#i wouldnt even be mad like okay he killed someone but he DESERVES to its a lil treat for my baby boy

[stevie-petey]

hiiiiiiiii honey <3 could we get a blurb about bug telling steve about jonathan’s outburst towards her after he took the pictures of nancy and steve’s reaction to learning about it???? it would be so so appreciated by me <3 you’re the best ever <3 MWAH

(i am being held against my will to write this jonathan sweetie im so sorry) (i love u val) (u are evil)

i know this isnt necessarily what u MEANT but ,,, ive been dying to expand upon bugs kindness and how it may seem annoying and pathetic, but its hers ! its her kindness !!!

enjoy <3

"no way you guys havent wanted to strangle each other at least once." steve remarks one day as he watches you and jonathan work side by side at the cash register.

jonathan had been bored today and decided to join you and steve at work, something that you're very happy about, honestly.

"oh, ive definitely wanted to strangle jonathan," you say, writing down a new shipment receipt while the boy next to you doodles.

steve rolls his eyes. "old married couple squabbling doesnt count. im talking, like, full on betrayal and hurt here. you guys are always so... you, and it has to be an act."

jonathan snorts. "shouldve seen the fights we had last year. surprised y/n didnt kill me with her bare hands."

"i dont believe you."

"no, hes right." you look up at steve. "he threw a jacket at my face last year and then told me we werent family the night he took those pictures of nancy. then cried in my arms like a day later."

steve stares at you, shocked.

"i also then slept in nancys bed and lied about it. and tried leaving you behind a few times."

"that you did," you flick jonathans ear, causing him to wince in pain. "you deserved that."

"i did."

during this entire exchange, steve hasnt said a single word. hes still stunned, baffled by the fact that jonathan could be so cruel to someone so wonderful.

"wait a second," he looks between you and jonathan. "and youre still friends?"

"yeah." you both say at the same time.

steve cant fucking believe it. you do anything and everything for jonathan, that much is obvious, and sure. steve has seen jonathan do small acts of kindness towards you, devote the same back, but to throw a jacket at you and belittle you? and now here he is, joking about it alongside you. as if it was all okay in the end.

"youre too nice sometimes, y/n." the words leave steves lips before he can stop them. once he realizes what hes said, he looks up at jonathan and panics. "sorry, man. im sure you guys talked it out and... yeah."

jonathan shrugs. "no, youre right. she is and i was dick."

"im right here, you know."

steve winces. "sorry."

"its fine, honestly." you go back to scribbling shipment orders. "i am indeed too nice, but i dont ever really see the point in holding a grudge? i mean, jonathan apologized and i understood the stress he was under. sure, it didnt erase all the hurt he caused, but after almost dying immediately after being mad at him for not including me in something... i dont know. it felt silly to hold onto that anger after. childish, even."

jonathan and steve share a look, for once both seeming to think the same thing.

shes too good.

you hate that they do this. you hate that people view your kindness as a weakness. after the hell youve been through, long before monsters even came to hawkins, youve learned the hard way just how rare kindness is.

now you try to be kind to everything and everyone, no matter what it may cost you.

the kindness is yours, no one elses.

and if that makes you weak, then at least it made you better.

you tear two pieces paper from your notebook, scrunch them up into balls, and then throw them at steve and jonathan. "stop pitying me. im kind and i love that aspect of myself. i dont care if it makes me vulnerable or pathetic. its a piece of me, and i wouldnt change it. if you dont like it, then that belittles me even more than emotional outbursts ever could."

jonathan sighs. "youre right, bug. youre a very kind and lovely person and its what makes you a joy to be around, paper balls and all."

steve plays along. "definitely a better super power than spider-man, dare i say."

"okay, lets not get ahead of ourselves now," you giggle, appreciative of both the boys. they may not understand or like the way you view the world, but theyre at least trying.

its all you could ask for.

even if steve later on that day pulls you aside to whisper, "i think i can kick jonathans ass this time, if you ever need it."

and its enough.

[cinnamonest]

Big thanks to @mycatjesus for this Razor art! Based on this post

I love his soft little smile he's so oblivious, he just wants darling to be happy with him for taking care of all the enemies and for keeping you well-fed 🥺🥺

[kittydripuwu]

Hey can I request for Bsd Boys headcannon :dazai, chuuya, and akutagawa reacting seeing their s/o flinch after they almost snapped out of anger at them (s/o can be gender neutral or female)

hihi! hope this is okay <3 enjoy!

dazai, chuuya and akutagawa (+fyodor) seeing their s/o flinch hcs

words - 962

warnings - swearing

genre - angsty fluff hcs

note - yes ik fyodor wasn't requested but i felt like adding him

dazai osamu

- argument stems probably from you hanging out with chuuya or someone really pissing him off

- very manipulative during arguments, will almost never be reasonable whether its something you did or not

- dazai's not one to show much emotion in the first place so he wouldn't really show you how mad he actually is

- but eventually he will go off if he lingers on it for too long

- will start off by talking with an angry tone but eventually will escalate to yelling

- this will scare you and make you flinch considering that you've never really seen him this mad

- will see you flinch and instantly stop yelling at you

- realises that hes gone too far instantly

- he'll apologise calmly and forget whatever he was angry about in the first place because man like he scared of losing you

- you are like EVERYTHING to him like u are his reason to live so please just forgive this man hes trying his best to be a better person

- will keep apologizing until he feels you've finally forgiven him (even tho u did when he first apologised)

- makes it up to you by cuddles or stargazing with him ( please i see dazai as the type of person to just stargaze for hours like idk why but it makes sense to me??)

- he'll hold you close and tell you sweet lil things like "i love you" "you know i would never hurt you"

- WILL make u promise to never leave him because man this got hiM SCARED like hes fucking scared of people just leaving him when he gets too close

- so please, reassure him that this was nothing to you and that it's okay, it was just a small argument (even tho it wasnt that small)

- but ya overall expect good cuddles and hugs after, as an apology

- and kisses like everywhere

chuuya nakahara

- oh boy

- we know this man has some anger issues

- idk what he would possibly get mad about but tbh it probably wouldnt be anything related to you

- will probably start ranting about someone that made him mad at work or overall just something really small that pissed him off

- very short tempered (haha short)

- you let him yell for a good while because you know he needs to let some sort of anger out

- but it will get scary shortly after he starts he kinda just goes nuts

- no self control when hes angry

- he wont even realise the look on ur face

- ur scared, admit it

- he may be short but hes SCARY when mad

- anyways

- when he sees you flinch  tho, dead silence in the room

- he goes QUIET which is rare for chuuya yes

- the one thing hes very afraid of is hurting you, he would never want to hurt you in anyway

- will give you the biggest hug

- tells you he loves you and hes sorry

- reassures you that he would never wanna hurt you or make you scared of him

- pls he loves you so much

- wont let go of you for the REST OF THE NIGHT

- he needs to make sure you know that you're safe in his arms

akutagawa ryunosuke

- um this boy is just ANGRY always

- would probably get mad cause of atsushi being praised by dazai

- "why him"

- please hes been through so much oh my god this man

- dazai wtf how could u hurt this poor boi

- ANYWAYS

- yeah he'll be really fucking heated and just fucking yell and threaten to kill anyone around him (if theres anyone else there apart from you)

- bye this is awful but i feel like he would accidentally activate his rashomoun and break something -

- so ya when he sees you flinch for the first time, i feel like he wouldn't really thing anything of it until he sees you do it again a couple of times

- he'll stop yelling and talking in general

- he wouldn't really know what to say or do tbh

- but will apologise

- will get sad cause he didn't wanna make u scared of him

- like yes he wants people to fear him but hello?? not you omg ur special to him <3

- will probably walk away for like an hour and keep to himself until he's ready to properly apologise to you

- will then give you a hug and let you sleep in his arms

- i dont see aku as being very physically affectionate but yeah dw you'll get ur well deserved cuddles <3

fyodor dostoevsky

- tbh i wouldnt put it past nikolai to piss him off LMAO like he would fully annoy him SO much

- but its okay cuz we love niko <3

- sorry but i cannot see this man yelling

- hes just so calm?

- and collected?

- how -

- anyways

- so hard to read like you have no clue what hes thinking like EVER?

- but you can tell hes mad when his eyes go all dark and he talks like SUPER calmly with 0 emotion in his voice

- he'll scare you

- i mean who wouldn't be scared of him

- you'd probably flinch from just the way he talks so fucking CALMLY

- like how? is? he? so? calm? yet? angry?

- oh boy he would def feel bad for going all scary on you

- "im sorry, milaya" (darling)

- he would say that so calmly aswell-

- would give you a forehead kiss and light hug and go to his lil work room for like 3 hours

- you will not see him until its time to sleep where he'll cuddle you and apologise again

- "i would never want to scare my little myshka" (mouse) he would say that to you as you fall asleep

- will give u so many forehead kisses PLZ

[ravysu]

Sannin headcanons and thoughts

The last thing I would like to post for the sannin week. It is still 24.04 here! :D @sannin-central

This is long. Spoiler alert. Mostly Orochimaru, some Tsunade, a little of Jiraiya (because his story is pretty clear and spoken and idk what I can add). Also I recommend to read this meta about Orochimaru, it has influenced me a lot and has some good points. Sorry for any posible grammar mistakes. Also I really should put here a lot of references to the manga or anime but it was something that was piling up for a year and I'm soooooooo lazy. After all, those are just headcanons. Also: Im not excusing Oro's bad stuff here, Im trying to understand the reasons.

Ive already posted some hcs, here, here and here.

1. First if all, the chronology pic of sannin lifetime based on the info i found on naruto wiki and also some statements about wars from this post. It was tough considering what a mess naruto’s chronology is.

2. Sannin story shows what it cost to be a legend. They're like Team 7 but more realistic. Tsunade literally carried the war but left with nothing and developed a ptsd and have problems to just live on. Also anger control issues. I think she can be pretty bossy and stubborn which is not always nice. Jiraiya is the hero of the day but also very idealistic and can ignore some important details in the real word whether its the fight (he always injured during flashbacks maybe because each time he took too much to handle and on the one hand it's heroistic but on the other is a mistake that can lead your team to situations like in that Iwa cave) or your friends issues (I bet he saw what's going on but thought it's fine until Oro actually got red handed and left). He lives in his world and may have problems to get out to see it through someone else's shoes. As for Orochimaru, it seems like he was a normal guy for 20+ years (I mean, he didn't do crazy criminal shit and had something good in him and it was stated somewhere that it was his teammates influence. It is obvious they considered him as a friend, I don't thinks it was for nothing) but we mostly know his darkest side. Despite being a moster he is a human that have empathy and some ordinary human traits (man just decorates every bit of an environment he is in lol).

3. Tsunade was the leader of team Hiruzen.

4. Tsunade sometimes hit Jiraiya for some stupid things he did or said but never touches Orochimaru even if he did something same. Jiraiya complained about it once and almost got another hit.

5. Jiraiya had problematic parents that didn't care about him much and a lot of time he was wandering in the streets.

6. Judging by the look of Oro bangs and hair, he sometimes cut it off. A stress relief huh? And the fact that he doesn't do it now in Boruto..

7. It was shown that Tsunade and Orochimaru was acknowledged before they become a team. Maybe they did just before, or maybe some longer time before. I prefer the second option and hc that they met because both had no real friends - Orochimaru seemed weird and scary for everyone and Tsunade was Senju so everyone wanted to hang out with her but didn't really care. They weren't seen as what they were - people put the labels on them. But they didn't care about each other's labels and actually saw each other in true lights.

8. Tsunade knew it was an accident and it's not right but still she blamed Orochimaru for Nawaki's death for some time. It was something that seriously damaged their friendship and the team. Orochimaru was mad but also guilty, after all, he was responsible at least as a shinobi since Nawaki was under his watch. So he started to act cold and emotionless and was trying to distance himself from his teammates.

9. Jiraiya was in Ame while Dan died.

10. The whole his orphans mission was a bit irresponsible tbh. They already fought Hanzo and as he stated the conflict between Konoha and Ame is going to an end with Konoha's win. It's weird to stay here for three years in the middle of the war while there were other lands to fight. He left his teammates for some idea. Maybe that caused another crack in their team friendship.

11. If Tsunade would have find a way to live on with her trauma and follow the will of fire and stuff it would affect Orochimaru as well just as her grief affected him. It's like he would get an example that you can live on with this pain. So death isn't above human capability and we are not just the slaves of mortality (sounds stupid but i dont know how else to describe sorry). But as we know what he actually saw is that it broke her crucially to the point she couldnt be herself again. And so the death is above everything.

12. Oro wasn’t just acting as a cold pragmatic bitch in that cave but also tried to save Tsunade. Jiraiya knew it and that’s why he showed this sign to him like "I see what youre doing here" and that stunned Oro because he would prefer to look rather like a cold pragmatic bitch hehe

13. Just a thought. People in the village probably treated Oro as a foreigner or just wouldnt accept him because he looked so differently and had a weird attitude. That's why he sometimes didn't feel that Konoha is his home. After the wars where people were treated as means and tools, even the children, he himself developed this view on people - he dehumanized them and used as the means to his goals, just as his village did. Funny thing some people were straightly dehumanizing him too like Ibiki thought that he was a demon (tho he was a child). And he probably weren't the only one. Anyways the point is that it's logical that Orochimaru don't care about anybody but some few people, he's the product of his era. He's like Naruto that would chose the hatred way. But naruto had some good and understanding people around him and.. Orochimaru had them too, but match how Iruka treated Naruto and this Hiruzen's "I sAw tHe mAliCe in This cHiLd fRoM tHe BegGinNinG". And oro didn't even have a big ass evil fox in him. sry i hate hiruzen

ANYWAYS the moral of the story is not "go criminal if they hurt you" but always treat people like people. Waving my hand to Kant.

14. The reason why Orochimaru didn't pick some good morals to stick with through the hard times no matter what (like, idk, Jiraiya or Naruto) is because 1) I think he is/was pretty depending on people around him 2) the war fucked him and his friends up too much (Nawaki incident + Tsunade) 3) twisted addictions (though I don't think he's that sadistic, we never saw him torturing randoms just for fun, it was always some science experimental shit. He tends to get fun out of cruelty only when it's personal) that maybe developed as a way to sublimate anger and sadness caused by his parents loss (that's what they share with sasuke - unlicke naruto, they knew their parents and it's other kind of pain. Sasuke developed a revenge issue and Orochimaru - cruelty pleasure which... is kinda the same but less epic and more occasional lol).

15. Speaking of that, Orochimaru cared for Sasuke because he saw himself in him.

16. Oro hold grudges against Hiruzen for not choosing him to be Hokage not only because he was ambitious and/or egoistic, but also because Hiruzen was some kind of a father figure for him and his approval was important tho i doubt he was aware of that. He also probably could tell that Hiruzen was suspicios about him when he was a child and that led to many conflicts and was hurting as well.

17. Tsunade knew things weren't pretty with Orochimaru after the wars but she never expected them to be this bad. During the week that she was given in her arc she thought not only about how much she wants to see Nawaki and Dan again despite how wrong would it be but also was trying to bury all the good memories she had left of Orochimaru so it would be easier to kill him.

18. She poisoned Jiraiya exactly because she knew he would not let her do it. Jiraiya was always hesitant to kill and inclined to forgiveness, while Tsunade, as mentioned by Orochimaru, could be merciless (so much so that he was not surprised when Kabuto suggested that she wanted to use Jira for Edo Tensei).

19. That was one of her traits that scared Jiraiya and fascinated Orochimaru.

20. Remember how Oro grabbed Jiraiya's neck when the latter was trying to cover with hair jutsu? On the snake, in Tsnade's arc. Orochimaru could have easily kill Jiraiya by pulling the sword out of the mouth (arteries are right there) but he didn't. As well as he could kill Tsunade when she was still shaking - just aim for the neck or the heart. Instead, he just injured her lung and kicked her which is not a big deal for the kind of shinoby like her at all.. Also he helped Anko not accidentally kill herself but it would be way much profitable to let her do it. "Orochimaru has no feelings".

21. The reason he suddenly wanted to kill Tsunade instead of forcing her to heal his arms as it was planned (which is weird since it will not going to get him heals and he kinda said that he wouldn't want to kill her just minutes ago) is that not only she refused to help him (he thought he could work it out) but she also prefered the village over him (from his point of view). Out if everyone she was the closest to being able to understand him since the village caused her painful losses too but nevertheless she agreed to be on it's side.

22. He wasn't fighting her back in the end partly because he thought he deserved that. Somewhere deep inside hahah.

23. Tsunade got a fear to develop deep bonds so they probably weren't very close with Shizune (also the way she knocked her down in this hotel.. oh).

24. Orochimaru will be here when she'll die.

25. Orochimaru's eng dub to Tsunade: "I often wondered what it would be like to ring that pretty neck yours". No comments.

26. Orochimaru is either bi/pan or ace. Anything or nothing lmao

27. Hiruzen knew about at least some of the Oro’s illegal experiments and was okay just as he was okay with the Foundation all the time. Because it’s useful. Then he has discovered he went too far OR he knew everything and oro just became too inconvenient because of his methods. The way Orochimaru tells Sasuke about reasons they are well treated as the criminals is based on in his experience with Hiruzen.

28. As you may know the lyrics in Orochimaru’s music theme goes “don’t talk with the silence of the heart”. It was taken from one Indian song that also had lines like “don’t question life too much”, ”pain arose somewhere in the chest”, “don’t speak to the wounds of the heart”. Though I’m not sure 100% because I was translating it with some hindi dictionary with like zero knowledge of hindi

29. I like to think that this “silence of the heart” theme and the fact that he called his village a hidden sound village are somehow connected. The hidden sound is the possible explanation of all things waiting to be listened to but the truth is silent and you know it deep in your heart and it bothers you. The world is silent just like the life is meaningless but people can only hear. *Sigh* anyways

30. Orochimaru’s journey is the one about accepting death. When he saw Karin released her chains while was trying to get to Sasuke he understood that the death is a part of human’s strength.

Can’t wait to feel that everything I wrote is wrong or not enough or stupid and obvious lol. Anyways, it’s something that I wanted to share until I move to some other fandom.

[wylanvaneckkinnie]

YALL. OKAY SO IM LOOKING FOR THIS FIC ON AO3 I READ A LONG TIME AGO. THE PAIRING WAS CLINT/LOKI AND THE PREMISE IS BASICALLY THEY GOT STUCK ON A RANDOM PLANET AND THEY GOT STUCK THERE FOR YEARS AND OVERTIME THEY GOT USED TO EACH OTHER AND ITS THIS CUTE ANGSTY BUT FLUFFY FIC AND THEN THEY HAD TO DO A RITUAL TO GET BACK AND THEY NEEDED A SACRIFICE. A MORTAL SACRIFICE. AND OBVI LOKI DOESNT WANT TO KILL CLINT SO HE WAS PLANNING TO JUST STAY THERE FOR THE REST OF THEIR LIFE BUT CLINT FOUND OUT AND GOT MAD BCS HE WANTS TO GO HOME THEN HE FINDS OUT THE PRICE AND WAS WILLING TO DO IT FOR LOKI BUT LOKI WOULDNT LET HIM AND WHEN THEY'RE BOTH FIGHTING TO KILL THEMSELF, LOKI JUST STRAIGHT UP JUST STAB HIMSELF. OFC CLINT STARTS CRYING AND SHIT BUT THEN HE SEEMED TO COME BACK TO LIFE AND CLINT WAS TRANSPORTED INTO THIS DREAM LIKE WORLD WHERE EVERYTHING IS THE SAME BUT EVERYTHINGS WHITE AND HAZY LIKE. HE SAW DREAM LOKI AND ASKED WHATS HAPPENING AND HE JUST SAID THAT WHEN HE BELIEVES HIMSELF TO BE MORTAL THEN THE SACRIFICE WOULD WORK. SO IT WORKS AND CLINT WAS BACK AT CANON ERA BUT APPARENTLY HE JUST DISSAPEARED FOR LIKE A FEW MONTHS EVEN THOUGH HE COULD'VE SWORN IT WAS YEARS (he was right ofc but time just decides to fuck wit him) ANYWAY HE GOT THERAPY AND TREATED FOR ANY INJURIES THEN THIS THERAPIST ASKED HIM LIKE DID HE PARTICIPATE IN SEXUAL ENCOUNTERS WITH LOKI AND HE DENIES IT AT FIRST THEN RELUCTANTLY SAID THAT IT WAS FOR WARMTH ONLY (it wasnt) AND AT ONE POINT LOKI WROTE SOMETHING ON HIS BACK IN ASGARDIAN AND WHEN ASKED ABOUT IT HE HIMSELF DOESNT KNOW WHAT IT MEANS SO THEY ASKED THOR TO DECHIPHER IT AND IT SAID SMTH FALCON OR BIRD OR SMTH BUT ONE NIGHT LOKI VISITS HIM AND GAVE HIM AN ARITFACT OF SOME SORT AND SAID THAT WHENEVER CLINT WANTS TO COME WITH HIM JUST BREAK THE THING AND HE'LL BE TELEPORTED THERE AND CANT GO BACK HERE SO HE SAID TO MAKE THE CHOICE CAREFULLY (after the ritual work loki got put in a planet by himself that he supposedly cant leave as punishment for getting himself and clint stuck in a random planet? for some reason?) WELL CLINT ASKED FRI TO RECORD THE ENCOUNTER WITH LOKI AND THEN REC HIMSELF SAYING GOODBYE TO WITH HIS BAGS PACKED AND EVERYTHING FOR FRI TO SEND TO NAT AND THEN HE BROKE THE THING AND LEFT. NAT SAW IT AND GAVE A SMALL SMILE AS SHE KNEW HER FRIEND BELONG THERE OR HOWEVER THE PHRASE GOES. ANYWAY I READ IT A LONG TIME AGO AND I CANT FIND IT ANYMORE SOMEONE HELP.

OH AND IDK IF THIS IS CONNECTED OR AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT FIC BUT THIS ONE GOES THAT CLINT HAD TO PRETEND THAT LOKI WAS HIS MASTER (the slave kind) AND HE WAS STUCK IN THIS SEX SLAVE PARTY WITH LOKI AND BCS HE IS VERY UNWILLING TO DO SHIT FOR LOKI, HE WAS VERY OUT OF PLACE AND THE HOST NOTICED HIM VERY EARLY ON BCS OF HIS MISBEHAVIOUR. HE ALSO BEFRIENDS THIS ONE SLAVE GIRL WHO HE WANTED TO SAVE BUT SHE DIED ANYWAY I THINK BUT ANYWAY BCS THE HOST SEES THAT HE'S NOT VERY OBEDIENT HE SLIPS AN APHRODISIAC IN HIS DRINK (to make him crave sex and everything so he will finally obey) LOKI WAS UNDOUBTLY FURIOUS AND DRAGGED CLINT TO HIS ROOM THERE AND WHEN HE WAS DOING THAT THE HOST AND THE PARTIERS WERE ALL LIKE OH CMON SHARE HIM WITH US (loki didnt) AS YOU CAN PROLLY GUESS HE HELPED CLINT THROUGHOUT THE NIGHT. (WITH CONSENT OK BCS HE DOESNT WANT CLINT TO SUFFER AND CLINT ALSO DOESNT WANT CLINT TO SUFFER) ANYWAY I ALSO DONT KNOW IF THIS IS RELATED OR NOT BUT IM PRETTY SURE ITS RELATED TO THIS ONE BUT NOT SO SURE WITH THE FIRST ONE BUT CLINT GOT WHIPPED BCS OF SMTH HE DID (i think he like tried to buy the slave that he wanted to save and that ended with getting her killed and him flogged) LOKI WATCHED AS CLINT TOOK IT UNTIL LIKE 20 WHEN HE FINALLY SAID THAT HE DESERVED ENOUGH AND THAT HE WILL PUNISH HIM FURTHER WHEN THEY'RE ALONE (he didnt, he just said it for show) IN THEIR ROOM HE MADE LIKE 2 MAID TREAT CLINT WOUNDS DAY AND NIGHT AND THERE WAS SOME CUTE FLUFF WITH LOKI HELPING HIM TO TREAT HIS WOUNDS AND EVEYTHING ANYWAYY THEY FINALLY ESCAPED THE PLANET (did i forget to metion this 2nd story is also on an unrecognizeable planet? Well..it is.) USING THIS SPACESHIP THAT WAS THE HOST'S OR KING OR WHATEVER BUT IM NOT CERTAIN BOUT THAT PART CAUSE MAYBE THATS JUST ME THINKING BOUT THOR 2 OR THOR 3 OR SMTH WHERE THEY ESCAPED IN THE ENEMY'S SHIP BUT ANYTHING ELSE BESIDES THAT WAS TRUE AND I NEED HELP FINDING THIS FIC AND I WOULD SEARCH MY HISTORY BUT I ACCIDENTLY CLEARED IT BUT IF ANYONE HAVE EVER HEARD OF THIS CAN YOU PLEASE GIVE ME THE LINK I WANT TO REREAD IT THANK YOUU

[doog20]

Madness, Atonement and Love

Content Warning: Yakuza 0 to LaD spoilers Content Warning: i jump between Yakuza 0 and 4 plot remember that there is a time difference between the events

Majima is the best way to explain yakuza, its very funny one minute, hahaha funny face man does break dancing as a fighting style, and the next moment he is face with the decision to either kill an innocent woman to get back to the world he has been dying to live in again or let her live and live a life of hiding and protecting her from those that set you out to kill here. Majima has so many layers, that are all centred around one core theme, his sworn brother Taiga Saejima or his kyoudai. Majima on his own is amazing but he gets better when he is whole...

Saejima is hands down one of my fav characters in yakuza, his arc throughout the games is just brilliant but i especially like his first game, at first you think he is a cold no nonsense killer convicted for killing 18 people making him a legend in the yakuza world (and they say yakuza is a silly game ahaha... they dont know shit) many years after the events of yakuza 0 Saejima breaks out with his new friend Hamazaki (who i may write a blog post later) once he is out Hamazaki is shot and we presume he is dead. now Saejima is on the run to look for his kyoudai for answers, he may have to kill majima or maybe he doesnt...

AAAAAA man Makoto is so interesting, a blind woman who falls for a Yakuza, a yakuza she doesnt know the name of. he is this mysterious protector figure who always looks out for here and the people around her to the best of his ability. to her she is not the yakuza with the tattoo on his back, instead he is him, simply a man she loves, she knows that he is a man that is there to protect her from something, something bigger than the both of them, a yakuza war over a bit of land... land that is owned by none other than Makimura Makoto.

Jumping back to Majima for a moment, his chemistry with Makoto (the woman he is meant to kill) is brilliant, at first i thought it was a protective fatherly thing, but slowly it became obvious it was a... ahem thing... yeah slowly he is falling in love while this woman has never seen his face or heard his name bc she was traumatised to the point of mental blindless. as they fall in love it becomes clearer and clearer that the lives they must live are very different. bc of the this and the fact that Makoto gets shot by the Tojo Clan for (yakuza 0 plot reasons) Majima goes fucking insane, instead of this calm and collected character we met in The Grand we get this fucking love sick man (heh reminded me of BlackPink but i digress) who just wants to avenge the only one who he truly loved (sorta yakuza 5)... and this is the birth of The Mad Dog of Shimano. man the scenes leading up to his break made me so angry i was fully for Majima going mad dog on the cunts, it felt so good beating the shit out of some of them in the finale and it felt bittersweet for some... man Awano, but thats a talk for another day.

Jumping back to Saejima, after breaking out he washes ashore of a small island nation by the name of Okinawa, fans of the series know this place as the home of Kiryu and his orphanage. soon someone stumbles upon Saejima and takes him in, the person is of course Haruka Sawamura (the daughter of Kiryu). Saejima regains his consciousness and chats for a bit with Haruka, but then ummm... yeah ummm... i dont really want to type out what happened next, so lets just say that Saejima hasnt seen a woman in a long time (jesus i hate this scene and i am not defending it i am just trying to put it as nicely as possible). soon, in comes Kiryu who very quickly sees what happened and and realises who Saejima is, bc who wouldnt, but as they get to talking Saejima makes up a fake name and Kiryu goes along with it. blah blah storyy Majima sadness

AAAAAAAANND they fight. Kiryu fights in yakuza games (where you fight against him) always put the fear of a thousand suns inside you, they are so good at making you be like "OH SHIT i know that move" and then "Oh god i dont know that move what the fuck Kiryu a fucking beast" the fight ends and Saejima "wins" bc before he can finish Kiryu off Haruka comes in and has to be the voice of logic and reason, all things that sissies worry about, and she stops the fight...

now skipping way way way ahead to going to meet Majima you go to see him fight his lackies and then he comes down from the stairs, and for a man that rarely ever emotes you can see how happy Saejima is even through his tough face. Majima and Saejima walk to the batting cages for their fight, they talk about why Saejima is there and what is going to happen, its clear Majima isnt gonna go down without kicking, bc in his mind it would be disrespectful to Saejima if he didnt give him a show, in any case, it could be Majima's last.

its so amazing doing this fight, bc its been built up since fucking yakuza 0 and when you do it you are just like "YEAAHHHH HIT HIM HARDER WOOOOOO" and when its over you are brought back to the earth and you have to think, at what cost? this reuniting scene is one of the best, its so sad and so exciting, all you can think leading up to it is how it went for Kiryu and Nishikiyama, its just very well done.

The 2 chat for a bit and Saejima asks about the eyepatch Majima explains why he didnt show when they where supposed to do the hit, the very same hit that landed Saejima in jail. the reason being he was taken hostage by one of the family heads, and he explains that bc he gave them such hell the only way to shut him up was to take one of his eyes, Saejima laughs, now its clear, the kyoudais are back together and stronger than ever.

it is very very clear to me that Saejima and Majima are 2 parts of a greater whole, there is no Majima without Saejima and there is not Saejima without Majima. its beautiful how the insanity of Majima and the stoicism of Saejima mix so well, i think its beautifully shown in the Yakuza LaD scene when they do their attack, that gif is just brilliant at showing how they compliment each other haha. (sorry couldnt find the gif)

Majima and Saejima show us some people are worth it and even if they are worth it, sometimes the best call is to let them go, i of course have to finish what i started. awhile after Majima takes out the Tojo Clan, he goes on a walk, finally free from everything... and he sees her, there she is happy and she looks him dead in the eye (NO THE PUNS TODAY AAAAAAA) and doesnt see him for the protector she once did when she was blind, now seeing him as a flashy yakuza with a tattoo on his back, Majima doesnt speak knowing she would recognise the voice. soon, a man who looks like her boyfriend comes and says "Hey is this man worrying you" and in one swift move Majima takes him and talk to him heart to heart, asking "do you love her" and "will you look after her", the boyfriend is very confused and a bit scared, after all a yakuza with one eye is grabbing him talking in a very scary tone. the man answers yes and Majima walks away into the crowd, Makoto trails him with her eyes until there is nothing to see and she goes on with her life....

to be continued... ->

yeah sometimes when you love someone so much, the only okay thing to do is to let them go bc you know you would only bring them more pain if you stayed together... in a way, it would be selfish, robbing them of a normal life. this is exactly how Majima at this point sees it, and i respect him for it, maybe in the future they will meet again, and maybe just MAYBE, they will finally get proper closure that they deserve, but until then i will say goodbye and thanks for taking time out of your life to read my stupid little essay

[arthurflecksgirl]

Arthur suffers from intrusive thoughts

HEADCANONS

I think Arthur suffers from what we call intrucive thoughts. The definition of it is:

“An intrusive thought is an unwelcome, involuntary thought, image, or unpleasant idea that may become an obsession, is upsetting or distressing, and can feel difficult to manage or eliminate. “

I think his journal tells us much about that, so I wrote some headcanons about this subject.

Arthur suffers from intrusive thoughts that haunt him. It happend to him at raddom situations like doing the dishes ,changing his clothes,riding on the bus, while talking to people. He was dealing with them all his life but it´s not something he would ever be ableto get used to, because to him its something that tortures him from within.

He feel bad about having these negative thoughts and its worst at night. Insomnia is one of the conditions that makes his intrusive thoughts even worse. When Arthur can`t sleep its not just like they cross his mind, its like they possess him.

Dark thoughts, mostly about hurting himself, ednling his own life and sometimes endling the life of another person. Sometimes he gets triggered by seeing parents yelling at their kids, puling them violently on their small arm and thats when thoughts like "I should go and kill them to save the kid" start running through his head.

Arthur gets triggered by certain words and situations that his subconsciousness connects to his childhood.

One day you come home and find him sitting on his desk the room is darkened, not even the light on his table is burning. His back is facing you, he doesnt move or say anything. You asked him whats wrong but he just lights himself a cig and ignores you.

You get really worried about his behaviour, so you come up to him, turn on the light and rest your hand on his shoulder. Arthurs muscles twitch as he tries to get away from you. The sharp pain gong right through your heart is unbearable. Why would he ever do that?

Thats when you  notice his journal lying in front of him, open, with some orn out pages. Most of them are blacked out, so you cant see much of it. But one page shows real dark drawings and some of his thoughts about wondering if he should eighter kill himself or all the people who deserve to die.

You reach out to get one of the torn out pages. Wanting to tell him that if he needs to talk you are here. But the moment Arthur watches your hand touching the page he grabs your wrist, holding it so tight it hurts.

You call out his name, softly and calm to proof to him that you didnt reached for the page to say something bad about it. But he wouldnt allow you to explain yourself. Arthur asks you to just leave him alone.

A silent tear is running down your face, not knowing what to do or how to help him. You asure him that he can show you what he has written and that you wouldnt be mad about it. Whatever it was.

"But what if I dont want you to see it?" he yells. A mixture of anger and pain in his eyes like you`ve never seen it before. This hurts. This situation hurts so much. You just leave the room and cry. Wondering why Arthur wouldnt trust you with his thoughts. You respect his privacy but you need him to know that there is nothing that he cant talk to you about.

Watching him self isolate and torturing himself by being alone with his mind feels wrong and cruel. You go to the bedroom, trying to calm down, to think of anything that could show him how much you care and how much you want to be here for him, especially when he feels like this. You cannot stans him being alone in the other room, feeling like shit. You just know that you could make him feel better. Why wouldnt he give you the chance?

An hour later Arthur knocks on the bedroom door and finds you crying under the sheets. He gently strokes you hair, telling you how sorry he is for yelling at you, but he was ashamed of the suff he drew and wrote on those pages and he was more than scared that you would read them and think bad of him, because for some of these thoughts he even hates himself.

You sit up and rest your head on Arthurs chest. Its so good to feel him close again. The coldness of his back facing you while he wasnt talking back an hour ago ,was unbearable. Even the memory of it.

You tell him that there is nothing in the world that would ever made you think bad about him. Arthur tells you about his intrusive thoughts and how they cross his mind. How afraid he is of them and that he thinks of doing stuff that he would never do in his life. He feels guilty about some of them , others make him feeling scared of himself. He tried to get them out of himself by writing them down but seeing them in actual letters made them even more real to him and he couldnt handle you reading them, because to him these thoughts are not even something he really wants. Its like they dont belong to him.

While Arthur tries to explain his fears to you, you watch him opening up. You let him rest his head in your lap and play with his har while he tries to explain how afraid he is of you knowing what is going on in his mind. How afraid of you loving him less afterwards. Of you being shocked by his thoughts. Arthur is afraid that you could be scared of him after reading it or seeing his latest drawings.

You asure him that you couldnt never love him any less. That you kow what he has been through in his life and that its natural for his mind to find a way to cope with his trauma.

Arhur gets up, grabs his journal and shows you the last few pages. You cant deny that they are beyond dark and you realize that having these thoughts inside of your head must be horrible. You realize that being him is even harder than you could have ever imagined.

Arthur cannot escape from his own mind. He feels bad about still having these thoughts now that he has someone on his side- you- now that he is in love and feels loved in return. He feels guilty for still having negative thoughts. Shouldnt he be truly happy now? It hurts him so much to let you know that he is stilla victim of his own mind.

After reading the pages he was so afraid to show you, you take him deep into your arms  and kiss him on the forehead, telling him that its okay. Its not his fault. This is something that has been done to him long ago and you will do anything in your powr to help him heal. But still having scars,wounds and darkness on the inside doesnt make him a bad person or a bad boyfriend. It makes him brave and strong for still being here, for still hoping and fighting and loving.

After your conversation Arthur knows for a certainty that there is not a thought that could ever cross his mind that has the power to love him any less.

[ajokeformur-ray]

I watched Joker tonight and typed out my thoughts as they occurred to me. Unedited; typos are guaranteed. I did this a few months ago and really enjoyed looking back at my thought process and I wanted to do it again so that I can look back and know that what I feel is real and true in my darkest times.

You're welcome to skip this; it's under a cut for ease of doing so. Warnings for occasional sexual comment lmao. There’s no self shipping in this, I don’t think.

word count: 2, 575.

I’M SOBBING and I’ve only just pressed play.

Heart squeeze Chest much ow

THERE HE IS

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

Nooooo baby omg don’t pretend - let yourself hurt if it hurts. Don’t pretend. 

Carnival Carnival Carnivalllllllll 😍😍😍😍😍

I am a Simp for one clown and his name is Carnival

Someone help him, I????

That sign hit Arthur as hard as my love for him did ksksksk

MY EYES BE LEAKIN💔💔💔💔💔

bb nooooo

Oh honey let me kiss those bruises and replace the marks of violence with love, hm? You’re safe with me.

Breathe, my love. Don’t fight the laughter. Let it out, let yourself go. 

Screams into a pillow because????? much sad must kiss

“have you been keeping up with your journal?” LIKE HE HAS TIME

oHHHHH boi’s close to losing his shit

Do it, Artie. Give ‘em hell.

“I think I did” YOU TELL HER!!💖💖💖

I want to be his cigarette. Where’s Satan??? I got a new deal for my blackened soul which he took at half price😂😂😂😂

I’d have my hand between the door and his head so fuckin fast I swear

“I just don’t wanna feel so bad anymore” yep SAME

ohhhh peekaboo🥺🥺🥺

this makes me giggle ksksksk i watch this scene when i feel sad bc it always makes me happy for the time it’s on

he’s so good with kids; he doesn’t have to try and think about what’s funny, he just does it, he’s himself and it works

FUCK OFF LADY CAN’T YOU SEE HE’S STRUGGLING????

give

him

back

his

card

casually wrinkling my nose against tears lmao

ohhh the way he looks up at those stairs from the bottom

i can feel his exhaustion

me too, my love

step step step step

god i wanna get him the fuck outta gotham

and into my arms and a soft, warm blanket

“eat. you need to eat” LITERALLY WHAT I TELL MYSELF EVERY DAY IN HIS VOICE BC OTHERWISE I JUST WOULDNT EAT???? I’m losing so much weight asdfghjk its not enough tho

SUPAH RATS

Did Arthur come up w that joke or was it actually a Murray joke????

HIS VOICE IS SO SOFT IM CRY??🥺🥺🥺🥺

“I WAS PUT HERE TO SPREAD JOY AND LAUGHTER”

YOU DO BABY, YOU DO!!!! EVERY FUCKING DAY!!!!

go deepthroat a cactus randall - youre already a bit of a prick so🙃🙃🙃

“THE GUYS THINNK YOU’RE A FREAK BUT I LIKE YOU”

HOYT. YOU CAN GO SIT ON A CACTUS TOO

FUCK OFF

😡😡😡😡

“WHY WOULD ANYONE STEAL A SIGN”//”WHY DOES ANYONE DO ANYTIHNG?” HOYT YOU’RE SO FUCKING ILLOGICAL HERE IM????? ERIKA DOES NOT (ALSO WILL NOT LMAO IM A STUBBORN BIITCH) COMPUTE

Can arthur fuck me like he pounds the trash/????🥵🥵👀

those dark curls.... that crooked tooth... must kiss.🥺🥺🥺

pennys casual cruelty makes me so fucking angry

foreshadowingggggg ~  *JAZZ HANDS*

ugh the way he dances with that gun im👀🥵🥵🥵

he enjoys the power of it and his breathing gets deeper asdfghjk

clumsy baby omggggg i just COOED 🥺🥺🥺🥺

okay maybe im stupid but i genuinely dont understand this “senior who needs to graduate” skit i’m??? how is being an intro to western civ student funny im???? someone explain???

but also dont bc fuck that guy lmao arthur’s hilarious

true millenial humour (and brit humour lmao we’re dark asf)

THE WAY ARTIE TWIRLS HIS FINGERS AROUND HIS HAIR AND DANCES IN HIS SEAT IM???🥺🥺🥺

wanna curl up on his lap at night when hes writing and go to sleep with a 

blanket around our bodies🥺🥺🥺🥺

when arthur wears a shirt at home you KNOW it’s a daydream

THAT CROOKED TOOTH IM WANT KISS.

WAIT IS IT CALLED STAND UP COMEDY BC YOU STAND UP... AND ITS COMEDY???

23 FUCKING YEARS, PEOPLE... TO REALISE THAT🙄

WHEN CARNIVAL CAME ON SCREEN I NTHE HOSPITAL I MADE A PORNOGRAPHIC NOISE LMAO I LOVE HIM SO MUCH

IF YOURE HAPPY AND YOU KNOW IT, SHOOT MURRAY

WOOPS WRONG LYRICS

😂

“doctor of laughter”🥺🥺🥺🥺

doctor i have a case of the Big Sad can you... do an exam? 😉😏

NO BB DONT BEAT YOUR HEAD UP THERES PRECIOUS CARGO IN THERE

in what world does chucking cold greasy chips in a girls hair being “nice”???

lmao fuck these guys

ohhh honey breathe. dont fight it, my love, just breathe.

my heart’s breaking for you, you sweet thing🥺🥺🥺

i love you so so so so so so so much ugh you’re an actual fucking angel

just breathe darling

i need to get you a cup of tea with honey in it, your throat must be so sore

ohhhh baby im so sorry

i’d take every single punch if i could

i’d die for you

i wish i could protect you

i wish i could look after you

and take all those hits

and kill those guys for you

im so sorry

sobbingggg

YES GOOD MAN THANK YOUUU

KILL THOSE ASSHOLES LMAO DESERVED IT

yeah i have a grey morality... im similar to deadpool in that way tbh

carnival comin’ to kill your insecurities

8 bullets in a 6 chamber???? mm-hm

DONT FORGET YOUR BAG THATS EVIDENCE

AND THE WIG

RUN BABY RUNNNNNNN

GO GO GO GOOOOOOOOOOOO

RUN LIKE THE WIND BULLSEYE

THE SOUND OF HIS FEET SLAPPING THE PAVEMENT IM👀

OOOOOH JOKER’S WAKIN’ UUUUUUP

fuck he’s so hypnotic

the way he runs his hand down his lower stomach asdfghj🥵

must kiss the inner tendons on his wrists and lick the blood off his face 

must kiss

he moves like water

fuck hes so fluid

bathroom scene = the scene in which my heart and vagina clench at the same time

im WANT

T POSEEEEEEEE

“i still owe you for that, dont i?”

PUNCH OUT IS MY FAVOURITE THING E  V  E  R

D O N T S M I LE

UGH I FUCKING HATE being told to smile if i don’t fucking want to so BIG mood

PLEASE SHUSH ME THE WAY YOU JUST SHUSHED PENNY IM???

but also dont lmao bc i’ll think you’re mad at me and i’ll hide in the bedroom for the rest of the day lmao i’m sensitive✨✨✨

i wanna sit on his lap and still his bouncing knees

“thats not funny”

fuck off penny yes it is

I JUST CHOKED ON MY COFFEE IM???

“but i do” god the  P O W E R

ugh that fucking sexist piece of shit comedian can choke “women look at sex like buying a car” 🤢🤮🤢🤢🤮

chauvinistic pigs can die thanks

his lil trip upstage im cry🥺🥺🥺

ohhh baby. just breathe, darling. it’s okay to be scared. dont fight it. just breathe. 

he and i both cover our mouths when we laugh/smile in the exact same way and it makes me feel closer to him

how can they think hes laughing at himself when hes literally gagging????

people only see what they wanna

the Penny imitation is👌👌👌

s m i l e

i remember when i came home from seeing this for the first time, i got home and dropped to my knees to cry in the bathroom. it was such an emotional release and so much love and i played smile to try to make myself smile but i only made myself cry harder lmaooooo ~ 

smile and thats life are my go-to songs if i gotta cheer tf up

danger sign = neither works

he looks so soft after his “date”🥺🥺🥺

“thats life” yeah but murray you dont even leave the studio so how do you know????

ngl arthur’s anger scares me.

anyone so much as raise their voice at me and i’ll cry really bad and i will shut myself away for the rest of the day and quiet anger terrifies me so his banging abt in the kitchen would freak me tf out😲

angry bb😭

he controls his anger so fast though omgggg ~ 

that soft please sends me

idk where it sends me lmao

down below probably

BARE FACED CARNIVAL OMG THIS SCENE IS SO CUTE

I LOVE THE MATCHING COLOURS ON ARTHUR AND BRUCE TOO ???

okay but the implication that arthur always carries a clown nose on him is🥺🥺🥺

hes such a good clown im?????

lmao im enjoying the show more than bruce is skskskk

arthur’s lil chuckle makes me🥺

his HUMMING im??? soft?????

his brows are so strong and dark omggg ~ he’s so beautiful

OKAY i’ll be honest i’ve seen this alfred/bruce scene and the thomas bathroom scene later on and the penny flashback scene a 100 times and i still dont fucking understand what did or didnt happen regarding arthur’s parentage im????

 ive seen interpretations to say he is thomas’ son and some to say he isnt and i still cant decide so? im stupid i guess 🙃

“a clown thing?” the  s a s s

“it’s exit only” yeah so’s my ass🙃

if i was there in the hospital room i woulda turned that tv off as soon as i realised what clip was gonna play

murray’s cruelty is d i s g u s t i n g

lmao hes an asshole

arthurs lil clap from joyyyyy ~ 🥺🥺🥺

did i say murray???

i meant  m u r r a t

🙃🙃🙃

sneaky baby

wayne hall either has super bad security or arthurs v quick on his feet

🤔🤔🤔🤔

he looks so good in red omggg ~ 

f o r e s h a d o w i n g

arthurs smile when hes watching chaplin is how he smiles when we all gush to each other abt him and ourselves!!!

hes so cuuuuuute🥺🥺🥺🥺😭😭😍😍😍🥰🥰🥰

“told me what” 

ohhhh honey🥺🥺 im so sorry. “crazy” is a trigger word for arthur; it made him start laughing in the bathroom with thomas

“touch my son again ill fucking kill you” yeah?? touch my arthur again and i’ll fucking kill you🙃🙃🙃🙃

^^^ that ones a joke do not come at me

the clerk in arkham was nice to arthur - he, gary and sophie are the good gothamites.

none of it was enough to stop his descent into joker, though, and i’d even say it was too late right at the beginning of the film, too... 

his sock puppet thingy “they cut all those” is such a Joker thing to doooo ~ 

the way arthur’s laughing in the hall at arkham turns into sobbing is gut-wrenching omg the poor thing😭

i wanna hug him and protect him and help him to process this in a healthy way

sweetheart, if i could take all of your pain and put it onto me... i so would. i’d do it in a heartbeat.

i wanna get you into a hot shower, make you some food and sit and listen to you. we can either sit in silence or you can talk to me, my love, and you will be heard and understood and loved.

“i had a bad day”

IT’S OKAY I DIDNT NEED MY HEART ANYWAY OMG YOU POOR SWEET INNOCENT THING IM LOVE YOU🥺💔

THAT ENTIRE LATE NIGHT SCENE LAUGH/SOBBING GOT ME -

💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

i just wanna hold you and protect you and help you and love you

I’m so fucking sorry, darling. i wish i could take it all away from you

“i havent been happy one minute of my entire fucking life”

NO ONE SHOULD LOOK THAT ANGELIC AFTER COMMITING MATRICIDE IM????

get

that

fucking

gun

away

from

your

face

boi dont test me ill fucking go feral or - no, tell you what, i’ll point the gun at me and see how you like it

im looking respectfully at the green speckled undies scene....👀👀👀

“coming” 😏😏😏

“my mum died im celebrating” and “i stopped taking my medication” and you STILL stayed in the apartment with Arthur????? dudes those are 🚨🚨🚨 signs

woe betide anyone who underestimates arthur fleck lmaoooo

randalls death scene makes me laugh every time omg i feel so vindictive

get WRECKED

i wanna lick the blood off his face. i really want to

ngl i think i have a blood kink... 

“dont look just go” ME WITH MY ACNE WHEN I SEE IT IN THE MIRROR 😂😂😂😂

JOKERJOKERJOKERJOKER 

ASDFGHJKL

J

O

K

E

R

ERIKA.EXE HAS STOPPED WORKING

JOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERJOKERRRRRR

😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍 MY BABY MY MAN OMG THERE HE IS IM CRY???????😭🥺😭🥺😭🥺

my mind is literally blank rn im just staring and crying and smiling so hard my face hurts????? im love him so so so so much

sweet thing’s so used to pain he gets HIT BY A CAR AND KEEPS GOING????

I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU

hghhhhhhhhhhhhhh

euirrrrrrgkjbgkfbirsghigrbugr

*incoherent keyboardsmash to portray utter love*

ohhh baby no dont cry. oh honey😭 i wanna sit on your lap and kiss your tears away

“i love dr sally”

you have a WIFE at home

“DO YOU REMEMBER?” THAT WAS YOUR CUE TO APOLOGISE LMAO GET FUCKED MURRAT

he’s so CUTE

omgggg ~ 

my hearts gonna give out its SQUEEZING SO HARD IT HURTS

YOU MOCK THEM, BABY!!! THEY GOT IT COMING

“i wanna get it right” hes so passionate

my comments have deceased in number bc im just too starstruck and in love to even think clearly lmao

jokers all i know rn and this is the most peaceful ive felt in WEEKS

im sobbing

ugh fuck this hurts so BAD

youre speaking the truth, darling. im so so proud of you and i love you so much

“THEY COULDNT CARRY A TUNE TO SAVE THEIR LIVES” LMAO INSIDE JOKESSS

literally sobbing right now ugh what the fuck youre in so much pain and in the middle of a breakdown and no one saw you

ugh baby im so sorry, you deserve so much better

you tried so hard and you were gonna fall no matter what

IN THE WHITE ROOM

“hi” baby they cant hear you but im COOING 🥺🥺🥺🥺

you’re so fucking cute

say the word and ill burn gotham to the fucking ground for you

i wanna sit atop that car and cradle your head in my lap and wipe the blood off your face and help you stand up and be there for you and and and😭😭😭😭😭😭 i love you so so so much. 

i’d be so much worse off without you in my life. you brought a splash of colour which has never dimmed or faded. it never will. 

b l o o d    s m i l e

=

im wearing my inside on the outside now and it still hurts

angel💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

i see you and your pain. i love you.

i see you, angel. 

his genuine laughter is🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

that cute lil “ksksks” he does im🥺🥺🥺

i always laugh with him omg the two of us are laughing together ugh its the closest i will ever get to sharing in his joy

 t h a t ‘s    l i f e

i love the hallway daaaaaaaaaaaaaance ~ 

them hips dont lie😉😉😉

i love you i love you i love you i love you omg the sun’s like a halo ugh i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you i love you im singing along to thats life while i type out how much i love you at 220am lmaooooo ~ 

i   l o v e    y o u

[discountdyke]

199 thoughts which i cant even get together enough to think in my head

ok 1. yall are lame for being mad at martin for not wanting his bf to literally kill himself. moving on. i cannot believe j*nny sims made me care about jm again? i cant believe this. and here i was thinking the biggest tragedy of the podcast was their shitty relationship.

2. i cannot fucking believe he really got me like three times in a row with “i need a cigarette” “can i have a cigarette” “can i hold onto this” what if its not the lighter we need to be worried about............

3. i just really like that melanie said fuck she deserves it so much. stay tuned for my melanie/georgie fixit fic. really sad she doesnt get to kill magnus. maybe she should be able to. yes, its all coming together now....

4. jon is going to leave while everyones asleep im calling it right now. they are going to wake up to chaos. i think this is the most likely situation. i think its much less likely that they actually get up the tower and THEN jon kills magnus i dont think he would take that risk. 

5. i do not think martin is going to die specifically bc theyve stated that martin will have a very bad time and i think that means living while jon is dead. just my onion. imo 2 lovers dying together is pretty not tragic. like the way tbi is probably the least sad mechs album to me bc wtf yall got 80 years to just hang before u die thats fine.......

6. WHY do yall hear “we wouldnt have been together without this situation” and think “WOW martin is EVIl” i cant with this take. it was highly romantic. yall wanna reblog that stupid “its rotten work” quote over and over but when martin says it yall are mad. okay.

7. im sorry i just literally do not think its wrong to set the fears loose. if u say u wouldnt do it u are just dumb. melanie & martin are right, it took billions of years for the fears to actually have a ritual that worked. they arent dooming anyone. i think the real takeaway here is that bad things exist. we dont live in the t/ma world, but we still have all kinds of evil here. thats the existential horror of it all!

8. jon becoming a fear god is not a good solution i cant believe some of yall think this. look at what happened last time he became one. yall really think hes different from jonah i DONT understand. hes gonna level up into an eldritch horror, not stop anyones suffering, and i guess that will be ok bc they didnt send the fears elsewhere?? and also they literally dont know if other dimension have fears like what how even. thats someone elses job for the m*gnus archives 2

[fatrainbowmermaidunicorn]

We Dont Talk Anymore (Yoongi x You) (ONESHOT)

A/N: this request has been sitting for a year (or more) in my inbox and im sorrryy. This is a short story and I feel like its not my best 😔 but I still hope you like it. Im sorry and Ill do better 💜

Oh, we don't talk anymore, like we used to do I just heard you found the one you've been looking You've been looking for I wish I would have known that wasn't me

Min Yoongi and Big Hit Producer, Zara announces that they are officially a couple!

Y/N scrunched up the glossy page of the tabloid and throw it in the nearest garbage bin, pulling her jacket tighter around her and keeps on walking. Maybe thats where she should be too, since thats how Yoongi treated her heart, like trash.

A year.

It has been a year since their heart wrenching break up and Yoongi has finally moved on. He is finally in a relationship with someone else. As he should be.

Maybe its a good thing. She was never a good match for Yoongi. Shes just a boring lawyer. What does she know about the entertaining world of the music industry right? All she do all day is fight in court and do the paperwork all night long. That producer girl will probably fits him better. Understand him better. They can talk music all day long, and write together all night long. The girl wont be mad at him for being busy all the time. Hell, they can spend time together while working. Y/N scoffs to herself.

She just wish.. she had known from the beginning that they were not suited for each other. Then she wouldnt have wasted her time to be in a relationship. To go on dates. To face his crazy fans. To balance work and spending time with Yoongi.

She wouldnt have wasted time, and her heart... to fall in love.

'Cause even after all this time I still wonder Why I can't move on Just the way you did so easily

A year.

And she still cant move on. How can she? She was never in love. Never felt it. Never wanted to. Never planned to. But Min Yoongi, with all his coldness he showed to the world, theres just warmth in him that melts her heart. That makes her so sure that love is real. She felt it with Yoongi. She felt it his smile, she felt it in his laughter, in his tears, in his frustration, she felt it in the way he covered her up in a blanket when she fell asleep while doing her case reports, she felt it in tbe small wave he gave her when he saw her in the crowd watching his performances. She felt it. And she knew its real.

Thats why she wonders. And keeps on wonder, how can he moved on so easily? And why cant she do the same.

Oh how she wish she can.

Don't wanna know What kind of dress you're wearing tonight If he's holding onto you so tight The way I did before

Breaking up with someone you love is painful enough. Its even worse when that someone moved on and you are told about every single detail of their love life. With every step she took, news about Yoongi and his new lover were whispered, talked about. Where they go to dates, what they do on dates, how romantic their kisses are.

If a heart can be thrown out, Y/N wants to take it out right now. She doesnt want to feel anymore. Yoongi was her world, the one she told everything to, the one she spend all her time with. The one love she overdosed on. The one that means everything to her.

What do you do when the one person you talk to is gone? What do you do when the one person you love stop loving you? Nothing. You moved on. And hope the pain passed. But it never will. Because afterall, nothing hurts more than a broken heart.

I just hope you're lying next to somebody Who knows how to love you like me There must be a good reason that you're gone

Yoongi walked down the street. The snow has been falling non stop today. It matches his cold cold heart and matches his cold cold feelings even more. He felt numb. Everything about him is numb. News broke today that hes dating their producer.

The truth is, he isnt.

He just hope Y/N saw the news. Hoped and prayed she saw it, and moved on. Yoongi swallowed a lump in his throat. Just the thought of Y/N with someone else... kills him, break him, but he have to do it.

Image of Y/N crying almost everyday, screaming almost everyday before their breakup haunts him. Thats not what he wanted for her. He wants to give her happiness, love, laughter. But hes not able to. He never have time for her, to talk to her, love her. And she deserve better.

He hope and he prayed. That with the sudden news, she will find someone new. She will finally open up her heart and let someone new in. And he hope and he prayed for that someone to love her as much as he does, because theres no other love in the world stronger than his love for her. And it will always be her. To Yoongi, it will always be her.

Every now and then I think you Might want me to come show up at your door But I'm just too afraid that I'll be wrong

He knows Y/N doesnt mean it. When she cries and say those awful words of separation, he knows she doesnt mean it. She wants him to stop her, to change, to love her better. But he cant. He cant love her better. He wants to, but he dont how. And thats why he lets her go.

Every single night while he rolls around in bed, his handphone screen is the only thing lighting the dark room, illuminating Y/N's picture in his phone that hes been staring at, he wonders. What if he just picks up his coat and knocks on her door? Will she open it? Will she welcome him with open arms? Smiling, crhing in happiness? Will they kiss and all be okay? Will they ever forget this terrible tragedy even happen? Will they start again and be happy like before?

Every single night he thinks about it. And every single night he almost did. Almost.

But he has a bigger fear. What if hes wrong. What if Y/N has moved on. What if Y/N has found someone who love her better.

They dont talk anymore. They didnt talked for the longest time. And maybe its better that way..

I overdosed Should've known your love was a game Now I can't get you out of my brain Oh, it's such a shame That we don't talk anymore,

Her mind has been wondering with thoughts about Yoongi, not really paying attention to where shes even going until she suddenly stopped in her tracks and looked up.

Standing in front of her, all bundled up in heavy coat and gloves, scarf around his neck, nose tinge pink, is the man that haunted her mind himself. Y/N breathes, her mouth whisper the only word she wanted to call out for so long.

"Yoongi,"

Yoongi stops in his tracks. Maybe he had successfully stopped himself from going to Y/N's door every single night, naybe he managed to talk himself out if it, but fate has brought Y/N right to him, and this time he wont let it go to waste.

This time, he will make sure to show her how much he loves her, needs her. He will tell her every little thing that happened in his life. There wont ever be a second of silence between them ever again. They will talk. They will talk all night long. Fate wants them together. His heart wants them together. And he wouldnt let them down again.

But if only things were that simple. If only thats the truth, but the fact is... they dont talk anymore. Y/N was right. Y/N was right when she ended it. They havent for the longest time. All the laughter, the kisses, the whispered words of love, its all lost in memories. Memories that will remain in his heart forever. His heart is racing to reach out to her. Hes hoping hers does too.

But they dont talk anymore.

And they never will again.

"Y/N,"

Both eyes locked with one another, staring deep into their souls for a split second, almost tellimg each other how they really feel, that their names are still beating in each others heart, before both pair of eyes quickly averted each other and continue walking, shoulders slightly touching as two past lovers passed by one another, having so much to say but nothing to talk about.

[deanandsam-winchester]

Discipline (dean smut)

A dean x reader smut with a twist, happy valentines day ladies ;)

You sat in the passenger seat staring up at the traffic light as it changed from a bright red to a light green Illuminating the road ahead as the car drove forward, neither you nor the driver spoke you both just sat there in silence after what you had done that night only on accident but still severly irresponsible on your part. Dean sat in the drivers seat eyes dead straight ahead never wandering your way once but he still could see you out of the corner of his eye and you knew it, that angered glare, the tenseness of his body, and his tight grip on the steering wheel told you he was furious at you for what you had done even though he ordered you to stay put and wait for their return however you didn't listen. Dean always got a little up tight when you didnt listen to him because he cared for you a lot more than he would say for personal reasons and wanted you to be safe and protected, you on the other hand were to worried and involved in the cases they worked which often made him put you on lock down forcing you to stay put and do research at the bunker where its safe. You hated how he treated you like a porcelain doll after all you were as good a hunter as he was and have saved his life plenty of times but he still felt the need to treat you like a child, although that angry glare he would get when you ignored his warnings scared you but you knew dean would never hurt you; would he?

You wondered looking at his face knowing he could see you staring since his jaw clenched and the grip he had on the steering wheel tighted causing his knuckles to turn white, as your eyes wandered down his body lingering on his black tie and button up shirt before moving to his hand that rested on his leg which told you he was stiff and made you feel like you should do something but what?

You decide to wait until you were at the bunker and out the car to say something to him in hopes that it would ease some of the intense atmosphere "dean im sorry for-" you spoke up as he had his back to you but he whipped around to face you "stop! Okay, just stop!", you could tell by the way he raised his voice that he was done hearing your apologies following your disobedience over and over again after he repeatedly tried to do nothing but keep you safe "what the hell were you think going into a place like that with no back up! I told you to stay put but do you listen? Fuck no!" he was fuming mad now. Your apology only seemed to make it worse even though you really meant it he didnt feel your sincerity as he took off the suit jacket he was wearing and threw it onto the couch you pouted since you adored when he wore suits because you would always compliment him and say a shitty pick up line and he would reply with a hilarious retort, but he was not in a happy mood and wasnt up for playful banter with you now after you had gone into a skin walkers den alone nearly getting yourself killed and then getting arrested for trespassing on private property after he deliberately told you to stay in the bunker and let him and sam handle the situation.

"You know," he started as he rolled up his sleeves "I'm starting to think you just dont like me, is that it? Or is just that you have a problem with authority and need to be taught a lesson" he narrowed his vibrant green eyes that seemed to show a glint of mischief before returning to their once dead look, you stood frozen blinking confused and seemingly in a daze after his words "dean i dont-" he stopped "dont act like you have no idea what im talking about, you're not that innocent" your eyes went wide and your jaw dropped; what the hell was he talking about You wondered to yourself. Then boom there on his smug smirking face again was that look you so despised but damn did it make your knees weak "i saw the way you were looking at me in the car" he sighed as if he was bored of this conversation you both were having "if you want my attention," he started walking towards you making you take a few steps back pressing yourself against the wall behind you, he stopped only inches away from you seeming to tower over you with domineering swagger all while keeping calm and seeming ominous he leaned in whispering as his face was only inches from yours "all you had to do was ask" as he spoke your heartbeat quickened but what really caught your attention was how he seemed to have you trapped. His hands were on either side of your hips ready to grab, squeeze, or massage your curves which just the thought of his hands roaming your curves made you shudder with anticipation and need that even he could clearly see "is that all it takes to get you started?" He asked his voice now in a low husky grumble that sent shivers down your spine, this was the closest you and dean had ever been to each other but you wanted closer so you closed your eyes gathered all your confidence before grabbing his tie closing the gap crashing your lips onto his causing him to let out a purr like sound that you had never heard from him but oh did it make you melt as he held you on his body. Before you realized it you were in his arms as he carried you to his room your lips never parting from his your passions rising with the growing lust inside you but when dean laid you on the bed pulling away to shut and lock his door you could see from the look in his eye that he was planning something devious, you sat up slightly just to watch him "Dean i-" you spoke up but he hushed you putting a finger to his lips "wouldnt want the others to hear us?" He smirked taking off his tie and grabbing your wrists "i wasnt kidding about teaching you a lesson you know" he said tying your wrist to his headboard giving you a look that gave you chills and made you question whether this was actually dean or someone else. "But dean i-" he covered your mouth with his hand "i know your sorry but im tired of your apologies" the look his eyes told you that whoever this was before you wasnt dean but you didnt realize it until his eyes went black and that's when you tried to scream but he swiftly took off your lace underwear shoving it into your mouth to shut you up, he smiled at you "come on babe, we both know this is what you want" he kissed your head before getting up and taking off his thick black leather belt and folding it in half holding it in each of his hands making a loud thwap noise with it "you know what you need?" He questioned before flipping you over onto your stomach "discipline" he growled out before giving your ass a hard smack with his leather belt making you let out a muffled scream. The evil demon gave a dark chuckle as he watched you writhe from the pain loving every second of your misery "see good girls get rewarded," with that he gave your ass another hard smack from the belt and you whimpered whining over the stinging feeling it left On your rear, dean smiled "and bad girls get.....me" his words were accompanied by another hard smack which you replied to with a worried and pleading whine "hmmm what a lovely red" he said rubbing the red marks on your rear practically purring with delight. Licking his lips he leaned over planting a sweet kiss on your soft flesh before harshly biting your thigh holding you in place as you wiggled to get free of his grip releasing muffling cries and pleading moans as he licked and sucked all over your thighs and bare ass "i hear you but i need to teach you a lesson", as his hands gripped your hips you could feel his lips softly on your inner thighs getting closer and closer to where you needed him most but still he avoided and ignored it wanting for you to learn your lesson "i can tell your just aching for me" another dark chuckle escaped his lips sending pleasuring vibrations through your core as he finally pressed his lips to your dripping sex. You shivered letting out a moan as he spread your legs wider licking your sweet center grabbing your ass with his hands before giving it slap earning a wince of pain from you "have we finally learned our lesson" you nodded vigorously needing him so bad by now you felt dizzy "now question is do you deserve a reward", your stifled pleads and begs were all the answer dean needed "i know you dont," he said leaning over you pressing his body to yours making you feel every inch of his beast against your soaking need as he gently brushed his lips against your neck which he knew would be torture for you "but im going to give it to you anyway" you could feel the smirk on his lips as he spoke but soon your body was overwhelmed by a unending ocean of stimulation as he pressed into you. The feeling of his cock slowly inch by inch stretching your pulsing insides were all you needed to completely surrender to him "hmm tighter than i thought" he breathed into your ear making you moan and shudder in response as he smiled and laughed at your lustful need for him, taking your underwear out your mouth throwing them somewhere in the room he thrusted into you hard and deep apparently wanting to hear your moans and screams which you happily obliged to burying your face in the pillow you screamed and moaned for him as he took you slow and deep. Each hard rock of his hips into yours causing a symphony of pleasured sounds to escape your lips much to the demons amusement "its so much more fun when you behave" he said landing another smack onto the sensitive flesh of your red ass "Dean please!" you begged and he stopped, his body no longer moving and his tip just at your entrance as he leaned into you whispering in your ear his hot breath against your skin making you whimper "please what?" He said in a dark demanding tone "please fuck me" you begged him whining as he only gave a sinister laugh in return. Dean softly kissed your ear before whispering "as you wish" the demon then slammed into you going balls deep only to pull back out and do it again over and over until he found a steady rough rhythm which you tried to follow to meet his thrusts but his hands held you in place as his body pushed yours closer and closer to the edge, once he found your spot you were done for "oh there it is" he smirked teasing you as he abused your spot ramming into it with deadly precision causing your body to shake and tense up as your walls gripped his cock signaling to him that you were close to your much needed release. Knowing this he pulled out of you laughing turning you on your back as you protested and complained "mhmm you were so close but this is your punishment remember" his black eyes staring at you as he leaned closer his body seeming to hover over you as he spread your legs wide pressing the hard head of his memeber to your entrance, you shudder frowning as he teased you "relax we'll get there" he said once again slamming into you causing you to scream and curse as he returned to his wild and rough rhythm from before which in no time had you falling to pieces beneath him and the demon loved every second of it "you know you look beautiful like this" he complimented watching your face intently. It wasnt long before your orgasm hit like a strong wave leaving your body shaking as you gripped the sheets screaming deans name loudly as he chuckled leaning in kissing your neck and chest letting you come down from your high slowing down his movements "now that wasnt so bad was it" he said before kissing your lips with a surprising tenderness as his eyes changed back to their normal captivating green, you panted faintly speaking "dean im.....really sorry" you said still wanting to apologize and he chuckled smiling at you with a look that could make any woman melt "i know you are baby, but" he stopped grabbing your throat gripping it tight "this is only the beginning" you gasped squirming beneath him feeling his tip against your untouched back hole and with that you knew he would definitely make you feel sorry.

[its-3am-sadness]

getting lost up in the past— this is what I found

Friday February 1st, 2013:

ugh..im sitting in third hour..i wanna cry, but i cant theres to many people..

can anyone really save me? ..no.. noone ever can.. i just wanna be happy, truely always happy.. )': ughhhhhhhhhhhh! i gotta go..

Monday February 4th, 2013:

holy shit that was a longg weekend.. i almost cut saturday.. i got a new razor & everythingg.. Jake told me to go chuck itt in the snow, soo i did, but then on sunday i went & found itt.. soo i have itt in my ipod case like my other one.

I stayed up till 3 saturday nightt watching 'Enchanted' i love that movie now (: and i sent Jake a 7 and a 9 page text.. he was asleep though..but his best friend is a girl & i have nothing at all against that, i don't have a reason to hate her at all, i havent even met her, but i still am so super jealous.. i hate that they hang out and slepover together and i dont know, i trust him.. but look what happend with the last guy, i trusted him with all my heart, i never thought he would cheat on me and he ended up fucking his ex-girlfriend and lying about it.. im so scared.. i dont wanna be here.. i was thinking saturday & yesterday how i wish i was single just so i don't have to be so paranoid..but i love being around Jake that i wouldnt dream of ending it..

Shawntay said i should tell him about how i feel with him & his besty, but i idont wanna be the dumb bitchy girlfriend who is all 'you cant talk to girls-blahh blahh blahhk' shitt, ya know?? So ima just leave it to myself because i don't care..

im really trying not to cut.. Tabby (my ex's girlfriend) told me that it takes 21 days to break a habbit & we both last cut on the 22nd, soooo we'll see how that goes..

on wednesday it'll be me & jake's 4 months.. & next thursday is valenitines (how ever you spell itt) day and i wanna get him something.. hmm..

my tits now have names.. right one is Adam & the left is Ryder (:

I love him, my baby. <3 soo much.. </3

Wednesday February 6th, 2013:

today is 4 months with my baby!! i love him sooo much. dude. <3 he is so amazingg. i just want to push him in the snow and kiss him and be crazy. i am crazy about him.. like super crazy aboutt him. <3 i dont wantt him to be taken awayyy! ):

Hunter said he was going to ask me out last week on friday on the bus.. god he's a douche.. he broke my heart so many countless times and just left.. and my ex. my good lord, he is such a dick. im sick of them both fucking with my head and heart. ive moved on and it Shawntay's words 'have a new life with a better guy'.. god i love her. i dont know where i would be right now if it werent for her.. <3 i love you shawny'z forever <3

Friday February 8th, 2013:

well..i almost cut last nightt, i didnt but i was aboutt to.. im not taking my meds, im just throwing them in a bag & ima sell them.. they weren't working anyway soo..

Im seriously so sccared that Jake's going to leave me.. even though he says he's not going to an yada yada yada, but still.. im paranoid.. it's just who i am... i love him with all my heart though.. ya know??

im diguesting..im a whore..a damn slut.. in love with a guy who prolly cant stand me.. im fucking pathetic.. why..why..why would, HOW could anyone like me, or put up with me.. i mean, what the hell..im a little ugly bitch. a fat, pathetic, stupid, idiotic, loud, sluty little damn bitch...fuckkkkkkkk.

fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.

fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuckfuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.

fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.

fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.

fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.

fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuckfuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.

fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.

fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.

fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.

fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuckfuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.

fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.

fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.

fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.

fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuckfuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.

fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.

fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.fuck.

Monday February 11th,2013:

well..i hate myself. terribly. fucking. little. cunt. thats what i am. a fucking bitch. a pussy, more like a pair of balls.. pussy's are actually quite strong.. so im a pair of balls. GROSS!.. i like pussy better.. whatever. so anyway.. i hate how much of a bitch i am. im so mean to everyone. im not good enough for shawntay. i dont deserve jake and i feel like i treat both of them like shit.. i dont mean to. they're both my whole world..damn.. i couldnt live with out both of them.. i really couldnt.

Conversation on Saturday Night:

me: how isn't it? if you go then you wont have to worry about me.

Jake: ill worry more

me:no

Jake: yeah i will

Me:no

Jake: why cant i?

me: Because..you just cant. you shouldnt. its not worth it.Never. You should leave before you get hurt.

Jake: this isnt about right now anymore is it?

me: i guess not..

Jake: cause ive told you before im not leaving unless you stop loving me ima be here for you until you dont want me to and ima be with you till you break up with me, i love you and im gonna stay through thick and thin. you wont hurt me. You wont.

Baby i friken love you and i wanna be with you no matter what im yous i dont want anyone else but you and im gonna stay okay?

Me: i hurt everyone. i want to be with you. i am in love with you. but i am so hard and difficult. i push every single person away because i just tear people down. i dont want to do that. You are so amazing and that cant die.

how can i call that mine? that is a way to good for me kindda guy.. ive fallen in love with him. but he is way to good for me.

Tuesday February 12, 2013:

i almost cut last night.. i lost it and i started crying terribly. my mother is such a damn bitch. i cant handle her anymore.. she's having surgary on the 25th of this month.. but shes forcing me to appologise for being 'rude' to my brothers wife.. fuck that.. she told me i didnt appriciate anyone.. you dont tell someone who hates themself, who seriously cant stand to look at herself or hear herself, you DONT TELL THEM THAT THEYRE NOT FUCKING APPRICATIVE! what the hell.. so i have anger issues so i flipped out, not to her, just annonmusly over facebook & shes not even my friend on there so fuck her. seriously. and my mother is sticking up for HER, an not ME. bitch.. i have enough shit i dont need to deal with this, its from over a month ago.. i hate my mother.. she fucking came running downstairs screaming at me for taking something that i really didnt.. i didnt even know what she was talking about.. why... im always to blame. FUCK HER! god... she makes me want to kill myself. she thinks that i look up to her and that she's this perfect little angel and does everything for me.. but all she does is make me feel like shit.. i mean we have our moments that we get along an laugh an are friends. when we're friends we're totally fine, but than she turns in to over protective bitch mode.. i hate itt.. i dont wanna stay after school to get extra help.. and shes fucking making me. i hate it. i hate her. i want to get the fuck away. HELP ME! i need to be saved.

Wednesday February 13th, 2013:

theres not a lot of time to write here today...i only got about 3 minutes.. but damn.. i wanna die.. im not going to stopo myself tonight if i wanna cut. i gotta do it.. its to hard. my parents and my one brother are douches..they fucking dont know when to stop making me feel like shit.. i hate it. goddamn.. i cried so much last night.. i wish i were alone.. it'd be easier not to worry about hurting someone.. i hate myself. im absolutly disguesting. fat, ugly and just so gross.. i hate what ive become.. i cant stop myself. it's who i am now..

my razors fell out of my case this morning, it was scary i thought that someone was going to ask me what they were when i bent to pick them up.. i was so shakey.. i hate myself. ughhh. fuck. i hate everyone, my self the absolute most though.. good bye..

Thursday Febraury 14th, 2013:

well.. i stopped the 21 days last night.. 16.. 2 on my thigh, they're small. and the rest between my two arms. im such a fail..

Jake did the cutest thing ever.. he put a bunch of choclate kisses in my locker & taped it saying 'i <3 u' i keep blushing today.. i just told someone i like they're hat & he said he liked my face, i blush to much, i dont like him even, but it was kindda a compliment, soo.. *sigh* i hope shawntay doesnt get mad at me.. i told her i cut in our notebook, i havent told jake & im nott gunna unless he asks.. i cant tell him.. i HATE THAT THEY CARE!!!!!!!!! ugh... i just hurt eveyrone.. i make everyone want to kill themselves.......... FUCK.

ive been handing outt 'my little pony' valentines today.. only 4 gurls, and like 15 or more guys.. the girls are Shawntay, my friend Kenzie, Tabby & Heather. God.. all of them are so FUCKING gorgeous..ugh.. i seriously wish i could be even half as pretty as them.. Shawntay, everything about her is perfect, i wouldnt change a thing. Perfect long hair, flawless skin, perfect body.. McKenzie, she's in love, happy, so beautiful. Tabby, SO gorgeous, i find her easy to talk to and i think we could be pretty good friends. i love her hair.. i want it terribly. and Heather, her makeup, my lord is it always so damn perfect. no flaws to it, always perfect all the damn day long. She may be a bitch sometimes, but she's also hillarious as fuck. i could see me an her being better friends then we are, but not anything long-best friend. but damn.. i wish i were them..

Friday February 15th, 2013:

last night i broke down terribly and cried for hours.. i could stop. my douche fuck parents.. goddamn.. i wish i could just love them and call it good. but my mom comes down and bitches about facebook.. so now i have to delete it.. god. she controls every damn thing of my life.. she doesnt even know what tumblr is or instagram & she fucking wants me to delete them. HELL TO THE FUCK NO! dumbass. i hate her.. she ruins my life..

Tuesday February 19th, 2013:

okay..well this is reallly really stupid.. but on friday, i realized that with my ex boyfriend, he fucked her while we were together & i had sex with him countless times after.. so now i obviously did something wrong. it showed me how worthless i am & how much i seriously fuck people up..it's all my fault. i loved him wrong. i treated him like shit and look where that's gotten me.. im such a pathetic fucking fail of life. i hate myself.. im used and worthless. im the damn slut of the fucking family for fuck's sake!! my oldest brother just got married & the other just got engaged.. ugh..

ive been starving myself latley too.. it's kinda hard because i love eating, but ive been not eating lunch for about a week & i rarley eat at home soo..

[holylulusworld]

You deserve better

Summary: Reader is in love with Dean but when he tells her she should give another man a chance she does. Little does Dean know what kind of man she calls her boyfriend.

Pairing: Reader x OMC Patrick, Dean x Reader?, Sam

Warnings: language, injured reader, abusive relationship (physical/emotional), angst, violence, blood, attempted rape (nothing graphic), angry/protective Dean, fluff

  “Dean, can we talk about something?“ You ask shyly.

“Sure, come in.”

Sitting next to Dean on the bed you try to calm your nerves down.

“There’s this nice guy, he asked me out, but before I say yes I need to be sure about something. I won’t get mad or be disappointed, just be honest,” you whisper.

“Alright, promised Sweetheart.”

“I love you Dean and I guess you don’t feel the same, it’s okay, really. I just need to know if there’s a chance you do feel the same…if not I will say yes to the date.”

Casting your look down you hope he will say what you want to hear.

“I’m sorry…I really like you, Y/N but…”

Before he can end the sentence you nod and raise your hand. “It’s okay, as I said just wanted to be sure. Just forget I ever asked. I call Patrick to go on a date with him.”

“I bet he’s the right guy. He’s the one for you,” Dean says. Nodding you decide to give Patrick a chance, to take the chance to move on and get over Dean…

 Two months later…

“Ouch,” you whine when Dean knocks you on the shoulder.

“Sorry. Are you hurt?” He asks worriedly.

“Yeah, the vamp. It’s okay Dean, I need a shower. I’m meeting Patrick later.”

After you left the library Dean wonders. Lately, you're always injured and you're wearing long clothes all the time. Suspicious Dean enters Sam’s room.

“Did Y/N get hurt by the vamp you were hunting with her?”

“No, she was in the car, helping the latest victim. I killed both vamps alone. Why?” Sam asks raising his eyebrow.

“Lately she’s always injured and not due to hunts or training. Two days ago she was fine and now she’s hurt again,” Dean whispers so you can’t hear it.

“Wait, she was with her boyfriend…do you think he’s hurting her?” Sam asks worriedly.

“I’ve got no clue…let’s ask her.”

“But wouldn’t Y/N strike back? I mean she can even kick our asses,” Sam says thoughtfully.

“That’s the reason I’m so worried. If he’s hurting her…Why doesn’t she defends herself?”

“Okay, now I’m worried too. Let’s talk to her.”

Sitting in the library your hands are shaking. You forgot to call Patrick. He will get mad again. Taking a deep breath you try to calm your nerves down.

“Hey, can we ask you something?” Dean starts.

“Sure.”

“Patrick…is he a good guy?”

“Yeah…why do you ask?”

“You are injured a lot, lately. Is he hurting you? We are just worried, Y/N,” Sam adds.

“Patrick is nice! He would never hurt me! You said he’s the right guy for me – remember! I won’t discuss this any longer. I gotta go, Patrick is waiting for me.”

Storming out of the library you try to hide the fear. Patrick will get mad again and the Winchesters are already suspicious.

-----

“You forgot to call me again, whore! Did you fuck someone else? I told you what happens when you disobey again!” Patrick yells.

Slapping your face he stares angrily down at you. Ramming his fist into your stomach he causes you to stumble and fall to the ground.

Grabbing your hair harshly he drags you toward the bedroom.

"Patrick, let go of me. I want to go home," you sob.

"No, no. I'm going to show you who you belong to. You are my whore and no one else's!"

Ripping your top apart he pushes you on the bed. Hovering over you he pins your hands above your head.

“You are mine and I’m going to teach you to never disobey me. Do you think anyone else would want to fuck you? With all the scars?”

"Let go of me, I don't want you to touch me!" 

Slapping your face with his free hand Patrick causes a cut at your lip. Right before he can hit you again his door bursts open.

Storming out of the bedroom Patrick stops dead in his tracks. Two huge and obviously pissed guys with guns are standing in his living room.

“I will ask you this only once. Where is Y/N?” Dean yells.

“She’s…bedroom,” Patrick stammers.

“Get her, I’ll keep an eye on this nice guy,” Sam says.

Entering the bedroom Dean’s stomach drops. Your whole body is full of bruises and your face is black and blue. Your top is torn and you lie there, sobbing, curled into a ball.

Stripping his jacket off Dean covers your body. Picking you up he carefully carries you out of the apartment while Sam follows him.

“Keep an eye on her for me, I forgot something in the apartment,” Dean says while you sob into Sam’s chest.

“Shhh, …we will drive you home. You're safe, it's me Sammy."

Re-entering the apartment Dean storms toward Patrick. Slamming his fist into your boyfriends face he can’t stop himself. Hitting the face of your attacker over and over again Dean yells and curses.

"You will lose her number; you never contact Y/N again. If you ever get close to her or just think about her I will come back and finish what I started."

“She likes it. The worthless slut likes to be dominated,” Patrick grunts.

A kick into his balls is Dean’s answer. Towering over the whining guy he aims a gun to his head.

“One word about her leaving you lips again and I end you right here and now. She doesn’t like to be hit and she for sure doesn’t like to be raped! You will pack your stuff and leave Lebanon or I swear my brother and I come back and kill you.” Dean yells now.

“Dean? Don’t, please let’s just leave,” you plea.

“No, he hurt you! He’s going to pay for it.”

“Let’s just go home…please, bring me home.”

Sobbing you press a tissue to your bleeding lip. Seeing your hurt form Dean stuffs the gun back into his waistband.

“Leave the town and don’t come back or I’ll kill you,” Dean warns one last time.

Picking you up in bridal style he carries you out of the apartment. Sniffing you rest your head against his shoulder.

“Why didn’t you tell me? Why did you let him hurt you? Did he…try to…before?”

“No…I never…I wanted to wait a bit longer until I have sex with him. He thought I have sex with you as I forgot to call him. I told him that someone like you would be never interested … he said I deserve what he does to me…everytime he hit me he said I deserve it,” you whisper.

“You deserve none of that. He’s a sick bastard! Why didn’t you kick his ass?”

“Back then you said he’s the right one…I just thought…I didn’t want to break up with him as I was afraid you would think it’s because of you.”

“Wait, you stayed with that asshole as you thought I would get it wrong if you break up with him?”

“I didn’t want to destroy our friendship. I regretted telling you how I feel…should’ve never said a thing. I deserve someone like Patrick…”

Placing you carefully onto the backseat Dean crawls in next to you. Moving you onto his lap he holds you tight.

“Sammy, you have to drive,” Dean says.

“I’m fine, you can drive,” you whisper.

“No, you’re not. You don’t deserve someone like Patrick. You deserve someone who loves and adores you. Someone how would die for you. You deserve better.”

Sniffing you rest your head against Dean's shoulder. Holding you even tighter he starts humming your favorite AC/DC song.

Laughing you squeeze his hand. “Thank you, both for coming. I should’ve said something.”

“You deserve better,” Sam says.

"I don't know Sam. In a life like ours, you barely find someone to trust. I just tried to find someone I can lean on after a rough hunt or talk to when I feel lonely. Maybe I just wanted someone to hold me tight when I need it," you whisper.

“You can always talk to Sam and me. You can lean on my shoulder,” Dean says softly.

“That’s not the same and you know it. I want what Bobby had with his wife or Jody with her husband. I want someone who loves me, not just as a friend.”

Swallowing hard Dean realizes it’s his entire fault you let that asshole hurt you. If he would’ve been man enough to tell you the truth then Patrick would’ve never been able to hurt you.

“Y/N? I need to tell you something. When you asked me if I feel the same I lied. My intention was to keep you safe. I’m dangerous. I wanted to keep you safe, protect you. I love you too. I just thought you deserve better, you deserve the best,” Dean whispers in your ear.

“No one is better than you, Dean. You are right, I deserve the best, and you are the best, Dean.”

Forever Tags

@donnaintx, @screechingartisancashbailiff, @fallen-wolf22 , @curly-haired-disaster, @sister-winchesters99, @mogaruke, @the-is13, @helloitsmeamie203, @strayrosesbloom , @thewinchesterco , @hobby27, @kittycatlover18,   @gh0stgurl, @marvelfansworld , @sandlee44, @hawaiianohana15, @unlikelysamwinchesteronahunt​,  @katpatrova17, @notyourtypicalrose , @heyitscam99

Dean/Jensen Forever Tags

@spnfamily-thewinchesters​, @love-my-not-natural-babies​, @supernatural-bellawinchester​, @butifulsoul125​, @lyinginthegingerlocks​, @mirandaaustin93​, @hawaiianohana15​, @spn-dean-and-sam-winchester

[oh-ranpo]

more than a pretty face. (2)

Pairing: Ben Hardy x OC AN: This is going to go back into the past a little bit, just before the Golden Globes. Just as a little heads up. All of this is completely fictional of course, but just so you have an idea of the timeline here. Let me know what you think! Tags list is open, just send me a message to be added. Warnings: Cheating, drinking

All anyone could talk about were the Golden Globes. Even though it was still a few weeks away, as soon as the boys found out that they were nominated, there had been instant celebration and constant talk over what they were going to wear and what they were going to do if they won.

Charlie had been so excited for them, knowing just how much they all deserved it. While Ben had already been over the U.S. for a while staying with Sophia, once the nominees were announced, Gwilym, Lucy and Allen had flown over to celebrate. Charlie had suggested throwing a party at her place, since it was the biggest, and they had happily taken her up on her offer. She was the only one in the group who had a townhouse that could accommodate everyone who was sure to be coming.

Normally, Charlie might have been a little more apprehensive about having so many people she didn’t know well in her living space, but she was willing to make an exception for this. It was such a big moment, and the perfect way to start the awards season.

“Thank you so much for letting us have this party at your places, Charles,” Joe said cheerfully, as he wrapped his arm around his brunette friend. Charlie could tell that he had already had quite a bit to drink, considering he had broken out his ‘Charles’ nickname that he knew she despised. It only reared its ugly head when he was drunk and when he knew that she wouldn’t get mad at him.

“Of course, Joey. You guys deserve it,” Charlie replied, smiling brightly at him.  

There was loud music playing in the living room, and there were people milling about all over the place. Most people Charlie recognized as either other cast members from Bohemian Rhapsody, or as friends from other movies. No one had told her exactly who had been invited, only to expect a lot of people to come. They weren’t wrong.

As Charlie moved to see to it that the bar was fully stocked, Joe bounded off to greet someone that he hadn’t seen in a while. The party had been going for almost an hour now, and Charlie still hadn’t seen Ben or Sophia anywhere. She couldn’t complain though. Not having to see Sophia’s face was more than enough thanks for throwing this party.

The crowd seemed to get denser the closer to the kitchen she got, and just as Charlie was able to push her way into the room, a voice called her name and she felt her stomach drop. She hesitantly turned in the direction of the voice, and put on her best fake smile as Sophia’s best friend, Wren, moved towards her.  

While Wren wasn’t nearly as bad as Sophia, the entire time that Charlie had known her, she had been trying to sleep with Joe. As far as Charlie could tell, Joe was nowhere near interested, but that didn’t stop Wren from asking about him anytime she had the misfortune of bumping into her. Also, the fact that Wren was here meant that Sophia was also there somewhere. The thought made Charlie nauseous.

“Charlie, oh my gosh, I’ve been looking all over for you! What an amazing party!” Wren’s blue eyes were wide, and Charlie had a hard time telling whether she was being genuine or if she was just faking it in hopes of getting in good with Joe. Either way, Charlie wasn’t buying it.

“Thanks, Wren. Of course, it was all put together by Joe and Rami. I just provided the space.”

Wren’s face lit up at the mention of Joe’s name, and just as she opened her mouth to launch into twenty questions about him, Charlie was knocked to the side, a sarcastic ‘sorry’ being muttered as someone pushed past her. She wasn’t at all surprised to look up and see Sophia smirking smugly at her, while Ben trailed behind her like a lost puppy. His eyes met hers for a brief second, and Charlie thought that she might have seen a bit of an apology in his expression, but he had disappeared into the crowd before she could be sure.

“I’m sorry, but I have to go and check to make sure the rest of the kitchen is one piece. I’ll talk to you later,” Charlie excused herself, ignoring the fact that Wren’s face fell at her dismissal. Deep down, Charlie hoped that the big crowd kept her, Wren, and Sophia as far from each other as possible.  

The urge for another drink consumed her, and Charlie grabbed a plastic cup from the stack at the end of the bar and made her way down to where the keg was sitting. There were several people hovering around it, but they all parted for her as she grabbed for the tap. After filling her cup up completely, Charlie turned to make sure that everything else was in order, and was surprised to see that all the drinks had already been restocked. She figured Rami or Lucy must have come in at some point, and made a mental note to thank them later.  

Charlie pushed back through the crowd, and when she made it back into her living room, she smiled when she saw Rami, Lucy, Joe, Gwilym, Allen and Ben chatting happily amongst one another. Lucy was perched on Rami’s lap in the lounge chair, and Joe, Gwil, Ben, and Allen were all smashed together on the couch opposite them. Rami looked up and smiled as Charlie entered the room, drawing everyone else’s attention to her as well.

“Charles!” Joe cried happily, and Charlie rolled her eyes. He eagerly patted the armrest next to him, but she just shook her head. Sitting next to him would require crawling over almost everyone’s laps, and she wasn’t about to do that.

“Are you guys having a good time?” she asked, bringing her cup to her lips to take a drink. All of them nodded simultaneously, each one wearing a giant smile with the exception of Ben.

“Oh, it’s just wonderful. Thank you so much for doing all of this for us, Charlie. You are the best,” Lucy gushed as she removed herself from Rami’s lap and walked over to wrap her in a hug. Lucy was always so sweet, but just like with Joe, Charlie could tell that she had already had quite a bit to drink. All of them looked like they had.  

“Really, it’s nothing. Hopefully in a month we will be able to have an even bigger celebration.”

Lucy left one of her arms draped across Charlie’s shoulders, but she didn’t mind. She wasn’t normally the touchy-feely type, but when it came to this group, it was something she had been forced to get over quite quickly.  

It was several more minutes before Charlie realized that, besides Lucy, it really was just all the guys. Sophia was nowhere to be seen. The thought of having her running amuck in her house made Charlie nervous, so she quietly excused herself to see if she could locate her. She didn’t say anything to anyone about what she was doing, because she knew if she brought it to Ben’s attention, he would get offended and the entire night would be ruined. Charlie cursed under her breath when she realized that there were still a ton of people around, making her search even harder. Sophia was not a tall person, so spotting her in the crowd was going to be difficult.  

She started with the main floor, searching through the dining room and kitchen, but found nothing. She then headed into the lower level where people had set up some drinking games, but the crowd was sparse, and after one glance, Charlie could tell that she wasn’t down there either. She could feel a knot form in her throat at the thought of her being on the top floor, where only her bedroom, the guest bedroom, and another bathroom were located. When she made it upstairs, at first, the area looked empty. But then, Charlie noticed that the guest room door was shut. She was just about to reach out and open it when she heard a familiar voice behind her.

“Charlie? What are you doing?”  

She must have looked suspicious, because when she turned to face Ben, he gave her a questioning look.

“I was just checking to make sure everything was okay up here. I mean, this is my house. I can go wherever I want,” she huffed in response. “What are you doing up here?”  

Ben narrowed his eyes and gestured down the hall towards the bathroom.

“The bathroom downstairs was taken and Joe said that there was another one up here.”

Charlie nodded curtly, and then both of their attention was stolen by a loud crash and then a giggle coming from inside the guest bedroom. Charlie turned quickly, and Ben laughed.

“Sounds like someone is having a little fun in there.”

Charlie cringed at the thought, and reached out to push the door open. Regardless of who it was, she didn’t want someone getting it on in her guest bed. She was already going to have quite the mess to clean up.

As soon as the door swung open, Charlie inhaled sharply when she saw a half-dressed Sophia sitting on the edge of the bed while another man was sprawled out across the floor. The loud thud had apparently been him falling off the bed.

“Soph- Sophia?”  

For a moment, Charlie had forgotten that Ben was right behind her. In his curious state, he had moved closer to see who was causing all the commotion, and for the first time since she had met him, Charlie felt sorry for him.

“Oh my God, Ben! Honey, it’s not what it looks like!” Sophia struggled to remove herself from the tangle of sheets, but Ben was already gone. Charlie could hear his footsteps racing down the stairs, and the man that was on the floor leaned up against the bed, clearly confused as to everything that was going on. Sophia grabbed her shirt and shorts in haste, but when her eyes landed on Charlie, she glowered at her.

“You did this on purpose!” she hissed, pulling her shirt over her head and stumbling over towards the doorway. “You’ve always been jealous of Ben and I!”

The accusation made Charlie laugh, and even though Sophia was giving her a look that could kill, she didn’t feel threatened in the slightest.

“Oh no, sweetie. You brought this upon yourself.”

When she finally stumbled back into her pants, Sophia pushed past Charlie in the doorway and disappeared down the stairs, leaving Charlie alone with the stranger.

“I think it goes without saying, but you really need to leave,” Charlie said, as she pulled the door closed behind her so the man could get changed. A few seconds later, Gwilym bounded up the stairs, a bewildered look on his face.

“What just happened? Ben came storming through the living room, mumbling something about leaving and then Sophia chased him outside with her shirt on wrong side out.”

Charlie tried not to laugh, considering the delicacy of the situation, but before she could reply, the man exited the guest bedroom and sheepishly squeezed past them to head downstairs. Charlie’s eyes met Gwilym’s and a look of understanding crossed his face.

“Damn, poor Ben.”

The sympathy that Charlie had been feeling for Ben dissipated and instead frustration took its place.

“This has been happening for a long time, Gwil. You know it, I know it, we all know it. It’s his fault for not opening his eyes to it sooner.” A sad look crossed Gwilym’s face, and Charlie already knew what he was going to say before he said it. It was the same thing all the guys had been saying when the issue got brought up. “And no, love is not that complicated.”

Charlie made her way back downstairs, and saw that several people had already left. The mood of the room had shifted considerably, and without saying, people seemed to realize that something had happened. The rest of the BoRhap crew still sat in the living room, but their eyes were watching the stairs, waiting for her to come back down and explain what had happened, even though they were all sure they could guess.

“Is he going to be okay?” Allen asked first, as Charlie took the empty seat next to him. Charlie shrugged.

“I’m sure he’ll be fine.”  

A somber kind of quiet fell over the group, a complete contrast to the upbeat dance music that was blasting through the speakers. The evening’s celebrations had been ruined, and now all anyone could think about was Ben and how he was handling what had just happened. Rami excused himself after a few minutes, and Charlie knew that he was going to go try and find him.  

“He shouldn’t be alone right now,” he murmured, as he pressed a parting kiss against Charlie’s temple, and Lucy followed him out.

A few more people filtered out, and Joe took it upon himself to go down and make sure that everyone else knew that the party was over. Before long, it was just Gwilym, Charlie, Allen, and Joe left in the house and someone had turned the music off.

“Do you think he’s going to take her back?” Gwilym asked awkwardly, after a few more minutes of silence. Charlie was still sitting next to Allen on the couch, but Joe was leaning in the doorway across the room.

“God, I hope not,” Charlie breathed, and Joe laughed. She hadn’t meant for it to come out so loud.

“For his sake, I hope he doesn’t either. Ben’s too good of a guy to keep having his heart broken like this,” Allen added.

Charlie felt a little confused at his phrasing but didn’t say anything. Was this not the first time Ben had a bad relationship? It didn’t really matter. She could only hope that tonight was the last that she saw of Sophia.

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[ohjaimelannister]

What are your predictions for 8x04 and the rest of the season? Plus all the major characters, like who do you think will live?

Oh god anon, Im sorry I didnt see this until now! 8x04 is kinda redundant now, and no one could have really predicted that storm of shite.

Okay so this is gonna be long I guess but here we go.

To be honest with you I only have a few prediction as to where the story’s gonna end up, I’m more concerned with the characters but :Kings Landing and the Iron Throne are destroyed by Cersei and/or Daenerys and Drogon. There is no more ‘King or Queen’ of the Seven Kingdoms, they have a council of a few (possibly elected? but probably not because this is Westeros) lords in a democracy or each kingdom goes back to being completely independent (which in the Norths case I wouldn’t actually mind) .

I’m not sure whether the White Walkers are truly gone or not? I’m not sure whether there’s gonna be something to do with them, but probably not. But basically there’s gonna be a lot of destruction and dismantling of the normal before this is all over.

I think this isn’t going to be type of “The End” situation, life will continue and maybe we’ll get some sort of epilogue about how one of the characters we’ve come to know is murdered under /mysterious/ circumstance (just like how the series began with Jon Arryns murder) or there’s another rebellion and the cycle begins all over again. There will be the inlaying message about how the wheel is never ‘broken’ because power will always be coveted and power will always be taken from those that have it. Basically they’re doomed to live this cycle over and over again. Hence the ‘bittersweet’ ending. All those that died along the way, died for nothing because the politics, backstabbing and wars will never be over.

Characters :

Lets start with The Starks, Sansa- I have nothing much for you except I just hope she lives at this point? Honestly, Id like her to rule and be Sansa of House Stark, First of her Name Wardeness of the North. She cares about her people and loves them endlessly so she’s perfect for ruling and protecting the North because of all she’s learned from figures like Tyrion, Cersei, Littlefinger etc.   I don’t really mind if she marries or not but I’d like her to at least experience a loving relationship at some point in her life after all the shit she’s suffered through, and she just deserves to be happy basically. Though saying all of this considering how they’re writing it at the moment I honestly and truly expect her to end up ruling the north completely alone without any of her family with her because that ‘subverts expectations’ and D&D are shits.

Jon - well I hope for the best again but let’s be honest we’re not going to get it. Therrs two ways this could go : 1.) He doesn’t want to rule and I honestly don’t think he will. I would like him too, he’s good in leadership positions and he’s got the ‘saving the masses’ temperament (re: Wildings and getting himself killed for it) but I’m getting real big “gonna kill my auntiegirlfriend” from him at the moment, and I think we all know by know its been implied that Dany is going to go ‘mad’ and hell do it it to stop her from continuing to destroy an already burning city and more people from dying later on when shes finished with Kings Landing. Itll sort of parallel with Jaimes story in the end, though instead of being protected by the new ruler and his family, Jon will confess to his ‘crime’ and be sent to the North to exile, and go off with Tormund via Castle Black. I don’t want to say he establishes a new Nights Watch because there’s really no need for them now? Unless the WW aren’t really gone, then hell feel like he has too and the cycle will start all over again. Either way, he’s going to end up alone pretty much. As Beric and Ser Alistair said his life will never be easy and hell end up fighting others wars forever.

2.) Basically the same thing as before ^ but instead of being exiled, Drogon will just burn him to death in the Throne Room for killing Dany.

Either way Jons not going to get a happy ending I don’t think.

Arya - Her whole arc on the show has been badly written, and in the end I just want her to be happy with her family and Gendry. BookArya just wants a ‘pack’, basically a family. She fought so long and hard to get back to where she was, and even announced it to one of the most dangerous men in the world that she was “Arya Stark of Winterfell” and that she was going home. Where has that been this season? I want her not to kill Cersei, I want her to see what impact Cersei and Dany tearing each other apart has on KL and decide that vengeance isnt the best route and go to Gendry, who she clearly loves and he clearly loves  her. The Hound might even try and convince her to seek out Gendry because there’s someone in the world that obviously loves her for who she is.  But in all honesty? I think theyll have her just leave without saying goodbye to any of her family and just disappear again to find out what’s “west of Westeros”.

Dany - Dead. I dont like saying it, because I think Emilia has done her very best with whats been given to her (and D&D have done her dirty) but Dany is going to end up being killed by Jon for going mad with power and bloodlust basically. All signs have been pointing to it for a while now and without her morale compass in Ser Jorah and experiencing the pain of the abduction and then murder of someone she loved as a sister is obviously going to send her over the edge. I dont think shes ‘evil’ as such but, shes always had a problem with her anger and temperament, which the others have been skillfully subduing for years, with them gone, watch out world. Of course I could be epically wrong and she could actually win, murder all the Lannisters and Jon in a shock twist and take the Throne for herself??

Cersei - Dead. I mean it would be the ultimate shock and plot twist if she somehow lived and killed all the others? And tbh with the writing at the moment I wouldn’t actually hate that. I think shell probably either get killed by Jaime or take the easy way out like she was going to try to do before Stannis got to her during the Battle of the Blackwater. Nothing too surprising on the horizon there I think (hope).

Jaime - I want him to live? I mean I’ve known for many years there’s a 99% chance the he will die but I still have the smallest hope.  If he has to die let it be heroic, let it be him killing Cersei to stop her from blowing up KL to get at Dany and co. Hed only die if he was wounded in the fight to get to Cersei (which is highly likely), or if he was caught by Dany and she has him executed because it looks like he betrayed them all, when in reality he was the only one who could get close to her. Im not gonna say anything about the leaks because I really hope that if he has to die its a GOOD death (and not falling from towers or jsut to be with cersei at the end or some shit) and that its his redemption arc completed and I really hope while hes killing Cersei he says “The things I do for love” and she KNOWS its not about her anymore. I will really be angry if this is a D&D screw up and they mess his entire character arc up because of this “addiction” nonsense. If he has to die let it be with Brienne by his side (because shes gone chasing after him) cradling him. “In the arms of the woman I love”

My dream for him would be that he lives, goes to Tarth, marries Brienne (after begging her forgiveness and shes punched him, ALOT) and they have warrior babies. The end.

Tyrion - I have two endings in mind for him, Dany finds out about someone is plotting behind her back and either Varys sells Tyrion out so he can keep playing his little games (or they both get found out) and he has a trial and is executed. Or if Dany dies he becomes part of this council thats going to lead Westeros.

Brienne - She lives? I cant see anything bad happening to her at this point unless she goes to KL to save Jaimes dumb ass. Either way I think shell live and end up bearing Jaimes child (whether he lives or not) because they were together for weeks and weeks, and it’ll be a plot device used to carry on the Lannister bloodline when the other three die, like Gendry was for the Baratheons. Which lets face it would cover the whole “bittersweet” ending really wouldnt it? She has to carry and bare the child of a man who loved and left her (with hopefully good reason) but shell never know that so she has to raise him/her alone on Tarth as a constant reminder.

Gendry - Well. Boys got two options (maybe three) But I dont think hell stay Lord of Storms End possibly? If its a choice between Storms End or Arya, I hope hell pick Arya. Shes never cared about him being a lord, she loved him for who he was way before he was made one. Or they just live in Storms End together and raise children. (They have to give us something right????) And the third option - Ive always had this really weird foreboding feeling he’d end up married to Sansa, Arya said no and made it clear she doesn’t want to marry, and if she leaves then…….the whole “i have a son, you have a daughter” thing still becomes a reality.

Pod - Well, I hope he lives, gets made a knight and helps Ser Brienne on Tarth basically. Hes too pure to be ruined (though D&D will probs give it a shot)

Davos - Might live? Im not so sure, if he does hell be helping out the new ruler/rulers in some way?? Or hell just be down in FleaBottom adopting random kids left and right.

The Hound - Will probably die in Cleganebowl and Arya will actually give the gift of Mercy this time, but not before he bestows his dad wisdom on her about Gendry/Life. And if he does by some miracle live hell probably go somewhere, build a house and live there in solitude for the rest of his days.

Bronn - Well I had a joke that this shit (i loved the character early on but this season has just been no) would avoid all the major battles somehow, live on over all our faves and get his damned castle……..Im probably not wrong about this one….

Sam and Gilly - Their goodbye already seemed pretty final? I hope we see more of them because just leaving them at Winterfell seems a bit open ended and weird considering Sam was like, part of the most MAJOR plot on the show? Maybe hell put on this council or be Lord of Horn Hill with Gilly as his wife, which would a great middle finger to his horrible father.

[nivks]

top 5 nick holidays <3

decided to get emo over nicks previous historic holidays for the amazing @grimmyappreciation​ fest ❤️ BIG BIG thank you to Writ for organising this all, its fucking amazing 💞

5. coachella 2013. 

its the ny/ldn crew all together which is a rare gift these days

special place in my heart cos rj. soaking wet after running into the pool holding hands? thats hot.

also cos was got some amazing looks

look how short his shorts look here

look how short his DEMIN shorts look here

also that one vine on nick and alexa in the bathroom

OH the vine of alexa unbuttoning her shirt and its nicks rug

with the sister video of henry unbuttoning his shirt and it being aimees boobs <3

also nick DJin for henry with JBeibz

the pink sweater really!!!!!!

also aimee looked fucking amazing which she always does but!!

and alexa <3

this pic that aimee posted years later as a #tbt

4. puerto rico 2012-2013

okay i barely understood how to use tumblr/social media for like fandom purposes and shit so i was barely keeping up with this but! the puerto rico new years trip! the first holiday i was around for! <3<3

theres a high chance why i love this one so much is cos guy took such amazing photos and it looks dreamy and makes me want like 7 best friends that i can go chill with and do this with

oh wait this was the nicks ‘well #LADDY’ trip

just one of the guys <3

alexa this pic of aimee and this pic of nick are beautiful

this pic of all three? <3

3. miami/ny 2017

WE DIDNT EVEN KNOW what was to come we just thought there was gonna be a prerecorded nick/harry interview while they were both busy but instead we got THIS holiday

this is me @ me living with what happened now

aka the holiday where nick flew his mama to miami

and they hung out at the beach

so much beach time

so happy too <3

eileen put up with nick being extra on insta

nick rly is a mamas boy <3

eileen everyday probably: this is rly my son ayye

nick documenting their target experience

his work experience or whatever at a dentist office must have made a real big lasting impression :/

but hten they FLEW TO NEW YORK 

ykno got some bargins and shit

then

‘lovely boy showing lots of love to his mama. have fun you two xxx’

<3<3<3 when we realised they were at the snl taping <3<3<3

then nick and eileen partying till the early hours with jimmy fallon???

‘not hungover at all. feeling fresh. wish it was hotter.’

cosy home time flyin look <3

technically not the holiday but the first thing he does when hes home is hangout with sunday and instagram his husband holding her so

sidenote did harry have all his gucci shit organised all the w ay back then and was already makin sure all his pals were wearing gucci on his big debut day like nick continued to wear it the first day he was home

 2. miami 2015-2016

i know that we were all disappointed for 0.03 seconds about this trip but like

nick was on the BALCONY in nothing but his PANTS and SHIRT

looking TIRED and HAPPY

looking like hes about to give a shout-out to someone deep swimming

it was just a REALLY nice day

he could star in his own romantic indie seaside drama

that lil peak of hip!

we also got nick and ian <3

oh this jorts masterpeice was a fucking hot look

his cosy airport look

i always rly liked this pic of nick and rita

aimee and iannnnn

NICK and aimee and iannnn

nick and his husband george

oh when nick looked like a pimp wearing tom ford to a new years eve party wHERE HE WAS GIGGLING INTO LEWIS HAMILTONS neck and we never saved the video :( im STILL mad

back to him on the balcony <3

he looks like hes PAST drunk and jus tlike......... wrecked fully completely singing beiber

the artsy dramatic paddling

fake tattoos that i still actually want to be real

OH SHIT THIS IS THE HOLIDAY WHERE THEY NICK AND HIS HUSBAND GEORGE WERE TOO DRUNK FOR THE HAMMOCK

nick eyelashes in the first part but also the part where hes like Mrs Doubtfire is the greatest piece of cinematography ive ever een YEH

oh i giffed his eyes thanks @ past me

FUCKING lol

#natureboy

oh his RUG

oh wow the david attenborough thing aka ‘this man is the alpha. he will smash you up. he will kill you. hes very aggressive. very large. thats the alex.

1. mallorca/barcelona 2018

aka the holiday that started as the #nsfw holiday but really was just a REALLY nice holiday.

a mix between a farewell to breakfast and his dream job while celebrating his birthday and relaxing for the longest amount of time hes ever had off since the breakfast show started <3

a well deserved break that literally felt like lasted a lifetime and had a new rotation of friends every week

everyone from kim jones to liv tyler to helena christensen making an appearance 

nick gettin his ass out for the internet in picture form.

nick getting his ass out for the internet in video form.

and there were the dick pics.

gettin ready for his bday partyyyy

honestly this trip was? the HAPPIEST and LIGHTEST hes ever looked ill stand by that till i die

glad that he and his husband take 97% of their vacations together and im glad they do some really  dumb shit

SMILIN.

like u thought it was over but no. they went to barcelona.

still a hun in the sun.

still drunk and still happy <3

hes a freak tho like i know we were all like yeh hes literelly been drunk for 3 weeks straight now but like. HE exercised.

i love him and i hope he always holidays and is always happy <3

love a self aware holidaying instagram bitch.

ALSO i cant not give a shoutout to nicks mallorca 2015 birthday trip in with

the tin foil hats? tin foil SKINNY JEANS? daisys tin foil bra?

the rug looks when he was really feelin himself (bonus) holy shit his eyes

douglas booth showinhg up and giving us the ultimate dad nick

his drunkass birthday night where he wore his topman shirt and his hands were weirdly massive and i cant rememerb who this guy was but these two pics really......ended me

also the zefron tweets which he probably flipped about to everyone for the rest of the trip

nick and george are actually married in mallorca

also it mustve been announced just like that week that nick was gonna be xf judge cos <3 which STILL makes me ?? but also !!!

also painted nails <3 which seems like a standard holiday thing that he does tbh

wouldnt be a nick holiday unless he wore something on his head randomly either