#i’m finding it so funny how john doesn’t like mom’s new boyfriend

[dannibals]

when he calls you his purpose so you chop off his arm (this is flirting)

[jj-babebank]

Camp Willowdale / JJ Maybank AU / PART 6

Synopsis: Camp Willowdale is buzzing with new campers. It’s Caroline Windsor’s first year as a camp counsellor after attending the camp as a camper for ten years. Little does she know that this year Willowdale Lake is going to be a little different from what she is used to it being…

Warnings: future chapters may include curse words, mentions of drugs, mentions of alcohol, mentions of sexual activities, mentions of death.

Pairings: JJ Maybank x fem OC Part 1 ; Part 2 ; Part 3 ; Part 4; Part 5 ;

Masterlist

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Part 6 -

49 days of camp left

“The thing I don’t understand is,” said JJ, taking a sip of his coffee several days later at breakfast, “How is everyone so chill about all of this?”

“Yeah, everyone except for us,” said Caroline.

“And Topper,” mumbled Sarah.

Her three friends all looked up at her, eyes wide.

“What?” she looked back at them, eyes equally as wide in confusion, “Why’d you think he’s been moping around camp, face looking like a slapped ass?”

“Sarah, why didn’t you say anything at the campfire?” Caroline asked angrily.

“Um, I did,” defended Sarah.

“Um, no you didn’t,” clapped back JJ, getting visibly annoyed.

John B nodded and mumbled quietly, “They’re right, you didn’t…”

“Not now, John B,” snapped Sarah at him, turning towards her other friends, “What do you mean I didn’t?”

“When we asked you about what Topper said, you literally said ‘oh nothing of importance, he doesn’t care about the bitch either’ and then you went back to glaring at those girls goggling at John B,” said JJ.

Sarah scoffed, “I was only glaring because they refuse to listen to me and only do whatever he says,”

“That’s beside the point, Sarah,” sighed JJ, “If you weren’t too busy doing that, perhaps you’d have mentioned that Topper doesn’t buy the whole boyfriend story either, which could mean that we’ve got an ally amongst all of these lunatics!”

“Sorry,” Sarah shrugged, “I guess I just got distracted,”

Caroline shook her head sighing, “Anyway, it’s almost 9,” she looked at JJ, “What’s on our schedule for today?”

“Funny you ask,” JJ responded, “We’ve actually got swimming until 11, which means the kids have swimming until 11 and we can just chill by the lake,” he wiggled his eyebrows, “If you know what I mean,”

In the days since camp began, the whole Madison thing had died down and since there was no new occurrences and, well, no new leads, Caroline and JJ decided to put their primary focus on their teens. They’d made a small rule that every time their schedule indicated that they’ve got an activity where their physical participation is not directly required, Caroline would sneak some whiskey in their thermoses and they would quietly drink it in secret, just to spice up their day.

So far Caroline was doing a pretty good job at hiding her crush on JJ, which was somehow becoming bigger by the day. For some reason everything that JJ did was attractive. Whether it was him running, or teaching the boys how to tie a noose, or eating (pretty messily) his food, or not to mention swimming practice when he was required to get naked – Caroline could just stare at him all day. She was somewhat happy about their newfound tradition of taking over some of their daily tasks while tipsy because the alcohol was somewhat helping her seem more confident and less shy.

Caroline tied her long brunette hair in a Dutch braid and smeared the tiniest bit of mascara on her lashes, just to seem effortlessly pretty, of course. She adjusted the straps of her swimsuit and grabbed her and JJ’s prefilled thermoses before heading out to meet the boy and their group in front of the camper’s cabin.

“There she is,” said JJ, unable to hide his excitement, “We ready to go?”

The campers all agreed and they made their way down towards the lake, where Caroline and JJ sat at one of the benches while their campers hurried into the water.

“Now, now, Teens 2,” said JJ after them, not too bothered about sounding strict, “Usually our timetable says swimming, but since we’re all grown ups here, we can all do whatever we want, as long as we don’t go too far away from me and Carrie’s eyesight, alright?”

Everyone agreed and JJ sat back down next to Caroline, who handed him his thermos.

“I’ve gotta give it to you, Maybank,” she said, taking a sip of the spicy liquor in her flask, “You’ve got a way with kids,”

JJ smiled down at her, taking a sip too, “I mean they’re hardly kids, C,” he said, “Besides, I try my best, I wouldn’t want to embarrass myself in front of you,”

That blush that Caroline was all too familiar with crept back onto her cheeks, “In front of me?” she repeated, surprised.

“Yeah,” nodded JJ as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, “I don’t see any other pretty girls around here,”

Caroline looked in the opposite direction, too shy to look at JJ, as she took another rather large sip of her drink, “JJ…”

“What? Can’t a guy give you a compliment?” he smirked, “Hey, come on now, we’re in this together, besides… your mom did say -”

Just as Caroline was about to turn towards JJ with a panicked look in her eyes, fearing what exactly her mom had said to him, two of their campers began screaming their names, diverting both of their attentions.

“Carrie! JJ! You’ve gotta come see this!”

JJ shot up, helping Caroline up as well, as they ran towards the dock. Bobby and Eli, the two campers who had called out for them, were hastily swimming back to shore.

“What is it?” Caroline asked, worry filling up her nerves.

“We found something dope!” said Eli, reaching the dock, “But we can’t reach it without you guys’ help,”

“What did you find?” asked JJ.

“That,” Bobby pointed in the direction they’d just swam from. There, a good distance away, in the middle of the body of water, stood an abandoned-looking stilt house.

“The old lake house,” JJ and Caroline said in unison.

“That’s just an old building, it’s been there forever and there’s literally nothing in it,” explained JJ, his nerves calming down after the initial jump scare, “Trust me, we’ve looked,”

Bobby rolled his eyes, “Oh, come on, you can’t be serious,” he moaned, “That place looks wicked!”

“Yeah, if you watch a lot of horror movies,” said Caroline, “JJ’s right, there’s nothing in there. I’ve been numerous times, it looks way cooler in your imagination, believe me. Reality is underwhelming,”

Eli crossed his arms, “If it’s so underwhelming why don’t you wanna take us there?”

JJ sighed, “Eli, taking you there would require taking the boats, which we’re not allowed to do unless it’s on our schedule, which it’s not, and if we take you there, we’d have to take everyone there, and -”

“Take everyone where?” came Jennie, another one of their campers’, voice suddenly.

“Yeah, JJ,” more campers gathered around the dock, “Where are you taking us?”

JJ and Caroline sighed in defeat as they shared a defeated look, making Bobby and Eli high five in victory.

“Change of plans, kids,” said JJ finally, giving in, “Swimming’s cancelled, looks like we’re going to be learning how to row today,”

_________________________________________________________

“You sure about this?” JJ grabbed Caroline’s hand as she was stepping off the boat and onto the back deck of the abandoned stilt house.

Caroline turned towards him and gave him a reassuring smile, “It’ll be just like the old days,” she said, her tone sounding promising.

JJ followed her onto the deck and they helped their campers tie their little boats on the deck’s cleats.

“Looks like y’all were really paying attention during our noose tying workshop,” JJ said proudly as he double-checked that all the boats were securely tied, “I’m gonna make sure to bring that up to Miss P and we might have a shot of winning at the Will-all-hail banquet,”

Caroline snorted at the name, “So tacky…”

“Come on guys, follow me and Carrie and watch your steps,” JJ signaled, catching everyone’s attention, “This place is crazy old so be careful! One wrong step and you may end up in the water,”

Carefully, the group entered the old creaky building. It was all too familiar to Caroline and JJ, the smell of mold and condensation hitting their nostrils as the single dusty dark room they had secretly lurked into numerous times as kids presented itself in front of them. Part of Caroline had always secretly wished for the old lake house to serve as a passageway to a parallel universe, or to hold some great big secret, or even to be inhabited by the not-so-friendly ghost of whoever built it back in the day, however unsurprisingly, nothing seemed out of the ordinary yet again. The room was empty, other than the numerous spider webs which decorated almost every corner and crease.

“There you go,” Caroline said, turning to leave, “Nothing to see here,”

JJ agreed, “As always, underwhelming and empty,”

“If it’s so empty,” spoke one of the campers, “then what’s that?” the teenager pointed in the direction of where there was once a door leading towards the front deck.

Everyone’s heads turned in that direction and sure enough, on one of the old nails sticking out of the door frame, was hung a piece of red fabric, barely noticeable from the inside, let alone from where the shore to camp was.

“Stand back,” said Caroline, slowly stepping forward towards the fabric. She peeped her head through the door hole cautiously, checking if there was anyone on the front deck, holding her breath as she did so. She breathed out in relief once she saw that the coast was clear and analyzed the fabric, “Hey, J, can you come over?”

JJ, half-impressed, half-paralyzed, snapped back to reality as he walked over to the girl who now looked so brave in his eyes, mentally slapping himself for not being a man and volunteering to go instead of her.

“Why does this look familiar?” Caroline said once JJ came over to piece of clothing. It turned out to be a dress.

JJ shrugged, pulling at the material and taking a sniff, “Whoever’s it is was here recently,” he said, “Smell of perfume is fresh,” he sniffed again, “And super strong,” he scrunched his nose, a look of disgust on his face.

Caroline took a sniff too, “Yeah, that smell is so familiar, but where from…” she sniffed again, closing her eyes in an attempt to figure out where she recognized the scent from.

“Probably one of the girls from your cabin,” concluded JJ, “I’d put my money on Jenna Kinley, she seems like the type to sneak around,”

Caroline smirked, “Sounds about right, she was probably up here sneaking around with Barry, I hear her talking about him all the time,” she unhooked the dress from the nail, “I’ll bring it back to her, she must think she’s lost it,”

JJ nodded and they led the campers out of the stilt house and onto shore again. Caroline tucked the dress in her bag along with her thermos and waited until after everyone’s daily activities were over to meet Sarah by the showers and tell her about her and JJ’s scandalous little discovery. Ever since they’d arrived at Camp Willowdale and had their phones taken away for the rest of the summer, the only source of news and gossip was whatever was happening around camp, and since it wasn’t all that much, every little bit of spice counted.

“So how was archery?” she asked Sarah as she folded her underwear and turned the water in her shower on.

Sarah followed in after her, not bothering on going into a neighboring shower stall. They had developed his habit of showering together about three days into camp, with Sarah seemingly having separation anxiety and insisting that “they’ve both got the same bits and pieces” and that how “any guy would be lucky to be in the position Caroline is in,”.

The blonde groaned as she squeezed some of her purple shampoo in her palm, foaming it up and working it into her hair, “Horrible,” she said, “How do you see me with a bow and arrows?”

“Do you really want me to answer that question?” teased Caroline, mirroring Sarah’s actions and washing her hair.

“Whatever, C,” Sarah rolled her eyes, “How was your swim date with your boyfriend?”

“Okay, first of all, he’s not my boyfriend,” said Caroline earning a smug look from Sarah, “And second, you’ll never guess what we found,”

“Oooh, is it the incessant lust you have for each other?” teased Sarah.

“No, it’s better,” said Caroline, ignoring her friend’s words, “We went to the old lake house and we may or may not have found what we believe to be Jenna’s dress just hanging there,” Sarah’s eyes widened at her words, “Yeah, we assume she’s sneaking around with Barry, how fucking scandalous is that?”

“Shut up!” gasped Sarah.

Caroline nodded excitedly, “Right? She’s been yapping about him nonstop and we just put two and two together,”

“Who’d have thought… little miss perfect and Barry,” scoffed Sarah, “D’you have the dress? It’ll be so embarrassing once you give it back to her, I can picture her face already,”

“You bet I do, it’s in my bag,” said Caroline, “Must’ve done the deed recently, it still reeks of her,” she scrunched her nose at the thought of the horrible smell.

Sarah raised an eyebrow, “What’re you pulling that face for? Does she smell that bad?”

Caroline shook her head, “It’s her perfume,” she explained, “Smells like what I imagine Miss P’s underwear drawer smelling like,”

Sarah scoffed, “Now you’ve got me intrigued,” she quickly rinsed her hair and body off, hurrying for her towel, “Where’d you say this dress was?”

Caroline nodded her head in the direction of her bag, “Somewhere in my bag,” she said, “But I’m being serious – you’ve been warned,”

As she continued rinsing her hair, Sarah dove her hand into Caroline’s bag, searching for the dress in question. When she finally felt it in her hand, she pulled the piece of clothing out pressing it against her nose to take a sniff. Her eyes widened in horror as realization consumed her.

“Carrie…” she mumbled not loud enough for her friend to look up, “Carrie, this isn’t Jenna’s dress,” she spoke louder.

This time, Caroline looked up at Sarah with a look of confusion in her eyes.

“The perfume you’re talking about,” said Sarah, “It’s Guerlain Shalimar, I’d recognize it anywhere,”

“Your point being…?”

“This perfume doesn’t belong to Jenna,” Sarah turned to look at Caroline, her eyes still wide in horror, “It’s Madison’s,”

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A/N: chapter 6 is upppp!! I hope you like it!! let me know what you think and if you want to be added in the tag list for future chapters, tell me!! xxx

tags: @k-k0129 ; @hayleyy-l ; @marvellover04

Part 7 here

[chvrliesapcet]

ever since olivia rodrigo released her debut album, SOUR, i have been listening to it on repeat (totally not kidding). so, after seeing a girl on tiktok do something like this, but with the avengers, i was inspired to make this post. there you go:

the poets as olivia rodrigo’s songs.

trigger warning: mention of su*c*de and mental health issues.

brutal: all of them. they’re teenagers, insecure sometimes, trying their best, but sadly not living the teenage dream (what is it, that fucking teenage dream, anyway?). “if someone tells me one more time "enjoy your youth, " i’m gonna cry” and they can’t quit what they’re doing, because their parents would most likely be hurt. “and they'd all be so disappointed 'cause who am if, if not exploited?” they once recited the lyrics of this song as a poem, during one of their meetings, and they were all laughing their asses off. life at hell-ton is brutal, what can i say?

traitor: knox, of course. “god i wish that you had thought this through, before i went and fell in love with you” or “guess you didn’t cheat, but you’re still a traitor” just hit different for him. he thinks about chris when he listens to this song, that’s for sure..! we can’t really blame chris for knox falling in love with her though,, sorry buddy.

drivers license: knox, again. poor boy listens to this song while riding his bike, crying his eyes out. “but today i drove through the suburbs, crying 'cause you weren't around” chris isn’t with that blonde girl, she is that blonde girl. knox has never felt this way for no one, and it’s hard for him to imagine that chris is, well, doing okay without him. he thinks and talks about her all the time. “and all my friends are tired of hearing how much i miss you, but i kinda feel sorry for them 'cause they'll never know you the way that i do”

1 step forward, 3 steps back: todd. like many people (including me!) when he listens to this song, he doesn’t necessarily think of a past relationship (mostly because he has never dated anyone before neil). he thinks of his mental health struggles, such as his anxiety, instead. it’s hard, sometimes. he thinks he’s getting better, but then realizes he isn’t.. “got me fucked up in the head, boy. never doubted myself so much. like am i pretty, am i fun boy? i hate that i gave you power over that kinda stuff” need i say more? this song is as soft, but as sad, as he is.

deja vu: keating. this is.. kind of a joke, but only because i didn’t know who to pair this song with. john was an original member of the dead poets society, and knowing that now, other teenage boys are taking turns reading poetry, in the old indian cave, reminds him of his teenage years. “so when you gonna tell her that we did that, too? she thinks it's special, but it's all reused. that was our place, i found it first” olivia’s music isn’t the type of music he normally listens to, but after hearing students (the poets) talk about her album, during his class, he decided he’d give it a try. he likes it. he loves the lyrics, mostly.

good 4 u: CHARLIE. he loves screaming the lyrics to this song. especially the bridge and the last chorus. “LIKE A DAMN SOCIOPATH!” cameron has to beg him to turn the volume down,, he doesn’t listen to him, obviously, and instead turns the volume up. his argument? ‘this song is meant to be played loud!’ to which cameron responds ‘but not that loud! i’m trying to study!’ he thinks looking at his roommate directly in the eye when singing “baby, what the fuck is up with that?” exactly the way olivia does is funny. cameron just rolls his eyes every time, but it’s hard for him to hide the smile taking place on his lips.

enough for you: pitts. although he and stev/phen are both super, super smart, i think meeks is the ‘genius’ of the group. and that, can, sometimes, make pitts feel like he might not be good enough for his boyfriend, whom he loves very much. “and i knew how you took your coffee, and your favorite songs by heart. i read all of your self-help books so you'd think that i was smart” whenever he doubts himself, meeks is the first to reassure him and tell him he’s more than enough, but still.. “'cause all i ever wanted was to be enough for you” he listens to this song with his earphones, always, so no one knows he listens to it on repeat.

happier: meeks. ever since charlie got expelled, he can’t stop listening to this song. these two were pretty close, (“he flatters me, that’s why i help him with latin”) and stev/phen doesn’t like thinking about his friend being in a new school, and spending time with other people. “so find someone great but don't find no one better. i hope you're happy, but don't be happier” he wishes charlie would still be with them, at welton, even if he hated it. “your friends aren't mine, you know, i know. you’ve moved on, found someone new” or “does she mean you forgot about me?” he’s being a bit overdramatic, considering charlie comes to see the poets at least once a week, and still attends the dps meetings.. but anyway.

jealousy, jealousy: cameron, because, yes, he’s smart and everything, but he’s still jealous of other people, and wishes he were different. he thinks he should be like the other guys. “all i see, is what i should be, happier, prettier, jealousy, jealousy” he also thinks that, maybe then, people would like him more </3. he knows no one really hates him, but feels like no one really likes him, either. and in his opinion, it’s because he’s.. him. “I'm so sick of myself, i’d rather be, rather be, anyone, anyone else” just like mr. k, this type of music isn’t what he usually listens to, but he relates to this song so much, he can’t help but listen to it at least once a day.

favorite crime: neil. just like todd, he doesn’t associate this song with a relationship he had in the past. actually, he thinks of his father (and his mom, a bit, too) and all of the things his dad forces him to do, even if it upsets him. “those things i did, just so i could call you mine. the things you did, well, i hope i was your favorite crime” i know we don’t usually talk about the canon ending, but i have to. mr. perry didn’t want his son to pursue his dreams, and planned neil’s life for him, which made him feel so miserable, he sadly committed su*c*de.. but then, his dad wasn’t blamed for it, to preserve his reputation. “and i watched as you fled the scene, doe-eyed as you buried me, one heart broke, four hands bloody” todd knows this was neil’s favorite song. he listens to it once in a while, in their room, alone, and cries.

hope ur ok: all of them. do they know how proud i am they were created? after all they’ve been through, especially their family problems, i’m glad they found each other. “she was tired 'cause she was brought into a world where family was merely blood” and even when life throws bad things at them, they always stay strong, and support each other through everything. they’re very brave. “well, i hope you know how proud i am you were created, with the courage to unlearn all of their hatred” i love them, my beautiful poets <33

[daydreamingintheimpalax]

Four No’s and a Yes.

Prompt: Write about someone who gets proposed to five times on Christmas Eve.

Warnings: None, cuteness, fluff i guess lol

Dean x Reader (Childhood friends)

Chritsmas Eve 2016.

The Y/L/N’s house was decorated to the T, Mrs. Y/L/N always went all out for Christmas and to say Dean loved it was an understatement. Dean had grown up next door to y/n and her family all his life, every Christmas was spent with his best friend and her family, their families took turns every year on which family would host the big Christmas dinner. It was Christmas eve, this year, Y/n’s family was hosting Christmas Eve and Day. 

He watched as you sat down across from him, the same way you did every year, this time your boyfriend of almost a year sitting next to you. Dean frowned but for the most part accepted him and tried to make Carl as welcome as possible. 

It’s not that he disliked the guys she dated, he just never thought they were good enough for his best friend, it had nothing to do with the fact he’d been inlove wih you almost all his life, despite what Sam and his parents had to say about it. 

The meal conversations began, Dean smiled as he watched Sam’s wife wipe a smudge of food off his brothers face before then placing a small peck on his cheek. He was imsensely happy for his little brother, he had tried to find love himself but despite all the girls that came and went, none were ever good enough to bring home to Mary and John, none ever compared to, well, you. 

“So Dee, any news about that girl you took out last week? She seemed nice.” You ask, shoving a fork of ham into your mouth, he chuckles watching before he replies, “uh no, didn’t pan out, first date and she was already naming our kids.” He shakes his head, cringing. Y/N makes a funny grossed out face, “Yikes, stage 5 clinger”, Dean smirks, “Exactly, not my style, sweetheart.”

“Sweetheart?” Carl pipes up, raising an eyebrow at Dean. Right, Carl hated when Dean called you by a pet name, sucks for him doesn’t it. Dean shrugs, y/n reassures him its just for fun, that they’ve been friends forever and Dean’s the only other man allowed to call her that. Carl doesn’t seem happy but strugs it off. 

It’s almost 9 Pm when Carl speaks, he stands up from the tables, everyone having had a few rounds of wine by now and 50 conversations going on at once. He clears his troat, tapping his champagne glass with his fork, everyone stops, their attention on him. 

“Well, this has been an amazing night, y/n your family is incredible, i’m so happy to have shared this holiday with you all, but tonight, i want to share another moment with you guys, i know how important family is to y/n and i want to make sure i do this right.” He pauses, grabbing y/n’s hand and pulling her up, Dean can see the look on her face, shes shocked and confused, not sure what the hell Carl thinks he’s doing. 

He pulls something out of his pocket, Dean lets out a soft groan before taking a huge chug of his beer, Sam pats his back, a silent signal asking if he’s okay. He shrugs it off. 

“Y/n, i know we haven’t been together as long as other people, but my love for you has no limits, we are a perfect match and you’re a perfect part of me, you make me better, i love you so much, and i don’t want to waste anymore time,” 

He gets down on one knee, Dean watches, slightly angrily as y/n gasps, she slightly looks at Dean and he can see the panicked look on her face, she’s not ready for this, he’s ambushed her. 

“Y/n Y/l/n, would you do me the honor of being my wife, my partner in crime, my forever.” Dean rolls his eyes, his mother swatting his arm and giving him a disapproving look. Y/n stays silent, looking around as everyone watches her, Then, she bolts. 

Dean chases after her to see if she’s okay. 

Carl was never seen again after that night.

Christmas Eve 2017

Christmas was different this year, Their parents had decided they wanted a break from cooking, so they had booked a cruise for vacation, not telling any of their kids until last minute. 

Sam and Jess had decided to have Christmas with her family now that they were expecting their first child. Sam was over the moon at the chance to be a dad, he was going to be an amazing one. 

Dean checks the tickets, finding the seats and throwing the jackets over them, y/n heads towards him, sitting next to him in her own seat and she hands him his beer and the hotdogs she grabbed. Dean was lucky he booked last minute tickets to the wrestling match, not surprised that even on Christmas eve, the stadium was booked solid. 

They enjoy the fights, they’re small local fights, no big names, but they both enjoy it, laughing and enjoying their time together as best friends, it’s been a while. Since she started dating Max four months ago, he barely sees her, he’s insecure, especially when Dean’s around, probably because Dean’s twice his size in height and muscle, but that’s not his problem. Max starts fights with y/n anytime they hang out, so for her sake, he keeps his distance, waiting for her to call him for a hangout instead. 

An hour in and it’s break time, they sit and chat, and before they know it, a voice is speaking over the PA system. “Sorry to interupt everyone, but since we are on a break, it seems like the perfect time to do this. Y/n Y/l/N, if you wouldn’t mind looking up at the jumbotron, we have a message for you from Max.” 

Y/n’s eyes go wide, she looks at Dean curiously and he shrugs, just as confused. She looks at the screen, Max’s smiling face on the screen as he’s handed the microphone. 

“Y/n, i know this is random and out of the blue, but you make me really happy, i know you’re not big on attention and big romantic gestures, but i wanted to do something memorable, so, i was hoping you’d be down for being my wife, will you Marry me?” he speaks, Dean almost can’t believe it, what was with these losers, she deserved to be proposed to, but not so soon and definitely not on the spot, she hated grand gestures that drew attention to her. Y/n barely knew what she wanted to do with her life, let alone to settle down. 

Y/N starts breathing heavy, tears forming as she starts to panic at the whole stadium now staring at her and waiting for her answer, and just like that, yet again, she tries to run but Dean stops her, suggesting they go outside and talk to Max privately before she has a complete anxiety attack.

Another douchebag he never sees again. 

Christmas Eve 2018

Another year, another Christmas Eve, y/n is sitting on Deans couch, the two of them got stuck at the airport due to a snow storm and aren’t making it home for Christmas. They had driven back to Dean’s place and she decided to crash with him, She’d just broken up with her recent douchebag boyfriend and wasn’t in happy spirits. She lies on his couch, sniffling as she watches her favoirte Christmas movie, which is currently everything on the hallmark channel. 

Dean sits next to her, her feet in his lap as he messages her feet, warming them up from the cold. 

“Am i ever going to find the right guy? i mean, at this point it’s become a pattern, every fucking Christmas i end up single and alone, i should just give up finding the perfect guy.” She shrugs, wiping away a stray tear.

Dean sighs, “First off, you’re not alone, you have me. Second, you pick crappy guys, you have shitty ass taste. Give it time, sweetheart, the perfect guy for you is out there, and you’ll find him, you’re just looking in the wrong places.” Dean assures her and she gives him a dry chuckle.

“Oh yea, well if you ever come across prince charming, send him my way.” She rolls her eyes and he laughs. He hates seeing her upset. 

Theyre at the local skating rink when it happens, he finally got her to stop crying enough to take her out and here comes Jack, Jake, Joke, whatever the fuck his name was holding a bouquet of roses and a ring box, smiling widely at her, this jackass really thinks a ring will fix everything he’s done to her. What a damn clown. 

Y/n stops abrutly, eyeing him up and down, she’s definitely angry still. 

“That better not be what the fuck i think it is.” She snaps, tossing the roses in the trash. “Y/n, i know i fucked up, but you’re worth more than-” He’s cut off by the sound of her hand meeting his cheek. 

“NO!” She shouts, a few people now stopping to watch. “You have some NERVE showing up here, after cheating on me and for what? to propose? ARE YOU FUCKING DRUNK? In what fucking small minded universe that you live in do you think proposing to me is going to fix what you broke? No, i will not marry you. Go to hell, Jeff.” She stomps off, as good as she can in skates. 

Jeff, that’s his fucking name. He looks over at me and i shrug. “You fucked that up on your own man, you don’t deserve her.” Dean walks away.

She never mentions Jeff again.

Christmas Eve 2019

Their families get together again, Dean’s family hosts this year, y/n and he had flown home early this year to help with the food and decorations, y/n had run into one of her exes, a guy she dated back in highschool, He’d ran in Sam’s circle of friends, one of his old football buddies. They had gone on a date to catch up, ending up at the local bar with some old highschool friends.

Sam sits next to him, downing his own beer. “Man, why don’t you just tell her you’re her prince charming, watching her get with and dump all these idiots is getting tiring. Even mom and dad know you two belong together.” Sam chuckles, letting out a burp, he’s clearly borderlining between drunk and tipsy. Dean sighs, he’s going to have to call Jessica soon. 

“If i was her soulmate, she’d have noticed by now. I’m not going to make that choice for her. If it’s meant to be, she’ll realize it on her own, not because i forced her to like me.” He shrugs and Sam laughs, “You’re both so stupid.” Sam huffs and shakes his head. 

Before Sam can continue pestering him about his failure to woo Y/n, they hear a commotion, they turn to see Eric covered in beer, calling y/n a bitch and some other not nice words. 

Dean gets protective, not even a split second before he’s standing next to her, shoving Eric away from her. “Easy man, get away from her.” He yells and Eric huffs, throwing his arms in the air, “Whatever, you’re a waste of time, can’t believe i ever dated you, i forgot what it was like being with you.” He snarls before stepping outside, no doubt to light up another blunt. 

Dean frowns, “What happened?” he asks and you laugh. “He proposed, said he missed me and regretted ever breaking things off, said he finally realized i was the one that got away.” She airquotes before she sips her beer, huffing, “Turns out, that’s his game, he was hoping if i said yes i’d be over the moon and jump into bed with him again. Ugh, i hate men.” she grunts before walking out, Dean slaps a few bills on her table before going after her, a semi drunk Sam at his side. 

Chritmas Eve 2020

Christmas Eve dinner is a hit. Changing things up, Dean and Y/n had decided to host this year, flying their families out to vancouver. It’s cold and snowy, but makes Christmas actually feel like Christmas, unlike the warm sunny holiday in california, they love it there, but this year, with the snow, it actually feels like a real Christmas. 

They sit out on the back deck, taking a break from the family game night and friendly comeptition and yelling going on inside. Their families are nuts, but it always makes for a great time. 

Dean’s sure he’s ready, she hasn’t dated anyone since the last proposal, and he’s insane, he’s sure of it, he’s sure just like the others, he’ll be turned down, and he’s willing to make an utter fool of himself, but it’s time, he’s waited long enough, he needs her to know, he needs to tell her, he’ll never be able to truly move on and get over her if he doesn’t at least get an answer on wether she feels the same. 

“How long do you think that bingo game is going to last?” She asks, chuckling and she watches their families fight over who had bingo first. 

“Marry me.” He blurts it out without even realizing it. That’s not how he wanted that whole thing to go, he had planned it out, but plans go out the window when you spend time obsessing on things being perfect.

“What?” She’s stunned, but she hasn’t run away yet, and she’s not hyperventilating, that’s a good sign. He begins to babble like a damn idiot.

“I don’t have a ring, or a proper set up like a jumbotron or some shit, and this isn’t even how i planned on this day going, i’m not perfect, and i have my flaws, hell i’m so fucked up i’d be insane to think i even deserve even half your love, but i’m crazy about you, and i have been since 5th grade, when you gave me my first valentines card because no one in class gave me one and then kissed my cheek and told me you’d always be my valentine. I guess, what i’m trying to say is i may not be your prince charming, but you’ve always been my girl, i’ve never chosen anyone but you, and i realize, i don’t ever want anyone, except you.” He finally takes a breath, too scared to make eye contact, and he sighs.

“I know this is stupid and random and you can totally say no or run away if th-” 

“Yes.” She stuns him, completely silencing his rant.

He finally meets her eyes, “What?” He asks, sure as shit he heard her wrong. 

“Yes, Winchester, i’ll marry you.” She says, this time clear as day. 

He huffs out a laugh, “ Wait, seriously?” he asks, stunned and still thinking she has to be fucking with him.

She shrugs and smiles, “Yeah, I’ve known you all my life, you were always my prince charming, my perfect match, i was just waiting for you to figure it out.” She laughs. Dean’s eyes roam her face, for the first time, seeing how perfect she really is for him. 

“I literally could have been with you this entire time?” he raises and eyebrow and she shrugs, smiling. He shakes his head, not believing his own stupidity before he takes full advatnge, leaning in and finally claiming what’s been his this entire time. 

Safe to say, that was the last proposal she ever recieved. 

[afriendlyblackhottie]

Ransom Drysdale Must Die (Chapter 2)

Summary: Ransom Drysdale is a serial cheater. The only way to get him to pay for what he’s done is for him to die. Or at least be extremely humiliated. As long as you don’t fall for him.

Pairings: Eventual Ransom Drysdale x black!reader, Ransom Drysdale x Multiple OC’s

Warnings: Swearing. Eventual smut.

(Author’s Note: I was watching John Tucker must die and it made me think of my favorite sweater wearing murder daddy.)

Words: 3.4K

It was true that you didn’t really have much of a life in Boston. Having to move around a lot really affected your people skills. Not that you weren’t a nice person or at least you tried to be, but it became a little difficult to know how to talk to people when you grew up thinking that none of it would matter in a few months. 

Your mom had called you asking for you to visit which you hadn’t done since college. You weren’t even sure what state she was in now. Hell for all you know she’d given up completely and moved to a different country. Besides you didn’t really have the space to host someone. Not that your apartment was too tiny for company, but your mom didn’t pack lightly despite being a nomad. 

She’d talked to you as you drove to work. Telling you about another guy that she’d met that she was sure was the love of her life in whatever new place she was in. As much as you wished you could tell her to stop, all you could do was listen and mhm on occasion. 

The Ransom Drysdales of her life were going to keep doing what they do to her and whatever woman they could get their hands on. You just wished she’d make better choices so she didn’t get hurt.

You felt a little bit of relief as soon as you’d arrived at work. Talking to her always made your stomach turn now which you hated, but there didn’t seem like there was much you could do. You kind of understood. She didn’t want to spend the rest of her life alone. Except since she’d jumped around so much she’d kind of made you want to.

You went through the employees entrance stopping at the breakroom to put your stuff away. “Hey,” Andy the assistant golf director greeted you. You didn’t really see him much, but he was always friendly when your paths would cross. He was a really handsome guy, super nice. 

You shoot him a small smile as you close your locker. “Hi,” you said. 

“So, did you hear? Harrington’s on a good one,” he said. “Something about the yoga studio that most of these women go to had to shut down.”

You raised an eyebrow. “What? Damn.”

“I know. Today has been something else.” He chuckled, shaking his head. “Gonna have a lot of pissed off fitness gurus all over the place.”

“Just what I needed in my life.” You sighed. “Well, I better get in there before Harrington rips my head off.”

“Good luck,” he said. 

“You, too.” 

Just like Andy had warned you Harrington was on a good one. You walked into the clubhouse dining to see him chewing one of the other waitresses out, causing her to burst out into tears. You gritted your teeth because it was hard to watch. 

“Jesus Christ, what happened?” You whispered to Britt.

She shook her head. “Well, there was an emergency shut down at the Porter’s Studio which means they’re all coming here which would be fine, but Vida has to combine two classes into one each session.”

You raised an eyebrow. “What? What happened?”

“Apparently Ransom’s amazing good looks,” she started, exaggerating her tone, “made her swoon so hard that Lucy had a misstep on the stairs and she proceeded to totally eat shit.”

You gasped, covering your mouth. “No!”

“Oh, yes. I barely missed all the action.” She pouted in disappointment.

“Is she okay?”

“She’ll be fine, but Harrington had to send her home for the day.”

“Miss L/N, Miss Lin will you mind being useful and getting to your jobs,” he was now turning his fury to them. 

“Yes, Mr. Harrington,” the both of you said in unison, as you suppressed the urge to tell him to fuck off. 

“Actually, Miss L/N, I’ve already assigned you to help out Vida in the yoga studio,” he told you. Of course you’d end up dealing with it. Maybe it was a good thing he trusted you enough to move you between sections.

“Will do, Mr. Harrington,” you said.  

How Vida was still able to keep that zen exterior despite having to take on Lucy’s class and the women that normally went to the Porter’s studio. You weren’t sure if you believe the story about what happened to Lucy, but it was kind of funny to think about. At least she was okay.

You moved everything around on the refreshments table to make it look presentable. This was what he needed you to take care of. At least you’d get to sit all day. 

Vida laid on her mat needing a break before the next class arrived. Dealing with that many of these women at one time was draining. Even if on the outside she hadn’t broken a sweat.

“Ugh, I’m so jealous!” The squeaky voice of a woman said as she walked into the room. “He’s so hot!”

“Shhh, not so loud,” Chloe shushed her as they stopped at the table. “We’re supposed to be keeping it on the low. He doesn’t want his grandfather to find out while he’s redoing his will.” She grabbed a water bottle and a complimentary towel.

“Yeah, but c’mon, Ransom of all people,” she whispered this. “He’s so dreamy.”

Chloe bit her lip. “I know right. And, it’s so different because Jeffrey could never do the stuff we do. It’s insane.” She sighed wistfully.

Your eyes widened as you listened in on their conversation. Was it bad that you were making mental notes to tell Britt after. It’s kind of sad. Closest you’ve gotten to making a friend and you’d managed to bond over the scandalous shit rich people do. 

“You lucky ass bitch I swear.” Her friend laughed as they walked over towards the back of the class.

You weren’t going to lie. You were kind of curious as to what else they were saying as you tried to listen in. You were honestly so fascinated by this whole ordeal. 

Your attention on Chloe and her friend was cut short when Marissa walked in. You didn’t know this many of these girls took their yoga classes here. You scrunched up your face as she went to the last spot in the front of the class to unroll her mat. 

“I already told you, Baby. We can do it later tonight.” She twirled a piece of her hair around her finger as she stopped at your table, her Airpods in each ear. Chloe had come up beside her to grab another water bottle glaring at the other woman as did so. “I can wear one of those sets you like if you promise to do that thing I like.”

Your heart felt like it was going to beat out of your chest seeing them this close together. God you had so much to gossip about. 

Just as the two of them had went to sit down, Amber walked in with her two friends on each side. Holy shit. There really was no way for you to expect this. You know maybe it was a good thing you were always the first one Harrington moved in between sections.

Finally the class had started. You were only half paying attention as Vida had doing warm-ups. “Alright, ladies, give me a nice deep breath and then....” she breathed out dramatically, “exhale.”

This went on for a minute and to be honest listening to her soft commands were making you sleepy. Everyone was following her directions as she broke her own pose to walk around to help help someone who wasn’t stretching deep enough. 

As she had them grab the small yoga balls next. You loved yoga. Yoga was relaxing. You’d rather watch paint dry than watch other people do yoga and yet here you were. 

“Ow! What the fuck, Amber!” Chloe shrieked knocking the room out of the peaceful atmosphere. 

Your head snapped up to see what the hell had happened.  Amber shrugged a smile plastered across her face. “Sorry! It slipped!” She replied in a sickly sweet tone.

Chloe rubbed her cheek as her friend came over to look at it. “Are you okay?” The other woman asked.

Right as Chloe was nodding, another ball flew hitting in her face. This time a lot more deliberate making her losing her footing. When she stood up there was this fire in her eyes. “What the hell is your problem!” She yelled at her.

“You’re my problem. Trying to push up on my boyfriend, Bitch!” Not to be outdone, Amber got into the other woman’s face.

“I have no idea what the hell you’re talking about!”

Amber rolled her eyes. “Oh whatever, everyone knows you’re a fucking gold digging whore.”

Chloe’s jaw dropped before slapping the other woman’s face. Your hand went to your mouth. Wow you really really did have a lot to tell Britt.

Amber not to be outdone, retaliated by doing the same. Everyone watched from the sidelines with shocked expressions as things progressed. Marissa was the only one to come over trying to break it up.

Oh god.

“C’mon, guys! Really?” She stood between them. “Fighting over a man. It’s not worth it.”

“There’s nothing to fight about! Ransom is mine!” Amber pointed at herself.

You were pretty sure your heart was going to beat out of your chest now.

It was Marissa’s turn to react now except she kind of looked like she was malfunctioning as she blinked way too many times in one second. “What?” For a minute she kept her cool, clenching her jaw.

Then she grabbed a ball throwing it at Amber’s stomach. “What the fuck!” 

“I’m dating Ransom!”

Boom.

There it was.

Finally.

You stood up trying to get out of dodge as hell was unleashed. Chloe threw a water bottle hitting you in the back, making you fall as Vida also unsuccessfully tried to run.

The wind had been knocked out of you, but you could hear the three smacks that they’d given each other before getting up. They were fucking animals. How good is this guy’s dick for them to be acting like this.

Instead Vida tried to break it up like Marissa had done, but it didn’t really work as Marissa pushed the refreshments table into the four of you before tripping over one of the towels that had fallen and landed on your stomach. 

The three of them tried fighting on top of the two of you when you grabbed the whistle around Vida’s neck to blow into it. The harsh shriek penetrated the air, making them cover their ears. “He’s cheating on you and instead of taking it out on him, you’re beating the shit out of each other!” You yelled.

“Miss L/N!” Harrington walked in red in the face.

Oh shit.

--

You were going to have a giant water bottle shaped bruise tomorrow. Maybe you could write a thank you note to Chloe for that one. Or for all of the various bruises that were given to you by Marissa. At least, Amber hadn’t done any damage to anyone, but them.

You’d been told to clean up this mess as Vida was able to go nurse her wounds. Could you sue? Was that possible? Sue this club and the three of them. Cuz fuck this hurt.

Harrington had chewed you out pretty hard. Of course he’d come in at the right time which must have made him think you had something to do with it even if you’d just been caught in the crossfire. Maybe your mom had a point. It wasn’t all that bad to pack up and move from place to place. Except instead of doing it over men, you could have like a jobs theme or something.

You’d just lifted up the table that had flipped over during the scuffle when Andy came in with a whistle. “Damn. I heard it was bad, but nothing could have prepared me for this.” He looked around with his eyebrows raised. 

“Yeah, it was pretty great.” You sighed puffing out your cheeks.

“What the hell even happened?” He asked, cringing as he saw the cracked mirror that looked a moments away from shattering. 

“Chloe, Amber, and Marissa happened,” you replied, getting down to start gathering the bottles.

“Harrington must have been pissed.”

You laughed. “He was. His face was so red.”

“Did that little vein in his forehead pop out?” He asked with a smirk, raising his eyebrow.

You nodded. “Oh yeah. Looked like his head was going to explode.”

Andy laughed. “Damn. I would have paid to see that.”

“Yeah,” you shrugged, “well I would have paid to not get hit with a full water bottle.”

“No! They did that?”

You nodded. “Yup. I’m going to have one hell of a bruise tomorrow.”

He shook his head, but before he could say anything the three women were escorted into the room with a security guard. There arms crossed and somehow perfect. How the hell did they manage to fix themselves first.

“I better get back.” He half-smiled. “Try not to get caught up in any trouble.”

“I’ll try.”

Security had left for some fucking reason which caused the three to do the expected as they took a seat on their mats which had remained on the floor. You were pretty sure you were about to witness round two, planning an escape plan out of the room this time.

“So,” Amber broke the silence, “I talked to Ransom.” She smirked. “He said he felt bad for you because you’re clearly jealous that we have something special.” She put her hand over her heart. “Something that doesn’t need a label because it’s-”

“Our own unspoken bond,” Chloe cut her off with her eyes narrowed as she rattled off that part of Amber’s speech.

“And,” Marissa took over, “I just love how secure you are and it hurts to hear you question it.”

“Because you’re the only girl for me!” The three of them finished in unison.

The three different expressions on their face was interesting. Amber looked like she was ready to fight someone all over again, while Marissa looked like she was one wrong move from crying, and Chloe looked like she was ready to murder.

Amber clicked her tongue against the roof of her mouth. “He really said the same shit to all of us.” She looked like she was in disbelief. Like she’d been punched in the gut. Or possibly hit in the back with a water bottle. Or maybe smacked in the stomach with a yoga ball.

Chloe huffed. “Okay, so what? He gives me the same lines he gives you guys and then hooks up with m-” she started in on a rant until Marissa cut her off.

She shook her head waving her hands to stop her from talking. “Wait, what? You hooked up with him in between that time?” Marissa asked with an eyebrow raised.

“It was in his car!”

Amber guffawed. “Like a fucking high schooler during homecoming?”

“As if that makes it better?” Marissa laughed sarcastically.

Chloe glared at the other women with her lips puckered. “We share an unspoken bond,” she retorted. “Besides weren’t you all oh yeah baby I’ll wear that set you like, like two hours ago?”

“Oh, I’m sorry that I have sex in a bed like a normal adult,” she argued back.

Amber coughed. “Boring.”

You didn’t mean for that snort to come out, but it did. Then their attention snapped to you. Three very intense eyes were on you. “Excuse you?” Amber challenged you, her head tilted to the side.

You cleared your throat as you picked up the balls. “Sorry.” 

“If you have something to say, say it,” she pressed. God she looked angry. Not that you could really blame her. If you were in her position you’d probably be ready to go off at any little thing. Of course you didn’t want her going off on you again.

You opened your mouth to say something before closing your mouth again and second guessing it. “You know what. No it’s none of my business,” you replied. You didn’t need to get mixed up in their drama again.

“Just say it,” this time it was Marissa who was trying to get it out of you. Chloe wasn’t saying anything, but you could tell she was daring for you to say something.

You licked your lips before groaning. “Okay, ummm,” you took a deep breath, “does he always call you pet names? You know. Baby, sweetheart, honey.” You rattled off. “Yeah it’s not out of affection.It’s so he doesn’t mix up your names. And, he’s all about that unspoken bond or something special, but never ever about a relationship.  And, then he'll make this whole arrangement feel like it's your idea so feel guilty that he cheated because this is something he really wanted.”

Amber scoffed throwing her head back. “Oh my god! You’re dating Ransom, too.”

“No. He doesn’t mess around with the help,” Chloe said.

You raised your eyebrows. “Okay that was rude, but no. I’m not. I’ve just dealt with someone like him.”

Marissa pursed her lips, looking down at the ground now. “He does always make me feel guilty,” she reflected.

“I guess I feel like if a guy was making me feel like that, I’d-”

Amber cut you off, rolling her eyes. “Yeah you’d break up with him blah, blah, blah.”

Chloe scoffed. “As if he wouldn’t get a new girlfriend in like five seconds.”

“Which is why I wasn’t going to say that. If it were me dealing with a man like him, I’d get even.” You shrugged, finally picking up the last bottle of Evian which had rolled over to the other side of the room.

“Wait, who are you?” Chloe asked.

Before you could answer, Harrington had stomped back in right as the mirror shattered. The three women stood up screaming from the noise as you covered your mouth. Yeah wonderful timing.

“Y/N!” He yelled. “Get your shit and get out. You’re fired.”

You weren’t really shocked. At least your last day was memorable. Normally you would have went in there to clean things up. Except it didn’t feel worth it. You’d been caught up in enough fights for the day and al you wanted was to pop open a bottle of wine and drink until you puked.

The three of them only watched as you walked out. As if this wasn’t their fault. You could always get another job, but it still felt shitty. Unlike Amber and Marissa you didn’t have rich parents to fall back on. While Chloe also had her deceased husband’s fortune to get her through. Why were they even doing all of this over a man like Ransom. They could have anyone they wanted.

You hated job hunting. It was so stressful and annoying. You were surprised you’d even landed this gig. Maybe it wasn’t so bad, though. At least you wouldn’t have to deal with Harrington.

“I can’t believe he’s letting you go.” Britt shook her head.

“I know.” You sighed. “It wasn’t even my fault.”

She shrugged. “It’s not like you told Ransom to be a serial cheater.”

“Is it bad that I almost feel bad for them?” You didn’t want to. All of them could have left him today and find new boyfriends in an hour and yet no one deserved what Ransom was doing.

“Don’t forget to text me, okay? If you need anything I’m so there.”

You smiled softly. “Thank you.”

One of the security guards walked in ready to escort you out. The two of you rolled your eyes. “Alright, we’ll talk later. I need you to tell me everything.”

“I will.”

As you were walking out Ransom was talking to some girl at the front desk. You glared at him, not that he noticed. Not like he was paying attention anyway because apparently Ransom didn’t care about the help. 

Fuck that guy.

When you’d finally gotten to your apartment, you showered and changed just wanting to wash the day away. The soreness had started to settle into your muscles. 

You tried watching TV with your glass of wine in hand, but all that did was make you think about the impending doom of not having a job. So you found yourself doing what you normally did when things were shitty. 

You’d gotten lost in the soft blues so easily as your brush sweeped against the canvas. You weren’t really sure what you were going for, but at least you felt a little better.

As you took a step back to see what was missing there as a knock on the door. You groaned going to look through the peephole and your jaw dropped seeing Amber on the other side. 

[purplesurveys]

1248

Your ex taps you on the shoulder and says, “I still love you.” You say?  I feel like I’ve answered a similar situation recently, but I would assume it was a drunk text or wrong text, inform them about it, and move on.

Do you play video games?  Nah. I do feel a sort of connection of video games since I grew up surrounded by them, though; but I’m more of a watcher than anything. I like watching playthroughs of video games I’ll never play. Do you spend a lot of time with family?  No. We used to, back when the quarantine was still a relatively new thing – we hung out in the living room all the time. But now that we’ve settled in this new normal, we’re back to our normal routines and I usually like staying in my room.

Is your house more than two stories tall?  Technically, yes. We have a rooftop that serves as the ‘third’ floor.

Have you ever hit your significant other? Has he/she ever hit you?  My ex and I never hit one another; that’s a gigantic red flag even I would notice, considering I ignored most of the ones I saw hahaha.

What makes you an attractive person? (Talk about your personality too!)  I’m not sure if I’ll be able to answer this question directly, but I like my generosity. I’m not sure if I can call it attractive, though. But if we were focusing on physical features, I like my smile.

What color is your hairbrush/comb?  Pink.

What snacks do you have available in your household atm?  My dad splurged on chips in his last grocery run so we actually have quite a lot of junk food in the pantry at the moment. He also bought several packs of cookie sandwiches, wafers, sunflower seeds, and garlic-flavored peanuts.

Has anyone recently told you that they like you, or find you attractive?  Neither.

Are you attracted to the last person you Facebook messaged?  No, she’s just a good friend of mine.

Do you care about anyone that doesn’t care about you?  I guess I don’t, because I’m not even aware of them.

Was your last Facebook friend requests from a male or female?  Guy. It was another reporter, so I just ignored it and luckily he didn’t PM me just to ask to add him back, which others have already done. I really hate when work people try to make their way into my personal accounts.

Which one of your relatives is most likely to embarrass you?  My parents, especially when they are rude to service crew. Gen X-ers are impeccably talented at that, apparently.

When was the last time you ate a bar of chocolate?  Around two or three weeks ago when I had dinner at Angela’s. Her dad gave me a bar of Crunch so I can have something sweet after our meal.

Do you play any games on Facebook?  No, I never did hop on that trend.

What would you like to get a degree in?  I wanted a degree in journalism, and graduated with such. At the end of my college stint I didn’t want to pursue it anymore, but I pushed through with it anyway because it was too much of a hassle to shift and start all over.

Do you wake up a lot in the middle of the night? Technically not, because I stay up until the middle of the night anyway. It’s been a while since I fell asleep anywhere between 8 to 10 PM.

Would you prefer to read a book, watch a movie or TV show, or play a video game?  Watch a show.

Do you usually get popcorn or soda at the movie theater?  I don’t like either; I get fries instead.

What genre of films do you like the best?  Drama.

How many bank accounts do you have?  Two but I haven’t been using the other one in months. That was the bank account I initially opened when I first started ~adulting~ but when I got employed I was required to enroll in this other specific bank, so that’s what I mainly use now.

Have you ever had the flu?  Not really. I just get the occasional fever that pop out of nowhere.

What is your goal for the next few months?  Start saving FOR REAL, and also prioritizing furniture over merch for a while so I can finally fix up my room, which is quickly starting to look and feel like just a warehouse and not very homey at all.

Have you ever had some kind of sleep-disorder? How did it affect your life?  Nope.

Have you ever had food poisoning before? Describe the experience.  Yeah, it was from barbecue that apparently went bad, even though it tasted nothing of the sort. I woke up at 3 AM sweating profusely and with the most excruciating stomachache; I was feeling hot, cold, and nauseous all at the same time, and it probably lasted for like an hour or so.

What are two things that you have no problem paying full price for?  Sealed albums and my pets’ vet expenses.

Funny, charming, cute, romantic, smart - choose only 2 for the opposite sex.  Charming and smart.

Have you ever let somebody use you? Why did you do it?  It felt nice to help people.

You can go back in time & change something in your mom’s past - what is it? Good question; I’ve never encountered this before. I would let her live a more comfortable, privileged life, where she didn’t have to staple her shoes to keep them closed or have to choose between eating at a fast food restaurant or being able to commute back home.

Do you know anybody who is around the exact same size as you? Who? I’m not sure, actually. Everyone’s always slightly taller than me.

Ever been to a haunted house? How scared were you?  I haven’t.

Been on any websites today you wouldn’t want your parents to see?  Tumblr, I guess? My survey blog isn’t for any irls to see.

Which is worse: dusting or mopping?  I don’t really do either often, but I’ll go with mopping.

Would you marry somebody who was intensely religious?  Not for me.

Did you pull a senior prank?  No, that’s not a thing here. Did you graduate?  Yeah, elementary, high school, and college.

Have you ever been unfaithful in a serious relationship?  Nope.

What was the last song you listened to?  It’s a song called Epiphany.

Are you one of those lucky people with 20/20 vision?  Not ever since I was like 9 lol.

Is fashion one of your interests?  I’m way more interested in it now for sure, mostly because the celebrities I’m into these days put a lot of effort when it comes to their style; so it makes me more aware of the trends that come and go, as well.

Do you think you’ll eventually find that special someone?  I’m keeping it as a possibility, but it’s not a priority for me now.

Do you care what people think?  To an extent, I would say. My life doesn’t depend on it, though.

Is acting something you enjoy?  Never been.

What was the last thing you broke/sprained?  Do you mean a thing or a body part? Anyway, I’ll answer both. The last thing I broke was my BTS Mic Drop pen of V looooooooooool the figurine came off the pen :(( It was pretty cheap though so I’m fine with it; I can always get another one. Last body part I sprained was my ankle, when I had a bad fall a couple of years ago.

Have you ever fought with a friend because of their boyfriend/girlfriend? Because of yours?  Either hasn’t happened.

Has a stranger ever yelled at you for your language?  I don’t think so.

Whose house, other than yours and your families', are you most comfortable at?  Angela’s. Also JM’s, just because their family doesn’t hover and that vibe can sometimes be nice whenever I’m at someone else’s place.

Has any of your friends’ family ever yelled at you?  Never.

Did you ever play a sport as a little kid? Did you enjoy it? Not as a very young kid, but I took up table tennis starting when I was 12. Did you ever watch the show Full House?  Nope.

Is there a celebrity you are just DETERMINED to marry?  Now that’s just delusional haha. I’m pretty obsessed with some celebrities, that much I can admit; but thinking of them in the context of marriage is so many steps overboard.

Have you ever burned someone’s picture?  No. I could, but I am scared of fire and will probably just think of other ways to express my anger, like tearing up the photograph. What’s the longest hike you’ve ever been on?  Total length was probably like 3 hours. I haven’t gone too far when it comes to hiking.

Would you ever get a lip tattoo?  Not interested.

Who is the first person of the opposite sex that pops into your head? Hans.

Do your parents smoke cigarettes?  My mom tried it once in her life, I think. My dad has never smoked.

What does one of your T-shirts have written on it?  “Hope right here!”

Name a pet you definitely wouldn’t want.  Anything that’s supposed to roam freely in the wild, like squirrels.

Would you prefer your partner smaller or taller?  Taller, since I’m already quite pint-sized to begin with lol.

Do you enjoy going through old pictures? Sometimes. Other times, it's too painful. It also depends on the era of the pictures. < Agree, especially with the eras. Childhood photos are always fun to look at, but I have had to delete a CHUNK of photos from years ranging from 2014 to 2020 because I’ve lost a handful of friends from that period.

Do you believe people when they say they don’t judge people?  It’s hard to for the most part, but I’ve noticed very few people people really don’t. Most of the time it’s bullshit though.

What did you love the most about the town you grew up in?  That it’s pretty close to the metro.

What’s a movie that you laughed the hardest during?  Hmm, I prefer TV shows if I’m craving comedy.

What’s a movie you cried the hardest during?  Life Is Beautiful.

What’s your favorite restaurant?  Omakase for my sushi fix; School Tteokbokki if I want Korean; Yabu if I’m looking for a generous rice meal.

Is there a dessert you don’t like?  Anything with fruits.

Favorite album?  After Laughter by Paramore.

What’s a book that you read because everyone else was reading it?  I can name authors instead of books – John Green and Haruki Murakami.

Underwater or outer space?  Outer space.

Dogs or cats?  Dogs.

Kittens or puppies?  Puppies.

Bird watching or whale watching?  Whale watching. I don’t get to be in the water as much, so I would jump at the opportunity.

What is your spirit animal?  I dunno if I have one but let’s just go with dog and elephant, I guess? They’re my favorites.

What was your best subject in school?  History.

What was your worst subject in school?  Chemistry.

What is one thing you wish you knew in high school?  Don’t waste your time.

Who is your fashion icon?  Audrey Hepburn.

Diamonds or pearls?  Diamonds.

What color dress did you wear to prom?  For my own prom it was cream-colored/beige. When I went to Mike’s ball, I went with a royal blue gown.

What’s your favorite plot-twist?  I don’t think I’ve found my favorite yet.

Honestly, are you jealous of someone right now?  Not actively.

Honestly, what’s the worst thing you’ve done when you were mad?  I dunno...road rage, maybe?

Honestly, ever made anyone cry when you were mad?  It’s very likely.

Honestly, when was the last time you REALLY cried your heart out?  Sometime in the last week.

Ever pop someone else’s pimple? No thanks.

Do you need to return anyone’s phone call?  Nope.

Who are you closest to?  Angela.

Have you ever had a bad concert experience?  No, all the ones I’ve been to have been amazing experiences.

Are you currently sad about anything?  Not really. I can’t complain.

Have you had any form of exercise today?  Nah.

Can you handle blood?  Nope, I will feel faint if I see it 100%.

Has any place hired you underage for a job?  No.

Have you ever carried a concealed weapon?  I haven’t.

Are you currently searching for a job?  No, I like the one I have.

Does eating breakfast make you sick?  No?

[surveys-at-your-service]

Surveys #417-419

Been slacking on posting these, so here’s like three surveys over the past few days divided up. I just don’t feel like posting them individually. Beware, it’s a long post, haha.

Do you believe that animals don’t have souls? I lean towards the idea that they, at least more complex species with actual sentience, do in some way. It's hard to imagine like, a fly having a soul, but it's a nice thought. You could NEVER convince me some don't, though, like my late dog Teddy, Sara's old chameleon Jem, and I could go on and on. Have you ever not been able to swallow pills? No, I've always been able to. If you HAD to change your first name, what would you change it to? Maybe like, Quinn. Something you don't hear a lot, for sure. Something more memorable. What are your thoughts on orange soda? Orange cream soda is BOMB. Man, been so long since I've had that stuff... Are you good with children and/or animals? Don't mean to brag, but people say I'm like a magician with animals. No matter what it is, I bond with it. Children, not so much. I'm awkward around them. Who in your life makes you smile the most? My cat, ha ha. If you were cremated, where would you want your ashes to be placed? Hm. Maybe high up in the mountains or in the Kalahari Desert. Do you plan on going to your high school’s reunion? No. I'm pretty sure I'd shatter from memories just entering the building. Would you want revenge on someone if they killed someone special to you? Or would you find it in your heart to forgive? "Forgive" my ass. They'd better get what's coming to them, even if I've gotta be the person to deliver it. Is there someone you are dying to see? More than I think anyone could possibly know. But it's probably better if I never do. Could you picture yourself getting married and having kids? Married, yes. Having kids, no. I could only picture that in one phase of my life, but like I called it: a phase. I should never be a mother, nor do I want to be one to begin with, so yeah, no kids for me. Do you like to take walks? If my legs were actually worth a shit, yes, I would, if it's in a nature-filled area. What are you listening to at this moment in time? "Thoughts & Prayers" by Motionless In White. Did you ever kiss someone with a tattoo? No. Could you say something good about the last person you kissed? She's very resilient. Why are you single? Because 1.) I'm a very unappealing example of an adult, 2.) I'm not exactly very attractive, and 3.) I'm basically a hermit, so I don't meet people. Do you get jealous if your boyfriend hugs another girl? Hypothetically, in almost any case, I wouldn't. My imaginary boyfriend can have female friends. But I'll admit if it was like, an ex-girlfriend or something and it was a seriously intense hug, I might. Is there something that happened in your past you hate talking about? Yes, but I mean, who doesn't. Have you ever been completely alone with a boy in his room? You make this sound so scandalous lmao. Yes, plenty of times. I dated a dude and briefly lived with him for three and a half years. Do you hate the person you fell hardest for? No. Who was the last person that you cried in front of? I'm sure it was Mom. Is it hard for you to be “just friends” with the opposite sex? Nah. Do you remember every single person that you’ve kissed? Yeah. Do you believe that the world will actually end? Humanity, oh yeah. The planet itself, given the infinite nature of the universe, also yes. At SOME point, even if it's zillions of years down the line, Earth is gonna get fucked by something. Are you socially awkward? I am the literal avatar of "socially awkward." Would you rather watch a comedy movie or horror movie? Horror. Who is your favorite actor/actress? MARK IS A FUCKIN' ACTOR, Y'ALL. Are you satisfied with your gender? Yeah. Are you good at admitting your problems? HA! Yeah. ezpz Have you ever had a hangover? No, never been drunk to begin with. Do you know any strippers? No. How many times have you dyed your hair? I ain't counting. What is something that reminds you of your childhood? Dinosaurs. Do you think you eat healthy? I try to. I have my bad days, though. Are you sick quite often or hardly at all? My immune system is the fucking MVP. I am just about never, ever sick. Has anyone suspected you of being a different sexuality? Yes. Do you like chocolate or vanilla cake more? Chocolate, duh. Does it bother you to have blood drawn or not so much? Nah, no biggie. Has your cell phone ever rung in class? Omg no, I woulda been mortified. Have you ever tried opening your eyes under water? Yeah, as a kid. Would you rather have a cat or a dog? I prefer cats. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital? Like... six times, I wanna say. What would you say is your favorite type of flower? Orchids, but I also love dahlias. I've actually noticed that I've really had a greater "thing" for flowers lately. Like don't get me wrong, I've always loved flowers very much, but I've just found myself more drawn to them than usual, especially when taking the daily hour ride to the TMS office. Do you watch Toddlers and Tiaras? FUCK no. That show disgusts and angers me so much. If someone asked you to go to war today, what would you say? Yeah, no. Funny joke. I couldn't go anyway due to mental health issues and a suicidal history. Do you own an old vintage typewriter? We used to when I was little. I have no idea what happened to it, though?? Hell, maybe we still have it somewhere, but I doubt that. Do you like or hate the smell of fish? Ew, does ANYONE like the smell of fish??? Have you ever read any of John Green’s books? I got a few pages into The Fault in Our Stars, but stopped for no real reason. I didn't not like it or anything, I was just still in my "I don't read" episode. Are you a protective person? VERY. I'm a fucking guard dog over those I love most. Are you a fan of penguins? Yeah, they're cute. I especially think emperor penguins are very majestic. Have you ever met your favorite author? I don’t have a favorite author. Did you get your mom or dad’s eyes? Neither's. I think my maternal grandpa had blue eyes, though? I'm not sure at all, though. When was the last time someone bought you flowers? Not sure. Has there ever been a murder in your town? "A" murder? Thems is rookie numbers for my neck of the woods, fella. This place is known for crime, and that includes murder. When falling asleep, do you ever feel like you stopped breathing? Well, I have seriously severe sleep apnea, so... but the diagnosis came as a surprise to me, because I never DID think this. But sure enough, did a sleep study, and in just one hour's time, I stopped breathing like what, 30 times? What's the last thing that scared the hell out of you? Stupid drivers. Do you have any life-changing plans within the next 6 months? I guess getting a job could be pretty life-changing. As of right now, how do you feel about your future? I'm very, very scared. Who is the last person you ran into unexpectedly? Hm, I dunno. Where does your grandma live? Both of mine are dead, but my paternal grandmother lived in Michigan, while my maternal one technically lived in Florida, but stayed in New York with her son's family a whole lot. I don't really know where she stayed more. Do you know how to read music? Not anymore. Does the song you’re currently listening to remind you of anyone special? Not so much the song, but the band. Motionless In White is one of his all-time favorites, so I can't listen to them without thinking of Jason. Sucks because they've been becoming one of MY favorites, too, so I listen to them a lot. If the person who has hurt you the most, said they were in love with you, would you believe them? I'd tell him he was in a love with a person who no longer exists. It's impossible for him to be in love with me now when he doesn't know how much I've changed. If Facebook made you pay would you still use it? Ha, no. Have you ever been recorded on film without your permission? Not that I know of? Tell me about your last boyfriend? He's a wonderful person. He's been there for me without fail since we became friends in high school band, and he is SO fucking funny. He's always cared a lot about me, and I care a lot about him, just not in the same way he does me. He's like my big brother. Are your parents racist? My dad definitely is. What is your least favorite subject in school? Math and economics both sucked. Have you ever been involved in a custody battle before? Almost certain no. I'm pretty sure Dad didn't fight for custody at all, but it could've been something Mom just never told me. Have you ever babysat a newborn baby before? NOOOOOOOOOOOOO. I NEVER could. Do you have any siblings you neglect? .-. As a kid, did you ever go to camp? I went to Vacation Bible School, if that counts. Did your parents ever let you play in the pits of those multicolored balls? Yeah, until that big news story about a dirty needle pricking a child. Have any of your siblings ever had a crush on your significant other? Not to my knowledge. I highly doubt it. What do you usually order at Taco Bell, if you go there? Cheese quesadilla with fiesta potatoes. Rarely a pair of those cinnamon ball thingies. Ever consider a sex change? Nah. Do you eat whip cream straight out of the can? EW no. I hate the texture of whipped cream. What do you think of popcorn? Loooove. Have you ever dated any of your friends’ ex? No. Well, it's funny, Rachel (both Juan's and Jason's ex) and I are friends now, but definitely weren't at the time of us being together. Have you ever gone out with someone even though one of your friends liked that person first? If yes, did you feel bad? If no, were you tempted to? No. Would you rather be a rich musician, or a rich actor? Musician. What was the last charity you donated to? I don't recall. Did you like to collect frogspawn as a kid? I've told the "my friends and I saved hundreds of tadpoles" story enough times, so for this question, I'll just talk about when I would go fishing with Dad as a kid. Back then, if I got bored of actually fishing, I would walk along the riverbank and try to catch tadpoles and minnows in my hands. It was soooo fun to Kid Brittany. Do you walk fast or slow? I walk pretty damn slow. Can you juggle with more than two items? I can't juggle, period. Do you like jalapenos? Yeah! Do you like kiwis? Yessss, I love kiwi! Does anyone in your family go deer or bird hunting? Who is it anyway? I don't know if she still does, but my little sister used to go deer hunting with a friend.

Are you saving up for anything right now? What? Yeah, my pet snake's 40 gallon terrarium. What sort of things do you have bookmarked in your internet browser? It's quite diverse, but I think I mostly have templates for specific character profiles. Have you ever snuck in to a theater/dance/bar etc? No, I'm a good noodle. If given the chance, would you go to Ireland? Certainly! It's beautiful there. If you have a cat, does it ever “converse” with you? Oh, ABSOLUTELY. When I talk to him, he sure does try to answer me and it's the cutest thing, ha ha. Have you ever tried those electric toothbrushes? Yeah, that’s what I use. Has anyone told you that they wanted to marry you/were planning on it/etc? Yeah, guess he changed his mind. Name one of your ex’s mother’s names? Virginia. Does your favorite song have a meaning? BIG TIME. Have you ever written or received a suicide note? I've written one. .-. What is the worst thing a child has ever done to you while you were babysitting? When I was changing her diaper, she got up and ran around naked in the house. ;-; Do you own a nightgown? No. If you could get any pet right now, what would you get? i. want. my. tarantula. Have you ever actually been stuffed into a locker? No. That is just such a TV trope that I've never even heard of happening irl. Do you/did you decorate the inside of your locker at school with stuff? I only had a locker in middle school, and I believe I didn't. I didn't want one in HS. What’s the coolest thing you’ve made with Legos? I was never a Legos kid; I played with Lincoln Logs. Do you want to get pregnant right now? Fuck no, man. Or ever. Have you ever housed a friend for a long period of time because they had no place to live? No. If you have a favorite comedian, have they ever been in a movie? I don't have one, really. Are there any books you want to read? Besides the series I'm reading, I want to read The Testaments by Margaret Atwood, but idk if I'll ever get to it, really. If you have younger siblings, are you very protective of them? We don't have a close relationship, but I am nevertheless. If you have older siblings, are they very protective of you? Not really, it seems. First letter of the names of everyone you have kissed? J, T, D, S. Do you like going to school sports games? No, I hated it. When Ash was a cheerleader, Mom made me go, and I was never happy about it. Have you ever worn your boyfriend’s clothes? An ex-boyfriend's, yeah. Did you get into your mom’s makeup when you were a kid? I don't think I did? Do you want anything pierced? Ugh, a lot of places. The last time you washed your hair, did you use conditioner? I never do. Has your partner ever accused you of cheating when you actually didn’t? I've never been accused of cheating. Has anyone ever called you stuck-up? No. I'm quite the opposite. Have you been diagnosed with any mental disorders? Too many, really. What are you doing this summer? Nada. Do you still watch MTV? I never did. Have you ever spent the night with the last person you kissed? Yes. What’s the dress code for your job? Do you like it? I'm unemployed. Does your job allow piercings or tattoos? ^, and this might sound stupid, but I wouldn't work at a job that didn't. Especially tattoos. No job is stopping me from doing things that improve my self-esteem and body image, particularly when I LOATHE my body. If a little bit of art makes me feel better about myself? Nobody is stopping me. What are some trends you dislike that everyone seems to love? "Crocs. Whyyyy?" <<<< THIS. First people hated them, now they love them??? They're hideous as shit. If you got married and then got divorced, would you want to re-marry? I don't really know. How often do you use lotion? Not NEARLY enough for someone with skin as dry as mine. Do you donate your old stuff to Goodwill? If so, what was the last thing you donated? Yeah. Mom recently brought some old toys, I think? How weight conscious are you? You have no fucking idea. Rent a movie or go see one in theaters? I prefer going to a theater. I enjoy the experience. What’s the biggest personality trait turn-off for a potential partner? Probably being an explosive/volatile person. I can't with that. Would you ever go on a birth control pill? I already am to regulate my period and tame the cramps. And if I was sexually active, I absolutely would want to be on it. What's your favorite late night tv show? I don’t have one. At high school do or did you participate in Spirit Week? No. Do you have a favorite vocalist? Who? Queen's Freddie Mercury will probably always top the list. If you have a favorite photographer, can you describe their work? I don't have a favorite photographer. Surprisingly. Are sex and sexual activities something you enjoy? If it's with someone I'm in love with and am in the mood, sure. What is one aspect of your life that did not turn out as you expected? I did NOT expect to reach 25 like... *gestures at self* this. What is one thing stopping you from becoming a veterinarian? I could never handle euthanizing pets and watching the families' hearts break. How long have you lived in the house you live in? Not even a year. Compared to this time last year, are you happier or sadder? I'm definitely sadder. Especially today. Do you like Subway? I do. Have you ever seen a volcano? No. Have you ever found a spider on your bed? Yes. It's the scariest shit when one skitters across your blanket, because like, you LEAST expect it to happen in the comfort of your own bed. Are you satisfied with the way your life is right now? Not even remotely, if I'm being honest. I'm at a real low. When was the last time you ate at Burger King? Years ago, when I was a vegetarian and went there for the veggie burger. How often do you cry? lol a lot Ever had a crush on a teacher? No. Can you wire a plug? ... I don't even know what you mean by "wire a plug," so obviously no lmfao. Where were you when you got your first period? Well I think I actually *started* at school, but I noticed when I got home. Can you drive? I mean I'm capable, but I'm an incredibly anxious, overly passive, and just generally terrified driver. I'm so scared of when I finally get new glasses and therefore a new permit... but I have to get used to driving. Living where I do, public transportation is very, very limited, and I just can't have people driving me places the rest of my life. Exercise or healthy eating? I sadly hate exercising SO much. I'd rather eat healthy. Did you play Red Rover when you were a child? Yeah. Are you more attracted to men or women? This can actually vary with time, which I originally thought was weird but is apparently normal for some bisexual individuals. There are spans where I feel more sexual attraction to men, and then other times women. Has anyone ever called you rich? God no, I am so far from it. What makes you feel beautiful? Nothing. Are you considered a very sensitive person? I'm way too sensitive for my own good. Have you ever told someone you never wanted to speak to them again? Yes, my dad. I regret that letter I sent him so, so much. I honestly don't know how he can treat me with so much love after the shit I said. If you could watch any TV series right now, what would it be? I am... astonishingly behind on Meerkat Manor: Rise of the Dynasty. I know, seriously incredible. I just don't watch TV, man. It's strange, I'm into the show, of course I am, I just... don't like sitting myself in front of a television and purely watching it. I'll catch up, though. Do you grind your teeth, and if so, why do you do it? No. But it's not like people have a reason they grind their teeth... they just do. Do you feel the need to rant about anything right now? If so, go for it. I could, but I'm not going to. It'll just upset me. Do you have a friend named Nick? What’s his favourite food? My sister's husband's name is Nick, but he is definitely not my friend. I can't stand his bigoted, sexist, misogynistic, homophobic, racist ass. I don't know or care what his favorite food is. What are you listening to? I'm re-watching Gab and Sinow play Resident Evil 5. People can say all they want about RE5, but I love it. Do you prefer waffles or pancakes? Waffles, but only if they're still soft enough to not be considered crunchy. I prefer them because I can put peanut butter on them, and the grooves catch the syrup instead of just absorbing it all like pancakes. Do you prefer non-diet or diet soda? I don't/can't drink diet sodas because the artificial sweetener gives me a KILLER headache. Are you craving anything right now? You guys have no idea how badly I want Taco Bell for whatever reason. Which word did you say first, mama or dada? The latter. What was your first pet’s name? So, there's three answers to this. I was born into the family while we had a collie named Trigger, but I have absolutely zero memory of her. She passed when I was too young. Our first family pet that I clearly remember was Chance, our rescued cat. My first *personal* pet was either a guinea pig named Squeak or Chinese water dragon named Shadow. I can't remember who came first. Who was your best friend in elementary? It changed with the years, but I can say the three biggies were Brianna, Kim, and Quiata. Who was your favorite teacher in high school? Probably Coach Collie. He was so wise, kind, funny... He was all-around just wonderful and taught so many life lessons. When you go to a restaurant, do you have a go-to dish? Always. What is the best part of your most ordinary day? Waking up and doing my first sweep of the Internet before I get bored outta my fucking senses. Do you read any web comics? No.

Do you drink bottled water? Yeah, but like any water, it has to be COLD. Not room temperature. Not a tad chilly. I mean cooooold. When did you last use a straw? Earlier. I have a metal straw I use to drink water with because I drink faster through a straw, and with it being water, of course I want to try to drink as much as I can when I actually choose to drink water. Have you ever tackled someone to the ground? No. Do you know anyone who lies to make themselves look more interesting? My former best friend did that. She was an online friend, so it made it easy. I finally caught on and called her out on it, and then she just totally dipped. Do you like to sing? Not that much, honestly. Like sometimes I feel like it, sure, but not frequently. Are your parents in good health? No, not really. Have you ever been a caregiver to a sick/disabled relative? No. I feel bad saying it, but I know I never could be. I could NOT clean another human being. It's one of the bajillion reasons I'm not having kids. Do you like to take naps during the day? "Like" isn't the right word. I just... need to. Most days, there is NO way I can make it 'til night without one. What movie was your favorite to see in the movie theater? Even though it was sincerely a sucky movie, I really enjoyed watching Silent Hill: Revelation because I saw the 3D version, plus the hype over my favorite franchise getting a new movie was just very exciting. Favorite Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle character? I was never into that. Ever watched The Blair Witch Project? Yes, and I positively adore it. I genuinely think it's a genius horror movie, never showing, but telling through other methods. Have a favorite AC/DC song? Probably "You Shook Me All Night Long." Are you good at selling candy for those fundraiser things? Omg nooooo I HATED doing that shit, especially when some amount of sales were like, required for whatever bullshit reason. I hate hate hate advertising to people. My parents always bought them instead. Have you ever had a crush on someone too old for you? No. Well, besides James Hetfield, ha ha. What's your favorite Dr. Suess quote? I don't know enough quotes to have one. If you were to have wings, what would you want them to look like? Dark and dragon-esque with lots of rips and tears in them... but not enough to stop me from flying, ha ha. Have you ever broken up with someone to find you want them back later? No. Has anyone ever dared you to eat a chili pepper? Did you do it? No. Have you ever tried Thai food? No. Have you ever watched Avatar? The TV show, not the movie. I've seen I think one season with Sara so far? I actually quite enjoy it. What's your cellphone's signature for text? WOW this survey is ancient. If you smoke marijuana, what is your preferred or typical method? I don't smoke it. Do you often take painkillers? I dunno about "often," but headaches to the point I take something aren't rare for me. Do you wish you were in a relationship? I mean yes, but I know it's for the better I'm not. Have you ever been to the ER? Many times. Do you ever feel guilty eating meat? I feel extremely guilty. I try not to think about it. Where have you lived for the most part of your life? Eastern NC. How old are you? 25. What are you listening to at the moment? Powerwolf came out with a new album, so I've been bingeing the shit out of some songs, ha ha. Right now it's "Blood For Blood." Do you watch WWE Raw? Ew, no. I have NEVER gotten the appeal of wrestling. Just like... why????? Do you dye your hair? Nowhere near regularly. :/ I haven't had it dyed in a very long time, and I hate it. I love colored hair. We just can't afford that expense on something so little. My hair does NOT take dye easily, so we have to have a professional do it, and that isn't exactly cheap. Have you ever lived in a different country that the one you’re living in? No. Which of your parents will you see next? I live with my mother, so. Have you fallen asleep in school? Not in class, no. In college when I would be in the library between classes, though, I've dozed before. Have you ever been hospitalized? Yes, but not for physical issues. Do you make fun of obese people? You're talking to someone who is. So obviously no, and you're a piece of fucking shit if you do. Do you have an innie or an outtie? Innie. Have you ever tried to headbang? No. Even as a metalhead, I don't get it, man. You're asking for a headache. Do you own any Converse? What do you think of them? I have a few and like them. Have you ever started a rumor? No. Have you ever been in a position of authority? I mean, I'm an admin on two sites, so I guess? Were your ancestors royalty? Yeah, I'm related to one of the Queen Victorias, I believe. I just know she had a thing for beheading people, ha ha. What do you like on your pasta/noodles? Sauce, butter, grated cheese, etc.? Just tomato sauce and meatballs, really. Who is the most ungrateful person you know? What makes them this way? My fucking ex-best friend. You could never, ever give her enough and she just... blegh. She was so fucking ungrateful for everything people did for her. It was just never enough. Do you like cherry Pepsi? I like cherry Coke. I don't like Pepsi. Have you ever held an uncommon pet before (ex: mouse, spider, snake, lizard)? I've held snakes, rats, lizards, and a tarantula. Who did you last play truth or dare with? No clue. Have you ever camped out somewhere for an event the next day? No. When were you the saddest in your life? 2016. Do you know anyone, personally, who is in an abusive relationship? Are you? No. If you have siblings, have they moved out or do they still live with you? Yeah, they've moved out. What was the most unique pet you’ve owned? I'd probably say my champagne ball python. A lot of people don't even know ball python morphs exist, so seeing her might surprise some people. Do you like Doritos? Yeah. When you buy clothes, do you always try them on first? No, but I need to learn how to... I just HATE doing it. Have you used bugspray recently? No. Do you enjoy swimming in the ocean? Yesssss. Have you ever tried to sew or knit anything? No. Has something ever happened to you that seemed like it was from a movie? Most of Jason's and my relationship felt like one. Hence why the breakup felt so sudden and just impossible. Do you find yourself to be a believer in love at first sight? Not even remotely. Is there something you want to do, that you swear you will, no matter what? Spread Teddy's ashes in Yellowstone. I promised him. Are you longing for the day that you’ll be an adult? (If you’re not already) I am an adult, and it sucks. What’s something you’ve vowed to never eat? Any meat that was hunted. Have you ever owned a diary/journal with a lock and key? I don't believe so. When you were little, what movie did you watch over and over? Mostly Disney films, like The Lion King and Finding Nemo. Are you deathly allergic to anything? No. Do you know what you want for your dream house? Nope. I honestly don't really care about having a "dream" house to begin with. I just need one that's cozy to me and gets the job done. Have you ever seen the movie The Notebook? Many, many times. It's my favorite romance movie. Have you ever used the photo editing site “Picnik”? No, not to my memory. Has an animal ever taken a strong dislike to you? Our old dog Bentley didn't like me all that much, and I didn't like him, either. Have you ever attempted to cut your own hair? No. Do you have a lucky or special coin? No. Do you love ice cream cake more than normal cake? No. Do you check your email daily? No. Is there anyone you know who’s in any way paralyzed? No. For you, do you commonly feel more jealousy or envy? Envy. Do you rely on the heads/tails flipping of a coin sometimes for decisions? No. Has a laptop ever burned your legs? Yes, actually. For a while many years ago, my old laptop left subtle burn marks on my legs. Anyone’s birthday coming up soon? My nephew's is next month. Do you like Laffy Taffy? I doooo. Are your biceps at all noticeable? Ha, no. Have you ever seen a walrus? Maybe when I went to SeaWorld as a kid? Did you ever have one of those easy bake ovens as a kid? Yup. If given the opportunity, would you ride on a camel? Sure. What flavor cake do you like for your birthday? Red velvet. Have you ever had a job you loved? Nope. Have you ever been in a building that was on fire? Yikes, no. Have you ever written a poem for someone? Two people. Have you been best friends with someone of a different race? Yes. Who is the person you are closest to that you’ve met online? Sara. What was the name of the first porcelain doll you got? I was very afraid of dolls as a kid, so I obviously didn't have one. Do you sell any products? If so, what? I mean, I'm a wannabe photographer that sells my service. Owls or peacocks? Owls. Lions or horses? Lions. Can you still fit into kid’s clothes? Hell no. What devotional do you read, if any? None. What do you make wishes on? I only ever do for the tradition of it on my birthday. I don't believe in the magic of wishes, though. Have you ever made a recipe you found in a magazine? No. Are you bitter about anything? Probably always will be. Have you ever been in a love triangle? No. How bad are your hangovers? Never had one. Have you ever broken a bone? If so, what was the cause of it? Yes. It was identified as a fracture, but a break and a fracture are technically like the same thing, so. At a skating rink, I fell and landed on my hand so the top of it nearly touched my arm, so my wrist got FUCKED. I will never, ever forget the severity of the pins and needles feeling and just the experience in general. It hurt so goddamn bad. Is this the best year of your life? Fuck no.

[lovemesomesurveys]

What's the most beautiful thing you've seen in the last week? Snapchats/IG stories my cousin posted of the ocean while she was there earlier this week.

What is beauty, in your opinion? Something you find aesthetically pleasing.

What's your favorite brand of potato chip?  Original Ruffles and ranch dip is quite good. Of all the bands you hate, which do you hate the least? I can’t think of any band I hate. There’s bands I don’t like because I just don’t vibe with their music, but I don’t hate them. Do you believe it is possible to know something that's false?  Yes?

Does man have free will? Yes.  How many people have you ever dated? Two. Would you rather do evil or have evil done to you? Uh, neither... Who's better, Britney Spears or Christina Aguilera?  I like songs from both of them.  How many friends do you have? Zero. What's worse, algebra or geometry? I hate math, period. We didn’t vibe. Are you a vegetarian of any sort?  Nope. What's your sexual orientation? Straight. Who do you look up to? My mom. Should art that does not represent anything be considered art at all? Anything can be considered art. Just because it might not represent anything to you, it doesn’t mean that it doesn’t. People can look at the same thing and see something totally different. Have you ever... Literally wanted to kill someone? Stayed up all night...two nights in a row? Had a near-death experience? Been obsessed with a celebrity? Believed a person to be perfect in every way? <<< Only Jesus. Been hated by the people at an online forum? Planned your own suicide? Had an overwhelming religious experience? Fainted? Had an imaginary friend? Been windsurfing? Volunteered for an organization without having been forced into doing so? Wanted something so badly you'd sell your soul for it? Seen something so disgusting you puked? <<< Pretty damn close. Changed your mind about something important three times in one day? Written anything longer than twenty pages (typed, single-spaced)? Read anything longer than one thousand pages (in one day)? Felt as if you could do anything? Taken a friend on a family trip? Attended a Marxist gathering? Memorized the lyrics to the Internationale? Witnessed a solar eclipse? Fallen asleep during class? Been away from your family for more than six weeks? Which of the following best describes you Simple/Sophisticated Altruistic/Selfish Smart/Dumb <<< Kinda smart, kinda dumb. I feel I’m just average. Cute/Ugly Reader/Writer Math nerd/history buff <<< Neither. Into sports/Into music Unwavering/Impulse Serious/Funny Favorite Type of animal: Dogs and giraffes. Word:  *shrug* Number:  8. Music video: I’ll say Lady Gaga’s Paparazzi video because it has Alexander Skarsgard haha. TV show:  I have several. Philosopher:  I don’t have one. Video/computer game: Mario Bros anything pretty much, Animal Crossing: New Horizons, and The Sims.  Sport (to play):  None. Sport (to watch):  None. Living political figure:  I don’t have one. Work of art:  The Scream by Edvard Munch. Month of the year:  October and December. Name:  Alexander. Calculator:  Uh, I don’t have a favorite calculator. I just use the one on my phone if I need one. Comic strip:  Peanuts.

Enemy:  I don’t have any enemies. If I did, I don’t think I’d have a favorite one... Year of your life:  I’ll give you a decade: the 90s. Teacher:  I’m not in school anymore.

Restaurant:  Wingstop. Textbook: Do you crave adventure?  I’d like to travel. I really could use a vacay. Do you wear glasses?  Yep. What's the purpose of your life?  I haven’t figured that out, yet. Do you have moral integrity? Yes. Do you like your family?  Yes, I love my family. Do you like yourself? No. :/ Would you ever respond "Yes" to the question "Are you hungry or full?"  No? Your religion? Christian. What do you care about most in your life?  God and my family. Have you heard the term "Luddite?"  Uhh, nope. Have you ever been elected a class officer?  No. Do you get good grades? I’m done with school now, but yeah I got A’s and B’s. Do you litter?  NO. Huge pet peeve of mine. Just throw it away!  Are you a paragon of virtue? A what? Okay, so I Googled it and it’s a term for someone who describes themselves as being perfect and having no faults or imperfections; often used sarcastically and ironically. I am certainly no such person, no one is, and I wouldn’t even say I was joking cause just no. I clearly have faults and imperfections. I know people who would use that term about themselves, though. What is virtue, in your opinion?  Having to do with morals. Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? How long have you been together? Why do you like him/her? Nope. Is incest wrong?  Yes. Do you have a calendar of any sort?  Yeah, I have a physical one and the one on my phone. What time is it?  6:04AM. Tell me something interesting. I got nothin’. Do you cuss?  Not a lot, but yes.

Are you bilingual(/trilingual/quadrilingual, if that's a word/etc.)?  No. I wish.

Are you mentally ill? I have major depression and anxiety. Does mental illness exist?  Uh, yeah it absolutely does. Ever fallen in love online? No, but in 6th grade I had an online boyfriend I met in a teen chatroom lmao. I would say I was like 16 or 18. I shouldn’t laugh cause it’s very likely the guy was probably an old perv. Who is John Galt?  I don’t know. How many songs are on your playlist?  I have no idea, but it’s a shit ton. What's your favorite singer/band? Linkin Park is definitely my top favorite band, but I have many favorite artists and bands. List three favorite songs. That’s too hard. Do you approve of math jokes?  I probably wouldn’t even get them, ha.

How about "your mom" jokes? Not a fan. Are you addicted to online surveys?  Yeah, you could say that. Are you addicted to anything else? Caffeine :O <<< Same. Do you have any anti-technological tendencies?  No. Are you bored?  Nah. Who do you despise?  Evil, sick, disturbing people. If you could cure one social ill, what would it be?  Child abuse. If you were dictator of the US, what's the first thing you would do? I wouldn’t want to be a dictator, for one. Also, I wouldn’t want to be in control in any kind of way over the country. How many kids would you like to have? Zero. What's the biggest lie you've told within the past two weeks? I haven’t told any huge lies in the past two weeks. Do you have AOL?  No. I haven’t had AOL since like 2004. Do you consider yourself a loser? “Soy un perdedor, I’m a loser, baby.” Are you putting off something important to take this survey?  Sleep? It’s 6:22AM, but sadly that’s become the norm for me this year. If you could change the design on the American flag, how would it look? I’ll leave it the way it is.   Why do you believe children like stuffed animals? Because they're soft and cuddly. <<< Would you rather die or have ten random strangers die?  Wtf. Do you believe nuclear weapons should be eliminated? Absolutely. Education? What about it? I think it’s very important if that’s what you mean. Slavery? Of course not!  Do you deliberately cause physical harm to yourself?  In a way I have since I don’t take care of myself like I should. I’ve neglected and ignored things I shouldn’t have.  Are definitions for losers?  No?? We need to know the meaning of words... Summarize yourself in one word.  Blah. Do you have any pets?  I have a doggo!  Ever had a blood transfusion?  I’ve had a few. Who was your first crush?  This kid named Philip when I was in the 3rd grade. When did you have it?  Oh. ^^^ What's your earliest memory? Preschool memories come to mind first. Are you listening to anything right now? Yeah, an ASMR video. Are you a good writer? People have said that I am, *shrug*  Are you physically disabled in any way?  Yes, I’m a paraplegic. Would you rather lose an arm or a leg?  I guess a leg out of the two. As someone who relies on their arms for everything, I really need those. I’d like to keep all my limbs; though, thanks. Are you easily amused?  Yeah, you could say that. Are you socially inept? I’m socially awkward, is that the same? Who's your favorite fictional character?  Eric Northman. Where will you be in twenty years? Gah, I can’t think about that. Do you remember the 1996 election?  No. I turned 7 that year , I didn’t pay attention to that stuff. I was a kid, I cared about kid stuff. Do you remember anything that happened in 1996?  I remember I got the chicken pox. Is it worse to be considered unfeeling or irrational?  I’d say both. What's the greatest sports team of all time? I really don’t care about sports at all. What turns you on/off? It’s been so long, who knows. Do you get angry over little things? No, but I do get very irritable and frustrated quite easily. If you could have one wish (other than more wishes), what would it be? Good health. Do you enjoy hypothetical questions? Ehh, depends.

How much will you accept without proof? Uhhh. Ever dumped someone?  Yes.

Ever beaten someone up?  No. Ever been addicted to drugs/alcohol/tobacco?  No. Who's your best friend?  My mom. Who's your second-best friend? My younger brother. Do you approve of democracy?  Yes.

[fluidityandgiggles]

Dalton Big Bang day 22 - That’s What We’re Here For

Writing Masterpost, AO3 Link

Notes: Logan in therapy is a thing I care about very deeply and he needs a good therapist to help him out. Did you really think I'll write about anyone else in therapy?

"This is Dr. Blake's office," Johnny told Logan as they left the horrid medicinal smell of the office building and entered a room that could best be described as what would happen if a unicorn projectile-vomited.

Well, maybe he was exaggerating a little, but still! The walls were a light lilac color, decorated with fairy lights and childish doodles painted on colorful paper; the wall near the door had several bookcases on it, full of crafting supplies and tabletop games and books Logan didn't care to check out, and next to them was a white desk with two colorful chairs right up against the wall.

There were also a small coffee table and a light blue suede couch opposite the desk and chairs. The couch was covered with plushies and there was a soft blanket folded neatly on the armrest. That was the biggest offender in his opinion. That couch in particular.

On that couch sat a young man, about somewhere in his thirties, sipping a cup of tea and looking straight at Logan. He sported slightly messy light brown hair, in a way that still seemed intentionally so, and frameless glasses that sat high on the bridge of his nose; Logan believed that, had the glasses been different, maybe his green argyle sweater vest and khaki pants combo would look less nerdy and more… well, more like something. Anything, really.

"Dr. Blake," John greeted the man, nodding a bit as a courtesy.

"Senator Wright." His voice was calm, but as his face broke into a smile Logan could hear it change into something else. "And this must be John—"

"Logan."

"Yes, of course. Excuse me." As the therapist stood up, Logan could see him grab a cane he hasn't seen before, that until now was resting on the small table. At a closer glance, he could see the man's leg wrapped in a bandage of some sort. "It's nice to meet you, Logan. I'm Arin Blake, you can call me Arin, or Dr. Arin, or Dr. Blake if you so fancy, I honestly wouldn't mind."

"Yeah…"

"Don't fuck this one up," Johnny threatened Logan as he turned to leave. "Your psychiatrist recommended him to us. Don't make her regret it—"

"Actually, Senator, I'd rather you joined us today."

The man was already on his phone by then, but at least he didn't leave, which meant he listened probably. Still surprised at the suggestion though, which showed on his face. Logan just scowled as he went to sit on the truly offensive couch - as instructed by the doctor - and grabbed a cat plushie to hold.

A brown cat plushie, not too fluffy, with embroidered black eyes and a stupid expression.

Kinda reminds him of Julian. In a way. He's not sure which. 

"In order to understand what we're working on here, I'd like to also hear your side of the story," Blake continued as he sat down in a chair in front of them. Johnny took the other side of the couch. "Can I offer you coffee, tea? Water?"

"Coffee is fine," Logan shrugged.

"To me as well."

"Just remind me for a moment, which medication are you prescribed?"

Logan may have rolled his eyes at that.

"Prozac, and I'm starting to take adderall soon."

"I see…" he hummed to himself as he got up and left the office, leaving Logan and Johnny in uncomfortable silence.

Dr. Blake's cup of tea was in a big blue mug, decorated with a print of tiny cartoon citrus slices. A clear plastic teaspoon stuck a bit over the top, and Logan inspected the little tag on the tea bag. Hibiscus apple cinnamon. Sounds fancy enough.

He just about took his phone out and started playing something when Blake came back, hopping on one leg almost, and put two disposable cups in front of them. Johnny's was a cup of coffee. His, though…

"I asked for coffee."

"And isn't this it?"

He took a sip. "It's… it's fine." It wasn't. There was too much milk, he could tell just by looking it. This was just a confirmation. "Thanks."

"So how about you both tell me why you're here?" The doctor sat back down in his chair, waiting for an answer.

"I don't know if you've heard in the news, but there was a fire at Logan's school—"

"Don't act like that's the reason we're here." Logan waited for his father to get red in the face. He always did. So he just leaned back and counted the seconds. "You brought me here because you think that everything wrong in your life is the result of me simply existing, and your only excuse to actually do it is that the people you dumped me on when you couldn't bother with keeping me around anymore can't look after me now."

"How do you think people would have reacted to my campaign if they knew—"

"Oh, come on, not everything is about your FUCKING JOB!"

"Okay, okay, Logan put that cup down." He did as he was told. After all, he can't fuck this one up, can he? "Now, without exploding on each other, please tell me what's going on."

"Logan's school burned down back in March—"

"February."

"—and he's only been getting worse since. He's always had anger issues, but since then he won't stop acting out. Usually over quite… petty things too."

Blake pushed his glasses further up, if that was even possible. "Petty things like what?"

"Like…" Johnny faltered, fumbling for words. So Logan spoke for him.

"Like that time last week when I asked if I can go visit my friend in California and you said I can't because what if his mom says no."

"Ms. Larson is a very busy woman, Logan. You can't just expect her to let you stay over because you wanted to on a whim."

"Well, I'm not five anymore, I don't think it really matters so much whether or not she can—"

"Let's stop it right there, again, Logan." Dr. Blake's stare made Logan curl up into himself. "Repeat that, now calmly."

Logan swallowed rather hard before talking again.

————

"Tell me a little about your friends," Dr. Blake asked at another meeting, about five weeks later. Logan sat on the chair closest to the desk, hugging the cat plushie again, and focused on drawing some flowers.

Lily of the valley. It was the only flower he could draw well. And isn't that just sad.

"There's Derek," he started, drawing the stems. "He… well, if he put half as much energy into caring for himself as he does for caring for me, I think the world would be a much better place. I think he's trying to compensate for this with girlfriends. It's kind of worrying, to be honest."

"But he cares for you?"

"Yeah. Sometimes a bit too much. It's… it's funny, actually, because… he really needs to work on himself. He can't fix me no matter how much he tries, because he's not some miracle worker and my mental health isn't fixable—"

"But it is treatable. And that's what we're here for."

"Yeah. I just… I find it funny, because he spends so much time trying to fix me that he's completely ignoring himself, and then he goes off and thinks having a girlfriend is a good replacement for self care. But I can't just tell him that… he'll get upset and then say it's not important and I'm just obsessing over it because reasons, and then when I get upset over not understanding he says it's my anger issues and I should be medicated."

"And why do you think he's doing this?"

This was the type of question that Logan quickly learned Blake loved asking. 'Why do you think', 'why do you feel', as if he wasn't the expert here. It was weird, having someone interested in his opinion without calling it anger issues and shutting him up, or telling him it's stupid and all that. He wasn't sure he could get used to it, but he certainly felt like he was, and it scared him.

"I think… I think he's just worried… he has anxiety, and I think he's reflecting it onto others because he doesn't know how to deal with it himself…? I know his parents don't know how to. So neither does he."

"And your other friend?"

Logan put down his pencil and picked a yellow one, throwing Blake a look.

"Julian is… he's cool. I miss him, I haven't seen him in months and he can't come over for vacation because his mother won't let him."

"Is he just cool?"

"I mean… he's one of my best friends, so… he's cool. He's very snarky sometimes… well, most of the time… and we talked about it a while ago, about why he's like this, and it was before revising my diagnosis, and he didn't really understand that I was insulting him back as a fight or flight response and he thought I was enjoying it… umm…"

Blake just pushed a mug closer to Logan. It was a clear mug, full of a bright red liquid. The hibiscus apple cinnamon tea. He made it for Logan today, as an attempt to get him to like something with no caffeine. Apparently coffee was bad for adderall. He assumed it'll be okay though.

"We're working on it now. And he needs physical therapy, so it's not like we really can do it in person, but we call each other every day and stuff…"

"You should visit him, then," the doctor suggested, making Logan snort. 

"I don't think he wants me around… his boyfriend is there to keep him company. It's fine. Well… not his boyfriend. I'm not sure what they are. It's complicated, I think. Jules says they're not dating but they sure have a—"

"Dearie, are you jealous?"

He just laughed again. "Of Julian? Nope. Not in a million years. Of Sebastian? I… I don't actually know. I mean, he and Julian aren't together even if sometimes it feels like it, and Jules did say I'm his best friend and stuff, but on the other hand he makes him happy, and…"

"And being jealous is okay, so long as you put it into a healthy outlet and not into anger. Talk to Julian about it. See what he thinks and says."

"But… we talked about it… kind of… he said he's in love with me, but it wasn't at a very ideal situation, and… we agreed to not talk about it. Just… let ourselves work through it, figure out what we really feel… what he really feels… and then we'll see where we go from there."

"That's good. But ask him for clarification, okay? Don't make your head spin like this."

Logan just nodded along, grabbing a blue pencil to shade in the flowers themselves.

"So I think I'm going to visit Julian soon," he continues. "I'll ask Derek to join me too… maybe I can buy him a gift…"

"That's a nice idea. What does he like?"

"He likes… cats, and candy… maybe I can get him new sunglasses. I think he'll like sunglasses. Or coffee…"

"Is coffee a gift?"

"Expensive coffee, maybe."

The doctor just laughed. "How about starting small… what about flowers?"

"...I can get him flowers…"

"That you can. I fear we're running out of time, though." Logan looked up from his drawing, a bit disappointed. "We can keep talking about this next week too, okay?"

"Okay… sorry for wasting time like this."

"You've wasted no time, dearie. It's all good. Just remind your father to write me a check, yeah?"

————

Logan crashed on the blue suede couch and covered himself all the way up over his head the second he made it to Dr. Blake's office that day. Sure, he was still wearing his huge coat — New York was especially snowy this winter, like, much more than usual — but he didn't really want to show his face to the world, and the receptionist who asked him to wait earlier was on the receiving end of his panic attack. It wasn't fair to the others, and it just… it wasn't…

"Do you want me to make you tea, dearie?" Blake asked him, rubbing his back. He sounded worried.

Logan just nodded and whimpered.

"Okay… try to breathe while I'm gone, okay? In for four, hold for four, out for four. Think you can do that?"

He nodded again.

"I'll be right back."

As Logan waited for Blake to come back, he started crying again. Winter vacation wasn't treating him too well, between fighting with Julian back at school right before coming home and getting yelled at by his father for flirting with the son of an associate (well, the guy was pretty cute, and certainly down to fuck) and probably the cherry on top, he was late. It wasn't as bad as the others, but he was late to this appointment, and he had so much to talk about, and…

"Logan, can you hear me?" Blake asked after what felt like forever, holding his hand. Logan whimpered again in response. "Come on, let's breathe together. I'll count."

He didn't even feel how long it took before he was sitting up, a second, weighted blanket on his shoulder, drinking his tea. Dr. Blake was still there, helping wipe his cheeks with a tissue as Logan tried to calm down.

"...Julian and I had a fight."

"Okay… what was it about?"

"I… I tried talking to him again, about… about us, and our relationship, and where does our friendship go, and he screamed at me that he's tired of talking about it and that I need to stop bringing it up, that he's with Sebastian and that's it, and then I yelled back and I… I may have slapped him, but…"

"That's bad, dearie. You know it's bad."

"I know! And I hate myself, I hate myself so much for doing this! He doesn't deserve a friend like me, I'm… I'm possessive and an asshole, and he just…"

"Okay, here's where you're wrong," the doctor told him, taking one of his hands. "You're wonderful, Logan. You're a great friend, and Julian didn't tell you he hates you. He didn't say you're terrible."

"But he implied it."

"He did not. It was an intrusive thought. What did Julian say, exactly?"

"...he… he said it's, he said that he's tired of talking about it, and that… that he already has a boyfriend, so I can't... " He hiccuped.

"Exactly… nothing about you as a friend. Open your phone and call him for me, okay? I want you to talk to him, and I want to see you do it."

Logan just nodded, a bit hesitant. He fumbled with his phone, trying to avoid looking at Julian's number, but ultimately he just… did.

Julian answered at the third ring.

"Hey, Lo."

"Hey…" he sniffled a bit. "I just… I need clarification on… on something." He looked at Blake for approval, wiping his eyes with a finger. Blake just nodded.

"Sure, what's up…?"

"Just… when we… had the fight. And you screamed at me and I screamed back, and…" Logan took a second. "Jules, do you hate me?"

"...are you high right now? Seriously. Are you?"

"No… I'm in… never mind."

"Okay... Lolo, I can't hate you. You're my best friend, you know how much I love you, but sometimes I can get mad or frustrated. Just like you do." He could hear the disappointment in Julian's voice almost. "I'm with Sebastian now. I'm happy with him. I love you, I really do, but you constantly asking me if I'm sure I'm happy and if we can give it a chance is getting tiring. I'm sorry, but it's getting really difficult."

"I… I'm sorry… Jules, I—"

"I accept your apology. I'm not mad at you, you don't have to get so anxious about this. You're starting to act like Derek."

"I'm still sorry…" he could finally take a breath, looking at his therapist for approval again. "That's… that's all I… I'm just in therapy, and…"

"Okay… go back to therapy. Don't waste time talking to me. I love you."

"Yeah… me too."

Logan hung up after that and turned to sip his tea, which has now cooled down.

And then the doctor spoke. "I'm proud of you. You don't need to apologize so much, you're doing just fine, but you did great. I'm so proud."

"Thanks." Logan forced a smile.

Maybe… maybe things would be okay, at the end of it all. He sure hoped so.

————

"I'm going to ask Julian out," Logan announced one day, two years into seeing Blake, just waltzing into the office. He may have caught his doctor by surprise, but as he sat down and grabbed his cat plushie, Blake straightened back up and cleared his throat.

"Doesn't he have a boyfriend, though?"

"Not anymore! And he said he doesn't want a rebound but then we talked about it and—"

"Okay, slow down. Let's start from the top. Julian broke up with his boyfriend?"

Logan nodded, then started rambling — "apparently they grew apart, at least it's what he told me, but I'm kinda pretty sure Sebastian cheated on him with Blaine? Blaine is my ex, he's kinda… meh. But yeah. So they broke up, like, three weeks ago, and Jules said he doesn't want a rebound so fast after the relationship, but I can build up to it! I can… I can start talking to him about it, right?" — all while Dr. Blake listened, nodding along to what he was saying.

"...okay… we can build up to that, then. I can help you do it if you're nervous about it."

"I'm really nervous about this…"

"Okay, okay, I can help. But first, how was your week? I made you tea."

"I saw that, thank you, but…" his stomach fell. "My week was so boring… college is boring. I have an exam in two weeks that I'm not sure I'm ready for, Alex had a mental breakdown the other day that I had to help with because nobody else was around, my dad visited…"

"And how is your dad?" Logan rolled his eyes at this question. "No, no no no. You answer me. How is your dad?"

"He still thinks I'm gay for the rebellion part of it. I mean, he'll get over it, I have faith in Michelle to make him change his mind, but… he and Michelle visited, and it was really nice. I missed both of them so much. But the second he saw my friends again he started talking shit, because Drew's voice dropped a lot since the last time they met and he started making transphobic remarks and it was… it was bad. It was so bad."

"Did you help Drew out?"

"Yeah… and then my dad got mad at me and we went into a screaming match. But it's okay, Michelle… did her best to get us to talk. I think he understands it now… not the gay thing, but… the transgender thing."

"That's good…"

Logan opened his phone right before the end of the session, as Blake was reminding him to remind his father to pay and that next week they'll talk in video chat, same day same hour. He nodded along, looking through to his messages to Julian — there —  and getting up and out.

Lolo: I know you said you don't want to get back at it this early, but when you're ready, wanna go on a proper date…?

Lolo: also, can we talk about something? I have an exam soon and I'm anxious as shit

He kept staring at it as he went downstairs and to his car, watching the text on the screen dance with a pain in his chest.

J is typing...

[ironwoman18]

The Worst Third Date Ever part 14

Chapter 14: New Year

When the December thirty-first arrived. Max was in their bed, wearing his shirt and underwear.

She looked at him and smiled. He looked so cute when he was sleeping and she could not help but fall more for him.

When they went back to DC she will miss waking up next to him every day. She wanted to propose to him the moving in together but it was still to soon.

She was the one who set the 'take things slow' and she already break it. Their first kiss happened because of her after Catherine's kidnapped her dad and sister, their first time making love happened because of her after him been so sweet and gentleman and caring with her family that she could not resist.

This travel happened because of her, so now she realized that her plan was an excuse for not open up to him, but he was so... him that she could not help herself but to open every window, door... everything to him.

But this... moving in was a big step even for her. She ran her hand gentle into his hair, she was careful not to wake him up.

She wanted to wake up like this every day but was not sure if that would be possible with his job.

She remembered talking to Kristy and Kristall at the Christmas party at David's house.

David took his male friends for a friendly round of poker, he and Matt knew Spencer would will but the funny thing will be watching the others getting surprised by that.

At the only people left there were a couple sitting at the living room talking and the two wives of her boyfriend's coworkers.

"So how is it like to be marry a FBI agent?" Max asked to break the ice.

"It's both exciting and terrifying" said Krystall with a smile.

"Same" said Kristy "and I would add that it makes you terribly worry but then when they come back and hug you, it's like the first time" add her "that's why we have five children" they laughed.

"I don't need that much children" said Max laughing "I'm scared, Spencer and I just started dating and I'm already worry when he told me about a case"

"I understand, Matt was part of a different team a couple of years ago. With this team he had to go further than with the BAU. Because they had to go out of the US"

"Wow that must be terrifying"

"It was, but we survived it and I dont think anything would break us. I think after Catherine Adam's face off, you will also survive anything"

"I'm agree. I mean Dave isn't that young anymore but this is his life. He loves this job and this unit and I will support him always"

Max smiled at them, that was what she did, she support him and she will keep doing that "I love Spencer and I want what is best for him. Did David and Matt get hurt?"

"Oh yes honey" said Krystall "David got shot, broke bones, got a little PTSD after Everett Lynch's attack. And I couldn't protect him but I can make sure he recovers from that"

"Same with Matt, he had been shot a lot of times, got hurt, broke bones but like Krystall said, we can't protect them. He is mine and our kids hero"

"Dave told me what he thinks its necessary to keep me informed but not to worry. I know there are more stupid things he does but I kept my mouth shut" Kristy laughed.

"Yeah Matt wrote a book with his adventures but I'm pretty sure he didn't add some details so he won't scare us"

"Spencer still didn't share his work life, not even the light events" she looked at them "I know some things he shared, especially after Cat"

"Don't shut him up to much. He will need you and if he knows he can share something to you, he will. You just have to hug him and ease the pain. Matt and I have a plan if something happens to him. I know its may sounds like to much but I learned that this job is a huge responsibility and they risk their lives for us"

Max nodded and sighs "don't be scared Max, is a cold headed man. I would be more worried about Dave" said Krystall making both women laugh "trust him"

"I do. I did since he helped my nephew when he had a panic attack" she looked at them "it just... I'm so into him that I wouldn't resist if something bad happened"

"You will. That was something I thought myself when Matt told me about what he does for a living" Kristy held her hand "I'm sure when that moment comes you will be ready" Max nodded and smiled at the blonde woman in front of her.

Max wanted to believe her but everytime that thought crossed her mind, her heart skip a beat. Her fingers were into his hair stroking it gently.

After some more minutes she stopped and softly managed to stood up without waking him up.

She headed to the bathroom to take a shower. She was thinking about tonight. Where they will spend the last couple of hours of 2019.

They had a few options one was the Empire State Building where they can enjoy the fireworks, second was Central Park and another was a ferry towards the Statue of Liberty.

She will ask Spencer when he wakes up. When she finished her shower and got dressed.

She put back on his and a fresh underwear. Then Max walked back to the bedroom and Spencer was awake "good morning handsome. Did you sleep well?" She sat next to him.

"Good morning beautiful. Yes it was a great sleep" he smiled and kisses her gently "I will go take a shower, then we can eat and plan what to do tonight"

"Sounds great. I will get out the bread, cheese and butter then you can make coffee"

"Perfect" he smiled and stood up then walked to the bathroom.

Max walked to the kitchen and made some sandwiches for them. Then called her dad.

"Hey dad, how are things going?"

"Great, Michelle planned a barbecue and we will go there tonight. How is New York?"

"Amazing, Spencer has been a gentleman with me. We were in the museum, then eat pasta in the Little Italy, yesterday we were on tour in Manhattan. Today we want to go somewhere to watch the fireworks but we haven't decided yet"

"I'm happy you found such an amazing guy, sweetheart, you were one of my daughters I was more worry about. Since you and Mike broke up you stopped to trust in people but now with Spencer you seem so happy"

"I am dad" she smiled with some tears "my only worry now is... his job. I know he has been doing this for years but it's so dangerous"

"Darling he will be fine, he is smart and knows what to do if things get bad. Also he has something years ago he doesn't... you. He has a girlfriend now and he will want to stay alive for you"

"Thanks dad" she said cleaning her tears and turns to see that Spencer walked in the room "well dad I will call you tomorrow, have a great celebration. Love you"

"Love you too Max" then they hung up then she waits for him to get ready.

Max looked out the window. They had Central Park in front of them, so maybe it could be a nice spot to watch the fireworks without moving to far.

She was so focused that she did not realized Spencer was behind her until he hugged her.

"So what is in this beautiful head?" He asked looking down at her.

She chuckled "well I'm thinking what we will do tonight, sir"

"And what did you think?"

"We can stay in this area of the city, then goes to the park and watch the fireworks then return home. How does it sound?"

"Sounds great, I like that plan" he looked at her as she turned in his arms.

"That's great, and if you have any other idea tell me so we can do something we both want"

"I didn't have ideas. So I like yours" she laughed and wrapped her arms around him.

"Ok then. That's what we will do" she stood on her tiptoes and kissed him softly "let's go to the kitchen and make coffee kind sir"

He laughed and walked to the kitchen. She followed him to toast the sandwiches.

Then they both ate and drank coffee watching an old Christmas movie on TV.

"Spencer" he looked at her "do you want tonight's dinner here or out?"

"Here could be nice. Why?"

"Because I can cook it for us. Something my mom always did for New Year's eve"

"Ok I would like it but do you have all ingredients?"

"I bought them some days ago. I was thinking of doing it some other day but since we both decided to stay here, then I can make it"

"Ok need any help?" She shook her head.

"No I want it to be a surprise" he raises his eyebrow "go read books or check out the parks for good spots"

"Max..."

"Just do it, ok? Trust me"

He just nodded "ok I will go to check the park. If you need something just call me, ok?" She nodded "good" he stood up and walked into de bedroom to put on his shoes.

Meanwhile Max walked to the kitchen to start to cook. She gets out some ingredients and turned on the stove.

She watched as Spencer walked away "see you later honey" she said smiling at him. He just smiled and left the apartment.

Then she started to cook. She was making lasagna. Her mom used to make it every year because it was a family tradition.

Her mom has Italian heritage so they liked to cook that kind of food. Michelle and herself learned dishes from her.

When Spencer arrived she finished the ground meat and the white sauce, now she was cooking the pasta.

"Hey Max, I checked the Central Park. Close to the monument to John Lennon the have chairs to watch the fireworks show. By the way, did you know that his murderer was a huge fan of the band but got mad when Lennon compared the Beatles with Jesus? That must be his trigger" he said fast as he walked in the kitchen.

"Spence I love you but those aren't the kind of facts I like to hear"

"Sorry" he looked down ashamed.

"It's ok" she patted his chest softly "is it free?"

"Yes, so we will need to go early to find seats"

"Ok I'm almost done here and the dish I'm making just need to get in the oven to grill the cheese"

"Ok, do you want me to buy something else?"

"Is there wine?"

"Yes so don't worry. As I said I bought everything. I used my credit card plus my last payment of December to pay it"

"Ok" he smiled at her "you could ask me to pay it"

"No, it was my surprise to you" she smiled and hugged him.

He hugged her back and then she returned to cook.

When the night arrived they both ate and shared some wine. They decided to take down the champagne and two glasses to celebrate the New Year with a it.

They put on their jackets and went down to the park. He led the way to the place the celebration was. There were some free spots so they got one of those. There were tables and seats.

They gave them some hot chocolate and put music on. The night was fun, they met new people. At midnight they all wished a Happy New Year, the couples kiss and the fireworks show started.

After that the rest of their time in New York was relaxed. They visited museums. Spencer threw lot of facts when they visited the American Natural History Museum and the New York Zoo.

They returned to DC on January Third, ready to started a new year.

OOooOOooOO

Hope you liked it. This one was hard to write, don't know why but here it is.

The next one will have a time jump to episode 9 of the show. Maybe some days after episode 8.

I have some plans for it and I hope that work out.

We will read soon. Stay at home and be safe.

[sambergscott]

he makes me laugh

two fics in one day?! who am i

Atlas Peralta is four months, two days and eight hours old when he laughs for the first time.

Even before they debated whether they should have children, Jake loved watching baby videos. He loved watching Sharon’s Facebook lives of Cagney and Lacey learning to walk for the first time, the eight million videos Charles would text him of Nikolaj eating weird Latvian delicacies and the videos of all his new nieces and nephews (except Mason, who vomited on Jake the first time he held him, the little jerk). His favourites were of babies laughing though. Throughout Amy’s pregnancy, Jake would watch videos of baby’s laughing to get him through the morning sickness and crying at the bank and watching his wife in pain. He couldn’t wait to make his kid laugh, sure that Baby Peralta would kick all the other YouTube babies’ diapered butts.

According to his wife’s binders detailing every month of their newborn’s first year, babies usually start laughing at around three months old which Jake disputes because (a) their baby is way better than all the other stupid babies and (b) he’s freaking hilarious and there’s no way it’s going to take him three whole months to make this kid laugh.

Mission Make Atlas Laugh is ago from pretty much day one.

He tries funny faces, title of your sex tape jokes, tickling his tiny baby feet, but nothing. Like his Grandpa Holt, Atlas has mastered the art of the poker face.

When he can’t sleep during his second week home, Jake takes him into the living room (he’s been fed and Amy deserves the rest) and they hang out on the sofa, Jake quietly watching one of John Mulaney’s Netflix specials in the background. When Atlas doesn’t even crack a smile at the “one black coffee” bit, Jake realises that getting him to laugh is going to be harder than he thought.

Inevitably, it becomes a bet between Jake and Amy as to who can make him laugh first and the whole squad gets involved.

Holt tells one of his hilarious jokes that Kevin apparently loves and is most confused when neither Jake, Amy or Atlas find it funny.

Charles thinks he might be a fan of the devil sticks, but no dice.

Rosa tries to stare him down until he breaks, except she’s the one who ends up laughing when the two month old stares straight back at her, not even a hint of amusement in his eyes.

Hitchcock and Scully aren’t involved but he doesn’t even laugh when Amy takes him to visit Jake in the precinct one day and Scully somehow spills his whole bowl of spaghetti over his vest. Hitchcock, of course, unbuttons his shirt and offers it to Scully, at which point Amy covers little Atlas’ eyes and decides to take him home because there’s no way he needs to see that.

All seven of Amy’s brothers try to no avail.

Roger tries over Facetime while Jake holds his breath, genuinely afraid his garbage dad will be the first to make his son laugh, but thankfully Atlas is as unimpressed with Roger’s regional airline-themed jokes as Jake is.

At one point, Jake considers taking him to the paediatrician because “there must be something wrong with him, Ames!”

“There’s nothing wrong with him,” Amy says defensively, holding him tighter. “We’ve just got to up our comedy game.”

“First of all, I have no need to up my game because I’m already hilarious and second, he’s kind of hurting my feelings. We’ve passed the three month mark and he still hasn’t even smiled at us. What if our son’s a sociopath, Ames?!”

She rolls her eyes at his high pitched, freaking out voice. “Our son is not a sociopath.”

“He could be,” Jake insists. “Maybe all the time we’ve spent around murderers has made their creepy energy absorb into your uterus.”

“That is the dumbest thing you’ve ever said,” she responds, standing up. “I’m going to put him down for a nap. When I come back, you better have a glass of wine ready and not be comparing our precious baby boy to murderers.”

“Gotcha,” he grins, kissing Atlas’ head of dark, curly hair.

At four months old, things get serious. After reading his bedtime story, Jake decides to have a one-on-one guy chat with his son.

“Listen, man, you know I love you more than anything,” he starts, Atlas gripping his pinky finger, “but I’ve been waiting a long ol’ time to hear you laugh. It’s kind of really important to me. I know you’re stubborn — you get that from me and your mom — and you’re gonna hit milestones at your own rate, I just want to hear that laugh. I’m sure it will be as cute as the rest of you. And, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but me and your mom are kind of competitive and we have a little bet going as to who can make you laugh first. Since she won the bet that you’d be a boy and she guessed your birthday correctly, I’d really appreciate it if you could give me this one.”

Atlas blinks back at him, giving away absolutely no indicators as to whether he’s going to help his old man out.

“Let him sleep, Peralta,” Amy whispers from the door to his nursery.

“How much of that did you hear?” He asks, putting their son back into his crib and padding over to his wife.

“The part where you tried to convince our son to conspire against me.”

He grins back at her. “Hey, you and I both know he’s a total mommy’s boy. I bet he’ll laugh at something you do tomorrow just to get back at me.”

“Come on, honey, let’s go to bed.” She grabs his hand and leads him to their bedroom, laughing when he makes a terrible sex tape joke.

“At least I can make someone in this family laugh,” he quips.

Atlas Peralta is four months, two days and eight hours old when he laughs for the first time.

Jake is at work and Amy is doing everything she can to win their bet while he’s not around. It’s when she’s scrolling through her pictures of the first four months of Atlas’ life while drinking a cup of tea that she gets an idea.

She pulls up the selfie she took in Jake’s bedroom of him with a nose ring. It’s one of her favourite pictures, was even her lockscreen at one point much to her boyfriend’s (at the time) disdain. She hopes Atlas finds it as funny as she does. She presses record on her phone because her husband would be heartbroken if he missed this moment and turns her laptop towards Atlas in his high chair.

His lips quirk ever so slightly and Amy feels like jumping for joy. Then he starts full on laughing and it’s truly the best sound she’s ever heard. She immediately texts Jake the video with a triumphant caption about winning their bet again and a million heart eyes.

Jake Facetimes her straight away, his eyes wet with tears despite sitting in the middle of a busy police precinct. “I finally got the video, babe.”

“You made our son laugh,” Amy says, equally emotional. “Like mother, like son.”

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #340

“wash the poison from off my skin  /  show me how to be whole again”

What is one thing that you took to show and tell as a kid? I have this oddly specific memory of bringing my little Snorlax plushie for one in pre-k. I remember thinking everyone thought I was weird for liking Pokemon as a girl. Do you remember losing your first tooth? I don't. Have you ever been addicted to a game? What game? I think I was addicted to World of Warcraft at a point, but it's honestly hard to tell. My depression was just so abysmal that it was the one thing I got even a smidge of not even joy, but active distraction out of because the options of what you can do in the game are essentially limitless. Are you afraid to pop a balloon? Not really, but it does make me jump because I don't like loud noises. Name one person you’d like to see this month. Bitch we fighting Covid, stay away from me. When was the last time you laughed when you shouldn’t have? I don’t know. Which was better: the first The Lion King or the second? They're nearly tied, honestly, but I prefer the original. Do any of your grandparents have a tattoo? I KNOW my maternal grandmother didn't, and I don't believe any other grandparent did, either. When was the last time you had a bubble bath? Not since I was a kid. What do you usually buy when you go to the corner store? You mean like, a gas station or dollar store? Something small like that? In that case, I'll usually look for a Mountain Dew Voltage sometimes along with something Reese's-related. Do you believe that your pets feel love towards you? My cat, absofuckinglutely. He so obviously loves me. I know my snake doesn't though, considering reptilian brains just physically aren't capable of creating that emotion. She does, however, obviously trust me and definitely seems to enjoy coming out of her terrarium and thus hanging out by me. Bubbles or sidewalk chalk? I loved drawing with chalk, but I like bubbles more. I just love how they catch light and have such beautiful colors to share. What do you use to tell time when your gone out somewhere? My phone. Are you proud of your body? FUCK no. I wish I still was, goddammit. I used to be so fit, and it's funny, because even back then at like, 118 lbs at 5'4'', I thought I was kinda chubby. Like bitch shut the fuck up. Watermelon or cherries? I honestly don't like either, but I'll definitely pick watermelon over cherries. They're disgusting. What is your all-time favourite song? "False Flags" by Massive Attack. Have you ever had a crush on a fictional character? Biiiiiitch guess lmao. I think everyone has, though. What is the band you’ve listened to most lately? Definitely 3TEETH. Love 'em. Favourite brand of cookies? Hm, good question. They've gotta be good at making SOFT chocolate chip cookies, though. I don't enjoy crunchy cookies nearly as much. If you could meet anyone who lived before your time, who would it be? I don't really know. Oh, y'know, chatting with Edgar Allan Poe would probably be cool. Do you pay for your own things? I literally can't. It's embarrassing. Have you ever been rushed to the hospital in an ambulance? No. What is one thing you’d never want your parents to find out? Certain sexual things I've done, probably. When you were little, did you like Dr. Suess books? Of course. Have you ever felt trapped in a relationship? I felt that way in my friendship with Colleen, but no romantic relationships. What would you consider unforgivable? Rape. Like no, go to hell. Do you like eating out at restaurants? Pre-Covid, yeah. What do you dislike the most about being the gender that you are? Probably how heavily judged women are for having ANYTHING "wrong" with their appearance. You could be five pounds over what is "normal" for your height and you're seen as fat. One strand of body hair, and you're disgusting. Bushy eyebrows, you're now manly. I could go on and on. Do you think that weed/marijuana should be legalized? Yes. Rate your typing speed on a scale from 1 - 10? 10. Do you enjoy tanning? Ugh, no. Just sitting there doing nothing but sweating. Have you ever written anybody an anonymous note? I have not. What is your favorite condiment to go with french fries? Ketchup. Have you ever laid in a hammock? Yeah; we used to have one. It was the best when we lived in the woods. Do you blow dry your hair or do you let it air out? I just let it air dry. Candles or incense? I prefer incense. Can you juggle? No. Your favorite vegetable? Broccoli. Do you catch lizards? No; I don't like terrifying wildlife. I'd much rather just take pictures of the little guys and let them go about their business. If we returned to a world without internet, what aspect of online life would you miss the most? YouTube, haha. It's more unique and personal entertainment than television, imo. Are you craving anything aside from food, and if so, what? I want a new piercinggggg. What was the last change you made to your lifestyle? I'm *trying* to get back into regularly making art, along with reading. I'm also really trying to implement drinking more water into my day. What was the last thing you gave up doing? *shrug* What was the last thing to boost your self-esteem? What sort of things typically make you feel good about yourself? It really, really helped to hear my PHP group enjoy my poem about gay rights so much. I was so terrified and did NOT want my therapist to share it, but it turned out being very beneficial. To answer the second question, it's pretty much stuff like I just mentioned: positive reactions to things I create. When it comes to food, do you prefer crunchy or softer textures? Definitely softer. Do you prefer savory or sweet things for breakfast? Hm. Depends on the day, ig. What is something small that you take extremely personally? I'm blanking. What was going on the last time you couldn’t sleep? I just... couldn't sleep. That's not rare for me. Have you drawn anything recently? I recently drew a picture of a still from Rammstein's "Mutter" music video, and I'm now working on Sara's 'kat Alucard. If you're going somewhere close by, do you walk? No. One simply does not walk in this town and not fear being shot. Do you prefer colorful notebooks over plain ones? I like colorful ones, particularly those with a nice pattern or something on it. What's your most ambitious goal? I'd consider wanting to be a successful freelance photographer to be rather ambitious. Do you know anyone named Alex? Well, knew, by this point. One of my closest online friends that just got a boyfriend and fell off the face of the planet when we used to talk every day. I'm still hurt about it, honestly. What's your favorite kind of pie? I don't like pie because of the crust being so, well... crusty and crumbly. Have you ever chatted someone up and scored a date? No. How far would you go with someone you just met? Not very far at all. All you're getting is a hug, if even that. What's your favorite meal to have for dinner? I mean, it depends on what I feel like having. I don't have a set favorite meal. What do you daydream about? The future, mostly. People I miss. Have you ever known someone online and then met them in person? If so, which website did you meet on? Yes, Sara. <3 We met via YouTube back when it had much more social connection. Have you ever been to the beach? Yeah, a good number of times. When was the last time you were sick and what illness did you have? I don't believe I've been ill in any sort of way since I had that ungodly ear infection a few years ago. Have you ever been kicked out of somewhere? Yeah, Colleen's house. Mom once tried kicking me out of the car one night otw home, but I didn't listen. Have you ever intentionally trolled? No. How many siblings do your parents have? Mom has two brothers and I think one sister, and Dad has one sister. Who last held your hand? My niece or nephew, dragging me somewhere, haha. Have you seen all the Lord of the Rings movies? No, not interested. What was the last thing you watched on YouTube? I'm watching John Wolfe's playthrough of Amnesia: A Machine for Pigs. It's so funny how like... every let's player I watch doesn't enjoy the game, like they miss the incredible symbolism and shy away from the advanced language, and sometimes it's just frustrating to watch them; I only do because I enjoy the game and want to see more people experience it and relive it vicariously. It's very high on my list of favorite games. What sport do you find yourself best at? I wouldn't know; I haven't played any sports in years. I was pretty good at softball as a kid, though. Do you think makeup on guys is freaky or sexy? My opinion shouldn't matter; a man can wear makeup whenever he damn well pleases without worrying what others think. But anyway, I tend to find it attractive, especially if it's goth makeup. Have you ever been accused of a crime you did not commit? No. Do you like pickles? I love dill pickles. What was the craziest moment of your life? Probably just lying in that hospital bed following my OD, my mom and two best friends just sitting there with me. It was such a weird, weird feeling. Like I was just so done, frustrated beyond what I can say. I remember thinking it was almost funny, just how it all built up and went wrong. Where do you spend most of your time? In my room on my bed. What is your favorite muffin? Chocolate chip. Would you ever get a boob job? I already know when/if I lose the weight I want to, it will be kind of a big deal to me and my atrocious body image to get a breast lift. Being overweight ~does things~ you know, and god knows I want every trace of it that can be erased gone. Would you ever go on a reality TV dating show? That's a massive "no" from me, buddy. Would you rather be inside or outside? It depends on where I am and the temperature outside, but generally, inside. Do you like the current president? Well, I voted for him, so I can't shit-talk much. I don't know the true depths of him as a person and all he stands for, though; when I decided I needed to vote, I just did some research on his core values. I don't have any complaints yet, from what I've seen at least, which isn't a lot. Do you whiten your teeth? I've used whitening strips before, but I don't now because they're not that effective. If it's financially plausible at some point in my life, teeth whitening is another thing I want to have medically done because of my previous horrible self-care. My teeth have a clear yellow tint and I hate it. Do you get cold easily? No; it's actually the opposite: I get hot easily. What was the worst sickness you ever had? Probably this one stomach bug I had where I just threw up relentlessly. Like eventually barely even bile would come up; it was just dry heaving. My stomach muscles were in agony. Was your childhood wasted by something? No, thankfully. Would you rather die during an adventure or die like a normal person? A normal person. The idea of having such a sudden death stresses me out for multiple reasons; I mostly don't want my family to just be suddenly devastated, and I honestly want to come to peace with the fact I was dying. Like, find my life's own closure instead of just having it ripped away. Have your parents ever tried to commit suicide? Jesus, I sure hope not. Do you have a gag reflex? A very strong one. Do you ever fantasize about trying drugs? I've wondered before what the effects of weed would be like for me, but "fantasize" is definitely the wrong word. Would you rather have sex before you’re married or wait till marriage? It'd be up to my partner, honestly, because I'm fine with either. What is the nastiest dare you have ever committed? I never did dares because I thought they were stupid. Like I'm not gonna do dumb shit just to show you I can. Do you know anyone who has been raped? I think I might? Have you ever asked someone for a tampon? Yeah. Do you have any exes you can’t stand anymore? No. Are you more of a phone or a computer person? Computer. Do you prefer headphones or earbuds? Earbuds. Headphones are just big and clunky and in the way when you use a laptop in bed, plus they irritate my skin. I like how earbuds actually go in your ears for more direct hearing. Would you ever consider adopting a child with a severe mental illness? If I wanted children, no, because I don't think I'm capable to give a child like that adequate care, being so mentally ill myself. I wouldn't want to risk worsening their condition. Favorite thing to do with a significant other? Play games together, particularly cute multiplayer ones that are more about the experience of playing together versus getting past difficult obstacles and such. Like for example, one of my favorite memories with Jason is simply playing Little Big Planet together. Favorite ice cream topping? I don't like many toppings on my ice cream, but I do love melted hot fudge. First boyfriend/girlfriend’s name? Aaron. Do you support PETA? Considering they are incredibly self-righteous extremists, no. Do you believe in the Big Bang Theory? Well, I believe in some sort of "god" figure that created the universe, so I don't think so. A condensed ball of nothing exploding to create something so extravagant? It sounds pretty far-fetched to me. But then again, maybe that semblance of a "god" I believe in created the universe through that, idk. It doesn't really matter now, though, does it. What happened happened, I'm not very concerned with it. What insect can you not stand the site of? It's more so larvae that I can't stand the sight of, like maggots and stuff. They make me squirm. Do you like Doctor Who? I've only seen one or two episodes, so I can't say. Do you approve of gay marriage? Of course I do. I'm bisexual and would like to get married, so I might marry a woman. Are you into politics? I'm really not. Do you think the world is ending soon? Nah, even though it sure does feel like it sometimes. Ever been to a mosh pit? No, they don't seem very fun at all. Do you like to debate? NO. NO NO NO. Do you like the band System of a Down? Yeah, I do. Are you German? It's a big part of my heritage. Do your parents like your best friend? Yes. Who’s someone you can act your complete self around? Sara, 100%. She's the only person I feel entirely comfortable around when it comes to being myself. Do you believe in Friday the 13th? I don't believe in there being any supernatural power to it, no. Who is your favorite rapper? Eminem. What age is your youngest aunt? Uhhhh I have no idea. Do you like bowling? Sure, it's fun. Do you like roasting marshmallows on a bonfire? I do. What shows or characters scared you as a child? Ghostface from the Scream series was my worst fucking nightmare. I couldn't even see pictures of him without crying. The King Ramses guy from Courage the Cowardly Dog also gave me a number of nightmares. Something about the way he was animated was very unnatural and unnerving to me.

[kyemeruthie]

Self-love

Not much work to do inside the office, so after sweeping PJO in a week, Umbrella Academy the next, we did 3 movies this time. Wow. Bad employee. Tsk. Still reviewing them here. Hahaha

Booksmart (2019) : 5/5 stars

Olivia Wilde’s coming-of-age film would definitely be a classic with cult following. News says that Booksmart did not hit much attention from moviegoers, partly because it was released during weekends near John Wick 3, Aladdin, and all the other storied movie franchises. Sad. Anyway, I love this film. I was just laughing the whole time. It’s a beautiful story of friendship and getting to know yourself and the people around you, of asserting your independence, and of the best memories to remember later on. Molly and Amy are best friends, straight-A students, ready to graduate and proceed to Ivy League universities. But when they learned that their seemingly lazy, jock classmates would go to the best schools too, one of them employed by Google, they start to question their life choices. Molly mostly, Amy’s quite cool but still anxious about a lot of things. Anyway, they decide to spend the night partying with Nick and his gang before they graduate the next day-- ready to prove everyone that they also have cool social lives. The rest is funny and revelatory ride towards their graduation day.

We can all relate to Booksmart’s plot one way or another. I personally see myself as a mix of Molly and Amy -- less obnoxious but tries to be as outgoing as Molly, more introverted and willing to explore the world like Amy. And then some of my friends from the mix of students featured in the film. But what’s more beautiful and intelligent about the film is that the stereotypical HS kids we know cannot be placed in neat boxes as we want them to be. People can be both skaters and scholars too; girls with more provocative personalities and more assertive of their sexuality are also intelligent; jocks read books too; the quiet ones can be loud too. Theater kids would always be theater kids, but with a different kind of drama every now and then. Haha. Breakfast Club, the epitome of HS drama in the 90s gave us five general classification of HS people-- and this movie breaks that. Actually, I remembered High School Musical trilogy also spoke the same message-- people can be whoever they want. They can both play basketball and bake, dance and sing, etc. Booksmart brings the same message across, but also with greater emphasis on what women can do and become: that they shouldn’t be pitted against each other, shouldn’t be labelled sluts when they’re more progressive about the way they dress and approach their sexuality, and that they can helm a movie as awesome as this one.   

***

Dumplin (2018) 4/5 stars

Another film topbilled by women. This time it tackles body and fat shaming, confidence building, and the role of pageants in “empowering” women. Dumplin is based on a book of the same title written by Julie Murphy. I’ve always wanted to read this but Fullybooked may have ran out of paperback copies. I still have to find one. Haha. 

Dumplin tells the story of WIllowdean “Will” Dickson, a self-proclaimed fat girl. Her mom calls her “Dumplin,” which she naturally detests because it reminds her of her physical differences from her mom, who was a former beauty queen. The story then revolves around Will’s quest to prove that fat girls have what it takes to join beauty pageants often reserved for the skinny, tall, and feminine: basically, the conventional definition of beautiful. Other girls join Will’s quest, and soon she finds herself leading an unlikely revolution.

What I like about the movie: the premise of the story, strong acting from the lead and supporting cast, the whole message of the film, and I never thought I’d appreciate Dolly Parton songs. I read reviews and it seems Netflix commissioned all-original DP songs specifically for this film. Wow. Oh, and Bo Larson and his cleft chin. He’s too beautiful. I’m crushing on him because of this movie. Areas where it can improve on? Script basically. It’s full of motherhood statements and quotes from DP songs, but I think we can do more about that. The concept of body shaming needs to be fleshed out further to help audiences understand its consequences. WIll is ok with her body, but there wasn’t much discussion on her issues with her mother relative to her being fat, or how this has changed pageantry. The way I see it, having 2 fat girls and a rocker join the pageant became more of a novelty than an outright rejection of the whole conventional beauty imposed by pageants. Or maybe I’m expecting too much. I just feel that if we take on a serious subject and try to use humor as a means to comfortably discuss it; then we should fully use the platform to flesh out important issues that need to be addressed or understood by a larger audience. That way, we took every means possible to get our advocacy across; instead of half-heartedly putting them forward.

***

To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before (2018) : 5/5 stars

Our last film for review. Helmed by a female lead and based on a YA romance novel written by Jenny Han. I purposefully did not read the book; maybe because that time I felt it would be too cheesy for my taste. The film wasn’t, so maybe I’d give the book a chance. Hahaha.

In the film, Lara Jean writes secret love letters to guys who made an impact on her lovelife, places them on addressed envelopes, then tucks them in a box hidden in her closet. She’s introverted, having trouble fitting in with most groups, but enjoys the company of her sisters and is generally happy with her student life. It takes a sudden turn when the letters suddenly were delivered to their owners-- Josh, her sister’s boyfriend and her bestfriend; Peter, the guy she kissed during middle school; another from model UN; Lucas, whom she danced with during freshman year and admits to being gay; and another former crush. This puts LJ in a twist, particularly on Josh. The story moves along Lara Jean’s decisions to get over the mess she’s in and return to being invisible.

It’s a classic romcom, lines are witty, the whole story is funny and good. It doesn’t end up contrived and too cheesy; just the right amount of cute. Recommended if you’d want to watch something that’ll not push you to think too much. I like that it balanced the story between Lara Jean’s guy problems, and her overall relationship with her family. It also put into perspective that no matter how embarassing things would turn out to be, the best way out would always be confronting them head on. Family are good sidekicks; but also trustworthy friends; and a healthy dose of courage and self-confidence. Lastly, Asia represent!

***

If you’re looking for something to watch over the weekend, you can watch these. Great also for Independence Day, because you know, they celebrate women’s independence and empowerment in different ways. Haha. Enjoy!

[keepseaveyweird]

I Guess I Just Feel Like~ C.B

Word count: 2804

A/N: Not gonna lie, I think this may be my best one so far ;) I was inspired by John Mayer’s new song I Guess I Just Feel like so if you wanna feel all the good vibes and feel sad at the same time, go listen to it it’s super good! Please tell me what you like/ didn’t like, I really wanna improve as a writer cause I’m still new at the whole creative writing thing. I can bust out a 10 page argumentative essay like no other but I struggle when it comes to this stuff lol. But I’d love feedback! love you guys <3

The road was steep, so steep in fact that she could hear her car struggling every now and then to gun it. The Hollywood hills were a bitch, made for the famous who could afford cars good enough to get to their house, not for her hand-me-down Civic that was bound to explode at any given time. But she made it. And at the top, she found his car empty in a park and him not far away, perched on a picnic bench with his guitar and his back to her. Parking next to him and watching him for a few moments put her into a trance, because he was so in his in own element, so Corbyn; something she hadn’t witnessed in what felt like a lifetime. The way he strummed and moved his fingers up and down the neck of the guitar, the way he would close his eyes and bob his head when he got really into whatever it was he was playing. The way he’d take a moment every couple minutes to stop, look up and appreciate the view. The way she could just tell that his mind was running a million miles an hour, and nothing in the world could stop it.

So she didn’t, she sat behind the wheel, music quietly playing over the speakers and watched him. She watched and watched and waited for Corbyn’s head to stop spinning so much, because she knew there was a lot up there, knew that he didn’t like to talk about his thoughts. But he was strong and he could conquer anything, but she wasn’t quite sure, with how he had been acting, if he could push through this one.

Suddenly, Corbyn laid his guitar beside him on the picnic table and placed his elbows and his knees, his face in his palms as he continued to think. She exited the car and slowly made her way to the bench.

It was spring and the air was chillier than usual and the trees, bushes and flowers were in full bloom. Birds chirped and people rode by on bikes and skateboards and walked their dogs or were taking their kids home from the playground that was just a short stroll away. The area around them was loud, but the problem was Corbyn’s silence was even louder, because he was never silent. He joked and he sang and he would dance along with his band mates and sing along with her in the car, he was constantly uploading Instagram stories and Tweeting, responding to fans and loving life. And she wasn’t really sure when that all changed.

She approached Corbyn, though still behind him, he could tell she was there, could feel her whenever she was around. He could feel her concern and her worries and her heartache, because she didn’t know what to do, didn’t know what was going on and it was a first for the both of them. Because the two had been friends since diapers and they shared everything, and when friendship turned into more after high school graduation, there was no way in hell anyone could have been closer than Corbyn and her were. They were one, Corbyn and y/n, y/n and Corbyn. Always associated with one another, always a package deal. 

“I’m sorry,” He told her, not turning around. He continued to look out past the hills and at the city. The sun was beginning to set and golden hour was in full force. The skyscrapers gleamed against the sunshine and the lights on Santa Monica Pier were on, and beginning to sparkle just a bit to show the craziness that would presume once the sun had hidden itself behind the horizon.

She found a spot next to him, his guitar in the middle, “you don’t need to be sorry, you have nothing to be sorry for,” she told him, staring out into Los Angeles with him.

The silence remained until the sun had fallen behind the skyscrapers and the sky began to look more like cotton candy with every second.

“Do you ever miss home?” Corbyn asked her, glancing away from the city and to her.

“Yeah, every now and then. Sometimes I wish my mom was with me to help do the dishes, or that dad was here to repair my car. But I also know that I have a home here, that home being you,” she said, a small smile on her face as she stared down to her worn out sandals.

He chuckled a bit, diving back into his own thoughts, “funny how that turned out isn’t,” he said, mostly to himself, returning his attention back to the skyline.

“What do you mean by that?”

“I mean I’m never even home. I’m always on tour or in the studio or filming something with the boys. You moved out here to be with me, and I feel like I barely see you and I’m sorry.” He told her, putting his head down a bit.

“Corbyn you have nothing to be sorry for, I knew what I was getting into, I knew you were going to be gone. I knew because I knew you could make it, could see the talent in you and the boys and wanted to be physically here to support you.” She told him, a hand on his thigh.

“I know, I know and I love you for that. Really y/n I do.” He said, “I don’t know I guess I just got a lot on my mind.”

“Then talk to me.” And with that, she could see his head go back into overdrive, finding the words that he needed to express how he feels. A couple minutes go by and by then, the sky was a deep fiery orange with white wisps of clouds.

“I just don’t feel like myself. Like I’m lying to everyone, well not lying, but that’s basically what it is. I feel like I can’t be myself because I have to worry about what the press will say or what my manager wants or I can’t cuss in interviews or when I meet a fan ‘cause my publicist says it’s bad publicity. I feel like I’m two different people and my alter ego just comes out when the cameras turn on. And I’m kind of tired you know? Thinking about every move you make and every word you say is exhausting, and sometimes I just want to run back home to my mom who will tell me I did good and just go to college and find a normal job. I want to go back home because I miss my mom,  and my dad and my sister and all our friends. I miss our favorite hiking trail and walking your dog who poops literally every two minutes and we’d be annoyed but it was also the highlight of my day. I miss seeing all our old friends from high school, hell I fucking miss school, which I never thought I’d ever say. I just see them killing it over at college and wonder if I’m missing out y’know?” Corbyn’s words were fast, and not thought out, but it was Corbyn’s mind and his mind was just exploding from being constrained for so long. He took a minute to think again to find the words he hadn’t come up with.

But y/n didn’t talk, she just continued to look between her boyfriend’s face and the city that she hadn’t realized brought him so much pain.

“I mean, I used to daydream about being here in LA, doing what I’m doing. Playing arenas and selling out tours and releasing music. I dreamt about making it big and being able to afford a big, luxurious house for the two of us, and I have, I’ve made it but I don’t even get to enjoy it with you. I’m never even home, I’m on tour or I’m in the studio writing and recording. If it’s not that it’s a photoshoot with the boys or shooting a music video for our next single. I don’t get to live in the house I’ve, and you’ve, worked so hard for and it’s frustrating. And I sound like the biggest idiot, sound like the biggest crybaby I’ve ever heard. I mean there’s people living on the streets down there, families who don’t have food. Fucking Flint, Michigan still doesn’t have clean water and villages in Africa don’t even have water or are living in a war zone and I’m here complaining because I can’t spend more time in my fucking house. I’m sitting here complaining over stupid things because I miss my girlfriend. Because I miss you, I miss you so much. I see you at night when I come home, we go to sleep and then I wake up before you and leave again. It’s not fair to you, hell it’s not fair to me.” He took a deep breath, his head falling between his knees. She thought he was going to cry, but he didn’t, he kept himself composed.

“Corbyn, it’s okay, I understand and I’m not mad-” she tried to tell him, but she was cut off. Suddenly Corbyn stood up from the picnic table and started pacing back and forth.

“I know that you’re okay with it and that’s the problem. Because y/n, you’re so patient with me, so kind and loving and forgiving. And I’m terrified I’m abusing those beautiful, those amazing qualities about you. I’m terrified that one day you’re going to get tired of waiting for me to come home and waking up alone. Because one day you’re bound to get tired of living alone in such a big city and you’re going to pack your bags and move back home to Virginia. And the problem is I wouldn’t blame you, because I wouldn’t put up with me either, because I’m never there. I wouldn’t blame you if you went back to Fairfax and found another man who was actually present and made you happy. I wouldn’t be mad that you would’ve moved on, but I’ll always be hung up on you because I don’t have time to find anyone else. It will literally always be you” He sat back down and the bench, still not done with emptying his brain.

“I just wish I was around more, wish I could enjoy what we have, what we’ve made together more. But I love my job, and I love my bandmates, my brothers and I love you so much and I don’t know what side to choose. Because this city gives you an expiration date, people only last so long in the music industry before falling down the inevitable rabbit hole, and we’ve only barely started. I mean Why Don’t We is still young, not even three years old yet, and we’re doing so good. So so so so so good and it’s exciting because the boys and I have worked so hard to get to this place. But these last two years have felt like a lifetime and I’m tired and I know you’re tired, and to be honest, I don’t know if I can last until the bands expiration date, because we’re growing so fast our date seems to be getting further and further every day. I guess I just feel like… like I’m reaching my breaking point.” Corbyn ended his rant, his tangent and he was breathless.

And y/n was at a loss of words, because she knew there was a lot up there in that big brain of his, but not that much. She didn’t realize he had so much fear in him, so much loneliness and fatigue.

By now the sky was a dark purple and rim between the sky and the sea was a dark, deep red, about to disperse into blue and purple as well.

“Can I tell you what I think?” y/n asked. Corbyn nodded his head, looking out into the city once more as the lights began to sparkle and the Pier was in full swing with the ferris wheel and colorful blinking lights. The Hollywood Sign, shined white as a reminder to what the city has provided for not just them, but for everyone who lives within it. 

“I think that your thoughts are completely valid, I think that you have every right to think that way. But I also believe that you think too much, that you get into your own head. There is no reason you should be jealous of our friends back home who drink every weekend and spend the next five nights studying for a stupid midterm. Because having a real job sucks all the creativity from your soul, and your soul is one of the most colorful ones I have ever seen. Corbyn you were born to do what you do, born to sing and dance and perform and make everyone around you happy and a better person. All five of you were destined to be here in this city, with this lifestyle. And I know it’s hard work and I know you’re tired, but I’m sitting here on the sidelines, listening to what people are saying, what people are posting, watching you guys work your asses off everyday, and it’s worth it. Because you guys are smashing it and are so close to becoming the next One Direction or BackStreet Boys or the fucking Beatles for Christ’s sake. But you can’t stop now, it isn’t your time, right now it’s your time to conquer the world, and if you think I won’t be there every step of the way you’re delusional. If you think I’d run back home to some hillbilly who peaked in high school your insane, because just like you said, Corbyn, you’re it for me too. We’ve been best friends since our moms used the same changing table together to change our diapers, and if you think that’ll ever change you’re wrong, you’re so so so so wrong.” She grabbed his face and laid kisses everywhere.

“And I miss you too, I miss you so much when you’re on tour or when you’re in the studio, but you know what I tell myself?” Corbyn shook his head, “I tell myself that I don’t need you by my side every waking hour of the day. Though it’d be nice, I know that you’re thinking about me just as much as I’m thinking about you. Our relationship is different y’know? We don’t need to speak everyday, we don’t need to constantly check up on each other, because it’s us and our love is strong enough to bare the silence, bare the space between us. And I know at the end of the day, when you’re home or whether you’re in the middle of Asia, we go to bed loving one another and waking up with the same love in our hearts. Don’t give up Corbs, this is your time, you’ve made it so far and I’m so proud. I know you’re tired and you miss your family and I know there’s nothing we can do about it, but we’ll miss them together. The next break you have, we’ll be on the next flight home to Virginia, and we’ll walk my gross, poopy dog and we’ll hike to the top of our favorite mountain and binge eat your mom’s pasta because man that shit is good.”

Corbyn laughed, a smile broke out into his face and the beautiful noises left his mouth, “she does make some kick-ass Alfredo doesn’t she?” He said.

“Damn right she does,” y/n laughed, “and we’ll even take a trip to University of Virginia one weekend and we’ll party all night so you can understand that you’re not missing out on anything. Because all those students want to be in the position you are in right now. And we’ll donate to charities for the poor and for the third world countries so you don’t have to feel bad about the successes you’ve made for yourself. Because Corbyn, you deserve every single success that you have been blessed with and do not ever second guess yourself.”

Corbyn looked at her, amazed by her words and the confidence behind them. Amazed because he truly did have it all, all stuffed inside of one girl. All of his doubt had completely vanished, and he had never felt better about where he was then in that moment.

He couldn’t help but crack the biggest smile the world has ever seen as he cupped her face and connected their lips, as he instantly felt a sense of home. A moment passed when he pulled away and looked deep into her eyes to see nothing but love and admiration.

“I love you so much y/n y/l/n, you don’t even know the half of it,” he told you.

“I love you too Corbyn Besson, and I plan to tell you that everyday,” She smiled as he picked up his guitar and began strumming, nothing but his singing and the lights of the city of dreams to focus on.

[scornedlove]

Chapter Twenty-Four

ROBYN

“Shit!” I exclaimed jolting awake. The sunlight shining on my face pulled me from my deep slumber. I sat up and my head immediately began to pound. Where the fuck am I? I wondered as bits and pieces of last night came back. Then I noticed the mirror covering the wall in front of the bed and my jaw dropped. I was at Aundre’s, naked in his bed. I looked around and noticed an envelope on his bed stand with a note scribbled on it.

Went to work. Call me when you wake up. -Dre.

“What the fuck is wrong with me?” I groaned falling back into the plush comforters. I couldn’t remember how I got here and wanted to slap myself for being so stupid and bringing Dre into my mess. Suddenly, a sharp pain shot through my abdomen and my full bladder began to get weak. I jumped up so fast, I stumbled my toe into the corner of his nightstand as I ran to the bathroom. I made it to the toilet in time, but the moment I flushed it, a wave of nausea rushed over me. I tried to make it to the sink, but threw up all over his marble floors instead.

By the time I’d finished cleaning his bathroom, making his bed, and finding my shoes, it was almost one o’clock. Of course, it would be the day I had a hair appointment. I didn’t care how vain I came across as, I refused to miss my hair appointment. Ursie was booked solid and had a six to eight week waiting period. I needed it done last week and I haven’t had anyone else in my head in years. The last stylist I had left bleach on too long and damaged my hair tremendously. It cost me a lot of time, money, and tears. I couldn’t afford to go through that again.

I searched high and low, but couldn’t find my clothes or phone anywhere. After wasting half an hour, I gave up and called John from the house phone, picked one of Dre’s shirts that could pass as a dress, then took a quick shower. By the time I finished dressing, John was out front smoking a cigarrette. “How’s my favorite island gyal today?” he inquired with a lopsided grin after putting his smoke out on the ground. “Hungover” I grunted, smoothing out my shirt before getting in the backseat. “I told you to simmer down last night” he laughed as he closed the door. I had no idea what he was talking about so the moment he got in the driver seat, I began interrogating him. “What did I do? Did you bring me here? Why didn’t you talk some sense into me?” I quizzed, tossing questions left and right. “Ms. Robyn, it’s my job to mind my business, and I did that while you were smoking a blunt and drinking Moscato from the bottle in my back seat.” he pressed his lips together and took a deep breath through his nose. “But when you started taking shots of whiskey back there, I tried to tell you to simmer down, and you went left on me. You told me to mind my fucking business before you throw that bottle at the back of my head.”

“Oh my God, I’m so sorry. I hope you know I didn’t mean that and I would never do something so horrible!”

“I hope not!” he laughed. “I know you’re going through a lot, but getting drunk is not the answer”

“I know and that won’t happen again. I promise to compensate you for your trouble.” I added as my face burned with embarrassment. I had no cash on me, but definitely felt the need to give him a bonus or something. He didn’t have to deal with that and he still came back for me.

“That’s unnecessary. You’re my favorite client by far, so I’ll let the first one slide” he teased. “Besides, that was nothing. Compared to some of the crazy things I’ve seen, you’re a breath of fresh air.”

“Well, thanks for putting up with me and still getting me to my destination safely. I owe you one” I replied gratefully. I don’t know what I would do without John. He always got me where I needed to be in record time, and today was no different. I arrived at the salon a few minutes early, just as Ursie was collecting payment from the lady before me.

“What are we doing today?” she asked, once I was settled in her chair.

“I don’t know, but I need a drastic change. My life is so full of shit I need something easy and low maintenance. Do whatever, I trust you.” I shrugged.  My head was pounding so hard, that I didn’t care. I knew whatever she did would look great anyway, so I put the ball in her court.

“I can do anything?”

“Yep. Nothing is off limits.”

“See that’s why I love you. You challenge my artistry” she smiled pulling out her clippers.

CHRIS

Why does shit have to be so fucking complicated. I thought to myself as I blew smoke from my mouth. After hearing Robyn’s true feelings yesterday, I felt like shit. I tried calling her multiple times once I made it home, but she never answered. I didn’t know what to say anyway. My heart was heavy and I just wanted to make sure she was okay.

I was worried all night, so I didn’t get any sleep. As much as I still love Robyn, I didn’t have it in me to walk away from Tae. I guess I was being selfish and didn’t even realize the effect it was having on Robyn. I never imagined having to choose between the two, so I couldn’t. It hurt like hell watching her leave my life for good, but her mind was made up.  

On top of that, Mama announced that she was moving to Florida with Richard next month. That’s what the gathering was for. She wanted to spend time with everyone before she moved. The thought of my mom picking up and moving across the country for Richard made my heart skip a beat. Yes, he’s a good guy, but the thought of not having my mom a few minutes away gave me anxiety. 

“You sure you’re okay” Tae asked for the umpteenth time since she woke up an hour ago. Her flight wasn’t until one this afternoon so I took the morning off to spend a little more time with her before she left. After that fiasco with Robyn yesterday, I was a little frustrated. Not with her or Tae, but the circumstances. I wasn’t trying to be the bad guy, but here I was yet again.

“I’m good. Just a little stressed about this art battle coming up” I lied. I did decide to join an art battle this weekend, but that was the least of my worries. I loved a challenge and always had fun with them, but I couldn’t tell her why I was really upset. Especially after we just reconciled.

“You sure it’s not about Mama J moving” she countered with a side eye.

“I won’t front. That shit hit me hard too.”

“So, that’s why you’re on your third blunt this morning. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you smoke so much, especially by yourself.”

“Oh, that ain’t nothing. I used to smoke almost an ounce a day”

“Why would you smoke that much every day?” she asked turning her nose up.

“I was going through a lot of shit”

“What were you going through to make you smoke that much?”

“I lost my scholarship senior year over some bullshit. I thought I told you about that.”  

“You didn’t tell me what happened exactly”  

“It’s a long story”

“I’m listening” she replied, sitting next to me on the couch. She snuggled as close as she could then pulled my arm around her neck, forcing me to put the blunt out and cuddle her. Diamond followed suit, laying her head in Tae’s lap. I’m sure it was because she’s constantly sneaking her snacks, but any time Tae is here, Diamond is attached to her hip. I love how close they are.

“Well as you know, my dad died in the line of duty when I was eleven.” I began after a deep sigh. “When that happened, I went from being the class clown to the quiet kid. I was beyond depressed and there wasn’t a pill I didn’t try to fix it. Trey and I were best friends then, but I even distanced myself from him. 

Fast forward to freshman year, I met this girl named Michele. She was beautiful, smart, and funny. She was the first person to get a real laugh from me in years. She became my best friend; I was closer to her than Trey. We were tight until she started to hang with the wrong crowds and experimenting with drugs. Long story short, her boyfriend cheated on her, so she cheated on him with me. He beat the crap out of her and to keep him out of trouble, she told the police it was me. I’ve never put my hands on a woman before, but after losing everything that was important to me, I don’t know what I would do if I saw her now.”

“Wow, that’s some crazy shit. I want to beat her ass for you. Did she ever apologize or admit her wrongdoing?” she quizzed as her forehead creased.

“Hell nah. She had been blackmailing mama for money without my knowledge. When she didn’t get what she wanted, she showed up the night before I was supposed to get married, and told the same lie to Robyn. She showed her the newspaper articles and everything. I never told Rob about my past and we were already on rocky grounds, that shit killed what little hope she had in us and she left me. I just don’t get it though; I was always the perfect gentlemen to Michele. I guess it’s true; that shit doesn’t matter when people are strung out.”

“That’s so fucked up. Where is Michele now?”

“Shit, that’s a mystery to all of us. She up and disappeared again, but I wouldn’t be surprised if she just relocated and is using someone else. She’s not a good person and it sucks that I had to find that out the hard way”

“Well, let that bitch pop up again, imma give her a taste of her own medicine. You’re mine now, and I don’t play when it comes to mines”

“I don’t play when it comes to mine either. I know you’re all the way in Dallas, but it ain’t nothing for me to hop on a plane when you need me. Matter of fact, that brings up another conversation. Have you considered moving out here?”

“As crazy as it sounds, I never really gave that much thought. We’re serious, but relocating for a relationship is a big step.”

“I agree, but if you’re serious enough about me, I’m ready to step it up. Which means I need to get some shit off my chest.” I announced. If being with Tae cost me my relationship with Robyn, it was time she knew everything. I couldn’t make the same mistake twice.

“Oh shit. Here comes bad news”

“Not necessarily, it’s just a lot to take in.” I explained, shaking my nerves off. I was no longer worried. If she accepted me that’s great and if she doesn’t that’s okay too. “I invited my ex to Mama’s party yesterd-”

“What?! I don’t remember you introducing us” she blurted, scaring Diamond. She seemed to sense the mood shift and quickly jumped down and jetted out of sight.

“She didn’t stay long, and she told me she’d already met you. She designed Lala’s dresses.”

“What!? That Robyn is your ex? I was trying to hook her up with my brother the whole time we were working together.” she revealed, her eyes widened with shock. “I wonder why she never said anything, she must’ve felt awkward as hell. But why would you invite her to your mom’s barbecue? How long have ya’ll been in contact?”

“Not long. I invited her because they have their own relationship. I knew how happy mama would be to catch up with her.”

“Then what are you getting off your chest? Did you fuck her?” she inquired, putting some distance between us so she could look me in the eye.

“No, I’m not fucking her. There’s just a lot of emotional baggage still there. We lost our first-born last year and it was my fault” I admitted in shame. It was the first time I confessed my blame out loud and as soon as the words escaped my lips, tears started to fall.  

“What? How was it your fault?” she asked, immediately pulling me closer.

“I wasn’t there for her when I should’ve been. Her doctor recommended she stayed from behind the wheel, so I was supposed to take her to her appointment. I got caught up with Kate-”

“The girl you cheated with, right?” she interrupted, putting two and two together. This topic always had me on edge. I didn’t want her associating that Chris with the person I am today, but I needed to know how real this was.

“Yeah, I thought she was pregnant by me too, but it turned out to be someone else’s. Anyway, we thought her baby was coming, but it was a false alarm. I spent so long at the hospital with Kate that I ended up running late for Robyn’s appointment. She decided to drive herself and someone ran a light, smashing her side of the car. She was in a coma for a few days, but we lost our son. He died two days before my birthday.”

“That is so sad. Damn, you’ve been through some horrible things. Ya’ll both have been through a lot, but how can you blame yourself for an accident someone else caused?” She asked, wiping my cheeks with her palm.

“I should’ve been the one in the driver seat. The impact wouldn’t have been as bad and she could’ve made it to full term with him.” I sighed, standing up to dry my face with my shirt.

“I know it may seem that way, but everything happens for a reason. God decided he needed him more. You can’t hold that over yourself. We all make mistakes, but I know you’re a good person.” she responded, standing to hug me. Her touch was calming. I was relieved that instead of agreeing with me, she was showing me so much compassion. “I’m sorry things turned out the way they did, but you got to forgive yourself.”

“I’ve tried, I just don’t know how.” I confessed, releasing her and picking the blunt back up.

“That won’t help. You need to see a psychiatrist.” she ordered, taking the blunt from my hand and holding it behind her back. “When Brandon died, I couldn’t get through a single day without crying for a whole year. The last time we spoke, we had an argument over something so silly, I don’t even remember what it was. My psychiatrist helped me open up and let it out. Also, it feels better talking to someone who isn’t biased about the situation. You obviously blame yourself, but has Robyn ever blamed you.”

“Not once. At least not to my face. Knowing all the pain I caused is a hard pill to swallow. She’s never blamed me out loud, but I’ve never asked. You’re a woman, put yourself in her shoes. Would you blame me?”

“No. I’m a firm believer in everything happens for a reason. The healing process would hurt like hell, but it’s not like you meant for that to happen, so I couldn’t blame you for it.”

“You have a good soul and I really don’t deserve you either. I know I deserve to feel pain and heartache every day. Look, I would understand if hearing all of this makes you want to back out of this relationship.”

“Not at all. You’re right, it is a lot to take in, but I meant it when I said I love you. I’m not going to leave you for something you did in your past to someone else. Our mistakes make us human. I don’t expect you to be perfect. Hell, I’m not perfect either”

“You’re pretty damn close.”

“Not really. I’ve been holding back too. I ha-”

“AARRGHHH” Anthony screamed at the top of his lungs interrupting us. Seconds later, I heard some glass break and a female voice screaming in Spanish. Tae and I jumped up and darted towards his room just as he was coming out. He must’ve been startled from his sleep because he was still in his drawers and had dried saliva on the corners of his mouth.  

“That crazy bitch cut me!” he yelled, grasping his right thigh with both of his hands. The moment he let go, blood started to leak down his leg.

“You fucked me knowing you have chlamydia!” a girl in her bra and panties screamed at the top of her lungs. She was tiny with a loud screechy voice and big, wild curls falling in every direction. She threw his phone at his head with all her might. He dodged it, then bent down to pick it up, but fell instead. “Fuck!” he yelled out in pain as Tae took off the scarf that was on her head and tied it around his wound. “I don’t have no fucking STD!”

“Liar! I saw everything! Whoever the fuck Ashley is said she had it and you didn’t even respond to her text or answer her calls. It’s because you’re the one that gave it to her!” She accused, still holding the pocket knife she used to cut him with as she slipped her dress on.

“This ain’t the place for this shit. Ya’ll gotta go” I shouted, staying in between them as they bickered back and forth.  

“She didn’t get shit from me and I know I don’t have anything! I can’t believe you cut me!” he whined, fighting the pain.

“Be glad I didn’t kill you!” She exclaimed grabbing her purse, storming past us, and pausing at the front door. “You better pray my test results come up clean mother fucker!” she threatened before letting herself out.

“That’s what yo ass get for breaking the one rule you had. Get up so I can take yo stupid ass to the hospital” I ordered, stepping over him to go get my car keys. That was the last straw. I was tired of feeling like I had a child. From dealing with his passive aggressive attitude to his poor choices, I was over it. It was time for Anthony to go.

[gingercullenboy]

Movie Commentary Monday: Episode 1

Hello everyone and welcome to the very first episode of Movie Commentary Monday (or as i call MCM, which sounds ridiculous by the way) where I express my thoughts on a movie while desperately trying to be funny (and usually fail).

There will be dozens of side comments in brackets because I talk too much, sorry in advance.

This week’s movie is:

Isn’t It Romantic (2019)

Directed by: Todd Strauss-Schulson

Writing Credits: Erin Cardillo (screenplay&story), Dana Fox (screenplay) & Katie Silberman (screenplay)

Stars: Rebel Wilson, Liam Hemsworth, Adam Devine, Priyanka Chopra, Betty Gilpin, Brandon Scott Jones

Summary: A young woman disenchanted with love mysteriously finds herself trapped inside a romantic comedy.

(thanks IMDb)

Now, buckle up folks, it’s gonna be a loooooong ride. Let’s get down to business!

(this isn’t a Mulan reference)

Why is the Mom so bitter about happy endings? I bet she has seen things...

They don’t make movies for girls like us. 

THIS!!! LINE!!! IS!!! SO!!! IMPORTANT!!! 

That single sentence just basically summarized the entire history of Hollywood and you can’t argue with me on this. The evidence is there (sorry i’m bitter like mom) (i’m full of rage like younger john mulaney)

Natalie’s (Rebel Wilson) apartment is a mess and is so tiny, it’s like screaming YOUR FUTURE HOUSE at me, it’s unbelievable

Fucking finally, a realistic view of New York; smelly, crowded, and filth everywhere (not that i could ever know, i don’t live there but i’ve seen metropolitans before)

“STOP THE CART WITH YOUR BODY” WTFFF I’M CRYING THAT’S SO RUDE

Ok, Natalie’s a nobody at the workplace, even though she’s a fricking architect. UNREALISTIC TO ME

That co-worker and office manager can choke, that’s all I’m gonna say

Ohmygod, Whitney (Betty Gilpin) is so cute, I’ve seen her 10 secs in and I already love her (lovey dovey characters are always my faves)

JOSH (Adam Devine) IS AMAZING, ADORABLE DORK, PROTECT HIM AT ALL COSTS

LIAM HEMSWORTH’S AMERICAN ACCENT GOT ME SH00K!!! He just said “Goddamn it” and I am already hooked

Who puts whipped cream in a coffee? ME, BITCH

I PUT WHIPPED CREAM IN MY COFFEE BECAUSE BLACK COFFEE TASTES LIKE SHIT, SORRY THAT I’M NOT TOUGH AS YOU

Natalie says nice guy with a nice life and it... kinda bothers me. It’s a reaaaally generic expression and a bit insulting if you think about it bc if you don’t fit that person’s standards of being nice with having a nice life, it discourages you (in this case, you=man). So when Josh said “I’m a nice guy with a nice life” I thought ‘Of course you are’ bc he is in my standards. What I’m trying to say is that rom-coms have stereotypes on not only women but also men. Yes, it is sad.

Awwww Josh has a crush on Natalie *wipes happy tears* but she thinks he’s looking at the model billboard LMAO SAME, NAT

I’m so done (but it’s also so relatable, bc i’m like Nat but with less cynicism)

WHITNEY’S DESKTOP OMG

PAWSITIVE VIBES???? I WANNA MARRY HER SO WE CAN WATCH ROM-COMS WITH CATS ON OUR LAPS ALL DAY TOGETHER

Natalie was on the subway and a stranger waved at her. Then he tried to mug her. Then she knocked herself over. My mom always says don’t talk to strangers and I see why. I’m 22, if you’re wondering *clears throat* Moving on...

OH MY GOD SHE WOKE UP WITH THE MAKE-UP ON AND A NICELY DONE HAIR WITH FLOWERS AND STRAWBERRY DRINK ON THE SIDE, I CAN’T-

Oh, hello Mr. Morningstar... *wiggles eyebrows* (quick note, i don’t actually watch Lucifer but i really like Tom Ellis)

She just ripped her IV and blood didn’t spill everywhere, yeah this is a rom-com alright 

She’s dressed from lost and found and she looks like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman-

NO WAIT, THE ENTIRE SETTING HAS CHANGED

HOLY SHIT ‘A THOUSAND MILES’ BY VANESSA CARLTON IS STARTED TO BE PLAYED BY A RANDOM GUY ON A BIKE AND HE PLAYS IT FROM THE STEREO ON HIS BIKE I’M CACKLING

ENTER LIAM, HE LOOKS SO GOOD I CAN’T EVEN DESCRIBE (i’m a thirsty hoe, your suspicions are correct)

What the fuck does beguiling mean? *checks dictionary* oh, okay *is weirded out now*

HE’S AUSSIE NOW, THEY’VE DONE IT, HE’S KEEPING THE ACCENT, AND I’M HAPPY AGAIN

...Birds form a heart while flying... Uhhh... Strawberries and champagne in the limo... Rich as fuck, my poor ass can’t relate

NATALIE’S STREET HAS CHANGED, TOO

He’s giving her flowers already? Ok- NO WAIT

HE JUST WROTE HIS NUMBER ON MULTIPLE FLOWER PETALS AND HANDED TO HER, IS HE FOR REAL LMAO

“But there’s only one of you, so...” Well, this doesn’t change the fact that there are millions of ways to order the numbers, you dumbass (why is he like this)

Her apartment... Every Millenials’ dream

And... A gay neighbor/best friend who acts like an over-feminine gay (which is also a stereotype)

So, I’ll count every rom-com trope I’ve seen in 22 mins *counts her fingers* So far, I have seven tropes

The Big Presentation (eight)

Unconventional workplace which looks like a Google office (nine)

Nat is the star architect now (ten)

Rival bitchy colleague (eleven) (WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE WHITNEY, THOUGH) (SHE’S MY SENSITIVE WIFE) (oh, she looks hot)

They gave like, four other tropes in two mins and it doesn’t feel like rushed at all *salutes respectively*

The setting change is so... Like, you cannot miss it, it’s sweet and makes you feel all giddy inside, it’s so lovely, so rom-com like (does that make sense to you?)

OH PRIYANKA, SHE JUST TURNED AND I’M LIKE “Oh I’m fucked”

“Josssssssh”

Natalie keeps falling (twelve)

“MY LIFE IS A ... ... ROMANTIC COMEDY!” “AND IT’S ... PG-13!″ EVERYONE STARTED DANCING BEHIND HER I’M HOLLERING 

The subway map behind her is shaped in a heart, lovey dovey couples everywhere... And shE’S GONNA JUMP ONTO A TRAIN??? THIS GOT DARK ALL OF A SUDDEN

Officer Hansom *facepalms*

She threw the flower petals and guess what? THE NUMBERS FELL DOWN IN THE CORRECT ORDER, WHO COULD HAVE KNOWN HAHAHA (thirteen)

Y’ello

Y’ELLO

Y’E LL O

IS THIS HOW AUSSIES ANSWER THE PHONE, AUSSIE MUTUALS PLEASE RESPOND

BLAKE (Liam Hemsworth) IS SO ADORABLE I’M ROOTING FOR EVERYONE IN THIS MOVIE 

Dress up montage... Yeah- Oh wait, they cut it out what the hell fvygbuhnj I WANT MY DRESS UP MONTAGE, GIVE IT TO MEEE

This is some fancy first date though... Also leaving 100 bucks tip doesn’t justify breaking in to a store I guess??? Seems like the law has no function in rom-coms lmao (fourteen)

BUTTER PECAN??? HOW OLD ARE YOU, 200 OR SOMETHING??? WHAT THE FUCK, MAN

The rain... You know what’s coming after- Ah, and they kissed *giggles uncontrollably* YES!!! (fifteen)

THEY CAN’T HAVE SEX BC IT’S PG-13 (liam’s abs, though) *bi scream*

Her apartment makes me cry, it’s so beautiful (ok i’ll stop counting from now on bc i cannot keep up anymore)

Also the romantic tension between Natalie and Josh................ I have no words

Isabella (Priyanka Chopra) calls Josh ‘Mush’ and it’s so f-king cringey, I swear to God sxrdctfvygu

STOP OVERSELLING NEW YORK, WE KNOW IT’S NOT THAT GOOD

I can talk about Blake for five hours, he’s so fucking funny lmao

Donny (Brandon Scott Jones) is such a gay sidekick, he comes out of nowhere and talks weirdly but he makes me laugh so I’ll give him a pass

NOW WE’RE GETTING SOMEWHERE, NATALIE’S GONNA STOP ISABELLA&JOSH’S WEDDING

That musical scene is everything, and Natalie hits that high note H AR D

GET IT, GIRL

Blake............ no-

I ROOTED FOR YOU, WE ALL ROOTED FOR YOU, HOW COULD YOU DO THAT-

Oh my, he’s a certified douchebag, I should’ve guessed, I’m so disappointed in myself 

Unexpected wisdom coming from Donny who had no function to the story other than appearing beside Natalie at random times (again, rom-com trope) 

BUT at least he made her realised who matters to her the most

Slow motion running!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Her boobs are like sxrdctfvyg SHAKING AS SHE’S RUNNING ESXRDCTFVYB (as someone who has big breasts, i relate to that so hard) 

“Yoga Ambassador. Yoga. Ambassador.” “Ambassadors are for countries, not for streching.” Dang, Nat!!!

She finally realised she loves herself! Awww, that’s so sweet and empowering and I can’t get enough of this!!!! Yes, to love someone else first you should love yourself!

Oh she crashed the car and went back to reality

Another hot doctor???? Wait, I’m confused- No, false alarm, she’s back and her real doctor is tired, is also swimming through lawsuits LMFAO

She pulled her IV and blood SPILLED EVERYWHERE AS IT SHOULD BE, THANK GOD

I’m glad that she’s happy with what she’s got and she didn’t decide to keep what she’s been doing but instead, tried to take care of herself, it’s such a good message to young girls and I cannot praise this enough

PLOT TWIST, DONNY IS ACTUALLY REALLY GAY AND HAS A BOYFRIEND AND IS ALSO A WEED DEALER OH MY FUCKING GOD I LOVE THE TWIST SO MUCH 

Natalie!!! Is!!! Confident!!! Now!!! I’m literally living for this *throws hearts to the screen*

OH MY WIFE IS BACK, HI WHITNEY I LOVE YOU MY SWEET SUMMER WIFE I MISSED YOU

Nat stormed into that meeting and she’s. on. fireeee

Real Blake is as jerk as ever, no surprise

Using parking lots as metaphors would never cross my mind but ok I guess???

Fuck, he said “What does beguiling mean?” I’M LOST FOR WORDS, THIS MOVIE SXDCTFVYGU

JOSH HAS BEEN LOOKING AT NATALIE FOR THE WHOLE TIME, NOT THE SWIMSUIT MODEL, WHO COULD HAVE THOUGHT???

ps. me and probably everyone else except Nat lol

EVERYONE SINGS

THIS IS NOT A DRILL

I REPEAT, EVERYONE SINGS AND IT’S SO GOOD

LIAM PLAYS THE SAX HOLY SHIT HE’S SO HOT I’M GONNA FAINT

Priyanka with that rose.......... Consider me dead, thank you

“It’s hot as fuck” tcfyvgubh probably true

Overall, I would give this movie 7/10 because of the message. Plot is nicely done and I got see basically every single rom-com tropes. At total, I counted 23 tropes I guess? If I could look every minor detail, I would count more but I won’t get into it that much for now. (i’m running late to a meeting with friends so i have to cut short)

I loved the production design, setting felt like I’m in a classic rom-com movie and characters were written accordingly. Every actor in the movie has fit perfect to me. I especially loved Priyanka and Liam because 1) I’ve never seen any of her movies and 2) It’s been a long time since I watched a Liam Hemsworth movie (i only watched hunger games, so you think about it lmao)

I guess that’s about it! I have a list for the next weeks’ movies but if you have a request then tell me so, I will watch your recommendations first! I appreciate comments; if you have something to add, please do. I will read every single one of them.

See you next week!