#idk if i articulated my thought well enough

[justaz]

thinking about klance.

keith who is always left behind and abandoned, either voluntarily or not. keith who has trouble trusting people and talking to people and getting along with people and-…keith having trouble with people in general. keith who is used to fending for himself and not relying on anyone bc the two (2) times he’s done that, his parents and shiro (died, left, disappeared), didn’t end well. keith who despite finding shiro again couldn’t help the gap forming between them as his brain and heart insist that something will happen again and shiro being here isn’t permanent. keith being proven right in season 2/3 and being left alone again.

lance who is SO trusting that he comes across as a bit naive. lance who worked hard to get where he is, who studied and practiced day and night to be at the top of the class. lance who always fell short and just missed the cut and ended up a cargo pilot. lance who only excelled once keith was gone but was stuck living in his shadow. despite the fact that iverson was mean to keith, keith was his favorite student and iverson always held a grudge for lance taking his place and was downright cruel to him at times. lance who started a rivalry w keith in his head bc he was determined to prove that he could be better than keith. lance who was moved from blue to red paladin, following after keith yet again. lance who worked hard to prove that he was worthy of being red paladin but always failing bc he was never keith, he was never good enough.

klance who found what they lacked in each other. lance who was there for keith when it seemed like the universe was crumbling down around him. lance who stood by keith’s side and told him what he needed to hear, supporting him being leader and helping lead the team together. keith seeing lance as an equal and relying on him the way lance relied on him. keith who was loved and supported by someone who never left, lance who was seen for who he was and who never doubted him or his place on the team. klance who turned on each other.

keith who turned into what he hated and leaving lance behind. lance who saw keith as weak and selfish for leaving him the team behind. keith who came back to a lance who was so angry and upset, but who never left his side bc lance was just Like That. lance who was so hurt and upset, who said cruel things in the vacuum of space, but keith never saw him as less for it, who never got angry enough to hurt lance back.

at the end of everything, lance searching for keith to sit at his side as they watched the sunset bc lance will always be at keith’s side. keith who told lance how relieved he was and hopeful bc he knows what lance is capable of and how much he needs him. klance being what the other needs, holding each other’s heart in their hands but never taking the opportunities to crush each other. lance who never left keith behind, keith who never saw lance as less despite the vitriol he spat at times.

[thormanick]

going a little bit crazy but this can’t leave my head

Alhaitham’s eyes are a tiny bit red bc Kaveh helps him see the word from a new perspective

Kaveh has a greenish feather in his hair because Alhaitham shows him new ways of [thinking] analyzing the situations

Both details are small bc they cannot change each other fundamentally, and yet they exist bc these two [want] to exist in the life of each other, thus creating a balance-

[honeyoats]

Anyway i was already thinking abt it tonight but the way tim had to have idolized and looked up to jason when he was starting off as robin and even before then. ya know. maybe even mourned him a little bit because he was his robin too when he was still alive. Anyway

[keets-writing-corner]

One thing I noticed is that Lucifer doesn't disassociate when singing, and what's one common factor in his songs? Charlie, so I like to imagine that in these instances he's so focused on her that his depression temporarily takes a back seat because he loves his kid so much that he forgets why he's sad in the first place.

ooh I like your headcanons!

hmm I guess we could look at this a couple of different ways (some of what I'm about to say comes from personal experience which may be different than what some other people experience so idk feel free to agree or disagree with my musings)

So dissociation doesn't [technically] affect your ability to speak, it affects your ability to focus. The way I was talking about it in my analysis was that it nerfed Lucifer's conversation comprehension, with him being unable to follow along the entire time (and consequently either has NO idea what anyone is talking about or only gets half the picture).

The only times Lucifer really fumbles his words is when he gets nervous around Charlie either cuz he's trying to make a good impression

Or when he realizes his depression is biting him in the ass and he just missed crucial pieces of information and cannot bluff his way through the conversation

Although shout out to that one time we caught him realizing he needed to bluff and stumbled a little

But otherwise, he articulates himself perfectly fine, cuz again, dissociation isn't about speaking ability so much as it is about focus. Even in my bouts of dissociation I can verbalize myself just fine for the most part, it's whether or not what I have to say is relevant to the conversation, which uh Lucifer also showed off at some point when he thought Charlie was asking him about the hotel's appearance rather than her actual plan to redeem sinners and comments on the railings. (Or idk there is another interpretation that he was avoiding the subject, maybe it was both he disassociated while Charlie was explaining everything to him but did catch that she wanted to redeem sinners at some point, but didn't quite understand what she was asking until she clarified? he didn't seem surprised when she did clarify so I'm assuming he ended up catching it at least once)

So I'm bringing this up because it ends up being kinda hard to tell whether or not he is or is not disassociating when he sings, cuz the dissociation wouldn't affect the singing at all.

When he's having a sing battle against Alastor, sure he's articulating himself well and presenting his points, but we don't actually know whether or not he's following along what Alastor is saying. Honestly, Lucifer vs Alastor just seemed like 2 territorial chickens yelling at each other trying to be louder than the other one. Maybe Lucifer is catching everything cuz his jealous and rage helped him focus for once, maybe he's not catching everything but he doesn't need to catch everything to know that he doesn't like Alastor and he doesn't need to focus to tell Alastor how much he dislikes him.

But what about the other two songs, "More than Anything" and "Finale"?

He is technically outright having a conversation with Charlie in the first one and in the second one, he seems fully aware of the context of the situation and is focusing more on a lifting spirits role

Well it could be a lot of things I think. I don't think it's that the depression or the sadness took a back seat, that's still present. From my own experiences, it is possible to get yourself to focus in a dissociative episode when the subject matter is something you're passionate about or in Lucifer's case, someone that he loves. We know the dissociation was unfortunately strong enough that it was making him miss out on a lot of things Charlie (aforementioned loved one) was telling him, especially in the beginning.

But looking at "More than Anything" what changed in that scene? He was with Charlie the entire episode but that was the first scene where he really managed to hold a conversation. I think it was a combination of: Okay his baby girl is there and she NEEDS him, and he opens up as to why he's hesitant about her plan. He's not explicit with the mention of his trauma, but trauma does make someone more alert. I'd also like to give a special shout out to @in-fair-verona-we-set-our-scene who made these lovely tags on my analysis post

Specifically, I want to talk about that they mention that Lucifer is being a lot more genuine in his song with Charlie, aka he's not masking. He's not trying to hide or bluff how he's doing. He's not putting on a show, he's not being goofy or larger than life, he's being genuine and his genuine self is tired, sad and resigned. Let me tell you, my dissociation is 100% worse when I'm masking.

I think in "More Than Anything" a mix of things are going on, he's not needing to mask for a minute which boosts the focus, he's opening up about trauma and it's being gently received which boosts focus, and he's talking to someone he loves about something he was once passionate about which boosts focus. So ye! It could entirely be that in that song he was not dissociating!

As far as "Finale" I legitimately can't really tell whether or not he is? He's not really having a conversation with anyone, he's just trying to uplift his daughter, and again, in my experiences, dissociation doesn't necessarily nerf your ability to speak. We also know that he knows how to put on a show even in the depths of the dissociation like in "Hell's Greatest Dad" soooo as for that song... -shrug-?????

There is an element here that we have to take into account. Hazbin Hotel is a traditional musical, so we must look at a theater saying, "When the emotion becomes too strong for speech, you sing." Which is more or less what happened in all the songs Lucifer was a part in, so there's definitely some meta technical things going on in that a song wouldn't be very dramatic if the person singing it was dissociating the whole time? I mean I guess it could be done, I've just never seen it? Usually the musical number has to be clear in its purpose. The protagonist of Dear Even Hansen can sing just fine when any other speaking parts he fumbles with his words a lot.

AAAAAAALLL of this to say: Does Lucifer stop disassociating when he sings? -shrugs- I think it really depends on the context, but I wouldn't at all be surprised cuz high emotion can lead to greater focus in a moment. Although it's really cute to think that he doesn't dissociate cuz singing with Charlie is just that much of a boost for him cuz he loves his wittle girl

[sparklepirate]

Alright, final thoughts on Inheritance.

;-;

Eragon continues to be the guy of all time. I love him. He really displayed a maturity in this book that I think supersedes anything we've seen of him in all the previous books, and just like... His strength really is that he is compassionate and thoughtful towards everyone. Even Murtagh, now, too. He had the realization of how close he was to sharing his fate, sought to understand him, and that was ultimately what led him to realizing his true name had changed, tearing down Galbatorix's wards, etc etc. I don't know that I could properly articulate everything about him here, but Eragon definitely became the hero he needed to be by the end of the series, 100%. He is the only person who could've possibly thought of the final piece of magic to defeat Galbatorix. Even the dreams of starlings are equal to the worries of a king. Ahhh, it's so good. ❤️ I'm so proud of him.

On the other hand, Barst was some bullshit. Bro. Like, on the one hand, it was a very good climactic battle for Roran to participate in, and his triumph was the perfect culmination of his character- cunning in battle, cunning in strategy, the intelligence and charisma to sway everyone around him into cooperating and working together, sheer determination so intensely strong that he was able to crush and Eldunarí with his bare hands. His role was perfect! But Barst as a villain was kinda... Well, first of all, he came completely the fuck out of nowhere. He wasn't mentioned at all until they were already on their way to Uru'baen, and then he was only MENTIONED. They didn't hype him up enough before the actual battle in my opinion. And ONE human and one Eldunarí being enough to beat the QUEEN OF THE ELVES in hand to hand combat...? I mean, I guess that could work but... Ehhh... I dunno. It kind of felt like an excuse for Islanzadí to die, and Roran to triumph more than anything. It was cool, but it was probably the weakest part of the plot in my opinion.

That said though I think it's pretty safe to say this was my favorite book of the series. I'm having trouble recalling all the iconic shit (I took a pretty long break from reading about halfway through the book) but there was soooo much cool stuff in here. The Nasuada being kidnapped and being helped by Murtagh arc is GOLD, Vroengard was amazing, and all the battles were SO well written??? I need to study these books more closely just to learn how to write compelling fight scenes. Honestly, it's gripping stuff. I was on the edge of my seat, despite knowing how everything turns out.

Nasuada is amazing, Arya is amazing, Saphira is amazing, Roran is amazing, MURTAGH is amazing... I think I already liked basically every character in this series going in, but I somehow like them even more now that I've read it again. Everyone is so good, and interesting, and I want to be everyone's friend. I think the only character I liked less this go around was Orrin (sorry to my Orrin stan friend out there). That said, though, I don't dislike him, I think I just went from positive to neutral about him.

Orrin honestly just didn't get nearly as much screen time as I remembered? We only see him a handful of times throughout the book and each time the only thing he's doing is getting drunk and making an ass of himself, though... Idk, he also has a point? He has his own unique point of view, and his own unique experiences that lead him to his own ideas of how to conduct things, and it is definitely kind of true that like no one ever really listens to him or takes him seriously, despite being the King of Surda for w while at that point. I don't think there was a more graceful solution to the division of power/territory after Galbatorix was killed than what was decided upon, because like... Realistically, Orrin was never gonna be high king. He had good reason to assert for the throne, sure, but actually ascending to the throne? That is SUCH a far reach for power, unless the aim was to assimilate Surda in and have all of the humans under one crown. Nah, Nasuada giving up territory and ascending to the throne was the better choice, even if I do empathize with Orrin's point of view. It seems like Nasuada did as well, because even though she was persistent, she seemed to be gentle and sympathetic with him. He even had his line about like... "Why do you even want to do this?" "None of you would understand." Idk. Very interesting, but not tremendously notable compared to others, and he definitely was a bit of an asshole at times.

Murtagh my beloved my BELOVED I'm honestly just gonna make a whole separate essay post about him because his shit is Complicated™️ but one little note it was such a small detail at the end but I love that he said to Eragon "Hey check in on Arya about killing Shruikan. It couldn't have been easy for an elf to kill a dragon." And Eragon hadn't even THOUGHT of that and Arya probably would've been the last thing on his mind but he still was just so thoughtful. He is thoughtful like his brother and he cares so deeply and AHHH!!! And actually I want to see him and Arya be buds. I think they would have a cool dynamic. And also I love that he never once hesitated to acknowledge Eragon as his brother and just wanted to be with him and finally Eragon also acknowledged him as a brother too that last scene with them was just so good 🥹

Also I love how Thorn's like only spoken line in the whole series (until November) is to boop Eragon on the forehead and say "Hi. Thank you for not killing my rider. :)" and Murtagh is just like "Yeah thanks for that. 😒"

Love how quick Saphira and Fírnen hit it off lol. They really played tag and wrestled for like five minutes and then were like "Alright we're gonna go fuck like now see y'all later ✌️" And Eragon's like "Is this??? Okay???" And Saphira's like "Pfft dragon's don't mate for life 🤷‍♀️" Their little romance was so cute.

CAN WE FUCKING TALK ABOUT QUEEN AND RIDER ARYA??? That shit is by FAR the wildest endgame decision Chris made because like. That. That's so fucking. Oh my god??? Like, one, poor Arya!! She just wanted to be a rider and have adventures! She probably would've either spent her time happy herrying eggs across Alegaësia, or she would've gone with Eragon to Mount Arngor, but you can NOT convince me that she would be particularly happy as queen. She's grieving the loss of her mother that she barely had a relationship with, and denied the other eleven leaders for a full week before they convinced her to do it!!! Girlie!!! You deserve to be happy!!! And, two, the obvious point of holy shit that is such an enormous power imbalance in favor of the elves. Like, there is a REASON the riders were separate in the first place!! And, you know, Galbatorix JUST died and now there is another rider/monarch and it's the ELVES who have historically been both the most powerful race, and the race with the best relationship with the dragons. And Arya is the ONLY RIDER LEFT IN ALEGAËSIA!!! Because Eragon is gone (and stubbornly convinced that He Shall Never Again Return Oh Woe Is Him) and Murtagh is... Also gone to an extent. He at the very least holds no political power. Basically everyone hates him, and those that don't can't do more than, like, pardon him, for whatever that's worth. I just can't see this not rubbing people the wrong way, and not coming to an eventual head. Nasuada and Arya are both great, but I just get the feeling there is going to eventually be some sort of conflict between them, no matter how much neither of them want it. I do think Arya is perhaps the least corruptible person, other than maybe Eragon but... I don't knowwww maaaan it's complicated!!

Also I regret to inform everyone that rereading the last little bit did make me ship Eragon and Arya a teensy tinsy itty little bit. Just a liiiiittle bit. Like idk the last fairth and the telling each other their true names and calling each other their true names and Eragon's grief at leaving and his vow to love her forever and her insinuation of maybe one day just got to me alright???

There were a lot of cool magic things in this book! Like the pocket space that the Eldunarí were kept in? Cuaroc's body? More shit that I'm forgetting? God I would just love, like, a magical encyclopedia or something idk. Lots of cool shit. And artifacts!! I want to learn about more magical artifacts.

Also at my Galbatorix stan mutual? I'm a certified Murtagh Girlie™️ and therefore obligated to hold a grudge but like. I do get it. He is a... Very competent villain.

Alright I think that's it for now but. Wow. Man oh man. There is a reason I love this series. I'll probably think of some more things to talk about later, and I'm gonna be participating in the Big Bang, and I'll probably post about The Fork, The Witch, and The Worm as I reread that but yeah!!! Can't wait for November!!

[angelshimaa]

@driaswrld :: could i get maybe a meet ugly w kuroo? where like he cuts reader in line cs they were so short he rlly didn't notice em 😭😭 idk i js think that would be funny

a/n :: dria bby hai ! i'm so sorry this is coming out so late, but i hope it's what you wanted :) gn!reader, reader is short(er than kuroo)

event (closed).

maybe he should stop making bets.

the thought sits on kuroo’s mind as he scans the video game store, looking for the games he owes kenma. he doesn’t even remember what the bet was about— proof of just how long he’d put doing this off.

however, tetsuro fancies himself a man of his word, no matter how long it takes him to get there.

after some help from the staff, he finally has the game series in his hand. kenma had been smart about his conditions; this one would do a number on his wallet. regardless, kuroo goes to stand in line, eager to get this over and done with.

as if he had any plans.

“excuse me.” he hears a voice call out, to nobody in particular it seems. he thinks nothing of it, focusing on the moving line more than anything else, until someone behind him taps on his shoulder, repeating their words with a more urgent tone.

when kuroo turns and looks down, he’s met with a less-than-pleased expression on a pretty face.

“oh, hey— didn't see you there. what's up?” you watch his lips curl up into a grin, one that you don't take too kindly to, regardless of how attractive this stranger might be.

“you cut into the line. the end is behind me.” you deadpan, gesturing backwards and kuroo’s eyes follow— there are two people that come in to line up behind you. his eyes trail back to you and you stare pointedly at him, arms folding over your chest with the game you plan to buy clutched in your hand.

“...sorry, beautiful, but i’m pretty sure i didn't cut.” play dumb; that was his plan. he was here now, and he just didn't feel up to losing this spot. even if it wasn't his. amber eyes look over you, trying to see if the nickname might have flattered you even in the silence.

the way you glare at him hints at quite the opposite effect he wanted.

“i’m telling you that you did.”

“...and i’m telling you that i’m sure i didn't.”

“i don't really care how ‘sure’ you are, it doesn't change the fact that you pushed into the line. now, i don't know if your eyes always fail you, but i said the end is right there.” you hope you're articulating your agitation as much as you feel it spreading through your body, it was making your fingertips tingle a little. you had places to be, and you weren't about to let some jerk delay you any longer.

kuroo watches the way you try to tell him off, tracing over every word your lips form— you're cute. cute enough that your sentence practically bounces off him and though he knows he probably shouldn't, he lets his grin spread wider, suddenly entertained.

“my eyes work pretty well, darling— they just aren't used to picking up such... small things.”

he likes watching your face contort into offense; your eyebrows furrowing and creasing your skin, your lip dropping a little so you're gaping at him the slightest— looks like he found a trigger.

“excuse me?”

the cashier, who looks too tired to really care about this disagreement, calls for the next in line, which now happens to be him. you can smell the smugness in how he takes a step closer and pays for the games he's purchasing, and you feel like hurling a few colourful words at him.

irrational? maybe, but such an antagonising face brought it out of you so unexpectedly easy.

“well then,” kuroo has the nerve to keep smiling at you while he grabs his plastic of purchases, the little shit. he heads towards the exit, tossing you a half-hearted wave goodbye with his back to you. “see you around, shortie.”

“i’d rather not, you pig,” you huff, getting a little annoyed with yourself for not biting back with venom. your eyes follow him out the door, narrowed at so much audacity.

kuroo grins— you're sure to remember him now. he reaches into his pocket and gets his phone out before notifying kenma that he's finally got his games.

maybe he'll accompany kenma whenever he visits the store from now on. he probably (definitely) owes you an apology of some sort, and he can't say he doesn't feel intrigued at the thought of your paths crossing again.

[fallenclan]

**FC IM GOING TO LOSE MY FUCKING MARBLES.** GOD... GOD!!!! CYCLES!!!

LEOPARD ANON HOLY FUCKING SHIT. TAKING THIS IN MY JAWS. SPECULATION INCOMING - TAKING A BIT TO TYPE. HAVE YET TO VOTE. SPINNING IT IN MY HEAD A BIT.

Notably, interestingly, maybe - Otterslip is the son of a former leader and a respected deputy, the former apprentice of the current deputy, and by all accounts a good mentor. I feel like he'd be seen as a fairly respected warrior. If this *did* come to light? I think it would shake up the clan very, very badly. Expose a rot growing in the core of their clan - not only that, but in the heart of a well-respected, and more importantly, well-beloved warrior. I could go on a whole tangent here about how evil is not something black and white and how people are flawed and how it is SO delightfully interesting to have someone like Otter who we've known and loved so long do something like this. Because this *doesn't* cancel out the rest of that, he's still that cat who's adored, who's suffered hardship and helped others weather it, who comforted his apprentice when she felt unworthy.

And he still killed someone - a *medicine cat,* of his own clan - because he felt he had a right to, and he felt it was deserved. And because his mother did the same, moons and moons ago. He lashed out in pain and fury and a refusal to face the truth, and did something horrible and irreversible for it.

Hm. Still typing what I actually meant to send. But I can hand you this speculation, at least, without the research.

- What do you think Scorchstar felt, looking down at this? Regret? Not even for her actions, necessarily, I doubt things between her and Sunwish will ever be truly okay in the stars, but for the *precedent* they set? For what her son, who's grown so well in her absence, but never abandoned his soft-hearted, unerring belief in his mother, took from it? She's clearer of mind, up here. Does she dread the results of his actions?

- Do you think clouds covered the sky, overlooking them on that cliff-face? A storm that may have been brewing in the distance all day, coming to fruit above them in deadly silence? Do you think Otterslip cared about the eyes upon him - about Silverpelt's doubtless disapproval? Or did he wait to act in the sun's scornful gaze, instead?

- Do you think it rained, on his walk back? Sorry I've just got the image of like. A three day storm, or something, just enough to haunt him. Starclan's wrath or a mournful goodbye or the insistence of a truth that refuses to go unheard. All three, maybe, depending on who you ask... I wonder if it would wash away the blood, or not.

- How Sunwish felt, looking down...

- .

- I think it's a feeling she remembers all too well.

SORRY. Normal. & DO NOT EXPECT YOU TO HAVE ANSWERS TO ALL OF THESE (head in hands embarrassed) HAHA KNOW IT IS BUT LITTLE PIXEL GAME... BUT TH!! MAN. GOD. CIRCLES...

(fun fact. Every medicine cat since Sunwish, sans Eaglestripe, has been at some point righteous.) (- 🐈‍⬛)

LITERALLY ALL OF THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! like. i absolutely adore the moral grayness of it all. and the fucking Parallels..... cant articulate my thoughts all that well rn but like. i am Thinking about the stuff with Otterslip being a cat that We Watched Grow Up!!!!!! we saw him as a little baby cat and we saw him become an apprentice and then a warrior and we saw him love and lose and grow and. he fuckin whips around and murders??? and . idk i'm Thinking. i had to look back to all the old art of him and it's like. this is a murderer. he murdered someone.

[mymhameme]

I don’t know what the laws are in Japan since I live in the USA but I’ve always been so interested in seeing the legal side of things in MHA.

Just knowing what kind of crimes and horrible things that have been done without quirks makes me so curious and frightened of what it would be like with them.

I watch a lot of true crime since I decided to not follow that career path myself because I wouldn’t be able to handle seeing the horrible reality of what people are capable of up close. The things I see and hear are appalling, but imagine what it would be like if those same people can do superhuman things. That’s terrifying!

What’s it like gathering evidence, what is it like for investigators and prosecutors and defense attorneys? How would they go about filing charges and deciding minimum punishment requirements? How would they handle those that are incarcerated?

What about gun laws? The USA is notorious for mass shootings and gun violence. Would that change with the rise of quirks? Would it be worse, better? Would more people have them to protect themselves against people with scarier, stronger quirks or just use them as an afterthought in their crimes?

What about quirk accidents? What’s the process for suing someone when their quirk causes unintended damage?

How does the judicial system work regarding quirk rights?

What about those that need specialized care? How hard or expensive would it be getting support equipment or proper medical help? What about those that have bodies drastically different from those around them, would they even be catered to or would they be expected to deal with it or pay an insane amount of money?

People have a hard time now when there isn’t quirks regarding all kinds of rights and issues, I don’t see them being resolved even in the future where MHA takes place.

Idk… just a lot of thoughts today and I can’t decipher them well enough to articulate the hundreds of scenarios that play in my mind at the thought.

I’ve been pondering about this for months and I wanna know what you guys think.

[sleepytoycollection]

went thrifting as a reward for getting my bills paid and found the remnants of someone's horse girl phase

there were WAY more horses then this, so many MLP and Breyers

Anyway, I bought the articulated Barbie horses bc I LOVE articulate doll sized animals. I actually already have a Barbie Magic of Pegasus Brietta from previous thrifting, but this one had more of her accessories, so I might pick the best looking one, combine their bits, and customize the other. The articulation on Brietta in fantastic.

I have no idea what I'm going to do with the large horse head. I just thought it was very pretty.

I bought the tiny dog (is this an LPS? idk it has no branding help) because it's one of the cutest things I have ever seen. oh my god. the BEANS

I thought Luna was Twilight when I bought her and it was only when I got home I realized the cutie mark was wrong. Ah well, I have a Nightmare Moon, I can display them together. I just thought this sculpt looked nicer then the usual pony figures.

As for the actual Twilights, once again, I was drawn to the nicer sculpt of the one in the jacket. Plus the nicer articulation. Might customize her to remove the jacket since I'm pretty sure I'm missing a lot. The ugly articulate twilight is getting sacrificed for something new.

anyway enough rambling

[godsfavdarling]

14 yearning hearts

pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!oc

summary: Spencer and Brittany have a talk about their sex life

list of chapters, also available on wattpad and Ao3, my masterlist

warnings: smut (no condom sex, fingering, oral - female receiving), a little bit of anxiety but it all ends well! so also a bit of fluff!

words: 4k (just smut pretty much, idk how that happened?)

His head tilted back in sheer bliss as waves of pleasure washed over him.

His dick throbbed painfully hard with each slap against her pussy, sending shudders of pleasure through his entire body. Her eyes dilated, gasping now, barely able to restrain herself. She maintained a steady pace, allowing him to lay beneath her with his hands on her thighs, while she gripped his waist for support.

Brittany bounced on his dick, her senses heightened by the alcohol coursing through her veins. Euphoric bliss enveloped her, causing her to close her eyes tightly as tears of pleasure streamed down her face. Silent screams of ecstasy forced her jaw open, amplifying the intensity of the moment.

With a loud groan, Spencer's stomach tightened as he climaxed inside of her, triggering her own orgasm in response. They both spiraled into a blissful high of pure ecstasy, riding out the waves of pleasure together.

Brittany continued to move, prolonging their shared euphoria.

As she finally slowed down and leaned in to kiss him before quickly standing up and disappearing into the bathroom, Spencer felt a pang of longing wash over him.

He couldn't help but feel a twinge of disappointment. He longed to hold her close, to revel in the intimacy they had just shared. 

Yet, as he lay there alone, he couldn't shake off the nagging question that lingered in his mind—did Brittany not want him to hold her?

This wasn't the first time Spencer had noticed Brittany's reluctance to engage in post-coital cuddling. While he understood that everyone had their own preferences when it came to physical affection, he couldn't help but wonder if there was something more to it.

As he pondered over their dynamic, another thought crept into Spencer's mind—Brittany always seemed to take charge in their relationship. From initiating intimacy to making plans, she exuded confidence and assertiveness in everything she did. And while Spencer admired her independence, a part of him couldn't help but feel like he should be doing more.

Was he not attentive enough? Did Brittany feel like he wasn't pulling his weight in their relationship? 

These thoughts gnawed at Spencer, filling him with a sense of unease and self-doubt.

When Brittany returned to the room, Spencer couldn't help but notice the way she moved with purpose, her confidence shining through even in the dim light.

“Is everything okay?" Brittany asked, her brow furrowing with concern as she studied Spencer's troubled expression.

"Yeah," he replied, though his voice lacked its usual confidence, betraying the turmoil swirling within him.

"Spencer… come on. Talk to me. Did I do something wrong?" Brittany's eyes searched his face, searching for any hint of what might be bothering him.

"No, you're perfect," he assured her, though his words seemed to hang in the air with uncertainty.

Brittany draped her robe around her shoulders, her movements slow and deliberate as she settled beside him, her eyes never leaving his troubled gaze.

He sighed, knowing she wouldn't let it go. "I… I can't help but wonder… um… do you not want me to hold you…?"

Spencer's voice trailed off, his words heavy with unspoken uncertainty as he broached the delicate subject. He could feel Brittany's eyes on him, searching his face for any hint of what might be bothering him.

"What?" she asked softly, her brow furrowing with concern as she studied his troubled expression.

"After we're done," Spencer began, his voice tinged with hesitancy as he struggled to articulate his thoughts. "You always… very quickly get up, and I… wonder if affection afterwards is something you're not interested in or…"

Brittany's eyes widened in surprise at Spencer's question, her expression softening with understanding as she processed his words. She reached out, gently touching his arm in reassurance, a small smile playing at the corners of her lips.

"Oh, Spencer," she said softly, her voice filled with warmth and affection. "It's not that… I’m sorry. It's just... sometimes I get caught up in my own head, you know?"

Spencer nodded, a flicker of relief crossing his features as he absorbed her words. "Yeah, I understand," he murmured, his tension easing slightly.

"I'm sorry. We can change that. Would you like it if we... cuddled afterwards?"

His heart skipped a beat at the offer, a warmth spreading through him at the thought of holding her close. "If you want that… I’d like to… hold you," he admitted, his voice tinged with vulnerability.

A soft smile graced Brittany's lips as she nodded, her eyes shimmering with affection. "You can. It's just… I'm not used to it, I suppose… I can't remember when was the last time I had sex with someone I truly cared about. And I'm not interested in strangers hugging me and holding me… But you can. I’d love that… I can hold you too."

"It's okay," Spencer reassured her, his heart swelling with gratitude for her honesty and vulnerability.

"I'm happy you told me," Brittany said softly as she settled beside him, her warmth enveloping him in a comforting embrace.

As they lay together in the quiet intimacy of the moment, Spencer's mind raced with thoughts and emotions, his heart heavy with unspoken words and desires.

He knew they needed to talk, to lay bare their hopes, fears, and desires, but the words remained lodged in his throat, elusive and unspoken.

"Spencer…" Brittany's gentle voice broke through his thoughts, drawing his attention to her, her eyes searching his with unwavering intensity. "Maybe we should talk… I suppose we never did that. Things just happened…"

The weight of her words hung in the air, heavy with unspoken implications, and Spencer felt a knot tighten in his stomach as he struggled to find the right words.

"What do you mean?" he asked, his voice barely above a whisper as he met her gaze, his heart pounding in his chest.

"Well… we never discussed our preferences," Brittany explained, her voice soft and tentative as she broached the subject.

"Yeah… I guess we didn't," Spencer replied, his tone tinged with uncertainty as he considered her words.

"So… what do you like about our sex life?" Brittany asked, her eyes searching his with a mixture of curiosity and vulnerability.

"I like everything," Spencer replied, his voice filled with sincerity as he met her gaze, his heart swelling with affection for her.

"Okay… What do you not like?" Brittany probed gently, her voice soft and reassuring as she encouraged him to open up.

"Nothing," Spencer replied, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips as he met her gaze, his eyes shining with affection.

"Okay…" Brittany's expression softened with understanding as she sensed his discomfort, her heart aching with a desire to ease his worries and fears. "Do you like it when I go down on you?"

"Yeah," Spencer replied, his cheeks flushing slightly as he met her gaze, his heart racing with anticipation.

"Okay. Do you like going down on me?" Brittany asked, her voice soft and tentative as she broached the subject.

"Yes. Very much," Spencer replied, his voice filled with sincerity as he met her gaze, his heart swelling with affection for her.

"Do you like when I'm on top?" Brittany asked, her voice soft and vulnerable as she broached the subject.

"Yeah," Spencer replied, his voice tinged with desire as he met her gaze, his heart pounding in his chest with anticipation.

As Brittany began to think of more questions, Spencer sighed, closing his eyes for a moment as he struggled to find the right words. The intimacy of their conversation weighed heavily on him, stirring up a whirlwind of emotions and desires that he struggled to articulate.

"What? Please talk to me, Spencer," Brittany pleaded, her voice filled with concern and affection as she reached out to him, her touch gentle and reassuring.

"I like everything. I love it. I think you're incredible…" Spencer began, his voice filled with sincerity as he met her gaze, his eyes shining with affection and desire.

"But?" Brittany prompted gently, her heart aching with a desire to understand and comfort him.

"There's no 'but.' I'm just… oh God. This is embarrassing," Spencer admitted, his cheeks flushing slightly as he met her gaze, his heart pounding in his chest with anticipation and vulnerability.

"No, it's not. Please tell me. You can tell me anything. We can try and change anything you want," Brittany reassured him, her voice soft and gentle as she reached out to him, her touch filled with warmth and affection.

Spencer's voice trembled with vulnerability as he poured out his insecurities. "I… feel like I'm trying to do everything I can to make you happy. But... but it's hard for me sometimes. You're always so confident, so sure of yourself. And I... I've never been in a proper relationship before. I don't know what I'm doing half the time. What I'm trying to say, I suppose, is… I'm not as experienced as you, and it scares me… What if I'm not enough for you? What if I… can't give you what you need?"

His words hung heavy in the air as Spencer looked into Brittany's eyes, his heart laid bare before her. He could see the understanding and compassion in her gaze, but it did little to ease the gnawing doubt that consumed him. Brittany's heart sank at his words. She reached out, gently taking his hand in hers, offering him silent reassurance and support.

"Spencer…" her voice was soft, her touch gentle as she reached out to caress his cheek. "You are absolutely perfect! You are more than enough for me. I don't care about what you have done with others and how many times. Yeah… I may be more experienced in some ways, but that doesn't matter to me. I don’t care."

Spencer felt a lump form in his throat as he struggled to hold back the tears threatening to spill over. "But I want to be able to give you everything," he whispered, his voice barely above a whisper. "I want to be the one who takes care of you, who makes you happy. But I… I don’t think I know how."

Brittany's eyes softened with compassion as she pulled him into a comforting embrace. "Spencer," she murmured against his chest, her words a soothing balm to his wounded soul. "You already do. You make me very happy! Please don’t think you are not enough for me. Don't ever think that,” Brittany reassured him, her voice soft and filled with sincerity as she gazed into his eyes.

“And as for being in charge... Well, we can change that. We can figure this out together. I don't mind you taking charge if that's something you’re worried about,” she offered, her tone gentle and reassuring.

“I like you being in charge. It’s just... I feel like I'm not doing anything,” Spencer admitted, his voice tinged with uncertainty.

“Okay… listen… just because I take the lead sometimes doesn't mean you're not doing anything. Your presence, your enthusiasm, and your responsiveness—they are all very important. 

And you are perfect… I want us to explore together. I want to find what works best for both of us. What you desire and need is just as important as what I want. And I'm here. I'm here to listen and adapt. We can talk about anything, Spencer. Anything you want,” Brittany assured him, her words filled with love and understanding.

“Okay. Thanks,” Spencer replied, a sense of relief washing over him.

They shared a tender kiss, their lips meeting in a silent affirmation of their connection.

“What do you like?” Spencer asked, his voice tinged with curiosity.

“I like everything. I don't know,” Brittany admitted, her voice trailing off slightly as she pondered his question.

“What do you like the most? What turns you on?” Spencer inquired, his gaze intense as he searched her eyes for answers.

"I like hearing you. I like it when you fall apart because of me," 

As Brittany whispered, her voice laced with desire as she traced a finger along Spencer's jawline, a spark ignited between them, igniting a fiery passion. 

With a soft sigh, Spencer leaned into her touch, his own desire mirroring hers as he caressed her cheek, his fingertips tracing the curve of her lips.

Their lips met in a heated kiss. Spencer's hands found their way to Brittany's waist, pulling her closer as their bodies molded together. With each brush of their lips, the tension between them grew.

Their kisses deepened, becoming more urgent and desperate.

Breathless and flushed, they finally pulled apart, their chests rising and falling in unison as they struggled to catch their breath. Their eyes met, dark and filled with an unspoken longing that echoed between them.

"How about... another round?" she said, her lips curling into a mischievous smile as she caressed his cheek. Spencer's heart skipped a beat at her suggestion, a rush of craving flooding through him at the thought of losing himself in her once more.

Without hesitation, he leaned in to capture her lips in a fervent, passionate kiss. Their mouths melded together in a symphony of longing and need, their tongues dancing in a sensual rhythm that set their bodies ablaze.

As the intensity of their kiss deepened, Spencer felt Brittany's hands roaming over his body, igniting sparks of electricity wherever they touched. 

With a gentle yet firm push, he guided her, until she found herself lying on the bed on her back, Spencer hovering above her with a look of raw hunger in his eyes.

Their gazes locked, each silently urging the other to surrender to the intoxicating pull of their passion. With trembling hands, Spencer leaned down to claim Brittany's lips once more, his touch igniting a firestorm within her.

Brittany moaned softly against his lips, her body arching up to meet his as their kiss deepened. With a primal growl, Spencer pressed his body against hers.

As he trailed kisses down Brittany's jawline and neck, his lips left a trail of fire in their wake, leaving her skin with a searing heat. With each tender touch, Brittany's breath hitched in her throat, her pulse quickening.

Sensing her response, Spencer's hands moved to the tie of her robe, fingers deftly undoing the knot with practiced ease. The fabric fell away, revealing the smooth curves of her body bathed in the soft glow of moonlight filtering through the window.

Brittany's heart raced with excitement as Spencer's gaze roamed over her exposed form, drinking in every inch of her with an intensity that sent shivers down her spine. 

In that moment, she felt utterly vulnerable yet strangely empowered, as if every nerve ending in her body was alive with electricity.

He hummed as he dipped his mouth to her collarbone, savoring the sensation of her soft skin beneath his lips. With a gentle touch, he traced his tongue along her delicate curves.

As he caressed her left breast, he could feel her heartbeat quicken beneath his fingertips. With a soft grip, he teased her sensitive flesh, relishing in the way she arched her back in response. 

Moving slowly, he trailed warm kisses along her chest, pausing to pay homage to her hardened nipple with his tongue.

She responded with a melody of soft moans, her body arching towards him again in silent invitation. With a hum of satisfaction, he continued his ministrations, alternating between each breast as he lavished them with attention.

He played with her nipple, flicking his thumb back and forth, relishing the way she squirmed beneath his touch. With a hunger that seemed insatiable, he switched his attention to her other nipple, giving it the same treatment as he slipped his free arm under her back.

Feeling his arousal intensify with each passing moment, he focused on pleasuring her breasts, his cock growing harder and tighter with every second. He felt her delicate hand trailing down his shoulder blade.

A groan escaped his lips as he reluctantly pulled away from her breast, guiding his kisses down to the valley between them, slipping his tongue along her skin. 

He gently took hold of her wrists and pinned them above her head, a silent invitation for her to surrender to him completely. Their eyes met in a silent exchange of desire, the air thick with anticipation as they indulged in the pleasure of each other's touch.

He resumed his exploration, gently nipping at her stomach, leaving a small mark imprinted on her skin as he continued his sensual journey. With each inhale and exhale, his chest rose and fell in rhythm with hers, his hand trailing up her thigh, causing her skin to shudder.

She cursed under her breath. How desperately she wanted him to take her right there, right then. The neediness she felt embarrassed her, but she couldn't deny the raw hunger that consumed her.

With a soft hum, he gazed down at her, his eyes tracing the curves of her body before meeting her gaze once more. With cautiousness born of reverence, he dipped his head lower, his breath teasing her sensitive clit as she gasped in pleasure.

Using his hands to spread her legs wide, he positioned himself between them, preparing to take her to new heights of ecstasy. She threw her head back against the pillow, her back arching as her fingers twitched above her head.

Focusing his attention on flicking his tongue over her clit, he held her hips firmly, adjusting the angle to find the perfect spot to send her soaring. Each movement of his tongue sent waves of pleasure coursing through her, building her arousal to dizzying heights.

He devoured her with a hunger that bordered on primal, savoring her taste and scent as if she were the most exquisite delicacy. 

With each flick of his tongue, each teasing caress, he drove her closer to the edge of bliss. She found herself unable to contain her vocalizations, her moans and mewls escaping her lips in a symphony of pleasure.

As he shut his eyes tightly, shutting out the world around them, he focused solely on her, on the sensations coursing through her body. With deliberate care, he inserted his finger inside her, feeling her walls clamp around him in response. He began to thrust slowly, methodically, ensuring she was wet enough to take him fully.

Her hand flew to his head, her fingers tangling in his hair as she held on for dear life. She bit her lip in a futile attempt to stifle her moans, but they bubbled up from deep within her, escaping in a torrent of ecstasy. He drank up her essence eagerly, adding another finger inside her to increase her pleasure.

Despite her grinding hips and desperate pleas for release, he maintained his pace, intent on prolonging her pleasure for as long as possible. With each brush against her sweet spot, he felt her arousal building, her body trembling.

"Fuck, Spencer!" Her voice was a desperate plea, a mantra of desire as she felt her orgasm building, surging through her with an intensity that bordered on overwhelming. 

She tightened her grip on his hair, pulling him closer as she rode the wave of ecstasy crashing over her.

Her stomach twisted in knots as her orgasm peaked, her body convulsing with pleasure as she gave in to the overwhelming sensation. Her walls clenched around his fingers as she rode the waves of bliss.

Finally, she felt it—a release unlike any she had ever experienced. A wave of sensation rushed through her, covering his finger with her essence as she moaned his name, her voice filled with pleasure and satisfaction. Tremors racked her body as she trembled with the aftershocks of her climax, her senses overwhelmed by the sheer intensity of it all.

He rode her through her orgasm, her release pulsating around him as he moved with measured precision. Slowing his thrusts, he carefully withdrew his fingers, watching as her essence glistened on his skin. Without hesitation, he brought his fingers to his lips, tasting her essence.

Pulling himself up, he felt a slight tremor of anticipation as he positioned himself on top of her. 

His dick throbbed with need as he gazed down at her, his desire burning bright in his eyes. With her legs wrapped around his waist, he hovered over her, his tip teasing at the entrance of her warmth.

Stroking her with his tip, he savored the moment, relishing in the anticipation of what was to come. With a small groan, he clenched his jaw, his nails digging into the mattress beneath them as he fought to maintain control.

She held his face, her touch gentle yet firm as she guided him, allowing her to adjust to his size. Pulling out almost entirely, he kissed her softly before pushing back in, filling her completely.

"Is this okay?" he whispered, his voice filled with both desire and concern.

"Yes," she breathed, her response barely more than a whisper. "Keep going."

With that, he picked up the pace, his thrusts growing faster and more urgent as he felt her walls clamp around him once again. It was sheer bliss, the sensation of her warmth enveloping him as they moved together in perfect harmony. Their vocal sounds echoed throughout the apartment, a symphony of pleasure that filled the air around them.

Her legs wrapped around his hips, urging him closer, deeper. She craved the feeling of him filling her completely. With each thrust, she moaned his name, her arms wrapping around his neck to pull him into another intoxicating kiss. He met her passion with his own, their lips moving in sync as they lost themselves in the moment.

As he locked eyes with her, she felt a surge of desire wash over her. Everything else faded away, leaving only the two of them in a world of their own making. His thrusts grew harder, deeper, each one driving her closer to the edge. Her hips met his with eager anticipation, her body craving more of him with each passing moment.

He pulled away from the kiss, cupping her cheek to ensure she was looking at him. Slowing his thrusts, he wanted to savor every moment, to etch this memory into his mind forever. 

"Please, don't stop," she whispered, her voice filled with need.

"I won't. You're doing so well," he reassured her, his voice filled with admiration and desire.

She moaned, struggling to form words as his cock rammed up inside of her. Another deep thrust sent a guttural moan tumbling from her lips, her body overwhelmed by the pleasure coursing through her.

Releasing her jawline, he focused all his attention on his thrusts, determined to bring her to the brink of ecstasy once again. 

Desperate for release, she tried to convey her impending orgasm to him, but her words were lost in a haze of pleasure. He continued, driving her closer and closer to the edge.

As the knot in her stomach tightened, she felt herself teetering on the brink of climax. With a final, powerful thrust, she shattered into a million pieces, her body convulsing around.

Feeling her walls clamp around him, he knew he couldn't hold back any longer. With one last powerful thrust, he released his seed deep inside of her, filling her with warmth and liquid heat. They stayed locked in that intimate embrace for a few precious moments, before he slowly withdrew from her.

As he pulled away, she felt a sense of emptiness wash over her, replaced by a lingering warmth and satisfaction. Pressing himself against her once more, he peppered her face with gentle kisses.

Spencer's face nestled into Brittany's neck, holding her close as if he never wanted to let her go. His breath mingled with hers, warm and comforting against her skin, as he pressed tender kisses along the curve of her neck.

As the intensity of their embrace eased, Spencer lifted himself up slightly, his eyes meeting Brittany's with a soft, affectionate gaze. Leaning in, he captured her lips in a gentle kiss, savoring the taste of her as he held her tightly against him.

With a tender touch, Spencer eased himself off of her, but he didn't stray far. Instead, he shifted to lie beside her, his arm still wrapped around her waist, pulling her close. His lips trailed a path of kisses along her body, leaving a trail of warmth and affection in their wake.

Brittany sighed contentedly, feeling cherished and loved in Spencer's embrace. She melted into his touch, her fingers tracing delicate patterns along his skin.

She couldn't help but feel overwhelmed by a rush of emotions. She let out a soft sigh, her fingers tangling in his hair as she whispered, "I like this. This is nice."

Spencer paused, his gaze meeting hers with a mixture of tenderness and adoration. He brushed a strand of hair away from her face.

Tears welled up in Brittany's eyes as she gazed at him, her heart overflowing with love and gratitude. 

With a gentle touch, Spencer wiped away her tears, his expression filled with warmth and affection. He held her close, his arms wrapped around her protectively.

[mrsnancywheeler]

HEYYY omg ur post about reader isolating herself from her friends and finnick trying to help ease her back.. :(((( TFT HE CRIES BC HE JUST WANTS HER TO GET BETTER AND HE CARES SM FOR HER… IT HURTS 💔💔

But I can’t stop wondering about how confused Beckett and Tallulah might be when the reader comes back from the games bc of all the propaganda they consumed. about how a victor should act after winning the games. they would understand at first (bc of what happened w conway), but when its like months after her games and she still isolates herself is when they get concerned. Idk what do you think? im just saying things lolll

& i can imagine after the dinner, sweet girl’s initial thoughts are “omg that went horribly” (shoutout anixety/paranoia, they’re like this🤞) but finnick reassures her, “no it didn’t, please u did great :(“

BUT PLEASE WITH THE READER BEING THE BRIDESMAID TO BECKETT AND TALLULAH’S WEDDING :((( just imagining finnick also being there and just them being so cute. He def gets emotional and its not even their wedding

Also, unrelated note: im finally seeing hadestown this week and TRUST i will be thinking abt this series during most songs LMAO

ok this was a mess and i don’t organize/articulate my thoughts well but just wanted to share😋

—🦅

HI POOKIE 💋💋💋

so yes, like they've been fed this idea that victors should be happy because they love opulent lifestyles, have their own tv segments, are so beloved and finnick has very much played into this capitol darling image. so that idea cracks when reader plays the part in public for parties and for the media, but she's completely hollow in day to day life. so they realize that it's not really what they're told, there's a much darker side to winning that hidden that they know better than to ask about or be curious about. so they learn from finnick what they can do to support her and slowly push themselves back into her life and help her open up.

she works hard the whole dinner to not put on a persona, to just be herself and it's hard for her. she's anxious, nervous and it's obvious. beckett's jokes don't land, she adds little to the gossip him and tallulah bring, some nods and sometimes she forces our small things that add to story or commentary. it's enough for them to believe there's hope and that she just needs more support. after they leave she sits at the table still, head buried in be hands.

"they hate me, I wish I was the person I was before."

he's shaking his head ferverously, taking her hands in his. "no they don't. you did so good sweet girl, so proud of you."

he absolutely gets emotional watching her in a gorgeous bridesmaids dress, walking in the precession, makes him want to give the same thing to her. especially when she's told him about the whole process and made small mentions of what she likes versus doesn't, so he's got wedding things completely down for them. although he's anxious about asking, he's nervous he'll scare her off and about her mental stability. so he holds it off and as we know he waits too long.

AAAA I'm so excited for you, have fun, I hope you enjoy it. let me know how it is and anything you thought of!

you're all good, I literally got so excited when I saw it was you, my own eagle screech happened 😭❤️

[ohnoitstbskyen]

I see you being a bit more active on Tumblr, and idk if you'll read this but when you came out as aromantic - publicly, on YouTube, talking about your experiences? It made me jump on my seat. I remember I was at my friend's house when you uploaded the video and I was just staring at the screen, hearing you speak and there was something within me that felt so much happiness and relief.

You made me feel happy and safe enough - seen enough? To admit to myself that I'm in the aromantic spectrum. I've always been on the fence about it due to inner arophobia, and seeing you, someone I (parasocially) admire being what I was afraid of? It made me realize that the world is okay with aromantic people in it. With me in it.

I still think back on that video so fondly. I listen to it sometimes before going to bed, it brings me so much joy. Even as I type this there are still leftover tears of relief in my eyes. I don't know if this means anything to you from a stranger, but I needed you to know that it meant everything to me, especially as a trans man. Thank you, Skyen.

Well, I'm glad the video was helpful. I know for me it was extremely important just to hear an experience like mine articulated, to learn that I don't sit alone with myself at the tip of history, and that I don't have to invent the category of "me" all by myself.

So if it could do that for you, then I am very happy.

Truth be told I still struggle with doubt and uncertainty about that part of my identity; it's that infuriating problem of proving a negative, finding evidence of absence. "What if I just haven't met the right person yet? What if my sexuality isn't what I thought it was? What if, what if, what if..."

But the fact that other people share that experience, that they share the doubt especially... that helps. If to be "aromantic" meant to be absolutely certain of exactly what being "aromantic" is, what it feels like, and how to articulate it to other people, then I don't know that I would ever have been able to see myself in it.

My experience of it has been a long walk of doubts and second guesses, and a lot of the time I am not so much certain that I am aromantic, as I am certain that I am not any of what "romantic" is supposed to be.

If you're out there and some of those aspec labels are resonating with you, but you're full of doubt about them... hey, just know, feeling that doubt is normal. If it calls to you enough that you have to wrestle with doubt about it, that means it's worth exploring.

[delululand]

who send that txt’s red and green flags? u r a godsent! id like to add something on red flags since we all know the members are waving green flags 🤭

sb - i think one of his red flags would be fickleness? idk if i would be able to explain it well but he mentioned before that he hates being adult because of responsibilities. based on that, i can see him expressing his feelings toward the other person but then suddenly backing out because he suddenly feels overwhelmed with the thought of responsibilities that comes with relationship. he likes the person but he might be indecisive on whether he is ready to commit or not. (Not saying this is really him but just a possibility based on what ive observed with those type of ppl)

yj - fixer. sometimes he might be too focused on fixing whatever he thinks need fixing on his partner and that can be really annoying. while his moon in libra and mars in sagittarius might help him be ‘chill’.. that leo and virgo combination is no joke.

bg -u’ve said it right. it is his pettiness that can be a red flag. also the lack of communication with manipulative tendencies! if he’s the wrong one, he will have no trouble apologizing. he’s nice that way. but if his partner is the wrong one? yea good luck. he’d disappear and will make sure to make them feel guilty for it until they’re on their knees— 😶

tyun - im inlove with him so much im willing to ignore 🚩.. kidding! look, i’ve seen his chart and a lot of his personal planets r making aspect to his sun which made me think that his ego (sun) plays a huge role in his life and will definitely be one of his red flag. rn we see tyun mature side right? but i feel like anything that will hit his ego so hard can make the vicious side of him come out. his aries mars makes him easily reactive to those things. when he’s triggered, the only way to calm him down is to leave him alone.

hyuka - low self-esteem. among the members, he’s the one with a really low self esteem (all of them have but his goes deeper) im not gonna explain much other than it’s not really pleasant with these type of ppl. u gotta be strong or else they’ll drag u down with them. he’s a leo.. a leo with a healthy self esteem r the best and i know that hyuka will eventually get there.

that’s all. i dont think im able to explain my thoughts well😭 but lemme know what u think?

+ anyways i truly miss reading ur posts! and saw that enhypen’s post too! i love it!! would it possible to request one for txt too? thank u 😄

- ur fellow intp 💙

OMGGGG I WANNA SAY SO MUCH

first i love your mind soooo much, second you’re so good in astrology

i absolutely agree with your opinion about soobin, this is one of the things that I thought about but couldn’t articulate it. in my opinion he is quite mature and he is the leader of the group which makes him mature even more, but it seems like that is enough for him? like, on the one hand, it’s not that he’s not mature for a relationship, but rather he’s just not ready to take responsibility yet. + he said that he is not the kind of person who would lead a relationship or plan something and therefore would just agree with everything that his girlfriend wants, but this is also literally an abdication of responsibility to some extent. so, in my opinion, he either doesn’t want to take on extra responsibility because he’s tired of responsibility at work, or he’s not ready for it due to his young age, or he’s just that kind of person (but actually i think it affects everything together and may change with age, like i don’t think that he will be a person who will become a super leader in a relationship, but at least he will be okay with the responsibility that comes with the appearance of a relationship)

yeonjun yes and beomgyu absolutely yes. if he has a fight with his partner and the partner says something offensive to him, they won’t get away with just an apology, and for some reason i think that if it really hurt him, he would remember it every time in all next fights. and also sometimes he likes to do something like checks? like that time when he blocked taehyun to see if he would come to wish him a happy birthday

taehyun yes too and + soobin said that taehyun often gets offended that he doesn’t share his feelings and this can also be in some ways a red flag for people who have difficulty sharing feelings or who just don’t like it

speaking of kai, i understood what you mean and this is really true, but it is in him that it manifests itself as not being so burdensome for other people? like i mean my work in korea was partly related to this area and i could see and sometimes communicate with different musicians/actors/dancers and other media personas and one of the most surprising things is when you look at them you think “wow this person is so cool, they are beautiful, they are smart, they are interesting personas, they have good singing/dancing/whatever skills” but when communicating with these people, most of them have very low self-esteem but they don’t seem to focus on it. i don’t know how to explain this more correctly, but it’s like the difference between people who due to low self-esteem really pull people around them to the bottom and people for whom it’s like something background that you might not even recognize right away. but idk whatever i hope kai can handle with this and it seems he has already changed for the better

and thank you so much for writing this!!! if you don’t mind i’ll leave a link to this in main post, people should see this too!

[hauntedpearl]

okay so here's the thing. i do genuinely think that queerbaiting as a word has lost all sense in today's social landscape, because like. people will look at canonically queer characters and cry queerbaiting just because they don't have like. a partner or something. (or talk about real people queerbaiting which is jusy. not going there. not touching that with a ten foot pole. pls stop.) which is not what it's about. largely, queerbaiting has always been more of a marketing thing than a story-thing. like it's not just where they're writing "canonically" non-queer characters in queer-adjacent scenarios, altho that does happen, but it's also about. writing characters in explicitly queer scenarios but not acknowledging the queerness with an INTENT TO KEEP THE QUEER AUDIENCES INVESTED, while not giving them what they're invested in.

and like. it's not easy to categorise media as queerbait without taking into account the social scenario surrounding the release of said media. like Star Trek is absolutely NOT queerbait. it's queercoding! (while I haven't watched the show myself, I've talked about it enough with my friends to gather as much.) at some point it is the writers trying to slip as much queerness in heavily censored media as they can without getting like. cancelled. which is not them baiting you. it's just them telling a story. and stranger things is not queerbait, because will is gay. whether or not he and Mike have a thing is just. that's a whole different thing. he's explicitly canonically gay. I don't care enough about the show to dissect the coding with Mike but what will experiences as a young kid coming to terms with his sexuality, and him falling for his best friend, and struggling to articulate his feelings, trying to reach out to his brother and failing...these are all just lived experiences of so many queer people. that's not baiting by any means. i mean you can say they're "byler baiting" bc maybe they are idk (I'm sorry I'm just. picking popular media to all about but I don't personally engage enough w it I'm so sorry) like they're kids yk but like. that's not queerbait!!!

and this brings me to supernatural which is probably the only show where I will call it queerbait just because I sense SUCH a, for the lack of a better word, sinister air around the whole destiel thing that it makes me want to put my head in an oven. There's just something INSANE about this show. I do think there were writers who wanted to genuinely give us a queer love story in some way and slipped in as much as they could within the bounds of censorship. and I do think there was so much accidental queercoding because many cooks in the kitchen resulted in this scenario where dean's performance is so very see-through and entirely breaks down even if some of those cooks intended for whatever dean does to be taken at face value. and then there's these episodes where you know those fuckers wanted you to keep watching bc you thought they were gonna make destiel real but they weren't gonna do that they were literally laughing at you they were throwing rocks at you and you still STOOD THERE TAKING IT because you COULD NOT be crazy like you are WATCHING THIS SHIT LIVE. AND YOU KNOW YOU'RE RIGHT.

it's like this. after despair. after s15. hell even after s12. (market research. oh god the market research.) i think a lot of the audience will probably be like. well. this is not queerbait anymore. and they'd probably be right because like. market research!!! and widower arc!!! and tombstone!!!! and domestic family shit in s14!!! the trap!! despair!! this is all just very much a love story. beats of a soap opera romantic drama even. but then you HAVE to consider the way they'd ridicule audience members for bringing up destiel being canon at cons. you have to consider them doing this for almost a year after the show ended even. and then it's like. well what was that about.

see I'm not very smart or articulate so I don't know if I'm conveying my thoughts properly here but what I'm trying to say is. queerbaiting is not about the story. it's never been about the story. it's about corporations trying to lasso in a new demographic without having to do the work to actually earn their attention in full.

like if you asked me if supernatural was canonically a queer show in terms of what was written i would say that it was complicated. because they do toe the line a lot..but there are many arcs which only make sense completely if you turn the rainbow beam on them. so TO ME it's a queer show but if anyone says it isn't I would not talk to them but I also wouldn't be able to refute them completely and that's the catch.

but like. if you asked me if it was queerbait, I would also say yes. because like. the people who forced the queer storylines to toe the line (the network execs I'm talking about the network execs only) wanted to reap the advantages of being an explicitly queer show while not doing anything to rescind the censorship that could make it one very easily.

AND LIKR.. THAT'S MY PERSPECTIVE ANYWAY. IDK ANYTHING ABOUT ANYTHING. SO WHATEVER.

[911onabc]

wip wednesday

it's literally not wednesday here yet but @buddiearemydads tagged me already and i want to share the unhinged thing i just wrote.

if you didn't catch my temptation tuesday... i am obsessed with the idea of buck being pregnant because he got abducted by aliens. blame me playing the sims in my formative years, idk. anyways here's the beginning it's a lot of lore <3

Buck almost felt like he should be grateful.

He wasn’t the first person for it to happen to. And a lot of the stories he had heard about those first people were far worse. 

Horror stories had plagued the news of people blacking out and waking up on a cold metal table. They were poked and prodded and cut into. The pain, they said, was unimaginable. 

Then, they would wake up in their beds. Traumatized. 

And pregnant with their own clone.

At first, nobody could figure out how it was happening. The United States blamed China, Russia blamed the United States. It was terrible, and oh-so-strange, and kind of felt like the end of the world–or maybe just the beginning of a terrible sci-fi movie. 

But quickly enough, cases were popping up all over the world. It was clear that it couldn’t be just one government targeting global enemies. And the stories–horrible as they were–were more or less the same in every language. 

Every council in the world got together– The United Nations, The G7, NATO. They deliberated for weeks before coming to a conclusion that seemed simultaneously obvious and utterly ludacris. 

The threat, whatever it was, was extra-terrestial. 

That had been almost a full year ago. Hundreds of babies had been born already. Some governments tried to keep confiscate them, study them, execute them even. Some people were convinced the babies were parasites. Some people were convinced they were a sign from God, that those who were inseminated were the chosen ones.

But, by all accounts, and all peer-reviewed studies, the babies appeared to be just babies. 

Why they were here? Why this was happening? Well, that was still anyone’s guess.

Buck had ressigned himself to not worrying about it. Didn’t feel like it was his problem to solve.

That was, until, Evan Buckley was the 531st case of insemination via alien abduction in the United States.

And really, things weren’t so bad for him. His abductors, whoever they were, had figured out some way to either wipe the memories of those they abducted or keep them asleep the whole time. 

Buck remembered blacking out right outside his apartment and waking up the next morning in bed, feeling like he had the worst hangover of his life and with marks all over his body. 

He recognized what had happened right away. By this point, everyone had memorized the signs. Headache. Dehydration. Red marks across your ribs. 

The only thought Buck could articulate was oh fuck. 

But really, Buck knew he was lucky. 

He could have been the first batch. One of the traumatized ones. One of the ones who had been forced into studies or kept prisoner by their own governments. One of the ones whose names would go down in history as the very first victims of alien abduction. 

Buck wasn’t any of those things, thank god.  Buck was just pregnant.

tagging: @megsvstheworld @messyhairdiaz @rogerzsteven @fatedbuddie @destielbuddiepipeline @diazass @usercowboy @speaknowdiaz @swiftiebuckleys @comaboybuck @elvensorceress @alyxmastershipper @monsterrae1 @shortsighted-owl @honestlydarkprincess @jobairdxx @leewithme @enchantedbuckley @wildlife4life

[bengiyo]

Hello hello~~

I hope you're having a wonderful day~

I was reading your reblog of @waitmyturtles ITSAY review and a question came to mind.

Love of Siam was one of my first contacts with Thai media, and to this day I think of as special. One interesting thing I saw once, was how the Soonvijarn crew (p'Aof and friends, for those who don't know) talked about it. Idk if you've seen that video but if you haven't I highly recommend it.

They talk about how Love of Siam had been marketed as a coming of age straight love story, iirc. And how the public reacted to the "surprise they're gay", and how some had used that movie as a stepping stone to come out to their parents.

I feel there's a lot to be said about how Love of Siam, by itself (regardless of the plot (of which there's a lot to be said) and just taking the presentation of its characters), impacted Thai society and Thai Queer Cinema (and by extension BL) in the way it talks about or shows queer people.

But I am no film major, nor do I know enough about the reception of Love of Siam to articulate this. So I guess my question would be what are your thoughts on that?

I hope this makes sense cause maybe it doesn't, but in any case I just am dying to talk about this movie xD

I think it's hard from outside of Thailand to see exactly where these things go. At least from within America, I remain frustrated about what is genuinely possible from movies. I thought Moonlight (2016) would be a huge moment that led to a new wave of queer media, and it just doesn't exactly feel like we've felt that wave.

As for Thailand, I don't know what other factors were moving before Love of Siam frustrated a generation of audiences with its ending, but the fact that we've had well over 300 Thai BL productions since 2014 says a lot about where the culture was headed.

I think I will always have complicated feelings about this film, and I'm glad that the ending of ITSAY helped me put some of those feelings away.