#i'm back on my essay-writing bullshit

[on-wednesdays-we-eat-the-rich]

So I'm having thoughts about LOTR. Specifically the ending. And the fanfiction that rewrites the ending. Bear with me.

So we all know that LOTR ends with Frodo leaving Middle Earth and going to the Undying Lands, right. And we all know that he does this because all the events of the story have had such an impact on him that they've left him quite traumatised and not really able to live life the way he used to. And we can probably all guess that this is a reflection of how Tolkien may have thought about his trauma after fighting in the First World War.

The ending makes sense considering the time the book was written, because in the 1940's and 50's, people didn't know as much about mental health and disability as they do now, and there weren't as many ways to help people manage disabilities other than institutionalising them or like. Giving them cocaine or something idk. So it's reasonable to assume that because Tolkien didn't see many ways that people could live with disabilities and be happy, he couldn't write them into LOTR and instead basically just put Frodo in Middle Earth's equivalent of Heaven and said "there you go, you're all better now".

I like this as a sort of tragic ending. I mean, you can't deny that someone being so drastically changed by an experience means they can't enjoy the things they grew up with is pretty tragic. The ending does make sense. But I kind of hate it.

I don't think it was written badly or anything, and I'm not trying to dismiss Tolkien's experiences that influenced this ending. My issue with it is that, when you look at it through a modern lens, it has vaguely ableist connotations. Specifically the idea that disabled people (Frodo) can't live full lives and be happy in the real world (Middle Earth) and can therefore only be happy when they're "cured" or when they die and go to Heaven (the Undying Lands).

Now obviously LOTR is an old book and it's important to consider the time it was created when analysing it, as you would do with any other piece of classic literature. A lot of old books have some outdated language and concepts in them, simply because that was normal back then. And until very recently, we probably wouldn't have thought the ending of LOTR was in any way problematic. And it might not have been, because it's not really the fact that Tolkien wrote that ending that's an issue; it's the fact that the way the world worked back then made it near impossible to even think about any other ending.

Since the book was written, though, there have been a lot of advancements in science and research into disabilities, and there are now much more effective ways to treat and manage them. There's medication and therapy for physical and mental issues, and there are lots of accommodations that we can and should put in place to make life easier for everyone. Back in the 1940's, Tolkien wouldn't have had these things, and therefore didn't consider them to be options when writing about what happens to Frodo at the end of the story. But now, we do have them, and it's this progress that has discredited the idea that disabled people can't be happy in the real world, and subsequently made LOTR's ending seem outdated by today's standards.

Now this is where the fanfiction comes in.

LOTR readers these days, who are aware of the progress we've made as a society and the new ways people view and treat minorities, often write fanfiction that puts things into Tolkien's universe that wouldn't have otherwise been there because of when the books were written, from openly queer characters to characters living good, happy lives with disabilities. And I think this is a good thing and it's really nice to see, especially in regards to Frodo's disability. I like seeing people work out how he might accommodate himself in the world of Middle Earth, and how the other characters would help him with that. I like that sometimes people have to get creative when figuring out how he would cope with trauma and chronic pain, because obviously Middle Earth doesn't have a lot of the things we have in the real world.

I like that we can finally give Frodo a chance to recover in a more realistic way than just sending him to the afterlife. I like that we can finally allow him to live.

A lot of Tolkien purists complain about new adaptations and fanfiction because "it's not what Tolkien wrote so he wouldn't like it". First of all, why do we still care about the opinions of a man who's been dead for over fifty years? What are you going to do, summon his ghost to haunt all the fanfic writers? Hold a seance to find out exactly what he thinks? Good luck with that.

Second of all, I honestly believe this is something he would approve of. He went on living after the First World War, but he didn't get to live with the disability accommodations we have today. And because he didn't, neither did Frodo. We can't give Tolkien the life many disabled people have now, but we can give it to his tragic hero. We can make his story a little less tragic. And if Tolkien was here now, of all the tropes we're using in LOTR fanfiction, it wouldn't surprise me if "Frodo stays in the Shire" is one he could get behind.

[julictcapulet]

kind of sick of seeing posts that are like “hey this very broad topic has often been condensed into these easily marketable and often simplified talking points that get regurgitated around the internet and you might be missing out on some pretty cool concepts if you dug a little deeper” and the replies are just blatantly anti-intellectual nonsense like “yea well have you considered i LIKE this easily marketable and simplified talking point and you pointing out anything else is actually an insult to everyone else who does?” like girl—

[fatechica]

“FROM MIKE. FROM MIKE. FROM MIKE. FROM MIKE. FROM FROM FROM.” millie always kills it, but damn she really had me in that scene

God she read him FOR FILTH with that. Like girl had receipts and didn't even hesitate! And honestly good for her!! She has a point - Mike claims that he loves her, but he's never! said! it! to! her!

And I get it - saying "I love you" to someone is scary even when you love someone and they know how you feel. It's a very vulnerable thing to say also even when you know the other person feels the same way (I know this is a thing because this is something I worked through when my husband and I were dating - I knew he loved me but I was scared of saying it. What if I was wrong or it didn't turn out fine in the end? Not rational, given how everything turned out, but when are emotions rational?)

And let's not forget that Mike has a lot of trauma surrounding El, about her getting taken away from him just when he thinks everything is going to be fine. I wouldn't be surprised he's convinced that if he finally actually tells her, everything will go to shit immediately after. Is this rational? No, but again, emotions aren't rational!

I also think there's an element of him needing to explain to her why he hasn't told her and that he's scared of telling her that he was scared to tell her because, look, he thinks of her as a hero and a hero deserves to be with someone who isn't a coward and if he tells her he was scared, he's admitting that he's not brave like she is.

But El has a point here. She's already told him she loves him - she wasn't afraid to say it - and she's heard him say it, so it's not unreasonable to expect that he should be able to actually say it to her. She's just asking him to meet her halfway and that's totally fair. Relationships take work and working together to build and maintain.

So there's a lot of complicated emotions in all of this and both sides are totally understandable. El is justifiably mad that Mike hasn't said "I love you". And Mike's fears are also valid. But I love that they're getting this out in the open! I think this scene is definitely my favorite of S4 because it's just so relatable and it reflects a level of maturity that they can start to talk about this (even if they couldn't finish their conversation) without it devolving into teenage drama.

Because this isn't teenage drama - this is adult drama. This is the kind of thing real life couples deal with all the time. So I love that they're getting this arc; it shows me that the Duffers likely think Mike and El are in this for the long haul. Could they decide in Vol 2 that they don't want to be together because it's too hard? Yeah, but I don't think they're going to. Mike and El have shown that they're loyal to each other and that they care for each other so much. I don't see them throwing it away.

(also, anon, yes Millie KILLED IT in that scene. Holy shit just give this girl an Emmy please. She deserves it.)

[roundaboutnow]

whats the point of writing an essay if the teacher tells me exactly what to write in every paragraph

[tinseldo]

gettin back to my roots of drawing cute clothes

[machiroads]

Don't look, i'm about to overthink this panel

Long post under the cut.

Notwithstanding that I can't figure out what's going on with Aizawa's legs here because he's twisted around or something—it's a good panel. Look at them, they're adorable. 11/10 no notes.

Actually that's not true I have so many notes.

Will someone also please get this man a blanket for god's sake

I'm going to unpack the implications here from two perspectives: Aizawa telling Eri he got hit by a truck, and Eri trying (and failing) to save Aizawa.

Tis But A Flesh Wound

Aizawa tells Eri he got hit by a truck, and a common interpretation I've seen of this is that nobody told her what happened to him. I don't necessarily think this is true, because:

A) She rewound Mirio the day before the raid

B) She was watching the fight on TV with All Might.

Canonically, she is at least tangentially aware of what happened. Aizawa also knows that she's at least somewhat aware of what happened, vis-a-vis excerpt A.

I've also seen the interpretation that Aizawa is trying to obfuscate the truth about his injuries from her (presumably because the quirk-deleting bullets were created from her blood), but again, she was watching the fight on TV.

The most rational (hah) explanation is that he's just back on his bullshit, lying to children for his own amusement.

which is. hysterical.

Anyways, onto item 2!

The Deus Ex Machina

As we saw above, Eri rewound Mirio the day before the raid. I am not a scholar of the BNHA timeline, but I did do some research while I was writing Nine Lives. My understanding is as follows:

The Shie Hassaikai raid is sometime in September

The Jaku raid is at the end of March

Mirio corroborates these two points when he arrives at Jaku, noting that he's been out of the game for about 6 months

Post-Jaku is where the timeline gets weird.

Tartarus is breached the night of the raid on Jaku and Gunga

Midoriya is brought back to UA about a month after that

The Star & Stripe fight happens the day after that

The day after that, All Might reveals they have at least a week to prepare for the final battle. Aoyama is revealed to be the traitor on the same day.

In summary, the final battle happens somewhere in the ballpark of a month and a half to two months after Jaku / Gunga.

With the timeline sort of squared away, let's move on to the interpretation I've seen some readers make, which is that Eri didn't have enough energy to rewind Aizawa. The translation of Ectoplasm's dialogue has varied between the original leaks, the fan scanlation, and the official release, leading to some ambiguity of interpretation here, but there are a few different reasons that this doesn't make any sense:

Based on the timeline outlined above, where Eri successfully sends Mirio back 6 months on the day before the raid, it doesn't really make sense that 0 to 2 months later, she couldn't hypothetically rewind Aizawa by 0 to 2 months after he loses his leg and eye. Eri's power is wishy washy at best, but this seems like it's entirely within the realm of plausibility if Aizawa wanted to be rewound.

From a storytelling standpoint, what's the point of rewinding Aizawa to de-nerf him for the final battle if him and Monoma are ultimately removed from the fight via Sad Man's Parade anyway?

My interpretation is that this doesn't actually have anything to do with Eri trying and failing to rewind Aizawa, but rather she's trying to go rescue Midoriya and help him the same way that she did during the Shie Hassaikai raid.

The inference Ectoplasm is making is that it's too late for that, because she's at home watching the fight on TV rather than already being on the battlefield. This was also the case at Jaku, where she was canonically watching the fight on TV with All Might. She must have seen Aizawa go down and wanted to go save him, but it was already too late for her to try to help.

There's an entire separate essay worth of discussion on why Aizawa continues to live with one leg and one eye (both from a canon and a meta perspective), but I won't get into that here.

In conclusion:

This panel is fucking adorable

Aizawa continues to lie to children for fun and profit

Eri is baby and is physically perfectly capable of controlling her power at this juncture, she's just geographically removed from the action because she's like seven years old

Thanks for coming to my TED Talk

[vaspider]

Pete Buttigieg is not the fucking point.

Truly amazed at the people whose big takeaway from that thread is "you hate Pete Buttigieg" like buddy did you not... read... all of it?

I genuinely don't give a shit about Pete himself. If you think this is about Democratic self-devouring or whatever the fuck, please mentally substitute Ellen or George Takei or Rachel Maddow or your favorite Other Respectable Gay. I hear some dude named Rubin is even a conservative who is getting turned on for adopting a baby? I don't know who he is and I don't care (do not tell me, I do not care) but if it makes you feel better, substitute any of those names.

I think the ones that actually make me sad are the people who keep insisting that 70% of people support gay marriage, and that I'm just 'acting out my trauma', and we won't see things turn against us, we're perfectly safe now, how dare I say that cishets won't put themselves out for us when it counts, it's different now.

Honey, 99% of people want tomorrow to go on pretty much like today, and what they'll support when it doesn't cost them anything has nothing to do with what they'll support when it does. Those of us telling you 'we were abandoned before, and we were the ones who took care of us then' aren't telling you because we're incorrigibly bitter misanthropes. I am annoyingly hopeful, actually, and in love with humanity and the beauty of life. Seriously, I have to write poems about it because I love the universe and all of humanity so fucking much. One of the things I love about humanity is its fragility and its uncertainty. I love the ways in which we fail.

And humans, over and over again, turn our eyes away from tragedy.

If you are lucky enough to have cishet friends and family who will put themselves out for you when it really matters, that is fucking fantastic. That's not nearly universal, and I'm afraid that you're going to find out sooner rather than later that it's far less universal for you than you'd like to believe.

At the end of the day, you can believe me or not about all of this. You can say that I'm just a bitter old transfag, an angry old dyke, a traumatized old queer if it lets you sleep better at night, if it allows you to just close your eyes and say 'this is all going to be fine, because 70% of people support marriage equality!' and get some rest. I can't make you pay attention.

And the thing is? I'd love to be wrong. I would absolutely love for every cishet who has ever said "one of them" or said "well, I mean, I just don't want to see it, they can do whatever they want in private" or whatever to turn out to be the raddest fucking ally the world has ever seen. I know it can happen! My in-laws went from being Baptist homophobes to getting weekly chatty update phone calls from the two trans women refugees from Latin America who they housed and helped get their papers sorted and who are now living in New York and call them Mom and Dad. Like, truly, it can fucking happen!

But you can't count on that from the vast majority of people, because when it comes down to it, most people want tomorrow to go on pretty much like today. You're much more likely to be able to count on someone with a dog in the hunt.

More than that, though, the point of that essay -- which, when people miss it, they miss it so hard that it feels deliberate, honestly -- is that all of our bullshit infighting doesn't mean dick. I've been saying that for years, begging people to think inclusively about our community, begging people to stop all the bullshit infighting because I could see this shit fucking coming, you didn't need to be Cassandra to see it coming but sometimes I felt like I was screaming until my throat was horse, the fucking tsunami is coming, it's coming, motherfuckers, can't you see the way the water is pulling back?

And here we are, and all the arguing about whether bi lesbians are "valid" doesn't matter, and everyone's attempt to gatekeep butch and femme doesn't matter, and everyone's arguments about whether neopronouns are bad doesn't fucking matter because we are all just fags, dykes and trannies to them, they do not care for one fucking second about any of this. None of them care for one second about our infighting. No one is going to stop and ask you what your orientation is so they can call you the right slur when they're gaybashing you, kids. They. Don't. Care.

So now here we are, and people are acting like the point of the essay is that I wanted to call one particular dude a fag, rather than that it doesn't matter how perfectly primed you are to fit into Respectable WASP Society, it is your queerness which is objectionable. It is your gayness. It is your transness. It is your bisexuality, your asexuality, your lesbianism. You will never be granted rights and respectability. You have to defend your rights, and stop giving a shit about respectability as a metric of whether or not someone deserves them.

I mean, for fuck's sake, some Iowa voters tried to withdraw their caucus support once they realized that Pete was gay. It literally fucking happened. There's video. Someone they supported above all the other candidates in the Iowa primary was immediately disqualified for them to the point where they tried to retract their support the minute they found out he was gay.

That's the fucking point. I don't care who you use as your Proxy Respectable Gay.

Pete Buttigieg is not the fucking point.

[queenklu]

Seeing AI discourse about writing college papers reminded me of the time I got Called In To A Professor's Office over a paper I wrote that he thought was plagiarized.

See, the thing I had realized about myself by that point was that I am...VERY BAD....at reading the assigned books. I have every intention of doing so while in class, but the instant I'm out of class the book no longer exists (what adhd). So by the end of the year I would always wind up getting screwed over in the book buy-back with books I'd literally never cracked the spine on, because it turned out speed-reading sparknotes could get me through class discussion and I'd developed a System(TM) for panic-writing an essay the night before.

This system was: find an online pdf of the book. Skim. Read summaries. Pull quotes from pdf. Bullshit. Estimate the page number for any citations because no one actually checks those, and use the publication data from the syllabus for the works cited. This works Very Well if you are, like me, a sarcastic asshole who knows teachers want to read an entertaining essay instead of yet another regurgitation of whatever sounds academically "best."

So here's this history class, which actually turns out to be an english class in disguise, and we are told to read and write an essay on The First Autobiography Ever Written in the English Language, which just so happens to be about a lady who had FOURTEEN kids, suffered a psychotic break, and spent the rest of her life campaigning to become a saint.

It's called The Book of Margery Kempe. I cannot express to you how smug I am to find a pdf of the exact same copy we'd been told to buy, down to the same publishing house and year of publication. I won't even have to bullshit page numbers.

...It's written in Middle English.

Here begynnyth a schort tretys and a comfortabyl for synful wrecchys, wherin thei may have gret solas and comfort to hem and undyrstondyn the hy and unspecabyl mercy of ower sovereyn Savyowr Cryst Jhesu, whos name be worschepd and magnyfyed wythowten ende, that now in ower days to us unworthy deyneth to exercysen hys nobeley and hys goodnesse....

This is fine, College!me thinks. A little tedious, but clearly the entire class has successfully done the reading enough to talk about it, so it must be doable. They probably had discussions about the language and I forgot to pay attention.

So I write the essay, pulling quotes from this middle english pdf that I can only half read, but that I can certainly form opinions about. Is it my best essay? No. Is it snarky? Yes. Is it in MLA format? That's mostly what they'll be checking for.

Then the Professor pulls me aside after class and asks to speak with me in his office. I have another class that I have to go to, and because I'm commuting in to college I won't be back on campus until two days later; he says that's fine, and all of this is settled and we've parted ways before it hits me how fucking fucked I am.

It must be the book.

He's going to call me out on not buying the book.

Can he tell I didn't read the book?

Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.

And I have two days to stew in it.

By the time our meeting rolls around I am a Mess. He is going to fail me. I am going to die. If I open my mouth at all I will burst into tears. Perhaps there is the slimmest chance if I act Normal this will be fine??????

P: So I read your essay...

Me: *using my Normal face* ⊙.☉

P: ...and I'm just wondering...

Me: ⊙.☉'

P: ...where you got the quotes?

Me: ⊙.☉'''

P: .....because the version of the book we read....isn't in Middle English.

Me: ⊙.☉??????????

P: I actually thought you might have plagiarized it--

Me: ⊙.☉!!!!!!!

P:--but to be honest it's written so entirely in your style that it's impossible this essay is plagiarized.

Me: ........⊙.☉.....

P: .... Anyway.

P: Just wanted to chat.

P: Uh. You're free to go.

Me:

HERE'S THE LESSONS LEARNED:

Just buy the book Cite the pdf. The professors Do Not Care how you've read the book as long as they can plausibly believe you've read it.

Just read the book Listen. I wasn't going to get anywhere near an ADHD diagnosis until my 30s. And if they can't tell you didn't read the book, then is it really the same as not reading the book? I think Margery would agree you gotta make some shit up to get anywhere in life.

Being a sarcastic asshole in my academic papers saved me from a plagiarism charge.

[bts-trash-blog]

Best Of Us Hidden Moments

A Moment Between Chapter 20 and 21: So You’d Want More

Summary: just little moments that I thought up after posting a chapter or just didn't flow like I wanted to

Pairing: Rap Line X Fem!Chubby Omega!Reader

Warning: A/O/B!Vers, angst, fluff, smut(all the warnings on the main story tbh)

AN: No taglist as of now for this little sub-series of Best Of Us. Wanna mainly focus onto the main story. Will be trying to post this in between chapter in no logical order tbh they're just gonna be tossed out there. 

...._.Next

You were nervous-fingers typing away on an essay that you honestly had no clue on how to write. Yet here you were-winging it- teeth slightly grinding and you swear you were sweating. Yoongi was typing away his eyes casting to the paper files then back to his desk top- after he had asked you out on a date you had instantly fallen into a slightly awkward yet comfortable silence. You had finished what little work Jin had given you- having argued that you could handle more yet the older Alpha shook his head and huffed that you had a paper to write. An economics paper- the dreaded paper one that you only had a title page for and nothing else. The five page paper that was due by the end of the night. You were at this point just bullshitting half of the stuff you were writing and you couldn’t help the anxious laughter as you suddenly dropped your head down into your arms. Groaning.

“Pup?” Yoongi mumbles, making you shake your head as your laughter slightly grows as you move to sit back up as you look at him- his head slightly tilting as his slick back hair slightly moves as he sits back away from his computer. His eyes were moving from you to your computer screen and his smile grew as he watched you pout. “What is it?”

“I hate Economics-and yeah I get it it is very important for this career but still- it feels pointless.” You ramble as he chuckles “And this paper-this paper is literally gonna drive me to jump out your window- I don't understand the topic I was given let alone whatever-that mess I’ve written.” You finished with a huff, eyes closing arms crossing over your chest as you hear him inhale- the sound of his chair rolling right next to yours, his body heat radiating off of him onto you as his arms slid across the back of your chair, the other gripping your laptop and scrolling up.

“Let me see if I can help.” He mumbled making your nod as you unconsciously leaned your head against his shoulder making him tense up slightly-which in turn made you inhale and lift your head. Though his hand lands on your shoulder and slides up your neck making you look over as he smiles at you.

“Sorry I just wasn't ready for that, come back here." he whispered, making you smile as you moved to rest your head back on his shoulder. His hand is still pressing against your neck- his thumb running against your scent gland as he reads through your works-half chuckling at certain parts and then he stops and removes his hand from your neck, sliding it under you and reaching around to the keyboard to delete and retype a sentence. “That was worded horrible-how are you a senior in college.”

“I'm second in my class.”

“If they saw the sentences that would change everything.” He mumbles a teasing tone as you smack his leg making him chuckle as you feel lips press to the top crown of your head. “Also if this is you bullshiting I really want to read a paper of yours actually trying. I can see why you’re top of your class.”

“Second.” You grumbled making him huff as he stopped scrolling and moved his hand to your thigh.

“I know the only reason why you’re second and not first is because you’re an omega-so you to me are top of the class.” His words had your face heating up- your mind going hazy as you let out a soft purr like sound making him chuckle as you pull away and clear your throat, though he doesn't let you get far. “Hey-hey look at me-well hello there baby.” he muttered when seeing how dilated your eyes were-it had you closing your eyes, hands reaching to cover your face but his hands caught your wrist. “Oh no don't hide.” He chuckled his minty breath fanning your face as you felt the tip of his nose against yours as his lips gently brush against yours. “You’re fucking adorable.” he mumbled arms wrapping around you after he had turned your chair towards him. His nose brushed into your hair as you awkwardly bent forward.

“Small.” you whispered, making him chuckle again as he pulls back hand moving to your neck, thumb at the base of your chin as his pointer fingers brushes against your ear. It had you whining as he smiled at you. “Stopppp.” You whine making his laughter grow even more.

“Comeback-then we’ll work on this paper together okay? I’ll be your wall to bounce ideas off of.” nodding you let yourself breath-closing your eyes as you tried to focus on you. The way your clothes move against your skin, your hair was being slightly tugged at by the hair tie-the way his skin burned yours. It had you opening your eyes and blinking rapidly as you huff at the Alpha in front of you-his half gummy smile as his brown eyes stared into you. The feeling of his hand back at the base of your neck-brushing agasing against your scent gland really wasn't helping you ground yourself.

“Stop.” You grumbled, arms moving to push his hand away as he bites a laugh- his head shaking as he dropped his hand from your neck-though the moment his body heat wasn't against yours you felt this overwhelming feeling of sadness-of fear. His eyes widened as your sweet  cookie scent started to burn as he quickly moved back in front of you-hand placing itself right back at the base of your neck, thumb moving across your skin as he pressed his forehead against yours. It had your scent changing- sweetening back up as he chuckles at you.

“Though you knew how to control your drops without an Alpha." His teasing words came after a couple of minutes of the two of you justin sitting there-it had you huffing eyes opening-mind clear as you pushed his hand off of your neck as you stuck your tongue out at him.

“Don’t make me rethink going on that date.”

“Oh no whatever shall I do-” he mumbles sarcastically, making you swat at his arm as he let out a soft chuckle as he grabbed the bottom of your chair moving his legs apart so he could roll you and your chair between them. Squishing your knees in the process. “My little Alpha heart can’t take the thought.” He pauses, eyes locked with yours as his hands resting on your thigh as you let out a shaky breath-his hand sliding up your thigh the feeling of his warm calloused hand against your skin had you shivering. Your inner omega rolling on her back- submitting- yet you fell frozen. “Of you not with me tonight.” He mumbled his fingers drawing shapes as he kept his eyes locked on yours. “Just pains me to my core.” His lips suddenly touch yours, his hand squeezing as you let out the most drawn out whine you’ve ever heard. It had him chuckling as he pulled away.

“Why’d you stop?”

“So you’d want more.” He shrugged, making you huff as he pushed you back to your original spot. Rolling next to you as he smiled at you. “Now let's get this paper finished.”

[cottoncandysprite]

you cameo'd in the new todd in the shadows video

Oop

Yeah. I very recently became a fan of Somerton's "work" (been a super longtime fan of Todd tho so that's kinda wild), literally only subscribed to him last month after casually watching him for about a year. I just watched the YOI video right after rewatching the series a couple weeks ago bc it popped up on my feed bc of algorithms.

What Somerton did makes my blood boil because in recent weeks I actually was really inspired by what I thought was his writing in starting my own media analysis essay (iykyk), only to find out that he stole all of it and the more iffy parts of his essays that I ignored started to connect into a pattern of him just Being a Huge Dick. So yeah, as a writer, an academic, a fan of media analysis, a queer person, and a former fan of his, I'm super fucking pissed.

I don't want to go back to the video to find the full comment bc I don't want to give that jackass more views, but it was me genuinely talking about how much YOI meant to me as a queer teen and I'm kinda upset that I put it under a video that really did not deserve it.

I haven't watched Todd's full video yet (I still have like an hour to go on the hbomb one) but from what I gathered around that timestamp I'm glad Todd used me as an example to prove that shitbag wrong lol. Get his ass Todd

Anyway if you want some recommendations actually good queer video essayists, my favorites are Alexander Avila (formerly AreTheyGay, currently has a similar breadtube style and very cinematic direction while discussing aspects of queer and online culture), Matt Baume (talks a lot about gay film/Hollywood/sitcom history in particular which I find fascinating), Lily Simpson (reviews "trans episodes" of various tv shows) and Kaz Rowe (my current favorite, has a really cool aesthetic and talks about everything from general history and myth debunking with queer/feminist focuses to victorian bullshit to golden age Hollywood history)!

[silverraes]

10 BL Boys I Want Carnally

10 BL Boys That Make Me Feel Things™

(not sexual, not romantic but a secret third thing)

okay so I wasn't exactly tagged in this but I saw several people doing this and I'll take just about any excuse to scream about my favorite characters so I'm just going to very sneakily join in on this trend 👀

there is absolutely no ranking to these bc I couldn't rank them if I wanted to

(also I changed the name a little bc my ace ass is literally physically incapable of wanting anyone carnally but I still have lots of thoughts lmao)

1) Tharn (The Sign)

I mean. is literally anyone surprised that this is where we're starting?

he's the nicest person out there. he can kick your ass if he wants to. he lost his parents at a young age and is absolutely convinced that everyone he loves is doomed to die and he keeps seeing visions of people dying and he's told again and again that those he has wronged in a past life - which he doesn't even remember - are still out to get him and yet he has so much kindness left for the world??

also he can be such a little shit and knows exactly how to tease Phaya back I love him so goddamn much.

(also that mole-)

2) Kim (Kinnporsche)

was he also on my characters I'd hit with my car list? maybe. and what about it.

I love him so much. he's such a badass but he's such a loser. famous singer who falls for a fan he was supposed to be investigating but is too emotionally constipated to admit it. badass son of a mafia family who can kick ass but only if he wants to. who does it like him honestly

(it also helps that he's played by just about the prettiest man alive)

3) Babe (Pit Babe)

did I start watching this show ironically? yes. is every mention of alphas and mpreg and that mama/papa thing hitting me like a brick and causing me 9000 psychic damage every single time? also yes. did I absolutely fall in love with the show and just about every character in it? you bet your fucking ass I did.

but I especially love Babe. he's just so babygirl. special alpha man who has to act tough and strong but just wants to be babied by his dumbass loser (affectionate) alpha boyfriend. like, he's actually so goddamn soft?? I love him.

4) Guy (Bake Me Please)

I think we all knew this was coming. I was literally gushing about him for half of the episodes. Guy my beloved. that show did not deserve you.

he spends the entire show supporting his crush's every decision and trying to make sure he's okay literally how could you not love this man

(yes he was a petty bitch for like 5 minutes there but he immediately apologized for it the next episode. properly. unlike certain other people-)

5) Sprite (Twins)

he's so himbo coded. himbo of all himbos. the himboest. not a brain cell in that head. he's my little dumbass I love him.

he deserves so much better than what he's being put through. someone please just love and support him for who he is. and also take him away from that family

(please talk to your boyfriend tho I am begging)

6) Wei Wuxian (The Untamed)

MY BELOVED. I could write essays about him. he's such a great character I love him so fucking much. if you ever had to bear witness to me talking about him.. I am so sorry.

sassy emo bitch with a flute and a tragic backstory who's seen as evil by just about everyone but only ever had the best intentions. absolute fucking dumbass. kicks ass. always smiling despite the circumstances. loves his siblings so damn much. doomed by the narrative. what more could you possibly ask for

7) Zhou Zishu (Word of Honor)

I'm trying so damn hard to keep this list to one character per show and it really took me a while to decide if I wanted to include him or Wen Kexing but ultimately it was Zhou Zishu for me

just.. god. him. assassin sect leader just trying to retire who keeps getting dragged into the biggest bullshit but doesn't really mind bc the bullshit comes with a mysterious pretty man. also that whole god damn nail thing. I have so many thoughts and feelings about that but this post would get too long if I got started on those-

(also actually pulling the "I'm literally dying" card to get out of chores is so fucking valid of him. more characters should do that)

8) Milk (Choco Milk Shake)

he is quite fucking literally a reincarnated cat, of course I love him. I could list reasons for why I love him but it would be the exact same reasons just about every cat person on earth lists for why they love cats so. but here's a quick summary, just in case:

petty. dramatic. knocks over glasses. silently loves you so fucking much.

9) Tew (My Dear Gangster Oppa)

I really did not expect to love him this much? greenest of green flags (except for the plot line we shall not talk about). can and will kill people and is fine with it (seriously it is so refreshing to see a mafia character not having a huge moral dilemma about being in the mafia). both a badass mafia man and a gamer guy who doesn't know how to talk to people and is absolutely whipped for his gamer bf.

also scars make a person just about 110x more attractive I don't make the rules. even if the scars are weird and yellow, it's the thought that counts.

10) Tian (A Tale of Thousand Stars)

I? love him??

I just love how he sets out to do something for someone he didn't even know because he feels like this person deserves that much at least and how he ends up genuinely loving and caring for those kids and the village and this inner conflict he's having the entire time but hiding oh so well and how he actually calls out his parents on their rich people bs and-

tagging everyone who reads this far and wants to do it. seriously. I mean it. if you want to do this, please go ahead and say I tagged you. I love reading everyone's thoughts.

[that-nerd-who-writes-fanfiction]

I’m back on this bullshit again. I could write essays about this song and different BBC Merlin characters.

But to save a long ass, word count of 20k, rant and character analysis for each character in the show, specifically in relation to Hozier’s music, here’s what lyrics I’d give to each character and who I think they’d say it to or about with little to no explanation.

(I’ll elaborate if asked, a few of these have other characters they could be about, these are just my personal favourites.)

Lancelot or Elyan about Gwen depending if you take it as romantic or platonic - You know the distance never made a difference to me

Merlin about Arthur - I swam a lake of fire, I'd have walked across the floor of any sea //Ignored the vastness between all that can be seen // And all that we believe

Arthur about Merlin - So I thought you were like an angel to me

Lancelot about Merlin - Funny how true colours shine in darkness and in secrecy

Gwen about Morgana - If there were scarlet flags // They washed out in the mind of me

Merlin about S2/3 Morgana - Where a blinding light shone on you every night // And either side of my sleep

Merlin about Arthur - Where you were held frozen like an angel to me

Morgana - It ain't the being alone Sha-la-la // It ain't the empty home, baby Sha-la-la // You know I'm good on my own Sha-la-la

Arthur to Merlin - Sha-la-la, baby, you know it's more the being unknown // So much of the living, love, is the being unknown

Merlin to Arthur in the finale - You called me angel for the first time, my heart leapt from me

Arthur about Merlin in the finale - You smile now, I can see its pieces still stuck in your teeth

Gwen about Arthur in the finale - And what's left of it, I listen to it tick

Gwen about Merlin in the finale - Every tedious beat going unknown as any angel to me

Arthur about Morgana and Merlin - Do you know, I could break beneath the weight // Of the goodness, love, I still carry for you?

Merlin about Arthur - That I'd walk so far just to take // The injury of finally knowing you

Future Merlin - It ain't the being alone Sha-la-la // It ain't the empty home, baby Sha-la-la // You know I'm good on my own Sha-la-la

Merlin to Arthur - Sha-la-la, baby You know it's more the being unknown // And there are some people, love, who are better unknown

[parrotbug]

"can you help me study?" ft. dazai, atsushi, ranpo, & fyodor

dazai

he would actually help you for awhile, he'd be good at schoolwork and would try to figure out what he doesn't already know

if he's really having trouble understanding something (which would rarely, if ever happen), he would still pretend to know what he's talking about to impress you even if he's bullshiting everything

he would flirt the whole time. he would barely even try to hide it

everyone would be looking at you two like 🤨 ehem

you're holding your pencil, working out a problem. dazai leans over and gently wraps his hand on top of yours to stop you writing

"you're so close, but you made a little mistake here. don't worry, i'll guide your hand for you..."

he'd do the thumb rub thing all the way too ♥️

he'd be quiet while you're working, but expect him to play with your hair, lean against you, and play footsie

he would walk you home afterwards if you were out

"call me when the results are out, you'll do so great~"

atsushi

he tries his best

he's honestly so flattered that you even asked him, and you can tell he really appreciates that you wanted his help

he'd be better at helping you with essays, practice flashcards, and memorizing things

all the work everyone pushes on to him paying off

would leave the cutest comments if he edits your essay

"hehe, i remember you telling me about this"

"you can delete this extra space :o"

"this looks really good, ____! :)"

he would be so sweet if you get upset 🥺♥️

"you're so smart, i'll make sure you do great, but let's take a break, um... here! ill show you a picture of the cutest cats i saw earlier...

once you get back to work, he'd walk you through everything veeery slowly, pausing like every 3 seconds to make sure you understand

after you finish, he'd treat you to a pastry and a fun drink :)

after he does, i'm begging you to pleaseee hug him. he would be so happy

ranpo

haha. hahaha

so ranpo is very smart, of course he's an obvious person to ask for help

however, he doesn't necessarily know how to explain how to do things to other people

"just do it! it's not that hard." 🫥

but once he figures out how to articulate his thought process, he'd be pretty good at explaining things

however. he would expect you to give him snacks in return

he would be so fun to slack off with. one minute you're actually working and the next you two are taking selfies and watching youtube

"you'll do fine, i'm helping you!"

*proceeds to play mobile games*

if he does actually help you and you get a good score/raise your grades, he would be so proud oml

just keep praising him about how smart he is and he will always help you study ♥️ or slack off

fyodor

he's always so busy, but would rearrange his schedule to help you

not that he would tell you that

"it's not like i like you 😑 im just not that busy today 😑" ← fyodor lying

he'd have a similar approach to dazai, but with a different execution

unlike dazai, if he doesn't understand something, he'd just say it's stupid and fake 🪦

background noise king, he'd always make sure you have what you need to focus

he would be quite patient with you

he would be skilled at simplifying complex topics so that you can understand them

it's the little things with him

if he sees you working hard and sniffling/shivering, he might wrap his coat around your shoulders 🥺

"you're doing so well. i'm proud of you, Умница."*

*Умница "oomnitsa": little clever one

my first time writing one of these, i hope it was okay! i had to write the whole thing twice because i accidentally deleted it all the first time 🫣 oops

hope you enjoyed! - li ♡

[olderthannetfic]

https://www.tumblr.com/olderthannetfic/740136068340482048/the-funniest-dni-i-ever-encountered-in-all-my-12?source=share

As a House Martell stan, it's been interesting to watch the evolution of that particular corner of the ASOIAF fandom over the years. For a while, because they were less present on the show (and their actual focus on the show was pretty bungled), they were mostly the favorites of superfans who'd read the books and therefore were deeply devoted to the whole ASOIAF universe, and given how much that means memorizing various types of Targaryen incest over the years, were almost never antis. A lot of people were also drawn to that they were the ~sexy, liberated house, as well as there being a fair number of POC who identified with some of the few non-white people in those books who were actually fully-realized characters (in the books, not so much in the show). IME it was usually people who were also shipping a lot of the other popular "problematic" ships in the fandom like Jaime/Cersei and Sansa/Petyr Baelish.

Then, at some point - particularly after the show ended and the fandom shrunk a lot - it got infected with a bunch of people writing long essays about how Daenerys and the entire Targaryen family were inherently "white supremacist" (previously, it had been more common for POC and other fans who focused on anti-racism to stan Daenerys, and point out that what the final season did with her was some white bullshit that tried to conflate killing oppressors like slavers with killing poor downtrodden people) and there ended up being a fandom fight between those people who saw the Targaryens as the more racist house or the Starks, but they all stanned Martells but in a very shallow sort of way just because they were the POC house. It's also worth nothing that Dorne has equal primogeniture - women can inherit, and in the books it's Doran's eldest daughter, Arianne, who is his heir, even though he has two younger sons - and it also is more accepting of LGBTQ+ people and bastards and general "sex outside of marriage" than most of the rest of Westeros, so it attracts a lot of people who are into them for that reason. I mean, I like them for that reason among others, but of course that's going to be a magnet to people who want to prove that they're extra special progressive for stanning them over like, the Lannisters.

Also, probably worth noting, the people in the second group were generally younger. Book-centric fans generally tend to be older IME in ASOIAF fandom. I feel like whenever a fandom is younger, there's more likely to be more anti behavior.

Anyway it was very weird to get back into ASOIAF when I read Fire and Blood and then when House of the Dragon started airing, and feeling like "my corner" of the fandom had become completely unrecognizable in my absence.

Also, I suspect it's probably drawing in some people who just really like Pedro Pascal. (It was better when it was drawing in the Alexander Siddig stans from DS9 fandom, snerk. Although even that fandom has had an obnoxious influx of younger purity-policing virtue-signalling types discovering it these days, writing stupid discourse about how Garak/Garashir is problematic and people should instead ship characters who don't like each other that much and don't interact much one-on-one because the combinations of them are more progressive or something.... sigh! Anyway, probably not helped by the fact that Game of Thrones completely wasted him, even though his character was one of the best ones in the books and a big one that drew me into loving House Martell. He would've been great as book!Doran, but alas....)

I'm also going to say that as others have pointed out, I'll always be mystified by the fact that ASOIAF even HAS antis. If you're that opposed to incest, age-disparate relationships, violence, etc. anything controversial, how can you stan the actual canon of that show? Or the books, which arguably have even more rape and incest and ephebephilia going on. It just seems like you'd have to have a very adversarial relationship with canon to a point that I just don't understand why you don't pick another fandom. Of course, it's probably really just that antis are hypocrites.

--

Hypocrites, yes. But also drawn to material that they're not comfortable being drawn to. The younger they are, the more the cognitive dissonance makes them act out.

I don't condone it, but I do understand it.

[randomnameless]

To continue the woobified view of the Elites and my comparison of them to the Black Eagles :

Same for me regarding the BE, especially because they also literally fought Edelgard's troops in WC when you choose their house, and even if you don't, they definitely still would know that Edelgard dus nasty shits in WC.

The idea that media literacy is dead is quite fitting, because the idea that even rotten persons have loved ones/that having loved ones doesn't mean you're not rotten is a known thing, yet the Eagles and elites get a pass solely because "they genuinely believe in the cause" and "they love and care for each other"

Probably Fraldarius was as devoted to Nemesis as Ingrid to Dimitri, Lamine very well may have been as sassy as Dorothea, perhaps Goneril was as brave and endearing as Caspar, or Maurice was as loyal to his clan's interests as Petra to Brigid's happiness (through a strong bond to the Empire) but like the BE, they are butchers, who relished in the destruction of everything those against them hold dear, lap dogs and rabid curs of someone they definitely know have crushed innocents and scorn the very idea of peace except under their domination.

The only meaningful difference between Edelgard-following BE and the elites is that we can know more about the BE and we are forced to dislike cutting them down even as they refuse to let northern Fódlan alone.

Honestly I need a fanfiction where the BE are called out for that bullshit.

Yep!

That's the tone deaf feeling I got from Nopes, the Deers are hunting someone bcs their leader wants her dead for no reason, but Raph only comments on how hungry he is.

Uh, sure Raph, you're not the most thoughtful character in there, but come on? Some commentary or exposition on what you're doing? Hello KT? Can we have characters be challenged or even react to the events of screen instead of wondering what's for dinner/teatime?

No??

I wouldn't say it's an issue of media litteracy being dead, but more something in the lines of people being more and more "all or nothing" nowadays, without any nuance and conflating liking a character with the idea/image that might project on you : if I like ASOIAF's Cersei, I don't think everything she does is "justified", but modern fandom, I feel like some people would categorize you as a "good" or "bad" person based on the characters you like, and it's just... not what fandom is or was supposed to be imo, I'm here to nerd and gush about favourite characters, not write litteral essays about the Geneva Convention.

Corollary is what, imo, made the Fodlan fandom hell : some people really take "criticism" against a character personally - sure the way FE16 was written invites projection, but at the end of the day, making a Berning Fire Joke is, just, making a joke about a bunch of pixels, nothing more.

Back to the BEs, they can have a sense of camaraderie and genuinely support each other... as they tear apart "people because Supreme Leader told me to" and fight side by side with Bob the Carpented who was turned into Waldi the demonic beast.

Ferdie can skewer Flayn on her father's lance because she is "a creature that has plagued humanity for ages" even if they reached a C support before shit hit the fan - and still protect Mercedes and Bernie from their abusing Fathers. Does that make him a great guy? A nuanced guy?

I think the trope is called "even evil people have loved ones" or something like that?

I don't think so, but he is no random one note villain sycophant either - now, what is the more annoying with the Fodlan games is how this dichotomy is never called upon : everything is just a giant blob or Hresvelg Grey ("morally grey" but only applied to Supreme Leader) where no one really is angry at her, and all the "sacrifices" she's making are off-screen while the characters on-screen always moan about her "ReFoRmS" and "IdEaLs" without talking about the cost bar some milquetoast "but war bad". And no one, in the game, will ever throw this hypocrisy to their face - Gallant Ferdinand will dream about the Opera as he wipes off the blood of a young woman who just wanted to return to the only home she had.

Yay.

FWIW, some mutuals and I have nothing but pure lols about Doro's line in the non-CF routes being "we killed Ferdie professor :'(" because, hey, why should I care more about Ferdie than about random loldier 55 ? Rhea? Felix? Claude? Ignatz?

Maybe the Elites were really friends and became """"nice""" persons with time, to their families and loved ones ?

Does this magically erase what they did before? Will that "good" they did erase all the "wrongs" they have previously done? Will theyr forever escape the consequences of their actions?

In a game that depicts Flamey as a terrorist for 11 chapters only to drop that plot point by the window to moan, again, about her "IdEaLs", "consequences" are maybe something you can eat as a snack, or throw in a trashcan.

So following the rules of this verse, given how Supreme Leader never receives flak for her Flamey stunts, why should the Elites receive any for what they did? Look, Maurice calls Daphnel his friend, surely he is not that bad of a man? Well yeah, he might have seduced women and planted a lot of wild oats here'n'there, but he cares about his friends!

Jeritza likes ice creams and cats! Surely it's more important to paint him as a cat lover than to deal with all the consequences of his stunt as the Death Knight, kidnapping and implied rekting young woman while he was in GM, under Flamey's orders, right?

Calling it now, after eviscerating Seteth's older brother, Goneril might have melted in front of one of Rhea's kittens, and adopted the cat asap. Surely that makes Goneril a "good" character right? And forget the entire "genocided a bunch of hippies living isolated in their village" stuff?

I don't have fanfics recs where the BEs are called hypocrites, but I confess I don't read a lot of fanfics in the FE16 fandom because of all of the aforementioned issues.

[slightlyaggressiveaffirmations]

So, Slightly Aggressive Affirmer, what's your whole deal?

Great question, Clive.

(Sorry, I thought you were some sort of chat show host called Clive. Let me readjust my worldview)

Great question, friends. Why did I write Aggressive Affirmations in a consistently reliable, ritual manner for 5 years and then stop doing it and constantly keep coming back and promising to start again and never making good on it?

Well. There are actually 3 answers to that question.

.

Answer #1

To begin with, let's reposition our worldview - just as we did with Clive. Now, let's change the way we see me, The Slightly Aggressive Affirmer. What if we put a new filter over me - we'll call it the "Autism Filter". I haven't got the money to go through the diagnosis process but it's looking pretty likely.

With that filter on, look again at my being absolutely focused on writing affirmations for 5 years and then stopping to suddenly focus obsessively on my research work for the next 2 or 3 - except for the two months I took off to sit on the porch every single day and write a medieval romance novel.

Now I want to get back into affirming again and I try to - I still feel it's important and I keep saying to myself I'll do it - but I just don't have that obsessive drive to do it anymore.

I think if we look at this with the autism filter, it starts to paint a pretty clear picture of what might be going on here...

.

Answer #2

It became more and more difficult, and more high stakes to write affirmations, as the number of followers kept growing. There are now 15000 - although who knows how many of you are still on Tumblr? But that's a lot of responsibility and it became very stressful to keep making sure SAAs are for everyone and that no one feels excluded by them (excepting people who should always be excluded, like Nazis). When it was just a few random people reading affirmations, it was much easier to chuck in a few and whatever. But the more the blog grew, the greater the stress.

.

Answer #3

I started writing Slightly Aggressive Affirmations for myself. I was the only one following the blog and it was set to send ME reminders of my own value - in the kind of aggressive language necessary to get through to me - because I was extremely low on confidence and needed real force to get it in to my head. But then things snowballed.

Thing is - I don't need them any more. It's harder to think of the kinds of things I should write, because I know longer need them myself. I have Slightly Aggressively Affirmed myself to a really great place, in terms of my self confidence and self love. I still have bipolar, and right now my life isn't going so great, so I get depressed but I do not believe fundamentally, at my core, that I am bullshit trash.

My primary emotion nowadays is possibly worse! I'm driven by anger a lot of the time - I've got a lot of deep rage, caused by long ago trauma. (I'm in therapy, don't worry). But I think most people would agree that I'm a fundamentally different person to who I was pre-pandemic. I'll tell you more about it some time. But I am drastically different - and definitely more than SLIGHTLY aggressive most of the time.

.

In conclusion, I believe affirming used to be an autistic special interest of mine and now it is not - but I'd love to make it one again! Especially now my two-year long, 65 000 word research project is finished. But it's much harder to get back to where I was, because the number of followers I have now is different, Tumblr is different and I am hugely different as a person.

Thankyou for reading this short essay/memoir. I'll see what I can do about a little affirming tomorrow.

Always remember that YOU MATTER!!! YOU ARE IMPORTANT!!! YOU ARE THE ONLY FUCKING YOU IN THE WHOLE DAMN WORLD!!! THINK ABOUT HOW FUCKING MAGICAL THAT IS!!!