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#idk what will hapoen
hellwurld · 4 months
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every day i think about how great of a character eloise bridgerton could've been. like she has her fantastic moments and i did love her and theo, but truly i think so much of her feminism falls flat, and it's a shame because she is so spirited and dedicated, but she's written in such like . a shallow ? way despite that if that makes sense
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flimsy-roost · 9 months
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now that I know I'm audhd I'm pretty gentle with myself, like I can just go meh whatever and shrug off most of the weird shit I do, but one thing that still makes me want to sink into the floor every time is when I get so excited to see a visibly queer person in a mundane environment that I forget you're not supposed to stare and bc I'm not super expressive by the time I snap back to reality this poor person has been stonefaced stared down by a random schlub (me) for long enough that they're now worried about getting hatecrimed in the Lowes parking lot. Why Am I Like This
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teemhaunts · 7 months
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dont let me cook late at night i will continuously add random things until my eyes start bleeding
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calpalsworld · 7 months
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i missed turning an assignment in on time for the first time this schoolyear 😦
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mako-neexu · 2 years
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buggyandthebartoclub · 8 months
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Idk how to say this but it’s hypocritical to say it’s all fiction, no thought policing, etc etc when it’s about stuff you’re horny for but not for the things you’re not horny for.. In both writing and art..
*shrugs* idk some of y’all kinda give rules for thee not for me w it. Idk. Just reflecting on things
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minty-bubblegum · 11 months
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WHY IS MY TUMBLR PURPLE
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threeleggedcrow · 2 years
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i love you oeople in my phone i really really do stay swag forever
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Big vent post, i dont have the brainpower to CW it
The sorrows of having pain on your shoulders that you cannot hold any longer. The type of pains you take to the grave. To have a single place you can untangle the long chain of pain is something most dont get the oppertunity to have.
I lost all hope in humanity sometime late last year, and have been trying to find a reason- any reason, to stay alive. i didnt eat if i wasnt at work, and i didnt sleep if it wasnt on my commute. I plunged myself into work when i lost a reason to live and all i have left of it is burnout, an empty bank account and a nic problem- my natural thought being if i couldnt die now id be fine taking years off my life for temporary solace.
I don't know why i cannot find peace in this life. Im beyond poor, have so few social skills i dont know how to meet other girls who'd be willing to put up with my shit long enough for me to befriend them let alone date, and often feel like a sore thumb when people who want to have me around bring me around people who live such wildly different lives.
Ive been off pain pills for close to 2 years now and my pain only gets worse with time, but i know how badly they ruin your life. Can't say much about smoking either beyond that.
Ive been overmedicated by quack doctors who throw more and more antidepressants at me when they only make it worse- and when i tell them what i needed i got a hand wave and an upping of dosage of mood stabilizers, cant afford medical treatment, cant find a job with consistent hours to feed myself, cant get financial assistance with housing or electricity because im already so broke the place wasnt up to code when i moved in- under the table shit, and got fucked up by a carbon monoxide leak.
It feels like an endless cycle, that if emotional pain wasnt enough in this world that my chronic pain makes it so i cant get a better job than the 8 hours every other week. So what do you do when facing that? The future is bleak enough im actually starting to worry if im going to make it.
I've lost my original will to live ages ago. Im praying i can find something to keep me here. Because even if its the tar of a cigarette, ill take that over the whirling dark of oblivion.
Maybe thats the addiction talking, maybe thats the truth. Im scared to face this world alone, but anybody who wants to get close i just push away. Its easier to push them away.
Its easier to push myself, away.
I dont want to be alive, and im scared.
This is the deepest darkness ive felt consume me in years.
Where do i find passion in my life again? It feels like everything will be a repeat of my past failures. And im doomed to end up in an abusive relationship like my dad.
Maybe if i just stayed with him and put uo with all his asanine shit id be in new york right now. A cozy apartment, obscene rent, rain on the window, lights illuminating the sky. Maybe we'd be happy now.
Probobly not. Id probobly have moved to new york then he'd have found a prettier tranny to top him before dropping me to the curb thousands of miles from home
Instead im here, in a world which i am in no way part of. Dragged along to experience the joys of friends, left feeling pointless and like extra baggage at every moment.
Maybe one day ill learn to accept that people care about me.
But why would they, i dont care about me.
Id be lying if i said starving myself felt bad. I like looking thin. I feel like im going to throw up all the time, food makes me actively repulsed, im weak and have no energy. Its totally worth it... Right?
This is why i fucking hated brat summer. Like every other good corperate faggot i got swept up in it, but something snapped in me.
Party every day when im bumpin that.
Like a bizzare and fucked up wet dream for anybody focused on nothing but vapid appearance based worth. But thats the nature of clubs right?
Maybe i am hot, i had old gay men buy me drinks and another weird queer fuck in my room at my house.
Maybe i am a piece of shit- free booze and guilt free sex with a loser who may have started stalking me, but its better than being alone. Right?
Is it better than being alone?
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yanosdiary · 3 months
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I was having sensory overload/overstimulation
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I wanna cry so bad fuck
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theperksofbeingstupid · 4 months
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i leave for ONE HOUR!!!!!
ONE!!!!!!
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s0urte3th · 5 months
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i dont know whats been wrong with me lately
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Day 1. Date Night
Takaaki fixed his shirt and checked for anything wrong with it. He was nervous. These were just his nerves getting the best of him. He hadn't been on a date in…so long. He just hoped he didn't disappoint Taichi tonight. He promised to pick up the programmer soon, so he should definitely start heading out.
"Alright, Taka, be careful and always keep the door locked. Okay?" Takaaki said to his son. "Of course, Father. You look nice, have fun." Kiyotaka gave him a grin before continuing to read. "Thanks. I love you, Taka." Takaaki said before leaving the house and locking the door.
He got in his car and drove to Taichi's apartment. He knocked on the apartment door and patiently waited. He really hope he wasn't underdressed for the occasion. He heard the door open and saw Taichi standing there. His hair was brushed and his had on a nice dress shirt. "Hi, Aki!" Taichi greeted happily. His cheeks were flushed red.
"Hey, you ready?" Takaaki asked, just making sure he really was. "Yeah, let me just put on my shoes really quick…" Taichi said as he slipped on his usual brown shoes. The two headed to Takaaki's car after Taichi said farewell to Chihiro. "So, dinner?" Takaaki asked.
"Sure. Unless you wanna have a walk in the park?" Taichi asked. "Dinner is nice, haven't eaten in a while." Takaaki said. Taichi nodded and put on his seatbelt.
The restaurant wasn't so packed and they were able to be seated quickly. So it was all good. Taichi and Takaaki just sat there awkwardly. "So…uhm. How's Chihiro?" Takaaki asked. "He's good. Taka?"
"Great." Takaaki responded.
It was silent. "Aki, you know, I missed you. All those years spent apart, I wasn't sure what to do." Taichi admitted. "I really missed our talks." Taichi said with a sad smile. "I did, too." Takaaki admitted as well. Their fingers intertwined on the table. There was their love. They adored each other, admiring the other lovingly. Takaaki loved Taichi's shyness, but his courage was something great.
Taichi admired how Takaaki, despite all he's gone through, keeps going. And he doesn't give up so easily. But he always noticed how much of a flaw that was at times.
The two chatted about random topics, Takaaki was very much fascinated by how Taichi talked about programming. No, he didn't enjoy it himself. But he didn't mind listening to Taichi. He loved how Taichi's face lit up when he spoke about it. "That's great, Chi." Takaaki said, lightly giving Taichi's hand a squeeze.
Taichi moved in his seat to get closer to Takaaki, kissing him. "What was that for?" Takaaki asked, chuckling. "Don't know. I just…you looked really nice right now." Taichi bashfully said. "I love you so much." Takaaki said without thinking.
Taichi smiled, "Me, too."
"This date has been kinda shitty. Sorry." Takaaki apologized, sighing. "It's okay. I love the idea of spending time with you." Taichi said.
Really?
Takaaki was a little surprised, but he didn't say anything.
Time passed and the two paid the check and headed back to Taichi's apartment. There, they said farewell for the night. Takaaki let go of Taichi's arm and Taichi just held onto his hand. "Goodnight, Aki. I had a nice night. Just us." Taichi said, sighing and hiding his face in Takaaki's chest. "I'm glad, Taichi." Takaaki lifted Taichi's head to look at him.
Takaaki brought his lips to Taichi's, kissing him sweetly. "Goodnight." Takaaki said before leaving. "G-Goodnight!" Taichi said back, waving.
《~~~~~》
I was bored and I'm sobsleeoyyyy
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mako-neexu · 8 months
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kurouzus · 1 year
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my mother is so cruel. god bless.
#i went to drop a coffee off at my aunts house. was nside for a few minutes and when i came out there was a massive puddle under my car and#it was making A Noise. so i tellmy auntimm sordy if your dogs bark at me i migjt need to be in your driveway for a minut#and at this point im assuming its my.power steering. bc it Is leaking#andit was red like my.power steering so i assumed Something Happened. but when i popped my hood.#it was like. idk. maybe it was my antifreeze#it looks like. a cap for something came off somewhere. and#whayever it was#boiled up and Out.#and this has never hapoened to me so i am very stressed trying to figure itnout but im not freaking out at this point. then my mom texts me#and she stsrts getting mad at me. telling me to just fucking drive it and get it out of the damn driveway etc etc and i text her back like#i dont know if i can do that i dont know what happened give me a minute and shes like jesus its just youe antifrweze just come home#and now shws being Mean to me andim Stressed. So I Start Crying#then she starts telling me im making a scene and stressing iut my aunt andbring ridiculous#and its like Im only crying bc yiu are being MEAN TO MEEE#and anyways i end up just driving the damn car when i really Should not have#bc if its the antifreeze You are not SUPPOSED to drice without the damn antifreeze you need coolant in youe damn car but WHAGEVER#it was a short drive. probably no damage.#but then i got home and im still crying and she just thinks im.upset abt the car as if she wasnt yelling at me just moments ago like man.#and listen. i just needed someone to be nice and reassuring that my car wasnt avt to fucking explode
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vamppeach · 1 year
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warning signs that I forgot to eat:
1. I start thinking about that one friend breakup where I didn't get closure
2.
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