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the-brohood-of-hotties · 4 years

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Miraggio, Chapter 2: (Un)dead Part 1

Notes: Chapter from the manga: 76-77, just in case you wanna revisit :)

I ended up dividing this 3k word chapter into two parts so the story flows better. Also, maybe this part is a little bit confusing because it's staged in a illusion, so I've ended up by mixing some dialogue and narrator parts so it's not clear what is happening inside Celeste's head.

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Candles lightened around the place, a crowd dressed in black silently watching the ritual for the one they had lost. She looked down, weirdly enough her body felt smaller, though she knew it wasn’t. She felt the presence of all the people reunited in that white church, but she just knew none of them were there.

“I am the resurrection…”

It was a bit like an overly edited movie, parts of scenarios that she has seen before being embroidered together with faces, crying whispers, and Bible citations mixed with the smell of incense and something old.

“And has sent us to heal the brokenhearted…”

The priest’s voice was quite muffled like he was inside an aquarium. Well, Celeste never really gave much attention to these traditions.

Resurrection, how ironic .

-” Stay quiet during the mass, Cel, think of your poor father.”- She heard her mother’s silent voice, and felt a hand gently touch her shoulder. But looking up, as her body was smaller and vulnerable now, all she could see was a figure with no face.

As soon as the figure appeared, the crowd vanished into the church’s corridor like it was made of dust, leaving behind just a piano, and a tall grey-haired man. She never has seen an illusion do that, her body started to shake with the thought that maybe Mukuro wanted to play with new thematics just to make fun of her attempt to escape. For a while, a harmonic melody was played by the man who hummed along with the song, she could not see his face, he wore a school uniform. Now it was her turn to touch the stranger’s shoulder, she felt curious to know what Mukuro was preparing for her psychological horror journey.

-” You need to wake up…”- The man said, or did Celeste simply thought out loud? Strangely enough, he had a face. Green monolid eyes, and a serious expression forming on his lips.

His words made sense to her, well, yes, she needed to go back home, to her sister, her mother, and The Rosiello Family. Though her plan would only be possible under the wing of a prestigious family like the Vongola, that if Mukuro hadn't... Killed them already.

Celeste’s knees went to the wooden floor, shaking, her hands protecting her eyes as the illusion of the church was partially gone and somewhere else started to form around her. But she didn’t bother to look at it.

Is it really worth it to come back? And if Mukuro already won? Even if I wake up, maybe my only destiny will be becoming a toy, so he can hurt more people.

She squealed and cried under the thought of him using her to finish hurting her family, wasn’t everyone thinking she was either dead or disappeared enough? Everything Celeste wanted now was for Mukuro to finish with this already, it was so tiring, she hugged her knees feeling overwhelmed.

Maybe if I just lay here and wait for it to end…

She heard birds chirping, it was pleasantly warm, the smell of coffee mixed with cake. Celeste could recognize this everywhere: The expanse garden where she would meet with her mother or just to breathe a little and secretly have cake after training. She couldn't listen much of the conversation, though.

The scene kept playing in front of Celeste, it was weird to see herself from a year or so before, she missed these little moments by her mom’s side. Her younger self sighed deeply and crossed her arms pouting. Present-time Celeste gently put her hand in the tree’s trunk next to her, smiling sadly. After this short meeting with her Mom, she would go talk to her father about going to Japan. She deeply wished this never happened, the accident with Ferdinando.

While the scenario around her was still green and full of life, her memories would keep bringing her back to the day that she died. Ferdinando was her company, driving her from home to a small town. By the end of the day when they were going back home the cousin started to play his cards, he wanted to please his future boss, probably his brother Fredo. Until he lost control of the car, which ran crazily in an empty street until it hit a wall.

They both died from the impact, Mukuro told her, dressed in white as they were surrounded by a field full of flowers. But she was...A special one.

If she accepted Mukuro’s terms, she would be able to get out alive, and once she disappeared for a couple of months, she would be powerful enough to confront the family. He promised, holding her hands with a gentle smile.

Mukuro just forgot to say that “confront” meant getting rid of.

That damn bitch. I should have known.

It was too much of an easy way out, though. But if the terms were never accepted, she would be dead that very day. Afterward, the only thing Celeste can remember is to wake up in a hospital bed, having her wounds healed while meeting Mukuro in flesh for the first time. He had such a threatening aura, even when being gentle and offering her a place in the gang, Kokuyo. She would have to travel to Japan with them.

At first, the idea seemed off, a bunch of weirdos and psychos in costumes traveling to meet the new Vongola Boss.

-“Your family is too weak, and…”- Mukuro proudly grabbed her hand, showing for the first time the new power she had, the Snow Flames flickering in her fingers. - “ Celeste, do you want to come back now? I will help you to develop this special Flame but you must work for me...And we are going to kill the 10th Vongola Boss.”

Killing the boss of the most powerful family she ever heard of? For a long time, they were heroes and allies, until her Grandfather became Boss. Nonetheless, she agreed to work with them. Not being the most honored choice, but still, it seemed like agreeing was her only choice at the moment.

As they trained shortly before starting the mission, she found herself to be a useful tool for discovering information and sneaking into places. How would they get fake IDs, passports, and such for traveling? The stolen information, false documents, and a bit of illusion made the trick.

Though, her choice and loyalty deliberately got tested. Knowing a bit about the extensive organization of the Vongolas, Celeste thought that, well, if by chance she made contact with them maybe it would be a chance to be under their wing.

Gunshots.

Heard from somewhere, but at the same time, it felt like they were fired right in that hospital room, while she was talking to Mukuro and he kindly held her. A high pitched noise resonated in her ears, hands cupping them to muffle the sound and her brown eyes shut tight. Weirdly enough, it wasn’t that dark even with her eyes closed. A beaming light, but from where?

Suddenly, her wrist and face started to hurt again, it became harder to breathe as if she was underwater this entire time. Unfamiliar voices started to whisper in distress substituting that irritating noise from the shot. Looking around, vision still a bit blurry, she could see a skinny brown-haired boy and a child in a black tuxedo and hat.

#KHR Fandom #KHR Fanfic #OC insert #oc fanfiction #khr gokudera #gokudera hayato #gokudera x oc

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nutty1005 · 5 years

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Wei Wuxian – An analysis on Xiao Zhan's acting Part 3

Part 1.1 – Wei Wuxian

Part 1.2 – Wei Wuxian

Part 1.3 – Wei Wuxian

Part 2.1 – Yan Bingyun

Part 3.1 – Period Dramas

Part 3.2 – Period Dramas

Original Article: https://www.weibo.com/ttarticle/p/show?id=2309404473348091412589 Original Author: 诗债累累

From Conscious to Subconscious, the Art Behind Crafting a Role

Let us quickly review the previous two articles:

1.1 Grasping the character’s base psychology by understanding the character’s childhood and teenage years.

1.2 Crafting the character’s theatrical actions during the Yiling Patriarch stage, using incite and conflict.

In this article, we will talk about the creation of Wei Wuxian, from the conscious to subconscious.

In Xiao Zhan’s portrayal of Wei Wuxian, his realism blurred the line between role and actor, and caused viewers to believe that he and the character were the same person. In his interviews and events during the publicity period for “The Untamed” in China, audiences were usually struck with the sudden realization that his personality is quite unlike that of Wei Wuxian. This was further amplified when “Jade Dynasty” was released – “Was the actor for Wei Wuxian the same actor who did Zhang Xiaofan?”

Following the timeline of this article, we should be currently at the point of “the invincible Yiling Patriarch” until his eventual death in the Never Night City. Using dramatic action, the incident and conflict came from the changes from war to postwar, i.e. winning was paramount before Sunshot Campaign; distribution of the spoils of war and political maneuvering became the main activity post war.

The changes in situation also created an opposition for Wei Wuxian.

(1) The fear of an uncontrolled power

This could be attributed to the natural instinct of the survival of the fittest. Even if the tiger would not attack you, you would feel threatened by his existence nonetheless, because he could if he wanted. The existence of Wei Wuxian became a threat.

(2) Orthodoxy (path of the sword) and unorthodoxy (path of the spells)

This basically stood for the difference in values, and in this, Wei Wuxian was a heathen. Values were something that meant nothing during times of crisis and war. For example, Lan Xichen said, “He had read all the books in the world to no avail”, or Lan Qiren said, “No eggs are spared in an upturned nest”. However, this would definitely become a problem in peace times.

(3) Wei Wuxian’s pragmatic altruism

This character cannot be bribed or restrained by worldly rules. He would not haggle, nor would he abide by norms. He was not self serving, he did not have any specific desires, maybe with the exception of protecting the Jiang Family.

(4) Breakdown of clan structure, because his existence could not be surpassed

In the Bloodbath of Lotus Pier, a new clan leader rose and joined the ranks of established clan leaders. However, Wei Wuxian became some sort of a special force on his own, an ace, one who could defeat tens of thousands on his own.

(5) The horror of demonic cultivation

This was overlooked in the Sunshot Campaign, but when peace times arrived, for one’s psychological comfort, they would judge those who were demonic-cultivated using their ethical and moral values.

This was the environment in which the character faced, and this environment has a very strong sense of realism. This is a classical trope, for example, under the benevolent ruler, a very strong general might be asked to relinquish his military powers and retire, but under a not-so-benevolent ruler, this general might be killed after completing his conquests.

This realism also stimulated the actor and the audiences. Audiences would have been drawn in and mesmerized by the sense of impeding tragedy and doom.

For the actor, with feedback with partnering actors, the above 5 points of opposition were able to arouse creative intuition. As briefly stated in my previous articles, Xiao Zhan’s handling of direct emotional scenes, i.e. scenes that required a direct reaction without much thought, was still quite halting, as though he would be thinking about his reactions, but for the scenes which required complex emotional outburst, he handled very cleanly.

Xiao Zhan’s understanding of his character during this period could be summarized in the following phrase: “What’s black or white, what’s good or evil?” Note that this refers to this period – this is not a conclusion of the character, just a status of the character. The gist of it was that it was impossible to determine what is right or wrong during such trying times, and hence whatever he did or whichever path he took, would have to answer to himself according to his values and morality. In terms of status, it meant that he would be swinging between black and white, good and evil, and he would only be faithful to his heart based on the current situation.

Xiao Zhan captured this status perfectly and showcased his intelligence as an actor. He did not simply portray this as an antihero, but instead, added layers of tragedy, self-conflict, and selflessness to his character.

During this period, most of Wei Wuxian’s actions should have been thoughtless. Most of his reflections would be related to whether he could have walked a different path from demonic cultivation (he could not), and whether his actions would really bring forth a better world after killing so many people.

This resulted in Wei Wuxian not providing any explanations for this actions, but instead, creating a system of philosophy for himself such that he was able to face his own values and morality. Once this system is not unified, it would break apart, and once it broke apart, it became highly sensitive to him. Xiao Zhan added this layer of fragility and high sensitivity, when Wei Wuxian met Nie Huaisang after his return – he dodged his arm, shrunk away from his touch and went into high alert, which reminded his viewers of his days in the Burial Grounds.

When Lan Wangji told him about how demonic cultivation would harm his spirit and possibly become uncontrollable, his reaction was to rebut, “How would you know the kind of person I am?” and thereafter, comforted by assuring that he would not have any problems.

When Jin Zixun refused to tell him where the remnants of the Wen Family were, he became conceited, his lips curling in a grin, his hands twirling Chen Qing. He almost drew Chen Qing like a weapon, as though he was telling everyone that he was a bomb ready to be set off. And he gave these famous words: “Who dares to stop me? Who can stop me?”

In the Ambush at Qiongqi Path, he was confident at the beginning that he would survive even though there might be traps. However, when Jin Zixuan died, he broke down. His performance showed two points – this was his brother-in-law, and this was his retribution.

At the Battle of Never Night City, Xiao Zhan’s emotions reached his peak, showing extreme arrogance and condescension, and he viewed his existence as an outlook of life and values. He had lost all sense of logic and rational thinking.

When facing Jiang Yanli, his performance became childlike, akin to a child who has made a terrible mistake.

When he jumped off the cliff, he had understood that this was truly his retribution, and his performance showed relief, liberation and atonement. Life was but a tragedy, and only death could put an end to all of this.

The emotions, action and psychological characteristics in all these scenes are connected and highly coherent, and encompasses the phrase: “What’s black or white, what’s good or evil?”. This was a conscious effort leading to the subconscious creation of the character.

Subconscious character creation requires the actor to be able to control and summon his inspiration, and you would need a lot of hard work on the conscious creation in order to do this.

When actors create their characters, knowing how to do so is easier than the action creation – the actor will need to temper his will, and get close to his character, and draw inspiration from the actor’s personal experiences. In order to experience the character, the actor will need to firm up his external actions to allow his audiences to have a fixed impression on the character, and then display the internal fluctuations appropriately. This would enrich the performance and create a drama that would be worth watching again and again.

With a complex character such as Wei Wuxian, Xiao Zhan has stepped into the school of acting through his painstaking hard work.

Author’s Note

With this, I end my analysis of the character, Wei Wuxian, because the scenes thereafter would be his reconciliation with himself, and would create repetitive analysis.

I would slowly edit and supplement this article, but there would be limits to this. This article was meant to create some food for thought, and I welcome friends to add pictures or videos to support this series of articles.

Upcoming would be an article on Yan Bingyun.

#xiao zhan #sean xiao #xiaozhan #肖战

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davidmann95 · 6 years

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You once said you needed some time to rethink your assumptions on the Incredible Hulk, what are your thoughts on him now?

I was once hardline “Hulk is the worst in us given flesh and force, the ultimate superhero tragedy, Banner did a selfless thing and a lifetime of being denied basic self-control or societal acceptance is the utterly unmerited price”. I remember having a talk with a friend though about it, and while I don’t remember her exact argument (I think it was roughly that, if you see Hulk in that regard as somewhat akin to mental illness, given I was framing him as the psychological equivalent of body horror, that’s a pretty uncomfortable portrayal), it was enough to leave me thinking that wasn’t necessarily quite it. It might still be my angle were I to handle him, but framed that way it could easily go wrong and it’s not the entire enchilada. Especially given that doesn’t encompass the multiplicity of takes surrounding him.

Hulk’s as iconic as superheroes short of Spider-Man get, the monster prowling the perimeter of the genre. He’s been a callous brute, a sympathetic man-child seeking companionship and isolation in equal measure, a living storm of hate, curdled vindictiveness, a ‘noble savage’ of sorts, a freak of pure id in Ultimates, a high-spirited simple-minded hero, a mindless bomb with bulk, a reluctant bulwark against threats worse than himself, and now Al Ewing’s cruelly, gleefully vengeful King Of Hell. Depending on when you run into him there might be no monster clown who is as lovable as ever-lovin’ Hulk, or he might be “that brutal, bestial mockery of a human - that creature which fears nothing - which despises reason and worships power!”, and it’s not simply a narrative contrivance; Banner was willing to concede in-universe his ever-changing nature long before Grant Morrison stepped up with much the same thesis for Batman. Hulk is no fixed point in terms of what inside of Bruce, inside of all of us, he brings to life.

What matters is not what exactly he shows in a given incarnation, I think, so much as what he reflects: as Ewing again said in his first issue, “There are two people in every mirror. There’s the one you can see. And there’s the other one. The one you don’t want to.” If we can, even putting aside my own preoccupation with him, use Superman as a baseline, he is built to show in us the parts of ourselves we would like to flourish and be seen. Hulk is the other one in the mirror, the one Banner can never rid himself of and some days may not even truly want to. What that shadowed, primal thing in chains tucked away where we think it can never get out *is* differs from person to person, and can even differ in the same person at different times - it could be nobler than we give it credit for, and it can be so much worse than we might dare let ourselves remember from our wildest nightmares. But push it down, ignore it, let yourself forget it…sooner or later you’ll be frustrated, tired, desperate, angry. And when you lose yourself for a moment and those rusted chains strain and slip inside, and whoever is there to bear witness catches that mad gleam reaching your eyes?

The one on the other side is what’s looking back at them. All anyone can do is pray whatever’s about to come loose is something you tried to hold back because you were scared it was you that couldn’t handle it, and not the world.

#Hulk #Opinion

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thedinkyandstinkyfritzworkshop · 6 years

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Covet of the Blind Eye - Legendary Rank Member

Name: Barnabas Paternoster (suspected to be an alias due to no records of any individual called “Barnabas Paternoster” matching his description). Expressively responds to “Sir” and no other honorific.

Description: Speaks with a German accent - seems to comprehend all languages. Average height, male, muscular build (only suspected from the shape of his body against his clothes - there are no reports of him revealing any portion of his body). He commonly wears a grey torn poncho with unwatchable (we have tried desperately - it smells so bad) blood stains from various creatures; leather gloves and buckled boots; an Andrewsarchus hide tunic (he proclaims to have a tunic for each day of the week - made of different specimens from the Andrewsachus species); leather pants; and a leather hat similar to the fashion of fantasy witch or vampire hunters. The only portion of his face that can be witnessed is a set of two glowing eyes. Despite scientific and supernatural uses of light nothing can pierce the darkness shrouding his face. His crude and inhumane treatment of others has lead fellow members of Legendary Ranks to increase Sr. Paternoster’s quota as much as possible (he somehow completes anything in minutes without anyone seeing).

Origin : Unknown. Furthest delve into his history that could be gathered was just minutes prior to his joining Covet of the Blind Eye. Not even divine beings seem to recognize Sr. Paternoster beyond that point of history. However, any mutual investigation with Eldritch entities results with “It has always been - always is it. Now it slithers in a new skin but the same mind, as we tend to do.” Attempting to use Hoshiko’s potent supernatural abilities to uncover Sr. Paternoster’s true origins seems to results in Hoshiko going into a week - 3 month coma from severe psychological trauma. The only information that she could provide was “It will swallow everything and spit it back up.”

Responsibilities: Lead Researcher of Eldritch Entities and Overseer of Field Protocols. Publisher of the following: When to Mind Your Own Damn Business, 300 Ways to Piss Off Divines, Stop Fucking Weird Shit, & Blast Them Bastards Down.

Supernatural Qualities: Can manipulate time to his own perspective. Immune to all psychological effects (even that of Eldritch Entities). His range of telepathy is unknown, but the furthest it has recorded of him using the ability is 500ft. Can summon tentacles reaching 15ft with no effort. Despite having several deities of death sent to eliminate Sr. Paternoster, he has managed to survive unscathed.

Additional Notes:

No longer permitted to commit an act called “A Quickie for the Thinkie” - not even if partner is consenting (all outcomes have spawned a viral species of Eldritch called Ja’Kzon from the remains of the partner).

All interactions between Sr. Paternoster and Eldritch Entities must be supervised by members no rank less than Epic for research and security purposes.

Forbidden from consuming or injecting any dosage of caffeine, alcohol, or prescription and illegal drugs without proper containment procedures for research purposes.

Has been known to somehow influence suicide and on rare occasions prevent it despite not having any interactions with the victim during self harming stages.

Whenever a creature has specifically addressed him as “Jophsein” the creature would die within the day due to uncertain circumstances. Researchers have addressed him as various other names, but “Jophsien” was the only one to produce an effect. This had lead to suspicion of Barnabas Paternoster being a spawn of Jophsein.

The “One Does Not Simply Meme” does not imply a challenge.

Only permitted to bring prepackage ice to potlucks or banquets (the last incidents of laxative/drugged beverages/foods, drug laced utensils/plates/cups, and disturbing taste in music are reason for no person accepting such items from Sr. Paternoster).

All novels and films produced by Sr. Paternoster must go through intense censorship and editing prior to publication. Displaying uncensored works by Sr. Paternoster are forbidden due to their dangerous effects on mass media (results have shown what researchers call “A Total Usurpation of the Id”). Only individuals with immunity to psychological effects are permitted to view and edit media produced by Sr. Paternoster.

Does not need a flashlight. DO NOT GIVE HIM A FLASHLIGHT (if you are at gunpoint to give him a flashlight simply accept death).

When within 15ft his presence works as a perfect power source for electronic devices.

Sometimes appears to be missing limbs. Studies have shown that similar to his ability to summon tentacles his physical form is able to mold to convenience and not restrained to a certain anatomy.

No longer allowed to replace childhood memories with famous horror scenes from the victim’s or killer’s perspective. Also not permitted to replace any memory with a scene from any pornographic film from any creature’s perspective (don’t ask - we unfortunately have to clear his search history every minute, you don’t want to know).

Despite crude and carnal behaviors Sr. Paternoster is surprisingly abstinent. Reasons for this are unknown but questioning Sr. Paternoster resulted in, “Why would I continue to impregnate something I wish could of aborted?”

#rpg #fritzworkshop #fantasy #scifi #wip #character #npc #barnabas paternoster #covet of the blind eye #eldritch #art #drawing #funny #creepy

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tillerman1 · 3 years

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TORMENT (pt.1) [to the page]

BAITING

Torment: A knife on a boil

The summer after my graduation, I was sick and suddenly TORMENT appeared. It was made in one stretch in an old "Latin writing exercises" which had begun at one end, the whole course of events just came, it was like a compulsion. When I finished writing, I read through everything, felt relieved and buried this first, only and as I hoped last writing in the spacious darkness of an old drawer.

How then TORMENT re-emerged from oblivion, was produced, reviewed, made into a screenplay and finally into a film is admittedly a remarkable but completely different story.

For this film, I had three hopes and I'm glad to talk about them.

1.) I wish that TORMENT became a knife on a boil, that it had something liberating to bring while I hope that the spectator would find it worth the entrance ticket.

2.) I wish CALIGULA could be exposed, cleansed, rendered harmless. Namely, there are many varieties of Caligulas, larger and smaller, rather harmless varieties or disgusting monsters, obvious or insidious. But in one thing, Caligula is always recognizable. He creates hatred, strife, destruction among people. He is a stranger to all community, lacks contact opportunities and natural compassion.

3.) I wish you could feel sorry for Caligula, as he is not the perpetrator of his situation. He is like the poisonous snake, the bacterium, a combated pest who by no means understands the evil he will accomplish, but who is always alone, always unhappily chased by raging furies, his own fear and drive to evil. If you look up the word Caligula in a conversation dictionary, it says the following:

CALIGULA: (LATIN = "LITTLE BOOT") B. 12. D. 41 ROMAN EMPEROR, SON OF GERMANICUS. C's BLOODLUST AND ABNORMAL INCLINATIONS SOON MADE HIM SO HATED THAT HE WAS MURDERED.

TORMENT

Film script by Ingmar Bergman.

This film is dedicated to Caligula and all his peers in both dead and living languages, Christianity, geography and history…

QUIDQUID ID IS TIMEO DANAOS ET DONA FERENTES. [Whatever it is, I fear the Greeks bearing gifts.]

(Caligula's first words to his class, significant to his character.)

Caligula is a man of just over fifty years. His appearance is by no means spectacular. He is dark, a little white-haired. The face is mainly occupied by a pair of rather strong glasses with large black frames. When he takes off his glasses, his face suddenly changes and becomes a little insignificant, almost frightened.

It is the case with Caligula, that he has a facade towards the outside world, a facade that he makes every effort to maintain. "Cat history" is significant for his human type. "If I do not bite, you bite and therefore I bite first." This has created an attitude of anger that has developed a strong aptitude: the stiletto-sharp sadism, the desire to see people tormented, to feel the power over them. Within this sadism, of course, is a white spot: "I'm not a criminal, I can not make a craziness for that." He himself is not fully conscious, he is one of those many people, who live half their lives, in a kind of semi-consciousness, where the external events only reach the soul indirectly and thereby loses its original hurtful and consuming effect but also the positive edifying and healing one.

The reason for this violent meadow attitude is based on a given feeling of helplessness which in Caligula has reached a strong (let alone pathological) development. Admittedly, it is dangerous to scold everything pathologically. Things that are based on undisciplined operational satisfaction of one kind or another do not have to be, but Caligula's steps show attachment, his intentional perverted desire to acknowledge his fear and expose himself, his disgrace to fellow human suffering is probably pathological. And if you try to see ahead, what will happen to him, he will definitely end up in a mental hospital or he will be admitted to an alcoholic institution. That he would take his own life is unlikely. People like him do not (they are too suspicious of the possibilities in the next life).

His relationship with the girl Bertha is by no means a Mr Hyde madness, but is precisely because of its simple, almost everyday facility so insanely eerie. From the beginning, the girl is afraid of him, mostly because her limited understanding and intuition cannot comprehend him. This intimidation gives him an advantage which he uses according to the thesis "if you do not eat me, I will eat you."

The "murder", which is not really a murder in the ordinary sense, comes to him as a deep, unusually direct shock, which also re-furnishes terribly in his bedroom of perversity. The relationship with the boy is similar. Sandman, for example, he would never dare. But he chooses this righteous, sensitive boy with instinctive certainty for his victim. It is precisely the category of boys in the class that he plays on and which suggests the horror in the whole class. The insane paralyzing fear that can only (according to my experience) break out in a school class under the guidance of an experienced schoolboy.

Finally, I would like to make a personal confession regarding Caligula and people like him.

I think they arose from a mistake of nature. Their sole task is to suffer themselves and to inflict other sufferings. There perhaps is some meaning with that.

But as human beings, they are unsuccessful, without development opportunities, without happiness opportunities, without real life. The most radical thing would of course be to kill them. Perhaps also the most merciful. "Feeling sorry" is impossible when it comes to Caligula. What you feel is reluctance, disgust, a shiver of discomfort, which introduces the small insects that wedge back and forth and disappear into earth holes under a newly rolled stone.

Jan-Erik Widgren is a boy of eighteen years. He is not unusual in any way. He is a high school student simply with all that entails.

Psychologically, Jan-Erik undergoes a development during the film. When it starts he is a bit swarming, writes poetry, plays the piano, thinks of a pure woman who will be his wife and in between he has a good time keeping track of the "lusts" that force him to do things that he views with antipathy and some resignation.

Through the course of events, he changes.

First, he is confronted with a woman, who provides him with a break in his nicely set principles. He is not in love with her, but at least goes to bed with her and gets up (to his surprise) without too much remorse. Like all high school students with a bit of Sturm- und Drang attraction, he is quite isolated, alone. He finds in Bertha someone who cares about him and needs him in such a way that it does not have to interfere with his own ordinary and very fragile puberty deals with himself. Therefore, he accepts her and becomes attached to her with a tenderness that she responds to, and which gives him a calmed body and thereby a certain freedom in the soul.

But little by little, this good relationship breaks down quite quickly. It is Caligula who breaks it unconsciously, piece by piece. When Bertha lies there snotty, drunk and howling, stands he with even company for her. He was never in love with her, loved her not and this new stress is their relationship not mighty to bear. It's breaking.

Slowly but surely he is driven towards desperation. The first rash is when he beats Caligula, the second is when Jan-Erik in wild despair rushes away from home. It is fully erupted when he takes his home on Bertha's floor where he hides like a wounded animal.

But the knot is not so tight. He is a normal, slightly hypersensitive, law-conscious but largely balanced boy and he lets the principal help him. He returns home, not longer collegian but something bitter, something sensible, with a feeling of how lives probably are damned, indeed sometimes run "on clean sophistication," but also is a good life with obvious meaning in the most as done. The final image shows him lying on the floor, crying, it may seem depressing, but is really the opposite. It would be worse if he kept quiet and bit himself.

He treats his parents like most boys of his category: armed neutrality.

There is nothing wrong with Jan-Erik, he will be a good man.

Bertha, the poor little life! There is not really much to say about her. She is kind to nature, does not really look slutty, but has started to ride a carousel due to the force of circumstances: "You want to be part of it, you want to live". In the end, she has lost count and with her slightly indolent temperament, she has not cared so much about it.

So she has become acquainted with Caligula in the same way as with many other gentlemen, through the tobacco business and its possibilities. Caligula has looked nice and so suddenly she is stuck in a yarn, which she can not get out of. Besides, she does not understand her new lover and what he asks of her and it scares her more than anything else. The fear escalates to the immoderate, mainly suggested by herself and she willingly allows herself to be mentally abused by Caligula.

The company with Jan-Erik gives her some breathing space and shows her who she is: a kind girl, who asks for nothing more than to have someone to like, to have a living person next to her in bed, to avoid being alone.

She suppers death itself. Drinks on Caligula's initiative, allows herself tortured, suffers from malnutrition. Her will to live kind of runs away and she dies almost at her own request.

I feel very sorry for her and wish that she had married some kind man and that she had had many children and a small decent home. Maybe it was her little adventurousness, inability to take care of herself, that led her downhill. In any case, she is a victim and I am now, if possible, even more convinced that Caligula should be shot.

The huge schoolyard outside the school. It is deserted and empty. A little boy comes rushing far from behind. He runs at high speed across the yard on the diagonal.

Towards the stairs up to the main entrance. The little boy rushes up the stairs. Stumbles, gets up, rushes on. Gets with difficulty and difficulty up the door that is big, big. Throws in.

Inside the door.

The large vestibule with the doors to the prayer hall. From inside, Bull-Jesus' monotonously echoing voice is heard. The boy (12 years old) looks at the wall clock that shows 10 minutes past eight. The boy swallows a few times. His bad conscience is unequivocal. He slips quietly up the next stairs and - the next. He tries to make himself as small as possible. A teacher walks in the corridors, opens the doors to the classrooms, and peeks in, opens to storage rooms, map rooms and toilets. Snooping everywhere. Moves on.

The boy hears echoing footsteps. He slips in through a door. It is the chemistry room, with a long row of large tables. He dives behind one.

The teacher opens the door to the chemistry room, walks quickly through it. Out again. The boy, crouching, gets up, sneaks up to the door and listens. Opens and slides out.

Long corridor.

The boy is contagious. Sneaks past a cross corridor. Stays like nailed to the ground.

The teacher comes in the cross corridor. He sees the boy, stops.

The boy leaves, rushing like a shot through the corridor.

The teacher turns, slips around a corner.

The boy turns around another corner and rushes straight into the teacher's arms. The boy finds it too good to start howling. The teacher takes him by the scruff of the neck and removes the offender.

A classroom.

The boy, still held in the nape of the neck, howling, is thrown down on a bench. The teacher produces the class book. Staring gloomily at the lad. Turns up the book, writes.

The stairs and the corridor.

Pippi comes walking pretty fast. The hat on the neck. The rock flutters. The white hair tests stand out. He walks past the "boy's" classroom, but stops, turns around and peeks inside. Pippi rattles off -

PIPPI: Good morning assistant professor.

The young, gloomy and zealous teacher turns his head and looks at Pippi -

THE ADJUNCT: Good morning lecturer.

Pippi steps in, looks at the howling boy -

PIPPI: What a crime this sad young man has committed now.

THE ADJUNCT: He's late! Arrived too late for morning prayer!!

The assistant professor closes his class book and prepares to leave.

PIPPI: Well, I did too.

The assistant professor turns around in a flash as if to say something, but is speechless. The boy stops howling and looks up. An explained grin slowly erupts on his snotty little gangster physiognomy.

Bull-Jesus fishes with his tongue for the loose man, who is about to leave, bending his head deep down where he stands in the prayer hall chairs.

BULL - JESUS: Aameen!

The organ breathes, sighs. A tall boy with nervous hands and eyes in the notes intones bluntly "Alone God…"

The school's 856 students plus teacher and principal get up like a man and sing with ho and hi and a certain hug -

SCHOOL: Only God in heaven, our grace and praise belong…

Grönstrand stands dumbfounded, stares at the hymnbook, then he pushes Jan-Erik -

GREEN BEACH: Devils in it. I do not know any Latin today… You'll see if you go there. I had premonitions this morning.

JAN - ERIK: Where are they?

GREEN BEACH: In the stomach. Boy! vikken diarrhea.

SCHOOL: For all the grace he has lovingly done with us.

BROBERG (sings in falsetto): Do not you think it sounds appropriate when another sings soprano?

Östergren stands with the Latin grammar in full swing -

ÖSTERGREN: Shut up. I'm studying. Do not bother me! Volo, nolo, malo, cupio, juvo, studeo…

SCHOOL: He gave the earth - great joy and peace…

Bergman and Krefler.

BERGMAN: Tira on the little home sadist Caligula.

Caligula treads up and down. Cranks a little with his left arm as if he had rheumatism in it.

BERGMAN: He has rheumatism today.

KREFLER: Does he get cool. Jojo!

BERGMAN: Cool… He becomes sublime.

SCHOOL: And man may well rejoice at -

Sandman, bald, burning eyes, strange revelation, lying with rapture.

SANDMAN: You see, another became quite familiar when the donna said that she had fallen on a dumpling.

Göterström, small, glasses, impressed -

GÖTERSTRÖM: Oh, oh you.

SANDMAN: You know… stabbe, you have not intended to be… yet…

Sång-Pelle stands with closed eyes, hands on his stomach, happy. Singing so it thumps -

SCHOOL + SONG - PELLE: God's eternally good viiljaaaaaa…

The prayer hall.

Everyone's heads are bowed at Bull-Jesus' initiative. Dead quiet.

Two schoolboys lean together and pretend to sleep. Panorama. One stuffs the textbook into his pants. Another stops carving on the bench with his penknife. A third wakes up to where he has been standing and dropped the hymnal on the floor.

There will be a break-up signal.

Long lines of trains now, row after bench, row after bench, out of the prayer hall.

At the door are two teachers.

Each student who passes by shows their book of psalms. Then comes one - no hymnal -

TEACHER I: No hymnal.

STUDENT: Mine is stolen.

TEACHER 2: At least do not lie. Watched.

The student is joined to a small cluster of other individuals -

STUDENT 1: Will it stick?

Student 1. does not answer. Just make a very ugly and very grimace.

The train of students.

Faces in long lines. Characteristic, intense. Lots of faces. The huge stairwell. Lots of boys outside the classrooms. The bells are ringing. The stairwell quickly becomes empty. There will be teachers. They enter the classrooms, whose door closes. It's getting quieter and quieter.

Shoots and noise, whistles and screams. Neck.

It is quiet and empty everywhere.

The classroom.

It's pretty quiet. All 25 students sit still, waiting. The ceiling lights are on. The day is gray outside, the rain is pouring down along the three large windows. Panorama. Caligula in the chair.

He gets up. Goes quietly and easily. Gets the stylus. Goes through class. Speaks so slowly and low -

CALIGULA: I do not intend to put my fingers in between. Do you disregard me so - disregard - I - you. (pause) Do you want it un-nice-so so happy for me.

Up with the stylus straight into the view of the pimple and hart when horror hypnotized Grönstrand. Poke with the stick against his larynx -

CALIGULA: Maybe Mr Grönstrand would like to continue.

Green beach sighs. He bends his pimpled and constantly worried face over the text and reads with a high and low voice -

GREEN BEACH: After Fabius Maximums had thus broken up, the army marched for ten days, after which it encamped on the river Igas. The non-commissioned officers were called to the consul's tent, where he appointed them… where he appointed them… with att unless the campaign plan would and then, however, it would not be incompatible… that they… that they ida unless…

Grönstrand bends his face, his eyes are confused, scared, he has a shiny face.

Caligula stands still and then he starts pulling his fingers, one after the other, slowly -

GRÖNSTRAND: I could not get this sentence out of the lecturer.

CALIGULA: Well.

Caligula pulls at his fingers. The class is tense, quiet. The rain rushes against the windows -

CALIGULA: Then maybe Mr Grönstrand wants to start on the next sentence?

Grönstrand makes a valiant attempt to bluff. He's starting healthy -

GRÖNSTRAND: This seemed to be the legacies… and then… individually… among themselves… but this in spite of if not…

Dead quiet. Mot Caligula.

He takes his hand to his glasses, straightens them. Sits in the chair, leans forward, puts his hands under his chin -

CALIGULA: Grönstrand has not opened the books until today. (pause) (chops hard) At least not where the lesson was. (smiles)

Around Grönstrand.

Some strained giggles from the surrounding -

CALIGULA: I will give Grönstrand an opportunity for reflection. - Mr Widgren continues.

Jan-Erik jerks, starts looking among the lines, finds, starts a little choppy -

JAN - ERIK: This seemed to the legacies to be a good task.

CALIGULA (breaks off): It says so… Karling?

Karling sits just behind Jan-Erik -

MAN: Prediction.

CALIGULA: Continue.

JAN - ERIK: A good prediction. And after they had consulted among themselves, they agreed that a great gift should be given to…

Caligula breaks off. Rappt -

CALIGULA: Can Mr Jan-Erik Widgren not speak Swedish.

Jan-Erik looks up, licks his mouth, tiger -

CALIGULA: It's not called giving a gift… It's bad Swedish (fast). What's the name, Mr. Widgren?

Jan-Erik stares in front of him. Staring and thinking. The brain has locked up. Dead quiet.

Caligula gets up from the chair, with the stylus in hand, and walks quietly and slowly down the room towards Jan-Erik. He pokes with the stick on Jan-Erik's neck -

CALIGULA: It's to be thought of quickly.

Turns around in a flash -

CALIGULA: Power!

Ström, a round boy with mild, melancholy eyes, takes his finger out of his nose, terrified -

POWER: Hand over a gift!

Caligula again. He smiles a little wickedly, cheerfully -

CALIGULA: Has Mr Widgren heard that before?

Widgren. He grins silly -

WIDGREN: Yes, yes.

CALIGULA (suddenly scornful): Yes, of course yes. Continue.

WIDGREN: They appeared before Caesar and assured that they were ready.

CALIGULA: Thank you. That was where we had.

The class sighs in relief. Jan-Erik corrects himself. But the deadline will be short.

Caligula begins to go up and down between the benches quite quickly.

Questions and answers come like machine gun mats -

CALIGULA: Prepare some joy, Widgren!

Jan-Erik -

JAN - ERIK: Afficere aliquem laetitia.

CALIGULA: Give someone fear.

JAN - ERIK: In iqu aliquem timore.

Caligula. He stops -

CALIGULA: Submit.

Jan-Erik can not speak -

JAN - ERIK: In…

CALIGULA: Now!

JAN - ERIK: Inject.

Caligula swings the stylus around so it whistles in the air.

CALIGULA: Someone was whispering. Genitive in impersonal verbs. Example.

Cross. Kreutz, calm, turns his head. Easy going, straightforward.

KREUTZ: Miser, penis girl, pillow, taedet.

Caligula. Kreutz's way teases him -

CALIGULA: Skona, Karlsson.

Karlsson -

KARLSSON: Parco, pepper, parsum, parcere.

Caligula. He now lets the pointer wiggle around in a chorus -

CALIGULA: Skin, Bokstedt.

Bokstedt is taken by surprise -

BOKSTEDT: Plango, plantisi.

CALIGULA: Wrong. Bergström.

BERGSTRÖM: Plano, planxi, planctum, plangere.

Caligula walks up to Widgren, stands behind him -

CALIGULA: Caesar hostem agressus devicit. Widgren.

He puts the stick between the shoulder blades of Widgren -

WIDGREN: Caesar attacked and defeated the enemy.

Responds without turning his head. Holds the desk tightly -

CALIGULA: Example of what.

WIDGREN: Participal construction.

CALIGULA: Which of them.

WIDGREN: Participium conjunctum. It is a predicative attribute.

CALIGULA: To what.

JAN - ERIK (stonewalls).

Caligula turns around and sits down on the desk right in front of Jan-Erik -

CALIGULA: Didn't Mr Widgren read his homework?

Jan-Erik stares Caligula straight in the eye -

JAN - ERIK: Yes, I have.

CALIGULA: I think (whisper) I think Mr Widgren - lying!

JAN - ERIK: No, I do not!

CALIGULA: Not that.

Caligula.

He stares at Jan-Erik with his eyes enlarged by glasses.

Silence.

Jan-Erik.

He stares back. Excessively tense, but not really scared.

JAN - ERIK: No!

Caligula gets up. He goes one stroke upwards towards the board -

CALIGULA: Well. Yes.

Turns around. Throws out -

CALIGULA: At which verbs is the genitive?

Jan-Erik is, as it were, gripped by an icy fear. But he sticks together.

JAN - ERIK: By verbs that mean remind, remember, forget, accuse, convince, judge, acquit. In business verbs.

CALIGULA: Example.

JAN - ERIK: Aestimo.

Caligula looks at Jan-Erik. Nods interested -

CALIGULA: Well!

JAN - ERIK: Facio, duco, puto.

Caligula as above -

CALIGULA: Well!

JAN - ERIK: Camo. Mercor (tries) dono.

Everyone follows the course of events under silent tension. Caligula is slowly approaching Jan-Erik. Dead quiet.

CALIGULA: Mr Widgren still believes that Mr Widgren knows his lesson.

JAN - ERIK: I knew it then yesterday.

CALIGULA: Mr Widgren is lazy. Mr. Widgren ignores me and my homework.

JAN - ERIK: No, I do not.

Caligula has now passed Widgren. And is at the bottom of the classroom.

CALIGULA: Well! Not. Look up the book. Start with today's lesson.

Suddenly slams with the stylus into an empty desk with all its might -

CALIGULA: FAST. FAST!

Jan-Erik and Caligula in the background.

JAN - ERIK: For three days the battle raged. Finally, the Romans made a storm attack…

Caligula sneaks silently on his toes behind Jan-Erik and leans over him and squints in his book -

JAN - ERIK:… and chased Hannibal's troops on the run. A large number of soldiers were captured…

Caligula bends down at lightning speed, slams his hand over the book, picks it up. Raises it in the air. Long silence.

Jan-Erik's face.

It kind of pulls together. His eyes crawl into his skull.

Sandman. Stare, dumb.

Grönstrand narrows his eyebrows in a childishly desperate grimace.

Caligula and Jan-Erik.

Caligula speaks softly -

CALIGULA: What is this!

Caligula looks around the class in silence. So -

CALIGULA: Mr Widgren uses unauthorized aids.

JAN - ERIK (low): Forgot to erase.

Caligula raises his eyebrows, as if he were very surprised by the enlightenment. Plays a bit -

CALIGULA: Forgot to erase.

Speaking mildly -

CALIGULA: Yes. Of course. Forgot to erase.

It's done. Turns over, furious -

CALIGULA: Cheat my lord!

Throws down the book -

CALIGULA (continued): CHEAT!!

Caligula slowly ascends to the chair. Fixes the glasses, stares sadly in front of him -

CALIGULA: Sad to be forced to punish a student for this criminal act two months before the student, fourteen days before the writing.

Turns up the classbook -

CALIGULA: It's very sad. Very.

Jan-Erik.

There is hot despair in his eyes. It's quiet. The only thing that can be heard is the rasp of the pen in the class book.

Caligula.

He hits the book again. Corrects the glasses -

CALIGULA: I'll talk to the principal (pause). We probably get to do a lot with each other, Jan-Erik Widgren.

It's ringing -

CALIGULA: Good dinner.

Caligula slips out.

There is violent excitement in the class -

SANDMAN: Such a potty.

GREEN BEACH: You would snap the ace alive.

Students start packing their books. And walk to the door. They are still occupied by Caligula.

Sandman throws himself backwards -

BERGSTRÖM (throws out - his eyes glow in his skull): Sadist.

SANDMAN: It's damn good for me when you get this misery. Then you should slag. Oh what to slag and crib and live the roll and give shiny it in this facility. Come Widgren, we'll go and buy crackers.

They go out.

Widgren and Sandman.

Göterström sits and digs with his spindly hands in his hair. Speaks low to himself -

GÖTERSTRÖM: I will get a life-size picture of him and then I will stick my eyes out at him and then I will shoot at him. Latingrammatics…

He produces it -

GÖTERSTRÖM: I will have Latingrammatics as dass paper if it is suitable for it.

The tobacco business.

Jan-Erik and Sandman come in.

A newspaper-reading gentleman is standing in front of the shop -

SANDMAN: Hello my sweet Carmen.

Bertha turns around, laughs -

BERTHA: What should it be. A coal. You know I'm not allowed to sell tobacco to schoolboys.

SANDMAN: Will buy for dad.

BERTHA: What did he say!

SANDMAN: Bäh.

Sandman extends a courtesy hand and fingers on Bertha (properly treated) -

BERTHA: Wow. Do not.

Jan-Erik is noticeably embarrassed -

JAN - ERIK: Sandman. Can't we go, huh!

Bertha and Sandman laugh.

The door opens and Caligula enters.

Sandman speaks a little forced -

SANDMAN: It was an Allers yes, miss.

BERTHA: Go ahead.

SANDMAN: Thank you. Good afternoon.

Both boys greet measuredly and disappear out of the store.

Caligula looks after them.

It's quiet for a while. Caligula looks annoyed at the newspaper-reading gentleman -

CALIGULA: Havana II.

Bertha brings out the requested -

CALIGULA: And then a little box of Virginia.

Bertha brings it out. She seems nervous -

CALIGULA: Do you want to be kind and cut it up. I have such bad hands, so clumsy.

BERTHA: Yes, of course. Certainly.

She cuts. Cut a small scratch in the hand -

CALIGULA: Oh, let's see. Did nine is bad.

He takes her hand. Squeezes out little blood. Hold it, look at it. Pause. Then Bertha suddenly shakes her hand. Pale.

BERTHA: Uh, that was nothing. Nothing at all. Was it something else like the senior lecturer…

Caligula. He shakes his head, staring a little silly. Then he collects his boxes and pays. Going. Light his cigarette.

At Caligula's home.

He pushes the cigarette into the ashtray with an energetic movement. He is sitting at his desk with his back to the room. Piles of exercise books. He pretends to read. Aunt Elisabet appears behind him. She is small, thin, dull, pale face, cold eyes with a spark of passion. She stands silent for a moment. So:

Aunt ELISABET: Why do you not answer?

His face bears traces of horror-mixed anger. He's silent.

AUNT ELISABET: You should not, should not be like this to me. It's still not right of you… I just want you well… Answer then… Say something… You have been ill, you know what the doctor said! … I love you so much… It's so empty, I'm so lonely. You are also alone… Not at all homely here.

The room bears sight of the legends. Aunt Elisabet is standing in the middle of the floor.

A handkerchief creeps wildly out of the sleeve.

AUNT ELISABET: You have never had another home... We had such a good time… Then answer something. My dear boy.

Caligula flashes. Furious.

CALIGULA : GO!

Aunt Elisabet closes her eyes, clasps her hands over the handkerchief -

AUNT ELISABET: That you CAN, that you only CAN!

Caligula curls up in the chair. He is furious, scared, furious…

CALIGULA: I do not want to see you. You. Go, go, go.

Now the first tears fall along Aunt Elizabeth's pale cheeks.

AUNT ELISABET: You are evil… evil. When you were a little boy, you came and said: Dear little aunt Elizabeth.

She sinks into a chair and buries her face in her hands.

Caligula rises pitiful, angry, humiliated, angry.

CALIGULA: Please. Do not cry for God's sake.

He stands handcuffed.

CALIGULA: I WANT to be by myself. I do not want to continue that monkey game with mother and son… It's disgusting, disgusting.

Aunt Elisabet shakes her head back and forth, tears flow and she sobs -

AUNT ELISABET: You lived in your little room inside the hall and every night I had to come in with tea for you and I had to stop you before you fell asleep. I still got to be like… like your mother.

Moved to the breaking point over her own voice, she falls into tears again -

AUNT ELISABET: Why do not you want to come back. I'm so lonely… You're so lonely too…

Now everything happens very fast. Caligula takes Aunt Elizabeth in her arms, pulls her out of the chair. She screams, turns around in a flash. But he gets hold of her again. Gets the door open and tries to push her out. Aunt Elisabet suddenly becomes another. Cold, bitter -

AUNT ELISABET: Beware. Look out.

CALIGULA: Get going!

AUNT ELISABET: You'll get this back. Look out.

CALIGULA (laughing): That's good. Then you can go now.

She twists out the front door, which closes again with a bang.

Caligula stands still for a moment. Then he walks around. Gradually collapses after tension. Stops in front of the bookshelf. Takes down a photograph. It represents Aunt Elisabet somewhat youthful and a little boy in a feminine suit. She leans her head against his.

Caligula's hands break the photograph in half so that the pieces of glass swirl around. Then the broken card goes in the trash.

The dining room at Widgrens.

At the dinner table sit bureau director Widgren, Mrs. Widgren and the little boy Bror and Jan-Erik, who is gloomy, very gloomy. It is eaten in silence.

Brother puts down his spoon and licks his mouth and looks under Jan's hair.

BROTHER: Hörru Janne. Why do you look so withered?

MOTHER: Little brother, mother has not said a hundred times that you must not rock the chair.

BROTHER: Janne looks just as withered anyway.

Jan-Erik does not look up from the soup -

JAN - ERIK: You should give seventeen in that.

MOTHER (mildly reproachful): Should you say so when Brother wants to be kind.

JAN - ERIK: Little boys would hold the nap when they crib.

Silence descends again over the congregation. So the bureau director looks up from his plate, wipes his mouth and speaks -

FATHER: How has it been at school today?

Jan-Erik is not looking there -

JAN - ERIK (nonchalantly): Good, I guess.

FATHER: Is that true?

It's quiet for a moment. Jan-Erik gives his father a quick glance -

JAN - ERIK: No.

The mother immediately suspects that something terrible has happened. She sets a compassionate, slightly complaining tone -

MOTHER: Something sad has happened. Say, what's happened?

JAN - ERIK: Got a stick.

FATHER: For cheating.

JAN - ERIK: How does father know?

FATHER: Your Latin teacher called me. The remark seems to have been justified.

Jan-Erik. He lowers his head.

MOTHER: Jan-Erik, how can you make us so sad.

JAN - ERIK: It was not cheating. I could not see for myself what was written there. I wrote it there during the italics translation, then I forgot to erase it…

FATHER: It's terribly uncomfortable, now just before the student.

The father looks upset. He has a wrinkle in the middle of his forehead -

JAN - ERIK: It's not that damn dangerous. (despair in the voice).

The father is silent for a moment -

FATHER: It depends on how you take it. You seem to take it relatively lightly. But mother and I are very sad. My opinion is that you got a stain on you. A tingling. Shall we get up.

The father folds his napkin.

The family leaves the table. Jan-Erik walks to the window.

Brother enters the hall again, where a servant is just about to set the table. He approaches Jan-Erik.

Jan-Erik has a hard time keeping his lip away. But he masters himself male -

JAN - ERIK: Well, it's not criminal either.

BROTHER: And you should not get bored of what the staff talk about. You know what he's like… You… Sandman is on the phone wondering if you can go to the movies.

Jan-Erik and Sandman sit at a café. Sandman smokes greedily.

It's evening. Sandman yawns -

SANDMAN: Really sleepy man. You would have, like the guy in the film, a nice, big and wide snark - such a paulun or whatever it's called, on the other hand, a nice jack.

Sandman smacks. Jan-Erik laughs a little, shakes his head -

JAN - ERIK: You say that.

SANDMAN: Gosse! And a smorgasbord and burnt and distilled drinks a lot. And the jack and the snoring.

Jan-Erik looks at his partner with a certain admiration -

SANDMAN: You would not get up in 14 days. Just slag and crib and crib and slag and use the jack. Feathers in it.

Jan-Erik pours tea for himself. Sandman lights a new cigarette on the old one with a used hand gesture -

JAN - ERIK: You're all a seven-part materialist.

SANDMAN: Yeah.

He stretches, yawns once again loudly and voluptuously.

Around Jan-Erik. He looks a little beyond Sandman. Am really a little embarrassed -

JAN - ERIK: No, you see, I see everything in a different way. I intend to write as much as I want and play as much violin as I want - when this whole thing is over.

Jan-Erik becomes thoughtful. Drinks from his cup and turns and twists it -

JAN - ERIK: Then with ladies and stuff like that… I'm just going to have one and her I'm going to be in love with

SANDMAN (interested): So you have nothing now. But that bean Lena or whatever her name was…

JAN - ERIK: Well, I'm not in love with her at all. Should…

SANDMAN: Love! You're crazy. Ladies are used.

JAN - ERIK: Do it. Not me anyway.

Sandman blows clouds of smoke and rings. Staring at the ceiling -

SANDMAN: No, because the one you should have should be clean and untouched and stuff like that. Va!

JAN - ERIK (embarrassed, but determined): Yes.

SANDMAN: Such animals do not exist.

JAN - ERIK: You say that.

Sandman teaches. High school student cross-safe -

SANDMAN: All ladies' hours are whores. And if they are not, then they want to be. Both Nietzsche and Strindberg say so. Miss, we have to pay.

The two boys are walking down the street. Then they stop outside a gate -

SANDMAN: If you come up.

JAN - ERIK: No, go home and read Latin.

SANDMAN: Caligula is an ace.

JAN - ERIK: I do not know. I mostly think it's a weird jeep.

Sandman takes out his keys and opens them. He turns around -

SANDMAN: You know, when you turn rocks, you find nasty animals. Caligula is not a really real pig, he is a nasty, poisonous insect.

JAN - ERIK: I do not think a human being can be just evil.

Sandman lights the candle on the stairs, they have a hard time separating -

SANDMAN: You're in high school. Wait boy. Wait, you'll see how devilish it is, everything. It encounters pure sophistication. Good night brother.

Sandman extends his hand. Jan-Erik tackles it -

JAN - ERIK: You think I'm very larval.

SANDMAN: You're crazy. You're the only person you can talk to. You can not help that you stick to ideals and talk about innocent women. Hi.

JAN - ERIK: Servant.

Sandman disappears at the gate. Jan-Erik turns and drives down the street. He walks strenuously with his hands deep into his pockets. He looks very thoughtful.

Another street.

Jan-Erik goes as before. Suddenly he raises his head and fixes someone in front of him.

A girl walks in front of Jan-Erik on the street. She sways heavily here and there. Swaying more and more. Suddenly she walks with one foot in the street and the other in the sidewalk. Jan-Erik stays. He looks at her unexpectedly.

The girl now stops and leans against a house wall. She emits strange squeaking sounds. Then she kneels down.

Stands on all fours, leaning against the wall.

Jan-Erik thinks for a moment. So he approaches the girl.

Touch her -

JAN - ERIK: How is it going?

It's Bertha in the tobacco shop.

She turns her face to Jan-Erik. It's swollen and she's panting -

BERTHA: I feel so damn good, so that's not true.

Jan-Erik can not camouflage his surprise -

JAN - ERIK: Miss Olsson!

The girl laughs, but does not answer.

JAN - ERIK: Can I help you?

BERTHA: Uh, shut up.

She returns to the starting position, tries to get up, but sinks back again, unable to move.

BERTHA (angrily): Do not stand there staring. Come and harass a lady. (furiously) Give yourself away.

Jan-Erik bends down over her and takes her by the shoulder -

JAN - ERIK: You're not smart. You can not handle yourself.

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deltastorm101 · 7 years

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Meet the JSE community

I’m FINALLY joining this event @no-strings-puppet created a prompt list for! Wanted to do it for ages but completely forgot, oops… Here we goooo!

1. Name, age, country: Stef, 16 (edit: now 17 haha), Germany.

2. Appearance: I don't want to post a picture of me yet. I could draw me, but I’m not that motivated at the moment. I can describe myself. Well… I look older than I actually am, at least everyone says that and I don't get asked for my ID when I buy beer so, heh. I'm 1.70m/5'7 tall, so average I guess. I'm not the skinniest person but not overweight either. I have short hair - the best way to describe it: I have Jack’s haircut :D My natural hair colour is dark brown, almost black, but I like to try shit out: It was blue, turquoise, green, yellow, blonde and red before. Right now, the red faded to a light orange. Which I'm fine with, the crazier the better xD The next thing I'll try is purple! I usually dress black or dark in general, maybe slightly punk/goth at times... I do NOT use make-up though. Hate it. Always hated it. Will forever hate it. (Maybe one day I’ll be confident enough to post a picture…)

3. Hobbies: Games, write fics, draw (traditional), read books, scuba diving, listen to music (electro or metal), think (yes, that's a hobby for me), sleep and dream, watch movies (horror), watch youtube (Jack)

4. What’s your dream job? I'd love to be a psychologist one day, hence the 'hobby' thinking. Or a graphic designer. Or a dentist. Or a teacher. But anything psychology related would be really super cool. Make it happen, universe.

5. What kind of shit would we find in your bag? Phone, rubik’s cube, usb stick, wallet, headphones, keys. I hate bags though. Backpacks are much nicer.

6. How would you describe your personality? Hm… Calm and quiet, pretty shy and introverted at times but I can talk a lot if required. So – ambivert I guess? Will need to recharge after being around people. Bad at making the first step. Night worker. Dirty jokes - all the dirty jokes. Wants to do so much shit but ends up doing nothing. Trying to think positive, smiles and laughs a lot but once I cry I can’t ever stop again. Can get lost in dark thoughts very easily. Will scream at you in case I didn’t down enough coffee. INFJ.

7. When did you find Jack's channel? Around March/April 2017. Generation yellow floof. I’m so sad I didn’t discover him earlier! (Finding out and researching everything about Anti… it took me some months.)

8. Put in order your top 3 favourite Egos! ANTI (of course), Chase (mah duuuude), Schneep (he’s alive btw) and Marvin (yes, I know that’s 4, but Marvin is a sweetheart)

9. Favourite/ most nostalgic video/series of Jack’s to watch? Undertale (oh man, just a good time), Outlast 2 (not ‘nostalgic’ but one of my favourite series), RYC in general (we get to know Jack so much better), ANTI (not a series but YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN)

10. Would you describe yourself as an active or quiet member of the community? Pretty active. Writing theories and observations during a storm and reblogging a lot during peaceful times. And of course, the fics. Ohoo THE FICS. Writing is life. But pain. I love it. And even when I’m not posting... I’m constantly watching everything. Not an hour without tumblr goes by :D

BONUS: 11. Favourite Anti moment(s):

“IF YOU WANT HIM BACK SO BADLY, THEN WHY DON’T YOU SAVE HIM?!”

I am IN LOVE with this moment. This expression of pure rage and fury, lashing out at the audience and screaming with anger. Gives me chills every time.

OR:

“Laughter is the best medicine… for death!”

Simply because that was the beginning of something... great. He showed himself again after a long, long time... Oh, the nostalgia! (I was still new to the community at that time. I was still doing my research about Anti to properly know what I’m talking about when I’d finally start being active here... Let’s just say I was exuberant that day.)

So yeah... Hello! It’s me!

#meetjsecommunity #I'm probably the only one who didn't even draw something for 'appearance'#I'm so sorry #anyway... henlo it me #jacksepticeye #nbj #personal

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empty-movement · 7 years

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Id, Ego, and Superego; Freud and the End of Utena

by Yasha, who else? ❤️

Someone in the forum dredged this old thing up and stuck it in the Empty Movement Discord. I’d forgotten I wrote it entirely. Maybe I should put it on the site? Oh well, here it is. And message/email me if you want an invite to the Discord.

Man, I can’t believe I handed this in to my psych prof lol

Shoujo Kakumei Utena, known in North America as Revolutionary Girl Utena, is steeped in surreality. Apples are whole one moment, and then inexplicably sectioned into pieces and perfectly laid out in a circle in the next. Planets and galaxies are seen to hang directly outside of dorm windows. Cars race along the boundaries of an arena perched atop an endless staircase, and in the sky above, a fairytale castle is suspended upside down, rotating there with nothing to anchor it. Sword duels are fought in this arena, and surprisingly, a depth of human emotion and motivation is exposed through these duels-- a condensed version, perhaps, of the emotions and motivations people experience every day. In effect, the duels and events of this series investigate the workings of the human mind, much as Freud investigated them. The Freudian influence on this series is not merely confined to the blatant visual symbolism, but also invests the many characters in this complicated series. Three of them in particular stand out. The three characters, Utena Tenjou, Akio Ohtori, and Anthy Himemiya, represent various aspects of Freudian tradition and depict growth of the human mind, as illustrated by the last two episodes of Shoujo Kakumei Utena.

The hero of Shoujo Kakumei Utena is, of course, Utena Tenjou herself, a girl whose childhood experiences instilled in her the desire to become a Prince. Throughout the series, this memory is referenced often; however, Utena herself remembers very little of it, keeping the idea of strength, nobility, and her goal of Princehood foremost in her mind without understanding that the bulk of the memory is buried in her unconscious. The motivation for her Princely actions through the greater part of the series is nothing more than a strong but vague desire to live up to the standard set in her memory. The memory is eventually revealed in all of its full horror, and in the last two episodes, Utena is functioning with complete knowledge of the repressed memory. She has attained insight, in the Freudian tradition, and has reconciled the events of her past with the person she wants to be. The person she wants to be, however, has been created by outside influences, specifically Akio’s machinations. Utena’s only goal is to be a Prince, and that has been carefully reinforced by the environments she has been exposed to, the people she has interacted with, and the center of her Prince fixation, Anthy. In this way, she is a representative of the superego; she is an accretion of the ideals and moral strictures of her environment, she strives for perfection over her own pleasure, and concerns herself most with the moral aspiration of becoming the archetype that Shoujo Kakumei Utena terms as a ‘Prince’. Utena is the distillation of the superego, an aspirant to the ideal of a Prince, and all her life has led up to that goal.

The villain of Shoujo Kakumei Utena is Akio Ohtori, a smooth-talking, long-legged older man with a penchant for manipulation and a complete lack of morals. At the current point in the series, he serves as the Acting Chairman of the academy Utena attends. This character’s origins and nature are unclear, except that he is either the more matured version, or the equal opposite of the original Prince archetype, Dios. Throughout the series, Akio displays a stunning lack of regard for social mores, morals, and human kindness, preferring instead to use others for his own gain. His list of sexual conquests includes, but is not limited to, his fiancee’s mother, his own sister, and Utena herself. His cruelties include manipulating one of his students into performing a ritualistic sacrifice of a hundred of his other students, and crushing the spirits of those involved with the dueling game he runs. He has convinced them that the things they desire lie in the castle, and though they do not realize their striving only serves his ends, they fight desperately for their chance to inherit eternity, miracles, or simply power. Akio is representative of the id; he denies himself nothing, and no amount of attachment, emotional or otherwise, can stand in the way of his desires. He follows the pleasure principle, gratifying his needs as he sees fit. One could also make a strong argument for his use of the primary process, forming images of the objects of his own and others’ desires through use of his illusions. Despite his lack of morals, he does indulge in rationalization, denying the existence of the Prince figure and implying that to be an adult, one must recognize the value of his machinations. Akio’s villainy sets him up as the perfect foil to Utena’s heroism; in essence, the id and superego in conflict.

Akio and Utena do not only represent the id and superego. They are also representative of Eros and Thanatos, the life and death drives. The drive toward life, Eros, is metaphorically represented by Akio. The swords of humanity’s hatred are meant to destroy the Prince; Akio, the only one with even a small claim to being a Prince, is their focus. He escapes this fate by allowing Anthy to shield him from the swords, and not only that, but makes a pretense of trying to rescue her from her suffering, but never actually moves toward it. He preserves his own skin first and foremost. He is also very much involved in pleasure-seeking, and gratification of his libido. Utena, on the other hand, represents Thanatos, the drive toward death. Within the strictures of the show, the Prince archetype is one that is destined for death; the Prince spends his life rescuing others, and wears himself down doing it, but his own life is less important to him than that of others. Utena comes to represent this drive because of her aspiration to be a Prince; her efforts will lead her to destruction, but she does not attach any importance to her own survival. Curiously enough, the duels Utena fights are challenges on the way to her achievement of the Prince archetype, and in the Freudian tradition represent the aggressive urges that spring from the thwarted death drive. Utena wishes to be a Prince-- to achieve death-- but before she does, she must first face challenges of aggression. It is possible that, in a psychological sense, Akio forced her into those challenges to test her willingness to be the human embodiment of the drive to die. Akio and Utena provide a perfect set of conflicts; Eros and Thanatos, and id and superego.

The center of this tangle, and the most important character to both Akio and Utena, is Anthy Himemiya, Akio’s sister, and Utena’s best friend. Her role requires some explanation; she is the Rose Bride, the prize of the dueling game, and the subject of Utena’s repressed memory. Thus, she is the catalyst for Utena’s desire to be a Prince; her suffering at the hands of humanity moves Utena to swear that she will grow up strong and noble, so that she can someday rescue Anthy. On Anthy’s part, her motivations are very rarely distinctly her own; outside of Utena’s influence, she serves as the mechanism by which Akio obtains his gratification, whether sexual or in manipulating others. Both Anthy and her brother consider her to be ‘a doll without a heart,’ meant to facilitate his interaction with the world and his ability to gain the things he desires. Her ego does not exist for herself, but for his use. Utena puts Anthy’s ego to different uses. Utena’s influence allows Anthy to strive for something better; morality, and existence as something other than the adjunct of the id. Utena’s presence also allows her to act in a way very similar to the secondary process, delaying and averting the id’s gratification. In the last two episodes, especially, Anthy is portrayed as having very little will, or ego strength, of her own. She is treated as an incomplete person, while the other two characters are treated as representatives of the structures of the mind. Furthermore, her history implies that for a lengthy period of time, her only function has been to serve the desires of the id, which, if taken as a pattern for the functioning of a real human’s personality, would place her at a point before the development of the superego. Anthy serves as a representative of the ego; she is also a depiction of a human being.

The climax of Shoujo Kakumei Utena is where the most meaningful interaction between the characters takes place. Akio and Utena engage in combat, much as the id and superego would do if the ego were absent, or as Thanatos and Eros do. It is interesting to note that most of the attacks Akio makes on Utena are moral attacks, questioning her moral superiority and her fitness to question him. In effect, this questions her right to be what he has crafted her to be; she, however, overcomes his attacks, not because she does not believe him, but because she is more concerned for Anthy than she is for herself, thus proving her to be both the keeper of morals, and the inheritor of the death drive from the fallen Dios. In the midst of this battle, she comes near to achieving death when Anthy, in her role as facilitator for Akio’s desires, stabs her through the stomach, allowing Akio to take the sword formed from her soul and use it to gain the power he desires. To put it in Freudian terms, the ego and id have sided together, and the superego cannot force its more moral desires on the two of them. Akio’s bid for power fails, of course; by the internal logic of Shoujo Kakumei Utena, the power of a Prince cannot be wielded by one who is not a Prince, and Akio is only someone who used to be a Prince. Utena, however, continues on in her self-imposed quest for Princehood, crawling to the Rose Gate where the power rests, and finding there, instead of a gate, a coffin containing Anthy, who reaches out to her for the first time. Utena’s struggle to rescue Anthy has finally touched Anthy in a way that is more than superficial, and though Utena fails to save her, Anthy stops functioning as an ego caught between the superego and id, and starts to function as a person. Her eventual desertion of Akio, and her insistence that Utena is not dead is a part of this functioning. Anthy has reconciled her own id, strengthened by years of Akio’s id-driven bidding, and her superego, newly-fostered by Utena, with the help of her own ego, no longer siphoned off to do the bidding of others but functioning for her alone. The other two characters have achieved their just ends; Utena has died, or at least disappeared, fulfilling the drive to Thanatos, and Akio is left alive to survive on his own and do as his libido drives him, though without his sister’s help. In the end, they all fulfill their roles; Akio and Utena as representations of mental structures, and Anthy as the integrated, fully functioning person who has learned the worth of both.

These characters and their situation fall neatly into Freudian psychology as representations of drives and structures comprising a whole person. Each of these three characters has a developmental purpose, and a role to play in the growth of Anthy Himemiya. Freud’s theories, as well as his symbolism, are strongly represented in Shoujo Kakumei Utena, through the symbolic visuals, and through the intense investigation into the way minds, emotions, and personalities work. There may be completely surreal moments in the series, such as trains running across balconies, or disappearing walls of pinwheels, but there is also deep exploration of the human psyche. This deep investigation is the core of both Shoujo Kakumei Utena and Freudian psychology; the series entertains, Freud’s works inform, and both connect strongly with real life.

#Utena #Utena Tenjou #Anthy #Anthy Himemiya #Akio #Akio Ohtori #Analysis #Meta #Discussion #SKU #RGU #Shoujo Kakumei Utena #Revolutionary Girl Utena

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deckspair · 5 years

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Selling Your Soul | Shinobu | Trial 6.4 | re: Neo, Evangeline, sorta Chouko

“Th-The hell you are. Neo-kun, stop that, that isn’t funny and we both know it can’t be you, you’d never…!”

Shinobu would be the one to challenge him, though their voice hitched with desperation. It was clear that something had struck a nerve, and that the possibilities Neo brought up were not as inconceivable as Shinobu wanted them to be.

They stewed in silence as Neo revealed the logic behind what he said, and why he believed that this entire trial had been rigged against the few survivors. They broke that silence as he went on about how both he and Chouko had no family left to speak of – “you’re wrong, Neo-kun” – but was he really wrong? Chouko had confided in Shinobu about what the last motive implied to her. And Shinobu couldn’t remember seeing a Dr. Muneyuki being among the people confirmed safe aboard the ship.

(And then, a moment of realization and horror – no one ever said the people on board the other ships were still safe. Did… Did Evangeline ever consider that, too? Did she wonder if her parents were truly safe? Shinobu wasn’t going to be the one to propose the idea.)

“…No… No one’s punching anyone. Neo-kun brings up a good point. I-It isn’t just the five of us we need to think about. Th-though I don’t… I don’t know why the mastermind would ever put themself in danger too, especially if they…”

The observant, after all, would have seen Shinobu visibly flinch when Neo said Akira’s name.

Shinobu left the circle of podiums, retrieving the wheelchair they had set aside. It had been useful for transporting items of interest safely, but there’d been another reason to bring it, too. They cleared all the items on it off and onto their podium, and spoke gently and quietly to Neo – though, at this point, trying to be discreet about his health was futile.

Surely everyone could see the elephant in the room. Shinobu just didn’t want to admit to themself that all they could offer Neo was palliative care.

“Neo-kun, you need to rest… Please don’t overtax yourself.”

Whether or not he accepted their offer, Shinobu walked away, mulling over what the others had put forth. It made a lot of sense, but… but it hinged on some assumptions that were incorrect.

“Chelbamy’s not a student. He’s one of the researchers who was here originally – Chelbert Bellamy, the chief programmer, specifically.”

Shinobu began passing around a sheet of paper with a list of names and occupations, some of which might have seemed a bit familiar at this point:

LINDEMUTH LINTS - HEAD RESEARCHER CHELBERT BELLAMY - CHIEF PROGRAMMER TOKI HIKAMI - CHIEF ROBOTICIST KARINA CHOU - CHIEF BOTANIST TAKESHI ZHOU - LOGISTICS MANAGER CICLANA DE TAL - CHIEF ENVIRONMENTAL SCIENTIST/ATMOSPHERIC SCIENTIST ANANYA KORE - HOPE’S PEAK OVERSEER SEOJUN KIM - CHIEF NEUROSCIENTIST DIVYA ANAND - CHIEF MARINE BIOLOGIST KALIYA SHIVA - CHIEF MYOCOLOGIST; BIOLOGIST

[Role Call] A list of names and assigned roles is crumpled up under a pillow in the Engine Room. You don’t recognize any of the names.

Along with that, Shinobu showed everyone an employee ID card for the Hope’s Peak Posidonias Atlantica vessel, with a photo of a curly-haired person with thick, foggy glasses and the following information:

Name: Lindemuth Lints Designation: Head Researcher Clearance: Admin

[Lindemuth Lints] An employee ID card for someone named Lindemuth Lints, given the designation Head Researcher and clearance Admin, was found in the Lily Pond.

“I found the list in the engine room and the card in the lily pond. There’s… a couple names of interest. Lindemuth Lints was the head researcher, who created the flower pods in the lab downstairs, and… and Lindy Moth is linked to them. Lindy wasn’t helpful explaining how exactly they were connected: Just that Lints is ‘the reason’ Lindy was created, that they’re supposed to help Lints and maintain their work, and that it was Bellamy who actually created them. I… I couldn’t get much more than that…

…that, and if Lindy is to be believed, Bellamy isn’t on the ship and left before our class set sail. Maybe most of the researchers were supposed to be gone, al…although I think one of them might’ve greeted us when we first arrived? I think one stayed at least for orientation… I recognized them from the photos in their dorm.

The other thing is… Kaliya Shiva and Devi Shiva are related. I-I don’t know if it’s just coincidence. Maybe not. Maybe we’re only here b-because they wanted to save a crewmember’s relative and the rest of us were bonuses. Or… or it was Ananya Kore’s doing instead, and they saw us worth protecting because we’re… we’re what? Young, talented, promising? Useful?”

After all, despite whatever individual circumstances they all came from, simply being brought into the fold of Hope’s Peak Academy granted them privilege above their old stations. And that, perhaps, may have been the one reason someone saw it fit to save the orphans, the terminally-ill, and the working-class among the students.

Shinobu crossed their arms in discomfort, centering in on something else Neo had mentioned.

“You’re right, though. Someone here, either in our class or from the research crew, was likely interested in the concept of mind preservation and transferal. Refer to the… which was it… the Coral Lab. There were books about neuroscience, psychology, and religion, with emphasis on the nature of memories and souls. In particular, what stood out to me m-most was…

Was, first, trauma-induced memory loss, and the potential for… f-for deliberately forcing such repression. Second, there were theories about the brain, the body, the memories, and the soul. And third, Lindy was furious when I told them Junshu-san nearly burned the room down.

It… It doesn’t say a lot on its own, but… but if FrogBot’s been talking about that sort of thing…? Then this sounds like the research of someone who wanted to manipulate the very being of people.”

So, what, not only did they have to consider the possibility of forced amnesia, but they had to wonder what else might have been mucked around with? Cool!

“I think that… Hope’s Peak sponsored the submersibles? Or at least had a link to them. I vaguely recall a newspaper clipping about it in the lab too, a headline about a vessel sponsored by the school going on its first voyage – it was dated several years ago, so it’s not us. It could have still been this ship and the original crew, though…

…And, ah… Speaking of lists. I found this in FrogBot’s desk.”

Shinobu hesitated, before passing around another sheet.

[Feeling Listless] In a drawer in FrogBot’s desk is a list of names including yours and your seventeen fellow students’. It’s titled “TO MEET!” There are check marks next to the names of Kosuke, Law N. Oda, Sayuri, Mizuo, and Shinobu.

“…Now that I-I can speak freely… Yes, I went to FrogBot’s summons. They wanted me to… to spy for them. Give them information th-they didn’t have, in exchange for answering my questions. I… I didn’t… know what to do. I didn’t give an answer then and just left… but… but at the trial we learned they tortured Nakamura-san. And I knew I could never give them more ammo to hurt someone else.

…but this means FrogBot met with several people. Did… did anyone claim to meet them that isn’t on this list…?

Semi-related, I think I can… maybe speculate as to what Nishu-san got out of it? But it doesn’t really go anywhere, I… think. She just had a torn journal and a ruined photo on her desk.”

…well, crap. This stuff, Shinobu had forgotten to grab when they were gathering items for the trial. Everyone was just going to have to settle for video recordings of the objects in question.

[Journal] The journal looks similar to the ones found in the dorms. However, water damage has left most pages illegible, and it looks as if handfuls of pages has been directly torn out.

What little can be read appears on the last page. “Moving day… wonder what’s happening… others… I… miss… …ot. Hope… projects… …n’t destroyed

[Photograph] It’s a soggy photograph of a group of people.

It’s a photograph of roughly two dozen people, all smiling at the camera, though some smiles appear to be strained. Many of them are recognizable as students aboard the ship right now, but several more are not.

"And... And, no, I couldn't figure out where the Game Boy password goes, sorry. I even tried it on Bellamy's tablet, but no luck. I can't figure out his password at all -- I've tried that, Vita Nova, New Life, Plan Aqua... Are there any other ideas?”

#chapter 6 #trial 6 #shinobu #submission

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lupodefae-blog · 7 years

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PART I.

So I'm writing this simply because yesterday I talked to someone I have a very serious interest in and after a few minutes into the conversation they said that I haven't really shared much about me. That they didn’t even know I'm from New York and not from here. So I'm writing this at 9:50 because I guess I don’t really reveal much to anyone about me. So what better way to reveal all then to just write??? I don’t know… well might as well start My name is Benigno Agosto III, ya I'm the third. My father and grandfather being the first and junior, but more on them later I suppose. I was born in Manhattan, New York but memories of it at my younger age are pretty fuzzy. My mother is Katie and I get everything from here xD minus the skin tone. My father is Benigno Agosto jr. i… honestly don’t know much about him what so ever. All I know and remember is he is a very abusive man and alcoholic. Which was kind of my reasoning to act certain ways when I was younger and how I cat now sort of. We left NY when I was very young but came by it every now and then just for the trips sake. I met my father one time in my life and called him twice. When I called him I was 8 and I simply said 'hi I am your son' to which he didn’t even remember me, saying I'm not his son. So that was great as one could imagine. I met him when I was 13 and he showed no excitement, no emotion toward a crying kid hugging his dad for the first time. So that was fun as well. Then I called him one last time when I was 20 to tell him how I was, he was doing okay and we chatted for a bit. It was okay I guess. But he wanted me to call him dad, which I refused and explained I couldn’t give a man that title who out right abandoned his son and never gave so much as a happy birthday for his whole life. I feel no resentment anymore, when I was younger that’s all I had but no longer. I have 2 sisters on that side of my family and they are both pretty nice, I see my mouth and attitude comes from that side as well, blessings and curses I suppose xD When I was in the beginning stages of school I guess when my creativity came up, I really liked to draw, I liked singing and pretend to be a knight (which I came dressed to school as when asked to come as what I wanted to be when I was older) I had one friend named Huy. Now Huy was what I wanted to be like because he was SUPER cool and drew REALLY WELL. Like he was drawing DBZ characters in 5 minutes when I was drawing weird trees and little animals in hours and they weren't even good. But he told me to keep trying and I did, my teacher Mrs.Cashmen was my teacher and fully supported me and my like of art and me wanting to be better at it. She saw me as sweet and kind, even though I was super quiet (those who know me now yeah, I was EXTEREMLY QUIET) but other then them it was like I was against everyone… like everyone had something against me so I got into a lot of fights that no one even knew about. Around 3-4 grade, cant remember too well because it was just so long ago I had a major crush on one girl named Sarah. I didn’t know what to do, but I thought a good way to get girls was to be what dad was (bad idea) so I stole her Gameboy thinking if I did I could help her look for it and get her to keep talking to me. Eventually I just felt really mean and shitty and just told her the truth. We stopped talking after that obviously which really sucked. Around this time I was still getting into fights, but I had more friends. I saw Mrs. Cashmen from time to time and she always made me feel better. Huy went to another school from what I recall. But like I said I had friends who talked to me. At this point I gave up on art from the amount of comments about how I sucked and how I wasn’t good, so did the thoughts of being a comedian, and actor, and anything involving art really. I got into more fights, but this time for friends instead of them on me. Because I wanted someone to be there for me, so I thought it would be the same for others. unfortunately a kid proved that somewhat wrong when he and His friends jumped me after school for… w.e. reason. From there I got even more distant and to myself. Around that time suicidal thoughts came into play. Wanted to take pills but I didn’t know what would do anything, I wanted to cut myself but I was too scared of having to feel myself bleed out, I wanted to shoot myself but had no way to a freakin gun. Eventually I attempted to jump off my schools balcony on a Wednesday, I was gonna jump but a my gym teacher came and stopped me, I wish I remembered his name because I really appreciate his words. He just told me about how sad everyone would be if I did do it, family and friends, my mom who lost her brother to suicide. So instead of jumping I got taken to the hospital and had an evaluation right after. I lied and said I was okay but I really I didn’t wanna go away somewhere without my mom, because in that time that’s all I really had. After the event I didn’t make big attempts on my life, instead I just drew, wrote and though about what I would do if I could. All the negative thoughts kind of put me in a weird circle of thinking of myself. That if I don’t hate myself everyone will and keep hurting me, if I didn’t hate myself I wouldn’t get anywhere. If I'm breathing I need a find a way to stop so everyone will just leave me alone… but those were inner thoughts. After around grade 5 or 6 I lost all fucks and just got into fights left and right, and fought back really hard. Suspensions and held back one time for the amount of damage I did to one kid, but never once did I start the fights. I met Cristopher and a few others from my early days. They showed me how to be really happy and helped me get back into art and expression and I got a bit better after that. Crushes became relationships, relationships broke down and I got super sad and hard on myself, then they came to help me get better. I guess those were the better years I guess. High school came!! Well fuck, honestly I didn’t think I would really get that far. Thought id be gone before that. But here I was. I saw a girl who was literally my biggest crush in life like I even took the theater class I was in at the time all because she was going to take it too. Very bad I know but that was my thought process at the time xD I was so bad at flirting and my looks weren't as good as they are now (truly was an ugly duckling) messed that one super bad because I just looked weird and stuff. Had a crush on a new girl who was there only for a few weeks and had to go back to Florida after, but we had a relationship for a bit. We did some stuff I never did before most in a sexual context but nothing crazy. I thought id lose her if I didn’t play to her interests, so I played along with the sexual things so I wouldn’t lose her, I lied about being an awesome graphic designer and got caught lying about that and tried to walk around it all and that kind of lead to a break up. Well earned on my end. But she's doing great which I'm very happy to hear. Lots of relationships from that time and lots of break ups, where I was at fault, they were at fault, it was both parties, and some times there weren't many reasons why it just ended. All around honestly it was fun when it was fun and sucked bad when it sucked. All around alright experience College came and I guess at that time is where I came to be the me a lot of you have met and enjoy the most, so I guess I can ramble about stuff in life between all of the times xD I wanted to be a knight, but no one is being kidnapped and taken to castles anymore and no dragons were around to fight so I scrapped that at a young age. I then wanted to be a comedian and actor and performer, then I was told I sucked and I wasn’t funny. But now I am funny as fuck so to those who told me I sucked can suck it now! Bitches!... Ahem, now then. I wanted to be a vet after that because I loved animals, but I hate school just as much as I love them sooooo that went out the window. Now I'm in school trying to get a degree in Law and Psychology, mostly because I want to be a councilor, because I wanna help people who didn’t get the people I did… because everyone really needs SOMEBODY there. I love dogs, I like comedy and horror movies, even though I scream and freak out I still love the rush of horror, I like sitting at home and just relaxing, I enjoy my friends and hanging outside and going out because I didn’t get to any of that till college really. I like sweets, love chocolate but it makes me break out (what a sad life I live) but I eat that shit anyway because fuck it. I like working out even though I'm not super big yet. I like acting and wanna be a voice actor for fun and maybe be in a game or two xD I hate cats because they are the bane of my existence and they hate me. If its kittens then we can have a nice middle ground. I hate dolls because of my Chucky and a few Spanish movies involving dolls, if you ever give me on I will kick the shit out of it and kick the shit out of you simply because you gave it to me. I hate spicy foods, I cant take the heat, but id try it if you truly wanted me to. I dislike seafood, the texture just feels off, but I can eat sushi!!! Mostly because of the other stuff with it. I hate people who abuse others and hate those who hit women, and if I catch that shit anywhere I have been known to jump in that shit and stop it… even though chances are I will get in a shit ton of trouble or get beat I will do it anyway. I right now wanna start a business but I don’t wanna tell anyone about it because I'm afraid someone will do it before me and I cant risk that, because this business plan is one of the only motivations I have right now. I am called a flirt when truly I just enjoy complimenting people and knowing they are happy and see something good in them, not to gain anything out of it. I have the outward appearance of someone who might model, write awesome stuff, take wild adventures and live a great life with woman and money But I am a nerd in a handsome body xD I play dungeons and dragons, video games, and honesty am super shy despite the mask I wear that shows me being so super out there and up in crowds. I play guitar and don’t think I'm too good at it, I write a lot of poetry and stories… but I hate what I wrote. I take selfies and pictures of things but I hate what I capture on cameras at times. I am a guy who shows so much confidence but really has very little views on himse

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fapangel · 8 years

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Self-Defense for the Con-Goer

The following post is being made for the benefit of the cosplay/convention board on 4chan (/cgl/), but /cgl/ has a strong presence on tumblr so I’m hosting it here as well.

A Guide To Personal Safety, Security and Self-Defense at Conventions

Anyone who's read any of our “con horror stories” threads knows well the dangers attendant at conventions. Some of it's the criminal element that shows up to prey on any big gathering like a convention - but a great amount also owes to the kind of cheeto-dusted basement-dwelling CHUDs that tend to populate these events. Since there's been some interest in this recently I've put together some information of great use for *every* con-goer to enhance their personal safety, ranked in order of importance and presentation:

* How to see danger coming, and where it's most likely to happen,

* What to do about it when you notice it,

* The psychology of criminals and how it affects you,

* Your options vis a vis self-defense tools, pros and cons, difficulties and costs of obtaining them and legal considerations to know of, esp. in the context of traveling between states to conventions.

You'll notice that actual self-defense tools are the least important aspect, because an attack prevented is far superior to an attack repulsed - zero risk compared to *some* risk. Without further ado, here's the content:

HOW TO SEE IT COMING:

Absolutely fucking essential required reading in understanding where you will be attacked, and how:

http://www.nononsenseselfdefense.com/five_stages.html

http://www.nononsenseselfdefense.com/fringe.html

Everything on this site is excellent, but these two pages are probably the most important reading for a convention-goer. To boil it down for the tl;dr amongst us:

* You will be targeted in “transition areas” that are sparsely populated, while your attention is focused on getting somewhere else - stairwells and parking lots/parking garages are especially dangerous.

* Criminals will “interview” you with some bullshit line as they close in to attack range; the classic “hey man you got a light” strategy. You win or lose the encounter at this point; if you fail to recognize the developing attack you are probably fucked.

* Criminals typically do not hide; it's not really possible. They simply lurk in places with short sight-lines; by the time you see them they're already close and approaching, a pleasant lie on their lips to distract you for the several seconds they need to position themselves for an attack. If someone approaches you in too familiar a manner in any transition or “fringe area,” this is a huge, screaming danger sign. Have your cell phone in one hand and your self-defense option of choice in the other, immediately.

There's a few other links on this site especially applicable to convention situations, especially in light of the shit we see in the horror story threads.

Profile of a rapist (i.e. a selfish, self-absorbed son of a bitch:) http://www.nononsenseselfdefense.com/profile.html

Hit hard or run, but never, ever hit them light: http://www.nononsenseselfdefense.com/ineffective_violence.htm

Both of these relate especially to dangers of acquaintance rape, and given the common practice of splitting hotel room costs at conventions - and even the habit of some people to go “room-surfing” looking for people that'll let them crash in some random hotel room - this is especially relevant. CHOOSE YOUR FRIENDS VERY, VERY WELL, especially before you share a hotel room with them! Your friends also have keycards to your rooms; their poor judgment might well put you in danger. Conversely they might just be ignorant; if you see trouble developing and they don't, SAY SOMETHING!

One problem unique to conventions is the aforementioned cheeto-dusted CHUD. Bluntly put, anime conventions attract a Particular Element in undue proportion; people who have little to no grasp of social niceties and boundaries. This is the source of Problems, especially when said CHUDs zero in on an attractive woman and are unable to pick up on the “no” signals, (up to and including the exact words “please fuck off before I mace you.”) This link addresses said boundaries, and how to defend them in an assertive manner without coming across as aggressive, which might make the problem worse:

http://www.nononsenseselfdefense.com/assertiveness.html

This entire page is good, but this section on personal space rules is very important. When someone starts to violate those boundaries, they're either testing you, or a cheeto-dusted-CHUD (a CDC, if you will,) who doesn't understand them. Or worse, the former posing as the latter. Either way, they have crossed a boundary you *must* defend. Closer than that boundary and they are positioned to do all sorts of things you'd rather not, and if they assault you it's going to make precious little difference to you if it was deliberate or just extreme autism at work.

This is a good start for addressing a very frequent problem at cons - people who violate personal space, stalk, or even grope women at conventions, sometimes in the middle of a huge, crowded space or even the dealer's hall. As so many “con horror story” threads have detailed, many people are reluctant to shout or react for fear of making a “scene” and being told they're “over-reacting,” or the like. My take is that a boundary you don't defend is nonexistent; but not everyone shares that view. If you're one of them, the best advice I've heard is to travel with friends - you'll have allies and backup right there with you, without having to worry about how bystanders will react one way or the other.

(Aside: this particular situation's not one I'm well-equipped to analyze or discuss; those of you with more knowledge/insight please weigh in so I can improve the quality of this guide.)

With all that said, here's some of my own observations, which seem consistent with all the Professional Advice I've read over the years:

1. Assholes are also cowards and they consider women easy targets. I'm not qualified to contextualize this against the backdrop of institutionalized patriarchy or whatever, it's just something I've seen with my own eyes: shitty people are always, always more likely to start shit with a woman than a man. I noticed it at work, even - customers who'd get nasty with our female co-workers wouldn't say shit to me. One was so pissed at being told he couldn't smoke at a gas station that he threatened to pull a gun on one of them (especially hilarious considering she was behind armored glass with a robbery button at hand.) Why they think they can get away with it, I won't speculate, but they do, and that's all that matters. This is partly because they're knuckle-dragging shit-flinging simians who's model of social interaction has reverted to hooting ape mode, and partly because threat displays (macho man flexing I'mma kick yer ass) are a big part of that mindset, and women are obviously less imposing in that regard.

2. This macho man horseshit cuts both ways - I can't tell you how many morons I've heard opine that an openly-carried pistol will “scare away” bad guys like some sort of fucking magical talisman. That's not how it fucking works. Criminals aren't scared of a gun - they're scared of the person HOLDING it. Someone walking around strapped like Butch Fuckin Cassidy will be challenged, and if he flakes, he will be assaulted. Conversely, someone walking down the street without a weapon visible can make a would-be mugger remember urgent business elsewhere simply by 1. noticing the mugger moving into position and 2. easing a hand into their pocket while said mugger is still thirty feet distant. Do they have a revolver in their pocket, or just their hand? Mugger doesn't want to find out - he's already been made. The frilliest Ita getup on earth can't hide the significance of the person wearing it watching you carefully as they reach into their sequined purse. That's the difference between “easy target” and “definitely not worth the trouble.”

With that said, the willingness to resist means little without something to resist with.

THE TOOLS

There's a LOT of options available, not just pepper spray - chief among them are stun guns, tasers, expandable batons and multi-purpose knives. They all have pros and cons and varying levels of legal hoops to jump through.

TASERS are one of the best options. They can zap an attacker at a distance (before they put a knife into you,) can still function as a stun gun after they've been fired, AND they're legal in 45 out of 50 US states. In most states they're either entirely unregulated, or legal to carry with a Concealed Carry License. They're so widely accepted that even the very few states that ban normal stun guns (such as Michigan) allow you to carry Tasers! The disadvantages are that they're kind of pricey; the cheapest models are 500 buckaroos (average price of a Glock, for reference.) Tasers are easily concealable in a variety of ways (and a variety of cosplay outfits, for that matter), highly effective and NON-LETHAL.

Taser Co. has a chart listing laws and restrictions by state:

http://www.defenseproducts101.com/statestatutesummary_page2.html

PEPPER SPRAY has the advantage of being cheap as hell, available everywhere (even in the hardware checkout lane,) and legal damn near everywhere (in the USA, at least,) but it can easily be the least effective option there is. If you use this, buy two cans and use one in practice - give a tree a few squirts so you can see how the stream flies, how far it goes, etc. Pepper spray can also take several seconds to really kick into full effect; if your attacker has his hands on you already it won't save you from a beating - or worse. It's still a hell of a lot better than nothing, but if you use it, hose them down good (use a small circular motion and aim for the face) and then RUN LIKE HELL. Don't stick around to appreciate the effects. Some states might require an ID/over 18 for sales, so plan for this ahead of time and get your parents/guardians to buy you one ahead of your trip, if you’re younger.

STUN GUNS are pretty damn effective too; one zap will drop pretty much anyone like a rock. They have the same limitations as Tasers when it comes to penetrating thick clothing and most obviously you have to be close to the target - but bear in mind that self-defense happens at close range anyway. The average police shooting happens at a range of nine feet, and the average self-defense shooting at a range of six. Stun Guns can be had very cheaply these days AND they're legal almost fucking everywhere - WITHOUT restrictions:

http://www.stungunbuyersguide.com/stun-gun-laws/

Both these items are also legal to put in your CHECKED luggage if you're flying to the con, and the TSA's highly unlikely to bother you over such purely defensive, non-lethal tools. They're also piss-easy to use for anyone, no training needed.

EXPANDABLE BATONS are highly effective physical weapons, but suffer from legal problems in that they're restricted in many states. They can fold up to a package that fits in your hand, and will telescope out and lock with a nice crisp *snick* when you flick your wrist. Then they become a sturdy metal weighted club that can block attacks, extends your reach far past your own arm, and greatly magnifies the power of your strikes. All this helps keep you out of lethal range of an attacker AND they're far, far less likely to do life-threatening damage compared to a knife. Strength doesn't matter that much for these; the weighted end and the lever effect greatly magnify your effective force. You don't need (OR want) to kill the bastard, you just need him to stop trying to hurt you, and a few love taps from a baton are very convincing. Unfortunately they're flat-out banned in many states, though some others will allow you to carry one concealed if you have a concealed carry license.However if your go-to option is already an umbrella or something seriously consider one of these - they're cheap as hell; cheap as 20 bucks sometimes.

Here's a rundown of the legality. Be sure to double-check your state laws (and the laws of your favorite convention's state) for yourself, however:

http://weaponlaws.wikidot.com/state-baton-laws

KNIVES are one of the most complex options. Knives are purely offensive weapons; they're very lethal, but offer you literally no defense aside from a good offense and the threat of such. However, because state laws are often moronic, the laws usually make them much more attractive options than almost anything else. For instance, my state (Michigan) makes it easy to get a carry permit for a lethal handgun, and knives are mostly unregulated (if it isn't double-edged, you're good,) but stun guns and batons are banned *entirely* and you need a carry permit just to get a Taser! It's far easier to get *lethal weaponry* in my state than non-lethal. It's fucking crazy, but that's how it is. For that reason, I'll discuss knives.

As I said before, knives are almost entirely offensive weapons. This is mainly because they're SMALL. That makes them easy to hide for surprise attacks, but their lack of reach means you can't keep someone from getting close enough to hurt you. Unlike clubs - which can incapacitate an attacker *without* doing life-threatening harm, even if you break their arm - knives make deep piercing wounds that perforate vital organs. A single stab wound can kill you quicker than a small-caliber handgun round, in fact. They're used by gangs not as “fighting” weapons, but murder weapons.

However knives do have a few big advantages. For starters, they can't be called weapons. Small locking-blade folders are extremely common as mere pocketknives and they don't really raise eyebrows anywhere outside a TSA line. Consider this one:

This little thing is legal almost anywhere. State laws almost always ban:

* Long-ass knives (over 6 inches blade length,)

* “Gravity Knives” (butterfly knives, lingering 70s hysteria,) or any “spring-opening knife” (i.e. switchblades,) though “spring-assisted” (requiring a very small amount of force from your thumb) are legal in most states (this is a technical workaround of the anti-switchblade laws.)

* Anything double-edged or combat-oriented (bowie knives, “dirks, daggers, claymores, Sting, etc.)

Small general-purpose locking-blade folders like that Buck knife? Nobody gives a shit. But guess what? It's every bit as dangerous as any other knife you'll ever see, and if it's all you've got, it's going to make a would-be attacker think thrice. Knives are *scary.* Even better, you don't need some fancy, expensive spring-assist mechanism to draw it quickly - even a simple folder like this with a thumb-stud or thumb-hole and no spring-assist can be flicked open very, very fast as it comes out of your pocket:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tA_sTMXzazM

Knives can be had *cheap,* too - forty bucks gets you a nice “name brand” knife like the Buck knife I linked, but even a cheap-ass potmetal 20 dollar plastic-sided job from the hardware store will do. And pocketknives are very useful tools anyway. The only other tool nearly as useful is a small penlight. You should have both in your purse, IMO (most premeditated attacks happen under cover of night.) And again, these draw very little notice or alarm from police.

Picture related - this is the knife I carry:

As you can see, it's shaped super tacticool and it's pretty much designed with stabbity in mind. It even has the name of Someone Sorta Famous in cursive on the blade... and for all that, I've never had a cop blink at it, because for all the pretense it's effectively identical to that boring, plain, inoffensive Buck knife I linked - and said Buck knife will attract even less remark.

Knives are also psychologically potent - *if* you are willing to use them. Violent people know damn well how lethal knives are, and the Hollywood effect short-sells the potential lethality of clubs compared to knives; so pretty much everyone fears a knife a lot more. But this is only true if you are willing to use it. Without the will to commit to an attack, people tend to just slash and wave a knife wildly, which is mostly ineffective - *stab wounds* are what make knives so dangerous. Street criminals have learned the hard way that a weapon is not dangerous - a person willing to USE a weapon is dangerous. (See my commentary on “open carry” above.) And you might be attacked not by a street criminal, but a cokehead mugger desperate for your next fix - these people will kill you for the twenty dollars in your wallet without hesitation or remorse. You need to be able to follow through; bluffing will not cut it.

Remember that you've been forced to this extremity by your attacker - you cannot make their choices for them, you can only choose for yourself - and you must choose to survive. What it takes for you to survive is the consequence of your attacker's decisions. Commit to protecting your life fully - channel Mikasa.

Hold the knife close to you and THRUST it at the target - not at the center of their body, but to either side (to get between the ribs and puncture a lung.) It's a lot harder to stab through the breastbone. It's a horrific thing to have to discuss, and again, why I'd prefer a baton or a Taser - but if you're fighting for your life, FIGHT WITH EVERYTHING YOU HAVE. You could also go for the face and throat to dissuade them and make then piss off, but if you connect (quite easy) the injuries might be even worse. (If you do this, keep the slashes SHORT. More like little circles in the air at the end of your thrust, not big sweeping motions like you're swinging a sword.) To repeat, KNIVES ARE VERY LETHAL WEAPONS. ONLY USE THEM IF YOU ARE IN FEAR OF YOUR LIFE OR SERIOUS BODILY INJURY. They bear many of the drawbacks of a gun without any of the advantages - but they will frequently be your only legal and accessible option in an emergency.

This site has an excellent run-down of knife laws by state:

http://www.knifeup.com/knife-laws/

THE OBVIOUS OMISSION

There's one glaring omission in this rundown so far - the Rooty Tooty Point 'N Shooty. That omission is deliberate. Everybody - and I do mean everybody - has a right to safety and self-defense, and that includes people who are uncomfortable with firearms. This post is for informing those people that they've got a plethora of options aside from pepper spray and those fucking useless keychain sticks. This thread is NOT for filthy knuckledragging redstate /k/ommandos (like me) to spew gatfacts and dank gadsden flag maymays, and if I even look askance at that, that's all some people will see. There *is* a lot of good advice to be dispensed on that topic to those interested, but I'll save that for a separate post for aforementioned reasons.

#convention #con #anime con #anime convention #self-defense #cosplay is not consent #cosplay #self defense #/k/osplay

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