#if anybody is curious i can explain further

[nofomogirl]

We need to talk about body snatching

I'm not a massive fan of the 1827 minisode - if you're curious why it bothers me, I've explained it in my post about two GO canons - but there's no denying it does an amazing job at exploring the complexity of morality and moral choices. It starts with a very black-and-white two-dimensional image and gradually adds shading and perspective, making it harder and harder to judge as we go along.

I think it's worth digging into (pun not intended but I'll take it).

Layer 1: body snatching bad

We learn someone did something

It's those first few seconds where we see a person robbing a grave, and since we know that robbing graves is a crime and generally not a good thing to do, we can quickly form a tentative conclusion that this is wrong.

Okay, in this exact instance, we immediately get enough context clues to see that this kind of judgment would be oversimplistic and superficial. Only Aziraphale, who for some reason acts as if it was his first day on Earth after a thorough memory wipe, is ready to condemn Elspeth based on just that.

Nevertheless, this is the first layer - the deed itself with no context.

Layer 2: body snatching acceptable

We learn about the person who did the thing

That's the whole journey with the first dug-up body where we get to know Elspeth and become privy to her circumstances - she's desperately poor, she has another person depending on her, she robs graves to survive. Aziraphale's suggestions that she might earn her living by selling books, weaving or farming just serve to prove how inaccessible more honest and dignified professions are to her. In turn, her comment about how she's not hurting anybody who isn't already dead hints that from the realistically available options, Elspeth could have chosen something much worse.

Technically this layer is a significant step up from layer 1 but it still isn't really challenging. Things are spelt out really loud for us, and most importantly everything we learn about Elspeth is just attenuating circumstances. To top it off both she and Wee Morag are immediately endearing. The takeaway is that sometimes things that in theory are bad can be excused which is important but the verdict still comes without any second thoughts.

Layer 3: body snatching complicated

We learn the larger context around the thing

This mostly happens when Aziraphale and Crowley discuss body snatching with Mr Dalrymple. We learn that the stolen corpses are used for a medical study that can advance human knowledge and make it possible to save living people and that surgeons have no legal means to obtain enough of them for their research - hence their need to buy them from body snatchers.

At first glance it's just more of what we got in layer 2 - more agruments in favour of body snatching that aren't all that nuanced and don't really give us any pause - just from a larger perspective, beyond Elspeth's individual experience. But if you glance more than once you'll notice this is when things stop being straightforward and easy to judge.

The moment we enter a proper grey area is when Aziraphale asks why Mr Dalrymple doesn't acquire the bodies himself. This is a very valid question - while we might easily agree that studying the human body to further medical knowledge is a good thing, and with just the slightest hesitation admit that it's acceptable to resort to using stolen bodies if that is the only way the research may continue, it's not as easy to excuse taking advantage of the poor and the desperate to do the actual stealing that we know is very dangerous.

The moment we know without a doubt we are in a proper grey area is when Mr Dalrymple laughs at Aziraphale's concern.

Objectively, the surgeon is right that it's more effective if he doesn't risk his own life in the graveyard and uses his time on actual research, teaching students and saving lives. But it's also clear he doesn't exactly see people like Elspeth as actual human beings and feels he has every right to use them. On the one hand, he is paying, on the other, he happily benefits from the cruel class system and is not even one bit remorseful about it. On the one hand, he takes risks too, on the other he has a chance of rewards Elspeth will not benefit from. It's not the poorest whose lives will get bettered by the progress of medicine, even though they're the ones who pay with their lives for that progress. And if Mr Dalrymple gets lucky and is knighted for his work (we know he wasn't in the end but it was a possibility), the poor still won't be pardoned for stealing for him. Nevertheless, he has no issue with that.

As I said, things get nuanced.

Layer 4: it's different when it's someone you know

The thing actually happens in your life

I think you'll all agree that the turning point of the minisode is when Elspeth decides to sell Wee Morag's still warm body. This is what finally leaves us speechless.

That's because up until now we've been approaching the issue intellectually. It's not that we didn't care about the characters, but we were allowed to keep a safe distance. The whole thing was like a problem to be solved - "Is body snatching right or wrong? Discuss in 500-1000 words" - and everything we've learned so far was data for this assignment. I believe that one of the reasons why this detachment came naturally was that there was a very thick line between people involved in body snatching and the bodies that were being snatched. The former were, well, people, obviously. The latter were inanimate objects.

It isn't until Wee Morag is to be sold that we are forced to see a person in a dead body. This is also when real emotions enter the equation.

This shift forces us to question our judgment for the first time. It was easy to justify Elspeth when she was selling a nameless corpse. But the fact that she decided to sell her closest companion - and most likely lover - shocks us. Something inside us strongly objects to how quickly she makes the decision.

And then there's the transaction, and it is also different when it's someone we know. The fact that we knew Wee Morag fully exposes Mr Dalrymple for the heartless jerk that he is. The way he treats Elspeth is the absolute worst and if you haven't realized he was a hypocrite earlier, you should be disillusioned by now.

But at least Elspeth is not a hypocrite, right? It may seem cold that she sold Wee Morag but it just proves she simply believed it's all right to sell a dead body, doesn't it?

Well, about that...

Layer 5: it's different when it's you

You are forced to face the thing happening to you

This layer is reached when Elspeth plans her suicide and asks Aziraphale and Crowley to bury her "somewhere where no ghouls will ever dig her back up again".

It turns out Elspeth McKinnon really was a filthy liar.

Not long ago she was insisting that body snatching doesn't hurt anyone who isn't already dead, and asking why she should let Wee Morag rot in the ground when she starves. But she wants to make sure it doesn't happen to her own body. The idea that someone might dig her up terrifies her and she calls people who do it ghouls. So why was digging up other people okay again? Why should she rot in the ground while other people suffer? There were other people living in the street where she and Wee Morag hid. Why not ask Aziraphale to give the money to them? Or just anybody in need? Why not ask to sell her body as well and use the earnings the same way?

Also, if you look at it from a certain perspective, Elspeth betrayed Wee Morag in the worst possible way. Wee Morag believed that if someone's body gets cut, that person's soul cannot enter Heaven. Yet Elspeth sold her to Mr Dalrymple, claiming that Wee Morag would have wanted her to have the means to survive. Perhaps she was right. Perhaps Wee Morag would have made that sacrifice. But then Elspeth decided to kill herself and use the money she got for Wee Morag's body for her own funeral.

But does it make Elspeth wicked? Certainly not. She's simply torn by grief. I seriously doubt she's been planning to commit suicide when she was taking Wee Morag to Mr Dalrymple. She might have genuinely tried to carry on but the reality of what happened caught up to her. Mr Dalrymple's cruel words certainly didn't help her cope with a personal tragedy. I even suspect one of the reasons she sold her friend was that she had no idea what else to do with a dead body.

Does this excuse her actions? Kind of, but not really.

Elspeth was a tragic character, not an innocent lamb with a heart of gold.

The point is - can any of us really judge her?

Which, coincidentally, is a question that the original Good Omens book toyed with quite a lot.

If you've reached this far, thank you for reading!

[chelseasdagger]

Restoring Faith

Father Paul Hill x Reader

Summary: You pay Father Paul one of your midnight visits and he finds himself struggling with his sworn devotion

Warnings: religious themes, sacrilege, smut, oral over clothes (m!receiving)

Author’s Note: This is a late birthday present for @chellestrash​ , my true love of my life, and I hope I’ve done this little idea you love justice :’) I’m absolutely positive I didn’t make it sounds as pretty as some of the other fics, but I hope it will be alright :)

Word Count: 4k

The cold air sends a shiver down your spine as the gravel crunches beneath your feet. Wrapping your arms around yourself tighter, you keep your head down to protect your face from the wind. You follow the path that connects the great big church to the smaller house just behind it, the trail only visible due to the moonlight pouring down from above.

You’re no idiot, you’re aware anybody could see your somewhat frequent visits to see him. However, you convinced yourself that it was okay to go, so long as you waited past midnight to take the trip. Whether it was actually a valid excuse was a whole other subject. One you didn’t particularly want to think of and potentially use to talk yourself out of doing this.

Stepping up the old, creaky stairs of the small porch, you give one last glance over your shoulder to the abandoned street the church faces. There’s not a person in sight and you raise your hand to knock on the wooden door.

It opens after a moment and you smile at the sight of the priest in front of you. He’s dressed completely in black, excluding the stark white collar that frames his neck. You can’t help your eyes from giving him a quick once over, taking in the dark button up shirt tucked into the form fitting slacks that drape down his legs. His voice calling your name brings your gaze back to his face.

“How…,” he trails off, craning his neck higher and looking past you, “how can I help you?” His greeting is stiff, and you know he’s worried about curious eyes possibly seeing you here. You can’t fight the way your lips pull into a smirk at the idea of him already getting nervous.

“I just had a question, Father,” you begin to explain, and notice him looking at you with cautious eyes. “Is that not what you said? That we can come to you and seek guidance? Ask questions about our faith?” You can admit that it was slightly unfair using his own words against him, but it works all the same. He bows his head before nodding once, silently stepping aside and allowing you to walk inside.

It’s the same as it always was, with the couch being the only real centerpiece to the room. The curtains are drawn closed on each of the windows and it gives the sense of seclusion from the rest of the small island. The three lamps that line the right wall are all lit, painting everything in a warm glow. You’ll never get over how welcoming his home was, how it provided a safe space when you needed an escape. 

The sound of the door clicking shut makes you turn around to face him. He’s standing with his arms crossed over his chest, slightly hesitant as he stays silent and waits for you to speak first.

“Nobody saw me, if that’s what you’re worried about,” you flash him a cheeky smirk. Paul responds wordlessly with a smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes. He steps further into the room, his arm brushing yours as he walks to the small, open kitchen area. 

“I haven’t seen you at Mass,” he finally breaks his silence. You watch as he grabs an empty glass from the drying rack beside the sink before filling it with water from the tap. “Can I get you anything?” he offers with wide eyes, motioning towards the cup in his hand.

“I was sick,” you pick the first thing that comes to mind, “allergy stuff since the weather is changing.” The lie rolls right off your tongue. You watch as he drinks his water down, fixating on the way his Adam's apple moves with each swallow. Giving yourself a mental shake, you answer his earlier question.

“And I’m okay, thanks,” you decline his offer as you lean against the back of the couch. The priest says nothing but gives a solemn look your way.

“I’m… sorry to hear that,” he speaks gently into the quiet room. His dark, brown eyes look sincere, enforcing the truth behind his words. There’s a small pout on his lips and you’re not sure if it’s from your faux illness or if he can somehow sense that you’re not speaking the truth. Either way, he continues with the conversation.

“But I’m glad you’re feeling better. W-What can I do for you?” He sets his glass down on the small counter beside him. “You… um, mentioned seeking guidance? What about?” His eyes are focused onto yours and you find yourself only able to keep eye contact for a few seconds before his stare feels like too much. 

“Well,” you begin with a light laugh under your breath, “I just wanted to have you read to me again.” Your fingers toy with the thick seam of the couch cushion. “Is that okay? It just—it helps, is all.” You’re not certain the explanation makes a ton of sense, but there is truth behind it. His words help; it relaxes you to come and listen to him read, even if you don’t always find yourself secure in the faith you grew up with.

When you look up at him again, Paul is standing with a genuine smile on his face. It’s clear he likes hearing that he can help, and you feel a twinge of guilt shoot through your chest at how he genuinely enjoys what he does. It makes you being here that much worse, knowing how content and devout he is.

“Of course, I-I can do that,” he replies, his voice somehow even quieter than before. “Did you have a certain story you wanted me to read from?”

You think over his question for only a short moment. Deep down, you knew you could listen to him speak about even the most mundane things, including what he had eaten for breakfast. His voice was the thing to calm you, not the words he spoke.

“I don’t really care. Whatever you’d like, whatever we left off with,” you flash him a small smile. The priest nods only once before walking towards his bedroom, disappearing into the shadows of the small corridor leading to the door.

You let out a big breath of air you weren’t even aware you were holding in. Being alone with him felt good, it always did, but you couldn’t deny the guilt once again growing in your chest. Deep down, you knew this was wrong, but it always felt good when the guilt shaped to something else. Something stronger and impossibly difficult to ignore.

There’s only a small moment for self reflection before you hear his footsteps echoing out on the wood floor again. You glance towards the sound and find him returning back into the main room with the Bible wedged between his arm and his side. His fingers are busy, rolling the fabric of his long sleeve up to just above his elbow. As inch after inch of his skin is exposed, you find yourself unable to look away from the veins trailing up the inside of his arm.

He repeats his actions on the opposite side, gazing up at you from under the few strands of hair that have fallen out of place. Your lip finds its way between your teeth subconsciously, your own way of anchoring yourself and ignoring the need to tuck the loose curls back behind his ear.

“In moments where I truly begin to doubt my faith, I…” he trails off, fixing the last roll of his cuff over his forearm. He grabs the Bible and brushes his thumb over the raised letters as he continues, “I like to look back on the story of Job.”

You can’t even stop the exasperated sigh that leaves your body. He looks up at the sound, his head tilted slightly like a confused puppy.

“Job? Really, Father? I’m pretty sure that’s the opposite of restoring faith,” you curl your fingers to create air quotes over the last two words. Paul gives a small smile, lowering his head. He’s dealt with your opinions regarding faith and why God allows things to happen as He does.

“Maybe… maybe to some but I-I find that it’s a reminder,” his voice is quiet and calm, already slipping into his usual pattern of speech when he’s behind the lectern. He steps deeper into the living room and passes by you, making his way to the empty couch.

“A reminder to trust in Him even when we’re not sure of-of the path,” he finishes. You’re thankful he’s behind your back so he doesn’t see the way your eyes roll at his canned response. He must’ve seen the tension in your body though, taking note of the way your arms are still crossed over your chest, because he tries once more to get you to listen.

“You do remember that he was rewarded? In the end?”

“Yeah, but he went through hell to get it… hardly seems fair,” you answer him.

“Well, the Lord, He—,”

“If you say ‘Works in mysterious ways’…” you cut him off with a warning glare as you finally turn to face him.

Paul lets out a breathy laugh, staring down at the thick book in his hands. “I was only going to say that He doesn’t always…” he pauses for a moment, searching for the right words, “reveal His plans to us in a way that makes sense at the time. That’s all,” he finishes with a tight-lipped smile.

There’s a brief moment of silence that hangs in the air as you wait for him to move past this conversation. His quick inhale fills the room as he clears his throat quietly, his arm gesturing towards the couch.

“Shall we?”

“Of course,” you respond softly, your words tucked under your breath. He walks around to the front of the couch, his eyes fixed on you as you follow his path. He sits down as his fingers curl around the blue, knitted blanket that’s sprawled out across the cushion beside him.

“Here, let me—,” he doesn’t finish his sentence before draping it across the back of the couch. There’s a spot for you now, close enough that you knew you’d be touching him if you sat beside him. As tempting as the offer is, you find yourself shaking your head gently.

“Is-is something wrong?” he asks, his big, dark eyes searching yours. They’re wide and innocent, truly worrying that he overstepped. Once again, you’re reminded of how pure the man before you is; you nearly reconsider your original idea that made you seek him out tonight in the first place.

You shake your head as you stand in front of him, silently kneeling down and sitting on the floor. The priest’s expression instantly grows apprehensive. You flash him an innocent smile but his unsure glare never falters.

“I’ll just listen from here,” you tell him, trying to ease his worries. He looks hesitant but eventually swallows before opening the Bible. His long fingers splay out across the thin pages, turning them one after the other before finally stopping on a page.

He opens his mouth to speak, the words flowing effortlessly off of his tongue. His voice falls into the deep, rumbly tone that you only ever hear when he’s reading to you. There’s no audience, no image he has to maintain, and the words are so quiet it seems almost as if he’s reading to himself. You’ve always preferred these moments, when he appeared the most authentic he could be.

The more he reads the more comfortable you feel. Your body begins to relax and an idea strikes up in your mind. As he turns the next page, bringing in a deep inhale to continue the sentence, you let your head rest against his knee.

He immediately stutters over his words, repeating the same sound over and over. He never breaks his concentration though, and eventually pushes through and finishes the sentence. Not before flashing you a warning look as you rest your cheek against his leg, though.

It isn’t entirely inappropriate and would even be seen as a normal, platonic gesture. But given his profession, you knew it was absolutely not appropriate. You don’t pull away however, just keep your body slumped against his leg.

He continues speaking the old words, his pronounced sentences dissipating into muttered whispers the longer he goes on. Admittedly, you felt special that this tone was reserved only for you; there was a faint flare of pride in your chest knowing that you were the only one to hear his words so rumbly it’s as if they never fully left his chest.

At some point though, you begin to grow bored of just sitting there and waiting for him to finish. Usually these late night reads brought your anxiety down enough just to fall asleep on the priest, leaving him in the most awkward position of not knowing how to convince himself any of this was okay. But right now, you’d rather have some fun.

Paul knew something was up the second he saw your hand reaching towards him out of the corner of his eye. The muscles in his leg immediately tense, you feel it from under your skin. But you don’t want to raise his suspicion so soon.

Stretching further towards the Bible in his lap, you spread your fingers and place both palms over each side. Once his view is completely shielded from the printed words, he immediately looks into your mischievous eyes.

“What—what are you doing?” he asks confusedly. His eyebrows are pulled together as he awaits your answer.

“Just wanted to see how much you knew,” you reply genuinely. You knew the man had poured over this book time and time again, searching for meanings deeper than the blatant lessons that were spelled out for the reader. It always sent a conflicting feeling coursing through you, the way he could recite word after word from memory as if he was the one who had conjured them up. Conflicting because you liked the reminder of how devout he was, and isn’t that just a multifaceted guilt trip.

Paul smiles at your youthful game, and mentally accepts the challenge. He parts his lips before the words fall from his tongue.

“And when the days of the feast had run their course, Job would send and sanctify them, and he would rise early in the morning and offer burnt offerings according to the number of them all,” he begins, never looking away from your face as he repeats them with no hesitation.

“For Job said, ‘It may be that my sons have sinned, and cursed God in their hearts.’” The priest can’t stop from chuckling at the end of his sentence, having looked at your own genuine, bright grin. “Thus Job did continually.”

Once he’s finished, he flashes you his own smile before glancing down at your hands covering the pages still. You slowly remove them, giggling under your breath at how he passed your unofficial test.

The priest licks his lips once before clearing his throat gently, continuing again with his reading. As the minutes pass, you find yourself not paying much attention to the actual weight of the words. You just focus on his muttering voice until you're reminded of how sweet his last stutter sounded. And because you just can’t help yourself, you’re determined to hear it again.

Snaking your hand up his thigh, you feel his body grow stiff all over again. That adorable stutter becomes prominent once more, his eyes quickly focusing on your fingers rubbing up the inside of his leg as he attempts to finish the paragraph. Trying to pace your plan, you curl your fingers around his thigh and give him a moment to get used to the feeling.

“What are you doing?” These words are the coldest he’s spoken all night, yet you stay silent and wait. It takes him longer this time to finally react, to give his consent in the smallest agreement possible. It’s so minuscule that anybody else wouldn’t have noticed, but you know him awfully more than you should.

Half a nod. That’s all it takes, and you let your fingers graze lightly over the black slacks. They're taught from how he’s sitting, and you can see the outline of his thigh through the stretched material. His voice shakes now, the tone less steady and sure, as he forces himself to keep reading.

You’ve got to admit he’s doing better than you thought. He doesn’t stop reading, you assume he’s just trying to focus on something else, anything but your hand moving between his thighs. You must’ve hit a sweet spot though, inching near the little alcove where his thigh meets his hip, because the next thing you hear is a shuddering exhale as he halts his reading. 

And there it is only a second later—the outline of his cock showing through the dark dress pants. It never took very long, although this time it seems even quicker than usual. He continues to grow there, until you can see the fabric straining to accommodate for his now swollen head. You’ve barely touched him and he’s already so responsive.

Now that you can physically see the effect you have on him, there’s truly nothing that can stop you. Sure the nagging guilt is still in the back of your mind, telling you that you shouldn’t do this, but you push it away as much as you can. He looks so tempting right now: the loose strands of hair falling into his face, his lip caught between his teeth as he suppresses his groans, the faint twitch his cock gives when he feels your finger lightly drag along the base of his length. You love seeing him this desperate for you.

Your one finger lightly tracing the length of him is truly all it takes for the first twitch to happen in his trousers. The sight makes your mouth nearly water and you finally curl your fingers around him properly. Your grip isn’t too tight considering it’s over two layers of clothes, but it doesn’t stop the choked grunt from finally escaping his lips.

Still you continue, leaning closer until your breath is fanning over the bulge. He feels it, you can tell from the way his fingers clutch the book that’s resting on his other leg. The veins in the back of his hand become more prominent the harder he grabs it. Every part of his body is conflicting itself; he wants it but he knows he shouldn’t.

Still you wait, staring up at him and silently asking again if this is okay. He doesn’t stall as much this time—his eyes squeeze shut tightly before nodding quickly again, forcing another inhale through his nose.

You don’t waste a second and quickly press your tongue flat against the outline of his tip. Slowly licking along the length, you watch his body reel from how hard his stomach clenches at the feeling. He begins to shut the Bible but you grab his wrist before it can close all the way. You shake your head slowly, attempting to convince him to keep it open.

“Y…You know I can’t.”

“I like hearing you, Father,” you mumble quietly in the room. He stares down at you with an expression you can’t quite describe. There’s no emotion on his face, but his eyes look pained, no doubt from the name you referred to him as. He hardly moves except for the shallow breaths that you can only notice because of how close you are to him.

Waiting for his reaction seems to drag on for hours before he finally sighs through his nose and opens the book. You notice the way his fingers shake as he smooths out the page before trying to remember where he left off. Your lips pull into a smile as you hear his strained voice fill the room.

Squeezing the base of his cock tighter, you drag your tongue across his tip again before wrapping your lips around it. The story is cut off with his deep grunt, and you hum around him at the pleasant noise. The priest has his head tilted back, staring at the ceiling as he tries to regain his composure.

You knew this was an awful, sacrilegious act you two were doing, but it doesn’t stop the heat growing between your legs. Leaning closer into him, you work your mouth on him faster, sucking harder through the fabric. His hand closest to you grips the edge of the seat as he seethes through his teeth.

Paul finally looks down at you, staring into your eyes that have never once left his face. You hold his gaze before glancing wordlessly to the book still in his hand. The whimper that he barely slips out is your new favorite sound, replaying it in your head as you shut your eyes.

“A-As long as… m…my breath,” he’s cut off with a shaky inhale. He tries to read aloud, but his voice trembles the entire time.

“Keep going, Father,” you pull your mouth away from the outline in his black trousers to encourage him. There’s a long, dark stripe along the fabric from your tongue, but another wet patch where the head of his cock is straining against the material.

“As long as my-my breath is in me, and t-the spirit of God is in my nostrils—,” he’s finding each word more impossible to speak. You never allow him to give up though, rubbing your hand over his thigh to support him.

“My lips will not speak f…falsehood, and my tongue will not utter deceit.” He manages to finish the paragraph before taking deep breaths, swallowing thickly and trying his damndest to not look at the sinful scene in his lap. But his body betrays him once more, twitching into your mouth when you hum sweetly around him as a reward for finishing what you asked him to.

Pressing your tongue right in the ridge under his swollen head, you hear a new sound escape his pressed lips. It's a guttural, raw twist of your name and it’s unexpected.

“Oh… Oh—Wait,” he tries to warn you but it’s much too late. His release happens without him realizing, his body moving while his mind doesn’t have a chance to catch up. When you feel him pulsing in your mouth you glance up at him and oh, what a sight it is.

He’s completely disheveled, biting down into his hand to muffle the noise he’s ashamed for anyone to hear, and the veins in his neck are protruding just above the edge of his collar. It’s not the first time you’ve seen him like this, but you always make sure to memorize the sight down to those details. To always keep the picture in your mind.

What really catches your attention though, is the stream of white bubbling up through the taught fabric around his sensitive tip. You didn’t realize he would have finished quite this fast, but you definitely don’t mind it. Squeezing the middle of his length tightly, you slowly slide your hand up, determined to get all of it out of him.

Paul’s thighs are beginning to shake from the sensation and you can only imagine how good it must feel for him. You stick your tongue out as you lap up the mess he’s made, and his thighs jolt to close around your body. His sensitivity to your every touch leaves a desire that burns hotly in the bottom of your stomach. You love the feeling of having power over him, admittedly too much.

Once he’s clean, you finally let go of him altogether and sit back on your legs. He’s left panting in awe as you wipe your mouth with the back of your hand. You wish you could see inside his head, try and understand what he’s thinking. But right now his dark eyes are glossed over and he looks as if he’s somewhere completely else.

“Thank you, Father.”

He scrunches his eyes shut tightly the second the words fill the air. It’s silent except for his panting as you rest your head on his knee once more. This time it is a platonic action, your way of showing him you’re there without words. And there you sit beside your priest in the small, old house behind the great big church, with the weight of everything that just happened.

[camcorderx]

Hi! I’m wondering if you could do some headcanons with König and Soap separately with a male reader who is selectively mute. Thanks!

-✨ Anon

Yessss! I adore your request btw, need more male!reader stuff eh? new anon too ♡

𝐌𝐲 𝐓𝐲𝐩𝐞 || 𝐂𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐨𝐟 𝐃𝐮𝐭𝐲 𝐇𝐜𝐬

▹ pairing: john "soap" mactavish x male!reader, könig x male!reader ▹ cw: fluff, unestablished/established relationship ▹ notes: i didn't know if you wanted romantic/platonic/reactions so i wrote a bit of both! lmk anon if you wanted a part 2 or smth ♡

𝐉𝐨𝐡𝐧 "𝐒𝐨𝐚𝐩" 𝐌𝐚𝐜𝐓𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐬𝐡

at first, he thinks your fucking with him.

do you not like him? did he say something to piss you off? maybe you just don't find his sarcastic wit charming?

he just can't understand why it seems like you don't respond to him.

but when he finds out the truth, its like a weight lifts off his chest

you do like him, you're just a guy who doesn't feel comfortable talking!

soap's always been good with people, talking to you is no different than conversing with 141 or pretty much anybody.

just this time he's doing like 98% of the yapping

he's a pretty understanding guy, you don't have to explain yourself pretty much at all

its one of those things i can see him working on, like just coming to talk to you everyday. see how your doing.

just when he starts seeing you open up even the slightest, it would push him to feel a sort of soft affection for you

loves making you laugh, and come on, he finds you funny too

probably wouldn't stop thinking about you during the day.

his brown eyes are always flickering over to you, sheepishly wondering what you're thinking when price describes a plan or gaz says something. . . every time he catches himself thinking about you he just shakes his head and laughs softly to himself.

yes, maybe a little 'adoration' is forming. . .

but god if you, the guy he's constantly wondering about, doesn't have him curious and wanting to worm his way a little further into your shell just a little bit each time.

maybe staring at your lips isn't just about wanting to hear a laugh from you anymore

when you finally reach out to him, giving his hand a squeeze in thanks for being. . . well being soap. his heart fucking does a flip in his chest and he has to act like the positive contact from you has zero effect on him.

𝐊ö𝐧𝐢𝐠

at first, i think you would catch his attention because the both of you are a bit on the 'quieter' side. like he see's a sort of silent kinship with you he never points out directly.

why you are so quiet he has no clue, and frankly doesn't want to ask you about it.

but he does stare a bit too much, like maybe he hopes you see a sort of similar bond in him too?

when he finally does ask, and understandably gets no response, he just sort of. . . watches you for a minute.

he see's your eyes fidgeting, and you working your hands in your lap, shifting a bit uncomfortably in your seat. like the words, the things you want to say or convey just can't come out the way you want. so they don't.

the pieces sort of click for him. if he doesn't quite get it right (that you're selectively mute) he at least understands the need for a comfortable silence.

obviously doesn't force you to say anything, hell, he can understand the sort of awkwardness of socializing with someone you just met or. . . or even after.

always makes sure you have what you need. he doesn't ask if you needed a spare blanket on a mission, just sort of hands it to you. or if you wanted the granola bar he was holding, he doesn't ask if you want it (he can sort of tell you do) and gives it to you whether you complain or not.

könig gets very good at reading you, he maybe stares a bit too much when you're not looking, but he can't help it if he MAY he a soft spot for you

brother's in denial that he carries any sort of 'affection' for you

but when you both sit together, he stiffens just a little in his seat, watching the subtle way your thigh touches his or the way your shoulder brushes against his. . .

when you fully lean onto his side- götter- he's so thankful he wears a mask to hide how fucking red his face is.

[mousydentist]

my favorite fics that i wrote and why

So, first I'll explain. I'm gonna being reccing my own fics which I'm not super sure how to do cause I mostly just yeet shit on ao3 and let the fates decide, and I'm never sure what's like, too much? Like I see other people rec their own fics and I'm like (O O) how do i do that. Like idk why I have this resistance to like, telling people that I like my own fics? So today I said fuck that, everyone's gonna know now.

And I've just been doing not so hot recently for a number of reason and I figured like, I've been obsessing over so much, why don't I get to be excited about the good things? So anyway, these are my favorite fics that I've written, not just the ones that have done the best or whatever, just my personal favorites, so without further ado...

(quick fyi, all of these are locked so you need to be logged into ao3 to view)

First up is sorry that i can't believe anybody really starts to fall in love with me , don't ask why the name is so long I just like the song lmao. This one's special to me cause it was my first KPTS fic. Is it the best? No. Does it have a super deep meaning? Nope. But it's cute and it's mine so I love it. Next!

the imperfect art of making it. Very self indulgent. I wrote this for the endorphins fic fest which gave me the motivation to write, but really I just loving transing my characters, and soft KimChay deserves lots of love.

Next up, do you look up to the sky? My first whumptober fic and the first one I wrote bc as soon as I looked at the prompts I was like "oh Kim's getting locked in the fucking basement for sure" and then he did! Success. Also KimChay are a pstd4ptsd couple, I won't be taking questions at this time.

This is getting longer than I thought it was gonna be but fuck it, I told myself I was doing this to remind myself why I like writing and that I do actually enjoy it so the longer the better tbh bc it means I really do love it. It's not a bad thing if all of my fics have a special place in my heart, right?

Ok last of the non dead dove ones is i should have kissed you. I don't exactly have a reason, I just think it's a good fic.

The next ones are dead dove cause I have two modes which are cute fluff and illegal <3

chay and kinn and chay. This thing is my baby. I love him with my whole heart. I wrote him in discord messages on my walk to and from classes. This is one fic that I would not be ashamed to say I've read several times over. This is the fic that I think of when people say "write the fics you want to read." This was also a spite fic which makes all of that even funnier lmao

Willow Dancin' On Air. This one's not dead dove but it is KimVegas so eh. But this is another fic I wrote purely for myself. I just wanted some fluffy lil somethin somethin and now every time I listen to this song I think of this fic

Ok last one, Why minors shouldn’t gamble. This one also started on discord and was written in my notes app at like. 9 am while I was still in bed lmao. Because that's where inspiration peaks. And it's hot idk. omegaverse will never not be be a special interest of mine, hopefully one day we can find out what happens when Kim joins the party, I'm genuinely curious.

OK! So. That was something. Tbh I feel a lot better lmao. My therapist would be so proud of me if I ever told her I write fanfiction pff. Normalize reading your own fics over and over. I'm saying that directly to myself cause I see all these like motivational things about writing and then I don't believe them, what's that about?? Doing this reminded me that I actually like the things I create, highly recommend. Now I'm gonna get myself a glass of water cause for the next maybe 12 hours I'm changing my life!! I'm doing self care!!! Woo hoo!!!!! Now to post this before I remember that other people can see it :) Ok bye ✌️

[hughesmedicine]

little information for the yn swift au before I get the first post out of it.

• she didn’t use her sister for fame.

y/n wanted to keep her life as taylor swifts sister a secret and everybody knew that and agreed that it was the best option for her (since being at a younger age) but she grew her own popularity and kept her life hidden a lot besides when it came to friends, they knew everything and she only posts her friends on her insta till now

• how she met jack

she met jack while touring with her sister they were both 14 and one of the stops was in michigan which him and his brothers were out with their parents for lunch when she ran into jack trying to get away from the bodyguard which he quickly helped her up and apologized and she went off with them to get away from the bodyguard which they understood completely and ellen took her under her wing and they even talked to y/ns parents to see if it was okay for them to hang out noticing jack was taking a liking to her (despite the bodyguard’s complaints about her running off with complete strangers but he’s allowed to worry since that’s his best friend)

•how they found out she was a swift

he and trevor were walking before practice when he saw y/n and Taylor out together and ofc trevor wasn’t trying to freak out but he was curious as to why he was staring at the young girl with a slight glare on his face (he’s valid for the face though cause how is your girlfriend for the last two years gonna keep a secret that big from him yk?)

“why are you staring at that girl jack?”

“she’s my girlfriend and I’m curious as to why she’s with that singer your obsessed with?”

“taylors her name but let’s go up to them.”

so they did and it took a lot of explaining to do without trevor begging for a photo but he knew this was a sensitive topic so he waited till everyone made up before asking which caused you guys to laugh together and eventually get a picture

• her last name was the worst thing to her ever in her young life

she hated her last name so much imagine being 12 and trying to make friends but all people can comment on is “oh your last names swift are you related to Taylor?” she would tell them no and they would walk away immediately which made her realize that some people were gonna use her and not want to be her friend unless she was and so that’s why she went home that day she asked her mom if she could go under a different last name knowing that the question wouldn’t stop there. Her parents completely understood and so did taylor but they made it work and she went under a completely different name and played it off that the school fucked up her last name

• her friends

now with this it’s sensitive to her cause she has lost some friends due to them using her and it fucken hurt her, like once it happened her whole world flip the whole school found out who she was and that destroyed her but her real friends stuck by her side and got her through it and even warded off the pricks who’s intentions weren’t the best at the school unfortunately she had to transfer and go under a different last name but she kept in contact with cole( makes sense yk) and kiya

• that trevor meeting

to say he asks way too many questions but of course she was nice enough to answer some of them and he completely understood about the secret and never letting anybody know, they constantly texted eachother and he was her shoulder to cry on when Jack was busy and Jack was so grateful that Trevor was there to help out in any ways he could since being drafted and trevor and y/n continued to be friends and he’ll thank him everyday for everything’s his done and even introducing her to his friends further down the line (and becoming besties with jamie and alex)

•college life

she chose to go umich under swift and it did change her life a bit but not much, some were worried about her last name others were like it’s just a last name who cares? Secretly they cared but they wouldn’t confront her about it cause it’s none of their business, she did get close with luke and he’s basically her best friend ever since they first met and he’s been that since, wherever y/n is lukes right behind her and so is most of the umich hockey team (considering she’s on the media team for them so she does takes pictures alot despite their protests)

nobody was gonna fuck with her if they saw hockey players walking right behind her which she was grateful for but she mostly hung out with the sophomore boys(cause of luke) and the freshman boys just call her mom and the memories she made with them, she wouldn’t change it for the world. (in this she’s a senior )

I think that’s all I need to cover so but if I think of more I’ll add it.

one

[asachuu]

I’ve got a headache and I’ve partially sworn to both myself and another person I wouldn’t go over this, but…it just won’t let me rest, so I’m sorry to anyone the apology is due. I open my other abandoned socials once in my life, and the first thing I see is debates on this I didn’t even think would be possible, and there’s only so many days I can just bite my tongue.

Refer to the tags of this post for more context if you wish, but I’ll make this separate instead of a reblog in case it may reach more people.

Spoilers for phase 18 of the Fifteen manga below.

So, ah…let me just get the extremely cheap joke out of the way. Heaven forbid the Literary Stray Dogs fandom has to be faced with…oh dear goodness…literature…

If you’ll excuse that, I truly don’t wish to be anyhow outwardly hostile, but I don’t know what would be more fitting to say. In my former vague-ish post (tags excluded), I did say I initially thought this was pointless to go over, but I see that it’s inevitable— so, before I leave my two cents on this, as an absolutely shameless self-plug, since I won’t be going over any deeper Rimlaine-related context in this post to an extent I’d like to properly explain and elaborate on, I’d redirect any curious soul stumbling upon this to my essay about the pair, which will explain a lot more as to why I find any of this worth my time and why I will speak of them in a rather uncharitable manner.

I believe the above is a self-explanatory warning as to the fact that despite talking about a certain panel from the Fifteen manga I’ve seen a rather questionable amount of people use as backing for their ship, I will be doing the absolute opposite, and if that’s not what you want to read or hear, I’d suggest leaving this post be. As much as I mostly try to come from a place of understanding, I don’t think you’ll find much of it in this post, both because I’m not feeling well at the moment and I’ve already explained my strongly held stance in softer terms before, linked above. As always, none of this is personally directed at anybody whatsoever, but that doesn’t mean that some simply wouldn’t want to read a slightly harsher analysis of what could perhaps be their comfort ship for any personal reason they may have, to which I say, I very much suggest not hate-reading this and clicking off, please always look after yourself.

So…while I was going to spare myself a longer post due to my physical state, you best believe me that I will do anything in my power to make it not hinder me, just so I can write this whole thing properly this time around. Without further ado, here is the panel/page I’ll be referring to from now on.

All translation credits go to DarkestJay868 on Twitter.

I think I have to start this off by saying that if this was a different story, a different situation, different inspiration and different characters to match, I would understand the fandom’s reaction. While I’m someone who’s far from shipping characters in most media I consume, I only have one OTP across everything I’d ever engaged with and can’t think of another ship I like from the top of my head, I do understand if people see two characters interact with each other in one way or another, perhaps one rather close way or another, and jump to shipping them for their personal use or just for the sake of it. Ultimately, there is absolutely no point in trying to go over why, because it harms absolutely no one, and these are all fictional characters anyway, it’s not as if we’re intruding on real people’s personal relationships doing any of this.

I also understand that not only is it a well-known fact that MLM ships are far more popular in fandoms than any other, but also, when two characters have a dialogue/thought process/etc. of the nature you can read above, it comes as no surprise that people would like to spin their own narrative on it, and I’d say that’s usually more than fine, go for it, have fun— except in this particular case, I’m astounded. Generally, at this point, I cannot tell whether Rimlaine is a ship born of the indomitable human spirit that won’t be swayed by quite deeply serious topics this pairing is outright created from and exists because of, or one that won’t falter even while not only explicitly written words, but also graphic depictions show exactly what scenario is being presented and it’s simply not the one so many in this community have imagined, but in the case of this scene, it would be downright nonsensical to claim that some form of active dedication is not being used to back the claims I’ve seen going around.

I will be providing no specific examples, as what they all boil down to in various different ways is speaking of the lower panel as some form of canonical confirmation of Arthur and Paul’s closeness, be it in a platonic or romantic way, and believe me when I say this— not a single part of my counterargument will have to do with the thought of one hand on a shoulder(?) meaning nothing, because trust me, in fandoms, I can’t say it’s not ordinary.

You see, out of any and all context, I’d find it amusing, but the simple fact of the matter is, this panel:

is not out of context,

is not canon, even,

has a very real chance of depicting a character’s imagination based on the very next panel, which is this:

And this is about the panel only— don’t worry, I will remind everyone the origins of Rimlaine by the end of this post as well.

I cannot believe I’m sitting here saying this while bearing in mind that my desired audience are people who have read the Fifteen manga at the very least, and while I insist on it being anything but a sufficient adaptation of the original novel, this particular scene is one I did praise for how it was depicted. Nevertheless, this scene is a third-person recollection of Arthur’s memories, and while it is both written and drawn for us all to see, “(…) at least, that’s how one of them felt” is a line directly quoting the original novel, being quite clear, straightforward and explicit confirmation that these were, in fact, not mutual feelings for them both, those feelings also being explicitly stated— their partnership, trust, friendship and whatnot was something only Arthur himself believed, all of which you may find black on white in the Fifteen novel, and surprisingly, even in the very manga people are using images from to speak of Rimlaine as if it were a canonical ship now, often based on this one panel.

In addition to that, this doesn’t only apply to these panels, but for the whole manga and any other adaptation of a source material— it is not the original canon. Fifteen adaptations never fail to prove this point on a regular basis, so I believe this shouldn’t be something difficult to grasp. The same, naturally, goes for this specific panel— nowhere in the original novel itself does it imply any kind of mutual closeness between the two partners whatsoever, in fact, it proves the exact opposite time and time again, and this panel is ultimately a creative liberty taken by the artist. In my personal opinion, however, I don’t have a problem with it in this case, given both how much it emphasizes Arthur’s point of view and the very obvious effect the next panel has on it— very directly showing that indeed, this was only a part of his imagination, or so would make the absolute most sense to me, but it seems that kind of “deeper meaning”, which is nowhere near deep or complicated to understand from the given material in any way, is just…lost on this fandom?

Might I also add that it makes no sense in canon, either— even if it was something signed off by Asagiri-san himself, I’d raise an eyebrow, because there is nothing in any of the media Arthur and Paul appear in that implies Paul would be the one to be close to Arthur and not the other way around, yet that’s exactly what’s drawn in said panel. It is very explicitly stated canonical information that Paul hated Arthur at the time, especially before their final mission together, and I could go further here, onwards to addressing some rather far-fetched claims of him somehow always repressing his true feelings he held for Arthur the whole time because he “felt a bit guilty for pulling the trigger” despite both the entire character arc for Paul being intended to culminate in his sudden genuine regret at the very end AND the fact that his continuous total lack of remorse or any shred of grief for his late partner is constantly spoonfed to the reader, but I’m here for one panel only. And one panel is now damn near enough to make me write another essay.

It’s not even as though Rimlaine is canonically a more ambiguous relationship up to the reader’s interpretation— both Fifteen and Stormbringer are, at least to me, very clear in conveying the message that if the feeling of affection, be it platonic, romantic or any other, is present anywhere between these two, it’s from Arthur towards Paul, and it’s entirely unrequited. Their whole story revolves around it, I’ve almost typed it out word for word in my essay if no one would be up to reading any of the necessary passages in the novels, the whole point lay in Arthur’s genuine care and affection towards his partner which is never returned or anyhow acknowledged and appreciated, that of which canonically deeply affects the former throughout his whole life and beyond, but at this point, I’m willing to bet that even if a hypothetical light novel centered around Arthur and Paul out there actually started with the words “this is a story of very obvious unrequited love and a toxic/abusive relationship that’s practically impossible to interpret in any other way”, I’d once again find myself in a spot where I’m giving far too much credence and leniency towards various arguments as to why said disclaimer is somehow wrong.

I promised one more thing as I finish this up, reminding you all the origins of Rimlaine, and why exactly does this all probably read like I’m rather irritated about some mischaracterization that doesn’t have any further impact beyond a fictional work, because that’s not the case. If it were, I’d care far less, the same way I don’t write lengthy paragraphs about Soukoku or any other ship I believe to not be anyhow healthy whatsoever, even though I do actually enjoy one character out of them both.

I could do my third absolutely shameless self-advertisement and refer to part 4 of my essay, but that’s only for further details and clarification, if anyone wanted it. What I’ll say next is something I don’t want hidden somewhere in thousands of words for the deeply curious willing to tread through them, I very much want this to be common knowledge in this fandom, regardless of whether it will deter people from ignoring absolutely all canon, misinterpreting both characters and entire story arcs in rather impressive ways at times to fit their own ship, or just rallying to support it. The choice is up to you, but keep this in mind:

BSD Arthur Rimbaud and Paul Verlaine are, in fact, based on two real-life poets, which is made clear beyond merely their names— their characters, abilities, partially personalities and even aspects of their stories are heavily and directly inspired by them. If you wish to claim their real-life affair as something Asagiri-san has obviously heard of and thus must have kept in mind, meaning BSD Rimlaine is either canonical or just somehow healthy, fine, something that “comes naturally” under these circumstances in general, I don’t want to hear you forgetting that this affair was between an abused 16-year-old and a homicidal 26-year-old. That’s the inspiration— real-life abuse, and not only that, abuse of a minor, AND not only that, due to the fact that I’ve not placed any trigger warnings above, I will not go into any details, but it’s nothing short of a horrific story that never received a good end to it.

That is why I insist on this so much, because there is only a tiny handful of very specific good-faith reasons I could possibly think of for practically just supporting the BSD ship. I do hate phrasing the sentence that way, but “support” is the closest word I can use here for the washing away of information, spreading total mischaracterization, and overall just romanticizing any part of this without any care for its origins or true nature, which can be one of two things— or both— to you. A real-life tragedy, or a very clear story of an unhealthy, possibly abusive relationship in BSD.

I know that, in my essay, I said I understand why people might long for such ships and so on, but perhaps I’m just stubbornly typing this in blinding physical pain that obstructs my senses from being able to return to that train of thought or all I’ve written above renders it nonsense even to myself, the original author, because right now, having said all this, I can’t say I’d understand it with all this information provided. The inspiration is a story incredibly sorrowful, dark and truly harrowing, the BSD counterpart couldn’t be more explicit about how extremely one-sided and unhealthy Arthur and Paul’s relationship is, and yet, I feel as though it really won’t matter in the end, because if I’m writing all this over an interpretation of one single panel I can only describe as completely out of left field, which is quite literally directly disputed by the next panel following it, is this really a matter of knowing all the necessary context and information, or am I unknowingly describing something that’s actually common knowledge?

Anyhow, I would perhaps go on, but sadly, I’m left with no choice but to end this abruptly. I…hope this panel will never haunt me again.

[heartfelttry]

on a tiktok comment, i mentioned having taken notes of thepandaredd's OCs and whatnot to be able to name-drop them once i am un-sickly enough to commit to writing DC fanfics (and i mentioned them in a comment to begin with because either thepandredd has two OCs named Ted now, or we got a prequel or reboot of their original Ted OC) and it got over 1 Like which is all the attention i needed to post my notes lmao

(it just took me a while to post bc i got Too Into My Own Head about having maybe missed something, so i re-watched all thepandaredd's not-Comic-Book-Club videos (tho i do enjoy those, you should watch them) on his yt channel before posting this)

real quick, please note, i did leave all my headcanons in here because i am emotionally attached to them, but i did make said hcs labeled in blue and i made them tiny so you can know where to avoid them if you so wish. that was my big thing i want anybody reading to be aware of. onto the smaller notes of interest (no pun intended, i just prefer small-text when i babble and over-explain), these notes are messy chaotically organized. bc my brain is messy chaotically organized. (also: i have dyslexia and chronic memory loss, so please do forgive the accidental missspellings and the not-accidental "isn't this too much detail?" sections) this is all copy-pasted from my notes with some additions made for your guys' convenience (i put in links where i remembered links go (im sure i missed some citations i could have linked and forgot to even cite links in many other places, ugh, i do not want to cite everything, i gave up, i know my notes have evidence even if i didn't link the video every time, you fact-check, i'm tired lmao rip), i colored the text sometimes, i clarified things i theorize sometimes so things make sense to non-mind-readers, the works. i always speak to a hypothetical audience in my notes tho, so, shockingly, that wasn't actually added for you. idk why i p much always do that; i just accept it. but you're welcome). feel free to copy and edit this down further for your own use to update. i know i plan to update my private notes when new info/OCs come out, but idk if i will update this public post, ever, but hey! maybe!

also, above all: please follow thepandaredd (he/they) on your favorite social media of choice. support the guy on patreon. buy merch. all the good stuff. here's the linktree to all the important things related to thepandaredd's socials and whatnot. enjoy their creations, he's really fun lol

● was posted: 30 March 2024 ● was last updated: 2 April 2024 (reason for update: i realized i forgot the Reboot Hand, updated on March 31st + forgot to include a bullet-point on Bill being anti-smoking, and forgot to say who set Bill on fire, updated on April 1st + realized i got confused and my math on Bill's age was wrong as i originally said he was a minimum of "16+ years older than the 10 year-old Robin he met" when he is actually a minimum of 6+ years older to therefore make him a minimum of 16 years old to Robin's 10, updated on April 2nd)

↳ here is my "after posting this" thoughts if you are curious. it consists entirely of a friend of mine encouraging me to publish some texts i sent her answering "what was my favorite thing i learned?" and "do i have any questions?" (from 30 March 2024 original post) ↳ ill maybe make another one of these "after posting this thoughts" if i ever do a BIG update on this? who knows lol

also, please note i have yet to see any thepandaredd twitch streams (i just know my brain and my brain likes edited content, esp if it is short or short-ish bc my brain loves that shit. i like Dimension 20 more than Critical Role, i like ConnorDawg's gaming youtube channel more than CDawgVA's twitch or his VOD youtube channel that said edited gaming videos all come from, and i like audio dramatizations of books way more than audiobooks. it is just how i unfortunately or fortunately work), so idk if any additional info has been said there. i have heard good things about thepandaredd's Stream Dump youtube channel tho, so do go to that aforementioned linktree and check it out! if i ever am able to get my brain to accept twitch VODs, and not just zone out and disassociate when i should be engaged, i will delete this section (hence why it is under the Read More) and update accordingly ✌️

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★★★ AGENT OF THE REBOOT (DC only so far, created by thepandaredd. probably should have a Marvel equivalent or else also exist in Marvel? or maybe the TVA counts, idk, i havent seen "Loki")

● has one confirmed worker of an unknown name and unknown pronouns (hc/theories on pronouns: However, since this character's form can change, one can assume this agent character takes on the pronouns of the original form (eg. the character did take on Bill The Henchman's form and Bill uses he/him pronouns, so assumedly this agent character would accept he/him pronouns while using Bill's form. it feels respectful towards the original form. however, this is an argument one can use as a hc and is not confirmed. i hate JKR, but remember the scene where everyone used polyjuice potions to pretend to be Harry Potter in the last book and they all kept their original pronouns despite having Harry's face? like, as an explicit example, Hermione still had she/her pronouns while fully transformed into having Harry's body? weirdly pro-trans scene for a terf to have written. but yeah, same could go for this character. so an argument can be made both ways); but if i ever write about this agent, until proven otherwise: my hc and what i plan to do is either they/them or a neo-pronoun for this character due to a mixture of headcanon (kinda cool for an organization to be totally nameless, ageless, faceless, and genderless (maybe even of a omniuniversal hive-mind? idk, we don't know anything), so i assume this is that) and a lack of clarity/details on this specific agent character. but there you go, there are all the options one can assume for this agent character's pronouns. adjacently, personally, if i do a neo-pronoun for this character when writing: i think i'll either do the "the royal we", a classic; or i will do the definite article, as recently popularized in "Doctor Who", but idk, we'll see, might just do "they/them" for simplicity sake. or maybe we'll get pronouns if the Agent comes back, who fucking knows). (hc name of character: remember that Iron Man MCU joke about "What? Phil? No, his first name is Agent" about Agent Phil Coulson of SHIELD? yeah, if i write for this character, i will be assuming an acceptable name is "Agent, just Agent")

● Introduced as "I'm an agent of The Reboot". unsure if organization is "The Reboot" or "Agents Of The Reboot" or if its called something else and he just did layman terms for it so that it was "agent of the reboot"? i have no idea. i personally most prefer Agents Of The Reboot, or layman terms if i or someone else can come up with a cooler name. (if this was Marvel and i had seen "Loki", there would probably be a Time Variance Authority (TVA) joke to make here). could also be just a one-man thing where Agent Of The Reboot is the character's name/species, and they are the only fucking one?? idk, we aren't supposed to know shit about this character, they are supposed to be a mystery, it makes sense that nothing is confirmed and that nothing makes sense, idk what to tell you

↳ ThePandaRedd normally introduces character name differentiations via a text box saying who is playing who, but this guy's just said " ? ". what a fun meta detail lol

● Helps characters reboot and "get to where you're supposed to go"

● This agent/The organization is responsible for "Crisis on Infinite Earth", "New 52" reboots

● Reboot ability is activated via snapping. very Thanos of the character, but sure, why not, it's a cool fucking ability

● Copies other person's face because "it's what your brain will recognize the easiest". Visually, to readers, it looks like a pixelated version of it (i assume that aspect is for viewer's clarity of who is speaking when. kind of like how "Avatar: The Last Airbender"'s air is supposed to be invisible (y'know, as air generally is) to the characters within the show, but is drawn so viewers can see what Aang is bending and how. but. like. for character design)

↳ Was introduced helping Bill The Henchman, more about that in Bill's section. Said Bill's storyline "got too convoluted" and instead of fixing the storyline, Bill was deemed for a reboot-- well, the whole universe was taken to start over, actually. 

↳ speaks with a slight computer-y voice-changer effect. makes the character kind of sound like they come from an 8-bit video-game.

↳ my hc: is that this kind of works as a mixture of "The Digital Circus" and @/cholv0q (of tiktok)'s Alastor of "Hazbin Hotel" re-design (their linktree is over here btw). where the character kind of just comes from this early-internet days (which is when there was more widespread bingeing and cross-references of comics, due to them being uploaded digitally and fan-forums citing themselves and whatnot (which, fun fact: apparently, January 1, 1983 is considered the Internet's official birthday. so that is the fucking earliest we could be talking about) (i know also the idea of comics in academia, like getting analyzed in essays, became more popularized around this time. but i don't know how much of that is causation and correlation. it's still considered new and novel for a campus to include graphic novels in a required reading list, though it is on the edge of being "uncommon but welcome" nowadays. English classes entirely focused on graphic novels, albums, and comics are still a v new-ish thing. but im getting off-topic, that was just my experience in going to college in the ~2020s anyway). and ergo, comic companies had to care a bit more about continuity and it was less of a "well, it depends on the writer if they care about that" thing. hence, the kind of "the demand formed and so the need was filled" creation of this character/organization? (not as in "ah, i see a job oppurtunity here" type of "demand formed, and we can fulfill that need". but as in "the universe is ever-expanding and ever-repairing itself" kind of mysterious cosmic horror. kind of like Marvel Comics' The Watchers but 50× the eldritch horror. like whatever force in the universe made Earth's deep sea creatures and DC-Comics-version-of-Mars' white martians? that force played some early desktop computer horror games and said "let me put this on my pinterest board as inspo for this new project i'm working on" type of shit. nobody knows where this fucker/these fuckers came from, they just didn't exist before and suddenly they came into being, fully formed. very unsettling) and due to the tech of the time, the voice filter and pixelation of the face make even more sense. how does "The Digital Circus" apply to this? just the sense of "omnipotence in an old fucking desktop computer technology" really. as for the @/cholv0q's Alastor of "Hazbin Hotel" re-design bit, i just really fucking like that Chol included this bit about "changing[ this character's vocal abilities to come from] an old radio[ on his chest,] where his real voice comes from, instead of his mouth or throat". i really fucking like that idea so im yoinking it and switching the tech away from a 1920s radio. and i think that would be fucking sick to apply to this Agent character considering their shapeshifting, pixelation, implied vocal changes (i assume the voice changes with the form and its not That Voice with every form, just That Voice Filter ontop of the everchanging voice), voice filter, and general uncanny-valley-ness. just imagine a pixelated version of your face talking to you about rebooting your life while never opening their mouth, as the uncanny low-rez doppleganger version of you talks to you through a fucking 80s PC speaker lodged in its throat/clavicle area, sounding like the earliest versions of a voice-acted horror video-game. i love it. i think it maintains the mystery about "how the fuck, whomst the fuck" while upping the creepy to be even creepier, to me at least. plus, then there's the whole "snaps to reboot" ability, yes, but now we got the "Video-Game Boss with a Second Phase" built in right there because if snapping does all that reality-shattering/-bending nonsense then what the fuck do you think happens if the Agent does finally open their fucking mouth???

● also, this symbol flashed up while Bill the Henchman fell post-snap. i normally wouldn't think to screenshot such a thing, but i thought it was odd upon my most recent re-watch (bc anxiety about posting this publicly and maybe missing something, you get it) that it kind of has a hand-shape inside it? which a hand symbol + the act of snapping with one's hand correlates in an interesting way, not to mention the timing of this appearing IMMEDIATELY after the snap. but maybe it is a comic reference i am missing? maybe it is related to the Agents of the Reboot getting their own merch of some kind someday? do they get a logo, does that make sense for them to have, are they a team or...? idk. but i added it here just in case it is pertinent in some way (excuse the low resolution)

● the fucker (/tone indicator: affectionate) is within this compilation video, i will only link this video one more time in Bill The Henchman's section (below, under the "People" section)

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★★★ RED HOOD'S ANTI-HERO ACCIDENT ASSURANCES (DC only. created in a comment within thepandaredd's tiktok that then thepandaredd replied to and acted out. the comment was by @/timelordpoet1273 on tiktok. i probably didn't need to write this one but it made me laugh so im including it)

● timelordpoet273's comment: "Red Hood just starts his own insurance company. He names it Anti-Hero Accident Assurances. Nobody answers the phone, and the voiceail is swear words."

● thepandaredd, uh, i mean, Jason Todd's said voicemail (yes, i made a fucking transcription lmao pls let me live, i have chronic memory loss and my notes are my lifeblood): [voice 1] "Hello. And thank you for calling Red Hood's Anti-Hero Accident Assurances. If you are calling in regard to one of our anti-heroes, please stay on the line for a recorded message." [voice 2] "Now I know for a goddamn fact that you did not just call an insurance agency to try to file a claim against a bunch of anti-heroes that kill people for a living. Do you have any idea how much ammo fucking costs? We are out here spending our entire life savings to buy you the briefest little moments of the only life you will ever live, and you have the audacity to try and file a claim against us? What the fuck did we do, shoot out your knee-cap? Fuck you. Whatever we did is going to save you down the fucking line. Goddamn— Hang up your fucking phone."

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★★★ SUPERB PROWERS: SUPERHERO INSURANCE (DC only so far, created by thepandaredd. Marvel equivalent is "Damage Control")

↳ colloquially, it's apparently called "Superb Prowers Insurance Agency"

● Motto: "Superb Prowers insurance. If it's not a bird and it's not a plane, give us a ring and we'll do our thang." (note: Todd Andrews hates saying this at the beginning of every phone-call)

● Covers civillian damages done by superheroes + super-battles. "Our team mostly covers superhero and super-powered related accidents and injuries?"

↳ Does not cover supervillains (from damages done to said villains by superheroes) (however: Bill the Henchman was covered by them for the loss of his bones)

● is up the street from Vitriol Vindications (which is insurance for supervillains and the damages done to them by superheroes)

● confirmed workers: Todd Andrews (is one of their representatives, as in "I represent Superb Prowers Agency". more on Todd Andrews is below, has their own section with the other OCs in "People"); maybe/maybe not to be confused with Todd the Goonion Rep (section is below, under the "People" heading. where he works, The First Universal Henchmen's Union, is below, under the "Associations" heading) and/or maybe/maybe not confused with the Todd that is Bill's friend from high school (below, under "People") bc idk, guess they could all be the same guy? idk, i would assume no but maybe

↳ Todd Andrews' outfit is in their own character section, which could arguably be following the company's dress-code for its workers or be their employees' uniform or something

↳ in the first video Todd Andrews used a cell phone and paced around. second video on, Todd Andrews is seated, assumedly at a computer, and is wearing a headset with microphone attachment. not wireless. assumedly, the later is standard for all workers, the former was just Todd Andrews briefly based on materials thepandaredd had available for said skit, i mean an eccentric habit or done for the purpose of the documentary-interview style that only happened in the first video

● only one villain has called the agency, and it was Killer Shark, which that is both his civillian- and villain-name. so idk if the workers call villains by their civillian or villain identity when talking directly to them (i also assume "Cassandra", who is a few bullet-points down but still within the Superb Prowers section, is not Todd Andrews calling Cassandra Cain (or any other DC character phoentically named "Cassandra/Kassandra/etc") by her first name, esp since thepandaredd likes to play Cassandra as nonverbal in skits and Todd Andrews was on the phone. but there is also ways to use live-captions and text-to-speech, along with Deaf/HOH and nonverbal web-cam/chat services to have a hotline person call for you and whatnot, but i assume that's not what is happening here, i digress. i assume it's just a random Cassandra, and workers don't call heroes by their civillian forename)

● Insurances:

↳ ● Flashpoint Insurance: for damages in alternate timelines

↳ ● offers 2 different Gotham plans. (1) The Batman Plan; the Batman Plan has a Reckless Robin extension (only covers current Robin/s. does not cover former Robins). (2) The Bat-Family Plan (assumedly covers former Robins)

↳ ● Crisis Coverage: is a little different from Flashpoint coverage (is not explained how lol)

↳ ● Green Arrow coverage

↳ ● Bird Insurance: coverage for bird-themed superheroes, not actual birds 

↳ ● Multi-Verse Insurance: "No, sir, if a alternate universe version of you has multi-verse insurance, it does mean you are also insured."

↳ ● has Home Insurance and Buisness Insurance ("Uh, let me check. Hey, boss, are lairs covered under home insurance or buisness insurance?")

↳ not a type of insurance but important questions that have implications about the place's insurance stuff: "Okay, well, answer me this: did Superman punch your wall or did he get flown through your wall as the result of a punch?" (later) "No, you see, you're covered for him punching your wall. Not being punched through your wall." ■ "How many times do I need to tell you, Cassandra? We stopped covering sky beams last year after the Zod attack." ■ "Did you get punched by a Robin or by a former Robin? 'Cause you have the Batman plan, and that only covers one of those." ■ "What do you mean the city is just gone? What does that mea--?!" ■ "Yes, but do you have proof your house was still there before Coast City was destroyed?" ■ "Can you confirm that it was a bat-arang that hit you?" ■ "Okay, but which Superboy? Yes, it's important!" ■ "Okay, but did you get the license plate number? I don't care if it was the Bat-Mobile! Yes or no?" ■ "Okay, but which color arrow were you attacked by? No, it is important, you only have Green Arrow coverage." ■ "M'am-- M'am! The premiums are lower in Iowa than Metropolis because it's Metropolis."

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★★★ VITRIOL VINDICATIONS: VILLAINS INSURANCE (DC only so far, created by thepandaredd. Marvel equivalent is "Damage Control")

● "Vitriol Vindications: verifying villainous violations, how may I help you?"

● is insurance coverage for supervillain (for damages done to them by superheroes) (does not cover Goon Union violation claims)

● is down the street from Superb Prowers: Superhero Insurance

● knows supervillains' civillian identities

● hotline workers can curse on the phone (eg. "I'm sorry, sir, but if you didn't want food poisoning then why in the hell did you eat a Joker Fish in the first place?")

↳ also, they can smoke while on the job

● confirmed workers: unnamed character (pronouns unknown). spoke with a gravely voice, assumedly from smoking as he smokes at work (what i assume is a cigarette anyway? or a cigar? it could also be a joint, i got no clue), and also an accent (im not good at identifying accents, idk from where exactly, it sounded vaguely the East Coast variety of American). appearance of said character includes a brown jacket with sherpa lining over a black shirt, had gray pants on. (my hc for name: Sol Abagnale. the Abagnale part is in reference after "Frank Abagnale Jr", a real life white-collar criminal who has a famous film as well as semi-famous musical under the title "Catch Me If You Can" (he also kind of inspired the show "White-Collar" in the sense of how the irl Abagnale became an expert consolutant helping catch other criminals. he has recorded lectures and everything, his analytical work is insane) where one of his most routine crimes was conning banks and insurance and whatnot, and also the IRS caught his dad (Frank Senior) who Junior learned a lot of his crimes from. feels fitting. the first name has to do with me kind of fudging the name "Saul" into a more unisex phonetic variant, "Sol" (which, according to BehindTheName.com, the Jewish version of "Sol" is masculine and the Spanish+Portugeese version of "Sol" is feminine, so "Sol" itself is unisex enough for me. though, technically Saul and Sol are not related, they do SOUND very similar which is the sticking point for me), in tribute to Saul Goodman of "Breaking Bad"/"Better Call Saul" fame who did a lot of insurance fraud as a lawyer. so my pitch is combining the name of two white-collar criminals, yeah, what can i say, i love intertextual references)

↳ appearance aspects about the worker mentioned above could also be notable here on whether or not if it is related to the company's dress-code, their employees' uniform, and whatnot

↳ workers wear a headset with microphone attachment. not wireless. they also have a swivel chair with arms.

● Insurances:

↳ ● Life insurance

↳ ● Anti-Life insurance: "M'am, I'm sorry but death by Parademons is nor covered under the Anti-Life insurance plan." (which? i assume?? is a censored version of a Death insurance plan? idk anything about insurance vocabularly terms)

↳ ● Discrimination in the workplace? (im surprised that isn't Goonion paperwork, idk) ("Well, if you didn't want discrimination in the workplace, then you shouldn't have been a goon for Gorilla Grodd.")

↳ ● the Two-Face Policy ("While I cannot exactly stop you from getting the Two-Face policy, I will warn you that coverage there is pretty 50/50." → "I'm sorry, I had to, it was right there.")

↳ not a type of insurance but important questions that have implications about the place's insurance stuff: "No, Mr. Cobblepot, you cannot put life insurance policy on your penguins if you are the ones who strapped bombs to them." ■ "What do you mean your contract is in the form of a riddle?"

↳ also not a type of insurance per sey but idk what this is but i feel like i should note it down: "Oh, no, you'd be surprised: the Joker actually offers an incredible dental plan."

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★★★ EVIL LLP: VILLIANOUS ACCOUNTING (DC only so far, created by thepandaredd. probably should have a Marvel equivalent or else also exist in Marvel, idk if such exists)

● "Evil LLP: villainous accounting, how may I help you?"

● calls supervillains both by their civillian names and their villain names, but WAY moreso calls them by their villain names

● fun fact: it is a fandom joke that the Joker does not mess with the IRS (thepandaredd theorizes it is because the Joker doesn't want to end up like Al Capone and get put in actual-"you can't plead insanity this time"-prison), so Joker would be diligent about tax season (and hate it) and contacting his accountant (and hate that too), neato

● people working the hotline can curse to the customers

● confirmed workers: unnamed character (pronouns unknown). said character's appearance includes having worn glasses as well as a maroon-purpleish button-up, long-sleeve and with gray pants. drinks out of a red, tall drinkwear (no lid, no straw, not a tumbler) which is an odd enough detail i thought i would mention it (maybe he works remote and it is their kitchenware? maybe the Evil LLP office just has that type of kitchenware? idk. i know its just thepandaredd's kitchenware and isn't meant to be scrutinized, but i am detail-oriented and have AuDHD, let me live). (hc name: Brooklyn Kennedy Collector. because i recenrly found out Collector is a real surname and that feels fitting for an accountant. also, i think "The Collector" is a kind of cool villain allias? maybe this accountant was a taxes-related villain before pivoting? idk, probably not, but what i do really like is the idea of experienced villains scaring newbies with boogeyman stories of "The Collector" and about not paying your taxes on time as a way of hazing them before their first appointment with this specific character from Evil LLP who is like "What? No? Turbotax is way scarier than me, the fuck". as for Brooklyn, it is unisex, literally means "broken land" which feels fitting for a neutral person many territorial villains go to, as in the literal "groundbreaking" ceremony. but also Brooklyn can lead to the nickname "Brookie" which i think would be funny for this character to be like "...Only my [insert loved one here. eg: signicant other, sibling, etc] can get away with calling me that" when villains inevitably make Brookie The Bookie jokes. and i usually don't add middle-names to my hc names bc i usually only do middle-names if the culture the character is from has a middle-name as part of its naming conventions. but i gave this hc name one because "Brooklyn Collector" does not sound quiet like a real person's name, to me. but if you told me i went to school with a "Brooklyn Kennedy Collector" then that sounds vaguely familar and id be like "Oh? Remind me who they are?" rather than "What? We did?" with disbelief in my tone. i did look up what the name Kennedy means tho, on my beloved BehindTheName search-engine, which means either "armored head" (cool!) or "mishappen head" (rude!) which i think encompasses the level of mixed sanity-and-insanity you have to have in order to be villain's accountant lol)

↳ appearance aspects about the worker mentioned above could also be notable in case it is related to the company's dress-code, their employees' uniform, and so on

↳ workers wears a headset with microphone attachment. not wireless. they also have a swivel chair with arms.

● tax account comments and questions since i know next to nothing of tax info and will likely need this as reference if i ever include this company: "Joker, I need your tax returns yesterday. What the fuck do you mean you haven't filed them?" ■ "Black Manta, it says here you have an expense for the League of Villainous Chimney Sweepers, what the fuc--" ■ "So let me make sure I am understanding this correctly. You are going to hire a bunch of people to hide trophies all throughout the city? With what fucking money, Nigma?" ■ "Penny-Pincher, if you pay me again by mailing me a literal bag of fucking pennies, I will find you." ■ "Joker, I just got a call from the Goonion that you haven't been paying your workers? ...No, not killing them is not a form of legal tender!" ■ "Wait a minute, you buy all the penguins? Who is selling you that many penguins?! I thought you just found them!" ■ "Wait, Bizzaro, do you have the check or not? I don't understand!" ■ "Well, don't come crying to me when VOSCA gets on your ass. Yes, I said 'VOSCA': Villainous OSCA, keep up!" (i assume this was a continuation of the last line to the Joker, it feels implied, but idk) ■ "How do none of you understand how money works?!"

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★★★ THE FIRST UNIVERSAL HENCHMAN'S UNION (aka: THE GOONION, or sometimes THE GOON UNION) (DC only so far, created by thepandaredd. probably should have a Marvel equivalent or else also exist in Marvel, idk if henchman union exists there of if the Goonion is implied to also be there) (i have shockingly little info on this considering how often it is brought up. huh. NOTE TO SELF: to rewatch some of thepandaredd's youtube compilation videos to see if im missing anything)

● Their motto: "Facere Malum Stercore Tuto" which is Latin for "Do bad shit safely"

↳ according to thepandaredd's merch: "Established in 2000"? i feel like that is a joke or reference i am missing, which makes me unsure of how literally to take it. i would've assumed it was older. i mean. i guess it technically could have been? like, in the sense that these guys are labeled the "First Universal Goonion" which implies maybe some villains had their own union of goons (definitely not Joker considering his implied VOSCA violations, above, under Evil LLP's section, still within the "Associations" heading) before it became a overall branching DC thing? which, if so, i do not envy the fuckers who had to unionize the Joker or Lexcorp goons, they probably did some union-busting, esp pre-2000 if that as the year the Goonion became universal in that sense, jfc. (edit of note: i have found the Todd The Goon Rep skit within the 2021 July compilation video, i am definitely correct about Lexcorp union-busting at least ■ edit of note ×2: i aM FULLY CORRECT. 2024 March 1st (or the compilation due to come out after March is over, since it is still March as of editing this docket) has a skit with Bill The Henchman doing work-trips with long flights for the Joker. and the Joker says "Hahaha, [The Goonion] is not a real thing!" and "Just to remind you, if I see you peddling that Goonion garbage all over that Comic-con, I swear to god, I will come to your house and rip those femurs out myself". so the Joker has dismissively resentful anti-Goonion opinions to the point that would imply he would love to union-bust/ignore it.) (or maybe "universal" is a reference to "cross-fandoms/brands"? because there is a Cobra Command, "G.I. Joe" joke pre-Bill-reboot (look at Bill The Henchman's section below, under the "People" heading)? which their most famous and long-running comic form is with Marvel Comics (though they also had a run with DC Comics for two individual issues, as well as Devil's Due, IDW Publishing, Custom Comics, and more). but, as aforementioned: idk how the reboot plays into that, and also idk how seriously i should take that since it was a gag for a one-off skit. idk...) (edit: wait, i forgot Marvel Comics also has The Solomon Institute For The Criminally Insane (also, and more popularly, known as: The Taskmaster's Academy), which is a trade-school where Anthony Masters (Taskmaster) teaches henchmen how to hench and get them a type of goon-certification as per the nature of trade-school. which, fun fact, the students there are called "Taskmaster's Acolytes", and originally this school started as a front? but then Taskmater went "actually, I have found my passion" which is aw, so sweet, wish it wasn't about murder and crime. but yeah, i checked the wiki because i couldn't remember if we ever saw anyone's certificate and, apparently, graduating meant you were now cleared for super-villany. so while youre there, you're a henchman. when you graduate, you're a villain. wild. though still not a henchman union, like, irl, we have both "places to get a teaching certification" and also a "union for teachers". this is just adjacent additional item to Marvel's henchmen situation, not an equivalent to the Goonion if that makes sense. so. uh, there is also that in the middle of this "is the Goonion omniuniversal?" spiral i am in, and that is Marvel-only as far as i am aware. still worth mentioning tho)

● there's possibly member-training? assumedly it is villain specific training, as you get hired then trained bc we have seen that before (evidence: (1) a skit within this compilation where a newbie was given the run-down working to the Joker about the dress-code and "just take the fall" if Batman/Robin come (Bill the Henchman was in the background, off-screen), and (2) another skit from this compilation where Bill The Henchman himself was translating the meanings to the various Bat-fam symbols to a newbie goon and the Red Hood interrupted) but maybe it is Goonion overall-villain's-henchman training, i have no clue. but in a skit (from 2021 October) where a Mr. Freeze goon (actually is the Red Hood faking being a goon the whole time? or knocked said goon out and took their place? unclear) was being given shit by Bill for not wearing a mask during COVID (more on the Goonion's opinion on COVID face-masks below in a few bullet-points) came back with a Cobra helmet that said goon (The Red Hood) had trouble taking off, Bill grumbled "How the fuck did you make it out of training?" before helping (could be referring to Cobra training or Goonion? again, idk)

↳ which there are Bat-fam symbol code btw, idk if that skit's code was for all goons or just that specific villain's workplace: Yellow circle = Bruce Wayne (Batman) is in a good mood, will probably let you keep knee-caps □ No yellow circle, just a black bat = you're probably going to lose a couple of bones from Batman (idk if that is accurate post Bill the Henchman's reboot. anyway.) ■ Any variation of a red bat, spikey or otherwise = don't bother screaming, gunshots will be heard and that is enough warning. Likely is Kate Kane (Batwoman) who does not have a no-gun rule. could also be Jason Todd (Red Hood) who also doesn't have a no-gun rule. also, sometimes the Red Hood has a red V-mask, and sometimes Red Hood's design is closer to a red bird design on his chest. ■ Blue bird or blue V-symbol = Dick Grayson (Nightwing) will give you a couple bruises and send you home ■ Yellow bat = probably be worried. □ Red hair (Barbara Gordon (Batgirl → Oracle)), probably going to get the shit kicked out of you, same as No-yellow-circle Batman. □ No hair and no mouth (Cassandra Cain (Batgirl → Orphan)), same rules as red bat, you will probably dead. □ Blonde hair (Stephanie Brown (Robin, Batgirl → Spoiler)), "you can kill that one". which. that is so foul, Jay Morton, what the fuck lol □ "[Generally,] The yellow bat follows the R-rule." ■ The R-rule = "Every single Robin has their own fucking deal." □ If the R is blocky = probably not going to get beat up too bad, unless the kid is very mad, then you might get thrown off a roof. (definitely Jason Todd (Robin → The Red Hood), maybe also Dick Grayson (Robin → Nightwing). i know Jason Todd threw a domestic abuser off a roof and claimed the guy "fell". idk if Dick ever did similar) □ if it is a Spikey R with no yellow circle = Tim Drake (Robin → Red Robin) get hit in the face with a metal pole a few times. same for if it is a Yellow Bird, Tim Drake (Red Robin) will just be hitting you harder □ if the R has just one spike = you will likely die bc Damian Wayne (Robin) has a sword. Red Hood also has a sword, but only sometimes, it's mainly Damian's thing ■ idk why i would ever need this for a fic or something but now i fucking got it just in case, i guess. glad that hypotheical-me won't have to search for this. but yeah, idk if this system is Goonion stuff or a specific villain or just something Gotham-henchmen set up independently, but ill put it here for lack of anywhere better

↳ Bill the Henchman said to Todd His Friend From High School that "it's a really rough career to get into, just to let you know. There's a ton of onboarding processes, super-villains all have their own hiring things, there's the Goonion that you got to sign up for just by obligation."

● Goonion buildings don't allow alcohol in their facilities (Bill took a break in one such building, an unnamed co-worker interupted his break and asked for a drink, and Bill said there was no alcohol here for that reason. idk how the logistics work on if villain buildings (or safehouses) have to be Goonion, if goons prefer to take breaks in a seperate Goonion building in which case does the commute count as part of their break, is this just the overall building similar to a temp agency building in which case why was Bill taking a break in one...? cool detail in theory, very confusing in application to someone as ignorant in temp-work as me). this was mentioned in the Man-Bat skit within 2021 November's compilation

↳ very likely works often with VOSCA (Villainous OSCA, was brought up in Evil LLP's section above, still under the "Associations" heading) ■ also has some sort of connection to Superb Prowers (section is above, still within the "Associations" heading) since their insurance covered Bill's loss of bones

● Works all over the country, sending goons on assignment as needed and where and with what uniforms and etc

● Mask mandates (for COVID) - report to the Goonion for not wearing one. even villain henchmen (esp if their villain is an evil scientist) gotta stay safe ✌️ (Bill the Henchman is esp big on that they protect each other in this way)

● Goons in the union get breaks (as in, like 30 min break, lunch break, etc)

● i assume there is some protection for long-distance assignments? like, Bill the Henchman (Bill's section is below, under the "People" heading) got sent on a 16-hour flight by the Joker to give Bane a pie and another flight to go to Comic-Con. i assume there was financial compensation (both in the sense of a wage increase for the inconvenience, as i know a few jobs get that (many more... don't, but hey, maybe the Goonion got it) because the idea of "your shift hours" also becomes messier though that is more likely if Bill is paid hourly; as well as not paying for your own plane ticket or Comic-con ticket in these examples) and other such work-travel-trips protections (evidentally, there is no protection for how much buffer-time between said trips there has to be, as Bill was sent to Comic-con immediately after the pie but still)

● confirmed members: Bill the Professional Henchman (look at Bill's section in "People" for his co-workers. i don't know which ones are in the union and which ones are out of union. he is very big on the Goonion and helping each other and whatnot, carries merch and everything, biggest advocate, love that for him) ■ Alex (pronouns unknown. was mentioned in Todd the Goonion Rep's skit as a confirmed Goonion member, working as a Bane henchman who is a victim of wage-theft and not-up-to-code company housing via pit/sewers. assumedly is not the same Alex that Ted works with (most of the info on this Ted section's can be found below, under the "People" heading. bc, yeah, for one thing, that Alex lives in a duplex and not in the pits/sewers). Alex wears a beige-white sleeveless torn up t-shirt with a black beanie. will not be getting their own section as this is all i know about Alex)

↳ note: members have ID badges (example of Bill's is in Bill The Henchman's character section)

● confirmed workers: Todd The Goonion Rep (look at that Todd's section down below, under "People". also, technically Todd's job-title is much more formal title of "Traveling Representative for the First Universal Henchmen's Union" but Goonion Rep is snappier); maybe/maybe not confused with Todd Andrews (section is below, under the "People" heading. where he works, Superb Powers, is above, under the "Associations" heading) and/or maybe/maybe not confused with the Todd that is Bill's friend from high school (below, under "People") because i guess all these Todds could be the same guy, but i assume they are not, but you can feel free to hc them as such

↳ Todd The Goonion Rep's outfit is in their section, which is notable here because it could arguably be following the company's dress-code, be their employees' uniform, and so on. assumedly, since members have ID badges, so should Todd The Goonion Rep, thepandaredd just hasn't had the prop yet? fair lmao

↳ not "competition" but definitely confirmed people to not be on the workers' side: Alan (who is a Lexcorp union-buster (lawyer?) person in sunglasses, black suit with black button-up and gold tie. pronouns unknown) ■ "Matches" Malone(?) (which is a DC-canon undercover-alter-ego of Bruce Wayne (Batman) when he wants to try to submerge himself in the crime world)

● their workers can curse on-call (eg. "Oh, yeah, to be perfectly candid: I hear some fucking wild stories.")

● their workers (and also their members? i think?? p sure that is a yes) tend to call villains by their villain-name rather than their civilian-name

● not technically "Goonion info" but is important stuff that have implications about how the place is run (all said in the Todd The Goonion Rep skit): "Riddler, how many times do I need to fucking tell you that: if you are going to use goons as part of your traps, you need to have multiple signed consent forms by both them, a witness, and yourself beforehand?" ■ "As the traveling representative of the Goonion, my job is to travel around the country, talking to various goons and henchmen of both major and minor super-villains, just to make sure they are being both treated fairly and safely within the workplace. Which, honestly, they, uh, they very rarely are." ■ Todd: "So, Alex, it says here that you are a Bane henchmen. However, I can't seem to find any wages listed. So, what does the pay for that look like?" / Alex: "Of course I don't have wages listed, we don't get paid. ...Wait, are we supposed to be getting paid?" / Todd: "Mmhm. I see. I also can't seem to find an address." / Alex: "Oh, I was thinking you were going to ask about that. We all kind of live communally in a pit, or sometimes the sewer." / Todd: "Do you know if this pit is up to code?" / Alex: "I mean, yeah, it's a fine pit. It's probably up to code. We get cable and everything. But, uh, now that you mention it: we do shit in buckets and live in cells, so I'm not particularly sure." / Todd: "Oh, that is definitely a violation of some kind." ■ Todd: "Who the fuck steals both of someone's femurs?" / Bill the Professional Henchmen: "Oh, yeah, you think that's bad? I should tell you about where his kid cut my fucking hand off." / Todd: "His kid did what?!" ■ "Y'know, contrary to popular belief: crime pays very, very well. Like, shit, what do you think, like, 90% of Gotham's economy is? It's just that often times you need to enforce that the workers are actually going to see the fruits of that labor." ■ Todd: "(Groaningly sighs) Hello, Alan." / Alan: "Hello, Todd." / Todd: "Let me guess, you're here on behalf of Lexcorp again to try to break up the union." / Alan: "Now, Todd, you know that we at Lexcorp are not against unions. We simply believe they are detrimental to our bottom-lin— uh, I mean, our overall workforce. And, in fact, I am actually here to join your union. For I think that I too deserve equal safety and pay and rights." / Todd: "Buddy, I work with professional criminals on a daily basis. I can see that you are wearing a wire." / Alan: "Now, how could you say such a... silly... thing? Abort, abort, I need to get out of here." / Todd: "If you just joined, you wouldn't have to piss in bottles anymore!" / Alan: "The official statement of Lexcorp is that we do not, in fact, have to do that!" ■ "If you would like to support your local community of contract criminals, goons, and henchmen: we do have t-shirts available. And, as the motto always says: do bad shit, safely." ■

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★★★ VILLAINS OF (HERO) SUPPORT GROUP (exists for DC and Marvel, created by thepandaredd. i definitely do not need to include this, but i thought it would be funnier if i did)

● there is one for Captain America (p safe to assume it is Steve Rogers' Captain America. Marvel) and one for Superman (p safe to assume it is Clark Kent's Superman. DC) so far. the therapist in charge of either is unnamed, but both have glasses and button-ups (tho the Superman one came in late after getting black-out drunk and taking a nap, and came in with a black t-shirt)

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----------------- people ----------------

★★★ TODD ANDREWS (DC Comics OC)

● unknown pronouns

● works hotline for the insurance company called Superb Prowers (listed above under "Associations"). spoke will Bill The Professional Henchman to help him with his insurance over the phone for his bone-loss claim

● appearance: wears glasses. Wore a white button-up long-sleeve in one video, wore a black t-shirt in one video, wore a black long-sleeve in a third video; every time had black pants(? or at least dark. may be sweatpants, which fair). Plays with a pen a lot (in one video, i think it is a capped pen; in another video it is, i think, a clicky pen which makes Todd slowly and silently clicks at one point while speaking/listening to a call. and i say "plays with" and what i mean is "has it in Todd's hand, between their fingers" a lot. i assumed Todd uses it like a fidget to spin or tap Todd's own chin with, but that is not seen; but Todd slowly + silently clicking the clicky variety is seen. this is too much overexplanation about a fucking pen)

↳ wears a headset with microphone attachment for work. not wireless. sits in a swivel chair with arms at work

● i assume this Todd Andrews is not the same Todd that Bill The Henchman went to high school with. (also, is definitely not the Tood The Goonion Rep) more on why i think that in Todd-(assumedly-not-Andrews)'s (as well as Todd-of-the-Goonion's) section below, is still within the "People" section

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★★★ "THE GUY" (DC Comics OC)

↳ as in "Alfred, call the guy"

● unknown name. confirmed to go by he/him pronouns

● adoption social worker agent, maybe insurance agent? probably, i assume. nothing is confirmed, which is the point

● no further specific details known. i will never make hcs about this character; he is supposed to be a mystery

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★★★ KEVIN (their first Marvel OC! that's rare for thepandaredd! yay!)

● unknown surname, unknown pronouns.

● was in exactly one skit about Marvel, which is unusual for thepandaredd, almost everybody else is a DC Comics OC

● designed the Sentinels' visually (The Sentinel Project are the giant robots who hunt mutants in X-Men). im ngl, i think thepandaredd forgot Bolivar Trask specifically already exists lol but maybe not, as thepandaredd did remember to include the headline "Trask Industries (mid 60s)" in the tiktok. hey! maybe Trask did the idea and/or engineering and hired Kevin as an artist, or maybe Trask pitched the idea after Kevin sold him on it and it's like a "Steve Jobs and all the unnamed workers who came up with the iPhone ideas" scenario (Kevin did at one point say "The President loved it", so Bolivar Trask could be President, sure), idk, i only know of Trask vaguely from the 90s "X-Men: The Animated Series" show i watched as a toddler and from the "X-Men: Days of Future Past" movie i watched a decade ago in theaters, maybe i'm the one forgetting shit, i dont pay attention to what is the generally accepted Bolivar Trask lore bc i dont care about the character, personally. Peter Dinklage is cool tho

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★★★ BILL (THE PROFESSIONAL HENCHMAN) (DC Comics OC)

info that is unknown bc of The Reboot Agent stuff (the video of which i am only linking once and it is here) is [[[ bracketed ]]] already but i will also make it [[[ green ]]] inside the brackets for your guys' convenience

● he/him, unknown surname. (hc full name: William "Bill" Bail. i have a whole scene planned for Bill attempting to be vulnerable by giving an OC of mine his surname as a sign of trust, as he doesn't do that as a way of protecting his relatives/identity from the villains that employ him, followed by my OC fully not believing his surname is real and busting Bill's chops about it. it works for my needs, and i personally dont agree with the handful of fans i see that hc his surname should be Hench or Henchman though i do love their energy, that is a v funny joke. i just wanted a different variety of a jokey surname. uh, but, yeah! Bail is a real surname, and the surname itself is actually a diminutive of "bailiff". as in the job. which a bailiff is a officer of the court who keeps order and "looks after prisoners" (ie. "A bailiff is a manager, overseer or custodian – a legal officer to whom some degree of authority or jurisdiction is given. Bailiffs are of various kinds and their offices and duties vary greatly.") which is all a vast simplification of bailiffs but i think it is a cute simplification for Bill's character specifically)

● confirmed to have worked runs with Joker, Two-Face, Black Mask, Penguin, Mr Freeze, Riddler (and also maybe Lex Luthor? it is implied due to how much Bill knows about Lexcorp working conditions, and also the Jimmy Olsen stuff as mentioned below)

↳ idk if this is still accurate post-reboot [[[ an unnamed co-worker worked at Cobra Commander (Cobra Headquarters in Springfield) earlier that week, is one of the places the Goonion sends people. Bill maybe has, maybe has not been there? idk, he seemed to know about how to take the helmet off but maybe Bill just saw the latch. hard to tell when the whole dialogue is "There's a latch" when he's already looking at the helmet. i assume no, Bill has not worked for Cobra, because he said "there's a latch" so late in the skit and also from what he said "Wait, so that's another villain's henchman?! That's even worse!" so he didn't know the uniform(?) which implies he didn't work there (which is odd bc he also said "Yes, because the Cobra Commander helmet is so much more reasonable to just have in your car?! Why do you even have that?!" so he recognized it. i guess he just thought it was cosplay instead of another henchman uniform, idk). you could make an argument either way, i guess, hc away lol ]]]

↳ answers phonecalls as "You got Bill."

↳ texts his bosses stuff like "On it, boss."/"Yes, sir. You got it, boss."/"On my way. Will do, boss."/"Yes, sir. On it, boss."/"Okay, boss. Be back soon." even though he'd rather yell (this is mainly @Joker)

↳ (this happened post-reboot) knows Jimmy Olsen well enough that Jimmy recognizes him on sight alone; meaning he has very fucking likely also worked for Metropolis villains (such as but not limited to Lex Luthor) and has faced Superman often

● appearance: generally always wears a black ball-cap hat (didn't use to way back but it is a thing by now), a necklace tucked into his shirt (i cant tell what his necklace is. is it a sparkplug necklace? → edit: NOPE. it's from 2022 January's PO Box Unboxing, it's "Skele-Gro: Bone Regenerator". it's a tube of amber-yellow liquid, with a pale yellow label, on a silver chain, with a silver skull-and-crossbones charm). he dresses in all black most of the time. generally wears t-shirts or long-sleeves, usually of the monochromatic variety (almost always a gray/black plain shirt with no graphic, except for in "How the Bat Boy treat henchmen" skit where he wore a few different shirts, and the skit with him and the 16 hour flight stuff where he wore thepandaredd's Lord Deathman merch shirt) (the red-gray henley Bill wore in his first ever tiktok appearance as the first goon ever beat up by a Robin? is generally ignored, hence the strike-through here). and sometimes wears a black jacket (which, generally, is a black denim jacket). does possess Goonion merch.

↳ optional-to-read waffling about the Skele-grow necklace: further confirmation of this indeed being necklace that Bill wears is in this 2022 July compilation, where Bill forgot to tuck his necklace into his shirt and you can see the amber-gold Skele-Grow bottle and the teeny skull-and-crossbones charm. more importantly, you can also see it in the September 2022 compilation, which is the one that features Bill getting shot by Alfred Pennyworth which then leads him into the reboot event in April 2023 compilation where he doesn't have a necklace? but that could be just a prop error (either in the sense "it is there, it just accidentally was hidden from the camera by being tucked into the shirt and whatnot" or in the sense that "it was forgotten on accident but was meant to be there"). plus the Instagram post mentioned a few bullet points down says Bill still has a necklace. i just dont know if it is the same one or not. i, personally, see the necklace as an extension or representation of Bill's connection with his audience and creator, and therefore connected to his Fourth Wall Breaks and everything Madoka-Magic-y i mention in a later bullet-point within Bill's section. so i will be very interested to see if this necklace is lost or not (to simplify his rebooted form additionally in the sense of less bone loss, maybe even no more Fourth Wall breaks? idk, maybe. the Agent Of The Reboot was Fourth Wall breaking a lot and Bill was confused, maybe it was out of overwhelmed panic but all those references went over Bill's head. there wasn't any "You can see them too?!" or anything. but who knows! could just be a prop error. maybe when the instagram post listed in lower bullet-point within this section talked about "a necklace always tucked into his shirt", it about the Skele-grow necklace, maybe it was about a wholly new necklace, whooo knowwwss ...i personally would like to know tho, so i do hope thepandaredd does another untucked-necklace Bill video so i can see if it Bill is still wearing a Skele-grow necklace or is it a new necklace)

↳ mid-reboot/post-reboot version has a white streak in his hair, confirmed in the tiktok Agent Reboot video itself idk the video's title

↳ in the Agent Reboot video, Bill also freaks out about how his hat has changed. which the hat he wore when Alfred Pennyworth shot him for breaking in to get Lord Deathman was a plain, all black baseball cap. and mid-reboot freak-out looks like an identically plain, all black baseball cap (to me, anyway). maybe that was a gag that went over my head. maybe it was a sentiment about how well-cared for Bill's things are that he would notice someone switching out his hat for an identical one like it. idk, to my inexperienced eye, it looks like the same hat lol

↳ optional aspect of appearance: leg-braces as "femur transplants are not fool-proof".

↳ note: most of this info comes from thepandaredd's 25 February 2024 instagram post (+ the leg-braces bit was posted by thepandaredd in that post's comment section) unless otherwise stated

↳ also, in the June 2022 compilation there is a PO Box Unboxing, an unnamed fan gave Bill his own Goonion badge. so that is also part of Bill's props assumedly. unlike most of the other badges we have seen in thepandaredd (vertical), the Goonion badge is the only horizontal one which makes me specifically happy bc i prefer horizontal badges. anyway. the info on it, i cannot read because it is too pixelated even at youtube's highest resolution at 2160p, alas. but thepandaredd reads out some of its info says the following: "His height has a little asterisk next to it saying his height was 6'3" before his femurs removed and now he is back to 6'1". Which is, oh my god, I love that. Also, his hair is just listed as 'Yes' and his eyes are listed as 'Currently two'; this is, this is fucking genius." so. there is that lmao i love the badge

● Injuries sustained:

↳ idk how much of this is still accurate post-reboot [[[ lost his bones before (eg. all the bones in his legs more than once. was covered by the Goonion tho. said bones are kept in a box on a bookshelf openly labeled "Spare Bones" apparently as uncovered when Bill broke into Wayne Manor to free Lord Deathman, though it is unconfirmed if Bill took any of the bones he had found and how many in the box were his or if the box was labeled that as a joke but actually contained something else). lost his femur x2 in one year, had to go in surgery both times. shot in both kneecaps by Red Hood. was put on fire "back in the early days" by Red Hood. generally been beat up by the Batfam weapons (eg. Tim Drake's bo-staff to Bill's legs). has been dropped off a roof by Batman (breaks legs, cops come get you). ]]] okay, instagram post by thepandaredd in 25 February 2024 confirms the femur replacements happened, as an optional thing Bill can wear is leg-braces since "femur transplants aren't fool-proof"

↳ idk if this is still true bc reboot [[[ note for age: Bill was The First Goon to ever get beat up by a 10 year-old Robin (assumedly Dick Grayson). i wouldnt be surprised if this was noncanonical because then it means Bill is a minimum of 6+, 8+ years older than 10 year-old Dick Grayson (Nightwing) (therefore making Bill 16, 18 years old when he was beat up, at minimum)? more likely is considered "an adult" in comparison to said Robin's then-age, so i'd go higher than 8 years older than a 10 year-old. idk how old Bill canonically is, but if it differs with that information then this would be noncanonical ]]] [[[ (also beat said Robin (again, safe to assume Dick Grayson) in second meeting, and Batman then beat Bill the fuck up and "did unspeakable things to my bones" so assumedly that was the first time Bill got his bones stolen) ]]]

↳ [[[ "Alfred, Get The Guy" and Other Probably-Non-Canonical Skits: has been "turned off" (stopped fucking existing for a sec). i seriously doubt that was ever canon for Bill, but the reboot happened so i assume the reboot doubly-so kills this ]]]

↳ idk if this counts bc reboot [[[ chronic issue: lost ability to feel temperature bc of fire (a Robin set him on fire? unclear which one, implied lots of time has passed so unlikely to be Damian Wayne) ]]]

↳ also a chronic issue: it's implied in one of the Lord Deathman videos (when Bill is going to break out Lord Deathman from the Wayne Manor as per Joker's request. the following occurs right before Bill texts the Joker) that Bill has tinnitus. i assume that is still true post-reboot because it is a small enough chronic injury, it makes sense, sure. but yeah, we hear the "ears ringing" sound during a scene where Bill has laid down to rest and relax before he looks at his phone

↳ can (sometimes? always? idk) speak Fourth Wall, likely because of a side-effect of how many times he has been hit in the head. i assume this still works in spite of the reboot, since Bill was able to, not only talk to the Reboot Agent, but very importantly: have the ability to have woken up mid-reboot. both of those things are likely related to this Fourth Wall Breaking ability. however, also, the Agent kept saying Fourth Wall breaks and Bill did not have a "You can see them too?!" reaction, but rather a very confused and overwhelmed panic reaction where he did not seem to get the references. so maybe he has now lost the ability. i have no idea

↳ my hc add-on as to why Bill was enabled to wake up mid-reboot: do you remember seeing just all of "Madoka Magica"? spoilers for that incoming (or you at least have seen Danny Motta's reaction series to it on youtube, assuming if you're like me and that show has triggers you don't want to risk potentially triggering yourself by watching the show but. like. you do want to know the events, impact, and pop-culture references) where Homura's love for Madoka to keep jumping into timelines to try to save her is singularly what ends up making Madoka the chosen one? because she was loved to that point? that even the universe took notice of her and claimed her as its prodigal child, because the universe reflects what we (in this cause: Homura specifically) puts into it? yeah, i hc that's Bill and this audience. that he just was likely some nameless goon, like a lot of thepandaredd OCs, but because fans (and thepandaredd) loved Bill so much, they took this throwaway skit character mid-overall-creation and gave Bill life where life was intended for him to be miscellaneous. hell, Bill even wears a Skele-Gro necklace from a fan in a PO Box Unboxing video that thepandaredd did a short skit mid-PO-Box-video of Bill receiving (at least i assume that is what he is wearing, he does keep it under his shirt). Bill became important enough to even be rebooted, much less wake up mid-reboot, because of how much he is loved. it's arguably why he has some on/off low-level Fourth Wall breaks too (we don't see that consistently be a thing for other goons). maybe im getting a little too Grant Morrison's "Animal Man" or, hell, even just fucking "The Velveteen Rabbit" by Margery Williams. because Bill's plot is still overall (to steal a line from Jo O'Connor's "Mind Blind"* game tag-line:) "A Story Where You Are NOT The Chosen One!" in a world of Supermans and billionaires and other lucky and not-so-lucky bastards. but still. the love is there, and it is important; and maybe it doesn't make Bill's life better, but it matters that it is still there. but i digress [ *: and bc i fucking love that game, here is the link to the free demo version of Mind Blind. go to Jo's patreon if you want more after the demo]

● confirmed co-workers: idk bc reboot [[[ Scott (unknown pronouns. was beat up by Batman while Bill was "the first goon to be beat up by Robin"). that's all that is known about Scott, so Scott does not have an individual section. also, we never saw Scott, so we have no idea what Scott looks like ]]] ■ [[[ Ted (he/him pronouns. was name-dropped in "how the Bat Boys treat henchman" video. was thrown out of a 73-odd story building window by Man-Bat; is dead. that's all the info i have on Ted, so i won't give Ted his own OC section. we also have no idea what this Ted looks like, we never saw this Ted on-screen. the skit featuring him is in the November 2021 compilation) (edit: possibly/arguably more about Ted, post-reboot, is below. maybe could be same Ted character, maybe could be a totally different Ted. idk. but this Ted has their own section) ]]] ■ [[[ John (he/him pronouns. was probably never canon. but he was mentioned alongside Bill in a skit about an old goon complaining about younger people calling Terry by Batman in "Batman Beyond", where John was a goon that Batman smiled at and John is "still at Arkham to this day, he never recovered from that"). that's all that is known about John so no an individual section. also, we never saw John either so there are no notes about that either ]]] + a bunch of unnamed co-worker goons lol

● idk bc reboot [[[ had jury duty with Bruce Wayne. is meant to imply he was present for (and that this is based off of) the famous "Bruce admits he is Batman because of Jury Duty and everyone in the courtroom laughs" comic. said courtcase was about the unnamed goon Bill and Batman briefly interacted with that got shot in the crotch because said goon insisted on keeping a gun under their waistband ]]]

● calls his work "independent contractor" and "this freelance thing, working where I can" // when not hiding his job, has called himself a "hench for hire"

● lives at "Company housing" // does indeed live in Gotham, is occasionally shipped on assignment outside of Gotham by the Goonion per aforementioned implications (plus, explicitly has been sent out by his bosses. namely Joker, who once had Bill go on a 16 hour flight to send Bane a pie in-person that assumedly had a bomb in it as well as Joker having assigned Bill to attend Comic-con. (which was post-reboot, as a fun fact, so it definitely happened). but yeah, i assume the habit happens outside of that specific event in terms of both the Joker sending Bill out long-distances as well as other villains also sending him out to far-off places. just. for more grounded reasons than the Joker lol)

● idk bc reboot [[[ knows a Todd from high school (wore a wire for the G.C.P.D., pretended to be into henching), tho Todd never graduated. nonetheless, Todd does have a section below ]]] 

● idk if this counts bc reboot [[[ tried to become a cop (G.C.P.D.) with a fake mustache, under tha name "Will. Just Will", even though 60% of Gotham cops are dirty + the good ones (eg Commissioner Gordon) knew Joker had only just broken out of jail and assembled a crew. Comissioner Gordon has personally arrested Bill over 50 times, he immediately knew it was Bill ]]]

● idk bc reboot [[[ was shown where the Bat Cave was by Cassandra when she made him help her dispose of Lord Deathman's corpse Joker made bc she had "tiny hands". he used this information to later free Lord Deathman. i would bet Bill knowing this info did not survive the reboot but who knows ]]]

● Bill chooses to work for villains instead of Wayne Industries because he sees billionaire Bruce Wayne as a villain too; and, between the two, he'd rather work with the villain with style (aka: Batman villains). this admission technically happened pre-reboot but i assume it is still his opinion

● idk bc reboot but i assume yes, still true, but just in case [[[ Bill is anti-smoking. does not seem to like it even if it's people smoking around him, will get all Disappointed Yet Sassy on other goons smoking. i assume this goes for cigarettes, cigars, joints etc; but the skit only implied cigarettes ]]]

● i assume this still counts in spite of the reboot, but idk, ill make it green anyway just in case [[[ Bill doesn't have kids. and assumedly from the following dialogue line, he doesn't ever want kids. there is an implication that he could have had kids, and idk if that was an implication as in (1) a significant other and him had a talk and likely mutually agreed to an abortion, (2) he and a significant other broke up because they wanted kids and he did not (and assumedly said partner had kids p soon afterwards with, like, their very next partner or so, hence why there would be a "could have been me" sentiment), (3) Bill had the oppurtunity to take a kid/some kids in as their guardian but chose not to (eg. as a step-parent, as in kinship care or kinship adoption, as a foster care or a foster child wanting to become Bill's kid, or maybe Bill got close with a kid in a non-foster setting and said kid wanted Bill to foster them/to be their legal guardian, idk), or (4) Bill almost donated to a sperm bank but decided not (or maybe he did donate and checked off the "never contact me" box and considers that still "not having kids". i personally think "no" to this bc i find the sperm bank system in the USA really corruptable and un-regulated, and i don't like that sperm-donor-kids don't have access to their sperm donor's medical records even in cases of medical emergencies/genetic disabilities or chronic illnesses that skipped the sperm donor (or that the sperm donor didn't realize they had, since so much of the sperm donation process is the fucking honor system and sometimes people get late diagnosed and sometimes certain genes activate later in life for a random reason) but did not skip the sperm-donor-kid/etc). in the Lord Deathman skit where Bill and Cassandra Cain (Oracle) bag up Lord Deathman. after she asks him for help carrying the bags, he grumbles "You have got to be fucking kidding me. You are the exact reason why I didn't have kids." before saying "I'll grab my coat!" with frustration. and, yes, all of this theorizing is because the verb-usage "didn't", as in "I could have had kids but I did not" (rather than using a line like "You're the reason I never want kids", where the diction would not have backstory implications), is very interesting to me lmao ]]]

↳ i personally have the hc that, as a connection of Bill's Fourth Wall breaks, similar to how the Joker knows he is in a comic and that the people he kills do not matter ("They're extras" to quote Bakugou), Bill knows he is in a comic and doesn't see much point in having kids. i also personally tie this in with his "Wayne Industries/Bruce Wayne is also a villain" belief in the sense that Bill either still has memories or else has unconscious premonitions from having been a nameless background character in "Bruce Wayne reconstruction stories that show how unstable Bruce/Batman is as a hero" comic stories. like. what is the point of having kids in that kind of enviroment where they could be Superman's "The Man Who Has Everything"-ified and you get rebooted and forced to forget/"forget" your own kids? then the verb usage of "didn't" could be "why I didn't have kids in this timeline". maybe he remembers or has vague premonitions abiut being a dad before (and maybe Bill didn't like being a dad? idk). i think it brings a new touch to his exhaustion in (the Lord Deathman video when Alfred Pennyworth shot him which featured) that scene of him having tinnitus, where he is just tired and sad and needs a break from all this

● i assume this still counts in spite of the reboot, but idk, ill make it green anyway just in case [[[ Bill can read ASL (American Sign Language), we know bc Cassandra Cain (Oracle. thepandaredd plays Cassandra as nonverbal) signed to him in the Lord Deathman skit where they bag up Lord Deathman and she makes him carry the bags because she signs to him "Help me. Tiny hands." ]]]

● i like what i said about Bill, comparing him to Mitchell Mayo in Mitchell Mayo (Condiment King)'s section below (bc i do kind of see thepandaredd's re-imagining of Mitchell as an OC. section is below, still under "People"), so i'm taking the hc-analysis and copy-pasting it here: (i kind of like the hc i have of Mitchell Mayo still being in the Goonion, but is a polar opposite to Bill The Henchman. doesn't connect with new goons or really guide them, Bill is kind of implied to be a bit of a mentor/big brother considering a few goons are excited to show him what they did (eg. the Jimmy Olsen kidnapping skit goon) or when he mother-hens the goon-that-once-worked-at-Cobra-HQ or the goon-with-a-gun-in-waistband, and also the hypothetical-"Batman Beyond"-elder-goon even says "Bless his soul" in talking about Bill. compare that with how Butch Moreti treats Mitchell Mayo. admittingly, Butch was acting under frustrating circumstances, but still. i think Mitchell Mayo is just a "big goon in a small pond" who is seasoned at his goon-work as a helluva scary pseudo-mercenary (one even civillians can immediately recognize), whereas Bill is a seasoned goon that isn't a renowned merc but is still really good at his job and also blends in easy with crowds (bc nobody knows who he is). like. Mitchell Mayo is kind of the asshole "truly evil" guy that Bill could have been, y'know?)

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[[[ ★★★ TODD ??? ]]] (this one is Bill's high school classmate. DC Comics OC)

idk if this Todd exists because of the whole reboot thing (look at Bill The Henchman section under "People" + The Agent of the Reboot section under "Associations"), but sure

● unknown pronouns. unknown surname (hc full name: (bc i don't think he is Todd Andrews) my headcanon for Todd's surname is Turk. if you go to TV Tropes' page on "The Informant" trope, under the "Comic Books" section, you will read about a brief paragraph Marvel character named Turk who was an informant for Marvel vigilantees. and it's obvious in said paragraph why Marvel doesn't use him anymore lmao rip poor Turk to better differentiate this Todd from Todd Andrews, i also hc that Todd is a nickname for "Theodore" so it is slightly easier on my brain to differntiate all these "Todd"s lmao according to BehindTheName, "Theodore" just means "gift of god" which is sweet yet nonspecific. and its sister-site, Surname.BehindTheName,com said the surname "Turk" meant exactly what is on the tin, it means "Turk". fair. but, yeah, so my hc for this character's full name is Theodore "Todd" Turk. neato, alliteration, yay lmao)

● appearance: wore a black crewneck t-shirt and a wire for the G.C.P.D. also, has recieved a free Goonion black t-shirt from Bill to implement possibly into Todd's wardrobe

↳ as a bonus, the skit this Todd was in featured an G.C.P.D. Dispatch officer of an unknown name and unknown pronouns that wore glasses and a black crewneck t-shirt, and sat a a computer. there you go for anybody who wanted to ensure continuity with Todd and this unnamed G.C.P.D. connection

● idk if this still counts bc reboot [[[ was Bill The Henchman's classmate in high school. tho Todd never graduated high school ]]] more about Bill is above, albeit still under the "People" section

● idk if this still counts bc reboot [[[ wore a wire for the G.C.P.D., pretended to be looking into henching. idk if that means Todd works for the G.C.P.D. and was briefly undercover for this, or if Todd was asked to take a wire for a bit (by the G.C.P.D.) as a civillian. regardless, got a Goonion t-shirt from Bill ]]]

● assumedly not the Todd Andrews from Superb Powers (Todd Andrews' section is somewhere above, under "People". the Superb Powers is above even that, under "Associations") or Todd The Goonion Rep (said Todd is below, still within the "People" section. the Goonion is above, under "Associations") as this Todd does not wear glasses and i think you need to have finished high school to be an accountant? maybe they are the same and Todd got a GED after, i have no idea, hc to your heart's extent, maybe Todd Andrews' glasses are just for blue-light, maybe Todd the Goonion Rep wears fake glasses, or maybe this Todd wears contacts who knows

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★★★ TODD (this one is the Goonion rep. DC Comics OC)

↳ technically, i have been calling this Todd by the wrong title kind of this whole time but i had to, i had to do it for the communicative clarity of consistency. because Todd's actual title is only colloquially "a Goonion Rep." as Todd's actual title is "Traveling Representative for the First Universal Henchman's Union". again, this is usually shortened colloquially to "Goonion Rep" but you get it, you get why i didn't call him that every time in the past, Goonion Rep is snappier and there's getting to quickly be too many Todds lmao

● unknown surname. unknown pronouns. (hc full name: Thaddeus "Todd" Malloy. and, with that, i have p much run out of things "Todd" can be short for. luckily, Thaddeus kind of fits a union rep, as BehindTheName.com says it likely derived from the meaning "heart". that's cute. and esp for a Goonion rep, as BehindTheName also says "In the Gospel of Matthew, Thaddaeus is listed as one of the twelve apostles, though elsewhere in the New Testament his name is omitted and Jude's [aka another form of Judas' name, apparently] appears instead. It is likely that the two names refer to the same person". and im not nor have i ever been a Christian but goons and Judas assumedly fit together? yeah? i hope? anyway, i picked the surname Malloy because of the 1954 movie "On The Waterfront" which is about unions, mobs, and an ex-prize-fighter named Teddy Malloy. you can see the connection. i haven't seen it in so many years, i apologize if it is a bad movie to connect to, the plot-summary i read seemed fine enough and my chronic memory loss-riddled ass remembers if fondly enough even tho i was like... seven lol. but, i digress. i should also note that according to Surname.BehindTheName.com Malloy also has connections to both "noble, proud leader" and "faithful servant". huh! even more fitting!)

● appearance: wears glasses. wears a white button-up and a black tie

● works at The First Universal Henchman's Union, aka The Goonion (more on that organization above, under the "Associations" section)

● this is p safe to assume not the Todd Andrews from Superb Powers (Todd Andrews' section is somewhere above, under "People". the Superb Powers section is above even that, under the "Associations" heading) or the Todd That is Bill's High School Friend (said Todd is above, though still within the "People" section. the Goonion is above even that too, under "Associations"). i explained in Todd That Is Bill's High School Friend's section some of why they might be different, might be the same, it's all up the hc, but im p confident they are all different characters all given the forename Todd, okay? okay lmao

● (@/thepandaredd, if you ever read this: i know you love Jason Todd, Jason is also my favorite in the Batfam (after Alfred, obviously, but you get it), and you have this many different Todd OCs is so fucking funny but also im begging you for other names in-between my laughs, please no more Todds lmao) [/tone clarity: this is me complaining as a bit. do what you want, it's your tiktok and your OCs. im just joshing. ill be fine if you do more Todds. much love to you and yours ♡]

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★★★ DR. AARON MICHAELS (DC Comics OC)

● he/him pronouns

● Therapist at Akrham Asylum

↳ replacing an assumedly male (had he/him pronouns if nothing else) therapist that Joker seduced, much like the Joker also had done with Harley Quinn; they found out because the guy had downloaded videos on his desktop that were explict and graohic about clowns. he was fired and Dr. Aaron Michaels was hired

● calls patients by their civillian names (important contrast with Dr. Morton below, is also under the "People" section)

● appearance: wears glasses. in his first video, Dr. Aaron Michaels wore a red long-sleeve button-up with a gray vest and matching gray pants. in Dr. Aaron Michael's second and third video, he wore a red long-sleeve button-up with a gray wool suit jacket. generally has folders/binders/notes, with said folder/binder being darkly colored (black? gray? very dark blue? i cant tell). also has an Arkham ID badge (the card is verticle as a fun fact) that he wears on his suit jacket's breast pocket

● has to make a semi-regular video log ("to mak[e] sure I don't have any 'impure thoughts about the inmates'" which he doesn't like that wording for his patients but you pick and choose your battles)

● Works down the hall from Dr. Morton (is below, is also under the "People" section)

● Transferred from Seattle (doesn't have prior knowledge of patients, instead sits down with them totally blind and whatnot). for those unaware, that is in Washington, USA

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★★★ DR. MORTON (DC Comics OC)

● he/him. Unknown forename (i know in his first video that Dr. Morton showed his Arkham badge to camera but i cannot read it so idk if it said his forename. but i like being a nerd about names+meanings; so, despite the fact that it is quite likely he does have a first name already, because it is illegible to me, im giving him a hc forename: very tempting to jokingly pick "Jay" because thepandaredd is Jay Morton, but that's low-hanging fruit, so i digress my pick is Victor, after Victor Frankenstein of "Frankenstein" fame. tho, like, Victor barely counts as a doctor, he's more of a hack insisting he counts, but he practices alchemy which even his classmates say is super-outdated and not a real science. im getting off track. my "BUT"-point here is that i associate them together because Victor Frankenstein sees the Creature, arguably his own son (i def see the Creature as his son, Victor literally created the Creature, but i digress) but is definitely a patient of his if nothing else, as a monster immediately upon the uncanny-valley-motherfucker daring to actually move &&& Dr Morton calls his patients exclusively by their villain-names so far as of 2024 March, implying he does see his patients as monstrous due to their actions or at least sees their villain identities as superseding their original civillian names, which is a really cool contrasting point between him and Dr. Aaron Michaels. i wonder if that's something they argue about but are still friends in spite of, if that sticking point of difference stops them from being friends, etc)

● Level 2 Medical Officer at Arkham Asylum. also called "A physician", is specifically a "General Care physician for all the supervillians housed at the asylum"

↳ 8 years medical school, minor is psychology

● Calls patients by their villain names (important contrast with Dr. Aaron Michaels, above, still under the "People" section. i have analysis about this character choice in my "hc for Dr Morton's forename" right up a few points)

● appearance: he wears glasses. in his first video, Dr. Morton wore red scrubs (or what i assume are supposed to be scrubs? idk, im not a scrubs expert) with a black longer-sleeved shirt underneath and black pants. Dr. Morton also wears what i assume is a scrub-cap, and it is black with skull-and-crossbones on it. in his second video, Dr. Morton wore a white labcoat on top of his scrubs, but otherwise dressed the same. also, he has an Arkham ID badge (fun fact: the card is vertical) that he wore as a lanyard around his neck

↳ hc: i think Dr. Morton stops wearing his ID around his neck. it's a common enough thing that patients will attempt to strangle their doctors in general clinics (much less around dangerously violent patients, like in Arkham Asylum) that doctors (1) dont wear stethoscopes around their neck anymore as a rule, or anything around their neck that could be used to choke them; (2) dont generally wear lanyards and, if they do, it is a break-away lanyard; and (3) instead of lanyards will wear a badge-holder-clip (often a retractable one for convenience) on their top somewhere (ive seen it clipped on their scrub-shirt's neck, their shirt breast pocket, and the hem of the shirt. i once saw it on the hem of their sleeve. i do not know if there is protocol about this beyond "above the waist", this is just based on observations and none of the odder ones are recent. i usually see breast pocket the most). which means someone probably tried to choke out Dr. Morton, and idk who would be the most likely candidate, but regardless it probably doesn't help Dr. Morton see his patients positively enough to use their civillian-names over their villain-names

↳ another hc: which, like. speaking of, i dont think Dr. Morton using villain-names over character-names is bad. it is part of the patients identity and probably the part they recognize the most (since v rarely are any remorseful for their actions). it shows Dr. Morton sees them for their (current) actions, rather than seeing them for their humanity out of his own perception of the world. saying that, i still disagree with the decision for a multitude of reasons, but it's a cool character detail and i wont go off in a tangent about this, this is already enough lol

● Works down the hall from Dr. Aaron Michaels (whose section is above, still under the "People" section)

● Listed treatments:

↳ Eyedrops many times a week for Two-Face's eye to not be a raisin

↳ Splinting Penguin's nose

↳ Has never seen Clayface shit

↳ Repairing "the grill" of Joker

↳ Trying to convince the Joker that wiping his ass does not, and can not, make the Joker gay (suspects the Joker is attracted Batman nonetheless)

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★★★ BUTCH MORETI (DC Comics OC)

technically, this character kind of doesn't exist. as the character was just in a draft version of the "Make Condiment King Scary" tiktok, and not in the finalized video. but i am ignoring that

↳ idk if "Butch" was the character's forename or nickname, but i assume it is the forename (but you can hc it as a nickname if you want)

● Pronouns unknown

● Worked with Mitchell Mayo (Condiment King, canon character but re-imagined rendition is below, still listed under "People" section) died because of Mitchell due to Mitchel poisoning a dollop of ketchup (that Butch ate with fries from Big Belly Burger, one of Butch's favorite places to eat)

↳ died in a safe-house, after ripping off Falconé

↳ Mitchell Mayo was sent by Falconé to kill Moreti -- "Falconé sends his regards, Butch"

● appearance: was dressed in all black, with a black leather jacket (no lapel, had fake-motorcycle-padding-shoulder-pockets if you squint. this in contrast to Mitchell Mayo (Condiment King)'s leather jacket which did have a lapel), with a black t-shirt, black pants, etc.

● Butch was irritable (makes sense, after ripping off Falconé and finding someone in the safehouse) and waved a gun around for intimidation

● i hc both Butch Moreti and Mitchell Mayo (Condiment King) were/are Goonion members and co-workers of Bill The Henchman (more on Bill above, still under the "People" section). i love Mitchell Mayo (Condiment King) as what thepandaredd wrote him as now, i refuse to see him any other way after the "Make Condiment King Scary" video lol ■ more on thepandaredd's re-imagining of Mitchell Mayo (The Condiment King) below, still under the "People" section

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★★★ MITCHELL MAYO (CONDIMENT KING) (DC Comics)

technically, shouldn't be here bc he is a canon DC comics character already. but i like thepandaredd's re-imagining enough to have made notes and consider him a bit of an OC of panda's

● assumed, he/him pronouns due to canon and masculine self-references (eg. a guy, a man, King, etc)

● hates the title "Condiment King", does not like to be called that and will tell you. the press gave it to him after a murder Mitchell comitted (more below under "Confirmed murders")

↳ "So patronizing. Like, I'm trying to make some some grand-standing with what I do, I'm not. I'm not."

↳ "Everybody in Gotham has got a gimmick."

↳ "See, my problem isn't with the name itself. It's with what the insult that is implied. People think that what I do is silly. But I'm gonna ask you something. If the ketchup was too tangy, would you stop eating it? Or if your hot wings tingled your throat in a way you didn't expect, would you all of a sudden stop? See, the thing is, apart from taking a shit: eating is when people are at their most vulnerable. I ask you: do you know what poison tastes like? Are you sure?"

● appearance: wears a green beanie with a pompom (reference to character's pickle hat in comics. (fun behind-the-scenes fact: the hat in question in the tiktok is a backwards "Friends" beanie. Mitchell's is assumedly not that. but it is what thepandaredd could find at the time)). wears all black otherwise, including a black leather jacket (with a lapel), a black t-shirt, black pants, etc (note: when killing the unnamed guy a few bullet points below, was wearing a "new sky blue suit" that got stains all over it from fighting said guy in a kitchen and getting tossed around. assumedly had to throw it away after, but who knows, maybe it got cleaned)

↳ very recognizable. Ted (below, still under "People" section) recognized Mitchell Mayo on sight, despite being a Gotham transplant who'd only been there for three months

● personality is generally laid-back? a bit of an "under the surface" type of control-freak? is kind of quiet, lets people make assumptions that benefit Mitchell Mayo. keeps calm while others fly off the handle. will get a bit loud and growly when angry, letting it slip for half a phrase or so, before laughing it off and continuing like he isn't annoyed/pissed off. smiles and laughs creepily at the idea of murdering people; no guilt, no shame, enjoys it. very much recommend watching both the draft and final versions of "Make Condiment King Scary" that thepandaredd made

● likes to eat french fries (in the draft version of "Make Condiment King Scary", Mitchell eats the fries without ketchup as said ketchup is poisoned for Butch Moreti to eat. in this version, the fries are from Big Belly Burger ■ in the final version of the video, Mitchell does eat his fries with ketchup) ■ according to Ted's second "Living in Gotham" video (Ted's section is below, still under the "People" header. Ted called Mitchell Mayo exclusively by "the Condiment King" which i assume did not help Ted's case), Mitchell got so mad at Ted for dissing the Bat Burger (+Joker Fries) that Ted had to hide in the bathroom of an abandoned building as Mitchell Mayo pounded on the bathroom door saying, "I know you're in there! I know you're in there! Open the door!". so i assume the Bat Burger is Mitchell Mayo's favorite and that he is the "No, you misunderstand. I'm not willing to die on this hill, I'm willing to kill you on it." type in regards to food-opinions

● drinks A&W rootbeer? i think?? idk what that can is of otherwise (in final version of "Make Condiment King Scary")

● worked with Falconé as "a goon" ("another grunt off the street"; kind of implies Goonion likely wasn't a thing yet back then? but who knows, Goonion doesn't seem relatively new, so Mitchell Mayo probably was a member when he started. edit: nah, according to the Goonion merch, it was "established 2000", so yeah, it is relatively new, nvm) ("Hands up, fucker, Falconé sends his regards"), implied to not being doing that anymore

↳ when with Butch Moerti (section above, still under "People"), is implied to still be peers. so still henchmen. Butch patronizes Mitchell, sees Mitchell as below Butch, and Mitchell allows Butch to underestimate him as it benefits Mitchell in the end

↳ i hc both Butch Moreti and Mitchell Mayo (Condiment King) were/are Goonion members and co-workers of Bill The Henchman (more on Bill above, still under the "People" section). i love Mitchell Mayo (Condiment King) as what thepandaredd wrote him as now, i refuse to see him any other way after the "Make Condiment King Scary" video lol

↳ implied to be a mercenary now? idk if this version is a supervillain (i kind of like the hc i have of Mitchell Mayo still being in the Goonion, but is a polar opposite to Bill The Henchman. doesn't connect with new goons or really guide them, Bill is kind of implied to be a bit of a mentor/big brother considering a few goons are excited to show him what they did (eg. the Jimmy Olsen kidnapping skit goon) or when he mother-hens the goon-that-once-worked-at-Cobra-HQ or the goon-with-a-gun-in-waistband, and also the hypothetical-"Batman Beyond"-elder-goon even says "Bless his soul" in talking about Bill. compare that with how Butch Moreti treats Mitchell Mayo. admittingly, Butch was acting under frustrating circumstances, but still. i think Mitchell Mayo is just a "big goon in a small pond" who is seasoned at his goon-work as a helluva scary pseudo-mercenary (one even civillians can immediately recognize), whereas Bill is a seasoned goon that isn't a renowned merc but is still really good at his job and also blends in easy with crowds (bc nobody knows who he is). like. Mitchell Mayo is kind of the asshole "truly evil" guy that Bill could have been, y'know?)

● Confirmed murders: (within thepandaredd re-imagining canon)

↳ manipulated Butch Moreti (section above, still under "People") via using Big Belly Burger fries (Butch Moreti's favorite. "Man, you know that's my shit") and poisoning a dollop of ketchup that had been untouched on a paper plate -- arguably non-canonical bc Butch only exists in a drafted version of "Make The Condiment King Scary" and not the final version, but im ignoring that ■ well, actually, i guess Butch kind of is also in the final version as there is some unseen person cough-choking to the end, assumedly poisoned. that could be Butch. or a reference to Butch. who knows lol

↳ (the following is a bastardized summary of the "Make Condiment King Scary" final video; please go watch it) Mitchell killed an unnamed guy in a pot of hot sauce (technically, "extra hot sauce", still on the stove ■ "You know, when you drown, they say your lungs feel like they're on fire. Can you imagine what that's like with capsaicin added to the mix?" (this line is only in the draft version) ■ "Did you know that it only takes three pounds of ground up chillis, consumed in one sitting, to kill a man? Purely from the capsaicin. Well, I'll tell you what, he figured out what it's like to inhale that shit."). drowned the unnamed guy in a pot of it. it is how Mitchell Mayo got the nickname "Condiment King" from the press. ■ event in further detail: Mitchell was sent by Falconé bc a resteraunt "racket" he had been running (slang definition: "an illegal or dishonest scheme for obtaining money". i assume that means the place was a front for money laundering? that the "owner" went "no, fuck you, i actually like doing this"? that's kinda sweet. or maybe Falconé was doing "pay me for protection (from me)" thing, idk, that's less sweet but still admirable lol) had itself an owner who decided not to pay, "So I was sent to relieve him of his station". Mitchell let the guy finish up his meal, followed the owner into the back, stuck a gun in his face. but the guy was a black belt in karate, kicked gun out of Mitchell's hand, fought and tossed Mitchell around, then Mitchell held the unnamed guy's head in that pot of hot sauce "until the fucking bubbles stopped coming up". therefore, Mitchell Mayo killed a guy with hot sauce in a suit covered in condiments got the nickname "Condiment King"

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★★★ REGGIE BENSON (his second Marvel OC! yay!)

● unknown pronouns. (he/him implied via "dude" and "guy" diction? but idk, i use those gender neutrally myself)

● appearance: wears a red and a blueish-gray flannel with a black sherpa lining that is a zip-up jacket; ontop of a plain pale-red t-shirt. as a prop, Reggie often carries around an iPad (assumedly to draw on, write notes, and record audio with. i hc Reggie uses the Notability app a fuck ton, because that lets you record audio while you write notes which is great for lectures/interviews. Notability is a bit hard to draw with in my exp, but not the worst; plus you can switch apps easy. idk how well it works for Zoom/Facetime/online interviews, but in-person ones? esp pre-Wolverine-interview? Reggie probably used Notability a shitton. iPad is a very good prop pick for Reggie to have), said iPad seems to have a pale-gray case. Reggie also has a prosthetic leg (assumedly his right (the viewer's left) leg from how he looked down?)

↳ "How did I get [my prosthetic leg]? I, uh, mighy have asked Wolverine how he shaves? Listen, I'm just saying-- I know legal said don't talk about it, they asked, I want to tell them-- if a nuke gets dropped on a guy, and he comes back with perfectly shaved mutton-chops, I don't think it's unreasonable to know how he shaves his freaking moustache, okay?!" ("I, uh, I have been informed by legal team over at Marvel that I, I, I, uh, should stop talking about the Wolverine interview on camera. So, uh, can you just, tch, cut that, please?")

● works at Marvel Comics' Marvel Comics (bc Marvel Comics legitimately decided "let's put our comic company inside our comic-universe, selling comics about the heroes the universe has. like a graphic novel version of the news, except it is 'fictional stories with grains of truth' somehow", sure). thepandaredd explains this oddity a bit better over in the July 2022 compilation (which, for clarity, Reggie's introductory skits are over in the August 2022 compilation)

↳ Reggie's official position at the company is: "Earth 616 Reporter (Mutant Division) Marvel™️ Comics". Reggie just says "I'm a reporter for Marvel Comics" and that "Personally, a lot of the stories that I cover are a lot of mutant and mutant-related things." ■ they still say "Excelsior"/"'celsior" at fictional-Marvel, that's cool

↳ it can probably be safely assumed Stan Lee and Jack Kirby and whatnot still are still alive? since they were, at one point, in the comics? but idk if they are in the skit-world-of-thepandaredd. but they might be Reggie's co-workers?

↳ Reggie explains their job as a mixture of the news section and "the funny pages" section of a newspaper. it's reporting news, put in some graphics, and add "drama and spice to keep things fresh". ■ Marvel Comics (the fictional company) does try to be unbiased and also get "all the perspectives possible" (eg. the villains' pov). says that "Some people that rhe public has labeled as super-villains aren't really that bad of people to talk to. Others, (note: Reggie is clearly thinking of Mojo, more in a lower bullet-point) uhm [i cut out the heavy stuttering], some of the opinions are deserved." ■ Reggie sees himself as "I like to think of myself as their voice. I get to get their side of the story out to the people, y'know?"

↳ for work, Reggie has met with: Paste Pot Pete (no label within the skit. civillian identity: Peter Petruski. is sometimes also called The Trapster, but not in these skits lol) ■ Mojo (the skit labels Mojo as "Mojo. Media Tycoon. Professionally Gross. Entrepreneur. Owner: WatchMojo". Mojo is both his villain and civillian name. his alien species is called the Spineless Ones. in one specific comic-run, "Ultimate X-Men", he is a human named Mojo Adams, but i digress. Reggie gets general-canon-alien-Mojo, who terrifies/disgusts Reggie to the point that Reggie screams, even on video-call/Facetime) ■ Wolverine (the skit labels Wolverine as "Logan Howlett. Mutant. 'The Wolverine™️'. Avengers, X-Men, X-Force, History Teacher." Wolverine hates Reggie: he says "fuck that guy" and thinks Reggie is a total asshole) ■ Charles Xavier (the skit labels Charles as "Charles Xavier. Headmaster. Mutant. Xavier's School for Gifted Youngesters™️. Nobel Prize Winner". when asked about Reggie, Charles began by saying Reggie is "a fine young chap" until he was told this was off the record, to which Charles said "Oh, the dude's a prick.") ■ Namoor (Zoom interview. has fried the "complimentary iPad we gave him by going underwater" before, hope that doesn't happen again. is mentioned in skit, but not shown, so no label)

↳ i personally feel it is important to add Reggie will snort-laugh at some things the people they interview say, and Reggie will cover it up with a lie that the sound they made was "allergies"/that it is "allergy season"

↳ my hc: i think the Paste Pot-Pie interview was pre-Wolverine, and Reggie does all his interviews over Facetime/Zoom since losing his leg post-Wolverine interview? maybe legal over at Marvel advised it

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★★★ ARNOLD (a third Marvel OC! very little info tho)

● unknown surname. unknown pronouns. (hc: i googled Marvel's version of State University to confirm if Arnold was an OC or not, and i couldn'find anything to say he is canon so i assume OC. i know very little Fantastic Four lore. anyway, i see it says there is a dean already there-- which is to be expected, and universities can have multiple deans-- but that same dean does not have a forename. so i am hc'ing slapping Arnold onto this dean whose entire wiki says he just "welcome[d] Reed Richards when he arrived with the the Fantastic Four at State U to deliver a lecture", the end. so, my hc name is Dean Arnold Mencken, or just Arnold Mencken when he is not a dean, i guess. also, i looked what the surname means on my beloved search-engine of Surnames.BehindTheName because i LOVE name-meanings and intertextual references and whatnot-- and nothing came up. so i tried google, and a site called "Forebears.io" that i am unsure about entirely trusting says that it is a variant spelling of the surname Menken (which BehindTheName also had nothing on) and both means "One who lived in a monastery" which sounds fitting and i kind of have an "i don't know enough about this to say you're right or wrong, and i don't like that" opinion about. but eh. the character's surname was already decided. it's whatever, it's just a hc. if you want to see the fandom-wiki pages on Dean [No forename] Mencken, the one listing him as staff from State U is here and his own page is over here)

↳ insists students call him by just "Arnold" when they try to call him "Dean". Victor Von Doom compromises, somewhat, and switches from "Dean" to "Dean Arnold"

● is a dean at State University in New York (which, yes, is a real university). was dean at the time Reed Richards and Victor Von Doom were students

● appearance: wears glasses and a plain black t-shirt in the skit

● is in just the one skit from the 2023 Oct./Nov. compilation, unlikely to appear again but who knows!

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★★★ PROFESSOR FINGER (DC Comics OC)

↳ is actually a spoof on "Bill Finger", who worked on Batman comics. more below under Professor Kane's section (below, still under "People")

● he/him pronouns. unknown forename. (hc forename: Duval. after Marie Duval, the primary creator of "Ally Sloper" which was a then-famous Victorian comic strip to which her husband (Charles Ross) stole all the credit and was heralded as a comic genius for almost 150 years. only in the past few years, thanks to a comics historian named David Kunzle, has Marie Duval been given her full share of credit for what was ultimately her comic. but yeah, i checked if Duval is a forename and i found tons of people with it as their forename so hell yeah)

● appearance: unknown, Prof Finger was never shown on-screen

● switched mid-skit between calling him an "English teacher" and a "Philosophy teacher". (maybe he's English specialized in Philosophy, like ive had English college classes require we read "On The Consolation of Philosophy" by Boethius before) more likely, Finger is English and Jason Todd mispoke when he said "Philosophy"

● is a Professor at Tim Drake's school, and Tim is in his class; Jason Todd took his class, was implied to have taken it years ago. was called "Professor Finger" (note: not "Dr. Finger", this OC assumedly does not have a doctorate. which, it is fairly common for English profs to have up to a Masters, then its a toss-up if they stopped there or also got a PhD so that checks out. main reason i mention it is bc i kept making a typo the first time i wrote this section up calling him "Dr. Finger" and that isn't accurate, he was never called that in the skit, idk why i kept making the same typo).

↳ the phrasing of "Professor" leads me to assume this is university (idk how private schools work and if they have students call anybody "Professor") which Jason Todd i don't think is confirmed to go to university? (Jason Todd hc: i think he should go. i am very much Team Jason Todd The English Professor Or English (Public? or Gotham Academy?) High School Teacher (probably more likely public bc i can see Jason Todd wanting to reach out to disadvantaged youth at public schools moreso than help deliquent rich kids on principle. but i can also see him going "i dont want to hang out with teenagers who don't want to participate in discussions; i'm gonna teach on college campuses" bc he deserves students who are interested in his class, his life has been hard enough, let him have passionate students and, unfortunately, college English students are more likely passionate about the material than high school English students, idk what to tell you). but im also Team Jason Todd Takes College Classes (Mostly English) For Fun With No Intent Of A Degree tho. either or) and the only college Tim went to that i am aware of is Ivy University in Ivy Town. however, i think it is more likely both Jason Todd and Tim Drake are both taking college classes (or "has taken" in Jason Todd's case since it's implied he went Finger's class years ago, idk if he is implied to still attending or not rn, before was just my hc) at Gotham University in Gotham City, that feels like the most convenient place for them to both go. however, it would also make sense for this to be a reference to Gotham Academy (in which case Tim Drake is in high school and Jason Todd has since left), but again, idk if private schools ask students to call their teachers by "Professor". im probably overthinking this

● obsessed with Batman

↳ keeps having students every semester write a paper on the philosophy of Batman to the point that Jason Todd thinks "he should have a book of those by now"

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★★★ PROFESSOR KANE (DC Comics OC)

↳ is actually a spoof on "Bob Kane", who worked on the Batman comics 

↳ (if you want to read up on why Bill Finger and Bob Kane are being discussed like this, this article goes over a good amount of introductory information (https://boldentrance.com/how-bob-kane-stole-batman-from-bill-finger/) and i also recommend this reddit thread to get a bit more of a window into the DC Comics fandom dialogue about it (https://www.reddit.com/r/batman/s/sf8P8hgBxv). but yeah, there's better resources if you want to know more in-depth stuff, i just picked the most accessible, quick-to-read, starter stuff) thepandaredd has also done a few videos on Bill Finger and Bob Kane, but i can't find them even though i know they exist (edit: found them (on accident), it's within their "DC Comics Discussions 3" youtube video). but this is just thepandaredd doing a "Wouldn't it be nice?" alternate reality where the students protected Finger and ousted Kane for trying to steal Finger's job, the actions dictated here did not happen in real life. it's just a nod to the irl drama via the names involved (and also maybe the enough "psychology/philosophy of Batman" stuff to make a book is a reference that Finger kept a continuity book of all Batman and Batman-associated-characters/places he came up with so as to minimize continuity errors. i am not aware of Finger having ever written a "Psychology/Philosophy of Batman" book or anything similar for that topic ad nauseam, again, as far as i am aware, that's just a popular point of pop culture analysis to the point that even i have written a paper on it for college), it is not a summary of said drama

● he/him. unknown forename. (hc forename: Ross. after Charles Ross, of the "Ally Sloper" fame, who famously took all the credit that his wife, Marie Duval did to making this Victorian comic strip an icon of its time)

● appearance: unknown, Prof Kane is never seen on-screen

● "Professor Kane tried to steal [Professor Finger's] job last year, but everyone kind of ousted him"

↳ "Oh, gross, Professor Kane? That dude's a dick."

↳ "Yeah, that's what everyone else said."

↳ assumedly, since Tim Drake doesn't have his own opinion of Kane voiced (just "that's what everyone else said"), though Professor Kane is at Tim's school, Tim has not interacted with him one-on-one or had his class (my assumption would be Tim is avoiding Kane's classes since everyone keeps talking shit. why willingly take a teacher you know might make your life hellish for a semester? i do that with RateMyProfessor all the time). in contrast, Jason Todd likely has taken a class by Professor Kane considering his wording (which makes additional sense when you realize Jason Todd is unlikely to use the internet or features like RateMyProfessor due to him having grown up without much day-to-day/non-Batman-and-Robin tech before the Lazarus Pit. probably isn't a habit for him to look profs up); but it's also likely Jason just came to his own conclusions firmly after hearing enough rumors/second-hand stories about it, that does also fit Jason's personality

↳ "ousted" implies Professor Kane no longer works at that campus. but who knows, maybe

● (note: same as Professor Finger's section above, still under the "People" section— this guy is not "Dr. Kane", this OC assumedly does not have a doctorate. which, we don't know what kind of subject this Kane OC is a professor of. but, considering he tried to steal Professor Finger's job, i think it's safe to assume Kane is also an English professor. it is fairly common for English profs to have up to a Masters, then its a toss-up if they stopped there or also got a PhD so that checks out.)

● i'm not re-writing my notes on "is this guy a Professor at a university (Ivy University? Gotham University?) or at Goth Academy (high school)?" so look above in Professor Finger's section (above, still under "People") for my waffling on about that

● i'm guessing on the spelling of Professor Kane's surname based on phoentics + "Kane" is how Bob Kane spelled his surname (same goes for "Finger" except i don't think there is any other way to spell "Finger"(?), unlike Kane/Cain/Kain/Cane/Kayne/Cayne/Caine/Kaine/Caigne/Kaigne/etc, you get the idea). i assume Professor Kane is unrelated to the DC Comics Kane (fictional) family/families (eg. one family is Katherine "Kate" Kane (Batwoman), Mary Elizabeth "Bette" Kane (Hawkfire), and Jacob Kane. another Kane family is the father-son duo Jesse Kane and David Kane (Black Manta; though i think it's more popular for Black Manta's civillian surname to be Hyde in-comics), from the live-action "Aquaman" movie series. and another is Cassandra Cain (Oracle; in some other universes, her surname is Wu-San though) and her father, David Cain; though that one is if i assumed incorrectly about how to spell Professor Kane's surname. and so on, im sure there's others with a variant of this surname. a lot of people in the DC Comic workspace used the surname as either a Biblical reference, which is not that important to what i am discussing here, or in tribute to Bob Kane before everyone knew about how much work should actually be attributed to Bill Finger) but yeah, hc to your heart's content if you want Professor Kane to be related to someone. just because there is no evidence of confirmation does not, in this case, mean there is any evidence of contradiction either. (hc: like i prefer Jacob Kane to be a good guy, bc Katherine "Kate" Kane (Batwoman) deserves a decent dad. but i know in the "Gotham Knights" game (idk if this is true anywhere else), Jacob Kane is a member of The Court Of Owls, specifically "The Voice of the Court". i think the Waynes/Kanes having a connection to the Court makes sense. i think it's kinda off to have everyone in the Wayne/Kanes be good, and all other rich families in Gotham have at least one bad egg in The Court of Owls; i think the Wayne/Kanes should be included as part of that corrupted mess, just, probably someone outside of the Batfam and their immediate relatives. id be perfectly happy having Professor Kane be in the Wayne/Kane family as the representative associated with The Court Of Owls in Jacob Kane's place. maybe he can be Jacob Kane's crotchety old uncle or someone in the family closer to Kate's age, but someone who they are all but officially estranged from. hence, no idea he/their family was involved in the Court. if you prefer drama tho, i don't think anybody really knows anything about Bette Kane's dad except that he's dead? maybe he came back, idk, basically all the Robins have died and came back. or maybe she has a brother, idk, i prefer my "distant family" pitch more personally. but also then i kinda wonder why Professor Finger isn't dead via a Talon getting assigned to kill him, so i also don't believe my own hc pitch. it is the most likely option that Professor Kane could just be an unrelated, miscellaneously benign but dickish Kane lol anyway, i digress)

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★★★ TED (the Gotham transplant. DC Comics OC)

● unknown pronouns. unknown surname. (hc surname: Icarian. meaning i hc this character's name to be Ted Icarian. which "Icarian" is the adjective/noun form referencing the Ancient Greek lore character called "Icarus". most famous for wearing his dad's wax wings, flying too close to the sun, and falling to his death with a moral about arrogance, the sublime, and human error. which, y'know, is poetic because im hc'ing this as "uncorrupted Ted that has never been/has yet to become a goon" (more on that in a bullet-point below), ergo, "before the fall" morally and before Bill's-version-pre-reboot-of-Ted's fall from Wayne Towers ~73 stories high to his death from Man-Bat. so it is also a pun. also, as a brief self-note: applying the Hozier song titled "Icarian (I, Carrion)" to this intrepretation of Ted is fitting poetically and also funny in a dark-humor way. edit: Ted's life is going downhill fast between the first and second videos, and i feel like i accidentally condemned Ted with this surname lmao Ted, i'm so sorry)

↳ the following does involve hc, but also does analyze possible connections between "this Ted" and "the Ted mentioned within Bill The Henchmen's Confirmed Co-Workers section of Bill's whole bit above (yet still under the "People" heading)": i like to headcanon this is the same Ted who is/was Bill The Henchman's late coworker. since Ted-The-Coworker was established pre-Reboot Agent, this could either be a prequel to Ted dying from the Man-Bat (which btw the skit of that is linked here) or could be Ted in a rebooted alternate life. i like to assume the latter, because i think that'd be hilariously trippy for Bill to see his coworker still alive post-reboot but tragic that this Ted doesn't likely know who Bill is lol but also all of this, either way, makes the Henchman LinkedIn joke a few bullet-points down extra (bittersweet) fucking funny

● appearance: wears all black. first video included a black t-shirt and a black denim jacket. second video included a black scarf with a black-white-and-gray long-sleeve top.

● has a 4-door car. idk anything about cars. but has shot these videos, generally, in said car. so that is one of Ted's habits as an influencer → and now that car is where Ted sleeps, oh dear (at least is sleeping with a neck pillow? idk any silver lining here)

● now lives in Gotham (Batman's territory, which is in the East Coast and most traditionally is in pseudo-New Jersey), but is a transplant from Coast City (for context, Coast City's most famous protector is Hal Jordan (Green Lantern) if that helps you. it's in pseudo-California). lives in an apartment in Gotham → oh, god. uh, Ted no longer lives in an apartment in Gotham. Ted is now unhomed, now living in their car. their apartment was burned down into the shape of a giant smiley-face and there was a fireproof-paper note on "where my bed once used to be" that said: "Disrespect my Joker Fries again, bitch, and it won't just be the house". so. assumedly Ted's home was burned down by the Joker

↳ has lived in Gotham City "for 3 months". if you want to apply reality's timeline to the skit, hen he has been living in Gotham for 3 months from the point of recording the tiktok on 25 March 2024 (aka: 25 January 2024-ish is around when Ted moved to Gotham?)

● two jobs. job (1) is as an influencer, makes tiktoks (eg. "Top 5 Facts About Gotham City (from a Coast City transplant)" type videos. doing social media seems to be a side hustle or just for fun? each video has the top margin say "GOTHAM FYP" or "GOTHAM CITY FYP" so far (which i know is a fun trend people do and that's part of advertising that "hello, the following is comments about a fictional city; this a trend, i am a nerd (/tone indicator: affectionate); please do not think this is a real place (or that im stupid, as sometimes comic nerd get v patronizing in the comments. (eg. 'uh? op didn't know Harvey Dent was Two-Face? fake DC fan much' like? my comrade, it is a trend, it is a GAG, of course op knew, they did a skit playing as a character that's a Gotham civillian who wouldn't know that, oh my god, that's the BIT))", but also my not-tech-savvy ass assumes a part of it is also supposed to be a gag about the search-bar? and the idea is that the viewer is either watching Gotham City content within the DC-universe or, more likely, also lives in Gotham(?). idk. but yeah because [insert real city] fyp content doesn't ever have that "[CITY] FYP" stuff at the top that ive seen, but they do always have the search bar always filled in. usually with more "[real city] fyp" items, most generally it will be just "[city] fyp" but also sometimes the search bar says stuff like "[city] fyp to eat", "[city] fyp tips", etc as i watch the tiktok video VS. if i watch "Gotham FYP" content, my personal 50/50 experience on if my search-bar will give me more "Gotham FYP" content in my search bar or if it will be something else DC Comics adjacent, like a new movie. however, after saying all of that: i think i maybe went into an overthinking spiral again, ignore me if that is the case) summary content of video below in case application of Gotham Fun Facts is desired)

↳ does not think the Bat Burger lives up to the hype. thinks Joker Fries are not that good. prefers Big Belly Burger (same favorite resteraunt as Butch Moreti, another thepandaredd OC, above yet still under the "People" section). will still eat Bat Burger tho

↳ "Gang territory, here? Gerrymandered to fuck". have to change colors of outfit to keep safe

↳ Halloween is outlawed in Gotham (in part bc of copyright laws). even trick-or-treating is illegal

↳ Henchman jobs are available on Linked In. applying puts you on a watchlist for the GCPD but still

↳ Gothamites are both exaggerating about the crime rates here and not. Gotham has more than the usual number of villains but the crime is less of a disturbance than expected, in spite of how "in Coast City, we're used to, like, one intergalactic threat showing up every couple of months" VS "It is like almost every other fucking week here [in Gotham]"

↳ Ted got a Welcome Package when Ted first moved in. package contained: "a safety straw you use to drink out of fucking lakes, a gas-mask, [and] a gun"

↳ "The second the sun dips behind the horizon, the sky turns red. No, I'm not joking. Night-time doesn't exist. There are demon hours and that is when the sky is fucking red!" also, both Ted and i are chemically unsure how that works

↳ there are police blimps to patrol Gotham City from the sky. "I saw a dude jay-walk at, like, 2 in the morning; and, all of a sudden, a flood-light came out of the goddamn sky!" which Ted admits, despite having lived where Green Lantern "used to be" (is that verb-usage related to the Superb Prowers insurance question about Coast City being gone now? is Green Lantern also gone? idk), Green Lantern did not get Ted used to this kind of shit at all (fair)

↳ despite there being "like 10 million people living here", "more than half" of the buildings here are of abandoned buildings and all of them were former businesses (hc/theory: Ted, those were probably the results of fronts for money-laundering, and they they had to shut the place down in order to avoid the cops. and also poverty, making a honest business as a newbie entrepreneur with no familial pre-established networking is very hard, i imagine, esp with all the "pay my gang for protection (from our gang)" stuff. that doesn't help) ■ yet Ted found a way into a (working?) bathroom in one such building, admittingly under duress (Mitchell Mayo (Condiment King) was chasing him) ■ "half the residential buildings are abandoned apartment complexes"

↳ Ted finds Robin (assumedly Damian Wayne; "a 12 year-old running around with a sword") is "scarier than you would think". not necessrily that Robin is scarier than Batman, but that not enough people warn you about Robin. plus the fact that said Robin has "two brothers" where "one of them is fucking packing heat and the other is just going to fucking beat you to death with a billy-club!" (okay so, that is assumedly Jason Todd (Red Hood) and Tim Drake (Red Robin). makes sense, since Dick Grayson is largely looking over Bludhaven, he would not be present, and Duke Thomas (Signal) is largely working day-hours. Ted is not going to be happy to find out that there are more than just those two tho) ■ "the Robins" went after Ted for loitering? bc Ted was trying to find a place to sleep, homeless, in their car?? "Loitering is a big thing here" (hc: i don't like the idea of the Batfam caring about loitering (which is v racially charged "crime"), much less pestering the homeless?? especially Jason, who im p sure did sleep on the street at some point. but i can accept the idea that they saw unfamiliar plates on the car and wanted to check out "who the hell is driving this slow (looking for where to sleep) at 2AM from Coast City?" and pulled out the random loitering as an empty excuse (reality: was checking this dude wasn't a runaway robber from Coast City, looking for a place to break-into, mostly to hide-out and maybe rob; and then realized the truth about Ted's situation). i can also accept them gently being involved in the homeless' lives so as to better protect them, remember them, break the ice, and just (again: gently) hazing new people. i like the idea of Ted seeing a couple comments from other unhoused people explaining that "getting to know you" method. just messing with Ted while they got down some details to look a bit more into Ted (eg. Damian memorizing Ted's license plate while Time distracts Ted might lead the trio to an article explaining how Ted lost that apartment) and see if they can get Ted off the street without being so obvious as to dish out hand-outs since some people have really negative reactions to those despite the good intentions. idk. it was just a gag, but one that greatly confused me so now i am spinning it and righting it in my head lmao)

↳ the G.C.P.D. police have to be at every single graduation from college. because, and this happens so often, that someone gets their doctorate and right then and there decides to commit their first act of super-villainy at the ceremony. part of me wonders how Ted learned that, what graduation did Ted attend or did Ted hear about it from others? idk

● second job: unknown. assumed to be Ted's day-job or main occupation (with social-media as a side thing).

↳ has co-worker there named Alex (confirmed he/him pronouns. Alex's duplex is split between Penguin territory and Two-Face territory. "has to change colors if he wants to go to the bathroom". Alex does not get his own section because this is all the info i got on him ■ though i will also say there is another Alex, likely unrelated for reasons listed in the other section, in The First Universal Henchmen's Union section's "confirmed members" listing, above, and said section is all under the overall "Associations" heading)

● Ted's Enemies, i guess (hopefully just temporarily): Joker (pissed off due to Ted dissing the Joker Fries; burned down Ted's apartment and left a threatening fireproof note) ■ Mitchell Mayo (Condiment King) (was also pissed off by Ted's food opinions, though Mitchell's was implied to moreso be about the Bat Burger; chased Ted into an abandoned building's bathroom and pounded on the door of said bathroom while yelling at Ted) ■ i assume there will be more

● (@/thepandaredd, if you're reading this, i know i said i have hcs but i truly do not actually care if this Ted and the previous dead-Ted are two different Teds, the same Ted but a prequel version, the same Ted but now rebooted into an alternate life... all i ask, is that Ted is not the next "Todd". it would be so fucking funny if you made a third Ted (even funnier if this one was Tedd, with two "D"s, but that is nOT TO GIVE YOU IDEAS), but i am also begging you between laughs once again to please consider not making more DC OCs named Ted. that is so close spelling-wise to "Todd". please. and thank you for coming to my TED Talk (ba-da-tish)) [/tone clarity: this is me complaining as a bit. do what you want, it's your tiktok and your OCs. im just joshing. ill be fine if you do more Todds and Teds. much love to you and yours ♡]

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★★★ THE REGRETTABLES RE-IMAGINING PITCHES (exactly what it sounds like. not quite an OC, but fuck it)

★ you could also argue "Daniel Dyce (#711)" of "Regrettable Superheroes" is a pitch of an OC of thepandaredd (specifically, thepandaredd pitched for him to become a gag villain in Gotham who keeps breaking out of Arkham). which, uh, i do also have notes on. but i will not be sharing within this post because a lot of it is "me myself brainstorming a re-imagining of this character" which feels too tangiental to put here in "thepandaredd's original characters and associations" post. and, yeah, you would have assumed thepandaredd would have further re-imagining pitches of some of the "Regrettables" but these were the rare ones i could find and i am p confident i've watched all the videos in that series bc i was looking for exactly these kind of notes. all the rest were "Regrettable, don't bring them back" or "Not regrettable, bring them back (with said opinion not including a pitch for their re-imagining. at most just a vague 'as a gag'. anything more than that and i will attach them to this/my thepanndaredd's OC list)".

↳ but yeah, that was from a two-parter tiktok from 8 June 2023 (or thepandaredd's 2023 June Monthly compilation video, either or). i'm generally gping to keep these summaries short bc their pitches are short. but thepandaredd's pitch for Daniel Dyce is to have him come back as an Arkham Asylum patient who keeps breaking out of his room #711, and is a gag. Daniel is just delusional, keeps fighting the Batman and Bat-kids while thinking they are the villain Brick-Bat and that Dyce is a hero (read: Dyce is not a hero in his re-imagining, that is his altered reality he thinks he is living. he fails spectacularly every time he tries heroics). alternatively, it could be the Riddler putting on a Batman cowl to fuck with Dyce and make Dyce think Batman is bad (similar as to Hush), taking advantage of Dyce to throw in Batman's way. it is implied that Dyce does belong in Arkham and was not a case of Damon and Pythias* gone wrong, that was just another delusion in thepandaredd's re-imagining. but yeah, just a one-shot gag villain

↳ *: as a fun-fact the nerd in me wants to mention: Daniel Dyce's shtick with his best buddy in terms of the prison-swapping is actually an intertextual reference to the Ancient Greek lore story of Damon and Pythias (except Damon and Pythias was about Pythias being on death row (the version i know is Pythias being framed by King Dionysus I "for trying to kill King Dioynsus I". bc. King Dionysus I wanted to get rid of Pythias. for. reasons that i forget that i think were political), and Damon volunteers to be Pythias' placeholder (and be executed in Pythias' place if Pythias never returns) so Pythias can settle some affairs back home himself and ensure his family is taken care of before he comes back to be executed. then, in the original story, the whole time Damon volunteers and waits and waits and waits, everyone says "Damon, dude, Pythias is totally not going to come back, you're gonna die in his place, i'm so sorry, there is no way he is going to come back" but Damon has faith and then Pythias does come back (and was almost too late, like Damon's head was on the chopping block awaiting the blade, because Pythias got thrown overboard his own ship by pirates and swam as fast as he could to get back on the path so Damon wouldn't die, which is fucking wild, but i digress). and King Dioynsus I is so touched by the sheer Pythagorean Friendship moral ideal these two are that he pardons Pythias! so now both he and Damon get to live, yaayyyy!! and, as a bonus fact, the most popular recent re-telling of this in contemporary times is Dreamsworks' "Sinbad: Legend of the Seven Seas", which is an animated pirate movie, ain't that neat. and, hey, while i got you here, you should watch Breadsword's "Sinbad and The Death of Pirate Cinema" on youtube because all of Breadsword's video-essays are poetic and make me wanna cry). uh, except if you have seen the two-parter thepandaredd made about Daniel Dyce (or somehow read Daniel Dyce's comic yourself), you'll know that's not how shit went down for Daniel Dyce, he did not get that happy ending lmao rip

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★ next one is "Tony Trent (The Face)". again, i have notes about running with this pitch. not included here bc it's Very Much Me which is tangential for a thepandaredd OC listicle and im already pushing the envelope with my hc additions i couldn't bring myself to delete for the public version. so here we go. this one has a pitch way more minimal than Daniel Dyce (#711) right above, but still got more than just "as a gag" so here we are lol (plus, there is no intertextual reference i am recognizing and wanna be a nerd about. sooooo...) thankfully tho, this will be shorter

↳ video is in the May 2023 compilation. is p just putting a Halloween mask on and scaring people.all because he, as a radio announcer and part-time news anchor, got so disheartened and angry by what he had to read everyday, that he just had to become a night-time vigilante. he is like a private-eye pulp detective, "he's like Batman but shitty". "No gadgets, no superpowers, no supervillains, no continuous enemies". thepandaredd's re-imagining pitch is to keep all of that and just, as a parody gag, have this guy show up in Gotham to make a difference and have everyone be like "No, dude, we fight Batman? Who the fuck are you?". because, as thepandaredd so eloquently said "He's just a guy!" that's it lmao rip

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the end, until i update this (if i ever do)

[ferromagnetiic]

"Heard you can control magnetism and I can't help but wonder how that works exactly. I mean technically all matter is magnetic, some more than others, but you catch my drift." Undeterred the brunet genius carries on. "So are you creating your own magnetic field then and can manipulate how electrons interact with each other or are you limited to the usual type of ferromagnetism? If it's the latter, do you need a certain percentage of, lets say iron, in a material so your powers have an effect on them? Or does it not matter?

To say that Tony thought about this a lot would be an understatement.

[Feel free to ignore this if you want, he's just been curious and wants to know everything about Kids powers >:) ]

          【 UNPROMPTED ASK. 】                      @ravarui 【 Tony 】

          It's not often someone takes the time to inquire about the mechanics of his devil fruit ability, and it's even less often that he answers them sincerely. On occasion his nakama have tempted him with the question, though more often than not, the individual asking hasn't been expecting a sincere explanation and they tended to give up trying to make sense of him halfway through. Kid remains notoriously terrible at explaining things. He works on visuals and feelings, and has a tendency to leave out important details; he gets irritable when people don't already know the basic principals he's relying on and he has to go back and explain things further. Most commonly, anyone who investigates how his abilities function will get a clipped answer something along the lines of ❛ Because I ate a rotten fruit, now quit worryin' about it. ❜ Over time, similarly to a father who does not have the energy to explain complicated subjects to their infant child, he started to give up on trying to go into graphic detail of how he was able to control magnetic properties, and tends to not even bother.

This time, it is not his loyal friends asking him at all. It is a total stranger, no less, and his paranoia of what consequences may occur if he provides untrustworthy people with too much information is rearing its ugly head. He doesn't know this guy, so why should he hand out all his secrets to him for him to use as his pleases? Why should he give him an opportunity to use his honesty against him? Distributing free instruction manuals for his devil fruit powers to anybody who asks is a horrible idea, and this particular man in question doesn't exactly strike him as someone stupid enough to find this information utterly useless. He's composed, well kept, displaying a degree of quiet confidence that doesn't need to be boldly stated. Kid can read his intelligence in the way his eyes move — focused, attentive, but yet somehow simultaneously distracted, as if he's juggling multiple thoughts and ideas whilst still effortlessly managing to carry their conversation. He reminds Kid of the people who have the ability to both read a book and speak to others at the same time, without one action compromising the other. People like him put him on guard. The ones who didn't need to demonstrate their intelligence were generally the most dangerous.

Maybe he was an undercover marine? His clothes didn't match, but that didn't prove his innocence. His well-groomed appearance seemed like something a marine would want to don, anyway. He should dismiss the question and tell him to fuck right off and leave him alone. None of his business, was it?

          ...Still.

He seems to know what he's talking about. At least, more than the last person who tried to make sense of Kid's powers. He wondered how much he could even really do with the most basic walkthrough of how his magnetism functioned. Understanding a concept didn't necessarily make that information particularly helpful, after all.

Besides. Something about this man was intriguing to Kid. He could sense something he couldn't name; a very particular energy that he can't pin down. At the very least, he detected no active hostility from him. Kid considered himself to be fairly good at reading people when he wanted to — this is partially due to honing his haki to be especially sensitive to the auras surrounding a person and recognizing how to detect any malice in their intentions, but additionally, it was also simply a learned behavior that stemmed from having a dear friend who could not regularly show his face. He learned to understand body language in order to adapt for his sake. Movements. Tone of voice. Choice of wording. This man was not giving off obvious signals of being an enemy, at least for now.

Kid watches him for a long time. He sucks his teeth, making an audible clicking sound with his tongue when he releases them. He's trying to decide if it's worth it or not.

Well, maybe an incredibly vague rundown of his powers wouldn't be the worst thing. He could leave out anything that might be readily used against him, and he could stop if the stranger started probing for more than he was willing to offer. Even if Kid didn't trust him, he did pique his curiosity.

     ❝ Ya answered yer own question. 'S like ya said — everything is kinda magnetic; just not always enough to do a whole lot with. ❞

There's a slight pause here as he shifts on his seat, leaning his right elbow to rest against his knee. He deeply exhales as he moves, in a way one might expect from a much older gentleman, rather than a healthy young man in his early twenties.

     ❝ Ya know all about atoms, don't ya? I ain't gonna explain that shit if ya don't. ❞

He should, since he already brought up electrons. This isn't necessarily a subtle insult. Multiple members of his crew had a limited understanding of basic scientific principals due to their upbringing and home environment. It wasn't unusual for his question to be answered 'no', and at which point, Kid was quick to lose interest in continuing the conversation. Trying to tell someone that there are tiny little specs smaller than dust that made up everything in the universe sounded like the nonsensical ramblings of a madman. The only reason he even knew about the existence of atoms to begin with was because Old Man Ketil had taken the time to tutor him, even if he hadn't been particularly happy about it at the time.

The stranger doesn't stop him, so Kid continues.

     ❝ Atoms have their own force fields, right? They got their core — their nucleus, protons, neutrons — then ya got the space around them, these little... loops, I guess. Yer electrons spin and orbit and make these electrical rings that circle them. When they move in the same direction, that's their magnetic field, right? This charge that goes all around the core. ❞

He can already feel himself struggling to tell what areas should elaborate on, and what he should skim over. He wonders how long it will take for the stranger to give up trying to follow.

     ❝ It ain't like I can see atoms or some shit; that's not what my fruit does. But I don't need to, 'cause I can feel those loops. See, the Jiki Jiki no Mi, it gives that magnetic charge a physicality. It makes it tangible. Makes ya more aware of it being there. So every one of those loops stops being this force ya can't touch, and instead it's like, they're all made of strands of thread, or silk or somethin'.      Ya try to touch one strand of silk, it's just gonna break. Ya can't move anythin' with one strand of silk. But when ya get a fuck ton of those strands all together, and ya grab them all at once.... ❞

To demonstrate, he makes a tight fist with his right hand. In conjunction, an empty, partially crushed beer can that he had earlier discarded on the ground then begins to levitate, moving closer towards him and hovering just inches below his enclosed palm; it deliberately swings, almost as if he's trying to make it resemble a yoyo on an invisible string.

     ❝ — That's how ya make rope. Then ya just gotta tug that rope in the right direction. Ya gotta decide if ya want to attract or repel, and it's like contractin' the muscles in yer arm. ❞

He squeezes his fist closer towards his bicept at this, tensing the muscle fibers below his skin. But then, he slackens, and releases his fist entirely, letting the can immediately succumb to gravity and fall to the ground with a tinny clang.

     ❝ Anyway, that's why it ain't easy to, say, control blood through the iron cells. The iron is too diluted; not enough to grab onto. Doesn't do shit. ❞

The average human being has approximately around four grams of iron in their body, though the exact quantity depends on a large number of variables. When that's dispersed, there isn't a whole lot of force to be created from moving those individual iron molecules. What created significantly more force than moving those four grams of iron was Kid's fist, punching them in the gut at full strength and rupturing their spleen. However, that didn't mean he wasn't capable of magnetizing the human body at all; since his devil fruit's awakening, he has since acquired the ability to do just that.

     ❝ — But if ya can give tangible loops to any atom, ya can start makin' the whole person into one huge magnet, and ya don't have to worry about findin' the right cells to single out. Ya just start screwin' with the electrons to stitch stronger loops to all the atoms, even if they're usually too weak to do anythin' with. ❞

The problem with that was the energy expenditure required to create a significant magnetic field for almost every individual atom that made up a human person, as well as the concentration it took. It was a work in progress, and admittedly, even just being able to do it for a short amount of time was impressive enough; but this skill is still in its primitive stages, and requires significant work before it is honed to its fullest potential. He still has yet to master isolating oxygen atoms in order to repel them from a person's body and suffocate them, for example. When it came to ambitious desires, Kid always preferred to go big. He longs for the day that he can control the entire world through its geomagnetic field. He impatiently waits for the day that he can hold the entire Earth hostage, if such a thing were possible. He has visions of controlling the tides of the seas through the movements of the moon, and the ground would split apart at his will, because the stranger was right — magnetism is potentially present in all things, if he is only able to utilize it, manipulate it, and create that which he needed in order to control anything he desired. Playing God has nothing to do with it; he just enjoys tearing things apart for the sake of seeing how they work.

This is an awful lot of time spent on conversing with someone he doesn't even know. He doesn't feel particularly compelled to elaborate in too much more detail beyond this, though the explanation is certainly missing some key elements. Manipulating the shape of magnetic materials was more complicated than simply moving an object around in the air, and involved more focused work on pinpointing individual areas and applying force to alter the structure of the metal, as if he were playing cat's cradle. Altering the patterns of electrons and changing the relationship between north and south poles were other topics that he didn't need to bother with right now. Whatever. He got his answer. Maybe's Kid would give him a few crumbs more if he bought him another beer or something. Dinner, maybe. Was he even listening? If he wasted all that time yapping to this guy and he wasn't even paying attention, Kid might just shoot him in the head out out of sheer annoyance.

     ❝ Ya get all that shit, Buttercup? ❞

[deathlessathanasia]

"We are told that Hera’s punishment with the golden chain was provoked by the discovery that it was she who had contrived to send Heracles to Cos (14.249-56; 15.18-30). According to later writers (Apollod. 2.7.1 and Plu. Mor. 304c-d), the story runs as follows: having sacked Troy, Heracles encountered a storm sent by Hera; driven to Cos, he was attacked, wounded and almost killed by the people there. From this crisis he escaped either because he was rescued by Zeus (Apollodorus), or because he hid in the house of a Thracian woman, in whose clothes he dressed himself and fled (Plutarch). Then, summoned by Athena, he went to Phlegra to fight against the Gigantes. (...)

We must now recall the curious role of Heracles in the war against the Gigantes. A scholion to Pindar’s Nemean 1.101 informs us of his contribution to the war: Phlegra is a place and a village in Thrace, where the Gigantes were defeated by the gods. When the gods were engaged in battle with them, and could not prevail over the Gigantes, they say that Gaia told that the Gigantes would not be defeated unless two of the demi-gods should fight as the gods’ allies. When Heracles and Dionysus joined the battle, the gods triumphed over the Gigantes. (schol. Pind. Nem. 1.101) Apollodorus (Bibl. 1.6.1) offers a similar story: the gods received an oracle stating that none of the Gigantes could perish at the hands of the gods, but they would be destroyed with the help of a mortal. So, Zeus summoned Heracles by means of Athena: Now an oracle was given to the gods that none of the Gigantes could be destroyed by them, but if a mortal should fight as their ally, they could overcome them. Learning of this, Earth sought for a medicinal plant to prevent the Gigantes from being destroyed even by a mortal. But Zeus, on the one hand forbade Dawn and the Moon and the Sun to shine, and he cut off the medicinal plant himself, before anybody else could get it, and on the other hand, by means of Athena, he summoned Heracles to fight as his ally. (Bibl. 1.6.1)

It is clear from these accounts that Heracles’ intervention in the war against the Gigantes was crucial. This is why he was helped by Athena on Cos, and was taken to the battle against the Gigantes. This explains why it was to Cos that Hera sent Heracles: Hera attempted to render him unable to join the war. According to the traditional story pattern, Hera persecuted Heracles out of jealousy; but another version can perhaps be seen behind Hera’s hostility to Heracles, if we read this story in the light of the Gigantomachy. Had her plan been successful, Zeus would have been defeated by the Gigantes, and it could be for this treachery that Zeus punished her by binding her with the golden chain. The Iliad states that Hera’s plot against Heracles resulted in the harsh punishment of binding. Heracles’ status as the beloved son of Zeus is offered as a reason for the severity of the punishment. We can, however, suggest a further cause for a punishment which appears overly stringent merely for diverting a mortal off his course – even though Zeus’ punishments were sometimes disproportionate to the crimes. I suggest that this harsh punishment would be appropriate for an attempt to overthrow Zeus’ sovereignty."

- Noriko Yasumura , Challenges to the Power of Zeus in Early Greek Poetry

[missallblues]

Hey, I have a question. Is there any more depth to your headcanon about Mario being selectively (?) mute? Just curious.

hey anon idk if you wanted me to explain why I headcanoned Mario being selectively mute or if you just wanted more headcanons so I just explained my reasoning for this HC maybe i’ll do more HC’s later when i’m off work sorry if i misunderstood your sentence i’m kind of stupid and i struggle with comprehending sentences sometimes 😭😭

Okay so for me personally there’s just a lot of in game evidence for mario canonically having selective mutism for starters the only time we hear him full talk is whenever he’s alone with Luigi (Bowser’s Inside Story, and if i remember correctly he doesn’t actually speak again when Starlow joins the team only his signature grunts and hmmm) or when he’s by himself (Mario 64 Start Screen). In any other game he’s in if he’s not alone with Luigi or by himself he never talks, in Paper Mario he’s the only character that doesn’t have a text box and in any of the 3D platforming games (most notably Bowser’s Fury and Super Mario Galaxy) his only responses are grunts and even then those are limited (and primarily when he’s by himself).

That’s game!Mario though, Movie!Mario and Show!Mario are two complete different characters in my head (although I still enjoy show!mario whilst movie!mario is…..i don’t wanna talk about it #notmymario) so anybody who disagrees with me is completely fine i don’t really care it’s more of a personal HC for me then anything else (even if there is some in game knowledge with it but again it’s just the silent protag trope)

IDK just as someone who used to have selective mutism and also has autism (I hc’d Mario to have autism as well but autism and mutism aren’t always linked to together so it’s sort of unrelated) it just brings me a lot of comfort since this guy is like so beloved by people in game and out of game and it’s like oh wow I can almost pretend ableism just does not exist!

Anyway yeah hopefully this explains some stuff!! I’m not really good with expanding my thoughts and talking with them so if you need me to go further in detail pls don’t be afraid to send a message i genuinely struggle with these kinds of stuff 😭😭😭😭

[myuselessartandstories]

Story #35

Nausit

>Year 3281 for Earth Solar System-

>Recovering Voice File.....

>......File Recovered......

Damnit! Close, door! Close! Crap.... *rustling noise* Clara! Come on, wake up. Where’s the med kit? *footsteps* Somebody looted it. Of course. Just our luck. Dane just couldn’t close the damn vial could he? Had to be all curious. *footsteps, rustling noise* If you die, I’m not gonna forgive you. That ring was expensive. *rustling noise*

>End of Voice File-

>Recovering Video File.....

>......File Recovered......

Someone is dragging a body. The body still has a pulse, so the body remains classified as alive. The metal walls of the hallway are dented and covered in red spots. There is a purple vine growing quickly, an inch every 5 seconds, across the ceiling. Purple vine remains unidentified, but is not from the classification file from the garden room.

The person dragging the body stops for a moment and looks towards the ceiling. Their mouth opens, presumably in a scream, then grabs the body and begins dragging it again. The person turns a corner with the body.

>Switching Video File-

The person is trying to pull the body away from the purple vines, which have curled around the body. The body slowly turns a purple shade. Its heartbeat stops, and is now presumed dead. The purple vine reaches towards the person, who turns and runs. The camera is then covered by purple, presumed to be the vine.

>End of Video File-

>Recovering Voice Message File from Cadet Robyn.....

>......File Recovered......

It took Clara. Shit! Just couldn’t keep the vile closed! *pause* Good, it’s working. This is Cadet Robyn of the Probe Ship 231 over by Maurresi. We were supposed to find new species of plants and creatures from planets nearby- *pause, heavy breathing* Why am I explaining this? Fuck protocol! Send help! One of the plants got out! It’s killing everyone! *pause*

*heavy footsteps, more heavy breathing* Somebody fucking pick up! I wasn’t trained for this!

>End of Voice Message File from Cadet Robyn-

>Recovering Call File from Cadet Robyn’s Communicator and SOS Retrieval Monitor Lyam.....

>......File Recovered......

SOS received Cadet. Please explain the situation further so I know who to send.

Explain further?! Fuck you! Just send somebody! Anybody that can kill a killer plant! *heavy footsteps*

Please calm down. Explain the situation further, and I may be able to help you.

Fine. Fine. We got these plants from a moon close to Maurresi. One was this weird purple flower thing. I told Dane to- Fuck! *door slams, panting* I told Dane not to mess around too much, but he did and now look what’s happening!

Cadet, this is a call, I cannot see anything. Please use your words.

Fuck you. *pause* The plant grew these vines. They’re spiked and seem toxic. My partner Clara..... Clara.... Fuck.... Clara died... *soft sobbing noise*

Understood. I will send the Containment Fleet. Please try to find either a Safe Room or an Escape Pod. It should take less than 20 minutes.

Look... I.. I don’t know- *sigh* I don’t know if anybody else is alive. I haven’t seen anyone else. 

That’s fine Cadet. Work on staying alive. We’ll need your statement so we can properly record what happened.

That’s all you care about? Getting this logged and put away? People have died! I’m about to die!

Cadet, please calm down, the Containment-

No! Fuck you and fuck the organization! I’m done! *door opens* Hey! You dumbass plant! Take me with Clara!

Cadet, please rethink your actions. Find a Safe Room or an Escape Pod.

.....

Cadet?

.....

Shit. I’m definitely getting in trouble for this.

>End of Call File from Cadet Robyn’s Communicator and SOS Retrieval Monitor Lyam-

>Recording Started.....

This problem has been resolved. As all personnel on Probe Ship 231 was deemed dead, the ship was given instructions to self-destruct. Nothing was recovered. This incident is to remain under wraps.

>End of Recording-

-----------------------------

Year 3284 for Earth Solar System-

>Recovering Video and Voice File.....

>......File Recovered......

Three people sit in a room in separate chairs. They each hold a glass of liquid, presumed to be an alcoholic beverage. 

“You said nothing was recovered.” 

“Yes, but that was for the company’s protection.”

“So you are researching this plant?”

“Yes. We believe it could have many uses for us. Making it into a weapon seems to be the most obvious course of action. We could easily sell it to any galaxy’s military.”

“I want no part in this.”

One person stands and sets their drink down. The person across from him pulls a gun from their inside jacket pocket and shoots the person standing. The person’s standing’s heartbeat stops, and is now presumed dead. Nobody moves following that.

“And everybody used to say humans were the worst creatures in the universe.”

“Well, then I guess it’s time the Nausits claimed that title.”

>End of Video and Voice File-

(this was one of the most fun stories I've ever written tbh)

[moobyweed]

Now I'm coming at this from a 2020 live-action pov, but I think it would be really neat and fucked up if Shibuki was a game dealer and managed to recruit Chota as well.

[tired-teacher-blog]

How would hawks or bakugo react to finding out their gf is a virgin and genophobic? (Not looking for nsfw or any of that im just curious unlessssss)

Oh come on I know you want me to make it NSFW right? 😜 Hhhhh I'm teasing you. But seriously, this is an interesting topic to get into so I'll do my best and I hope you like my input❤️

Hawks reacting to his s/o being a virgin and suffering from genophobia

Genre : fluff/ angst/ NSFW/ romance/ happy ending

Trigger warning : mentioning of sexual assaults/ genophobia

Genophobia : Fear of sexual intercourse

Please do not read if you're a minor!!

Masterlist

You and Keigo have been together for a couple of months, and they have been the happiest months of your life.

But there was only one thing that made your heart ache. You two haven't gone further than holding hands or kissing, and even those things were rarely done.

You were afraid to go to the next level with him, and it's not that you don't trust him, because you fucking do. It's just that everytime you even think about it, your anxiety kicks in, and it's not the usual nervousness one would get in a similar situation, no! This is much worse and it gets to the point where you're unable to even breathe.

Keigo noticed your uneasiness whenever you two are in a close proximity, and he was getting worried. He thought that maybe you didn't love him the way he loved you so he had to ask you one day when you two were watching TV in his apartment:" hey y/n, I have something to ask you." He was clearly nervous:" are you truly happy with me?"

You looked at him wide eyed, what did he mean by that? Of course you were, so what made him question that?

_" What do you mean Keigo? Of course I'm happy with you." You managed a shaky laugh, deep down you knew where this was going.

_" I'm sorry, I never ment to doubt you, but I keep having this feeling that you're not entirely comfortable with me, you keep avoiding my touch as if I'm about to hurt you."

You shouldn't be surprised with any of what he just said considering the way you act around him whenever you two get a bit intimate.

It hurt you to know that you were the reason for his unhappiness and you knew that you should explain yourself, he deserves that at least.

_" I'm sorry Keigo, I'm really sorry for making you feel this way but trust me it's not what you think.." your eyes started to water and you lowered your head trying to hide your tears:" I'm just.. scared." You finished almost in a whisper, but he heard you clearly.

_" Scared? Of me?!" He was shocked.

_" No! not you, I mean not just you." You wished you were dead:" Just know that I love you, never doubt that."

He was now worried for another reason, were you in trouble? Did something happen that made you lose trust even in him? He needed answers, not for his sake but for yours.

_" Babe please explain to me what's going on."

You started talking and held nothing back. You told him about the sexual assaults you had to endure in your childhood, the thing that made it frightening to even imagine yourself being involved in a sexual relationship with anybody. And how you lost trust in everyone and everything until you met him.

You could tell he was trying his hardest to remain calm, and you felt bad for him. What did he do wrong to be stuck with a person like you?

You paused for a moment before saying:" I realize that this is too much to take, and I will totally understand if you choose to let me go, I will never blame you I promise." Your heart was shattering at your own words, but you knew you had to say it. And as soon as you finished talking, you felt two strong arms wrapping around you, and a soothing voice saying:" I will never let go, not even if you ask me to. I love you and that's that. We'll figure it out. We can seek treatments and do whatever it takes to make you feel better. You have to realize that I love you, all of you and not just your body. Do you understand what I'm trying to say?"

Your tears started falling and you couldn't do anything to stop them, all you could do was nod your head and hug him even tighter. You were lucky.

Months had passed, and you were already starting to feel a lot better; no more nightmares about the past and no more anxiety when Keigo touches you, the treatments were really effective.

You seriously started to consider moving forward with your boyfriend, you even consulted your psychiatrist on one of your sessions when Keigo was called for work and couldn't stay with you till the end of the meeting like he usually does.

Your doctor liked the idea, and told you that the fact that you were thinking about it was a good sign, it meant that you were in your last stages of treatment.

You were having dinner with Keigo in his apartment when you told him that you wanted to have sex with him. Let's just say he almost choked to death on his food. You weren't surprised with his reaction. After all, it was the first time ever that you suggest such a thing. You felt a little bad for him you weren't gonna lie; being together for almost a year and never having sex before, not many men would agree to that.

He looked hesitant, he was really happy with the progress you were making, and didn't want to do anything to ruin it, so you had to convince him.

You stood up from your chair, walked right up to him and sat on his lap. You startled him so he wasn't sure how to respond, and just sat there.

You on the other hand, felt at ease, you were happy that you were finally able to do this with the love of your life:" Keigo, I'm okay I really am. I'm not forcing myself I swear. Let me show you that I mean it." You leaned in and planted a kiss on his lips. He was still in a state of shock, so you had to do more; you moved closer to his ear and whispered seductively:" please Keigo, do you have any idea how much courage I had to muster to be able to tell you this? I want you and I trust you, and I would give myself to you with no hesitation, so please.." you finished by kissing his earlobe.

He suddenly swooped you off your feet and rushed to the bedroom.

He gently placed you on top of his bed and hovered over you with his arms on each side of your head before saying:" Alright sweetheart let's do this, but I want you to promise me something, if you change your mind at any point then you have to tell me and we will stop, don't force yourself okay?" He finished with a smile.

You nodded and smiled back at him.

He leaned in and kissed your forehead first, then each of your cheeks, your nose, and finally your lips where he lingered for a moment.

You felt his tongue caressing your lower lip ever so gently, and instinctively opened your mouth for him. He deepened the kiss and you let out a breathy moan at the feeling.

His hands traveled slowly under your shirt, and you unknowingly arched your back.

_" Are you feeling alright love?" Your man asked as soon as he leaned away from the kiss.

_" Yes, I'm okay." You answered him with a smile, and you were really okay, you never thought the day would come when you would really be.

He moved to your neck and planted soft kisses along the side until he reached your collarbone.

His clothes were on the way, and you wanted them off. So you weakly pulled up his shirt signaling him to remove it, and so he did.

You were staring; there he was, bulging muscles, messy hair, half lidded eyes and those beautiful crimson wings framing this masterpiece. Only when he let out a small giggle were you brought back to reality:" you like what you see honey?" He teased you.

You instantly covered your face with your hands and nodded.

_" Alright babe, your turn. Can I remove your shirt?" He was so gentle.

_" Yes, please." You answered him before lifting your arms up to help him with the task.

He proceeded to take off your clothes, leaving feathery kisses to your newly exposed skin.

You enjoyed every moment of this new feeling, his lips felt amazing on you.

You were comfortable, and you were ready for more.

Keigo looked up at you and said:" babe I'm about to remove your panties, is that okay?"

_" Yes Keigo, keep going and don't stop, please."

He proceeded to slowly pull down your underwear, never missing the chance to leave a trail of kisses from your tummy and down to your naval.

You had your eyes shut at that point. It was embarrassing exposing yourself fully to him, but it felt good nonetheless.

You suddenly felt something wet and warm moving along your clit. You let out a gasp in suprise and he suddenly stopped:" Sweetheart I'm sorry, was that too much? You want me to stop?"

You sat up and kissed his cheek:" No Keigo don't stop. I was just surprised." You reassured him before continuing in a much lower voice:" I liked it."

That's all it took for him to push you back down and once again bury his face between your thighs.

The feelings he was giving you rendered you a moaning mess underneath him. You grabbed his hair and tightened your thighs around his head.

He knew you were close, and he wanted you to have that feeling once, before you move on to the next thing. Your legs were shaking uncontrollably. This was new, something you have never felt before. You cried out his name before falling limp underneath him.

He sat up, licked his lips, and moved up to kiss your neck:" The voices you were making and the faces you're giving me are driving me nuts."

You smiled shyly and said:" That's your fault isn't it?"

_"It is, and I'll take full responsibility for it."

_" Well then, I want to carry on." You replied while spreading your legs further for him.

_" Alright love, but please know that this next part will probably not be as pleasant, you're also still a virgin so it might hurt more than it should. If you want to stop here for now then that's totally alright, we have all the time in the world."

_" I'm not gonna lie, I am a bit nervous which is totally normal but I'm not scared at all, I trust you and I know you'll treat me gently." You smiled.

_" I promise you I will my love."

He kissed you deeply on the lips and moved his right hand down to your pussy while his left one was cupping your cheek.

He moved his fingers along your wet clit first, and then moved down slowly to your virgin entrance. He gently prodded you there and carefully watched your reaction. You bit your lower lip hard, it didn't really hurt, but it was a new and strange feeling that you just needed to get used to.

Keigo was doing his job to distract you from any unpleasant feelings and it was working, his lips were all over your face and neck and chest kissing and nibbling softly on your skin.

He was able to put two fingers inside you but he knew he needed to put more before you're ready for him.

With the third finger, a sharp pain came rushing over you and you shrieked.

Keigo halted all movements and was about to pull out his fingers, but you stopped him, you knew the pain was inevitable so you wanted to continue. You asked him to give you a bit of time to adjust to the new feeling and then carry on.

And so he did. It got easier soon enough, and the feeling of his fingers moving in and out of you turned from pain to pleasure.

You were prepared for him:" Keigo, please put yours in, I'm ready." You pleaded between moans.

He took his fingers out of you and situated himself at your entrance before moving in agonizingly slow. His fingers were nothing compared to his dick, you dug your nails deep in his back and braced yourself. He gave you time to adjust:" Are you okay honey? I won't move just yet I promise, take as much time as you need to get used to it." He was struggling to keep his cool but he would never do anything to harm you.

You took a few deep breaths and asked him to start moving. He pulled out slowly and pushed back in. You felt something trickling out of your pussy and down the crack of your ass. Keigo noticed it too. It was your hymns' blood, you were breached for the first time after all.

Keigo looked up at you and asked with worry filled eyes:" Does this hurt?"

_" No, it actually doesn't." Your tears started forming at the corners of your eyes, they weren't tears of pain or regret or fear, no, those were tears of happiness. You couldn't explain it at the time but Keigo seemed to understand. He leaned in and kissed your tears away.

He kept moving in and out of you at a slow steady pace.

The pain soon disappeared and another feeling came to replace it.

You started moaning again and pleading your man to move faster inside you.

He was happy to comply, especially that he too was getting close.

A few deep moves later, you arched your back, bit your lip and unconsciously tightened your pussy around your winged hero.

You came around his dick and finally let yourself fall slack, he kept moving inside you for a couple of more minutes. He kept feeling your pussy fluttering around his dick and it drove him over the edge.

He immediately pulled out, pumped his penis a couple of times and came all over your belly.

He looked at your flushed satisfied face, your naked body glazing in sweat and his cum, spread out in front of him and your chest moving up and down with each breath you tried to take.

He couldn't believe his eyes, he moved to meet your eyes and you instantly pulled him in for a kiss:"I love you Keigo, more than you can even imagine." You whispered against his lips.

_" I love you too baby girl, and I will never let you go."

And he kept his promise.

[kshira]

—filthy rich

a bet//making you cum//rich boy sakusa//that’s it//that’s the tweet

18+ content//minors dni

wc: 2,066

18+ content, cursing, f!reader, blushy sakusa, fingering, soft dom sakusa (?), alcohol consumption, mentions of alcohol, reader slightly buzzed, smut in general

+ this is my piece for the rich boy collab, i thank @bakugohoex for letting me join & be sure to check out the rest of the wonderful event!

//“wanna make a bet, pretty boy?” atsumu grins, raising his glass to his lips, raking his eyes over the crowds of people until he makes you his target.

“the bet being?” sakusa says, meeting eye contact with you then bashfully taking the gaze away.

“well i’m bored, a little horny and that pool girl over there looks pretty fuckin’ hot” atsumu takes the glass gulping the last of the whiskey before slamming it back down.

sakusa shutters when he hears the glass crack at the metal table, his nerves are building but the alcohol soothes it—somewhat.

lavish cars fill his garages, endless expensive clothes pack sakusa’s closets, and the infinity amount of money suffused his bank account.

yet sakusa doesn’t understand why he feels numb, his money attracts everything and anyone—his bed never stays empty neither does his wallet but his soul—hollow.

“lets see who can fuck her first but more importantly who can make her cum first” atsumu wipes the brown liquor from his lips before giving sakusa a little push “you first omi.”

sakusa stumbles forward but takes the stride into your path around the pool, slowly walking in your direction watching you scoop the towels from vacant chairs and wiping down tables as you go.

“you do an exceptional job.. as a pool girl..fuck why did i say that, hi hello” sakusa covers his pink covered cheeks, eyeing the way your hips sway a certain way as you finish wiping down a chair.

“is this your way of hitting on me?” you chuckle, turning around to face the unknown force behind you—unexpectedly he wasn’t an old creep this time.

sakusa was in no doubt a beautiful man but where to start? that was what your eyes kept doing.

you started with his hair, the way he certainly tried to mask the curls in gel but the summer heat brought them spiraling down over his face, his pale skin adorned his muscles carved within and the most catching part you found about him was those beauty marks perfectly placed on his face.

“what time do you get off?” sakusa avoids your eyes when he mutters the words out, of course he knows he’s attractive but rejection never settled well with him.

“mm, well if you rub me just right i usually get off pretty quickly” you try to conceal the smile you have watching sakua’s eyes widen by your bold statement, you notice it doesn’t take much to get a reaction from him—you wonder that with other parts of him.

“j-just give me your number and text me when you get off— off work” sakusa coldly states and turns around as quickly as he got there leaving a confused look from you and a hysterical atsumu in the background.

you had seen this famous sakusa before, anybody flocked to him at every social event you unfortunately attended for the filthy disgusting rich, cleaning up behind them and taking their harsh coated words just for the sake of a little bit of money.

sakusa was placed in this group by his fame nonetheless and the staggering amount of money he’d collected through his growing career, so fuck it you think, might as well play this game he’d started—eat the rich instead of them devoring you for a change.

your text to sakusa left unanswered for a brief moment to give you some time to unwind and relax including a well deserved bottle of expensive champagne and a hot shower.

but as the alcohol finally started soaking in your phone lit up and the engine of a car in your apartment complex turned off.

kiyoomi sakusa was here, with all that fame and glory.

he was casually leaning on a ferrari, typical you thought for him to pull up in a car more expensive than anything you owned all together—filthy rich with the looks to double the amount.

“come in” you wave him into your apartment, watching him check his phone again and stride to your spot right inside your home.

“interesting..place” sakusa grunts, taking his shoes off and the door and shyly walking closer to the living room before planting his heavy body down on the couch.

“not up to your standards i guess?” you joke, crawling beside him on the couch, your fingers grazing his chest for stability—he’s nervous with a sweat beading around his dark curls and that tint of pink on his cheeks you’ve started to like on him.

“enough of the small talk, you know why i’m here we texted enough to get on first name basis and for you to know i’m not a creep or anything but—“ sakusa pauses to watch your expression, wide eyed and full of curiosity it kind of pains him to explain further.

“go on” you hum, swiping a piece of hair behind your ear scooting closer to him and to add a little bit of spice your hand stays dormant on his thigh.

“it was a bet to sleep with you but that’s something that we don’t have to do or anything like that—the other part of the bet is useless to talk about but i just had to make it look like i was actually doing the bet so i wouldn’t get ragged on by my friend..” sakusa is afraid to look at you, his eyes staying down at the floor memorizing the patterns of the hardwood floor.

“the bet.. what’s the other part?” you’re genuinely curious but if anything the fact that this rich boy is wanting to walk away in shame and defeat has you wondering—tasting for something else.

“to..make you.. c-cum and i was chosen to go first” sakusa leans back on the couch, wanting to melt into it entirely from embarrassment.

“is that so? i did say it didn’t take much to get me off” you smile back, peeling his large palms from his red cheeks to see a sly smile hiding under it.

“it’s been awhile for me so don’t have great expectations” sakusa chuckles interlocking his fingers with yours and moving inches closer till your lips can just almost touch.

there wasn’t time to take in his kiss when his tongue already started gently touching the walls inside your mouth, the sweet liquor still lingered and mixed with the champagne you had drunk; it was a divine taste.

sakusa went first taking his clothes off, starting with his shirt that colored your old wooden floors, his upper body was on display and fuck did it look good.

the ridges that filled his stomach formed remarkable abs, his skin flashed an ivory stain and those beauty marks created mini constellations all over.

an idea had tainted your mind for awhile, his beautiful body so clean and pure— needed something on it.

“do you mind if i pour this champagne on you?” your finger taps on the glass whilst your other hand draws circles on his bare chest.

“if you clean up the mess you’re going to start” sakusa holds his bottom lip between his teeth as you’d already started pouring the golden liquid all over his stomach.

“i planned to” your tongue drags away the champagne, licking all where it flows but never leaving his skin—you can feel sakusa’s body tremble at every lap you place on him and the bulge under your ass keeps growing bigger.

you gaze up to see him and a hazed lustful sakusa groans back at you, his cheeks dusted pink all over again with that growing bulge under you throbbing at this point.

“do you want me to go further? since you haven’t done this in awhile i can—“ you wince when sakusa pulls your face up by your cheeks, his palms practically swallowing your face whole.

“i said i haven’t done this in a while not that i don’t know how to fuck you” he takes you in another kiss, devouring your lips with his own swirling his tongue around the champagne laying shallow in your mouth.

sakusa decided the sweet taste isn’t enough, he’s growing tired of his hardened dick just rubbing under you, he needs release soon.

“tell me, how does a pool girl like you have chardonnay champagne?” sakusa smirks, pulling your flimsy shirt off to reveal your tits; you shake from the exposed air fluttering to your skin leaving your nipples perked to a draw.

“i think compensation like expensive drinks are well deserved after dealing with rich fucking pricks all day” sakusa leans down listening to your reply, kissing your bare skin till he reaches your breasts.

“this rich fucking prick is about to fuck you though, you pretty little thing” his tongue wraps around one nipple sucking so slightly, you dance your fingers through the strands of his curls—the moan that escaped from your throat define that sakusa is in command.

“f-fuck feels good” you squeak, your voice stays rippled in your lungs—you don’t want to feel this good by a lick or a touch but the way sakusa is treating your body it’s a reflex now.

sakusa moves on to the other perked nipple, treating this one with more attention and while you’re caught up in the pulses your pussy is vibrating he slowly slings his hand down to your shorts, slipping them off and sinking one finger in.

“fuck—so wet, wet for me huh?” he groans into your tits, taking action in your messy hole, scissoring and moving with ease he’s already able to slip another one right in.

you want to answer him but you just don’t care too, you’re so caught up feeling his tongue trace a rotation on your perked breasts and his fingers plunging in your velvet walls that whatever you want to say fills right in with the orgasm you’re about to pull out.

sakusa feels you clamping down on his thick fingers, he knows you’re about to cum and he could walk away right afterwards with his winning bet but with your mouth agape, eyes glossy from the pleasure and you moaning for nobody but him—he wants inside of you.

you're reaching the top of your peak fast, your flowing essence tingling down your toes all you think about is him, his thick fingers and when you start to cum all on his fingers now you’re thinking about his dick.

“taste so good, so fucking good” sakusa pulls away from your cunt, his fingers soaked with the tips of them dripping in your cum and going right in his mouth.

god, did he have to do that?

“want you—want you in me now” you plead, palming at his pants and rubbing at his still stiff cock; you’re no one to beg but fuck you’re doing it now.

“such a good girl for me letting me make you cum, this time i’m gonna cum with you, yeah?” sakusa places a kiss on cheek trailing down your neck while he slips the rest of his clothes off and with the last drop of his clothes off you feel his knees dip in on the couch around you and that first stroke in.

of course measured with his height you’d known he’d be big but that soothing burn into your soaking pussy was the pure, uneducated guess he’d be this big.

but fuck did he reach that spot you couldn’t touch with your fingers, the way he’d bend your knees straight to your chest to get right at your cervix and you’d be goddamned if his dick didn’t rub right in your clit for safe measures.

“i’m not going to last when you feel this good but fuck i wanna” sakusa heaves, bringing his chest flushed to your knees, pressing down harder so he’s so balls deep he’s connected one with your soul.

“you gonna cum so soon huh? cum in this pussy” you moan out, digging nails in him and clenching so hard it’s cutting the blood flow down below on him.

“yeah? that what you want? fill this messy hole with my cum? god you’re so something else” sakusa fucks you faster till his balls are slapping at your wet thighs and his breathing matches with his speed.

“i’m gonna cum, i can’t hold it—fuck!” he bites down on your shoulder before stalling to fill you entirely up.

with a bet like this, you wonder how his other friend is going to fuck you//

[waitimcomingtoo]

Red

Pairing: Arvin Russel x Reader

Warnings: fighting, swearing, southern dialect (not really a warning lol)

Masterlist

“Hey Arvin.” Leonora smiled as she climbed into her brothers car. “Sorry it took so long. I got my dress caught on a locker.”

“I don’t mind waiting, long as those hillbilly boys ain’t bothering you.” Arvin stated in his low southern drawl.

“They left me alone today thanks to Y/n.” Leonora sighed in content as she situated her bible on her lap.

“Y/n?” Arvin furrowed his eyebrows. “Who’s that?”

As if on cue, you opened the back door of Arvin’s car and got into the backseat.

“Hi.” You waved at the two of them with a cheerful smile. “Sorry I’m late.”

Arvin looked at you in the rear view mirror and cleared his throat, nervously taking off his baseball cap and smoothing his hair down before looking away. You had your hair in banana curls that came to your shoulders, the front pinned back to give a better view of your face. Your cherry red lips matched your skirt, which was a nice contrast to your bright white blouse. Arvin was taken aback by the girl in his backseat, feeling like you were much too pretty to be in his beat up old car. For the first time in his life, he cared about his appearance, fumbling nervously with the brim of his hat.

“There she is.” Leonora looked back at you. “This is my friend Y/n. She’s gonna come with me to visit momma today.”

“Nice to meet you. Awful nice of you to drive us. I don’t know anybody with a car.” You spoke with excitement, as if being in Arvin’s old car was a fancy excursion. He held eye contact with you in the mirror, nodded at you to acknowledge your greeting.

“Nice to meet you too. Name’s Arvin.” He tilted his hat to you. “You have somebody buried up there too?”

“Kinda. My dog is buried under the big oak tree in the back.” You explained. “It’s her birthday today.”

“We’re gonna say a prayer for Bessie and momma. We won’t be too long.” Leonora told him as he started the car.

“Bessie?” He wondered, looking to her for answers. The name ignited nostalgia in him for a song he had never told anyone about.

“That was my dogs name.” You said, a light flush appearing on his cheeks as you spoke directly to him.

“Nice name.” He commented, thinking of his dog Jack. “What breed?”

“Jack russel.” You answered, as if you read him mind.

“She likes Russel’s.” Leonora commented, causing you to jokingly slap her on the shoulder. Arvin’s jaw tightened as he looked at you in the mirror again, curious to know what his sister meant by that.

“Shut up. Least I’m not crushing on a preacher.” You playfully teased her.

“Just teasing.” She laughed as you pulled up to the church. “You can park here, Arvin. We don’t mind the walk.”

“Thanks for driving us, Arvin.” You smiled brightly at him. He finally turned to look at you, face softening when his eyes met yours.

“No trouble missus.” He nodded curtly at you, fighting the urge to break his permanent frown with a smile.

“See you later.” You waved goodbye to him as you left the car, linking your arm through Lenora’s once you were out. Despite your back being to him, he waved back, blowing out a nervous breath as he watched you leave. He wasn’t one to have his head turned by pretty girls, his grandmother worried if he even cared for girls at all, but something about you left a pink tint in his cheeks. He looked at his backseat where you had been, smiling a little at the thought of you. The smell of you flowery perfume lingered in his car, replacing his usual smell of cigarette smoke. It was a nice and welcomed change, one he wouldn’t mind getting used to.

Before long, Arvin heard a knock on his window. He looked up and saw you holding your book bag over your head with an apologetic look of your face. He quickly rolled the window down, blinking a few times in surprise.

“Hi. Leonora wudden done yet and it’s starting to rain. You mind if I wait in here?” You asked like it was a tall order, but he was more than happy to fulfill it. He hadn’t even realized it had begun to drizzle, too wrapped up in that thought of you to notice his surroundings.

“Go ‘head.” He nodded as he unlocked the door. “You don’t have to sit in the back if you don’t want . Front is just fine.”

“Thank you.” You smiled at him as you sat in the passenger seat, shaking the raindrops out of your hair once inside. You tossed your bag over the seat and let it sit in the back before rubbing your arms from the chill of the rain. Arvin wordlessly took of his jacket and laid it over your shoulders when he saw the goosebumps on your arms. You smiled gratefully at him and held the jacket tighter around you, taking in the smell of it.

“Thank you. Rain came out of nowhere.” You laughed breathlessly as you looked at him. Too shy to speak, he gave you a nod in response and looked out the window.

“You don’t talk much, do you?” You asked suddenly, making him look at you again. You had a coy smile on your face, a smile he was growing awfully fond of.

“Don’t got much to say.” He shrugged, just happy you were taking an interest in him.

“Shame.” You chuckled shyly as you looked down at your red fingernails. “I would’ve liked to hear whatever you had to say.”

Arvin’s jaw dropped a little at your statement, immediately coughing to cover up his shocked expression. It was the first time he had ever been flirted with and it showed. He rubbed his hand on his shirt to smooth it as he shook his head, unsuccessful in hiding how flustered you made him.

“You mind if I smoke in here?” He changed the subject before he could embarrass himself further.

“Go ahead. I like the smell.” You shrugged as he pulled out his lighter.

“You do?” He looked at you curiously with his cigarette between his teeth. Most people he knew hated the smell, but you were continuously proving you weren’t like most people he knew.

“Yeah.” You nodded. “Reminds me of my daddy.”

“Me too.” He chuckled softly, finding himself on common ground with you once again. “You smoke?”

He held out his box to you to offer you a cigarette, making you bite your lip as you contemplated it.

“I never tried it before.” You spoke shyly, as if it was something to be embarrassed about.

“Here. I’ll give you a light.” Arvin smirked as he took a cigarette out of the box. You opened your mouth and held eye contact with you as he placed it between your lips, red lipstick staining the base. He lit his own cigarette before leaning forward and lighting yours with his own.

“It’s gonna burn at first, you might start coughing.” He warned you as you took a short puff.

“Whew.” You took it out of your mouth and coughed. “That’s something different.”

“You don’t have to finish it if you don’t like it.” He assured you as he took a long drag of his.

“Never said I didn’t like it.” You winked at him before taking another drag. Arvin looked away as he smiled, rubbing his tired eyes with his free hand.

“My grandmomma hates it when I smoke in here.” He began to open up to you. “Said it makes the seats smell like a factory.”

“Then I won’t tell her.” You drawled. “Secrets safe with me.”

Arvin found the confidence to move his arm to rest on the back of seat, almost close enough to be around you. You took the hint and scooted closer to him, excitement evident in your eyes. He smirked a little before he took his cigarette out of his mouth and blew the smoke in your face. You leaned into his cloud of smoke, holding his gaze as you inhaled. He leaned forward as well, planning to meet you in the middle until you heard the backdoor open.

“Hey guys.” Leonora bumbled as he got in the backseat. “Rain came out of nowhere, didn’t it?”

You and Arvin shared a disappointed look before your turned in your seat to look at Leonora.

“Hi, hun.” You greeted her kindly. “You all set?”

“Yeah. Thanks for coming with me.” She put her hand on your arm and squeezed it in appreciation.

“Anytime.” You told her, sneaking a glance at Arvin as he put his key in the ignition.

He kept quiet on the ride to your house after asking for your address, so you busted yourself by keeping light conversation with Leonora. You didn’t live too far from the church and found yourself in your drive way sooner than you’d like. You unbuckled your seat belt and collected your books, looking at Arvin wistfully before getting out.

“Thank you for driving me home, Arvin.” You thanked him. “You didn’t have to do that.”

“A lady should never walk alone. Specially not in the rain.” He nodded curtly. “Here, I’ll walk you to the door.”

“Are you sure it’s no trouble?” You gazed at him innocently through your lashes. You wanted him to walk you to the door, you just didn’t want him to know that.

“No trouble at all, doll.” He assured you as he got out. You said goodbye to Leonora before Arvin opened your door and helped you out.

“If your grandmomma don’t like the smell, maybe we could smoke outside sometime.” You suggested as you took slow steps to your front door, coming up with any way you could think of to see him again.

“I got the feeling you didn’t like it all the much.” He chuckled as he fidgeted with his cap.

“I could learn to.” You said, almost sadly as you looked at him. You stopped once you got to your front door, silently sliding his jacket off your shoulders and giving it back to him.

“How about we do something else? Something you like to do.” He suggested as he accepted the jacket. Your lips curved into a smile when he showed the same interest in you as you had in him.

“I’m pretty boring, Arvin.” You shrugged shyly as you dug your toe in the dirt. “Alls I do is go to church and do schoolwork.”

“You ain’t bored me yet.” He smirked as he shoved his hands in his pockets. You bit your tongue between your teeth and giggled, timidly tucking your hair behind your ear.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Arvin.” You held your hand out to him for him to shake. He took your hand and kissed your knuckles, never breaking eye contact.

“See you. You have a nice night now.”

You watched him the whole way back to his car, pressing a cold hand to your burning cheek to calm yourself down. Only once he and Leonora had pulled away did you go inside, leaning your back against the door and sighing once you did.

“How come I never seen you with her before?” Arvin asked his sister as he drove towards their house. He knew his sister didn’t have many friends, of any for the matter. And he definitely would’ve remembered seeing you before, considering the way you were stuck in his brain like an old song.

“We just met today. Chuck Greenwood was picking on me this morning but she stopped him. She told me she saw me at the graveyard every day and asked if she could tag alone to see her dog. She’s nice, isn’t she? My first friend.” Leonora smiled proudly as she brushed off her bible, never being one for making friends.

“She’s alright.” Arvin played down his feelings towards you. “How’d she stop Greenwood?”

“She asked him to take her to the drive in. I never seen a boy look so red.” Leonora bounced in excitement. “He forgot all about me and started following her around all day. Shame though, I heard him telling people he had his way with her behind the school busses.”

“That true?” Arvin clenched his jaw, feeling white hot jealousy corse through his veins.

“Course not. Shes not like that.” Leonora said, giving Arvin some peace of mind.

“Good.” He grumbled, turning the corner as his car rattled.

“She’s so pretty.” Leonora gushed. “She told me she could do my makeup for church this Sunday if I like. You think I should?”

“I don’t know. What does the Bible say about lipstick?” Arvin cracked one of his rare jokes.

“Nothing.” Leonora rolled her eyes. “She looks so pretty with it though. Reminds me of momma.”

“She did look pretty.” Arvin mumbled. “Nice color on her.”

“You like her, don’t you?” Leonora’s jaw dropped as her brother showed an emotion other than anger for the first time.

“You mind your own business now. Was just being nice.” Arvin stated as he looked at her in the mirror.

“You ain’t nice to nobody.” Leonora scoffed. “You like her.”

“Shut up.”

“Don’t worry. I won’t tell her nothing.” Leonora smiled in satisfaction.

“You better not. Now hush up before I make you walk home.” Arvin warned.

“Just saying.” Leonora added slyly. “I think she likes you too.”

Arvin looked at her in his mirror to see if she was serious, and she was. He grunted and adjusted his cap, hoping his sister wouldn’t see the smile on his face.

~

“Can you pass me the sugar?” You asked Leonora in her kitchen the following day.

“Here you go.” She handed you the bag. “Thank you for helping me and grandmomma. I don’t know what she was thinking trying to make all this food on her own.”

“I’m happy to help.” You shrugged as you measured the sugar in a cup. “I love cooking. Makes the whole house smell good.”

“Well I appreciate it anyhow.” Leonora smiled at you as she poked your side.

“Something smells good.” Arvin announced as he entered the kitchen, stopping in his tracks when he saw you. “Hi, Y/n.”

“Hi Arvin. We’re making a pie for tonight. You wanna help us?” You turned to face him while resting the bowl of ingredients on your hip. You had an apron loosely tied around your waist and a streak of flour going across one cheek, looking as beautiful as ever.

“Not much of a baker.” He shrugged with a soft smile. “‘Less you like eggshells in your crust.”

“Could you set the table, then? 5 places, Y/n is staying.” Leonora asked him over his shoulder, missing the hopeful look on his face when she mentioned you staying.

“Hope you don’t mind.” You smiled apologetically at him while stirring the bowl with a large wooden spoon.

“Don’t mind at all.” He nodded, moving towards you to get the plates out of the cupboard behind you. “Pardon me.”

“Sorry bout that.” You stepped out of his way, shoulders brushing as you moved.

“No apology needed.” He shook his head as he collected the plates. “See you at dinner.”

You waved to him with your free hand as he left the kitchen and headed towards the table.

“He likes you, you know.” Leonora instigated once her brother was out of earshot.

“Don’t be silly. That boy dudden like anything in this town.” You chuckled, flustered at her implication. “We’re all just something for him to scowl at.”

“He does too.” She insisted. “I seen the honey glow on his cheeks when I mention your name. He thinks you’re pretty.”

“He said that?” You gasped, making Leonora laugh in delight.

“Uh huh.” She poked your side again. “Told me himself on the car ride home. You should’ve seen him, all red and blushin’. I bet he’ll put his plate next to you tonight.”

“If he does, I don’t want you making eyes at me all night.” You teased as you playfully bumped her out of your way with your hip.

“I won’t.” She said innocently as she picked up the basket of bread. “I’ll gonna bring this to the table. Maybe I’ll see your boyfriend while I’m there.”

You hit her on the butt with a dish towel for her comment, her laugh echoing through the house as she went to the table. You began to hum the tune of the Little Bessie song you knew from childhood as you poured the pie filling into the crust.

“My momma used to sing that song.” Arvin’s voice came from behind you, making you jump a little. “It was one of the last things I ever heard from her.”

He joined you at the counter and gave you a half smile, wordlessly holding the pie tin steady as you poured.

“I was awful sorry to hear about what happened to your family. Leonora told me, hope that’s all right.” You spoke softly as you looked at him with sympathetic eyes.

“S’all right.” He shrugged, signaling that he didn’t want to get into it. “She’s told me a thing or two bout you as well.”

“Like what?” You wondered as you took out the uncooked strips of pie crust.

“Like you telling Chuck Greenwood you’d let him take you to the drive in.” Arvin stated, a mixture of disappointment and anger hardening the boyish features of his face.

“She told you that?” You asked in disbelief as you laid the strips in a delicate pattern.

“Yes ma’am. She also told me he started a rumor that the two of you meet up behind the school busses everyday, doing God knows what, after school. That true?” He asked roughly. Leonora has already told him it was false, but he needed to hear it from you.

“No.” You laughed like it was absurd, popping the bubble of jealously that had formed in Arvin’s stomach since he first heard it. “He can say what he wants. Everyone knows he’s full of it.“

“Well if that’s how you feel, why are you going on a date with him?” Arvin gripped the counter and hunched over as he stared at you. You cracked a smile, seeing what Leonora meant by all the times she called him overprotective.

“Oh, Arvin.” You giggled, finishing the pie crust. “I’m not going.”

“But you said yes.” He stood you straight, his face twisted in confusion.

“I know. I said yes so when I don’t show up, it’ll hurt him like he hurt Leonora. Maybe then he’ll realize it’s not nice to mess with people.” You explained as you put the pie in the oven. Arvin was taken aback by your reasoning, standing there dumbstruck as you set a timer. He always thought it was his job and his job only to protect his sister, only to find out there was somebody else looking out for her too. The boundaries of his protection ended where the schoolyard started, and that had always been something that troubled him. Now that he knew he could count on you to keep an eye on her, he felt a weight taken off his shoulders.

“You let that candy ass talk about you like that to protect my sister?” He asked lowly as he took a step towards you. He brought his calloused thumb to your cheek and and wiped the flour from your face. Your breath hitched in your throat as you gazed into his dark and tired eyes.

“She’s my friend.” You stammered. “She’d do it for me.”

Arvin’s lips tweaked into a smile, approving of your answer. He dragged his thumb down your face, pulling your bottom lip down for a moment before it bounced back.

“If that Chuck Greenwood bothers you again, you tell me. All right, doll?” He murmured.

“Why? What are you gonna do about it?” You tilted your head and gave him a sultry smile.

“Kill him.” Arvin said simply, making your heart stop.

“I’m only kidding.” He followed up. “I’ll just set him straight, is all.”

“Thank you.” You said under your breath, too starstruck to speak at full volume.

“Speak up now, darling. Don’t mumble.” He commanded you. You cleared your throat and stood up straighter, hoping that would give the facade of confidence.

“I said thank you.” You repeated.

“No need to thank me. Any friend of my sisters is a friend of mine.” He tipped his hat to you and backed away, grabbing a dish towel to clean his hands.

“So you and I are friends now?” You asked, disappointment making a home in his heart now that he wasn’t in your personal space.

“Don’t have too many of em.” He shrugged. “One more cant hurt.”

He went to leave the kitchen so you quickly untied your apron and followed him.

“Since I’m not going to the drive in, I have nothing to do Friday night.” You began, sighing ostentatiously.

“Oh, yeah?” He smirked at you, taking the hint.

“Yeah.” You continued your charade of looking forlorn. “Leonora has bible study so I’ll be all alone.”

Arvin stopped in the hallway, taking your arm gently between his hand and turning to towards him.

“I could take you somewhere, if you’d like.” He offered as if he had just thought of it, but it had been weighing on his mind since your first encounter.

“I would like that very much.” You nodded, biting back a smile.

“Is it all right if I sit next to you tonight? Uncle Earskell chews pretty loud, it grosses me out.” He chuckled shyly as he scuffed his shoes on the floor.

“Sure.” You giggled, secretly thrilled that Leonora had been right. “I promise I don’t chew that loud.”

Arvin looked up and smiled softly at you, shrugging a little as he scratched his nose.

“I don’t supposed I’d mind all that much if you did.” He said quietly and you understood what he was implying.

“Speak up now, darling.” You repeated his own words. “Don’t mumble.”

Finally, you got a toothy smile out of the stolid boy. He grinned from ear to ear at you rendition of what he said before, feeling oddly proud that it had resonated with you. Before he could act on his feelings, Leonora appeared in the hallway.

“There you two are.” She sighed. “Pie is just about done. Y’all ready to eat?”

You and Arvin nodded repeatedly, both hoping she hadn’t seen anything before she interrupted it. You followed her to the dinning table, blushing when you felt Arvin’s hand on your back to guide you.

~

Friday night, right on time, Arvin pulled up to your house. He didn’t strike you as the kind to be punctual, in fact, he normally wasn’t. He just knew his reputation proceeded him and he didn’t want you thinking he didn’t care. He did care, very much in fact. He cared so much that when he saw you coming out of your house in high waisted shorts and a strapless top, he forgot how to breathe. You had a bandana tying your hair up, red like the color of your lipstick. To Arvin, you looked like a dream come true.

“Hello miss.” He greeted you as you climbed in his front seat. “Where to?”

“Anywhere you wanna take me.” You beamed as you buckled your seatbelt. He grinned wickedly as he started the car, feeling the wind whip through his hair as he pulled off.

He made small talk with you as he drove to a nearby lake, telling you about his new job laying down tar. Though you didn’t care much about the particular subject, you hung on to every word. You got the impression that he had a lot to say at all times, he just didn’t think anybody cared to listen. It wasn’t long before you pulled up to a still body of water, parking right before the shore.

“I like coming up here when the weathers nice.” Arvin told you as he kept his eyes straight ahead. “It’s quiet.”

“People who look for quiet places usually have pretty loud thoughts. What are you thinking bout?” You asked as you turned your body to face him and leaned your head on your hands. Arvin chuckled and fidgeted with his cap, looking anywhere but you.

“Only thing I’m thinking bout right now are those little shorts of yours.” He answered honestly, making you flush.

“You like em?” You smiled as you smoothed your hand over your shorts. “My momma made em. She works at the fabric shop in town.”

“She did a good job.” He finally looked at you. “Look real good on you.”

“What about you? Do you ever wear anything but white shirts and beat up old baseball caps?” You teased as you shook the brim of his cap.

“No ma’am.” He pursed his lips to fight off a smile. “Can’t say I do.”

“Good. Cause I ain’t seen anybody rock a jean jacket as good as you.” You told him. “Looks real good on you too.”

“Why, thank you.” He nodded his head before looking out his window so you wouldn’t see him turning red.

“You blushing?” You laughed, cupping his chin in your hands and making him look at you.

“I blush when pretty girls say I look good.” He defended himself as he playfully shooed your hands away.

“So Leonora was right.” You bit your tongue in amusement.

“About?”

“She said you thought I was pretty.” You sighed dramatically as you checked out your manicure. “Didn’t believe it until now.”

Arvin reached forward and took your chin between his rough fingers, holding it in place so he could get a long look at you. You sucked in a sharp breath as you held his gaze, entirely under his spell now.

“Now how could someone as beautiful as you not believe it?” He drawled, eyes darting between your eyes and your lips.

“I guess I don’t hear it all that much.” You whispered, not wanting to disrupt the moment.

“Let me ask you something, doll.” He began. “Anybody ever kissed you before?”

“No.” You shook your head as much as you could with his hand still attached.

He half smirked. “You ever want somebody to?”

“Not until now.” You breathed.

“Me too.” He gulped before leaning in the rest of the way. His hand was sprawled over your cheek, big enough to cover the entire side of your face as he kissed you hungrily. You accidentally knocked his hat off as you grabbed his face, trying to get as close to him as possible. He laughed as it tumbled onto the seat before reconnecting his lips to yours. He pulled you into his lap and pulled the banana out of your hair, immediately tangling his hands in your messy curls. He brought the banana around your neck and used it to pull you closer to him, if that was possible. You gripped the seat behind him, leaving crescent moon marks where your nails dug into the leather. He pulled away only to catch his breath, leaning his head back in bliss as he panted heavily.

“You gon’ be the death of me, darling.” He groaned as he blew out a breath towards the roof of his car. You took his face between his hands and tilted it down so he was looking at you, brushing your thumbs along his ever bruised cheekbones.

“Well then I hope you rest in peace.” You smirked before kissing him again.

~

The memory of your night in Arvin’s left a lingering grin on your face all weekend, still present on Monday during school. You walked with Leonora to her brothers car once the school day had ended, barely able to hear her over your loud thoughts of Arvin.

“Shoot.” You stopped in your tracks on the way out the school doors. “Forgot my math book.”

“You want me to wait?” Leonora asked kindly.

“No, it’s fine.” You waved your hand in dismissal. “I’ll be quick.”

“Alright then. See you in the car.” She waved goodbye, despite knowing she’ll be seeing you again in a few minutes. You waved back before heading to your locker and collecting your book. Since you were closer to the back of the school, you went out the back doors to walk around. Your heartbeat quickened as you clutched your books to your chest, knowing you’d be seeing Arvin in just a few moments. Your state of bliss was interrupted by someone putting their hand over your mouth from behind and yanking you backwards. All your books fell to the ground as you were harshly pushed up against the brick wall of the school building. Your attempt to scream was muffled by someone’s hand over your mouth, so you just shut your eyes in fear.

“There you are, you little whore. You missed our date on Friday.” Chuck Greenwood said through gritted teeth as he pinned you against the wall. Your eyes flew opened upon identifying your attacker and you impulsively bit down on his hand. He yelped in pain and let go of you, shaking his hand out to relieve the sting.

“Ow! You bitch.” He barked and shoved you again.

“Get off of me.” You shoved him back. “I’m no whore. I just didn’t want to slum it with a no good hilly billy like you. I had better things to do.”

This really set Chuck off as he grabbed your face and held you against the wall, restricted your breathing with his grip.

“Oh yeah? Like what? Know you wasn’t working. I drove by all the most popular street corners but I didn’t see you.” He growled as he got in your face. “Now I’m gonna get what I wanted, and you’re gonna keep quiet.”

His hands moved to your waist and you gasped in fear.

“I wouldn’t if I were you.” You blurted to distract him. “And for your information, I was out with an actual gentlemen.”

“Who?” He took the bait and tilted his head.

“If you’d like to meet him, he’s right behind you.” You smiled a little, gasping for air when he let go of your face.

“What?” As soon as Chuck turned around, his face connected with Arvin’s fist. You couldn’t help but cover your mouth and laugh at the fact he practically walked into the punch, knowing that had to hurt ten times as bad. Chuck hadn’t yet recovered from the first punch when Arvin swung again, knocking him in the nose this time. Chuck covered his bleeding nose with his hand and looked up in time to be kicked in the stomach by Arvin. He fell to the ground and Arvin knelt down beside him, gripping his face the way he had just been gripping yours to make him look at him.

“You think picking on girls is fun? Huh?” Arvin yelled when Chuck didn’t answer the first question. “You think making em fear you makes you less pathetic?”

“Get off of me.” Chuck cried as he tried to roll away. “You’re crazy.”

Arvin grabbed him by the shirt with both fists, lifting him a little off the ground.

“You listen to me.” He growled. “You’re gonna find everyone you told about you and Y/n and tell em you were lying. Tell em you made it up and you’re sorry. You hear me?”

“Yes.” Chuck whimpered. Arvin pulled him up by his shirt and pushed him forward, towards you.

“Now get your ass up and apologize.” Arvin demanded as Chuck stumbled towards you.

“What? I didn’t even get to do anything.” Chuck turned around to complain to Arvin. Arvin raised his eyebrows in amusement before grabbing Chuck by the back of his neck and getting in his face.

“I said apologize.” He bellowed. “You apologize for spreading lies about her, being aggressive with her, calling her a whore, and you damn best apologize for that comment right there. If you know what’s good for you, you won’t make me wait.”

He lifted Chucks head up and forced him to look at you, tightened his grip when he hesitated.

“Ow.” He whined and looked at you. “I’m sorry.”

“For?” Arvin yelled in his ear.

“I’m sorry for calling you a whore.” Chuck apologized.

“And?” Arvin continued.

“And for telling people we did stuff behind the school busses.” Chuck added, flinching ad Arvin leaned in again.

“What else?” He snarled right in his ear.

“And for grabbing you. Honest to God, I’m sorry.” He cried loudly. “I did it. Let me go.”

Arvin let go of his neck and aggressively turned him around to face him as he gripped his shoulders.

“If I ever see you around my sister or my girl again, I’ll kill you. You hear me?” Arvin shouted as he pointed a finger in Chucks face.

“Yes sir. I mean, yes.” Chuck stammered, eyes full of fear.

“Now get out of here.” Arvin shoved him and Chuck went running. Arvin watched him go, not satisfied until he was out of sight. His breathing returned to normal as a sudden flush came over his face, realizing he just lost his temper in front of you. He looked at you timidly, worried you’d be scared by what you had seen. To Arvin’s surprise, you had a dopey smile on your face as you approached him.

“Your girl, huh?” You giggled as you took his hand in yours, examining it for serious injuries. The handkerchief in your pocket made itself useful as you used it to clean his wounds.

“Sorry you had to see that.” He spoke softly as he searched your face for signs of regret. “He won’t be messing with you no more.”

“Don’t be sorry. Nobody ever got their knuckles bloody for me before.” You brought his hand to your lips, kissing his red knuckles as you looked in his eyes.

“I’ll get em as bloody as I have to to keep you safe.” He promised. “You’re my girl now. Nothings gonna hurt you again.”

“I like it when you call me your girl.” You smiled as you slowly intertwined your hands with his, careful of his cuts.

“Well good.” Arvin put his hand on the back of your head and pulled it towards him, giving you a kiss on the forehead. “Cause I like saying it.”

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[slfcare]

I need to tell this to people because it’s kinda freaking scary and also inspirational, but it’s long so only read if you want to, are bored or just curious:

So, when I was fifteen I started writing a story that was basically about myself. At the time I was struggling a lot with my disability and I felt like everyone I talked to about it just didn’t get it, which makes sense because they’re not disabled and they’d never understand to the extent I hoped they would, and I simply didn’t have the words (or the time) to talk to them in depth about how I experienced life. But I also wrote it to understand myself better, because as I took my struggles and my insecurities and wrote them into a reality that I crafted, onto a character that I crafted, I found out what it was that I grew up holding onto, without knowing how to sort of give it away.

I started rewriting it a bit more seriously last year and my sister is currently reading it. It’s prompted her to ask me more questions, and I also think there’s more understanding between us. She likes to read, I write to vent and that way I finally get to explain. Anyway, aside from this story being about me and my issues, it also serves as a way to offer myself new perspectives. I feel like when I go to people asking for advice, I subconsciously already have this idea in my head of what I want them to say to me. And alternatively, I know what’s good for me, but it’s hard translating that into action. So what I do is, I distance myself from it. I put my character into the exact situation I’m so terrified of, and then I navigate it from her pov. As I explain and work through what she’s feeling and what she’s scared of, I also offer her perspectives and possibilities: it may go horribly wrong, or it may go beautifully right. And even when she’s down in the dumps, anything could happen to pull her out. Even if it doesn’t, I know as the author that the story isn’t over yet. Because I’m in control.

Now here’s the scary part: a few weeks ago a situation my character was in, was that she went to this meeting/get-together for students with disabilities at her university. And she spent some time doubting if she’d go, because (like me, surprise surprise) she’s an introvert, and to attend this get-together would not only be confrontational from her pov as a girl with a disability, but also as someone who’d be immersing herself into a situation where she doesn’t know anybody. But for the sake of content and (I won’t lie) spice for my story, I sent her to the meeting. And it wasn’t magically easy, and she still felt uncomfortable, but she did it, and she had that experience so that further into the story I, as the author, could refer to it. And I could refer to the characters she met and bring them back and let her bump into them at the grocery store or in a class or whatever.

But yesterday, I was minding my business, when I got a text from this guy I’ve never spoken to or seen before. He told me he was reaching out to me on behalf of my university’s student association for students with disabilities, and he asked if I’d attend their get-together on Thursday. I spent some time doubting if I’d go, because I thought to myself, I don’t know anybody there and I think it’d be super confrontational to see all these people in wheelchairs, with canes, leg braces or no visible (mobility) aid at all, and I asked my sister about it, and she gave me the weirdest look and went “this is exactly what happened in your story.”

And she was right! I’ve been giving my character these challenges to prove to myself that whatever happens is manageable, and one of these “challenges” is actually happening to me? And I think, as the author of my story but also as the leading actress (main character?) in my life, I owe it to myself to face them head-on. So I can refer to whatever happens later on in my story, and so there’s more spice for in my book (life).

So, dear whoever’s reading this: let this be a sign that subconsciously, you know what’s right for you, and you know what you want to say, and you know that sometimes things happen just for future reference, and that is valid. Find a way to connect with yourself, even if it feels like pulling away from yourself at first, to see the entire picture. You are the author. And that’s a terrifying realization, but I think it’s also a pretty great one.