#i will just block you

[vaspider]

Feisty Lady Anger and other things about me you hate

My mother prizes her anger, for all that she doesn't express it openly. I tell stories about her spiteful, steel-spined responses to people who told her, "You can't do that," and I point to them as Why I Am How I Am. Her father told her he wouldn't pay for her college because "women only go to earn the MRS degree," and she could "get married and have babies" without college. In response, Mom got her bachelor's in Mathematics in 1970 on her own dime, back in the days when in-state students didn't pay tuition at state schools (just another thing Reagan ruined). She worked and paid for her books and housing, got her degree, paid for her own wedding because he wouldn't do that either. Taught school, got her Master's, had three kids, started her Ph.D. with 3 under 6 and became a professor when the youngest was 5.

Tell me I can't, my mom told the world, and I'll show you that I can. I won't just do it, I'll become a department head and a Distinguished Professor and retire after 30 years of teaching other math teachers with a list of achievements as long as my arm.

There is an anger that runs deep in the women in my family. Tell me I can't, and I'll show you I can. Show me injustice and I'll tear at it with my teeth and hands, staring you down while I do. Backwards and in heels.

I can't tell you the moment I crossed out of Feisty Lady Anger in the eyes of the people close to me, but I can tell you the moment I noticed. Maybe it was when my voice started dropping or the growing muscles on my shoulders pulled my stance more square and upright. Maybe it was when I moved from they/them to he/they, and somehow I stepped from Diet Woman to Too Close To Man in their eyes.

It's a funny thing when all of a sudden your anger becomes real enough to be startling to people. Your anger is no longer feisty, charming, and attractive. This thing that people liked about you, that people who say they love you said they loved about you, suddenly becomes frightening, upsetting, and terrible. The way you didn't let people mow over you and fought back used to be a thing that people admired. It was actively attractive. It was one of your best qualities.

Now? It's ugly. It's disgusting. It's scary. The thing you were is gone, and now your anger is real to them.

It's in that moment that the blade cuts back towards you. You realize the reason your squared shoulders and set jaw drew people in couldn't be squared with the stubble on that jaw or the newfound strength in your arms. Feisty Lady Anger isn't real, not in the way a man's anger is real. Feisty Lady Anger is admirable, sure, but it is admirable because of its essential ineffectual nature. At most, Feisty Lady Anger fixes minor problems for the kids at school, gets the principal to back down from scolding your child when she politely asks the kid calling her a faggot on the bus if he knows what that really means, pushes a woman to achieve for her family, in appropriately neutered ways.

When you stop pretending to be a woman and become who you really are, when your anger becomes real, you realize both that the thing about you that people loved is gone and that this thing was attractive in the first place because of its ineffectiveness. Your anger wasn't scary because it wasn't real enough to be threatening.

Now you have Man Anger, and, you're told, you should apologize for that. It doesn't matter if it's the same anger you've always had, or that you're angry about the same things. It comes now in baritone, with belly hair and bellowing, and now it's both real and disgusting.

The worst part is watching it come from people you thought should know better, the people who should understand. You spent nearly 40 years being told to sit down and shut up because the men in your professional career were speaking, assured that if you just waited your turn, you'd be given a place to speak eventually, and now here you are being told within a community that claims to love and understand you, by people that claim to be in community with you and love who you are, that you actually don't have any real problems to speak about, also your Man Anger and Man Privilege (when do I get that, please?) are Scary and mean you should sit down and wait, and you'll be given a place to speak eventually.

It is the Transmasculine Catch-22: if you become Man Enough to no longer fit into Almost Lady, your anger becomes Real, which makes you realize that your anger wasn't Real before, but because it's Real now, you're not allowed to have it. And by the way, you're not allowed to be neither Man or Lady - now you're Man Enough, and that makes it all the more clear how you were simply Kirkland Signature Lady right up until the point you weren't.

There will be a few people who Fucking Get It, who don't see you as either a Failed Lady or a Broken Man, and you'll love those people all the more for their rarity. It won't take the sting out of realizing that the things people you love loved about you before now disgust and repel them, but it'll make it enough to keep going.

You couldn't stop, anyway. You've never felt more yourself, and the people who don't love you, the actual you, the real you... the loss of that hurts, but not nearly as much as the idea of pretending to be something else did.

[texasthoughtsaboutnothing]

Coming back to Limbus after a several month break. Canto V is peak fiction, and the new UI is miles ahead of what we had before in terms of function even if it is less interesting. MD3 just dropped and seems much better than MD2. We also now have a good content creator in ESGOO. Things are looking up.

Seriously considering deleting my last post about the subject, I know it's one of the things that shows up often on the PM tag and often gets reblogs out of nowhere. I personally forgive what few issues proved to be real; it was frankly a dumb and bad idea to hope by being quiet they could make the heat die down and should have just formally announced a resignation as well as given a statement against harassment (I also kinda wish Kim fought harder to keep Vellmori) but we can't know how things went in private conversation. In addition, the mistakes made feel like reasonable mistakes by a team lead who is much better at creating than management and they don't feel like complete failings of moral character. The one thing that does feel that way (Leviathan) seems to have lead to a change in development philosophy; no more strict roadmaps, now just a simple list of future content, which is much better for company morale and avoids crunch and burnout to meet promised deadlines. And when someone does something bad, surely the best you can hope for is they change their behavior and learn from their mistakes?

This will be the last time I post about this topic in particular (God please), I hope the lawsuit goes well and the news gets out that the situation really wasn't as bad as headlines made it seem, but sadly I doubt their reputation in the eyes of many will be fixed even with receipts because first impressions matter.

[non4ry]

awooooo!

[1pcii]

SHADAHKNKAS saw u in the notes of some kuina posts and that made me realize that there is simply a bond with kuina and tashigi fans, who may even often be the same fan, because AOUGHHH KUINA I CARE HIM SO MUCH episode 19 literally changed me forever. swords + gender struggles are all you need to hook me on a character sometimes Maybe. the whole greatest swordsman promise... sob. also. something about zoro promising his name will reach the heavens and trans kuina. which made me think.. what if kuina and The trans fear of dying then having your deadname on your tombstone that you can't do anything about because you're dead. kuina dying before they even get to figure everything out and all of a sudden he's just known as kuina forever, and then zoro making a name for himself in kuina's honor or something idk (i like zoro's backstory) (KUINA )

THERE ISS. people who theorise that they are secretly related or the same person or direct parallels are so close to getting it but don't imo (no shade to those theories tho, I just personally find them narratively unsatisfying).

like they are parallels in that kuina is symbolic of the sexism people suffer and tashigi is an adult woman who has come out the other end sword swinging but ultimately so unsure of herself as a result. also the (trans)genderisms, we are all hand in hand 🤝.

MAN KUINAS STORY BROKE ME DOWN ON A BASE LEVEL AND REWIRED NY BRAIN. I had to take a break from reading just to let it soak in it's so good, a swordsmans promise indeed, that scene was beautiful, I love zoro the world's first a accidental feminist <3. zoro carrying on her dream with his will never not have me in hysterics.

FUCK YEA THATS SUCH A GOOD IDEA. I have soo many thoughts about baby!zoro and kuina and trangenderism. egg kuina cis zoro, egg kuina STEALTH TRANS ZORO ABSVDJFBKSHDKDN <333.

little baby zoro looking at his grave with the uncontrollable urge to carve out those letters. to carry and rearrange them and make sure they get back to him in the afterlife spelling 'worlds greatest swordsman'.

trans kuina makes me so emotional because ultimately I don't know if they were canonically trans but it's my FAVOURITE 'what if' for them. they never really got to be anyone outside the dojo masters daughter. the failure of a heir and the girl who beat zoro 2001 times. who would they have been if they got to grow up? come to terms with themselves and unlearned all that heavy, painful biases pushed onto them? as a transmasc who's studying into a (cis)male dominated field myself ik, the feelings of 'betrayal' and 'proving misogynists right' and imposter syndrome and inadequacy issues and perfectionism they might've gone through,,, sobbing my eyes out HE MEANS EVERYTHING TO MEE.

zoros backstory is genuinely one of my favourite parts of the manga idc how 'simple' it was it's still beautiful.

[icecreambeach]

I'm just confused as to why you defend the idea of people writing whatever they want in fanfiction, why do you think people can write nasty things about children? Or pairing kids with adults and playing it out as hot or okay? Why?

I think people can write whatever they want in fanfiction because they will anyway. There's nothing I or you or anyone else can do about it.

The only effective actions you can take against child abuse (a sin as old as humanity and so globally prolific that it's impossible to fully conceive of,) is to find actual work you can do in your local community. It certainly isn't worrying about the .001% of the population who publish fan fiction online and pestering completely unrelated people in their inboxes.

I'm also suggesting this because, all these anon messages you keep churning out? All you've done is ensure that writers/artists will create different accounts to publish different kinds of content. I PROMISE you, some of your ABSOLUTE FAVES are writing nasty shit under different accounts. It's SO easy to do. I've seen it and I've heard it. People love meaningless online clout, they're not going to risk their amount of Likes or Kudos by muddying their content feeds with controversial works.

Because all censorship does is ensure that works considered distasteful by the majority of the population will go underground. Tale as old as time.

If you want to create a fic hosting site that prohibits such works, you can do that. Maybe you should do that! Seems like a lot of people would be into it. You need to create your own safe space. You need to curate your own online experience.

If this is taking up so much real estate in your head that you find it a good expenditure of your time to anonymously ask random people about it, you need to ask yourself if you actually care about protecting kids or if you just want to ensure that your escapist zones are as morally pure as possible so that you can more comfortably ignore all of the actually effective work you could be doing.

[conspiracy-crows]

Shuffle your favourite playlist and post the first five songs that come up. Then copy/paste this ask to your favourite mutuals <3

Favorite?? Favorite?!

My dear, darling bestie

You are well aware of the fact that I cannot possibly pick a favorite of the likely nearing 100 playlists I have

So you're getting my super mix from yt music lol.

1) All the ways I could die, Arrows in action

Not actually one I'm super familiar with, but Arrows in Action is amazing and I love all their shit, just have faves

2) I don't care(single version) Fall Out Boy

A classic, a fave, always gotta do a little dance

3) Clean(Taylor's Version), Taylor Swift

If you're gonna be a dick about me liking swift, please see yourself out cuz I'm not gonna argue with you. A lot of the criticism of her lackluster activism and political shit is valid. But I don't listen to her for politics. She writes good songs I maladaptive daydream to, that's it. I'm not some mega swiftie, and some of y'all haters act crazier than her craziest fans.

4) Part of me, Noah Kahan

One of his "older" (pre stick season) songs, a really good one! Most of his shit is amazing. Though my fave has to be Mess.

5) Savior, Black Veil Brides

I still remember talking with my now former step-sibling at a conservative Christian homeschooling event about if we could possibly sneak the song past the parents. Since it was called that lol. One of my absolute Faves of theirs, also adore Savior II that came out last year. Have been listening since Knives and Pens. Was one of the bands my father REFUSED to buy for me, cuz they were evil and "all that dark stuff makes your depression worse" 🙄 I'm not sure he ever actually listened to their stuff.

Will have to pick which mutuals to send this to hmmmm

[neopronouns]

hey, wanted to check, do you believe in transandrophobia/transmisandry? ive seen stuff suggesting that you do but i want to solidly confirm or deny it so im not wondering anymore. have a good day!

i do, yes

[dariusowlhouseweek]

Please don’t be shipping Lilith, she’s canonically aroace and uninterested in dating. It’s very disrespectful to her character and the aroace representation.

Hi I am aroace, I realize how you got here because "relationships" in fandom usually means romantic but I did mean it in the sense of familial or platonic as well. If I'd meant it in a romantic context I would have said Darius/Lilith

but also man it's just an interest check for what prompts people want based on the answers to my quiz, I don't even know if whoever wrote that ships Darius and Lilith romantically

also follow-up. please do not take this as an invitation to involve me in shipping discourse. I could not be less interested in participating

[wrecked-at-the-core]

it’s kinda funny how so many systems want so badly to use all the terms and have a say over every single thing ever lmfao

so many of y’all say you’re prorecovery etc etc etc

but then you go and do shit like treat parts as separate people, or littles like actual kids, or some dumb shit like that

you shout and rant about being so so niceys and progressive and inclusive and you claim to listen when someone speaks up BUT

y’all only listen when it’s something that’s convenient to you. you don’t listen when it’s a semiverbal individual calling y’all out for using an incorrect term. you don’t listen when told that parts don’t have entirely different disorders. you don’t listen when told to not be racist.

y’all can pretend to be friendly and good and politically correct all you like, it’s really just making you laughable

[cooking-with-hailstones]

"It's really frustrating to see AO3 getting so many donations when so many mutual aid posts are routinely ignored"

Fair and valid!

"You're EVIL because you donated to that DISGUSTING website full of freaks and perverts"

NOPE. BLOCKED

[never-close-our-eyes]

What is a Pro-Shipper?

From my understanding, a pro-shipper is someone who is "pro-fiction" or says fiction doesn't affect reality. Most engage in very NSFW topics or even ship siblings, so I choose not to interact. Always consider your morals before you ship something or engage in media, please

[ohnoitsthebat]

Wtf did he send Paul bettany? Genuinely asking. Doesn't excuse the fact that heard is still the abuser lmao

Google is free, but since I have time tonight, I'll share the messages with you. Also, I'm not going to get into a debate with you about Heard, so. You believe what you want to believe. Even if you believe that JD was the victim and that his texts were him "venting", that doesn't excuse Paul Bettany's responses. It was none of Paul's business, and a good friend would not have joined in on those death threats. Fuck Paul Bettany. He's a piece of shit and I hope something comes out one day that will tank his career. If defending JD is the hill you want to die on, then so be it. Trigger warning for extremely graphic language and threats.

JD sent a text to Bettany in which he expressed that he wanted to burn Amber. Bettany replied (and this is paraphrasing but close enough):  "I'm not sure we should burn Amber. She is delightful company and pleasing on the eye. We could of course do the English course of action and perform a drowning test. Thoughts? You have a swimming pool." Why the FUCK would he say that? People who fantasize about murdering or harming someone are deeply disturbed people. Bettany is a piece of shit and I think he's unhinged and probably abusive. Normal, well-adjusted people don't say things like that. Johnny then said he would want to drown her, then burn her, and that he would fuck her burnt corpse to make sure she was dead. Again, this is not something that mentally stable, well-adjusted people say. Paul's response: ": "My thoughts entirely! Lets be CERTAIN before we pronounce her a witch." Fuck Paul Bettany, he's not even a good actor anyway. Fuck anyone who explains away or defends this behavior as "dark humor." It's NOT.

[a-dope-fiend]

just a reminder that i am very liberal with the block button, so don’t try to come in with hate messages, whines, or discourse of any kind

[irlpretear]

100 trans/genderqueer musicians

Bands

Against Me! (rock, folk punk) (x)

The Oozes (punk) (x)

The Hirs Collective (metal, grindcore) (x)

GEL (hardcore punk) (x)

Urn (hardcore punk) (x)

The Black Dresses (noise pop, hardcore hyperpop) (x)

Party Ghost (rock) (x)

Lagrimas (hardcore punk, scream punk) (x)

Doll Skin (rock) (x)

Dazey and the Scouts (rock, indie) (x)

G.L.O.S.S. (hardcore punk) (x)

Dog Park Dissidents (punk rock) (x)

She/Her/hers (rock) (x)

Deli Girls (hardcore electronic) (x)

Dream Nails (punk rock) (x)

Sarah and the Safe Word (rock, dark cabaret) (x)

Pinkie Promise (punk rock) (x)

B. Fraser (emo) (x)

Newgrounds Death Rugby (emo) (x)

Scowl (hardcore punk) (x)

Feminazgul (black metal) (x)

Sports Bra (dream pop, light rock) (x)

Club Sofa (indie pop) (x)

The Cost ov Living (grindcore, harsh noise) (x)

Kuromy (punk) (x)

The Sonder Bombs (indie, pop) (x)

Lidocaine (rock) (x)

I'm letting unseen forces take the wheel (cybergrind) (x)

Gum Disease (punk) (x)

Cam Girl (rock, trash rock) (x)

Gully Boys (grunge pop) (x)

Arcadia Grey (sparkle punk) (x)

Schmekel (folk punk) (x)

Destructo Disk (punk rock) (x)

User Unauthorized (hardcore punk) (x)

The Spook School (indie pop) (x)

Pinkshift (emo) (x)

Glass Beach (emo) (x)

Butch Baby (light rock) (x)

VIAL (indie punk) (x)

Sister Wife Sex Strike (folk punk) (x)

homewrecker. (metal, hardcore punk) (x)

Mega Mango (indie rock) (x)

Keep For Cheap (prarie rock) (x)

Steam Powered Giraffe (cabaret, steampunk) (x)

Thotcrime (grindcore, cybergrind) (x)

Whirlybird (indie pop) (x)

Kampsport (hardcore punk) (x)

Um Jennifer? (alt-rock, punk) (x)

Scarlet Demore (alt-rock) (x)

HappyHappy (folk, folk-punk) (x)

Queen Zee (punk) (x)

Grumpy Plum (slop pop) (x)

Cheap Perfume (punk) (x)

Pollyanna (power-pop, rock) (x)

Ballista (metalcore) (x)

Faetooth (fairy doom, metal) (x)

Lacerated (death metal) (x)

Fortuna Malvada (hardcore punk) (x)

Peach Rings (bedroom power-pop) (x)

Solo Artists

Laura Jane Grace (rock, folk punk) (x)

Left at London (pop) (x)

ZAND (pop, ugly pop) (x)

Ada Rook (hardcore electronic) (x)

Ms. White (pop) (x)

Rett Madison (indie, folk) (x)

Murder Person for Hire (folk) (x)

Backxwash (rap, industrial hip hop) (x)

LustSickPuppy (electronic, rap) (x)

Babylungs (electronic, rap) (x)

Human Kitten (folk punk) (x)

Harley Poe (folk punk) (x)

Ewy (emo, folk punk) (x)

Averstaskta (instrumental) (x)

Andie Schoen (indie) (x)

Elliot Lee (dark pop, electronic rock) (x)

Urias (hip hop, ballroom) (x)

Twink Obliterator* (cybergrind) (x)

Rio Romeo (cabaret punk, indie) (x)

Knife Girl (art pop, indie) (x)

Alexander James Adams (folk) (x)

Starmaxx (pop) (x)

Sofya Wang (pop, alt-R&B) (x)

Boy Jr (indie/alt pop) (x)

Medusa (revenge pop, hip-hop) (x)

Mal Blum (singer-songwriter, folk) (x)

Gina Young (riot grrrl) (x)

Petra Fiyd (indie pop) (x)

awfultune (bedroom pop) (x)

Quinn Hills (alternative pop) (x)

Femtanyl (electronic) (x)

Vivivivivi (electronic, glitchcore) (x)

Lilac Boy (glitchcore) (x)

Rosie Tucker (indie rock) (x)

Ryan Cassata (singer-songwriter) (x)

Pain Chain (noise, synth) (x)

In Love With A Ghost (electronic, lo-fi) (x)

Alice Longyu Gao (hyperpop) (x)

Prophetic Nightmares (ambient synthwave) (x)

Saint Wellesley (indie folk) (x)

[unnursvanablog]

The second to last episode of the newest season of queer eye has a woman who identifies as a biromantic demisexual and honestly hearing those words uttered out loud on a tv show and people treating it respectfully made my silly little heart sing and I teared up

[pokimoko]

I can't keep being fundamentally changed as a person by animated movies, it's just not sustainable.