#i've been very close lately

[bandofchimeras]

cluster b (BPD) & unmasking autism diaryposting <3

some good progress in therapy today! religiously induced OCD is loosening its grip & helping w PD stuff.

i've tried EMDR before and it made things a lot worse (wasn't ready for it) but ART is having surprising results! i have a lot of control issues & demand avoidance, and can get frustrated with therapy bc its easy for me to perform vulnerability, or dismiss the therapist for not knowing enough. or do a whole bit (didn't realize i was doing it for a long time) of finding some problem for the therapist to help me "solve" so they feel like we made progress and i feel like i did a Good Job At Therapy. this is actually a huge avoidance tactic & masking technique that i'm noticing with, well, almost everyone. I'll switch automatically to the most capable alter, based on what the other person will find acceptable, bring up a topic I know they'll like, do the social engagement dance for an acceptable amount of time, then "well, i gotta go!" and genuinely...I thought that was how you have to interact with everyone, or else just vent & mentally dump to get them to Go Away. its exhausting. but socially, all I have known how to do in response to intense existential anxiety. the problem is that in our system, my "real" self is still undefined, insecure, and guarded heavily by a bunch of anxieties/worry spirals we'll call the Watchdogs. so if you get one layer deep, under the intentional people pleasing masks, they'll activate. this ends up making me feel like my "real self" is these anxieties and unlovable inherently. when its actually just trapped. we are working towards contacting that vulnerable 'true self' by using ART technique to dodge or engage the Watchdogs. posting this because it is possible to unlearn & work through the root of personality disorders & understanding the traumagenic nature of them is just a first step. I am delighted to actually make genuine progress, and feel what that feels like in my body! liberation a bit at a time. therapy is cool as hell.

[elvisqueso]

Pocahontas (1995): 3 times Pocahontas is compared to her mother + 1 time she's recognized on her own merits.

rambling lil meta under the cut

see, what's crazy about this whole situation is that it makes me wonder what exactly pocahontas's mom was like to have left such a massive impression on literally everyone in their community? there's that outright statement that "yeah, your mom's spirit is in the wind, basically, and our people venerate her as a spiritual guide (at the very least)." we know that she's the main connection between pocahontas and grandmother willow, and there's an implication in there that whatever leadership role she held in the village is expected to fall on pocahontas's shoulders someday.

i am so convinced that this role is some kind of spiritual leader/shaman position. wise-woman, priestess, whatever it's called. we don't see anyone else besides kekata performing any kind of spiritual rites, and even he isn't seen acting in direct contact with spiritual entities. kekata has to perform chants, provide offerings, and use a medium. pocahontas can just fuckign. talk to the things. how is she doing that? why isn't anyone else really able to do that? john smith could talk with grandmother willow but would he be able to if pocahontas wasn't there (i actually think he could but that's a different post)? has she ever done that for literally anybody else? nakoma never mentions grandmother willow. nobody mentions grandmother willow. apparently, the only two people who knew about her before pocahontas brought her new bf over was pocahontas and her mom.

i'm losing track of myself here, but the point is pocahontas is Highly aware of the ghost she's expected to live up to. and it sucks. and there's a lot more to her character arc about this but the eventual come-around to accepting that she has a responsibility to be more than herself and more than her mother's ghost is so heartbreaking because it also meant she had to let go of her soulmate at the same time so i c ry

[canisalbus]

I love the shape language for Machete and Vasco, how angular and pointy the former is VS how round and soft the other... It's so GOOD I adore that

Thank you! I like the contrast as well, it makes them very fun to draw together. I try to keep them visually distinct while still making sure that they look harmonious and complementary next to each other.

[mel-loly]

-Happy Birthday, Nys!!🧡✨

@nysnextd00r

[marshmallowgoop]

ShinRan Week 2023: Day 5 | "I wish I could tell you that I love you"

I wish that I could tell you I wish that I could run into your arms

[Song link] [YouTube link]

[almondcroissantsandink]

you and me and the devil makes three

[bunnihearted]

i thinkk that a huge part of why im so deeply unhappy is bc im a girl who is supposed to and needs to have a girl bestie - my other half. ever since i was a kid i've always had a girl friend who was my other half and who i talked to and hung out with every single day. now when i dont have that, and when it's also been 6 years since my last friendship like that, i feel profoundly lost and alone. i need another woman close to me who i love and can anchor myself in. who is my compass, my stars, my solid ground. lacking the love, support, comfort, loyalty and security of a strong and forceful love and friendship with another woman, i feel incomplete and lonely and unhappy. like something fundamentally important to the essence of my being is missing. and it completely messes with me on every level of my life.

[lock-my-feelings-in-a-jar]

Please BE EXCITED about stuff you like/ want to be excited about 💞 That's what life supposed to be about, finding joy in the smallest things, in the things we enjoy and love. And the people that judge us for having that joy in our hearts lose their own life, because they spend too much time judging someone else's life instead of doing something with their own. FUCK them

this is one of my favorite asks and i love you

[starrspice]

I get 90% of my AU ideas from early stage dreams or thoughts i have moments before drifting off to sleep

And I only tell you guys about the ones I think are really good

[sysig]

Just thinking about @10yrsy’s Things, y’know, casually (Patreon)

[raiiny-bay]

You're the reason I can't leave here yet The reason I don't want the world to end

[nerime]

I had breakfast at a "vintage cafe" and this is what I was served on

fellas ...... we old

[goatsandgangsters]

work people are generally good about my pronouns, like any misgendering is usually infrequent and from people I don't work with often

but in the past one single week alone, THREE people I've worked with closely for yeaaars have all misgendered me and I'm like wtf

two of those people I specifically work with on lgbtq stuff which like. wtf

[anime-scarves]

It’s time to learn how to bake bread. I’ve wanted to for awhile and I definitely missed the memo during lockdown lol. But now is a good a time as any. 

[synthetic-ultramarine]

Agate No.1, Acrylic and copper foil on canvas, 2024

[lurkiestvoid]

I couldn't sleep but I have Shit To Do Today that I can't risk missing so I am mainlining caffeine. it's 10:30am and my chest is full of hummingbirds. This is maybe fine