#i will not get home until 11pm jesus fuck.

[ravs6709]

Almost had a breakdown in the subway 🩵

[storiesofsvu]

Jesus fucking christ.

We had TEN people at the bar tonight. TEN. And then a group from the theatre came over at like, 11pm, pianos stopped at 12, and THEY JUST WOULD NOT LEAVE. We had our entire cashouts done and printed and sealed, the bar torn completely down and a guy STILL tried to order a drink from me?!?!

Anyways. I’m FINALLY fucking home and it’s 2 am, but it’s “Thursday” so y’all know what that means!!!

Law & order (svu, oc/mothership maybe) spoilers under the cut!

Domestic snuggles.. imma miss this shit

Also why do people never plug their phones in overnight on tv!?

Grace that is a NICE coat, she looks great.

Noah being 12… someone remind me to do math on this later.

“I’ve been on 500 bumble dates, how different could these questions be?”

OKKKKAY now I understand more why Velasco was in the wedding shots, cause I lowkey thought it was weird he was there for the ceremony.

Nice plaid muncy… #bivibes

Jessie an billie have pink drinks (I assume Shirley temples) and it looks like Velasco just handed noah champagne… like I know it’s probs gingerale or apple juice but like… BRUH. It looked like Velasco was so distracted he just handed alcohol off without realizing it was a kid lololol

Is it REALLY that big of a surprise that johnny d has other kid out there? Also how long is it until noah asks about his dad? Like what has liv told him?

Noah knows he’s adopted, he knows his mom is dead and that he can’t see gramma Sheila anymore, he only has liv and she works so much that she definitely should let them meet.

OH okay so he knows his dad was a criminal… noted… noted….

liv…baby…. I know you’re concerned about him being johnny d’s kid, but like, so is noah… also bebe remember the time you left your kid with his “friends” and they locked him in a dog cage? Pls. let him play playstation.

Okay staying the night is a little much. Like first watching them look like a full happy family, but also FLASHBACKS TO SHIELA STEALING HIM.

FUCK Velasco in a suit… I forgot how good that looks.

“EMOTIONAL SUPPORT ANIMAL” OH MY GOD GRACE lololololol

Jfc. These rollins and liv grilling this guy in the hotel room?! Getting all super close power lady?! FUCK ME.

STOP IT YOU TWO!!!  THIS IS FUCKING TOO MUCH. THEY’RE BOTH TOO FUCKING HOT. IVE MISSED AMANDA FLIRTING WITH PERPS, I’VE MISSED THE TWO OF THEM FLIRTING TOGETHER UNDERCOVER FUCK. Imma miss this.

Grace m’am, you are on the stand, homegirl do up one more button pls.

Oh muncy…. You sweet summer child. I LOVE you but I hope sonny tears a STRIP off you because you deserve it. Like all im picturing rn is barba/alex/casey basically murdering you.

“on a scale of 1-10?”  “I’d say Vladmir putin.” FUCK FIN lololol

“remember I used to joke about you two in a hotel room? And now here *we* are” THAT’S GAY LADIES.

“You were a different person, you would’t let me in.” EXCUSE ME OLIVIA?!?! YOU WERE THE ONE WHO WAS A GIANT CUNT IN S13!! YOU were the one who kept brushing off amanda whenever she tried to talk to you or learn anything for like a year!

GOD this scene mustve been so fucking hard to film for these two….

Okay…. Okay… I said this to the discord earlier this week as I got to s8. Muncy does have some Dani Beck vibes…and her on the stand just enforces that. (minus the fact that I love grace and HATE dani)

Carisi saying “my wife” while looking all lovey dovey eyes. FUCK.

GOOD GOD. Im fucking bawling over the actual good bye scene. Fuck me. (also was that walk past then pull back into a hug a call back? Or is that just me?)

Okay. I am VERY glad honestly that Muncy was both not at the wedding and didn’t get a hug at the end (despite a random uni getting one). Not only have they only known each other 9 eps, it just wouldn’t be fucking fair to Kelli. I get it, Molly might not have known she was a replacement when she auditioned/got the job BUT, it just would’ve been a kick in the face to Kelli. Still and always love them both. But… yeah… it’s like when you have to train your own replacement right before getting fired kinda thing? Not cool. So im glad they were able to do that..

 Okay. Onto mothership… lets see how much I have to say lol.

Mechad is a fucking snack. Why must I be attracted to at least two people on every one of these shows? Three hours of tv after getting off work this late is TOO MUCH AND I still have a new criminal minds to watch. Fuck.

 Fuck…. That escalated quickly…. I mean….expected but…

Oh jesus christ…tonight really is about cops fucking up.

This is heartbreaking. The poor suspect is now gonna get extra charges because they were wrongfully arrested/sent to rikers. Fucking ouch. Why l&o gotta be like this tonight…

Okay… my stream cut out for the second time and fucked up and we ALL know Im not invested enough to care.

OC time here we go.

This purple looks great on bell!

Okay, new guy, cant remember his name rn, but him not only getting everyone gifts but having them wrapped that nicely? What do we think? Did he have the store do that or does he do it himself? The “I’ve always been that guy” makes me think he did it himself.

“merry Christmas everyone” jet’s way of saying “welp, mom and dad are fighting on xmas..”

Okay just kidding this stream died on me too… so…imma call it here, have my svu thoughts and some other tiny ramblings for tonight byyeee

[atlafan]

almost every single night between 11PM and 1AM my upstairs neighbor has a visitor, and in general I don’t think this man knows that sound travels because he walks like he’s stomping all the fucking time! Anyways, my bedroom shares a wall with the stairs he uses to go up and down, in and out of his apartment. He always slams his own door shut, stomps his way down the stairs, and then very loudly leaves through the front door. Which I can hear because my bedroom is at the front of the house. So then his visitor comes, I can hear them fucking because I think his room is above mine. And then the visitor leaves after. So I can’t tell if he just hooks up with a ton of different people or if he doesn’t let this girl spend the night or if she doesn’t like spending the night. Either way, I can hear them going up and down the stairs, in and out of the house. And then my upstairs neighbor obviously has to get ready for bed afterwards. So I can hear him stomping around as he does that. I started almost yelling last night, very loudly saying, “dude come on!”

his daughter comes to stay with him every other weekend and when I tell you she runs around like she’s wearing fucking tap shoes! Last weekend she started running around at like 8am and I got up and screamed and started stomping around. I heard him yell at her to stop running. I’ve always woken up to the sound of his alarm buzzing several times. And every time he comes home, his car is blasting music and he sits in his car for like 20 minutes before going inside. We share the garbage barrels and he NEVER brings them out front anymore, I always end up having to do it. So now I’m just getting aggravated with every little thing he does.

I know it could be ten times worse. I’ve had worse upstairs neighbors. But it’s awful when I can’t get sleep before his late night actions. Luckily this morning I was conked out so I didn’t hear him leave the house like I usually do at like 6 in the morning.

I’m very quiet for the most part. Henry rarely barks, so he’s not the cause of any noise. I am very conscious of the nose that I make. But when this dude is stomping around at all hours, I slam things and bang things because I get pissed!

I have no idea how this guy is getting bitches. I’ve seen him. Idk how he’s getting people to fuck him I really don’t. And I will be shallow and mean about it because I just don’t see the appeal at all.

And the stuff with his daughter…like I know it can’t be easy having like a 4 year old every other weekend, but Jesus fucking Christ, if I EVER stomped or ran around the house like that, my father would immediately start screaming to tell me to stop. We didn’t even wear shoes in the house. We weren’t allowed! When I tell you I walk as light as a feather because I also grew up with my bedroom in the attic so every room below me could hear my sister and I walking around. We tiptoed to not disturb anyone else. I hate to be like the “these kids today” or “these parents today” person, but holy fucking shit teach your kids not to run around the house, especially with shoes on when you KNOW someone is right below you. AND sometimes she’s up past 9, sometimes 10PM running around. PUT YOUR KID TO BED! A kid that young should be in bed by at least 8! Like what the fuck are you doing?????

Anyways, I didn’t fall asleep until after 1am last night and I’m cranky

[xpeachesncream]

lowkey (jjk) | 02.

⦿ boo’d up in the daytime

⦿ mackin’ & hangin’ in the nighttime

↳ series masterlist

summary: in order to pass organic chemistry and pay off your car damages from an accident, all you have to do is help the nerd, jeon jungkook, with a few things: pretend to be his girlfriend and teach him the ways of dating.

pairing: popular!reader x nerd!jjk

genre: college au, fake dating au, friends (with benefits?) to lovers au | fluff, angst, smut

words: 3.2k

warnings: cussing, implied sexual content/mature language, kissy-kissy koo, mentions of a boner, mention of sex and cum, seokjin’s still toxic

note: posting this chapter a little early since it’s butter weekend, plus the last part of liquid courage should be up sat/sun. still sticking to my schedule in my faq though, srry loves! i’ll do my best to update as soon as i can. 💗

tags: @taegularities​ @jimidol​ @miinoongi​ @bluesharksandfish​ @ggukkieland​ @unicornbabylover​ @thebeebi​ @preciouschimine​ @ladyartemesia​ @moonchild1​ @jikookiekosmos​ @marcoazz2​ @kootaes​ @wearenot7withu​ @codeinebelle​ @bigbootyjoonie​ @thisartemisnevermisses​ @maichiverse​ @ppeachyttae​ @fairysunooo​ @secretlycrazyhummingbird​ @yukiehyukie​

"I heard you were in an accident last night, babe. Are you okay? I'm so sorry I got mad at you yesterday." Seokjin comes towards you, cupping your face to look at every inch, every detail. You move away from his hold, backing up to give yourself some space.

"Seokjin, I told you to stop calling me that. Jesus. I'm fine. Don't need you to check up on me."

"Are you really gonna keep that up? I said I was sorry."

"Okay, and? I heard you."

"Really, that's it? Y/N, why are you being like this? What's the real reason?" He follows after you as you make your way to the library. To say Seokjin was persistent is an understatement— he was persistent for the wrong reasons. Like, keeping you close so he had you to fall on when things went wrong with another chick, his safety net.

"Because this is done, I don't know how many times I have to tell you. I'm tired of you doing this so, please. Just go." You slightly turn towards him as you climb up the stairs.

"I wanna work this out with you. Don't push me away. Let me help." You don't respond. He watches as you adjust your bag strap and wave at Jungkook. Seokjin chuckles and grabs your wrist gently, making Jungkook suddenly hop on defense as he balls his fists. Like he could do shit. Seokjin would probably wreck his ass with those broad shoulders.

Still. He hated how much of an asshole he was to you.

"Wait, what the fuck?" Seokjin laughs his rare, deep laugh that he uses when he's caught off guard. "You're hanging out with nerds, now?"

"And if I was, that would be none of your business." You snatch your arm away while glaring at him. You shake your head and continue walking towards Jungkook, relieved Seokjin finally left you alone today. Probably off to tell Namjoon, Yoongi and his friends how much of a bitch you've been and that you actually left him to hang out with a nerd.

Sunmi knows you're being tutored. However if that wasn't the case, she would question you, but she never take their side on shit. She remained loyal to you, and always supported you through whatever. That's why she's remained your bestfriend until this day. The senior chicks Seokjin and them hung around with though? Questionable. As long as Sunmi was by your side and you by hers, you both didn't care much for getting close to them.

"Hey, sorry you had to see that." You say as you sigh and set your bag down alongside of you on the long table.

"It's alright." Jungkook replies softly. "Are you okay?"

"Yes. Thanks." You give him a tiny, tightlipped smile. "So, should we get right into tutoring, or should we talk about the details of our deal? I have all afternoon." Luckily, it was quite loud in the loud section of the library. No one cared much to listen in to your secret deal with Jungkook, nor did anyone care because it was Jungkook.

"I do too. I guess, whatever works for you?"

"Let's get this tutoring over with first then iron out the rest." He nods.

"Sure." He pulls out his notebook. "Tell me, what are you struggling with?"

"Everything." He does a small head tilt.

"I doubt that. I'm sure you understand some things."

"No, you don't understand Jungkook. I'm legit drowning. I don't know what I'm doing wrong or where I'm lacking." Jungkook simply looks at you, lips pressed together before he nods. You're not lacking anywhere, he thinks. You're really not. The subject is just shitty and the spawn of the devil.

"That's okay. Well, can I go over some basics? Throw in some tips?"

"Yes, please. Lead the way. I need you." You chuckled, but it makes the heat rush to his cheeks. He hopes you don't catch the rosy tint creeping up on them, so he instantly grabs at the whiteboard near your table and starts to go over the very beginning, the very basics of this semester's OChem class. Maybe a bit from last semester, but last semester wasn't entirely that bad compared to this one.

He didn't expect you to be all that engaged for some reason, but he should have known you'd ask questions left and right, taking the black whiteboard marker from his hand to practice what you've learned with him watching and guiding you from your side. You were always focused, always so determined. You were incredibly smart. Incredibly beautiful.

Honestly, Jungkook go on for days.

The both of you hadn't realized it was nearing close to 5PM and neither of you had really eaten much since lunch. You sit, feeling pretty good about your first session with Jungkook. You feel a little bad having kept him for so long over OChem, realizing you still had things to iron out with him.

[sunmi] 4:34pm: hey babe, not gonna be leaving for a bit. i forgot i had to work on this psych project with jennie. you okay with leaving around 6/7?

"Crap."

"What's the matter?" Jungkook glances at you as you continue to stare at your phone and scroll away.

"Sunmi isn't leaving until later. I'll probably be stuck here for a little longer after you leave." You put your phone down, now resting your chin against your palm, nails slightly digging into your cheek.

"I-I can give you a ride, if you'd like? Plus, we still need to talk.. about stuff." He shyly says.

"Jungkook, that's too much to ask for."

"It's really not a big deal. How far do you live from campus?"

"Maybe a 10 minute drive, the next exit off the freeway." He shrugs.

"I'm going in that direction too."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive. We can just talk on the way home."

"Would you be willing to stop by for dinner? We can talk then. Maybe it can be considered our 'first date.'" You joke with a small giggle.

"Oh, sure. Yeah." He gives off a tiny, nervous laugh. "Where did you have in mind?"

"Can we get.. hm—" You hum. "Fire Wings? Down the street?" He almost feels intoxicated watching how your eyes gleam under the light, how they brighten and widen when you mention food. You were cute, and you didn't even know it.

"Only if you tell me what flavors you get." He tries to get smart, which makes you laugh. He made you laugh.

"Is this judgment day? Gonna see if you should call quits on our deal before it even starts?"

"Maybe." He goes along with it.

"Okay. Garlic Parmesan and Dragon." You pack up your things before shooting him a look.

"Okay, solid flavors." He nods. "I guess we can continue on."

"You're funny." You giggle as you both throw your bags onto your backs. You stay in your position until Jungkook comes to your side so you can walk by him. You don't know much about him, but he has a soft demeanor and he makes you feel comfortable. You had only seen him a couple of times across campus, not really noticing him much in class either. You feel a little bad knowing you didn't even try being that he sat behind you, but better late than never I guess? Maybe there was a reason for all of this happening. The way he tutored you today was insane, too— he was super smart, but broke it down perfectly, was patient. He was patient.

No wonder Dr. K loved his ass.

"What about you?" You picked up the conversation.

"I usually go for a dry rub and Garlic Parmesan."

"I haven't tried any dry rubs."

"You can try one of mine later."

"Okay." You suddenly remember to shoot Sunmi a text before she comes looking for you everywhere on campus. Jungkook stays silent beside you, allowing you to do your thing without being too overbearing or nosy.

But, he honestly can't help but glance a few times.

[y/n] 5:11pm: sorry just saw this, hitching a ride with my tutor. don't worry about me! ty ily, have fun working on your project.

[sunmi] 5:13pm: tutor, as in jeon jungkook?

[y/n] 5:15pm: yeah, he offered.

[sunmi] 5:16pm: okay, that was nice of him. if he tries anything tho i'll beat his ass. text me when u get home?

[y/n] 5:17pm: don't worry about him, he won't lol i will.

[sunmi] 5:18pm: kk love u b

"Sorry." You say, tucking your phone into your pocket. "Had to text Sunmi."

"That's okay. You two are really close, right?"

"Yeah, since high school."

"Cool." At this point, Jimin, Taehyung and Hoseok are coming out of the café at the same you two are passing.

"What about you, where are your friends?"

"Um." He sighs, trying to avoid his friends obnoxiously waving and calling him from the distance. You glance over from behind his figure, chuckling a little bit. "That's them."

"Cute. You all are really close, too?"

"Ya, I've known Jimin the longest though." You smile and wave at them, causing them to gasp and whisper amongst each other with huge smiles on their faces.

"I'll need to meet them if we're gonna do this thing for real. Do they know?"

"Yeah kinda."

"That's okay. We should probably work on keeping it between us though." He nods.

"Okay, but. Can we save meeting them for later? They're a bit.. much." You smile.

"Sure."

"D-do I have to meet Sunmi?" You nod.

"If you wanna make this believable, yeah."

"She's kinda scary."

"Jungkook, she's not gonna bite your head off. She just has that look, but I promise she's sweet." That look, that resting bitch face. Really, you could be biased because it's Sunmi. She really only had issues if she felt disrespected. Other than that, she meant well. Same with you— you've been accused of being intimidating and having the same look but you don't mean any harm by it.

"Okay." Jungkook unlocks his black 2016 Honda Civic and pops his bag in the trunk. You do the same, while Jungkook goes to open the passenger door for you.

"Thanks." You smile sweetly at him. He climbs into his seat, hitting the button to start the car and sighs. The music in the background starts to play, and it sounds mellow, soothing— like it came straight out of a fairytale. His eyes widen as he rushes to lower the volume before shyly looking at you.

"Sorry."

"What, no. Don't be. What is this?"

"A Final Fantasy lofi mix." He begins to drive off as you turn the volume back up.

"It's nice. Pretty relaxing."

"Ya, it's nice to listen to after a long day." He pushes his glasses up at the light.

"Do you have family here?" He nods.

"I do. My mom and dad live about an hour away. I'm the only child. What about you?"

"Same. They're probably 30 minutes up north."

"Do you live alone?"

"Yeah, I live in a studio. It's actually my coworker's. She bought the space to rent it out. She lets me rent it for pretty cheap though."

"That's nice."

"You?"

"I live with Jimin. Our parents are close."

"What about your other friends?"

"Hoseok is dorming, and Taehyung would rather live back home with his family and commute. He's close to them. He'll crash at ours or Hoseok's from time to time."

"Are you close to your family?" He nods as he turns into the plaza lot.

"I suppose, yes. I'm just really quiet overall, so they think it's hard to read me sometimes." He parks and you watch as he shuts the car off with the same button. "You?"

"Yeah, I'm really close to my mom. Dad, a little questionable."

"Why, if I may ask?" He comes to open your door again, causing you to give him a small smile.

"He, um. Just got into some stuff." He watches as your body tenses while you fiddle with your fingers waiting in line.

"It's okay, don't think about it. I won't ask again."

"It's okay, Jungkook. Really. Maybe another time?" You look up at him and he nods. He stands way taller than you, almost at Seokjin's height, if not the same. He likes to wear baggy, dark clothing and doesn't do much to fix or style his hair.

He's simple, but in a good way.

You both order your food with Jungkook going first so he can grab a table afterwards. Before he could pay though, you offer to cover him for dinner as your way of thanking him for driving you home. You make your way over to the table he snags, Jungkook silently sitting at the high table with his legs pressed together and his hands clasped tightly on his lap.

"You okay?"

"Ya, why?"

"You look tense."

"Sorry. It's not everyday I have dinner with Y/N." You smile.

"Stop, relax." You watch as he slightly eases up. "So, this deal." He nods. "A month?"

"Yeah, I suppose."

"We have to convince people it's real or else people will know something weird is going on." You look at his hand, now resting on the table. "You're gonna have to hold my hand and kiss me, you know?" He swallows the lump in his throat. Shit, he thinks. Don't know if I can actually pull this off?

A kiss?! Fuck.

"Y-yeah."

"When was your last relationship, Jungkook?"

"8th grade." Your eyes widen.

"O-oh, now I see."

"What's that supposed to mean? It's terrible, I know but I—"

"No, no, no. You're good. It's totally okay, it doesn't matter. I'll just have to teach you to make it look realistic and not.. awkward." You perk up again. "Not saying that you are though, okay."

"I know."

"So, are you.."

"Am I..?" He cocks hid head to the side in confusion.

"Like.."

"Just ask Y/N."

"Are you a virgin?"

"I don't know." You furrow your brows.

"Huh?"

"Look, this is gonna sound really embarrassing and I don't know if I'm even ready to tell my fake girlfriend about it."

"Just say it. We have to know things about each other." He sighs.

"I— ugh." He groans. "I did it with my girlfriend at the time. Or I guess my ex because we had broken up and this was sometime during freshmen year in high school and she came onto me out of nowhere at a mutual friend's pool party. But it was weird because we were just hormonal kids and I was just curious so I slipped myself into her only to slip back out right after because—" He's rambling, but you're doing your best to keep up.

"Because?"

"I-I, ugh. Y/N." He shuts his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose. "Are you really gonna make me say it?"

"Jungkook." You lean a bit to try and catch eye contact.

"I came right away." He says just as the worker puts down your food and takes the number from your table.

"Ohhhhhhh." You say as you nod slowly. "Okay."

"You can just run now." His head hangs low as he slowly slides his chicken over in front of him, causing you to chuckle.

"I'm not going anywhere. It's okay. Stop that."

"It's pathetic."

"No. Besides, I know you'll get better overall, and you'll find someone who will rock with you till the end. We'll work on this."

"Thanks." He says, feeling comfortable around you. You were quick to reassure him and smile at him, he felt himself melting in his seat. Yeah, you were too good for Seokjin.

"You'll have to come to parties with me. Club events. Events in general. It won't look right if I'm always going without you."

"Okay. Can I bring my friends?"

"Sure." He nods. "What do you do in your free time?"

"Play video games and listen to music. Read comics, manga. Build lego sets with the guys."

"Cute." You smile.

"You?"

"Hang out with Sunmi, or just watch movies on my own at my place. Read. Eat by myself. Explore by myself. I value my alone time."

"It's nice." Jungkook's familiar with it. Even if he had his friends around, he truly liked being in his own peace when allowed. "What about outside of the public eye?"

"Hm?" You hum.

"Do we hang out?"

"Yeah we can." You nod.

"Cool." He smiles.

"Is my car gonna be a lot of work for you?"

"Don't worry about it, it'll be good soon. Just might take a bit cause I need some parts to make it look brand new again."

"I really can't thank you enough." He shrugs.

"Only trying to help my girlfriend out." He boldly says, causing you to laugh.

"Confidence is peeking through already, are you sure you need me?" You joke. The rest of the evening, you continue to talk to Jungkook about pretty surface level shit— what you like, dislike, overall experience in high school and college so far. It was a nice, harmless conversation, one where you were starting to see how warmhearted Jungkook really was. How real and laid back.

None of the shit in Seokjin's group. It was refreshing, a breath of fresh air.

Once dinner had finally finished, Jungkook was on his way to drop you off. He had parked in an empty guest spot, offering to walk you up just to be sure. At the door, he took a peek at how clean your studio was, mainly soft colors of white and cream taking over, with plants scattered around your living room area. The hallway in was sandwiched between your kitchen area and another wall, Jungkook assuming your bed was on the opposite side of it. He awkwardly stands at the door, afraid of overstepping.

"Well, goodnight Y/N. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Hey, wait." You smile and come close to him. He swallows, his mouth suddenly feeling dry when he feels your breasts press against his chest. "First lesson— give me a kiss."

"Right now?"

"Jeon Jungkook, we're doing this tomorrow. People are gonna have to see this at least once while we're together." He nods and presses a quick kiss against your cheek. "Not bad, but a little longer?" He complies and presses another kiss, leaving his pillowy lips against your cheek for a little longer before pulling away. "Perfect. Now here." You point at your lips before crossing your arms.

"Y/N, I—"

"Don't be afraid, just do it. I won't kick you in the balls or anything."

"It's not that. I just don't think I'm a great at this stuff."

"Okay." You tippytoe and gently grab his jaw while you lean towards his face. "Just relax, okay? Don't think too much of it." He stays silent, doe eyes constantly on you as you continue to inch forward.

Sparks. Just sparks everywhere for Jungkook.

He feels your soft lips against his and he relaxes, moreso because he feels like he's lost all senses being this close to you. Taking in your scent. Kissing you.

"There." He stands still, still trying to process the kiss. "Not bad. We'll get better over time, but at least that looks believable. Just—" You put his hands down as they were about to fall onto your hips during the kiss, but they fell short. "Let it happen and hold me, okay?" You smile. "Night Jungkook."

"N-night." He stutters as he watches you close the door. "Fuck." He whispers to himself when he realizes he's now sporting a boner. "Jungkook, what the fuck is this?!" He continues to whisper to himself as he waddles down your hallway.

[phoenixblack89]

Secret Crushes III: Cinemas, Love Notes & Cuddling

Hallo again my lovelies!

Here's part three for ya.

Part 1 Part 2

Tags: @fandomsaremykryponite @autocon23 @lilythemadqueen @writingdeadangel @boondoctorwho @darylsgirl @browneyes528

You were stressed out and panicking. 

After your sister's outburst the other day in the woods, Murphy had been avoiding you somewhat. It seemed her threat had made him back off. It rattled you to the core that maybe she was right. Maybe Murphy was an asshole. 

You sighed and flopped down on your bed and groaned. 

The weekend was dragging like crazy, as had the week at school watching her and Connor suck face while you'd glance  towards Murphy hoping to catch his eye but he was always looking away.  

You felt so alone.  

Like you'd made the biggest mistake of your life by giving the darker haired twin something so special, your virginity, allowing him to use his mouth on you like that... But he had said such sweet things... Made you believe him when he called you beautiful.... 

"Y/N!" 

Your father's loud and slightly angry voice called from the hall. You groaned again and padded out of your room and leaned over the bannister rail. Your eyes took in the form of your dad's broad and tense shoulders and raised an eyebrow in curiosity.  Your sister was hugging your father happily, which was odd, considering she'd been in a foul mood since they had returned and grounded her for the month following last week's party. 

"Y/N! Get ye butt down 'ere now!" Your dad's Irish accent thick with annoyance. You sighed and walked down the stairs slowly, eyes widening as you took in the sight before you. 

Smirking brightly, the elder MacManus twin nudged his brother, glancing you up and down. An act your father and sister thankfully missed. You flushed, realising you had yet to change out of your pajamas - a pair of short, bright green shorts and a tight spaghetti strapped top that left little to the imagination. 

Your father sighed at you as your eyes flickered to Murphy, whose eyes were focused on your chest as you folded your arms. You blushed under his glare and turned to your father. 

"Go get dressed." He growled. 

"Why daddy?" 

"This gentleman wants t' take ye sister t' the cinemas" He gestured towards Connor, "however, as she is still grounded fer dat ridiculous party," your sister lowered her head in mock shame, barely able to hide her smirk. "You are going t' go wit' her. You will stick t' yer sister like glue. Yer both must be together when yer come home."

"Oh..." you reply, feeling eyes run over you once more. You glanced at Murphy, but his eyes were firmly fixed on his shoes, your head turned slightly to Connor, who licked his lips as his eyes ran down you. "Erm... I... I.... I better get dressed then."

"Go. I need t' talk t' these boys and set some firm ground rules." Your dad all but growled, which made Connor and Murphy flinch. 

You ran to your room, your sister quickly following and closing your door quietly behind you. You sighed and grabbed some clothes out of your closet, which your sister threw to the floor. 

"I need you to distract Murphy tonight." She whispered, pulling clothes out your closet and pushing them into your arms. 

"Sara... Thought you said he wasn't good enough for me and has to keep his hands off your baby sister? Huh?" Your replied, your voice muffled as you dressed. 

"Look... I'm sorry. I was kinda jealous... And it is my job as big sister to try and protect you. I'm sorry." She wrapped her arms around you and rested her head against yours softly. "Besides.... I do owe you one. For not squealing on me about the whole barn thing."

"Get off me woman! Fine... I'll try. Though I doubt it'll do any good.... He took ya warning pretty seriously." You sighed, as your sister slumped more of her weight into you. You shove her off and start putting a little make up on. Just enough to highlight y/e/c eyes but still look natural. She smiled and took it from you and quickly applied just the right amount. You glance in your mirror and smiled. 

Your sister should be a make up artist you mussed, she'd added more than you usually wore but she had brought out your features perfectly.  

You actually felt pretty for once. 

She grabbed your hand after you finished getting dressed and pulled you downstairs to the lounge where the MacManus boys sat quietly on one sofa as your dad glared at them from the armchair. He rose and gave you both a hug and shooed you all out of the house with a quiet warning to the twins to have you both home by 11pm.

Your sister laughed as Connor's hand once more left the stirring wheel to run along her thigh. You rolled your eyes as Murphy scowled at his brother. 

"Keep ye fuckin' eyes on the road man!" He growled and crossed his arms over his broad chest. You ducked your head and bit your lip, eyes raking down his shirt which strained tightly against his chest. The buttons seemingly ready to pop open at the slightest expansion of his breathing. Murphy gave you a nudge and flicked his hand towards you, a simple, white folded piece of paper between his fingers. You crossed your eyebrows in confusion as he nodded to his hand again. You gently slipped your hand across the seats and took it from him and lay it in your lap.  You gave him another look and he nodded at the note, twirling a pencil in his fingers absentmindly. 

You unfolded the note and gave Murphy a quick glance to catch his eye but he was looking out the window. 

Do ye forgive me? 

You smiled as Murphy's hand came into your view, holding the pencil between two of the slender digits. You bit your lip and took the pencil, scrawling a reply. 

For? 

Ignoring ye the last week

Why did you do that? 

Ye sister is fuckin' scary. 

Haha not as scary as dad

Aye. So do ye?

Depends... 

On? 

If you earn it...

Murphy smirked at you as his eyes scanned the note. He shifted his body slightly as the car rounded a corner, using the turn as an excuse to get closer to you. Sara glanced in the rearview mirror and caught your eyes. She nodded her towards Murphy and wiggled her eyebrow before smiling widely as Murphy's hand landed on your knee. You smirked at her and glanced back at Murphy as his other hand cupped your cheek softly. 

He leaned in and brushed your lips with his, not noticing his brother glancing at you in the mirror as well.  

Murphy's tongue flicked at your bottom lip for access, which you granted and gave a little moan as he ran his tongue around yours. His hand gripping your hip gently and sliding under your shirt to run his thumb across your hip bone. His grip tightening as you kissed him deeply. You parted breathlessly, his forehead resting against yours. 

"Have I earned ye forgiveness then?" He whispered against your lips. You bit your bottom lip and nodded before kissing him once more. 

"Fuck!" Connor yelled as the car swerved to the right wildly before he regained control of the car. Murphy being pushed across the seat to land with his face in your lap. You blushed bright red as he straightened and licked his lip. You both glanced towards thee front of the car and paled. Your sister's body was laid across the seats with her head dipping up and down into Connor's lap. The slurping sounds turned your stomach and you blushed in embarrassment. "Oh god...." 

"Jesus Fuckin' Christ! Could ye nat wait til we weren't wit' ya? Fuckin' hell man!" Murphy complained, covering his eyes and yours. Connor continued to moan and pant for several more minutes, the volume increasing steadily until he braked suddenly and gave a deep gutteral groan. Murphy gave a gag of disgust at his brother and his hand over your eyes tighten slightly. 

"Ye fucking idiot! Could've killed us all! Carrying on like that!" Murphy whined as he uncovered his eyes then yours, once sure your sister had resumed her seat. Sara smirked at your red face in the rear view mirror as she wiped her mouth, winking at Murphy who scoffed and folded his arms.

"Hey Murphy..." 

"Aye?"

"If you're lucky maybe my sweet baby sister will give you one once we get to the cinema." Sara laughed, watching your face and Murphy's change colour several times.

You gave a nervous laugh and buried your face into your shoulder, leaning your too warm face against the cool glass of the window. 

Fuck.... Would he expect me to? You panicked, blocking out all sound inside the car. I can't do that! I don't know how! Oh my god... What if he does and I can't get him to cum? Oh my god... Oh my god... Oh my god! 

The internal panic didn't fade at all during the rest of the car ride, nor did it as you got to the cinema or when you were buying your snacks or even entering the theatre. It was still there as you and Murphy separated from your sister and his twin. You were nervous to say the least. 

Murphy smiled at you and wrapped his arm around your shoulders, settling comfortably close as you sat in your chosen seats at the back of the theatre. You gulped as you stared at the big blank screen. 

"Ye alright beautiful? Ye tense as hell." Murphy whispered into your ear as the screen lit up and his hand ran along your arm softly. You nodded and bit your lip, nerves fired beyond relief.

"I'm fine... Its just... Never mind." You were thankful that the room was near darkness as your face turned bright red. 

"What? Tell me" 

"It's stupid..."

"If somethin' bothering ye, ye can tell me. I promise I won't laugh." He whispered, brushing your ear lightly with his lips as his hand gently kneaded your thigh. "Is it what Sara said? Cos I wouldn't ever force ye t' do summit ye ain't willing t'..." 

You nod and turn to face him slightly, your eyes not meeting his. Murphy chuckles lowly and runs his hand from behind your head to cup your cheek bringing your lips to his gently. You sigh into the kiss as his other hand trails along your thigh and cups your core gently. You pull away and glance around nervously. Thankful everyone's attention is on the screen in front of you. 

"Relax beautiful. No one's lookin' at us. Let me really earn ye forgiveness..." 

Your teeth sunk into your bottom lip harshly as Murphy's talented fingers slip under your underwear and begin to stroke your heated pussy softly, teasingly. You gasp as one briefly grazes your clit and his lip begin to suck and nip at the delicate skin of your neck. You subconsciously shift your hips to grant him more access as his fingers dip between your slicken folds. You give a little whine as his fingers explore your inner walls slowly, feeling him smirk against your neck which was sure to be a lovely shade of purple from his constant attention. You'd definitely need to wear a high collared shirt tomorrow.

Your fingers scrambled to his wrist as his thumb begins to circle your clit in time to his thrusting digits. Your other hand finds his hair and pulls him to your mouth, sealing his mouth to yours hungrily. Your toes curl in your shoes as you suddenly orgasm around his hand and nearly shriek. Luckily the loud explosion on the screen covers your shriek of unexpected pleasure. Murphy laughs as he massages you down from your leg shaking orgasm. 

"Murphy... Wow.... Fuck..." You pant, smiling softly against his chest as he pulls you into a tight hug, kissing you gently once more. 

"Ferget what ye sister said. I ain't gonna ask ye t' do that. Unless ye ready." He smiles as you snuggle against his chest and begin watching the movie, despite having missed the first 35 minutes of it due to Murphy's wonderful hands. 

It was truly a perfect date you smiled to yourself, feeling Murphy press his lips to your head once more. 

And you couldn't wait to see what else the night had in store. 

[nervousladytraveler]

The Alibi

Inspired by the kiss prompt: A + B are in an argument, then they stop, just stare at each other, and then crash their lips together, because, like i said... fuck this shit Ross and Demelza

Requested by the lovely @veryflowerobservation

---

“God damn it, Demelza! I told you not to follow me tonight!”

For the last eight miles, Ross had been looking over his shoulder while Demelza drove. No one was behind them on the dark road, and it was most likely they’d been unseen, yet he continued to anxiously watch. There was nothing that would quiet the churning adrenaline that came from such a close call.

“Well it's a good thing I did follow you, otherwise…” Demelza snapped back at him.

“Otherwise what?!” He cut her off before she continued in what sounded like another self-righteous justification. Her words rang empty to him--she’d acted impulsively and it was just dumb luck that she hadn’t made things worse.

“You seriously ask me that?”

“Demelza, I would have sorted it instead of both of us being in danger!”

“No, Ross. In case you didn't notice I just saved your skin before you had anythin’ to sort. And you can’t just sort a thing like this with the police, by the way. Not even you. But now that’s a moot point and no one is in danger. Of gettin’ hurt or bein’ arrested--precisely because I came.“

Without any warning, Demelza took a sharp left at the Blowinghouse Turn bus stop, then minutes later turned right on the B3284 towards Truro. This whole time she’d kept the tiny Kia Forte steady at 30 mph, a frustratingly slow pace that further agitated Ross--and she was well aware that it would, no doubt. But she was right in her refusal to drive any faster. The last thing they needed now was trouble for speeding.

“Why didn’t you stay on the…” he started but stopped once he caught the acid look she flashed him. “You seem to know what you’re doing,” he mumbled.

“Yes, Ross. Yes, I do.”

To their relief, the road ahead remained empty. Then again people didn't really tend to be out driving at 2AM on a Tuesday unless they had urgent business. Or shady business.

“So was this all your plan all along--that you’d come out tonight and spy on me?” he asked.

“Spy? You’re not very good at keepin’ secrets, you know,” she sputtered. “Besides, you already told me what you were up to, just not when or where…”

“For good reason! Because I didn’t want you involved. But you told me that you’d stay home--you lied to me!” Ross’s dark voice filled the little car.

“Lyin’? You’re really speakin’ to me about lyin’?” Her laugh, bitter and sarcastic, met his anger head on.

Demelza Carne had worked for Ross Poldark for years now--since she was a teenager really-- first as an all around office assistant and recently as his bookkeeper. And she’d shown him time and again that she wasn't cowed by his moods. She was one of the few people in his life who wasn’t. She was also one of the few people in his life who hadn’t abandoned him once his business prospects began to fail. He shouldn’t have expected anything different from her tonight.

“But no, Ross, I hadn’t planned on interferin’ with your business. I do have a life of my own you know...“

“Demelza--wait--are you claiming I lied to you?”

“When you omit somethin’ on purpose, that’s also a lie,” she said calmly, then a moment later her agitation boiled up again. “Jesus, Ross! What were you thinkin’?! Comin out here on your own to meet those smugglers? You didn't think it was a set up?”

Smugglers. It rankled him that she insisted on calling Trencrom and his men smugglers as though this were some 18th century French scheme or an Enid Blyton novel, rather than a simple business arrangement.

But no matter what term Ross preferred, tonight proved it remained a dangerous business. And while the charge of “improper importation of goods chargeable with a duty which has not been paid” certainly sounded less exciting than smuggling, it still carried a severe penalty.

Tonight would have been Ross’s third transaction with Robert Trencrom, a local businessman who had approached him last summer with a proposition. It seemed that from time to time Trencrom and his associates had in their possession certain goods acquired through less than proper channels. What Trencrom needed was an unassuming place to store these goods until such a time when they could be distributed without suspicion. Nampara, Ross’s derelict farm, might provide the perfect cover since there were so many unused outbuildings, several that still had solid walls and intact roofs. It had been decades since the farm produced anything that needed storing, so why not let the space to others whilst Ross made a little cash on the side?

The past two times it had been Belgian cigarettes--not massive quantities but enough that the whole endeavour still carried a risk. Yet Ross’s involvement had been truly minimal, just as Trencrom had assured him. In fact, Ross had not even been home when the goods were delivered. Trencrom’s men had tucked the plastic barrels behind some rusting mowing machines, and Ross was only made aware that the goods had been removed some weeks later when an envelope of cash was left for him in his car.

And since these were cash transactions, Ross considered hiding them altogether from Demelza, who minded his books for him. But in the end, he explained in vague details what he had done and asked her not to question him further. Clearly she hadn’t approved but she said nothing.

It wasn’t drugs or weapons--or people--so it could be worse, he’d told himself. And as soon as he just got a little more out of debt, he’d cut ties with the lot.

When Ross didn’t hear from Trencrom all winter, he’d assumed the connection had faded and sighed in relief. He’d miss the income but not the entanglement.

Then a few weeks into May, Trencrom reached out again.

This time Ross was to be more involved and actually take delivery of the cargo himself. Naturally there would be considerable compensation--a figure Ross didn’t think he could refuse considering his current financial status. Trencrom hinted he’d been worried about the loyalty of such a big crew and so for this job he wanted to keep his circle small. He’d instructed Ross to meet them at the Rugby Football Club carpark just after midnight.

In the hours leading up to the hand off, Ross was determined to pass a quiet evening at home. So when his friend Dwight stopped by unannounced for a drink and a game of cards, he’d welcomed the diversion. He was also relieved that Demelza, who lived in one of the tiny cottages adjacent to the main house, seemed to deliberately be giving him a wide berth that day. She knew about the “business” Ross had later, but having already made her objections clear, there was nothing left to say on the matter. Normally she would have stayed--she liked Dwight Enys and the two of them playfully teased Ross as only true friends could. But tonight she left Ross with Dwight and went home early.

It was around 11PM that Ross received another call--the exchange point had apparently changed. He was now to meet Trencrom’s men at the airfield at 1:30 and he was to come on foot--without his car. The barrels were already loaded in a van so there was no need to remove them to another vehicle.That last detail did seem odd to him at the time. But once Ross had left for the appointment, he found it was a mild night, and figured he’d park at the beach and enjoy the walk to the airfield.

He was still almost a mile away when the familiar black Kia pulled up next to him. His every muscle tightened and he could hear the blood pounding in his ears.

“Demelza,” he’d hissed. “Get out of here!’

“Get in the car now, Ross,” she’d said simply.

“Look, Demelza, I know you don’t approve of this...” There was something in her eyes that made him take notice. Like an animal being hunted, she was on high alert.

“Get in,” she’d said again. “It’s a trap.”

“What?!” he’d asked, shaking his head in disbelief but still he climbed into the car without waiting for a satisfactory explanation.

“Seatbelt,” was all she’d said. He could hear the tension in her voice but she concentrated on the road ahead of her and didn’t even offer him a glance. “There,” she said finally and bid him to look to the right.

She drove on without slowing down so it was only a flash to him, still the chilling sight registered in his brain. Just beyond the tall hedges at the entrance to the airfield were three police cars, and two others that looked unmarked, all waiting in a circle with their headlamps off.

Demelza had been right--it had been a trap. And one he would have literally walked right into had she not shown up when she did.

It was doubtful that Trencrom was the one cooperating with the cops--it must have been one of the others in his crew. So Trencrom did have good reason to want to draw his circle closer. Ross wondered if he’d actually known there was a rat amongst them or just suspected it.

Ross knew he should be grateful for Demelza’s timely rescue but he couldn’t help resenting that she’d been right. She may have had a right to be so smug, but he didn't have to enjoy listening to her rub it in.

“I knew this would happen…” she muttered and drove on.

“Oh, you most certainly did not,” he growled. “No one did.”

“No one?” she laughed. “Well let’s see, Ross...the cops knew and someone else most certainly knew--whoever grassed on you, that is…”

“I would have thought, knowing you as I do, that you���d understand why I had no choice…”

“No choice? What sort of bullshit is that, Ross? Have you run round in your head how that really sounds? You know that's not an actual legal defense?”

“I mean I needed the money. I have a mortgage payment due and…”

“Yes, I am aware of that, Ross. Knowin’ me as you think you do, you should have talked this over with me. I’m your bookkeeper, for fuck’s sake.”

He didn’t want to think about what he should have done and whether he’d pushed her away as she claimed. He had good reason not to involve her--he’d wanted to avoid just such an argument with her.

And he also wanted to protect her.

“Turn left up here then pull over at the top of the hill and let me drive,” Ross grumbled as she rolled into the sleeping town.

“You’re most certainly not drivin’ my car!” she huffed but nonetheless turned as he had directed and pulled into the car park at the back of the Star and Garter Inn.

It was a clever move. They hadn’t spoken it but they both knew their friend Jinny Martin would be working the desk tonight. Perhaps she could get them a room and they could wait it out there until morning.

Demelza switched off the headlamps and then after a moment’s hesitation, the engine as well.

Ross heard her take in a sharp breath--more like a hiss--and waited for the tempest to continue.

“Well, yes,” he said just a beat before she opened her mouth to speak. “When the pick-up location changed last minute, I might have seen it was a set up.” It wasn't an apology but he hoped he could buy himself some time before her next eruption. “But I never imagined anyone involved in this arrangement would ever inform on me…”

“Oh Ross! I would have guessed it, and am surprised it didn't happen sooner. Honour amongst thieves and all that.”

“They aren’t--we aren’t--thieves.”

“Ok, not thieves per se but it’s still criminal activity to take delivery of smuggled cargo. Ross, you think you’re such a great judge of character but that lot...they’re greedy bastards and they just aren't your friends.”

“And you are?”

She stared at him, wide eyed and open-mouthed, unbelieving that he’d actually questioned her loyalty when she’d just saved him from a possible seven year prison sentence.

“Demelza, that came out wrong,” he said. Again it wasn’t an apology. At least not in its tone.

“Everythin’ you say comes out wrong, Ross. Or do you actually mean to be such an absolute arsehole?”

“Can’t you just admit that you could have put yourself in danger back there? With both Trencrom’s crew and the cops?” He put his hand on her arm and was surprised at how strong her muscles felt as she gripped the steering wheel. Instinctively he pulled away.

“Can’t you just admit how stubborn and stupid you can be?” Usually so bright and reassuring, her voice was hoarse from such rough use tonight.

“I’m stubborn?” he asked.

“No one saw me, Ross. And the important thing is that the police didn't see you. So you’re safe.”

“Well…”

“I suppose even if the cops had your name as someone possibly involved, since they didn't actually catch you doin’ any illegal activity, they can’t arrest you. Besides I’m your allibi for this evenin’. We can stay here overnight in case they’re watchin’ the house, and I’ll take you back to to pick up your car in the mornin’.“

“Wait! What if there’s CCTV here?” Ross felt a renewed jolt of panic tear through him.

“All the cameras are on the front of the building and the side where the guests park. This section is for employees.” She pointed to the few other cars around them. Older, tatty, bought second hand on the cheap but still at a cost as they most likely required constant maintenance. These were the cars of service workers--night clerks, cleaners, cooks. He recognised Jinny’s old Skoda with it’s Leicester City FC sticker on the rear. That car had been in the Martin family for almost two decades now and somehow, through mechanical expertise or through sheer will, her resourceful father had managed to keep it running. No one would bother these cars with the shiny new BMWs and Audis on the other side of the hotel.

“What about traffic cameras? Back along the road?” Ross asked, not sure if he was being cautious or paranoid.

“Maybe, but Ross, there’s no law against bein’ out with a woman.”

“Who happened to pick me up on the side of the road in the middle of the night…”

“Well, let’s assume we had to meet up in the cover of dark to avoid gossip since you’re my boss...and because of your jealous girlfriend.”

“Demelza, you know I don’t have a girlfriend,” he grumbled. “This is ridiculous…”

“I know that, but the police wouldn’t. A clandestine affair--a fake one of course--is a perfect cover for sketchy behaviour. But if you’d prefer I not be your alibi…”

“This isn’t a game!” he snapped again. He couldn’t stand that she’d laughed just now. Then a thought hit him and he had to ask. “How did you even know where I was going? That I’d be heading from the beach towards the airfield on foot?”

“Dr. Enys told me.”

“What? This just gets more unbelievable! Dwight knew this was top secret--why the hell did he tell you?”

“Top secret but still you told him?” she snorted. “Well, I’m glad you did, I suppose. He couldn’t follow you himself--he’d a call from one of his ‘patients’, which I think was actually code for Caroline wanted him to come round’--so he thought I might be able to stop you. At least he has some faith in me.”

“Oh come on, this isn’t about what I think of you…”

“Isn’t it though? You clearly don’t trust me and you don’t think I can handle myself and you think I’m silly.”

“Silly?”

“Oh sorry--ridiculous was the word you just used. Anyway Dwight was wary of the whole arrangement and thought it stank to high heaven.”

“Why didn’t he tell me that himself?!”

“He said he did--did you actually listen? And before you get angry at him, you should thank your lucky stars that he was still at Nampara when Trencrom sent word of the ‘new’ meetin’ point...”

“It wasn’t Trencrom who rang me,” he corrected her. “It was Charlie who told me the meet up was moved to the airfield.”

“Charlie Kempthorne? That tosser? Are you shitting me? And you didn’t think it was suspicious that Charlie would be privy to some secret revised plan and you wouldn’t?” she scoffed. “But really, Ross, you should be fucking grateful to have Dwight as a mate. He’s a real friend, you know.”

“I never said he wasn't.”

“No, you just said I wasn't,” she snorted.

“Oh come on, Demelza. You know I didn't mean that. What are you going on about?”

“In case it isn’t clear, Ross,” she hissed, “I am still so angry at you.” She spoke through clenched teeth. “That you got involved with those weasels in the first place, that you shut me out, that you almost...”

“It’s none of your business!” he shouted. “Why are you being this way?”

“Okay, it’s not my business and I’m not your friend, just some stupid girl who works for you and is used to clearin’ up your messes--and who knows she’ll be out of that job if--no, sorry--when you get nicked. Fuck this shit. And fuck you, Ross!” Without looking at him, she stepped out of the car and slammed the door.

Ross immediately followed her, afraid that she’d keep shouting and wake the hotel. She stopped in her tracks a few yards away and stood silently. It might have been the first time in nearly thirty minutes that she’d stopped yelling at him. Ross leaned against the still-warm bonnet of the car and exhaled.

Perhaps she’d known what she was doing, parking the car in a farthest corner of the lot, under a broken street lamp. They were completely hidden in shadow, still Ross could make out her face--her narrowed, feral eyes, her gnashing teeth that gleamed in the faint moonlight. For a moment he thought she might bite him.

He cautiously took a step forward then paused to read her posture.

The chill in the air--and in the words they’d just thrown at each other--was causing her shoulders to shake. He noticed she was wearing a blue jumper just a shade darker than her brilliant eyes. The sleeves were too long, and she’d had to repeatedly push them up, but they wouldn't cooperate and now hung past her fingertips.

It was his, he then realised, the old one he usually left hanging on the peg by the front door.

He almost asked her what she was wearing--or rather why she was wearing it--but instead, aware that he’d been moved and not all sure of the reason, he did something else. He made two broad strides towards her.

Startled, she looked up at him. Her shining eyes lit the night.

“Yes, like you said...fuck this shit…” he laughed and put his hand on her elbow, pulling her towards him. He expected resistance, but he found none.

It was only a moment that they just stared at each other but it felt eternal, and then at some unspoken signal, they crashed together.

It was an untidy and urgent kiss--almost violent in its clumsiness had it not been fueled by such sincere desperation. Then, as they both found their breath, their arms found each other. A great weight had been lifted--one that neither Ross nor Demelza even realised they were shouldering until that moment.

He wove his hands through her hair and kissed her again. This time their lips worked together, carried by the flood of surging desire and long-sought release.

“Demelza, I’m so sorry I got you in this.” His voice was low but soft. Now his hands framed her face, afraid she might slip away like sand through his fingers.

“Ross, I was just so scared for you.”

He could hear the tears she was trying to hold back and understood why she’d been so angry with him. He’d been such a spectacular idiot, and in more ways than one.

“Me too. When you turned up, Demelza...my blood ran cold at the thought that I'd lured you into danger. I would never let anyone hurt you…” He ran the backs of his fingers gently down her cheek then kissed her pulsing temple.

“I couldn't leave you Ross, I just couldn't,” she cried into his neck.

“Thank you for caring for me even though I don’t deserve it. Come, you’re shivering. Let's go inside. We can talk more…” But instead of letting her go, he pressed her closer until he was certain he could feel her heart beating against his.

“I don't want to talk anymore,” she sniffled.

“Me neither. I just want to touch you and know you are safe.”

“Will you, Ross?”

Good god, I’ll never let you go, he thought.

“And can you trust me?” When she looked up at him, the hunted, defensive animal was gone. Now she was raw, vulnerable. She was softly opening herself to him, and doing so completely.

Ross understood what would happen next, what was happening now. He felt it in his gut and knew things would never be the same.

“Of course I do,” he whispered. “More than anyone.”

The darkness of the night--their secret accomplice--wrapped herself protectively around them.

Demelza lifted her face towards him and Ross kissed her once more.

[barnesandrogersfanfics]

Ocean Eyes - Part 6

I was stood in front of my mirror looking over my outfit choice, i wanted to keep it casual but dressy enough to be out on a Friday night! I already knew Hannah would show up in some ridiculously short dress or a too low cut top showing off her assets! The black wrap top i found in my closet was just low cut enough to tease but not slutty, i found my good jeans (that always made me feel good about myself) and finished my look with my black heals.

As i checked my hair and make up i couldn't help but feel nervous. It had been so long since i had been out like this. My social life was pretty non-exsistant since becoming a mom, even when i did go out with Hannah it was days out with Mason and Lucas. I grabbed my clutch from the dresser throwing in my lipstick and eyeliner incase i needed to freshen up my makeup throughout the evening and then headed downstairs.

"Mace, you ready to go?" I asked as i walked into the living room, i was dropping him at Hannah's mom's place and meeting her there.

"Yeah..... wow mom you look so pretty" he said smiling at me.

"Thank you baby" he was such a sweet kid, he made my heart melt!

I grabbed my leather jacket and Mason's  overnight bag and we were soon heading out to the car.

When we arrived at the bar we found a table in the back and got settled. Hannah was straight up at the bar ordering shots and vodka lemonade's while i held the table and kept a look out for Scott.

Hannah came back carrying a tray full of drinks with a huge grin on her face.

"These should last us a while"

"Jesus Han, you trying to kill me? You do realise i'll probably be wasted after two drinks!" I chuckled shaking my head.

"Thats what tonight is all about, we dont have to worry about the boys.... tonight we are free to drink and get wasted"

"Not gonna lie, i actually needed this"

"You've had a stressful few days babe, you've handled it like a pro. Im proud of you"

"Thanks" i smiled before throwing back a shot of whisky "wow.... that warms the chest" i coughed a little before laughing.

My cell lit up notifying me of a message from Scott telling me he was here, i told him where to find us and seconds later he was sliding into the seat next to me.

"Wow you look amazing honey!" He looked me up and down.

"Thank you Scott, Mason told me i looked pretty before we left.... i swear my heart melted"

"Awww thats so cute"

"Lucas didn't even notice i was going out" Hannah rolled her eyes before picking up another shot "Mason is such a sweetheart.... so observant to everything around him. My Luke? Im lucky if i can get him to talk to me at all when he's watching TV"

"He gets that from his dad Han, sounds exactly like Mike"

"God i hope not, i dont want him turning out like that asshole".

Scott disappeared to the bar (he was gone for ages) when he reappeared he was carrying a tray full of drinks.... some pretty pink glittery cocktails and more shots.

"Look how pretty these are!" he said loudly looking so happy with his drink choice, Hannah and i burst out laughing at how excited he was over the glittery drinks.

Id lost count of how many drinks we'd had by now, we had taken so many photo's and had even been dancing.... Scott had climbed up onto the table at one point until he nearly fell off.

"What about him? He looks cute.... and he keeps looking over here!" Scott pointed to a man near the bar, Hannah was already chatting to some guy she had taken a liking to.

"I think he's looking at you Scotty" i laughed.

"Who are you looking at?? Are we talking about the same person??"

"The blonde guy...."

"No! Im looking at him! The tall dark and handsome guy smouldering in the corner"

"His beautiful.... and so outta my league!" I laughed before taking a sip of my drink "i need to use the ladies room, i'll be back".

Heading back to our table once id finished in the ladies room i noticed Scott wasn't alone at our table anymore, Mr tall dark and handsome was sat with him along with another guy.

"Scott! You little shit" i muttered under my breath before giving him a false smile.

"Here she is! Gentleman this is my best friend Y/N.

Y/N this is Derek and Peter"

"Hi, its nice to meet you" Mr tall dark and handsome said with the most beautiful smile "i'm Derek"

"Hey, nice to meet you too"

"I invited them to join us for some drinks, more the merrier and all that" Scott looked at me smirking.

'Ruby's' was packed out when we got there just before 11pm, Derek and Peter had decided to join us as well as Hannah's new 'friend' who we found out was called Troy. Derek and Peter had gone to get a round of drinks in while Scott and I found a table. I kept seeing Scott texting someone, he'd been at it all night.

"Okay spill, who have you been texting all night? You gotta a new guy?" I asked loudly over the music wiggling my eyebrows at him before giggling....id had far too much to drink!

"No there's no new guy" he laughed.

"So who is it?"

"Um...."

"Please tell me its not your brother Scott"

"Of course it is..... i'm sorry"

"Checking up on you?"

"Yeah you know what his like, he wanted to come out too but i told him that would be weird. He is going to be picking me up though"

"Scott!" I moaned resting my head on the table and groaning "Im too drunk to deal with your brother"

"He will just be picking me up out front, you dont have to see him" he reached over and gave my hand a squeeze.

"Okay"

"Here we go, we come baring gifts" Peter announced placing a tray on the small table.

"Thank you guys" i smiled at them both "anyone see where Hannah went?"

"I think she left with that guy" Derek said "im sure it was her i saw leaving"

"Why am i not surprised! She always did this to me"

"Did what?"

"Beg me to go out with her for a girls night and then disappear with some random guy. You'd think she'd grow out of that by now" i laughed. Checking my phone i saw a message from her confirming that she had indeed left for the night.

"I think this is my last guys, i'm seeing two of everyone"

"We should do this again sometime, its aways nice to meet new friends" Scott said to Derek and Peter.

"Its been fun" i nodded in agreement.

We all exchanged numbers and then Scott came outside with me to call an Uber. As we walked outside we spotted Chris's car parked across the street.

"He's here already"

"You can go, i'll be okay on my own"

"No way! Im not leaving you alone out here" he said being extra dramatic.

Scott's phone rang and he showed me the screen with Chris's name.

"Hey..... no everything's fine y/n is just getting an Uber. Um.... okay hold on" he looked at me "Chris said he'll take you home"

"An Ubers fine...."

"Come on let us take you. Please? For me?"

"Fine" i threw my hands up sighing "lets go".

I let Scott get in the front with chris while i sat in the back.

"You guys have fun?" He asked as he pulled out on to the road.

"It was sooo good. You missed out" Scott said drunkenly looking at his brother with a grin.

"Well i wasn't invited"

"Oh god...." i muttered to myself rolling my eyes, i was too drunk for this. I let my head fall back and closed my eyes.... maybe i could just sleep until we reached my place.

I managed to fall asleep until my cell started ringing. I fumbled around in my clutch for the phone and answered without seeing who it was.

"Hello"

"Y/N its Sue" i heard Hannah's mom's voice come through, i instantly opened my eyes on full alert.

"Sue, is everything okay.... is Mace ok?"

"He's actually not feeling well, he's been sick and has a fever. Y/N he's just crying and asking for you"

"Shit, um okay.... christ why did i drink so much"

"Hey whats wrong with Mason?" Chris asked meeting my eyes in the rear view.

"He's been sick and has a fever, he keeps asking for me"

"We can go get him, just tell me where i gotta go".

"Sue we'll be there in 10 minutes" i told her after i gave Chris the address "okay, see you soon" i ended the call and let my head fall back against the headrest "fuck! How the hell am i supposed to look after Mason like this"

"I can help out, i dont mind" Chris spoke up "if you need me to stay and help with Mason....."

"Thats actually not an awful idea.... at least until i've sobered up a bit. God, this is why i dont go out getting wasted!"

"You couldn't have known he'd get sick"

"But i should've been there for him...." i was suddenly feeling guilty for not being there for my baby boy.

Everything taglist: @jesseswartzwelder @dumblani @barnesandrogersworld @patzammit @rynabarnesrogers-reading @rainbowkisses31 @rororo06 @supernaturalwintersoldier

Ocean eyes: @supraveng @michelehansel @melissaglenn5 @denisemarieangelina @mrsjeffwittek @mery-be @marvelfansworld @cmalass @capstopavenger @fallenoutofrose @kelbabyblue @biebsmylife95 @loser-alert @traceyaudette @w3lissax @jennmurawski13 @ford66steal @saiyanprincessswanie

[bondsmagii]

honestly good on u for finding what works & sticking to it, i have a job that has me getting home at 11pm most nights and people love to ride my ass about how “””unhealthy””” it is that i fall asleep at 2/3am and wake up at 10/11am. like what the fuck should i do??? go to sleep immediately upon entering my home so i can wake up at a socially acceptable hour? fuck that

lmao what?? people do not realise that you gotta align your sleep with your day, jesus. the whole “go to bed at 10/11pm and wake up at 6/7am” thing might work for the 9-5 grind but a whole lot of us are working from home or doing shift work right now. I’ve never had a 9-5 in my entire life, and I’ve frequently worked shifts from 3-11pm or 11pm-7am or something. how the fuck am I supposed to sleep at a “normal” time when that’s when I’m scheduled to work!!

since I was about 12-13 I’ve had a wack-ass sleeping pattern, and apparently even when I was a little kid I would either sleep all the time or not at all, so I figure I’m just wired that way (minus the shifting, which seems to be the head injury’s fault and my life would be drastically more convenient without it, lol). my parents used to fight me on it to the extent where they would literally deprive me of sleep in an effort to get me to conform to a “normal” pattern, but come 10-11pm every night I would wake right up again, so fuck them lol. when I was in high school I would go to bed at 4-5am and be up for the bus at 7am, and then stay up until 4-5am again. I did this for like, two years. aside from the occasional nap in one of my huge study room blocks I just existed on 2 or 3 hours’ sleep a night, because it was Forbidden™ to nap when I got home. all because my parents thought napping in the afternoon was “unhealthy”. like, how tf is sleeping for 2-3 hours any better?? 

anyway I’m fortunate enough to be completely in charge of my own routine now I’m officially one of those pretentious full-time writers, so it’s very refreshing to just go to bed at a fuck stupid time and wake up actually feeling like I had a good night’s sleep. genuinely thought that was just a rumour for like, my entire life!

[michaelthemadbitch]

Two one shots in one night? It’s more likely than you think. This one is dedicated to my amazing friend @we-killed-parker who never gave up on me or this fandom. 💖

14: “ You’re a disappointment. ”

Sam was late, he knew he was late but he had only one more deal for the day and then he could go home. He was tired and ready to relax with his partners but he had one last stoner looking for a fix. Sam leaned against the alley wall and checked his watch again. Quarter after, damnit the other guy was late.

“Five more minutes asshole.” He whispered to himself. He leaned his head against the wall and sighed. He had promised Hannah he would be home by four and it was five fifteen. He could only hope his present would be enough to calm her down, and Steve and Mike and Amanda. He just had to stop at the mall to pick it up.

“Yo Beans!” A voice came from the end of the alley.

“Finally jackass, I’ve been waiting here for 15 minutes.” Sam said, pushing himself off the wall and turning toward him.

“Jeez yeah sorry,” the guy laughed. “Listen do you have my shit.”

“Yeah, yeah I have it right here.” Sam held up the baggie. “Give me the fucking money.”

“Oh hell yeah.” He handed Sam a wad of cash. Sam counted it out before nodding and passing him the baggie.

“Pleasure doing business with you.” Sam said, leaving the alley. Sam grinned and added that money to his stash and walked to the mall. He hurried to the jewelry store, picking up the set of 5 rings. They weren’t flashy or anything but they each had a small heart along with their initials carved on the inside of the ring.

He put all of the rings in his pocket, knowing it was ridiculous and risky but he loved them all so much and he wanted to give them promise rings. He glanced at his watch and groaned, he was now two hours late and his partners were going to be pissed as hell. He sighed and stretched for a moment before sprinting toward Amanda’s house.

He ran for a good 7 minutes before a group of guys stepped out of an alley and cut him off. He skidded to a stop, falling backwards slightly as he stopped.

“Well well, where are you headed to in such a hurry?” The main guy said, looking down at him.

“Uh, home? I’m late? What uh, what’s this?” Sam asked standing up and staring at them.

“Oh nothing,” he said with a cruel grin as his buddies moved to surround Sam. “Just noticed, you had a lot of deals go down around town and you had a huge wad of cash about twenty minutes. We want that cash.”

Sam blinked for a second before his eyes widened and he looked around. “L-look I already got rid of the cash. I don’t have any of it on me: but, uh, I have some weed? Some Xanax? Some Percocet? Seriously just take it all and let me go.”

The main guy sneered, “we aren’t fucking druggies, we just wanted the cash. Now stop lying and give it to me.”

“I don’t, I don’t have any cash I swear it.” He said, holding up his hands.

The main guy nodded at his goons and before Sam could move his arms were twisted up behind his back while two guys started going through his pockets.

“No money boss, but he has this.” One of the guys tossed the ring box over to the main guy. Sam struggled to get it back.

“Awww, gonna propose to your little girlfriend?” He said opening it and blinking at the five rings. “The fuck is this? Why the fuck did you need five? What are you a cheating piece of shit?”

“Just give them back. I don’t have any money!” Sam struggled against the arms holding him and got a swift punch in the stomach for his troubles.

The guy scoffed, “I bet we could pawn these for cash. Teach this cheating scum a lesson then let’s get out of here.” He pocketed the rings and led the way back into the alley.

Sam struggled as best he could to avoid being dragged into the alley but he couldn’t. The guy holding his arms threw him into the wall, another guy grabbing the back of his neck and throwing him to the ground.

Sam tried to struggle to his feet but was kicked in the stomach, falling to his side again. He wrapped his arms around his head and curled up to the best of his ability, closing his eyes and waiting for it to be over.

After a few minutes he heard just laughter and the sound of people walking away. He laid there for another moment to try to catch his breath before he slowly pushed himself to his feet. His back felt like more bruise than skin but he wasn’t dying. He groaned and pressed his face into his hands. Those rings had taken months to pay for, and just like that they were gone.

He rubbed his face before starting to walk in the direction of home, no longer eager to get there. After another ten minutes he made it to the front of the house, wincing as he saw his four partners all standing outside of the house looking pissed.

“Samuel.” Amanda’s voice was far colder than he had ever heard it.

“U-uh. Hi.” He said quietly, stopping a few feet away.

“So you finally decided to come back?” Hannah asked, her voice just as cold.

“You’re late, on our fucking anniversary.” Mike said, not as cold but far more sad.

“Dude what the fuck?” Was all Steve could say.

“I-I’m sorry.” Sam looked down at the ground. “I, I was trying to; to get something special. But, but I, I fucked up.”

“God what else is fucking new.” Amanda scoffed, turning and storming into the house.

Mike and Steve just shook their head and walked back into the house after her.

“H-Hannah?” Sam looked over at her with desperation in his eyes.

“It was our anniversary Sam, our anniversary. You couldn’t stop dealing for one fucking day?”

“How did you?”

“You’ve got a bag of weed sticking out of your pack asshole. Just, fuck, go find somewhere to stay for the night.”

“Hannah!” He took a step forward but froze when she turned back with fury in her eyes.

“I can’t believe this, we know you make mistakes but Jesus Dude. You’re a fucking disappointed, on a whole new level.” She snapped, storming into the house.

Sam stood there frozen for a long moment, just staring at the door. He didn’t have anywhere to go, he didn’t have any options. He watched as they all closed the blinds of the street facing windows, Amanda giving him the finger as she closed hers.

He stood on the street for another long several minutes before turning toward the street. He walked for a long while, lost in his thoughts. Today was supposed to be perfect, he had spent so long saving up for the rings and trying to make sure they were perfect. And he lost them, to some shitbag on the street. He didn’t have his car, his bag, any spare clothes, or anything that could help him.

When his brain came back down to his body he was on the outskirts of town, right by the beginnings of the woods. He stared at the woods in front of him and then the city behind him. He had no fucking clue where he was but he might as well find somewhere to sleep for the night. He checked his watch and it was 11pm.

He looked around and found a small gazebo a little ways into the woods and he figured there were worse places to spend the night. He laid down on the floor of the gazebo, placing his arm under his head. It was already getting cold, but the long walk paired with the beating had resulted in him falling into an exhausted slumber immediately.

~~~~~~~~

He woke up sometime the next day, struggling to breathe properly and soaking wet. He sat up with a start, coughing violently as the tightness in his chest wouldn’t go away. The more he coughed the more his ribs hurt until all he could do was lay on his side and breathe shallowly. He laid there for a while before a crack of thunder came from above. He blinked and realized it was raining, and clearly had been for a while.

He groaned and tried to move himself to a dry part of the gazebo but the entire thing was soaked. He propped himself against one of the railings for a moment before another coughing fit over took him. He needed to get out of this rain, and soon. He hauled himself to his feet slowly and painfully, shivering as he realized his jacket was soaking wet and freezing cold.

He slowly began walking in the direction he had remembered from last night but soon realized that he was completely lost. He was standing at the edge of the town with no idea how to get somewhere safe. He shivered and picked a random direction, hoping to at least find somewhere warm he could sit down for a few minutes.

He trudged through the rain for twenty minutes before spotting an open diner and making a beeline for it. The hostess took one look at him and wrinkled her nose. “Sorry, if you can’t buy something you can’t stay.”

Sam frowned and reached for his wallet only to freeze when he remembered the guys who jumped him had taken it. He sighed, shoulders curling as he trudged back out into the rain. He made it another two blocks before his legs started to give out. He stumbled into a wall and slowly sat down, his lungs refusing to cooperate. He leaned his head back and took in shaky breaths until he stopped feeling like he was suffocating. And then the tears came. He was alone, completely and totally alone.

Sam didn’t know how long he sat there, but eventually the owner of the shop came out and started yelling at him to get away from the front of the shop. He forced himself to his feet staggering away. He walked for another few blocks before he had to take a break again, leaning against a wall and trying to breathe. He looked up and saw he was in front of a pawn shop, and in the front window were their promise rings in a display case.

He stumbled into the store, straightening up to the best of his abilities.

“Hello young man, what can I do for you this afternoon?”

“Uh, those rings in the window. They’re mine, they were stolen from me.”

“Those were brought in yesterday.” She studied him for a moment. “Can you prove it.”

“Uh, hes. I have uh, I have the receipt and I can tell you the engravings on the inside.”

She studied him for a moment before holding out her hand. Sam dug it out of his pack, relieved that it was still in there. He handed it over and she studied it for a very long moment before sighing. “Alright, come on let’s get them back to you.” She walked over to the window and pulled them out to hand them back to him. “I’m sorry about that.”

“It, it’s ok. At least I have them back.” He said clutching them tight.

“You should take those back to who they belong to.” She said gently.

He nodded, holding them close. “Uh, a-actually do you have a pen and paper and an envelope?”

“Sure do, here let me grab those.” She moved into a back room and came back a few moments later.

Sam took them; putting the rings in the envelope and writing a short note on the inside. He handed her back her pen. “Can you point me in the direction of north first street?”

“Sure, just three blocks up.” She pointed in the direction to go.

“Thank you,” he smiled at her and left the building. Hope pushed him in the direction of Amanda’s house, walking with confidence as soon as he got to the part of town he recognized. His steps slowed as he got closer to the house.

At the end of the block he paused for a bit, the excitement wearing off and reminding him exactly how Mad they had been and how much he hurt. He moved quietly to the house, hesitating before placing the envelope in the mailbox with the other mail already in there.

He sighed as he looked at it before turning and walking away again, this time to the familiar park. He laid down on a table under a roof and closed his eyes.

~~~~~~~

Hannah was still pissed, but it had been a full day since Sam had bailed on their anniversary. She was glad it was raining, it matched the mood of the group. Mike hadn’t left their bed, Steve had gone on a run and had been in the bathroom since he had come back, Amanda was laying on the couch. And Hannah was just angry.

She grabbed the mail and brought it in, sorting through it on the table. Bill bill coupons and a single unmarked and water stained envelope. She studied it for a moment before opening it. 5 rings of different colors and sizes fell out into her hand along with a small note.

I know this doesn’t make up for anything, but this was why I was late. I just I wanted

I’m sorry.

-Sammy

Hannah read the letter four times through before studying the rings. There was a gold ring, a silver ring, a black ring, a white ring, and a gray ring. Each ring had an engraving inside:

S 🤍A🤍H🤍M🤍S

The black ring fit perfectly on Hannah’s ring finger and she just studied it for a long moment before gathering the others in her hand and carrying them into the living room.

“Amanda?”

“Mmm?” She grumbled, burying her face in the couch again.

“Amanda, something came in the mail for you.” She said, gently pressing the silver ring and note into Amanda’s hand.

Amanda rolled over and looked at it for a long moment before reading the note. “Oh my god. Why didn’t he just tell us?”

“We, we didn’t really give him much of a chance.” Hannah said rubbing her thumb along the black ring.

“No.” She whispered, putting her ring on. “No we really didn’t.”

“Come on, let’s go talk to Mike and Steve.” She gently took Amanda’s hand, helping her stand. The two of them walked solemnly up to the bedroom where Steve was now spooning Mike. They both sat in the bed, waiting for Steve and Mike to look at them.

“What’s up?” Steve finally asked looking up at them.

“Something came in the mail.” Amanda handed him the note. Steve took it with a sigh and read it before looking up at them with confusion. Hannah handed him the golden ring with a small frown. Steve studied it for a moment before frowning as well and sliding it on. “Oh. Oh we fucked up.”

“What?” Mike rolled over and to look at them all. Hannah pressed the gray ring into his hand and Steve read the note outloud.

“Oh. Oh we need to find him!” Mike sat straight up in bed, holding onto the ring.

“He’s probably at his dad’s.” Hannah said scrambling out of the bed. “It’s five minutes if we drive come on!”

The others all scrambled out of bed hurrying to grab clothes and shoes to go and get Sam. They were in the car after only a few moments, Steve driving incredibly fast and making it to the Beans house. Amanda jumped up and ran to the front door, knocking quickly.

“Hello? What the fuck do you want?”

“Where is Sam? Is he here?”

Sam’s dad scoffed. “That kid, no he hasn’t been here in months. You know that.”

“He?” Amanda blinked. “He didn’t come here yesterday?”

“No, he knows better than to show his face around here.” He slammed the door in her face.

Amanda blinked several times before running back to the car. “He’s not here. He hasn’t been in months. Oh god where did he go?”

“What? Shit we have to find him!” Steve said, gesturing for her to get into the car before pulling out of the driveway quickly. They drove around town for three hours, searching for him. It was around 9pm when Mike actually flung himself from the car and ran towards a pavilion. Steve slammed on the break and threw it into park, everyone else running after Mike.

~~~~~~

Sam was floating, like when he took the good shit. He wasn’t in pain anymore and was feeling warm, but for some reason he couldn’t figure out why. Someone was calling his name but they were far away and unimportant. Suddenly the entire world started spinning in a new way.

“Sammy! Come on! Wake up please!” The voice insisted, forcing the world to shake. Sam tried to ask him to stop, but he couldn’t make his words work.

“Sam, baby come on. Come back to us please.”

“We have to get him to the hospital.” Another voice chimed in. Sam felt the whole world shift again before he lost awareness entirely.

The next time Sam came back to himself he was slightly more aware. He managed to crack open an eye before letting out a small moan when the light hurt his eyes. Immediately he felt a hand take his own. “Sammy?”

“Mmm?” He groaned out before coughing hard. He could feel a soft hand running through his hair as he struggled to continue to breathe. After several moments he managed to get his breath back. When he opened his eyes there was a doctor with an oxygen mask standing in front of him. He gently placed the mask over Sam’s face.

“You are very lucky mister Beans. If you had been out there much longer it would have been much worse. As it is you have several bruised ribs, a few broken ribs, and an awful bout of pneumonia.”

Sam focused on breathing, rolling his head to the side to look at Amanda who was sitting next to him.

“You’ll be admitted for several days while we work on getting your lungs back in working order. Lots of bed rest and fluid. “Your girlfriend can be here during visiting hours along with one other friend for now. We don’t want to overwhelm you.”

Amanda squeezed his hand gently. “They’re all in the waiting room right now, and they’ll be here until you can leave.”

Sam nodded, taking in several wheezing breaths. He could already feel his consciousness fading away, before he realized that he could see a familiar glint of silver on her hand. He looked down at his own hand and saw the matching white ring on his ring finger. That was the last thing he saw before falling asleep again

~~~~~~~~~.

A few hours later he woke up again, the feeling of cold air blowing into his nose. He made a very quiet but very disgruntled sound, trying to get it to go away. A hand caught his as he tried to raise it to his face.

“Sammy? Hey Sammy it’s ok.” A voice came from his right. He cracked open his eyes and looked to the side, Mike was sitting there cradling his hand.

“Mike?” he whispered before dissolving into a coughing fit. Mike held his hand through the fit while Amanda rubbed his back gently. He slowly calmed down and his lungs began working normally.

“Hey babe? You back with us.” Amanda asked quietly, as a small army of nurses bustled around him working on making sure he was ok.

He nodded weakly, looking up at her with exhaustion. “Manda?”

“I’m right here Sam. I’m not going anywhere I promise.” She whispered, tears in her eyes. Sam tried to smile but he could guess it wasn’t very convincing based on her grimace. He took several labored breaths while the doctor did a few tests.

“To the best of our knowledge at this point he’s not out of the woods yet. He’s going to need to stay for a few more days unless he makes a sudden recovery.”

“And one of us can stay with him?” Amanda asked desperately.

“Of course, it’s hard to be alone and he will probably recover quicker with loved ones nearby.”

“Ok, ok good.” Amanda sighed and took his hand again, gently playing with his ring. Sam relaxed as he saw the ring, calmed by the knowledge it was there.

“Call us if you need anything.” The nurse said before quietly leaving the room again.

Sam took as deep a breath as he could and looked at the ceiling. “I,I,I’m sorry.” He gasped out quietly.

“Sammy, Sammy you don’t have to apologize.” Mike quickly said, touching his cheek gently. “We’re the ones who should be sorry. And we all are so sorry.”

“We, we’re sorry Sam. I’m so sorry.” Amanda was crying, holding onto his hand.

“M-my f-fault.” He wheezed out, eyes struggling to stay open.

“No babe, no it. It’s all our fault.” Mike whispered. “And we will make it up to you I promise.”

Sam struggled to stay awake, closing his eyes again and falling asleep.

~~~~~~~~~

The next time he woke up there was a warm weight by his side, and a hand holding his. He opened his eyes to find the room very dark, and Amanda holding his hand. He rolled his head to the side and looked down to see Hannah curled up at his side.

He tried to bring his arm up around Hannah but it wasn’t cooperating. Unfortunately it also woke her up and he suddenly found himself looking into her eyes. “Sam? Oh god Sam did I wake you?” She whispered.

“N-no.” He whispered back, taking in a labored breath.

“Shhh, go back to sleep. It’s ok, I promise.” Hannah said.

“I’m, I’m sorry.” He wheezed out.

“You, you have nothing to apologize for.” She said gently, pressing a small kiss to his cheek. “Just rest ok? Just rest.”

He nodded as best he could before closing his eyes and falling asleep again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next time he woke up, he was significantly more awake. He opened his eyes and found Hannah still curled up in his side, Amanda sitting beside him on the right, Mike on the left, and Steve on the couch against the wall. He shifted slightly, pulling Hannah close as he looked around.

“Sam?” Amanda’s voice startled him slightly. “Are you back with us?”

“Mhm?” He hummed, looking over at her with a weak smile.

“Hi baby,” she said giving him a gentle smile. “How are you feeling?”

“Tired, sore, weak.” He whispered, reaching for her hand. “What? What happened?”

“What do you remember?” She asked taking his hand.

Sam focused for a long few moments before shrugging. “I, I fucked something up?”

“No, no you didn’t Sam. No we fucked up. But, uhm, do you remember these.” She carefully held up her hand and showed him the ring.

Sam looked at it for a second before everything came back. “Oh.”

“Sammy, we’re. We’re sorry. For everything.” She said, tears spilling out. “I promise, we we love you so much and these mean the fucking world to us.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t explain. Should have tried.”

“We didn’t exactly give you a chance.” Mike’s voice came from the chair. “We fucked up.”

“I’m,”

“If that’s an apology.” Hannah cut in. “I will have no choice but to hug you to death.”

Sam chuckled slightly, squeezing her gently. “I, I love you guys. It took me months to get everyone’s ring size.”

“I bet.” Steve said chuckling. “But they fit perfectly. And from now on, everyone gets to explain why they’re ever late. We can’t do this shit again.”

“I fuckin,” Sam took in a deep breath and coughed slightly. “I hate hospitals.”

“I know.” Mike said, reaching out to touch his knee. “But hopefully you can come home soon.”

“How long?”

“You’ve been here for two days. You haven’t been conscious really before now.” Amanda supplied.

“Oh.” His voice was quiet. “That’s not good is it?”

“Not really, but now you’re awake. That’s what they said would be a good sign.” Hannah said quickly. “They said maybe another day or two after you wake up you can come home.”

“Ok, I can make it a day or two.” He said before his eyes flickered closed again. “Tired.”

“Go to sleep, we’ll be here when you wake up.” Hannah promised, cuddling closer to him.

“How come you’re all here?”

“Because Hannah started to cry when they asked us all to leave the nurses promised we could stay.” Steve said with a chuckle.

Sam grinned slightly and closed his eyes. “Love you guys.”

“Love you too. Go to sleep.” Amanda said gently.

Sam fell asleep quickly, reassured by the presence of his partners.

They kept their promise, from that point on no matter how late someone was they always got the benefit of the doubt and a chance to explain. And none of them ever took off their promise rings.

[catb-fics]

Sorry... this one might be a bit of a sad one, but I've been feeling a little down about shit from the past at the mo and this has come from that!

Broken Part 1

Warnings: References to an abusive relationship / Word Count: 2.7k

It started off with the odd derogatory comment. Your skirt was too short, or you were flirting with the guy behind the bar. You laughed it off. He was just being protective. He cared about you. If he didn't care he wouldn't be bothered about those things... right?

Your friends saw it different. As the snide comments turned into full blown arguments they would dry your tears, hold you tight, take you out for drinks that would drown out your worries just for one night. That was until the dawn came on a new day and you were forced to replay the harsh words, the steely glint in his eye, the way that these days the bad times seemed to overshadow the good.

"What happened this time?"

You turn up at your best friend Lizzie's house at 11pm one evening, trying your best to hold it together, plastering on a fake smile.

"What are you talking about? I was just on the way home from the pub and thought I'd call in to say hello." Your tone's automatically defensive, your smile faltering.

Lizzie's expression tells you she doesn't believe you and to be honest you're a terrible liar, but you aren't ready to let it all out yet. There isn't much holding your carefully constructed veneer of calm in place though, and the cracks are already appearing.

Lizzie sighs, beckoning you into the kitchen and flicking the kettle on. You settle yourself on to a stool at the breakfast bar, under the watchful eye of your friend, scrolling through your phone as a distraction.

"Come on Y/N, don't act like everything's okay, you can't hide stuff from me. I know you too well. It's James isn't it?"

You pause, looking up, placing your phone down on the counter and then practically jumping out of your seat when it bleeps with a text notification. It's him. You know without looking.

"We just had a little row that's all, me and James are good."

"If it was so good you wouldn't be miserable all the time..."

She stops as the harsh sound of your phone's ringtone cuts through the air, although the sound isn't what makes her hesitate. It's the look on your face. You're sure of it and you can't hide it. You've just left your boyfriend outside the pub in a rage and for the first time you actually felt scared. His eyes had been cold as ice as he'd spat his fury in your face, his grip claw-like around your throat as he'd pinned you roughly against the wall.

You look down, picking up your phone with shaking hands, answering the call with a meek "hello?"

"You bitch! Where did you go? I wasn't finished talking to you. Where the fuck are you?"

His words make you flinch, like bullets piercing your skin, and you stutter and sob, the sounds you make not even proper words. Suddenly Lizzie darts her hand across the counter, snatching the phone from you and abruptly ending the call. You grasp for it but she holds it out of your reach.

"Y/N, you've got to sort this out. I know it's him. Don't try to deny it. That bastard's making your life hell."

Panic's rising in you as you can picture James's reaction at being cut off. "Lizzie, give me the phone!"

"No way! Just look at yourself!"

You don't need a mirror to know how you look. This sorrowful, mascara-streaked, sobbing version of yourself is all too familiar recently.

"You don't understand! He'll be so mad!" You cry, feeling desperate.

"What's going on?" The male voice is loud and makes you snap your head up in shock.

Lizzie's older brother Larry is suddenly standing there in the kitchen, and as you watch, his friend Van steps through the open kitchen doorway too.

"Jesus! You frightened the life out of me!" Lizzie exclaims. "How long have you pair been skulking around out there for?"

"Long enough to hear Y/N getting all upset," Larry answers, then he turns to you. "Are you okay?"

You sink further down in your seat, studying the floor, surreptitiously wiping at your tears. "Mmm... I'm okay, it's nothing..." you murmur.

You see a pair of black boots come into your field of vision and look up to see that Van has stepped forward. "It didn't sound like nothing," he says.

Van and Larry have been best mates for as long as you can remember, way back before you and Lizzie became friends in the last year of primary school. He's always been around. When you were younger he'd playfully tease you and poke fun at you, but as the years progressed he became less of a hindrance and your friendship grew. He's always been good fun and caring and protective of you, almost like a big brother. Almost.

The past year you've started to see him in a different light. He's not just the fluffy-haired, cheeky lad anymore who teases you about your latest boyfriends and pinches your cigarettes. Since he's formed his band and found his love of music and the girls have started flocking around you've started to feel something else. A certain kind of discomfort when you've been dragged along to band practice by Larry and Van walks in with a girl wrapped around him. A sickly jealous feeling in the back of your throat when you're at a gig and find yourself singing the lyrics that Van's penned about the latest object of his affections.

Van stands there looking at you with a concerned expression, and once again you feel tears brimming in your eyes. You glance around to see that Larry and Lizzie are both doing the same. You don't want to be pitied. You can handle this.

"I said I was fine, okay? If you lot are just gonna hassle me I'm going home!" You shoot out of your seat, wrenching your phone out of Lizzie's hand, making for the back door and the gate, and then the street beyond.

You can hear your name being called but you carry on, head down, gulping huge lungfuls of the cool night air, trying to calm yourself. Your phone rings again and your anxiety spikes as you see James's name in the caller ID. You can't avoid him forever. He'll only get angrier.

"Y/N! Hold up!" The voice rings out just as you're about to connect the call and you whirl around to see Van striding towards you.

"If you've come to give me relationship advice don't bother," you blurt out, then instantly regret it on seeing the look of dismay on Van's face.

"Hey," he holds his hands up in a defensive gesture. "I was just coming to walk you home."

You turn and starting walking, Van falling into step beside you.

"I can manage by myself," you say, your voice coming out harsher than you intend. Poor Van, he's only being kind.

"I'm only looking out for you," he says.

"Shit... I'm sorry," you mumble. "Look, I just had an argument with my boyfriend that's all, that's why I'm in a mood."

Van's quiet for a moment before he replies. "James, isn't it?"

"Uh-huh..."

You glance at Van, see him nod, his lips pursed like he's trying to hold back from saying something. But that's not his style. If there's something to be said, Van certainly isn't one to hold back.

"Y/N, you'll probably say it's none of my business, but I'm gonna say it anyway...."

He pauses and you find yourself tensing, waiting for the lecture you're surely going to receive.

"This James character is bad news. Larry says you're upset all the time these days. Lizzie's been telling him all about how he shouts at you and calls you all sorts and puts you down. You shouldn't put up with it you know."

You scoff at this. "Lizzie's just being dramatic, it's not that bad!"

"Oh really? He's not been roughing you up then?"

You freeze in shock and disbelief and Van comes to a standstill in front of you. "No, of course not!" You protest.

Despite the dark you can make out Van's piercing glare under the streetlight and it makes you feel uncomfortable. He's always had a knack of working you out, knowing when you're lying, but fortunately he doesn't call you out this time. You watch as he closes his eyes for a second, barely perceptibly shaking his head like he's trying to clear an unpleasant image from his mind. Then he sighs under his breath. "Come on love, let's get you home."

You walk in silence for a bit, the sounds of your footsteps and the muted sounds of cars in the distance the only noise. Your mind's buzzing with thoughts, going over and over the argument you had with James tonight, trying to make sense of it. No matter which way you look at it your conclusion is the same. He's jealous and possessive and you're starting to lose a grip on the relationship. He controls you.

You steal a glance at Van, just in time to catch him looking at you, and he smiles this time.

"C'mere Y/N," he says softly, and you feel his arm reach around your shoulder as he pulls you close to him.

You're tiny next to his tall frame and he tucks you into his side, the action making you suck in a breath. It's been a long time since he's done this. It used to be a regular occurrence and you'd think nothing of it. You used to muck around, jabbing him in the ribs whilst he tickled you mercilessly or ruffled your hair. Now the closeness just makes you feel on edge. Back then the feel of his warm body pressed up to yours didn't make your heart race though.

"Miss ya, you know," he says. "Don't see you half as much as I used to. How come you've not been coming to band practice these days?"

"Maybe because I've got good taste in music!" You tease, earning a pretend outraged gasp from Van.

"Guess I walked right into that one!" He chuckles. "Seriously though... you ought to come. Used to love my little fan club cheering me on!"

You smile, remembering carefree evenings spent in Billy's dad's garage. You and Lizzie sitting there sipping beers, giggling at Van getting tangled up in his microphone wire, telling Bob rude jokes, trying to make him blush. Your smile fades though as you recall the last time you went to watch the guys practice, the memories of a pretty, skinny black-haired girl showing up with Van, entwining her limbs around him at every opportunity, shooting you a frosty glare whenever she caught your eyes lingering on him for too long. And of course this was before James came along too.

You try to make light of it. "You don't need me and Lizzie there any more. All those girls hanging around you!"

Van laughs. "You make it sound like we’ve got groupies!"

"I don't think your last girlfriend liked me anyway. She kept giving me the evils!"

"Oh you mean Lisa? Ahh she was okay. Think she was just jealous!"

You wonder if you've heard him right. "Why on earth would she be jealous?"

Van pulls you even tighter into his side, letting out a small laugh. "I guess she always knew you were my best girl, eh?"

You laugh awkwardly, stealing a little glance at Van, knowing he's just playing the friendly big brother act, but inside your heart's pounding and you're just glad it's dark so Van can't see the flush in your cheeks.

You realise you've reached your road and you feel a little twinge of disappointment as you near your house and you know Van's soon going to be leaving you. Suddenly you don't want him to go.

"Got any fags?" You hurriedly say as you come to a stop at your house, and Van pulls away from you, reaching into his jacket pocket. He offers you one and pulls one out the packet for himself.

You both sit down on the brick wall outside your house and he offers you a light. Van sits close with his legs splayed. You gently knock his leg with yours.

"Still smoking those shitty Lambert and Butlers then?" You tease him and he laughs.

"Can't afford those posh ciggies you like," he replies, smirking.

All of a sudden your phone starts ringing, and you hurriedly check the display before muting it and slipping it into your back pocket. You're aware the more you ignore James the worse it will make things for you but you can't answer the call with Van there. You try to ignore the icy cold tendrils of unease that are squirming in your gut and sit, looking forward, aware that Van's watching you. You can see him in your peripheral vision.

"It's him isn't it?" He says quietly.

"I'll call him back."

"What did you argue about tonight?" He wants to know.

You look down, playing with a pebble on the ground with your foot, anything to distract you from looking at Van. "It was silly. There was just some guy in the bar who offered to buy me a drink."

"So that was your fault then?" Van sounds angry.

"He just gets a little jealous, that's all, there’s nothing wrong with that," you reply, automatically jumping to James's defence. It's become second nature now and you hate it but you can't help it.

Van gets to his feet and starts pacing, pushing a hand through his hair. "Guys like that really piss me off. Don't let him control you Y/N."

"He doesn't!" You protest.

"Are you sure? Because I'm not gonna lie. You looked terrified when your phone rang just now."

You look at him then and he's looking right at you, his brow furrowed, his concern evident.

"I'm not scared of him," you say, but your voice wavers, and you know you haven't convinced Van.

He sits back down and suddenly reaches for your hand. "I want you to promise me something Y/N."

His voice is deadly serious and his eyes are locked on yours. You feel slightly uncomfortable by the intensity of his gaze, but don't look away, you just look right back at him, waiting.

"Promise me you'll walk away if he ever hurts you."

Images flash through your head from earlier in the evening and you instinctively reach up and touch your neck with the hand that Van's not holding, remembering the harsh feel of James's hand there. A little shiver runs through you. You can't bring yourself to answer Van so you just nod.

"I mean it." His tone is deadly serious.

You can feel tears stinging your eyes and you try and blink them away.

"Why are you so bothered about it anyway?" You say, trying to keep your voice steady.

Van's next action shocks you. He suddenly releases your hand, both of his hands going to your face and he cups your cheeks, tilting your face up to his.

"Because I care about you Y/N. I don’t want to see you get hurt."

Your heart stutters and you're suddenly flooded with the realisation that all you want him to do is take you in his arms and hold you tight. But it's more than that. You want to kiss him. You want to kiss him until you're breathless and you can't feel your lips anymore. But you don't. He's just a friend and you have a boyfriend. A boyfriend who would probably kill you if he could see you right now.

You pull away almost guiltily and jump down from the wall, glancing down to hide the furious blush that's painting your cheeks.

"I'm gonna be okay Van," you mumble as you start towards your house, then you turn to face him when you reach the door. "You honestly don't need to worry. Things are gonna get better. I just know it."

But things don't get better. They get worse...

[writingformadderton]

Still

Ship: Madderton

Word Count: 9019

Summary: Rich and T had been in different countries for a while now, both dealing with it differently. One night those differences lead to terrible mistake of Richard who regrets it deeply, but Taron isn’t able to forgive him just yet...

Additional Tags: tw: mention of panic attacks, breakup, cheating, Elton, angst, fluff

Requested via chat by: @queenmerabby

Kinda based on the songs “Bend the rules”, “Dear Patience” and “Still” by Niall Horan

------

Taron missed Richard with his whole heart. He hated being away from him and not having him right by his side. But Richard had to work in Los Angeles, on the other side of the ocean. Taron has a job in London right now, able to work from home and usually he loves that.

But coming home tiredly after a long day with no one who greets him, wraps him in a tight hug and helps him to shower before crashing in bed and not the other way around is horrible. Without Richard, Taron came home late and often fell asleep on the sofa, his dinner on the table only half eaten, and wakes up late remembering he still has to get a shower. It was a mess and he hates it.

It was never easy for Taron to be parted because he missed Richard so much that it hurt. He was needy for his cuddles, he missed his voice, his laugh and their lazy days. He missed fooling around with him, dancing through the living room late at night and exchanging cheesy nonsense. And the worst thing was that Taron missed being self-confident without him. T was in constant need of reassurance and getting told he did nothing wrong when something didn't go as it should have.

He steps out of the shower and looks at the clock seeing that it's already 4am. Taron groans and quickly rubs his hair with a towel looking down at his phone. It was 8pm now in LA, he could give it a go and try to reach Richard.

Richard looks up confused when he hears Tarons signature melody ringing. He grabs his phone and takes the call. "Hey." he says.

"Hey." T says and makes himself comfortable in bed.

"You're alright?" Richard asks startled as he calculated the time difference. "You should be sleeping, T, it's 4am." he chuckles softly.

"Yeah, I know." T sighs and rubs his face. "I'm just missing you, I guess."

Rich smiles at that and can imagine him cuddled up in bed. "I miss you too." he says. Hearing how tiny and tired Tarons voice sounded wrenched his heart. "You wanna talk until you fall asleep?" he offers.

"I don't wanna distract you from what you're doing. Just wanted to say hi." Taron admits and rolls onto his side looking at Richard's empty side of the bed.

Richard leans back in the sofa and shakes his head. "You're my boyfriend, bubs, I always have time for you." Richard insists and hears T chuckling.

"How long until you're back?" Taron asks and curses at himself. He keeps on forgetting it.

"A week and then I'll be home for two weeks before going back." Richard states and smiles a bit. That was so typically Taron, forgetting this stuff.

"Phew still a week." he groans and rolls onto his back. Richard was already gone for three months. "Greet your mate Max from me, yeah?"

"I will." Rich says smirking. He moved in with his former roommate from college again when he got told he'd have to work for quite some time in Los Angeles. His friend just grinned and said he can stay with him.

They keep on talking until Taron fell asleep and Richard keeps his phone close on speaker for another few minutes, making sure he really is asleep, before ending the call.

 -

Taron's alarm blasts through their apartment at 6:30 am. He whines softly and reaches out for his phone growling. This would be such a shitty day.

He gets up slowly, his world is spinning as he stumbles over to the bathroom. Taron turns the shower cold, shivering underneath it but feeling himself getting a bit more awake. He texts Richard a sweet message and gets one back pretty soon.

Downstairs in the kitchen, he makes some coffee and curses as the cup falls down, making his clothes and the floor full of it. Taron quickly cleans up the mess, makes a new one and rushes back to the bedroom to get some new clothes, throwing the other ones onto the floor in the bathroom. He was late and had to deal with that later. Back in the kitchen he burns his tongue with the hot coffee and whines. "Fuck!" he growls.

His day continues being as shitty as it started. He messes up a scene, forgets his lines and destroys a costume during the shoot. Driving home he gets stuck in traffic and he just wants to cry, frustration welling up.

Stepping inside their apartment he wants to do nothing more than hide in Richard's arms and have a good cry. When he realizes he'll be on his own again, he feels the tears falling down his cheeks and he just falls into his bed. Reaching for his phone he dials Richard's number but gets disappointed when he doesn't take the call.

Almost three hours later Richard calls him back. "Hey, sorry, luv. I was attending to a dinner and then we went to a bar, didn't hear my phone."

"S'alright." T says and stares out of the window. "Why were you having a dinner at 3pm?!" he asks confused.

"Don't ask me, they set it then." Rich chuckles. "Why are you still up? It's already 2am again, you're gonna be wrecked tomorrow."

"I already am." T sighs and bites his lower lip. "I had a really shitty day and wanted to talk to you about it."

"I'm sorry I missed your call." Richard apologizes and presses his other ear closed, the music blasting through the bar. "You're better now?"

"Not really." Taron says and feels himself getting slightly irritated. What the heck was Rich doing that he seemed so absent, normally he didn't even had to explain it and Richard could hear it in his voice.

"I'd love to talk to you about it but Max is so fucking drunk right now, I have to get him back to the apartment." Rich says and sees Max stumbling towards him.

"At 6pm, congrats." Taron scoffs and rolls his eyes.

"Jus' let me help him sober up and I'll talk to you tomorrow when I can fully focus on you."

"Oh sure, fine." he says annoyed.

"Come on, don't be mad now. I promise I'll call you and-." he stops himself when Max stands close in front of him.

Taron’s eyes widen when he can hear a sound that definitely shouldn't leave Richards lips as long as he wasn't around him. Rich moans and he can clearly hear someone kissing. "Rich-." and then the call ends. What the fuck did just happen?

 -

Richard doesn't call him the next day, too caught up in thoughts about what he did. How should he ever tell Taron that? After three days, he hasn’t heard anything from T and decides to call him. Taron takes it after a while and doesn't say anything. "Hey, how are you?"

"Seriously?" he asks and stops to search his keys in his pocket.

"Yeah?" Rich asks slowly. He knows what he did, he knows he fucked up with not calling him.

"After three days you call me, when you promised me to call me on the next day. And then you're just asking how I am? What the fuck, Rich?" Taron spits out annoyed and turns around the key, slamming the door behind him aggressively.

"T, I'm so sorry. I was…I’m sorry, love. Really." he says and rubs his face. Fuck.

"Yeah whatever." Taron just says and kicks off his shoes. "At least one of us can afford to get drunk at 6pm."

"Hey, come on, I wasn’t drunk!" Rich protests. "You know I'm working my ass off and it was just one evening. I was out, not drunk."

"Mm." T hums and rolls his eyes. "Hope you had fun." and with that he ends the call and bites his lower lip. He was clearly hurt by Richard’s behavior and especially because of the end of the call, he still doesn't know what happened.

 -

Two days later, Richard comes home with mixed up feelings. He was looking forward to be back home and spend some time with his boyfriend, but he wasn't sure if Taron would be happy to see him. Especially not when he’d share the news of what he did.

Walking around in the apartment, he figures that Taron wasn't here and he sighs a bit at the mess. Some dirty dishes in the kitchen, some laundry on the floor in the bathroom and his script all over the living room floor. "Jesus, T." he sighs annoyed and starts cleaning up the mess.

When Taron comes back home later in the day, Richard gets confronted with how shitty he was feeling for the first time. He has dark circles underneath his eyes, is pale and his eyes are reddish. His hair is a mess and he looks immensely tired. Probably lost some weight. "Hey." he says low voiced.

"Hey." Taron mumbles and avoids his look.

No enthusiastic and excited greeting then. Richard sighs a little and steps closer to him. "You're okay?" Taron just shakes his head and stares down at the floor. "Come on, T." Rich says and carefully lifts his head by placing his fingers underneath his chin. He sees the tears in his eyes and bites his lip. "What's wrong?"

"I'm just fucking tired. Of everything." he says and shrugs his shoulders. "I'm tired of sleepless nights, messed up shoot, being alone and you pissing me off."

"Listen, I'm sorry because of what happened but you can't keep on being mad at me because of that." Richard sighs.

"Oh, can't I?" he asks and lets out a dark laugh.

"Seriously, you're behaving like a child now." he growls and rolls his eyes. "Yes I was out and couldn’t be there for you properly. But you've been that way as well before."

"But not when you needed me!" Taron bursts out.

"You want me to be mad at you for not cleaning up your mess as well now? Because that's the exact same nonsense." Rich answers pissed. He didn’t want to imagine how pissed Taron would be later.

"My mess." Taron nods slowly. "You mean the laundry that was too less to put into the machine and the script I was working on in the living room?"

"Forgot the dishes." Rich adds.

Taron shakes his head at him and walks past by him. "Seriously, fuck off! I was working all day and then falling into bed at 11pm just to have a sleepless night and get up after two hours of sleep again." T gets himself a glass of water in the kitchen. "I don't have the time to get drunk and have fun and I don't have time to clean everything up. I barely have time for myself at the moment." he spits out sour.

Richard leans in the door frame and folds his arms in front of his chest. "I wasn’t drunk, I can only repeat myself. So what’s going on?”

"What?"

"Seriously, what's wrong? I know you're having a hard time but putting that shit on me isn't fair. Being overworked and overwhelmed doesn't justify being harsh to me now." Richard states and watches him with cold blue eyes. "So what the fuck made you that upset, because you don't have to tell me it was me taking care of my mate?"

“Taking care of him, yeah that’s one way to put it.” he spits out sourly and Richard swallows hard. Taron looks down at the floor for a moment and it gets very quiet in the kitchen. "You're sleeping with him?"

"What?" Richard asks quietly.

"You heard me." T sighs. "The more time you were there the less you cared about me."

Richard watches him for a moment. “He’s a friend.” he says, which wasn’t a lie. Max was a friend.

"Fine." Taron says and shrugs his shoulders. "Then please tell me why kissing him made you moan so satisfied. Tell me why you're kissing him while you're having me on the phone." his voice is shaking hard now and he feels tears burning in his eyes. Richard says nothing and just watches him.  "That's an answer too." he whispers and nods slowly.

Richard rubs his face and groans. “I…I did something dumb.”

Taron looks at him and his stomach twists in pain. Did he really-? Panic settles in and all the past weeks come back to him, overwhelm him and he feels his chest getting tight. "Tell me you didn’t do that.” he whispers.

“I’m- Taron…I didn’t want to…” he searches for words but knows nothing will justify what he did. Nothing.

"You fucking asshole.” Taron presses out, tears spilling down his cheeks and he sees Richard’s eyes filling with tears. “Get out. Right now, I don’t wanna hear anything about it.”

“Taron, please, let me-.” he tries.

Taron sinks down on the stairs and buries his face in his hands. “Get the fuck out of here before I lose my mind.” he presses out and exhales shakily. He hears Richard leaving after a moment and presses his hand in front of his mouth. The panic takes over and he starts sobbing trying to calm down but he simply can't. It was over. Richard cheated on him and he doesn’t know why. What did he do wrong?

 -

Taron gets up groaning and turns off his alarm. He gets underneath the shower, drinks his coffee and drives to work. He arrives on set, gets into his costume and then has to sit in the make-up trailer for a while. They need to cover up the dark patches underneath his eyes, his cheeks that are irritated from all the tears and cover his wound nose. He feels as awful as he looks, and he can’t believe he’s been doing this for weeks now.

It’s almost two months after their break-up and Taron is completely messed up. He couldn’t sleep, ate way too less and forgot to drink water most of the time. He tries to concentrate on his job, knowing shooting this film is the only purpose he has right now. Richard and Taron haven’t talked since the day after their fight when they broke up. Not a single word from him.

But the issue that comes with dating an actor is that he’s in the eye of the public constantly. Wherever Taron goes, it seems like Richard never leaves his side. He sees him on the movie posters, in advertisements, and it seems like he can’t get away from him. Like a constant reminder that they fucked up and weren’t together anymore.

“How are you feeling?” his stylist asks him with a compassionate smile.

Taron just smirks a bit and shrugs his shoulders. “I’m alright.”

“You know we’re worried about you.” she says as she styles his hair. “You look terribly pale and messed up.”

“I am.” Taron agrees and nods slowly avoiding looking at himself in the mirror. It would only face him with the harsh reality once more.

“Taron, everyone would understand if you’d take a break, you know.” she says carefully, not knowing how he would react.

“I’m nothing without my job at the moment but thank you.” he says and smiles at her bravely.

“Just be careful, eat something, drink and sleep enough.” she answers and finishes his look. “I bet Richard feels the same way.”

“I doubt that.” he just says. It was him that broke up, not Richard. It was him who refused to talk about it and just wanted his peace and be alone figuring things out. If he had only known how much he would regret that.

“You wanna see it?” she asks and he raises his eyebrows as she gets out her phone.

 -

Richard is on his press tour at the moment and he hates it. Most of the people aren’t asking him stuff about the movie, the shooting process or anything about the chemistry on set. They are asking him about Taron, why they haven’t been seen so much together anymore for almost half a year now since he left for shooting. They ask about a possible break-up, the reasons for that or other reasons that they don’t spend time together.

Rich tries to stay polite, telling them he won’t talk about it, he doesn’t wanna answer it. But deep inside, the wounds get ripped open over and over again. Every time he thinks he healed a bit, they tear down his walls, rip him open and make him bleed again. Every time he realizes once more what he did and how he destroyed them.

He hopes so bad that today it will be different. The first half an hour it is and he’s glad about it, relaxing and opening up. But then it comes.

“Your boyfriend Taron hasn’t been seen for a while on your side now. Are you still together?” a interviewer asks him and he bites back a groan.

“I don’t know why anyone besides him and me should know that.” he simply answers.

“Why haven’t you been together recently?”

“Work.” Rich simply says and looks down at his hands annoyed. Just shut the fuck up, he thinks to himself.

“Any comment on-?”

Richard waves him off and shakes his head. “Is there anyone who has questions that are not about Taron but about why we are actually here?” he asks and looks around. No one answers. “Great, then we’re done.” he says and gets up leaving the room quickly.

 -

“When was that?” Taron asks startled and looks at her after watching the short clip from the press conference.

“Yesterday.” she answers. “You see, you’re not the only one who’s suffering.” she softly pats his back.

Taron gets up nodding and takes a deep breath. “Alright, I’ll have to work.” he says, his voice slightly shaking. Outside he rubs his face tiredly and groans. Richard looked tired and not really present with his thoughts. He takes out his phone and considers texting him but decides against it. He has his own shit to deal with.

 -

Richard opens the door to Brandon’s apartment and kicks off his shoes frustrated. Richard had to return for work to Los Angeles and decided to stay with his dear friend, not wanting to return to Max. He walks into the living room and falls down onto the sofa next to him, resting his head on his shoulder.

“Rough day?”

“Mm, I’m sick of this press tour.” he mumbles and closes his eyes.

“I’m sorry, mate. They’ll stop sooner or later.” Brandon assures him and fondles his shoulder comfortingly.

“I just want them to shut up and stop throwing his name at me over and over again. It’s gonna drive me crazy one day.” Richard groans and shakes his head frustrated. “Sometimes I hate my job so much.”

“We all do.” he sighs.

 -

Taron presses the doorbell anxiously and seesaws on his toes. Elton invited him over this afternoon to catch up a bit and get his head off of the things going on. David opens the door and greets him with a hug, then their boys come and greet him happily.

Elton takes him with him onto the balcony and they sit down in the sun. He watches the younger man in front of him and realizes he is in a really bad place and an even worse state of mind. “How are you?”

“I’m alright.” Taron says and realizes how monotone this answer became for him. Just say you’re alright and people won’t ask more.

“Be honest with me.” Elton says seriously with a compassionate smile. “I can see you’re far from alright.”

Taron laughs weakly and nods slowly. “I’m trying, Elton.” he leans back in the chair and tries to avoid Elton’s knowing and observant look.

“When was the last time you ate?” he asks suddenly.

Taron gets a bit surprised by the question and thinks about it. Yeah, when did he eat something? God, that must have been two days ago or so. “I don’t know honestly.” he admits and scratches his neck embarrassed.

Elton gets up and comes back with some sandwiches and water. “You should seriously drink and eat something.”

They sit there in silence, eating their sandwich and drinking nothing but water. Taron stares onto his knees and can’t believe he didn’t eat for whole two days. And his last meal must have been a forced one, going for lunch with the crew on set.

“Listen, mate, how are you really? Because you look like shit, I’m sorry, and you lost some weight.” Elton says.

Taron looks at him stunned, once more surprised how he could balance his honesty and compassion that good. He bites his lower lip and looks down at the glass of water he's holding tightly. "How am I?" he lets out a long deep breath and looks up at him. "If I'm being honest I don't feel like myself lately. It seems like I'm living in a bubble, getting up, taking a shower, working till late at night on set, going home, repeat." he braces his head on his hand and stares down into the water glass. "I feel sick because I know he's missing in my life. And when I come back home I just really wanna have him near and then I remember he isn't." Taron sighs. "Which leads to me crying my eyes out usually. I wonder if I ever won't have enough tears to cry anymore." he giggles softly and shakes his head. "I feel awful."

"That's what I was thinking. You don't have to pretend to be alright, Taron. No one will judge you for feeling bad." Elton assures him.

T tucks his legs up and nods slowly. "It's been almost two months now, you know. I should move on and -." he cuts himself off when his voice starts shaking. Not that shit again.

"And you two have been together for five years before." Elton says and sees tears welling up in Tarons eyes. "You two were happy and no one gets over that in only two months. You think it would have been real then?"

"No." he admits and blinks. Was it really real though? With Richard cheating on him he wasn’t so sure anymore.

"Taron, darling, it's okay to feel bad about it. It really is. And you don't have to go through it alone." Elton leans forward and pats his knee lovingly. "David and I talked about it and we would offer you to stay here with us and the boys. So I can keep an eye on you and you wouldn't be alone." he states and sees Tarons face soften.

"That's really sweet." he answers and smiles at him. "But I wanna finish this film before, it's only one week left." he explains and looks back at him. "But I would love to take your offer after it."

"That's a deal then." Elton says and nods satisfied. "But you'll have to promise me to take care of yourself until then."

"I will." he says with a brave smile.

 -

But, Taron goes on as before and feels himself getting more miserable and weaker as days pass by. He knows he should stop working so hard and get some sleep. He knows he needs some proper food and drink enough. But it simply doesn't work and on Friday Taron stumbles onto set, feeling like shit.

He nearly falls down as he steps inside and can hold himself up in the last second. His stylist watches him suspiciously but decides to say nothing.

Taron sinks into the chair and bites his lower lip nervously. He felt sick, his body was screaming at him suffering from the hunger, and his stomach was aching in cramps.

When they’re done, T gets up and feels his body getting hot. He gets dizzy and his world starts spinning, the sickness increases and there's a loud high tone in his ears. Taron feels like throwing up and stumbles towards the bathroom.

The next thing he can remember is waking up next to his stylist on the floor. He groans and presses his eyes shut, his dizziness still present. "What happened?" he groans.

"You just passed out." she explains and puts her phone aside. "Stay down, I've called an ambulance." she says firmly and pushes him back down. "God, T, you really need to take care of yourself."

"Yeah, I'm sorry." he apologizes and growls softly as she helps him resting his head on her knees.

 -

Taron stares at the ceiling bored before his eyes wander back to the IV that's stuck in his hand. The diagnosis was easy to make, he’s malnourished. Combined with too little sleep and emotional downs, it was predictable that his body would give up one day.

He had told his mum and Elton who both told him to rest and get better. Now he's bored, his busy life suddenly stopped and he doesn't know what to do with himself. "That's exactly the reason why I needed my work." he groans and rubs his face tiredly. He turns onto his side and suddenly the IV starts beeping loudly. "Fuck!" he curses and presses the button to call the nurse. She comes in laughing and he contorts his face. "I'm so sorry!"

"It's alright." she says and unwinds everything again before leaving.

Suddenly his phone buzzes and he can't believe seeing it's from Richard.

 Hey, I heard you passed out on set today. Hope you're feeling better now and can get some rest.... Take care, okay? - Rich

Doing my best, thanks for checking up on me. - T

He thinks for a moment before deciding to type more.

I'm sorry about the press stuff, must be annoying. - T

It is, but I'll get through it. - Rich

 Taron smiles a bit and puts his phone aside. His smile fades when he remembers that Richard was just being polite and it still was over between them. He pulled the blanket up to his face and closed his eyes. Just try to relax, you'll be okay one day.

- 

Richard puts his phone aside letting out a deep breath. Texting Taron had been a risk and he didn't know how he would react to it. He had been biting his lip nervously as soon as he sent him the text message. Fortunately, it went well.

Even though this short exchange only made him think about Taron intensely again. Thinking about them as a couple and having such lovely and happy times. Everything went down to shit and both of them knew who was to blame for it. At least there they had the same opinion.

When Taron told him he wanted to break up, it was a shock and felt like he stabbed him right into his chest. His brain tried to proceed the information it just got but he couldn't come up with a better answer than "If you think so." which made Taron only angrier and more upset than he already was. It made him look like he didn't even care and that felt even worse for himself afterwards. Of course he would break up.

He sighs and rubs his face tiredly. Imagining Taron in hospital, probably connected to an IV, scared him. He never liked seeing him feeling miserable or being sick when he wasn't around the whole time. Richard was the type of person that becomes overprotective then. How should he be able to focus on everything going on at the moment now?

Richard grabs his drink and downs it in one gulp, contorting his face as the alcohol burns in his throat. He stares at the glass in his hand and wonders how much of them he had over the past two months. It became his way to cope with everything.

 -

In the evening, he finds himself in a nightclub, the music blasting into his ears, his head spinning from all the drinks he had. If he was totally honest with himself he hated being drunk. He missed Taron, who always kept it at a good level for both of them.

And as usually he feels himself getting touchy with all the alcohol in his veins. It never had been different and ended quite messy sometimes with Taron. But now he wasn’t here and even though the sane part of his brain screams at him not to do it, he gives in when some random guy approaches him and starts flirting.

But Richard is lonely, needy for some company and this time he wanted to get his head off Taron. The time with Max he was just tensed up and needed something steady. He finds himself in a corner of the room, kissing the guy, sooner than he expected. Rich tastes his lips and moans at the contact, pressing himself close to him. He totally blends out the rest of the world and it doesn’t matter until he’s pressed against the bathroom wall. When the strangers hand wanders down between them Richard opens his eyes again and suddenly it hits him. What the fuck was he doing?

“Okay, stop.” he says and stops him carefully.

The man in front of him just smirks and shrugs his shoulder. “We already gave them enough.”

“What?” he asks confused and rubs his face trying to understand what he means.

He leans in and whispers into his ear, “All they wanted was a kiss so they could finally publish the headline that you’re not in a relationship anymore.” He pulls back and grins. “Have a nice evening.”

Richard feels himself getting sick and his world starts turning. He barely recognizes him leaving the room and sinks down. “Fuck.” he breathes out and tears are welling up in his eyes. Without fully realizing what he’s doing he pulls out his phone and dials Taron’s number.

 -

Taron wakes up confused when he hears his phone ringing and once more he’s glad he’s having a room for himself. Especially when he sees that it’s Richard. He thinks for a moment and decides to take the call. “Richard?” he asks and his voice sounds raspy, it’s 5am.

“Taron, I just did something stupid.” Richard says and his voice is shaking heavy.

Taron can hear the anxiety in his voice and his stomach twists. “What happened?” he asks worried.

Rich takes a deep breath and bites his lower lip. “I’m sorry, I’m such an idiot and I wanted to tell you before someone else does.”

“That you’re an idiot?” Taron asks confused and frowns. “Are you drunk?”

“No-yes. But that’s not the problem.” he says and leans back in the seat of his car.

The Welsh sits up in his bed and puts the pillows against the headboard so he can lean against them. “Okay, calm down, where are you?”

“Right now I’m in my car.” Richard answers and takes another deep breath to calm himself down.

“Driving?” Rich mumbles a no and T nods. “Okay. So, what’s going on?” And then he hears Richard sniffing and his heart wrenches at that sound. “Rich?”

“I’m so sorry for everything, T. I know I messed everything up and-.” he swallows hard as the tears start making their way down his cheeks. “And I know I did some shit that hurt you.”

Taron stares up at the ceiling and bites his lower lip hard, trying to stop himself from crying. Richard sounded completely messed up. “Richard, it’s not only your fault and-.”

“Yes it is, Taron.” Richard says and shakes his head. “We promised each other to keep our breakup between us, right?”

“What did you do?” he asks and his voice shakes now as well. Did he expose them to the public now, did he break under the pressure?

“There was this guy.” he starts and hears Taron sucking in air sharply. “A-and then he kissed me and-T I could lie to you and tell you that he was forcing me, but I couldn’t stop myself as well.” A quiet sob leaves his lips.

“And then?” Taron’s voice is cold and sharp now.

“Well he guided me into the bathroom and-.”

“If you’re trying to tell me that you just fucked a random guy in a club’s bathroom and got caught then just say yes and I’ll end the call.” he presses out through tears. “Because I seriously don’t wanna listen to that after what you did a couple months ago.”

“No, Taron, I didn’t.” Richard says quickly and he can hear Taron exhaling relieved. “But when we got there I told him to stop and he just let go off me and grinned at me.”

“Yeah?”

Richard can’t bite back a sob now and buries his face in his hand. “He was getting paid to involve me in a kiss so they could get some pictures and prove that our relationship is over.” Taron remains silent after that and Richard’s heart starts racing. He really messed up now.

“I guess I can’t blame you for that.” Taron admits after a while and stares at his blanket feeling hot tears running down his cheeks. “It’s not like I didn’t kiss other guys to forget you.” Rich swallows hard at that and nods slowly. “Please get home now, get some sleep. We can’t change it anyways, but I appreciate your honesty.”

“Taron, I’m so sorry.”

“Just shut up.” T growls tiredly and shakes his head. “Get some sleep, Richie.” he says, way softer than he wants to, and ends the call.

Richard stares at his phone and sinks his head onto his steering wheel. Fuck.

 -

A few days later he barely gets down his breakfast and suddenly Brandon races in and shows him his phone. “Richard!”

“I know, I know, okay?” he sighs and rubs his face frustrated. “I was kissing him and it was stupid.”

“No, I didn’t mean that.” he says and hands him over the phone.

Richard reads the headline and squirms a bit in his seat. ‘Taron Egerton opening up about the rough breakup between him and his former boyfriend Richard Madden.’ “I don’t think that I wanna read this.” Rich admits and stares down at the table.

“No, Richard, I don’t think Taron really said those things. That’s why I’m showing you this.” Brandon says and hands him his phone. He wouldn’t show such thing to Rich if it was real.

Richard starts reading it and raises his eyebrows surprised. ‘Richard always has been a cheater, so this didn’t really surprise me’, with the picture of Rich and this guy underneath. ‘I loved him, but he broke up with me.’, ‘He hated not being my center of focus when I was working on set.’.

He puts the phone aside and somewhere deep down he knows Taron wouldn’t say such things but they hurt him anyway. “Thanks.” he just mumbles and abandons the rest of his breakfast. “I need a minute.”

Richard steps out on the balcony and lights himself a cigarette. He inhales deeply and tries to calm down and keep his breakfast in. His phone rings and he sees a message of Taron.

I did never say this shit, I swear. I got out of hospital yesterday evening, I didn’t even have time for an interview. – Taron

It’s okay. – Richard

Elton said he’ll kill them. – Taron

Good luck then. – Richard

He puts his phone aside and shakes his head, not believing to what a shit show his life turned over the last six months. How should he ever be able to erase what he did and get Taron back? He needed him so bad and he just wants to curl up in his arm, listening to him whispering cute shit in Welsh.

A bit later he finds himself in his room, biting on a pen and staring at the blank piece of paper in front of him. Talking made him emotional, texting was to emotionless, so he settled on writing a letter.

 -

“Taron! There’s a letter for you.” Elton says and waves with it towards Taron who’s on the balcony getting some fresh air and playing with Elton’s sons.

“Really? From who?” he says and doesn’t really pay attention until he hears it.

“Richard.”

Taron looks up quickly and studies Elton’s face trying to find out if he’s mocking him. But he sees no sign for that and so he apologizes to the boys and gets up taking it. “I’ll go and get some space then, if that’s alright.”

“Sure, go on. I’ll be here if you need me.” he says and Taron smiles thankfully walking away slowly.

But as soon as he’s around the corner he races upstairs to his bedroom and locks the door behind him quickly. He doesn’t know what to expect from this letter it could be everything.

 Dear Taron,

I could have told you all of that in an audio or send you a text message. But I guess we always preferred being old-fashioned sometimes, which is why I decided to write you a letter.

I could blame you or tell myself it wasn't my fault, but there's no use to do so. Because I know I would be lying to myself. You had and have every right to be disappointed by me and be mad at me. I fucked up. Not only because I wasn’t there when you needed me and then making a promise and not keeping it, but also because of the other thing I did.

It's been creeping back into my head quite often since you broke up with me and I haven't been able to push it aside so far. I've done something I would have never thought being possible, which is why I can’t fully realize it now.

I really don't know why it happened and I feel so bad about it. Max and I talked about it and we both have no feelings for each other, we never had. I'm really sorry and I would totally understand it if you won't forgive me.

Taron, I really tried to forget it and pretend it never happened, but then you passed out and everything came back to me. And then I pulled this stupid stunt, kissing this guy, which lead to exposing our breakup and this stupid fake interview with you. I’m so embarrassed for what happened that night and that I made you suffer. Again.

 Taron stops reading and stares out of the window for a couple of minutes. Richard cheated on him, probably lonely and when someone wanted him he gave in, and he knew he did it while they were in their happy and supportive relationship. Not afterwards, like with this idiot, when those things didn’t matter anymore. Where did they go wrong? He thinks about putting it aside and not reading one word more, afraid of what else might come to the surface. But Richard was telling him the truth here, opening up, it would be more than unfair to just ignore that. He blinks away the tears and continues reading.

He stares down at the letter in his hands and tries to make out the words on the paper, his watering eyes not making it easy. Hot tears fall down his cheeks and he covers his mouth with one hand, trying to stop any sound from coming out. He puts the letter aside and gets up to unlock the door again, not wanting to worry anyone before stumbling back to bed. He covers himself with the blanket and starts crying into his pillow.

Taron knew something happened back then between those two, but he tried to convince himself it hasn't been that way. All the time he tried to tell himself that they maybe just shared steamy kisses. It hurts even more now to get told it really did happen.

After a while, Elton checks up on him and finds him in bed, curled up, tears still rolling down his cheeks, quiet sobs leaving his lips. He sits down at the edge of the bed and rubs his arm comforting. "Just let it out, that's more than necessary."

"He really did it." Taron just mumbles.

"Did what?"

"Sleep with him. He slept with Max while we were still together." Taron presses out and sniffs. "I can't believe he really did it. I-I tried to tell myself they just…"

"Was he confessing it to you?" Elton asks gently and T nods.

"I couldn't finish reading it. I just couldn't." he says and sits up sighing. He must look like a pathetic mess to his dear friend.

"Take your time." he tells him and gives him a compassionate smile.

 -

A week later he gets back to work, knowing he still has to finish the film after he spent the last three shooting days in hospital. He's in a better mood, looking healthier. Staying with Elton does him good, he needs someone looking after him. When he feels bad he just doesn't care about things like eating, taking proper care of himself or sleeping. With Rich by his side it never had been a problem because he reminded him, guided him through the day.

He talks to his stylist and jokes around, she notices the change and says she's happy to have him back.

After lunch break he steps into the make-up trailer and sees her serious look. "What's wrong?"

"Richard broke down during a press conference." she says slowly and sees his eyes widen in shock.

"How do you mean ‘broke down’?" he asks quietly.

"Panic attack." she just mumbles and Taron curses.

“Thank you for telling me.” he says and she nods quickly.

They get him ready for the next scene and Taron gives his best to stay concentrated. He’s glad when he’s done and on his way back to Elton’s place. Taron tells Elton what his stylist told him and his friend watches him observantly. “What are you gonna do now?”

“I don’t know.” Taron mumbles and tucks his legs up on the sofa. “I really don’t know.” Elton remains silent and his thoughts are racing. “Should I call him and check up on him?”

“Maybe you should. But maybe you should finish reading the letter he sent you first.” Elton suggests carefully. He doesn’t want to push Taron into anything.

“Yeah, probably.” T mumbles and excuses himself, going upstairs. He gets the letter and sits down on bed searching the line where he stopped reading. After a few moments he found it and sees the letter still has some paragraphs to read for him.

 I haven’t been doing very well lately regarding my mental health, I feel like my head is completely fucked up. I miss you steadying me and helping me to focus and not to worry about all the nonsense. I realized once more how much I need you to stay sane in this world. And I realized that I destroyed everything we had.

Telling you the truth and being honest with you, was very difficult for me, because I knew I would hurt you. And it was never my intention to hurt you.

Thinking about the way we are right now scares me, thinking of the possibility we may never be able to speak to each other again.

When you passed out I was panicking, because I wouldn’t be able to help you or just hold you in my arms and tell you everything would be okay again. You are still so important to me and I don’t think that this will ever change.

And now that I’m pouring you my heart out and finally being honest, I’ll have to tell you another thing. The truth is, I am still in love with you.

I don’t know if we’ll ever be the same again or if you’ll ever forgive me. And if you don’t, who could blame you for it? It just kills me to think we have to stay this way and I’d love to talk to you again one day in person about everything.

I can only repeat myself, I’m so sorry for the shit I did.

I love you,

Rich

 Taron can’t hide a little smile at that second part of the letter and his heart beats a bit faster. His fingers strokes over the little ‘I love you, Rich’ at the end, something he has seen on several little notes before. He rubs his face and gets up quickly walking downstairs to Elton. “I won’t call him.” he says.

“That bad?”

“No, I’ll do something else but I’d like to hear your opinion on it.” Taron states and hands him the letter. “And I’d like you to read it before I tell you.”

“Are you sure? I don’t have to, it can stay between you two.” he offers but Taron shakes his head.

“I am sure.”

Elton nods and takes the letter reading it. When he’s done he looks at Taron and smiles a bit. “He seems to be just as fucked up as you are.” Taron just giggles at that. “But he apologized and I think he’s feeling really bad about himself. And obviously, still loves you.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, the second page of the letter shows how much he needs you and wants you back. He’s hoping on a reunion but he’s giving you the time, space and choice to do so.” Elton states. “So, what exactly was your plan?”

 -

Taron steps out of the airport and gets into the next cab. He doesn’t have much with him, only a little suitcase, he isn’t really planning on staying long. Giving the driver the address to his hotel he leans back in his seat and looks out of the window. He’s nervous, as always when he is in Los Angeles, still not thinking he belongs here.

After getting to his room and taking a shower he dresses up and leaves it. He knows exactly where he wants to go.

Pressing the doorbell he seesaws on his toes nervously and then the doors open. He looks into a pair of brown eyes and swallows down his hurt and anger. “Hey. Is…Richard here?”

Max shakes his head. “No…He’s with a friend.”

“Brandon?” Taron asks and Max nods. “Thanks.” he nods and turns around. He had nothing to do here.

“I’m sorry for what happened, it wasn’t okay what I did. I asked him to…” he says and Taron just shakes his head.

“Whatever.” he quickly walks down the stairs and drives to Brandon’s place hoping it was still the right address. He pressed the doorbell anxiously.

“Oh…Hey.” Brandon says slowly and leans against the doorframe. “Looking for Richard, I guess?”

“Hey…Yes, is he here?” Taron asks nervously, Brandon shakes his head. “Okay, can you tell him I was here and wanted to talk to him?”

Brandon watches him observantly for a moment. “I’m sorry for what happened, he told me about it.” T just nods. “If you’re here to tell Richard he messed up, then please just don’t. He’s in an awful state at the moment and he already knows he messed up.”

“I’m not here to tell him such thing.” Taron shakes his head sighing softly. “I wanna talk to him about something he sent me.”

“Okay.” he nodded relieved.

“Is he still not here?” Taron asks and raises his eyebrows, seeing the way Brandon pulled the door a bit closed behind himself.

“He isn’t, just don’t want Charlie to run out of the apartment.” he chuckles realizing his mistake.

“Okay, then I’ll come by later, maybe?” Taron says and Brandon nods, they exchange their goodbyes. He walks towards the stairs and takes the first steps.

“Taron!” Brandon stops him and holds up a little card. “He’s there, finished in twenty minutes.”

Taron looks at it and raises his eyebrows surprised. “Therapy?”

“Yeah.” Brandon says and nods slowly. “I’m really not in the position to ask you this but please be nice to him, he’s messed up.”

“I will be.” Taron assures him with a smile and thanks him.

 -

Richard steps out of the office and puts on his jacket. He feels kind of relieved, but also agitated. Talking about him and Taron was never easy for him. When he walks down the stairs he gets slower seeing him leaning against the wall.

“Hey.” Taron says, softly and watches him closely. Richard looks tired, is pale and his hair is a bit of a mess.

“What are you doing here?” he asks carefully, preparing himself to hear once more how he destroyed everything. What a fucking idiot he was and how he ruined five years of love.

“Wanted to see you.”

“Well, here I am.” Rich says and walks down the rest of the stairs. He needs some fresh air right now and walks past by him towards the door.

“I got your letter.” Taron speaks carefully and sees him stopping in his movements. “The first part made me cry, not gonna lie. I didn’t read more for about a week.” Richard looks up and glances at him now. “But when I heard about your panic attack I read the rest.”

“What are you doing here?” he asks again and Taron can hear the fear in his voice.

He takes a step forward and carefully grabs Richard’s hand, who looks down at them. “Listen, you hurt me, a lot, but you were honest to me. I don’t want you to feel bad about it for the rest of your life.” he says and sees him biting his lower lip nervously. “I didn’t come here to be mad at you.”

“You didn’t?” Richard looks up now and Taron can see the pure anxiety in them.

“I came here to tell you that I accept your apology and I wanna apologize myself.” he says and sees Richard frowning. “I overreacted and I hurt us both with it. And it wasn’t fair to just end the call when you told me about that guy.” Taron searches his look and his voice gets soft as he strokes over his knuckles. “Richie.” He looks at him and Taron sees the tears in his eyes. “I wanna get rid of this mess between us. But the real reason I came here was that I wanted to check up on you. I know how intense your panic attacks can get.” And that’s all it takes to let Richard’s tears escape his eyes. “Come here.” he encourages him gently and wraps him into a warm hug.

Richard buries his face in his shoulder and starts crying, holding him close. He can feel Taron starting to cry as well and holds him tight. “I’m so sorry.” he chokes out.

“Shh, it’s okay.” he whispers and fondles over his curls gently. “It’s gonna be alright, love.”

Richard pulls back and looks at him with widened blue eyes. “You just called me love.”

“Yeah.” Taron says and giggles softly.

“So you’re not mad at me?” Rich asks hopefully.

“No.” he shakes his head smiling. Richard falls back into his arms and Taron places a soft kiss into his hair. “I hope you’ve seen they’ve taken this fake interview down.”

“I didn’t know that.” Rich chuckles weakly. “I didn’t really spend time on my phone anymore.”

“Elton told me.” T explains and cups his face with one hand, wiping away some tears. He sinks into Richard’s beautifully deep blue eyes and somehow he knows they’ll be alright again. “They couldn’t publish the pictures because you couldn’t be identified on it. That’s why they came up with this interview.”

“Seriously?” he asks shocked.

“Yeah.” Taron says and rolls his eyes. “Fucking idiots. Well, that means if we’ll go back out there together no one will know what happened that night.” he smirks at him and looks up to him. “Now the only question is if you’d like to be my boyfriend again.”

Richard swallows hard at that and bites on his lip for a moment, caught up in thoughts. “You’re sure? I don’t wanna say yes when you feel bad about getting back together.”

“I took the next flight to LA when I finished your letter, of course I’m sure.” T states with a slight grin. Richard cups his face and leans down connecting their lips to a soft kiss. Taron opens his eyes slowly and smiles. “I suppose that means yes.”

“I love you.” he breathes out and kisses him again.

“Oh god, I forgot how good that feels.” T sighs and tangles his hand in Richard’s curls. It has been months since they kissed the last time. Richard just chuckles and lifts him up, making him squeak surprised.

“You’re working on something at the moment?” Rich asks curiously as he carries him outside and towards his car.

Taron shakes his head and grins at him, playing with Richard’s hair. “I finished it yesterday. You?”

“Nothing as well.” he says and stops in front of the car fumbling for his keys. “How’s about going on vacation, just us two?”

Taron cups his face and kisses him passionately. “Yes.” he nods quickly and Richard lets him down again. “I love you too.” he says remembering he was too busy caught up in kissing him before.

 -

They decided to stay in Taron’s hotel room, staying up talking almost the whole night. Taron was cuddled up in Richard’s arm just like he wanted to be all these months ago. Now they are standing at the airport, holding hands and waiting for their flight back. Taron leans his head on Richard’s shoulder and closes his eyes.

“Tired?” he asks.

“Mm.” he just hums and giggles surprised as Richard pulls him closer, facing him now.

“You’ll be able to get some sleep during the flight, bubs.” Richard says and places a tiny kiss onto his forehead before pulling him into a loving hug. Taron buries his face in his chest and wraps his arms around his waist. Rich rests his head on Taron’s and rubs tiny circles on his lower back. It already feels like nothing ever happened.

@taron-eggmcmuffin @maddertonmyheart @madderton-obsessed @ispewglitter @primaba11erina

[societydatabase]

* 𝐈𝐍𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 𝐓𝐀𝐒𝐊 / alexander mueller & caden lucca

Location: Gallagher Tombs

Timeline: November 21, 11pm -- November 22, midnight

Triggers: Violence, blood

Premise: Caden and Alex are brought to the tombs and told to duke it out for a spot in the Nightshades -- loser won’t make it into the group.

the note arrives at exactly 11pm for each of them, slipped beneath their doors of room 106 and 506, in hopes that their other three roommates won’t reach them first. 

to become a worthy member to the brotherhood, your presence is requested at the tombs at exactly midnight tonight, when the night is at its darkest and moon is at its brightest. bring your strength, for bravery will not cut it. 

good luck. 

it feels like deja vu returning to the tombs, but unlike the night of the gala they’ve left the mask and formal attire at home, and instead both men are wearing sweats. caden arrives first, tugging his sweatshirt closer to him, arms wrapping around himself as he stands… and waits, not really sure what he’s waiting for. it’s not until he hears someone else approaching that he straightens his shoulders, though the sight of alex makes his lips part in surprise. caden tries to remember if he has anything to do with the secret society, or if he’s simply hanging around the tombs at midnight for fun. “what are you doing here?”

alex’s hoodie is up as his hands are stuffed within the pockets of the sweatshirt as he approaches, brows furrowing as he notices caden, not necessarily easing any of the nerves he feels on the inside, but lets none it show on his face. "i brought my strength --- or whatever," he says with a smile. "you think they'll make us dig up good ole gilly?"

"oh good, you too?" caden snorts, though there's some relief that comes with alex's presence. there's something slightly creepy about this whole secret society thing, and if not for enzo and landon obviously having a part of it, he would fear it has something to do with the brotherhood from last year.  "i hope not, what kind of strength would that show, upper body?" just in case, he glances around for a shovel. 

"two of gallagher's strongest?  of course,"  alex jokes if only to ease the tiniest bit of nerves he has at the ominousness of the note and the location. 

landon shows up characteristically a little later than he was supposed to be, but he figures their late arrival would only keep the two others on their toes about the whole thing.  “evening, gentlemen,” he says, and it's difficult to not hear the grin (and his southern accent) as he speaks. “you two were asked here tonight as your initiation mission and to bring your strength along with you.” he pauses, mostly for dramatic effect, and he’s considering saying they’re not going to have to dig up a dead body because jesus, alex, he’s not about to piss of a ghost. “you two are going to have to fight one another, and the victor is the one going to join the brotherhood.” landon explains before his last pause. “good luck to the both of you.”

the blonde nods his head amusingly as he listens to the other speak, head leaning forward at the other's pauses, making him a little restless though he supposes he'd do the same in his situation. he looks at caden with a confused look , "how do we know who wins?"  because it meant a little morbid in his previous school, but mainly because he might or might not be doubting caden's abilities slightly. 

“whoever is knocked to the ground and can’t get back up,” landon answers, and as the words come out of his mouth, they feel heavy because he does like both of them and would want both of them in the society. before the two of them walk away, landon adds because he just feels like a small disclaimer needs to be said. “just⎯⎯ don’t kill each other please.”  from across the way, alex rolls his eyes.

caden’s jaw clenches slightly; a task about fighting should be what he had expected when strength had been brought up, but maybe he had been hoping it wouldn't be the case, considering his track record for fights at gallagher. "this is so stupid," he mumbles, but it's the nerves inside him talking, because he doesn't know how well of a fighter alex is or not. he doesn't think the other guy is a combat major, but it doesn't make him feel any better. but it's the chance into a secret society -- basically the highest honor of the college world. he'd be stupid not to try, right? so caden tries to unleash his inner claire walsh, standing up straighter and puffing out his chest a bit as he makes his way closer towards alex. "good luck, man," he says with a small smirk, only feeling a little guilty that it's only one or the other, before caden throws his first punch towards alex's gut. 

alex is expecting a handshake and is instead met with a punch to the gut, completely catching him by surprise, causing some of the wind to be knocked out of him. if alex is being honest, a part of him underestimated his current opponent, especially considering alex has been training slightly more and even has someone new to spar with, so he had a couple more tricks up his sleeve.  he looks at the other bewildered.  "well who taught you how to fight?"  he asks slightly amused though now he knows he has to take everything slightly more seriously and straightens himself out as well, but not before removing his hoodie.  "well come on then."

caden's not stupid; he knows by now not to underestimate his opponent, even if it is only alex. if he's going to win this, he'll need to pull out all the spots -- which includes catching him by surprise. caden flashes him a sheepish grin, wanting to roll his eyes as the other man takes off his sweatshirt. the invitation makes him snort, but he does as he's told, caden faking one direction before he strikes another punch, this time towards his chest. it's been awhile since he fought someone for the purpose of trying to hurt them, causing him to be a little hesitant in where he throws a punch. 

alex is aware that the easiest way to punch is to cause a distraction and that's what the other is doing now; he moves quickly and punches the other in the abdomen. he knows caden values his face as much as alex does, so he is quick yet hesitant to respect those boundaries. the punch to the gut wipes the breath out of caden, realizing that alex is a bit too precise with his movements. it’s too late for caden to attack back, but he breathes through the pain and strikes around alex’s head, going for the ear - it should stun alex enough to double back and give caden a chance to catch his breath, which is what he really needs right now.

alex doesn't think the other would go for his head but it wasn't like either of them stated they wouldn't. he thought it was implied but at the moment he feels a sting at his ear he has to stop and shake it off. caden clearly really wanted to get in, and alex knows it'd be best to strike him while he was down so he did his chest to stabilize himself and punch the other in the jaw. 

lucky for him, caden makes the mistake of pausing after striking, even just for a moment. if claire was there she would've told him to get another hit in while alex was down, but it's a little different fighting here verses sparring in the gym, with the stakes being so high. by the time he goes to throw another punch alex beats him to it -- and the blow causes caden to go stumbling back, a small groan escaping him. "fuck,"  he mumbles, though it's muffled from how his mouth fills with blood. leaning to the side, caden spits it out. it's a friendly reminder that this isn't the classroom; caden's free to play this however he wants. so he charges for him, landing a punch alex's shoulder while swiping his feet with one of his own, trying to knock the blonde onto the ground. this would have never been allowed on the mats -- it was too brutish, especially after first blood is spilled. alex attempts to anticipate the punch, but it does manage to catch him off guard, causing him to fall, but as soon as he falls he uses his arms and legs to push himself back up and quickly kick caden in the chest -- making himself proud, and giving him enough for alex to think of his next move. 

caden doesn't expect alex to be able to get up so quickly, ready to quite literally kick the male while he's down. instead it's caden who gets kicked down, the blow to his chest causing him to double over, footing not quite good enough to keep him standing. he can feel the heaviness of landon's gaze as he watches the two of them, and caden doesn't know if it's better or worse that it's a close friend having to witness this embarrassment. it takes him a moment to get back on his feet, but as soon as he does he's aiming a right hook towards alex's jaw, his own still throbbing from when the blonde hit him last. alex he sees the punch coming and grabs caden by his forearm, using the other's force to push him to the ground.

there’s a moment there where caden is just lucky they're fighting in the grass rather than gravel, because he falls into the ground face-first. caden's not sure if he's hit his head on the way down or if it's an injury from earlier, but he hesitates instead of getting up, trying to use his arms but they wobble. still he tries, his body mimicking the position of a push-up --- but then he feels a kick to his gut, and any chance of getting back up is immediately squandered as his body hits the ground. there’s a small ringing in his hear, but he can make out landon saying that alex has won the challenge; despite everything, caden doesn't get back up.

[maljic]

i have been working in the grocery industry practically my entire life. for many companies, and in many many positions. i’ve seen hurricane panic buys, i have seen post hurricane apocalypses, i have closed stores, and i have opened stores. i have been to backroom recoveries, i have worked small stores and big stores. i have seen h1n1, and i have now seen covid19. and even tho this is something unprecedented, all together it’s really not. the difference here is that it’s been going on for three weeks now and there is no end in sight. the duration is what’s so new. 

so i’ve started making notes every day after i got home. just the overall experience, but also customer comments and new things being implemented. it’s a fascination change, and i wanted to write it down to maybe sometime in the future come back to this time and remember anew. 

i plan on keeping notes for the foreseeable future, to keep writing a diary of sorts, to see if this ever levels out or escalates even more, if things change drastically or not at all. and if the fucking toilet paper situation ever goes away. 

things started to change the first week of march. it was super subtle, i didn’t even notice it at first. it was just a steady increase in business. a solid 20% ahead in sales all across the board. and even tho the virus was already in the news it didn’t cotton on right from the start. or it did, maybe, but i wasn’t expecting it to escalate to such heights.

tuesday, 03.10.2020 9am - 5pm

people are making their own hand sanitizer by mixing rubbing alcohol and aloe vera. we’re out of both. lady is asking me by the sun tan section about the state of deliveries of aloe vera gel. we get to talking. i admit that i don’t understand the people’s need for hand sanitizer since the cdc and every doctor ever recommends hand washing first and foremost. Susan comes out and says, ‘well the only thing that really can safe us from all this is...” and i retort with, “washing your hands, right?” but Susan claps back with, “the lord jesus christ.” and i had to excuse myself real quick and leave her ass on the aisle, because why are you fucking here then trying to potion together your own hand sanitizer, Severus, if all you need is god? 

a grown woman that’s working at the register is. coughing. non. stop. co workers comment on it to each other and to me, and i wonder if anyone has taken her aside to explain the current state of world events to her, and maybe asking her to cover her damn mouth. we’re all gonna die.

thursday, 03.12.2020 2pm - 10pm 11pm

parking is an absolute nightmare. i’m 10 mins late cause i can’t find a spot. welcome to hell. i ask my boss what the sales were yesterday and she says we’re 40% ahead of the forecast. which is ridiculous. at this point it’s pretty much a blanket permission for over time. we do not have the capacity to continue to run at this pace. people get worn out, we’re bound to get sick, and the customers are fucking relentless. truck is big. Karen and her brother Chad look at the soap section and wanna know when we get more hand sanitizer in. 

this lady is looking at things in the cold and flu section and we get to talking about shit and she mentions something she’s read on facebook and whoops my filter went poofgone and i tell her that i hope facebook dies along with all this corona virus flu and have a good evening.

at the end of my shift after we’ve finished stocking and cleaning up, i stay longer because there’s still a fuck ton of people in the store but we only have two registers open. i check people out until 11 and then peace out. one dude dropped $650 on groceries.

friday, 03.13.2020 11am - 7pm

“where is the hand sanitizer?” Karen asks. i refrain from shouting at her to get outta my face. the store is absolutely packed. lines of lengths i haven’t ever witnessed. lines and lines of people with full bascarts of stuff. the end is nigh and we are here with a front row view of it. we have a small parking lot, and i have no idea where these people’s cars are? i didnt know we could fit that many people in the store. whats the fire marshall’s max capacity guidelines? someone should review those. meanwhile i’m trying to navigate around everybody and put things on shelves that don’t last very long.

the grocery truck arrives around 3 ish and paper products get thrown out first. usually, when the truck arrives it stays locked until the night crew shows up. we’re set up to always have a trailer at the store, so when the guy shows up he unhitches his trailer, and hitches up under another trailer which was the previous day’s grocery truck, which got emptied off groceries when the night crew stocks, and then got filled with stacks of empty pallets, paper bales, and other reusable thinks like plastic trays the meat comes in, or the eggs come in, or produce plastic trays, things like that. so now that we’re in the apocalypse of paper products, the day crew gets those pallets out on the sales floor asap. at this point we have reduced the quantities of things you’re allowed to take to 3. 3 packs of toilet paper, 3 packs of paper towels... also 3 of lysol wipes and 3 of hand sanitizers even tho we dont have any, calm down, Karen. paper products are gone within an hour. 

my company makes an absolute killing that day.

saturday, 03.14.2020 10ish to whenever. 

my boss said she was coming in (on her off day) so i said yo, mind if i sleep in a bit? i was scheduled 7am and if i don’t have to i don’t want to. she said ok. i rock up at 10:08. things stop showing up on deliveries. the diaper area is sad looking. people have started to buy us out of baby wipes. there’s a problem coming at us in about 2 months. you cant flush baby wipes but since the toilet paper situation is what it is, people will wipe their butts with wet wipes. have fun with that, dallas county utility department (or whoever messes with the water wastes). 

displays are dwindling. we are not getting product, so we are filling the shelves in the aisles with the stuff that’s on displays. it’s a bit wonky looking. there’s half an endcap with shampoo and then the rest of it is filled with hersheys. its upside down world. but we have to keep things full. with whatever. empty shelves are bad bad bad, but empty endcaps are a cardinal sin. 

people waste so much food when they’re shopping. now that the shelves are getting and staying empty, people will just put things everywhere when they decide against buying the items. bags of chips, six packs of beer, gatorade whatever. that’s not really waste. but we also see bags of salad, frozen items, meats. we are currently not in the position to walk the store every half hour and collect these things. these things are all now wasted and will get thrown out. not the chips, i’m talking about the temp controlled things. being cold to the touch is not enough. shit aint safe. 

monday, 03.16.2020 8am - 4 pm 6pm

truck is gigantic. never ever have i seen a truck that big. so everything that my boss was fantasizing about me doing gets thrown out the window when the truck hits the backdoor at 11 am. everybody who is scheduled for truck is given the option to come in early. and stay until it’s all stocked. or until you’re exhausted. i help with the pharmacy stuff because that’s the biggest part. i stay until 6pm. then i’m out. 

people would like to know where the hand sanitizer is, well, sugar, so. do. i. it’s the one item that has been out since the end of february, and people are absolutely gob smacked when you tell them it’s currently unavailable. i try to appease them with some hand soap, but, stupidly, people dont want to hear that. i’m thinking to myself that in about a week soap will also be unavailable, but to each their own. customers believe that we, the workers, know the exact day and time when lysol wipes will be stocked. but when you tell them that soap is getting scarce they look at you like you’re speaking a different language.

company wide, we are not allowed to order anything right now. which is huge. how it usually works is: our system knows at all times how many items we have in the store, as per bar code, and knows how much will fit on the shelves, how much we’re selling every day/hour, and then there’s the forecasting factor. so the system will order stuff based on sold quantities, automatically. all the time. if we need extra stuff for sales and/or displays and whatnot, we order extra. 

the computer system wouldnt know, for instance, that there was a tornado in oct that wiped out our electricity and that of most of our customers, so we changed orders to reflect that. no frozen things, lots more batteries, ice, coolers. 

a lot of things ride on added orders, which are now out

from here on in, everything is up to the system, and to the powers that be. if there’s soap in the warehouse, we will get allocated with every store in the area so that everyone gets equal amounts or close to. hoarding is, apparently, frowned upon at this level too. 

tuesday, 03.17.2020 2pm - 10pm

i have come to hate the soap aisle. used to always be my favorite. so long, soap aisle, we’ve had a good run. tonight i’m stocking the pharmacy area (cold and flu, pain meds, tummy stuff, those sort of things). truck is small. super small. i try helping customers as much as i can, but most of my end of the conversation is no, sorry, we dont have any. backstocks are dwindling. the backroom is emptying out. we rely on truck deliveries for things to do and products to be put out. “do you have any [insert product here] in the back?” is the most asked questions. “there’s nothing in the back.” is the most uttered sentence all day. 

people obviously do to not get what social distance means. every aisle is packed with shoppers. i’m wasting a lot of time trying to stay out of people’s paths, but people lingeeeerrrrr what the fuck. the mayor of dallas shut everything down to flatten the curve yet here all these fuckers are doing their god damn grocery shopping like it’s 3 months ago. get in, get stuff, get out. i try conjuring up some gas to clear the aisle, but the farts won’t come

go home, people. i wish i could.

somehow our store has become the hub in our area. we get trucks in the afternoon with produce and meat, and people from other stores around us show up in trucks and suvs to transport product between stores. i’ve seen so many people that i hadn’t seen in years because they’re coming by getting shit in the afternoon. 

we lost one of our baristas. she’s retired but works with us the maximal allotted hours per week the government allows you before they yank your money. she’s living in senior housing (cause its cheap) and they’ve completely locked down and she is unable to come to work. her boss funnels her groceries. and they face time a lot. she’s doing ok.

wednesday, 03.18.2020 10am - 6pm

parking lot semi full, too full for a wednesday. toilet paper situation is unchanged. but alas there’s no grocery truck scheduled tonight so this is not changing until tomorrow. i’m talking to three separate people desperate for some toilet roll (lol, i love how this pandemic makes me learn new terms, hi, united kingdom, i see you - toilet roll, i love it). anyways, i explain to all three the truck schedule and how to best strategize to get some butt wipes: truck is 6 days a week, wednesday being the no truck day. when the truck arrives, usually what happens is that the paper products get stocked immediately, to make room in the back room and to alleviate the situations. be in the store at around 3ish? 3:30ish, and hang out. i explain that i don’t want to encourage anybody to spend their afternoon in the store for obvi reasons, but when you gotta go you gotta go. alternately, hang out in your car, and when you see a truck pull behind the store around mid day, chances are in about 30 mins you shall have paper. people appreciate the info. 

i’m in the candy aisle trying to stock a case of twizzlers. we’re using shopping carts to stock, it’s way more flexible than lugging around huge stocking carts, especially now with the store being so crowded. this dude rocks up and asks me if i’m panic hoarding with all those boxes in my cart. he looks at me with a straight face and thinks he’s making a point. meanwhile i’m in full uniform and people around are starting to roll their eyes. i drop the box of twizzlers into my cart (its super heavy and dude is creating a scene). my box cutter comes out and i make a show of clicking the blade out while explaining to douche canoodle that i’m working here, excuse me, and cut into the tape of the box. moron. 

there’s a few people that i’ve seen every day this week. and they’re all advanced in their age. i get that the store is your second home cause you’re lonely, but right now is really not the time. go home. 

the question i hate the most is: when are you gonna get more soap in. the honest answer? no fucking clue, Karen. if i could predict the future i wouldn’t be working here. 

thursday, 03.19.2020 10am - 6pm

there was no grocery truck last night so shelves are still as empty as they were when i left last night. still, parking lot is semi full. we’ve seem to have gotten a decent produce truck, bananas everywhere. great. my boss’s plan for me is to: whatever truck is back there, and then easter. which means i walk the back room, collect anything and everything that belongs to our department, and get it on the shelves. there’s nothing back there except a chocolate delivery which arrived on the dairy truck. a huge amount, by normal standards. at least people are still enjoying some candy. 

by 3pm it’s made the rounds that one of the guys for our dept isn’t coming in: allergies. okay then. truck is not too big, i help out with that until it’s time to hit the time clock. 

times are tough, and i’m a good-natured person that can dish out jokes and emphasize with you and cumbaja we’re all in this together and all the other bullshit we’re telling ourselves to make us feel better. but when dudebro comes down the soap aisle and bemoans the state of the shelves (empty) and then goes into a rant about his two parents, immunocompromised, at home, out of soap, almost getting loud and making it seem like its my fault that we don’t have what you want, then no. i’m all out of fucks to give. meanwhile, people of the free world, have you forgotten that hand washing soap does not only come in little pump bottles that you can cutsify your sink with but also LOOK AT ALL THE BARSOAP, back in the days we used that to wash our hands. calm down and take some irish spring to your parents. 

grocery truck arrives. big time. in the good ole days of yester year we would get one trailer daily, most of the time not even full. we’ve been ramping it up to 2 most of the last two weeks. (and by we i mean we as a society, buying everything on the shelves and not being satisfied and always wanting more).  today it was three. one of which with nothing but water. the others with lots of toilet roll and paper towels. and the usual stuff of canned goods and the likes. nothing will last tho, nothing is forever. 

we have this one guy who works here who has, i believe, severe arthritis and is hygiene wise very challenged. he isn’t very mobile and does super light duty but he’s worked here a long time. i haven’t seen him in a few days. i wonder if he is just off, or if he said fuck it and stayed home. 

the grown ass woman at the register is still coughing. and not covering her mouth. asswipe. 

saturday 03.21.2020 7am - 3pm 6pm

“when do you expect more hand sanitizer in?” 

i have no idea what you’re talking about, hand sanitizer was never a thing. lemme ask you this: is it berenstein bears where you come from? 

people still want to shop brand loyal. i die inside a little bit every time someone turns their nose up at an alternative to their regular, “oh but we don’t use that brand.” dude didn’t you just say you needed vitamin c? was that a lie? here’s the damn vitamin c. it’s vitamin c, not, i don’t know, fucking coca cola. go home.

corporate finally came down and said we’re allowed to wear ppe now. like some of us haven’t since three weeks ago. i finally turned and went all ‘two by two hands of blue’ as well, and it’s really not as bothersome as i thought it would be.  

weekends are now slower than weekdays. i have no idea why that is. and i’m not really sure if these past weekends have been slow, or just normal, and the weekdays are just crazy. i have lost all points of reference. it’s still busy. but is it the same busy it’s always been on a saturday and now we just have more checkers? 

the company is desperately trying to hire more people. i don’t know if the new vigorous ad campaign is working yet? it’s a job, sure, especially in these times, but the starting pay is still barely above minimum wage so in any case people will collect unemployment which could still be more than they’d make working here i’m just saying. 

the only real perk right now is that whoever works for a grocery store has first dibs on stuff. and if you believe we don’t have a “family and friends stash” in the back of all the items that are scarce then you don’t know how the world works. a friend of mine with health problems came to shop at our store today because we do have more stuff than what i’ve been hearing is going on in surrounding areas.  and i was able to give her two cans of disinfectant wipes. another friend asked me if we had any loo roll, and they just came by my place to pick it up, cash on arrival. 

we also extend (or well, i do extend) the stash to customers who always have been courteous. and believe me, after working in one location for a few years you know exactly who’s an asshole and who isn’t. we are essential, we are important, and we’ve been known that forever. we just never got treated like that. people are thankful that we’re working, that we’re doing our best (like if we could afford to just take two weeks off to self isolate, yeah right), and it’s good to finally walk the store with your head held high, to finally feel the appreciation. we are the kings of the toilet paper and it’s fucking fantastic. 

the store manager (or the company, i’m not sure) bought lunch today for everybody. and there might be a texas rule of no gatherings of more than 10 people, but y’all should’ve seen the break room today at noon. we they feasted (i took two slices and went out back to enjoy) thanks for lunch, boss. 

we still haven’t implemented “senior hours,” and i hate that. 

hygiene challenged dude is back at work. so he just had his two days off. 

monday 03.23.2020 12pm - 9pm

people keep insisting on shopping “normally” and it’s mind boggling. if you go to the store for 5 things or 50 things, it’s fine either way. but please make a list at home and roll with it. do not linger in aisles, do not pick up 3 different items and stand there to study the, i don’t know what the fuck, ingredients? country of origin? manufacturer? i have no earthly idea why you gotta look at a bottle of suave shampoo so intently and just. stay. there. reading it like its a new product on the market. go home.

people just waste so much freakin time in the store. they run into acquaintances and have to have a conversation right there when other customers have to walk around you. please stop, please please stop that. please. get in, get your stuff, and get out. if we dont have your fave available right now come back next week, it’s bound to be back unless it’s something like hand sanitizer or over the counter meds. please. go home.

the shopping pattern has changed. there’s all the action in the mornings now. tons of people, full parking lots, all in the morning. i understand it’s because people are under the impression everything gets restocked over night. which is half true. but whatever. i mean people shop all throughout the day and it’s still busy but the bulk is in the morning.

speaking of: senior hours finally!!! i’m stoked.

i feel like i’m getting fed up with customer questions so it’s usually short retorts and no eyes contact. one guy asked me where the aloe vera is and he asked very friendly and from a few feet away and i was sort of a dick to him. i felt bad immediately and rephrased my answer. yikes.

on the upside also, my work buddy was throwing water all day long. poor guy. he said something like 9 pallets of 24 packs. at one point they were replenishing a display and people grabbed water from the display instead of the pallet, and he was like, “you guys are killing me, man, please take it from the pallet and not the display. every pack you take from the pallet is a pack less i have to move.” a couple of dudes then took over stocking duty from him and threw the rest of the pallet to fill the display. how fucking nice. good eggs all around.

backroom looks like we got a crap ton of paper products. a crap ton. something like, i’m estimating, 12 pallets. so they’ve been staggering it throughout the afternoon but also kept lots in the back for senior hours tomorrow morning. it really looks like that part is getting almost back to normal. lmao fingers crossed.

no eggs tho, today. all gone.

hot shot trucks still show up in the afternoon with produce and meat. and other stores still come by to transfer stuff to their location.

company lunch today was from torchy’s taco. i abstained cause i had just eaten at home. but gatherings of 10 or more people had been had in the break room again. no idea if it was paid for by our company or if torchy’s was just getting rid of a bulk of their perishables.

some dude threw a fit about the limits on certain items. i think his beef was with water and how he’s seen someone take more than three. calm down, asshole.

tuesday 03.24.2020 10am - 5pm 

it’s slow in the store. dallas county has a shelter in place ordinance right now and it’s just a slow and steady trickle of customers. the weather also has turned from grey and misty, to sunshine and 80ies. i hate it. i want my grey and misty back. and because it’s nice outside there’s a lot of people on walks and bike rides. there’s a trail behind the store and when i step out back i see people all the times. still keeping their social distance but people non the less.

we’ve finally got our hands on one of the people from the agency that has provided us with help. our girl is super nice and friendly and she works hard. i hope we’ll get to keep her in our department for however long theyre working with us. altogether there’s about 15-20 people in the store from the agency. they’re tasked with sacking groceries, cleaning shopping carts, cleaning shelves and helping to stock. it’s wonderful. they get paid $13, which is more than what you make starting out in the store.

it almost felt like it wasn’t a covid day. after what the covidiot in the wh said on monday, i was a bit unsure if non essentials would reopen (especially since the mayor just shut dallas down). it was weird. it seemed like customers stayed away because a) they went back to work or b) it’s too nice to grocery shop. but that’s prob only my stupid brain making things up.

there were two incidents, both of which weren’t covid related but needed security: a dude tried to walk out with two cases of beer (theft is a thing that happens in our store a lot) but somehow he had half the store chasing after him. i was outside taking my break when all the sudden this guy comes towards me with beer in each hand. where i was, there was no exit away from the store unless you wanted to jump the fence. and he sure did. launched himself and the beer over it. they chased him off (no one touched him, i wanna add, and no one would touch him too, even if we weren’t in the current time),  but got their beer back. that was an adrenaline shock i didn’t need. the second one was a lady at the pharmacy not happy with the speed of the pharmacist and she got upset that her meds weren’t ready to be picked up. she made quite a scene with cursings and such so security was called. they are doing their best at the pharmacy but just like every other department they are swamped with prescriptions.  

it was super slow and i left an hour early. went home and ate and passed out for 12 hours.

wednesday 03.25.2020 7am - 3pm

it’s probs the first time i’m on the road this early on a weekday during the self isolation period. it’s quite busy on the highway. but still no real traffic.

store is still slow but steady. i see a few customers with big bascarts and shopping lists going about their business urgent like. on the inside i was applauding their readiness and their commitment for getting it done. thank you dear customers. buy a whole cart and get the heck outta dodge. *chefs kiss*

help girl from the agency is with me today. i like her more and more. she gets it all done. baby wipes are still off and on, some days we have them, sometimes we’re out. we found 3 small cases of hand soap in the back (6 bottles each) and they are gone quickly. i’m working through shippers/displays (we’ve finally got a smattering in) but most of it goes straight to the shelves. i’m able to make some sense to one of the half shampoo/half hersheys end caps, and my eye finally stops twitching from the weirdness.

grocery truck schedule has changed and now we’re getting them also on wednesdays (for the time being). one trailer of toilet roll and paper towels, and one of canned goods and boxes and pantry stuffs. and maybe some lysol but who knows.

it’s still sunny and 80ies out, so more runners and bikers on the trail behind the store. still social distancing tho.

the news said someone from a grocery store of another chain was diagnosed. and then through the grapevine i heard that someone from our chain (not our store) also got diagnosed and is in the hospital. wash your hands. get in, get your stuff, and get out. stay safe out there.

friday 03.27.2020 9am - 5pm

there’s this lady in the store, little old lady, just wandering and shopping and whatnot for, i kid you not, 2 hours. what in the world? she’s wearing a mask, kinda like a “let me put this mask on cause i’m sanding something in the garage” you know that kind of mask. but it’s only covering her mouth? what is she doing. where is your family? do they know where you are and what you’re up to. seriously someone come get their auntie.

there’s stickers all over the floor by the registers “PLEASE WAIT HERE” reminding people to stay the heck away from each other. it’s working sometimes. people are patient.

this one lady asks me if we have this, and shows me her phone with a pic of the item like she is seriously standing 6 feet away stretching her arm as far as it’ll go. i appreciate it. she insists that the app tells her it’s in stock here. i ran out of ways to explain that the app doesnt keep up with inventory, only states that we carry it, not whether we actually have it in stock. it’s a surface disinfectant. we dont have it in stock.

rando people say their thanks that we’re working, that they appreciate it, thank you thank you. i have yet to learn how to respond to that. “youre welcome?” “oh sure!” “no problem” nothing feels right. me and my co workers all wish we could work from home, or take a few weeks off, without losing our jobs and benefits. it’s weird. how do you respond to that?

we’ve managed to stay in stock on toilet tissue all day long. one brand, one size, mind you. but! all day long! yes, toilet paper, on aisle 18!!!!

sales have leveled. business is returning to normal.

saturday 03.28.2020 7am - 3 pm

some lady lost her cool today and in her frustration she dead ass kicked over a display of gum. lmao, yikes.

every morning we have a little meeting in the store for all the department heads, or if they’re off, for whoever plays department head for that day. on saturdays that’s me. we call them huddles, although now we can’t call them that anymore because huddle doesn’t really scream social distancing. so now they’ll call it morning communication.

while walking the store today i found, get this, a bottle of purell. it was hidden behind other product. i immediately checked my surroundings (no one there) and then went and hid it in the back room. my immuno challenged friend had asked me for some for a while.

really nothing else going on. it was quiet in the morning and then a storm blew through, and then it was just gorgeous out. so the store got busier and busier. our truck was scheduled to be quite big, but it was late and i wasn’t gonna just hang around until who knows when.

monday 03.30.2020 2pm - 10pm

the break room is completely empty of chairs and tables. that’s new. just last week everyone crowded in, employees and management alike, whenever there was free lunch. and even tho one tells them, or points out that, hey, this is a bit more than technically should be in a closed space like this? all one gets back is, oh hahaha, yeah you’re probably right, but nothing changed. so now the break room is empty. only, i dont know, everyone here works on their feet, either standing (poor checkers) or standing and walking. for up to eight hours. there’s gonna be some people who will just have to sit down for 30 mins during their breaks. this was a company wide, or district wide decision, this wasn’t something our management came up with. and here’s the thing. admittedly, some higher ups in our company are seriously not the sharpest tacks in the box. and i’m not saying that you have to have a degree to make certain decisions, but it helps if you have some sort of,  i don’t know, compassion, deductive reasoning, two brain cells to rub together. i, personally, will hardly be found in the break room, i don’t use it. but it’s absolutely clear to me that taking away the opportunity to let people rest is a recipe for disaster.

tuesday, 03.31.2020 2pm - 10pm

so, the owner of the dallas mavericks (basket ball) donated hand sanitizers to our company, for use of company employees. which, thanks, Mark, that was super sweet of you. no really. IF I SEE ONE CO WORKER USE THIS INSTEAD OF WASHING THEIR HANDS I WILL NOT BE MADE RESPONSIBLE FOR MY ACTIONS. wash your god damned hands people. hand sanitizer will never be able to do what soap and water can do. why is that such a big problem to understand.

the break room has a couple of chairs and tables in it now, and a sign on the door that reads “6 people limit, 6 feet apart.” yikes.

its the end of the month and people got paid so the store is getting busier. tomorrow is the first and i’m sure we’ll be packed. please take the following to heart: SHOP ALONE. don’t bring your wifey or hubby or roommate or kids. ok bring your kids if you have no one to watch them. do not use the grocery store as your family outing cause its the only spot you think youre allowed to go. it’s not. youre allowed to go for walks, in front of your house, in your neighborhood, heck, walk a circle around the store if you want, but don’t bring everybody into the store. social distancing is easier achieved if there’s less people to stay away from. be smart, think ahead. and if you think that shopping with two people makes it go faster? it’s not. cause you’re gonna argue over the choices made, you’re gonna veto your shopping buddies choice of beans and your gonna walk every aisle twice instead of once. and there will be more people touching more things and i could really do with less of that.

wednesday 04.01.2020 11am - 7pm

there’s a distillery in kansas who has converted their production to make hand sanitizer (or sanitizer in general) and we have received a shipment of, i think, two pallets. the fun part? they are the size and shape of vodka bottles.

they’re selling for $8 and we put a limit of 1 per family. they look super neat. it’s a plastic bottle, too. i don’t use hand sanitizer and i dont need it and there are people who need these i guess but i want one so badly. just as a, you know, reminder, a token, of these crazy times. i’m not gonna get one (but i kinda want one).

they have finally installed screens at the registers. and new rules came down from corporate: social distancing is the highest priority, hygiene is the highest priority. we are only going to operate 3 (out of 6) registers so that we can ensure that there’s enough space for everyone to feel safe. i have also spent 2 hours today thinning out displays that are cluttering up the sales floor so that we can encourage everyone to keep apart.

starting tomorrow, every employee will get their temp taken when they arrive to work. if the temp is too high you will be sent home (but paid for that day) and only be let back in to work if your temp stays normal for 72 hours without the help of meds.

pay has been increased by $2/h.

friday 04.03.2020 9am - 5pm

face masks everywhere.

like 80% of everybody started donning masks, scarves and homemade things to cover their lower face. face masks are a stark reminder that everyone should keep apart. it’s like an extra “hey, remember how we’re all potentially sick with something deadly? stay away.” i appreciate the effect it has.

there are about 5 different announcements over the PA, one about washing your hands and sneezing/coughing into your elbows, one about senior hours (which have changed now to tue, thu and sat morning), one about social distancing (about the length of two shopping carts!), one about “we’re all in this together” and one about us employees and how we’re doing so much more than our job right now.

ive stopped greeting customers. i smile maybe, since it’s something so ingrained into our brain, but i won’t speak unnecessarily.

the store is absolutely packed. the suggestion of staying away until the 3rd or the 4th that ive seen all over the internets seems to have cottoned on and now we’re slammed. with only 3 registers open now (to keep room between registers) the lines are down the aisles. one of the guys on the registers told me he loved it. it’s waaay less crowding around the registers, safer for the workers).

we have two entrances (the main one and a smaller one) and they closed the smaller one because it’s very tight there and doesn’t really work with trying to stay away from each other. it’s not locked, it’s just closed. no idea about the fire marshall code, but i have worked in bigger stores with only one main entrance so maybe it’s not part of any code.

i saw a woman with a vegas golden knights shirt and i miss hockey.

saturday 04.04.2020 7am - 5:30pm

my first day during senior hours, and admittedly we’ve only recently changed that but there are tons of people in the store and not a lot of seniors. but what do i know they all could be immunocompromised.

in our morning huddle communications meeting the store manager is spitting out a lot of numbers and percentiles and such, basically sales are still through the roof, even with the slower week we’ve had. it’s funny how there’s really no reference point anymore. forecasts and budgets have all been altered due to the situation but even those are still behind. the agency people aren’t with us anymore (since sunday) and i can see maybe 2 new people - but i’m not a reliable source for that because i don’t inter-mingle with other departments that much so i dont even know the regulars so i have no clue who is new. but we’re still running on basically the same people we’ve always had with this increased business.

aceotone is the new toilet paper. cant find it on the shelves, the warehouse is out and people are constantly asking for it. this one guy had me in stitches. he was shopping for the fam and had a list from his wife and you know, acetone, cuticle cream all the stuff you need to take care of your nails after you rip off the fake ones. i used to get my nails done so i gave him advice as best i could  and pointed to some products, but no acetone. about five minutes later she finds me on the same aisle again and shows me a can of paint stripper with the word acetone in huge letters on it. i died. i told him that if his wife used that they are about to have a whole other set of problems. we both laughed. he had a great sense of humor. now go home, dude.

the side door that was closed on friday is open again. not surprised.

we are getting absolutely slammed with business. it’s a mad house. you can always tell when people start to park their cars on the fire lanes around the store. there’s just no more parking.

i do see a lot of single shoppers tho, which is so great. and then you got the families just sticking out like sore thumbs. and young college kids usually shop in threes or fours. but everybody is still taking way too much time. there was an article i read on local grocers and how some already reduced the people inside the stores and how every business is going to follow suit so we will see.

we ran out of eggs. and biscuits.  and no significant numbers of paper products all week.

monday 04.06.2020 2pm - 10pm

fuck these customers, man

wednesday 04.08.2020 7am - 3pm

my company will not limit the customer count in the store. at least not in this state. when the whole thing started there was an email about store hours and they listed basically every division of our company and their changed hours - except, you guessed it, ours. i have a feeling they are going off of what other companies are doing around here, so unless theyre limiting people, we won’t. that’s my opinion. after work i realized i forgot butter and swung by a store (from a different company) close to home and they havent limited entrance either. they did have markings on the floor to encourage one way traffic down aisles, and i guess we’re gonna do that too. but nothing else. i did see smaller chains have started to limit people but not companies we’re competing with. so much for that. i guess first we need to have a few positive cases in order for them to change anything. the dollar speaks volumes, eh?

i saw this article a few days ago and i keep thinking about it. it basically sums up everything that’s going through all our minds every day. (i have no idea who this website is, i saw it and i read it and it spoke to me so dont come at me if it’s something weird - i just wanted to provide a source)

I manage a grocery store.

Here’s some things everyone should know

1. I don’t have toilet paper 2. I don’t have sanitizer 3. I run out of milk, eggs and meat daily 4. I promise if it’s out on the shelf … it’s not in a hidden corner of our backroom.

Those are the predictable ones, now for the real stuff

5. I have been doing this for 25 years I did not forget how to order product. 6. I did not cause the warehouse to be out of product/ 7. I schedule as much help as I have, including many workers working TONS of overtime to help YOU. 8. I am sorry there are lines at the check out lanes.

Now for the really important stuff:

9. My team puts themselves in harm’s way every day so you can buy groceries. 10. My team works tirelessly to get product on the floor for you to buy. 11. My team is exhausted. 12. My team is scared of getting sick. 13. My team is human and does not possess an antivirus… they are in just as much danger as you are. (Arguably more) but they show up to work every day just so you can buy groceries 14. My team is tired. 15. My team is very under-appreciated. 16. My team is exposed to more people who are potentially infected in one hour than most of you will in a week (medical community excluded, thank you for all that you do!). 17. My team is abused all day by customers who have no idea how ignorant they are. 18. My team disinfects every surface possible, everyday, just so you can come in grab a wipe from the dispenser, wipe the handle and throw the used wipe in the cart or on the ground and leave it there… so my team can throw it in the trash for you later. 19. My team wonders if you wash your re-usable bags, that you force us to touch, that are clearly dirty and have more germs on them than our shopping carts do. 20. My team more than earns their breaks, lunches and days off. And if that means you wait longer I am sorry.

The last thing I will say is this:

The next time you are in a grocery store, please pause and think about what you are saying and how you are treating the people you encounter. They are the reason you are able to buy toilet paper, sanitizer, milk, eggs, and meat.

If the store you go to is out of an item.. maybe find the neighbor or friend that bought enough for a year … there are hundreds of them… and ask them to spare 1 or 2. They caused the problem to begin with…

And lastly, please THANK the people who helped you. They don’t have to come to work!

[sunsetfanfics]

All I Want

(Jadon Sancho x Reader)

Jadon imagine where he really likes you but knows you won’t be with him because of his fboy lifestyle and you always joke about it and he tried to get you or something along those lines please if you can x

Warning: a bit of harsh language

You drag yourself into the break room, feet aching. Tom, your coworker, watched in amusement as you plopped down into the chair across from him, a sigh escaping your lips.

"Tired?"

You look up to see him smile, which you can't help but reciprocate.

"A bit, yeah."

"Only an hour left now, then you get to go home." He replies, to which you nod.

"Yeah, only an hour. You say that as if it'll magically make me feel better."

He shrugs. "It should. You've already worked for seven hours. Plus you have off tomorrow."

"I guess, can you get me a water?"

He chuckles and nods, getting up and walking over to the mini fridge in the corner.

"So, do you have any news on you-know-who?" He asks, receiving a groan in response.

"I think he knows, to be honest. It's not like I'm blowing him off or anything, but his lifestyle just,, isn't for me."

Tom nods, walking back over to hand you an ice cold bottle.

"Thank you." You mutter, receiving a nod in response.

"Well, do you like him?" He questions, sitting back down.

You twist off the cap and don't hesitate to take a swig of cold water.

Once you feel somewhat replenished, you put the bottle on the ground and twist the cap back on.

"To be honest,,," you pause, "I do. I really really do. I just,, I wish he wasn't such a fuckboy. Because underneath that layer is a really kind individual.

"I would date him if he didn't play this,, character. I just-"

But you didn't get the chance to finish as the bell rang outside.

You threw your head back, "fuck my life!"

Tom giggled as he watched you stand up and hurry back out to the desk.

━━━━━━━━━▲━━━━━━━━━

As the last hour wound down, there wasn't much to do, but you still managed to keep yourself busy.

Once your shift finished, you went back into the break room, saying goodbye to the few coworkers that were in there on your way out.

Nobody knew about this whole 'situation' with Jadon except for a few people, each of whom you trusted with every fibre of your being. You trusted them to keep this within the group, knowing that if it got out your name along with 'Jadon Sancho's girlfriend' would be everywhere.

As you walked out to your car, you got a text from Tom.

'Did you see his new post on ig?'

You instinctively rolled your eyes. What new flex would it be this time?

'I'll look at it when I get home' you replied as you dug your keys out of your pocket and unlocked your door.

On the whole ride home, you couldn't help but think about him. Even if you tried to think of something else, your mind would somehow twist whatever you were thinking about to always go back to him.

Pulling into the driveway, you had finally managed to stop thinking about him, since you were now thinking about what to eat for breakfast, seeing as it was only 7:18am.

You turned the car off and opened the door, practically hauling yourself out of the driver's seat.

Today was the most difficult 8-hour shift you've done to date, which meant you were beyond worn out.

Your sore feet somehow carried you into the house where, no surprise, your best friend was nowhere to be found.

You both typically worked opposite shifts, so you rarely saw each other, but sometimes you could catch each other just as one was returning home and the other was leaving.

Though it defeated the whole purpose of owning a house together, it was kinda nice to have the space all to yourself after a tough shift.

As you sat down, rather forcefully, on the couch, you flipped your shoes off and grabbed the tv remote sitting on the coffee table. You fully stretched out as you turned the tv on.

This was the routine you had grown accustomed to: you got home, let yourself relax for a bit, then got to work doing something else for a while, then went to bed.

As you pressed the button to turn on Netflix for perfect background noise, your phone went off.

You ignored it, deciding to wait till you had the show set up to check it.

DING! DING! DING!

Notification after notification piled up until you couldn't take it anymore.

You angrily dug your phone out of your pocket and looked at it, the screen lit up with even more texts from your coworker group chat.

You roll your eyes and groan, shifting your attention back to getting The Great British Baking Show on.

Once it started playing, you finally read through the texts.

'Y/N!'

'HAS ANYTHING HAPPENED WITH JADON'

'PLS TELL US'

'omg look at his latest post'

'DAMNNN'

'yall did y/n look @ the post'

'idk but 👀👀'

'he looks like a fboy to me tbh lmaooo sorry Y/N'

You couldn't help but laugh at the last one.

Switching to instagram, you check to see what all the fuss is about.

The post in question? No surprise, a few photos of him shirtless on his friend's expensive yacht.

You roll your eyes, "my god Jadon."

Despite posting classic fuckboy photos on instagram, you couldn't help but get a few butterflies in your stomach.

You double tap on the photo, then go back to the groupchat, only for a new text to pop up.

Jadon ⚽🔥 hey 😛

Another eye roll.

'hey Jadon'

'I saw you liked my recent 👀👀'

Uh oh. This won't end well.

'yeah'

'do you like what you see? 😜'

There it is.

'eh, ig. cr7 has better abs, though.'

'sure, for now.'

'right. I'll hold you to that.'

'wish you would hold something else, if you know what I mean 😉'

Jesus Christ.

'haha. what were you even drinking in that photo?'

'something exotic 🍹'

'yeah, it looks it.'

'haha yeah. anyways, wyd?'

There it is. The holy grail of fuckboys. The three letters everyone dreads. Oh no. Oh god.

'relaxing, I just got home from work.'

'really? it's almost 8 in the morning.'

'mhm. I worked 11p-7a. I'm tired.'

'are you still working @ the hotel we met at?'

'mhm'

'niceee. I'll be in town tm if you wanna meet up'

'yeah? who's the new lucky girl you'll bring this time?'

'no one. it'll only be us.'

'right. that's what you said last time.'

'this time will be different. I promise. you off tm?'

'yeah'

'ok. meet me at our café.'

'I have things to do too, you know, it's not all ab you Jadon.'

'damn, ok. well, if you decide to come, I'll be there at 12:30.'

'ok.'

'see you then, boo 😘'

━━━━━━━━━▲━━━━━━━━━

12:15, you showed up early, as per usual. You were sitting at the table you and Jadon would sit at every time you came, aka the closest to the window.

12:30. You were watching out the window, not taking your eyes away. He was nowhere to be seen.

12:45. He still wasn't there. Why were you even surprised?

1:00. Still no sign of him. You were almost finished with your coffee, and you were getting restless.

1:15. Everyone who had been there when you arrived were long gone, all the tables filled with new customers. You probably looked pathetic.

1:30. An hour after he said he would meet you, and you were fed up. Why did you even bother?

1:35. Nothing. No new messages or anything. You were done.

You walked out, trying your best to conceal your anger. You should be used to this. You should've known. Over an hour of your life wasted.

Just as you get back to your car your phone goes off. With a quick glance, you can tell it's Jadon.

'hey! sorry, something came up. can you do next week? I wanna make it up to you.'

You couldn't believe your eyes. You wasted over an hour,,, for that.

'no, I can't. I'm actually busy next week, and the week after that, & every week for the rest of my life.'

'haha, thats funny. what day can you do next week?'

'I just told you, I'm busy. I just wasted an hour of my life that I could've used doing literally ANYTHING else just for you to say that something came up,, & it was YOUR fucking idea!

'I like to think I'm a patient person, but that just sealed the deal. my god Jadon, I knew you were a fuckboy, I mean, we both joked ab it, but I didn't think it was this bad.

'stop dragging me out like this. just say you're using me for sex and go. I'm sick of getting my hopes up just for you to let me down again. I'm over it, and I'm over you. please fuck off Jadon'

It was marked as read the second it was sent. The three dots would pop up, then disappear, then pop up again. It went on for 2 minutes.

The final result?

'I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you.'

You left him on read.

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The next day you were back at work for a 3pm - 11pm shift. You had told everyone what happened, and they were angry and upset for you. A few were tempted to text him, but you told them that it would only escalate the already tense situation.

Around 10pm, you were winding down. There was only an hour left in your shift, and you had had a relatively slow day for once. And it seemed like it was going to be a normal shift.

You were sitting in the break room with some of your coworkers, watching a rerun of a golf game which you were, for some reason, invested in.

The bell rang outside, and although you were a bit upset to have to abandon the game, you weren't that upset, considering this was the slowest day you've had in a while.

As you walked out to greet the patron, your heart stopped and your stomach dropped.

It was Jadon, standing there with a white box and a teddy bear.

You glared at him, and a part of you filled with hatred, but the other part gushed at his gesture. He really was going to be the death of you.

"Hey, y/n. I'm really sorry about yesterday. I didn't mean to keep you waiting for over an hour. The reason why I didn't come was because I wanted to get you this."

He paused, gently setting the small box down on the desk, "I tried to get in quickly and pick this up, but the line was so long, I wanted to come and give it to you, but I figured I had kept you waiting long enough, so I called it off."

You're not convinced, but you wanna be. Every part of you wanted to forgive him,, but your stubbornness wouldn't let you.

He sees your shifty glance and sets the bear on the counter as well.

"I'm so so so sorry. I know I fucked up, and you have every right to be angry at me. But even if you never wanna see me again, can you please open it? Just for my sake?"

"If it'll make you leave faster." You respond, intending to sound bitter, but instead sounding shaky.

"I will. I know I can't keep promises, but this one I will. If you don't want to talk to me anymore, I will respect that."

You bite your lip and nod, looking down at the box and undoing the red ribbon. It looked very professional and well done.

As you lift the top off, your eyes widen and fill with tears. You can't help but slap a hand over your mouth.

Inside were all of the polaroids you've taken, ranging from the first time you hung out together, to a few months ago. There were ones of him playing football, and of you in various places doing a gesture that soon became an inside joke. You used to travel together all the time, you miss those days all the time.

The light blue camera used to take all of these photos was inside as well.

Jadon watched as you looked through the photos, a shy smile forming on his face.

"The camera still works, if you want to try it out." He said, voice barely above a whisper.

"Jadon, I-" you hesitated, and for the first time in your life, you were truly speechless.

"There's a, uh, there's a note on the bear." He muttered, looking down and scratching his neck.

You looked at him, and couldn't help but smile a bit. Only Jadon would do this.

Your attention turns to the bear, and sure enough, there was a note attached to its paw. Gently removing the handwritten note stuck to the paw, you read it carefully, clinging on to every word.

'Y/N,

I'm sorry if I hurt you yesterday. And I'm sorry if you feel that all we are is friends with benefits. I've always wanted more with you, but was too afraid to act.

I put up this fboy facade hoping I would attract someone who would be into,, that. But the one thing I didn't take into account was if I fell for someone.

Because my whole life changed when I met you.

I kept this act up, thinking you would be into it and fall for me, but that's not what happened. In fact, when the exact opposite happened, I was shocked.

Nobody liked the real me. That's why I started doing this, because that's what brought people in. And it worked, because it seemed as though everyone else fell for it, everyone except the one person I wanted.

And if I'm being honest, let's talk about the elephant in the room: we both know that I've loved you from the moment we met in this exact building 3 years ago.

You're all I've ever wanted. You're all I will ever want. I'm in love with you.

I'm willing to do whatever it takes to be with you, but it's up to you on whether or not you'll accept.'

A grin appeared on your face as tears streamed down your cheeks.

You looked up at him, a soft yet nervous expression on his face.

You came out from around the counter and threw your arms around him, burying your face in his neck.

"I'll take that as a yes, then?" He joked, making you laugh.

You look up at him. "On one condition."

"And what's that?"

"Stop being such a douche."

"Done. I don't need the facade when I have what I want."

------------------------

thanks for reading! this was my first footballer fic & im actually really proud of it! requests are open, and feel free to use one of the prompts I posted before!

this was for you anon, hope you liked it ;)

[massivedrickhead]

If you’re still taking prompts what about one where Beca finds out she has a heart condition and without a transplant could/will die, so rather than fighting for Chloe she lets her go so that she can have a happy life with Chicago. Only Aubrey, who Beca confided in, can’t bring herself to keep the secret from Chloe knowing that her best friend has been in love with Beca for several years. Refusing to deny Chloe the chance of being with the one she really wants, she tells her the truth.

This turned out way longer than I planned, I just hope it’s good.

Beca pulled out her phone as soon as she climbed into the back of the Uber, her other hand running absentmindedly against her chest, as if she could massage away the constant ache that was there.

“Patient or visitor?” The driver asked.

“Sorry?” Beca asked, tearing her eyes away from her phone. 

“I picked you up from the hospital. Are you a patient or a visitor?”

“Uh, neither,” Beca said, lying easily as she looked back at her phone. “My friend works there and I met her for lunch.”

“Oh cool,” he said. “What does your friend do?”

Beca tried not to roll her eyes. “Cardiologist,” she replied. 

“Cool, cool,” he said, nodding. “So, you single?”

“I have a girlfriend,” she said, lying again. “Am I cool to make a call?”

“Oh, yeah no problem,” he said, sounding disappointed.

She hadn’t planned on calling anyone now, but she didn’t want to deal with the nosey Uber driver for much longer. So she called Chloe and, of course, the redhead answered almost immediately.

“Hey!” Came Chloe’s bubbly voice on the other end of the phone. “How are you?”

“Uh, yeah I’m alright. Listen, are you free tonight?” Beca asked, her stomach twisting slightly as she crossed her fingers hoping Chloe would say yes.

“No, sorry, I’m out with Chicago tonight,” Chloe replied, sounding genuinely sorry. “Why?”

“Oh, no reason. I just felt like going for a drink,” Beca said, heart sinking. “Have a good night.”

“Will do, thanks.” Chloe paused. “Are you okay? You sound weird.”

“Yeah I’m fine. I’d better go but I’ll talk to you later, yeah?” Beca said. 

“Okay sure,” Chloe said. “Bye.”

“Bye.”

Beca hung up the phone and sat back in her seat, looking out the window. 

A jolt of pain shot through her chest again and she winced. 

She’d been hoping to tell Chloe tonight. She had a lot of stuff she needed to tell Chloe.

She picked up her phone again and called Aubrey.

Ever since the blonde had moved to New York a few months ago, the two had gotten close. They’d previously only spent time together outside of the Bellas because they had a mutual love of Chloe’s company. When Chloe started spending more of her time with Chicago, Beca and Aubrey just started hanging out together.

“Hello Beca.”

“Hey Aubrey. What are you doing right now?” Beca said, realising she couldn’t wait until tonight. 

“Nothing really, just working from home. What’s up?” Aubrey asked.

“Can you come over?” 

There must have been something in Beca’s voice, because Aubrey didn’t question her further. She just said “sure, see you in like 30 minutes” before ending the call.

The car pulled up outside Beca’s Brooklyn apartment, and she got out after shooting a quick “thanks” to the driver. 

She paced her tiny apartment until she heard Aubrey’s sharp and familiar knock against her door.

“Hey,” she said, letting Aubrey in. 

“Hi,” Aubrey said, looking concerned. “What’s going on?”

“Um… I don’t really know how to say it,” Beca said, running a hand through her hair. The pain in her chest was increasing her anxiety even more. 

“Sit down,” Aubrey said. Beca sat on the edge of her bed and put her head in her hands. “Take a deep breath and just tell me when you’re ready.”

Beca nodded put kept her head in her hands.

“I’ve been to the hospital,” she said, not looking at Aubrey. “I’ve… They just diagnosed me with a heart condition.”

“Shit,” Aubrey breathed out. She sat beside Beca on the bed and put a hand on her leg, which had been bouncing up and down. “So, what does this mean?”

“Well they told me a lot of scary shit but essentially I…” She swallowed hard, her voice shaking slightly. “I need a transplant.” 

“Jesus, Beca,” Aubrey said. “Did… Did they say how long you can wait?”

“About a year, give or take a few months,” Beca said, and she heard Aubrey let out a shaky breath beside her. 

“I’m so sorry Beca. This… This really fucking sucks.”

Beca let out a teary laugh. “It really fucking does.”

“But we’re gonna be here for you, you know that right? All of us,” Aubrey said. “You’ll just have to be careful when you tell Chloe, she’s probably gonna try and buy you a heart on the black market or something.”

Beca’s stomach twisted at the thought of telling Chloe. 

“Aubrey… Chloe… I’m… I’m in love with her,” Beca said, finally spilling the secret she’d held onto for years. 

“I know, Becs,” Aubrey said, sadly. “You know, you should tell her. She might… reciprocate.”

Beca laughed again but this time without humour. She shook her head.

“I’m not doing that to her. She’s happy with Chicago. They’re engaged for fucks sake. They live together. I’m not telling her ‘oh I’m in love with you and by the way I have about a year to live.’ Even if she does feel the same, I’m not gonna put her through that. She has a chance to be happy with Chicago and I’m not gonna ruin it.”

“Beca you should let that be her decision,” Aubrey said, her heart breaking slightly. 

Beca shook her head again. “I’m not doing it. Even if I get the transplant and it’s a complete success, it’ll give me maybe another 8 or 9 years if I’m lucky. Best case scenario, I’ll make it to my 30s and she’ll have to start over again. You can’t tell her, Aubrey. Promise me.”

Aubrey sighed. “I promise.”

Aubrey stayed and talked with Beca for a few more hours before leaving her to get some rest.

Having talked and cried for hours with Aubrey, Beca was exhausted. She changed and crawled into bed and fell asleep almost immediately, trying not to think about the ticking time bomb in her chest.

It felt like seconds later that Beca heard a knock at her door, but when she jolted awake the room was dark. She checked her phone and saw it was 9pm. They knocked again.

“Just a sec,” she called, flicking on a lamp before answering the door. Chloe was standing there with a worried expression. “What’s up?” Beca asked, stepping aside to let her in.

“You sounded weird on the phone earlier,” Chloe said. 

“I thought you were going out with Chicago tonight?” Beca asked rubbing her eyes to wake herself up.

“We were out, but I was worried about you,” Chloe said. “I asked him to drop me off on the way home.”

“Oh, you should have just called, I’m fine. I feel like you’ve had a wasted journey,” Beca said, her stomach twisting again at the lie.

“Beca,” Chloe sighed. “Come on. This is me you’re talking to, remember? I know when something’s wrong.”

“Have you spoken to Aubrey?” Beca asked, worrying about what the blonde might have told her.

“No? Should I have?” Chloe asked. Her confusion seemed genuine and Beca felt a small wash of relief.

“No,” Beca said. “She was here earlier, I thought she might have called you.”

“What’s going on Becs?” 

The use of the nickname combined with her soft voice and the scared look on Chloe’s face finally made Beca break. 

Through tears and stops and starts, Beca told Chloe about her appointment with the doctors. About the list of mediation she now had to take. About the length of time she had left unless she got that transplant.

Chloe cried with her, but was far more composed than Beca had expected. Chloe was devastated, but she was also calm and reassuring. 

At one point she sent a text to Chicago to let him know she would’t be home, and she crawled into bed beside Beca. Wrapping her in her arms the way she used to when she still lived there.

“It’s gonna be okay,” she said softly, brushing the hair from her face. “I’m gonna be with you the whole time.”

And to her credit, she was.

She took Beca to all her appointments, and stayed with her no matter how long the wait was.

She helped her keep track of all her medication and drove her to the pharmacy when she needed to get more.

When Beca was too sick to get out of bed, she’d come over and cook for her and stayed until she fell asleep.

And Beca fell more and more in love.

It lead to some heated arguments with Chicago, who felt like Chloe was being taken advantage of, and that she cared more about Beca than about him, but Chloe didn’t care. 

Beca was her best friend, and she loved her.

She really loved her.

When Beca collapsed in the grocery store and was rushed to hospital, Chloe was person they called. She was Beca’s emergency contact.

Aubrey arrived soon after Chloe, and what she saw upon entering Beca’s room broke her heart.

Beca was lying unconscious in the hospital bed, various tubes and wires attached to her. The beeping of her heart on the monitor was erratic, as if it was struggling to carry on beating.

Chloe was beside her, clutching her hand, tears spilling down her cheeks.

“I thought she had more time,” Chloe said, her voice breaking. 

Aubrey swallowed the lump in her throat and sat in the empty seat beside Chloe.

“What did the doctor say?”

“She might pull through but,” Chloe sniffed and wiped her eyes, “but this might be it. Even if she does wake up, she needs that transplant soon.”

“Don’t give up on her yet,” Aubrey said, her own tears falling. “She’s strong. She’s stubborn.”

Chloe nodded, and so they waited.

“She’s in love with you, you know,” Aubrey said after a few hours of waiting. It was 11pm and her voice was hoarse and tired. 

Chloe, who had been lightly tracing the tattoo on Beca’s wrist with her finger, froze.

“What?” She whispered.

“Beca’s in love with you. She made me promise not to say but… But I know how you feel about her. I can see it. I can see how much you love her. The way you look at her… the way you talk to her, the way you talk about her. I can see it,” Aubrey said. “I want you to be happy. I want you both to be happy. You don’t love Chicago, not in the same way.”

“Why didn’t she tell me?” Chloe choked out. “We could have been together. We could have had all this time together!”

“Because she’s dying,” Aubrey said. “She thought you were happy with Chicago and she didn’t want to ruin that.”

Chloe shook her head, tears spilling out again. “Why are you telling me now, when it’s too late?”

“I’m sorry,” Aubrey said. “You just… You deserve to know the truth, while she’s still alive. I should have told you sooner but I… I thought she had more time too.”

A man cleared his throat and the two women jumped.

“Sorry to interrupt but, we’re going to need to take her to surgery now.” A man in a white coat was standing by the door and several other doctors and nurses came in. “We found a donor and we have to move quick.”

Chloe didn’t want to let Beca’s hand go, but she knew she had to. She kissed her on the forehead.

“When this is done,” she whispered to her, “when you’re awake, we’re gonna have a talk. I love you.” She straightened up and and watched as they wheeled her away, fear and hope flooding every part of her.

Before he left the doctor told them the surgery would take about four hours, so Aubrey convinced Chloe to go home so she could at least shower and eat. 

Chloe did, and while she was there she broke up with Chicago. Whatever happened with Beca, Chloe knew she couldn’t be with him. Aubrey was right, she didn’t love him like that.

When Aubrey picked her up a two hours later, her eyes were red from crying and she looked as tired as Aubrey felt.

They headed back to the waiting room, and they waited for news.

“Beca Mitchell?” The doctor asked the almost empty waiting room. Chloe and Aubrey jumped up and ran towards him. “You’re here for Ms Mitchell, yes?” They nodded, both too terrified to speak. “This way, please.”

They followed him down a corridor and he gestured towards a window. They looked through and saw Beca sleeping, still attached to various machines. Aubrey couldn’t help but notice that the heart monitor was showing a much more regular beeping.

“It was a success,” he said. “We’re confident the body has accepted the organ. The next few days will be critical, and she’s going to be in the hospital for a few more weeks, but she should make a full recovery.” 

Chloe dissolved into tears, and Aubrey thanked the doctor over and over.

“You can sit with her if you like but don’t expect her to wake up anytime soon,” he said. 

They thanked him again and spent the next few hours sleeping in the chairs beside her bed.

Beca was confused when she woke up, but after everything was explained to her the relief on her face was visible. 

Chloe waited for a few days before broaching the subject of ‘them’. 

Beca was sleeping, so Chloe sat beside her and picked up her hand as she always did, only this time she pressed a kiss to her knuckles.

Beca stirred and opened her eyes, smiling when she saw her.

“Hey,” she said, sleepily. 

“Hey,” Chloe replied. “I want to say something. Something I’ve wanted to say for a very long time.”

“Okay,” Beca said, confused. “Go for it.”

“I love you,” she said. 

“You… Really?”

“Really. I want to be with you.”

“I want to be with you too,” Beca said. “But, you know I’m still… I still don’t have a lot of time. I mean, I might have a year. I might have ten. But I don’t have… forever.”

“No one has forever,” Chloe said, pushing the thought of losing Beca out of her mind. “I want to spend whatever time is left as your girlfriend. I want to spend every minute of it with you.”

“You’re… You’re sure about this?”

“I’ve been in love with you since before we graduated. Since before you kissed Jesse. I don’t want to spend another second not being with you,” Chloe said, tears in her eyes. “If this isn’t what you want then that’s okay, but don’t push me away to try and protect me. I know this is going to be hard. I know we don’t have as much time as we deserve. But that doesn’t stop me from being in love with you.”

“Okay,” Beca said, finally giving in. “Okay, let’s do this.”

And they finally kissed.

[crazy-little-cool-cat]

Hand in Glove - Chapter 26 | Ben Hardy x OFC

A/N: I am having a very, very hard time wrapping my head around the fact that there are only four (4) more chapters left for the story. It literally gives me anxiety. 

Warnings: Smut ahead with a sprinkle of melodrama. 

Word Count: ~2.9K. Not that bad, if I dare say so myself!

Chapter 1, Chapter 2,  Chapter 3,  Chapter 4,  Chapter 5,  Chapter 6,  Chapter 7,  Chapter 8,  Chapter 9,  Chapter 10,  Chapter 11, Chapter 12, Chapter 13, Chapter 14 , Chapter 15 , Chapter 16 , Chapter 17 , Chapter 18 , Chapter 19 , Chapter 20 , Chapter 21 , Chapter 22 , Chapter 23 , Chapter 24, Chapter 25

Ben opened the front door as quietly as he could, hoping to surprise Annie. The hall light was on for Frankie, but the rest of the house was pitch black. His shoulders slumped as he dropped his bag to the floor. 

The noise woke Frankie up from her slumber, and she came bolting out the living room, barking bloody murder. Her barks quickly turned into happy whines and yelps when she saw Ben standing at the hall. She rolled over on her back, her whole body swinging from side to side as she wagged her tail while he kicked off his shoes. 

“Oh, my baby!” Ben scratched her belly and dropped to sit on the floor next to her. “Daddy missed you!” 

He heard Annie and Rory approach the door and turned to face it. He could hear Annie’s muffled voice coming up the walkway and up the stairs, a jingle of keys. Rory banging on the door. The scream that came out of Rory as soon as she saw her dad sitting on the floor was deafening. She writhed and wriggled, forcing Annie to put her on the floor. 

Rory crawled at lightning speed towards Ben. He spread his arms and legs open, inviting her in for a cuddle. When she reached him, she braced her hands on his torso and pulled herself up to stand. 

“Clever girl!!!” Ben’s smile could have lit up the entire neighbourhood. “What a clever girl you are!” He wrapped his arms around her and gave her a gentle squeeze. “Come on, up we go!” he said, standing up carefully. 

Annie stood in the doorway still, looking rather sheepish. Ben walked over to her and gave her a lingering kiss, while Rory smacked his cheeks impatiently. 

“When did you get home?” Annie asked as they broke the kiss off. “Could’ve picked you up!” 

“I just got home a couple of minutes before you did, actually.” He bounced Rory on his hip. “Are you ready to take a bath and go to Auntie Clara’s?” Ben asked. 

“Ben, she just got home!” Annie laughed and took off her shoes. “Leave her be.” 

“I just missed your mum so bad!” Ben explained to Rory, moving his face out of her reach as she made grabby hands at his nose. “No, baby. That’s attached and you know it.” 

###

“Another one?” Ben asked, referring to the show they were binge-watching on Netflix together. “Hey, hey. Stay with me here.” 

Annie rubbed her cheek against Ben’s white t-shirt, listening to his heart beat. She moved her face to look at him, resting her chin on the back of her hands, right in the middle of his chest. She was so tired, and he felt so cozy, wrapped around her and keeping her warm and safe. It was just the two of them - Clara offered to take Frankie in for the night, as well. 

“C’mere…” Ben grunted and pulled Annie up on his body so they could look at each other properly. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here for the chicken pox crisis.”

“I’m sorry I called you a tosser.” Annie whispered back. She smiled when Ben took a lock of her hair and twirled it around his finger. Just like Rory did when she was tired or moody. “I’m just tired. Worn out. Alone.” 

“You’re never alone.” Ben’s eyes locked on Annie’s. “Ever. You have me.” 

“Not when you’re not here.” 

“Annie, if I could quit working and never leave your side…” 

“I’m not asking you to do that.” Annie bent her knees to get more comfortable. “I’m asking you to maybe take jobs that are closer to home?” 

“I’ll try to stay closer next time.” Ben took Annie’s hand and kissed her knuckles. “Or… you could come with me. Bring Rory and Frankie…” 

“Now you’re just nonsensical.” Annie rolled her eyes and entwined her fingers with his. “I still have Greensleeves.”

“When it ends, then.” 

“Ben, really.”

“Just… just let me fantasise.” Ben bit his bottom lip.

“Is reality so horrible, Jones?” Annie sat up and felt a familiar bump under her. “When you said fantasise -”

“Not what I meant, but you’re not wearing any pants and I haven’t seen you in weeks.” His hands caressed their way over to her hips. “Can I ask you something?” 

“Sure.”

“Do you love me?” Ben asked.

“What?”

“Answer the question.” 

“Of course I love you. Are you having a stroke?” 

“Do you love me?” 

“What, you mean am I in love with you?” Annie raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah.” 

“Are you seriously asking this?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Ben, what’s this -”

“Just answer the question. Are you in love with me?” 

“Yes.” Annie breathed out. “Yes. Of course.” 

“That’s all I wanted to hear.” Ben smiled, the tip of his tongue poking through his teeth. “Was afraid you might not be anymore. For leaving you.” 

“Fiercely and forever, Jones.” Annie leaned forward to kiss him. “You’re stuck with me.”

“Fiercely and forever.” 

###

“Ben, harder.” 

“I’ll - ah, shit - I’ll break your pelvis if I go any harder!” 

Skin slapping skin. Ben and Annie were drenched in sweat, their muscles were shaking, their bodies exerted. Ben shifted the angle a bit and started thrusting again. Annie turned to jello. Her body collapsed forward, her back arching like it never did before. Ben licked his lips and grabbed onto her hips, picking up pace. 

“Yeah?” He asked, “like that?”

“Hm.” 

“Yeah. That’s a good girl.” He slapped Annie’s bum. “Such a good fucking girl.” 

“Ben, I -” Annie was panting, swivelling her hips and bucking back against Ben. She tried to brace herself up on her elbows. 

“No, no, no.” He lunged forward, his chest pressed against her back. “You stay down. That’s a good girl. Right there. Go lower. That’s it.”

He was just about to lean up when Annie let out a muffled ‘no’. She needed him to crush her. She needed to feel him. Snaking an arm under her, he rolled them over on their sides, realigned their hips, and rolled them back the way they were. 

“Spread your legs for me - hm!” Ben could feel the tingling sensations at the tips of his fingers and toes, indicating he was getting close. “Listen to me. Are you listening?” 

“Uh-huh.” 

“I want you to cum on my cock.” 

That’s all the encouragement Annie needed. Clenching around him, she let herself go, moaning. 

“Fuck yeah.” Ben reached around. He rubbed her clit, making her legs shake under him. “Did you just cum? Did you just fucking cum on my cock?” 

“Mhm.” 

“Fuck. Are you ready?” Ben’s voice was like a low growl in her ears. “Answer me.” 

“Yes. Yes.” Annie nodded as best as she could, feeling another wave about to wash over her. “Don’t stop. Don’t fucking stop.” 

“Fuck, fuck, fuckfuckfuckfuck.” Ben’s low moans were like music to Annie’s ears, and then his body relaxed on top of hers, crushing her into the mattress. “I am so fucking in love with you. Fuck. What fucking time is it?”

“How would I know?” Annie mumbled. 

“Christ.” Ben leaned up and looked at the clock on the nightstand next to Annie’s side of the bed. 11PM. “You hungry?” 

“Crusty.” Annie said and started laughing. “So crusty.” 

“Let’s go get cleaned up, then.”

###

“No more talkin’…” Annie mumbled, her lids heavy. “Need sleep.” 

“Fuck that.” Ben kissed the top of her head. “I missed you too much to let you sleep.” 

“Ben, please.” 

“Tell me about your plans for the next week.” 

“No!” Annie whined. 

“Please?” 

“Fine. Work Monday. Then OB-GYN check up Tuesday. Work the rest of the week.” Annie recited her weekly agenda monotonously. “Happy?” 

“OB-GYN? Something the matter?” Ben’s nerves immediately kicked in. 

“No, whacko.” Annie snuggled up to him. “Just a regular check up to see everything’s in place.” 

“Huh.” 

“Yeah.” 

“What if we don’t want it to be in place anymore?” 

“What?” 

“Just take the damn thing out.” 

“And then what? Go back to using condoms?” 

“No.” 

“That’s how babies happen…” Annie murmured and drifted off to sleep.

###

Annie woke up with a jolt. Ben wasn’t in bed with her. It was still dark outside, and Frankie was nowhere in sight. She thought she heard Ben say something just as she drifted off to sleep, but she wasn’t sure if she heard right. Once her tired mind caught up with Ben’s words and processed them, she was already away in Dreamland. 

Until she wasn’t. 

Reaching over to Ben’s side, she felt the sheets. Still warm. He hasn’t been gone very long. Chalking it up to jet lag, Annie sighed and grabbed his pillow, hugging it as she curled up on her side. Not long after, Ben came back, smelling like cigarettes.

“Where’d you go?” She asked, startling him. 

“Jesus bloody Christ!” Ben turned around. “You’re awake?” 

“Just woke up a few minutes ago.” 

“Something wrong?” 

“Did you really tell me to ask Dr. McCarthy to take the IUD out?” Annie sat up. “Or was that just my brain being weird?” 

“I did.” 

“You did?”

“I did, yes.” 

“Have you gone mad?” Annie’s voice was oddly calm. “Ben, if she takes it out -”

“We’ll have a baby.” 

Annie blinked at her boyfriend as if he grew a tail out of his forehead. 

“Am I asleep right now?” Annie finally asked. 

“No.” Ben said as he rolled back into bed and curled up on his side, facing her. 

“Did you just imply that you want another baby?” 

“Don’t you?”

“Someday, maybe, I…” Annie rolled over onto her back. “Rory’s not even a year old yet.” 

“I’m aware of that.” 

“You’re not even around -”

“I’ll be back, y’know.” Ben chuckled. 

“Ben, I can hardly manage one by myself.”

“Just think about it.” He said, putting his hand on top of hers. “That’s all I’m asking.” 

“I…” Annie clasped her fingers around his. “Ben, this is -” 

“If you’re going to pull an Annie, at least tell me where you’re going.” 

“Jamie’s.” 

“Damn it. Fine.”

###

“Do you realise the time -” Jamie started bleating, but stopped when he saw the look on Annie’s face as she stood at his door. “What’s wrong?” 

“Are you alone?” 

“Yeah, yeah.” Jamie stepped aside, inviting Annie in. “Annie, what’s wrong?” 

“Ben wants another baby.” 

“I figured he would.” Jamie put his hands on his hips, his sweats hanging low on his hip bones, chest bare. “Why are you here?” 

“I… don’t know.” Annie confessed. “I just needed to -”

“Pull an Annie?” 

“He knows where I am, though.” She said, her face expressionless.

“Annie, you’re starting to scare me.” Jamie stepped closer to her. “Are you alright?” 

“I don’t know.” 

“Why are you here?” 

“I don’t know…” 

“I’m this -” he held up his thumb and finger, millimetres apart from one another, “ -close to slapping you right now.”

“Jamie, I’m terrified.”

“Of what? Knowing what you want, finally?”

###

“You did not.” Clara’s blue eyes shot daggers at Ben. “You did not tell her that. No way.” 

“I did, and she had that face again.” Ben nodded and bounced Rory on his hip. “Like the one she made when she found out she was pregnant.” 

“Ben, did America turn you into an utter moron?” Clara sat down on her sofa, staring up at her best friend’s boyfriend and child. “What on earth possessed you to tell her you want another baby?!” 

“Well, wanting another baby.” 

“I don’t understand.” 

“It’s not that complicated, really.” Ben shrugged. “I love her. She loves me. We’re going to spend the rest of our lives together -” 

“Says who?” Clara scoffed. “Just because you made this one -”

“Says me.” Ben moved Rory over to his other hip. “I know we’ll spend the rest of our lives together.” 

“Not offence, Jones,” Clara’s awestruck expression remained, “but I think you might have ruined your chances there.” 

“How would you know?” 

“Where’s Annie?” 

“At Jamie’s, what does that have to do with anything?” 

“Oh, Ben.” Clara slapped both hands over her mouth. “Start praying.”

“For what, exactly?” 

“For yourself. For your relationship.” Clara shook her head in disbelief. “What have you done?”

###

“Why are you so freaked out, again?” Jamie yawned. 

“Because this isn’t me.” Annie sighed. “I’m not the kid-loving, mum-type. I’m not wife material. I’m hardly -”

“Right, listen to me very carefully.” Jamie sat up, propping his elbows on his thighs to lean closer to Annie, “you are definitely wife material. You’re an amazing mum.” 

“That! Right there!” Annie almost whined. “That’s the part I’m freaked out about!” 

“Explain.” 

“When I found out I was pregnant with Rory,” Annie picked at a loose string on Jamie’s sofa, “I gave Ben a whole speech about not wanting to be the wife waiting at home and raising kids alone while he’s off and -”

“And you are.” 

“Exactly!” 

“You love him.” Jamie stated. 

“I -” Annie opened and closed her mouth a couple of times. “Yes. Yes, and it’s terrifying, Jamie.” 

“He clearly loves you.” 

“He does.” Annie nodded. 

“You’re just -” Jamie scoffed. “You’re such an idiot, Annie. You two were made for each other. What are you so scared of!?” 

“What if this doesn’t work out?” Annie’s voice was almost a whisper. “What if it’s not meant to work out? What if I say no and it’ll break his heart and -” 

“What if pigs could fly?” Jamie asked. “What if aliens exist? What if we’re all living in a simulator and there’s someone - something - controlling our every move?” 

“What?” Annie’s face contorted in confusion. “What are you talking about?” 

“Annie, you need to talk to Ben about this. Not me.” Jamie shrugged. “I can’t help you.”

###

Ben was just walking down the stairs after putting Rory down for a nap when Annie opened the front door. He froze, foot still in the air, and held his breath. They locked eyes and just stood there, frozen in time. Each waiting for the other to make the first move. Say the first word. 

Annie was the first one to snap back to reality. She closed the door behind her and placed the keys in the bowl by the door. Seeing her move seemed to defrost Ben. He stomped down the stairs and walked up to her. Almost in a daze, she walked towards him and wrapped her arms around his waist, hugging him as tight as she could. 

“You alright?” Ben asked after kissing the top of her head. He felt her shake her head against his chest. “Okay.” 

They stood in the hall for nearly ten minutes, hugging quietly. Ben felt his shirt getting damp right where Annie’s face was, and tears started pricking his own eyes. He couldn’t stand it when she cried. It was even worse knowing he was the reason she’s crying. Clara’s words repeated in his head like a mantra. Start praying. For yourself. For your relationship. 

“What have I done?” he thought out loud and felt Annie’s body shake as a muffled sob tore through her. “Annie, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. What have I done?” 

Annie couldn’t speak. She didn’t trust her voice to work right. She could barely breathe. 

“Please say something.” Ben sniffled. “Please. At least look at me.” 

Annie’s tear-stained face looked up at him, her bottom lip quivering even more at the sight of Ben’s face.

“It’s over, isn’t it?” Ben whispered.

“Kill Jamie.” Annie’s voice was almost a croak. “Fuck Joe,” she continued, making Ben frown with confusion. “Marry Ben.”

“What?” Ben wiped her tears away with his thumbs. 

“Fuck-Marry-Kill.” Annie licked her salty lips. “Kill Jamie, fuck Joe, marry Ben.”

“Annie, you’re not making any sense.” Ben searched Annie’s face for an explanation, a clarification. A sign that she hasn’t lost her marbles. “Kill Jamie, fuck Joe, marry me?” 

“I’m not ready for another baby.” A fresh wave of tears came streaming down her face. “Not now…” 

“That’s alright.” Ben’s thumbs were like windshield wipers. Wiping away Annie’s tears, unrelenting. “That’s alright.” 

“I…” Annie started and stopped, trying to find the right words. “I’m scared.” 

“Of what?” 

“You.” Annie’s voice broke again and she cleared her throat. “I just can’t -” 

“No. No, no.” Ben’s knees buckled and he dropped to the floor, grasping Annie’s hands in his. “This isn’t happening.” 

“I love you and -” Annie bit her bottom lip and looked up at the ceiling, “ -and I’m terrified. I never wanted to…” 

“Annie, I’m begging you.” Ben tugged on her hands. “You have nothing to be scared of. I won’t hurt you. I’ll quit acting and stay home and do whatever you want.” His eyes seemed to stare into her soul. “Annie. Please.” 

“Ben, I -” he looked down at the floor, feeling defeated. “ -Look at me. I need you to promise.” 

“Anything.” 

“Are we really fiercely and forever?” Annie asked. Ben nodded furiously. “Do you understand what I’m saying or are you forcing the words out of me even though you know how much I -”

Ben’s brows knotted as he processed what Annie said. 

“Kill Jamie,” he parroted, “fuck Joe, marry me?” 

“That’s what I said and you told me I make no -”

“Kill Jamie, fuck Joe,” Ben looked up at Annie, still kneeling on the floor, and a smile started to tug at the corners of his mouth. “Marry me.”

Annie nodded, tightening her grip on his hands. 

“You’re not ending this.” Ben stated. 

Annie shook her head. 

“You’re not ending this…” Ben repeated. “You’re not ending this!” 

Annie shook her head faster, a smile creeping up on her lips. 

“One last time, to see if I got it right.” Ben bothered his bottom lip with his teeth as he inhaled deeply. “Kill Jamie. Fuck Joe.” Ben grinned as realisation dawned him. “Marry me?” 

“Yeah.” Annie nodded and yelped when Ben pulled her down to the floor to sit in his lap. “Fiercely and forever, Jones.”

###

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