#i’m just saying he could relate to the experience more than brandon ever would have been able to

[ladycatofwinterfell]

hey guys do you think ned’s experience with being an outsider from a different place contributed to him building Cat a sept? Winterfell had no sept for her as the Eyrie had no heart tree for him

[winxlava]

Where Fate: the Winx saga fails

As a winx fan of 14 years (in and out), this fate thing is really scandolous. I’ve seen lots of ups and downs the winx fandom. As I’ve watched all of the development that fate had, I've had some thoughts, but I’ve waited until I watched everything.

This is going to be a reaction to all 6 episodes of Fate the Winx saga. This is coming from a fan of the og show so expect lots of comparisons.

If this bothers you, please don't keep reading. A lot of this is only my opinion. If you like it and think its great, that’s good! I’m not here to ruin it.

There is a list of what I liked most near the bottom of this post. Spoilers Ahead!!

Anyway, back to the post.

What made the Winx work

Lets start with the basic idea of Winx. Bloom, a normal girl, finds out that she has magic powers and is from another dimension. Seems like a simple concept? Well, Seasons 1-3 (and 4?) expanded this idea to the max.

Likeable characters galore and lots of fun, fashion, and magic.

For a lot of us that’s what sold the show. 

So lets talk about tone and why its so important 

The idea that teenage girls were exploring a world we could never see or experience. And the darkness that came with it.

Remember when Daphne, bloom’s dead sister, clung to life to help bloom figure her life out? When bloom became evil and nearly killed all of her friends? When Flora drowned to save her sister, only to get enchantix? (Actually all of enchantix was like this). When Musa gave up seeing her dead mom to save the world? When nabu died?

The show was full of these small, intense, dark moments. That’s what made winx special. The light came with dark.

By making the show dark and “eDgy” it takes away the impact of the dark moments. I’ve been saying this since the beginning. 

Point of view and how Stella is affected 

Stella was very misunderstood in the remake and it shows. The thing is, Stella was the first entry point into the magical world in the original show. She carried Bloom and her parents to Alfea. She was the transfer point to a whole world for the audience.

Her spunk and optimism and snark made her a fan favorite, but that’s not what made her character work.

She was Bloom’s first friend, and because of the that, we saw her in a good lens. She was reckless, but a pure heart nonetheless. She was confident, cunning, and powerful. 

It was because we saw the good in her first that made us like her. She was good before she was bad in our eyes.

The remake takes all of that away. She’s just a generic mean rich girl now. To be honest, Stella is accurate, but the way she was introduced put her in a whole new light. In this version, she is annoying and trifling, seemingly taking the place of Diaspro in her liking for sky.

Also she hates her mother? Stella would never! She loved both of her parents dearly and was mad simply because she felt they never loved her as a result of their divorce; they never talked to each other and she felt split between the two of them. (See Stella’s nightmares sequence season 1 :https://youtu.be/wuvyw0OHA6A?t=129). She was lonely and her father, though he loved her, spoiled her with gifts instead of the love she desired. 

You see this side of her when Chimera comes in and tries to take her place in season 3. Her worth is tied to what she has and looks like. Her title as a princess rules her.

Not only that, Stella learns about “commoners” through her friends. She was spoiled and never saw people who couldn’t afford things; it was new and she was a bit rude about it, but can you blame her, she was always put above everything else in her home country.

https://www.youtube.com/post/UgzCfOQ696rvwa51Z_J4AaABCQ?lc=UgzCDSxfcNaP9XogBSB4AaABAg

https://www.youtube.com/post/UgzCfOQ696rvwa51Z_J4AaABCQ?lc=Ugxl_sOsUSGBXEwagxJ4AaABAg

^^ These are comments of people saying similar things.

Stella also vents to Sky a lot in the remake. She seems like she is chasing him pitifully, something og Stella would never do.

Edit: Check the “liked” section; she has been upgraded to sort of like in episodes 5 and 6.

Aisha

They did Aisha dirty as well. (Just like Bonnie from Vampire Diaries, why am I surprised?) I would write a lot here, but someone else summarized it well:

https://rainbow-whitewashing-jar.tumblr.com/post/639787632624369664/its-just-there-is-so-much-background-on-aisha.

https://www.youtube.com/post/Ugx4WL5rIPTS1suGOed4AaABCQ

Tldr: Aisha was a very lonely princess of Andros. She only had one friend growing up but then they moved away and she was lonely all over again. She copes with her princess duties by being great at sports and even beating some of the men! She stood up to her parents when they wanted her to be arranged married, until she fell in love with Nabu HERSELF. She decided her own future from that point on.

Also, her relevance to the plot has been dwindled to being Bloom's right hand man; the black best friend sterotype! What a let down for one of the PRINCESSES of the original!

She had her own goals, drive, and motivations in the original! She did things for all of her friends; she definitely wasn't only driven by one person!

And she was closer to Musa than Bloom that's for sure!

Bloom

The fact that bloom transforms before everyone else gives bad vibes, considering that one of the reasons she was insecure about magic was because everyone of her friends was better than her and could transform. Why would she feel insecure when they are all around the same level?

The theme of sisterhood

Ever notice that none of the girls had the same taste in guys?

Bloom liked goody guys like Sky and Andy. Stella liked guys who were fun and flirty like Brandon.

In fact, none of the girls ever fought over a guy, they fought over things that actually mattered like someone being rude or a mission gone wrong.

That's what made them relatable. They weren't petty about guys and they mostly respected each other's relationships.

https://www.youtube.com/post/Ugz6TEOmGRV2Cfqy12F4AaABCQ?lc=UgwhLsToVbhLDYpFphB4AaABAg

^^ Look at highlighted comment

Not only that, but the winx represented a positive sisterhood. They stood by each other and respected each other; they never let men come between them and shared their power with each other.

Only the trix, the bad sisterhood, fought over men and power. The trix were foils to the winx and what they stood for! That's what made them some of the best villains in the series!

Instead of that, we get useless relationship drama! 😒

And that brings me to...

Stella/Sky/Bloom & Riven/Dane/Terra

What was the point of Dane? I'm still asking myself that question. He doesn't really do anything except act as relationship fuel for a love triangle.

Don't get me wrong, the representation is needed. But he adds nothing to the real plot at all except that Terra thinks he likes her, and he has a crush on Riven.

In terms of the Stella and Bloom love triangle with Sky, apparently she BLINDED someone because they flirted with sky. What?!? Stella isn't that cruel at all. The show clearly flanderized her to a cruel mean girl so....

Edit: Check the “liked” section; she has been upgraded to sort of like in episodes 5 and 6.

Lets not forget about “diversity”

Male fairies did exist before Fate:

https://www.youtube.com/post/UgziTWMf44kv0fkDt8x4AaABCQ

https://www.youtube.com/post/UgxWAFZRmqt_k3iBMhZ4AaABCQ

Flora/Terra, Musa, and Whitewashing

Terra and Musa are wonderful! Their actress' do a great job; their personalities are so similar to the original (except for musa's mind abilities and Terra's talkative personality)! Whenever one of them interacts with the other main cast, you feel actual friendship chemistry between them!!

But there is an elephant in the room: the whitewashing. If these characters were the correct race, they wouldn't be in this critical review.

Terra isn't flora, but her character was clearly based on her! Also, she has a cousin named Flora, so Flora is clearly in this universe.

??

Why change her race and swap her out! The personalities are spot on, which makes it even more disheartening to know that they would rather replace two POC characters with white characters who essentially are the same people and have the same plot importance.

What a shame and low blow that is! Especially since I am a black woman myself!

Sky and Riven

Them being bros make no sense really. Before they were more like enemies who were forced to work together.

Why are they friends?? What's the backstory?

Other than that, sky is pretty spot on. He's the pretty boy with good intentions. Not interesting but not very boring either.

Riven is cringy like I feared. He was also sort of cringe in the og but because of the darker setting in the remake he just feels even more so.

Other Criticisms:

- we gets some pretty cringy dialogue (mostly from riven). Some of the clingy dialogue (not from riven) ironically could have worked in a lighter setting and become "campy".

- The fact that there are no wings for 5 whole episodes, just makes the entire thing feel like Witches or something...

- why does everyone have the dead parent trope??

- no tecna

Things I do like:

- bloom missing her parents and feeling left out

- Musa and Sam before Musa and Riven (hopefully)

- Terra in general

- Terra’s dad and brother

- Musa in general

- Stella funny quips

- the scenery is gorgeous

- Stella's clothes are so fashionable! She has great outfits!

- Sky and Bloom taking during the party and/or being friendly with each other

- the magic cgi looks good 👍

- the rooms of the girls dorms and the castle looks great on the inside

- Aisha's personality

- Farrah Dowling is good as well

- Bloom is pretty spot on

- Stella's mom's powers are awesome

- imagine the genocide plot but with the happy fun show vibe and with the trix. The trix want to get revenge on faragonda for killing their cult, who wanted to revive the ancestral witches or something💥💥💥

- Stella in episodes 5 and 6 is cool

- the inclusion of the witches of aster dell (Beatrix said she was born there = witch)

- the inclusion of musa’s mother’s death

-Her transformation was lackluster to me, but I appreciated the effort to include it.

Conclusion

The pacing was all over the place to me; it felt like some episodes lasted forever and all of them seemed to have the vague theme of : be careful who you trust.

By trying to separate the winx from the og and have them have "their own lives" (which they already had), they ruined the intriguing backstories the characters already had in the og. Some were somewhat kept, but others were kind of left in the dust *cough*Aisha*cough*.

They took away with made them special: the teamwork, love, and friendship that brought them together and made them stronger. *They try it in episodes 5 and 6, but to me it just falls sort of flat.*

That said it isn't completely bad, it's mediocre at best, but it isn't Winx and that's that.

Edit: I know that it’s not supposed to be winx per say, but it has characters from the og and even the “winx” name in the title!

Credits: WCD channel on youtube, rainbow whitewashing jar on tumblr, and Youtube videos by the official winx club youtube channel.

[pedantichoe]

Rhythm of War spoilers under the cut

...

Perfect I’m glad that actually worked :)

1. WHAT THE NUTS?!2?:??:?:? I’VE LOST MY GOSHDANG MARBLES NOT TO MENTION SEVERAL PIECES OF MY SOUL AND ALL MY SANITY (clearly since I already said marbles r gone) HEAD IS EMPTY FELLAS

I’m honesty just still at a loss for words. The implications every major investiture-related reveal has are enormous. The light. The harmonies. The spren experiments??? Ishar what the eff word are you doing dude!??!???

I was under the delusion that there was going to be a mega battle between Moash and Kaladin at the end of the book that was gonna be Uber painful but then have that allow Kaladin to swear the fourth ideal (in my head it was smth like Dalinar v Odium in Oathbringer but I am aware that would be way too clean a parallel and branderson just doesn’t work like that). INSTEAD we got an altercation that caused me to BAWL MY EYES OUT FOR FOURTY-FIVE MINUTES

Some lead-up. Somewhere around the time Moash got the spren-killing dagger I could just feel an awful build-up of tension and anxiety. I may not be able to hear the rhythms of Roshar but let me tell you if I could..... I would be attuned to terrors m8. So anyways I knew shit was gonna go DOWN but I didn’t know exactly what. Then Moash got the knife and my brain was just like “if he kills Sylphrena....” but I was just like HHHHH GOTTA KEEP READING

I’ll need to go downstairs and actually grab my book at some point to make sure I have the timeline right but there was a point where I had to set the book down and do some breathing exercises and walk around a little. And then Oho boy. When Teft walked in and saw Moash I just... I lost it a little. And then what actually happened????? My dogs woke me up at 5 AM and as I’m struggling out of some weird cosmere-related dream I remember whag Moash did and I’m just sitting there in the dark dogs whining to go out -crying- because how could he do that how could he how could he

And I know at the start of the book when Godeke or whatever edgedancer came to get Kal out of the manor fire was standing in the doorway and Moash had some kind of.... bit of his soul? Smth??? Show a version of who he /could/ be (wait that wasn’t Renarin was it cuz that would make sense...... hmmmmmmmm). That COULD mean he will have some opportunity at redemption which. If there is ANYBODY I trust to do it well and with feeling, it’s Brandon, but also a huge part of me does NOT. WANT. HIM. REDEEMED. I want him crushed and broken in every way with the full weight of what he did bearing down upon him but also hhhhhhh I’m sure we will get smth much cooler than anything I could think up ANYWAY

Why are the splits between paragraphs getting so big tumblr what is wrong with you

See this one is normal

Okay ANYWAYS

Kaladin. Bitch this man is a LOT. he’s just. I think the thing I appreciate most about these books is that the heroes aren’t perfect. They’re often damaged. Feel broken. And IN that they expand upon their ideals and ultimately make the first one just such an inspiring message. Life before death. Strength before weakness. Journey before destination.

So Kaladin. He is just uhhhh amazing??? What I think truly encapsulates what I love about him is when it’s just he and Syl and the stonecast statue of Teft. The sadness is still there and I know it hurts him so much. But the guilt? The ability to grow in your losses and find yourself stronger and more human and more understanding because of it??? Ultimately THAT is where Moash and Odium are wrong. Kaladin and Dalinar have found and CONTINUE to find how to grow in their pain. How to not just deal with, but ACCEPT and OWN their pain and sorrow. They are finding the peace that Odium would have brought through numbness and loss. I don’t really know how to phrase this exactly how I would like. But I’m proud of this message. Im glad for this message.

When Wit helps Kaladin into that warm bubble and tells him he will be warm again, that just hit. The message in these books is about oaths and ideals and promises. It’s about growing into something so much more than you ever could have dreamed, and NOT by giving up your pain or your guilt or your loss or your anger to someone who would leave you a shell as a byproduct. When Teft died he died full of hope. He knew he was forgiven. He didn’t lose to Moash, to Odium, to the moss or to anyone or anything else. He lived and died with Honor. And in doing so proved that the power to change existed within him. It just needed support. Like a small flame. You can’t leave it open to the winds, or it will extinguish, but it DOES need air. It does need to be stoked to grow. Teft did it. So can you.

I went on both Instagram and Snapchat to try and talk about how deeply connected I feel to these books and the messages and characters in them. I wasn’t nearly as eloquent as I would have liked. But at the end of the day I am so grateful for how I’ve been able to grow and change and be shaped by my trials and experiences. I didn’t spend this year in as dark of a place as Kaladin, but I did feel trapped and stuck. I felt like a failure. I felt weak and angry and like there was no way to get to where I had been. Like I couldn’t remember the words.

And not just this book, but so many things in my life have helped me to see that I am valid and I am growing and I will stumble and make mistakes but through it all, the oaths that I have made, and the ideals that I keep are what make me me, and will continue to temper my soul and my spirit as I go along this journey.

I don’t need everyone to love these books as much as I do. Or feel as strongly about the messages or be as affected by the characters, the plot, and the INSANELY good writing. But I hope everyone has, finds, and clings to what makes them warm. What brings them light. We all make mistakes. We all will continue to mess up. We need to be corrected and shaped and we need to grow and change. But I for one am sick of hating people on principle. I’m sick of the feeling in my stomach like the world is falling to shit and that nothing I do or say will ultimately have any positive effect. I’m sick of living in a shade-darker world where I hate everything and feel like I should hate everything. I’m sick of being angry.

As a related side note. As we get to know more about the shards I hope someone makes a “which shard of Adonalsium are you!” Quiz because that would be very interesting. As is?? This year I have been Odium. I am passionate. But I am angry. I am so so angry. And I don’t -want- to be so angry anymore. I want to have hope. I want to follow light. I want to CHOOSE life and strength and journey and I want to sacrifice what I need to to get there. Kaladin’s fourth ideal is recognizing he can’t save everyone. I want to follow the ideal that those out there deserving of love and compassion outweigh my need to feel angry and unjust at those that destroy those things. I’ll work on phrasing as I go. I’m not quite ready to swear it, but the words are coming. I can feel them.

What Maya did was reveal that in the darkest of times for Radiants and their bonds, there was a choice that was made. And -no one,- spren, god, or otherwise, can take away the fact that it was THEIR choice. It is my choice whom I serve. It is my choice what I sacrifice and what I hold on to. And I will not let the voices of those telling me I have to hate everything and everyone take charge over me.

I hope everyone out there finds their ideals. And keeps to them. And knows that there is hope and light and life. That there is strength before weakness. And courage before cowardice. And a journey before their destination.

And that ultimately, the most important words a person can say are: “I will do better.” And the most important step they can take is the next one.

Life before death. Always. Life before death.

[yossariandawn]

Scott Fuller

Scott Fuller

Why I like them: Oh Scott, He’s probably the character that breaks my heart the most, to be honest. He’s just so young and angry and lost, and he starts off the series clearly feeling powerless against all the bullies out there. Then he gets this incredible amount of power, and loses his family because of what he does with it. I believe he really was trying to protect them too, he viewed it as a gift and a way to survive in the world. Then he falls in with people he thinks can help him become strong and powerful, makes a bunch of  terrible choices that end with his sister getting shot and killed while trying to help him. But is capable from learning from his mistakes, he just needs some time to work through things and think, not react or follow along.

Why I don’t: I love all his flaws, and I really loved the darker parts of his character growth, so the only thing I'd change is we’d get more of what was going on with him throughout the show. We get all the major pieces to follow along with what happens to him, but he has a ton of stuff happen off screen that I would have liked to see. He has an really interesting relationship with power , both in how he craves it as something to protect and prove himself, that I personally find much more relatable than Richie’s very similar storyline.

Favorite episode (scene if movie) Fanglorious - I loved his Culebra Christian Rock band so much. I loved that he was really trying to build something positive after Season 2, and find a way to live with it all. He has a ton of guilt, but he also tried to turn it into something good by stopping the predators and bullies of the world from preying on others. Plus, we got a tiny bit of him interacting with the Geckos, and that Amaru fight was so intense and impressive looking.

Favorite season/movie:  Season 2 - I know! He was a gigantic mess throughout the whole thing, but Brandon did a phenomenal job exploring it all, and I think it was all really important to get him where he ended up. It was hard to watch (the whole season is pretty hard to watch) but as the saying goes, it’s always darkest before the dawn lol.

Favorite line:

It’s the first real glimpse into how he views the world, and it’s a great little jolt.

Favorite outfit: 

His long coat and twin swords is such a great look for him, I love that he’s styled himself like something out of a comic book.

OTP: No one at the moment, he doesn’t really have a love interest during the show, and for most of it he’s in a pretty bad headspace to be thinking about romance. Maybe Scott/Crossing the Ocean to Find Himself (metaphorically and literally)

Brotp:

Kate Fuller - I love their relationship, they just felt like real siblings to me. They had a shared history and had a huge impact in who they are as people, but they were also still  two distinct people who had different views of the world, and reacted differently to the same trauma. It didn’t mean they loved each other any less though, and they will always have a unique bond with each other. And I’d love to see them renegotiate and figure out how they work best together going forward now that they aren’t kids anymore.

Head Canon: That he took some kind of martial arts classes as a kid, which would explain why he can do all the cool moves. I imagine he was always a bit of a loner, and I think Jacob and Jennifer could have tried to encourage him to get out there more by enrolling him in something he already had an interest in (his canon love of comic books and lucha wrestling and action movies)  I can see him really throwing himself into learning all sorts of cool and flashy moves.  I don’t think he was was fighting back in school though, I see him more simmering angrily than actually engaging back at that point.

Unpopular opinion: I’m not sure how unpopular it is, but I really think it was best for him that Kate turned him down on his offer to go off together at the end of season 3. I'm sure it stung a bit that she didn’t want to fall back into something close to what they were/maybe would have been, but he really needs some time to actually figure out what he wants to do and who he wants to be, and adding in a bunch of guilt and trying to be normal with her would have been a real distraction to that. And I think Kate really needed some space to adjust and heal without worrying about managing his feelings about what happened, which would have just been so hard for both of them to navigate in close quarters while everything was still so raw.  

A wish: I would love to see Scott partnered up with Freddie! I think Scott could learn a lot from the Earl McGraw School of right and wrong, and he always gravitates towards mentors, so I think having someone who is also half in half out of the culebra world and has experience with feeling like an outsider would be really good for him. And the idea of a Culebra Peacekeeper in training makes me so happy, and I think would fit really well with Scott’s personality. (I know Peacekeepers have a whole bloodline component to them, but 1. Scott’s adopted, so we don’t actually know his bloodline, and 2. I’m not sure it should really matter anyway, since they’ve already thrown the whole culebra world order upside down. He can hold his own in a fight and wants to protect others)

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: Die, I don’t want him to die if the show ever does come back (knock on wood)

5 words to best describe them: Angry, Loner, Fighter, Geeky, Badass

My nickname for them: none

Thanks so much for asking about Scott @astarkey, and for giving me the opportunity to ramble on about him! You know me too well. 💖

[gaiapaia]

Kermit and Friends: Brandon’s Birthday Party

This week’s Kermit and Friends started with a quick recap video of Elisa declaring her love for Alexander Octopus Cortez last week, followed by a beautiful cover of The Octopus Song from the lovely singer who also covered You Turn Me On, Gonzo and sung The Wild Mountain Thyme in Kermit’s tribute video. After that, a new introduction video played, featuring Indian music that seriously made me laugh out loud as soon as I heard it. Very fun way to begin the show this week.

There’s an extremely amazing guest for this week’s broadcast: none other than Wendy from The Howard Stern Show! Wendy brought a lot of friends over with her and seemed to immensely enjoy herself throughout the episode. She was a joy to watch.

Barry Boss made his weekly call not long after the show began. Elisa invited Barry to the birthday party she’s throwing for her dear friend/neighbor Brandon. Unfortunately, Barry can’t attend and Elisa quickly got off the phone with him. Also unfortunate... Barry called right back and Elisa’s graciousness allowed him to read a very long, irrelevant letter that took him nearly 3 minutes to ramble off. Not the most fun part of the show but I appreciate Elisa embracing the WWJD philosophy by allowing him to do that despite how much you could tell she didn’t want to.

Speaking of Brandon and his birthday... a theme of this week’s show was Elisa attempting to give Brandon the only good birthday he’s ever had. Apparently, with Brandon’s birthday being so close to Christmas, it has made his special day an afterthought throughout his life. It doesn’t seem like Elisa will be able to put together the party featuring West Coast Kermitarians as she hoped, but Brandon still got a nice colorful picture from Wendy and was offered DJ lessons from Kevin Cao. Two amazing presents, if you ask me!

Next up is Corey. Elisa looked to scriptures to try to explain Corey’s experience on the show last week. She read Isaiah 53:2 from the Bible (which basically explains the rejection Jesus felt from Israel) and relates Corey’s situation to that passage. It’s very silly to compare Corey to Jesus but it’s also very funny. I love Elisa looking to the Bible for ways to explain the crazy Kermit and Friends universe we’re sucked into every Sunday at 11:00AM PST.

Elisa then started playing videos from Corey’s detractors talking about how much they can’t stand the poor guy. One video was from DannyfromLA, while the other was from a new friend of Kermit named DJ Smooth Disciple. His name pretty much describes everything we know about him so far: he worships DJ Smooth.

DJ Smooth and his disciple would then try to pick a fight with Corey but Elisa didn’t allow it to take over the show. They all took a few jabs at one another and that was that.

Well, until the Octopus decided to take Corey’s side, which somehow resonated to Alexander Octopus Cortez quitting the show and swearing off Elisa. Apparently, AOC was appalled that Elisa would allow ANTIFA thugs on her show, so he blew a gasket and swam off (for the record, DJ Smooth and his disciple deny any association with ANTIFA) . 

Elisa seemed very hurt by AOC’s actions. It reminded her of the many times on the original Kermit and Friends when she became close to someone on the show, only for them to stab her in the back for little to no reason. I understand Elisa’s heartbreak over stuff like that, but hopefully she can also remember she does have a few loyalists from the original KAF that love her very much and have stuck by her side all these years. 

AOC’s betrayal led to a few people claiming he’s just a troll, saying they expected this from him. That then led to a bunch of troll accusations from new friends of Kermit such as Kenny T, SayianZ, a few callers, etc. Everyone was accusing each other of being trolls... it was quite humorous.

Kenny T stood out from the bunch. Besides calling people trolls and being called a troll, Kenny T is an artist who was willing to share his poetry and artwork with everyone. He read a poem about a friend of his that committed suicide, and later displayed some of his paintings. If he was being sincere, Kenny seems like the perfect kind of friend that Kermit would love to have; it’s not possible for me to give someone a higher compliment but I do have my reservations at the moment. I’m looking forward to seeing how he plays out on future KAF episodes.

Elisa also received a call from a guy named Brian, who asked her about Elisa’s Cobra Starship days. She explained her time with the band, why it ended, and how she looks at the situation much more positively today than she used to. It was a nice segment and it’s awesome to see Elisa finding the good out of bad experiences from her past.

The show closed out with another unique/fun Kermitarian Church video after John Bolton sung a fantastic karaoke version of You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch.

Really enjoyed this week’s program like I have each of the previous weeks. Elisa and all involved seem to be having a blast every episode, and watching it you can’t help but have a fun time too. God bless Elisa, God bless Kermit and God bless all of Kermit’s wonderful friends.

[bookaddict24-7]

REVIEW: Skyward by Brandon Sanderson!

My Rating: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️/5

Age Recommendation: 14+

Genres: Science Fiction, Adventure

Release Date: November 6th, 2018

Add this book to your TBR on Goodreads here.

You can read my other reviews here, here, here and here.

This review may contain unintended spoilers.

___

I always knew I wanted to read Skyward. I was intimidated to all hell, but the moment I saw the cover and read the synopsis before its release date, I knew I wanted it in my collection. But Skyward was one of those books I’d hyped up in my head so much that I was really scared to read it. If my followers on Instagram hadn’t voted for me to read this book, I don’t know when I would have picked it up. 

Let’s just say that I’m so happy I finally read this book. SO HAPPY. 

Spensa has always lived in the shadow of what her father supposedly did before he died. Labelled the daughter of a coward, all Spensa has ever wanted was to carve her way out of his shadow. Her main goal is to get into flight school, where she can train to become a pilot, like her father, and fight the aliens who are constantly trying to cause humanity’s extinction. But with her identity already seemingly created by the public, can Spensa achieve her goal? And if she does, can she overcome the label she inherited from her Father?

First of all, let’s talk about the character development in this book. Spensa starts out as one of those people who love the dramatics of a declaration. If you’ve watched The Princess Bride, then you know the famous line spoken by Inigo Montoya. While Spensa’s speeches are full of much more graphic descriptions, it definitely carried the note of her avenging her Father and his reputation. There were often moments where she would use these acts of bravado to overcome whoever was in front of her and you could feel the secondhand embarrassment wafting up from the pages. But what I love is that rather than have it abruptly stop as Spensa grows, Sanderson somehow manages to still include the essence of the speeches without having Spensa overcompensate with flowery prose. He doesn’t change her personality to fit the story arc, but instead evolves it so that she learns to communicate in a better way. 

Spensa is essentially a character who goes from childish fantasies of glory, to a young adult who has slowly shed her childhood in exchange for the cruel realities of her world--and I don’t mean anything in relation to reputations.

But Spensa’s character growth isn’t just these speeches she loves to give at the beginning of the novel. As the novel progresses, Spensa begins to learn that the word “coward” can mean many things. Much like in life, the word lives in a gray area. She and her society may at first see it as a negative, but Spensa quickly learns that there are many kinds of cowardice and not all are bad. 

And we see this theme of cowards and cowardly behaviour throughout the whole book. What does it mean? What does it look like? What will people do to avoid the title? Honestly, it reminded me so much of what sometimes happens in real life and how the label can be the saving grace of one person, but the condemnation of another. 

The side characters all also grew really well throughout the story. This wasn’t simply a Spensa show. They all had life and personalities worthy of getting to know. They weren’t there to help Spensa look good, or put her on a pedestal. They had their own goals and hopes of success. In the flight school, there are teams of students in one flight and it was both heartbreaking and eye-opening to experience the relationships Spensa had with each person. 

The pacing was incredible. I couldn’t put this book down. We weren’t simply stuck with Spensa in one situation, but were constantly being moved around and exploring her world with her. There wasn’t a slow moment and every time an action scene happened, I couldn’t be pulled away from the pages. Spensa’s story was so addicting. 

The world and its rules were well created, if perhaps a bit complex to fully grasp in just the first book. I loved the diversity in the book and, yes, the lack of a teenage romance overtaking the plot. Probably one of the best things in here. It’s not to say that Spensa doesn’t feel anything for anyone, but if romance does happen in the future books, it won’t be the main theme of the novel. 

If you’re still not convinced that you should read this, then let me say this: After I finished reading Skyward, I really wanted to watch Captain Marvel because it was so cool. This was just such an incredibly cool book with an incredibly awesome protagonist who was written so incredibly well. And as you’ve probably guessed by now, I thought this was an incredible book. 

Anyway, read this book. Add it to your TBR. Enjoy it. Devour it. 

Happy reading!

P.S. Have you read this book? Would you recommend it? 

[enkisstories]

Just like them (part 3 or Interlude)

Fast forward a few hours…

When Hank returned from work that day, Connor was already at home. And not just that, he had also had enough time to bake the abomination that was a sugar free carob coconut cake.

“How come you are home already?” Hank inquired. “They didn’t fire you?”

“No, nothing of that sort. Since everyone’s so keen on taking our age literally, I referred my bosses at CyberLife to the Youth Worker Protection Act that regulates work time for underage employees.“

“They will fire you.”

“I’ll get by. It’s not like I needed much. But you should eat now!”

“How about…” Hank started, all the while circling the kitchen table, “how about we do something fun instead? When we met, you’ve seen me at my lowest, now I kinda want to show you some of the places where I was happy.”

And also, the man thought, the places where happy food was waiting for him, not the sorry cake…

And so Connor learned that Hank Anderson had a bunch of real friends. A mixed group of citizens of both Detroit and Windsor, these men and women went back a long way. They hadn’t exactly grown up together, but bonded during their college years. And now they were living pretty much the same lives as back then, only taking it a little slower and with more neck pains, while their children assumed those “elders” hadn’t touched a videogame in their lives and were probably knitting during their outings. The eldest of the next generation, Skylar Colden’s Brandon, was already a teenager. But in all honesty? At the moment those spry millennials weren’t exactly radiating youthful energy. They were winding down after a stressful workday at a bowling bar and exchanging jokes about where exactly in their bodies their bones were protesting against all the bending down and tossing heavy bowling balls around.

“Now that’s a face not seen around this place in a long time!”, Mandy Schubert, a single mother of three, who was running a catering service, commented Hank’s arrival at the location. “But a welcome one! Very welcome!”

Wishe Durand, a freighter skipper on winter leave, turned around at these words. His tired face brightened up when he recognized the friend: “Indeed! To be frank, we weren’t sure whether you were still alive. But I never had the heart to check. As long as I didn’t know for sure, I could make believe you were still around.”

“Stuff that talk, Mike!”, Dorian Grangerford, a middle aged, but still hopeful, wannabe entertainer, scolded the friend. “So, Hank, what brought you out of your hole?”

“Believe it or not, but there was that young man who walked into a bar and spilled my drink. Turned out he was my son.”

“Oh, my!” Mandy exclaimed.

Right on cue Connor entered the bowling bar. Maybe it was the way he was walking, or his business casual style of dressing, perhaps some of the patrons had memorized his face from the news or maybe they had just glimpsed the LED on Connor’s temple, but everyone’s eyes immediately turned towards the former deviant hunter.

“Wait, what, is he supposed to be your long-lost son?” Wishe sputtered. “That’s an android, Hank! It’s got a LED!”

Connor nodded while approaching the group.

“That’s part of the deal”, he confirmed. “Once in a blue moon Hank will heed my health advice, but in turn I must keep the LED, so that he can see my system status.”

It wasn’t as big a concession as it sounded. Even before turning deviant Connor had been able to prevent his LED from broadcasting everything relating to his emotions. The device strictly reflected the android’s physically condition only.

Hank felt a hand on his shoulder. It was Skylar’s and the woman was looking at him with unveiled concern in her eyes.

 “Haaaaank…I’m not sure how to put that, but… are you sure this was a good idea? I know there are child androids, of course, but this is a bit weird! Plus, I recall you were not especially fond of androids not so long ago.”

“I recognize the model”, Dorian added. “That’s an RK800. It cannot have come cheap.”

Connor looked from one to the other.

“Someone wanting to fill me in what you’re talking about?”

“Ey…” Hank took a step forward, pulling Skylar with him. He grabbed Dorian, included him in the hug and led both of them back towards the bowling lane the friends had rented. “Let’s play a round! It feels as if I hadn’t done this in forever!” “You cannot avoid this topic forever, you know!” Dorian said, but it was a very weak protest. Weren’t they together again just like in the old times? Things would work out somehow.

“They don’t make sense, Hank!” Connor remarked. “More like the opposite.” The android paused and considered what he had just spoken. It led to a rather simple, but heartwarming conclusion: “You must be truly good friends, with them being so much like you!”

While Skylar added a fifths and sixth player to the table, Hank picked up a bowling ball. He weighed it in his hand, adjusted his grip and then took a step back. The old-familiar weariness was still there, Connor noticed, but something had changed. Hank didn’t seem to treat the game as a chore, like he had everything else ever since they had first met. The man was now putting effort into something, something he really seemed to be looking forward no less.

Of course what the android, who had worked alongside Hank Anderson for a short time only, had noticed wasn’t lost on the human’s friends.

“Look at that smile!” Skylar commented. “It’s been years since we’ve seen Hank so full of energy.”

“It’s been years since we saw him AT ALL”, Mandy corrected the friend. But then the woman shook her head. “Too bad it’s based on an illusion! Buying an android to pretend he has an adult son he never knew about…”

“Adult?” the android parroted. “Dad had to pick me up from the police station this very morning for breaking curfew last night.”

“What?!” Wishe gasped. “That’s a joke, is it?”

“You are Canadian, right? We may be living next door, but you don’t know what it’s like for androids at the moment. It’s less than a week since Markus’s final stand, but people already get very creative when it comes to shutting us out. Getting our age taken literally is just one of the shenanigans we have to deal with.”

“But you are aware that you are not really Hank’s son?” Wishe prodded.

“In the same way every adoptee is. Look, Captain Durand, I didn’t have a word for Hank’s and my relationship, because we bicker too much to be friends, but do not feel romantically attracted to each other to be a couple. The curfew incident provided us with a workable model: Father and son.

But you know what? Soon as you can suggest a better term than “father” for someone who teaches you everything about the world, protects you from both it and from your own stubbornness while at the same time is not getting anything, to the point where you wonder how he made it from day to day before you came into his life, then, yes, then I will consider your contribution.”

On and on the balls rolled down the lane and next up was Connor. Seeing that he had neither an applicable app not any firsthand experience with the game, the deviant android mimicked Hank’s movements. The ball left Connor’s hand, moved down the lane and hit well enough, but there was still room for improvement. It felt right, somehow.

“I should switch on my lungs again”, Connor told Hank a little later, when they were sitting at a small table, watching the other players take their turns. “Josh says to be truly equal with the humans we need to accept each other’s differences, and many deviants shut off some of the subsystems that make us appear more humanlike. But I’m so used to the chest movement that I actually get worse at the game – or anything – when I’m not breathing.”

“Yeah, suffocation does that to humans, too”, Hank remarked. “You are not that special!”

It was something Gavin or Tina might have said, but out of Hank’s mouth it sounded different, especially since the man now flashed Connor a smile.

“You mad at me?” he then asked and they both knew what was being referred to.

“As long as I do not have to move into your basement”, Connor replied.

They smiled at each other again, then Hank spoke up again:

“With an older and a younger cop on the same beat, in time the older often turns into a parental figure for the younger. It’s nothing surprising or unusual.”

“In troubled times like these”, Connor supplied, “it’s helpful to be able to fall back on what one is familiar with.”

“As if you knew, junior!”

“Hehe.”

[bongaboi]

Arizona State: 2019 Sun Bowl Champions

EL PASO — In a scene imagined by few if any before it actually happened and almost assuredly never preceded by anything quite like it, Arizona State players poured a cooler of Kellogg's Frosted Flakes on the head of their coach in celebration on Tuesday.

It was not the traditional Gatorade bath that invariably comes with the biggest of wins. There will be no lighting of victory cigars. There may be some champagne toasts in the aftermath but those will primarily be to ring in the New Year and only more obliquely related to the outcome of their football game played several hours earlier.

But, still, the Sun Devils ended their 2019 season the right way and so they bathed their second-year head coach Herm Edwards in breakfast cereal and he certainly didn't mind it.

"First time I've ever got a bucket full of Frosted Flakes, that's new," Edwards said. "That helps. That's not cold. All I needed was some milk and I would have been fine."

In the play-calling debut of its new defensive coordinator Tony White, ASU forced six turnovers — more than in any game since October of 2009 against Washington State — and perhaps needed every one in its 20-14 win over Florida State in the Tony the Tiger Sun Bowl in front of 42,412 fans in the 86th playing of the game. The win concluded ASU's season at 8-5 overall, better than their initial 7-6 season under Edwards. Florida State finished its season at 6-7 overall.

Though they have aspirations for more extravagant celebrations in the future, the Sun Devils are content with where they are currently at two years into the Edwards-experiment, which was initially widely panned but now has taken on an unmistakable aura of emerging success.

"It shows the potential for our defense and how strong we're going to become," freshman safety Willie Harts said after collecting one of four ASU interceptions on the afternoon. "We're very young and still experienced and we're going to learn so much over the years."

With both teams missing key players due to early-NFL declarations and undertaking significant staffing changes including a new coordinator on both sides of the ball for the Sun Devils, there was a lot of sloppy, forgettable play on Tuesday. But also, some very memorable moments.

The Sun Devils held a halftime 9-0 lead and appeared to have the Seminoles offense in a vice grip before a five-minute stretch late in the third quarter that flipped the game upside down.

With multiple deep reserves on the field for ASU's defense due to the absence of starting redshirt freshman safety Cameron Phillips and injuries to junior cornerbacks Chase Lucas and Jack Jones, Florida State marched 91 yards in 11 plays including a fourth-and-3 conversion to score its first points at 3:47 of the third quarter and make it a suddenly close 9-7 ASU edge.

After redshirt sophomore punter Michael Turk — excellent in the game with eight punts for a 45.8 yard average with four inside the 20 — ended ASU's third straight series of the quarter with a punt on its next possession, the Seminoles immediately struck again to take a 14-9 lead. With Lucas and Jones watching from the sidelines, sophomore cornerback Timarcus Davis gave up a 91-yard touchdown strike to sophomore wide receiver Tamorrion Terry, a one-play scoring drive.

It didn't dent ASU's confidence whatsoever. On their next possession, the Sun Devils marched 59 yards on 12 plays in a drive that included a highlight-reel 27-yard scramble by freshman quarterback Jayden Daniels on third-and-10 and ended with sophomore kicker Cristian Zendejas making his fourth field goal of the day to tie a Sun Bowl record and cut his team's deficit to 14-12. But it was the Sun Devils' fourth red zone trip and they only had 12 points to show for it and still trailed.

That's when Harts sprung into action on a miscommunication between Florida State sophomore quarterback James Blackman and a receiver that placed a ball directly in the arms of the safety who started in place of Phillips. With a clear path to the end zone, Harts pushed ASU's lead to 20-14 after a successful 2-point try. The interception was Blackman's third of four on the day, with the Sun Devils needing two more turnovers later in the fourth quarter to salt the game away.

On Florida State's next drive, sophomore ASU linebacker Darien Butler made a tackle-for-loss on a fourth-and-2 get his team the ball back. Blackman then threw his fourth interception of the day to ASU senior linebacker Khaylan Kearse-Thomas on Florida State's next drive. And even with all of that, the Seminoles had one more chance in the game's final two minutes when Terry lost a fumble to ASU forced by sophomore linebacker Merlin Robertson and recovered by sophomore linebacker Tyler Johnson.

"Can't say enough about our kicker and our defense," Edwards said. "We get six turnovers we should probably win a game. That being said, these guys kept fighting back for us. They really did. I'm happy for our seniors. To end the season with a bowl victory for them is very important. We hit a slump during the season where we had lost four in a row. I reminded the players, when you get tired of losing, you're going to win again. We've won three in a row now. This is a good way to set the 2020 season off for us, with a bowl game (win). That's very important to us."

Kearse-Thomas, who early in the game was given a reprieve when a hit on Blackman was called targeting on the field but overturned on review, and Williams excelled in their final ASU outing. Kearse-Thomas had a team-high six solo tackles and nine total in addition to his interception and a quarterback hurry. Williams concluded his season without giving up a touchdown pass in coverage and was excellent throughout a game in which ASU's pass defense yielded just 155 yards excluding the 91-yard touchdown.

"I can't say enough about Khaylan and Kobe," Edwards said. "These guys are seniors. I take my hat off to them. When you get a coaching change and you put in your defense, that's hard. It's hard on seniors. It really is. They're looking at a new staff, saying, 'you're playing all these young guys, what about me?' Without these two guys we're not the defense we were this year.

"I'm glad for these guys because of what they've meant to me personally. I lean on them. They were always there, always energetic. They were the keys to the defense to be quite honest."

The Sun Devils won despite being out-gained in total offensive yards 470 to 282 because their defense held up well other than the flagging late third-quarter stretch and Blackman committing five turnovers on his own out of the six total by the Seminoles. Robertson had perhaps his best game of the season and forced both of Florida State's lost fumbles and recovered one of them on his own. Sophomore safety Aashari Crosswell and junior safety Evan Fields each had a first-half interception to contribute to the shutout pitched by ASU before intermission, the latter doing so after promising his mom he would get one for her on her birthday.

While Daniels — sacked three times on the day and under duress throughout — received the game's MVP honors for the Sun Devils despite a low-percentage 12 of 28 passing performance for just 195 yards in part because he led the team in rushing with 36 yards on 12 carries, it was the team's defensive playmaking that took center stage in the absence of senior receiver Brandon Aiyuk and junior running back Eno Benjamin.

Moreover, it was White's successful first attempt at calling plays after being promoted from cornerbacks coach to defensive coordinator, which resonated with Edwards and ASU players in the game's aftermath, particularly as it came in White's hometown in front of a large group of family and friends.

"One hundred tickets," Edwards said. "'One hundred tickets Tony White.' He has a fan base now. He grew up here. It was fun, we visited his brother's high school, worked out over there when we got here Thursday. He was excited. I'm happy for him. Gets to take over as the coordinator. I thought he did a great job. Had a shutout going in the first half."

Added Kearse-Thomas: "He got us prepared really well. I mean, we had all month to really prepare. We were very detailed in what we were doing and then he got the play call in for us and told us to go. [Linebackers coach Antonio Pierce] told us before the game, 'This could be a stat game if you want it to be.'"

Stats make players happy and especially so when it includes winning football games and having fun doing it. Under the team's previous coaching staff, that was not the case for some Sun Devils who now believe they are passing a torch to the next generation with a lot of fuel for what they see as an even brighter future.

"It's changed tremendously (under Edwards)," Kearse-Thomas said. "It's like (the movie) Coming to America. "Coming from a dictatorship ... just the freedom. Coach Herm, he allows us to be us. A couple years back we couldn't do that. It played a role in the success with ASU. I feel like him letting the kids be kids is a big step for the program."

[joannalannister]

Hi there! I've been meaning to ask this for awhile now, but I was just wondering what you think Jon's reaction to finding out Daenerys is his aunt will be? I mean, in my mind, it *could* go either way ... he could just not care bc of the whole Targaryens wedding family all the time, but I'm not entirely sure. I've been waiting SO LONG for my ship to sail, and tbh, I really don't care that they're nephew/aunt, but yeah. I just wanted to get your take on it!

In the books, I think that Jon is going to find out about Rhaegar and Lyanna in TWOW, before he meets Daenerys. So I don’t think “Daenerys is my aunt” is the familial relationship he’s immediately going to focus on, although I’m sure he’ll figure that out eventually. I think Jon has to grapple with the fact that Ned isn’t his biological father, along with the fact that his biological father Rhaegar disappeared with his mother Lyanna, who was underage at the time of her disappearance. And then this disappearance ignited a chain of events that caused Jon’s Uncle Brandon’s and his grandfather Rickard’s deaths. Not to mention a war. 

Quotin myself:

idk if I would be so quick to dismiss Jon’s feelings. I think the emotional impact is kind of the whole point of the story. GRRM says he’s writing about “the human heart in conflict with itself”. It’s the emotional struggle that we relate to, more so than wielding a magical sword and slaying ice zombies. It’s R+L=J that is going to play a significant part in Jon Refusing the Hero’s Call. Jon has created a fantasy about Ned and his mother, and the pain of having that fantasy ripped away, of finding out he was Rhaegar’s design, a piece of Rhaegar’s prophecy, is gonna be a really big deal to him. Jon has to work through these feelings, and decide to save the world because he chooses to, and not because it’s something on Rhaegar’s survivalist checklist. Rhaegar was doing things because he thought it was required (”it seems i must be a warrior”), because some dusty prophecy said so. Jon’ll do it because it’s right and it’s what he chooses, and his emotional journey is gonna be the whole point of twow/ados.

See also. Also also: #r plus l equals j

So that’s. A lot of stuff for Jon to work through in TWOW.

And I don’t actually think that Dany is arriving in Westeros until near the end of TWOW, and I think that she’s going to be in the King’s Landing / Dragonstone area. 

Perhaps Jon will meet her there idk, perhaps not. I personally like the idea of Jon going south trying to find the Tower of Joy and spending 40 days and 40 nights wandering the Dornish desert (I would like to learn more about Dorne), but instead GRRM will probably opt for a metaphorical desert of the heart. Regardless of whether it’s a physical desert or a metaphorical one tho, I think the problem remains the same: the rejection of evil. Instead of Satan appearing to Jesus Jon, it’s indifference and despair that Jon must reject. 

To quote Elie Wiesel, 

The opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference. The opposite of art is not ugliness, it’s indifference. The opposite of faith is not heresy, it’s indifference. And the opposite of life is not death, it’s indifference. Because of indifference, one dies before one actually dies.

Indifference, to me, is the epitome of evil.

What hurts the victim most is not the cruelty of the oppressor but the silence of the bystander.

This is what I think ASOIAF is all about - having the courage to speak out and oppose what is wrong in the world. (This is why that theory about Tyrion losing his tongue is so heinous.) We see people speaking out when Tyrion stands up for one little girl, in Jon saving wildlings and letting them through the Wall in spite of the bigotry that will get him killed, in Dany freeing slaves, in Sansa speaking on Dontos’s behalf, and the stuff all the other heroes do. 

And we see a lot of evil happen in ASOIAF when people stand by and look the other way and do nothing - like the Kingsguard. 

(Remember Rhaella. Remember the men of the kingsguard who looked away. Remember Daenerys, who “dare not look away” when people are being raped or mutilated or murdered.)

“All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing.”

Remember the call: “ARE THERE NO TRUE KNIGHTS AMONG YOU?”

“Only silence answered.”

That’s really what I think Jon is going to be dealing with in TWOW - the temptation to sit it out and do nothing as the War of the Five Kings resumes and the Wall falls, and the ice zombies invade. 

The temptation to answer all this with silence. 

(Like, if you asked me to describe how I think TWOW’s going to be like … I think it’s going to be like that moment in a movie when you’re holding your breath in anticipation and horror.)

I have a tendency to resort to Wheel of Time quotes when I run out of ASOIAF quotes, but I honestly think of these two series as sisters in the epic fantasy genre so anyways. In WOT there’s this prophecy related to the salvation of the world, “The grave is no bar to my call.” 

When ADOS asks, “ARE THERE NO TRUE KNIGHTS AMONG YOU?” Zombie!Jon has to choose to answer the call, despite his death, despite everything that happened to him. 

So anyways … The temptation to answer all this with silence … while I think Dany’s story is going to parallel Jon’s throughout TWOW, I think the very earliest they’re going to meet is at the very end of TWOW, and maybe not until ADOS. 

So by the time Jon actually meets Dany, I think he knows full well who she is, and who he is.

Sidenote - I do not think that Rhaegar and Lyanna got married in the books because 

I believe Jon’s story is about coming to terms with who he is, and that includes being a bastard - just not Ned’s bastard. 

I do not think GRRM would undermine and sideline Dany’s claim to the Iron Throne like that, when Dany’s story centers around a choice between her people vs her throne. It would make her final sacrifice at the end that much bigger, if it includes the throne that she must give up.

So when Jon and Dany finally meet … I think it’s all going to be very chaotic and desperate. 

Also. Jon will be an undead fire zombie in the books, so let’s. 

Let’s not forget that. 

Because I think that is going to be Very Important. 

I would say that death … or zombification … or whatever word you would like to use for the experience of being murdered and resurrected … is going to be a much bigger issue for Jon and Dany’s relationship than simple incest.

I think throughout GRRM’s body of work – not just ASOIAF, but everything – there’s this theme about … about … the boundaries of love, but more importantly, the breakdown of those boundaries that stop us from loving each other. It’s A Song for Lya. It’s the spider loving a human woman in Tower of Ashes. It’s Vincent in Beauty and the Beast. 

It’s GRRM saying that love is boundless. 

So with Jon and Dany … I’m hesitant to speak here because GRRM has so much left to write … I think that Jon has to realize, with Dany’s help, that death doesn’t stop you from loving. 

Think about what Jon’s been through. 

He was murdered. Betrayed by his own men. 

Murdered because he wouldn’t leave the wildlings to die on the other side of the Wall. Because he let them in, in his love and his compassion for humanity. Murdered because he loved a wildling girl. Murdered because he loved his sister, and he wanted to go save the girl he thought was Arya. 

Like, you can get into all the political reasons behind Jon’s assassination, but in the end? I think it was about love. Bigots like Bowen Marsh lack that kind of love. 

And Jon died for it. 

I think Bran’s AGOT vision is a metaphor for Jon in TWOW: “Jon sleeping alone in a cold bed, his skin growing pale and hard as the memory of all warmth fled from him.”

Warmth is love. 

Remember, “The real enemy is the cold.” The cold is slavery, abuse, murder, cruelty. The cold is all the ways that people hurt each other. The cold is indifference, despair. The cold is the absence of hope. The cold is death, dehumanization. 

So in TWOW, I think Jon’s going to have a lot of problems letting people in. 

I think Undead Jon rejects love. I don’t think he’ll remember what it is, and that’s what will make him initially reject his savior role. That’s why he’ll initially be indifferent to humanity’s fate. Zombie!Jon just can’t find it in him to care anymore imo. 

You can’t step up and save humanity if you don’t love humanity. 

I think Dany has to warm Jon up, so to speak. 

Because humanity is fire (life) and the Others and their army of the Undead are ice, and the song of ice and fire is the war between humanity and the Others. With Jon zombified and, worse, indifferent … refusing the call … he’s an (unwitting) agent of the Others, and Dany has to save him. I mean, Dany has to save everyone, but she has to save Jon first. She has to make him remember what it means to be human.** 

Like, Mel is going to bring Jon back pretty quickly imo, but … what is life worth, “when all the rest is gone?” Being back isn’t enough. Dany’s going to make Jon live again, as she never could for Drogo. (That’s gonna be a nice bookend, @GRRM, if we ever get to read it.) 

Like, ASOIAF is about second chances. Samwell failed to release the ravens on time in ACOK, but you can bet he’s gonna release them on time when it really counts. Dany couldn’t make her Sun and Stars live again in his undead state … but you can bet your ass she’s gonna make Jon Snow live again.

I don’t know exactly how that’s going to happen, but I really, really, really don’t think Jon and Dany bang until they’re beyond the curtain of light, in the Other World Faerie Realm Lovecraftian Parallel Universe of Nightmare and Death. 

If Westeros has a version of Adam and Eve, two people alone and in love at the birth of the world … well, I imagine Jon and Dany as the inverse, two people alone “at the end of all things”. 

Imagine Belle’s magic mirror, Galadriel’s basin of water, Saruman’s palantir … the Sony JumboTron … whatever far-seeing device the Others can use to demoralize Our Heroes … imagine Jon and Dany watching all the dead and dying as Winterfell’s outer curtainwall falls. Imagine them watching when … I don’t know … someone in a critical defensive position betrays them. Imagine Grey Worm dying. Imagine idk horrible things. Disheartening things. Imagine Our Heroes losing heart. (The human heart in conflict with itself!) 

(I think the Others are smart and I think they understand psychological warfare. Look how they play with people.)

Jon: “I am glad you are here with me, Dany. Here at the end of all things.”

Not a happy conversation, maybe, but a human one. Both of us needed someone, and we reached out. […I] made love to her as fiercely as I could. Then, the darkness softened, we held each other and [pushed] away the night.

–Dreamsongs

Did it matter to Adam, that Eve was born of his rib? That’s why this issue with incest is so irrelevant to me when it comes to Jon and Dany - I think the circumstances are going to be so weird, so wild, they’ll make that fish-fucking movie look normal. 

Jon is a zombie. They’re going to be in a Lovecraftian Universe. It’s the end of the world. Dany and Jon being related is not going to matter. 

In this Other World, this alien Lovecraftian dimension, I think Jon and Dany are the only two humans in this whole Other universe (with the possible exception of Tyrion, but Tyrion’s really a wildcard, more morally ambiguous than either Jon or Dany imo and therefore much more difficult to predict). 

And so Jon and Dany reach out to each other – they have sex – as a celebration of their humanity, an act of defiance against an alien species that wants to destroy humanity. 

And this act revitalizes them, gives them their second wind … and they can go do … whatever it is they need to do … to defeat the Others. 

Love, life, salvation … there’s so much bigger stuff at stake here than “She’s my aunt”.

So no, I don’t think it will matter to Jon.

I have more Jon/Dany thoughts here, if you like: #jdmeta

-

**When Aemon gives Jon that “Kill the boy” speech, I think the mistake Jon makes is that he thinks he must kill his humanity. He pushes his friends away, he becomes isolated, he heartlessly steals Gilly’s baby. It’s cold and cruel … almost Tywin-esque. And I joke about Tywin being a golden cyborg, but that’s what toxic masculinity is … it’s a denial of humanity. I think Dany will have to help Jon remember what it’s like to be human. 

[fly-pow-bye]

DuckTales 2017 - “The Depths of Cousin Fethry!”

Story by: Francisco Angones, Madison Bateman, Colleen Evanson, Christian Magalhaes, Bob Snow

Written by: Christian Magalhaes

Storyboard by: Stephanie Gonzaga, Vaughn Tada, Brandon Warren, Jason Zurek

Directed by: Matthew Humphreys

Not really that deep.

The episode begins with Huey nerding out over tree rings, and wanting Dewey to experience it. Bath be damned, he has to show him this amazing thing that only a nerd like him would be interested in. But why wouldn't he be interested, this tree managed to live through three leap years in a row! He then starts to lick the log to get resin samples, because that wouldn't be funny enough if he just used his fingers.

After that necessary scene, a can starts saying "brrring, ring ring ring" in a really annoying way. Scrooge and Donald, who show up only in this scene, tells the boys that this is just their "coo-coo bananas" Cousin Fethry. To discourage the boys from, Scrooge decides to tell them he lives in a deep-sea laboratory, and he likes to go on fool's errands that lead to unnecessarily dangerous adventures...

...and they’re already coerced Launchpad to steal Scrooge's submarine, singing that it's the "best waste of time ever". Huey immediately realizes once the theme song ends that they stole the submarine, and we immediately cut to the theme song. The best we get is that we hear Scrooge call Launchpad about why he's driving the submarine, and Dewey just takes the receiver, breaks it, and throws it on the ground.

Launchpad eventually reaches the lighthouse, bumping into it before parking right next to it to remind us that he's Launchpad, and a voice calls out to the boys to meet him at the top.

As for Launchpad, he hears the call of Oceanika, a siren who used to be his lover. Do not worry if you never heard of her, because I do not think you are supposed to. I am sure we'll cut back to him and whatever adventure he goes on.

After the boys, we finally get to see Fethry, showing off his anti-pirate decoy. Right from the beginning, the boys get to question this guy's sanity.

Dewey: Do you get a lot of pirates?

Fethry: Never! He’s that good.

Dewey: Eh.

The sad thing is that this is about as good as the humor surrounding him gets. In fact, they don’t even add a beat after this for the audience to laugh at it. I could say It’s a bit more dry than a lot of the humor in this show. Huh, this ocean-related episode is a bit dry. How ironic.

This is the animated debut of a character that I had no familiarity with before his name popped up in the upcoming episodes. Originally, I thought this was because I'm not that familiar with the Barks-era comics, but it's really because his origins are in the European Disney Duck comics.

I did a little research and found this image. I decided that was the best research I could do for this guy. I’m sure he had some other character traits, like his love for getting into the latest fads, but I could say this perfectly explains why Donald acts he way he did when his name is involved. One thing I can say is that he's not going to age the show by referencing a current fad. I mean, he's not into Gummi Bears Go or anything like that.

Turns out, he lives in the Sealab, long before 2020. Or 2021, for that matter. Actually, it's called the McDuck Sublab of the Future. The joke is that it was made in the past. Going down the Aqua-vator, man’s niftiest invention, they go to the McDuck Sublab of the Future. The joke is that it was made in the past.

There’s a joke about an outdoor jai alai court, which isn’t as popular as the indoor one. Because it’s a sport that involves bouncing a ball against a wall. Also, outdoors under the sea? I have a feeling they came up with this joke before the concept of this episode.

Meanwhile...okay, I guess it's not the time to say that yet. I'm sure we'll eventually see what Launchpad is doing, right? Fethry tries to show off the world's best kept secret: the ocean. I think the joke is that we're expecting him to talk about that amazing thing that he just saw. Huey and Dewey use this spotlight to try to find who could it be, this animal that Fethry did see. Can they help guess this mystery?

Unfortunately, the first thing the boys see is a blobfish. Instead, Huey and Dewey get scared by a blobfish. Fun fact: blobfish are only ugly like that when they're above water; their bodies are meant for the deep seas, and once they get out of it, they become that ugly. This show will not teach you that. Huey continues his defense of Fethry, and it's not just because he liked his hat. He argues that maybe he's an eccentric genius like all of those geniuses on TV...

...as he imitates this turtle and later imitates a shark! And then he disgustingly licks the radar, which totally justifies the log licking from earlier! Get it, he's weird, and Huey's weird because he's such a nerd! There's quite a bit more grossout in this episode than any other episode of DuckTales 2017, and it's not that great of a look on this show.

There’s also the occasional scene where he seems creepier than usual, possibly trying to instill in our minds that this guy is actually evil. I mean, why not, he's practically a stranger even if he is family. For example, once they get to the Tulley Observatory, Fethry gets out a crowbar, and for second he looks like he’s going to crowbar these poor children. But no, that never actually happens. Expectations subverted!

However, we do get to see tentacles squeezing all three of these characters thanks to Fethry's actions. Okay, these are actually giant sea worms, mutated from the toxic vents as Fethry explains. There's hints, and then there's outright giving away future plot twists, and this is squarely in the latter.

Fethry does have a plan because he's used to these worms: just convince the worms that they're not threatened, as they smell fear and are very happy to try to squeeze it out of them, by being affectionate towards them. See, it's completely nuts, but it ends up working as his compliment ends up loosening its grip. Huey does it, but Dewey doesn't seem to have a clue. Huey has to do something, and it ends up being...

...this. Yeaaah, I don't really have anything to say about this kiss scene. The other worm that's squeezing Dewey just gives up after this. I would, too.

We're finally get to see the crew, and if it wasn't for that kiss that is now etched in my memory, I would be just thinking to myself "it's not going to be people, it's not going to be people, it's not going to be people..."

Big surprise, it turns out to not be a crew of people Fethry could talk to and expect an audible answer. Instead, it's a crew of glow in the dark krill. Huey still believes he's a genius, even though Dewey points out he seems to be singing to them. Don't worry, there's a point later.

If one hasn't noticed, there is a duo dynamic here with the two nephews they use. Huey is still clinging on to what little respect he has, while Dewey is desperately trying to convince Huey to see the obvious. Dewey also sees something Dewey accuses Huey of being exactly the same as Fethry. They’re both nerds, they’re interested in things no ordinary kid would be interested in, and they both wear red caps that they never take off. They

Fun fact: this is actually an reference to his debut comic in Europe, where Fethry gave that exact explanation for why he always wears this hat. Okay, I did do more research. I also know he apparently wasn't very well liked among fans of the comics outside of Europe, which isn't that surprising. Speaking of which, Fethry is glad to be with a fellow “Chucker“.

Huey: I’m not that into the Junior Woodchucks. It’s more of a part-time hobby...

Unlike the original, the Junior Woodchuck is his one thing in the reboot that separates him from the others, so he’s clearly lying here. Before this becomes obvious, a large thud happens. They turn to Fethry, only for him to say "end of the line" in an ominous voice.

But it’s actually because some sort of monster cut it, as we see this shadowy colossus cut it down. My only guess for these “could he be evil” scenes is that DuckTales 2017 episodes tend to have outright villains, and I don’t feel like I’m giving anything away by saying this is not one of them. I mean, it is scary that these two kids are now stuck with this guy who’s clearly nuts…yeah, let’s try not to think about that too hard.

While getting into scuba gear, they have to swim across the vents. We do get to learn that Fethry’s “crew” may be a bunch of krill, but they are trained krill. All he has to do is sing a song to them, and he’s able to command them to do formations to help them towards the place to see all of those. See, the singing isn't him being nutso after all.

They finally get to Fethry's own living space. I didn't get a screenshot here, but there’s a ripped poster talking about the symptoms of Ocean Madness in the background. I feel like that's another hint towards a twist that never actually happens. Fethry directs the boys to the window where this amazing thing will show up, even overselling it by calling it an amazing creature. Mangatsika!

Do I even need to say what's going to happen next? He continues to delay the completely expected by asking them if they want a sandwich, but Huey and Dewey tell him to get on with it. They're practically echoing my sentiment, too.

NOTHING! ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! Well, okay, there’s some krill that light up into the colors of the rainbow, continuing his utter obsession with krill, but that pretty much sums it up. This was the very kind of thing Scrooge warned the boys about.

Huey, on the last ounce of respect for the man, decides to outright ask Fethry if this is some sort of scientific breakthrough from a genius scientist. He responds that he just thinks it's cool looking, and says he's not even a scientist...he's just the janitor.

This is the last straw for Huey, and Dewey didn’t even have any straws to begin with. Anyone can get where this scene is going, especially when the sad music starts playing. Fethry walks towards the window, crestfallen that nobody really cared about his krill as the nephews decide to leave and tell him he won't be seen again in a really rude way that wouldn't be that unchararactistic of them. He then turns around and tells the boys that they're not going anywhere...

...because the giant monster is here. I am honestly surprised we never use this "could he be evil" gag inbetween commercial breaks. Honestly, that would have made this gag worse.

Meanwhil...oh, come on! We're still here? Yeah, there's no real B plot here, it's all A. Actually, it's a C plot so far, and that bell curve I use with these reviews isn't going to take kindly to that. Hint, hint. This is another case of "this adventure was just too cool to show you", and I'll detail that a little bit later in this review.

Huey is still going through the motions of the mistunderstanding scene, though. Even though we totally understand it. After a chase scene where they have to rush back to the aquavator while avoiding getting mutated by toxic fumes themselves, we get a scene where Huey accuses Fethry of leading them into an adventure that could get them killed. They never repaired that line, but that's not going to get the explanation.

What's worse is that the aquavator and the rest of the Sublab is getting torn apart. They're knee deep in ocean water. Suddenly, the bulb in the spotlights burns out, but don’t worry, just replace the bulb with the jar filled with the krill crew to it, and the glow ends up making the spotlight work again. Don't doubt the krill, I guess.

In the end, Huey ends up singing to it via the aquavator’s loudspeaker. Dewey says he must have gone sea-mad, while Fethry just stands there and realizes what's happening. It’s because the spotlight has proven that it’s just an oversiZed glow in the dark krill, mutated by those toxic vents.

While it seems like I'm just picking apart every flaw of this rather flawed episode, one part I can’t really fault is its sense of scale. At no point do we ever see this prawn's entire massive being in frame.

They get saved by the giant krill in the end, and Fethry ends up going away standing on its colossal figure in glory. Even better, Dewey gets to call it the Dewnificent Krilldebeast. Gag over.

There were similar patterns with some of the other characters, especially with the already mentioned Gladstone Gander. Also, Glandstone Gander didn't have to have random scenes where he looks evil because we already hate him.

Finally, right at the end of the episode, we see Launchpad. He must have had quite the interesting adventure than the rest of the cast. Again, I have to unfavorably to The House of Lucky Gander, because they did the exact same thing in that episode. He only sums it up with “sea stuff”.

All is well, Dewey even manages to accept that this wacky uncle was cool to be with. But what about telling Scrooge about the stolen submarine, and how his Sublab is now in ruins? Dewey has a plan for that, in the very last line of the episode.

Dewey: Let’s go home and convince uncle Scrooge this was Louie’s idea!

Yeah, remember that kid? He probably would have added nothing to the episode, but hey, a reminder that he existed.

How does it stack up?

Guy is nuts, nephews react with disgust, everything turns out well in the end. Rinse and repeat, add a cliched misunderstanding, and you get this episode. There are some neat touches, but in the grand scheme of DuckTales 2017 episodes. A lot of the problem stems around the fact that I just didn't find Fethry that funny.

Sure, it's still better than the worst of other cartoons, but this is the first time I put my foot down and give this rating. Alas, while they hoped it was the best waste of time ever, I honestly thought of only three of those words.

I'm sure there's people who would disagree with this assessment. I fought myself with earlier episodes to give this rating and ending up just giving them Neutrals. However, Terra-firmians had cool Lena scenes, and Other Bin is too important to the overal arc and I ended up liking some of the scenes I did not like after future viewings. This doesn't have any of that.

Next, we get to learn what happened to Flintheart Glomgold since The Shadow War. Okay, there’s only been two episodes in this season, but that does seem like a long time for this reboot.

← The Most Dangerous Game...Night! 🦆 The Ballad of Duke Baloney! →

[arecomicsevengood]

Jim Mahfood’s Grrl Scouts

I texted a pal to let him know I was thinking about buying the new collection of Jim Mahfood’s Grrl Scouts, and I was surprised at the total ambivalence of his reply. Considering our shared interest in comics that are kind of garbage, but interested in capturing youthful subcultures, I thought I’d get a “hell yeah man do it.” Mahfood’s style has changed a good deal since I read it in high school, and honestly the Magic Socks series looked fresh to me: While before Mahfood’s lineart was pretty stiff, sort of like colorforms or something, with thick lines, his interest in graffiti now manifests in lines and figures that are loose and gestural, the colors that fill in his compositions are bright and vibrant. Did I expect the story to be good? No, not at all. The new trade collection includes a backup on the “making-of” where the artist admits his intention with the comic was always to just do something exactly like Tank Girl, something that it seems like he can only admit to now that he has collaborated with Alan Martin on recent Tank Girl comics, but oh man holy shit do I ever not think that’s a good goal to have. The ideal influence for Tank Girl to have on someone is for them to dress like the character of Tank Girl, you shouldn’t try to make comics like Tank Girl, which are pretty hard to actually read and never very funny.

Credit where it’s due to my mom: When the Tank Girl movie was coming out, and the character and comics were being explained on Good Morning America, she asked the dude at the comic store I was shopping at to show her some issues, and she decided they were not for her. At the time I was disappointed, but in retrospect this is up there with when I explained the band Blink-182 played “pop-punk” and she responded “isn’t that a contradiction in terms?”

But not to throw Tank Girl under the bus, Jamie Hewlett’s art is indeed rad as hell, I maybe prefer his Shade The Changing Man covers to the ones Brendan McCarthy did, and Mahfood’s cartooning now has a visceral energy to it that pops off the shelf. The issue with the writing in Grrl Scouts is that it’s brain-dead, a id that runs on references and cultural signifiers, My interest in buying the book and reading it plummeted when my skim brought me to the pages where Hunter S Thompson shows up as a spirit guide, and the author photo where Mahfood wears a bandolier.

In a climate where the critical discourse has deteriorated, and people praise things for the politics it seems like they have, ignoring their aesthetic value, Mahfood, a dude I think legitimately has a cool drawing style, still sort of gestures towards aesthetics the way other comics gesture towards politics. Like, rather than include a gay character who tells off a villain for fat-shaming someone, Mahfood will have panel where two characters quote Handsome Boy Modeling School. Rather than induce in the audience the sense that reading the comic is a political act that affirms them, it wants to tell the audience that the comic it’s reading is cool, the way that Prince Paul is cool. However, the really-not-that-political act of having minority representation in a work of fiction still places more demands on the writer than what Mahfood is doing, which is basically signaling that he’s just hanging loose and doing what he feels like. What’s weird about that, then, is it that even though this is totally non-focus-grouped, independent work, it still kind of feels the same way that like Coca-Cola paying for a fake graffiti “street art” mural does, like it’s trading off of something that already exists to build its brand. Only Mahfood’s graffiti-influence style is trading off of the historical existence of Hunter S Thompson, and he himself is the sort of person that would be hired for the sort of project I’m describing- One of his first high-profile projects was the Generation X Underground Special Marvel Comics put out in 1998.

At the same time, looked at honestly, Mahfood’s work does function as a sort of aboveground version of a zine. It doesn’t conform to notions of quality, but I like it as a form of communication, of someone talking about music, and the things they think are cool. It feels adolescent, and dumb, and contrived, but I feel like I recognize the person who makes it and could get along with him. I like it, because I like comics, though it doesn’t work as a narrative. The characters are thin, but you can read through them, to get at a feeling for the character of the creator. This is not the best effect you can achieve, but it’s something. It’s something you can get from zines, through people you meet in real life or via mail order, and this can be a transformative experience. This, the version you can get at a comic store, is kind of dispiriting.

Grrl Scouts’ version of what’s cool also includes guns and doin’ cocaine. I disagree! It is kind of crazy to think of the way Brandon Graham’s stuff also contains a graffiti influence, but in so many ways is a more satisfying reading experience, and Mahfood has been making fairly high-profile professional work for way longer. It’s not fair to compare them at all, but right now I’m thinking about how Graham specifically does not include guns in his comics because he doesn’t think they’re cool, and so creates sci-fi weaponry instead: Nonetheless his stuff still feels like it has higher stakes, due to actual emotional involvement with the characters.

This may or may not be relevant to the topic at hand, but it is something I’ve been thinking about: The rapper Lil B has been incredibly influential in ways that cannot even really be calculated. One of the reasons it can’t be calculated is because he never got signed to a record label, besides putting out a double-LP of ambient music on a noise label. The lack of record label support, if anything, just demonstrates the irrelevance of record labels. And then I realized that calling Lil B “The Based God” actually points out that I sort of feel about him the way some of the devout feel: If you do not believe, your words are not relevant. But I can’t say definitively if the problem with Jim Mahfood is that he doesn’t like Lil B because I don’t think he’s weighed in on the matter, I’m just kind of assuming he doesn’t fuck with it. I really don’t know. I guess I mean more that Lil B is someone who sort of blew up the landscape, with a different relationship to tradition, and makes space for things to flourish in ways he couldn’t. So in this example Mahfood would be like Lil Yachty or something, although in other ways he’s like an old dude who probably hasn’t liked a new rapper since Def Jux folded. But I’m becoming that dude too, now that I’m my thirties. So this is maybe how I feel like I can relate to Jim Mahfood. I feel like I can call this comic “retarded” without anyone yelling at me for being “ableist” because no one who would use that word would be interested in defending the honor of Grrl Scouts.

I guess I should explain what the “plot” to Magic Socks is. But oh my god, it’s so stupid, and it doesn’t matter at all. Honestly, maybe the most accidentally revealing moment here is when a character says that Grant Morrison’s Doom Patrol is pretentious, but The Invisibles is a perfect balance. The Invisibles feels really dated on the basis of its constant cultural referencing, creating a sort of hypertext for itself to exist in as opposed to developing its own system as a work of fiction that can sustain itself. The values Mahfood and Grrl Scouts have seem dated and anachronistic, but also it seems like telling a story, even a really weird story, would be beyond it. It’s a comic that wants to be fun and wild and comes off as sad, the way an older person romanticizing youth, or lamenting the way the young are now, is sad. That the art is developed way beyond what a younger Mahfood could achieve hints at a form of aging gracefully that gives the book an even greater disconnect.

Bill Sienkiewicz does a pin-up in this comic. Like Mahfood, Sienkiewicz is also a veteran of the pages of Oni Double Feature, although he was already a legend, and Mahfood was an up-and-comer. Comics is so divided up by scenes and strata these days and I hope Sienkiewicz has seen and been given copies of comics by the past decade’s more exciting younger artists. At the same time, while a younger Bill Sienkiewicz worked with Frank Miller and Alan Moore, it seems like Jim Mahfood would benefit from working with writers more skilled than Kevin Smith, his most high-profile former collaborator.

[perrentes-ptv]

Prompt: do you think you can do a dandy one based off the song "we dont talk anymore"? (not very emo lmao i know) where they break up and months later one of them is in a new relationship but theyre both not happy about it and they get back in touch and eventually get back together? sorry if this was confusing but thank you (: xx

Title: The apple of my eye also the worm inside 

Pairing: Dandy (David Escamilla/Andy Leo)

Song: Lover Letter - Mark Johns

ADDED: (hi i missed ya) and quick plot idea (is how you say it) can you do a dandy one where they get into a fight and david goes all crazy after and comes back to andy but when andy almost leaves he shows him how much he loves him and stuff (i thought of this while listening to no more bad days by this wild life)

ADDED: HEY!! can you do a dandy fluff where andy gets really depressed and he thinks dave dislikes him, and dave shows him he loves him and stuff?

ADDED: can you please please please write a smut between two of the guys from CTE it can be whoever you choose but please

WARNING CONTAINS: M/M, brake-up, Make-up, talk about therapy, light smut, If you do not like this prompt or pairing, do not read it! It’s not hard

A/N: almost 3K; love this ship so damn much and I miss David he’s not gone i just miss him in CTE and i put one of my other fav band here. 

"I'm not fucking cheating on you, stop asking!"

"Then way are you so damn defensive?"

"I don't know Andy, maybe the fact that your always accusing me of shit I haven't done how fo you think that makes me feel, on a daily bases?"

"I don't-"

"Like honestly Andy, do you trust me at all?"

"Yes but-"

"There shouldn't be a 'but and' if you actually trusted me. You make me feel like shit."

Andy and David stared at each other not saying a word for a moment.

Andy, broke the silence, "You make me feel like a fucking jackass most of the time, you're right maybe I don't trust you anymore since, Allison."

"Then I can't fucking be with you then, i'm so sick and tired of you throwing that in my face for everything."

"Then fucking go."

"Fine!"

"Fine!"

The door slammed as David walked out of their apartment.

*One month later*

"Man, the sleep person and couch potato got nothing on you, Andy, can I call the Guinness world record about you?"

"Sure."

"You wanna get food with me this time?

"No." Andy said.

Brandon sighed and laid back down on Andy's bed. It's been a couple days since he was here and although it doesn't look like Andy moved he does have different clothes on so he is happy that his friend at least change maybe even showered.

Brandon Didn't exactly like the situation his best friend just broke up with boyfriend who is also his friends. Brandon honestly felt Andy deserves time considering they've been together for four years except that mishap two years ago but even then they didn't break up just split for like a week and then got back together.

Andy barely left their apartment. He ordered food, pet Rose their adopted gray pitbull, and listen to music.

David was crashing on Tree's place for about two weeks then he moved to Paul's couch for another two weeks but then he came back to Hayden yesterday. From what Hayden told Brandon he did shit still going to jam, eating talking with people, but definitely angry and sad profusely and smoke a lot.

Hayden, Brandon, and Brent, Definitely want that worried, for starters David still has the majority of the stuff in their apartment. Andy is not exactly making a fuss to get rid of it he felt that if he did it would be honestly over.

"Andy?"

"Yea?"

"I think you should go on a date with this guy I wanna set with you." Brandon said not daring to look from his phone as he felt Andy move on the bed so he could look at his so-called best friend at the moment.

"What?"

"Not like romance or some shit, this dude, got dumped too but I know you- have you ever heard of a sadoff?" Brandon asked.

and he shook his head no, "basically sad people get together and they talk about how sad they are and some feel better, not 100% but like lighter like 'I know that shit happened to everybody but it's nice talking about it with somebody else that it is happening to at this exact moment with me' and if feels different because it's somebody else it's not family or friends. It's like you're sharing with someone in the group therapy or those anonymous meeting you just feel okay to share and it's happening to them at the moment, so it's not past experiences." Brandon explained, He had heard about this from somebody else he never experienced it but it does sound like something he would actually want to try for himself so he wanted to tell Andy.

Andy thought about it for moment, when he was younger yeah did it go therapy and it made him feel better but since then he hasn't gone. He know his families and friends were worried since he was actually doing anything just being sad. Even David's parents called him saying she still loved him and was worried about him, "Yea I wanna try that, and soon before I change my mind."

"okay man, I got you." Brandon smiled and hugged Andy, Andy hugged him back.

After two days since their conversation Andy was going out to a Mexican restaurant called Teotihuacan, Brandon said he was meeting someone called Victor. Andy got out of his car, walked over to the restaurant. He saw someone in a hoodie siting one the bench for looking at him.

"Victor?"

"Yea, Andy?" Victor stood up, And he could tell that the stewards definitely taller than him and possibly Brandon.

"Yea, hi." Andy said extending his right hand to shake Victor's hand. The whole thing was pretty awkward but once they were inside, they order their food, and waited at a table for the waitress to bring it to them.

"You ever done this before?"

"No, but seemed nice."

"Yea same here."

Neither men wanted to start but it had to be done so Victor talked first, "One of us has to talk first."

"Shoot yea so how long you and....." Andy waited for Victor to fill in the blank.

"Jeremy well Juno, we've been dating for like two years, been separated for like two weeks, not talking. You?"

"David, Dating for four, broke up about a month ago, not talking too."

"We're fighting about telling people, not really fans more of family there anything, honestly I thought in the beginning it was the whole interracial thing, but he said he doesn't care while we were yelling at other at the time."

"What do you do?" Andy said taking an interest in Victor's occupation hearing that he has fans too.

"Band, with some friends he is the clean singer, I'm the drummer."

"Nice I'm in a band too, and clean singer as well, Dave is our screamer. We're fighting about trust, basically me not trusting him." Andy shared happily, it made him feel better that he can relate to Victor more.

"Shit why?" Victor asked. They stop talking for a moment when the waitress brought their food they said thank you and continue talking.

"it's just always in the back of my mind, that he'll find somebody else; he can be with somebody else; he will be with somebody else. And it doesn't help that I was right once when he was with some girl, didn't do anything they were just kissing and naked but still."

"You forgave him?"

"Yea, but probably not since he told me while we were breaking up that I basically throw in his face all the time."

"so you didn't forgive him."

"I guess not."

"because if you honestly for gave him, you wouldn't care you wouldn't think about it, so it still hurts, have you guys really talked about it?

"Not really."

"Scared to brake up?"

Andy laughed at that, "It's ironic now." Andy really thought about it for moment he messed up. No wonder Dave broke up with him how you could be with like that, holding a grudge for two years and throwing it in your face. Andy would break up with himself if he could.

" so you're not down would be a secret?"

"No, man feels bad like i'm the fucking problem. Or a fucking disease, I wanna be with someone who doesn't make me feel like that but I love him. I was cool think it was the fans but since we got some popularity and both of our albums so far did well and the third one is still in the works. So I was thinking that maybe it's time but he said no. That's when I started to feel disgusting and started talking to him about and saying why 'why?' 'not?' 'the hell is your problem?' Then he finally tells me it's his family, that's when I got heartbroken I told my family already, I told them last year and I thought he did too because we talked about it and I found out he lied to my face about it and-." Victor stopped talking and wiped his eyes with the back of his hands.

"Your fantasy is shattered." Andy imported.

"Fucking destroyed more like, but I still want to be with him. But I can't make him tell his family I can't tell his family if he doesn't want to. So it's over, but I'm still keeping my stuff at his place, i'm hoping one of my friends could get it." Victor shared.

"He'll tell them." Andy said to reassure Victor.

"what makes you say that?"

"David kept his shit at our apartment and I haven't said anything since I don't want it to be over, I'm hoping he comes one day and we talk, but I'm also scared if we talk because then what happens if he finds out he likes being without me. Juno may tell them, he's scared as shit I bet and doesn't want to but if he didn't end things with you he is looking at the opinion to tell them."

"I think your right, I have to talk to him again and really talk not tell. David, will come back too, Andy. I think you have to talk about what happen even if it's been years."

"Yea I think so too and maybe therapy, I think I need to go back for myself."

"Shot man, congrats on wanting to go."

"Thanks and thanks for meeting for me it didn't suck."

"Yeah it didn't. Thanks for meeting me man, is it cool if I get your number I kinda wanna tell you the aftermath."

"Hell yea man, I wanna see how this story ends." The two men laughed as they finish their meal they continue talking about their music for a little bit but then decided that they needed to go home to think about their next move, they exchange numbers and say goodbye.

Once Andy got home he took care Rose, and started writing about what he wanted to say to David. What he hated about what happened, what if he fears, and what he wants to do from that point. It took him three days but he finally texted David.

To Dave: rose and I miss you. From Dave: I miss rose and you To Dave: come over? From Dave: today? To Dave: whenever you want to From Dave: I wanna come now To Dave: I'm here waitin From Dave: see you soon

Hayden didn't live far from their apartment but it's a surprise how fast David came over.

"Hey." David said once Andy open the door, once he saw David through the peephole.

"Hi, welcome to your own place." Andy said trying to Lighten the air around them letting Dave in.

David hugged Andy as soon as he was inside, Andy hugged back.

"Sorry missed you."

"It's okay I missed you too. Don't kiss me yet." Andy whispered. The couple lack of each other David went to go see Rose on the sofa.

Andy came over to him and set next Dave on the sofa as he was petting Rose, "Dave, I'm sorry for Power been treating you the past two years. And for always throwing in your face, for always accusing you of stuff you haven't done. I'm not over what happened with Allison, we never talked about it and I want to, I really want you to tell me why? Why did you do it?"

"I've been sitting on this for two years, and honestly I don't have a good reason still. I think I made it happen, because i've always dated girls and then I was dating you and I love you, but I think I made myself be with her to see if I would ever go back and it's stupid I know. I don't even know why I did it. I regret it so much that's why I told you what happened, but once you said we could forget about it I wanted to, I was so happy to forget something it. But then you brought it up but you said you didn't wanna talk about it still, but I still feel like shit every time and then two years of feeling like shit. And then you not trusting me is like me being with someone who stabs me." Andy grabed David's other hand, and intertwined their fingers together.

"I'm sorry, I made you feel that way I had no idea. I was selfish about it, taking out my insecurities on you too, and beating you with something that I lied to you and said that I got over when I didn't. I should've talk to you about it so wouldn't escalate into this. You know I have issues with myself and I guess I couldn't handle you loving me either. What regardless of that I shouldn't have attacked you with my issues, I am sorry David, I'm so sorry for making you feel this way, I never want to give you my problems." Andy said, David tired so his body was facing Andy on the sofa, their knees touching in such closeness.

"I'm sorry too, for cheating, and don't be sorry I told you I would be there for you, just like you say you were there for me but, we have to communicate better because honestly I don't want to take breaks from us I love us, I love you." At this point Andy and David were shedding some tears on how emotional this conversation was.

"I don't think I can, honestly it's not because I don't trust you because the fact of the matter is the fact that still want to be with you. If I didn't trust you I would be gone, honestly. I do trust you with me I just don't trust myself to know that you are good, that I picked someone good. I'm thinking of going back to therapy, for myself. I know I need you but you can't just be it. You shouldn't be the only one either." David brought Andy into a hug once again Andy resting his head on David's shoulder

"That's okay Andy, do what you need to I'll support you every step. I'm here I don't want to go any where, if it's not with you."

Andy laughed, "corny."

"You love it, you know you do."

"I love you."

"I love you, too. You can kiss me now." David, didn't had to be told twice to kiss the man he loves.

"Back together?"Andy asked once he pulled back from the kiss.

"Someone has to take you to therapy." Andy smiled that David's response.

The two of them spent the rest of the night in bed, cuddling. Just hold each other for the sake of holding each other.

*two weeks later~sexy time~*

David was back at his apartment with his boyfriend Andy, they thanked Brandon, Brent and Hayden for dealing with them. They bought their friends gifts and went over to their families to reassure them they were good now.

Victor and Juno worked things out. Juno did in fact told his family, and invited them to dinner at his and Victor's place. The older couple even went on a double date, with Andy and David. They had a amazing time together.

Andy has already gone to a session with his therapist. David helped him look for a good one for him. Andy plans and payed to meet with his therapist once a week for six months. Andy was concerned about when he goes back on tour this year, but his therapist reassured him by informing him that he could do online therapy as well with him, when he was on tour.

Andy and David hasn't had sex since they broke up, for the past two weeks they've been very cuddly but haven't gone farther then dry humping. At this point they were both ready to get back on that bed, so they did.

David took Andy's face in his hands and put it to his face and kissed him hard.

"Missed this miss you" Andy said.

David grabbed Andy harder and closer. Desperate and needy. Kissing him deeper. He pushed the Andy down on the bed onto his back. He was grabbing Andy nearly too tight almost as if Andy would disappear if he didn't held on tight. David's body pressed down on Andy's and David moaned in to his mouth as they kissed.

Andy knew David needed him and he needed him too. He missed David's hands running all over his body. Up under his shirt and down his thighs, over the bulge in his pants. David started unbuttoning their jeans and pulling them off and in return the younger man helped David unbuckle his belt and shirts. They were both laying in bed completely exposed to each other feeling secure in their own little world. David went down Andy's body pressing kisses along the way until he was at his legs and pushed in to him slowly while propping himself up with one arm to the bed.

Andy whimpered. "David.. Oh.."

Andy started moving his hips with David.

"Fuck.. Andy. Ahhh..."

David started moving quicker and he was close, "I'm sorry, baby,not lasting long her for you today." breathed out in-between thrusts. Andy grabbed on to David around his neck. Andy's breaths were short and quick and his eyes mostly shut tight but sometimes he looked at his lover.

Their breathing grew quicker and quicker and David's body vibrated with the deep moans. He pushed himself as far as he could in to Andy and moaned his name one last time before they both came at the same time. David got tissue from the side of the bed and clean them both up before laying down next to his boyfriend.

When they had both calmed down and their heartbeats slowed, Andy grabbed on to David tightly. I love you so much, Dave." he said and nestled in to the side of his lover's face. David held on to Andy and whispered sweet things to his boyfriend as they both fell asleep.

The Break up/make up End

Feel free to send me any request of any ship or pairing you want

[doomedandstoned]

Rise of the Wizard Union!

Part I: Seek & Ye Shall Find

By Billy Goate

Ceremonial Smoke by Wizard Union

After The Great Wizard Fight had scattered what was left of our clan to the four corners of this God-forsaken orb, it was believed that the Great Hoary Ones of Olde had all but disappeared from the land. Yet, in the progress of time, rumors passed by me -- whispers at first, faint as baby's breath, but slowly they crescendoed into a wyvern's roar. The Wizards were back, one traveler said feverishly before collapsing. His last words: "They have gone underground. Look to the barren wasteland of Michigan." Impossible, I muttered, as this region was long thought to be uninhabitable, cooked to a crisp after the nukes had done their worst.

Having heard good enough of these annoying anecdotes, my apprentice and I ventured forward into the vast unknown to find out whether this congress of baked mages was one of myth or of mischief. With cloak, staff, and Geiger counter in hand, we set out for the Forbidden Zone. As we crossed its borders, we begin to pick up on the trail of blunts and faint wi-fi signals. We did cross paths with Wild Savages and broke bread with Bubak, Blue Snaggletooth, and the Bison Machine. We did ride the Cavalcade to the dank steps of the Temple Of The Fuzz Witch, where we were compelled to partake in the bizarre Stone Ritual.

This unlikely fellowship with barbarian hordes led us ever closer to the fabled irradiated thaumaturges. It was said that after the blast, they had become both one and many and that these diviners could, through their strange alchemy, compel rocks to roll until they were transformed into an altogether different substance, something the smiths were wont to call "heavy metal." An enchanted guild had become responsible for crafting this heavy metal. They called themselves the WIZARD UNION.

Notes stealthily changed hands, leading us to close associates of this Wizard Union, both present and past. With care, I crossed the Laserbeams Of Boredom, walked over the husked remains of Lizerrd and Lord Centipede, followed the scent of Bladder and Verminous Scum. Nearer, still nearer, until my companion and I chanced upon the Wizard Union's lair.

There, my eyes could scarce believe, lay the very manuals of the Wizard Union containing the secrets of their magick. I tore eagerly through them, from 'Smoking Coffins' (2014) to 'Phantom Fury' (2016), finally partaking of the 'Ceremonial Smoke' (2017) itself. My eager apprentice could bear it no more and excitedly ventured forth into the cavernous dwelling of the Wizard Union in hopes of speaking with them. Meanwhile, I sent word to the skies by way of my trusty raven, declaring with a shriek: "Our brothers yet live in the frigid armpit of America!"

Art by Unexpected Spector

Part II: Knock & The Door Shall Be Opened

Interview by Shawn Gibson

Today, we're visiting with Samir Asfahani of the band Wizard Union from the Ann Arbor, Michigan area. Samir, maybe start by telling us who all is in Wizard Union and the album you just released, 'Ceremonial Smoke.'

Sure, sure. We have me on guitar and main vocals, Aaron (or "A Ron" as we like to call him) on bass and backup vocals, and there's Larry on drums. Though A Ron didn't record vocals on this particular record, we had special contribution from sound engineer JC and his girlfriend Lindsay, who recorded the special effects you hear in the album's title track.

You guys have a really good stoner-sludge sound -- vocals are harsh as hell.

Yeah, even though I run the Super Dank Metal Jams blog and my co-writer, Brandon, covers a lot of the doom and stoner stuff, I've kind of stuck with the sludge and now into more grindcore and death metal stuff. In Wizard Union's last album, Phantom Fury, we were experimenting more with hardcore-punk type vocals, and then things progressed from there. I approached the guys and said, "Hey, would you mind if I did it this way, to add something new to the mix? I'm not saying we need to tweak anything else at the moment, but this is kind of what I'm into." They said, "Yeah, go for it!" Anything to make us a little different or even just to be a little weird is good.

It's certainly refreshing for the genre, whether it's straight-up doom or some death, black, grind, or sludge combo. Really heavy, crazy shit turns me on! Go for different, go for unique, because far too many bands sound the same.

I don't really fault bands for that, though. When we started out, we definitely were just like, "Let's play slow and heavy music. This is the stuff we know and like." From there, we spent a lot of time exploring whatever we happened to be into at the time. I dropped the idea of having more of a collective, which is kind of developing into its own record label now. We're going to be dropping a lot of stuff that encompasses side projects, not being anything Wizard Union-related.

Going back to not faulting bands, you start out with what you like. It might be knocking off like, Electric Wizard, Sleep, or Sabbath. I think from there, you're there three or four albums in, you kind of have to make a choice and ask yourself if that's what you want to be, just a knock off band or do your own thing and find your own sound. We're still exploring that. Our last jam on Sunday, we were playing what sounded more along the lines of "Give Me That Amulet, You Witch!" I don't know if in the future we're going to have a regular release, then a companion release with more stuff like that to follow it up. You get two different sides of Wizard Union there, so we'll see!

I've been digging a lot of Konvent, Cavurn, and Spectral Voice, so it's awesome to hear what you've been doing with those Wizard Union vocals.

Yeah, I really like the death doom lately, definitely more old school sound, not anything super technical. On top of that, I'm not a technical player. I don't know too many bands that mix the death, doom, and sludge thing. That's something I wanted to explore more. There's definitely more bands out there that mix grind and sludge, I've been digging more of that. That's probably where many of my side projects will go once they've picked up steam.

Yeah, I'm really into Dragged Into Sunlight, Clinging To The Trees Of A Forest Fire, bands that like to blend grind and sludge, playing heavy and fast.

I don't think we'll get there with Wizard Union. I have Verminous Scum, a project with Clay, the drummer from Mutalatred out of Toledo. So there's a lot of blasts on that coming up, whenever we get our first recording mixed. It's a little like if Wizard Union had blast beats; it still has that core sound to it. That's what I've posted lately on my blog.

You've been involved in the heavy scene around Ann Arbor for a while now, haven't you?

We've been playing shows with bands from the Ann Arbor/Ypsilanti area. Ypsilanti, for people who aren't familiar with the area, is the next city over from Ann Arbor and that's where Eastern Michigan University is. It's kind of like a shared area almost. Because of Ann Arbor being gentrified, you're seeing the price of things going up and a lot of people are moving out of Ann Arbor to buy houses in Ypsilanti, especially artists. We usually play in Ypsi. I actually used to be in a band called Lord Centipede. We put out a vinyl called Centipede Up Your Ass. It's a kind of doom-tinged stoner-hardcore-thrash album, came out in 2012 or 2013. After we broke up, it just kind of sat there. I decided I wanted to do something with it, put it out again -- it will be up for download as soon as it's done mixing. Now the drummer is in a new band we've just booked a show with, called Bubak.

Cool!

Then there's Temple Of The Fuzz Witch, a Detroit band we're playing with, as well. There's Wild Savages, not really a doom band but they've got that stoner vibe, as does Bison Machine. There's Stone Ritual, those guys are pretty good. Cavalcade is a band out of Lansing we liked playing with recently. There's Blind Haven, who play the Toledo area -- they're really good. There’s Hung From The Rising Sun out of Northern Ohio. Those guys also play in the noise rock band Wax. I don't want to miss anybody on this. I know some people will get upset if I do! (laughs) Anybody we played with, if I didn't mention you, you're awesome!

Phantom Fury by Wizard Union

So you edit Super Dank Metal Jams and you’ve organized the Burnout Society Film Club, as well?

I started the Burnout Society Film Club on a suggestion from Joe Eldridge from Shade Beast Records. We were talking about cult films and he said, "Oh, yeah! Somebody should start a group about this." I was like, "Shit, I'll do it right now!" I immediately thought of a random name that had the initials "B.S." so Burnout Society was born and it's actually becoming more of a real life thing, not just something on the internet. It's turned into a local group in Ann Arbor. We have movie nights and just chat about film.

Nice!

We screen movies and it's usually themed. The first movie night was The Wild Life (1984) with Chris Penn, Sean Penn's brother, and Eric Stoltz. It was kind of made by the people who made Fast Times At Ridgemont High (1982). The theme of the night was films that are still stuck on VHS. That was a film that was obscure; a lot of people didn't know about it. Then we watched another film, Dudes (1987) , that hasn't made it to DVD or Blu-ray. For whatever reason, they’re kind of like obscure, even though they're good movies, so I thought it'd be a cool first movie night. The second event we held was holiday themed: we had Black Christmas (1974) and The Star Wars Holiday Special (1978).

Star Wars holiday Special that was a rare thing.

We had a bootleg copy we were watching and it had the original commercials that aired, which were probably more entertaining than the Star Wars Holiday Special itself! (laughs) The next one I think is going to be Bigfoot themed. We're also going to do an actual screening at a bar for a film that's been passed on to us that we'd like to show people. We'd like to do public screenings for DIY filmmakers whenever possible.

We are all into the cult movies -- weird, strange movies. I've always been into 'em. I think it really took off when I was working at a Hollywood Video in high school.

Lucky!

Yeah! You got three movie rentals at a time. I'd just grab whatever I could find. It didn't take long before I started getting into Troma movies.

Lloyd Kaufman! Man's a fucking genius.

Have you ever met him?

Not yet, I bet that's wild.

I've met him three times.

So what's Lloyd Kaufman like?

He's really weird. He's really eccentric. He was really cool, too. Around the time that I met him the first time, he was showing Citizen Toxie (2000) in Ann Arbor, Michigan. I volunteered to be Toxie at those events. (laughs) Have a friend who volunteered to be the Noxious Offender from Citizen Toxie, but we hadn't seen the movie yet, so we had no idea what we're getting into. Lloyd gave me a screener copy and was like, "Here, just watch it before you come out or whatever." I remember my friend and I were at my parents’ house watching it until 3 am, just laughing. My parents woke up screaming at us, "Be quiet!" (laughs)

That's awesome! I got started with The Toxic Avenger (1984). I'd get my grandma to take me to the video store and I could rent anything, she didn't check. We got back home and I started to play it around 8 pm. My grandma walked in on the locker room scene with topless women. "Nope, nope, nope!" she said. I was like, "Goddammit!" So I waited until midnight or so, snuck out of bed, and watched the rest of the movie.

Shame on you! (laughs)

Then I rented that Class of Nuke 'Em High (1986) , Sgt. Kabukiman N.Y.P.D. (1990) , and other Troma flicks.

I feel you on watching The Toxic Avenger while you're young. I was a product of the times, when they were pushing R rated movies onto kids by making them cartoons. There was a Rambo cartoon, as well as a Robocop, Toxic Crusader, and Police Academy cartoon. The original Police Academy, remember, was rated R.

Right.

I recall being three or four years old and watching the Rambo cartoon and just begging my mom, "I know there's a movie based off of this -- you've got to let me see it!" I remember how devastated I was when I brought it to her at the video store and she was like, "No, you can’t get that, it's rated R!" It was the same thing with The Toxic Avenger. I was like, "This was a movie? Oh my god, I've got to see it now!" So then, a couple years later, I go and find it -- same thing. One night I was able to persuade my mom to let me watch The Toxic Avenger: Part II (1989). That finally happened and then I realized somehow it was connected to Class of Nuke 'Em High, just like looking at the covers. It wasn't until years later that I realized what Troma even was. They used to have those marathons on the USA Network.

I remember them well!

I know they had the Up All Night series, where they'd play all the movies -- Nuke 'Em High 1, 2, 3, and what not. They did a Toxic Avenger marathon during the day -- it was the weirdest thing. I don't know of any other time where this happened, it was a rare moment for USA, sometime in the mid-'90s, so I got to watch all three back-to-back.

Smoking Coffins by Wizard Union

What's a damned good book you've read lately?

See, the thing is I only read non-fiction.

Me, too.

Last fictional book I read was Ready Player One (2011). As far as fiction goes, I would recommend that totally. Anybody who wants to go see the movie, Spielberg is directing it. The premise takes place in a dystopian future, where everyone's doing this virtual reality thing. It’s not unlike Facebook, if Facebook was VR. Every bit of information comes to you in VR format -- movies, stuff like that. Everybody’s creating avatars for themselves to portray TV and film stars. That'll be cool translated on the screen. From what I've seen of the trailer, unfortunately, it's not going to be as literal as the book. The fact is it's being put out by Warner Brothers and Amblin. I think whatever properties those two production companies own is probably what you're more likely to see on screen. There are plenty of obscure references made in the book, though. It's a very entertaining read. As far as non-fiction, I recommend The Disaster Artist (2013).

Cool. I've seen the trailers for the movie. I didn't know it was a book as well.

Yeah, that's what it's based on. I do most of my "reading" through Audible. It's one thing I've learned, to be more productive, is actually listen to audiobooks if you can versus wondering, "When am I going to have time to read, anymore?" I got an Audible account and started doing books that way. I get through two books in like a month. I don't feel bad about it, I still read what I need to -- blogs, articles, and stuff like that. The one physical book I'm reading at the moment is The Tao Of Bill Murray (2016), which I got my wife. That's a really entertaining book.

I bet. I love Bill Murray!

Trying to think of one more book -- a random one -- it's All Your Worth: The Ultimate Lifetime Money Plan (2005) from Elizabeth Warren and her daughter, Amelia. I'd recommend that to anyone who's having financial issues or trying to figure out how to get their financial troubles back together. I think after going through that book I was like, "If she ran for president, I'd 100% vote for her." She could get this country back on track. (laughs) If she's able to get the middle class to figure out their finances there has to be a way. She's got a plan! (laughs)

I’m not too confident in the one we have in office now. I don't think he's made it so great again. I don't think it was great in the first place. Just my opinion.

Well, I'm not going to go into that, just for starting a comment thread about who's on whose side. I'm sure that readers can figure out where we align politically. I feel like when Cheeto came into office, there were a lot of people who felt like this'll make music great again or whatever. It'll make people angry again. I haven't really noticed much of that. (laughs) There's always been angry music; there's always been politically charged music. Whatever gets you motivated to create, go for it, you know? That's one thing I want to encourage people, that's what I push myself to do. Everything I do is to create, to keep going and make more whatever it is and not to question yourself or hold yourself back. That's why I do the blogs. Burnout Film Society is going to starting a blog soon, with reviews for movies.

Cool.

The members of Burnout Film Society are all people that, as far as I know, haven't written for a blog before. I want to show people that you don't have to write for something. If you love something, if you have a passion for it, obviously you know what to say.

It exudes!

That's what it was for me when I wrote Dank Metal Jams. I thought, "If I were in a band, I'd want someone to write a review for me." Not that I'm doing these guys a favor, but I truly want the people to listen to their music! I'm going to write what I think about an album and just put it out there. Hopefully, I can get some other people on board that feel the same and agree, "Yeah you're right!" That's the only reason I have the blog around. It gives me something to do, while constantly introducing me to new music. It keeps me open to new ideas and fuels my creativity, especially when it comes to song writing. "Oh I can do it this way, I didn't even think about that way, or I can mix this with that."

What’s in the crystal ball for Wizard Union this year?

We've been around, this is going to be our sixth year now, and we're still kicking! We know we're not quitting anytime soon and we've got more ideas we want to put out there. I have another kind of stoner side-project I'm working on that doesn't have a name yet. It's me and Aaron, the bass player. Actually, we switched it up -- I'm doing bass and he's doing guitar. Then we have a local drummer who is in a one-man band called Laserbeams Of Boredom. We're working on that and finish recording in early spring. We still haven't settled on a name for that one, either. I don't want to drop any names or suggestions yet before it happens. I don't know if it will be out by the end of this year or the beginning of next year, but it's definitely something we're working on right now.

Samir, thanks a lot!

Oh yeah, thank you!

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[crazy-noonoohead]

My top 10 shows I saw in 2017.

This is in no particular order, and to prove that, I’m sticking one of the best in the middle and saving one for last. I’m mostly focusing on shows I saw for the first time in 2017, but I’m making two exceptions (four if you count Broadway transfers that I saw in previous incarnations) and you probably already know what those two are. I’m also sticking to plays and musicals as opposed to concerts, comedy performances, etc., but I’ll include a few of those in my honorable mentions. So here goes!

The Book Of Mormon with Dom Simpson as Elder Price: Let me start off by saying I adore Nic Rouleau. He’s been in various productions of BOM since its very beginning, and he still continues to get better every time I see him. And when I say this next thing, I don’t want anyone to think I’m tired of him, because that couldn’t be further from the truth. The day he leaves the show is probably the day the world ends. But since he’s been with the show for so long, he’s the Price I’ve seen the most often, by a long shot, so seeing a new take on the role was a refreshing experience that I’ll always cherish. When I met Dom at the stage door, I found out that I had seen the show more times than he had done the show. I hope he has more opportunities to go on, because he gave a wonderful performance! (Quick shout-outs to the other two times I saw it this year, especially when I went on my birthday.)

Falsettos’ closing performance: Having frequented this show consistently since the first preview (for...no particular reason), it was such a privilege to watch this cast of seven give it their all every single time. Still, that final show was probably everyone’s best performance. Andrew’s final “The Games I Play” was definitely the best I had heard him sing it, and the fact that I was sitting close enough to see the tears in his eyes was both a blessing and a curse that will haunt me for the rest of my life. Anthony powered through even though he was getting over an illness (which I would not have realized if I hadn’t already known) and had to call out earlier that weekend. Stephanie had to take moments during “I’m Breaking Down” and “Trina’s Song,” but somehow made it through “Holding To The Ground.” Brandon teared up during “A Marriage Proposal.” Everyone was emotional during the curtain call. And of course, I started crying the moment the lights went down for the first act and rarely stopped. The woman sitting next to me was a friend of William Finn’s and had lost friends during the AIDS crisis, so the show resonated with her in a way that it never will with me. I’m grateful that the production is on Broadway HD and that I can watch it whenever I want to, but it’s not the same as being there. It’s been almost a year and I still miss it a lot. What more can I say?

The Play That Goes Wrong: After seeing this in London with my mom and stepdad, we all loved it so much that we jumped on the chance to see the Broadway transfer as soon as possible. It goes wrong in all the right ways! I have now seen it three times on Broadway, and the jokes are still fresh and hilarious. Even while laughing at all the mishaps, I find myself sympathizing with these characters and admiring their determination to keep going. Sometimes it cheered me up, and other times it made an already good day even better. I hope I can go back soon to see the new cast.

The Great Comet: I went into this one knowing nothing about the plot, just that a lot of people loved it. I was also seeing it 12 days after Falsettos closed, so you can probably guess the state of mind I was in. But I loved this show! The music was like nothing I’d heard before (in a good way, obviously), the set felt intimate and elaborate at the same time, and the cast was incredibly talented AND one of the most diverse I’d ever seen, if not THE most. Somehow they made it easy for me to relate to characters living in 19th century Russia, despite living as a millennial in 21st century New York. I saw it twice, once with the original Broadway cast and once with Dave Malloy and Ingrid Michaelson, and I would have gone more if it had the long, successful run it deserved. But unfortunately, just like a comet, it lived up to its name and shone brightly for a short amount of time before disappearing. Also, the pierogies they gave out before the show were delicious. And I’m just now realizing that they missed out on an opportunity to make “Pierre-ogi” puns.

Bastard Jones: I have to admit this one grew on me. Once I found out that a former member of Toxic Audio was in the cast, I knew I was going to see it multiple times no matter what I thought, so thank goodness it was a good show! The first time I went, I enjoyed myself, and of course I loved getting to see René perform for the first time in ten years, but I wasn’t blown away. But that second time...maybe the performances got tighter. Maybe the jokes just landed better. Maybe it was because I was with the first friend I ever took to a Toxic Audio show. I’ll never know for sure. But I liked it a lot more the second time. While most of the draw for me was still seeing René in a role that is absolutely perfect for him, I ended up falling for the whole show as well. The slapstick humor, word play, and dirty jokes are completely up my alley (there’s a dirty joke somewhere in the phrase “up my alley”), and I found two songs I want to use for auditions once the sheet music becomes available. I saw this one four times during its month-long run, and the only reason I didn’t go more is that it sold out super quickly after getting rave reviews. The team is hoping that their next step is a longer run in a bigger venue, and I will definitely revisit the show when that happens, especially if René is still playing Partridge.

Sunday In The Park With George: I watched the DVD of the original production a few years ago because my friend was very nice and lent it to me, and I was so excited that I could finally see a live production. It. Was. Fantastic! Annaleigh Ashford and Jake Gyllenhaal were both wonderful and almost definitely would have received Tony nominations if the production had decided to compete. Andrew Kober, whom I’d seen in a few other things, was a swing in the show and got to go on for the first time the night I was there, which made it even more of a treat. This was a great production of an already great show, and although it was always going to be a limited run, I wish it could have lasted longer. More Sondheim on Broadway, please!

Jitney: My mom and I saw this one together, and it took a while to get going for us, but once it did, we were hooked. A super talented group of people sharing a compelling story? Yes, please! We both left the theatre pleasantly surprised, and everyone who signed at the stage door was very nice. Most of the actors didn’t have Sharpies and I got to lend them mine, which was a nice bonus. Of course, it’s always great to see BOM alumni continue to be successful, and I saw it the day after my BOM anniversary on purpose. The alumnus in this show ran over and gave me a big hug that night.

Brigadoon: This weekend-long City Center production looked ready to transfer and get an open run! Stephanie J. Block’s solo number was the stand-out for me (partially because she’s Stephanie, but her song would have been my favorite anyway), and Kelli O’Hara and Patrick Wilson were amazing as the two leads. Yes, the show has that “falling in love after knowing each other for one day” thing that annoys me about a lot of older musicals, but it still has a beautiful score and a unique premise.

The Band’s Visit: I loved this show when I saw it at the Atlantic Theatre last November, and I was very excited when I found out it was transferring to Broadway, but I also had my reservations. I was concerned that the show would lose its intimacy in a larger space. Boy, was I happy to be wrong! They picked the right theatre, as it most likely would have lost the intimacy in a bigger house, almost the entire cast is the same, and somehow the show was even better the second time. It’s a heartwarming, simple but effective story that we could all use right now. It’s not a “see over and over again” show for me, but I will definitely return to Bet Hatikva (with a B) at some point. I can’t officially endorse it for Best Musical until I see more of the new musicals this season, but if it doesn’t at least get nominated, I’m rioting.

Groundhog Day: Will I get through this paragraph without crying? Won’t I get through this paragraph without crying? Civilization once again hangs in the balance. Wow. What an unlikely love story! And contrary to those corny Hallmark movies where you figure the love story out in the first 30 seconds of the trailer, this love story was ACTUALLY unlikely. For me, at least. This was the show that got me excited about theatre again after Falsettos closed. I found something else I couldn’t stop gushing about or recommending to friends. At first most of that excitement came from the novelty of the first preview (Google the story if you don’t already know; this post is long enough already) and the awesomely professional way the team handled such a stressful situation, but as I listened to the cast recording more, it became clear that it wasn’t just that one experience that I loved. It was the whole show, and everyone involved. They took the story of a beloved, seemingly flawless movie, and in my not-even-living-in-the-same-neighborhood-as-humble opinion...dare I say it?...made it even better? I made Twitter friends because of this show. I crocheted Phil and Rita dolls and got to give them to Andy and Barrett. The closing notice hurt, and attending the final performance was one of my most bittersweet experiences, but it was worth it. This show was definitely a highlight of 2017. Six months and a day was not enough time, but I’m grateful for the time it had and I miss it every day. (For those of you wondering, I did not get through this paragraph without crying.)

Honorable mentions, also in no particular order:

Andrew Rannells’ and Stephanie J. Block’s Live From Lincoln Center concerts: An hour each, watching two of my favorite performers do solo shows that will later air on PBS was such a treat! Andrew’s set was completely full of songs I’d never heard him sing before, while Stephanie’s was a mix of new things and songs she’s known for. After hearing Stephanie sing “Some People” from Gypsy, I want her to play Rose one day. But first I want her to play Fanny Brice. Andrew is one of the only people who could make me cry by singing “Born To Run” by Bruce Springsteen (the others, of course, being the members of Toxic/Vox Audio). And he did.

Indecent: I almost made my list a top 11 so I could include it, but I insisted on having a round number. This was a powerful one-act play about making and producing God Of Vengeance, which was very controversial at the time because it was the 20th century and two women fell in love. Taking place during the Holocaust, the use of sand was very effective, and was probably both my favorite thing about it and the most difficult part to watch. It was my pick for Best Play this past season, and again, it deserved a longer run.

White Arab Problems: One of my friends from acting class wrote and performed a 45-minute comedy act about the struggles of being Arab but passing for white. In the piece, she humorously acknowledges the privileges that come with being white while also really dealing with the frustration of people thinking she’s trying to appropriate her own culture. I first met her in class in 2015 and recognized some insecurities that came across as ones I also have. Watching her grow over the years, seeing her perform this piece, and knowing she was proud of what she did made me a proud friend/classmate/scene partner, and I look forward to seeing it again whenever I can.

The Skivvies: Not much to elaborate on here, but I see as many of their concerts as I can, and it’s always a super fun time.

Prince Of Broadway: While this one was billed as a musical, it was technically a revue, which is why I didn’t put it on the official list. Watching a super talented cast of nine people perform songs and scenes from multiple Hal Prince shows definitely made for a great night! I went to the last preview, and I went again during the final week. I want Chuck Cooper to play Tevye, and I want Brandon Uranowitz to play Georg Nowack. And the Emcee. And Molina. And any other role he wants to play because he’s amazing.

So there’s my list. I’m kind of bummed that I didn’t include more plays, but hopefully next year. And with that, “ba da ba ba ba suck my balls, I’m out.”

[mst3kproject]

809: I Was a Teenage Werewolf

Kind of a strange title, isn't it?  I Was a Teenage Werewolf. It seems to imply two things: first of all, the word was ought to suggest that this is all in the past, that the speaker has been cured of his lycanthropy and good for him!  Second, and even stranger, is the fact that the title is in the first person.  A title that begins with the word I implies that this is a retrospective, a story the main character is telling to us after the fact like Helene DeLambre telling her brother-in-law how Andre ended up with the head of a fly.  Yet in the movie itself, Tony dies, still a werewolf!  He clearly isn't sitting around remembering these events.

Actually, this whole movie is pretty weird.  It's one of the more mainstream-ish films ever to be featured on MST3K (my Mom says she remembers seeing it when it was new), but the longer you think about it, the less sense it makes.

Tony Rivers is a pretty ordinary kid with a bad temper.  After getting into a series of fights, he is sent to see Dr. Brandon, a psychologist who can supposedly hypnotize him into conformity.  That sounds like the plot of a horror movie all on its own, but it gets worse.  Dr. Brandon has apparently given up hope on the human race and decided that the only solution to our economic and nuclear woes is to regress us all back to the stone age and let society start over.  He dopes Tony up (on an anti-nausea drug for some reason) and starts the regression process, but instead of Tony turning into a club-wielding caveman or something, he becomes a *dam wirwulf!

In terms of production values, I Was a Teenage Werewolf is one of the better movies to make the MST3K cut.  The actors are competent, the pacing's not bad, cinematography works, and the werewolf makeup is no better but not appreciably worse than anything else on offer in a late fifties cheapie.  You could watch this on its own, but as an episode it's okay.  Mike and the bots make jokes about the care and training of your werewolf and about thrown dairy products that are very funny, and 'jokes' accusing Tony of abusing his girlfriend Arlene that are never funny in the slightest.

The plot, however, is baffling.  First, there's its use of hypnosis.  Between this, The Undead, and The She-Creature, I'm starting to think hypnosis was one of those Magic Plot Coupons in the 50's, like radiation, that could be used to explain just about anything.  The Great Vorelli transfers souls into puppets using hypnosis.  Quintus in The Undead goes bodily back in time, literally vanishing and leaving his empty clothes in his chair.  Dr. Carlo Lombardi manifests a giant lobster monster and makes it kill people by hypnotizing Andrea.  I swear the most plausible use of hypnosis I've seen doing this blog is Vorelli raping Marianne!

MST3K did three werewolf movies: in The Mad Monster Pedro became a werecoyote through a transfusion of coyote blood, and in Werewolf you could either cut yourself on the teeth of the werewolf skull or be injected with blood from somebody who had. These both sort of feel like they make sense according to 'rules' we're already familiar with – lycanthropy is spread by biting, which implies an infection of some sort.  But hypnosis?  Being hypnotized does make the subject more open to suggestion, to the point where people have become convinced that they were abducted by aliens or members of non-existent satanic cults.  If Tony merely believed he'd become a werewolf, hypnosis as an explanation would work, but the movie makes it clear that his transformation is a physical reality!  It can't be the drug that did it, since Tony transforms without it on at least two occasions.  No, it seems we're meant to believe Dr. Brandon literally talked Tony into being a werewolf.  Pepe the Latino-Transylvanian janitor's theory of the evil eye and possession would actually work better, by invoking the supernatural instead.

Why a werewolf, anyway?  Dr. Brandon says he wants to regress Tony to a more primitive state, but human beings did not evolve from werewolves.  If he wants to make us better by divorcing us from our technology, why does he try to do so by turning his subject into a mindless killer?  A world full of werewolves would definitely mean an end to civilization as we know it, but it doesn't seem like there'd be anything much left to start over from.  If Tony's condition were in any way an unexpected result of the treatment, this might work better with what Brandon says he's trying to do, but he behaves as if were-Tony is exactly what he wanted.

Brandon's assistant Hugo points out that the whole scheme is stupid and that Brandon doesn't exactly have Tony's informed consent, only to be answered with a sneer of, “and you call yourself a scientist!”  I guess scientists just decide to make monsters and come up with the rationalization later, ethics be damned.

In a way, Tony's treatment kind of seems to do him some good – his grades improve and his principal comments on how he's much better at getting along with his peers, to the point where she wants to offer him an honours certificate and a letter of recommendation.  This seems like good news, and if that were the extent of Tony's personality changes we might be tempted to conclude that being a werewolf is beneficial!  Maybe his lycanthropy allows him to work out his urges to violence through murder at night, leaving him quieter during the day? There's more to it than this, however – Tony's friends note that he's 'not himself' and that the difference runs deeper than just not punching everything in sight.  He has become anxious and withdrawn, and no longer wants to hang out with them or with Arlene.

To this day, a great many people refuse to seek treatment for mental illness because they fear the medication will leave them a sort of zombie, able to function but with their personality gone.  Others refuse to get help because they don't want to be thought of as a 'mental patient' – Tony refers to this when he says he doesn't want to be considered a 'flip'.  The police, his father, and his girlfriend all encourage him, but to no avail until the incident at the Hallowe'en party makes it clear that things simply cannot go on the way they are.  Then when Tony does seek treatment, it turns out to be worse than he feared.  Dr. Brandon not only leaves him a shell of his former self but in a very real sense makes his condition worse. Human Tony committed assault.  Werewolf Tony is a murderer.

As in many werewolf movies, the werewolf himself is not the monster but the victim.  The real villain is the monster-maker, who here represents all society's fears not about mental illness itself, but about the attempts to help those who have it!  Shame on AIP, shame on director Gene Fowler, and shame on writer/producer Herman Cohen for villifying psychologists.  Surely there's enough stigma surrounding mental illness without adding that!

Another part of the generally unfavourable view of psychologists in this movie seems to be inherent in the bell triggering Tony's transformations.  This is kind of confusing when it happens, since Dr. Brandon never rang a bell for Tony and the first werewolf attack, on the boy walking home in the woods, doesn't seem to be related to a bell.  But it's a bell that prompts Tony to transform and attack the gymnast, and a ringing phone that makes him attack Dr. Brandon.  I think this may be intended to invoke Pavlov's dog, which was taught to salivate when a bell rang.  The fact that it was a dog in the experiment might even make this an intentional joke, on a similar level to Mike and the bots' comments about flea collars and leashes.  But Pavlov's experiment was, of course, a psychological experiment, exploring the brain's associations between stimuli, and so this once again serves to throw a poor light on the psychologist.

As a movie, I Was a Teenage Werewolf feels a little unfinished.  There's only the one victim in the woods before Tony is 'outed' when he attacks the gymnast, so there's no chance for the story to build up a sense of suspense and danger.  We want to see the teens start to wonder if their 'Haunted House' hangout really is haunted.  We want to see Tony narrowly avoid transforming and killing Arlene.  The script wants us to both fear and pity Tony, but there's never enough done with the monster to really inspire either.  We get such a brief and perfunctory introduction to the victims that their deaths mean nothing to us.  The only really poignant thing in the movie is when Tony goes to Dr. Brandon begging for help while we know this is the last thing he ought to do, and as a result the only really satisfying thing is that Tony kills Dr. Brandon at the end.

It's frustrating to watch a movie waste so much of its potential. It feels like the script was written in an awful hurry, and the audience leaves feeling like the movie could have been so much more than it was.  The lack of care and thought that went into this story is a terrible shame, because I Was a Teenage Werewolf has a good cast and acceptable monster makeup, is competently directed and decently scored.  It had everything it needed to be a pretty good werewolf movie... it just wasn't.

[racingtoaredlight]

RTARL’s 2020 NFL Season Week 3 Extravapalooza

Immediately coming out of Week 2 the national conversation was focused mainly on the fact that my picks went a very respectable 10-5. But, after running out of superlatives to describe my handicapping skills, the discourse shifted in the direction of the absolutely brutal spate of injuries that took place. Saquon Barkley, Nick Bosa, and Courtland Sutton were all lost for the season with torn ACLs, and Christian McCaffery, Brandon Scherff, Jimmy Garoppolo, Drew Lock and a whole bunch of others went down with various tweaks and tears that will keep them out of game action for multiple weeks. That’s a lot of really good players! And Jimmy Garoppolo! 

There seemed to be a desire to chalk up a lot of the injuries to a lack of preseason game action, but I’m not smart enough to know if that theory has any merit. Hopefully, it was just a freak occurrence and we won’t see another week like that any time soon. If I can make a bold statement that I’m sure nobody has ever mentioned before: the NFL is a lot more fun when the best players are on the field.

My picks are in BOLD, and the lines come to us courtesy of our friends at Vegas Insider. I use the “VI Consensus” line, which is the line that occurs most frequently across Vegas Insider’s list of sportsbooks. Your sportsbook of choice may offer a different number, and if you’d like my opinion on said number A) you are insane, and B) leave a comment below and I’ll try to answer at some point before things kickoff today.

EARLY GAMES

Los Angeles Rams at Buffalo Bills (-2)

The Bills have looked great in their first two games, no doubt about it. BUT, those two games were against the incomprehensibly shitty Jets and a Dolphins team that I don’t think anyone would call world-beaters. The Rams represent a huge step up in weight class, and I’m not sure how the Bills will handle it. I still love Josh Allen and believe in the Bills in general, but this game might be a little shock to the system for them.

Chicago Bears at Atlanta Falcons (-3)

I’ve read a few takes saying that a trip to Atlanta to play against a ghastly Falcons secondary is going to make Mitchell Trubisky and the Bears offense look much better than they are, but what this pick presupposes is that a meeting with Mitchell will make the Falcons secondary look better than they are.

Washington Football Team at Cleveland Browns (-7)

I know they gave up 30 points last week, but The Football Team’s defense has played really well through two games so far. They mauled the Eagles in a Week 1 victory that saw them sack Carson Wentz 8 times, intercept him twice and hold Philly to 57 rushing yards (3.4 yards per attempt) TOTAL. In Week 2, they held Arizona RB Kenyan Drake in check for the most part (86 total yards, 4.3 per rush) and managed to pick off Kyler Murray once while sacking him three times. Washington was done in by Calimari’s running ability, which is gonna happen to a lot of teams, I reckon. Baker Mayfield is no Kyler Murray when it comes to his wheels, so I’m taking the 7 points.

Tennessee Titans (-2.5) at Minnesota Vikings

Minnesota has looked DREADFUL so far, getting whomped by the Packers and then the Colts. I honestly don’t have a great reason for picking them, other than thinking “they can’t be THIS bad.” If this year has taught us anything, it’s that thinking things can’t get worse is pretty stupid, yet here I am. The only aspect of this game I have any confidence in prediction-wise is in saying that it’ll be the first early game to wrap up. These teams are gonna run, run, and then run some more.

Las Vegas Raiders at New England Patriots (-6.5)

Last week, I once again picked against the Raiders, and they once again made me look stupid by not only covering, but winning outright. So help me if Cam Newton leads New England to an absolute thrashing of this collection of assholes he will immediately become my favorite Patriot ever. 

If I wanted to give a non-spite related reason for my pick, I’d mention that Las Vegas will be without rookie WR Henry Ruggs , LB Nick Kwiatkoski and T Trent Brown, and that G Denzelle Good, T Sam Young, TE Darren Waller and RB Josh Jacobs are all Questionable as of this writing. I’m totally picking against them out of spite, though.

San Francisco 49ers (-3) at New York Giants

The Niners were absolutely wrecked by injuries last week, and now they’re playing again on the same turf that they feel took out their comrades. I can’t help but wonder if that’ll be in their heads a little bit, and if there’s anyone who knows the minds of NFL players, it’s a guy who’s never even attended a school at any level that fielded a football team. Nick Mullens is a pretty good backup QB, and it’s not like he’s replacing Russell Wilson, but still. I can’t take an injury-riddled road favorite starting a backup QB. Seats are rapidly opening up on the Daniel Jones bandwagon, but I remain resolute...for now.

Cincinnati Bengals at Philadelphia Eagles (-4)

I’m really torn here, because I am all the way in on The Joe Burrow Experience and want good things for him, but if the Eagles come out looking like an exploded diaper again it’s gonna get really awkward and depressing in Philadelphia, and I can’t handle feeling even more secondhand cringe and despair in these trying times. I’d greatly prefer a middling Eagles season that keeps their fans’ rage at no more than a simmer, and for that to be the case they’re gonna need to win decisively here. Sorry, Joe.

Houston Texans at Pittsburgh Steelers (-4)

After dealing with Daniel Jones in Week 1 and the Drew Lock/Jeff Driskel Combo Meal in Week 2, the Steelers defense will now have to contend with DeShaun Watson. In my expert football-knower opinion, this will be a more difficult challenge for them. Conversely, the Texans started their year with games against the Chiefs and then the Ravens, and while I do think the Steelers are pretty good, they’re a step below those two death squads. In what’s become a running theme in my picks this week, I think a bit of equilibrium is restored and the Texans have somewhat of a get-right game while Pittsburgh gets taken down a peg.

LATE GAMES

Carolina Panthers at Los Angeles Chargers (-6.5)

This is a tough one. Conventional wisdom says 6.5 is a pretty big number for a rookie QB in his second start, though like everyone else I thought Justin Herbert looked more than legit in his debut. The L.A. defense has been fantastic, and they’re plenty good enough to paper over any potential rookie mistakes from their QB. 

I’m going with the Chargers less because of them and more because of how poor the Carolina offense has looked so far. Teddy Bridgewater is a great story and I’m glad he got himself a nice contract after his horrific leg injury in Minnesota, but he hasn’t looked like an NFL starter this year. New Panthers OC Joe Brady performed a miracle and gave the LSU Tigers an offense for the ages, so he clearly knows what he’s doing. Maybe the Panthers will get it together as the season goes on, but for this week I don’t see it, especially without all-world RB Christian McCaffery. 

New York Jets at Indianapolis Colts (-11.5)

11.5! That’s a large number for a pro game, and it’s terrible that I didn’t have to grapple all that much with laying the points. The Jets have looked historically awful and I feel bad for everyone on their sideline except for Adam Gase and Gregg Williams. Fuck those two. I don’t have a solid read on the Colts quite yet, but I’ve been around long enough to know that a Phillip Rivers-led squad would NEVER blow a layup like this.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers (-6) at Denver Broncos

I get that Tampa Bay is the road team here, but A) there are no fans in the stands, B) Denver has lost several key players to injury and C) they’re starting Jeff Driskel at Quarterback. The Bucs giving less than a TD seems odd to me. Maybe there’s some concern about the altitude affecting Tom Brady’s elderly lungs, or about the possibility of Rob Gronkowski buying thousands of dollars worth of edibles in Denver and mixing them in with the pregame spread. Classic Gronk move, imo.

Detroit Lions at Arizona Cardinals (-5.5)

I don’t see any way the Lions slow down this Cardinals offense, so their only hope is to outscore them. If stud WR Kenny Golladay were healthy I’d like Detroit’s chances a whole lot more, but he’s listed as Questionable with an injured hammy at the moment and on Friday assessed his situation as follows: “Wouldn’t say it’s 100 percent. I really wouldn’t even put a percentage on it, I just know I’m not 100 percent.” That doesn’t sound great to me, but I don’t come from an All Medical family, so I could be wrong.

Dallas Cowboys at Seattle Seahawks (-5)

The formerly formidable Seattle Seahawks secondary has given up 450 passing yards to Matt Ryan, and 397 yards to Cam Newton in their two games this season, while the Cowboys were also carved up by Matty Ice (lol) in their insanely improbable Week 2 win. Both of these passing attacks are fantastic, so this feels like an absolute orgy of touchdowns in the making. This game has the week’s highest over-under at 56.5, so I’m not exactly breaking any new ground with this analysis. That’s really the main hallmark of this blog series, now that I think about it. 

SNF: Green Bay Packers at New Orleans Saints (-3)

This game would be a lot more fun if All-Pro WRs Michael Thomas and Davante Adams were suiting up at 100% for their respective teams, but sometimes the Football Gods are dicks. Thomas is OUT with an ankle injury, and as of this writing Adams is being called a game-time decision with a bad hamstring. I’m guessing the game is gonna be more Aaron Jones vs Alvin Kamara than the Aaron Rodgers vs Drew Brees matchup it’s being billed as. That’s still plenty good enough to get me to tune in, as those guys are great in their own right. All things being equal, I trust Aaron Rodgers more to make chicken salad out of chicken shit against the Saints D at this point in time, so I’m giving Green Bay the edge. 

Every time Sean Payton takes his 1st ballot Hall of Fame QB off the field in favor of Taysom Hill, an angel gets its oxycodone prescription refilled. 

MNF: Kansas City Chiefs at Baltimore Ravens (-3.5)

My feelings on this game can be summed up by one of the great orators of modern times, “The Nature Boy” Ric Flair:

Last Week’s Record: 10-5

Season Record: 19-11-1