#i will say i do think a big reason people hate this power imbalance

[taylortruther]

I think a lot us try to draw on our own experiences to find empathy for Taylor’s situation. I have an ex with whom I’ve kept a cordial relationship, but when a close friend visited over the holidays, she wanted all the details! I may have overshared some of the negative, but it was all true! 😂 meanwhile another friend actually apologized for still following my ex because she likes the content (and that’s fine!). Taylor is us but just more public and magnified.

i hear you! but tbh, i think some people (like the person who just added tags to my post about what it means to "get over" something) just think that with taylor's platform, she shouldn't... be allowed to be this petty, or shady, or this communicative. they believe the power imbalance between her and joe makes that extremely unfair to him, the same way it was unfair for her to write songs about john, or jake, or any other guy. because this isn't your bestie asking for gossip, taylor has those and she has talked to them privately; instead, she's communicating with a bunch of strangers, some of whom will then take it out on your ex himself.

and personally, i'm the type that doesn't talk shit about exes anymore! i feel very tenderly for my last two serious partners, i don't want my friends to be assholes, even well-meaning ones, about them. even the last person who treated me like shit is not really a topic of conversation amongst my friends. so i kind of get why these fans don't like how taylor is acting.

that said, i don't really think any of this is worth pearl clutching over idk. she is a public figure, and fans can act above it, but her relationships are of public interest, so she has a right to respond publicly - and so does he. he also has many followers, he also has a publicist, he can respond if he chooses! he's not a nobody. he's choosing his path just like she's choosing hers.

[usernamesuggestionsarefunny]

No Penelope hater will ever convince me that lying about being a petty gossip writer who writes things people don't like is even anywhere remotely near a quarter of a quarter (of a quarter of a quarter, and I mean it) of the EVIL trying to commit paternity fraud is.

I can't count how many times I have read Marina defenders and Penelope haters saying shit like: "Fans of Penelope love criticizing Marina for lying to Colin, but Penelope also lied to him about Lady Whistledown haha gotcha I am so smart."

You people truly don't understand, perhaps because most of tumblr is women so you would never ever be in that position, but that shit HURTS fathers and children.

Imagine having your baby switched at birth and later discovering it, and finding out that the child you raised and love isn't yours, but that is not even counting the "betrayal by someone you thought loved you and had your happiness and best interests at heart" aspect. Imagine BEING that child, and loosing your father figure if your father happens to react badly to the trauma of that betrayal, by shutting off or growing distant.

It is foul, it is a despicable violation of trust. It IS taking advantage of someone and it is NOT the same as being a mean gossip idgaf what you think.

"But it was other times, women in society, she had little choice and blah blah." Context has never stopped fandoms from bashing characters IF they TRULY consider their actions despicable. Daphne's lack of modern sex ed knowledge and the power imbalance between her and Simon hasn't stopped the fandom from hating her for what she did to him, rightfully so.

And Marina did have choices, granted none nearly as selfishly appealing as taking advantage of someone else not at fault for your situation to make the best for yourself, granted perhaps I would have been as foul, cynical, cowardly, and lacking of empathy as her if pushed hard enough by the circumstances, but she did have choices, and just because I see myself taking the easy road doesn't mean that path is any less evil. Bad things you see yourself doing are still bad folks, evil is no less evil because it is relatable.

The only reason Marina isn't hated as much is that the fandom simply doesn't think paternal fraud is that much of a big deal and that many see themselves doing the same thing, to which I can only say... don't your freaking assholes lmao.

Btw genuine question, in case I am wrong and the fandom DOES bash Marina, where are they? Where the hell are those Marina haters people keep complaining about? Where is the bashing I keep hearing about? Whenever I search for stuff analysing that time Penelope saved Colin's ass (Which is what she did and is rarely framed s such, bite me), all I see is people excusing and shamelessly trivializing Marina's actions by comparing them to being a freaking gossip writer of all things. Where are her haters? Where are my people so I can follow them?!

[kerubimcrepin]

Wakfu Season 3, Episodes 1-6

//tw mentions of SA

Episode 1 - Fallen Heroes

I had a very long discussion with a friend of mine, who is a fan of medical settings, about how cool the existence of IV within the lore of Krosmoz is.

We didn't come to any conclusion. It was just us fanboying about this. Because my friend loves medical things and I love putting character into situations (some of which would not be survivable, if them being put on IV wasn't possible) (big fan of the concept of Joris getting poisoned and very sick and Kerubim and Atcham freaking the fuck out).

Funnily enough, during the making of my YouTube series, I discovered that there are two Sram-venerating women named Toxine in this franchise.

Adamai harbouring feelings of violence towards the members of the brotherhood is a good idea, (<- obviously the guy that wants Joris to beat the shit out of Kerubim would say this), but man, it could have been so cool if someone competent was working with this idea.

Episode 3 - Oropo's Tower

I should admit, this moment was probably a big win for Tristepin Mental Illness fans. Also, this is sadly the most explicit they can get with the reasons why Tristepin might hate being the Iop god in a cartoon.

He has plenty of reasons. Not only had Iop had 394824 demigods who hated him and felt abandoned by him while suffering fates worse than death (all gods have those) and just as many mortals he took advantage of using the power imbalance of godhood and promises of love (all gods have done that), he also canonically sexually assaulted a woman.

Ngl, if I was Tristepin, I would be considering killing myself — however, the kids and the wife would be sad.

They shuoild do this to Yugo too. He also had other wives. Albeit in an infinitely less insane way than Tristepin. Ankama.., please stop ignoring how existentially horrifying the Eliatrope demigods are.

In the Dofus MMO Kerubim pretty much calls the brotherhood of the forgotten an emo club of people with too much free time on their hands doing nothing but whining about their daddy issues.

And he was so real for that.

Btw canonically, Mishelle/Coqueline makes him feel intimidated (due to her grand age) while she herself doesn't really care about him (besides liking his good attitude towards animals), and is actually besties with Otomai.

Episode 4 - Beastly Girl

I like to headcanon that Joris's relationship with Coqueline is that he projects onto her ("oh god.... being 7 forever would make me kill myself.... even being 3ft tall is already horrible and makes me want to die..... the poor woman must be suffering") while she's like,, 1. probably doesn't think of herself as a "woman". I think she would describe herself as a creature, maybe a girlcreature, and 2. is literally chilling and doesn't give a single shit about anything but animal welfare and direct anti-god action.

I think talking to her would kill Joris because he'd realize that not every immortal person is as insecure about Literally Everything as he is.

She literally says, "the only good gods are ex-gods". We stan a leftist girlcreature?

This screenshot can be used as a reaction image for so many different shows. More fictional parents should say "my child is NOT ascending to godhood and shedding their mortality, becoming something beyond my comprehension, before they're of age. Fuck you."

Episode 5 - A Iop Hides Himself to Cry

You want to read @bitter-panacea's analysis posts about Goultard so bad.

Despite my negative feeling on s3, this is a WIN for Goultard fans, as far as I'm aware. (and Goultard enjoyers, since I kinda consider myself one)

I;'m going to walk into the sea.

Episode 6 - The Ecaflip's Scratching Post

YEAH BABY, A FULL ON IN-SHOW CONFIRMATION OF MY "USH HAS A DIFFERENT MOM THAN KERUBIM AND ATCHAM" HYPOTHESIS.

This might not seem like a contentious issue to normal people. Gods have... a lot of different lovers, so it seems normal to assume that Ush has one mom, while Kerubim and Atcham are twins like Eleley and Flopin, and have a different mom...

But a cancelled game that Tot really liked and still considers canon had really weird "there's an Ecaflip priestess who is the CEO of Giving Birth" lore, and was planned to be the mysterious mom of Kerubim and Atcham (and many other demigods), which contradicts a lot of previously established lore (ankama LOVES retcons. sadly).

I am quite open about thinking this is stupid and not considering this canon until they show her to me in an actual released media (and even then I will find a way to headcanon a better reality). Seeing the series itself acknowledge that Ush is not Atcham and Kerubim's full brother makes me feel quite better.

Hi Ush were you doing [SEXUAL ACTS REDACTED] upon cats again.

Cute...

A normal thing for a Bontarian to do. Blue-clad (metaphorically, he isn't wearing blue but white. Still very Bontarian though) man over here protecting kids and women. While also beating them up.

But unironically, I think it's cute that he has this gap moe of being an evil man who also saves people and cares about honour (because that's a proper thing to do) despite cheating constantly.

Somehow, his shallowness and "I mostly care about appearances, even if I do have a moral code" sort of behaviour is just as Extremely Bontarian as Joris's.... 30 mental illnesses.

THE OST IN THIS EP IS SO GOOD. ECAFLIP FANS WINNING ONCE AGAIN.

Hey past me! Maybe he really does pay these cats to put up with his insane behaviours. 🤨

Yugo, I'm gonna be real with you:

he's probably heard Joris and Kerubim say these exact words at least twice before,

He is reallllllly weird about cats and I am unsure if that's illegal in your setting,

He lured in people to kill in his tower for sport serial killer style.

He's bontarian. -20 morality and honor points immediately.

[to23623ken]

I don't like when there's explicit or implicit romantic feelings between Fantine and Valjean for very specific reasons

Fantine has always been looked as something to desire or something for the enjoyment of others. It's really sad that not even when she's literally dying there isn't just one person that can look at her and worry for her with no intentions, nothing sexual, nothing romantic

Why can't Valjean take care for Fantine platonically? why can't she be grateful for this and not want him as a partner? I think Fantine would actually cry if Valjean had romantic feelings for her, I think she'd be truly disgusted

No hate to people who ship them!! I say this mostly referring to series, movies or in the musical, bcs when they do this romantic stuff between them it always has this creepy power imbalance big age gap strong man and fragile woman thing that weirds me out

[ae-neon]

Hi there! I've just discovered you work "The House of Mirrors" and I am loving your writing, and the idea of Nesta x Rhys. May I ask what draws you towards the Rhysta ship?

I've found it to be a really intriguing ship when looked into with insight, and it's sad to see that it's immediately dismissed as "oh Nesta will go Amarantha on Rhys, it will be another abusive relationship" etc

Sorry for not answering this ask sooner, I am on mobile 99.99% of the time and my asks always get buried for some reason. Also, my grammar and language spelling will be inconsistent, Tumblr keeps correcting my spelling to American EN

and it's sad to see that it's immediately dismissed as "oh Nesta will go Amarantha on Rhys, it will be another abusive relationship" etc

honestly not even gonna touch on this because whoever thinks that is so set on being against this pair that they've clearly deconstructed parts of their brain. No one is forcing them to ship it and they're going as far as to imply SA?? not someone to be entertained or taken seriously

so why Rhysta? hmm, I think I've posted about it somewhere, but my tagging is so terrible I wouldn't be surprised if it was lost forever

Firstly, I'm gonna be transparent in just preferring Nesta as a character to Feyre.

Feyre isn't terrible (most of the time) but she's pretty generic and inconsistent (and wildly offensive sometimes) but tbh, for the most part, I'm not anti-Feyre, just anti the way sjm uses her

Honestly, I would have preferred to read an ACOSF that centered around Feyre being HL, becoming a Valkyrie, doing the blood rite etc. than what we got in canon.

all this to say that even though I am a Nesta fan, my interest in this ship isn't rooted in hating Feyre

let's get into it

the first reasons are things that I see as tying Nesta and Rhys together so things like:

I prefer likeness in pairs as opposed to opposites. and funnily enough, 'like calls to like' is a sort of rule in the magic system. despite how I might disagree with what's given in canon, when we are first introduced to Rhysand, we're given the impression of someone who is more brains than brawn - and Nesta is characterised in the same way certain parts of the writing reflect a connection: Night and Death, both seem to have the most direct personal conflict with the KoH, both are willing to sacrifice their bodies for those they want to protect things like this are common in other characters too, but not in the same way. Feyre is also a character that sacrifices herself for other, and so is Cassian, but the latter two have a streak of selflessness to them. they would die for people they don't know. Rhysand and Nesta's brand of sacrifice is much more personal Nesta having unique mind powers, a strong connection to Illyria and it's magic and the magic in the NC (she literally makes his childhood home come to life and magic tied to the land is a trait of High Lord/Lady magic) it would have been poetic if they belonged to Feyre to show fate/the mating bond always meant for her to be with Rhys. But they belong to Nesta. Why I also just think Nesta's character and temperament are more suited to politics. She's stubborn, but she's also the type of person who listens and learns and judges people off their character rather than if they are 'on her side' Things like her being more mature and raised to thrive somewhere like the Hewn City add to this

the second reasons are reasons I dislike the canon pairings that would be either not applicable or severely lessened in rhysta

I am not a fan of Hades x Persephone (F.eysand) I despise The Taming of the Shrew (N.essian) Enemies to Lovers is only real when they can hate each other equally, a big power imbalance turns one party into a victim The power imbalance cannot be solved by making a 19 y.o with ptsd an overpowered fae with no experience or agency but, for example, if Rhys had to contend with a stubborn and somewhat uncooperative human - in a land he can't waltz around in, with a mind he can't enter and being the party that needs her help - suddenly there's a much more even playing field. Cassian is pushy and flirty in a way that involves a lot of physical intimidation and boundary crossing, that shit is not cute. in fact, in the canon Wings and Ember excerpt, Cassian crowding Nesta against the fireplace makes her think of Tomas Mandray, the man who almost assaulted her. there are ways around it like being close cause you're dancing or sparing but Nesta isn't a fighter (acosf can fuck off) and Cassian doesn't know how to dance. they're completely mismatched Feyre is naive and insecure in a way that makes her easy to manipulate. like I know a lot of people find the CoN scene sexy but it had been weeks, maybe two or three months, since she'd non-consensually been in that position for real UtM. Nesta might have been convinced to put on a show by dancing or wearing something a little provocative by her standards but that wouldnt have been something that directly mirrored a trauma of hers. I think, politically the handling of the Summer Court sets the tone for the abject failure of F.eysand as a political team. Nesta would have trusted Tarquin. She handled herself well (at the cost of her pride) at the High Lord's meeting.

im sure there's more

but again, this isnt really at the cost of Feyre being the protagonist especially of book1, there are things Feyre does that I don't think Nesta could or would. just that book2 might have had more povs or something

this also takes the approach of Rhys being a slightly different character than in canon, one more like what we were promised and one slightly more suited to Nesta

but that's literally what love interest characters are. they aren't supposed to become the centre around which the protagonist and plot now revolve

anyways,

I'm so glad you read and enjoyed House of Mirrors!!! please don't be shy to drop me another ask

[goodnightmemes]

DEXTER SEASON THREE SENTENCE STARTERS (PART TWO)

Lines taken from s03e09 - s03-e12 of the show Dexter. Feel free to change pronouns or edit in any way to better fit your needs. Here is part one.

❛ It's like there was an imbalance in the world, and we righted it, with our own hands. ❜

❛ I feel real. Like, maybe for the first time in my life. ❜

❛ If I knew where [name] was, I'd tell you. ❜

❛ All right, all right, you're right. I know where he is. I can show you. ❜

❛ You don't have to keep on checking on me. ❜

❛ He's held life and death in his hands. He likes it. ❜

❛ So how do I crack this sick fuck's brain? ❜

❛ I am not having a goddamn affair, okay? ❜

❛ I just needed space. I've got everything falling apart around me now. ❜

❛ You keep going off half-cocked. How am I supposed to trust you? ❜

❛ I didn't tell you because I know you wouldn't approve. ❜

❛ Whatever happened to serving justice? ❜

❛ I should have told you. It was a chickenshit thing to do, and I abused your trust. ❜

❛ Look. I'm a big boy. I know what I'm doing. Eventually, you're gonna trust that too. ❜

❛ He thinks he's untouchable. He's not. It's time he learned that. ❜

❛ For you, I'll do everything in my power. ❜

❛ Too many people are affected when the innocent die. ❜

❛ I'd be a fool not to follow your lead. I think you're gonna save my life. ❜

❛ I have to go look at some blood. Evidence. For a crime. ❜

❛ I'm sorry. We didn't mean to get your family caught up in this, all right? ❜

❛ What can you do? Nothing! ❜

❛ You gotta help me, or I can't do anything to help you. ❜

❛ It's me. It's okay. You're safe. ❜

❛ You found me. ❜

❛ I can't go home. There's too much silence. ❜

❛ He's been using me the whole time. ❜

❛ I'm responsible if [name] takes another innocent life. ❜

❛ I think we should just stay out of it. ❜

❛ They're gonna think that we slept together! ❜

❛ I mean, if my show does not make people vomit and have an erection at the same time, then I've let my audience down. ❜

❛ Hey, I'm not giving up on our friendship. ❜

❛ For someone so innocent, he sure looks guilty. ❜

❛ I am indeed a good friend to have. And one can never have too many friends, right? ❜

❛ I feel like Cinderella. Except for the whole Disney virgin thing. ❜

❛ Oh, don't worry. No one'll know Prince Charming knocked ya up before the ball. ❜

❛ You're sorry? Well, you can take your sorry and shove it up your ass! ❜

❛ Hey, I just wanted to say, I never meant for any of this to go down the way it did, you know? ❜

❛ I messed up. I wanted to apologize to your face. ❜

❛ You lying son of a bitch! You almost got me killed! ❜

❛ I am not the enemy here. ❜

❛ You feel guilty? You feel responsible for what happened to me? ❜

❛ Shit. You're bleeding. You're gonna need new stitches. ❜

❛ I need for you to seriously think about this. Think about us. ❜

❛ Wine... invented for the sole purpose of handling grief. Believe me, I know. ❜

❛ You've always been important to me. You know that. ❜

❛ Please don't hate me, but I may have done a bad thing. ❜

❛ You are too good a liar. ❜

❛ I don't know when you're telling the truth anymore. ❜

❛ Cause after all... familia is sacred. ❜

❛ I know what it is to want to rebalance an unbalanced world. ❜

❛ Some doors should stay shut. You open it, it's too easy to walk through it a second time. ❜

❛ Well, at least I didn't teach him how to get away with murder. I'm learning. ❜

❛ God. You are useless. Love you anyway. ❜

❛ I didn't get to where I am, who I am, by letting some little worm like you walk all over me! ❜

❛ I am the last person you wanna fuck with, because I will fuck you back in ways you never even imagined! ❜

❛ Wow. I didn't get it before, but you can't be reasoned with, guilted, or controlled. ❜

❛ I'll do what I want, when I want, to whomever I want! Count on it! ❜

❛ My search for connection always ends in blood. ❜

❛ As challenging as it will be, it's back to option one. I kill him. ❜

❛ So this is how it ends. I've pictured it a thousand ways, but never this. ❜

❛ Must be what your victims feel like. Trapped, hopeless. ❜

❛ You got any more words of encouragement, or are you just here to gloat? ❜

❛ I should have fucking killed [name] when I had the chance. ❜

❛ That's fucking hilarious! You were freaked, right? ❜

❛ For a smart guy, sometimes he doesn't have the good sense that God gave little chickens. ❜

❛ A true friend knows when to bury the hatchet, because friendship is a sacred bond, built on trust. ❜

❛ I have learned so much from you about, uh... trust. ❜

❛ Things are bound to go wrong. The less left to chance the better. ❜

❛ You always look so happy to see me. ❜

❛ Getting married's easy. All you have to do is show up. ❜

❛ I need to be with somebody who's got his shit together. ❜

❛ You're the only one he trusts. ❜

❛ Well, it's really hard to find people that you trust these days. ❜

❛ I could hear it, you know? The sound of the blade cutting into me. That and, uh... the sound of me screaming. Like it was somebody else. And I remember thinking, "That guy screaming...he's gonna die." ❜

❛ If home is where the heart is, where do you go when you don't have a heart? ❜

❛ So why is it every time I look at you, I still feel the same way I felt when we first met? ❜

❛ They make a cute couple. Too bad they're both lying through their teeth. ❜

❛ And this is, "Do as I say, not as I do"? ❜

❛ If you need something under the table, I'm your guy. That didn't come out right. ❜

❛ So, now you know. Question is, what are you gonna do? ❜

❛ I need your word this stays between us. ❜

❛ Yes, whenever you have an earth-shattering, ball-crushing, mind-fuck of a secret, you should tell your fucking sister. ❜

❛ You're the hardest-working person I know, you're loyal to a fault. In all the years I've known you, you've never let me down. ❜

❛ I know I crossed the line here. I know that now. It doesn't have to come to this. ❜

❛ I had higher hopes for you, for us. But I finally just have to accept it, I'll always be alone. ❜

❛ I tried. I tried to crack that damn armor of yours. ❜

❛ I know you better than anyone else. ❜

❛ I know I'm a monster. ❜

❛ I accept you, like a brother. ❜

❛ I didn't plan to, but it was kill or be killed. ❜

❛ You little freak! You think I'm done with you? You think this ends here? It doesn't! ❜

❛ There are few milestones in life that evoke a stronger response than our final act. Death. ❜

❛ We all react in different ways to death. Some choose anger. Others cling to ritual. ❜

❛ You can tell a lot about a person by the friends he keeps. ❜

❛ That was awkward. I don't think I've ever been asked to leave a funeral before. ❜

❛ You lost a friend. You don't have to be so strong. ❜

❛ [name] warned you that his death wasn't gonna be the end of things. ❜

❛ Can't kill him. Can't ignore him. ❜

❛ You know, Dad would be proud. That still means something, no matter how flawed he was. ❜

❛ Well, then tell me. How am I supposed to live with this? ❜

❛ I'm the only one that knows, I think. It's not even that big of a deal. ❜

❛ We all have secrets we prefer not to share. Skeletons. Feel free to keep yours in the closet. Deep in the closet. ❜

❛ Look, these people have nothing to do with this. This is between you and me, right? ❜

❛ I should put a bullet in your head. In front of everybody. So they can see what it's like to lose someone. ❜

❛ So you don't really have to bother with reality. That must be nice. ❜

❛ Until you came into our life, everything was fine. ❜

❛ I spent my whole life trying to hold it together, and now it's all gone to shit. ❜

❛ Someday your kids will be old enough to see the truth for themselves, just like you did with your father. ❜

❛ The sins of the father go on and on, from kid to kid to kid, unless someone - you - chooses to end them. ❜

❛ There is no possible way that us being together is a mistake. ❜

❛ You hold on to that personal life. Reminds us what's important. ❜

❛ I've been scared of it coming to this your whole life, a violent end. I tried to protect you. ❜

❛ This is my fault for not trusting you. ❜

❛ You did the best you could. ❜

❛ I've never seen you cry before. ❜

❛ I've never wanted anything so much in my life. ❜

❛ You are the best thing that has happened to me. ❜

❛ I had a choice. I chose you. Your turn. ❜

❛ Oh, I have my excuses and justifications, but, really, I just... need to. ❜

❛ So really, you're just a killer, a monster. The stuff of nightmares. ❜

❛ A wolf would chew off its own paw, its survival instinct is that fierce. So is mine. ❜

❛ We all have secrets. In that way, I'm just like everyone else. ❜

❛ All my previous attempts at human connection have ended in... well, death. ❜

❛ Sure, I'm still who I was, who I am. Question is, what do I become? ❜

❛ Right now, at this moment, I'm content. Maybe even happy. And I have to admit, when all is said and done... life is good. ❜

[fymagnificentwomcn]

I still have plenty to say on the topic, so bear with me, the original link is here, it would be too much there I think.

Anyway thank you Sol @palaceoftears for these tags that succinctly sum up the main point of the original post, let's bring them as starting point here:

#joanna you ate this!!! missed reading you#truly love how deeply you analyzed that confronting suleyman IS confronting the system!#also the freeing aspect because like freedom doesn't have to mean happiness?#yes ofc hurrem wouldn't be happy knowing ultimately suleyman didn't love her & her children over himself#but it's still freeing to not live yout whole life brainwashed lol?#like I never get how ppl that loves her watch her going from 'i'll kill the sultan' & 'don't treat us as animals' to dependant on suleyman#and just go 'happy ending :D' about it#mahidevran sultan#hurrem sultan#sultan suleiman#magnificent century#muhtesem yuzyil

You know how much I dislike Surrem, but I absolutely get people shipping it without getting it like "happy in love" (huge kudos to my sis Tisha) since it's an extremely complicated, mutually toxic relationship, while yes they do love each other at same time. But they are both each other's heaven and hell simultaneously throughout the whole show, with Hürrem being in worse position due to power imbalance. Power imbalance that never fully goes away. He might also be dependent on her in emotional way since he himself comes to belief she is the only person who would never betray him (because she truly had least benefit in it). Don't be fooled though, if she had e.g. crowned Bayezid in S3 as Sah intended, he would have shown her no mercy. /I once mentioned a bit about them, also historically here./

And LBR she got mistreated by him (please, he told her to kill herself for him, and the goal was not to determine whether she had poisoned Mustafa truly) multiple times before S4, it was only because of the topic covered I mentioned S4 stuff, especially related to how he screwed her kids.

People think of stuff in "tangible" categories and why stuff like mere "awareness" (without leading a revolution or whatever lol) seems to have little meaning.

Which is again one of the main themes of the show - to give voice also to those who lost and as such do not have the "but we won, we were happy, we lived" defence always acting for them. Bah, even controversies or discussions surrounding them. They are losers, not even worthy to talk about, and put on sidelines. We often discuss what motivated the "big figures" who got to become rulers, even if we do not approve of their actions or criticize them. Rarely we talk about "losers". Which is what Mustafa's letter stressed - people will deem me as traitor, while your name will be written in golden letters because of all your victories. This alone will make your name remembered. And even considering that Mustafa was lucky in that people generally did not believe him to be a traitor, with Bayezid it was much harder because yeah he did openly rebel and it's not something we can deny. But some jump to conclusions like 'he was insolent and one day decided to rebel for no reason' (yes, I've seen such takes) is very simplistic. I do not even approve of a lot of his actions there since while I get his anger at Suly and Selim I hate how he involves plenty of soldiers in a fight without a chance to succeed as long as Suly ass lives, but damn takes like above truly erase what brought him to such point. Because he was the prince with bigger support at that time. He could have waited for his father to die soon and easily taken the throne. /And historically - yes if you actually dig up sources, he didn't wake up and decide to attack innocent cookie pacifist Selim lol/. Show! Bayezid telling Defne that he would be labelled as a "rebellious prince" for future generations with obvious evidence backing it up means a lot because even though he IS one, there is so much more to this story and what bought him to this point, starting from his father's attitude to him since he was a kid.

And damn I do need to stress the need for the critical approach to SOW (which does not preclude stanning the characters/getting interested in historical figures ofc)? Maybe not here, but I still see TikTok shit on “The big 5” introducing feminism to Ottoman harem. There is no revolution we can talk of in any case, but truly, where is feminism involved in Haseki institution? It only privileges one woman over others. The others are still required to serve them, which is why we had the Hürrem/Gülnihal and Nurbanu/Valeria stories. And what it ties with what Sol says once Hürrem tries to kill Gülnihal - her parents' ghosts appearing to tell her It's not revenge. It's not what you promised us. Meanwhile, the men are still in power, with a person like Suleiman having unlimited agency. More.. the man selects the woman he gives those privileges too. And even if he grants her freedom (if HE pleases so), it has little actual effect because we all know she is still forbidden to leave him and would have lost her kids anyway if she had done so. Thus said, the moment when show Hürrem slams the door to Sulyass' stupid face is one of my fave Surrem moments without a doubt and one of fave H moments in general ahsmshs. / BTW One day I will finally talk how Westerners focus more on say legal marriage when it that system having multiple sons was more ground-breaking because even free brides from noble families who did not have children had little power and agency. /

There is plenty of irony involved, just as Mahi finally freeing herself from attachment to Suly once he rejects her freedom to which he is entitled by the System. Bah, only he has the power to do so regarding his women. It's all only at his own discretion.

It is precisely what I also mean by "taboo-breaking" and the questioning Mahi does of Suleiman and the way he (as Sultanate) operates. In that world mere questioning could break the taboo. We do not know what future lay ahead for anyone, but damn what he kept doing was neither just nor wise according to the very norms of the times themselves. Yes, Mustafa was the most promising and fitting candidate for the throne and he did not betray his father, so Suleiman removing him from "open succession" was not even why this method of succession had been established in the first place and demanded from princes assembling their own support, also ensuring that he would be easily accepted to prevent discord and rebellions. Mustafa did it too well, the horror. And that him wanting to do something (also as he himself stated, since he got privilege of being the prince and be able to rule, he should not sit idly, but use it for good purpose and the people) only brought him troubles because of Suly ass own ego only shows again the problems with this system and being centered on one person so much. Suleiman violated a lot for his own agenda, centered around himself, not the future of the state. This is what Mahi is criticizing and stating it to his face when he tried to paint his son as a traitor to present himself as just and acting for the state IS taboo-breaking in itself. Asking the question instead of dismissing it all as "fate", as Mihrimah tried.

Mahidevran tries to awake Mihri, who while rich and "still in power play", is very similar to her in many ways (also with the one big sin that has weighted on them silently). They all lost. Even Selim. Getting Mihri's brother (Hürrem's son) on the throne did not mean triumph and happiness for her. Heck, even Selim is a walking wreck. It's not even about sides because SS truly managed to destroy everyone's lives, not only one side's, so in the end it's not even favoritism. All for him to go with his beautiful words, a show-off victory, and his beloved throne (while saying something else in his monologue). Mahi telling Mihri to stop holding her father blameless IS the moment making someone else's eyes open and maybe do not let actively go for something that will not help anyone out at this point, like causing discord between Selim and his son. These are small things that are important for the theme and how mental freedom is also of value. Same with awareness. Nobody expects revolution or claims something. And we are at a particular point when Mahi already lost Mustafa and says it already in the context with him gone. She won't resurrect him with her words ofc LOL. And Mahi truly didn't have to do this, just take popcorn and look at Hürrem's kids & other descendants fighting even more.

You can precisely see when SS decides how to dispose of Bayezid when Mihri says she will never forgive him and will be dead to him if he executes her brother. The lightbulb over his head in this moment lol. So her continuing to hold him blameless, while putting everything on Selim and Nurbanu is buying his shit and rules of the Sultanate. Mihri might have power, so she can stir things up in attempt to still "win", but.. they all lost. Her acceptance of it and stating it out loud before leaving Topkapi again has meaning. One might continue to have power and live in palace (unlike Mahi), but they all lost anyway. Mere meddling that can cause only chaos to still try to win is meaningless and can ony be harmful. As such, Mahi's words can have at least some impact.

Mahi and fate as Sol's post with Plami's commentary also has this delicious tidbit with mirror - most likely Hürrem would have never ceased to hunt down Mustafa after Mehmed's death because she had decided on eliminating him long before that and kept carrying out the plan via concrete & repeated actions. However, Mahi still questions herself on that because she can never know. And even if it changed nothing, it still tormented her and polluted her conscience. Because culpability is still there, regardless of "system" and circumstances" and whether it has any tangible effect or not. Same with Selim still being culpable even though SS wanted Bayezid executed. He still chose to do so anyway. Bah, he is actually very self-conscious and states clearly that he won because unlike the others he was able to kill his brother.

Similarly, Mustafa, Cihangir, and Bayezid also made their choices. Mustafa could have axed Suleiman and it would have been hard to blame him for this in the situation it boilt down to. Actually, he was the one with biggest support at that moment, so rules of the Sultanate definitely allowed him to dispose of an aging ruler who began making a multitude of mistakes. He had the biggest power at his disposal if he wanted to. Moreover, Musti also chose to invite the member of the opposition faction because she was his sister, despite said sister openly declaring her standing on the opposite side and speaking to him "with her mother's words" last time they met. Once more, instead of rules of Sultanate and how the system expected him to act, he chose familial bonds.

Then again, Bayezid did have Selim on his knees in front of him and chose not to kill Selim, despite Selim never promising him any change or begging for mercy.

They both died, but they also could have chosen differently and compromised their conscience and values in the process.

Yet the opposite choice to adhere to the Darwinist rules and get the throne at any cost is not something mechanic that promises happiness or safety, either. Actually, it can make you painfully blind. We see Hürrem deciding blood will be spilled only of her enemies once she learns her son is going to end up on the throne. When she meets with the witch after Mustafa is dead and the throne for one of her sons IS a certain thing.. it's not what she wanted to hear, starting from her own imminent demise from natural causes. Same with her trust in the "human face" of the Sultanate aka Suly ass:

The "right, sultana?" is an ironic call-back to the beginning of the episode when she uses same words about Suly's power to exclude herself from the matter of Mustafa's death.

Also let us note the use of the word "destiny"😱 .

Also, Hürrem did not come back to ponder her preceding conversation with the witch earlier, as she had another proof of herself not interpreting it correctly - when she assumed Nazenin's baby would be the one the witch predicated as the Sultan. Nurbanu was after all pregnant with Murad at the same time.. so no, the witch was not mistaken, Hürrem was simply so caught up in her own vision of how it would go (also with Baye taking the throne) or assumed the witch to be mistaken, so she didn't notice it was about her grandson.

Another interesting thing is that the witch also predicts Mihrimah's future and that while her physical illness will pass soon, the spiritual pain will soon start and persist.

Because even if we "win" in that we survive, it does not need to bring happiness with it. At all.

It doesn't work like this either (Mihri talks about sacrifing Musti and Cih), while we are at it. There are no simple mechanisms like that! And how Mihri adopts her mother stance and calls her out that only one of her sons can survive according to the Darwinist rules (which is also what Rüstem advocates in any circumstances, only for him there is no support for Bayezid really... any can go) is just irony at its finest, and it stems also from her feeling of guilt - I already tainted my conscience and went again familial bonds, so let it at least mean victory for my favourite brother. She is now quick to accept one of them will die, she just wants to ensure it's not Bayezid.

Another of Hürrem's children that do adopt her "survival no matter the cost" agenda (and no, it's hard going for that to "pacifism" agenda shortly after getting what you wanted), and to a bigger extent, is Selim obviously.. Selim states to Bayezid that he will live because he is capable of killing his brother for his own survival. But we know what sort of life this is (and that he won't live long from history). He might later quote his mother to Mihrimah and convince himself that since nobody is innocent under this dome, so only the deserving win, but outside that, he does call himself a "brother killer" and does consider it a burden. /And Selim being his mother's son is another fascinating topic, since he was like.. her least fave and yet he is the one most alike her and who most absorbed her views and agenda.. to later emerge as sort-of third unexpected faction /.

Neither Mihrimah nor Selim ever found peace after adhering to the System's rules of fratricide. Bah, they cannot even be a family again as the only surviving members.. instead they openly accuse each other of being brother killers. Judging by history, they will eventually learn to co-operate, but nothing will be the same ever again. There is no moral victory in it for sure. Selim does not claim it any point. Actually, he is the one to point out that: We all lost. Innocence died and nothing will be as before. We can accuse Selim of many things, but he is a pretty self-conscious character indeed.

The others might be dead, but they did adhere to their principles and values due to choice.

The power of reflection or questioning is also tied to to the concept of choice as what makes us a human. MC never promises us happy ending (how it could, we all know the ending point), but the mere presentation of choice, of humans trying to create something positive, like Mustafa, Bayezid, and Cihangir deciding not to fight against each other as expected, is meaningful.

Instead we got nobody truly winning or benefitting from what happened LBR. It cannot get worse than that, really.

The whole issue again reflects what I said earlier in that post on how Erdogan historical propaganda works. It's not all sunshine and rainbows, but there is no questioning at all. Instead we have normalization of violence and presenting it as something necessary, and that there is no choice or alternative to what happened. The sultan killed his brothers, but he had to. It was necessary, it was automatic. There is even no person behind it, but a robot always doing the right (even if brutal) choice because "it was like that".

And to some up the great ironies of life, we can remember that Mahi who lost it all... survived them all, so she won the Darwinist game in the end despite being rejected by System multiple times:

[grimalkinmessor]

10+11?

10. Top three favourite fic tropes.

OH BOY *scrubs my grubby paws rogether* Ain't that a fun question? I'm a big fan of AUs—soulmates, hanahaki, A/B/O, you name it, I'm probably in love with it. My all time favorite trope is definitely arranged marriage, though. Or—I guess you could say it's technically dubious consent? Because it's really the power imbalance and the struggle for freedom that I really like about it, it doesn't have to be specifically Arranged Marriage, it could just as well be (and often is) captor/captive. The CODEPENDENCE. The PARASITISM that develops 😩👌✨ They need each other more than air, more than anything but they're killing each other, they're making each other stronger and worse, even if you die you'll never be free of me because a part of you is always in me and a part of me is soldered to you, I wish I could hate you, I wish I could love you, I wish things were different— the GOOD SHIT ✨👌🤌💕💞💖🙏✨❤️‍🔥💯✨⭐🔥🌟

Which sort of leads into my second favorite trope; fantasy AUs!!! Put some magic in that shit!!! Drop down some monarchial or even dictoral intrigue!!! World build!!!! Make that character a dragon!!!!! HELL yeah!!!!!!! Fantasy AUs are always so so so much fun for me and I love them. It's about 🤌🤌 the political/magical/moral intrigue 🤌🤌🤌🤌

Now. I say that vaguely because one of my favorite tropes that is hard as FUCK to find are creature AUs. Selkie and wing AUs specifically. Selkie AUs because they tie back into the above very nicely, but WING AUs always have me by the throat because it's just,,,,,everything to me. I desperately, desperately wanted wings as a kid (and still to this day), so a world where everyone has wings is my ultimate escapism fantasy. Plus the angst that tends to come with it?? Top tier, real shit. Your wings are broken, they're stigmatized, they're useless, they've been taken from you—or, my fucking favorite, they've never been touched :) Never been groomed :)) And the first time someone shows them that sort of intimate yet common affection you just start shaking because it's so overwhelming to feel loved. To be cared for. ESPECIALLY if the wings in question are broken, useless, bad luck. LOVE that shit 💖

11. Three tropes that are fine but overrated.

Tattoo/Flower shop AUs. They're alright but honestly they feel so much like coffee shop AUs to me that I can't really see the difference lmao. Plus it usually comes with too much fluff for me to find it interesting, even as someone who loves flower language and loves tattoos.

Gonna contradict myself with this one, but soulmate AUs. They can be good, but when you don't dive into the inherent darkness of having choice snatched away from you by fate itself and the horror that can come with knowing someone is the other half of you, connected forever with no way out, then what's the point honestly. The whole reason I adore soulmate AUs is because the very premise of it all is so fucked up, dressed up and romanticized as something sweet and wholesome. If you make it something ACTUALLY sweet and wholesome—which many people do—then I think it gets old quick.

Fake Unrequited Love. OH my God this one. It's fine, alright, it's fine but it irritates the shit out of me most of the time. I adore the angst of unrequited love, and to just say "well it only LOOKS unrequited because they didn't COMMUNICATE clearly enough haha the sillies" babe that is just dressed up miscommunication. Guh. Sometimes it doesn't bother me but honestly it's always been overrated to me. ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯

Bonus one: There Was Only One Bed Trope. It's fine but I have personal issues with it. I like it in theory but it's one of the very few tropes that triggers the hell outta me. I wish I could enjoy it, but since I can't it just feels like it's everywhere, therefore making it overrated to me specifically.

(Hilarious because I keep intending to make use of it in my Matsulight fic but I chickened out the first time lmao)

[discountalien-pancake]

Mmkay. So I didn’t hate it. I definitely didn’t love it. I don’t feel like my time or money were wasted on reading this book. I also feel that this book would have greatly benefited from several more rounds of editing. This was very much a book that could have been good. And not in the way that people say it about SJM’s books. There was a clear, sense-making plot progression, purposeful foreshadowing, follow-through on all the Chekov’s guns (well, most, but the last one i think is probably resolved in the sequel which I probably won’t read?).

The problem was I found myself hurtling through the book, and not in a good way. I wanted it to get to the damn point. So much of Kadou’s point of view is spent dithering within these gratuitously overwrought panic attacks. There’s just so much and so many of them that it actively interfered with the progression of the narrative, not simply of in-world events. Everything would just grind to a halt while Kadou spends two or three paragraphs self-flagellating, carry on for half a page, and then more self-flagellation. There were multiple chapters of entire days, sometimes multiple days or even a month, crunched down to just lengthy descriptions of Kadou being a helpless, shivering wreck, interspersed with one-sentence summaries of all the important official business he’s carrying out as a prince on probation.

And then we’d swap povs and get Evemer’s rundown of the exact same events again but from his perspective. And it makes sense to do this once or twice, so that we can get out of Kadou’s head and see things more objectively. But the fact of the matter is that this book could have been a solid 50k words shorter and lost nothing of the plot or even the character development.

I feel like I’ve only been saying negative things, so here’s what the book did well: it established a very diverse cast who are all treated respectfully by the narrative. It established that there were a great many cultures coming into contact with this region, though I would have liked to see more people from those regions rather than just mentions of the material culture. It established that nonbinary folks are a normal, common presence within society and didn’t make a Big Deal out of any of it. The politics were mostly reasonable except for what I feel was a deeply contrived set-up. There was a lot of thought and care in the handling of the power imbalance between Kadou and Evemer, though I still feel that it failed to convince me that they have an equal partnership. You mileage may vary on that point. Evemer, in my opinion, was a delightful and very endearing neurodivergent character (definitely on the spectrum, probably a bit OCD). The author definitely did a lot of research on textiles and garment construction even if I can’t quite agree with their taste.

Would I recommend this book? Maybe. Depends on the person. I think if you like the bodyguard/prince trope, you might be able to gloss over more of the issues than I did. Perhaps you will be more sympathetic of the Anxiety Goblin prince than I. I fully admit I have little patience for characters like that. If you want a queer romance between an anxious prince and his demi, autistic bodyguard, then you’d probably enjoy it. You might find Kadou’s narrative cathartic. IDK. On my part, I found Evemer sufficiently compelling to finish the book despite the other flaws.

[littlenekosfan]

so i know some people think jugo was thankful that yhwach killed his uncle in this fire, but he never showed any sort of gratitude about it.. lemme explain

we all know jugo’s uncle was abusive toward him, and its honestly hard to tell for sure what kind of abuse or how it would happen, he’s evil that’s without a doubt, but was he to jugo’s eyes? i know it was telling in that one panel, but abuse isnt just about hurting the other, there is that “affection” given there and there so it make it seem its “just a bad phase, he actually loves you” or sometimes you have the power imbalance that makes him not question his uncle's authority or even worse, jugo doesnt know better, he knows he doesnt like it, but perhaps he thinks its something normal or that he deserves it (for the useless child he is, we all know he has low self-esteem so)

so we cant know for sure what was happening between the two, all we know is that it was bad in our pov

when bazz shows up in the picture, jugo is exposed to another kind of love, a genuine friendship, and we see him how he needed that, he accepts and embraces it the moment he feels more than just a tool in the relationship (he wasnt so keen about it at first bc new relationship was not an option bc it would be troublesome.. if his uncle were to know, he knows it would end up bad). and so, during these 6 months, it was just.. better for him (not the best times but not the worst) even if he couldnt hang out with bazz all the time

when the fire happened, we see him being totally indifferent about it, and really, he didnt show any sadness nor joy, and i believe its because 

no sadness: i already explained that one, but jugram didnt understand bazz’ relationship with his parents/home and how much it meant to him, and with his background, he simply cant feel sympathy even less empathy

no joy: this is fucked up and i know you guys dont wanna hear this, but maybe he didnt wish death to him, that he cared about him somehow, and im saying this with no intention to make you feel bad about his uncle, what im trying to say is,,as someone who can relate to jugo’s trauma, i can understand how he’s not one bit joyous about it, not even glad, maybe relieved and even then, that can be a big word for what he feels,, and this is what trauma is like, his uncle was still someone who gave him a home and fed him (arguably) when his very own parents abadonned him (whatever how that happened, jugo seems to not know himself) so all he had was his uncle, its hard to believe he would hate him with all his being and wish he was dead already… and i know some of you would think “no no he would hate him and run away” would he? we tend to project as adults.. , but adults who lived csa, they know they didnt know how bad it was when they were young, when you grow up, you start to realize a lot of fucked up things about that abuse and how it affects you as an adult, so we cant blame or expect jugo do have done something about it and even hate his uncle for it… its sad i know, but im pointing that out bc…

in friend 3 chapter, jugo did not show an ounce of hesitation when it came to yhwach giving him a position (he hesitated bc of bazz, not bc he thinks good of yhwach) nor did he ever mention him ever again after the fire, which is a sign he coped with his trauma, he put a term on it (although his actions still show signs of it, he simply doesn't think about Him anymore) and that’s a good thing! im really happy for him that he could grow as a person and have a healthy relationship with someone who doesn't see him as a tool but as a person

and also the fact jugo trained to hard to fight FOR bazz tells us how he values his friend wellbeing/goal more than his trauma, (god this sounds terrible, lemme rephrase that) after his uncle’s death, jugo didnt know what to do anymore, so bazz suggests him to kill yhwach, jugo isnt reluctant to that idea bc he’s the reason his friend lost everything, and he wasnt too into it bc he doesnt feel hate for yhwach like bazz did, so he joins him for bazz goal instead of just roaming around with no home, and as he grow to train more and more, he did it with the intention to help his friend, not to kill yhwach (bc if it was the case,we wouldnt have friend3), to make it short, jugo’s intention in friend3 (before and during the breakup) were always about helping bazz and not join yhwach bc he thinks he owe him or he’s grateful for what he did to his uncle

so to say yhwach saved him from his uncle is one thing, but saying jugo was thankful yhwach did that to him is not quite true, it was a turning point in his life which permitted him to have a new life (“so yhwach did save jugo”, yeah, by ruining his friend’s life and make them survive in a forest for 5 years all alone and have the worst breakup in bleach, he had to put up with exchanging powers for who knows how long and how much that didnt let him sleep or have the right mind, and to lose all the kingdom he build during these 999yrs, all that for ultimately regretting abandoning his friend for power… yeah, he “saved him”)

[maggicktouched]

beck: 🍓: Does your OC have any particular scents they like? Or hate? 🍰: What's something your OC counts as unforgivable?

fen: 🍆: Does your OC have any favourite form of affection, physical or otherwise? 🍫: Where does your OC go to think?

harper: 🌽: How does this OC feel about acts of affection? What's their favourite act of affection, physical or emotional? 🍪: What is something that's sentimental to your OC?

jari: 🍻: What's your OC's favourite comfort ritual? How do they calm themselves down after a rough day? 🍍: Where does your OC feel most comfortable?

midori: 🎂: Does your OC have any contradictory interests or traits to the first perception people have of them? How do they surprise people? 🍔: Are there any recent trends you think your OC would hate? Or love?

verena: 🍇: What sort of friend are they? Where are they in the group dynamic?🍾: Does your OC believe in luck? If so, do they have any charm or ritual they do before a stressful event?

Beck:

🍓: Does your OC have any particular scents they like? Or hate?

Beck's favorite scents in the world are apples, sage, and lemon. She's very fond of flowery smells too. You'll know what smells she likes because she perfumes herself with them. Smelling good is really important to her.

As far as scents she doesn't like (and I'm assuming this discounts thing that literally stink like rotten eggs LOL). I don't think Beck is a big fan of a lot of popular "men's" scents. Old spice, Irish Spring, and any form of Axe body spray will make her want to scrunch her nose up. But she's generally nice enough to hide her disdain.

🍰: What's something your OC counts as unforgivable?

Oof I don't know. Beck's unfortunately really good at forgiving and making excuses for people who probably shouldn't be forgiven. Aside from things that are actual violent crimes, especially those against children or against people Beck is close to, there isn't much.

Probably cheating? Beck's very vain in terms of how she sees herself, and she's decently confident others feel the same/similarly, but that tends to be with strangers or acquaintances: people whose opinions she doesn't care about anyway. Add feelings into the mix, especially romantic feelings, and Beck starts to feel very insecure. For good reason, too. Her mother never approved of anything she did, she was led to believe for years that her grandparents on both sides of the family abandoned her (in fact her mother told her multiple times that she was the reason Linnea didn't want anything to do with them anymore), and Fenris, one of the only people who accepted her for who she was eventually started to see her as a problem that needed correcting.

So Beck gets really insecure and really jealous, and if someone she was with cheated on her, I don't know if they could ever come back from that.

However there is a big difference between giving up on someone, or protecting herself, and never forgiving them. Beck forgives Fenris for nearly everything he does... but she won't go near him in a lot of verses. If Beck is being mistreated she might forgive that person, but she will up and leave a mother fucker in a heartbeat if they're treating her poorly.

Fenris:

🍆: Does your OC have any favourite form of affection, physical or otherwise?

Affection is so foreign to Fenris I'm not even sure he'd be able to recognize it. When I say he is completely and totally isolated, I mean it. He doesn't like letting new people in because they may hurt him (either intentionally or through their loss) or because he mistakes attempts at friendship as deception. There's also such a huge power imbalance between him and anyone he speaks to because of his position, and it's been that way since he was like nine. He genuinely doesn't know what to do with people that do things to be nice. He sees any attempt to please him as an attempt to garner favor or avoid punishment.

I think the only person he might accept affection from is Beck, or maybe his mummi (his father's mother) but even then I think he'd be really awkward about it. He does like it when either of them give him any kind of verbal praise, or when Beck calls him old nicknames from when they were kids. If he were to get into a verse where he and Beck could work through some of their trauma maybe he'd be more open about affection and other things as well. But the sacrificial blood magic has done a lot of damage to him, as well as all his childhood trauma. Fen's road is usually doomed to be long and lonely.

🍫: Where does your OC go to think?

Fenris likes observatories. In another life where the weight of the world wasn't put on his shoulders as a child, he might have studied celestial magical phenomena or something like that. He does have a private observatory in his home and especially on the nights when he's up to late or his mind is racing and he wants to focus, that is where he goes.

Harper:

🌽: How does this OC feel about acts of affection? What's their favourite act of affection, physical or emotional?

Harper LOVES acts of affection. She has a very sharp and harsh reputation, and she can certainly live up to that, but when she loves someone, she loves them so hard. She's very open and comfortable both showing and being shown affection in public or private. She'll do things that you'd never imagine for someone she loves or tolerate being dragged into things by them. Despite being in a position of power and being concerned with her reputation and image, Harper will never scold or blow off the person she loves or accuse them of embarrassing her/making her look weak. It takes... a very long time to get there with Harper. She's very guarded. In part because she's aware of how passionate she is. She knows how deeply she loves. And she knows how much it hurts to lose that love.

Her favorite form of affection? Harper loves to be massaged. She works stupid hours and would never take a break to go into a spa herself just to relax. But after working for seventeen hours straight and barely sleeping for days, constantly wearing heels and bending over tables and walking all over the place she is VERY tense and it usually puts her in a foul mood. She won't ask for a massage, but she will appreciate it like you wouldn't believe if her lover offers one.

🍪: What is something that's sentimental to your OC?

She has a pair of diamond earrings from her grandmother that she was pretty close to, and a few handmade items of clothing from Beck that she clings to pretty tightly. A pair of tickets to the last opera show her grandmother ever sang in. And of course she still has her first violin. She has newer, nicer violins now, even though she almost never plays them, but she earned the money for her first one by herself during a time in her life where learning to play seemed like a dream. One time after falling off the wagon, her mother did sell it for money to buy beer, and Harper stole it back (which she shouldn't be proud of but she IS). It's not a lot, possessions don't mean much to her now that she has more goddamn money than god. Most possessions that mean something to her come from her childhood.

Jari:

🍻: What's your OC's favourite comfort ritual? How do they calm themselves down after a rough day?

Jari loves tea more than anyone else in the world. He's got more varieties of tea than anyone could probably count and he knows precisely how they should be brewed. Every day ends with a nice hot cup of tea, but after the hard days he appreciates it all the more. Depending on the day he normally gets in a good work out to get his frustration out in a positive way, then he'll spend a long time stretching, and finally he'll set a timer for a good twenty minutes and practice deep breathing and clearing his mind. Then it's a nice shower---starting with cold and ending hot---and then he sits in his bed with his nice hot cup of tea.

This is his go-to method to deal with his depression and his tendency to get completely overwhelmed, but very often he will collapse in on himself like a dying star. Frozen by emotions and unsure what to do when his plans fail to bring him the peace he's craving or he can't find a solution to a problem.

Beck, Midori, Jari, and Frankie all have protection spells set on one another in their adult lives, and when he has those bad nights where he can't really help himself and he's in distress, the other three will pretty much drop everything to go and help him. They each have a door in their houses that is connected magically to the archives. So when he can't calm himself down, his friends are almost always there to help.

🍍: Where does your OC feel most comfortable?

Underground. Lol. Jari is a homebody. Unlike Beck, Jari wasn't born into the priesthood, after his family died, he was taken in as an orphan and raised in the temple. They gave him several choices of study/career paths, and Jari chose to be an archival priest. He was well aware that doing so would mean he couldn't really leave his home much and that a lot of his life from there on out would be spent underground. Now he manages a very large and important archive and over the years he's improved the living facilities to basically be the home of his dreams. His dream kitchen, his dream home gym, his dream bedroom. Everything is perfectly predictable. His routines are rarely, if ever, disturbed. He's very, very comfortable and happy just being in his home.

Midori:

🎂: Does your OC have any contradictory interests or traits to the first perception people have of them? How do they surprise people?

I definitely think you don't see Midori and think "there is one of the most dangerous witches I've ever seen". She, like Beck, has a very breezy, sunny demeanor. Midori is an artist and kind of a hippie and she runs a zoo. You'd never guess that she was a feral witch by looking at her, especially since she's completely at home in the heart of even the biggest cities. And you'd never guess that she could create and f5 tornado or a supercell storm with almost no effort. Midori could trap the entire state of New York in an endless ice storm for a dozen years without breaking a sweat.

In the same way Beck didn't choose animals, Midori didn't choose to specialize in weather. She was just always infatuated with it in all its forms, and eventually managed to catch a cloud spirit in a jar when she was no more than nine years old. Dori could absolutely destroy just about anyone she wanted to... She just doesn't want to. And when that power comes out for the first time it shocks people.

🍔: Are there any recent trends you think your OC would hate? Or love?

I don't know if this counts but like, there's a popular genre of animal video online where people will record like their cat or their dog or something coming after them, but you can clearly see that they're antagonizing that animal and then they post it and everyone things it is cute/funny. That really bugs her.

She did LOVE that trend that went around on tiktok a long while back where the chorus to Oh Klahoma would play and people would put little sheets over their animals to make them into ghosts. Midori thinks Halloween is a blast.

Verena:

🍇: What sort of friend are they? Where are they in the group dynamic?

Verena is a very loyal friend who tends to either struggle to stay in touch or who just fails to understand boundaries a lot. A big part of it is they're still learning how to People again and be a bit less dragon.

V is definitely a protector and a dad friend. They aren't super organized or prepared for anything, but they're the one you look to if you need to make a decision or if you need someone to get something for you or just get something done. They are extremely strong and don't care about getting dirty or doing the hard work. They'll huff and grumble and shut down arguments. They like to show out a bit. And they will eat anyone who is mean to their friends alive so... there's that.

🍾: Does your OC believe in luck? If so, do they have any charm or ritual they do before a stressful event?

Does Verena feel stress??? Lmao. They tend to go from their base line which is a very aloof "fine" to fury in a heartbeat. Verena doesn't worry about shit, that's for certain.

But no, they don't believe in luck. To Verena, you get what you take in life. If you want something go and get it. Either you're strong enough to take what you want and by that right it is now yours, or you're too weak and you don't deserve it. There's no chance, there is only your own ability and your own willpower.

V is very cut and dry. They believe in magic and that there are things that happen that they can't explain (because that's how they were made), but they also just kind of think that none of that is their business. They'll deal in what they know, in what is concrete and makes sense to them. Let other people worry about luck.

[man-squared]

Little silly how I'm seeing stuff about all men having male privilege and how women should be the center of feminism. Anyhow, long post and very binary centric because I am examining the binary centric arguments of others when it comes to feminism.

Sure, we have reiterated this many of times with how trans men aren't likely to pass and yada yada, but personally, I don't have male privilege. Full stop. I don't look cis, and I don't look like a man. I'm seen as an androgynous "ma'am." However, that doesn't make me not a man.

If you wanna talk about male privilege in actual meaningful ways, you have to look at the nuance of things and that male privilege is a thing that can be given and revoked at any time for any reason in any given situation.

I get that there is this one dimensional understanding of things about men. And to be fair, I didn't think about the things I do now when I was fresh in adolescent feminism as a "non man."

Are you frustrated with people talking about men in nuance? Okay, maybe that IS a you problem. Acknowledging how wishy-washy the system and society is about handing out male privilege is a reality. Hell, I have transfemme friends who have talked about their male privilege (which is their reality that I won't talk on).

We need to have more open, more nuanced conversations about our actual experiences from the trans man who doesn't gain male privilege to the one who does. That will strengthen our ideas and beliefs so we don't just rely on a one dimensional theory that man or male equals male privilege. That view is incomplete.

Additionally, (the post I saw wasn't claiming that men aren't affected by the patriarchy or included in feminism) men have a place in feminism.

Feminism is about men, too, because it seeks to define where men are different from women societal and systematically so that we all can create equal environments for all genders. If we don't examine men's issues, we will not fix women's issues (e.g. men's issues: societal expectations to deny and reject vulnerable can lead to women's issues: power imbalance in relationships, etc.).

Furthermore, this has been talked about a lot in transmasc / FTM spaces. While reproductive health and autonomy is not the end all of feminism, it is currently and historically a big proponent (or at least, a heavy proponent). Trans m&ms (trans mascs and men), more often than not, have issues similar to that of women's because society has decided they are women's issues. Even not looking at trans people, there are several groups of men who are sometimes denied the right to reproduce (incarcerated and intersex to name a few).

Feminism, although it shouldn't be just double-sided, is a double-sided coin. It is FOR men just as it is for women, so telling men that they should only center women in feminism is counterproductive and won't fix many issues. This is not to say that we let men go unchecked when they are being misogynistic or outright denying other's realities.

Men's issues are just as important as women's issues and often go hand-in-hand in fixing each other because the patriarchy hates us all. The patriarchy is about power imbalance and control. It's about keeping everyone in their little hierarchal boxes and away from the rest of the boxes. It doesn't want you discussing your wages, your home realities, or anything that makes you harder to control.

While feminism was born out of a need to uplift and protect women, the work doesn't stop there, and it can to actually do it's original intended purpose.

Nonetheless, while I haven't seen this, I don't disbelieve that there are people derailing posts about women's issues with men's issues. That isn't okay. There is a space for everyone, and taking over a post or hating on someone for their gender and issues is not okay.

Tldr: Women's and men's issues are important in the fight against the patriarchy. Men just talking about their issues in relation to feminism is not de-centering or devaluing women and their issues. Male privilege is freely given and taken by society on both a systematic and individual level. This very binary thinking is not helping anyone, let alone women.

[ah0rmone]

dazai osamu x fem! reader

warnings: nsfw, minors, dni! dubcon if you squint because the reader finds dazai annoying but attractive, non-consensual touching (at first), enemies/rivals to fuck buddies I guess?, fingering, vaginal penetration.

there are literally two self-defence techniques from here and here

"Why it has to be you?" you grumbled looking at the person who stood in front of you.

"Oh, who else would you like to see as your teacher? Kunikida-kun who's doing everything according to instructions, even fighting? Ranpo-kun who won't lift a finger unless it's a murder case? Or Tanizaki-kun who's always followed by Naomi-chan?"

The obnoxious man in front of you was called Osamu Dazai and, to be fair, you'd actually prefer any other agency member over him. Sure, he definitely had combat experience and, probably, wasn't that bad at teaching, given that Atsushi was still following him. But something about him was off and you didn't like it. Nor that you had any choice, Dazai was there for a reason and that reason was Fukuzawa's order.

"Whatever," you sighed. "Can we get to it already?"

Today was the day when you were supposed to learn some self-defence techniques. Your ability wasn't really of a combat type, so you never participated in fights but it didn't mean that you had a zero possibility of running into problems. It was your own request to be taught how to protect yourself.

However, you didn't feel quite confident at all. You genuinely hated conflicts and tended to avoid people, so all of this was a somewhat essential but still itchy experience. Your sporty shorts and a skintight top wasn't helping the situation either. Especially, since a person with who you were going to get quite close physically was a rather attractive young man. You and Dazai weren't that close, just colleagues who barely communicated. For you he was just as attractive as he was annoying - you wouldn't mind having a fling with him but nothing more. Maybe it was the way he carried himself: overly cheerful, loud and noisy. Or maybe it was the things he was hiding: his true mischievous, manipulative personality.

Taking a deep breath you reminded yourself that it was your idea, something that your survival depended on and that you just had to get over it.

"Usually you're not the one who fights, y/n-chan. So what are we doing here?" Dazai asked, a teasing smile on his lips.

His eyes were gleaming with a vicious sparkle. Your power imbalance was uncomfortable to you. You shrugged, the feeling that he was a big cat and you were his meal strongly sat in your guts.

"I'm here to learn how to defend myself. Like some easy techniques. I'm not very strong, keep it in mind," you reminded with a well-controlled flat voice but some notes of irritation would have been apparent even to the densest person.

Osamu didn't answer, instead, he let his fake smile turn into a smirk. For a moment the room fell into silence and you could swear that your heart was beating too loud. Both of you just stared at each other for some seconds until the smile returned on Dazai's lips and the man joyfully clapped.

"Okay, gotcha! First of all," he took a step closer. "The most important thing in fighting is a stable stance. Stand like this," he put the left leg forward and motioned you to follow him.

Hesitantly you mirrored his stance, the feeling of embarrassment washing over you. It wasn't even the physical activity that you hated but the way Dazai was gazing at you. Predatory eyes were gliding over your skin like he was analysing your tiniest movements. Like he was about to pounce.

Just as you anticipated, once you've finished copying him, Osamu clicked his tongue and stood up.

"No, y/n-chan, you're doing it wrong."

You were about to argue but Dazai was already behind you. Suddenly painfully aware of the warmth of his body you tried to move from him but he was quick to put a hand on your hip.

"Let me help you," his hot breath ran over the shell of your ear making you flinch a little.

While you were contemplating whether you should allow him to be that close, Dazai had already brushed his palm down your leg. Now he was standing next to you, your bodies touching.

"There," he encouraged, moving your leg a little further by the back of your knee. His other hand was still placed on your hip and such a position was taking away any personal space you had before.

"Thanks," you muttered, feeling the light smell of his cologne.

"Now you're standing rather steady, aren't you?" he beamed with his hand still on your leg.

"Ah, yeah," you muttered, grabbing him by the wrist and pushing it off yourself then taking a step back. "Guess, we can move to the actual stuff now."

"Y/n-chan!" Dazai exclaimed. "The stance is very important, I didn't show it for fun!"

You saw the man's lips curl into a pout but either than that he didn't display any sign of irritation by you pushing him away. Keeping that in mind you decided that even though he might not have any ill intentions you should stay on guard.

Something dropped behind the door and as you inverted your gaze to the sound you felt your hair being grabbed.

"What," you didn't even have the chance to end the question instantly being pushed to the wall.

Your colleague's right hand was holding firmly your hair, the other one gripping your waist. You tried to push back, but to no avail - his whole body was pushing you to the wall.

"Dazai," you growled.

"Too bad, y/n-chan," he cooed. "How can you protect yourself when you have such a short attention span? Look at you - one move and you're helpless."

The sting of resentment piercing through your heart encouraged you to grumble through the teeth:

"I told you I'm weak."

"And stupid apparently," he gibbed.

"Listen," you tried to free yourself but instead just shook your hips clumsily. "If you came here just to insult me, let's end it, I'll ask Fukuzawa-san to send someone else," voice full with venom, you wanted to be as far from Dazai as possible but instead felt with dread as your hips bucked into his. You jolted forward fighting for the tiniest bit of space.

If Dazai noticed, he didn't show it as there was no reaction whatsoever. However, your little touch wasn't the only thing he ignored:

"Let me instead show you how to deflect it," he proposed, paying no heed to your words.

He backed up and you got a chance to glance at him with unhidden irritation. He met your gaze with a cheesy smile like he wasn't a person degrading you a couple of seconds ago. However, giving it a little bit more thought you exhaled and nodded. After all, you should've picked up something from this lesson, not just the revelation that Dazai was a total dick and you wouldn't want him to be near you ever again.

You moved from the wall and this time he gripped your hair slowly.

"What you want to do now is to grab my hand by both of yours, then stand back to the stance I showed you earlier, turn underneath the arm, so that you twist it and when the person lets go, just bolt. Got it?"

You hummed in acknowledgement. Perhaps it wasn't that difficult. Perhaps, at the end of the day, the lesson would be fruitful.

"Try it then," he prompted and then tugged at your hair lightly.

Following his instructions, you grabbed his hand and as you were about to go underneath his arm, he spun you. His arm was firmly holding your throat.

"No, y/n-chan, I've told you your stance was wrong," he whined. "Let me show you again."

"What just happened?" you asked confusedly but he already was spreading your legs.

Osamu didn't answer, too busy putting you in the right stance. And you tried your best to concentrate on how your legs were placed instead of his fingers brushing over your ass a couple of times, once getting a little bit too close to your clothed vagina.

"Just like this," he said and his hand slid up from your knee to your waist getting under the top a little.

From your point of view, the skinship was completely irrelevant but you decided to keep your sharky comments to yourself. For now, you were going to follow his instructions and maybe you could avoid the conflict.

Maybe not.

This time around when you were trying to deflect his arm, once again he outpowered you. You cursed as he said with disappointment in his voice (you were pretty sure it was the fake one, he was enjoying it, that bastard):

"You're too slow, y/n-chan. Do you think attackers would just stand there and watch as you crawl your way out of their grip as a turtle in slow-mo?"

"Dazai, I'd appreciate it if you-"

"Again," he cut you harshly, puppeting you around like you were nothing but a doll.

His attitude towards you was so demoralizing you were fighting the urge to end it here and there. Losing all the motivation and looking exhausted, you tried to go through the motion again but Dazai wasn't having it.

"Hm, y/n-chan, kinda feels like you're not trying hard enough. Should I give you a motivation boost?" he exclaimed cheerfully but before you could say that he should go fuck himself he had already pushed you to the wall. Again.

You were expecting harsh words pouring from his mouth, but instead, it was the kisses as he roughly pulled your hair baring your neck for him. The hot tongue travelled from your shoulder to the globe of your ear, prompting you to jolt. Once again you attempted to push him away but could barely move. His left hand was pinning your wrist and his right one was painfully tagging at your hair, cranking your head to the side.

"Dazai," you wanted to let him know that you understood his intentions but he needed to stop when a not so gentle bite quickly shut you up.

He was licking and nipping leaving hickeys at your poor neck. You were squirming and whirling under his touch not giving up yet, so he thrust his hips into yours. There was no way you could keep any sounds in, so a whiny moan escaped your lips. You felt Dazai stopping, a satisfied smirk on his lips, then without saying a word, he continued torturing your sensitive neck. Two things were clear to you: a strong lust was taking over your body which meant that you were slowly losing yourself and that Dazai had just started playing with you, there were more to come.

Dazai. Dazai! Realising who was the man behind you, you tried to gain back control. Osamu was just being a bully, whywere you letting him see you in such a state? He certainly didn't deserve nor your moans, nor your hips grinding his.

You were thinking this but it took everything in you to not just give in to his touch. While you were having an internal battle, Dazai pulled away with a loud pop.

"Five."

"Five what?" you mewled weakly.

"There are five hickeys on your neck," Dazai murmured. "You look so good, all red and moaning. When you can't even do anything. You've been definitely enjoying it, sure you still want to continue learning self-defence techniques?"

You widened your eyes at his words.

"Excuse me?!" you exploded. "What the hell are you implying?!"

With all force, you shoved him in the side with an elbow. Dazai hissed and even though the attack was fairly weak he let go.

"I mean, no kink-shaming," he put hands in the air surrendering.

"What's your problem?!"

It was hard for you to overcome your desire of slapping him but no way in hell you were staying in one room with him for another second. You bolted but Dazai was quicker, catching your hand.

"Where're you going? For a moment there I thought you didn't agree and wanted to continue," he quipped. "Come on, that was just one technique."

"Dazai, let me go," you growled yanking your hand free. "I've had enough of you today, I'm leaving."

You had already turned to leave when he pulled you to the ground. You snorted in frustration, your legs fiercely kicking but the lack of strategy played against you and there you were - trapped under him. Osamu was sitting between your legs with his arms pinning yours to the ground.

You felt unbearably hot and weak, your cunt throbbing against his groin. His face was hanging right above yours, so close you could feel his breath. Unintentionally your eyes focused on his lips then you looked up. Only now you noticed how lustful his gaze was. He clearly was a winner today and he was about to enjoy his prize. As you licked your lips, your recognised your mistake - now your eagerness was more than obvious.

"I'm just parched," you faltered but it sounded pathetic even to you.

"I'm sure you are," Osamu whispered, sitting back. "One more technique and I'll let you go." His fingers gripped your thighs.

Since his weight was off you now, you felt kind of cold. Not knowing where to place your arms, you were about to put them next to your sides when Dazai commanded you to keep them still.

That position was too sexy for your liking - arms are placed next to your head, legs spread. All of it without his control felt like you were offering yourself to him. Like you were submitting. The man was clearly savouring it because his gaze was so intense, in the end, you even had to avert yours.

Dazai clearly didn't like it, tapping your left thigh:

"Look at me, y/n-chan, how else are you supposed to learn?"

You slowly turned back, embarrassed as your eyes darted all over him until they abruptly stopped at his crotch. There was a visible boner in his pants. When Osamu followed your gaze and loudly chuckled you felt your cheeks grow hot and desire growing stronger.

"Concentrate, y/n-chan," Dazai said amusingly but the only thing you could concentrate on was the wetness between your legs. You feared it might start to be visible through your shorts.

"Look, if someone got you into this position," Osamu continued like both of you didn't want the same thing and that thing was to fuck. "You have to keep your arms straight and put them on your shoulders, like this," he gently took your hands and placed them as he instructed. "Then you should put your leg on my hip," he tried to do it for you once again but your leg was wobbly. All the strength you had was wasted on keeping your arms straight.

Dazai sighed theatrically but he couldn't keep a vicious sparkle in his eyes.

"Y/n-chan," he whinged. "You're such a bad student. Weak. Stupid," his fingers were slowly stroking your thigh. "Having a short attention span. Don't you think that you should have concentrated on learning some stuff instead of thinking about my cock?" With this question his arm groped your ass, pulling you closer.

He gripped your hips and you let out a moan. Now you weren't trying to hold back. You were already a loser, might as well enjoy it. Being a tease he was, Dazai wasn't ready to give you everything right then and there but you were having none of it. You hooked your legs around his waist and pulled him closer by his collarbone. Osamu certainly wasn't ready for such a force so he confusingly complied.

"Call me stupid one more time and I'm leaving," you warned him, a confident smirk playing on your lips.

Dazai's face quickly changed from surprised to a perverse one. He dropped down on you, pinning you with his whole body and slammed his hips into yours. As you moaned he caressed your face, lovingly brushing your hair, and then whispered:

"I'm gonna break you, pretty doll."

With one swift motion, he put your wrists in one hand pinning it above your head, his tongue running over your lips then dragging you into a deep kiss. As you two were hungrily kissing each other you felt his fingers crawling under your waistband. You jolted, an instinct of placing your hand over his acting up but he was still holding you firmly. He ran one finger over your cunt but you were already shaking, silently begging for more.

"Dazai," you moaned desperately asking him to get down to business.

"You're so wet, y/n-chan," he licked your earlobe making you writhe. "I wish I teased you a little bit more," he started to kiss your jaw getting lower and lower. "I said that I'd break you but it seems you're already at your limit," he chortled, helping you to take your top and bra off.

"You look so beautiful," he murmured once you were almost fully naked in front of him.

Suddenly his gaze turned soft and you felt even more aroused than you before. Gladly the man wasn't planning on wasting any time as he started to lick, nip and bite one of your nipples, playing with his fingers with another. Moaning lewdly and rutting your hips you put your hand into his hair, curling soft strands in your fingers.

When he finished playing with your tits, he wanted to go further down, to place kisses on your lower stomach, but you decided to get back at him. Placing your straight hands on his shoulders, you put a leg on his thigh just as he instructed and squirmed out of his grip.

"You talk about me but look at yourself," you shoved a knee between his thighs, pushing it at his boner. "You were hard even before I started to feel something else besides irritation."

Now it was Osamu whose breath hitched. You were savouring your little win when he looked back at you with a dangerous grin. That was when you realised you fucked up. He quickly grabbed your leg and turned you over on the stomach. Laying down on you, he harshly seized your hair and hissed:

"A+ for learning the technique, but your attitude towards you teacher," he took off your shorts with pants nearly ripping them. "Needs some correction."

That was when the sound of a loud slap broke the silence of the room. You jolted, a gasp leaving your lips. You tried to crawl from him but his grip on your hair was strong.

"Come on, y/n-chan, it was just one slap. Don't you think you deserve it?" The hand that hit you was stroking your bruised ass cheek.

"It fucking hurt," you spit.

"Was it?" Dazai chuckled. "Say that you're sorry."

"For what?" you raged but another hit was your answer.

"Dazai, stop," you sobbed.

"Wrong," he retorted slapping your ass again. "Plus, if you don't like it why are you leaking so much?"

You embarrassingly bit a lip at his remark.

"A little bit of masochistic, are you?" Dazai noted. "Well, if you insist, I can keep on going."

You knew that both of you were barely holding it, so you decided to submit. Just this once.

"I'm sorry!" You squealed after another hit.

"Good girl," Osamu placed a soft kiss on your back still not letting go of your hair. "Now it's time for a treat."

And with that, he finally pushed the first finger into you. Since you were so wet there was a little pool under you, Dazai successfully pushed another finger shortly after. You quivered and jerked your hips begging him to move. This time around your colleague decided not to tease you.

As his fingers were pumping in and out of you, you were trying to push your head down to steady yourself but Dazai didn't let go. You were completely at his will.

"'m close," you mewled, your eyes rolling back.

Dazai hummed in acknowledgement and withdrew his hand. You groaned offendedly but heard the sound of a condom wrapper being ripped and then felt something else rubbing at your entrance.

Finally, Osamu positioned himself behind you and pushed inside, your pussy stretching obediently. The fullness made you gasp pervertedly. As he started moving your mind went completely blank. The only thing that existed for you at that moment was Dazai and his cock inside of you. He let go of your hair, one hand now was holding your hips and another one was giving attention to your clit.

You had no idea how he was still holding on but once your sensitive bud got stimulated you quickly come undone.

"Once more," Dazai panted while moving and playing with your clit simultaneously.

Even though you were tired, you had actually felt desire growing again. Osamu was just way too good for you to resist. You thought that the only thing he was chasing was his high, but he didn't cum until you orgasmed again denying himself every time he got too close. That's why when you cummed for the second time you did it toghether.

He rolled off you, but you couldn't move even a finger, for a moment you've gone completely numb. Your chest was going up and down with heavy breaths, your heart was racing. None of you spoke because you didn't know what to talk about. Especially, since you, personally, felt way too embarrassed to admit that you had just cummed two times because of an annoying Dazai Osamu.

"Looks like we ended in time!" Dazai chirped after some time and you looked at the clock realising that you spent here one hour. Just like it was promised.

"Wish I had actually learned something though," you remarked lazily, trying to pull on your shorts back. You just had to make it to the shower room and then wear your casual clothes. However, your pants were completely ruined.

"Well, if you think that you need another one, just let me know," you looked back at Dazai and his smirk told you that he wasn't meaning the self-defence lessons. You felt your cheeks grow hot again.

"Yeah, sure," you muttered, awkwardly leaving the training room.

From now on you intended on avoiding Dazai whenever it's possible.

Little did you know he had other plans.

[darkpoisonouslove]

Can you pinpoint every reason why you don't like sparxshipping? Also, i don't mean to be rude but don't you think that sparxshipping is so overrated? I lOVE your fanfictions about griffin and valtor and sadly there isn't much fanart with them. Honestly every fanfiction on ao3 about them is under your name. Are there people who ship griffin x valtor other than you?

Sure, I can pinpoint why I don't like the ship.

A big thing for the this ship seems to be the belief that Valtor likes the fact that Bloom is his equal in power because she has the Dragon Fire and he feels like she's someone that would be worth fighting. I say that canon points to the exact opposite where Valtor hates the fact that Bloom could be considered his equal because of the Dragon Fire and that's why he wants to get rid of her. I actually spoke more extensively about that in this post.

I also don't get the impression that Bloom can match Valtor in other ways that aren't connected to the Dragon Fire. He constantly gets the better of her whether it would be by cheating or emotionally manipulating her. I don't see any kind of balance in that relationship and that makes it impossible to function.

I do not see touching points between them other than the Dragon Fire and both of them having a temper. Valtor is everything Bloom isn't - manipulative, dishonest, power hungry, suave, seductive, slightly more strategic. Idk, I've just come across the claim that they're essentially the same one too many times and I don't see it at all.

I am not a fan of the idea that they're destined to be together because of their bond through the Dragon Fire. I think that's boring because they have no control over that bond. And idk if that is the canon canon version but I just recently learned that it might not be and for me it has always been canon - the Dragon Fire was Daphne's power at first and she gave it to Bloom. So Bloom wasn't even supposed to have it. You could argue that's an intervention from destiny but even so, I don't care. I want characters that connect through their own choices and experiences, not characters that were put together by the universe and don't have any other option but to be together.

Speaking of the Daphne thing, Valtor is allegedly a 1000 years old. That means that he's been around for a lot of Bloom's ancestors so he had the same bond through the Dragon Fire with the rest of them. Bloom isn't special or exclusive when it comes to that.

Also in that vein, the bond between them is never played up on his end in the show. He's even startled when Winx catch him in Alfea's library in 3x23, which means he didn't feel Bloom getting closer to him. He never uses the bond to his advantage so I don't think he cares about it. And Bloom only ever uses it to track him down when the plot remembers that convenience exists. It's not a big deal even though it could have been. In fact, it should have been.

That's right. I think that the bond between them had potential, just not in a romantic context. I think the dynamic between the two of them would have been at its most interesting if they'd really leaned into the power imbalance that already exists and made Valtor mess with her head by using the bond. He is the only person left that knows what it's like to have the Dragon Fire (if you don't count the Trix but they only had it briefly because they stole it so it's not the same). He could wreck her emotionally by poking to life a feeling of loneliness and isolation in her with the idea that her friends might love her but it doesn't matter because they don't understand the burden she carries and they never will. He could even try to use that into manipulating her to hand the Dragon Fire over to him. This dynamic is most interesting to me when Valtor hates Bloom's guts but is being strategical about it and Bloom hates him but she can't get over her emotions in order to counter the influence his words have on her. He could scar her so much worse than the Trix and Darkar ever did and it's a shame that never happened.

I don't feel like throwing stones in a glass house but I think a big reason people have for shipping this is that they project on Bloom and like Valtor. I kinda get the projection since I also do a certain amount of that when it comes to Griffin but I have zero interest in Valtor outside of him being an (potentially) interesting character. And I ship him with Griffin because I think that story has a lot of potential both on a thematic and on a character level. I just don't see as much potential in a relationship between him and Bloom.

I don't know if I'd call it overrated. People can ship whatever they want. If it does it for them, cool. I think the Dragon Fire bond is overplayed, though, because it is the most canon thing the ship hinges on.

Thanks, I'm glad you're enjoying the stories. I just wish I could work faster so I could do more stories. (I have one other thing for them that's written but I have to make the aesthetic work and it's not cooperating. Also, the theme and characterizations need a lot of fixing as well.)

We definitely need more Griffin x Valtor content but not every fanfiction is under my name. I know because I've checked the tag. @her-majesty-wears-jeans, @trashcankitty12, @darcyinstilettos also ship them and have all written stories about them that are on AO3. @silverdragonstarlight also ships it but they've been inactive for a long while and the story they have on FFN hasn't been updated either. @ravensinthedaylight has also started a story on both AO3 and FFN that's under the Griffin x Valtor tag. I also know of other people who think Griffin x Valtor was a thing even if they don't actively ship it. A couple people on FFN have also told me that I've gotten them to ship it.

P.S. That's right, I have zero problems with the age difference. The thing is that Bloom was already 16 in season 1 if she thought her parents had bought her a scooter so by the time she meets Valtor, she's closer to 19 than she is to 18. And again, stones in a glass house - Griffin doesn't look much older than Winx and the Trix in those flashbacks with Valtor. Plus, he's an immortal. No one would be his age. And perhaps the biggest counter argument to the age thing - if Bloom is allowed to make decisions that concern the existence of the whole universe, she can probably handle picking out a man for herself. That imbalance between her and Valtor I mentioned isn't based on their age difference but on the different type of people they are and the fact that Bloom has trauma and emotional wounds that he is exploiting. It could still happen to her even if she were as old as he is. The age argument is just an excuse to hate on the ship imo.

[mybg3notebook]

Gale: Hypothesis and Analogies – Part 1

Here, I compile several hypotheses that are pretty common to find around, expressing my opinion on them and showing what EA has given us so far to justify them or not. 

Disclaimer Game Version: All these analyses were written up to the game version v4.1.104.3536 (Early access). As long as new content is added, and as long as I have free time for that, I will try to keep updating this information. Written in June 2021.

Disclaimer about interpretations of Real Life concepts: I’m not a fan of bringing real life issues into plain analogies/allegories in a game which intention in doing so was not made explicit, but the fandom seems to like this aspect and therefore I would like to share those opinions here as well since some seems reasonable despite not being of my taste. This topic may be sensitive for some people. Be aware of it.

Hypothesis: Gale was groomed

Concept

Grooming is building a relationship, trust, and emotional connection with a child or young person (and sometimes their family as well) to lower the child's inhibitions with the objective of sexual abuse. Grooming allows offenders to slowly overcome natural boundaries long before sexual abuse occurs. On the surface, grooming a child can look like a close relationship between the offending adult, the targeted child and (potentially) the child’s caregivers. The grooming process is often misleading because the offender may be well-known or highly regarded in the community. As a result, it’s easy to trust them. Although grooming is more common among children, it may happen with adults too, especially in work environments.

Stages: First, perpetrators may target and exploit a child’s perceived vulnerabilities: emotional neediness, isolation, neglect, a chaotic home life, or lack of parental oversight, etc. They work to gain the trust of parents/caregivers to lower suspicion.

Once the perpetrator begins to fill the child's needs, they may assume a more important role in the child's life. Perpetrators utilize tactics such as gift giving, flattery, gifting money, and meeting other basic needs. Tactics may also include increased attention and affection towards the targeted child. The perpetrator uses isolation tactics to reinforce their relationship with the child by creating situations in which they are alone together or by cultivating a sense that they love and understand the child in a way that others, even their parents, cannot. 

Once emotional dependence and trust have been built, the perpetrator progressively sexualizes the relationship. When sexual abuse is occurring, perpetrators commonly use emotional manipulation; they make the child believe they are the only person who can meet their emotional and material needs. The child may feel that the loss of the relationship, or the consequences of exposing it, will be more damaging and humiliating than continuing the unhealthy relationship. 

Behavioural consequence

The consequences on victims of grooming tend to be very different depending on the victim's age, personality, and psychology, but some broad leftover traits or behaviours can be summarised as:

They are too eager to please and have a great avoidance of angering others.

Big desire for privacy: they know others will not understand what they lived.

The victim becomes withdrawn, or they may seem troubled by something but unwilling to talk about it. Alternatively, their emotions might become more volatile.

They tend to be unaware of the abuse for a long while even after the relationship ended. 

If they are aware, they tend to display shame and embarrassment for what happened.

They can suffer abandonment issues depending on the way this relationship ended. 

They tend to develop difficulties to maintain relationships.

This situation tends to be particularly invisible or dismissed for men and boys due to social norms about masculinity.

Inside the context of BG3

First, it's important to estimate Gale's age. More or less the fandom agrees he is currently (1492DR) in his early 30s. Mystra returned in 1479DR (read the post about "Mystra and her Chosen ones" for details), so Mystra may have lured Gale into serving her as Chosen when he was around 17 years old (this depends on every player’s perception of Gale’s age)

This gives us a good estimation of the context: When Mystra returned thanks to Elminster—who gave her most of his Silver Fire—she immediately started to strengthen her network of Chosen ones and to work on repairing the Weave to its original state. Due to this unique context, Gale may have been observed by Mystra as a precious asset: a very young wizard who could not only control the Weave but compose it: a great skill to repair a still weak Weave. Furthermore, in the novel Dead Masks (1491DR), it is stated that the best way to cast a spell with a weakened Weave is to "twist" it instead of using it for tapping into the Raw Magic. In this book it is not clear if this is a skill that only Chosen ones have, but it has a strong similarity with Gale's skills.

Although we don't know much about Gale's childhood, if he was neglected or not as a child to be more easily lured by the Goddess, we can agree that it's most likely that Mystra has been watching him as a potential candidate since a child. Gale explicitly says: "I’ve been in touch with the Weave for as long as I can remember". And as far as Forgotten Realms lore goes, Weave and Mystra are the same. We also know that this is a common behaviour of Mystra who has been watching precocious, skilful wizards before choosing them for her goals: for example, Midnight. 

When Gale reached an age that could be considered a "(very) young man", she seduced him, using his passion and love for Magic to lure him. She offered him a deep connection with her and with the Weave: with Magic itself. After seeing Gale's passion for magic, it is understandable that he—as a teenager or a young man—must have been dazzled by her and her proposal. We know that, in the novel Elminster: a mage in the making, she offered to Elminster exactly what he wanted the most: power to make his revenge possible . By the end of the encounter, Elminster became “charmed” by her despite hating her throughout all his life, turning into her devotee. This situation can be interpreted as another example of how Mystra works: she seems to lure her potential Chosen with the promise of giving them what they are most passionate about.

Once Mystra slept with her Chosen, and imbued her divine essence on them, she left them to their own devices, making them wait for her commands. In Elminster’s and Sammaster ‘s case, both were put under tests, being forced—by their own drive to please the Goddess—to develop more magic and personal skills to serve her. In the process, both developed an obsession for her. Elminster's seems to be less self-destructive than Sammaster's, but the latter could be understandable since he always suffered from madness. My point is, the pattern continues with Gale: driven by this obsession of wanting Mystra close, to please her, Gale tried to control an ancient magic, and failed, being abandoned by Mystra due to this mistake.

Gale, according to this interpretation as a victim of grooming, is still stuck in the process: he wants to please Mystra, wants to right his wrongs, even though in some scenes he seems to have been over her, in others he still seems to be very attached to her (it's hard to know which is the most accurate since it's EA and Gale was rushed), he keeps all this trouble in private because he knows nobody will understand.

Unlike an adult who realised he was victim of grooming, Gale seems to be still not over that relationship, showing many of the behavioural consequences: 

Gale is a person who is always eager to please and avoid confrontations. If there is no choice he will use violent means, but he will always push for diplomatic approaches [1,2]. This trait seems to favour this interpretation.

He has a strong sense of privacy to the point that he is considered "shady". A lot of that desire for privacy may come from the fact that he knows no one will understand the unique relationship he had with a bigger entity. This can be seen by choosing the meanest options during the Weave and the Loss. Despite his many troubles, he remains secretive, acknowledging that "some things can't be spoken". 

He is completely unaware of having been a victim of such power imbalance. He doesn't see abuse in it, and he is not performative about this fact, since he is very private on the topic until very late in game.

Nobody can deny his abandonment issues (which are even explicitly pointed out in the dev's notes) [20]

We can infer, by all the information given, that Mystra has been his first (and presumably only) relationship so far, giving a possible hint that he may have decided not to enter another relationship again or may have felt apprehensive about it (even though I personally think this impediment is mainly caused by the “orb”).

I don't completely subscribe to this interpretation because I don’t think Mystra’s main goal has been sexual abuse, but the creation of servants and devotees that allow her to expand her power. To do so, she uses sex as part of the “ritual” that transforms certain mortals into Chosen Ones. The way in which this is indirectly explained in the novels makes me remember the concept of Zeus and his abuse of mortals: he spreads part of his divinity in the form of demi-god offspring. In Mystra’s case, she seems to leave part of her divinity in the Chosen one that slept with her: the “seed” of semi-divinity. 

However, it’s not clear if sleeping with her Chosen ones is a procedure she always does. Her daughters may have inherited her divinity when she conceived them while possessing a mortal body, but other female Chosen Ones seemed to be out of this process. Ed Greedwood also has a constant discourse in his novels where he explains that magic is “better” understood or much easily wielded by females because “they are connected to their emotions” and another stereotype of this kind. What seems to be clear is that Forgotten Realm lore hides as much as possible its queerness, and when it comes to Mystra, this habit of sleeping with her Chosen seems to apply (or at least make it more explicit) only to male mortals. So in short, her main goal was to catch another useful mortal to her group of Chosen Ones, and to do so, she lured Gale with all what she could offer. I also believe gods are gods, and they are immensely overpowered and entitled to do whatever they want in this fantasy world. They don't follow mortal rules, so they may have little scruples to do anything they see necessary to achieve their own goals, no matter if the consequences of their actions affect children, teenagers, or adults. 

Mystra in particular has been a very neutral goddess (due to her many rebirths), not particularly cruel as an evil deity could be, but not completely selfless either: she has conceived her daughters using a mortal vessel who previously gave her consent but without knowing the consequences of giving birth each year for a decade while containing a goddess inside. Mystra also profited off of Sammaster's madness (some Harpers who wrote Sammaster’s reports suspect she could have been able to cure him): she may have actively decided not to in order to let his genius madness increase her realm of power/magic. Therefore, Mystra may have had little scruples to use a very young Gale enamoured with magic to turn him into another Chosen whose skills could fix the Weave given the context that it had been severely weakened after the Spellplague. So the grooming is not completely misplaced in my opinion.

Gale's Chosen selection process is not different to what we can read in the book of the Cult of the Dragon, where Sammaster became obsessed with Mystra after sleeping with her and developed metamagic as a consequence to impress her. Or in the novel Elminster, the making of a mage, where Elmister originally despised Mystra and every magic user. However, after being in her presence, he fell for her charm, and never could get over his "love" for her, suffering a lot of painful circumstances to just be a "good devotee" and serve her.

Mystra is written in most novels as the living allegory of the beautiful "mean" woman who will always ask for more from her poor captivated men, but she will never be completely satisfied, no matter how much they sacrifice. She acknowledges the effort, but she is always asking for more. Only with Elminster she actively tried to save him from the Hells, showing, for a change, that her Chosen can be a bit more than mere pawns in the big game of divine power. However, it's important to highlight that the last rebirth of Mystra has changed her: in the novel Dead Masks some of the Seven Sisters explicitly say that Mystra has turned paranoid, asking each of her Chosen to do missions that the others cannot know. She has become more secretive and cryptic than ever. 

Mystra's actions seem to have worse connotation if we think that she can have visions of the future, as she had when she decided that Sammaster had to be her Chosen: she had foresaw the death of another Chosen and she wanted him to fill that vacuum before the event happened. So she may have foreseen Gale’s actions in his naive way to impress her. Maybe she wanted him to do it, so she could have a new piece of magic in her realm. But this is mere speculation, we will need the full release of the game to have the answer.

As I explained, despite not being a fan of it, the interpretation of grooming is not a bad one. It fits mostly if it's applied to a teenage boy, and probably it would have been taken a bit more seriously and less prone to jokes inside the fandom if Gale were a female character and Mystra a male God. 

Hypothesis: Gale has abandonment Issues

Concept

Abandonment issues arise when an individual has a strong fear of losing loved ones. A fear of abandonment is a form of anxiety. It often begins in childhood when a child experiences a traumatic loss. Children who go through this experience may then begin to fear losing other important people in their lives. Some individuals continue to fear abandonment as they grow older. Although it is less common, abandonment issues can also sometimes begin in adulthood. 

The loss often stems from a trauma, such as a death or divorce. Emotional abandonment, where a parent or caregiver is physically present but emotionally absent, may also give rise to abandonment issues later in life. It is not clear what makes one person develop this fear, since not all humans who have experienced similar losses do it. Trauma — potentially from abuse or poverty — may play a role, as may the level of emotional support that a person receives following a loss. These issues can have a significant effect on a person’s life and relationships because they fear that the other person will leave them at any moment. 

Behavioural signs/consequences

Being overly eager to please ( a “people pleaser”) 

Pushing others away to avoid rejection

Jealousy of the partner or the others when in a relationship.

Trouble trusting their partner's intentions.

Feeling insecure about their relationships.

Codependency

Need for continuous reassurance that others love them and will stay with them

Persisting in unhealthy relationships

Inability to maintain relationships: or moving quickly from one relationship to another or sabotaging them

Inside the context of BG3

I'm not going to explain this in great detail since it's spread in most of the posts I’ve done about Gale's analysis. What it's clear is that Gale has a constant fear for abandonment once he starts caring for Tav as a friend or/and lover, and this fear makes him prone to do things of poor taste. This fear seems to make him look for acceptance that only through a night of intimacy can give him. This information is apparently in the book he read, making us guess that his experience with relationships is rather poor if nonexistent. Dev's notes also reinforce the idea that Gale fears abandonment:

Gale: It is my truth, finally revealed. It is this folly that led Mystra to abandon me completely. I can only hope you won’t abandon me as well. After all we’ve been through. After the night we spent together. Surely we can brave even this side by side Dev's note: Solemn. Full of yearning, his news will not lead to him being abandoned by the player. 

Gale: Loyalty is such a… such a very rare commodity. Dev's note: The reference to loyalty foreshadows Mystra leaving him. 

So far in EA, we can see that Gale checks some behavioural consequences of this fear: he is always eager to please, approaching Tav with courtesy and jovial manners, only displaying his most acidic side to a Tav whose actions are evil. In that case, Gale cares little if Tav leaves him. With the Loss scene we can see that it is hard for him to give his trust to others, pushing them away because they would not understand the grave mistake he made. His trust demands constant progression from the Stew scene, to the Weave, to the Loss scene. If he is romanced, he asks several times if Tav is thinking of the Weave moment. When Tav asks him this question, Gale will deflect, always asking back to have Tav’s answer first before giving his: it could be interpreted as Gale looking for constant reassurance in the blooming relationship. 

However, in my opinion, the best situation that shows his abandonment issues is during our meeting with Gandrel. Gale disapproves of handing over Astarion, by telling Tav about an anecdote of a dog turning old and mean: how his friend got rid of the animal just because it was an inconvenience. This is very curious since Gale's mistrust for Astarion is not a secret: he stated many times that Astarion is a danger to the group, and his wickedness causes him to strongly dislike him. The reason for this is quite obvious if we see both lists of approvals: mostly what one approves the other disapproves. Despite all this, Gale strongly judges Tav for handing Astarion over, and his disapproval for doing it shows that Gale is not lying on the matter: the meta-knowledge is trustworthy information. 

This can be understood better when Tav defends Astarion against Gandrel: Gale approves twice of defending him. If Astarion is not in the group when meeting the monster hunter, the first approval happens when Tav recognises that Astarion is part of their companions/friends (therefore, Tav is showing care for their group). The second approval happens when Tav reinforces their loyalty to Astarion insisting that they won’t give his location (this is a clear display of loyalty that Gale acknowledges as rare. See the post of "Gale Hypotheses- Part 2", section: "Proposition to Cheat" for more details). Although Gale will explicitly question this decision, he secretly approved it (the approvals we saw are meta-knowledge: only the player sees them). Considering the undeniable context that Gale deeply dislikes Astarion, we may interpret this as Gale seeing in Tav a loyal person who will not abandon someone they care for, even if that person endangers them. Loyalty is something that resounds deeply in Gale due to his abandonment issues. 

 Another detail on this matter can be seen during the party. If Tav arranges spending the night with a companion and then asks (non-romanced) Gale the same, he will answer:

Gale: You are all too quick to abandon the one you promised yourself to. It’s not a quality I admire.

This line shows that first, Gale is not interested in casual sex; he needs the connection that the Weave provides and Tav’s explicit, previous romantic interest in it. Second, when Gale is romanced but Tav sleeps with someone else, Gale will not interfere in that affair, but he may not like it (due to his, I suppose, jealous comment since he doesn’t display an approval penalty for this). However, he seems to equate loyalty with commitment, understanding that affair as a fling but believing he still holds the romantic interest of Tav, hence his proposition the next day. More details in the post of "Gale Hypotheses- Part 2", section: "Proposition to Cheat".

---------

Sources for both parts:

Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders ( 5V)

Some concepts were summarised from: https://melcrowecounsellor.com www.d2l.org/child-grooming-signs-behavior-awareness/

This post was written in June 2021. → For more Gale: Analysis Series Index

[etherrealoblivion]

A Broken System

MASTERLIST

Summary: At her birthday celebration, Y/N is out on the town enjoying herself when she runs into a cute FBI agent who she’d love to take home and do terrible things to. Normally, someone meeting an FBI agent at a bar wouldn’t be that big of a deal. There’s just one, miniscule, microscopic, meager, problem... Y/N is only twenty.

tags: Large Age Difference, power imbalance, choking, Dom/sub, safe sex, vaginal penetration, dirty talk, cliffhanger.

A/N: this just made so much more sense in third person. i tried replacing it with second person, but trust me it did not work. hope you enjoy! gif by @toyboxboy​

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Female!Reader

Rating: Explicit

Words: 5,930

~

Spencer Reid never really thought he was attractive.

Probably had something to do with his perpetually messy hair, gangly stature, and his tendency to ramble on and on and on and. . .

Yeah. Like that.

Another factor definitely was the fact that he was in his 30’s and had never really had a stable relationship. Sure, he’d had relationships with a few women. Well, two women. The first being a girl he’d met in college with whom he had a brief fling. Spencer didn’t really count it as a stable relationship due to the fact they barely even kissed. And the other woman, the only woman he’d ever really loved, died tragically several years ago. 

Maeve.

Maeve was the real reason Spencer didn’t like going to bars with Morgan or being set up on dates by Penelope. She was the reason that Spencer wasn’t interested in anyone anymore. Who could possibly compare to Maeve?

Damn it. That was the other reason he wasn’t looking to date. He knew how the mind worked and there was no doubt that if any new person came into his life, she’d be unconsciously compared to Maeve. He couldn’t put anyone through that. 

So, Spencer Reid stayed single. Which, for him, was relatively easy. Whenever someone started to get a little too close with him, he’d blabber and spout facts until they ran off. Morgan would ask what happened and Reid would just put on a slight frown, mumbling how she had to go. 

The charade got more effortless the more they went out. Morgan, almost always going home on the arm of some woman and Spencer content to get a cab back to his own place, have a quick efficient orgasm, and fall asleep.

He had a system. And no one was going to break it.

~

Y/N hated the summertime. 

Well, she didn’t usually. Anywhere else on the planet it would be mildly enjoyable. The beach, ice cream, staying up all night. All that fun crap. In Washington D.C, however, summer was hell.

But! When one was accepted into Georgetown and their parents offered to pay FULL tuition plus housing, how can one say no?

Seriously, she wanted to know.

After two whole years in this armpit of a town, Y/N had finally gotten used to the sweltering heat that plagued the city during the summer. Whatever. She just stayed in the comfortable A.C. all day anyway.

But, the summer before her third year was almost over, and the only thing she could think about now was graduating with a major in Journalism. She didn’t really like most of the courses, but it’s what she needed to do to become a full-time editor.

Living in a rent-free apartment was heaven. No roommates meant no worrying about, well, anything. The only problem was, her parents could hold it over her head every time they called. Which is why she never answered their calls.

Today, however, answering was unavoidable.

Because not only was it the day before her first class, today was her twentieth birthday.

Y/N was in the middle of getting dressed to go out with her friends when her phone vibrated from the kitchen table.

“Hello?”

She tried so hard to suppress the cringe at her mom’s voice.

“Sweetie! How are you? Are you eating?”

“Yes, mom.”

Oh boy. Strong start, mom. 

“You look skinny in the pictures on Facebook!”

Yeah, she was definitely going to be late.

Surprisingly, it only took five minutes to push her mom off the phone, insisting that her friends were on their way and she had to keep getting ready. 

A sharp rap on the door saved her.

“Come on!! It’s almost ten!” Y/N’s friend, Mina, said, annoyed. “All the old people leave the bars at ten and if we don’t get there soon, the bouncers won’t let us in!”

Y/N didn’t really understand the logic there. Hot girls always got into bars. Especially late at night. How were there not more crimes committed in clubs? Maybe she’d find out in her first class tomorrow.

“Hey!” Mina snapped her out of it, “Come on! Let’s go.”

They arrived outside a dinky little club a few minutes later. It had taken Y/N a while to get accustomed to how close everything was together in this town. Before college, she had been a small-town girl. Promise ring and everything. That, uh. That didn’t last long.

Before they got in line, Mina took a long satin sash out of her purse and secured it across Y/N’s torso.

“What the hell’s this?”

The sash was white with large pink flowy letters that poignantly spelled out: Birthday Bitch.

“It’s a sash.”

Three of Mina’s friends strode up, quickly exchanging hugs and wishing Y/N a happy birthday.

“I see that it’s a sash, but why am I wearing it?”

Mina confidently strode up to the bouncer, Y/N at her side, fake ID at the ready. Technically, it was the right birthdate, the year was just a little off.

“Go through. Happy Birthday,” the guy said, barely sparing the ID a glance, more focused on the huge sash. It made sense. She didn’t look her age. No one would think she was only in college by taking a glance at her.

“Oh, thank you.”

“Look,” Mina pulled her aside just before they entered, “this makes every single guy in there want to buy you a drink. So, go enjoy a free Shirley Temple, on me.”

Y/N scoffed and entered the club, immediately overwhelmed by the booming of the music.

Jesus Christ. How did people not die from this? It felt like her heart was beating out of her chest.

Sure, she’d been in a bar before. But not a real, proper club. She was pretty sure she saw some people wearing neon. Oh my god, there was a DJ.

Suppressing a laugh, she headed to the bar. At least there was a bar. There were so many people gathered around though that she couldn’t get much access to the one bartender on staff.

Luckily, he spotted her sash that seemed to shine under the blacklights.

“Hey, make some room for the birthday girl!” 

And the crowd parted like the red sea, every man’s head turned towards her, and she cautiously approached the bartender who gave her a quick wink.

“Scotch. Neat.”

A dark man with a silver nose ring slid onto the stool next to her.

“It’s on me,” he addressed the bartender, staring at her the whole time. “So. Birthday girl. How old are you turning?”

She smiled softly. The sash was working great, but now she had to come up with a way to answer his question without explicitly lying. 

“Who wants to know?”

Maybe flirting would be distracting enough.

He smiled, glancing down for a moment, then holding out his hand. Ha. Men.

“I’m Jon.”

Ugh. She hated handshakes. But for this man, she might be able to make an exception.

“Y/N.”

Five minutes later, she wished with all her heart she could take the handshake back. Y/N should have known better than to talk to a guy at a club. They were all sleazebags. But! She did manage to get a couple of drinks out of it.

“If you’ll excuse me,” she said after his fifth time mentioning Outback Steakhouse.

But before she could leave the bar discreetly, a hand wrapped around her arm, yanking her back.

“Hey, what’s the matter? I thought we were talking?”

Y/N may have been a small-town girl, but that didn’t stop her from grabbing his shoulders and driving her knee up into his crotch, stomping off toward the exit.

Only when she got outside did she realize how fast her heart was beating. She leaned over, hands on her knees to catch her breath.

A soft hand on her shoulder made her snap around, grab the hand and twist it around the stranger’s back, shoving him up against the alley wall.

“I’m sorry!” the man squawked shrilly. “I’m sorry!” It wasn’t Jon.

“What were you doing?” she demanded, not releasing him yet.

“I saw you lean over. I just wanted to see if you were ok!”

She finally drank in the man’s appearance. He was wearing a soft purple sweater vest over a grey button-down, slacks, and worn black converse on his feet.

Confident that he wasn’t a threat, she released him and took a step back.

The man rubbed his elbow softly, glancing at her chest. Before she could tell him off for staring at her rack, he pointed to the sash.

“Is it your birthday?”

She looked down. Oh, he’d been looking at the sash of course. Then why did she feel … disappointed?

“Oh, yeah. Some guy bought me a drink and got a little, er, touchy.”

Suddenly, the man’s face went dark.

“Who is he? Where is he?”

He started to walk back into the club but she stopped him, reaching out and gently grabbing his arm.

“Hey! It’s fine. I kicked him in the crotch.”

The man’s eyes switched from anger to surprise in a flash. He flustered for a moment, before shoving his hands in his pockets and walking back into the alley.

Y/N now took a closer look at his face. He had deep, wise brown eyes, a small five-o-clock shadow gracing his jaw, and very full lips, the latter of which he was biting profusely. Aw. He was nervous. But why?

Maybe because he was in an alley with a random girl who had just been groped at a club and he didn’t know what to do.

She chuckled, attempting to diffuse the tension.

“Um. I didn’t get your name?”

He smiled brightly, thankful for the change in topic.

“Oh! Of course, sorry. I’m Spencer!”

And Y/N braced herself for the telltale outstretching of the hand.

But none came. He simply stood there, one hand in his pocket and the other waving at her, a dopey smile on his face.

Her face lit up. 

“You didn’t try to shake my hand,” she muttered, awed.

The man, Spencer, got an embarrassed look on his face, nervously rubbing the back of his neck.

“Sorry, I, uh. I’m a bit of a germaphobe. But, really, everyone should be! The amount of germs passed in a handshake is staggering. They really should be abolished altogether.”

“Right! People should just bow their heads or, or, wave!” she said excitedly, gesturing to his hand. “I mean a handshake is like a hug with a part of you that comes in contact with everything! Might as well go up to someone and start making out with them.”

As she spoke, his face lit up in wonder.

“Right? It’s crazy! But the thing is, some people actually do that! I was in that club for fifteen minutes and I swear I saw three couples leave together that definitely didn’t go in together.”

“I know!” she said, starting to pace in the cramped alley. “I mean, who goes home with someone that you just met! They could be a serial killer for all you know!”

She looked at Spencer and was delighted to see a joyful expression on his face. It suddenly occurred to her that she hadn’t introduced herself.

“I’m Y/N. Sorry for blabbering,” she waved, chuckling slightly.

Spencer smiled even wider.

“Don’t be sorry! Usually, I’m the one who has to apologize.”

“Apologize for what?”

“Blabbering,” he said sheepishly, hands back in his pockets. When he was talking, they had been moving about wildly. It was kind of endearing.

“I don’t know,” Y/N said, considering. “Blabbering is underrated. One could argue it’s the best way to learn useless information.”

“Well, I’d agree but no information is really useless.”

Y/N held up a finger.

“‘Information is useless if it is not applied to something important or if you will forget it before you have a chance to apply it.’”

Spencer’s mouth fell open.

“Timothy Harris?”

She nodded. “The 4-Hour Workweek. Outdated, but still applies.”

When she noticed his expression, it nearly knocked her breath away. He was looking at her like no one ever had before. Like he’d just realized the most important thing in the universe.

Before her cowardice could catch up, she took a step forward, closing the distance between them. His face went blank, shocked by the sudden approach. He nearly gasped when she spoke.

“It’s totally ridiculous to go home with someone you just met, right?”

Spencer’s eyes widened.

“Totally.”

“Why were you out tonight in the first place? You don’t exactly seem like the club-going type.”

He smiled softly.

“I, uh, just got a promotion last week. My friend Morgan wanted to take me out to celebrate. It was either this or karaoke.”

She chuckled softly, their faces so close he must have felt her breath.

“I don’t know, I’d have liked to see your rendition of Bad Romance. Has anyone ever told you you’ve got a whole Lady Gaga vibe?”

“You should see my Beyonce.” And he did a little mime of the Single Ladies dance, sending Y/N into a fit of giggles. Without thinking — probably due to the trace amounts of alcohol in her system, not enough to be drunk, but enough to be tipsy — she reached up her arms around his shoulders, clasping them together behind his neck like a teen slow-dancing at prom.

Spencer seemed startled by the sudden physical contact. He froze, hands unmoving at his sides.

Y/N pulled her arms back, stepping away from him, discouraged and embarrassed.

“Sorry,” she said, collecting herself and walking back towards the club door. “It was nice meeting you.”

“Wait!” he called before she could reenter the club. A tiny part of her let out a breath in relief. She turned around to see him with a hand outstretched toward her, frozen with the uncertainty of what to do next.

He recovered quickly, a blush visible on his cheeks in the lamplight of the alley.

“If you’re leaving, would you, um. Could I walk you home?”

She had no idea what possessed her in that moment but just as he spoke, she walked up to Spencer, threaded her fingers through his hair, and pulled him down into a passionate kiss.

To her surprise, he responded immediately, running his arms around her waist and pulling her flush against him, eagerly returning the kiss.

His lips were so warm. He tasted very faintly of alcohol and maybe a breath mint? Y/N let herself fall into the sensation.

Suddenly, her back was pressed up against the wall of the alley, Spencer’s hands lighting a trail of fire down her body. He hesitated, pulling back briefly to make sure she was ok.

A glint in her eye, she yanked him back down, tongues clashing together in a blaze of glory. He hiked her leg up around his hips, pressing them closer together. Y/N could feel the hardness in his pants pressing into her stomach, sending a wave of heat down to her core.

She pulled back. If they went any further, she didn’t know if she’d be able to leave the alley.

Y/N tried to hide the smile on her face but it was no use. She beamed at Spencer, linking her arm through his elbow.

“Lead the way. Wait, that doesn’t make sense, you’re taking me home. I’ll lead the way!”

And so they walked, arm in arm down the busy D.C. streets, silently enjoying each other’s company.

They arrived outside her apartment fifteen minutes later, Y/N clumsily unlocking the door, nervous from the thought of what was about to happen. They hadn’t explicitly said anything in particular. Was he going to come in? Would she invite him?

Spencer, it seemed, was also daunted, standing awkwardly on the threshold of her place, hands buried in his pockets.

An idea sprung into Y/N’s brain.

She approached him, wrapping her hands around his neck again only this time, his hands rested lightly on her waist.

“Still think going home with a stranger is a bad idea?”

Spencer chuckled softly, stroking the exposed skin of her waist from where her top had ridden up.

“I’m still debating it.”

“Oh?”

He slid his hand around the sash, fingers hovering above her chest.

“I never asked, how old did you turn?”

She smiled. For some reason, she felt she could trust this man. The worst that could happen was he calls the cops on her for having a fake ID. She could deal with that. Destroy the evidence, bat her eyes. Easy. Besides, he looked barely of age himself. She quickly wondered what he did for a living? He did say he got a promotion.

It would be easiest to just tell him the truth.

“I don’t know if I should tell you this…”

He chuckled lowly in her ear, moving his lips gently across her neck.

“I can handle it.”

She gasped at the sensation, legs clamping together.

“Officially, it’s my twenty-third. At least, that’s what it says on my ID. One of them.”

Spencer froze, waiting for her to go on.

Y/N quickly backtracked.

“It’s okay! I’m twenty! Not a minor, no worries.”

But Spencer pulled away, an extremely worried look on his face despite her assurance.

“What?” she asked.

“You’re underage.”

She rolled her eyes.

“Yeah? Come on, by one year. What, you never had a fake ID?”

“No!” he said shrilly, running a hand through his hair.

“Spencer, it’s ok! It’s not like I’m gonna get caught. I look much older and when are there cops at a place like that?”

He reached into his pocket and fished out a folded wallet. Snapping it open, Y/N’s jaw dropped at the FBI badge with his picture in the corner.

She floundered for a moment, unable to truly comprehend what was happening.

“You’re . . .”

“Yep,” he said shortly, pocketing the badge.

“Fuck.”

“Yeah, that’s pretty much my reaction too,” he said, sighing. “I should arrest you.”

Y/N took a step back, incredulous.

“Arrest me?”

“You have a fake ID. You’re clearly drunk.”

She scoffed, crossing her arms.

“Great idea, Spencer. Book me. Take me down to the FBI and tell them exactly what happened to lead to you finding out I’m only twenty. I’m sure they’ll need very specific details.”

A look of realization flitted across Spencer’s face and he buried his head in his hands, groaning.

“How old are you anyway?!” she demanded, upset at him for being upset.

“Thirty-four!” he shouted, throwing his arms up in the air.

Oh shit.

This was bad.

He was fourteen years older than her, in the FBI, and probably was seconds away from arresting her.

“There’s no way you’re thirty-four. I mean, look at you!”

He rolled his eyes, snorting, and beginning to pace the small hallway.

“This is exactly what I get. I meet a girl I really like for the first time in years and she’s decades younger than me. And a criminal!”

“Hey!” she said, shoving his shoulder. “Not decades. I’m not a criminal. And how the hell do you think I feel?  I’m out trying to have fun on my birthday, some guy gropes me leading me to run into the perfect man, take him back to my apartment thinking I’m gonna get lucky only to find out he’s a cop who’s gonna arrest me. Best birthday ever.”

Spencer eyed her carefully.

“Get lucky?”

Y/N’s eyes went wide. Shit. She hadn’t meant to reveal that part. Even though it was pretty obvious, something about it not being said added to the excitement.

“Did you really . . . I mean were you…. Um.” Spencer seemed to lose all authoritative tone suddenly, stammering nervously. It was such a 180, it shocked Y/N. 

“Was I going to let you fuck me?”

He cringed at the bluntness but nodded sheepishly.

“Yeah, Spencer. I was.” She scoffed. “Honestly, I still would. But I understand if I’m more than you can handle,” she said coyly, trying to keep a straight face. “Just please don’t arrest me, Sir.”

His expression darkened at her words. Something deep and lustful behind it. Feeling bold, she went with it.

“Or is it Agent?” she cocked her head, holding a finger to her lips in thought. “How do I address you properly, sir?”

A small groan left Spencer’s mouth and he stepped forward, brushing a hand over her hair.

“We shouldn’t do this, Y/N…”

Slowly, she backed up into her apartment, pulling him with her.

“We shouldn’t.” She gently led him to her bedroom, sitting down on the edge of the bed, him towering over her. “To be fair, you’re the one with handcuffs.”

He groaned again, wiping a hand down his face.

“This is a bad idea.”

But he crouched down in front of her, pressing his forehead to her exposed knee, breathing deeply.

“Spencer,” it was barely a whisper but he met her eyes instantly. She smiled gently, reaching out to him and coaxing him up from the floor so he was hovering above her, mouths inches apart. “Listen, you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to,” she assured him. “But I want this.”

She leaned back, pulling him with her so he was lying atop her, an obvious bulge pressing against her through their clothing.

“I want this, Spencer.”

Y/N hoped that he knew he could leave if he wanted. She didn’t want to pressure him into anything. Despite the age difference, she seemed to be the one more in control.

Spencer lowered his head, sighing.

“Fuck,” he moaned, lightly thrusting against her, a moan escaping her mouth at the contact.

That seemed to be the last straw.

He sat up, ripping his sweater vest off along with his button-down, quickly moving back over her, lips latching to her neck and chest.

Oh thank god. She wasn’t sure if she’d have been able to stand it if he’d left. But from the way he was touching her, hands moving up and down her sides, gently pulling her skirt down, looking up at her every now and then to make sure it was alright, he wasn’t going anywhere.

She just spurred him on, stripping off her top and bra, now only wearing her panties.

Spencer groaned at the sight, a hand reaching up, hovering over her breast. She arched her back up into his hand, letting out a gasp as he started to fondle her. 

God, his hands were huge. And nimble. Oh, so nimble.

She reached for his belt, quickly unbuckling it and tossing it across the room, pushing his pants down faster than possible.

He groaned again, a magical sound, reaching a hand down to stroke her through her panties, coaxing a gasp from her beautiful lips.

In a flash, Spencer had pulled down her panties and buried his head between her legs.

Y/N gasped, hand flying to the back of his head, edging him on.

He slipped two fingers into her, his tongue flicking against her clit wildly, making her writhe and moan on the bed, gasping his name.

“Spencer, Spencer.” It took all the resolve she had to pull his head away from her. “I need you to fuck me.”

Spencer looked at her, trying to read her expression.

“Y/N . . . are you sure?”

Rather than answer, she yanked him up, crashing their mouths together, one hand quickly pushing down his boxers, his erection springing free.

Good god.

Wow.

How the hell was she supposed to fit that inside her?

She looked up at him, impressed, only to see a slight blush on his cheeks.

“Well,” she said, kicking off the panties pooled around her ankles, laid bare underneath the stranger on top of her. “This night gets better by the second.”

His size was a little daunting, but the thought of him slowly filling her up, probably not being able to fit all the way in, only added to her desire.

He dipped his head down, stealing a quick yet passionate kiss.

“Do you have . . ?”

“Yeah, in the drawer.”

He reached over, grabbed a condom, and rolled it on. It looked extremely tight on him. Y/N unconsciously licked her lips. Spencer chuckled.

“Maybe next time. I need to be inside you.”

And with that, he flung her legs around his hips, positioning his cock at her entrance, slowly running it up and down, moistening the condom with her juices.

God. The feeling of him being so close and yet so far was almost enough to push her over the edge right there. He had been a god with his tongue and she was desperate for more friction.

Reaching down, she lightly circled her clit, moaning at the instant pleasure.

Before she could enjoy it much, hands gripped her wrists, pinning them above her on the bed, Spencer staring at her with a dark look.

“If you wanna touch yourself, you have to ask permission. Understood?”

Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck.

Words escaped her so she settled for a small nod.

“Use your words.”

His tone was so commanding the word left her mouth the moment he finished speaking.

“Yes.”

He lightly placed his hand around her neck, not applying any pressure, just hovering.

“Yes, what?”

Fuck. She wondered if it was possible to come just from being talked to.

“Yes, sir.”

And with that, he slid inside her, slowly filling her up with his length, moaning roughly at the sensation.

Y/N’s eyes snapped open, watching as Spencer’s face tightened, jawline even sharper, and a dark look in his eye. He carefully applied a bit more pressure to her throat, quickly releasing his hand afterward.

They were both still as she adjusted to the size of him inside her.

“Is this ok?” his voice sounded so different than it had a moment ago. He had shifted back to the geeky guy she’d met in the alley.

She nodded gently at him, running a hand over his cheek in a way that was surely far too personal for a one night stand. 

“My safeword is apple.”

He froze for a moment, shocked. Apparently she was kinkier than he’d expected. 

Tired of not being fucked by this man, she dug her heels into his back, directing him to move.

He did without hesitation, groaning at the sensation of slowly pulling out and thrusting back in. 

The feeling overwhelmed both of them, a litany of curses and moans falling from their mouths. Spencer’s hand moved back to her throat, squeezing much harder now that he knew what to listen for if she wanted to stop.

The sound of her moaning was enough to make him come right there and then. That, with the feeling of her around him and the fact that his hand was around her throat, totally in control.

“Fuck, you’re so fucking tight.”

Oh my god, where was this coming from? Her nails scraped down his back, leaving a trail of marks.

“You like feeling me fuck you?” he wrapped a hand around her leg, pulling it higher to try to hit the magical spot inside of her. “You like when I wrap my hand around your pretty little neck? Showing you how in control I am of you.”

She nodded ecstatically, legs tightening around him. She was definitely close to coming.

“What were you thinking? Going to a bar when you’re underage. Then leading a stranger to your home, intending to let him fuck you silly. Finding out I’m ages older than you and still practically begging me to bend you over and pound you till you can’t see straight. Is the age difference what gets you off, Y/N?”

At the sound of her name, she let out a raucous moan, no doubt waking up the other tenants of the building.

Spencer smiled, drilling harder and tightening his grip on her throat.

“Oh, you like it when I say your name? You like when I shove my big cock in you and moan your name in your ear?”

She practically screamed as his hand started to circle her clit, the stimulation practically knocking the air out of her.

He was hitting her g-spot with every thrust, pushing her closer and closer to the edge. She was so close. She just needed….

“You gonna come for me, Y/N?” he punctuated it with a particularly hard thrust, feeling her begin to clench around him, orgasm washing over her.

Her walls tightening around his cock was enough to send him barreling over the edge, grunting as he thrust in her four more times before feeling his balls tighten up and spill his seed deep inside her.

“Fuck,” he grunted, using his forearms to stay above her, both of them completely out of breath.

Slowly, he pulled out with a sigh, discarding the condom in the trash by her bed.

Y/N was seeing stars. This man had just given her her first penetrative orgasm. And, possibly the best sex she’d ever had.

‘Fuck’, was right.

Spencer flopped down next to her, still naked, trying to catch his breath.

Y/N turned to him, placing a hand on his chest.

It was strange. Even though they’d just had some of the best sex Y/N had ever had, she didn’t even know this man. And yet, somehow, she felt like she did. Did that happen a lot once you had sex with someone?

Her eyes refocused from where they’d been staring off into space to see a concerned Spencer looking at her.

“What?” she asked.

He studied her for another moment before speaking.

“You were biting your lip.”

A blush crept up her cheek.

“Yeah sorry. Helps me think.”

He let out a sharp breath, a sort of soft laugh.

“What?” she asked.

“Nothing,” he said as he retrieved his underwear, slipping them back on and starting to button up his shirt.

Oh. Was he going to leave? Of course he was! That’s all this was, anyway. A one night stand. You had sex. That was the point.

Then why did it feel like hell?

“You okay?”

Her thoughts had drifted into space again. Spencer had laid back down, now on his side facing her, holding her hand, looking at her intensely. His gaze was practically burning.

“Yeah.”

“I, uh, I don’t normally do . . . that.”

She chuckled. It was rather obvious he wasn’t the hookup type. Despite the dirty things that had come from his mouth.

“Me either.”

He softly stroked her cheek. 

“Are you going to stay?” she blurted.

His face fell.

“Oh, no I wasn’t going to impose if you-”

“NO! I mean,” she took a breath. “I want you to . . . I mean, if you want . . . I'd . . . I’d like you to stay. If you want?”

God. She sounded like a teenager asking their crush to prom. This was no stuttering sophomore she could kick in the crotch if he said no. He was a man. Although, he did tend to stutter. Maybe it wasn’t all that different.

He lit up, a wide smile brightening his features and he began to stroke her hand.

“I’d like that too.”

Wondering if it was possible for cheeks to sprain from smiling, she pulled up the covers, cuddling up against him, falling asleep almost immediately.

~

BEEP. BEEP. BEEP.

Ugh. The stupid alarm. She had been right in the middle of a wonderful dream involving Spencer’s hands and her bruised throat.

What time was it anyway?

The red clock radio proudly displayed: 7:00.

Right, it was the first day of classes. Maybe she’d just ditch and stay in with Spencer. He had been so warm she was sure he had a sun where a heart should be. College didn’t matter anyway, right? Ugh.

A shiver ran through her. She reached out for Spencer, only to find the cold other half of the bed.

Sitting up in bed, she stared at the empty spot.

Had he really walked out on her in the middle of the night? No…. No? Fuck. How could she be so stupid. Of course he didn’t want to-

Oh, he’d left a note.

In a fast yet tidy scrawl, Spencer had left the following message on a little notecard.

Good morning! I am truly sorry to walk out like this, but I have a class at 7:30 and I have to stop by my place and get ready. I’ll be back at the bar tonight, 10:30. I’d love to see you there.

-Spencer. X

Her heart melted into an ocean at the sentiment behind each individual letter. The man she’d just had a dirty one night stand with wanted to see her again.

Wait, he’d said a class? He hadn’t told her he was a student! To be fair, neither had she. That’s another thing they had in common apparently. It made sense why he didn’t tell her. A lot of people were ashamed of going back to college later in life. She thought that was ridiculous. Good for him.

Maybe she could look him up in the student registry. Actually, he may not even go to Georgetown. There were plenty of colleges nearby. She couldn’t have looked him up anyway. She didn’t even know his last name.

It was probably a good thing he left, because she, too, had a class at 7:30.

It only took her twenty minutes to shower, get dressed, and walk the very short distance to campus.

She arrived in the lecture hall with exactly one minute to spare, finding a seat next to a brightly dressed redhead holding a fuzzy pen.

“Hi! I’m Allie.”

“Y/N,” she said, suppressing the cringe as Allie reached out to shake her hand.

“Nice to meet you! What’s your major?”

Oh god. The inevitable college question.

“Journalism. You?”

“English,” she said, rolling her eyes. “Super boring I know, but it lets me take fun classes like this one. Why are you taking this class?”

“Oh, um. It looked fun, I guess. My dad was a lawyer and he kind of piqued my interest in the criminal justice system.”

Allie sighed.

“Thank god. You know half the girls are here just because the Professor is a hottie,” she said with air quotes, rolling her eyes again.

“Really?” Y/N asked, glancing around at the seats noticing the vast majority of the population were women. “Wait, I thought Ms. Merklins was the teacher? Did something change?”

“You didn’t get the email? It just went out the other day, Ms. Merklins had to retire. Something about a club foot. Anyway, the new teacher is supposedly super overqualified. Plus, he’s cute.”

“Huh.”

“Yep. I talked to this one girl in the hall, she actually said she’d sleep with him! Can you imagine?”

Y/N laughed.

“Nooooo. I cannot and I don’t want to. I’m just here to learn, I promise.”

“Same here. Although, if I start getting C’s, all bets are off.”

Y/N laughed and politely chatted with Allie while they waited.

The Professor’s office door swung open and Y/N reached into her bag to get her laptop.

“Hello, class.”

“Hello,” the class echoed.

“Welcome to Criminology. I am Professor Reid and I-.”

Y/N looked up over her screen as he stopped talking, making sudden eye-contact with the Professor.

She froze in her seat, blood running cold.

No way. No fucking way.

Spencer?

~

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