#i'm so sorry this wasn't coherent at all i just lose my mind when i remember this

[hekateinhell]

☕ MOB WIFE LOUIS s'il te plait 🤧

ashsjsksjshjsksk

Okay look, I'm well-aware of the differences and similarities between Armand and Lestat, but I think it's fucking hilarious the position that Louis finds him in with each of them by the end of canon (and I don't just mean in the filthy way). Like, Louis is essentially an emotional support animal to both of them. This is why he ends up in France with Lestat, and this is why Armand then gravitates to him like a moth to a flame whenever he's there.

But make no mistake, Louis de Pointe du Lac is a mob wife in every sense of the word. He's a black lab married to two rottweilers. Sidenote: I know Lestat is generally seen as a golden retriever, but I like to think Armand dragged him by the hair once Louis was back safe and sound; put the fear of Satan back into him if he didn't step up and start being preemptively protective.

On one hand there's Armand, who has absolutely worked for the reputation he has among other vampires, and he counts on that rep to protect his family. He's not going to run the gamble the way Marius did in Venice. Armand knows loss and he's not risking Louis or the kids.

And there's Lestat, the literal ruler of their kind. WHO HAS A REPUTATION LIKE LESTAT. Lestat needs no explanation. I definitely think post-canon Lestat would be more on guard, and Armand can give him pointers on conveying an image of ✨don't fuck with me and mine✨ because Armand's not leaving Auvergne even for a night until he knows he can finally trust Lestat with Louis. 😤

So there's both these guys, who would and have killed for Louis. 🥹 And Louis is just... he's doing his thing in the library while his husbands are out there doing their dirty business, being scary. He's watering the monsteras, playing with the kitten, sorting through his wardrobe (the Slut Shirt from Armand; all the gifts from Lestat; more stuff from Armand... Louis is their Ken doll, it's fine).

It's not a "don't ask me about my business, Louis!" situation. It's more like "I don't want to know your business, neither of you." And he really, really doesn't. And 80% of the time they're just doing the vampire equivalent of puffing themselves up and preening around, but it makes them feel like they're doing their duty to the family (and it gives Louis a chance to get a break and hear his own thoughts for once), so it's a win-win.

In conclusion:

[vampcubus]

hii ashi ive got a fun little thought for u

imgagine kyojuro, despite how strong he is, can never ride you for more than a few minutes. kyo always tries his best, but his legs always get so shakey and sore everytime by how overwhelming it is, that you have to help him fuck himself on your strap :((

bell u are a godsend i haven't been able to get this idea out of my mind since u sent it and now that i have coherent thoughts...

:ఌ¨ ♱ 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐓 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 : nsfw, sub!kyojuro, dom!reader, pegging, master kink, overstimulation, long orgasm, not proofread.

Kyojuro's trained to have incredible stamina, but it's like it all goes away and his legs turn to jelly when he's bottoming. He tries so hard to keep going, to keep bouncing on your cock but his legs are shaking and he lets out a frustrated whine. He slows down, looking about ready to cry when his orgasm slips out of his grasp.

"Aw, do you need help, baby?" you purr, watching him struggle with half-lidded eyes, amusement glinting in them. He was so cute it wasn't fair really, his steadily bouncing cock especially, which flops neglected against his belly with each pitiful thrust.

"Please help me. I'm sorry I can't do it myself any longer," he sobs, and you only croon, sitting up so you can adjust him, slipping your hands underneath his ass so you can spread him open and start to bounce him up and down on you. You thrust up into him and the head catches on a spot that makes him squeal, clinging onto you and slurring grateful open-mouthed kisses across your neck and shoulder. "Thank you! ohh thank you, master!"

"S'ok, master's got you. You don't gotta lift a finger. Let me do all the work. It's okay," you pant, a satisfying ache settling in your abdominals as you fuck up into him and press his hips down at the same time. He's all but howling with pleasure, lips sucking marks into the tender flesh of your throat. "There's a good boy."

He moans aloud at your praise, golden eyes rolling back as he loses himself to the pleasant scrape of the toy against his sensitive inner walls. You're practically abusing his prostate, fucking the sense right out of his muscled yet soft body. God he's so handsome, and burly, yet he falls apart and arches for you so prettily.

"Feels so good, m-master. Fffuck! Fuck, I feel so good!" Kyojuro wails, hand shooting to his cock to stroke it. You let him, eager to watch him unravel for you. "I-I'm gonna c-cum soon! Please, please may I cum?"

"Mhm, let it all out baby. Look at me while you cum all over my cock, yeah?" He tears himself away from your neck, teary honey and rose-colored eyes swimming with overwhelmed tears.

You fuck up into him harder at the sight, growling in delight and his hand speeds up on his cock. His dewy lashes flutter, fighting the urge to close. He wants to obey you, to be good for you. The knot in his belly finally snaps and he shouts in alarm as cum spills out of him, painting your stomach with seed as he thrashes and wails.

You bounce his body up and down on you through his orgasm, and he sobs, overstimulated. He stares at you with a desperate look, trembling as he continues to convulse and spurt for longer than he usually would.

"Oh gods! Oh gods! Unhh I-I can't stop cumming. O-oh fuck!" Kyojuro cries helplessly, though his hand keeps milking his own cock, the slippery, frantic movement making an obscene squelching sound.

"Shhh, just let it all out, sweetheart," you comforted, nudging his hand away from his sticky cock to replace it with your own. He flinches when you stroke him with a tight fist, wringing more cum out of him.

"A-ah okay, master. mhhh ahh!" he finally stops erupting, slumping against you with his head on your shoulder, exhausted and twitching like mad. You affectionately thumb at his tip a while longer as he softens in your grasp, before heeding his whimpers of 'no more.' and 'too sensitive.'

[god-has-entered-my-body]

omg omg omg so

we both know how much you're going to enjoy this

but like no pressure and all 🩵

A/N: tysm for this babe, its short but i hope u like it!!

wc: guessing here, maybe 1k?

content warnings: smut, dirty talk, begging, jealousy, girlie is a bit mean, pegging, sex toys (strap), peachy lube because its mpind matty, no beta we die like men

"Don't."

"You know i didn't mea-"

An exasperated sigh leaves your lips as you cut him off again, taking a tantalizing step forward, the distinct smell of cigarettes and perfume filing your senses.

Matty scrambles to stand upright, and despite his tall stature he feels small under your gaze. Your eyes rake over his body, taking in every feature of it, drinking him in. His shirt clings to him like a second skin, the dark blue cotton hugging him in all the right places.

Too-big shorts hang low on his hips, reaching past his knees, his feet clad in white and grey trainers.

He's truly beautiful, but that doesn't excuse the shit he pulled not twenty minutes ago, his eyes low as you walk towards him, a distinct aura of defiance encasing him.

"She wasn't coming on to me, I swear I just-" "You just lit her fag for her? Is that it?" you groan in annoyance, rubbing your temples. "She was fucking drooling over you Matty, you'd have to be blind to not see it."

Matty tries to stutter out another apology, curtly cut off by you pressing your entire body up against him, his knees hitting the foot of the bed. Losing his balance, you manage to maneuver him under you, your hands pinning down his on either side of his head.

The atmosphere shifts, and you can hear Matty's breathing accelerate, getting more and more irregular the harder you stare, his lips parted in anticipation.

"Is this what you wanted? My attention? Fucking hell." Matty twitches under you as your grip on his wrists tightens. His voice comes out garbled and unintelligible as you trail your teeth down his jaw, biting down right where his neck begins. He hisses in delicious pain, small pleas spilling from his lips.

"Please, i'm sorry, i didn't mean to make you jealous- I just-"

"Don't fucking bother, I saw how you were looking at me, begging for a reaction."

The expression on his face is priceless when he realises he's been caught, averting his gaze in a weird sort of shame. With firm hands on his hips, you manage to catch him off guard, flipping him over so that his face is pushed into the pillows, muffling any sounds of protest.

"Don't. move." you order, his body stills at your cold tone, a million thoughts running through his mind, each one more incoherent and lust-driven than the last. The fact that he's still fully dressed only makes him squirm more as he hears the distinct sound of you undressing, the soft clink of leather and metal making his heart thrum against his ribs.

The bed dips when you finally kneel, cold fingers running under his shirt, caressing his chest from behind. Matty's breath hitches at the sensation, and he gasps, feeling your legs settle on either side of his hips.

Soft creaks of the bed are the only noise in the room as your hands snake down to undo the belt of his shorts, slipping them off him. You decide to leave his shirt on, that extra bit of humiliation only adding to the adrenaline coursing through his veins, all the blood in his head rushing south, his cock slowly filling as you dig your nails into the back of his neck, leaving angry red crescent moons indented into the skin.

Matty doesn't speak, he's scared and so fucking turned on he can't even form a single coherent thought, let alone a full sentence. The snap of his boxers against his hip as you pull them down and off him makes him shudder.

"Don't be all shy now, we both know how much you're going to enjoy this." the tip of your strap pressed against his hole makes a wanton whine rip itself from his throat, filling your ears.

"Please darling I need you so bad, fuck." he moans, his knuckles white as he claws at the sheets, back arching into you. The cap of the bottle of peachy scented lube is loud in the near silence of the room, Matty's breath stuttering at the oh-so-familiar sound.

His cock twitches against the covers as you coat the strap and your fingers in the slick substance, using the remaining liquid to draw a small heart on the exposed skin of his back, a soft groan sounding from Matty.

"Fuck me, fuck me so hard i can't think, pleasepleaseplease I need it, I need to feel you." his rambles make are cut off as you inch your way inside of him, a desperate whimper leaving his lips as his hips buck up against the strap, the cool sensation making goosebumps erupt all over his pretty, tattooed skin.

"So fucking pretty for me baby, taking me so well." you coo into his ear, your tongue swiping over his earlobe as he gasps against the hand covering his mouth, a single finger pressing down onto his tongue. His words come out incoherent, swears and pleas muffled by your digits in his mouth.

It really doesn't take long for his moans to pitch higher, beads of precum bubbling at the tip of his cock like a warning, your hand wrapping around him. The choked gasps Matty lets out are like music to your sinful ears, and you pump him faster, knowing just how badly he wants to be pushed over that delicious edge.

"Fuck darling, 'm gonna cum. Please make me cum- shit- it feels so fucking good oh god, oh fuckk." You don't even have to look at him to know the faint tears that coat his cheeks, rolling down his face as the pleasure grows to be to much, seconds away from painting the sheets white.

"You gonna cum, make a filthy fucking mess of yourself for me? Let me hear you baby, so fucking gorgeous, so pretty." you mutter against his ear, strained moans signalling just how close he truly is.

"I love you so much, fucking hell. 'm yours, all fucking yours." your heart swells with love as the words register, and you whisper a soft "I love you too." back to him, your hands speeding up its movements on his cock as he writhes underneath you.

Matty comes with a cry of your name, spilling all over your fingers and the bed as he buries his head into the plush pillows, the sheer force of his orgasm sending him into a state of delirium.

"You're so amazing for me, did so good." you murmur, a satisfied sigh coming from Matty as he flops limply against the bed. Slipping out of him, you apologize softly as he hisses is pain, pressing loving kisses to the hollow of his throat.

"I'm sorry for being so harsh, I-" Matty giggles in your face and you cock an eyebrow at his reaction, looking at him slightly confused.

"You were so fucking hot, i might have to do it again if it gets you like that." you roll your eyes at his cheeky response, burying your face into his chest. "Don't you dare." Matty's teasing laugh fills you with warmth and lulls you into a welcoming sleep.

[f1amboyant]

↻ pick a fic and a different ship and I’ll tell you how I’d rewrite it for: The Worst Alpha and carcar:)

✄ what’s your editing process? (i loooove hearing about people's writing and editing processes)

✦ what was your easiest fic to write & your hardest?

💕💕

Hiiii, thank you for the ask 💕

-> ask me more

✄ what’s your editing process?

Interesting question! I'm gonna answer with my writing process a bit, because both are intertwined (and you said you love hearing about writing process, too 🫣)

So for short fics (under 2k I would say), I mostly write the whole thing in one or 2 sittings, with no plan, just an idea in my head. And when it's done I edit multiple times. A first reread to adjust some details here and there, make a few sentences flow better. And then I do a spelling check, with 2 different softwares because English is not my first language so I want to get it covered.

For longer fics, I plan the whole story, I plan the chapters, I plan the scenes. Then I write scene by scene, usually in order. For each scene, I first write it very badly. I write the scene, fast and bad, not caring about beautiful sentences. The idea is just to put words on the page and to block the scene (like in movies). When this part is done, I go back and I edit a first time, going over all this poorly written scene to write beautiful sentences (or as beautiful as I can do), to make it readable, basically. Then, since it's a long fic and that some ideas might have pop up in the middle of nothing, I do one or 2 full reread, to adjust everything, make sure everything is coherent, make sure the character doesn't realise he is in love 3 times in 3 different chapters, go back to foreshadow an idea that popped in a later chapter, things like that. And then I can do a spell check on each chapter and that's it! ✨

✦ what was your easiest fic to write & your hardest?

Easiest: Corset ~ The words just flew out of me, and it greatly helped that @moossings worked on their drawing at the same time as I wrote, so I just had to put their sketches into words and that was so much fun.

Hardest: Steal your art (and your heart) ~ The first chapters were so much fun and so easy to write, I wasn't prepared for the enormous block that fell on me halfway through it. Writing the last chapters was so so hard, for no particular reason. I was lucky I had my dear @drspleenmeister writing with me 🫶

↻ pick a fic and a different ship and I’ll tell you how I’d rewrite it for: The Worst Alpha and carcar:)

Oooooooh, that's an interesting one. The Worst Alpha is omagaverse charlos, with alpha Charles experiencing omega Carlos' heat for the first time and having a whole crisis about if he is or not a good alpha. And truly, I think Oscar would fit that role pretty well too.

Oscar is an Alpha who grew with omega sisters. He knows what it is to be an omega. In theory. But he's never been with an omega. So it's all pretty new. And also, he has this massive crush on Carlos, because damn, have you seen that man?? Oscar was doomed from the start. But he's trying to act like a good alpha and not get overbearing with the omega he fancies, so he stays mostly away.

Then Lando shenanigans, probably. Maybe Lando does it on purpose or maybe not, but it makes Carlos and Oscar meet. Maybe, Carlos is in heat, and he usually goes to omega Lando for comfort during his heat but Lando isn't answering. And when Carlos goes to Lando's room, he finds Oscar there because Oscar is waiting for Lando to return too (maybe Lando asked him over and then forgot, or something like that).

It hits Oscar. The smell. Powerful. And so so sweet. Mouthwatering. Oscar is losing his fucking mind.

"Oh sorry, I thought this was Lando's room."

"You're in heat."

"Pff, this guy," Carlos huffs. "I know, that's why I'm looking for Lando."

"He's not here," Oscar answers unhelpfully, but his brain is completely fried. There's Carlos in the room with him. Carlos in heat. Oscar is gonna die.

"Well, tell him to call me if you see him."

Carlos starts to leave but Oscar stops him.

"Do you need help? With your heat? Until Lando comes back," Oscar offers.

"Sure." Carlos has never been with an Alpha before but this one smells pretty nice and also, he is tired of waiting for Lando, so why not? He's not afraid of a little Alpha rookie.

So they spend a little time together, in Lando's room. It's awkward as fuck. Carlos borrows a hoodie from Lando and sits on the couch, to play some game. Oscar stays with him and offers to help, getting him heat supplies that he steals from Lando (he doesn't care). He doesn't really know what to do, how to feel. It's never been like that in his family. Oscar is a pretty decent Alpha, but he never had to fight the urge to bend this Omega in half and fuck him senseless. But yeah, that's what's happening now. He is losing his mind.

He keeps his wit enough to half ass taking care of Carlos until Lando comes back and saves them from the awkwardness. Except after that Oscar can't stop thinking about it, can't stop thinking about Carlos. If he had a crush before, this gets to another level entirely because now, he knows what Carlos in heat smells like and it's too much for him. Too much to stay away. So he tries to get close, to court him very awkwardly (and never saying officially it is courting). And maybe in his quest to get closer to Carlos, he also crashes with him on track a little too much (oops 🤭).

They're not exactly becoming friends but they're getting closer. And Carlos isn't entirely immune to this awkward Alpha who's courting him, without courting him. It's cute. And he likes him more and more.

So his next heat, he doesn't go to Lando, he goes to see Oscar (Oscar once again losing his fucking mind as he refrains all instincts to fuck/mate/breed with the beautiful Omega). And again and again. They spend more time together, spending heats together. But nothing happens. They just cuddle a little, play games. They talk too, getting to know each other.

Until Carlos says he would like to try spending his heat having sex, because it can be fun and a very good time (Oscar definitely loses his mind at that). They almost kiss already, just talking about it, grinding against each other (Oscar is losing his mind, definitely). They agree to have sex next heat.

Next heat comes. Oscar is beyond excited, he cannot wait to be with Carlos again. But he sees Carlos with another Alpha (Charles, or Max, maybe). And the two are not flirting exactly, but they are not keeping their distance either. And with Carlos being in pre-heat, this could really be courting.

Oscar is devastated. He thought he was a good Alpha, but apparently he's the worst because Carlos is choosing someone else, and why wouldn't he choose someone else. So Oscar spirals out of him mind, while Carlos' heat hits and it's way stronger than before and without Oscar there to help him, Carlos is losing his mind too but for a whole other reason.

So a little bit of misunderstanding, and an intervention from Lando before they finally get together and it's all better, it's all okay. And their first time is awkward as fuck but so hot and Oscar is the worst Alpha but he doesn't care because apparently, Carlos loves it (him).

[prince-liest]

Sorry, joining the trans!Vox feelings trenches. Because it's just been making me think about how Vox is almost performative even through his sincerity. It's the acting of genuine feelings, everything is bombast and larger than life with him. And that spirals into his gender. Because Vox is intensely masculine in a way that can almost be.... camp is the wrong word but there's an element of gender performance there. Like, the man wears pinstripe trousers even in a casual setting. It is an intensely upper-middle class masculinity and it's just really interesting in the context of Vox being trans because it feels so right for him but to an extent, it's something he had to develop for himself. I don't know, this isn't very coherent.

ok but the idea of vox just being extremely Performative Fifties about gender in life was exactly where my mind went when the mention first came up that he didn't realize he could Do That until he got to hell. Exceptionally Perky Republican Kitten Newscaster Vox. if you're going to do something you are going to do it well and also do it all the way and more than anyone else does. that is the vox motto. -🍓

Combined two asks into one, here, because: Yes!! This is exactly how I see it. Vox in life is the performative fifties feminine version of the current Vox we see in death, and there is a lot to be said for the way that both of those personas are a show he puts on. His public-facing persona is different from his managing-Valentino persona is different from his "Holy shit, the Hazbin Hotel is about to get wrecked!" feet-kicking excitement, and all three of those are him, but none of them except maybe the brakes-disabled excitement about Alastor getting his ass kicked involve him taking a break from masking. He's A Lot by default but he also is A Lot on purpose.

There are trans characters that I would write as trying their utmost to not pay attention to existing in their body pre-transition, and there are trans characters that I would write Performing The Assigned Gender like they're fucking gunning for an award, and Vox falls into the latter category. I don't think he was perfect at it - he's not perfect at being Vox the CEO, either - and I imagine that why he wasn't perfect at it niggled at him rather intensely in ways that probably bothered him way more than the moments such as when he drops the affable business partner persona to shake Val by the lapels... because it wasn't just him losing his temper or getting obsessive, it was him feeling fucking wrong in a way that made him sick, and not understanding why.

Which is to say, figuring out his transition shit after death absolutely made him like 5x more insufferable because that's about when he starting using the confident masking and meaning it. He went from "this is the person I'm supposed to want to be" to "this is the person I actually want to be (note: still an asshole)."

[drunk-on-dk]

HI SKY <333333

Been thinking about riding junhui a lot more than usual lately......but like lazily i love lazy sex and he is giving body worship ehehehehehhe

JENNA <3333 I'm absolutely BUZZING FROM THIS the second I saw you send this in I WAS LIKE YESSSSSS I'M SORRY IT TOOK A BIT... but what a wonderful way to post my first jun work on here because I NEED this. ily thank you for sending this in because I'm obsessed (also with drowning by bobby coming out WHEW what a suitable song)

warnings: no plot just smut (minors i do bite so please DNI), unprotected sex (no protection is mentioned, but pls stay safe friends), fem-bodied reader but no specified pronouns, riding, body worship, marking, sub (?) jun (idk he'd do anything for the reader he's obsessed), pet names (good boy jun)

w/c: ~850 words

Junhui was in a daze, eyes half-lidded and hypnotized by the slow roll of your hips into his. If the grinding motion was enough to set his body on fire, then each pulse of your walls around his cock was enough to make him feel like he could actually combust. But he doesn't, he can't bear the thought of not having your skin on his, absolutely positive that he'd let you ride him like this all night.

At this rate, it may actually be all night, as neither of you can exactly remember how long ago it was since you climbed onto his lap claiming you wanted to "take care of him" tonight. After all, Jun has been such a good boy for you all week; he deserves a little TLC in the form of you pinning him down to the bed and riding him until you both see stars.

He's too entranced by the curves and dips of your body and the way your features twist into the most beautiful expressions of pleasure as you lazily rotate your hips in a figure-8 pattern.

The large hands that trace your body pull soft moans from you, his gentle touch only amplifying the immense amount of pleasure you feel from the stimulation of your clit rubbing against Jun's pelvis and how he fills you so perfectly. His palms run shamelessly over your torso, roaming aimlessly as if to remember every inch of your delicate skin until landing on your hips.

Jun has been mumbling rambles of praises all night, unable to form a coherent sentence due to the way his mind is clouded by you. He's absolutely consumed by the way you feel wrapped around him, loving that he can watch you lose yourself on his cock with each languid, self-guided roll of your hips.

"Can't believe you're mine," he babbles, hands still finding real estate on your hips and rubbing his thumb almost soothingly. "So perfect, so beautiful."

His words have you gasping, your own hands splayed out greedily on his broad chest that heaves as your walls tighten with each doting word.

"S-shit, Jun," you moan a bit louder when his hands spread to your ass, your body falling limp against his when he grips the muscle a little tighter to stop the motion of your hips.

"Please," he whimpers, nuzzling his nose deeper into your neck and breathing in your intoxicating scent, his mind absolutely fogged by thoughts of you and only you. "Don't want this to end, need you all night."

Jun's mouth traces your neck lovingly, teeth and lips suckling at your skin that you'd almost think he was teasing if you knew he wasn't love-drunk off you. You can't help but pick up the pace, resuming the motion of your hips as you continue to lazily fuck yourself on his cock.

The overwhelming feeling of you sinking onto him again has him sucking in air, his adam's apple bobbing as he gulps, coming up for air, and trying not to drown in the sensation of your warmth surrounding him.

"Let me take care of you, Jun," you breathe against his cheek, goosebumps running down your spine as his fingers trace up and down your torso. "You're so precious to me."

It's dizzying how his lips leave warm, wet spots from your collarbone up until he connects with your lips. He moans in delight, breaking away to pebble kisses all over your body as you lift yourself up just to sink down again.

Jun swears he won't ever get sick of how you wrap so perfectly around him, trying to voice his thoughts but only a raspy groan comes out against your throat when your fingers tangle themselves into his hair. He busies himself by gently nibbling on the thin, delicate skin of your neck, absolutely unaware of the love bites he leaves along the way.

He was all yours for the taking, you could feel the unconditional love he poured into you as you guide yourself to pleasure, ultimately leading to his own pleasure as well. You can feel every twitch of his length when you moan his name, making the fluttering feeling of your walls and the pulsing of your clit more evident.

The orgasm that you had been leisurely chasing was now near, unable to suppress the euphoric ebbing feeling that made your walls contract in delight.

"Junhui," you pant, the sluggish roll of your hips now becoming more desperate as your pleasure began to wash over you. "I'm close, be my good boy and finish with me."

It's all Jun needs to hear, understanding your body more than you'll ever know, and releasing inside of you when he feels the tell-tale sign of your walls fluttering around his length, filling you deeply with his hot seed. It almost feels as if all the oxygen has been sucked out of the air for Jun, the hazy fog that clouds his head only makes his mind whirl more as he watches you fall apart on top of him. So beautiful, so perfect, and all his. He will always take whatever you give him; you have him wrapped so tightly around your finger and he swears he'll always be your good boy if these are benefits.

taglist | @wonderfulshinee @yourfavoritefreakyhan @jonghour @wonuhour @dkakapizzaboy

please feel free to reach out if you'd like to be included in the tag list, I'm finally starting to add it to my works :)

[deathbxnny]

angst hshavjsbsjs

Ykyk that one yanqing with mara struck reader? Let's make it worse. This time, Yanqing sees the reader a tad bit late, like they're already gone- mara-struck monster and all. Then YQ and R fight and then YQ dies and JY had to put down R himself 💀💀

I'm sorry my bro

-----♡

A/N: Hello there Anon! Sorry the request took so long... I'm super busy at the moment. So I hope this is somewhat coherent and okay for you! Thank you for the request and patience!<33

Content: Angst, hurt/no comfort, character death, reader dies, Yanqing suffering even worse, mentions of fatal injuries/blood

Reader has no set pronouns!

((Not fully proofread))

-----♡

This wasn't supposed to happen. He shouldn't have gotten angry at you that day. He shouldn't have argued and yelled, making you run away to cool off. He just should've talked it out with you... and now, he was about to lose you forever. He panted, every breath sending a sharp sting through his lungs, as he clutched his side. His legs were shaking, his vision blurry, words coming out in an incoherent mess. He was trying to tell you to calm down. To please come back to him.

It was too late, however, as you tried swiping your sharp claws at him relentlessly, your body twisted and turned into a horrific abomination of a Mara-struck monster. But it was still you. It was always just you. Nothing he said or did mattered anymore to your empty mind either, your only focus was on killing your enemy. Your dear lover. He should've been there. He shouldn't have let you go. He should've been Mara-struck instead.

You had injured him horribly already at that point and so there was no escape from your finishing move. It was your signature one, Yanqing realised with a weak smile. A part of you was still in there, scrambled beyond recognition yes, but still there. It made him feel at peace, although he also accepted this as his punishment. His hand covered yours, as you drove the blade deeper into his chest, until he simply let go. Only then did you retract your blade and carelessly step over him to beat your next enemy.

Jing Yuan's face was unreadable, his eyes watching the blood pool around the boy he had raised for so many years. It reached his shoes, drenching the leather crimson. He thought that he was used to this sight, until it was his own son laying dead before him. And his heart broke not only for him, but also for you. You were stumbling towards him, clumsy and somehow focused at the same time. It was a pitiful sight, one that the man would forever have etched in his mind.

"I'm sorry. To the both of you." Jing Yuan could only say, his voice somehow still steady, when his mind and heart were crumbling. You attacked him then and all he did was stare at you, as he simply beheaded you, closing his eyes when the leaves hit his form and your body instantly dropped next to Yanqing's.

The silence after was deafening.

-----♡

A/N: Alright, I hope this was okay! Thank you again for the request and I'm sorry it took so long!<3

[lenaspeaksthings]

anon request: omg omg omg so we both know how much you're going to enjoy this but like no pressure and all 🩵

A/N: tysm for this babe, its short but i hope u like it!!

wc: guessing here, maybe 1k?

content warnings: smut, dirty talk, begging, jealousy, girlie is a bit mean, pegging, sex toys (strap), peachy lube because its mpind matty, no beta we die like men

"Don't."

"You know i didn't mea-"

An exasperated sigh leaves your lips as you cut him off again, taking a tantalizing step forward, the distinct smell of cigarettes and perfume filing your senses.

Matty scrambles to stand upright, and despite his tall stature he feels small under your gaze. Your eyes rake over his body, taking in every feature of it, drinking him in. His shirt clings to him like a second skin, the dark blue cotton hugging him in all the right places. Too-big shorts hang low on his hips, reaching past his knees, his feet clad in white and grey trainers.

He's truly beautiful, but that doesn't excuse the shit he pulled not twenty minutes ago, his eyes low as you walk towards him, a distinct aura of defiance encasing him.

"She wasn't coming on to me, I swear I just-" "You just lit her fag for her? Is that it?" you groan in annoyance, rubbing your temples. "She was fucking drooling over you Matty, you'd have to be blind to not see it."

Matty tries to stutter out another apology, curtly cut off by you pressing your entire body up against him, his knees hitting the foot of the bed. Losing his balance, you manage to maneuver him under you, your hands pinning down his on either side of his head.

The atmosphere shifts, and you can hear Matty's breather accelerate, getting more and more irregular the harder you stare, his lips parted in anticipation.

"Is this what you wanted? My attention? Fucking hell." Matty twitches under you as your grip on his wrists tightens. His voice comes out garbled and unintelligible as you trail your teeth down his jaw, biting down right where his neck begins. He hisses in delicious pain, small pleas spilling from his lips.

"Please, i'm sorry, i didn't mean to make you jealous- I just-"

"Don't fucking bother, i saw how you were looking at me, begging for a reaction."

The expression on his face is priceless when he realises he's been caught, averting his gaze in a weird sort of shame. With firm hands on his hips, you manage to catch him off guard, flipping him over so that his face is pushed into the pillows, muffling any sounds of protest.

"Don't. move." you order, his body stills at your cold tone, a million thoughts running through his mind, each one more incoherent and lust-driven than the last. The fact that he's still fully dressed only makes him squirm more as he hears the distinct sound of you undressing, the soft clink of leather and metal making his heart thrum against his ribs.

The bed dips when you finally kneel, cold fingers running under his shirt, caressing his chest from behind. Matty's breath hitches at the sensation, and he gasps, feeling your legs settle on either side of his hips.

Soft creaks of the bed are the only noise in the room as your hands snake down to undo the belt of his shorts, slipping them off him. You decide to leave his shirt on, that extra bit of humiliation only adding to the adrenaline coursing through his veins, all the blood in his head rushing south, his cock slowly filling as you dig your nails into the back of his neck, leaving angry red crescent moons indented into the skin.

Matty doesn't speak, he's scared and so fucking turned on he can't even form a single coherent thought, let alone a full sentence. The snap of his boxers against his hip as you pull them down and off him makes him shudder.

"Don't be all shy now, we both know how much you're going to enjoy this." the tip of your strap pressed against his hole makes a wanton whine rip itself from his throat, filling your ears.

"Please darling I need you so bad, fuck." he moans, his knuckles white as he claws at the sheets, back arching into you. The cap of the bottle of peachy scented lube is loud in the near silence of the room, Matty's breath stuttering at the oh-so-familiar sound.

His cock twitches against the covers as you coat the strap and your fingers in the slick substance, using the remaining liquid to draw a small heart on the exposed skin of his back, a soft groan sounding from Matty.

"Fuck me, fuck me so hard i can't think, pleasepleaseplease I need it, I need to feel you." his rambles make are cut off as you inch your way inside of him, a desperate whimper leaving his lips as his hips buck up against the strap, the cool sensation making goosebumps erupt all over his pretty, tattooed skin.

"So fucking pretty for me baby, taking me so well." you coo into his ear, your tongue swiping over his earlobe as he gasps against the hand covering his mouth, a single finger pressing down onto his tongue. His words come out incoherent, swears and pleas muffled by your digits in his mouth.

It really doesn't take long for his moans to pitch higher, beads of precum bubbling at the tip of his cock like a warning, your hand wrapping around him. The choked gasps Matty lets out are like music to your sinful ears, and you pump him faster, knowing just how badly he wants to be pushed over that delicious edge.

"Fuck darling, 'm gonna cum. Please make me cum- shit- it feels so fucking good oh god, oh fuckk." You don't even have to look at him to know the faint tears that coat his cheeks, rolling down his face as the pleasure grows to be to much, seconds away from painting the sheets white.

"You gonna cum, make a filthy fucking mess of yourself for me? Let me hear you baby, so fucking gorgeous, so pretty." you mutter against his ear, strained moans signalling just how close he truly is.

"I love you so much, fucking hell. 'm yours, all fucking yours." your heart swells with love as the words register, and you whisper a soft "I love you too." back to him, your hands speeding up its movements on his cock as he writhes underneath you.

Matty comes with a cry of your name, spilling all over your fingers and the bed as he buries his head into the plush pillows, the sheer force of his orgasm sending him into a state of delirium.

"You're so amazing for me, did so good." you murmur, a satisfied sigh coming from Matty as he flops limply against the bed. Slipping out of him, you apologize softly as he hisses is pain, pressing loving kisses to the hollow of his throat.

"I'm sorry for being so harsh, I-" Matty giggles in your face and you cock an eyebrow at his reaction, looking at him slightly confused.

"You were so fucking hot, i might have to do it again if it gets you like that." you roll your eyes at his cheeky response, burying your face into his chest. "Don't you dare." Matty's teasing laugh fills you with warmth and lulls you into a welcoming sleep.

[lost-boys-chapter]

I have successfully completed the twok reread!! got through the sanderlanche this afternoon. hoping to get through words of radiance before september as it's the last work month before many a school month meaning my free time is gonna plummet dramatically. anyway

I've not got a bunch to say about the end of this book, considering how much happens. I think most of what we actually learn in twok is resolved in the next few books. but of course who would I be without my rambles?

genuinely one of my favorite moments of this book was when kaladin went around the tower looking for someone in charge and when he couldn't find someone he just looked at one guy and went 'you're promoted.' my man does NOT have the authority and everyone knows it but they're just like. yeah sure why not. kaladin ily.

I do really feel for rlain at this point. not sure I ever really processed how shit his situation was when he revealed himself in (wor or ob?) cus by that point the carapace armor shit has passed but jesus fucking christ someone give that crab therapy. renarin I'm looking at u

KABSAL!! we've been knew by this point that I forgot about him but he was a ghostblood?? mind you not a very good one was he. that was a very cool reveal that I feel like. did actually hit harder in cool points the second time around.

think I'll def begin to enjoy dalinar's pov now again. he's so boring in twok I'm so sorry. but yeah

looking forward to shallan's pov chapters next book. I wasn't really paying attention to Team Scholar the first time around but knowing more of actually what's going on with them now they're like. crazy lore dropping left and right. I wanna see what I can glean from these two now I'm more invested in both their characters and their storylines.

I think wit is suspicious. but I love him. his epilogues are great. I fear his goals will be beyond all of our understanding until it's too late xxx

also the more I reread the more I buy into the city-shattering/continent shattering theory I've seen around. totally forgot about that vision that dalinar has where kholinar shatters. given it was the first one he had I suspect it might be an end-of-book event in kowt. but who knows Brandon's mind is unknowable!!

I've definitely been thinking a lot about the death rattles too. a couple of main thoughts:

does anyone else think the 'I hold the suckling child in my hands....and know that all who live wish me to let the blade slip....and with it gain us breath to draw' one leads into 'so the night will reign, for the choice of honor is life?' it definitely sounds like they're both referring to child champion theory. which I do hate as a theory but I see it.

I think the 'I'm standing over the body of a brother. I'm weeping. is that his blood or mine? what have we done?' one is usually agreed to be about gavilar but I think it's about kaladin and moash. I won't b elaborating.

also the 'I raise my hand. the storm responds' one could so be about dalinar if he becomes a fused. like he loses the battle but still retains some bondsmith powers and now uses them for ✨️evil✨️ or something. who knows.

anyway that's all for now, hopefully about 40% of it is coherent. will be reading the new preview chapters after work tonight or tomorrow but I'm hyped for them !!

[artsycloudysleepy]

no one cares but seeing as ISAT has me in a chokehold rn my fav characters in order:

Siffrin

Odile

Loop

Isabeau + Bonnie

Mirabelle

(i am SO sorry mira lovers i love her too it's just i like the others a lil' bit more pls don't sacrifice me /jk)

Reasons why:

(Spoilers for the whole game under cut! This includes the epilogue + 2hats + achievements! I go full-on infodump!!)

Siffrin - I love angst and I love happy endings. I also love seeing a character slowly lose their sanity. Act 5?? when they SNAP?? I was SO excited the whole way through. REVELLING in it. I loved seeing his facial expressions and wording change with each loop (esp the friends -> family -> actors pipeline). I LOVE analysing that stuff!! also i correctly predicted where they came from and did a little dance when confirmed so yay! (for the record i headcanon the Country as in-game version of France or a region nearby, just bc of Mal du Pays' name - fun fact, that translates to 'homesickness'! (cries))

(edit: i now know that Vaugarde is France so uh. idk anymore lol)

(also i'm a sucker for sickfics and delirious characters bc it's so tender and sweet and that scene in act 5/6/whatever?? the way everyone was so concerned for them?? the way that Sif was so desperate to fight the King and break the loops that they willingly went through the whole House, fought every monster by themself, hallucinated his family being there for him to the point he doesn't even originally see the actual photo of himself and instead sees the first photo the family took in the mirror?? not even the ones he faked smiles for, but the one he was genuinely surprised and joyful in??? the fact they were malnourished and burning up when they fought the King and tried anyway to get through it and were still coherent enough to be terrified their family would die?????? how-)

Odile - I got the Sus achievement bc I love other characters figuring another one out, and she's really interesting. I loved her constantly guessing that sif might be a bit off too. Her background made me SO sad and her and Sif's heart-to-hearts in the hangout and the epilogue made me really emotional. And she's kinda hot uhh and her Paper α V helped a lot lol (haha pls help i am a humble lesbian)

also her just wanting to sleep and ignore everyone's chatter at ungodly hours is such a mood honestly. she did not sign up for this lmao

(again the fever stuff with Sif sold me on Dile, too. her checking in on him and monitoring his fever?? the way she was quite obviously incredibly concerned and wanting to make sure they're at least physically okay bc their family dynamic is so strong now?? it destroyed me. I love her sm you have no idea)

Loop - They made me genuinely bawl. I am SO upset I didn't get their boss fight (i didn't know how to unlock it and had no backup saves), but i'll replay ISAT once recovered from looping 71 times. Their BG sold me, otherwise I would have ranked them maybe at Mirabelle's place? I like to think that post-game Sif found them again and forced them to be adoptive siblings. Loop awkwardly being dragged around by Sif who's just happy they're not the only traumatised Sif to exist

Isabeau - Puns. Crushing. Smart jock, buff nerd. What's not to love?? The relationship with Sif was surprisingly gripping - I knew I'd be invested in the gayness dw, but i was worried that would be all there is to his character or that he'd constantly be made the butt of a joke in that regard. but he wasn't!! and the jokes were funny (I loved Odile just third-wheeling constantly)! and the confession was beautiful. I am so happy that he also didn't rush Siff into a relationship: 'yh dw u kinda just died a bunch i'm not in a hurry for u to make up ur mind lol'. also transmasc isa :D

I think also how in Act 5 Isa was the only one to prepare himself for Siff's increasing mania and depression + willing to challenge him back to stand up for himself and their family really sold me. Like, he's not the oblivious crush who's like 'omg siff's amazing haha nothing they ever do is wrong' like some media portrays crushing ppl. He's very aware Sif is an incredibly flawed person (as all ppl are, but esp him at that moment), but he's also very aware that something is causing them to act like this and knows that staying calm and not shouting back is best. He knows they're suffering, even if he doesn't know the extent right then, and wants to help him however he can.

Bonnie - They're adorable and hilarious. I felt so guilty when I tried to feed Sif plantain chips (after getting the trigger about them) and the pineapple bc they were so happy?? and then Sif reacted to it negatively (in one case dying) and I felt SO AWFUL. And when the King killed them I genuinely was in shock. Hand over mouth. I knew 'children in peril' was a tw but I thought they might just get hurt/be in danger; not that (not a personal trigger so was okay with it dw). But I loved that twist. I did not expect that and it was so gripping!!

aaaaand then the Snack Leader is superior regardless! Plus I correctly predicted that they were part of why Sif's blind in one eye and how (guessed he jumped in to save them from a sadness) so i was chuffed at that. I also loved how they were written really realistically for a child their age - most media seems to portray pre-teens (tho i see Bonnie more as a 10.5-11yo who says they are a preteen anyway) as obnoxious/idiotic/babyish, or write their dialogue as if they have never spoken to or been a child in their life.

Mirabelle - OKAY I KNOW I'LL GET PPL MAD ABT THIS I'M SORRY. SHE IS THE AROACE ICON AND I LOVE HER BELIEVE ME! I just didn't really feel as strongly abt her than the rest?? idk i mean maybe it's bc i'm atheist and don't really relate to the religious narrative as much (the guilt over being aroace being tied to the Change belief). I related to her a lot on the aspec front, just less on the other part? so maybe she's just not the character i can relate to as much. Still, I love her and will protect her with my life 🧡💛🤍🩵💙

[witchoftrinity]

1 from basics, 2 from OCs !

Munday Questions

Do you tell your friends / family that you write?

Half my friends are also writers writers/rp people too so its a boon to my sanity when I don't need to explain how out of pocket my muse choices are. As for my family well...yeah I haven't lmao.

They do know I do DND stuff so realistically it shouldn't be too hard to explain this as well. It'd be more trying to tell them the muses I do and not sound like a lunatic.

Who was your first OC?

its been so long I wouldn't even know. Beyond DND characters there's definitely around 2 dozen characters just lost to time that I wrote down concepts for and never really expanded upon.

I think the first real one I developed significantly was a Fate Master that I still use relatively often to this day. She wasn't anything special, really most of it was just other character traits that I cut off and slapped onto her but that's what we all did way back when. Nowadays I actually have a coherent idea of who they are and not some hobbled mess but goddamn their FC changed a few hundred times and really shows how my tastes went.

I'm talking like Deadman Wonderland to Tokyo ESP to Otherside Picnic to whatever is on my mind today. If you ask how it got to that point I LITERALLY would not be able to tell you it just happened. But she's someone I sat down and wrote out a backstory and all that jazz. Nowadays there's stuff like XIV where I can shove most of my energy and call it a day. But past Allul was crazy don't screw with them.

How do you create an OC? What are your steps for developing an OC?

I'm very sorry that this part is long but really its just me rambling with my bad opinions especially as someone who does canons a lot more nowadays. Anyway...

"Just do it. Within reason." - Allul 2k24

This is like 30% a shitpost but also like 70% serious. I feel too many people get hung up on handling everything at once rather then taking it one step at a time. Your mind (especially someone like myself who goes full ADHD constantly) just can't work that way delegating everything to where it needs to go. Then you lose motivation, do nothing, all the above and nothing ever gets done. At least that's how I've noticed my mind goes.

Basically my mindset goes

1. Jot down the idea for a character or group of them. 2. Ruminate over how/what they might do in said setting. Main goal smack dab in the middle. 3. What forces/motivations are helping them reach that goal? Friends? Foes forcing their hand? Outside forces beyond our comprehension? Those are the circles around that middle goal. 4. Other ideas, potentially characters that are intertwined with them, etc.

So Teacher Allul is in session and four an example like this I'll do a certain someone that reared their head here for awhile. Ofc I feel DND works off different rules because you are (usually) at the DM's mercy but that doesn't mean you can't have a compelling OC.

For Asuna "Step 2" I really wanted to try and push the whole "sheltered royalty wants to find out about the real world" vibe but not make it basically her defining character purpose. "Step 3's" forces that influenced her was...well her actually dying and coming back as a ghost on top of the world ending threat that the campaign had. The people she met along the way and getting closure with those intertwined with her own past helped motivate her IC to keep pushing to finally get some that ending she wanted and still open the book for more adventures down the road.

For your own characters just existing in their own universes or other canonverses you definitely have more breathing room since you can fill them into the blanks or have something in the story influence them. It helps ease your mind and connects the goals much easier then your own mind. But ofc YMMV and most importantly, you should have fun! If something isn't seeming right look at it later and find out what you aren't enjoying. it's your character and you can do whatever the hell you want.

[eddie-van-munson]

Lightning Bolts (Eddie Munson x Reader)

Summary: (Hurt/Comfort) You haven't touched Eddie since he came home from the hospital. He assumes it's because you're disgusted by the way he looks, covered in scars from the Upside Down, but that couldn't be further from the truth. In reality, you're just afraid of losing him again.

Warnings: Smut, Hurt/Comfort, Medical Triggers, Eddie has Scars from the Demobat Attack and Dislikes Them, Anxiety/PTSD, Talk of Death, Series Typical Violence, Spoilers, Cursing.

Requested by: @mazzeeeliz (a fic inspired by the song "A Love Like Ours" by Aron Wright). I found most of my inspiration from the line, "This isn't the end, It's only a season. A love like ours will never die." This fic is kind of all over the place though jdbfnd I'm so sorry.

(Medical Triggers: Eddie is in the Hospital after the Demobat attack. Non-Descript Mentions of Wounds, Injections, Blood etc.)

***********

"Why's it-? Hurts... hurts. It's...Fuck..."

Eddie's head wasn't there yet when his eyes finally opened. He couldn't get many words out, just a mumbled assortment of curses, whimpers, and slurred questions. His dark brows were furrowed with confusion as he weakly tried to pull the IV from his arm and tug his bandages off. He struggled against Steve pitifully when he reached out to stop him, his mind still disoriented and half asleep, but he was too frail to fight it. Your throat tightened at the sight of fear clouding in his eyes. You didn't like it. Not at all.

You'd been so desperate to see those pretty brown eyes open again. You'd wanted to hear his voice.

But now they were open, and when you searched for any sort of coherence or recognition in them, there was nothing.

He was speaking, but no words were there. Only croaked sobs and hoarse indications of pain.

Eddie wasn't awake yet. Not really. You almost wished he was asleep again, if only so he wouldn't hurt. He wouldn't be afraid.

You took his hand in yours as you stood beside him, Steve holding his other one to keep him from hurting himself. You hushed him softly as tears filled his big dark eyes, reaching up to feel his head. He was still warm from infection, but he was better. "It's ok, baby. You're safe. Just relax." You hummed as his breathing slowed. "There we go...that's it."

You dragged your fingertip over his face soothingly, tracing around his forehead and down across his nose. He calmed, staring up at you as you traced his cupid's bow and around his jaw.

"I know you're afraid, sweetheart. You don't know where you are, do you? Or why you're hurting..." You cooed to him gently. "You probably don't even know who we are, yet. But we're going to make it feel better, ok? Just gotta relax, for me."

He eased as you stroked his hair, running your fingers through his tangled curls. Some of the fear faded from his expression, leaving fogginess in his drug blown pupils. You brushed a tear from his cheek.

"Are you hurting bad?" You kept your voice steady and calm, holding his gaze. He gave a  dizzy nod. "Ok, angel. We'll find you some more medicine."

You hadn't been able to take him to the hospital. There'd been a hundred reasons why, the least of which being that he immediately would have been arrested for three counts of murder. He'd be sent to prison as soon as he healed. That is, if he healed. Small town doctors and nurses weren't exactly trained on procedures related to inter-dimensional bat maulings.

Instead, you took him to the lab, praying the whole way that there was something they could do. That you'd make it in time.

He'd been unconscious for days, his torn body pumped with drugs to keep him asleep and stable. They'd given him an emergency blood transfusion, and it was the longest 12 hours of your life. You paced the hallway, waiting. Waiting to see if his body would accept the transfusion. Waiting to see if they could knit him back together. Waiting to see if he'd live through the night.

You sobbed in relief when they said he was stable enough for you to see him. They'd decided put him under, which was dangerous in the state he was in, but it had to be done. It would have been cruel to risk him waking up like this, and he needed to be kept still and at rest to aid him in healing.

It'd been a few days, now, and Owens was starting to transition him off of the general anesthetic. He'd warned you it would take him a while to get his head back, if it came back at all. There was a possibility it wouldn't after that kind of physical trauma. You didn't let yourself even consider that possibility.

He was under sedation still, but it was more to keep his muscles relaxed and ease him awake. Even though he was conscious, he wouldn't remember. He was stuck in between sleep and awake. Owens called it "twilight".

You could see him thinking, his tired eyes searching your face and the room as if it were a puzzle to solve. He stared at you, brow furrowed like it was on the tip of his tongue, but he couldn't quite make the connection. You held his hand for a long time, soothing him as tears rolled down his flushed cheeks.

"Y/N." It was practically a whisper. His voice was hoarse, but it was there.

The relief that spread over you was like a warm, sweet tidal wave. "That's right, baby. You starting to come back to us?"

Steve stood when he heard him speak, only to return a moment later with a glass of water. Eddie stared up at him as you gave a soft 'thanks', studying his friend in quiet confusion. Steve smiled, giving him a little wave. "Hey, man."

Eddie's paused, his expression relaxing, and swallowed thickly. You could have cried when he spoke, again. His voice was so small and pitiful, "Hey."

He sounded like a scared little boy.

His sweet, sleepy brown eyes found yours again, and you frowned, grazing your thumb along his chapped lips protectively. "You want some water, baby?"

He took a moment to process, but gave a slow nod, his hand coming up to reach for the glass.  You held it for him, helping him take slow sips.

"Y/N..." He murmured, squirming weakly in his sheets. "Hurts."

"I know, sweet boy. It'll feel better soon, I promise." You glanced to Steve and he nodded, leaving to get the nurses. Eddie whined softly and glanced around, as if he was trying to find what was causing the pain.

For the first time, he saw himself. Really saw himself. He was covered in bandages, countless lines of stitches scattering over the few parts of him he could see. The bites. You watched his eyes as he realized the state he was in, a few pieces of the puzzle clicking into place. Immediately his breathing started to quicken with panic. A sob escaped his throat, his hand trembling where you held it, and he gave you a panicked look.

"I've got you, Eds. It's ok..."

His lower lip quivered when he exhaled, tears welling over and rolling down his cheeks. He scrunched his face uncomfortably, voice cracking. "Hurts...it hurts."

 "Hey..." You fought your own tears as you cradled his chin, making him look up at you. His pulse sped as you guided him in slow breaths. "They're coming to fix it, baby. I've got you."

"Make me go to sleep. Please. Please make me sleep." His voice was rough. He squeezed your hand, giving another little sob. "I don't want to look at it."

Your lip quivered as you held his face in your hands, trying to keep him from upsetting himself further. His beautiful brown eyes were so full of pain it made you feel ill. You choked pitifully, "I love you so much, Eds. I'm sorry. I'm...I'm so sorry." 

The door opened. Steve and the nurse.

"What's wrong?" Steve took one of Eddie's hands, trying to relax him. You couldn't answer. Vaguely, you could hear the nurse talking to Steve. He's panicking. You brushed the tears from his cheeks as you watched the nurse prepare a sedative from the corner of your eye. It's better to put him back to sleep. His heart rate is getting too high. Steve flashed you a concerned look as he reached out to take hold of Eddie's bicep. Can you keep him still for me? Eddie clung to Steve's forearm where he held him, inhaling sharply at the injection. He tensed in your arms, and you hushed him sweetly as he went still.

"We've got you, Eds." Steve's brow furrowed as he watched his body sink slowly. "That's it."

You cradled him against you as you watched his eyes finally go empty, his head lulling back. Slowly, you let him go, allowing his body to fully relax into the mattress before immediately breaking into sobs. Steve rushed to you, pulling you into a tight hug, but the words still echoed in your head.

It hurts. Make me go to sleep. I don't want to look at it.

***********

Months Later

Eddie was desperate to be touched. He ached for it.

He'd healed. His stitches had come out, leaving hundreds of scars. The bites were hardly visible to anyone but himself now, but the larger wounds on his ribs and chest were dark and un-ignorable. And they always would be.

Eddie hated them. He hated every last one of them. He hated the memories they gave him of blinding pain and the feeling of blood soaking his clothes. But more than that, he hated how they looked.

He knew it sounded stupid. Vain, even. But he'd never been very happy with his appearance in the first place. He'd learned to live with his looks Sophomore year, when he'd grown his hair out, but he'd never liked his face or his body. He was always too lanky. Too pasty. Too thin in some places and too soft in others. Too many acne scars and stretch marks.

But now? He'd kill to look the way he used to. It made him sick to think he'd ever complained about it in the first place, because you hadn't touched him since he left that lab.

The government had pulled some strings, airing news stories all over Hawkins.

Man Found with Murder Weapon: A Breakthrough for The Cunningham Case

Finally Behind Bars! Hawkins Breathes a Sigh of Relief!

Justice is Served in Local Murder Cases

They gave a name and a picture, some guy no one had ever seen before, and that was that. The town was appeased and no one really went to jail. No more Munson Murders.

Still, Eddie stayed inside with you at the apartment you shared, too sickened by the idea of stares. It was a new feeling for him. He'd always welcomed the stares. He couldn't, anymore.

He'd been out once. He went to the grocery store down the street for cigarettes and milk. A little girl stared at him in the grocery isle, and he didn't think much of it at first. Kids stared at him a lot. They thought his clothes were funny. He smiled at her, giving her a little wave. Without warning, her eyes went wide, terror filling them when she realized he was looking at her. Tears welled in her big baby blues as she broke into cries at the sight of him, hiding her face in her mother's leg. Her mother looked over, picking her daughter up and soothing her as she mouthed an apology.

He hadn't left the house since. Every time he thought he could, he imagined those big blue eyes filling with tears.

You took care of him, though. You were patient. You listened. You let him cry. A lot. But you didn't touch him.

You'd only hold him in your sleep, rolling over and wrapping your arms around him tightly as you murmured nonsense. It was heaven, every time. He waited so patiently for you to fall asleep each night so he could pull you into his arms and feel your skin, warm against his.

The only time you still wanted him was when your eyes were closed. He tried not to let that hurt his feelings. He didn't blame you.

Today marked another month. Eddie didn't want the alarm to go off. He wanted you to stay in his arms, snuggled in against the crook of his neck where you still loved him. Where you still wanted him.

He kissed your forehead, traveling down to your nose, and you curled in closer. He smiled, gathering your locks up off your nape as he laid you down against the mattress. You barely stirred. Slowly, as not to scare you, he nuzzled his face in your neck, letting his hand lace through your hair and cradle your head. His lips were warm and soft as he peppered them over the sensitive skin of your throat. You moaned softly, head tilting back. A hot breath fanned your skin as he breathed a relieved sob, letting his kisses deepen. You hummed his name breathlessly, your fingers lacing in his curls.

He gave a gorgeous sound as you searched for friction against him, needily. He groaned, pushing your baby hairs back off of your forehead as your sleepy eyes fluttered open. Lazily, you slid your palm up his chest and over his throat, gazing your thumb over his cheek as you pulled him down into a kiss. He felt like he was going to pass out, he was in such bliss. You were warm and gentle with him, and you'd just found his soft spot right below his ear when your kisses slowed to a stop. A scar. It was tiny, just two faint spots from the fangs of a bat, but it was there. Your stomach went cold.

 It hurts. Make me go to sleep. I don't want to look at it.

Suddenly, your skin felt icy. You were looking into his pained eyes, watching him beg you to be put under. You were putting pressure against his shoulder, praying and sobbing as he choked on his own blood. You were outside the trailer, watching him be shredded by a million bats. Hearing him scream.

You tensed, and Eddie immediately stopped, pulling back. He looked you over, concern furrowing his brow, "What's wrong? What happened? Are you hurt?"

"No...no I'm..." You pulled your shirt on, and the mattress dipped as you stood, headed towards the closet. "I'm late for work."

He frowned, glancing towards the alarm clock. It hadn't even gone off yet. "Babe, you've still got an hour before you've got to leave."

You blanched, fumbling for an answer as you hit a button the alarm clock, cancelling it. "I know I just...um...I wanted to get there early. There's some stuff that needs done.

He wanted to cry. "Y/N..."

You turned to him, your heart aching when you saw the look on his face.

"I need you talk to me." His shoulders were slumped, his arms wrapped around himself where he sat in bed. "I feel like you've got a million things going on in your head lately and I don't have any idea what a single one of them is."

He looked so small. So insecure and hurt. You sat in front of him, taking his hand in your own as you tucked one of his curls behind his ear.

"I just..." You took a shaky breath. "I don't think we should do anything too physical yet, Eds. You're still healing."

"I need you to touch me." He croaked, tears stinging his nose. "I need it. And if you don't want to touch me, I understand that. I know you didn't sign up to be with Freddie Kruger, but I need you to tell me that if that's the case. I can't keep holding out hope that you'll want me again."

You shook your head, your stomach knotting sickly as your jaw dropped, "Eddie no...God no, Eddie. That's not it. That's not it at all. I-...I don't want to hurt you, baby."

"I'm healed. I've...I've been stitched up. Everything is closed and strong, again. Owens said." He sniffled, rubbing at his tear stained cheeks. "I...I need you. If you still want me, then I need you. I need you to hug me after work again. I need you to kiss me goodnight and make love to me. I need you to hold me on the couch when we watch movies. I need things to be normal because I don't...I don't feel human anymore."

"Eddie..." Your eyes finally brimmed over as Eddie gave a sob. Trembling, you crawled into his lap. His arms wrapped around you so tight it nearly hurt. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." You bury your head in his shoulder. "I'm afraid. 'm just afraid. I can't bear to see you in anymore pain, Eds."

You'd been distant. You knew you had been. For months you'd longed to touch him, but the fears in your head deterred you from even trying. Every time you found yourself wanting to let your hands wander, your head clouded with thoughts.

What if he reopens a wound? What if his heart can't handle that yet? What if he's in pain but he's too embarrassed to tell me?

You'd been so terrified to hurt him that you hadn't realized you were doing exactly that. Hurting him. You'd been neglecting him for months, all in the name of keeping him safe.  You'd left him thinking you didn't want him. That his body was too marred to be desirable to you.

"Look at me...Look at me." You held his jaw firmly in your hands as his breathing steadied, his warm, glossy brown eyes watching you.  Your thumb grazed over his cheek, "There's not been a moment where I haven't wanted you."

You said it sternly, leaving no room for negotiation. Eddie shook his head, his forehead creasing with confusion. "I don't understand."

You sighed, guiding him to lay his head against your chest. He gave a shakey breath, taking in your body warmth and the feel of your hands in his hair as he listened to your heartbeat.

"They had to restart your heart." You struggled to say it, an ache churning inside you at the memory of his body jolting under the charged paddles. "They had to pump you full of drugs and keep you asleep...You were so fragile, baby. Never knew if you'd make it through the night..." You held him tighter, comforting yourself. "You could've left me at any moment."

Eddie rubbed your back, sweetly. He clung to you, as if he were trying to protect you from your own memories.

"And when you came to you..." You choked a little, trying to take a deep breath. "Your eyes were so empty at first...and then you were in so much pain. You begged me to make you go to sleep."

Eddie's chest lurched. You'd never told him that, before. He imagined, momentarily, how he'd have felt if it had been you laying in that bed instead of him. He immediately went nauseous.

"I felt like I was torturing you. Keeping you alive with tubes and machines and drugs just because I wanted you to stay. Owens told me the moment he saw you that it might be more humane to let you go...but I couldn't do it, Eddie."

Eddie pulled back to look at you with big sweet eyes.

 "And then you were better and you were home. I didn't want to let myself get used to having you. I felt like the universe was going to play some cruel joke and take you away again. It'd been touch and go for so long. You were so fragile. If something happened...I wouldn't be able to keep going if I lost you again, sweetheart."

You gave a quiet sob as he reached up to brush away your tears.

"I've wanted you so bad for so long, but I'm so scared. I don't want to risk hurting you." You kissed the top of his hair, "I thought if I didn't touch you I couldn't hurt you, but I did. I hurt you so bad, Eddie. Made you feel unwanted. Made you feel like you aren't the most beautiful boy I've ever seen."

"You don't have to say that."

"I'm not saying it because I have to, baby." You rubbed your eyes. "I mean it. I mean it so fucking much."

You were in awe of him as you sat in his lap, his cheeks still pink and his eyelashes stuck together with tears. He pressed a kiss to the pad of your finger as you traced his lips.

Your voice was barely whisper when you spoke again, "Sometimes I wake up before you do, and the sun is just starting to rise...the heat from it turns your nose pink."

He smiled softly, and you can't help but smile too.

"Most of the time you're still dreaming. You talk in your sleep, Eds. Did you know that? You make the sweetest little sounds. The funniest faces."

He watched you as you replayed a memory in your head.

"I could watch you forever like that. Warm and sleepy and happy...God, you're so pretty, angel. You're so pretty. You're perfect. I'll say it a million times a day now, huh? I'm not gonna let you forget it ever again. I've wanted you so bad, sweetheart. You have no idea."

Eddie was breathless, his throat tight. "I'm sorry."

Your brow furrowed, "For what?"

"I should've realized something else was going on." His voice was rocky with emotion. "I love you. I know you. You'd never stop loving me over something like this. I wasn't fair to you. I just..." He bit his lip. "Everything changed between us and when I look in the mirror, I don't like what I see. I just assumed you didn't like it either."

You pulled him close, kissing his forehead and his nose, "Eddie Munson, you could have horns and green skin and I'd still want you. I mean it. You've got me whipped. You could have feathers sprouting out your ass."

His eyes welled as you gave him a sweet kiss. He murmured against your lips, his tightening throat making his words hoarse, "What if it's worse than that?"

You pulled back, crooking your brow, "Worse than feathers sprouting out your ass?"

He laughed softly, wiping tears on the back of his hand as he sniffled. "You haven't had a look at me in a while. I didn't exactly...heal well."

You stroked his hair, looking concerned. "What do you mean by that? Do you still hurt?"

"No. The marks are-"

"The marks? Your scars? Is that what this is about?"

He nodded, swallowing, and gave a humorless laugh. "Like I said. Freddie Kruger."

Your heart sank as he poked fun at himself, trying to cover up his own insecurity. You shook your head, resting against his chest as you toyed with the collar of his shirt. He used to sleep without one, but he'd grown to favor throwing on a Megadeath shirt he'd accidentally gotten a few sizes too big.

"They're such a comfort to me, Eds."

A comfort. What? Eddie's forehead creased as he looked down at you. They usually did the opposite for him.

"How?" His voice was shy, as if he still halfway expected rejection.

"I saw you torn up, Eds. You bled out in my arms. I can't tell you how good it is to see where your body has healed from that."

Oh. Oh. He'd never thought of it like that.

"I have nightmares a lot." You hummed, quietly. "When I wake up scared I can just trace your arms. Look over you." You hold his hand to you, admiring the swirling dips that'd been forever carved into his skin. "I thought some of these would kill you. But you're still here, and all that's left of the hurt is just..." You trailed off, smiling softly as you admired him. "Lightning bolts."

He exhaled, amazed. "Lightning bolts."

"Silver and pink..."  You drew the jagged line  across his forearm, looking up at him. "Can I see the one on your heart?"

You hadn't seen it up close since it had healed. Maybe you'd caught a glimpse or two of it while he changed, but you wanted to touch him. Fear still bubbled in your chest at the idea of your hands on him, but the want in his expression eased it.

He laid back against the pillows, curls mussing as he tugged the large shirt up over his head. Your insides fluttered. You were straddling his hips now, your hands tentatively creeping up over his belly as a warmth settled low in your tummy. "Oh, sweetheart..." 

He was gorgeous. The deep, rosy tear ran right right up to his collarbone, tapering at the ends. The tattoo on his chest had been nearly split in half by it. He stared up at you as you touched him. Admired him. He could see that you liked what you saw. That you wanted it. He could feel it, too.

Heat was starting to pool between your legs where he was pressed against you. It'd been so long. This sweet boy wanted you so bad, and it'd been so long.

"Eddie..." His palms slid up your thighs, giving you a squeeze as they rested there. "Can I tell you something?" You planted your hands on his abdomen.

He nodded, unable to find words. The sensation of your body warmth against his middle was making him feel dizzy and drunk.

"I've missed having you inside me, Eddie." He groaned at your whisper, and your cheeks heated as you sat pressed against his bulge. Your panties were getting damp against his boxers. "Sometimes, I'd lock myself in the bathroom and-"

He bucked weakly against you and you gasped, searching for friction with a few rocks of your hips. His throat went dry. "What did you do, Y/N?"

"Touched myself."

"Jesus baby..."

He thrusted up against you, bouncing you in his lap a little. You gasped at the feeling, biting your lip.

"I did it too." He choked out, trying to catch his breath. "I touched myself, too. Got off when you went to work...Y/N, please. Please touch me. Please."

Your eyes went wide as he begged you.

"We can take it slow, have a safe word just in case, I don't care, but I'm so hard. It hurts..."

It hurts. Make me go to sleep. I don't want to look at it.

You tensed, looking down at your love below you. There he was, beautiful and breathing. And there were his scars. You could feel the roughness of them as you traced your fingertips over his skin. Touching all of the places he'd healed. His pretty brown doe eyes looked up at you pleadingly. You took a deep breath, reeling your mind back in, and sat up on all fours.

Eddie's breath quivered as you nuzzled your face against his cock in his boxers, your hot breath making your name fall from his lips like a prayer. You slipped your fingers into his waistband and pulled them down off of his hips, revealing is painfully red cock. He was visibly throbbing, leaking pre-cum onto his sweet soft tummy with every pulse.

"Fuck Eds. Is this all for me?" Tears rolled down his cheeks as he nodded, whimpering as you kissed up his shaft chastely. "I've been neglecting you, haven't I? Made you hurt so bad. I'm so sorry, angel." 

He reached down for your hand.  You thought he was going to wrap it around his length, but instead he laced your fingers with his, needily. Your heart melted.

"Sweet boy...I'm gonna take such good care of you all day. I'll make you feel so good you forget your own name. Do you think that'll make up for it? Is that a good start?" You sucked one of his swollen balls into your mouth, releasing it with a pop.

His stomach tensed with pleasure, "But-"

"I'll call out of work, Eds. Don't worry about that. I've let my angel forget how pretty he is. I need to remind him. That's all I'm worried about, right now."

He gave a little sob, words breaking, "I love you."

"I love you most, pretty. I love you so much." He squeezed your hand, eyes fluttering shut as his body relaxed. "That's it, sweetheart. Just lay back and let your head go dumb for me. I've got you."

You dipped your free hand between your legs, gathering your slick on your fingers and bringing it back up to his cock. You pumped him a few times, smearing yourself over him before dragging your tongue from his base to his head. Eddie's pretty back arched as his brow furrowed with pleasure. He watched you as you sank your throat down onto him, stroking his base as you bobbed on his length messily.

"Whoa, no no no stop. Holy shit, you've gotta stop."

You froze, pulling off of him so fast as panic settled in your belly. You crawled up him to cradle his face, thumbs stroking his flushed cheeks. "Hey, what's wrong baby? What hurts? Is it too much?"

"No, no 'm ok." He rasped. "I was just..." He trailed off, ears going red.

You smiled softly, "What is it, gorgeous?"

He preened under your praise, his eyes squeezing shut, "I just...I was about to..."

"About to cum?" You brushed his baby hairs back out of his face, fondly.

"Yeah", He gave a pitiful laugh, rubbing his eyes. "Nearly creamed myself. I'm surprised I've made it this long. I feel like a blushing virgin."

You grinned, kissing him as you draped your body over his carefully. "Why'd you stop me? You should've taken what you needed."

"I want to be inside you."

You wiggled your eyebrows at him, "I can wait fifteen minutes, angel."

"I can't." He whined pitifully. "Miss you too bad. I'll let you suck my cock later. I promise."

"Oh you will, huh?" He grinned at that. A real, chesire, Eddie-grin. You giggled in spite of yourself.

"Don't be a brat." He groaned, rubbing his eyes.

"Oh, I'm sorry." You coo, "I forgot that's your job."

He laughed brightly, reaching down to tickle your sides in retaliation. You squirmed, pulling him into a distracting kiss. He hummed against you, pouting. "I'm a brat now? I thought I was your pretty boy?"

You trailed your lips down his throat, his breath growing ragged as you dragged your tongue over the little bat bite. You nipped at his earlobe, sucking it. "Oh sweetheart, of course you are." You punctuated your words with kisses as you worked your way down to suck his collarbone. "My pretty, sweet, perfect little brat."

Sitting up, you straddled his hips again, rocking back and forth for a moment to push your soaked panties down off of your legs. He groaned deep in his chest at the sight of you, and you smiled, taking his hand in yours.

"Close your eyes, for me." He smiled softly, obeying. You inched up his chest, opening his hand and bringing it between your legs.

"Holy shit..." The moan he gave as his fingers slid through you was so pretty you could have cried, "You're so fucking wet." He let himself explore for a moment before you felt the heel of his palm graze your clit, his index and pinkie fingers pressing into the creases of your thighs . His hand pressed flush against your pelvic bone as he slid up into you, his middle finger hooking inwards against a soft spot below your belly.

"Jesus Christ, Eddie." You squeaked, holding his wrist in place as he fucked you with his thick fingers. "Shit, sweetheart. Those bats could've eaten half your fucking brain and you'd still know how to make me cum on these pretty fingers, wouldn't you?"

He laughed, smiling lazily at the praise. Your eyes scrunched, and he could see your stomach starting to tense as he rubbed small, tight circles directly over your g-spot. Your hips bucked into his hand and he bit the tip of his tongue, brows furrowing with focus as you started to clench around him. You pushed down on his wrist, pulling his fingers from inside you.

He whined, frowning as if you'd deprived him of something, "Why'd you do that for?"

You smirked as you caught your breath, watching him bring his fingers into his mouth to suck them clean. "Because..."

You spread your thighs where you straddled him, lowering your cunt enough to slowly glide your heat over the length of his shaft.

His head pulled back with a moan, and you leaned in, kissing his sweet lips. "...I want to cum on this perfect cock."

He pulled you back down into another kiss, a longer one. "I still feel like I'm dreaming." He whispered, his nose burning. "Feel like I'm gonna wake up and you'll be gone, again."

Pain bled through your chest, your eyes going glossy. "That's how I've felt ever since you came to, Eds."

"Well, if this is a dream..." He cradled your face, his nose nuzzled against yours, lovingly. He offered you his pinkie. "Let's just promise each other we won't ever wake up."

A tear brimmed over, and you brushed it away quickly and hooked your little finger with his. "I love you, so much Eddie Munson." He smiled sweetly, his dimples showing. "If you ever die on me again I'm gonna kill you."

The corner of your mouth tugged, "Not if you behave."

He laughed loudly, his head lulling back. He groaned with a smile, squeezing your thighs. "You're half way there, hovering that pretty cunt over my cock like that. So cruel...You gonna make me beg again?"

He exhaled sharply, bucking his hips, desperately as you reached a hand down to stroke him, lining him up at your entrance.

"Y/N L/N..." He murmured gently, his head lulling back.

"What is it, gorgeous?"

"I love you too."

Your stomach fluttered as you sank onto him, and you were unsure if it was because of the words or from the feeling of him splitting you open. Curses fell from his lips as your brow furrowed, a dull ache forming in your tummy. It'd been too long. Much too long.

"Fuck, sweetheart. I'm not gonna last long." He croaked, his eyes rolling back in his head.

"M-Me neither." You whimpered softly, "This is a lot better than your fingers."

He laughed, and you gasped a little, feeling him move inside you. You chased the sensation, rolling your hips on him. He nudged the same tender spot as before with every movement.

"That's it. Ride me, angel...Feels so fucking good." He babbled weakly as you grinded on him, your slick heat smearing over his lower tummy.

You whimpered softly, a tear rolling down your cheek, "Eddie..."

His hands found your hips, knowing you needed more, and lifted you off of him just enough to drop you back down. He thrusted upwards, bouncing you down onto his cock. Your head fell back, your whimpers going choppy with every thrust of his hips.

"That's it, baby. Let me know how good it feels."

You cried out, the lewd sound of wet skin slapping against wet skin filling the room. His hips against your ass. Deep. Deep. Deep. You felt an ache inside you. An itch that needed scratching.

He pulled you down to lay against his chest, and you could feel him throbbing, his hips still thrusting up into you. Your walls tightened around him.

"Ed-d-d-d-ie" Your voice was small and hoarse, your face buried in the crook of his neck. "I'm..."

"That's it, honey. Cum around my cock. Soak me, sweetheart. I've got you."

"I love you, Eds. I love you so much. I'm close I'm cu-- Oh, Oh, Oh..."

Your eyes rolled back in your head as you went limp, every nerve ending in your body frying into warm TV static as you stomach spammed and pulsed around him. You could distantly hear him moaning as he thrusted into you one, two, three more times. He gasped your name hoarsely, clinging to you as you felt his heat fill your belly.

For a long time you laid there, your bodies smeared with a million different kinds of sin. Neither of you would let go of one another. Eddie whimpered softly as occasional aftershocks made your muscles twitch around him.

He could feel a sticky mixture of cum and wetness starting to drip down onto his hip from your cunt. You locked eyes as he pulled out, reaching down between you to dip two of his fingers inside you. You squirmed a little, but went still as you watched him bring his fingers back up to show you. He hummed softly as he spread them, sticky, glistening strings forming between his coated didgets. He made eye contact as he brought them into his mouth, sucking his fingers clean.

You scrunched your nose, "You're nasty."

Eddie burst into loud laughter grinning, as he rubbed your thighs. He gave a fond hum,  "Nah, baby. We taste good together."

You stared up at him. He could tell he'd made you curious. He crooked his finger and you moved closer, letting him pull you into a dirty, messy kiss. You moaned as your tongue grazed his, and you tasted yourself on him. A thin string of saliva and cum stuck between you when you parted, breaking when you licked your lips. He giggled, gathering some from your chin onto his thumb and letting you kiss it from the pad of his finger.

He gave an wicked grin, "Now you're nasty too."

You rolled your eyes, pressing little kisses to a few of the scars on his chest. Eddie's heart melted as you nuzzled against the marks on his chest, resting your head there. You were quiet for a long time, just enjoying touch again.

"I love you so much." You cooed so softly. He could tell just from your voice that you were falling asleep. "I think you're so beautiful." 

He smiled, cradling your face. "I know you do, baby." He tapped his fingertip on your nose. "I'm sorry I forgot."

"I'm sorry I let you forget."

Your forehead creased with guilt but he tutted, rubbing the furrow from your brow with his thumb. "No no no...that's enough of that. I simply cannot allow you to look so sad after I've just fucked your brains out. It would ruin my reputation."

You fought a laugh, but lost out. "You're such an asshole. I was trying to be sweet."

He grinned, humming. "You're always sweet."

"Is that a problem?" You played with his curls, passively.

 "A huge problem, actually. Wish you'd knock me around a little. Put me in my place, you know? Call me your little slut?"

You smirked, "You'd cry like a baby."

He laughed, sighing. "Definitely." He rolled you over, tucking his head into the crook of your shoulder to press kisses along your jaw. "Can't help it though. I like being your pretty boy."

"Aw..." You teased, "Sweet little thing. You like being my pillow princess don't you?"

He hums a yes without processing the words, but quickly pulls back to look at you, frowning, "Hey!"

You broke into laughter as he pinched at your sides again, making you giggle and squirm.

You stayed in bed with him all day, only getting up to throw on some clothes frantically and open the door for the pizza delivery guy. You watched scary movies and laughed until you snorted and ate way too much.

And just like that, something in you started to heal. Something that had been painful and jagged.

It would take time to fix it completely. There would still be tears and nightmares, but you knew that soon enough it'd knit itself back together, leaving you with those same pink and silver lightning bolts over your heart that Eddie had.

Proof that both of you had lived through that terrible night. And you'd both healed.

***********

@eddielives1986

[angstama]

the most beautiful moment in life | 02 

pairing:  gojo satoru x f!reader

genre: angst, pining, slow-burn

warnings: none!

✧. in which gojo satoru was a by product of the most beautiful moment in your life.

a/n: hello guys! here's finally part 2 T^T i've been so busy this week and god this is the only thing keeping me sane from intern work. nonetheless, please stay tuned for part 3 ~ thank you for your kind support up till now! :^)

[1] | [2] | [3] | [4] | [5]

growing up often meant being forced to face the things that put you down even if it meant losing your slightest sanity. because that's just how it is, there are just some things in life that you simply don't have a choice in and life is taking the step to teach you that today.

sundays are your favourite because it's the only day that you got to fully have the day to yourself. as much as being around your friends brought you joy, you loved your time alone. it's the only time you got to process your thoughts without the constant interruption from every little thing that you friends do.

so when you felt a tingling itch on the sole of your feet while you're still deep in slumber and a series of soft giggles echoing through your ears, your eyes immediately shot open only to be greeted by the one and only gojo satoru squatting by the edge of your bed with a feather in his hand. "what the fuck?!" you screamed as you unintentionally sent a flying kick to his face out of pure shock, causing him to yelp in pain from your raw strength. " itai! itai! itai! (pain 痛い)" gojo held his left cheek for his dear life, instantly regretting for even thinking that this was an ingenious idea to wake you up despite knowing how strong you really can be. after all, you did boxing for sport so he should've foresaw it.

"toru!" you gasped as you frantically jumped out of your bed to check on the white haired boy, panic running through your veins, afraid that you had probably damaged him for good in your exaggerated mind. "i'm so sorry oh my god, are you okay?" you faked a sob, grabbing his face to see if the injury was fatal. gojo shook his head, "i'm not okay!" he dramatically sobbed back, his arms flying to embrace you into a hug as he continues to weep dry tears into you shoulders. you were sure if anyone had just walked past and saw this scene without any context, they'd think that the two of you are literally the weirdest duo ever.

no matter how stupid and ridiculous the two of you looked right now, you couldn't help but to be painfully well aware that currently gojo had you caged in his arms. if there were words to actually describe the act of losing coherent words in your mind, you'd definitely use it yet you don't know how you felt about it. "let me see," you pulled away from gojo. "you really need to stop physically abusing me y/n!" gojo frowns.

"huh? why don't you stop randomly appearing in my house! are you homeless?" you took a swing, smacking the back of his head, clearly feeling offended from his lighthearted accusation. gojo bursts out into fits of laughter, thankful that he had gotten irritated reaction he wanted out of you. he doesn't usually admit this, but he missed you entertaining his daily shenanigans.

this wasn't how you planned to spend your sunday morning. gojo satoru shouldn't even be part of the equation yet here is he in your room, throwing himself onto your bed as if it was his own and stretching comfortably against your duvet covers. "what are you here for satoru? i have things to do today." you crossed your arms, watching your best friend drawing little shapes in the air with his finger tips before glancing back at you. "i need your help." gojo sits up, "i need your help in choosing what i should wear for the date." he points to the two choices of top hanging at the back of your door. it was a simple black button up and a plain white tee with a beige short sleeved outerwear. if you were being honest, it honestly didn't look like choice that needed help with.

"you couldn't just ask suguru?" you pursed your lips, not exactly please that gojo had woken you up on your only free day but also woken you up just for the sake of helping pick an outfit for his date who just so happened to be, oh, your crush's love interest! isn't it just great? how do you mask this unpleasant feeling in your heart? how do you tell gojo that you frankly do not want to help him because you don't want the girl he's courting to fall for him either? how do you convey those selfish feelings of yours without ruining your friendship with him? who are you to stop him from going out with someone else anyways?

"nope. suguru banned me from his place." he proudly admitted without any hint of shame. you bit your lips in annoyance, "the black one." you muttered under your breath, gathering the black coloured clothing and dumping it on his face before walking away, leaving him dumfounded.

you genuinely want to support gojo, you really do. gojo had been nothing but an amazing friend to you, minus all the times he had pissed you off which was like ninety-eight percent of your friendship but that aside, gojo had always been by your side since the day you've walked in on him and geto secretly toasting marshmallows in the janitor's closet. and it sucks that you couldn't even wholeheartedly wish him well because of some stupid feelings you harboured for him.

"don't you even dare try to pick the opposite of my choice i swear," you warned him, waving him off as you made your way towards the bathroom to freshen yourself up from the heart wrenching morning you just had. "of course not! i always trust you!"

after the god awful morning that gojo had put you through, you could safely say that your day hasn't once gone smoothly. from the tossing and turning on your bed to falling over your bed while reaching for your mug on the nightstand which resulted in a small bump on your forehead, nothing was going your way today and you were livid.

"this is driving me crazy!" you groaned in frustration, kicking your duvet off and sitting up against your headboard. you were dying to find out how did the date go and curiosity was eating you alive. just then there was a soft knock on your door, "y/n? is everything okay?" your grandma's head peeked in carefully, concerned that her granddaughter seemed to be going under some sort of distress considering how you've been doing nothing but digging yourself into your bed and moaning about how much you hate gojo with all your heart.

your grandma was your only kin. taking over the role of being your sole guardian after the divorce of your parents when you were only just five. albeit you were still young back then, but you fully understood the reason behind your parent's failed marriage. the adults had chosen to tell you the truth through the simple words of "mummy and daddy fell out of love" and so you grew up accepting that sometimes there isn't a end game for everyone.

"my dear girl, is there something stressing you out?" she ruffles your hair, placing the plate of freshly baked cookies on your nightstand as she sits next to you. "satoru. satoru's stressing me out." you frowned.

"really? how so?" grandma hums tugging your hair behind your ear. "i think i like toru, grandma." you admitted truthfully, snuggling closer to the crook of her neck to rest your head on her shoulders that had always been there for you since you were little. there was something about saying your bubbling feelings for gojo out loud, as if someone taken the weight off your shoulders by simply listening to your teenage dilemma and truly, you thought you could cry right there and then.

"i know." she rests a hand above yours, "i saw the way you looked at him, it's the exactly same way i looked at your grandfather when i was your age." she chuckles softly when you stared at her with widened eyes. have you always been this obvious? had your feelings for gojo go way back? when had she started noticing your little crush on him anyways?

"well how i feel about him doesn't matter though, toru has feelings for someone else," you started tracing little patterns on your lap, suddenly feeling small at the mere comparison of yourself to utahime. how could you ever compete with someone as elegant as utahime iori? "does he?" she quipped, resting a hand under her chin as she glances over at you only nodded at her question, staring aimlessly at the yellow painted walls of your room.

"well that's new." she muses. you don't say anything, only humming a response as she finally gets up from your bed, "give it some time my dear girl. he'll come around." she winked at you, leaving you to your own thoughts once again when she exited from your room.

you never asked about that date.

you made it your very mission to not involve yourself in gojo's business with utahime even though a part of you killed to know what they've been doing considering how much they've been hanging out together.

you were aimlessly switching through television programmes when you heard a light knock on your door followed by a loud piercing bark. taken aback, you quickly got up to open the door only to be greeted by gojo with a furry white coated japanese spitz dog in his arms. "what's up my besto friendo!" he beams, casually inviting himself into your house and blatantly ignoring the confused reaction plastered on your face.

you shook your head, looking back at gojo who comfortably settled down on your couch. "are you gonna explain what's going on?" you gestured to the little puppy in his embrace, feigning an ignorance to not give in to the god awfully cute little creature. you love dogs. you often spoke about wanting one and dreamt of building a dog and cat family and to have one right before your eyes now only made you want one even more.

gojo clapped his hands, "well i was walking to your place cause ya know i'm bored," he starts to ramble, "and i saw this cute lil thing stuck in the drain so i just had to save him right? but i realised he has no collar and my heart told me that i can't just leave him behind so here am i." he smiled sheepishly at you, hoping that you had managed to grasp the hidden message behind his explanation.

your eyes widened when you do so, looking at him in disbelief. "you want me to take care of him?" you exclaimed loudly. gojo let out an awkward laugh, clearly he wasn't quite expecting you to react this way. "yes? i mean you're the perfect candidate! you love animals!" he threw his arms up, letting the creature go as it came running towards you.

you looked down at the little puppy who's excitedly licking your feet, your heart melting at just how adorable he looked and you were relieved that he's okay. it's a relief that gojo didn't choose to leave him behind god who knows how bad it would've ended up for the little pup? "c'mon we can take care of him together! i promise, you're not in this alone." gojo pouts.

was he suggesting co-parenting? what does he mean by taking care together? you couldn't help but to swell at the mere suggestion of it. for the most part, you couldn't even find it in yourself to deny such a request.

you let out a dejected sigh, bending down to gently pick up the white japanese spitz pup, "fine. but we're naming it hachi."

-present time-

"HACHI!" you heard ieiri's panicked voice echoed through the walls of your hotel room followed by a series of barking from your furry best friend. you quickly got up, grabbing ahold of the sides of your wedding gown and slipping off the crystal white heels, ready to respond to whatever happening's outside your hotel room.

just then, the door of your room barged opened and you see hachi running in and towards you. following close behind is a disheveled ieiri who's panting hardly, gasping for air when she finally sees hachi by your wedding gown. "oh dear lord, i am way too old for this." she pants, sliding down against the door frame.

you looked at your bridesmaid with concern, picking up your beloved pet dog and making your way towards ieiri. "gosh, what happened?" you chuckled, helping ieiri up.

"i don't know man. i brought him to check on the lovely groom am i right? and out of nowhere when we were out, he started barking loudly and running away." you passed her a bottle of water too which she gratefully takes, downing the water in an attempt to calm her racing heart.

physical training really isn't her thing. the fact that she ran, was surprising enough for you. you couldn't help but burst into laughter. "ah... you saw daddy didn't you? does he look dashing in his tux?" you cooed, nuzzling the tip of your nose into the hachi's fur as he barks at your warm affection. your heart warmed seeing hachi all cutely dressed up in his own little tux for the ceremony, making a mental note to thank your soon to be husband for even suggesting such an idea and you can't wait for the ceremony to begin.

saturday hangouts had never felt so suffocating around your friends.

falling for your best friend was already damning. witnessing the boy you like fall for someone else that isn't you was devastating. now, having the girl of his dreams sitting right in your own house as he makes his big announcement in front of your friends was something that you didn't know how to feel about.

"my fellow comrades this is it... i'm officially off the market!" gojo beamed at the three of you, linking his hands with utahime's who shyly waved at you. you offered her a small smile, shifting yourself to your left to make space for the newly bloomed couple. gojo doesn't hesitate to claim his rightful seat next to you, his hands ever so slightly brushing across yours that left a burning sensation on your skin, causing you to pull back instinctively.

"of all men, satoru really?" geto gawked in disbelief. utahime shyly looked away, lowering her gaze in a ladylike manner that only painfully enhances the elegance she had within her to you. you fully understood why gojo would fall for her. utahime was the celestial moon among the sea of stars, unreachable to many but loved and admired by everyone and anyone. she's the beauty that any pair of eyes would land on upon entering a room. and you were leagues away from her.

"what do you mean?" gojo scoffs, "i'm literally the finest fish in the sea." he snuggles closer against utahime's neck, shooting geto a smug look that screams 'at least i have a girlfriend what about you?'

"well congrats and all the best." ieiri salutes to utahime, genuinely wishing the lovebirds well because, well why not? that's what friends are for. to be there and support each other and ieiri never fails to prove to you that this is a good friend would do.

you on the other hand, haven't said a single word yet only basking in your own daze as you tried to process whatever gut wrenching feeling you were feeling from the sudden news and your friends aren't blind to your little zoned out moment.

"paging for y/n, over!" gojo childishly whips out an imaginary walkie talkie from the back of his pocket, leaning in towards you and glancing up at your blank state under your messy hair. you finally snapped out of your daze, your eyes immediately meeting gojo's who broke into a smile when your brows furrowed. "over." you rolled your eyes, playing along to mask the thundery storm reigning over your mind.

"are you not gonna say anything my dear friend?" you have nothing to say, or rather you didn't know how to genuinely congratulate your best friend. but how could you sit there and ignore his hopeful wish of hearing your best wishes for them when all he's looking at you with those hopeful crystal blue eyes that always reminded you of comfort? it's unfair how gojo had the easy access to your heart.

you cleared your throat, glancing over at utahime. the fact that you had no reason to hate her was much more frustrating. she's perfect. "congrats." you gave a half hearted smile, one that you knew your friends would accept alongside with the little white lie you just made. "i'm happy for you."

song playing: tv in black and white - lana del rey

gojo knows the way to your heart even though he isn't yours. he always does just enough to keep your platonic friendship alive. and this is precisely why you've learnt to accept his relationship with utahime. you've learnt to draw lines with gojo and you too, do just enough to keep him around.

being friends with gojo satoru is never boring. he brings colours of orange and gold everywhere he goes and life always seemed to be exciting whenever with him. the only downside of being friends and in love with gojo is that, he's never intentionally taking your breath away and breaking your heart the next moment. everything is always unintentional when it comes to you because gojo would never hurt you.

"y/n dear! satoru's here for you!" grandma called out sweetly to which you immediately dropped your pen on your desk, head shooting up and looking out of the window only to be greeted by the one and only gojo satoru waving to you excitedly next to a sleek red ford mustang. your brows furrowed upon the unexpected sight. you knew that gojo had been taking up driving lessons but it never occured to you that you'd ever see him drive a real car considering how he's always leaching off you especially whenever he comes over to your place, let alone driving a ford mustang.

he gestures for you to come out and meet him. "bring hachi along too!" he mouths. you quickly grabbed the grey cardigan hanging by the edge of your bed, throwing it on before squatting down to carry hachi in your arms. "come here boy, daddy's here to see you!" you ruffled his snow white fur, carrying him down to meet the one and only gojo satoru.

gojo's lips curled into a bright smile when he sees the two of you, extending his arms when you let hachi down to run into his embrace. "oh my you grew bigger again!" gojo cooed, nuzzling his nose. "what're you doing here for?" you asked. gojo gently lifts hachi, "to show you this!" he excitedly points to the red vehicle parked behind him. " i thought you might wanna be my first passenger in this baby!"

and there he goes again, making the butterflies in your stomach flutter at his innocent offer. an offer that didn't mean half as much to him as it was to you and you couldn't help but to feel bitter at the mere thought of it.

"this is yours?" you raised a brow, going closer to the car to take a better look at the velvet red coloured vehicle. "of course!" you heard him proudly boast as you lightly dragged your finger tips across the side of his car. "c'mon let's go for a spin."

magical was the word that came into your mind when gojo drove down the quiet streets of tokyo. gojo winds down the window, the cool windy air immediately gushing in and kissing your warm skin. you broke into a genuine smile when you slowly leaned your head out of the window, feeling the breeze that greeted you excitedly. it was as if nothing else ever mattered. your feelings for gojo, the creeping fear of being left behind by your friends as you grow older, the false denial that you're okay every time you see gojo and utahime being lovely together. it didn't matter in this moment for you felt so free. being a youth doesn't seem too bothersome now.

gojo brings you to the beach where you're greeted by the dozens of shining stars dazzling in the pitch black sky. the two of you sat in comfortable silence with hachi lying on your lap. the night is calm and you secretly wish that tonight never ends.

it's truly been awhile since you and gojo had spent any quality time together with just the two of you and you'd be lying if you said you hadn't missed this greatly. "thanks for this toru, this is really nice." you said meekly, voice almost inaudible but gojo could hear you just fine. he could because gojo always listens. he always listens to you.

"you're most welcome. i'm happy that you're my first passenger." gojo lets out a breathy chuckle, gently nudging your arm. you hummed a response, eyes resting on the sight of the sleeping ships on the sea. somehow, gojo was thankful that you didn't push him aside tonight. maybe whatever you've done so far hasn't raised any suspicions among your own group of friends but god, gojo felt the widening distance between the two of you and he hates it. he may have gained a new partner in love but it doesn't feel right when his usual partner in crimes was slowly disappearing on him.

"why me?" you suddenly questioned. yeah why you? "i don't know, you're the first person that came to my mind when i got this car." he shrugged, not knowing that an answer as simple as that had just set fire to your heart and damn you can't contain this anymore. "you can't just say things like that toru." you whispered softly under your breath, hands resting on hachi's warm body as you fight the urge to spill the very secret you've been hiding from your best friend.

you finally turned to look at gojo who's gazing softly right back at you, causing your heart to skip a beat. "why not?" he pries. and perhaps maybe this was the last straw because in this moment, your heart had decided that hiding isn't the way to go anymore. "because i like you toru." gojo froze. "and i respect your relationship with utahime as well as our friendship too much to ruin anything but with you constantly saying things like these only makes it harder for me to move on." you let out a suppressed sigh. this is it. your friendship had officially been broken by you.

there was a moment of silence, only the soothing sound of the waves crashing against the shore easing the shift of tensing atmosphere between the two of you but you didn't care. you were dying to hear what gojo has to say.

"do you really like me?" gojo asks quietly, his gaze never leaving your you as your head shot up at his oddly dumb question. as if you haven't just poured your heart out to him. "huh?" you looked at him confusedly. but gojo doesn't flinch, only staring at you blankly with those diamond blue eyes.

"do you really like me or do you like the idea of me?"

// to be continued

taglist: @fonkymonkeyfriday @brumous11 @minnieminnie00-got7 @evalynanne @obeythemasters @dlb113

[multifandomwhore-003]

I wanna escape to her too

Pairing: College! TASM! Peter Parker x female! reader

Summary: She still cares, maybe a little more than she should. He can't live without her, would they repair things if they could?

Genre(s): Angst, a little fluffy.

Warnings: Mentions of Gwen dying bc that deserves its own warning, slight mentions of r*pe, k*dnapping, and k*lling.

ᴳⁱᶠ ᶜʳᵉᵈⁱᵗˢ ᵗᵒ ʷʰᵒᵐ ⁱᵗ ᵇᵉˡᵒⁿᵍˢ

𝙼𝚊𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚕𝚒𝚜𝚝 𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚜 𝚏𝚒𝚌 𝚊𝚙𝚙𝚎𝚊𝚛𝚜 𝚘𝚗

REQUESTS OPEN, REQUEST HERE

THIS IS NOT FREE USE, YOU CANNOT USE MY WORK

Reblog if you like

The only thing alive in the apartment was the succulent on the counter that sooner rather than later would die like the rest of the living beings had since she left, sure, Peter and Hypnos were breathing, but what is life without the feeling of actually wanting to live it?

The boy woke up to his now big yet childish pitbull scratching the bedroom door as his life depended on it, just when he hit the record of three hours of sleep, he huffed getting out of bed to comfort his son who wouldn't stop crying.

"Hypnos, come on, you're gonna wake up the neighbors," he carried him to bed holding him tightly attempting to calm the angst. The pup silenced his lament, but when he made eye contact with Peter, he felt sorry for him, humans are the only animals who tear up in response to their emotions and he knew that if only Hypnos could, he would've flooded the entire state of New York already.

"I know buddy, I miss her too," inevitably his voice cracked, and he cried like he'd been doing every night for the last few months or so.

He started to stutter the beginning of sentences that never reached an end. He wanted to talk, he wanted to talk to his dog, he wanted to talk to a friend, he wanted to talk to anyone, for god he wanted to formulate coherent phrases, he wished to speak his mind to make sense of his emotions, to understand them, to see what he was feeling and then try and figure out how to overcome it, but nothing came out, his big fat smartass brain for the first time in his life it was empty, blank, just painful nothingness, like the wall that was usually covered with red tape that connected dots and pictures but was now blindly plain white.

He lifted the blankets for the second time that day now being 7:00 am, the shower disguised the salty liquid his eyes produced, the toothpaste sweetened for a couple of minutes his natural sourness, opposite to the coffee that matched it, he lazily struggled to get out without having to run and outsmart Hypnos so he would stay within the four walls he was so miserable in.

He felt school like a mayor blackout where his soul couldn't quite meet the actions of his body, he was just working on autopilot, like a machine, heartless. Vigilante time wasn't so hard, at least he could blow some steam off in the name of being a hero, his rage never blinded him, but it was always present with a utopic wonder if he would ever live the life he deserved, rather than this messy, secretive and losing one. Every time Spiderman won the people's hearts, Peter Parker's sunk more into a pathetic loop of time that wasn't worthy of calling a life.

He was never really religious, but his words felt like a prayer when he ended a fight pleading it would be the last one, but then again, he had a responsibility. We all know the line, why say it anymore if he keeps it as a reminder every time the idea of quitting crept into his mind.

He successfully caught the dotted canine in his arms when returning home, seeing his unfair eye color, one electric blue, one brown. He turned to the food bowl, empty, once again, it had been the 4th time in a row now where the dog skipped meals, he understood, he had lost his appetite too. He looked at the deep wounds and the flaked paint of the wood, he sighed kneeling down to pet his companion.

"I'm sorry, but your mom's building isn't pet-friendly and we really aren't on speaking terms," It was pointless to explain, but maybe after repeating it so many times, he'd eventually understand, "I get it," he sniffed, "I wanna escape to her too,"

Destiny finally batted an eye at one more unfortunate soul and gave him a chance out of his misery. He got sick, the flu more specifically, and I really hate to be that person, but I believe every sentiment you have projects its self into your body to tell you perhaps something in your life isn't pleasing your subconscious, and this particular illness is related to sadness.

"Peter?" You were shocked to say the least, so much so that you almost crashed when seeing the contact number.

Hearing your voice broke him more than any time he's ever thought he was at his worst, "Yeah, I'm sorry to bother you is just-" he sneezed, "Um-"

"You're sick aren't you?"

"A little bit, yeah,"

"I saw that Spiderman fought in the rain a few days ago, and-" you bit your lip nervously, "I was actually gonna go check on you, just to make sure you were okay," you whispered, "I'm driving to our- your place right now,"

"Oh," the word came out with more energy than he expected.

"Did you sense that in some way, is that why you called me?" It was a valid question, sometimes your boyfriend's, wait no, ex-boyfriend's powers caught you by surprise no matter how much you claimed to know them.

"No, not really, I mean maybe-" and sometimes they surprised him too, the timing seemed too good to be a mere coincidence, "I called you because I was wondering if you could help me walk Hypnos today, I've been busy with y'know- stuff and I haven't had the time to do it,"

"Oh my god, how is he? I haven't seen him in what? Half a year?"

"Yeah, six months..." Peter saw the pup peacefully sleeping beside him, "He's-" he was too weak to lie, "He's not great, at all, he really misses you," and so do I, he thought.

Silence, a complete unsettling calm from the other end of the line.

"Y/N?"

"Yeah, I've missed him too," You gulped stopping the vehicle, "I'm here, see you in a bit, okay?"

"Ok,"

You hung up taking a deep breath while resting the back of your head on the cushion of your car, and as much as you wanted to, it was already too late to regret it. Not even the cheesy elevator music cheered you up, you were supposed to be happy to see the man you never stopped being in love with no matter how bad things ended. You were always aware of Spiderman's doings, every article, every second he was on the news, every word of admiration that came out of your fellow classmates, that was as close as you could get to him.

You turned the handle while scrunching your nose to deal with the deafening whimpers from the other side, somehow you managed not to fall with how strongly Hypnos jumped to receive you, shaking his tail and now whining out of pure unfiltered joy. 

You hugged him and caressed his head receiving many licks from his part, "Hey baby, how you've been?" the squeaky voice you always talked to him in echoed across every inch of concrete. You then stood up realizing how empty everything was, what began as a place where you thought nothing would fit, ended up being where everything was missing. You remembered struggling to organize both your stuff in the cheapest apartment you could find in the city no matter how much you insisted your family could help to get a better one, in a weird way it felt wider than before you moved in, colder, somberer.

You froze as the memories began to pile up one after the other when seeing him walk out of the room. All the time you had spent convincing yourself you were ready to see him quickly burned away and turned into nothing but ashes, and now everything you swore to be meaningless blossomed again through every bit of your skin, every beat of your heart, every butterfly in your stomach, every tingle on your nerves, every loss of words in your brain, every shake in your movements. Too much to handle, too overwhelming to control, you'd never felt a bomb with such high magnitude, a bomb that was capable of destruction and despair, but at the same time able to revive everything at its reach.

And all that melancholy and sorrow was now whisked in a more layered and complicated cocktail whose main flavors were nostalgia and regret.

"Hi," he shyly spoke first keeping a safe distance.

"Hey,"

Flashback

"You wanted me to help you!" You slammed the door.

"By studying my opponent, not going after him yourself!" He spat.

"Oh for fuck's sake Peter, can't you just say 'Thank you' and move on?!"

"Move on?! Y/N, he almost killed you!"

"But he didn't thanks to you, I'm fine, it's no big deal!"

"And what would've happened if I wasn't there?!"

"I would've saved myself, I'm not as stupid as you think I am!"

"I don't think you're stupid!"

"Then why don't you trust me?!"

"It's not about trust! It's about safety!"

"Right, because the only time I'm in danger is when I'm fighting someone with extraordinary abilities! What about when I'm not, huh?! Do you ever stop to think about the fact that I'm a young woman in New York?! I walk out of that door every day with the idea that I have to take care of myself because I could get raped, kidnapped, or killed just by the fact that I'm me, and guess what Parker? I've survived all these years without you, I didn't need you to save me then and I definitely don't need you to save me now. As sad as it sounds, the last thing I'm afraid of is a quick death," 

"Well unfortunately for you that's exactly what I'm afraid of! I can't lose you!"

"You can't save everyone all the time Peter, that includes the people that you care about, I thought you'd already learned that,"

"But I don't just care about you! I love you! Can't you  fucking understand that?! " he grabbed your shoulders, his eyes began to water when he let you off gently, "I- I- I'm- I'm not doing this, I'm not going through this again,"

"What part is it exactly that you can't repeat? The emotional dependency or the unacceptance of loss? Because either way, I'm not planning to just sit still so my poor little boyfriend doesn't get worried,"

He clenched his jaw, "Then you shouldn't have one at all,"

You chuckled, "I guess not," you grabbed your keys, "I'd tell you to call me when you grow up but we both know I'm not gonna waste my entire life waiting," a tear slipped your eyelid, "Can I ask you something, just out of curiosity," you pointed the metal at him.

"What?" He mumbled weakly.

"When have I ever scolded you for the countless times I've cried myself to sleep because you were this close to dying?" Your fingers almost touched.

Peter was taken back by your words, "Never,"

You nodded slowly, "How about you call me when you stop being a fucking hypocrite?"

End of Flashback.

"I uh-" you cleared your throat, "I brought you some chicken soup my mom made," you walked to the pantry avoiding his gaze.

"It's like I'm not even here," he pointed at Hypnos who followed your every move.

You grinned serving the meal, "You know he's always been a mama's boy,"

"Oh trust me, he's left it very clear," he exaggerated.

"Here you go," you handed him the bowl, realizing just now he had a big bandage wrapping almost the entirety of his stomach, "Peter, go back to bed, you should be resting, come on," you both walked back to a what should be more meaningless, but it wasn't. How could it? It was still where you made love, where you woke up wrapped in each other's arms, where you ranted for hours on end about a longer future than school, where you first thought of getting a dog, where you would randomly spark a way for Spiderman to take down a certain opponent, where you laughed at his very cheesy and god awful puns, where you taught him to stitch and clean his wounds, where you read at nights to calm his mind after a fight, where it was just you and him, against the cold, the hot, the silence, the noise, just you and him, against the world.

You almost felt pathetic at how bricks and stones could have so much power over you, pushing you further into what started as a puddle and was now an ocean.

Both of you stayed on opposite sides of the room struggling to figure out how you were gonna break the ice before it got thicker, but all those shower thoughts and practices of what you would say the next time you saw each other snapped out of your minds as soon as you wanted to remember them.

"Your mom didn't make this," he blurted out.

"What?" you shook your head getting back to reality.

"The soup, your mom never makes it without cilantro,"

"Oh, yeah, um, she forgot,"

Peter quickly smiled, a gesture that only you were able to provoke.

"What?" You knew him, you knew him so well you knew he was thinking about something but not just anything, he was thinking about something along the lines of 'You're wrong'.

"Nothing, it's just- Never mind,"

You rolled your eyes, "Just say it already,"

"You're lying,"

"I- what? No,"

"I know you made this Y/N, I've known the exact taste of your chicken soup for almost two years,"

"And your point is..."

"Well, I'm just confused, why would you lie about that?"

"Because I don't know how much I'm supposed to show you that I care, coming here is enough as it is and if you know that I made this specifically for you it might send a message that you don't what to receive,"

"Like what?"

"Like I want to get to get back together for starters?"

"Do you?"

You scratched your neck, "I don't- I don't know," you crossed your arms, "You know what? I'm gonna leave, I came to make sure that you're okay and since you are I gotta get back to... plans I had for today,"

"You're lying again, you always trail off or doubt everything you say when you lie, when you don't, you're so sure of what you're saying you could make anyone cry themselves to sleep by just the look on your face of knowing every single word that comes out of your mind is right. Meaning that not only do you don't have plans for today, you also know whether you wanna get back together or not,"

You scoffed, "You truly put the ass in smartass, Parker,"

"Thank you,"

"It wasn't a compliment," you rubbed you face, "I- I hate you,"

"That's too paused to be true,"

"Well, how about you're a jerk?" You spat.

"See? You are capable of not lying,"

"Fuck you,"

"You already did,"

And before the bickering continued your face flushed at the assimilation, you sighed, "What are we doing? We can't- well I guess we can because we already did but this is not what we're supposed to be doing,"

"Then what should we be doing?"

"I don't know, I guess I shouldn't be here in the first place," you played with the end of your shirt.

"Yet you are,"

"I'm very aware Parker, thank you," You sat beside him, "So what now?"

"I don't know," he looked down, "But I've missed you and I'm sorry,"

"I'm sorry too," you admitted.

"You shouldn't be, you were right,"

"I mean yeah, I'm always right, but I should've known better than to put myself in danger like that, and I know how much you struggled with losing Gwen which is why I didn't tell you I was going in the first place because I didn't wanna worry you, and you still showed up, and you got reasonably scared," you explained.

"Whatever PTSD I get from that is not your fault, and I did get scared, terrified even, but the one time you risk your life isn't nearly as bad as how many times I've done it, and I was really fucking selfish not to notice how much that hurt you," he smoothly grabbed your hand locking your fingers with his.

And there was a spark of magic that was caused by that simple yet critical motion, a spark of magic you were so afraid of feeling you almost yanked your hand out of his grasp, but in the end, it was familiar, comforting, safe. He didn't think about it twice before kissing the back of what he was so lovingly holding onto, his jagged skin contrasting yours that was soft.

"I love you," you let out slightly hypnotized by the withdrawal of everything.

"I love you more,"

[sargeant-bxrnes]

stay, stay, stay [jj maybank]

summary: based on ‘stay, stay, stay’ by taylor swift.

warnings: mentions of intoxication, mentions of domestic violence, angst, fluff & complicated relationships.

word count: 2.3 K

click for my masterlist

I'm pretty sure we almost broke up last night

I threw my phone across the room at you

I was expecting some dramatic turn away

But you stayed

With JJ nothing ever was too serious, or worthy worrying about. Whether it was a bruised up face, hourly disappearances or bad trips. Everything would always be alright.

But that night it wasn't. What started as a simple banter, turned into a whole fight, it was easy to blame it all on the weed or the beers you two had consumed, but that was only half to blame.

All the way from the party to the empty Chateau, you two had been arguing, yelling at each other without holding back.

What the fight was originally about had been long forgotten now; more harsher words were being said and unresolved issues were being brought up, only to get no resolution as in your high minds, not a single coherent thought crossed.

Without thinking twice, seeing red and blinded by anger because of something he'd said, you threw your phone across the room, JJ reacted just in time to duck, as it crashed against the wall behind him.

That made both of you stop.

An overwhelming wave of guilt invaded you at the realisation of what you'd done, and JJ was frozen in his place; staring at you in utter silence.

You'd thrown your phone. At JJ. Your boyfriend and the person you promised you'd always love and take care of, the person you've been supporting through all this time, especially when his father's unjustified wrath fell on him.

And here you were, throwing stuff at him. It hadn't been on purpose, you had been completely blinded by rage but, then again, that didn't excuse what you'd done. And you felt like the worst person on earth.

"JJ, I'm-" you'd barely begun your apology before he interrupted you, raising both of his hands.

"I think we should..." he started and trailed off for a couple of seconds as he ran a hand through his blonde locks. Every single one of the multiple outcomes that sentence could have terrified you.

A breakup felt imminent.

"What?" your voice was timid and seemed as feeble as glass, JJ's eyes were focused on you, and it didn't take long for him to notice you were about to crack.

"I think we should both cool off, alright? We've had a long night and, honestly, I think the new weed my cuz sold us was stronger than the other one."

You nodded your head, wiping away the tears of guilt that threatened to fall down your cheeks, even after what you'd done, JJ was being nice to you, decent and caring; putting what you two could lose in front of his own needs.

JJ slowly made his way into the chateau, running a hand through his hair while looked down, his steps slow as he dragged his feet through the wooden floor.

You wanted nothing but to approach him and hug him, tell him you were so fucking sorry for what you'd done, but you knew JJ was right. What both of you needed was to relax, to cool down and talk about it later.

"I'm sorry," your words escaped your lips, and JJ stopped in his tracks, turning around to look at you.

JJ nodded his head at you, his expression more relaxed now but still not being his giddy self. The discussion had clearly taken a toll on him, on both.

Without a word, he turned around and kept walking. You closed your eyes for a few seconds, trying to make up your mind before doing something lame.

But fuck it.

You followed him inside the house, feeling guilty for following him around even though he wanted to be alone, he was making his way to a free room, not the one you two shared, but even after that, you couldn't help yourself from reminding what you still felt, no matter what.

"I love you." your voice was soft, it was a miracle he'd heard it, but he had.

"Love ya' too." he assured you, his eyes fixed on you before he closed the door behind himself.

He needed some time to relax, and so did you.

*

This morning I said we should talk about it

'Cause I read you should never leave a fight unresolved

That's when you came in wearing a football helmet

And said, "Okay, let's talk"

The next morning, you'd woke up to John B, Kie and Pope having breakfast, but there had been no sign of JJ, apparently he'd left earlier in the morning, taking some of his stuff along with him.

Worried about what that meant for both, and worried about his safety, you had sent a text to JJ, asking him how he'd woke up and where was he, he'd replied almost immediately saying he was alright.

He was as sweet as ever, and a pang of guilt hit you like a train, you still felt bad for the previous night, which is why you asked him to meet you at your special spot, just to talk things out.

You could imagine a thousand different versions of JJ arriving at the little spot you two had called your 'rendezvous spot'. He could've arrived with beers to drink the problem down, more joints in his pocket, or a box with your stuff to drop it there once and for all.

But you never imagined JJ arriving in his bike, wearing a football helmet you knew didn't belong to him.

"What's with that?"

"You know," he shrugged as he took some steps closer, with his hands in his pockets. "in case you try to break any other Tom Brady records."

You didn't know if you could, or should've laughed at his comment or not, but eventually he was the one who giggled as he took the helmet off.

"Kidding baby, I'm just gonna pawn it, but first..." he threw it to the ground. "let's talk."

*

And I said

Stay, stay, stay

The beginning hadn't been easy, but eventually JJ and you were able to sustain a serious conversation.

"I'm so sorry," you admitted, looking down at your own hands just so he wouldn't have to see your teary eyes. "I never-you know- I never wanted to- fuck I'm so sorry."

"It's okay," JJ assured you, taking a step closer and wrapping his arms around you, placing a kiss on top of your head. "I know you didn't mean it baby, it's okay."

"I'm so sorry," you kept repeating yourself, your words muffled by the material of his shirt. "I never should've done that, I was so fucking insensitive-"

"It's okay,"

"-I'd never wanted to hurt you," you continued, now fully crying and feeling like a piece of shit. "And I don't want you to feel like- like-"

You couldn't even put your thoughts to words. You felt so terrible that nothing other than tears seemed to be enough to express it. JJ suffered enough with his father's violent attitude, the last thing you wanted was for him to feel at risk with you too.

"Please, stay." you pleaded, it seemed senseless, or so JJ thought as he never planned on leaving; not now or ever. He wasn't mad at you. "I'm so sorry, but please don't leave, stay. Stay."

"Why would I leave?" he questioned you, pressing you closer to your body. "We're alright, darling, it was just a little bit rocky, nothin' to worry about."

"But I-"

"-and yeah I mean, you kinda went batshit crazy last night but, we all have bad days don't we?" he shrugged, trying to cheer you up by tickling your side. "But that's part of livin', having bad days like yesterday, screaming at each other like a couple of crazy people; and good days, when we go fishing or spend our day dancin', laughin' and fucking."

You wanted to cry again, you felt blessed to have JJ at your side. He was such an amazing human being despite everything he's gone through, and you admire him for it.

He's so selfless, willing to do anything for those he loves, he's caring and loving, doing everything within his reach and beyond to make sure you always feel loved, even through your hard moments.

*

I've been loving you for quite some time, time, time

You think that it's funny when I'm mad, mad, mad

But I think that it's best if we both stay

"Not gonna lie, it was kinda funny," JJ admitted with a shrug, so you looked up at him with furrowed brows.

"What was?"

JJ shrugged again. "The whole thing."

"JJ..."

"Like your phone really went 'pew!'" JJ said, imitating the trajectory of the phone with his hand. "How is it not broken? I don't know. It isn't a Nokia."

It was hard to know if it was a harmless joke or JJ's way of coping with what you'd done, so you felt bad all over again. A light chuckle escaped you, while you looked down at your hands, trying to avoid JJ noticing the guilt in your eyes.

"Oh no, no, it was a joke," JJ hurried to say, noticing that you'd gotten sad again.

JJ knew you hadn't meant it, both of you were high as a kite and the argument over stupid things had clearly gotten out of hand, like your phone. It wasn't a big deal, JJ knew you loved him with every beat of your heart and that you’d never hurt him. Just as he’d never forgive himself if he ever harmed you.

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay..." JJ mumbled, messing up your hair. "Besides, you may not remember but I do. You said something along the lines of me 'being dumb as a bike', what does that even mean?"

Had you really said that? You snorted but ended up giggling, JJ following you quickly. The comment made no sense, and it was likely you'd said it in an outburst of anger; either that or JJ heard wrong.

"I have no clue." you admitted.

"See? You're funny when you're mad." JJ pointed out. "And hot."

*

Before you, I'd only dated self indulgent takers

Who took all of their problem out on me

But you carry my groceries and now I'm always laughing

And I love you, because you have given me no choice but to

Love is a complex thing, with many, many layers. There's so many ways to love, that those that aren't, often get mistaken as one.

Before JJ, all your boyfriends had been utter jerks. Whether it was an unfortunate coincidence or just the type of guys you attracted, you didn't know. But they all fell into the same category, in one way or another.

You'd gotten used to that kind of love, in which your boyfriends were allowed to have bad days and take it out on you, but the second you felt bad, you had to hide it to not bother them. It's something you did, like a reflex.

You hated appearing vulnerable to them, which always led them to believe you were the perfect and most supportive girlfriend, even if you were crumbling from within without them noticing it.

So when JJ arrived at your life to show you his way of loving, it took some time getting used to. At the beginning you wondered if he expected something in return for every single nice thing he did for you, when in reality, JJ was more than happy with your love in return.

He was so genuine and with no ulterior intentions, his love was selfless and honest, passionate and wild.

JJ is the type of boyfriend who carries the groceries for you. The type of boyfriend who drives all the way to your house to cuddle you at 3 AM if you can't sleep. The type of boyfriend who tries to cook a soup when you're sick, and ends up getting the next thing to a radioactive substance.

JJ is the type of boyfriend who'll do anything in this world, and the next, to make sure you're happy; for he could spend the rest of his life hearing your laugh.

*

You took the time to memorize me

My fears, my hopes and dreams

I just like hanging out with you

All the time

All those times that you didn't leave

JJ may have a hard time staying still, or quiet, but in no way is that an impediment for him to admire you, or listen to you.

If asked, he’d act dumb, but the truth is that JJ remembers everything you say.

He remembers when you told him your fears while drunk, you talked about them as if they were senseless and ridiculous, but JJ never forgot about them and vowed to himself he’d protect you forever.

When you talked about your future, you always did it with ‘when,’ always holding out hope for things to change, and JJ admired that; how you never lost hope, no matter how difficult the situation.

Whenever you talked about your future plans, JJ was always included, and it warmed his heart profoundly. Knowing that he was in your plans brought him comfort.

Before he met you, everyone around him seemed… temporary, like they would leave him eventually, for one reason or the other.

But you seemed determined to stay.

And so would he.

*

It's been occurring to me

I'd like to hang out with you

For my whole life

You knew that with JJ there were only two ways to go down the path.

Either, he would be your worst breakup ever. One you'd never recover from because you knew you'd never find someone like him.

Or, he would be the man you would marry and raise a family with, spending the rest of your chaotic lives together. The love of your life.

And honestly, you expected it to be the latter.

[marcspectrr]

I've been scrolling and reading through your blog love your pov on Layla and Marc and I wanted to add a headcanon of mine if that's okay .

Both Marc and Layla worked with each other , she did tell him that she loves them but he didn't say it back because he's to scared and Layla was understanding and didn't want to pressure him into saying it because deep down she knows he does .

In on of there adventures something went wrong and someone shot Layla while they were running away it was a minor injury just a surface scratch and when they were safe Marc realize the injury meanwhile with the rush of anxiety and adrenaline and fear of losing her he just breaks .

Sobbing into her chest holding her by the waist just crying, meanwhile Layla is shocked and trying to reassure him she's fine but he just shakes and cry and hold her even tighter which is new to Layla because Marc is always this cold confident man and he wasn't a hugger or had so much physical touch, so she tries to hold his black locks soothing him while he mutters how terrified he felt when he thought he was about to lose her and perhaps even tell her how much he loved her afraid of losing her before telling her how mich he did love her and adore her.

Sorry this turned out longer than I thought

Oh firstly, thanks🥰 sometimes I feel like I'm just word vomiting into my screen so I'm glad it comes across semi coherent haha and PLEASE don't apologize, you just happened to touch on the very thing that occupies my mind constantly so I actually apologize for the length lol

That moment where Marc's walls crack for Layla is such a mystery, right? Bc Marc is vigilant, cautious, so utterly guarded and closed off from both conscious and unconscious methods of self-preservation. Even if he hates himself, even if he's internalized all the words and touches that decayed his worth and value, and even if he's not always okay with the fact that he's still breathing, he still has these emotional/psychological safeguards put up.

And that's also a big part of the significance of when he becomes vulnerable with Layla. Bc as much as he might want that connection, as much as he's somehow started to build this attachment he never thought he'd have, it's not this easily achievable thing for him.

On a more literal note...

If the body endures enough trauma and neglect, the mind literally adapts by learning to shut off the midline structures of the brain, parts that deal with sensory experiences. Essentially, in an effort to cope with said trauma, areas of the brain responsible for transmitting feelings that form a foundation for self-awareness, what makes us feel alive, literally turn off.

Marc may not have any physcial scars left on the outside from his abuse due to Khonshu, but his brain is literally wired differently. Not only bc of his disorder, but bc of his minds capacity for preservation. For survival. It's both amazing and heartbreaking, really.

On a behavioral note...

Our bodies and our minds learn to regulate our feelings and respond to distress in different ways. For some, reaching out to trusted loved ones becomes what's associated with comfort. For others who've never had a secure person to turn to, they seek out whatever else means comfort in their eyes. Obviously for Marc, isolation equated to being safe. There was this relief in being alone bc being alone meant existing out of reach of what was hurting him.

But the problem with this is that the thing that once brought Marc relief became this perpetual source of loneliness. What meant not getting hurt turned into what makes his life solitary, unfulfilling and ironically full of pain.

So he has all of these literal and emotional scars telling him no, to stay away, to not get attached, to do anything but get attached. But then...

But then Layla tells him she loves him. And she shows she loves him. And, scariest yet, she makes him feel loved. So much, it's almost tangible. And somehow she knows the weight of that for him, so she's not mad when he doesn't say it back. She's not mad at all. She knows.

The shot is just a graze, a surface wound. Marc's seen plenty, hell, he's had plenty. There's still blood, though. This person who's never touched him wrong, who's never misplaced her tone, always, always, given him this place away from that desolate, lonely, seemingly inevitable isolation he knew so well, and there's blood. Contaminating her. This person is hurt. Shot.

And when Marc breaks, he breaks.

He's never clung to someone else so closely, so intimately, so desperately. It hurts so much that for a moment he's sure he's lost her. Bc that's what loss felt like. 

Only it wasn't the loss he thought.

That mask, hiding his heart and blocking his face from the world and using the name 'protection', suddenly it's forgotten. Fallen away and still within reach but for a moment or two just lost.