#transmasc issues

[vaspider]

Oh, I finally found out what caused the phone call where a person from a radiology office told me that my insurance "wanted me to change my gender" because it was the wrong gender for me to be getting a uterine ultrasound.

Medicaid knows what the proper gender for me is (it's X. That's what's on my license) and doesn't want me to change it.

The actual problem is that the radiologist's office uses older medical software, and that electronic submission software doesn't have a setting for non-binary people. (In Oregon??? but apparently not.) So the error that it gave in the system is 'you have the wrong gender for this kind of procedure,' even though the actual error is 'our software literally cannot handle your legal information because it doesn't match the gender options in your state.'

I am really good at fighting with insurance companies. It's a fucking shitty thing to have to be good at, but after the past ten years of my life? I'm really good at fighting medical systems. I'm really good at advocating for myself. I'm really good at knowing my rights and knowing when someone is blowing smoke up my ass.

On top of that, I have a case manager who helped me untangle this.

But if I didn't have that? I'd have ended up either paying a bill that I shouldn't have had to pay, or just letting it go to collections and fuck up my credit.

And I shouldn't have to do this. I really shouldn't. I shouldn't have to spend hours patiently saying, "Asking me to change my information to something that is legally false in order to have a bill paid by insurance is the literal definition of insurance fraud, and I will not do it. How else can we get this fixed, in a way that doesn't require me to commit a crime or you to advise me to commit a crime?"

[manichewitz]

transphobes will constantly say shit like oh “trans men are so emotional and aggressive and unstable because of hormones” and yet i’m the crazy one for pointing out the misogyny of that statement. whats that about

[pringorr]

"trans women face way more sexual violence than TME trans people"

That's not true. Learn to shut the fuck up and educate yourself before speaking over us and downplaying our oppression.

.

.

"Non-binary participants who had been assigned female at birth were most likely to report sexual violence (66.1%) followed by trans men (54.2%) and non-binary people assigned male at birth (44.5%). Whilist trans women least commonly reported sexual violence (36.%)"

Most reliable data on this subject show the same trend.

[trans-androgyne]

Don’t let people convince you that talking about transandrophobia is a chronically online thing or whatever implying it doesn’t matter in the real world.

I just posted abt this but I cannot overstate how important the conversation around transandrophobia has been to me. It’s not just a word, but a framework & lens through which I have been able to analyze & understand my own experiences better. It’s helped me identify resource gaps for my community.

There was a support group for queer femmes but not for queer mascs at my university’s lgbtq+ resource center, meaning transmascs didn’t have a comparable place to go to for similar discussion about our experiences there — so I made one. (Huge, huge undertaking but it’s worth it.) My decision to start this was driven by the understanding that trans men & mascs do in fact experience an intersection of transphobia & misogyny in a different way from trans women & transfems! As well as what that intersection results in for us; we’ll mostly be talking about transmasc-specific experiences, of which I am now far more cognizant. I also plan to advocate for better access to menstrual supplies & disposal in men’s bathrooms on campus & more.

In any case, it’s because of transandrophobia bloggers that some local trans people have a support group they didn’t have before. It means something to my community & to me. I’m not ever going back to downplaying the effect my transmasculinity has on my (autistic, disabled, queer, poor, poc) life.

[sharkboywrites]

I don’t usually like talking about the terms “tma” and “tme”, but there’s something a lot of you guys are confused about that I want to clarify. Trans men who don’t like the terms or the community that comes with it aren’t “upset they have to face their transmisogyny”, we don’t like the community because of how openly hostile it is to trans men. I cannot talk about my issues as a trans man on certain social media platforms because someone will throw a fit over how I’m “transmisogyny exempt” and try to say my problems aren’t that bad, even when I’m getting death threats. I’ve had people who complain under the posts paying respects to lost trans men that “trans men don’t have it as bad as trans women, y’all need to check your privilege”, and you should automatically see what’s wrong with that mindset. I’ve gotten so many hurtful comments, with people openly saying they don’t care what happens to trans men, under the guise of “defending trans women”. And yes, sometimes some trans men are transmisoginists and suck, but you people treat it like it’s every single one of us, that all trans men are threats and therefore all of the death threats and harassment to innocent trans men are justified.

I don’t even know if I feel comfortable posting this because of the backlash we trans men get when we openly speak about our issues to you, and the fact that I don’t know if it’s safe to try and talk about how you people make me feel uncomfortable and not valued should speak volumes.

[fenhonig]

its absolutely astounding how people can say that transmascs are "silencing transfems" and "trying to be oppressed" without processing what they even just said. transmascs are genuinely oppressed and do not have the power to silence transfems. both groups are oppressed, and transmascs talking about the experiences we face is not silencing. you just want us to shut up.

[satansfavoritedyke]

I just need to dump this somewhere because some of you people have astounding brain rot, truly.

Transmisogyny and transandrophobia are not opposites, and not in competition with each other for the "worst/best form of transphobia" because they're equally dangerous for very different reasons. Transfems who want to completely deny the existence or validity of the violence, shunning, and routine suppression of transmasculine identities (transandrophobia) make no sense to me, same for transmascs who may be complicit in or even in some cases perpetuating transmisogyny.

It makes no sense because these are just ways to break down the individual experiences of violence and bigotry that we GENERALLY A L L face as trans people. It's genuinely lost on me how fighting between us and arguing about these things is productive at all. If you think transmascs have it easy in any way or somehow have privilege we can leverage to perpetuate patriarchal violence onto you, we literally can't, at least not at the social and societal level that cis men can. I won't explain the details to you of why, as a historical archive researcher boy could I, but I'll spare you the gruesome nature of it because you can probably already guess the nature of the identity suppression and violence we've faced through history (NOT LEAST OF WHICH BECAUSE IT'S VIRTUALLY IDENTICAL TO OTHER TRANS VIOLENCE, JUST LESS DISCUSSED)

So yeah, I'm not trying to start shit I'm just so egregiously irritated that I approached a transfem with staunch "transandrophobia doesn't exist" beliefs with a "please learn about this because I care about you and trans people" and she's decided that only trans women experience transphobia and that transmascs are partial perpetuators of that bigotry. STOP. All of you stop now. I'm sick of it.

[cyberatioum]

« if you build a theory of transmasc oppression that doesn't regard anti-transmasculinity as secondary to transmisogyny and claims that it's just as serious and important as transmisogyny, then you're supporting transmisogyny»

It's always like this. Either our oppression is denied or when it's recognized, it's considered as less important than transmisogyny.

The idea of ''transmisogyny as the fulcrum of anti-tmasculinity/patriarchy" serves to dowplay the severity of transmasc oppression (and other patriarchal oppression) mislead its roots and to subordinate our voices us in idpol, feminist/queer discouse. It's harmful reductionism. I'm sick of this behavior.

Transmasc and transfem oppression are equally important. Our oppressions should not be hierarchized. Believing this is not transmisogyny.

[screamingtransman]

shoutout to that one absolutely braindead trans guy on here who sees ANY post about transmasc struggles and immediately pops in like ‘but what about transfems. why havent you centred transfems in this post about transmascs’

bonus points for immediately twisting everyone’s words into somehow being transmisogynistic. and then bringing up the fact that he passes as cis as some kind of ‘gotcha’ and proof that All Trans Men Have Male Privilege

i saw this dude say ‘trans men are men right? so we must have male privilege. do you think we are not men?’ and refused to believe that male privilege is not magically gifted to every trans man ever and that we have to actually Pass As Cis to gain access to CONDITIONAL male privilege

also! even more bonus points for managing to somehow twist every single person’s words until he thinks they’re saying that transmisogyny doesn’t exist. that is some crazy mental gymnastics that this guy does and it’s insane

he talks big shit on other transmascs and makes them all out to be the bad guy in some misguided attempt to help transfems. even though constantly shutting down transmasc discussions on our issues does not help transfems at all.

shoutout to That Guy for having being rude to other trans guys as his only hobby. i hope he replies to me so i can write a nice long essay on why he is being unhelpful and cruel because i am so tired of him being an asshole to every transmasc on this site who Dares to speak about our oppression

if anyone on here has been a victim of rittz/fite-club responding to their post with the most deranged bad faith takes possible then i am offering you my condolences

[vaspider]

Feisty Lady Anger and other things about me you hate

My mother prizes her anger, for all that she doesn't express it openly. I tell stories about her spiteful, steel-spined responses to people who told her, "You can't do that," and I point to them as Why I Am How I Am. Her father told her he wouldn't pay for her college because "women only go to earn the MRS degree," and she could "get married and have babies" without college. In response, Mom got her bachelor's in Mathematics in 1970 on her own dime, back in the days when in-state students didn't pay tuition at state schools (just another thing Reagan ruined). She worked and paid for her books and housing, got her degree, paid for her own wedding because he wouldn't do that either. Taught school, got her Master's, had three kids, started her Ph.D. with 3 under 6 and became a professor when the youngest was 5.

Tell me I can't, my mom told the world, and I'll show you that I can. I won't just do it, I'll become a department head and a Distinguished Professor and retire after 30 years of teaching other math teachers with a list of achievements as long as my arm.

There is an anger that runs deep in the women in my family. Tell me I can't, and I'll show you I can. Show me injustice and I'll tear at it with my teeth and hands, staring you down while I do. Backwards and in heels.

I can't tell you the moment I crossed out of Feisty Lady Anger in the eyes of the people close to me, but I can tell you the moment I noticed. Maybe it was when my voice started dropping or the growing muscles on my shoulders pulled my stance more square and upright. Maybe it was when I moved from they/them to he/they, and somehow I stepped from Diet Woman to Too Close To Man in their eyes.

It's a funny thing when all of a sudden your anger becomes real enough to be startling to people. Your anger is no longer feisty, charming, and attractive. This thing that people liked about you, that people who say they love you said they loved about you, suddenly becomes frightening, upsetting, and terrible. The way you didn't let people mow over you and fought back used to be a thing that people admired. It was actively attractive. It was one of your best qualities.

Now? It's ugly. It's disgusting. It's scary. The thing you were is gone, and now your anger is real to them.

It's in that moment that the blade cuts back towards you. You realize the reason your squared shoulders and set jaw drew people in couldn't be squared with the stubble on that jaw or the newfound strength in your arms. Feisty Lady Anger isn't real, not in the way a man's anger is real. Feisty Lady Anger is admirable, sure, but it is admirable because of its essential ineffectual nature. At most, Feisty Lady Anger fixes minor problems for the kids at school, gets the principal to back down from scolding your child when she politely asks the kid calling her a faggot on the bus if he knows what that really means, pushes a woman to achieve for her family, in appropriately neutered ways.

When you stop pretending to be a woman and become who you really are, when your anger becomes real, you realize both that the thing about you that people loved is gone and that this thing was attractive in the first place because of its ineffectiveness. Your anger wasn't scary because it wasn't real enough to be threatening.

Now you have Man Anger, and, you're told, you should apologize for that. It doesn't matter if it's the same anger you've always had, or that you're angry about the same things. It comes now in baritone, with belly hair and bellowing, and now it's both real and disgusting.

The worst part is watching it come from people you thought should know better, the people who should understand. You spent nearly 40 years being told to sit down and shut up because the men in your professional career were speaking, assured that if you just waited your turn, you'd be given a place to speak eventually, and now here you are being told within a community that claims to love and understand you, by people that claim to be in community with you and love who you are, that you actually don't have any real problems to speak about, also your Man Anger and Man Privilege (when do I get that, please?) are Scary and mean you should sit down and wait, and you'll be given a place to speak eventually.

It is the Transmasculine Catch-22: if you become Man Enough to no longer fit into Almost Lady, your anger becomes Real, which makes you realize that your anger wasn't Real before, but because it's Real now, you're not allowed to have it. And by the way, you're not allowed to be neither Man or Lady - now you're Man Enough, and that makes it all the more clear how you were simply Kirkland Signature Lady right up until the point you weren't.

There will be a few people who Fucking Get It, who don't see you as either a Failed Lady or a Broken Man, and you'll love those people all the more for their rarity. It won't take the sting out of realizing that the things people you love loved about you before now disgust and repel them, but it'll make it enough to keep going.

You couldn't stop, anyway. You've never felt more yourself, and the people who don't love you, the actual you, the real you... the loss of that hurts, but not nearly as much as the idea of pretending to be something else did.

[build-a-boyf]

Can I talk about the lack of love that I've found in queer spaces since transitioning masculinely without y'all being weird about it? I feel like most transmascs know what I mean. It's like before you transitioned, you could find a lover in a snap if you barely tried, but now that you're looking more masculine, it's been over a year of being single and your mental health is better and suddenly you can't find anyone who wants to go out with you even when you're genuinely trying as hard as you can without being forceful.

[southeast-northwest]

i know that T can make you make more blood than you need and increase risks of stroke (i have chronically VERY low iron and yet my hemoglobin level is on the high end of normal). and also I know that usually the treatment is regular blood donations. my doctor told me this.

but?? my question is. can I??? donate blood??

for the purposes of blood donations, do I count as a man. because I have sex with men. and that would disqualify me.

unless I don't count as a man. which would kinda track but also?? idk. afab people can and do get hiv, lacking a dick doesn't make me immune or anything.

any advice appreciated

[the-transgenda-agenda]

Bottom growth is a scam. If it's big enough to aim, then why can't I piss out of it?

In all seriousness though, I love my cock.

[sharkboywrites]

I just saw someone call queer men (mostly aimed at trans men) “gamergaters with a queer coat of paint” and you know what, that’s absolutely disgusting. Fuck you. Trans men are not your fucking oppressors not are we any less queer than you. We suffer so much. We’re killed, people demand to have are resources taken away, demanded to be removed from our parents if they’re supportive, and actively targeted by the same people who oppress you. TRANS MEN ARE NOT YOUR FUCKING ENEMY. We’re not fucking mysoginists because we talk about our experiences and want to be acknowledged. We’re not taking anything from you. Any m-spec queer person isn’t a fucking threat to you they’re your ally and if you take us talking about our issues as “mysoginist” you seriously need to get fucking help

[weirdosebby]

"I got a boyfriend!" - trans man

"oh awesome!" - me

"Only thing is, he says he is straight, so it's kinda weir-"

"DUMP. HIS. LOSER. ASS. neeoooooioooww!! >:(("

[weeklymechanismsquotes]

Unwillingly my lifeblood is poured

Occasion: when transmascs have their periods

Source: Sleeping Beauty, 1:19

Thanks to anon for the suggestion!