#i’m better at writing essays after reading other people’s essays and writing my own

[elmoshipsbyler]

not to say that i was media illiterate before, but getting invested in byler, and joining the ST tumblr fandom, has taught me so much about media analysis in such a short amount of time

like the fact that tumblr is the perfect platform for sharing thoughts, and the fact that when we theorize together it’s basically just one big brainstorm

all of that has taught me 1. how to notice/pay more attention to details, 2. how to analyze those details, and 3. how to develop, formulate, and present an argument

i’ve learnt so much from the coolest people, all while laughing at memes and having fun

stranger things fans are so amazing and you’re all so smart and sexy and cool

[the-bi-space-ace]

Hey so I just read your mini essay on the complexity of Crosshair’s beliefs and experiences with loyalty (rip my heart out, why don’t you), and I’m curious about your insights into Hunter’s personality, because out of all of them, he’s the most difficult for me to get a read on. Like, he cares about Omega and the squad, but do we actually see much of his personality beyond the caregiver?

To me he doesn’t show emotional clarity/steadfastness like Wrecker, or loyalty like Crosshair, or duty like Echo, and ambition like Tech. He generally takes things in quietly and seems to have become more indecisive as the show progresses (which makes sense cuz the batch suddenly went from a 100% success rate on missions to “everything that can go wrong does go wrong”). But I want to know Hunter better!! What are your thoughts and opinions?

Hi! I'm sorry it took me so long to reply. I just really wanted to think it through and post something in depth. I’m glad you read the Crosshair post (even if it did rip your heart out, I’m so sorry <3). To be completely honest with you I had no idea what to say about Hunter at first but I’ve given it a few days to think and I actually have a few things that I want to discuss.

Caveat that when I watch The Bad Batch I’m not usually focused on Hunter. Primarily because I just connect with the personalities of the rest of the batch more. There’s no problem with connecting with certain characters more than others, it is just personal preference 😊

Regardless, I have some thoughts, and I am genuinely so excited to talk about this after giving it a few days to think about what my full opinion is.

With the caveat in mind I have some opinions on Hunter that fuel my own viewpoint on his character and how I tend to write him in my own fanfics. To me Hunter has always been very… closed. Even in the Clone Wars he tends to stand back, be silent, only really speaking to give orders, question plans, or occasionally make fun of the rest of the 99. Despite the batch’s tendency to disregard orders and regulation (for better or for worse) Hunter has always thrived under direct understanding of where he stands. That’s why he works well with people like Cody and Rex. They give him clear… not exactly direction but something similar. He understands the rules. He knows how to break them. When the rules change with Order 66 he is thrust into something uncomfortable and instead of taking the problem and tackling it he just doesn’t do that. I am certainly not the first to point out that Hunter is avoidant. He always was.

He lets the batch get into fights and he doesn’t step in until he absolutely needs to. He doesn’t jump to defend immediately - typically, although there are exceptions.

(The way he defends Crosshair from Howzer in S3 E6 comes to mind. I’m still tossing that moment around as a repair attempt tbh. They’ve fought and hashed out some of the messy bits and now they are quietly proving to each other that they’re willing to patch things up.)

He lets his squad sort things out on their own and when it gets out of hand he’ll step in. Hell, I think the best example of this is actually when Rex punches Crosshair. Hunter never actually steps into that fight and I think it is partially because of this avoidant tendency. (The rest maybe because he knew Crosshair bit off more than he could chew and he was willing to let a swift right hook teach that lesson.) We actually see Wrecker step up to defend the squad more than Hunter does. This makes sense to me - Wrecker is big and intimidating and Crosshair and Tech tend to be mouthy. Hunter might be the sergeant of this squad but he certainly isn’t the sole protector nor should he be. (Hunter is still protective - the clones we meet tend to be - just not in the exact ways the rest of them are.)

This avoidance is why we see him ignore the Crosshair situation and latch onto giving Omega a normal life. I am not going to pretend that I like the way he ignores this situation but he reacted exactly how I expected him to. He was thrust into the unknown and without the proper rules he ended up throwing all of his attention onto one thing he felt like he could control. I’ve known plenty of people who do that. Hell, I’ve done that. That doesn’t mean it is the healthiest way to deal with pain or loss or grief. It’s a coping mechanism.

Once he’s sure it’s the chip controlling Crosshair he really latches onto this idea that if they just take the chip out then everything will be fine and dandy. In the same way that Crosshair latches onto this idea that if the batch just joins the empire that they can be whole again.

They’re both wrong.

You can tell he’s really internalized this idea of taking out the chip and everything fixing itself and when that dream is shattered he continues to disappear inside of himself. When things aren’t as simple as taking the chip out to bring Crosshair home he’s angry that suddenly this is more than just a simple fix and he doesn’t know where he stands anymore. There’s anger and hurt directed at him and the rest of the batch and he gets defensive because he thinks there shouldn’t be. He gets increasingly angry and much more confrontational than we’ve seen him be with Crosshair so far. Another worldview shattered, another chip in his already fragile armor, another reason to be fucking pissed. His anger at Crosshair finally pushed him into action, away from avoidance. Is it healthy? Still no. But none of them are really experts at coping. At least he’s letting it out. At least it is in the open. At least we are seeing his emotions bubble over onto the surface. That is what makes me personally interested. Those messy, painful, unhelpful emotions wreacking havoc and making things worse.

We see Hunter buckle down and let his anger fester. I think he continues to do that all the way through season 2 and his conflict with Echo isn’t helping. I have an entire post somewhere in my drafts about Echo and Hunter’s joint leadership but I’ll boil it down to a few points to focus them on Hunter.

Hunter needs a second in command especially now. He isn’t at his best as a leader and maybe that’s not really what the batch needs right now. The GAR is gone. Their lives are upside down. He needs support but he won’t ask for it - stubborn as hell he is. That’s why Echo really helps. I rewatched the seasons specifically to focus on Echo and I think we can see signs of his and Hunter’s joint leadership from the very beginning even before Hunter needs him for support. In a world of uncertainty you need someone to hold on to, someone to help make decisions. His conflict with Echo in season two is just making him more unsteady. The prospect of losing someone else and losing his voice of reason is wearing on him and it only gets worse as time goes on. Sure, he knows they can get by without Echo around but I don’t think he wants that. He was leaning on Echo and once they started disagreeing he realized that maybe he was going to either have to open himself up to relying on everyone else or close up again.

I’d wager that he chose the latter for the most part.

Hunter doesn’t like relying on others. He has this big idea in his head that he’s meant to be the one who has it down but… come on. None of us can do that. I’ve seen a lot of people compare Hunter to an oldest sibling and as the youngest of four I’m not sure I really have much insight into that particular notion but as the sibling who took on the greatest responsibilities in my home I feel this tug of responsibility to the detriment of yourself and others and I see you, Hunter. I see you and you need to stop.

Maybe that’s why I get so frustrated with Hunter in particular. I want him to grow out of this. I want him to change and develop and be angry and show his care more often. That’s part of why I loved S3 E5 so much. Hunter got fucking pissed. He was angry and he let it out and he shoved Crosshair and he showed just how badly he was hurt by everything. Fuck I love that. This is what I wanted to see. Finally he’s forgetting to keep it together and in front of Crosshair he is finally willing to lose his temper. Something really tells me that they used to lose their temper at each other because it was safe to. They clearly don’t know how to talk about their emotions and sort it out like many of us know or learn to - that will hopefully come with time and maturity - but they sure did know how to yell and use their strength against each other. So they fight. And they hurt each other. Then they make up and move forward because what else are they meant to do? They’re going to forgive each other. It’s how it always is - a given.

Hunter’s relationship to loyalty is not anywhere near the same as Crosshair’s but all of the batch end up having some relationship with it one way or another. There’s an excellent post floating around tumblr somewhere and I couldn’t find it to save my life (if you know what I’m talking about and can find the post feel free to link it somewhere) but it says something about how eventually the batch is going to embody the idea that they ‘don’t leave their own behind’ because they simply haven’t remained true to that sentiment yet - through lack of choice or active avoidance. They’ve repeated it a few times and yet the sentiment feels flat as they keep having to leave members of their squad behind or let them walk away themselves. Eventually they’re going to have to prove this sentiment and only then do I really think the show’s true theme can be accomplished.

I want to touch briefly on Hunter’s relationship to touch because I think it comes into play here (and it is admittedly one of my favorite things about him.) He uses touch a lot more than I think we give him credit for. Yes he’s closed off emotionally and he’s not great at talking but he does use touch a lot. He uses it with Echo for reassurance and as a factor to convince him of things often. A plan Echo doesn’t like? Shoulder touch. Echo is still new and Hunter is telling him he’ll get used to things? Shoulder touch. Saying goodbye, serious chat, acknowledging his worries? Touch touch touch. This man doesn’t always know how to use his words but he’s good at putting what he means into a physical reminder. What does the touch say? Loads of things. That he’s there, that what he is saying is not meant to hurt, that he’s pissed, that he’s listening. He does it with Wrecker and Omega and - thinking of their fight - Crosshair but I can’t actually think of an instance where he uses touch with Tech. I could have just missed it so let me know if there are scenes where he does this. He’s relied on physical reminders for so long that maybe words just… aren’t what he uses to communicate. You can feel the way his mood shifts when him and Echo are disagreeing by the way he moves him physically. It’s really those moments that I feel Hunter shines most because those moments are where he feels most open as a character - at least from my perspective.

I use his relationship to touch when I write him and, specifically, when that touch is rejected, what does that feel like for him? When I write him I look at it from a perspective of how he interacts with the world and what he thinks he can give to it. When his most comfortable form of communication - that shoulder touch we all tease about - is rejected and he can’t rely on that anymore what does that look like? Could just be the fact that I lean very heavily towards touch as a form of communication and repair but I focus on it a lot and it deserves a mention while talking about Hunter.

In truth, Hunter is hard for me. I see the avoidance, I see the anger, I see his pain, and yet I still have this feeling that I don’t really see him. What does Hunter really want? Because we’ve only ever seen him talk about what he wants to do for other people. But what motivates Hunter? We can say that it’s keeping his people safe or that it’s settling down or even just boil it down to Omega but what is actually under the surface there? For everyone else I can pretty much pinpoint what it is that motivates them but Hunter is a blank area for me. He says what motivates him but I am much more inclined to believe there is something else really eating at him underneath it all. I also want to suggest that maybe he hides behind doing things for other people to avoid feeling selfish. If he’s doing all of this to protect his squad then he’s not doing all of this because he wants to and it’s not a selfish decision. While I don’t think finding somewhere safe to settle down is selfish I get the feeling that maybe Hunter thinks it is for him specifically. Like he is not allowed to but maybe if it’s about everyone else then it’s fine. It’s always ‘Omega deserves better’ and ‘you betrayed us.’ Never ‘this is what I want and this is how I feel.’

Crosshair’s value system is very strict and at times harsh and unmoving. Echo has a sense of duty and protection that is strong enough to push him into action. Wrecker is motivated by the thrill of things but also by supporting his loved ones. Tech is curious and intelligent, seeking out new experiences and an interest in preservation. But what is Hunter’s motivation aside from ‘settle down’? That’s a goal, sure, but I’m not sure it’s really the right word to place on what he really wants deep down outside of what he wants for other people. I’m not sure I really know the answer to that question.

To make a long post even longer I’d like to see what Hunter wants when it is not connected to his service to other people. What is it that fuels him? Is it the serene calmness of safety that he craves? Being free from worry? Is it the freedom to make choices that he never would have gotten in the GAR? I’m almost inclined to say it’s a bit of everything but I still don’t really know and I would love to actually hear what people think the baseline motivator is for him personally.

[katherynefromphilly]

After taking a recent writing class, I wanted to let the fan fiction story writers know the following:

1. Fanfic writing problems are writing problems! Full stop! The things we discussed in class around writing habits, character, plot, language, etc., are exactly the same as we discuss in fanfic circles. Same things!

2. Fanfic writing is a wonderful way to freely explore your preferred storytelling style. Because there’s no word counts (unless a specific fest is asking for them) you don’t have to worry about the end product of your story. You can meander and wander and tell whatever story you want. Writing for trad/indie publishing tends to make you think of end product before story. I’ve learned not to do that. I need to pretend I’m never going to publish when I’m writing that first draft. Otherwise I get in my own way.

3. Fanfic writing gives us all an amazing gift — a Built In Writer and Reader Community! People who only want to write for publishing really need to work hard to get other people to read their stuff AT ALL because it’s in some unfinished form. When you’re writing for publishing, you have no choice but to find a writer’s circle, or a class for finishing your works in progress, or a mentor, or something. Fanfic has community built right in!

4. Writing fanfic is EXCELLENT WRITING PRACTICE. I’ve gotten better at writing by writing (shock!) and these classes are just increasing the focus of what I’ve been learning already. I had conversations with other students about “what process do they use to plot a story”, and I was able to tell them that I keep varying what I do, and that for me it seems to depend on the story I’m telling. I only know this because I’ve finished so many stories already. I wouldn’t have known that if I had one single book in progress.

5. Writing fanfic can make you a HECK of a romance writer. For my class, I wrote a few different things: a personal essay, a WLW fantasy story, and then a hetero romance meet-cute scene set in a public place. The people in the class, and the teacher, all really enjoyed it. There was no sex, but the language I used was full of innuendo and slow burn… all of which I learned by reading, and writing — guess what? — fan fiction.

TL;DR: Fanfic writers are writers. So the nxt time you want to say “fic” say “story” instead. And the next time you want to say “fanfic writer” say “story writer”. That’s who you are, friends. And thank you to everyone out there writing, and who inspires me to write!

[thesecondbatgirl]

This is not as positive as you think it is

It’s still Rosh Hashanah, and I’m going to post part of those 17 essays I swore I would never write. Starting off the year as I mean to go on? Or something. I originally had this as the first thing on my list of essays that I would never write but would absolutely get me kicked out of Star Wars fandom but I am tired and cranky and I am going to explain why tagging fics where the Jedi Order reform and start allowing attachment as *Jedi Positive* piss me off so much. 

First, let me make this clear. If you hate the Jedi Order and want to write those, go ahead. If you have issues with the Jedi and want to write those fics, go ahead. Nobody is stopping you. What I’m asking instead is to stop tagging them Pro-Jedi or Jedi positive. Use Jedi critical! Or not Jedi friendly! Please use those tags instead! Yes even if you think its Pro-Jedi! If you are saying that the Order needs to reform to be *good* then it is not Jedi friendly!

I mean, look, if you are writing those things then I have issues with the way you’re interrogating the text and will think that you’re *wrong* and also that you’re using some super problematic (and from my point of view, anti-semitic) tropes but if my 21+ years in fandom have taught me anything its that you are never going to get anyone to agree on anything, but tagging will at least allow us to have our own spaces? Like, you wouldn’t have gone into a [pairing of your choice] positive archive and post a fic where [pairing] break up because the one who isn’t your blorbo is abusive so your blorbo runs to *YOUR* OTP, because that wouldn’t fit the theme of the archive! So if your fic is saying that the old rules for the prequel Jedi are bad and need to be changed to be good, don’t put it with Jedi positive content! 

So first. Attachment. Other people have talked about it better than I have, but have some links about what attachment means in the GFFA and no it really does not mean love.

(Listen I am not going to bother to rewrite the meta when Lumi has already done the work for me)

https://gffa.tumblr.com/post/695309005156925440/this-is-every-instance-where-the-jedi-talk-about/amp

https://gffa.tumblr.com/post/680367423839485952/this-is-every-time-i-have-ever-seen-george-lucas

https://gffa.tumblr.com/post/685958601260646400/hi-totally-okay-this-ask-was-very-obviously-sent

https://gffa.tumblr.com/post/685727448042733568

https://gffa.tumblr.com/post/682990707642892288/i-never-understand-what-people-mean-when-they-say

…. Honestly just have the entire attachment tag ok:

https://gffa.tumblr.com/tagged/attachment

So. Having done your reading, for the purposes of the GFFA, attachment is greed/possession and *very very bad* for psychic space monks. It is not a thing that the Jedi can just suddenly *allow*. Letting Jedi start allowing attachments, which is the big thing I start seeing whenever people start *reforming* the Jedi is, to me, a Jew who lives in the US South, the equivalent of Jews for Jesus.

Whoa, TSB, you say. You’re going too far.

Not really. Let’s go with a central belief of Judaism. The messiah has not come, Jesus is not the messiah. For the Jedi, attachment is not allowed is one of the central core beliefs. So saying that the way the Jedi need to reform by changing one of their core beliefs hits me like the person who told me “oh honey, we don’t care how you worship, as long as you accept Christ” did. (Right after I was introduced as being Jewish!) If you’re changing the *core* of who the Jedi are, you’re making them no longer Jedi. It’s not just changing one thing, it’s changing *everything.* 

And, while the Jedi are much more Buddhist then they are Jewish, they still hit me very much in my Jewish feels. Gee, I wonder *why* I could possibly resonate with a minority religious group who were hunted down and murdered and who get accused of a bunch of anti-semitic tropes including baby stealing and secretly running the government???? There are no parallels, clearly.

So look. Every single time I get hit with a fic that’s tagged Pro-Jedi and then its “we changed our rules about attachment and that stopped us from being murdered” what I hear is “the Jews accepted Jesus so we avoided pogroms/The Holocaust.” Or, as another friend pointed out "the Sikhs cut their hair, converted, and so the Mughal Empire let them live.”

Obviously I don’t speak for every Jew, and I certainly don’t speak for any Sikhs, so not everyone is going to agree with my take. But there are people that relate to Jedi and there is a reason why people are uncomfortable with Jedi reform and allowing attachment. 

But if you’re going to write fic about the Prequel Jedi and have them reform, before you tag it pro-Jedi or Jedi-Positive, please consider if “well they have to change who they are to be good” is as positive as you think it is. Tags help people curate their fannish experience. I very much follow the philosophies of YKINMKATO and don’t like, don’t read. The backbutton is my friend! But when I think I’m getting positive fic and then it isn’t? That sucks. Please tag accurately.

…. And well, since I’ve broken my rule about not writing these essays I guess look forward to my future essays of “No the Jedi are not Catholic” and “Actually they don’t have any political power” and “please stop judging the Jedi Order by some middle grade books” and finally “Galidraan was not the Jedi’s fault oh my god Jango shot first” Shana tova, everyone. Let’s try to do better this year.

[stylecouncil]

the people need your verdict: were hemingway and fitzgerald lovers?

do I think they were ever physically lovers? I really have no idea/its improbable that it went on too long if it went on at all and what the extent of it would have been, esp considering how weird fitzgerald was about sex to begin with (read sheilah grahams memoir. which I really do think stems from some sort of abuse, esp when you consider certain pretty telling statements about catholicism/the one intense relationship we know he had with a priest as a young man). both were also so publicly defensive about homosexuality (esp fitzgerald, probably out of necessity of being so outwardly feminine, although you see a real complex view/fixation on it in his actual writing) that it would be unlikely real evidence of this would survive whether it happened or not. zelda certainly seemed to think they had an inappropriate relationship in her eyes, but it’s hard to quantify exactly what that means esp when you combine it with the deterioration of her mental state.

the two of them immensely disliked each other, of which there could be multiple explanations for and might simply come down to hemingways misogyny and cold hearted clinging away from “feminine” showing of emotion or what he said it was, the belief fitzgerald was wasting his talent by remaining married to her/trying to get her help/remaining in their whirlwind of a relationship, but tended to look like this 👇 and was frequently very nasty

in terms of their emotional relationship I certainly think it was intense and scott seemed to value hemingway far more than he valued him (the constant references to him in something like the crack up, the tales of showing up to his house drunk in the middle of the night, the talking about him incessantly to mutual friends etc) but that being said hemingway also seemed to be fixated on scott in some sort of one-sided battle, like he was constantly trying to prove himself the better/not “like” scott ie not as feminine and, in his eyes, pathetic as scott. it seems like there was obviously something within scott that scared hemingway to death. this fixation even carries over to his writing (see: the snows of kilimanjaro, im which fitzgerald is essentially made the poster child for the weak man, a man who may as well already be dead, letting women rule his life, published shortly after fitzgerald released the crack up essays and the ensuing fall out/one of my favorite letters from fitzgerald to hemingway). the fact that fitzgerald seemed to genuinely admire women seemed to be a real sore spot between the two, especially where it concerned zelda. either way, in between their disagreements and the eventual dissolution of their relationship, there were obvious signs of real closeness in their letters

and there seems to be real deliberation in the way hemingway writes about fitzgerald in a moveable feast. like he wants to cause harm, but then also keeps pulling back, (there are a few great essays I’ve read that go into what hemingway left in vs took out of a movable feast regarding fitzgerald, I have a few posts on here that reference them) also don’t get me started on the weird probably false and just meant to make fitzgerald look bad, but nevertheless strangely homoerotic scene he writes into the book about fitzgerald showing him his dick. (It’s a whole thing, also fits right into the theme of hemingway’s need to reassure his own masculinity by using fitzgerald as a scapegoat for his own insecurities).

long story short, I think the two both had some complicated feelings for eachother, a lot things related to fitzgerald are particularly sad/telling

I would say that fitzgerald was in love with hemingway but I’m not sure he knew exactly how to process those feelings/would even admit that to himself so it’s hard to actually fully say that was the case. how hemingway felt is even harder to pin down because he was even less likely to admit something like this to himself. its clear that he almost viewed fitzgerald as a woman and simultaneously treated him in the same derogatory style he tended to reserve for women, and seemed to be interchangeably disgusted by him and as equally fixated on him and with as much admiration as fitzgerald had for him (see: his description of fitzgerald in a movable feast I think all of this comes across even in that concise paragraph). so um what am I trying to get at here.

yeah kind of.

[cangrellesteponme]

Genuine question after reading the mey-rin essay (which I love btw, the way you wrote it? Immaculate): do you think the writing of women in Kuro could improve if they had more focus? Like, with Lizzie i personally did a whole 180° on how I feel about her once her past was more shown during book of Atlantic. Mey-rin I already loved her and after her own "focus" my love for her increased even more, it felt like reading something more real other than just a stereotype or a trope. I feel like they would all be more enjoyable (tho I'm biased because I love them) if they had more time to shine. *pls Yana, Ran Map focus one day, I would love to know more*

hi anon, first of all thank you, i’m glad you liked the essay :))

short answer: yeah, no. focus is not inherently redeeming.

so, we all clear on my take ? good, good. let’s get into a bit more detail. (and into some proper capitalisation)

Now, focus is great and all, but there has to be a reason the new information we get is interesting. In the cases of Lizzy and Mey-Rin, it kind of is the same phenomenon: now that we have more of this background information, it recontextualises aspects of the character we might not have cared for before, and we gain a renewed appreciation for a character we understand better. This works well, and kind of is a requirement, because they both got very rocky starts. We’re turning elements readers have identified as “bad” into parts of a more complex, “justified” whole.

However, I’m going to be very honest here, I think it’s stupid and doesn’t change the fact that the writing of women in Kuro is fucking horrendous.

It’s great for Mey-Rin: it doesn’t necessarily detach itself from previous characterisation and actually strengthens it (hence the feeling of it turning the stereotype more real), and causes no real change in the character. On top of that, the timing is perfect: right before a demonstration of pure loyalty, Yana shoves a big, red “THIS CHARACTER IS THE WAY THEY ARE FOR THIS REASON” sign, which associates the recontextualised elements with a virtue readers will absolutely love. All in all, absolute banger (with a few problems), let’s not write another essay.

But what the fuck was that with Lizzy? Don’t get me wrong here, I love writing about how awful gender is sometimes, but did we really need to do it… like that? In case what I mean isn’t clear, let’s do a quick recap. This very normal child with normal child behaviour (being girly, childish, emotional, and lowkey annoying, in a normal kid way) was very strongly hated (and. well. mocked by the narrative) for those traits, and her turning point is…? Let me check my notes. Ah, yes, the turning point is that Lizzy behaving like a girl is okay not because it just fucking is, but because it’s actually all a lie and deep down she’s a strong warrior who’s just acting like that because she was told to. Obviously you can’t just be both, silly! And yeah there’s more nuance to that, but I’m not writing a Lizzy essay, for a plethora of reasons. What bothers me is that the readers’ enjoyment of the character is dependent on the denial of her previous femininity, and it’s not just an unexpected effect – it’s how it’s written.

(and, sidenote: as a lizzy enjoyer i kind of hate the fandom’s general perception of her? at least with mey-rin it truly improved with time, but with lizzy… people still think of her the exact same way, they just spend a lot of time talking about how much they enjoy the “cooler” parts of her, instead of spending time shitting on the rest of it. anyway, no lizzy essay, i should keep my takes to myself before i end up in trouble!!)

So, based on those two examples: no, focus is not enough to let Yana show that she’s always been capable of writing women.

And as much as I love Ran Mao (which is a lot) I think I will have to deeply sigh at every single aspect of her character if we get more detail. I’ll take it, because I love her, but I will be even more acerbic in my criticisms. Because focus won’t fix her. If you pull a magnifying glass on shit it’s still shit. And the writing of women in Kuro is, in fact, very shitty.

so, anon, i hope my answer is at least interesting? obviously if yana somehow puts her head on straight and starts writing ran mao well i will be here for it but the odds are… not in our favour. as for the other women… well i’d love to see more of lady midford, but that seems unlikely, and i’m always here for more grelle, and her writing is… a complicated issue other people explain way better than i do. so yeah.

[neopuppy]

omg wait wait i remember now!!😭 it wasnt u who posted the armpit one it was boybreed(i think u guys are mutuals? u had rly similar content so i got confused lol). this is a rly old screencap i somehow still have on my phone thank god i dont delete shit😍 i think they also mentioned something about how their astro sign related to all of this?💀

anyway i also kinda remember their hate anon to u but it's way less vivid in my mind😭😭

-haechans armpit anon who's not anon anymore cus i gotta send the pic😞

my messy ass will reply to this bc jcjsjdjxjxjjxc NOW I REMEMBER🤣

I defended boybreed here bc amorajae had been sending me anon hate bc of her friend who I have blocked

the tea: when I started gaining a little popularity on here these group of nct writers decided to come for me. first this girl sent me an ESSAY of a message blaming me for triggering her SA trauma bc y/n didn’t enjoy the sex with Jaemin in Hot Sauce pt3, and if I could re-write it to fix that because YOUNG READERS(pretty sure she said minors), could get the wrong idea abt what enjoyable sex should feel like💀😭

she said herself in the message that she saw it labeled dubcon and still chose to read knowing she wasn’t comfortable with that and when I apologized and asked how to better warn it she didnt give me an answer lmao, and continued to shade me for writing dubcon/noncon on her account along with her little minion group.

I actually told oomf about this experience recently and I too still have screenshots from these times😁 in case anyone wants to try me again bc I DID ask a few other nct writers to read Jaemin’s part and give me their thoughts after this and every one of them said it read exactly as I warned it💀

these group of little minions really gave me such a hard time back then, so when I saw that happening to boybreed I was like NOT COOL!!!!! like who the hell made anyone here the morality police that can dictate someones horny thoughts on their own account???🙄

I was rly quiet abt how those people used to pick on me back then bc I don’t like drama but now I’m like hey if u wanna bother me…..I’m going to make sure everyone!!!! knows it😤

[mip-map-mop]

An Asian's views on blackwashing Asian characters:

I usually don't speak about race-bending publicly, but after seeing other people talking about it on Tumblr and race-bending being a kinda big thing on Twitter, I'd like to make my own kind of essay about it. For now, I'll just be talking about people race-bending my own race and that I'll mostly be focusing on anime characters:

Not all anime characters have a specified race. When they do, they’re mostly Japanese (or at least Asian), as most anime takes place in Japan. Asians have a variety of skin tones, obviously.

I'm an Asian on the darker scale of skin tones, but Asians can have any skin tone. So, no, I am not a "white person speaking over Asians".

Asia is not just East Asia, as Central Asia, South Asia, Southeast Asia, and Western Asia are Asian too.

I have many problems with race-bending, especially when it involves Asian culture, which is my culture.

I'd like it if people reading this will fully read it and will understand where I'm coming from.

The character is not yours. You shouldn’t change the racial element of a character that isn’t yours.

It’s better to create your own character and have them be inspired by the character you want to race-bend.

Races are not interchangeable. Race-bending is a racist version of redesigning a character.

Artists can say “it’s just harmless fun” or “It’s not as bad as whitewashing”. Every race should have right representation. But that’s the thing. Changing a race of a character is not the right way. Race-bending any character can be very racist since it’s erasing the representation that race gets.

Whenever artists race-bend a canonically Asian character, I feel personally offended. I hate the mentality of changing a character’s race just so you can relate to them. You don’t have to change their race to relate to them. You can relate to them because of their personality, backstory, etc. You can like a character, even if they’re not the same race as you.

Black people may not be represented right (sometimes at all), but Asians (and just about every minority) also have the same problem. You can’t just “fix” a race’s problem by increasing problems for another race.

No one is Asian-washing black characters. Example, since this series has a lot of diversity: Josuke Higashikata from JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure: Diamond is Unbreakable/Diamond is Not Crash. People draw Josuke, the half-Japanese and half-British character of Japanese nationality, black. You can literally look up “josuke black” and know what I’m talking about. Artists doing that are not just making Josuke’s skin color darker, they’re replacing his features with black people’s features. If an artist draws Muhammad Avdol from JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure: Stardust Crusaders, the black man of Egyptian nationality, Asian, they definitely would be called racist. But when an artist turns an Asian character black, it’s okay? No, both are racist.

The “Blasians exist” excuse: If you redesign a character to be mixed, their features should be mixed. If you erase the defining racial features of an Asian and replace them with black features, you are not drawing a Blasian, you are drawing a Black person. I really hate it when artists redraw a character as black and say they’re mixed race when they erase literally every racial feature to put in another.

Why can’t people just draw their own black character?

Why not make an OC if you want black representation?

It’s much better than altering a canon character since it doesn’t have racist elements in it.

The reason I’m writing about blackwashing and not whitewashing is because everyone seems to agree that whitewashing is bad.

Imagine taking an Asian character and making them black. Sounds racist to me.

But all race-bending is bad.

Even my mixed African-Asian friend (who actually comes from Africa) doesn't like it when people draw Asian characters black.

As an Asian, I would much rather want to see someone having a black OC than someone redrawing characters of my own race to fit the features of black people.

As an Asian, I would much rather want to see someone having an Asian OC than someone redrawing black characters (or characters of any other race). (Then again, people aren’t drawing non-Asians Asian)

Races are not interchangeable, no matter what. 

[mostlysignssomeportents]

On the Media on the enshittification (pt 1)

This afternoon (May 6), I’ll be in Berkeley at the Bay Area Bookfest for a 3:30PM event with Glynn Washington for my book Red Team Blues; tomorrow (May 7), it’s an 11AM event with Wendy Liu for my book Chokepoint Capitalism.

Weds (May 10), I’m in Vancouver for a keynote at the Open Source Summit and a book event at Heritage Hall and Thu (May 11), I’m in Calgary for Wordfest.

I'm many kinds of writer - novelist, journalist, activist, editorialist, screenwriter - but at core, I'm a blogger. Every bit of interesting stuff that crosses my path gets turned into a blog post, which gets lodged in both a WordPress database and my mind, where it rubs up against other interesting stuff and crystallizes into longer, more considered pieces:

https://doctorow.medium.com/the-memex-method-238c71f2fb46

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/05/06/people-are-not-disposable/#otm

It's an iterative process, and it follows a predictable and often very exciting life-cycle. First, I encounter an idea in the wild that niggles at my attention and I try to capture what it is that's making it so interesting. The act of writing about some little fragment for strangers makes me think about it harder. That means that I end up making connections to other ideas that I've thought about, and things I continue to encounter in the wild.

As I write about the subject over and over again, over days, then weeks, then years, it gets sharper and more focused. I get better at talking about it, sure, but I also get better at thinking about it. This is an activity @brucesterling​ once called "advancing and demolishing potential political arguments that have never been made by anybody but me":

https://locusmag.com/2017/06/bruce-sterling-reviews-cory-doctorow/

At a certain point, the idea "tips." The act of repeatedly writing about it, relating it to new stuff happening in the world, makes it clear enough to me that it becomes clear enough to explain it to other people, too. Then I'm no longer "advancing and demolishing arguments" for myself - everyone gets in on the act.

That's what happened with enshittification. I coined the term while on vacation last summer:

https://twitter.com/doctorow/status/1550457808222552065

Though I was just tossing the idea off idly, it stuck with me. I dusted it off in November to talk about Amazon and ad-tech:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/11/28/enshittification/#relentless-payola

Then in December to write about an aspect of online speech that is wildly important but rarely considered:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/12/10/e2e/#the-censors-pen

A week later, the rapid-onset enshittification of Twitter got me thinking about the subject again:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/12/19/better-failure/#let-my-tweeters-go

And again, just before Christmas, thanks to a magisterial essay by Cat Valente:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/12/23/semipermeable-membranes/#free-as-in-puppies

The idea percolated over the holidays, and I revisited it in January:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/01/08/watch-the-surpluses/#exogenous-shocks

And then, in late January, I had a conceptual breakthrough, thanks to some excellent reporting on TikTok by Emily Baker-White:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/01/21/potemkin-ai/#hey-guys

That was the essay that broke the idea out of my own endless argument with myself into the wider world. Wired reprinted it, using the Creative Commons license on the piece:

https://www.wired.com/story/tiktok-platforms-cory-doctorow/

(All the essays on my Pluralistic blog are licensed Creative Commons Attribution-only - you can republish them, too, including in commercial forums, provided you follow the license terms!)

After that essay went viral, I started to hear from lots of people about the subject and it kicked into overdrive - you can see how it went after that by looking at the "enshittification" tag on my blog:

https://pluralistic.net/tag/enshittification/

The best part of this phase of the process is the move from arguing with myself to having serious discussions with others. And I just got to spend a week doing just that, with some of the smartest, most challenging discussants I could ask for: the producers of On the Media, and its host, Brooke Gladstone.

I'm a giant On The Media fan. I don't think I've missed an episode in decades. And I loved Gladstone's graphic novel about media theory:

https://memex.craphound.com/2011/07/07/influencing-machine-brook-gladstones-comic-about-media-theory-is-serious-but-never-dull/

So I went into this discussion with high hopes, but those hopes were met and exceeded in every way. My conversations with Rebecca Clark-Callender and Katya Rogers brought these ideas into a new focus for me, and then, over the course of many hours, Gladstone and I put them into an orderly progression that was transformative.

On The Media turned those discussions into an hour-long, three-act series. They've just aired part one, "Why Every Platform Goes Bad":

https://www.wnycstudios.org/podcasts/otm/segments/enshittification-part-1-where-did-it-all-go-wrong-on-the-media

It's a superb piece of radio (the FCC_mandated bleeps on the "shit" in "enshittification" are hilarious). Though I'm mostly a sole practitioner, it's a forceful example of the power of collaboration, from Gladstone's challenging questions to the superb editing.

The rest of the series will air in the coming weeks, and I'm told they're going to air it as a complete hour this summer. I hope you'll give it a listen!

Catch me on tour with Red Team Blues in Berkeley, Vancouver, Calgary, Toronto, DC, Gaithersburg, Oxford, Hay, Manchester, Nottingham, London, and Berlin!

[Image ID: Jean-Leon Gerome's painting Pollice Verso, 1872, depicting gladiators in an arena with noble onlookers giving a thumbs-down gesture. The tapestry before the nobles has been replaced with a US $100 bill in which Ben Franklin's mouth has been replaced by an Amazon smile logo.=

[zyrlovesmizu]

I don’t know whether this has been discussed before but my midnight thoughts have been overthinking of some sort of significance to Mizu’s name.

‘Mizu’ means water in Japanese. According to the internet, water invokes ideas of purification, transformation and sadness. In here, I’ll only be focusing on ‘purification and transformation’.

In BES, Mizu is a raging storm whose only goal is revenge.

But we notice that as the series progresses, she starts to have a some change of heart. Even though she had the chance to kill Fowler, she chooses to save Taigen from the castle. Although she could have just easily left them alone and find Fowler, she makes sure that Akemi and the other occupants of the flaming castle escape.

Though, she isn’t the most helpful in a sense. After defending Madame Kaji’s brothel, men sent by Akemi’s father come to take her back. Mizu lets them take her, not even trying to fight back for Akemi’s freedom. It’s understandable though, considering the fact that Akemi will face danger if she follows Mizu.

She is essentially changing from a heartless samurai to someone who, at least partially, puts other people's safety before her own. She eventually opens up and asks for assistance (when she requests for Ringo to help her paint the kanji letters on her body) as she starts to realize that being so self-reliant isn't the best course of action. Like her name implies, she's cleansing herself and gradually becoming a better person.

But as we all know, no soul can be completely pure. As Master Eiji has emphasised, ‘a sword is the soul of a samurai’ and that ‘steel can never be too "pure" and hard, or it would become brittle; thus, some "impurity" would always be needed at the center’. With her own flaws, Mizu is still developing especially since she’s never really been exposed to how a person’s attitude should be. Her spirit is first filled with nothing but blood and a thirst for vengeance, and while she is a total disaster, we soon witness her heart starting to mend and "purify" itself. Like water, she’s beginning to experience a slight transformation in character.

She can never attain full purity like that of water, this we all know, but she has at least started by balancing her values in life.

Damn, thankyou for reading all the way until here! I’m not the best at analysing shows and writing essays so apologies if my point doesn’t come across clearly TT

[racfoam]

More, more, but this time Hermione & Ron notice for the first time but don't really figure it out

“Just... talking to myself. Didn’t mean to say it out loud...” Then, Harry shrugged. “Well, people think I’m a nutter, anyway.”

Hermione and Ron exchanged worried looks. Harry continued writing her essay, making notes on the side, looking completely at ease with writing a History of Magic essay whereas before she would be moaning right alongside Ron. Instead, Harry looked extremely focused, occassionally nodding, writing very quickly.

Ron leaned over to Hermione, and whispered, “I think she's possessed.”

Hermione rolled her eyes. “She’s just taking it seriously, Ron.”

Hermione went back to her reading, looking very proud of Harry, completely unaware the Dark Lord was whispering knowledge in her best friend's ear, unseen and unheard by anyone but Harry.

The next time Ron was sure Harry was being possessed was in the Potions classroom. Most of the day went by as normal.

They were tasked with making an antidote to poisoning. Harry got to work in silence, at the same time as Hermione and Malfoy. It was weird. It was creepy. Ron was pretty sure he was imagining things. The rest of the class started catching up after finding the ingredients and instructions in the book. Hermione and Malfoy had opened their own books to find advice on how to advance onward in the antidote.

Harry’s book stayed closed, and she didn't even glance at the board.

Maybe she studied it, said his brain, trying to ignore the twisting, sickening feeling swieling in his stomach. Maybe she can brew it in her sleep. She has been studying the entire summer.

Yeah, but she botched the first potion this term, provided the other voice, the one arguing for reason.

It was an honest mistake. She just missed one instruction. argued the other voice. Goyle's potion was worse than Harry’s. Snape targeted Harry specifically.

But look at her. It's like she has the instructions in her head. Look how well she's doing it. Like she’s done it a thousand times. And she knows each ingredient, too.

Maybe Sirius helped her with some brewing during summer?

It looks like...

Like what?

Like someone's telling her what to do.

Ron's stomach dropped.

Harry finished with the antidote. Ron tilted his head to take a look at it; it was perfect. And he means... Perfect. Snape was not happy, which meant Harry was doing it right. He only passed by Harry without a word, his face a perfect mask of disinterest.

The brewing time was done, and they went by surnames to present their cauldrons for Snape to mark. Hermione got full marks, of course, and earned Gryffindor five points. Malfoy got an E because the colour was red instead of pink, but got ten points. Snape was a dirty snake, and Ron had to hold himself from throttling him.

It took a while for Harry to get there. She presented her cauldron. Snape surveyed it, swirling the liquid with his wand. Then he even tasted it.

He frowned, and then, he...

“What did you do after adding hazelnuts?" demanded Snape.

Everyone stared, unable to believe what Snape was doing. It was their first time making this antidote, only Hermione would know the process by memory.

“Er... I mixed it three times counter-clockwise,” replied Harry.

“Then?” demanded Snape.

“Um... then added two drops of crocodile blood.”

And so it went. For the next thirty seconds (Ron watched the clock) Snape questioned Harry on the methods. A few things were different, but they were little adjustements that Ron would not know about had Hermione not murmured “Oh! That makes it more effective for people with AB blood type!" or “that ingredient is less hazardous but works the same”

“And then?”

“Crushed it with my knuckle to pour the juice from the plum. That way, the nectar is still fresh. Better than squeezing it.” said Harry.

Snape looked at Harry, frowning. For a moment, he looked concerned by the fact Harry had recalled the entire process correctly, answered all his questions correctly.

“Is there a problem, sir?” asked Harry, confused.

“No, Potter,” said Snape. “No problem at all. Fifteen points to Gryffindor.”

Everyone gaped. The rest went to present their antidotes for evaluation, Hermione was cheering Harry on happily “Well done, Harry!” and Dean and every Gryffindor was patting Harry on the back. Even the Slytherins looked impressed, not able to say a word, too stunned to speak. Not even they got fifteen points except Malfoy, and he didn’t get them this time, either.

And yet, even as Ron exited, following after the cheering Gryffindors and their applause out of the dungeon, following after a grinning Harry and a beaming Hermione, instead of feeling triumphant for the gained points and happy and proud of Harry, he felt sick to his stomach.

Like somebody had been whispering in Harry's ear...

Dread filled him, and his fingers clenched around his backpack. Harry wouldn't do that. She didn’t know how to open the soul bond. And even if she did, Sirius told her not to talk to Voldemort... Harry was too stubborn and proud to accept Voldemort's help... There was no way she would...

Like somebody had been whispering in Harry's ear...

Harry has the 'um' and 'er' to cover up she is telling Voldemort the question through the soul bond.

[allographica]

Hi there! My name is Fay Roberts, and I’m the founder of Allographic Press, which has been running since August 2011.

In this post, I’ll be telling you a bit about Allographic, about the new initiative we’re launching this week, and how you can submit work to the next anthology.

And if this is all a bit much to read, we have a simplified checklist here.

About Allographic

Allographic’s founding aim, and continuing mission, is to platform the voices less heard, raising marginalised stories into mainstream view as much as possible. So far we’ve mostly achieved that through open mic guest artists, hosting special performances, supporting the Other Voices show at Edinburgh Fringe (intersectional feminist spoken word cabaret), and focusing mostly on publishing single collections by people of marginalised identities.

New Venture

Now we want to go a step further, bringing back the Small Word anthologies we used to do, and theming them for a variety of experiences less explicitly well-represented on the publishing scene in the UK. The initial plan is for them to come out quarterly, in limited runs of 100 printed copies of A6 pamphlets, plus using ebook technology on a variety of platforms, to make the work more accessible. Please follow this blog and our various social media outlets, for news of the anthologies as they come up.

Submit to the anthology

So, to kick off, we’ll be producing an anthology based around the notion of neurodiversity – whether that’s autism, ADD/ADHD, synaesthesia, dyslexia, dyspraxia, dyscalculia, hyperlexia, Tourette’s Syndrome, or any of the other experiences that sit under the banner of neurodivergence – we want to publish your poems, stories, essays, photos, and original artwork (though please note that the latter two will be in black-and-white in the print versions). Please note that, for the purposes of this publication, self-diagnosis is perfectly valid as a basis for writing about the experience of neurodivergence. The working title for the anthology is currently Synaptic Resonance, but we’re definitely open to alternatives if you come up with something better!

Submit via this form.

Timelines

The deadline for submission is 28-Feb-23; we’ll be closing the form at midnight on 1-Mar-23 (GMT), with an aim to publish at the beginning of April 2023, with an online launch event shortly afterwards. It’s free to enter, and, if your work is selected, you’ll receive a free copy of the printed pamphlet and ebook. As with all these themed anthologies, we’ll be asking about your personal connection to the theme, as we’ll be prioritising selecting the work of folk who are neurodivergent themselves in this instance. The limit on entries is 3 pieces, with no limit on length (though we may reserve the right to publish an excerpt with a link to the full version online, especially for essays/ stories, etc.), and each piece must be submitted in its own separate file (see form for details – MS Word, ODT, and RTF files are fine, ditto PNG and JPG for artwork, but no pdfs). If you submit more than one piece per file, we will ignore anything beyond the first piece. Please note that for poetry and prose we are after pieces that are completely or mostly written in the English language, as we currently do not have the means to proofread other languages beyond Google Translate! You should hear within two weeks of the closing date whether your piece has been selected. Please note that we do not have the capacity to give feedback on individual pieces at this time, and we will not be accepting unsolicited manuscripts, or submissions via any means but the form provided, mostly because we’re a tiny team and there have to be some limits!

Please note that, if you want to ensure that we experience your poems (especially concrete poems) in the format/ layout you intend them, it will be best to download our template and submit your files based on that.

Link to docx template

Link to doc template

Link to odt template

If your images include text, please try to use the Verdana font, as that’s what we’ll be using, for the sake of accessibility and consistency. Likewise, we’ll be asking you to supply image descriptions for any visual work you submit so that we can embed that in the ebook versions to improve accessibility.

Conclusion

So, talk to us about the trials and tribulations of communication and executive dysfunction; the joys and marvels of a brain that sparkles in dark places and sees the usual rules as guidelines at best. We want to hear everything, from across the spectrum (yep, we went there) of experience.

We look forward to seeing what you’ve got for us!

Image from a blog post from Hult Business School, entitled Thinking differently: Researching neurodiversity in the workplace

[fionacle]

In English class class last year I had a ‘Saving Holden Essay’ (short story) where I had to write Holden from The Catcher in the Rye meeting me and I help him work through stuff. Throughout the book I’d felt a strong connection to Holden, plus I was excited to try out the informal writing style, so it’s easily one of my favorite writing projects I’ve ever done. Decided to turn it into a Y/N thing for you guys because maybe others like him too, and even though I’m not romantically attracted to him, apparently a lot of people at my school have been, so if you interpret it that way I can offer some food to a crush that I assume doesn’t get too much content (I’ll google after I post this). Unfortunately me being (outwardly anyway) a girl is important to how Holden acts towards the reader (originally me), so it’s not gender-neutral.

In the first draft I had me keep refusing to accept his help because stranger danger, but then his continued insistence made him too much of a creep and 1. That sucks he deserves better and no one wants to read that and 2. How the hell is that supposed to transition into me helping him?? So help accepted.

Anyway, story under the cut :) (and yes the first couple sentences are taken straight from the book)

I didn’t know where the hell to go. I didn’t want to go to another hotel and spend all Phoebe’s dough. So finally all I did was I walked over to Lexington and took the subway down to Grand Central. My bags were there and all, and I figured I’d sleep in that crazy waiting room where all the benches are. And I woulda done it too. But on the way, I wasn’t looking where I was going, and I walked right into this girl.

We didn’t fall on top of each other or anything, like they do in the movies. Where the guy lands on the girl with his hands next to her shoulders. And it takes them a second to realize what happened. But then they see they’re in this real perverted position, and they get up all flustered and embarrassed. No, it was nothing like that. The girl just kinda dropped what she was holding on the floor, and started saying she was sorry over and over while she picked up her things. I told her it was fine, and figured I outta help her out, so I bent over and started picking them up too. I looked at her and noticed she was pretty pale, and had scabs and bumps all over her damn face, though not as bad as Ackley’s. Her hair was short and brown, and kinda messy, but she didn’t look half bad. I half expected we’d grab a book or something at the same time and accidentally touch hands, then she’d look away all shy, and I’d take her out to coffee to apologize. The goddamn movies, they’ll ruin you.

All the stuff had been picked up, so we stood, and she looked at me, probably expecting me to hand her her things. But I felt weird letting a girl carry all this on her own. “Let me carry it for you, where you heading?” You could tell by the look on her face that she wanted to accept the help, but didn’t want to seem rude. That killed me. “Oh, no. It’s no problem, really. I can handle it myself.” “I insist. Come on, where you heading?” I took a step closer, and she looked like was getting a little uncomfortable, but I didn’t really feel like stepping away. “Where you heading?” “Just going home after visiting a friend. Her apartment isn’t too far from here.” “I’ll come with you, got nothing else to do.” “Well, I mean, if you don’t mind.” She killed me, she really did.

We started walking down the road away from the waiting room, and there was a while where neither of us talked. I think we both wanted to say something, but there’s a point when you’ve said nothing for so long that breaking the silence starts to feel like a crime. But then I thought I might ask her about the ducks, and that felt like a reasonable enough excuse for breaking the law. No one else seemed to know, but she was new, so it was possible she’d have an answer. “You know the ducks at the pond?” She sort of jolted when I said that, and she gasped as if I’d just told her her mom died. Guess she wasn’t expecting me to talk. “S…sorry, which pond?” “The one in Central Park.” “Um, yeah, I guess. Why?” “Where do they go? During the winter, I mean.” “Oh, I’ve never really thought about it before.” “Well, I think more people ought to. Not enough people are worried about where the ducks go.” She smiled at that, a real big genuine smile. I wasn’t really sure why, you could tell I was really sort of frustrated. “I think they migrate, like butterflies.” “What the hell do butterflies got to do with it?” “Well, they migrate too. Have you ever seen pictures of monarch butterflies huddled together on trees?” “No, because I’m not talking about the damn butterflies! Everyone’s always bringing up other things, I’m not asking about the butterflies or the fish, I’m talking about the ducks!” Her smile fell, and she looked away for a second. And I almost felt bad that I’d sort of yelled at her. It wasn’t that I was mad at her or anything, really, just that I was tired of people avoiding the question.

She still didn’t look at me, but she said something. It was so quiet I barely even noticed she was talking until she was half way through the damn sentence. “I think they fly south, where it’s warmer, and then they come back when spring comes.” I stayed quiet.

She looked at her feet. “Why don’t you just look it up in a book? You banned from the library or something?” “No, I’m not banned from the damn library! I… just don’t really want to.” “I get it. I think.” “You do?” I tilted my head like a confused puppy. “Yeah, like… maybe you can just never remember to go, maybe you’re scared of the answer, maybe you’re scared of the search being over, or maybe all three. It sucks to lose something you can ask people about, and stuff isn’t as fun when you just give it a definitive answer. It just loses something. Sorry, I don’t know if that makes sense.” “No, it… it makes a lot of sense, actually.” She turned to face me again and we just silently smiled at each other, it felt nice.

“Oh, this is my apartment building. I can take everything from here.” “I can help you bring it in.” “No, I think I’d prefer to do it myself, thank you.” “I was thinking we could chat some more.” “Maybe another time, bud.” I put what I was holding into her arms and she adjusted her grip around the pile to make sure she wouldn’t drop anything.

She started to walk off, but then quickly spun back around looking real shocked and embarrassed. “Oh, I just realized I forgot to ask your name!”

“Oh, I’m-”

I thought for a moment. I wasn’t really in the mood to lie about my name, to tell you the truth.

“Holden Caulfield.”

She smiled, and sort of chuckled a bit.

“(Y/N) (L/N).”

[merrivia]

your essays of literary analyses for captive Prince  fascinate me, amuse me, entertain me (in the "wow, this is so cool" sort of way and "maybe I'll read this whole thing again"), educate me, and get me thinking harder about my own reactions to the books.  I believe that I do my own level of analysis as I read, seeing many but far from all of the same things, and stopping as I go to say, "hey, waaaait a minute" or go back and reread relevant passages earlier in the book or in earlier books. but I am very far away from being able to put things together the way you do. 

 I do a few simple things, like collecting multiple examples of something (I did that for showing that Damon is the kind of guy who gets "annoyed" about things that might or might not send the rest of us into a rage), and another too-long one why I thought "I speak your language better than you speak mine sweetheart" comment happened.

… I do have a question. Here it is. How much of the content of your essays are you consciously aware of while you're initially reading,? How much prep do you do for your essays – – outline? A few of your own cliff notes😁? Or or do what I mostly do, to the detriment of my material but not yours, and just start writing?

Oh wow, thank you so much that’s such a huge compliment! I’m always so happy to hear people enjoy the metas/essays I write, genuinely. I would love to read the posts you mentioned you wrote! I’ll hop over to your page and find them after I post this.

So I don’t really do any prep at all! No notes, no outlines, no plans. I’ve re-read the books 4 times solidly in a row, and want to do a 5th soon (I’ve given myself a little bit of a break, so I don’t lessen my love of it through overfamiliarity!). I think at this point my mind just picks up on patterns and starts to weave things together, subconsciously? Something will just occur to me and I’ll get the urge to write about it. I’m a big believer in that coming from the texts; I still find lines or paragraphs in the books so interesting and intriguing and the way Pacat writes…it’s so rich that there are many aspects to explore.

I also really believe in the power of reading around and seeing where that takes you too. Originally my essays were completely just what came from my mind, but I’ve started leaning towards letting other ideas shine their light on the books too. With my latest post, I knew that Damen’s trauma was different to Laurent’s but I also knew that I was no expert in trauma responses and wanted to read more about it, happened to stumble on Tick’s work almost immediately which just felt like such a powerful connection as it draws partly on classical traditions and I started to put the essay together.

I always come from a point of ‘things are more complicated than they seem’ about pretty much anything and I’m always very wary about people that try to oversimplify discourse. A simplistic reading of Damen’s character would say ‘he’s not got emotional complexity, he’s just a horny jock dressed up in Akielon clothing’ and honestly that’s just so reductive and not true but also…boring, and is essentially a discredit to Pacat’s intelligence and skills. Once you start thinking there’s more under the surface here, you can start to plumb the depths.

I do follow a rough introduction/main/conclusion structure as per any essay, which helps? I’m pretty much trained mentally in the English way of writing literary essays so I do it automatically. I hadn’t realised this till you asked but because I really enjoyed the books and don’t really see myself negatively critiquing them, my conclusions reflect the happy ending of the books where I tend to see things positively? So the end point is kind of already in place. I think the points I make follow similar essay style patterns; start more broadly, then narrow down like a funnel or start a little more chronologically and then move forward (like establishing who Damen is first, and his warrior status is going back to how he was raised, then we can use that to inform his initial reactions in CP before following that thread all the way to The Summer Palace). I’m fond of what appears to be a tangent but is actually a loop back, that illuminates (like I talked about violence as an intimate act, having read that in Tick’s work, and how Laurent particularly provokes that from Damen but that led me to realise if you do choose violence over love as a form of intimacy, you are going to have to pay a price for that).

Ideas do reveal themselves through the writing. Once I’d read that warriors could heal and reintegrate through society recognising them (Edward Tick actually performs these “Warrior Welcome Home” ceremonies for combat veterans, as part of a healing process) I thought well Damen had that in Akielos, and then it was like a little lightbulb moment of ‘Ah but by being in Vere, and around Laurent, he’s gone from hero to villain’. And Laurent has suffered the anguish of being vilified and having his character destroyed, and actually doesn’t realise he’s doing the same to Damen (I didn’t put that in, as there’s only so much you can write! Sometimes holding back on your ideas is good too, to keep the essay tighter. Incidentally one day I am going to do more metas on Laurent and his feelings towards Damen but I’m so respectful of his labyrinthine mind that I want to be very certain of my ideas before I do!).

I hope that kind of answered your question! If you ever want to chat about CP stuff you can absolutely dm me, I love talking about the books ✨

[drdemonprince]

Hey Devon. In your book you talked about how often, autistic people are more likely to face abuse. That’s very true in my experience. I’ve been in several abusive relationships and I’m in one again but at the same time I don’t want to leave because like you said, we fear abandonment. You didn’t really give tips on how to get out of abusive relationships unless I’m not remembering correctly and in that case my apologies. But I’m just wondering if you could give some tips on how to get out of a situation like that while having abandonment issues and not wanting to leave because you love the person. Thank you

A few years ago, I wrote an essay with advice for people who love someone who is currently being abused, and want to be able to support the abuse victim better. Ultimately though, the piece is also about what it's like to be a victim and to hide your abuse from your friends and loved ones while it is happening, and what slowly coming to the point of deciding to leave looked like for me. So I think you'll get something out of it:

On average, it takes seven attempts for a domestic abuse victim to make a lasting break from their abuser. If you aren't ready to end it yet, you deserve to be patient with yourself. In the meantime, keep a journal of your feelings and the worst of your experiences (if you can do so safely). Identify a friend or two whom you can really be honest about the abuse to, who will listen and not judge you or try to force your hand (a virtual friend is fine for this if you cant meet face to face). Begin contemplating some the specifics for when you do leave: where would you live, who could help you move, how would you spend your time, how would you like to decorate your own space. Having something to look forward to on the other side is essential.

Loving someone who mistreats you really is like an addiction in a great many ways, and so I have found a great deal of meaning from writings on harm reduction, as well as books on codependency, and dialectical behavioral therapeutic approaches to fears of abandonment. There are some codependency workbooks on my to-read list right now that a friend recommended after reading Unmasking Autism and seeing much of their own dating life reflected in the book. I'll report back once I've had the chance to try them out.

I wish problems like these had a tidier answer, but for me overcoming these tendencies is an ongoing struggle and I still yearn for my abandonment anxieties to be soothed in a way that I think they ultimately just never will. I have tried all my life throwing pursuits and people into the chasm of my own neediness, and never have I ever felt filled up. I'm starting to think these feelings and yearnings are just a life wound I need to accept living with, and that acceptance of that pain will bring me the closest to healing and peace that I'll be capable of. I think it is still possible to lead a meaningful life with many wonderful experiences while lugging that baggage around. I hope you find a way to carry that weight that works for you.

[ophiespeaks]

Illiteracy in higher education.

i usually don’t post about my personal life on here but i had an interaction so confusing that i wanted to share it into void. if i talk to any of my friends about it it’s too personal and i feel like i’m making fun of this person specifically so internet anonymity is the better option.

So, I essentially work as a writing tutor at my university. People come in and have me look over their academic work and I point to sentences or paragraphs and tell them what I think needs improved or explain to them why a concept works and that sort of thing. I had someone come to me applying for grad school (Yippieee!!) and they asked about a specific type of paper/assignment that can be included in a grad school application that I’ve personally never worked with before. Instead of being like “sorry dog i’ve never applied to grad school” and calling it a day, I decided we would collaboratively look for sources with the information they needed. They watched me almost confused as I scrolled down the first few results and clicked on a website from something like the university of Illinois. they then asked me why i scrolled. almost absentmindedly, i kind of just gave a brief explanation while looking for an example paper, something like “oh, it’s an edu.” They were confused. So, i ramble-explained that .edu, .org, and .gov are all semi-reliable sources when compared to a .com. with further prompting i explained some of the nuances. for example, a .com is commercial, it can be owned by anyone who wants to or in some cases pays for the website to stay up/keep the url. meanwhile i explained edu is educational-sites only, like college homepages, .org is an official organization that has to have some level of verification and documentation that they’re a real company, and .gov is an offfical government site. this person then asked me what does the difference mean in terms of including them in things like essays and research. essentially, I just explained that while .coms are often correct based off of a lose honor system (people wouldn’t visit their site if they were wrong about stuff), they’re almost always secondhand information just conglomerated into one site. (think of wikipedia, for example.) Versus anything published on a .org is probably organization findings, or on a .edu it’s probably professor/instructor research and grad school datasets conducted at the university, a .gov is officially released government information which includes a wide variety of things. but, at its core, the three others are more likely to provide primary sources, finding the original study, data, quote, etc.

i didn’t think too much about it at the time but I’m actually going crazy over it now. I thought that I was incredibly tech illiterate. but— applying for graduate school and not knowing the real difference on why you’d use a .edu over a .com was insane to me. after further thought into this subject I honestly don’t even blame this individual. i genuinely think education, both public and university, are FAILING to teach people not only basic english skills, but basic online navigation.

this person was only 3-6 years older than me. university professors ask you to use APA formatted citations with academic sources and don’t even bother to read your citation list, calling it good enough if it looks correct when they skim over it. not to mention the citation list was almost absolutely generated on perdue owl’s APA 7 generator site. this lack of attention and honestly care of these instructors to teach, combined with the idea of “no child left behind” being implemented is currently allowing adults, some applying for GRADUATE school, to miss crucial aspects of academic writing. what’s worse is this person is studying language. i really don’t blame them— you don’t know what you’re never taught. i’m more upset that the institution had this person go through four years for their bachelor’s degree and somehow never taught them why you should try and use other urls/websites than a .com for an academic source. of course, there are exceptions to this rule, obviously. and, again, .com sites can absolutely be correct. but the fact that i had to explain this to someone applying for graduate school makes me not think that this PERSON is ignorant, but that the education system has failed to teach them the proper channels and methodology for what they’re doing.

this lends to a much bigger issue that I’m seeing in my workplace. that is, English-native speakers not being able to write…anything. illiteracy is no joke. and i work with people with learning disabilities and such pretty frequently— that’s not what I’m talking about. in fact, those writers are often more receptive to feedback and are actually easier to work with than someone who just wants me to “proofread” their essays. I’m not talking about writers with learning disabilities. however, I’ve seen honors-colloquium english students come in with some of the most unreadable garbage i’ve ever seen. and i don’t mean that to be an asshole. i mean, literally, i don’t even know what they’re writing about for half a page because i can’t understand their sentences. common mistakes i see, listed in no particular order:

1. Typing something out how it sounds. A correct sentence would be “David and I walked down town, looking for our lost dog.” I’ve seen a similar sentence that actually said “David an I walked downtown, looking four hour lost dog.”

2. Missing Punctuation. I mean genuinely no punctuation, anywhere. the entire essay is a run-on sentence. (I tutor only at the college level, for reference.) This also includes contractions not having the necessary apostrophe. I’ve seen “im,” “weve” “hasnt” more times than i want to admit.

3. Sentence structure. As in, no one knows how to write one. I get sentence fragments all the time. “Jumped on the bed and sat down.” While you can start on a verb, it most commonly has to be in gerund form (-ing words, in this case, Jumping.) Also, this sentence has no real subject, making it just feel wrong inserted into a larger paragraph. Who’s jumping? Your guess is as good as mine.

4. Right word, wrong type. “Your” versus “You’re.” “There” “Their” “They’re.” This sort of thing. Apostrophe “re” (‘re) signifies “are,” as in “You are” or “They are.” For the other two: There is where we go, I’m headed over there. Their has an “I,” so we’re talking about people, as in, The car is theirs. Another one much more uncommon that personally upsets me when I do see it is “Through,” “Threw,” and “Thru.” We’re going through the tunnel, and she threw the bottle behind her. Threw is a verb, an action word, whereas through is a preposition, adverb, and/or an adjective. “Going through” is an adverb, for example. Thru is a drive thru. You’re picking up a McChicken and a coke.

5. Misunderstanding nuance. This is almost exclusively seen in essays for english courses where they’re reading a book, sometimes something like a play or they watched a movie, but usually it’s a book. This is less “technically” wrong and more…media illiteracy than anything else. For example, I had someone write an essay on why they thought it was stupid that Gatsby was narrated by Nick Carroway. I wanted to hold their hand while I explained why, in fact, it was a purposeful and deliberate choice from Fitzgerald to make Gatsby the focal point but NOT the narrator. That it wasn’t an oversight because the author was stupid. I love literature analysis. But there’s a difference between having a different interpretation of a piece versus just fundamentally misunderstanding it. One of my favorite topics I’ve ever written about is the queer-coded nature of Carroway and Gatsby and symbolism in the novel, which might not be the author’s intent and most likely isn’t the same read that EVERY individual reading Gatsby had. There’s a difference between adding interpretation versus straight up just…not understanding a big part of it.

There’s absolutely more examples but to avoid redundancy (another huge issue in essays I read, but I digress), my point is that schools have failed us. Covid, no child left behind, etc. have ensured that everyone passes so long as they turn their work in. Not just that- completing an assignment is a 100% A+ in most cases. A professor is questioned and hated for giving a bad grade to a bad essay because the student has been Pavlov’d into thinking that turning in essay = A. they aren’t getting better because there’s no upper grade for them. if they can get a perfect grade turning in word vomit, why would they ever give a shit? why would they ever try to get better? but then, they encounter the one professor who doesn’t give easy grades. who wants their work to excel, who wants them to produce something of substance. and not only do they suffer greatly because of educational mishandling outside of their control, but then they blame the PROFESSOR, who only wants better for them. it’s a cycle that keeps everyone hating each other instead of hating the real villain of all of this. The American Education system.

I’m gonna get off of my soapbox because I could genuinely be here all day. Also, if I made any grammar or punctuation errors here and you think pointing it out is some epic “OWNING,” i assure you it is not. because the difference is that this is an unedited tumblr text post that is still written better than 75% of the essays that come across my desk.