#i'm just going to ignore it and hope i don't lose points for submitting a cursed code file

[dravidious]

You're really really neat

I've been practicing the dark magic of computer graphics today! Unfortunately for my hubris I've been struck with the curse of the shadow crystal

[jensettermandu]

-𝙜𝙤𝙤𝙙 𝙜𝙞𝙧𝙡𝙨 𝙜𝙤 𝙩𝙤 𝙝𝙚𝙖𝙫𝙚𝙣, 𝙗𝙖𝙙 𝙜𝙞𝙧𝙡𝙨 𝙜𝙤 𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙮𝙬𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚-

-𝙝𝙚𝙧 𝙙𝙤𝙡𝙡-

1.4

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𝘨!𝘱 𝘫𝘦𝘯𝘯𝘪𝘦 𝘹 𝘧𝘦𝘮𝘢𝘭𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳

content warning; MDNI, morally grey characters, toxic relation/situationships, domestic abuse, violence, substance use/abuse, mentions of weight/toxic beauty standards, dubcon, a lot of smut (spitting, spanking, bondage, choking, rough sex, etc. appears), age gap (legal), mentions of sensitive topics, not made for glorification of toxic relationships.

wc; 16.8k+

a/n; dubcon aka drunk sex and coercion in the following chapter

[Present]

Jennie tried not to care, she tried to just go on and pretend that she didn't care because she knew that she shouldn't. What she had been living for was mindless sex, she had never looked for anything more than to wet her dick and be on with her life. She had done everything, said I love you, I need you, I care for you, I only want you, and no one ever needed to know whether or not it was true. There was no happiness in her life, not lasting happiness, the temporary was always there. It was all gone now though.

She felt useless, she felt like a loser and she blamed it all on the vixen who walked back into the room.

Y/n threw her phone onto the bed and got on it, Jennie was busy on her phone as Y/n crawled over to the older woman.

"Why do you look so angry?" She questioned as there was a small frown on Jennie's eyebrows and she didn't look up from the phone neither did she answer. The younger girl made it over to Jennie's lap and straddled her. Her eyes scanned the woman who was ignoring her. She had always found her attractive, she loved the sex Jennie provided, and she also liked those sweeter sides of her, but aside from that her personality got rotten at times. Y/n wasn't pointing fingers, she knew she was no better if she was cheating. 

It did make her feel better to know that Jennie was just as horrible. Y/n could feel herself fading right into Jennie and the person that she was. It just started to happen.

"Is it about condoms?"

"The marks?"

"Was I too big of a bitch for your fragile ego?"

"Not letting you take a picture?"

"Or because I said that I wasn't going to fuck you more tonight? Could change..."

Jennie sure was good at ignoring her and giving her the cold shoulder. It didn't hurt Y/n, it irritated her because she knew that Jennie then would come out of nowhere and expect everything.

She leaned in, her lips trailing her ear as she grounded down on Jennie's cock that was stirring to life the second the girl had come to her lap. Jennie was waiting for whatever dirty words she would start spewing, but it didn't turn out how she had hoped–

"You're jealous."

It was a conclusion drawn and it sounded bizarre in her mouth, but it was the only thing that seemed to get the older woman's attention as she looked up from her phone and Y/n pulled back.

"I'm jealous? Of who?" She scoffed and Y/n hummed, running her fingers to Jennie's clavicle that was covered by her shirt. She ran her fingers up, trailing her nails along the side of her neck until she reached her jaw.

"Asher."

Y/n winced, that harsh and familiar grip she had become a victim of multiple times now came to her wrist. It happened in bed, but also outside the bed with no intentions for it to be sexual. It didn't feel fair as Jennie was ten times stronger, Y/n was only 4 inches taller, half a head and always felt in need to submit to her when Jennie used all her advantages on her.

"Of what? His girlfriend is cheating on him, why would I be jealous of being cheated on? He doesn't even have a big enough dick for you to feel good. He can't even touch me with a ten-foot pole because I stand so fucking tall before him." She turned off her phone, her tone held a warning to it. Y/n had tested that tone times before, she ended up losing her voice because of how they started to shout at each other.

"By an inch, don't let it get to your head."

"I'm 6.3. Inch and three." She murmured.

Y/n rolled her eyes, Jennie's fingers digging into her waist where she held the girl. It seemed like her most prized thing was her 6.3-inch dick and Y/n never bothered to ask why she was so specific about it. The woman was a true loser. It made it even harder for Y/n to understand why she was staying. Maybe because they had become so alike that she barely saw a difference between them anymore. Neither of them was better than the other. 

"You know, he maybe can't touch you with a ten-foot pole, but that also applies to you when it comes to me because this is all you get and the second I am with him or talk to him you get like this. That's jealousy if I ever saw it."

"Wanna know something?" Jennie asked and licked her lips, looking up at the girl in her lap. Her hand let go of Y/n's waist and she reached up to the collar of her shirt, bunching it up and pulling her closer. The two of them could hear the threads snapping from the movement that stretched the material.

"What?" Y/n's tone wavered as she looked Jennie right in the eye, being a few inches away. Her breathing was now less shallow as the fears Jennie knew how to work on her were coming to light.

"I own you, I own you because your whole relationship depends on what I do to you."

Y/n's jaw clenched at those words, knowing that Jennie had all the proof she needed to ruin her relationship. She was stuck in the middle, in a place where she had to make a choice but couldn't even if she knew that the right thing was to come clean and break up with Asher and leave Jennie too. 

She hadn't been able to come up with a good enough excuse and she was letting it drag out just for that reason even if she knew that there never would be a good enough reason. He was too good for her. It was a conflict she never should have become part of and now she was stuck with Jennie blackmailing her.

No. Y/n never sent her anything with her face in it or with something that would be able to tell that it was her like any part of her bedroom aside from the plain white sheets.

It didn't mean that Jennie didn't do things without her consent.

She should have known better that the woman would at some point record her committing these sinful crimes, that she would catch Y/n in the City of Sins where she was drowning in her lust and selfishness.

Y/n couldn't do anything, not even take legal action because it would all just backfire.

This was Jennie Kim.

Y/n was too scared to break things off even if she didn't want to. All these reasons to leave, but she still couldn't do it, it seemed like she only needed one to stay and it wasn't even the video that forced her into staying. It was Jennie whenever she wasn't an asshole.

She glanced at the phone that was beside them on the bed, Jennie catching it and a smirk plastered itself on her lips at the fact that she did own the girl in her lap. Y/n couldn't leave her unless she wanted Asher to leave too. She would be left all alone if that happened. 

Y/n hated being left and alone.

Jennie clearly remembers the girl saying it herself. 

"I could delete that one video–completely and not leave a trace of it anywhere. That freedom would feel amazing, wouldn't it Y/n?"

In the end, Y/n always got the short end of the stick with Jennie. She was always the one mocked by the end of the night. She was stuck at a point in her life where life wasn't as enjoyable anymore. Jennie had made it hard and she only had herself to blame. It went away though, it went away with the pills and alcohol and she somehow still dragged herself through school.

Y/n's life was crumbling apart because she had cheated and continuously was. It was crumbling apart because she was fading into Jennie and her lifestyle. Slowly it ate her and at some point, there would be nothing left. She would be all that Jennie was, wouldn't she?

"For what?" It was always a bargain as their eyes gazed into each other. Jennie let go of the girl, her numb fingers coming back to life as the woman fixed her shirt. She leaned in and left a peck on her cheek and Y/n closed her eyes as she grabbed hold of Jennie's shoulders who started to kiss down her neck. Her lips were soft, their touch lingered and tingled her skin, feeling how her toxins seeped through her skin to nestle itself deep within Y/n. It had been going on for so long that without those toxins her body didn't feel right. It was so messed up, wasn't it? Despite not thinking about Jennie, all her body could do was go through withdrawals without Jennie around.

"I already have your dignity don't I? How about you break up with him?"

She quickly grabbed hold of Y/n's wrists again as the girl tried to pull away when Jennie's lips wrapped around the skin. "Fucking stop." It meant nothing. This time she sucked hard and the more Y/n tried to pull away the more trapped she got when Jennie moved forward and pinned her down on the bed with her arms pinned beside her head. The squirming did nothing as her chest heaved while Jennie trailed wet kisses all over the thin skin before she bit down at the juncture between her shoulder and neck.

"I didn't hear you say yes, star," Jennie mumbled and slowly pulled away, her eyes looking at the harsh two marks on the girl–at the juncture and pulse point.

"I'm not fucking breaking up with him, asshole." Y/n spat out and looked at Jennie with a scowl. The way her heart was beating felt uneven, it was the effect of Jennie, it was like drugs and Y/n wanted nothing more than to quit. The longer they stared each other in the eye the more she knew she grew attached and addicted though. She hated the way Jennie looked at her, the way she stared into her eyes, all Y/n wanted to do was push her away every time she did. Jennie wasn't allowed that, she had no place in Y/n's home to look at her that way.

Jennie was the one who started it. She was the only one doing it.

"He might enjoy the video of you sucking dick in the bathroom with your eyes all red from how fucked on drugs you were...His sweet little girl is far from the perfect angel she tries to be."

It was one stupid night where she had lost all sense of awareness. Now it felt like everything depended on it.

It wasn't like that—it was exactly like that, but it used to be different. 

She'd smoke weed now and then and took molly on certain occasions such as festivals. She had tried her fair share of everything, but she had never done it in a way that became routine. The same way Jennie became a routine. It was all destroying her life and she had lost the ladder after the fall.

She wasn't the girl Asher had fallen in love with, that person was buried and Y/n had no clue where. She would dig up her corpse if she knew where she died, but the vixen had no clue. It left her with this new star. The one that was far from who she used to be.

"Fuck me." Y/n finally spoke up and Jennie raised her eyebrows at the request, her dick throbbing in response. She just wanted to forget once again and she could when the brunette was pounding her. All those fears and worries went away because there was nothing to worry about when there was no one to judge. What was seemingly meaningless sex was what her life was becoming. "Fuck me however you like, but just do it." 

Jennie had managed to break her down, there was only so much the girl could take when she was in her chokehold. At some point, she would have to beg Jennie to let her breathe. She had almost broken her to the core and Y/n's put-up walls crumbled as it was hard to keep up with her life that was constantly pacing. 

"Where's the limit?"

"I don't have it aside from protection, more hickeys, or questionable bruising."

Jennie didn't like any of those limitations, but she took what she could.

[Summerfest]

"Y/n, stop," Asher said and pulled her away from him as the girl was trying to pull him down to reach his neck as her head reached to his shoulders. Her hands were at the hem of his pants and before she could reach any further down he grabbed hold of her hands. She frowned, confused about why he was pushing her away when she wanted to give him what they had fought about.

"What is it now?" She whined, being held back from touching him in any other way.

"You're high again, you can't be on E every day." He seriously spoke and Y/n rolled her eyes.

"I'm not on E, come on." She reasoned as she wasn't on ecstasy and he frowned.

"What then?"

"Doesn't matter, but I want you." It truly didn't matter as every day was something different, or she was mixing. Anything as long as it pulled her through her days.

He exhaled deeply and held her hands down when they tried to come back up to him. He didn't fail to notice the look of hurt on her face. It was enough to make him feel terrible, but he couldn't do it.

"You know that I'm not comfortable with doing anything like this in public, baby." The older guy didn't get the response he thought he would get from his girlfriend. The understanding that he always got because that was what she was. What he received was a roll of her eyes filled with annoyance as she pulled her hands out of his light grip and leaned back against the stall. Not taking notice of his hurt, her mind was racing with other things.

"Do you not love me anymore? Or am I not fucking hot enough or what the fuck is it, Ash?" Y/n threw the questions at him, growing insecure over her boyfriend not wanting what he had been complaining about. It didn't make sense if everyone else would throw themselves at her–she'd ignore them aside from one person–but he wouldn't. 

"It's not that–"

"Oh my God, then what is it? You are the one pushing me away. I don't understand this distance."

Y/n knew she was being immature, but only she could know that because only she knew that she was cheating and having these fights with her boyfriend. Jennie knew too, but she didn't know what they looked like. The distance between them no longer made any sense when he was the one making it and not her. She didn't want it unless she was the one who needed it. Only Y/n was supposed to put distance and then pull right back. She hated it when someone pushed her away. It made her scared.

Her life was falling to ruins.

She only had herself to thank for it.

"I think we're in a new place in our relationship, one we haven't been to before and it's not a good phase either...I think we should work it out instead of solving it with sex because that's just a temporary solution."

She didn't like those words at all. All in all, she hoped he would break up with her before he found out, but once those moments came her heart picked up and she got anxious. What he had just said was enough to make her anxious because if they stayed in this place in their relationship, he would most likely leave her. She wanted it, but she also didn't want it. How would she live alone? What if Jennie left too? Y/n was supposed to leave her and stay with Ash.

She hated when someone was about to leave or she thought they were going to, it made her self-destruct and do everything in her power to push them away before they could even try to leave.

"No, that's not—it's not like that at all. You are the one making it difficult when it could be easy. I am right here to solve it, Ash."

"You're not Y/n, you're high and you want sex. I already said no. You're not solving it, you're just going to fuel it further this way and I don't want that for us. Let's just talk it all out when we get back home."

"But–"

Y/n tried to argue about it, she didn't want to wait for him to possibly break up with her once they would be back home.

"Please, baby, I love you and only want this to work out the best for us."

It brought her no reassurance. What if he was lying to make her feel better for now to not ruin her week? Why couldn't he just grab the devil's horns and force it to work instead of trying to find a peaceful way in a warzone?

"Just enjoy the week and I am here if you need anything else."

Y/n walked past him, unlocking the stall before leaving through it. It pissed her off, he always let her walk away, he never did anything to make it work right away but gave it time. She didn't need that. She needed much more than that. What she needed was for someone to just take the lead because she lost it when she had it—someone to decide when she was grounded and when she wasn't. She wanted someone to control everything for her because she never had any control.

Her phone buzzed as she walked out of the bathroom, making her take it out from the black purse before she pushed the sunglasses over her eyes. Her heart was pounding, her body was hot and her energy was up tenfold.

It felt like the only people who checked on her, cared about her and asked where she was were her friends, not her boyfriend and then–

10:12 P.M. Where are you?

Jennie always seemed to care. Y/n knew it wasn't right, but at least she had Jennie's attention on her. She at least asked her where she was, with whom and what she was doing. She wasn't stupid, she knew what Jennie was–it was as if she was some possession to the woman. It was better than nothing. It was what the girl needed. It made her feel better for whatever reason even if she tried to make her change this morning deeming her clothes too revealing if she was going with a boyfriend who couldn't protect her. Maybe it was the thought that counted.

She had never needed that type of control, but she had grown used to it because of the woman and felt lost without it. It was hard to make these decisions on her own now. Jennie had her in such a hold that so much depended on her and Y/n had no clue when she gave her that control. She never did, Jennie just took it. 

10:13 P.M. Leaving

10:13 P.M. Could pick you up There's a private after-party if you want to come with me I'd like that

Y/n agreed this time as Jennie had offered for her to come with her multiple times, but she always declined because she was with her friends and Asher. Not this time. She wanted out before she got too deep into that melancholy she had been running away from for the past months. There was no way that Y/n would face it, she would run and run, those burdens would become bigger and at some point, a tsunami of her problems would crash over her. It would destroy everything more than it already was, but there was no way she would face anything willingly.

She was already living with the fact that she was a cheater and unable to leave someone who was no good for her.

"What the fuck is it now?" Was the first thing Jennie asked when the girl got into the car with so much attitude still lacing her that it knocked the air out of Jennie's lungs. Y/n huffed and removed her purse as she turned to Jennie, pushing her sunglasses to the top of her head. It was as if she only came to her because she needed someone to put her in her place and Jennie would gladly do that. If she didn't, she would explode.

"I'm sorry, did I get in the car in a way you didn't like?" That was mocking. Jennie knew that.

She sucked air through her teeth as the car started to move. "I don't need you to have an attitude with me when I've been nothing but nice."

"I'm not having an attitude with you. I am genuinely asking you what the problem would be if I just got into the car, Jen. Want me to get the fuck out and enter again?" Y/n snapped, it was routine with Jennie. It was what their relationship built on and it was what worked even if it wasn't working. Even if it wasn't a relationship. It at times felt almost as time-consuming and attention-grabbing as one. She wasn't Asher in the end, and maybe that was what made it so good. Whatever emotions Y/n already felt, Jennie always made them so much stronger, so anger came easily too.

Jennie inhaled deeply before exhaling through her nose.

"Come here." Her tone wavered as she breathed the words out, and she grabbed hold of the girl's thighs. The two were separated with a divider from her driver. The vixen didn't question anything when Jennie pulled her closer before making her lay down. Y/n raised her knees to have space for her long legs on the seat. 

"What did you take?" She asked with a hum, running her fingers along the girl's cheek who fell a hundred floors of attitude, landing right in Jennie's lap who was on her knees on the car's floor since it was spacious. Not only was it spacious, but the girl was worth going down on her knees for.

"Coke like 20 minutes ago," she mumbled, finding herself melting into the touch that she needed. The care and attention that Jennie provided her even if it was in the worst ways possible when she reached into her back pocket. At least she gave her what she needed. It was what Y/n needed, and what Jennie wanted. She hadn't grown addicted to drugs, she had grown addicted to Jennie who had pulled strings like a puppet master just to have control even if the puppet tried to be its own person at times. It was Jennie's poison she had grown addicted to because whenever she tried anything else there was a possibility of leaving, Jennie didn't let that happen.

"You'd almost think I'm religious." She leaned in and pecked Y/n's lips after showing the cross-coke necklace. "It's pure and better than anything else you've tried before, whether with me or someone else." She mumbled, giving her plump and glossy lips another peck before licking off the taste of vanilla that they left on her. Y/n hummed, the coke she had taken was already wearing off and there was Jennie always having everything she needed at the palm of her hand.

Jennie knew that.

Jennie knew what she was doing, she knew what to do to have Y/n dependent on her. How to have her addicted to her. To always come to her. The older woman knew exactly what she was doing when giving the younger girl things only she could give her, things she would come back for. Who else was there if not Jennie? She was enhancing the best feelings, mixing them and creating a euphoria she could only achieve with Jennie.

It wasn't just drugs.

All her problems with her boyfriends. The vixen found herself open in Jennie's arms each time after she would fuck her well enough. Jennie would coax her into letting it all out, into rambling about her problems, every little complaint about Asher, life, friends, or anything. She knew just how to get it out of Y/n. What she did with that was turn it all around and give her the things she lacked. She gave her everything he couldn't.

It would always be Jennie that way.

She watched as Jennie unscrewed it and put the top on the seat. The bitter taste wasn't good at all as it spread on the tip of her tongue, but it didn't matter as she poured a small amount on it. All that taste washed away the second the drugs started to pump through her veins and Jennie loved every moment of it. If it hadn't been for Y/n they would still hold the first place of her favourite things. Things, she owned Y/n. It was her possession after breaking her down into what she wanted her to be. 

Her doll. 

Her star.

Y/n moaned right into her mouth when Jennie leaned down, pushing her tongue into her mouth and sharing that bitter taste with Y/n who sucked on her tongue. It made Jennie get up more on her knees and push her tongue further into Y/n's warm and slick mouth. The vixen held onto the sides of her neck, nails gently scratching along her skin while her body fell into bliss. Their noses brushed and Jennie with a huff through it turned her head more and made sure Y/n got as much as possible as she let the girl swallow her tongue. The sucking on it was stirring her cock awake.

"Fuck–" Y/n breathed out when the older woman pulled away, making sure to lick up any of the leftover spit on Y/n's plump lips.

Jennie reached for the sunglasses on top of Y/n's head. Her eyes looked into Y/n's blown ones, their hearts slowly picking up, especially Y/n's who had a lower tolerance and the coke Jennie had shoved into her mouth was strong. It was so good, these good feelings were almost the only ones she could associate with Jennie as she always ended up too fucked up to remember the rest. Why would she dwell in the bad when the good was also there? There was no need for balance or in-between because the high highs and low lows sufficed.

"You're so fucking hot." Jennie groaned out, looking at the girl whose chest was heaving and whose eyes were searching for nothing. Her mouth went numb and the euphoria came right back before it had the chance to disappear. Jennie brought her to different types of highs. She loved them all. Only Jennie had been able to bring her to such highs and it made it that much harder to leave. What if she would never get to experience them again if she left Jennie?

Her eyes scanned over what the high girl was wearing as she had already seen her once today in these clothes. She could look at her all day. She usually did as she had followed all of Y/n's socials with her private account. Dressed in calf-high black boots, a black tube top that showed off most of her slim stomach, accentuating her tiny waits more and stopped just where her boobs started with a tight mini skirt of black denim that showed off her long legs. The most coverage was the racer jacket Jennie had forced on her not caring about what she would say to her friends if they asked where she got it from. She wouldn't let her walk out without it unless she was there too. However, looking at the vixen, Jennie was growing hard.

Y/n bit her lower lip as Jennie grabbed hold of the top and pulled it down under her chest, revealing the strapless push-up bra under it. Her chest was still heaving and she watched the powder that Jennie tapped out of the small necklace onto her cleavage. It stuck to her skin which was warm from the drugs and Jennie who wrapped around her like a blanket and kept her safe. These things had turned into her safe space.

"If it weren't for the party I would be fucking you right now." Y/n's hands tangled into Jennie's hair, biting down harder on her lower lip as Jennie snorted it off of her skin, hands firmly gripping onto her waist. It was twisting in Jennie who held back a moan as her cock strained, the stimulation always came to a peak with Y/n and drugs. Her fingers dug into Y/n's waist who pushed her chest more into her face with her grip tight on her hair. Thighs clenched at how it spread over her skin which had become more sensitive to touch because of the coke. It was all warm and comforting.

It made Y/n hum when the warm tongue ran over her skin, licking up any leftover of the powder.

She planted a few kisses over Y/n's chest, gently sucking to not leave marks, and nuzzling her face into the small but perfect breasts. Her hands caressed the skin that was scorching under her touch before she pulled away sniffling as it all travelled down her nose and to the back of her throat. 

It made it feel numb and swollen as she couldn't feel the roof of her mouth. If there was something that Jennie did love, it was drugs, sex, and alcohol together with parties. She wiped her nose, closing the coke cross and putting it back into her back pocket before getting back up and pulling up the light girl and helping her fix the top.

"How is it?" She asked while putting on the sunglasses on Y/n's nose, covering the blown pupils for now just in case while taking her own that were discarded on the seat beside her. She snivelled as she tapped at her nose, wiping it again and clearing her numb throat as her heart was pounding. "Great, just what I needed." It was as if a different person was clinging onto Jennie than the girl who had entered the car. The woman grabbed hold of the sneaky fingers tracing the outline of her cock she decided she would have to tuck in before they arrive.

The party had been held at a private club, restricted for anyone who wasn't invited or a plus one. It was filled with people of Jennie's status, certain celebrities, models, and a few people of Y/n's status of being an anonymous person with a private life. 

What Y/n knew was that whenever she went with Jennie to these things, first of all, the woman made sure she stayed with her, second, the alcohol never seemed to end, third, neither did the drugs, fourth, fourth were the corners, bathrooms and private places she would get dragged to by Jennie and the people she would run into there. 

It was almost sad, but now that she was dragged into it too, she understood why people chose to drown in this rather than swim against the current that life was.

What she could remember after swallowing tequila like water was that she got dragged into a bathroom. By then the vixen was already slurring words and stumbling over her own feet, being guided by Jennie who made sure to let her re-dose on the white powder every 30 to 60 minutes. It was like clockwork, one person left a bathroom and the next came in without any blockades.

The billionaire was in a state that wasn't sober, but she was fine with walking without walking into everything and everyone unless someone held her. The woman was so used to them that she knew how to work around these complications they caused. Their effect wasn't as strong and any higher doses would end with death. She was making sure to take care of Y/n the whole night and she did. She loved how the vixen loved what she loved and didn't hesitate to do these things. It was exactly who she wanted.

She could remember the woman holding Y/n'a nostril closed with the snuff spoon under her other one before taking what she was handed and sniffing it without a second thought. It hadn't been registering in her head either way as she could have been told to sniff poison and she would as her judgement was impaired together with everything else. However, she didn't want anything else than to get lost in the night and get fucked over to a different universe on drugs and alcohol that she had grown even more fond of.

That seemed to be the last straw for her body though as the last thing she could remember after that was how she in the same bathroom got pushed onto her knees with Jennie's zipper flying open. "You're my fucking star, Y/n, fuck, I can make you a star." Those were the last words she could pinpoint she heard somewhere along the way of having Jennie's cock stuffed down her throat while giving her a messy blowjob from the state she had been in.

She simply blacked out at that moment. It left her with a loss of memory from the night aside from the way there in the car, the first few shots, and then being dragged to the bathroom and shoved onto her knees.

That was all she could summarise when she opened her eyes and was in the bed of the hotel room. It was like a time skip because of the gap in her memories. Her world was still spinning, still somewhat under the influence of things only God had the answer to. Her mind dissociated and nothing felt real as she looked around the room with her head pounding and such thirst that it was close to drawing tears. Her body hurt and it usually did because being a messy and destructive drunk came with its cons.

She was naked and only glanced over her shoulder at Jennie who was holding her close, her hot breath fanning the back of her neck as the woman was just as naked. She could tell that they had sex, but she couldn't remember it as she hadn't been conscious, she had been, but not conscious enough to remember. She assumed that she had been asking for it.

She reached for her phone to see it was 3 P.M. and her world was still spinning. It left her extremely confused, having no clue when they got back, how, and what more happened.

"Are you alright?"

Jennie's voice was in a rasp as she mumbled into Y/n's neck, her hands caressing the girl's stomach gently as she snuggled closer to her. Y/n couldn't even care anymore, she couldn't even tell if she was real at the moment or not, let alone would she care about Jennie cuddling her. It was comforting at the moment because it made the anxiety of being dissociated go away. It let her hold on to the reality it felt like she was losing touch with.

"Just thirsty," Y/n mumbled, dropping the phone back onto the mattress where she had texts from her friends and boyfriend. None of them seemed to matter when she was with Jennie as she forgot them.

"I will get you everything in...five minutes."

Y/n hummed at that as she wouldn't have to move to do it herself because she was sure she would throw up if she did.

"When did we get back and did we have sex?"

Jennie lifted her head at that and peeked over Y/n's shoulder, the girl was just staring ahead without anything particular covering her face, she looked impassive. She looked numb and Jennie knew that it was the come down from all the drugs and booze she had consumed. She hadn't stopped her, more so given her more or encouraged her to take more. She enjoyed Y/n both sober and fucked up on drugs and alcohol. It was better with her than when Jennie did these things alone. She knew it was all catching up to Y/n though.

"You're not mad that we did? You were begging and whining for it, I couldn't deny you and it was 5 am when we got back." Jennie replied, worried the girl would get angry. Neither of them had been in a sober state, but Y/n had been way worse. Her palm continued to soothe Y/n's thin stomach, ready to tend to whatever needs she would have during a day that would be a hassle to pull through.

It was enough to let Y/n know that Jennie hadn't even been close to as lost in the substances as she ended up being.

"No, as long as I am not unconscious," Y/n replied as despite it all she trusted Jennie not to take that type of advantage of her. That she wouldn't get on her unless she was asking for it simply because she wouldn't be able to fight back. It wasn't like she would remember if she would be blackout drunk, or maybe she would. She didn't care anymore, she couldn't find the will to care at the moment. Blackout drunk was most likely the same as being unconscious. Jennie couldn't have known if she was or not.

Yn had lost the will to care a while ago, there was a reason why she took drugs and alcohol without caring whether she would overdose at some point or not. The will to live was fading much quicker with each passing day. An overdose sounded like a dream come true. She loved what she had been consumed in, but she also hated it and at times wanted her old life back which Y/n knew she couldn't have back.

She turned to her back and Jennie pushed herself up, propping her head up on her palm as she rested against her elbow. Her eyes looked over Y/n's face before meeting her eyes when she tilted her head up to look at her. Her eyes were glossy from what she had been consuming.

She only hoped that Jennie wouldn't want anything in return for what she had been offering to Y/n. It wasn't like she was leeching or using Jennie, the woman just offered it all to her and dragged her along. Most of the time Y/n didn't even have the time to think or say no. In the same way, she hadn't had another choice but to stay with Jennie and she wasn't spending any money on anything because the older woman insisted on every little expense.

The vixen assumed that giving her her body sufficed. It had always worked as currency.

"I will get you that water," Jennie said and leaned down, kissing her forehead before she moved to get out of the bed, much less hungover and on a less extreme sugar crush than Y/n was on. The woman was already used to it.

[Hours prior, during the night]

The only thing loud for Jennie was her heart as it would always beat so hard, it felt like with each beat it would slowly rip out of her chest. It still felt warm, it squeezed and all that blood ran warm in her body, leaving it clammy, but it was like a fuzzy comfort blanket. She wouldn’t trade these feelings for the world, she wouldn’t give up drugs for the world. They were her world and unless something managed to replace them they would stay forever.

The music outside the restroom was making the door vibrate. These parties could end careers, but she loved showing up to every single one of them. She used to love them even more when she would be fucking girl after girl at them. Now the only girl she would love until she would have her release was in the restroom with her. She wasn’t leaving after either, but that didn’t mean that she loved her. Y/n wasn’t drugs or alcohol, but she still somehow worked on Jennie quite similarly as Jennie had grown addicted to her.

Just like when Jennie wouldn’t be able to take drugs or alcohol for a couple of hours and would think about them until she got them, she would think only about Y/n when she no longer was there.

Aside from that Jennie’s cock had been straining against her pants extra badly now after pulling Y/n to the bathroom. There was something so mesmerising about seeing a girl who used to be everything good, be everything bad just because of Jennie. To see something she made. This was her work of art. She went from moderately corrupted when they first met to severely corrupted and the billionaire loved every second of it.

That was why she couldn’t help herself but shove Y/n down onto her knees in the bathroom they were in.

“Jen–”

“No, no, stay down, Y/n…” She held Y/n down by her head, the girl looking up at her through her lashes with her lower lip jutting out. The marble was cold under her knees and her world was spinning. It was making Jennie that much more eager when Y/n was looking up at her while on her knees. There was something so vulnerable in her when she was on her knees which left the woman in control. 

She let go of her head and her hands started to fumble with her pant buttons and zipper. It tugged the corners of her lips up when Y/n’s fingers hooked at the hem of her pants and she tugged them down just enough. “Show how much you love my cock, doll, show me how much you appreciate it.” Jennie encouraged, wanting the girl to worship her and her cock as she threaded her fingers through Y/n’s hair while she leaned against the counter behind her for balance.

Her chest heaved as Y/n leaned in, her plump lips gently pressing themselves along the outline of her cock. The precum smeared through the white fabric and Jennie hummed, sucking in her bottom lip as Y/n kissed her cock through the material. The white fabric was getting stained by Y/n’s lip gloss, leaving prints of her pinkish lips along them. Her dick was hurting from how much she wanted to be inside her mouth that teased through the boxers.

However, Y/n’s kisses stopped and the girl groaned with her eyes closed and forehead resting against Jennie’s thigh. It made the woman suck air through her teeth and she grabbed hold of Y/n’s hair, bunching it up and pulling her back to see the frown on her face.

“Suck it or I will find someone else to do it and leave you behind for someone else to do whatever they want.” Y/n was in no state to deny her, especially not when she barely knew people at this place and anything could happen to her when she could barely tell left from right. With not much choice left she tried to gather herself and push everything else aside to please Jennie who in the end has been taking care of her even if that had left Y/n barely sitting up.

Jennie pushed her boxer briefs down, taking out her scalding cock while still holding onto Y/n because the girl kept losing balance. Her dick was hard, ready to explode as she had been waiting to at least get it sucked since they were in the car. She stroked down, shivering at her touch and she held it at the base. “Show me your tongue, baby.” She encouraged, biting her lower lip as she used her length and tapped it against the girl’s cheek a few times. It was sending waves of pleasure through her body when she slapped it against her cheek, leaving her precum on it before she moved down further to Y/n’s lips.

Her lips parted when Y/n opened her warm mouth, sticking her slick tongue out. She held onto Jennie’s thigh for balance, her other hand coming up to the woman’s cock as she replaced Jennie’s hand with her own. With a shaky breath, Jennie tightened her grip on Y/n’s hair, her other hand gripped onto the edge of the counter as she swallowed down her numb throat. The girl’s plump lips wrapped around her tip, teasing her slit with her tongue, gathering her precum and swirling around her. It continued as she sucked on the swollen and sensitive tip that was twitching each time she ran her tongue over her slit.

Her throbbing cock got engulfed further into Y/n’s mouth, a moan falling from Jennie’s lips who let her head fall back. It was making her dizzy with the alcohol and drugs, the pleasure being tenfold and better than anything else she’s ever had because Y/n worked her cock so well. She wished she could have her dick shoved in her mouth for hours as the messy slurping and moans from Y/n filled the echoing bathroom. If only Jennie had the whole night, which she did, but not in this bathroom.

“God, I have to lend your mouth, Y/n and you have to take it because we don’t have time.” Jennie sighed and looked down in a haze as her vision was blurring from the way Y/n suckled on her tip. The vixen’s cheek hollowed around her length, and Jennie’s stomach flexed at the feeling and sight. Though Y/n tried to protest as lending her mouth to Jennie meant a sore throat, the woman was much quicker as she already had hold of the girl’s hair.

“So good, your mouth is so good, doll face.” Jennie praised, slowly moving her hips and inching her cock further inside the girl’s mouth who tried her best to breathe. It was quite literally almost impossible as her nose was stuffy from the coke and now she had a cock slowly being shoved down her throat, the pace only picking up. Her eyes were glued to Y/n who was barely keeping hers open, tears spilling down the sides and her spit smearing down her chin. All she did was provide her mouth to the woman, pressing her tongue to the underside of the cock that was hard and throbbing in her mouth, tracing the pulsating vein while giving Jennie the suction she required.

It was followed by the sound of gagging when her dick at last hit the back of her throat, Y/n having no way of opening her throat for her because of how she was fucking her mouth. Her hands gripped Jennie’s thighs for support to not lose her wavering balance and her eyes closed at the spinning. The billionaire hissed, nails dug into her thighs and she pulled her cock out of Y/n’s mouth, the only thing connecting them was the saliva from her red and swollen tip and the girl’s wet lips.

“I need to breathe asshole.” Y/n rasped, eyes on the floor as it was moving under her, the alcohol making it hard to even sit.

“You got to breathe, now warm it again,” Jennie ushered, slapping her wet cock against Y/n’s cheek again, too eager to wait for the girl. She was close and wanted to fuck it right down her throat. It made her bite back a smile when Y/n took her back into her mouth, looking up at her for a split second with her red eyes and blinking them. It was enough to let Jennie know that she could use her however she liked to.

Her hips worked, the girl holding onto her thigh while the other gripped Jennie’s ass which flexed with each thrust. The vixen moaned, opening her throat just for Jennie who almost tumbled at the feeling of her cock being buried in the confines of the tight throat when Y/n loosened it for her. Her hand just then stumbled upon her phone on the counter and seeing that Y/n was too occupied with sucking her dick and being wasted she grabbed it without a second thought.

“God, you’re never leaving, not gonna let you when your mouth works me so well.” She mumbled under her breath, Jennie’s moans breathy and needy for release. “I own you.” Her hand pushed back Y/n’s hair, pulling it away from her face and capturing the girl taking her cock into her mouth like she was made for it, as this wasn’t the old Y/n anymore. Her eyes were red and filled with tears, the only thing keeping her makeup in place was how it was waterproof. The dark-haired girl quickly bobbed her head, slowing down before picking up, and then taking Jennie back into her throat all while her spit was spilling. The motions were making Jennie's thighs tremble.

Jennie couldn’t pinpoint if she ever had seen the girl so fucked up, sucking dick in a bathroom while flying above clouds. She couldn’t even think that far as her mind was going blank from Y/n’s mouth.

“You’re my fucking star, Y/n.”

Her hips stuttered, her member throbbing on Y/n’s tongue who did her best to take Jennie in her mouth. Only stopping for a few seconds every time she reached her pelvis, nose tickling Jennie’s skin when she deep-throated her over and over. Her dick pulsating, her tip twitching when she squeezed it with her throat, having her in a chokehold before she sucked right back to her tip with hollowing cheeks. The motion was repeated until Jennie’s legs would go numb.

The woman knew that her cock was the only one the girl could properly deep throat as she reached her throat, unlike her waste of a boyfriend.

“Fuck, I can make you a star…”

Her lips parted, gasps falling from her mouth as her breathing got heavier. Jennie’s body convulsed into Y/n, her hips pushing themselves as far as they could and the moan was a breathless whimper from how it stole her voice, her body shaking. It filled her vision with white dots and she by some miracle didn’t fall over as her balls tightened, Y/n was able to feel Jennie’s cock grow harder on her tongue–giving her no time to pull away–before cum started to shoot into her mouth. The woman’s hips bucked one last time, emptying every little drop of salty cum into Y/n’s mouth, her shirt sticking to her back from how hot it all got her from the sex to the drugs and everything else in between.

Without thought Jennie pushed the girl away from her and leaned back against the counter, making sure to put her phone away before the coughing girl could question her. Whether or not Y/n was aware wasn’t Jennie’s problem, the woman holding on to not fall over. It made the girl fall back against her palms at the harsh treatment as she felt used for Jennie's pleasure She leaned forward again at what Jennie had done in her mouth, the brunette knowing well what Y/n liked and disliked.

“What’re you doing?” It somehow pissed her off to see the girl spit it all out, her cum splattering with spit against the black marble of the floor. Her hands worked on stuffing her cock back into her boxers and zipping up her pants. It always just stirred something in her when she was under the influence and things weren’t going the way she wanted them to be. Y/n always knew how to stir her on and do whatever she pleased and not what Jennie pleased.

“Do you hear me?” Jennie’s voice was rigid as she was serious and crouched down right in front of Y/n. The girl snivelled and looked up at Jennie with eyes full of tears that had yet to dry and she cupped Y/n’s face with her one hand. “I’ve told you before that when you come to me, you listen to me, Y/n.” She mumbled, her thumb running over Y/n’s lips and gathering whatever was left on them, knowing very well that the girl hated the taste. The words had to be enough to remind the vixen of the consequences and how Jennie could react when she was challenged. 

“I don’t like it, Jen.” Y/n’s voice was a rasp, her head heavy in Jennie’s palm as she held onto her forearm to steady herself and not fall over. The woman knew what the girl was feeling, she had felt it all before when she had just started, and she knew how lost Y/n felt. She knew that if she asked her where she was right now she wouldn’t be able to provide a concrete answer. Jennie was at least there to take care of her, Jennie never had anyone to take care of her. In Jennie’s opinion, Y/n was lucky, but ungrateful by doing this when the woman was there to take care of her when no one else would. She could at least swallow.

“Learn to like it.” She pushed her thumb between the girl’s lips, fingers holding her jaw to make sure she would stay. The vixen winced yet took her thumb into her mouth, cleaning whatever cum was on it despite not being able to stand the taste. “So pretty,” Jennie mumbled and pulled her thumb out of Y/n’s mouth and she swallowed, knowing that it would anger her otherwise. This whole ordeal had been a problem for a while and finally, Jennie was getting Y/n to listen and do as she said. Her lips twitched into a smile at how ruined Y/n was, how she broke her, and now she got to hold her.

“Let’s go.” Jennie huffed and got up on her feet, grabbing hold of Y/n’s hands and with ease pulling her up on her feet. The girl stumbled into Jennie, her body weight being held up by the woman who held her arms wrapped around Y/n’s waist. She let them go down further, grabbing hold of her ass under the skirt with her lips finding Y/n’s neck. Jennie took in the girl’s scent before sucking on the skin that was soft and smooth, squeezing her ass while pulling away. “We have to get back out.” She grumbled and helped Y/n stand on both feet, making sure to fix her hair and wipe away the mess, leaving a peck on her lips to then drag her back out. her toy, her doll.

They left the bathroom perfectly fine, going right back out to the party, occasionally finding the way right back to the restroom for more empty lines of white which they didn't have to know how to read to understand. Despite the blinding lights, the doors to the city were closed and whatever they wanted to do they were trapped right there together which only meant bad news if one pissed off the other. And so it did start because it always did with them both.

It was easy to get lost in everything as things got blinding, Jennie’s eyes felt sensitive and dry the longer she stayed on the couch. It was all a blur and she had spent hours she assumed just on the couch with people surrounding her. It was hard to pinpoint if time went by or not because it felt like it was flying by while she was stuck in the same place. The woman had been so zoned out and busy with someone else that she never realised where Y/n was.

Enough made her forget about everything except for what was right in front of her.

There was a reason why she kept Y/n by her side, especially if she brought her to a party.

Y/n outdid the models.

Y/n dressed in a way that made Jennie’s dick throb and she didn’t mind her dressing that way, but only if she was there to make sure no one else was trying to touch what she wanted to possess.

The vixen’s features, her allure, it was all sex, or maybe that was all Jennie could think. What did that change when they were at a private afterparty where already questionable enough things were happening?

“Listen–” Jennie started, grabbing hold of her manager and pulling the younger one down to speak in her ear. There was a slight wobble in Jennie as things were like a rollercoaster and she had nothing to secure her. It was just a matter of time before she would get completely off the rails. A matter of time until a loop would come and she would get sent flying. “Where is she?” She asked, bunching the material in her fist as she pulled on the woman’s shirt because there was a wave of anger bubbling inside her, crashing against her insides to escape. Things weren’t how she wanted them. She wanted Y/n right beside her, sitting and not running off the leash unless Jennie said so.

The lack of control was like small ants that crawled over her body and she couldn’t shake them off.

“The back I think?” Jennie shoved her away with a huff, putting her hands inside her pockets to not shove anyone else as she walked through what felt like endless bodies that blurred in her peripheral vision. It felt like it was taking too long, the club not coming to an end until it did and she reached the back of it. 

She opened the door to the stairwell that led downstairs of the club and also to the back entrance of it. It was lit by neon purple, making her eyes squint for a second at how bright it was compared to where she had been just now. The powdery scent of the fogger fluid that came from the smoke machines was faint as the stairwell wasn't dim with the smoke either, the scent of aftershave was much stronger when a man passed by her.

All the giggles, talking, and whatnot were like a trigger in her head as she knew that among these people scattered along the stairs was Y/n. Jennie walked down the wide stairs, getting further down. It wasn’t long until her eyes fell on Y/n.

The vixen was sitting on the stairs with a guy towering right over her with a smile on his lips as he stood a few steps below to match her height. Both hands held him up by the railing on each side and the last straw was when he let go with one hand and cupped her face. The vixen tilted her head back without hesitation to make it easier for him to reach down to her when he started to lean down.

Was Y/n the same person that Jennie was? It wasn’t like that was the point when she decided to break her down into parts and put them back together but leaving the ones she didn't want behind. Of course, that ended with an imperfect doll because parts were missing, but those imperfections were what made her perfect in Jennie's eyes-

However, when she did that the point was to make a doll for Jennie to play with, to own, her doll, not one that would learn from her and act just like her. Y/n was supposed to be with her, only see her and not forget everything else the second someone else said hello and she was wasted enough. She wasn’t supposed to forget Jennie when someone else walked up to her. She wasn't supposed to be like a stray, that was only for Jennie.  

Jennie was supposed to be the one seeing other women, especially when Y/n wasn’t with her. It was all somehow turned around because Jennie could barely get hard unless she was blackout drunk and unable to think because then she wasn’t even able to remember her name let alone Y/n’s. Yet the roles were reversed and Jennie was suffering because of it. 

If it hadn’t been for the railing Jennie would be tumbling down the stairs, but her feet quickly let her get to them and she grabbed hold of his shirt. Her only advantage was her money in this case, aside from the fact that she got to be taller when standing further up the stairs. Advantage money, she had guards following after her that he didn’t have.

“What’re you trying to do? Forcing yourself on a wasted girl?” Jennie knew what type of bullshit she was spewing. If she hadn’t been angry and she and Y/n would be away from everyone else she would be ramming her cock inside her. All she needed was a reason for him to leave her. All she needed was for something to validate her anger and start pouncing the guy if he gave her the chance by furthering her anger. She usually went for someone weaker to get her anger out without taking any damage herself. 

“Get the fuck off of me.” He tried to push her away, but Jennie shoved him first, the guy stumbling into the wall and grabbing hold of the railing to not fall down the stairs.

“Don’t fucking touch her again, moron–I will get you kicked out and fucking blacklisted from every single club you see.” She bellowed, two men coming down right behind her and the guy tried to argue when they grabbed him to pull him away before Jennie would get hurt. Her fists clenched and she looked at the girl she stood two steps below. Y/n groaned, her face resting in her palms and Jennie’s nose twitched in anger.

“We’re leaving,” Jennie said and Y/n heaved a sigh, looking up from her hands at the ordr. Her impassive face turned into one that smiled at Jennie as she scoffed a chuckle.

“What’s your actual problem?” Y/n questioned with her tone a rasp, eyes trying to focus on Jennie's face. 

The woman tried to reach for Y/n’s hand, grabbing her wrist that the girl slid right out of her hold before she could tighten in. That pain was always numbing, it bruised her, and the previous bruise had yet to disappear. Jennie’s eyes squinted in anger and she grabbed the railing before leaning closer to Y/n. The girl flinched, this time the grip didn’t come to her wrist, but she grabbed her by her hair, forcing Y/n to look her in the eye, making sure she would do so when her forehead pressed against the vixen's forehead hard enough to make her head throb.

“I said, we’re leaving.” She could hear the tremble in the breath Y/n let out. Jennie wasn’t hurting her, no, she was just making sure that Y/n knew where her place was and that she stayed where she was meant to be. There was no reason for her to reach further than Jennie allowed. What if Y/n would reach further and leave? Her hand came up to Jennie’s wrist who only tightened her grip on the girl’s hair. Y/n was supposed to stay below Jennie who would only give her bits and pieces of freedom to have the girl depending on her unless she wanted to live a cold and empty life.

Those were emotions in Y/n’s glazed eyes, emotions Jennie didn’t care about when hers were winning. Jennie wasn't one to stop because someone was crying or dying. “Get up. It will end worse otherwise.” Her tone wavered, yet it was harsh enough to cut through the skin. It was as if she was spewing shards of glass, cutting right through Y/n’s flawless skin and leaving her to bleed. The woman did everything to scar Y/n's skin because she always left her mark, she always made sure she would be remembered.

Jennie could tell how lost Y/n was, it gave Jennie a free pass. How much would Y/n remember? Jennie could feel that she was the one supporting Y/n from how she was barely sitting up, her weight leaned against Jennie. She was drunk, and high which Jennie was too, but Y/n was a lightweight when it came to tolerance. It was like a free pass to murder someone, but this time to have Y/n at her mercy.

“Let go of me, Jennie.” Yet Y/n wasn’t as tameable as Jennie wanted her to be. She was her doll, but it was a doll that wanted to come to life and be her own person. Y/n fought back, Y/n liked to dig her own grave, Y/n liked the pain, she loved getting hurt, and she was in love with the pain. Jennie gave it all to her. Jennie would continue to feed her the pain she loved so much because Y/n always ran back for more. She had the girl running back to her.

“Get the fuck up, Y/n. We’re fucking leaving or I will fucking throw you down these stairs and drag you to the car.” Jennie had never figured out where that anger came from. Where it got brewed. It was like it tingled through her body, if she didn’t let out these words, she would take it out physically. That was where Y/n was different for her because Jennie didn’t hurt her more than this. That made Jennie a good person in her mind, she was good to Y/n in her opinion. She was good if she went out of her way to not hurt her more physically like she did with everyone else who was much weaker. It always made her feel more powerful.

That anger was always so overwhelming and it was just there.

There was a tremble in Y/n’s jaw, Jennie caught it together with how deeply she inhaled the thick air of the club. Everyone minded their business, walking up and down the stairs, passing them, and leaving them in their world. The one the vixen had been invited to and willingly stepped inside for the gates to get locked behind her. The one she couldn't escape even if she wanted to. It had everything she needed. It had Jennie, it was free of shame, judgement, and pain that was different from the one Jennie caused.

What else was Y/n supposed to do?

She got out of Jennie’s grip because the woman let go of her otherwise she would be stuck. Jennie grabbed her forearm and pulled her up on her feet. There would always be that one person who would be stronger mentally, and physically, and Jennie would always take advantage of that position in her relationship with Y/n who had let her walls down and showed her weaknesses because she trusted Jennie. 

She trusted her.

They made it out of the club, the music was muffled just like their ears. The air cooled down their warm bodies and Jennie was looking for rational reactions. Y/n’s arm slipped right out of her hold once again. A grip that Jennie did not like to lose. She needed it to know she had control.

“Stop fucking playing around Y/n!” Jennie’s voice boomed through the empty back of the club that was only for private guests to come and leave. She turned right around and looked at the girl. The car already waited on them, but neither of them was heading inside until they blew off everything first. At least blow off some of it.

“Stop being on my fucking ass then. Why would you fucking act like that?”

Jennie had so many reasons to do that. If Y/n was acting broken in a way that she didn’t like she would fix her to her desires. Jennie would throw her against the wall, and destroy her, knowing Y/n would lay and wait for her, and Jennie would always go back to fix her after, only to throw her against the wall again, leaving Y/n dependent on being fixed by the only person who knew how to fix her. The person who destroyed her was the one who fixed her. That was why it was worth staying despite the low lows of lying on a cold floor, drowning in tears, but they got wiped away after.

“Why? You come here with me and do what? Why the fuck were you with him!?” Jennie’s voice was a rasp as she raised it even more, coming right back to Y/n as they stood right in front of each other. Her chest was heaving, anger coursing through her veins with everything else she had consumed tonight. These things all together were the worst combination that brought out worse in her than Y/n managed. Y/n only stirred it on and made it worse, making something ugly even uglier.

“I’m going to do what I fucking please to do. What does it matter to you when you are sitting and talking to a bunch of girls either way? They could keep you company, so what do you need me for?” 

It was fine for Jennie to do though, not Y/n. The woman scowled at the comparison as she was supposed to be allowed to do whatever she wanted. Jennie had always done what she pleased. She had money and could get away with so much, being with a bunch of women was the least problematic thing that she enjoyed. It was free too because they always came to her. Jennie wanted everything without needing to give anything back.

“Were you going to cheat on your boyfriend?”

It didn’t matter though, it was better to twist it and bring all the shame on Y/n who was cheating on her boyfriend. Jennie could just redirect all the fire and not have her mistakes pointed out when she could point out Y/n’s beautiful flaws instead. There was no shame though because neither of them cared about the actual boyfriend, but only each other.

She couldn’t help but love those flaws because they were so perfect even if they fueled a fire in her. A fire, it fueled a fire, and it kept Jennie warm so what did it matter if they fought? At least they kept each other warm in a fire that was out of control and destroying everyone on the way. They somehow found beauty in the ugly and flawed. All that burned land only made space for them to start building their own world and make it, however, they wanted it to look, building it off of each other's flaws, sticking it all together even if it didn't go together. It was kintsugi with broken pieces that they made beautiful.

The words seemed to flip something in Y/n.

“I am already cheating on him you crazy fucking bitch!” The girl’s hands came up to her head in disbelief at what Jennie was saying before she dropped them. It was making her jittery too, unable to just stand there and look at Jennie. It was hard to look at Jennie, the woman was aware of it as her flaws were so imperfect it made the eyes hurt, but Y/n at least took off her glasses just for her. She took them off and she ignored all of those flaws because she decided to not see them. What was a flaw if Y/n couldn't see it because she bluntly decided to ignore it?

“Don’t fucking yell at me like that.” Jennie tried to drown out Y/n’s voice, gripping the slim girl's jacket to turn her right back to her when Y/n tried to turn and walk off the anger. The older one looked at the girl who had tears in her eyes from frustration, unable to take out her anger which resulted in tears as she couldn’t result in anger like Jennie would do. Y/n was too scared, Jennie was aware, she was too scared to go that far and always ended up crying in their toxin-filled dynamic. The girl didn't hold back on her tears, she didn't try to hold them back to look strong because she knew that there was no point in trying to hide the truth from someone who already knew it.

“What’re you going to do about it, Jennie? Throw me down what fucking stairs you cunt?” Y/n spat out, her voice thick from the lump in her throat that was getting coated in tears, trying to dig its way out of her throat. She was barely registering what was around her. Her legs were so unstable she was stumbling while standing still, her only support was Jennie, her only support in more ways than one. It was her only safety net.

She couldn’t even remember who exactly it was Jennie was talking about as the most she could remember was what happened five minutes ago and that was Jennie saying she would push her down the stairs. Y/n was just fighting because Jennie was fighting, and she would go on even if she forgot the point because she wasn’t just going to cave.

The two of them could go on for days.

They could butt heads for days even if neither would remember the point.

“Shut the fuck up. It’s not my fault you act like a fucking whore and would fuck just anyone now.” Jennie growled, her fist twisting the material of her jacket that Y/n had on, fists pressing into Y/n’s chest who grabbed hold of her forearms to not lose balance. Her tears only being a mere reflection of her emotions, not being able to tell the actual pain behind them. The thought was irking Jennie further on, she was adding fuel to her own fire now. Those small threads were snapping quicker and quicker and soon enough nothing would hold her back from hurting the girl unless she would somehow talk herself into not doing it.

“You’re acting as if you don’t get your dick sucked by a different girl every day.” Y/n let out in disbelief, her tears falling heavily from her eyes, salty on her flawless skin. They were harsh though, they would stain and hurt her, and they were like cyanide every time Jennie caused them. They only hurt when they were caused by the woman who was able to make her feel so much. 

“That’s fucking different!” She trashed the jacket, yanking Y/n into herself whose nails were digging into the skin of Jennie’s forearms. The pain that was caused was easing the pain she wanted to cause. Her breathing fell ragged and her eyes wide with anger, it was spasming her muscles. It was like a twitch and she would end up doing something she didn’t want to.

“How?” Y/n pressed through the sob as she was breaking into pieces, Jennie continuously throwing her into the wall without giving her a break. Without stopping for a second to let her breathe, to maybe fix something before it would become unfixable.

“Because I don’t want you to see anyone else. Asher is enough even if you should fucking leave him. If you cheat on him, you cheat with me, no one else, no one else touches you except me and me only. I will fucking kill whoever else you let inside you and then fucking kill you too. You hear me!?” She screamed right in her face after pulling her into herself even more. It unclogged Y/n’s eardrums as she could feel Jennie shove her knuckles into her clavicles. Jennie threw out the words from anger as they were the first thing on her mind. Her words vibrated through Y/n's body, burying themselves deep inside her marrow, each little word touching her soul, bruising it.  

Now Jennie couldn’t recognize herself anymore because she never cared. It twisted her stomach in the worst way possible. Those words were not Jennie, not the ones about caring if anyone else touched Y/n. None of this should have bothered her to begin with but it did. It did so badly that she was fighting about something she had never fought about before. These were things she was so unfamiliar with that it scared her and she couldn't predict how she would act the further she stepped into that unfamiliar territory. 

Y/n shoved Jennie away who stumbled, her legs barely keeping her up and she caught herself on the new model of the black Rover that waited on them. The vixen flinched at the sound when Jennie’s fist collided with the door's body, it buckled and she hit it right again after. It let her take out her anger as she gritted her teeth and her fist was going numb when she hit it again. Taking out the anger she felt towards herself for caring when she didn’t want to care. Jennie never did because she was always numb, she was always busy, and she was never in the right state to even consider caring about someone else.

It scared Y/n.

It scared Jennie even more.

It scared Y/n to think that this was the same person she would have to get into the car with. The damage she did to the car. What said that she couldn’t do the same damage to her if she overstepped it? Maybe this was all that Jennie needed to do to have Y/n succumb and obey her.

Jennie yanked the door open with her throbbing hand, not waiting a single second as her hand was trembling and she ran her other hand through her hair. It was making her whole body shake that was clammy, her heart unstable, beating in her head, up her throat, trying to just escape her body and leave the abuse she caused herself and everyone else. It tried to escape from how terrified she was of whatever this was. These things she never cared about, Y/n was ruining her and no one had ever been able to ruin Jennie.

“Get the fuck inside, we’re getting your shit and you can go to your fucking boyfriend. That’s what you want, isn’t it? I will fucking give you what you want and fucking leave you alone.”

Y/n had gotten inside the car, scared not to get in and Jennie had slammed the door closed.

Jennie knew what she was doing.

Whatever control Y/n thought Jennie had lost, she had it all and Y/n would be on her leash as long as she wanted her to be.

The younger girl had stayed silent the whole ride, the fight long forgotten and the only words left she could remember and think about were that Jennie was going to leave her. It was eating at her as every time she glanced at the woman she had looked unbothered and hadn’t spared a single glance towards Y/n.

These things always made the vixen crumble.

She would be left all alone, she would be abandoned.

What if Asher left too? The man was leaving her, she was sure of it after the fight they had. Now Jennie was leaving her too. It was causing unbearable anxiety to Y/n.

Y/n froze.

She tried to work it out in her head when she watched Jennie shove her things into her bag.

Things that always worked;

Her body. 

“Jennie, please.” She pleaded, on the verge of new tears because she would get thrown out. She would be all alone and abandoned without anyone there to hold her or care for her.

The woman stopped and dropped the bag beside her feet while biting her lower lip. Her back turned to Y/n and she could count the seconds. She knew exactly what she was doing because Jennie knew that Y/n would be the one to cave and get on her knees to apologise first if it meant that Jennie would stay.

Five seconds and Y/n was on the older woman.

“I’m sorry.” She mumbled, hand running down to grab hold of Jennie's hand who wouldn’t give in just yet as she wanted to see Y/n break down even more. It was the least the vixen could do after aggravating Jennie more than needed when she had already been pissed. She turned and looked at Y/n who frowned when she wasn’t allowed to touch Jennie, her eyes glossy and fragile. Jennie could see the fears in them because Y/n didn't try to mask them around Jennie, not masking them around the woman who used them all against her. All because her walls had crumbled so easily and she had laid her trust on Jennie.

“What am I going to do with a sorry?” Jennie questioned and undid her pants, walking over to the bed and Y/n followed right after her. Too scared not to follow in case Jennie would truly leave her behind. “I don’t care about your sorry even if you were to be crying on the floor.” She continued, discarding her bottoms on the floor before pulling the shirt over her head and getting into bed. With that, she dismissed Y/n as she turned off the lamp.

“You can see yourself out.”

Y/n had never been treated the way Jennie treated her. She had never been thrown out, denied, rejected, and had her ego crushed this way. This was Y/n, she always got everything she wanted simply because she was pretty. It wasn't only this way, she in general had never been through the treatment Jennie had been giving her ever since she got involved with her. Whatever sex it was, it had turned into a game where they were constantly being dealt bad cards, playing it blindly, with all odds against them from the very start. Yet neither ever folded but kept betting more and more, until it would leave them both with nothing or everything, if not leave one with nothing and the other with everything.

Only time could tell how the game would end.

As if Jennie didn’t know it. She was part of the people who gave in because of the girl’s sex appeal. She figured that if she stomped on it and broke it, the girl would do anything that would favour Jennie in this game of cards and the woman would give in because it would benefit her. That it would give her an upper hand if Y/n showed her a card or two so she would know what to play next.

“Please, I will listen to you, anything, Jen–” Cold hands snuck upon Jennie’s bare body from behind. Y/n’s palms were smooth against her bare stomach, running down to the hem of her lipstick-stained boxers. “I’m sorry’ listen to you like you’re my daddy, promise.” It flipped Jennie’s stomach when the hand pushed into her boxers, Y/n’s lips brushing her ear as her hand wrapped around her hardening cock. The words only stirred Jennie on and on, and maybe it wasn’t as easy to resist Y/n’s sex appeal as she thought it would be.

God, they both somehow had each other wrapped around each other’s pinkies. Trying to play against each other in a game where they were a team. 

“I want you, everything you have to give, I want it. I will be a good girl, you can be my daddy.” Y/n knew just what to give Jennie despite being drunk, to show her where exactly the dynamic was. That Jennie would always have the upper hand and Y/n would always try to rebel because she had always been that way, but she knew how to be good when needed even if it caused big fights before she became that obedient girl that Jennie wanted her to be. 

“I will give you everything.” Jennie groaned out, her cock stiff in Y/n’s hold who was still stroking her, squeezing at her tip, letting the precum run down and smear over her member. The vixen hummed, her lips staining Jennie’s skin with her lip gloss as she kissed along the woman’s shoulder. It made Jennie’s hips buck into her hand, knowing she wouldn’t last Jennie grabbed hold of Y/n’s hand. She didn’t care if Y/n wouldn’t remember it tomorrow. At least she succumbed to Jennie for the moment.

She turned to Y/n as she sat up on the bed, pulling the girl up too–already discarding the jacket before she removed the girl’s shirt. Jennie leaned in and captured those plump lips, they tasted of vanilla, cigarettes, and tequila, her tongue pushing further into Y/n’s mouth. Their breaths were heavy, their kiss sloppier than usual, the woman worked on removing Y/n’s strapless bra and doing so with ease.

She kicked off the duvet from her body as she got down the bed, Y/n trying to chase after her lips and only getting the string of saliva to stretch further before it broke them apart. Jennie turned on the bedside lamp and her eyes were hungry for the girl, all she wanted to do was fuck all her anger out and into Y/n.

The younger looked at the cock that was straining against the underwear that still had her lip prints on them and Jennie reached over for Y/n. “You make me so fucking angry, Y/n.” She huffed out, pulling the girl to the edge of the bed and hooking her fingers at the hem of her skirt and underwear before she pulled on them. She made her so angry yet she made the billionaire crave her so much and it no longer made sense, it never had because what they had would never make sense. It wasn't supposed to make sense. Jennie pulled them down the girl’s long legs before she discarded them on the floor, quickly pulling her boxers down and kicking them to the side.

She leaned back down to Y/n, “I’m sorry.” The girl tried to apologise before her lips got pressed against Y/n's again. Jennie’s kisses were harsher than usual, forcing her tongue inside Y/n’s mouth before the wasted girl could register it. All she did was try to kiss back. “You’re not sorry, you’re a fucking brat who will always anger me.” Jennie’s tone was heated with anger as it never went away, her hand gripped Y/n’s thigh, pulling the girl closer and she pressed her hard cock against Y/n’s wet heat, gently rubbing it between her folds and lubing herself up with the slickness.

Jennie was well aware of how they angered each other and always would. They did it from the second they met and it would never change. It didn’t mean that Jennie would leave it all behind. She would drag it on for as long as possible even if it destroyed them. Pain became bearable, it became the usual, and it became pleasurable after a while. There was no telling right from wrong when they had looked at the wrong as right from the start. 

“You’re so fucking bad.” Jennie gritted out, her palm landing against Y/n’s thigh, the girl whined at the harsh pain and Jennie squeezed the flesh between her fingers. “But so fun to fucking destroy, aren’t you?” Y/n squirmed under Jennie who tugged on her lower lip, her body weight pressing her down into the mattress as her arms wrapped around Jennie’s back. Her kisses were like nicks, they hurt but they hurt so good the way she kissed down her neck, the way she bit down on her skin with the passion for hatred and desire.

“Jennie–” The girl got cut off, and another even harsher force landed right against her skin, it made Y/n jump but only to get nowhere as Jennie was right on top of her. “You don’t get to talk, Y/n.” Jennie pushed herself up, hand running between their bodies as she grabbed hold of her cock that was slick with Y/n's warm juices. Her eyes were on Y/n whose chest was heaving, the girl’s eyes just on Jennie, just for Jennie who guided her tip to her tight and sopping entrance.

“Each day I will remind you of who I am, how I own you, who you belong to.” Jennie breathed out as she pushed herself inside the girl, knowing very well that she had everything she needed to have Y/n in her chokehold. It made the girl’s back arch at the stretch that was intruding, grasping onto Jennie’s back and whimpering as she had no time to adjust. Her legs wrapped around Jennie’s waist. The billionaire was thrusting her hips into Y/n’s, the room quickly filled with the squelching, Jennie filling Y/n, stretching her out, her walls squeezing tightly around her cock with each stroke.

“Your fucking irreverence towards me will end badly one day.” Jennie groaned out, leaning down as she held herself up on her forearm beside Y/n’s head whose long legs were wrapped around her, holding Jennie close while nails dug into her skin. Nothing was gentle and nothing was supposed to be as they were in too much euphoria even to feel any real pain.

Y/n’s mind cut off when Jennie wrapped her hand around her neck, slowly cutting her breath as she squeezed her slim throat. Her heavy balls collided with her skin with each thrust, the woman panting for air right by her ear, her back flexing with each thrust under Y/n’s palms and nails only dragged harsher along her skin at the lack of air. 

Both of them were on the wrong side of heaven.

“You’re fucking with me for a reason, Y/n–fuck if I see you with someone else again, I will ruin you.” Jennie groaned right by her ear, slowly releasing pressure on her neck. Her hips were rough, each making her breath go ragged, carnal grunts coming from the back of her throat at the force she fucked the girl with as it was pushing her worn-out body to the limits. Her cock slid in before coming back out, only to slam back into Y/n hard enough for it to hurt them both.

Her cock was stretching the slim girl, splitting her and reaching the only spots that she needed to get touched. Every time the woman would fuck her she would touch her soul and make her attach herself even harder around Jennie. Y/n’s whiny moans were fueling Jennie on, her pace hard and deep, the bed squeaked with each thrust and Y/n’s walls fluttered around her throbbing cock. Jennie grounded herself hard against the floor with her feet to be able and have the girl trembling under her, the pleasure was clouding Jennie's mind. The juices spilling and staining the sheets.

“You will only get disappointed if you even try to see someone else aside from me—no one can fill your soul-sucking void, whore. Only me, no one else will take you for who you are, but me.” Her teeth dug into Y/n’s thin skin, biting down hard. "That's why you lie to everyone, but me." She muffled through her teeth that were digging into Y/n's skin to find even more support and leverage to fuck the girl.

A cry left Y/n’s lips, pleasure overwhelming her body as her hormones spiked whenever she was drunk. Her cunt was throbbing and her clit was continuously being rubbed at by Jennie’s pelvis in harsh motions. The dick pounding her, dragging along her walls in a painful yet filling with pleasure way, she was able to feel how much harder Jennie grew, the way her tip twitched while caressing her g-spot. She could feel Jennie fully–courtesy of Jennie ignoring using a condom when she knew Y/n wouldn’t have time to even think about it. Her cunt was snug around Jennie’s cock which was pounding her raw.

Jennie lifted her head, leaving a mark on the girl’s juncture that would bruise and she watched the girl under her. The way Y/n’s perfect breasts moved with each thrust, the girl only stayed in place because she was wrapped around Jennie. Her head thrown back, Jennie squeezed her neck again, watching the moans spill from her parted lips, walls squeezing her cock at each gesture because she knew Y/n’s body so well. Her hips rolled into the girl one last time and Y/n came undone under her, her thighs quivering around Jennie, her moans straining from the lack of air. Jennie could die from the way Y/n’s red eyes rolled back and she clawed at her back.

It sent Jennie over the edge, to know that only she managed to have the girl this way under her. That only she knew how to fuck her right, satisfy her with her cock, that she knew how to treat her exactly how Y/n needed to be treated whether outside or inside the bedroom because she was addicted to what Jennie had given her a taste of.

Her hand let go of Y/n’s neck, planting it down beside her head. “Here’s–” Jennie strained, her dick getting squeezed by Y/n’s warm and snug wet pussy. She buried herself deep, her heavy balls tightening as she had everything in them that Y/n deserved. “Everything for my good girl.” She breathed out, filling the girl with her warm and sticky cum, shooting it deep with each twitch of her swollen tip as the walls were squeezing so tightly around her that she was barely keeping it inside Y/n.

Jennie panted for air, unable to catch her breath, her heart pounded against her chest in a way that made it tighten and her throat was dry. Her body was clammy with sweat and she felt somewhere between disgusting and euphoric because her cock was still buried deep within Y/n’s snug walls. The girl under her slowly came back from her high, hands shaky as they let go of Jennie who looked down as she slowly pulled out of Y/n. Her eyes fell back on the girl’s face as tears were still drying on her cheeks, but the girl was quick to cover her face with her forearm while taking in a shaky breath at how overwhelming it had gotten somewhere along the way of the pleasure.

She silently got them both under the covers, covering any traces of the night with it as she hugged Y/n who was already dozing off in a room that was violently spinning, her body still faintly trembling in Jennie’s touch.

Jennie pushed herself up, ignoring the faint flinch from Y/n when she reached up to the girl’s face and pushed her hair out of the way. Jennie still cared about her and that was all that mattered. She leaned down and her lips gently pressed against her cheek. “I care so much about you. I’d give you everything.” The woman mumbled, leaving kisses along Y/n’s jaw and she felt Y/n pull more into her. Jennie wrapped her arms around her small waist, pulling her as close as possible while lying back down.

Jennie’s care just looked different.

[A few hours later]

“Why are you so pissed?” Jennie questioned, unable to please the girl who sat in front of her in the bathtub of the suite.

Y/n huffed, still texting on her phone while Jennie grabbed hold of Y/n’s one leg that was brushing against her thigh. Her palms smoothed against her calf as she put it on the edge of the tub, diagonally across Jennie who massaged the muscles. Her eyes not leaving Y/n who despite being on what Jennie assumed was one of the worst hangovers in her life still looked incredible.

“Everything fucking hurts.”

“Well…” Jennie started, pressing her lips against the girl’s ankle as she had already told her all the excuses. “You did fall.” She lied once again because that explained why certain parts of her body hurt.

There was the option of telling Y/n that her body was sore because Jennie had been harsh with her. Manhandled her, grabbed hold of her, pushed her around, and had rougher sex than she maybe should have since it was rough most of the time, but not like that. She could tell her that they fought, that she had threatened her in multiple ways which included abandoning her or going as far as killing her.

The problem with the truth was that Y/n would most likely not be sitting in the same bath as Jennie if she had told it.

Another problem was that Jennie couldn’t stand up for what she had done because in her defense she had been under the influence and Y/n had fueled her. It was certain that these things would happen and that was her excuse for letting them happen. What she couldn't control wasn't her fault.

Her eyes trailed along her slim leg, catching the bruises forming on her knees as having her on her knees on a cold marble floor wasn’t ideal either. These things only reached Jennie now when she was somewhat sober as she had already taken a line to wake herself up and take care of Y/n.

“Put your phone away.” She told her, expecting Y/n to do it to not cause yet another fight.

“I need to reply, Jen…One more second.” Y/n mumbled, this time not arguing or being defensive about it or telling her off because she knew that it would backfire. Her body hurt enough and she was scared to say no. Her eyes were caught by Jennie’s when she looked up to check if it was fine, looking for permission in the woman’s eyes, for the permission to send a text.

“Hurry up.” She ushered her with her lips trailing kisses along the girl’s calf.

Y/n squirmed and turned off her phone when Jennie nipped at her skin. “Stop or I will shove my foot up your ass, idiot.” She hissed and Jennie used the girl’s leg to pull her over to her. The water splashed, falling outside the tub and she grabbed hold of Y/n’s waist.

“You’re into some weird stuff, aren’t you?” Jennie questioned while pulling Y/n over to her lap, the girl straddling her and running her hands into Jennie’s wet hair. Her fingers tangled in it as Jennie leaned back, the water stopping under her collarbones, looking up at the girl, water drops falling down her pretty skin as the water stopped around her waist when she was in Jennie's lap. Her skin bruised, carrying Jennie's marks.

“I’m not,” Y/n mumbled with a roll of her eyes, fingers coming over to gently trace Jennie's face who turned her head and left a kiss on the nimble fingers. Her hands interlocked on the small of Y/n's back as she pulled her even closer to her. 

“There was a mention of daddy.”

“I’m going to fucking shove your head under the water and hold it there.”

God, Jennie could just hold the girl in her arms forever even if she wasn’t hers.

These moments made it worth it when she puckered her lips and Y/n gently kissed her.

The girl stupidly enough trusted Jennie.

It was more than Jennie making her walls crumble, Jennie had torn them down with force and given Y/n no other choice, but to trust her.

Those low lows were worth it when those highs came.

TAGSLIST! @yxlis @jisooftme @geeminz @lisas-earlobe @badaspookie @xszn @badasgff @hwm1hyun @herwhcre @lilacura @naycore / taglist is open

masterlist.

[sillygooseassociation]

The Facts of Life

Request: i'm screaming crying throwing the fuck up about that jason blurb...now that he mentioned another baby i need you to write about telling him he got you pregnant. pretty please?

Description: Recounting the events leading up to this point of your relationship with Jason, your view of how life works changes as you prepare to tell him big news.

Warnings: pregnancy, mentions of fertility issues and miscarriage

Pairing: Jason Sudeikis x reader

Word Count: 3.4k

A/N: This ended up being way longer than I thought it would be and I don't know if I even fulfilled the prompt how they would have wanted, but I'm super proud of how this turned out! This was requested as kind of a part 2 to Ignore the Headlines and I ended up combining it with the jsuds x reader of Meeting the Crew. Honestly, I think this could all be a little universe, idk, what would y'all think of that? Anyway, the two connected fics are linked, though you can read this one on its own!

-

You were always a very logical person. Facts were facts. Plans were plans. Hopes were hopes. It was best to not confuse or combine the three. There were many points in your adulthood that solidified the importance of their separation.

Walking into 30 Rock, the uneasiness in your stomach grew despite your attempt to push it down. It was finally here. Your first day as an intern at NBC hadn’t even officially begun and yet you felt the need to keel over and throw up everything in your stomach. Taking a deep breath, you approach the front desk where you are then directed to the second floor to have your picture taken, then handed a building ID with that same photo printed on it. 

After a day of being shown the ropes, you finally received your assignment. All you had ever wanted in life was to work for Saturday Night Live. Since eight years old, you stayed up late every Saturday to watch the show, it was your favorite day of the week. Your love for it didn’t deter as you grew older, it strengthened if anything. From Amy and Tina to Seth and Bill, the new age of cast members kept the legacy alive and well. 

So when you were instead assigned to The Tonight Show, a little part of your heart broke. Sure, Jimmy Fallon also helped to carry on the legacy of SNL, but the seemingly fake laugh and cheesy jokes just weren’t what you were hoping for. Hope, it just didn’t work out.

-

After your intern year, your dreams seemed to be coming true as a position opened up for a Production Assistant on Saturday Night Live. You decided to take your chances, updating your resume with your new year of experience before you submitted your application. No hoping this time, just confident in your abilities, that the hiring team would know you were the best person for the job.

That confidence ended up paying off, being offered the job only two weeks after applying, the email offer saying the NBC family didn’t want to lose you. While you were sure that was pure horseshit automatically included in the drafter letter, you didn’t want to complain. It seemed that everything was working out in your favor, not that you were going to tempt fate by jinxing yourself. 

Assigned to cue cards and props, you didn’t often interact with the celebrity guests. To be honest, that didn’t bother you much. You had met a year’s worth of stars while working on Fallon, they were nice enough for the most part. But you were just too excited about your job to worry about the famous people around you. Plus, if you thought about it, none of the hosts or musical guests of the season were particularly exciting to you.

That is, until the fourth week, when Mr. Jason Sudeikis walked into the studio on Monday morning. Jason wasn’t your favorite SNL alum, but he surely was in your top five, and you can’t deny how ridiculously attractive the man is. With your prop responsibilities, your run-ins with Jason were kept to a minimum. And by minimum, you meant a single time in which you spoke to each other when he happened to ask you to pass the sharpie on the other side of the table. You played it super cool, passing the marker to him with a small smile before looking back down to the card you were currently writing lines on, hoping your blush wasn’t too obvious.

It wasn’t until Saturday night that you became quite acquainted with Jason, well more like Jason’s crotch. Staring at his crotch for five minutes as two adults dressed like children harassed him. This situation would have been awkward enough on its own, but with him being dressed in khakis? Your suspicions about a certain size while watching him in khakis on Ted Lasso seemed to be confirmed.

Sitting in a small compartment for five minutes, only busy when handing Jason his two props, you decided to close your eyes in an attempt to ignore the view you had. That decision failed, not being able to do it for even thirty seconds. Trying to distract yourself, you thought of your plan for the rest of the evening: finish the show, clean up all the cue cards and get them in their room, head to the subway for your ride home, eat something when you get to your apartment and then head to bed, all before you then come back to 30 Rock the next day.

After a helpful host, a dirty accidental joke made by said host, and the episode coming to an end, you made your way to the card room. Less boring than it sounds, the room is lined with shelves holding every single cue card in Saturday Night Live history. The nerd in you feels like combusting every time you’re in this room. Hearing a light knock on the door, you turn to see Jason leaning on the door frame, a bashful smile on his face as you make eye contact.

“Hey, Y/N.” Hearing him say your name, you drop the stack of cards you’re holding, muttering under your breath as you reach down to grab them “Fuck.” Jason chuckles, walking closer as you stand back up, putting the stack in their spot on the shelf before turning back to him, “Am I really that horrible? I make you curse and drop things?” You shake your head and chuckle in response, looking down at the floor nervously, “No, you’re not horrible. Just didn’t expect you to know my name.”

Jason gives you a confused look as if you were completely stupid for even suggesting such a thing, “Of course I know your name. I’d be a piece of shit if I didn’t ask the name of someone staring at my dick for five minutes.” You laugh heartily, relaxing a bit as you round the table in between you two to lean against it next to where he stands. “Good to know, good to know.”

Jason turns to look at you, a small smile on his face before he looks down at his sneakers, playing with his feet a bit. “Speaking of which, I wanna apologize for that comment I made earlier, I would never mean to make you feel uncomfortable.” You smile at him in thanks, nudging his shoulder lightly with your own, “Thanks but, it's okay, I could tell you didn’t mean anything by it as soon as you realized what you said.” 

He chuckles, looking at you with a joking expression, “Um, excuse you, it was totally intentional. I was just making sure you had a good sense of humor. Had to make sure the SNL crew hadn’t lost the spark since I left, ya know?” Giggling as he winks at you, you nod your head, “Ah, totally. I’m sure that’s what happened.” 

Jason laughs with a twinkle in his eye, deciding to just go for it, “Really though, I’m sorry. I don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable. Definitely don’t want to make a bad impression on anyone.” He pauses, looking down nervously before looking back up at you, wearing an impish smile, “Especially you.”

At that, your face turns as red as the giant dog often known as Clifford, a response that Jason laughs at before moving, standing in front of you as he begins to end a conversation he desperately wants to continue, “Anyway, I gotta get going, don’t wanna keep the old friends waiting. You’re coming to the after-party, right? I’d love to apologize once more over drinks.” 

You nod at an embarrassingly quick speed before realizing how desperate you probably look, slowing your nods in an attempt to come off as cool, “Yeah, of course. I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” Jason smiles brightly at your response, walking backwards to the door, never breaking eye contact with you. As a result, he walks into the door frame, and while it definitely hurt his shoulder blade, he would do it a million times over if it meant he got to hear your giggle that came out at his goof up. “Great, I mean, good, um, cool. I’ll make sure to keep an eye out for you.” 

So much for planning on heading home after that.

-

You reorganize the crayon box once more, wanting it to be in perfect rainbow order. But what do you even do with the browns? Do you put them next to red because of their similar darker hues? Or do you go from purple into gray which then goes to brown? And don’t even get you started on white, does it go with the light pinks and purples because they’re all light, or next to the black as the two ends of the color spectrum? Letting out a groan of frustration, you rearrange the order again before feeling someone sit down on the bar stool next to you at the kitchen island. 

“Um, baby? You okay?” Turning to Jason in exasperation, your worries aren’t gone but they are surely quieted when seeing the concerned and loving look on his face. “Y-yeah, I’m fine, just want everything to be perfect.” Jason gives you a look that seems to be a cross between compassion and pity, though you know he doesn’t truly pity you. “Y/N, you do know that my children have been to my house before, correct?”

Rolling your eyes, you give him a displeased look though his chuckle in response clearly shows that he’s not taking you seriously, “Yes, Jas, I know that your children have been here before, God. But they haven’t been here before while I have been here.” Jason nods in understanding, pulling you closer so that he can give you a reassuring kiss on the forehead, “That is true, but I don’t think it truly will matter.” 

You sigh as you nod slightly, leaning into his side as you mess with a couple of the crayons, “I know, I know. I factually know that I have nothing to worry about, but that still doesn’t mean that I’m not nervous to meet them.” Jason rubs circles on your lower back, kissing the side of your head, not sure of the right way to calm your nerves but knowing physical touch won’t hurt. “And that’s totally fair hun, I would be nervous too if I was in your situation. But I truly don’t think you have anything to worry about. Daisy and Otis could be happy just sitting here and talking your ear off for hours.” You look at him with a small smile and a light giggle, “Hm, I wonder who they get that from.” 

Jason takes his arm from around you, standing up as he rolls his eyes and waves you off, walking to finish cleaning the dishes, “Yeah yeah, whatever. Anyway, you love them and you haven’t even met them yet, you’ve told me as much. As long as they have someone showing them the love they deserve, they will be happy and content. Which is exactly how I’ll be too.” He sends you one more reassuring smile before turning to the sink, scrubbing the last few dishes as you walk over, hugging him from behind and kissing his left shoulder blade through his sweatshirt. “Thanks bubs, you’re right, I know you are. I just want to make the perfect first impression, I plan on being in their life for as long as you and they will have me.”

Turning off the water, Jason turns around in your arms to return your embrace, kissing your forehead before then leaning his on yours, “So forever? Because that’s what I’m planning on.” You blush deeply, nodding intently before leaning in to give him a gentle kiss, “Sounds perfect.”

The doorbell rings throughout the Manhattan Brownstone, the two of you heading to the door, hand in hand. Before opening it, Jason turns to you, “You’re gonna be great baby, just think, you can’t make a worst first impression on the kids than I did on you.” You push down your sure-to-be loud laughs as he opens the door, two small humans hugging him tightly before turning to you with bright smiles.

Your facts were right, you had nothing to worry about. No one can make a worst first impression than Jason.

-

Jason began to tease you about spending the rest of his life with you after about six months, around the same time you met the kids. His teasing turned to serious promises to make you his wife a little after your one-year anniversary. Little comments about having children together were dropped here and there. Talks of an engagement coming soon came two years in, just before meeting his Ted Lasso family, the two of you finally feeling comfortable to take the risk of being seen in public together. He then made his raging baby fever known about a month after getting down on one knee. 

After four months with a ring on your finger, you had gotten in the habit of remembering to put it back on after taking a shower. The day after your engagement, Jason saw you walking around the house without it on and his heart broke just a little. You were slipping the ring back on during your morning routine when you realized it was the 15th of the month, or more specifically, three days after when your period normally began. 

As soon as Jason told you that he was serious about wanting more kids with you, the two of you began trying. Of course, the actual act was fun, but he was already a bit of an older dad and he wanted to be as young as possible for any children you had. You also couldn’t wait, the idea of carrying Jason’s child and having a human that was the perfect mix of you brought a smile to your face. Your hearts were full of hope that you would be able to welcome a child into this world together.

As you realized the date and that your cycle hadn’t started on schedule, you quickly pulled a pregnancy test out from under your sink. Quickly doing the necessary steps, you sat on the edge of the bathtub as your phone counted down from five minutes, the test placed on the counter in front of you. Of course, this wasn’t a complete surprise. You and Jason haven’t used condoms since you became exclusive and you went off the pill as soon as you agreed to start trying. You planned for this, you had sex at least once a day when ovulating, you abstained from alcohol, and you even tried the old wive’s trick of putting your legs in the air after orgasming (that one was Jason’s idea). Even with all of the planning, you never expected it would work after only three months of trying.

You were on your feet as soon as the phone timer went off, turning the test over to reveal the life-changing result. Tears instantly ran down your face, having trouble believing the word on the white stick, pregnant. Just to be sure, you took three more tests, all different brands. Sure, you were crying while peeing on each stick, but how could you not? Once the three additional tests agreed with the original diagnosis, you let out a screech, you were pregnant!

Once you and Jason decided to try, baby talk was pretty much all your conversations consisted of. Sure, you still talked about your days and went on weekly dates, but at night, when laying in your shared bed - often after sex - your conversations eventually led to being about the baby. How Daisy and Otis would respond, the different names you each liked, or how long of a break Jason would take when the baby arrived. No matter what, you talked about the baby. Jason would ask things like, “When we have a baby, do you think we should move out of the city? We have the space here, but maybe a brand new house would be fun.” You would respond and you wouldn’t correct him, but every time you talked about the baby, you refused to use the word ‘when’.

Sure, you dreamt of having a child with Jason. You were perfectly content being a stepmom to Otis and Daisy, they are your kids as much as they are Jason’s. But that doesn’t mean you didn’t yearn for another child to call your own. As much as you wanted another child, it wouldn’t necessarily happen. What if you and Jason are unlucky and couldn’t get pregnant? What if you are infertile and don’t know it? What if you get pregnant and miscarry? You don’t know if you’d have the ability to try again after that. Of course, you could always adopt or find a surrogate, but to have a child this way, there was no way to know for sure that it would happen. So you stood firm in your word choice, ‘if’ not ‘when’.

-

When Jason entered your house that night, exhausted after a day of filming, he was overjoyed to see a receipt from his favorite pizza joint dropped on the ground. As much as he loved your cooking, some days he just needed to fill his stomach with pizza to his heart’s content, and somehow, you always knew when those days were. Sneaking up behind you as you open the lid of the delivery box, he wrapped his arms tightly around you, pressing a kiss to the base of your neck, “Hey there, beautiful.”

Smiling brightly, you lean back into Jason’s arms, enjoying his warmth and smell. You always loved the smell of your fiancé, you stole his clothes whenever possible. But with how his scent dominated the smell of the pizza as soon as he walked in, at least in your mind it did, you could already tell that your pregnancy hormones would be going crazy for his pheromones. 

Pulling at Jason’s arms lightly, he loosens them just enough for you to turn around in his grasp, wrapping your arms around his neck before you pull him in for a sweet kiss. Jason deepens the kiss, running his tongue along your bottom lip; and as much as you wanted to give in, you desperately wanted to eat the pizza and also couldn’t hold your news in much longer. You pull away a bit, though Jason chases your lips, much to your entertainment. Laughing at him, you push him away slightly as you leave his embrace, sitting down at the table, “Settle down cowboy, maybe later.”

Playful pouting before laughing at himself, Jason secedes, pulling out his chair though you stop him before he can sit down, “Oh, sorry bubs, I forgot the plates, can you grab them?” Nodding happily, Jason rounds the corner to the kitchen, “What did you get up to today, hun?” Humming in thought, you remember the cute bookstore you passed that day, “Oh! I went into the cutest bookshop today, there was this whole kids’ series about soccer, well, football, and it explains the rules and everything, in baby terms of course. Super adorable. I took a picture so I can find it later, definitely need to buy that when we have the baby.” 

From the kitchen, which you don’t have a view of from the dining room table, Jason chuckles lightly in response, “That’s a fun idea, but does it explain offsides? But yes, definitely need to get that for…” He trails off, to which you smile, knowing he caught onto what you said. Jason rounds the corner with wide eyes, two plates in hand, “Y/N, did you say ‘when’?” Nodding with a bright smile, your legs bounce with excitement, “Mhm, I did say ‘when’.”

At the speed of lightning, Jason put the plates down and crosses the short distance to you, pulling you into his tight embrace. He holds you to his chest, tears running down both of your faces, then squeezes you with excitement. Pulling back, he kisses you passionately while holding your face in between his hands, your tears mixing together. Pulling back slightly, he rests his forehead on yours, both of you attempting to calm your racing hearts. Clearing his throat, Jason looks deeply into your eyes with a fondness you had never seen in them before.

“We’re gonna have a baby?” He speaks so softly, almost as if saying it out loud will snap him out of his dream. You smile softly, reaching up to wipe away his tears, “We’re gonna have a baby.”

Maybe you needed to rethink your logic. Looks like hopes, plans, and facts can all come together for good things, for the best things.

[be-ready-when-i-say-go]

I'm so so so sorry to make a request, I just can't bring myself to write this to calm myself down

How would Eddie respond to an ftm reader that's experiencing something similar to Arthur Havisham's "Why did your father stop loving you?" Scene? The heartbreak when Arthur says "You beat me"

Maybe Jason asks the reader that and he breaks down because he has a terrible relationship with his abusive father

Again I'm so sorry

Sorry for taking so long to get to this! I hope it suffices. I felt bad for how long this took me and I managed to watch snippets of the scene so I feel like there's something I might be missing. Please let me know if this isn't what you were looking for.

Requests have resumed. You can submit yours here!

Currently writing for Eddie Munson. I write for a variety of reader inserts (male, female, gender neutral, readers of color too).

The more details you had to your request, the better it is for me. EX: “What about some fluff for Eddie after he’s had a long day?”

Feel free to look through my masterlist here!

Eddie Munson x Trans!Male!Reader

CW: Mentions of abuse (not actually detailed out); references to binding

_____________________

It's been building--that much you do know.

You don't know when the seal first cracked. You hadn't been paying that close attention to things. But when it all exploded, when the dust settled and you watched from outside yourself, you know that everything, with enough pressure, does have a limit. You are not a superhero, not superhuman, and thus, you too have a limit.

And Jason Carver is that limit.

He's not the exact catalyst. You had your father to blame for that. But Carver is the match in a pile of dynamite. He is the spark--the hammer to come down on the cracked cover.

Only in retrospect does it become clear that maybe when Eddie asked you if you wanted to take Friday night after a game of Dungeons and Dragons just to 'hang out, blow off some steam' that he really was asking you if you were okay.

And you weren't. But you weren't going to burden Eddie with it. Considering he already had enough on his plate. You'd caught in whispers the conversation he had with Wayne when you were over about an extra expense because of the leaky faucet. They weren't in any position to let it continue to be a problem, but it was proving harder for either Wayne or Eddie to fix themselves. "Think he'd fix it cheap?" Eddie had asked. Wayne's reply came evenly, "No, but he'll fix it right."

So no--you were not in a mind to burden Eddie. But the shouting, the searing palms were still pressing down on you. They'd never stopped if you're honest. And you think they never will stop. Nothing is going to give in your favor.

After tucking yourself away in your bedroom, praying that the door you're pressed against doesn't rattle with a pounding fist or foot, you prayed into a seemingly never answering void that you'd survive the week. Jason had decided since Tuesday that you were the object of his displeasure.

It started with jabs at your clothes. Then it's your voice. It feels like anything can be wrong is wrong and Carver's making it a personal mission to point it all out. It wasn't easy to brush it aside. It wasn't fun to have decide if you're going to start a fight or leave it alone. And those your natural inclination may to leave ignorance alone, you lose the choice when you're hiding out at Lover's Lake, trying to let the stars wash over you.

There's a ruckus for a few feet from you. You're going to ignore it. Most people come out here if they're trying to drink. You're not going to bother them. You stay tucked away and hug your knees up to your chest. The group is a little rowdy at first, but they settle down, voices falling from boisterous laughter into broken chuckles and the occasional shout.

It's fine for a little bit. And you're not sure how long you're out there, but the voice get louder again. There's metal cans you can hear now clinking together. Loud groups and alcohol, a recipe for disaster.

"Hey!"

You turn to the voice, only just a little to see part of a body who's calling out to you. You think it's Carver, given the slightly tinniness to his voice. But you don't give it too much thought before you finish brushing the gravel off your butt from where you were sitting.

There's a crunch, the distinct sound of someone running on the rocky shoreline. "Hey, I'm fuck-fucking talking to you!" The words don't fall clearly; they slur, bumping into each other like the syllables don't know their place in the sentence and cadence.

This is only supposed to be a moment to escape, feel at peace for the first fucking time all week. You continue on. No need to give into the drunkenness.

"The fuck, bro. Just slow down!"

You remain silent, pushing onward and the crunch of gravel under the shoes is louder and louder until a hand catches your elbow. "What the fuck? You can't hear?"

The hand comes up to hoodie you've pushed over your head like trying to swat away flies and you realize Jason--clearer closer up--must think you've got headphones on. You push back at his swatting head. "I can choose not to respond," you huff, pushing away from him.

He holds tighter. "I-I want to ask you something."

"Carver, not today," you warn, pulling firm to get your wrist free from his hold.

"I-just listen, please," he begs. And when you look at his face, highlighted by moonlight, you something that looks like it might be an ounce of concern. It doesn't last long because you tug again.

When Carver lets you go, you take a step back your balance off for a moment but you catch yourself. You don't want to cry. But the heat of Carver's touch is still searing into your skin, into the some tender spot you'd been nursing this particular week.

"What does it feel like?"

You shake out your wrist a little, face pinching up into confusion. "What does what feel like?"

Carver only gestures over you. "This--what does it feel like? Like, we all know."

And you're not sure what he's referring too--what it is that everyone knows. There's too many things for the town to know and too many things that the rumor mill always churns. It could almost be anything at this point that he's trying to hint at.

"I--whatever," you retort, but something catches in your chest. You're really not sure what he's referring to.

Carver takes your wrist again and yanks the sleeve up. His hand with the can still in the grasps waves over you again, like he's trying to gesture to something without really giving it away. There's a pause at your torso and you think you know what really is being given away. "Tell me--When do your father stop loving you?"

It cracks--everything you'd been swallowing down. Everything you'd been trying to throw more and more dirt onto to bury comes vomiting back up when you slam your first into Jason's chest. The thud of his chest vibrates up your arm. "Leave it alone!"

"Fuck you. Fuck you for asking that," you huff. "You don't--" but the truth cracks with your voice. "I don't know."

You're not sure when it started or why it started. But you were here now--hiding from everyone. Perhaps even from yourself. You don't know how long you stand their wailing at the boy's body. But you don't feel like it's been long enough. "Fuck you!" you shout. "Fuck you!"

Arms wrap around your waist. Your weight falls into them--not that you have a choice. You're being pulled away. And when the arms don't release you at the tug of your fingers into their forearms, you start thrashing against them. "Hey, hey, it's me! It's Eddie!"

It's only the sound of his name that makes you freeze long enough to blink through the tears. Carver's keeping the rest of the team pushed back away from you, like he maybe he's defending you. But when he turns, his eyes are downturned. Like he hadn't really meant to cause so much a scene. But the damage is done now.

You think you see something that might turn into a bruise on his face--a red spot on his cheek. You're not sure if you did that. But the thought that maybe you did freezes your blood.

"No, no, no, no, no," you whimper.

"It's me, Eddie. Please stop fighting me," Eddie tries again. He'd only come to the Lake when he climbed into your window and noticed your room was empty. You'd left the window unlocked and cracked so it was easier for you to sneak in and out of it.

Eddie used it to his advantage when he wanted to hang out with you, but couldn't through on the phone to ensure you were home. Sometimes, he didn't even feel like dealing with your dad so he'd drive over and just poke his head up into the window.

When he didn't see you in your room and you hadn't mentioned to him going anywhere he had an inclination that you might be here at the lake. Your body is limp now in his arms. Your broken sobs are loud in the night. They echo and echo.

"Talk to me. What happened? What did Carver do?"

"I-it's me," you heave out.

Eddie settles, releasing his arms slowly from around you. "You? What do you mean it's you?"

The words don't come up anymore, just an ugly sob. Eddie does what he can, encasing you now in a hug, face buried into his chest. "It's okay. You're okay now," he returns.

You don't have enough breath. You're heaving and you know it. You'd cried up everything on the walk back to Eddie's van, but now you're heaving. Your chest is on fire. The world is starting to get just a little blurry on the edges. It's not the tears. You know what it is, the pinches at your chest and ribs prominent more now with the excessive physical movement and possibly from Eddie's earlier grasps on you too.

The bandages sting at your skin. Your face is hot with embarrassment and tears.

There lies the wreckage. There it lies.

In the back of the van, Eddie notices your subtle tugs. "How long have you been wearing them?"

"All-all day," you heave.

"You know you can't do that," he reprimands. It's gentle, hand resting on your knee. He's dug out napkins to give to you to wipe the tears and snot from your face.

You only give a half a shrug.

"I'll guard the door, but you have to promise you'll have take the binding off if I do. I won't risk my ass to Carver for nothing."

You can only nod. Everything feels uneasy, shakes in your hands but you can get it undone at least. Eddie takes the affirmative sign and slips back out the backdoors. With a deep breathe, trying to steady your nerves just enough. When your eyes close you see that stupid drop of sincerity on Jason's face and nearly lose it all again.

Why the fuck would he care? Why did it matter to him the shitty life you were living?

The pop of the bandage brings a small bit of relief. You get it loose, not properly off, but you drop your head into the wall of the van and take the good deep inhale. You're not far from the door and when you can get the end of the into a solid grasp from the bottom of your sweatshirt, you tap your foot against the door.

Eddie is quick to crawl back inside. "Took you long enough."

"Can you help?"

There's only a pause, long enough for it to be noticable but not long enough for it feel awkward. "Yeah, of course."

You push up, unwinding a bit more and feed it Eddie. It's not awkward, as the two fo you work the bandage around, more and more bit of relief settling for you. The end of the sweatshirt rides up just a little bit nothing revealing.

"What did you mean by it's you? What the hell happene?"

"Shitty week," you return. "I know Jason's probably drunk but--it's just what he asked me."

Eddie's brow quirks in the silent question. You drop your head back into the wall of the van, the bandage all now completely unraveled. You work it slowly back up around itself into a ball. "He asked when my father stopped loving me. And said 'we all know'. And I don't-" your voice cracks, lifting the ace bandage. "I don't know what he's talking about but is it really that obvious? I don't--I'll die if the wrong people ask. Hell, I might die in my own fucking house."

"You're not. You're not going to die, because I swear to God I'm getting us out of this shitty ass town. Where you can be you've always been. Away from your dad. But you're not dying. Not here."

There's so much conviction in Eddie's tone that you want to believe him.

"But he beats me," you choke out.

Eddie had always suspected but when he asked, you always had an excuse. The thing Eddie wouldn't do is beat a dead horse. Perhaps now, the horse has never been more alive. "You're spending the night with me," Eddie declares, "nothing's going to happen tonight."

Because if you're with him nothing will. If you're with Eddie you're not with your dad, and if your dad comes looking there was more in the Munson trailer and though Eddie never likes resorting to violence, the hunting rifle Wayne used to take hunting was something Eddie had gotten used to shooting.

"Only use it when you absolutely need to, son. Humans aren't deer. But if it's you or someone else and I'm not there, you need to come back to me alive."

Perhaps Wayne would allow Eddie the grace to extend the sentiments to you. Because if it's you or someone else, Eddie needs you alive.

"I'm going to keep you alive," Eddie states. "Even if it means forcing you out of your binder kicking and screaming or hauling you off people when you snap, I'm keeping your ass alive."

-H

[melissamasakari]

Confessions you didn`t notice

Chapter eleven. Martial arts

“Kid, are you ignoring social calls again?” Sam asked reproachfully as she leaned on my fence.

“Has it already started? I signed up yesterday.”

“Almost, and your match is scheduled after lunch. But Arlo was real upset that you didn’t even come to cheer for him. His fight is coming soon; shall we go?”

“Well, since the boss wants to see me, let's run. Wait, how do I look like?”

“Good enough to crush just everyone. But I won’t give in to you, don’t get your hopes up.”

I climbed over the fence to her side and we quickly ran across the field. Oh, here are the standings. Wow, looks like I'm going to have a tough fight today. Sam and I pushed our way closer to the arena.

Qualifiers. First round. Arlo vs Russo. What a competition! Right away, two of the most powerful fighters in the city opened the festival. I watched in fascination as they thrashed, threw each other around and on the mats. Alas, as expected, the butler won the first match. My redhead (Bro? I wish he isn’t!) had only recently recovered from an injury, and he is still nursing his hand, so this is why he has a clink in his armor. For such an experienced fighter as Russo, noticing that was not a problem.

Break.

“Come on, Arlo! Beat him!”I shouted, finally making my way to the first row. Why not? I’m the smallest one here, I can hardly see behind other people’s backs.

“Oh, you’re here! I didn’t notice you in the crowd earlier,” but he clearly perked up. Arlo smiled at me, stood up and began the second round.

This time it turned out much better. It looked like Russo was already tired. Or the support of friends had such a serious impact. Arlo was very dangerously close to losing a couple of times, but managed to level up and even win, albeit with a minimal advantage in points. The third round ended as a loss to Russo. Everything happened so quickly that I almost missed the ending by simply blinking at the wrong time. I greeted my hero with a standing ovation.

“YAY! And you said there was no chance. I KNEW you could do it. How are you?” Where did Sam go?

“Fine. I should go rest on the stands. Let's go to the shade, this heat is killing me.”

“Well, yes, going home is not an option now. All of us are in qualifiers today. Do need some water?”

“Yep. Did you submit your application at the last minute? I haven't seen your name in standings this morning.”

“Remy said, I now have to. Well, I comply. By the way, am I not entitled to your beautiful uniform now?”

“We don’t have any uniform! But you really should order stripes with medical information.”

“Which ones? I didn't pay attention to it.”

“So here it is. On the shoulder,” he pointed to what I thought was just a decoration on the jacket. So, height, weight, date of birth. Oh. Blood type, AB +. I have to remember it; it might come in handy later.

“Our Corps wears badges. I still have mine if it's needed. So I didn’t take a closer look at those stripes. Do I have to sew this on all of my clothes? Will you help me to review Regulations?”

“What do you mean about having your own badges?”

“And I see you still didn’t read my profile careful enough. Don't go off topic. What should I do with these patches?”

“Evening gowns don’t qualify, if that’s what you’re asking. Just add it on your outerwear in a visible place. How much patches should I order for you?”

“Based on the number of jackets I guess it should be four. That’s all I’ve got except my copycat one, I just won’t ruin it. For that one I’ll just put a patch in my pocket. Will it work?”

���Then go see Phyllis and sign the permission. I'll arrange everything. Let's go, Remy is going to have his match soon.”

The fight between Remy and Paulie did not bring any surprises. Even though they are nearly even, the furniture maker was efficiently dispatched two rounds in a row. Flawless victory.

“Well done! So, it turns out that tomorrow we will spar, won’t we”

“That's right, Captain. I try to keep up.” Remy smiled cheerfully and punched Arlo at his open palm.

“Well, kid, you're next. Are you ready?” Sam appeared from somewhere and hugged me from behind by my shoulders.

“Yes. Would you hold my bag for a moment?”

Putting on a calm expression, I slowly walked into the arena. My opponent today is Django. Well, that will hurt. If not physically, then emotionally, for sure. I also knew that he's as bouncy as desert hopper. Looking at me, he somehow immediately shrivelled, but got ready for battle regardless. Seems that I greatly offended him with my refusal.

Signal to start fight sounded.

Breathe deeper!

It was strike, turn, retreat. Step, kick, rebound. Almost like a dance. Another blow, left, right, bend down, strike from bottom to top. I was going well. Distracted by Arlo, who was looking very carefully, I missed a very sensitive blow which Django landed on my belly with a knee. Ouch, that hurts! The stands became agitated. I resisted and didn’t fall down. My opponent was speeding up. Great. I crawled under him, rolled over and kicked him in the back of the leg. Django lost his balance and fell onto the mats. The first round was mine.

Break.

Oh, here came pacifists, what a dubious honor. It's surprising that SHE wasn't here during the first battle. But now she has cheerfully joined the Civil Corps team. What are they whispering about? And why do I so want to show her an obscene gesture? Jealous, or what? What nonsense, they're not dating so I have no need to be jealous.

“Melissa! You can do it!” My redhead shouted and waved his hand at me, smiling encouragingly. Take that, Nora.

I flexed my fists, stretched and stood up. It was time to settle this matter. Django quickly rushed to attack. I missed a couple of blows but broke through his defense on the right. Did he guess who I had in mind when I returned his heart knot? Well, by now, everyone probably had already guessed it, except for Arlo himself. But that doesn't matter right now. Ouch, it hurts so much. He got me again. I should try to go around it on the left. Jump, turn, hit. Wow! I didn’t even know I can do THAT! Django received a powerful kick to the jaw, took a few hesitant steps back and sank down. Didn't I break him any bones?

“Are you alive? Are your teeth intact? Should I call the doctor?”

“It's okay, my princess!” He stroked the bruised area and slowly stood up. “Victory is rightfully yours. Losing to you is a great honor.”

Yell louder, I'm not your princess! I'll kick you for this! Oh, yes, I already did it. Well, okay, I won.

Next is Sam so I need to take my bag from her. While I was going down to my friends, Nora got lost somewhere. Scared? It’s better for me, I don’t really want to stand next to her. My friends met me and immediately hugged me all together. Sam rubbed the top of my head and went to prepare for her fight, after having returned my belongings.

Sam's opponent was Sanwa. I had no doubt at all about her victory, although the hairdresser is very agile for his size. That’s all spectacular. Wow, what a great jump and strike. I wonder if I looked just as cool?

Oh, did she finish with him already?

“Well, little fella, now there’s no escape. Tomorrow at lunch, second round. It will be tough.”

“Do you promise?”

“I guarantee it.”

“In total, it turns out that... The entire Corps team is in the finals? A tournament for our own people?”

“Ha ha, so funny. I didn't expect that.”

“Maybe we can agree on two by two?”

“And we’ll get a scourge of redheads against everyone? No way, kid, we’ve already been through this in the winter.”

“And guys against girls isn’t too fair,” Remy said.

“I would suggest a celebration, but the restaurant seems to be closed today.”

“You knocked him out great. It's like you've been possessed by an imp.”

“Plierimp,” I joked, taking pliers out of my bag and clicking them with a clanking sound.

[war-criminal-showdown]

So why did you pick Edelgard and not the dude who has a whole scene about torturing a prisoner of war. Or the woman who burned a whole town full of innocent citizens. Or the two men who set on fire two fleeing soldiers. Or-

You see the point. Is it only going by most controversial? Because even in term of energy she's not the best pick for this game?

Sorry if you deem it rude or anything. If it's the case then don't hesitate to ignore. I'm just baffled it's always Edelgard looking at the whole cast of her game. Why do we never see Dimitri in those kind of tournament?

Still in any case, have a good day. Hope Edelgard lose cause she doesn't really belong here looking at the other contestants?

I pretty much just went for the most submitted Fire Emblem character!

Those are valid points tho, you can escalate this issue to the FE fandom and see what they have to say for themselves hahaha

[most-annoying-sponsorship]

Any submitted propaganda under the cut

BetterHelp - 44

the ads are unilaterally either cheesy 'everyone needs help sometimes pardner' stuff or a therapist who works for betterhelp saying how good betterhelp is. notably was an uptick in ads AFTER it was revealed how bad betterhelp is for actual mental health and how it doesnt vet its therapists lol

It’s overpriced, they underpay their workers, they have fake 5-star reviews and they sell your info. So many big YouTubers still promote Betterhelp to this day when most this info came out in 2018-ish. Fuck Betterhelp, all my homies hate Betterhelp

I guess it’s more of a podcast sponsor in my experience but OH MY GOD it’s such a bad business, but more importantly for this poll I just hate hearing youtubers/podcasters put on a serious voice to talk about Mental Health and how they themselves have struggled with Burnout and blah blah it literally all sounds the same. It’s like a psa in the middle of your video.

not only is it annoying bc it’s everywhere but it also sucks ass & exploits people

not only annoying, but a harmful service as well!!

It's being sued or smth rn (class action I think?). The program has been sketchy af and exploiting people who are experiencing mental illness or trauma, falsely claiming they have a full scale psychiatric team when they don't, selling data, etc. All for profit. Every other sponsorship is annoying, sure. But I instantly lose a little bit of respect when I hear a YouTuber talk about the importance of mental healthcare and then point you to BetterHelp.

The motherfuckers at Betterhelp call it ""'therapy""" but it sells your data. Youtubers I like promote this bastard of a conpany without a care in the world. I don't know why it is legal, I don't know how they get away with it, and I'm going to rip Betterhelp molecule by molecule

Its a scam trying to get your data and they dont even follow HIPPA laws or vet their therapists and they've had so many scandals that I'm shocked they still get sponsors unironically

Doesn’t even work like they’ve had a ton of controversy and the Youtuber is always like “lemme get real with you guys for a second… ok… phew… I go to therapy” and it’s like OKAY WELL YOU SHOULD GIVE A SHIT THAT THE COMPANY SUCKS THEN 💀

Takes advantage of people needing access to mental health care, when in reality BetterHelp is a terrible company that treats therapists AND clients like shit. The FTC recently gave them a huge fine for selling client health data to for-profit advertising corporations like Facebook but they still deny wrongdoing and haven't stopped the shill campaign. At least when a meal kit service or w/e is poor-quality usually all it means is you wasted your money, but if you trust the wrong therapy service there is a lot more that can go horribly wrong. (Cerebral is even worse since it was essentially all the problems of BetterHelp mixed with handing out addictive controlled substances like candy, but I haven't seen it on Youtube as much)

This is the only sponsorship that has actively made me unsubscribe from anyone that advertises it. While others like raycon or squarespace are usually annoying. Betterhelp is actively harmful to both their patients and their therapists, sells personal health data of their users to ad companies and it isn't even cheaper than real therapy at this point like they claim to be. It makes me see red when I see another youtuber saying how "good" it is and how it helped them (which it honestly looks like a script at this point) and telling their usually young audience to sign in. And then they dare to ignore the thousands of comments telling them about how bad betterhelp actually is. Like, I thought we all knew about their shady practices. It has been common knowlege since 2018, why are you acting surprised when you get called out. But I guess they pay really well so I hope those 1000$ were worth it I guess. Sorry for the ramble.

I've never tried it so I can't know for sure, but by all accounts the app is shit, yet everyone talks about it as though it's the best thing ever

There are sooo many controversies with BetterHelp and youtubers stopped accepting (not medically trained professionals, highly unethical and unprofessional and rude etc) sponsorships with them until recently like they all just forgot how shitty it was and it makes me dislike the youtuber every time i see they accept one

A shitty company taking advantage of those struggling with mental health (overcharging, horrible therapists, sharing data with third parties etc.) and yet everyone is sponsored by them

It harms both the therapists and the patients using it and is particularly evil to do that during the current times

Fake therapy and unqualified folks

they literally prey on mentally ill people for their money. their therapists seem extremely unqualified. i have heard so many horror stories including therapists telling (non-religious) clients to pray their problems away, talking about their own problems to the client for the entire session, and sitting on the toilet mid appointment. i genuinely don't understand how otherwise respectable creators can take their sponsorships in good faith because i have ONLY HEARD BAD THINGS

Shit company that abuses their “patients” and takes their money, and youtubers REFUSE to listen to their audiences on this

Not only is it incredibly fucking common and annoying, but it preys on and is advertised to people with mental illness. It apparently isn't very helpful for this (it seems like therapists don't even have to be licensed) but still presents itself as therapy. People have also said it sells your data and isn't confidential at all

It's everywhere and I heard it's actually a little harmful sometimes.

THEY STEAL YOUR INFO??? YOUR DEPRESSION IS LITERALLY BEING MONETIZED FUCK THESE GUYS JUST DO A NORMAL SCAM LIKE ESTABLISHED TITLES INSTEAD OF TAKING ADVANTAGE OF SUICIDAL PEOPLE

It's a legitimately harmful product and it is /everywhere/

It's basically a scam and can cause actual harm!

Evil fucking service, straight up dangerous

Its not even real therapists

IT DOES NOT VET ITS THERAPISTS. I CANNOT EMPHASIZE THIS ENOUGH, BETTERHELP DOES NOT VET ITS THERAPISTS. It also doesn't pay nearly enough.

it's a scam that preys on people trying to get help with their health

Literally sold user data from THERAPY SESSIONS

somehow it doesn't matter how many times there's articles about how better help abuses patients personal data, uses counselors who aren't licensed therapists, does conversion therapy on ppl who ask for lgbt sensitive counseling....ppl STILL take the money and i hate it

It's a scam and people (even some professional therapists have promoted it). "Despite its credible presentation, BetterHelp was caught selling data to Facebook, Snapchat, Criteo, and Pinterest. The company recently settled for $7.8 million. The FTC confirmed that BetterHelp pushed people into handing over health informatio" quote is from this article which sums up the problem pretty well: https://www.themarysue.com/betterhelp-controversy-explained

It turns out they sell user data for advertising purposes which GOES AGAINST WHAT THERAPIST GROUPS ARE SUPPOSED TO DO!!!

always feels really dystopian to get advertisement for scammy corporate mental health services... like what a sign of failure for society if ppl have to rely on such expensive and potentially unprofessional ways of getting the help they need. get that thang away from mee

therapy site with bad therapists on it

It's actually bad morally speaking

AWFUL SERVICE !!! every youtuber who still takes this sponsorship is cringe to me

Jim Beam "People Are Good For You" Ad - 1

I hate this ad. 1st of all, as an autistic person, being in a loud crowded bar would be a sensory nightmare for me. Also I don't like the taste of alcohol. So borboun is probably gross anyways. 2nd, I wouldn't want to go a bar because I would concerned about getting sick. That's because it's flu and cold season where I live, and Covid-19 is around. Lastly, I've seen this ad enough times now that it's annoying. So no Jim Bean, I will not be going a bar or buying your bourban (or anyone else's) anytime soon.

[zeena-athena]

Work nonsense - feel free to skip if you don't want to hear me whine.

I can't figure out if work is better or worse when my coworkers are actively being clique-y and excluding me. Like, yay I'm not being antagonized for the majority of my shift and I'm not having a meltdown/breakdown midshift or at the end of my workday. *sarcastic jazzhands*

But I'm just getting treated passive aggressively or just outright ignored/barely acknowledged and I'm somehow almost just as drained?

Like I can hear them laughing and talking as a group and I'm just working alone and it's honestly really tiring because there's people in that group I used to be friendly with, but because they're actual friends now with the person who was bullying me and whose now being passive aggressive to me on a near daily basis, now I'm suddenly contaminated and they barely interact with me. It's exhausting.

And I told my boss that this shit was going to happen if the girl that was bullying me (and other people before me) got promoted, that I was concerned, and they went ahead and promoted her anyway, so I have no where or anyone to turn to to address this. I should have realized that when my boss turned me telling her 'hey, she's starting to act passive aggressive to me and the last time she behaved like this it turned into actual aggression and antagonistic behavior' into "well you just dont stick up for yourself. YOU need to solve your issues yourself and confront her yourself."

God I'm burned out to hell and back and I'm clinging to the hope of my business taking off because submitting applications and cold applying elsewhere right now is a fucking joke.

I miss my friends being at work. They've moved on to better places and wonderful new jobs, and I'm proud of them. But now I'm alone with people who don't give a shit and will happily turn on you for someone else's approval and I'm just really... tired. I think that's the right word.

It also just reminds me of all the times my undiagnosed adhd and autistic quirks burned other people and drove them away from me bc i was suddenly too much; so I'm just sitting here like "do I really have a time limit with people? When will I eventually hit too much for you? What thing will finally push me from okay to unacceptable in your eyes?" And that fucks me up inside. Especially given that I've had longer friendships and relationships, so when my brain gets to this point all I can think regarding those people is just- 'when will I finally be too much for you? When will you look at me and say that this is too much for you? That I'm too much for you?' Maybe I'm just meant to drift? Only a passerby, never someone whose kept around for years and years. Maybe it's not a bad thing that I lose contact with people because my adhd means my friendship degradation doesn't exist so I just forget to actively contact people. At least I don't have to see when I started going from a friend to a nusance in their eyes.

[celestialholz]

Le Cirque du Soleil (a meta ft. Celestial dying)

... Well shit, folks. Let's have a chat about this fucking sun.

(My thanks to @porgthespacepenguin for discussing this idea even further and making this a more rounded post, and for providing the screenshots. Bless you dear. <3)

So, let's start with this...

This is, quite clearly, a sun - the same sun that's outside the ready room, in fact, and the same one at the centre of this picture:

Now, considering that this story is about Q's potential fate if our darling fool of an admiral doesn't get his shit together (see the evidence of that over here), coupled with the fact that the sun's a celestial object, a life-giver (quite literally - how many times has Q saved Picard at this point? Because it's at least four and I can argue for more), ridiculously powerful, and ultimately a capricious bitch with its day/night and winter/summer deal, we can safely conclude that this sun is our Q representation for the episode - our soleil, one might say.

... But this sun is more than just a sun. Even for a basic model, it looks, well... veined.

Thing looks bloody weird, to be frank.

Now, I probably wouldn't have thought much on this... well, until this. Until it became very apparent as we went on that Maurice Picard is a perfect mirror of Q - someone I genuinely thought was Q for half this episode - in both mannerism and the fact that Jean-Luc realises his motives aren't anything like what he thought they were, and that the point of this whole episode is to get to Jean-Luc's 'heart' through his parents... for him to realise that actually, Q isn't his enemy either.

... So yeah, this sun's also a heart. I hope that was fucking coherent, because I'm dead and thinking's hard.

... But what is a heart, to a man who does his absolute best not to feel... and lest we forget, has a mechanical one himself?

... It's a brain.

So, let's recap: we've got Q as the sun - essential, warming, life-saving, powerful; we've got Q as the heart - accepting oneself, 'following your heart', love, affection; and we've got Q as the brain - the logic, the rationale, the decision-maker... the part that fucks up sometimes, or doesn't understand, or perhaps puts a little too much faith upon someone.

Which makes this shit just about the most ridiculous singular image I've ever seen in this ship:

... Dear fucking god, who allowed this? I'm done. I submit to you: Jean-Luc Picard, literally holding Q's fate in his hands. It all relies on him working it out - which, you know, doesn't go brilliantly. The complete idiot. I adore him, and I also want to throttle him.

Anyway, this sun follows us around the episode: it's floating just about everywhere, but there's two examples that I need to draw attention to.

There's the part where Baby!card drops his precious notebook, filled with things he 'loves':

... And the fact that his dad's the one to give it back to him...

Oh, and also, the real killer:

Here it sits, beside his 'secret shame'. Beside that dark, horrible, awful thing that even in an episode set largely in his head, we never get to see. That thing he can't admit, even to himself, that's desperate to get out.

... Yeahhhh. Don't even bother trying to tell me that Q isn't behind that door. Q, and all he represents: complete freedom, total acceptance, a realisation that love isn't destruction, it isn't vulnerability... it isn't becoming his mother, and losing all sense of himself. The brain, leading him to the heart, to the essential - to the inevitable, perhaps. The knowledge and certainty that he needs to finally move on, when he feels he never should... that a part of yourself, however little you like it, is never worthy of being ignored.

... You know, I wasn't expecting this take out of Tapestry 2, but I'm not mad. Q's engineered all this, by the way. Kill me, thanks in advance.

And as though it wasn't obvious enough already...

Q's fate doesn't just lie in Picard's hands. He's made this happen. He has given him his fate. In saving him from fucking up with Queen Agnes in episode one, in offering him another chance (again), it's time for him to save Q, for once - it's time to flip a well-established dynamic, before Q dies for his own faith in this man.

Time to mirror it, even.

... And in the end, Picard's made progress... but he still doesn't get it. And he's running out of time to.

Everything orbits the sun. Just this once, Jean-Luc, realise that yes, the sun is dangerous, and unpredictable, and wild... but, much like you, and much like your father, it's never out to cause harm. It's here for you.

... Preferably before your mother's story comes true.

(Oh, yeah: and if you're not already as convinced as I am as to who's behind that door, let Porg retroactively explain it to you further. Because I'm dead, and I can't handle any more. 😂)

[allegra-writes]

“The Devil all the time”

Hunter!Tom x Demon!Reader

Supernatural AU

NSFW

Warnings: Smut

"Break the silence, damn the dark

Damn the light..."

The Chain - Fleetwood Mac

Forget everything you thought you knew, you had every reason to be afraid of the dark when you were a kid. In this world where monsters are real, the Holland brothers hunt them so normal people can continue to live in the bliss of ignorance.

But when something goes terribly wrong, Tom will do anything to save his brother's life, including selling his soul to the devil. Well... Not exactly the devil, but close enough.

You don't need to watch Supernatural to read this AU

MY MASTERLIST

He knew it was you, even before turning. He knew it as soon as he heard your deceptively delicate footsteps break the supernatural silence that had fallen over the forest the moment he had buried the little metal box in the old crossroad. Tom didn't want to think about what it meant, having such an intimate knowledge of you to be able to recognize you by the cadence of your steps, being so in sync with you that he could tell whenever you were in the vicinity. 

So he used his favorite deflection technique whenever it came to you.

"Y/n? What's a nice girl like you doing in a place like this? Sorry, did I say nice girl? I meant evil skank"

The insult didn't phase you. None ever did. It was hard to take them seriously when you knew how many nights he fell asleep with your name on his lips, after pathetically releasing himself into his own hand, or fucking his boring girl-next-door girlfriend, chasing orgasm over unsatisfactory orgasm that would never completely satiate him. Because it wasn't your face the one contorted in pleasure looking up at him from the mattress.

"You called. I came" You batted your lashes, sweetly. "I always come when you call…" 

He gulped, the innuendo not lost to his ears. It threw him off guard, like it always did. 

"I would have thought this would be… beneath you" Tom cleared his throat, looking away, trying to regain his footing, "collecting a deal, like a vulgar crossroad demon"

There was nothing vulgar about the soul of a Holland. But he didn't need to know that, so you just shrugged,

"Queen Rowena has an interest in you boys. She finds you entertaining. I'm just being a good subdit" 

He scoffed,

"Funny. I would have never peg you for a sub"

You took a step closer to him.

"You don't have what it takes to make me submit, Holland" Your hot breath fanned over his skin, setting his skin on fire. Making his blood boil. You had a way of doing that, of bringing out the worst in him. Of making him lose control. And you thoroughly enjoyed it, poking at the bear until the claws came out, laughing at the carnage.

Another step, and you could physically feel it: The hate, radiating from his every pore, his mind screaming with it. He hated you. He hated your kind. He hated your beauty. He hated the pretty white dress you were wearing, so pure and innocent, glowing like a beacon in the dark. A lure, guiding uncountable men before him into perdition. 

But above all else, he hated that, even then, he couldn't help but to want you. Fervently. Desperately. Irreversibly. 

"I came here to make a deal" He croaked, cursing himself internally for showing weakness. 

"Let's negotiate, then," you replied, stepping away, mercifully letting him breath. 

"My brother-"

"I know" You interrupted, sounding bored already, "Reapers everywhere are going berserk. Who, oh who, will get to reap the soul of a Holland?" 

The wind picked up, making your long dress billow around your legs. You twirled a little, admiring the way it moved. Tom's eyes were glued to you, almost hypnotized. Partly because you were too dangerous to be left unsupervised even for a second, partly because you looked beautiful like that. It had never been more obvious to him that you were an unearthly creature, you didn't belong to this world. There, surrounded by greenery, barefoot, swaying softly under the twilight light, he wondered how could anybody ever mistake you for a human.

"Of course" your apathetic voice took him out of his revery, "being reapers, watching them go wild is rather boring. I swear they are the most uninteresting beings of all creation" 

That made him see red.

"Boring? Boring?!" He knew his voice was rising with every word but he just couldn't help it, "They're waiting for my little brother to die!!"

"Which could happen any minute now," You reminded him, all playfulness gone from your demeanor, "so if you wanna strike a deal, I suggest you start making me an offer worth my time"  

He was taken aback by that.

"I- My soul in exchange of a wish, and you collect it in ten years" He tried and failed not to think about what that implied: vicious, invisible hounds of hell tearing apart his body and dragging his soul to hell, "Isn't that the usual deal?"

You scoffed,

"After all the things you did in your life, what makes you think your soul doesn't belong in hell already? And if your brother dies, that is one less Holland on earth to worry about. You and your brothers have managed to become a big pain in the ass for us…"

He pulled out a knife, a strange one, with runes in the blade. You arched a brow in recognition

"The Winchesters' knife. Are you threatening me, little hunter?" 

Your lack of reaction was another blow. He had hoped you'd be more impressed than that. Nonetheless he turned it in his hands, offering you the handle.

"I'm throwing it into the deal" 

To his surprise, you didn't immediately take it from his hands, choosing instead to pace the clearing, deep in thought. 

The truth was you couldn't care less about the knife, it wasn't more dangerous to you than a toothpick. And while it was true it could certainly damage your queen, she had a far better weapon to protect herself: You.

But it did confirm your suspicions about the Hollands having access to the old Winchester arsenal, which meant they had access to something way more dangerous than that rustic weapon made of steel and bone. A book, made of ancient dark magic and human skin, written in blood. A book that was precious to queen Rowena and by extension to you: the Book of the Damned. 

The Hollands were a family of extremely talented, yes, but old fashioned hunters. The stab first, ask questions later kind. They probably had no idea what they had in their hands… but you did. 

"Very well then," you finally declared, "this is my offer: Your soul and that knife in exchange for sweet Harry's life and one year for you to get all your businesses in order" 

Tom felt all the blood drain from his face. One year. Just 365 more days to live, before an eternity of torture in hell. 

"O-one year?" He breathed.

"One year" You confirmed, "More than enough time to go see the Grand Canyon, eat the world's spiciest burger or whatever you have on your bucket list" 

The disdain in your words only made him hate you harder.

"Not nearly enough to live" He replied through clenched teeth. You rolled your eyes, 

"You're a hunter. You lead short, violent existences, charging head first towards what most humans run away from. Things faster, stronger, more powerful than you, surviving each encounter out of sheer luck. Killing one monster after another, until that luck runs out. Because the monsters? Unlike you who rely on it everyday, they just need. One. Single. Lucky. Strike." You punctuated every word with one step in his direction, until you were face to face again. Until, for the first time ever, you could see the fear, the desperating hopelessness he kept hidden inside, reflected on the warm coffee of his eyes. You knew a lesser man would be already crying and begging for Mercy.

Tom wasn't like other men though, that was the whole point. 

"Or…" You soften your tone and your stance, letting your fingers ghost over the back of his hand, his whole skin erupting in goosebumps. That was the very first time you touched him. Ever. 

And it was as if nobody had ever touched him before, the light caress enough to set every nerve ending, every single one of his cells, alight.

He was so distracted by the sensation and his body's response to it, he almost didn't hear your next words over the sound of his own pounding heart. 

"Or you could keep your little pocket knife, and even have your ten years if…"

"If?" He struggled to focus.

"You let me borrow a book"

His brows furrowed in confusion,

"A book? What book?"

"Any book of my liking, for as long as I want" You shrugged it off, "Do we have a deal?"

There was a catch there, it was obvious. He knew he was going to regret it but, what choice did he have? 

"Deal"

Your smile was blinding, luminous. If he didn't know any better, he would have called it angelical. Now, that was one ridiculous thought.

"What now? We seal it with a kiss?" His eyes fell to your lips, so soft looking and inviting. He wasn't eager to put his mouth on a filthy demon and doom himself. He wasn't. 

You chuckled, but there was no humor behind it.

"Oh no, darling. This is big. This is special" You're special, "A simple kiss just won't cut it…"

No. You couldn't mean… could you? Was there no limits to your hatred for him? Did you really want him so defeated, so humiliated? 

"What do you want?" He spat through gritted teeth.

"The same thing you want" You put your hands on his chest, rising to your tiptoes to whisper in his ear, "The same thing you have wanted ever since we first met . The thing that's obsessing you..."

"I don't know what you're talking about"

You smirked,

"You can lie to your family, you can even lie to yourself, little hunter... But you can't lie to me." 

He couldn't hide, you could see every fantasy, hear every single one of his thoughts of you on repeat, like a prayer in your direction. Just like he couldn't hide the way his skin was burning now for you, the way his blood rushed south, the way all logical thought left his brain, his iron grip on his emotions finally breaking as he snapped. 

Lightning fast, in just a blink, he twirled you around, your back hitting the rough bark of a tree, as he towered over you, demon blade to your throat, every inch of his body pressed against yours. His eyes were ablazed with rage, and passion, as he surged forward, striking you with his best hit.

He kissed you. 

Lips vicious against yours, teeth biting and scraping only to soothe the offense seconds later with his tongue, until he was dizzy, light headed with the lack of oxygen and the taste of you. The hand not holding the knife to your neck fell to your breast, squeezing the pliant flesh with enough force to cause pain on a human woman, merely making you moan. He swallowed the sound, letting his fingers trace your waist, your hips, clawing at your dress until he finally, finally, felt skin under his fingertips. 

It was better than anything his mind had conjured in his feverish fantasies in the dead of the night. The skin of your inner thighs velvety soft, as they parted under his touch, the sweetest sounds leaving your lips as his fingers found your naked core. You weren't wearing any underwear, probably never had. The realization that, in all your past encounters and fights you had been standing there, just feet away from him with nothing under that damn dress hit him like a truck, making his head swim. 

He searched between your folds, and suddenly his fingers were inside you. He was inside you, a part of him was buried deep within you, within your silky heat, claiming you as his, if only for the night. 

And you were so wet for him, and only getting wetter as he pumped his fingers in and out of you, scissoring them, opening you up until he was able to slip a third one in, fucking you with his hand in earnest. You were sobbing, clutching at his biceps, head thrown back in pleasure. He took advantage of that to suck bruises on your neck, only to see them fade before his eyes. Your skin tasted clean, smelled like wild flowers and rain. Ozone. Lightning. Like those coursing through his veins with every cry, every delicious gasp you made. 

He found the perfect spot inside you, the one that sent sparks through your nerves with every stroke of his calloused fingers. 

"This what you wanted?" To make him lose it? Lose his mind, himself, in you? "For me to make you come on just my fingers, like the little slut you are?"

The floor disappeared from under his feet as you sent him flying away from you, a searing pain exploding at the back of his head as he landed, sprawled at the feet of an old, dying oak. With blurry eyes, he saw you stalk towards him, all power and cold, controlled fury. 

"Let's get one thing straight, Holland. I'm not one of your sluts" You sneered, "and I'm definitely not your basic bitch of a girlfriend. So you better start showing me a little respect, are we clear?"

He gulped, sitting up. He had to be seriously fucked up in the head, for his cock to be twitching inside his pants at your threatening tone.

"Crystal" 

"Good" You declared, coming to a stop right in front of him, standing between his parted legs, "Now, let's put that mouth of yours to a better use"

He knew that image was going to be forever tattooed on his brain: You standing in front of him, holding the skirt of your dress up, waiting for him to put his mouth on you. Tom took a moment to admire you, before delving in, flattening his tongue over your slit, before drawing tight, precise circles on your clit with the tip. God, you tasted so divine it was messing with his head; something as dark and corrupted and twisted as you, feeling so exquisite, so perfect, so heavenly to his every sense. 

He helped you hook your knee over his shoulder, his other arm snaking around your leg, pulling you even closer. You could feel his smirk against your cunt the moment he realized your legs were shaking, but you couldn't find it in yourself to care, not with his wicked talented mouth devouring you like a last meal, rocking your whole world, making you see stars behind your closed eyelids.

You always knew that man would make the stars fall. 

Tom kept on, penetrating you with his tongue as far as it would go, his whole face moving against you. The slight burn of his scruff felt delicious against your delicate labia, as he used his fingers to open you up like a flower, separating your petals to get to the delectable nectar inside. You were close, he could feel it, the obscene sounds you were making, the waves of sweetness falling on his lips feeding his ego, filling him up with pride. By the time the night was over, you'd be unable to forget him. He would make sure of that. He would make you come, over and over, until the only thoughts left in your brain were of him, the only word your lips knew how to speak was his name. He would mark you, like a bloodstain, like you had done to him. 

Almost there, he almost had you. Your muscles were locking, your walls starting to tremble, when a loud crack resonated over his head, and you stepped away on unstable legs, breathing hard. You didn't even need to breathe, it was just his effect on you. He made you feel human. And it was both exhilarating, and terrifying. 

You took another step back, but he took hold of your ankle, tugging hard enough to make you fall on his lap, white skirt covering the place where his hands were fumbling with his zip, with his boxers, aligning himself with your entrance.

"Fuck!" He cursed, as you sank on his rock hard cock, not giving him any time to get used to the feeling of you around him, before starting to move. 

"How does it feel" You taunted, "fucking a monster? Is it as good as you dreamed of?"

Better. You felt even better. Tom hadn't thought it was possible, but he loathed you even more for it. 

"Shut up" He growled. 

You leaned forwards, breath hot against his ear,

"Cause you feel amazing, Tom. Your cock feels like heaven" 

His hand tangled in your hair, keeping you in place as he crashed his mouth to yours again, the other fumbling for the buttons at the back of your dress, tugging and pulling, tearing at the fabric, in his haste to feel more. More of your skin against his, more of the body that had been his hyper fixation for far too long. 

You sat up, still grinding on his cock, letting the tattered dress fall to your waist, watching in satisfaction as his eyes went wide, zeroing on the way your breasts bounced in sync with your hips. 

Reaching up, for a glorious second Tom could feel one perfect pebbled nipple against his palm, the roundness, the weight of your soft flesh on his fingers; before an invisible force pinned his hands to his sides. 

You tsked.

"Still don't get it, do you little hunter? This?" You let yourself fall all the way down his thick cock, hard, tearing twin moans from his mouth and yours, "This isn't about you. This is about me." 

Leaning back, you braced yourself on his strong thighs, changing the angle, changing your movements to a slower rocking against his pelvis. The friction against your clit was perfect, the feeling of his big, throbbing dick so deep inside you, stretching you like no one before, sending electrical pulses through your spine. It was decadent. It was ecstasy.

It was torture. Underneath you, Tom was sobbing, eyes bright with unshed tears, fighting in vain against his bonds. He needed it faster, harder, anything to help tilt him over the edge you were keeping him on, your sweet cunt too tight, too good around him to allow his cock to soften, your rhythm too leisured to let the tensed, strained coil inside him to snap. You were uncaring, using him remorselessly to get yourself off, your little moans getting higher in pitch the closer you came to your climax. Tom felt himself getting higher just by looking at your beautiful pleasure ridden face. You cried out, and suddenly it was happening, you were coming, pulsating around his cock, falling apart on top of him.

And the ground beneath him quaked. The sky above his head bled, the blue twilight torn open by lightning, and thunder, despite the fact that there wasn't a single cloud marring its diaphaneity. You fell forwards, hand braced on the tree, next to his face, ridding the aftershocks of your orgasm until the end. 

"No!" Tom cried when, after a few seconds of catching your breath, you dismounted him, letting his dick slip out of you. 

You arched a brow,

"Something you want, Tommy?" 

He locked his mouth shut, gritting his teeth. You smiled, amused, knuckles stroking his still iron hard cock.

"Do you need more, little hunter?" You enveloped him in your hand, moving it up and down his member, watching the head disappear under his foreskin, "Do you need to come?"

He banged the back of his head against the bark.

"Yes!" He finally admitted, "So badly…"

"Then beg" You commanded, stilling your hand. He snapped open the eyes he hadn't realized he had closed. Oh, if looks could kill…

"Never" He hissed, livid.

"Very well, then" You picked up your pace, pumping him fast, your grip almost too rough. He gasped for air, feeling the telltale tightening of his balls, the coil inside just about to break under the tension. But you must have felt it too, cause your hand let go of him altogether. Too late, he understood what you were doing.

One beat. And then another, and he was coming all over his t-shirt, orgasm completely ruined. 

He cursed, tears escaping through the corner of his eyes, fingers digging into the moist ground under his hands. You chuckled, cruelly, standing up and stepping out of your shredded dress. He could have ganked you with the demon blade in that moment, he really could have, except his hands were still pinned by an invisible force at his sides. 

"Let me go, you bitch," Tom growled, tossing, fighting against his restraints to no avail, "aren't you done?!"

"Not quite." You smiled, mockingly sweet, "Just one more thing before I leave. Don't worry, it will only hurt for a minute…"

He renewed his efforts to escape, as you bended over, reaching for his chest, white hot pain burning through his ribs. He almost cried out, but what he saw stole the voice from his throat, turned his blood into ice inside his veins, leaving him shaking, jaw slack and mouth open in a soundless scream: 

You, naked and gorgeous and terrible. Transfixed, eyes glowing with a supernatural indigo light, the shadow of two massive, bended, broken wings projected on the trees behind you.

Not a demon, he thought. You're not a demon.

You smiled, and it was terrifying.

"No. I'm the thing demons have nightmares about" You replied out loud to the words he had only said in his mind, "And now, little hunter, you belong to me. Mind, body and soul"

[grayblacklight]

Something vaguely resembling a masterpost

I know, I can't believe it either, but it's finally in the Team Flashdark budget! How was our budget so low that we couldn't put up a proper masterpost? Sorry, but I swore not to talk about the potato incident.

Anyway, I am Gray Blacklight (he/him), certified non-supervillain and leader of the amazing, totally-not-a-criminal-organization Team Flashdark! Allow me to tell you a bit about myself and what to expect from my blog;

While I don't watch a lot of TV shows or movies, I do enjoy a lot of them. Even with a lot of the ones I don't like, I try to and often can understand why others do, which is something that I'm quite glad I can do - I love hearing people gush over things they love even if I don't care for the same thing. While I myself don't really like most DreamWorks movies, that doesn't mean I can't appreciate how great MegaMind is.

Of course, when I do enjoy a show or movies, I often adore them (Epithet Erased is one of the greatest things ever created and you should watch it). I am patently waiting for Gwain Saga 009 and find myself rewatching Spaceballs several times a year.

That said, what I really love are good video games, heck I kinda collect them.

I am a huge fan of pokémon, especially James, though the switch entries have really made me lose faith in new games. I can't really choose a favorite Pokemon, but I'm a sucker for cute things and am one of the few people who don't consider the babies a waste of data- hell, it was Pichu in Melee giving me a cuteness overload that got me to pick up pokemon X and give it a shot.

I really enjoy a lot of Nintendo games in general, with a particular fascination with retro games and how they do so much with so little. Many of my favorite games are for the DS, but I don't think newer or older games are necessarily better, with Splatoon and Deltarune being all-time favorites of mine, and having put way to much time into 30XX for a game that doesn't exist yet.

Still, with games like Mario kart DS, pokémon gens 4+5, Kirby super star ultra, earthbound, paper Mario the thousand year door, Mario and Luigi superstar saga, sonic 3 and knuckles, shantae, megaman zero 3, super Mario 64 DS, plants vs zombies 1, and so many more, I pity anyone who looked at specs of the latest consoles and assumed that there's no reason to look back.

I also love fan games and rom hacks of many kinds, (I wish I was better at getting them to work) and genuinely believe that the lack of support and respect creators and artists get is terrible. If I mention something that you haven't heard of, I hope you take a look, and always remember that artists are people with needs and wants- they need breaks and money and fun and health and sleep and food, and I hate that so many people choose to ignore that.

Anyway, aside from the reblogging, ranting, and shitposting I do on my main, I have some sideblogs that I make for fun:

The Epithet Erased GunSafety!!!!AU ( @epitheterasedgunsafetyau )(the extra exclamation points are to emphasize how important gun safety is) where I put my headcanons about my favorite show of all time and occasionally describe what things would be like if Molly was a gun safety enthusiast (and by extension the most powerful character in the show).

Hacker's Jpeg reviews ( @hackerjpegreviews ), on the other hand, is a Collab I do with Hacker Deltarune where you can submit your strongest Jpegs and we'll comment on them and give a rating using the same scoring system as Calvinball. I'm also going to make a poll tournament to determine the true strongest jpeg, whenever I get enough entries- I'm always taking submissions!

There's also SMB Super Showdown (@smb-super-showdown ), where I post intentionally stupid playground 'who would win' polls to quench the insatiable thirst for violence that I don't have because I am not evil, and to help the winners achieve GLOOORY!

And then there's The Rollinka Agenda (@therollinkaagenda ), which is just a normal ship-dedicated blog and definitely not an evil scheme to make Roll x Kalinka canon.

I also may record myself playing a game on YouTube, just for fun. I don't do it often and wish I did it more, but I rarely have the time these days, and my computer is fighting me every step of the way whenever I try to do something new with it- heck, sometimes it won't let me do things that I've done before.

Still, I hope some of y'all get a chuckle or two out of my stuff, It would make all this typing that I suck at worth it <3

(P.S. Before interacting, please know that if you are: anti LGBTQ+, racist, sexist, Zionist, anti abortion, against gun control, a map/proshitter/whatever the fuck pedophiles are calling themselves these days, or support the American government, I hope you lose a card game and get sent directly to super hell.)

[fictionalrambles]

Shadowhunters Fandom Story - Part Fifteen

Submitted by jwrites_

Five Favourite Fics:

1. What's It Gonna Be by @lemonoclefox

Why I love this fic: I'm a sucker for Pride & Prejudice. San was able to take that dynamic and put it all in a modern day telling of it. I can't count how many times I've read this. Sometimes I read it all the way through, other times I go and find my favorite parts just to get that rush of emotions it never fails to give. The enemies to lovers is done perfectly, the dialogue is great and flows seamlessly, the way she tied in the storyline between Simon, Isabelle, Valentine, and Alec together was genius. I truly love every word of this story.

Favorite scene: Awkward - love - confession - in -  the -  rain

Favorite quote(s):

(Yes. Love confessions are great but have you ever overheard someone say something rude about you and then have the opportunity later that same night to be able to casually call that person out for their comment?)

"Her friend is..." He trails off, as though searching for the word, and Magnus can imagine him gesturing in the meantime. "Interesting," Jace eventually settles on, pointedly.

"Who, that Bane guy?" Alec says, and as he does, Magnus is hit with a wave of intrigued surprise. Does Alec like men? Interesting. The assumption could be wrong, of course, but Jace's tone implies that that's why he's mentioning it. "He's a bit over the top, don't you think?"

He sounds almost disdainful as he says it, as though Jace's mere suggestion is laughable, and Magnus's intrigue immediately shifts to offended annoyance. He straightens a little where he stands, reluctantly affected by it.

--

"I mean, love songs are great," Magnus admits lightly. "But stringing a few pretty words together does seem a bit unoriginal when everyone does it."

Simon shoves him lightly in offense, and Magnus can't help but laugh.

"Then what do you suggest?" Magnus is taken completely by surprise when he realizes that it's Alec who's speaking, and he turns to him. The guy's expression is neutral, but seems genuinely curious.

"Oh, I don't know," Magnus says, swirling his drink around in his glass. He shrugs. "I suppose I'm more a fan of showing and not telling. I'd much prefer someone showing interest in what I like and who I am, than comparing my eyes to the night sky, and whatnot." He gestures airily, then hesitates. He suddenly can't seem to stop himself, the memory of the Lightwoods' overheard conversation bubbling to the surface. "I think most people can appreciate that. Even if some of us are a bit over the top."

--Okay...I'm gonna go ahead and throw in a love confession~

"Look, I don't expect anything from you," he says, as though the words are hard to say. "You've made your feelings pretty clear, and I respect that. But I heard you talked to my mom, and with the stuff you said to her... I guess it just kind of made me a bit hopeful, or something. A bit." He clears his throat, while Magnus just listens. He turns to watch Alec's profile as the young man struggles to find the words, eyes on the view in front of him. "Either way, I'll admit that how I feel hasn't really changed. Maybe it should have, but..."

Alec shakes his head, and Magnus feels his throat go dry. He wants to interrupt Alec, wants to say and show everything that's bursting out of his chest, but he waits. Alec takes a deep breath then, turns to him. He looks determined.

"If you want me to," he says steadily, "I'll go. I'll leave you alone, I promise. You won't hear from me again." He pauses, licks his lips. "But if you don't want me to, if something has changed since last time, somehow... I'd really like to know. Because that would be pretty great."

2. 42 North 71 West by @lecrit​

Why I love this fic: I was blessed with the opportunity to witness Lu working on this fic from its conception to its end. I was there and still I am blown away at the way she was able to work the time jumps. I remember thinking with every chapter I read, 'Wow. The way she is telling this story is amazing. She is amazing.' Lu has a way of presenting so much honesty in her characters. She writes them in a way that feels so real, that you can't help but understand their fears and hesitations even though it hurts. The story is a back and forth told through scenes set in the past and present. You get to see what they were and where they are. The story is beautifully heartbreaking. And she was able to make me enjoy a story that dealt with politics? What? Sorcery, I tell you. -- also, the bench.

Favorite scene: This was almost impossible to choose and I took way too long trying to pinpoint just one. But I'm going to go with one that I hold very dear. When Magnus goes to visit Alec on his birthday and he finds Alec playing the song he only plays when he's sad. That's all I'm going to say because I don't want to spoil~

Favorite quote(s):

“Magnus,” Alec breathes out.

The name feels almost foreign, as if he hadn’t uttered it in too long and now his mind is troubling to catch up with his mouth. Still, it manages to make Alec’s heart stutter.

--

“We should’ve stayed on that bench in Boston,” he murmurs.

--

The good thing is, he knows where to go to find his way back. It is inked on his body, engraved into his soul, sealed into his heart.

3. Lead The Way by Clockworkswan

Why I love this fic: Because it takes the wonderful adventure of Doctor Who and packs it in with Malec. This is the ultimate fun and feel good but you will also cry at one point fic. I always go back to it if I want a wonderfully written Doctor Magnus and his adorable companion Alec. Seriously, even if you're not into Doctor Who, give this fic a shot. It's written in a way that you will get so caught up in the adventure that you won't even realize it's based on something else. And if you're a Doctor Who fan, you're in luck with all the little Easter Eggs Heather left throughout.

Favorite scene: I really don't want to spoil anything. The planet of Ablorix. This will mean nothing if you don't read the fic (so you should ;])

Favorite quote(s):

Magnus extends a hand. It’s just like before, when they were in the hallway a couple of weeks ago. It’s just as inviting as it was the first time.

“How about it, pretty boy? Name a star. Any one will do. Or a date,” Magnus says. The double meaning is evident when he winks. He pauses then, and his expression shifts, growing solemn.

A clear shift in his demeanour happens. Magnus turns from playful to sincere in the blink of an eye. Although, there was also a serious tone to it. Magnus looks at him, and understanding eyes meet Alec’s hesitant ones. “Alexander, you seem like a man in need of a break, and I am very much a man in need of a friend. Adventures are always a quick way in figuring out what you want. What do you say?”

What does he say?

He says yes.

Of course Alec does.

--

Before Magnus can think of a good retort, he tries to ignore the clenching ache his stomach gives at the sight of a confident, smirking Alec Lightwood watching him so openly. He settles for pointing in a random direction. “I have to go and see a dog about a man. Meet back here in five?”

“Uh, isn’t the expression, ‘see a man about a dog’?”

“Not when the dog ran off with the man’s wife. A rather big scandal, it seems. The president wants me to try and step in. Smooth things over, so to speak.”

At that, Alec just stares blankly.

Magnus holds up a finger. “Yes, this is normal for me. No, you may not come along. Go.”

4. Love & Other Drugs prequel of Our Love Is A Harsh Chord in the Semi-charmed Kind Life series by @la-muerta​

Why I love this fic: I'm kind of cheating here by listing two fics but they're a package deal. Love & Other Drugs was a smutty one-shot that left me wanting

more...

backstory. Let me tell you the pining and 'unrequited' love between those two demanded a story to be written. Which is why when la_muerta ran a poll on whether or not she should start it or another series first, I campaigned for this one like it was my job (I lost but I still got the series eventually so did I really lose?) The writing in this and with all of la_muerta's fics will hook you. The sadness over the back and forth between them is done so well. It's angst that will grip you and hold onto you until you eventually finish. Just go on the twitter hashtag of #OLIAHCfic and see my screaming.

Favorite scene: Probably the LSD scene.

Favorite quote(s):

Alec was still here, in bed with him.

How many times had Magnus wished that he could wake up with Alec in his arms? He didn't dare to move, wanting the dream to last a little longer, but Alec was already stirring.

--

he'll wonder if life would be a little easier if he wasn't hopelessly in love with Magnus, but it is a fact of who he is now: Alec Lightwood is 6'3, has dark hair, is gay, and is in love with Magnus Bane.

--

They are lying next to each other now, turned on their sides and face to face. The world is no longer warped and weird, but glowing and perfect. Magnus is tracing a path of lightning down Alec's body with his fingertips, and in a moment of clarity Alec understands that in Magnus' eyes he is as beautiful as he thinks Magnus is (it is the first thing Alec forgets when he wakes up sober later).

--

Words aren't enough to express how he feels, but they've always understood each other better when clumsy words don't get in the way.

5. The Lonely Hearts Hotline by @unrestrainedlyexcessive​

Why I love this fic: It's funny, it's endearing, it's heart wrenching, it's sexy, etc. The way Alec is written in this fic is one of my favorite characterizations. The way his situation can resonate with so many young adults today. That feeling when you're an adult and you feel like you should know what to do with your life and who you should be but the truth is, you're still just as lost as always. Being an adult sucks tbh and even when you're an adult, sometimes life doesn't quite feel like it. Alec's character and growth in this fic is beautiful. (I also really loved Jace in this fic)

Favorite scene: A tough choice. Probably the office party and follow up scene in Magnus' office.

Favorite quote(s):

The problem with being a new grad, in general, is that the world and job force demands you have experience, but you have to live a certain number of productive years on the planet to gain that experience.

Early adulthood is no man's land. You don’t have the experience to matter and no one wants to pay you to gain it, hence how he ended up in the precarious situation he’s in: dodgy sex work by night, an even dodgier roommate, and desperately hoping an internship eventually turns into an actual paying job.

--

Magnus runs his tongue down the knobs of Alec's spine. "You're so beautiful," he says, pausing.

"I'm really not," Alec insists, eyes fluttering closed.

"Why are you so kind to everyone except yourself?"

"I'm a work in progress."

"Aren't we all?"

[woossexyponytail]

The Triwizard Champion.

Yunho x reader.

Y/n got off the train with the rest of the school students, hearing someone yelling her name she stopped and turned around seeing her friend running up to her smiling.

"Hey, excited for this year yn?" Her friend Chaeyoung asked from the left of her, yn nodded, "Yes actually, I heard that Hogwarts are homing the Triwizard Tournaments" she said excitement in her voice, Chaeyoung's mouth opened wide in shock.

"Are you serious?! That's awesome!!" She yelled throwing her hands up in the air, yn shushed her putting her finger to her lips, "Not so loud, we're not aloud to know yet" she said Chaeyoung brow raised hands on her hips.

"How do you know about it then?" She asked, yn rolled her eyes, typical Chaeyoung forgetting information like normal, "My father" she said Chaeyoung ohed remembering.

Just then students started running over to the side in shock or amazement, both yn and Chaeyoung looked at each other running over to see what everyone was looking at.

In the sky was a carriage that was being pulled by five white Abraxan horses, it skimmed over the treetops of the Forbidden Forest and the lights shining from the castle windows hit it, yn stood there in awe at the beautiful creatures.

"Clear the runway!" Yelled Hagrid as he guided the Abraxans safely to ground, "Well, there's something you don't see every day." Chaeyoung said looking over at yn.

"Hey!, what's that over there?!" One of the students yelled pointing at the lake, everyone ran over to the other side, watching a large ship, almost like a pirate ship that was rising from the water. The moment it surfaced it bobbed along the glistening lake.

"Wow" someone yelled as the students all watched the ship port by the lake house, water still dripping down from the ship as tons of male students walked out.

"I think the cats out of the bag now" Chaeyoung laughed along with yn as they both started walking in to Hogwarts.

As the two carried on walking, a group of eight boys stood near the entrance talking amongst themselves, one of the boys the tallest one looked up noticing yn walk past him.

"Evening yn!" The boy yelled at her gaining some attention from other students, yn looked around noticing Yunho waving at her with a sweet smile on his face, the girl scoffed rolling her eyes and walking off with Chaeyoung giggling next to her.

Yunho's face fell as he watched her walk away without greeting him, again, for the seventh year in a row, the guys next to him laughed while others smiled sadly at him patting his shoulder.

"I don't see why you ignore Yunho, he's nice" Chaeyoung said after the two got to the dungeon walking to their dorm.

"He's a Gryffindor, I'm a Slytherin, we are enemies" yn said sighing, every year she has to repeat herself to Chaeyoung about Yunho and she still asks seven years later.

"Yeah but that was old news, after you know who was defeated there has been no competition between the two house's" Chaeyoung said yn shock her head.

"My family are still set in the old ways, and you know that, the moment word gets out that I'm friendly with a Gryffindor my parents will lose it" yn sigh again, but thankfully it looked like Chaeyoung dropped the conversation, for now at least.

The two ended up making their way to the great hall for dinner chatter was bubbling about who the people were from earlier.

Seonghwa a slytherin in your year, and friends with that gryffindor Yunho, was sat next to yn, Chaeyoung infront of yn the three talking about the Abraxans.

Chatter got quiet as professor McGonagall stood up to the owl stand, raising her arms to silence the students. Everyone looked her way waiting for what she had to say.

"Well, now we're all settled in and sorted, I'd like to make an announcement. This castle will not only be your home this year but home to some very special guests as well. You see, Hogwarts has been chosen." She said chatter building up again.

"Hogwarts has been chosen to host a legendary event: The Triwizard Tournament." She announced, chatter getting louder by the second out of excitement.

"For those of you who do not know the Triwizard Tournament brings together three schools for a series of magical contests. From each school, a single student is selected to compete.

Now let me be clear. If chosen, you stand alone. And trust me when I say these contests are not for the faint-hearted." Professor McGonagall said looking at the students.

"But more of that later. For now, please join me in welcoming the ladies of the Beauxbatons Academy of Magic and their headmistress, Madame Maxime." Professor McGonagall said.

The door opened revealing a large group of young females, dressed in baby blue silk dresses, the same colour hats on their heads. The girls skipped forward then stopped sighing as butterflies fluttered around them.

Behind them was a very tall woman guessing it was the headmistress Madame Maxime, the group all got to the front of the hall, bowing down. The hall erupted with cheers and whistles, mostly from the male students.

Yn and Chaeyoung looked at each other both rolling their eyes at their action for the Beauxbatons students, knowing quite well the reason for their happiness.

"And now our friends from the north. Please greet the proud sons of Durmstrang and their high master, Harfang Munter" professor McGonagall said turning to the door again.

The door opened, now showing a group of young males students, they were wearing fur cloaks, fur hats, and blood-red robes.

Marching down the great hall large wooded polls in their hands chanting while hitting them to the floor causing sparks.

As they got to the front one of the students knelt down blowing fire out, the fire transformed in to the same bird that was painted on their ship.

The two schools sat down most of the Durmstrang students sitting at the slytherin table, while Beauxbatons students sat scattered around the hall, some with Ravenclaw, a few with Hufflepuff and the rest with Gryffindor.

"Your attention, please! I'd like to say a few words." Professor McGonagall said all the students settled down.

"Eternal glory. That is what awaits the student who wins the Triwizard Tournament. But to do this, that student must survive three tasks. Three extremely dangerous tasks."

"For this reason, the Ministry has seen fit to impose for their own safety no student under the age of 17 shall be allowed to put forth their name for the Triwizard Tournament."

"The Goblet of Fire. Anyone wishing to submit themselves to the tournament need only write their name upon a piece of parchment and throw it in the flame before this hour on Thursday night.

Do not do so lightly. If chosen, there's no turning back. As from this moment, the Triwizard Tournament has begun." Professor McGonagall said looking at all of the students hoping they take it seriously.

_________________________________________

It was Thursday evening all three shcools surrounded the goblet that was standing tall in the middle of the great hall, yn and Chaeyoung sat near the front gossiping about the tasks.

To the right of yn sat Seonghwa and the rest of his friends sitting aound him, Yunho was just behind Seonghwa, mostly staring at yn until San elbowed him in the side while he giggled with Wooyoung when they saw Yunho blush.

The teacher's started piling in talking to some of the students, a few getting excited themselves, Professor McGonagall came walking in last getting the attention of everyone.

"Sit down. Please. Now the moment you've all been waiting for: The champion selection." She yelled throwing up her arms, the room exploded in cheers and hollers

Professor McGonagall raised her hand making the fire and candles dim down for the atmosphere. The goblet's blue flame rose, fire spinning around almost like a dance. The fire spat out a piece of burnt paper, Professor McGonagall caught it.

"The Durmstrang champion is Herrick Schmidt" she yelled as the room cheered, watching the student walk towards the Professor, she handed the paper to him congratulating him as he walked off.

"The champion for Beauxbatons is Esmé Caron" McGonagall yelled looking around for the girl as she also stood up and took the paper walking the same way as Herrick.

"The Hogwarts champion Jeong Yunho" McGonagall said looking over at him smiling, his group of friends erupted in to cheer, Yunho smiled high fiving the Hogwart students.

Yn clapped along with the rest of the people in the room, but she was shocked Yunho a Triwizard champion? She felt her chest tighten not know why, Chaeyoung noticed her change in mood and so did Seonghwa.

"Excellent! We now have our three champions. But in the end, only one will go down in history. Only one will hoist this chalice of champions this vessel of victory the Triwizard Cup!" Professor McGonagall said as some of the teachers showed the cup that was glowing.

This was going to be a dangerous year at Hogwarts for Yunho and yn was anxious about what layed ahead.

_________________________________________

The first task was in a few days, non of the champions knowing what to prepare for as they were all asking people, you tried to ignore them focusing on homework.

Yn sat in the great hall writing down some notes from her previous class, Chaeyoung and Seonghwa came walking up to her and sat down next to her, Chaeyoung watching her write while Seonghwa stared at her.

Feeling his eyes on her she looked up a questioning look on her face, Seonghwa realised he was staring he looked down apologising.

"Are you going to ask her or do I have too?" Chaeyoung asked looking over at Seonghwa as did yn.

"Apologise yn, but your father works for the ministry of magic correct?" He asked she nodded her head, "Well I was wondering if you knew about the first task, since Yunho's pretty stuck" he asked, yn stared at him in shock.

"I don't know what it is, but if I did I wouldn't tell because I will not help you or Yunho cheat" she said slamming her book and storming off, Seonghwa and Chaeyoung looked back at eachother, Chaeyoung just shrugged at him.

Yn had no idea what the first task was and she was pretty sure that her father would go mental at her if she asked, knowing the fact that Yunho hadn't found out made her anxious again.

Maybe telling him would help her nerves about the whole thing, but who would know about the first task?, a thought came to mind the only person who not only knew but would tell her, Hagrid.

Yn walked down to Hagrid's hut knocking on the door Hagrid opened up smiling at her.

"Yn what a nice visit, come in come in, what brings you here?" He asked, yn sat down on the over sized chair petting fang on the head, she sighed looking at Hagrid.

"You don't suppose I could know what the first task is, do you?" She asked puppy dog eyes playing, hopefully that would work.

"Hmm, I don't suppose why not, I know you wouldn't tell people. They have to deal with a dragon, one for each of them, hopefully there won't be any deaths or burns, the same dragon's from a few years back, when Harry Potter won" Hagrid said passing a cup of tea to her, she nodding thanking him for the tea.

At dinner yn walked in to the great hall, she made the decision of telling Yunho, so she quickly walked over to the Gryffindor table where Yunho was sitting with Jongho and San.

"Dragons. That's the first task. They've got one for each of you" yn whispered in Yunho ear a hand on his shoulder, he looked up at her a smile on his face.

"Thank you!" He said his smile getting wider the longer he looked at her, she nodded her head walking over to her table sitting down next to Chaeyoung and Seonghwa.

Chaeyoung smiled at yn along with Seonghwa, yn looked back and forth between the two sighing she rolled her eyes "Oh, shut up" she said starting to eat her dinner Chaeyoung giggled while Seonghwa chuckled at her.

_________________________________________

It was the day of the first task and yn was walking down to the stadium with Chaeyoung wondering what would happen today.

They got to their seats sitting down, Seonghwa was already there with the rest of the group, they all greeted her, Yunho probably told them what she did for him.

"Thank you for telling him, he's been less nervous now because of you" Seonghwa said a small smile showing, yn shrugged not knowing why she did it.

"Your attention, please. This is a great day for all of us. Each of the three tasks involves very considerable danger. Please keep your seats at all times. This will minimize any risks you may be exposed to. I'm sure we all wish our champions. The greatest of luck." Professor McGonagall said walking in to the tent holding the Champions.

"Good day, champions. Gather round, please. Now, you've waited, you've wondered, and at last the moment has arrived. A moment only three of you can fully appreciate." Professor McGonagall said holding out a bag for them to grab something out.

"Yunho, The Welsh Green."

"Herrick. The Chinese Fireball."

"Esmé, The Swedish Short-Snout."

These represent three very real dragons each of which has been given a golden egg to protect. Your objective is simple: Collect the egg. This you must do, for each egg contains a clue without which you cannot hope to proceed to the next task. Any questions?" Professor McGonagall said looking at the three.

"Very well. Good luck, champions. Esmé, at the sound of the cannon, you may--" McGonagall got interrupted by Mr Filch firing the cannon.

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Yunho walked out of the tent as the crowd started cheering for him chanting his name, the crowd became silent watching him.

Yunho looked around the arena not seeing the dragon anywhere, he spotted the egg right away in the middle of the area, the moment he started walking towards it the dragon appeared roaring at him.

He jumped out the way just in time, the crowd ducked a look of shock and horror, the dragon was much much larger the Yunho anticipated.

Yunho ran around the arena bearly getting hit with fire, cuts already showing up on his skin from the times he tripped over the rocky floor.

"YOUR WAND YUNHO!! USE YOUR WAND!!" Wooyoung screamed at him the terror in his eyes was real for his friend, Yunho looked up and nodding getting ready to use his wand.

He also noticed the very worried and scared Yn sitting next to Seonghwa, a small smile showed on his face, happy that she at least was worried about him.

The dragon breathed fire at him, "Protego" he yelled the protection spell the dragon stopped Yunho quickly yelled out another spell "Immobulus" the dragon froze long enough for Yunho to grab the egg.

The crowd erupted with cheers of joy as Yunho held up the egg, as he left the arena.

"Three of our champions have now faced their dragons and so each one of them will proceed to the next task." Professor McGonagall said as everyone cheered.

Yn walked up to Yunho who was surrounded by all of the Hogwarts students congratulating him.

"Congratulations for not dying" yn said to him, the group of friends who were still standing with Yunho all chuckled at their interaction.

"Only thanks to you, if you didn't tell me that dragons was the first task, well I think I would be a bbq kebab" Yunho said a blush on his face a he laughed nervously.

"It was no big deal really" yn smiled at him then walked off from the group, Yunho turned around to his friends a beaming smile on his face.

"One step closer I see" Hongjoon said laughing with the rest Yunho's blush was back on his face as they all teased him.

_____________________________________

A few months have past since the first task and all the students were sitting in the great hall have dinner.

Just before the dessert came Professor McGonagall stood up ready to make a new announcement, probably about the Triwizard tournament.

"The Yule Ball has been a tradition of the Triwizard Tournament since its inception. On Christmas Eve night, we and our guests gather in the Great Hall for a night of well-mannered frivolity.

As representatives of the host school expect each and every one of you to put your best foot forward. And I mean this literally, because the Yule Ball is, first and foremost a dance." Professor McGonagall told the school.

The Hall bubbling with excitement or disappointment Yn and Chaeyoung started talking about the dresses to deep in to the conversation Yn hadn't noticed Yunho staring at her from across the room.

The morning comes quickly as Yn and Chaeyoung sat eating breakfast, Seonghwa came sitting infront of them grabbing some toast.

"So has anyone asked the two of you to the Yule ball yet?" He asked Chaeyoung shock her head no, but Yn nodded telling him that one of the slytherin students from a year up had asked her last night.

A few minutes later Yunho came walking up to the slytherin table smiling down at Yn, holding out his wand Yunho whispered out a spell "Orchideous"

And then a bunch of flowers burst from the tip of his wand, holding the bouquet infront of him, Seonghwa eyes widened shaking his head at Yunho to stop what he was about to do.

"Yn I was wondering if you would like.. that's if you want to accompany me to the ball?" He asked a shy smile, his hand rubbing the back of his neck, Seonghwa face paled sighing at Yunho.

"Oh um, Yunho that's sweet that you asked but I've already got a date to the ball, I'm sorry" Yn said, seeing Yunho's face drop and sadness in his eyes.

"Oh thats ok, um don't worry about it, keep the bouquet" he said as he ran out of the hall, Seonghwa slowly stood up, "Pardon me ladies" he said following Yunho, noticing Hongjoon, Yeosang, San, Mingi, Wooyoung and Jongho all following after.

______________________________________

The Yule ball was starting Yn stood next to her date with Chaeyoung and her date next to her, Yn was wearing a long flowing black dress, with the back exposed matching black heels along with it.

The teachers made the students line up at the door, creating a pathway for the Champions to walk down, the music started as the door opened revealing the three champions and their dates for tonight.

Noticing Yunho had asked a girl from Gryffindor to the dance Yn heart squeezed seeing them together, not knowing why she turned away from them.

The champions all stood with the student surrounding them, Professor Flitwick stated the music and the champions started to dance around, after a few seconds other people started to join in.

Yn's date grabbed her hand as he lead her to the dance floor the two started dancing together, but Yn eyes were constantly on Yunho as he held his date close to him.

She looked away back at her date smiling at him, and missing the moment that Yunho looked over at her jealously in his eyes, watching them dance so close together.

A couple hours later Yn found herself sitting by herself at one of the tables her date ending up ditching her after a couple of dances, not knowing what to do she stood up getting ready to leave.

A fugue stood infront of her, looking up she was shocked to see Yunho smiling at her, rubbing the back of his neck seeming shy again.

"Yn, may I have this dance?" He asked holding out his hand infront of her, she looked around then back at him, smiling up at him she took his hand.

Yunho lead Yn to the dance floor as he placed his hand on her waist and they swayed back and forth.

The two to focused on eachother they didn't notice a small group of their friends watching them smiling.

"About time" Hongjoon said laughing the group smiled chuckling, "I'm surprised actually" Yeosang chuckled going back to their dates.

______________________________________

Yn was studying in the library reading through a couple of books, hearing someone getting frustrated she looked up seeing Yunho looking through the bookshelfs.

"Are you alright Yunho?" Yn asked walking up to him, the boy in question jumped not expecting someone standing next to him, definitely not expecting Yn.

"Oh yeah I'm just looking for something for the next task" he told Yn, still a bit shy from their last encounter.

"Anything I can help with?" She asked, Yunho stared not saying anything, he shock his head "uh sure that would be appreciated" his bright smile back on his face.

"I must find a way to breathe underwater for one hour and recover whatever the Merpeople have taken from me" he said nodding she took in the information.

"Well, there is a type of plant called Gillyweed, the features allow the person who eats it to breathe underwater, but It's said that it's quite painful, or the Bubble head charm?" She suggests to him.

Yunho's eyes widened in surprise his smile brightened as he jumped for joy bringing Yn in to a bear hug squeezing her tightly.

"Yn your truly amazing, I could kiss you!" He said excitement in his voice, the moment he realised what he said though he stopped letting her go a bright red bluch on his cheeks.

"S....sorry I didn't mean-" he was staring at the ground and she cut him off, "Don't worry, just don't die in this task okay" she said, he smiled and nodded.

She walked back to the table with her stuff packing it all away and leaving the library, getting to the door she turned around seeing Yunho watching her, smiling she waved goodbye to him as she disappeared behind the door.

______________________________________

The day was dark and cold, the clouds covered the sky causing a grayish hue across the land, the signs of rain coming around the corner.

The morning of the second task came quicker than Yunho thought, he was standing on the outside of the forbidden forest next to the black lake talking to his friends.

They noticed Chaeyoung walking up by herself no Yn with her, that confused the group as she walked up to them.

"Hey guys, you haven't seen Yn have you, she wasn't in the dorm this morning" she said a frown on her face as she looked around, the group looked at each other then back at her shacking their heads.

"I'm sure she's already at the lake house's, don't worry too much" Seonghwa said putting a hand on her shoulder to confront her.

"Yeah your right, anyways good luck Yunho we're all rooting for you" Chaeyoung smiled at him then walked off towards the boats.

"You really think Yn is okay?" Yunho asked looking at Seonghwa, worry shown in his eyes.

"Yes I'm sure, now you need to focus on the task, got it?" Seonghwa told him, Yunho nodded as he started walking towards the boats with the rest of the group.

The three stands were packed with students and faculty as everyone was cheering, the three champions stood on the middle stand the floor closest to the water, swimming clothing on, and waiting patiently for the competition to begin.

"Welcome to the second task." Professor McGonagall announced getting everyone's attention, "Last night, something was stolen from each of our champions." She told them, Yunho stood looking down at the water carefully listening.

"A treasure of sorts. These three treasures, one for each champion now lie on the bottom of the Black Lake.

In order to win each champion need only find their treasure and return to the surface. Simple enough, except for this- They will have but one hour to do so, and one hour only. After that, they'll be on their own.

No magic will save them. You may begin at the sound of the cannon." Professor McGonagall said that moment Mr Filch fired the cannon.

The three students dived straight into the water the three separated quickly going in different directions.

The water was grey almost like a filter was over Yunho's eyes as he swam down swiming through the seaweed swaying around, Yunho decided to follow the large group of fish.

Coming to a rock side he stopped looking further down, it was so far down all he saw was black, turning around he made the decision to go down there and have a look.

He swam further down passing the mossy rocks finding a small path he continued to follow.

Getting to a wall of seaweed he noticed the fish scattered away in the other direction, a few seconds later soft singing was heard past the wall of seaweed.

Yunho swam right in now following the singing, he swam slowly taking notice of his surroundings his vision was just seaweed, but he felt like something was watching him.

Hearing something swim towards him he turned around and quickly dodged out of the way of a merperson passing him.

The merperson stopped and turned to him a sound escaping its mouth, almost like they wanted him to follow, and so with half an hour gone already Yunho followed the merperson, hoping he would find his treasure.

The merperson lead him to what looked like broken building and pillars, more Merpeople swam around him as he got closer to the centre.

Noticing three glass boxes he swam closer seeing that they had people in, not just anyone though, one had the student Esmé took to the Yule ball, the second was the girl Herrick took and the last, was Yn.

They were all panicing as water was rushing in to the boxes, already up to their waists, Yn spotted Yunho swimming up to her, he could see the panic in her eyes slowly go when she saw him.

Yunho swam around the box trying to find out how to get her out of there. The water rising faster as the clock ticked down, Yunho motioned for her to cover her face which she did moving to the back.

"Reducto!" Yunho yelled holding his wand at the glass box a light shooting from his wand connecting to the glass and shattering a few seconds later.

The water rushed in Yn quickly took a deep breath before her lungs filled with water, Yunho grabbed her arm pulling her up with him and swimming to the surface.

The two swam over to the stands, students rushing to help them get out, Chaeyoung quickly ran over to Yn hugging her tightly.

"You must be freezing. Go get them another towel!" Seonghwa said passing some towels to the both of them.

"So that's where you disappear too" Mingi said to Yn as he chuckled hitting Yunho on the shoulder.

A few minutes later Esmé came to the surface and then Herrick a few seconds after that.

"I want all the judges over here now!" Professor McGonagall said as the teachers walked to the edge of the stands.

"The winner is Mr Jeong who showed innate command of the Bubble-Head Charm. Second place Esmé and third Herrick, Congratulations" Professor McGonagall announced, cheering burst through out the stands.

______________________________________

Yn sat in the courtyard on the fountain in the middle, a book in hand she wanted some quite time after she was involved with the second task, not really knowing why.

Hearing footsteps she looked up expecting Chaeyoung but instead Yunho came walking out, putting her book down she smiled at Yunho as he walked up to her.

"Hey, mind if I sit" Yunho asked Yn nodded her head sliding over a little for him to sit. Yunho looked over at her shyness taking over.

"Look I wanted to come clean about the task, the reason they took you, it... it's because, well to put it simply, I'm in love with you have been for years" he told her refusing to meet her eyes.

Yn placed her hand on top of Yunho's arm smiling sweetly at him as she moved closer to him.

"I already guessed that, and to be honest after everything that's happened I've realised that I'm in love with you too" she smiled down at the floor hidding her blushed face.

Yunho looked up at her shocked a smile graced his lips, he placed his fingers gently on to her face his fingers moving her to look at him, seeing the blush he stroked her red cheeks with his thumbs.

Hands on both sides of her face now he leaned in close to her their lip almost touching, but the moment was ruined when the two heard cheers.

Looking over to the building they saw standing there was Chaeyoung smirking at the two, Seonghwa stood next to her also smirking.

Hongjoon, Yeosang and Jongho smiled giving them a thumbs up, while San, Mingi and Wooyoung were screaming loudly jumping up and down cheering for the two.

Yunho shock his head looking back over to Yn they both giggled at the group, Yunho finally pulled Yn in for a sweet kiss, her arms wrapped around his neck pulling him closer.

The two parted looking deeply in to each others eyes, heads layed on to one another a bright smile on both of they're faces.

"Yunho come on you've got a competition to win!" Wooyoung yelled to him, "I've already won the best thing in life" he said making Yn blush even more, Chaeyoung awing in the background while the guys all make sick noises making Yunho laugh.

They both stood up walking towards the group hand in hand Chaeyoung ran up to Yn "I told you so" was all she said and ran off in to the school, while the guys all patted Yunho walking off them selfs leaving the two love birds alone.

Sure Yunho still had to complete one more task but he knew he would be able to do it with Yn now by his side supporting him through it with his friends.