#idk if I’m greatful it was his mum and not Ben

[autisticempathydaemon]

If you're still doing the matchups, I'd love to get one, thanks. This is such a cute and fun idea, and I've loved reading them. Thanks for doing this!

What song are you fixated on at the moment? What lyric or verse, and why? Queencard by (G)I-dle. It's mostly in Korean, so I can't understand most of the lyrics, but it just makes me feel so happy.

What is your Enneagram type?

5

Do you love gargantuan Youtube video essays, and if so, which is your favorite and why?

Sometimes yes, sometimes no. Depends if it's something I'm vaguely interested in or not.

Tell me about your childhood imaginary friend.

I don't remember, and I asked my mum and she can't remember any details either

What is your go-to way to fall asleep?

Get waaaay too tired because I've stayed up too late 😭

Aside from that, my fave Redacted sleep aid

If you had to change your name, what would it be, and why? (In tandem, if you have changed your name, why did you pick that one?)

Daisy maybe, I like the sound of it.

What is your favorite of Redacted’s audios, and why?

Anything Adam. Something about him just scratches that weird little itch in my brain just right.

What Redacted boy holds no appeal to you, and why? Like, not the one you hate but the one who you don’t get the hype for. (I won’t judge, I promise.)

Sam maybe. I haven't listened to most of his audios, so haven't got really invested. Also the overhype for him in the fandom has kinda made me sick of him.

Tell me about that one book/movie/tv show you know all the words to.

None really, I don't rewatch stuff a lot, and my memory isn't great, so that doesn't help lmao.

Which Redacted boy are you platonically attracted to? Like- forget dating, which dude do you want to be your best friend?

Guy, maybe. He's so fun and I love him so much, but I don't think I'd want to date him.

Do you have a go-to thing you ramble about when you’re tired, and if so, what is it? (For example, my boyfriend knows I’m ready to sleep when I start talking about space.)

Nope, I just get really quiet when I'm sleepy.

Tell me your go-to gas station and drink combo.

A slurpee and a sweet pastry of some kind, probably.

Tell me about your favorite playlist at the moment. 

I've made one that I add all my musical hyperfixations to as they occur. It's sooo good (imo anyways).

What’s your guilty pleasure media, and why?

I try not to feel guilty about anything that I really enjoy. I guess boyfriend asmr could count, since it's not something I'd discuss with anyone unless I knew they were also a fan.

And whatever else you think tells me about who you are!

Idk, I'm just a person at war with their brain (ADHD) and their body (gender dysphoria)

Thanks again! ❤❤❤

Type Fives seem to be characterized as independent, thoughtful people in their own heads and thoughts. That tracks with what I know of ADHD and your quiet temperament when you become tired, and because of this, I like Huxley with you.

I feel like people can take Fives, like Honey, and mistake their stoic or introverted nature for misanthropy or arrogance; Huxley would know better. He strikes me as a very chill, flexible ambivert, nature thriving in clamor or silence, you know? He’d be a supportive, steady presence by your side- your rock, if you will, which all neurodivergent people could use (I say from experience).

Being with Huxley would be just so perfect, as perfect as a relationship could realistically be. He’s so thoughtful, considerate, and empathetic; he’d be a great person to have around when suffering from dysphoria, always willing to listen and knowing what he can do to help. Since he’s also so chill and so nice and so genuinely interested, he’d love to hear you talk about boyfriend asmr or whatever you might be hyperfixated on. He’d be one of those people who sincerely listens to infodump and becomes an expert on those subjects just to engage with you and what you love.

Song:

Ooh, who said it's true/ That the growing only happens on your own?/ They don't know me and you/ I don't think you have to leave/ If to change is what you need/ You can change right next to me

I’m a sucker for Huxley and songs with growing/nature-centric word choices; what can I say? Huxley strikes me as a chill, acoustic, indie kind of guy who loves some solid, stellar vocals, so this Ben Platt song works well with that. I also love that this is a really realistically romantic song that has a sentiment I could see Huxley expressing, you know? It has this imagery of two people like vines or trees in a relationship, growing together, becoming intertwined, supporting each other over them.

Runner-ups:

Lasko is a runner-up because I’m a Lasko kinnie, I’m autistic so Lasko is autistic, and there’s no cuter ship than the ADHD/Autistic ship, you know? They work! Ollie is a runner up for more legitimate reasons in that he has a lot of the same supportive, sweet traits as Huxley- just not as much.

note: thank you so much for waiting and playing~!

Read this post and send me an ask if you’d like a match-up of your own! 💌

[buildoblivionthenwewilltalk]

if you could have seen my face when klaus walked on that beach I was fully ready to find blackman and sue him for royalties

[gmwsuperfan5467890]

Nhie 3x1

-I’m glad Devi is starting to learn not to care about what others think of her.

-Paxton was a great boyfriend! I’m really glad that tv shows nowadays are showing the guy backing off when the girl looks uncomfortable without her having to say anything bc it shows that consent is not just saying yes, it’s being enthusiastic about that yes.

-It was really sweet that Trent was so protective of Paxton. Tho hitting Paxton where the sun don’t shine is not funny. This reminds me of when Trent’s mum thirsted over him in season 1. Newsflash, guys getting sexually harrassed and sexualized is not funny ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY’RE UNDERAGE.

-I don’t really care about Trent and Eleanor dating, I have to be honest.

- I can’t believe that one of the posts on my Nhie season 3 headcannon list came true! Fab and Eve are on the rocks their interactions in this ep once again prove to me that Fabiola deserve much better. Fabiola is over-exhausted to the point where she is constantly falling asleep just to make time to talk to Eve but Eve can just say anytime that is convenient to her? Fuck that shit, I’m fucking pissed. I’m glad that Fabiola realized after unfortunately underperforming in school that she can’t go on like this and that she needs to prioritize herself. I predict that she will get a love interest at the end of the season. Idk if there are any few female characters this season but if there aren’t, maybe she’ll date Aneesa? They could be good together.

-Imo I think Ben is stressed about something and that is why he obsessing over his grades so much, bc when you are stressed over something you can’t control, you try to tighten your grip on what you can control. This is like far-fetched wish but if they approach it from a certain angle, then they could make him have an OCD storyline. Like let’s say after that 100, he gets extra-credit in another class so he’s like, “it was bc I did this in the morning” so he makes it a ritual, then something bad happens and he’s like “it’s because I didn’t tap the door 7 times before leaving the house” and then soon he has all these rituals and gets agitated when someone interrupts him or questions him and he eventually spirals out of control.

- I definitely expected Ben and Aneesa to be together in this ep but I have to say I really hope she doesn’t get hurt in this situation tho I know that she probably will. It has also been confirmed that Ben does not like that Aneesa does not score grades that are as high as his and that she doesn’t really know where she wants to go to college. I think that’s shallow, but unfortunately very unrealistic, I could see some of the smart kids in my old high school doing that. I hope he realizes that type of stuff doesn’t matter and if their relationship ends, it’s because they mutually realize that they aren’t compatible romantically and not because Ben thinks that ‘she’s not smart enough’ for him, ick I would hate it if they went in that direction.

-They’re really trying to make Aneesa look dumb, huh? 84 is a decent grade, especially when you spend hours training. Her grade is only 2 points higher than Trent? So what?? That means that Trent studied and so did she. And maybe school isn’t her thing but at least she’s putting in the effort and she’s doing decent. Academics is not the only indicator of intelligence and I’m sick of tired of people thinking that it is.

- I’m glad Kamala and Prashant broke up and I hope that she will be single for a while. I am intrigued to see Kamala in the hot seat with her family for once, well with Nirmala mainly.

-I am not a huge fan of the ending scene, Devi getting a text insinuating that Paxton is not great is a weird plotline. Like if they wanted to cause problems in the relationship and eventually break them up,it should be because of something Devi or Paxton did or them realizing they are not compatible, not because of a rumour. I am hoping that this is a subversion of some sort.

[figula]

good afternoon! i am feeling ok, but quite sad still!

thought-probing underneath

i feel like i really have no business feeling sad about this? ben says to stop policing my own feelings lol. i just keep thinking about how good of a time i had w/ my grandparents in my youth, how much fun we had, how that kind of carefree childishness is forever gone - was forever gone anyway, obviously, but his death feels meaningful i guess bc he was really the last aspect of my childhood that still existed. i still think about how crazy it is that he is responsible for half of my career by dint of teaching me chess + encouraging me w/ it. (”career” lol! idk how else to put it tho lol)

i will have to do an overnight stay at the casa de my parents on the 27th, then come home on the 28th. this is, ofc, the day after my birthday so that’s a real winner!! had this conversation w/ my mum:

mummy: Hello. Hope all is well. Aunt Cate is now here and we have sorted out Grandad’s funeral today and his room.  His funeral won’t be a proper funeral at all because all we are going to do is to have immediate family members around the grave and we can all say what we like to remember Grandad if we want to  or not. So the guest list is me, your father, Maddy, you and Ben, Aunt Cate, Malcolm and Lucy. That’s it. Incredibly simple and that’s all. It would be lovely to have you there. me: I will come if you want me to - I'm not overly concerned about the funeral for me (I didn't go to grandma's either and I don't regret it) but I will come to see you all and have some family time of course. What's the date? May need to sort something out with ben / daddy picking me up halfway

mummy: That would be great. Xxx we don’t have a date yet but probably the 28/29/30 August. We are all thinking about your birthday gift as well pup so don’t worry your birthday is in our minds too. Much love from your mother xxx. No one will find it easy but important to do we think.

so that is kind of her tbh. i think it will be dreadful and truly not important for me, in that i don’t find anything healing in group mourning really, but i definitely think it would be damaging to my r/ships with the rst of the family if i didn’t go, and i don’t want that, so i do think it’s important to go for that reason, if nothing else. ben can come if it’s on the 28th but anything after that is the first few days he’s back at work after holiday so obviously he cant come then lol

in a full pivot: my new alpaca arrived and it is lovely :D

also ben, being annoying:

i mean he is right but i htae for him, a man, to be right

[gins-potter]

some thoughts about 10x03:

brettsey weren’t the focus on this episode and yet we were still fed soooooooo much

i wouldn’t mind a bit more stellaride though, although i’m sure we’ll get things like them planning the wedding further in the season

casey + griffin

this was definitely my favourite storyline and i’m so excited to see where and how it goes

the domestic scenes at the loft with brettsey and stellaride, visiting the boardwalk from s2, the possibility of casey taking them in again i am just so here for all of it

i know the actor playing griffin isn’t the original but tbh i thought he did a pretty good job considering it’s a pretty emotional storyline and he’s surrounded by very seasoned actors

the scene at the house where andy died might be my favourite, the acting from both was great, i thought the editing and use of the old footage was really really well done, and just oof got me all up in my feels

i’m maybe a little surprised that this is the direction they’re taking heather’s character but it also doesn’t feel inaccurate to who we knew her as in s2

tbh the only beef i have with this storyline is that they clearly fucked with the ages making griffin 6 when andy died when we know he would have been 9 at the youngest - and i almost feel like it was really unnecessary because i feel like they did it so both boys would still be underage but keeping the canon ages, griffin only would have been around 19 and ben definitely would have been underage so ben would still need a legal guardian and i don’t think it’s weird to take griffin in as well since he’s barely legal

severide + cruz

i liked the ending to this storyline but thought the getting there was kind of weird ngl

i totally get that it’s a fine line between trusting your man when he says he’s fine and stepping in if it seems like he isn’t, and that severide has a responsibility to the rest of his crew and the people they help but i find it weird that he took cruz on his word when it was kind of obvious that he wasn’t okay

and then he was really reluctant to talk to him about it which idk i’m not sure was in character for severide? idk.

i am glad that squad came together for him in the end and helped support him

sylvie + paramedicine

mouch and sylvie is honestly such an underrated pairing so i’m always here for this dynamic and mouch helping her with her bag and then going to the chief on her behalf was just the sweetest

the call where the boy died while his mum was ringing him was fucking heartbreaking but casey comforting sylvie later and not even needing to speak and just knowing what she needed was just yessssssss

in general i’m just really here for this storyline and love seeing these women take initiative in the workplace

gallo + cruz + squad

short storyline and no one was really at fault - there was no way gallo was to know what had just happened and cruz is still recovering but i still want to wrap gallo in a blanket and never let anyone be mean to him again

i am glad he’s staying on 81 though, the truck company is pretty depleted when you consider they used to have 6 members and are now down to 4 (with stella actively looking to leave) plus it’s just refreshing not to have a character jet off to squad as soon as they’re able

the millennials + their microbrewery

things are progressing with that which is cool

i need more drunk, giggly, millennials in the future pls

[freddiesaysalright]

Just Like a Woman - Part 4

A Roger Taylor x Reader Fic

Summary: You and Roger were once in love when you were young. Only, he went on to be a rock star, and you went on to be a lawyer. Now, quite against your will, you’re representing him in his divorce.

Word Count: 3.7k

Tag List: @psychosupernatural, @someone-get-a-medic, @bensrhapsody, @deakyclicks, @crazylittlethingcalledobsession, @minigranger, @crazyweirdocalledfriday, @the-moving-finger-writes, @assembledherethevolunteers, @rose-writes-prose, @queenlover05, @26-7-49, @drowsebaby, @moon-stars-soul, @im-an-adult-ish, @ixchel-9275, @jennyggggrrr, @zyanmaik, @mypassionfortrash, @a19103, @madeinheavxn, @beepbeephardy, @lizawritesthings, @qweenly, @blisshemmings, @seasidecrowbar, @internationalkpoplova, @ellystone, @takemetoneverland420, @coffeexcigarette, @lookuptotheskiesandsee, @thatpunkmaximoff, @angelkissys, @rocknroll-stolemyass, @simonedk, @anotheronebitesrogertaylor, @peterquillzblog, @mrfahrenhcit, @joseph-mozzerella, @theprettyandthereckless, @flick-ofthe-wrist, @johndeaconshands, @rogerandhiscar, @queenmaracasandlove, @sunflower-ben, @cubetriangle, @amy-brooklyn99​, @scorpiogemini  If you’d like to be added, let me know! Also, I’m sorry the tags aren’t working for everyone? Tumblr is dumb and idk how to fix it :(

A/N: Okay, time for the full story of Y/N and Rog :) Also. I realize I posted the previous chapter yesterday, but I was in a MOOD today so I hope y’all enjoy!

Warning(s): mentions of abuse

Part 1  Part 2  Part 3

Part 4 here we go!!!

“So, tell me about Roger Taylor,” said Dr. Tracy. 

You scowled at her. “Why, what does he have to do with anything?”

“From what Mark tells me, it has a great deal to do with your relationship,” she said. “I want the whole story.”

It was only your second therapy session, and you were already annoyed. It mostly felt like a way for Mark to spill his feelings about you to someone other than you, and have that person validate him to your face so you couldn’t argue.

You were also annoyed because you felt like the more people brought Roger up, the harder it would be to move on. It had been two weeks since you had confronted him outside the bar, and even though you showed a cool exterior during your meetings with him, your heart was still breaking over what you had learned.

“Y/N?” said Dr. Tracy. “Can you begin please?”

“Fine,” you sighed. “I met Roger when we were six. His father was an abusive and terrifying man, and before my family lived in the house next door, Roger would go to the shed and hide in there. After my family and I moved in, I found him in there on a rainy evening looking for a tool my father needed...”

The skinny blonde boy was sopping wet and quaking behind a large bag of fertilizer. He glared fiercely at you. It was almost frightening, especially with the blood dribbling from his lip. But, his own fear - so evident in those wide eyes - eased your own. 

“Are you okay?” you asked.

A large drop of water leaked from the roof and onto his face. He shook his head.

“D’you need some help?” you wondered. “You’re bleeding. My mum’s a nurse so she’s got plenty of bandages.”

“P-please,” he shivered.

“Well, come on, then,” you said, offering your hand.

He took it. It was frigid compared to your warm one, but you felt his need in his grip. Forgoing the errand for your father, you led the boy inside. You came into the kitchen, where your mother was making dinner and your father was reading quietly. They both looked up and saw you with the strange, helpless boy and they looked at each other.

“Who’s this, Y/N?” your father asked.

You faced the boy. “Oh! I forgot to ask your name!”

“It’s Roger,” he said with a sniffle.

Your mother disappeared into the sitting room and returned with a blanket, wrapping it tightly around Roger’s shoulders. He shot her a grateful glance but then looked resolutely at the floor.

“How’d you find Roger, dear?” you mother wondered.

“He was in the shed,” you said simply. “He’s hurt.”

Your mother knelt down in front of him. She took his chin between her thumb and forefinger and lifted his face to inspect it. She saw his split lip. In the light, she also saw the bruise forming along his cheekbone.

“Have you been fighting, Roger?” she asked gently.

“No, ma’am,” he told her. “My dad got angry at me because I didn’t pick up a toy, so he…”

His lower lip trembled as his eyes filled up with tears.

“Oh, you poor darling,” your mother cooed. “Stay right here, love, we’ll fix you up.”

She bustled upstairs to retrieve her things. Roger sniffled. Your father looked at him.

“Come here, Roger,” he said.

For the first time, Roger released your hand. He stepped warily over to your father. Your dad lifted the boy up and placed him in his lap, caring nothing about the wet clothes dampening his work pants.

“There’s a good lad,” your father said gently, rubbing Roger’s cold arms. “Are you bad hurt?”

Roger shook his head. “S’just my lip, sir. I’m alright.”

“That’s not what I mean,” you father said. “Bad hurt isn’t something you feel on your skin. It’s something you feel in here.” 

He pointed to Roger’s chest. His heart.

“Are you bad hurt, Roger?”

Tears spilling out of his eyes, Roger nodded.

“You father scares you?” your dad continued.

Roger nodded again. “Yes, sir.”

Your father nodded. “You may call me Felix, if you like.”

Just then, your mother re-entered the room, fresh clothes and first aid kit in hand.

“And that lovely lady is my wife, Vivian,” he went on. “And of course you’ve met my daughter, Y/N.” He paused thoughtfully. “Roger, I don’t know how you found your way to our shed, but you’re welcome to come to the front door.”

“Can’t,” Roger said. “I live next door, he’ll see where I went. If I go through the back fence, he doesn’t follow me.”

“Come to the back door, then,” your father said. “I promise I’ll never lock it.”

“Really?” Roger returned, eyes wide with wonder which had replaced his fear.

“Really,” you father assured him. “So the next time something like this happens, or you’re feeling bad hurt, you can come here. We’ll do what we can to make it better for you.”

Gently, your father reached up and wiped the tears from Roger’s cheeks.

“There we go, there’s a handsome chap,” he said. “Ready to let Viv clean you up?”

You mother smiled warmly at Roger. He nodded. Your father eased him off his lap and then Roger took your mother’s hand and followed her into the bathroom so he could change and she could treat him. You looked at your dad.

“Is there anything we can do, Daddy?” you asked. “To make his daddy be nicer to him?”

“I’m afraid there isn’t much that would be effective, sweetheart,” he replied. “But what we can do is show him that there are good and kind people in this world. And we can remind him that he is deserving of kindness. That will have to be enough for now.”

He stood up, patted your head, and went into the sitting room to the piano. Your dad was a banker, but he was also an incredibly talented musician. He always said he played piano and did a little banking on the side as a joke. 

Roger emerged, looking much happier. He drew close to your father and looked at the shiny white keys. 

“Do you play?” your father asked.

Roger shook his head.

“Would you like to learn?”

Roger nodded and grinned.

“Well, climb on the bench, I’ll teach you some,” your father said.

Roger hastily obeyed and clamored onto the bench as your father took a seat beside him. Your mother sat on the couch and you went and crawled into her lap. The two of you watched as your father showed Roger the basics. He learned quickly. Music came easily to Roger, and you thought then that he would one day amount to something great. 

Your father then let you take his place and you taught Roger a few little diddies you knew. Felix and his wife started back toward the kitchen so they could finish dinner and fix a plate for Roger as well.

“What can we do, Felix?” Vivian asked. “Can’t we call someone?”

“We can try, but I’m afraid that will only come back to hurt Roger,” Felix replied. “Let’s wait for now. If things get drastic, we’ll step in. Until then, all we can do is show him as much love as possible.”

She sighed. “Alright, then. Oh, the poor, poor dear.”

They departed to the kitchen. You and Roger stopped playing the piano and looked at each other. Unbeknownst to your parents, you had both heard what they said.

“Roger,” you said. “I’m sorry.”

“What are you sorry for?” he wondered.

“I’m sorry is what people say to someone when they’re upset,” you said. “So, I’m sorry.”

“Thanks,” he replied. “For the sorry.”

“Wanna learn a real song?” you asked. “Then every time you come over, we can practice it.”

He brightened at that and nodded. Thus began your journey together.

“I see,” Dr. Tracy said as you wrapped up. “And at what point did you two progress from childhood friends to sweethearts?”

“We were fifteen,” you said. “Roger was starting to sort of realize his appeal to girls and that boys were also interested in me. It actually started from a fight because he had asked another girl to a party…”

“I’m not mad!” you insisted, storming through your front door. “You are perfectly welcome to ask whomever you like!”

“Well, something’s wrong because you’ve ignored me all day!” he returned.

“What’s going on out here?” your mother wondered, bursting into the living room.

“Y/N’s upset with me,” Roger blurted out.

“I am not!” you cried, stamping your foot. “Mother, tell him I’m not upset!”

“I think I’d be hard pressed to convince him of it if you can’t,” she teased, nodding at your posture and deep frown. “Now, what’s this all about?”

“I asked Pam Davis to Mary Key’s party, and now Y/N isn’t speaking to me,” he explained.

“Y/N, is that true?” she asked.

You huffed. “I was just under the impression he and I would...never mind, I was clearly mistaken.”

Your face was bright pink and you looked resolutely at the carpet, toeing it with your shoe. Your mother looked knowingly between you and Roger, who looked equally embarrassed.

“Well, I don’t think I can settle this one,” she said. “You two will just have to work it out on your own.”

You turned on your heel and swept into the kitchen. Roger looked at your mother.

“Better go and fix it, Rog,” she said.

“On it,” he sighed, and followed you.

You yanked the fridge open and reached for a Coke. You tugged the cap off and took a swig, letting it cool you down. 

“Y/N, are you upset because you don’t have a date?” Roger asked. “Because I can get you a date. There’s plenty of blokes who’d be glad to take you.”

“I don’t want just any bloke!” you cried, exasperated. “Can’t you see?!”

“Oh, there’s someone you like?” he wondered, perking up. “Tell me!”

“God, you’re such an idiot!”

“Why am I an idiot?!”

“Because you are!”

“Tell me the reason!”

“I like you, you idiot!” you shouted.

You stared at each other, out of breath and both shocked at the words that had just come out of your mouth. You inhaled deeply, collecting yourself.

“I like you, Roger,” you said calmly. “And I don’t know how you don’t know it.”

“Well, Y/N, we…” he trailed off. “We’ve always been best friends. How was I supposed to know things had changed?”

“I dunno,” you said. “I’m just as new to this as you are. But when you asked Pam to be your date, I was hurt. Bad hurt.” 

“Y/N, I had no idea,” he said gently. “I’m sorry. If I had known, I...well, I wouldn’t have asked Pam.”

“Y - you wouldn’t?” you questioned.

He shook his head. “No. The truth is, I was afraid to change things between us because I don’t think I could stand to lose you. But, I like you too.”

“Really?!” you gasped. 

“Really,” he said. 

He stepped closer to you. You observed suddenly that he was much taller than you remembered. You looked up into his eyes. His hand moved to caress your cheek. Your heart pounded in your chest.

“Can I kiss you?” he breathed.

“Yeah,” you sighed back.

He pressed his lips tenderly against yours. It was a little unsteady and light, giving you the opportunity to stop him. You didn’t. You just kept right on kissing him. Your lips moved with his as gracefully as dancers moved through a waltz. Neither of you really knew what you were doing, but you didn’t care. It was the way you showed what you were both feeling.

“Y/N,” said Roger, pulling away for air. “Come with me to Mary’s party. As my girlfriend.”

“O-okay,” you agreed, a smile blooming across your face.

Not only did you just have your first kiss, but you got your first boyfriend. And it was someone you cared for more than anyone else in the world.

“Now, how long was it before the two of you made love?” Dr. Tracy asked.

“Oh, I’m not telling you that!” you returned indignantly. “That’s private!”

“How long?” she insisted.

“Why is that important?” you demanded.

“Your first experience with intimacy can be a contributing factor in issues in new relationships,” she said. “When did you do it and what was it like?”

You briefly imagined yourself opening your mouth and breathing fire onto this woman until she burned to a crisp. You cleared your throat.

“We were seventeen, and it was wonderful,” you said. “Of course it was awkward and unsure since neither of us knew what we were doing, but we eventually got the hang of it and we were happy.”

“So the sex was good?” she asked.

“It was great,” you said.

“How is the sex with Mark?” she went on.

“Oh, come on!” you cried. “He’s right here!”

“Ah, so not good,” she observed.

“That’s not what I said!” you protested.

“Well, if it was good, you would have just said so,” she said. “And your resistance to talking about it in front of him implies that your opinion would insult him. So, I must assume it’s not good sex.”

“Let’s move on,” Mark interjected. “We can have that conversation at another time.”

“Alright,” Dr. Tracy agreed. “Y/N, tell me how things with Roger ended.”

You sighed. “Well, that was tough. I was still in uni. He had already dropped out and was becoming successful with the band…”

Your dingy little London flat reeked with the food you just burned. How your mother managed to make perfect meals, work, and raise a child was beyond you. Your only responsibilities were studying and work, so why was it so difficult to cook? With an aggravated groan, you tossed it in the bin and started debating what you wanted to get for take out. That was when Roger came in.

“Hello, darling!” you greeted warmly. “How’s recording going?”

“Fine,” he said shortly.

You looked him over. He seemed agitated and nervous.

“You alright, Rog?” you asked. 

“I’m fine,” he replied. He scrunched up his nose. “What did you burn this time?”

“Chicken,” you chuckled. “I’m gonna go for some Chinese. Wanna come?”

“Actually, there’s something I wanted to ask you,” he said.

His tone made your heart skip a beat. You had a feeling that Roger might be about to propose. You had discussed marriage before, but you both agreed now wasn’t the time. But you had also told him you were not opposed to a long engagement. 

“What is it?” you wondered.

He sighed heavily and stuffed his hands into his pockets.

“Do you ever feel like you’re missing out?” he wondered. “On other people?”

“How do you mean?” you questioned, brow furrowing as the panic set in.

“Well, it’s just that our whole lives, we’ve only ever been with each other,” he said. “Don’t you ever wonder what it’d be like to...I dunno, kiss someone else?”

“No,” you said. “I love you, Roger.”

“I love you too, Y/N, but I feel like there’s more out there,” he said. “Now that I’ve gone on tour and seen other places I feel like there’s so much to be explored. And...I want to explore it. Don’t you?”

“No,” you repeated, darkly. “I love you, Roger.”

He sighed again. “I love you, Y/N.”

“What are you getting at, then?” you demanded.

“As much as I love you, I don’t want to be tied down anymore,” he said. “I know we’ve discussed getting married, so I’m sorry if this comes as a shock to you, but I’ve been thinking it for a while. The band’s getting bigger, and it’s only going to progress. And I’m not ready to settle down with just one person.”

“So...you want to break up?”

The question hung between you. You weren’t sure how you even managed to ask it with a lump in your throat the size of an ostrich egg. Your heart was cracking inside your chest.

“Yes,” he said.

With that one word, you felt your heart shatter completely. Your whole world was collapsing on top of you. The assurance you had always placed in Roger was an illusion.

“Well,” you choked out. “At least you’re telling me now.”

“That’s all you have to say?” he questioned.

You met his eyes and saw they were just as teary as yours.

“What else can I say?” you returned. “You’ve made up your mind, haven’t you?”

“I have,” he said.

“Well, what do you want me to do?” you questioned. “Beg for you to stay?”

“You don’t want to fight for it?”

“Why should I? If I’m not enough for you, Roger, then that’s it. I won’t guilt you or force you to be with me.”

“I feel like you’re giving up,” he said.

“I’m not the one leaving,” you reminded him.

A moment passed where neither of you said anything. It was so heavy your knees almost buckled beneath the weight of it.

Roger sniffled and quickly wiped his eyes. 

“I don’t even know how to say goodbye to you,” he struggled to say.

“Maybe it’s best if you don’t say anything,” you told him. You felt a tear slide down your cheek. “That way we make it easier on both of us.”

“Y/N…”

“Go, Roger,” you ordered him. 

“Y/N, please.”

“Go.”

He took one last look at you. You were scowling, tears flowing down your cheeks, eyes red and puffy. Even then, he thought you were beautiful and he began to doubt his decision. Suddenly, he realized that he would no longer have his best friend, and it made him hesitate.

“Roger,” you said, drawing in a deep breath. “I really need you to go.”

“Yeah, okay,” he said, resigning himself to the damage done. “I...I am sorry, Y/N.”

“Okay,” you said shortly.

He held your gaze again. Your bottom lip began to tremble as the reality struck you. Roger was leaving you. Roger, who you had given everything too, including your heart, was going to walk out of the door and out of your life. 

He broke away, crossed the room, and opened the door. You heard it squeak as he hesitated again. Then he sighed and left. The door fell closed with a soft click. That was it. No hug, no dramatic kiss, no screaming, no fight. 

When the door closed, you broke down with a wail. This was not the Roger you knew. Ever since the band became successful, you had seen glimpses of his desire for more, but you’d ignored it. You thought surely he loved you more than he craved that lifestyle. And yet, he proved to you he didn’t. It seemed impossible that time moved on when your heart was breaking so badly. If there were any justice, everything would have frozen so you could properly nurse it. But all you could do was crumple into a heap and feel the pain. 

“Life went on,” you said. “He became a successful drummer. I became a successful attorney, and I’m mostly happy.”

It was a lie. Just remembering the day Roger left you made you emotional.

“Mostly?” Dr. Tracy questioned.

“Well, I had hoped to be married and have children at this point, but Rog - I mean, I just never met the right person,” you said.

“Let me ask you this -” she began, but Mark cut across her.

“I think I’ve heard enough,” he said, getting angrily to his feet. “I can see now that you really aren’t over Roger Taylor and I don’t think you ever will be.”

“Mark, don’t be ridiculous,” you said. “Obviously, he was a big part of my life, but I -”

“Don’t, Y/N!” he shouted snatching away the hand you had reached for. “I can’t do this anymore!”

You stood up as well. “What? Are you serious? Just because Roger was part of my past! That’s crazy! I’ve found somebody else, and -”

“No!” he cried. “I’m a placeholder, Y/N, and I won’t stand for it!”

“You are not!” you argued. 

“Okay, then answer me this,” he challenged. “Do you love me?”

“I - well, I don’t know yet!” you insisted.

“Well, I love you,” he said. “And I know that because we’ve been together long enough for anyone else in the world to know! The problem is, Y/N, that love is wasted on you as long as Roger Taylor walks this Earth!”

It was like all the air was sucked out of the room. You felt yourself harden against the hurt of his words. His face fell, regretting them.

“Love is wasted on me?”

“I didn’t mean -”

“No, I think you did, Mark,” you interrupted. “That was the cruelest thing anyone has ever said to me.”

“Y/N -”

“No, I think you’re right,” you said, grabbing your things from the back of your chair. “Let’s say our goodbyes. After all, I wouldn’t want you to waste anymore love on the likes of me.”

You said nothing else, but swept out of the office. Hot tears stung your eyes. You never thought Mark capable of saying something so hurtful. 

As you walked, heading back to your firm, you looked at the ground, deep in thought about what had transpired. You paid little attention to your surroundings, and therefore, ran smack into a man who was emerging from a building you were passing. 

The collision nearly knocked you off your feet, but the man was quick to react and steadied you. You looked up to meet the eyes of the very man that started all this.

“Roger?” you questioned. “What are you doing here?”

“I work here,” he said, pointing to the building he had just walked out of. “This is the studio.”

“Oh,” you said.

You bit your lip to keep your emotions in check. You really needed to cry right now so you were eager to get back to your office.

“Y/N?” Roger asked, noticing your eyes welling up. “Are you okay?”

Too upset to bother with your pride, you shook your head. 

“No.”

“Bad hurt?” he wondered.

You nodded. You weren’t sure if it was that you’d talked about him for an hour or the sting from Mark’s statement, but suddenly you couldn’t contain the overwhelming feelings swirling around in your heart. You let out a sob and fell into Roger’s arms.

[just-anka]

I realised I haven’t really regularly posted here since like... I don’t even know, September? It’s been a while, anyway. A lot happened, and I now feel like actually writing a post for the first time in a while, so here goes haha. The first bullet point is entirely work waffle so feel free to skip. Apologies in advance for the fact that this post will probably reach novel length by the time I’m done. 

• I took a week off in late September before Ben started his new job so we could go to the mountains for a bit, and it was a much-needed little break from work. And pretty much right after I got back, work got completely mental - nothing bad as such, just one thing after the other, loads of deadlines, so many important things. First I was finishing up data for a paper (first authorship was being debated which is partially why I threw myself into the job so much, but it looks like it’ll be the PhD student before me’s now, which is how it should be tbh, it’s much more hers than it is mine), then the date for my first committee meeting was set and I suddenly had only two weeks to prepare (did not think it was going to be that short notice, whoops, had a very stressful two weeks but all went well - for us, this meeting means presenting our research plan and preliminary data to a committee of four professors so they can give you input, it’s not suuuper formal but still pretty stressful), then I had to write the report for that (I love writing so that one was okay), then there was suddenly a lot to do for a really important cooperation with a company (big money responsibility which stressed me the fuck out), and then, just as I thought I was pretty much done for the year, I realised I needed my lab book up to date for my end of year meeting with my PI (which wouldn’t be such a big deal, except I didn’t have a lab book at the time. Never got around to starting one. So nine months of lab book were written within another very stressful week). Whew. Even writing this out makes me feel like that was a lot haha. 

• After the end of year discussion, I really was done for the year - I officially worked until the 23rd but there was not that much actual work happening, and with the pressure off after months, I properly crashed for a few days. Ben left for England on the weekend after to see his family for christmas etc, and I spent most of that weekend sleeping and doing very little. It was needed. Then my mum came to visit me for the holidays and we had four really lovely days together, also involving a lot of chilling (the only actual thing we did was that magical winter hike that I posted some pictures of the other day). 

• And now I’m skiing! I was planning to go to England as well for NYE to see Ben’s family, but with the corona situation escalating again lately I decided it was too risky for just a few days. So I made a last-minute plan to go skiing by myself instead, because all that involves is a 2 hour train journey. I’m actually staying in a hotel too, which I’ve never done by myself before, I’m usually a dorm in a hostel type of person, but well. Covid has changed a lot of things :D trying to stay safe and away from people, which is of course not entirely possible in a ski resort, but it’s going okay. The skiing itself is great, it’s really nice having some time to go at my own pace and a few days in a row. Today was day 4 and I’ve really found my groove again (more on that later). There’s not much snow though so not many off-pisteing opportunities :/ I’m staying until Monday and then it’s back to work on Wednesday. 

• Speaking of skiing, we’ve got season passes this year, my first season and Ben’s second. We’ve just been doing on the weekends so far - since the 21st of November I just realised while looking back in my calendar! That’s one hell of an early season start haha. We did just one day three weekends and then one full weekend right before Ben left. The first few days were bloody hard. For context, I learned to ski before I learned to walk and loved it as a child, then stopped for a few years because I felt like I wasn’t progressing anymore and was getting bored with it, basically. Then last January I went to France with Ben and his skiing friends and got introduced to freeriding and the idea of ski touring, and now I’m back to loving it haha. I’d ideally like to not have to resort ski anymore at one point (meaning touring) because I know it’s terrible from an environmental standpoint but... idk. It’s currently my only option, and I love it a lot, so I guess it feels okay? Anyway, since I learned to ski so early, it’s the one sport that I’ve always been pretty good at and like, never get scared, at least not on piste. Until this year. The first three individual days were just all kind of horrible, the conditions weren’t ideal with very hard surface and tons of ice and pretty busy slopes, and only steep terrain open as well (Engelberg, our “home” resort - we have a season pass that encompasses a bunch of resorts so we’re not limited to one - is literally dead flat beginner’s slopes, which weren’t open in the beginning, or red runs that should be black and black lol). Pairing loads of ice with my old skis which barely have an edge anymore was... not ideal. I was so scared constantly and it made me like I lost all my ability etc etc. But yeah, turns out I just needed a few days and some easier conditions to get back into it, and now ice and steep stuff and everything is fine again. Who would’ve thought. (a sensible person, probably). 

• But then, the full weekend we skied in December was awesome! Saturday already felt much better and then it snowed a bunch over night and Sunday we spent all day powder skiing, basically. I learned SO much and just had an absolute ball! Definitely one of the best days skiing I’ve had, and one of the best days recently in general. 

• Plus that whole weekend was just lovely, car camping in a campsite full of huge campervans was pretty fun :D I love the looks we get when people see the car and clearly wonder where we sleep. And we’ve got our setup perfected for winter now so both the nights were toasty. Friday night we had dinner in “bed” watching a movie, and Saturday night we sat in the little kitchen (the campsite has it open for everyone, but everyone else there has a camper, so it doesn’t seem to be used much) drinking tea and playing cards and ahh. Camping in the mountains. My ideal life eh? (though the weekend before this wonderful one, we got snowed in because it dumped over a metre over night completely unexpectedly and that was stressful as hell, but I think that’s a story for another day, if ever, I’m kind of trying to forget that day :’D) 

• Yesterday I also finally took the plunge and ordered new skis. Been debating for ages which ones to get but I’ve finally decided and I’m now very excited! 

• Ok this post so far reads as “work and skiing” which is pretty much what November and December were and probably what January is going to be too haha. Ben and I want to ski another week together end of January as well, and there’s some big exciting work things coming up as well. 

• Even though I have to admit, now that I’m on a break, I’ve spent a lot of time dreading work and questioning my career choices and all of that lark... sigh. I love my job most of the time, but I kind of hate having a job? If that makes sense? Sometimes (okay a lot of the time) I just wish I had more time for other things that I care about. But I also now I’m lucky to have that job, especially this year, and lucky to have a job I don’t hate, and get to do a lot of fun stuff on the side, even if it often means little sleep and downtime. 

• Speaking of things I care about, I was on a proper roll with writing for a few days before and after Christmas. It’s ebbed off again a bit, but it was still pretty cool, and my totally-useless-all-cheese-project is now 33,000+ words long and like, half-way there story wise. Had a lot of fun with that. 

• Lastly, Ben is still in England, and he’s coming back next Sunday, and I can’t wait! I miss him so much when we’re not together it’s actually silly. Although it’s less stressful this time than the last few times because... we live together, his work just offered him an unlimited contract from January, and I’m stuck here for another 2-3 years, so it looks like we’ll actually get to be in the same place for now. Which is all I wished for last year, and I’m so damn grateful - that stability really is the best thing 2020 has brought for me. And, as he said, even though we were apart for the start of the new year, it will hopefully bring more time together than any previous year ♡

• Okay I think this is long enough now, if you actually made it until here you’re a hero and I will try and post a bit more regularly again now to avoid this size of mind dump :’D I hope you all got into the new year alright, it feels very strange to me that it’s 2021 because I actually slept through midnight on new year’s for the first time since I was tiny haha but I’m sure a lot of people feel the same way! 

[anxiety-and-witchcraft]

A very long description of my OCs and their universe.

I have made the decision to start writing oneshots and short stories as well as prompts now, so woo! And that means…*drumroll* I’m going to be explaining in great detail my OCs and the universe I’ve built around them! Also, I am aware that 90% of OC posts are art, but I cannot draw anything and I don’t have any digital art pad type stuff to do it on anyway so no Imma just write one loooooooooong block of words. I regret nothing, btw. (Rosa and Robin’s descriptions will be the longest, so just try not to fall asleep until you’ve finished reading them?)

Okay, so, my OCs all live in this village out in the English countryside called Thistledoor. It’s like a whole old-timey, chocolate-box-village type deal, minus the school (which is joint secondary and primary) of course. (Americans might want to look up when British kids start school if you guys don’t already know, just to understand Noah’s predicament.)

The whole thing is a sort of monster AU, kinda a Gravity Falls type deal where they’re just things like gnomes and goblins and the occasional horde of brainthristy zombies to deal with.

The Maddoxes live in the middle of the village, while the Lupins’ house is a bit further away along the edge of the woods. Robin and Rosa are my main characters, Rosa lives with her parents, twin brother Gabo, and younger brother Noah, and Robin lives with his mum, his two older siblings Molly and Jack, and younger siblings, the triplets Ethan, Ben and Sirsha (It’s actually spelt Saoirse but Robin’s mum spelt it wrong on the birth certificate), and Starling. Robin’s entire family have faint Irish accents (idk and idc why). Maeve is one of their friends and Gabo’s crush, and Marcus is the school jerk who likes to flirt with Rosa. Now, what the characters are actually like:

 Rosa Lupin (15):

Medium-reddish-brown hair that’s so thick and silky but not that shiny and reaches the middle of her back. It’s always wavy even when she brushes it.

Her skin is quite light, and she cannot tan, she just burns. She has freckles on her nose and her cheeks, but you can’t see them as much in winter. When she smiles… Oh. My. Goodness. Her smile is so beautiful, and her nose scrunches up and it’s just ADORABLE! Her eyes are wide and dark brown, but they get a tiny bit lighter towards her pupils. She also has a little crescent-moon-shaped birth mark just above her collarbone. Gabo has one too. She’s quite tall and kind of slim, but still a bit curvy at the same time.

She always wears oversized jumpers and jeans when it’s cold or t-shirts and shorts in the summer, or occasionally she steals Robin’s jumpers when it gets cold because for some reason his are mostly warmer than hers.

She’s about 5’6.

Her favourite colour is purple, she loves ballet, singing, reading, chemistry, and making up conspiracy theories with Gabo, and she’s quite quiet around most people but a force to be reckoned with when someone makes her mad, mainly by insulting Noah. She and Gabo also get killer migraines and insomnia when they’re stressed. Rosa is also the mum friend of my group of chaotic 15-year-olds and has a thing about loud noise and crowded areas (as in if she stays around them for too long she’ll either freak out or get a migraine or both). Gabo’s similar, but he can just about manage.

Robin is her best friend in the whole world, and they’ve known each other since they were 5. Secretly, they both like each other more than that, but they’re much too shy to tell each other, which obviously leads to their siblings making devious matchmaking plots to get them together. Rosa and Robin then get back at them with their own schemes, mainly with Gabo and Maeve.

 Robin Maddox (15):

His hair is dark brown and so messy it’s unbelievable, and literally impossible to imagine him with tidy hair. Somehow it never gets knotty. Ever.

His eyes are really dark brown and sparkly, kind of like an actual robin’s. He’s a bit tanned and he’s not really muscly but still quite strong. Like seriously, he can carry Rosa when she falls asleep in the middle of doing something or if she gets a migraine.

Lives in red t-shirts and brown jeans rolled up a bit so they don’t get dirty, and literally never wears shoes except at school because Thistledoor is the best village in the area for not littering so there’s nothing to cut his feet on. Some people tease him for it but he just ignores them (or splashes in a big muddy puddle to get water all over them) He does actually own a few jumpers that aren’t red or brown, but they are mostly stolen by Rosa. That’s actually why he has them but shh, no-one needs to know that.

He’s about 5’7, or maybe a bit taller.

Robin’s favourite colour is red, he likes inventing, playing music (he can play about a gazillion instruments) and pretty much just tagging along with whatever mystery hunt Rosa and Gabo have gotten themselves into. He’s very bold, brash and silly, occasionally getting into fights with Marcus before Rosa drags him back to her house by the ear, but he does have a very sensitive, protective side, particularly over Starling, which you will learn why when I get to their mum’s description.

 Gabo Lupin (15):

He’s Rosa’s twin brother, so he basically looks like the boy version of her. His hair is pretty short and neat, and he has a fringe pushed over to the left side of his forehead. He is incredibly short sighted and can see literally nothing without his glasses.

His favourite colour is yellow, he likes reading, poetry/songwriting creating conspiracy theories, and dragging his sister on mystery hunts with him, on most she and Robin end up saving his life when he reads out the words from a cave-wall-painting-crypt-thing to summon the dead. He’s very quiet and intellectual and gets scared easily unless he’s too busy finding stuff out.

 Noah Lupin (4 or 5 depending on when the story takes place):

Noah looks a bit like Gabo, except his hair is much lighter and he doesn’t need glasses. Noah is a rather unusual four year old in the way of his intelligence – he’s got the same IQ as his father, who is a scientist. He didn’t start talking at all until he was about three, but when he did it was in full sentences with none of the normal baby talk, but he doesn’t like to talk around people so most people think he’s just dumb.

 Mrs Maddox (Robin’s mother):

Mrs Maddox is possibly the worst mother in the history of the whole multiverse ever. She’s drunken, angry, neglectful, and doesn’t have a job, leaving supporting the family to the government funding and Molly, who’s 19 and has two part time jobs at the weekends and after school. Mrs Maddox leaves most of her children alone in the physical sense, except Robin and Starling. She hits both of them, usually just a slap across the face or something, always small enough for everyone to just assume that Robin had gotten into a fight or Star had fallen down the stairs, clumsy as she was. Neither of them wanted to correct them otherwise. Rosa, Maeve and Gabo figured it out fairly quickly, though.

 Molly (19), Jack (17), Starling (11) and the triplets (6):

The rest of Robin’s siblings don’t make an enormous appearance in my stories, them being mainly centred around Robin and the Lupins, but I’m going to describe them anyway. Molly’s the oldest, and generally the one taking care of all her siblings. Jack is basically a father figure to his younger siblings, as their dad died when Mrs Maddox was pregnant with Ethan, Ben and Sirsha. Sirsha never learnt to talk. Starling is very clumsy, but other than that she’s just like Robin. They all hate wearing shoes.

 Okay, I think that’s it!

P.S. I’m going to use a tag with my username as a way to get all my stories together, so if you’re reading this in the future and want to read my stories, that’s a quick way to do it without being swamped by reblogs and whump prompts!

[angrylizardjacket]

Yaaasss!!! Jelous Ben was si cuteee and we love a supportive mother, her mom is fantastic and a savage. I hace a question, how did you come up with reader's character in x-men?? I legit googled it as I thought it was a real character, so welk done.

i love her mum so fuckin much, dude, she’s supportive but can still be embarrassing at times. i wrote her, not like my actual mum, but like my dad now that i think about it. dude literally told me over the phone that he’d physically fight people for shittalking me (not just in general, there’s more context, but the point still stands). idk i think it’s disingenuous to not let parental characters have certain flaws, like they’re allowed to be overprotective and spiteful, as well as caring and supportive. i love her too.

oH SHIT DUDE LEMME TALK ABT MY GIRL CASSIDY TEMPLE I LOVE HER SO FUCKING MUCH AND I”VE PUT SO MUCH THOUGHT INTO HER THAT THIS WILL HAVE A READ MORE

so cassidy’s powers are actually based off of an xmen oc i’ve already written 70k about, Aoibheal Cassidy, younger sister of Banshee, Sean Cassidy, and Cassidy Temple’s name is a reference to her, since originally I was going to essentially have Y/N playing Aoibheal (because it’s my fic and i can include an homage to my xmen oc as a treat). the powers themselves are based loosely on Multiple Man from X-Men: The Last Stand, except Cassidy’s clones can’t live a life of their own like his can. In the xmen fic, aoibheal starts off with having unlimited clones, and they can explode because i thought it was neat tbh.

From the original fic, Molotov Heart, chapter 3, rubatosis:

[Context; humans experimenting on mutants between X-Men First Class and X-Men Days Of Future Past have caught Sean and Aoibheal and they experiment on them even though Aoibheal’s powers have not manifested (she is approximately 13) and they kill her brother in front of her]:

Stunned into silence, she can feel something white-hot building inside of her, all the rage and fear and pain becoming almost tangible.

She mutates.

Copies of Aoibheal, clones, appear around them, filling up the space between the now screaming and bewildered 'doctors'. Aoibheal herself doesn't seem to notice the clones, bawling her eyes out, an action the clones themselves are mirroring, and she thinks of nothing but freedom and escape, focusing on the white-hot feeling inside of her until it overwhelmed her. With the force of a bunker-buster bomb, the clones began to combust, began to explode, first a few, and then all at once. Killing the human personel who had kept her hostage, the blast reduced the warehouse to mere cinders, freed Aoibheal and left her clothing in tatters, but she was alive damn it.

The reason Cassidy has a limited number is because i needed a way to have her powered up as a horseman, like a distinct power up, rather than just something unseen like heightened reflexes and strength. 

I would like to point out also, that it’s not stated, but Cassidy’s explosions (NOT AOIBHEAL’s) are never to do with heat, they’re always about force. the explosions themselves are never hot, never have anything to do with fire or anything like that, she builds up force inside of the clones, and lets it tear her apart from the inside out as a wave that destroys the things it comes into contact with.

The scream was originally hereditary, like Banshee, it developed as her secondary mutation.

From the Marvel Wiki:

The Secondary Mutation (or "Second Mutation") is a phenomenon in which an existing mutant undergoes another mutation, gaining additional powers, such as healing, or a change in appearance.

Secondary mutation is noted as the appearance of new powers, or an increase in existing powers.

It was stated by Beast that the secondary mutations usually occurred in the twenties of the subjects, and generally appeared in time of great stress.

From the original fic, chapter 8, nodus tollens:

The appearance of the secondary mutation:

The world falls apart in a blur of movement. The gun goes off just after Raven jumps and makes a break for the window, the bullet curves as she crashes through the glass, following her on the way down. Tackling Erik earns Hank a mean right hook to the jaw, but Aoibheal’s there, looking at Trask like a dear in the headlights, memories whipping through her head like a hurricane - the sick fuck looks pleased to see her – her mouth falls open and she screams. She and the clone scream in tandem, their voices supersonic as the surrounding people clutched their ears for dear life; struggling to keep a hold of the feeling in her chest that caused her to explode, the clone detonates like a firework, scorching the wallpaper while Trask is stumbling to the door. There’s blood leaking from his ears but Aoibheal can’t move, can only scream and relive the memory of her brother’s murder over and over again.

Hank discussing it:

"I've never seen a secondary mutation so vastly different!" No longer blue or furry, [Hank’s] smile is excited as he looks over at her. Sharing the cockpit feels almost familiar by now, with Aoibheal curled up in the passenger seat nursing a glass of water. "It makes sense though, your original mutation – the explosions – would be an extension of your temperature immunity, but your secondary mutation is hereditary."

Cassidy’s scream, however, unlike Banshee’s, only effects things with ears, not inanimate objects like glass. Of course she could learn the right pitch to get glass to shatter like an opera singer, but generally speaking, her scream only effects things that can hear. 

OKAY LETS TALK ABT THE STUFF I FABRICATED FOR THE FIC

oh GOD I WANT TO TALK ABOUT HER RELATIONSHIP WITH MAGNETO

not as in romantic, as in he is literally her character’s main inspiration in the films. i’m literally making a fake trailer right now that’s intercut with moments from his DOFP speech that was broadcast to the whole of america.

i love dofp (possibly to my detriment) but i always thought it was weird that no-one was ever like.... magneto has a point. BECAUSE HE HAS A POINT. he’s speaking directly to disenfranchised and SCARED mutants across the nation, and yet everyone’s heralding Mystique as the new face of mutant kind. YES she made a point, but like.... did no-one vibe with magneto when he promised the destruction of mankind? i would. anyways.

so i thought it would be interesting for this character, Cassidy, to have this hero-worship of Magneto, taking his words to heart like scripture, ultimately making her a foil for Phoenix, Xavier’s protege. 

it’s why i specifically included this:

“You should be,” you hissed, putting your all into the words as you spoke them, and you hear Ben inhale sharply beside you, “we shall inherit the Earth.”

“What follows is a struggle as Cassidy and the figure – revealed to be her clone – proceed to kill the man. When they’re finished, and the man’s dead on the ground, Cassidy straightens her outfit, and we hear –“ as the director reads, Michael begins to slowly clap, “a slow clap, and it’s revealed that Apocalypse, as well as Storm, Angel, and Magneto, had all witnessed the event.”

“We are the future, we are the ones who shall inherit the Earth,” Michael reads as he stops clapping.

“Magneto,” you breathe reverentially, and when you look to him, you and Michael share a sharp smile.

which is a direct quote from magneto’s speech in Days of Future Past:

You built these weapons to destroy us. Why? Because you are afraid of our gifts. Because we are different. Humanity has always feared that which is different. Well, I'm here to tell you, to tell the world, you're right to fear us. We are the future. We are the ones who will inherit this earth, and anyone who stands in our way will suffer the same fate as these men you see before you. Today was meant to be a display of your power. Instead I give you a glimpse of the devastation my race can unleash upon yours. Let this be a warning to the world. And to my mutant brothers and sisters out there, I say this; no more hiding, no more suffering. You have lived in the shadows in shame and fear for too long. Come out, join me. Fight together in the brotherhood of our kind. A new tomorrow, that starts today.

which ALSO is what turns her into the next big villain for the franchise, because she sees Magneto, the man she kind of thinks of like a god, turn on and help kill Apocalypse, the man who claimed to be an actual god, and side with the people who, ultimately, don’t want to destroy the human race like she does, and also killed the man she loved. she takes Magneto’s ideologies and turns them up to 11. he fucks off to create a mutant paradise away from prying eyes and is happy, she won’t be happy until all humans are punished.

it’s why, in the beginning, she and raven can’t still work together, because raven wants to rescue mutants, but not at the expense of unnecessary human lives, and cassidy sees all humans as complicit in the torture, and therefore deserving of punishment. 

she has deemed herself judge, jury, and executioner of human kind, and they have all been found guilty.

i’m so excited to see if i get around to writing some of the next film because i really want to explore the dichotomy of Xavier’s ‘no-one is ever really gone/there’s always hope’ and magneto’s ‘you were right to be afraid of us, we are the ones who shall inherit the earth’. Everyone has given up on Cassidy in one way or another, whether it be by betrayal or death, and so when she finds this symbiote who literally becomes a part of her, makes her stronger, and is happy to kill people with little regard for who they are, she’ll take it. 

EDIT: here’s the first 26 seconds of the fake trailer (Y/N here is played by Jurnee Smollett, aka Black Canary from Birds of Prey)

ANGEL & RIOT

i wanted y/n to kiss ben hardy that’s literally it. 

actually no that’s not it 100%, i think it’s super amusing in a kind of bleak way that he got fridged for her, like his death, both in the “””comics””” (as in the comic universe for the fics) and in the film, causes her to seek out a force that would help bring him back to life. in the “””comics””” she originally seeks out a mutant, but when the mutant who can bring people back refuses to help her, she’s told of experiments at The Life Foundation, who are working on engineering the next step in human evolution, and she’s thinking that they’re experimenting on mutants again, like trask, and goes in guns blazing, but instead finds symbiotes. she bonds with a symbiote, thus becoming Riot Control, and the symbiote initially promises her all these things, including being able to find a way to ressurect angel, but eventually (in the “””comics”””) the power he gives her overtakes her need to ressurect her love, and riot ends up using her to try and build a ship to bring more symbiotes to take over earth.

IN THE FILM

okay OKAY okay OKAY so she’s looking for a way to ressurect angel at first, but riot’s in her ear while he’s seeing all her memories, and is convincing her to get revenge on the people who are responsible for his death (nightcrawler, jean, and Magneto specifically) so its not that the xmen are just in the plot by happenstance there’s like actual beef, love it. 

I also love that Cassidy’s powers are handicapped when she’s got Riot, since her scream would injure or even possibly kill him. Yes i specifically paired her with a symbiote for that reason, which is also the reason why her clone explosions aren’t heat based. 

but anyway, can i spoil the ending? i wanna spoil the ending;

so there’s this big showdown between riot control and the xmen, and jean confronts cassidy, trying to talk her down like ‘what would angel think if he saw you? What you’ve become?’ and Cassidy’s furious, thinking that jean’s trying to guilt her, like, angel would be so ashamed

“Keep his name out of your fucking mouth, you have no idea what he’d think-”

“He’d be terrified of you.” And it’s so fucking like, cruel and cold coming from Jean.

“Shut up.”

“You have become a monster; you have maimed your idol-” [we cut to a shot of magneto looking all fucked up and bloody, watching with anger in his eyes] “and you have left Angel for dead. If you’d really cared about him, you would have already gotten him back. Instead, you come for revenge against the people who could have helped you -”

or something like that, and riot control has a whole breakdown, lashing out, snarling that no-one could help her, and when they tried, they ended up dead (angel, apocalypse) and she starts losing control, and her voice starts to distort in and out of riot’s, making it clear he’s taking control of her completely. 

there’s this big, final fight, which culminates with jean grabbing cassidy’s face and trying to burn riot out of her.

“No-one is beyond help.” And Jean’s like, got tears in her eyes, desperate to save this girl who’s caused so much pain, but who sees herself as so wretched and beyond help, and we see the symbiote burning away and screaming, but also the physical signs of cassidy’s mutation as like, peeling away in embers, like the black scales around her eyes, and the way her whole eyes are seen as black is now clearing away, and she takes both of Jean’s hands and forces her to keep holding on, to keep looking in her natural fucking eyes for the first and last time as she burns out too.

“You can’t save everyone.” and then Cassidy’s just ash in the wind.

also this ending, in a meta-sense, makes sense, because after this Disney buys Fox and there’s no more this-universe X-Men films, so they had to do a self-contained story, there couldn’t be things left super unresolved.

OR maybe she’s fine, maybe she gets saved and riot burns out of her (spoilers, he fucks off and doesn’t die, hence, Venom (2018); it takes him about 20 years to recuperate) i haven’t decided.

[department-shoe-stud]

Okay, so, the cult leader over on kyrilhphm got me thinking about an opposite AU Talbot, and I need to know your thots. Flipped!Talbot: a sheltered, happy-go-lucky (airhead) boy with two very alive parents, and a minor phobia of birds.

Soup, “minor phobia of birds” is seNDING ME-

In Game Canon:

- Imagine Penny and a super happy and innocent Talbott. The tooth rotting FLUFF of that friendship is heartwarming.

- Ben “Phobia of everything” and Talbott “Phobia of birds” would be such a nervous wreck duo, I love it.

- Super Sweet and Super Positive Talbott just geeking out over Badeaa’s art is just making me smile, imagine how much he would go off excitedly about all of the little details and how happy it would make her and UGH-

- Talbott already thinks so much of his parents, imagine how much he would talk about them if they were still ALIVE, “Yeah, Mum got me this cool new deck, isn’t she amazing?”, “Dad and I went out and got ice cream because he knew I wasn’t feeling great, he’s just the best.” Just UGH, GIVE TALBOTT A LOVING FOUND FAMILY JC, I’M BEGGING YOU

- Would Talbott still be an animagus in this AU? If so, would he still be a bird? Would that be too cruel a fate for him? Personally, I think it would be hysterical for such a sheltered kid to have his first real struggle be ‘Yes I can change into an animal, No I REFUSE to.’

- IDK if he would still want to be an Auror if he’s more adorably bubbly, so he might take after his mother and become a Herbologist or something equally adorable.

In My Canon:

- Annie having such a pure friend with such a dumb fear would be s t o k e d. She would ADORE him. “Don’t worry friendo, I will protect you from the tiny sparrow that landed thirty meters away from us.”

- That being said, if Talbott really was that airheaded and out of it, Annie would absolutely not be in a relationship with him. She needs someone grounded and more mature, however ironic that may be with Talbott’s bird status, and if he doesn’t have that quality about him, Annie wouldn’t be as attracted to him. RIP their marriage but :/

- I think he would be terrific friends with the rest of the squad, because they would all look at him, his sunshine innocent smile, and immediately go ‘P R O T E C C’

- I think that, if he were to come across the children of Annie and whomever she might be with instead, he would probably be like, “!!! Annie’s kids! Merlin’s beard, your mother was so nice, I love you guys already.” And Chip would give Minnie a look and just be like, “Alright, cool. Feel like helping me out in committing a crime?” Because Chip would go feral without a father to stop his mother’s influence.

In conclusion: An equally blessed and cursed AU. Talbott deserves happiness, and if JC won’t give it to him, I WILL.

[sunshinse-rainbows17]

⚠️ Spoilers! ⚠️

Writing my thoughts on TUA S2 Ep3:

I love Klaus, he’s great. Like he’s one of those characters that would make your life interesting.

Ugh I love this song, imma just jam ya know

🎶 Sunny one so true, I love you🎶

The one main thing I love about the umbrella academy is the music! They put great songs into it

Lowkey disappointed that there is no MCR but oh well

I actually feel sorry for Ben for having to put up with Klaus 😂

I don’t blame people for worshipping Klaus, if he was a leader of a cult I’d join it so darn quickly.

Nope, can’t do with blood. Nope bleugh

I love Diego. And I just want to give him hugs and stuff

Like he just needs constant reassurance. I don’t think he knows it though which is sad

I don’t know what to make of Lila, she seems great but so suspicious I dunno 😂

Not Vanya! SHE’S TOO SMOL!! PROTECT DA SMOL BEAN

I get that the cornfield was nearby but surely Vanya would’ve seen enough horror films to know not to go into one.

WHAT THE FUCK!!! YAS QUEEN!

That was epic....I love Vanya’s powers...

Damn right the end is nigh!

BAHAHAHA! I love the word dipshit, I use it all the time, it just sounds so hostile yet not.

The ikea Mafia....I love it 😂

I would die for Allison, she’s perfect.

And I’m loving her outfits and hairstyle

Awwww I love that she ran in the water to get to him 🥺

I don’t like the handlers hair, I’m just not vibing with it ya know

What in tarnation indeed!!

Oh please say this is Klaus and Ben!!!!

YES! The dream team 🥰

Anything is weird with Klaus around tbf...

That was the vaguest explanation ever, like if you’re telling that to someone who has lost their memory you just wouldn’t explain it like that.

No Five. Don’t lie. It won’t end well and you know it!

Nooo don’t scratch the record! Gahh

I feel sorry for both Harlan and Sissy. I just want Harlan to be able to talk and everything.

Five is just a little bitch at times and it’s lowkey annoying

Idk I think any friend to Vanya is more important

Nope I like Lila. She’s funny

I actually think this is one of the few American shows I’ve seen with a british character who isn’t stereotypically posh and I Stan.

This might be a mix of me gatekeeping my love for Diego and loving his relationship with Eudora but I don’t want Diego and Lila to get together...I just can’t see it..

Clearly I spoke too soon...nope. Don’t like it

Don’t get me wrong, I’m liking Lila’s character but we’re only in the third episode. And I know that they’ve known each other for like a year or two....but no.

That’s probably just me though.

Awwww noooo Luther. I hated the sibling relationship he had with Allison and I just don’t like Luther but he doesn’t need his heart breaking 🥺

Luther stuffing his face is a mood.

Allison being a badass and standing up for herself and others is something I live for.

This. This scene where they’re all coming into the cafe? Fucking iconic!

Ben: “Don’t do anything dumb!” Klaus: *Does something dumb.* I STAN

Oh my...Dave...my heart!

Like Vanya, we must protect Klaus.

I love him🥺

Klaus has some of the best one liners along with Five.

Isn’t Luther meant to have super strength? Like why isn’t he beating the crap outta these guys?

I think anyone that does wrestling is just on some sort of death wish.

That one lady in the back is out of time with all the bitchy white people, like she’s not even trying to say ‘get out’ with the others.

I’m not going to lie. I’m crying at this scene, it’s just so powerful and horrible.

Noooo don’t hurt Ray!

This has gone dramatically downhill and I’m remembering now how amazing this show is. It’s got the right amount of everything.

Third episode in and I’m already crying because of the moon and the shitty, unacceptable way the whites treated POC back then.

Nope, still don’t like Lila and Diegos relationship. I’m bitter.

Gahhh that guy in the pet store looks like stingy from Lazytown 😂

I love Lila’s outfit, it’s cute.

Lila flopping on the bed is a mood.

GET THE FUCK OUT!!! LILA’S MUM IS THE HANDLER. Nooooooo

No

Noooo.

Five minutes later and I’m still in shock...

[theniftycat]

1. 3. 5. 7. 17

1. who is your celebrity crush?

see, everyone expects to catch me crushing on Ben Willbond, but you won’t see it!!! the thing is that I have this great habit of seeing somebody with a glorious moustache being a gay and a nerd and going “me.” even though I don’t have a moustache myself, somewhere deep inside it’s always in my heart.

yeah, I’ve already answered the question and said I don’t have a crush. but I astral project onto the Captain every day of the week.

3. rant. just do it.

idk, mate, I’m just having such a week. uneventful as it goes, but so long and weird and packed with stuff.

my brother left last Friday and this Wednesday my mum went on her 2 week hospital shift. I live just with my dad, our dog and my cat. and my dad is chill, but he constantly needs approval and feedback. he hates using tthe dishwasher and then complains about having to wash the dishes. or like, he makes a big deal out of laundry. it’s all not a major issue, but it is what it is.

on like Tuesday or whatever I got a letter telling me I didn’t get the job I applied for in early September. they loved my interview and the finished test task I did, but then they didn’t want to hire me for the full time job (I guess, because I’m disabled) and told me to wait. And I waited for almost two months to get a no. it actually didn’t bother me that much, but today my brother told me that I should apply for another vacancy. I won’t and I don’t want to atm as I am at a pretty good place mentally and activities-wise, but it did get to me in a way. hell yeah, being the all-As aspirational sibling at school sucks. because now I’m just a failure in his eyes. after a while people will get used to seeing me as a stay-in-home weirdo, I hope.

now, none of these things are bad, it’s just life. but at the same time my feelings aren’t invalid or anything. I just needed to type it all out, I guess.

5. how many accounts do you have?

on tumblr it’s 8. I used some of them for rps, others were supposed to be side blogs, but I’m not good at maintaining them, lol.

17. google the top song from the year you were born

Wikipedia says:

The three longest running number-one singles of 1990 are "Nothing Compares 2 U" by Sinéad O'Connor, "Vision of Love" by Mariah Carey, and "Because I Love You (The Postman Song)" by Stevie B, which each attained four weeks at the top of the chart.

and it’s pretty rad. all of them are sad af, lol. the only one I’d heard before is Nothing Compares 2 U. I used to be a huge Sinead O’Connor fan 10 years ago and I still love her.

[laminy]

Idk if it’s appropriate so sorry if it’s not you don’t have to write it but maybe a cute snippet of them all doing a Group FaceTime while quarantine is happening? I feel like this is very realistic of them to do irl 😂 (not ITBASM obviously)

“Hey, Gwil— how’s that yoga going?” 

“Brilliant, thanks,” Gwil says, and he’s fixing his hair in the camera, making Ben laugh.

“You’re pretty enough already, Gwil, give it up.”

Gwil drops his hand, smiling. “Well, I haven’t left the house in almost a week, so I just wanted to make sure I look alright for my best blokes.”

“I haven’t left the house in three months,” Joe says. “But that’s not related to the pandemic. I’m just lazy.”

Rami laughs. “You were just in Oklahoma!”

Joe shrugs. “All the sets were inside.”

“Oh, whatever,” Rami says, shaking his head.

“Your mum seems to be doing alright, Joe,” Ben says, taking a sip of his coffee. “Bendy.”

“Hey!” Joe says, looking at Ben on his screen, and Ben starts to laugh. “That’s my mom you’re talking about.”

“He’s not wrong,” Gwil says, smirking a bit.

“Hey!” Joe says again, and the other three laugh. “You guys are killing me. But also, thank you for looking at my mom’s Instagram, she’ll be so happy.”

“It’s a lot better than yours,” Ben says.

Rami shrugs. “I deleted the app from my phone,” he says. “Sorry. But I love Ginnie, so I’m sure it’s great.”

“So how was Oklahoma?” Gwil asks.

“Great,” Joe says, “yeah. We only have a week left of filming, so, fingers crossed! But yeah, really nice people. Fun.”

“Not very many dinosaurs in Oklahoma, though,” Ben says. “Or, maybe there are, I don’t know. Never been.”

“Ha ha,” Joe says flatly, and Ben grins.

“Is anybody else going absolutely mad?” Gwil asks.

“God yes,” Rami says, reaching up, ruffling his hair.

“I think I’ve started arguing with my lamp,” Joe says.

“Has it started arguing back?” Ben asks, and Joe smiles. “That’s the sign, you know.”

“Oh!” Rami says suddenly. “Gwil.”

“Yes,” Gwil says, “that’s me.”

“I saw the trailer for The Great! It looks fantastic.”

“Oh yeah,” Joe nods, “I saw that too. I laughed.”

“I think you were in one shot, weren’t you, Gwil?” Ben asks, and then he laughs loudly when Gwil gives him in the finger.

“Just wait,” Gwil says.

“I can’t wait to see the scene where you wore those underwear,” Joe says, playfully waggling his eyebrows, and Gwil laughs, rolling his eyes.

“Yes, that was a lovely day of filming,” Gwil says. “Laugh it up.”

“Oh, we will,” Joe says. “Maybe I’ll livestream my reaction to that episode.”

“Oh, whatever,” Gwil says. “Ben’s got a bloody porno coming out this year!”

“Hey!” Ben protests, coffee dribbling down his chin, and the other three all laugh loudly.

[pantsaretherealheroes]

Tagged in this quarantine quiz by @village-skeptic

Are you staying home from work/school?

Working from home, which is interesting, but grateful to be able to!!

If you’re staying home, who’s with you?

No one, because my roommate kind of semi-moved out while i was still working and i think she feared me catching something from The Public, and now she’s distancing at her bf and his parents’ place

Are you a homebody?

kind of? i mean not being able to Go Out and Do Things has kind of taken the shine of staying in, and i now am crazy missing doing things with people, but some weekends i like just staying in and doing my own things :)

What movies have you watched recently?

The Florida Project - amazing, I cried, seriously it’s so worth the watch (also check out Tangerine, also by Sean Baker, also a lot)

Fast Colour (pretty great!! heart-based sci fi about matrilineally passed supernatural powers and three generations of black women who have them!! the cast was top notch!!)

The Invisible Man - a bitch was SO STRESSED watching this and even though it’s well made and INSANELY well acted, the script is definitely very holey and tbh i don’t feel like i really got much out of the experience other than feeling gaslit for two hours? Oh and Aldis Hodge’s arms. That was pretty good. Just look that up rather than watching this.

Love, Wedding, Repeat - i have watched some netflix trash in my time but jesus christ this one is bad and not fun bad, like, wastes what could be a fun groundhog day/about time kind of premise and also AISLING BEA who is TOO GOOD for it.

also I rewatched God’s Own Country, it’s very slow but ugh when it gets going the tenderness? the ending?? the aesthetic of a burly, bearded man carrying a tiny lamb he helped survive being birthed around in his jacket next to a campfire?? truly amazing

Show?

Tiger King (fascinating but DEEPLY depressing, god) 

Dispatches From Elsewhere (i deeply love it, it’s like one part wonder and whimsy, one part you’re going to cry because there are a lot of different and relatable lonelinesses in it, one of the main characters is a beautiful and amazing trans girl (played by a trans actress, can you imagine??) and she has a really sweet love interest-story with Jason Segel, also has Sally Fucking Field and Andre Benjamin and Richard E Grant, it’s just real good my dudes)

also been tragically watching a lot of Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist, which I started honestly, thought it was dumb but kept watching and now i’m invested so i guess i really played myself there

An event that was cancelled that you were looking forward to?

nothing specifically, but a while back my mum and I were planning to go to the Edinburgh Writers Fest this year, and then we decided it was too expensive/too soon and then it got cancelled along with everything else, so, glad we didn’t do that - but she’s in another state and the borders are closed so i can’t even make plans to see her at home now, which is kind of a huge bummer

What music are you listening to?

I’ve been listening to a lot of random spotify suggested music 

recently i’ve listened to “Army” by Ben Folds Five a LOT while i’ve been working from home and idk what it is i think it’s the horn section i’m just listening to it a lot

Also: Man on the Moon - Zella Day; Hard to be the Bard - Christian Borle, Something Rotten cast; Vertigo - Khalid; Fortunate Son - Creedence Clearwater Revival; Do I Ever - Kensington; Strawberry Blond - Mitski; Love On The Brain (Both the original Rihanna and the Cold War Kids/Bishop Briggs cover)

What are you reading?

Not reading much right now it’s like writing and nintendo switch and going through my movies list for my free time rn (i also think not commuting to work every day has had this effect too!) 

I think the last book I read was Casey McQuiston’s Red, White and Royal Blue and it was very cute and easy to read (i also have a sneaking suspicion i used to follow her on here way back when? if so, very happy for her!) 

What are you doing for self care?

Nintendo Switch.

No but like, seeing my family who live nearby even if i can’t see my friends, watching movies on my list, taking up knitting again, writing, making 1000 cups of tea a day etc etc and trying to look nice for myself at least, and going on walks after work are all helping!

Anyone who feels like doing this one…consider yourself tagged!

[underwaterwoods]

so i saw the star war

spoilers ahoy

i guess this is just gonna be random bullet points

* i actually feel pretty chill about it. yay for being spoiled. also like.... if you ignore the ridiculous stuff there’s actually a lot to have fun with in this one. i don’t know how i’ll feel about it once i’ve processed it more. i just know i had fun while watching it, which i know isn’t true for everybody. i totally understand the negativity - it all makes sense to me. i’m just glad i sort of.... FORCED myself to have enough distance to just go in like ‘i’M PrepArED fOr wHAtEveR’

*i did like all the jumping around between locations in the first half and how ben would show up everywhere rey was. what a ‘you’re everywhere i go’ pairing. /chef’s kiss/. also having the different locations gives a sense of spaciousness (even if it’s all happening over a short period of time) which i missed in tlj.

*one of the things that gave me the most joy as the hux thing ??? X’’’D it was EXACTLY like that ‘the farce awakens’ ep where hux LITERALLY JOINS THE RESISTANCE cuz he can’t stand kylo. like what kind of fanfic...... how do the hux fans out there feel? (i really love the hux fans they’re a great bunch XD). shame that he was gone right after though.

* i actually enjoyed the trio dynamic? like i get the desire to move away from ‘trio mentality’ but the rey/poe tension with finn as mediator was fun. and finn and poe as joint generals? adorable. shame that the whole finn/poe thing got a bit clouded by.... stormpilot baiting and rose erasure and all the things... Also i’m not anti any character - i like zorii - but.... let poe stay a gay icon? i guess he can still be a queer icon it’s all good i’m down for whatever.

*speaking of finn.... loved seeing more of his humour back. didn’t love that there was no unpacking of how he feels taking out stormtroopers. but loved the found family of jannah and the other ex-stormtroopers. i feel like that gave SOME resolution/depth to finn’s origins. and finn being a non force user but seemingly super attuned to the force and its ways? i can roll with that.

*more speaking of finn... i wonder what they were doing with the ‘thing he wants to tell rey that he never gets to tell rey’. seems like an obvious ‘i love you’ thing. but at the same time we got reylo (/basks in that for a second/). it feels to me like throwing a bone to the finnrey people? like they didn’t get it in this movie but it could be a thing in the future? regaurdless, i did like how finn and rey were very connected and back to that loving friendship they had in tfa. we never quite got the ‘you have a force bond with the supreme leader?!!’ conversation but we got.... SOME conversation.

* speaking of the supreme leader... kinda love that we got renperor AND ben solo TM. i prefer to view ben more holistically (he is both ‘ben’ and ‘kylo’) but i get that making them two distinct identities was a helpful shortcut of sorts. he could ‘kill’ kylo and switch to being ben in a single scene. i always prefer Soft Boi Ben but if we were gonna get Bad Boy Kylo i’m glad they established it right out the gate. it was like ok, this is what to expect; this is where we’re at with this character. 

*ben with his costume change at the end....... omg. gave me BIG smuggler!Ben vibes. urgh, give me all the AUs. ben deserves more.

*the amount of swagger when he was fighting the KOR

*idk i feel like i’m not even touching on the big stuff. this was just a ‘get all my side thoughts out of my system’ post.

*adam’s smile after the kiss though......... ...  /the most beautiful thing in this world/

*truly iconic that people were right about the strategic, covert introduction of force healing via baby yoda like one month before tros.

*oh yeah it was wILD that so much of the imagery from the trailers/tv spots etc was in like the first five mintues of the movie ??? i totally assumed the ‘i have been every voice you’ve ever heard inside your head’ moment would be climactic rather than right up front

*oh yeah the vader mask.... that didn’t really mean anything in the end then did it?

* re: ben’s death. maybe it’s because i was braced for it but in some ways it’s the best way he could have gone. he was definitely happy and reunited with the light - both through love of rey and of his family. hIGHKey could have done with ben’s force ghost also appearing at the end? the only good thing about not seeing it is.... LF deciding to retcon his death ? ??XD obs they’re not gonna but if you want a crackpot silver lining there it is.

*what exactly does rey’s future look like, may i ask?

* oh yeah, Passing The Saber Through The Force. maybe my favourite moment. the force bond as a bare concept is so romantic to me i would watch a whole trilogy just exploring the magic system of that - it’s limitations and possibilities. 

* i do like that jj developed the visual style of the bond. we got to see them occupying the same space, the way each of them would be seeing the other (’can you see my surroundings, i can’t see yours, just you’)

*i miss that rian johnson sound editing on the bond though..... god, the iNTIMACY of the tlj bond scenes....

*’i DID want to take your hand’

*also just the word choice of ‘take your hand’/ ‘i offered you my hand’. it’s extremely marriage.

*there was also a moment in the hanger when ben was like ‘we’re one’ basically? he was saying it in the context of rey’s lineage but still...............the validation. one soul. 

*palps was like ‘you live and die together’ which made me REALLY think of skytalkers podcast. obviously assumed they would both have to LIVE together but.... /deep sigh/

*blah this could go on forever i’ll add more later

edit #1:

* OH YEAH! reverse anidala was such a thing! why did it have to be SO reverse anidala though? X’D instead of taking her life, he gives her his own. (i know it’s not clear anakin totally killed padme etc etc but ya feel me)

* ok i hate that ben died obvs obvs but, taking that for what it is, it was very romeo and juliet. i kinda love just the imagery of it. like... the physical blocking/choreography of adam getting daisy into his arms, holding her, then he falls and it’s her holding him. the way she catches his neck. really reminded me of the smoothness of the bridal carry. and rey’s flexed foot in that moment of shock. love the body language. back to that kind of ‘’staccato’’ rey of tfa days.

edit #2:

*lololol @ LF trying to establish how ‘bad’ kylo is by having him kill a bunch of people in the beginning. it was just.... Hot.

edit #3:

* rose deserves better. obviously. she looked so good though. i like that she had some moments with connix too. 

* ben called han ‘dad’......

*ben standing there, overlooking the waves, with his leG EXTENDED BEFORE HIM. wanderer above a sea of fog. wanderer above a sea of foggg.

* rey having compassion for the snake thing. we been knew. kinda nice to have it in there. obviously good set up for ~later force healing shenanigans~

* OH YEAH OH YEAH. i kept thinking about atla. i know people have been making comparisons to it from the start and i’ve been DEEPLY INTO those comparisons. but it was truly a blessing for me to remember.... there is a version of this out there that you love and that is Good Content TM. legit i can just go watch atla again to heal from this. omg yeah cuz REY HEALING HIS WOUND ALSO HEALED HIS SCAR. very crystal cave.......... nah but nah but - the ‘you are every jedi’ was EXTREMELY avatar-esk..... like, engage avatar state. i don’t like how it ended up being the same old conflict between jedi and sith - ‘good’ and ‘bad’ - OBVIOUSLY THE POINT IS TO INTEGRATE THE CONFLICTING PARTS OF SELF; THE SHADOW SIDE; TO TRANSCEND OLD DICHOTOMIES - but i did love hearing all the voices from past jedi. that’s some good ‘the ancestors are with you’ shit.

edit #4:

* i think the first thing we hear rey say is ‘be with me’? ngl i was like ‘pls be invoking the force bond’ X’D i am a clown. that was a beautiful shot though. and love that a version of the bond kicked in like two seconds after that. 

edit #5:

*there’s that bit where reylo are fighting on the death star ruins and he’s winning and rey kinda falls to her knees panting and lowkey defeated and, not to be a shallow bitch but..... it was Hot.

*also dark rey......... was HOT. SHE WAS SO KIRA, WHATEVER THE FUCK THAT MEANS, AND I WAS INTO IT LIKE HNGGGG

*obvs i wanted rey to be truly no one. but casting jodie comer as rey’s mum ? ????? urgh, pefection, i love it.

*palps was so random i stg..... his plan was.... convoluted to say the least. 

*also who was under all those hoods?

*the KOR just kinda... being around again was hilarious. no explaination required. the boys are back in town. ben facing them without a mask and essentially wearing his pjs? loved it. 

edit #6:

*seriously though ben’s redemption outfit.............. /heart eyes emoji into the sunset/.......... you can see his collar bone.............. /cares about the important things/.................

edit #7:

*one thing i loved about the reylo was how Space Wizards TM they both were in this movie. it so highlights their connection by making it clear that they are each other’s only peer. i thought it would be a thing of ‘why is the supreme leader constantly interacting with/going after this girl?’ but it’s not because it’s so clear that they are the only two people on each others’ level. no one would dare question the fact that they’re constantly circling each other in a lustful murderous rage.

[sunsetsover]

i’ve seen a lot of people trying to come up with theories based on the trailer (myself included) so here are some things for your consideration that you may not have noticed (and also my take on it all):

the scene with bianca where she says ‘have we all not got a wedding to go to’, they’re stood outside a police station. looks to me like bianca had been in there and has just come out - maybe she’d been arrested and just got bail, or something had happened that warranted her going there and making a statement or something - and kat had found her/gone to get her, hence why there are spoilers about bianca going awol on the wedding day. also whitney is in her full wedding gear, meaning it a) must be pretty late in the day that they finally find bianca and b) whit must have been pretty worried to just rush off down the police station in her wedding dress. also! callum is there in that scene! they tried to hide him but his head pops into screen for like a second, and it looks like he’s in his suit too. did they rush from the registry office/church/wherever they’re getting married to the police station for bianca? did something bad happen? idk! but maybe that might explain why whitney looks so unhappy walking down the aisle - like if something serious happens the morning of her wedding, maybe she’s just straight up shaken? who knows! not me!

this is a big one for me but it also could just be me completely over analysing this for no reason: people are talking a lot about how they think the wedding must go ahead without a hitch because ben is drinking by himself in e20, which is fair enough. but if you look, there’s only a beer bottle in front of him. which normally wouldn’t be something of note, but hasn’t it been established by now that ben is more of a hard liqour drinker, especially when he’s having a hard time and wants to get shitfaced? look at the housewarming - he was drinking vodka straight from the bottle. look at the scene just the other day when he was in the pub w mitch and mick - he was drinking what looked like whiskey, and was still drinking whiskey when he brought jay a pint later in the ep. the scene at e20 with the big pinas? others i’m probably forgetting? so like my point is, if he was cut up about the wedding and wanted to get drunk to drown his sorrows, why would he just be drinking beer? why not choose something harder, that’s gonna get him drunk quicker, and that’s something he’s been known to? it makes me inclined to believe that that scene doesn’t have anything directly to do w the wedding, or even that maybe the beer isn’t his. maybe he’d been expecting keanu, maybe he figures out a way to get in touch w him and somehow convinces him to go to the club. i can practically hear the ben being all butter wouldn’t melt, ‘i bought you a beer. let’s sit and have a chat yeah?’ already lmao

(this makes even more sense in the context of lisa’s ‘he’s being set up and i need help getting 'em out the country’ - like they’ve set this up already w the ‘mother’s always know’ thing. ben already p much knows louise might go to her mum, and why wouldn’t she tell her mum the truth? that the father of her baby is being set up? and why wouldn’t lisa help them get out of the country? so it’d make sense for keanu and louise to be back around, and it’s not out of the realm of possibility that ben would figure it out and find a way of getting at keanu)

(i’ve also thought that maybe this scene isn’t after the wedding, but before or maybe even during it, but then i thought well, i doubt there’s any way ben would be at the wedding if he knows louise and keanu are back on the square. but then i thought, apart from being in a suit, there’s no proof he’s actually at the wedding is there? he intended to go, but caught wind of louise and keanu being back and didn’t. maybe that’s why he and callum were hugging - maybe he went to go see him so he could be like ‘i’m sorry but something’s come up’, catches callum in a state and offers him some comfort? or maybe it’s more of a ‘good luck, you’re gonna need it’ type thing? again, who tf knows!! not me!)

if the editing from the ’i’ll sort this’/car scene in the last trailer has taught us anything, it’s that stuart’s ‘whitney loves ya’ and callum’s ‘stop trying to kid me into thinking everything is gonna be alright’ are most likely from 2 different conversations. tbh i doubt callum is even talking to stuart when he says that. i kind of have this gut feeling that he’s talking to ben, but  i have no basis for thinking whatsoever, so. make of that what you will lmao

in the hug scene, i’m like 90% sure ben’s jacket is on the bed, almost like maybe it’s been taken off and thrown on there? or like ben had been carrying it with him instead of wearing it, walked into the bedroom, seen what a state callum is in (lots of people have pointed this out already but callum is drinking like straight whiskey!! and judging by the light outside it seems fairly early in the day, which is... not a great sign) and thrown it on the bed to hug him? idk? it’s just a little thing but it feels so significant for some reason. 

also (and this is absolutely someone else’s idea but i can’t find the post anymore so if it was your idea please lmk so i can credit you!!) ben seems overdressed to just be a wedding guest. he’s dressed more like a member of the wedding party. so maybe for some reason (probably because of his anxiety) mick can’t be best man anymore and he asks ben to fill in? but idk, i’m back and forth on this one. on one hand it would explain why ben’s dressed like that and why he’s in the flat, on the other it would be a wild -and frankly, a pretty fuckin stupid - choice for callum to go with if mick were to pull out, and it just seems more likely that ben is just overdressed because that’s who he is. we all know if he was a woman he would have turned up to that wedding in a white gown because he’s That Bitch and he knows it. but who the fuck knows. this is eastenders. things don’t need to make sense!

anyway, i hope i could point some stuff out that maybe you hadn’t noticed or considered! to be perfectly honest i’m not any closer to having any answers or coming up with a theory because things like trailers and spoilers are all meant to be misleading. plus a lot gets completely omitted or embargoed, so we’re all just kind of playing connect the dots but the dots aren’t numbered and we don’t know what the picture is supposed to be in the end so it all ends up being scribbles on a page lmao