#idk what's going on in here lol just another [wrote some shit out on & off for hours; nailed it to the door]

[hijackalx]

*SOME DURGE QUEST SPOILERS*

***NONCON AND DRUG USE MENTIONS***

GORTASH SFW HEADCANONS:

ok to start i think when he was a prisoner his hair got rlly long and unkept and he hateddd it so the minute he escaped he chopped that shit off himself and thats why its so unruly lol (*EDIT he always cuts his own hair is what im sayin)

this man is such a taurus like everything about him screams taurus. has a taurus stellium fosho

would listen to superheaven

hes also sooo jenny by studio killers, disco man by remi wolf, happiness by the 1975 coded with Durge 😩😩

with durge hes also giving bf that ur dad hates but like thats canon. i think he likes that hes able to influence durge to the point that they rebel lol. the type of boy u run away with when ur younger

probably BLASTED jet black heart by 5SOS on repeat when Durge disappeared LMFAOO

also i kind of feel like the fearless buff to his clothing is more an insight to his character rather than him needing magic to not be fearful bcz he literally got the shit beat out of him everyday and lived in HELL how can he not be desensitized to everything at that point 😭😭😭 it does not get much worse than that my boy

hes so thique like hes just a big boned dude. tiddies SO fat too EUGH + thick shoulders/arms. he feels so warm and safe i just know it i just KNOW it gurl

also idk if it was supposed to happen but in my latest playthrough during the fight with him he dropped his bow and just started beating the shit out of us 😭😭😭😭 all hands baby like WHAT 😭😭 so i like to think thats his preferred method of fighting idk if thats canon tho i feel like i seen somebody talking abt that before but mightve just been another hc

occasionally does drugs. likes the ones that make him feel really elated (idk what theyre called in bg3 its some kind of dust or something) ALSO HC THAT HE WAS ON SOMETHING WHEN HE WROTE RHAT FUCKED UP NOTE TO FRANC (WAS THAG HIS NAME U GUYS KNOW THE NOTE) HE WAS OBVIOJSLY TRIPPING BALLSSSSS

lots of body hair…… everywhere……. straight and black body hair. that is so sexy to me let me smell the pheromones in your armpits king LMFAO (i think theres something wrong with me)

going off of rhat yes i think he smells good (DIVINE, even) as a woman that is feral and in heat all the time. but to normal ppl he may smell kind of weird. not STINKY stinky but like when u dont shower and ur natural scent starts to mix with the perfume/cologne ur wearing SORRY 😭😭😭 im trying to be realistic here. or maybe like when u wake up and didnt shower the night before and u can still smell the perfume/cologne u put on yesterday. basically what im saying is he might need to shower

hes just so masculine it drives me crazy I LOVE MEN !!!!!!!!!! I LOVE EEENERM. ME E WN

love language:

giving = lowkey getting acts of service vibes here but u didnt hear it from me 🤫🤐 gift giving too. tav is just his widdle babie and he wants to make sure theyre the happiest they can be 🥺😩

receiving = acts of service LMAO give and get back type of shit

relationship wise i think he is the most doting and sweetest person. like tav will never have to worry abt anything ever again bcz he will handle everything. takes care of them cuz they are his king/queen 😌

GORTASH NSFW HEADCANONS:

yeah going off that last hc he is sweet outside the bedroom but a menace in it. its just the way he is. its probably exhausting too 😩 like if u ask him to be gentler/less intense he will try for a while but probably wont enjoy it as much. he doesnt like to hold back.

i WILL say tho ☝🏻🤨 i think when he gets close to finishing he gets a little more soft/loving. he just has to get his badness out first yall its fine

HIGH libido wants to smash all the time. he also (POSSIBLE NONCON MENTION !!!!!!!) thinks that since ur his u should be willing to give it up whenever he wants it. (NONCON MENTION OVER) i think in the bedroom he sees u as a servant even if ur considered his equal normally. like hes a chosen of bane he has to feel like he has control over u in SOME way

can be selfish depending on his mood. sometimes he doesnt see u as anything other than a toy (lowkey hard for me to admit but i NEVA LIE GIRLS !!!!! 🙅🙅🙅) like can be such a fucking asshole about it too

BUT !!! when he is feeling generous he is soooo generous. EUGH like he will make sure u enjoy urself!!!! probably multiple times !!!!!!!!!!!!

dont know why nobody else has said he has a daddy kink. so obvious like call him daddy ms thing he will nut so hard. oh corruption kink too. like can u imagine Durge being so innocent when they first met cuz they were never allowed to get close to anybody and hes just sooo into it HELLO i got to write that fic NEOW

omg breeding kink too give him heirs. will fuck the shitttt out of u in a mating press. probably comes a lot too almost impossible not to get pregnant with him LMAO

likes to pick u up and fuck u. manhandling king. also will do the faerun equivalent to coke and wants u to do it w him then fuck nasty afterwards

i feel like he doesnt last an extremely long time. 15-20 mins is THE MOST youre getting out of him lol he just gets very excited (which is lowkey kind of cute??)

do i even have to say that this man is packing schmeat. heavy dick. heavy balls. allow me to bear some of that weight for u my liege 🤲🏻🧎

ORIN BONUS ????:

mostly nsfw

ok i didnt originally plan to add orin but listen….. gortash is a charismatic guy….. imagine orin was into him too LISTEN ! like shes jealous asf of Durge in that sense too not just bcz of them being bhaal’s fav. like when i think abt them i just am getting a vibe okay. this trio……..

every time she sees gortash and Durge acting close and doing all their yucky lovesick shit she just gets soooo mad. now imagine she shifts into Durge to get gortash to fuck her. yeah… yall seeing the vision? would he ever find out ?? imagine that was why he hates orin so much?? he doesnt want to tell Durge (cuz thats cheating hes not a cheater duh 🙄 plus hes scared theyll be mad at him) and thats why his explanations as to why he hates orin are so vague

[raycatzdraws]

Your dark crystal lu au has me giggling and kicking my feet. I would love to hear more about it!!! What inspired Hyrule to leave the caverns? Are the Zelda's the Madras?

>:D

I wrote a lot so it's going under a read more:

Wanderlust? Wanting to see more of the world? Seeking out a missing princess? A calling? A summons by Aughra? It could be a number of things! I'm still figuring out how I want to integrate the Zelda lore and timeline into that of The Dark Crystal.

What I do know is that I think I want Hyrule to be apprenticing under Aughra. Assistant turned apprentice. He really does do a lot of grunt work. Go here, fetch that, oil the entire orrery, crawl around in the Sog swamps for this one specific plant. But he has a strong connection to the song of Thra and an insatiable desire to listen and learn so Aughra teaches, and gives him tasks most would think crazy, and he stays. She keeps telling him asides about this snarky sharp tongued apprentice she had before who did a bunch of cool stuff but then ran off and is shirking his duties!!! and Hyrule's like, "gee I'd really like to meet this guy you keep comparing me to smh"

As for the Zeldas, yeah! They're the princess and Maudras. These are bound to change but at the moment, the trio Artemis, Dot, and Lullaby are Maudra to the Vapran clan together. Dusk of the Drenchen, Fable is Spriton with strong connections to the Castle of the Crystal, Dawn with the Grottans, and Aurora spends her time with both the Vapran and Grottan clans. I think the Sifa hierarchal structure would be a little looser. Most seek council from the Sifa elders and soothsayers. Tetra's out and about sailing with her crew. When she needs to speak for the clan that's when you know things have really gone to shit. Flora is a princess from an age past who now travels but spends a lot of time with the Vaprans. I'm realizing now I've forgotten Stone-in-the-Wood. I might place Lullaby, Dot, or Flora there instead. Still a wip!

Which leaves Sun. There's Thra, and then Mithra from the Power of the Dark Crystal comics. I don't want to add another clan because there being 7 is significant. But maaaaybe I could just be like, you know what, what if there were just gelfling living on floating islands who have been up there of since the Age of Innocence or Golden Age or whatever and forgotten. And they're not part of any clan necessarily.

What I really need to figure out is the cause for all the guys to be in one place. Do I want time travel and they're all from different eras and are jumping between them like they are in the LU comics and fanworks, do I want a singular timeline and they've all been living congruently the whole time with their own adventures, or do I want some kind of event to have happened which has caused their times to collapse into a singular and now they're all here in one place with their Zeldas? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ there's a lot of possibility! The Dark Crystal already deals a lot with ideas of threes and triangles so three timelines and three virtues for the triforce and there being nine heroes (divisible by three) already works suuuper well.

And then there's the villans. In loz there's Ganon but in TDC the Skeksis are already a formidable adversary. They have a thirst for power and everlasting life that's already pretty interesting. There's the darkening too, which could be a stand in for the idea of Ganon, just like an evil tainting the land instead of an actual person. Idk!

And since I want it to be in Thra, where in the timeline should it be? During the Age of Division before the events of AoR, far far past the events of the later comics in the Second Age of Harmony with Kensho and Thurma, or create something new and rewrite the timeline altogether? lol I need to reread Power of TDC and read the other comics.

There's A LOT but it's fun.

[sensivs]

I'm back lol

I was thinking some...

Graves gets eaten out by male reader in his office

I am currently working on another graves smut thing but yes

BOTTOM GRAVES FOR THE WIN 🫡🫡🫡🫡🫡🫡‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

———————————————

Basic summary: it’s time gentlemen… THE WHOREIFCATION OF GRAVES

———————————————

Graves let out a big sigh, he was currently in his office looking at some paper work.

A simple knock came from his door, “come in!” Graves answered, in came you. You were graves assistant, you were known for being a jokester towards the big boss man but he still kept you around.

Why? Because he’s in love with you.

“Hey sir” graves rolled his eyes when he heard your “annoying” voice. “Hi y/n” “what you doing there boss?” You peaked over his shoulder.

“None of your business, now tell me why your here” graves replied, putting the papers he had in his hands down onto the table.

“Oh nothing, I’m just here because i miss you” “you literally saw me a few- why are you really here? What do you need lieutenant?”

You could tell graves was getting annoyed very quickly, jeez that task 141 shit was really getting to him huh? “Calm down boss, it’s gonna be okay” you said, rubbing his shoulders.

You knew that phillip’s shoulders were an absolute weak point of his. “F-Fuck off” graves said, stifling his moans.

“Your so cute when you try to hold your moans~” graves felt embarrassed, being teased by an assistant isn’t something that graves would call a “flex”.

“Shut. up.” Graves said through bitten lips. “Come on, let loose Phillip, you know you want too~” you did have a point.

Phillip was really stiff these past few days, he really needed some relaxation for all his hard work. You guided your bosses face to the table, laying it down gently.

“Reeelaaaaxxxxx” you calmly said like those massager people, idk but something like that. “God you’re so fucking annoying y/n”.

“Calm down the hate train football dad I’m just trying to keep you from having a complete meltdown”

The last time graves got so overworked wasn’t a pretty sight for sore eyes.. so preventing it was like a gift from the gods.

Graves let out a big sigh once again, being mean to your pookie bear isn’t gonna win him Phillip 🥱‼️.

He was being too hard on himself and he knew it, once you saw that graves had finally gone into a relaxed state.

You slowly pulled down grave’s pants and boxers. All those teases that you told graves following the lines of “i will eat your ass” were finally becoming true.

Graves shivered, feeling the cold air hitting his bare ass was a new experience for the man. “You ok boss?” “A-All good”.

You chuckled, you looked at the meal you had in front of you. Goddamn did it look delicious, but you couldn’t just dig in just like that. Make him feel it.

You groped both of the two huge mountains of flesh presented in front of you, graves let out a cute little gasp but kept quiet, not wanting you to stop.

You then started leaving bite marks and hickeys on the man’s beautiful buns, they were very soft and were very delectable.

You left one last bite mark and then looked at the real reason for all this. Graves hole puckered slightly (pls be nice to me guys I’ve never wrote someone getting eaten out).

You immediately dived right it, the sudden action made graves jerk his hips forward and moan loudly.

Graves moans didn’t lower and you knew that Phillip wasn’t going to lower them anytime soon. You had a strong grip on his thighs, their soft plushy feeling almost made you cum.

But you knew better than to cum just by touch, so you continued enjoying your meal. Graves’ moans started to get louder, “aH! Fuck fuck fuck fuck!!! Just like that y/n, oh yes just like that, aHh~”.

And just a few seconds later, graves came. Soon after, you came. The both of you tried catching your breath, you got up and comfortably laid yourself on top of graves.

“Get off lieutenant! Your crushing me!” “I’m not that heavy stop lying >:( “

————————————————

I’m sorta thinking abt a Valeria and Alejandro x male reader tag team type of thing but idk if y’all want it to be Valeria or Rudy orrrrr maybe both??? , you guys pick and I’ll do it :) .

Also…

WHAT THE FUCK IS A KILOMETERRRRR 🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🇺🇸🏈🏈🏈🏈🏈🏈🏈🏈🏈🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅

[screamlet]

20 questions for fic writers

tagged by no one, stolen off the dash- the numbers are outrageous because i've been writing in fandom since 2009 🫠 here's my whole ao3 profile ("back catalogue") lol.

1. How many works do you have an AO3? 144

2. What's your total AO3 word count? 1,624,724

3. What fandoms do you write for? right now: 9-1-1 and bts

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos? the cleverness of me (star trek, kirk/spock) an upbeat kind of dirge (star trek, amanda/sarek, kirk/spock) visit philadelphia (hamilton, hamilton/laurens) every day is a gift that's why they call it the present (hamilton, lots of pairings) you are cordially invited (star trek, kirk/spock)

5. Do you respond to comments? not... really... for a really stupid reason! which is that my hamilton fics (especially the first two) were some of the first posted on the ao3 and the comments blew up so much i couldn't catch up and never caught up. years later, i have 3100 unread comments but i read them all the time 🥹

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? the five year mission (star trek, kirk/spock). read the tags!!! though i kind of love the comments that are like "i didn't read the tags/warning and holy shit i should have."

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? i'm a sappy romcom bitch at heart, so most of them do. off the top of my head, the most recent: what are your intentions? (9-1-1, bucktommy) and out of the woods (into your arms) (bts, namseok). i think happiest is relative to the time/agonies it took to get there and these two warm the hell out of my heart.

8. Do you get hate on fics? no thankfully.

9. Do you write smut? When The Story Calls For It

10. Do you write crossovers? not opposed to them but i haven't come across an idea where it would work.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? not that i know of and let's keep it that way!!!!!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? yes, mostly into russian and mandarin

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? yes!!!! but not in a long time, god knows how it would go these days because i might be more Exacting these days. or it would go great! driven outside and driven in (princess diaries 2, mia/nicholas) dexterity (star trek, amanda/sarek) 14. What's your all time favorite ship? honestly bucktommy is working its way up there because i love love love buck so much. SO MUCH. OUR SPECIAL BOY. but long term it's: kirk/spock (star trek, every version), nicke (nicklas backstrom)/ovi (alex ovechkin) (hockey rpf), and cory/shawn from boy meets world (I KNOW).

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? i try not to post WIP's because i really avoid reading WIP's unless i trust the author. but there's one fest fic that i'm going to finish if it kills me: table for him and you and me (bts, rapline ot3). there's also an unposted bts star trek au that i haven't touched in two years that is my white whale that i have to finish one day, goddddddd

16. What are your writing strengths? dialogue, and it comes so easily, it comes first

17. What are your writing weaknesses? everything else, lol. describing people's appearances? if you don't have a visual reference, i am fucked. 18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? i don't like when it's italicized. it feels too much like making it ~exotic, but that's my own very personal and subjective opinion i don't want to argue about. AND i did it in a recent fic, so. idk. 19. First fandom you wrote for? probably lord of the rings or harry potter in the pre-ao3 days, and all of them are lost to history/livejournal 20. Favorite fics you've written? a lot of hockey rpf ones, i don't know what was in the water but i love them still (all nicky/ovi, all archive locked) the arrival of 290287 backstrom the washington royals did you ever stop to love me

my three boy meets world/girl meets world fics (cory/shawn/topanga): it's just the rest of our lives for bts: my namseok regency au, the other 100k+ fic i've written. i love it and i don't think you need to be a bts fan/namseok shipper to read it. if you like regency stuff, agony, mutual pining, childhood sweethearts to estranged husbands to reconciliation: i think you'll love it! like the ocean needs the waves (bts, namseok, 121k) and recency bias is a thing but man i love my six precious bucktommy stories i've posted. especially what are your intentions? i have a lot of long comfort fics that i've read over the years that i love going back to over and over again, and yes i wrote it but this is one of them for me (and i hope it becomes one for other people)

passing this on to anyone who wants to think about their writing at 12:30 AM! but also @waldorph @rcmclachlan @cecilyv @dadvans @liminalmemories21 @geddyqueer

[kiwiana-writes]

Weekend WIP Game

@welcometololaland has invented a new WIP game and we're all blessed for it.

Rules: List your WIPs below (if you only write one fic at a time, feel free to include future WIPs/ideas!) then answer the following questions. Then, tag as many people as you have WIPs (or more). (If you're an artist or other non-fic fandom creator, questions can be found here!)

1. WIP List: Sigh.

-The Last Five Years || The Next Five Years -The way we get into each other's bones [Angstapalooza RWRB Edition] -[Alex & Bea fake date] -[arranged marriage redux] -[Bodyswap] -[D&D flirting] -[fetlife lol] -[Findom] -[Hands free] -[Henry writes] -[Henry/Alex/Liam/Spencer] -[Hockey bf Henry] -[horny soulmates] -[Leverage AU] -[Orpheus and Eurydice] -[Rafael prequel] -[Shaan/Zahra] -[Vegas fuckup] -As sure as the dawn brings the sunrise -Auroras and sad prose -Buzzing through my veins -Chantilly lace and a pretty face -Climb up and meet the sky -Hold up, rewind, knock me off of my feet -Just one moon (and one golden sun) -Rafael is surrounded by disaster queers [Actor AU verse] -Secret Agent Raf 5+1 [Actor AU verse] -What's left of me in our little vignette -Years of dreams just can't be wrong

2. Which of your WIPs is currently the longest? The way we get into each other's bones [Angstapalooza RWRB Edition]

3. Which WIP do you expect will end up the longest? The Last Five Years || The Next Five Years - it's designed as a duology, so idk if each individual fic will beat out angstapalooza, but the duo definitely will, and y'all will want to read them together (unless you love pain I guess??)

4. Which WIP is your favourite to write/the most enjoyable to write? Why? It changes day to day but right now I have @clottedcreamfudge going fucking feral at me over [Hockey bf Henry] at any given hour of the day which definitely makes it really fun to just... write a snippet and immediately be shrieked at.

5. Which WIP do you find the most intimidating to write? Why? For some unknown reason, Years of dreams just can't be wrong which is the Anastasia AU?? I don't know why it's fucking with me so much, but it's very rude actually.

6. Which WIP do you experience the most self-doubt about. Why? The way we get into each other's bones [Angstapalooza RWRB Edition] -- it's gonna be a balancing act in terms of not being gratuitous emotional pain etc

7. Which of your WIPs will you seek out a beta/sensitivity reader for? Why? The long ones: The way we get into each other's bones [Angstapalooza RWRB Edition], The Last Five Years || The Next Five Years, [Leverage AU]. Maybe a few of the others depending on how the plot spins out.

8. Have any of your WIPs been struck by the curse of writer's block? ...have you seen the length of this list?

9. Which WIP has your favourite OC? Tell us about them? [Rafael prequel] is the only one that has any OC of substance right now lol

10. Which WIP is the sexiest? In terms of what is actually on the page right now, not what is planned to be written, it might actually be [Henry writes] right now.

11. Which WIP is the angstiest? The way we get into each other's bones [Angstapalooza RWRB Edition]

12. Which WIP has the best characterisation (in your humble opinion)? ...I mean I hope all of them lol. For fun let's say Chantilly lace and a pretty face

13. Which WIP has the best scene setting (in your humble opinion)? Climb up and meet the sky, the vintage plane fic my beloved.

14. Which WIP have you worked the hardest on? The way we get into each other's bones [Angstapalooza RWRB Edition], though Years of dreams just can't be wrong has given it a surprising run for its money.

15. Which WIP do you have the highest expectations for? Why? The way we get into each other's bones [Angstapalooza RWRB Edition] -- I wrote a fic lovingly deemed angstapalooza for another fandom and people collectively lost their shit over it, so... idk I guess y'all love pain???

16. Do you dream about any of your WIPs? Yes. And then I wake up and can't remember enough to write it down and then I cry.

17. Do any of your WIPs have particular complexities that your other fics don't? Oh for sure! The Last Five Years || The Next Five Years has the non-chronological chapter order baked into the format, so making sure the chronology is right and that readers can follow where we're at is a complexity. [horny soulmates] has one of those worldbuilding things where the less thought you put into it as a reader the better because otherwise it's a Problem so trying to make sure it makes sense without being horrifying if you think about the real world implications is a balance lmao. What's left of me in our little vignette has some time-related fuckery. [Orpheus and Eurydice] is written in verse, so. You know.

18. Which WIP is the funniest or has the most humour? In terms of what's actually written right now, probably Hold up, rewind, knock me off of my feet? But I like to think they're all funny lol.

19. Do any of your WIPs contain outside POVs or a deep dive on a character other than the main ship? How are you finding that process? [Henry/Alex/Liam/Spencer] runs through all four listed POVs which is fun and also requires a lot of pondering about whose POV we have when for maximum impact. [Rafael prequel], Rafael is surrounded by disaster queers [Actor AU verse], Secret Agent Raf 5+1 [Actor AU verse] are all Rafael POV, but the latter two are actor AU verse so I have a bit more leeway -- the first one is is canon compliant, though, so teasing out the little info we get about him and building the timeline is a beast of a job. [Shaan/Zahra] is fully epistolary so doesn't technically have a POV I guess.

20. Tell us one thing we don't know about one or more of your WIPs. The way we get into each other's bones [Angstapalooza RWRB Edition] is a prologue + 10 chapters and all those chapters are titled already lol, because I've never approached something in a normal order in my life.

Definitely NOT tagging as many people as I have WIPs holy hell but let's go @affectionatelyrs @celaestis1 @cha-melodius @clottedcreamfudge @cricketnationrise @daisymae-12 @dumbpeachjuice @happiness-of-the-pursuit @heybuddy-drabbles @hgejfmw-hgejhsf @hypnostheory @indomitable-love @inexplicablymine @lilythesilly @maxbegone @myheartalivewrites @nontoxic-writes @orchidscript @rmd-writes @sherryvalli @smc-27 @sparklepocalypse @stereopticons @suseagull04 @tintagel-or-cockleshells

[openphrase123]

i realize this may not be the best time to ask because of the last post you made, but how do you find the motivation to keep up with so many projects at once? the fact that you can is both inspiring and also very scary and i'm jealous. "average person writes 1 fic in their lifetime" WRONG. ficwriter openphrase123 who writes 3276453287 fics in their lifetime all at once is a statistical outlier and should not be c

oh this answer got long here's a readmore

well first of all. i have a boring dayjob that lets me marinate big ideas on the backburner. i can turn my thinking brain off for 90% of my projects at work. i've been working there for seven years, i can plot fanfiction in my head without taking a single performance hit LOL

second. um. i'm thirty in like four months. that is in NO WAY old, but i have been on this earth long enough to know when i, specifically, cannot execute or follow through an idea. i only pursue projects i know i can reasonably finish without going crazy. i just kind of. know how my brain chemistry works? i have reasonable expectations for myself?? i'm friends with my brain even if it likes to overthink or be anxious or have seizures or go down weird ocd-adjacent thought paths

third, which feeds a lot into the above point. but when you are in your teens and twenties it's going to take you some time to figure out the rhythm of how you work. i like to take a lot of mini breaks in between what i'm doing. this does not work for my girlfriend, who has ADHD and is like "if i take a break i will never recover" so she doesn't do that. brains are all different and you gotta find what works for you

fourth. well. this one might just be me. but the reason i have like 8 concurrent projects is because when i get tired of one, my brain is VERY happy to latch onto another one. no matter what i'm doing, something is getting done?? that's why i was writing 3 fics at once trying to decide which one to do next. and why i couldn't figure it out and had to leave it to a tumblr poll

and, fifth. idk. i don't write fanfiction when i don't want to? if you look at my ao3 account i haven't done it since. like. 2021? and before that the last time i wrote any fanfiction was in like 2013. of which i cannot track down that old accout but i swear it probably exists?

s.sixth??? and this one is going to sound the braggiest. and maybe it is a little bit. i'm good at this? not like. naturally. i wasn't born writing 100k fanfics. but i've been writing fiction for like. most of my life. i wrote a lot of awful stupid shit before i started writing good shit. i'm not falling asleep at the wheel or anything but after you're making art for enough time, it more easily falls into place. after doing it for so long you develop an intuition for the kinds of projects you will be sufficiently motivated for. i don't know how to describe this without sounding like a pretentious asshole. maybe i can allow myself to be for like five minutes. i've earned it

i hope that helped??? my brain kind of just. does stuff. i've trained it over the years to do stuff in the direction that makes me happy!! i wish my brain would let me go clean my bathroom instead but eh. tradeoffs?

[thesolotomyhan]

a/n: orale pues para aguantar el hambre,, a small post tonight+unedited (i wanted to get something out sorry guys) but here we are again because we're just going to ignore that i made another disappearance heh but for this work, i just randomly handpicked some thoughts :) and wrote a little something because i felt inspried but for mis other amores im currently working on those thoughts (esp. all you rafa lovers :) ) i just want to marinate them lol and not lose my motivation, but this is similar work to what i did with all those mayo asks long ago and i felt like i could do that with these thoughts so vamonos - ill be back soon :))

how he sleeps / cuddles with you 

weyyyy :( me puse toda emocional y casi llore- llore a imaginarme de esto :(

I just feel like his overall relationship aatachment to you would just downright fucking reflect on the way he sleeps with you if you catch my draft

Because I’m just going off of a gut feeling and the hc i made for him a while back but :(

mi hombre todo enamorado y chisquiado por ti would not want an inch- a millimeter away from you when he sleeps :(

so when it comes to sleeping with you , este mero hombre would love to have your back pressed up against his chest, like him being the big spoon and shit :(

it’s the most easiest access he has to have no space in between the two of you

it allows him to hold you as tightly as possible against him, your soft figure enveloped under his hold

ay no- his face just buried in your soft hair , it’s the scent he falls asleep to and wakes up to and i just - :( wow?

one of his arms under you , would not care if said arm falls asleep or is sore in the morning because he’s happy doing it at whatever cost

his other arm i just picture would be wrapped around your waist or stomach holding you back against him :(

or get this,, one of his hands choosing to hold yours, fingers intertwined and todo :( idk why picturing that gives me the softest lovey dovey vibes :(((

it also just,, gives him the “security” that you won’t leave (even tho you won’t) and if you even try to get up in the morning it wakes his ass up to and !!!

your sleeping positions could literally be titled “cuddlie session” if you wanted it because there is no other position he likes,,

He’ll sleep like un pinshe train wont wake him up just as long as he has a hold on you ,, like i imagine this mf wouldnt conformarse with one single hand holding your own,, thats too distant for this mans taste on sleeping

He has to like,,, physically hold you enterita

so the positions that immediately come to mind is with you sleeping on his chest,, his arms securing you against him or with your back to his chest,, his arms holding you back against him and practically squeezing you into him

or just something in that realm really but eso si

and sleeping on chest? sorry i didn’t go into that but here we go

because like ? it’s another security for him

it allows him to kind of basically scoop you into his chest,, his arm would be like wrapped around your shoulders and holding you against him

loves to have your head rest in his chest,, quite literally him being your personal pillow and i just feel so soft to that idea

and i just feel like his heart fucking thumps,, dumb smile adorning his face as he falls asleep when either one of your hands is splayed on his chest,, or like wrapped around his torso if you know what i mean

both of your legs and his just a tangled mess,, wanting to be as close as possible to each other

or :) his other hand that’s not wrapped around your shoulders,, i just imagine him bringing that said hand to pull one of your legs to wrap around his torso and just hold it there :(

i can also just imagine him once again burying his face into your hair as he falls asleep :) and i just - hn

also not me imagining that on some days ,, one way or another he might wake up with his own head laying on your chest,, arms wrapped around your torso,, with one of your hands gently waking him up because you’re softly playing with his chinitos y ayy no , no me miren

just overall? give him access to hold you entera ,, aginast him,, all the above answers you can think of because that’s the only way this man can sleep

christmas with rafa

i have to say i quite literally let out a small giggle when i read this lmaoooo

and its all because the first thing that popped into my mind was that one scene in s1 where pinshe cuco and chapo got him that fucking tree when he was sent into “hiding” and hearing him go “mi arbolito de navidad” jaja

pero getting myself collected now- la navidad is being with your loved ones right?

pues aggaranse because this man will do christmas like a religious event -

es la mas bonita temporada and to be spending it with you? heh you bet your ass he goes out with it

i imagine he really kind of gets into it almost? like he will be down to decorate whatever and wherever your little heart desires and as he sees fit :)

like you want the biggest tree he can find? you bet his ass is finding out where that shit is in the next hour ,, ready to be put up

like not me feeling my heart gush over the thought of him being excited? to put up like the ornaments on the tree but with you ,,

like even if it takes 6 hours or some ridiculous amount of time to decorate the tree ,, it’s spent with laughter from the both of you,,, besos a cada rato,, strategically planning out where the next red ornament should go or something and :((( weyy

and i say “ridiculous amount of time” because even if your putting like the garland on one of the windows or something ,, it take the both of your hours to do it because he just wants to tocarte even if it’s holding you because esta enamorado mi niño

like :( randomly coming up behind you to hug you or something :( his face buried in your neck and just telling you un “te amo mi reina” :( JUST BECAUSE HE FEELS LIKE IT

:(( and not me imagining you turning around and wrapping your arms around his shoulders telling him the same thing back :( y alli se la pasan todos embobados del uno al otro :(((

feel like he’s always telling you “ahora que mas :)” with that dumb smile he does because he wants to keep going and turn your damn house into something from a christmas movie

i feel like he’ll definitely cover the higher places where you can’t reach to decorate and have your eyes tell him where it’s perfect and all

and hnnnnng !!! :( i defintly feel like he praises every little decoration you both complete even if it’s small or big :(

like him leading you to take a step back and just admire your work after it’s done and just going “nos quedo bonito “erdad” :( dopey smile on his face and all

or something like “mira nomas, hacemos un buen equipo, no crees mi amor” :(

as he just holds you from behind ,, his pinshes ojos lighting up as he looks at both of your work :(

:((( stop im sorry,, but imaging you having one of your hands resting on top of his arms that are around you and leaning your other hand behind you to hold his neck/side of his face

turning your neck to look at him behind you and smiling at him like “si verdad? te amo” and i CRY BECAUSE THE SOFT ASS LOOK HE WOULD GIVE YOU ?? his big ass smile getting in the way of him leaning down to kiss you mmm BYE don’t touch me

my status? currently pulling strands of my hair because i just imagined that he definitely takes fucking pictures of the two of you :(( todos contentos, or besandose , either in front of like the tree or something like that

because he definitely saves and glues them onto his photo album with you (iykyk) :((

loL sorry but i can for sure see him not shutting about this day to like cuco or bothering neto with it jaja

like cuco would listen to him even if it wears his ears off ,, just fueling rafas emotions more because he finds it interesting

just rafa finding himself nonstop gushing about you and his day with you

but if neto was there ,, todo pinshe amargado i can definitely see him like slowly but rapidly loosing his cool if rafa doesn’t shut it soon lol

like he would probably let him go on for a maximum of 30 minutes if it’s a good day

but if he sees that rafa won’t put a lid on it soon i can just see him slamming something down near him,, and looking at rafas direction todo encabronado like “chingada madre rafa, ya callate me vale madres tu y la navidad”

jajaj def making rafa all “mad” and returning the same energy back like “pinshe amargado”

ayy no -

movie night with rafa

now listen up -

i had this mentioned in my first rafa headcannon and as i received this today,, wow am i glad whoever this was understands me on this perspective because yeS movie nights???? Is like a regular occurrence for him to do with you fight me

and im just glad someone finds that vibe as well :)

because yeah - refreshing some points,,, i feel like he goes out on things like this as well

just the whole decorating fiasco,,, him definitely remembering to get all your favorite snacks y antojitos

this man might have as well just bought the entire store just so the both of you can have the variety to choose from on what you want to snack on ya know

and yeah exactly as you said,, i feel like he definitely makes the enite place comfortable,, pillows and blankets scattered for you to chose from

the place might as well look like one of those fancy movie theathers (lol), but with his touch so that it’s all comfy y toda la cosa

and with this variety theme going on,, it for sure applies to your guys choice in movie(s),, because this mf would have like a stack to chose from lol

like his pinshe sonrisa is looking over at you as he walks into the room to show you all the different movies, like”mira mi amor, que se te va antojar a ver?” dopey smile on his face as he sits down in front of you on the floor :(

like just flipping through genres and shit- peliculas de horror or action ones ,, but his excitement is there just letting you go through them and choosing between the two of you which one you both want and feel like doing :(

stop not me imagining him giving you that wide smile he does when you pick out a movie :( and just him nodding his head,, moving to get up to put it in to play but before he does,, he just kisses you really quickly and i dont know why that made me melt :(

hnnng :( the two of you snuggling into each other on the ground,, i imagine like,, both of your guys back leaning against the foot of the couch i dont know why but yeah

snack sharing for sure happens,, no way around it,, and its either like the snack,, like palomitas or something is in between the two of you and your both sharing it like that

or if its like a small snack like,, fruta de vaso ya know,, one of you is feeding the other :( m

sorry but not sorry but he give me the same vibes as ramon in a sense, i know you guys remember that scene with ramon on his cartoons,, like laughing out loud and just going “mira mira” at something funny coming up ,loud ass laugh filling the room when said scene happens, i feel like rafa does the same shit if you guys were watching some cartoon or a funny movie ya know ? pinshe pure and heartmelting vibes sorry

and listen i dont know why but i can see some soft shit like this happening where either your movie turns boring or during intermission when youre both choosing your next movie pick

where i can see you both throwing popcorn at eachother,, tyring to catch them and just the whole house filling up with your guys laughing because of the different distances youre both throwing popcorn at each other or something and i just :(((

but movig on,,, he definitely zones in,, and i mean zones in when it comes to him watching movies,, like nothing tears his eyes away and that a sight you are guaranteed to see if you look at him :(

something i want to share is that your positions would for sure change either throughout the movie or when youre both going to watch another movie,, like instead of sitting side by side :( maybe him moving you to sit in between his legs :( so he can wrap his arms around you,, letting you lean back on him like a pillow y ayy no :( that makes me shatter

or even the both of you movig to lay down on the ground,, your head on his chest as he hold you to him by wrapping one of his arms around your shoulders :( a literal cuddles session if you will

and ughh i feel like the two od you dont ever move out of this space,, even well after maybe your chosen movie has ended or youre both halfway through some other movie at like 2 in the morning,, but you both definitely fall asleep against each other after these movie dates, nomas quiren estan pegaditos :(

general taglist: @coaxium-captain-rex @visintaes @sheeshgivemeabreak @artemiseamoon @wtfisgoingonlol @boomclapxox @carlislecullenisadilf @ashlingiswriting @fleurfatale89​ 

let me know if i forgot you or if you want to be added to anything! 

[madrone33]

Right so... been going crazy trying to catch up on the explosion of stuff peeps have been doing since the EPIC: The Musical Ocean Saga release, but. Got some downtime now, and I just wanted to post my reaction to listening to the songs, 'cause it was wild bro.

Fyi, this is all taking place at around 11:30 pm 24th Dec for me, as I'm an australian, so that would make it... uh, 8:30 am 24th Dec for americans I think? Idk, timezones are weird bro. Basically, I listened to the songs and then wrote down my immediate reactions at like 1 am lol.

*ahem*

OK HOLY SHIT HOLY FUCK. OK OK. They came out for australians. They CAME OUT FOR AUSTRALIA!!!!

I was on dicord, right? And then another australian says they're out, and i'm like wait what but there's still like 16 hours till midnight in est, but i look up 'luck runs out jorgre rivera-herrans' on yt (cause it's a unique name) and scroll down and FUCK IT'S THERE!! THE STANDARD AUTO TOPIC VERSION!! IT'S NOT EVEN MIDNIGHT HERE YET?? (23:24 at the time of discovery. The vid says it was uploaded 3 hrs ago already)

The piano. I heard the first notes of piano and ohhhhh shiiiit it's actually happening!!!

i opened the door and called out to mum 'cause i was still in disbelief and she was still awake and i was like "mum... i think it's out" or SOMETHIG LIKE THAT IDK THE EXACT WORDS. She said jokingly she'd thought i had an existential crisis and GIRL IT KINDA FELT LIKE IT?? I WAS NOT PREPARED! I WAS SUPPOSED TO HAVE ANOTHER 16 HOURS!

I tapped on the link thingy to the album in the description and then i had the album RIGHT THERE HOLY MOTHER OF JESUS. IT'S STORM. IN THE FLESH. THERE'S A FUCKING TRUMPET-

I did my civic duty and informed (read: screamed in all caps) to everyone in the discord while mum listened to the first song 'cause she said she was interested and asked and i was so excited and gave her my headphones to listen to storm and then I took em back once I was done and now it's time to go dark. I said goodnight to mum and... pressed play.

Here's the highlights:

Storm: mixing is on another level bro. The vocals, the harmonies, the chorus, and hearing all those snippets without breaks in between, actually flowing and making sense and that ending beat is AHHH-

It went so fast. It's three min long how did it go by so fast what-

Luck Runs Out: the piano is godly. They actually changed the melody of the 'you could be caught off guard' part. My first thought after ooo? Was 'damn it no longer sounds like shut up and dance w/ me' lol.

I think this one changed the most from the snippets. Jsut the way they say lines, and stray words. I love it. The harmonies-

KYFC: the intro is that one atmospheric snippet he did with the flutes!! Aeolus sounds so sassy compared to the old snippets oof hell yes! There's a small instrumental interlude between the first chorus and the crew asking about the bag which is new.

THE PENELOPE PART. OH. MY. GOD. I LEGIT TEARED UP, I WAS CRYING, I'M CRYING JUST THINKING ABOUT IT AND TYPING THIS OUT IT WAS SO FUCKING HEARTBREAKING.

Trying to hold them in his arms? Time to be that father he always wanted to be?? His eyes and heart and soul is heavy??? I'm FUCKING CRYING-

Also wow he really just stayed up for 9 days huh? Respect. Also, fuck those crewmates man. Bet they felt real stupid when it got them killed. Oh, wait, fuck it didn't Poseidon killed everyone but them oh hell nah- And Odysseus still goes to save them from Circe?? Bro. BRO. Just let them die. It ain't worth it.

And that's how Jorge introduces the land of the giants? Cool! I was wondering about that.

Poesiedon pull up! (Is it bad that i thought he sounded like ares in the pj musical there lmao-)

RUTHLESSNESS: it's here. Oh my lord it's here. Everyone stay calm. Fuck it IT'S FUCKING HERE!!

The chanting, Ody's terrified 'Poseidon...', the electric guitar on Poseidon's verse, the fucking growl in his voice is amazing, the 'Die.' is as;ihfd HELL FUCKING YES!!

I love that the 'Captain-!'s of the drowning men is more apparent here, and the silence afterwards... ooof you can hear Ody's horrified stuttered breaths and the way the lyric's changed to '43 left under your command' is soooo fucking good.

And then Ody's sudden defiance and the fucking burning in his eyes as he defies a god and escapes death- Yes. YES! It's so good-

... No wait it's over?? That's it??? WHYYYYY-

(Side note - the fact that there weren't any ads between vids is incredible and I thank the gods for this blessing.)

Ok, but all seriousness, that was incredible. I- I couldn't stop smiling. My face actually started hurting I was smiling so much. I was shaking the whole time, and I had to keep reminding myself to breathe, and- It was amazing. This was an amazing experience, and I'm so glad I could freak out to mum, and she was excited with me, and it was such a good surprise, like an actual chrismas gift from Jorge or some shit. I love it. I love this. Genuinely. It's an amazing thing he's given us and I thank him, sincerely. Thank you, Jorge, and everyone involved in creating this for people to enjoy and love. You should all be proud.

Thanks for reading me freak out, whoever made it to the end lmao. Tagging @dootznbootz because their rambles gave me the confidence to throw my own into the void. Thx :D

[ofduskanddreams]

HO HO HO SANTA'S HERE AGAIN!

What headcanons do you have for Azriel and Eris, like, for one and the other, not as a couple?

What do you not want to see, like, a no-go?

Happy week

Hi Santa!! Always so happy to hear from you :)

I hope you're ready for another long response lol. None of these replies are comprehensive, just the things that first come to mind ( I've barely touched my coffee yet so bear with me.)

Eris headcanons:

-Eris has short hair!! Even when I first read the series and didn't particularly like his character, I never could picture him with long hair the way he's canonically described. Idk why that is but my brain made a choice and I stand by it.

-Eris is protective of his mother and [some of] his brothers but he can't always act on it. (An aside, but I feel like there's at least one or two of his brothers who are fully loyal to Beron.) Canonically Eris's motivations for taking power are layered, many of them veiled; with the context of him subtly shielding his mother at the High Lord's meeting, I believe that one of the reasons he's so eager to become High Lord is because it will ensure his mother's safety.

-Eris was close to Lucien when Lucien was a child. I also headcanon that Eris knows who Lucien's bio father actually is. Lucien is easily one of my favorite characters in the series and he's been through so much shit that I like to imagine there were a few happy brotherly moments in his childhood. Eris obviously cared enough for Lucien that he tried to stand up to Beron to stop him from harming Jesminda, he took a risk by reaching out to Tamlin to meet Lucien on the border too. This ties in with the previous headcanon.

-I headcanon that Eris smells like wood smoke and warm spices (think cinnamon, cardamom, cloves.)

-Cassian was correct in chapter 79 of acosf when he said that Eris 'wasn't a monster,' he 'might even be a good male' but I don't agree with how simply Cassian wrote it off as he's 'too much of a coward to act like it.' I think the situation in Autumn is a lot more complicated than that. Yes fear likely (and understandably) factors into how Eris conducts himself, it's also likely that it's not safe for him or for those he cares about to act any other way.

-ALSO--while I do believe that Eris, at his core, is a far better male than his father I don't think he's like a golden retriever marshmallow either. I like nuanced and flawed characters. I think Eris can still be a "good male" without having to be a Nice Person--the male is no saint and I wouldn't want him to be.

-Last one for Eris, I swear. I headcanon that he's a person who craves control, especially since his entire lived experience has been spent knowing that Beron has the final word on everything and could ruin him whenever he chooses to. One of the ways Eris's desire for control expresses itself is in the bedroom ;)

Azriel headcanons:

-Azriel is a mess, and I say that affectionately. Canonically he has trust issues, authority issues, and self-worth issues; he's emotionally immature at times, and healthy communication is a stranger to him. Azriel is also a dark character: he's angry, he's violent, and there's who knows how much blood on his hands. I realize none of that was a headcanon lol but you also asked what I don't want to see: I don't want Azriel's edges smoothed out, and I don't want that messiness erased--similar to what I mentioned earlier about nuance.

-I headcanon that Azriel's shadows are sentient and that they can be annoying little shits at times sticking their figurative noses where they don't belong.

-Azriel has anxiety. This is a headcanon present in all of my fics. It's never stated outright in canon but given what we do know, especially when combined with these lines from Azriel's acosf bonus chapter (to me, a person with anxiety not in any way qualified to diagnose it,) it rings true: "Too many razor-sharp thoughts sliced him any time he grew still long enough for them to strike. Too many wants and needs left his skin overheated and pulling taut across his bones. So he slept only when his body gave out, and even then only for a few hours."

-Azriel is a momma's boy. Everyone who writes Azriel has different takes on his mother and what her situation looks like now. I like to think that she's happy with whatever form her life has taken on and that Azriel loves her a lot, but he often feels guilty when he spends time with her (that she wouldn't have suffered so much if it weren't for him, that he should have gotten her out sooner, insert deprecating thought here, etc) so he doesn't visit her nearly as often as she would like him to.

-I firmly believe that Azriel is a switch who almost exclusively stays on the dominant side of things because it's what people expect from him and he perceives it as being the less vulnerable option, therefore it's easier for him. However, I don't think he enjoys it that much because, in his daily life, he's constantly in control or at least trying to be. But, because Azriel has many misconceptions about himself and others, it's hard for him to give control over to someone else because he thinks it's a weakness (it's the opposite) so he only allows himself to give up control when he perceives the other party as being equal to or more powerful/better than himself.

my no-go-s:

-The thing I really hate to see (and this goes for many fandoms and pairings, not just Azris) is heteronormativity in queer relationship dynamics. What I mean by this is when heteronormative roles are imposed upon a pairing and it warps one or more of the characterizations. In many cases, this is unconsciously done, but that's all the more reason to discuss it. In the case of Azris, the reason I was drawn to it in the first place was that, personality-wise especially, both Azriel and Eris are portrayed as the traditionally masculine alpha-holes that SJM fills her books with and that meant their dynamic was an interesting detour from the canon pairings in the series so far :)

I know this was likely more than you asked for Santa, but thank you for reading my ramblings <3 I hope you have a good week as well!

[mattsdae]

help wanted part 4

read part 1, part 2, and part 3

tags: joe young x masc reader , leather/latex , frotting , making out , nipple play (?) , reader likes joe’s tits but can we really blame him , gambling ig , honestly not a lot happens , mostly fluff and plot shit

synopsis: joe looks good in his new costume, but reader feels like he’s being… watched.

word count: ~5.4k

a/n: sorry for the long wait! hopefully this is at least a little worth the 3 weeks with zero updates lol also i’m using readers forgetfulness to my advantage cuz idk any of the side characters names so i just wrote that reader doesn’t know anyones names.

joe was asleep by the time the lion king ended. turns out, crying your eyes out for the entire morning was tiring, so he took a little nap. the only issue was that he fell asleep on your shoulder. he was worried about you, so he got nice and close, cuddling up and falling asleep.

you had to sit through his nap, which sucked since the remote was out of reach and you couldn’t put another movie on. you sat still, listening to his little snores as he clung onto your arm. you let boredom (and comfort) take over, falling asleep with him on the couch.

you woke up a few hours later, curled up with a blanket over you. at first, you didn’t question it, rolling over and pulling the sheet up to your chin. it took a second, but you suddenly remembered joe. you popped up, looking over the living and dining room. you looked at the coffee table, finding a handwritten note.

Y/N,

you fell asleep, so i decided to go. i rewinded the tape for you! i had a lot of fun. we should do this more often!

:)

joseph young

you didn’t realize, but you smiled as you read the note. he had nice handwriting, simple but neat cursive that was still easily legible. he put a proper signature at the bottom as if it were a legal document, which only made you smile more. it was endearing to say the least. you kept the note, putting it in your bedside table drawer.

as you tidied up the tapes, you started to make up excuses in your head for what happened. it wasn’t like it was a date or anything. all you did was watch movies, it wasn’t a big deal. even though it ended with his head on your shoulder, so what? you could excuse all of it. you decided to ignore the dry humping and the fact that you came to the thought of loving him.

later that day, you got a call from dave talking about another orgazmo film you were going to do lighting for. you agreed a little too quick before catching the date and time. now, it was that date and time. you were talking to one of the prop designers, leaned up against the wall outside as you smoked a cigarette.

“honestly, i don’t get it, but maxxx asked for it so here i am.” he took a drag from his own cigarette. like most people on set, you didn’t know his name. people come and go pretty often, so you learned to tune out any names. it’s gotten to the point now that you can’t remember who anyone is, even if they’ve stayed around for months. usually, it gets to the point where it’s too awkward to ask.

“so is it supposed to be sexy? the whole orgasm-inator thing or whatever it’s called?” he shrugged with a smile.

“maxxx is into some weird shit, dude. i wouldn’t put it past him.” you nodded, smiling as you remembered multiple examples of his weird fetishes.

“y/n! need you in here!” dave called out. you answered before putting your cigarette out and going inside.

“what do you need-“

you cut yourself off, staring at joe as he spoke to the costume designer. he was wearing a new outfit, one made of latex or possibly leather. either way, it was tight fitting and shiny, hugging every inch of him perfectly. his shoulders and arms were exposed, which weirdly turned you on more than anything. you’d seen his dick, yeah, but never his bare arms.

he was muscular, much stronger than his loose button ups and long sleeves showed. his chest hair poked over the material, bringing attention to his expose collarbones. you felt insane, getting worked up over something like arms and collarbones. like an early englishman calling women harlot’s for exposing their ankle.

“you good?” you blinked, brought back to reality as dave snapped his fingers in front of you. your face heated, quickly adjusting yourself for no particular reason. “i just need you to set another umbrella by the couch.”

you nod, quickly getting to work to avoid any more suspicious. just as you tightened the knob, locking the angle in place, joe walked up.

“hey!” he grinned. you smile subconsciously.

“hey..” you hummed. you blushed, realizing you deepened your voice like a middle schooler trying to impress his crush. he giggled.

“why does your voice sound like that?” his eyes twinkled, a large grin on his face as he asked. you almost smiled just looking at him, but you stopped yourself.

“uhh, i’m a little sick.” you committed, keeping your voice weirdly raspy and deep. you felt your face warm up as you heard someone nearby huff out a small laugh.

“oh, really? are you okay?” his eyes widened, concerned. you shook your head, turning away to mess with the already set up light.

“yeah, i’m fine.” you turned away, squatting down in attempt to end the conversation. he put his hand on your shoulder.

“are you sure? you need to get some rest if you don’t feel well.” you shook your head, avoiding looking at him in case you spaced out again.

“i’m fine, joe. i promise.” your voice faultered. finally, you looked up at him. he always had a pout, a small downturn of his lips that only got more exaggerated with strong emotions like worry. you kept eye contact, refusing to look anywhere else.

“okay..” he leaned back. you went back to your job of acting busy, only for him to stay put. “did you see my new costume? it’s a little weird, right?”

“yeah, i saw it.” of coarse you saw it, it was the first thing you witnessed when you opened the door and yeah, it was weird. that’s why you were so freaked out about being turned on by it. “it looks good.”

“really? it’s a little.. tight.” you didn’t look, but you heard his hand run over the costume, likely trying to point out where it was tight. you refused to look, knowing what would happen if you did.

“i think it looks fine, man.” you keep your gaze away. he says a small hmph before walking away. you kept doing your work, finishing whatever dave asked you to do. eventually, you had a break and went outside for another smoke.

you heard the backdoor open slowly and shut just the same. you knew who it was, you didn’t even have to look. you felt joe walk closer, stopping a few feet away. you glance, catching a look at his costume in broad daylight. it looked just as hot as it did inside.

“are you okay?” joe asked. you nod.

“yeah. why?”

“you just.. you’re acting weird. ever since we kissed, you’ve been avoiding me and you didn’t even look at me when i was talking to you earlier..” you kept your head down, unable to say what was so clearly on your mind. “are you mad at me?”

“no! of coarse not! i just.. i dunno. i’m just not my normal self right now, you know?” he nods. he crossed his arms, subconsciously covering himself. “i think the costume looks great. sorry for not saying it earlier.”

“you think so?” he lit up, now smiling.

“yeah. you look really nice. can i say something? and promise you won’t laugh.” he agreed. “i wasn’t looking at you ‘cause i was worried i’d get hard.” you heard shuffling above you, but you decided to ignore it.

“really?” he beamed, clearly excited by the fact that you found him sexy. you nod. “i didn’t know people were into this stuff.. so you like this?”

the truth was, it wasn’t the outfit that turned you on; it was his body. the way it hugged every little curve perfectly and showed off parts of his body you never thought to notice. it showed how strong and sturdy his body is, contrasting his sweet gaze. it was whiplash, switching between eye contact to checking his body, going from an innocent little mormon boy to a strong man.

“yeah, i guess i do.” that was an easier answer. he nods, looking away. you flick your cigarette, glancing over his body again. “can i touch you?”

“hm?” you didn’t even mean for the question to come out, but with it now floating in the air, you committed.

“can i touch you? i think you look really nice and i.. i want to feel it.” you chewed on your lip as you waited for an answer. you glanced up above you, noticing the suspicious open window directly above the two of you. he looked around before taking your hand and leading you inside. as you two walked through the door, everyone looked before quickly averting their gaze. you blushed, narrowing your eyes as the entire crew acted busy while joe dragged you up the stairs and into a makeshift dressing room, which was just a bedroom with only a futon and different clothes hung up.

“where do you want to touch?” he asked, shutting the door behind you and locking. you glanced down his body, struggling to choose. deciding against answering, you instead responded by kissing him, pulling him close by the back of his neck and leading him to the futon.

as joe sat, you straddled him, legs planting on either side and holding him still. his hands moved to your waist, holding you as well. while his thumb rubbed circles onto your hip, you explored. your palms, sweaty from anxiety, squeaked over the material. he hummed.

“you look so good, baby..” he huffed as you felt over his chest, brushing over his nipples. “just can’t get enough of you, can i?”

he nods in agreement, unaware of the subtext. a subtle confession. you circle your hips, slowly grinding against him as he did before. he whined, fingers digging into your sides. you pull back from the kiss, glancing over him. his face was pink, rosy cheeks matching his flushed chest. his forearms tensed as he moved your hips himself, frustrated by your recess.

“you’re just too much.” another quick confession that could be covered up. you tried to stay professional, avoiding any hint of your true feelings, but you weren’t sure joe would notice if you were being obvious.

one of your hands wandered to his face, holding his jaw and cheek before returning to the kiss. it felt just as intimate and experimental as the first time. joe gripped your hips, still pushing and pulling. your brushed his nipple again, making him whimper. you pull away, looking at him.

“can i touch you here? is it okay?” you gave a little pinch to make the message a little clearer. he whines, nodding. you closed the gap, hand moving away from his jaw and to the straps of his costume. you slowly undressed him, studying how every touch felt. his arm lifted, letting you take it off. his skin was smooth, gentle and soft in contrast with the muscles underneath.

you removed the other strap, moving it low enough to expose his chest. you nearly drooled at the sight. the shock made you realize how little you’ve seen of him. even though you’ve seen his most private area, you still didn’t get the privilege to see the rest of him. his shoulders tensed, shy under your gaze.

“you look so pretty,” you hum. he nods, reassured. considering you were ‘straight’ only a month ago, you were shocked by how infatuated you were. his chest flushed, rising and falling slowly as he looked over you at the same time. his hands moved under your shirt, exploring your skin. you buried your face in his neck, moaning into his flesh as he massaged. you kissed, licking over the muscle and causing him to squirm.

“off..” he mumbled, pulling at your shirt. you pull back and he lets go of the material. you chuckle, leading his hands back to the hem.

“if you want it off, you gotta take it off.” he makes eye contact, expression nervous and seeking approval. you nod. he lifts the shirt over your head and looks at your abdomen. he stares.

“you’re skinny.” you start to laugh, which makes him shy. “no, i didn’t- you’re shirt..”

“it’s fine, baby.” he’d never seen you with a shirt or pants that actually fit, usually 2 or 3 sizes too big. he was confused by it, you could tell by the fact that he offered to give you extra shirts he had that would fit better when you first met him. his hands found their way to your waist. he squeezed, making you squirm and giggle.

“you’re ticklish?” he grinned. you shook your head, straightening your expression and pushing his hands off.

“nah, man. i’m not-“ he grabbed at your sides again. you whined, trying to wiggle away as one of his arms wrapped around your hip and held you still. you pushed against his chest as he smiled up at you. he let go after a few seconds.

“you’re such a liar!” he giggled as you complained. you felt a twinge in your chest, guilt burning for just a moment before he kissed you again, cutting off your rambling. a small smile formed, melting into his touch as he started to unbutton your jeans. your hands hovered over his, waiting for him to go for your sides again, but he was far too focused on what was in your pants.

you reached for his chest again, making him whine as he touched your cock over your boxers. he was gentle, almost scared to hurt you or make you uncomfortable. you grind into his hand with a moan, confirmation to keep going. you stayed attached to his chest, circling his areola. he shivered, bringing a smile to your face.

“you sensitive there?” you teased. he nodded, head kept low as he moaned. he touched you the same way you did him, trying to mimick each move in the same order. his thumb rubbed just under the tip, you moaning in response. “come on, baby. touch me. please?”

he obeys, sliding your boxers low enough to expose you to him. he stared for a few seconds, watching as you twitched in his palm. you whined, pinching his nipple to make him move. he moaned, his cock now twitching from within his suit.

“why don’t you touch yourself, too?” you suggested. he glanced up as you took a hold of his hand, tracing over each indent on his palm. “you got big hands, i’m sure you can hold both at the same time.”

he nods, also pulling his pants just low enough to expose himself. you bit your lip at the sight, watching him pull your hips closer. he hooked his thumb onto his cock before taking a hold of yours, pressing them together. you moan as he moves his hand slowly. he nodded, taking your moan as verbal encouragement and quickly jerking both of you off.

your hips bucked, thrusting into his fist every so often as you fondled his chest. you buried your face in his neck, licking the skin before attaching your lips. he moaned, his free hand grabbing onto your bicep. you pinched again.

“there.. just like that.” you moan into his mouth, mumbling praises as he sped up, desperation taking over sensuality. you whined as he moved away from your lips, pressing his face into your shoulder. he moaned rythmically, just as you did. you lifted his chin, pushing his head back before dipping down.

he gasped when you licked over his nipple, teeth grazing over it as he grabbed onto your hair. he twitched, the jump made evident by your touching cocks. you moaned as well, the brief friction taking you by suprise. you suckled on his breast, just like you did to girls. he whined as you did so, unable to decide between watching and throwing his head back in pleasure.

“i’m.. i think i’m close-“ joe whined, gripping harder as he did the same to your cocks, desperately moving up and down. you moan at the admission.

“you think you can wait for me?” he nearly wailed, making you smile against his chest.

“pleaseee..”

“kiss me. i’ll cum faster if you kiss me.” he quickly grabbed onto your hair, pulling you up and pressing his lips to yours. you melted, openly moaning into his mouth as you throbbed within his grip. he kept pulling, remembering how much you loved it before. he took advantage of it, yanking at your locks passionately.

before you knew it, you were cumming all over your own bare chest and his latex costume. he moaned as you did, rushing to catch up and cum at the same time. he succeeded, pulling your hair one last time as his hips stuttered against his own fist. it was overwhelming. his hand in your hair, fist squeezing your cocks together as it moved, his lips against yours. it was all too much.

you whined, softening in his grip as he slowly lets go. he whimpered, too. your cocks lazily pressed together, just barely overstimulating both of you. you finally pull away, ending the kiss. he looked up at you, pupils blown and eyes wide.

“what?” you ask, wondering why he looked at you that way. his expression didn’t change as his eyes flicked between each of your features.

“i know you’re a boy but..” he trails off. his hand reached up to your face, his thumb running over each of his favorite features. he parted your lips, noting their reddish hue after kissing, before caressing your cheeks while looking into your eyes. it was intimate, letting someone caress your face while pointing out their favorite features with each touch. you flushed under his gaze. “you’re pretty.”

“you think so?” you didn’t mean to ask the question, it slipping out before you could catch it. you voice was soft, barely above a whisper. he nods. you felt hot, heat suddenly overwhelming you as he looked away from your eyes and studied your features ahain. there’s a moment where both of you watch eachother, you being too scared to even think about what he meant. eventually, you pulled apart and cleaned up.

filming felt awkward now. for some reason, it felt like everyone was watching you. filming ended and while joe usually left soon after wrapping, he stayed behind, waiting for you to leave. at first, you didn’t understand why he’d stay, but he quickly made it clear as he made conversation.

“i’m hungry. do you want to get something after you’re done? my treat!” he smiled at you. you agree absentmindedly. “can we get mcdonalds? i heard the big mac’s good!”

“you heard?” you chuckle as he confirms. “so you’ve never been to mcdonalds?”

“no. my mom always cooked for us ‘cause that’s what a woman is supposed to do.” you grimace.

“you know, women can do other things, right?”

“yeah, but that’s what my mom and dad always said.” you decide to leave it there, too tired to explain feminism to him. you were frustrated anyway, considering you were left alone to clean up all by yourself. you assumed most of the actors left, but the film crew should be helping disassemble everything. you knew the lazy assholes maxxx hired as help usually fucked off and waited for you to finish, but at least dave would help. even he was nowhere to be seen.

joe stayed behind as you did a final sweep to make sure everything was reset. you found one of the doors shut and a distant rumble of voices behind it, a suspicious sight considering you assumed everyone was gone. you opened, slowly poking your head in and finding the entire crew, actors included, standing around yelling at eachother.

“no, dude! did you see the way they were looking at eachother? they’re totally fucking!” a voice called back, continuing a conversation you missed the first half of.

“man’s looks in love! they’re totally dating!” a girl spoke up.

“why not both? you’re acting like it’s one or the other!” you stepped in, shutting the door behind you as you entered.

“i swear! they were flirting outside and y/n was complimenting him!” you furrowed your brow, just barely recognizing your name in the sea of words.

“i just don’t see him as the type.. i mean he doesn’t even look gay. also, didn’t he fuck ava?”

“he probably likes both, dude. dave likes guys and girls, too.”

“he’ll fuck anything as long as it has a pulse. either way, joe’s the queer one of the two.” joe? why were they talking about him? you glared at the man who said it, who quickly realized you were listening in and stopped talking.

“what’s going on?” you asked slowly, watching as a few people held their hands behing their back. you stepped forward, looking at the producer, who turned with you to avoid showing his backside. “what are you holding?”

“uhhh…” you grabbed for his wrist, making a 100 dollar bill fall to the ground. you paused, staring at the cash as some people snuck out of the room. “why are you holding that?”

“y/n, it’s fine.” dave spoke up, directing your attention towards him. he was sat at a fold up table, a shoebox next to him along with a clipboard with multiple columns and rows. “it’s just a friendly little bet. gotta keep morale up, right?”

“what’s the bet?” at this point, the room was almost fully empty as everyone escaped. you and dave stared at eachother, him smiling innocently. he looked away for a second, fiddling with the corner of the paper.

“i just want to preface by saying, i didn’t tell anyone anything.” you furrowed your brow, only getting more confused. he slid over the clipboard. on the paper, you four columns, each labeled.

not gay | fucking | dating | both.

the worst part was, fucking was the most betted. you stared, mouth agape. “everyone saw you eyeing up joe the last couple of times you worked together, so when people started talking, i told them to put their money where their mouth is. most people thought you just had a fat crush on joe, but lily said she saw you guys flirting outside, which kinda skewed the vote.. everyone wanted to change their votes, but rules are rules. they know they can’t-“

“you’re fucking with me, right?” he paused before shaking his head. “how long has this been going on?!”

“yeah, well, people noticed how you changed your shirt in the middle of filming and how you stared at him. not to mention the fact that he’s waiting for you to finish putting everything away so you could go out. there’s actually a lot of proof. he keeps dragging you off into his dressing room, you spaced out when you first saw him in that costume..”

you stared in disbelief, unable to even find an excuse. everyone was watching. everyone knew you liked him and everyone assumed he liked you. you felt sick. the idea of the entire crew and a legion of pornstars betting on yours and joe’s queerness made you ill.

“obviously, i’m the bookie because it’d be cheating for me to vote since.. you know.” you cringed. “but it’s all for fun! i promise there isn’t any malicious intent.”

“you’re making a bet off of me and joe being gay, that sounds pretty malicious.” dave shrugged.

“it’s not out of ill-will. it’s just a fun bet-“

“about me and joe being gay?”

“yes!” you scoff, grabbing onto your hair and groaning.

“you have to call it off, dude. if joe finds out-“

“he’s not gonna find out-“

“if joe finds out,” you emphasize. “he’s gonna freak out.”

“how do you know? he seems pretty into you. he probably thinks you guys are already dating.” you rolled your eyes at the assumption.

“joe just got ex-communicated. if he finds out that what we’re doing is gay..” dave laughed, a large grin spreading as he held onto his chest.

“what? he really believes that bullshit you spew about just being friends?!” you glared, ready to argue back before he interrupted. “i know you think you know joe well, but be honest with yourself. you barely know the dude outside of sex, how would you know how he feels about being gay. did he ever mention the idea of being gay as a bad thing?”

you stayed quiet, realizing that no, he hadn’t said being gay is a bad thing. even when he questioned it, he never said it was wrong. he called it a sin once, but he easily could have meant masturbation. you looked away.

“maybe try talking to him. you know, not about how hot he looks in latex.” you flushed. “ava said you two were gonna go out to get something to eat, so you got the perfect opportunity. bring him to mcdonalds, get him some shitty nuggets and a big mac, large fry too, and ask him about himself. spend some time together. actually do something that doesn’t involve sex.”

you glared, genuinely angry at dave for assuming what you knew about joe. you hands trembled a bit before you huffed and walked off. you stormed down the stairs and found joe, sat cross-legged on the ground, poking around at some of the cameras. he jumped back when he saw you, quickly putting it back into place.

“oh, hey! did you see everyone? i thought they all left and they came down the steps, but they were acting all weird. did you talk to th-“

“let’s go.” you grabbed his hand, practically dragging him towards your car. “what do you want from mcdonalds? you said a big mac, right?”

“oh, uhhh.. i heard the nuggets are good-“

“whatever you want. you can get nuggets, a burger, a fuckin’ mcrib, i don’t care. it’s on me.” joe nods, following quickly as you opened the car door for him. he thanks you and you quickly get in on the other side, rushing to the nearest mcdonalds.

there was a few minutes of silence, you too angry to start speaking and him feeling the rage radiating off of you. you tried to think of an ice breaker. it was awkward, realizing that dave was right. you didn’t know anything about joe. you knew what he looked like and where he liked to be touched, but nothing personal. you cleared your throat.

“so.. tell me about yourself.”

he did. he talked about his childhood, being a middle child with 5 siblings. he talked about his mom, how she loved cooking and he always wanted to help, but she’d shoo him off and say it was a womans job. he talked about being mormon, what growing up was like within the mormon faith, he even mentioned a girl he was supposed to marry before they broke up. he also talked about what he liked and what he wanted to do. turns out, he always thought video games were cool, which started a conversation about your playstation and the games you had.

you got several things from mcdonalds, creating a buffet for the two of you when you got back to your place. you showed him the games you talked about and taught him how to play tony hawk’s pro skater 2. he loved it and you did too. both of you fell asleep on the couch, him laying on your chest while you played, mumbling to him about techniques, even though he was clearly unconscious. the next day, you hung out some more. you made breakfast together, went out to the mall together, got lunch together. it was amazing and by the end of the day, joe stood awkwardly outside your car door, fingers twiddling.

“so.. i’ll see you again, right?” you nod. he looks down. you took what dave said to heart, refusing to have sex with him during your time spent. you were sure that’s what he was thinking about. he had fun, but the one thing you two were comfortable doing was excluded.

“if you want to come by, just let me know. i had fun.” joe nods. there’s a moment of silence, only the crickets chirping making noise. he circles your car, going to the driver side. you roll down the window. “what are you-“

he kissed you. a quick peck like a couple would do before parting. he pulled away, taking in your features for a split second before rushing to his car and leaving. you flushed. maybe he did like you.

[cerealandchoccymilk]

Trigun Bookclub: Trigun Vol.1, Chapter #06

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I’m doing a deep-read of the Japanese original print (reread) and Overhaul 1.0 (first read) side-by-side, and writing down everything I notice from small details, version differences, translation differences, etc.

Here are the non-analysis meow meow panels (only 2 today, sorry 😔)

And the rest is under the cut.

[link for if the images aren’t in horizontal rows]

I really love the "train conductor/bus driver/etc puts themself in danger to protect the passengers" trope- NOOOOOOOOOO COOL CONDUCTOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Small correction: These first onomatopoea are actually...flesh sounds...... And I wasn't really thinking about corrections for this one, more just for nuance, but Neon says something like "it's unfortunate, but..." in this line.

A small difference here: in my version it's actually CO2, not oxygen that's being supplied to the Heat Plant. However, considering that O2 is a fuel for combustion and CO2 is a byproduct, it may be an error on Nightow's part.

This is one of the first indications of who Kaito actually is. He knows all of this off the top of his head, which catches the Captain by surprise.

It also provides information about Plants. This could either mean that all Plants require some kind of fuel, or that the Plants can utilize those resources in some other way to help the Sandsteamer.

Get graphited idiot.

We also get to see more of Kaito's attachment to this Sandsteamer.

Here, the original line is more like "Why would Brilliant Dynamites Neon have to listen to you when this treasure—the prey I've been hunting—is right in front of me!?"

This is where I notice that Neon has a sort of obsession with "beauty," not just in the regular sense but also in his own way. He obviously values visuals—his over-the-top fashion and desire to go out with a bang—but to him, it's also a question of dignity. (this will be on the exam yall)

Even the gang member is getting worried about what Neon might do to Kaito... And here's where we find out why Kaito knows so much and wants to protect the Sandsteamer!

Notes on the original phrasing of this line, since I saw a few posts comparing the Dark Horse and Overhaul versions.

The Japanese line is「パッと散りな　小僧」 パッ(pa') is an onomatopoea for "pop," "poof," or a release (e.g. letting go of an object). 散る(chiru, used here in command form) means "scatter," most commonly associated with falling cherry blossom petals. From that, it's also a euphemism for dying. i can go on for another paragraph on the association of cherry blossoms with Japanese views on life/death but you can figure that out. or google it idk

I think this line is another excellent representation of Neon's values on beauty and death.

I love this page so much!! The flow comes to a complete stop, and the tension that has been building throughout the last few pages is at its peak here. The composition is also excellent. The art is symmetrical, and Neon's giant outfit follows the lines leading from the bottom corners of the page up to Vash's gun, where they intersect right in the middle. I JUST LOVE THESE KINDS OF COMPOSITIONS SO MUCH.....

can't remember why i wrote "sike" there

It took a while to figure out what happened here, but I think Vash either sensed danger or actually dodged a bullet, and chose to jump back out. Love the way he's firmly holding Kaito's overalls while Kaito doesn't understand anything that's going on lol

The silly goofies... theyre screaming crying shitting themselves out there....

It's a bit hard to see, but Kaito is screaming "AAAHHH PULL ME UPPP" in the middle panel.

This exchange after the two get to safety is also so silly... There's a missing "whrrrr drill drill" SFX for Vash's drill hand (?). I saw a photo of the Dark Horse version which was missing it in the same way, with the leftover ン on Vash's cheek.

I forgot to highlight it, but this note pertains to Vash's second speech bubble about death and destruction. The Japanese version of the line is something like "I swear!! I have at least 2 digits' worth of death-gods(死神) or poverty-gods(貧乏神) haunting me!!" Death-gods/shinigami are already well-known in the West so I won't explain that here. The second one, poverty-god/binbōgami, is a similar kind of thing, except it brings poverty to whoever it clings onto (instead of death). Fun fact: Binbōgami are said to like yakimiso (grilled miso paste).

VASH'S SOUPY BRAIN!!! The mystery has been solved!!!

But first, in order... Vash's first line is more like "We can't be worrying about all this right now." It could keep the original phrasing, but the main idea is to change "me" to "us."

The next (most important) line is actually "We gotta save brainpower [for the matter at hand]." The confusion lies in the word 脳みそ, which literally translates to "brain miso," but is actually the word for brain tissue, and thus brainpower. It has nothing to do with miso soup! The origin I wrote in the middle-left of the image is...dubious.... I told my mom about this just now, and she mentioned that it might be called that because みそ(miso) also means the center or key aspect of something. Weblio also says it signifies innards (like from crab or shrimp), similar to what I wrote in the annotation at first. I'll fix it in the document later

Also, I would phrase the last line as "I mean, we're gonna stop this ship, right!?"

Kaito's skills are actually insane. What do you mean you just copied the entire blueprint... Mistranslation: The respect is directed towards his dad, so it should be "You must really look up to your dad."

I didn't know his name was spelled Kaite in this version. My Japanese version copy has that bottom part in a regular speech bubble, and with the font for the boxes. It's most likely just a version-exclusive error. He also says that his dad "found" the ship, but I'm not sure if that's another error or not since this translation makes more sense.

This line is phrased more like "Just for a little bit of cash, I'm now taking advantage of you for a deal with a crook."

I really loved the execution of this scene in the '98 anime. get hammered into the ground boy The final line is from Kaito, not Vash, and should be "...Yeah!!"

And that’s it for Chapter #06! Sorry for the wait, I couldn't work on this as much as I'd liked because of the smoke and rainstorm, combined with weekend responsibilities. Feeling better now though 💪 As always, the Japanese annotations are in the reblogs.

~~~

Bonus: reactions to the soupy-brained Vash post

[manicpixieginger]

Ta-ta

I’ve had a fun time on this blog, written some fanfiction, met a couple of complete lunatics and even more cool and kind ppl. My cool mutuals know who they are. At the end of the day I’ve definitely moved out of the phase of my life where this blog served me - I’ve moved away from texting odd strangers who’d never truly know me and vice versa through the night in the same way I’d’ve texted an AI bc I was stressed and lonely and using my interests and hyperfixations to dodge reality. The truth is this blog was rlly my outlet of unhealthy coping mechanisms during a shitty period of abt 9 months, starting from the end of August last year until around April or May. I made some truly shitty decisions (for myself, not morally) and kept unhealthy company when my life was in disorder and I was unhappy which just spiralled me more and more into chaos and encouraged the wrong kind of behaviour in me and towards me from the wrong kinds of ppl. In the last few months I’ve finally pulled myself out of it, figured out it doesn’t matter bc that’s not me, that’s not who I am, this internet persona was just disingenuous shells of parts of me I chose to share. I’ve learned a lot of shit and the best way to handle and carry myself. I know now not to give people an inch because they’ll take a mile and feel entitled to me or like they know me better than myself, I know how much to share of myself, and I know that some people just can’t be helped from their own self destructive lonely abyss, but I can help myself. It rlly looks like my life is starting now, I have a solid and stable group of friends, a good relationship and exciting things are happening for me. My self esteem is better, I have things going for me and people who love me and push me forward. I’ve going to completely cleared this blog save for this post, which might stay up a little while. I’m putting it in the past and sometimes that means leaving something as it is, as a time capsule and sometimes that means putting it into near complete nonexistence, leaving it in the past of nothingness where it belongs. The less of it that’s here the less tempted I’ll feel to come back to it and pull myself back into the chronically online abyss I’ve seen swallow up lots of other people. Idk, I made one set of mistakes w one person and came out fine and then proceeded to make them again with another person who turned out to be crazier and lingered and lingered and now I’ve learned my lesson lol. Im just glad I knew better not to give so much access to some of the ppl I spoke to. I’m still very much into my shit, my dumb Brad Pitt movies and my music, but I just have other avenues to express my passion for them now, Taking control of my life kind of means taking control of what of me is accessible to anyone, including this blog. My fanfiction will stay up, and I will continue to post sporadically on a new blog for which I’ve given access to the right people. My fics will stay up but I don’t really have the drive to write them anymore as I’m on to bigger and better. I’m just rlly glad there was a chain of events where I started to come to my senses and see just how chronically online some of the ppl I allowed in my circle were, how unwell and unhappy and in denial they were. I don’t really care if anyone cares, but if anyone’s ever wondering where that chick who wrote the Shosanna gets revenge fic went, she’s gone off to do her own thing.

[kohakhearts]

deeply curious abt mentally ill timeskip goh and his ditto. but for some reason mostly his hair??? did he grow it out on purpose? does he take care of it? just brush and go or does he use products? not important or something he takes pride in?? idk why

hi anon thank you SO much for asking!!

(ok so disclaimer the premise of this timeskip is like what i think would be a natural future scenario for the characters. most of my fics are AUs so essentially unrelated, but in terms of designs and stuff this is kind of what i’m playing with in those fics too. the short answer to the hair thing is i just think it’s neat. but dw there’s also a long answer :p)

“mentally ill timeskip goh” is perfect btw. that’s him in a nutshell. if he’s not mentally ill what’s the fucking point /j

i think that goh is someone who, in canon, uses his ambitions as a distraction from things that actually upset him - i mean, we see him as a kid from his parents’ perspective so invested in research that he barely acknowledges when they say they won’t be home for the holidays because they have to work, but his own memory of the same scene is coloured with a little more emotion lol. so we get the impression that he tries hard for his parents’ sakes to be unbothered by their lifestyle. i wrote about how goh is a quintessential parentified child here and doing that to your kid is basically just asking for them to grow up to become a neurotic workaholic which is why He’s Like That. but in canon meeting ash opens him up to other opportunities - where he is valued and appreciated by someone who, like him, is so driven by his goals he’s willing to. you know. jump on the back of a a giant god-bird mid-flight.

but then he and ash go separate ways. and even though goh comes out of their shared time together every day a little more friendly and open, he’s still himself, right??? so while ash is off journeying, i think goh would eventually take more of a gary path where he does stay in one place for an extended amount of time in order to further his education (as an aside, at this time gary is between kalos and hoenn studying primal reversion). he tries the ash thing first, but it’s not the same on his own. using his goal of catching every pokemon as a distraction from the fact that he gets lonely without ash only works so well. but he’d rather eat his own arm than admit that to anyone, let alone ash (who keeps in touch…to an extent), so he eventually pivots and seeks out other opportunities. one of those opportunities results in a cerulean cave expedition where he meets his ditto, whose goal is stirring as much shit as it possibly can and as a result it’s very talented at transformations. i don’t have the whole story there figured out yet, but for one reason or another ditto decides to go with goh (who is very impressed by its ability, and sees that it could be a huge asset to his research).

goh’s field of research is pokemon genealogy - quite literally working his way up to mew! (as a result, he winds up consulting frequently with gary, who is a pokemon palaeontologist. so they’re not actively coworkers but they still work together. here are your crumbs shigegou nation.) ditto is the perfect research assistant because its transformations are a cellular reconstruction. so yes it can transform into any other pokemon but it can also in theory transform into any other pokemon moved-slightly-to-the-left. meaning that it can replicate less evolved (in the real-world definition of evolution, not the pokemon definition) versions of pokemon based on models and simulations.

but going back to the being lonely thing, that’s why he got the early 20s depression beam LOL (imo there are other things wrong with him but thats a whole other essay). his hair getting long initially is just a result of never getting it cut (first because he’s travelling and doesn’t have time for that, then because he’s “too busy” in general) but i think he’d come to like it because it’s easier to manage in the sense that he can just pull it back and ignore it lmao. also it’s a little Gender and i think he would grow to appreciate that quality. so it’s not something he takes pride in necessarily but i don’t think he’d have any kind of dramatic “i’m not too depressed to cut my hair anymore” moment or anything. he doesn’t have the patience to style it himself but i think he’d be willing to let chloe tackle it now and then!

[tiredmamaissy]

hey, i want to get into writing but like idk how 😭 like how would i even start it off, how to finish, how to write smut? yk but i wanted to ask u bcs ur so good at it, so maybe u could help😋😋, perfectly okay if u don’t 😭

Hey! Thank you so much :').

I'm flattered that you're even asking me this question.

I honestly have no specific way of writing! (not that I'm aware of at least). I kind of feel like my writing is forever changing. When I wrote 'neteyam's first rut' (first post) I had the idea in my head for like days. One night I was like 'I literally can't keep this in my head any longer'. So I wrote it out, in no specific way/style of writing and did a quick proofread and decided:

"hey, why not post this shit? lol people probably won't even see it. and then i won't have this filthy smut in my hard drive for people to find when i'm dead (not even joking, this was literally what was going through my head.)"

But since I feel like my writing has changed a bit, hopefully not too drastically or out of character. Of course I've also gotten a little more comfortable on this site, too. :)

My experience with writing goes back to high school and university. I majored in a 'soft science', as they like to call it. Did tons and tons of research papers (way too fucking many to give it a number). So all I can really say about that is the more you write the easier it becomes - kind of like a muscle memory? Eventually it just flows out of you. Also reading. Reading helps ya know, the more you read the more you're exposed to other styles of writing, vocabulary, the whole shabang. Like @lovemyavatar, I love her style of writing, literally obsessed (and she knows it, hehe.)

I'd say write when you're motivated, inspired - driven. Or else it'll kind of dull the sparkle and take the fun out of it (wasn't fun writing any of those papers). So when an idea pops up, just go for it. Don't even think about grammar, vocabulary, etc. Just get that shit out of your system. You can always go back, fix any errors, and change things up - switch out a word with another, rephrase a sentence (or a paragraph or two), change up the plot - whatever you see fit. If I'm mid-washing the dishes and I get an idea I'll stop and make a quick voice note or a note in my phone.

As for starting and finishing, hmm. These are good questions, because I kind of feel like there's no standard or set way to start or finish literature. It all depends on what you're writing about and what your intentions are with it. What are you trying to portray? How do you want the reader to feel? What tense do you want to write in/most appropriate? What's your plot, if any? Where does it take place? What tone of voice do you want to use? How do you plan to differentiate the characters? I like to imagine the character's voice in my head actually saying the phase, or ask myself if Neteyam/Lo'ak would really say this.

For example I did a double POV for the first time, and when researching about it the article said "...you should be able to flip to a random page, read a couple sentences, and know which character is speaking." Which is so true. So I tried to keep that in mind, and focus on the characters development and make their voices more distinct.

I read a Lo'ak one-shot on here and a lot of people (including me) wanted a part two - I'm assuming so we could get some sort of closure/feel better/happy ending. But, the authors intention was to portray him in a dark light - to hurt the reader so to speak. So well-written and I really love their other work, too.

As for smut 👀. I'm honestly still new to this so I'm learning as I go. I love to consume smut so that has definitely helped - seeing other people and what terms and vocabulary they use. Overall, I just try to be very descriptive, so that the reader can really immerse themselves into the scene and feel what their character is supposed to be feeling. I try not to go overboard with the words though, because that can take away from it at times. For example, I wrote about a fight scene with Neteyam and Auzo (in 'with my life') and I kept it short and simple - "He throws a punch to his jaw, knocking him off his feet." type of shit.

I also do some research (lool thought I was done with the research life). My google searches are riddled with "synonym for..." "how to describe [this action] in writing". No shame in doing your research. There are a few blogs on this site that actually help out in regards to basic knowledge of coitus, cunnilingus, fellatio etc. as well as other sites, too! They list descriptive words, alternatives to 'she said' (lool i eat those up), other do's and don'ts.

And of course, I do some research about the na'vi. I try to make it somewhat realistic, especially with the fic I posted 'with my life' (longest one to date). I did some deep digging on their website about the 'first blood' ritual, and just other simple information about the flora and fauna of the planet.

This is my favourite source of information for smut.

Out of all the sources I've read, this is the best one so far. If I'm ever in a stump, or I feel like I need a better fitting word - I'll refer to this. This author also includes some really good points about sex, down to first times, anal - the whole works.

This is my favourite source of information for avatar.

I hope this helped somewhat and that I was able to answer your question! If you do get into writing, and you do decide to post it, I'd love to read it.

Sorry this is kind of lengthy, I have an issue with overwriting, and overall just talking too much. lmao

~ issy 💜

[golbrocklovely]

I'm confused, what exactly did Stas do?

i made a whole post about this a while ago, but i'll rehash it as quickly as i can here lol

some of this is hearsay and some of this is actual stuff that happened, just fyi.

stas, at one point or another between 2021-22, had been in gcs with fans talking about colby. i had an anon on here years ago claim that she admitted to a group of fans that she was in love with colby. idk how true that was, so i deleted that asks. but that was at the very beginning of her coming around in the fandom. i've also had ppl claim that she was talking about snc/colby way back in 2019, which was the first time she came around but only briefly.

so you have the gcs, liking ship edits, posting content of her and colby behind a paywall (bc she knew ppl would sign up for it if there was extra content of him and her), answering questions about colby when fans would asks questions about him, ect. that was some of the initial stuff she did.

what became a problem was, especially in 2022 when the core four was a thing, she actively made it more and more apparent that she and colby were "a thing". problem is, he wasn't dating her. he was literally hooking up and hanging out with someone else for the past year and half, someone i've dubbed on here six flags girl. hell, there was even another girl in the mix, pumpkin girl. but she was only here for like a week or so.

he had been on and off with six flags girl throughout 21-22. he literally took SFG on a date WITH sam, kat, abbey, and stas. but stas was doing her damnest to make it seem as if her and him were having something going on. when they all went to europe, she posted a vid from his room, essentially making it seem like him and her were sharing a room (when they weren't bc her shit wasn't even in the room). and also, and this is something alleged that idk if it actually happened but it seems possible, that she was sharing where they were all going to fans on her subscription service which is why certain fans were able to find them easily while in europe. on top of that, her mom was also sharing stuff to fans on facebook (and insta i think) so fans were also able to use the pics she was posting to find them. and all of this is a huge safety risk, which is why i hold it as a main issue i had with her at one point.

the catalyst to what i think caused a rift between stas and colby to occur was malishkagate lol

during tomorrowland, a festival they were all at, colby posted a video of stas dancing and at the bottom it said "malishka" which means baby or babygirl in russian. thing to note about stas is she speaks russian. however, colby doesn't. so it's very obvious that she wrote out malishka on his snap and posted it. and when that got posted (on top of a pic that was on his insta story of her face zoomed in which clearly was taken by her) all of sudden a bunch of fans believed that they were now dating. mind you, they all have terrible cell service at tomorrowland, so most likely colby didn't even see how fans were reacting to anything until basically the next day.

and fans were LOSING IT on twitter. i'm talking ppl were congratulating them on "finally" admitting to dating. stas even liked tweets talking about the malishka thing. some fans were claiming that they "knew all along that they were dating and it was nice to finally see them admit it". and a good chunk of these fans were fans OF stas/were close to her.

mind you… none of that happened. colby never came out and said they were dating, but stas made it seem like that's what was happening, just in her own vague way. and also none of the fans that congratulated them ever took back what they said when it became extremely apparent that they weren't dating.

the almost last time colby and stas hung out was right before snc and kat moved to vegas and had just gotten back from europe. stas posted on her subscription service that she was getting ready for a date, and then later that night posted something with colby, or he posted something with her. however, they didn't go on a date. there was a whole big group of them that hung out (without kat and sam) so clearly… she lied, again, trying to make it seem like her and colby had something going on.

after that, it seemed like everyone kept their distance from stas. kat ignored questions about her, colby started removing comments about her (and shea) from his tiktoks, and stas started tweeting out vague things and saying she felt abandoned and also started up her poetry insta where she wrote about (most likely) colby. she hung out with colby and all of his friends on new years of 2022, and then a couple days later when it was their bday, since her and colby have the same bday, he went and hung out with shea while everyone else celebrated with stas. so….. clearly things were still muddy even then.

things seem fine now. they all seemed to be on good terms with one another. but yeah… she pushed too hard to make it seem like her and colby were dating or had something going on. my thing is, is it possible that something happened between them? sure. but it was also very obvious that whatever it was never got off the ground like she made it seem like it was. so it annoys me to this day how many of her fans and just fans in general take her side just bc she's the one that had feelings for him. he would have been an asshole to reciprocate feelings he didn't have. idk why ppl can't understand that lol

[xilianx]

AO3 ASK GAME DO THEM ALL DO THEM ALL NEOW ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! 💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥 (pls)

I AM...SO LATE AHHHH IM FINALLY GETTING THROUGH THESE I'M SO SORRY!!!

Just saw these 20 Questions for Fic Writers and decided I wanted to do it so ....... here it is! Lmao.

How many works do you have on AO3?

20!

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

513,741 words…oh lawd

3. What fandoms do you write for?

I’ve written for Godzilla in the past but now I write just for Bayonetta! More will come eventually…if my hyperfixation can be dethroned lol

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

The Witch of Causality (Bayonetta 3 reimaging/re-work)

Some Words Left Unsaid (AncientBayonetta AU where shit almost went reaaaaally bad for BayoJeanne)

Down By The Red Poppies (Sequel fic to “Where the Lobelia Would Grow, more Bayonetta AU)

Where The Lobelia Would Grow (First ever fic I wrote for the Bayonetta fandom!)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes! I try to at least. I love getting comments on my fics (i mean, what fic author doesn’t???) And I love all the support that’s given and the fact someone takes time to leave me a comment, long or short, just makes my day 😭😭 I’m sorry to those who comment that I hadn’t replied too or haven’t too yet. I promise you I appreciate them so much ❤️

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Ooooooo….I wanna say either ‘Vessel’ or ‘Forgotten Visage’. Both have pretty harsh endings that only insulate that it leads to more pain later. ‘Vessel’ is just straight up a Soulsbourne boss style fight with all the tragedy of a Soulsbourne boss fight tied in, and ‘Forgotten Visage’ is just sad AU of what evil Balder was doing right after Rosa died…so yay, they don’t go anywhere sad. BUT IF I HAD TO CHOOSE….I’m gonna throw it at Vessel lol

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Idk if I’m gonna get some hate from certain oomfs from this, but I’m gonna say ‘Down By The Red Poppies’ has one of the happiest BECAUSE of everything that had happened to all the characters throughout the fic (And even the first fic!) and making it in the end. There was def a lot of hurt and pain and angst throughout Lobelia and Poppies, but I think the ending the fic made it all the worthwhile and despite the pain/tragedy, it’s gonna be okay 🥲

8. Do you get hate on fics?

No, not really. Not that I’ve ever seen!

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I have written smut ONCE!...It was the last half of one chapter out of a 117,000 word fic…HAVE I ATTEMPTED TO WRITE MORE SMUT SINCE, YES AND I AM NOT STRONG ENOUGH TO FINISH IT YET!! The smut in Red Poppies was my first ever smut and it was, like, tender and sweet?? But the Balrosa smut that I have a low simmer is def meant to embarrass that fucking twink lol

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

I haven’t, and don’t plan to!! Not my thing, to read or write.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I don’t think so, not that I am aware of…

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Another one that’s; if any of them are, I’m not aware of it!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, I haven’t done anything like that yet! Would be cool to do it, if given he chance!!

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

YOU ALREADY KNOW!!! BRING EM OUT, TOMMY:

15. What's the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Ohhhhhh hohohho hahaahah AHAHAHAHAAHAHAA!!! There’s so many lmao I have so many that are stuffed in folders and forgotten about. There’s a few multi-chapter ideas I wanted to try and do, but with Witch of Causality going on rn (and going on for awhile now) I doubt I’ll ever start them for long long time… (Chinese BayoJeanne AU fic based off of Causality, etc).

But if there is a KING of unfinished WIPS…it’s my now long forgotten Godzilla Final Wars fics from years prior. Sucks because I got to fic 3 out of the trilogy, but I’m just not in it anymore…wish I had the willpower to finish it, but alas, never will.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Lots of my oomfs say all my fight scenes actually ‘feel’ like what Bayonetta fights, so I wanna say I write fight scenes pretty well!! I would say characterization, but I’m only comfortable with a few, not all…

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

looks at long list of comments and notes from my beta reader for the the insane amount of grammatical errors, structure errors, and sentences that just make no sense uhhh….so yeah, I kinda fuck up the actual writing aspect a lot asdjkasdsda

But seriously, I think sometimes (at least for recent, larger fics), I’ve had to pull back on the amount of filler that’s not necessary or structure of a chapter to make it actually make sense…(THANK YOU KELS FOR YOUR CONTINUED SUPPORT, YOU KEEP SAVING MY ASS!!)

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I think if you’re not super well-versed in the language, definitely consult or check with someone who knows!! Or do a bit of digging, especially if you plan on using quite a bit of it!

19. First fandom you wrote for?

GODZILLA!!! Funny enough, I have literally only ever written fics for the Godzilla fandom and Bayonetta fandom. I have read quite a bit for other fandoms, but Godzilla is my dear yee ol faithful!! (Funny enough, it’s specifically only for Godzilla Final Wars as well lol)

20. Favorite fic you've ever written?

This one is actually hard…hmmm…It would have to be a tie between Lobelia/Red Poppies. I kinda put them in the same box, even tho they are 2 different fics. Honestly, it was just so fun coming in blind to a new fandom and just slapping together whatever I wanted to do because I really wanted to tell the story and had fun with it. I don’t even think it’s my best stuff, but damn nothing beats crashing into the Bayo fic community with a fic that just (spoilers) kills little Cereza in her own story and I have no regrets ASKJDSADHASDHA

THANK YOU FOR TAGGING ME IN THIS KELS!! I'm so late with this, and I feel like this has been tagged to other oomfs, so I will just leave this open to anyone who wants to do it!!