#idk it just settles me off how im on repeat getting told how if i fail theres a backup but not whay i want cause my work is so difficult to

[richkidcityfriends]

your opinion on 2022 winter Olympics

okay so im assuming this is only about figure skating and i mean oml there was so much going on. below the cut bc i think this is gonna be long.

okay so FIRST OF ALL the kamila valieva situation. where to begin. (as a note: none of this is a statement on her except in relation to the 2022 olys)

the positive test being from rusnats and only being found out in february is weird. idk if we ever found out exactly why that happened? but i can only assume it was meddling from the russian end.

i think the media response was cruel, and i think part of that was a lot of people were trying to talk about it without knowing the full situation, but the amount of vicious hate and blame kamila received was unjustified. she was fifteen years old and in an abusive situation, to what extent she knew about the doping is irrelevant in my mind, the blame falls on the adults in power (mainly her coaches). eteri tutberidze is notoriously controlling and abusive, and there is no way any of that was happening without her being responsible. she controls the amount of WATER her skaters can drink. skating at that level, especially in russia, your coach is practically your primary guardian; if eteri told her to dope then there was pretty much nothing she could do. only eteri girls were ever going to go to the olympics, if she switched coaches that would have ended her life's goal (and the way they train is so all-consuming that to not get to the olympics at all would have felt life shattering).

should she have been been allowed to skate? i dont think so. at least partially bc it essentially proves to coaches that you can "get away with" doping as long as the people you are drugging are children. obviously having an athlete who has taken performance enhancing drugs is unfair to everyone else, but that goes without saying. HOWEVER i do understand the worry that the test could have been wrong or she might not have known, either way it would have been unfair to her. (the "irreparable harm" quote is always taken out of context - they meant that if she skated and was found guilty they could strip her of the medal, but if she was banned and found innocent there was no fixing it). ultimately though i think letting her skate was the wrong decision (especially since the case STILL hasnt been settled).

i dont think eteri told her to throw the free to make sure the others got their medals, because she looked so traumatised afterwards and eteri reacted so badly (ive never understood this theory tbh)

that was the first scandal from the olys but oml it was definitely not the last. there was so much going on. olympics from hell. lets talk about the womens podium.

(but first a note on ultra c elements: do i think the sport is suffering because of the increased value placed on jumps? yes. do i think artistry is important? absolutely. do i think there is a conversation to be had about the morals of training young children (especially girls) to do dangerous jumps that cause permanent damage to their bodies? one hundred fucking percent. things need to change in this sport. however. i will make repeated references to whether or not someone is jumping ultra c when discussing the podium, because that is how its scored atm, and i do think that they aren’t irrelevant (it is a sport, athletic feats are also important) just please please know that i am also taking artistry into account its just harder to objectively phrase in a short paragraph and this is already long enough). okay caveat over. please no one attack me. lets go.

look i KNOW the most pressing question is do i think anna deserved gold HOWEVER. have you considered. did anna deserve to be sent to the olympics at all. and this makes me insane because like?? skating like she did at the olys?? yeah she probably deserved to be there!! so it kinda seems mean to talk about this but ALSO i feel like we definitely have to not forget it so. the russian olympic team was pretty much based off of the podium for rusnats, which that year was kamila, sasha, anna. but anna in third place was veryyy controversial bc like. she had no ultra c elements at all (and her tech is DODGY so without them it gets even harder to justify her high scores) but elizaveta had a triple axel (and better tech) so a LOT of people thought that she should have come third, but rusfed just wanted to send anna to the olys instead (which i pretty much agree with).

but okay whether you like it or not she DID make the olympic team so. womens olympic podium. a grenade of a question. everyone is allowed their own opinions on it im not saying anyone is wrong if they think differently!!!!! also im only going to talk about the top five bc this is already wayyy too long.

i know on tiktok a while back the popular opinion was that wakaba should’ve been gold, which i don’t really agree with, however she absolutely should not have been fifth. no doubt in my mind she should have been at LEAST fourth, if not third. kamila should have been behind her i don’t care how many quads she was attempting, she fell like five times. she got through on reputation and the eteri bonus alone. kaori did skate cleanly, but with no triple c, and her tech isn’t great on some of her jumps, so wakaba (who fell on a jump, but had a triple axel, and generally better tech and artistry imo) could have come third and i would have been happy. anna i go back and forth on, because her artistry is alright, and technically she does jump quads, but her tech skills are SO questionable (her quad lutz is neither a quad nor a lutz). the tech bar for quads is lower than for triples, and i do kinda think that makes sense, but her quad tech is worse than most of the other quad jumping girls so it’s a fair comparison. i don’t think she deserved gold, but im never fully sure about silver either. honestly her, wakaba, and kaori can fight it out for second/third/fourth. in terms of actual skaters i like wakaba best, in terms of who performed best on the day i think you could make a compelling argument for any order.

that of course leaves sasha in first place. i know she fell on her triple axel in the short, but the only people who didn’t fall at all were anna (i’ll talk about her last) and kaori, and while triple c elements aren’t the only important thing, the skater who fell on one and landed five kind of has to be above the skater who attempted none at all, imo, so that puts kaori out of the running. wakaba fell once as well, and she definitely has the edge on artistry, but i don’t think sashas artistry was as bad as a lot of people say, especially in her short, so i don’t think thats quite enough to put wakaba ahead of sasha overall. sasha’s tech skills were so much higher than the rest of the skaters that i think it would be almost impossible to bridge that gap with artistry alone. lastly theres anna, who ofc actually won the ogm. two clean skates, slightly better artistry, much worse tech (i know sasha’s tech isn’t perfect either, but she’s definitely better – id say thanks to plushenko). annas tech should have been called, if not her edges then at least for prerotation. sasha fell on a triple axel and anna landed a double in the short, sasha landed five quads and anna landed two in the free. taking into account how poor her quad tech is, i don’t think that her artisty is enough to pass sasha.

however!!!! again i want to reiterate!!!!! everyone is allowed their own opinions on this!!! i do not give a damn if you think that anastasiia shabotova should have come first!!!! go you!!! to each their own <3

now for something that i do think you can wrong about. the reaction to sashas reaction to the scores was appalling. she was seventeen years old (a CHILD) in an extremely high stress situation and had been told by her (abusive, manipulative) coaches that if she landed all five quads she would win, and when this turned out to be untrue she got upset and had what was clearly a panic attack, asked not to be filmed and was ignored by every cameraman in the area, had to immediately go in front of millions of people while still being a mess, and was then attacked from all angles for being “ungrateful” and “showing bad sportsmanship.” show some empathy. (especially ppl who are still giving out about it now “on behalf of anna” when they seemed to be at least friendly again as soon as the very next day)

OKAY WE’RE ALMOST DONE i mostly only follow women’s so the rest of this is going to be brief

sui/han deserved ogm, my sister and i were rooting for miura/kihara to do well but we knew there was no chance for a medal. loving seeing them do so well rn.

nathan chen’s costume was ridiculous. last time i said my nathan chen take i got eaten alive on tiktok so im not gonna say much about him. he did deserve gold tho.

scoring felt harsh on yuzuru. wish he’d gotten another ogm but it wasn’t meant to be. im glad he got to attempt the quadruple axel at the olympics at least.

papadakis/cizeron ogm deserved.

oh MY god i forgot about the team event. pls someone save me. im so sorry i know no one wants this much. this isn’t even the worst i can do. i have talked at my friends for hours straight before about figure skating. i cant help it i have no control. we are going to ignore the team event okay. Just give them their medals. pls. i beg. they still don’t have their medals. i know it sucks for the rest of the russian team if they lose the gold bc kamila was stripped but you have to give the rest of them their medals.

anyway if you made it until the end here is a gold star ⭐ i don’t know how you did it.

[toestalucia]

(person with oarlyegrande obsession) idk if ill end up talking about all the white day lines i noted for myself but i DO wanna talk about alliahs

Alliah: I suppose I'll keep working at it. Perhaps we'll be able to open a patisserie together one day. That was a joke, of course. The patisserie part, not the working at it part.

Alliah: What? You've been practicing too? To open our patisserie? I told you that was a joke. We can't just— Wait, I see… You're talking about once we grow old, aren't you? We'll have to step down at some point after all. After we leave everything to our successors and retire, we open a little patisserie together… Not a bad idea. But to think that you were planning that far ahead… I'll have to step up my game.

because these are sooooooo cute LOL i am not a alliah/captain person, and while gran doesnt have anything against her, the entire thing was way too political & way too forced + uh. they dont want the king role anyway, give it alliahs mom instead, they were fine forcibly accepting it & the kings eye due to all the circumstances around it but longterm...no way...............get them out of there (theres a topic in grans personal conflicted feelings against istavion & how true king led it, regardless of his reasons. since those reasons directly fkd up grans family like.....LOL dad mightve made sure gran wouldnt set out with revenge in their heart but theyre not about to be besties with tau'luk or anything

i do think gran pulling the wife-card whenever they want to get out of anything would be funny tho. sorry im engaged i have to leave. the white day login story where they asked about ppls ideal proposals but its gran going ya u meet her father and he says hand in marriage right now and u cant say no

BUT i do think its cute to see them talk about settling down etc LOL like to me personally thats a huuuuge thing for gran to consider, like i dont take ones like these superseriously, and if i do its more in a '(gran voice) haha wouldnt it be funny if-' because they DO like alliah, just not enough to make a political marriage work. even less so when its istavion. alliah and pholia u r great but if they get too involved with istavion like that they dont think they can face their own father confidently. not that i think dad'd hate it (baragona and walfrid are both luminary knights now which is SO funny)

i dont know i just think the lil part of retiring........opening a little shop........its cute........i think its rlyyyyyyyy cute......... + with how alliah talks about her dad & how her wind fate eps goes i T_T just very much like it when she talks about things like this casually. dual alliah pholia unit NOW

Alliah: (When I was in that man's room to clean it in preparation for (Captain)'s arrival... I felt lonely. And if I felt that way, about even a parent I hardly shared an emotional bond with... The thought of seeing (Captain) return to find no one left—no one but a political marriage partner—is too much to even bear. So... is this for my own sake, or that of others? Good luck detangling that one, me.)

LIKE THIS LINEEEE ALLIAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH 'what reason have i to get so involved' buddy thats the person who didnt hesitate to jump off an island to save you, even at the cost of themself falling down the sky instead. i think theres something to unpack in there

i almost talked about cains fate eps again but u should read grand cain's intro fate its on repeat in my mind at all times. like. ? cain who stopped at the last second............'if only i had taken one more step'........my dude. (is obsessed with it cuz in his sr he's the one whos reckless and captains the one who runs after to protect him)

anyway i rly like wind alliahs fate eps actually. i like her laughing. i like the difference in how she was used to things with her dad vs how things are when captain&co are in that room.

Alliah: (The one who, with nothing to gain, risked everything to save my life... And—though it not be by choice, and in name only—joined my family... Despite it all, is here treating me like family, as naturally as the sun. And as my blood relatives have each disappeared, one after the other... So that's why. It's because this made me happy. Even if we are bound by not blood nor vows, I still want to be there for (Captain). If not as spouse, as partner; as family.)

;-; (rmbrd this is at a time when pholia is travelling on her own, tau'luk resigned the throne to captain, and she doesnt even rmbr her mom thanks to the otherworld....

like both her and the attendant laughing when captain lyria vyrn io goes 'seconds plssssss' makes me ssoooooooo happyyyyyyYYYY. the casualness in the crew.....the bonds.........the family.........i think its so lovely

[applehairboo]

ppl telling me these days i will always have a second job chance like mall cashier or designer and not incouraging me that i have determination and the will to achive my dreamjob as nations illustrator slut are rlly something uh

[vanserraseris]

END OF PART IV - This is just some more Lucien and Eris. Eris is pretty ooc, idk, I just imagine that Lucien and Eris got along at some point. I hope you enjoy it :)

yesssss im so here for lucien and eris being brothers <3 

Prince of Ashes. Part IV.

masterlist.

Eris had read the same business proposal three times. With a small, useless snarl, he threw the sheets of paper onto his desk and frustratedly rubbed at his eyes with the heels of his palms. He took a deep breath. His father had been demanding more from him, a strange thing Eris couldn’t understand considering how quickly his father had shoved him out of The Forest House after the War.

Eris had also managed to get into another fight with Cato, which, while a very common occurrence, still managed to leave him in a terrible mood. Blowing at a strand of blood-red hair that had fallen into his face, Eris lifted the proposal once more, hoping that this time the words would make some semblance of sense. When he became High Lord, Eris decided he was going to make his brothers answer all of his correspondence so that he wouldn’t have to.

Eris almost growled when the heavy oak door to his study slowly creaked open, but he opted to ignore whoever thought it would be a good idea to interrupt him. Perhaps they would just leave, Eris hoped, eyes scanning the document in front of him. With a scowl, Eris raised his head to snap at what was most likely a new servant, but when he saw no one at the door, Eris paused. He carefully placed the proposal off to the side, the fireplace on the other side of the small room flaring.

Just when Eris was about to stand, a small face peaked up at him from the opposite end of his desk. Eris frowned, “Lucien?” He asked it in a soft tone, one that he reserved for only three people in his life. Mother, Rufus, Lucien. Eris didn’t know what it was about them that put to sleep the dark thing inside him, but for whatever reason, he felt at peace in their presence.

“I knew you had come,” his youngest brother must have been on the tips of his toes to look over the desk at Eris. He didn’t look too pleased. 

The frown did not leave Eris’s face, “I am not to stay long, but I have much to do.” 

“You couldn’t be bothered to come say hello?” Lucien lifted his chin, the loose curls of his short hair shifting with the movement. Eris had not realised how upset Lucien was, his little face red in the cheeks with what Eris supposed was anger.

“Our father has given me a task, I can’t be spending the day with you,” too harsh for a child that had yet to reach half a decade, but Eris always had a hard time with softness. 

Lucien didn’t back down, with a small shake of his head he spoke, “You could have said hello.” 

“Go pester Rufus, Lucien,” Eris mumbled, lifting the paper and taking his eyes away from the sad gaze of his brother. Eris waved his other hand in the door’s direction, “Or go back to the lessons I know you should be in.”

Eris heard Lucien’s frustrated sigh and his small steps as he scrambled out of the room. While Eris knew that Beron paid very little attention to the whereabouts of Lucien, Eris had gotten plenty of beatings for missing a lesson. Noticing that Lucien had not closed the door but feeling much too lazy to do it himself, Eris settled once more into his cushioned chair. Grabbing a pen, Eris began to write out a lengthy response to the proposal.

He almost snorted when he got to the bottom of the page and signed it with his father’s name. As if Beron had such lovely writing, Eris thought rather arrogantly. His father hadn’t learned to do anything other than fight for the crown of the Autumn Court. He’d slaughtered five brothers for it. It was not hard to imagine how ruthless Beron must have been in his youth, but Eris also couldn’t believe how his father had killed his own brothers and slept at night.

Eris had always been thankful for having been firstborn. If being the eldest was good for nothing else, Eris was glad he wouldn’t be the one killing any siblings for a centuries old scrap of metal. 

Eris almost fell out of his seat when he heard the loud clang of the plate that landed on the desk, knocking him out of his miserable thoughts. Eris peered over the top of his desk, scowling. Red hair that was the same as his own was all he could see.

“Old Sae says you haven’t eaten,” Lucien made his way to Eris’s side, a small sneer on his face. Eris thought Lucien had never looked more like a Vanserra, like one of them — stubborn and determined, his chin tilted up and his nose lifted in a snobbish sort of way. 

“Lucien,” Eris began, but stopped to help his younger brother as he climbed onto the arm of the chair. “Fox, what in the hells are you doing?”

Lucien didn’t bother answering him — something that he did quite often — as he settled onto Eris’s lap, curling his small body up against his oldest brother. 

“Lucien,” Eris sighed, “I’m busy.” 

“I know,” Lucien said, looking up at Eris, russet eyes pleading, his mouth set in a pout, “I swear it, Eris, I swear that I won’t ask you to read to me or give me riddles or play chess with me, I swear.”

It was true that Lucien was always looking to Eris for attention, but he found it strangely calming to sit around with Lucien and do such ordinary things. Eris had thought about what he would do if he’d been born ordinary — if hadn’t been the Autumn Court’s heir — much more than he’d like to admit. 

Eris shook his head, but he was finding it very hard to say no. So much for not getting attached to the little runt, “I’m busy,” he repeated.

Lucien frowned, settling against Eris’s side and facing the desk, “So you be busy, and I’ll stay here and watch.” 

Eris felt something spark in his usually hollow chest. He sighed, leaning his chin onto the top of his brother’s head, hoping that Lucien understood how much Eris appreciated him in that moment. Lucien was a creature that gave love so freely, Eris prayed to the Mother that he would always be this way. “Alright,” Eris scooted the chair closer to the desk, “But I have a lot to do.”

Lucien hummed, knowing very well that he’d managed to do something great. Lucien had gotten very good at getting Rufus and their mother to do whatever he wanted, Eris was a bit more of a challenge. Small fingers lifting an apple slice from the plate he’d dropped onto the desk, Lucien handed it to Eris before he took a slice for himself and bit into it. Eris ruffled Lucien’s red locks, biting into his own apple slice with a small smile.

And so that was how Eris would spend the rest of his day. With Lucien sat quietly on his lap as he did the brunt of his father’s paperwork. Lucien had stayed true to his word and hadn’t asked Eris for anything. The sun had set by the time Eris was on the last letter, some marriage request for a young female in the aristocracy. The lord was hoping for a beneficial union between his daughter and one of the Vanserras.

Eris guessed that no harm would come from throwing that particular letter in the fire. It would be just his luck that Beron would choose another potential bride for him, assuming the old bastard had forgotten what a disaster it’d been the last time he had tried to marry Eris off to the first available female. With a knock on the door to his study, Eris wrapped an arm around little Lucien, who’d fallen asleep against his side. The door was thrown open, Priam walking inside with silent steps.

“Father knows Lucien missed his lessons and wants to speak with you,” he sounded calm and unbothered, but the embers flaring in his russett eyes gave away the fact that some emotion was brewing behind that cold façade. 

Brilliant, Eris thought, handing the sleeping Lucien to Priam, “Find Rufus,” Eris said, trying to keep his frustration at bay. He often had to remind himself that none of his brothers were at fault for whatever Beron was about to do, but he often got angry at them instead.

Priam didn’t give Eris a response, and as soon as Lucien was settled in Priam’s arms, they winnowed away, hopefully to Rufus. Rufus loved being around children, Eris wasn’t surprised. Rufus had always been the kindest of them, the most understanding and most loving. Eris had kept Rufus far away from their father, and while their mother had mostly ignored little Rufus, he didn’t seem to hold it against her. Eris supposed he should ask Rufus how he did it the next time he had a chance.

Only moments after Priam and Lucien had left, Eris felt the heavy, choking presence of his father’s magic, the smoking scent of it. He could only wait for whatever punishment his father had in store. Eris didn’t bother standing as his father walked into the study, his short brown hair brushed back and away from his face, his crown nowhere to be seen.

The High Lord of the Autumn Court slowly walked to Eris’s desk, his hand absently picked up a book that Eris had lying there. Eris wondered if Beron would throw it at him. 

Beron’s beringed fingers flipped through the pages of the book, his eyes scanning the words as he spoke. “I don’t pay those tutors for nothing, boy.” 

Eris swallowed, licked his lips, “I wasn't aware they were being paid.” Eris watched as his father huffed a humourless laugh.

“I don’t think I have to tell you that your behaviour has been unacceptable as of late.” Beron elegantly set the heavy book down, his voice calm. 

He’d been told countless times by his father to stop spoiling Lucien. Eris found that even without a vow to protect Lucien, he would have done it just to keep the smile on his youngest brother’s face. Mother above, Eris was a real idiot for thinking he could love someone in this court and not have it be a weakness.

Eris set his jaw, opting to act like a fool, “What behaviour?” 

The back-handed blow to the face he’d earned for that would surely bruise. Quick as an adder so that he hadn’t seen the hit coming, but Eris knew he wouldn’t have moved out of the way even if he had. 

“Don’t play the idiot with me, Eris, I have no patience for it,” Beron growled, his hand snapping up to hold Eris’s face in a tight, uncomfortable grip. Beron leaned over the desk, “I don’t think I need to teach you another lesson?”

Eris shook his head, his father’s grip on his chin still too tight, “No, High Lord,” he ground out. Eris had been beaten bloody less than a fortnight ago for taking Lucien and Rufus to the city for a day trip, but Beron’s lessons had always taught Eris absolutely nothing, and that one had been no different. Not only that, but Eris found he was very good at repeating his long list of stupid mistakes that managed to make his father absolutely livid.

Beron practically threw Eris’s face to the side, “Be careful, boy, I have six other sons to take my place. I have no use for an heir who can hardly obey a simple order.” 

The sudden urge for Eris to bark that Beron only had five was overwhelming, but he settled for glaring at his father’s back as he stalked out of the study. Eris would gladly give one of his brother’s the throne, he’d never fucking wanted it anyway.

Eris slumped back in his seat as his father left the room, the control on his own magic slipping so that golden flames flickered in his eyes. Eris wanted to flip the desk in his anger, but he hated making a mess of things, so he took a deep breath instead, cooling the fire in his veins. Eris raised a pale hand, wiping some blood from his split lip with the pad of his thumb. It would heal by morning, Eris thought, and all would be as if it had never happened.

[cosmictulips]

another night, another death dream

this one has happened three times now.

i keep proclaiming its my childhood home but it's not. so maybe im just taking the form of someone else who is trying to justify living in that house. idk. but the neighborhood is defintely from my childhood.

regardless, the inside of it is weird. there's an "upstairs" that holds the largest bedroom and the kitchen, living room, etc. and the downstairs that holds the most confusing two bedrooms. and it's like they're split by two different bathrooms.

and you can't be in there alone. hel you can barely be in there with other people. shit just always happens. the thing haunting it is pure evil man. it just follows you as soon as you're iin there.

and at first it starts off small. a woman in white in the very distant corner or window. to appear small it makes you think its outside. but its not.

and it just gets worse from then on. screams, scratches, just pure torment no matter where you are in the house. no one can stay in there for more than a week.

and then, i have the "vision" as an artist. red and black paint as I tell the story of either myself or the demon haunting this place.

what do you see? a dark sky... with blood coming down. how did you die? I see red, on the bottom of the floor. but it's still dark. like the night sky. i think I'm falling. no... theres someting around me. like a rope. a noose.

the only difference in this dream this time is that I led the people into the house. i took them out of their spaces. their nice homes and told them they wouldn't have to worry about it. because i was afaid of facing this thing alone.

and i barely got them settled before one of them starts screaming bloody murder. and I know they feel it too. I know they know something is wrong. but i got them to move in. and so the cycle repeats.

[calpops]

together | c.h.

@notinthesameguey said: If you're able to 👉👈What about a lazy dinner and they just talk about the wedding? Maybe they're huddled in the living room eating some pizza and they joke about wanting some pizza at their wedding and yeah

1.3k words

dates with cal masterlist

Copyright © 2020 calpops. All rights reserved. This original work is not allowed to be reposted on any platform in any format (translations included).

<< >>

Calum comes home late but you’re not alone, the ring on your finger keeps you company and reminds you of his promises. You don’t tire of staring at opal and silver inlaid with flecks of diamonds. It’s not just the beauty of the ring that keeps your attention but the feeling that it evokes. When the front door finally opens you turn from your perch on the couch and wave Calum over as he enters with a grin. His first instinct when he reaches you is to hold your hand, let his eyes look upon the ring and then let his lips brush the back of your hand past a smirk. 

“That ring was made for you,” he says in a whisper as you pull him down onto the couch, the reality of being engaged coming down with you.

“Did you eat?” You ask, knowing how Calum’s schedule always becomes skewed when studio and rehearsal hours wear him thin. “We have left overs.”

“I could go for that,” Calum says but makes no move to get to the fridge where day old pizza lingers. Instead, he nuzzles into you and takes a moment to be with you.

Ever since the night of tears and questions of distance you’ve both gotten back on track to spending time together. No more tense moments of silence follow you, no more doubts or fears plague you during lonely nights. Simple things bring you back to normalcy. Taking an extra moment to linger with each other, spending mornings together, getting engrossed in a new book when sleepless nights ensue. Now, it’s all done with a ring on your finger and plans of a wedding in your heads.

“Let’s go together,” you suggest around a laugh when he still makes no move to get food. He whines in a low rumble at the thought of disentangling himself from your side but he complies; leftover pizza in an empty stomach too tempting to give up on completely.

After it’s heated in the oven and put on plates brought over to the couch you settle back into each other’s holds. Your legs are draped across his lap, shoulder under his arm and his free hand occasionally running through your hair. You can tell he’s tired, that a book probably won’t be read tonight, so you enjoy a lazy dinner with him and talk while you can.

“I told my parents today,” Calum says and you know he’s referring to the engagement. You had kept it between yourselves for a week, wanting to spend some alone time as fiancé’s without anyone else in the mix. “My mum squealed. She actually squealed over the phone, I think Duke’s ears hurt after.”

You laugh, head tossed back into the cushions as you imagine his mom animatedly squealing through the phone. Calum’s sister Mali and Ashton already knew, had helped pick out the ring on your finger, helped to plan the day that became a second chance.

“And your dad?”

“He couldn’t believe it at first. Then I think it hit him fully and he realized it’s you and it all made sense after that.”

You go flush at his comment. His family’s love and support means worlds and worlds to you. You remember how nervous you were the first time you met them, but then how easy it was as soon as they were near. Mali had taken to you the moment you met, his mother had hugged you like you were family without question and his father held pride and happiness in his eyes as Calum introduced you as his.

“Do you think Mali would be in the wedding?” You wonder, hoping she might be your maid of honor, knowing you want her with you and that Calum would too.

“I think if she’s not you won’t have a groom to marry because she’ll kill me,” Calum laughed but turned serious around another bite of his slice of pizza.

“A groom,” you repeat in a wondrous sigh. Calum smirks. “I can’t believe you’re gonna be my groom. I don’t think I’ve ever even seen you in a full fledged tux before.”

Calum’s smirk only deepens and his tone goes playful, “should it be blue or orange? How many ruffles?”

Your eyebrows shoot up but you wave him off. “Well that would be stupid. Then we’d be matching.”

He laughs and goes on a tirade asking you if he’d marry you in this or that. You always nod, say yes, and eventually tell him you’d marry him no matter what.

“Do we have anymore?” Calum asks, gesturing to the empty plate. “That pizza is so good, I would marry it,” he exclaims and it’s so easy for both of you to speak of marriage now it feels freeing and light. Before it was a topic to tiptoe around, to mention only late at night when the stars and moon disguised the future.

“Not if you marry me first,” you shoot back and point up at the counter where a few slices remain.

He grins, pats your legs before getting up to grab the last of it and settle back down with you.

“We should have it at the wedding,” he comments before a bite and just the word wedding is enough to excite you. His eagerness to mention it, to plan it even in small jests and jokes makes you realize how much he wants this and how much you want him.

“At the reception,” you say seriously and he turns to give you a curious gaze. “Nothing’s better than a party, some drinks and then pizza.”

“I knew I was marrying you for a reason. We could have it at the engagement party too.”

“Engagement party?” You question, completely unaware and feeling stuck in left field at the mention.

“You really think our friends will let us get engaged and not have some sort of party?” Calum rebuts lightly. “Ashton was planning one before I even picked out the ring.”

Calum finishes his last bite and leans back into the plush cushions of the couch, arms seeking you out to pull you against his chest. “I suppose that would be okay,” you muse, typically not one for making a spectacle. “But nothing too big or fancy, okay?”

Calum’s eyes dart from you to the ceiling and back again. “I’ll talk to him.”

“Just close friends?” You ask and bite your lip. “And family if they can come.”

“Your parents?” Calum questions timidly.

Your parents aren’t a subject you bring up much or much of presence in your life. They’ve never met Calum and to some it might be strange you’re engaged without your parents knowing your fiancé. But they’ve never worked that way. You’ve never been close and sometimes the distance hurts but you’ve had Calum and his family to make it feel better.

“Maybe…” you muse and lose yourself in thought for a moment. “Maybe we should invite them to dinner with just us first? That might be easier.”

“Whatever you want,” Calum replies and you believe his sincerity. “I’ll be right there with you,” he soothes as if he can feel the anxiety beating inside you. “We’ll get through it. Dinner, the party. And then we’ll be married.”

“Oh,” you smile. “It’s that simple? Why don’t we just elope?”

Calum shrugs. “I would if you wanted,” he says and rubs his hand up and down your arm. “Though it’d be a shame if no one else got to see how beautiful you’ll be in white.”

You blush. Still amazed he can elicit such reactions from you. “And you in your bright orange ruffled tux.”

He laughs and so do you. It doesn’t matter if you elope, if a crowd of hundreds gather, if you wear white and he wears orange. All that matters is you’ll be together. 

<< >>

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[ardett]

all dead hearts to you

Description: George and Dream have never met in person. It isn’t a problem until Dream calls George to tell him he’s going to kill himself.

check this out on Ao3 if you wanna be cool!

Author’s Note: Not me crashing recklessly into another fandom (also this is assuming sapnap went home to Texas after living with dream idk let me live)

title from Dead Hearts by Stars

also I'm new here, anyone wanna give me a welcome to the boys?

warnings: suicide warning (obviously) but no actual suicide, general anxiety and panic attacks

It’s 3am when George gets Dream’s call. 

Late, but only really for him. It’s still before midnight in Florida, right around 10pm. He’d like to say that he’s so practiced with converting time zones that he doesn’t even have to think about it but he still has to count backwards on his fingers, thinking on the jump between late late nights and early mornings.

He’s still awake but the leds in his room have been turned to red, set to the dimmest mode. He was streaming with Quackity up until about half an hour ago and his room has settled back into quiet again.

He feels the thrum of anxiety as he hears the ringtone. Dream usually only calls him when George is about to sleep through something important or if he’s on the road. George wonders if he forgot something today or maybe he let something slip on his call with Quackity.

Now that it’s on his mind, he realizes that he hasn’t heard from Dream all day. Or yesterday?

They’ve both been busy, though George has been busy with the usual things and Dream said something about needing to put his affairs in order or whatever that meant. They usually text at least but even that has been quieter.

George grabs his phone off his desk and picks up the call.

“Dream. What’s up?” he asks. George runs a quick hand through his hair, checking his screen quickly. It’s a real phone call, not even a discord call. “Hey, I’m putting you on speaker. I’m gonna put on my pajamas.”

He’s about to set the phone on his dresser when Dream says, “Oh, I probably shouldn’t be on speaker.”

There’s something off in his tone. Something flat. It sets George’s nerves on edge. 

“Yeah? Okay.” George tucks the phone back by his ear, slumping back on his bed. “Did you have something you had to tell me?”

“Yeah. George, I’m going to kill myself.”

Everything in George stills.

And then starts to spin.

“What?”

“I’m going to—”

“You’re not serious.” George jerks upright, ignoring the lightheaded feeling sinking its fingers into his skull. “Dream, this isn’t funny.”

“I don’t think it is. It’s just going to happen.” 

There’s not even a tremor in Dream’s voice. George can’t feel anything past the bone deep shock in his system.

All he can think of is Dream, wrists bloody and split open. Dream, fingertips dusted white with the residue of unnamed pills. Dream, rope burns fracturing the long line of his neck. 

Dream, dead.

How is he even going to do it? Is he actually going to do it? George wants to ask but then he realizes he doesn’t want to know.

He imagines the first time he sees Dream in person is when he attends his funeral.

He imagines all the words he’s held in for so long, waiting and waiting for the moment he could say them to Dream face to face, finally being said to dead air.

But George can’t say that so all he manages is an obstinate, “No.”

“Yes.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“Stop disagreeing with me.”

“George,” Dream laughs. Laughs.

George feels dizzy with the disbelief swirling inside him. Surely this can’t be happening. What reason would Dream have to make this up though? Dream would never joke about something like this. Why is he laughing? 

How can Dream be so casual when George’s world is shattering? 

He doesn’t know what a future without Dream looks like.

They’ve always lived miles apart but Dream has never felt so far away. George has never felt like this. Like he couldn’t reach him.

“Dream.” Dream’s laugh cuts off as soon as he hears the plea in George’s voice. “Is something wrong? Are you— I can come there. I can be with you tomorrow. Sapnap can stay with you again. You don’t have to do this—”

“I know. But I want to. So I’m going to.” Any trace of mirth is gone. Dream sounds the same way he did when he decided he was going to break a world record or make YouTube work for him.

Determined. Steadfast. His voice has the steely confidence of knowing he won’t fail.

Usually it’s inspiring but now the familiarity of it just makes George sick. He’s never known Dream to be someone content with failure.

George's phone digs into his palm as his grip spasms. He tastes blood.

And he doesn’t even know why yet.

“What happened? Whatever it is, we can fix it.”

Dream sighs. “Nothing’s wrong, George.”

“There has to be something wrong. You can tell me,” George insists. Then he changes tactics and lies through his teeth. “I swear I won’t tell anyone else. We can work this out together, just the two of us. Just tell me what’s wrong.”

“I already told you nothing’s wrong,” Dream repeats.

“Then why would you… do that?” George trips over the word, rephrases it instead.

And then Dream rips that tiny defense to shreds.

“You can say it you know,” Dream says. “I’m going to kill myself. You should probably get used to it actually. People are going to ask you about it. I’m sorry about that,” he adds as an afterthought. 

The harsh, blunt words sting against George’s skin.

“Don’t apologize,” he strangles out. “Don’t apologize for that out of everything. Just don’t do it.”

“George,” Dream breathes, exasperated.

“I just don’t understand,” George begs. For the first time, his voice wavers.

Dream, cold gun in his cold hands. Dream, long limbs hanging over the railing of a bridge as he stares down. Dream, slumped over his table with a bottle of vodka nestled near his feet. 

Dream, dead.

Dead.

Dead.

“Don’t cry, okay?” Dream’s voice softens. George forgot how gentle Dream could be with him when he wanted. 

“I didn’t want to make you cry. Look, it’s just…” Dream trails off. Eventually, he continues even quieter. “This is it, you know? This is the top, this is the peak. It can’t go on like this forever, crazy numbers on videos and trending on twitter and all that shit. I’d rather go out like this than wait to hit the bottom. Doesn’t that make sense?” Dream persuades.

“No,” George insists, all the air leaving his lungs at once.

“Come on, George. Can you even picture yourself growing old? What happens when we’re 30, 40, and all of this is gone. Do you want that?”

The sick part of it all is that George has imagined the future. He imagines it lovingly, not viciously. Not like this.

He imagined a future with Sapnap and Bad and Karl and Quackity but most of all with Dream. He wants so badly to be with him. Sapnap talked about living together, how great parts of it had been, how he would have stayed if he hadn’t had to return home for family, and George so selfishly wants that for himself.

And he’s always known that’s not what Dream pictured. Dream doesn’t want what he wants. Dream doesn’t want to grow old with someone, much less George.

Can you even picture yourself growing old?

It hurts because George can and he always wanted it to be with Dream.

“What are you even saying? Do you want me to kill myself too?” George bites. He scrubs viciously at his eyes and stabs at the power button of his computer, teeth piercing into his lip as he waits for it to turn on.

“No, no, of course not. I would never— Come on, that’s obviously not what I’m saying.”

George fumbles with his keyboard, pulling up his discord messages with Sapnap.

He just needs someone else to help him, someone else to know. Someone who can do what he can’t. Someone who isn’t as fucking helpless as him, who doesn’t live an ocean away and who has never seen Dream in person and has never touched Dream, not once, has never known what the sun feels like in Florida.

Of course he was lying when he said this was going to stay between the two of them.

This isn’t the kind of thing he can do alone.

 George: Sapnap dream says hes going 

George: to kill himself

George: you have to get someone to him

George: call 999 

George: 911

 Sapnap: what

 George: please now sap Im on the phone with him

 Sapnap: are you joking

 George: no

George: do it

George: please fast now

 “Are you typing?” Dream questions, a note of warning in his tone.

George jerks. “No, I—”

He’s cut off by a beeping from his phone. 

His heart stops.

“What’s that sound?” Dream asks.

Sapnap is calling him.

George can picture him, knee jumping as he clutches his phone, hoping against hope that George is joking. He can practically hear the adrenaline trembling in Sapnap’s voice, can see the way Sapnap stands and paces.

He can’t answer though. He can’t leave Dream.

George declines the call, hand shaking.

“Who was that?” The question is flat.

“No one,” George says too quickly.

“No one?” Dream repeats. Only a second or two passes before George hears the same beep through his phone speaker, this time coming from Dream’s end. “Wow look who’s calling me. Sapnap. Wonder if he changed his name to No One,” Dream says without emotion.

 Sapnap: fck are you serious

 George bites his tongue, wincing.

“Dream—”

 George: y

 George can’t manage to type anything more before Dream snarls, “You’re such a fucking snitch, you know that? It’s fine though, I thought this might happen. I was gonna call him after you, for the record.” It almost sounds like Dream is smiling. George’s heart twists. Why is he smiling? “I know you have to try as a friend to save me, or whatever you want to call it, but you really don’t have to. I want to do this. I’m going to.

“It’s not like you could really stop me anyway,” Dream continues. “You don’t even know where I live. You barely know what I look like. What, are you going to ask the police to search the entire state of Florida?”

“Sapnap knows,” George whispers. 

He tries to shake off the savagery seeping into Dream’s voice. He tells himself Dream is defensive, Dream is nervous, Dream is scared. Dream isn’t thinking about what he’s really saying.

Though things have never mattered before, the fact George has never been to Florida, that George has never seen Dream in person. But now Dream is weaponizing them against him, forcing George to acknowledge that for everything their relationship is, it can never replace an in person friendship. And Dream has always been a better fighter than George.

“No, he doesn’t. Me and Sap rented a house, remember? We never went to my house. I never sent him my actual address, I checked.” And Dream sounds so smug. Like he won.

George’s gaze darts back to his computer. 

But he already knows Dream isn’t a liar.

 Sapnap: I dont know his address

Sapnap: fuck

Sapnap: Im calling bad

Sapnap: dont let him hang up

 “People are so dumb about it, you know? They tell all their friends and then they get caught before actually doing it,” Dream goes on, not paying attention to George’s disconsolate silence.

“But you’re telling me,” George mutters. Hopelessness strings through him.

Sapnap isn’t writing anything else. George can only hope Bad picked up.

“Yeah but you’re literally in another country. What are you going to do about it?” 

George can’t manage any words. He doesn’t even know if he remembers how to breathe. 

Dream is right, he always seems to be right. George just wishes it wasn’t about this. Anything but this. He has to believe that Sapnap and Bad will figure something out. He has to trust them.

“Just think about how many people are found before they actually do it,” Dream goes on in George’s quiet. “Because they can’t commit. Most people are cowards. It’s dumb honestly. Just do it or don’t.”

“Don’t then,” George whispers.

His eyes burn with unshed tears. His fingers spasm on his bedsheets.

He doesn’t know what Dream wants. Does he want George to beg? To get on his knees and plead with him to save his own life? Because he would in a heartbeat but he doubts it would make a difference. 

Dream sighs. “I feel like you’re not listening to me, George.”

“No, I am.” George’s voice rises with his wrath. Suddenly all his terror and frustration comes to a bursting point. “I’m listening. I’m listening to you talk about killing yourself. I just think you’re wrong. I think it would be a lot fucking braver to stay alive even if your views go down, even if you’re not fucking famous, Dream. What the fuck? You’re a fucking coward for trying to leave!” George’s breaths heave through the staticy phone microphone. His fear and anger wind him.

There’s a moment of emptiness.

Then, lip curling, Dream says, “Trying to leave you?”

George chokes.

“What?”

“Don’t try and pull this card, George. That’s what you’re trying to say, isn’t it? I’m a coward for leaving everyone behind? For leaving you?” 

Dream’s voice drowns out George’s. George flinches, though Dream can’t see it. 

“Don’t be so fucking selfish. I hate that, you know that?” Dream growls. “Everyone thinks they’re enough to save someone all by themselves. Wow, the sheer force of your love just fucking yanked me back from the edge of a cliff, give me a fucking break,” Dream scoffs. George’s ribs feel tight. “You can’t just reverse psychology or guilt me out of this.”

“Jesus, Dream, is it so hard to believe that maybe I care about you and I don’t want you to fucking die?” George grits out. 

The room swims before him. He can’t remember how to uncurl his fingers.

“Well it’s not up to you, is it?” Dream practically smirks.

And that’s it, isn’t it? The winning phrase. Because Dream’s right. 

It’s not up to George. 

George can only listen helplessly as Dream considers his own grave. He’s a constant witness to the storm that is Dream. He was always grateful to be dragged along in Dream’s hurricane winds and now he dreads the day they calm.

“You’re being cruel,” George murmurs. His aggression leaves him as soon as it came.

“I’m being honest,” Dream contends.

George sinks his head into his hands. “Why did you even call me then? To— to gloat?”

Dream’s voice goes low and quiet, vulnerable. George’s insides twist and melt and contort. “No, no, I just… I don’t know. I just wanted to talk to you one more time.”

“Don’t say that,” George hisses. The words are half muffled into his palms.

“Don’t say what?” Dream asks defensively.

“Don’t say one more time. You can’t— you can’t—'' It all hits George at once. He’s going to lose him.

He’s going to lose Dream.

Before he knows it, he’s sobbing into the phone, loud ugly heaving sobs. “Don’t do it, Dream. I’m serious. Please— Just wait for one of us to get there. We can be with you. We can help.”

Dream’s voice hardens again. “You mean you can stop me.”

“Dream—” George starts to beg, trying to figure out how to lie without Dream catching him.

But Dream beats him to it. 

“I’m gonna hang up now—”

Panic rips through George. The shock of it physically hurts in his veins, in his heart.

“No!” he almost screams. “Dream, Dream, don’t hang up—”

“Oh my god, relax. I’m calling Sapnap. I’m not doing anything yet.” He can almost hear Dream rolling his eyes. It’s not comforting.

George sniffles. He knows it sounds pathetic. He’s not one for pity but if it gets Dream to keep talking with him, he’s willing to stoop to any low. He just doesn’t know if he can believe Dream.

“Can’t you just… stay on the phone with me?” 

“What, forever? Is that your plan? Just keep me on the line until someone inevitably finds me somehow?” Dream mocks.

Yes.

“No,” George says instead because he thinks it’s what Dream wants to hear.

Dream switches tactics. George recognizes the persuasion in his tone. 

“Don’t you want me to call Sapnap? Shouldn’t he also get the chance to talk with me?” Dream questions.

Guilts rests against George’s ribs. 

Of course he wants Sapnap to get the chance to talk to Dream. What if this is their last chance to talk? But George is too selfish to think about it much.

“That’s not what you’re asking me. Don’t try and pull that shit. You’re asking me to hang up. You’re asking for me to say goodbye and I’m…” George’s voice drops, almost inaudible. “I’m not ready.”

“George…” Dream’s voice trails off. His next words are nearly silent, something bitter and mournful about them. “You know I love you, right?”

“I know,” George mumbles.

“Are you gonna say it back to me?” Dream demands. George doesn’t know what holds him back now but something does.

“You know I do, Dream, why—”

The dial tone rings in George’s ears.

Dream hung up.

-

Not even 30 seconds pass, not nearly enough for the abrupt end of their call to sink in, when George’s phone is ringing again. He fumbles with his screen but manages to pick up.

“George?”

George’s heart sinks. It’s not the voice he wants to hear. That he needs to hear.

“Bad?”

“Yeah,” Bad affirms. “Are you okay?”

“Am I okay? Am I—” George scoffs and it feels like it rips his throat. He feels like he wants to scream. Like he wants to punch a wall. Like he would give anything to be somewhere warmer right now. “No, I’m obviously not okay, Bad. He’s going to— to—”

“I know. Sapnap told me.” 

Bad’s voice is collected, even. It just makes George more frustrated. How can everyone be so fucking calm about this? 

“George, just try to take some deep breaths, okay?” George ignores the suggestion. “Sapnap is on the phone with Dream. He just hung up on me to talk to him. I’m driving there right now, okay?”

George pauses. Something cold washes over him. He doesn’t know yet if it’s relief.

“You’re— you’re driving to Dream?”

“Yes,” Bad affirms. “We just have to keep him talking to someone for the next hour—”

“Hour? Are you serious? That’s too long!” George knows he’s screaming now. He doesn’t care.

“George—”

“We have to call an ambulance, the police. There has to be someone we can call.” 

George squeezes his eyes shut, trying to think of other ways they could possibly get there in time. He comes up blank. He can’t accept it. He can’t.

Dream, alone. Dream, bereft. Dream, dead.

“I know but I can’t— I was trying to tell you.” Bad’s words are muffled. It sounds like he’s biting the inside of his cheek. He confesses, “I don’t know his exact address. Sapnap is going to try and get it while he talks to him. I’m driving to Orlando and hopefully Sap knows it by the time I get there but we’re just—”

“No, no, no—”

George thinks of Bad arriving just in time to find Dream’s body still warm. He’s going to be sick. His chest hurts. His lungs burn.

“Try and take some deep breaths—” Bad placates as George speaks over him.

“I’m never going to talk to him again. He’s going to kill himself.” George is spiraling. He can’t stop himself.

“George, I’m going to get there in time.” But Bad doesn’t sound sure of himself. George zeros in on the weakness.

“You don’t know that,” George hisses.

“This is hard for all of us, George!” George startles at Bad’s yell. He’s heard Bad raise his voice before but never at him, never seriously. “I’m sorry,” Bad apologizes, words quieting again. George hears a sniffle through the phone. 

Bad’s crying. 

God, George is a terrible person. He didn’t even think to check in on Bad. Bad’s the one who might find Dream halfway there or already committed. He’s the only one who’s even close to being able to do something and maybe that’s the worst position to be in.

To be so close and lose a friend anyway.

“You don’t have to apologize. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t… I know it’s hard for all of us. I know you’re doing everything you can. You’re doing more than me.” George tries to laugh but it gets stuck in his throat. It’s not funny anyway.

“It’s going to be okay,” but it doesn’t even sound like Bad believes himself.

“I don’t think I can talk about this anymore,” George murmurs. He feels exhausted. There’s so much adrenaline coursing through him that it hurts. “Can we just talk about something else just… just for a little?” he begs. Like anything could distract him from this.

“Yeah George.” George can hear the sympathy in Bad’s voice. He’s too far gone for the pity to bother him. “Let me— Let me tell you about what I did this weekend on the SMP.”

George sucks in a sharp inhale. “Not— not the SMP. Can you talk about something else?” 

“Of course,” Bad agrees easily. “So last Friday I went to visit my family…”

George lets Bad talk in the background. Every once in a while, one of them will sniffle or sob or take a breath that’s too shaky to be normal. Neither of them mentions it.

George listens to people walk past his window, their voices carrying up into the stars.

The noises of the highway drone on through his phone.

Bad drives.

-

George thinks about what it would be like to go on without Dream.

He’ll never be the same, he already knows. It will haunt him for years. For the rest of his life. The thought of being so close to someone and then losing them.

Death is natural. He knows that. But it’s the intentionality of it that aches the most. The idea that Dream would leave behind everything for something so painful and unknown.

And George just knows… part of him will die with Dream and never come back. 

George doesn’t know who he’ll be with that part missing.

part 1/3, though the next update won’t really be an update but it will be soon

[hyperion-moonbabe-art3mis]

Blind Love

Prompt (bolded): “Despite everything, I still care about you” ~Ria’s Writing Challenge @im-a-writer-right​

Pairing: Bellamy Blake x Reader

Word Count: 1.5k

You had been sitting in the mess hall waiting to meet up with Raven, but she was taking forever. As you waited you watched as Pike sat across from Bellamy. You would do anything to get him out of Arkadia. They seemed to be talking about something sensitive, seeing how cautiously Pike and Bellamy were looking around.

Finally Raven had arrived but just as Pike had left Bellamy, “Hey, give me a moment,” I tell her and head towards Bellamy.

“What the hell was that?” You whisper to Bellamy taking a seat where Pike was.

“Nothing,” Bellamy says a bit louder than you.

“Well, whatever the hell it was. I don’t like it. Stay away from Pike, please. For me,” You say.

“But what if Pike is right?” Bellamy whispers back.

“Considering what happened during the Mt. Weather funeral. What he has in mind is wrong, the grounders aren’t the enemy. I know you want revenge for Gina but sticking with Pike, is the wrong choice, okay? Choose the right one,” You say and leave Bellamy.

“What was that about?” Raven asks as you sit next to Raven.

“Nothing. I just wanted to check in on Bellamy,” You say. 

“Oh, because you have a thing for him right?” Raven chuckles.

“How’s your leg?” You ask, changing the topic.

“Don’t you change topics on me. I’ll answer when you do,” Raven says.

“I just care for him, that’s all. Now, how’s your leg?” I ask once more.

“Sure...anyways it’s alright. Abby is being difficult about the whole work thing,” She sighs.

“I’m sure you’ll work it out. You’re strong, I know you can push through it,” I nudge her as her expression falls.

Later that night you and Harper were watching the gate along with Lincoln and Monroe. After the sun had set, you see Pike and Bellamy, along with a few others approach. Bellamy makes his way to you guys as the three of you walk towards him.

“You need to step aside, right now,” Bellamy says.

“What are the guns for?” Harper asks.

“There’s an army out there. We need to hit them before they hit us,” Bellamy states.

“That army was sent to protect us,” You respond.

“Do we have a problem?” Pike questions from behind Bellamy.

“No. I have always done what is best for us. I need you to trust that I am doing that now. Monroe, Harper.” He says trying to convince us. Monroe and Harper then back away.

“Sorry Lincoln and Y/N,” Harper says.

“If you have always done what’s best for us, then you know that staying here is. You know that the army is meant to protect us, not attack,” You state but get no response.

“You too Y/N and Lincoln. Lincoln, you want to prove you’re one of us, let us pass,” Pike demands.

“I’m not moving,” Lincoln says.

“Same here,” You sat settling in for a long standoff.

“Get outta the way, grounder.” A man yells and points his gun to Lincoln.

“If you’re pointing a gun to him, you’re pointing a gun to me,” You state and step in front of Lincoln and dropping your gun. 

“Don’t do this Y/N,” Bellamy whispers.

“If you don’t want them to shoot at me. You’d stop this,” You whisper back. Soon enough Lincoln steps in front of you and grabs the man’s gun and grapes him by the neck holding a knife to him. The rest of the group starts to aim the guns at Lincoln.

“Guns down. Guns down!” Bellamy yells to his group.

“Do what he says. Now,” Pike agrees and gets everyone to calm down.

“So much for the good grounder,” Monty’s mom states.

“Quiet, Hannah,” Pike responds not wanting to rouse anyone else. “Whose people are you defending here, Lincoln?” Pike asks.

“Lincoln put down the knife. No one has to get hurt here,” Bellamy says.

“We can’t let you start a war,” You inject.

“We’re already at war,” Pike responds.

“You guys can’t stop this,” Bellamy tries to stop Lincoln.

“All unstationed security personnel report to the main gate,” A man over the PA system says as an alarm starts to go off and repeats the message. 

“What’s wrong with you?” Octavia asks her brother after making her way to us. Soon enough the guards make their way to us and disarm the group. Abby has the guards take Bellamy, Pike, and the rest of the group taken to lock up. But before they can get the rest of the group out, multiple people in the group start to shout and vote that Pike be put on the ballot to be the next Chancellor. Just what you need, you think to yourself.

The next day you were informed that Pike had won the votes for Chancellor. You were outside trying to gather your thoughts. You noticed Pike, Bellamy and their group make their way to the gates.

“What are you doing Bellamy?” You question running in front of them.

“Making the right choice, now get out of the way,” Bellamy responds.

“No, I’m not moving. What you’re probably about to do, is not the right choice. And you know that Bellamy. Stop this now, don’t start a war,” You try to convince him to stop.

“Move out of the way grounder!” A man yells and points a gun at you.

“Stand down. She’s one of us,” Pike says moving towards you and pushing the man’s gun down. “I’m the Chancellor now and what we’re doing is right. Unless you want to land yourself in lockup, I would stand down now if I were you,” Pike explains.

“Yes, sir,” You step out of the way seeing as you’re outnumbered and Bellamy won’t stop but you know that you’re not done. 

You wait for hours, for Bellamy to return. You think of the best possible way that you can stop the war and keep Pike at bay. A more hours pass and the group finally made their way through the gates. You alert Octavia and the two of you wait on the sidelines.

“Bellamy, you okay?” Octavia asks as the two of you make your way over to them.

“I’m fine,” Bellamy responds coldly.

“What happened out there?” You ask hoping to get an idea. But Bellamy just walks past the two of you.

“I’ll go talk to him, see if I can get anything out,” You say and head off as Octavia nods. You wait until Pike is done with his little speech and Bellamy is somewhere you can talk to him. You follow him into the Ark and wait until no one is around.

“Hey, can I talk to you?” You ask making your way to Bellamy.

“Can it wait? Pike needs me right now,” Bellamy pleads.

“Not it can’t. Please, now?” You ask but more demand. He sighs and follows you into your room.

“What the hell, Bellamy. You know you just started a war, right?” You say.

“The war started when the grounders set up camp near us,” Bellamy states back.

“Are you serious right now? You know they were here to protect us,” You respond.

“They blew up Mt. Weather. They killed Gina,” Bellamy says getting upset.

“Look, Bellamy. I get it, I really do. I get that you want revenge for Gina. I’d do anything to get my parents back. But you siding with Pike, the wrong side! Isn’t the way to do it,” You say trying to make your voice calming.

“You’re wrong Y/N. I have to do this, the grounders started the war and we have to end it,” Bellamy responds.

“You’re wrong, Bell. Just please stop now. I know this isn’t going to end well on either side. I don’t want you or anyone else to get hurt,” You say even calmer.

“Like I said, I have to do this. Now stay out of this, I don’t want to see you get hurt either,” Bellamy says and moves to the door.

“Bell, wait,” You turn him to face you but he keeps his head down. “ If you don’t want to lose me, you’ll let this go. I know you loved Gina but I also know that she held you back from...me. I love and care for you Bellamy and I know you care for me too. But I can’t stand here and take in this side of you. I will fight back if I have to,” You state putting your feelings out there, hoping it will stop him.

Bellamy sighs and brings his eyes to yours, “You’re right and despite everything we’ve gone through on the ground and with each other, I do still care about you. And I do love you, I didn’t realize it until now, but I know I do. But I told you I have to do this, not just for her, but for our people too,” Bellamy states and starts to head out of my room.

“Bell,” You stop him once again. “If you really do love and care for me, then you’d stop this and put yourself on the right side,” You say but he just walks out of your room.

You’re left with your own thoughts to process what just happened. How can he love you but not listen to you and realize that he’s on the wrong side you think to yourself.

A/N:  So I really don’t know how but I wrote this in 2 hours. I know I changed the prompt a bit but seeing as how things were playing out, i thought it worked. But TBH idk if the prompt worked where it did and I liked what I had written so much that I just kept it. Please lmk if it did, because I’m really unsure of the placement ahah. Otherwise, I'm really proud of this fic haha, I hope you all enjoyed it! 

(P.s. Idk if the title even works, but that’s what I came up with haha)

[angel-fire]

you get me so high

summary: bucky has had enough of your attitude towards him.

warnings: nsfw in general, sorta enemies to lovers, dirty talk, light choking, bucky being a tease. don’t read if you're under 18.

A/N: OKAY... im sorry if this isn't as good as y'all wanted it to be fksldskd idk i wrote the majority of this in a horny daze. pls be nice i am sensitive it’s my first time posting a pic and the first time i’ve written smut. also the title of from the song by the neighbourhood. 

---

“You’re such a fucking dick sometimes, Barnes,” you snap, arms crossing over your chest in indignation as you stare him down. “I told you I would do it. Multiple times, actually.”

“What the fuck is your problem? You were taking too long to get the door open, so I did it myself. Not my fault you couldn’t do it on your own.” Bucky scoffs, rolling his eyes at your little temper tantrum. You’d just come back from a mission, which would have been simple in theory, if not for Bucky fucking Barnes, who’d slammed through the steel door with the force of his own body, rendering you practically useless in the meantime. Humiliating you.

You’d barged into his room after settling in back at the compound, intending on giving him shit for it because he always fucking does this. Undermines you, makes you doubt your place on the team, fucks with your feelings when he knows damn well how your body reacts to him when he stands too close to you. Bucky Barnes knows the effect he has on you, and it frustrates you to no end.

“Couldn’t do it on my own? That’s rich, coming from the guy who couldn’t wait two goddamn seconds before-“

Bucky takes two strides towards you, backing you up until the backs of your knees hit the end of his bed. Heat licks up your spine as you meet his darkening gaze, tense frustration set in his jaw.

“Before what? Huh? Before I saved the hostages, before I saved you and everyone else in that building? You could be a little more grateful, you know.” He says lowly, face drawing dangerously close to yours. You seethe, wanting to prove him wrong, to fight back, even if you know deep down that he’s right.

And yet, you hate the fact that he always has the upper hand. Always an advantage over you.

You jab a finger into his chest, hoping he doesn’t see the way your body ignites with him so close. “You fucking asshole, is that how little you think of me? You know damn well why I’m mad!” Your eyes burn with unshed tears of frustration, with both him and yourself.

“Are you done?” He grabs your hand and wrenches you closer, eyes narrowing in annoyance as his breath fans across your face. You try to hide the way your eyelids flutter in response. “Because I’m not. Maybe you should get that stick out of your ass and stop being so damn sensitive about shit you can’t change.”

Your jaw clenches, free hand balling into a tight fist at your side. Bucky’s eyes flick down to watch the movement, his lips quirking up in amusement. “Angry, are we? You’re so small, what are you gonna do? Hurt me?”

“Fuck you, James.”

Bucky’s eyes darken, and he’s on you before you can say anything else, pushing you flat on your back onto the bed behind you. Your breath leaves you in a huff at the sudden movement and you barely have time to even attempt to sit up before he straddles you, deftly pinning your wrists above your head as he stares down at you challengingly.

“You’re such a fucking brat, getting all angry at me to hide the fact that you want me as much as I want you,” he says, calmly despite the way he’s handling you. He kisses you, roughly, his tongue tangling with yours the second you sigh into his mouth.

He pulls back abruptly, pupils blown and lips kiss-bitten. He smirks. “See? Just admit it, you were wet for me way before that goddamn mission even happened.”

“Fuck you,” you repeat, refusing to let him think he’s won despite the fact that you feel arousal curling in your veins with each passing second, only heightened by the low timbre of his voice.

“Fuck me, huh?” He murmurs into your ear, pulling back to take in the sight of you. “Yeah, fuck me alright,” he growls, grasping the fabric of your dress and tearing it clean down the middle. The sound of the cotton ripping makes you jump, each inch of skin being exposed to the cold air making you shiver with anticipation as his darkened eyes take in your bare skin before landing on your panties, fabric soaked through with desire.

“Look at you, just fuckin’ dripping for me. Wanna fucking ruin you,” he practically moans, one hand swiftly pulling his own jeans off, his cock finally springing free. You feel the weight of it directly on your pubic bone, an airy moan forcing its way out of your lungs, muffled by his mouth as he swoops down to capture your lips with his.

“C’mon, open up those pretty legs for me,” he murmurs against your mouth, coaxing his tongue through your teeth, the warm flesh of his hand sliding along the skin of your inner thigh. Your legs begin to part of their own volition, exposing the most intimate part of you to his hungry eyes as he tilts his head down to look at you, causing you to let loose a shaky breath as you watch him take you in.

“Mm, yeah, that’s it. Wider.” He commands, and you comply immediately, legs spreading into a near split. The slight pain from the stretch of your legs is nothing compared to the pressure of the head of Bucky’s cock sliding through your folds over your panties, drawing keening sighs from you and low growls from him.

“Bucky, please,” you whine, tilting your hips up in an effort to have him where you want him, but he only chuckles.

“Want me inside, don’t you? Now, why would I do that?” He taunts, metal hand wrapping around the delicate skin of your throat and applying slight pressure. “Believe me, I want nothing more than to have my cock buried deep in you until you can’t even fucking walk, but it looks like you need to be taught a lesson.”

“N-No, I’m-“ your voice cuts off with a sharp moan as he thrusts his cock against you hard, bumping your aching clit in the process as you start to beg. “I’m sorry, I’ll be good! Please just fuck me.”

Your pleading whimpers make Bucky’s hips falter against you, and he releases his left hand at your throat to reposition itself back at where your wrists are straining against the powerful hold of his right hand.

“I know you’ll be good, baby,” he coos, emphasizing his words further with the slow drag of his cock against your soaked through panties.   “And you will be. Later, when I have you in every way I’ve been wishing to since I first fucking saw you, and now, when you’re gonna get me off without doing a goddamn thing. Isn’t that right?”

He continues rolling his hips against yours, making your breath stutter and your chest heave.

His eyes zero in on the movement of your torso, unable to help himself as he leans down to swirl his tongue around your nipple, moaning in delight as he tastes you. You’re so aroused you can’t even speak, unable to focus on anything but the feeling of his cock pistoning between your thighs.

“Shit, sweetheart, you’ve got me so-“ he’s pounding against you now, head hitting your clit with every thrust and the length of him sliding through your folds as your underwear becomes completely useless as a barrier between you. “-so fucking close. Gonna make me cum, aren’t you?”

Your breath hitches as you watch him, mesmerized by the way his eyes fall shut as his brows pull together and his thrusts grow sloppier, less calculated and more frenzied, the way his own breath stutters with every slam of his hips in the cradle of yours three more times before-

“Fuck!” He shouts, absolutely drilling against you now as he growls through his release, right hand traveling down to shove your panties aside just before his seed drips out of him, onto your clit. Your hips jerk up at the direct contact, the tip of his weeping cock resting on your clit for a few more seconds before he shifts it away from you, resting in the crevice between your pussy and your thigh.

Bucky sighs contentedly, peering down at you with a gleam in his eyes. You’re too wired to speak, nerves spiking and heart racing from not having orgasmed yet and watching him take his pleasure from you.

“God, you’re fucking perfect. Always have been,” he chuckles, leaning down once more to kiss you deeply, wicked tongue curling around yours and breaking away only to travel down the length of your throat. “You did so well, baby.” He sucks a bruise into the delicate skin, growling before sliding his body down your own, lips mapping out every inch of skin he can and drawing sweet sighs from you before he stops at your navel.

“Please…” you whisper, unable to take his unrelenting teasing anymore. Bucky looks up at you then, and your breath catches at the sight of his face so close to where you desperately want him, the lustful expression on his face likely reflecting the one you’re sure is on yours.

“Shh, baby, don’t worry, I’ve got you,” he murmurs. Slowly and without breaking eye contact, his hands grasp the sides of your ruined panties and slide them down your legs, tossing them over his shoulder. His large hands make contact with your thighs, curving around to the back of your knees before roughly yanking them up and over his shoulders. Lightning courses through your veins at the action, heat continuing to pool between your legs where Bucky now resides.

Ducking his head down, you barely catch the words he hums between your thighs before your head drops back in white-hot pleasure.

“Your turn.”

[free-pool-trash]

tequila - warren worthington iii

nobody asked for this and it’s nothing but like here it is. i haven’t slept in 28 hours. this is bad but anyway. u and warren get drunk on tequila and make out. that’s literally it.

word count: 1,532

warning(s): drinking, kissing, peter maximoff being ur best friend because i said so, idk if i even swore in this but im gonna throw that in there anyway

masterlist

Everything was bright, the grounds of the academy were covered in a layer of warm golden sunlight.

Summer had just come in, the sun had come out to prove it and you were quite happy with the change in the weather. You were laying in the grass outside of Xavier's school, the sun beams hitting your face and casting an almost ethereal glow over you.

Warren watched you from afar, Peter Maximoff laid beside you on the grass making you laugh and smile like he always seemed to be able to do no matter what. Warren would never admit it, but he was jealous, extremely so. 

He wanted to lay out in the sun with you, to be able to make you laugh and smile even if you were about to cry, he wanted what you and Peter had- and some more.

Despite your closeness to the speedster, you weren't dating Peter, Warren knew that but he still wished it was him that was always so close to you.

The winged blond however always held his cards close to his chest. His admiration for you was huge, sure, but it was also silent. You didn't have a clue about what he thought about you, in fact you had almost been sure that he disliked you.

You'd never actually received more than a nod from him, you'd seen him talk to others, to Peter, but he rarely ever opened his mouth to say anything more than a 'hey' to you. 

How were you to know that the boy was simply guarding himself? You weren't a mind reader, unfortunately, and the only reason you knew that he didn't absolutely despise you was the fact that he often teamed up with you during training.

As you enjoyed the sunshine, you felt his eyes on you from across the courtyard, you turned your head toward him, his green eyes were brought out by the way the light hit them when your eyes locked with his, you gave him a soft smile before you  turned your face back to look at Peter.

"Warren's staring at us again." You said, to which Peter only laughed and moved closer to you, whispering in your ear.

"I heard from Ororo that he's got a thing for you." Letting out a laugh of disbelief you shoved Peter playfully.

"Yeah right, he barely says two words to me outside of training." You rebutted only for Peter to shrug and flop his head into your shoulder, "Then why does he look like he's gonna murder me?"

To be fair, Peter did have a point, Warren did seem to be looking at the pair of you with an almost murderous glare.

You couldn't help but giggle as you ruffled your best friend's silver hair, "Maybe he's got a thing for you, Petey." 

Peter laughed wholeheartedly, poking your sides and making you laugh as loud as he was, "Shut up."

"Should I try talking to him at the party later?" You asked, eyes falling on Warren, the way the sunlight hit him made him come across like some kind of Greek god.

"Definitely. He'll be easier to talk to after you both get some liquid courage." Peter encouraged you and you nodded determined to get to the bottom of the winged boy.

There was a party happening that night, a celebration for a successful mission and also a celebration of the good weather, Charles was a sucker for a good barbeque party. 

After a few more hours of soaking up the sun with Peter by your side you decided to go to your room to get ready for the party.

You changed into a dress that was appropriate (but not so appropriate that you didn't turn a few heads), it was a sundress with a fitted top and a flowing skirt that ended just above your knee. You threw on your white converse, so you didn't look too dressed up, checked yourself out in the mirror then headed down to the lake where everyone was partying.

"Damn, who are you tryna impress tonight?" Peter's voice rang out mockingly from behind you before you felt his arm slinging over your shoulder, red solo cup with cheap beer in hand.

"Someone who isn't here apparently." You said, dejected as you looked around and the winged boy you were looking for was nowhere to be found.

Before you knew it, Peter had sped away only to return two seconds later with a triumphant grin on his face and a bottle of Tequila in his hand.

"He's by the edge of the lake." You raised an eyebrow at him and snatched the alcohol out of his hands.

"Did you steal this from him?" You asked the boy in question, laughing as he raised his hands defensively, "Now you have a conversation starter. You're welcome."

With that you began walking towards the more secluded portion of the lake, eventually finding Warren.

"Hey. Mind if I join? I come with alcohol." You greeted him, holding up his bottle of Tequila with a hopeful smile.

"Isn't that my tequila?" The blond asked with a smug smirk, you only shrugged, taking a swig from the capless bottle and sitting down next to him.

"Isn't it technically Charles'? Yanno from his liquor cabinet?" You replied cheekily, taking another swig, the liquid burning your throat as Warren watched you, smirk broadening on his face.

"No comment." He answered, taking the bottle from you and taking a swig himself, you couldn't stop your eyes from watching the way his lips wrapped around the rim of the bottle or how his neck looked as he swallowed.

Shaking yourself out of it before he noticed, you directed your eyes at the lake.

"Can I ask you something?" You asked him, after a few more hits of tequila of course.

Warren raised an eyebrow at you and nodded, he was admittedly starting to get a little tipsy and he could tell that you were right there with him, half the bottle of Tequila gone.

"Do you like, God I don't know- not like me or something?" His eyes widened and he turned to face you fully and you did the same.

"Why do you think that?" He asked, trying his best to play it cool, taking another swig of tequila before offering you the bottle, which you gladly accepted.

You took a gulp before starting, "We never really talk outside of training. Figured you didn't like me all that much since I see you talking to pretty much everyone else." You explained to him with a shrug, passing the bottle back to him.

"Nah I like you plenty." He told you, smugness returning to his face as you mirrored his expression.

"Plenty, huh?" You teased raising your eyebrows and silently challenging him. You didn't expect him to bite but you couldn't back down as he moved his face closer to yours.

You wouldn't be so quick to thank tequila for your state in the morning, but for that moment, tequila was your new best friend.

"Yeah. Plenty." He repeated lowly, breath fanning against your face as his lips moved closer to your own.

His eyes flickered between your eyes and your lips before they eventually settled for staring only at your lips, his own bottom lip trapped between his teeth.

And with your tequila fueled confidence you licked your lips, knowing full well he couldn't take his eyes off them, and whispered a daring, "Prove it."

In speed that could rival Quicksilver's, Warren's lips were moving hungrily against yours and his hands were pulling you into his lap.

All you could taste on his lips was tequila and you could feel yourself becoming more intoxicated with each messy kiss he placed on your lips.

Hands tangling in his blonde curls, he let out a groan when you caught his bottom lip between your teeth gently before pulling away to look at him.

"Do you believe me now?" He asked, already inching his lips back to yours.

"Still could use some convincing." Oh and convince you he did.

[kimnjss]

wait pause 😔🤚🏻

jungkook (ignoring the multiple girls) is actually sweet.. obviously bc its arya, but he really do be looking out for his own friends.. him going out his way to do what he feels is best for his friends, even though he knows he shouldnt insert himself into every problem the couple has (i kno he always does it bc he likes to push their buttons sometimes cause hes a lil shit but he knows when to draw the line) he may be a fuckboi but he just really wants his friends to be happy 🥺 when he thinks he doesnt deserve the same for himself 😔

jungkook saying “doesnt want to go thru the shit arya n joon go thru” when arya asked him when he was gonna have a serious relationship kinda felt like a half truth.. idk he might be like kinda hot!hoseok in this case.. living in the moment type of thing and is in no rush to be in a serious relationship and if it happens, it happens. however rn his feelings are directed towards a girl who is his friend and is already taken by his other friend, so he’s creating as much distance as possible. and the it-was-actually-one-drunk-person-and-the-other-sober-drunken kiss didnt help his situation..

idk why but i feel like jk, joon and hoseok are similar when it comes to their feelings/emotions.. dont get me wrong, they are very affectionate, physically and vocally.. but all three live inside their heads for too long..

jungkook isnt being honest with himself, when he does realise something about himself and his feelings, he dismisses it and blocks it off, and distracts himself until he forgets about it and then it comes back, rinse and repeat.. namjoon isnt communicating with arya properly (neither is she but im like comparing the boys rn LOL) and when he does start showing emotion, its really passive-aggressive (??), its almost like he’s saying something but he isnt saying anything at the same time?? did that make any sense 🤡 idk sometimes its like he expects arya to read his mind and vice versa.. (ALSO not them going back to making out as if nothing happened.. they better have talked 😀👊🏻) but they do love each other, its the communication thats 🥴

and hoseok, if that last part was anything to go by 😬, but whatever he is thinking about to create boundaries to address the co-dependency from his side (dialling it down maybe??), he better be careful bc yn isnt stupid and she picked up on mood change quickly, he’s gotta communicate with her or else it aint gonna be easy in the long run.. yn isnt a mind reader and if he wants things to go smoothly like the past few months have been, he has to speak up and make yn understand how he feels from his pov.. he really be thinking about his feelings about yn and pleasuring yn at the same time.. king of multi-tasking??

(have i connected any dots yet 😳 i swear im getting rusty AJDBAJEBSKAJ)

okay also its either i read thru this chapter quickly or my eyes are playing tricks but i swear this is one of the quicker party fucks LMAOO 😳 although it makes sense cause there’s still a party going on downstairs LMAO but not like its stopped others before 💀 but also hoseok was kinda getting overwhelmed with his feelings/thinking there so..

whew its been a while since ive written something this long 🧍🏻‍♀️idek what ive said anymore -🤼‍♀️

PHEW THIS WAS SO LONG I’M JUMPING !!

okay !! first ., jeongguk has a lot going on the inside ., but when it gets down to it - he’s a really great guy . like his bedroom habits aside . he’s always honest nd clear abt what he’s looking for . he plays around ., but not in the ‘ruin my life’ type of way . his friends always come first to him . there aren’t any times where he has left them hanging nd them being happy correlates to him being happy . same when it comes to arya . his feelings for her are strong nd once he noticed that ., he set boundaries for himself bc of joon . he never crosses them . the only thing he wants for her is to be happy . 

it’s a mixture of both really . he’s not miserable . he enjoys having a line of girls nd meeting new people nd doing his thing . he’s young nd thats how he has his fun . buut if the right girl were to come around - he would not be against settling down nd being in a serious relationship with her . buut the right girl for him right now is already the right girl for someone else - who happens to be his best friend ., so there’s really nothing else he can do . so he buckles down into his hoe life . 

yesss! you got it exactlyyy . they are the exact same when it comes to how they handle their emotions nd all the stuff relating . lmao they’re best friends for a reason . 

the main thing that jeongguk keeps to himself is his true feelings . like on the surface he’s this cool guy that doesn’t care nd has girls knocking down his door nd he’s just out there enjoying himself - not getting attached . nd he’s so into that lifestyle nd focused on making sure that’s who he is perceived as that he ignores everything else that doesn’t fit . not to say he’s not himself ,. jeongguk is himself all the time - his feelings just tend to take a backseat (especially the ones he has for arya bc of how much damage it could do) . // joon definitely wants arya to know what bothers him without properly communicating anything . that comes from the fact that they’ve been together for ten months so he expects her to just know what will make him mad . nd when she doesn’t get it he gets pissy . (they both do that btw) but what they don’t realize that they’ll never go anywhere if they don’t just talk things out . (no they did not have a conversation before making up they just missed each other too much)

his biggest issue is that he’s in his head too much . he’s freaking while realizing that he’s falling in love with her nd that he doesn’t really like being away from her (he’s also extremely dramatic ., it’s not as co-dependent as he thinks) but bc in he’s confused himself when it comes to his feelings for her - he’s more inclined to just shut down nd figure things out on his own . buut that’s not going to fly when it comes to yn ., she’s not the type to take the no communication nd wait around for him to get his life together . even if he doesn’t know what he’s trying to figure out - she’d want that to be told to her so she doesn’t overthink . 

- their smut scene was a little quickie upstairs since they were in yoongi’s room nd the party was going on downstairs still . but hoseok was so deep in his thoughts that it made it seem faster ., he was so overwhelmed with his feelings that being wth yn was like at the back of his mind... (he still did a great job tho so props lmao)

[calpalirwin]

Stuck In My Head

Summary: Anon request- Idk if you've written anything about the quarantine yet? Idk if you feel comfortable right because weird topic. But I feel like Cal has been posting a lot about his mental health during this and it might be cool to explore like living along side him dealing with your own (this was the worst worded request I've ever submitted I'm sorry)

A/N: If you’re struggling, please reach out. I think it’s easy to feel alone, especially now. But please don’t listen to the voice in your head. You are not alone. And you are not bothering anyone. In fact, hearing from you makes our day. 

Content: Mental health awareness. 

Word Count: 1.4k

And away, and away we go!

__

Melody stared blankly at the television screen. The words “Stay at home order” should have hit deeper. But all she could think about was that it was a good idea Calum had run out to the store. 

“Geez it’s like a zoo out there,” Calum announced while the women continued to stare blankly as Governor Newsom continued his speech about his plans for California during these “troubling times.”

“Uh… Mel? Little help?” Calum asked, snapping his roommate out of her daze.

“Shit, sorry,” she apologized, rushing over to help him with the groceries.

“The news say anything?”

“Stay at home order. God knows for how long.”

“Shit, no wonder the stores were all packed.”

“Yeah. How’s this gonna work for your album next week?”

“Fuck…” The question was enough to stop his actions of unpacking the shopping bags. “Fuck..” he repeated. “We’ll figure something out. Probably last minute, but we’ll figure it out. What does this mean for you? You had that photoshoot planned, didn’t you?”

Melody nodded as they put the last of the groceries away. “Yeah, I’ll have to call my agency, and see what’s going on with that.”

“Well don’t stress too much about it,” Calum told her. “I mean, I know you. I know you’re gonna stress about it. But try not to do it too much.”

Melody rolled her eyes. “Yeah I’ll try not to be too torn up over how now sitting on ass is a contribution to society. Every introvert's dream come true.”

Calum chuckled. “I’m just sayin’. If you need me, I’m here. Same as always.”

~~~

Again, Melody was staring blankly at the television screen. The noise was soothing even though she couldn’t focus on the show. She hadn’t been able to focus on much in the last month since quarantine hit. Her job was on hiatus until further notice, and while there was plenty for her to do around the house, she couldn’t bring herself to enjoy it the way she once had.

During the first week she had tried to settle into a routine to keep some semblance of normalcy. But as the days dragged by, time became almost irrelevant. Most nights were spent staring up at her ceiling, watching the fan spin in circles. It took effort to drag herself out of bed before noon. Still, she fought to go through the motions. But it was hard when there was no real reason to. While logically she knew she could get in her car and go visit her friends the way Calum had done with Michael, the excuse of not was heavier than her want. What was there to talk about that couldn’t be said through text anyway? She wanted to see her friends so she could go out with them. But there was nowhere to go out to. And it wasn’t like she didn’t have company because Calum was stuck at home just like she was.

Calum, she was beginning to realize, was the only reason she was bothering putting herself through the paces. She might be sleeping late and wandering around with a blank expression, but at least she was showering, wearing clothes other than sweats, and eating. So she supposed she could be doing a whole lot worse.

But Calum had been right. With the world quiet, there was nothing to drown out the screaming in her mind. Her thoughts swirled angrily in her head and the only relief came through sleep, which of course had been evading her. She had always dealt with insomnia, but having no real routine made it that much worse. She could be on the verge of falling asleep, but it was like the second her head hit the pillow and she finally closed her eyes, she found her energy. Only it wasn’t energy to do anything besides stay awake. Awake and listening to the thoughts.

~~~

Melody watched as the ceiling fan spun around in a hypnotizing circle, jealous that it was moving, unlike her. It had been almost ten weeks now and she was just as lost as she had been when this started. Logically she knew there was nothing for her to worry about. Calum and her were healthy. They all had more money than they knew what to do with. Groceries and other things were being shipped to their doorstep. There was nothing actually wrong. But no amount of talking on the phone with her family and friends, or taking Duke out for small walks around the neighborhood with Calum was enough to shake the feeling of emptiness. Like everything was pause, but it was only on pause for her. Her roommate had managed to stay plenty busy with his music in spite of everything coming to a complete standstill. And while she knew that had nothing to do with her, she couldn’t stop the comparison no matter how hard she tried.

If you need me, I’m here. Same as always.

“Even at… 2:47 am, Cal?” she whispered in the dark as she climbed out of bed.

She paused outside of his bedroom door, debating. It was late. He was probably fast asleep. She should probably just go back to her own room and try again to fall asleep. “Cal?” she asked, her voice low as she entered the dark bedroom. “Cal, are you awake?”

She heard the jingle of Duke’s collar as the dog woke up to readjust himself on the bed. Calum’s arm moved out from under the covers, patting around beside him. “Duke, go back to sleep,” he grumbled, still more or less fully asleep.

“Cal, it’s me,” Melody told him, moving further into the bedroom.

“Mel,” Calum acknowledged as he yawned. “Just Mel, Duke.”

“Cal, scooch over,” she directed as she swallowed her hesitation and edged herself onto his bed.

“Mel, shh. I’m sleepin’,” Calum scolded lightly, but he rolled over in his sleep, allowing her to curl up next to him.

“Keep sleeping, then,” she whispered at him.

Again, he rolled over in his sleep, his arm falling across her. He startled awake, not expecting to find a body there. “Fuck, Mel! Way to give a guy a heart attack! What are you doing in here? Some watchdog you are, Duke…” His voice lost the heaviness of sleep as he worked himself awake with his rambling.

Melody stared up at Calum’s ceiling, watching the fan make its rounds, feeling stupider by the second.

“Mel?” Calum prompted after a good minute or two of silence. “Everything okay?”

“Can’t sleep.”

“Mmm, so bothering me seemed like a good idea?”

Melody rolled her eyes and pushed into his shoulder, his chuckle a deep rumble. “You said you were here if I needed you, yeah?”

“Course.”

“Well I need you.”

He shifted in bed to sit up against the headboard, draping an arm across her shoulder. “Took you long enough.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” she asked, leaning against his shoulder.

“You were going off the deep end before this started.”

“And you didn’t think to say anything?”

He shrugged. “If I approached you, you would get defensive, and retreat further inside yourself.”

“Yeah, I suppose you’re right.”

“So what’s going on in that head of yours?”

“Feeling like a failure. Like no matter how fast I move towards my future, I still feel like I’m getting left behind somehow. Like what I'm doing doesn’t measure up to what other people my age are doing.”

“And with the world at a standstill, you don’t have the noise to silence that voice.”

“Exactly. I mean, I’m cooped up in here for days on end. With nothing but my thoughts to keep me company. And as much as I know that voice is wrong, there’s nothing to dispute it. And it feels weird to complain that I feel useless and helpless when I know that there are people out there who are actually struggling. People who can’t make ends meet even when they did have jobs to go to.”

“Okay, but that’s not how pain works. You’re allowed to hurt, too.”

“But I don’t want to hurt, Cal. That's the whole problem. I don’t want to feel like this.”

“Well, what do you want?”

“I don’t know. This maybe? To be held by someone I know cares about me.”

“Touch-starved?”

“Maybe a little.”

“Well, good. So am I.” He shifted one last time to lay down on his side, pulling Melody’s back to his chest. “Do you mind?”

“No, not at all. This is…” her voice choked around the words, cutting off her sentence.

Calum’s chin rubbed in her hair as he nodded. “I know. I got you, and you got me, right?”

“Always, Cal, always.”

__

Tag List

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[beelziebabie]

Title: Alphabet Headcanons with Beelzebub

Time Started: 4:25 AM

Time Finished: 5:30 AM

SFW or NSFW?: SFW

Reader insert?: Yes

~

SFW:

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Beelzebub has a strange way of showing you affection. He’ll shower you in snacks and different foods until you cant eat anymore, then wait until you can eat to feed you to the brim again. He’s trying his best ok

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

You knew each other from your arrival in Devildom, but your friendship really blossomed when you had to move in with him temporarily. He opened up to you and you respected him a lot for that, especially since you are just a human, no one special. Soon, even after you got your room back, you started hanging out in his room again just to talk with him.

So many movie nights. Only because you want to watch a lot of movies and he just wants popcorn. Secret tips to the kitchen at night, going to Hell’a Kitchen during lunch, all that jazz. He’s obviously a pretty good cook, so if you’re lacking in that department he will surely give you some pointers.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

Is pretty open to cuddles but fairly shy about it. Even if he wants a short hug, he’ll give you hand a light squeeze to get your attention, then stare at you with puppy dog eyes and its hard to say no to that. His favorite way to cuddle you is to envelop you in his arms, most of the time picking you up. When spooning, he likes being the big spoon because it makes him feel like he’s protecting you the way he couldn’t for “others.”

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

Like I said before. Definitely good at cooking. Give him any recipe and he’ll be able to make it better than what you’d expect. He’s decent at cleaning, but most of the time when he cleans up after himself he’ll just get hungry again from thinking about how the mess was made. He’ll go back to eating right when he’s halfway done cleaning. The cycle continues.

And yes, he does want to get settled down, but not yet. He isn’t ready. He’s already pretty mature but he has a lot of anxiety of not being able to protect the little one good enough. He doesn’t want a repeat of what happened.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

Gently but also very straightforward at the same time. Right at the end of the day, because he would want to ruin their mood for the entire day. He’s give them a huge hug first (depending on the reason why he’s breaking up with them) then tell it to them straight up. He’d explain why straight after, apologize, then leave to give them some time to think.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

Very loyal. Super super loyal and would do anything for his partner’s sake. Again, he doesn’t want to get married right at the moment, but when he’s older and stronger he’d definitely consider it.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

GENTLE GIANT. Snacks and cuddles always available if you ever need it, just say the word. The average demon is taller than the average human by a long shot, and on top of that Beelzebub is taller than your average demon. He’d carry you wherever you’d want to go, always at your beckon call.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

Loves hugs so much. Ive said this a lot before but he really, REALLY likes the feeling of being able to shield you from anything that could potentially harm you. He doesn’t initiate the hugs often. His hugs are very warm and cozy, like sitting in front of a fireplace. But sometimes hug sessions get interrupted from his grumbling belly lol

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

Not very fast. He’s scared to get attached too quickly and end up losing you. So he’d wait until it was unbearable to wait any longer. Then he’d probably say it on accident and will be so flustered about it.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

Not the jealous type! But when he does get jealous its obvious. He’ll eat a little bit less than usual, he’ll look a bit angrier, and it’ll be easier to tick him off.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

Collarbone and neck kisses when he’s feeling Intimate, Forehead and cheek kisses for something cuter. Especially likes forehead kisses because it reminds him of his height different between you two. When you share your first kiss, he’ll of course taste like food. But past that, he tastes like peppermint and cherry, quite an addicting flavor if you ask me. He probably keeps multiple packs of gum on him just to make sure his breath is fresh.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

So so protective. Since theyre young, naive, and weak, he’d use that as even more of a reason to protect them from literally anything. Plastic fork? Dangerous. Doll? Dangerous. String? DEFINITELY dangerous.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

When he wakes up he wastes no time in getting ready. If anything he rushes, a lot. Just to get downstairs and eat. But when he isnt rushing, he’d actually lay in his bed for a good 10 minutes before actually getting up. His mornings are kind of slow, when he isnt hingry that is.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

Cuddles all through the night. He’ll only let you go if its an absolute emergency. If not, don’t expect to be getting up until his next snack break.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

I said this earlier but he started opening up to you when you had to move in with him. He says everything slowly, because thinking back on those times hurts him a lot. You’ll definitely need to hold him through it, even if its just holding his hand.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

Not very easily. He’s also very east to please, too. Just don’t eat his food and everything is good.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

All depends on his relationship with you. When youre starting off as friends, he wont pay any mind to the little things you do. But as your relationship progresses he starts to notice them and honestly he gets a bit flustered by it.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

The first time you cook something for him. It wouldn’t taste the same as anything else he has ever eaten before. He would love it so much that he would beg you to make him food more often.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

Ive already covered this and its kinda nnoying now lmao

And no, he wouldn’t want to be protected. He believes that he is strong enough to protect himself and he doesn’t want to burden anyone.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

Tbh not much for dates and gifts and stuff like that. For anniversaries however, he’ll take you out on a date to one of his favorite restaurants, or cook a huge meal for both you and him. He’d eat most of it though.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

He eats a lot. And he eats anything that fits his appetite, even if its not actual food. And sometimes when you’re together his hunger will pop up again and he’ll need to eat something before continuing. You don’t blame him, but he feels a bit bad about it.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

Not very concerned at all. He’ll occasionally dress up but only if he’s being told to. Other than that, no, he doesn’t really care much about his looks. He just wants to look presentable enough to go out.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

Also depends on your relationship with him. If you’re just a friend who he occasionally talks to, then no, he wouldn’t care much about you. But anything past that he would feel like you are becoming more and more part of him.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

idk lmfao

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

In general, he wouldn’t like it if you were sneaky when it comes to food. Please don’t ever steal his food. I’m begging you.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

Cant sleep without holding something. Whether it be a pillow or a person, he needs to hold something while going to sleep. When you came into his life he slowly eased that onto you, starting with just sitting on the bed with you as you slept, then he would lay down with you and drape his arm across you, then after that he’d hold you just like a child would to a teddy bear.

~

NSFW version coming right after this!

(sorry if theres spelling mistakes lmfao im so tired sorry)

[heavenwithgyu]

The Monster Under My Bed

↬ summary: being his “monster” was never fun, work was never fun. but he was.

↬ word count: 1.1k

↬ genre: F

↬ a/n: i might make a part two idk, i didn’t want this to get to long. Also, my first actual ff im posting on here so enjoy i suppose, and it wasn’t proofread either so ignore the mistakes if there is any.

I sat in my office, my feet kicked up on my desk as I yawned.

I hadn’t gotten much sleep recently and I dreaded actually going to work as I wouldn’t do my best.

I put my hands behind my head, sighing as I closed my eyes, deciding to get a little shut eye before I had to go. I settled further into my chair, recrossing my legs to get more comfortable before I actually started my nap.

I found myself sitting in a field, flowers encompassed me while I watched the sky, a clear blue sight with a few cotton candy looking clouds floating around.

I stood up, walking towards the forest nearby, curiosity getting the best of me as I walked deeper.

The forest growing more and more compact until I was brushing against trees on both sides, having to break branches to keep going. The need to go further into the forest exponentially larger until I was practically running, my sides beginning to hurt as I kept going, the branches growing continuously sharper.

I reached a small hole in the forest, looking around before spotting a crow.

It looked back at me before smiling at me, a set of teeth accompanied the smile, a feeling of dread coming from deep within me.

“Wake up now, you’ll be late for work.” It said before it opened its mouth, my alarm from my office came from it.

I woke up in a cold sweat, turning off the alarm and standing up.

Shaking my shoulders, I walked over to my station, waiting a few seconds.

My body grew lighter before I was under his bed.

Bang Junhyuk, someone who still believed in us, monsters.

Mostly because I did my job correctly, other monsters normally grow tired of their “partners” and giving up, finding a younger one to feed on.

I didn’t want to give up on him yet, he was the highlight of my day because I would normally catch him in the middle of singing which would make his reactions better if I appeared in the corner of his eyes.

He would scream loudly, yelling at who he thought was someone he knew before realizing nothing was there.

It was funny.

I heard him rustling on the bed, mumbling a song to himself as he did something, I was guessing eating as he did that a lot as well.

I knew a lot about him since I had been with him for a while, I knew he drew a lot as he had of drawings taped up in the room, but occasionally would take them down.

I knew he shared a room with someone, but they would be out of the room a lot, I would always make sure to leave before he would be in the room.

I had their schedule down very well, he would stay out late at night and come back exhausted, on days like that, I left him alone because I have morals, I know when he needs to be left alone.

I crept out from under the bed, standing up against the wall to where he wouldn’t see me.

I walked closer, pausing when I heard him rustle around more before the lights to the room turned on and he was looking at me straight on.

I squeaked before dropping down, turning into a shadow on the ground.

“Woah wait, I just wanted to meet you! I didn’t know you could do that.” He exclaimed, I came back up, him staring at me with fascination.

“You wanted to.. meet me?” I asked slowly, he nodded as he smiled at me.

“You look far different than I expected, I thought you would look scarier than that.” He said, gesturing to me.

I looked at myself and realized I just looked like a normal person, minus the bright blue skin.

“I-I, well this is what I look like every day. I can change what I look like to be scarier but this is what I genuinely look like. How did you know I was in here, Junhyuk?” I asked, sitting on the floor to which he joined me, sitting in front of me.

He chuckled before he did though, seemingly proud of himself.

“I timed it, I realized you always appear at the same time and leave right before Minjae comes in. But I know you also enjoy my drawings because I’ll find them on my table laid out neatly, and I know you enjoy Seongjun’s cooking since I’ve found food missing when I was eating it.” He said, I laughed as I nodded.

“Okay but in my defense, his food is good. Especially his tteokbokki.” I replied, his eyes lit up as he agreed quickly, us laughing together before we both quieted down.

“What’s your name?” He asked, I looked at him, pausing for a second.

I had said it instantly in my head, ready to just give him my name.

It was Rosie, so it wasn’t that scary at all which would make him less scared of me, assuming he was scared of me at all anymore.

“I think we’ll put off from that question.” I answered, him staying silent afterwards.

“I still can’t believe I technically caught you.” He mumbled, his gaze moving from my face, shocked to see me still.

“Neither can I, I’ve never heard of someone catching one of us before, which is why I still tried to hide after you did catch me.” I told him, giggling as I realized how silly his first impression was of me. It was me turning into a little shadow on the ground, not the scary thing that had been with him for years.

He looked back at me, scoffing out of disbelief.

“You should probably get going, Minjae will be here soon, he’s running early tonight.” He said suddenly, I nodded as I stood up, looking at the light switch to be able to turn off the lights.

The lights dimmed and I slid under his bed, settling before I felt him grab my arm, alarm raising in me as I heard him begin mumbling.

“I hope we can be friends after this.” He said before letting go, me landing back at my station.

“Friends..?” I repeated aloud to myself, surprised he would want to be friends with me.

I walked over to my desk, plopping in it with disbelief as I stared straight ahead, trying to grab a hold of what happened. My cover had been blown and instead of him hating me and being terrified, he was nice and wanted to be my friend.

“What the hell just happened?” I asked myself, dropping my head into my hands as I tried to grasp what I would do now.

Technically I should find a new partner, he was no longer scared of me so my job was over.

But he wanted to be friends and I couldn’t just leave him, he seemed like a good person and I would hate to hurt him like that.

I sighed into my hands before I let my hands fall onto the table, not sure how to process what happened or move on.

I would have to think about it for a few days, which meant a break from him.

[wormssss]

so. basically. tl;dr i ffuucking hate school it sucks and it doesnt. do ANYTHING but make things worse . anyway.

the schooling system like. it sucks for me specifically in a few ways idk abt anyone else. for starters; neurodivergency literally at all makes it so hard to function in a classroom environment. its so loud? idk if anyone else gets that in their classrooms but you can hear my class of 23~ from the bottom floor of the 3 story building and that’s considered quiet. as well as like, i cannot function in a classroom without my friends? im out at school and like.... everyones.. transphobic obv why wouldnt they be, and its not in like a..any avoidable way. if i sit with the guys they’ll refuse to talk to me and deadname me all period adn if i sit with the girls theyll laugh at me every time i fucking breathe idk, but the school still thinks putting me in a classroom with kids that visibly hate me and see me as a CRINGE ENTERTAINMENT IRONY MACHINE is like a good idea? and a good way for me to make friends? i dont know if its my luck or if they’re deliberately doing it, but, next term for example i have drama and cooking as classes. two of my friends also have cooking ....but they dont have me in their class. they’re together. but im not in their class. im on my own because other than them and the girl who already did cooking these past two terms (so she cant do it next term) i have.... no other friends. so im definitely in a class of complete strangers! and the way they have this school, you have no choice but to work with someone else in a cooking class...... you are paired with someone in the same mini kitchen and its a disaster but i digress.

also, like. school goes for 6 hours. by the time you get home and get changed and get settled, its sunset so you can’t go out and do anything. you can’t go to the park or climb a tree. youre stuck inside. your family is like groggy from work or whatever and doesnt want to talk to you. you have no energy to get online and talk to your friends online. or theyre asleep. so basically at least for me i get... no time to actually talk to my friends, for example i havent had an actual conversation with piper in like... two months i swear. we’ve forgotten how to talk to eachother and that actually goes with all of my friends. by the weekend we’re still awkward because we havent spoken in months so we can’t really even talk. and because of this rigid like, routine you have to have to actually be able to go to school at all (wake up 7. eat. get dressed. go to school. come home. get changed. eat. shower. go to bed. repeat), i actually like.... find myself. forgetting Everything. i dont know what it is about strict routine where i cannot be myself (my school has a strict and ugly uniform), but it makes me ... completely forget everything slowly and my memory decays. my time blindness gets worse to the point where i dont know what month it is on a regular basis and like... i ditch a lot? because of this? maybe if the schedule didnt make me dissociate and forget everything i wouldnt ditch constantly and like. actually go to school. but like my attendance is... im not at school 25% of the time because i physically cannot go every single day and attend to that rigid and exact cycle that doesnt even teach me anything

doesnt even teach me anything? i dont ... learn anything from school. they like. reteach the same meaningless part of a subject every single year. every year in religious studies in october i learn about the rosary and we spend a lot of the period praying the rosary and i like. ok. cool. its a religious school yeah but what am i actually learning from this. and every year in social studies we learn abt the waitangi treaty but the way they teach it is so whitewashed and utopian and its fucked and they teach it the same way every year around the same time. and anzac day. and in math im not going to use any of those skills you teach me, i dont care about algebra or anything because thats not really going to actually help me in my life im an artist for fucks sake teach me about managing my own finances! teach me how to do taxes! teach me how to function in the society i live in! teach me the important things that ill sink under or die without knowing i want to actually know important things but by cramming so many unimportant things in my brain all the time i forget the actual important things, i fucking failed basic addition and subtraction last year, i’ve forgotten division and multiplication past the 10 times table, but i can vaguely read an algebra equasion BUT FUCKING ALGEBRA EQUASIONS WILL NEVER UFCKING GET ME ANYWJERE!!!!! and it makes me so fucking angry i want to learn and function and KNOW

and the way they tightly bundle everyone to being one conforming individual who dresses like everyone else, is at the same intelligence level as everyone else, is a catholic like everyone else, does not question authority as everyone else or does not question themselves like everyone else or think like anyone else OR BE DIFFERENT THAN ANYONE ELSE makes me want to FUCKING THROW UP. there are so many hopes and dreams that i remember watching from primary school to now sink into a hopeless pit of stereotypes and basic conformity, people who used to be nice are suffocated into being horrible people so that theyre liked by their peers or get anny attention from the school at all, guys who used to respect women (god forbid) suddenly becoming horrible to anyone of any slightly different gender identity but you can actually see on their face how weird it is to them, waves of 11-14 year olds getting nose studs that get infected and they’re forced to have them taken out by the school, kids trying to do their makeup to look like SOMEONE to BE AT ALL DIFFERENT FROM ANYONE ELSE are put right back in their place and told to take it all off and their parents are called and if youre caught with the wrong jacket your parents are called and youre told youre too poor to wear what the school provides yet THEY DONT EVEN LET YOU WEAR WHAT THE SCHOOL PROVIDES WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS 70 DOLLAR HOODIE FOR WHEN YOU WONT LET ME WEAR IT WHILE IM SHIVERING I DONT SEE THE POINT OF ENFORCING SUCH TIGHT POINTLESS SMALL BOUNDARIES OF WHAT A PERSON CAN BE WHY IS IT SO LIMITED? are we not allowed to do anything? you cant even have one strip of hair dye yet a teacher can have a full head of bright purple hair what’s that about? you can have antisemetic pins on your senior year blazer jacket but the second you put a pride pin on there youre called to the principals office and asked why youre promoting this to kids

you try a speech on trans rights and they dont even pass you and pretend its because you got over the time limit but you didnt, you timed it yourself for your friends you didnt get over the time limit and you know it but you didnt even place in fourth you placed last out of 6 or 8 and you wonder why that is because every year in the past you soared into first so whats that about???? in my speech i said be yourself and dont be afraid to experiment with your gender lightly and they told me to take it out because its seen as too much and i said what the fuck? that’s the most important part of my speech, i want to promote acceptance in others and the self and they said take it out or you cant present your speech. they actively suffocate any sort of self expression or nonconformity of any sort you have to be a plain cookiecutter boy or girl and thats it you cannot be anything else, for nearly 6 months theyve fought me and my mom about my hair but if anyones being hurt by it its me because it draws more attention to the kid you can call slurs, are you hurt because im actually expressing myself? are you hurt by my little sharp stud earrings and my industrial piercing and the embroidered cuff on my shirt? are you offended by the heart on my belt or the platforms on my school shoes because the last time i checked none of these were illegal things to have at school

this kind  of got a lot angrier than i meant to make it but ive been . really angry abt this for the past year idk. i really just wanted to write this because i ahvent spoken to piper properly in months and the way we talk now seems like when we just met but i cannot carry a conversation anymore because school knocked the wind out of me all over again and the sudden inability to talk to any of my friends online makes me want to scream until my lungs give out im so tired

[some-rfa-imagines]

TW: Blood mention!! I woke up at 2 in the AM with a bloody nose. Funny thing is, I can handle blood UNLESS it comes from my nose. A nosebleed makes me feel faint real quick, which is super inconvenient, because if I pass out I’ve just gotten blood everywhere. I spend like an hour trying to distract myself so I don’t faint. I was wondering if you could write the RFA’s reaction to something like that? It’s totally fine if you can’t, me sending a request was very impulsive. :P

lkjhgfddhgkgk what a mOOD

a) im upset bc i wrote this and then delETED IT ON ACCIDENT so im vvv sorry if it seems repetitive, im real tired and so done with rewriting kjgfddklasd

b) i’m the exact same anon! anyway, i hope you’re okay //hugs

tw: blood

Yoosung:

its approx 1:29am when you wake up to taste blood trickling down your throat

gdi not again

you quietly slip out of bed, careful not to wake yoosung as you stumble around to look for a tissue

suddenly you’re hit with a wave of dizziness and you trip, hitting the edge of the bedside table with a BANG

 “…MC? what was that?”

yoosung wakes up as your swear profusely under your breath, trying to cover your face before you get blood everywhere

he turns on the light and faces you

and promptly shREIKS

“MC OMG YOU’RE BLEEDING”

“really. i couldn’t tell.”

after getting over the initial shock, he helps you over to the bathroom, cleaning you up gently and grabbing you some tissues and a towel

how on earth did you get blood on your elbow MC

oh no wait thats just a cut from the bedside table nvm

wAIT-

he dips the towel in cold water and rests it against your neck, changing it when it gets too warm (idk thats just what i do to help my bleeding noses so ┐(´∀｀)┌)

talks with you and distracts you by drawing little patterns on your skin for as long as it takes for your body to stop inconveniencing you

will wait up all night if necessary

many tissues were sacrificed that night

Zen:

ahhhh no shit shit shit this is the worst possible time

you’re backstage at one of Zen’s shows, waiting for him when you sneeze into your elbow

when you pull away, you see the familiar red liquid and promptly sigh, holding a hand t ot. he bridge of your nose and wobbling as you get to your feet

thats when Zen bursts into the dressing room, chatting excitedly. he sees you and stops short

…..

quick say something MC!

“Nice show, Zen.” (really MC?) “Thanks babe. You alright there?” “Yep. Just peachy.” “You sure?” “Uh-huh. positive.”

you take a step forward and immediately c o l l a p s e

Zen catches you in his arms (looks like you fell for him //slapped) and guides you back to the couch, laying you down

“yeah, nope. just stay there, i’ll grab a towel and some tissues” “yeah, okay, good plan. thanks zen”

he brings you some water and chocolate and distracts you by singing and talking about what he thought went well during the show and what could’ve been done better

you give your input every once in a while, half struggling to stay awake

its ok bc even if you faint (which would still suck), Zen will still take care of you

bc he loves you

many cuddles until you feel better

Jaehee:

[she likes to consider herself a rather prepared person

but nothing could prepare her for this]

she wandered into the kitchen late at night, wondering why you weren’t in bed yet

she didn’t expect to see you passed out, sitting on a stool, resting against the sink and covered in blood.

actually screams in terror (she thought you were dead

rushes over to you and panics, immediately checking your pulse

you’re still alive, oh thank god

relief for a second before realising that jhghjk you’re still bleeding

she props you up and carries you to the bathroom, laying you down in the bathtub before washing you off

there goes that outfit rip

googles what she has to do from here bc does she wake you up? does she wait for you to wake up?? she is Not Prepared

settles on waking you up by gently shaking you and talking to you until you wake up

So Relieved when you begin to stir and open your eyes

you’re hella confused as to how you got into the bathroom but it all begins to make sense when you see jaehee sitting on the edge of the tub, worried as all hell

oh beb, MC didn’t mean to make you panic im sorry

stays with you and comforts you everytime it happens so she never has to go through that fear ever again

Jumin:

it had to be now, didn’t it? this very moment. of course. it just had to be during a celebratory ball.

you felt it coming as you chatted with some friends and you instantly began to panic

okay, okay, stay calm MC. You’ve done this before, it’s okay. everything’s okay.

“If you’ll excuse me for a moment. I just need some air.” you left the conversation, ducking into a nearby hallway and leaning against a table. you stayed like that for a while, beginning to feel faint

~meanwhile~

jumin is wandering around the ballroom, looking for you. he meets up with your friends who tell him you stepped out for a little fresh air maybe 20mins ago.

oh okay

he knew you so he knew that you were most likely fine but there was a little nagging voice in the back of his mind that told him something was wrong. so, he gave it another ten minutes or so before he began to worry

excusing himself, he stepped into the same hallway that you were in before stopping dead in his tracks at the sight of you

you were collapsed in a chair, almost unconscious, with your nose still fuckin bleeding

jumin.exe has stopped working

needless to say, you immediately left the ball and went straight home

he ran his fingers through your hair as you rested, helping you wash your face and just whispering sweet nothings or sitting in silence w/ you until you finally fell asleep

contacts many doctors to figure out this problem so your health doesn’t decline

helps distract you by talking about new projects or funny things he overheard at the office or wine

Saeyoung:

oof this is untimely

you were just getting out of the shower when you glanced down and noticed a steady trickle of blood making its way down your chest

“ARE YOU KIDDING ME”

you could’ve sworn it was just water like three seconds ago

asdtyjkl now you have to go back and shower agAIN aaagghhghh

you go to hop back into the shower when you’re suddenly overwhelmed by dizziness

CRASH

seven jolts at the massive bang that echoes through the house. even saeran sends him a text to ask what the hell that was

it sounds like it came from the bathroom,,, and wait, weren’t you taking a shower?

the worst case scenarios flash through his mind and in half a second saeyoung’s up and dashing to the bathroom

when he gets there his eyes widen and he starts knocking on the door frantically

he can smell that very familiar, metallic crimson scent. (lololol seven is a bloodhound now its canon bc i said so)

“MC!! MC!! It’s me, open up!”

picks the lock when you dont get the door

literally freezes on the spot when he sees you on the floor, surrounded by bright red blood

“Holy shit, MC!!!!”

panics. a lot. he doesnt even care that you’re naked, he needs you to wake up and now. he needs you not to be dead.

basically faints from relief when you groan in pain, bringing a hand to your head to shield your eyes from the light.

“seven, what are you doing in here?” “i thought you were dead MC!” “huh? ah- oh… that… i’ll explain that later… first could you, uh, hand me my towel?” “What? …!”

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

anyway, he shows you all his gadgets whenever you have a bleeding nose so you don’t have a repeat of the above incident.

he helps you clean up the blood afterwards. he’s,,,, surprisingly good at it,,,,

whoops i had a nap while rewriting this

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