#idk if i suceeded

[balsemicvinegar]

listening to love is for mortals and fools on loop 10/10 would recommend (bawling my eyes out)\

btw rem is so beautiful uahgoaoghaghaohi

[siriuslygay1981]

Barty shifted to the side, his heart beating rapidly. He felt shaky and like he might throw up. Clearing his throat he let his eyes jump to where Evan sat next to him casually.

He looked fucking beautiful,like always. His blonde hair was ruffled by the wind, his face slightly flushed. Barty watched with no little amount of affection as Evan closed his eyes and smiled.

"I love you." The words were out of his mouth before the words even formed in his mind.

The leafs around them rustled, the wind pushing against them. Bartys mouth open and closed, his stomach forming a black pit.

Fuck.

"uh.." Evan said awkwardly

"oh-" it felt like the word was punched out of him. Breathless and full of pain.

"yea...no YEA i-i was just- mm I'm going to..."

His limbs felt weird, his whole body felt out of place, his cheeks were warm with embarrassment. He cursed himself out mentally as he scrambled up and ran to the castle with a crumpling face and a breaking heart.

He didn't hear the faint call of his name too busy berating himself, he wiped at his face angrily and forced himself to keep going.

Way to go, ruin another friendship you idiot

__

Evan sat at the lake dumbfounded.

What the fuck.

He stared at the spot where Barty bolted from, his eyebrows pinched together. His heart thudding against his chest wildly, he pushed his hair out of his face as he tried to process everything that just happened.

What the fuck.

Part two

[spinosacha]

Holy shit they did not pull any punches jesus christ

[just-some-random-blogger]

idc idc here are my reactions to the new trailerssssss via (really long) shitpost RAAHHHHHHHH

*also i took the liberty and tagged some people in some parts lmao*

starting with the black trailer cos duhh i wanna see daemon lmao

starting off strong w caraxes (this is caraxes right?? 😭😭😭) honestly he ate that up. he like me fr. him screaming is how i reacted to his dad 😋

this shot is stunning. looking into the fire. the ominous sounds. (side note the fucking audio dialogue crunch wtf was that editing hbo??? the noise that harshly faded after she spoke ???????? AHHAHAH i can't blame you my audio be like that too)

HAHAHHAAAH HIS LIL SPIN HAS ME GAGGED HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA HES SUCH A LIL BOY @azperja UR BOY IS WILDING HAHHAAHAHAH LMAOOOOOOOO

im a simple girl i see daemon i screech @em-writes-stuff-sometimes ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

IS THIS CREGAN STARK ASFLJKHASFLKHASFLHASFH👹👹👹👹 NEXT TO BABY GIRL JACAERYS STRONG LOOK AT HIS BABY GIRL LIPS IDK @valeskafics THIS LOOKS LIKE IT CAME OUT ONE OF YOUR FICS?????? AM I ABOUT TO MAKE A JACE FIC????? HELPPPP

gWAYNEEE?????? HIGHTOWER????????????? RAHHHHHHHHHHHHH WITH HIS SLUTTY LIL BUSTED LIP?????????????? why are you in the blacks trailer tho?????????? who did you fuck up??? who fucked you up???????? omG IF YOU AND DADDY DAEMON FIGHT 🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦🫦

CUNT-C-CUNT-C-CUNT-CUNT. he is swag. he is emo. he is killing all the aemond girlies. @ewanmitchellcrumbs i have nothing to say to you other than hi how ya doin

and im a very simple girl 😋😋😋😋

i dont like the mourning girls ))): LEAVE MY GIRLS ALONE ☹

i would bend the knee to you daddy REEEEEEEEEEEEEE @em-writes-stuff-sometimes SHOULDER SHOT IN LIEU OF A CROTCH SHOT??????????????????

her dialogue 😫😫😫 ate. as it remains rhaenys is the only one with the braincell in this psycho barbie house and we love her for that

CUNT-C-CUNT-C-CUNT-CUNT. SHE SERVED SO HARD FUCKKKKK

now the green trailer

MY SAD GIRL LEAVE HER ALONE. congrats on having (one of) your oppressor(s) die tho (: it must be mentally tolling ):

[in response to alicent's dialogue] ok but you also knew viserys was delulu to the core????? he did the whole horse analogy to defend rhaenyra which was INSANE. 😔 its kinda sad you believe that in his dying breath he wanted to reconcile with you but even then he didnt give a fuck 💔💔💔💔💔 sorry alicent

ok but .... 👀👀👀👀👀👀 otto lookin kinda scruptious !!! @ewanmitchellcrumbs WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME??!?!?! tbh no regrets 😋😋 more food for me

I KNOW I ALREADY REACTED TO THIS BUT HAHAHAHAHA ITS SO FUCKING FUNNY HES SO UNSERIOUS WITH THE TWIRL. AND THE CAPTION IS PERFECT WAHAHAH VISERYS ROLLIN IN HIS GRAVE TO KNOW THIS IDIOT SUCEEDED HIM AND HONESTLY AEGON ATE WITH THAT. THE ULTIMATE REVENGE 😫😫😫 SERVE KING GIVE US NOTHING AND GIVE US CUNT ALL AT ONCE HAHAHHAHA @azperja AHHAH WALA LANG TAG LANG KITA ULIT HAHHAH

@em-writes-stuff-sometimes no but the SHOULDER SHOT IM BEING SO SERIOUS RN ITS SOOO RAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

hes salty because daemon and him are fighting again 😔💔 ASLKFHASF NO BUT WHY HE LOOK SO MAD???🤨🤨 HAHAHHAHHAH (ok fine fine hes mad because theyre about to go to war. id be mad too)

I DONT KNOW im taking a wild guess here. . . is this alys? ........... ??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? idk idk i dont know enough about asoiaf to be guessing tbh

hes so dramatic. arent you the same man that begged your younger brother to let you flee and be rid of this burden? smh. had the crowds screaming your name once and now you think ur a rockstar. its ok ur @azperja's rockstar 😋

this line has me gagged 😭😭🤣🤣 GO KING. GO FUCK UP YOUR FAM AND THE REST OF THE SEVEN REALMS AS CASUALTY. i cant take him seriously. i cant 💀💀💀 YOURE THE GUY THAT JERKED OFF BY THE WINDOW 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 CRYINGGGGGGGGGGG and the fact this scene is directly followed by him showcasing his mommy issues 😔 poor pathetic meowmeow

STOPPP 💀💀💀💀✋✋✋✋✋ I CANT TAKE HIM SERIOUSLY EITHER. HE SAW DAEMON CHOP UP VAEMONDS HEAD AND HAS BEEN HORNY EVER SINCE.

oh wait fuck i forgot he killed lucerys 💀💀💀💀💀😬😬😬😬 asfhlashfhsafhasf wAIT HE KNOWS DAEMON IS COMING FOR HIM WAIT LASFHHASFHASFFASOHASF WAITTT IT JUST CLICKED HES SCARED FUCK FUCK FUCK

hes so fucking hot what the fuck @ewanmitchellcrumbs i get why you dedicated an entire blog for this man. felt. BUT WHY WAR? LEMME BRAID UR HAIR INSTEAD???????? STOBIT

💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔 STOP HURTING ALICENT WHAT THE FUCK STOP IT

IDK WHO SHE IS BUT SHE ATE. IS THAT A STAG I SEE ARE YOU A BARATHEON SLAYYYYYYY..... is she a she or is he a he i... i cant tell. either way v pretty v intrigued

?????????????????????????? WHY HE LOOK YASSIFIED IN THIS 💀💀💀 sOBBING

i HATE the fact they cut his hair. cole is now 10x more unbearable what the fuck. JUSTICE FOR FABIEN he had such pretty hair

❓❓❓❓❓❓❓❓❓❓ men that crave war are the scabs of society

HONESTLY HOW IS VHAGAR (this is vhagar right????) NOT RIPPING HER WINGS MORE WHEN SHE FLIES?????? THE HOLESSSSS ARE INSANEEEEEE

💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔💔 women

both of these trailers ending with their support for their preferred monarch is such a slay detail to add. THEY SHOULD RELEASE THE SHOW SOONER

[akirameta84]

i ship a LOT of saiki ships but ironically one of the most popular ones isnt on that list: torisai. its not that much of an exaggeration, especially on the tumblr fandom. its very popular lmfao

i just...dont see it. i think its because i dont like toritsuka enough. hes great, dont get me wrong, hes gonna have decently large roles in three of my longfics if two of em ever get to his (since hes in chap 1 of another) but...i dont see it. ive never seen it. and i feel like the only person in the fandom who doesnt lmfao

please dont try and convince me or anything, it wont work. ive tried to see it. but i dont. toritsuka and saiki just flat out dont mesh at all romantically for me. and part of it is because toritsuka is also just pretty gross

did he get better? yes. but he was a pervert at the start. he's done disgusting things. he has actively peeped on girls using ghosts. not even just wanted to. idk if the anime had it, but he definitely has suceeded in stuff like learning about their underwear in the manga.

and when he saw saiki as a girl his first thought was about saikis fucking boobs. thats disgusting. he said it out loud. it wouldve been okay if it was just a thought, that cant be controlled, but it wasnt. he said it

hes gotten better. i think post canon he has potential to be even better, because we havent seen much of how hes changed after the cat tank, honestly. but part of it is because i dont care to explore post canon scenarios with specifically toritsuka so i dont consider him past canon, rip. he has a good place in my heart because i do like him a lot, but at the same time...he just. doesn't go with saiki for me. at all.

mini rant over, sorry. i love seeing the art and stuff though

edit: i do feel like they have a decent sibling relationship, though, lol. i actually think on reflection that part of the reason i dont ship it is because they seem like brothers to me if anything

[nanagloom55]

I want to talk abt Sabine, again !! please correct me if anything is "wrong" in my interpretation. (neurodivergence got me, sorry lads)

I saw some people on the clock app reacting to Sabine's quest, and it's not that i completely disagree with what they said, but idk i need to give my opinion...

To give context, I'll explain Who is Sabine, and HOW i see her.

Sabine is one of the main antagonists of SSL and SSO, more recently she got a redesign (which isn't bad, I'm actually quite a fan of it). Some people like it, some people thrist over it, someone people hate it... Yea, you see it, Sabine's whole personnality is NOW based on her physical appearence. In SSL and early SSO, she was quite the problematic girl, and she wasn't that noticeable compared to now??

Anyways, back to now, I noticed that SSO is now using her as a mascot (just look at their tiktok and IG, it's full of SABINE thirsty posts). She's basically an object now. Object of the community, and i remember y'all this girl is barely eighteen, even if we don't really see it...

The redesign IS GOOD, it's objectively good, but uh... Star stable please, stop that thing with her, some people like her as a character, not a damn object.

Even the whole flirting thing.. The quests are between a pain and corny sh¡t, I wish i could see the Sabine that pointed out all the billshit about Jorvik, that nothing makes sense. I want a girl actually showing a damn personnality trait instead of being... what she is rn.

The Jorvik festival's quests are good. But would be even more cool without that... weird ambiance, atmosphere.

They suceeded with Katja, why not with Sabine ? Katja is a good character ! No thirst or anything, just cool violin and traumatised girl.

(sorry for bad english, again)

[killerrobot-killingmatch]

Mettaton Propaganda

These all came in with Mettaton's propoganda

he has a cooking show that’s literally called cooking with a killer robot. what’s not to love. also he can be a calculator on a wheel or he can be FABULOUS.

cool trans robot guy :-)

He is literally the best, he’s so gender,,,, he slays for the lgbtq+ community 

TRANSGENDERISM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ohhhhh yeeeessssss

world's most fabulous murder robot. canonically hot as shit whether he's a box or a man with very nice legs. depending on how many people you kill he can become the new king of the underground at the end of the game. a dress he wore has transgendered at least two people. that sound clip of him saying OHHHH YEEEEESSSSSS is truly iconic. his battle themes fuck. he fucks. he's pathetic. he only looks a little like a parody of david bowie. i love him. he's even transgender

He’s a trans icon. He’s everyone’s favorite sexy rectangle. His style and charm are unmatched. He looks like a shojuo anime character on steroids because his creator was a massive weeb. He made 48 hours worth of movies where he just sits on the ground and has rose petals fall on him. He poses dramatically when things don’t turn out right. He tries to kill you with a chainsaw on live TV and has an attack where he smashes his knee-high neon pink stiletto heels into your face. He runs down his own battery because he vogued too hard and served too much cunt. Did I mention he’s a trans icon. He is the moment. Mettaton is everything.

The best killer robot TV host, actor, and producer. That's it.

he literally has a tv show called "cooking with a killer robot". also he's a trans icon

He. Idk what to say. He is a robot that tries to kill the mc, sometimes suceeding. He has a show called attack of the killer robot or smth like that

he’s shiny he’s glamorous he loves drama he loves violence he loves bloodshed he covers food in sequins and glitter glue he’s a pop star he’s an actor…. he’s even transgender

Yes.

well for one, he is so amazing and the "killer robot" bit comes from the fact that his cooking show is called "cooking with a KILLER ROBOT" and one of his catchphrases is "drama, romance, BLOODSHED." so yeah! Sorry if this wasn't phrased well I'm not good with words lol

[pocketramblr]

Yeah apparently, per my mom, dad dude was being an asshole and tried to mock me because i just lost my mom (who even does that ?!) So I, naturally apparently looked at his arm in biting range and bit down and just also. Didnt let go ? Idk my mom doesnt knoe the exact details only that i didnt get in trouble cause it was a stress response (idk how my mom made my teachers believe THAT ).

Afterwards i had to promise not to bite ppl again at school. Kinda suceeded in the at school psrt on that one tho lol

I can see why your teachers would let it go but also Nura you're the reason we have to tell kids things like "don't put that in your mouth you don't know where it's been"

[another-blog-about-miis]

I'm assuming that you know what the bad end friends are

If not

Bad end friends-versions of certain characters that came from a diferent ending based on one alteration in the story lead of their media, more especifically a bad ending

(To me, a version of eteled that manipulated and took over sams body

Like for example= if Bill cipher from gravity falls suceeded(idk how to explain it more please search cuz my explanation Is pretty ass)

Anyways if wdy would have a bad end friend what would it be?

or maybe if sam died during the wii chase and kyle succeeded in destroying the wii but however is haunted by sam till death)

Well if I were to make one it would be something like this:

Austin takes control of Kyle's body making Kyle's soul leave his body. Austin would be cruel to Sam and steal the Wii so he can continue torturing Eteled. He'd be nice towards Jonathan and Mike of course but they'll notice that he's not acting like himself and get worried.

Kyle would try to communicate with Sam through writing on papers.

Fun fact if Austin (while in Kyle's body) is in front of a mirror you'll see Austin. Sam knows Austin is possessing Kyle's body.

[beardedmrbean]

its a game about how one sibling abuses the other sibling who then proceeds to do things he knows are wrong because he is under the control of the sister, emotionally, but he is still in the wrong. It is not unusual that in such cases the limits are blurred and incest can happen. there was also murder and other stuff before that. the brother has also almost murdered the sister because she has pushed him too far. it's an unhealthy relationship, but it happens to be some people's kink and it causes this problem where the people who think it's sexy talk about the game as if it's only kink and the people with zero reading comprehension believe that the game is 100% telling the players that the relationship is sexy. even if it is portrayed as kink (idk i didn't finish the game), the incest part seems to be important to show that the relationship has pushed too many boundaries and the sister has suceeded in cutting off the brother's relationships, while the brother has failed to impose himself. also how their parents not providing anything for them has caused their relationship to be this blurred line regarding limits, since they couldn't count on them to provide anything for them. that being said, i saw where it was heading and didn't want to be there for it so i think one could just opt out of finishing the experience idk if they tried to hide the incest at any point, it was pretty clear, maybe if people were caught off guard they have a reason to be upset but there's cannibalism in the first act ya know

I really wish that dyslexie font did any good for me when it comes to text walls.

Not your fault, it's easier on the computer than it is on paper since I can at least highlight as I go.

What in the world is up with video game plots these days, need to go back to a ninja avenging his father and saving the girl and the whatever country the game is localized for.

Broad appeal is dead I suppose, good heavens.

But as long as everyone is having fun and people can grasp the concept of fiction it's all good.

Thank you for the rundown

[danpuff-ao3]

2022 round-up

Thanks for the tag @cindle-writes!! I do have fun with these things!

Rules:

Post the top 5 works you're most proud of that you released in 2022 (not necessarily your most popular),

your top 4 current WIPs that you're excited to release in the new year,

your top 3 biggest improvements in your writing over the past year,

your top 2 resolutions (ways you wish to improve your writing/blog) for the new year,

and your number 1 favorite line you've written this year!

Tagging: @bluesundaycake, @fleetingdesires, @onbeinganangel, @broomsticks, @vdoshu, @thistlecatfics, @greenmegsnoham, @givereadersahug, @sugareey-makes-stuff, @ashariewrites, @makeitp1nk, @lumosatnight, @swoontodeath & anyone else who wants to join in the fun! (And no pressure to those I've tagged, of course!)

5 Fics

Contempt [Snarry, E, 20k] - (oh yes, THAT'S RIGHT, another opportunity taken to talk about my PRIDE & JOY, my HEART & SOUL, my beloved Contempt.) (Don't look at me, this is Cindle's fault, they tagged me.) Anyway. For the uninitiated. Contempt is the best thing I've ever written ever and is the product of 19 years of Snarry obsession love and untold years preoccupied with the very specific idea of Harry's really complicated, really negative feelings towards Snape. This fic contains every Snarry feel I've ever had. And I'm glad I wasn't able to write it all those years ago, because I definitely didn't have the skill or life experience to do it justice in ye olden days.

A Matter of Time [Snarry, E, 3k.] - the second best fic I've ever written! Yes, my 2 best works came out of 2022. How? Idk. Am I levelling up?? Let's hope so! Anyway: this is an angsty little piece full of my favorite things: tragedy, discovery, judgment, open endings. It was also a bit of a writing challenge, both in the alternating POVs (which I don't often do) and the reverse chronology! Also that last line was a sucker punch to the gut. And the heart. And all other major organs, probably. I'm quite proud of it, I'm not gonna lie. (Also, when AAP was still in Anon stage, my dear friend Nina DMed me all "DANNI, WAS THAT YOU??" Fun times.)

In My Veins (In My Blood) [Snarry, Harry/others, E, 7k] - this one is a dead dove monstrosity, I won't lie to you. It's not even "fun" dead dove. It's genuinely super intense and dark and super messed up. Voldemort wins. Non-con. Humiliation. And more! (Seriously, read the tags on that one.) (I had a dead dove connoisseur comment that of all the extreme dead dove they've read, this was the one that made them sad. Which made me sad. And also a little smug.) (I had to get smug to erase the sads, okay?) Anyway...I don't know. This is really a horrific story that I don't recommend anyone read, but I'm stupidly proud of what I accomplished with it.

Black Skies [Snegulus, Regulus/Sirius, E, 7k.] - Marauders' Era, Regulus POV. Underage, obvious incest. Jealousy! Angst! It was a fun exploration of Regulus' character and how I see him. And exploring 2 Regulus ships I love at the same time. All the wrongness, the complication, the emotion. Oh, and the smut. The smut is very good on this one, not gonna lie. The best part, though, is that one reader told me that this story portrayed an idea I believe strongly in: letting characters be flawed, internally and externally, and giving that respect and admiration. Handling the admission of those flaws with loving hands. That I suceeded here is just like...yes! I do practice what I preach! Can you feel my love?? You CAN? Excellent!

Orange Blossoms [Snarry, T, 3k.] - Snarry + flowers? + courtship? + student/teacher?? Yes please, and thank you. It really began as my desire for Snarry + flowers, and my decision to write a fic for HP Flowers for my own birthday. I was really quite resigned to writing a very simple, short piece for it. But this fic had a mind of its own, and became so much more! Between the floriography, the symbolism, the poetic nature, the Snarry dynamic, the traditions...I don't know, it all sort of came together into a story that made me genuinely happy, and one I was quite pleased with! It's quite bittersweet, a love story set during wartime, and the comforts people turn to in such dire circumstances.

4 WIPs

smile with sweet surprise (chapter 3) [Snarry, Snily, E, WIP] - this story and I have a complicated history, but I'm bound and determined to finish it! Even if it means posting one chapter per year, which looks like it's going to be a real thing and not just a joke. Oops. It's Snarry featuring Stepdad Snape, underage filth, and mega angst. A fun time for all, basically! And with luck chapter 3 will be out next year! I'm feeling mightily inspired after a lovely comment from @inarticulateimbecile!

Magic in the Stars: Astrological Essays on Wizarding World Characters and Relationships [meta] - the working title of my HP Astro series when I post it to AO3! I'm gearing up to post it on January 3rd! It won't feature all current essays right away, just the ones I manage to edit by the third. Then I'll do bulk chapter uploads maybe quarterly, as to not bombard my poor subscribers haha! I've done a lot of prep work (and HTML!) on this one to have it be as book-like as possible, and I'm very excited to share it!

[Hoggywartyxmas] - can't share the title just yet, sorry! I'm not sure as of yet when it will go up on LJ, but I know I'll be putting it on AO3 myself January 9th (author reveals!) So...okay maybe this one is less of a WIP and more of a complete fic sitting in my drafts. But hey! It sorta counts towards "releasing in 2023."

[Untitled Dralbus fic] - I make no promises on this one, actually, but in theory I'd really like to finish and post this one next year! Like smile, it has a complicated history linked to my old friend group. This link makes both fics difficult to work on, but also makes me super determined to finish both! Because I'll be damned if those people keep me down! They've done plenty enough of that, methinks, without letting them affect my writing!

3 Improvements

Less obsessing over stats - I've taken active measures to stop fretting so much and focusing on numbers. I've set up a system to not check my statistics page during the week, only on weekends. And I'm working towards checking my profile less (as to not gawk at each story's statistics), though it would help if I stopped being lazy and implemented a site skin that will hide those things. But I'm not doing half bad for relying on self-discipline!

Writing longer works! Back in ye olden days all I wrote were ridiculously long fics. When I came back in 2019 I dove onto the opposite end of things: shortfic! Which was great, but I sort of trained my brain to think that anything past a certain word count was rambling, meandering, and unnecessary. I've started to become better at allowing stories to get longer and sort of gauge what works for the story, rather than relying on numbers for my success. (My reliance on word count here, and my obsession with stats in 1 are hilarious when you know my lifelong undying hatred of math and numbers.)

Letting go/saying no - I have a terrible compulsion to stick things out and see them through to the end, to my own detriment. It's been healthy for me to look at projects and activities and decide whether I can actually accomplish those goals while taking care of myself. And stepping back if I realize that pushing towards those goals will be harmful to me.

2 Resolutions

Work on "Three of Hearts", the longfic I've been talking about for ages! Even better if I can write and finish it, but for my sanity's sake let's just say I'll make some progress on it somewhere!

No more fests Snarry Bang. And maybe Snarry-a-Thon. ...Cut back on the number of fests while still attempting a few special Snarry ones? (I stg I need a babysitter...) (For myself, yes.)

1 Line

This is the single rudest question I've ever been asked in my entire life and it keeps coming up!!!! I've posted over 70k words this year!! Written over 90k!!!! 19 works this year!!!! And I have to narrow it down to 1 line???? Jesus H. Merlin Christ. Oh well, let me rummage through Contempt and find something.

How can Harry not despise him? It's been ages since he's been in Severus' arms, and the moment he is, he — it's — damn him, but it's wrong how right it feels. Like all of his broken pieces have been gathered up and stored in a box for safekeeping.

[iam-siriuslysher-lokid]

HELP ME

idk where else I should be posting this but I just want to get this out of my system

my crush/college mate has invited me to watch thor 4 w him and his circle... and im overthinking things

backstory:

College of Engineering

he's that kind of "everybody's crush" guy and he's also fairly popular within our batch bc of his good looks. when we were in our 1st year, we became close as I am "one of the boys" kind of girl (yes I have more guy friends than girl friends) and I became close w the boys circle.

bc I was hanging out so often w the boys circle and sometimes the boys would intentionally sit apart from us...people started shipping us (they say we look good together). i didn't really believe it til our circle had a kind of an open forum.

during that open forum, some of the guys asked him if he was courting someone or if he has a crush. suddenly he looked at me for a split second and he says he's thinking but it's possible that he wants a girlfriend soon.

fast forward>>>>>

i confessed to him on our 2nd year of college. I thought I assumed right with us getting closer with each other but during that time he only said "Thank you" back to me and reassuring me that we were good friends and he appreciates my adoration for him. that hurts but maybe I was just really wrong about us being mutual in feelings.

3rd year I decided to join another group circle as some of the boys circle priorities do not align with mine (yeah they'd want to be on internet cafes all the time whilst I wanted to be at the library to study). that was the start of my friendship with them falling apart... but I couldn't do anything much. I need to study hard and I also would want to move on from the hurt 😞

fast forward>>>>>

in middle of our 3rd year 2nd semester, he and his family decided to move to japan. I didn't even get to say goodbye personally nor do I want to chat him online about it. I kind of wanted to forget him...

One year passed. I was walking home...I saw 2 familiar men walking out of a car. I saw his dad and then I saw him. I was frozen at the spot. My brain went haywire thinking 'that's not him. it's impossible. he is in Japan.' While I was stunned, I didn't realize his dad saw me and called him. He suddenly ran to me and hugged me without words. I was hesitant to hug him back bc im not used to guy friends hugging me back. It was kind of a relationship thing only. But I slowly did. It was a good minute of hug. Also, his perfume was so damn good! We took a step back and I was just screaming questions to him like 'why are you here? are you taking a vacation? why did you not tell us you're coming back? like if I did not see you here today I wouldn't know.' he answered he didn't want anybody to know yet and he wanted to surprise his friends (his childhood friend circle). But he told me he was glad to see a familiar face and that it was me, the first person to know that he's back.

He didn't return to the same college. He came back but he studied in a different university. So our interaction, was good as the last (I rarely chat w him). Or so i thought...

4th and 5th year of college went by. I graduated along with all of our batch. It was a satisfying victory! I took the licensure exam and passed the following year then continued to find work the suceeding months.

Then came the pandemic, the lockdowns.

Most of my social needs were fulfilled by video calls and gaming w strangers turn friends online. It's because I created a discord server and the game devs recognized it as an official discord server so yeah, my name (or perhaps username) got kind of popular among the players of the game. I wasn't really good at the game really.

Also to note, the guy and I don't follow each other in our social media accounts. And I was surprised during the early 2020, he followed me on IG. And chatted me about the discord server bc he heard about it and thought maybe I could play w him and his friends sometimes. I said yeah why not. I just shrugged like what could go wrong. I don't have any feelings for you anymore (I'm talking to myself) so it'd be just another typical gaming nights w friends. It was really fun ngl. I got to keep up with the boys again. They tell me stories of their shenanigans and I tell them mine. We pretty much hung out every night during 2020-2021. But with everybody getting busy with their work, also I. The online hangout gradually stopped during early 2022.

Oh yeah I forgot to note, we love MARVEL. It's all we talk about, me and the boys. So when a new marvel show or movie comes out, for sure we'll be chatting about it.

Then come Thor 4 and my obsession with Taika...

No one was ever going to stop me talking about my love for Taika and my anticipation for Thor: Love and Thunder and our group chat was no exception. He then invited me to their scheduled gala (hang out). It will be the boys circle again and me. I went with them, we watched thor 4 and guess what...HE SAT BESIDE ME. No one was sitting on my other side so I could hear his breathing or when he whispers something to my ear when he points out something that is going on on TLAT (we had our theories for the plot). I was basically squealing and sobbing throughout the movie and I can hear him silently laughing at me bc he knows I love Taika and he'll point out EVERY single scene whenever Korg is there lmao.

I had a really good fun! That was the first time ever after 4 years that I got to see them, and him, in person.

And because of that, I'm overthinking again. I thought I'd moved on but idk anymore. Maybe I have feelings for him again??? GOSH HELP ME

PS. He is single.

PPS. But I'm not sure if he's courting/dating someone so I'll never know. Guess I'll die.

[purringbookworm97]

Space asks! Saturn, Canopus, Cassiopeia, Milky Way, Comet

Hiya again! Here for the spacey questions!

Saturn: Any pets?  Yes! My lovely son Hypnos (fluffy black cat who cuddled me all morning) who is 2yo and well-behaved! (a lil minx anyway cuz cat, but I love him okay?)

Canopus: Have you ever broken a bone?  Yep, two actually, my collarbone when I was like, 8? Doing Aikido, and my elbow when I was 10, doing Aikido again... guess what my mom did? Took me out of Aikido classes...

Cassiopeia: Favourite book? That's hard, man, I've read amazing books an fanfiction during this short life, it's hard to choose! But okay, so I usually re-read all Percy Jackson and affiliated series once a year, but I've also read and ADORED Six of Crows from Leigh Bardugo (met the actors of the series too) and I grew up Worshipping Ellana from Pierre Bottero (best female character I've ever read, she was so cool)! Idk if it answers the question, but I tried!

Milky Way: Who’s your oldest friend? He's actually an ex of mine, I've known him for more than 10 years, and we dated before we both realized we were trans. That realtionship was very strange, and we're def better off as friends!

Comet: What’s your big dream?  Honestly? I don't exactly have a particular one, but being happy? Like, suceeding in my transition, achieving a stable way of life that would allow me enough freedom to cultivate interests and relationships, meeting people who make me happy, and going places that fulfill me spiritually? Healing my inner child? Viewing the world with eyes unclouded by fear and hate? I think that's a good dream!

Thank you for asking, Magpie!

[homophyte]

okay plants update. we are officially two weeks out from bringing stuff out of dormancy! started the first week of november, going to get them out the second week of february. unfortunately its still pretty cold here but the light increase should still help out until it defrosts. heres what were looking at:

this is just basically how stuff is going. i went away for like 2 weeks in late december and had a family member helping with plants but there were some issues w keeping humidity and water--nothing so serious as to cause a real problem or anything very concerning but the ampullaria is doing. uhm. i dont know what its doing but it started when i was away.

this leaf is...drunk. i guess. ive had leaves deform for low humidity before but nowhere near this much. i guess it might have been the shock of going from high to very low humidity all of a sudden making it worse when my family member had the humidifier off for a day or so to figure out how it worked but like...ive never seen this happen. its a perfectly healthy leaf so i cant really complain its just not...supposed to look like that. the basal leaves are also yellowing a lot which happened to the ventrata when it made basals and the ampullaria is making basals so im assuming its not a problem for now. speaking of, some of the basals are having the same problem:

im gonna be honest this is so weird to me. it was not doing this before and i hasnt stopped doing it since. theyre just...curly. and a little damaged on the ends. i dont know why. im thinking its probably related similarly to the humidity while they were developing but like...maybe also the lower water than usual??? cause the basals tend to curl when they need water?? i really dont know. im not worried, again, but just...what.

so heres an update on some the plants ive been taking care of for my mom:

we changed the desk it was on to use less space, and everything is good! been growing like gangbusters actually. and yes, those are flower spikes on the orchids! check it out!

should be blooming soon :)

heres the last update: pitcher growth. im not expecting much cause it is the winter and no matter what i do its gonna be colder than ideal and the sun less intense. whats weird is that most of the small pitchers i have have been growing pitchers like crazy, and i cant figure out why 1) some of them arent and 2) why the large ones arent. the ampullaria i know is going to be slow, and probably wont make pitchers until the basals are more developed....but it had undeveloped pitchers and killed them off, they never finished cooking. idk why. the pitchers on moe have been slowly dying from the tip down (ie age death, normal) which is very distressing! it might have no pitchers at all left very soon! even its basals, which are at this point huge, the size of moe when i got her at least, arent pitchering at all. the worst is the small plants that arent--the gayas and ventrata basals that were separated have huge and deeply colored pitchers.....the one thats probably a bloody mary hasnt made any and is also slowly killing its remaining pitchers. the crazy thing is theyre still making huge leaves! like, leaf jump sized, very happy, just....no pitchers! idk whats up with it! if it continues when it gets warmer thats when im gonna start worrying for now...who knows???

last thing to say about pitchers is one of the moe basals that has been really suceeding is having a minor pitcher problem idk what to do with. (note the very happy and large developing pitcher!!!)

so that grey fuzz is mold of some kind. this isnt really a big deal especially cause its on the outside of the pitcher--if it had been inside eating the decaying insects and then spread to start eating the outside of the pitcher it would be a bit of a bigger deal--ive had this happen to moe and it gets kinda gnarly, eats through the pitchers very fast. i think it only happens if the pitcher itself is already dying--the kind of fungus that would be in the pitcher eating the bugs really only eats stuff that already dead. but thats not whats going on here, so im kinda...what do i do about it??? this is a perfectly happy pitcher with a meal inside that should be nourishing the plant, that probably wont see very severe damage from the mold--but it definitely could happen. where the mold is id have to take off the whole pitcher if i did, though. heres some close ups:

can i have opinions on this?? idc if you dont have experience i just kinda need to jump one way or the other.

[eternalvoidsystem]

life update

hello void. normally trauma holders or other important people are doing updates here but its me, mari, this time.

shit has been crazy the past few months. grad year is weird, so busy, so extremely busy. i don’t want to stop doing things even though i need to.

we made a few new friends, including someone i will call A. they are very nice, 2 years younger than us which is cool but idk how to act around younger people. i hope i don’t act weirdly. they are nice and i want to be an older sibling figure to them, it feels right. i wanna show them what an older person that looks like them suceeding is like. what a person that struggles looks like going into adulthood. they are cool, funny, weird, amazing, i like them.

we have a new partner, i will call CB. CB is one of the weirdest people ive met, i love them. they are like me in that way, a freak.

im not as beautiful with words as other alters are. i can’t write for shit, i can barely remember how to use stupid words half the time. but i know things are better, a lot better. we are terrified of fucking this up, we are so so scared. we did not expect shit to become better, we thought we were fucked for all of our life to not trust anyone. and here we are.

me, maria, i am a fragmented alter. i am not a full one so my fronting times are lower, my personality blends in with others. but i do have feelings that are different from the others. one thing, i cannot do sexual acts in this body yet i enjoy sex so much. i enjoy making people feel good that way but i make this body feel wrong, it hates me. its the same in the headspce tho, my body doesn’t like sexual things. i do, it feels amazing pleasing someone like that, but it doesn’t Feel feel good. even when i have physical reactions too. ykwim.

its weird i hate it because i feel like im letting my partners down. but gabi a new alter weirdly helps with those feelings so yay?

lesbians cheer me on!

[sonknuxadow]

uhhhhh attempt at an au rouge design

gonna ramble about this in the tags bc i dont want this to be a long post <3