#i totally would have made a ralph.

[clockwayswrites]

The Fic I'm Still Not Writing (2)

Part 1 that I totally didn't write.

-

“Boss.”

Jason looked up from the report he was going over to see two of his people standing in the the doorway to his office. They shifted nervously and he prepared himself for bad news. While he didn’t exactly aim for a friendly demeanor (that’s what being around as Jason was for), he did attempt to make it clear his people could talk to him. If shit was going to go down then he wanted to know so that he could get on top of it.

Like now.

Fuck.

Things had been looking so good, too. The new shelter would be up and running next week. The supplemented housing for single parents and their kids was doing well— Jason had been by as, well, Jason early that day to make sure everything was on the up and up— and there had been no new shit heads trying to sell drugs on his street corners. He should have expected for it to go wrong.

He tucked the reports away and leaned back in his chair before motioning the two in. Ralph and Marco, Jason thought, placing the two as they came to sit across from him. Ralph mostly helped manage the gym and train new people not to get killed— an ex boxer and coach from when times were better. Marco had just recently risen to lieutenant.

Jason had no clue what trouble the two of them would be bringing him together. Maybe someone did something stupid and needed more training.

It seemed they didn’t know where to start either and kept trading each other uneasy looks. Jason shifted, just slightly, in the way he knew made his chair creek ominously and watched both his men start.

“So, um, us goons have been doing some reading,” Ralph finally started. Jason wasn’t much fond of the term ‘goons’ himself, but for some reason his people had embraced it.

“Reading.” Jason replied, keeping his voice carefully monotone. Where was this going?

“Right, reading,” Marco picked up. “Found some ourselves and then Yasmine called us idiots and suggested some other stuff, but well, we’ve been doing reading. And we didn’t know if you had been.”

What.

“So, we, erm, well we just thought maybe we’d pass along the important bits?” Ralph said, wringing his hat in his hands so hard Jason thought he’d tear the seems apart. “See, when ya enter into a polyamorous relationship with a new partner, it’s important to make them feel included.”

What.

“Yeah,” Marco said with an enthusiastic nod. “And we get that you and Jason already have a rhythm and everything, but Danny seems like a really sweet kid—”

“Little feral.”

“Ralph’s right, little feral, but sos you, Boss— no offense. But he seems sweet. So we don’t want to see him be hurt none just ‘cause you aren’t making room for him.”

“What.” Seriously, what?

“Yeah. Sos like, in our reading—”

Holy fucking shit. His goons did reading about polygamy for him. Because Danny had asked him to share himself. What the fucking fuck.

“—it was important that you make sure that Danny feels like he has space in your space too.”

“Yeah,” Ralph agreed and then pulled an honest to God printout from his back pocket that he smoothed out on the corner of Red Hood’s desk before sliding it over. “Small things, see? Like making sure his favorite snacks are in your apartment. Or stocking up the bath products Danny uses. Don’t just make him use what you or Jason uses.”

“He uses a 5in1 bar of soap, I’m not encouraging that behavior,” Jason growled. (Why the fuck did he say that? He only knew that as Jason.)

It made his men pause for a moment before Marco gave a little nod. “Fair enough, deserves better and all. Buy him something special to use then.”

“What’s wrong with 5in1?” Ralph asked.

“Shut up Ralph, I’ll send you some reading,” Marco replied. “Point is Boss, You have to show Danny he's just as important. We just want this to work out for you, Boss.”

“Right.”

Ralph nodded. “We see how you two look at each other is all. And how Jason looks at him. We aren’t blind, Boss.”

“Right.”

“Um, right,” Marco repeated. He stood up and slapped at Ralph’s arm till Ralph did the same. He did reach out and scoot the printouts a little closer though. “Just, we’re here for you Boss.”

Jason gave a nod of his helmet before watching them scurry out of his office.

He picked up printouts. They did research for him. His little pack of supposedly hardened criminals (fuck the fact they were more and more becoming humanitarian aid) had read up on queer relationships for him.

Shaking his head Jason set the print outs aside and tried to get back to the reports he’d been reading before whatever the fuck that just happened happened.

The third time he glanced over at the printouts he gave up, folded him up into his back pocket, and stormed out of his office. He headed for Jenny’s, the 24/7 dinner that had survived in Crime Alley for nearly 70 years through sheer determination and having good enough food and coffee that no one dared fuck with it. (Didn’t hurt that Jenny kept shotguns under the counter and was a mean shot.)

The bell clattered at his entrance as he barged in and headed to the booth in the back corner. Bright blue eyes glanced up from the pile of textbooks and notes and Danny had the nerve to smirk at him.

Jason slammed his hands down onto the table, the coffee mug rattling from the force of it. Danny calmly picked it up and cradled it to his chest.

“Want to explain to me why the fuck I just sat through two of my people trying to explain some of the finer points of polygamy to me?”

Danny choked on a sip of his coffee. “What?”

“You heard me.”

“Oh Ancients, they—” Danny cut himself off with a snort that soon devolved into full on laughter. Jason gave up looming and took a seat as he waited the laughter out. Finally Danny recovered enough to ask, “Are they trying to talk you into it or out of it?”

“They think I’m already in it.”

It took effort not to stiffen as one of Danny’s feet brushed up against his calf. He was smirking in that way that Jason was coming to both love and hate— and that only seemed to come out around Red Hood. “You could be, if you’d give me an answer.”

“You asked to share Jason.”

Danny gave a little shrug. The motion caused the oversized sweater that Jason was just realizing was his to slip down Danny’s bare shoulder on the one side. “I figured you came as part of that deal.”

“What has Jason said about it?” He asked, as if he didn’t very well know.

“Nothing, I haven’t asked. I’m not a home wrecker. I’m not going to tempt a man to cheat if you’re not into the idea.”

Jason crossed his arms.

Danny watched him back from under his dark lashes.

This was insane.

“You know I won’t take off my helmet.”

What the fuck was he doing?

“Never said I need you to. I’m more creative than that, Boss.”

Fuck.

Danny's smirk widened.

---

Fiends, the lot of you. I'm still claiming I'm not writing this shut up. We're blaming the poll, alright?

The GOOOOONS. They're just trying their best to be supportive! They want everyone to be happy!

tag list, I guess? @addie-lover-of-stories @bathildaburp @d4ydr34min9 @sometimesthingsfallapart @idfk-man10 @vythika96 @worthlesswall @aroranorth-west @chrysanthemum9484 @ver-444 @impulsiveasshole @meira-3919 @lazy-bouqet @cryinginthevoid @thegatorsgoose @cutelittlebeanie @blankliferain @ramblingkat @ailithnight

They're absurd, you're all absurd. ...okay I'm absurd too. Stay delightful, my darlings.

Edit: master post of parts I didn't write. Nope.

[diorsluv]

feather , part 6

“ when i try to make plans ”

series m. list previous chapter next chapter

( socialmedia!au )

lhughes_06

liked by yourusername, rutgermcgroarty, trevorzegras, and 74,278 others

lhughes_06 got some panda then went to the arcade 🐼👾

tagged: dylanduke25, luca.fantilli, edwards.73, yourusername, markestapa, mackie.samo, adamfantilli, rutgermcgroarty

view all comments

adamfantilli rutger cheated at dance dance revolution I SWEAR

→ rutgermcgroarty okay we’re using the full name 😕 i see you’re still jealous

yourusername MARK LITERALLY FUCKING CRAWLED UNDER THE BASKETBALL THING BECAUSE HE WAS LOSING TO ME

→ lhughes_06 but to be fair i was helping you

→ yourusername okay buddy you made like one shot

→ lhughes_06 I MADE LIKE 3

username45 THERES NO WAY. I WAS JUST AT THAT ARCADE LIKE A WEEK AGO.

edwards.73 wow u didn’t post my laser tag win 🙁🙁🙁

→ lhughes_06 it was hardly a win

→ edwards.73 I HAD LIKE 50 POINTS

→ lhughes_06 AND I HAD LIKE 47 SO WHAT???

→ rutgermcgroarty i highly doubt that cuz you and lil drizz were gone for a majority of the game lhughes_06

→ yourusername RUT STOP SPREADING THE DAMN RUMORS

dylanduke25 someone better post my air hockey W on their story

username82 mark jumping on luke’s back 😭

username66 ddr 🔛🔝

yourusername

liked by jamie.drysdale, _quinnhughes, mackie.samo, and 54,926 others

yourusername babysat my cousin’s daughters with these gremlins and took them to the museum

tagged: lhughes_06, jackhughes, _quinnhughes, mackie.samo

view all comments

username30 that tomato soup looks heavenly 😋

markestapa oh??

→ yourusername what is that supposed to mean….. 😓

→ markestapa nothing

edwards.73 when she can cook AND she’s good with kids?? (cough cough)

→ lhughes_06 real

→ username81 HUUUUUUH?? lhughes_06

username47 she’s so respectful for keeping their faces out of the pictures

jackhughes GREMLINS???

→ yourusername yes gremlins 🙄

mackie.samo i would like to preface the fact that i kept the house from burning down

→ yourusername DON’T SAY THAT MY COUSIN’S GONNA SEE THIS

→ mackie.samo i’m glad i incriminated you

username7 WRECK IT RALPH!

luca.fantilli man if i didn’t have class today i would’ve totally joined

→ _quinnhughes kid you weren’t invited

→ yourusername you would’ve scared the kids away

→ lhughes_06 trauma is a real issue

lhughes_06 you looked very nice at the museum today

→ yourusername muchas gracias moosey

→ dylanduke25 finally had the balls to say it on your own account huh

username78 LUKE’S CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT IS REALLY SHOWING

next chapter notes ) are we loving luke’s character development or whatttt also dont really know how to feel bout this one but we ball 🫡🫡

[fredwkong]

The Prep Watch

When you first came home wearing the Prep Watch, we laughed about it. You were even the one who coined the name. You’d been at work downtown, busking and selling your punk CDs, when some preppy white boy in a Ralph Lauren polo and chinos ran up to you and smacked a Rolex or something onto your wrist.

You looked like the last person who would wear a Rolex. Every bare bit of skin was covered in tattoos, to the point that it was hard to tell you had Hispanic heritage. You had piercings all over your face and body, and you kept your hair in a neon pink mohawk. You covered up your skinny frame with heavily patched jackets and loose, distressed jeans. As the epitome of a punk, such a fancy watch stuck out like a sore thumb.

We laughed about it for a bit, and then I took a closer look. It was nice, probably gold-plated at least. “Dude, you should totally pawn it,” I told you. Our finances were…precarious, to say the least. Pawning something like this would cover, like, a week’s worth of groceries.

But you looked down and furrowed your pierced eyebrows. “I dunno,” you said, suddenly sounding far away. “I mean. It looks nice, right?”

“Definitely,” I said, assuming that would be the end of it.

But when you hopped into bed next to me that night, the Prep Watch was still on your wrist.

By the next week, it was definitely really weird. I mean, you only took the watch off to shower. But when I told you that you were being strange, you just said, “Yeah, but it looks nice, right?”

It was like living with a pod person.

I bet you thought I wouldn’t notice when you switched underwear. It was such a subtle difference, trading Walmart boxers for those fancy boxer briefs. But, I mean, I tidy the bedroom. I saw the patterns in the underwear drawer. At the time, I thought it was sort of cute. A hard-ass punk wearing underwear with a cuddly duckling pattern on it.

Little did I know.

It probably felt like temptation, the desires you were experiencing as you kept on wearing the watch. You’d be out in the city, busking the afternoon away, watching all those preppy city boys walk past in their pastel sweaters and fancy slacks. Knowing that underneath all your gear and piercings, right on top of your tattoos and your Prince Albert, you were wearing the same underwear. Did you miss any notes? Did your voice crack as you lusted over some fucking preps?

I was so confused when I found some of your more obvious piercings in the bathroom trash bin. You loved your nose rings, and we’d gotten our helix piercings together. Hearing you say that they just weren’t your thing anymore made me feel like slapping you.

I considered leaving you, you know. I could have walked out that day and left you at the mercy of whatever fucking bullshit was happening to you. But at that point, I had the crazy idea in my head that this wasn’t you. It was the Prep Watch that was doing this to you. So, like an idiot, I stayed, and tried to come up with a way to get that damn Rolex off your wrist.

One day, you came home and told me you’d gotten a corporate job. “May as well use that Economics degree,” you said, even though we’d burned our diplomas together a couple years ago. When you said, “It’s just until my music picks up,” I think we both knew you were lying, but I nodded anyway. Under your leather jacket, I could see you were wearing a polo shirt.

The next day, you got your hair cut. You hadn’t been maintaining your mohawk anyway, but it was a shock when you got home with a head of short brown curls. For some reason, it looked like it was growing in blond at the roots.

By that point, did you already hate your own music? You kept busking once or twice a week for a month longer. I think it was just for appearances. When we went out to gigs, I noticed your smile was kind of tight, like you were just there for my sake. The only times I saw you really grin anymore was when you were putting on your damn work shirts or staring at that fucking Prep Watch. I swear, you got a boner in your stupid preppy boxer briefs whenever you looked at that thing. “It looks nice, right?” you said to me, admiring the watch on your wrist under your cufflinks.

I couldn’t get the watch away from you. You only took it off to shower, and we’d stopped showering together. I bet you’d taken out all your body piercings already. Christ, they probably came off before your visible piercings, trying to hide it from me. What kind of a boyfriend— Whatever. What you were really hiding was probably how cleanly all your piercings had healed.

Yeah, don’t give me that shit about good wound care. I know what a healed over piercing looks like, and your lip has never been pierced. I mean, I know the watch is magic now. Your tattoos were fading even before you went and got them lasered off. I saw the disgust on your face every time you looked at your neck tatts in the mirror. No man’s skin gets pale like yours got. Everything cleared up.

Do you like being so much smaller? Softer? You used to be lanky and lean, now you look short, soft. Pastel. How many fucking pastel clothes can one man own? Pants, shirts, sweaters, socks, hats, fucking pastel purses! Man bags, what the fuck ever. Just a little curly-haired blond prep with perfect white teeth and a perfect little office job. Do your coworkers even know about what you used to be? They probably think you’re about twenty, with that boyish look on your clean-shaven face.

You really wanted to go to the carnival, and, I mean, you were paying most of the rent at that point, so I went along with it. For some reason, I still thought that I could separate you from that watch and everything would just… go back to normal. Who knows? Maybe if I’d found a way to separate the watch from you that night, they would have. You still remembered who you were, then. Your keyboard was covered in dust, sitting in the corner of the bedroom, but it was still there.

But as we watched the lights on the ferris wheel, you a short little pastel boy with a single demure piercing, standing next to a lanky punk covered in tattoos and wearing a patched jacket, you checked the Prep Watch. I watched as your eyes shone in the light reflected off the watch face, and with a swirl like smoke, they turned from brown to blue. You nodded to yourself and undid the watch.

“Want to try it?” you chirped at me, reaching toward my wrist.

I ran.

I think that I thought I could get back to our apartment and clear my stuff out before you got back. But I was on transit. You owned the car. I really thought I’d made it when I saw the lights off in our window. I unlocked the door, crept inside…

There was barely a rustle as you emerged from the closet and clapped the watch onto my wrist.

And now here we are. I’ve been talking for a while, I guess. I just had to get all of that out. I wish that I could just stand up, walk out, take off this watch. What I really wish is that I had just up and left when I saw the way this was going. I'm afraid that I'm about to lose myself, the way you have. I miss my boyfriend. But now here we are, and I’m wearing the Prep Watch, and, well…

It looks nice, right?

[ajlikoshlt]

Brian O'Connor X Female Reader.

Fast and Pretty.

Who would have believed it, you, capricious, rich and always demanding girl, here you are. In a street race. Cars of all colors surround you, many individuals have their eyes on you. A little bourgeois with a Ralph Lauren sweater and skirt all this matched with black platform moccasins, it was insignificant.

Among the crowd around you, your eyes meet those of a blond with the air of an angel straight down from paradise. He too was looking at you and from top to bottom taking all his time to appreciate the view. He gave you his best wink and advanced towards you.

"What are you doing here?"

You laughed slightly and pushed your hair to the back.

"I'm walking, can't you see it Brian?"

"To go for a walk? These are not places for you, my bourgeois. Too much crime and half-naked girls. So you see your buttocks my pretty, you're going to bring it home without asking any questions." The blonde's venous hands come to rest on your shoulders.

"Yeah, tell me too to suck your dick as long as you're there, no, but it's not okay?" You say by arching an eyebrow.

"The vulgarities are not for you, it makes you ugly beauty. And if it's you who proposes, you know very well that I will never say no." You look up to the sky in the face of his totally useless comments.

"You should consider closing your mouth from now on darling, I didn't ask you to give an opinion."

You turned your heels and went to your friends. Before the race begins, you change your clothes. Your Ralph Lauren set was exchanged for low-waisted pants and a black top. The piercing on your navel was now visible to everyone, your necklaces and bracelets too and this famous tattoo barely visible along your spine.

When you go in your car, you do some touch-ups on your makeup, a touch of sliding and voila. You start your body and then made the engine roar. Your car is parked next to Brian's. You lowered your window and shouted slightly so that he could hear your voice.

"Tonight it's you and me blonde!" Your voice made him smile.

"I have a deal for you Y/N, if I win, let me declare my love to you. And if I lose. Let me be at your service."

You tilt your head slightly with a small smile.

"Why not. It's interesting what you propose blonde. But we'll see the moment."

—

The race had just started, you were all behind, everyone in front of you thought you were already out of the race, except that you had just decided to take your time. After a certain number of minutes, you end up going faster and faster, until you reach Brian, who was all ahead. You gave him your most beautiful smile and accelerated at once.

You thought you were going to lose the race that you saw Brian do the same, but you didn't give up. You still decided that you would continue to shift gears even if it meant burning your engine, just to arrive first.

It was very tight, but you cross the finish line before him. The smile stuck to your glossy lips, you noded to Brian who had just arrived. You come out of the car to confront him.

Arriving towards him, his hands settled around your waist and his eyes looked at you from top to bottom.

"So blond, the statement will not be for tonight, but in any case know that from today, there will be no more Brian without me and no more me without Brian."

Your hands rested on his neck, your mouth came to rest on his cheek.

End.

It was a pleasure for me to write that. See you next time with new stories and more spice.

Amande <3.

(And sorry for the spelling and comprehension mistakes, I'm not an English speaker..)

[cbsghostsmetasandtrevor]

Saw the episode AND I took notes. 😁

*Thor chopping off Trevor's hand: 😲🤣

*No, Trevor didn't invite Carol, Sam emailed the wrong person.

*Wow, Carol died before the first commercial.

*Yeah, maybe Sam and Jay should have closed the door when doing a seance with a bunch of ghosts.

*Jay is a special guy. 🥰

*As Carol is interacting with the ghosts, their faces 😲😲😲

*Sam telling the ghosts not to talk to her because she doesn't want to appear crazy, as she talks to Carol AND definitely looks crazy.

*Carol and Pete see each other.

*Trevor not dealing with Carol's crap.

*Interesting how they explain what happened to Flower so that she doesn't have to appear. 🤨

*Which leads back to the original question: Who went to Heaven?

Next week looks interesting. Nancy and Carol fighting over Pete. 🤣🤣

Poor Trevor and his arm SLOWLY becoming whole again - Don't shoot the messenger, Thor.

OH GOOD. I was worried, I had to let the dog out and all I heard was Trevor something about emails and Sass asking if he was bragging. So I was like - that would be terrible, although it would explain trying to make up for it by yelling at Carol so much.

Carol dying so quickly so they can have Sam and the ghosts slowly figure it out...

Oh for sure - why do a seance with the door open????

LMAO, I loved that scene because they were so confused and it took them a second to like "get it".

TBF Carol was just alive like ten minutes before, but it is funny as fuck.

I really liked the reactions and them figuring it all out. It would be interesting if other ghosts were discovered that way instead of them all being there to witness it. It made it so much more interesting.

I do like Trevor being like a total lovable Ass to Carol. Because like, he probably has loyalty to Pete and sees it as defending his boy.

I do like how they dealt with the Flower thing without the actress having to be on screen.

For the last bit, a while ago, I was convinced it was Steph's BF, Ralph. Mainly because Crash says "I saw Steph sleeping away" no mention of Ralph. & that would work if they bring Steph back and she be pissed that her BF got sucked off while she was sleeping.

I really hope next episode is good for Pete, 'cause he was having a BAD day this time. Fuck, what's worse than your cheating ex dying and you have to deal with them permanently.

Side note - I actually had this idea for a Fanon ship and similar situation happening for Trevor, and I wonder if my predictions of how everyone would react (hopefully in support of their housemate) is correct.

ALSO I WANT PETE TO FUCKING LIGHT HER UP.

That is all.

Did you like it as much as I did?

[rrcenic]

this is cody, my lord of the flies oc!! i literally have no idea if this idea is original at all as the only lotf oc i know is @peachtaglia’s oc tommy :’)

STORY (cw/tw for suicide):

when the whole jalph rivalry started, cody never cared about sides. he was too preoccupied with the panic and depression of being stranded. so he stayed with jack, and was a skilled hunter.

instead of hunting for pig like the rest of the boys, cody actually hunted birds! simon made little toys for some of the littluns, and cody was given a slingshot. turns out he had a pretty good aim, and would often hit seagulls or other smaller birds.

jack wasn’t interested in any meat other than pig, and cody wasn’t interested in the chaos and savagery of the group hunt, so soon cody became one of the main food providers for his fellow littluns.

cody was quite attached to simon, and was deeply disturbed after the older boy’s death, and refused to hunt afterwards. he was also right next to roger when he rolled the boulder that killed piggy, and had a close view of the gore.

experiencing piggy’s violent death was cody’s breaking point. he disappeared sometime while the hunters were searching for ralph. in the chaos, no one noticed.

cody’s body was found during the search of the island for any missing survivors. it is believed that he took his own life.

FUN LIL FACTS:

cody struggled with depression, anxiety, and other disorders before his time on the island. his bpd was part of the reason he had originally idolized and grew attached to simon

cody lived with his mother and her roommate (totally not her lesbian lover why would you ever think that)

his favorite animal is a nightingale (partially because i thought it would be funny for a bird hunter to love birds, partially because i hate myself and needed to cause further pain with a good omens reference)

his favorite character is winnie the pooh

his favorite movies are the winnie the pooh backson movie, disney’s tangled, and monsters inc. (i know the book took place way before these. just roll with it)

he likes mashed potatoes :)

he has sensory processing issues, and was often too overwhelmed by the grime and dirt on the island

for a while, cody refused to take off his choir uniform (even in the intense heat) as the familiar soft cloak brought him comfort

he is allergic to shellfish

he is rather quiet in nature

he is one of the only littluns that roger doesn’t hate, as he’s good at doing what he’s told and is good at hunting

[itzminahun]

My head Cannons on mating season <33

Mina’s synopsis’s: The turtles basically succumbing to the PUM PUM and ravaging it 🤝

Contains: Smut and fluff, afab!reader (goes by she/her pronouns) and that’s it.

Mating season.

Leo: Listen, he can keep his composure (he can try.) but over this coarse month? All morals out the windows. He’s a turtle/man mutant babes. He gonna wanna stuff you full because after all these years of no womanly touch near him���.he’s gonna have you spread wide.

- This is really my opinion but he goes feral. Doesn’t hold back anything unless his seed is seeping out of you cunt like a stuffed donut. And he warned you beforehand about the whole situation. Be prepared for amazing after care though.

- Since he’s still in this “animalistic” state, he’s gonna take care of you like your a princess. Give you all the kisses, food, and cuddles you want babes!

Ralph: My sensitive and horny teddy bear.

Now, don’t be mistaken that he will fuck a baby into you because his mind is on breeding mode at the moment. But how can he not? Your just too sexy for your own good. (Get it girl!)

- During this period he is spilling his heart out to you and letting you baby him through it all.

- He cries a little. Leo be stressing my man out 😭. Ralph is so clingy too! Possessive at most because he’s raging and horny and literally need’s your body, time, and attention.

Mikey: He’s a whore during this cycle and does not give a damn because he just going with what feels natural to him. Baby boy got the libido of an horny college student because goddamn, does he have the energy to fuck you until you can’t even compose sentences anymore.

- He “chirps”. An just like Ralph is protective as hell. (Worse out of all of them)

- I read this fic where Mikey is like really in primal mode and doesn’t let you leave his room for nothing! Completely babies you which is just 🥺 and I totally agree with that theory!

Donnie: Our dork was prepared for this shit. He went and made sure of it, well— he tried. Donnie was praying for the love of science that he would no SHALL compose himself because why are sucking on that lollipop like that? Why are you looking prettier than usual? His vulgar thoughts anit helping.

- He’s low key a pervert during this whole thing and by that I mean; he’s snatching your underwear’s.

- His reason? He feels a strong smell and self control from it, he knows it’s wrong but he can’t help it. He can’t help but wrap his thumb around the tip of his head, groaning into your panties as the smell of them made him almost come right then and there.

DON’T BE SHY TOO REPOSTTT @itzminahun

ALL CREDITS GO TO MEEEEE

© Itzminahun 2022 May 12, DO NOT PLAGIARIZE MY WORK OR COPY.

[morallyinept]

HAPPY SUNDAY LOVELIES! 🖤

Have we all recovered from those Esquire outtakes yet?? Nah, me neither... I'm undecided which is my favourite, everytime I think I've settled on a decision, I see something in a different one. Thirst world problems, eh? 🥲

I've had this week off work; my final vacation for the year, and it's flown by. 😫 I've spent it mostly catching up on writing though, and reading as well as visiting some friends and family.

Lots of late nights however, as I have bout of insomnia right now... sigh. So I've been super tired with sandpaper eyes most of this week. 😵‍💫

Back to work on tomorrow so I'm making the most of the last of my free time to get some WIPs worked on. Yay!

So, let's get into this week's whip round, shall we, Jack? Ready that whip, cowboy!

Catch up on last week here, sugar

☆ Things I've posted this week

Five Days Chapter 9 - Again, so many thanks and forehead smooches to everyone who is invested in Joel & Reader. 🖤

Full - A Joel Miller GIFLET

Feast On This - A Max Phillips GIFLET as requested by an ASK.

Back Alley Bang! - A Dieter Bravo One Shot, which was inspired by these outtakes released this week from the Esquire shoot, which has made the fandom collectively lose it's mind... 🥵

Self Care With Dieter & Jett this week featured Pedro himself stepping in for Dieter, to offer some self-care advice through some of his memorable quotes.

Jettsgiving - Thanksgiving with a house full of The Pedro Boys? What could possibly go wrong...? 🤪

This week's Writer Wow shone the spotlight on @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin Angela is such an amazing person and writer, and I just love her, so go totally check her out. 💚

☆ Things I'm currently working on

Putting together my fic for the Pickled Pena challenge - are you guys taking part in this?? It's going to be so much fun!

Putting the finishing touches to my Christmas fics and I have a few one-shots to draft out for the Festive season, then I can work on some of the WIPs I've teased out previously - woo!

Annnnd a butt load of GIFTLETS.

☆ Things I've read this week

As I've been off this week, I've read more than I usually would, but it still never feels like enough, does it?

Below are some of the fics that stood out to me this week:

Undercover - Part 1 - @secretelephanttattoo

Hot Criminal & Lawyer - @boliv-jenta

Hue, My Way & Medicine - @goodwithcheese

Nothing That I Didn't Know - @for-a-longlongtime

Pause - @trulybetty

Kill Shot - @magpiepills

Giving Thanks - @linzels-blog

Masterpiece - @thetriumphantpanda

Hold Tight - @sin-djarin

With Mercy For The Disturbed - @netherfeildren

Sticky - @ezrasbirdie

Sequins -@trulybetty

All of these, and more, have been added to my Pedro Characters Fic Rec List

☆ What have I been watching/listening to this week?

Not a lot this week, as I've been busy with writing and reading, so watching things was neglected a little this week.

Unless you count The Simpsons, which is always on in the background... Ralph Wiggum is totally my spirit animal.

☆ What have I been up to this week?

Mostly reading and writing and catching up on the usual things that come with adulting. Didn't manage a hike this week as the weather here has been gross. Plus, looks like the frosty weather is on it's way too 🥶

I'm reluctantly thinking about Christmas shopping... bah humbug. I'm not a miser, I love Christmas - just not the expense that comes with it! 😬

Well, that wraps it up for this week. I hope you guys have enjoyed the weekend. Many thanks for the lovely DM's and ASKs as always. Always fun to hear from you guys.

Stay kind & stay creamy. Jack & I will catch you in the next recap. 🖤

🖤

[misteria247]

I HAD TO DRAW MOMMA MONA AND HER BIG RED SON THERE IS A SEVERE LACK OF MONA CONTENT IN MY AU AND I NEED TO FIX THAT—

In other news, ShellShock Mona in Turtles Forever wise Mona is very munched charmed to see younger versions of her husband and his brothers. Especially with the 12 boys!

As for the Rise Boys, she’s having the same dilemma as Raph is. Those are her sons but not ya know? So she’ll just keep an extra close eye on them, nothing more.

Ok so /maaayyybbeee/ she baby’s Rise Raph and Rise Donnie a bit more than the others but she won’t say—

Sgsgsfsfsfsgd bro I'm living for Mama Mona Lisa fr fr she gives me so much life!

And oh my God yessss! The 12 boys would just be awed seeing Shellshock Mona and seeing her being married to Raph. They'd totally say things like:

"She's our kickass sister in law, ain't she neat??????"

Meanwhile 12 Raph would just get a blushy whenever he sees Shellshock Mona and Raph and sees them do anything remotely domestic. Daydreaming about 12 Mona all the while and thinking:

"Damn, I get to marry the love of my life and have a family with her and have her become apart of the Hamato family and clan. This dynamite gal agrees to becoming my wife."

Like 12 Raph's over the moon when he thinks about it and his brothers will gently tease him but they're all happy that their brother gets to be with one of their greatest friends. The 12 boys would also keep a close eye on the Shellshock fam since they're technically family yet not, and they'll often times be ready to throw hands for them if they need too. (Much like how they do with the Rise boys and their friends that they've made with the others turtles). Because in 12 Leo, 12 Raph, 12 Donnie and 12 Mikey's eyes, Shellshock Mona Lisa and her family are apart of their clan somewhat so she gets the honorary Hamato treatment.

And the Rise boys, especially Rise Leo would notice Shellshock Mona's watchful eyes on them, since he's always obversing his surroundings despite his laid back demeanor. As soon as he sees Rise Raph and Rise Donnie getting doted on by Shellshock Mona Lisa, he'll definitely tease them in that signature sibling way such as:

"Yo Donald, Ralph! Mom two wants you guys!"

Earning sputtering from the other two turtles, one embarrassed (Rise Raph) and one somewhat annoyed by the teasing (Rise Donnie). Rise Mikey all the while thinks it's absolutely adorable and will just go:

"Dawwww-"

[msfbgraves]

Oh my gosh, I love the idea of a Silverrusso Hunger Games/Ballad AU! Of course Terry would be Capitol, and of course he’d be Daniel’s mentor and fall for him big time. 

Daniel would be District (12, not Covey), and while he’s small, and tiny, and adorable—he’s also cunning, and brave, and can be a murder-kitten if pushed far enough. Terry probably exploits all these traits of Danny boy’s for views and sponsorship before and in the Arena because he knows a showman when he sees one, being one himself. Terry would be excellent at strategy and playing 4D chess, and Daniel would, as you said, be a good boy and listen to whatever he instructs him on. Daniel’s own natural charisma, charm, cunning, and Daniel LaRusso Derangement Syndrome help him win against the odds of course. 

I agree with you that Terry would only return to the Capitol if he got to keep the pretty little thing. Which would be a very interesting setting, because Terry would of course become President, with Daniel by his side as his Capitol Consort. Make it Omegaverse and that’s even more set in stone. Daniel never loses that natural goodness and kindness despite it all, so who can say what happens in their marriage, and Terry’s tendency towards mass genocidal pastimes? Hmm. 

Or maybe Terry runs away with Daniel. They make do for a while on their own, as they’re both very charming. I do agree that Terry would find District 13, and make himself the leader. Probably take over Panem eventually too, for better or worse. All with his doe-eyed boy by his side as his own personal cheerleader.

The stuff of legends. 

Yes, I've seen Terry as Capitol mentor floating around since the first trailer, and with Daniel "Why didn't you kill him?" LaRusso as tribute - why shouldn't those odds be in his favour? I have to say that, though, with those very cringey commercials - Daniel isn't great with cameras, but like with the tournaments he's fought, he takes to the arena like a duck to water. (One of the few very clear differences between Ralph and Daniel, in my view!) But Daniel is just so adorable and we all know he looks even prettier roughed up, so especially with all the extra whump the book puts the tributes through he'd be so strangely alluring - and when the first thing he does is save the smallest tribute "because it isn't fair", and definitely would mercy kill another, he will win swarms of fans and donations. Terry's first thought at those antics, as that is not what they'd discussed, is: "The second that brat gets out of the arena, I am putting him straight over my knee!" (Which he does, the first time they meet again!)

Now I have a huge villain crush on Terry, he is my poor little meow meow through and through, so I believe that he wouldn't be as desperate as Coryo for acceptance. And I really think that's canon. Terry knows how to blend but he doesn't like it, he likes to push the envelope of respectability. So of course he makes former District boy John Kreese his absolute bestie, openly. So I think if the Dean would be "ugh, I hate your father", he'd be like "I hate my father, sir, you're not special", and with Gaul's "What are the Hunger Games for", he'd be like: "An outlet for sadism." And she'd be like "Oooh, you're very good at it, Mr. Silver." He'd be like: "Yeah, I like to watch, what of it? Not like I made it up." And so he'd only return to the Capitol (because yes he'd totally cheat, of course) with Daniel, but I don't actually see him becoming President? With his penchant for nuclear, I think he's always been obsessed with 13. Terry is not very obsessed with ruling people, I don't think. He's obsessed with very close relationships and personal survival, which is actually something he and Daniel have in common! I see Daniel getting Terry to become more of a rebel when in the Capitol, but if they're not allowed back, and Terry is absolutely fine slumming it in 12 and having all the sex with Daniel (the man loves playing at poverty) he'd take off when they don't let him take his Danny boy to officer training in 2 because: "I am not letting them send you down a mine, sweetheart." (Plus they've totally tried to recruit Daniel for rebel missions.) The reason he's taking over 13 is that none of these people know to have any fun and that's no way to live and he ends up ruling the whole of Panem kinda sorta by accident, with Daniel acting as his conscience. Also to let Daniel reunite with his Ma and brood of other half starved LaRussos because he won't ever shut up about it otherwise.

[renaultphile]

Good Women are not my cup of tea

Apologies in advance to @eclare1000 for this totally unsolicited follow-up ramble that no doubt strays even further from your actual question!!

I thought I would try a different tack on the 'Plymouth Brethren' reference, looking from a literary point of view and focusing on what is not said and why.

The first thing I notice is the context for this scene, Laurie opening up about his mother re-marrying.

Ralph goes into generic ‘there’s no accounting for women’ mode, and refers to his first captain finding a wife against the odds.  Laurie notices his eyes ‘contract in sudden anxiety’.  Then he drops the ‘none of my girlfriends went in for that sort of thing’.  Still no mention of his mother.  He claims ignorance on family relationships.

The only women are the ones in his ‘experiment’.  I’ve always found this whole passage strange, such a bizarre topic of conversation but in the context of avoiding other, more ‘dangerous’ (ie personal) topics, it might just make sense.

Towards the end he drops the ‘good women are not my cup of tea’ line, again in that rather strange context.  He is clearly thinking of his mother but still not wanting to say it.

We are then told, again, how keen Ralph is to close the subject and how Laurie uncharacteristically pushes for more.

Then we get ‘Give me the Nazis any day’.  Mary must have been searching for the most extreme thing a war veteran could say.  She then makes Ralph’s embarrassment at having said it very clear.

Laurie, most uncharacteristically, pushes on.

And then, after a very long and circuitous discussion, we finally get ‘She couldn’t help what she felt about it.  Her parents were Plymouth Brethren’.

After that Ralph clams up altogether, and we are told the topic never came up again, ever.

So where does that leave us? I wonder if the PB reference is meant to be a conversation-stopper, not an opener at all, to provide heat but not light.  If it is meant to be understood by readers in a superficial way, the two elements that spring to mind about PB would be impossible standards of ‘purity’ and a tendency to believe in an unforgiving God. 

But as with almost every important scene in the book, we are none the wiser what actually happened.  We know almost nothing of the incident, and Ralph’s description of his mother’s little ‘talk’ is such a caricature.  I wonder if Mary deliberately made it his grandparents to leave a little hint of doubt about what his childhood actually looked like?  Perhaps his mother wasn’t that strict?  Hard to say when we don't really know what happened. The important thing is how the young Ralph makes sense of the experience rather than the details. 

What does shine through in this scene is the extent to which Ralph finds it painful to talk about his childhood.  It’s a new piece of information for Laurie, and he immediately makes a very literal connection between ‘learning a clean life’ and the tic where Ralph touches his ‘spotless collar’.

Mary makes use of her highly intuitive narrator to again convey Ralph’s state of mind, with almost no factual information.  The more she hides, the more painful it becomes for the reader.  And it worked for me because reading back through for that passage to write this was hard!

And perhaps this is the first small hint that Laurie is someone who can make a difference to Ralph, who sees something the others don’t, and who might just be able to take him down a different path.  If Ralph will let him.

[qqueenofhades]

What is the purpose, I wonder, of Bernie continuing to shit on the Democrats while not offering plausible solutions for the progressive ideas he has? Surely he’s not naive enough to not realize that splitting the Dem vote or even threatening it, with what we’re up against, is a good idea? I’m just very confused because leftists hold him up as some kind of example for where we should be heading and I wonder how possible it is for him to even be that if he can’t recognize the realities of the dire situation we’re in and direct his supporters to do the thing that’ll get us out of it.

Here's the thing about Bernie. I think he does care on some level, and that he definitely does prefer having Biden/the Democrats in office, rather than Trump and the Republicans. But if he's built his entire brand on criticising both of them endlessly (and he has), then it is, personally, no skin off Bernie's nose, or damage to his brand, which one is in office. Either way, he can earn cred points on criticizing them and positioning himself as the Morally Superior Outsider (despite, as I said, being a senator for 15+ years and accomplishing nothing significant, despite all his righteous talk).

That, I think, is the biggest problem with both him and his supporters who think in the same way: if it's essentially meaningless to you who's in office, whether an outright authoritarian fascist narcissistic con man and his band of anti-everything religious zealots, or a flawed liberal democratic political party that, despite mistakes, generally tries their best, there is something deeply and profoundly wrong with your ethical and moral philosophy. Because everything is just a thought exercise to you, and you're automatically presuming that you're always right, you're totally ignoring or making false equivalences between the moral choices available to you -- which, at this point, flatly do boil down to good and evil. You can talk all you want about Third Parties and Alternatives to the System, but none of those exist in any meaningful way and trying to act like they do will only hasten the impending and very real violent fascist white supremacist takeover. And doing anything that increases the likelihood of that outcome is, in fact, NOT a moral, ethical, or defensible choice, no matter how many thought experiments you want to play and no matter how much Woke Jargon you know.

Bernie has made a few desultory gestures toward telling his supporters to get behind the Democrats and vote for them, but still not as much time as he spends criticizing them, and certainly not as much as he could have, given his immense platform and influence (good or otherwise) on segments of the American public who view themselves as leftists. That's because Bernie has built his brand on being an anti-establishment contrarian and (like Ralph Nader also used to do) openly equivocating the two parties as "equally bad" or painting the Democrats as only barely better than the Republicans. If he's put himself in a position where he can't tell the truth without his fanbase turning on him, then it's time to take a good hard look at what exactly that fanbase believes and if it is indeed anything other than the leftist version of Trump's Big Lie. Because the grievance, the paranoia, the insistence that elections must not be fair or otherwise their candidate would never lose, that people have to be forced to make the Right Choice and all would magically be solved if they did, sounds, frankly, an awful lot like it.

[jmagnabo92]

CBS Ghosts - Woodstone’s Hottest Couple Thoughts

There’s a new episode tonight - which means, I’ve got thoughts:

So... this episode was fun.  

I liked that all of the plots were ONE plot.  I also liked that change with Stephanie and the fact that she is SO GOOD at getting under people’s skin and she knows them SO well despite not being around them that often.

So, focus on each couple’s SL.  

Nisaac - they were pretty much in the background, and I don’t get why Steph wouldn’t use the whole ‘I killed him’ thing against them.  I really wish they hadn’t been left out of it.  I still want to know why Nigel’s blackmail wasn’t dealt with and the way he deliberately brought up the date troubles.

Jam - I was SO shocked that Jay didn’t tell Sam about his issues.  We’ve gotten hints (like in Ghost Hunter) and the way that he CLUNG to Freddie.  And I like that Stephanie brought it up - and I like that Sam tried to help her get passed Trevor before that.  Like Sam was ALMOST there until she pointed out “Steph has few options”.  ANYWAY, I love Mark being a business partner and I love that Jay’s going to get his own restaurant.  I really like Jay getting his own SL and seeing into his issues more.

Floor (?) - Flower/Thor -  Okay, I’ve never been a big fan of them, but I liked that they wanted to find things in common and owls are something.  Although I found it sad that they weren’t wanted for a double date, I totally get it.  ALSO I LOVED THOR cheating during Rock Paper Scissors.

Pete/Alberta - I really wish they’d stop pushing this storyline.  Also, Pete - that story about the “great” things in relationships was very sad and would’ve mad me quit.  And I liked that Alberta was still into D&D, they have something in common - if they want to do this, 

Steph/Ralph - I liked the way they found him, I totally expected that they would find him in the barn, but I liked this better.  She was actually fun all episode because messing with people is fun!  I really wanted it to be a game show episode but this was fun, too.  Damn she’s good.

Sass - is by himself, poor guy.  He was very small tonight but I loved how excited he was for the Drama and that Thor said he ‘made up a GF’.  That was hilarious.

NOW FOR THE MAIN EVENT (to me) - HMONEY

They were SO cute wanting to be all coupley and go on ‘double dates’ and I loved it!  I also loved Trevor running from Steph to point out he was dating Hetty.  It was very cute.  And then Steph got in his head - she’s right, Hetty was going to expect Tea Time every day, I’m sure.  And Trevor was never going to get ‘watching basketball’ or anything else - as Thor pointed out.  It was always going to be what she wanted.  

I did like seeing that they BOTH took issue with their double date.  That it wasn’t just Hetty being mad at him for it - I also think talking about tea for an HOUR is ridiculous.  I was worried that they would break up, but OMG I LOVED THE ENDING.  I wanted them to come out since Trevor clearly wanted it, but now, he’s like - I want to put the genie back in the bottle - AND THEY FOUND A WAY.  I LOVE THAT THEY FOUND A WAY.

And now, they can have a storyline where everyone discovers the truth one at a time and all sorts of crazy shenanigans.  That’ll be fun!  

Anyway, I LOVED THIS ONE.  And I can’t wait for the SL in Season 3 to continue.  

[supercorpkid]

The Snap

Supergirl, Lena Luthor x Reader!Wife, Kara Danvers x Reader

Word count: 2350.

Notes: this was probably written before but idk, I thought about Thanos’ snap the other day and what would it be like in the DC universe, and this came out.

“Lena, honey, do you want me to make you a sandwich too?” You yell from the kitchen when you hear your wife leaving her home office.

“Yes darling, please.” Lena’s voice comes from the hallway, and you start on it right away.

“With kale instead of lettuce?” You ask one more time. The answer doesn’t come for a few seconds, so you repeat it. “Honey? Kale or lettuce?”

You sharpen your ears so you can try and hear her response, but instead you hear water running from the bathroom sink. Odd. You clean your mayo-dirty hands and go to the bathroom to meet her.

“Lena, did you hear me?” You see the water running but you can’t see her around. You furrow your brows, closing the tap, before going to your bedroom. “Honey, you left the water running.”

The lack of response is weird and very unlike her, so your heart beats a bit faster in anticipation. You open her office door, no sign of her. The guest bedroom, nothing. You run to the living room wondering if you somehow missed her, but she is obviously not there. Your heart picks up the pace, desperate and alarmed. Lena is not the type of person who would prank you, which makes you panic harder. You yell her name so many times, you don’t think it’s possible she isn’t listening to you.

“Lena, what the hell?” You go back to the bathroom, looking at the floor. There is nothing but ashes scattered around and what the fuck happened?

You run out of your house, pressing the elevator button. You anxiously wait for an explanation on how Lena got out of the penthouse without you seeing, but the doorman should know where she went.

“Hello? Mr. Ralph?” You look for him at his desk, he is nowhere to be found. That freaks you out even more. He's always here. Where could he have gone?

You hear a loud crash in front of the building and you run outside to see all hell is breaking loose. Cars crashing into each other, on light posts or fire hydrants. There are people coming out of their cars, yelling and crying, and sometimes even bleeding.

“What the fuck?”

You feel your phone buzzing in your pocket and you remember what you came here for, to find Lena. Among all the chaos you’re seeing, you forgot. But now, as you reach for your phone in the back pocket, you hope it’s her with an explanation on how she disappeared and if she knows what the hell is going on with the world.

But it’s not her name that shows up on your screen.

“Hey, Kara.”

“Oh, thank Rao you’re ok.”

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Stay where you are, I’m going to pick you up now.”

“Did-did you come to pick up Lena just now?”

“Lena’s not-I-I’m on my way.”

She hangs up the phone before you have the chance to argue. Why is she coming to pick you up, and why didn’t she finish the sentence? And where the hell is your wife?

Supergirl shows up a few seconds later, but there are so many car accidents in front of you, that it takes her a while to finally pick you up and take you to the Tower.

You’ve known Kara is Supergirl for a while now. Being Lena's best friend, she was in your life ever since day one. And Kara, being Kara, started to be a part of your life shortly after. So much so she is also one of your closest friends now. She told you about her secret identity the second you and Lena got married.

“What is happening out there? What’s with the pandemonium? And more importantly, where is Lena?” You fire up at her the second she lands inside the facility.

“I don’t know.” You open your mouth to change the questions, but she holds your gaze and your hand, looking desperately lost, and repeats. “Y/N, I don’t know.”

She doesn’t know.

“I made some calculations,” Brainy comes closer, his face usually doesn’t hold much sentiment, but this time you can tell he is totally distressed. “and it appears that half of life on the planet has just… disappeared.”

“Excuse me?” Your eyes widen, and Kara agrees with her head.

“All the accidents… Someone was driving and then just, puff, weren’t there anymore.” Kara starts pacing around, hands on the hips, a crinkle of worrisome in between her eyebrows. “All there’s left from everyone is a… I don’t know, some sort of dust.”

Oh no.

You fall on your butt, unable to hold yourself up. Kara runs to you, checking if you’re ok. She asks questions after questions, but her voice is muffled by this loud sharp, high-pitched sound, and the sound of your own heart beating.

No. No. No! Lena can’t be gone. She can’t just be, puff, not here on Earth anymore. Her entire existence cannot be erased just like that, turned into dust like that.

Your heart squeezes on your chest when you look around at the Tower and you see yourself, Kara, and Brainy all alone. This can’t be it.

“Where’s Alex?” You manage.

“Alex is… She was… She is not…” Kara tries, but she can’t get her words out. And that was enough of an answer anyway.

“Nia? J’onn?” You beg.

“Assessing the situation out there.” Your heart feels a little relief, but not enough.

“Kelly? M’gann?”

“M’gann isn’t with us anymore.” Brainy says, more eloquent and somehow still not enough. “I’ve been trying to call Kelly, but haven’t succeeded yet.”

And he doesn’t. Because Kelly is, puff, not here anymore. Along with the love of your life and your other friends.

“What now?”

They don’t know, they don’t have the answer. So Kara sits next to you on the floor, and Brainy looks down at the both of you trying to restore a little bit of hope into the situation.

“We wait until they come back.”

She doesn’t come back.

Lena doesn’t come home in the next day, or week, or month. And so you pace around the house, finding it to be empty and yet so full of memories. So full of her.

“Darling, stop looking at me like that.”

“Like what?”

Lena’s finger reaches your forehead and she raises your head. “You know damn well what you’re doing, Mrs. Luthor.” She smiles at your new name. “I have to finish this.”

“But honey,” you argue, holding her hand close to your face, then you kiss her palm softly. “asking me to stop looking at you it’s nearly impossible. You’re so beautiful. There’s nothing in this room that could compete with the sight of you.”

“You’re a flirt.”

“Yes, and I also love you, Mrs. Luthor.”

She ditches her laptop immediately after that. “I love you, Mrs. Luthor.”

The bed smells like her. Some days that is exactly what you need. Her scent, her pillow, her side of the bed. You long for the memories and the heartbreak of not having her anymore. You fancy the touch of her favorite sweater, and the aroma of her shampoo. You yearn to use her favorite lipstick just so you can feel your lips are touching hers somehow. You need pictures, videos, and songs you used to listen to together. You ought to look at her handwriting and touch things you know she has touched before. You crave the small amount of her there is left in the house, and the memories you wish you had more of.

But then some days just the thought of her hurts you so deeply, you want to curl yourself in a ball of sadness as far as possible from her and the thought of her. Sometimes you go to the guest room, other times you need to be farther away. In Kara’s apartment, Nia’s, you even have gone as far as getting yourself a hotel room. Just any place you couldn’t see her.

But running doesn’t work. The thought of her will follow you everywhere. The memories and her eyes, the touches and her voice. Everywhere you go, no matter where you try to hide, Lena is there.

“Lena? You home?” You ask, knowing she probably is because her high heels are by the door, and her purse on the hanger next to it.

“In the bathroom, darling.”

You hum in agreement, though she can’t hear, and make your way to the fridge for something to eat.

“Come here!” She yells from there and you close the refrigerator door, following the sound of her voice promptly.

“Hmm, rough day?” You ask at the sight of her in the bathtub full of bubbles, looking at you with a sweet smile.

“No,” she calls you with her finger, and you come closer to kiss her lips. “Great day actually, and I came all the way over here thinking about a way to make it better.”

“Fun.” You give her a chaste kiss and try to get up but she won’t let you. She holds your neck, deepening the kiss.

“And you know what can make it better?” She raises her eyebrows at you. “You.”

You smile, knowing exactly what’s on her mind. She starts unbuttoning your shirt. “Care to join me?”

Most days you have hope. You hope she comes back out of thin air, exactly as she disappeared. You imagine she’ll run after you, touch your face with her hands and mouth, and stare into your soul with those gorgeous eyes of hers.

But there are a few days that you can’t lie to yourself. Lena is gone. She is, puff, gone. As simple and as complicated as that. Turned into dust. And there’s nothing in the world that tells you she might come back. Because there’s no reason why she was gone in the first place. No evil scheme in plain sight, no villain to claim their wicked deeds, no logic in this situation.

With six months, right around when everyone on Earth decides it’s time to reorganize their lives, all of Lena’s assets are transferred to your name. The lawyer said he had never seen someone look so miserable after getting rich.

“We should get married in a regime of separation.” You suggest and Lena snaps her head up from the place on your lap, looking shocked. “I mean, I’m rich. I don’t want to share my money.”

Lena laughs, knowing it’s a joke. You’re not poor, but by comparison you cannot call yourself rich while next to her.

“Is there something specific you don’t want me to have?” She narrows her eyes at you.

“My rain boots. You hate them way too much. I know you’re going to steal them as soon as you can. In fact, I’m still suspicious that you asking me to marry you is just so you can destroy them.”

She laughs again. “We don’t need to be married for that. Besides, I have it all planned. I’ll set it on fire and pretend it was accidental.”

You suck on air, dramatically. “My poor red rain boots! You’re a monster!”

Lena sets back on your lap, you run your finger through her hair. “But, I’m serious. You’re rich as fuck. I think you should-”

Your mouth is shut by a kiss. A ‘shut your stupid mouth’ kind of kiss. And she does it until you’re breathless and can’t talk anymore.

“What’s mine, is yours. Money, house, heart.” Lena strokes your cheek, lovingly. “Everything I owe, and everything I am. Everything is yours forever.”

Kara is pretty lonely. Not that you aren’t as well, having lost your wife and best friend all at once.

But sometimes you find yourself thinking it’s fair that you are alone. That you deserve it like that because you got to live when half of the universe has disappeared. Doesn’t seem fair nor logical. You’re not special. You’re not a superhero, or the smartest person around. Why were you spared and the most amazing person you’ve ever met, weren’t?

Kara doesn’t agree. She keeps trying to make sense of it all. Trying to convince you that you, too, are special. That you deserve to be here.

She lost her sister and best friend, so soon, she turns you into her rock. And it’s hard not doing the same. It’s hard not accepting a small portion of comfort from someone else, because the days are long and the nights are even longer now.

“Hey!” Kara knocks on the balcony door, waving her hand when you spot her on the other side. “I bought Alex’s favorite food, and I thought we could watch Lena’s favorite movie today.”

She does that a lot. So you two won’t forget them. Like you could ever. Like you don’t dream of Lena’s eyes everyday, like you don’t keep hearing her audio messages to you so you don’t forget her husky tone or the way she says your name, like you can’t still hear her heart beating inside of this house.

“Sure, let’s wallow in our misery.” You sit on the couch, she comes closer with her confused puppy face that you find adorable.

“It’s not wallowing.” But it is. And she knows it just as well as you do. So instead of arguing further, she dumps the bags of food on the coffee table, and sinks on the couch next to you. “It’s been a whole year.” She admits, or counts, and you agree with a nod. “A whole year without my sister, and my best friend, and your wife.”

“Kara,” she looks at you when you call her. “what if they are not coming back?”

She throws her head back on the cushion, looking at the ceiling. Her mouth is opened like she is about to say something, but nothing comes out of it.

“Then I guess,” She turns her face at you, looking at you doe-eyed. And you can see her eyes are full of tears and fears. “I guess we move on.”

“How?”

Kara gives you a sad smile, and holds your hand. “Together.”

[actuallylorelaigilmore]

2023 Movie Journey #8: The Menu

the menu. i’m glad i decided to watch this one. it wasn’t originally on my list, because i only knew ralph fiennes was in it and it’s about food--neither of those are specific draws for me. i had heard it involves class issues, it was being compared to glass onion in headlines i skimmed, so i wasn’t totally opposed to it, i just wasn’t sure either way. but then i saw john leguizamo talk about his role in an interview, and i hadn’t realized he was part of it; that made me reconsider. and then my favorite movie podcast put out an episode where they discussed m3gan--which i am desperate to get someone else’s opinion on since i saw it alone--BUT the episode also includes discussion of the menu. so i figured if i was ever planning on watching the menu, i had better do so soon, and then i’d be able to enjoy that podcast double-feature. (which now i can, yay!)

but my impression of this movie was definitely wrong, i’ll start by saying. i didn’t know it was really a horror movie--i knew there was some violence or gore, but i honestly thought for some reason that it was a movie about cannibalism, where the menu involved killing and cooking the customers. i have no idea where i got that idea, since it is not true. so now i’ve already watched more horror movies this year than i have in the last several combined, even if this one was by accident. and since i’m about to watch scream 5 (because i never did when it came out) in order to decide if i want to see scream 6 in the theater, i’m starting to reacclimate to horror and that’s a surprisingly nice feeling. in real life, i prefer to avoid violence always...but i’m okay with being desensitized to it in media because i don’t get to choose which stories include violence (so many!) and those stories can hold a lot of value for me otherwise.

anyhow, this movie really was good, and i’m not sure i have too much to say beyond that--the cast is great, from personal faves like judith light and nicholas hoult to reliable talents like ralph fiennes and anna taylor-joy. i didn’t realize before watching this that ralph fiennes is a jkr defender, so obviously that sucks, but he was hitting all the necessary levels in this--terrifying, sad, obsessive. and anna taylor-joy was another actor i didn’t even know was in this, which is pretty funny since she’s the real star. she makes an excellent final girl and as somebody who couldn’t get through the queen’s gambit i am thrilled to now know more of her work. i adore her thanks to this movie alone.

i did engage my newly-implemented horror rule of looking away when i need to--there are multiple suicides in this, for example, but most of the deaths were telegraphed well in advance so i didn’t have to see them. and because of my relationship to food, tbh there were some times when i looked away that didn’t involve any violence at all. this movie is simultaneously a love letter to food and a takedown of foodie culture, as much as it’s a takedown of wealthy restaurant customers and the way that restaurant culture destroys the workers that pour their lives into crafting food. because i’m so detached from food, i mostly enjoyed it as a well-told story rather than relating to any of it. 

i will add though that this is a fucking weird movie. that was my first immediate impression as i was watching it, so i shouldn’t just say i liked it without adding that. it is incredibly dark and twisted. but it so clearly knows what it wants to be doing that i was happily along for the ride. there’s something really enjoyable--at least for me--about a movie that’s completely committed to its premise, no matter how intense or specific (or bizarre) it may be. 

oh, also i liked the soundtrack to this one a lot. it wasn’t exactly all that special, more of the ‘classical with a modern twist’ that i love whenever i encounter it...but it made it fun for me to let the credits play to the end, because i enjoy that style of music all the time.

in conclusion, i would recommend this one if you like the cast, are interested in commentary on fine dining and the people that create it, or enjoy modern horror movies (especially ones that justify murdering the wealthy). i liked it a lot more than i thought i would.

[kylesvariouslistsandstuff]

Stats Time! Europe Saves Disney in the '70s

The so-called "Dark Age" of animation, and especially Disney's, the entirety of the 1970s and a good part of the 1980s... The span of films made in the post-Walt years from THE ARISTOCATS (1970) all the way up until - depending on who you ask - THE BLACK CAULDRON (1985). Some extend it further, counting THE GREAT MOUSE DETECTIVE (1986) and OLIVER & COMPANY (1988) as part of this "Dark" age or "Bronze" age or whatever.

I feel like those labels are an oversimplification...

While the general consensus is that the films made at Walt Disney Productions' animation wing in Burbank after the completion of THE JUNGLE BOOK and before the release of THE LITTLE MERMAID are relative low points for the company or that those films are just not-that-great (which is all subjective, I know at least one or two folks who make a case for this age of Disney being an "underrated" one), this was **not** a period of box office failure. That's for sure. Every film except THE BLACK CAULDRON made its money back. It is presumed that the Frankenstein-job clipshow feature that was 1977's THE MANY ADVENTURES OF WINNIE THE POOH also did pretty well...

After all, if one of those 1970s movies were to lose money, then the animation unit could've circled the drain. Heck, BLACK CAULDRON's performance brought about discussions of shutting down Disney Animation. That's all it could've taken... One movie losing money, and that would be the end of that. Animation was often at the mercy of indifferent executives who saw it as something too costly and something that just had a hard time drawing in audiences.

Finding box office stats isn't easy for older Disney animated films, you usually come across exaggerated or inflated numbers of some kind. (For example, THE JUNGLE BOOK did not make $73m in North America in 1967/68. The total was closer to $13m. Maybe $73m was the number it adjusted to in like, the 1990s?) International numbers are even muddier, but sometimes, you do find some juicy helpful information..

More recently, I discovered just how much the European box office helped Disney's animated features soldier on during a transitional, rollercoaster period...

I have often pointed out on here that France and West Germany were where these films usually made bank, big time. THE ARISTOCATS, ROBIN HOOD, THE RESCUERS, and THE FOX AND THE HOUND were all massive there, Top 10 hits. I mean, given that THE ARISTOCATS is set in Paris and the French countryside, it being a blockbuster in France is a given. Despite some Americanization (Southern-accented dogs, the very late '60s-looking American hippie cat in Scat Cat's gang, etc.), a lot of which likely bypassed in the movie's French dub. But yeah, French moviegoers rewarded each of these movies nicely, as did Germans on the West side of the Iron Curtain. This all came off just how *huge*, like ginormous THE JUNGLE BOOK was in West Germany and how big it was in France...

Even THE BLACK CAULDRON did pretty great in France. THE RESCUERS outgrossed STAR WARS... STAR WARS... In France and West Germany, in the same release year... Wild, huh?

Meanwhile, these movies did not crack the Top 10 in America in their respective release years. THE JUNGLE BOOK would be the last Disney animated movie to make the Top 10 domestically, until BEAUTY AND THE BEAST... Some 24 years later.

The UK box office was also quite charitable. THE ARISOCATS and ROBIN HOOD did exceptionally there, THE RESCUERS did well too. Unusually, THE FOX AND THE HOUND did not break the UK top 20 in its release frame... Maybe that one was a little too American? Too gloomy? I couldn't tell you.

Speaking of the UK box office, that's where the homegrown WATERSHIP DOWN shined. It only did, as far as I know, fairly here in the states.

Don Bluth's THE SECRET OF NIMH was a minor success in France, ditto AN AMERICAN TAIL. According to some reports out there, Ralph Bakshi's HEY GOOD LOOKIN' did pretty well in Europe despite a nonexistent run in the U.S.

Fascinating... Other countries to the rescue, it seems.