#i was in serious denial about being aro for a long time like i knew the label and knew it fit but i refused to use it for several months

[shmaroace]

don't get me wrong, i love all the positivity around being aro, like "be proud of being aro!! love who you are!!", but we never talk about how hard it is to reach that spot. so here's to the aros who are still trying to understand themselves, who aren't proud of who they are yet, who are still coming to terms with their new identity.

[cake-and-spades]

Tell me about internalized arophobia please, thanks

I have been struggling with putting down my thoughts/ feelings for this ask for months, and I finally just did what I do best and did some research. I looked up internalized homophobia and obviously not all of these will apply to arophobia (or to everyone) but it’s a good place to expand from!  I’m so sorry this took so long anon 😭

Bold text is taken from the Rainbow Project (LINK) with anything I added in plain text underneath.

Trigger warnings for things mentioned but not described in detail, take care of yourselves y'all:

homophobia / transphobia / biphobia / arophobia / etc

self harm

abusive relationships

drinking / substance abuse

suicide

pedophilia

(if I've missed any please let me know and I'll add them above)

01. Denial of your sexual orientation to yourself and others.

Fun fact: for the first like 2 weeks after I found out what aromanticism was I refused to identify as aro because of like, the crushing fear and disappointment and the belief I’d never be happy. And of course I *had* to experience romantic attraction some day, I just *had* to, *everyone* does. (Oof)

02. Attempts to alter or change your sexual your orientation.

Do I even need to explain this one? “Maybe if I just try hard enough I’ll start liking someone. Fake it till you make it, right?”

03. Feeling you are never good enough.

Personally, whenever I used to think about platonically dating people/ having nonromantic partner(s) I’d start getting down on myself and think “they deserve a Real (TM) partner, a Romantic (TM) partner, they deserve more than the disappointment I would be” or alternately, the thought that I’m disappointing my parents by not giving them a child-in-law & grandchildren

04. Engaging in obsessive thinking and/or compulsive behaviours.

Not sure exactly how this one could relate, perhaps in obsessively seeking out romance (in fiction or irl) or exposing yourself to it knowing it makes you uncomfortable ?

05. Under-achievement or even over-achievement as a bid for acceptance.

The whole who gets to be an "ally" because they aren't *really* LGBT+ comes to mind

06. Low self esteem, negative body image.

Self explanatory, but I will also add: not wanting to be seen as a Romantic Person, policing your actions and your body / body language so no one could ever see you as anything other than Platonic or friends with benefits. Disliking the parts of you that are typically coded by society to be "romantic" things.

07. Contempt for the more open or obvious members of the LGBT community.

Self explanatory but also: Gatekeeping. I’m thinking especially gatekeeping people who aren’t “aro enough” to be considered aro (you will always be "aro enough" as long as you ID as aro!)

08. Contempt for those at earlier stages of the coming out process.

Contempt for “cringey aros / aces who make the whole community look bad / childish / heartless” when they are just discovering themselves and having a good time (and many times are just kids)

09. Denial that homophobia, heterosexism, biphobia or sexism are serious social problems.

The thought: “Sure arophobia exists, but it isn’t a *real* problem like homophobia / transphobia / biphobia” Alternately: “yeah it’s not perfect, but it’s not like I have *real problems*”

Also a personal note: I didn't like. recognize that we live in an arophobic society? Like society definitely wasn't built for us but Baby Aro me refused to understand that.

10. Contempt for those that are not like ourselves or contempt for those who seem like ourselves. Sometimes distancing by engaging in homophobic behaviours – ridicule, harassment, verbal or physical attacks on other LGB people.

This one is similar to the ones above.

11. Projection of prejudice onto another target group.

Terfs, gatekeepers, etc

12. Becoming psychologically abused or abusive or remaining in an abusive relationship.

Self explanatory :( But especially: staying in a relationship even though it's hurting you, whether because of your partner or just because it isn't a good fit for you as an aro person.

13. Attempts to pass as heterosexual, sometimes marrying someone of the other sex to gain social approval or in hope of ‘being cured’.

Y’all ever faked a crush or just chosen one at random? Y’all ever dated someone you knew you didn’t “like” like while hoping you’d catch feelings someday or thinking it was like, the natural “next step” for your friendship? Y’all ever fear that some day everyone would find out you “”weren’t normal?”” Y’all ever cry bc you know you’ll never love a partner the way they’ll love you, because their love is “”more pure/ real”” or some bullshit???? It's the internalized arophobia 😌

14. Increased fear and withdrawal from friend and relatives.

"They won't like me anymore when they realize I'm not the same as them" "They'll see me differently" etc etc etc

15. Shame or depression; defensiveness; anger or bitterness.

Self explanatory :(

16. School truancy or dropping out of school. Also, work place absenteeism or reduced productivity.

Self explanatory, avoidance of problems and people

17. Continual self-monitoring of one’s behaviours, mannerisms, beliefs, and ideas.

This one seems like it would tie in with #6, specifically monitoring yourself for the Correct Amount of romance, even if you're faking it.

18. Clowning as a way of acting out society’s negative stereotypes.

I have nothing to add here

19. Mistrust and destructive criticism of LGBT community leaders.

I don't think I need to elaborate on this one askdjfdkj

20. Reluctance to be around or have concern for children for fear of being seen as a paedophile.

God I don’t even know why I have this specific internalized arophobia/homophobia. Like??? It doesn’t make sense from an aro perspective but boy do I got it. I love kids and I have an education degree, but am still constantly afraid people see me as a creep

21. Conflicts with the law.

22. Unsafe sexual practices and other destructive risk-taking behaviours-including risk for HIV and other STIs.

Lack of care and respect for self :(

23. Separating sex and love, or fear of intimacy. Sometimes low or lack of sexual drive or celibacy.

I mean some of this is natural and healthy for aros by nature of being aro, but fear of intimacy. Fear of being Known

These last two are self explanatory :(

24. Substance abuse, including drink and drugs.

25. Thinking about suicide, attempting suicide, death by suicide.

https://www.rainbow-project.org/internalised-homophobia/

[like-rain-or-confetti]

Request: Arranged Marriage

inspired by 'the night we met' - Lord Huron

The Volturi and the Cullen's always had a rocky relationship. The solution to this was very much dated in comparison to now. An arranged marriage was really the last option they had. It was decided Demetri would be the one and he chose you. He was very polite, a definite charmer but his attention stayed on you during your first meeting. He lifted your hand, pressing a kiss to your knuckles, eyes latched onto your golden ones. Neither of you were oblivious to how difficult this would be for the both of you. For you especially, it would be the calm before the storm. You did your best to foresee this as a journey and would be a good thing...but you couldn’t help but feel like you’d been sold off to a life of misery.

‘I am not the only traveler Who has not repaid his debt I've been searching for a trail to follow again Take me back to the night we met.’

When the Volturi brought you back to their territory, things suddenly felt very real. You were very quiet a lot of the time. Demetri kept you by his side for the first couple of weeks as well as while the ‘wedding’ was being planned. Alice would be planning it, in hopes to help you settle a bit more. Surprisingly Demetri was very attentive to your comfort. You appreciated it but nothing about the situation was much better.

Things didn’t go too well after the wedding. You wanted to go back to the Cullens, struggling to adapt to the Volturi lifestyle. It didn’t help when Demetri was beginning to lose patience. Then again, it had been years and you were never really the same after your first feed with the Volturi. You could never forget it. You screamed and struggled as they forced you to feed on a screaming and pleading human. Caius ranted about the dramatics and how it was practically abuse for Carlisle to encourage such a way of life for you. You were starving but every fibre of your being told you not to do it. Eventually it was left to Felix, Demetri, Alec and Jane to make sure you feed. The twins held your head over the human, pushing you to feed as both Demetri and Felix, yelled at you to give in and feed. After three hours of this relentless treatment, your body gave in and before you knew it, you were feeding on the human. It was then that you were met with praise from the two men as you sobbed though no tears would ever fall. 

When you were done, Demetri sat you up, wrapping his arms around you from behind. He mumbled to you about how this was good for you and that everything would be okay. You immediately tried to thrash him off, but he blocked just about all over your hits, forcing your arms to your sides as he continued to hold you. He told you to stop in a low voice. He expected this to come but this had to be done. It was that moment that he lost your trust in him and he knew it. It was completely possible if not definitive that you would never forgive him.

‘And then I can tell myself What the hell I'm supposed to do And then I can tell myself Not to ride along with you’

You were then beyond angry when you heard that Edward and Alice had been in the castle with a human that Edward was apparently romantically involved with. The Volturi were not happy and you were fuming. So much so, you asked the receptionist if you could borrow her phone. You promised you’d return it immediately before walking away with it. You dialled Edwards number, luckily he had still to board the plane so he picked up immediately. Unfortunately, this wouldn’t be a pleasant conversation. “Edward, you better explain to me what the hell you’re doing.” He explained which quickly grew into an argument.  “I think you forget that I’m the one who had to leave, to be here to make things better between both covens and you’ve not only disregarded me but also disrespected me in so many ways.” You said firmly. Edward had no issues in defending himself. He was adamant that what he was doing was right as well as continuing with a moral argument. You didn’t want to disrespect Carlisle in anger, so you finished with the last word. “Edward, if you give a damn about me, you’ll think this through. I gave up everything for our family and make things better. You’re wrong.” You hung up the phone, turning to see a smirking Caius. “My apologies, Master. I didn’t intend for you to overhear me.”  “No need to worry,” Caius continued to smirk. “I am relieved to see one of you have sense. “I just...I don’t understand why.” You admitted, feeling a bit hurt at Edwards actions. Caius tugged you to walk with him. “You don’t have to understand why. It doesn’t change that it’s wrong.”

‘I had all and then most of you Some and now none of you Take me back to the night we met I don't know what I'm supposed to do Haunted by the ghost of you Oh, take me back to the night we met’

Later that night, Demetri entered your shared room. “I was informed you were told Edward was here.” You nodded with a sigh. “I don’t even have words for it anymore.” You fidgeted with your wedding ring as Demetri sat beside you.  “Would you like to talk to me about it?” Typical Demetri, he was always there in an instant. It always gravitated you back to him. You couldn’t bring yourself to admit any love for him. You didn’t want to focus on your feelings for Demetri.  “Go on...” Demetri encouraged you.  “I can’t...fix this. I always did what i was told. I was the mediator. I fixed everything. I am the one to make things okay. I let go for two seconds and suddenly, Edward is being stupid and i feel like i have to run in and save everything. Yet I can’t figure out how to fix it because i’m always being told what i had to do to fix it!” You took a breath. “I want to be told how to live because so far i feel as though i’m doing it wrong. Yet i know that living isn’t so serious, it has never been so serious because in the end I control nothing in this universe- i’m tiny yet somehow i still feel that same cycle of wondering what i have to do to make everything okay as though the world will fall apart if i don’t. Just...tell me what to do. What do i do to fix this?” Demetri was quiet, staring at you.

Your confession somehow brought you both together. Somehow he knew you didn’t actually want an answer which worked because he didn’t actually know the answer. He could only really say that it wasn’t your responsibility to fix it. To hear someone else from the inside say it, it was a relief. You wondered if maybe you two could be closer friends. Now looking back, denial was a funny little thing.

‘When the night was full of terrors And your eyes were filled with tears When you had not touched me yet Oh, take me back to the night we met ‘

You and Demetri were watching the world go by on his balcony when things changed for you again. You had become more comfortable staying with him. It had only taken many many years. You were spending time together before going to the confrontation. A pain that you wanted a distraction from and Demetri was more than happy to give. Everyone could be dead for all any of you knew in a matter of days. “So if you liked a person, what did you do?” You nudged Demetri. “What everyone else did, talk, laugh, spending the time i had to with them but never made an effort. They’d be only temporary anyway.” Demetri smiled with a shrug. “And what if it was someone you loved?” You grinned. Demetri’s smile faded slightly, he turned his head to look at you, really look at you. You felt his intense stare it was almost smothering. Demetri didn’t feel love for many people in his existence. He watched them come and go. When he chose you, he thought it would be the same. He didn’t expect to love anyone. Some how against all odds, he had begun to fall in love with you and precious moments like these only seemed to seal the deal. There was beauty in everything you did. You were a better person than he could ever be. He had never said it though and you had never let on that you felt for him as he did you.  “I’d never let them go.” He mumbled quietly. It was clear how pointed the statement was. It was directed to you. A promise. You wrapped your fingers around his wrist before leaning up to him. Demetri said nothing, instead curling his fingers under your chin with his free hand and meeting you in a kiss. Neither of you really spoke about what that night really meant for you both. Demetri kept the ball in your court, not wanting to push you. It was a precious moment he’d keep but it didn’t mean your undying love or loyalty to him.

Seeing the Cullen’s and the Denali on the other side of you was hard. Especially knowing their fate if the girl was immortal. Irina promised you it was true and now seeing the girl for yourself your heart sank. There was a lot of talking which gave you hope that just maybe they’d go free but you couldn’t hold your breath. As Carlisle explained the girl, it became apparent that just maybe she wasn’t immortal. When Aro met her, her heart was much more prominent, louder for you to hear and quick in fear. Your hope grew but so did your worry, because it meant Irina was wrong. It was then you realised the dark truth. You’d be losing someone regardless of the turn out and you did. Demetri was quick to push you behind him, blocking your view when Irina was killed. You didn’t know her well, only meeting her a few times but she was family none the less...or at least she used to be family. Just when you thought it was over, the Romanians couldn’t resist calling you out, calling you a traitor. Demetri pulled you into his side, wrapping an arm around your shoulder as he stared the other side down. You looked up at him before looking at the Romanians. “I chose Demetri long ago and I...he knows how i feel for him. I don’t have to hide it.” You looked up at him to find him looking down at you in shock.  “I’ll always choose you.” You said to him quietly. 

You and Demetri were about to head back into the castle when you halted. A music festival was on tonight and you could hear the new song that was being played. A smile grew on your face. Demetri noticed, and couldn't help but smile in confusion as you leaned against the wall to your right. "What?" You reached out your hand for Demetri to take. "Stay with me for a while. I like this song." You sang the next lyric quietly as he gripped your hand, you tugging him closer. "Take me back to the night we met." After a few minutes he broke away to head inside, he’d have to take up his position soon. You turned back only to be called on one last time from Demetri, softer than ever before. “I love you too.” You smiled at him before turning back to the festival. You couldn't help but think of your relationship with Demetri. He had been with you all along, being the good guy and the bad guy to help you, tough love if needed. Everything to the very beginning, when he first lifted your hand and kissed your knuckles. The night you met.

[luckilyiambrave]

you've only been kissed on the cheek one time? i love to kiss people on their cheeks is just so cute! also i feel u with the sexuality crisis, my "crush" or whatever the fuck she is kissed me once(well repeatedly after that) just because we were both having doubts about each other an such, now the thing is we tried dating and we lasted two days bc i gay panicked and she still had feelings for her ex, anyway i think i like her and i can't process this shit

and she was like "i think i wanna kiss you, i know you're aro ace but don't you wanna try" and here's the thing i thought i was aro ace but i was just in denial (still am) bc I've never liked anyone and i genuinely thought that, but then we kissed and all of that happened and i have a big ass sexuality crisis and i still on it and i just don't know how to feel about her, and i feel bad for taking the label of aroace before :(( idk why im telling you this i just been repressing it for so long im just so conflicted??? almost every dream i had since the incident (about 3 months ago) has involved her, kissing her, being with her, and i just.... i dont wanna be in a relationship with her even.... or maybe i do i don't even know, she's my best friend and im not even sure of what im feeling AGHHHHHHH god sexuality and relationships are just so complicated but also being in denial doesn't help the situation

A: i can't help but feel you on A LOT of these things actually. Even though, yeah ,I haven't legitimately kissed anyone except for the cheek kiss that made me blush for rest of that day. I've thought about kissing people and my feelings are just a big mess as is. I repress a whole lot of shit which i think has a lot to do with guilt too. I used to identify on the ace spectrum and sometimes i see people around me show me affection and i like???? push them away i guess. idk if it's from having a first relationship on online which made me think “i can't kiss a person 700 miles away from me." and it stuck. So for a long time I thought maybe I am ace or flux or whatever you know. Then I realized that ace didn't feel right, wasn't me. People still get an ace vibe from me because I'm so quiet about anything remotely intimate there's more more to that. The thing is though I want that connection with a person. It's just another story when people actually do it. I do whole gay panic thing because I don't know if they are just being nice??? THE DREAMS I've had the whole kissing your best friend dream a lot. It's all fun and games until they decide to slip into your subconscious. My old best friend told me about her first kiss with with a girl and she told me that it was just "fun" (as in like she didn't see herself with girls in a serious relationship and there she was kissing girls. ) to her which rubbed me a bit wrong because i knew she had to be in love with this other girl that's she's still obsessed with to this day. I might have hinted that I liked her once (in theory) probably shouldn't have. and then she slipped in my dreams but we're kinda distant now.sexuality is such a finicky thing between different people because we all have different experience. But lately, like you I've been having dreams about someone who I think genuinely cares for me that I see a lot of and then there's me trying to repress it all because i don't think a relationship would work. But I usually don't feel for people like this and my brain in my dreams is like TOO BAD! GENTLE HEAD TILT AND KISS NO THOUGHTS. ONLY KISS. I don't know how to feel either. tldr: you might have feelings and that's okay! sometimes feelings are messy and sometimes they don't have mean anything at all. and labels change don't ever feel like you have to be this one thing forever because you meet different people along the way. I hope we figure this out eventually but till then cheers to repressing feelings?

[smollandtoll]

HC: 5Hole

TW: this headcanon mentions other people in the NHL including certain Blackhawks and Capitals you might not want to read about. You can skip this one and won’t hurt our feelings OR just read until you get to the section divider that indicates the rest of our HC that doesn’t particularly involve just Sid/Geno.

Have you ever listened to Ariana Grande in the shower and immediately come out with an entire head canon about a Gay Hockey Bar called 5Hole? No? Just me?

So imagine Mario owns this establishment of course and Sid works there as a bartender. He’s perpetually single, mostly because he is super awkward, but also a little because his lower half is always behind the bar. There’s also the fact that he’s hopelessly in love with a regular named Geno and no one wants to get in the middle of whatever epic romance they’re figuring out together.

Geno’s story goes something like: he tried to work at 5hole, but was literally always late, and drank too much while on shift, and was generally the worst bartender because he'd get distracted flirting with patrons instead of y'know working. So he turned into a regular, and is ALWAYS dating someone new/constantly with a boyfriend. Cue Sid being like terribly in love with him from afar for 8 years.

We love a pining Sid - meanwhile Geno’s like, “Sid's good friend! Very cute boy. Weird little bit, but fun to chirp. Flirt with Sid all the time. He never show any interest.” See why no one wants to get in the middle of that? Besides you never know if Sid’s going to do something to one of Geno’s date’s drinks. Like he hasn’t so far, because he’s Sid, but sometimes he looks long and hard at the way they giggle up at Geno from under his arm and takes a really long time to set their drink down on the bar. Anyway Geno's busy having a great time and being young and a mess and missing his family so fiercely he doesn't even think his heart is capable of love any more it's so broken, y’know casual. So he's not looking, not even thinking to look back at Sid because sometimes someone just doesn’t register as a prospect.

Meanwhile Geno is like so scary to Sid, like he's so bright and bold and fearless and like he's got so much drama, with all the people in his life and like the on again off again friendship with Ovi and all the other shit, the Russian politics, the constant internal struggle against self-hatred. He’s always in and out of the bar, always laughing brightly at someone pretty or giving his friends shit and then turning his smile on Sid, and Sid just can’t help but be so drawn to him. Geno is so much, and Sid is so little, he doesn’t think he could compare at all, he doesn’t have deep thoughts or an interesting background, he’s not sexy or silly or fun or any of the other things Geno seems to look for in a date.  

He definitely wouldn't know what to do even if some miracle happened and he managed to capture Geno’s affection and attention. To always have the weight of Geno's gaze and possessiveness on him? Like it'd be so nice, but also when he flirts even just a little, Sid always FREEZES. It's been years and he still doesn't know how to handle it. So he’s writing himself off.

But other than the Geno drama, Sid actually really likes being a bartender. It suits him because he can’t flirt (that well) but he can quickly and efficiently prepare drinks when it’s busy af and it’s easy for him to stay low-key and focused. He’s actually the best, he's quick, his eyes never miss anything (he's definitely caught a few doctored drinks), he remembers an infinite amount of orders, he's clean, he's no nonsense, and he's pretty enough to make really decent tips when he smiles even if he can’t flirt worth a damn.

Mario is definitely grooming him to take the bar over - sending him to business school, letting him stay with him indefinitely (this is definitely one of those stories where Sid was like wayward, but not in a terrible way, just a little at loose ends and in need of a decent paying job and Mario swoops in with all the experience and convenient answers). (At this point we got deeply excited by possibilities of other people in this universe and our adorable Sid/Geno plot went off the rails. We just have so many faves, guys!)

Other things about the bar/patrons (stop reading here if you don’t want other people):

Mario is one of those old gays that realized late in life that they COULD be gay, like long after they had a wife and four kids and a career and things. Mario's “one that got away” was probably Gretzky (like, okay, in retrospect, I was in love with him and very in denial about it) and Jagr was probably a young coworker that got along well with him and occasionally experienced a tension-laden moment at a conference or two after a few drinks and was DEEPLY IN LOVE WITH HIM despite Mario explicitly saying "BACK OFF I'M VERY HETERO AND HAVE A WIFE AND BABIES I LOVE." But you know how it is when someone is in so much denial about who they actually are, and Jagr knew, he KNEW. But he also wasn’t self sacrificing enough to stick around waiting only to get burnt over and over while Mario always prioritised his wife.

Basically in this universe, NHL = gay(/bi/pan/poly/aro/ace/various other QUILTBAG abbreviations/occasionally straight because they can’t ALL be gay but like just most of them!). There are a lot of regulars at this bar, and they float in little interest groups and cliques depending on who is dating who and who has what in common - you know like real life. Here are some of the groups and what we think about them.

Jonathan Toews is the other bartender who works in tandem with Sid, because we just imagine this being a super Canadian bar. Jonny is hot and serious and deadpan and if Sid’s the shy (but incredibly competent) one with a great smile then Jonny is the intimidatingly tall and hot one. Regular bar patrons occasionally give guys the DL on the Sid <3 Geno situation - if someone is interested in wooing Geno feel free to hit on him, make out with him, but they usually get warned to grab their drinks from Tazer.  

Patrick Kane is one of those self hating gay dudes who comes to the bar to pick up and fuck in the bathroom and then goes back to saying f slurs with his finance bros. He’s probably very angsty and Tazer probably serves him a lot of water and stern looks.

Jamie Benn is one of those gay boys that has no style and doesn't know how to be gay at all. Sid feels for him deeply when he first starts coming in with just the solidarity of his straight brother who kind of abandons him to hustle at pool and watch hockey (hockey is always playing at 5Hole). Tyler Seguin probably swoops in early, takes him for haircuts and makeovers and long late-night heart-to-hearts they pretend are just bro-chats but no one is surprised when it turns out they’re secretly in love with each other.

Flower and Tanger are in some kind of open or poly relationship. As far as Sid can tell, Flower is married to a woman, but a couple times a month he and Tanger come to 5Hole and Tanger goes off to pick up a third guy for Flower’s inspection while Flower shoots the shit with Sid at the bar.

Phil Kessel genuinely comes in for the beer and the hockey and to not hear gay slurs while enjoying them. At first Sid thought maybe he was in the wrong bar and tried to warn him they weren’t a normal hockey bar, but Phil didn’t even look up from the beer menu and scathingly told Sid that he didn’t have his rainbow ID card with him that day, his apologies. After a while they all got used to him being gruff at the bar, focused on the TV more than the company, but still getting hit on relentlessly by like Hags. Phil usually tells him "SURE KID WHATEVER. YOU'RE TOO PRETTY FOR THE LIKES OF ME, MOVE ON." But Hags likes him, and thinks he’s cute and is slowly eroding Phil’s disbelief. Phil deserves love too.

Whenever Hags feels like he’s starting to cross the border into being harassing however it’s okay, he pays for Phil’s drink and then retreats to the corner that is occupied by mostly blonde swedes. Taken into Horny’s open (usually bare and glistening) arms, hair ruffled by Erik Karlsson.

The rest of the Swedes are a small contingent and insanely hot. They usually all break into their individual cliques and return every so often to Nicklas Backstrom’s table where he watches over them all with a stony expression of love, and makes sure the babies don’t get drugged (looking at you Willy Nylander).

There is a similar table of Loud Hot Russians, that is mostly lead by Ovi, and, depending on where their on and off friendship is at, Geno. But obviously Ovi is always like "SID! NICKY HERE?" literally any time he comes in. Ovi is just SMITTEN from the beginning, loving that beautiful impassive man, seeing the WARMTH WITHIN NICKY knowing he NEEDS OVI'S JOVIAL NATURE IN HIS LIFE. Whenever he can say something that gets Nicky to smile it’s 100% worth all his scathing looks and comments and he drunkenly pledges that he’s going to spend the rest of his life trying to make Nicky smile as much as possible. Nicky thinks he’s certifiably insane, but eventually caves and starts hesitantly dating him, and they are definitely instantly the new old married couple at the bar. And then all the Russians and Swedes get strangely intermixed a lot. Geno and Horny being brothers etc.

The Bi Guy club is mostly just Tyler Seguin, Paul Bissonnette talking shit and giggling in a corner and occasionally leaving 5Hole to pick up down the street at the straight club.

IF ANYONE was gonna be part of the drag act that comes in on the first Friday of the month it'd be PK and his Predators. Roman Josi in drag would be so beautiful. Baby gays Kevin and Juuse, longtime queens Pekka and Shea (#denial). Those Preds are so pretty.

Johnny Hockey would be that twinky kid who is like actually maybe too afraid to have sex yet but acting all mature and like he can handle it but he's sEEN SOME FUCKED UP PORN, HE KNOWS ASSHOLES CAN JUST RIP AND HE'S SMALL he's just ANXIOUS. It doesn’t help that he’s deeply hung up on Sean Monahan who runs in the Fuck Boy circle with Tyler Seguin, Tom Wilson, Michael Latta, and Brady Skjei. He is afeared. It’s okay though, Jeff Skinner, and Beau Bennet comfort him and take in Mitch Marner when he wanders in on his 18th birthday.

There’s definitely a kind of low self-esteem but thicc as hell club? President Tyson Barrie, VP Nate Mac, Treasurer Jamie Benn. THEY ARE ALL SO SHY AND WEIRD BUT SO JACKED AND FUNNY??? Gabe's gotta always be tagging along with them because he thinks he fits right in, not because he's ugly or they're ugly but because he thinks they are all smart and funny. And also Tyson is super cute and he is INTO IT. But it like PEEVES Tyson like no other because GABE DOES NOT BELONG.

Tyson: Why does he not spend all his time with the hot swedes, he gets to be hot AND FUNNY. RUDE. Gabe doesn't know how to stay in HIS LANE. THERE IS SUCH THING AS TOO PERFECT GABRIEL. LOOK GABE, GO BACK TO YOUR HOMELAND, LOOK, THAT ONE WHO LOOKS LIKE A PIRATE PROBABLY IS MISSING YOU. 

Gabe just exchanges looks with Nate and buys Tyson a very sugary drink (basically anything that ends in -tini) and smiles at him a lot to see him turn increasingly fluorescent shades of red.

Tom Wilson and Michael Latta despite their best intentions as part of the Fuck Boy clique are those guys who have been in a high school sweethearts level committed relationship for EVER AND EVER and everyone is like "maybe you should play the field" and they're like ....I don't think I need to. Because they have everything they need in their meathead bro! Solid sports understanding? Companionship? Twice the wardrobe? A+ blowies??? Done, done and done.

There is also the older distinguished extremely handsome gentleman's society aka Henrik Lundquist and Patrick Sharp. They’re biding their time, eyeing up future Gabe and Holtby. Ovi occasionally tries to set up shop with them and they're like "Good try, you might be silver but you're still like 28."

Thennn idk probably plot would happen like Geno would start dating someone and drama would occur and someone would have to force Sid to talk about his feelings and Geno would realise that he could have had Sid all along BECAUSE WE NEED LOVE. 

5HOLE!

[aroacehogwarts]

Can you do a fic about a first year hufflepuff who is aro/ace thinking they are broken and then found by Dumbledore, crying over a potions book.

TW: internalized aro/acephobia

They could fix it. They knew they could. They could find the spell that would make them understand why cooties had been so scary a few years ago. They could find the spell that would make them catch up to their friends in dating people for a day and starting to look more at the pictures of wix in the zines instead of the games. They could find something that would make sure they were interested in dating by next year, where the slightly older kids seemed to all be hooked up.

Their best bet was potions. They hadn’t heard of any spells that changed emotions. Only looks. And they needed something more. So potions would have to do. “Maybe a love spell?” they murmured to themselves. After flipping through nearly the whole book, their heart began to sink. There was nothing even like a love potion in their meager book meant for first years just learning how to brew.

No! There had to be something. They started flipping back through pages, trying to maybe find two potions they could merge together for the intended fix. Boil removal was useless. Maybe a forgetfulness potion could make them forget how they didn’t feel? Did that even make sense? Wideye potion - also useless unless they wanted to die from never ever sleeping. Herbicide potion. No, they weren’t a plant and they were also already broken. “No, no, no, no, no!” they shouted in dismay. Nothing would do. Nothing would fix them.

Before they knew it, their face was wet and they were staining pages on their textbook. Merlin, they were too old to be crying! “Stop it,” they choked out.

The denial nor the command would stop the tears, though.

And in the abandoned classroom, bent over their textbook to hide their face, is where Dumbledore saw the yellow-clad source of the noise. A sobbing first year. Nothing new for Dumbledore. You get many homesick kids at boarding school. You also get kids whose home education was lacking and are suddenly overwhelmed by their workload, bullying problems, and even simple misunderstandings causing tears. Dumbledore had been doing this for quite a long time now, though, and these tears seemed quite a bit more serious than homesickness or being overwhelmed by work.

“Well, this is a sad sight,” Dumbledore said, making his presence known. “One your age should not be troubled by concerns so harsh as you seem to be.”

A hiccup interrupted the sobs, as the startled first year looked up towards the intruder.

“Headmaster!” they said, scrambling to their feet in what Dumbledore imagined was meant to be either a display of strength or respect. They furiously wiped at their tears, trying to hide their perceived shameful actions from the professor in charge of the school.

Dumbledore smiled kindly. “You might be surprised to learn that I cry, as well. Sometimes I even sit down in anticipation of a good cry. It has a habit of making us feel better after having done it.” He offered a clean hanky to the Hufflepuff child.

“I- I wasn’t,” they said. “I was just…”

“Hm, doing some potions homework?” Dumbledore asked, nodding down at the book.

The child’s face went red as they tried to hide the book behind their back. “Umm -”

“Or perhaps some - ah, extra credit?” Dumbledore provided.

Perhaps Dumbledore’s reputation preceded him, or perhaps the young one just needed someone to take an interest.

“I’m… Well, there’s something wrong with me, you see,” they said, spitting out the word wrong as if just saying it would make things worse.

“Sick? Hurt? Could you not find the hospital wing?” Dumbledore asked.

“No… Something. Something inside of me.” Dumbledore waited patiently. “I think my friends are… they’re starting to like, like like other people. But I - I don’t think I do.”

“I thought you said there was something wrong with you,” Dumbledore prodded further. He knew they’d hit the crux of the problem, though.

“There is!” they exclaimed. 

“Because… you are different?”

“Because I’m wrong!”

“What makes you wrong?”

“I - I - well, I should…”

“Says who?” Dumbledore asked, peering over the top of his half-moon glasses.

“I…” The child’s face became thoughtful. “I just don’t want to be left out.”

Dumbledore smiled and reached out a hand to put on the first year’s shoulder. “There are many things in life that make us different. The way we look, the food we like, the clothes we prefer, the books we read, the spells we’re best at… Too many things to list, unless you want to be here all night.” The Hufflepuff snorted softly. “Unless something you like or are doing hurts someone else, there is nothing wrong with these differences. They’re what make us so interesting. There will be plenty of things in life that you like that your friends do not and vice versa. But you will know who is really your friends because they will accept you all the same. In fact, they might find your differences the most interesting parts of your friendship.”

“I never thought about it like that, I guess,” they replied softly, still internally debating.

“If you find yourself still upset over this, you should talk to Professor Sprout. I think you’ll find that she understands how you feel, and maybe you won’t feel so alone,” he said, knowing Pomona took great care in being a mentor to the young queer students of her house, knowing he might have just found one.

After a few moments of silence, the Hufflepuff finally looked Dumbledore in the eyes. “Thank you, Headmaster,” they said, their voice so young but their words genuine.

Dumbledore removed his hand from the shoulder. “Off you go, then. I suspect you do have some potions homework you were meant to be doing. If you hurry, perhaps you might catch your friends before they put their homework away so they can help you.”

With a panicked and slightly serious look, the child nodded and dashed off. Dumbledore shook his head in amusement and wandered back off down the hall, taking his time. One never knew what they might find on a walk.

~Hufflepuff Mod