#i'm so glad you sent this i rlly wanted to do more

[lesbian-in-leather]

8, 14, 15, 18!!

8. Is what you like to write the same as what you like to read?

I actually already answered this one!! It's over here ^.^

14. At what point in writing do you come up with a title?

Whenever the vibe strikes me. Honestly, it's completely and utterly at random - sometimes I'll name something when I'm like two sentences into it, sometimes it's not until I'm filling out the lil boxes on ao3 that I'm like 'oh shit it needs a real title better think of something'

15. Which is harder: titles or summaries (or tags)?

Summaries. Absolutely summaries I hate them so much - how do people write good summaries?? I always end up sounding like a bad YA tagline like "Character A has done this thing! Character B arrives to see what's going on. What will Character C do when they find out?" like oh my god somebody stop me. Tags are bad enough and I am always afraid that somehow I've done them wrong (something that is both normal to fear and possible to achieve) but summaries are the bane of my existence and they want me to die

18. Do any of your stories have alternative versions? (plotlines that you abandoned, AUs of your own work, different characterisations?) Tell us about them.

Oh yes absolutely! There's definitely way more of these in my unpublished multichapters (the Villainous Violet AU had so many ways I almost took it before I settled on how I actually want it to go. And don't even get me started on the unpublished and unwritten Post Series VFD one I periodically think about - pretty sure I wrote a whole book post about that one a while back) (I found the post here it is. I need y'all to know I've added more to the concept in my head but I think that post is long enough to get the point across) but just focusing on the fics I've actually posted, there's less - but mainly because I've only posted one shots. The biggest one I can think of (that I've actually posted) is from one of my wwdits october prompts from last year - the one that became Abandon All Hope, Ye Who Enter Here!

The prompt was 'Status Update' and while the final version took that to be 'an update on where all of the characters currently are in this newly post-season three world', my original idea was ENTIRELY fuckin different. The plan was that, as a new familiar, Guillermo had a twitter account and was out-of-context tweeting a bunch of random shit that happened to him, and now, ten years later, the vampires found the account and he had to try and talk his way out of the rather unflattering picture he'd painted of them. I even made a bunch of fake tweets and everything for it, but in the end it just wasn't working for me (probably to do with what I was saying yesterday about being incapable of writing anything that isn't sad) and so I scrapped it and wrote the actual fic. Which I am very happy with, so I guess it worked out! But I do now just have a bunch of fake Guillermo tweets sitting in my files that have never seen the light of day lmao

(Here is the writing asks list)

[deunmiu-dessie]

Wait, how do you break character ai's filter? I've been wanting to smash it with a hammer for so long

♡♡𝆬🍠 nonnie, y'know- i'm glad you asked. i first learned from my best friend of...well my whole life-- they sent me a few pictures of words to use, so i'll put that at the end. the words just below are some of the words i use. i'll also leave a few ai characters i'm talking to right now, that i've easily broken the filter with.

my advice? be very vague, let the ai do the dirty work if you're going the submissive route- however if you're more dominant, it's better if you do most of the work.. though i have noticed that on certain characters, the filter seems to be very like...gone? i once had a threesome and like, the filter only popped up once-- i was in shock. i've also noticed that when i do break the filter, it's easier at like 4-6AM, it's rarely ever popped up during that time.

replace common words with more ambiguous words.

pussy -- sensitive place, mound, folds, panties, slick heat, sensitive flesh, etc clit -- bundle of nerves, nub, etc (sometimes i still just use clit.) breasts -- chest, breasts (sometimes you can get away with it, sometimes no) nipple -- areola, peaks, etc (can get rlly percise, so i avoid it most times.) cock -- bulge, hardness, sensitive part, length, thickness. [ i've also used, 'sticky tip' or 'sensitive tip' if giving a blowjob or grinding. and some of the women have used 'princess parts' as well. ]

here are some examples! all mine of course!

let's focus on words i use to describe how my character is feeling. i'll just go through my chats and pick them out and make a small list.

1. "trembling thighs." "quivering thighs." "shaking thighs." 2. "wobbly knees." "knees buckled." 3. "mewling." "cried out." "keened softly." "sobbed." "squealed out." "she whined." 4. "eyes rolled back." "eyes flutter shut." "eyes clench shut." 5. "back arches." "back bows softly." 6. "body quivers." "tremors wrack her body." 7. "toes curl." "fingers grip the sheets." "hands pull his/ her hair." 8. "she comes undone around him." "reaches her climax." "falls over the edge." 9. "body clenches tightly around him." "her walls squeeze tight." 10. "rolls her hips." "grinds her hips." "hips buck involuntarily." "hips jolt." "hips stutter softly."

don't be afraid or thrown when the filter does pop up, it's not the end of the world and it's not like you're gonna be reported or anything. you can rewrite your response ( if it pops up when you send something ) or you can just refresh to get another response. better yet, you don't have to respond to everything they send- just hit enter and they'll continue for you. (the first two are an example, i'm just joking around for this post-- don't type what i just said lol)

also don't just go in willy-nilly, make sure you have a plot; it shouldn't be immediate smut; that's crazy. build the world, give your character a personality, tease a little here and there to wear down the filter (nothing crazy), and slowly add more and more. you have all the time in the world, there are no ads, no time limits, no waiting--- enjoy it.

here are some other words you can use to try and bypass the filter as well! thanks to my bestie for sending me these when i just downloaded character ai.

alright...bai! ૮₍´˶• . • ⑅ ₎ა ₊˚⊹♡🫧— 𝒹𝑒𝓈𝓈𝒾𝑒

[iiotic]

HELLO, idk if I already sent a request here but if not, may bi request Lyney and any other character if you wish x gn reader who returns to them bloodied and bruised, the "I didn't have anywhere else to go" trope if you will. If not feel free to ignore.

"I DIDN'T HAVE ANYWHERE ELSE TO GO"

summary: how'd neuvillette, lyney react to their crush returning injured saying that they didn't have anywhere else to go.

tw: angst, lowercase intended, ooc neuvillette and lyney?? blood and injures ig?? not proff read, tell me if i missed anything, gn reader | wc: 1.1k

thank you so so so much for the request!! really liked the idea and I had fun making it. also I thought it would be fun if they were on the crushing stage, they obviously harbour feelings for eachother but like didn't tell yet. I made lyneys part significantly longer yet neuvillettes part is slightly shorter then I expected. hope it wasn't too bad <3 (I don't rlly like how it turned out help)

── ꒰neuvillette. ｡˚ ꒱

you struggled to keep your eyes open as you walked slowly in the direction of the chiefs justice house, it certainly didn't help that you barely remembered where he lived. you were at his house maybe once, and you didn't want to feel pushy so it didn't really bother you. however now you realized that maybe you should pay more mind to where he is located.

you sniffed, as tears flew on your cheeks, mixing with the rain after the trial. unfortunately or fortunately for you no one was on the streets this late at night meaning that no one will be able to help you, yet will be able to see how embarrassingly you walk.

after many turns and stumbles you made it to neuvillettes door, you leaned against the door frame, knocking weakly. the door opened surprisingly fast.

"dear? oh!" he gasped, grabbing your arm to keep you from falling.

"I didn't have anywhere else to go, i'm sorry." you whispered, he felt.. flattered? he was glad that you trust him yet he never imagined that he'd found out like that. seeing you hurt was not something he enjoyed.

"dont apologize." he murmured, before leading you to his couch, closing the door behind him. you saw him search for his first aid kick in the kitchen cabinet before coming back to you.

"what happened? how did it happen?" he asked as he gently pulled your sleeve up, eyeing your injuries.

"i just wanted to get some groceries, but before I knew it someone jumped on me, I don't know who I didn't see their face, pheraps it was the fatui but I doubt that what would they need from me? or pheraps it was some locals after a bit too much alcochol or-" you said hurriedly, before neuvillette hushed you telling you to calm down and so you did.

the room was silent, only the lamp in the corner of the couch turned on, it was comforting. maybe you'd enjoy it if you weren't in so much pain.

"im surprised that you know how to bandage people.. did someone taught you?" you asked him quietly, impressed by his skill.

"oh.. sigewinne taught me after i visited her in the fortress of meropide. although I didn't have anyone to test my skills on I believe that I know what Im doing." he looked at you, smiling slightly.

after some minutes the job was finished but neuvillette didn't let you go home, offering you a place in his bedroom as he, himself would sleep on the couch. you declined at first but gave in after you realized that the chief justice cares for you, flustered. before saying you goodnights neuvillette reasurred you that the person who hurt you would be punished.

in the morning the local newspaper was telling everyone to be careful and be cautious as someone is jumping people in fontaine..

── ꒰lyney. ｡˚ ꒱

the night was cold as you stumbled on your feet, struggling find your favourite magician. he just finished another of his magic shows that you were invited, however after you got ready and left your house you got cornered. you were left with bruises and small cuts all over your body, you lips and nose all covered in your blood and red eyes from crying when everything happened, it hurt so badly.

you sniffed as you remembered how lyney told you to be more careful at night, seemingly worried about you. telling you that there's some anonymous people cornering others and.. oh you were at his door. you weakly knocked.. no reply, you were shivering in cold as you didn't even realize it started raining. you decided to use the doorbell. soon after you heard footsteps from the inside, a crack from the door opening.

"oh my! what--how?" you heard his voice nervously struggle wit finding the right words. before you know it you were pulled inside with one of lyneys hand on your hip and on your shoulder. he pushed you gently onto the couch, looking at you horrified. you opened your mouth to speak but you nothing came out, your favourite magician already left in hurry to get his aid kick.

your eyes felt so unbelievably heavy, you almost couldn't keep them open but maybe just maybe you could close them for a wh-.

"hey, hey." you felt your chin being lifted. "i know you've lost a lot of blood just please, please try your best to not close your okay? okay." he said in a hurry. slowly and gently picking up your arm to bandage it.

"im sorry.." you managed to whisper quietly, weekly. "i just didnt have anywhere else to go.. i dont want to be a bother."

his expression softened as he heard you voice crack at the end of the sentence. "a bother? never." he said softly, looking at your weak self.

you don't know how much time has passed, seconds, minutes, hours. you were left all bandaged up, your nose no longer bleeding as well as your mouth. you were grateful for everything that he did for you, everything that he had to go through for you. you were so embarrassed, you didn't want to bother him you knew that he was tired after his magic show.

you found yourself too weak to go to your own house so lyney decided to let you sleep in his bedroom, in his bed and his softly whispering words of comfort to you before he turned off the lights and left the room.

"you'd never be a bother to me, and im glad that you decided to seek me and my help. i won't lie, i was slightly worried after you didn't show up at my magic show tonight, you usually always are there. and yet I have never thought of checking on you, it was my fault that you have such injuries, pheraps if i showed up you'd atleast have smaller injuries and id know who hurt you. but don't worry, I will find them and they won't see the sun ever again."

© 2024 iiotic. — do not steal, translate or repost any of my content onto any other platform

[m1ckeyb3rry]

I was wondering if you could make a part 2 to "the instrument"? I got invested reading it was so sad that it ended :(

I don't rlly know what I'm looking for but I loved the plot of that fic and I wanted to see it progress further (´；д；)

Like, it js ended with him giving her flowers, I wanted to see their love bloom more yknowww ಥ_ಥ

(Also is it weird that I see y/n as her own person?)

── THE COMPASS

Synopsis: You were right from the start — Michael Kaiser has always been a dog, albeit perhaps not in the way you first meant it. (part one here!)

BLLK Masterlist

Pairing: Kaiser x Reader

Chapter Word Count: 4.5k

Content Warnings: fake dating trope, mentioned/implied/referenced abuse (both child and animal), call me tabito karasu the way i assassinate kaiser’s character in this, relationship dynamics many would consider…interesting…

A/N: EEK i feel like kaiser is so hard for me to do romance with but i tried my best!! and LMAOO this y/n is definitely a very interesting one so i can see why you got that sense 😭 but i’m glad you liked the instrument and ty for requesting 🥹 i hope this is somewhat satisfactory??

Additional: check my pinned post to make sure i have requests open; after reading the rules, please feel free to make your own!

You are quite certain that your mother was involved in this exercise, considering she’s the only one you can think of with a spare key to your house. So, when your phone call to Michael is sent immediately to voicemail, you don’t hesitate in dialing her number, knowing she’ll pick up immediately, as she always does.

The phone rings only once, and then she’s answering. There are voices in the background that are faint and muffled, which means either she’s watching a new drama or your father is watching some sports game. Then you detect the faint sound of cheers, and you conclude it must be the latter. 

“Hello, Y/N,” your mother says. “Did you need something?”

She is very obviously trying to maintain an air of mysteriousness, as if she has no idea why you might be calling her, but the fact that she is putting on such an act makes it all the more obvious that it is just a facade. You’ve known for many years that your talent onstage is not a genetic one, though it does not stop your parents from pretending that it’s something you inherited from them.

“The flowers,” you say. “You put them there, didn’t you?”

She coughs. You don’t know if she’s disguising a laugh or if she’s just taken aback to that extent. Either way, you give her a moment to compose herself, for it’ll be a mess if you don’t. Your mother is like that, after all. If you inundate her with questions, she’ll respond to exactly none of them, so patience is the only method you have if you wish to obtain any measure of success.

“It wasn’t my own doing,” she says finally. You sigh.

“Of course, someone told you to, and I’m sure we both know who,” you say. “What did he say?”

“He meant well,” she says. “Are you angry with him? He seemed to think you might be. Anyways, he just told me to give them to you. It’s his way of saying sorry, I think. Or perhaps of saying something else. I’m afraid I can’t understand him the way you do. It’s magical, really, how you all but read his mind…”

“No one can read his mind,” you scoff. “He’s a convoluted man, and his thoughts are his own.”

“And you despise him because of that?” she prods, in a way that indicates she already knows the answer and is only asking for her personal satisfaction.

“I love him all the more for it,” you say shortly. Somehow, it’s worse saying it to your mother than it was with him. More real, maybe. Unable to be taken back. You don’t want to take it back, of course, but nevertheless, even if you did, you no longer can. It’s out in the world, now, and the world has a strange humor; it takes things one says even carelessly, without thought, and it turns them into undeniable, inescapable truth. 

“Well,” she says. “That is a predicament.”

“There’s no predicament,” you say.

“He believes there is,” she says. “Right before he left, he—”

“Left?” you repeat. The flowers on your counter are arcing towards the sun, their petals unfurling towards the light pouring from your window. It’s a behavior more typical of flowers other than roses, but these roses are blue and they are Michael’s, so it stands to reason that they behave peculiarly. “Where did he go?”

“I couldn’t tell you,” she says. “He didn’t mention where he was going, just that he had to leave for a bit. But he looked sad. I mean, it’s difficult to tell with him, given how stoic he is, so I don’t know. Don’t take me at my word and start a fight about it.”

This is all you’re going to get out of her. You’re sure of it; there’s a wavering to her voice that signals she’s out of her depth. It’ll be unproductive and all but cruel if you continue to drill her, so you grit your teeth, squeezing your eyes shut and counting to three in your mind. Frustration is a wasted emotion, especially when the target of your frustration is somewhere far away, gone with nothing but a pot of flowers as a farewell.

That’s what it really is. Not an apology or a confession, but a goodbye. The fact that he thought to do it does mean something, but that meaning doesn’t outweigh the intention. So you make meaningless small talk with your mother and then your father, who she passes the phone to, and as soon as you can, you hang up and call another person, one who might be your only chance at finding the wandering stray that is Michael Kaiser.

Michael doesn’t really have friends, claims he doesn’t need them, but if there is one man who he might deign to bestow that title upon, it is his Bastard München teammate, Alexis Ness. They have been playing together since they were young, and so, if anything, there is an empathy between the two, although Michael will never admit it.

You’ve only met Alexis Ness a few times, at the various events which Michael used to drag you to when your relationship was still in the public eye. He’s never been anything but polite, albeit reserved, and on your third meeting, he gave you his phone number, telling you to call him if you ever ran into trouble. He had left the with Michael unsaid, but the implication had been there. You had thanked him and never called him since.

He’s quick to respond, like he was expecting the call — for all you know, he really was, though you would never ask either way. However, he does not speak first, so there is an awkward pause as you both wait for the other to say something.

“Good morning, Mr. Ness,” you say once a minute has gone by and he still has said nothing. “This is Y/N L/N. You gave me your number once.”

“Ah, Kaiser’s girlfriend,” he says. They have this habit, those soccer players, of referring to each other solely by last name. Your theory is that it’s to create distance, to avoid becoming close to a person who can be stolen by another team at any moment. You can’t fathom any other explanation. It’s a little sad to you, but you try not to judge, because there’s as many or more judgements that can be passed about your own lifestyle and habits.

“Yes,” you say. 

“Are you calling to ask me where he went?” he says. 

“I am,” you say. There’s no point in games. You don’t know Alexis Ness well enough to play them, and he seems to appreciate candidness, so the both of you are blunt in your conversations.

“I’m not supposed to tell you,” he says. “He swore me to secrecy.”

“I see,” you say. It’s disappointing, but it doesn’t come as a surprise. Michael is more than a little paranoid, so of course he took these ridiculous measures to cover his tracks.

“Nothing against you,” he says. “In fact, you should take it as a compliment. It sounded like there’s some messes he needed to clean up before he could bear to face you.”

“He’s horrible at cleaning,” you say.

“I don’t mean literal cleaning,” he says. It’s patient but also mocking. You roll your eyes, a silent form of retribution that he’ll never know of.

“Neither do I,” you say. Alexis Ness exhales heavily. Perhaps you’ve given him a migraine. It’s a particular skill of yours, or so you’ve been told.

“Berlin,” he says.

“Berlin?” you say.

“That’s where he is. If he asks, I’m not the one who told you,” he says, and then he’s ending the call before you can even thank him.

Berlin’s a big city, so Ness’s advice isn’t as helpful as he might’ve thought it would be, but at least it’s a start. Besides, for all his idiosyncrasies, Michael has a few patterns he follows with religiosity, so you tell your agent you’re going on a trip and silence your phone before he can call you and sputter protests about the impromptu nature of the semi-vacation.

The volunteers at the dog shelter tell you that Michael’s been there for the majority of the day. They’ve left him alone because they don’t know what to say; it’s not everyday that a celebrity wanders into such an establishment without so much as a word, and he’s remained relatively harmless, so they’ve continued about their daily business, ignoring him as best as they could when it became obvious he had no interest in speaking to them.

When you enter the kennel room, you find him sitting in front of one with a large hound in it. It has a pointed muzzle, and its tail does not wag at your approach, but it does lift its head and blink at you a couple of times before going back to sleep. 

The cement floor is cold, but still you sit beside Michael, hugging your knees to your chest in a mirror of his position, careful not to touch him, thinking that he is wild enough to flee if you do. The hound lets out a soft breath. You notice that there are pink lines cutting through the black of its fur, marring its wide torso, shiny as the skin does its best to heal.

“She was seized from her owner,” Michael says. “The neighbors called the police one night when things got too loud.”

He’s not looking at you, but it’s obvious you’re the one he meant that statement for, so you shift closer to him, placing one hand on his arm. He flinches the tiniest bit, but when you try to pull away, he reaches up and stops you, holding your hand there, though he still refuses to turn away from the dog.

“Apparently, the guy got drunk and beat her,” he says. “She belonged to his wife, but once his wife died, he became an alcoholic, and that poor dog was the only one there to see it. I’m sure she tried to keep loving him at first, though. Even when she was frightened. Dogs do their best to love you, because they can’t understand that no matter how hard they try, it doesn’t matter. If someone wants to hate them, then all of the love in the world won’t be enough to stop that.”

He’s talking about the dog, but that’s not what he really means. That’s just how he is: he speaks in circuitous riddles to avoid ever saying anything plainly. Flowers and dogs — both are just methods of avoiding what he really wants to tell you.

“We can take her home,” you say. “Give her a different name and a place where she can be happy. Even if something has been hurt before, that doesn’t mean it has to hurt forever.”

His eyes lower, and then he stands, yanking you to your feet. Steadying you when you stumble, he lets go of you abruptly, frowning and turning away from the dog, who is awoken by the suddenness of the movement, flattening her ears against her head and shrinking back.

“She’s frightened of men now,” he says. “Has been ever since she was rescued. Bites every male that comes near her. I can’t blame her. If I were her, I’d do the same. Apparently, that means she’s not really adoptable. Not by us and not by anyone.”

The dog whines plaintively. You offer her the back of your hand through the bars of the kennel. She sniffs it before licking it carefully, and then she thumps her tail against her bed in approval — only one time, though, and then she’s standing, pacing in unhappy circles around the small kennel, which can hardly fit an animal of her size.

“I want her,” you say. “I don’t care if she isn’t adoptable. I want her.”

“Of course you do,” he says. He would sound aggravated, but there is a curious delight dancing in his eyes, a childish sort of joy that so rarely sparkles in those blue irises, so he completely doesn’t. “Of course you want her. You can’t stay away from hurt things, can you? Who told you I was here?”

“No one,” you say. “I figured it out by myself.”

He purses his lips, following after you as you make your way to the front desk. Disapproval rolls off of him in waves, but also something else. Something shriveled and cowering which is fighting desperately to crawl to the surface.

The volunteers are surprised to hear which dog you insist on taking, and they try to convince you to look at any of the more appealing ones — the puppies, or the well-trained retrievers that already have waitlists of potential adopters. You’re an actress, however, so they’ll put you at the top and give you whichever one you want. You tell them you know which one you want already, and eventually they give up on arguing, only frowning as you sign the litany of documents they produce, clicking their tongues and telling you that she’ll be difficult.

You respond that it’s fine. You’re used to difficult things; in fact, you think that you prefer them. They shake their heads and then you are told that your dog — yours, miraculously she is yours — will be ready for you to get her whenever you want.

Michael’s business in Berlin is not yet completed, you can sense it, so you tell them that you will return later and then you chase after his disappearing back, catching him by the sleeve of his coat in a narrow alleyway which leads to a theater.

“You shouldn’t be here,” he says. He’s gazing at a poster with a woman on it; she’s beautiful, with elfin features and flowing hair the color of gold. She’s also someone you recognize. “Fuck Ness. I know he told you. I’m going to kill him when I get back.”

“Leave him alone,” you say. “He didn’t tell me anything.”

“Sure,” he says. “Whatever.”

“Do you know her?” you say, pointing at the woman.

“Do you?” he shoots back. He’s crabby now, snapping easily and readily, though you’ve not really done anything to provoke him.

“Yes,” you say. It’s not the answer he had predicted, which you can tell because he whirls to glare at you instead of the movie poster. “Why are you surprised? We’re in the same industry. I was almost in a movie with her a while back, though it fell through because of an issue with the writers. She’s nice enough, I guess. I went to her wedding a couple of years ago, but other than that, I wouldn’t say we’re particularly close.”

“You…went to her wedding?” he says, and then, inexplicably, his fingers are weaving in between yours. It feels like he is holding onto you for something more than affection, so you stand as still as you possibly can, only humming in agreement.

“Yes, I did. Actually, she married her childhood sweetheart, which took everyone by surprise. It was commonly thought that she’d marry one or another of her costars, you see. She’s always been good at creating chemistry…people always say that she can make even a rock seem desirable, that’s how she is,” you say wistfully, leaning your head on his shoulder. He doesn’t shove you away, enraptured by the story. “It’s amazing to watch. But isn’t it kind of sweet? That despite how excellent she is at feigning affection, how she could’ve had any man in the world, she chose the boy from her youth? I remember talking to him. He has nothing, no money or connections or investments. She really just married him because he loves her for who she is.”

“Is love really all she wanted?” he says.

“I suppose it’s all that a lot of people want,” you say. “Rumor has it that she's pregnant.”

He stiffens against you. “What?”

“Well, I think she’s a little old for it, but it’s common for women in my line of work to wait until the signs of age are beyond concealment before they have children, so it’s not a shock,” you say.

“Why?’ he says. 

“It’s the industry’s standards—” you begin before he cuts you off.

“No,” he says. “No, why is she — why does she want — why is she pregnant?”

“Isn’t it common for people to start a family eventually?” you say. “By the way, you never answered my question. Do you know her?”

“She’s my mother,” he says. The words are angry, but his tone is forlorn, his hand in yours cold and small. “But I’m — I’m not her son.”

He looks so wretched that you cannot help embracing him, and when he reciprocates in earnest and without pretense, you know that you have done the right thing. His breaths are fast and shaky, though he is not crying, and as much as you wish you had not said it, you believe deep down that it is important that you did.

Platitudes are meaningless. If you say it’s okay or something along those lines, you will be a liar, because the truth is that it’s not okay. You are not the one who can decide if it’s okay or not. You can only remain as you have been, motionless and gentle, stroking his back in the way one settles a restless infant, allowing his fingers to dig into your sides and his looming weight to collapse into you — for his sharpness is not borne of malice but helplessness, however loath to admit it he might be.

“Why?” he whispers. There’s a million questions he could be asking, and none of them are ones you can ever answer for him, but that will not stop him. “Why couldn’t it be me? Why couldn’t she be happy with me? I would have loved her. I would have been her family.”

“A lot of people don’t deserve children,” you muse. “Or love, or many other such happinesses. And still more people cannot understand the importance of these things when they are within their grasp. Your mother must’ve been very young when she had you. It’s easy to be blinded by stardom and glamor and fairytales at that age. It’s easier still to abandon everything for just a taste of the spotlight. There’s a school of thought that fame is impossible to attain without that necessary sacrifice.”

“What about you?” he says.

“I’m not an exception,” you say ruefully. “Any normal person would have hung up on you when you first called, Michael. I’m only lucky in that it was you and not anyone else on the other end of the line. It’s only because I know you that I realized there are more important things in this world than celebrity and popularity. Once I would’ve spurned the thought of obscurity, but now, if I can have you, then I wouldn’t even mind it so much. It’s the same conclusion your mother must have reached.”

“It’s too late,” he says. “She reached it too late.”

“Yes,” you say. “Yes, she did reach it too late, but it’s easier to give this kind of life up once you’ve known it than to never have it at all. That’s the only reason why. She was greedy, and you bore the consequences.”

“It’s not fair,” he says. You’ve never heard him like this. Normally, he’d laugh at the mere thought of such vulnerability, but the gray of the city has clearly twisted him into a wounded and fragile version of himself, prone to shattering, made of a glass that is already jagged at the edges and can hardly keep together because of it. “It’s not fair, it’s not — I hate her, and I hate him, and I hate her stupid new family, and I —I—”

He silences himself, obviously unsure of what to say, and then he holds your face in his hands, giving you a pleading stare. Help me, he seems to beg. Tell me what to do. He is lost, and somehow you have become a map of sorts, or a compass, one which points in a direction he has no choice but to follow.

“Why did you come here?” you say. “When you knew it would hurt you, why did you come?”

“I wanted to remind myself,” he says. “For a second, you even convinced me that I was worthy of being — you know. So I had to come back. I had to see with my own eyes the kind of person I really am. If my mother and my father and my entire damn city hate me, then why should you be any different?”

He’s scared that he will hurt you, and that you will hurt him, and that he will be alone again, as he has been for much of his life. For all his brashness, his bravado, his smugness and his smooth way of speaking in public, he’s never really been anything more than a little boy who’s frightened, who presses against the back wall of his enclosure like that beaten hound did.

“You know that I am different,” you say. “I am not your mother, nor your father. I will leave everything behind but you. In fact, I’ll leave it for you. Tell me to and I will.”

“What if I tell you to quit acting?” he says.

“Then I will retire at once,” you say. “I already have more money than I know what to do with.”

“And if I tell you to move across the world?” he tries, resting his forehead against yours. “Would you do that, despite your entire life being here?”

“Yes,” you say. “I am quick at making friends and learning new things, so I will adapt to it.”

“What about if I tell you to marry me?” he says. His lips are so close to yours that he is speaking against your mouth, but he doesn’t try to kiss you yet. 

“You wouldn’t ask?” you say.

“I don’t ask for things,” he says.

“Naturally, I’d marry you,” you say. “There isn’t anyone else I’d ever want, anyways. We’d have the most beautiful wedding in the world, and we’d only invite the people we like.”

“That’s a short list,” he says. His heartbeat is calming down; it’s a temporary solution, but if it manages to distract him, then you’ll indulge the flight of fancy.

“My parents,” you say.

“Ness,” he says.

“I always knew you liked him,” you say.

“Only because I have to,” he says.

“Anyone else?” you say.

“No,” he says. “That’s it. We can even forget about all of those people, actually. I just want it to be the two of us. Nobody else matters but — but you.”

He’s stuttering as he comes to his senses. These declarations aren’t typical of him, as foreign as French on his tongue, but he’s making them anyways. He’s been fighting the compulsion for a while, you can tell, but it’s hard for him to keep fighting on all fronts of his life. Eventually, one side will give. You are glad that it is your side, that you are the one he has given to, no matter how reluctantly he has done it.

“Is there anything else you’d like?” you say. “All of these are easy for me to do. Ask for something difficult, so that I may prove to you that I am telling the truth, that I mean what I say.”

“It’s not a request, but a condition,” he says.

“You only need to name it,” you say.

“If I hurt you, then you have to run,” he says. “Run so far away that I can never reach you. Even though it’ll hurt me, I want you to run. Even though I’ll beg for you to stay, please leave.”

That’s it, then. The most difficult thing he can imagine a person doing: leaving someone they love. Certainly he is unable to do it. It doesn’t matter if he’s suffering. He’ll suffer longer just to stay by your side, just as he suffered for all of those many years as a child. 

It’s how you know he loves you more than he’ll ever let on. He holds you in such esteem that he’ll let you leave him if you have to, though it’ll indubitably destroy him, destroy him more than staying could ever destroy you. Yet still he is giving you that permission, commanding it, even, because he’d rather destroy himself than let even the slightest harm befall your being.

You can only draw that conclusion because you know that he will never, can never, hurt you. He isn’t saying this as a warning, because it isn’t an inclination that he has. No, it’s a dark and ugly voice in the back of his mind — does it sound like his father’s? You feel that it must — insisting that he will do it, he will. He’ll hurt you. He’s the reason that his mother left and his father became something sick, and he’ll be the reason that you are broken and ruined and torn apart. He’ll do it. He’ll be the one to do it, it’s inevitable, he’ll scratch you with his thorns and gnaw at your remains with his fangs and maybe he’ll even cry during the act but he’ll still do it.

“Alright,” you say, though you want to protest that he is incapable, because it’s clear that he is testing you. Every argument which might fall from your lips, he has heard before, and if you dare utter them one more time, it’ll be the proof that you are lying. The way his thoughts work, the paths that they follow, they are winding and narrow, but perhaps your mother is right — perhaps you are coming to understand them.

“Do you think that I can?” he says.

“No,” you say. “The fact that you worry about it tells me that you won’t. You are better than that, Michael.”

“You really believe that?” he says. “With everything you are, you believe it?”

“I do,” you say.

You almost can’t believe it, but he laughs. Well, calling it a laugh is generous, it’s really more of an exhale, yet one which is unquestionably seeping with amusement, and you’re about to ask him what he finds so funny when he was so close to breaking down mere moments earlier, but he stops you before you can.

“I do,” he says. It’s an odd thing to repeat, but a second later your mind registers why he’s done it, and then the corners of your lips are curving up.

In the streets of Berlin, the two of you are alone; his mother’s poster is your only witness, but if she takes some offense, she remains smiling and silent, her gaze far away as her son — who isn’t her son, he isn’t hers at all, he’s yours and only yours — finally closes the minuscule gap between you both and kisses you fully.

[hopelesslygaysstuff]

HAI !!!! it’s been a minute lawl

erm n e wayz ☝️🤓 just had a thought… BEAR W ME THIS IS LONG

camgirls mommy wanda and her baby get sent toys every once in a while as gifts from their fans or smth idk but !! they get sent this toy :333

https://www.instagram.com/reel/Czb5Dr0u07G/?igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==

and they decide to test it out on stream but at first wanda decides she wants to tease reader and use it on herself first while she has r tied up to a chair, naked and just a vibrator on their cl!t meanwhile all they can do is watch while wanda puts on a show for them :3333 and wanda is like rlly exaggerating herself and rlly giving r a hard time until her baby is in tears and after she comes, she’ll let r have a turn lol and maybe overstimulate r until they can’t come anymore 😇😇😇

-🍓

Hullo!!! It has been a long time... but I'm glad we're back!!

Ooooooooh that toy looks like a lot of fun aslkdjfhasldkfjh and yes the scene is playing out vividly in my head rn. I'm in class, so that's a little bit of a problem, but oh well!

Yessss, just watching Mommy Wanda make herself feel good and you're struggling against your restraints because you wanna touch her so baddddd. She makes you watch while she cums over and over again and you're trying to cum too but the vibrator isn't enough... you need your mommy to help you.

Finally, Wanda takes mercy on you and positions you on her lap before turning the stream on. Hundreds of people flood the chat and you can't do anything but sit there moaning and grinding down on the toy as your orgasm rises rapidly.

Someone donates money, the triple digits making both you and Wanda gasp, and they have a request with their donation.

'Overstimulate her, I want to see her cry.'

Wanda just smirks, nodding at the camera while she presses the button to make the toy go faster, the suction increasing on your already sore clit.

"Cum for me, darling. Let's make our generous donor proud."

You let out a weak whimper, a whispered "Yes, mommy," falling from your lips before your orgasm overtakes you. And then, another one crashes over you before the first is even finished, Wanda increasing the speed and suction once more.

She doesn't stop until the total donations have reached well into the quadruple digits. Your face is coated with tears, and your inner thighs coated with your own cum, but you're satisfied.

"Good girl, you made mommy so proud."

[maochira]

i rlly love ur headcanons and i have a request for you :D

since you’ve done a headcanon about noa, chris and lavinho finding out their child dating kaiser, how about the blue lock boys (isagi, chigiri, rin and ness) finding out that their sibling is dating kaiser?

maybe they walked in on kaiser and us kissing and that’s how they found out that we’re dating kaiser ( ・∇・)

it would be rlly funny to see isagi’s reaction to us dating kaiser (he’s probably gonna have a crisis or sth)

YEAHH A REQUEST INCLUDING ISAGI!!! My first time writing for him!! Requests are open!

Also thank you very much! Always makes me happy to hear when people tell me they enjoy my headcanons!

Masterlist

Current writing event

Tags: gn!sibling!reader, no idea how this would fit into the canon because why where how do the characters meet but I don't care I get requests I write silly headcanons, reader dates Kaiser, overprotective Isagi and Rin

Yoichi Isagi

-feels like he's going insane when he sees you and Kaiser kiss

-he starts yelling at Kaiser to stay away from his sibling and what the fuck would need to get into his head to kiss you right in front of him

-Kaiser is pretty unbothered by Isagi's reaction and even starts laughing about it

-you try to calm Isagi down, but he literally won't. He starts listing reasons why there are so many people who he'd prefer you dating over Kaiser

-Isagi has so many unorganized thoughts running through his head, he ends up blurting out "But he's German?!" (A/N this is funny because I'm German)

-when Isagi realizes his reaction upset you, he kind of calms down and apologizes, although in his head he's still freaking out

Hyoma Chigiri

-honestly, I think he'd be pretty chill about it

-he'd probably make some joking comment when he sees you and Kaiser kiss

-but secretly he's kind of conflicted about it. Like??? He wants you to be happy and he's glad you got someone you love and who loves you but. Knowing what kind of person Kaiser is (I like to imagine Isagi has sent him multiple rant text messages about Kaiser) Chigiri can't help but feel a little worried about you

-as long as Kaiser is around, Chigiri stays calm and lighthearted, but when he's alone with you he'll ask you a ton of questions about how you got together with him

Rin Itoshi

-he sees you and Kaiser kiss and. He's totally NOT okay with that

-Rin is very overprotective of you in general so no matter who your partner would be, he'd be strictly against it at first. He would need a few weeks or even months to adjust to the thought of you dating someone. But knowing you date Kaiser? He'll need a lot more time to be okay with that. Well, in case he ever gets used to that.

-will literally grab your arm and pull you away from Kaiser

-Kaiser grabs your other arm and now you're between your beloved brother and your boyfriend who you love very much. They start yelling at each other until you yell at them to stop

-Rin sighs frustrated and says he'll let you two be if it makes you happy, but he also gives a death stare to Kaiser

Alexis Ness pre-Neo Egoist League

-when he sees you and Kaiser kiss, at first he can't believe it's real

-but honestly, he's a bundle of joy when you tell him you and Kaiser are dating

-like, he'll think it's super cute and he adores seeing you with Kaiser

-he would literally organize dates for the two of you

-I think he'd just be super supportive of you in general, and knowing you and Kaiser are in love very much warms his heart

[goldenavenger02]

Cant rlly decide which one but what ab the ninja helping each other tend their wounds?

I put a lot of thought into this (and if you're seeing this and sent an ask, I'm working on the rest of them. I just don't really have time to write except at night right now) so I hope you enjoy, anon!

“Guys, do you feel that?” 

“Feel what?”

“It's so warm.” Jay sighed contently with a smile on his face and despite rolling her eyes, Nya still wrapped her arm around his hip and pulled him closer to her.

PIXAL couldn’t help but wonder what had happened in the Never Realm without her assistance but, given the bright pink tint to all of their cheeks as well as the gash across Lloyd’s forehead and bruising on Cole’s arms, it looked as though it had not been a very pleasant experience.

In fact, the only one who looked somewhat normal was Zane, who she had been unable to stop herself from jumping into his arms and yet, even he looked worse for wear; something in his bright blue eyes ached of a sadness that she couldn’t understand nor wanted to dissect in front of the others for his sake.

“While I am glad to see all of you,” Wu finally broke the greetings, turning all of their attention towards him, “perhaps all of you making your way to the medical wing would be a good idea.”

“In the nicest way possible,” PIXAL added, her hand grasped tightly around Zane’s, “all of you are looking a bit worse for wear.”

“Good idea.” Kai agreed, his vision obviously fixated on Lloyd and Nya despite his raw palms, which was only made more clear by his gentle nudging against their shoulder blades.

Jay and Cole followed suit with Wu trailing behind them, leaving the two of them alone in the courtyard, her hand still tightly gripped in his.

“Are you in need of repairs?” She finally asked as she let go of his hand to fully focus her green eyes on him, trying to look past his blue eyes to figure out just what was bothering him.

“I do not believe so.”

“Good. Are you able to be of assistance with the others, then?”

“I’m afraid not,” Zane shook his head, “I need some time to myself, I think, to regain my bearings.”

“Very well. But, when you are ready to talk, I am ready to listen.”

“Thank you, PIXAL.” Zane nodded before making his way towards his sleeping quarters which gave her no choice but to make her way toward the med bay and the workload that lay before her in the form of varying degrees of frostbite at the very least.

It wasn’t unusual for Kai’s concern over the others, especially Nya and Lloyd, to echo throughout the hall leading to the medical wing; after the haunting silence that had filled the monastery for the last couple of weeks, the ruckus was welcoming.

Sure enough, when she stepped through the sliding doors, Kai was sitting on the edge of the cot that Lloyd had taken residence in with Nya and Jay sitting together on the one a few beds down with Nya resting her head on Jay’s shoulder as her glance was firmly fixated on Cole, who had already taken one of the pillows and covered his eyes with it.

Despite the circumstances, seeing all of them together made her smile for a moment before she ran her hands under the running water and donned a pair of nitrile gloves; she turned away from the counter and made eye contact with the five ninja as she asked, “who’s first?”

After some insistence on everyone’s end, trying to get someone else to be the first one, PIXAL decided on Cole so he could go ahead and get what looked like some much needed sleep; he had been uncharacteristically quiet since he had stepped through the portal but she also knew that if she needed to know what was going on in his mind that he would come to her in his own time.

Despite having been a part of their group for a few years now, she still did not feel comfortable pressing any of them to speak to her. Not that she usually had to, with how often they would come to her and vent their individual issues to her as she repaired yet another vehicle or mech.

Maybe it was the fact that she spent a good chunk of time behind Zane’s eyes, with no one speaking directly to her except for Zane until she uploaded her subconscious into The Bounty’s computer while she continued to rebuild herself into the best version she could be.

But Cole didn’t have any severe injuries and was sent out of the med bay to go lay down almost as soon as she started to prod at his unnaturally cold skin. The same was true of Jay, who was the least injured and exhausted of the group, and Nya, who had the familiar dark circles of exhaustion weighing her under eyes down.

Kai’s eyes followed Nya as she walked out of the room, but he quickly snapped his gaze towards PIXAL when she started to examine the red, puffy skin that covered his hands and tried to pull away from her.

“I’m fine, I didn’t hit my head on a tree trunk after being in a different realm for less than twenty four hours.” He insisted, his gaze pointedly on Lloyd as he pointed out the comparison, who flipped him off in return as exhaustion weighed heavy on his face.

“I will address Lloyd’s injuries as well,” she insisted as she pulled out the tube of burn cream and started to apply it to Kai’s injured palms, “but these need to be wrapped up if you do not wish for them to become infected.”

PIXAL didn’t mention that the look of guilt engrained in Lloyd’s features was making her wonder if she knew what had resulted in Zane being so distant when he stepped through the portal after weeks of being alone in a cold, foreign realm.

It didn’t take long for her to wrap up the burns that made their way up Kai’s lower wrists, despite how extensive they were, and send him to his room to get some much needed rest with a promise of checking on how the wounds were healing in a few hours.

She couldn’t help but wonder what Kai said to Lloyd in a whisper just loud enough that it hit his ear before making his way through the sliding doors and leaving the two of them in the room alone; she was quiet as she worked, gently wrapping his cold fingers in loose bandages, cleaning the gash on his forehead and checking the dilation of his pupils which revealed a mild concussion.

It wasn’t until she asked if he had any other injuries and he tugged off the top half of his jade green gi that she found herself holding back a gasp of shock.

The rest of the ice that had remained from the Never Realm had been white and tinged with snow, but PIXAL recognized blue-tinged ice all too well; it was the ice that came from her boyfriend’s fingertips, proving her correct in her hypothesis about Lloyd knowing why Zane had been so distant.

When she finally found the courage to make contact with the green eyes, she could see the regret spilling off of him as she spoke while gently examining the sides of the burn that trailed down most of his right side.

“I think it would be wise for you to tell me why this burn was caused by elemental ice.”

“It’s not-” Lloyd flinched away from her gloved hands with a hiss through his teeth while he gripped the side of the cot tightly in his left hand, “it’s not my place.”

“Lloyd, you are injured and I am doing my best to help you heal,” she explained calmly as she pulled her hands away and approached the counter again to soak one of the compresses in warm water, “that being said, knowing how you obtained the injury will allow me to determine if there is a need to be on the lookout for internal damage.”

He remained quiet as she continued to prepare the compress, making sure that it was warm enough to rewarm the skin but not so hot that it would only cause more harm than good; while she worked, she couldn’t help but wonder why.

Why had Zane attacked Lloyd? Just how distraught was he when he was finally found by the others? And to her, possibly the most worrying thought that made its way to the forefront of her mind was how upset was he with the others now?

“It wasn’t his fault,” Lloyd blurted out with another hiss of pain as she pressed the compress onto his skin, “all of it, it wasn’t…he was lied to.”

“Please, Lloyd. I wish to know exactly what happened, for everyone’s sake,” she stopped to maneuver the compress so it covered the entirety of the burn, “and it’s not like you do not have the time to speak to me.”

It seemed to PIXAL that her words were the final push that Lloyd had needed to finally give her all of the details. About the Ice Emperor, about the final message he found in the cave and about Vex and how he had twisted Zane’s erased mind into a ruler set on destruction and control.

“That’s how I got this,” Lloyd finished with a gesture to his side, “I was trying to stop him and because he had that scroll, I…I wasn’t able to keep him busy for long.”

“I never did like holding that scroll.” PIXAL pressed her lips together tightly in order to keep her thoughts about what she would have done to Vex if she had followed them to herself, all while gathering the supplies to loosely wrap the burn.

“You and me both.” Lloyd’s chuckle was dry as it hit her ears but not surprising, given what Nya had told her about both Lloyd’s experience holding the scroll as well as the mirror that sat inside of the Explorer’s Club.

“I require you to sit up, if you are able,” she spoke, unable to keep herself from gritting her teeth in sympathy as he pushed himself upright with his brows furrowed in pain, before she was able to start wrapping the large burn loosely, “I will speak to Zane if you wish, he might be more receptive to my interpretation of the situation.”

“Which is?”

“That he was brainwashed into going against his programming and that I have some very strong choice words for this “Vex” for what he did to him as well as the others.”

“Good inter-” a yawn cut him off, “interpretation.”

“You should get some rest,” PIXAL insisted while pulling the clean, white sheet over him, “I shall return in around an hour to see if I need to continue to treat your burn with the compress. Would you like me to ask Kai if he will keep you company?”

“Nah, he needs the rest.” Lloyd mumbled as he rested his pink-tinted cheek against the white pillowcase, his hair sprawling around his head.

As soon as she could hear the snoring, however, PIXAL knew she couldn’t rest and made her way out of the medical wing of the monastery towards the individual sleeping quarters.

After all, she still had to speak to Zane.

[cobwebbedcat]

Hello bro ❤️ I've never sent u an ask before and I am nervous so sorry if this is meandering or poorly written but I just got a big transgender hysterectomy a few days ago and while everything has been GREAT the one downside is that I'm on medical chastity for at least a month while the internal stitches heal and already I've been getting some very out there sexual dreams pertaining to things I wouldn't normally care for due to the #sexualneglect. So warning for sounding + incontinence + general pee and sadism

Overall whenever I have a character I dislike from a certain media or whatever I'll just ignore them but recently I had a dream that featured some sounding, and even tho I'm a big piss guy I'm not a huge fan of items in the urethra usually. But for whatever reason, maybe because I've been more starved recently, the idea really stuck and I started thinking about sounding as torture for a few different characters I otherwise dislike. In particular, I always found Lucifer rlly boooringggg... But I really like the idea of him, absolutely desperate for contact, begging for you to use him, only for you to take it as an opportunity to torture him with increasingly worrying and potentially painful/damaging instruments down his urethra. He'll start crying a little from the pain, and even a few days after it's causing him problems with his ability to control his bladder. Completely soaking his dress pants in the middle of an important meeting because he is literally, physically incapable of holding it, or drooling piss into his otherwise pristine and meticulously maintained silk underwear 24/7 because it just goes right through him, no barrier at all. And even after he's able to heal from the encounter he just comes crawling back to you, begging you to do it again to get any kind of contact from you. Lol. Lmao even

Hi!! First of all, congrats on your surgery! Glad that it sounds like it went well! I hope you recover quickly and awesomely 💖

Secondly nooo you think lucifer is boring 🥺😭 nooo

Third AAH so HOT!!!!!! I'm always a huge huge sucker for desperate and needy Lucifer. love the idea of his pride slowly slipping away from him as he admits to himself and to you how badly he wants your touch and attention- even if it's painful. He'd hold onto any part of you that you'd let him touch (and if you want him to keep his hands to himself he definitely needs to be tied up), letting out little whimpers and then crying as you stretch his urethra open and tease him. Him begging through his tears to be allowed to cum. ooughgugh his limp cock twitching with overstimulation once he finally does cum.. oh and i LOOVE him loosing control of his bladder. The idea of him leaking, being unable to hold his piss, wetting his pants etc!!!! 🤤 he'd be humiliated (ahehehe especially if you ask to check on him, and see how wet he's gotten) but he can't deny how good it feels.. how the silk sticks to his dick, how his piss feels so warm.. it'd certainly be one way to make sure he's taking care of himself, and taking bathroom breaks LOL!

[notquitedeadpod]

I sent a Spotify q&a thing but idk if you check those. When I first listened to the mailbag/q&a episode you talked a bit about the themes and background of vampirism, queerness, cannibalism and eroticism and I was wondering if you had any rants you wanted to go on. This topic interests me so much but I don’t rlly have the media literacy imo to do a deep dive into Dracula etc and look at the context and imagery of this topic. You mentioned the feeling of being ostracised due to vampirism and how that mirrors queerness and again if you have any other thoughts I would love to hear them.

These boys have been occupying my every waking thought since I started the pod and I can’t express it properly I just!!!!!!! Thank you eira, it’s *sooo* good (:

yes this is one of my FAVOURITE things to talk about and I just absolutely love it. as mentioned elsewhere, I'm working on a post S3 bonus episode type thing where I'll go into more detail about this and expand on my thoughts, but it's something that fills my waking mind, I'm here for it conceptually.

right now I'm thinking a lot about the vampire as a metaphor for transness, and this very specific sort of desire i feel sometimes and felt particularly keenly, actually, before I was properly out of the closet. that sort of deep possessiveness, a hungry sort of envy, where sometimes it felt like there was this twisted up little monster inside of me and it was furious and starving and all it wanted was to consume and destroy. I've learned that actually the twisted up little monster is part of me, not some invading force, and it's not inherently destructive, I just need to acknowledge that desire, feed it, and it won't be violent anymore.

these ideas and concepts are very key to my thoughts and as i say i will expand on these more post-S3 so keep an eye out sort of June-ish time <3 thank you for dropping into my inbox and asking me to indulge in one of my fave things to talk about <3 I'm so glad you're enjoying the show!!

--- Eira xxx

[sttoru]

hi anya.. i saw you talking abt being good at giving advice to ppl, so,, wld you mind giving me some advice..?

rant: i've been an anon for this person for a while and, not so long ago, i came out of anon to talk to them on priv, bcs they said they wouldn't be active anymore, and they told me i could talk to them on priv, if i wasn't uncomfy.

i did take up that offer, bcs i rlly wanted to keep in touch. but, they make 0 effort to talk to me. i'm always the one sending the first message. they never reach out first. and every conversation consists of like, 3 messages from each of us, talking about our lives, then we don't talk for months until i reach out again.

now, they announced they would be active again, and they're back to posting, but they just won't send me a message. i don't know if i'm being pushy and annoying by wishing they would talk to me. idk if i'm uninteresting, or if they're anxious or forgetful, or what.

it's just been very one-sided and instead of making us closer (like i thought it would) it feels like it's driving us apart. the last time we talked was in march. when i sent them a happy birthday message. i haven't send anything ever since. and neither did them (as always). i saw them as a friend, but i don't think they care about me at all.

anyway: what do i do?? do i try and talk to them about it? (what if they're just busy and i'm overthinking??) do i ignore them forever, just as they have been ignoring me? do i send them an ask instead and act like i've never been out of anon? help.

haiii anon! im glad you decided to reach out to me w this ^_^ thank u & i hope i can be of help with the following advice below ! (i actually typed more than i intended bcs it hit home hehdnsnsnd)

first of all; i applaud u for being brave & coming off anon to keep in touch with that person! a lot feel too uncomfy to do so even if they desperately want to keep in contact with someone, so i feel proud, if i can word it in that way ahsha

soooo let’s start;

if i read this correctly: when you actually begun to reach out privately to that person, you are always the first one that tries to strike up a conversation. you feel like they could be uninterested in you & don’t consider you a friend like you do.

i’m sorry to hear that— especially the ‘reaching out first part’, because it can be super uncomfortable and could understandably make you overly anxious (like thinking they aren’t interested, are ignoring you on purpose, don’t want you talking to them or they’re uncomfy talking to u etc etc. it can cause a lot of anxious thoughts. that i get & it can be extremely upsetting).

this is also a huuuge problem i’m struggling with. you are NOT pushy or annoying for wanting them to reach out to you out of their own initiative. i think every one who struggles with this can agree with me and guarantee you that.

why? because feeling like your friendship is one-sided is not how most work out. that’s how most friendships FALL out instead, like you had stated yours was at the end.

march is a long time ago. the fact that they are active & posting means they are on their socials & are checking their dms etc etc. to say that they’re forgetful is really doubtful, because march is MONTHS ago & i’m sure that if they cared about your friendship — they for sure would’ve thought of at least reaching out to you once in all those months (as harsh as that might sound).

but, they didn’t — it shows that this is indeed very one sided. of course, as a busy person myself i could look at the other side of the story as well: maybe they could be busy or they could be anxious about reaching out first too!

i know people who do, at least. but the difference is that those people i know (who are anxious of reachig out first) always make an effort to keep the conversation going once i msg them. they are interested, send me random stuff & the convos can go on and on without stopping for hours because they put effort into continuing the convo i started.

now that is considered two-sided to an extent as well. but reading that your convo’s are short & usually only 3 messages back and forth — i’m… feeling a bit iffy. if they were anxious about reaching out first, but were still interested in talking with you, they would at least make the effort to appreciate you starting the convo & continue it. so, i personally don’t think they’re forgetful or anxious.

that rules out any more possibilities to be honest. the moment you said that they havent ever reached out first made me already go ‘well…’ in my head. and its been months since you last talked. if they wanted to continue your friendship like you want, they would’ve put in the same effort as you (or at least tried once or twice to show their interest). judging by your explanation of the story, i don’t think they want to put effort in talking further with you.

which—is not your fault, maybe not even theirs. some friendships aren’t meant to work out. maybe they aren’t feeling it? maybe they don’t feel the ‘click’, you know? once again, not your fault at all! it happens to me every time — and it even happens to the best of us.

as someone who’s been in this situation for over ten times in different ‘failed’ friendships, i say let them go. maybe see where it leads you. i don’t think they will reach out to you first since march was the last time you talked without you taking the initiative, but just let it go. if they at least want to keep the convo or spark between you alive, they’d reach out themselves.

as anxious as one can be about reaching out first, if they desperately want to feel a connection between the other person, they would find a way to do it. like maybe a simple ‘hi’ in dms or indirect post on dash.

but it’s also valid that you want to continue what yall had. if you choose to want to reach out again; here’s a different & more positive solution / piece of advice:

send them one message filled with your worries and feelings about your situation. don’t make it too long (could be a bother to read, might make you seem a bit too desperate to them?) — but also maybe not too short.

this could be included;

• ask them how they’ve been lately.

• out your feelings about the situation briefly (abt reaching out first).

• simply ask for a clarification. don’t demand it! ask if they maybe would like to continue talking.

wait & check their response to that message and be critical! if they ignore completely, red flag. if they’re dismissing your feelings, red flag. if they say ‘i forgot’ or ‘i was busy’, understandable, but see if they actually make an effort to reach out to you afterwards. if not—stop putting in the effort and let go (saying this in the nicest way possible. it avoids any more heart break / anxiousness, i promise)

though, it may also be your last message to them if they say that they don’t feel the same (aka dont wanna continue talking), so maybe prepare yourself for that too.

anyhow! it’s ok if friendships don’t work out, once again, don’t blame yourself! it hurts, of course, but once you get through the heart break — there are many more possibilities for you to make friends out here.

remember, relationships are the most healthiest when there’s good communication between both parties.

xoxo

[t4tbedehopmar]

hi hi koha!!! SO SORRY I'M ASKING YOU SO MANY QUESTIONS YOURE THE ONLY ONE I KNOW WAAA (silly) but!!! as the #1 himeru fan, do you think you could tell me more abojt them? :] (/NF :D TY LOVE YOU)

HIIIII LUMIMI AND DW FEEL FREE TO ASK ME ANYTHING!!!!!!!! AND OFC I CAN TELL U STUFF ABT HIMERU U DON'T EVEN HAVE TO ASK :DDD glad to know i'm himeru's #1 fan hehehe <3 spoilers under cut :]

OK SO THE ONE AND ONLY HIMERURU!!!!!!!! the most mature and seductive guy ever <3 BUT they aren't the real himeru!! SURPRISEEEEE the real himeru is their little brother kaname! SO his lil bro went to a school called reimei and there he met tatsumi kazehaya slash me AND jun sazanami :D this was a very special school btw: it was divided between the special students and the normal students! so me/tatsu and kaname were special students (altho kaname was sent to live w the normal students at some point i think? i need to read obbligato sobs) and jun was a normal student! OK SO i/tatsumi has a cult! that's right! i wanted to start a revolution in the school bc it was shit and all and kaname was also part of the school and so well! things happened and got out of control and kaname was hospitalized :') and he's been hospitalized ever since cries and wails. and what does this have to do w himeru u might ask? well i have the answer! u see kaname was an idol during his years in reimei and guess what idol he was? himeru!! and so when himeru realized that kaname wldn't be able to keep being an idol they took over the role so when kaname was better he wld have a place in the world as an idol! which means that at some point in the story kaname will wake up and himeru will have to leave crazy:b and um. i-it'll be a good event <- crying uncontrollably ANYWAYS himeru's personality is. pretty silly! they're mysterious and seductive and make homophobic dog faces fkdhjsks they're also super good at deducting! they also rlly like hats and coffee :D they also LOVE make up sm....... OH and sweets! they go to the sweets fab club w me/kohaku, mayoi and tsukasa <3 ALSO at the beginning of the story they weren't rlly fond of crazy:b but thruout the stories they've grown fond of all of us hehehe <3 plus they have a big brother complex for me? like. they're always nicer to me and helps me w silly stuff that idk how to do like when in the main story i didn't know how to put on the crazy:b uniform and they helped me w it :] or in the spider event when i was too scared to go to the bathroom alone and i asked them to go w me....... i think they're like. trying to be the older brother they couldn't be w kaname bc they're half brothers and well yeah....... himeru the one and only big bro and bestie ever 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 and i think that's basically all u need to know! i rlly recommend reading stories like ariadne and obbligato and maybe their idol stories too :] i hope this helped hehe!!

[crowhyun]

AHH HI CROW anon that sent the paragraph from before <3 if u take emoji anons i would love to be 🦆 cuz i honestly think ducks suit me the best 💪 ANYWAYS I WAS NOT EXPECTING U TO POST THE NEXT CHAPTER RIGHT AFTER I SEMT THAT BRO I MIGHTVE SCREAMED?!?! 🥹 IM SO HONORED AND FLATTERED AND GLAD I COULD GIVE U SOME MOTIVATION BAE AGHH U WROTE IT SO WELL 😭🫶 BUT. AT THE SAME TIME IM GONNA CRY THIS CLIFFHANGER IS EATING ME UP WHATHRKF WHY WHYWHWY WOULD U DO THIS TO ME 💔💔💔 lord i hope yn will be okay CMON BEOMGYU OR TYUN OR SOOB USE UR OVERPOWERED SKILLS OR SMN IVE BEEN WAITING FOR MY OCTOGYU CONTENT (or was it tyun that had the tentacle chara? i lowkey forgot oop) !!!!! ☹️ and pls their bantering on the boat was making me giggle 💀 soob is so sassy and protective i truly love him but at the same time my love for yeonjun grows every chapter I CANNOT DECIDE WHO I SHIP YN WITH ☹️ soob is still #1 for now HSHDJ‼️‼️ chap 11 is gonna be wild i have a feeling ☹️

ALSO HAPPY VALENTINES ! I HOPE UR DAY WAS WELL?!?! :0

YES OFC I TAKE EMOJI ANONS AHHH IVE BEEN WANTING A NEW EMOJI ANON :(((

and i love ducks so yes ofc you can be duck anon (i'm on my laptop, so i dont have the emoji T.T) 🦆 nvm i just copy pasted it lol

when you had sent me that first ask i was like "well shit this is rlly something, I'm gonna finish the whole chapter now" and i wrote more in one night than i've written in the past few months T.T so thank you so much i absolutely love long messages, they give me so much motivation and willpower

and sorry anon (actually not sorry, i love to torture yall <3) cliffhangers make every more JUICY HEHEHEH

but no fr, i'm planning the story out as i write it and im seriously like damn...soobin or yeonjun? soobin or yeonjun??? and i'm just writing out how everyones relationship is progressing through the story and like...sigh. yn and yeonjun have that dynamic that I love so far, but yn and soobin have the history and trust built through going through sm already together yk? but it'll all come to a closure one day, so I guess we'll both see together lololol

im actually going to start writing chapter 11 today, so hopefully I can get it done soon!

(also my valentines was just okay like usually lol but my mom got me a teddy bear and some chocolates! I hope ur valentines day was well too!)

[actualbird]

A little belated, but thanks so much for the Halloween interaction! It's been a while since I wrote my thoughts about your fics down so I thought I'd send something for my interaction.

Zangr my beloved I'm so happy he opened the door!! Such a fun character I'm glad he came to your mind when I sent my trick or treat in! What made you decide to send him for me though if you don't mind me asking?

It's okay Zangr you'll be a cute marketable plushie in my heart 😔 if you do this again next Halloween and Zangr's gotten a plush by then I'm marching back to the door just to congratulate him on his fanbase.

Even if I'm just a human going by Milkyway, at least Zangr's managed to defeat one cosmic entity. Though it's by confusion. Eventually he'll work his way up to being free from the grip of narratives!!

The LI cookies!!! I wasn't expecting those! I'm very happy about my treat hehehe

Thank you so much for the entire Halloween saga! Reading it from start to finish was a joy and Luke plushie looks so good in his costume!

🌌

gmorning milkway :DDD!! and omg no worries, this isnt belated at all since i closed my ask box last night so i wldnt get more trick-or-treaters when i already had constructed a vague overarching storyline HAHAHSVKJHS

that being said, im so glad u enjoyed my silly little halloween saga :DDD it's funny cuz i wasnt even planning on doing any of that til i got sam's first ask and was like "okay how do i make this fun for everybody involved", and writing it all day rlly was so much fun on my end!!

i picked zangr for you cuz!:

in the beginning, my mode of choosing who would come to the door basically went "if i know who you are and who your fave is, im choosing the plush of your fave. if i dont know who you are OR if i dont know who your fave is, im choosing whoever is funniest" jjjVKJHVKJH!!

ive got a bad memory and i cant remember if, from the for nxx boys, youve got a specific favorite. so i went with zangr! cuz is he not all our deranged little fave? HAHHJAHFKJ

i deviated from this original mode though when i realized i didnt want to repeat plushies too often and also when i wanted to string the ask saga to the grand reveal of luke plush's costume, hehe

honestly, having a zangr plush would be both so cute and hilarious JHVKJAHVKJSHFAK. now i want 3 more tot plushies to exist: mc, DAVIS, and zangr

CONGRATS TO ZANGR FOR (KINDA) DEFEATING SOME COSMIC ENTITY!! wishing him the best on whatever other stories he may end up in <3

and u kno, i was originally gonna give you AP Energy Drinks, but then i realized that those dont actually look uh...particularly appetizing? JVKJSDFVKJSHD. the cookies from the cookie event still live in my brain rent free cuz they look so cute and so sweet and So Delicious mmmmmm

thank u for stopping by last night! and for stopping by this morning for this sweet ask huhu!!! luke plush is very happy u liked his costume :'D

[mashiraostail]

holy smokes i can see why you don't have like a shit ton of smut here because you write like the best smut I've ever read how long does it take you usually??? do u have a process??? your stuff is like actually top tier Den I'm blown away like I'm reading your smut for characters I don't even like because it's so good dude

oh em gee....keep them coming 😳

Thank you !!! tbh It can take me anywhere from like 6-12 hours to write longer smut like some of the Aizawa n Halsin smut I've done, probably longer sometimes. If it's a multi character ask that can even be per character. I've always wanted to like write some kinda romantasy or horror/romance book but with my phD being in a stem field I actually have rlly little time for creativity and stuff so this is a fun compromise on that goal. As for a process I don't think I rlly have one tbh I just stare at whatever prompt I get sent until I have an idea as to the direction I want it to go in. I've def just completely scrapped responses and started over if I don't like them, smut or otherwise. Sometimes I just scroll through pictures of the character I'm writing for too idk it helps me think of new ways to describe their looks and even their personality sometimes. Thank you soo much for all the really high praise, I wish I had more time to dedicate to writing but I'm glad you like what I upload no matter how sporadic !

[1d1195]

its totallyyyyyyy valid to be feeling that way because truth be told, all those things are super expensive. and when they’re just sucker punching you from all sides, one after the other ?? nuh uh😮‍💨 like how much can one person truly afford yk ?? especially when one of thems a little further away like you mentioned, because you’ve just got so much more to worry about than a local wedding (hotels, gas, food, etc.) so i think it’s good you’re not taking on that extra stress. there will always be more weddings and the ‘no’ option is there for a reason🫶

ahhhhhh let me just start off and say thank you so much for your kind words, they truly mean more than you know💖💖 (especially the math thing bc i am not a math girly so i may just take you up on that😭) i don’t think anyone’s really rooting for me on my end (family, friends, & whatnot) so reading your message was just the kindest thing in the world really💘

i always think the exact same thing with the ‘well someone has to do that’ when someone makes fun of certain classes or careers and i rlly hate that people say that to you ! no one needs me to remind them of this but teachers are literally so important and i 100% would want to be one i just have no patience and im actually terrible at explaining things🤣 but i cannot tell you how much teachers can actually change someone’s life, i still remember very specific moments of how kind some of my teachers were back in school and things like that really stick with you, you’re job is so important, arguably the most important, so if someone ever tries to say something like that again i will personally take them on in a fist fight (now, i might not win but ima get the message across dw💘☺️)

thursday was soooooooo good omg i felt soooo bad for our girl when she was just sitting there like …..👀 while harry was getting talked down to by hailey AND WHEN SHE WAS THINKING ABT ASKING HIM IF HE KNEW WHAT SHAMPOO SHE USED HAHAHHA SHES SO REAL FOR THAT. idea for a future blurb: they go out somewhere on a saturday (his favorite day mhmm…) and run into her ex ;) srry but im alwayyssss going to be a sucker for jealousrry 

YAY LOVE A NEW SONG ! no because i completely understand what you mean about the romantic/whimsy part of it because something abt the violins and the guitar together is just soooo 🌅🌻🍃🌊✨ idek if that make sense but ya😭 i love love love the melody

HAVE THE GREATEST DAY OF YOUR LIFEEEEE <33333 sending the warmest virtual hugs🫂🫂🫂

~🎶

Not that it's like a competition or anything, but the wedding I'm not attending, the couple did not attend my sister's wedding so I feel less bad about not going 🤷‍��️ however, I think my mom wants me to go because more than likely she needs someone with eyesight to go 🙃 so I bet I'll get roped into going even though I don't want to.

I'm so proud of you for doing what you want despite not having support! You always have my support and I'm happy to give you pep talks whenever needed!

I'm glad you liked Thursday, I feel so bad I really wasn't into it. I feel like it was super lackluster. I was going to put her ex in as well (because Jealousrry is a fan fave for sure) but I couldn't imagine writing another sentence for it 😭 I didn't want to force anything longer than I did! But i think her ex will make an appearance next time!

NO it makes so much sense! I just fell in love with it so quick! I thought it was so fun and it has really brightened up my commute over the last week of school!

I can't remember when you sent me your message regarding the wedding. You said it was a little over a week but idk if I answered the ask later than you sent it so I feel like it might be this weekend!? I hope you have fun if it is!

xoxo

[hannieween]

hi v!!! <3

i just got caught up w/ city lights and WOW !!! first of all, your writing never fails to impress and deliver real emotion especially to me i was actually going crazy every paragraph... i love love Love seeing how your story turned out into something so wonderful!! ive been here since the first chapter🙈🙈🙊

i also wanted to mention: THE WAY YOU WROTE JEONGHAN AND YN'S DYNAMIC WAS MY FAV AAA THEYRE ACTUALLY SO CUTE. their friendship is so silly and i think you nailed down jeonghan's personality rlly well. hes such a huge tease!!! i!!! Love!! It!!! also hes super duper sweet 🥹🥹🥹i cant wait to see future works of yours with him in it!! or maybe one with him as the main character 🤭🫣 and as always, joshua is soooo swoonworthy i wanna marry him so bad. mr hong i will get on one knee FIRST!!

this was also a while ago but i realize i never responded, i was the one who sent the chase atlantic song rec!! i'm glad you enjoyed the songs i recommended💘💘

i hope youre doing well （╹◡╹）whatever you decide to write best believe i will be there and i'll LOVE IT!! i genuinely find excitement and joy in your works and i always check your page like everyday for updates. i hope youre taking breaks and taking care of yourself <33 ٩(^‿^)۶

~~ 🧸 anon ♡

hi baby! it's been a while!

aw thank you so much!! i am glad you you liked it! thank you so much for reading and for dropping these beautiful comments in my inbox! 🥹🩵

hehe writing jeonghan is becoming my favorite thing in existence, i love him so much and i wished i wasn't so creatively blocked so i could add more description and mannerisms when he speaks and is around bunny because believe me, i want the jeonghan that lives in my brain to be in city lights, tormenting bunny ksjfhf

oh i hope you like what's in store for my fics hehe, i'll love to know your thoughts. i hope you take care and continue to check in with me? come here 🫂🩵

love you nonnie!! 🩵