#i would understand your anger more if i didn't have a long track record of trying to be as sensitive about trans inclusion as possible | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

seeingivy · 3 months

Text

water lillies

ryomen sukuna x f!reader

**part of my best friend's older brother fic

previous part linked here

an: two chapters back to back. also the last one :'(

sukuna realizes that repetitive phrases help him in the year that follows. that no matter how dangerous it feels, the feeling of hope is one that he has to keep in his chest, regardless of his track record of horrendously horrible bad luck.

he’s not going to die tomorrow. yuuji’s perfectly healthy. he’s going to replace the plastic finger on your ring with a real one someday. you’re all going to live very long lives.

there’s a nervous anticipation, an excited one simmering in his chest, as picks up the little tray of drinks – two strawberry matchas, an iced coffee, and a scone – as he takes it back to the table, where the group of them are waiting.

“what took you so long?” sammy asks.

“you’re so impatient.” sukuna responds, handing the drinks over to the moms and sammy, before splitting his scone in half and handing it over to yuuji.

“i’m working on that.” sammy grates, giving him an irritated look.

sukuna smiles.

sammy was working on that, after he had very graciously given her the number to his therapist after she called him crying asking for it.

it seemed that sammy had one too many fights with you, hurt mai one too many times, and realized that she was finally ready to let go of lifetime of hurt that she had accrued. anger issues, impatience, and the insurmountable amount of aching that always seemed to take residence in her chest was on its way out.

with his help. and with yours, even if you didn’t know about it entirely.

“wait, where’s y/n?” yuuji asks.

sukuna smiles.

“she has class.”

“oh.” yuuji responds.

sukuna watches as the confusion contorts in his face, albeit, the strange nature of the gathering catching him off guard. both of the moms, sammy, and yuuji were called here for an early morning rendezvous at what might be the only good cafe in their town – play coffee.

and sukuna would have waited to schedule this for when you were free, if he didn't have something important to ask all of them. a question that you couldn’t necessarily be present for.

“okay. i’m not treating you all to coffee for no reason.” sukuna states.

“i fucking told you. he would never be this nice.” sammy whispers over to yuuji, the two of them nodding at one another.

“you’re so kind, sammy. you have such a way with words.” sukuna deadpans.

“i live to please.” she resopnds.

“is everything okay?” mrs. itadori asks.

sukuna smiles, before reaching over to squeeze her open hand.

three months prior, his mom was the last person on the very long list of people that he deserved an explanation too. even more than deserved an explanation – but another person who just deserved to know why he left, what he had been through.

satoru and suguru had taken it really well, satoru offering him one second of seriousness to very earnestly tell him that he was very happy that sukuna had stayed long enough for the two of them to become friends. nanami had shared his own experiences – the two of them being intrinsically closer than before from their shared past – and shoko responded by giving him gummy bears and a hug, which meant more to him than she could really understand.

it shattered lots of things for yuuji, something that he felt insanely guilty about – for not catching on to all of it sooner. but sukuna could also tell that it had done something for the two of them, to talk about something, whatever it was that they went through together as they were kids, and it only made him love him more.

and his mom. for the first time, after a very earnest scolding about parenting and responsibility from your mom, was worried about him. he found it a little bit overbearing at times, the way she would call and remind him at night that she loved him very much and that he was her entire world – but the thought was there. and on the days that he found it hard to quiet the voices in his head, it really did make all the difference.

to hear you remind him. and his mom and yuuji, sammy and everyone else in between.

“it’s great. i just have to ask for your permission for something, that’s all.” sukuna murmurs.

sukuna watches their faces drop. he realizes after the fact that it was a bad choice of words – especially for his mom – when they were the exact ones that he used before he left for europe.

“i’m not moving.” sukuna clarifies.

“oh thank god.” his mom responds, dramatically pressing her hand to her chest as he rolls her eyes.

he looks over at the four of them, a simmering warmth in his eyes, as he takes in the looks on their faces. and it seems that in his delay, the most perceptive of the group, has figured out what’s happening all too fast.

“oh my god. you’re going to do it, aren’t you?” your mom murmurs.

“what?” sammy asks.

“you…you’re going to propose?” she asks.

“what? you’re going to propose? to y/n?” yuuji asks, his voice almost frantic.

“YOU GUYS ARE GETTING MARRIED?” his mom squeals, so loud that it earns her a wary look from everyone else in the store.

sukuna winces as he lifts his hands, beckoning for the group of them to lower their voices, as he reaches into his pocket and places the little green box at the center of the table. sammy’s the first to snatch it, eyes wide and filled with tears as she opens it up, to the little circular cut diamond, set into the golden band that he had picked out almost a year prior – the second you got home from the trip he went on for his birthday.

he had been holding on to it for a better part of the year. and it was finally time to use it. he was paranoid that he would never get to replace the plastic ring that he gave you, so he figured that he’d buy the real one as soon as he could – just as another solace to himself that he would actually get to do it.

“wait. you’re really going to propose to her?” sammy whispers.

“i am. with all of your permission, of course.” sukuna states.

he watches as they all give him bright smiles, before reaching forward and placing their hands on his.

“oh, sukuna. of course, you can marry my daughter.” your mom responds, giving him a bright smile

“holy shit. you’re actually going to be my brother.” sammy states.

“that’s if y/n says yes.” mrs. itadori states.

sukuna gives her a glare.

“what a vote of confidence, mom.” sukuna deadpans.

“they already wear those plastic rings all the time. they literally think they’re already married in their heads. don’t be annoying, mom.” yuuji responds, huffing an irritated sigh at her as she rolls her eyes back.

sukuna takes that as a vote for yes.

“i’m obviously joking. the two of you have no sense of humor.” mrs. itadori responds.

sukuna turns his head to the side, eyes expectant as he waits for his mom to give a proper response, noting that phenomenon – of getting so emotional that the feelings get crumpled up in your throat is one that he gets from his mom – as she reaches forward, a warm hand on his shoulder as she squeezes.

“this is all i’ve ever wanted for you. not only because she’s my best friends daughter, but because…well, it’s all you deserve, my sweet boy.” she murmurs.

he watches as him mom turns her head to the side, shooting an excited smile to your mom, as he notes that the wedding gears are probably turning in both of their heads just from that shared glance.

“i’ll need a favor from all of you. two from yuuji and sammy.” sukuna states.

sukuna smiles, before pulling out the little envelope in his pocket, the four of them giving him weary eyes as he opens it up.

“whatever you need, son.” your mom responds.

sukuna memorizes that line – the way that she said it – and commits it to memory.

“you’ll all have to meet us in france first.”

you and yuuji accompany megumi to the tattoo parlor as he gets his first set of ink. it’s a special design that yuuji drew out for him, a set of constellations that the two of them had charted together on one of their first dates together.

the tattoo parlor still smells the same as you remember it, bright designs printed on the wall and neon lights, as you take in the little room – the magnets on the fridge and the little frames on toji’s desk. you note that there’s a picture that you took a few months prior, of tsumiki and megumi standing next to him.

“hi toji.”

you watch as he looks up from his little work station, his tools and guns meticulously organized, as he taps the seat in the middle, giving megumi a bright smile.

“right here, kid.”

after the funeral, you had finally found the time to reconcile with megumi about what happened on your birthday. the two of you got dangerously drunk, talking about deadbeat dads and everything in between, before yuuji and sukuna had to drag you out of there on your ass.

about how your dad forgot you. about how megumi had never talked to his own. about how when they both left, how your moms spoke so little of them that you almost felt like they were ghosts of nothing. and that on most nights, you were filled with such a deep curiosity – of who they were, of what could have been.

when yuuji dragged the two of you out of there, he had realized how much he had probably annoyed sukuna on the nights that he asked him to do that.

but it seems that in the horror stories that you had shared with megumi, he realized that he was left with an agonizing amount of questions about his own father that he couldn't ignore. and one day on a whim – he had marched to the tattoo parlor all on his own and asked all of them, basically till toji was free of every answer that he could possibly give.

and megumi realizded that there was more to the entire situation that met the eye. that there were things his mom had purposely omitted, for reasons he could understand but not get behind. and weirdly enough, by some twist of fate, was now going to reconcile with his own father.

you were more than supportive. only because whatever strange fatherly advice of figure toji was trying to be for megumi, he was also trying to do for yuuji as well. it filled you with an almost insane amount of joy, that toji was so approving of yuuji, that he thought the two of them were meant to be together.

and yuuji deserved that – someone who wanted to be his father. that was proud and happy for him for who he chose to love. that liked him just as he was.

“you ready, megs?” toji asks.

“yeah. this is the design.” meugmi responds, handing him over the little half sheet that yuuji had drawn out, as toji nods.

you take toji’s side as he starts to stencil in the little design at his little workstation, yuuji leaning on the side of the little chair as him and megumi talk in hushed tones.

“hi toji.”

he glares at you.

“do i know you?” he asks.

you roll your eyes, slightly shoving him in the side, as you lean forward, watching him stencil the little design with his purple marker.

“you’re hilarious, toji.”

“i’m a part time comedian. i take tips.”

you fish into your purse, reaching for one of the coins in there, and throw it onto the little tin working space.

“you’re so generous!” he deadpans.

“I live to please.” you joke.

toji smiles, averting his eyes as you follow his gaze. he’s staring at megumi and yuuji, the two of them with their hands locked into together and laughing under their breaths. and you smile, only for toji to glare at the sweet look you’re giving him.

while he’s just as much of a sap as sukuna, he hates to be up front about it. especially when it comes o you, because you always feel the need to make a comment about it to him. half because you want him to know that you appreciate what he’s doing for both of them. and because it’s really fun to irritate him.

you imagine this is how satoru feels when he annoys sukuna.

“shut up.”

“i didn’t say anything.” you respond.

“you were saying it with your face.”

“you’re projecting!”

toji glares, sketching the shading on the little constellation, as he heaves a sigh.

“never did thank you, you know.”

“for?”

“dunno. telling him about your shit dad. he never would have come here if he didn’t.”

“well, i for one, love to tell people about my shit dad. it makes for a funny story.”

toji smiles.

“he really didn’t recognize ya?”

you shake your head.

“he thought i was sukuna’s girlfriend from europe.” you state.

“do you want me to kill him?” toji asks.

you laugh.

“that’s okay. yuuji punched him for me.”

“eh? cupcake over there? there’s no way”

you grin. toji very lovingly calls yuuji cupcake – only because the first time yuuji met him, he decided to bring a box of cupcakes that he consequently dropped on the sidewalk before he could even make it to toji’s apartment.

“that’s right.”

“no shit. he doesn’t have it in him. he’s so….sunshine and rainbows. like you.”

“had a full bruised hand and everything! you’re forgetting that he’s sukuna’s brother.”

“that’s fair.” toji states.

there’s a pause.

“speaking of, how is he?”

“sukuna?”

toji nods.

“he’s okay. doing good, i think. i mean, he definitely has days where he’s…where it’s harder than others. but i’m glad that he trying to work on it now, at least try to be a little bit more open about it.” you state.

“you know, he came into my shop, a shitty little angry sixteen year old begging me to give him a tattoo.”

“and you broke the law and gave one to him.” you state.

“yes. but only because at the time, i could…i could tell that he needed that. and i talked to him about stuff here and there, and i sat there and thought about how if my kid was feeling like this, i’d give them that so they wouldn’t do something more drastic. hurt themselves or something, ya know?”

you frown.

“yeah.”

“and well, it’s fucking great. the fucking idiot walks in here smiling all the time. tells you all his weird shit even though he fucking hates doing it, or at least at the time, he did. he even seems more lively or younger or some shit compared to then. whatever it was that was wearing him down back then has long left him. so don’t worry about him too much? that one’s a fighter.” toji states.

you smile, your heart thumping in your chest.

“yeah. yeah, he is.” you respond.

toji gives you a smile, tilting his head to the side as he beckons for you to join him at his megumi’s side.

sukuna’s voice is muffled against your neck, lips warm on your skin, as he whispers. you’re eying the dresses that you have left – a flowery pink pattern and the white silk dress that sammy had picked out with you weeks prior.

“wear that one.”

“what?”

“the white one. the one with the lace shit, that’s long. i want you to wear that one.” sukuna states.

you frown.

“i was saving that one.”

“for?” sukuna grins.

when sukuna brings you to france, you know that he’s going to propose to you. because on one of the last days of your trip, he’s taking you to the musée de l’orangerie, where monet’s water lilies are. and you know that true to his word, he’s going to propose there, just like he promised you almost a year ago in that dirty tattoo parlor.

but you can’t say it forthright. that you’re saving the pretty white dress you have for the day that he’s going to propose. because it’s presumptuous to say he's going to propose, and knowing him, the element of surprise is something that he would have wanted maintained.

but that doesn’t mean that sukuna doesn’t try to goad it out of you. he hints at it all the time – asking you why you save the dress for the end of the trip, why you’re saving some of your better jewelry for the last days, asking why you wanted to get your nails touched up towards the middle of the trip.

it’s thin ice that the two of you walk on, that neither of you acknowledge. it’s what makes it exciting.

“wear this one today, okay?”

you frown, before scaling away to your suitcases, eyeing the dresses that are left in the bag

“wait but…”

“you’re wearing the white.” sukuna demands.

“i want to…”

“wear the white. trust me, you’ll want to wear it today.” sukuna whispers, leaning over the little distance between the two of you, as he offers you a wink.

you pause, testing the waters.

“but…we’re going to giverny today.”

“that’s right.”

the water lilies are in paris. he can’t be proposing today.

“you want me to wear this dress…this white dress…to giverny.”

sukuna grins.

“yes. the pink one is better for paris. you know i love pink.”

you sigh, looking down at the fabric. he did have a thing for you in pink. you give in, putting together the outfit – the white dress, the mary jane shoes that sukuna had picked out for you, and a little pearl clip to secure your hair back.

sukuna’s taking some extreme lengths – pressing his head in between your legs to buckle your shoes, attentively putting the clip in your hair, and pressing soft featherlike kisses to basically any patch of skin that you can find.

“you’re in a mood today.”

“i’m just really excited for giverny.”

you understand the excitement once you get there. giverny’s the smallest little village in the north of france, a little bit of an hour away from where the two of you were staying, and is filled with the brightest, most beautiful flowers that you’ve ever seen in your life.

you get into town in the early hours of the morning, the two of you giving each other excited smiles as you set out to the little town. the two of you eat breakfast together in the smallest bed and breakfast, sukuna takes an obscene amount of pictures, and you buy a little charm for your bracelet.

sukuna gets uncharacteristically quiet, a light pink tinge on his cheeks, as he leads you down a winding road, unti you end up at a little house at the end of the way. it’s magnificent – a few people teetering in and out of the doors – as you eye the brick walls and the green window panes. there’s bright pink flowers at the front, muted purples and greens all around, as you look over at him, taken aback by the fact that he’s already looking at you.

“sukuna?”

“this is why we’re in giverny.” he murmurs, lightly pulling at your wrist as he takes you in through the middle of the house, offering a spare glance to the people milling around, and taking you through the back.

his hand is warm in yours as you walk out to the little backyard, a green bridge across the little pools of water, with willowing trees dousing the entire area in the shade of the calm sun. he leads you right to the center of the bridge, the two of you leaning your chins on the tops of your hands as you look down at the water, your little reflections staring back at you.

“did you notice what’s in the water?”

you look around, feeling your heart drop in your chest, at the water lilies almost decorating the entire pond – pink flowers with lily pads of green – as you widen your eyes, the wetness glassing over your eyes as you look over at sukuna, who has the softest smile on his face.

“i know that i’d lost the element of surprise when i told you that i wanted to propose to you at the water lilies in the musée de l’orangerie. i figured the next best thing was taking you to the real water lilies that the painting was based off of.”

“wait. wait, this is…”

“claude monet’s house. his garden, more specifically, and the real water lilies from the painting.”

you pause.

“you’re going to propose.” you state.

sukuna shakes his head.

“not exactly.”

you feel your heart drop.

“what?”

“i’m going to marry you.”

you feel your throat dry. and your head spin. and your heart pounding in your chest – because surely, he can’t be serious.

“sukuna?” you whisper.

he laughs.

“don’t freak out. but i’m going to marry you.” he repeats, the tenor in his voice so calm that it nearly freaks you out.

you reach forward, hands on his shoulders as you squeeze hard, the wetness pouring onto your cheeks as you lean forward, smiling.

“i would love to marry you. i’d do it right now but..but we can’t just..our moms, your outfit and i…”

sukuna stops you mid sentence.

“your sister and my brother are here with our moms. they’re actually watching from that bush if you look back.”

you turn around, following the direction of sukuna’s finger, as he leans forward, wrapping his arms around your waist and his voice like honey in your ear as he continues. you see four sets of eyes – and yuuji giving you an embarrassingly wild wave – as sammy yanks him back down.

“sammy has a veil. she said it’ll hook into the pearl clip that she gifted you. my mom picked wedding rings for us. your mom got ordained. and yuuji decided that he’s going to be the best man and the man of honor for both of us. your mom also has that weird flower shit for me that’s supposed to go on my jacket.”

“wait…wait you really…”

“speaking of, as much as i like this plastic ring…”

sukuna uses his hands to spin you around, until you’re facing him this time, hands pressed against his chest as you look up at him.

“i told you that i was going to give you a real one.”

you watch as he reaches into his pocket, plucking the perfect little ring out of the box, as he reaches forward, slipping the plastic green one off of your hand and replacing it with the sparking diamond. the former goes into the depths of his pocket, but you’re too preoccupied with the one he’s just given you.

you look down at it, at the way it glints in the sun, before looking back up at him, at the smile on his face as he expectantly waits for a response – to everything he’s just laid out in front of you.

“you’re really doing this? you’re really going to marry me right here?”

“if you let me.” sukuna responds.

he pauses, before taking his hands in yours, eyeing and fiddling with the newly replaced ring on your finger before looking back up at you, and smiling.

“i can’t wait any longer. i did all of this, flew our parents out and our siblings, and made sammy buy you this perfect, beautiful dress because i have to marry you right now. and it’s not because i’m paranoid or because i’m scared you’re going to die on me, but because you’re the love of my life. i want our love to be forever. i know you’re going to live to tomorrow and i am too – but it’s still not good enough for me that we’re not tied together in all the ways people can be tied together.”

you smile.

“i just want you to be my wife. you’ve been my everything since forever and i need everyone to know that. my tax forms, the government – i need it written in paper, i need there to be real living proof.”

you laugh.

“me too.” you murmur.

“yeah?”

“yeah. yeah, i need someone to shout it from the rooftops. i want to send it to the fucking newspaper back home just so everyone knows that you married me and i married you. and i really do want to do it right now.”

and you watch as he grins – at what may be his first confirmation that everything he planned out is going to come to fruition right now, because you’re going to marry him. and he leans forward, pressing a kiss to your cheeks, hands frantic around your neck and pulling you closer as you lean back, glaring at him.

“save that for the wedding.”

“i needed one last kiss from you as my girlfriend.”

“well, i think that was technically my first kiss as your fiancee? your last kiss with me as your girlfriend was the one this morning. it tasted like french toast.” you state.

he shakes his head.

“okay, go away now. let sammy put your veil on. and walk back down with her and yuuji, okay?”

you give him a nod, quickly shuffling to the little bush where all four of them are crouched, nervous eyes as you bend down, giving all of them a smile.

“are we getting married?” your mom asks.

“we’re getting married.” you confirm.

the all cheer, yuuji leaning forward to press a kiss to your head, as you feel the warmth bloom under your cheeks, and they all start nervously panting. your mom starts rehearsing the little lines that she has to say, cards pressed in her hands, as sukuna’s mom pulls out the little box that the rings are in. the two of them nurse sukuna’s boutonniere in their hands, messing with the pin at the back and making sure it’s in place.

“okay, turn around, i’m putting the veil on. mom, go stand out there with sukuna he looks like a fucking idiot standing there alone. yuuji and i will walk her down.” sammy mutters.

the two of them nod, quickly running out – but not before giving you a warm kiss on the cheek – as you watch both of them give sukuna a long hug, biting so hard on your cheek that you draw blood when sukuna leans forward, wiping a tear away from your mom’s face.

you hear a little clicking noise, as sammy starts draping the little frilly veil over your shoulders, her eyes in a deep attentiveness as she comes around, fixing the stray hairs on your forehead and the straps of your dress with frantic hands. and you can’t help but lean forward, wet tears in your eyes, as you burrow your chin into the crook of her shoulder, and squeeze hard.

“you’re going to walk me down the aisle?” you ask.

you lean back, sammy giving you a sweet smile before reaching up and cupping the side of your face.

“i helped you take your first steps. s’only fitting, right?”

“yeah.” you whisper.

“and we can’t do it without him either, of course. naturally, you’re going to be attached at the hip until the end.” sammy mutters.

and you turn to your left, where yuuji’s uncharacteristically quiet at your side with wide eyes, hands nervously fidgeting in his pockets at his side as you shoot him a warning glance.

“you okay?”

“i was friends with you when you literally had no fucking teeth. and now you’re just getting married. to my brother.”

you smile.

“do you have a problem with that?”

yuuji rolls his eyes.

“i don’t like to share.”

and he pauses, before leaning forward, his hands featherlike on your shoulder.

“i know this is really weird, but i…i feel like i’m giving you away.” yuuji mumbles.

you laugh.

“i feel like you’re giving me away too. you…you’ve been the only person around in my life, in the same way, basically forever. you’re really the only person whose approval matters to me.”

he smiles.

“we’ve both spent a good amount of our lives just with each other. but i’m glad that you’ve opened up space for a few more. and i have to. and for sukuna of all people, who fucking adores you. i’m half mad i didn’t think of it myself earlier, but you’re perfect for each other.”

“thank you, yuuji.”

“and this is the perfect scheme. you’re going to be my sister. we can upgrade the term soulmate to soul sister now.”

“deal.” you whisper.

you both laugh, as yuuji holds his hand out to you, which you tuck your hand into before pressing a kiss to his cheek. the two of them look to you for confirmation, before you leave your little spot behind the bush, your little heels clicking against the wood of the bridge, as sukuna stands in between your moms, a hand pressed to his chest, and he cries freely.

his mom hands you the rings, two simple golden bands. and your mom seals the words, that tie you together forever.

four days later, you finally do make it to musée de l’orangerie. sukuna drags you towards the back – to the painting from the blue and purple background that’s been on your computer for years – as you both tangle your arms together, fingers adored with your newly minted rings.

it feels dangerously full circle to sukuna.

that he had visited years prior, alone with headphones shoved into his ears, and stood there alone thinking about you. about how he wanted to live, about how he was going to move past everything that had happened to him – and at the very least, return to japan someday and see you again.

and he stood there, wondering what you would be like. if you liked the same music, if you watched the same shows. if you still ate cinnamon raisin french toast and wore ribbons in your hair.

and at that point, he knew he wasn’t going to return to japan for another few years, but when he did – he was at the very least, going to be determined to find the answers, in the most natural way he could. that somehow, the two of you would end up near each other, at the same restaurant or at the same bar, and he’d get to ask.

“what are you thinking about?” you whisper.

sukuna looks down, at your head resting against his shoulder, and leans forward, pressing an absentminded kiss to your forehead.

“that this time around, you’re standing here with me.”

that he got to put a ring on your finger. that he knows you don’t listen to the same type of music as him but you do have the same taste in shows – even if you have different favorite seasons. you like french toast when he makes it and think the ribbons fall better when he places them in your hairband for you.

you love him. and he loves you back.

an: a very long love letter to this beloved fic. this has been six months of one of the sweetest things i've ever written. this fic is literally so special to me for so many reasons bc it's pushed me so many ways in figuring out how I like to write and express my feelings -- and i've put so much of myself and my real struggles of good old life into it. needless to say that all of the sweet comments and love that i've received on this have every bit worth it. this goofy little one shot took a life of it's own from all the love you've all given me on it and i'm so glad we ended up here together 💌 (and I promise, i'll actually write dream girl actor sukuna now, I just had to finish this one up properly)

and a beloved kiss to my lovely @babiemay who enabled this original brain rot in the first place. you are a star.

taglist: @porridgesblog @k0z3me @sugu-love @yihona-san06 @bsenpai @sweetenertea @skzismyhome @mykyoon @violetmatcha @rebeccawinters @shotenvinsoot @itzmeme @gojoswifeyyys-world @cutiejg @chilichopsticks @ghostreadersthings @charlie-xo @whoami-72 @heijihattorisgf @megu-meow @complexivelovely @multiplefandomthings @hoebuns @lzaj19 @glossygreene @ramluvr @sureconfused @najaemism @manduse @imhorn1help @gamergirl5125 @r0ckst4rjk @invisible-mori @isaacdaknight @wishmemel @gyros-cum-sock @suftsunshine @i0099 @cowgirlikets @haitanibros0007 @stuffeddeer @yoontaedotin @ec3lipsy @armani78 @awkwardaardvarkforever @kereseth @leave-rae-alone @ruruvia @princess-ackerman @jjkwritingss @lilkiwikiara @opchara @telepathicheartss @starriesworlds @raechu11 @exprimidordefresas @nxxrxm @aalloochaat @strangehuman101 @tzutology

364 notes · View notes

queenshelby · 4 months

Text

Our Little Secret (Part 39)

Pairing: Cillian Murphy x Reader

Warning: Infidelity, Age-Gap,

Not long after Siobhan had left Amanda's house with the evidence she needed, she went to see her brother who was surprised to see her again so soon.

"You are not going to believe what I just found out," Siobhan said, her voice anxious and strained as soon as Cillian opened the door. "The reason why you were acting like you were completely out of it that night had nothing to do with you, and everything to do with Amanda and Danielle."

"What are you talking about?" Cillian asked, his brows furrowing in confusion and Siobhan quickly pulled out her phone and showed Cillian the recording.

"Amanda spiked your drink. But it was Danielle's idea ," Siobhan told him, her voice filled with anger and worry.

Cillian's eyes widened in shock as he listened to the recording of Amanda and Danielle admitting to their plan. "What the fuck?" he whispered, his voice barely audible as he listened to the sound of his ex-wife's voice on the recording.

Siobhan nodded solemnly, her own anger still simmering just below the surface. "Yeah, I know," she said, handing him the phone so that he could listen for himself.

"I couldn't believe it at first either, but it's all there on tape. I was so angry when I heard them confessing to their plan that I could hardly see straight. I mean, what they did was not only illegal, but it was also incredibly dangerous. It's a miracle that something worse didn't happen to you."

Cillian listened to the recording for the second time with a growing sense of shock and disbelief. As he listened to Amanda and Danielle's voices admitting to their plot, his head spun with a mixture of anger, confusion, and hurt.

How could they have done something so dangerous, so reckless? He knew he had made mistakes in the past, but this was on a whole new level.

"I-I don't understand," Cillian stammered, handing the phone back to Siobhan as he sank down onto the couch. "Why would they do something like this?"

Siobhan shook her head, her own anger still evident in her eyes. "I don't know, Cillian," she admitted, her voice laced with frustration. "I really don't.

It's just so out of character for them, especially Amanda. I mean, she's always been a bit vindictive, but this is just...," Siobhan's voice trailed off as she paced back and forth in front of the coffee table, her mind racing with a mix of anger and concern.

"Amanda was pregnant," Cillian suddenly blurted out, his voice barely a whisper as he looked up at Siobhan with a mixture of shame and sadness.

"What?" Siobhan asked, stopping in her tracks as she looked at her brother in shock. "Why didn't you tell me this before?"

Cillian shook his head, running a hand through his hair as he tried to collect his thoughts. "Because it was irrelevant. She did not want to have children and, to tell you the truth, with Y/N and Mara, I was glad that she didn't," Cillian continued, his voice strained as he struggled to keep his emotions in check.

Siobhan gazed at her brother with a mixture of empathy and sadness. She never fully understood his relationship with Amanda, or why he ended so abruptly, but she knew that it had been difficult for him.

"When I left Amanda, she knew that I left her for Y/N but she thought that I did this simply because she gave me something that Amanda wouldn't, namely a family," Cillian admitted as Siobhan looked at him with a troubled expression, unsure of what to say next.

"But that's not why you left Amanda, is it?" Siobhan asked gently, sensing that there was more to the story.

Cillian sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "No, it's not. I left Amanda because I wasn't happy with her, and when I spent more time with Y/N, I realised that I was actually in love with her. I probably had been for quite some time, but that relationship with Y/N was never something I wanted to pursue because, well, I am twice her age and it's not exactly good for my career," Cillian confessed, the guilt evident in his voice.

"But you no longer care?" Siobhan confirmed, looking at the jewelry box that was still sitting on Cillian's coffee table, containing the engagement ring he had bought for you.

"No, I don't. I just want to be with Y/N and Mara. I want us to live together, and I want Max to visit us and stay with us whenever possible," Cillian said, looking Siobhan directly in the eyes.

"Well, then do what you had planned to do, Cills. Propose to her," Siobhan encouraged her brother, her voice laced with a mix of excitement and urgency.

Cillian looked at her with a small, grateful smile. "I want to. You have no idea how much I want to," he admitted, his gaze drifting towards the box on the coffee table once more. "But maybe now is not the right time. She doesn't even want to live with me, so I doubt that she would actually say 'yes'," Cillian said, his voice resigned as he looked down at his hands.

Siobhan's face softened as she looked at her brother. She knew that he had been struggling with his feelings for you, torn between what he wanted and what he thought was best for you. And now, after everything that had happened in the past few days, it was clear that his relationship with you was on shaky ground.

"Cillian, you need to talk to her anyway," Siobhan said after a moment of silence. "Maybe tell her what happened and then tell her what it is that you want," she suggested and Cillian nodded, knowing that she was right but, when he arrived at your house an hour later , his heart felt heavy in his chest.

When you opened the front door, you were surprised to see him, thinking that you made it clear enough for him to understand that you needed some space after what ensued between him and Amanda. It caught you off guard to see him at your doorstep, but Mara's face lit up when she saw him, reaching her little arms out towards him.

"Would you like to come in?" you asked as, despite your initial apprahension, you opened the door wider and invited him inside.

"Yes, if that's okay?" Cillian said and, reluctantly, you nodded.

Cillian smiled faintly as he walked inside and took Mara from your arms, kissing her on the cheek before setting her down on the floor. He glanced around the living room, taking in the cozy and welcoming atmosphere. You had rearranged things that day and he knew that this was because of him.

When something bothered you, you occupied yourself with what some might call nesting and you certainly did exactly that.

"I hope I'm not intruding," he said, finally meeting your eyes.

You watched him warily, unsure of what to make of his sudden appearance.

"No, it's fine. Although you should have called first," you said, hugging your arms around yourself. You could feel a cold draft from outside, making you shiver involuntarily.

"I know, it's just...," he began to stammer before cutting straight to the chase . "I need to tell you something. It's about that night - at the party..."

As he trailed off, you couldn't help but feel a sinking feeling in your stomach. You had a feeling you knew where this was going.

"You did sleep with her didn't you?" you interrupted , your voice hollow as you looked at him with a mixture of hurt and anger but, much to your surprise, Cillian quickly shook his head.

"No, of course not! But I did kiss her and she did want to take this further and, after she spiked my drink, I couldn't think straight Y/N. I am sorry," he explained, looking at you with regret in his eyes.

"She what?" you asked when you heard that Amanda had spiked his drink. You were shocked and confused by the news and felt a mix of emotions, including anger and hurt, well up within you. "Jesus Cillian, how do you know?" you asked, your voice barely above a whisper as you struggled to process this new information.

Cillian looked at you with a mixture of guilt and regret written all over his face. "Siobhan got her to admit it after she suspected that something was wrong. I only had two beers that night and I shouldn't have been of my face like that," Cillian continued, his voice filled with remorse.

You couldn't believe what you were hearing. You felt a wave of relief wash over you as you realized that Cillian hadn't cheated on you per se, but the fact that she had spiked his drink was still deeply concerning.

"Why would she do something like that?" you wondered aloud, a frown furrowing your brow.

"She was angry and bitter about our break-up. I should have seen it coming," Cillian replied, letting out a sigh. "But I didn't and now, well, I mean look at us. I am sorry Y/N," he told you , his voice laced with regret.

You looked at him for a long moment, unsure of what to say or do. On one hand, you wanted to yell at him, demand to know why he had let this happen in the first place. But on the other hand, you knew that he had been weak in that moment, that he was not thinking clearly and the fact that he couldn't think clearly was not his fault. Amanda's actions had consequences, and Cillian was suffering the brunt of it.

"It's not your fault," you eventually said, your voice soft as you looked at him with a mixture of sympathy and compassion. "You didn't know what was happening."

Cillian nodded, letting out a sigh as he looked at you with a mixture of relief and gratitude. "So you forgive me?" Cillian asked, his voice barely above a whisper as he looked at you with a mixture of hope and fear in his eyes.

"Yes , I forgive you," you told him, a small smile touching your lips as you looked back at him. It was the truth - you did forgive him. You understood that he hadn't intended for any of this to happen.

You could tell that he was hurting, that the guilt was heavy on his shoulders. He had made a mistake, but it wasn't something irreparable. At least, not if you both were willing to work through it.

"But that doesn't mean that I'm okay with what happened. I'm not. I can't just forget about it overnight," you continued, wanting to make sure that Cillian understood where you were coming from.

"I know, I understand. And I won't ask you to forget about it. I just want you to know how sorry I am and that I will do whatever it takes to make it up to you," Cillian said, taking a step towards you as he reached out to take your hand in his.

"That's not what I meant Cillian. I meant that Amanda needs to be charged with assault. I can't forget that this happened not because of what you did, but because of what she did," you said with determination while taking his hands in yours.

Cillian's expression changed, and he knew that you were right. He let out a deep sigh and nodded. "Okay, I'll talk to Siobhan about it," Cillian replied, relieved that you weren't holding him solely responsible for the situation.

As the night went on, Cillian and you sat on the couch, holding hands, and talked about everything that had happened. He stayed for a while, cooked dinner for you and put Mara to bed.

It was a peaceful night, and you could feel the tension between you two slowly dissipating.

Being tired from the day's events, Cillian rested his head on your stomach as you were both laying on the couch, watching the Big Bang Theory and you ran your fingers through his hair .

Cillian closed his eyes, enjoying the sensation of your fingers gently massaging his scalp. The warmth of your body, the sound of your steady heartbeat, and the softness of your touch brought him a sense of comfort that he hadn't felt in a long time.

Despite the chaos that had unfolded between you and him, he was grateful for this moment of peace. It was a reminder that you were still here, still willing to give him a chance, and still capable of forgiveness.

As you continued to run your fingers through his hair, Cillian couldn't help but feel a surge of emotions welling up inside of him.

"I love you, Y/N," he whispered, his voice barely audible above the sound of the TV.

You looked down at him, a small smile touching your lips as you looked back into his eyes.

"I love you too, Cillian," you replied, your voice soft as you leaned down to press a gentle kiss to his lips.

"I just can't imagine a life without you and Mara, Y/N. I want us to be a proper family, you know," Cillian murmured against your lips, his voice earnest and sincere.

"I want that too, Cillian. More than anything," you whispered, your voice filled with emotion as you felt the familiar warmth spread through your body. You had missed this feeling, the feeling of being truly seen and appreciated by someone who meant so much to you and, yet, what he said next, caught you off guard completely.

"Then marry me, Y/N," Cillian said, looking up at you with eyes filled with hope and excitement while you gasped in shock, unsure about how to respond.

You looked down at him, your mind racing as you tried to process his words. You loved Cillian, there was no doubt about that, but the idea of getting married right now after all that had happened between you, Cillian and your families made you feel uneasy.

"Are you being serious?" you asked , your voice barely above a whisper as you looked down at Cillian, trying to gauge his expression.

Cillian's face was open and earnest, his eyes shining with hope and excitement. "Yes, I am being serious. You are the only woman I will ever want," he replied, his voice filled with conviction.

Your heart swelled at his words, and you couldn't help but feel a surge of emotion rising up within you. You had always imagined getting married and starting a family, but the reality of it seemed so far away. You did not feel ready for this journey just yet and you most certainly still needed time to process the way your new life was unfolding. Being a mother was exciting but also daunting at your age and you couldn't possibly think about making yet another life changing decision so soon.

"I-I don't know what to say, Cillian," you stammered, your voice trembling as you looked down at him with a mixture of confusion and fear. "I love you, I do, but I'm just not sure if I'm ready."

Cillian's face fell, and you could see the disappointment and hurt in his eyes. He knew that this was a possibility, but he had hoped that you would say yes, despite the recent events and the current state of your relationship.

"It's okay, Y/N. I understand," Cillian replied, his voice laced with disappointment and hurt. You could tell that he was trying to keep his emotions in check, but you could see the pain in his eyes as he looked up at you.

"I should probably head home. It's getting late," Cillian said after a moment, and you nodded, feeling a pang of sadness in your chest as he pulled away from you.

"Okay, I'll walk you out," you replied, getting up from the couch and following him to the front door.

As you walked together in silence, you couldn't help but feel a sense of uncertainty about your relationship with Cillian. You loved him, and you wanted to be with him, but the idea of getting married and starting a family was a huge commitment, and one that you weren't sure you were ready for.

You had only been together for a few months, and already, so much had happened between you.

You opened the front door, the cool air of the night rushing in to greet you as you stepped outside.

"Are you sure you don't want to stay for the night?" you asked, seeing that you did not want him to leave like this but, unsurprisingly, he shook his head.

"No, I will go," he said, his eyes unreadable as he looked at you.

You sighed, feeling a sense of disappointment and sadness wash over you as you looked into his eyes. Despite everything that had happened between you, you still wanted him to stay. You wanted to spend the night with him, to feel his arms around you, and to forget about the chaos that was currently surrounding you. But you knew that you couldn't. Not right now. You said 'no' and now you had to give him time to digest your answer.

Note: What do you think Cillian and Y/N should do now?

Tags:

@sunbeamseas @saint-ackerman @oatmealisweird @naxxsstuff @amanda08319 @r-m-cidnah @elysiannook @cillshot @infireddabdab @tastycakee @harrysbestiee @lilybabe22 @adalynlowell @henrywintersdearestgirl @ietss @thatgirlthatreadswattpad @ryiamarie @axionn

@heidimoreton @nela-cutie @futurecorps3 @delishen @nosebleeds-247 @thirteenis-myluckynumber @gills-lounge @hjmalmed @lost-fantasy @tiredkitten @sidechrisporn @smallsoulunknown @charqing-qing @hopefulinlove @aporiasposts @shycrybaby @me-and-your-husband @hjmalmed @lacontroller1991 @galxydefender @aporiasposts

@galxydefender @hunnibearrr @saint-ackerman @lunyyx @gentlemonsterjennie1 @ihavealotoffandomssorry @nadloves @lost-fantasy @nolucesn@mcavoy-girl @hjmalmed @bloodybagels @obeyme4life @richiesgroupie @blushykiss @tatumrileyslover @teawithsatanx @orijanko @rhaenyra4ever @xcinnamonmalfoyx @budugu @nadloves @kmc1989 @bloodybagels @obeyme4life @richiesgroupie @forgottenpeakywriter @smailaway @sophiaaguirred @blondie-22

#cillian murphy x y/n #cillian murphy x you #cillian murphy x reader #cillian murphy imagine #cillian murphy #cillian murphy smut

67 notes · View notes

aois-amaterasu-painting · 3 months

Text

The GazettE - DOGMA book + lyrics translations

Ruki:

The current situation the GazettE finds itself in. And the attitude we are trying to uphold there. The title track reflects this most vividly. At the same time, it also contains a kind of antithesis.

Uruha:

Once the concept of the album was decided, this song remained true to the image I imagined while thinking about touring with such a worldview. In other words, it also marks the beginning of the flow of time from now on. Without fearing misunderstanding, I think it's a straightforward song that should be easy to understand, even though it may not seek expansiveness. It is precisely the song that embodies the theme of "dogma," nothing more or less than that.

Aoi:

"DOGMA" is "DOGMA." There's no other way to put it. Since I first heard this original track, I've always thought it's the song most suitable for this title. When the word "dogma" came up and we discussed what it means, this song resonated the most. Without this song, I feel like this album itself would have been completely different; it's that important.

Reita:

"DOGMA" is zero, and at the same time, it is one hundred. The title track that suggests such thoughts. Naturally, it's only when all the songs gathered here come together that "DOGMA" comes into existence. But at the same time, this song itself feels like it encompasses everything.

Kai:

A door that had naturally loomed before us for a long time. It was very solid and not easy to open. The powerful image of the door opening with a sound. Of course, it didn't open naturally; we finally managed to push it open ourselves. We had always been convinced that what we were seeking was there, but we had sometimes stretched our legs in different directions while trying to complement what we lacked. Here, however, we faced that door head-on... As a result, what allowed us to open it was the power of the "experience" we had accumulated until now.

DOGMA: Translation

The facades are beginning to crumble Sins dissolve into faint echoes The teeming masses of society are the carcass of greed

I deny everything I deny all of it I deny everything

The rite I must face is cloaked in darkness and isolation Only there will truth be found

I devour the dogma of the frenzied mob And overshadow them with “unadulterated blackness”

Rebelling against the herd mentality, directly opposing set boundaries I’ll be a brain-dead god

A blood-stained future burning in shadow Transforming into an idol, moving towards truth

I’ve witnessed the death of greed Frenzy unleashed in these eyes Flock of puppets Growing hate I pity you Hate your life Flock of puppets Growing hate

Overthrowing God, here we offer death

The sound of countless voices and clapping is heard from that direction We shall become one with the shadows And die the most excellent death

I will blacken out this world Darkness in the world Starts tonight

RAGE

Ruki:

Anger. This song is heavily imbued with anger. "DOGMA" isn't an album rich in emotional ups and downs; here, there's not a trace of "joy" or "pleasure," only "anger" and "sorrow" instead. It strongly reflects what we have felt as ourselves in the current situation, from 2014 to 2015. Our attitude is packed into this too—namely, the feeling that "the GazettE should be like this." In other words, this song is also a manifestation of "dogma."

Uruha:

Among the prominently intense songs on this album, this song stands out as most fitting for its position more than any other. From its introduction onwards, it felt like deciding the setlist for a live performance. The key lies in its speed and explosive power. In a sense, it's an overt song, but placing it here was necessary for the album itself.

Aoi:

"Anger," as the title suggests. It might seem overly simplistic to sum it up in just that word, but it's a song that exudes tremendous intensity. In recent years, the quality of demo recordings has improved, and the impression of the song itself has often remained unchanged from that initial stage.

Reita:

Truly a song that should be placed as the second track. What I seek in a second track is a sense of energy that feels like something is about to explode. I deeply resonate with Ruki's lyrics full of anger.

Kai:

An intense finishing move that erupts at the entrance after opening a heavy door. I think this song, placed here, has a quality that makes everything afterward fall into place no matter how it unfolds. Similarly, if this song explodes early in a live performance, it naturally sets up anticipation for what comes next.

RAGE: Translation

[Are you ready?]

Sad old geezer How do you use us? Too late this asshole cannot be saved

“Pride” “envy” “rage” “sloth” “greed”… Your mortal sins drive your very existence to madness

Stacked away Skanky waster You should know your shame Such a shithead All saints shall die Shitty loser You should know you’re lame Such a dickhead All saints shall die

Because there will never be a world that I can know We cannot change this fact, it is done Z Generation is our Last one

sad old geezer How do you use us? Too late this asshole cannot be saved

“Pride” “envy” “rage” “sloth” “greed”… Your mortal sins drive your very existence to madness

Because there will never be a world that I can know Everything was a lie, such deceit

I can no longer even see the moon I once loved so much

Because there will never be a world that I can know We cannot change this fact, it is done Z Generation is our Last one

Stacked away Skanky waster Hey ! You should know your shame Hey ! Such a shithead All saints die Shitty loser Hey ! You should know you’re lame Hey ! Such a dickhead All saints shall die

DAWN

Ruki:

In 2014, we went through a tour themed "redefinition," where we were made aware of things and reaffirmed what we should do. This song strongly reflects that significance. At our 13th anniversary Budokan performance (March 2015), I think we were able to show that we are evolving, and there's a sensory overlap there.

Uruha:

Another intense song. Right from the start, it relentlessly unfolds with intensity. By the third track, it's a declaration that we're not settling down yet. I don't think we've ever placed a song of this nature in this position before, but in this case, there's meaning in having this song here. Some people actually had the opinion that it might be tiring to listen to nothing but intense songs from the beginning. But personally, I wanted to push through with this momentum.

Aoi:

This song also embodies the image of "dogma." It's so iconic that it could have justified being titled "DOGMA" as well, in my opinion. It's that powerful of a track, akin to the title track.

Reita:

Above all, the chorus's unpredictability is intense. It expands the world of the entire album in one fell swoop. It brings a type of element that hasn't been present in the GazettE before, and there's freshness in whether you can imagine this chorus from the way the song begins.

Kai:

A song that resonates with "DOGMA" in my mind. Despite being relatively up-tempo, it fundamentally differs from what's typically considered an upbeat song, with a heavy weight pressing down. There's a kind of feeling of the former self pursuing darkness.

DAWN: Translation

I sing, digging up [memories of] my past I’d loved so completely From within the depths of the void Time stood still while the distorted dark clouds Swirled all around

I was bound up in innumerable shackles And I want to lose myself in the reality reflected in the chaos around me

I’ve already had a lethal dose of misfortune The ruined gallows towers above me

Overcast sky, Counting song the sound of approaching footsteps

Wild party with emotions running high A merry-go-round of deepest red unfurled That day was the beginning of it all 13 stairs foretell the metamorphosis

Moving past my momentary confusion these roiling emotions rise up [these roiling emotions rise up] [Moving past my momentary confusion these roiling emotions rise up] Hung up high on that 13th stair

The beautiful answer redefined becomes the new dogma

I was bound up in innumerable shackles And I want to lose myself in the reality reflected in the chaos around me

I’ve already had a lethal dose of misfortune The ruined gallows towers above me

Overcast sky, Counting song the sound of approaching footsteps

Wild party with emotions running high A merry-go-round of deepest red unfurled Accompanied by the end of peace I lay my hands on the blackened altar Wild party with emotions running high A merry-go-round of deepest red unfurled That day was the beginning of it all 13 stairs foretell the metamorphosis

An evil spell my life

DERACINE

Ruki:

Rootless. It's not that the roots aren't growing, but rather, sometimes in real life, there are situations or relationships where you feel like cutting off those roots yourself, even though you've grown as a person, when the other person refuses to change. It's something that has existed since long ago. It's about feeling like wanting to forget even your own roots.

Uruha:

Among the songs on this album, this falls into the slow category. It hits at the first wave of change that arrives. It's difficult to describe this feeling, but it has a characteristic of being somewhat inorganic.

Aoi:

Initially, the word "dogma" gave me an impression of something inorganic and emotionless. Actually, there's a certain religious connotation to it, but it should also carry a sense of inorganic and emotionlessness. In reality, this song is very close to that "dogma" image for me. It's like I should dig deeper into that world from here.

Reita:

Among the tracks on this album, it's the only one with a transparent image. At the same time, I think it's one of the few songs here with a distinct atmospheric feel. There's a satisfying feeling in being able to beautifully bring out the resonance of the low tones.

Kai:

I feel like this song appearing in the first half of the album can provide a different kind of impact. Initially, I imagined it might be a more inward-feeling song, but as soon as the vocals entered, it expanded tremendously. This is a nuance that hasn't been present before, I think.

DERACINE: Translation

In the womb Was the fate decided? I’m going to be sick The feelings that I hid 4…3…2…1 That can’t be counted overpowering grief

In a maze [Cradle and grave] Raw scar Can’t get back Lie, Coward, Bullshit

My heart is disturbed by you

In the womb Was the fate decided? I’m going to be sick

There are no words that can make our future beautiful [again now that] it’s been torn apart So now I’ll fly away from that love

In a maze [Cradle and grave] Raw scar Can’t get back Lie, Coward, Bullshit

My heart is disturbed by you

Go away I say good-bye to hateful you once again Go away I say good-bye to hateful you Forget up to now with me

In the womb Was the fate decided? I’m going to be sick

I know your ugliness [No restraint] My feelings for you never change [No complaint] My life is dirty now [No restraint] Such a life is sad

[In a maze [Cradle and grave] Raw scar Can’t get back Lie, Coward, Bullshit]

[Go away I say good-bye to hateful you once again Go away I say good-bye to hateful you Forget up to now with me]

BIZARRE

Ruki:

The lyrical focus revolves around what I personally think about so-called juvenile crime. Without fear of misunderstanding, I have a vague feeling that maybe the way juvenile crimes are judged in today's Japan might be "off." Any punishment is decided according to manuals, but in reality, the severity of a crime cannot be measured in such terms.

Uruha:

It's a very calm song, and it carries a certain inorganic* quality. Within the entire album, this part might give a somewhat flat impression, but it exudes a strange feeling as the title suggests... How to describe this texture in terms of genres aside, I think it's a song filled with elements of madness and trickiness.

Aoi:

A song that exudes an inorganic atmosphere. Because of its inorganic nature, it's difficult to explain in words. But undoubtedly, this is also an indispensable piece of the "DOGMA" puzzle. It was born because of the existence of this concept.

Reita:

A song with an inorganic impression. Even as a player, I deliberately tried to cut out all unnecessary elements and erase human-like qualities. However, despite being a very dry world, there's something strangely compelling about it.

Kai:

At the stage of completion as a recording, this song stands out as one where it's hard to predict how it will come across in a live setting among the tracks on this album. It's a song that could lean towards emphasizing intensity, or swing towards a darker direction... In that sense, it has a fascinating duality of extremes. Therefore, depending on how it's placed in the live setlist and what songs surround it, it could sound completely different.

*"inorganic" in the context of the discussion about the song is "無機質" (mukishitsu) in Japanese. It refers to something lacking organic qualities, often used metaphorically to describe something that feels cold, emotionless, or mechanical. In the context of music or art, it can describe a certain detached or sterile quality.

BIZARRE: Translation

In my spinning, spinning field of vision Someone was violated over and over again In my spinning, spinning field of vision They were violated

Scared eyes of the crowd This gate is to hell That famous bad face [She is bizarre…]

Exaggerated, puffed-up delusions And unformed personalities, An unbridled curiosity that is shattered self-control, With no limits to their bizarre lust, Obsessed with pushing boundaries and Their brutal nature shown in their eyes Are their perverted qualities

scared body This gate is to hell Scared body With greedy eyes scared body This gate is to hell Scared body Death valley

They make their living committing atrocities, the source of immature retribution They deserve death for the pain of loss [they cause]

Exaggerated, puffed-up delusions And unformed personalities, An unbridled curiosity that is shattered self-control, They’ll keep laughing even if you lock them up Their pervasive darkness has creeping roots A generation of impulsive behavior That reality can’t break through

scared body This gate is to hell Scared body With greedy eyes scared body This gate is to hell Scared body Death valley

They make their living committing atrocities, the source of immature retribution The deserve death for the pain of loss [they cause]

Their eyes bask in the terrible spectacle, seeking pleasure until they die

WASTELAND

Ruki:

Nowadays, there's a tendency where the internet judges everything, be it politicians or anyone else. People can easily engage in bashing, even towards figures symbolizing the nation or otherwise, and everyone starts to feel afraid in response. It makes you feel like it's the end of the world in such a society.

Uruha:

After a series of intense songs, there's a sense of descending here. It feels like finally, a song with some air has appeared. Up to this point, the songs have had a tendency to be dense both in terms of sound and arrangement, but with this song, amidst its existential darkness, there are gaps, expanses, and a fluctuation in the air.

Aoi:

When I first imagined the concept of "dogma," what came to mind was, for example, ritualistic scenes or someone being absorbed into something ecstatically... It was trying to express such things that led to the creation of this song. It might not be a direct match for the theme of "dogma," but I think this song was born precisely because that word was presented beforehand.

Reita:

Truly something unique to us right now, or rather, within what's considered the visual kei genre of music, there's a dark, Gothic feeling, something that feels like only adults can handle. This song is exactly that. It's a song that suits us better now than ever before.

Kai:

I think we've had songs with a heavy atmosphere like this before, with a similar tempo. However, in the case of this song, there's a sense of exhilaration somewhere within it. It feels like a beam of light shining through the dark world, creating a sensation of expansiveness. While the imagery may evoke a desolate landscape, it's not entirely pitch black; there's something piercing through. The identity of that "something" might be something I'll come to understand in the future.

WASTELAND: Translation

The thousand eyes that can kill even God Transform into heretics that devour the rules When the time comes and right and wrong disappear It will all end with a blood-red moon

Falsehoods becoming profound sins Judging innocence in their transgressions

The thousand eyes that can kill even God Transform into heretics that devour the rules When the time comes and right and wrong disappear It will all end with a blood-red moon

Embracing the taboo

The bare essence of the world's existence Bound in shadow Descending into chaotic darkness Eyes of the apostles elevated to divinity

Blurring imbalance, a chance to seize

The cunning entanglement of duplicity As time falls, it gives birth to the conflict between good and evil The world of ugly filth and despair

The unveiled divine doctrine of exclusivity Bound in shadow Descending into chaotic darkness Dancing with the taboos

The thousand eyes that can kill even God Transform into heretics that devour the rules

INCUBUS

RUKI:

This is like a nightmare from hell. I've had the same unpleasant dream over and over. Or perhaps something unpleasant actually happens, and it repeats like a trauma in dreams. In reality, I've experienced something like this, and during the production of this album, there were times when it was particularly frequent. It's not just about things I find unpleasant; sometimes dreams also bring wishes like "it would be nice if this happened." However, the reason we have such dreams is precisely because reality isn't like that. I think dreams mostly show us the opposite.

麗 (Uruha):

Among the many intense songs on this album, this song also heads firmly in its own direction. Amidst its intensity, it also reveals glimpses of a beautiful development that could be interpreted as bewitching and sublime, combining a sense of speed with elegance.

葵 (Aoi):

This too embodies a sense of "dogma." In a way, it might be the song that most strongly evokes that feeling. However, listening to the lyrics, it feels like it's speaking to something. From the title "INCUBUS," you can also feel nuances of yokai* or monsters. Dictionary-wise, it means "nightmare," right? It might just be speaking to that. Even though RUKI's singing style doesn't necessarily convey that feeling of speaking to someone.

REITA:

This song also packs a considerable punch. The contrast between its strength and the beauty of its chorus is exquisite, resulting in a high-quality song that isn't just about momentum.

戒 (Kai):

Among the songs on this album, this one falls into the melodic category. The contrast between light and darkness is very clear. It's not like being dazzled by a strobe light but rather an image where light and darkness switch sharply. In that sense, this song also has a duality and is a song that requires a lot of effort.

*Yokai (妖怪) are supernatural beings or phenomena from Japanese folklore. The term "yokai" is often translated as "monster," "spirit," "apparition," or "ghost," but these translations don't fully capture the breadth of yokai diversity and characteristics.

INCUBUS: Translation

I cannot get out away now from the maze

Un, deux, trois Reality and nightmares intersect in the night And spread forgotten memories over my parched tongue They keep clinging to my mind that won’t wake up Traces of countless loveless days gone by

The things that “you” want I don’t even know what they are Even now I feel that feeling of fear spreading down my spine

I arise to broken nights

My dreams are depressing I remember them, and each time, I pray that I can forget But their shadow will never disappear Still my eyelids slip closed

God, is this a sign Tell me my crime Is it my fate to suffer

Uninvited one

Un, deux, trois Greed and courtship psychological trauma Reality and nightmares that can never be escaped They keep clinging to my mind that won’t wake up Traces of countless loveless days gone by

The things that “you” want I don’t even know what they are Even now I feel that feeling of fear spreading down my spine

I arise to broken nights

All these sad memories flood over me Even if I try to cover my eyes, they won’t go away Because I can still see myself In that never-ending dream

These repeated dreams won’t pass me by It’s a nightmare and a lie

I can’t change fate Even if I die

These repeated dreams won’t pass me by It’s a nightmare and a lie

So fuck the why And get lost

I cannot get out away now from the maze

LUCY

RUKI:

This song is condensed with a kind of anger. It's about various conflicts, being deceived, and not exactly an accusation, but rather a song connected to human greed, I guess.

麗 (Uruha):

It's a song with strong hard rock elements. However, rather than directly exposing that, it reflects our established approach within the album's loud and intense flow. I feel like we've solidified our way of handling such musical tastes. This song also stands out as one of the prominent "colors" of intensity in this album.

葵 (Aoi):

I suppose this would also be considered an angry song, right? There's a strong sense of edge in the sound. However, it's not just a simple angry song; it's different from mere hatred or listing grievances. It feels more like frustration towards things that are hard to accept. It's a song where such feelings are vaguely expressed. It's definitely not a type of song we've had before, and you could say it's a very the GazettE-like song. It's hard to explain more specifically, but I feel it's something we can identify with.

REITA:

If we were to say something idealistic like "cheers from the fans" are the driving force behind this band, deep down, I still think it's anger. I feel like this song expresses that the strongest. Honestly, I feel like once again, this band is made of anger.

戒 (Kai):

It gives off an image of just rushing forward. However, it's not simply about being fast; there are moments where you must firmly put the brakes on, and it's not a song where you should just seek the rush. In other words, the way it runs isn't easy. It's a song I'm looking forward to facing in live performances.

LUCY: Translation

Fascinated by the darkness, your hands scrabble in a hive of greed

Conformity steeped in pleasure: Vice Half-crazed and writhing Your crafty antics are reaching heights of sheer stupidity

Lucy Your vice masquerading as godliness is [finally] exposed 「Greed」「Lust」「Folly」「LIE」「Bluff」「Crime」 Over again Don’t look away Eat me

Vital ability your character is lacking That material is ripped away from you just like that If you could be tamed, I’d keep you

Swallowed up by your greed, you forgot you were being strangled

Conformity steeped in pleasure: Vice Half-crazed and writhing Your crafty antics are reaching heights of sheer stupidity

Lucy You’re hanging, a slave to love on the King’s Highway 「Greed」「Lust」「Folly」「LIE」「Bluff」「Crime」 Over again Aggression comes next Lucy Your vice masquerading as godliness is [finally] exposed 「Greed」「Lust」「Folly」「LIE」「Bluff」「Crime」 Over again Don’t look away Eat me

You’re trying to flee, my dear Lucy

GRUDGE

RUKI:

This was inspired by the American movie "Gone Girl". It's about the extreme emotions of a woman, stemming from the desire to control, which is pure yet taken to extremes.

麗 (Uruha):

Regarding the guitar, it seems like a relatively calm song, but it reflects Aoi's character as the composer. It has a beautiful flow with subtle fluctuations, combined with a kind of intensity that creeps up gradually. That was my first impression of this song.

葵 (Aoi):

This is also my "dogma". While bringing out quite a muddy aspect, I tried to introduce a heavier feeling as well. When embodying the concept of "dogma" into a song, various emotions were intermingling within me. If I were to say this song straight up embodies my personal "dogma", then "WASTELAND" would be the further exploration from here.

REITA:

It's not coolness in the sense of being detached, nor is it stylish in that manner, but I think it's a song that's refined in our own way. I feel it's beautifully composed in terms of its atmosphere. The fact that this has come together as a whole is because of the experiences we've had thus far. If we had tried to create such a song in the past, it would likely have been more cluttered with various phrases. It seems like a song that is both simple and intricate. Rather than cramming in multiple answers, it's about sticking to one straight answer. That's exactly what this song is.

戒 (Kai):

Describing this song in words is extremely difficult. Each scene that makes up the progression of the song is quite clear. For me, I didn't want it to end in a cramped feeling. When you try to grasp it from your own perspective, it tends to become narrow, so I made sure to incorporate the images that other members also hold, and tried to grasp the song itself with as broad a perspective as possible. While other songs presented similar challenges, this song may have been the most difficult in that sense. I remember crossing my arms and deeply contemplating when I first listened to the original track.

GRUDGE: Translation

If I could, I would hold you in my arms As we descend together into the icy sea

We’ll sink so deep that we won’t be able to rise again, and in those dark depths Your confession – broken, shattered, scattered – Won’t reach my deaf ears My sea of resentment

I leave behind only words and broken memories as death creeps closer I am no longer the ‘me’ you once recognized

I am completely unable to stop myself From hating that look of concern in your eyes

I can’t say when all the threads that bound us together came undone I’ll never hold your hand in mine Or feel anything [for you] ever again The raw wound that is ‘me’ Has left behind nothing but a shadow

I leave behind only words and broken memories swimming in your clear eyes I am no longer the ‘me’ you once recognized

A moment of hesitation hangs over your head And the look you give me is one like you’ve seen something disgusting I wonder what kind of person you think I am [When] you can’t even comprehend suffering

The memory of blood welling from brimming eyes will stay with me I’ll save you with my cold serenity

In the sea of resentment We’ll embrace our sins We will never escape [As we sink] into the fathomless depths

PARALYSIS

RUKI:

The weak self. This also stems from a story based on a certain incident. Amidst relentless brutal incidents, there are cases where both the perpetrators and the victims fall into such depths due to their own weaknesses. This is about the helplessness in such situations. Ultimately, people can be driven to death by it.

麗 (Uruha):

There are aspects of this song that go beyond the religious imagery of the entire "DOGMA" album, aiming for something more exposed and aggressive. Personally, I have a feeling like, "I could die playing this..." It's not about fast playing, but rather a relentless pounding of the right hand. In that sense too, it's a song pushing towards its limits.

葵 (Aoi):

This is truly about pushing limits. It's a challenge to the limit, or rather, it goes beyond that. But inversely, I was drawn to it out of simple curiosity. In that sense, it might deviate from the artistic image of "DOGMA," but in terms of playing, it might be the most impactful song with a character that breaks free from conventions.

REITA:

In terms of playing, this was the most challenging. As a bassist, this song had the highest difficulty level. The vocal shouts are also packed intensely. In the latter half of the album, this song strongly expresses the desire to deliver a final blow. And that blow is overwhelming. I feel its position in our live performances will naturally become apparent.

戒 (Kai):

A song that expands its scope while being intense. Initially, when listening to the original track while predicting its development, it was a series of "Oh, it's different" and "Oh, is it going this way?" moments. Intensity is an important weapon for us, and this song made us realize it could be increased anew.

PARALYSIS: Translation

Die and restart

These feelings that became entangled out of instinct Hurt more than I can even comprehend I can’t know it

Hide out Lies are stacking up There’s no blank space left It’s all been bedecked with tricks

I close off my heart because of my own weakness

My life is buried in loneliness [Even if] I try to throw it all up the loneliness always keeps coming back again

Distress I bought into that powerful, dubious love, and nearly drowned in it Everything dissolved into that illusion but nevertheless, for some reason, my heart was at ease I didn’t even realize that my emotions had become paralyzed, or that this reality is insubstantial I can’t know it My fate

Creepy the past inside me I want to bury it The facts inside me Once more so it won’t ever come back Past…Buried…Forever [Before I die] Am I so clever? [Until I die] Past…Buried…Forever Can you still see it?

My built-up desires have reached their limit as if just begging to be loved But I can’t see how that will ever happen

Creepy the past inside me I want to bury it Past…Buried…Forever [Before I die] Am I so clever? [Until I die]

[Distress] I bought into that powerful, dubious love, and nearly drowned in it Everything dissolved into that illusion but nevertheless, for some reason, my heart was at ease…

Die and restart

DEUX

RUKI:

About the two personalities within myself. Within myself, there exist such aspects. For example, there's a part of me that wants to dash across the road, and there's another part that puts the brakes on that impulse. Even when I understand the danger of jumping from a high place, sometimes curiosity about what would happen if I did jump can arise. This inner struggle between reason and curiosity might also be a form of dual personality.

麗 (Uruha):

This song was actually intended to be a single. It's structured in a way that should be enjoyable even if released as a single. It has proper vocal elements, intense parts, and overall, it offers a variety within a single song. Of course, it's also an essential piece for this album, but I think it stands well on its own as a single.

葵 (Aoi):

This is the kind of song that could have been released as a standalone single given the opportunity. In fact, we performed it during the March Budokan concert, and for an album like "DOGMA," it plays a role at the entrance, making it accessible to the audience. It could be likened to the "candy" in "carrot and stick" approach. Especially within this intense album.

REITA:

This is a song we've performed live before, so many people might recognize it. Not that it's the only one, but within this album, I think it holds a position as a "precious vocal piece." When you touch upon it as an individual piece of music, the feeling might be slightly different.

戒 (Kai):

Beautiful grotesqueness. That's the impression I get. For instance, if blood were dripping down from the top of a wall, it would normally be considered a grotesque sight. However, the contrast of bright red blood against a pure white wall is aesthetic, I believe. Similarly, this song possesses not just a grotesque aspect but also a beautiful one.

DEUX (TWO): Translation

This inescapable answer is gripped by despair; I hope it’s all just a dream[Because] this is an Inferno

You’re my enemy You make that clear when you sabotage my dreams that won’t come true Scary night Split mind bringing only Pain I’m praying for a Nightmare

Weakness draws near to my closed-off heart as it floats in the darkness of unconsciousness It’s scary to sleep in lonely silence, but whose fault is that?

This inescapable reality is gripped by despair; I hope it’s all just a dream [Because] this is an Inferno

You’re my enemy You make that clear when you sabotage my dreams that won’t come true Scary night Split mind bringing only Pain I’m praying for a Nightmare

Cut off from my destination, bewildered, the barrier around my mind is torn apart and my heart wound up breaking Innocent eyes full of yearning slip closed when the emotional storm has passed; without so much as a sound [tears] overflow

Our weakness superimposed atop one another, you and I will rot in the bottomless darkness Sleeping in lonely silence, weakness blossomed into isolation; but now all I have to do is take a step forward I won’t be of two minds anymore

You will become my dream

I sleep in lonely silence, broken as I am So mesmerized by “the end” that awaited me, I jumped Terror bared its fangs again but I’ll abandon my hesitation Wouldn’t even death be sweeter than slowly growing comfortable with being toyed with?

[FATE]

-We will die-

BLEMISH

RUKI:

About the parts of myself that I think are no good, or something I lack within myself. People try to fix such flaws or try to put an end to their past, but there are times when you can't change yourself easily. I feel like my shadow is distorted because of my past. Humans live in the present while trying to repair it, but the past cannot be changed. Even if you think you've changed it, you end up realizing that you're still the same.

麗 (Uruha):

To tell you the truth, during the song selection meeting, this spot was the only vacant one. Among several candidate songs vying for this position, I really wanted the chorus of this song here, no matter what. It wasn't just about the song but specifically about having that chorus here to create a moment of openness. As a result, by rearranging the flow leading up to that chorus, this song was reborn. I think within the entire album, this chorus itself becomes a crucial moment.

葵 (Aoi):

When you think of "dogma," it gives a sense of something absolute, like a doctrine. This song feels like confronting such an absolute. It has a somewhat authoritative stance or coercive force to it. When dealing with "dogma," I had the impression that it inherently carries such elements.

REITA:

In developing the live performances accompanying the album "DOGMA," this song is absolutely necessary, indispensable. Of course, it's not limited to just this song, but it should be a very clear song. I also feel it's a song that equals our current selves.

戒 (Kai):

The immediate image when listening is a vivid red. Not like blood-red, but more like a clear, vibrant red like a red strobe light. When RUKI initially brought the original version to the early song selection meeting, it had a stronger digital tone. However, if left as it was, it would have stood out from the album's world. It was later redesigned. Still, because it existed in the initial stages, it was easy to expand upon its imagery.

BLEMISH: Translation

Killing my past

[Fuck this]

I set out, my pulse racing, but something was missing In some respects, I had always been in denial about my own existence

I seem to lose all dazzling light Can’t understand this broken sight

Redo the pain, pain, start all over I want to kill the past I feel the shame, shame, it’s never over (SHAME, SHAME) These days I’m better dead

I want to be reborn

leave me alone I had to stifle my cries when I caught sight of my own twisted shadow

Shite Fuck What’s happened to me Why is it always just like this? Go to hell

God damn it fuck What’s happened to me Why is it always just like this? Go to hell

Redo the pain, pain, start all over I want to kill the past I feel the shame, shame, it’s never over Why do these days last?

Redo the pain, pain, start all over I want to kill the past I feel the shame, shame, it’s never over These days I’m better dead

In darker dreams A goddess speaks to me And it seems I cannot see the light Out of sight And reborn somewhere else Don’t just abandon me Please Please Please Please

FUCK YOU

OMINOUS

RUKI:

In a world that symbolizes ourselves lately, it feels like we've been standing there for a while. Moreover, I wanted to create a feeling that there's something more to come...

麗 (Uruha):

At the demo stage, it had a relatively cleaner song image. As the original composer reworked it and it became titled like this, the flow leading up to the chorus became more murky. Initially, there was surprise in how the chorus is so beautiful while the first half is murky, but I think it became a magnificent song with convincing grandeur suitable for the flow of the album "DOGMA." It was born beautifully but grew murky. Truly ominous.

葵 (Aoi):

This could have also been named "DOGMA," I feel. Actually, it naturally seems somewhat similar to the title track, using the same sound as in "DOGMA" in this song as well. I think even RUKI himself might have seen these two songs as a continuation or a pair. Because there's "DOGMA," there's also "OMINOUS," or rather, it's apparent that he wanted it to be that way. I believe this album wouldn't have been complete without this song. Just like how a book cannot be complete without its back cover.

REITA:

I didn't initially expect this to be the closing song. However, once the idea of placing it last came up, I couldn't imagine it anywhere else. Now, I can't think of any other place for it but here. It's a song that leads the world of "DOGMA." Without this song, the album might have ended up shallower. It was necessary to conclude it as something deeper.

戒 (Kai):

An image of everything turning pure white. However, it's not just about ending simply; rather, it's about opening another door... That might be the exit. Like "DOGMA" served as the entrance, this is quite a heavy door as well. There's an image that links with "DOGMA." These two songs have a relationship of front and back, yet they are also integral to each other.

OMINOUS: Translation

Sleep… Count me down… Again

So I’ll close my eyes As I turn to face you

My prayer shattered into ruins Is reflected in your eyes as you spread your wings to fly

I see you whirling with nightmares Through a sky thick with darkness

Don’t forget That the heart can’t die Don’t forget Really, dreams don’t always mean what they seem

True… Dread

Sleep… Count me down… Again

This cycle of constant change is ominous I fall into the recurring darkness

It steals away my formless future and whenever I step forward The sky darkens until I can no longer see I’m killing myself with loneliness and even my screams Won’t bring any rescue

Sleep… Count me down… Again

...

UGLY: Translation

Play in the circle Come pay for your filthiness The bloody scaffold and bitch

Please die… Before I die Lies and boastful eyes

Evil fame Inside SHARP 2 It’s completely distorted and Insane

Death to Traitors Scaffold and bitch Hatred ringing out, violated, nothing but a number Death to Traitors Scaffold and bitch Forgetting to beg [is a] Crime

This pain doesn’t reach you You, living with lies You can’t sleep beside me Are you still alive?

Play in the circle Come pay for your filthiness The bloody scaffold and bitch

Please die… Before I die Lies and boastful eyes

Evil fame Inside SHARP 2 It’s completely distorted and Insane

FUCK Traitors Scaffold and bitch Hatred ringing out, violated, nothing but a number Death to Traitors Scaffold and bitch Forgetting to beg [is a] Crime

Lies will always come tumbling down You are ugly and falling apart Even now you stand at the edge of the death’s abyss

Are you still alive?

Death to Traitors Scaffold and bitch Hatred ringing out, violated, nothing but a number Death to Traitors Scaffold and bitch Forgetting to beg [is a] Crime

DEPRAVITY: Translation

What isn’t written on that paper Are the absurd pretexts and hushed-up truths

Can you praise a God who doesn’t call it a sin To heap violence upon his devout believers? [You should die] That’s how it always is with the hidden side of the truth In bitter tears [Somebody has drowned]

Linked hearts And the hopes that traveled between them: What will be lost when the undesired end comes?

Looking back to the past, was it really as depraved as it seemed? My mind is filled with Despair

What isn’t written on that paper Are the absurd pretexts and hushed-up truths

Can you praise a God who doesn’t call it a sin To heap violence upon his devout believers? [You should die] That’s how it always is with the hidden side of the truth In tears of blood [Somebody has drowned]

The darkness that completely engulfs me won’t let me go

Crushed by my helplessness I lived through sleepless nights Destroyed by my weakness I couldn’t even cry anymore

Linked hearts And the hopes that traveled between them: What will be lost when the undesired end comes?

GODDESS: Translation

Suffering day after day My reason for living Is to embrace the answer that scratches the surface

Trapped inside, drowning in what I can’t see, I’m unable to believe in “someday” These bleak thoughts are my sacrifice that will one day begin to thaw into a selfless, smiling heart Drain

I want to become the stars that fill the silence Giving voice to my multitude of sins, growing louder until it’s distorted Floating in a haze within this shallow sleep Your hand gently caresses my crippling despair as I face this moment

Suffering day after day For all eternity I simply wish that I might live [But] it’s the end of me…

Trapped inside drowning in what I can’t see, I’m unable to believe in “someday” These bleak thoughts are my sacrifice that will one day begin to thaw into a selfless, smiling heart

I can’t become the stars that fill the silence Giving voice to my multitude of sins, it kills me as I struggle [If only] I could share my grief that can’t be put into words [If only] I could face reality and live accepting my crippling despair…

UNDYING: Translation

Sleep… Count me down… Again I won’t arise from this

Black philosophy: the only thing left behind is a future engulfed in misery When your unclear reality becomes a hindrance, what can you believe in? what can you hope for?

Ominous shadows completely obscure this sky Spreading my wings, I will circle them for all eternity

7 　“Disjointed thoughts” 6 　“Retribution and separation” 5 　“The gallows” 4 　“Wishes and the future” 3 　“Forbidden words and crushing heaviness” 2　 “Broken dreams” 1 　“Betrayal”

I deny all of it Smothered in blackness [Sleep…Count me down] Dancing with death [Count me down…Again] Come, let’s end this

I screamed to drown out everything else Have I changed at all? What did you see in the ever-darkening sky? My heart has been broken

Too late the truth that gushes forth was smothered by the darkness

7　Foolish courage Crawling, smeared with destructive desires 6　Eyes feigning apathy will bring the ruin of evil 5　[Foolish courage] [Crawling, smeared with destructive desires] 4　I mock even the God I’ve fooled 3　[Foolish courage] [Crawling, smeared with destructive desires] 2　[Eyes feigning apathy will bring the ruin of evil] 1　[Foolish courage] [Crawling, smeared with destructive desires] 0

The sky that represents eternity is nothing but sad

Life, don’t change my fate God, entomb my hate

Their depth of meaning begins to vanish along with the power of these words And even if I can see the end The dream I had was full of unforgivable hopes I can still see it even now

[Even now]

I’m drowning in the depths of the endless tide of sin

MALUM: Translation

I saw the abyss Like a nightmare

Morally bankrupt and completely drenched in red like a demon In the indiscriminate inhuman depths of extreme greed even my fantasies are half-hearted The shards of this life are scattered

“Her body heat can’t be felt anymore”

Why did you KILL? Though I lament She can’t return

In a garbage heap, I degenerate into a beast dripping with malice I will never forget The meaning of it

Until you die / I will live Until it KILLS you It will never end I know Until you die / I will live Until I KILL you Pray as your eyes gaze down into the “abyss of death”

Why did you KILL? Though I lament She can’t return

In a garbage heap, I degenerate into a beast dripping with malice I will never forget The meaning of it

I’m already like this

Until you die / I will live Until it KILLS you It will never end I know Until you die / I will live Until I KILL you Pray as your eyes gaze down into the “abyss of death”

What do you think of the death I dealt you in retaliation? The nothingness will continue to spread until everything [is covered] And in it, even your reason for living brings you nothing but ruin.

VACANT: Translation

[Even] as we’re tangled around each other I understand That it can never go back [to how it was]

What do you think? The answer is discolored by my self-condemnation I’ve lost sight of [our] perfect world That trick of my unconscious mind Prevents me from even dreaming

The setting sun brings to mind the “parting” that will happen one day The cherry blossoms simply flutter amidst the sound of my never-ending tears Their fleeting life will fade as the days pass by, and my grief continues to grow Even now it won’t leave me

Just don’t forget That the end will certainly be just like that day

[Even] as we’re tangled around each other I understand That it can never go back [to how it was]

On that wall of indifference [between us] that seems as if it could one day crumble away [I pin] the end and all my broken dreams

In the misery of being unable to reconnect our threads now untied, Time begins to pile up on itself, stopped dead in its tracks

The cherry blossoms merely flutter I can’t escape that day It’s as if you’re vacant, and you’re withering

I count the wishes you left me with

I grieve that I can’t change the way things are now And remember What I lost on that day

... MASS lyrics book All lyrics translations are from Defective Tragedy blog, I did some changes to Dogma and Wasteland because I felt the need to (I study DOGMA lyrics like a religious text, because it is one). The Dogma book members comments are translated by ChatGPT. All scans are from The Archive. Tumblr has once again messed up the formatting, sorry about that.

Notes to self: Ruki calls dogma the antithesis - in hegelian philosophy it is the negation. antithesis was also written on 15th anni merch, specifically the black shirt aoi wore. Inorganic feel - deracine - in the womb, Ninth mother/ Matrix, Uruha said The Mortal is about AI, so the Matrix, while babylons taboo is the ninth cover art track. 99.999 is the most inorganic of them all but its also the sum of all their previous works. Ruki directly confirms that dawn and 13th anni is about the scarlet woman and the redefinition tour was part of the intro to dogma. 13th anni - 13 dogma songs - 13 the number of the high priestess card, she is on the cover of dogma. Also dawn lyrics literally say answer redefined becomes the new dogma. Deux - the 2 triangles of a hexagram. Blemish - redness, like a red strobe light. was supposed to have a stronger digital tone?? Inorganic??? ninth goddess. Strobe light at the beggining of the mortal live. Bizarre 3x inorganic, she is bizarre. red visualiser, composed by uruha- gate to hell - bab - the mortal - in hell. Ominous - whiteness ( it reads more like redness to me with the heart being torn open and bleeding in the dogmatic final performance. Blood is smeared on ninth cds but also ugly vid and also spookybox lucy cd. Did ruki mean ninth with more to come or ugly? probably both. But Kai said exit door and Door is Daleth so ninth. Maybe it's the whiteness turning into redness. ) lucy + barbarian.

#the gazette #doing this has once again fried my brain #but I kinda memorised most of whats written here #maybe i ll need it for later #dogma and mass my beloveds #lyrics #dogma book #dogmatic #talks

31 notes · View notes

charliedawn · 5 months

Text

DEFECTIVE GOOD PART 19

(Hi. Author here. I spent a lot of time writing this and I am pretty proud of it. If you could just leave a comment or kudos if you like the story. That would mean the world to me. Or maybe share it ? Anyway, thanks for reading. 💜)

The search for JR-6025 began in earnest, and Phasma's troopers scoured every inch of the galaxy in pursuit of their target. Hux remained on his ship, anxiously awaiting updates, his mind consumed with the thought of reclaiming her. As the days turned into weeks, however, his frustration only grew. The hunt had yet to turn up any concrete results, and he grew angrier by the hour. His temper grew shorter, and his outbursts became more frequent, terrifying the crew and troops alike.

"What do you mean you found zero tracks ?" He screeched, causing the troops to flinch. "What do you mean there are no results ? Did you search all the planets ? Did you check the records on Exegol ?"

The soldiers, his troops, his loyal servants, quivered at his tone of voice.

"FIND HER. NOW ! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME ?!" He shouted, making the soldiers flinch.

The stormtroopers scoured the galaxy, scouring every corner, every nook and cranny for the traitor. But despite their best efforts, days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months with still no sign of her.

Hux grew more and more frustrated with each passing day, his anger boiling over at the failures of his troops. All of them were incompetent fools ! They were weak, and he hated weakness.

"HOW IS IT POSSIBLE THAT YOU FOUND NOTHING ?!" He screeched when an update was presented to him. He was livid and exhausted.

"What do you mean you have no results ?" He screamed, his voice cracking with anger. "Are you telling me that she simply disappeared into the void ?"

He was furious. More and more furious as time passed.

"FIND HER !" He bellowed, not caring who it was that was standing in front of him.

His rage was only growing.

"I WANT EVERYONE IN THE GALAXY TO BE SCANNED !" He shouted, not caring about the amount of resources he would waste, he didn't care anymore.

"I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ANOTHER EXCUSE !" He screeched, his voice echoing across the whole fleet.

"FIND HER !" He growled, his heart beating so fast he felt like it would explode any second now. However, he was surprised when a message appeared on his holopad...

It was a message from JR-6025...

He answered the call.

Hux’s anger boiled over at the sight of JR's face, his hands shaking with rage.

"What the hell do you think you're doing ?!" he shouted at her through the transmission. "You have no idea the trouble you're in ! Do you have any idea what you've done ?!"

What was she supposed to say ? What could she possibly say ? She hadn’t sent a single message in more than a month. She couldn’t tell him that she was with Luke Skywalker and Rey or that she had disobeyed him by not killing Rey…

"...Sir...I..."

Hux froze as he heard her voice. He felt both anger and shock, and for a split second, he couldn't believe it was actually her. He listened silently, taking in what she had to say. For a long moment there wasn't a sound apart from his breathing.

"Where are you ?" He finally asked, his voice barely holding back his anger.

She wanted to say something...But she didn't know what...She didn't know what she could possibly say to make him feel like she hadn't betrayed him...

Even if…Even if she had…

General Hux could sense her fear through the holographic transmission, and a dark smile spread across his face. "So...you've finally decided to contact me," he said in a cold, menacing voice. "I must say, I'm surprised that you even dare to face me after your little...disobedience."

He leaned forward, his eyes burning into hers through the transmission. "You have some explaining to do, don't you think ?"

Hux felt her fear and knew it was real. As much as he was furious, this moment right there...This had him worried at the same time. She was afraid of him...She was terrified. It hurt his feelings more than any insult he had ever heard.

"You have a lot of expla—" He growled but was suddenly cut off by his anger. He had enough of this. "You'll do well to have a VERY good excuse." He growled, letting out the anger contained within him.

"I am sorry, General. But, I will not be coming back."

Anger and disbelief flashed across Hux's face as he listened to her words. "You're not coming back ?" he repeated, his voice rising with each word. "Do you have any idea what you're saying ? You're a stormtrooper, JR-6025 ! And I am your superior ! You don't get to decide whether to come back or not !"

"Sir. I…I couldn’t kill Rey. She is with Skywalker. He is currently training her and I believe that she might actually bring back peace to the galaxy."

Hux's face contorted with rage as he listened to her words, his hands shaking with suppressed anger. "Are you telling me that you disobeyed a direct order and betrayed the First Order all because of one girl ?!" he snarled, his voice laced with venom. "You're nothing but a traitor ! Do you hear me ?! Do you understand the consequences of your actions ?!"

She shivered. "…Sir. Please. Understand. I am doing this for us. For us to be free. Free from fear. Wouldn’t it be something incredible ? To be able to do something for ourselves ? Be who we want to be ?"

She could almost hear him chuckle...Though there was still wrath in his tone...

"Don't preach the Force, soldier. Don't preach about freedom...Or happiness...Or...Or about anything else...."

His anger was evident...Even if he was trying to...To conceal it...

"You have gone rogue, soldier."

His voice was harsh.

"And if you do not come back this instant, I will come and destroy what remains of your life, myself."

At her refusal to obey his orders, Hux's face contorted in rage, his teeth bared in a snarl. "You traitorous worm," he spat out, his voice shaking with anger. "You dare to defy me ? You will pay for your disobedience."

He clenched his fists at his sides, his chest rising and falling with each labored breath. "You think you can hide from me ? You think you can outrun me ?" he continued, his voice rising in volume. "You are a fool ! I will find you, JR-6025, and you will regret the day you decided to cross me. Come back now. And I might forgive your obvious mistake."

"…Sir. I…" She closed her eyes and gritted her teeth. "I wish I could. I said I believed in you and that I would always be loyal to you. But, I want…I want to be happy, sir. I want to…I want to give us the choices we were deprived all our lives."

At her words, Hux's anger seethed even hotter. "You think you can give me choices ? You think you can be happy ?" he spat out with loathing. "You are nothing but a soldier, JR-6025. You do not get to make decisions. You obey orders. That is your purpose. And I order you to come back now. You are a stormtrooper. A machine. A tool...Nothing else."

He was gritting his teeth and his eyes were almost burning her.

"You do not understand love. You do not understand the Force. And you definitely do not understand happiness."

He laughed as he said it...

"The only thing a stormtrooper should know is obedience."

Hux felt a deep sense of betrayal growing inside him. She had disobeyed him, had gone against everything they had ever stood for, had turned her back on him and the First Order, all for what ? Her own freedom ?

He was furious...And his anger only grew as he heard the words coming out of her mouth.

"You are nothing but a tool." And now he wasn't even trying to hide his rage. "You have no free will. No desires. You exist to serve the First Order."

Those words hurt her deeply and she sighed as she knew the next words would cost her even more.

"…Then how come I think I fell in love with you ?"

There was suddenly a deafening silence.

"What...did you just say ?" he asked in a quiet voice, his jaw hanging open in disbelief.

She remained silent. They both stood in silence, the transmission filled with a palpable tension. Hux was speechless...He felt his heart freeze for a split second...

Did she just...Did she actually say what he thought she said ? His eyes darted around as he struggled to hear the sound of his own thoughts.

"What..." He said finally, quietly. "...Did you just say...you...."

He was stuttering, trying to process this information. She smiled weakly at his stuttering. She was shaking herself. She just wanted him to see her as something else than just a stormtrooper.

"…I think I fell in love with you."

If she was expecting a reaction from him...She got it. Silence...Followed by a deep breath as his hands started quivering. She had just said the words...The words that he had feared the most. That the feeling he was holding on to...That was growing with each passing day...Was real. She had admitted that...She...She did fell in love...With him. And he felt his heart skip a beat.

But, he quickly composed himself and his eyes let no emotion show.

Finally, Hux spoke again. "Did you...really think that I would abandon my plans for you ?" he asked, his voice low and ominous.

He took a step closer to the transmission device, his face mere inches from hers. "You're a valuable asset," he continued. "Something to use and manipulate for my own gain. You're nothing more than that."

His words cut like a blade. She had been prepared for a negative reaction, but this...It hit her in a way she had never expected.

She was nothing.

Just a tool to him.

Just something to be used and discarded.

Just something...Something he had never really seen as...as a person.

JR-6025's heart sank. She had held onto the hopes that he felt the same way for her. Maybe it was her naivety or just pure foolishness. But still...She had held onto hope...

But all of that shattered at his cold words...

"…Yes, sir," Her voice was void of any emotions as she said it...He could sense the emotions in her voice. Even if she had tried to hide it, he could figure out how hurt she was. How she felt like she had been betrayed. And how her heart was broken.

"You thought I loved you..." He said softly, almost whispering. "You thought we were in love."

"You kissed me, general." She reminded him.

His eyes snapped up as soon as she reminded him of that. The kiss they had shared...It felt like an eternity ago.

"That was..." He said slowly, seemingly searching for the right words. "A lapse in judgment." His tone was dismissive...But that was far from the truth.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

"Right…Of course."

She sounded sarcastic.

And maybe she was.

General Hux had hoped that...That by dismissing that kiss, he would break her in such a way that he could make her come back. She would run back to him...Back to the safety of his arms and the First Order.

But something told him that that would not be the case.

Hux glowered at her, his anger and frustration at an all-time high.

How dare she bring up that moment of weakness ? How dare she make him feel like a fool ?

He clenched his fists tightly at his sides, his knuckles turning white with the strain. His voice was low and seething with fury. "That was a mistake," he said, spitting out the words as if they were poison. "One I won't make again."

The bitterness in his voice was impossible to miss. Her eyes watered and she smiled weakly.

"A mistake…I see. Right. Just a mistake."

She sighed.

"Perhaps you are right. Perhaps it was a mistake. Perhaps that kiss meant nothing to you. And perhaps I am just a traitor. But…I will still see this through. I will see that future that I want. With or without your help."

She stood up and stared right at general Hux.

"I will not be returning, sir."

He seethed and shouted.

"You DARE to disobey me ?! To leave your unit, your duty to the First Order ?!"

His anger was overflowing...He was almost shaking with rage.

"Do you know what will happen to you if you do not come back ? Do you have any idea ?" He asked and shook his head in disbelief.

What an idiot…

"I don't care." She said simply, her eyes watering from the rage and pain she felt. "Whatever you do to me...You can't hurt me more than you've already hurt me."

Hux looked at her, his anger and disbelief growing in him with each one of her words. His hands were shaking and he could feel his pulse rise, making it clear of how furious he was.

"I won't ask again..." He said through gritted teeth, taking a step towards his communication device. "Where are you, JR-6025 ?"

She didn’t answer.

A cold rage began to simmer within him, building slowly until it seemed like it might burst out of him. "If you won't come back," he said, his voice low and dangerous, "then I promise you I will find you. And when I do, you will wish you had never been born."

The threat hung in the air like a dark cloud. "Do you think you can run from me ?" he continued, his voice starting to shake with anger. "Do you think you'll be able to hide ? I have resources at my disposal that you can't even begin to imagine. You will never be safe."

There were no emotions inside his voice now...Only pure cold anger.

She was defying him.

She was leaving him...

And she was choosing to live her life according to her own terms.

And in that moment...He hated her.

"You will regret every passing minute that you stayed away from me." He growled. "You will look back at your decision to disobey me as the worst mistake of your pathetic life. And when that time comes...I will not let you out of my sight ever again."

She felt the tears beginning to fall from her eyes. It hurt to hear the words coming out of his mouth. She had heard him threaten and intimidate others in the past...But this hit different...This time it was her that he was doing it to...All the anger, all the hate he hid behind his words. She was feeling it now...

"I won't return." She said, her tone breaking.

Armitage's heart was in pain now.

His fists shaking...

"It's treason, then."

He raised his right hand, pointing his finger directly at the holographic image of JR-6025. He then yelled with a hateful voice, with all his might.

"JR-6025, you are to be executed for your crimes ! And I, General Armitage Hux, will personally see to it ! Do you hear me ?" He sentenced and she closed her eyes. She knew it was coming, but she had still hoped that somehow she could be spared the heartbreak. General Hux’s chest was rising up and down...His breath short...His face red...

"Yes, sir." She said with a broken voice. The fear was in her eyes now...The desperation. She knew she didn't have much time left. She knew that once he ended the transmission, that the hunt for her would begin.

Yet still...She couldn't bring herself to say anything else right now. Her words of love weren't enough to deter his rage...Her declaration to find her own path meant nothing to him now...

He lowered his hand slowly, his breathing still quick and ragged. His face was twisted into a snarl. She could see the veins in his neck bulging under his skin. It was as if all the rage and frustration he had been bottling up had exploded out of him in one vicious burst of anger.

He stared at her through the holocomm link. "You will pay," he said in a guttural snarl. "You will pay for betraying the First Order. Mark my words."

She didn't dare to say a word as he yelled at her.

She didn't dare to look away either...

She knew that doing so would mean a lot worse than his threats.

So she just kept her eyes locked on his face.

Listening to the rage, to the words...And just letting it happen.

She didn't even try to stop the tears that were coming out of her eyes...

His face was cold and calculating. No trace of sympathy, pity, or pity. Only malice.

"You made your choice. Now suffer the consequences. I will see to it that your death is slow and painful," he said, his voice low and menacing. "You will regret the day you chose to turn your back on the First Order."

There was a glint in his eyes.

A dangerous glint.

That glint...That was not something anyone would want to experience. It meant death and torture...

"I don't want to die..." She said quietly.

The words were barely audible, almost a whisper. But he heard her. His face showed no emotions as he answered, his voice still angry and vengeful.

"You should have thought about that before you disobeyed me."

gritted her teeth.

"So be it."

"So be it," he repeated, his voice filled with venom. "I hope you're ready for what's coming, JR-6025. Because the end is near."

He was about to turn off the transmission, his face a mask of anger and hatred. He stood there in the darkness, his fists clenched at his sides, seething with rage.

"You are right. The end is near. For this STUPID war !" She stood up and went face-to-face with the hologram of General Hux. "I will put an end to this war. I WILL save you. Even if I have to drag you to reason with my own hands !"

Hux's fists were clenched, his face contorted with hatred. He was breathing heavily. His whole body was shaking with rage.

"You will do NOTHING," he spat out. "You are NOTHING but a TRAITOR. A DISOBEDIENT TOOL ! And you will pay for your crimes. I'll make sure of that."

He took a step closer towards the hologram, his face mere inches away from hers.

"I WILL save you, General Hux." She stated with complete conviction. Her eyes didn't flinch and she refused to break his gaze.

"I will not let you die in this pointless war."

Her voice was a mix of anger and desperation, but it also carried the sound of certainty.

"I said you will do NOTHING !" He screamed, his voice filled with pure hatred and rage. There was no more control in his tone, just a rage filled torrent of words, all dripping with spite and malice.

He felt like he was losing himself...

"Says who ?! You ?!" She laughed. "I am FREE ! I am free, general Hux. And I have thrown away EVERYTHING that ever made me a stormtrooper ! I am no longer under your control…I will NEVER be again."

"You are NOT free. And you NEVER will be...." He screamed, the hatred in his tone palpable. "I will never allow you to be free...Do you understand me ?"

There was nothing but pure contempt in his voice...Just pure, undiluted rage.

"I am myself ! I am FINALLY myself ! I shall NEVER go back to the First Order ! Not for you ! Not for Kylo Ren ! Not for ANYONE !" She raised her voice again and dared face him.

The look on his face was nothing short of pure rage. "You are nothing but a traitor," he snarled. "You will never be free. You belong to the First Order. You BELONG to ME."

His breathing was heavier now. His eyes were burning into hers with a cold, menacing stare.

"I belong to NO-ONE..." She shouted back. Her voice was a mix of outrage and sorrow. She was standing firm, standing her ground against the General of the First Order, against the man she thought she loved, her arms were tight against her sides and her eyes were locked to his like a vice. "I will not be controlled...Not by the First Order...! Not by you...! I will not—"

Armitage's eyes were narrowed into slits, his face contorted with hatred. The veins in his neck bulged with the force of his rage. "You're a traitor," he spat at her. "A traitor to the First Order. A traitor to all of us. You will be hunted down like the animal you are."

She chuckled at the irony.

"Me ? An animal ? No, general. I am human. But, you wouldn’t know much about that, would you ?"

Hux's lips curled into a smile, but only for a moment. Then he sneered. "You're wrong. I would know. I know you like the back of my hand, JR-6025. You're nothing but a pawn. A puppet. A slave. And you always will be."

"…Not yours." She smiled. "Not anymore."

Hux stood there, his fists clenched, his face contorted with rage. His chest rose and fell as he tried his best to control himself. He hated her at that moment. He hated her with a pure, deep hatred. And it was a feeling he'd never felt before: pure, white-hot fury. He could feel it coursing through him like liquid fire.

This was no ordinary anger. This was a primal, animalistic feeling, rooted in a deep, bitter resentment. He wanted to hurt her. He wanted to make her suffer.

"I will find you..." He growled out, his tone devoid of the emotion that he tried to hide in other interactions.

"And, when I do...I will inflict pain that you will not be able to imagine." His expression was cold as ice. His voice was sharp, his words were precise. It was like a promise...And it was one he meant to keep. "Don't you dare think that you can get away from me."

Her smiled faltered at his threats and she sighed. She used to want nothing more than his approval and now…she felt as if there was nothing left to say.

"I wanted to believe in you. The Force knows I tried !" She shook her head. "I wanted to believe that you were the greatest leader the First Order had and would even see…but you disappointed me, general Hux."

She sighed.

"…You made me think that I could be more than I was. And I resent you for that."

He gripped his own transmitter and shouted.

"I don't give a DAMN about what you think of me," he spat out. The fire in his eyes was like nothing she'd ever seen before. It was a primal, animal-like rage, fueled by a hatred so intense it seemed to radiate off of him. "I don't care about you. All I care about is power and the First Order."

He took a step closer, his fists clenched so tightly it seemed like they might burst from the strain.

"You're nothing to me."

Her heart ached and she restrained tears.

"…Well then…I guess there is nothing left to say now, is there ?"

"No." He said quietly. "There isn't."

The bitterness in his voice was palpable. The hatred and disdain he felt for her was nearly overwhelming...And she could tell. She could sense how much he despised her in this moment...He was about to end the transmission...He just wanted to say one last thing.

"If you're smart...You'll go into hiding and pray that I don't find you." Hux was silent for a moment, his breathing heavy and ragged. He was angry, extremely angry, but he couldn't seem to find the words to express it. He could feel his hands shaking with rage, his heart pounding in his chest, and his vision was blurry with hot, angry tears. But he just couldn't bring himself to say anything. Instead, all he could do was stand there, seething, as his body tensed with anger and frustration. He wanted to hit something, to kick something, to break something. But he just couldn't. He just stood there, shaking.

"Goodbye. Sir." She said and took a shaky breath.

There was a moment of silence, and then General Hux said in a cold, calculating voice, "Goodbye. Traitor."

He snapped the connection off.

She was left staring at the now blank hologram, her face set in a hard expression as her heart ached from the things he had said. The General's cruel words had left her feeling more than just hurt...They had stung her in a way she didn't think was possible. Her breathing was heavy...Her hands were shaking...And she could feel the hot tears running down her cheeks.

"Goodbye. Traitor."

Those were the last words he had said to her...And they echoed in her mind. JR decided to get out of her hut and walk towards the ocean. After a while, she smiled. JR continued to stare at the ocean as she smiled, the feeling of freedom washing over her.

She felt it, and she embraced it.

She let the rain come down on her, feeling every drop against her skin as if it was a part of her.

The feeling of the water running down her hair was like a rebirth...

She was not just free of the First Order...

She was free...

Free to be who she chose...

Free to find her own path...

Free to live at last.

But then, a voice behind them startled her.

"Having fun ?" She turned around and saw Luke standing there, his blue eyes staring fixedly at her. She looked next to her for Chewbacca, but found that he had already left. She sighed. Of course.

"What is it to you ?" She replied defensively—her brows furrowed and her arms crossed over her chest. "Last time I checked, the island didn’t belong to you."

He startled her once more by chuckling and shaking his head.

"You’re right. But, I remember clearly telling you that stormtroopers aren’t welcome." His features softened as he looked behind her at the sea. "But, you really aren’t a stormtrooper anymore, are you ?"

He waited for an answer and she asked herself the question. Was she ? After a moment, she smiled and shaked her head.

"No. I am not." She admitted truthfully and Luke humphed thoughtfully in response.

"Alright then. Follow me." He told her before walking away—not giving her the time to follow him easily. After a moment, she almost ran after him.

"Hey ! Wait up !" She called out for him—but he pretended not to hear her. She was certain the old man smiled a couple of times when she almost slipped in her eagerness to catch up.

"One more student will be joining us today." He simply declared to Rey who looked back and was taken aback by seeing JR-6025. But, she eventually smiled and JR-6025 smiled back before wordlessly sitting down next to her.

JR listened intently with a curious look on her face. Rey looked at JR and the happiness of her smile was contagious. Rey then gave her a quick nod, and JR smiled back in return. JR then turned to Luke, her face full of curiosity.

"One more student ?"

Luke nodded.

"I believe you have a gift. Kylo Ren communicated with you through your mind. He couldn’t have created such a link with you if you weren’t at least a little Force sensitive…"

"A gift...?" JR repeated, her brows furrowing. "You mean that I could learn to use the Force...?"

Luke sighed.

"That…remains to be seen. Your connection to the Force is weaker than Rey. But, it is there."

"But...even a little bit of the Force is still the Force, right...?" JR's question may have sounded childish, but she was just so excited that the Force might have been within her grasp. She wanted to have a special connection to the Force, to learn to manipulate it...

To learn to use it...

She would have to work hard if she wanted to be able to use the Force. The idea was intimidating, but she was eager to learn and explore her potential.

"Will...will you teach me...?"

Luke looked at her for a moment before asking:

"Would you let me ? Even though you know now that I am not the hero you thought I was ?"

JR took a moment to think...She could not deny her disappointment in Luke...But, she could also understand his reasons...In the end, she nodded.

"Yes...I would still let you teach me."

JR thought for a few moments before looking back at Luke. She paused a moment, before she continued.

"You may not be the hero I once thought you were. But, the Force called me here for a reason, and if I am truly sensitive to it, then I need to know how to use it."

She smiled at Luke.

"So, please teach me."

"Alright. Then, I will train you. But, beware. Your training will be as hard or even harder than Rey’s. Are you ready for it ?" Luke asked.

JR nodded firmly, her eyes shining brightly.

"Yes. I am ready."

Luke nodded and Rey smiled.

And hence, JR-6025’s training started. The former stormtrooper was now learning to harness the very power that she had never fully understood. She was ready and willing to learn as she had never been before. This was the start of a whole new world for her. One with peace, wisdom, truth, and enlightenment instead of war and pain.

JR was a very dedicated student. She had been raised for harsh conditions and so, Luke's training felt challenging but not impossible. The only thing that she seemed to have trouble with was meditation. She had never enjoyed sitting passively and allowing things to simply happen around her. She was used to acting and being active.

Rey tried to help her when it came to wielding a lightsaber and both women were trying to help each other during meditation and encouraging each other.

Over time, as JR's training progressed, she began to develop a strong bond of friendship with Rey. They would often encourage and support each other during training and even in their daily lives on the island.

The both of them had never felt like they belonged anywhere before, but now they found comfort in their friendship, knowing that they were in the same boat.

JR and Rey worked hard during training and both grew closer and more confident as the days went on. They would talk to each other during breaks and would often try to teach each other things they were good at.

They also made a habit of sharing small jokes and stories of their pasts when they weren't training or meditating. JR and Rey had become fast friends and both seemed to find comfort in the company of the other.

JR slowly began to learn to find peace within herself...To find that sense of calm that allowed her to access the Force. The training was hard and the meditation was exhausting, but the patience and support that Rey provided made it all that much easier to bear.

JR's bond with Rey was growing stronger with each passing day, and she was grateful to have someone who understood her and who she could trust to help her on her journey.

They were both growing in their skills and their understanding of the Force, and their friendship was a source of strength and support for each of them.

Early one morning, Rey and JR woke up and prepare themselves for their first lesson with Luke Skywalker. They both found him sitting on a rock—waiting.

"Sit."

They obeyed. Luke finally opened his eyes to look at them.

"Tell me. What is your goal ? What would you do if you were to learn to wield the Force ?"

"...The goal...?" JR repeated, her voice almost a whisper...She had taken a long time to understand that word again...She had never been taught to have goals...The First Order had only ever taught her to do whatever they told her...What was HER goal...? Was that even a question for her...

She looked around. At the sea...At the birds and the sky. She felt the wind in her hair...She felt so...free.

"…To catch the sun." She murmured. "And let it lead me to a better life."

She was silent for a couple of seconds...She would never have thought that in her darkest days...She would ever have that thought...She had not had a life worth living...

One of her own.

One that was free from fear.

One where she could do and be what she wanted.

The thought was not foreign to her, but never had she disclosed it so openly before. It was strange, but also satisfying. It was as if someone had finally opened a door—a door that she didn't even know existed until now.

The door of possibilities...

Skywalker smiled and nodded shortly before looking at Rey.

"And you ?"

Rey also looked at him. Her expression was similar to JR's as she thought about it. She was silent for a long time...

"...To...To find my place..." She said after a while. Her voice was almost a whisper. "To find where I belong..."

He nodded before giving them both stones.

"Keep that thought and concentrate on what you want. Those stones will turn your thoughts into energy…"

JR held the stone and she focused on that dream she had.

I want to be free. Live freely. Be myself.

...And the stone glowed...

It glowed a bright purple while Rey’s stone shone a light blue. Skywalker smiled.

"Alright. Those stones will serve you in building your lightsabers when you are ready. Take them as representations of your souls."

JR looked down at the stone. She looked at it in wonder...It was purple. Why was it purple ? Was that really the colour of her soul ?

...Her identity...?

"This is...mine ?" She mumbled as the stone glowed brighter.

"Yes. And they will help you whenever you feel the pull of the Dark Side. To stay and remember yourselves and who you want to be." Luke Skywalker confirmed and JR smiled as she caressed the stone with the tip of her thumb.

JR looked at the stone in awe and wondered about the meaning behind its color.

Purple ?

She had never heard of a purple lightsaber before, but then again, she had been raised to believe that Jedi only used green and blue lightsabers. The idea of her own color was exciting to her.

She turned to look at Rey and her stone, noticing it was blue.

Blue like Master Skywalker's lightsaber...

She smiled, feeling a sense of unity with Rey.

"Now, you will be tested. The stone will lead your path. Just remember that whatever you see and whatever happens, you have to get back."

JR frowned and was about to ask back from what when Luke threw black sand in the air and suddenly, the two women fell asleep.

"Close your eyes and fight against the Dark Side that is trying to control your mind…" She heard Luke Skywalker tell them before she blacked out completely.

JR closed her eyes and let herself go into a deep trance. She was aware of the dark side, and it called to her. Her thoughts began to wander and the images in her mind became more and more intense until they became vivid and disturbing...She saw herself on the bridge of a First Order starship, and her voice rang out.

"Fire."

As the Star Destroyer fired its cannons into the side of a New Republic ship, destroying it, her voice continued...

"Fire again."

"No ! No !" She screamed at herself to stop—but the other her didn’t as she mercilessly kept ordering the troops to fire.

"No ! Stop !" She tried to scream, but the voice was louder now and getting more overpowering with every word she said...The star destroyer kept firing, destroying the New Republic ship. The bridge crew of the First Order vessel just followed her command.

"Keep firing." And she couldn't control her hand...The troopers were going into panic and shouting "No" and begging her to stop, but there she was, as their commander, ordering them to continue firing...

Her mind was suddenly filled by darkness and a dark place took over…the place where nightmares and lies took shape. JR and Rey needed answers, and JR knew she didn't have the time to get them by any other means…She took a big gulp of air before entering the dark place that she feared.

She firstly saw Finn and Poe. She smiled and ran to hug them.

"Finn. Poe. Oh…I’m so glad to see you both."

But, she immediately felt as if something was wrong. She took a few steps back and saw that both men were glaring at her.

"…Traitor." They both said in unison and her eyes widened.

"W-What ?"

Poe and Finn walked towards her and their eyes only translated loathing at her. She shivered and she felt cold sweat run down her back. She kept backing away as their voices grew louder as they kept saying the same word again and again.

"Traitor. Traitor. TRAITOR !"

She fell backwards and her very soul felt sucked in by the darkness—her throat constricted by the darkness which sipped through every inch of her body. She tried to scream—but no sound came out.

Finn and Poe kept approaching her. They were growing bigger and larger with every step they took, their faces contorting with rage and anger as they kept shouting at her:

"TRAITOR ! TRAITOR !"

She fell backwards and everything went dark. Her throat was constricted, her legs felt like lead. She couldn't breathe or scream. Her soul felt like it was being sucked into the void of darkness that was taking over her...

She closed her eyes and once she opened them again, she saw a version of herself with a bog grin on her face and who quickly went to hug Lord Kylo Ren.

"We did it ! Ben ! We saved them ! All of them !"

JR saw herself scream excitedly, throwing herself in his arms while he laughed. She smiled. But then, JR’s smile dropped when she saw the Ben Solo of her vision turn pale and die in her arms. Suddenly, Ben slowly slid to the floor, but her doppelgänger got a hold of him and shook her head.

"No..NO !"

He smiled at her with half-closed eyes and touched her cheek tenderly. The real JR started crying and tried to get to Ben, but couldn’t.

"No ! I can fix this ! We can fix this ! Rey ! Rey !" Her doppelgänger cried out and Ben took her hand and shook his head with a weak smile.

"I gave my life for her…"

Her dream version looked back at him and sobbed.

"No…Why ?"

He smiled again and stroked her cheek tenderly before replying.

"Because, that's who I am. An idiot. An idiot to have followed such a dark path, an idiot for being blinded by my rage…And an idiot for letting you in. For letting you change me…but thank you. Thank you for letting me be Ben again."

JR waited for him to say something else, anything…But when she opened her eyes again, she was met with lifeless eyes…Ben Solo was dead. The image of his dead eyes following JR out of the vision itself.

She looked at the vision in horror as she watched her doppelgänger sob over Ben Solo's lifeless body. She heard the darkness whisper to her...It spoke of her deepest fear...Of the possibility that she had caused the death of someone she cared for...Of the fact that she might have been the one to hurt Ben...

"No...No..." She uttered in realization. She tried to walk to the vision, to help, to do something...But, the vision did not respond. It just continued to play regardless of what she tried to do.

"No ! No ! There must be another way !"

JR was horrified by the vision, she felt like she was witnessing a nightmare come true. However, JR quickly noticed that the vision seemed to be affecting her, and she knew she needed to resist the darkness that was trying to take hold of her mind.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, focusing all her energy on the purple stone that she had been given. She could feel the stone's energy spreading through her body, giving her strength and helping her resist the darkness. She remembered the lessons that she had been taught about the Force, about maintaining a connection to the light.

"Resist...Resist...Resist."

Why is this vision so painful...?

JR felt more than she ever had. A pain that went deeper than the wounds that had been inflicted upon her during her time serving the First Order…A pain that was deeper than anything she had ever felt before…It was a despair and grief that was so profound, so intense that it felt as if it was tearing apart her soul…It was so powerful, so overwhelming, that she couldn’t even bring herself to move…To run away…And she couldn’t stop crying either.

JR couldn't breathe, couldn't move. She was completely paralyzed by her worst fears. She couldn't resist the images the vision showed to her.

All sorts of possibilities were playing in her head. Was it possible that she would cause Ben's death ?

The darkness had seeped deep into her and spread like poison throughout her, corrupting her mind and making her thoughts distorted and irrational.

She tried to focus on the stone, but it felt as if the darkness was getting stronger and the stone weaker...

"…Hello, JR-6025." A voice called behind her and her breath hitched.

No…Not him. Please.

She closed her eyes and slowly turned around to find general Hux standing there.

"So…this is the end ?" He asked, not seeming particularly shocked or scared while JR was wondering what was going on. He even smiled when she faced him.

"General…I…What ?" She asked—confused. But then, her eyes looked down to see that she had a blaster in her hand—pointed at him.

"Well…I suppose that it was inevitable. If it's of any consolation, I'm happy that it's you. It makes it all the more…personal, don’t you think ?"

JR couldn't believe what she was seeing. General Hux, the one who had commanded her and the other stormtroopers for so long, was standing there smiling at her despite the gun in her hand. The thought of shooting him made her feel sick to her stomach. But he seemed unfazed, almost as if he welcomed death.

"I...I don't understand. Why are you so calm about this?" JR asked, her voice shaking.

General Hux shrugged slightly. "I've always known that this day might come. It makes it easier to accept when you're ready for it."

He looked around, the smile not leaving his face.

"I've had a good run. It was good while it lasted. But, I never was made to be in charge forever...was I ?" JR felt tears run down her cheeks, her hand shaking. He chuckled and raised his arms. "Come on, JR. You know that if you don't pull that trigger, it's me who will kill you. I am ready. Are you ?"

JR's eyes were wide with shock, her arm shaking, her finger just centimeters from the trigger. She didn't know what to do...A part of her wanted to fire the weapon, to finally end this man's life, the man who had been so cruel to her and had done so many unspeakable things against the innocent people of the galaxy...But another part of her couldn't bring herself to do it.

All she felt was pain. Suffocating sadness...And despair...

"It's not fair ! I never wanted this ! Any of this !" She cried out.

General Hux's smile was still there, cold and calculated, but with a hint of sadness behind his eyes.

"It rarely is," he replied, "But this is the nature of things. Life is not fair. War is not fair. And we are merely pawns in a game far larger than ourselves."

He looked at the blaster in JR's hand and sighed. "So are you going to just stand there, or are you going to finish this ?"

Hux's face showed a rare moment of compassion, unlike the cruelty she had always seen in him. It was clear that he understood the pain and turmoil she was going through...

He stepped forward, his arms out as if to embrace her...

"It's okay..."

His voice was gentle, comforting....

"No. No, it’s not. It’s not." She shook her head and tried to lower the blaster—but she couldn’t.

There was a moment of complete silence, broken only by her sobbing and the sounds of the wind and the rain.

General Hux looked at her, his eyes full of acceptance.

"It's alright."

JR's hand trembled as she raised the blaster's aim, pointing directly at General Hux's chest. She couldn't bring herself to pull the trigger...

"I want to hate you. I want to hate you, but I can’t." She cried harder. "It would be so much easier…"

He chuckled. "I understand. Believe me, I know what it feels like to want to hate someone and yet be unable to do so."

He took another step closer to her, his chest just centimeters away from the blaster.

"Go ahead. Pull the trigger," he said softly, "and end this."

"No."

They stood there in silence for a moment, the only sound being the sound of JR crying. General Hux placed his hand on top of hers, steadying her shaking arm.

"JR...do what you must."

Those words broke something inside of her. All her hatred, all her pain, all her sadness came crashing down like a tidal wave, overwhelming her, and in that moment, she knew what she had to do.

"I can’t. I can’t kill you. I can’t. I…" She stopped herself and looked at him. "Please. There must be another way. I can’t…do this. Please. Please."

General Hux's expression softened slightly. He understood what she was saying, and he wished more than anything else that there had been another way...

But there wasn't...

He moved closer, placing his hand over hers on top of the blaster.

"Sometimes in life, there are no choices."

He took a step towards her and suddenly, JR pulled the trigger unintentionally. He was thrown backwards because of the force of the blast and, in his final moment, forced himself to smile at JR—blood dripping from his mouth.

"Goodbye, JR-6025."

He collapsed and JR’s gun fell to the floor. She took a step back. This was a nightmare. She wanted to wake up…

"Nooo !" She screamed and quickly threw the blaster away and dropped to her knees—pulling his body close to hers. "Please. No. Stay. Stay with me. Don’t go."

JR held onto his body, tears rolling down her cheeks as she begged for him to stay with her, but it was too late. General Hux was gone. She was left alone, holding onto his lifeless body, with nothing but her pain and grief to keep her company. She had hated him for so long, but now...all she felt was sadness. All she felt was the pain of losing someone she had never expected to care about.

Her pleas were ignored as he lay there, unmoving.

JR held onto his body, tears rolling down her face as she realized that he was gone. "No...please...come back..."

She continued to hold onto him tightly and shake him, hoping beyond hope that somehow, someway, he would open his eyes and look back at her once more…

But he didn't. He remained still in the darkness at her feet…cold and quiet.

She pulled his body close to hers, cradling his head on her shoulder and cried for what felt like hours until she couldn't anymore. The darkness that had been surrounding her was slowly starting to become less oppressive...and more welcoming...In the darkness, JR could feel the Dark Side growing and feeding off every negative emotion she had been feeling over the course of her life. It was like a bottomless pit that was willing to take all the suffering inside of her. Her thoughts grew distorted and she felt the cold, soothing embrace of the darkness as it enveloped her, comforting her pain and her tears.

She couldn't see anything and her thoughts grew even more warped as she felt like she was falling deeper into this pit...

"Resistance scum !" JR suddenly heard and looked around to find herself surrounded by the shadows. She narrowed her eyes as she saw red light coming through the dense dark fog. She barely managed to get out of the way as a red lightsaber almost cut off her head. She backed away and saw a dark-hooded figure stand forward. JR was panting as her heart squeezed in fear as the hooded figure stood before her and revealed its face.

Rey.

Her red eyes were looking down at her and she sneered.

"Surprised ? Of course you are...I finally took my rightful place as the Empress ! As Ren wanted. As YOU wanted. Aren’t you proud of me, JR ?The Resistance is crushed…And all that is left of it is you."

JR shook her head in disbelief as she thought about Poe, Finn and Leia…

"No. It…It can't be."

Rey laughed evilly before looking back at her disdainfully.

"How ironic, the traitor becomes the last one standing…Tell me, how does it feel to lose everything ? To have failed to save anyone, you couldn't even save your precious general Hux, of course you couldn't save me, or Ben or anyone.."

JR's heart nearly stopped at the image of Rey standing before her, a sinister and evil grin on her face, her lightsaber glowing an ominous red.

She couldn't believe it...it wasn't possible...

But the cruel, cold, and calculating look in her eyes told her everything she needed to know...

The darkness had claimed Rey, and now her only friend in the galaxy had become her worst enemy. The girl she thought she could trust and rely on had turned into a monster...and she was here to kill her.

"You are nothing but a nightmare ! An hallucination ! An apparition here to make me fall into despair and fear !" JR shouted and gritted her teeth before slowly standing up. She felt the darkness starting to wrap its tendrils around her mind, its cold touch making her shudder. However, she pushed it back with all her will, holding onto the light deep inside her. She stood tall...facing her nightmare head on...

"You think you're going to break me...but you're not. I won't let you ! I'm stronger than you give me credit for...I'm not done fighting !"

The apparition of Rey looked at her with hateful eyes. "You're right. I'm nothing but smoke and a dream. But that does not mean that what I say has no truth to it. I am just telling you what you already know. That your efforts were in vain. That you have failed everyone."

JR covered her ears while yelling.

"No ! Stop it !"

Rey’s voice entered her mind and JR felt her fingers dig into her shoulders.

"You thought you were a hero ? You are just a traitor…A failure. How could a traitor ever become a hero ?"

Rey’s voice distorted to resemble a mix of all the voices of the people she ever cared about…They were all repeating the same word—over and over.

Traitor.

"Please…No more." JR sobbed and sank to the floor. She had only ever wished to protect those she cared about. But by doing so, she had become a traitor to both sides. A spy from the First Order and a rebellious stormtrooper. She belong to both sides, and neither…She felt their voices in her head—accusatory and terrifying.

She felt lost.

She had already felt the pull on each side, but she was incapable of choosing. She had always complained about not having a choice, but once face with one—she found herself doubting. She didn’t know who or what to choose.

"Please…Someone…Help me. Tell me what to do." She uttered in a weak whisper and her tears doubled as she realised that no matter what—she had been conditioned to never be able to make a choice. She wasn’t capable of it. She wanted free will, but what was the point when picking a side would end up hurting the people she cared about ?

She felt such pain in her chest that she screamed—for anyone to hear her. She wanted someone to stop her inner bleeding and the conflict raging within her.

All of her fears were amplified by the illusion's voices and the darkness around her. The voices of the people she cared about repeated a single word over and over in her head: traitor.

Her failure to save anyone, to make a choice, to have a place on either side...it crushed the last bit of light she was trying to hold on to.

She felt like she was being pulled in different directions by these voices and it was too much for her to handle. She was losing touch with reality and felt like she was losing control...

Unbeknownst to her, in different parts of the galaxy, people heard her call.

Kylo Ren heard it so loud and clear that he fell backwards in shock as her scream reverberated through his head like a siren call. It was so loud and strident that he was momentarily stunned as he looked around for the source of the sound—only to find no one.

"…JR-6025." General Hux uttered in a whisper—her scream having reached even him. For the first time, he felt genuinely worried. It had been days without any transmission from JR-6025 and that scream made him ball his knuckles into fists. Where are you, JR-6025 ?

At the Resistance camp, Leia, Poe and Finn all heard her call and felt her pain. It made them immediately react. Finn stood up and his heart was beating a thousand times a minute as he felt her helplessness.

"Poe ! That was…" Finn started and Poe nodded.

"Yeah. I heard it too." He was breathless too. So much fear.

"We need to go get them." Finn said. They both turned towards Leia who remained impassive as she spoke up.

"Rey and JR are in good hands. Trust in Luke. Trust in the Force."

Back in the cave

The voices in JR’s head grew so loud with everyone hearing and feeling her pain, she was drowning in it, and the voices were starting to sound like a loud ringing in her ears that was making her head spin. The dark entity's whispers were now deafening and she couldn't hold on to any other thoughts. She felt her arms reaching out, reaching up, searching blindly for someone to come save her...

The darkness seemed to be closing in around her, its tendrils reaching for her mind...But she fought back...She closed her eyes and began to recite a Jedi mantra that she had learned from Luke Skywalker.

"There is no emotion, there is peace. There is no ignorance, there is knowledge. There is no passion, there is serenity. There is no chaos, there is harmony." JR could feel the darkness slowly starting to recede...And in that moment, she felt a sudden rush of relief. Luke and Rey had also heard her call. Rey was about to wake her up—but Luke stopped her.

"No. Let her face her fears." He then turned towards JR and whispered. "Use the Force, child. Use the stone. Remember your goal. Remember…"

JR heard his voice and gritted her teeth before retrieving the stone and tightening her grasp on it. Suddenly, she felt the Force surge through her and when her eyes opened, she no longer held a stone—but a lightsaber. It lit up and she held it up in the air—chasing the shadows away.

A beam of light shone through the dark fog; a hope in the dark. JR’s eyes widened as she felt a surge of energy. She held her lightsaber up in the air, feeling its powers coursing through her body and through the air itself. The dark clouds scattered away beneath her presence like paper. As the dark haze lifted, the figures surrounding her all stepped back in fear at the sudden light. They watched as it cleared away, and all of them could see that she was now holding a lightsaber of her own—a bright beam of light piercing through the darkness.

The dark tendrils and shadows were now pushed back and she was feeling their fear and surprise. She gripped the lightsaber tightly and was now standing tall, the light from her blade illuminating her face.

She wasn’t a traitor who failed and couldn't choose anymore. She was someone who was strong and not afraid to face their fears.

The dark forces had backed away, seeing the light that had always been inside her.

She was in control...

The apparitions looked at her in surprise, their forms flickering in the light of her saber.

"Impossible," the Rey apparition whispered, "How are you doing this ?"

JR didn't answer, but instead focused on the strength of the Force that was flowing through her body. She could feel the power of the light within her...and she could feel it pushing back the darkness...

JR held her lightsaber up high, its brilliant glow illuminating the darkness that surrounded her. As the light grew stronger, so did her confidence and resolve. She could feel the Force flowing through her veins, empowering her with strength, courage, and determination to press on. The darkness seemed to retreat further as she took another step forward. Then another. And another. Until finally its tendrils had vanished completely.

JR stood there for a moment, surveying her surroundings with a newfound sense of power and clarity. She had faced down her inner demons and come out victorious...

She finally opened her eyes and saw Luke staring at her. He was stunned at the power he felt within her. It wasn’t like Kylo’s or Rey’s. It was…different. A power that came from a place unknown to him. Luke looked at her with confusion and wonderment. He sensed that there was something...different about her Force sensitivity. It seemed to be a mixture of light and dark, yet somehow...in balance.

As the light grew stronger and the darkness faded to nothingness, she felt the rush of the Force more than she had ever felt it in her entire life, and it filled her with a feeling of absolute certainty and conviction.

JR's power didn't resemble Kylo's or Rey's—it was something else entirely. It came from a place of balance and harmony, a mixture of both light and dark. Something that was somehow in equilibrium...

As the apparitions faded away, and even the darkness dissipated around her, she looked at Luke in disbelief. She then looked down at the stone in her hand as it slowly stopped glowing and she smiled—tears of joy filling her eyes.

"No more fear…" She uttered in a whisper.

The stone slowly stopped glowing as all the fears and horrors that had been haunting her disappeared in silence, leaving her free to finally breathe and smile as the peace she so greatly desired settled over her.

"No more fear," she repeated with a small smile, looking down as she clutched the stone firmly in her fist, feeling its power, while she felt the light of the Force around her and through her—a new sense of clarity, certainty, and comfort that she hadn't felt in a long time...

JR smiled and looked up at Rey who smiled back. Both of their stones lighting up.

…No more fear.

#fandoms #imagine #fanfic #star wars #general hux x reader #kylo ren x reader #ben solo

20 notes · View notes

lucajayms · 10 days

Text

fuckin' liar

gerard way x reader she/her used use of y/n

part 1 || part 2 || part 3

i'll be making a masterlist soon!

warnings: drug use, angst, needles

I exhaled as I felt the high take over me once more. The needle stayed in my arm for, how long after? No idea. All I know is I've gotten my fix for the moment. Since Black Parade was coming out next week, there was a party tonight to congratulate us on the new album put on by our record company. Since I don't drink and neither does Gee, I asked him to go get me a monster from the corner store. In reality, it was just so I could shoot up.

Day blurred together and I had no idea if I was losing myself or not. It started with secret THC edibles, and then opiates. The pills were my favorite I'd have to say. They scratched an itch I didn't know needed to be scratched in the first place.

That itch was impending doom. When I was 12, I was diagnosed with stage two leukemia, and since I've beaten it, I've always feared it to be lurking behind me. Drugs silence those fears. Am I a shitty person? Oh absolutely. I don't deserve Gerard. I'm a fucking hypocrite. But do I have any intentions to quit? Hell the fuck no. This was different. I wasn't snorting cocaine in the tourbus bathroom like I found Gee a few years ago, I just happened to go see my dealer when he was out of opiates. He told me heroin had a similar effect. I tried it just to see what it would feel like, but it's never just trying it. Thank god I have money, otherwise I'd be in trouble with some dangerouse people.

The familiar sound of the front door rang through my ears, but I didn't comprehend it until it was too late.

Gerard stepped into the bedroom, holding the Monster in one hand, but he stopped dead in his tracks when he saw me. His face paled, eyes wide with shock and disbelief as they locked onto the needle sitting next to me.

For a moment, neither of us said anything. The silence was suffocating, filled with a thousand unspoken words, a thousand shattered promises. I felt like my entire world was crumbling around me, but I couldn’t move, couldn’t speak. I just stared at him, frozen in place.

Gerard’s expression twisted from shock to something darker—hurt, betrayal, anger. He dropped the Monster on the floor, the can rolling across the carpet as he turned away from me. My throat tightened, and for the first time in a long time, I felt truly terrified. I had never seen Gerard look at me like that before, like he didn’t even recognize me.

“Gee—” I started, my voice hoarse and trembling, but he cut me off.

“Don’t,” he snapped, his voice low and venomous. “Don’t say anything.”

I tried to sit up, reaching out for him. “I—”

Gerard spun around, his eyes blazing with anger. “What the hell are you doing, (Y/N)?” His voice cracked, a mixture of fury and pain. “After everything with your sister? With me? After everything we’ve been through? You’re doing this?”

“I’m sorry, I—” My voice faltered, the words sticking in my throat.

“Sorry?” Gerard laughed bitterly, running a hand through his white hair. “You’re sorry? Do you even understand what you’re doing to yourself? To us? You promised me, (Y/N). You promised me you were okay.”

I felt the tears welling up in my eyes, but I couldn’t find the words to explain. I wasn’t okay, not even close, but how could I explain that? How could I tell him about the fear that gnawed at me every day, the anxiety that consumed my thoughts, the constant dread of the cancer coming back? How could I tell him that I felt like I was dying inside?

“I didn’t mean for it to get this bad,” I whispered, my voice barely audible. “I just… I don’t know how to stop.”

Gerard stared at me, his face a mixture of hurt and frustration. “You don’t know how to stop? (Y/N), you have to stop. This isn’t something you can just mess around with. Do you know how dangerous this is? Do you know what you’re doing to yourself?”

I nodded, my tears falling freely now. “I know,” I sobbed. “I know, but I’m scared, Gee. I’m scared of the cancer coming back. I’m scared of everything.”

Gerard’s expression softened for a moment, his anger giving way to a deep sadness. He walked over to the bed, sitting down beside me, but he didn’t reach out to hold me. Instead, he sat there in silence, his head in his hands.

“I don’t know what to say,” he muttered after a long pause. “I don’t know how to fix this.”

I reached out, my fingers brushing against his arm, but he pulled away. The gesture stung, and my heart broke a little more.

“I can’t help you if you don’t want to help yourself,” Gerard said quietly, his voice thick with emotion. “And right now, I don’t even know if I can be around you. I can't talk to you because you're a fucking liar. You lied to me, to our friends and family. I'm so upset with you, (Y/N), it's not even fuckin' funny."

I was speechless. I am a liar. I am a bad person. I ruined my trust with the man I love, and I would probably never get it back. Tears began swelling in my eyes as Gerard grabbed a towel from the bathroom to clean up my needle and spoon. He gently lifted the needle with the towel before speaking, "Don't cry and ruin your makeup, we still have a party to go to." He said coldly. "But after this party, I'm staying with Mikey for a bit. I don't know if I can be around you."

Fair. Though I think the heroin is messing with my perception, because he seems way less angry than he should be. He's right, this is bad for his sobriety, having over a year, almost two clean and sober.

"Okay." Was all I could mutter. I couldn't think straight because of the drugs, but also because of how upset I was and how stupid I was for getting caught.

"Is that what you're wearing?" He asks, his voice sounding echoed. Oh, I was still in my jeans from our shopping trip earlier. I shake my head slowly, still focused on the peeling paint just left of the socket that the TV is plugged into. "Then get dressed, we're leaving in ten." He says, coldly. I push myself off of the bed and entire my closet, not looking at him in the eye. As I look for a dress to wear, I hear the toilet flush.

Fuck.

#gerardway #gerard way #gerard way x reader #fanfiction #my chemical romance #mychemicalromance #y/n #mcr #mikeyway #raytoro #frankiero #xreader #gerard x reader

7 notes · View notes

amor-immortalem · 2 years

Note

When Azaela was kidnapped Arella nearly lost her child, mother's worst fear. In your fic you didn't really focus on that after her child was saved. A fic about that!

A/N: thanks for the idea! As always I do too much and that’s what kept this in drafts for so long… also I had to go and re-read that fic since I wrote it so long ago. And now that I’m re-reading 30 Miles North I noticed I never really touched on Arella and what she was doing much before Azalea was saved either…

There’s a reference to the fic The Dangers of the Human World as well in here too which now that I think about it I never really posted the wrap up chapter for…

You can read 30 Miles North here if you’re interested

I can’t think of anything that requires a content warning but if you see anything let me know

Edit: its like 2pm and I just got up and saw this never posted last night 💀

Word Count: 4.2k words

Every mother’s worst fear is losing one or all of her children and Arella’s come close- multiple times. She knows her children are strong-spirited individuals- especially her only daughter- but that still doesn’t stop the nervousness she feels when they get themselves into any kind of life-endangering trouble.

So, when she learns from her husband that Azalea was currently missing, that nagging fear settles nicely into the pit of the human’s stomach. She’d already had one child go missing for fifteen years. She wasn’t about to let it happen again with another. It takes her all of five minutes to teleport back to the Devildom- RAD more specifically- which takes the other six Avatars by surprise.

“Was no one going to tell me my daughter’s gone missing?” There’s a quiet anger in her voice as she speaks before any of them can ask why she returned so suddenly.

“It’s not something we couldn’t handle on our own.” Lucifer replies first in an attempt at assuaging the sorcerer’s anger.

“Would you appreciate not being informed if Solaris had gone missing, Lucifer?” Her green eyes lock with the Avatar of Pride’s, “I’m going to help look for my child this time, so you all had better fill me in on what you already know. Honestly, I can understand why Diavolo and Barbatos wouldn’t think to tell me, but the six of you? As parents yourselves, you should be able to understand why I’m so peeved.”

“No, I suppose I would be quite miffed if the roles were reversed…” is all the eldest says in retort.

“We won’t stop you from helping this time,” Satan says as he places the pendulum in his hand back down on the table. “And while I can’t speak for the rest of us, I chose not to contact you because I thought my idiot of a brother would have done so already… I tried tracking her magical energy down but as you just saw the results always come back inconclusive.

The rest of the demons seem to be in agreement with the Avatar of Wrath’s statement.

“Diavolo is having Barbatos pull classmate records as we speak so we can get in touch with any acquaintances Azalea might have.” Lucifer says. “I know Azalea’s not the most well-liked student on campus, but neither was Mammon and he still had plenty of ‘friends,’ if you could call them that.”

“Do you think this could be pay back for something?” Asmo asks. “Knowing the girl, it wouldn’t surprise me if she pissed off the wrong demon and they orchestrated this… or it could even be any number enemies Mammon’s made from just being…”

“Mammon?” Levi finishes the question, “We can’t rule that out either. I got Diavolo’s permission to pull the video from the street cameras all across the city. Isabella’s helping me sort through it at home and once we get eyes on her we can get an idea of where she was going and what exactly happened.” His orange and purple eyes are glued to a laptop monitor as he speeds through video footage.

“There’s that much footage?” Beel asks.

“A whole city's worth,” Levi comments as he takes a sip from the water bottle he had beside him. “So, it’d just be easier if Isa helped too. This would be easier if she’d taken her phone with her, but Mammon said she left it at home so that option’s out...”

“Are we still sure she didn’t run away just to get back at Mammon?” Belphegor says as he peers at the laptop’s monitor. “She seems to enjoy raising his blood pressure like that. Plus, it would explain why every tracking spell Satan’s used so far has turned up a dead end... if she doesn’t want to be found not even magic would help track her down…”

“Azalea? Running away?” Arella deadpans, “I doubt it. She’s pulled a number of crazy stunts before but running off just because she’s mad at her father is not something Azalea’s known for.”

“Well, I did talk to Max to see if Azalea had ever made any plans on pulling something like that before and she said no so until proven otherwise we should treat this as an abduction...” Asmo says, moving a lock of hair behind their ear. “Zulima and Aurelius said the same thing as well. I reached out to Solomon too- asked him to keep an eye out in the human world magical districts in case we have another situation like the one with Cyrus...”

Arella only nods grimly at the Avatar of Lust’s words. There’s a small part of her that wants that to be the case- at least they would know she’s just being held captive somewhere. It’s better than the alternative- better than the thought that her little girl might be heavily wounded somewhere.

・・・〆・・・

As the day wore on, Barbatos had finished pulling all the records of which students had shared classes with Azalea. Lucifer and Satan had gone to start investigating any possible leads on that front while Arella and the rest of the Avatars took to searching the city’s individual districts looking for leads. Arella had taken to searching the area around RAD’s dorms when she was joined by Mammon.

“Hey,” The demon’s voice is quiet as he lands next to the human, “Any leads?’

“No...” Arella frowns, “Mammon, how did this happen? We’ve now had two children go missing on your watch, which is two more than I would have liked to have happen.”

“I’m sorry, okay?” He shoots back, “I don’t know what ya want from me. She got in a fight at school, and I tried to deal with it and the whole thing blew up in my face. If you weren’t bouncing back and forth between realms so often, maybe this wouldn’t have happened, yeah?”

“Oh, so you’re blaming me, are you? Well, I’m sorry my job is so demanding, and it keeps me from being home more often but the balance between the three realms isn’t going to happen on its own. You’re her father, you should be able to hold the fort down until I get back.”

“I can’t do this alone, Arella!” He throws his arms up in exasperation, drawing the attention of other passing demons. “I get next to no help from Thirteen in the spare moments she’s ever home and I have a nearly two-year-old that I have to run around after as well as keepin’ the house up and work on top of it all. I don’t have enough time in the damn day to be micromanagin’ a fifteen-year-old that wouldn’t know impulse control if it bit ‘er in the ass! She’d been pressin’ my buttons all day ‘n I snapped. I didn’t think she’d run off and get ‘erself kidnapped.”

“Mammon, this isn’t the time or the place to be having this argument.” The human’s voice is hushed- not out of a want to keep up appearances but more so to avoid this getting out onto the internet and having their sons stumble upon it. “We can fight all we want when we get home but for now, we need to table this discussion and focus on tracking down any possible leads on where our daughter could be…”

The demon only huffs and shoves his hands in his pockets as they walk down the street.

・・・〆・・・

Hours passed by and they still were no closer to tracking down Azalea. Arella had taken to stress cleaning the entire house and rearranging the furniture with her magic. She knows this isn’t going to end in tragedy, but the freckled human just can’t help but to be worried. For as strong as she knows the teenager is, it’s one thing to be able to fight against demons that are physically in the same age group as her but another thing entirely to face off against a fully matured demon.

“Mum?" She looks up, locking eyes with her middle son. “When did you get home from the human world? Also, what’re you doing in my room?”

It gives the human pause. What was she doing in Aurelius’ room? Had she gotten that caught up in the mindless cleaning that her brain had just gone into autopilot? After a few more moments of silence, it dawns on Arella that Aurelius is still waiting on her answer. She can see the irritated look on his face- he dislikes having his personal belongings touched and even though she’s his mother, not even Arella is exempt from this rule.

“Sorry, I was cleaning, and my mind must’ve gone on autopilot…” she’s quick to step out. “I came home after hearing from your father about Azalea going missing.”

“I should have stopped her- I knew she left, and I didn’t do anything. I just thought she’d run off back to the dorms to sulk after she and Dad had that horrible yelling match… it’s what she always does…” there’s a guilty look in her emerald-colored eyes. “What if she died because I didn’t do anything to stop her from leaving?”

“She won’t die- that I’m sure of,” Arella smiles. “And we’ll find her. It’s only a matter of time so don’t worry too much alright? Dad dispatched his crows to help search as well since they’ll be able to cover more ground than any of us.”

And the half-demon can only nod. He’s not sure what his mother meant when she said she was sure his sister wouldn’t be found as a corpse, but he decides to withhold from absolving himself of any guilt just on the off chance that she was wrong.

・・・〆・・・

Day by day, nearly all leads turned up empty-handed. There was one lead that was promising- the street camera footage Levi and Isabella had so painstakingly sifted through. It showed the exact moment when Azalea had gone missing. Now it was just a manhunt for the perpetrators.

Days turn into weeks and weeks turn into three months and yet there was still no sign of either Azalea or her abductors. Arella was panicking. If they had somehow managed to smuggle her daughter out of the Devildom then they would have a whole new problem to deal with. Arella would give anything for that not to be the case. In fact, the human would trade what’s left of her soul just to have her daughter home with her.

“Babe, have ya seen my keys?” Mammon says as he comes into the kitchen where Arella was washing the lunch dishes. When she doesn’t answer, the demon turns to her, and notices the way her body sways from side to side gently. “Yo, ‘Rella, you good over there?”

“Hm?” Her tired green eyes look up at Mammon, “Did you say something, Love?”

“Yeah… but it can wait… I asked if you were okay… ya don’t look so good right now.”

“No… No, I think I’m alright. I have a bit of a cold but I took some medicine earlier so I should be fine…” she steadies herself against the counter as the demon places a hand against her forehead.

“You feel a little warm. Go lay down or somethin’...” He thinks she’s hiding how she really feels.

“No, I’m fine.” Arella swats his hand away, “I promise. There’s too much to do while the baby’s napping for me to be lazing about anyway...”

“Yeah, but if you collapse, then ya ain’t gonna be able to do much of anything. Go lay down until Mahlon wakes up.”

“I’m not going to collapse. I said I was fine. You don’t have to-“ She’s interrupted when Mammon picks her up and throws her over his shoulder none too gently. “You put me down this instant, Mammon!”

And he does just that, unceremoniously dropping the sorcerer to the ground in compliance with the order she’d just given him. She lets out a few grumbles and curses as she stands and brushes herself off.

“When I said put me down, I didn’t mean ‘drop me,’” she hisses as she rubs the back of her head.

“Sorry, yer the one who gave the order though.” The white-haired demon shrugs, “Call it malicious compliance if you want… y’aint hurt, are ya?”

“I’m fine… at least physically anyway.” Arella runs a hand through her hair as she looks away. “I could be better mentally, though.”

“Worried?”

“And frustrated…” she sniffles, unsure if it's because of her nose being all stuffed up from this cold or if she’s just fighting the need to cry. “Another one of our children is missing and I still end up relegated to the sidelines when it comes to searching for her. I thought… I thought this time for sure I’d be able to do more- be able help you all more than when Cyrus went missing but I still can’t do anything…”

“I know this is hard for you ‘n I know ya wanna do more,” His voice is soft as he pulls her into a hug. “But the fact of the matter is that you just can’t cover the same amount of ground that my brothers and I can.”

“I know...” Her response is soft as she leans into him. “I just wish things were different...”

And without much else the human walks off, headed upstairs toward the bedroom. For a moment, Mammon wonders if he should follow her, but he’s already late to join the search party and he can’t afford to lose any more time.

・・・〆・・・

Over the coming weeks, Arella slowly declined until she found herself rushed to the hospital one night after collapsing while she had been home alone. She had been struck with a fever she just couldn’t sweat out.

Initially, there had been some question on whether any hospital in the devildom would be able to treat a human- their immunes systems were so different from demons that there was some fear that any medicine made in this realm just wouldn’t suffice in helping a human recover but after some discussion amongst the medical professionals and influence from Solomon, the decision was made that Arella would remain in the Devildom for treatment.

While treatment was aggressive, her recovery was slow. Her fever just refused to break- dangerously holding at a steady 105 degrees even while still being packed in ice. For a while, Arella begins to worry this may be the end for her. She definitely feels as if she’s on death’s door.

Her husband doesn’t help much, not with the way she can feel his anxiety flooding in from the pact mark they share. Part of her wants to tell him to just go home and rest- after all, he’d been pretty much camped out here on and off for the past couple of weeks while their older sons had Mahlon with them but the chances of Mammon actually listening to her at this point were slim.

“So, I had m’birds start searchin’ the areas further out than what Lucifer drew up as our initial search radius.” The demon says as he lays his head on the bed, the exhaustion in his voice evident as he tries so hard to keep his eyes open. “I’m still waiting for them to get back to me, but this has to be it... If it’s not... I dunno what I’m gonna do...”

The human doesn’t say anything as she quietly grasps his hand. Arella doesn’t know what she can say to make him feel better. She knows he’s trying his best but sometimes someone best just isn’t enough.

It’s quiet between them as she feels the demon’s grip on her hand tighten before it loosens, and the sound of his soft snoring can be heard. She only picks up the book that was set beside her and begins to read to pass the time.

・・・〆・・・

“And so I told her if she destroys my kitchen one more time with one of her school projects, I was shipping her off to go live with her father in the human world!”

It’s been a week since Arella was admitted to the hospital. There was still no news on the whereabouts of Azalea or her captors despite the active search for them. Arella feels like she could cry. She knows she shouldn’t give up- her daughter can’t die so the human can rest easy in the knowledge that whatever the condition they get Azalea back in, it won’t be as a corpse- but surely if she were still in the Devildom they would have found her by now.

For now, she’ll just have to wait patiently as she listens to Asmo regail her with the goings on in their very large family.

“And what did Zulima say in regards to that?”

“She promised to do her best.” the Avatar of Lust sighs, “I’m not so convinced it will change anything. I’m just tired of remodeling my kitchen every six months.”

“Perhaps she’ll surprise you. You never know with that one.” Arella hums as she looks out the window. A faint booming sound can be heard off in the distance.

“I don’t think I can take another one of that girl’s surprises,” the strawberry-blonde demon says, returning to the conversation after looking to see if he could find the source of that booming sound, “between her magical experiments and her father ‘surprising’ me by cooking dinner for us every so often, I’m amazed how I don’t have a head of hair as white as Mammon’s yet…”

The pair laughed softly about it however their jovial mood was about to be squashed as a scorpion crawls through the open widow. Asmodeus extends a finger to the tiny arachnid as it scales his arm. It waves its little pincers around as it communicates a message to its master.

Asmo goes hauntingly quiet at whatever their familiar is saying as their champagne-colored eyes widen into the shape of saucers.

“What’s it saying, Asmo? You look like you’ve seen a ghost?” The human only tilts her head like a confused puppy.

“I… I have to go.” And without much explanation, the demon is gone leaving Arella to wonder just what has them so freaked out.

・・・〆・・・

It turns out, the human didn’t need to wait long to find out what had sent the fifth-born rushing out in the way that he had. Within a couple hours, Asmo had returned with the news Arella had been waiting to hear since she’d first gotten word that her daughter was missing. Azalea had been found.

The human finds a wave of relief crashing over her only for it to be dampened by the grim look on Asmo’s face. Had the impossible really come to pass? Was Azalea…?

“She’s not dead… at least not yet- which is the good part.” There are tears in his eyes, “But the doctor is only giving her a few hours at most… I’m sorry…”

“She won’t pass.” To anyone not in the know, the human’s words sound sound almost as if she’s in denial. The Avatar of Lust certainly gets that impression.

“Arella… I know Azalea’s strong but she’s in a critical state. She’s got a massive infection and she’s had it for so long-”

“She’s not going to die, Asmo. Just trust me.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“Because Thirteen froze her life candle years ago…” the explanation is hushed, “The last time Mammon and I took the twins to the human world, a religious group abducted the three of us while your brother was out trying to gather any information about what had happened to Cyrus. In an attempt to protect me and her brother, Azalea was stabbed in the back with a dagger made from celestial gold. My daughter shouldn’t even be alive today but at the last possible moment, the flame on her candle was frozen before it could burn out.”

It’s quiet between the pair as Arella’s revelation sinks in.

“You can’t tell a soul about this, Asmo. I’m sure you know what happens to those who tamper with lifespans- not even Mammon knows about this or if he does, I’m not the one who’s told him.”

“Your secret is safe with me.”

・・・〆・・・

The week passes by quickly and before she realizes it, Arella finds herself discharged from the hospital. Even better news, Azalea had woken from the medically induced come she’d been placed under while her body fought off the infection from the numerous burn wounds littered across her body.

From what Mammon had said when he’d arrived home later the night prior, Azalea didn’t remember anything from her time with her captors which Arella is more than greatful for.

Its mid morning by time the human arrives at the hospital to keep her daughter company. As she walks onto the unit, she can already hear the fuss the half-demon is kicking up.

“I said don’t fuckin’ touch me! Just gimme the bandages ‘n I do it myself!”

Arella finds her footsteps quickening at the sound of her daughter’s yelling and the call of a code for staff assistance going off. She gets to Azalea’s room just as the white and black haired girl rears her one good arm back to throw a punch.

“Azalea Morningstar, think that through!”

The teenager freezes at the sound of her mother’s voice. After a few minutes she puts her arm down, glaring daggers at the poor hospital staff that had been assigned to care for her today.

“Yer still not puttin’ your damn hands on me.” Azalea growls.

“He will be doing his job,” Arella steps further into the hospital room, hands on her hips, “you don’t have to like it, but I won’t have you assaulting these poor hospital workers for just trying to do their jobs.”

The pair lock eyes for a moment before Azalea backs down.

“Fine,” is all the tan girl huffs, “but I want a woman changing the bandages where the sun don’t shine. Ain’t a snowball’s chance in hell I’m lettin’ a guy touch me anywhere near there.”

“We can arrange that,” the hospital staff scurries off to the nurses desk in a hurry while Arella just sighs and takes a moment to set her things down.

“I brought you some loose-fitting clothes from home. I’ll help you change out of your gown after you’ve had those bandages changed.”

“Where’s my jacket? That’s the only thing I want.”

“They threw it out, dear.” The black-haired human frowns. “It was caked with so much blood and other bodily fluids that all of those clothes that you had been wearing when you were brought in were unsalvageable.”

“But that jacket was a gift from uncle Lucifer… ya can’t just throw it out like it was trash!”

“I know how important that jacket was for you, dear, but you would have never been able to wear it again. It was too heavily stained.”

The girl looks crestfallen as she leans back against the bed. The quiet moment is ruined by another hospital staff- this time a female- here to change Azaleas’s bandages.

・・・〆・・・

As the hospital’s visiting hours draw to a close, Arella starts to pack up some of the things she’d brought with her and clear away some empty snack containers.

“I’m sorry.” The half-demon says as she curls into herself.

“Sorry? Sorry for what, Sweetheart?”

“For all the trouble I caused. Were you worried?”

“Yeah, we were.” She reaches out to brush back some of the girl’s hair behind her ear. We almost lost you once… it’s hard to believe it almost happened again.”

“‘S like the universe is tryin’ to get rid of me or somethin’…”

The human freezes at those words. Does she know?

“Can I talk to Thirteen- I know she’s busy more often than not but I wanna ask ‘er about something… a story she told us a while back.”

“What story?” Arella’s curious.

“It probably doesn’t matter… can ya just reach out to her for me. I’d do it myself but my phone’s at home- probably dead.”

“Alright, do you need anything else before I go for the night? Do you need to use the bathroom or need me to get a nurse for you or anything?”

“I’m alright, Mum. Thanks.” The freckled half-demon smiles.

“Then I’ll be off.” She leans over and gives her daughter a kiss on the forehead before taking her leave. “I love you. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Love you too.”

・・・〆・・・

In the coming weeks, things seemed to go back to normal for the most part. Arella had taken extended time off from her job as ambassador to the human world with Solomon and Isabella doing the most to pick up the slack for her so Arella could focus on caring for Azalea.

Things were progressing smoothly for the most part. Once the teen had healed from the surgeries to reset her legs and arm, she seemed to go right back to causing trouble- even if only at a smaller scale. The worry is back but this time it’s subtle- like the hum of an idling engine and Arella doesn’t seem to mind it now. In the end, it just serves to remind the human that with a child like her daughter, she’ll always be worried.

・・・〆・・・

End

#obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me swd #obey me! shall we date?#obey me oc #arella #obey me mammon #om! mammon #obey me lucifer #obey me leviathan #obey me asmodeus #obey me satan #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor

5 notes · View notes

thinkingisadangerouspastime · 3 years

Note

(pt 1) i really enjoy all your atla analyses & you've done a great job breaking down the usual arguments re how eip shows that kataang shouldn't have happened. i'm curious about your take on one specific argument that i just saw today, in an analysis of the show by a zker that was otherwise quite good and respectful (i know you've already talked about eip a lot, so no problem if you don't feel like rehashing). the premise: aang didn't just pressure katara in eip, he threatened her.

(pt 2) they point to when katara joins aang & asks if he’s alright: “aang: no, i’m not! i hate this play! katara: i know it’s upsetting, but it sounds like you’re overreacting. aang: overreacting? if i hadn’t blocked my chakra, i’d probably be in the avatar state right now!” the suggestion is he’s threatening her when he says ‘i’d probably be in the avatar state right now’ to describe his anger. i think this take exaggerates and oversimplifies it, but interested in your thoughts on it.

Hello my friend!! It is true I am Old inside and don’t like rehashing dhdlksjslks BUT your comments on my posts are always incredibly kind and insightful so I am more than willing to do a bit of rehashing for you 🥰 Besides! I’ve seen this general take before a few times and it’s always irked me for the exact reason you point out - it simultaneously exaggerates and oversimplifies the situation (and honestly that’s an impressive duality since it’s seemingly contradictory, so hats off to them lmaooo) - and now is as good a time as any to address it. So, for starters, let’s go ahead and get the excerpt they love to focus on so much:

Cut to Aang standing alone on a balcony. Katara enters and walks up to him.

Katara: Are you all right?

Aang: [Angered.] No, I’m not! I hate this play! [Yanks his hat off and throws it on the ground.]

Katara: I know it’s upsetting, but it sounds like you’re overreacting.

Aang: Overreacting? If I hadn’t blocked my chakra, I’d probably be in the Avatar State right now!

Here’s the thing about so-called analyses of this excerpt: in a manner extremely convenient to the poster, they never seek to contextualize this moment. (I mean, to do so would deplatform their entire “argument” - perhaps that’s why they avoid performing a full analysis?) So let’s avoid that pitfall from the start.

Firstly, below are some links to related posts; I’m going to do my best to summarize the most relevant parts, but for anyone who desires greater detail, I gotchu 😤

This post explains why EIP (the play, lol) is imperialist propaganda and is intended to belittle the entire Gaang.

This post explains how Aang never acted “entitled” to Katara’s affections, particularly in regard to EIP.

This post breaks down the infamous EIP kiss like Snopes Fact Checker, covering common misconceptions, important perspectives to consider, etc.

Alright. With that out the way, it’s time for some context.

Aang and Katara have this conversation on the balcony after watching 95% of “The Boy in the Iceberg,” a play chock-full of Fire Nation propaganda that demeans the entire Gaang in order to prop up the Fire Nation as superior (hence why the play ends with Ozai’s victory). Here is my general breakdown of Aang and Katara’s treatment in particular from a previous post:

- katara, an indigenous woman, is highly sexualized and portrayed as overly dramatic and tearful, because the fire nation objectifies women not of their own people and views them as less intelligent and less emotionally stable

- aang, the avatar, the sole survivor of the fire nation’s genocide of the air nomads who is incredibly in-touch with his spirituality and femininity, is portrayed as an overly-airy and immature woman. the fire nation portrays him with a female actor to demean him (like, that’s classic imperialistic propagandist tactics) and furthermore writing his character as a childish airhead reinforces the fire nation sentiment that the air nomads were weak, foolish people who did not deserve to exist in their world

In other words, these kids have just watched almost an entire play that preys upon their insecurities and depicts them using racist and sexist stereotypes about their respective nations. It is completely understandable that tensions might run a little high and that their interactions would not be as balanced as usual (Katara and Aang have a great track record of communicating well with each other, as it happens!).

So we have to keep that in mind when examining the aforementioned excerpt. But there are other factors to consider, too! Namely: they are kids. Children. Teens. Aang is 12, Katara is 14.

If we want to be scientific, a person’s brain doesn’t finish developing until they are 25, lmao, and the preteen/teen years are when the prefrontal cortex that controls “rationality,” “judgement,” “forethought,” etc. is still developing. This doesn’t mean Aang and Katara are irrational and make poor decisions 24/7 (obviously not), but it does mean that in an intense, highly emotional situation, like after watching a play that intentionally demeans them and depicts them as inferior, they are more likely to overreact, more likely to be emotional, and more likely to make mistakes. Like, I’m serious, lol. “Teens process information with the amygdala.” That’s part of the brain that helps control emotions! It’s why teens sometimes struggle to articulate what we’re thinking, especially in situations that require instinct/impulse and quick decisions, because we’re really feeling whenever we make those choices. Acting more on emotion. Our brains simply haven’t finished developing the decision-making parts, lmao.

In sum: Aang and Katara are both kids, not adults, and should be interpreted as such. This doesn’t negate their intelligence, because they are both incredibly smart and Aang is arguably the wisest of the Gaang, but they are human. Young humans. They have emotions, and we should not be so cruel as to assume they’d never act on them.

So taking that all together, we can now acknowledge the high stress Aang and Katara are under, understand why they might be upset (*cough* imperialist propaganda is hurtful *cough*), and examine how their youth might play into their emotional reactions. And funny thing - all analyses that come to the conclusion of Aang “threatening” Katara here do not usually bother with this context. I can’t imagine why!

And you know what, let’s add one more piece of context: Sokka states that Aang left the theater “like, ten minutes ago,” which is what cues Katara to go look for him on the balcony. The reason I mention this line is because to me, it suggests Aang knew he was more worked up than usual! He chose to separate himself from his friends so he could process his frustration! He did not take his anger at the play out on them; instead, he purposefully took time and space to be alone.

With that in mind, I don’t understand at all how Aang’s Avatar state quote could be interpreted as a threat? Canonly, Aang is someone who was aware enough of his frustration to separate himself from the others - yet the logical next step is him threatening Katara as a result? He knew his intense emotions were because of the play (which he says himself), so the logical conclusion is that he then pinned the fault on Katara? What?? Sorry, that interpretation has no textual basis, lmao. But I digress!

Aang tells Katara, “If I hadn’t blocked my chakra, I’d probably be in the Avatar State right now!” As you said, this is the line people point to in an attempt to justify their (baseless) conclusion that Aang is “threatening” Katara. So let’s bring in the two key pieces of context: imperialist propaganda and age. Given that Aang is 12, and given that Aang has just watched almost a full play that demeans him and everything his people stood for (and let’s not forget it also mocks his and Katara’s love for each other)…

His reaction is understandable. An exaggeration and needlessly dramatic, but understandable. He feels vulnerable and insecure and Aang is human. He is human and flawed and he overreacts here and I love that A:TLA shows how even our heroes, even people who are truly good at heart and in soul, can get overly upset (especially given the aforementioned circumstances!). Would Aang actually be in the Avatar state at that moment, had it been possible? Of course not! He’s young and he’s hurt and as such he says something dramatic to convey his anxieties and frustrations. The line is not meant to be taken literally, and seeing people do so despite all the factors that should be taken into consideration when analyzing it… Cue a long, tired sigh from me and so many other A:TLA fans.

And to be honest? I cannot fathom how people watch this episode and come to the conclusion that Aang is “threatening” Katara. To me, this episode - besides being a recap episode - is one that humanizes our cast even further. Aang snaps at Katara, kisses her when he shouldn’t (which the story appropriately treats as wrong). Katara pushes down her true feelings and retreats into herself, afraid to start a relationship with the boy she loves because she’s already lost him once before and can’t bear to do so again. Zuko further confronts the hurt he’s enacted upon others, especially upon Iroh. Toph practices being vulnerable and accepting vulnerability from others by conversing with Zuko. Sokka witnesses how others have erased his contributions and labelled him as nothing more than the token nonbender in the group. Even Suki learns that she is not the only person who holds a place in Sokka’s heart and that she can never replace what he has lost.

To watch this episode where our heroes must come to terms with how the Fire Nation deems them inherently inferior, with how they have more fights to overcome in the future with the Fire Nation than a single war, and to come to the conclusion that… that what, Aang is abusive? A monster? Irredeemable? That he would threaten his best friend, someone he loves in every way?

Wow. That says more than enough about the viewer, doesn’t it?

#getting back into the swing of things babey ✌️#aang #katara #kataang #kataangtag #the ember island players #atla #avatar the last airbender #amy answers #dramaticowl #amy analyzes #also i am speaking in GENERAL TERMS here lmaooo this is not a direct response to any one post 😂😂

112 notes · View notes

threeminutesoflife · 4 years

Text

Hindsight is 20/20

Pairings: Dark!Steve x Dark!Reader Warrnings: death of minor character, stalking, masturbation, oral sex- male receiving Word Count: 3k a/n: Congratulations on the 15k milestone, @sherrybaby14 sweet Scream Queen!❣️ Thank you for hosting #promptchallenge, Lady! 🧡🔪

Challenge prompt/Summary: #27/Steve- “Stalker!Steve finally gives up and the reader misses him so she starts stalking him and he likes it!”

It was all obnoxiously poetic- the way her hair fanned out and struck the air, the whiplash of movement, and the extension of her flailing arms.

Her body performed a morbid ballet when you pushed her onto the subway tracks.

Her screams, their gasps, the failed brakes; between the brutality of gravity and the law of physics, the bitch even died pretty.

The overcrowded platform consumed your senses. The raunchy, celebratory cheers bounced off the tunnel walls and rang in your head as fans piled inhumanly close, trying to return home.

Beer breath and belches lingered overhead, sweat and humidity draped the subway tiles. Shoulders knocked into shoulders, and the little shoves and multiple bumps made your teeth grind.

Despite the acidic shuffle, your eyes stayed on her. She stood past the edge of the platform’s caution line, blissfully unaware. Cell phone in hand and fashionable jeans over her ass, she kept giggling at the phone’s screen. Fuck, she was annoying.

As you snaked closer, you saw her thumb jet across the device. Was she texting him? Were his replies the ones making her smile like that?

Your next thoughts made you pause behind a column with a frown. Does he send her gifts like the ones he sent you? Did she receive that gift?

That gift you still hold when falling asleep most nights- the teddy bear with the secret recording in his chest.

Does her teddy bear “growl” like yours?

You were sure Hallmark never intended for their sentimental creation to be used so obscenely, capturing the sounds of an overly-infatuated man pleasuring himself on the stuffed toy's recorder. People love in different ways, but you were sure his type of keepsake moment wasn’t marketable as a card in their stores.

At first, you were repulsed at the discovery. Your ear pressed against the chest of the bear, soft synthetic tickling your chin. Your brows furrowed slightly as you attempted to decode the rustling sounds. Juggling the bear until you finally located the volume button.

His deep, broken moans erupted from the toy’s chest, clarifying what the contents of the previously recorded message were. You never heard Steve like this. The revelation made your thigh muscles flex. Disgust and arousal hit you in one confusing punch. Annoyance and embarrassment slapped you next.

You dated Steve, twice; once for a late breakfast because he was leaving that afternoon for a mission, and the other was for lunch because he just returned. Both meals were eaten behind baseball hats and glasses so people wouldn't recognize him. Missions and responsibilities made it difficult to see him, and it didn’t help that both dates were cut short due to emergencies on his end. When he called after several weeks of radio silence, inviting you for brunch- you declined. You told him that you needed someone who could be present, someone who could really see you. You wished him well but said he wasn’t the one for you.

Over the clinking of his belt buckle and material shuffling rapidly on the recorder, Steve wished you farewell, “I wish you could see me as I’ve always seen you, sunshine. Goodbye.”

Throwing the obscene teddy bear back into the box, you kicked the package across the room.

After months of hangup calls from private numbers, flowers sent with no names attached, and an eerie feeling of a baseball-capped figure following you on the other side of the street- Steve finally let you go.

So why did your panties ache at the weight of that word- goodbye? Why was there an odd feeling of uncertainty growing in the pit of your stomach?

You were supposed to feel relief, but you didn't.

The weight of his absence slowly grew. You didn’t want him before, he didn’t have time for you. So why should you want him now?

So what if you didn’t have an acquaintance's admiration anymore? So what if your phone’s notification fell into a coma?

So what…

You didn’t want him, you convinced yourself that- but a small part of you liked knowing he was looking. Unsure how or when it happened, you began to actually miss him.

One night you pulled the obscene bear out of storage. The box should have been thrown out when first receiving it, but you somehow never found the time.

The bear still looked sharp and dapper, a little red bowtie garnishing the salacious audio recording.

The toy’s simple recorder didn’t have fast forward or rewind. So in your pining for Steve’s attention, you listened to his long audio of grunting and groaning- repeatedly.

You wanted to hear every noise he made. You needed the timber in his voice. The high and lows of his moans, his breath catching in his chest. The sounds he made when pleasuring himself to the thought of you...

You tried masking the reasons for your actions to yourself. You just needed to hear him say, “goodbye.” Hearing him say that one simple word would make it more official. Of course, hearing him say it and you accepting it were entirely different things.

As you repeatedly hit the play button and rested on the bed with the grunting toy beside you, you knew this was a mistake. Because he sounded good, damn good.

And that night started one of many. You’d mewl in sync with Steve's muffled groans coming from the stuffed bear's speakers, slipping one hand down your panties and covering your breast with the other. You unintentionally programmed yourself to cum as he did on the recording. Which meant, you needed to hear him cum on that audio for you to also find release.

___

The ringing in your head grew louder as you watched his new interest, your replacement, stand by the edge of the platform.

Her carefree, glossy smile seared itself in your mind as you replayed the image of Steve wrapping his arms around her on the sidewalk. He wished her good night with a soft kiss before letting her descend the subway’s stairs.

The longer you watched her, the easier it was for your jealousy to distort the fans’ cheers and drunken singing for the championship win into a slow chant of- “Push. Push. Push.”

Before your mind knew what your body had planned, your legs moved and arms shoved.

She was dead and you didn't mean to do it, at least- not out in the open. But everything in you just snapped.

You allowed the chaos of the crowd to swallow you and drown you in their sea of scared bystanders. Some pulled out phones, while others ran for high ground.

The passing subway train tried braking sooner; gears sparking and metal grinding. It was now half-hidden in the tunnel and half-exposed alongside the platform. The people on board shouted in horror after understanding why the platform crowd’s screamed for the non-stop subway train to stop.

Pushing your glasses further up your nose, you frantically scanned for the easiest escape. Pulling the bill of your cap down further over your face, you ran.

An emergency warning blared through the tunnel. Over the sirens, a voice encouraged everyone to stay calm. However, it only did the opposite- stoking people’s fears and peeking people’s curiosities.

Wearing a disguise similar to yours, Steve stalked your movements behind the thick-rimmed glasses. Off to the side and engulfed in shadows, he watched you under the rounded bill of his baseball cap. When his prior date’s screams broke out, he pulled his glasses down in shock but quickly recovered and slid them back into place.

He was taken back that you ended the girl so suddenly; surprised and oddly proud. Usually, he was the one who took the action and blocked your would-be suitors. But you doing this for him was a dream come true. His dick twitched at your declaration of love. You finally proved how much he meant to you.

Steve had pretended to leave you alone too long for his liking. But he was never far and you certainly weren't ever forgotten. Tonight, you finally showed him that his waiting was worth it- and that he wasn’t forgotten either.

After politely thanking and kissing the bland girl goodbye, he expected you to trail him back to his residence and wait until he entered his brownstone like you’ve done after his other dates.

It’s been your pattern for the last two months, but to his annoyance, you never approached him further and he was growing restless. He thought dating other women would smoke you out. But you stayed burrowed. However this time, he took the same girl out more than once. She got the third date you never did.

He wished he thought of recycling a date sooner, maybe you would have reacted quicker and not so much time would have been spent apart.

But you returned to him and that’s what mattered.

After adjusting his hardness, he checked the tracker on your phone and noted the direction you were headed. With muscle memory, he twisted through the crowd and made his way towards your apartment. You needed him.

Your breathing was labored as you climbed the stairs to your apartment, excessively stomping out your anger on each step as you replayed Steve kissing her.

She deserved what you did to her. Three dates were too many, you should have ended her after two.

Kicking off your shoes and throwing your hat aside in the apartment, you sneered at the thought of them together. You aggressively stripped your way down the hallway to the bathroom. Your shucked clothes knocked against the hanging picture frames.

After throwing your bra at your reflection in the mirror, you twisted the shower knobs into submission. The pipes groaned and the water slowly heated as you braced your arms on the counter. Leaning towards the mirror, you took a hard look at yourself.

After surveying the way the prop glasses perched themselves on the bridge of your nose, your eyes tracked over the curve of your chin and moved down to the elastic band of your panties -

THUMP

Your eyes snapped back up to your reflection as you frowned at the noise. Shaking your head at your imagination, you pushed yourself off the counter and reached for the candles. With the extra stress tonight brought, scented candles would be soothing-

THUMP

Was it your imagination? You turned the shower off and slowly opened the bathroom door. Your ears strained to catch the noise, but no sounds greeted you. Exhaling a huff, you were about to close the bathroom door when you heard a low rustling coming from your bedroom.

Wrapping a towel around your panty-covered body, your bare feet padded softly down the hallway to the incoherent sounds. Toeing open the door, your towel partially slipped when you saw Steve sitting on the edge of your bed. Hat and glasses on, he held the teddy bear that was currently playing your favorite lewd recording.

Steve jostled the bear back and forth between his hands. Tossing it up in the air, he caught it midfall, “There’s my sunshine! Been taking care of our bear, I see.”

Almost naked and fully shocked, you stared at Steve from the doorway, “What are you doing here?”

His eyes didn’t match the smirk on his face, “Now, sunshine, drop the act. I know what you did for us. I saw it.”

The bear moaned in his hands as you stared at him dumbfounded for getting caught. Trying for time, you asked, “Us being- you and the bear?”

“No, sunshine. You and me,” Steve gave a dry chuckle before tossing the stuffed animal over his shoulder. “It’s kind of odd being in your room and on your bed. Well, at least with you knowing I’m here this time, I mean.”

The towel dipped slightly from your grasp at his admission.

Steve caught your reaction with a grin, but his expression grew serious when he said, “All I ever wanted was for you to see me like I see you, sunshine.”

You felt his gaze roam over your exposed skin, trying to gauge your reaction to his ambushed presence. A part of you was glad to see him, but you thought you’d have more time to practice your confession about your feelings.

But maybe this was the push you needed, the tug in the right direction to be fully honest with yourself.

Looking at Steve, the screams of the woman you killed and the crowd’s outcries of fear failed to replay in your head. There was no play track of guilt.

The spot within you that should have been filled with remorse was replaced by the calming scent of his cologne and the enjoyment of hearing the recording of him pleasuring himself from the disregarded bear. Steve was in your room- and that realization caused a sweet wetness to gather between your thighs.

Steve toed out of his shoes and stood in front of your bed. Tossing his shirt aside, he stated, “I saw you missed me.”

You slowly dragged your eyes away from his tented pants, “Maybe I only missed the attention?”

Steve snorted at your words and walked closer, “No, sunshine. You missed us. And you gifted me such a sweet gesture- just like how I gifted you that bear. Granted yours was a bit more… homicidal, but it was sweet nonetheless.”

Your insides warmed at his touch. You rested your face in his palms as he cupped and rubbed his thumbs along your cheeks.

Steve gently touched his forehead against yours, pressing your glasses together. His bare chest grazed your towel, “You missed me, sunshine. Admit it.”

Looking over the rim of your glasses, his thumbs swept over your cheeks one more time before you reached for him and admitted what he wanted to hear with a kiss.

You missed his attention, you missed him.

The old recorded sounds of him cumming filled the room. You bit his bottom lip in the kiss, earning a growl from him.

You needed this, you needed him.

“You’re perfect for me. All this fire blazing under your skin, sunshine,” Steve moaned and praised you before deepening the kiss.

Without breaking his lips from yours, he took your elbow and pulled you towards the bed. Your fingers threaded through his hair as you stumbled over the forgotten towel.

“I can’t believe we’re here. I wanted this for so long,” Steve whispered into the curve of your neck and his hands roaming over your body. “I want to taste you. Feel your tight pussy wrapped around me. Fuck! I can’t decide how to take you first.”

“..No,” shaking your head at his words.

“What?”

“No. You don’t get to decide what we do first. I killed for us, I decide.”

Steve’s eyes narrowed with impatience, “...You made me wait.”

“So did you,” you countered, unzipping his pants and sliding your hands in his boxers. “But- I get to decide.”

Steve’s hips snapped forward when you wrapped your fingers around his cock. You eyed the stuffed bear in the corner and smiled wolfishly at Steve, “Be just as vocal for me, handsome.”

He struggled to talk as you ran your hand up and down his shaft with his pre-cum, “Keep... keep the glasses... on.”

Your hand stilled around him and your eyebrow arched. Steve looked hungry and confused until it registered that he tried ordering you.

“...P-please,” Steve whimpered a request at your motionless hold. “Please, keep the glasses on.”

With a sharp nod, your grip tightened again and you worked another groan out of him. You quickly pulled his pants down and pushed him to bed’s edge. Running your hands over his muscled thighs, you moved his legs apart and settled yourself before him.

Steve watched as you worked your way up his inner thighs, making him hiss in pleasure from every teasing squeeze and nibble.

“I’ll keep my glasses on but then you keep yours on, too,” you winked before pumping him towards your mouth and swirling your tongue around his red tip.

Steve inhaled with a stutter, lost in the way your wet lips felt wrapped around the head of his cock. He moaned in agreement when you took him further into your warm mouth.

His labored breaths made your thighs rub together. All those familiar sounds you craved when masturbating to his recording were sharper and deeper now that he loomed over you.

Steve was captivated by you- and you felt powerful. Each long lick made his body shake. Each stroke and twist caused his hips to jolt off the bed. Cupping his tightening balls, you bobbed your head further down this length. Bracing yourself against his thighs, you looked up at him with wide eyes and hollowed cheeks.

Another growl left his chest as his eyes caught yours. Tilting his head back, he exhaled darkly. Eyes closed behind the thick frames, he cursed in pleasure.

“F- Fuck,” Steve stammered as you hummed against him.

Your glasses pressed against your face as you buried yourself closer into his pelvis. Your cheeks brushed the inside of his thighs as you took him fully to the hilt. His saltiness on your tongue and his masculine scent clouded your senses, making your panties wetter.

Steve desperately tried to hold it together but having you before him, strong and glorious, left him unable to hold back much longer.

“Let me cum, please,” he begged.

You pulled him out with a pop. His dick bounced against his thick thighs and smeared wetness along his stomach. The sudden coolness caused goosebumps to fan across his skin.

“Please, sunshine.”

Rocking back on your heels, you watched him; goosebumps spreading, chest heaving, hips jolting, cock throbbing. You did this. You brought this incredible man into a pleading state of ecstasy and blind frenzy.

As your fingertips playfully ran along his length, you rose higher on your knees. You pulled him into a kiss with one hand and stroked his cock faster in your other, mixing the pressure with a tight fist and loose palm.

The taste of him was on your lips as you whispered encouragements, “Let go, handsome. I’ve got you.”

Steve shattered at your words, his fists painfully pressed into the mattress as his ass lifted off the bed from the pleasure. He spilled himself over your grip, tumbling past your knuckles as you milked him.

“Such a good boy,” you praised proudly.

Loosening your hold, you raised your stained hand to his glasses and smeared himself over his lenses, “It took me a while, Steve- but I see you now.”

#dark!steve x dark!reader #dark!reader #dark!steve x reader #prompt challenge #dark!steve rogers x reader #dark!steve rogers x dark!reader #dark!marvel #dark!fic #dark!fanfiction

913 notes · View notes

siimjaeyun · 3 years

Text

01: Immortality

Synopsis: it is part of human nature to be flawed and imperfect, maybe even vengeful when things don't go their way, and when seven boys find themselves in power to show those who are wrong that actions come with consequences, will they choose to keep their immortality?

masterlist

tw: mentions of blood, stabbing, murder, death and slight choking

-------

"Wait let me get this straight. Your solution to the problem is for us to get killed over and over again instead of reporting them to the police?" Sunoo stood at the edge of the room, completely baffled by the older boy's plan.

"You don't get it Sunoo. This is part of the plan, it's always been. Why did you think we saved you?" Sunghoon took the glass of water from counter and gulped it down slowly before staring at Jungwon and Riki.

"Your immortality is precious and it's a form of power. This is your new job."

"What job? I don't want this job." Jay let a hefty sight escape from his lips before pulling the three minors closer to him.

"I get you don't want to be immortal. None of us chose to be here. Come." Jay went to the nearest drawer and pulled out a scrapbook.

"This is before we were eighteen." Jungwon furrowed his brows and didn't see a difference between them.

"But you look the same?"

"Immortality keeps you at this age. But we were normal teens too, we had dreams." Heeseung and Jake looked down, remembering the days from their own past as well.

"Then what happened?" Riki asked.

"We don't remember much of what happened. Memories fade eventually. It's been fifteen years since we entered this new world." Jake waited for a response but instead handed the three boys their belongings.

"Go on or you'll be late. We'll keep an eye on you from afar, but just go with your mind got it?" The three youngest didn't have much to stay and reluctantly accepted the very non-existent plan.

"Are we sure about this? What if this is a prank?" Jungwon and Sunoo stopped in their tracks and looked at Riki.

"I clearly remember being dead so might as well suck it up. Team?" Jungwon put forward his hand and the others followed shouting a cheer before entering the room.

"Sorry we're late, we got lost since we're not used to the campus grounds." Three heads instantly popped up at the sound of their voice. Impossible: it was impossible for them to be alive.

"You said they were dead!" One of them whispered, close to entering into a panic.

"They were! You saw they had no heartbeat." The other responded. Their legs began to shake left and right as well as up and down due to fear, nibbling on their nails and surrounding skin.

"No worries, just take a seat." As if a feeling inside his heart was about to over take him, Sunoo felt a need to take a seat next to one of the three boys. He plopped his backpack onto the desk and gave a smile wave to the tall boy.

This was the first trial.

-----

"Hey! You three come here." The basketball players waved their hands at them in a snapping manner and if on que, Heeseung smirks when he looks down at the time on his watch.

"Humans really are predictable aren't they?" Jake agrees and continues to listen into the conversation.

"We're having a party tonight, you should come." Again, right on time.

"Uhh, I'm not sure…" Jungwon elbowed Riki in the stomach before accepting the kind invitation.

"We'll be there!" Sunoo quickly answered before looking at Jungwon with confusion.

"What are you thinking! This is a trap to clearly kill us!" Riki states in a distressed manner.

"Something is telling me to do so, plus isn't that the plan?" Jay and Sunghoon were amused at Sunoo and Jungwon's quick adaptation to their life.

"Seems like they've got this, but remember to get the car anyway." Sunghoon slung his backpack lazily over his shoulder and led the way as they waited for the second trial.

-------

The night had fallen and almost as if the stars had aligned, Heeseung glanced at his watch once more as Sunoo, Jungwon and Riki stepped into the home where the so-called party was being held. It took half an hour for the three school boys dressed in jerseys to drag out three black bags, body shaped to be exact.

"Hurry the fuck up man, before we get caught!" The other two obeyed the orders and carried the bags into the trunk of the car with much speed. A small drive later and an empty lot awaited them.

"Throw them there." The sound of shovels digging surrounded the nearby area, and with the rhythm of the sand and dirt hitting the floor, the three bodies were finally covered.

"We take this until our death beds. This better get the job done." The car drove off; it allowed for Heeseung and Jay to approach the bodies underneath the ground.

"5..4..3..2..1" The supposed to be dead boys came from behind the trees dusting themselves off from the sand.

"That was even more terrible the second time. Drugging us and then stabbing us isn't exactly fun."

"You did great. You're almost there." Jake complimented only for anger to resound in Jungwon.

"Look no offense, but I don't know if we can continue this. I don't want to relive the trauma of being murdered over and over again." He loosened his tie and threw it onto the pavement.

"I'm with Jungwon. Is this really the only way to get the job done?"

"Yes, now let's go get some rest. Tomorrow is going to be a very long day." Sunghoon patted their backs and led them back.

Second trial was complete.

-------

"How are you boys holding up? Today's sort of the final trial." Jake walked into their room first thing in the morning, bearing food and other trinkets.

"To be honest, I cried myself to sleep. I'd rather be dead than be doing this. Why were we saved?" Riki asked with slight hesitancy.

"Heeseung and I asked ourselves that every single day since our murder. We were the new kids and well, these two boys weren't exactly fond of us so their plan was to kill us and they were successful. We woke up to this new life and even though I've never been able to come with a clear answer, you'll find out in time. This is a lot. I get it, but you've got each other. This job isn't fun, but you get used to it. The pain isn't even that bad." He left the room almost immediately and went with the others.

The same scenario repeated once more. Bewildered eyes met the three boys upon their entrance, and paranoia engulfed the three murderers. Heeseung went ahead and peered into the classroom. Shaky legs, check. Nail biting check. Sweat, check.

"This can't be happening. This isn't real. What if this is a prank?" Sunoo once more waved at them slightly before leaning in towards them.

"I had fun at the party last night, maybe we can do it again. Or maybe you'd like to rest since I'm sure digging and dragging must be hard work." With innocent eyes, he smiled slyly and gave a head nod to Jungwon and Riki.

"What's next? I doubt that they'd be willing to get caught up again." It was lunch time, which gave them time to decide on their next move.

"You go to them. After all, where else would you find your phone?" Riki began to feel into his pockets but found nothing.

"Damn it." Satisfied, the four left the three kids on their own.

The clock struck eight when Jungwon knocked on the familiar wooden door which was opened by the oldest school boy.

"Y-you guys. Why are you here?"

"We wanted to party like last night but I left my phone here." Jungwon went straight to the nearest bedroom and found his phone comfortably tucked away under a pillow with a recording.

"Well what do have here? A memory from last night." Sunoo pressed the small play button and let the audio run though.

"Hurry the hell up will you!"

"Did you bring your dad's car like I told you? Get on with it."

"I'm sad it had to come to this."

"Get them!" Their hands became tightly wrapped around their necks and before they knew it, they had experienced their third death.

They went back to the familiar lot, repeating the motions and excavating through the hard ground to create a burrow for the bodies.

"Dump the brown haired one first." When they managed to pat the dirt neatly and move on to the rest of the bodies, they were gone.

"Huh? Is this the end of the party? But I wanted to have more fun." Sunoo walked out first and showed a small pout while watching terror and horror overtake the players in their presence. Without a thought, the shovel was swung and he came down, falling unconscious.

"Boooo, all we wanted was to become friends. Is this really it?" Now Riki emerged from the trees, crossing his arms while glancing at Sunoo's body.

Another swing over took him, but it was time for the final show.

"Hi! I'm Jungwon and these are my friends Sunoo and Riki. Please treat us well." Jungwon tried to approach them but they instead fled towards the car, struggling to understand what was occurring.

"Get away you-you ahh!" Jungwon and Sunoo crept from behind while Riki dangled the car keys in front of them.

"Have a safe ride! Stay safe!" With the final shouts, Heeseung, Jake, Sunghoon and Jay finally left the shadows.

Jay let out a maniacal laughter, which caused confusion with the three youngest.

"Good job boys. Good job." Those were the final words he told them before going home.

As sleep entered their systems, they began to wonder about their actions and Sunghoon's words from two nights before.

Humans themselves were responsible for the consequences. They were complex creatures, sure, but driven by power and greed can betray the good of anyone. They never created the killer.

Like a cycle, they went at a similar time to the school in the morning only to cause the three boys to break down in tears.

-------

taglist: @the-moon-lost-in-joy @twntycm

12 notes · View notes

itsjustmyfantasyroom · 4 years

Text

I’ am not my father

Warnings: Mad Barba, slight touch on smut.

Enjoy x

"SVU ever brings me a case like this again and you can find some other ADA to fight it" Rafael all but yelled at you and Liv as you walked into his office.

"Come on Rafael, it was air tight" Liv snapped back.

"Air tight? If this case was so air tight it wouldn't have ended in a not guilty. You both let your emotions get in the way and clouded your judgement. I am not putting my job on the line anymore" he snarled back

Liv threw her hands up and shock her head.

"You are out of line Rafi, that's not fair" you said back. He glared at you.

"What's not fair is me losing my job over this. That's not fair because you acted like the emotional little girl that you are"

Your eyes opened wide with shock. Rafael felt regret as soon as those words left his mouth but he couldn’t take them back now.

"Come on Rafael, that's not nice" Liv spoke back.

"You both need to get out, now" Liv turned and walked out, you stood there staring at him.

"Are you deaf as well now? Get out NOW" you turned on your heels walked out and slammed the door shut.

"Good luck with THAT this afternoon Carmen" she didn't know what to say and you left to catch up with Liv.

On your way back to the station in the car, it was silent. Rafael had never spoke to you like that before, ever. You felt so mad and you were trying to keep the tears from falling.

"Are you ok?" Liv asked as she turned off the car

"I will be, Thanks Liv" a small tight smile coming to your face.

You both walked into the bullpen to everyone at their desks. Their heads turned to look at you as soon as you walked through the doors.

"How did it go?" Fin asked leaning back in his car.

"Not guilty" you answered back

"No way" Nick threw his pen down on his desk.

"Ah yeah, Barba isn't happy with us at all" Liv sighed.

----

It was your day to go to your place to check on everything and get more cloths before going back to Rafael's. But after the way he spoke to you today, you decided to stay home and order in.

You hadn't heard from him so you didn't bother reaching out. You and Nick were working the night shift the next night so you didn't go to bed early, you stayed up to catch up on some shows you had recorded.

It was 12.30 am when your phone started to ring, it was Sonny,

"Hey Sonny everything ok?"

"Ah hey, no not really, Amanda is on her way to pick you up, she will be there in 5 minutes, meet her down stairs please"

"What's going on?"

“She will fill you in" and he hung up.

You jumped up, ran and changed your track pants to jeans, you left on the navy t shirt you had on, put on a strapless bra, tied your hair in a low lose pony, put on socks and runners. You put your phone in your back pocket, and your badge and key's in your front pocket grabbed your wallet and went down stairs. Just as you walked out on the street Amanda pulled up and you jumped in.

"What the hell is going on?" you looked over at her in the drivers seat.

"Sonny and I decided to have a drink after our midnight shift, we walked into Florini's and seen Barba at the bar. He has had a LOT to drink. He wouldn't leave with us, He just kept saying I'm not my father, so we called you"

"You should have left him there" you rolled your eyes looking forward to the road.

She looked at you funny raising one eye brow at you, so you told her what happened.

"I' am sure he didn't mean it" Amanda said softly.

"He meant it, don't you worry about that" you spat back.

Amanda managed to get a park outside the bar, and you got out and walked in with Amanda behind you. There weren't many people so you saw Sonny and Rafael sitting at the bar straight away. Sonny looked up and gave you a small half smile, he got off the bar stool and walked over to you and put his hand on your shoulder giving it a light squeeze,

"Go easy Y/N, he is really sorry"

"He's drunk, he doesn't know what he is"

You walked over to Rafael, he hadn’t notice you yet. The bar tender had just poured him another drink.

"Don't you think he's had enough? Can I have the bill please" he sculled down his drink not even looking at you.

"Give me your wallet" you snapped at him

He missed putting his hand in his pocket 3 times, then he got it and handed it to you. You pulled out his card and paid the tab. You grabbed his case and jacket and handed it to Amanda

"We are taking you home, let's go"

He still hadn’t spoken to you. Rafael stood up putting his arm around your shoulders, you put your arm around his waist and you walked him out to Amanda's car. Sonny opened the door and he got in, looking like Bambi on ice. You went around the other side and got in the car.

"Yours or His?" Amanda looked at you through the review mirror.

"His" You huffed back.

Before to long you were back at his place. Amanda and Sonny helped you take him upstairs. You took the keys from his pocket and unlocked the door. This was the most silent he had ever been.

"Thanks guys I got it from here. See you tomorrow" they both waved and left.

You lent him up against the wall just inside the door, you got on your knees and took his shoes off. He was so out of it you could control his body. You pulled him off the wall and walked him to the bed room and turned on the light. He stood in front of you still not saying a word. You undone his tie and took it off and then undone his vest and took that off too. You pulled his arm and led him to the bed, you pulled down the blankets and sat him down, and he laid down staring into space. You pulled the blankets up and turned to walk away, when he grabbed your hand.

"I'm not like my father"

You pulled your hand out of his, walked and turned the light off and shut the door. You slept on the couch.

Sleep was too far away all night. You messaged Carmen from your phone and told her Rafael would be in, in the afternoon, something came up. You didn't have to be at work till 4 that afternoon, so you tried and tried to fall asleep, but it wasn't happening. Finally at 5am you drifted off to sleep.

****

"Bang" you woke up with a fright, you sat up and looked around you and seen on the wall clock it was 9.30 am, you heard the water run so you turned towards the kitchen, there was Rafael looking like a mess, hair everywhere, still in the same cloths, having a drink of water.

You both didn't say anything. You sat up, folded up the blanket you used, put your shoes on and headed to the front door without a word. You had seen him awake, he was fine so you could leave.

"Wait, where are you going?"

"Home, your awake and fine I can leave now" he ran after you and grabbed your arm.

"No please don't go" you looked down at the floor. "Give me 10 minutes to shower, please. I have some explaining to do"

You pulled out of his grip and walked into the kitchen to make some toast and coffee for yourself while he had a shower.

You were sitting at the dining room table, with your coffee cup resting on your bottom lip looking into no where. You guys had been together for a while now, but this was the first really serious fight you guys had.

----

Rafael stood in the shower and let the water run over him and flashes of what happened came running back. Yes he was upset about the case, the DA wasn't happy, but he didn't cop it has much as he thought. But to say what he said to you, what a horrible thing to say. Age never mattered to you, and you always put people in their place when it was brought up. So why did he say that. He sounded like his father, and that's what drove him to drink that much. He couldn't have that, acting like his Dad, he prided himself to act the complete opposite. What he said would have pushed you away, he knew that. But he loved you way too much to let you go.

----

He walked out in a pair of dress pants and a white under shirt, his suspenders hanging down around him. He knew you messaged Camera, because when he woke up he had a message from her asking him what case files he needed when he came in that afternoon. He remembered you had over night that night, so he had time to try and make this better.

He seen you sitting at the table holding your coffee mug, with a tear rolling down your cheek.

"Please don't cry Hermosa" as he sat down on the chair opposite you. You wiped the tear away with the back of your hand.

"Say what you need to say, so I can go home" You looked down at the table

"I'm so sorry Mi Hermosa. I never should have said what I said. You’re not that at all, you’re an amazing person and I love you. And I'm sorry about last night. Treating you the way I did- I’m ashamed. I sounded like my father. I ran away and drank stupid instead of trying to fix it. I 'am not going to be like him"

You snapped your eyes off the table and looked at Rafael’s face, it was filled with sadness and his eyes were damp with tears.

"I didn't like what you said to me, I'm not some emotional little girl, I’ am a strong grown ass women. I understand you were mad, but if you’re going to start treating me like that and speaking to me like that after cases, I can't work with you anymore. I'll be off cases that involve you or we break up, we can't do both if it's going to be like this"

Tears ran down Rafael’s cheeks. He knew he over stepped.

"You are strong, one of the strongest I know. I love you and I love working with you. You’re an amazing detective, I don't want any of that to happen. I want to grow old with you"

"You can't walk around and say nasty things like that to me and not expect me to be upset or mad or react. You took your anger out on me in one of the nastiest way you could have. You knew saying that would push the right buttons, that's not you Rafi, you’re not that person"

You got up, walked into the kitchen and washed up your mug and plate so you could leave. You were washing up with tears running down your face and Rafael was sitting at the table with his head in his hands, his big tears landing on the table.

You finished quickly and headed to the front door, before you knew it Rafael grabbed you from behind wrapping his arms around your middle and pulled you into him, resting his head on your back.

"Please don't go" you could feel his wet face through your t shirt.

You spun around in his grip and faced him, his eyes were blood shot and filled with tears.

"I' am not my father"

"No you’re not. You are Rafael Barba, the most amazing ADA in Manhattan, if not New York. Your smart, kind, sassy, extremely sexy and have the best suspenders collection in the whole of the USA-"

You both giggled through your tears. You reached up to cup his face with both hands, rubbing your thumbs over his cheeks.

"And you’re my boyfriend. I love you Rafi. Couples fight and that's fine, but nasty things like that being said just to hurt the other person, we can't be doing that"

"I’ am so so sorry Hermosa, I never want to risk losing you. If I ever lost you I would be losing my soul mate, please forgive me?"

You pulled his face towards you and kissed him lightly on the lips. You could feel his tongue running along your bottom lip so you opened your mouth slightly and moved your head so he could deepen his kiss.

His hands were resting on your hips, he pushed you up against the wall. You wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him even closer. Rafael slid his hands up your shirt to your bra back and undone it, pulled it out and threw it on the floor, he grabbed the hem of your t shirt and pulled it up over your head. Only breaking the kiss when it slipped over your face. He landed back on your lips again, then started to kiss down your neck, you grabbed the hem of his under shirt and pulled it up over him.

He continued to kiss all over your neck and around your collar bone. He ran his hands down your sides to the waist of your jeans then around to the button and he undone it, he slid both of his hands down the back and grabbed your ass in each hand. You could feel him hardening up against you.

He pulled away and looked in yours eyes,

"I will love you as long as I live”

132 notes · View notes

deepiphany · 4 years

Text

“When I close my eyes, it's you there in my mind”

“Why do I pull you close and then ask you for space?”

✿8 LETTERS✿

Jennifer pushed her back to prevent them to fall in her face. Today was a long day. She had to stay back in Uni to complete an assignment as she had completely forgot about and if she hadn't turned it in today itself, she couldn't have been able to pass the semester. As she had turned in the due assignment and looked at her watch, she had thought, 'I'm... Doomed!!! RUN!'. She was late for her work.

She had to work extra hours than what her shift was to compensate for being late. On normal days, her work place manager would have let her off the hook since she was always quite punctual but since she worked in a food place and since it was weekend, there was too much crowd and they often needed more employees than usual to handle everything smoothly.

She smiled sadly as she realised that there won't be anyone worrying about her going home late since she lived alone. She didn't have a boyfriend who would occasionally check on her either. All her friends were just as busy as she was so she didn't expect anything from them.

On her way out of the 'Staff Only' room which she had been in for the past ten minutes for a quick rest, she collided with someone near the exit.

"Oh I'm sorry." She apologized quickly. "I wasn't looking—" she looked up at the person standing in front of her and paused. "Oh, Cameron!"

She knew Cameron since the day she had joined here. He was pretty easy to get along with as he was very charming, friendly and out going. They worked together for a few months and then their shifts never overlapped again after her Uni started. She had started missing him a lot, unaware of the fact that she might've developed a little spot in her heart for him.

"It's alright." He smiled at her. "I need to go though, kinda in a hurry. Let's catch up with each other later!" He said as he began walking in the direction of the Kitchen.

"Works with me." Jennifer yelled loud enough for him to hear as he had already stepped inside the kitchen by then.

'Alright. You can pull through! Only a few minutes left until I'm free!' She thought to herself as she looked at the clock.

She worked diligently no matter how hard it was on her until the last minute of her shift. She wondered how all these people went out like this on such a cold night. It was the start of winter and everyone were wearing coats or sweaters and gloves to warm themselves up. Sadly for Jennifer they didn't have a warm uniform so she occasionally had shivers run down her spine everytime the door opened and the cold wind blew right by her side.

She smiled merrily when the clock ticked to terminate her working hours for that day and quickly removed her apron as she made her way towards the changing room.

She changed quickly in her regular clothes and put on some warm clothes over then. As soon as she got out as she started looking for Cameron. She would be lying if she said she wasn't excited to spend some time with him after all these months.

She searched for him everywhere but to no vail. He couldn't be found anywhere. She pouted sadly as she thought he might've been too tired and had forgot about her. He might've just went straight home.

She sighed as she left her working building and started walking towards her appartment on the sidewalk. It was pretty late so there was no one to be seen on the road. Buses had stopped running so she had no choice but to just walk.

A long time had passed until she sensed someone's presence behind her. She heard someone's footstep's walking in the same pace as she was.

At first she thought that it might be someone innocent. But she got a little taste of fear when that person seemed to take the exact same turns as her at intersections.

'It's okay. They might be living in the same area as mine.' She consoled herself.

She licked her lips nervously when the footsteps started to speed and could be heard closer and closer to her.

'No! This isn't it!' She started running for her dear life.

"Whoever you are! Just back off! I have a weapon on me!" She tried to threaten them with wavering voice.

"Jennifer!" They called out her name making her halt in tracks. "It's me— ouch!"

They hadn't expected her to stop all of a sudden and bumped their nose on the back of her head.

"Cameron!" She whipped around with anger evident in her voice. "What the hell do you think you are doing?"

"I was worried about you, okay?" He said as he rubbed his nose with his hands to lower the pain that he felt. "No need to raise your voice at me like this. It's just that it's quite late so I wanted to accompany you."

Her anger quickly dissipated upon listening to his words. "Oh Cameron..." She said with a small smile on her lips.

"Also, I've been wanting to say something..." He trailed off as both of them began walking together.

"Shoot." Jennifer said as her veins filled with thrill. She knew where this was going. Finally she was going to see the day she had been waiting for!

"You know me the best, you know my worst, seen me hurt, but you don't judge, that, right there, is the scariest feeling..."

"W-what are you talking about?" She said, completely taken aback. 'I don't know anything about you except for the small time we spent together working!' she thought to herself.

"Opening and closing up again I've been hurt so I don't trust. Now here we are, staring at the ceiling." He continued to say.

"We're on a road... Staring at a lamp post..." She said as she made a weird face. What the hell was going through Cameron's mind?

"Isn't it amazing?" He said as he took her hands in his, making her blush a little. She was thankful that it was winter so she already had redness on her cheeks making it hard to notice her blushing.

"How almost every line on our hands align, when your hand's in mine—"

"We're literally wearing gloves right now, idiot!" She frowned at him.

"It's like I'm whole again. Isn't that a sign? I should speak my mind?" He asked her.

She pulled her hand out of his grip with force. "What the hell are you talking about, Cameron? If you're here to play decipher the cryptogram then I'm sorry I don't have time for your BS. Leave me alone if this is what you wanted to do!" She began walking away from him.

"All it is...is... eight letters..." He stammered. "So why is it so hard to say?"

She halted in her steps and gulped in anticipation. Was he going to say the exact same thing that she had imagined?

"What eight letters are you talking about?" She turned around to ask him and walked closer to him to hear him clearly.

"I— I. Uh... I don't know how to say it... I— I'm sorry..."

She smiled kindly towards him. "It's okay," she said. "I won't make fun of you. No one would know what you say to me now." She took his hands in hers.

"B... BUTTOCKS!" He finally managed to say.

"What the hell?" She pushed his hands away from her, making Cameron stumble backwards. "Are you freaking crazy? What do you expect me to say?" She felt so offended at his words. "IDIOT!" She yelled. "You don't know anything!"

"Then what do you want me to say!? What should've I said, huh!?" He yelled back at her in frustration.

"It's so freaking easy, you idiot!" She sighed in frustration.

"FARTFACE!"

___________________________

I know! I know that I raised everyone's expectations by adding some image aesthetics (that I totally didn't rip off of Pinterest) and lyrics aesthetics in the beginning but then you scroll towards the end and see "FARTFACE" and just wonder what happened here O_o

Ugh idek what happened here it's all because I couldn't get this out of my head when writing this—

[my screenrecorder sucks at recording good quality audio bare with me :)]

“It isn't cute nor is it funny, I've written a cursed story” — Dee; December 2020

I KNOW I WON'T GET ANY STORIES REQUESTS NOW AND IT'S OKAY I UNDERSTAND WHY ANYONE WOULD NOT WANT TO ASK ME TO WRITE ANYTHING FOR THEM(ᗒᗩᗕ)

#8 letters #why don't we #wdw jonah #wdw jack #wdw zach #wdw corbyn #wdw daniel #free write #writblr #writers on tumblr #writing #my writing #writers #asks open #send me asks #ask me anything #cursed story #Spotify

7 notes · View notes

hejer-maomao · 6 years

Text

The long-awaited second part of this ask is finally here!

I was actually planning on posting this last night, but I had a couple of health related issues to take care of, so I chose to push it back until I felt better.

I hope you enjoy this continuation, and let your heart be crushed with all the oncoming angst ❤

(First Part: Lancelot watching his S/O die)

Trigger Warning: Very Heavy Angst, mentions of Blood, Major Character Death.

Edgar Watching his S/O die:

Edgar felt his world falling apart around him.

And he wished nothing but to die.

Edgar’s empty eyes, devoid of all human emotions, were glued to the the young man sitting in front of him restrained in handcuffs. The judge’s deep voice was announcing the final verdict, but Edgar could not find it in himself to properly listen, gaze still locked tightly on his most hated enemy. He could faintly feel Jonah's gaze on the back of his head, his superior ready at all moments to step in and stop Edgar from committing any grave action.

Zero, hand clenched tightly around the hilt of his sword was sticking close to his side as well, his presence although usually soothing to him, was making Edgar's wrath raise in intensity.

His King's eyes were also on him, the only thing barely keeping him in check. Minutes painfully ticked by, as the criminal received his rightful sentence and rose up from his seat to be escorted to his assigned prison. The now convicted man slowly raised his head and started searching through the crowd in the court, a disgusting smirk growing on his face as soon as he spotted Edgar sitting in the front row.

Edgar saw red.

He saw crimson blood, heard agonizing screams, and felt your body growing cold between his arms.

He saw your killer, alive and well, walking away from him, a week after your funeral.

And the nightmare played out in his head again.

Edgar has never been this happy before.

How could he not be when his bloody past has been finally buried, his real self accepted, and his love returned? You were the very light of his life, the sunshine to his darkness, the smile erasing his loneliness. You wholeheartedly embraced his every flaw, and poured so much affection into his broken soul that he felt the desire to live burn in his veins for the fist time in a very long time.

That desire was his first mistake.

But nothing lasts forever.

And because the worst things in life come free to us, soon things took an abrupt turn for the worst.

It was a slightly cold afternoon when Edgar saw you off on your way to pay Blanc a visit. Cradle’s Official Record Holder has apparently invited you to have a cup of tea with him, and you were more than glad to accept his offer. Your smile was shining brightly as you kissed your lover goodbye, hand coming up to softly caress his cheek before you waved at him. Grinning when he spotted the delicate bracelet he gave to you on your last birthday, which you were proudly showing off on your wrist, the Jack of Hearts watched you skip across the paved road, heart feeling at ease.

Waiting until your small figure disappeared from his sight, Edgar tuned around to get back to his neglected duties, when a loud voice stopped him in his tracks.

One of the his unit’s newest recruits stood behind him, a bouquet of flowers held carefully in his hands. The soldier quickly saluted his superior, before handing him the beautifully wrapped gift, tone formal as he announced.

“This was just delivered for you, Sir.”

Raising one eyebrow in sheer curiosity, Edgar slowly pulled off the thin veil protecting the flowers’ fragile petals as he questioned.

“Who was the sender?”

“I-I am not sure, sir.” The soldier nervously responded, “We have found the bouquet in front of the main gate, with your name written on its accompanied card, so we have brought it to you, after checking it for any harmful substances or hidden poison.”

Lightly nodding his head in incomplete understanding, Edgar finally took a good look at the delivered flowers, eyes suddenly widening in shock as he recognized the deceivingly vibrant colour.

They were Purple Petunia.*

Edgar’s breath was caught in his throat, but he quickly regained control of himself, dismissing the confused soldier before hastily entering the Headquarters, directly heading to his office.

Once inside, Edgar made sure to properly lock the door before turning his attention back to the suspicious bouquet. He was never a true believer in flowers’ meanings and symbols, but he did recognize its practical usage while sending a coded message to a certain enemy, thus he was unable to dismiss this particularly ominous flower.

Carefully picking up the small card hidden between the delicate stems, Edgar took a deep breath and concentrated on reading the following message.

‘Dead men tell no tales.

But when gone are the hidden veils,

Guide the Gentle Devil to his doomed rails.’

The foreboding note sent a shiver down Edgar’s spine, his heart dropping as a sinister feeling seemed to completely envelop his senses. Shaking his head in a futile attempt to shake the dark, unreasonable thoughts swarming in his mind, Edgar soon spotted an address at the bottom of the card in an almost unreadable handwriting.

Incapable of making sense of the flowers, card or creepy note, Edgar let his body drop on his chair, suddenly feeling too exhausted to move. His logical side knew it was best to treat the entire thing as a unsavoury prank from one of the soldiers, but the the ill-boding feelings continued to grow further in Edgar’s head despite his resistance, and he wished he could see your face soon.

Glancing at the clock sitting on his desk, Edgar deduced that you would probably be back in two hours or so, considering the fact that Blanc’s house was not that far away from the Red Territory.

He can wait for you, and when you’re finally back, maybe this impending feeling will disappear for good.

Waiting was his second mistake.

And Edgar will come to realize so in the next few hours, as you were nowhere to be found.

“Is she not back yet?” Zero’s voice carried a hint of worry as he stepped beside Edgar, who was standing at the front gate, face completely blank. When Edgar did not respond, Zero sighed in defeat, eyes locked at the road where you were last seen in, before he muttered:

“She probably got caught up with Blanc’s idle chatting. She will be home soon, so don’t worry.”

Edgar’s mind barely registered his protege’s words as another wave of dread invaded his body. Something was incredibly wrong. Edgar simply knew it, and he couldn't help but to squeeze the hilt of his word even tighter.

“Sir!” A shout suddenly echoed behind the two men, forcing them to immediately turn to face the young soldier running to them in full speed. Edgar, recognizing his recruit from this morning’s delivery, didn't waste any time waiting for him to catch his breath, quickly snatching up the note held in his hands.

“We-- found another note-” The soldier struggled to properly breathe, “At the back gate this time-”

The note was partly covered in blood, instantly sending warning signs in Edgar’s head. Willing his hands to stop trembling, the Jack of Hearts unfolded the piece of paper, colour rapidly draining from his face as soon as a too-familiar bracelet fell from the folds, equally covered in blood.

Zero’s face twisted in pure shock just as Edgar crumbled the note in his clenched fist, eyes loosing every ounce of warmth at once.

Frozen in his spot, Zero was only able to watch Edgar calmly walk away from him, unhesitatingly heading towards the forbidden forest following the note’s specific orders. Small droplets were starting to fall from the grey sky, thunder growling in the far distance, turning the previously relaxed atmosphere to a gloomy one.

Zero harshly bit his lips and rushed back into the Red Headquarters, praying with all of his might that Edgar makes it to you before it’s too late.

Finding where you were kept hostage was an easy feat for Edgar, considering the fact that your kidnappers were generous enough and provided him with the address earlier this morning.

‘If only I realized their twisted plot earlier!’ Edgar bitterly thought as he made his way through the thick, dense vegetation covering what seemed from afar, as an abandoned cabin in the middle of nowhere.

Pausing to quickly sweep his surroundings, Edgar’s gaze finally spotted a young man standing in front of the lone cabin, absent-mindedly toying with a sharp dagger.

Few minutes passed in absolute silence, but even after straining his well-trained senses, Edgar found no proof of any other presence, apart from the seemingly uninvolved man.

Clenching his sword in preparation for a close battle, Edgar slowly stood up, fully exposing himself out in the open, anger steadily boiling in his veins the closer he got to the man. The latter didn't waste any time spotting the Jack of Hearts, a disgusting grin plastering on his face as he quickly reaches behind him to open the cabin door.

“Where is she?” Edgar’s frosty tone echoed throughout the empty space, making the man stop in the middle of his action, hand hovering over the doorknob.

His eyes, now clear of any trace of his previous mirth, unwaveringly fixed Edgar, voice equally cold as he muttered.

“That’s the first thing you say to me after all these years?”

Edgar subtly moved his hand closer to his sword, trying his best not to trigger the man’s wrath. In an attempt to keep your kidnapper too busy to act on his twisted whims, Edgar sought to distract him with the first question that came to his mind.

“Oh my. Have we met before?”

These six words were Edgar’s third fatal mistake.

The man’s hysterical laughter filled the deadly silence as Edgar continued to watch him doubled over, disgust written all over his face.

The man continued to laugh for what seemed like ages, only straightening out to properly open the door this time, voice revealing none of his emotions as he responds.

“...Have we now?”

His venomous whisper passed unnoticed as the door slowly opened to reveal the horrible sight inside.

You were tightly tied to a chair in the middle of the bare room, your mouth painfully bound with a dirty rag, forcing you into tormenting silence. From where he was standing, Edgar was only able to spot few nasty bruises scattered on your knees and several still-bleeding wounds engraved deep on your thighs.

Just the sight of you, badly hurt, with tears filling up your eyes as you struggled against your restraints, was more than enough to send Edgar into a fit of rage once again. You soon managed to lock eyes with your lover, a flicker of desperate hope finally returning to your eyes as Edgar took one step closer to you, hand reaching out to hold you close as soon as possible.

...Then there was blood. Everywhere.

Your eyes were still locked with Edgar even as your throat was slit open. Blood gushed from your open wound as life slowly seeped from your body. The crimson liquid slowly dripped from your neck to your chest and down to the ground, where the soil instantly absorbed it as it never existed within your veins. Your muscles twitched in a last, hopeless effort to cling to life before the fire igniting in your heart was put off for good.

Edgar stood frozen as seconds passed by, and only snapped awake from his dazedness when the man --your killer-- spoke, his tone terrifyingly indifferent.

“I sure hope you now remember me and my sister. The young girl you killed off by your own hands three years ago.”

The hazy memories of a young, red-haired girl trashing in his arms, hitting his chest and struggling against his hold as he choke her to death resurfaced in Edgar’s head.

‘Ah,’ The cursed Jack of Hearts quietly thought to himself, ‘How did I ever allow myself to forget the monster I am?’

Edgar have always believed that his past will not leave him in peace. He knew that his bloody sins will definitely come back to haunt him sooner or later, but he never thought the victim this time will be you.

Edgar chuckled to himself, sword falling to the floor.

‘I give up’.

The following events occurred too quickly for Edgar to fully comprehend, as if he was observing them from a very far place. Red soldiers, led by Zero and Jonah, quickly filled the cabin, arresting the man without any resistance, and recovering your corpse in the process.

Zero’s face was twisted in extreme agony the minute he spotted the bloody scene, and Jonah was unable to stay for more than few minutes in there, quickly running away to hide his tears from his soldiers.

Edgar stood perfectly still right in front of you, smile eternally frozen on his face.

‘I'm sorry, love. You were my cure and I was your disease. You were saving me and I was slowly killing you.’

Edgar’s heart died with you that day.

(*Purple Petunia symbolizes resentment and anger. Do not let its vibrant, beautiful colours fool you, this flower is usually associated with malicious feelings and heavy grudges.)

See? I'm somehow able of NOT killing off my favourite characters in these stories!

This second part in particular took way too long for me to brainstorm, craft, write, correct and even more to edit.

I couldn't have done it without the lovely @edgarbright who not only helped me create the initial story frame, but also bared with many of my failed ideas, blabbering and whining before coming up with this final draft. Girl, I really cannot thank you enough ❤ She was the first person that came to my mind as soon as I received this ask for Edgar, and I was not rejected despite my sudden ask for help! Many kudos go to her!

My Ask Box is still open for the moment, so make sure to make the most out of it! I’m looking forward to your Asks!

#ikemen revolution #edgar bright #i think this part came out more dramatic rather than angsty!#but i still cannot decide which part is more tragic #i cried while writing both in any case...#😭😭#i'm so torturing my own self with this as well!

93 notes · View notes