#i'm still trying to cope with it all ya feel

[steddiewithachance]

I'm Here on Business

Wayne is a regular at the bookstore Steve works at and badgers Steve into going on a blind date with his kid.

For @extocancer Happy New Years!!! I hope you enjoy your presents ◡̈

***

It's a quiet night in the little bookstore on the corner of Brinks and Williams. Steve is sitting behind the check-out counter flicking the leaf of a potted pothos placed next to the register. Soft music plays from the radio behind him.

Steve likes taking the evening shifts at the shop just to see the place warmly lit up by all of the eclectic and ornate lamps that Amber, the owner, has collected. The store doesn't give him migraines from obnoxious fluorescent light, which has been an issue at previous jobs.

Ever since Robin moved out of their apartment for Grad school, it's been upsetting to be at home alone at night. Without her company, the couch feels longer. And without her unhinged apartment decor, the walls feel taller and colder. Consequently, Steve has taken on more work hours instead of being home.

Plus, he has kind of fallen in love with reading. It came as a shock to him that he could enjoy it as much as he does. It started when his all-female team of coworkers began ranting to each other about these romance novels they were all into. He felt a little left out and decided to give one of them a try. It turns out that reading was actually a really great coping mechanism for dealing with his temporary loss of Robin.

The nicest, and most surprising thing to come out of this job though, is probably Wayne. A one-time customer turned regular, turned tentative friend for Steve. He's got a caring, parental energy that Steve's own parents never had.

The guy looks like he'd have a gruff or standoffish personality. His face naturally rests in a frown and he's got receding grey hair. He wears a flannel every day without fail; he's got a million different colors of them and Steve has even made a game of predicting which one he'll be wearing when he comes in.

"Did ya guess right today, boy?" Wayne will ask.

"No," Steve often admits glumly. "The universe told me you'd be wearing your green and blue one."

So anyway, Wayne comes around a lot to make small talk. He often mentions how he misses his son, Eddie. He's so stiff with personal information about his kid, but one time he let it slip that Eddie was on tour with his band. Steve had a field day afterward colluding with Google to find out exactly who Wayne's son was.

Eddie Munson, lead singer and guitarist of rock group Corroded Coffin.

Steve hadn't heard of ‘em but they certainly have a following. He listened to some of their stuff, to give himself some context for the next time Wayne brought up Eddie's music. It was nice enough, the guy has a good voice.

Steve's been waiting for Wayne to come in tonight. He's later than usual and it would be ridiculous for Steve to worry about a man who probably just thinks of Steve as that one kid who works at the bookstore. He may not come in at all tonight, and that would be fine too. Steve's still holding out on him pulling up in his... yellow flannel.

Steve's about to cave and start the next book in the current series he's reading when the door jingles. Wayne pushes inside in his mother fucking yellow flannel.

"Yellow Flannel!" Steve exclaims. Wayne chuckles and drops a book on the counter followed by a receipt.

"You got me right today?" Wayne asks fondly.

"Yup. It's been a while. I was aching for a win." Steve starts returning Wayne's book for him without giving him slack this time. Wayne treats the store like a library and Steve doesn't have the heart to tell him it's not allowed.

"Was this book any good?" Steve throws Wayne's receipt back at him and starts moving around the counter to put it back on the shelf for some other historical fiction lover to purchase.

"It was just alright." Wayne follows behind him languidly, eyeing the rows of colorful book spines for something that catches his eye. "But actually I'm here on business tonight."

Steve leans on the shelf and waits impatiently for Wayne to tell him what sort of business he's on.

"I think you ought to go on a date with Eddie. I think you two'd compliment each other."

Well, that's... not what Steve was expecting to hear.

"That's business to you? You came here to set me up on a blind date with your famous kid? I think he's gonna be a tad underwhelmed by a bookstore employee, Wayne." Steve's not gonna lie, he's a little intrigued by the prospect of dating a musician. He read a romance novel about one, not that long ago. Concerts, greenroom intimacy, targeted lyrics: Steve could be into it, in theory.

And ultimately, Steve did see photos of Eddie on Google and he's attractive. He looks good holding a guitar.

"He's gonna be home for a while so I figured now's a good time. Just go on one date. He's a big softie, you'll like him." Wayne pulls a book off the shelf and squints to try and read the title. He holds it further from his eyes before giving up and pushing it back into its slot.

"What happens if he doesn't like me? Will you still come around?" Steve runs a nervous hand through his hair. It wouldn't be the end of the world if Wayne stopped showing up, but it would probably hurt a little. It might fan the flame of his fear of abandonment.

"Of course, unless you break his heart. I know where you work, young man." Wayne pats his shoulder good-naturedly.

"Okay old man, you need my number to hand off?"

***

A day later, when Steve feels his phone buzz against his thigh, his instincts already know who it is. His heart gives that anticipatory squeeze he often gets before a first date with someone he finds attractive.

The text reads:

Hi Steve, this is eddie. Wayne swears we're soulmates. Wanna get dinner on friday?

It's a funny text to receive out of nowhere. Steve doubts Wayne actually used that word, but he imagines that Eddie is probably getting more of an earful than Steve got about this whole blind date. He also wonders what kind of person calls their dad by their first name.

Hi Eddie. I'd love to get dinner on Fri and discuss our soulmate status. I'm pretty sure he expects us to be married by the end of the night. Should I bring my tux? Also do you have a time and place in mind?

The master of puppets (Wayne) suggested we go to Maggiano's, are you okay with Italian? 8 maybe??? Tux optional but I think I will not be wearing one.

Haha. That sounds good Eddie, it's nice to hear from you. I'll see you soon.

***

Steve has to ask Amber to change his shift for Friday to work in the morning instead of the evening.

"Steve has somewhere other than work to be on a Friday night? Unheard of!" She slaps her palms down on the book display she was laying out.

"I know. I'm surprised too." Steve fiddles with his lanyard and gives her a 'please say yes' smile. She sighs.

"Yeah, I'll cover you. You can take my morning slot."

"Thank you! I owe you, boss."

***

When Friday arrives, Steve has the nervous jitters. It's been about a year since his last date, it didn't go very well. He's flattered that Wayne thinks highly enough of him to set him up with his kid.

Steve picks up a few small gifts for Eddie on his way home from work. He always brings his first dates a little something. He likes to see the way their faces light up. He thinks maybe he should get Eddie something music-related. So he walks into a little music store he's never been in and asks for small gift ideas for guitarists. He walks out wearing a smile, and hoping Eddie digs what he bought him.

And he's all smiles and confidence until he pulls up to the restaurant at eight and realizes he didn't send a confirmation text this morning. That's like, a rule, right? What if Eddie doesn't show up?

Steve steps out of the car and is equally anxious and relieved to find him leaning artfully against the restaurant near the front door with his hands in his pockets.

His curls are haloed by the warm light spilling out of the restaurant window. He's wearing a dark button-down with the sleeves rolled up to reveal tattoos on his forearms. And yeah, okay, he's hot.

The fact that Steve's going on a date with someone sort of famous hasn't fully sunk in. He's not sure he needs the added nerves though. He approaches as casually as possible and smiles when Eddie looks over.

The man does a double-take when he sees Steve. His eyebrows shoot up and he pushes off against the wall to stand straighter.

"Hi, Eddie?" Steve steps up onto the curb with a little wave. Eddie gives him a thorough once over.

"Oh, damn. Hi." He pulls a hand out of his pocket to shake Steve's.

Eddie is pretty up close. He's got long eyelashes and a bridge of little freckles across his nose. Steve notices all the little details that the on-stage photos didn't capture. He wonders if Wayne described what he looked like to Eddie who was at an informational disadvantage.

"I don't know what I was expecting you to look like, but my uncle didn't mention you were model pretty." Eddie tucks one of his big curls behind his ear and then steps forward to open the door. Steve's face gets warm at being called "model pretty", but he's terrible at taking compliments. He tries to redirect the conversation.

"Your uncle?" Steve asks.

"Wayne? My uncle?" Eddie motions towards the open door and follows after Steve once he's inside.

"Oh. You know he tells people that you're his son?"

Eddie's face softens and he scratches at his cheek. "Oh. Yeah well, I basically am. Maybe I should start calling him dad, I don't know."

"We don't take walk-ins." The hostess of the restaurant announces, breaking up their small talk. Steve looks over to see a tall woman with a slicked-back ponytail mad-dogging them. She has a cold demeanor, she kills the mood with one look between them. Steve knows the look, he's sure Eddie does too.

"Good to know! I have a reservation, though." Eddie responds.

"What's the name?" The woman pulls her iPad closer to herself like a shield.

"Munson." Eddie glances at Steve nervously.

"Hm. I don't see it." She pretends, tapping around meaninglessly. Eddie is getting agitated and maybe embarrassed too. He's scratching at his arm, unsure of how to proceed. First dates are already so awkward, especially blind ones. And if there's one thing about Steve, it's that he's gonna try to lighten the mood.

"Don't you know who he is?" Steve asks offendedly. Eddie whips around to look at Steve with wide, panic-filled eyes. The hostess raises an eyebrow and looks more closely at Eddie. It makes Steve chuckle. "I'm just kidding, let's go get burgers or something." He grabs Eddie's hand and pulls him back out the door.

"Holy shit, you scared me. I didn't know you knew who I was." Eddie has a hand on his chest and a wild grin. "She definitely didn't."

"I was just messing around. She did not want to seat our gay date." Steve sticks his hands in his pockets and then remembers Eddie's gift. "Oh but hey! I got you something."

Steve pulls out a nice bar of chocolate and a little tin of black pearly guitar picks. He offers them to Eddie with an open palm.

"Oh, what? You didn't have to do that." Eddie grabs them eagerly and slides open the tin. "This is so nice! How'd you know I've been needing picks? Now I feel doubly bad about dinner falling through."

"Hey, if I'm honest, sit-down dinner dates kind of give me anxiety. Too much pressure to keep the conversation going." Steve pulls out his keys, "You like burgers?"

Eddie huffs dramatically. "My palette is far too sophisticated for greasy burgers, Steve. I'm a chicken nugget man, obviously."

"That makes sense. You look like one." Steve teases. Eddie pouts.

"I'm taking that as a compliment."

"If you want nuggets we can just walk down the street. Unless you want me to drive?" Steve points in the direction of the row of fast-food restaurants.

"Yeah, let's walk."

Steve slowly turns and starts walking, glancing invitingly over his shoulder.

"So you know me." Eddie rattles the tin of guitar picks and looks a little worried by the prospect that Steve is some sort of fan.

"Only through your uncle, really. And maybe a short Google search. Sue me." Steve holds up his hands guiltily.

"Oh yeah, Wayne's my marketing manager. I send him out to spread the good word."

"Well I don't know who you've been instructing him to market to, but he's spending all his time in my store making me read book summaries to him because he conveniently forgets his glasses every time he comes in." Steve deadpans. Eddie chuckles and shakes his head knowingly.

"Yeah, It's this new long-con form of marketing. We decided to go all in for just one new fan." Eddie's got these sweet little dimples on either cheek when he smiles.

"Kinda worked, I dunno. I'm charmed by the Munsons." Steve and Eddie are veering towards each other as they walk. They're set to collide like two little asteroids. When they do end up bumping shoulders, it's soft. They stay close after that.

Steve hears a truly horrible sound coming from a bar a few meters ahead of them.

"Oh shit! Karaoke bar!" Eddie exclaims and speeds over. Eddie stands in front of the fenced-off patio and looks in while someone butchers Guns N' Roses. He looks absolutely delighted.

"What, you want to go show off in front of these poor, tone-deaf drunkards?" Steve rests his arms on the little fence and leans forward. Eddie vehemently disagrees.

"God no, I just like hearing all the very talented Midwestern voices." Eddie wiggles his eyebrows to express his sarcasm. "In other words, I enjoy making fun of bad music. I'm only human."

They sit there and give each other pained looks at the bad voices for a few minutes until someone starts trying to drunkenly stumble over the verse to a Nicki Minaj song and then Eddie drags Steve away in anguish.

"Can't take it anymore, Steve. Spare me."

***

The two of them have a good rapport, Steve thinks as they sit on a curb and share a big box of chicken nuggets. Maybe Wayne was right. It's playful. He can see how Eddie and Wayne share a handful of mannerisms and a sense of humor.

"Let's intertwine our arms like newlyweds do when they drink champagne," Steve says with a ketchup-covered chicken nugget in his hand. He wraps an arm around Eddie's and then takes a bite. Eddie follows his lead and giggles.

"I didn't know they did that. I've never been to a wedding." Eddie swallows and reaches for his soda.

"What? Never?"

Eddie shakes his head and looks up at the night sky. It's too cloudy to see any stars, unfortunately.

"My tux is in the car, by the way, should things pan out tonight." Steve jokes.

"I think they're panning." Eddie winks and leans in slightly.

"Oh yeah? Have I lived up to Wayne's description of me?" Steve bats his eyelashes and gives Eddie a sweet little smile.

"You've exceeded it, sweetheart." Eddie picks up Steve's hand and presses a chaste kiss to the inside of his wrist. Steve's heart jumps. When Eddie pulls back, he doesn't pull back far.

"Do you ever kiss on a first date?" Eddie whispers and squeezes Steve's hand. He glances at Steve's lips.

"Mmm, I could be persuaded." Steve feels a heady rush at the fact that he has somehow won the interest of a successful musician who probably meets loads of people every day. Steve reaches forward and tugs at one of Eddie's loose curls. He twists it around his finger and looks up with big doe eyes.

The tension is cut from Eddie's body when Steve looks at him like that. The move has a pretty good success rate at this point. And it doesn't fail him tonight. Eddie rests a hand on the base of Steve's neck. He strokes his thumb back and forth against the hollow of Steve's collarbone and leans in slowly.

Eddie's warm lips press against his own gently, experimentally. Their lips make a sweet sound when the suction is broken and Eddie's immediately reseal against Steve like he's irresistible. It's been forever since Steve kissed anyone, especially anyone worth kissing. He forgot how sweet and floaty it feels.

The hand on Steve's collar slides up so it's lightly holding his neck, it feels quietly possessive. It makes Steve's face heat up. Eddie's free arm wraps around Steve's waist pulling him closer. He lets himself be pulled.

Eddie starts getting more confident and hums softly when Steve weaves a hand into his long hair.

Steve could keep this up for hours, he wants to. But as dark as it is, he doesn't love the idea of continuing this so out in the open. He pulls back with regret.

"Damn, how are you not already taken?" Eddie wipes at Steve's shiny lips with his thumb.

"How are you not already taken? You're the accomplished one." Steve counters, squeezing one of Eddie's knees.

Eddie gathers their trash around them and stuffs it into the paper bag. "Well, I'll be home for a while if you'd want to do this again sometime. I can take you to a nice restaurant next time, I promise." He stands to throw away the trash. "Damn, I don't want the night to be over..."

"It doesn't have to be, you're welcome at mine." Steve leans back on one of his hands and bats his eyelashes up at Eddie.

"My New Year's resolution was to not do first date hookups, though."

"We don't have to, just come hang out." Steve holds an arm out to be pulled up to his feet from where he’s still sitting on the curb.

"Oh, yeah okay. You want me to?" Eddie pulls him to his feet with more force than necessary. It sends them both stumbling and giggling.

"Obviously I want you to."

***

The walk back to the restaurant is much faster than it was at the start of the night. They regretfully have to split at the parking lot, each having their own ride.

"Wait, call me so we can still talk on the way there." Eddie requests before jogging off to Wayne's truck. There really isn't much need to talk on the phone since Steve lives so close, but it's kind of cute that he wants to. Steve hits the call button on Eddie's contact.

"Hello, to whom am I speaking?" Eddie asks in a formal, over-the-top voice.

"This is Steve Harrington. I'm contacting you regarding your car's extended warranty." Steve backs out of his spot and waits for Eddie to do the same before driving out of the parking lot.

"Oh wow, what a coincidence. I was just wondering if my car had an extended warranty." Eddie always plays along, he digs into all of Steve's jokes and finds his own spot to grow there.

Steve drives slower than he normally would so that he doesn't get separated from his date. Eddie doesn't appreciate the sentiment.

"You drive like a grandpa. Has anyone ever told you that?" Eddie laughs and honks his horn. Steve hears it both over the phone and from his window.

"I'm only driving slow so we don't get separated, asshole."

"There's barely anyone on the road tonight to separate us, but it's fine, Steve. I value your safety. Drive at your comfortable geriatric pace."

When they pull up to a red light, Eddie instructs Steve to roll down his window so they can stick their hands out and play Rock Paper Scissors. Steve is so distracted watching Eddie's hand through his side mirror that he misses when the light turns.

"It's green, honey," Eddie alerts him softly through the phone, and Steve apologizes.

He's smiling real big the whole way there and when Steve eventually gets out of the car, Eddie comes up and grabs him from behind.

Eddie plants a few eager kisses on the side of Steve's neck. "You're fun, Steve."

"I'll show you real fun some other time." He jokes and pulls Eddie towards his place.

As soon as Steve opens the door to his apartment, he feels self-conscious about how dull it looks inside. Eddie looks around quietly. His eye catches on a picture of Steve and Robin.

"That's my best friend, Robin." Steve clarifies, just in case Eddie reads it wrong like dates have in the past.

Eddie smiles and pulls Steve back against his chest. "She looks nice."

"Looks can be deceiving." Steve laments which has Eddie chuckling into his shoulder. Eddie rubs at Steve's tummy.

What Steve really wants, what he's been desperate for, for months and months is human touch. He just wants to cuddle so badly. And Eddie doesn't seem the type to cuddle, but looks can be deceiving, so Steve's gonna ask anyway.

"Wanna cuddle and watch trash reality TV?" Steve's shoulders rise to his ears, it's a defensive gesture and he's expecting to be rejected. Eddie looks slightly amused by his offer, but he nods.

***

"So you liked him alright?" Wayne asks smugly patting the counter. Steve nervously watches the back of the store where Amber is reorganizing. Steve shouldn't be having a conversation like this at work while she's around.

"Yes, Wayne." Steve rolls his eyes. "Your nephew is lovely."

"I told him he should come here with me next time. Maybe we'll both visit ya." Wayne looks happy. The corners of his default frown have been pulled upwards by the return of his nephew. He's a good man. Steve thinks if his kid was only home a few weeks he'd want to hoard all of his attention, surely not set him up on dates.

And that's the thing about Wayne, it seems like he puts the people he cares about first. Steve wonders if Wayne is all that lonely when Eddie's gone, or if he just comes into the store so often because he knows Steve is.

"I'd love that." Steve hopes things work out with the Munsons.

[leighsartworks216]

You Hate Me

Astarion x gn!Tav/Reader

Sooooo I wrote this one morning when even just laying down had my knees hurting and I was like,, well what if Tav had that too? Also inspired by the fact I get to campus an hour early and still try to rush to the (empty) classroom instead of, ya know, taking advantage of the huge time buffer I give myself

Warnings: swearing, descriptions of joint pain, insecurity, crying, possibly OOC, clown mention

Word Count: 1,545

Masterlist

AO3

Just a bit further. A little further and then you could rest. If you make it to that tree - make it to that tree and you can sit down. Just a bit left to go.

It started almost a week ago. Unable to cope with all the traveling, your right knee started bothering you. With every step you could feel your kneecap shifting back and forth with a dull click. Then, it started to hurt. Nothing serious. If you walked slow enough, you could avoid it. But now every step sent shocks of pain up your entire leg. Your left knee joined the party this morning, removing any sense of relief you had while walking. Even sitting down didn't remove the pain, but you couldn't afford a day off.

Your companions noticed the changes, despite your best effort not to show any outward discomfort. You moved slower, the occasional grimace slipped through, they weren't traveling quite as far. You consider asking Shadowheart for anything that could ease the pain, but you already knew there was little she could do to help. So you grit your teeth and kept going.

Your foot stepped on uneven ground and you nearly dropped from the agony that shot through your whole body. Karlach worried you might actually just collapse. But you kept going.

Astarion couldn't bear it. None of them could - they hated seeing their intrepid leader fight their own body just to go a few more feet - but your struggle settled like a boulder in his stomach. Every time your face scrunched up, every hiss of your sharp inhales, felt like someone had stabbed a knife in his chest and was twisting it ever deeper. He hated the feeling.

With only a few long strides, he slipped from the back of the group to the front, walking alongside you. He had to change his normal gait just so he didn't surpass you. "Darling," he hummed quietly, just loud enough to keep the conversation between you two, "you should rest."

You shook your head. You didn't even spare him a glance. Your eyes didn't shift from the tree. "We're almost there," you dismiss. It's slightly breathless. Despite needing to walk slow to avoid the pain, you were pushing to go faster.

He tsked. "And how far do we still have left to go?" He tilted his head as he looked at you, already knowing whatever distance you said would be too far.

You nodded to a tree dead ahead. "Once we reach that birch, we can rest."

"That birch?" He pointed. "The birch tree that's nearly half a mile away?"

He could feel you bristle with his incredulous tone, but you didn't say anything.

He scoffed. "My dear, I can be stubborn at the best of times, but this is ridiculous! You're barely staying upright as it is."

"I'm fine-"

"No, you're not," he sharply cuts you off. He grabs your arm and pulls you to a stop, holding you there with enough force that you wouldn't slip out and keep going. You refuse to look at him even now. "You're wincing, your hands have been clenched for the last mile, and you keep stumbling. The tree will still be there if you just sit down for a minute."

The rest of the party watches from a distance. Far enough away they can just make out what Astarion's saying, especially as his voice rises in pitch the more frustrated he gets.

Standing still hurts. It's hard to say if it hurts more or less than walking; it just hurts. Your face is pinched as sharp jolts run up through your joints, like someone is poking you with a sewing needle. Walking, you decide, must be better than this.

"It's not that far," you insist, voice low. "And when we get there, we can-"

"Gods above, you're impossible! Fine. Fine! You want to get to that tree, fine." He lets go of your arm.

Before you can even take a step, he's sweeping you into his arms, supporting you with one arm under your back and the other hooked under your knees. The pressure hurts for a moment, but it quickly fades away. The lingering aches are from pushing yourself too hard. He begins marching once more toward your end goal.

You want to shout, to demand he put you down. But when you look up at his face, his eyes are sharper than usual, lips pulled into a tight frown and crease forming between his eyebrows. He's angry.

He's angry with you.

The words die in your throat. You hate being so dependent. You were the leader - you needed to be strong and fearless and without weakness. To receive help feels like someone plunging their hand between your ribs and stealing away a chunk of your worth. But seeing Astarion upset, upset with you, that stings far worse.

You avoid looking over his shoulder. You could just imagine their faces. How Lae'zel would scowl at you for being weak. How Gale's face would turn somber when he realizes you're not as capable as he thought. You couldn't bear it. So you press your forehead to Astarion's neck and stare at your lap.

There's an unwelcome burn at the back of your eyes. Shame floods your chest and crawls up your throat until it chokes you. Water pools along your lower lids and blurs your vision. You can't walk and now you're going to cry. Just how fucking pathetic can you be?

Astarion's head shifts and you can tell he's trying to look down at you. He's trying to see your face. Because he can feel you shaking in his arms. He can hear your lungs quivering as your breaths become uneven and choppy. You press your closed eyes against his throat and he can feel the hot tears against his skin.

His frown softens, though you can't see it. He slows down to a stop and tells the others to go on ahead, to the birch tree just there, and start working on setting up camp, but all you can hear is your heart pounding in your ears. Their faces become fraught with worry; Karlach is the last to go. She still looks back once or twice. Astarion finds a suitable rock and he sits.

"Shh, sweet thing," he cooes, voice no louder than a whisper. His arm around your back pulls you into his shoulder, hand tangling in your hair as he cradles you. His other hand rubs soothing circles along your thigh. You gasp around a sob, body curling further into itself, into him, as you release your emotions. "It's alright."

You strangle out an apology. It's wet and croaky and painful.

"Whatever for?" he asks.

"You're mad at me," you whimper.

He huffs. The frustration from before rises in him again just thinking about it. "Yes, I am."

He feels your breath catch in your throat, and the heaving breath you take after. "You hate me."

Astarion laughs, short and sharp. "Why would I hate you, dear? Because you're too stubborn for your own good?" You don't have a response for him. He kisses your head, wherever he can reach. "I'm mad because you put yourself out trying to solve all of our issues, but the moment you have one of your own, you refuse any help. You're going to tear yourself apart."

He sighs and rests his cheek atop your head. His fingers rub the nape of your neck, gently tugging at the hair there. You carry so much tension, it's a wonder your muscles haven't locked up from the stress.

Time passes slowly in his arms. It seems to take forever before you start to calm down, and even longer before your eyes have dried. He does nothing to speed the process aside from gently hush you when you try to choke out apologies.

You sniffle quietly. Your eyes are raw, and you're all too aware of the stain of water you've left on the vampire's neck. When you speak, it's a painful creak in your vocal chords. "You don't hate me?"

He presses another kiss to your head. "No, love, I don't hate you. Not unless you've done something truly horrific, like invite a clown to show up at camp in the middle of the night." You chuckle weakly. It's such sweet music. "Gods forbid you start donating to charity." You laugh this time, and Astarion's chuckle vibrates against your ear.

His fingers detangle themselves from your hair with one last gentle tug, and his arm wraps around your back once more. As though you weigh no more than one of his pillows, he stands once more with you in his safe grasp, and begins heading for camp. He can see Karlach up ahead light up when she sees you're finally on your way.

"I'm sorry," you whisper. "I just feel so... useless, like this."

"Please, stop apologizing," he begs, dramatically. "Just say 'thank you' and we can move on."

You peel your face from his skin, dried tears sticking you together. You wince at how disgusting this must be for him. You lean up and kiss his cheek. He smiles at the affection. "Thank you."

Softer, he says, "Of course, my love."

[temis-de-leon]

MC with a selfish best friend

MC mourning the loss of a long toxic friendship with the help of the brothers.

Characters: demon brothers and fem!MC (written as platonic, but could be read as romantic)

Masterlist , Part 2 (kind of)

CW: continued discussion about weight gain and weight loss, eating as a coping mechanism, obssesive and manipulative behaviour, emotional blackmail, a glimpse of animal neglect, a tiny nod at suicide, MC trying to hide her feelings, anxiety, TLC from the brothers

A/N: kind of self insert because I'm writing my own experience, so this isn't the most relatable MC. Still, I hope you enjoy it! Remember I'm not a native english speaker, so there might be some grammar mistakes.

.

.

Back then, not that long ago, MC was completely sure she wouldn’t go any further in life. She was stuck in college, in her family and her friend group. There was a dynamic she could work through and, although it could be better, she wasn’t one to complain.

It was a flooded basement with filthy water, but at least it lacked rats.

She just needed some time to start working on herself. Go to therapy, lose some weight maybe? Start cooking again and stop wasting money on fast food. She did use to enjoy spending time in the kitchen and experimenting, after all, but the only things she cooked during her last months in the human realm were mugcakes and pasta. Not necessarily nutritious, but easy to make.

Thank god she had her best friend.

Her companion in the basement, the one with the flashlight.

MC wished she let her hold her hand too.

.

.

“She’s overthinking again. Not good”

“Look who’s talking”

“Hey! It was just a joke!”

“Should we talk to her?”

“Maybe when she comes back, else we’ll give her a heart attack”

“Yeah, Lucifer would kill us”

“Oh, so now we’re doing this for Lucifer?”

“Don’t be selfish, Mammon”

“Who ya calling selfish?”

“Ugh”

MC listened carefully, softly smiling at Beel and Levi’s voices drowning Mammon’s in an almost silent screaming match.

She couldn’t see them from her position, her upper body completely sprawled over the armrest and her line of sight lost in the ashes of the chimney. The fire cracked, threatening to die in front of her, but it was difficult to get up when her body weighted so much. She was tired and hungry and nauseous and even the idea of sitting straight sent bile to her mouth.

Then someone walked into the common room, shushing harshly and getting the other brothers to cease their fighting. Whoever it was, probably Lucifer or Satan, must have thought she was asleep.

So MC closed her eyes, hiding her face in the crook of her arm and basking in the comfortable silence. She could hear them still; the shuffle of cards, a plastic wrapper, buttons and joysticks.

The newcomer got close to her, covering her body with a blanket and sitting at her feet before opening a book. There was enough space in the couch for at least two more people, but MC still curled up, trying to make more room for him. She stopped in her tracks when he grabbed her ankle in a gentle grip, a gesture that brought some warmth where her pants didn’t reach.

Would someone add another log for the fire? Everyone seemed too comfortable to move.

At least the blanket was thick. Pure hellish wool or something, because every animal in the Devildom was just a bigger scarier version of those in the human realm. It was also, however, softer than any type of textile she could’ve ever find back home, so the creature could spit fire for all she cared.

Suddenly, the brother caressing her ankle tightened his grip for a short moment, demanding her attention. When MC opened her eyes, she found Satan smiling at her with no one else in the room. She must’ve fallen asleep after all.

“Dinner is ready”

He let her stretch, unconsciously comparing her to a cat when she arched her back and cracked every possible bone in her body. Satan wondered if that ever hurt, but MC seemed to enjoy it very much whenever she had the occasion to do so, like when they came home from classes after a long day or when they bought groceries for the whole week and Beel. 

“Did you not sleep well last night?”

“Not for a while, no”

“Is that so? Something troubling you, MC? Anything I can help with?”

“I don’t know”

She sounded sincere, but Satan didn’t buy it. Only a month had passed since MC came back to the Devildom, looking a bit more tired than when she left at the end of the first year of the program, and she’d acted ecstatic when she learnt she would be living with them again.

He was sure the problem relied in her human phone, something she didn’t have last year and Diavolo had kindly allowed her to keep.

All of his brothers, even the eldest, were greatly impressed when MC showed them how she unlocked the device with her fingerprints, as well as the human versions of Devilgram, Deviltube and Akuzon. That was a fun day, but time passed and soon the phone became an inconvenience. Someone at the other side of the line was taking their beloved human’s time, leaving her exhausted in the aftermath of their conversations and, if Satan vision’s was correct, teary eyed.

That would not continue. Not on his watch.

“We’ll look into it in another moment. Right now, let’s go with the others. Aren’t you hungry?”

“God, yes!”

They both chuckled and he forced his thoughts away. They could wait for the time being.

.

.

Beel didn’t judge her, but she didn’t feel as happy as she thought she would whenever they sneaked in the kitchen at the late hours of the night.

Opening the fridge door with slow movements, trying not to make noise while taking plates or bowls and eating in silence between giggles and short whispers brought a sort of familiarity. And Beel never judged MC. Why would he? He ate even more than her. He’d keep going long after she was finished, full enough to want to puke everything, and MC would feel a wicked satisfaction knowing that no matter how much she ate, there was someone that would eat much more.

Those nights she’d go to bed feeling sick and greasy, too regretful and high on sugar to be tired. Then, by morning, she’d force herself to eat breakfast and go on with her day just to get whatever sense of normality she could reach.

Although, lately, things had been slightly different.

They still got together at night and filled their mouths to the brim, but Beel was adamant about MC going to the gym with him when the morning came, before everyone was out of bed. Of course she’d said no since the beginning, but he kept insisting, saying she didn’t have to exercise if she didn’t want to.

MC still said no.

Then Asmodeus put his input.

“I’m not going to tell you what to do, hon’, but you aren’t getting your 8 hours of sleep and you’re adding calories during the night. That’s horrible for your skin!”

And had it been her mother saying that, MC would’ve lashed out, rejecting opinions she’d been hearing for years over and over and over again, but this was Asmo. The Avatar of Lust. The most beautiful demon in the entire Devildom. MC guessed she wasn’t being fair to her mother, who also loved her and hated seeing her so sick and tired all the time, when it was Asmo she couldn’t ignore.

“I get anxious when I go to bed” she finally confessed.

MC could feel Satan’s eyes on her, but he stayed silent.

“Spend the night with me” intervened Belphie with an honest smile, a muted worry in his eyes “I could make you so tired you wouldn’t want to get out of bed”

“No way!”

Everyone looked at Mammon and several sighs filled the room. The demon, although deeply blushing, kept talking with an overbearing smugness.

“If someone’s gonna sleep with her, it’s gonna be me! Don’t worry MC, the Great Mammon will chase the nightmares away!”

“I think sleeping with you would give her nightmares, actually”

Mammon turned to Levi, ready to swing at his brother, but MC talked before the fight started.

“It’s not nightmares, Mams, I just feel anxious. You know, like, I can’t stop thinking”

“About what?”

She looked at Satan, who was staring at her with a calculating glance, surely remembering what she told him days before when she fell asleep on the couch.

“I don’t know… Everything, I guess”

All of them stayed silent, ignoring what they were previously doing. It didn’t feel uncomfortable, but MC wished someone said anything.

Of course, Mammon spoke first.

“Well, that’s a lot”

“No shit, you moron”

Levi finally got smacked and the rest of them went back to do their own thing, letting MC’s lack of sleep behind. A part of her wanted to keep the conversation going, but she felt too embarrassed when she tried to open her mouth again, especially having Satan looking at her like a hawk.

You don't want me to stare at you? I want to. What's the problem?

She achieved to ignore him in the end.

That night she stayed in her room, pacing, chewing her sweatshirt’s aglet while humming that Phineas and Ferb’s song and turning her headphone’s volume to the maximum with a different music threatening to deteriorate her hearing.

Anything to distract herself and not go to the kitchen.

Finally, hours after bidding the brothers goodnight, MC threw herself on the bed. Her feet were aching, its footprints surely engraved in the carpet, and she forgot to take her headphones off, making the position uncomfortable, but the important thing was that she didn’t have the need to eat anymore.

However, Beel still knocked her door at dawn.

MC stared at him when she opened, bleary-eyed and mouth as dry as cotton, the hem of her pyjama pants so high they looked like pantaloons. He, on the other hand, was completely awake and seemed ready to conquer the day.

“Before you say anything, I’m not going to the gym today”

There was a heavy silence for a couple of seconds.

“Then why did you wake me up? We have classes tomorrow”

Beel stared at her with a worried expression.

“We don’t. It’s Saturday”

“Ah”

She could’ve sleep longer? MC wished she was mad at him, but his puppy stare was hypnotizing.

“I want to go for a walk today. And I want you to come with me”

He lowered his gaze for a moment, biting his cheek while waiting for an answer. MC turned around and looked at the window, still unable to decipher what time it was by looking at the sky.

There were a few things MC missed from the human realm. The sun was one of them.

“We could go to the park, feed some birds and then have breakfast somewhere else. I swear I won’t eat the seeds this time"

She chuckled, rolling her eyes when he smiled back. Then she looked down at the rolled pants and her bare legs.

“Is it cold?”

“I don’t think so, but you can borrow my jacket”

MC sighed and rubbed her eyes, waiting until the white spots disappeared before walking towards her closet. She wouldn’t be able to fall asleep again, she knew that.

“Let me change and then we’re going. But you owe me one, Beel!”

His smile was too wide for him to answer.

.

.

Breakfast with Beel ended up lasting three whole hours, which was understandable, and they spent the whole time talking about nothing and almost everything, both of them clearly avoiding the subject of her sleeping habits.

MC really did want to talk about it, but then again, what did she want to talk about exactly? She had trouble falling asleep, yes, and she’d gone back to eating her feelings, but she couldn’t point out the reason. Her nights were filled with paranoia, making her revaluate every piece of interaction she’d had since she got back home from the Devildom months ago. Did she spoke correctly? Did people understand that she was just studying abroad and not begging for attention?

She hoped her best friend dropped those accusations. MC would never stoop so low. Just thinking about it brought tears to her eyes.

“Don’t you want anything else?”

MC looked at Beel and the stack of plates surrounding him at the table, mugs and cardboard boxes stained with chocolate, whipped cream and frosting. Her side of the booth was much cleaner, but when she lowered her gaze the only thing she could think of were mugcakes and pasta and the taste of bile in her mouth at the sight of her bloated stomach.

“No, I’m fine”

She knew he loved her. She knew she could talk to him and he would listen and maybe even hold her hand, but the small restaurant was already filled with demons and witches and whatnot and MC knew she’d only be able to sob the moment she’d open her mouth, so she stayed quiet.

Beel nodded, going back to his food with a strange calmness. Maybe he was close to being full?

But no, it wasn’t that.

MC gasped when she felt his foot weakly tapping hers before going under it to support its weight. A small comfort, like the prelude of a long awaited hug.

He didn’t know how much she appreciated it.

.

.

Winter had already reached the Devildom the day MC opened her closet and stared at her clothes. No matter what she chose, everything was at least a size bigger.

She guessed finally going to the gym with Beel did have some payoff.

“Is something wrong, MC?”

Asmo turned the lights of her bathroom off, walking where she was silently standing while staring at the discarded clothes around her.

“You don’t feel like dressing up today? We can stay home and do some self-care if you want”

MC turned around to look at him with gratitude. She knew how much he wanted to go shopping, especially with her. Finals ended just the day before and everyone had been so occupied they’d barely seen each other outside classes and meal times.

“Don’t worry, it’s not that. It’s just that… everything feels wrong. I think I lost weight”

He chuckled at her revelation, hugging her waist and kissing her cheek between giggles.

“You’re taking care of yourself, silly! Whatever are you doing with Beel in the gym, I wonder…?”

She laughed and lightly hit his arm, showing no ill intent, and Asmo smiled in response, not bothering to hide his lewd expression.

“Don’t be nasty!”

 “Oh, I’m just joking! But you know what this means, right? We get to renew your whole closet!”

MC turned around again, perfectly knowing that she could either spent her monthly allowance on clothes or start thinking on how she could rock the oversize streetwear style.

She sighed, trying to hide her smile with no success before speaking again. Asmo’s eyes were stuck on her.

“Very well, then” she wasn’t finish talking yet when the demon clapped his hands and jumped in excitement “I’ll trust your criteria”

He gasped and hit her arm in return.

“As you should!”

.

.

“So… how do I look?”

Mammon whistled, clapping and signalling her to turn around in response. Once she did a little twirl, he clapped even harder, not stopping even when she blushed in embarrassment and ran towards him to stop his overly excited appreciation.

“You look mighty fine, MC!”

“Stop!”

“Has anyone ever told you how hot you look?”

“Stop!!”

They were both laughing, her chasing him all around his room with burning cheeks and a gigantic smile.

The shopping bags waited patiently at the door, half of them already empty with a pile of clothes folded on the couch. Mammon had insisted on a private catwalk the moment he learnt she’d gone shopping with Asmo, his offense completely gone barely half an hour after starting the show in his room.

Every time she changed in his opened closet he’d cover his eyes with his hands and every time she came out with a new outfit he’d scream praises like a madman.

MC wasn’t used to this level of compliments and he sure was making it hard to stay calm.

“C’mon, go change again!”

“You’re acting insane right now, Mams”

She was smiling like crazy and her cheeks were hurting, but she didn’t want it to stop. When was the last time someone had been this hyped over her looking pretty? She couldn’t remember.

Then her phone rang.

MC stopped smiling when she saw the name on the screen.

She thought about answering and spoiling a nice evening because of a sour one-sided conversation. Was it worth it? Sure her friend could wait a couple more hours, right? She’d survived without MC the whole year she spent at the Devildom uncommunicated, after all.

“Is it The Unnameable?”

MC stared at her phone for one more second before turning around to look at Mammon, who was kneeling on the couch with his arms crossed over the backrest, eyes peeking with curiosity and another feeling she couldn’t identify.

“The Unname… Robdemor??”

He nodded, blushing and looking away.

“Yeah. You know, like, her name brings bad luck or some shit”

“She doesn’t bring bad luck”

MC didn’t sound as convincing as she wanted to and Mammon’s incredulity proved her point.

“Don’t be stupid, MC”

The pot calling the kettle back, she wanted to say, but no words came to her mouth. She was being stupid, wasn’t she? Everyone at the house already knew what to expect whenever her phone ringed or vibrated and they always did their best to distract her so she could leave the damn thing behind. She suspected Belphie even turned it off at one point.

Staring at her feet, trying to voice her feelings, MC talked again.  

“She just… needs me sometimes”

“Sometimes??”

Mammon got up, going around the couch to reach her. He looked flabbergasted, eyes opened wide and a myriad of words stuck in his throat.

The phone stopped ringing, but soon a flood of messages interrupted the silence to call for her attention instead. When she looked back at Mammon, he had frustration in his eyes.

She decided then she couldn’t bear to see him like this, so serious and reasonable. Was it too late to go back to chasing each other, laughing while trying new clothes? She’d been capable of keeping her feelings to herself since she could remember, but Mammon wouldn’t let her do that and she feared the moment the rest of the brothers decided enough was enough too.

God, she needed to talk, but not right now. Talking would make it real and she still wasn’t strong enough for the whole situation to be real.

In a matter of seconds her eyes were watering and she felt as if her throat had thorns stuck in her flesh, but before she could do anything about it there were arms wrapping around her. MC wasted no time hugging Mammon back, trying her hardest not to spoil any tears. The tags in the back of her new shirt poked her skin, making her squirm and get even closer to Mammon’s body.

He was rocking her side to side while petting her hair and there was no doubt he’d deny the whole ordeal happening afterwards, but she let herself enjoy the feeling anyways. It was nice being taken care of.

.

.

It was the first time MC had gone to bed so early since before college. Her eyelids felt heavy and the bed was soft and comfortable, at least three blankets shielding her from the cold outside that froze her window and sunk her room in darkness.

But she couldn’t stop staring at her phone.

She’d turned the vibration off days ago, but that didn’t stop the notifications from showing up on the lock screen and, although she could also take care of that, MC still wanted to be able to read the messages without needing to open the app.

Her best friend talked about everything, good or bad. Mostly bad. How she thought her boyfriend was cheating on her, even when she was the one cheating on him, how much she was eating because there was no one to stop her, how tired she was to even clean her cat’s litter box. She’d say if MC were there everything would be so much better, she wouldn’t feel so lonely.

She didn’t ask about MC once.

“You’re thinking so hard it’s giving me a headache”

MC’s body violently jerked at Belphie’s voice.

He’d entered the room in silence, closing the door and approaching her bed without making any noise. Seeing her freaking out made him snicker, but he was too tired to fully laugh and simply laid down next to her.

“Jesus, Belphie”

“No, just me”

“Ha ha ha”

Her sarcasm didn’t affect him in the slightest. MC watched as he closed his eyes and offered his hand to held hers in a firm grasp, probably not wanting to let her go during the night.

“Turn that damn thing off” he growled against the pillow when a new message showed up.

“I’ve seen you sleep on the ground before; you can’t complain about some light”

“Watch me”

She thought he was just joking, challenging her like a small child would, but Belphie managed to surprise her when he rolled over her body, grabbed the phone and threw it to the other side of the room.

“Belphie!”

He shushed, sealing her lips under his hand before hugging her body with all four limbs, trapping her under the covers.

MC could’ve complained and hit him until he let her go to retrieve the phone, but that would’ve meant pissing him off and staring at the screen for another hour or until her friend decided it was time to show some interest in MC’s life.

…

Whoa.

…

So that’s what it was.

That simple, uh?

MC waited for something to happen at her epiphany. Nausea, panic, heavy breathing. Instead, she felt an overpowering sense of relief. Her heartbeat evened and the frown she didn’t know she had in her forehead disappeared.

No headache, no memories. For once, no nothing.

“You’re not dying, aren’t you?”

Belphie’s head rose, looking at her with suspicion, but her eyes were stuck in the ceiling.

“Why? Would you feel guilty?

He stood over her then, pouting and frowning, and MC had to stop herself from laughing.

“Okay, you know what? I already said I was sorry. You can’t hold that against me for the rest of your life”

“I will as long as I can get something out of it”

“You’re evil”

“Said the demon”

His head fell face first on the pillow with a thud and if she didn’t know him any better, she’d be worried about him suffocating to death during the night.

“Why did you ask that, tho?” MC finally talked.

“Your heart stopped for a second” he shrugged and mumbled, his hold on her hand stronger than before.

“Oh… Well… Don’t worry. I’m okay”

“Are you sure?”

No, not really, but she didn’t want to talk about it in that moment. Maybe another time, when her speech wasn’t slurred due to sleep and she could organize her thoughts with a clear mind.

She hummed as an answer before speaking one last time.

“Goodnight, Belphie”

“Sweet dreams, MC”

He’d make sure of that.

.

.

MC had been quiet for a while. Not out of sadness nor ire, but something much more private. Something that left her pensive and still, staring into nothing with a serious expression. She laughed and talked with the brothers and, from what he heard, she enjoyed going to the gym with Beel, but Lucifer knew there was another factor escaping his reach.

Whatever it was, it changed MC for the better, so he was happy.

Even when the strangest ideas crossed her mind.

“I think I’m going to cut my hair”

He looked at her, clicking his tongue in disapproval when he saw her sitting sideways in one of the chairs with her feet resting in the other. She had a book resting in her lap. How long had she been looking at him and not reading?

“May I ask why?”

“I need a change”

Lucifer stared, taking his glasses off before crossing his arms over the document he was previously reading. MC got up and walked, zigzagging her way towards his desk as if she was drunk, but she looked as hopeful as ever.

“Did something happen?”

She nodded, ignoring his question right after.

“One of these days I’m just gonna… grab a glass of wine, go to the bathroom and bam! Haircut”

He raised an eyebrow, trying to hide a smile at her words. He hadn’t seen her so playful in months and the sudden change felt like a breath of fresh air.

“Do you even like wine, MC?”

“That’s not the point”

“And you shouldn’t use scissors while drunk, especially near your head” he ignored her “If it’s money you’re worried about, I can pay for a good hairdresser”

She laughed and shook her head, partially sitting on the desk. They stayed silent for a few seconds and Lucifer let himself observe her, how she bit her bottom lip deep in thought and how her fingers intertwined with a certain force. She was probably hurting herself at that point.

“I just really need a change”

He could tell there was more she wanted to say, but that seemed to be enough for the moment. The silence afterwards felt full with comfort.

“That’s fine”

MC nodded and sent him a small smile before going back to the chair, this time sitting with her knees stuck to her chest, but before he could put his glasses on to continue his work, she spoke again.

“Here’s what we’re going to do: I cut my hair in the bathroom and then you take me to the hairdresser to style it. Sounds good?”

“Are you going to drink while using the scissors?”

“I’m not a child, Lucifer”

“Might as well”

“Hey!”

“Just joking” he laughed, but MC could tell there was some seriousness behind his smile.

“I drink wine, I cut my hair and you check I don’t stab myself on accident, how about that?”

Lucifer pondered about it, envisioning himself behind her and watching over her reflection in the mirror, a bottle of wine in the countertop and another of Demonus waiting for them in the music room. She’d be the one to clean the aftermath, that bit was obvious, but something told him she wouldn’t really care about that.

The more he thought about it, the less strength he had to fight it. She could’ve asked Asmodeus or Mammon, but she asked him. MC wanted him to be with her during her progress, as stupid as the method was.

“Sounds like a plan to me, MC”

Her smile at his words was worth millions.

.

.

It wasn’t until several hours had passed that MC wondered if Levi invited her to his room with a hidden motive in mind.

The anime came out less than a day ago and she’d never even seen an ad about it, but he’d thoroughly claimed it was made for her.

And she could see why he would say that, honestly.

Sure, no ancient dying star granted her any mystical powers that allowed her to soar the skies or wear an alarmingly short sparkly dress; and she didn’t have an animal sidekick or a romantic interest that only appeared at night for some reason. She didn’t have an arch nemesis either, but she did have the closest thing.

MC was the selfish one, apparently, because how could she? How could MC have the audacity to ignore her best friend’s messages in her desperate times of need? Her boyfriend broke up with her because he discovered the cheating and no one was there to remind her of feeding the cat, neither to monitor her diet nor to fix the consequences of her bad decisions. She was in the lowest point of her life and MC dared to lose weight and spend time with her new friends? Outrageous!

MC unlocked her phone and stared in silence at the new text and voice messages, as well as some missed calls.

You disappoint me, MC.

After all I did for you?

I’ll die and it’ll be your fault.

I’ll die and I’ll make sure you’re the one to discover my body.

You’ll never be able to forget about me then.

You’re disgusting.

MC stared at the screen, not knowing if she should laugh or cry about it. In the end she chuckled and forced down the sting in her throat.

The TV in front of her suddenly turned into a kaleidoscope and she squinted as the heroine jumped from platform to platform, blasting her wand and singing spells. If she understood correctly, the cheery character was fighting her way through the first big boss of the season, her friends close behind her.

She could feel Levi’s eyes on her, no doubt studying her reactions to see if she liked the anime as much as he did.

“Hey, Henry!”

MC turned to look at him and smiled brightly at his rosy cheeks. She expected him to explain some hidden lore or the meaning behind the soundtrack, but he surprised her with his next words.

“Yeah?”

“I haven’t told you yet, but your hair looks so cool!”

“Oh!” she widely opened her eyes in appreciation, showing her teeth in a beaming smile right after “Thanks, Levi!”

“You look… eh… upgraded. Well, no, not upgraded. Erm…” he avoided her gaze for the next few seconds before pausing the anime, letting the room go back to silence. MC kept quiet, trying not to laugh at his awkwardness so he wouldn’t misunderstand the situation.

“You look really pretty, MC. Even better than her”

Levi nodded at the TV and MC stared at the heroine, the pause conveniently showing her winning pose. Big sparkly eyes winking at her and a knowing smile occupying half of her face, as if she was approving Levi’s affirmation.

MC felt the need to cry right then and there, but she held it in.

Her phone lighted up one last time before she grabbed it and turned it off in anger. She had a couple of seconds before the screen permanently went back to black, letting her read the last message.

Who do you think you are? How could you do this to me?

MC seethed. She knew who she was, even if she was still learning. Her hands itched and she forced herself not to throw the phone on the ground with all her strength. She still needed it to talk to other friends and relatives, after all.

After an entire minute filled with tense silence, MC spoke, suddenly meek and shy.

 “Hey Lev…”

“MC?”

He was staring her with caring eyes, unsure of what to do or what to say.

Fortunately, for the first time in a long while, MC knew what she needed to do. For herself and no one else.

“Would you help me change my phone number?”

She could write down the numbers of those she cared about the most and send a message asking them not to share hers without her permission.

Take care of her arch nemesis without destroying the entire world. Accept the help of people who showed joy at her improvement. Buy new clothes, change her style, cut her hair.

God, walking without that heavy weight on her shoulders would be difficult and painful, but she’d rather die before letting her ex best friend destroy her will and power one last time.

She laughed with a choke and Levi gasped her name.

She was crying.

.

.

.

@ourfinalisation

[impishjesters]

Can you do Jax x reader who has a lot of insecurities about how they look and act in the real world and the digital one? And if not you can just ignore this 💕

Insecurities

warning(s): Jax (only slightly kidding), insecurities, mentioned dark humor to cope, minor bullying (Jax throws Zooble and Dangle under the bus on their appearance) note(s): I'm quickly learning that just like Jax, I'd probably be an awful human being to seek comfort in.. at least words of comfort... A/N: Realized more than halfway through writing that I wasn't sure if the request was separate hc's like knowing him before being yoinked into the digital hellscape and after or not... Feel free to toss another ask though and I can try some pre-digital hellscape hc's...however, I feel like they'd still be pretty similar to the post-digital hellscape reactions.

Jax is probably the last person to talk to when it comes to insecurities, real or digital

One time the topic of what everyone looked like before being sucked into the digital hellscape came up, but not everyone remembered, whether it was because they simply couldn’t remember or because they’d been there too long to remember

Jax’s response is never consistent. In one comment he’ll say he misses having long hair and was 5’4”, and the next comment is how he was actually bald and 5’10”

Now whether that’s him fuckin around or not is anybody’s guess

Currently, he’s got no real beef with his appearance, and he’s unapologetically himself digital or human. Now when it comes to you?

It can go a few different ways depending on how close the two of you are

Right out the gate, he’ll claim whatever toy-like appearance you’ve taken on can’t be any uglier than Zooble, which is like wow, harsh—they aren’t exactly easy on the eyes but that’s still a person with feelings…

He might even throw in a harsh comment about Gangle’s lack of a body, being ya know just ribbons… but hey! At least you have a body compared to her (Jax..that’s not helping..)

See what I said? Not the best person to go to with this sorta stuff

In the beginning, there’s always the gamble he might poke fun at your digital appearance and not really realize till later on that you were insecure about your appearance. (Whether it’s because someone else pointed it out or you flat-out told him.)

The closer the two of you get—friendship or romantic—he’s still an ass but once you’ve confronted him about your feelings and insecurities about your appearance, digital or human he knocks it off.

Nobody’s really voiced their complaints on what they ended up as here, at least not publically…

He’ll try to reassure you that you look fine, likely not understanding how deeply rooted something like insecurities can go and something like a “well I don’t think you’re ugly” isn’t gonna cut it.

Jax isn’t a sweet talker, or rather he doesn’t really sound all that genuine if he does, but he does try to put some emphasis that you really do look fine. (again, sweet but likely not helpful)

Now real world you? He wouldn’t know in the slightest, and while he could lie and say that the description you gave him wasn’t anything to be ashamed of, he’s not gonna do that to you (not that the appearance you gave him sounded ugly or anything).

Jax copes with dark humor and will without a doubt throw out some comment about how you won’t have to be insecure about your human appearance anymore because it’s unlikely any of you are getting out of here. (I’m sorry I’m laughing so hard because that would 15/10 make me laugh, dark humor is how I cope)

It’s not helpful (depending on the individual at least)

Oh! What about now you don’t have to worry about any acne or wrinkles?

Better? But is it really? Eh..

Overall he’s not particularly great at the whole reassurance about your appearance or how you act “I mean have you seen how some of the others act?” (Jax that’s not..helpful), but because you are someone important to him he’ll make the extra effort to listen to exactly what it is your insecure about and if you need him to reassure you he’ll do so

It might sound insincere but that’s just how he talks

On the off chance that you have a really bad day, it tugs at his heartstrings (yeah, he has those), he’ll pull you aside and give you little kisses over those places.

Insecure about something facial-wise? Face kisses.

You end up as a toy with too many legs and not enough fingers? Kisses (maybe not the legs though...)

When in doubt kisses and he’ll let you hug him or whatever, but breathe a word of this to the other’s and he’ll.. I dunno, prank you later or something. He'll have to workshop it.

Back to the act thing, I don’t personally know how someone would be insecure over that—but if you stim or anything of the sort Jax won’t really comment on it, but if someone else does? Poor them because they are about to get on the bunny’s bad side.

Gangle stims and as big of an asshole as Jax is, he’s never made fun of her for it.

[the-laughing-lunatic]

hii! hope it’s not too much trouble, but maybe reader x scout, reader x engie, and reader x sniper - (established relationships with the mercs and reader) the reader doesn’t seem to be very happy lately - something bad that happened earlier in the week must’ve reminded reader of their past. (i really like your posts btw, you’re genuinely a really good writer)

(ahhhhh thx sm! I tried to make it as vague as possible so I hope you like it. Thx for requesting! p.s. I'm workin thru the rest of rqs soon bc school is wrapping up, so rqs may be back open soon :3)  

Scout, Engie, and Sniper w/ a reader who was reminded of their past (ROMANTIC)

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ─── 

☆Scout☆

He feels like something’s off, but doesn’t know what

He wants to try to talk to you about it, ask if you’re alright and everything but he’s never been one for initiating that kind of emotional talk

When he finds you crying in your room though, he feels his heart break that he didn’t help you before

He scoops you up in his arms. “H- hey, doll, why’re you cryin’? Was it something I said?”

(He can’t help but still be a little insecure, you’re the first person he’s dated after all and he wants to do everything right for you)

If you don’t want to talk about it he’ll hold you and go on about how much he loves you so you don’t have to deal with silence

“You’re so perfect, doll, it kills me to see you like this, y’know, watchin’ tears roll down that pretty face of yours. Wish ya never felt the need to cry baby, I love you so goddamn much-”

Yeah he’s crying too, he can’t help it

If you do tell him he’d listen intently

He’d try to make you laugh so you’d stop crying, humor is his coping mechanism and he kinda projects it on you, sorry if that’s not your thing :/

He’ll make sure to give you plenty more affection a while after, youre getting spoiled as hell

☆Sniper☆

He’s not the best with emotions and all that jazz (he has the autism)

But when he finds you crying outside it hits him that something’s wrong

He sits next to you and places his hand on your shaking figure. 

“You okay darl?”

“No.”

“Would you like a hug dear?”

“Please.”

He wraps his arms around you and pulls you tight to him, barely any space between the two of you.

He rubs circles into your back until your crying has settled down. “...you wanna talk about it now, love?”

If you don’t he’ll stay with you and idly trace shapes into your hand, letting you cry it out

If you do tell him he’ll nod empathetically “Oh, love,” he sighs, tilting your chin up to look at the night sky above you two

“Think ‘bout it this way. All those stars up there? The light we see from em’ now is from ages ago, but the actual bloody stars have completely different light.  And jus’ because we can see the light, don’t actually mean that it’s here anymore. Bugger, I’m shit at metaphors. Point is, that’s in the past, an’ even though you might think ‘bout it sometimes its still in the past. And I love ya.”

☆Engineer☆

Notices something’s off immediately, he’s a smart guy after all

Once you two are alone he’ll place a hand on your shoulder and ask you “Are you alright?” in that sweet voice that just makes you burst out into tears

Pats your back and hugs you as you cry “Shh, it’s alright sugar, it’s alright. You wanna talk about it?”

If you don’t want to he’ll scoop you up in his arms (but I’m taller than- yes. He can pick you up too) and get you some warm food

“Y’know, my momma said that a good hot meal is the best after bawlin’ your eyes out. We don’t exactly got anything you’d call a meal right now, but I can fix you up some toast with cinnamon if you'd like, honeybee.”

If you do tell him he’ll reassure you that everything okay

“Honey, I know the past ain’t really ever somethin’ that leaves, but you gotta remember things are alright right now. Stuff from back then can’t getcha, sure it hurts sometimes but you gotta remember things are good right now. And I’m here for you.”

Gives you so many kisses

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ─── 

[flower-boi16]

Bring the thunder down

Well time to give my thoughts on the latest episode.

POSITIVES:

-Seeing callbacks to previous episodes in season 1 was pretty nice

-Holy shit Verosika development? HELL YA!!!! I'm just going to say it; Verosika is the best part of the episode hands down. I like that we get to see a real side of her beyond just being a one-dimensional bitch, her being friendly towards Stolas due to seeing him, and how SHE felt when she was hurt by Blitz.

And she deeply empathizes with people who were also hurt by Blitz and holds this party so people can cope with their experinces for how Blitz damaged them, a place where they can all get together. Viv developing a female character...? That's insane! Verosika feels like an actual person in this episode, not just a one-dimensional bitch.

-We don't get a rushed resolution to Blitz's feud with Verosika like we did for his feud with Fizz, which I am very happy for. I liked how they handled the reletionship between the two here,

-The development for Blitz here is genuienly great...? Like, the episode does a good job of showing him finally realizing how his actions have hurt others, and shows him trying to play victim here in the final scene of the episode before accepting that HE IS THE PROBLEM. And it's now the begining of him finally deciding to grow and become a better person, which is probably going to be a major arc in both season 2 and the rest of the series.

-The characterization here for Blitz is also great. Again it shows him playing the victim here because he's too much of an asshole to accept how he might have hurt others, until he realizes how his actions actually affect those he hurt. He feels genuine remorse now for his actions after the song that Stolas' sings on the stage.

-SPEAKING OF THAT SONG NUMBER; I have some issues with it when it comes to Blitz victim blaming but for the most part it's not bad. The visualls during it look quite nice and the singing is really good. This also serves as a good moment for Blitz as a character; as he sees that actually did, genuinely, have real feelings for him, and it helps Blitz realize all the mistakes he's made throughout his life and how his actions have genuinely hurt others.

-The episode, generally, does a good job of showing how Blitz's actions have hurt others.

-The finale scene in the episode is fantastic. Like I said we get some great development for Verosika and some insight on how she felt when Blitz ran off, characterization for Blitz and growth with him finally realizing his mistakes and the begining of him growing as a person. The voice acting from the two especially sells the emotions in it.

This episode has a suprising amount of good stuff in it when it comes to Blitz and Verosika...unfortunetly there are still some issues.

NEGATIVES:

-Unsuprisingly the Stolas stuff here is awful. The episode constantly frames him as another one of Blitz's victims who was hurt by him which just shows more Stolas victimization. Whopee. The begining scene is especially awful when it comes to this. The thing that really gets me is the line "since when have I ever looked down upoun you", like, dude, YOU CONSTANTLY BELITTLE HIM THROUGHOUT THE FIRST SEASON. OF COURSE HE'S GOING TO THINK YOU LOOK DOWN UPOUN HIM.

And then he says that Blitz is like Striker which is fucking stupid.

(though tbf Blitz is deffiently an ass in this scene so I can get Stolas' perspective to a slight extent, but some of the framming here and dialogue is still questionable)

-Speaking of that begining scene, its...eh. It has the issues with Stolas victimization as I already talked about here but then there's the fact that they used Blitz not telling Stoals about Striker as a way to create cheap drama. YAY! Also this...never gets resolved in the episode btw.

-The stage scene where Stolas sings his "motherfucker" song is good enough in terms of development for Blitz but since Blitz isn't in the wrong here for not believing Stolas loves him it still come across as another instance of Blitzo victim blaming to a slight extent. I already expressed my opinions multiple times about why Blitz is not in the wrong for not thinking that Stolas has real love for him so I'm not gonna repeat myself here, but I'm really sick of the Stolas victimization in this season and I just wish the show would stop pretending that Stolas is the victim here.

-The conversation the two have after the song isn't an awful scene but still shows Stolas victimization. Again, more Stolas victimization and a lot of the dialogue from Stolas here really seems to point to this. Like the scene has Blitz apologize to Stolas and act like the latter deserves better than the former because the former was soooo mean to him UwU, and it just. Ugh. And then the episode has Stolas whine about how he just wants someone to care about him and I'm just like. Viv. You aren't going to make me sympathize with this stupid fucking owl. You just can't.

-The episodes seems to be implying that Blitz has feelings for Stolas...? Huh???? Since when??? And also why does Blitz even have feelings for Stolas to begin with? Like everytime Stolas and Blitz interact Blitz always shows physical discomfort around Stolas, why tf is he suddenely interested in him NOW???

-How exactly was Verosika able to know of Stolas' reletionship with Blitz?

-Blitz decides to go into the party WITHOUT A DISGUISE. Like he takes one eventually but why didn't you bring one to begin with...?

-Is there no one guarding the entrance to this party? Because Blitz should have not able to get in here.

-Blitz comeing in without a disguise doesn't bring any attention for some reason???

This episode was...actually kind of good. Like, I'd say this is probably the best episode of season 2 so far. It mainly suffers from more Stolas victimization and some very weird plot holes and the out of nowhere development of Blitz getting feelings for Stolas but there is genuinely fantastic stuff in here that's good enough to make the episode at least a 7.5/10, hell maybe even an 8. I could forgive a small amount of plot holes if there's enough great stuff in the story and in this episode there is.

So ya, I actually kind of enjoyed this one.

[anonymooseforever007]

Ring Around the Roses

(Alfie Solomons x female reader)

Summary: Attempting to get away from the Shelby party chaos, Alfie and his wife sneak off into Tommy's garden for a little fun. It isn't until the next morning they discover the consequences of their actions and Alfie has to remind his wife what their marriage is really about.

A/N-Hi Y'all! Possible TW's for only the end of this include Mentions of death, Unhealthy coping habits and self blame! Also this is for K's (@runnning-outof-time) 3K celebration! Congratulations you're amazing and I love seeing you on here❤️❤️❤️ I hope you like this! I haven't done a celebration before really but I saw your theme and the idea spring into my head. Despite the warnings it's mostly fluffy until the time skip! Also there's one part that implies smut but none actually written! Enjoy ❤️

WC- 6.6k

Main Masterlist

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"Are you sure we can do this out here?"

"Do what dovey? I'm just taking a nice little stroll with my darling wife aren't I? Letting her get a quiet break from all those heathens inside."

You scoffed, knocking into your husband's side gently as the pair of you walked through the garden. For a man who seemed particularly fond of dark colours, Thomas Shelby's garden was particularly vibrant. 

"Oh hush, you only call them heathens because you're too scared to use the word friend."

"FRIEND!" Alfie scoffed while kicking at a particularly beautifully tulip that just happened to be nearby, just to prove his point. "No no no Dovey, THEY are not my friends, yeah. If I were to pick anyone to be my friend it certainly would not be ANY of them." 

You only rolled your eyes and shot a knowing smirk in his direction. For all your husband's spite and trickery, you knew he really did have a soft spot for the Shelby family.

"Alright love, I believe ya. That's absolutely why you immediately declined the invitation to come here tonight isn't it. Burned it in the fireplace correct? Told me not to put it in the calendar? Because you don't have plans at being anything other than vicious enemies is that right? The pie I brought tonight was a death threat wasn't it? Did you slip in some arsenic into the powdered sugar?"

Rolling his eyes at your teasing, Alfie couldn't help but smile as he watched you laugh at your own joke. Continuing your path through the garden you mindlessly reached back a hand for your husband a few steps behind. A clear indication of what you wanted. What you always wanted. Slipping his hand between yours, he let you drag him through the bushes, further from the party. With each step he could see you relax a bit more, as you enjoyed the scene around you.

"Is it quieter out here Dovey?"

Smiling softly, you only nodded your head before reaching out gently to touch the leaves of a nearby bush. Though the party was fun, it had gotten a bit loud and in the growing chaos you needed some air. So while Tommy and Polly were distracted trying to convince Arthur and Finn not to throw Michael in the lake, you and your husband had slipped outside. 

"Alfie, we should plant a garden of our own I think."

"Is that right Dovey? Does my lady want some bushes of her own to trim doesn't she?"

"I think we could get some nice rose bushes. I've always loved those."

"Roses, is that it? You got a feeling about those prickly little parasites don't ya Dovey? I never got why you liked them."

Chuckling you sat on the edge of a nearby wall as your husband dug his feet in the ground. You knew exactly why Alfred hated roses, and it still amused you to this day. 

It happened years ago, around the time you'd first gotten together. This was before Alfie was even able to grow a beard, and all his kisses resulted in a scratchy scruff that prickled your face. Way back when boxing was still his main pastime instead of "baking", both kinds actually and these days your husband finally knew how to make a decent muffin. In an effort to be romantic, he'd shown up at your work one day with a nice bouquet of roses. They were lovely flowers and you were immensely elated by the gesture, and especially amused since he'd bought the flowers from that very shop only the day before too.... However it was a shame you never got the chance to put them in water. See, somewhere between the ten steps it took to get from the door to your table, he had tripped and fallen flat on the ground. Don't worry, his face hadn't hit the hard ground, it was cushioned....by the thorny roses. Maybe it was a good thing the thorns had left so many bloody scratches. It meant you weren't able to tell his face had turned as red as the roses petals now surrounding him. Instead of the romantic date he wanted to take you on, the evening was spent with you dapping the cuts on his face with a damp cloth while he started at the wall, contemplating every life choice he'd ever made. That was the night Alfred Solomons decided he'd never trust a rose ever again. Not even the ones his darling wife sought to plant in her gardens.

"Alfie, come on! Roses aren't that bad, just because you had a little slip up years ago doesn't mean they all hate you."

Standing by up again, you held out your arms towards Alfie as music began to reach the garden. Shaking his head lightly, he set down his cane and took your arms, fully confident you'd be there to support him if his hip got too bad. You and Alfie had yet to dance tonight, caught up talking with others (which was really just your doing) and pointing out everyone who'd gotten too drunk and was trying piss in the plants. It wasn't something either of your minded to badly, the large crowds of people tended to make you feel a bit nervous and Alfie occasionally had a hard time keeping rhythm because of his hip. So most of your dancing was done in the back corners of the ballroom or privately in your kitchen, waiting for the midnight snacks to be done. 

However tonight, it seems you'd be dancing in Thomas Shelby's garden. Slowly but happily, you waltzed closely with your husband, stepping around the fountain and laughing as he stopped to twirl you ever few seconds. Other than the music from the house and the gentle crunches  of your shoes beneath the gravel path, the world was silent. When the song ended your husband gave you a gentle kiss and stepped back, though he was still holding you in his arms. Looking up above yourselves, you saw the constellations fitting the night sky.

"Ohh Alfie! Look at them! Aren't they beautiful?"

Beaming, you grinned up at the stars twinkling down on you before moving from your husband to a smaller empty plot of ground. You suspected that something was to be planted there soon, but paid no mind to the grime that would get on your skirt as you settled down to sit in the dirt. It was a nice little spot, right next to the rocky path and dug out in a manner that was lined on three sides by tall hedges. To anyone looking out if the mansion, the little alcove would have been completely invisible. 

"What are ya doing now Dovey? Is this the thing you said we shouldn't be doing?" Alfie teased you from where he was still standing.

"I just wanna sit and watch the stars for a bit. Come," remaining seated you patted the spot next to you, "Join me."

Alfie walked over to the spot but when he got there, he only raised an eyebrow at you and tapped his hip with the cane. You stared for a moment and then it clicked. Laughing slightly at your forgetfulness, you stood up, bowing dramatically, and held out your arm. 

"Right right, I forget you have the hip of an overworked, ninety seven year old parlor dancer. Shall I assist you to the ground my dear sir?"

Alfie only grumbled, but his eyes twinkled as you teased him. If anyone else had made the comment they'd have been dead before they blinked, but you were different. Alfred Solomons was capable of many things, but some nights when his hip got bad, he needed help moving around more, especially if it meant going from standing to sitting on the ground. You were happy to help of course, but being married for over a decade didn't mean the pair of you were above lightly poking fun of the other. Only two years ago, you had accidentally scratched part of your eye and needed to wear an eyepatch for five weeks. The first thing Alfie had done when you walked out of the examination room and asked if he could get food for dinner, was reply with "does patchy wanted a cracker" in reference to the one eyed parrot you'd seen in a film the month before. It was just something you'd always done together even before you started dating. A dark humor you both shared, as if joking about the hurt could make it better. 

Holding his other arm, you gently helped your husband lower himself to the ground, squeezing his hand comfortingly when he let out a small groan. After helping your husband take a seat, you settled into your own again, leaning your head on his shoulder as you looked to the heavens. 

"You aren't really gonna plant roses are ya Love? What if something happens to them?"

"Like what? You assault them with your face again?"

"....Maybe? But like why do you really enjoy them? I still don't see the charm."

Sighing, you shifted your gaze and looked your husband in the eyes.  One of your hands moved up to his face, as you gently caresses the one spot on his face that refused to grow hair like the rest of his beard. You knew it was another old war wound, but this was actually one he had yet to tell you the story of. Gazing into his eyes a few moments more, you then changed positions so you were seated across his lap, one leg in either side of his.

"Why do I love roses?....Their petals are as soft as their thorns are sharp and given the right hand, their climb up any wall in their path. Not only that but their petals can have many uses for food or paint or even my blush. That means they are able to change their usefulness based off their situation at hand. They are able to adapt, nor are the helpless. Some people say the point of the thorns is to choke out anything else threatening to take the roses' livelihood." you gently held your husbands face between your hands as you continued, "I like roses because they remind me of you Alfie. Because they are beautiful, and strong, and dangerous. You are a gorgeous and strong man, and I know how badly you try to protect me every day. You are so kind to me, but I know how far you'll go for me. I would go just as far for you. You are my rose Alfred Solomons and so I love them as all they remind me of you."

Alfie was quiet for a moment, observing what you'd said. His hands sat on your waist, thumbs rubbing gently in your sides. 

"You saying I'm like a fucking flower Dovey, is that it?"

"Yeah, you're my flower though."

"....Alright."

"....You know why else you're like a rose love?"

"Why poppet?"

"Because it can be a pain in the ass to keep you alive sometimes."

Alfie only put his hand to his chest in mock offense, while your grinned up at him mischievously.

"Oi, now you better watch your words there Dovey."

"Make me Rosie," you whispered, grinning as your leaned closer to your husbands face, pressing a soft kiss to his jaw.

Gently Alfie leaned back, taking you with him until his back was on the ground. Hands, still on his face, you could feel the smile on his face. Slowly one of his hands moved to your head bringing you down so he could kiss you again. Sweet at first but it quickly increased in passion and vigor. Though eventually you had to pull back for breath, and it was then you realized his hands had already rearranged your skirts in a way overnight you both.

"Alfred? I know we can't do this out here?"

Your husband only laughed, reaching towards his belt as he pulled you close again.

"Slide down a bit farther and I think you'll see we definitely can Dovey. It's only a matter of being quiet enough to evade capture."

It was a nice little spot, right next to the rocky path and dug out in a manner that was lined on three sides by tall hedges. To anyone looking out if the mansion, the little alcove would have been completely invisible. And luckily, the music was loud enough to hide the sounds of rustling bushes...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It wasn't until the next morning when you realized what went wrong...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After making it back to the house last night and finding half the dog food "mysteriously missing", the pair of you had decided to call it a night. And since business was going so well Alfie had elected to take a few days off, hoping to spend more time with you. It also meant he'd finally be able to sleep in.....or so he thought.

A sudden crash woke Alfie from his slumber the next morning. 

Shooting up, he automatically looked to his right, and his heart stopped for a moment realizing you weren't there. Another clatter from downstairs and a frustrated scream from you had him practically jumping out of bed and grabbing his gun. You usually like staying in bed for a few more hours, especially when he was there, so the fact he could hear your distress from upstairs made him worry. 

Carefully Alfie snuck down the hall, peaking in rooms to make sure no unsavory figures were lurking behind the door. Another annoyed groan accompanied by various curse words hurried him to his final destination. 

"Love, are you alright?"

It was a stupid thing to ask as you were very much not alright. The kitchen was a mess, looking like every cabinet had been opened and all the contents pulled out. Pots and bass were laud hurriedly across the counters as you rummaged through every nook and cranny. A quickly glance into the living room told Alfie it was scattered in a similar state. But you hadn't responded to your husband, not the first time or even the second. It wasn't until Alfie stepped right up behind you, putting his hand on your shoulder, and turning your around to face him when you responded.

"I can't find it."

Your voice wavered as you admitted the truth. Looking down like a small child about to be told off, you averted your face from your husband's. Alfie was still confused, but he could tell whatever you were rallying about was obviously important.

"Can't find what Dovey? Whatever it is it's probably isn't too bad. I can help ya find it righty?"

"No Alfie you don't undertstand."

"Then help me understand Love. Let's get through this together like we always have yeah? Come on, tell your husband what we're looking for." Carefully cupping your face in his hands, Alfie guided you to look at him again. He could see the tears welling in your eyes as you spoke.

"....I.....I lost my wedding ring Alfie."

"Oh."

It was the simple oh that broke the dam. Stepping back from your husband, tears began to stream down your face as you shoved your fingers in you hair as if trying to hold in the stress.

"SEE I told you it was terrible. I...I woke up this morning and went to the bathroom and noticed it missing when I went to clean my hands. I figured I'd just taken it off la... last night but it wasn't by the bed table like I usually put it. Then I went through the bathroom and it wasn't there. I've gone through every room in this hours and I can't fucking find it!!! I don't ....I don't know where it is Alfie. I just... oh god." 

Covering you mouth with your hand, you realized where you lost the ring. 

"Alfie the fucking garden."

"The garden? Love you haven't made the garden yet, how could it be there?"

"No, TOMMY'S garden. It has to be there. It fell off last night when we were rolling in the dirt. I've been meaning by to get it resized. Oh fuck this is awful"

Alfie actually chuckled at your realization. Of course the ring would fall off in the most inconvenient place possible, but he wasn't about to tell you that.

"Thats alright Dovey we can just..."

Throwing your hands in the air you interrupted your husband, frustrated at yourself for a number of reasons. It stung Alfie's heart to see you like this. Carefully he dragged your hands from your face and pulled you into a hug. Soothingly his hands ran up and down your back as he tried to comfort you.

"We can just what Alfred? Waltz back over and demand he let us dig up the plants for it? He'd probably ask why and what are we suppose to say then huh Alfred? Oh you know, we lost it in the garden you see...Well what were you doing there Y/N? ...Nothing much just fertilizing the soil, pollinating the flower, playing like the rake and ho, rustling the bushes, sowing seed in the garden, FUCKING IN THE FLOWERBEDS!!!! No we can't do that Alfie we just can't! It's probably gone forever... I'm so sorry."

Alfie was the one to hide his face this time. He knew you were in distress but he was amused by one of your last sentences. You always were good with the innuendos. Pinching the bridge of his nose, he tried to get you to calm down. He knew at this point you weren't so mad about the ring, as just overwhelmed by the lack of success you'd had in finding it.

"Yes love, we can tell him all those things and if he'd got any sort of romantic bone in his tiny, banged up little body he'd offer us shovels to dig if we need them. And if not then I'd wager every deal I'd ever have with his lot is out the fucking window isn't it. We've been married since before the little one of them was teething haven't we? It's not like they don't think we're fucking. Besides it's a decent fucking garden, Tommy should have know what he was doing when he made that little hidey spot didn't he? It'll be fine. And if I find it then I'll get to propose to you all over again won't I? I think if I got one wish left in the word it would be to do that again. Ask if you'd be mine forever and let you know I'll always be there. Love I promise. It's alright Dovey, it's ok. No need to get worked up about it's not such a big deal."

Thought he was trying to help, his last sentence only made things worse. Stepping pack from Alfie you threw your hands up again.

"IT IS OUR MARRIAGE ALFIE! And I've practically lost it like it means nothing at all! How can you say that!"

There it was. The really reason you were so worked up. Not because you'd lost the little ring. It was because somewhere in your mind, over the years you'd been together, you'd gotten the idea that if you didn't have it on your were almost betraying everything you held dear. As if you thought without the ring, all the vows you'd mad together were nil. Alfie couldn't help but laugh at that. He laughed hard too, like you'd told the funniest joke in their world. 

"You think that ring is our marriage?"

Stepping closer again Alfie took your arms and pulled you closer.

"Our marriage is so much more than that fucking ring love," he said, cupping your face between his hands again. "Our marriage is me stealing Ollie's shirt before every lunch date because his is cleaner than mine and wanna look my best for the best, that's you by the way. It's you grinning at me through the glass window at fuck O'clock in then morning when I've taken the dog out for a piss since you thought it'd be funny to lock me out in the cold in my fucking skeevies again. It's me paying a fuck ton of money to the flower shop down the street so you could get a rose every week I was away fighting. It's you spending hours patching me up after I had a bad fight even though blood makes you gag yeah. When you refuse to give me dinner until I give you a kiss and when I won't give you a gift until I've gotten a hug? Sharing a bath after a hard day? That's our marriage. You interrupting my meeting because you're so excited to show me a new book? Me interrupting your book club because I've just gotten back from a business trip? You demanding I come to bed and cuddle up, only to shove me off of you later when you're too hot? Me tightening jars in the pantry so you have to get me to open them? Making fun of each other's injuries, patchy? Don't you see it? You. Me. You. Me. You. Me. WE."

"Alfie..." You couldn't help but smile at your husband's words realizing he was right.

"Dovey, It isn't defined by a thin piece of metal with a tiny fucking stone that I stole off a rich toff at a boxing match one day. Our marriage is YOU and ME and every little moment in between. And I promise it's always gonna be just that. And do you know why that is Treacle?"

Alfie had moved his hands again, now resting them on your hips. Gazing at you lovingly he waited for your answer.

"Why Ally?"

"Because I'm your flower remember? I'm your fucking rose.... and you're fucking my sunshine, Dovey. I have no chance of living without you."

Wrapping your arms around your husband, you buried your face into his neck. Losing the ring you'd worn almost every day for years didn't seem so criminal anymore. 

"Alfred Solomons when did you learn to say something so romantic."

Your husband only chuckled as he step away, grabbing some of the boxes you'd pulled out in your panic. 

"A master never reveals his secrets Dovey. Now come on. Let's clean this up and then we'll go get you a new ring eh? Wouldn't want any gangly miscreant thinking they've got a chance with you would we?"

Looking at the damage you'd done, you couldn't but sigh, maybe it would have been better to wake your husband immediately before diving head first into your expedition. Now you were kicking yourself since you'd just redone all the work you'd don't last week reorganizing every thing.

"I'm not sure the jewellery shop will still be open today by the time we finish Alfred. I'm not even sure we'll be able to finish this in a week with the mess I've made."

Your husband just bonked you lightly with the broom he handed you and nudged you in the direction of the living room.

"That's alright Dovey. Because unless you've got some nefarious little plans I haven't heard of to steal my dog and run off, I don't think either of us is going anywhere anytime soon aren't we?"

You could only smile and kiss him on the cheek.

"I suppose you're right. We've got all the time in the world...."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Two years later...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Shelby, I want my dog."

The Shelby in question turned around, eyeing the woman before him. He knew this day would come. Only he expected it to be sooner, a few days, maybe even a week later...but now it was four months. Four months since he....despite his feelings towards the man, Tommy couldn't help but feel slight regrets for what he'd done. Especially seeing the state of her now, standing in his garden.

"He's just gone on a walk with Charlie and Finn. They should be back in an hour or so."

"I'll wait... I see you filled in that empty plot of ground. They're lovely flowers, I don't remember them being there two winters ago."

Tommy averted his gaze to the bushes you were pointing at. Indeed the small alcove where you'd hidden with your husband had been filled. In its place grew a thick rose bush, blooming with life. You smiled, and to anyone else, they might have thought your look truthful. And some of it was, thinking of the happy memories connected there. But Tommy could see deeper than that. Behind the smile he could see the same pain he had when he looked in mirrors. The pain that came from losing the thing you loved most. For as different as you both were, he knew the tactic you played, though the mask you wore was much brighter than his. And for now he decided he could respect that. He could pretend just for a moment, if only to help you. It was the least he could do, seeing as he was the reason you wore it... He was the one to pull the trigger.

"You're right. The gardener put them in almost two years ago, right after the party where Arthur and Finn tossed Michael into the lake. Do you remember that one? I saw you talking to my sister but never saw you leave that night."

A genuine chuckle left your mouth hearing his words. You played with the ring on your left hand. Only two years old and very expensive, but in that moment, it felt like you were wearing another ring again. One that was much older and worn, that you hadn't seen in years. 

"I do. That was certainly a night I'll remember forever. It's a shame you got rid of that little alcove. It was a nice little spot away from the world wasn't it."

Tommy could only nod and take another drag of his cigarette.

"Did Alfie ever tell you about the first and last time he gave me roses in person. I mean, of course he probably didn't and I'll have to tell you sometime, but I think you might find it funny. There's a lot about him I'm sure he hasn't told you. But then again, knowing him there's probably a lot he did..." You trailed off, staring at the flowers a bit longer, remembering that day over a decade ago, not really meaning to tell Tommy that, doing so anyway. After all, no one had heard from you in months, so it made sense to him, that you'd be eager to talk to anyone. Even the man you should hate most in the world.

Silence descended on the pair standing tense in the garden. There was so much to be said, but neither knew where to start. Truthfully, you'd only talked to Tommy a handful of times, but he felt like he'd already known you like his sister. He couldn't help but scoff, thinking of all the times Alfie had gone off on a tangent about you during a meeting. Sometimes, your mention had nothing to do what was being discussed at all, Alfie just liked to brag about the good he had. In the end it was Tommy who spoke up first, the guilt of his past actions finally caving in on him.

"Y/N, I'm sor..."

"Don't. Thomas, I don't want you to say sorry," turning from the vibrant blooms, you faced the capped man. "I don't want you to say sorry, because you know what? I don't blame you. You're completely alright. I'm not mad at you.... It's my fault I suppose. I could have stopped it."

Tommy raised his eyebrow, curious to what you meant, and also concerned. There was something in your eyes that made his stomach turn slightly hearing those words. But he couldn't exactly place why.

"What's that suppose to mean Y/N?"

You only let out a bittersweet laugh and stared out into the garden again, sitting on the edge of a familiar fountain before you revealed the truth.

"It's my fault he's gone I think. I should have known. I should have never left that day and I could have stopped it."

Tommy's brows furrowed as he sat down next to you. 

"What's that mean? You couldn't have known what his plan was? It's not your fault."

Absentmindedly, you picked at the leaves of a nearby bush. Though your voice was even, Tommy could practically see the war inside your head.

"It's how he kissed me when I left that day. I was only going to be gone a few days to visit my friend who was suppose to have her baby soon. Nothing dangerous. But it's the way he kissed me that should have tipped me off. He kissed me the way he did when he got on the damed train, in that damned uniform. He kissed me like he didn't think he'd see me ever again, going to die in the war. And I guess he didn't."

Tommy didn't say anything. He just let you continue. Something in his head told him, he needed to let your speak, he needed to keep you here tonight. If he let you leave today, no one would ever see you again and something in Tommy told him not to let that happen.

"You know I still haven't admitted it to myself just yet... The truth," standing up you began to pace around the fountain, circling the water. "Since I first got the call I haven't picked up the phone anymore, I'm scared of what I'll hear. I haven't opened any letters, because I don't want to see what they'll say. I still haven't even gone home yet. I've been paying for a hotel room by my friend's house and only leaving by when I need more food. I know it not good for me, but it's all I can find I can do. I've been telling myself it's just that. He's gone to the war again and he'll be back in a few months." Though you spoke with a smile as if talking about the weather, it was easy to see the pain in your eyes. You thought denying the truth would make the hurt go away. But it wouldn't, Tommy knew it was only a matter of time before you broke. And like with Cyril, he felt like he was the one who needed to help. So he decided to play along for now, letting you keep your act up. Atleast until he could figure out the best way to fix the mess he still felt he'd made.

"You tell yourself it's the war eh? Do you write him letters."

"Yes, I write him one almost every day. But I haven't sent any. Did you know that I was rarely able to send them to him during the war. Something about his post being secretive, and no one should know where it really was. So I'd just... write a letter everyday and when I got a letter that his squad was resting at a safe camp every few months I'd just send the packet of them.... If I was lucky I'd get one back, but most of the time I just had to wait. I learned a lot about waiting then. I learned it was better to laugh too. Laughing helped me stay sane."

Standing up, Tommy began walking with you as you stepped deeper into the gardens.

"Laughing eh? Well I guess it's better than what I did. Almost drunk myself to the grave and then fucked off in a caravan with my son for a month. Seems you're handling it better than me."

You could only scoff at his response.

"Oh don't worry, there's been plenty of drinks for me too. I'm a happy drunk though, so I guess it helps my plan. After all, as long as I'm laughing, I don't have time to cry. I don't think I'll be able to stop crying the day I begin. So I'm just trying to hold off as long as I can."

"Aren't we all."

Silence fell in the garden again, and the two widowed souls walked back to the house. It was starting to get back and Tommy had noticed Finn's car pull up a few minutes ago. When you reached the back door you were met with a fluffy beast knocking you over as soon he'd caught sight of you. Cyril was happy to have at least one of his masters back. The man taking care of his now treated him well, but he still missed life with his old owners, even if he couldn't express it in words. 

While you reunited with Cyril and applauded Charlie on the tricks he taught the dog, Tommy went to gather some of Cyril's things and have Francis prepare a room for you. Tommy had no clue where you'd take the dog, but seeing as you seemed adamant about staying away from Margret, and apparently didn't despise Tommy (somehow), he thought it made sense to let you stay the night for a bit. And something still told him to convince you to stay even if just for one day.

On his was back down the stairs he noticed something sitting on the table and there was a click in his brain. He remembered the curiosity brought to him that morning during breakfast, and suddenly a lot of odd business meetings made sense. He finally realized who'd messed up the empty dirt patch that night two years ago. Grabbing the object off the table, Tommy headed back to the drawing room. Inside you were still petting your beloved dog, even though Finn had taken Charlie to get ready for bed. 

"Y/N, I went up to grab some of Cyril's things, but I think it may be better for you to spend the night here. It's getting late and I don't think either of us wants the dog getting hurt if you were to crash."

You laughed gently at his words, not caring to ask about the hand behind his back. Not thinking much about his words, you accepted his offer. You knew you should be mad at him, hate him, even what to kill him, but you couldn't. You were too tried to be mad at anyone right now. Besides, it wasn't like you knew where you were going anyway. You just wanted to see your...his dog again. Maybe if you had that little piece left, it would make it easier to move on. It would make it easier to pretend you weren't alone now.

"Alright. I'll stay. But only so Charlie can give Cyril a proper goodbye. I'd hate to tear them apart, it seems they've made close friends."

"They have," Tommy smiled, genuinely happy thinking of how closely his son had bonded with the dog. "Cyril's stuff is in Charlie's room now infact. They've taken such a liking, I can't keep them apart. We can get his stuff tomorrow, but I do have one thing I think you may want now."

You looked towards the Shelby man curious. "What is it?," you questioned.

Silently Tommy extended his hand to give you the object he'd snagged from the table.

It was a single rose... But something was different about it. The stem seemed to have grabbed something buried within the dirt to take along as it began to grow. Twisting and turning all the way out of the dirt, outwards towards the sun, as if offering the shiny object up. An ages old promise from the rose to the sun of an endless truth, never broken even in death...

The rose was offering his sun a ring.

And not just any ring. A wedding ring. Simple and worn, it had been stolen off a rich toff from a boxing match many years ago. It had survived work and war, seen blood and lust, and so many other things. And while the ring didn't define the marriage it represented a promise you thought you'd never see again. But here now, seeing how tightly the rose stem had grown around it, you knew you'd never have to worry about that again. Not even death could stop the love the rose proposed to his sun. Even in death he'd still offer her life.

You couldn't even take the rose from Tommy's hand before you finally broke. Laughing at the irony, Tears streamed down your face as you sunk to your knees, all the pain you'd been bottling up coming out. And thus you sobbed, hard. So hard in fact, it felt like you couldn't breathe. And you sobs were still mixed with laughter of disbelief as a million memories ran through your head, but none as loud as the one of that night and the morning after. 

Two years ago you'd lost that ring. Alfie promised that he'd look multiple times whenever he went back to the house, even if it meant having the meeting in the garden like "a bunch of prissy ladies at a fucking tea party" as he'd called it. And for two years he'd had no luck until now. But today, your rose had finally found the lost ring, even if you'd lost him months ago. 

Setting the rose gently on the table, Tommy sunk to his knees too. Letting you grab onto him, for a shoulder to mourn on. He knew you needed it. For so long you'd shut yourself away, denying the truth and trying to act like it didn't affect you. You wanted to pretend your world wasn't falling apart and now you couldn't any more. He'd been he same way, except he didn't have anyone to help him. He couldn't burden his one year old son with his grief and he knew most of his family still resented Grace to some degree. They hadn't been as destroyed by her passing as he had. He didn't want you to be alone like he had. For as many terrible thing as Tommy had done, he couldn't bring it upon himself to leave you alone now. And so he sat on the floor, holding you in his arms as the cracked dam finally broke. 

That night, until the early hours of the morning, Thomas Shelby sat comforting the wife of the man he'd killed. And he would until she'd fallen asleep, finally worn out from her grieving. In the morning he'd offer breakfast and they'd get to talking about the loves they lost. They were still both hurt and broken and mourning what they'd lost, but they weren't alone now. For two people so different they both knew what the other felt so deeply. Little snippets and stories about happier times, while watching a little boy play with a big dog, laughing as the pair rolled in the grass. And while both still grieved, there was a peace to be found in being with someone who knew how they felt. 

And while they talked, Y/N played with the ring on her finger. It was new and expensive and fit just right. This one was only two years old and didn't have many memories but she loved it just the same. And upstairs by her bed sat another ring, but this one was held tightly by a rose she'd placed in a vase. This was the ring that she loved more, and the one she really wanted to wear, but she couldn't bear to tear it from the rose just yet. She didn't know if she'd ever be able to. Maybe she'd let the rose dry out and preserve it like she use to do someone's at the flower shop when she was young. But for now she's let it live as it was.

Holding on tightly to a promise that not even death could divide...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

While all this happened a mailman was headed towards Birmingham with a letter from a dead man, asking about his dog and looking for his wife....

[teddy06writes]

Lost Words

Alfie Solomons x gn!autistic!reader

Warnings: I guess the way I describe readers feelings/emotions? (all based on personal experience)

Prompt: I had a bad day at work, and this is a coping mechanism

Premise: After a long day at work stress you out to the point of shutting down, Alfie helps you calm down.

{I swear I'm gonna write hurt comfort for Alfie with the roles reversed I just need more motivation}

{also I'm thinking of doing an Alfie fic based on Much Ado About Nothing if anyones interested in that}

From where you were hiding inside your blanket cocoon, you heard the door to the house creak open, and Alfie calling to you that he was home. Cyril, who had been leaning against you, let out a whine, and shuffled to all but slide off the bed, before trotting off to greet his other owner.

You sighed, squeezing your eyes shut and trying to burrough further into the blankets. What only seemed to be a moment later, you heard Alfie entering the room, still cooing at Cyril.

"You alright my dove?" His voice was surprisingly gentle, coming from somewhere near the foot of the bed.

You couldn't find it in yourself to respond, and you heard him move closer, before he was gently pulling the comforter away from your head, humming worriedly, "Dove?"

You peeled your eyes open to find him peering down at you, concerned etched onto his face. Alfie's hand reached out to brush hair from your face, almost automatically before he caught himself, muttering, "RIght- sorry, love, sorry..."

He ran a hand over his beard, "You're havin' a quiet day then? Lost all your words cause of work, hm?"

Slowly you nodded, and he hummed again, muttering something to himself before disappearing from your field of vision. When he reappeared a moment or two later he'd stripped down to his shorts and undershirt, and began to gingerly climb into bed beside you, careful not to touch you.

"You just take your time then, love, and when you get all your words back you can tell your Alfie what's going on, yeah, dove?"

Alfie waited patiently, looking at you, not quite expectantly, but with some sort of reverence you couldn't place. Slowly, one of your hands snuck out from where it had been tucked firmly under your chin, to grab his hand where it rested on the mattress.

When you looked back up at him in aprehension, he seemed to understand, nodding, "'s alright, love."

You squeezed his hand tightly, and he squeezed back, albeit a bit more gently. It was times like this that you felt you could never truly express how grateful you were to have Alfie, who seemed to be the only person who ever truly understood you complex feelings, and never misunderstood what you meant just because you were 'wired different'.

Slowly you worked your way closer to Alfie, until he was able to wrap his arms around you, squeezing you just tightly enough to provide relief from the itch that had worked its way under your skin. You buried your face in his chest, absently running your fingers over the soft fabric of his undershirt.

"That's it love," He murmured, his chest rumbling, "You just take your time, my dove. Aflie's got ya."

Eventually, when you would find your voice returning, you would tell Alfie about your day, rambling on about the good and the bad about how it all became to much, and he would listen. But for now, you were content with laying in comfortable silence, the two of you lost in your own little world.

[starrclown]

I have 3 differing opinions on Hazbin Hotel scenes than what I used to and I didn't wanna make a individual post explaining it so let's go over these all together.

What were talking about:

Loser Baby

Angel's Sa + Sir Pentious

The Vees being evil.

Triggerwarning for Sa and Rape.

First let's get loser baby put of the way. I was kinda critical on that song cause it felt like Husk was telling Angel to get over being under Valentino and to indulge in his bad behaviors.

My opinion has changed. Honestly I don't think that's what the song was trying to say but I understand why me and other felt like it did. Angel's dialoge before that song makes much more sense before the song.

I like the song. It's catchy and sounds good. I like it alot more than what I used too. While I know what it's trying to say, I think it had akward execution.

Next is Angel's Sa.

I never really talked about Angel's SA because I'm not a SA survivor and my opinion shouldn't be used in this argument. The only time I remember critiquing Angel's SA ans hypersexuality is when he says "This body was made to be exploited!"

Yeah I still think this line was gross.

I remember people argued that Angel was using that line as humor to cope. Honestly that's really intresting and can work. Thing is that's it's not played as joke. Charlie says she wouldn't want to exploit Angel and then Angel says this line and then everyone looks uncomfortable.

Like this line can work as Angel joking to cope but the scene doesn't play it like that. Maybe we're supposed to laugh at it but 1. Objectively I don't think it was funny and 2. Shouldn't the characters have a reaction that's not uncomfort?

Like if someone brought it up in the show like Husk or Vaggie that it was a dark joke and ask Angel if he was okay then I believe it could work but the scene isn't like that.

If your a SA survivor feel free to way in cause this is my only opinion on Angel's SA and your opinion is more important than mine here.

Part 2 to this. Sir Pentious.

The scene where Sir Pentious gets dragged into a room to have sex against his will is gross. If you have an entire episode dedicated to supporting SA survivors why the fuck would you add a scene where Sir Pentious gets SA'd? You did this with Moxxie and it wasn't cute. That scene with gross and no one can change my mind. Ew.

Last one is gonna be longer. The Vees being evil.

I made a post a while ago saying that liking Velvette and Vox is completely fine because their better than Valentino. People in the comments argued that their all equally evil and I'm not superior for liking Velvette and Vox more.

This is something I don't exactly agree with. People in the comments were correct on some things. Velvette and Vox enable Valentino. They stick around with Valentino. Velvette made the date rape drug with Valentino. Velvette abuses her modles. Vox litteraly hypnoitises people. Are Velvette and Vox disgusting and vile? Yes. Are they as bad as Valentino? I say no. Ya know why? Their not rapists.

I think Vox and Velvette are disgusting people who are horrible for putting up with a rapist. They are evil. No arguing that. But Vox (not Velvette because she made the date rape drug) isn't on the level of Valentino because he's not a rapist. Valentino is.

If you think the Vees are equally evil then that's fine. My opinion is that Velvette and Vox are only a little better because again, they didn't rape anyone. Velvette is gross for making that date rape drug though.

Okay now that we got that out of the way let's talk about this tweet I saw on here (saw it on someone's blog) because it appuled me.

I'm aorry what? Valentino, the rapist, Velvette, the woman who abuses her models and helped Val make the date rape drug and, Vox, the man who is romantically involved with the rapist, are Karen, Gretchen, and Regina?

I'm sorry huh?

Those two groups are NO WHERE near each other. Regina, Gretchen, and Karen are mean high-school bullies. VALENTINO IS A RAPIST. Comparing Valentino to Karen, a airhead teenager who bullies people with her friends, is so weird to me.

Like why the Mean Girls? I know Viv is trying to make a comparison but I think it's weird as fuck.

"The Vees are just mean girls." No. No their not. Their disgusting demons rotting in hell.

This is on the same level as Valentinos voice actor saying Valentino is bubbles codded.

I just wanted to make this post cause while I am critical of Hazbin Hotel, I think I was wrong for some of my opinions and I'm willing to admit my mistakes.

If you have a differing opinion, be respectful in the comments to me and people who don't agree with you.

- ⭐️StarClown⭐️

[littlepadika]

hi friend!! i absolutely love your fics. especially the daddy/papi ones (i’ve read them all so many times!!!) would i be able to request some daddy joel little reader fluff please! 🤍🤍🤍

hehe me was talking bout dis idea with @littlebirdsbookshelf. Kinda angsty but ends soft and fluffy i pwomise. Takes place after encounter with the infected. I hope you wike i wrote all in one go!

Warnings: big emotions, ddlg, fem little

It was hard living in the QZ and being little. It was hard living in this fucked up world and still trying to be playful. Joel knew you sometimes let big emotions and fear come out when you were little. Things in the past that he couldn't change. He wished he could protect you from it all. Wish he could go back in time and make it right.

Violence was how many people around here coped. It wasn't unusual for someone to punch someone else in broad daylight or pull guns on each other. It was a tenuous peace among the residents. The latest attack near the border had everyone on edge. No more search parties for a week so rations were running low.

"We can't go baby I'm sorry." Joel tried to explain for the third time. He sat you down on the couch.

"But why?" you pouted. You woke up with your bag all ready to go for a sunday hike. It was something you looked forward to every week.

"They're not lettin' anyone out right now. It's not safe."

"pcuz of me" you clamped your eyes shut.

"No..." Joel frowned, rubbing your arm. "Because of those scary monsters."

To Joel's dismay you started crying and balling your fists up. He knew you wanted to scream in frustration but you were holding it in like a good girl. Like he told you. You can't scream anymore. Draws too much attention.

Joel knew this feeling too. When the weight of everything got too much and started to spill over. He used to take pills or drink the feeling away but he knew it wasn't healthy. One time he even punched a wall which gave him scars over his knuckles to this day. Eventually people just go numb from the anger. They walk around the QZ like zombies. Joel fears them more than the infected beyond the border.

"Are you angry?" Joel asked, feeling panic stir in his belly. You were having big girl emotions.

You nodded quickly. Having trouble keeping it all in you started pushing joel's chest weakly and head butting his chest. You were not trying to hurt him but trying to get your anger out. You pressed your lips together and exhaled hot air that felt like you were breathing fire.

"Here petal..." Joel looked around before grabbing pillow from behind you. "Here punch this, baby. Get all that anger outta ya."

"But- but pillow" You paused, not wanting to hit your comfort object.

"It's okay. Pillow can take it. Let pillow help you." Joel kissed the top of your head before guiding your fist to the soft pillow. It was a little flat from you carrying it around but it still absorbed the blow.

You gave it a weak hit, then another, then another. Pretty soon you were hitting it with as much strength as you could muster. You felt your frustration build but it felt kinda good. Hot tears landed on your fists as they hit the pillow. The pillow and lumpy couch cushion damped the sound into little thuds. Daddy joel's body made a safe coccoon where you could let all your emotions out. His arms bracketing you as you punched. You leaned forward till your head was almost touching his chest. Thump. Thump.

"That's it. Let all those big emotions out, baby." Joel whispered feeling his own tears sting his eyes. He wanted to do more but he just watched you keep going until you were panting.

You imagined all the scary things in the world and punching them one by one like daddy joel would do. You imagined punching through a thick door that was blocking you and daddy joel from the light.

"Come on, baby. Show daddy what you're feeling. Good girl." He urged you on. Proud of how you were letting yourself feel everything.

"Hmmf hmmf" You grunted with each punch. You were getting tired and as you got tired the sadness sunk in. This world was so mean. You looked up at daddy with tears still pooled in your eyes and melted under his warm empathetic gaze.

"Are you all done, petal? Oof-" He caught you as you jumped into his lap. "Aw it's okay. That was scary huh?"

"M-mhm" You were shaking a little.

He rubbed your back as you cried silently, hiccuping from being out of breath.

"I gotcha. You're safe. Ain't nothin gonna happen." He whispered into your hair.

"Da-daddy..." You croaked sniffing his t shirt. You looked up puckering for a kiss which joel happily bestowed. He kissed your lips then around your tear streaked face.

"Feel better?" He asked after a moment.

"Ya." You sigh. He rocks you in his arms until your breathing slows.

"I'm sorry we can't go hiking, petal. But I'm sure we can have fun exploring around here. We haven't done an i spy with stuff 'round here."

"Here is bo'ing." You sniffle. You pull pillow into your lap and stroke it as if trying to smooth out areas you punched.

"Oh it most certainly ain't." Joel chuckled. "Have you seen all the treasures around here. I'm sure I saw some old tea cups by the laundry. An i know you been wantin' to play tea time with april!"

"Der is?" You perk up, wiping your eyes.

"Mhm why don't we go find it, huh?" Joel suggests, his spirits lifting.

You get your hiking bag and trail snacks packed up like it was a regular hike. Joel wrote down a list for you to play i-spy. Even though it was only around the QZ it still was fun. And you did find some lightly chipped sky blue tea cups. Daddy washed them up for you and set it up like a real tea party!

"Daddy come." You point at the chair next to you.

"Why thank ya for invitin' daddy."

"Mhm daddy always welcome." You nod, pouring him some 'tea' (it was lemonade and honey that joel warmed up). You did a good job and didn't spill.

"Good job with that petal." he praised. "Well let's see here... i think we should start it off with a toast to you petal for being a brave girl and a smart girl findin' all the things on i-spy." He held up his cup.

"Fankie." You grin. "Thankie to daddy for letting me have big emotions and not be angy." You clinked glasses with him.

"I love that you have big emotions, petal." Joel smiled. "It's what's gonna save this messed up world I reckon."

~~~~~~~~

Daddy masterlist

[normal-internet-user]

BARRIER

♡~~♡~~♡~~♡~~♡

Pt: 2

Summary: You have a talk with Raph on the roof of your apartment from the othetside of a brick wall.

Warnings: Swearing, smoking on Reader's part, and dark humor.

Requested: Nope!

GN Reader!

.........................................

You let out a sigh as you leaned against the cold brick wall on the roof of your apartment complex.

You had just gotten off the phone with your dad, and now you really needed a cigarette.

You pulled the pack out of your jacket pocket, taking one of the cancer sticks and lighting it.

You had tried to quit before, it never really worked, god addiction was a bitch. You sighed in ectasy as you breathed in the nicotine.

"Fuck my life." you muttered lowly as you looked out over the city. You closed your eyes as you listened to the busy streets below. Ah, New York, the city that never sleeps.

You rubbed your temple with a groan, sometimes yoh just wish it could be quiet. But you lived in a city for gods sake, it was never quiet.

You didn't hate it here though, on the contrary, you loved New York, city life was just a pain sometimes.

You took another drag of your cigarette, blowing the smoke skyward as you pondered your earlier conversation.

Why the hell did your dad feel the need to be such an ass? He was always belittling you and your accomplishments.

Well you should have done this. Why didn't you do this. You should try to do this.

It's exhausting!

"No wonder, Mom left." you muttered grumpily.

You looked skyward with your eyes closed, peeking one open when you heard a noise on the other side of the brick wall.

You strained your ears, trying to listen for more sounds. You sat up when you heard someone grumbling under their breath.

"Stupid brothers... Don't know what the hell they're talkin about."

You looked at the wall curiously, listening to them grumble. Should you say something? Maybe peek over the wall?

You leaned back against the wall, taking another puff from your cancer stick.

"Family trouble?" You said, trying to gain the attention of whoever was on the otherside of the wall.

"Who's there?"

You flicked the ash off your cigarette, chuckling lowly, "Relax hotshot, I ain't gonna hurt ya. I'm over the wall. Just figured it be nice to talk to someone who's also got some family issues."

You heard a thump, letting you know that mystery man had sat down.

"My question still stands. Who's there?"

"(Name). I'm (Name). And who exactly am I playing therapist for?"

You heard him chuckle, you could hear his smile in the sound, 'Cute', "The name's Raph."

"Well, Raph, what exactly has you panties in a twist, huh?"

Raph huffed, and began to rant about his older brother. Leonardo, you learned his name was as you sat and listened.

You snuffed out your cigarette, then pulled another from the pack. Chain smoking was a bad habit of yours.

Raph stopped his rant, and you heard him sniff, "Are you smoking?"

"Hey, people cope in different ways my friend. Besides quiting this shit is about as easy as catching a fly with chopsticks." you chuckled, blowing the smoke skyward.

Raph snorted, "Fair enough I guess. but you'd be surprised how easy it is to catch a fly with chopsticks."

"Oh, really? you ever done that?"

"Sure have, with reflexes like mine it's easy as pie."

You laughed, "Ohoho, you sure are tootin' your own horn, huh, Hotshot? What are you some kinda ninja?"

"You could, uh- you could say that."

You hummed as you puffed your cigarette, "Well then Karate Kid, you got any other family issues? You got a little while left, my cigarette is still fresh."

"Nah, I'm all out for now. What about you smartass? What's got you up here smokin' your worries away?"

You sighed, balancing your elbow on your knee, with your face in your palm, "My dad called me a little while ago. He can be a bit of an over acheiving hardass. The bastard expects me to be the same way."

"You don't sound to fond of your old man, why do you still talk to 'im?"

"I-I don't really know..." you hesitated, "He's the only family I have left, if I cut him off then I'm all alone."

You took one last puff of your cigarette, before putting it out on the concrete roof.

"My cig's out. Guess that means I gotta go to bed, man I hate work."

"Heh, tell ya what, (Name), I'll be here again on Friday. Talk to ya then, ok? You can tell me all about your old man."

You smiled, "Sure thing, Hotshot. See you on Friday."

With that you walked away from the wall, and down the stairs into your apartment complex.

.........................................

Perhaps the start of a new series 👀👀 hmm we'll see...

[anangelinthepit]

Baby you're the Right Kind of Wrong

Hey everyone sorry this one took awhile. I had extreme writers block for this story. Anyways enjoy. I love you all -Magenta🌹

Triggers- ⚠️ swearing and verbal abuse

Taglist- @reyadawn @fadingintothegrey @bloodylullaby @chey-h @hurricanesfollowyou @iluvmewwwww75 @lma1986 @thisbicc @justanaccounts @dreamstyles @supersquirrel1996 @lolitasangel @tikosblogg

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Part 6

Y/N POV

It’s been two months since the guys left for their tour and things are starting to become easier. The first two weeks were so fucking rough that Noah and I would call each other almost every night in tears. Not so much anymore, we still call every night but the pain isn’t so unbearable. I'm able to keep myself distracted and Noah has been too. Now of course I get the occasional drunk call from him telling me how much he loves me and misses me. It was cute until I got a text from Nick the other night that Noah was drinking heavily and to be careful with what I said to him. He had already flipped out on Matt and Bryan. Nick would give updates here and there telling me how he's trying to help Noah cope but it's no use. He keeps running to the bottle.

Just like Papa did.

That was a few days ago. I'm hoping he just settles and takes a break from partying. Touring isn't all about parties and booze, right? He's gotta lay off the alcohol eventually. I rubbed my eyes in exhaustion and looked over at the clock. It was pushing almost midnight and decided it was probably time I lay off the game and get a shower. It was weird that Noah or Nick hadn't texted me yet and Of course, my mind went to a worst-case scenario. I was going to call everyone until I remembered that Jolly shot me a text earlier saying that they'd be in the studio and Noah would call me after.

After I got out of the shower, I went back to our room and threw myself on the bed. I'm still not used to or comfortable sleeping without him next to me so it does take me a bit to knock out. The clock read 12:15 Am and still no call or text from him. Surely they must be out of the studio by now, was he avoiding me? My heart started to hurt and my eyes began to fill up with tears when suddenly my ringtone went off. I looked over and saw the goofy smile of my boyfriend lighting up my phone.

I knew he wouldn't forget to call me. I felt relief and eagerly picked up the phone. I wish I could say the feeling lasted but it didn't when I was met with what sounded like a party in the background and gibberish talking Noah.

Not again…

“B…baby. C-can you feel me?”

“Hey babe yes I can hear you. Where are you ?”

“AYYYYYYEEEEEE BABY! what is my princess bunny boo.”

Oh lord, give me the strength to help him fight his inner demons tonight. I'm tired

“AYYYEEEE SHUT THE FUCK UP I'M TALKING TO MY GIRL”

I groaned and realized he was still on the phone. I was hoping he hung up and would just continue parting.

“Baby please calm down, I'm still here.”

“I know ya are. Ya, your sexy ass is stuck with me church girl.”

“Noah, stop, please. This isn't okay.”

“Ohhhhhh did I hurt your feelings church girl.”

“NOAH WHAT ARE YOU DOING THE PARTY IS OVER HERE.”

I heard a woman in the background beckoning him. It's not the first time I've heard girls around them but this one was as clear as day and sounded way different.

“Who was that?” I asked starting to feel my stomach turn and my hands shake.

My heart was officially in my stomach. Despair turned to anger while the love I have for this man turned into a firey jealous rage. Mama warned about jealousy and how it's the devil's way of making you commit evil acts. I haven't felt like this before, and to be honest it hurt so profusely. If Noah had been standing right in front of me I might have thrown something at him. That's how angry I am.

“Who the fuck was that Noah?” I asked more sternly. I'm poking the bear talking like this but I'm getting pissed

“Woah easy church girl Who do you think you're talking to?” Noah said in a low-toned voice. I could tell his demeanor changed without even looking at him.

“You fucking heard me. AND STOP CALLING ME THAT. Who the fuck is the chick in the background and why is your fucking name in her mouth?”

“Oh my god, here we go again. Can ya keep your anxiety to you're fucking self please.”

“Noah I don't have fucking time for this. You want to drink yourself stupid, that's fine but leave me the fuck out of it. I'm not going to waste my time trying to talk to someone who chooses the bottle over me.”

“I had a couple of drinks, you're so over dramatic Y/N. And you need to stop talking to me like I'm just some dude off the street. I am your man and you will treat me with RESPECT.”

“Then tell those bitches to stop calling your name.”

Jesus, why are we fighting? We’re supposed to be in the honeymoon stage. I was about ready to hang up the phone before I said something I would regret but Noah needed to have the last word….

“Okay, then how about I make her moan it?”

“EXCUSE ME MOTHERFUCKER!

“I'm just joking babe. Relax”

“NO FUCK YOU. DON'T EXPECT ME TO BE HERE WHEN YOU GET BACK I'VE HAD IT.”

“Babe wait”

I hung up my phone and ended up chucking it at the walls. Noah has said a lot of things to me before but that was the last fucking straw. I began packing a bag and heard my ringtone go off a few more times. Now not only was Noah trying to call me back, but so was the rest of the band and crew. Calls were followed by text messages

Noah: Baby I'm sorry I didn't mean it

Nick: Y/N what happened? Noah is freaking out

Matt: Y/N he's just been drinking he didn't mean it

Folio: Noah wants me to tell you he's sorry and to call him.

Jolly: please pick up the phone before this man gets arrested for public intoxication

I scoffed at everything and sat in his game chair. I tried to calm myself down, leaving wasn't the best option after I thought about it. I have nowhere to go and this is all I know.

You could go back to Mama. Pray for forgiveness now

I grabbed my head trying to get that thought out of my head.

“No, I promised Noah,” I said to myself trying to stop the tears from welding in my eyes. I looked to my left and saw the photo that Noah had taken of us together when we went to the beach for the first time. Kissing my forehead and smiling at me, this photo keeps me going. Reminding myself that we’ll be together soon and back to how we were.

And no matter how hard things get I'm keeping my promise.

Even if Noah doesn't

Noah's POV

I woke up the next morning suck to my fucking stomach and hung over. “I'm so done drinking Vodka”. Lalzily dragging myself out of my bunk I made my way to the kitchen/ lounge area and was met with an angry crowd that consisted of my friends.

“I fucked up again, didn't I? Sorry guys you know I didn't mean it.”

“Oh dude you didn't fuck up with us,” Folio said faking a swig of his coffee

“What do you mean?”

“Let me ask you something. Have you heard from Y/N?” Jolly said

What the hell are these guys getting at? I told them to stop with the fucking mystery problems and just tell me what happened.

“All I'm gonna say is there's a good chance Y/N took a baseball bat to all of your stuff,” Jolly added

Nick grabbed my shoulder and began to explain what I did to Y/N. I couldn't believe what I was hearing, the thought of me being so disrespectful to my angel killed me. This all seemed like a bad nightmare

“Nick there's no fucking way, I would never talk to her like that.”

“Well you fucking did, also I hope you know mad people got pictures of you with all those girls. If Y/N sees those she is gonna set all of us on fire. Fucking call her and beg for her forgiveness dude. She deserves better.” Nick said

He was right, she deserves so much better. I grabbed my phone and started to scroll through our messages. I cursed at her and said all those nasty things over the phone. “God I don't ask for much but please don't take her from me.”

I let out a deep sigh and clicked on her contact.

Ring

God, she hates me

Ring

Why did I do this

Ring

One more chance baby, please

“Hello?”

“Angel?”

“Noah…”

🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵

Love you guys 🩵

[bellaturner]

I Wanna Be Yours

I suck at titles, sorry 🥹

i'm not sure what this is, it doesn't have smut but its also not fluff (?)

Summary: you always had a crush on Alex, but he's your big brother's friend so you try to hide your feelings.

Warnings: none? (soft dom Alex if you squint a lot)

1,1k words (it was supposed to be a blurb, help)

Part 2 ✧ Masterlist

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

The final verses of "R U Mine?" reverberated through the venue, creating an electric atmosphere. As the lights dimmed, you joined the rest of the band at the side of the stage, soaking in the energy of the crowd.

"Hey, Bear!" you exclaimed, jumping into your brother's arms and giving him a tight hug. "Congrats, Matt. You killed it!"

"Thanks, little demon," he chuckled, hugging you back. Matt, your older brother, was always close to you.

Having graduated from high school the previous year, you were still figuring out your path in life. So when Matt offered you the opportunity to join the Arctic Monkeys on their AM tour, you jumped at the chance. Who could say no to traveling the world, experiencing new places, and immersing yourself in live music almost every night? It was a dream come true, and the best part was being close to Alex, the man who made your heart skip a beat.

"You guys rocked it too!" you yelled, offering a smile to Nick and Jamie, who were enjoying a well-deserved break with cans of beer from the minibar in the corner.

You noticed Alex was missing. It was his habit to disappear for a good twenty minutes after shows, needing time to decompress.

Matt led you to the private rooms at the back of the venue. "Come on, trouble," he grinned, guiding you. "We need to gather our stuff. The bus leaves in an hour."

"Roger that, Captain!" you playfully responded, eagerly following him. Every second of this experience felt like a thrill, and you were grateful to Matt for bringing you along. The entire journey was incredible, but being able to spend time close to Alex was undoubtedly the highlight for you.

Your heart had always belonged to him, but you knew the boundaries that existed. Alex Turner, the charismatic front man and sexiest man alive, was older than you and one of your brother's closest friends. In reality, he was unattainable, being your only in dreams.

As you opened the door to the room, ready to gather your belongings for the next destination, you froze. There, seated on the sofa, was Alex. He appeared lost in thought, his hair styled back with a single strand teasingly falling on his forehead, adding to his undeniable appeal.

"Oh, fuck! I'm so sorry, Alex," you stammered, preparing to leave and give him his space.

"Don't worry about it, Y/N," he reassured you with a warm smile.

"I'll just grab my things and be out of your way in a second," you said, hurrying to pack up your makeup, which had been scattered during the band's final rehearsal.

"Well, take your time. You've already ruined my night," he joked, breaking the tension in the room.

That had become your dynamic over the years. Playful banter and teasing served as a mask for the feelings that simmered beneath the surface. It was a coping mechanism, a way to hide your emotions and maintain a sense of normalcy.

"That's for not playing my favorite tonight, mister," you shot back, a mischievous grin forming on your lips.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Is the little Helders' princess upset?" he retorted, mockingly pouting.

"Shut up, Turner!" you laughed, attempting to finish packing your makeup bag. However, your clothes were scattered all around the room.

You plopped down on the floor, gathering the articles of clothing and stuffing them into your bag. Your eyes wandered the room, searching for the dress you had worn earlier.

"Alex, have you seen my dress?" you asked.

"This one?" he said, holding up the fabric from the sofa beside him.

"Yep, that's the one," you replied, extending your arms toward him. "Throw it over, will ya?"

He playfully balled up the dress and tossed it in your direction, making you giggle.

"Found this as well," Alex whispered, his voice low and filled with an intensity that sent shivers down your spine and made you look up.

Your eyes widened as you saw him holding your bra by the strap in his hand. Heat rushed to your cheeks, a mix of embarrassment and arousal. You got up and reached for it.

"Not so fast, miss," he teased, pulling his hand back.

You let out an exasperated sigh, trying to regain your composure. "Alex, seriously? Can you just give it back?" you muttered.

His gaze held a mischievous glint as he got up and closed the distance between you, his hand still holding your bra captive. You could feel his breath on your face, sending a tingling sensation down your spine.

"Beg for it," he whispered playfully, his voice filled with a seductive undertone.

Rolling your eyes, you decided to play along. "Oh, please, dear sir, may I have my undergarment back?" you exaggeratedly pleaded, adding a touch of theatricality to your request.

He chuckled, his eyes sparkling with amusement. "Well, since you asked so nicely," he said, relinquishing your bra and handing it over with a flourish.

You snatched it from him, attempting to maintain a composed facade. "Thanks," you mumbled, turning away to pack it into your bag, hoping to hide the flustered expression on your face.

Alex's playful nature always sparked a connection between you, blurring the lines of your friendship. Though you enjoyed the light-hearted banter, it sometimes made you question the true nature of your relationship.

With your belongings finally in order, you glanced at Alex, who was standing there with a lopsided grin. The tension between you was palpable, a mixture of unspoken desires and hidden emotions.

"Are you done teasing me now?" you quipped, trying to regain your composure.

He leaned in closer, his voice dropping to a low, husky tone. "Teasing you? Oh, love, you have no idea what I'm capable of."

"Come on, Alex, cut it out," you said, flustered.

"Baby, I've noticed the way you look at me when you think I'm not watching," he confessed, his breath warm against your skin. "All this playful rudeness? Do you think you can fool me?"

"I don't know what you're talking about, Alex," you protested, your hands trembling slightly.

"But I think you do, sweetheart," he whispered, his voice filled with desire.

"Alex, I can't. You're Matt's friend and…" your words trailed off as Alex's lips crashed onto yours.

His lips were soft yet demanding, and without hesitation, his tongue explored the depths of your mouth. You responded eagerly, letting all the suppressed feelings for him surge to the surface. There was no denying your desire.

Caught up in the moment, Alex's grip tightened, his fingers tangling in your hair. A soft moan escaped your lips as the kiss deepened, and all rational thought faded away.

"Hey, Y/N, have you seen my—"

Matt's voice abruptly cut through the air, freezing both you and Alex in your tracks. The room fell into an uncomfortable silence as Matt's gaze locked onto the scene before him. His expression turned from confusion to anger in a matter of seconds.

"What the fuck is going on here?" his voice was filled with disbelief.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Hiii!

Sorry for taking forever to post a new fic, I've been having a rough time lately (I have a thousand drafts but can't finish any of them lol).

This was a request by 💐anon, I hope you like it babee 💕

~ Bella

[shimbongulus]

Thorns and Stars

(Warning! There are spoilers for Undertale Yellow's pacifist ending up ahead! Don't read if you haven't played it! Or do. I'm not your dad.)

The sun fractalized through the branches of trees in the park, making Martlet squint a bit as she relaxed on a wooden bench. 

The days since freedom came had been absolutely wonderful. Sunlight for the first time in most monsters’ lives, a decent peace with humanity, and a chance for a new start in a world they got to explore all anew.

Martlet had been doing her fair share of exploring around Ebbott, at least, but she wasn’t as young as she used to be. Her brief morning flight was evidence of that as she nursed a mildly aching wing, her fingertips massaging sore muscles and brushing over feathertips that frayed with age. 

She rued how unruly her down had gotten as she aged, but she reminded herself that was a sign of age - she got to see her down get all unruly, and feel her muscles lose the endurance they once had. It meant she had made it far enough to see the sun, that fabulous burning yellow disc that Monsterkind had dreamed of for so long.

But at the moment her wings weren’t the only things aching.

For the past decade and then some, she had been coping with the loss of a friend who had been in her life briefly but brilliantly. Starlo, Dalv and Ceroba had been excellent companions in the process of mourning and grief, and she had managed to grow around it, but it still bristled its thorns from time to time. 

Was there a world where they got to age with her? Was there a world where they came at this point in time? Perhaps.

Suddenly, a childlike voice echoed from Martlet’s right. “Is your wing alright?” She turned to look, and immediately recognized the figure of Frisk Dreemurr, the human name that every monster knew and would know for centuries to come.

“Oh, just fine. Things start to ache as  you get old. It’s whatever.” There was something incredibly familiar about Frisk’s presence and energy, something that seemed to summon the sweetness of the rose that dwelt somewhere within the thorns of grief.

“Say… you’re Frisk, huh?” They gave a nod, “Yup. What’s your name?”

“Martlet. I’m originally from Snowdin, but I’m currently staying in an apartment in New Waterfall.” 

Frisk gave that smile that caused the rose of grief to give its fragrance in Martlet’s soul even stronger as they extended a hand and shook with a firmness that shook her to her foundations. “Nice to meet ya, Martlet.” Suddenly, their face drew sympathetic. “Oh, I’m sorry, did I say something?” 

“W-Wha?” Small flecks of wetness on the periphery of her vision grew to Martlet’s awareness. “O-Oh, uh, it’s.. It’s not you. You just…”

She took a deep breath, trying to compose herself as she spoke the sentence, “You remind me of an old friend of mine. In a really good way.” She brushed some of the tears away, but a few miniscule replacements came behind them. Martlet tried her best to repress the sadness and lean into the bittersweetness that welled up from within her. 

Frisk pulled to a seat beside them, adjusting their blue-and-purple-striped jacket to keep the untimely spring cool out. “Who were they, if you don’t mind me asking?” 

For a moment, Martlet found it hard to summon words. What words could describe that brilliant, bright little candle that had come into their life for that moment those years ago? Friend? Compatriot? Companion? 

“Clover. Their name was Clover,” was all that she could manage for a moment, her blue bowlcut shifting in a slight breeze as a few tears flecked from her chin to her lap. 

Her voice shook slightly as she spoke, “T-They were a human, the last one to come before you. I h-helped them through Snowdin and to the Dunes…” Frisk put a hand on the tip of her shoulder, as if to ask permission to hug them. Martlet nodded as the child stretched an arm across as much of her back as they could reach.

“They were a really, really good friend. They were really strong, and really compassionate, like you.” Something seemed to wake up in Frisk as their brows raised and they asked, “Did they wear a cowboy hat?”

Martlet nodded, the tears slackening a little bit. “Yeah - yeah, they did.” Frisk seemed to look down into their lap, pondering as she continued, “They had a little toy gun, too. They loved coffee, and sweets, and pancakes, and dancing, and adventuring… They were tough as nails, and stronger than anyone could have ever believed.”

Frisk looked up and frowned a bit as they quietly nodded. Martlet then realized Frisk had obviously seen the container. “How did it happen?” 

Martlet’s head hung a bit as another few tears trickled down. “While they journeyed, they heard about the wrongs we’d suffered. They g-gave up their soul s-so that we…” Martlet tried to finish the sentence, but they could speak no more, and a pathetic little squeak came from her mouth as the tears seemed to come unfettered and undammed, coming in a small shower from her face as Frisk hugged her that extra little bit harder.

They squeezed Martlet’s feathered shoulders as the bird-monster cried, whispering, “It’s okay, it’s okay,” to her. Martlet’s tears finally slackened a bit as she reciprocated the hug to Frisk. 

Suddenly, the human looked up at them with bright eyes full of an idea. “Would you mind if I ran and got you something?” Martlet tried to voice a “sure,” but all that they could manage was a little nod as their breath still failed them from the emotional moment shared with the one who helped break the barrier.

She sat and watched as the human ran down the street, past the old brick building and away to some corner of this new town. She was alone now, for the moment, and wondered how Starlo and Ceroba were doing. Last she had seen Dalv, he was making moves to a more open stretch of ground to the east of the mountain, good for growing the fields of corn he excelled at growing.

Starlo and Ceroba were staying somewhere in New Home, she knew, and she wondered if they would ever complete the move up to Surface Home, but as far as she knew they were happy as it was. 

Martlet smiled a bit. Even if Clover was gone, she still had a good crowd of friends. She started to make a mental note to arrange a get-together between Frisk and everyone else, when she felt a tugging at her sleeve. 

As she turned, she saw Frisk, who had made their way back in front of her with nary a sound, giving her a start for a moment, “Aah! Oh, gosh, you scared the feathers off of me.” Frisk smirked, “Really? Looks like you still have ‘em all.” 

She shook her head, “You know what I mean.” It was then that she noted Frisk’s hand was clasped around something small. “Hm? What’s that you’ve got there?” Frisk smiled, “Something I found in the Underground when I was making my way through.”

Their hands unclasped to reveal a little six-pointed star with small brass knobs sticking out at each star-point. A word shone out from the center of the well-polished and well-kept keepsake, “DEPUTY.” 

Martlet’s hands involuntarily stretched out for the star, which Frisk eagerly handed to them. She caressed the thing and felt its contours, caressing even the pin which once held this to the chest of the human she had known so well.

She smiled a bright, happy smile at Frisk as the sweet rose that lived inside grief gave off a perfume they had not smelled since the thornbush had first grown. She felt love emanate from the little badge and embraced it, taking her arms and physically embracing the love - or at least its momentary source, Frisk, which Frisk was all too happy to accept.

“Thank you, Frisk.”  

Martlet could not explain it if she had tried, nor if she had been the most knowledgable monster in existence, but for a moment it was as though she felt Clover there, with her. As if she could hear the words murmuring through some consciousness of hers, “It’s okay. It’s all okay. You’re free now.” 

The thorns seemed as they were all coming up roses now as she enjoyed the remainder of the afternoon with a new friend.

(Thanks for reading! Be sure to go give this fic a kudos on Ao3 too!)

[cherrycoloredfaith]

Kiss Off

Hello everyone! I'm sharing my first fic with you all over here, but chapters 7/10 are already posted on A03! See there for more tags!

rating: Explicit

Steve Harrington/Eddie Munson, Construction Crew AU - No Upside Down, Slow Burn, Enemies to Lovers

playlist!

next chapter

Chapter 1: One 'Cause You Left Me

If you would have stopped Steve on the street 6 months ago and told him the only job he could get in Indianapolis was joining a construction crew, he would have laughed in your face and then went home to cry himself to sleep. He didn't think he could land a dream job or anything, but to get no offers from retailers caught him by surprise and, honestly, bruised his ego. That was where his experience was, after all. He applied here on a whim of desperation after seeing the ad in a paper; he never anticipated he’d actually get a call back.

Yet, here he stands at the foot of the stairs leading to a trailer sat on a field of red dirt in the outskirts of the city. He stared at the “Munson Construction, est. 1980” signage on the door, the color bleached from years of direct sunlight. Now, the sun was blazing down in the late morning light. Freshly purchased denim, still starchy as he wipes the sweat from his hands, stiffly hugged his legs, and drops of sweat were already dripping down his back. It's only early June, but Steve can tell it's going to be a hot summer. He’s not certain he'll be able to cope.

The new work boots feel stiff and alien on his feet as he takes his steps up to the door.  Clunk, clunk, they went over the aging wooden stairs. The guy who called him to offer the job gave him a list of items he'd need to buy: jeans, work boots, white t-shirts. The uniform of his unforeseen future. Steve swallowed down his nerves and knocked on the door. 

He heard a faint call answer and turned the knob, peering in as the door swung. Old wood paneling covered the walls and a softening, patchy linoleum tile lay under his boots. His new boss, who he assumed was Wayne, looked up from addressing someone, who he assumed was another employee. 

“Harrington, right?” he said as he stood to greet Steve at the door. Holding his hand out for Steve to shake, he added, “I’m Wayne, we spoke on the phone. This here’s Eddie. Eddie, meet your new addition.”

Steve looked over. Behind a mess of long hair that definitely goes against the rules outlined to him days before, sits a man sprawled in a chair, legs up on the edge of the desk to balance his seat on the hind legs. After a sigh and the slightest shake of his head, the man, Eddie, swung around to shoot Steve a dazzling–clearly forced–smile that caused his stomach to flip. Under different circumstances, Steve would have blushed. The first thing he noticed was that the man was beautiful–and clearly not happy with his presence. Caught off guard, Steve looked to Wayne, trying not to make the wrong move, suddenly sensing the tension in the room, primarily radiating off of Eddie.

Steve cleared his throat. “Hey, it's nice to–”

With a thud, Eddie stood, his chair's legs knocking to the floor. 

"Hello. Stephan, was it? You should run off before it’s too late, Wayne runs this place like a prison. Unpaid labor, grueling hours, no benefits. Don’t even get me started on the whip,” Eddie warned, placing the back of his hand over his forehead as if he was preparing to faint and faking a shudder. Steve just raised his eyebrows.

Wayne shook his head and looked dead Steve in the eyes, “He’s just tryin’ to scare ya. You got nothing to worry about here but him.” Eddie shot Wayne a look that said he should be feared; then, he glanced back at Steve, looking him up and down. Steve felt exposed under his gaze. 

Eddie clapped his hands together, the crack causing Steve to jump. “Would love to stay and chat, but I'm gonna run off now." As his false smile fell, he huffed, pulling out a pack of smokes and skirted around Wayne and Steve in the small trailer to leave without a second glance in his direction. That's when Steve registers his outfit. Leather jacket, dark denim, and a black tee, assorted jewelry. Definitely against the rules. 

"Ah, that went about as well as I thought,” said Wayne. “Excuse him. He's rough around the edges until ya get to know 'm.” He signed and sat behind his desk once again, clearly exasperated. Steve moved into the now available chair. 

Just as he sat down, the trailer door barged open again. It was so loud that as Steve turned around, he suspected this Eddie guy had come back. Instead, in came a much younger girl, probably barely out of middle school, fiery hair tied back as she carried a bunch of rolled papers in her arms. She passed Steve, her green backpack bumping into his shoulder in the tight quarters. Dropping the stack onto the desk, she turned to address Wayne when she finally noticed him. She narrowed her eyes and looked to Wayne for an introduction. 

“Thanks, Max. This is Steve Harrington, he’s joining our team this summer. Steve, this is Max Mayfield. She helps around while she’s out of school.”

Steve shot her a gentle smile, hoping to ease the tension he saw in her eyes. “Cool, uh… nice to meet you.” 

He offered his hand; Max shook it with a surprising force. “Sure.” Despite her confidence, Steve sensed she was wary of his unfamiliar presence. He tried not to feel like he was failing this whole first impressions thing. She turned back to Wayne, “These are the updated plans they gave me. The GC wants you to call him after you look over it all, said the architect’s being a real pain in the ass.” 

Another sigh from Wayne. “Sounds about right.” Steve noticed the slight drawl of his voice, making the i’s sound like ah’s. “Could you ask Eddie to write down what he needs to go over with Steve tomorrow while I show him his way around today?” 

Max nodded and grabbed a nearby legal pad and oddly shaped pencil. She didn’t ask where Eddie was or appear frightened to face the man who had shaken Steve earlier. She exited the trailer, leaving him alone once again with Wayne. He stood up and gestured for Steve to follow out the door. 

Once outside, Wayne felt in the breast pocket of his light plaid shirt for a pack of smokes, lit one and started walking. “We only got a couple work trucks, so some crew got to ride to the jobsites on their own,” he said as he gestured to the pickup trucks parked to the side. Two identical 1980 Ford F250s sat over the red dirt. Beyond, he could see the other employee’s personal cars, his BMW sedan sticking out like a sore thumb amongst an older van and a few other pickups. He silently prayed he would never have to pull up to a construction site in his own car, thinking about the damage that could come to it, let alone the embarrassment of not owning a proper vehicle for this setting.

“I’ve got three crews working for me, but Eddie’s meets here regularly for smaller jobs. I got the others on renovation jobs all over the city. I’m trainin’ him to lead the projects, startin’ small and all,” he explained. 

“Where are the other guys on Eddie’s crew?” asked Steve.

“Gave them the day off today, while we got you adjusted. You’ll meet ‘em tomorrow mornin’ to finish up a project on the East side of town.”

Across the trailer of the main office sat another with matching white metal paneling and a shiny aluminum roof. Wayne walked them towards it. “This is our break area. I think Eds calls it the clubhouse or something or other. It's got our lockers for personal belongings, a kitchen, places to sit. Plus some storage for us. Those drawings rack up after 20 years.”

Wayne laughed; Steve smiled and nodded as if he was in on the joke.

They walked up the steps and entered. The layout looked like it wasn’t meant for work, like it was a home transformed into a shared space. Open lockers sat against the far wall, each with hanging bright yellow light vests and white construction hats, except for one which was red. Dirt had clearly been trailed in on the floors for years, marking paths throughout. One led to the kitchen, a couple fold out tables surrounded by mismatched chairs. Another led to what was clearly a bathroom; Steve wandered over, pleasantly surprised to find it very clean despite the disheveled state of the rest of the house. He registered the shower before turning back to Wayne. 

“It’s there if you need it. No guarantee you’ll stay clean once you step out,” Wayne laughs, looking to the floor, still smoking his cigarette. Steve looked past him at the doorway to what should have clearly been a bedroom. The door was shut. 

“Ed’s office,” he answered the silent question.

“How long has Eddie worked here?” Steve tried not to admit to himself he was curious about him. 

“Ever since he was a teenager. He’s been here about…six years, now, I s’pose. I been looking after him that long at least.” He must have seen the question on Steve’s face. “He’s my nephew.”

Oh. Steve nodded. “What about Max?”

“She joined last summer, she’s my neighbor back at home. Her mom needed some help keeping her out of trouble, and she gets along great with the guys. I keep her from doing any dangerous work, just odd tasks here and there for her. Don’t know how long she’ll let me keep that up though,” he explains.

“She likes it?” He was surprised. 

“Oh yeah, she loves it. You’ll get to know her over the summer.” Wayne turns to Steve, suddenly serious, pointing his cigarette butt at his chest, “You seem like a great fellow, but I don’t know ya that well. No goddamn funny business. We look out for her, one slip up, you’re outta here.”

Steve raised his eyebrows, putting the pieces together. “No- yes- of course, I wouldn’t dream of it. She seems like a great kid.”

Wayne nodded, satisfied with Steve’s response, “Good, good. Let’s go on and get your paperwork sorted out and I’ll tell you about the jobs we got goin’.” 

Steve followed him out of the trailer, taking a deep breath of muggy air once he stepped outside. At least the guy in charge seemed to like him. He would have to try harder the next day to land in Eddie’s good graces if he’s really going to work directly under him. 

------------------------------------------------------

“Rob, what the fuck am I doing?”

Steve was staring at the wall across from the couch as he sat on it upside down, legs hanging over the back and his head off the seat cushion. The wall was bare except for a single David Bowie poster Robin had found at a thrift store down the street. Their boxes were barely unpacked, despite them having moved in four weeks ago. A few sat scattered around their few pieces of furniture, consisting of a couch, one side table, a rug, and a dining table with a pair of mismatched chairs. Late afternoon light poured in through the tall windows, heating Steve's skin where he sat. 

Steve ran his hands through his hair. The joint he’d smoked out on the fire escape did a good job of easing the tightness in his chest, but didn’t help to quiet his mind. He’d have to ask for something different next time. 

When Robin didn’t answer, he continued, “I have no clue what I’m doing. I don’t know anything about concrete or wood or whatever. I probably barely know how to work a drill. Do you think they’ll make me operate a crane?”

Steve watched as Robin’s legs suddenly came into view; her hands were on her hips, looking down at him disapprovingly. How many people were going to give him that look today?

“What’s up? Why are you moping? I thought your boss liked you!” she said indignantly. 

“Well, one of them did. I think,” he answered. “The crew leader- guy- thingy.. The one who leads the crew I’m on. He didn’t seem like he wanted to meet me, like at all. He walked out after being introduced, I didn’t even have an opportunity to shake his hand.”

“Okay, that is rude,” Robin cocked her head to the side. “What did his boss say?”

“Just that he’s like that sometimes. It's his nephew, so he probably gets special treatment,” said Steve, narrowing his eyes and crossing his arms over his chest, pouting. Steve sat upright from his strange position, suddenly needing a snack and a glass of water. 

Before he could get up, she was already on it, filling up a glass from the kitchen sink, and walking over to hand it to him. He drank greedily to ease his cotton mouth as best he could. 

“What was he like?” she asks.

“I don’t know, I hardly saw him, didn’t even speak to him,” he said looking at the ground, avoiding Robin’s eyes. “He didn’t look like you’d expect. And his hair definitely didn’t meet the dress code requirements,” he blurted before he could stop himself, blushing as soon as he brought it up. Robin’s eyes lit up.

“Ohh, his hair… What else did Stevie notice about his scary new boss? Pretty eyes? Good smile? Was he tall?” she teased. 

Steve put the glass on the floor and buried his face in his hands, feeling the heat coming to the surface. He decided to ignore her. “Wayne just said hair must be short or tied back! I even got mine trimmed for meeting him today just in case.”

“Fascinating,” Robin joked.

“But I’m serious, Rob. What am I even doing working this kind of job? Wayne seems nice, but there’s no way I’m going to fit in with these guys. Preppy, polo-wearing Steve Harrington working on a construction crew in the city. They’ll probably all think I’m stuck-up.” 

“Okayy, well, don’t be stuck up, then! I thought you weren’t that guy anymore,” she reminded him. “Steve, come on. They’re going to teach you everything you need to know, right? So, stop stressing.”

“I guess…” Steve gave in. He wouldn’t admit his uneasiness in front of anyone else but her. Steve wanted to appear confident, but he was out of his element. If he even had an element?

He stood and walked over to the small kitchen, deciding on a TV dinner to keep things easy. He placed the frozen tray into the microwave, and as he waited, staring as the tray rotated, he began to wonder to himself. 

Steve felt out of place, uprooted since he left home. He was excited to be here with Robin, to have so many opportunities ahead of him. He could potentially be great at this job, he could meet someone he really likes, he could create a new home. Yet, he found himself missing Hawkins; the trees, long drives in the country, always places to hide. Here, in the city, it felt stuffy. People surrounded him with their constant presence. Upstairs, downstairs, at the park, at the grocery store. He didn’t have anywhere to hide now.  Here, the unfamiliar and unknown was constantly looming, no stability in sight. There was opportunity for success but also for failure. More failures and more people to disappoint, Steve thought.

Beeeeep!

[perpetualproductions]

Just watched EP 7 of The Boys (S4).

(spoilers. Obv.)

Jesus Christ. Things are getting proper serious. Lol. Like, I know Eric has already said on multiple occasions that the end of season 4 isn't gonna be good (not as in quality or anything but as in the state of that world). If you don't know, he's described it as "what would happen if trump was elected". And Jesus, idk about you but personally, that sounds terrifying. So yeah, I know the good guys aren't gonna win (hardly ever do). In fact, the bad guys will actually be winning this time. I mean, we're going full fascist police state. Mass hysteria, thought police, internment camps. Truly terrible thing. So yeah, I'm scared, to say the least, for all the characters I like in this world. And the end of S4 is leading directly into S2 of Gen V, so yeah, this is gonna be full dystopia, I fear.

Either way, as much as this is meant to be a satire and a flip on the superhero genre as a whole, I need some hope here, lol. Some light at the end of this tunnel, for the sake of everyone. This world has been terrible at every turn, and I understand that it's a commentary on our own. A mirror. But it's slowly becoming a straight up replica on how our own world is falling apart. Great. Awesome. How about we end The Boys on a note of hope? Season 5 is the last season. It's putting an end to the main story of Butcher vs. Homelander. (Personally, I think it needs to end with both of them dead). But yeah, I think it should also end in a world that isn't actively burning, but the ruins that are left. Something to build from. Hope for a genuinely better world. It's gonna be hard and take a long time, but it's still possible. Ya know?

Idk, I'm rambling. Literally just finished the episode and it had me thinking too much, lol. This is just a thought dump/ vent of some sort. Just cause I know the finale is gonna be depressing as fuck. Trying to mentally prepare here, lol.

Otherwise, great episodes. Made me feel things and think things and that may as well be the goal at the end, lol.

(why so many lols? I use humor to cope. Lol.)

Have a good day people. Hold on to hope. Especially when you feel like there isn't any.