maybe-boys-do-love · 2 months ago
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Mix Sahaphap gets to perform (and has the performance chops to perform) in a style that I’ve never seen any other male actor get to embody. Mix gets to unironically play the #strongfemalecharacter. The Beatrice, the Elizabeth Bennett, the Jo March. Strong-willed, emotional, kind-hearted.
Not only do the plot points line up, but Mix, more than any BL actor I’ve seen, fully leans into the embodiment of this archetype. In his roles, he rolls his eyes, pouts, banters flirtatiously, softens his posture and expression at small details. He doesn’t over-exaggerate and imposition other characters but his face also doesn’t hold back his character’s thoughts and judgments. And when the moments arrive, he lets all the hurt and anguish pour out in shatters of tears and visible heartbreak—the star-counting scene, anyone????—in a way that harkens to the operatic emotionality of well-done melodramas, soap-operas, and their contemporary Thai equivalent of Lakorn. It’s only that these have never been men’s roles in those.
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It’s no surprise that one of Mix’s roles—Cupid’s Last Wish—is explicitly a gender body-swap, and Tian in A Tale of Thousand Stars is (albeit explicitly denied within the show) heavily connected to gender body-swapping. What Mix specializes in as an actor, and does exceptionally well, has been defined as feminine. To depict a kind of queer expression in this style is novel because it’s not camp, it’s not okama, it’s not a soft or femboy, it’s not a BL twink (Mix has been mostly excluded from the schoolyards and quads of the BL universe except for a role as a senior crush in Fish Upon the Sky). It’s too sincere and too adult for any of that.
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In Moonlight Chicken we get to see, without the pretense of gendered mysticism, this performance style’s seduction, warmth, wit, and explosiveness within the framework of a general gay form of expression. It says that this kind of femininity might just be a gay thing. Not all gay men exhibit it, obviously—queer men aren’t a monolith. Still, it gives us something to consider about how we observe performance of queerness on screen, especially in front of an audience that puts so much more emphasis on ships, heat, and pairing chemistry to assess how well they perform a BL role. Could we look for other features to judge performance of queerness instead of how well they kiss?
Seme and uke roles would be the major performance style categories loyal BL fans assess actors with, yet even within the archetype his character’s fill within BL narratives, Mix’s performances differ from the typical uke depiction in BL because he really doesn’t perform them as passive. Rather, Mix’s characters and his portrayal of them are dynamic and demanding. It certainly fits certain stereotypes of ukes (Gilbert!) and their gay stereotype equivalent of bottoms as pillow princesses and brats. Mix’s characters, though, have more drive, agency, and compassion than that, and he plays them with all of those currents running underneath.
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We certainly have openly gay writer/director Aof Noppharnach to thank for writing this kind of queer character for Mix to play in Tian and Wen. But for Mix’s specific commitment to the performance starting off with his (debut!?) role in ATOTS, we first have Earth to thank for believing in Mix’s ability and recommending him to portray the role of Tian, and then Aof’s acceptance despite his differing initial expectations for the character. Mix, Earth, and Aof have all been open about how Mix in his personal life and nature holds a lot of similarities to both his role as Tian in ATOTS and Wen in Moonlight Chicken. Some people might knock points off his performances because he’s like them. But his relationship to the characters, rather than dampening my enthusiasm for Mix’s performances, helps me appreciate his willingness to give an authentic performance in a style that hasn’t been encouraged on screens previously. It’s made more impactful that he chose to risk vulnerability to bring something personal that had previously been excluded from screens because of its gender deviance (and in broader society explicitly condemned). This doesn’t make a claim on Mix’s actual identity, but simply shows his willingness to understand and perform the expressions of his queer characters with an effort at empathy that many other actors would feel challenged to bring.
Some actors are chameleons, but some actors have a gift of a type within which they can explore depths and range that no one else can best. For me, that’s what Mix does in his work when directors and casting understands his talent. There’s a BTS video of Mix actually fainting during a scene while in Earth/Phupa’s embrace on the mountain that immediately brought to mind the wildly famous final scene in the film Camille where Greta Garbo as Marguerite dies in her lover’s arms.
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For Mix, it was a serious incident due to regrettably extreme conditions and requiring the on-set paramedics, but these levels of theatrics, for me, are emblematic of what Mix is capable of as a performer, as well. After all, he had to faint in Phupa’s arms multiple times on purpose. It’s the kinds of Old Hollywood and heightened sentimental romance realms Mix takes his performances to! Then he can turn around and make it look easy to take that same character into grounded quips or dedicated everyday tasks. It only takes writers, directors, and audiences willing to see that men can feel this way and act this way. Mix has paved the way.
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astrow1zar6 · 11 months ago
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Synastry observations 🫀
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Someone’s Venus in your 7th house means you view the Venus person as your ideal partner. You may have not known what you wanted in a partner until you met this person. 7th house person catches feelings fast.
When someone’s Mars lands in your 1st house you can view the Mars person as being annoying.
Having your moon in someone’s 8th house can be very one sided especially on the moons part. I’ve been both the moon & the 8th house person. Being the moon person can make you scary obsessed with the 8th house person & make you very controlling over house they express themselves. As the 8th house person I only felt a mild attraction to the moon.
Mars conjunct Venus synastry is the best aspect for sexual attraction hands down (especially if man had mars and woman had Venus)
Sun square moon synastry can become drawn to each-other like magnets & can be attracted to each-other due to opposite qualities. This can become a big problem in the long term because those differences that once made you attracted to them can make u repulsed once the honey moon stage is done. Have to learn a lot of compromising to make this work.
Lilith square Venus shows that the Lilith person can use the Venus person for sex ☹️ even tho the Venus person wants something deeper eventually. Very toxic relationship.
Lilith conjunct ascendant in synastry will have the Lilith person acting out of character. Usually theirs always something taboo or forbidden about this relationship (ex; big age gap, one is married, lesbian/gay relationship etc) whatever it is it’s not seen as “acceptable” so this can lead to a secret relationship. Lilith person if married will ruin the marriage just to be with the ascendant. Will want to touch and stare at the ascendant person A LOT. It’s almost like it’s painful for the Lilith person to be apart from the ascendant person physically. This can either scare the ascendant person or attract them. Be careful as the Lilith person you becomes really obsessed.
I notice with Venus opposite someone’s Ascendant the Venus person views the ascendant as extremely physically attractive while the ascendant person usually only has a mild attraction to Venus. But once they get to know each other the ascendant person will start to feel deeply attracted to the Venus . Relationship that gets better with time 👌🏽
Moon square moon in synastry never really work out. This synastry is what you think of when you think Sam and Ron from Jerseys shore lol. Very attracted to each-other but cannot understand each-other emotions which causes constant bickering. Takes a lot of acceptance and communication to work. One or both may never feel deeply understood or feel judged.
When you see Pluto square ascendant in synastry. RUN. This can be a very dangerous placement if the partners aren’t mature especially Pluto. The Pluto person can be scary obsessed and controlling with the ascendant. The Pluto person usually isn’t aware of their own behavior but if not put in check can become very abusive and manipulative towards the ascendant. The Pluto person can become extremely jealous and vindictive if they see the ascendant bonding too closely to someone else. Pluto wants to completely possess the ascendant. In some cases it’s left the ascendant with terrible trauma.
Saturn in 8th house synastry shows a lot of sexual tension that can’t be expressed right away for some reason. Leads to repressed intimacy because of certain circumstances or fears of rejection.
It’s very difficult to be mean to someone you have a sun/Venus synastry with. (Especially trine & conjunction) with this synastry aspect you truly love each others whole being, known as a “true love” aspect. You can let your partner get away with things you normally wouldn’t let anyone else get away with 😏
When you have Venus in someone’s 1st house you’ve probably been told you look aesthetically good together. Your physical appearance just fit perfectly (eg: Barbie & Ken)
You haven’t experienced a soul mate connection until you had a sun conjunct moon synastry. I know this placement is talked about everywhere but it’s so true!! Finding this person feels like coming home finally🥺 if it’s in a double whammy either (another conjunction or opposition) it can be hard for others to split you guys up because of how close you get! Be careful for clinginess especially on the moon persons part.
If you have Saturn square mercury with someone you can find their humor to be very dry & boring.
Venus in Scorpios are very attracted to Pisces suns.
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mxlti-fand0m-imaginess · 8 months ago
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Unrequited // Hazel Callahan
request: Could you write a college Hazel x femme reader where they're roommates and Hazel is in their shared room upset, crying cause they have a really horrible friend who convinced Hazel that reader doesn't like her back and got all in her head about it.
prompts: none!
summary: when pj convinces hazel that there’s no way you could return her feelings, hazel starts to push you away, hurting you in the process.
warnings: none!
word count: 1.5k
a/n: gn!reader, reader is implied to be a lesbian
join my taglist!
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“Look, you need to get over yourself. It’s never going to happen. Ever,” PJ said as she sat down next to Hazel.
Before PJ had so rudely interrupted, Hazel was gazing at you from across the quad, blissfully lost in her thoughts about you. Since the beginning of the school year, all Hazel could think about was you. You had been assigned as roommates, and ever since Hazel first saw you she was utterly, completely, and hopelessly in love with you. And sometimes she couldn’t help but wonder if you could ever feel the same. But unfortunately, PJ wasn’t having it.
“What?” Hazel asked as she looked over to PJ, a bit startled by her sudden appearance and slightly aggressive tone.
“There is no way they like you back. None. Zero. So get over it.”
Hazel frowned at her best friend’s words. “You really think so?”
PJ groaned in exasperation. “Uh, yeah. I mean just look at them. They’re like the straightest person ever. And even if by some miracle they were gay, there’s no way in hell you could pull them.”
Hazel tried not to let it show how much PJ’s words had affected her, but they had cut deep. Her eyes watered slightly and she quickly blinked to fight back the tears. Of course you would never like her. You’re… amazing. And she’s just… Hazel.
“Yeah… maybe you’re right,” Hazel sniffled, ultimately failing to hold back her tears. “Uhm, I- I’m gonna go. See you later.”
Hazel gathered her things and headed towards her dorm room, hurriedly wiping away her tears. At that moment, you looked up and saw her storming away, looking utterly miserable, and you felt your heart ache. You hated it when Hazel was sad, of course, you hated when anyone was sad, but with Hazel it was different. All you wanted was for her to be happy, and it killed you when she wasn’t. Hurriedly grabbing your bag, you rushed after her, hoping you could help make her smile again.
~
You were about to open the door to your dorm when you heard a soft sniffling from the other side. You frowned, Hazel was crying. So instead, you lightly knocked on the door, not wanting to intrude if she wanted to be alone.
“Hazel? Can I come in?” you asked, pressing your ear against the door and straining to hear her answer.
When she didn’t answer, you raised your hand to knock again, but Hazel pulled the door open just before you could. You felt your heart sink at the look of utter devastation on her face, and you wished you could just take all her pain away.
You stepped forward to hug her, but Hazel stepped back, walking over to her bed and sitting back down, pulling her knees to her chest.
You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion. Hazel always let you hug her. Something must’ve really been wrong.
You stepped inside and shut the door behind you before you walked over to your bed and sat down, facing her. You slipped your bag off your shoulder and pulled off your jacket, waiting to see if Hazel wanted to talk about it. When it became clear that she didn’t want to say anything, you took it upon yourself to break the silence.
“Hazel, what’s wrong? I’ve never seen you like this before.”
Hazel didn’t reply, staring blankly into space. Now you were really worried. She was almost never sad, and even when she was it wasn’t this bad. You stood up and walked over to her, sitting down beside her.
“Talk to me. Please. I wanna help,” you whispered, looking at her intently.
Hazel shook her head and hugged her legs tighter. “You can’t help me. You’re just making this worse.”
Your heart shattered at her words. The last thing you would ever want to do was hurt you. You loved her. And seeing her so miserable just broke your heart.
“Are you upset with me? Did I do something?”
Hazel sighed, her sobs quieting down slightly. “Just go away. Leave me alone.”
Your felt your eyes begin to water as her words struck you. She had to have been upset with you, but you had no idea what you’d done. She was so upset she didn’t even want you around her. All you wanted to do was make it better, to make her smile again. But it was starting to seem like it wouldn’t be such an easy fix this time.
“Alright then. If that’s what you want, I’ll leave you alone,” you said, getting up and grabbing your jacket, heading out of the room to give Hazel the space she asked for.
Once you were gone, Hazel only started to cry harder. She could tell her words had hurt you, and that just made her feel worse. She didn’t want you to leave, not really. It’s just that being around you only reminded her of what she couldn’t have. And that only made everything she was feeling even worse.
~
It had been a few days since you had found Hazel crying in your shared dorm room, and ever since she had pretty much been avoiding you. You missed her so much, you were so used to spending almost every day with her, and now that she was avoiding you, all you could feel was the pain of her missing presence.
You just wanted her back. You wanted to know what you did to hurt her so badly. You wanted to fix it, to make things right again so you could finally have the best thing that had ever happened to you back in your life again. But as the days passed, you knew the likelihood of that was dwindling.
You were sitting on your bed attempting to do homework, not making any progress because all you could think about was Hazel, when the door opened and Hazel stepped in. Her eyes widened when she saw you, a grimace appearing on her face.
“Oh, I didn’t think you’d be here. I think I’m just gonna go…” she said awkwardly, turning to walk back out the door.
“Don’t go! Please…” the utter desperation in your voice made Hazel stop in her tracks.
You sniffled, all of your pent up emotions finally spilling out. “Look, I’m sorry, okay? Whatever I did to make you hate me so much, I’m sorry. I miss you. I miss you so much it hurts. Just please… tell me how I can fix this,” you pleaded, your voice breaking as you began to cry.
Hazel felt horrible. She had only been ignoring you to protect her own feelings, and she didn’t even stop to consider yours. Hazel closed the door behind her and walked over to your bed, sitting down beside you.
“You- you didn’t do anything,” Hazel admitted guiltily.
“Then why are you avoiding me? Why do you hate me so much? Did you just get tired of me?” you began to cry harder, too overwhelmed by your feelings.
“I- I can’t say…” Hazel mumbled, torn between wanting to comfort you and keeping her feelings hidden out of fear of pushing you away ever more than she already had.
You turned to look at her, your eyes red and puffy and your cheeks wet with tears. Hazel frowned, and against her better judgment, she pulled you into a hug. You felt yourself relax into her embrace, hugging her back tightly, not ever wanting to let go.
“Hazel, please. Just tell me what’s wrong. I love you. I don’t want things to just end like this.”
Hazel froze. Surely she must’ve heard you wrong. There’s no way you could’ve just said that you loved her. It just wasn’t possible.
“What did you just say?” Hazel asked, slightly in shock from what she thought she heard.
You sighed and pulled away from her embrace, wiping your tears away with the back of your hands. “I- I said I love you. I know this is an absolutely horrible time to say something like this, especially because you seem to hate being around me all of a sudden, but I love you. I’ve loved you practically since we first met. And I know that-”
Hazel cut you off, connecting her lips to yours. You squeaked in shock from the unexpected action before completely melting into her touch. You kissed back eagerly, not ever wanting the moment to end.
Hazel pulled away first, resting her forehead against yours as she panted for breath. Coming down from the high of finally getting to kiss the girl you’ve been in love with for months, you only felt more confused.
“I’m sorry,” Hazel said, taking your hands in hers. “I- I never meant to hurt you like this. I- I love you too. And I was only avoiding you like this because PJ had me convinced that you could never like me back and I just couldn’t stand to be around you because of how much it hurt. But I never realized that I would be hurting you too. I am so so sorry. Is there any way you could forgive me?”
You smiled softly, sniffling again as you wiped away your tears. “I’ll forgive you. On one condition.”
Hazel nodded eagerly. “Yeah, anything.”
You smiled as you leaned in. “Kiss me again.”
tags: @hazelvrr
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talktonytome · 3 months ago
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leon bridges 9 💚
9. you stay on my mind… when I fly above
Langford smirks at Tommy, eyes flicking from the picture of Evan he has taped to the panel of the cockpit. “That your boy, Kinard?”
“No, it’s some stranger whose picture I stole,” Tommy deadpans.
“Ass,” Langford mutters, chucking a pen at him, which Tommy catches, to the other man’s annoyance. He’s “helping” Tommy conduct a pre-flight inspection, but really, he’s just here to give him shit.
Jack Langford joined Harbor a year after Tommy and he’d annoyed Tommy into friendship with him. He doesn’t mind Tommy’s snark and didn’t bat an eye when he found out he was gay. He even took it upon himself to act as Tommy’s wingman (pun not intended) before he found Evan.
“So, when are you introducing us?”
“Oh I’m not sure he, or anyone should be subjected to you so soon,” Tommy grins, checking the last few items of their list. Everything’s in order, he takes care to keep his machines running in tip-top shape.
“Come on, I’m a goddamn delight and you know it,” Jack whines. “Bring him to trivia night next week!”
Tommy doesn’t tell him the invitation had already been extended by the rest of the crew. He’d asked Evan, who eagerly accepted. “Ok, ok, just for you, Jack,” he sighs, tone all saccharine sarcasm.
“Ah, I knew you loved me, Kinard,” Jack blows a kiss at him.
Tommy shakes his head and can’t help but smile. 118 repressed Tommy would never believe he’d be here, bantering about his boyfriend, with another man in their line of work.
“He’s gonna kick everyone’s ass at trivia- he’s a fountain of knowledge,” he mentions proudly, not hiding the stupid, fond look on his face.
“Wow, you’ve got it baaad,” Jack whistles. “I’m glad you’re bringing him. I mean, we have to meet the person who’s got our Tommy so besotted. Seriously, I don’t think I’ve seen ever seen you keep anything in here that isn’t necessary,” he looks pointedly at the picture of Evan.
“Yeah, yeah,” Tommy says, rolling his eyes, and then with a soft smile, “he’s… something else, unlike anyone I’ve ever met.”
“I’ll bet,” Jack smiles. “In fact, I already like him, if he’s got you mooning like that,” he declares, bumping Tommy’s elbow before they slip into their seats.
They buckle in and Tommy prepares them for take-off. He checks the throttle and ignites the engine, inspects the controls and gauges, then opens the throttle, watching for proper RPM. When everything looks as it should, he turns off the hydraulics to check the collective, then turns them back on. He looks at the gauges and fuel again to make sure they’re all still good.
And they’re good to go. He raises the collective while adding left pedal, engages the cyclic, and they’re off. He still gets a rush every time he takes a chopper into the sky- it never gets old. He takes in the vast blue of the sky and reaches out to touch his fingers to the picture of Evan in front of him.
He’s in mid-laugh, eyes bright and that damn dimple shows in full force. Maddie has snapped it on her Polaroid camera, while he was laughing at something Tommy said. She slipped him the print with a wink and a knowing smile, and Tommy had no choice but to tape it to his cockpit, where Evan could always accompany him.
The lonely skies never really bothered him before- he enjoyed the solitude. But the thought of having a piece of Evan up there with him every time filled a hunger in him he hadn’t even realized was there.
Jack breaks the silence with a click of his phone camera, catching Tommy (seriously, who keeps their keyboard sounds on??) He’d only been silent before because he knows Tommy likes to focus when he’s taking off.
“Delete that, Langford!”
“Hm, don’t think so, bud. I’m sure Evan will want to see this,” he nods to himself. “In fact, I think I should submit this to the dictionary. They’ll put it right next to down horrendous.”
Tommy grimaces at the lingo Jack often interjects in conversation. I have a Gen Z nephew, sue me, is his usual defense. “I’ll crash this and take both of us down,” he mutters darkly.
Jack reaches over to push his shoulder. “No you won’t. Then your man will be all sad and lonely and you wouldn’t want that, right?” He shoots him a smug smile.
“No, no I wouldn’t,” Tommy says under his breath and smiles.
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thebroccolination · 6 months ago
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“IF NO ONE ACCEPTS YOU, YOU HAVE ME”
Lately I’ve seen the narrative around Krist shifting from “he’s homophobic” to “he was homophobic, but he got better :)” so!
Let’s go back to a moment in 2017 during a ceremony where Krist and Singto accepted an award from the Thai branch of the gay magazine Attitude (now defunct). That’s the magazine that published this photoshoot:
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[Attitude, 2018, promoting SOTUS S] (they also did one in 2016 for SOTUS)
Krist said that a friend of his once came out to his parents, and the parents wouldn’t accept him, so Krist told his friend, “It’s okay. If no one accepts you, you have me, and I accept you for who you are.”
So, yes, Krist was hotheaded when people kept harassing him about his sexuality, but can anyone truly blame him? No one looks at all the times he answered politely. Just the one time he broke. [EDIT: I just spoke with someone who was there when the infamous IG story was posted, and they said: “Krist's tone and demeanour when he emphatically said "no" was like, y'know, still friendly. It's like when friends tease you relentlessly and you say ‘no’ more forcefully to get them to stop?” And that actually was my first impression of it back in 2020—a joke that landed badly. And it lines up with his first apology: that he felt badly because his answer was taken out of context.]
There are people today who film these guys at the urinal. Who treat them like property because of money and time spent on them. Who hire trucks to drive around their company building making demands. And it’s 2024. GMMTV has legal teams on this stuff now. But you and I can’t imagine what kind of invasiveness Krist and Singto went through in 2016 as one of the first pairs in the BL industry to gain overnight fame and rabid, unprecedented focus from millions. Of course he snapped. It’s widely known that fans and reporters target Krist over Singto to get information even today because Singto never gives anyone the satisfaction of a reaction, but Krist is a people-pleaser and truly struggles with saying no to people. He’s always been the emotional one, the one who overthinks, the one desperate to make people happy. And when fans wanted to force KristSingto to publicly say that they were secretly dating, fans thought they could get Krist to break first, and they were right. (Personally, I always thought the Instagram story was an exaggerated joke that was a barely veiled “drop it.” EDIT: I’m glad at least one person who was there at the time can corroborate this.)
Then interfans came along, marked him as an easy target, and maliciously miscast him as a bigot to wave after wave of new interfans who never bothered to research further after a random person on the internet told them he’s a homophobe.
Krist asked his parents for their blessing to audition for SOTUS when he was still a teenager. He was afraid of what they’d think, but because his parents are lovely people, they supported him. And they still do. Krist’s father has a running joke that he’ll let Krist marry Singto if Singto brings a durian for the dowry.
I never included Singto in my clarification thread because I knew how quickly people would dismiss anything with Singto as conniving, tricksy fanservice. But you really don’t know anything about Krist until you see him with people he considers his safe spaces. That includes people like Mike. Like Gawin. Godji. Oat. These people who love him because he’s earned it.
I know I talk about this a lot. But I won’t ignore it when people try to twist his character, especially with I see them making assumptions about the premise of Ex-Morning. All I believe is that he was angry and afraid and overwhelmed. Then he reacted, apologized, and learned how to handle the fame and the invasiveness better.
Please stop trying to claw marrow out of a past mirage.
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wowevenmoreloveonearth · 10 months ago
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You know what? I have become a gaylor sympathiser
This is going to be a long post, sorry! Please read the full post before even thinking about commenting.
Over the past few days I’ve seen a few posts on my dash about taylor swift and her fans that have left a bad taste in my mouth.
I know that a lot of people think that some fans of her are “trying to make her gay” and I just wanted to put the record straight and defend some people after actually looking at what’s going on. And I know I’m probably opening myself up for tumblr’s poor reading comprehension but before I start I’m going to say this:
I do not think taylor swift is a lesbian
Ok? Now let’s have a conversation.
First of all from what I’ve seen most of the fans who talk about Taylor swift and queerness do it from a point of literary analysis and learning queer history. This is a huge part of the community and lots of people have said that they never would have learnt so much about queer history without reading taylor swift’s works through a queer lens.
Adding on to that point, it seems a little hypocritical for the gay site which loves queer readings of books, tv shows, songs, musicals, films etc to be bullying a pretty small group of people who are mainly doing queer readings of lyrics. Especially when those people get near constant death threats. Instead of bullying these people (who don’t think or do what you think they think and do) why don’t you go outside and think “does this affect me? No. Do I agree with them? No. Am I going to cyber bully them because of this? No.”
Secondly, for the people who believe that any speculation on a real persons sexuality is 100% wrong. I used to think this too but I have changed my mind a bit about this recently after stopping and thinking about it properly. I’m not trying to change your mind at all I just want you to stop and think for a minute.
If you only get mad when speculation is queer in nature, then maybe think about that for a minute. Why is it totally wrong to think a person might be queer. We probably do it in our daily lives with people we know and they likely do it with us, back in the day that’s how queer people found each other-by speculating on sexuality. Would you be upset if you found out someone that you know thought you might be queer? I wouldn’t, maybe you would but if you would, why? Why is it terrible to think someone might be queer (this is NOT about hounding a person to admit to being queer like shawn mendes, this is just thinking in your head and on your small blog that the person will likely never see). Also this is literally the website where we talk about historical (real people) being gay even when they would have never said something to the equivalent.
An addition to this point before people start saying in the comments is that this is NOT the same situation as with kit connor. The issue there was people assuming that he was straight and taking that role away from a queer person. Speculating that he was queer was the opposite of what happened in that situation. So this is not an example of what happens when you speculate queerness.
Final things to say:
1) don’t believe every post you see with someone looking insane about taylor swift being gay, a lot of them are fake.
2) before anyone says “they should listen to real queer artists instead” most of them very much do. There’s a lot of fans of Hayley kiyoko, girl in red, Janelle monae, tegan and sara, zolita, kehlani etc.
3) there are some queer flags that are there. Sorry but there are. Hairpin drops, lavender, the ladder, flag colours, songs about women, friend of dorothy reference. Whether they are intentional is a different matter.
4) shipping real people is not what is happening for the majority of the people in the community. Also this comes back to queer vs straight again. Plenty of swifties ship taylor with men she’s been seen with and no one goes into their inboxes and sends death threats even when they are the ones making taylor swift all about the men she may or may not have dated.
5) taylor swift has never stated her sexuality. I know this may be hard to belive based off of how some people act, but it’s true. She has made vague statements which could have many meanings but she has never clearly stated anything. When gaylors get upset with taylor it is not because she said she is straight, it’s because they are getting death threats and doxxed and she seems to either be unaware of it (which is unlikely given how she seems to be a little terminally online) or she doesn’t care enough to tell her fans to stop.
6) if she does explicitly say she’s straight then there will probably be disappointment in her use of queer history and flags and her potential queer erasure (as we saw with lavender haze, with straight women describing their relationships as lavender) and centring herself in queer spaces (like the you need to calm down music video) but no one will be angry that she’s not gay. And a lot will probably be grateful that she actually explicitly stated for the record to absolve any confusion. The main issue would likely be other fans ramping up the death threats and bullying.
In conclusion: these people who do queer analysis of Taylor’s work are not trying to out her or make her gay etc. if you don’t understand it that’s fine it’s clearly not for you and you can go quite easily without seeing any of it. It’s not illegal to read works through a queer lens and if it means more people know about queer history then I think that’s a very good thing.
I changed my mind after looking at what a lot of people are actually saying rather than what people perceive them to be saying and maybe you will too?
Just be kinder to people online please and if you don’t like what people are saying block them and do not engage!
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ugly-anarchist · 1 month ago
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Alright, anon, I'm not posting your messages in 3 different posts so lets just break this down here
[Indented text is the anon message. This is going to be long as hell]
butch women and trans men are not oppressed for being masculine, they’re oppressed for being gender nonconforming females (not saying trans men are women, just stating how a patriarchal society sees them).
So, firstly, the thing I'm talking about isn't actually oppression on a systemic level. You're talking about how non-queer society sees us, I'm talking about how other queer people treat us. Butch lesbians have been pushed out of sapphic spaces for a loooong time. Butch lesbians are seen as scary, mean, violent, and inherently abusive within queer spaces. Which stems from a demonization of masculinity. I should know this. I identified as a butch bisexual sapphic for years. I know what this feels like. I was once told that people with "high T levels" are more likely to be abusive, which includes me because I'm intersex and have naturally high T.
Secondly, maybe don't try to define trans men's oppression for them? I'm not a trans guy either but I experience a lot of the same bullshit from society that they do and it's not just "being a gender non-conforming female" it's a lot more complex than that. And also just, in general, a very weird way to say it.
i’ve never heard a masc cis gay man complain about being welcome or not in queer spaces, to the point in which feminine cis gay men have complained about them writing “no sissies, masc4masc” in their bio on dating apps.
I have. I've heard plenty of stories about masc gay men and specifically bi men in queer spaces feeling very unwelcome because they were being treated like a threat. And some gay men being transphobic (because s*ssy is a transmisogynistic slur in this case) or having a preference for other mascs also isn't indicative of mascs being treated well?
Like I know a lot of butch4butches that have that preference specifically because they feel unwelcome or are treated badly by femmes. I don't know how you personally not hearing about it or what some people put on their dating profile proves here.
Also your complete lack of acknowledgement of bi men in this makes me doubt even more that your perspective on this is a valid one because that tells me you either don't know any bi men or you ignore them to such an extent that you forgot they existed.
claiming misandry or anti-masculinity exists is the same as saying that heterophobia exists because straight trans people are treated like shit.
Never said that misandry on its own exists, don't know where you got that.
People are treated like shit based on the fact that they are masc all the time. That is a thing that happens. I have experienced it, I've heard so many stories from other queer people who experience it. I don't know how saying "no you don't, I'm gonna tell you what you really experience" is at all an alright thing to do.
it’s not heterophobia, it’s transphobia/homophobia. in the same way that masc afab people being treated terribly is misogyny and homophobia, and has literally zero to do with misandry/“anti-masculinity”. if anti-masculinity or misandry existed, even straight cis heterosexual men would suffer from it.
So, like, I'm talking about anti-masculinity in the queer community. "If this is true here then it must be true with this different thing" is a really bad argument because you could use that to invalidate anything that is true.
For example: The definition of racism is "prejudice based on race" which technically that definition doesn't exclude white people but you don't see anyone arguing "if racism existed, even white people would suffer from it" or trying to say it's not really about race just to exclude white people. Like, obviously you can't be racist to white people and anyone who claims you can be is just making a bad-faith argument. I am looking pointedly at you when I say that, btw.
also, a lot of radfems are gender nonconforming women/butches and literally campaign for women to drop conformity to the patriarchal concept of femininity. gender critical conservatives are not radical feminists and y’all need to stop conflating the two because no matter what jk rowling says, in practice and in theory, they have very little to do with one another (and hate each other, at that).
There's actually two sides of the "radfem" spectrum and they're both just as bad. There's the ones who hate gender non-conforming women, specifically the ones who go on HRT, and claim they're gender traitors. And then there's the ones which you describe who usually shame women for liking feminine things. Both their beliefs usually go against the whole purpose of gender-nonconformity which is to be yourself and do what makes you happy, society be damned. People who are truly GNC don't judge others for presenting in a way that is typically considered "conforming" to their gender and don't campaign for other people to be like them?
Also... Are you defending radical feminism? Are you a radfem? Because that would make a whole lotta sense.
and one last thing,
Just so you know, this is how this anon began the final message. It is the longest one. Really said "one last thing" then sent me a whole 4 paragraphs.
please stop acting like “people who are attracted to men” are demonized in queer spaces, what a slap in the face to lesbians. the moment they have a little visibility y’all claim they are privileged and somehow bossing around/discriminating against gay men.
Never said that lesbians were the oppressor in this situation. There is no oppressor, it's fully lateral mistreatment. And like.. it's not about just gay men.
Bi women have been pushed out of and demonized within sapphic spaces for decades, actually. I should know. Because again. I'm a bi sapphic. We are seen as a range of things. Pretenders, abusers, invaders, the source of lesbian oppression, tricksters that try to force lesbians to fuck men, or just disgusting. Traitors. Again.
My own mother knows this because before she married my dad she was in sapphic spaces in the 90s. From her personal accounts, bi women were seen as the enemy and a lot of lesbians... weren't even lesbians. They were political lesbians. Women who rejected their attraction to men and only dated other women. Some of them were even straight. And they were considered more of lesbians than bi women were.
Even in the modern age, bi women are expected to shit on their own sexuality. They are expected to say "ew I hate that I like men" and never date or fuck a man to be accepted in queer spaces. Again, I know this because I'M LITERALLY BI.
gay men are literally the face of this community and continually disrespect sapphic/lesbians (see the billie lyric controversy, see the way they’re treating chappel roan, see the way they keep calling women b*tches with no regards on whether we like it or not, see the way they keep fraternizing with straight women that would literally cower in fear if they saw a butch lesbian in real life).
Yeah so misogynistic gay men are in fact a problem but I'm not talking about strictly gay men. I'm talking about the way masculine perceived traits are demonized within queer circles. Come on. I'm pretty sure cis gay men were barely talked about in my original post, why are you fixating on this so hard?
just because somebody who has literally no power over gay men whatsoever and has been traumatized by men her whole life airs out her frustration with her literal lifelong oppressors via tweet or tumblr post, doesn’t mean that suddenly the patriarchy doesn’t exist anymore and has not armed lesbians especially for the past thousands of years.
So I'm talking about the people telling me I'm inherently abusive or more likely to assault people based on the fact that I have high T levels... I'm not talking about people venting about their abuse at the hands of men.
I also never said the patriarchy doesn't exist... I feel like this message isn't about me anyone.
stop painting them as the mean bosses of the community when actually they are a very small, demonized minority who suffers every day at the hands of anyone in the world who likes men (straight women, gay men, even bi women like me).
Fascinating... So... I'm not doing that. Lesbians are not the "mean bosses" of the community. Some are just treating random people shitty for perceived masculine traits with no bearing on truth or reality. A lot of them aren't even lesbians. Like I never said this was a specifically lesbian issue. I said there was a problem in the community in general. So like... all people... not just lesbians.
Also, genuine question: How are you oppressing lesbians for being bi?
it’s such a warped, harmful view and a big stereotype, at that (lesbians are man-haters who hate women’s boyfriends!! what a progressive statement!! never has it been said before, and especially not by homophobic conservatives).
I mean I just didn't say that. I don't know how to respond to this because I just straight up didn't say that.
I just... This isn't about me anymore is it?
Who hurt you?
have some respect for once, a lesbian literally threw the first brick at Stonewall.
So... uh... we don't actually know for 100% certain who threw the first brick. Some say it was Marsha P. Johnson. Some say it was "gay street kids". Even if it was a lesbian... so? Just because one lesbian did a good thing doesn't mean other lesbians are incapable of being dicks to other people?
Idk, man, I never said that lesbians were the source of all evil. I just made a post about my own personal experiences and the experiences of people I know and have seen being talked about. I'm a bi, intersex, non-binary sapphic. I get shit on for the things that people perceive as masculine traits that I have and the fact that I like men. This happens a lot.
I don't know why me saying "hey please stop implying that there is something in my blood that makes me inherently abusive" is lesbophobic. Why is this about lesbians, actually? You made it about lesbians. Why are you using lesbians, a group you've stated you're not a part of, as a gotcha against me? Why are you using lesbians to silence me about my own experiences? Why is that okay?
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mlmarint · 5 months ago
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so here’s my thoughts about the “daddy issues” thing with the whole anti tommy shit
you guys are such fucking hypocrites
i would be totally on board with someone bringing that it’s not okay to sexualize someone’s trauma if that was the case. but guess whaaaaaaat???? THATS NOT THE CASE. and it’s not “terrible dialogue” either, there’s so many scenes with terrible dialogue in this show, but some of you should really stop and ask yourselfs WHY you didn’t like this one.
if eddie was the one to make a comment like that some of you’d be OVER THE MOON. i’ve NEVER seen ANYONE in this fandom talk about how a LOT of the buddie explicit fanfics have a daddy kink on it. and before any more comments, i REALLY HATE buddie fics with daddy kink because it always reminds me of christopher and do NOT want to think about christopher in that moment.
“that’s not the problem. the problem is that once again buck it’s with someone who doesn’t care about his trauma” oh grow the fuck up.
tommy LITERALLY decided to not date buck because he thought buck wasn’t ready for it, he gave buck his space, he at first didn’t want to go to maddie and chimney wedding with buck because he thought buck was acting on impulse and wanted him to take his time to be okay with who he is, and after he was sure he tried his best to be on time to his date.
and also!!!! buck is a little “freak” in bed guys, he was a literal sex addict in season 1. every now and then the show reminds us this (like the ring cutter scene), also this is the second buck’s relationship with someone who’s like older than him. i wouldn’t be surprised if buck has a canon daddy kink because GUESS WHAAAAAT some people who have daddy issues??? THEY HAVE DADDY KINKS!!!!!
but you guys wanna know what i truly think?
i think that some of you (these tommy antis) are only here for buddie. you’re not here for the show, you’re here for buck and eddie. you’re not here for all these amazing characters!!! you’re not here for the fact that buck being a bisexual man discovering that side of him in his 30s its one of the most important things that happened in this show when we’re talking about lgbt+ characters and the importance of having something like that to be on media.
you’re not here for bi buck, you’re only here if this means that eddie will be with him. you’ll won’t be here if they decide to give a eddie queer discover story non related to buck on season 8 (and i truly think we’re going that way).
you only liked buck and tommy when you could sexualize two man kissing.
if you want to talk about something that is not okay that tommy did why don’t you rewatch the older episodes he’s in? he wasn’t a nice person back then and honestly i would like for them to bring that up!!! for them to show how a person can change and grow out of their prejudice and realize that they don’t need to be an ass and be okay with who they truly are. in fact why don’t we talk about how they hinted the fact that tommy didn’t like who he was when he was working with gerard? that he doesn’t like gerard and that he was a toxic person and that tommy grow up with a racist, homophobic and sexist dad???? that’s why he wasn’t a nice person back than but he’s different now and he’s a proud gay man and that once again that’s a nice thing to have on media because it shows how it’s NEVER too late to come in terms with who you are and change the way your are for better????
tommy isn’t perfect (and no one that he hurt before seems to actually care about it cause he did truly changed), but that doesn’t mean you need to cancel the guy FOR ONE SINGLE comment!!!! part of the 911 team made fun of buck for being sexually assaulted by his therapist but no one canceled them for it, did they?
honestly i am so fucking tired with fandoms in general.
at this point i hope we don’t get buddie being canon FOR A LONG TIME cause i want you guys to suffer with tommy and buck being in a happy relationship.
just remember: eddies it’s not canonical queer yet, there’s hints of it and they probably are going on that road with the whole thing they’re saying on interviews, BUT buck IS BISEXUAL and HE IS dating TOMMY you like it or not and it’s by far the most healthy relationship he EVER had in this show, can’t you be happy for him????
you can be a buddie shipper and still enjoy bucktommy because what we should truly want more than anything it’s buck and eddie to be happy with who they are.
and I SAY ALL THIS BEING A BUDDIE SHIPPER FOR YEARS
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sparrowsoupp · 5 months ago
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some of the most iconic queer poster children of the warrior cats fandom. happy pride to the girls gays and theys (particularly those who enjoy brawling feline content)
dabble in my headcannons for these pairings under the read-more button if i’ve piqued your interest…
RAVEN x BARLEY (gay x gay)
i know there’s been a bit of controversy going around about these two and how they could be seen as toxic, with barley being insecure over ravenpaw’s connection to thunderclan. i get that perspective for sure, but i think it’s representative of REASONABLE flaws in a real relationship. obviously it’s not ideal that they never completely resolve it (since it’s ‘solved’ in the graphic novel but reopened in ravenpaw’s novella) and i wished that they addressed that more concretely (i say about a fucking middle grade book about talking cats LOL) but even more so i think you could see it as a realistic relationship as with issues in those, they often subdue and reoccur at intervals. it’s just about talking it out with your partner 🦭👍 plus if the majority of their relationship outside of this is good (which i definitely see it as, since obviously the books have to take place at points of conflict for there to be interesting things to write about) then it seems to be a somewhat small flaw.
that being said i haven’t actually read the books this comes up in so take my opinion with grains of salt, just online discourse about it. totally get if your life experience makes you see their interactions another way as this is just my two cents based on my experience with people.
overall i’m not a superfan of the sickly-sweet reputation these two get but i do like them for what i see them as, which is a Normal Relationship with Some Flaws. i like that they find solace in each other in a peaceful place after fleeing their less peaceful pasts. it’s a great dynamic (and i’m a sucker for farms) and i think they compliment each other’s personalities really well, with barley bringing ravenpaw out of the shell he’s been forced into and ravenpaw inspiring more cautiousness in a very brash barley who would otherwise probably jump into fights at the drop of a hat.
on a somewhat unrelated note, as a kid did anyone else wish that ravenpaw dropped his paw suffix? or blue/firestar granted him an honourary suffix for everything the poor kid went through? this isn’t like a super big meanigful thing but it just annoyed me when i was younger that the paw suffix kind of belittles him to apprentice level when after the fuckery the poor kid went through i think he deserves more recognition from the clans than that.
BLUESTAR x YELLOWFANG (bi x bi)
OKAYYY old women! while fanart of the two of them being in a loving happy relationship is very cute i like to take my old woman yuri one-sided and traumatic.
i think that yellowfang would have an unrequited crush on bluestar. what’s there not to like?! at the point when they meet bluestar is a compassionate but commanding cat in the prime of her leadership. after a bit of her being in the camp i think bluestar would also start spending a curious amount of time in the medicine den… unconciously she definitely saw the appeal in yellowfang from the getgo- it definitely strengthens the reasoning of her surprising decision to defend yellowfang as a member of thunderclan depsite risking a full on war with other clans from it, and her other clanmates lives in the process. obviously bluestar’s a leader that wouldn’t base a decision like that just based on a crush, and it was definitely because of what she wants her clan to stand for, but it’s Not a downside that the cute lady she used to see at gatherings gets to stay a while
bluestar’s definitely not letting it occupy her mind though, of course, totally not (the lady has Trauma from her relationship with oakheart and i see her as having an attatchment issue where she doesn’t feel like she deserves to have a healthy relationship, especially after losing mosskit. she’s just not fully ready yet). yellowfang pines as she watches bluestar throw herself fully into her work to distract herself from the growing feelings, and at some point probably grows annoyed with the cat-and-mouse and starts dedicating herself fully to her own work as a medicine cat too. there are moments of sweetness and clarity and words on the tips of tongues, but just as unexpectedly as they come bluestar will turn her head back to her duties.
unfortunately once tigerstar’s betrayal happens all cute flirting comes to a screeching halt as bluestar is consumed by the paranoia. on the good days she’ll hold stilted conversation with her clanmates, but not so much on the bad days. yellowfang hurts as she watches her crush sprial into madness and dysfunction, the likes of which is only heightened when the fire happens and yellowfang passes- completely insetting bluestar’s hatred for starclan for taking her love (who she still does have deeply-buried feelings for) away from her.
overall, can you tell i love inflicting mental anguish on bluestar? it’s my favourite hobby. i’m not even joking.
LEAFPOOL x MOTHWING (bi x lesbian)
okay this one might make you realise i love doomed yuri. Anyways,
put simply, i think leafpool and mothwing find each other attractive and secretly hook up on a frequent basis for some…. Funny Business. Hanky-Panky, if you will. ‘no-strings-attached’ yeah right i don’t think sapphics have ever pulled off a no strings attatched relationship without casualities.
mothwing definitely wants to confess but leafpool by that point has been forcing herself to move on and ends up telling mothwing about ‘liking’ crowfeather right before mothwing works up the courage (reading leafpool x crowfeather for the first time in the canon books geniunely felt like someone’s ao3 crackship. i guess that’s what traumabinding will do to two mfs). or maybe mothwing notices that leafpool is pregnant (which HOW THE HELL DID NOONE NOTICE IN CANON) and backs the hell off from that. maybe a very angsty argument over that… delicious.
how very ‘good luck babe’ by chappell roan of them! i think things end pretty awkwardly for mothpool and neither leafpool nor crowfeather are really in love with each other they’re just something shiny and distracting from each of their respective circuses of personal lives. i literally hear the clown music playing as they run away together. maybe it’s tinnitus.
they probably pine for each other forever and ever after that, neither falling in love again because they never get over each other. damn. how awkward is it to see your kind-of-ex at the moonpool every month…
anyway thanks for reading though beau’s cat rambles! if youve stuck it out to here… a tip of the hat to you
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sukiipjs · 8 months ago
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✮ BLONDIE : PT 1
°:. *₊ ° . ☆ °:. *₊ ° . ° .•
↳ nick sturniolo x masc reader
↳ words - 2239
↳ summary - you’ve been having a hard time realizing and accepting the fact that you’re gay, and in love with your best friend. you try to ignore the feelings but that only makes everything worse until you can’t hide it anymore.
↳ contains - swearing, angst, use of y/n, internalized homophobia, depression, crying, idk??? [READ PT 2 - PT 3]
↳ song - blondie by current joys
°:. *₊ ° . ☆ °:. *₊ ° . ° .•
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°:. *₊ ° . ☆
nick has been my best friend for years, he’s always been there for me, and me there for him. we met in the first grade when he saw me alone at recess on the swings and he ran up to me, asking if i wanted to play with him and his brothers. one of the many things i love about him, hes always there, always there to help, or just be with. from that day on he’s always been my number one but honestly, i’ve been kind of avoiding him lately.
of course i don’t want to, i really really don’t want to, trust me, but i don’t want to make anything bad between us either. even though pushing him away is probably fucking things up anyway.
the thing is, for months, maybe even years now i think that i might be coming to a realization: i think i’m gay, or not gay but bi? i hate labels, i dont want to be put into a box, its honestly just hard to fit into one too. i mean i’ve had girlfriends before and i’ve liked that, but nick…
okay i might be coming to another realization: i think i’m in love with nick. and to make everything worse, i can’t even talk to anyone about this because the only person i would tell is nick, but if i told him, well i just cant, it could destroy our friendship. he’d hate me, i cant lose him.
but maybe i’m not in love with him, i mean i love nick, i always have but maybe its not love love? maybe its just me appreciating our friendship more. okay who am i kidding it’s definitely becoming more, I LOVE HIM. he’s just perfect, in general, to me, to everyone. i want to spend every moment of my life with him, i want to hug him and never let him go, i want to be with him, i just want to see him again.
i can’t even imagine what he’d say if he knew i liked him. he’d probably be disgusted, i’d ruin our friendship forever. i cant do that, i can’t risk anything like that, i need him even if that means the best thing i can do is just stay away, make up lies of why i cant hang out, slowly stop texting him, i mean maybe it's not the best thing but its either i do this and try and force these feelings down or i tell him and ruin everything. this is better, or at least that’s what i keep telling myself.
☆ °:. *₊ ° . °
nick 🫶
| wanna hang out today? haven’t seen you in forever, i’m boredddd
| i know i’m sorry, but i cant today, really really sorry. still not feeling good
| that’s okay, hope you feel better though 💕 if you need anything tell me okay?
| i’d rather hang out with you and get sick then spend one more second with my idiot brothers over here 💀
i stare at the message on my screen, i’m not sick, i’m just trying to be a good friend… by avoiding my best friend… sure, whatever.
i slam down my phone on my mattress, rolling over and burying my face in my pillow. muffled screams from my mouth as tears, start to pour from my eyes. every time i message him, saying i cant hang out i immediately regret it. i want to see him, i always do but again, i cant, i fucking cant. it would only make my feelings stronger and i just need to get rid of them as soon as i can so things can just go back to how they were.
fuck, here comes the spiral that ive been replaying in my head forever. do i even really like him? am i really bi, gay, straight, whatever the fuck? i don’t even know, it’s all too confusing and stressful right now. why can’t i just be me? and have my best friend with me again? actually hang out with him, see him?
all i can really do right now is continue screaming and crying into my pillow about how much of a shitty friend i’m being, great. I constantly stalk his instagram, trying to see if i do really like him and try to see what he’s up to without me, i miss him so much.
…i wish he was a girl then i would be straight and all this shit wouldn’t hurt so much. i’m not trying to say that being gay is bad, all i’m saying is that it would be easier to figure all this out if i was straight and he was a girl. i know that’s so messed up to say but i don’t know how else to put it.
if he was a girl, i’d know that i’m in love with him, i wouldn’t be so afraid to accept myself because there wouldn’t be anything to accept. i’d just be me and he’d she’d be him her, i’d get to be his her boyfriend and we’d be a happy couple. i’d be happy and i wouldn’t have to push the person i love most in this stupid world away…
i smash my face into my silky white pillowcase over and over, shaking my head as i force the sides of the pillow into my face more. i want to suffocate.
i scream into my pillow more and more. ‘i love you nick, i love you nick, i love you. i DONT love you nick, i DONT love you nick, i DONT love you… but i do, i really really do, but i cant… i really really fucking cant.’
°:. *₊ ° . ☆
i stay rotting in my bed, spiraling about random shit, taking random quizzes of ‘am i gay?’ or ‘am i in love with my bestfriend?’ or ‘is it a crush?’ like i know.
soft blankets cover me, my silky pillows supporting my back as i rewatch rupaul's drag race on my computer until i finish it again, oreos and empty dr pepper cans surround me. and of course, nick always in my mind, everything reminding me of him, those stupid quizzes, his favorite show, his favorite drink. i wish he could be here, like how we used to hang out before i started ruining everything but i could be ruining it more, at least im keeping my mouth shut.
every once and a while, a message from nick pops up. him sending me a tiktok or telling me about how spacecamp is going or just something random, asking how im doing, if im still sick. most times i try to ignore him, turning off the notifications but i answer sometimes, only one or two words, maybe just an emoji, just trying to say something. i don’t want him to think i hate him or anything, i still of course love him.
the only time i ever get up from my bed is to go the the bathroom or get more food, ive been wearing the same two sweatpants alternating them and random shirts that i throw on the floor after i wear them for enough. my hair shaggy and a scratchy stubble on my face. i look and feel gross. i didnt think that forcing my best friend away and trying to figure out my sexuality could make me this depressed, who knew.
☆ °:. *₊ ° . °
weeks pass of me ignoring (or at least trying to ignore) nick and weeks of screaming into my sheets and sleeping all day become more and more. i finally decide to leave my apartment and stock up on some random things that will help me rot in my room even more: coffee, chips, oreos, whatever else i might want.
as i scan the aisle for dr pepper, standing in my gray hoodie with the hood covering me and one of the two sweatpants i’ve been wearing on, i hear a voice at the end of the row calling to me, “y/n?” my head turns to see who knows me that’s here, about to see how disgusting i look and just my luck, it’s nick.
“nick” a bright smile floods my face, i haven’t seen him for what seems like forever, i look at his blonde hair with grown out brunette roots, plus that signature nose ring and star earrings, of course he looks great.
he runs up to me, giving me a warm hug as he smiles too, “oh my god i haven’t seen you in decadessss” he exaggerates, laughing at me, “you feeling better now?” i tilt my head a little, confused but then i remember my lie. “oh yeah, i am. even though i dont look it” i try to scoff a laugh, looking down at myself, excusing how ‘i dont care’ i look right now.
“you look fine.” he laughs back again, “you know… me, chris and matt were gonna go out for dinner soon, wanna come?” i can tell he really wants me to be there and i really want to but i try to push it away, still.
“uhhh, i think had something later, sorry” my small smile slowly fading as his does too, i don’t think i’ve seen his smile leave that fast. “really? we haven’t talked in weeks, i miss you” he jokes a little, but really we do miss each other.
“i know, i’m sorry, but i promise we’ll hang out soon yeah?” i try to fake a small smile, trying to make this a little better but nick still looks sad, “yeah okay, see you later then?” he looks like he hates me, he looks just annoyed, hurt. i feel terrible.
“yeah, later” i’m about to walk closer to give him another hug but he leaves, to i assume go find his brothers, before i can. i’m terrible.
i finish up grabbing my things before leaving and driving off, replaying our interaction in my head. i could’ve just went? it was one dinner, that’s all. not a big deal. but it’s too late, it would just be weird if my schedule suddenly cleared up now.
°:. *₊ ° . ☆
i make my way back to my apartment, putting my bags down on the counter before going straight to my room again, flopping down on top of the pile of blankets and stuffed animals that cover my bed.
i dig in my pocket for my phone, taking it out as i grab a blanket to pull it over my face, closing off the sun that shines through my window.
i go straight to me and nicks messages, thinking of texting him. ‘i’m sorry’ too short, plain. ‘sorry, i was wrong i can go’ feels like i’m pitying him, plus just dumb. ‘i love you’ yeah definitely not. ‘come over? sorry’ again, stupid and he can NOT see the mess i have over here.
i decide on nothing and put my phone to the side of me, burying my head into my pillows again, tears flooding my eyes again again again. it’s too much. this is all stupid and i need to get over it all. this is terrible.
i go back to my cycle of curling up in warm blankets, eating my now new oreos and dr pepper and rewatching shows i’ve seen a million times before. and obviously stalking nicks instagram, he posted a story of him and his brothers at dinner. he’s still wearing those earrings and that same beige jacket he was wearing before, and he still looks great.
i swipe up, about to message him. ‘you look great, sorry i couldn’t come’ i quickly delete it and just like the story. i need to stop trying to message him when i’m trying to ignore him.
₊ ° .☆ °:. *₊
after falling asleep shortly after i finished looking at nicks story i wake up to like five texts from who? nick, of course.
nick 🫶
| are you ignoring me?
| like did i do something or what?
| are you okay?
| can we just talk or hang out please?
| y/n?
| okay sorry actually, never mind
my heart drops, i feel so TERRIBLE. nick did nothing and i never want him to think that he did something wrong. he’s perfect.
i pick up my phone to respond but honesty i don’t know if i should… i want him to know that he did nothing but he’s right about me ignoring him… fuck this. i just ignore him, still.
i shut off my phone fast and roll to my other side, curling up my legs and staring at the small textured bumps on the off-white wall that i face. i take in every detail, trying to distract myself with something else. i spot all the tiny discolorations or stains on the wall, the way it all starts to blur when tears, again, rain out my eyes.
they drip on the curves of my cheeks and lips, my hands are tucked under my legs as he tears drop onto my sheets, i don’t bother wiping them off. they make a small circle ish shape when it hits on my bed with a darker gray on my gray sheets.
my spiraling hits again when the ridges on my wall go dark as my eyes close. why can’t my best friend just be my best friend? why can’t i just be a normal person? why can’t i just forget it all? why can’t this all just go away? why? why? why? why?
☆ °:. *₊ ° . °
taglist : @slutforchriss @mattsleftnipple03 @mattsdinosweater @ccolleenn @mixvchelle @leah-loves-lilies @sturn-wrld @redz0nez9 @cheriematt @freshloveforthefit @nickuniversity @whore4matt @txssvx @will-yummy
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idyllicwillowtree · 2 years ago
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Vickie's Friend
Genre: Steve Harrington x fem!reader
Summary: Robin isn’t the only one chatting up a lady while volunteering at Hawkins High. 
Word count: 1.5K
Warnings: swearing, use of y/n, gay stereotypes?, earthquake mention, fluff
Author’s note: I like the idea of Vickie having a friend they could go on double dates with lol let me know if you want another part!
Main Masterlist
Saturday, March 29, 1986
“Okay, then we sort by age,” you hear Marge say. Looking up from the baby clothes you were folding, you see she’s talking to none other than Steve Harrington. He quickly bends down to rescue some fallen clothes, as he follows Marge, “We’ve got infants, girls, boys, men, women…”
You scan the gym with new found excitement. Wherever Steve was, you knew Robin would be close by. They always seemed to be together whenever you saw Robin outside of school. When you spot her, you couldn’t help but let a smile slither onto your face. She was assigned to make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, alongside your best friend. You watched as Vickie came out of the kitchen, freezing the moment she saw Robin.
Unfortunately, you were interrupted from watching the rest of their interaction when Marge brought Steve over, “and Steve, this is Y/N. You guys can work together on this new pile,” she said, motioning to the clothes you just started organizing.
You never really cared for Steve. He seemed a bit egotistical for your liking but if Robin allows his company then he couldn’t be that bad. Truth be told, you wanted a chance to talk to him one-on-one to see if he and Robin were dating. Vickie was convinced they must be together since they’re basically joined at the hip, but you weren’t so sure. You’ve seen Steve back when he was in High School all over whatever girl he was dating at the time, always one to show off public displays of affection. But you’ve never seen him do that with Robin so now was your chance to do some investigating.
“Hey Y/N, good to see you,” he said with a sad smile.
“Hi Steve, you too,” you said softly.
You and Steve had a couple of classes together back in the day so you knew of each other but never really had a conversation outside of school before. On any other day if you saw Steve at a grocery store or something you’d probably pretend not to recognize him and turn the other direction. But there’s something about a giant traumatic earthquake that made you happy to see that he was okay. 
As you both work, you notice him glancing over at Robin every once in a while and smiling to himself. 
“Oh wow,” he said suddenly.
Looking over at him, you see he’s holding a piece of clothing with the most atrocious pattern you have ever seen. Patterns were all the rage right now, but this was just too much. Steve unfurrowed it to fully reveal a giant pair of hammer pants with stirrups. Half of it was neon yellow and the other half was black and white checkers. Fortunately, it was missing a huge chunk of fabric in the crotch area so you wouldn’t have to subject it to some poor person who recently lost their house.
“Now why would anyone want to donate this? It had to have been an accident,” you say sarcastically.
“Maybe I’ll take them home. I’ve been meaning to get a pair of parachute pants that’ll actually accentuate my junk,” Steve laughed.
“It’ll make life easier in the restroom, that’s for sure.”
Steve barked out a laugh, his hair moving out of place as he shook his head. Your heart swelled and your palms began to sweat as you chuckled alongside him. Succeeding in getting Steve to laugh left your cheeks feeling warm.
“So you and Robin work at the video store, right? Family Video?” you pry, trying your best to sound casual.
“Yep. You and Vickie rented Fast Times recently, didn’t you?”
You stiffened, “y-yeah, how’d you remember?”
Steve’s movements stuttered, he tried disguising it by scratching the back of his neck. “Oh, uh, just cause Robin and I liked it,” he cleared his throat, “how’d you guys like it?”
“Well, Vickie and I loved it. We happen to be normal,” you say with a laugh, “Dan, on the other hand, did not.”
“Dan?”
“Vickie’s boyfriend. Well, ex-boyfriend.” Steve stood up a little straighter and turned to look at Robin, watching as Vickie said something that made her laugh. “They got into this weird passive aggressive argument about it and I was there to witness it all,” you shuttered dramatically.
“They broke up over Fast Times?” Steve chuckled.
“No, but I’m sure it didn’t help,” you giggled with him. “I say good riddance though, I don’t know what she saw in him. Thank god she’s single now.” Now her and Robin have a better chance, you thought. “Sorry, I shouldn’t be talking shit about Vickie’s ex-boyfriend to you.”
Steve flung a kids t-shirt over his shoulder, “no please continue. I love the drama,” he said, sending you a smile that awoke the butterflies in your stomach.
“What about you and Robin? How’s that going?” 
“Me and Robin? Oh, we're not dating. We’re both very single,” he said.
A victory smile made its way onto your face and you pushed down the instinct to pump  your fist in excitement. You were right, Steve and Robin were just friends. Maybe part of you was happy that Steve was single too.
“What?” Steve said, looking at you head on now.
“W-what?”
Steve’s eyes had a sparkle to them as his face broke out into a smug grin, “you smiled. After I told you I was single.”
“Did I?” you turn away from his gaze to continue folding, doing your best to push down the blush that was creeping up your neck. “You also told me Robin was single. Who’s to say I’m not smiling about that?”
Technically, that was true. You were excited that Robin was single, just not for your own sake. You couldn’t help but tease him back a little.
“Hey, there’s no reason to get defensive,” he held his hands up in surrender. “For the record, if you told me you were single I’d probably smile too.”
Your head whipped over to him in surprise. Was Steve Harrington flirting with you? Were you flirting back? 
You smiled shyly, looking back down at the blouses you were folding, “well it’s a good thing I’m single then, isn’t it?”
It was Steve’s turn to look at you in shock before he quickly recovered, looking like the cat that caught the canary. Your eyes connected and it was like all the pieces started coming together. He looked at you like you were the most precious thing on earth. Despite the hardships your town is going through right now, you couldn’t help but feel hopeful for the first time in forever. 
-
“Our best friends are gonna start dating now, aren’t they?” Vickie laughed.
Robin giggled at the dopey look on Steve’s face, “oh, most definitely.”
-
A few days earlier…
Friday, March 21, 1986 
“I just feel like if I start trying to date now and I fall in love, or whatever, I’m just setting myself up for disappointment because what if we move away from each other after graduation or something? I don’t know, does that make sense?...Vickie? Vickie, are you listening to me?” you said, turning away from the road to look at your friend in the passenger seat.
Vickie’s mouth was agape as she continued painting her lashes with mascara, “yes, yes, I’m listening.”
“What did I say?” you challenged.
“Something about…I don’t know, wanting a boyfriend?”
You slapped your hand against the steering wheel in frustration, “No! That’s not, ugh, nevermind.”
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry! It’s seven in the morning and I’m just not built to handle these deep conversations when it’s this early! And now we have to go to this stupid pep-rally and I woke up looking like an actual dead person!”
Glancing over at her you noticed how fidgety she was being. She kept going back to retouch her lip gloss and was tugging at her red bangs, trying to get them to cooperate.
“Ohhhh, I see what’s happening,” a shit-eating grin spread along your face. “You’re nervous about seeing Robin,” you sang, teasingly.
“What? I am not!” Vickie’s fair skin immediately turned a violent shade of red.
“Yes you are! You really expect me to believe you’re freaked out over a stupid basketball game? And you know what else I think?”
“Uh, I really don't care what-”
“You’ve gotta ditch the stick and go after Robin!”
The corners of Vickie’s mouth turned down, “the stick?”
“Yeah, I’m talking about Dan. The stick being his penis,” you said plainly.
“Ew, gross, don’t say penis!”
“The fact that the word itself grosses you out, tells me you’d be a lot happier with someone who doesn’t have one. Someone like Robin!”
“We don’t even know if she likes girls, Y/N.”
“Her favorite movie is Children of Paradise, Vick. I don’t know of any straight girls who can sit through a foreign film, let alone call it their favorite.”
“That doesn’t mean anything,” Vickie said in defiance.
“Okay fine. But we both saw the way she was staring at that Phoebe Cates standee in Family Video. You can’t forget about my ‘Operation Fast Times’ plan.”
Vickie rolled her eyes and scoffed in frustration, “I still can’t believe we did that.”
“It’s the perfect plan! She’ll see you paused at 53 minutes 5 seconds and boom, you’re in!”
_______________________________________________
Part 2
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i-heart-hxh · 20 days ago
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Hi, I hope you’re doing well. I recently discovered that Togashi compared Gon and Killua to two hamsters that often kiss in a commentary of Shonen Jump in chapter 94 (issue 39) I wonder if it was intentional, if he really wanted to show us that Killugon is real (not to mention the romantic subtexts). This is the first time I’ve seen Togashi explicitly talk about Killugon.
Hello! I've been busy but I'm doing well, thanks! I've considered bringing this topic up before, though the situation is a lot more vague and non-specific than your impression, unfortunately.
So, here's the chapter comment Togashi made:
"The two hamsters are suspiciously close. They often kiss (or look like it) each other, although they’re both male..."
You can find a source for this here.
There was no further context to this comment. He didn't say anything else, he didn't connect it to Gon and Killua, he never brought it up again as far as I'm aware.
Togashi has been known to keep various animals, so he may have been referring to two actual hamsters he kept or knew about at some point.
However... Even if this is the case, it's reasonable to wonder if there is more meaning to him bringing this up--particularly within the context of HxH, where Gon and Killua are, in fact, incredibly close. There's no way to prove whether or not he was trying to connect it to them, as the comment stands alone. Personally, I think it's possible he said that with Gon and Killua in mind because they're what I immediately conjure with that comment (granted, I am obviously obsessed with them so I'm biased), but I have no more background info to back this up than anyone else. Maybe it's just an offhanded comment with no other meaning, maybe it's intended to be taken as some sort of hint or have some sort of meaning. I think he put it out there knowing his audience might take it in some sort of way, though.
It's a pretty funny comment for him to make in connection with HxH (gay subtext galore, and of course he's aware of this) regardless of his specific intentions or reasons, however.
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myfairkatiecat · 4 months ago
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Not to be rude but I think it's quite silly to say OP's religious beliefs are irrelevant, and cannot be referenced, because they are not explicitly mentioned in the post being reblogged, when op has stated directly that they are homophobic because of their religious beliefs, and the post being reblogged is being accused of homophobia. Like, if some guy made a post saying "I think no women should be able to have jobs because that makes them less dependent on men and therefore I can't get a girlfriend", then made a separate post saying "Media nowadays glorifies women having jobs too much!! Stay at home mothers need more representation!!!" I think it would be extremely relevant in that situation to say, "Ok, this guy has clearly stated biases in this conversation, which calls into question whether this post is REALLY just about representation in media or whether it's indicative of OP's real life agenda." (Not trying to conflate religion with being an incel here btw, just giving an example of another time when knowing more information about the source of the post changes the way you might interpret it.)
The person reblogging that post didn't just say "OP's username is religious so I'm going to read this as homophobic!!!", they linked a specific post in which OP directly stated "My religion prevents me from accepting LGBT people, and I use my religious texts to justify why being LGBT is wrong." How is that not relevant context for their post griping about how fandom makes everything gay?
Ooh, let’s work within your hypothetical!
Some guy is being misogynistic on their blog but then makes a valid post about how stay at home mother’s don’t get enough representation in media.
If the post that says “stay at home mothers should get more representation!” says absolutely nothing about how women actually shouldn’t ever get jobs, then it’s a good post about the validity of mothers we choose to stay at home and how they deserve more representation in the media! There is therefore nothing wrong with reblogging and agreeing with the post, and going into the reblogs of that post to tell everyone “how hard is it for you to just look at their url and blog and realize they say other stuff that you DON’T agree with?” would be kinda rude.
Reblogging a post boosts the signal on what was said in that post. It doesn’t subscribe you to that person’s entire belief system.
Furthermore, the original poster, Gracie, says very very little about that topic on her blog to keep from offending anyone. I’ve never seen her try to force her beliefs onto anyone. She’s super respectful while also believing, as her religion states, that her God is the one true God. This is a belief claim about a system that would therefore according to her beliefs apply to everyone, but she isn’t forcing anyone to agree with her. The post that was cited in that reblog in which Gracie says explicitly her beliefs regarding the LGBT community and scripture was in a response to an ask that was sent to her. She didn’t even volunteer the information, someone asked her for it, and she replied honestly. I have never seen Gracie be anything but respectful, and if you knew her, you’d know she’s super kind and never would want anyone to feel invalidated or uncomfortable because of something she posts.
No one, including Gracie, is forcing you to agree with her religious beliefs. If they make you uncomfortable, I highly recommend not scrolling through a Christian blog. When people are reblogging her post, they aren’t even necessarily saying they agree with everything she’s ever posted. That topic is entirely separate. If you want to converse civilly with Gracie about why she believes what she believes, I recommend being respectful to her. If you’d rather ignore her all together, I point you towards the block button.
If somebody’s religion or belief system makes you uncomfortable enough that you don’t want to engage with any of their content, that’s your choice, but the people in the reblogs aren’t being “dumb” for not “checking who the source is,” they’re just saying they agree with the post they agree with.
Imagine agreeing with a post you agree with! Novel concept.
In short, posts are independent pieces of text. Reblogging a post doesn’t say anything except “I agree with this piece of text and want to share it.” If that piece of text doesn’t say anything about OP’s religion, then their religion isn’t relevant to the post. It’s as simple as that.
I hope you have a blessed day <3
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qedart · 2 years ago
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Thanks to everyone who voted in the poll! I hope this qualifies well enough for the ‘Something Sweet’ category.  Also please be gentle, this is the first fic I’ve written in years.
---
They were supposed to be having dinner. That had been the plan at least. 
After flying multiple cross-country trips (consistently with his least favourite first-officer too) Ron had secured himself some well-earned and very-much-needed time off. He’d decided to spend it in San Diego, catching up with Ice, Mav, and the kids (both the actual kids and Mav’s strays). Tonight was his first night in town and the intention was for the five of them to go out, grab a nice bite to eat and properly catch up.
Unfortunately before they even set foot in the door of the nice little Italian place they’d picked out, Ice’s phone began to ring. The grimace that had pulled at his face upon glancing at the caller ID made it clear to all of them it wasn’t a call he could dismiss either. 10 minutes in, Tom was still talking outside but hadn’t made moves to leave for the office yet. Unfortunately he also didn’t look like things were wrapping up either. 
At the five minute mark Mav and Pete had gone to order the table drinks, but promptly got distracted on the way by the ping-ball machine that had been pushed into the back corner of the shop (a shiny ball, flashing lights, and the prospect of a pointless competition - the poor little morons never stood a chance). They were now vying, loudly, for the top score instead.
Rolling his eyes at the Mitchell show, Ron turned back to the only person who had the decency to stick around. But where Tom had been idly reading through the menu when he’d looked away, the kid now looked all the world like he was trying to work up the nerve to do something, or say something. 
Arching a brow, Ron nudged the boy's shoulder, grimacing apologetically at the flinch it earned. 
“You alright there, Buddy? " he asked, as gently as he could manage. 
Tom shot a fleeting glance his way before turning back to the menu once again, humming and nodding stiffly in response.
Others may have pushed the subject, but Ron had been handling Icicles for a good long while now, and knew that the best thing for situations such as these was to give it time. Rushing it only led to walls going up or conversations stalling because Tom wasn’t completely ready to say what he needed to say but felt pressured to say something regardless. Neither were productive ways to spend one’s night.
So picking up his phone and tapping through to his newsfeed, that’s precisely what Ron did. He’d managed to get most of the way through the major headlines when Tom started fidgeting in his peripheral. 
“Uncle Sli?”
Giving himself a quick mental pat on the back, Ron put down his phone and turned his attention back to Tom, who was looking over at him with an expression that he hadn’t seen in decades. That was to say the Tom Kazansky special blend of being intensely anxious while desperately trying to mask it behind cool indifference. Not necessarily a unique combination but one Ron could pick out of a line-up any day of the week.
“What’s up, kiddo?” he replied. 
Tom faltered for a moment, before clearing his throat and drawing a deep, steadying breath. 
“This is going to sound stupid,” he said, eyes fixed down on the menu in front of him but pushing through with all his might. “All things considered, it’s probably blatantly obvious. Doesn’t need saying. And… maybe… I don’t know… it’s just….
“I know it’s silly, and that it’s not a big deal anymore really, and everyone who properly matters here is already fine with it. I just… I’ve never actually told anyone and I feel… I sort of just want…”
“Want what?” Ron gently prompted.
Dragging in a deep, shuddering breath Tom turned to face Ron properly for the first time that evening. 
“I’m gay,” he uttered, fingers clenching at his arms so hard the nails had started to go white with the pressure. “I-I’ve known for a while, but I’ve never actually… said it. Or told anyone.”
Ron blinked.
Well, that wasn’t what he had been expecting. But in retrospect it really really should have been. He’d had this conversation before after all. Not quite word for word, obviously, but the open mix of fear of a poor reaction and quiet hope of acceptance battling for dominance on Tom’s face made it feel pretty damn identical all the same. 
Smiling warmly, Ron wrapped an arm around the kid's shoulders and tugged him closer, just like he had his little brother all those years ago. 
“That’s still a big thing, Buddy. Definitely not stupid at all,” he said, smiling a little wider as he felt Tom lean properly against him. “Thanks for trusting me.”
“S’alright.”
“Love you, kiddo.”
“...Thank you,” Tom whispered, so quietly Ron almost didn’t catch it. These damn kids really were out to break his heart it seemed. 
Sighing deeply, he pressed a firm kiss to the top of the boy’s head and held him tight until the moment was broken by a loud, indignant squawk from behind them. 
“You’re a damn cheat!” Pete cried from the pinball machine. 
“You are a sore loser,” Maverick jeered back.
Slider rolled his eyes and muttered, “Those idiots are going to get us kicked out before we even order.”
Tom laughed quietly and nodded, before pulling away from the hug and getting to his feet. 
“Back in a sec,” he said, before strolling over to, presumably, pull the Mitchell’s back into line. 
Ron arched his brow when Ice dropped back down at the table not a moment later, like he’d been waiting to do so. He was off his phone too, miracle of miracles. 
“Everything good in the Pentagon?” Ron drawled, leaning back in his seat. 
“You know I can’t comment on that,” Ice replied, taking a sip of his water as he stowed his phone away. 
Ron rolled his eyes and scoffed, “Yes yes, you’re a very powerful and important man.”
“That goes without saying,” the smug little shit retorted, smirking - before shooting him a knowing look. “You’re 2 for 2 now, huh?” 
Slider blinked innocently, leaning back a little further in his seat. 
“No idea what you’re talking about, Ice,” he replied smoothly, because even in this very peculiar situation it wasn’t really his news to be spreading about, was it? 
Ice’s smirk gentled into something a little warmer as he nodded his understanding, before reaching over and nudging Ron’s arm gently. “Thanks for being there for him too, Sli.”
Ron smiled, ducking his head as he nudged him back. 
“Any time, little brother.”
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wen-kexing-apologist · 7 months ago
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Bengiyo's Queer Cinema Syllabus
I am currently working my way through Unit 4: Heartbreak Alley, the totally light-hearted, definitely not agonizing section of @bengiyo's queer cinema syllabus where I get to watch countless acts of violence be committed against queer people. Thank fuck I have Lesbians waiting for me at the end of this unit. The films in Unit 4 are: Bent (1997), Strange Fruit (2004),Boys Don’t Cry (1999), Brokeback Mountain (2005), Parting Glances (1986), Philadelphia (1993), The Living End (1992), Holding the Man (2015), Jeffery (1995), and Boys on the Side (1995).
Today i will be talking about
Philadelphia (1993) dir. Jonathan Demme 
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[Run Time: 2:05, Available on: YouTube for rent, Google Play, Amazon, Lang: English]
Summary: When a man with HIV is fired by his law firm because of his condition, he hires a homophobic small time lawyer as the only willing advocate for a wrongful dismissal suit.
Cast: * Tom Hanks as Andrew Beckett * Denzel Washington as Joe Miller * Antonio Banderas as Miguel
___
To steal a comment from @lurkingshan, it has been awhile since I’ve watched a good legal thriller. Philadelphia is brilliant, and I don’t just mean in the general sense, I mean it is smart. It is smart in how it sets itself up. We start with Andy and Joe on opposites sides of a court room, we can see the rapport between them, but we set them up on opposite sides from the beginning. We move from there to Andy at the hospital, receiving his transfusions, looking across the way to a man whose karposi’s sarcoma has advanced to the end stages a look to where Andy himself will end in this film. And then to Andy’s law office where there is physical touch, after physical touch, after physical touch. Some that happen so quickly, others that linger, that the camera focuses in on, and I only wish that we’d seen Andy the day after that meeting, because I would be curious to see if and how the physical touches changed with people in the office. 
But that’s not what we get, and we don’t really need it because what is truly important is that Andy is sicker than he originally let on. The point is that the law firm set Andy up while he was away. The point is that at so many stages in this film I was mad. And that was how I was supposed to be. I was mad at all the homophobic pieces of shit that were sitting there making excuses, that based a significant portion of their legal argument about not discriminating against Andy because he was gay with HIV, by trying to discredit Andy’s character because he was gay. [and of course the law office used a woman as their representation and had a Black man at their table as well…you know they were really trying to look good]
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You might know by now that I love a complicated relationship, so I was really thrilled that Joe eventually decided to represent Andy. Because Joe was homophobic as fuck, and he very much did not want to take the case. But again this film is smart, we never have to hear from Joe’s mouth or anyone’s for that matter that Joe decided to work with Andy after seeing how he was being treated by the librarian, but we know there’s no way it isn’t informed by experiences of racism in Black communities. The way Joe was stared at by a library worker when he was sitting at his table, the way Andy was stared at by a library worker when he was sitting at his table. The way Andy was being suggestively ushered away to somewhere out of view to other library patrons. 
I loved that Joe was viciously homophobic because it demonstrates so well the boundary between work and personal life. Joe is able to do his job and do it well, and eventually after months of working with Andy, is able to come around, even touching Andy’s face which we know even has a lesion on it, by the end of the film. That is huge from someone that started the film literally running immediately to the doctor to make sure he didn’t have AIDS from shaking Andy’s hand. From a modern lens I can totally see how that would probably feel stereotypical or derivative or something like that but I think it is important to keep in mind that this film was one of the first Hollywood movies to feature HIV/AIDS and also portray gay people in a positive light. I haven’t actually been adding the for/by/about designations to the Heartbreak Alley films because something about doing that didn’t really sit right to me when we’re discussing the violence to and death of queer people. But this film definitely was not made for queer people, and Tom Hanks acknowledges that he was cast in the role for his “non-intimidating screen persona” and that “one of the reasons people weren’t afraid of this movie was because I was playing a gay man.” 
The casting here was strategic to further assist audiences in sympathizing with a gay, HIV positive character. 
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I really love all the little moments of solidarity, the smiles between the Black secretary at the law office and Joe because They Know™ about experiences of discrimination in the workplace. The solidarity between the secretary with AIDS and Andy. I loved that a Black woman was teaching Andy how to apply make up to cover his lesions. I loved that Andy’s entire family knew that he was gay, knew he had AIDS, knew he had a partner and that they all loved and accepted him, and that he had so many people in his life that truly, well, and deeply cared for him. 
And I love how that is used to deliver maximum emotional impact, at least to me, in one single stupid opera line. 
I genuinely enjoyed essentially sitting in a court room for two hours watching Joe strategize, and execute his traps for the jury to win them over. I love how you know that they have won the second that a juror repeats verbatim a line Joe had said repeatedly throughout the trial. I am grateful the film was kind enough to let Andy be awake and alert enough to know that they had won. That his one of his last acts on earth was getting to engage with the part of law he loved most: “that every once in awhile, not often, but occasionally, you get to play a part in justice being done” Justice was done here, Joe and Andy both played a role in what could potentially become another precedented case in the roster to build towards a stronger future for gay people in the workplace. I think that (though likely coupled with how much his body was beginning to fail) is what finally made him ready to go. Because for so much of this film he would hesitate when it came to death. 
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He froze over the line “the actual physical [death]” when quoting the line about AIDS causing a social death. He talked about planning his memorial to try to get a reaction out of Miguel, and when Miguel gave him a response he very much did not want to hear “maybe you should” he took Miguel to a party, he talked about opera instead of practicing his Q&A. 
I am grateful the film ends at his memorial, not just for the memories, though I am especially glad it ends on a video of Andy as a child (to appeal to the ‘he was somebody’s kid type of crowd) but that the memorial was not entirely gloomy. There was life, there was conversation, there were smiles, it made things feel more real. Just like all “see you tomorrow” lies everyone knew they were telling themselves felt real. 
Tom Hanks and Denzel Washington are such powerhouses of actors and I am so so grateful that they did this project together. 
Favorite Scene 
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(I am acknowledging that these gifs by @antoniosbanderas have nothing to do with my listed favorite scene, but I just need you all to know that the scene of these two laying in bed was cut from the final edit of the film, so I didn't actually get to watch it, so now you know it exists if you didn't already)
My favorite scene is when the law firm is questioning Melissa Benedict, a secretary that used to work with one of the lawyers in his previous firm. Melissa was diagnosed with AIDS after a blood transfusion, and she was put on the stand to prove one of the lawyers knew what AIDS lesions looked like and therefore was able to identify that Andy had HIV a week before he was fired. 
I was ready to reach through my screen to smack a bitch when the law firm’s representation started trying to make a moral argument, that Melissa’s AIDS was acceptable AIDS to have in an office because she involuntarily contracted the disease through a medical procedure, whereas Andy had had gay sex and therefore voluntarily risked acquiring HIV. And you can just see Melissa looking over at Andy so often when the law firm is trying to make this argument, and trying to get Melissa to answer questions in a way that would make her seem like she is actually of the law firm’s opinion. 
And she doesn’t let them do that to Andy. Instead she looks right at him and she qualifies her response saying: “But I don’t consider myself any different from anyone else with this disease. I’m not guilty, I’m not innocent, I’m just trying to survive” and it is just a beautiful moment for me. Especially because this film is trying to portray queer people in a positive light, having a straight, white woman with a disease she had no way of preventing say that she was just like anyone else with AIDS is hugely important to driving that message home. 
Favorite Quote 
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gif by @fran-kubelik
I am so sorry in advance for how long this quote is, and that 90% of it is technically just Andy translating an opera but: 
“‘Look the place that cradled me is burning.’ Do you hear the heartache in her voice? Can you feel it Joe? Now in come the strings and it changes everything. It’s like the music, it fills with a hope. And that’ll change again. Listen. Listen. “I bring sorrow to those who love me” oh oh that single cello. “It was during this sorrow that love came to me.” (sobbing) “A voice filled with harmony. It said, live still. I am life. Heaven is in your eyes. It’s everything around you. It’s the blood and the mud. I am divine! I am oblivion. I am the god that comes down from the heavens to the earth and makes of the earth a heaven. I am love. I am love.” 
The level of emotion, the implication behind each and every line that he translates, the way that those lines spoke to me as a queer person. “Look the place that cradled me is burning” this body, his body is failing; this life, his life is coming to an end. “I bring sorrow to those who love me” we see that with Andy’s mom, with his entire family for that matter, we see how loved he was and know that his death is going to be a devastating blow for a lot of people. “It was during sorrow love came to me” Miguel is there for all of it, through all of it. When he collapses in court, his family is the first to get to him, to try to help him. When he’s in the hospital the entire hallway is flooded with people that love him. Andy breaks at this point in his monologue, choking out the line “A voice filled with harmony. It said, live still. I am life. Heaven is in your eyes. It’s everything around you. It’s the blood and the mud.” I do not think Andy was ready to go until the very end when he finally said he was. Live still. Andy wants to live still. I am life. Heaven is in your eyes. It’s everything around you. It’s the blood and the mud. He will see Heaven soon, he is looking at the world through the lens of a dying man. “I am the god that comes down from the heavens to the earth and makes of the earth a heaven” We have one life to live, we should use it well, Andy has so much love in his life, that’s truly such a heavenly thing to have. He is seeking justice, in such a way that others might be protected the way he wasn’t. “I am love. I am love.” 
I just. 
I don’t know y’all I just really liked this film. 
Score 
9.5/10
I’m salty that Denzel wasn’t nominated for an Oscar, though I am wholly unsurprised, and I am glad Tom Hanks won and that his speech included praise of Denzel. 
““And an actor who put his film image at risk and shown because of his integrity, Mr. Denzel Washington who I very much share this with”
Lovely film, highly recommend.  Now on to The Living End
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liesyousoldme · 3 days ago
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look, to begin with, we all know i’m not fully in the 911 fandom anymore, but i still watch the show and i still follow the majority of my mutuals who ARE in the fandom. we all know i was an eddie girl first and foremost and a huge buddie shipper. my mutuals consist of buddies AND bucktommys and ive never had any problem with anyone choosing either side. most of yall know i personally still lean toward buddie while finding bucktommy cute (bc multishipping IS A THING but that’s a whole nother rant)
however!
i’ve been seeing a lot of shit lately that is fully crossing a line, and unfortunately i am seeing it from buddie shippers. i haven’t seen it from any buddie shippers that i follow so that’s a relief, but i AM seeing the abuse my bucktommy friends are getting. just yesterday someone accused my friend of faking cancer bc she’s a bucktommy. the amount of homophobia i see toward tommy is, quite frankly, insane, from a fandom of such a queer positive show. i just reblogged a post with completely unhinged takes that imply gay sex is only okay if it’s a slow burn relationship. THATS HOMOPHOBIC.
i want to take a second to explicitly say i do not fuck with these people, i do not fuck with those opinions, and i do not fuck with people who do!
so if you’re a mutual buddie shipper who is holding these shitty opinions about tommy or who think it’s ok to harass bucktommys for daring to ship something different, then i think it’s time we go our separate ways.
and this is not me ‘choosing’ bucktommy or picking one side or the other. if you can show me abuse from bucktommys toward buddies or homophobic behavior from them then they’d get the same kick out the door.
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