#idk its weird im not in danger from myself or others i just

[bandtrees]

Also Mingus. Of course

SEND ME A CHARACTER!!

MINGUS!!!!!!!! OF COURSE. under the cut lol

Sexuality Headcanon: bi :] it's ourple just like her. i don't think she especially cares for romance or ponders her sexuality much, but in less of an "arospec" way and more of a "forming human connection with her is a losing battle" way. i usually love arospec hcs and do see aro mingus somewhat often but it's just not something i really see myself.

Gender Headcanon: generally cis woman but i feel like if she learned what being nonbinary was she would try and release and trademark her own neopronouns and make people pay to use them. i do also see her being interpreted as transfem sometimes and i think that's a really interesting reading but not one that i actively subscribe to.

A ship I have with said character: ghghnmnnormingus. it's been really fuckin funny watching the tides change in the fandom on this ship - for a while i'd pondered it but never said anything, and then there was the time period where it was considered a weird cursed minority and i got vagueposted about it, and THEN mich came and singlehandedly pilled the masses and now its just, like, a ship. funny how that goes. but all of that talk aside, i just think they have so much potential in, like, every stage of their dynamic. the timeframe where norm's consumed by his completely one-sided obsession (/neg) with her is SO fun to think about, as is the idea post-canon of them forging a more normal relationship and possibly more. they're two of dialtown's most intricately-written characters imo, and it really shows in how layered all of their interactions are :'] there is so much baggage between them and simultaneously so little (with the point of "norm cares way more about her opinion of him than she even thinks about him") and it just makes the final confrontation of ch3 pay off so damn well. listen to nemeses by jonathan coulton it's THE normingus song to me. ⬇ SOOO ch3 norm @ mingus to me

A BROTP I have with said character: god her dynamics with all the mingling are so funny, i could listen to that group of people babble on literally forever. i wanna hear them talk about non-green related issues i want to hear what this room sounds like when its time to argue about, idk, taxes

A NOTP I have with said character: dialtown does not have that many options for edgelord proshittery but i have seen efforts at the one(1) they have. Unfortunately .

A random headcanon: always has some kind of headwear on, whether it be her trademark little hat or other ones she has made for her, or headbands or headscarves or whatnot. it's mostly cuz her head looks really off to me without the hat so i work in substitutes when im drawing or imagining her in more casual settings

General Opinion over said character: the height of dialtown's writing, her and everything to do with her. dialtown is already a good game but it goes from good to great when mingus takes center stage, imo. she's so interesting and also funny to watch - i think "seems silly but actually has deeper stuff going on"-type stories are best when the silly and the serious are tightly interwoven and you can't really distance them from eachother, and mingus is a great show of that as an inherently super tragic but also super funny character. there's not a word of dialogue she speaks where you don't get the impression of how pathetic and overcompensating she is, and that works both for humor and for sadness really well. i also like, in general, when typically "sympathetic" character flaws are played to be difficult or dangerous - in mingus' case her insecurity and desperation to follow in her grandfather's footsteps, and her compassion in wanting to be one of the only people left who still really care about him, it's objectively very noble- but less so when it becomes everyone else's problem rather than just hers. she has this in common with her grandfather 👍

[all-hail-albert]

ok this might seem rly controversial and im kind of stressed out from the thought of posting it but i felt like it needed to be said

if you didnt know, there were a decent amount of people (at least while i was watchiing flamingo much more) that speculated that Albert was bisexual.

And idk, but that just . uh how do i say it

I feel like, as a queer person myself, its not fair to speculate a real persons sexual identity like that, regardless of which sexuality they actually identify as. IT can make closeted influencers anxious and afraid, and it can just make ppl uncomfortable in general. + no one should be forced to come out and people shouldnt talk that much about a REAL PERSONS sexuality as if they were making up headcanons for a fictional character. they have their own emotions insecurities + etc and it just seems a bit too weird to do that

obviously sometimes influencers leave intentional hints of their queerness, and you arent MORALLY REPREHENSIBLE if you think that a celebrity/influencer/anyone in your life MIGHT BE QUEER. But to make videos, posts and other stuff about that, complettely disregarding how the person themselves feels abt it? idk. just seems weird to me (and not weird in a good way).

queer influencers dont need to deal w that shit. non-queer influencers dont need to deal w that shit.

especially if someone is just trying to 'headcanon' an influencers sexuaality so they can ship them w other ppl

listen like. if the influencer THEMSELVES says its fine, then yea sure, as long as they made it obvious theyre fine w that stuff, do whatever. but if they hadnt? dont assume bc you could possibly make them rly uncomfortable

its just like. idk, its also potentially dangerous for some influencers. their perception by the general public may change especially if theyre popular or mainstream. this isnt even about flamingo anymore im just speaking generally.

ok sorry. rant over

(i think its fine to joke abt it bc as far as im aware albert also sometimes jookes abt it? but serious speculation is too much imo)

[elfelt-valentine]

I am very glad that general public has moved past the need to identify themselves with either proship or antiship (i wonder if it has something to do with growing up? cuz when i was a teenager it was still everywhere even though im pretty much still around the same circles ive been like 4 years ago. we all grew up i guess LOL) because both communities are absolutely unnecessary vile and lack any sort of critical thinking skills or desire to listen to someone with differing opinion.

As much as it is going to be useless to try to explain to a hardcore proshipper that """shipping""" """"problematic"""" things is bad and harmful and it doesn't make a person explaining that to them a puritan it's just as useless to try to explain to a hardcore "anti" that shipping something unhealthy or being into "weird" kinks doesn't define person's moral standing or them as a person.

And by the last one i don't mean pedophilia or incest - it's specifically ships that are purposefully between people who are bad for each other. It always comes down to the way the person goes about such dynamics that you can judge for yourself whether you want anything to do with them. Cuz most of the time it's not that they think abuse is awesome, or unhealthy relationships are cute, it's just that sometimes someone doesn't give a shit about implications and whatnot and goes off of the surface level of understanding of that relationship and they decided for themself that its cute. But i digress.

It is honestly horrible to see adults so deep in their own ass trying to defend horrid behavior in spaces dedicated to kids, spread content actively harmful and putting children into the headspace where they can become an easy target for predators, and make it even harder to try to have the conversations with children about how it is harmful.

But it's foolish to try and think that both sides of this stupid internet war aren't batshit weird. Both spread outright lies about each other to make each other look bad for people who don't know any of this stuff. It's foolish to think that there aren't predators in the "anti" spaces. Predators will be everywhere, what we need to get our attention to is spreading information on how to recognize them and stay away from them, not that certain content or spaces will make kids more susceptible to becoming a victim.

In the end of the day you won't stop people from making horrible things, sadly. And what's even more disturbing is that for many years "anti" spaces has created an environment where making a mistake is equal to having your entire internet presence near dangerous and very psychologically draining. One think proshippers are right about and it's that "antis" aren't always exactly concerned about children but about upholding higher moral ground.

Not to get personal but it certainly didn't protect me from predators. It certainly didn't make me feel better about myself or feel safe or like i could grow as a person if i always say the "right" thing and would be too scared to misstep or i will be shunned from the internet.

Idk where im going with this actually. I guess what im trying to get at is think for yourself and learn from your mistakes and listen to people when they say how things harm them. It certainly helped me get out of the proshipper spaces and antishipper spaces eventually.

[sentientgopro]

Hey y'all, not exactly active on here, especially when talking about myself, but I really need to get some shit off my chest right now. I had a couple realisations yesterday that culminated in some shit I never thought I would be saying or thinking.

I never thought I could be anything but straight. I liked women, so I mustve been straight. Im definately an advocate for everyone giving their gender true consideration, even when most will come out the other side cis, and confidently so, as did I.

Then I realised I didn't like women in the way most straight guys do. Afer clearing up some prior misconceptions about Aromanticism and asexuality, I realised those two labels fit me perfectly. But sometimes I wonder why I still feel a certain way about girls. There's just something about the way they look that's appealing to me, even if I dont find girls attractive...

Oh shit. That wasn't attraction. That was envy.

So that train of thought kind of went from 0 to 10 real fucking fast. This realisation brought to my attention feelings that Ive had for a good while, but have passed off as r/196 induced brainrot. Besides, and this is the biggest thing that stopped me realising this earlier, I dont feel that who I am now is wrong. I look in the mirror, and I see myself. But I've only recently kinda grasped the concept that being trans isn't all about dysphoria, having dysphoria is not always the way to tell. Although I dont think being a man is wrong, fucking hell, being a girl would be much better. And it feels so fucking weird actually typing that.

But what I'm saying is, atleast for the time being, I could manage to just not do anything. Which is for the better seeing as my parents would start screaming at me for saying anything remotely in the direction of being an ally. And I live on TERF Island. Transitioning would be an absolute pain in the ass, especially right now, so it kinda feels like why bother when the way I am doesnt really feel wrong. Transitioning could be quite dangerous and have big risks, it kinda just feels like I dont need that shit in my life, Im already running on fumes and a list of people I need to outlive. I usually hold a mindset of "if it ain't broke, don't fix it", but this usually applies to binary things, like if my team wins using the same strat a few times in a row in CS, "Do it again, ain't broke, don't fix", but this is not nearly as binary as that, this isn't a win/loss.

Something that is both comforting and a little concerning is that no matter what, there is atleast a 2 year hold on this. I should be able to go to uni after that and start living my own life, but as of right now, doing something like transitioning is NOT an option. Ive got a 2 year long planning phase and Ive kinda just been taking stock tbh. I don't think "that" period of my life hit too hard, Im still skinny (Yeah, ik skinny =/= feminine but its better than being buff imo) kinda fuckin tall, if my growth follows the same as my brother did which it is so far Im gonna be like 6'3 by the end of that 2 years (6'1 now) so thats probably gonna be more of a mild annoyance than a genuine problem. My voice varies ALOT, I can have a pretty damn low voice, and a bit of a higher pitch, it naturally varies, I normally find I talk in a higher pitch when I'm happier and lower when Im trying to appear more... normal? idk, theres probably somrthing to think about in that.

Honestly idk, theres no real end point to this, I just wanted to talk about this somewhere. As much as I never saw myself being in this position, I use r/196, play ULTRAKILL, and Study Computer Science and want to continue it as a career path, cmon, it was only ever a matter of time, this was inevitable.

[butch-bakugo]

I mean... This whole "issue" of people using names of cultures they dont belong to dose have some merit. Like i get that you dont want someone appropriating cultures or fetishizing others or using things they dont understand and i fully agree

However!!

It comes from 4 weird places. First off, you cant just assume someone isnt a part of the culture their using the name from. Like people can look nothing like some of their races and you habe no idea what culture someone could of been adopted into and raised in. You have no right to tell someone who isnt ethnically/racially chinese who was raised in chinese culture after being adopted by chinese parents that they cant connect with the culture they were raised in. Ur a fucking idiot.

2nd off, dont just assume anyone who uses a name from a different culture is doing so unknowingly, fetishly, appropriatively or without full comprehension. Like idk man, some people are actually informed and know the origins of the name they want to go by. Some people can genuinely like a name and culture and it dosent make them a "fetishist" if they are respectful. Names are not an appropriative property. You cant pretend your something just by having a name outside of your culture/race. There are many bellas in the world and no one automatically assumes they're italian. There are many levis(oh look! The name most people know me as and is listed as my main name!) And no one assumes they're Hebrew/jewish. To automatically assume anyone who uses a name is an idiot and dosent know its origins or meaning is very pretentious. You dont know that person. You dont know their life or their amount of research, if done at all.

3rdly. This is the internet. Who gives an actual shit??? What fucking sociopath in 2022 gose by their actual irl name on the internet? Thats how you die. Thats how you get swatted and doxed. Its so dangerous to go by your legal name on the internet. Not to mention that names on the internet mean fuck-all. Anyone could be behind the screen of any gender, sex, ethnicity, culture, history, etc and you have no idea if they are what they say they are. An internet persona is a mirage and you have no proof or idea if any info ive said about myself is correct, hell, you have no clue if any info anyone on the internet said about themselves is correct.

Given, for clarities sake, I'm not lieing about the shit ive been through or what i am. Thats a pretty elaborate, complex and detailed lie to keep up and id perfer to not give myself the stress associated with that.\gen

But seriously. I could actually be asian. Or not. I could be an a.i for all you know. Cut the crap, you dont genuienly care who uses what name from what culture. The only people who care are American white liberals with brainrot.

4th and most importantly, and imma put on big text for this cause its real fuckin important

The idea that people can/should only use names from the cultures they originated from is based in ethnic cleansing and segregation.

It was made to make the "enemy"(see:poc) visable. To notice them on job applications or in doctors offices. The idea is if they feel they must name their child by their culture that they can be more easily spotted then oppressed. So many poc parents, especially those who are black or immegrants, admit to choosing to give their babies whiter names so they are less likely to be picked on and more easily blend into english and/or American society. By taking away the notion that "x culture sounding name means your automatically x", we take away the power of assocation that racists rely on. We remove the assumptions and force people to be more racially open and aware.

Im not saying names should be completely stripped of their culture significance,obvs but saying "black people can only have black names and white people can only have white names and asian people can only have asian names" sounds racist as fuck to me. Sounds segregative, isolating and like some half hearted attempt at "ethnic name-al purity" which is gross. Its like assigning genders to clothes or pronouns to objects, it makes no sense to force it to only be one thing when it is innate.

Thats my more in-depth take and i utterly refuse to acknowledge this stupid conversation again. Seriously. Saying "only x people can have x cultural names or else your a fetishizing appropriative racist" is fucking stupid and weird and have some racistly sterotypical undertones all delivered by a as usual, white knight, someone who has no say in the game.

Your free to disagree but i speak as a native american and inuit person that i Litterally dont give a shit if someone uses cherokee or inuk names as long as their informed and respectful to its origins. And neither should you for any race as names are no exception,

[rockerfemme]

girl i... i dont wanna step over the line, like im just a stranger on the internet and i dont know him, but it doesnt seem like hes actually worried, it seems like he wants you to think that hes worried so he can manipulate you into not doing what he doesnt want you to do. dont go there for your safety, even though you werent in danger. those ppl will have bad influence on you, even though youre an adult and you know for yourself not to do some stupid shit. its not like youre some easily impressionable teenager anymore. it looks like he would try to separate you from your friends too in the long run. this plus the boundary crossing he did earlier that you wrote about... idk he seems toxic as hell girl, my fucking fight or flight activated just reading that. and im sure that hes gonna make you feel like youre blowing things out of proportion and overreacting and hes just worried for your safety, but if it walks, talks and acts like an abusive guy...

i told him almost exactly that: i haven’t done anything wrong right now, you’re just psyching yourself out because you think i might. you don’t trust me to handle myself and refuse any hypothetical drugs i might ever be offered. but then he pulls out the whole “i trust you, but i don’t trust everyone else, what if someone sneakily drugs you, what if someone starts a fight and you get beaten, what if what if what if”

which like that’s the same line of reasoning my parents used to keep me basically on a leash until i was 18, and it’s not fair because ANYTHING theoretically could happen. i can’t promise him that nothing bad will happen to me so there’s no way to defend myself against that argument, and i hate it.

i want to be super fair to him and represent his perspective bc i’m looking for help, not just validation: the boundary crossing stuff? ceased completely after i spoke to him about it. he really is committed to me and working with me to smooth things over about this.

i called him controlling, he emphasized that he completely supports all the other friends i hang out with and his problem isn’t with me going to do stuff on my own, it’s just the punk scene he hates. i understand the weird drunk guys and the people using whippets freaked him out but it’s like he’s written off the whole scene after 30mins of being at one party.

edit: he said one more thing this morning i really have an issue with: if you’ve seen my posts about my intimacy issues, he brought that into it -_____- he said he didn’t understand how i could trust a bunch of drunk strangers enough to go into the cramped little basement and dance with them yet he had spent months earning my trust and i …. don’t want to fuck him very often (?!??!!?) i told him those are two completely different things but somehow he disagreed!!! and thinks i “gave up my trust too easily”!!! he’s making it all about himself. my issues in that regard are 0% related to him or how much i trust him

[midnightmisadventures]

Pt 2 Liam Dream

Here's what I got...

We um, we were in our dream settings as usual. Fancy cruise dinner but not necessarily on a cruise, state college, huge manison, is it christmas? and most importantly.

The biggest up and comer. That park/camping/venue/camp that sometimes day is performing at outdoor festival style or there is a very cheap and country carnival. Looong "road"or driveway going to the park.

Theres also the dream town? And we were at one of those restaurants in one of those plazas if that makes sense.

And we were talking about various things while getting ready to go somewhere together.

There were other relevant guys what we knew or who were interested in me in the dream?? And I started talking about them casually not in a way where im praising them or calling them attractive. But in my head i felt myself talking too much. Like i had a feeling bringing them up would make Liam upset, but it was like I couldnt stop myself or like word vomit.

So then he tensed up or whatever and asked "who's more attrative "insert guy we know" or a famous basketball player" "Compare him to a famous basketball player you think is hot"

and as he was going i was like "no no no, im not doing that" and he was like "cmon, just do it" as if it was all good fun and not something he was upset about. I was like Liam no, im not gonna talk to you about guys and tell you whos hotter thats crazy, why would i do that." And something along the lines of....i love YOU and thats all that matters. But also not that bc i couldnt define our relationship exactly

He kept pushing, and i said i dont even know any basketball players by name except the famous ones. I only know the people my dad talks about anyway. And because he wouldnt let go, i even tried to name ACTIVE basketball players at the top of my head and i was struggling just to prove it to him, but i was hoping he believed me.

We then started talking about going to events, and like upscale things, not the grammys or something so big but potentially an award show. And he made a comment along the lines of "you get a girl who lives/works in new york and she'll start talking about stuff like this" Like oh so fancy, uhuh this checks out since you work at a fancy job in the city now and you do fancy things.

Lmaooo. I was just like what?? But we moved past it.

This comes off like he was being an insecure dick. But he wasnt.... lol. Insecure? okay yea probably but he wasnt being a dick it was very playful vibes but only significant cause i could see through it and tell this things were bothering him a little.

But it never felt like at my expense. He was always just trying to measure himself to feel good enough for what i was experiencing and who i was around.

Then.... time goes on. Its just us we're talking the same. And I tell a story about how one time i didnt pay a parking meter? And didnt get a ticket but i parked illegally. Idk a super harmless RANDOM story.

And after I told it he got quiet. And weird. Emphasis though on not mean. He was sweet and gentle the whole time. But his deameanor changed. And i tried to keep talking but now he was SO down. So I was wondering if I should bring it up, should I wait till we leave and say something in the car....

But i just said "im sorry, is it something I said? What's wrong"

And he looked up from tying his shoes and was like....."uh its just that (lets say "not paying the parking meter?") is really dangerous and I wouldnt want anything to happen to you. One time something happened with me and my dad and it was really bad"

And i felt horrible I was like "oh im so sorry Liam, I would have never brought it up, if I knew you had trauma attached to it" and he quietly was just like "its okay" And i was about to go over to him and hug him or rub his back but I asked "do you wanna talk about it"

And he just shook his head. So i was like...okay, he wasnt mad at me. He was just in a bad mood becaus of whatever bad memory.

But i....to fill the silence i guess kept saying sorry. Even though i didnt need to apologize anymore lol, I didnt know it would trigger him. And i asked him if he wanted to talk about, AND i said i wouldnt park illegally again. (Even though whatever my random story was about wasnt that bad)

My point was i did everything i could so i need to learn not to put it on myself to make him feel better. He's allowed to be sad. People can be in bad moods. Its not my fault!!

Which maybe explains why, then i said "Im sorry if now im talking too much, or saying the wrong thing i-, just sometimes don't know when to stop or if im doing to much"

And he said something in a cheeky way like "yea....you coulda stopped already. You don't have to keep talking"

And in the dream i took offense to that (silently). And got insecure about yapping too much.

But thinking it through now I think he was just saying "its okay you don't have to overcorrect or fix something that you didnt do" (or even that you did). You apologized. And he wasnt upset cause i told a random story about a parking meter. He was upset becuase he was reliving whatever trauma with his dad.

Swipe up for part 3

[angeltiique]

OH MY GOD.

i just realised.

this is my blog.

i can do whatever i want.

so heres a giant fucking ramble with as many thoughts on Shenggou Ye as i can manage (who if you dont know is an oc belonging to my wonderful best friend reese aka rai aka rai.diate and her story universe Liar Liar Chaos Fire 😁 she doesnt know im doing this, this is for me):

if you dont know how did you NOT know shenggou ye accidentally became a biiiiiiit of a hyperfixation for me (exaggerating). reese and i can't exactly pinpoint when it started but we think its around the time we started a zombie apocolypse roleplay with us two and another friend <3

i love him so much i daydream and fantasise about him every moment i get. i see the colour red, or a wild dog or hyena, something to do with kung fu, or any obscure thing that i manage to tie him to and i go absolutely FERAL. hyenas are now my favourite animal because of him. i see a ricecooker and laugh at how he loves rice because his asian ass is so goofy (just like me fr). i love the colours red and teal which are his main colours. my favourite songs are loose cannon by set it off and mama by mcr which are his songs. he is TAKING OVER MY LIFE /POS

i feel bad that i dont get like this with other characters, especially my other friends and even my OWN, but thats just what ended up happening and i cannot seem to control myself lol

i even made up a list of why i kin him do you want to see it well too bad youre seeing it anyway i told you this is a megapost megalist mega fuckfest okay not a fuckfest but you get the idea:

SHENGGOU KIN MOMENTS:

- large hearts, both literally and metaphorically

- imposter syndrome (self-doubt, feeling like a fraud/liar)

- scared of being disowned/losing loved ones

- making jokes during serious moments (struggling to cope so makes light of the situation = ends up brushing it off/ignoring it)

- loving our best friend from high school fr fr /gen /pl and being so excited when we see them <3

- saying fucky ass and baybee (im the reason he says it LMAOOO)

- gayass motherfuckers (both bi)

- WE BOTH HAVE PUSSIES LMAOOOO and we aren't really dysphoric about it hell yeah (im trans and sheng is intersex 💪)

- lying lying chaos crying (i know a lot of them lie but shhhhhh)

- not being good at voice regulation/shutting the fuck up LMAO (apparently its a sign of autism... shenggou ye autism real!!? /j)

- having silly laughs <3 idk my mama makes fun of my laughs and he has a silly laugh it counts sshhhh

- he probably sits on surfaces weirdly or on places you wouldn't normally sit on, and i sit weirdly so YEAH

- sex jokes? yes please (they are funny !!!)

- dramatic as hell but its because we are silly goofy

- annoying as fuck but its slash pos

and thats all i had but theres probably more in fact im doing things because he does them, like saying "L" LMAOO BUT i mean it in an endearing way 🫶

ive also been calling my mother mama a LOT more like thats WHAT ive been calling her exclusively and i know for a fact its because shenggou calls HIS MOTHER mama and the song mama by mcr again. tsk tsk this hyperfixation is legit taking over. but i love it so much.

hes all i want to daydream about. we (friends and i) have a running joke that he is my husband, i love calling him my dearest darling husband shenggou ye. its great. but i like thinking about him with me during the day, maybe doing something stupid or dangerous and laughing at him, him helping me calm tf down when im stressed. its a weird coping mechanism but strangely effective!! i prefer keeping to myself but thinking about him with me makes me feel more seen and heard and loved. and reese is a bit like him, so its also like having my best friend with me even if shes not really. i like to think i can tell shenggou anything because thats how i feel about her. again, its all really stupid and cringe but its really nice and fun

im only now realising this is probably just turning a friends oc into a para. or like. something like a para. i mean the daydreams do get vivid.. Huh!

anyway thats about all i feel like sharing, i dont expect anyone to see this like all my other posts, i just enjoy screaming into the void and seeing if anyone screams back. let it be known, having weird coping mechanisms is cool and youre so.valid. /gen biggest hugest thank you to my bestie reese for creating this goober i am obsessed with. without her art that captures his handsomeness and her writing that demonstrates his personality i would never have fallen so deeply in love with him to the point of delusion.

Now if you'll Excuse me. i am going to dream the Best dreams (shenggou will be in it). thank you and Goodnight ^_^

[raincamp]

me and my fp have each other on life360, mostly for safety reasons, seeing as we live together and are college aged, live downtown in a semi-dangerous city. i feel like it triggers me a lot more than it would if i just, idk, didn't know where tf she was all the time.

its not like i full on stalk her on there but i feel like i check it more than normal people do, as a self soothing type thing. like ill have a thought "im so lonely i miss [fp] sm i wonder if shes on her way home yet", check her location, see shes still at work, wait like five minutes, check again, and again, until she does come home. i feel like thats kinda-weird-but-mostly-harmless.

but it can also look like this; "hm i havent seen [fp] in a couple hours. i wonder where she is. i could text her but i dont want to be a burden on her. what if she's with her boyfriend? i miss her so much. *checks location, sees shes at her bf's apartment*, WOW ok i see how it is, she doesn't care about me at all, im not important to her, she'd rather spend all of her waking hours with him instead of at home with me. fuck her and fuck her boyfriend" like i can recognize this is completely toxic and comes off as kind of controlling (except for the fact that she has no idea and i dont tell her) but like, I can't stop myself when i start having paranoid thoughts i need to confirm them, and when they get confirmed i spiral so fucking hard.

im thinking about deleting it but then she'd notice and id have to explain this to her 💀 and also it helps when i am having paranoid thoughts like that and it turns out shes just in class or something and i have that solid evidence to stop myself from having an episode. at this point I've checked it so much i know her whole schedule. and i freak out if she deviates from it. not like, to her face, im not really one to confront people about my issues when im emotional, but it causes me to feel like the world is ending. i feel like a fucking horrible disgusting creep for this, my abandonment-avoiding ass needs to calm the fuck down

idk. just rambling. bpd shit.

[chaoticgremlinbrainspace]

idk if theres something wrong with me but I feel the deep seated urge to just study the bat family and their weird ass family dynamics/relationships with eachother and like make a huge chart with notes then work my way out from there to their friends and then their friends friends until I know the entire web of complex interlocking relationships and how different people interact with each other and their histories with each other and shit. like I want to dissect the dc charaters and I know the only reason my ass is here in the first place is bc I hyperfixated on nightwing then got invested (sobbing shittung dying nightwing is my lil dude I put into a hydraulic press so unfortunately he would take up so much brain realistate💀) I wanna write silly goofy lil stories featuring him but I also want to do other characters justice and have full context of events and stuff I will throw up if im ooc and or just fucking wrong about something. like theyre so funky I wanna do right by their charaters but ive also gripped dick by the throat and started projecting onto his guilt ridden ass.(eldest child moment yippeee disappointmenting my parents makes me explode :( also hes funky like that lol) but like genuinely want to be able to take existing relationships and just like idk go into it? like explore them I guess and how they interact, what makes a character tick and all that. theres just something about charaters that are so fun to pull apart and find who they are at their core, what makes them this charater, you know? and I feel like part of discovering that is understanding the connections and history of a character in relation to the setting and other charaters, how they react, how they think and feel when put into situations, shit like that I could rotate in my head for hours. im also an emo lil shit and my brain tends to fixate on the darker events and happenings, which can be a hindrance at times 💀. and like im also just one lil dude my Interpretation of those relationships and charaters could be comepletely different form someone else's due to my experiences or lack of experiences with certain stuff. and like I wanna do it justice I dont wanna should dumb or completely miss the point because that would suck ass, Especially if I ever did post it online it would be like being dragged through the city tied to a Honda civic or smth. or at least thats probably how it would feel lol. damn fear of failure and ridicule we meet again you assholes....anyway, I wanna write silly goofy lil stories for my own enjoyment but I want them to be good and accurate to the characters, maybe add small little head canons as a treat but. Domestic type shit or me projecting onto dick my fucking adhd and making him explode too lmao.(im very insane about that head canon ive thought about it a lot, shout out to middle school me for doing all that research instead of sleeping or doing homework your a real one lol). that and using dick as a vehicle to explore my own queerness in a sense because like, its fun, and probably less dangerous than walking around downtown by myself. like I really enjoy giving dick a funky gender that he cant quite label or name that just is, and it doesn't matter because he’s just rocking around kicking ass, he just happens to not be cishet in my heart and mind. that and I wanna draw him in fun outfits, my friends agree he dress like a lesbian(lesbian approved statement). and like yeah I just think its neat to heasdcanon him as queer, Especially the funky genders because hes just doing his own thing bhfdjknvl. this turned into me rambling about making dick gender queer in some fashion not to say that cis dudes cant wear traditionally seen as feminine clothing or anything ya’ll because fuck the notion of gendered clothing, I just mean like imagine like very loud outfits, patterns colors weird shapes and sizes. that and cursed thrift store shirts that say some shit like “oat sealed frog jar” with a picture of Freddy Mercury sitting on a bench wrong. with the like insane fonts. I guess I wanna throw dick in fits that you typically would associate with the chill queer alt people who have cool drip. idk man. anyway sorry to y’all reading this it kinda got outta hand there. 

[gjkennedy]

.

[pepprs]

im sure it’s been talked abt before and maybe ive talked abt it. but it’s just like. weird and sad to me that..... i am loved! there are people who love me! and even still i like... corrupt that and sabotage it and warp the world. warp the world of love i have all around me and inside me and whatever. it’s not fair to the people who love me for me to do that and i just. feel bad. which is self destructive in the other direction like i shouldn’t kick myself but it just..... sigh

[a-dragons-journal]

i dont "kin for fun" but through tiktok i found out about the whole kin for fun vs actual otherkin... situation ig? im having a really hard time taking it seriously... maybe im just burnt out and bitter from dealing with the worlds current events, and maybe its because on tiktok the only people i saw mad about it were white people, but you're the most reasonable person ive seen talking about it (a lot of other posts have this odd tone that 12 year olds on tiktok saying kin is the worlds greatest opression and it weirds me out) so ig my question is just... why exactly does this matter? why does it matter enough to post about and care about and not just ignore? /gen

Hey! I don’t blame you for being a bit weirded out by it, we’re a weird subculture and we’re well aware of it! xD I appreciate you taking the time to actually look into it past your first knee-jerk reaction, especially considering burnout and the state of things.

I’m not totally sure if you’re asking why otherkinity matters or why the “kin for fun” being wrong matters, so I’ll answer both - they’re pretty well tied together anyway.

The short version:

Otherkinity is an identity. It’s who we are, we can’t choose to pick it up or put it down, and it comes with struggles - though no, ‘kin are not systematically oppressed (though we are pretty badly bullied and, at this point, pushed out of our own words and spaces).

What people calling roleplay/relating to/projecting onto characters “kinning for fun” does is steal our words, make them meaningless, and in doing so, make it difficult or impossible for us to find each other. If someone says “I kin [x],” I no longer know whether they mean “I am [x] on an intrinsic level” or “haha I relate to this character a lot”. I no longer know whether they actually share my experiences or if they’re going to turn on me and call me “crazy” as soon as they realize I’m not exaggerating or joking or roleplaying. It’s done massive harm to the community as a whole because it’s become difficult to tell whether someone is actually ‘kin or if they’ve misunderstood the whole thing - and because antikin rhetoric, which I’m seeing more and more in KFF spaces, hurts far more when it’s coming from inside what you thought was a community space than when it’s coming from self-labeled “antikin.”

There are other words for roleplaying and relating to and projecting onto characters. Hell, there are words for strongly identifying with-but-not-as characters/things, though usually KFF people don’t even seem serious enough for those to fit in my experience. I’m really not sure why these people are so determined to steal and misuse our words, words that were specifically created to mean something else, when they already have their own and are just refusing to use them. (Or, hell, if you don’t feel like those fit, make your own. We did. It’s your turn to put in the work. (General you, not you-the-anon, of course.))

An analogy, if that still doesn’t quite land for you:

Consider, for a moment, the transgender community. I am aware this is a dangerous thing to say, but bear with me. Obvious CW for hypothetical transphobia up ahead is obvious.

Consider if you were part of the trans community (I don’t know if you are or not), having finally found a word to explain why you feel the way you do about yourself, why your experiences don’t seem to match up with those of everyone else around you. Having found a community, a home, full of other people like you, people you never would have met if not for words like “transgender” and “gender dysphoria/euphoria” that were created specifically to describe your experiences.

Now consider if people suddenly stumbled across your community for the first time who were not trans themselves. They see community jokes and lighthearted posts out of context, because Tumblr and Twitter aren’t exactly conducive to making sure people find the Transgender 101 information posts first. They don’t bother to do further research, assuming they understand: ah, these people like to crossdress! They like to pretend they’re a different gender! This seems like a fun hobby, I want in!

They begin to post things like this. They post photos of them crossdressing and caption them “hi, I’m [name], and I trans men!” and things of the like. Suddenly the concept of “transing for fun” seems to be everywhere - and it’s not at all what being trans actually is, but these people either don’t know or don’t care. When actual trans people try to politely correct them, they’re accused of “gatekeeping” - and to be clear, this is not “nonbinary people aren’t real,” it’s “transgender means you identify as a gender other than the one you were assigned at birth, and you’re self-identifying as the gender you were assigned at birth 100% and telling us this is just a fun hobby for you, therefore you’re not trans, you’re crossdressing or doing drag or being GNC. That’s fine, but it’s not being trans - you have other words to describe that, use those.”

(Yes, I am aware these things have a history with the trans community - please just ignore that for the sake of the analogy and bear with me on the slightly simplified version of this. “Kinning for fun” does not have that same history with the otherkin community.)

...And then the response to those attempted corrections, in some corners, turns into “wait, you ACTUALLY think you’re another gender? idk that sounds pretty unhealthy, maybe you should see a psychologist or something :\” and “you’re taking this too seriously.”

I imagine, in this hypothetical scenario, you’d also be pretty fuckin peeved.

(Obviously, in this hypothetical scenario, systematic transphobia would be an issue as well, which isn’t the case for otherkin - again, you’re gonna have to bear with me on the simplification for sake of analogy there.)

(EDIT: this is not an anti-MOGAI/exclusionist argument, this is “you’re literally telling me you don’t fit the definition,” explanation on that here)

The long version, which is probably still worth reading if you have the time and energy:

Otherkinity is... pretty core to who I am, who we as a group of individuals are. We live with being otherkin on a daily basis. Many of us spent a long time feeling different and disconnected and not understanding why until we found the otherkin community. Even people like me, who don’t share that experience and still had social connection - I’ve still had to live with weird differences that I had to learn to mask when necessary; instincts that don’t line up with human society well, feeling body parts that weren’t there and that no one else ever seemed to have, things that other kids grew out of because it was just make-believe for them and I... didn’t, because it was never make-believe for me to begin with. Oh, sure, I played make-believe too - I played warrior cats and house and all those things with the other kids, but there were things that weren’t play-pretend for me too. I didn’t have an explanation for it for a long time - it was just how I was, I was weird, and fortunately for me personally I was okay with that (many of those with species dysphoria or more trouble connecting with humans have more problems from that than I did).

And then I found the word “otherkin.” And suddenly everything fell into place, and I had an explanation for the things I’d been experiencing, and there were other people like me. Something I’d assumed didn’t exist. I found others who shared my unique experiences, who were talking about how to cope with the instinct to growl or snap jaws at people instead of expressing annoyance in a human way instead of just saying “that’s weird, don’t do that”, who were talking about dealing with phantom wings and tails, who understood me. I wasn’t weird, I wasn’t broken, I was exactly what one would expect from a dragon living in human skin. I found an explanation for myself. I found a home.

That is why otherkinity matters - it is who we are, it’s not something we can walk away from (certainly not most of us, anyway), and it’s something many of us need the support of the community to help deal with on a daily basis. Being a nonhuman in human society isn’t always easy, but it’s not something we can just magically stop being - it’s core to who we are, we (generally) didn’t choose to be this way, and we (generally) can’t choose to stop. Which is fine - the vast majority of us can cope with it just fine, with a little advice and help and space to be our authentic selves in. We found each other, we built this community from the ground up to make a space and words to make finding each other easier - or possible at all.

Thus we come to the second half of our story.

It was only a couple of years ago that the “kin for fun” trend started getting big. It had existed before that, of course, but it only started going mainstream two, maybe three years ago, from what I can tell. Suddenly people were treating “kin” like it meant relating to, projecting onto, roleplaying as, or just really really liking a character or thing - not being that thing, which is what it actually means. Not long after that, it became hard to tell whether someone saying “I kin this” meant they were that thing, that they were actually part of our community - or that they really really liked that thing and either didn’t know or couldn’t be bothered to learn that that wasn’t the case for us.

Not long after that, it became relatively commonplace to hear phrases like “otherkin are ruining kinning!!” and “you’re taking this too seriously” and “idk, if it’s that serious for you that sounds unhealthy. maybe you should get some help :\” (all directly quoted, or as exactly quoted as I can remember, from things KFF people have said to me or people I know).

It is a special kind of hell, I think, to be told “you’re taking this too seriously, that’s unhealthy” by people who are taking words created to describe your experiences, not theirs, and misusing them to mean something that you do for fun on a weekend instead of something that’s intrinsic to your being.

Perhaps more importantly, like I’ve said, it’s making it almost impossible to know whether someone who says “I kin [x]” is actually ‘kin or if they’re misusing our words to mean something else entirely. The entire point of words is to communicate ideas, and once you start misusing words to mean something totally different than what they actually mean, that communication falls apart and suddenly we might as well not have those words at all. Especially when the community is small enough and obscure enough that we’re starting to be outnumbered by the misinformation. We’re being run out of our own words, words we created to describe our experiences specifically - because we’re a small community that the wider internet can easily drown out by sheer numbers of people who either don’t know any better or don’t care to learn.

That’s the harm it does - the harm it is doing, right now. That’s why it’s important enough to post about. That’s why it matters - because we’re fighting desperately to hang onto our own words so that others like us can actually find us. Because we’re seeing young nonhumans go “this isn’t a kin, I actually am this” and screaming “No, I’m so sorry that this is what the misinformation has done to you, that’s exactly what otherkin means, you have a place here, please don’t let these non-’kin misusing our words drive you away from the very community you’re looking for and that you belong in.” Because we can’t even communicate effectively about our own experiences anymore except in semi-closed spaces like Discord servers and forums (and the number of Discord servers overrun with KFF people is absurd).

......This got very long. Hopefully it at least explained why it matters so much to me and others a bit better ^^; Thanks for hearing me out, and thank you again for looking into this beyond your initial knee-jerk reaction - I really do appreciate it.

(For further reading, if that text wall didn’t blow you out of the water completely, I recommend my “kin for fun” tag, which has more posts like this in both short and long form.)

[whomst-art-thou-whomst-whomst]

Texts from the Lost Tomb, part 5.4

I swear folks once I get this and the last part up I’m gonna condense it all

But yeah couldn’t resist some <3

Zhang and Wu Chat

Wu Xie: Um. I’m all done with the shower if you want a turn.

Zhang Qiling: I’m alright without one.

Wu Xie: sooo are you pissed at me still?

Zhang Qiling: ? I have not been angry with you since the ladder incident.

Wu Xie: you’ve barely said anything since the necklace thingy

Zhang Qiling: I believe it is a long-running joke amongst my friend group that I do not, in fact, say much.

Wu Xie: okay but there are multiple gouges in the tea house walls that would suggest you had somewhat strong feelings today

and I kinda caused the events that sparked said feelings

so just checking in you know

Zhang Qiling: I was not angry so much as I was afraid. More afraid than I’ve been in a long time.

Wu Xie: ??? But it has worked out fine??? Everyone made it out alive and Uncle Erbai gets to feel morally superior to the Zhang family for a while so today was a win overall

Zhang Qiling: I heard you scream. I didn’t know what had happened. I couldn’t get to you right away. Therefore, I was afraid.

Wu Xie: ohhhhh. oh, Xiao Ge. It’s alright now—hey the necklace was actually helping u look out for me:) It’s not like those ppl were actually trying to hurt me, really. Your family isn’t so bad, at least you don’t have any uncles you know of

today was just some big misunderstandings wrapped in some poor life choices. Tbh my memoir title

I feel kind of stupid for screaming but when a glowing necklace wraps itself around your neck it’s a little uhoh moment lol

I did like the design tho def my aesthetic.

Zhang Qiling: I am pleased that it was able to protect you when I was not.

Wu Xie: Uh no you are not allowed to get all emo abt this it’s only like 3pm

damn time flies when it’s flashing before your eyes lol

Are you on the roof? You’re def on the roof. I thought I heard the tiles moving over my head. Come down or I’m coming up.

Zhang Qiling: I will be down in a moment. Do not come outside, it’s cold and raining.

Wu Xie: you know, Zhang Rishan said he thinks the necklace might be linked to you, somehow

something from long ago, even though you wouldn’t remember it.

It’s lucky that it liked me, huh:)

Zhang Qiling: Yes. Quite lucky.

Babysitters Club Chat

Wang Pangzi: AWW LOOK AT HIM NAPPING ON YOUR SHOULDER SO CUTE. BEBES HAD A BIG DAY. YOU TWO ARE PRECIOUS. BE GOOD AND POSE FOR THE PICTURE NOW.

Zhang Qiling: No. Also, I am considering what steps I should take with Zhang Rishan. Regardless of his concern for the Zhang family line, his actions were unacceptable.

Wang Pangzi: HES DROOLING A LITTLE ON YOU WHICH IS LESS CUTE BUT I CAN CROP THAT PART

LOOK I KNOW YOURE STILL PISSED. IM NOT EXACTLY CALM MYSELF, I JUST HAVE WAYS TO SKIRT AROUND TIANZHENS BULLSHIT FILTER THAT YOU LACK

GET ON MY LEVEL

WU ERBAI WILL HANDLE IT, THINGS HAVE SETTLED I THINK

BUT ABOUT THAT NECKLACE

SO INTERESTING HMMM

Zhang Qiling: I am the patriarch of my family. The necklace behaved as I would, apparently, to protect a vulnerable family member. Wu Xie’s bad cold last week activated it, and it responded to a perceived danger to him today. Simple enough.

Wang Pangzi: UH HUH

A FAMILY MEMBER

THE NECKLACE REALLY SAID LOVE WINS

TOLKIEN COULD NEVER

Zhang Qiling: It protected him on a technicality. But I will not allow him to bear the burdens of my family ever again. It has taken so much from him already.

Wang Pangzi: YEAH SURE BLAH BLAH DESTINY BLAH BLAH ANGST

“A TECHNICALITY” WOW WHO SAID ROMANCE WAS DEAD

ANYHOO IM SCREENSHOTTING THIS FOR UR WEDDING RECEPTION SLIDESHOW

YA KNOW DURING MY SPEECH

Friends of Wu Xie Support Group Chat

Hei Yangjing: you’re welcome for everything today<3 I accept PayPal, although of course it is always my honor to assist my friends:)

Wang Pangzi: WE ARENT PAYING YOU SHIT

Zhang Qiling: You did absolutely nothing.

Hei Yangjing: whoa whoa maybe I wasn’t threatening family members or busting up load-bearing walls like some undying divas I could name but I totes helped

or at least I was there for moral support maybe?

Zhang Qiling: The only reason I knew you were there at all was that as I lowered my blade from Zhang Rishan’s neck, I heard the camera click and saw you were taking a selfie making a peace sign, angled to have the two of us in the background.

Xie Yuchen: I saw it on social media just now. The caption is “#greatdaycatchingupwiththelads #blessed”

Wang Pangzi: TBH KIND OF JEALOUS I DIDNT THINK TO DO THAT

Hei Hangjing: okay yeah you see Xiao Ge that is a modern kind of help I should’ve known you wouldn’t be aware

It’s called performance, you wouldn’t understand

it’s a ‘Gram thing

Also it means I’m a great person

Bc letting you handle the situation was my gift to you

Zhang Qiling: Wu Xie mentioned there is something called “blocking ppl” that gets them out of my phone.

Hei Yangjing: nah

Can’t trust that Wu Xie, bae can’t tell a coffin from an urn amirite

it’s not a thing, blocking

Xie Yuchen: It is a thing. I’ll show you later, Zhang Qiling.

Wang Pangzi: YOU BOYS GO GET CLEANED UP AND COME BY AROUND 9 I SNAGGED SOME OF ZHANG RISHANS BOOZE ON THE WAY OUT

Bonnie and Clyde Chat

Hei Yangjing: you looked pretty comfortable in those handcuffs earlier ;););)

Xie Yuchen: Go to sleep, idiot.

Hei Yangjing: You’d have to do something to tire me out ;););)

Xie Yuchen: Are you like this around Wu Xie? Not that I care, I’m just asking.

Hei Yangjing: uh that’s a big nope

First off all Idk when I’ll die but Id prefer it to be on my terms and not at the hands of those other two

Secondly there is a part of me that remembers how adorable he was when he was younger and that makes it weird

(No offense but u were not adorable. He was bebe luke skywalker, you were bebe princess leia I am obvs Han Solo 4lyfe)

Also I’m a little scared that if i flirted with him and he flirted back he’d be better at it.

Xie Yuchen: All valid concerns.

Hei Yangjing: as cute as he is I don’t really wanna tap that.

Xie Yuchen: I see.

Hei Yangjing: do you tho

Main Chat

Wu Xie: okay folks who wants cocoa to top the evening off? I picked some up today:D

Wang Pangzi: UH YOU SPENT YOUR DAY BEING KIDNAPPED AND PLACATING A SENTIENT NECKLACE WHEN DID YOU HAVE TIME TO GET GROCERIES

FRANKLY THATS INTIMIDATING

Wu Xie: the tea house gift shop:)

Wang Pangzi: …YOU BOUGHT COCOA FROM YOUR KIDNAPPERS. FROM THEIR GIFT SHOP. DURING YOUR KIDNAPPING.

WU XIE

WU XIE WHY

Wu Xie: I mean we were there the whole day, it felt impolite not to buy anything.

Wang Pangzi: OH RIGHT GREAT POINT ID HATE TO BE RUDE TO THEM AFTER THEY WENT TO THE TROUBLE OF ABDUCTING US

LISTEN WHEN PPL STEAL YOU IT BECOMES FREE REIGN ON THEIR SHIT

UGH YOU PROBABLY GOT A RECEIPT AND EVERYTHING

WAS UR LITTLE SHOPPING TRIP BEFORE OR AFTER THEY STUCK U IN A DUNGEON TO EXPERIMENT ON YOU

WAIT NVM I DONT WANT TO KNOW THE ANSWER TO THAT

Wu Xie: look, let’s focus on the positives/ we are all okay, and we learned something new, that necklace is still active! It’s really quite nice-looking when it isn’t moving of its own volition.

Wang Pangzi: YOU AND YOUR RELENTLESS DUCKING OPTIMISM

ZHANG QILING ARE YOU SEEING THIS

Zhang Qiling: I would love some cocoa. I’ll come to the kitchen.

Wu Xie: I have special marshmallows for you!!

Wang Pangzi: I SEE

WE ARE SUBSCRIBING TO THE PRESTIGIOUS “FUCK IT WHY NOT” SCHOOL OF THOT TONIGHT

LOL SURE LETS GO COCOA IT UP

IVE GOT SOMETHING STRONG TO POP IN IT

Wu Xie: Still thinking about that design… I’d love another chance to examine that necklace under less Zhangy circumstances.

Kinda sad we couldn’t borrow it to use for illnesses and dangerous missions :/

ah well it’s for the best, a family heirloom should be treasured, preserved and protected<3

Zhang Qiling: I put it on your dresser.

Wu Xie: ???????

Wang Pangzi: AND THATS WHY YOU AND I ARE FRIENDS, XIAOGE <3

Wu Xie: I—

Zhang Qiling: Are those bunny-shaped marshmallows for me?

[all-the-heart-you-cannot-see]

Just me, reviewing yet another teen drama, Fate: the winx saga edition.

The highlights of the season for me were Musa and Riven, Flora finally making an appearence and the friendship between Stella a Beatrix.

Now onto the plot, i think it was a solid idea, it carried on from season one with the Aster Dell thing and i can kinda see the point of Sebastian, he's just too much of a caricature evil to inspire anything else. I did thought it was weird at the end the rest of the blood witches just....left, like, what the fuck lol, felt like a lazy way to tie up loose ends, like yeah their leader is gone but surely those people still want their loved oned back. Also i have beef with however is tasked with designing their transformations, theres no outfit change, the wings look werid once the montage is over and i hate that its probably because they want to give it "realism" ITS A SHOW ABOUT MAGICAL FARIES RICHARD, GIVE THEM SPARKLY OUTFITS.

Into the characters!

Bloom is not my favorite, she's okay, not bad for a main character, just a bit repetitive. It did bother me at the end when she told sky he was the most important person in her life when i think through out the season she had more meaningul scenes with her friends than with him. And their relationship is kind of not it, they have awful comunkcation and when she confromts him about it he says he doesnt tell her about his problems because she is the answer which, ok cute honey but you need comunication for a relationship to work. Idk, they are very vanilla but, they could be written better.

Sky's struggles made for an interesting arc this season, he went through some pretty fucked up shit and it sucks that the season ended for him with his girlfriend basically unaliving herself as far as he is concerned. One thing i like about this show is that no character has as a motivation only his love interest which is why i appreciate they gave Sky something to do this season besides Bloom. Im interested to see how he handles his loss next season.

I cannot stress enough how much i liked Musa this season, i love how they handle her relationship with her powers and she and Riven finally interacting made my freaking week. I hope they let her keep training to be an Specialist next season and i hope somebody gets the idea of giving a combat magic class, its kind of ridiculous a room full of fairies with different types of magic couldnt come up with a plan to try an scape and instead waited patiently to be rescued while being drained one by one.

Riven, Riven, Riven. His fallout with Beatrix and Dane was kind of inevitable, i do love myself some badass female grey character but relationships without affective responsability are doomed from the begining, it was definitely something while it lasted. I like the little moments when you realize he isnt a complete asshole, like when he brought each girl a drink that suited their taste or when he explained to Musa that it wasnt that he didnt want to train her because she was a woman, but because they were on the brink of war and it was dangerous for her. He cares, and i care about him, i just want him a Musa to be a happy couple.

Terra's personality annoys me so much lol, i know a girl just like her in really life and it annoys the shit out of me when i know something is right and she comes acting like she knows best and everybody elses work is mediocre, this is unrelated to the writing of her character really, is just an unfortunate coincidence. Her coming out arc was nice and her scenes with the specialist were kind of sweet but i dont think they have chemestry with each other. There's not much more to say about her, she isnt my favorite character and i doubt she'll grow on me but thats nobody's fault.

AISHAAAAAA, i like her a lot, i think they could've given her more scenes with Grey. Like at the end she tells him he lied to her for months and....i dont think we even got a scene of them just...hanging out besides the one where they kissed, i would've loved to see more of their relationship on screen and i would like for them to explore what he told her the day they left the pub about her not having to carry the weight of her friends, she is the smartest but she should allow herself to be a teen (this goes for every one of those poor girls, if Sebastian had any good point, it was the fact that they should be enjoying their lives as teenagers).

Stella, i know we all miss the og cartoon Stella, but if they were going to change her character i dont think this is that bad of a change. I mean the image of her back covered in blood because she was trying to get rid of the gem was heartbreaking and she has had good progress with letting people in and forming genuine bonds with the girls, i enjoyed her friendship with Beatrix, hope they bring her back.

Flora is a 10/10 would recomend, badass bitch all the way, i dont think the show gave her all the praise that she needed, she literally took on dozens of magic sucking thingies to save everybody without a second thought, Bloom was ready to risk it all for 17 y/o boy next door but Flora was out here bringing the brains AND the muscle, they need to thank her appropietly. I also like that she is between nerdy and an extrovert, i feel like we only get those types of characters as a popular girl is secretly smart, Flora is just smart and outgoing and confident and its refreshing.

I support womens rights, but most importantly, i support Beatrix's wrongs. She was raised by Rosalind and Andreas and their dubious morals, she lost her father, her emotional suport boytoys and got pushed aside by the woman she thought would helo her discover more things about herself, i cant imagine feeling that alone and i 100% understand her actions. Hope they bring her back next season.

Thats all, ill watch next season, its a shame we were depruved of sparkly fairy outfits, but i doubt that'll change.

[neoraso]

royal guard!minho

requested | some gender neutral hc for how he starts to wish he was maybe more than just a guard to you 

to put things lightly, minho was the ace of your entire guard

like he was better than anyone …at everything

so originally he was on (your father) the king’s immediate guard

he was nothing but professional and saved the king too many times to count even from like stepping on rocks idk 

when you turned like 17 and had to do more public appearances obv u were in a lot more danger so ur father jumped at having minho reassigned to u as the head of your personal guard “nothing but the best for his child”

the first time you met him… he only nodded or said yes or no to everything u asked him n ur jus like ok not much of a talker that’s not so bad ig haha ʕʘ‿ʘʔ

he was so quiet and “polite” for months despite you constantly trying to get something out of him

ur other guards always tried not to laugh bc if only u knew he had like two friends and was generally a pretty serious guy

but one day there was a festival in your kingdom’s central city so obv you had to make an appearance which u were very excited abt bc you only get to go into town like twice a year and THIS was one of those times

being “of age” and that much closer to taking the throne you might as well have painted a big red target on your head to signal people against the throne

everything was going fine, everyone was having fun and you decided to visit some of the booths and musicians around the square

minho was already suspicious of the situation and tightens the rest of your guard without u evenn rlly noticing but like

just as you turned to show these cute little candies to minho to maybe get a reaction for once -

the second he looks at you, someone moves to grab you but the flash of a knife in his other hand causes minho to jump immediately into action

honestly who knows what rlly happened minho moved so damn fast but the next thing you know, ur in the middle of your whole guard squad

looking through the gaps of their shoulders you see minho pinning down your assailant with a blade against his neck waiting for someone to arrest him even though he rlly wanted to just execute the guy right there 

the festivities were kind of killed for u after that bc you and your family were rushed back home which u might’ve been more sad abt if u werent in so much shock :<

obv minho was the one to escort you back but like all he said was “you’re okay?” and after u dumbly nodded with wide eyes he walked with you but kept a hand around your shoulder

no one really talked after that which wasn’t unusual for him but in his mind he was rlly like 

“?? ok i know its literally my job to protect this family but?? hm whyyyy do i seem to care sm more rnnn??//?” help him sdhskjd

u just looked so shaken up and disappointed and suddenly he was like damn </3 they rlly have no fun in their life and this one time they could was ruined :///

u had to stay inside for weeks after that bc it turns out there was a whole conspiracy to “eliminate” your family line so you waited in safety until the criminals were “taken care of” 

minho had everything triple checked around the castle for your safety and secretly made sure you had extra treats and warm drinks sent to your room sometimes with little notes that he had the cook pretend to have sent because lately he’d heard you had trouble sleeping sometimes he’s shy boy aw

he started to realize how much he had gotten used to your smile and your little jokes and the way you sometimes tripped on the corners of rugs. and he thought maybe it was a good thing you guys didnt have many interactions lately because he was way too attached

you on the other hand, couldnt even rlly complain about having to stay inside so much bc you had everything you needed and- you knew it was for ur safety but- it wassss kind of suffocating at times

u tried sneaking out at first ((just to the garden!!)) which obviously was a bad idea bc it’s impossible to get past minhos fcking hawk eyes lmao

he STILL didnt say anything like he would just follow right behind you

n like u kinda huffed but whatever honestly at least it was just him and not 15 other guards like everyone acted like you needed

plus it was somewhat comforting to have someone so solid around even if he never talked smh

one night you sat near the little pond and tried to calm your mind by watching how the moonlight rippled in the water

you can feel him behind you so u just turn around and look at him ignoring how he was already looking at you

 “would you at least sit with me?”

he kind of hesitates bc …what if someone tried to come up behind you? but with the sad look on your face he cant help but give in and sits on the stone bench at the opposite end of you

it becomes actually somewhat peaceful until you just decide to ask everything you’ve been wondering n u just blurt out-

“would it kill you to talk with me once in a while? i mean, talk like a normal person and not a machine? i dont bite i promise..”

he furrows his brow bc he’s shocked you cared at all and also he doesnt rlly know how to respond without being like “its not really in my job description to make conversation” but he honestly just thought you were being talkative out of niceties.

 before he could even form a sentence you continued,

“i mean- i’m always trying to get your attention. i dont get to meet many people for obvious reasons but my guards are the closest people to me-literally, and i dont want there to be a big gap between us just because of my status..”

he cuts you off before you ramble yourself to death 

“i didn’t know you were this troubled by it… i just take my job very seriously and i dont want to risk anyone’s safety for the sake of conversation”

u almost roll ur eyes but not wanting to be rude ur just like “even at home? i know you’re serious about your duties, believe me, i just… i get lonely.”

smthing inside him literally breakkkssss when you say that like u are such a pure and sweet person that deserves to have all the love and friends and fun in the world so he just gets quiet for a second and looks down

“im sorry.” he said it so softly you almost didnt hear him “i’ll be there for you more- if thats what you need. im essentially in charge of your safety and care and i’ll do anything to fulfill that responsibility.”

ok.

well this was good right? so why did you still feel unsatisfied?

“i dont want to just be a responsibility, cant we just be like friends? or…”

you cut yourself off before talking too much again

you had to admit to yourself you had developed a bit of a liking for minho, not just because he was probably the most handsome person in your kingdom, not even just because he saved your life, but he had really been a pillar of security in your life and you respected his loyalty and ambition.

he was more than admirable and everything you wanted as a standard for your kingdom

sometimes you let your mind wander to him getting on one knee and leading alongside you..

no, now youre getting sidetracked and delusional and he can practically hear the gears turning in your head so he stands up and reaches his hand out for you to grab 

“of course you’re more than a responsibility to me, come on, lets go inside it’s getting cold.’

taking his hand and realizing the conversation was over, you moved to link arms instead  as he walked you all the way to your bedroom door 

u slept a lot better that night 

from that point on you could not get rid of minho 

like everyone was borderline uncomfortable with how jarring his change in attitude was 

like he was constantly behind you looking right over your shoulder or grabbing your arm to stop you from bumping into things

even when he wasnt technically on duty he had taken it upon himself to give you little lessons in archery and even some defensive moves to help you protect yourself in case someone wasnt fast enough to help you 

your tried not to get flustered every time he adjusted your form and the way you could feel his breath behind your ear

or the head pats when he walked you to your room at night

or his hand on your back when you guys would take walks in the garden

honestly it did not take long until one night you were sat next to your pond and after some comfortable small talk you noticed how close his face was to yours

but he noticed you didn’t pull away even as he leaned in closer and finally just kissed you

when he pulled away and saw your eyes still closed and how soft you looked his heart almost exploded

“i didnt mean to make things weird i just,, couldnt help myself, sorry”

his rushed confession pulls you out of your daze and you’re so happy (a little shocked) but you’re quick to reassure him

“it’s ok, i’ve been wanting you to do that for a while …”

he’s jus like “rlly?😳”

obviously this complicates things a lot and you aren’t really sure if you would even be allowed to have a relationship with minho bc of ur position

or if he would get in trouble for breaking the rules of attachment to u

all of this is kind of racing thru both of ur minds as you look at each other but you laugh after u both start talking at the same time

you prod him to go first so he grabs your hands and says like

“look i care about you a lot, and i know we’re not really supposed to be doing this but if i can be by your side … beyond my duties…i would really love to. but if we can’t, i can survive with just being here to protect and serve you in anyway i can”

he’s so honest and genuine and earnest it shocked u a little

even tho you were uncertain abt the situation as well you knew you had grown a little too fond and dependent on minho that you would do anything to make it work

luckily an arranged marriage was not required for you so that wasnt really the issue, but falling in love with someone not at all royal..? it was a daunting thought how the idea would be perceived 

you wouldnt have said anything if you both weren’t completely sure of your feelings;  but you really could not imagine being content or safe spending your life with anyone else so you mustered up the courage to ask the king and queen…

when you brought it up to your parents they looked pretty concerned

minho went on the whole “i’ll do anything to protect them and this kingdom” speech and your father just waved him off and was like

“i know u would …. i’ll allow it because there’s really no one better to represent the kingdom and because i want only the best for my child ;)”

u and minho were literally in shock but just quietly said thank u and left the room

when you had privacy he immediately pulled you in for a kiss (maybe several all over ur face)

you had a lot to figure out and many responsibilities but now you had an amazing person by your side to help you through it :.) <3