#i've been meaning to make this set for like...forever. but I'm too lazy so I just haven't.

[freckleslikestars]

Honey, you should see me in a crown

Claudia Black as Vala Mal Doran in STARGATE SG-1 9.02 | Avalon pt. 2

[cupidspup]

I loved the ticci Toby fic you did! Would you mind doing one for slenderman or Jeff the killer?

Your wish is my command! >:3

CG! Slenderman x Little! Reader

As requested by @theoceantot !! :D

(Art is not mine and credit goes to the original artists!!)

A/N: I'm not sure if you wanted it to be a specific gender BUT I did think it would he cute if I had him with a little who's obsessed with having a fancy tea party with him! I'll try to keep it as gender neutral as possible with some feminine leaning things here and there :3 Also pls ignore any and all spelling/grammar mistakes I always write on my phone and I'm too lazy to check >_> I hope you enjoy! ૮ ᴖﻌᴖა -Cupid ˗ˏˋ ꒰ ♡ ꒱ ˎˊ˗

Summary: You've been waiting all day for your caregiver to make some time for your very important meeting! And finally today is the day he's set everything aside just for you! What shenanigans will ensue for today's play date?

C/W: Feminine nicknames, gender neutral nicknames, use of "sir" and "mister/mr." as nicknames for Slender (not all the time just most of it!!), the use of "papa" as a nickname, mentions of food, mentions/descriptions of slenderman and how his mouth works :]

You sit in your playroom, huffing as you watch the clock in the wall tick back and forth. Your papa said that today was the day you'd finally have some play time!! You've been excited for it all day and you've done everything you could to prepare for it!!

And by that you've prepared exactly what you wanted for today and how you wanted it. You're not high maintenance...just particular! And high maintenance or not, luckily Slender was more than equipped to handle anything from you.

Just before you were about to huff one more time, there's a gentle knock on the door. A loq voice speaks, it would he booming if it wasn't so gentle. Most would be trembling at the sound if such an intimidating voice, but not you no. To you, that's just the voice of your loving and doting caregiver!

"May I come in, dear?"

It says before entering. You sit up excitedly as you speak, "You may!"

The doorknob turns as the door opens. A tall faceless man stands in the doorway, his skin white as snow itself. The one and only Slenderman stands before you and he's here to have only the grandest of times with you.

He ducks as he walks through the door, closing it gently before turning to you. A gentle hand pats the top of your head, his face holds no expression but with his touch says it all.

"Very good job at using your manners, little one. Just like how I've taught you." His praise makes your chest tingle slightly with excitement. He bends down and scoops you unto his arms carefully, making sure not to mishandle you in any way.

"Were you waiting long, sweetness? I know I took longer than expected, however, there should not be any other interruptions now." He says as he rests you against his hip. You cling onto him a little tighter, wrapping your arms around his neck as you pull yourself a little closer. You love your papa but heights will forever make you just a little scared.

You shoot your caregiver a glare. Giving him your poutiest lip and a little huff. To which he chuckles softly as he walks you to the bed.

"I will take that as a yes."

He sets you down before going to your closet filled with all your fanciest little clothes. He opens the doors and looks through the selection. Without looking to you he keeps talking, still looking through all of your dresses and accessories.

"Did you have a specific outfit in mind for today, my little love?"

"Nu uh. But I wanna do tea party, Mister!" You say in return. You kick your feet at the last bit of your sentence, wanting to emphasize how badly you'd like to have that tea party.

"A tea party? Hmmm. That means I need to dress you for the occaision now doesn't it?"

Long black tendrils sprout from his back, each one moving as if it had a mind of its own. They each grab a hold of different dresses and accessories and holding them up so that Slender can close the door.

"Please stand for me my dear, I need to see which outfit will suit you the most. Not to say you wouldn't look darling in all of them of course." He says as he makes his way to you, getting onto one knee.

Once he's down to your level you stand on the floor, arms to your side as you wait for him to pick. He puts multiple dresses in front of you some with ruffles and frills, others with ribbons and sleek cut. Slender loves dressing you up like a little doll. He finds it relaxing and it makes you feel so special knowing he's doing something and keeping you in mind. Finally, he settles on what he deems to be the perfect outfit.

A puffy pink dress with white frills and pink bows, some frilly white bloomers for you to wear under, lacy tights to keep you covered with some matching ruffled socks, some shiny black Mary Jane's, matching ruffled gloves and some clips for your hair. He lays all the necessary things out to keep himself organized while he gets you ready. While he knows you are perfectly capable for the most part of dressing yourself since you're regressed to an older age, he truly does enjoy doing these little things for you. And you would never stop him or tell him no.

Unless if you were in a bratty mood that is.

But today isn't one of those days. Today, you're dying to be fanned over and coddled the way he is doing so now. You love the gentle tone he uses when he asks you to do certain things while changing such as staying still when he buttons up your dress. Or when he sits you down for your socks and shoes and asks you to lift your feet for him to put them on.

One of your favorite parts of Slender getting you dressed is how he is always so gentle. Especially with all the nicknames he uses for you.

"Sweetness" "little love" "darling" "dear" "baby doll" or "dolly" Absolutely anything that will make you feel as pretty and wonderful as you truly are. To Slender, you are as fragile and precious as one of your many teacups from your many tea sets.

Once he has you dressed fully, your most favorite part comes. Slender doing your hair. Him doing your hair and putting it into cute hair styles is your most favorite part. The feeling of his fingers in your hair, the cautious and gentle way he handles you, the way that your hair always comes out exactly how you want it to be whenever he does it. You can't think of any way your caregiver could be better than how he is now.

He holds your gloved hand in his and leads you to your mirrored vanity. Lifting you into your chair and facing you towards your reflection. A little smile creeps onto your face as you look at how pretty you're looking already! Slender's tendrils come back into view, each of them holding a different item that he'll be using for your hair.

First, he spritzes it with some water and detangler. Just to dampen it a little and make easier to untangle any knots and tangles as he combs through it.

" My little one, would you like to practice counting your numbers while I comb your hair?"

You give him a nod and sit up, waiting for your hair to be brushed. If he had a face, he would smile. Instead he brings all your hair back, softly caressing your cheeks in between before gently running the brush through your hair. You count each stroke as he brushes through your hair. Slender always has the gentlest touch saved just for you. It makes you feel all the more special in these moments when he does it the most.

With one last stroke he stops brushing. His black tendrils taking the brush from his hands now. He presses the area where his mouth would reside and keeps it there for a second.

A makeshift kiss for the faceless man.

"You're an excellent counter, I'm so proud of you for learning to count your numbers so well."

You feel your face flush a little when he says this. You cower just a little from the shyness. He notices and rubs the top of your head lovingly before moving on.

With a few hair ties, Bobby pins and other hair accessories your hair is now properly ready for a tea party! It fascinates you how lovely Slender can make your hair look. It makes your chest flutter how doting and caring he can be when it's just you two.

"Let me get a good look at you, darling. I would love to see how fancy you're looking today."

To that you stand up and give him a little twirl, giggling as you do. You shine your bestest smile at him before running up to his less, giving him a big hug.

"Thankie Mister Papa Slendy!!" You say excitedly, smooshing your face into him. He chuckles and pats your head lovingly again.

"Awe, what a polite little thing. You're very welcome. Are we just about ready to start our tea party, little miss?"

You nod your head yes and hold onto his much larger hands, leading him to your pile of stuffies. "Mhmm mhmm!! I juss gotta get ma frens n we ready!!" You say as you start grabbing plushies and putting them into their own pile. Slender uses his tendrils and gentle picks up each of your "friends", making sure they're being treated with the best love and care.

"Little one, would you like me to set up your tea party and make the tea while you ready yourself?" He offers kindly as he sits all of your plushies down in their respective spots. You turn to him with a smile. "Yes peas, sir!"

He nods and walks out of the room, off to find one of his more floral patterned tea sets for you to use. While he's gone you get all of your stuffies ready for the tea party! Some having little hats, or bonnets or ties anything to make them extra fancy! You look at yourself in the mirror and you find that you wanna look extra EXTRA fancy for Slender when he gets back. You sit and think for a moment, your frisky dress poofing up as you do before an amazing idea hits you.

You sit at your vanity and open your dresser, all your makeup sitting perfectly there. Waiting for you to give them a try. You squeal excitedly as you pick out which things to use.

˗ˏˋ ꒰ ♡ ꒱ ˎˊ˗

Just when you added your finishing touches to your very elegant and cute makeup look you hear a knock at the door.

"Princess, may I enter please?"

You squeal and kick your feet excitedly. "Yes papa slendy sir yous may!!" You say with a cheerful tone. Slender turns the knob and lets himself in. In his hands is a tray with all of your tea party needs, everything sorted nice and neatly. He sets everything onto the table and gives each of your friends their own respective tea cup.

"Papa papa!! Wanna see what I dids when you was gone?" You say excitedly as you tug on his pant leg. He turns to you curiously before looking at you and your makeup.

It's over the top and sparkly but perfectly tou, he chuckles and reaches for your hand bringing it up to his "face".

"You look absolutely precious, princess. A divine little doll you are."

He presses his face to your knuckles, another faceless kiss for you.a very gentlemanly one at that. You fidget shyly, playing with the hem of your skirt and muttering a soft thank you to him. He hoists you into his arms and walks to the table before sitting down. Sitting you down into his lap and letting you get comfortable before setting a tea cup in front of you.

You scoot into him and snuggle up, nuzzling into his chest. "May I serve you some tea, dolly of mine?" You nod and look up to him. "I help do it peas?" To which he nods, bringing the tea pot closer to you.

"Of course but be very careful, it is very hot and I would not want you to get burned."

He places your hands onto the tea pot, helping you pour some tea into the cup. He then picks up a small pitcher of cream and pours the smallest amount in.

"Would you like one lump or two, sweetness?"

You put up two fingers to him and he, of course, puts two sugar cubes in. With his tendrils he keeps the tea cup still as he stirs it all in. While he does that he hugs you close with his arms, reaching one hand to gently caress your cheek lovingly. Once he's done stirring the tea he brings the cup to your lips, holding the saucer right under (in the just too cool fancy way).

"Blow gently and take a small sip for me princess, tell me how it is."

You take a deep breath, blowing at the warm tea before taking a small sip. The warm liquid makes you feel just so cozy and comfy. The perfect amount of subtle sweetness. You sigh happily after and smile, relaxing further into him. He chuckles and you can feel the vibrations in his chest when he does.

"I take it that it was to your liking?"

He says and you node back happily in response. "Try it papa, is soooo good!" He nods "Very well, I'll try it." And brings it to his face. To most this would be an odd sight. How would he drink if he has no mouth? Well that's a very easy question.

He simply makes one! ^_^

This would be scary to a lot of people but with the amount of tea parties you have? It's just another ordinary thing to you. Slenderman's face starts to move and almost expand. As it gets longer you see a mouth start to form and almost looks like it's being torn open to do so. Slender doesn't make a sound he's simply doing it as if it was just a common thing. When really it sort of is with the two of you.

Once his mouth was fully open he takes a sip of the tea, looking down to you.

"This is a very nice cup of tea, darling. You helped me make it very nicely. Very well done." He says before offering you another sip.

For the rest of the time the two of you drink your tea. He of course pours some out to all of your friends making sure everyone has their fill and a snack to go with it. You both continue sharing your teacup, taking turns drinking sips from it. Slender even does his pink up when you ask him to. He adores his little doll, seeing how sweet you can be brings him so much joy. He loves you to pieces and would spend as many hours as you'd like having tea parties with you.

You're his little one after all

˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡˚🐾₊˚ෆ🍼

BONUS:

After a other hour or so of you both talking and sharing tea you find that, this tea makes you very sleepy. Not just because of how warm and cozy is makes you feel. Maybe it's the way he's talking to you or maybe it's being in his arms. But it makes you feel so safe and comfy it makes you want to curl up and take a nap right there.

Abd who's to tell you not to?

So that's exactly what you do. While Slender is distracted doing other things, you yawn and start drifting to sleep. Slender is quick to notice this. And being the good papa he is he rubs your back softly, working your shoes off so you'll sleep easier.

"Maybe giving them chamomile tea was not a bad idea after all."

You murmur something in your sleep and burrow your head even deeper. He runs his fingers through your hair as he watches you rest.

"What precious little thing. All tuckered out from just a little tea party." He gives you one last kiss on your head, snuggling you closer as his tendrils reach for your blanket and drape it over you.

"Sleep well, little miss.🩷" He says.

[tempest-teacup]

okay now I'm curious because I've just read through all your ship review stuff what's your OTP/Favourite ship (Any quadrant) for Sollux? I like seeing what people do with him shipwise because I ship him with like,,,, most of the cast (Multishipper moment)

I like the term “ship review” because it makes it sound like I’m writing a newspaper article. “Hello readers, this weekend I investigated Davekat and LET ME TELL YOU…”

Now, okay, you’re about to be sorry you asked because I could write a fricken novel about this one.

I like Erisol a lot and I’m mad at myself for it. Like it feels too obvious of a ship to be good but I’m obsessed. And even after I eventually accepted that I liked them black, I was then angry to learn that I like them flushed too. UGH!!!

Anyway here’s why.

First of all you have to get on board with being an Eridan sympathizer. Yes he is an asshole and a dipshit but that’s kind of the whole deal with Trolls. He just happened to be an asshole dipshit who was born into the equivalent of like, the Tr*mp family or something. Also he had to constantly hunt and murder to keep his species alive. And his best friend and crush kinda maybe used him/lead him on for said hunting and murdering and then literally *dumped him to go smooch another boy the second she didn’t need him anymore.* And they’re THIRTEEN when starting the game, I can’t stress this enough.

Gang, I dunno about y’all but when I was in middle school I had some REAL SHITTY OPINIONS.

Ahem. Moving on.

Sollux also has a similar relationship with Being Responsible For the Fate of His Species. He is also An Asshole Dipshit Teenager. Bro just got born into the opposite end of the spectrum. And I know that all of the Trolls obviously have a relationship to the apocalypse but these two have have been dealing with theirs forever(?) and they are just unescapable parts of how each kid has to exist day to day.

IT’S REALLY SAD!

The more you look at these two, the more they appear as opposites, or if you prefer, the concept of yin and yang. I mean, ugh. Hope and Doom. HOPE AND DOOM, Y’ALL.

They’re both so deep in their own social niches, they look at the other and think “I would NEVER!!” Eridan has so much Hope in the caste system that he blindly believes it will save him in the end. Sollux feels so Doomed by it that he has resigned himself to being a lazy burnout even though we know damn well how much potential has has both as an intellectual and a psionic. In the end both of them reject the destiny that’s expected of them.

Ok, you still with me? Because what I’m doing here is setting up why these two are star-crossed lovers in either/both quadrants.

It’s a little sad that they never get the chance to become kismesis in canon, because not only do they get under eachother’s skin but they are so cat-and-mouse about it. Like, granted I have my issues with Pesterquest but their duel in that is so good. Eridan just casually calling him up, knowing he’s being an ass. Sollux *answering and humoring him.* Eridan’s utter glee at their proposed battle. The way he gets to showboat (heh, boat) about it. The boy gets to VAMP! And Sollux purposely choosing not to to go hard enough to kill him. Come on. These guys are dancing, they’re honing their claws.

Oh and what’s that?? Eridan learning a valuable lesson? Sollux getting off his ass and doing something (that’s not self-destructive)? Oh my, could it be that their rivalry mutually benefits them?! Just look at what a stinky lump Sollux is in HS^2 *without* Eridan.

And then we get into the vacillating/flipping to flushed.

I won’t bore you too much, I can already hear the awards show music playing me off, but I think if there’s a universe where Eridan and Sollux exist post-Erisolsprite then it’s all over for these two losers, they can’t NOT date. Whether they like it or not, they’ve reached a level of intimacy beyond anything they’ve ever experienced. They know eachother’s truest selves, they’ve seen the very best and worst of each other. And hey, guess what they found? Someone who’s just like them and balances the other perfectly.

Mic drop. Book slam. THEY’RE IN LOVE, YOUR HONOR.

[stardustsea]

you get one of each because i'm stalling reading tsc and also trying to figure out how to make breakfast

fmk, would you rathers, or have you evers!

fmk - the julie and the phantoms boys that i don't remember their names yet but you know what i mean

would you rather - have to wear one or seven colors every day

have you ever - swam in open water (like, left a boat to be in the water, as opposed to walking from the shore into the water)

ask me anything about a fandom, character, or ship (unpopular opinions!)

how are you feeling ab the tommy buck arc so far?

ask me about my headcanons! (be specific!)

whats your most niche take about andrew minyard

make me choose?? (between anything!)

who gets the cup next between kraken and flyers (sorry)

tell me about your crushes (tumblr + real life!)

when i was a junior in high school i went to a football game with a girl and it was cold on account of being night time and she let me wear her jacket. we never ended up going out or anything but i think that was peak romance and it ruined me for all other people forever probably

rec me stuff! (films, books, shows, clothing shops, anything!)

i have been absolutely VIBING the fuck out of the new glass animals single it's called creature in heaven and i adore it so much

ask me for recs! (^^^)

all time favorite lego set ?

vent to me! tell me about your day, what are you looking forward to??

vibing in my pajamas because i'm still lowkey devestated about leafs hockey but we r powering through. perhaps i will acquire a little treat for stars tn

what you’re thinking about/doing right now!

what i Should be doing is putting my standing desk together so i don't have to work hunched over like a gremlin all day but instead i think i will watch the new movie adaption of a john green book that came out on max this week because unfortunately that weird old man has the same chokehold on me that he did when i was 16 you know how it is

talk to me about anything!

tell me about YOUR day and one thing you are looking forward to 🫵

go read tsc i wanna talk about it 😭 but i love you

fmk - the julie and the phantoms boys that i don't remember their names yet but you know what i mean

changing fmk to hug-befriend-push into pool bc otherwise the answer is none for any but: hug alex, befriend luke (i have to bully him i HAVE to), push reggie into pool (lovingly, i think he'd enjoy it)

would you rather - have to wear one or seven colors every day

hmmm was gonna say one but it wouldn't be that hard to get some kind of rainbow colored accessory so 7

have you ever - swam in open water (like, left a boat to be in the water, as opposed to walking from the shore into the water)

i've jumped off many boats into water! usually in the middle of lakes. i've also been scuba diving mildly far out into ocean

how are you feeling ab the tommy buck arc so far?

love her dearly! we all know i'm a buddie truther 'til i die but bucktommy has been so fun to watch and i'll be sad when it ends

whats your most niche take about andrew minyard

hmm idk how niche this is but i'll die on the hill that he's not nearly as bad with general touching from people as some of the fandom seems to think he is

who gets the cup next between kraken and flyers (sorry)

aaaaaaaaa at beginning of this season i would've said kraken and i'm still kinda leaning that way but ask me again when kraken are done making offseason moves

all time favorite lego set ?

i really enjoyed the succulents and little plants ones!

bonus things

that is a fun song. i'm also still in my pajamas if that helps. enjoy turtles!

tell me about YOUR day and one thing you are looking forward to 🫵

have had a very lazy morning/afternoon. too lazy perhaps. but i might try to go look for shorts at target today

[hoziersmoon]

shini i've had enough we are going to host this dinner party RIGHT NOW fuck it. we can invite all the mutuals idc let's just do it i'll start. i'm thinking drinks i have this little lemonade i make for myself (lazy style) with black current syrup a little lemon juice and rose water. to spice it up we could use like a far fancier syrip than what i use (perhaps a blackberry infusion? that could be nice i think!) and ok idk if this would be good but ive been wanting to try it with some basil syrup or something like that too... and fresh lime juice instead of lemon (i mean lemon's good too but i like that little extra zing that lime gives you) put a little sprig of lavender or some shit in the glass as decoration and we are already going just so fucking strong.. have never tried this with alcohol but i'm sure we could do an alcoholic version of this OR also i learned how to make this amazing mojito mocktail last summer which we could also serve as a second option and then also just have reg mojitos in the mix as well.... clink clink bitch 🥂

wait wait george beloved YES. 💌🥂all mutuals and mutuals in law u are invited.

im obsessed with these drinks (especially putting a sprig of lavender thats so fucking cute) and i’m going to continue with the summery theme and i’m thinking summer evening setting in like. a whimsical garden moment 🌺👒🌞 also i saw this like… mix between a picnic / formal dinner thing that i’ve been thinking about FOREVER. sosoos cute and also we should go to the thrift store and pick up some cute ceramics and centrepieces !! inspo here

also FOOD. i think u should make one of ur famous salads :saladboy: and also i want to make a strawberry rhubarb pie bc that is the summeriest dessert i can think of 🍓 or omg. strawberry shortcake. 😌💭🍰 main course options still open bc i can’t think of the perfect dinner moment rn…

[a-shrieking-cloud-of-bats]

What kind of audience do you think you'd recommend dwarf fortress to? It definetly looks very different from anything else I played

Hmm. that's a very good question anon and I'm going to break it down.

People that like making their own fun. At the end of the day, dwarf fortress is a game that's only as meaningful as you make it, due to the random generation. If you take everything literally it's just pseudo guided actions performed by randomly generated dwarves. What is a tragic tale of a soldier going on a rampage in the fort after a siege because his cat died in the fighting is very easily reduced to simple numbers, because the underlying systems are not very complex and they do not try very hard to hide themselves. Similarly after you've gotten over the initial hump, if the narrative stuff isn't quite selling you, you have to be willing to challenge yourself. I'm currently attempting to build a boat, in the ocean, and making a nice looking port town with it. None of this holds bearing on the world or how it interacts in any major way (I don't think, anyway, it's been a while), but it's a fun project and if I end up keeping the world it will continue to exist long after I'm finished playing it. I can go there in adventure mode, and dwarves from that fort that live can show up in other forts. That's pretty satisfying, if you ask me. Probably the most important part.

On to the actual game. It's mostly a logistics game, as you're attempting to wrangle a big group of mostly autonomous dwarves into doing things that will make the fort better and bigger and more like what you want it to be. The semi autonomous part is a big part of what seperates it from say, factorio, you are not exactly working with precision tools here. About the only thing you can guarantee is that you can build what and where you want to build, and the military control is pretty direct (but not setting up the military! Oh God No). Dwarves will take personal time, dwarves will sleep, dwarves will eat, dwarves will throw parties, dwarves will make artifacts (randomly generated, so there's that first point again! is that artifact sword with broccoli on it fun or dumb? that sort've random gen thing will be happening a lot.), dwarves will generally dick around a lot without any explicit order to do so. Sometimes for a startling amount of time. But that's kind've part of the fun too, even if it's sort've frustrating sometimes.

Combat and adventure mode. I mean.... it's not nothing? I've found the military more frustrating then anything and winning direct fights is usually pretty hard. But setting up an airtight fort with loads of traps and misdirection is fun too, to the right person, I'm sure. The adventure mode combat system is sort've neat and has an impressive amount of depth but you have to grind forever to get anywhere with it and it's extremely long winded, even as deep as it can get. There's an entire thread on the DF forums (or was, it's ben a while) about dwarf martial arts and how catching incoming attacks can be used to perform various complex actions. Any game where that's possible is pretty neat! It's still very long winded and nothing is easy as a result, though. I can't really speak on this much.

That's about it.

If you want to get started yourself, look for the lazy newb pack (it's a staple, don't feel bad for using it, mostly everyone does) and a video tutorial, I dunno a modern one but people used to be reccomending krugsmash I think it was? Maybe still good? Dunno. Also the wiki, which is an exhaustive source of information, but worry about that after you're done with the GUI. The dwarf fortress GUI is absolutely jam packed with information and learning how to navigate it is task number one. It's also the thing most people get stuck on, though I think it's probably a bit less of a difficulty wall now that easier alternatives are out (rimworld, gnomoria, I guess? it never really took off honestly) and some of the concepts have been used in a different place. Though dwarf fortress is still hard to start even considering that. Thankfully it's also the easiest thing to learn through a series of youtube videos.

You're never really Done learning the nuances of the UI but once you know how to make your dwarves do things, and how dwarves do things, you're through most of the meta difficulty that you don't impose on yourself.

I hope that helped! I kind've went on a bit.

[popculturebuffet]

Holiday Finale: the Ghost and Molly McGee: Festival of Lights and Saving Christmas Review (comissioned by Weird Kev 27

Merry Christmas Eve all you happy people! We're to the end of our christmas celebrations for the year but before I close up shop for a day or two, we have one last present to unwrap courtsey of Kev: Last year's holiday double feature from the Ghost and MollyMcGee

TGAMM isn't a show i've talked about yet on this blog, but no time like the present, as it's an excellent show. Just watching these eps I often found myself pausing as the animation is just all sorts of fluid and expressive. That's the standard for Disney at it's best granted but this show just has it's own bouncy style all it's own.

The premise is simple: An overly chipper 12 year old named Molly McGee moves to the failing town of Brighton with her family, finally finding a "forever home" after moving around a bunch. She ends up best friends with Scratch, a cynical , lazy and often hungry ghost who the rest of the ghost community laughs at, who makes the mistake of cursing her with "never leaving her"… and soon despite himself ends up genuinely enjoying this friendship while trying to ballnce that with his job of making people miserable.. not a great thing when his best friend is determiend to make everyone's lives better. The show is a fun comedy, helped by the fact it's leads are two of my faviorite voice actors, Ashly Burch of OK KO and Final Space Fame and Dana Synder of Aqua Teen Hunger Force, Venture Bros, Jellystone and tons of other stuff fame. It was nice to see Ashly get a lead roll and Dana get a lead roll agai, so I was already on board but the show is enjoyable, inclusive, and fairly funny, so I liked it. I'm horribly behind on season 1b, but i'll get to it before the years out. The show made my top 20 episodes list last year and for good reason, so it's nice to have at least one more season of it.

So that brings us to today's review: last year they did a holiday special but nicely, we got a holiday treat as Ghost and Molly McGee is the first show i've seen in a while to do a full on Hannukah special!

Yeah while i'm not Jewish myself, i've had a fondness for shows helping my dumb ass learn more about a holiday, having grown up with Rugrats Passover and Hannukah specials. It's just nice to help kids learn there are more holidays than christmas and what exactly goes on in those holidays, and spoilers this won't be the last special that isnt' Christmas. And I do love Christmas, I just feel other holidays deserve love too especailly with all this war on chistmas bullshit> The world is wide enough for all holidays and I shoudln't have ot say that but given it comes up every year.. yeah , I do. So put on your yammukah as we have both a happy happy hannukah and a merry christmas in the same episode with Festival of Lights and Saving Christmas.

Festival of Lights: It's the final night of Hannukah, and the McGees are visting Book Marks the Spot, the Stein-Torres' bookstore. As for that name, i'm.. not a fan? I like the store itself, as someone who loves little independent book stores and used to work at one, in fact that's where I got my complete set of TinTin and first edition of the Colour of Magic among many other treasures due to having an insane amount of credit form working there. It's just the name is…

Like I get it's a pun on both x marks the spot and Bookmarks, but it just dosen't work. Like… the store isn't pirate themed. I mean books are a treasure, but if you wanted a piratey name that didn't necesarily require a theme just call it hidden treasure books or something. Not everything has to be a pun. It's ran by Libby's mom Leah, who weirdly isn't named on the episode itself but is on the actual wiki page for her. I assume this is a Boonchuy Parents situation where they were named later via word of god because you can't just.. mention that in episode? Please? Make my job easier?

For those new here Libby is Molly's Best friend/probable love intrest, a somehwat shy girl Molly's age who loves beat poetry and clearly molly. Look i've never been subtle in my shipping, i'm not starting now.. though if your new then welcome to the thunderdome bitches! Seroiusly though the two just play off each other really well, are really sweet together, and the list making episode where Molly has to tell Libby.. comes off entirely romantic in Molly's not wanting to loose libby. Could be intentional, could be untetional, we've still got a season to go.

Molly tries to be supportive.. though mostly she just googled hannukah and readas she goes while Libby looks on apprceatively. Scratch is also there but he was dragged there, like the surly teenage sons the McGees never asked for but welcomed into their home anyway since he was there first and having a ghost meant they could get some money back.

Things quickly take a turn though as the lights go out. The good news is that Mrs. Stein Torres has a generator and that Chucky was busy chainsawing someone in half this holiday season, so their safe. The bad news is that it only has an hour of fuel, though people still flock to the store for warmth and Mrs. Stein Torres is happy to have them. MST is played by the incomparable Pamela Adlon aka…

Though Bobby is, rightfully, her most famous roll and one of her best, Adlon has a rather long and storied career in voice acting: She's voiced Dewey Duck (Quack Pack), Spenelli (Where I first met her), Milo Oblong, Brigette Murphy, and Dr. Joanne on the now cancelled Tuca and Bertie. In addition to that she wrote and starred in the amazing FX Comedy Better Things which I highly recommend and is a talented and wonderful person.

If your familiar with the story of Hannukah you likely know where this is going: As with the oil in the temple under siege lasted 8 days instead of one, giving us 8 nights of Hannukah, the generator will last for 8 hours, with a story for each hour.

Hour 1: Scratch is ready to just run out until he finds out Hannukah involves foods in fried oil. Scratch then sings a whole musical number about fried food while Libby tries in vain to get him to use the actual names. still it's adorable, esecially to see him hang out with Libby for a change, as well as relatable since I too will stuff my face iwth anything fried.

Hour Two: The kids and Scratc h play Dreidel. I still don't quite know how it works, but it's fun to watch the kids all loose it as they all loose, cumilating in Libby winning the gelt and Scratch being pissed off to find it was choclate. Are we sure Scratch isn't just my ghost sent backwards in time and through space? Are we positve on that?

Hour Three: Libby has a spelling bee and asks the McGees to spell Hannukah, which has 16 diffrent spellings. Neat to know, one of the weaker segments

Hour Four: We then get one of the stronger ones, as Libby introuces the Miracle Box, a box where you put in a miracle that happened to you this year. It's a really sweet concept and one i'd love to try. We get the jokes you'd expect: Sharon's miracle is the van is still running, while Darryl's.. is that he didn't get caught. ("It's best you don't know"), while we get some sweet one: Molly's is natural meeting scratch, Libby's Mom's is Libby (She apparently does this every year), and Scratch's, which he spends the segement trying desperattley to not have read aloud as he wasn't aware of that part is the entirely sweet "I used to haunt a house, now I haunt a home

Everyone present finds it sweet while Scratch is embarassed.. but i'ts also a nice sign of just how far his character has come in only half a season. While he only admitted it when he didn't think anyone else would eve rknow, it's still sweet to see him accept that this is his family now.. and his life is better fo rit.

Hour Five: A truly excellent bit of slam poetry by LIbby about the tale of Hannukah. Also a nice call back to her talent for it that was revealed earlier in the season> This show has a really strong continuity and I love it for it.

Hour Six: Scratch eats too many Latkes… methinks they didn't have enough time for another segment, but given how serious the segements before and after this one are, it's fair enough.

Hour Seven: We get a really nice, if suprisingly somber segment as Leah talks with Abby, a local baker played by Eden Rigel, sister of Sam "Pull on My Motherfuckin Beads" Rigel. Eden's best known for voicing Boscha on the Owl House. Abby is also Jewish but has admitely not practiced her faith in some time, but seeing the Stein-Torres Menorah reminds her of it and Leah warmly welcomes her to it… and to her family history. As it turns out their Menorah was the only thing her grandparents took with them when they fled Germany from the Nazi's. The show dosen't come right out and say that.. but anyone familiar with history, paticuarlly Krystalnacht, can spot the obvious. It's done painfully well with nice subtly: we only see her great grandparents fleeing with the menorah while a brick's thrown through the window and there's a mob of angry noice.. just enough to get past Disney's censors, but more than enough to get the point across. We also see them as they immigrate, have a son (Leah's father and LIbby's grandfather) and we see a Young Leah light the menorah for the first time> This Menorah is their family legacy an din just two mintues of screentime we see what that legacy means. It's an utterly beautiful piece of animation, just two minutes to show the pride in their history and what they escaped to get there. Hour Eight: The power finally goes out.. only for power everywhere to kick on. Libby proclaims it a Hannukah miracle, Scratch eats even more latke's and this slam dunk of an episode ends.

Seriously this episode is beauitful, a true masterpiece having both hilariaty and a lot of heart. Only the spelling bee bit didn't qutie work for me. it's a nice educational piece that helps tell the gentiles like myself about the holiday. I may still not get how Dredl works, but I feel warm having watched this.

Saving Christmas:

This being a two shorts show we have a traditional Christmas Specail to follow things up. It's the annual Snowflake Celebration, with the Mayor, voiced by my boy Patton Oswalt and looking just like him, being happy they'll crush perfectborg.. only for the tree to fall apart then catch fire. The Celebration is in ruins and so it seems is Brighton's christmas so Molly decides to find a Donor. Now who in town his rich and has lots of money?

…. okay maybe save him as plan B. For Plan A Molly seeks out Mr. Davenport, played by Thomas Lennon of Reno 911 and Jellystone fame, whose shockingly shot up as a voice actor in the past few years, taking on a lot of rolls. And given his distinctive southren voice, great comedic timing and general awesomeness i'm on board.

Mr. Davenport is the father of Andrea, Molly's rival and general mean girl sterotype. That said.. Andrea is actually on her side for once: Since the festival has a Snowflake Queen Andrea wants the part and as we'll learn it turns out it's not just for the attention or the viewcount as it normally would be for her and frankly this family in general: while the social media attention is nice, she wants to do it to honor her mom.

Mr. Davenport though.. is a.. what's the term for it this time of year… a holly jolly dickhead. Yeah tha'ts it. Think I nailed that. He says it's a time for making money, that giving someone something for free is against his nature and his daughter can jsut photoshop that bitch.

So in the face of such Scoogey opposition, Molly decides to pull a christmas carol.. my third reviewed this year. I did not plan for this when I set the schedule, as I didn't think about Last Christmas! Being a take on it and assume this one was only a take on it for the last act as I hadn't seen this episode till now (I only watched Festival of Lights last year). But no Molly's entire plan is to Christmas Carol the spirit of charity into this bastard.

Scratch agrees because it's bound to be hilarious and he's right: The next few minutes are just Mr. Davenport hilariously not at all getting the points Molly tries to make and Thomas Lennon's delivery is perfect: showing him his past and how his dad wasn't a good father (with Pete and Darryl playing the parts and both ilariously dressing up for the 1880s instead of 1980s.. then just throwing in rad slang to try and compesnte), that his dad was a great buisnessman, showing him the McGees house just has him grouse about how poor they are instea dof how loving they are, and attempting to show his store closed.. dosen't work because it's an ally and Scratch flying him around dosen't scare him so much as make him want more.

While all of this is funny and a nice subversion of the Scrooge story, as well as a well done one: Molly tried to simply use a full bullet points.. not getting how each stop on the Ghost's journey was pointed: Showing him Fezzywig was to both set up belle and to show Scrooge what he could be, his failed romance with Belle reminded him what his greed already cost him, Fred showed him his nephew still love dhim even as he mocked him, the cratchets shoewd him both true kindess and the cost of his greed, and the future hammered both parts home. Each part was aimed carefully at the target. Molly simply didn't know mr. davenport well enough to actually effect him in any way.

The results though.. are terribly sad. Molly has no christmas spirit left, being utterly defeated and not relaly planning to celebrate tommorow. She coudln't save christmas, so the joy that's usually at the center of her is gone.. and given up to this point we've only seen molly this low when she nearly lost Libby, it's painful to see. We've seen her desperate… but we've never seen her out and out give up.

Scratch is naturally pissed off as hell. Not only did someone break Molly.. but on Christmas. So he decides if Mr. davenport is going to be stubborn about this, he's going to get it the hard way. The hard way.. dosen't quite work as just tossing him around only makes him Giddy. Thankfully, Scratch DOES find something that FINALLY gets through this dickhead's thick skull: Andrea, sadly starring at a picutre of her mom, putting the princess dress away and crying her eyes out. Which made me tear up just THINKING about it and finally gets Mr. Davenport to see that ther'es more to christmas. He agrees to fund the festival as you'd expect.

The ending as a result is super sweet, as Molly awakes to find the day saved, the town sings a song, Andrea gets her moment she wanted.. and Mr. Davenport sees you can use money to make merry.. and sometimes.. that's the real magic. Using what you have to help someone else. He also gets a fuckton of social media views from it, and without that being WHY he did it. Karma does work apparently! Maybe it's just if your rich but either way it's a sweet sendoff.

While it had one hell of a tough act to follow, Saving Christmas is a nice sweet christmas special. It's also really damn funny, clever and the ending is genuinely sweet. It's a good time and worth sticking around for after Festival of Lights. While the former is clearly the main attraction here and the better of the two by a mile, Saving Christmas is still a fun take on a christmas Carol and Gives Thomas Lennon a chance to flex his comedic chops. And both are worth making merry over. Have a wonderful christmas time, a happy hannukah and thanks for reading. I'll see you in a few days for the last few reviews of the year.

[mxtcha-tea]

Where I've been and where I am now

Alright, please read the pinned post first. That's more important than this.

WARNING; IMPLICATIONS OF SUICIDE

Anyways, hi

Oh gosh, it's been such a long time since I've step foot in here. It's unbelievable that this was here since 2021. But anyway,,,

Hi, I go by citrus now! Not an exciting or groundbreaking name. I decided to change my name, yet again, and just went with citrus. I think its sounds nice? Idk

Alright, back to what I wanted to talk now. So, after this post I sorta got back to reality?? I mean, since I spend most of my time in tumblr back in uh, 2020 to 2021, it kinda became a little place for me to stay in the internet.

But after my leave, I didn't have anything else to hold onto other than trying to keep my grades alive because believe it or not, my grades plummeted after that!! How sweet!!

While the internet has been one of my worst addiction, it was still a place that I'm (fairly) comfortable to be in since I could talk about my interests whenever I want(believe it or not, I have no one to talk to at school, wow, shocker)

And that's where the storm started, I was thinking of not-so-friendly thoughts and attempted, yknow, forever sleeping. I was lost and I was too scared to tell anyone about it.

It went from me thinking of that, and then denying and then telling myself that I only think that way to make myself be pitied and then forget about it and the cycle continues.

That's until around, maybe August 2022, I started to think straight again and tried (emphasis on tried) to make myself better again. There's time it works and didn't but slowly as October came in, I started to feel better.

I still think about forever sleeping but very rarely. And now that my mind is (slightly more) okay now, I wanted to get back here and apologize for my past behavior and for leaving everyone in the dark.

Alright enough about the depressing stuff, I wanna talk about how I am now. Well, I'm good now! Maybe still a little lazy like I was before but nonetheless, I am a-okay

I managed to socialize a bit at school and got myself a friend that I'm more close to than others (technically best friends, but they still don't know a lot about me like how I don't know a lot about them, so there's still a little gap there)

(And if anyone cared enough to know) my main interest as of now is Twisted Wonderland. After the English translation was announced, I went ham and eating up content about twst like it was my last meal.

Anyways, here are more infos that are more than less interesting;

I got myself in reading more literature, whether it's in English or malay tbh

I also got interested in coding and believe it or not, I'm kinda trying to make a game using renpy

I still write and draw thankfully

....i got myself some cat headphones

I have an exam later in uh, I think January so I've been trying to get myself motivated to at least study

And that's about it. And to conclude it all with a question, actually 2 questions

What are you gonna do with this account now?

Well unlike my old account that I deactivated, I'll keep this one up for obvious reasons

Do you have another account on tumblr? (and maybe accounts on other platforms?)

I do have set a new account on tumblr for my twisted wonderland interest. But i'm still trying to fix the theme and clearing my drafts over there so I won't tell the @ for now

And yeah, I do have other accounts on other platforms (but that's a story for another time)

Thank you for reading this all the way through and have a nice day!

[ratrap]

God, I'm so so glad you've been able to tell this shit to your therapist and she's helping you because yeah, I've said it a billion times but it really isn't okay. You know you don't enjoy it and we both know that's a normal response to what he's doing (also actually stress can make you either gain weight OR drop it it's 50/50, you're gaining it because he's Massively Fucking Overfeeding You and he knows it and now the freak's trying to blame it on your emotions because he knows damn well what he's doing is some horror movie shit!) If you can try to talk your way out of at least some of the birthday stuff, maybe make it seem like you're gonna throw up assuming he's not into that too, then please try (but only as much as you're able without him retaliating of course), but above all trust your feelings here. Like, I wanna say 'what, does he really expect you to have no contact with anyone outside him' but it's seeming like he genuinely does, so keep fighting like hell to see your therapist (tell her about that next time, state clearly you only want to do in-person and if that changes you've been forced, her getting an advocate in on this would be some major backup) and get that little bit of time away from him until hopefully someday it's forever. And don't apologize for talking and feeling, you need to keep in touch with yourself and what bits of the normal world you can get when he's trying to straightup gaslight you and completely remove your ability to set boundaries, if he wants this fulltime 'dynamic' he should at least have found someone who's actually into it too and not just intimidated into playing along because ~he says~ no one'll help when I'm pretty sure at least half of this is illegal and the other half's some of the most blatantly manipulative bullshit disguised under 'kink' I've ever heard of. I truly hope this all works out.

I dont know, I'll try but I dont want him to get pissed off with me so I'll probably just have to do it. Hes been wanting to stuff me and force me to eat more and more regularly lately. And ive got punished a lot more too some of it im too embarrassed to repeat so i should probably just do it as he wants. but before he just let me eat what i want whenever with like some encouragement now and then so im always pretty full.cause i already was fat and lazy and obviously already have problems with food and overeating as it is. Now im always full as soon as im not close to throwing up i have to eat.and he gets kind of mean sometimes when hes drunk or something and says all of this is my fault for being so fat and lazy in the first place and i need to accept it and how i dont have friends. I do accept I'll always be fat but I dont want to get any bigger. it's like he shames me or like manipulates me into doing what he wants and feel like i have to or like i should just accept this is my life. cause i have a lot of . trauma about shit like this so it's very, idek the word, just really traumatising. Im glad im talking to my therapist more about it it too rather than talking about it vaguely bc it's getting really hard for me. Im trying to write something out to send to my aunt but im so worried about it. Thank you as always for your nice words

[sweetestlamb]

Flashlight

Author's note: Wasn't episode 8 just lovely? I just couldn't get this out of my head, they're becoming so dependent on each other. Be still my beating heart. They're reminding me of my MoonMun couple so much and I think that explains my obsession and the amount of fics I've written thus far lol.

Summary: Just for tonight he'll be selfish.

"Are you okay now? Is there someone there?" He moves towards the dark alley that she came bolting from looking as frightened as he's ever seen her. He feels his muscles coil ready to protect her by any means possible. But before he can move she's tightening her hold on him, clinging to him now he can feel her warmth all around him like a blanket.

"No! Don't leave me." Hearing that scared plea causes a blurry memory to resurface in his mind, he can almost feel the words swimming in his mind but the memory is foggy and it evaporates as quickly as it formed.

Strange.

"Okay, okay. I'm not going anywhere. Let's go inside." He starts to maneuver her toward her house at first she moves with him but then she stills, letting out a small sound of recollection.

"My phone." She whispers into his chest, they are pressed so closely he can feel her heartbeat still pounding through her chest into his. He strokes her back in a lazy soothing manner, shocked when she melts into his embrace further. Nothing is making sense at this moment but he doesn't care enough to stop, this.

"What about your phone?" He redirects the conversation and she continues, "I dropped it in there when I ran away."

"Okay. I'll go get it, wait here." He starts to gently untangle her hands from his flannel but she lets out a whine, gripping his shirt even stronger and moving with him.

"I'll---let's go together."

She's trembling now, positively shaking in her spot and he wants to argue with her to just go inside and wait for him but her earlier plea echoes in his ears. He can't leave her alone not right now, so he steps forward feeling her move with him, one step after another until he sees the rectangular object on the ground.

"I'm going to bend down to get it." He can feel her shifting beside him looking around wildly but thankfully no ominous figure appears, they are alone.

After a moment she nods, letting go enough for him to bend and retrieve the device and he checks the screen noting happily that it's not damaged but when he touches the screen it doesn't turn on so he tries again.

"It's dead. I forgot to charge it." She admits, taking the phone from his grasp.

He turns to her with a sharp stare, "You stayed out late after what happened and didn't charge your phone? Are you that fearless?" He chides, frustrated with her lack of awareness and disregard for her safety. If anything ever happened to her he would.... He would.......

"It wasn't on purpose. I didn't realize. I know it was irresponsible."

It's not a response he's expecting, the Hye Jin he knows would argue back, hardly taking shit from him ergo her meek uncharacteristic reply makes him feel worst, he shouldn't be blaming her especially after seeing first-hand how scared she is.

"Let's go inside now, it's cold and you're shaking." They both know the temperature has very little to do with her tremors but she doesn't disagree and carelessly he enters the code when they reach the door, ignoring the jolt in his chest that erupts as he enters his own birthday and the door clicks open. He thought she would have changed it by now.

He's grateful she hasn't.

They both take off their shoes, standing side by side now her arm around his waist and his around her shoulder. It's a small space and they can barely move but they work around it, reluctant to release each other.

"Thank you." Her voice is barely above a whisper, he thinks that he almost imagined it. He had an excuse prepared this time, he was merely patrolling and happened to pass her house. That was the lie he intended to go with, but something in her voice stops him from saying those deceitful words. He's tired of hiding and making up excuses for being around her.

"You're welcome. Here sit down, I'll make you some tea." Thoughtlessly he moves towards the kitchen, taking two steps until he can't move anymore. She's holding onto him tightly, he turns around looking at her small closed fists and then her trembling pretty face.

With a soft sigh, he takes her hand rubbing a thumb across the smooth skin.

"Just come with me." Immediately she steps forward pressing into his back, he tries to calm his heart taking the teapot and filling it with water, then he opens the cabinet retrieving a mug and setting it aside.

"I like honey. And a squeeze of lemon." He smiles at her soft demands.

Now that sounds more like his dentist. The bottle of honey is in her top cabinet and he grabs a fresh lemon from the fridge cutting it in half.

They stand silently as the water boils and he finally feels his anger boiling away as well. Angry that he was almost too late and that his town isn't safe anymore, angry that someone was able to shake this immoveable woman.

The shrill ringing of the teapot breaks him from his impasse, on autopilot he pours the water on the tea bag, then squeezes the honey in the steaming water, "I like a lot of honey." She's attached to his back her voice vibrating straight through him, he freezes when she wraps her arms around his waist. Her closeness is messing with his mind, but he tries to finish his job and get them on the couch maybe with some distance between them.

For his sanity.

"Let's go sit down." He grabs both mugs walking over to her couch, placing her cup on the far right and taking a seat on the far left putting a sea of distance between them. But immediately she sits down right next to him, leaving no space between them she might as well be in his lap. He squirms in place, standing up to get some reprieve but she grabs his hand staring up at him.

"Where are you going?" Fear bleeds into her voice and he lets go of his hesitations, tonight is not about him.

Leaning over he grabs her cup, tugging it closer.

"Nowhere, I'm not going anywhere. Drink your tea."

She blinks slowly at him before nodding and bringing the warm beverage to her lips. Her hum of satisfaction warms him all the way down to his toes.

"It's good. You really are good at everything." He preens at the compliment, thinking of all the times this week he wasn't needed or was cast aside for Director Ji. He's been swallowing his jealousy all week. So her words fill a hollow space in his chest.

He watches her drink the entire cup, ignoring his own growing cold on the table.

"I need to charge my phone." She suddenly says and he stares before nodding, taking the opportunity to drink his lukewarm tea. But then he notices that she's not moving despite having the phone and charging in her hand.

"What's wrong?" He raises an eyebrow in confusion.

She looks embarrassed now, unable to meet his eyes and he's flabbergasted at her reaction.

"Come with me?" He stares at her, feeling the same pride bloom as when she sat next to him instead of her sunbae, she's leaning on him.

He spots an outlet across the room, "Okay let's go there." She looks relieved at his lack of teasing, together they walk over to the outlet and she bends to plug in the charger and puts the phone on the ground.

In seconds the phone comes to life and he feels a sharp pain in his chest as a barrage of messages light up her phone, the majority from one person. When she clicks to open the message he instinctively looks away, not wanting to witness their conversation.

"He messaged so much." Her voice is filled with awe and childishly he moves away. He'd almost forgotten that she didn't actually need him. He was just conveniently there.

"I should go now. You're safe. Make sure to come home earlier from now on, maybe ask him to walk you home." It hurts to utter those words but it's easier than being replaced later, it's okay if he's the one that pushes her away first. "I'll see myself out."

He stands ready to leave, pointedly not looking back before he changes his mind and stays forever.

She was just scared, tonight didn't mean anything.

He grabs his fallen bagpack thrusting it on his shoulder, hopping into his boots all ready to head out. But it's unusually quiet, the silence is so deafening that he can't stop himself from looking back over at her. It's a mistake, a huge one at that. The phone has fallen from her hands, abandoned to the side and she's looking at him with the most desolate stare he's ever seen, moisture pooling in her huge round eyes.

"What's wrong? Why are you cry--"

"You said you wouldn't leave me. Why are you changing your mind? What if someone is still there? What am I supposed to do without yo--u?" Her voice cracks on the last word and his heart follows, she needs him. Nobody else has this week but here she is breaking down because he tried to leave, she needs him.

His decision is made for him in that moment.

As soon as he's close enough to touch she's clinging to him once again, he only absently realizes that she's trying to lead them to her bedroom but even he's not saintly enough for that so he stops her.

"Let's go to the couch. You'll feel more comfortable."

She doesn't question him seemingly happy to follow his lead.

The couch is comfy but definitely not intended for two grown adults, leaning over the arm rest he tries to get situated and once he stops moving she's snuggling into his side curling around him like a cat.

"Whenever I was scared, my mom used to stroke my hair."

He stares at the wall in front of them, wondering if she's aware of just how many lines they're crossing tonight- no catapulting over. But he's tired of second guessing himself so he stops thinking and just listens, bringing the hand that is curled on her shoulder up to her head before dragging his palm down her soft hair, gulping when she moans at the ministrations.

Her breathing starts to deepen and he feels her body losing its tension, she's falling asleep and once she succumbs he can finally make his escape, that's his plan. But he doesn't expect her to start stroking him too, her hand delicate on his chest.

"You've worked hard. Stopping a scammer and saving me all while recovering from a cold."

It's nothing. It's what he's supposed to do.

But it feels so good to hear those words, words that he hardly heard growing up.

"Go to sleep." He says instead of thank you, instead of kissing her like he's wanted to since he saw her outside and she ran straight into his heart.

It's a miracle but she listens to him, drifting to sleep her head heavy on his chest and he knows that he should wait a few minutes and try to extract himself but he can't, not tonight. Just for tonight he'll be selfish.

"You're making me want all sorts of things." He whispers to her sleeping face, terrified of her and all that she makes him feel. Feeling emboldened by their almost kiss initiated by her, he pushes her hair behind her ear taking a second to really looking at her face. She really is that beautiful. It doesn't seem fair. Leaning down he presses a soft kiss to her forehead, her skin is sleep warm and perfectly smooth. He presses a second one shamelessly. Her lips are right there and heavens knows that he's tempted but he can't take advantage, can't bring himself to do anything else. That's enough.

He doesn't know when he fell asleep but he wakes up to Mi-seon throwing a blanket over them, he keeps his eyes tightly shut mentally berating himself for that leaving when he had a chance.

"Just friends my ass. Just admit that you like him, look at the way you're clinging to him."

Somehow they traversed further down the couch in their sleep, both laying horizontal now with her body on top on his and her head tucked under his chin.

"I've never seen her sleep so peacefully though. She looks so young."

He tries not to think too deeply into what that might mean, listening to the retreating footsteps of her roommate and feeling himself losing the battle with sleep. She'll probably be embarrassed to find them this way tomorrow but that's a hurdle for another day.

Just for tonight I'll hold her. Until I'm not allowed to hold her anymore.

[cherryblossomtease]

Chapter 15

18+ only

warnings and summary - Masterlist

Because sometimes all you need is a simple reminder of who started this mess in the first damn place 💜

Warnings : as always 18+ only please- dom Zemo, sub Bucky, sub reader, punishment, m/m, m/m/f, light bondage

Authors Notes: Really didn't think I would be posting this weekend but it's a holiday in the states so why not! Still working on the rest by you know, neglecting everything that matters to create this fictional world. Anyhow, I can honestly say this is by far the most graphic story I've written so I'm a little nervous but it's already done, can't change it now, and I honestly don't want to! That said I hope you enjoy reading as much as I did writing!

~

Nothing lasts forever, especially when it’s this good. And this fabricated reality is about as good as it gets. Still, you know this boat will dock soon and goodbyes will be said. There’s really no way around it, try as you might to come up with a plan to talk Bucky into staying. Even now as you fight to stay asleep, your brain is working hard to create a solution while you refuse to give into your worries so early in the day.

You turn onto your stomach ignoring the dark thoughts, choosing instead to enjoy the feel of a strong arm across your back and a leg, hairy and heavy over both of yours.

Settling again with a content sigh, sleep starts to pull you back under. Thank the stars. You really aren’t in the mood— even if your dreams apparently are.

And what had you been dreaming about anyway?

A little house on a wide cliff overlooking water, and something else? The harder you try to remember the more you feel yourself slipping back into that dream space.

There was a small animal. What was it? A rabbit? Its fluffy body too close to the edge of the cliff. But in the dream you’d stayed standing in the doorway of the little house too indifferent to go and save it….

You feel bodies moving lazily, a stream of breath along your back that tickles; arms and legs and the men they belong to not fully awake and starting to stir like you, even as you quickly slip back into sleep until you’re standing in the doorway of that house again with the warm winds on your face and a view of the French sea below. The drop is dangerous. Deadly even.

Why haven’t you started talking Bucky into staying yet? Because you don’t like thinking about it too much. That's why. You start walking towards the edge of the cliff and you’re fully aware of your worlds crossing over —real thoughts present in your dream.

It’s probably bad luck to resent good deeds, after all that’s what he’s leaving you for. He wants to go off and live the life of the hero he never got to be. That and to keep Zemo’s location safe; but that’s besides the point. Hmm… Look at me, selfish even in my dreams. You smile when you shouldn’t.

Staring over the edge of the cliff it’s suddenly clear how unstable the ground is here and you gasp as it crumbles beneath your feet without warning.

Your eyes open with a start.

Well, that was a bit on the nose. Your subconscious does like to lay it on a thick sometimes, especially when you continue to ignore the things bothering you for too long and you've been setting these feelings aside since the text came through.

But just as quickly as you’re left to shake the shadow of the eerie dream, your frown fades replaced by a slow smile.

There is a very familiar poking at your ass that can sometimes be annoying-- this morning it’s welcome. You reach back and feel for the body that the greeting belongs too, comforted by the warmth and solid muscle of Bucky’s thigh under his tight boxers.

Mmmmm, the source of my distress and my desire, you think and grin into the pillows with a soft moan when his hand, hot and strong takes hold of your hip, massaging as he presses his erection into you.

You’ll talk to him about your dreams later.

Feeling a draft where there should be warmth, you open an eye to find breaks of sunlight in the space between Helmut’s arm and torso. When you turn your head you’re met with the sight of his bare chest, broad and covered in the softest dark hair. His necklace hangs off center, and you, as always, are helpless to it.

Your hand leaves Bucky’s thigh and your fingers slide over the delicate links in the chain and down into the soft chest hair as you turn your head to find he and Bucky locked in one hell of a kiss for so early in the day. It must have been their movement or the sound of their lips that woke you and pulled you from the doom of your fatal fall.

Dreams are so strange…

Your heart flutters when Helmut lays his hand over yours pressing it tight to his chest. “Good morning love birds.” You snicker and watch Bucky pull away from Zemo looking a little embarrassed. He does pause to kiss your cheek however before getting out of bed with a long stretch.

“So where the hell are we anyway?” He asks going to the balcony door, looking out at the passing waves. “Feels like nowhere.”

Zemo is looking down at you, stroking your profile, kissing your nose. “We should be well within the middle of it actually.” He answers, eyes still fixed on you.

“Perfect” You say softly letting him pull you so close that he blocks out the light as your lips meet.

“Breakfast is ready sir,” Oeznik calls from outside the bedroom door.

Zemo grumbles at the interruption but you’re starving. “What? I’m not going anywhere” You huff turning away, trying to escape. “You just said so yourself. I've got no place to go.”

“All by design” He smiles and lets you get up, giving your ass a smack as you go. Bucky is watching from the doorway and laughs at your yelp-hop-rub combination.

Swearing under your breath you go over to the closet, grab your silk robe and pull it on over your shorts and tank top, yawning as you drag your feet over to Bucky. You pat his stomach, kissing him quickly. “Hungry?”

“Famished.”

“Lets go up.” You say tugging at him as Zemo gets up and puts on his own robe across the room. It’s not the thick one you liked from before the raft, but silk like yours— Tom Ford if memory serves— god his influence is strong. How the hell do you remember this stuff?

You watch him scratch at the back of his messy nest of hair like he always does in the mornings, somehow looking both sexy and adorable, alternating between the two with the ease of flicking a light switch. You can only smile at the enigma that is Helmut Zemo and pull Bucky away from the doors.

The three of you leave the room shuffling along, making your way down the hall to the den. Zemo trails you and Bucky accepting a small espresso from Oeznik as he watches the way you and your Sergeant interact. Neither you nor Bucky are necessarily morning people and though it’s nearly ten, you’re both somewhat irritable now that you’re actually moving around and slightly hungover from yesterdays sangrias as you make your way up to the top deck where breakfast will be served.

The sun is so bright you huff about not being able to find your sunglasses and Bucky accuses you of being a diva. The only appropriate reaction is to give him a shove.

Zemo snorts a laugh at your near sibling like banter which you’d established after so many months together, but once you find your glasses on the bar counter and get a fresh cup of coffee and a bloody Mary chaser in your body you’re feeling like a new woman ready to conquer the day… a day spent doing nothing really.

It’s all so casually decadent that it’s nearly sinful. Whats the one? The sin that doesn’t sound as good as lust but feels better after all that fornicating you’ve been doing— Sloth? Yes, you think reaching for what’s left of your blood Mary from the lounge chair, the ultimate of all the sins. Thou shalt not be a lazy ass sloth all day on your yacht.

Cheers.

You read on the deck for a while, play a few rounds of shuffle board with Bucky by the pool and attempt to best Zemo at chess in the den.

Lunch is wonderful, and you think you will need to meet this mystery chef at some point before the trip is over followed by a nap on the bedroom balcony.

When you wake up in the very late afternoon you venture down the hall with your book and unexpectedly find the men in your life moaning on the floor of the den in a tangle of beautifully tanned arms and legs. So you very quietly slip past, feeling a flush rise up your neck to your cheeks highlighting your wide but tight lipped smile.

You stay above decks giving them privacy feeling only the slightest twinge of jealousy. Not because you think you’ve been excluded but because you could use another session like last night.

A shiver runs deep in your belly thinking of the way Helmut brought you to climax, but you’re still more than happy to give them time alone. After all, you’ve had the Baron to yourself for far longer than Bucky.

You sink down onto the upper deck sofa, the image of them entwined, the sounds of their heavy breathing and Bucky’s near innocent moans enough to make you consider touching yourself but you wait, letting the urge build, one of them if not both will take care of you later.

So when Bucky comes up and finds you with a funny look on his face you’re completely confused. “Whats wrong?” You ask putting your book down.

He’s poured a drink and sits down beside you on the couch.

“I don’t know if I can do it.” He says shaking his head tossing back the bourbon.

“Do what?” You have an idea but you thought for sure he’d be eager to try, at least it looked like they were well on their way to his first time.

“Letting him control me, I’ve never had someone tell me no. Not like this.”

“Oh” You smile. It’s the no sex. The lack of it is a cruel form of control but the end results are glorious, if he could just be patient enough. “He won’t let you come?” You ask a little more patronizing than you’d intended.

“No!” Bucky whines taking his cue from you and you stifle your laughter. He’s so cute, even in the throws of his sexual agony. “And it’s making me crazy. I mean I’m already crazy but this is different.” He looks around and leans closer to you. “If you were to so much as look at my cock right now, I’d be done.” He says under his breath.

You let go and laugh rolling your eyes. Dramatics seem to come as naturally as submission to him. “That’s against the rules.” You warn eyeing him sidelong and attempting to go back to your book.

“I can’t take it. Fuck the rules.” He says again pulling the paperback from your hand.

You wave your finger in his face. “James. You’re not allowed.” You say playfully.

“Please.” He begs running his finger down your cheek, brushing your neck and gliding along your clavicle where he knows you’re sensitive.

“I can’t!” You lean away a little surprised by his attempt.

“He won’t know!”

You shake your head “I know but…” You try not to smile.

“I can’t take it.” He insists leaning in to kiss you. “I promise; it won’t take long.”

You give in and laugh sensing his desperation as you kiss. He does feel tense. The muscles of his arm and shoulder are wound tight as a chord. You smile against his lips letting him ease you down onto the couch, your book dropping to the floor as he moans, sliding his hand down your thigh, pushing your knee up and his own hips forward letting you feel what you’re fairly certain is the most rock solid hard on you’ve ever had pressed to your body. You whisper his name as his lips find their way to your neck and his hand slides between you to free himself from those amazing shorts.

“Shame, I had every intention of making your patience worth the effort. But you do love to prolong your torment, don’t you soldat.”

You gasp and Bucky hangs his head as Zemo comes sauntering over. Your laughter is a mix of nerves and feeling like you’ve been caught sneaking around with a boy like a damn teenager. It’s been years since you’ve felt a rush like this. Leave it to the Baron to stir that old excitement again.

“Don’t move” Zemo orders, pointing a finger in your face. You freeze, legs open where Bucky was, your arms tight at your sides. “Sit” He growls at Bucky who obeys begrudgingly as he slides back onto the couch.

Very quickly Zemo shoves your legs closed and grabs you by the arm pulling you up to standing. You lean away as he shakes his head keeping you close, his hold so tight you wince “I thought you knew better by now” He scolds you sounding disappointed.

“I told him not too?” You try looking as innocent as possible. You truly had no intentions of fucking him, but maybe a quick hand job?

There is a flicker of excitement in Zemo’s eyes. It's been so long since you’ve given him a reason to really go for it and you hold in your smile because you’re meant to be sad and hang your head. “I’m sorry Baron.”

He ignores your attempts to apologize and pulls you over so that you’re standing in front of Bucky. He looks you both over for a moment thinking and then smiles. You don’t know if you love or hate to see him looking so pleased. Nothing “good” ever comes of that smile.

“Look James.” He says, waiting until Bucky raises his head. “I want you to see what listening to your eager cock and not my rules get gets you— and her.” He tells Bucky before giving you his undivided attention.

Zemo turns your back to Bucky and you feel his hand between your shoulder blades pushing just a little. You bend at the waist, not all the way, just enough to make sure Bucky knows where his attention should be.

This flouncy little designer sun dress you’ve changed into after your nap only helps direct his gaze as Zemo drags the fabric up slowly so that the reveal of your ass is yet another way to torment him all on its own and you give yourself over to the Baron and wonder how bad this will be.

“Pull them down.” He tells you, his hand smoothing over your simple lace panties. His voice is not so angry as it was when he found the two of you, but every bit as firm, and you glance up at him as you hook your thumbs into the waist band. He nods and you quickly obey, pulling your underwear over the curve of your hips and ass and swear you hear Bucky groan when you bend to pull them from your ankles letting him see the diamond shape of your pussy from behind for just a second, your smile hidden from view.

When you stand again, Zemo offers his forearm. You rest your stomach against him, your hand gripping his shirt, the other you will have to try very hard not to cover your backside with because you know that the breeze will be the last nice thing that you feel.

He tosses your dress back up holding you, adjusting the way he stands just a little so that you are safe but immobile.

“Count them off; to five.” He says leaning just a bit closer. The tone in his voice is confident. Zemo knows that you’re well aware of what this means.

“Yes Baron.” You say exhaling, trying to prepare, but five? Fuck. He does not intend on holding back. If he was being playful he would give you ten or more, but five? He knows you won’t be able to take more that that.

You dig your fingers into his forearm and hold your breath.

The first strike makes you cry out.

The way Zemo can raise his hand and bring it down on your ass is unrivaled. He doesn’t mess around. There is no teasing, no playing, no cute little taps to warm you up. Just instant punishment.

“One.”

Your voice shakes and the rousing heat of adrenaline spreads through your arms and legs.

Again he lifts his hand and brings it down quickly with a stinging force that sends shock waves through your body. Your cry is weaker this time, trailing longer.

“Two.”

You pull his shirt tighter into your fist, your cheeks are on fire already when you feel the air stir as his hand rises again. You wonder if Bucky is watching, you wonder if he see’s how your thighs flex and your flesh shakes when the Baron strikes you.

You close your eyes and draw in your bottom lip trying not to moan, but you arch your back and your hips begin to circle ever so slightly with the anticipation of the next smack. You’re practically whimpering as you offer up your backside for more.

Zemo can feel the light vibration of pleasure sounding in your chest and his laughter is a low, very amused rumble as he raises his hand just a little higher this time.

The next smack lands and you toss your head back with a gasp. You would have gone to your knees if he wasn’t strong enough to hold you up. “Three” You whisper but you don’t move. The air brushes your pussy, wet in spite of your reddening skin.

“Don’t look away.” Zemo says.

There is the answer to your previous question. Bucky likes it, but it’s not always easy for him to watch.

“James!” Zemo snaps and waits. Bucky must be looking again because you feel the Baron move.

The fourth strike comes and you steady yourself knowing you can take it, wanting it, loving it as much as your feel your legs shaking. “Four”

You’re breathing hard, as you anticipate the final blow, desperate for it to be over but sorry for it to end. You rest against him for just a second feeling both safe in his hold and powerless to his dominance.

When the last of your punishment lands you hang your head, rounding your spine unable to offer yourself anymore. You can not pretend and this is why he’s given you so few.

Letting your hips drop as your body shudders and a single tear falls, you whisper, “Five” And only Helmut hears you say it.

Very gently he pulls your dress down, the soft cotton is cool over your burning skin and he turns you around to face him.

He brushes the tear from your cheek, holding you in such a way that you can go limp in his arms. “It wasn’t that bad, you’re just out of practice.” He says smiling at you knowing it wasn’t kind either.

You’d love for him to know just once. Maybe let Bucky give him a slap across the ass to make it fair. But when you look at him the thought is all wrong if not hilarious and you just shrug a little and hang your head again, resting on his chest.

“No breaking rules.” He scolds affectionately, “Even if you’re only trying to help. Understood?”

“Yes Baron.” Your voice is very small.

He gives a nod, kisses your forehead and looks over his shoulder at James. “So, is this what you wanted?”

“No.”

“No… no I don’t think it is.” He agrees. “But I understand. She’s damn near impossible to resist still you must learn to control yourself. Apparently I’ve not made that clear. Perhaps a more direct approach.”

You both look at him wide eyed. What’s more direct than this you think not even close to recovered from your spanking.

“Both of you, go down to our bedroom.” He says as though nothing has ever been more obvious “Take off your clothes. Wait for me on the bed.”

You look at Bucky. He looks at you.

“You fucked up,” You mouth to him.

Bucky just gets up and pushes past you both.

*

“I suppose you could say I’ve had to get creative with my plans for you. I know that pain is something you can’t respond to in ways that she can.” Zemo says, smiling as he glances down at Bucky and then over his shoulder at you on your knees behind him. “Have you finished?”

You look up from what you’re doing, hoping it’s right. “Yes, I think so?”

He comes around to look at the rope binding Bucky’s wrists. It’s just for show to heighten the experience. Of course Bucky could break free if he wanted to— his strength is no match for a few rough fibers— but this is a training of the mind as well as the body. “You see, pleasure can be just as awful.” Zemo says, his voice making you shiver as he checks your work, tugging and tightening the rope a little more.

Leaning in close, he strokes Bucky’s jaw, his finger reaching to trace the spine of his ear and you smile when the hairs on Bucky’s right arm raise and Zemo loses the air of control for a second simply becoming the man who cares for the other deeply. “The irony of tying you to a chair to satisfy you is not lost on me, based on what I know of your past. But if you can endure it, I promise it will be nothing like the pain you’ve known. I could never hurt you in that way. Still, if at any time this is too much, if it triggers memories that change it from what it’s meant to be, please— James— say the word, your word and it stops.”

Bucky nods. “I will” He says softly.

“Nothing now?” Zemo asks genuinely wanting to know. Bucky shakes his head. “No, nothing.”

Zemo gives a confident nod and kisses the back of Bucky’s head patting his cheek a little harder than he needs too. “I only want to make you feel good— eventually.” He teases and Bucky rolls his eyes with a small laugh.

Pleased, Zemo pushes up and goes to sit in the soft chair across the room, notably more comfortable than the one Bucky has been placed in. Although the more obvious differences being, Zemo is not bound, Zemo is not naked, and Zemo has not been so gently stroked and toyed with that he’s been left with a perfectly vulnerable erection like Bucky has.

You’d had a hard time focusing on the ropes as the Baron made it happen. The way he’d taken Bucky in hand, winding down the length of his sex was in a word, mesmerizing. And when Bucky made that sound, that soft, pleading sound and Zemo stopped — his brow raised with such smug confidence— you wondered who would break first, you or Bucky. He’d quickly brought his hand up with one last tease, his fingers swirling around the curving head of Bucky’s member only to let go as though he’d lost interest.

Bucky’s groan was deep. He was beyond frustrated, but instead of breaking out of his restrains and fucking one of the two of you, he sat there just waiting to be punished for breaking rules in the first place.

He watches as you come and kneel before him, naked yourself as you’ve been told to be. He actually looks slightly scared but mostly curious. His erection is as always flawlessly pretty, arching up and back, smooth while perfectly veined and so inciting.

You only know what it is you’re meant to do to him because you’ve had it done to you before. You figure it’s very similar, only the mechanics are different because his is a man. If Zemo doesn’t approve, he’ll tell you.

The Baron in charge picks up his drink, the ice rattling as he takes a sip and lets the scene settle in his sights for a moment. He likes to see the two of you together, his two helpless things— his to play with and his to love.

“Begin.”

Bucky inhales, but you smile at him to show that it won’t hurt— it’ll just drive him mad.

First you take the little bottle of body oil from the floor and put some in your hands rubbing them together.

He raises his brow watching you and starts to relax thinking he might understand now. You take him in hand and start to stroke, you are after all very good at this. Over and over again, up and down his long, thick shaft, curving your hand over the head of his cock until he moans and rolls his eyes shut. When he opens them he does seem a bit confused by this sudden attention and he flashes a smile because it feels so good. If this is all that’s been planned, he could get used to this sort of punishment.

The room is quiet, there’s nothing but the soft hum of the ship, his breathing and the wonderfully obscene sound of the oil you’re using against his skin as you work faster…

It’s not long before you feel him stiffen and his breath grows quicker, his thighs flex, his hips raise an inch and he starts to moan softly, a staccato sound of pleasure that makes even your heart beat faster. He’s been waiting and suffering through so much you can feel the joy of release seeping into every inch of his body.

“You feel it happening?” Zemo asks softly. “The start, the pressure mounting? You see, she is very good. And she will get you there James, every time— right to the edge”

You yank your hand away and he jerks forward mouth open cock twitching with the start of an orgasm he will not have.

“To the edge” Zemo chuckles. “A cruel punishment for a greedy man who must learn to wait.”

Bucky quickly lifts his head, the realization flashing in his eyes as his chest rises and falls. He looks down at you.

You smile and reach for him again.

*

“Please” He begs breathless.

“Not yet” Zemo says leaning forward a bit in his seat, the drink in his hand all but forgotten. You notice the ice has long since melted as you wait for permission, watching over your shoulder.

He gives you a nod and you turn back to Bucky.

Wrapping your hand around him again, you feel him so solid he’s like stone. His thighs are flexed, his hips raise up in the chair as you begin to jerk your hand up and down and the light reflecting off the oil makes you both shine like gold.

He moans and you watch the muscles of his abs flex as he feels the orgasm coming on, helpless to it and your skilled hand.

“I’m going to come.” He groans sounding sorry for and drops his hips.

“No, you won’t. I did not say that you can” Zemo says like the villain behind you.

“I can’t it hold back” Bucky pants, his voice is thin he sounds like he very well might lose control and you feel him pulse in your palm. You twist your hand around sliding it down to the base thinking it might help hold him off if your focus is less near the collection of nerve endings.

Zemo stands and comes to you, tapping your shoulder. You let him go with a quick up and down and Bucky’s disappointment is the saddest thing you’ve ever heard.

When Zemo looks down at the wonderfully pitiful sight, Bucky shuts his eyes. “Yellow.” He whispers. “Please, yellow.”

“All right.” Zemo says kindly and gives his head a rub. “Rest”

“Thank you.” Bucky manages.

You stand not caring what Zemo says and kiss Bucky’s cheek.

“You okay?” You ask, your hand on his shoulder, lifting his chin to look at his face.

“Please… don’t, don’t touch me for a minute?” He asks and you give an embarrassed laugh understanding his request. You’re not exactly innocent in his torment.

“Of course I’m sorry I…” Your sentence is cut off.

Zemo has you by the back of your arms and pulls you tight against him. “You, not her.”

Bucky sighs dropping his head.

“I’m still confused. Is, this what you wanted?” He asks feigning ignorance though with you naked its clear what Zemo means.

Bucky won’t look.

“Answer me.”

“No, I mean— yes Baron.” He concedes.

You feel Zemo’s laugh along your neck. “You wouldn’t have been fast enough to finish before I found you. Well, maybe you, but not her. Tell me, how quickly can you make her come?”

“What?”

“How quickly?”

You shut your eyes as soon as you realize where this is going.

“I don’t know. I mean she always got there.” Bucky says sounding slightly self conscious.

Zemo smiles. “Two minutes. I can finish her off in just two.”

“Ha!” Bucky doesn’t believe him, who would.

Oh Bucky…

“Tell him it’s true.” Zemo leans towards you.

You nod glancing at them both. “He does this… thing.” You tell Bucky. “He works my spot and my clit at the same time and I come. Fast.” You say simply and totally helpless to it.

“It’s not always the most fun, rarely my first choice; but great when we’re in a hurry.” He shrugs and takes a knee before you even realize that he has. “Open your legs.” He says looking up at you.

Your eyes go wide, surprised to see him down and waiting with Bucky watching. Still, you part your thighs and wisely lay your hands on his shoulders knowing you won’t be able to stay upright without the support.

“This? Right James? This warm, tight, safe place? This is what you wanted?” Zemo asks, teasing Bucky with the way he slides his fingers between your velvet soft folds. You feel him turn his hand and his finger circles your entrance. He sighs and takes hold of your hip to keep you in place.

Two fingers slip inside and you hiss against the stretch, biting your lip as your head lolls to the side. You try to hold in the loudest of your noise but it’s hopeless.

The Baron starts to do his thing and you wonder if you might be able to deny him the pleasure of making you come in front of Bucky again, but just like always you end up gripping his shoulders to keep from falling as he does a perfect come hither with his two fingers as his thumb rubs with the perfect amount of pressure on your throbbing clitoris. He can’t resist and licks your peak for good measure until you hold your breath as he sucks sloppily and until you come on his hand and just as quickly as always. Your wild moaning is nearly feral but you could not care less. It makes you smile to hear him laugh softly so pleased with himself and you and your eyes shut as you pant, catching your breath.

Lowering your head, your eyes only half open, you both look over at Bucky who is glaring at the Baron.

“James.”

“Yes.”

“Stop breaking the rules.”

“Yes Baron.” He says giving in completely.

Zemo smiles and slowly pulls his fingers free from you, raising his hand just enough to show them so wet and sticky and glistening. He kisses your belly and looks up at you. “Go lie down.” He says rubbing your stomach, smoothing his hand over your soft tuft of hair. You’re still floating as you do, happy to go and rest and leave them to it.

“Would you like to come now?” You hear Zemo ask Bucky as he gets up and goes around the chair.

“Please.” Bucky whispers watching you sink down onto the bed on your side.

“I can finish you off just as quickly as I did her.”

“Yes. Please.” He begs through clenched teeth rising up again as if presenting himself to be relieved, the steady rush of blood to his lower half turning his cock a darker shade of desperate as it rises up like a tower ready to fall. “I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you.” He pants “I’m sorry I tried to fuck her. I’m sorry for breaking your rules. And I will do anything, please just… fuck. Please!”

Helmut leans down hushing him, pressing his face close to Bucky’s, grabbing him around the chest as his left hand comes reaching over his stomach promising an end to the day’s long torment.

He grips the soldiers gorgeous, endlessly taunted dick; your natural lubricant replacing the oil to help glide his fingers along.

When Zemo starts to work Bucky you can see through the look on his face that this is all he’s wanted to do for so long and you are reminded that this is as much the Baron’s discipline as it is yours— as it is Bucky’s.

Bucky makes a deep sound that gets your attention. His body flexes and you think he looks like a bomb ready to blow. A sexy, finely muscled, lightly tanned bomb with a look of pained excitement as his legs open and his jaw flexes.

“Are you mine James?” Zemo asks, his lips brushing his ear,

“Yes” He says pitifully raising his hips, thrusting once into the Baron’s hand just as Zemo lets go. A deep frown fixes between Bucky’s brows as he waits until Zemo grabs again and starts to perfectly stroke him.

Bucky’s mouth opens, his eyes fix on the incredibly hypnotic rhythm of Zemo’s hand.

“You’ve always been mine haven’t you?”

“Yes!” Bucky nearly shouts, his brows turned down with the exquisite anguish of the nearing release.

“Say it again,” Zemo demands, his right arm tight around Bucky, his eyes shut relishing in the control and the love, you listen to the wet rhythm as it gets faster.

“Yes.”

“Say it!”

“I’ve always been yours” Bucky moans loudly and glances over at you unable to keep your hand away from your pussy selfishly wanting to come again.

“Once more.” Helmut says opening his eyes. The muscle of his arm is flexed beautifully as he pounds.

Bucky moans so similarly to you that Helmut just smiles. He knows, he understands the hold he has over you both.

“I’m yours” Bucky manages and the Baron focuses his movement as if pulling the orgasm from Bucky’s body willing it to come forward. He jerks his hand up and away…but this time he’s finished the job.

He holds Bucky as the man cries out, his hips rising high this time, his cock pulsing with a tight up and down as he finally —god, finally— gives a high pitched groan with that first explosive release of come that shoots past his stomach and onto his own chest followed by equally satisfying spasms that send milky droplets flying free into the air and across his stomach onto Zemo’s arms; Bucky’s groaning and gasping near tears with the absolute exhaustion and relief of his well deserved climax, his moans and gasps of surprise so raw and unaffected.

By the time he lowers back down to the chair unable to do much more than sit there, limp and panting with his eyes closed, Helmut is holding him, caring nothing for the mess. He seems to love the sight of the pearlescent results of Bucky’s incredible orgasm as much as you do.

Smiling as he strokes Bucky’s hair, kissing his temple, he says with a tone only Helmut Zemo could manage at a moment like this, “You see. When you listen to me, I make it worth every second, every moment of torment. Yes?”

Bucky nods but it’s weak.

Zemo chuckles softly, kisses him again and reaches down easily undoing the ropes.

“Look at you both.” He says trying to sound angry, as if it’s not all his fault. “You can’t come to dinner like this. I’ll run a bath.”

He leaves Bucky and comes to the bed bending over you, his hand so sticky from the combination is heavy on your belly as he kisses your lips. “Hows your ass?” He asks.

“Still on fire.” You say and he winks as he rises.

“Good."

*

“You’re pretty quiet over there.” Bucky says splashing you from across the large tub. You’ve both been in for a while now after Zemo took a quick shower and left you alone letting you know he’d be up waiting at the dinner table.

Roused from your daydream but still not sure you want to talk about why you’re so quiet, you glance over and shrug.

“Whats wrong? You’re not mad about what happened are you?” Bucky asks sliding a little closer. The tub is surprisingly big in an already large bathroom and yet again you wonder how you’ll return to real life when this all ends.

“What happened?” You ask him.

“Getting you in trouble? He really put a shine on your backside.” Bucky says, a smile breaking through any attempt at being serious.

You sit up surprised to hear that’s what he thinks it could be. “Ha! No. Not at all. That was amazing… god” You tip your head back, the image of Bucky, naked and tired to a chair with Zemo holding him and whispering in his ear will be seared into your mind for life. “I didn’t know you could come that much.” You say, slowly looking back down at him,trying not to giggle.

“Neither did I.” He says practically blushing before he grins. “Same goes for you.” He tosses right back.

You laugh and roll your eyes. “Okay well we both know he’s capable of turning us into sex crazed idiots apparently.” You say with a cheeky grin and Bucky laughs shaking his head with a sigh.

“What is it? Some Sokovian spell or something, magic from the old world?” Bucky says with a thick accent wiggling his wet soapy fingers in the air.

Laughing you scrunch your nose. “Nah, that’s all him. Just wait until you’ve been around him long enough to get to the good stuff.”

“The good stuff!” He looks shocked “Well what the hell is all this!”

“This is amazing, but it not… well it’s not him. Theres so much more than sex. Watching tv. Eating dinner in bed. Naps— once he read to me.” You say with a sigh and the room goes silent as you both slip into a day dream laced with Helmuts beautiful voice surrounding you as he reads the classics on a warm summer night…

“You think he sits around daydreaming about us like this?” Bucky asks with a frown. “I worry sometimes.”

“Really?” You ask looking into his big blue eyes. Hundred years old and still so sweet. “Of course he does. Bucky, he wouldn’t have done any of this if he didn’t spend as much time thinking of us as we do him. Don’t be so naive”

He nods looking out the window and you know he’s just out of practice. He probably had a swarm of girls around him back when his life was normal. Maybe even a secret guy. But how long ago had that been. And since he’d been released from the words, his only real time spent with anyone has been with the two of you. For a moment you wonder if that’s fair. He should go out on dates or something, but then again you did try to get him on some apps. He hated them all. Women swiped right like it was their job of course, but he thought it was strange and wanted to meet them the old fashioned way but when he did he could only focus on what he didn’t like and just compared them to you— and Zemo.

“Hey.” You get his attention again. “I mean it, I’m really not upset about anything that happened earlier. Thanks for being such a rule breaker.” You say with a wink.

“No problem” He laughs as if that was his intention. Bucky’s expression softens as he sits back, the water rocking under the bubbles.

Bubbles. Talk about a diva, is anyone is on this big ass boat it’s him. Two adults having a bath drawn from them; why not throw in the bubbles. You roll your eyes ignoring the way your chest gets tight with the feel of being so adored and loving every second of his over the top ways and focus on Bucky who looks stunning in the bath— your heart sinking just a little.

“So what is it?” He asks unaware of your many distractions.

You look back to the window staring up at the sky for a while. “I’m just… sad.” You say giving in to the truth “I mean, I’m thrilled being here. But I’ve had this idea that I could talk you into staying with us. I keep imagining this life with you and Helmut and I know it can’t happen for so many reasons but I’m stubborn and spoiled. I truly hate not getting my way. So I keep thinking, maybe.”

He goes quiet now understanding, and then you feel his hand on your knee under the water. “I know. I’ve thought about it too. Maybe a little too much. Definitely enough that I’ve almost convinced myself it could work, but no. It just wouldn’t.”

You press your lips hesitant to say in case you might offend him but decide to just go for it. “And you’re sure it’s not just that you miss it? Saving the world and everything? I mean, I can see how it would be appealing— from controlled killer to stoic hero.” You tease gently, wiggling your brows up and down until he laughs a little, probably more annoyed than you’d like, and whatever facade you’d put on crumbles. The look of heartbreak turns your brows down, twisting your face with the agony of losing him. He looks surprised to see you so broken about it and finds your hand through the water.

“Hey hey hey.” He pulls but you’re not in the mood to be comforted. Bucky hates when you don’t let him coddle you, but he knows better than to fight it so he simply answers your question. “Yes.Well. No I mean, it’s nice. But honestly, if you really want to know, I could get used to being domesticated.” He shrugs letting go of your hand as he looks towards the shower where Zemo was and you swallow the tears that have been overpowered by your intrigue.

Managing a laugh at his expense you poke his arm on the rim of the tub. “Really? By me or Helmut?” You ask and swear you see him blush.

“You’ve already proven you can turn me into a homebody, and happy to be there, so —Maybe both?” He shrugs and there is such a tone of possibility in his statement that you’re instantly transported into a world in which the three of you are living happily. Maybe in this Mediterranean paradise, you’ve just come home from the market with ingredients for a dinner that Bucky has asked you to pick up and you help him cook while music blasts in your small but bright kitchen and you dance around until the house smells delicious and you set the table, flirting and toying with one another until everything looks beautiful before rushing to sit just as your Baron comes through the door…

Even here and now sitting in the tub with you, Bucky looks like the sweetest house husband glowing a soft gold in the light of the sun. What you wouldn’t give to be his forever. His his and hers, you think and your chin quivers with the threat of happy miserable tears.

Bucky isn’t oblivious to your hurting but he’s trying to keep strong, he can’t give in to you, not this time. “We’ll never know if I stick around.” He says and your little vision fades “I think I’ve got one visit, maybe two in me before someone notices an avenger hanging around their town and his cover is blown. You don’t want that. I don’t want that. I’d never forgive myself."

“I know.” You say and only realize that your head is down when his hand, which is covered in white bubbles reaches to lift your chin.

“Hey, come one. None of that. We’ve only got a little bit of time. I just want to make the most of it. Give me enough good memories to finally forget about whats left of the bad.”

You smile and nod, blowing the bubbles away before they go up your nose. “Fine.” You sigh and look back out the window hugging your knees. “Buck, can I ask you something?”

“Of course.” He says only cringing a little when you call him Buck.

“Do you think you might ever love him?”

Bucky freezes. He looks— odd. Uncomfortable. Exposed? You realize very quickly that he already does, even if he’s not aware of it and decide not to push him

“It’s okay. I was just curious.” You say and try to calm him with your smile “We come from very different worlds. Letting myself love a man like Helmut Zemo took little to no effort for me, for you— I know why it might come as a shock. But I think you’ll find, when you do admit it to yourself and to him, he might just surprise you with how quickly he says it back.”

[certifiedbamf]

Well, I've opened Tumblr. Guess I have some things to write down again.

[12DEC2021; 2045PST]

It sure has been awhile since I've opened up this app. Literally had to sign in again because I got a new phone. Anyway I'm here and I guess it's been over a year since the last time I wrote one of these...rants? Yeah a rant, I guess. Decided to change my profile picture on here because holy shit was it cringe. I don't ever read my old posts because: 1 - they're very long & 2 - they're just probably super sad boy shit and, unfortunately, probably still relevant despite the passage of time.

Basically, I don't really know what's going on. For the past, I don't know, 3 months or so I've just been going with the flow. No real goal set. No real plans to do anything. Just taking things as they come and rolling with them. In hindsight, I shouldn't have done this. I became complacent and sometimes just straight up lazy. I should've spent my time better. Spent it doing something that might actually have a net positive rather than just breaking even or just below that. I don't know. I won't say it was a waste of time because I definitely learned a good amount in the last few months. But time is valuable and finite. Sure I learned stuff but had I actually spent some time thinking about what to do rather than just agreeing to things off the cuff I might be in a much better position right now. Mentally and physically. Story of my life. No way this is the first time I've mentioned something about spending time doing something better or differently. I swear to myself I've changed and yet here I am on Tumblr complaining about the same thing again, probably.

But this time it's especially bad. I'm deploying in about a month. I'll be gone for 5 months. Very far away from everyone. I won't be in any danger or anything but it'll truly feel lonely there. Especially since it's winter. My barber (who's Korean) tells me the winters in South Korea are brutal. Which means I'll probably be confined quite a bit. COVID restrictions are rough too so, yeah, lots of doing nothing. Don't get me wrong, I'm excited about it. I'll get to do some stuff, probably. But, at the end of the day, there's nobody. There won't be anybody for me back here either. I won't even have a place to live, literally (that's an easy problem to solve though).

It really just comes down to that. I've got this big thing coming up and I didn't spend my time here the way I really wanted to. Of course, I'm realizing this now. Typical me. Realizing mistakes after the fact. A day late and a dollar short.I know it's not forever but the big bummer is going to be coming back to nothing but the same sad rigamarole. I could've used that wasted time on something that could've made me happy...in the long run.

{For you}

I don't know if you'll ever see this but I know there was a time or two in the past where you brought up my Tumblr. So, on the off chance that you happen to read this, I just have a few things to say.

There isn't a day that goes by where you aren't on my mind. That probably sounds like bullshit and you have every right to think that but it's the truth. I don't know what happened. We were talking all the time. Every day. Had a big Snap streak and everything and I just...stopped. I don't get it. That was...months ago? I haven't reached out to you since and it's mostly because I feel like I'm the last person you want to talk to. You can't be happy with me. I'm not happy with me. I haven't moved on to anyone else. I haven't just stopped caring about you. I haven't stopped loving you. I'm just lost, I guess. Only I know that. And, well, now I guess you do too. I do a pretty good job at making people think I'm fine but my mind is like a dumped out file cabinet and I keep trying to organize the things that don't really matter. Anyway, I don't know what else to say. I miss you a lot and I miss talking to you....I felt like I had you for a bit there. Then I...got scared or something. I don't know. I'm just an idiot. You were the best I've ever had.

It's your birthday soon. I'm going to ball up and at least wish you a happy birthday. But...I want to talk to you again.

[dana-chan-the-control-brain]

Happy new year everyone 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉

I know 2020 has been hard for everyone.

And I want everyone to know, suffering isn't a contest and we all suffer in different ways. But I feel I should give my year in Review. Just some things that happened to me personally.

This was an intense, and long and spiritual and emotional journey for me...

I really discovered what it meant to have community, family and what my life means to me.

But I feel I need to get this in writing cause I can remember the year with vivid detail and I will probably forget if I don't get it down.

Do I have to share this publically online to my tumblr account for a bunch of strangers to see? not really.

Do I want to?

Yes. I think so. Just from how so many people on tumblr and real life have touched me.

This is kinda long and no one needs to read this.

(idk how to do a readmore on mobile. But this is where I would add it later. No one needs to read if they don't want to.)

January/February: (and some background on the last five years of my life cause.....well. it's important.)

As people knew, I got way into Invader Zim last summer. I spent most of my waking life working a dead end job at a grocery store. I lived a sad lonely life, going straight home to a single dark studio apartment. With not many material possessions outside of games, my laptop and my tablet to my name. Half of my material loves, such as home furnishings and books were still in boxes from when I moved in. In case I ever had to move again, or get some "big screenshot or copywriter" job in the city.

....

I lived in that city in the same dead end job and apartment for five years.

No friends. No social life. I often refused to make doctor appointments or attempt to establish myself in that city. I didn't even talk to anyone in my workplace.

Work. Go online. Go to sleep.

I lived like that for five years.

I thought it was good.

Even my therapist thought I was doing well.

When I really wasn't. My main character flaw I struggle with is motivation.

I can talk to someone about very detailed plans I have to fix a problem... But I tend to never follow through.

Just because I can describe in detail how to fix my personal problems, it doesn't mean I will do it.

(I have gotten better at this but it's a major struggle)

I might have been a Zombie during the day...

But by night I was pouring my soul into my AU and my analysis.

After being so thoughly ignored or overlooked by the Naruto fandom and the Undertale fandom, I felt like I had finally found my home and was settling into a community there.

I just loved that people loved what I had to say.

Especially my AU.

It's no secret that a lot of themes in my au revolve around found family, grief, and loss.......

Fatherhood, in particular.

What it means to be a father, how much do you need to try when you mess up, how willing should a child forgive their parent, especially those that have wronged you and how much of it is factually accurate and simply a self projection of what children want their parents to be and visa versa... What amount of forgiveness and change is nessasary...is it needed?

....

It's no secret that a lot of my AU is a giant coping mechanism for my Dad's death. Espessially the falling out and growing closer with a lot of my family members throughout the years following his death. (Most of the time I keep it ambiguous to how it relates to my personal life unless I include a readmore that states so outright. I feel my au can be enjoyed by a variety of people in the fandom who don't need to know me as a person or my life story.)

My Dad passed away in 2016 in February and my family still feels the aftershocks to this day.

It's part of the reason I moved to the city, alienated myself from my family and people that loved me and refused to experience life for five years.

My entire world was Zim, and I was okay.

March: When America finally realized and started to feel the effects of the pandemic....

A lot of people got scared.

Me included.

I didn't have any streaming services or access to the news. So I only heard accounts from my mom.

I didn't understand why the store was so dead quiet and empty for a few days, then it went into mass chaos and panic in the span of two days.

It felt like Retail black friday in the worst way. Everyone was packed like sardines. Everyone was yelling. The lines at the registers bled into the clothing department.

I was witness to customers shoving others for toilet paper, being rude to cashier's and just overall unpleasantness.

At the time, I didn't even fully grasp what the pandemic was, and I feel a lot of people at the time didn't either.

I ended up absentmindedly scratching my eyebrow in front of a customer and she screamed and villanised me for it. That they didn't want groceries touched by my "unclean hands"

I ended up breaking down into tears.

The customer behind me gave me a hug and told me I was doing a great job.

But the damage was done. It was the final straw, I couldn't stop crying and I was breaking apart.

Thankfully my Boss (the one who likes me) pulled me aside and asked what's wrong.

It was then that I quit. No notice. Same day. I had to get out of there.

I was planning to move to an apartment with my sister in the summer, but my Mom offered for me to move back in with her temperarily just so I can get out of the city and away from the pandemic.

So I did.

I got scared, broke my lease a month early and quit my job of five years that gave me nothing back.

He told me, "take care of yourself and your family, I won't keep you here, do what you need to do."

So I did.

April-June:

A very eventful few months.

My mom offered for me to live at her place, but for some reason she was acting like I would live there forever. That this wasn't a temporary arrangement, and that I didn't have an apartment set up already.

This was in large part to my sister, who had lived with my mom taking advantage of her for years.

Even though my sister and I were going to move in together, I was just never sure about it cause of how she never packed her stuff or made any effort to find a job.

My mom often acted like I was lazy and not searching and was treating me like... Well, an unruly teenager instead of a woman of 29 years. She acted like I was a failure for returning home when it was her idea in the first place.

I would have just been petrified in the city.

Like usual, I retreated to my au again.... And in the spring, something eventful happened.

In may, 8th 2020:

I was invited by @rissynicole to join an invader zim discord.

Now, I've never really used discord before. I always thought it's interface is too confusing.. and I'm a member of a few other iz discords and I usually don't follow them that closely.

Rissy assured me it was different cause some friends of thiers made it and it was smaller.

Before I knew it, I was sharing memes and getting to know everyone there.

It wasn't long after I invited my partner in IZ crimes, @paketdimensioncomic who was genuinely wary of iz servers due to a bad experience with the last one they were a part of.

But soon they were sharing memes and laughing with everyone else.

My eyes were starting to open and I was able to connect to fans of my work in an interpersonal way. And I was able to discover new artists and aus I never knew about.

I was also able to meet so many others of the community and invite them to the server myself.

The moo-ping 10 server kept me sane while I was living with my judgmental mother.

Not only that, the summer was very productive for my au.

Drawing was all I did, and it was a huge break from the job as a cashier I had.

Not only that, June came, and with it, me and Ceph's first collab fic:

A result of us just going back and forth in our DMs constantly about Professor Membrane and how he changed in ETF for the better and how much we adamantly stan "trying-to-be-a-good-dad-brane" and how much of his ETF development has to be implied off screen in order for the emotional resolution in the movie to matter.

The only reason I never professed my love for Membrane as a character in the fandom before the fic dropped was.... Well....

Membrane can be a decisive character in the fandom and I was so worried people would hate me if I did an analysis on him, simply because he's not the best parent in the world. (As an understatement)

Ceph and I really encouraged each other to scream our love for the science himbo loud and proud more frequently and so often.... I actually start to see less Membrane hate posts and breakdowns then their used to be.... I like to think it's a combination of Me and Ceph's influence, along with ETF and the Quarterly's painting Membrane in a slightly more nuanced light then he was previously.

I never wrote a collab fic before and it's such a rewarding and fun and unique experience that I don't think I'll ever have again. And I love working with Ceph on our fics so much.

So much so we did it again...

July-August:

I never thought I would be one of those people who writes NSFW IZ fic... But here I am.

The Brainbrane au started.... An au of my au where Membrane and the Computer fall in love and Membrane makes him a body.

This ship was based around the idea where we joked that Membrane and Zim's Computer would have funny interactions if they ever met, under the pretense Membrane thinks Computer is Zim's parent.

Our headcanons morphed and shifted until we just full blown started shipping them.

Just because Membrane and Zim's Computer have overall REALLY entertaining chemistry.

It's a character dynamic never seen in the show or comics (yet) and I imagine thier interactions to be nothing but entertaining banter.

The fic was also born from spite... Making fun of the troupes and cliches that we found personally destestible in some questionable zadr fics.

So an angry ace and a demi-bisexual collab on a porn and end up blessing the fandom with

Compapa headcanons,

Computer being recognized as a more common used fanon character,

The ship of Brainbrane.

The fandom having a crisis of "oh God, not only are we xenophiles we're technophiles too!!!" Or "why you gotta give Zim's Computer an ass"

More android Computer designs

It was an eventful summer.

In the midst of all this, I moved into my new place, got a new job, and I was able to see my friend (who is def my platonic straight soul mate) who lives in Indiana.

She came to visit, showed me how to decorate and how to take care of my body better! Things were looking up! It was great.

September-November:

My job was at a boat store. If was approaching the fall and my hours were being severely cut.

I was getting into a rut of depression again.

I thought things were changing but the same routine I was trying to escape from was the same thing coming back.

But instead of letting it take hold, I decided I was going to do something about it... I was gonna visit a museum and go with my sister. Just... variety stimulation.

Well that didn't happen.

I talked about this shortly in my au itself...but..

My sister had a complete mental breakdown.

She stopped taking her meds, went off the deep end and was in the hospital a total of five times throughout November.

A lot of it was acting out and the perfect storm of environmental factors that made her scream and act out so she would keep going back to the hospital.

It was traumatizing for me.

I just can't explain what it's like. For her and for me to be in that position.

I'm not telling the full story and a lot of bullshit things happened I won't share here.

She got diagnosed with bipolar one and my mom expected me to be a caretaker for her.

I threatened to disown my family and move away out of state.

It was just too much for me to handle.

So much I was a nervous wreck.

I tried to pick up a second job... Cause my sister was in the mental ward so frequently and couldn't pay the bills.

But I was fired within a week cause I was so stressed I couldn't retain the basic information they were training me for.

It was an office job.

My dream.

It could have been.

I was fired from something I really wanted.

I was only there for three days.

I could not retain any information.

I was a mess.

My sister was a trigger, my mom wanted me to live with her. I couldn't live like this.... I had to get out.

I had to get out.

December:

Remember my Indiana friend?

Well the first week of December is my birthday.

My 30th to be exact.

While I did pick up a seasonal position at Target (not my first pick)

I took the first week of December off so I could spend time with her. Cause she agreed, I needed a break from this crap.

Surviving 30 years is cause to celebrate and if I had to celebrate with my sister I would have cried.

I know there was a risk traveling out of state during a pandemic...

But I needed out, I needed a friend..

And I kinda wanted to look at the place since I was considering moving there.

My friend's mom was sick so she avoided me and her daughter and got us a hotel room.

It was fun! I got to swim in a salt water pool, we talked about Naruto, I showed her the iz and su art books I brought, also Computer and Membrane tea.

I also got to meet her other friends and get crunk. And her bf who is super nice and funny!

I had a super fun birthday....

Until her mom told my friend that her grandparents had covid and that was what she had. And my friend got sick within that same day.... As did I.

I owe so much to her family.

I was an entire state away...about a ten hour drive from home.... She let me stay at her house. "The covid house" we called it.

Cause everyone (except the father. He avoided everyone and booked a hotel immediately cus he was an ER doctor) had covid within a day.

I called in, the test results were positive and I had to stay with her family for ten days quarantine before I could work again.

Which would have been fine....

If my tumblr didn't log me out perminately of my old account. @dana-chan325 .... Which really sucked cause I had a constant headache and was too sick to engage with tumblr or much of the fandom. I didn't want to make a new account when my head was in a bad fog and I could barely breathe or smell.

It's not like I saw much of my friend either.... We all slept at different hours and she had more symptoms then I did.

It was just netflix, danganronpa v3 and cry.

I was miserable, but at the same time.... Not?

I really feel like God himself was the one who pulled me off from tumblr, and my living situation.

Maybe a whole extra week feeling like a bobblehead was what I needed.

It gave me some much needed clarity on my relationships with my mom and sis and friend.

Running away to Indiana was not the solution here.

Once I was better within ten days and no longer had a leave of absence, I drove home.

I am glad I fully recovered (but from how I understand it, my dear friend is still ill. I'm praying for her)

I might have gone to work a bit too soon, cause I had an asthma attack after trying to unload a single cart in the span of six hours.

My boss lectured that my speed was unacceptable, and even though I explained the covid situation and breathing problems many times, she threatened that I'd be fired if I'm that slow again.

Que the next few days of work where they put me on register.

Instantly I was sent into a panic remembering the last time I was on the register and how that panic attack caused me to quit.

I even asked if I could go back to stocking, since my breathing had improved. My boss assured me that I was put on the register cause they needed help and nothing to do with my covid thing.

Then as December concluded and the new year began, my boss said that this was the last shift for me cause my position was seasonal and they were letting a lot of people go.

I then asked why I was on the schedule for Sunday, and he told me to ignore it and I'm free to reapply for full-time.

I mean.... They can act smart about it...

But putting your general merchandise stocker onto register after she had an asthma attack and missed working the first two weeks of December due to covid.....

Not a good look.

So once again, I'm jobless once more.

Will probably continue to live with my sister for awhile.

But I do not feel as if it's a bad thing....

I met so many good people this year....

My friend's family even gave me 500 usd to cover my rent since I couldn't work for a majority of December.

I've seen evil and good from humanity this year. I've seen acts of god, good friends and what my real family means to me as well as friends I consider family.

This year really made me look back at the person in the mirror and say,

"I deserve better."

And actually worked for it this time.

Oh and after Christmas I got a horrible yeast infection that burns over most of my body currently.

Very accurate doodle to the pain I'm in right now.

(seriously my body is a fungus.)

But hey, good news, I respected myself enough to go to the doctor about it!!

So that's progress.

I really hope 2021 holds good things for me.

Thank you to the mooping 10 server for always being there and keeping me sane,

Thank you tumblr for liking my au and everything.

AND A SUPER SPECIAL THANK YOU TO @evartandadam and her family for housing me and my dumb diseased ass. Everyone, she is an angel and I can't express how much she means to me. Please check out her art and buy her stuff on redbubble.

Anyways... Byebye 2020.

I look forward to what I can accomplish for myself this year.

[mserm]

Fic Writer Interview Meme

@starvels tagged me in this and I feel very loved.

Name: msermesth, sometimes ms, or erm, or mserm.

Fandoms: Always Marvel, forever Marvel, primarily focusing on comic stuff and the MCU. I discovered the Untamed a few months ago and I've been obsessed ever since. There are a couple of random things in there, and I've recently gone down a RPF rabbit hole I don't want to talk about.

Two-Shots:

1. Won't Stop to Surrender is the only fic I've done that's two chapters. It's a Steve/Tony missing scene fic that goes through CACW, and each chapter is a different POV. I really like this fic! It's really moody, but I really enjoy rereading it.

Most Popular Fics:

1. In Dreams (Everything Makes Sense) is my first posted fic. Oh, god it feels like forever ago. Rereading it gives me a a combo of second hand embarrassment and pride. I do really like a lot of the scenes, though. I've gotten better at titles since then, too

2. Detours in Getting to Yes - or the 'gentrification' fic. I'm pro this fic. It required a lot of research, both canon-wise and housing policy wise.

3. A Proportional Response - President Cap is a cockblock. Finally a conduit for all of my West Wing knowledge. Even the title is a reference.

4. Magnetic North - Did I arbitrarily extend this list just to include this fic? Yes. I am so full of pride for this fic. I love everything about it, right down to the setting. It took up so much of my brain space that once I posted it I couldn't listen to the associated playlist for years.

Actual Worst Part of Writing:

Editing. I'll let something sit indefinitely if it means I can avoid editing it. I'm not good at detail work and am just an awful speller, and yeah, editing. I hate it.

How You Choose Your Titles:

Lots of song lyrics, honestly. I like trying to think of interesting titles that aren't song lyrics, and am proud of Detours in Getting to Yes and Magnetic North for that reason. I really enjoyed when I did that 'Flash Fics for New Comics' thing because I didn't have to title shit unless it sparked joy. That was great.

Do You Outline:

If it's long, somewhat? If it requires keeping an eye on what day of the week it is (In Dreams was like that), then I will. For other long fics I might now write something down, but I have a strong sense of how many scenes they will be and what will happen in them. Sometimes I'll free associate outline when I'm feeling stuck.

Stuff You'd Like to Write, But Are Not Writing:

More not Marvel stuff, honestly. I'm working on some Untamed stuff, so that doesn't really count, but there's a lot of smaller fandoms I wish I would make the effort to dip my toes into. The Americans, for example.

I'd also like to write some smaller ships in Marvel, and more gen type stuff.

What do you got to say to yourself?

You're happier when you're writing you're happier when you're writing you're happier when you're writing. But also don't get to obsessed or tire yourself out. Talk to people! Community is important! And stop it with the compound sentences they really throw off your rhythm.

Best Writing Traits:

Feels? I like the feels I write. I'm proud of most of the porn, too, lol. When I get in a groove, I'm there, and it's great, and so much writing happens.

Tangential Opinion:

The weird, only-you-can-write-it stuff is always going to be your best. Don't be afraid to let your freak flag fly. I don't even mean in a sexy way, just know that those weird quirks your brain is obsessed with is what makes your writing so great to others. And there's always someone with the same quirks.

tagging: I'm going to be that person who doesn't tag anybody. I think most of the people I know have been tagged and also I'm too lazy to see if the rest have either. Just know that if we're mutuals and you see this and want to do it, I WANT YOU TO DO IT. They're really fun to read.

[rpmemesbyarat]

RP meme from FernGully

Our world was much larger then.

The forest went on forever.

Many lives were lost and the humans fled in fear, never to return.

Oh well, what can I learn from you?

There's a simple harmony to life

The air we breathe is a magic thing

Life is a magic thing

Comin' through! Watch out! Here I come!

What'd you see up there?

Okay, what's the password?

There are worlds within worlds

Everything in our world is connected by the delicate strands of the web of life, which is balanced between forces of destruction and the magic forces of creation.

Why can't I do it?

You have to find it in yourself.

But, what could have caused the smoke?

Oh, what a strange little bug.

Love the haircut.

And where are you from?

I just blew in from a biology lab.

my brain is scrambled!

All of our cosmetics are noncarcinogenic.

I've been brain-fried, electrified, infected and injectified

Nurse, I need a checkup from my neck up

They used and abused me, battered and bruised me

Get me another one. Get me another animal!

Exercise a little prudence when dealing with humans

No, no, there are no humans.

¡Adios, amigos! Ding! Check, please.

Humans don't have tails. They have big, big bottoms that they wear with bad shorts. They walk around going, Hi, Helen!

Did you really see humans?

Humans did this.

You got a great set of wings. Let's just flutter for a while.

My heart! Oh, my heart! I can't go on. Help me!

Maybe you should wait here for me.

It's okay, really. I'll be right back.

Why do I not believe you?

Don't have a cow. Sheesh!

"Don't go!" I said. "Bad idea." I said. But would you listen? No.

Take anything you want. I won't tell the cops.

The monster, it tried to eat you.

What a nightmare. I thought I saw a human.

Kill it! Restrain it! Medicate it! Something!

Back! Back! Get back! Don't worry! I've got it scared.

I have but one claw, but beware.

Are you really a human?

I just can't control this hunger

You're a welcome little snack.

Can you dig it?

Welcome to the food chain!

Uh, what's a human?

Delicious and nutritious. Tastes just like chicken.

You owe me a free dinner after this one.

I shrank you.

Of course, it's not what the spell is really supposed to do.

Now, unshrink me, and I mean now!

Okay, come on. Bash away.

Uh, let me try again.

I'd rather suck wax fruit.

That's the problem with the world today. People are lazy.

How many times a day I gotta threaten your life?

I've got so many things I want to ask you.

What was that monster that tried to eat you?

That wasn't a monster. That was a machine.

You didn't have anything to do with that machine, did you?

You've got nothing to worry about.

I want to learn magic like yours.

It's fire.

Mmm, delicious. A first-class smoke.

Of course, humans. What wonderful creatures. So clever, so helpful.

You'll just have to work harder, then. Double shifts. No breaks.

Oh, what a miraculous device.

I'm really getting the hang of this.

I do believe we are destined to be soul mates.

Hit me one time! Hit me twice!

Oh, that's rather nice.

I suck 'em dry, and spit 'em out like spinach.

Greedy human beings will always lend a hand, with the destruction of this, worthless jungle land.

What a beautiful machine they have provided

We're looking. What are we looking for?

What are the trees like where you live?

But how can you live without trees?

Trees give life, they make the clouds, the rain, the air.

Don't you miss talking to the forest?

Can't say I've actually talked with a forest before.

It's raining like magic

It's falling like starlight

The forest is breathing

Awesome use of the language, dude.

You are one bodacious babe.

We're communicating now.

Can't you feel its pain?

Did I say something wrong?

Wow! What is this place?

Hey, that's my human!

I'm blind! Oh, no!

I can see! It's a miracle!

No worries. I'm okay. Thank you for caring.

It's just a few bruises.

Nobody cares about me.

Only fools are positive.

I fell for it! I should have known!

Yep, there goes the neighborhood.

Where have you been? I've been looking all over for you.

Shouldn't we be charging admission for this?

Look, I found it, so I'll explain it, all right?

It's alive!

I know what music is, and that is not music.

I need somebody to help me! Come on!

Come on! Move, move, move!

I'm up to anything you can dish out, bud.

There's no hurry.

Let it wait 'til tomorrow. Come here.

A force outside of nature did this.

I can't heal it, and I can't stop it.

Humans did it. Humans did it all.

You lied to me!

They're coming this way. You can't stop them. You'll have to leave.

You're not half bad for a hominid.

Truth doesn't always win friends, but it certainly influences people.

All the magic of creation exists within a single tiny seed.

Look for the hero inside yourself, [NAME]. Look to the good and loving heart in you and all others. For just as every seed holds the power and magic of creation, so, too, do you and every other creature in this world.

I love you. I'll always be with you.

We all have a power, and it grows when it is shared.

Come on. We gotta get everyone out of here.

This is the last time I save you, human.

Are you crazy? That's lemming talk.

Did you see that? It looked like some kind of flying rat.

Oh, this is gonna hurt.

You need a set of your own wings.

Mmm. Lovely wings. So easily detached.

What happened to the energy?

There's a part of me that really wants to stay.

Keep the stereo, dude.

What happened here?

I will remember.

[owlsbride]

Icha Icha and Prejudice: The Book Club

Chapter V: A Suitable Marriage

"So…" Sakura answered, arriving at an obvious conclusion observing her cup of sake "now you have to go all way to Suna to solve Naruto's mess."

"Yes," Kakashi nodded, looking at the empty space behind her "I'm not exactly thrilled about it, but it's my job after all." He concluded finally directing his gaze to Sakura to look at her big furious green eyes. He suppressed an inner smile.

"But why? Why don't you send Naruto back again? He was the one that asked the Kazekage an extra train program to be a better Hokage" Sakura started annoyed "And Gaara accepted. What was he thinking? Besides, they both made this mess together."

It was infuriating. Gaara, the most collect man she has ever known, all so stoic, silently analyzing everything around him with his sharp mind. Separated from the world, absorbed in his thoughts with his celestial eyes always directed to the horizon, protecting his village. She couldn't understand it.

"Maa, Sa Ku Ra, calm down" Kakashi spoke with his soft tone, guessing what was going on inside her mind "Gaara may be the Kazekage, and a great one, by the way, a fine young man, but inside he's still a child. I think he's still trying to figure out what human relationships are all about, and when being too friendly or solicitous is too much. I guess he couldn't say no to a friend." There was so much tenderness in his words that Sakura sighed leaning back in her chair a little less angry.

"God, he's worst than Sai." Sakura agreed finally most to herself than to Kakashi thinking about the problems that the young man with black hair suffered and caused due to his lack of social empathy.

"Trust me Sakura, if I were to choose between them both..." Kakashi left the phrase hanging. He was not mad at the Kazekage nor Naruto, he was just tired and resigned with the last one. Naruto would never really change.

"Still..." Sakura began again "I don't know why you can not solve this problem from here. Was it that bad?

"You couldn't just start to imagine."

"But this weather..." She was less angry but pushier now.

"If I didn't know you better, I would think you don't want to let me go, Sakura" he spoke in such a suggestive way that Sakura trembled under his gaze "but I'm sure is not the case, right?"

"Of course not Hokage Sama" she was blushing, a lot "I'm just worried about the security of our leader." Sakura finally answered, wrinkling her nose. Kakashi laughed at her face.

"Relax Sakura, I'm not just an old useless politician".

"I guess you are right... you are not a politician" Sakura said, sticking out her tone.

"Careful Sa Ku Ra, the cat may eat your tongue someday" Kakashi answered her with a deep dark tone licking his own lips, or at least that's what she believed. Again the warm feeling forming in her low stomach, now she was sure, it was not her chakra.

"Yeah... anyway..." she tried to hide her excitement and shame at once adopting a much more professional stance, "I think I should go with you." She finished crossing her arms on the table.

"And that could be because...?" Kakashi leaned back on his chair taking distance from Sakura, eyeing her suspiciously, he had seen this coming. He knew that Sakura was going to ask her to go with him.

"I think it's pretty obvious Sensei." He hated the honorifics, but he just stopped fighting it a long ago with Sakura. It was just a mannerism, a way of speaking, not particularly a sign of respect or distance. It was merely their ways, and it was ok, strange and alluring at times, but ok.

"Go on..."

"I believe that the company of a nin doctor in this weird mission of yours, trying to recover Suna from the Tsunami named Naruto, could be of much help." She finished matter of factly.

"For what? a heatstroke?" Kakashi wasn't going to fall in her charms.

"Stop mocking me, Sensei" Sakura pouted. Now she was feeling hurt.

"I'm not mocking you." He smiled. She was cute sometimes. "I'm just saying that there are no risks in my short journey to Suna. It's a safe trip. Only three days and I'll be back; besides, you forget something."

"What?" Sakura asked in confusion

"You are on vacations."

"Yes, a vacation I didn't request for." It was evident that she still felt horrible about that decision.

"And yet, here we are. Having dinner in your second night of" Kakashi said raising his cup, even if he was not going to drink it with Sakura watching straight to his face.

"I guess..." Sakura did drink her sake and started again with all the Suna issue "So, you are going alone? Who is going to be encharged during these days?"

"I asked an old friend to help me here. Luckily she said yes. Having you not accepting the recess and Naruto trying to put his last training in practice is too much of a danger to leave the village alone. And no, I'm not travelling by myself" Kakashi gave her a wink.

"Hey! I'm not that bad. I'm not going to break the rules Hokage Sama". Sakura was starting to feel offended. She was not a girl anymore. He had to stop seeing her like one "I'm not a gir..."

"A girl. You are not a girl anymore." Kakashi finished for her "I'm well aware of that". Eyes darker.

"So, Who is this friend of yours and with who are you travelling with?" Sakura asked incredulously. She didn't know Kakashi had friends except for Guy Sensei and Genma, (who were definitely not suitable for cover him in these three days) less a woman. Why was she a bit jealous, and why was Kakashi noticing it? He laughed a true-hearted laugh.

"Easy Sakura, Lady Tsunade is going to take my place these days, I think she is more than capable, don't you agree? He was genuinely asking her opinion.

"Wow!" Sakura said in surprise "She must really love you like to say yes."

"Doesn't everyone love me? He was such a Drama Queen. "And about the travelling arrangements, I'm going with Shikamaru."

"Well..." Sakura pondered "Shikamaru is really capable, and he is your advisor. I think he is the most suitable for the job." Sakura concluded.

"Yes," Kakashi stated. "though, I think he has his personal agenda on this journey."

"Oh... You mean..." Sakura didn't want to talk more words than necessary. She didn't know how much information Kakashi had about Temari and Shikamaru's relationship.

"Of course Sakura," Kakashi spoke as it was the most obvious thing in the world "The princess."

"So you know..." It was not a question.

"Sakura, I'm not the Hokage for nothing, you know?" There was fun in his voice. "I've seen how they look at each other, I've listened when they talk at the phone. I've been there when they fight together side by side at the Fourth War. It was just a matter of time." He finished almost with longing.

"Like us" Sakura whispered to herself not expecting Kakashi to listen.

"Like us, what? His eyes were gleaming. Sakura felt nervous.

"Just..." she had to think quickly. "Just like the rest of us, you noted the romance coming back then too." That was closed. Kakashi shifted his mouth uncomfortably under his mask, wrinkling his nose. He wasn't buying it.

"Yes." Disappointment in his words. "Anyway... I think a wedding is coming soon and it will become most profitable for both villages. Suna and Konoha united forever. Shikamaru and princess Temari, we couldn't ask for more." Kakashi spoked low.

A cold chill ran down Sakura's spine upon hearing Kakashi's words. It was the Hokage who spoke: cold, distant, calculating. She wasn't sure if she liked this version of Kakashi. Yes, she has witnessed terrible decisions that he had to make as the village leader, she had seen the horrors of the war and what makes people do. But why this bothered her so much? Was it because she had lost sight of the fact that he was the Hokage after all and not just his partner, friend, and secret fantasy? Was she so in love that, now, only one sentence about the convenience of marriage was enough to make all the bandages fall off?

Kakashi hadn't actually said anything about fixing a marriage, but that's what it sounded like, and inside her, it seemed painful.

"What's wrong, Sakura?" Kakashi asked full of worry. He had just realized after his lazy conversation that something had bothered Sakura.

"Is that how you see us?" Sakura began without looking at him "only as exchange goods, potential political deals or war unions thanks to a good marriage and the lineage that can come out of it?"

"I'm sorry, Sakura, but I can't see the problem there" Kakashi answered in all honesty.

"Sure..." Sakura said dryly in a mocking tone "then maybe I can go for the Kazekage. What do you think? I'm sure that is highly beneficial".

Kakashi was confused, but he was not going to recoil.

"Well, Sakura, good luck with that, cause I don't think Gaara is into girls..." He started doubting "Actually, I think he is into nothing at all, but that's your choice." Why was he getting angry? "Now, if instead, you would like to set your eyes on the brother, Kankuro, that could be something entirely different."

"You can start making the arrangements then, and as Hokage, you can walk me down the aisle." Sakura suppressed a tear.

"That would be your father´s job. I may be old, but that´s not my place" Kakashi retorted angrily, but without racing his voice.

"My parents lost faith in me long ago, I don´t think they are interested in my wedding, they think I´m already too old for that" She was sad, resigned. They have stopped talking to her when she refused to marry Sasuke, another suitable arrangement.

"What the hell are you talking about? I'm not one of those characters of that stupid book of yours, Lizzie."

Sakura looked down, suddenly she was feeling a bit ashamed. She avoided his eyes at all cost, and she was safe by the waitress announcing that the restaurant was closing. Kakashi paid the bill without saying anything, and they both started walking home, strangely taking the same path.

Sakura was the first in breaking the silence.

"You are reading the book, eh?"

"Hmmm" Kakashi hummed as the only answer.

"Already bored?" She was watching at the stars.

"Actually no" Kakashi began "Even if I don't know yet what to think about it, debating my self between if it is a good manner manual or a statement of the women position in the society, I have to recognize it's quite interesting."

"You haven't read enough yet" Sakura was acting childish. How was it possible that he still didn't realize that the book was actually an ode to true love.

"I supposed." He closed the conversation.

They continue walking a few more blocks before arriving at Sakura's door. Finally, they face each other.

"Sakura, listen" Kakashi needed to clear some things before parting to Suna "What I meant earlier" he swallowed hard "I would never jeopardize the happiness of any of you for the good of the village. You are my priority. The marriage between Shikamaru and Temari is indeed a benefit to Konoha, but that does not mean that I'm directing your lives from a desk. All of you already risk enough every day out there. I would not take love out of your hands."

Sakura nodded with her mouth dry, she needed a drink, a strong one. She finally locked eyes with him and smile much more relaxed.

"Are you going to send me a text as soon as you arrived Suna?" Sakura asked in a happy tone.

"Of course" he simply answered, hands in his pocket.

"And are you going to send my regards to the Kazekage and his brother?" Now she was teasing.

"If that's what you wish..." Kakashi left the phrase got lost in the air. The storm menacing again once more the Konoha's sky.

Sakura laughed heartedly.

"Good night Kakashi Sensei, have a good trip." Sakura said, turning her back to him.

She suddenly stood frozen with her keys trembling in her hands.

Warm breath sifted through the mask ran down her neck and the lobe of her ear. Kakashi hadn't gotten to touch a single hair of her, but all of it rose on her body. Her breath stopped for an instant that seemed like hours, his words tickling as he spoke.

"Have a good night you too, Lizzie." And just like that Kakashi disappeared.

Inner Sakura was going to be happy.

Notes:

So many things to say

1- It´s getting really really late here but I wanted to post it anyway

2- A little bit of tension is not that bad

3- Next chapter we may know, or not, what Naruto has done at Suna. Also, I´m pretty sure that the virtual chat is coming back.

4-Kakashi is making his homework after all.

5- I like the idea that Gaara may be a bit of asexual, though the story shows us different.

6- You Know what to do.

7- If there is anything else you would like to know, please write to me

8- Can somebody be so lovely and helpful and explain me how to link the chapters for making it easy to read? I'm almost as stupid as Kakashi with tech