shipping this canon ship that
cant people be friends? cant people have a bond that transcends romance and is so complex and meaningful that it cannot be labeled as family nor friend, it is not romantic but something more?? cant two people exist just to be friends and support the other why does it all have to boil down to sex and romance
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The way this Cody Ko situation is hitting me.. I’m gonna have so much to talk about in therapy tonight like. I’m fucking haunted by that “we good?” Text he sent to Tana cause like- the longer you live with SA trauma the more patterns your start to notice that are routine for abusers. I remember getting my own little “we good” text from the asshole that SA’d and then SH’d me for months after. Like it is textbook. They do the same shit time and time again. It’s just- it’s hard and I should tune out from it but my mind comes back to Noel too. And I hope this isn’t hitting him as hard as other victims of SA that were/are TMG fans. Like this blows but it blows differently when you’ve gone through it. I hope Tana is okay.
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What you believe for.
Bonus alt:
Venting painting, cuz it's been a while since I did one (and I need it)
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i miss the days when 12-15 meant tween and being able to still be a kid just a little older
not just "oh its still 2-4 years till i can get a job" or "basically a mini adult"
fuck it all, im gonna be a weirdo 2007 emo kid just like my predecessors here on tumblr would have wanted.
im gonna listen to cds and watch dvds and wear ridiculous clothes that make me feel good
wear too much eyeliner
listen to too much sad music
watch too many music videos
make cringy sparkledog fursonas
i want the childhood i deserve and godamnit im gonna have it if i have to fight tooth and nail
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i'm so fucking serious why is this life a thing. why do jobs and taxes exist. why do i have to stay in school up to 7 hours a day surrounded by people i either hate or wonder if i'm enough for just to learn nothing and get bad grades when i try. why is my life already pre-conceived for me and i have to go to school > graduate > go to college > graduate > get a job > get a husband > start a family > have to be happy with that family that i don't even want > keep working my low-paying job that i couldn't hate more > die meaninglessly
why can't i just not go to school and not work. why can't i just appreciate that i'm alive without having to work work work work work and hate all of it. why do i have to meet so many expectations to be considered 'successful' motherfucker i'm not going to marry i'm not going to have kids i'm probably not going to have a 9-5 job because i hate the idea of allllllll of those
like all of this is made-up. do you get it? it's all made-up. WE made it up. we designed schools and jobs and the economy and whatever the fuck. and i'm literally not even 18 and worrying about graduating and having to choose a major for college and worrying about getting a job and worrying about buying a house or even just a car in this economy and in this society and in this life
why, of all universes, of all possibilities, of all lives, was i born into the one where i have to work to prove that i deserve to live?
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I want for someone kind irl to just fall in love with me. Like look at me differently. Like see me at first sight or just talk to me and be enamored. In love. I don’t want to date them i just want to see the love that i read in books and mangas directed at me. Just to see how it feels. Feels to be liked, to be loved. I want to know what it just might feel like to be the object of somebody’s affections and kindly just want to be with me. Idk. Like, if it feels so good in media, can i just have a taste?
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how do i word this in a way that's respectful but still thoughtful and articulates my valid frustrations about being pansexual in online wlw spaces... idk how the power dynamics/measures of visibility and inclusivity work for non-lesbian sapphics in sapphic spaces generally, but it's definitely been on my mind for a long time. istg i never feel this kind of invisibility/invalidation in real life ever. my sexuality is usually met with respectful, genuine curiosity (bc people tend to be confused abt the nuances between being bi and being pan, which is fair; we're not as visible and it's a pretty nebulous thing to navigate up until now). i wonder what i need to unpack to figure out why it is something i experience only in online spaces, but i want to unpack this in a way that doesn't undermine or invalidate my lesbian friends either bc these wlw spaces are so precious and vulnerable especially for lesbians. i think this is why it's extra tricky for me bc i know how important it is to protect these spaces for them. I don't want my frustrations and my desire for my pansexuality to be acknowledged/respected to be felt as an intrusion or invasion of this space. i really don't want this to turn into a "but what about me/[insert non-lesbian but still wlw experience]" situation at the expense of pushing lesbians out of focus, as they have been treated so harshly by misogynistic and lesbophobic people countless times (and we still see it happening now). but at the same time there are moments when i see such aggressive biphobia/panphobia within the same spaces that i'm just like, oh wow... oh ok..... :'0
it's so tricky bc of the overlaps. it's tricky bc people like me cannot be fit into a single box labeled "lesbian" "gay" "straight." it is not as rigid as this. i wonder if other polysexual people feel the same. :0
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trying to just live your life bc you can only have so many health scares before your doctor flat out refuses to consider anything could be wrong with you but you’re constantly convinced that you’re gonna die from some rare fast acting disease or infection is honestly so exhausting like today’s object of concern is “worried that I’m gonna die via rare poisonous spider bc I saw what I think was a web when getting my dogs leash unstuck from a bush branch even tho I didn’t feel anything get on me but I checked my hands and arms just to be sure but what if the spider was too tiny for me to see and bit me and now I only have a day to live”
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