#i'm tired all the time and i don't feel good or adequate in anything

[lovecorebasil]

hmm .

[gabessquishytum]

Everyone seems to love warprize Hob so... what about something similar for Dream?

The Sun King has been fighting a war against the Endless kingdom for over a century. The Endless started it, and they're beginning to realize they can't win. They won't necessarily lose, but they definitely can't win.

So Time and Night offer their second oldest son in exchange for peace. Dream does not get a choice. The Sun King, Hob, agrees. He's tired of defending his kingdom, and Prince Dream is the most gorgeous creature he's ever seen. Time and Night immediately send Prince Dream to King Hob, no hesitation. Dream is certain he'll never see any of his siblings ever again (King Hob is not that cruel, his siblings can visit, but only if they behave)

Hob tries very hard to court Dream who is not having it. Hob's servants try to help after weeks of nothing and give Dream aphrodisiacs. Dream, unaware of what they are, eats them. The next thing he knows, he's on his back, on his bed, desperately trying to get off, but nothing is enough.

Hob comes in, and Dream immediately begins begging, pleading. He's so hot, and hard, and empty, won't his King fill him? Hob, unaware of the aphrodisiacs, takes Dream to pieces in what is the roughest, yet gentlest sex he's ever had; it's also undeniably the most satisfying. When Dream comes to the next morning, with the King wrapped tightly around him, he remembers everything. He's also certain that the King didn't actually have anything to do with the aphrodisiacs. He decides not to say anything. Anyone who can make him feel like that in bed deserves a chance to court him.

Weeks later, when Desire visits, they try to start shit with Dream, calling him a little whore for how easily and willingly he spreads for the King now. Hob is absolutely furious with the way Desire treats his beloved fiancé and nearly orders their execution. There is a reason the Endless feared him in the first place, you know.

- 🐺

Oh yes Dream can be warprized!! As a treat!!

King Hob gives me happy shivers because I imagine that he would generally be a fair ruler to his own people, but when it comes to the enemy in a war? He's merciless and terrifying. And he always holds a grudge, unless he gets adequate recompense or an apology.

Sending one of their princes is technically adequate recompense for the war, so Hob accepts the terms... and Dream turns up, absolutely agonised and terrified and so fucking angry. He's expecting Hob to be as awful as his own parents, but Hob is just like "wow super fucked up that you were sent here against your will, feel free to live your life as best as you can! I'm going to court you but you don't have to do anything unless you want to."

And Dream does NOT want to, so he gives Hob the silent treat... and tries to survive in his new life.

Unfortunately, Hob’s servants have questionable morals. While Hob is trying to make Dream feel safe and court him the old fashioned way, they... go for a different tactic. Dream ends up sweaty and naked in Hob’s bed, absolutely begging for some kind of relief.

(And ok, Hob isn't dumb. He knows what the symptoms of an aphrodisiac look like. He doesn't approve of what's been done to Dream, but he also can't waste the opportunity. At least he can make their first time together absolutely mind-blowing).

Hob is expecting Dream to hate him in the morning. Instead he wakes up with Dream’s mouth on his cock. All traces of the drug are gone, Dream is just... himself. And he's made a decision: if he's going to be the king’s pretty little plaything, he might as well be fucking good at it, and also have a great time. He can show his family that their actions mean nothing to him, now.

Desire shows up expecting to find Dream chained up to a wall somewhere. Instead, they find their big brother perched in the sun King's lap, wearing a diaphanous black robe that leaves nothing to the imagination... being hand fed a selection fruit. Desire is so annoyed. They wanted to see Dream humiliated, not cherished and loved!

Hob makes it very clear that Dream is his property now, and he won't stand for a him to be insulted in any way... Desire is already on thin fucking ice. They end up leaving early, metaphorical tail between their legs, to report back to the rest of the family that Dream is thriving. Damn him.

[fantasy-relax]

Inefable plan

Part 2.

Warning: Misscarriage.

Bela Dimitrescu x g!p reader

This is what happen when you don't follow the plan.

"You do all this because you love, right? You are in love with me!"

You should know this would happen, poor Daniela was heartbroken, lonely and needy, she wanted a relationship like her fairytales, of course she will hang on the only good interaction outside of her family, you.

"Lady Daniela, I-I" hope was in her face, her cheeks red smiling shyly "I-I"

You could lie and pretend, Daniela was pretty and both of you have some much in common, you could play along with her fantasy for three years. But it feel so damn wrong and the last thing you wanted was to trick her like that.

"Lady Daniela I'm sorry but I don't love you like that" you could see the moment her heart broke " I think of you as my.."

Dear friend?

No. Not exactly.

"I think I love you as I will had loved my sibling if I could had one"

You birth was one difficult, after you there were other pregnancies that never passed the second month, the relationship between your parents sour more for that. Your father wanted to keep trying for the perfect child and your mother was tired and hurt.

You don't remember if they even sleep in the room after the third try, you do remember the screaming of that night when your mother's dress was stained with blood and her face with tears.

Your mom was good company but sometimes more than you will ever admit to her you wished you have a sister or a brother to play, to fight, to care for, to be little less lonely but you knew better than ask.

In your time together in the library you see her not as the delusional, childish aggressive third daughter but as Daniela a playful, creative and adorable girl. That loved her family like you loved yours.

They were killers, they were mutants but they were family.

You glance at the clock in the wall you have other duties to attend.

"Can we talk more when Friday comes? I need to go lady Daniela I have more work to"

She let you go easily, at least she wasn't sad actually she seemed more thoughtful than anything.

Working around you try to make sense of your feelings and actions to towards the dimitrescu house.

Did they ripped other families apart? Yes, but the contract was clear, there wasn't fine letter everything was in the open:

The ladies of the house will carry any punishment that they think adequate in case of any broken rule.

While the punishment is dependent of the affected rule could be any of the following:

-Withholding food or payment.

-Whipping.

-Dismemberment

-Torture

-Death

There is no misunderstanding, obey the rules, work hard and everything is fine.

Now that you are thinking the rules more broken were five particularly:

-Be respectful to the ladies.

-Don't steal.

-Not slacking.

-Not enter into the forbidden sections.

-The windows must be always closed.

Calling the ladies monsters, bitches, freaks was something common between maids. The stupid ones that do it in the open end punished. This is fair.

The castle is full of luxury, even the maid quarters are better state than any of the houses in the village. Because this some try to smuggle some paintings, jewelry or anything of value to sell outside. They are punished when they're found out. This is fair.

The castle had a lot of rooms, almost every one of them were big. This was one of the reasons for what lady dimitrescu needed a lot of (wo)manpower. But some maids will leave their responsibilities to the others that will have to work harder to complete the assigned tasks. They were deal with by the other maids or given to the ladies. This was fair.

There were rooms that only the head maid or certain maids were permitted to be. Others were completely banned from entering. Woman in search of things to sell will enter just to be killed by the ladies or whatever is in the other side. This was fair.

Most of the windows were barricaded. You had to admit that rule was weird, yes it was cold but it was only for a few months in winter and some stray days in the year. But if lady dimitrescu wanted every window closed then every window must be closed is her damn castle after all. This was fair.

Woman signs the contract, woman broke the rules accorded in the contract woman is punished according to the contract. This was fair.

People keep coming knowing that death was hiding in the corner. Out of necessity, out of greed, out of freedom. By choice.

Now the question is: Why only few were capable of surviving the three years?

The head maid was one older woman, the head cook and her helpers too, the Carpenter, the stable manager, the blacksmith. They had been here for a long time, longer than three years.

Curiosity was always your best asset.

And your doom...

Well, you will just ask them the questions that you need and that will be all.

Yes, a good plan.

[whumpsmith-participates]

Medwhump May 2024

Day 25 - High fever

Kinda a prequel to Day 11 - Passing out and also Day 13 - "You've been very sick"

TW: minor whumpee (17), illness, fahrenheit, tobacco

@medwhumpmay

Erick was prone to infections. Between frequent injuries, less than ideal living circumstances, not quite adequate diet, and constant stress, it was nearly a miracle that he wasn't sick all the time. It didn't help either that he had the tendency to ignore any early symptoms, powering through so he wouldn't disappoint Fetch, or anger him. He didn't like to be called lazy or ungrateful, because he wasn't, so he avoided being seen as such.

Until his body forced him to stop.

Beep!

Fetch looked at the display on the thermometer, frowning a bit.

"A hundred and three," he said, "how long have you been feeling sore?"

"I think...since yesterday?" Erick said, pulling on his shirt a bit as the sweat was making it stick to his chest.

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"It wasn't this bad yesterday," Erick said with a shrug, "I just need a nap..."

"Not so fast," Fetch said, "I want you to drink some water first and take an Advil. Then I'll go out to get you some ice to cool you down."

"Hrm...I'm sorry," Erick said.

"It's okay, I had nothing better to do anyway," Fetch said, "just get into bed, I'll sleep on the couch tonight."

Erick stumbled towards the bedroom while Fetch headed into the kitchen to get a glass of water. He found some b-brand ibuprofen in the drawer and took out a pill before heading towards the bedroom, where Erick was adjusting the pillow in an attempt to get comfortable. He helped the teen take a couple of sips to wash down the pill, before telling him to call if he started feeling worse while he was out.

Luckily it was a short trip to the store, and Erick slept through Fetch's absence. He quietly entered the apartment, putting some of the ice he just bought in a bowl and stuffing the rest in the freezer. He added some water to the ice and let it sit for a bit before finding a clean washcloth in the pile of unfolded laundry that sat on top of the machine.

He carried the bowl into the bedroom, setting it on the nightstand and dunking the cloth into the water, making sure it was nice and cold before squeezing most of the water out before laying the washcloth over Erick's forehead and eyes.

"Oh my god..." he groaned quietly, "thank you."

"You know the drill," Fetch said, "try to flip it or wet it again whenever you wake up."

"Mhm..." Erick just said, seeming to drift off already again.

Fetch just shook his head a bit and headed out, finding something to do to keep him busy, though he still checked on the teen frequent enough, making sure he drank water, or refreshing the wash cloth with a new layer of ice water.

After a couple of hours he checked if his temperature had gone down yet, only to find it had climbed to 104. He sighed, getting up and heading into the bathroom to begin filling up the bathtub. Once he was satisfied with the temperature, he plugged the drain and headed back into the bedroom to wake Erick.

"Hey, come on, sit up. I know you're tired, but we need to get your temperature down, okay?"

"Ow..." Erick groaned while Fetch pulled him into a sitting position.

He tried to lay back down while rubbing his eyes, but Fetch stopped him, grabbing a hold of his jaw to make him look at him.

"Where does it hurt?" he asked.

Erick pulled his head from Fetch's grip, rubbing his eyes again, before pulling his hands through his hair.

"I dunno," he said, "everywhere? My head..."

"It's just fever aches," Fetch said, secretly relieved, "come on, a bath will do you good. Do you need help getting in?"

"No," Erick quickly said, "no, just give me a minute..."

Fetch just nodded, but waited to make sure whether the teen would need a hand at all or not. He managed to make it to the bathroom okay, and then closed the door in his face.

"Don't lock it," Fetch said, "shout if you need me."

"I'm fine," Erick insisted, turning the tap off before the bath would overflow.

He waited until Fetch's footsteps had moved away from the bathroom door, before getting undressed and climbing into the tub. The water wasn't as warm as he'd liked, but the cooling effect was kind of nice too. The fog in his head cleared a bit, and the aches settled a bit as well, allowing him to relax.

When the water got too cold, he got out, draining the tub and finding Fetch had left some clean clothes on the edge of the sink. He dried himself off with a towel before getting dressed, already feeling a lot better. When he left the bathroom Fetch made him sit down and drink some more water, as well as eat some toast, and take his temperature again.

"Did I pick up another flu on the last job?" Erick asked, holding still when Fetch jabbed the thermometer in his ear.

"Something or other," Fetch said, "if it's viral we just gotta wait it out. If you don't improve it can be bacterial instead."

"Hrm..."

Beep!

"Back to a hundred and three," Fetch said, "hopefully it doesn't shoot up again."

"Can I...go lie back down?" Erick asked.

"Finish your water first," Fetch said.

Erick nodded, slowly sipping his water until he'd emptied the glass before going back to bed, leaving behind a half-eaten piece of toast.

Unfortunately his fever spiked again during the night, this time accompanied by delirious babbling, keeping Fetch plenty busy as he had to stop the teen from getting up when he was in no state to move around.

Luckily his temperature dropped a bit again after Fetch finally got him to go back to sleep, but they weren't out of the woods yet. He continued to fluctuate the rest of the day between a high fever and a concerningly high fever. And after another restless night, Fetch was beginning to suspect it might not be a viral infection after all.

He contacted one of his associates to try and get his hands on some broad-spectrum antibiotics, hoping they would be enough. At the end of the morning, he finally heard back, getting a location and a price. With a sigh, Fetch got ready to leave, checking on Erick a last time.

"Kid, wake up," he said, taking the damp washcloth off of his forehead and dunking it in the icewater.

Erick groaned a bit in reply, keeping his eyes closed. Fetch sighed, taking the wash cloth and dabbing a bit around his throat and on his chest before laying it back on his forehead.

"Did you hear me?" he asked.

Erick blinked his eyes open, looking over at Fetch, but not really looking at him. Fetch sighed. He couldn't blame him in his current state.

"I'm going to get you some medicine," Fetch said, trying to keep things simple, "try to remember to drink water. I'll grab you a couple of bottles so you don't have to get up for them, okay? You can just stay in bed."

Erick didn't reply. Fetch just sighed and patted his knee before going back to the kitchen and pulling a six pack of plastic water bottles from the fridge. He placed them on the nightstand in the bedroom, taking the plastic wrapping off so Erick could get to them easier in his state. When he headed out, he stopped by the door and turned back to the teen. He was still peering at him, but there didn't seem to be much thought behind his eyes at all.

"I'll be back before dinner," Fetch said, before heading out.

He wasn't. His contact made him wait, then he changed the location, and then he bitched about not getting paid enough. Fetch had to set he record straight, but the whole ordeal caused him to arrive home much later than he had planned.

He was already cranky about all the effort he had to take, he was hungry because he hadn't had dinner yet, and he really hoped Erick's condition wouldn't have worsened, or he'd have more cleaning up to do. With a sigh, he lit himself a cigarette before unlocking the front door and heading inside.

He could tell right away that something was off. The bedroom door was open, and he could see Erick lying in the doorway. Fetch cursed under his breath, throwing his cigarette on the stairs before rushing inside to check on the teen.

He seemed to have passed out, not responding to Fetch shaking him. His breathing was shallow, and he felt hotter than he had before. Fetch cursed as he dragged him back to bed, checking his temperature. It was over 105 again. He did get antibiotics, but he got the oral kind, and if the teen wasn't conscious, he couldn't take them.

"Fuck," Fetch said, pacing the room a moment before making a decision.

With a grunt, he hoisted the teen over his shoulder and carried him out of the room and outside towards his van. He propped him up in the passenger's seat, covering him with his jacket to keep him warm before putting on his seat belt. Whilst he walked around to the driver's side, he pulled out his phone and looked up a number, pressing his phone to his ear while putting on his own seat belt and starting the engine.

"Hey, is this the emergency room? ... Great. I'm bringing in a young man, late teens, spiking a high fever and unresponsive, I'm turning onto the road now, I can be there in twenty or thirty minutes."

He didn't give them any more details. He could think of a cover story on the road. They could worry about police poking around after Erick had been tested and treated.

I really didn't think I'd serialise any of these, yet here I am

Masterlist Main account

Taglist for the dynamic duo: @lavndvrr

[gunkreads]

Probably a nit i'm picking here but I've noticed that when people's praise of a story annoys me, it's almost always because they're praising an individual element of that story that, in my eyes, doesn't fit into a cohesive whole or add anything to a larger narrative structure or set of themes.

I feel like it's very easy to find individual elements of storytelling--in my experience, usually worldbuilding details or elements of character arcs--that absolutely floor you. Pretty often, a story will have several of those elements, sometimes in a row! They don't make a story good.

What's the in between? Where do we go on the way from point to point? Are these compelling revelations or arcs presented with adequate lead-in and follow-through, or do they appear from nowhere? Do facts about the setting get insinuated before and after they're explicitly revealed, or are they presented to you and subsequently ignored?

The latter cases of these usually end up coming together to make stories that are fucking GREAT to talk about and reflect on, but a little painful to actually read, watch, listen to, or play critically. One of my all-time favorite TV shows is a prime culprit of this: Into the Badlands. It's a show full of the baddest ass ideas on paper that just don't get executed all that well. Shit comes outta nowhere, but when it's on screen, it's awesome! Then it's gone and forgotten. I love the show a lot, but it's just not stitched together well.

Another great example: Destiny. This game/series is infamous for having a story told almost entirely offscreen. There's a reason the Grimoire (effectively all the written background lore) is published as its own collection of books. The problem is, none of these amazing stories are delivered well-- and by "well", I mean "at all". It's a video game whose primary story is incredibly basic, but has a shitballs bonkers universe of history behind it that makes that main story goddamn insanely compelling! That history, though, is told almost exclusively through in-game, completely skippable text files. It's provided many a deep and mellifluous British youtube narrator with an entire decade long career of turning the written lore into narrated slideshows. But if you only play Destiny (yknow, the thing you're supposed to do with a game), that shit's straight up not there! It's certainly gotten better at times (Witch Queen), but it's a bad average. Hell, it's a bad median.

This isn't about ideas that conflict or are dissonant; I've found plenty of stories that pull dissonant ideas together into a compelling whole (cough cough Wheel of Time). This is about stories that can't deliver all those ideas in a cohesive way, and it's about how eager fans tend to be to praise a story that's a pile of shiny parts on the floor. You don't walk into the junkyard to see a pile of disassembled parts and say "What a nice car", you say "This engine could run, these tires have plenty of tread, this strut's bearings are still good". A story made of quality components is not automatically a good story. One of the best functions of fandom is to collaboratively assemble that car, though! We just need to acknowledge that the pile on the ground is not a car.

Here's my call to action: check the fucking glue. What's holding the good elements of a story together? How do these things tie in thematically to each other, and how are they juxtaposed within the linear narrative that makes those ties effective? Does the message of one good element overlap significantly with another, and does that overlap weaken or strengthen each element? Is the story using its medium well, or at all?

Enjoyment of a story has little relationship with how cohesive the narrative is; I think we all know that by now. I still think it's worthwhile to ask yourself whether your story is a good STORY or a collection of good IDEAS.

[yuraslefttoe]

hey, it's me again! I came to pester you with questions!! *there should be a scary laugh, but it sounds more like mean giggles*

(by the way, I’m thinking about sending you such long texts with questions (because I have a lot of them!!) once one or two weeks, if you don’t mind. . . . . . .you don't mind..??? (god, I hope you don’t get tired of me..!) I'm so sorry, please, I'm just very interested!! *qwq*)

ok, let's start with the sweetest part, prelude. ACTUALLY, I DIDN'T EXPECT THAT YOU REPLY SO QUICKLY, GOD, NOT PASSED A FEW HOURS!!!!!! I THOUGHT YOU HAD TOO MANY QUESTIONS SO I DID NOT EXPECT A SO SOON REPLY!!

I’ll remind you once again how much I adore your work (after all, you deserve it!!), and I’ll also say that I specifically shouldn’t talk about posts tagged with the  adm, because I’ve read your tumblr and twitter in its entirety several times, I even have a separate album in my gallery with answers that particularly interested me, there are several hundred screenshots there and I don’t regret anything! (sorry if my hyperfixation may be intimidating!!)

*=^._.^= ∫*

and now the questions!!!! 

1. my wife doesn’t have a tumblr, but her suggestion interested me and can be seen in the first two screenshots(the translation sounds like: “after the release of “red hour” I have an assumption that andrey is more... athletic than misha. either this is because of ferry’s drawing style, or he really has such wide shoulders")so now we are interested to know about the physique of your characters!! maybe some of them are thin, or vice versa, a little overweight. and what about physical training? did you have any headcanons for this??? ( by the way, when I ask about “characters” I mean not only misha and andrey, but also europe and maya, because they are also worthy of attention <зз) 

2. what about the abbreviation "dyusha" for andrey? in russian it is... not used very often, but still, it sounds very cute. so it would be interesting to know how you would feel about this? 3. I also want to hear about the names of the characters!! how did you choose them? I mean........ how did it happen that from ☺europa☺ you switched to 👹MiKhAiL👹?? (I'M SO SORRY, BUT MISHA'S FULL NAME SOUNDS SOMETHING THREATENING. MY UNCLE'S DOG HAS THE SAME NAME EHE- *ᕕ(ಥ▽ಥ)ᕗ*) 

4. and lastly, let's return to my wife for another moment. she suggested that andrey was now also in a time loop. what do you say about that? and also in enigma, she noticed that misha seemed to be addressing the second person in the lines: "and if you wanted to be anything more than just free" and "you’ve seen a hundred lies I see that all the time". is this second person a viewer? or maybe one of the previously mentioned characters??

the last photo, by the way, is one of the sketches that I found so far in my gallery! ^^ 

initially it was planned to attach two sketches, but andrey turned out TOO bad, I’m ashamed to show him. someday I'll redraw it into something normal.... maybe. but! I really like the pic with misha and the wolf(I hope this is the wolf you were talking about lol. google didn’t show me anything else, and I’ve never been to ikea myself, ehe...) 

(and I don’t want to post all this yet, because running a tumblr was certainly not part of my plans, haha)) I registered here solely to read your blog, and not to maintain my own) 

sorry again for possible illiteracy, and also for the chaotic nature of my thoughts, haha, I don’t know how to adequately express them in english.. and also, I’m really REALLY apologize that the text was too long, next time I’ll try to be shorter...

okay im gonna try and answer everything here in a coherent way so sorry if nothing makes sense

im just fine with lotes of questions :) answering asks and responding to comments is one of my favorite things ever and i brings a verry big smile to my face

on andrei: i consider him to be a skinny little gut but not exactly unathletic, and in addition i think he would have basic combat training and probably be good with firearms. misha is probably a very average bodytype, nothing special, not particularly athletic.

i do not speak russian (though ferry has recently encouraged me to learn so maybe in like four years ill be able to form a sentence) so i dont know anything about the short forms so you can do whatever you want. if you coin it and peoples tart calling him that i will not stop it from happening

i do not name my characters, i usually let me friends name them (i think that the only one i named was europa and his partner). going forward maybe ill try to make it more cohesive

the time loop idea im seeing thrown around alot is really cool and while i havent particularly wrote any of my songs about that in general i see it fitting into the loose narrative i have going on. also in enigma misha is definitely talking to andrei whenever he says the word "you" but it could also be to the listener because the entire theme of enigma is 4th wall breaking and meta shenanigans like that

that sketch is SO CUTE oh my god

[pennyserenade]

i saw that there’s going to be a new x-files series developed by ryan coogler and BOOKED IT to your blog!!! what do you think??! how do you feel??!!

first off: i love you omg??? i love that show so much--more than words can adequately express, as i'm sure you're aware--and im honored you want to hear my thoughts about this news.

at first i said that i wasn't going to say anything because admittedly not all my thoughts are great, and i don't want to shit on it before it even gets the chance to prove its worth. i'm not at all opposed to diversity being added into the x-files, or the show being developed by a person of color. in fact that's one of the things i'm most excited for regarding this. the entire time i watched the original show i noticed the startling lack of diversity in the cast, the plot, and the writers room. the original show does suffer at times from being written namely by white men and i think the x-files reboot probably will do better in terms of those things. at least i certainly hope

what i'm hesitant about is the fact that i don't see the x-files working in the modern day. when they did the revival back in 2018 (? i don't remember the exact year because i wasn't there yet, but i think it was around that time) it was obvious that they were all scrambling to make the plots work in the contemporary age. so much of the conflict in the x files is wrapped around the fact that fox mulder cannot prove that the government is doing all of these heinous shit, and that the paranormal and extraterrestrial stuff is real. he never could collect any tangible evidence that couldn't be ruined and he never could garner enough public support even if he did have it to build up to anything reputable before it was. they were always able to discredit him. now he could do that. we live in an age where everyone has a cell phone and an opinion and we can all get things to people faster than the speed of lightening.

but also there's the fact that every one has a cell phone and an opinion. it might not work, not because the characters can get evidence quickly and then, bam, the conflict is all gone, but also because conspiracies aren't what they used to be. we live in paranoid and tired age. our computers track us, companies own our data, and we see more ads in one year than someone in the 1960s saw in their entire lives. since 2020 i've heard the united states government twice confirm the existence of aliens and ufos. and then you've got shit like qanon and the campaigns of constant misinformation and no one is exactly sure what is real and what isn't. put fox mulder from the 90s on twitter or reddit for a week and you've got a terrible mess on your hands. in the revival scully literally tells him, "mulder the internet isn't good for you." much of the same can be said about the entire x-files in general. it simply doesn't have that magic that it did in the 90s when you translate it for the modern day.

my last complaint is the fact that i love mulder and scully so much, and the idea of anyone but these two characters doing the government work they did feels sacrilegious. i don't want other people playing fox mulder and dana scully, and i don't want other people playing remixed versions of fox mulder and dana scully. if they're going to start new i sure hope they start from scratch because these are two characters who are so beloved and cared about. i think it's almost disrespectful to tread on the paths they already walked.

having said all that i do think this reboot isn't without its hope. a lot of what i complained about can be solved with a simply putting this reboot in a different time period. i'd love to see what the an x files-like government sector would like in the '60s, '70s, or '80s. there's a lot to be said about the government in those time periods. it was all rife with reasonable conspiracy and i think they could very well do with making diverse storylines and all of that. i want this to succeed more than anyone. i'm just scared about it lol

[cherishedproperty]

Communities and Safety (or, Why You Should Do Your Own Vetting)

I've said it before, but the bdsm community on Tumblr literally changed my life. It helped me put into words the way I'd been feeling and the things I didn't even fully know I was missing. It showed me that I wasn't alone. My local kink community has also had a profound effect on my life. I can't imagine my life without either one of those.

That said, I think it's important to recognize that these are open communities. There is no vetting process for membership; you just kind of show up. People wander in and out. Many of us who are part of the bdsm community here have wandered in from other corners of this site, and that's a beautiful thing. But it also means that the community has no firm boundaries of who is in or out.

There are, of course, norms that we try to establish and uphold. Be over 18. Don't comment on a person's pictures (even sexually explicit ones) with elaborate fantasies about what you want to do with their body. Call out abusers when there's adequate proof. Be kind and try to educate the newbies.

Being an active part of the community means you have some responsibility for keeping it safe. But it can’t just be a community responsibility. Communities are inherently flawed, and made up of flawed individuals. Sometimes we miss stuff. Sometimes we disagree on what meets the threshold for a call-out. It’s an imperfect system, especially in an open community where people may not even know many of the members. You can’t rely solely (or even mostly) on the community to ensure all of its members are safe and up to code.

At the end of the day, everyone is responsible for their own vetting. That goes for any sort of community or social group, but especially for online communities—and especially where sexuality and alternative lifestyles are involved. I’m not saying not to get to know people. Isn’t connection the whole point? You 100% should get to know some people whose perspective you trust, who you think give good advice. But there can be a big difference between a blog and the person behind it.

I don't have any great advice for how to do your own vetting—at least not anything that hasn't been said a million times before. But here's a few things to keep in mind, specifically regarding bloggers on Tumblr:

Don't sacrifice your privacy or your boundaries, even with friends or people whose blogs you really like. Very few people on here know my real name or enough about me to identify me. Most earned that trust over years, and I still regret it in some cases.

Don't equate popularity with safety. There are blogs that get tons of asks for D/s advice that I can't for the life of me understand why.

Don't assume that a blogger is trustworthy just because they interact with other bloggers who seem trustworthy. I reblog thoughtful writing and perspectives all the time from people I don't follow or don't know well. And I only really know a handful of people who reblog from me.

Don't assume that you know a lot about someone because they share personal details on their blog. It may give them an air of being genuine and transparent, but it can be a faux/curated transparency.

The last couple of months have been a great reminder of that for me. Multiple people that I've known for years—that I've spent countless hours talking to through some of the most painful moments in my/their life—have turned out not to be who I thought they were. It definitely surprised me. But I tend to start with an assumption that it's a lot of fucking work to misrepresent yourself over that span of time. I am way too lazy/tired to go through all that effort. But maybe it's not so hard for some people. I don't know.

That said, I refuse to give up my faith in people or in this community. I have met people I consider genuine friends here. And if they turn out to be secret assholes too, then I guess I'm willing to take that risk. It's worth the connection and fulfillment I've gotten from those relationships.

I still believe in the value of this community. I still believe there's no other place like the Tumblr bdsm community for learning from the experiences and perspectives of others. But it's worth the reminder that each of us is ultimately responsible for our own vetting.

[sayhellotothedusk]

For Henry 🫁 only

The way I imagine the whole thing is admittedly simple

I've gotten home from an overnight shift, tired but very happy to be home and finally crawl into bed with you, just home in time to know you'll still be asleep if you had good luck staying asleep.

You can imagine my joy, double checking your text or walking in and seeing that little signal we agreed on for days like these, hoping against everything that you slept well and deeply for more then simply the love of you.

Imagine my joy, walking as quietly as I'm able in the front door, muffling it's click behind me and shedding work clothes as carefully as I can before I go to see if youre asleep. Imagine how excited I am, seeing you soundly asleep in the bed we share, sporting whatever we decide tells me exactly what you want to be woken up to.

Between aching joints and an aching heart my love, there's a part of me that aches far worse, and you just gave me the green light to soothe at least that ache so we can both rest easy.

It's all too exciting to be able to spread soft kisses across you, trying so hard to stay delicate enough not to wake you prematurely, a game testing just how featherlight I can be. Hearing your soft breaths against my skin, freezing at the slightest shifts, holding my breath till you seem to settle and leave me free to take handfuls of you for myself to admire.

I wish my words were more adequate in how long I'd love to take, but with the sun coming up I know I won't have forever, just long enough if I'm careful to give you a proper good morning.

Eventually I might not have the patience or fear running out of time, and so I wander lower for a taste of you, knowing you'll open up so easily if I move you gently enough. I'm free to admire you then, how the wetness of you glistens on my fingers, how good it feels to finally be able to touch you and the thrill of the risk I might wake you up too soon.

Listening to you get more breathy, little clipped sounds come through without a thought. I wonder if you truly process much about the moment, if your mind registers anything other than the feeling that touch causes, if you're any closer to feeling it with each finger that gets added, rubbing inside and out. Slowly, carefully, trying to stretch you open but by bit and not take too long, saying small blessings for the curtains that ward off the full brightness of morning light long enough to allow me this moment.

I know I'd be overeager, all too desperate to pull my fingers or tongue and lips from you (as devastating as it would be). How difficult it would be to sink in slowly enough not to wake you at first, starting to draw closer to being impossible to sleep through.

Those gorgeous broken little whines, high and fragile as glass in my ears, all too close to disturbing that hazy state of mind.

Whether you wake or not, you offer me an absolutely gorgeous sight, relaxed completely and utterly, my love, my sunshine. The way you stretch around the length of me, every gorgeous and undignified sounds you're simply too exhausted or unaware you're even making. You are absolutely perfect this way.

It can end one of two ways really, and both are equally exciting.

The first is that I happen to wake my pretty baby up just a little too early. Perhaps I was too hasty, too intensive too quickly, or maybe you simply rose from sleep faster then I could see through the game. I lost, but I would hardly call what follows a bad thing. Stirred awake to the feeling of being full, of being gently broken down. If you're awake, I have no reason to pretend I'm doing anything else, and I can add much louder things to my tools just to see you crumble, to watch you cum for me before you even have the thoughts enough to process words, to feel yourself be filled as deep as I can.

The second is that I win, I don't quite wake you too early, or whatever I do is simply not quite enough to fully raise you from the depths of sleep. I hope you're having a good dream baby, given the pretty sounds you keep making, the nonsense mumbling. I hope that even if you don't wake up, I get to watch you tense, feel you squeeze me tight and take every drop I have for you. When you wake at your true hour, dizzy with the remaining euphoria, still soaked and leaking what I left for you.

Either way, no matter when you wake up, it will be a lovely time for me to take care of my bedtime routine, after I can smother you in kisses and clean up after myself of course. A wonderful way to say good morning, and goodnight for my post shift bedtime with you beside me.

[enihk-writes]

i read your comment reply to the "x reader needs to be completely ambiguous" post and i have to say, i agree with your whole statement.

i am a poc fanfic writer myself and i think it is weirdly entitled when someone demands inclusion in that way? the majority of fanfic nowadays gives correct tags (i.e. f!reader or specific title!reader) and is inclusive enough (not using light/dark when talking of colours of skin/eyes/hair, not specificying on body type just saying that are shorter/taller than certain characters)

so I don't really understand OP's whole... rant. and about the whole personality and bg story? most long fics require some adequate backstory for their protagonist a.k.a the reader, so they need a backstory to be somewhat interesting right?

and did you read their PS 2? I have to say that writing ambiguous readers are easier (not easy, just less difficult) on short stories like drabbles or headcanons or one shots. but long fics? it is borderline impossible unless you want to have a boring 2-dimensional protagonist with the personality of a potato.

not to mention writers who write the untagged oc! reader stories are probably young. like 14 15 young. writers at that age are just writing for themselves and probably are new to the whole "writing for fandom" sphere.

idk anymore, I just wanna say I agree with your statement even if I'm afraid to reveal myself bc I'm scared of getting cancelled lmfaooo

i just saw their ps 2 and i personally think they're doubling down on a point just because someone else might not agree with them... ive been writing fanfiction since i was 13,,, im like 22 now, and i feel like what people in fandom nowadays (fuck i sound like a boomer urggghhh) forget that x readers were created as a form of self-insert. you as a reader just happen to have the "privilege" to also read this piece of fanfiction that someone else created to satisfy their own fantasies and thought that "hey i think someone like me out there might enjoy this too!!!"

i wouldn't say their rant is entitled, i guess they're not wrong but also,,, it's icky,, just that something in that rant is icky to me,,, ive seen this same argument over and over again in the past few years and many people have pointed out really good points (i.e. lack of poc rep) which is why i think it's great to highlight and boost poc!reader fanfics so that other poc writers know that they are appreciated in that fandom space!!! which brings me to the part in their rant where they talk about writing about ambiguous readers.

is it easy? to an extent, yes.

in my mind when i write fanfics, they are all faceless, shapeless entities,, but there is only so much i can do with this character that i cannot imagine. what happens when i want to explore certain topics that i might relate to? i can't expect my readers to understand what it's like being a first-generation immigrant in a first-world city, whose home country is now going through a civil war? but does that mean i'm going to not post what i write as an x reader? no! i'm going to post it so that you as a reader can see what goes on in my head, how i see the world and hopefully, that reader can appreciate the work i have put out that i wrote with my heart.

that's my side of the story. and honestly someone not liking a fic because it doesn't relate to them is the most self-centred take i have seen and it used to be a valid argument but now,,,, it's morphing into plain old "what about me?" and they end the conversation at that,,, like why should writers care about you? if you're not the target audience for these fics,, move on!!!

if you are, great! good for you!

if you want to see something specific, open that fucking word document and write!!!! im so tired of seeing people complain and complain without doing anything to change things themselves like okay boss babes let's stop with the lip service and do something with the abilities you have!!! it's going to be the shittest writing ever the first few times but by your 10th or 20th fanfic you are getting somewhere, you are writing the literature you want to see in fandom spaces and who knows,,, you could find your own audience that loves your niche!!!

maybe it's just the way ive been raised but the amount of self-centred individualistic sentiment that has been going on in recent years is so!!!!!! it makes me want to fucking scream!!!! write it yourself!!! do it yourself!!!! im not obliged to write anybody's preferences other than my own!!!!

[professor-glasses]

give me all your svern facts NEOW !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!

Send !! to learn about an OC

Svern (which is of course not his birth name) is a genius prodigy who was born and spent much of his childhood growing up in the Unova region. His identity as Svern and his birth identity are two severely different people and if you know him as either one or the other, you are extremely unlikely to know or connect him to the other.

Although he likes to act like a rambunctious and annoying, reckless guy, he is actually very quiet by nature. He's very analytical, cynical and smart, which is part of what makes him feel alienated from other people. The other thing that separates him is he doesn't experience the same normal emotional range as others. So he has trouble feeling things deeply, which means he's constantly bored and detached. He won't show this side of personality unless he really trusts someone. He doesn't consider his masking to be totally "fake" either, though, and if you try and suggest it/pick one as "real" and the other as "fake", he'll probably laugh at you, because that's a simplistic viewpoint.

He is not a natural redhead, he wears a wig and he changes it often, that one just happens to be his favourite and trademark look. After all, why wait for 6 months for your hair to grow out when you feel like having it long for one day when you can just Make it longer. Or change the colour twice a week. (Also his natural hair is black which in general would make dyeing it a bigger than usual pain anyway.)

Similarly, he wears coloured contacts all the time. The amber/yellow is his favourite again although he does use other colours if he feels like it. His natural eye colour is a bright turquoise.

He likes trying out a lot of different outfits, and since he's naturally very confident and doesn't really feel embarrassed about anything ever, he can summon the charisma to rock pretty much anything.

His brain is extremely big so he knows a lot about a lot of things, learns more easily, and remembers everything always. This can be good and bad (for other people, for himself it's fine and useful). But it's important to note that this is another reason he struggles with being bored all the time! His brain chews things up too quickly. He doesn't particularly value his huge talent. Again, he is apathetic about it, like about many other things. It's just the way he happens to be. He doesn't use it to be ambitious, he uses it to be a silly & annoying guy.

He likes bugs a lot, for some reason.

He also likes a lot of science stuff and technology stuff.

He's 164cm / 5'5" tall, so he's a bit on the shorter side. That and his face make him look cute and Little Guyish (I think...).

Please be careful about the Whimsy. The Whimsy often fools people. If you think he is a cute little guy, or an adoptable rascal, you have been fooled by the whimsy. He will take advantage of this.

He dabbles in crime things and he's very good at parkour. He did gymnastics in school. He did theatre as well. He was supposed to be learning violin, but he got tired of it since it wasn't his idea, so later his Ditto did his lessons in his place. She can play very well now.

He illegally modded his Porygon-Z to be able to change type and boost its stats at will, access all 3 potential abilities at once, as well as learn any move for which there exists Technical Machine data.

Without giving all the full names, his birth name is Sylvester V.E. Rey-Nellson. His parents are rich and into business. He doesn't like them very much. The only family member he likes is his paternal grandpa who I keep thinking about the possibility of being a trans man even though I don't think I'm adequately able to implement that right now. Babey Svern hit all his milestones early and everyone would have loved him very much if he wasn't a weird kid and they weren't jerks.

As an adult, he joins a criminal organisation for funsies and pretends to be mediocre, before coming into contact with a very strange rock that would take way too long to explain here. I have many thoughts on this rock which I have written meta posts about on his rp blog. Svern thinks it's very cool and on a conceptual level it is but he will unfortunately end up regretting it when it's not fun anymore later.

His favourite kind of food is spicy. The spicier, the better. If it makes him cry that's great. If he gets used to it he has to seek spicier food.

He can't cook much. He doesn't know how. He could learn very easily if he tried for even a short time but he's lazy and impatient.

So he doesn't.

If he has to do something he doesn't want to anyway, he'll complain a lot about it very loudly, and then escape when you're not looking.

Find images of him here on my Brand New, Organised Art Blog.

[snowmuttgetsweird]

08.02.24, afternoon

Feeling okay today.

I did, in fact, do a partial workout last night cause it was late and I was already pretty tired from the day's activities. Pretty much just squats and shoulder press. Very lazy, but right now at least, this early into my "journey," any workout is better than none and it's more about building the habit than anything. One of the things I keep trying to remind myself is that, this early on, I really strictly don't need much extra besides adequate protein, rest, and to lift heavy on a regular basis. That's literally it- that much will carry me for a LONG time before I really hit the point that I just can't get any bigger without really doubling down on what I eat, adding supplements to the mix, etc.

I think I still need to lift heavier for my squats. Right now I'm doing 50lbs between two 25lb dumbbells, and while it IS challenging to reach the end of my fifth set (5x8), I don't really feel it the next day at all. I know you don't have to feel sore the day after every workout for it to have been a GOOD workout, but admittedly I didn't really go out of my way to find my max, so I think I'm gonna try 60lb next time since the next dumbbell weight up is 30lb each, and see how that works out. If I CAN finish the set with those, I'll keep moving up until I reach a weight I can't finish all 5 sets at and then back up to the last one I WAS able to finish all 5 sets with.

I've also gotta be a little more mindful about the order I do my workouts in. The other day I did all my shoulder stuff BEFORE chest flys, and my shoulders were just way too exhausted to bring the weights in after that, so I ended up having to use way lighter weights.

I HAVE heard that you can strategically exhaust certain muscle groups in order to force other muscles used in compound exercises to work harder to carry you through you sets and ultimately get a better workout for those muscle groups, but by the time I'm through with all my shoulder stuff, I can barely lift my arms high enough to reach the door knob that lets me out of the gym, so I don't think that's something I'm gonna have to worry about.

I feel like there are certain exercises I kinda "treat" myself to. Like, the exercises I just like doing- hammer curls, wrist curls, etc. I might start doing calf raises too. I mentioned in passing on my fursona's ref sheet that my calves are weirdly huge- like disproportionately big and sculpted for my weight. They're one of my favorite groups of muscles, like forearms, and I really like seeing the way they move and flex to accommodate different movements. Calves are one of those muscles that activates that reptile part of my brain and says "that's a turkey leg- you should bite that" lol. Forearms slightly less so, but I just like the look of big, muscular forearms. It's attractive to me I think.

I wish I had a proper squat bar and barbell press at my gym. Barbells in general really- roman deadlifts are one of those, like, staple compound exercises that build practically everything and there isn't really a proper replacement for it, and I just can't do it in my gym. I don't have anything I can really do rows with either, so finding good exercises for my back have been challenging. We don't even have a pull-up bar lol.

Think I'll do leftover red beans and rice for lunch and then cook something for dinner with a ground beef I pulled out of the freezer the other day, before it goes bad. I'll figure something out.

I think that, overall, exercise has been good for me so far. It's something that, every time I start it, I end up wondering "why did I ever stop?" I like exhausting myself, I like the little aches I get after a good workout, I like feeling like I'm making a good, healthy decision, I like feeling stronger. I know it's all water weight atm, but I like looking in the mirror and seeing myself slim down a bit. It feels good, it's satisfying, and the only thing that ever stops me is a big spike in depression or disappointment. I get the "what's the point"s and "it doesn't matter"s. Skip one day, I'll do it later. Skip the next, I got busy, had to do other things. Skip another- if I start now the schedule will be off. Start fresh next week. Before I know it, a month later I'm looking for a snack in my pantry, anxiously trying to avoid eye contact with a dusty bag or tub of protein powder, and wishing I hadn't let that yogurt or that cottage cheese go to waste.

I'd like to say that sometimes I just take on too much or make it too complicated- and to some degree that might be true- but really it just comes down to "sometimes I get depressed long enough that I can't pull out fast enough to get back into the gym."

Trying really hard this time. I'm not gonna fall off the wagon again. I can't- I'm too old. At this point in my life, when it's a little harder to get out of bed every morning and it's only gonna get harder and harder to lose weight and build muscle, this is basically my last chance to "succeed;" to start it and stick with it. To start caring about myself. If not now, then when? Ten years ago, that COULD have been "next week" or "next month" or "next year" but I'm gonna turn 35 this year and strictly speaking I'm now officially beyond my "prime." It's going to be harder to make happen what I want to happen now than it would have been ten years ago, and my punishment is that I've gotta work that much harder- all the more reason that I can't give in now. Can't let some dumbass hormones and bad chemistry get the better of me again. Low testosterone? Fuck it, we ball. I'll make my own. No dopamine or shitty receptors? FUCK IT, WE BALL. I'll make my own.

I have to. I can't keep failing. This is the ONLY THING that, no matter what, I can control almost every single variable of. I can't make other people like me, I can't make other people employ me, I can't make other people buy my art, but the only thing stopping me from being strong and healthy is me. Depression, anxiety, money, ADHD, ignorance, whatever; they may be the reason I haven't been able to get this far before now, but they don't excuse any lack of effort. When I fall down, only I can pick myself back up. No one else is going to. The chemistry in my brain isn't going to just fix itself one day and hand me the motivation- it's something I have to create myself. Even if there is none, it doesn't mean I don't have to do it. Even if I have to do it shitty, even if my workout ends up being, like, 10 curls and some crunches, I have to do it. I have to be able to say I did SOMETHING. And if there's anything ADHD HAS taught me, it's that once I can trick my brain into getting STARTED with something, often times that's enough to carry me through the rest of the way, so sure, maybe it starts with some knee push-ups, but that turns into push-ups, and crunches, and squats, and bench press, and it just keeps going because that's just how my brain works. The hardest part is just getting the ball rolling, but once it does, momentum carries it forward as far as it'll go. I got this far? Well maybe I can actually go a little further. Oh I hit my next milestone a little earlier than I thought- let's keep it up.

Now I gotta do the part of my day I don't vibe with as much lately- it's time to draw. Past time honestly, I've been starting way too slow today.

Wish me luck.

[cupidmanic]

i know how i get that's why it's easier to stick to myself. you tell people you scared to let them in and shit still happens the same so i just don't expect anything anymore, and i don't fight for people anymore. most of the time they've made up their mind about you a long while ago, they just use up whatever they can from you till they're ready to discard. until you're no longer convenient. i'm just tired of it, i don't want that done to me anymore. i just want to feel at ease and be loved adequately, and honestly. aren't i deserving of that? aren't i deserving of something good, something that lasts? that doesn't tear me down and leave me building myself back up alone again? i don't want struggle love. i don't want to suffer for anything at all. i'm not sad, just reflecting. i'd rather do the work now so that i don't become the assholes i claim to hate in the end. it all just weighs heavy on my heart, that's all. but one day it won't

[ryan-is-a-god]

I'm pretty sure my entire life's problems can be chalked up to never getting enough sleep and having a negative attitude. Of course getting my ADHD treated helped immensely but that doesn't solve everything.

One day I was so tired, and I struggle to sleep normally; I literally left a conversation and said I'm going to sleep at like 9pm. Please note that I usually would never consider sleeping earlier than even 1 am before.

Anyhow, the next day omg I woke up at 6:30 am because I didn't want to oversleep and I was so rested I made delicious food and watched anime first thing in the morning, specifically a very positive anime, I think it might have been my next life as a villainous. I actually for the first time in a long time, worked out. Well, not working out per say, because I still have to trick my brain, no I played sports with my sibling, turned on good ol' Wii sports and played some DDR. After that I started sleeping and waking up at a decent time every day, and I actually felt fine even if I messed up a day here and there.

Only recently did I mess up my sleep for a few consecutive days, in which I felt sluggish and tired like I always have before. Recently I was discussing how much sleep a human requires, I assumed it was 5 hours for most people, and found out that it is actually 7-9 hours for adults, and even more time for younger people. Of course some people can get less but that's not true for most. Here I thought I was the insane one for struggling to wake up with less than 7 hours now, and when I was a teenager, good luck getting 5!

The point of this is just that I was so defeatist, I will never sleep normal, never wake up at a good time, never feel rested, but I did! I actually did! So now I'm going to ensure I get enough sleep tonight, I'm not sacrificing my sleep for anything. I even managed to stay pretty well on track during school, and these assignments are never ending.

I had a friend who did everything in highschool; I admired her so much, she worked out, cooked all her food, woke up early, studied, was literally the valedictorian, and still had time to hang out and play video games.

The most impressive part to me was that she managed all that while keeping a good sleep routine, eating healthy, and exercising.

She's half the inspiration for why I still keep up with this new schedule now, because, I know she did it, and I know it wasn't always easy for her, and really we all can do this, if anything this part should be the easy part.

Anyways this is partly to remind myself to get adequate sleep and work out today after I finally clean my room and work on my assignment. The other part is to remind everyone that taking care of yourself is always the base priority, everything that is so hard, like managing time, or work, or whatever, is secondary and usually gets easier the more you take care of yourself.

I mean just a year ago or so I thought I was gonna die on the couch barley able to move, and now I'm doing what I thought was literally impossible; taking care of myself, doing school work, AND actually having time to work on side projects!

I probably missed a lot of what I wanted to say, and while I would usually scold myself for writing this instead of working on my assignments, this took only a few minutes, contrary to the hour or two I use to feel was being wasted away.

Remember if something is hard to do, just make it fun. I don't like cooking, but I do like eating fancy looking food while watching anime. I don't like exercising, but I do like playing video games like Wii sports or actual sports. I don't like sleeping, but I do like lying down in a warm blanket with a favourite movie playing as I close my eyes for just a moment.

[pruning-the-minds-garden]

The monthly phone call...

... with my mother. Gah.

(Well okay maybe bi-monthly, or as infrequently as I can get away with. I'm near 40 and despise talking to her because the relationship has only deteriorated as time has gone on. I would cut off contact completely but frankly, at this point, if I cut off contact then both of her children will have entirely done so. Maybe - definitely - that's her fault, but I still feel like that'd be too much. Anyway.)

Yeah cutting the rest because nobody needs to read me venting but I need to write it for my own good.

Why did she call me two days before the midterm elections?!? She knew she was going to be in an imagined frenzy over some illusory threat that Fox News spun up as the Storm of the Century, in order to make her vote Straight Red on election day, and yet she called me.

She felt the need to insinuate every stupid lie on the phone with me (we're gonna run out of diesel! Supply chain's going to break! Armageddon's coming! taxes are through the roof! ... I'm fortunate she didn't start talking about transgender sports or I'd have lost it), forcing me to decide whether to swing at those pitches or let them whiz past my ears. Why is it that in a call to "check on me" she felt the need to tax my mental health like that? What the fuck is wrong with her?

I'm fucking tired of the woman insinuating that I don't know how to read or understand anything, and yes I pushed back on some shit because I was tired of it. I know how to read reports from the Energy Information Administration. I have been working in the petrochemical safety and regulation sector for a DECADE now, I routinely read reports exactly like that one. You, on the other hand, are a fucking accountant. Get a grip on yourself, woman. This is exactly like when you lectured my brother - a MOTHERFUCKING DOCTOR, a practicing hospitalist running a whole-ass hospital - about COVID.

Also, I didn't want to get a damn Armageddon Food Survival Pack for my BIRTHDAY, no fucking thank you. One, that's a shitty birthday gift. Two, if the Apocalypse really does come I will either (1) be dead, (2) join a collaborative socialist commune like a proper human being weathering a storm or (3) be fucking dead. Three months of shitty freeze dried not-pemmican ain't gonna help me. If I really do want food I will just get together with my friends, some of the local left-leaning LDS folks (yes they do exist), and we'll make it work.

Jesus FUCKING Christ... my birthday ain't until the end of the month. Wait until Wednesday and THEN give me a call.

You spent like fifteen minutes on the phone telling me how all the "totally not pharmaceuticals" you are taking (psssst: vitamins and herbs and supplements ARE pharmaceuticals, folks; they are just unregulated and so might contain anything, or nothing, and you have no way of knowing how they will interact with what you are taking) cured your anxiety and how you are cool as a cucumber now... and then the rest of the time FREAKING THE FUCK OUT about the state of the world. You do get that people who are being adequately treated for generalized anxiety disorder do not do that, right?!? Ever since your big health scare of a decade ago you have cPTSD and could benefit from therapy as well as pharmaceutical interventions, but like all boomers you are clinging to Garcinia cambogia and green coffee extract like it's a buoy in a hurricane that will let you tough this thing out, and pretending you don't have a problem.

At least dad, when HE had a problem, had the humility to listen to his sons and seek help. That's why we still talk to him and love him and value his company. You? I dread every time I see your name come up on my phone.

[batstorm93672]

Dick and Damian walked down the snow roads, it was nice as the two took moments to enjoy everything.

"Damian"

"Yes Richard?"

"What was it like when you died?"

Damian had to take a second to process what he heard as he opened his mouth and closed it a few times. What would he say? Dick doesn't know.

He can't say it.

He won't let it harm him anymore.

"It felt dark I couldn't feel anything"

"Hm... that doesn't sound right"

Damian stopped as Dick kept walking slowly his back turned to him.

"What... do you mean?"

"I mean, your place upon death is in Hell. Damian"

"...What's going on with you?"

Dick finally stopped and looked back, Damian could see the cold gaze and smile directed towards him. This wasn't Dick smiling, no his smiles were joyful and nice. This one was... wrong.

"I'm just saying the truth Damian. You belong in Hell, no matter what you do or say to make it up. You can't escape your fate"

"Grayson... stop talking like that"

"Hm? Stop saying the truth"

Dick turned on his heel towards Damian, approaching him and Damian felt like fleeing. His body wouldn't listen, he can't move.

"Why shouldn't I Damian? After all, you know you belong in Hell. A special place just for you"

"G-Grayson... I don't like this"

"You don't like the facts that you know are bound to happen? You can't lie to yourself Damian"

Damian looked at Dick, he was smiling and staring at him. "S-Stop... stop saying that. You are not Richard!"

"I'm not? Maybe, but then again, does it really matter. You should enjoy seeing me, cause once you die, it will be the last time you ever see your family"

"Stop!"

Dick placed his hand on Damian's shoulder, an unbearable heat arising from the touch. Damian could smell the scent of burnt clothing on him now.

"Stop it you are not my Grayson!"

Dick lowered down to look Damian in the face, his smile growing "You know where you belong. Damian"

It's getting hot...

Damian was sweating, wanting to so badly take off his jacket, but he can't move.

"Whatever you do, won't change the fact that you will always end up in Hell"

"STOP! I CHANGED"

"You will always end up in Hell, Damian Wayne, son of the Demon and Bat"

"STOP IT"

Then Damian felt the flames as he fell down, chains wrapping around his legs and dragging him.

Feeling the scorching heat so close, his skin was burning everything was burning.

He's going down to Hell

His fate is to be here

Forever

.

.

.

Damian leaped upright, the morning sun creeping in through the blinds. Damian got up and splashed his face with water, taking his medicine and walking out to smell Alfred's cooking.

"Good morning Pennyworth"

"A good morning to you to Master Damian, I hope you slept well"

"It was adequate, what of you?"

"Quite nicely myself"

Damian sat down at the table and watched as Alfred continued to cook.

"Hey you two"

Damian tensed up, it was Dick... he wasn't prepared to hear him not after that dream.

"Hey Dames how are you?"

"Fine. Why are you here?" Damian's voice had a sharpness to it

"I decided to stay for a few days, are you okay?"

"I'm fine"

"Okay, well what's for breakfast Alfred?"

"Scrambled eggs and salad alongside coffee for Master Bruce and Master Tim. Would you like some Master Dick?"

"Sure I'll take some too please"

"May I have water?"

"Of course Master Damian"

.

Bruce, Duke, Stephanie and Tim sat around the table and ate.

Damian kept ahold of his glass of water, taking light sips as everyone spoke.

"Tim, Wayne Enterprises has a meeting scheduled in a few hours, are you able to attend?"

"Of course"

"This early? That doesn't sound right to me"

Damian's grip tightened around the glass.

Hm... that doesn't sound right

What... do you mean?

I mean, your place upon death is in H-

"Son? Are you alright?"

"I'm fine father, simply a little tired is all. It's taking me a moment to wake up fully"

They went back to conversing.

"Well it must suck not being able to escape a work ethic fate like that. You have my sympathies Timmy"

You can't escape your fate

His grip on the cup came to an end as it shattered in his hand. Everyone looked shocked and Damian simply looked at the red on his palm where the glass stuck.

Without a word, Damian stood up and headed to the Batcave.

Damian grabbed a first-aid kit and began to pick out the pieces of glass with a tweezer. The blood grew slightly worse with every part taken out. Damian kept going, until it finally ended as he wrapped his hand with bandages.

"You okay?"

Damian jumped up and looked to see Dick very worried. "I'm fine" "Dami, you just broke a glass cup in one hand and left, that doesn't sound right"

"...I'm fine"

Dick got closer and Damian had to suppress the urge to run.

"Damian, is something bothering you?" Dick kneeled down and placed his hand on Damian's shoulder "You can tell me any-"

Damian slapped Dick's hand away and trembled "No!" "Damian..?" Damian's eyes turned a brighter green and he shoved Dick away.

Falling on his butt he looked at Damian perplexed at the sight of it all. "Damian. What's wrong?"

"Don't-- Ugh! Nothing is wrong!"

"..."

"Stop looking at me like that!"

Dick kept staring in worry and concern. "Damian, talk to me please"

"Y-You know! I said it once don't make me say it again!"

"Say what?"

"...when I died"

"That you went to Hell? You told everyone when you had that bad dream. Did you have a bad dream?"

"..."

Damian nodded and wiped his tears away furiously "You didn't know, you burnt me and told me that I belonged there when I die... you kept looking and smiling, but it wasn't good you scared me"

Dick stood up "Do you want a hug?"

With a small nod, Dick wrapped Damian in his embrace and put his hands through his hair "I'm sorry it felt that way Dami"