#i'm not even halfway through the book but I do get some of the criticisms the book gets good and bad

[nadjabear]

Me: "Yeah I've been listening to the audiobook I'm Glad My Mom Died and it's been pretty good so far" Friend: "That book is so sad tho"

5 minutes later

Me: "Look I just read this one and it was pretty good!" *points to My Lesbian Experience with Loneliness* Friend: "That looks like it's a pretty depressing book" Me: "It is but it's really good :D"

Another 5 minutes pass

Me: "Alright I'm going to buy this book!" Friend: "What's the name?" Me: "The summer Hikaru died" Friend: "WHY ARE YOU ONLY READING SAD BOOKS!?"

[oliversrarebooks]

The Rare Bookseller Part 53: Fitz's Terrible Idea

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tw: conditioning, mind control, Stockholm syndrome, arrow wound, blood, blood drinking

August 1905

Alexander was seated peacefully by the fire, a soft blanket draped across his lap, lost in the enormous musty book in his hands. It was a scene of perfect tranquility. A perfect scene for Fitz to disrupt.

"So, what are you reading, sir?" he said, flopping down sideways on the couch and draping himself halfway across Alexander's lap, jostling his book and looking up at him with a shameless grin.

His master sighed, but smiled at Fitz. "I was reading about the customs and ways of the local faefolk."

"Faefolk, sir? You mean like fairies?" Fitz asked. "I knew a guy who was running a racket making fake pictures of fairies to sell to rubes. You're saying they're real, sir?"

"They're very real, and you're unlikely to get a picture of them unless they want you to," said Alexander. "They used to be found in the human world much more often, before humans industrialized. Now, most of the once-proud clans are scattered tribes in slow decline in the few wild places left. Centuries ago, it was common enough for faefolk to mingle with humans that many humans today have traces of fae blood."

"Is that so, sir?" said Fitz. Normally he would find this kind of lecture to be boring, but his master's voice was so captivating that he could happily listen to anything.

"You do, too, I'm sure of it. Your blood smells of it."

"Oh, really, sir?" he said, sitting up a bit. "It's hard to imagine any of my dusty old ancestors making love to a fairy."

"I imagine your ancestors weren't as dusty and boring as you imagine. I expect some of them were more like you."

"Are you saying that I would cavort with a fairy, given the chance?" Fitz laughed. "Because you're absolutely right, sir, I would."

"You see what I mean?"

Fitz leaned in closer, shamelessly running his hand through Alexander's hair. "Well, if I'm a fairy, you'd better be careful, sir, or one day I'll drag you away to fairy-land."

"I dearly wish you would," said Alexander, serious and sad.

Fitz's breath caught. They stared at each other for a long moment. And then the spell between them was broken.

"Unfortunately, I need to go out tonight. Business."

"What business is more important than this, sir?" said Fitz, irritated at being spurned and annoyed that he was irritated.

"It's important. I'll tell you what it is eventually. But for now, I have to go."

And so Fitz found himself alone once more in front of the slowly dying fire, eating an apple, with nothing to occupy his mind but his own thoughts -- the worst way to spend his evening.

He was growing too comfortable here, he knew that. The manor was filled with dust and the scent of deteriorating book bindings, but once he'd gotten used to that, it was strangely like a home. It was less ostentatiously luxurious than the mansion of his childhood, but somehow, despite being a vampire's manor, more comfortable and less oppressive. He slept on the finest sheets, ate expensive foods, and bathed with a wide selection of high-end imported toiletries. Alexander, despite his ability to sink Fitz into a stupor with a word, never criticized, never spoke in anger, never demanded anything of Fitz but his blood.

And thanks to the many layers of mesmeric spell he was under, that blood was all too easy to give.

Alexander, his vampiric master, was the real problem. Between his mesmerism, good looks, and quiet charms, he had Fitz firmly wrapped around his finger, like it or not. Even during the day, when he tossed and turned in a fruitless attempt to sleep, he thought of Alexander, his unkept hair, his gentle hands, and especially his captivating voice. He knew he shouldn't feel that way about a vampire who had purchased him from an auction and was keeping him captive and in dire peril, but his idiotic emotions and the spell laid thick on his mind said otherwise.

It wasn't as though it was likely that Alexander had genuine feelings towards him, no matter how much it seemed that way at times. Fitz knew he was a convenient source of blood. Effectively a grocery item. He knew better than to think his master's need was anything more than that.

Fitz sighed as he tossed the half-eaten apple into the air, missing the catch and watching as it rolled under a couch. Alexander had been leaving for the night more frequently lately, and Fitz was painfully bored without an audience for his chatter and whims.

An audience! Apart from his freedom, that was the main thing he was missing out of life. He needed the stage, the rush of applause, the thrill of holding a crowd captive. Alexander had promised him he could have it, but since then he'd dismissed Fitz when he asked about it.

That thought gave Fitz some direction for what he wanted to do with the evening. He marched upstairs to his bedroom and donned an eye-catching purple frock with an actual collar. He wanted something to keep Alexander's attention without enticing him to feed, so that Fitz could flirt his way into what he wanted.

And then he waited for his master to return. And waited. And waited.

He really shouldn't be so worried about the vampire who was keeping him captive. After all, if something happened to his master, maybe the spell would lift from him, he'd come to his senses, and he could escape this place. That's what he tried to tell himself, but the idea that something could happen to Alexander filled him with a sick dread instead.

Just as he was on the verge of tearing his hair out in frustration, the front door opened and Alexander staggered inside. His steps were ragged and he was panting hard, the problem plain to see -- an honest-to-god arrow sticking out of his upper arm.

"God damn," he said. "What happened to you, sir?"

"Fitz," said Alexander with pleading eyes. "Please…"

That was more than enough to make him abandon all his plans, as clearly his master was in no state for his skillful manipulations. Fitz rushed to prop Alexander up.

"Help me upstairs, to my bathroom. I need to treat this wound."

"How the hell did you get shot with an arrow here in the city, sir?"

"Can the explanation wait until I've removed the arrow?"

"That's fair, sir." Fitz guided his master up the stairs as Alexander winced and whimpered.

Fitz had been in his master's bedroom a few times before, primarily to help him with his hair and outfit, and was comforted by the fact that Alexander's sleeping quarters was as much of a disaster as his had always been. He had ample experience picking his way through discarded laundry on the floor, and soon he was helping his master sit at the edge of his bathtub. Fitz wasted no time unbuttoning Alexander's shirt and tossing it aside, an action that was purely in his master's best interest for treating his injury and nothing more.

"Get a towel ready, a green one from the bottom shelf, and some bandages. I'm going to pull out the arrow."

"Doesn't that do more harm than good, sir?" said Fitz, preparing the requested items anyway..

"That may be true for a human at risk of bleeding out, but this wound can't kill me. The faster I remove the arrow, the faster I can start to heal."

"If you say so, sir."

Alexander wrapped the old towel around the arrow, and Fitz watched in horrified fascination as he took a deep breath and yanked. The blood gushing from the wound soaked straight through the towel as Alexander pressed it to his arm, making some truly godawful noises. Fitz fidgeted nervously, wanting to do something to help but feeling entirely out of his depth. He grabbed a washcloth off the bottom shelf and ran it under warm water.

"Here, sir, let me wash the wound."

"It's fine. I just need bandages."

"It could fester, sir, and I don't think either of us would enjoy that."

"It won't fester. The same magic that keeps this dead body upright also protects it from rot and infection. Otherwise I'd be little better than a bloated corpse."

Fitz shifted nervously, uneasy at the reminder that the handsome face in front of him was, in fact, long dead. "Let me wash it anyway, sir."

"…All right." Alexander took the towel off the wound and presented it to Fitz, who was struggling hard to not get woozy and keel over at the sight of it. He took it in his hands as though he were an experienced field medic, dabbing at it with the warm washcloth, and he felt vindicated as the pain on Alexander's face began to recede slightly.

"So… you've removed the arrow, sir."

"So I have."

"You told me you were going to explain how you were shot, sir."

Alexander scowled and looked away, remaining silent for so long that Fitz thought he would have to badger him to get anything out. "Hunter," he finally said.

"Hunter, sir?"

"A vampire hunter. Every city with a vampire population attracts them, a small but dedicated group."

"Vampire hunters…" It wasn't a possibility Fitz had thought of, but he supposed that it made sense.

"I don't usually have any trouble with hunters," Alexander said. "They mostly hunt vampires who prey on people in the streets. I keep my own thrall, and generally stay confined to the manor. Besides that, my vampiric aura is enough to keep most hunters at bay."

"And yet, this arrow didn't embed itself in your flesh all by itself, sir."

"No, it didn't."

"So why'd a hunter attack you this time, sir?"

"I had hoped not to tell you yet, but I suppose you should know," said Alexander. "I'm recruiting hunters to try and kill my sire."

Fitz looked to the bloody gash in front of him, then down at the discarded arrow. "Far be it from me to criticize my master, sir, but it seems your recruitment tactic may leave something to be desired."

Alexander chuckled. "Hunters won't help a vampire willingly, even to kill another vampire. They have to be persuaded."

"So you're mesmerizing them into doing your dirty work, sir?"

"A dozen so far, and I hope to get at least a dozen more."

"A dozen, sir…" Fitz put down the washcloth and began to wrap Alexander's arm in clean bandages as he thought about this. Alexander was risking his life against a dozen vampire hunters or more to try and kill his sire. Primarily to protect him.

He should be concerned, but instead, his treacherous heart fluttered. His hand brushed against Alexander's chest. His master gave it a long and lonely look, as though he'd never been touched there before.

His master was so solitary. How long had it been since he'd last been touched?

How long had it been since Fitz had last been touched?

Before he could think better of it, he ran his hand through Alexander's soft hair, palm lingering on his cheek as he traced down his face. To Fitz's surprise, his master leaned into the touch, drinking it in like a parched man. Fitz repeated the action with more confidence this time, enjoying the wistful look in his eyes.

"…Be careful," Alexander said finally.

"Careful of what, sir?"

"What you're doing. You must know by now that my feelings towards you are… You should be careful."

Fitz's eyes went wide. Was this a manipulation? Alexander, still looking tired and pained, seemed in no state to be engaging in manipulation.

"Well, sir, I appreciate your advice, but I've found that I never get anywhere in life when I'm being careful."

He was pushing his hand through Alexander's hair to the back of his head, pressing his master's lips to his, hardly caring that they were cold and chapped. He'd wanted this since the first time they'd met in the auction house, and the fact that it was a terrible idea only made Fitz want it more.

Alexander's hands closed around his arms as if to push him away, but he didn't. Instead he pushed forward, returning the kiss, and Fitz felt a giddy thrill in his heart at having finally charmed the stubborn, lonely vampire into reciprocating his affection. They tumbled onto the bathroom floor, Alexander halfway on top of Fitz, and Alexander was desperate as though he hadn't been kissed in a hundred years. Well, he probably hadn't.

Alexander suddenly stopped and drew back, guilt on his face. "I -- I shouldn't -- "

Fitz closed the distance between them once more before either of them could ruin the moment by thinking too much. He needed this. He needed the touch, and even if it was unnaturally cold, he was still drinking it in. He especially needed this infuriatingly stubborn vampire to prove his affections.

It wasn't love, Fitz knew that much. It was bloodlust and regular lust and need, and that suited Fitz better. He would never understand love, but need -- he could understand that.

Alexander's breath hitched, and Lex thought it was desire, until he grasped at the wound on his shoulder. In the excitement, Fitz had almost forgotten about the crossbow bolt. He opened his mouth to ask, but the words died in his throat, as he found himself suddenly enthralled, thoughts scattering.

"The wound pains me, and a bit of blood would help me heal," he said. "I can't be this close to you without the urge overtaking me."

"Good," said Fitz, succumbing easily to the desire. He pushed his master's head gently to the space between neck and shoulder. "Take me, then. Drink from me. I'm all yours."

Alexander hummed, his lips pressed to Fitz's neck and his voice reverberating in his head, sending Fitz further into a dream of bliss. He barely felt the puncture, lying sprawled on the bathroom floor with his master on top of him, swimming in pleasure as his blood drained from his body. The feeding turned to soft nibbles at his jaw and his ear, and Fitz didn't care that his master's lips were stained with blood as he was pulled into a kiss.

"You should warm my bed tonight, Fitz," Alexander murmured into his ear.

Fitz raised his eyebrows. "Is that invitation what I think it is, sir…?"

"…if you're thinking of something lewd, I'm afraid not," said Alexander. "My… desires of that nature cooled along with my blood. I'm truly asking for you to warm my bed."

"So I can serve as a glorified hot water bottle as well as a bloodbag, is that right, sir?"

"No," said Alexander with painful sincerity. "You're much more than a bloodbag."

"And what else am I, sir?" said Fitz, looking up at his master, flashing his least trustworthy smile. "A brilliant entertainer? A scintillating conversationalist?"

"Fitz," said Alexander, placing a hand on his cheek and catching Fitz's eyes with his. "My Fitz."

"Your Fitz," he repeated, feeling mesmerized once more although he wasn't sure his master was actually doing anything. "I suppose I am, sir."

His master looked away. "You don't actually have to call me 'sir' or 'master', you know. It's fine if you don't."

Fitz grinned. "Oh, is that so, Alexander, sir?" The grin left his face as he realized what he'd just done. "Oh, damn that Miss Lily. I'm not going to be able to stop."

Alexander chuckled. "I don't really go by Alexander, anyway. Only my sire and strangers call me that. I go by Lex."

"Lex," repeated Fitz, leaning into his ear, "sir," he added, as seductively as possible, enjoying how his master -- no, Lex -- shivered.

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Thanks for reading! Next week, Oliver gets some help from Lily.

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[lewkwoodnco]

Heyy:) I just wanted to request a George x fem!reader one shot :P I totally understand if you don't want to write it or if you don't like the idea or anything but I was thinking a fic inspired by "wildest dreams" by Taylor? Just some silly teen romance vibes you know🤭 (and please no Angst or anything, I can't take that shit atm😔)

Wildest Dreams - George Karim x Reader

A/N: going to be taking a break from the requests in my inbox to work on my 12 days of fics series! (but will get back to them after im done heheh) I might have completely butchered this ask im so sorry BUT I made it as fluffy as I think it gets (w George at least), just had to do the 77 thing i have no self-restraint, also this poem is soso beautiful one of my absolute favesss but idk whats up with the formatting :(((, wc 3.3k!

TAGLIST | MASTERLIST

Subtle Bridges

Walking with me, you'd once pointed to the fragility and ingenuity of a spider's web. Subtle bridges, you said, On bridges some men hang. A warning that has stayed While I read history traced in blood and tears of men. I was caught in the end with a nest of books. They burned anyway, and now I bend to build an emperor's endless wall. Like a thread of longing the border runs in loops and bends, and along it we root the gravestones of nameless men. A king's metaphor, This is, history raised from ash and bone -- a symbol Of its vast futility, or of eternity. Which it is I do not know, But since leaving home some things have come clear. No one literally breaks from loss, not even here. And some ties won't give. I sometimes dream of you, and walking, in gardens where love and knowledge hang.

By Yvonne Koh

She was at the Kensel Green Cemetery with the rest of her team from Fittes, after being called down by DEPRAC because of a robbery. They had spread out over the building, looking for any sign of the missing relic or the culprit, when she heard a slow, grinding noise from inside the hall. She quietly crept in to the silhouette of a shadowy figure bent over the casket.

"Can I help you?"

The boy's head snapped up immediately, painfully slamming against the stone shelf behind him. She let out an involuntary gasp, briefly wincing at the hollow thunk.

"Didn't do it," he groaned, steadying himself against the wall. "...whatever it was that...someone did."

She squinted at him using the little light spilling in from the corridor. He couldn't have been more than a year or two older than her. Against her better judgement, she kept her voice down.

"This is a crime scene!" she hissed at him.

"I - what?"

"Who are you?"

"I'm not a thief, or a relic man. I promise."

Her eyes swept his scruffy appearance critically. "Why would I think that?"

"Ms L/N?"

She turned, momentarily speechless, barely registering the rustle of the boy stealing away into the darkness. She blinked against the brightness of Inspector Barnes' torch, glancing back to check that he really was gone.

"Everything alright?"

She paused for a moment longer, as if willing him to rematerialise in the corner he had been crouching in just a moment ago. Nothing. Her eyes narrowed. Interesting. Very interesting indeed.

"Must have been the wind."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

George was staring out the kitchen window glumly, lazily stirring his mug of tea. The weather was as pleasant as it got, and Lockwood had roused them all at the crack of dawn for a breakfast picnic, to 'boost morale.' Of course, George should have known better than to hold his breath, especially when loud angry voices had started to shake him awake when he had been halfway through groggily packing their picnic basket. Now, he sipped his cold tea through thin lips, listening to the slow, steady footsteps approaching the kitchen and the wan face belonging to them.

"Let me guess. You and Lucy are no longer in the mood for a picnic?"

Lockwood sombrely shook his head. George sighed, picking up the picnic basket. Seemed like a shame to let his slaving away go to waste. And he was still very much in the mood for the strawberries and cream he had packed inside. Which is why George had been heading out for a solo breakfast picnic with enough food for three when he heard a foreign voice stop him.

"George Casper Karim."

He looked up from the doorknob in alarm. It was the girl from Kensel Green Cemetery. He hesitated, trying to gauge her expression.

"Ex-employee of Fittes Agency, fired after six months for insubordination, currently a researcher at Lockwood & Co."

"Brilliant. Astonishing, really, how you've repeated my own job history back to me."

She frowned. He relished the stab of satisfaction. He'd had a shitty morning and was likely going to have a shitty day, so really, having a go at someone was probably going to be the highlight.

"There's no need to be rude."

"I think I'd know where I've been the past couple of years, thanks very much. Forgive me for not being more impressed."

Still looking a little disgruntled, she pressed on, firmly clutching the waist-high gate. "I've got a bone to pick with you, if you don't mind."

He eyed her warily, and decided against approaching her any further. "You can pick it just fine from over there."

She looked mildly peeved, but he didn't trust her as far as he could throw her. After a few long, tense seconds, she relented, not that she was happy about it..

"So...you were right. You're no relic man."

That was quick. "Thank you. Have a nice day." He closed the distance between him and the gate in a few quick strides, pushing against it, but she pushed right back with a steely look in her eye.

"Don't know about the other bit, though."

He didn't like the look in her eye; the look of someone knowing something he didn't. His mouth went dry.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Might be more convincing if your associate hadn't mentioned a talking skull. Awfully difficult to contain a visitor without a ghost jar, wouldn't you say?"

He swore under his breath. "Fucking Lockwood can't keep his mouth shut."

"I don't expect DEPRAC takes kindly to thieves or hooligans-"

He let out a bark of laughter. "Hooligan? Me?"

"-or strange boys who break into places they shouldn't be-"

"You can't prove it was me."

"Wanna bet?"

A challenge. A dare. His mouth was already open to call her bluff when the self-satisfied smirk curling at the corner of her lip gave him pause. Lockwood wouldn't be much pleased if he gave DEPRAC another reason to steer the agency dangerously close towards closing. He wasn't like Lockwood or Lucy - he was careful, very careful. Too late George wished he had been a little more careful all those years ago in covering his tracks - but, to be fair, he had no reason to think anyone at Fittes would have been capable enough to put two and two together.

Until now.

"Look, why don't we...talk about this, like civilised people? I've got strawb - you like strawberries and cream, don't you?"

She sneered again. George was beginning to think that was just how her face looked.

"You want to bribe me with...strawberries...and cream?"

"It's not bribery. Just...a friendly chat. Agent to agent."

Which was how they ended up on a grassy hill at one of the meadows at the outskirts of London. He had never been there before, but Lockwood had remembered it as a prime spot for cosy family picnics.

"So what else do you know about me?"

She chewed a bite of scrambled eggs thoughtfully before responding.

"You're obsessed with the Problem. An obsession that made you an asset, initially."

She had heard that he was the one who had identified the visitor, Edmund Bickerstaff, but what she had had difficulty wrapping her head around was how he had managed to do it with only the vast yet imprecise volumes of the Archives at his disposal. Imagine what he could do with the carefully curated library at Fittes. She stared at him, trying to figure him out. There was a gentle breeze blowing and the slight movement made him look marginally more affable but not any more comprehensible. She let out the breath she was holding.

"You must have really screwed up for Fittes to have let you go."

He shrugged. "It was a long time coming. Fittes never really was the type of company I was interested in working at, and I was never the type of employee Fittes was interested in keeping."

"What about now? Have you ever considered leaving?"

"Why would I?"

"I've taken a glance at Lockwood & Co's financial records. You can't be making much, if anything at all."

"And go from being broke to being broke and homeless?"

"Homeless? What about your parents?"

"I visit them, occasionally, but they're a right piece of work. Last time I saw them was my grandmother's 77th birthday. I think there was a row but I can't be completely sure because I was a little, er, sloshed. The party ended, and I expect the champagne went flat, and my aunt was the last to leave. She was sitting on the floor with a merlot in her hand, and her voice was ringing through the halls. The curtains were burnt, my parents didn't talk to each other for a week, and one of my brothers had broken his hand. But I could never forget sitting in that empty dining hall, holding those sodden, scorched curtains, listening to her saying nothing lasts forever, nothing lasts forever."

The sunlight had a diffused quality to it, at least the little of it that managed to pour through the layer of clouds blocking the sky. The ashy light threw a powdery glow on George's face, and for a moment she felt as though she was in that dining hall with him, listening to those same laments. He glanced at her, and she felt a sudden, foreign uncertainty grip her heart.

"Now I feel really bad about lying."

His hand slipped, missing his mouth by a good couple of inches, nearly sending the contents of his glass down his shirt.

"Lie? What lie?"

"I kind of haven't, not really...actually spoken to any of your associates."

He chokes on his laughter, and when he throws his head back she wonders if she's ever seen anyone laugh as freely as him. It's a ridiculously enticing sight.

"Touché. Touché."

He looks at her in the eye, unabashed, with an unnaturally casual intensity. It almost feels impolite.

"So...yeah. Maybe I was suited to be a Fittes agent, once upon a time, but not anymore."

"That's a pity."

He looks at her weird, and she hastily changes the subject.

"Do you do this often?"

"What, taking strangers out for breakfast?"

"No. Bring a girl out here, feed her some strawberries and cream, maybe a Shakespearean sonnet or two..."

"I don't set much store in Shakespearean sonnets. I'm not...I'm not much of a poetry person."

There's something reserved in his face that makes her feel terrible for asking.

"I've really only read one worth remembering. Subtle bridges, you said, on bridges some men hang. Some ties won't give. I sometimes dream of you, and walking, in gardens where love and knowledge hang."

He bites into a strawberry, which stains his lips a bright red. She looks away a second too late.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After reluctantly agreeing to keep the matter of the stolen ghost jar between the two of them, she never expected to see him again. And yet, as fate would have it, they crossed paths again roughly a week later. She and one of her teammates had been assigned to a Church to handle a relatively weak Type Two, when she heard a scuffling sound from one of the rooms whose door was ajar. Her teammate froze, and she didn't feel much braver either. They approached the room cautiously, rapiers at the ready.

"Hello? Anyone there?"

"Y/N?"

The glare from their flashlights blindly darted over the room before it settled on the floor, illuminating a bleeding George looking the worse for wear, hissing at the harsh florescent light.. She visibly relaxed.

"Oh. You again."

Lockwood and Lucy exchanged a look.

"Do you two know each other?"

A silence followed. George looked to be at a loss of words and she, too, couldn't quite find the right answer.

"We've...met."

They helped George up while Lockwood smoothly explained the situation, and how they would never dream of intentionally From the derisive eye rolls of his remaining, uninjured associate, there was clearly more to their presence than he was letting on, but she wasn't paid nearly enough to go through the trouble of finding that out. Apparently, they had already dealt with the Type Two, so she filled out her report as vague as she dared to be, while they wandered out to flag down a cab.

George lingered behind briefly, dabbing at his nose experimentally while she put the finishing touches to her file.

"We can't keep meeting like this, you know."

"Like what?"

She shook her head, surprisingly having to bite back a smile. "You're incorrigible. If you keep sneaking around for much longer I'll have to report you one of these days."

He pulled his face into an exaggerated sulk and ducked as she tried to smack him with her case report.

"Alright, alright!"

True to his word, their less-than-ideal meetings came to an end. Instead, they continued to occasionally meet at that serene, refreshingly Edenic sloping hill. She'd return from a client meeting or from scoping out a location and the front desk would have a message waiting for her, from one vaguely snippy anonymous man. Sometimes he'd be waiting at the hill with snacks, which she'd ravenously dig into, though he was less generous on the biscuit front. He tells her about the happenings of 35 Portland Row and his research and bounces his latest theory on the origins of the Problem off of her. She tells him about her week, and the bothersome, inept people she works with, and on their joint cases he's snarky towards all the right people. It makes her feel special.

On one such evening, they were lazing on a picnic blanket, and a pleasantly warm breeze was toying with their hair. George was looking at the severe, fragile branches encroaching on the powdery blue sky through heavily-lidded eyes. She was absent-mindedly fiddling with his surprisingly soft fingers, distractedly breathing in the faint, antiseptic smell of ammonia that clung to his clothes. She was thinking about how sharp he was and how quickly he picked up on details on their joint cases. No matter how many times she saw him pick apart a case with a carefully perfected elegance, she felt like a part of her would forever be in awe of his beautifully intricate mind.

"Sometimes I feel like your talents are so wasted here. Imagine what you could do with access to all of Fittes' resources."

"i don't need Fittes's resources to be a good researcher."

She watches the yellow daffodils tossing their heads back just inches in front of them through her eyelashes.

"i know you don't. It can't hurt, is all I'm saying."

"Why do you care?"

She paused. Why did she care? She cared about him, sure, but it was no different from how she cared about her teammates, her friends, but with George...it somehow felt more personal. She sighs irritably, releasing the bubble of frustration lodged in her throat all week. She just wanted what was best for him. It takes her a minute to come up with her hesitant response.

"I...don't know. I don't care. But sometimes I can't help but wonder...what if this was what you needed to uncover the root of the Problem?"

He half-laughs, but stops short at the sight of her face as she lifts her head off his chest. "You can't be serious."

"Why not?"

"Y/N...statistically speaking -"

"All I'm saying is the answer could very well be in the Fittes library and you might be the only one who'd know where to look."

She lies down again, and whispers to the trees rather than George.

"Just...something to think about."

As time went on, their relationship began to bleed into more public spheres. She dropped by Portland Row occasionally, and they even had tea at her apartment once. On this particular afternoon, they were in George's room at Portland Row. She was looking through the titles on his alarmingly tall bookcases while he was at his desk, copying some runes from a book while telling her about his latest experiment with the skull. Her eyes roved over the titles restlessly, unseeingly, in a futile attempt to distract herself from her upcoming assignment. She let George's voice wash over her, pleasingly varied in tone and comfortingly familiar, soothing the itch in her brain. After a moment or two, she realises he's stopped talking, and looks up to see him staring at her with a frown on his face.

"Er, sorry. Drifted off there for a while."

"I guessed."

He studies her with an inscrutable expression and she's been caught too off-guard to come up with anything other than the letter burning a hole in her desk.

"You alright?"

She sits on a chair next to his and rests her chin on her knee, feeling oddly wooden. After getting to know George, she had taken the comfort of being able to somewhat predict his mannerisms for granted, and the thought of heading into this blind made her nervous.

"My team's been assigned a case outside of London."

"Oh. When?"

"We leave this weekend."

He looks too stunned to ask the question weighing on both their minds.

"It's for a month."

"A month," he echoes distantly, as if not quite sure what to make of that piece of information. His face remains impassive and she waits for a reaction which never comes. "What about that celebratory dinner?"

"We leave after it."

"Oh."

For someone who usually always had so much to say about anything and everything, his current conversational skills were desperately wanting. Say something. Be affected, she begs internally. She needs to hear him say it. She needs the sickness in her chest to be real, to be founded.

"It'll be...different without you." The careful look on his face makes her feel like he's picking out her emotions from her face and engineering an optimal response. "I'll miss you."

It doesn't comfort her in the way she expected it would. Suddenly, she can't even bear to look at him.

"You don't have to."

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Either George had decided that she needed some space or he was just as pissed as she was, because she didn't see one sign of him over the next few days. Good. She hardly noticed. The thousand times a day he crossed her mind were only out of relief, and nothing else. But as much as she pretended otherwise, by the time the celebratory dinner rolled around, his absence had taken a toll on her. She couldn't tell if she was hoping or dreading seeing him again.

She was on a balcony on the upper floor, looking miserably into the radiant foliage of the gardens below, where unfamiliar faces flitted with a lightness of heart she envied. Their shadows are tall and intertwine ceaselessly, making her dizzy. Her bags were packed, her ticket was waiting on her mantle, and all loose ends were tied up. Even her one chance at happiness for the rest of her life.

There's a rustle behind her and she turns to see George standing a considerable distance away from her. He's only marginally closer than the first time they met, properly, when he was standing outside their front door and she was pacing behind the garden gate. She wants to cry in relief. Instead, she finds it in her not to look away. Maybe it's the confusing lighting, but there's a soft edge to his face.

"I thought I saw you come up here."

She doesn't say anything; she's too happy to. And yet, a part of her is still deeply unhappy with the sight in front of her.

"Have you...tried the food?"

"...it's not as good as yours."

"You must be leaving soon."

"Tomorrow." The thought makes her want to rip her face off.

"You'll be back in a month."

She drummed her fingernails against the marble railing, carefully choosing her words.

"What if things change in a month?" What if, she wanted to say, you meet someone else who loves you better than I can?

"It's only a month."

"A whole month."

"I don't understand. Why are you so afraid?"

"Because - because you'd forget me. You'd forget me, and our memories would sink six feet under, and you'd move on and my heart would break and...you wouldn't care."

She's never felt this way about anyone before, and she doesn't know how to express how badly she needs him to stay.

"I don't want to go back to not knowing you, George."

The setting sun burns into her neck and all of a sudden, she feels unbearably hot. Her hair is plastered to her forehead and her hands feel clammy. Her face is flushed and she feels ridiculous in her dress. But he's here, and she's said it, so she lets herself dream, if only for a moment.q

"I think about you every day. One month, two months, three months...I'll wait."

TAGLIST: @avdiobliss @dangelnleif @elenianag080 @mitskiswift99 @mischivana @houseoftwistedspirits

[canmom]

another night where i can't sleep...

it has long felt like, while in some respects certain things have come easy to me that most people find difficult, such as maths or computer shit or academic writing, in many other respects the rest of the world had a ten year head start on me. stuff like relating to other people, stuff like art and music, the basic activity of living. it's The Autism, and it's the habits I've accrued over the years.

head in the clouds, full of knowledge and theories and technical this and that, still that smoldering anger that's so abstract, aimed at the nature of the world and all the things that i don't know how to change. personally... i write and write and write on here, because i know how to write, i know how to talk about, i can expound and extemporise, but i feel like so often i don't know how to emerge from behind the scripts I've built up for navigating this or that situation, my ignorance of how I'm seen and what messages i give off, the idea of whatever it is people interpret me as (even those very close to me), and just... connect. see and be seen.

when i get the right kind of work of fiction, it feels like... at last, I've found someone who thinks in a way that i understand. this is what is so intoxicating about seth dickinson's books i think. the earnestness of the feelings that animate them, the way they construct people and motivations, the web of philosophical and scientific and emotional connections, the rhythm as they unfold into a desperate searching for the right question, the wicked humour and abrupt violence and the type of body horror imagery that they reach for. all of it feels like I've finally found someone who gets it. that's why i go crazy about it.

(and it means the world what seth has said about my articles - it feels like a mission.)

i don't know if i can expect anyone else to get what i get out of them. there are criticisms you can make - what i take as fearlessness you might call arrogance, overambition. my partner found it too sincere, too direct and 'mannered' in laying out what it's addressing. these are a matter of wanting different things, i suppose. it's not that i can't see why they say it, i just don't see any of it as a flaw.

but... because I've found that connection, because i want to reach back and say, i see what you're doing, i get it, i feel it too - i write the long exegesis articles, to hold it up to everyone and say look, see, this is how it works.

the last article in the series on The Tyrant Baru Cormorant was to be titled Replication, and it was supposed to attempt to ask how to draw out the spark that animated such books into existence. i had an outline in my mind, to talk about the fingerprints of sff culture of the 2010s and how it affected me and perhaps also seth - and about the determination to take the questions seriously, to push and push. the vulnerability to lay your soul bare.

but from there? i don't know what the answer is, only that i haven't managed to do it with any of the things I've created. what is my baru cormorant, my psycho nymph exile or serious weakness, my nier? what is the thing that only i can make, that will resonate with other souls in the dark? am i getting closer?

I'll keep searching.

I'm halfway through Exordia. i don't know how much I ought to say before the book comes out 'for real', but I'll definitely be writing a spoiler-light advance review. I'm so hooked. i can't sleep, even though i have to work tomorrow. it's 'just a book', but... it's what it's all about.

[seriouslycromulent]

My rewatch of The John Larroquette Show (so far)

In my effort to keep my Larroquette obsession thriving, I've recently started a rewatch of The John Larroquette Show. Like Night Court (which I rewatched in 2022), I remember watching this show when it originally aired.

But unlike Night Court, my memory of most of the episodes is a bit fuzzy. I remember the main characters and their personalities just fine, but not so much what happens in terms of the storyline.

Regardless, I'm enjoying the rewatch, and I'm pleasantly surprised by how much the show holds up over time, how evergreen the topics are, and how strong the jokes are. Seriously. They are constantly telling jokes that I swear are as old as vaudeville, but they kill in terms of laughs from the audience and from me as well.

Example: In s2e8 "The Book of Rachel," Mayim Bialik guest stars as a young hippie-ish woman named Rachel who shows up in hopes of finding out if John Hemingway (JL's character) is her real dad. She's narrowed down the search to 3 men who knew her mom, who was living wild and free back in the '70s, around that time.

When John asks how her mother's doing, Rachel says, "She's doing pretty good. She's been clean for about 5 years now." John, a recovering alcoholic who's been sober for 1 year, says, "That's great! So no more drugs and booze, huh?" And Rachel says, "Oh no, there's still plenty of drugs and booze. She's just been bathing regularly for 5 years."

I'm not telling it very well in writing, but I swear to you, that joke is funny as hell, and Mayim and JL's delivery is perfection. Plus, it got a huge laugh from the audience, which speaks to its timeless nature.

Anyway, I just wanted to share a thought or two on the show so far. (I'm on episode 12 of Season 2, just in case anyone wants to know the context.)

Here are some random thoughts I've had so far:

Like Night Court, the show does a solid job of mixing comedy and drama. The first season is a bit more drama heavy because they dealt more with the recovery storyline, but I think it still worked and the whole concept is still pretty daring (i.e., revolving around the unglamorous lives of people who work in and around a bus station at night) even compared to today's sitcoms, which still tend to play it safe.

JL's hair in the first season is absurdly long. Or at least it gets to be absurdly long about halfway through the season. And it's not a good look. Not because he looks bad with long hair, but because it looks like it takes a lot of upkeep. And a man who is working 3rd shift at a bus station and lives in a halfway house/SRO building doesn't seem like he'd have a strict hair care regimen to make it appear perfectly tamed at all time. Seriously, at one point I had to ask out loud, "I wonder if they curl the ends with a curling iron or do they use rollers?"

This may be the first TV show I ever saw Chi McBride in. Despite seeing him on plenty of TV shows and films over the years, I never knew he had such a lovely singing voice. I'm glad they gave him a chance to share his singing talent. His version of "Danny Boy" in season 1 was very good.

The 2 corrupt police officers who blatantly flaunt their bias and awfulness are both funny and a great commentary on what was happening in America at the time (i.e., the Rodney King police beating, and the aftermath of the verdict was still very fresh in everyone's minds then). Sadly, it is an evergreen topic for the U.S., but I think it says a lot about the writers for TJLS that they attacked the subject so openly and didn't shy away of being critical of police or lampooning them. I don't think a modern American sitcom would approach the subject so brazenly and unapologetically today. JL has said in a number of interviews that the show was kind of ahead of its time. And I'm inclined to agree with him, at least in some areas.

It's so cool going back to watch old TV shows and catching actors who have now become bigger names in the business. I just watched an episode with Jane Lynch working as a mental health care professional. Of course, this was way before she found success on Glee and The 40-Year-Old Virgin.

Does JL manage to work in a reference to Samuel Beckett into everything he works on starting with this series? It's starting to function as his own career Easter egg at this point. I'm not complaining. Just wondering.

I know Don Reo created the show, but I suspect JL had a small amount of his life's adventures and details shape the John Hemingway character (like the Beckett references, his running commentary on anything that happened in the 1960s, his openness about being friends with anyone from any background, etc.). But the only way to truly know this is for JL to 1) tell us in Q&As or interviews, or 2) write an autobiography already, dammit!

In s2e1 "Changes," JL sits down in a chair by swinging his leg over the back of it, and I immediately thought of the Riker Maneuver. I know JL did it before Jonathan Frakes on TNG, but it will always be the Riker Maneuver to me.

Another way the show was ahead of its time was in its portrayal of sex workers and trans people. Most of the time, it's played for comedy on the show (I mean, it is a sitcom after all), but there's a very real attempt to share stories of Carly, Teddi and Pat that are humanizing. Teddi and Pat are trans sex workers, but they are accepted by most (not the male cop) and aren't just the butt of jokes. They even get included in simple things like group poker games and asked to watch the lunch counter when Dexter runs off to do something or other. That might seem like not a big deal, but at that time (the mid-90s), most inclusion of hookers and trans folks on TV usually involved heavy drama like trying to save them from their lives or begrudgingly acknowledging that they were a part of society with disdain and ridicule. And the overall acceptance of Carly as a friend and possible love interest without trying to save her or judge her was also a bit ahead of its time. And when there were moments of judgment, they were faced head on and challenged.

[ilikereadingactually]

Rakesfall

Rakesfall by Vajra Chandrasekera

i'm honestly not sure where to begin with this book, except that i really liked it, and also i had a glitch in the NetGalley app halfway through and thought it had disappeared, so i read two other books in between. the many layers of this story would have fallen together a little easier for me if i had read the whole thing consecutively, so i'm looking forward to an enlightening reread at some point! but i also think, as Molly Templeton pointed out in this great column, that i can't possibly understand everything happening in this book, and i'm not meant to. i don't have the necessary cultural context about Sri Lanka, but i can ride along and thoroughly enjoy myself, and i can learn!

i really dig a lot of what i do understand that's going on in this book though; the layered, looping structure is really exciting, and the way Chandrasekera weaves speculative elements into so many different settings—iterations of the past and the future and the even farther future—is unique each time, with some connecting elements that carry you through from one story to the next. and there's so much incredibly striking imagery, visuals that are going to stay with me for a long time. my reading experience of this book was weirdly drawn out through my own ineptitude with the app, but i would keep reading about Annelid and Leveret through so many more of their strange lifetimes.

the deets

how i read it: as i said, i had a weird experience of this one in the NetGalley app, but as always i'm delighted to have the access.

try this if you: love to float on a book like floating on the ocean and maybe go down rabbit holes afterward, dig reincarnation stories, or are into things that span huge swaths of time and wander all over the speculative genres!

some bits i really liked: i have so many more screenshots than i could possibly include here but this is a selection of things that made me gasp

We know another year has passed when the new year birds hoot in the background. Leveret and Annelid will grow older, too. This is that kind of show. There are only two kinds of show: the kind where people grow older and the kind where they don't. We, the fandom, love the first kind best. We love this show so much.

___

I am reborn, but not in a womb; I pass into this life midstride, walking on the street. I stumble, trip over myself, nearly faceplant. I am in media res, trying to swallow what for a moment seemed to choke in my throat. Is that true, or had I forgotten myself until this moment?

___

I voted for him myself, in the parliamentary election earlier this month where sixty people died. I voted for peace, even though peace seems like the kind of science fiction that posits a future utopia, sleek and bald and rational, without satisfactory explanation of how we get to there from here, this convoluted, bloody, tainted here, except by appealing to our better natures at critical moments, a long arc bending toward justice. It seems like science fiction, wrapped in a pulp cover.

___

Be anything other than a man, I tell my younger self now through the akashic record; be a mother of witches. My parents didn't want the devil in me out. She was already almost out; that was the problem. No, they wanted her sealed, stitched in tight. My unhealing wound.

___

I love, the Rake whispers like thunder, rattling her bones. I forgive. Embi stares at them. "You...forgive. I've left you trapped in a foreign poetic regime for ten thousand years. It should have been otherwise." There is no other wisdom, the Rake says. "You don't have to protect me," Embi says. "If protecting the world means that I need to be sacrificed, I'm ready. It took me a while to get ready, but I'm ready." You are the world, the Rake says. There is no difference.

___

The difference is that stories have endings, and histories understand that nothing ever ends. The difference is that stories are made and histories are told.

___

You and I are a we right here and now, whether we like it or not.

pub date: June 18, 2024! Go read it!

[holyunholy]

thoughts on priory of the orange tree (minor structural spoilers)

i liked the first 3/4s of this book a lot more than the final stretch. the book builds its world from familiar fantasy tropes remixed in fun ways and then subverted in even more interesting ways. the basic structure of the book, alternating its narrative between east and west, with 4 PoV characters, lends the story a good rhythm, at least after the first couple chapters where it feels like reading four different first chapters in a row. but all 4 pov characters felt distinct and powerfully realized and I enjoyed my time with all of them.

for a fantasy book I felt like it all felt a bit un-magical. by about halfway through the book has explained the rules of its world, the types of magic and how they work and who can use them, and it cleaves totally to those rules until the end. its just a bit "magic is when you shoot fire out of your hands" for me. doesn't spoil the book or anything but its not my preference. like if you can explain it then its not really magic is my feeling.

my biggest gripe is that there's a point towards the end where all the conflict seems to go totally out of the book. like once all the mysteries are solved and the protagonists have the full picture, they make their plan to win the day, and then the last 20% of the book is just them doing that with very few hiccups.

okay i think i'm being too harsh. they definitely still encounter difficulties on their way to it but the plan they execute is exactly the plan they made. that just feels a bit anti-climactic to me? like the book just tells you how its going to end about 100 pages before the end. and then it does end that way. there's a lack of tension. feels like either something should have gone wrong, or they realize they've misunderstood some fundamental aspect of things and need a new plan.

like it's very much a book about Realizing Things, which is exactly what I loved about it. its about the conflicting beliefs of various cultures and the way ideology distorts history, etc. the big mystery of the book is "What is the real history of this world?" but that mystery is solved about 80% of the way through, and we're left with a big battle scene that doesn't meaningfully engage with the question. just needed one more fundamental shift in understanding right at the end I thought. honestly I was convinced the book was setting us up for that too, but then it just doesn't happen.

in general the ending feels a bit rushed. i dont mind the pacing picking up for the climax of a story but the earlier chapters are so vivid and lush with detail, and then at a certain point we just stop learning new things, so it ends up feeling like just a list of things that happen, idk.

anyway endings are hard, and it's ultimately a pretty small part of a very long book, and the sense that there is some enduring mystery does set it up well for a sequel, which I'd be eager to read. apparently there's a prequel book, which I think I would read if I knew a true sequel was coming, but might not get around to otherwise.

i always sound so negative when i book post but I genuinely liked this book.

last few thoughts uhhh. the book has this really amusing tendency to just kill characters as soon as its done with them. not a criticism except in the instance of (minor spoilers) Tané's friend who got sent to feather island. that one felt odd in that it really seemed like Tané was being set up to meet her there and maybe learn something about how she viewed people (and herself) growing up but then oops! she's actually already dead when we get there.

the romance was very good.

shout out to Roslain I just think she's a great character and she gets one of the best lines in the whole story

also I wish we'd gotten more Tané but apparently the author agrees on that point lol. dragon-hearted girl you mean everything to me

[rosszulorzott]

Reading Journal

After reading Why Civil Resistance Works, The Strategic Logic of Nonviolent Conflict by Erica Chenoweth and Maria J. Stephan (2011), I'm now on to the update from 2021, Civil Resistance: What Everyone Needs to Know by Erica Chenoweth. This link is from the author's page and you will find many more resources there.

"Written by leading experts in their fields and with over 100 subjects to explore Oxford University Press's acclaimed What Everyone Needs to Know® series offers authoritative discussions of complex contemporary issues from gender to sustainability to robots in a lively question-and-answer format."

I'm now halfway through this book and I thought to share some quotes and commentary.

I have evolved from being a detached skeptic of civil resistance to becoming an invested participant in nonviolent movements. I now study the history and practice of resistance with much greater urgency, for the sake of my own democracy and in solidarity with human rights defenders around the world.

Although many cases don’t make headline news, the past decade—2010 to 2020—has seen more revolutionary nonviolent uprisings around the world than in any other period in recorded history. In fact, there have been more such campaigns in the first two decades of the twenty-first century than there were during the entire twentieth century. ... Even though nonviolent resistance is now ubiquitous as a leading strategy for creating change worldwide, the data also suggest that governments are defeating revolutionary nonviolent movements more often than in prior decades ... since 2016, far-right and neo-Nazi groups in Germany have been relying on the work of nonviolent resistance scholar Gene Sharp to better understand how to build and wield people power to pursue their racist and exclusionary aims. ... Just because people are protesting in the streets does not mean they are engaging in civil resistance. Spontaneous, improvised street actions that are not coordinated across various civic groups as part of a broader strategy rarely have staying power or capacity for long-term transformation. ... Few if any civil resistance campaigns have succeeded using protest alone. ... The first known feminist rebellion in North America was a sixteenth-century civil resistance campaign by Iroquois tribal women to end unregulated warfare within the Iroquois nation. Men exclusively controlled declarations of war, along with other political powers. Iroquois women coordinated a sex and childbearing strike, refused to harvest and prepare crops, and refused to produce moccasins necessary for war-making. Ultimately Iroquois women won the power to veto war declarations. ... Since World War II, very few civil resistance movements that excluded women at the front lines succeeded. ... No movements have failed after getting 10% of the nation’s population to be actively involved in their peak event. Most succeed after mobilizing 3.5%. ... successful movements do not necessarily need to turn mortal enemies into active supporters. Civil resistance is not about converting the opponent or melting the hearts of brutal dictators. It is about pulling their supports away in key moments—and taking away their options. ... Digital technology makes it easy to skip the critical steps of building relationships, developing ongoing coalitions, planning strategies, building alternative institutions, and preparing a population for a long struggle. With the convenience of social media, many movements may fall into the trap of organizing only in the short term, moving from one event to another, while failing to absorb their base of supporters into long-term movement adherents. Every movement faces the temptation to put tactics before strategy. Social media dramatically increase that temptation. ... Civil rights organizer Bernice Johnson Reagon once said that if you’re comfortable with everyone in your coalition, you’re not in a coalition. Maintaining a winning coalition is much more difficult than selecting a clear and concrete objective; it often requires skilled mediators and a movement-wide willingness to resolve conflict through some accepted process. ... we know from historical studies that people tend to be more willing to put themselves in harm’s way than to actively hurt others. ... even more important than tactical discipline may be narrative discipline

I have grouped some of these quotes by topic, because the book is written in a very detailed and recursive style, repeating key findings in different contexts and in varying depths. No matter what question the reader wants to explore first, they will find the answer substantiated by research and other background info. This also makes the book hard to read, more like a study course - but one we desperately need to take. Maybe when translating it we could create a shorter version from the essentials (localized for each region's own political environment) and referenced back to the full text. This way we could have a format better suited for general education and organization needs.

[muthaz-rapapa]

Hirogaru Sky Impressions (3/5)

Alright~

So we're more than halfway there. Excited for leaks season yet?

Show is still going good despite the last 10 episodes being mostly filler. I don't have anything to really complain about since as far as fillers go, the quality of HiroPre's is definitely better than those of previous seasons.

But me being me, of course there is going to be some form of criticism so let's gogogo~ and get that over with.

Again, the fillers are quite enjoyable but ever since the recovery of Captain Shalala, doesn't it feel like we've gone too long without any plot-related episodes?

Thankfully, it seems they're getting back to that with ep 31 next week. But even so, the lack of clues or hints about the Undergu Empire and the reason for its antagonism dragged the show's momentum slightly. So it felt longer to get through these 10 weeks.

"Filler doldrums" as I'd like to call it because tuning into Precure weekly became more of chore than something to look forward to.

But it wasn't that bad so let's hope the next 10 episodes will be more balanced.

Moving on.

I spoke too soon on not having to worry about the handling of Mashiro's character arc anymore. Why am I surprised, though? Whenever I let my guard down, my expectations are always betrayed. Oiy.

But honestly, they got me all hoping and excited since they actually gave her potential content to work with. Like her taking an interest in creating picture books. Or even her cooking skills or passion for makeup. Or her long distance relationship with her parents. That's quite a bunch of material to expand on for her.

Instead, she's been regulated to the passenger seat again to let Sora drive.

On one hand, I understand and can accept that Sora would receive more focus since the she is the main character of the overall story. Her coming from another world and therefore being a fish out of water bird out of Skyland when it comes to most things Earth-related...along with being someone who's never had friends before due to spending most of her time training are all prime real estate for development.

However, you can't deny that there is a blatant amount of lead favoritism.

It's not as bad as previous seasons since the writing for HiroPre is a lot better. But when the rest of the cast individually gets one episode of spotlight for every five or so the lead gets, it can be tiresome or even suffocating to sit through.

...on another note, my theory about Captain Shalala possibly being a double agent for the Undergu Empire turned out to be wrong after all. But I think having the enemy take Shalala hostage was the more suitable direction to go for breaking Sora down in order to let her renew and restrengthen her resolve as a hero. The loss of respect for your idol can be a really difficult thing to bear and that might be too harsh a topic for Precure's target audience. It achieved similar effects to the Broken Pedestal trope anyway so no complaints there.

Anyways, we may have broken the Pink trend this year but I'm not optimistic it will stay that way as long as there's always one primary lead in each group. Frankly, I think we're going straight back to special Pink treatment for another 4 years before 25th anniversary but that's a thing to worry about later.

As for Tsubasa and Ageha, I was more satisfied with their focus eps. Mostly.

Tsubasa's always teaches you something new. I really liked the one about branching out your dream, which is something we all need to hear should we ever reach our goal or get stuck on what to do next. And Ageha's most recent one with her older sisters and her parents' divorce when she was younger provided more depth into how she became the person she is today.

But I wasn't pleased when the Peach airline promotion ep that should've been about Mashiro spending time with her parents went to Tsubasa instead. I mean, Tsubasa showing off his airplane knowledge is always amazing but...ngh, they really don't care for Mashiro, do they?

Another thing. I became a little concerned about the portrayal of Ageha. She is shown to be consistently confident and composed in most things she does...but most 18-year olds aren't like that. So I worried for a bit if that might've sent an unintentional message that "you should be as competent as Ageha when you reach adult age" which is like ehhhh......not true.

Though it's only a flaw you notice if you're incredibly scrutinizing like I am. And given Ageha's personality, there's nothing wrong with presenting her as such cuz she wouldn't be Ageha without those traits. But definitely think of her more as a role model instead of one to emulate, that's all.

Right so, next week...is not the debut of Cure Majesty.

YET.

But very soon. Maybe even the week after? September titles haven't been released yet (as of checking right now) but with only...wow, 18 more episodes to go, they better make the best of it.

I don't think Ellee-chan suddenly getting older will become too much of an issue with pacing...as long as they don't put her in school if she still largely retains the mind of a toddler.

Or maybe she'll only grow older when transforming into Precure and return to being a baby during off-hours? That'd be interesting...it wouldn't be as fun as seeing her more grown up, yea, but it'd be unexpected, at least.

Whatever. Just give me more lore and I'll be good.

Finally (haha), let's talk about the future of Precure for a bit.

This season is obviously not going to be the last of 'em. If it was, they wouldn't try to scare you with it in an All Stars movie preview of all things. They'd likely do it the boring way by just announcing it in the news. :P

Anyways, we can definitely expect the franchise to continue for another 5 years. 25th anniversary is something Toei absolutely has to aim for because it will be a double milestone.

Quarter of a century run for the Precure franchise.

And (if my projected calculations are correct), if we keep to teams of 4-5 every year up until till 2028, we will hit over 100 Precure total.

Pretty exciting, yes?

With mixed-gender teams no longer being just a dream (look, Cure Wing even made the news! WAAAAHHH!!! xD) and upcoming projects like the Otona Precure series and the all-male Precure stage play in the works, it's definitely a confirmation that this franchise has no intention of ending any time soon.

If you want more consumers of your product, you need to accommodate for a variety of people and all sorts of new and different ideas, aspects and tastes.

Formula they probably won't budge on too much (not for the main tv series anyway) but there always will be other rooms to explore, y'know?

Ok~ So Precure won't be ending but summer is~

Hope everyone enjoyed it in spite of the heat and best of luck in school or whatever your future endeavors are!

See you in another 10 eps! (^ _ ^)/"

[tuiyla]

NATLA Ep. 4 "Into the Dark" initial thoughts

Okay wow, I think this is my fav so far in terms of changes they've made. The best ep so far is probs Warriors but this was quite bold in the changes it's made and you know what, the first episode made me fear they'd be too timid to actually lean into their changes but no. Just like Danny Pudi put his whole Pudissy into his role, this episode committed to its direction and I can respect that even in places where I don't agree with the changes. The only exception is Bumi's tests, a lot of the dialogue and other aspects lifted straight from ATLA didn't work because it felt more forced in this context than anything. And overall I think Bumi is my least favourite part of the episode and its adaptation.

I was glad to see Jet in this episode, too, even if it was brief. I'm still lacking stronger emotions and a stronger presence from Katara but I'm glad for this goodbye with Jet and how it sets up exactly what it needs to. We did lose Jet being a foil to Sokka and there was a major missed opportunity in having Jet actually interact with Sai but ah well, can't have everything.

Instead of Sokka foiling it out with Jet there's the surprise inclusion of basically Book 2 Chapter 2 which I did not expect but am pleasantly surprised by. This ep went hard on the music taken straight from ATLA between the nomads' songs and Leaves From the Vine playing over the Iroh flashback. And! And!! Oma and Shu are lesbians!!! This is not a drill, Oma and Shu are lesbians in love. If there was one thing I hoped for in terms of the live action show it was casual queer representation and I got it in the most unexpected but pleasant place. Love it.

And!! On top of the surprising but not unwelcome inclusion of The Cave of Two Lovers, the story is recentered entirely on Sokka and Katara. I'll share more thoughts on this later but suffice to say I always love me some Water Sibs appreciation and this was much needed in this version. I still take issue with essentially erasing Katara's mothering of Sokka but it's clear the impact Hakoda leaving had on them is the same and, most probably in lieu of Bato of the Water Tribe, we get this storyline with them. The fact that love being the answer was reframed as the love between these two siblings is honestly a galaxy brain change and decision and I respect the hell out of it. There's still much lacking in terms of really fleshing out our cast but I will never, ever say no to more Water Sibs content. If we were gonna spend so much time in Omashu and put so many familiar faces in there, makes sense to also do the Omashu backstory AND utilize it to shine some light on the sibling dynamic that otherwise doesn't have much room to breathe in the live action. This is the kind of bold new direction that they have to take and own to make this show work.

I also enjoyed the Zuko and Iroh stuff and that's some interesting inclusion of more Book 2 things as well. The way even their plot from the Winter Solstice part one ep was integrated here is quite clever and I enjoyed both the past and present Iroh scenes. We'll see how they handle the actual Zuko backstory and I do think this version of Iroh needs a bit more, how should I put it, softness, but there's much to like here. Especially giving Zuko the option to pursue Aang instead and having him choose to rescue Iroh. Similar to a choice he made in the above mentioned Spirit World ep but honestly, lowkey more poignant here.

That's it for me for today but I'll watch the second half of the season tomorrow. I have to say, so far it has at least provided some interesting new takes worth taking a deeper critical look at, and I don't agree with those who dismiss the show entirely. It has merit even if, halfway through the first season, it's yet to convince me it can justify its own existence.

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

tuesday again 3/7/2023

soooooo there's another classic Dad Movie character ive adopted bc ive decided he's bisexual

listening

Black Hole Baby by Superorganism. i would put a marker down and say this is the sound of the summer but this came out last summer :/ the very flat (slightly chiptune?) delivery of the lyrics combined with the hyper bouncy...squelchy??? lasers? is extremely fun. this song is neither creepy nor wet but it is viscous bc u are on a spaceship partying as a black hole is Getting You

listen. anything that starts off with subway chimes and the following lyrics is going to be good. these are good song choices in my mind.

I've been eating fruit I've been sleeping well when I can

the bridge in the middle with bits and pieces of radio hosts shouting them out-- i could take it or leave it. i do like how this band namedrops themselves constantly. it's like an oil painting at an estate sale with a huge legible signature at the bottom.

-

reading

i have read about three-quarters of raymond chandler's oeuvre (hardboiled detective/film noir author and screenwriter of note) this week. i cannot in good faith recommend these books because they contain some of the worst excesses of their time, which is good bc this is not a review series.

sometimes, i'm watching or reading something and i decide it would be a good tuesdaypost candidate. i hate the term consume but it's the quickest descriptor here, so bear with me. if i am consuming a work based on the recommendation of a friend, it changes how i consume the work-- i'm on the lookout for the elements they used in their pitch. if i'm consuming a work to write an article or paper (rare these days) i'm stopping halfway through to take notes, i'm rewinding to catch details, i'm delving into interviews, i often fully rewatch or reread. if i'm liveblogging something i am mostly on the lookout for humorous and/or gay bits. if in the middle of something i catch myself thinking "ooh this would be good to talk about for the tuesdaypost" that introduces another like, film or lit crit level to the rest of my time with the work. it's very difficult to turn that part of my brain off.

when i am reading things just for me, none of that is there. i am fully immersed, my disbelief is suspended. i am not thinking about anything else but the story that is being told to me. ive spent a great deal of time with these books this week and it feels weird not to talk about them, but they are something i really enjoyed that was just for me.

i honestly don't know how to unpack my enjoyment of works that (at times) reflect the quite extreme racism of their author-- the one that grabbed me the most, Farewell My Lovely, contained some of the most callous and exceptionally cruel shit i've ever read. it also contained some of the most fascinatingly complex inner workings of an extremely closeted bisexual guy with ptsd i've ever read. i don't know how to talk about these books in an interesting or balanced way.

even if i did know how to unpack these things, the brief and light weekly roundup post on goddamn tumblr dot com (home to no nuance whatsoever) would not be the venue. this is an anti-review, in a way.

-

watching

a fuck of a lot actually bc i'm really trying to crank out this baby blanket and podcasts aren't really doing it. same username on letterboxd if u want to see early drafts of this tuesdaypost section.

i watched many films that came on two vhs tapes when i was little, bc charlton heston was one of my mom's favorite actors. i did not see spartacus when i was little but i did see the entirety of ben hur AND the ten commandments before i was eight. i can't make that make sense either.

anyway i have a soft spot for epics but only when i am actively doing things with my hands. this one has a more interesting making-of story than the actual movie, imo. this one also had oddly christian overtones, for being set in a time where christ and christianity did not yet exist. like many critics of the time, i have no strong feelings about mr douglas' acting. i really, really liked the soundtrack-- a delight to hear the love theme in context after hearing it in a thousand different soundtrack theme compilations!

-

playing

nothing that wasn't a phone game i've already talked about

-

making

five and a half repeats!!! i am aiming for ten repeats plus some sort of i-cord border so this is roughly halfwayish

i took this in broad daylight after a meeting like "if i knit more tonight i'll take another photo" and then i didn't knit any more tonight i read a bad western and halfheartedly liveblogged it

[roguelibrarian]

So about a million years ago (read: in August) I posted something about how I've been taking notes on the books I'm reading and do people want to see my patchwork stream-of-consciousness book reviews and the overall response was positive but then I just...didn't do it but now I am!

So, time for Book Club With Rogue, part 1

The book: Sounds Fake But Okay: An Asexual and Aromantic Perspective on Love, Relationships, Sex, and Pretty Much Everything Else by Sarah Costello and Kayla Kaszyca

EDIT: In addition to everything else I say in this post, the authors have revealed themselves to be raging antisemitic assholes (shocker, I know /sarcasm).

If those names sound familiar, it's because the authors host a podcast also called Sounds Fake But Okay, which I have not listened to.

I got this book from the library as part of my quest to read a bunch of this new slate of aro and ace nonfiction that's been coming out lately (pun intended) and boy was it a bad way to start off this adventure.

(just gonna say off the bat: CW toward the end of the post for racism and transphobia)

So for one thing, the authors state outright that this is not an "Ace 101" book and that's true, but only in the sense that they never go deep enough to even reach 101 level on any topic. Everything is touched on in the shallowest ways possible. Sometimes they'll wander closer to some deeper ideas and then drop them immediately. Throughout the book there are quotes from responses to a survey that the authors did, and these brief quotes from other people provide the deepest content you'll see in this book, but they're never followed up or expanded on. They're just dropped haphazardly into the middle of the page and immediately moved on from.

Idk imo it's just a little...Something that a bunch of random aspec people (their listeners, presumably) wrote the most substantial parts of the entire book for them, for free, but these two are getting all the credit.

This book is also so ace-centric. Aromanticism is discussed in every chapter, which is unfortunately more than I expect, but it's treated like it's inherently an extension of asexuality and not its own identity. Those survey quotes I mentioned above? Yeah, it took until halfway through the book for them to include a quote from an aro person. There's also no acknowledgement of the existence of allosexual aromantics or their perspectives on anything. And of course the only ace and aro experiences that are treated like they're meaningful and worth anyone's time are those of sex and romance favorable aspecs.

There's also this weird, almost proselytizing bit about polyamory and how everyone should do it because it's the best and heavily implying that anyone who says polyamory isn't for them just hasn't found the right way to do it. It was so uncomfortable.

There's this weird thing that's repeated throughout the book where the authors will criticize some some aspect of amatonormative society and then immediately be like "now we're not saying XYZ" when "XYZ" is something you'd have to be reading in extremely bad faith to think they were saying. One of the ones that made me want to hit my head against the wall the most was "One last time, we'd like to emphasize that we are not anti-romantic-sexual relationships - Kayla is literally in one!" (narrator voice: it was not the last time). The other was after a (pretty bad) explanation of the spectrum of sex/romance favorability/neutrality/aversion/repulsion. "The purpose of sharing this spectrum is not to indoctrinate the entire world into our system of labels." To which I say, why on earth would anyone, even the alloest allo to ever allo their way down allo street, think that it was? Literally what purpose does this disclaimer serve?

Like I get that aros and aces online have pretty much been conditioned to expect super bad faith readings of everything we say and try to preempt people yelling at us about shit they made up but...this is a professionally published aro and ace nonfiction book, not a tumblr post. The authors are well past the point of being beholden to whiny aphobes on the internet. It was all just so annoying and so unnecessary and they spent just as much, if not more, time going "we're not saying this" than they spent saying what they were actually trying to say.

There are also so many areas where it's very clear that the authors are either uninformed or under-informed about things that people holding themselves out as authorities on asexual and aromantic experiences really need to be informed about. One example is "There is, in fact, very little dialogue on what [legal standing for platonic partnerships] might look like, much less the impact it would have." There's actually a lot of dialogue on exactly that thing, especially in aro and ace communities, and it is weird that two people who've had a successful podcast about asexuality for years and now published a book about it don't know that. They also do the "gay marriage is assimilation" nonsense and claimed that Obergefell v Hodges "harmed" the "queer cause" with zero acknowledgement of context or why it mattered.

There was a whole chapter about asexuality and aromanticism and gender (well...really it was about asexuality and gender) and I was so brave about powering through it seeing as it was written by two white cis women. It wasn't quite as egregiously bad as I expected it to be but at best it was still like, White Feminist Baby Ace's First Analysis Of The Intersections of Asexuality And Gender.

There is zero engagement with race other than a weird moment of the authors being like "our cis white upper middle class families are super cool and progressive and accepting but look at all these examples of those other cultures being queerphobic."

And finally, there is the H*rry P*tter shit. It's clear from the references made throughout the book that both of the authors are avid HP fans. But that's not what irritates me (though imo that would be enough). No, what irritates me is that at the very end of the book there is this completely random, out of left field little essay about how "many trans people" have gotten "hope and comfort" from the HP books and R*wling's "views on gender" (yes, that is how they choose to refer to her violent transphobia and her leading the charge on attack after attack on trans people's right to exist and her repeated, direct harassment of trans children) don't "take away" from that. Again, the authors are cis women. This is part of a weird, shoehorned-in, completely random bit about how "it's okay to like problematic media uwu" and it's like, even if you for some reason must write something like this into your book that has fuck all to do with this topic, it sure is A Choice for the example you reach for to be one of the most heinously transphobic (and racist and antisemitic and fatphobic and every other terrible thing) authors in the modern world. The whole thing really just came off as cis white girls getting defensive about their continued HP fandom and stomping their feet and pouting about even the hypothetical idea of someone criticizing any media that they like.

tldr - it was bad, 0/10 do not recommend, and definitely do not recommend for anyone who wants to learn more about asexuality or aromanticism

[ajokeformur-ray]

GIRL I SCREAMED TODAY I was going through some books I've to study for an exam and the main author of one book goes "Fleck" as the last name 🥺🥺 who knows maybe you studied/will study him too! 🥺🫶🏻 Taking this as a sign of good luck, you've no idea for how long or the extent of how I've been struggling with uni and I could use some 🥹🤞🏻 btw I may be too busy to reply but I've been reading all of your updates with uni and your posts and I'm so proud of you! 😭 I've been rooting for you all along and sending you love and luck and wishes every time I thought of you or liked your posts. I couldn't be prouder than that 😭💙 You're one of those people I've been looking up to all this time and if I'll be even half strong as you are I know I'll get through this 🥹🥹🥹💙💙💙 and Arthur is v proud of you as well. We all are! 🥺💙 You deserve long months of rest, treating yourself and lots of fun & Arthur loving now. 💙🥺 And I hope your toe is better and will heal completely soon, if it didn't already which I hope 🥺💙

💙🐝☕🐝💖

OH MY GODDDD FLECK?????🥹🥹🥹🥹😍😍😍😍That's so cuuuuuuuuuute ~ omg please!!! I haven't come across anyone with the last name 'Fleck' yet; my university textbooks are written by my lecturers.🥹That is DEFINITELY a sign of good luck and I wish you all the best with your exams!!!!! You know more than you think you do and it's usually the case that we're doing better than we think, because we're our own worst critics.🫂💖I'm so sorry you've been struggling with uni, Fla, I DEFINITELY relate and I'm sending you lots of strength and Arthur cuddles to get through this!!🫂💖

You're proud of me???? FLA🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹I have struggled so badly with this year and I really need to figure out what exactly scares me so bad about the monthly assignments that I freeze up until the very last second; I'm now at the halfway mark of my degree but it's happened with every assignment ever since I started and I've never been able to figure out what scares me so badly😭💔Thank you thank you for rooting for me and sending me love and luck; it's gotten me through every moment I thought I couldn't do it and I appreciate you and your unending support so much. I'm rooting for YOU and I'm here if you ever wanna bounce ideas off of someone or discuss theories or anything at all; sometimes having a soundboard helps to dislodge a few things and make it easier to understand! I'm so so proud of you and thank you for being proud of me too😭😭😭😭

You're so much stronger than you think you are, Fla, and I admire YOU. Creatively, intellectually and academically, I really admire you.😭I wish you nothing but the best in all things.🫂💖🫂💖🫂💖Arthur's proud too?!!!! Oh my gooddddd🥺🥺🥺🥺😭😭😭😭that's it, you've killed me, put this on my tombstone😭😭😭😭I got up at noon and it's barely 4pm and I'm back in bed already😂💖Arthur loving!!! I definitely need a lot of that💖I hope you're able to get some time for you and Arthur as well, honey, he's so so proud of you and we're both rooting for you every step of the way!!!💖

My toe isn't better!!! I have a check-up at the doctors tomorrow; it hasn't healed at all since I went in last week so I don't know what's gonna happen but I'm meant to go back to work in 4 days; I've been off work for almost a MONTH because of my toe😭 I'm not sure what's happening with my toe but I'll find out tomorrow.💔

[littledreamling]

all the get to know me flowers you haven't answered yet? 😁 (yes I read tags and I enable oversharing)

Cara, that's almost all of them lmaooo (thank you for enabling my oversharing). As a compromise, I'll pick the ones I got really excited to answer when I reblogged it!

cactus ⇢ something you’re currently learning (about)?

For the foreseeable future, my main learning focus is microbiology with a focus on genetics, genomics, and the production of hormones via proteins. My intended career path is to do research at a university, hopefully studying the human genome and genetic diseases. In the short term, however, I'm learning about all kinds of things! This past semester, I took an absolutely fascinating history class (as I'm sure long-time followers will know) and this upcoming semester, I'm looking forward to a creative writing class as well as two philosophy/religion classes (Legal, Scientific, and Critical Reasoning and Eastern Religious Traditions). I try to include as many elective classes as I can because I'm trying to get as much scope as I can in my education. In the immediate (as in, the book I just put down), I'm learning about String Theory and physics, particularly in trying to find what's been dubbed the God Equation. I've never been interested in physics, but it's more interesting than I've ever given it credit for!

abelia ⇢ do you have a particular piece of jewelry you always wear or can’t part with?

I wear several rings on a daily basis, but only two have any sentimental value: one is a Celtic knot ring that I feel really connected to, and the other is a ring with the greek letters of my sorority (I know, shocking that I'm in a sorority, go ahead and judge me now lmao) which my mom gave me when I joined (she was in the same sorority in college, which is something that really connects the two of us). My other significant piece of jewelry (some might say my signature piece) is a necklace that belonged to my great-uncle. We had a really interesting relationship and I have some really fond childhood memories with him, so being able to wear his necklace every day is very special to me.

aloe vera ⇢ what’s something (mundane) you really want to experience in life?

It might sound odd, but I want an office, specifically an academic office. It's such a mundane thing to want and very over-romanticized in fics and in general, but if it's going to be my inevitable future, I should probably start romanticizing it now, right? I love the idea of having a space that's all my own, dedicated to my studies; a shrine to my life's work and my passions. I want to be able to decorate it with tons of potted plants and microscope slides and science posters and far too many coffee mugs. It already feels like a home away from home and I don't even have it yet lmao

nutmeg ⇢ how’s your room/home decorated? do you have a specific theme or style going on?

My room, supposedly, is kind of boho themed, though I hesitate to call it that. Realistically, I fell in love with that aesthetic when I was in middle school, begged my parents to let me redecorate when I was in high school, and then very quickly realized how expensive redecorating is (and how buying things for a boho aesthetic defeats the purpose of the entire exercise, which is supposed to be items collected from traveling the world) so I gave up about halfway through. I think the style of my room can be consolidated into three words: wood, color, and books. Almost everything in my room is either made of wood or very colorful and I have far too many books piled on every available surface. It suits me, I think, and while there are some changes I would make if I had the time and money, I'm pretty happy with it overall!

From this ask!

[wildfoxes-spirit]

I'm going through some shit and just need to rant

Some history about everything: I have been in three different states and gone through twice as many schools. I started reading in preschool, I was in the younger class so around 3 years old. At first the teachers thought that I had just memorized the book but my mom got me a book from the library and I read it to her. Because of this I got to go and spend time with the 4 year olds for half of the day. I think this was when the troubles really started. I could have skipped kindergarten but that required doing all of the work in half of the year. My parents didn't want me to have to do that so we just kept me we're I was. I'm almost about to finish 8th grade and this is going to be really long. I had a speech delay when I was learning. I knew that my mom knew what I wanted so I didn't even try to learn and had to go to speech therapy for a year or two I think. And then I had a really bad British accent despite being from the United States.

The trouble with school started back in first grade when I was doing hybrid school. 3 days online and 2 days in person. My mom and I would get into fights over one subject in particular. Writing. It would take a good two hours to do 30 minutes of writing. This was when I was still practicing letters. Well we had switched schools so I wasn't in the same school that I was. This was a traditional school five days a week in person. Well this was when I got my first glasses. We had gone to the eye doctor before school started and I had no issues. But one day my teacher had a page up on the screen that we had to copy down and I couldn't read it. She zoomed in quite a bit and I even moved closer but still couldn't see. Yeah, my prescription is pretty thick now. Anyways the lines were redrawn in the middle of the year so I moved schools. The first year wasn't to bad but the third is when things escalated. I HATED school in third grade. Absolutely HATED it. I didn't ride the bus anymore because it was to crowded and I didn't like it. Also this was around the time fortnight came out and little me was very against it because, and I quote, "people are going to try to replicate it in real life and eventually they will use real guns instead" I had a good family, lived in a good area, I don't know where I got the idea. But that's always how I've been, even now I'm critical but I'll get to that later. I had really bad migraines had a child and had to learn how to swallow pills earlier because that was the only form the medication came in. But the migraines were so bad that I missed a lot of school because I would throw up halfway through the day because the lights were making it worse.

I had to get dragged out of my mom's car most of the time and I was left kicking and screaming. It was bad. I was also a biter during this time so my mom would have large bruises on her art from where I bit her. I sat in the principals more then once just so that I was in the building. What's stupid is that I was right by the door. I would reach for it from the chair but I probably could have made it if I just bolted. I knew how to get home to, the school wasn't that far. Eventually we developed a system: if I came in without a fuss I could spend some time building a Lego set, but if I gave mom a hard time I had to go straight to class. I think it was the special ed room and teachers that did that but I don't remember. I could also go there if there was an assembly of any kind in the gym. I was REALLY sensitive to crowds and loud noises back then, still am but way less. So it worked for a while but it ended up a struggle again. I didn't participate in one of the biggest assignments and just kinda... slumped. I'm actually crying as I'm writing this while laying in bed at 10:06 EST.

I got tested at the end of third grade before we left Indiana for Texas. They thought that I might have autism but further testing would be required. I don't remember when I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety. So we move to Texas and I start fourth grade. It's a great start. Some days were rougher then others but there was one time when my mom came for lunch and I was begging her to take me home with her. Like lunch ended and I had to be pried off her and was placed in an isolated room with an adult to watch me. My teachers had never seen me like this before so they were shocked and disappointed. Everyone was disappointed. The next year I moved schools again. A school had been built on the hill behind our house. Things were mostly okay. There were two subs that I didn't like tho. It was a married couple and they did jack shit. I'm reading class one day we were supposed to be working on something in groups but the sub was telling a story of his time in the military. I was 10 at this point and I raised my hand and pointed out that we had shit to work on and his story was incredibly distracting and unnecessary. I don't remember what he said but when I got home I was in tears. There was one other time we're his wife was subbing for our math class while our teacher was in a meeting and I straight up left the classroom without notifying anyone. I took my work and I did it out in the common area. When the teacher came back, and only then, did I re-enter the classroom. Oh and before we moved autism was ruled out and I was diagnosed with ADHD instead (I have the mix version)

That brings us up to 6th,7th and 8th. 6th grade was covid, there's not much. I hated the program of the school I was at because I was doing virtual. Did I mention we moved states again? The program was reviewing stuff that I already knew so when I switched schools to be at the one that I'm currently at they were reviewing for the end of the year test. 7th was a rollercoaster but not to important. I dated for the first time (and last), got in official detention... Fun. What I really want to talk about is 8th.

How many of you remember your 8th grade year. Was it as shit as mine currently is? I find myself critical of everything. I hate when there's a sub, not only does it thow me off but it means that I'm most likely to sit out in the hallway to I don't murder someone. A lot of the subs are incompetent. They don't keep the brats in like and have even made it worse. If someone could meet the brats from doing shit they shouldn't be the maybe, MAYBE, my sanity wouldn't buy dropping. I find that I'm a lot more mature then most of the brats. It's like putting an adult with toddlers. I'm also a bit of a control freak sometimes. But more often then not I have wanted to disappear from the face of the earth because I can't put up with the . I would be a horrible parent. Good thing I'm not having kids. And I can't tell what sent me into depressive episode 54, I don't think ADHD, depression, and being on my period was a good combo and yet here I am.

I would roast some of them but apparently arson is illegal

Why am I still here? Is it really worth crying at 10:40EST about life? I mean does anyone truly believe in me? i don't. Why did I have to be such a fuck up. I was a pain in the ass from the moment I was supposed to be born. I didn't want to come into this world and I still don't want to be here. Do my friends ever notice when I'm there? Would they even care if I stopped talking? Why am I always an outsider no matter who I'm with. Am I even going to be able to survive out there? All I can do is draw and hide.

[queen-susans-revenge]

a meme, thank you @klaproos for thinking of me!

favorite color: I went into it a little bit more here but it's basically burnt sienna with a bronzy shimmer, like so

currently reading: Haley Campbell, All the Living and the Dead, mostly because Neil Gaiman recommended it. I don't read a lot of nonfiction but like everybody else I have been thinking a lot about death in the past couple years, so it's very interesting.

last song: okay I just fired up Spotify and here's what it was in the middle of last time I closed it. This is not even a great remix, I like the original much better, but I do listen to a lot of Grimes. In fact this came up because I was in the middle of the complete Grimes collection on Spotify, which I often put on loop when I just need music in the background.

I am in a perpetual state of "oh girl no" over Grimes but I completely love her music. I just wish there was more focus on her art and process as opposed to her personal mess, and I think the treatment she gets is sexist because dudes are allowed to be wild self-indulgent freaks who are still taken seriously as artists. Grimes is a wild self-indulgent freak who should still be taken seriously as an artist.

last tv show: The Netflix series Cyberpunk: Edgerunners. I do not watch a lot of anime, but I love the art style on this one. All the colors, mmm. I'm about halfway through the series.

Cyberpunk in general is an easy sell for me. Take me to neon reflecting in rainy streets while hovercars go by overhead and cyborgs sit around slurping from bowls at noodle stands, and you don't even have to buy me dinner. I'm already a slut for it.

That said, there's a tension in a lot of cyberpunk, a retro fixation within a genre that ostensibly depicts the future but is rapidly being outpaced by the present. A weirdly large element of it is nostalgia for the 80s and 90s, and there's some social attitudes from those decades that get pulled in wholesale along with the aesthetic. Sex workers get murdered a lot. Depictions of racial minorities skew towards the cringe. There's a moral simplicity to the noir landscapes it tends to build: the heroes might be "edgy" but they're pitted against monsters so grotesque that there's never really any question about where right and wrong lie. Violence is cathartic and solves a lot of problems.

There's a trans critic, El Sandifer, who has written a couple of very insightful pieces of criticism, both on the cyberpunk genre in general and on the Cyberpunk 2077 world in particular. I love her observation that "cyberpunk is still a living genre; a successful prediction of the future that continues to be made long after it’s come true." And I think her conclusion—that the genre badly needs a queerer perspective—is the right one.

This series does not have a queer perspective. But what it does have is mirrorshades and samurai on motorbikes, and some really beautiful action sequences that unfold in supersaturated neon colors. So I'm in.

last movie: Thor: Love and Thunder. Iunno, it was all right. I didn't want my money back or anything. In terms of MCU movie rankings I would put it somewhere solidly mid. Better than Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness I guess.

I think we're all kind of burned out on Marvel content, right? The last MCU thing I can think of that felt fresh or compelling was the Ms. Marvel series and even that is already fading into forgetability. Can I get more of Yelena and new energy-flavor Hawkeye? I liked them a lot.

sweet/savory/spicy: savory.

currently working on: I'm now more than 100k words into the space pirate novel and probably have another 20k or 30k to go. It will be a long book but it is all one book (I was wondering earlier if I should split it up, which I kind of wanted to because it would mean I could start shopping around the first part, but unfortunately I think the answer is that I really do have to write the whole thing first.)

And the chapter I just finished was like, the most fun to write in the whole book. It was a sex scene followed by some pillow talk. Now I have to do corporate intrigue and hacker stuff, which is much harder to make interesting. It's part of why I'm watching cyberpunk shows, to get inspired.

tagging everybody! Anybody who wants to! I get anxious about tagging people both from the point of view of possibly annoying someone, and from the point of view of possibly making someone else feel overlooked, so as usual I will take the coward's way out on this one.