#if anyones reading this lols this is NOT directed at anyone on here just twitter and the media and i needed to rant

[joonie-beanie]

Hat Guy's ASMR Commissions: S Tier | [Scaramouche/Wanderer x Reader]

Summary: Subject: Your Commission For [Guided Masturbation Audio - 30 minute session] In which your asshole best friends order a commission from your favorite ASMR artist, and it's a lot more NSFW than you were expecting. "From this moment on, you’re going to follow my directions. I’d say “if you fail to, you’ll be punished” but we both know you’re probably just another people pleaser who will do whatever I say, as long as you know it will make me happy. But fair warning–I won’t be happy until you’re so fucked out you can’t speak a coherent word.” Content: Smut, Guided Masturbation, Toy Use, Name Calling, Degradation/Humiliation, fem!reader Word Count: 6.5k Note: this is kind of an untraditional smut, so just keep that in mind lol

“Sweetheart…you really need to find some way to relax.”

“I agree. If you don’t release your tension, it’ll do a number on your health.”

You really appreciate Lisa and Yae being so concerned for you, but…

“I know. It’s just…not that easy for me.”

By now, in theory, you should have figured out some better coping mechanisms and ways to destress, but alas.

Taking a book from the return bin, Lisa scans it, and then places it onto the go-back cart.

“Well, have you tried getting off?”

Her suggestion makes you jerk, your head swiveling as you glance around the library to see if anyone nearby has overheard. At your side, Yae giggles.

“Calm down…finals have just ended. No one is in the library anymore—they’re out partying.”

You sigh. 

You suppose she’s right. The only reason you three are here is because Lisa is working the closing shift, and because Yae had insisted that you come along to the library with her to keep Lisa company.

“Traditional porn, a good adult novel, ASMR—all would be good options,” Lisa continues.

“I’m not really into porn right now, and I don’t think I have the bandwidth to focus on a book,” you say, resting your cheek in your palm. “As for ASMR…I’m not a big fan. I’ve really only discovered one creator that I like…”

“Oh?” 

Now that piques their interest. 

“What’s their name?”

“He goes by “Hat Guy” on twitter,” you tell them. “He mostly just…posts audio responses to dumb takes, or makes ASMR mocking other ASMR trends, but his voice is nice, and he has a small fan base…despite him kind of being a little shit.”

“How cute,” Lisa laughs while Yae pulls out her phone.

“Well, then…since it sounds like he doesn’t have any relaxing content, maybe you should just go home and take a nice bath. Did you ever use that bath bomb I got you for your birthday?”

“No,” you mumble sheepishly. At your side, Yae taps your knee.

“Lisa is right. Go home and have a bath. I’ll keep her company until she’s done.”

You raise your eyebrows in surprise.

“Are you sure…? I just got here like half an hour ago and now you want me to go home?”

“I just think some “you” time would be good,” she tells you with a smile. You pout your lips, but ultimately decide that…maybe she’s right.

“Fine, I’ll head home and rest, then.”

“Good girl,” Yae responds, patting your ass when you bend over to grab your backpack. You narrow your eyes at her, but aren’t truly mad.

“Be careful on your walk home~,” Lisa says as you start towards the exit. You wave at them both over your shoulder, and then leave the building.

A few seconds after your departure, Lisa turns to Yae.

“Alright, what did you find that you didn’t want Y/N to know about?”

Yae grins, loving that Lisa has already caught on.

“Look—”

She gets up from her seat and leans over to show Lisa her phone screen.

“I found Hat Guy’s twitter and saw that he’s accepting commissions, and look at one of the options~”

She points to something, and Lisa’s eyes hurriedly scan the text in front of her. 

When she has finished reading, she grins.

“Oh, my…well, that’s certainly tempting.”

“I was thinking maybe we can give it to Y/N as a… “you survived finals! Use this to relax” type present. Since she’s always doing thoughtful things for us when we’re swamped.”

Lisa smiles, putting a thoughtful finger to her lips.

“I agree. She’s brought us so many cups of tea over the last few months. It’s the least we can do.”

“Good,” Yae says with a nod, immediately clicking on the commission link.

“She deserves a little…fun.”

Between the end of the previous semester, and the start of the new one, your University has generously given you a long weekend. 

4 days, to be exact. 

Most of this long weekend you spend doing the chores you’ve put off, and working a few shifts at your job. 

It’s only by some grace that you end up with Sunday off. One final day to try and relax before classes begin tomorrow…

You do your best to make the most of it—mindlessly scrolling tiktok, folding some clothes, debating if you should order food out, and ultimately deciding against it, since you just went grocery shopping…

All in all, it’s a pretty mundane day.

…at least, until the icon for your email app appears at the top of your phone screen, and you swipe down the notification to see the title:

Subject: Your Commission For [Guided Masturbation Audio - 30 minute session]

Immediately, you freeze.

Surely, this is a spam email that’s somehow made it through the cracks. Because you definitely haven’t ordered such a thing.

Yet, despite your doubts at the validity of the email, you still click on it—wanting to read the contents before banishing it to your spam folder.

Dear Recipient,

Attached to this email is an mp3 file available for you to download. This file was requested and paid for by “Fox and Witch”, and is being sent to you directly at their request.

Please do not distribute this anywhere else on social media, as this is my copyrighted content.

If there is any issue with the quality of the file, please let me know.

Have fun.

-Hat Guy

Note:

Toys Needed = Dildo, Clitoral Vibrator or Wand

…you must have knocked your head on something earlier and are currently hallucinating.

Because there is NO WAY there’s an email from HAT GUY in your inbox. And that said email is for…for…

Well, you remember seeing a link on his profile about commissions, but you’d never clicked on it to see more than that. There’s no chance he’s out here telling people how to get off, though, right…?

With a warm face, you scan the email again. And then a third time.

You can only assume “Fox and Witch” are Yae and Lisa. And you did just tell them that you like Hat Guy’s content…

You bite your lip, staring at the mp3 file. 

There’s just no way…

Hesitantly, you click on it.

“Hmph. You must be really desperate if your friends were willing to pay for a half hour of my time. Most people are satisfied with 10-15 minutes, but no…they knew you’d need longer than that.”

Oh…fuck. 

Something in your tummy flips.

That’s him, alright.

You’ve never heard him talk like that before, but it’s definitely him…you could never mistake that haughty, belittling tone.

Your tongue darts out to wet your lips, your gaze once again finding the title of the email.

Guided Masturbation.

If you’re not wrong, that means if you hit play, and keep listening, it’ll probably be a lot of Hat Guy telling you what to do…how to touch yourself.

Just thinking about such a thing makes more blood rush to your head—embarrassment blooming in your chest.

Sure, the idea of him bossing you around isn’t exactly unappealing. You’re sure he’d be…less than nice, and maybe even a little sadistic, and perhaps call you a few rude names, but—

You groan and place your phone face down on the table beside you.

“Nope, I can’t—I—”

Standing up from your couch, you trudge into your kitchen.

It’s dinner time—you need to make dinner.

You try to keep your thoughts from straying to your temporarily abandoned phone, and the email that’s sitting in your inbox—but it’s literally impossible.

Still, you manage to cook yourself a meal, and even partake in a little alcoholic drink. (Just because you’re treating yourself, and definitely not because you want to ease your nerves a bit.)

Once you’ve finished eating, you clean all your dishes, and then return to the couch. Your gaze strays to your phone, but you don’t pick it up—instead deciding to grab the TV remote.

You make it approximately 25 minutes into a movie before you can’t take it anymore.

Hitting the pause button, you throw the remote on the couch beside you and then snatch up your phone—alighting from the couch.

You grab your headphones on the way to your bedroom, and pop them into your ears only after you’ve gathered your dildo and vibrator.

Maybe this audio won’t be as hot as you’re assuming, and you’ll end up not wanting to touch yourself, but…better to have everything prepared just in case, right?

Taking a deep breath, you hit play.

The track restarts from the beginning. 

“Hmph. You must be really desperate if your friends were willing to pay for a half hour of my time. Most people are satisfied with 10-15 minutes, but no…they knew you’d need longer than that.”

“I also hear you’re quite the little masochist—but I could have assumed that, considering it’s me that you’re soaking your panties over. Just another slut who wants to be bullied, huh.”

You huff at his words, glaring at your phone screen. 

Did Lisa and Yae tell him your kinks or something?? Those bitches.

“Well, you’re in luck, because from this moment on, you’re going to follow my directions. I’d say “if you fail to, you’ll be punished” but we both know you’re probably just another people pleaser who will do whatever I say, as long as you know it will make me happy.”

Dammit, why is he right—

“But fair warning—I won’t be happy until you’re so fucked out you can’t speak a coherent word.”

With a shaking finger, you pause the audio.

You hate to admit it, but his words—the way he’s speaking to you—is already making you wet. 

You really, truly want him to bully you, and use you like a little toy.

So, guess that means you’re doing this.

Throwing any caution and shame to the wind, you hit the play button again. 

“Now…where to begin? I always like to start with an inspection. Take off your clothes, but leave your panties on. I’m not going to bid your needy pussy any attention just yet.”

You obediently do as he says, stripping yourself of your clothing until you’re left only in your panties.

“It’s unfortunate I’m not there to survey those titties in person, so you’ll just have to feel them up for me. Go ahead and grope yourself. Take a minute and massage your chest…I want to see if you’ll get wet from that alone. Although, you’re probably wet already just from my voice, aren’t you, slut?”

You click your tongue at that last part, (hating that he’s right), but nonetheless bring your hands to your chest. 

You cup your titties, and begin squeezing them—feeling the soft flesh beneath your fingers. 

“Good, keep going—squeeze a little harder now. Ah…I bet your nipples want to be touched, huh? Start teasing them, then—just enough to get them hard. I’ll give you 10 seconds—that should be enough.”

For some reason, the challenge of accomplishing a task within a certain time limit makes your pussy throb, and very quickly, you move your pointer fingers over your nipples—rubbing them lightly, and coaxing them to a peak. 

You’re ashamed to admit it, but they manage to get hard in the 10 second pause he gives you…

“Wow, look at that…what greedy titties you have—responding as I say, eager to be played with. Pinch your nipples and roll them between your fingers. Find the motion that feels best, and do it over and over again, until I tell you to stop.”

Resting your breasts in your palms, you pinch your nipples between your fingers—rolling and tugging them. 

Your eyes flutter shut as you touch yourself, each purposeful little tweak of your nipples causing your spine to twitch, and your pussy to clench.

It’s been too long since you’ve touched yourself like this…

By the time Hat Guy’s voice fills your ears once more, your nipples have started to get sore.

“Okay, stop there. I bet your cunt has started quivering, but I hope you know it’ll still be a while before I give you the chance to cum…unless, you somehow managed to orgasm from playing with just your titties? If that’s the case, congratulations! You’re the most needy and pathetic whore I’ve played with. So pathetic that I’ll give you a pass, and won’t even punish you for cumming without permission.”

The thought of being able to cum from nipple play alone makes you feel even more aroused, much to your chagrin—

“Now, let’s inspect that dirty pussy of yours. Spread your legs, and pull your panties down to your knees. I want you to stare at the crotch of your panties and feel ashamed at the wet spot I know is there.”

Taking a deep breath, you hook your fingers around your panties and tug them down your thighs.

As you spread your feet apart, you end up staring at the crotch of your panties—your lips pressing together when you notice there is, indeed, a very noticeable wet spot.

“Next, bend over. As low as you can go, with your legs still apart. I want to see everything.”

Locking your fingers together, you hesitate for a brief second before you bend over—feeling a strain in your leg muscles as you hit the point where you can’t bend anymore.

In this position, you know that you’re on full display.

“Look at you, presenting yourself to me…you really don’t have any shame, do you? If I were there, I’d be grabbing you and forcing you open wider, but since I’m not, you can do it for me! Grab your ass cheeks with both hands, and spread.”

Breathing a little shakily, you do your best to reach behind you and spread yourself. You feel your asshole clench as you do so, and the involuntary action maddens you, considering Hat Guy’s next words are—

“Such a tight little hole…I bet it’s twitching.” 

“Is it nervous, or hoping for an intrusion? Either way, anal is not the objective of today’s session, so let’s move back to your pussy. Go ahead and spread your folds with your hand. You have permission to bend over with your chest to your bed, if you feel your blood rushing to your head from bending down so low. And if you're not by your bed…where the fuck are you listening to this audio? In your car, or a bathroom stall? Pervert.”

That little quip at the end makes you smile, even as you stand up and move yourself to your bed.

You find it a little endearing how he’s bossing you around, but still managing to be somewhat considerate. You suppose maybe there is more to him than just being a brat on the internet.

Anyway—

Reaching one hand back between your legs, you slide your fingers between the folds of your pussy and spread them—opening yourself up as if he were there to inspect you.

“Now, rub your fingers at your entrance—feel how slick you’ve gotten…honestly, you should feel ashamed. Getting so wet for a no-face internet stranger.”

Sure, your panties were a little wet, but that doesn’t mean—

You move your fingers to your entrance—freezing at the amount of sticky arousal you feel. 

You...honestly can’t remember the last time you’ve gotten this wet.

“Smear the slick around your pussy, and make sure to get your clit. That’s where we’re headed next.”

You do as he says, perhaps a smidge overly excited that you now seem to be entering the main course.

As your fingers ghost over your clit, your pussy shudders.

“Bet you just clenched in excitement, huh?”

How does he fucking know—?!

“I'll be nice and will let you use two fingers. Press the pads of your fingers to your clit, and start making circular motions. Slow. 1…2…3…just like that.”

Breathing deep, you begin rubbing your clit with your fingers—repeating his count in your head, and following his pace. 

With each pass of your fingers, your walls squeeze tighter.

“You probably want to rush, or grind your hips on your fingers…but you shouldn't be acting so desperate just yet, so be a good girl and keep going.”

Huffing, you obey his command,

He goes silent for a few beats, really giving you a minute to continue hopelessly teasing yourself. 

By the time he next speaks, a needy exhale is leaving your lips—heady arousal truly being to pool in your lower tummy.

“Now you can go faster. Rub your clit to the beat of your heart. I assume it's racing, so you should be moving your hand a bit faster than before.”

You haven’t really noticed before now, but your heart is certainly beating much faster than normal…

The steady, yet swift thump of your heart is felt throughout your body the more you focus on it, and you quickly adjust your pace. 

A breathy little sigh leaves your lips—your brows pinching together.

You want to cum. 

“I wonder if you're close already, just from your fingers on your clit…haha. If you are, remember—you don't get to cum until I say so. So if you're close to cumming, edge yourself. Get right to the edge of your orgasm, and then stop. I'll give you 10 seconds after that to collect yourself, but then you have to keep going.”

Oh, fuck…

You suppose you should have realized that edging might be part of the equation, especially during a 30 minute session.

And, unfortunately, the thought of edging yourself for him makes you even hornier—pushing you closer to your first climax—or, well, edge.

“I bet you're probably thinking that 10 seconds isn't very long…that when you start again, you'll still be right at the brink of your orgasm, and will have to keep edging over, and over…hah, well…that's your own fault for being so hopeless.”

“Now, I'll let you set the pace. Find the rhythm and motion against your clit that makes you feel the best…you're going to keep that up for 1 minute—and remember, no cumming.”

Dammit—

By now, your lips are fully parted—quick little breaths fanning in front of your face and warming the sheets of your mattress.

You don’t want to edge, you want to cum, but he won’t let you—

“Also, why don't you go ahead and count aloud? I assume you're in private, so it shouldn't be an issue to let out your voice. And if you're not, well…I guess people will get to hear what a debauched whore you are.”

If this were 10 minutes ago, you’d surely blush and hesitate to follow his command.

But now…now you’re a little closer to being the debauched whore he’s calling you.

“I'll count with you so you don't rush it. 60…59…58…57—”

With headphones in, you hear your own voice in your head—mingling with his. 

His, unwavering, with a hint of mockery. Yours…quiet, and struggling to stay on beat.

You clit throbs beneath your fingers, and there’s a familiar flutter of your walls, despite your pussy currently being empty. 

You’re getting close. 

“I can only imagine how sinful you look right now…oh, right. Where was I? Hmm…let's just pick up from 30.”

Motherfucker—

You let your face drop into your sheets, your thighs tightening and knees shaking.

Fuck, you wanna cum. You know you can’t—know it’s not allowed yet, but—!

“5…4…3…2…1. Stop moving your hand.”

Perfect timing. Right at the edge of an orgasm—you pull your hand away.

You take a second to try and catch your breath while ignoring the unfulfilled ache between your legs.

“Your pussy must be throbbing, huh? Lucky for you, as your benevolent master, I’ll let you stuff it full. Grab your dildo and get on your bed on your knees.”

“Also, I assume you're soaked by now, but if not, and you need additional lubrication, use lube.”

You glance behind you at your dresser, where your bottle of lube sits, but ultimately don’t grab it. 

By now, you’re sure you can do without.

Grabbing your dildo, you climb onto your bed, and obediently get on your knees.

“Now, sit up and position the dildo beneath you. Rub the head between your folds, and then settle it at your entrance.”

You do as he says—a shiver of excitement raking up your spine as the tip of your dildo unexpectedly flicks against your clit while you get it into position.

“I'm going to give you 3 seconds to take it fully inside of you…What? I did say we'll be stuffing you full, and with how needy you clearly are, I figured I'm doing you a favor by letting you take it all in!”

Oh. That’s—

“So, I'll count to three. Oh, and if your dildo is too big, and you're scared to sink down onto it all at once, well…that's your own fault for biting off more than you can chew. But, I'm sure that greedy pussy will take anything it can get.”

It will.

“Ready?”

You take a trembling breath.

“3, 2, 1—!”

In one swift motion, you spread your thighs and sink down onto the dildo.

When the head bumps against the deepest part of you, you can’t help but gasp—the sound positively lewd.

“Ahhh…fuck. You made a cute sound, didn't you? How precious…now you're stuffed to the brim with dick, as you should be.”

Yes, this is exactly how you’re meant to feel…just a little slut who will do anything to cum for him.

Yet, despite his harsh instructions, he seems to pause for a second, giving you a chance to acclimate to the intrusion.

How cute.

“Why don't we start slow…I want you to lift your hips until just the tip of the dildo is inside of you, and then grind back down on it. Up…and down…up—”

To aid in the motion, you place your hands flat on the mattress in front of you, and then begin moving your hips.

Up…and down…

Your walls clench around the dildo, practically begging for more, but the man currently using you as his personal toy clearly isn’t inclined to give you such a thing.

At least, not immediately.

If you had to guess, he makes you continue at this slow, teasing pace for at least 2 minutes—your muscles beginning to strain as you resist going any faster.

Then, his voice fills your ears once again. You nearly sigh with relief.

“I hope your thighs aren't burning yet, because now we're going to pick up the pace. Imagine the gallop of a horse's hooves. I want you to grind on each downbeat. No need to make big motions—just grind on your dildo how you'd grind your pussy on my cock if I was there.”

If he were here, you’d wanna grind on his dick until he’s moaning louder than you are—

“Fuck…”

Fingers curling into the sheets, you find your new rhythm—the sound of your wet pussy beginning to fill the quiet room outside your headphones.

Sweat starts to bead on your brow—the arousal inside of you searing hotter, and your muscles getting tighter.

“I wonder if you can cum from internal stimulation alone…try to find your g-spot if you haven't already. I want you to bully it with your dildo.”

You can practically hear the grin in his words. 

Repositioning yourself, you find the angle that better allows you to rub that sensitive little spot inside you.

Almost immediately, a whine rips from your throat.

“Now…I'm going to issue you a challenge. I'll count down from 60 seconds again. During that 60 seconds, you're free to cum. So try your best, okay, slut?”

Please, you want to cum, but you don’t know if 60 seconds will be enough—

“60…59…58…”

Dammit—

With his challenge invigorating you, you continue messily grinding your hips.

Each pass of your dildo against your g-spot causes your pussy to shiver, and your thighs to shake—your orgasm creeping closer.

“33…32…31…”

A desperate sound slips past your lips, your eyebrows knitting together.

You want to cum.

You want to cum.

You want to cum, but—

You drop down onto your dildo roughly, almost in a pouting manner.

You need more time.

As soon as your climax finally begins to build—your walls clenching down on your dildo—Hat Guy reaches the end of his countdown.

“3…2…1…so…did you cum? Either way, I'm sure your legs are shaking. I wouldn't doubt that your sheets are getting soiled by your arousal, either.”

“Well, whether you came or not, don't worry—there's still more opportunities to orgasm yet to come! That being said, set your dildo to the side, and grab your vibrator instead.”

Exhaling, you manage to lift up your hips, and your dildo slips out of you. 

It flops onto your sheets, glistening with your arousal.

Your pussy mourns the loss.

Setting your dildo to the side, you grab your vibrator instead.

“You can go ahead and lay on your back. I'll give your knees a break…isn't that nice of me? You should say “thank you”.”

You clench your jaw as you roll onto your back, your eyes squinting at the ceiling.

There’s no way he’s serious, right? Counting is one thing, but thanking someone who isn’t here?

“Huh? Did you think that was just a suggestion? Go on.”

You wet your lips with your tongue.

“...thank you.”

There’s a brief second of silence, and then—

“...pfft, hahaha! If you actually did just say it aloud, you're more of an obedient people pleaser than I thought. What a precious little cock-sleeve.”

You want to punch him—

“Anyway, I haven't let you cum from your clit yet. I bet by now it's engorged and begging for attention…go ahead and put your vibrator on your clit. Turn it on low.”

The fact that even just touching your clit causes you to jolt proves that his words are correct.

Hitting the power button, you turn your vibrator on a low setting, and almost instantly—the orgasm that had started to fade away flares back to life.

“Good…I'll let you keep it there for a little while. Actually…I'm gonna go get some water. God knows how upset you'd be if my voice suddenly gave out and I couldn't give you permission to cum—”

You hear the sound of a chair being alighted from, and footsteps padding away from the mic.

“This little motherfucker—,” you pant, your chest heaving. 

You gently rub your vibrator around your clit—hoping that doing so will help you delay the orgasm that’s building—but it’s impossible to avoid.

After another minute, you can’t put it off any longer.

Your body tenses, your pussy tightening, and—

You tear the vibrator away from your clit.

If he were here, you think you’d honestly start to beg him for mercy. Of course, you’re sure he’d say that’s practically your first true edge, and you’re just being a little baby, but still.

You start the countdown from 10 in your head, and once it’s done, put your vibrator back on your clit.

Your entire body jolts as the pleasure that had been denied snaps back to attention.

You’re gonna have to edge again—

“How are you holding out? Did you edge at all—just from the vibrator being on low? At the very least, I bet you're squirming and panting.”

“Now, listen closely. I'm going to make you an offer.”

If his offer involves you cumming, you’ll do whatever it takes.

“I'm going to let you cum with the vibrator still on low—assuming you can. This time I'll be generous and will give you 90 seconds, even. But here's the catch. At the end of this session, you will be cumming. So if your begging cunt blots out any logic in your brain, and you decide to cum now, and then feel it's “too much” later, well. That'll be your own fault. Even if you're overstimulated, you'll be cumming again, so choose wisely.”

“Either way, you need to keep the vibrator on your clit for another 90 seconds. You just need to decide if you're cumming or edging. Get ready. To spice it up, this time I'm not counting aloud—I'll just tell you when to stop. So if you're planning on cumming, try not to waste any time. Because if I say stop and you're right there, I doubt you’ll be very happy. Now, begin.”

Risking an overstimulated orgasm after this is a dangerous game, but—

You press the vibrator harder against your clit. 

You need to cum—you don’t care about anything else right now.

Your free hand grabs at your breast—your toes curling, and your heart racing.

Your back arches off the bed, a symphony of miniscule whines and gasps falling from your lips.

Then, the tension inside of you reaches its limit, and snaps.

Your voice catches in your throat—your body spasming as waves of pleasure rock you.

You keep the vibrator on your clit to draw them out as long as you can, but after a few long beats, Hat Guy’s voice fills your ears once again. 

“Stop—that's time. So…did you cum? I wish I could see the state of you…I bet you're starting to look all fucked out. We're already at the 20 minute mark, after all.”

You can’t believe it’s already been 20 minutes. Yet, at the same time, can’t believe you’re not already closer to the end.

“Now, I did say you'd be cumming again, so why don't you go ahead and put your vibe on high? Let's try and force it out of you.”

It’s fine…it’s totally fine. 

Turning your vibrator on high will be totally fine.

You move the toy back to your clit and push the button until the vibrations are much more intense than before.

Almost immediately, heat rushes through your body—stemming from the still recovering nerve ending on your clit.

You’re over-sensitive. Fuck.

And yet…your pussy still flutters—your muscles tensing once again as another orgasm begins to build.

“Ahh, I bet you're squirming like a pathetic little worm. Is it too much? Do you want to beg me to let you stop?”

“Your toes are curling, aren't they? I wish I could hear you and see you panting like a bitch in heat. Should I throw you a bone? Would that satisfy that sad cunt of yours?”

You are writhing, and panting, and every other filthy thing he’s pegged you as. But—you don’t want to stop. You’re too far in now—your whole body shaking, and your breaths coming quick as the vibrator on your clit overwhelms you.

It’s overwhelming, but you can’t stop chasing that high. You—

“Actually…that's not a bad idea. Stop—now.”

Despite not wanting to, you immediately yank the toy away.

You hear yourself whining, unable to help it.

“Hopefully you didn't cum in the last 30 seconds. If so…whoops~”

You wish you could kick him.

“This final orgasm is going to be our grand finale, so we should really let the sparks fly. And maybe your juices, depending on how hard you cum.”

“Grab your dildo—shove it in.”

You scramble to grab it—your arm darting to the side to recover the dildo you’d discarded a short while ago. 

As soon as you have it, you spread your legs and press the head at your entrance—stuffing it in without any preamble.

A pleasant sigh leaves you as that full feeling returns.

“You're going to fuck yourself with it—however fast or slow, I don't care. And at the same time, turn your vibrator back on high.”

You can tell where this is going, and you honestly think it may kill you, but you follow his instructions nonetheless.

Turning the vibrator on high, you place it back on your clit and then begin fucking yourself with the dildo. 

Almost immediately, involuntary sounds slip out of you—your body writhing against the sheets.

The overwhelming strength of your vibrator on your clit now partnered with the messy rubbing of your dildo between your walls…you’re truly becoming the mess he promised to make you.

“Oh, and just so things don't end too soon, you need to hold out for at least one minute. I'll let you know once you have permission to cum.”

You hardly think it’s fair that he’s saying this now, considering you’ve already started fucking yourself, but even so, you want to listen—want to be a good girl who does what he says, and only cums when permitted.

Holding out for a whole minute when your cunt is already starting to spasm—your clit feeling like it’s on fire—is certainly going to be a challenge, though.

“You know…I bet if this were a live call, I'd be able to hear how wet your pussy is. You're probably gripping onto that dildo so tightly…as if it's a real cock that you're begging to properly breed you.”

If he were here you wonder how he’d fuck you. Certainly hard enough that you’d be able to hear the slap of his balls against your pussy—

“You must be panting, huh? So ready to cum…I wonder if you’d be obedient enough to cum when I say. Why don’t we try? We’re getting close to a minute, after all.”

Oh, fuck. 

You’ve never cum on command before, but you want to for him.

“C’mon, princess, I know you can do it…keep going…get yourself right there—”

Your chest shudders, and tears blot your eyes.

You’re trying. Everything feels so hot. 

The arousal in your tummy swells—tightening up, and searing your insides.

“Cum.”

A sob rips from your chest, and you grind your dildo against your g-spot one final time, before your body obeys, and releases.

With the vibrator on high, this orgasm is much more intense than the last. 

Your breath catches, your spine curving, and your hand releases the dildo in favor of grabbing onto your sheets for dear life.

Despite the clamping of your pussy around the silicone cock, it still manages to slip out of you after a few seconds—flopping onto your mattress, and poking wetly against your ass.

When the pleasure on your clit starts to turn to pain—you finally tear the vibrator away. You turn it off, and weakly discard it onto the bed beside you.

Despite no longer having any toys in or on you, your cunt and clit continue to twitch with aftershocks.

You take a deep breath. 

Hat Guy is still talking in your ears, but your brain is too scrambled to process what he’s saying. So, you just continue to lay there until his words sound more like words again.

“Alright, you must have cum by now. Take a minute to breathe. And when you’re done catching your breath, make sure you get up and go pee, and then get some water. Because I’m not about to be liable for any after-effects of this session.”

Despite being exhausted, you can’t help but quietly laugh.

“Good job making it through. I’m sure we’ll meet again soon…mostly because I’m sure you’ll be opening this file again to get off to, haha.”

“Later~”

The audio ends.

You lay there, staring at the ceiling.

Then, you roll onto your side, slowly get up, and head for the bathroom.

Can’t let Hat Guy be liable for you, after all.

The following morning, you wake up with sore muscles, and a determination to go and beat up Yae Miko and Lisa Minci about their “gift”.

Yeah, maybe you are a little less tense than before, and the stress that had been clinging to you after the end of the previous semester is now gone, but still. They deserve a good scolding.

First, however, you have to go to your 9AM lecture. After that, you’ll have time to run to the library.

Despite the soreness in your thighs, you manage to trek across campus and make it to your class with time to spare. You chose a seat somewhere in the middle, and then set your bag down in the chair beside you.

With nothing to work on yet, considering today’s the first day, you entertain yourself with social media apps on your phone as the lecture hall slowly continues filling up.

When there’s only a minute left before the class is set to start, there’s a tap on your shoulder.

Startled, realizing they’ve probably been trying to get your attention, you immediately take out one of your headphones. Before you can even turn to face them and apologize, they’re talking.

Except…the voice of the person beside you is…eerily familiar. Scratchy, attractive, and perhaps a little annoyed—

“Do you mind moving your bag? There aren’t very many seats left.”

Without saying a word, too stunned to speak, you reach over and move your bag to the floor at your feet. The man grunts, and takes a seat beside you.

As he pulls out his laptop, you finally build up the courage to look at him. 

Dark hair and eyes to match…slim fingers, but veiny hands…a black shirt and oversized jacket—

“Do you need something?”

Oh, fuck—you’ve been openly staring.

Your eyes meet his for the first time, and you open your mouth, but no words come out. The beat of your heart starts to get faster.

He cocks an unimpressed eyebrow at you.

“What? Cat got your tongue?”

This is just too much—there’s no fucking way this is happening—

Unfortunately, before you can finally pull it together and try to redeem yourself, your professor takes the podium at the head of the room.

“Class! Welcome! While it might be a little unconventional to start the semester out on this note, I just want you all to know in advance: this class will heavily rely on cooperation with others. There will be many team projects. In fact—the person you’re sharing a table with will be your project partner for the whole semester!”

…what.

Beside you, the man sighs—clearly unhappy to hear about there being group projects, or you being his partner, or both.

“Great, looks like we’re stuck together.”

“Yep…,” you mumble in response, the first word you’ve managed to speak since his arrival.

He obviously notices, because his lips pull into a teasing little grin, his eyes remaining trained on your still-speaking professor as he whisper—

“Oh, would you look at that? She speaks.”

Your pussy clenches.

Mhmm, yep! 

You’re gonna go jump off a bridge.

[baby-yongbok]

OK I saw an anon asking for another hyunjin fic bc of the vmas (tbfh same) and have an idea for another vmas hyunjin fic (if you’re up for it) hear me out:

apparently people were freaking out the other day bc there was this video going around of Sabrina carpenter waving at hyunjin when it turned OUT she was actually waving to Dixie damelio bc they’re friends…what if y/n saw that and thought she was waving at hyunjin too and got super jealous? I know I would even though I love Sabrina lol. so she starts giving hyunjin the cold shoulder and answering in one word responses etc and he’s confused so she says something like “why don’t you ask your new girlfriend” and he thinks it’s cute that she’s jealous and reveals Sabrina was waving to Dixie not him. And even if she did wave to him, he’s 10000% in love with you and absolutely does not want anyone else. Then after their performance and skz is backstage he pulls you into a closet/private room, locks the door and proves to you just how much he wants/worships you and no one else, in his sweaty state 😫 something like that? I haven’t been able to stop thinking about vmas hyunjin either and who can blame me

ps I’ve written to you before and idk if you take emojis for anons but if so can I be 🪽 anon? I love your writing sm and I know I’ll be back! I wanna be friends but I’m a lil shy lol… 🙂

I DID IT. IM SO SORRY FOR THE WAIT, DON'T HATE ME. 😭 Here you go, my love ❣️🪽

Let Me Show You

Hyunjin × Fem!Reader

Genre: Smut

Word Count: 3,442

Warnings: Semi-public sex?, Cum tasting (That should be it ❣️)

✨️Masterlist✨️ ✨️My First VMA Fic✨️

Surely you were seeing things right? You had to be seeing things. Maybe it was the stage lights or the adrenaline from the boys' win getting to you but you swear that the very beautiful and very talented Sabrina Carpenter just tried to shoot her shot at your equally as beautiful and talented boyfriend. Maybe it was harmless, Sabrina is a K-pop fan so maybe she was just trying to grab his attention and give him a friendly thumbs up or something.

You check your phone while you make your way backstage to meet the boys, of course they’re trending on every app that you have but a particular twitter post catches your eye. You stop in the middle of the very busy backstage hallway as you read the video caption for the third time, ‘Are Sabrina Carpenter and Hyunjin flirting?!’. You click on the video quickly, bringing the phone closer to your face as if you could zoom in on the interaction. It’s right there, it’s in very poor quality but it’s there nonetheless. Hyunjin definitely gave Sabrina a look and according to the video he did it more than once. You can feel your stomach turn as an emotion runs over you but you can’t figure out if it’s anger or jealousy, maybe it’s both? You take a deep breath and start walking again, you stuff your phone into your purse and shake your head a bit to try and get your thoughts together. This is a big night for the boys and you don’t want to ruin it for them by having an attitude but you also don’t know how to deal with this cocktail of emotion bubbling in your veins.

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

“Baby, can you help me put this on?” Hyunjin holds his necklace out in your direction and you take it from him quietly. He furrows his brows a bit before turning around and allowing you to put the jewelry on him. He noticed your shift in attitude since they got their award but he thought that maybe you were just overwhelmed. He watched you as they got ready for their stage, you laughed with everyone and were talking to staff casually but when it came to him you were silent and short spoken. He instantly started replaying the last hour or so in his head. What could he have done to upset you?

“Thank you.” He turns to you and leans in to kiss your cheek but you pull back slightly, looking in the opposite direction. “Angel, is everything alright?”

“Yup.” Your eyes look everywhere but at him, even when he moves to your side to sit next to you.

“Are you sure? You’ve been quiet, did I do something to upset you?” He places his hand on your knee and you promptly cross your legs to get him to move his hand. You shrug your shoulders in response. Your gaze falls on Felix as he takes pictures of everyone in their finished looks. “Baby, come on.”

“Don’t you have someone else to talk to?” You huff, an over exaggerated sigh following your statement.

“Hm? What do you mean?” Hyunjins brows knit together as he racks his brain trying to understand what you’re referring to. 

“Why don’t you ask Sabrina? You seem pretty interested in her.” You roll your eyes and Hyunjin raises his eyebrows at your sharp remark. Felix had shown him a couple of the trending tweets along with the video of Sabrina waving in his direction, they laughed about it and Hyunjin told the guys that she definitely wasn’t waving at him and if she was he didn’t even notice her. 

“Ah, you saw that video?” You shift in your seat scoffing at his question. A small smile pulls at his lips as he watches you, you don’t get jealous often but gosh was it hot. Something about you giving him the cold shoulder turned Hyunjin on, maybe it was the way you rolled your eyes at him and how sassy you were everytime he tried to touch you. Whatever it was, he was enjoying it. 

“Everyone saw the video, so yeah.” You bite back, glancing at him for only a second before looking back over towards the rest of the boys.

“Baby, she wasn’t waving at me and even if she was I didn’t notice her. I was looking at the Stays that were seated in that direction.” Your heart starts to hammer in your chest as his words sink in. You can feel a blush spreading over your cheeks and a tinge of embarrassment in your core. He had pointed out the row of Stays in that direction earlier in the night but in the heat of the moment you completely forgot about it. 

“Why would I look at her when I have the most stunning woman in the world here with me tonight, hm?” He snakes his arm over your shoulder and pulls you into a side hug. “Is my jealous girl blushing?” 

You hide your face in his chest, trying to avoid his gaze. How embarrassing is this? Looks like you got jealous for nothing.

“Look at me, angel.” Hyunjin tries his best to gently pry you away from him but he’s interrupted by Chan calling everyone to get ready to go over to the stage. You look up, only because you know he has to go but his fingers catch your chin before you can look away again. Your shy gaze meets his and he smiles down at you, but it’s not a regular smile. It’s the type that he uses when he’s up to something. He plants a quick kiss on your lips before standing and holding his hand out to you. 

“Come, you can watch on the backstage monitor.” You take his hand reluctantly, an apologetic smile on your face. He shakes his head, chuckling a bit. 

“My possessive baby.”

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

The boys absolutely killed their set but that was to be expected. You heard loud clapping and cheering as they made their way from the stage, a mixture of praises both towards the boys and the dancers. You join the busy crowd, clapping and looking through the sea of people for Hyunjin. Suddenly, you feel large hands on your waist and you turn around to see your boyfriend looking down at you with a grin. He’s sweaty and his breathing still hasn’t calmed down completely, He’s discarded the vest that he had on during the performance leaving him in only his black tank top. You open your mouth to congratulate him but he puts a finger over his lips, hushing you before taking your hand and pulling you with him. He makes his way in the opposite direction of the boys, towards the quieter part of the venue. You recognize the hallway from when the boys took pictures earlier, Hyunjin leads you into a small cut off hallway where some extra supplies seem to be stored. He closes the door behind you, placing a piece of paper over the latch so that you two don’t get locked in. He turns to you and you look up at him with confusion woven in your features. 

“What are we doing here?” You look around thinking that maybe you missed something.

“You know that you mean the world to me, right?” Your heart starts hammering in your chest again, your grip on your clutch purse growing tighter as embarrassment washes over you again. 

“I know, I’m sorry I should’ve asked you instead of drawing conclusions.” 

“Don’t apologize, you were being protective of what’s yours.” Hyunjin takes a couple of steps towards you, one hand sliding into the pocket of his brown designer pants.

“You know that I’m yours, right?” Your mouth goes dry when you take in his deepened tone, what exactly did he bring you here to do? You press your thighs together, shifting your weight from one foot to the other. Your black form fitting dress rides up a bit from movement. “Answer me, angel.”

“Yes, I know you’re mine.” You clear your throat, trying not to show how much his words are affecting you.

“I only want you, you’re the only woman I ever think about, the only woman I ever look at.” He steps closer, reaching up to cup your cheek. You close your eyes and lean into his hand. His fingers brush against your lips. “Do you believe me?”

You shake your head, opening your eyes to meet his. He smiles at you before leaning down and pressing his lips to yours. You kiss him back, melting into him. Your arms find a home around his neck as he deepens the kiss, his tongue parts your lips, slipping into your mouth and stealing a taste of you. You moan into his mouth and he smiles against your lips. He pushes you back gently, prompting you to take a step back. He leads you backwards until your back hits the wall, you gasp, breaking the kiss and Hyunjin takes it as an opportunity to trail soft kisses over your jaw and down your neck.

“Hyunjin…we can’t do this here.” Your words are anything but convincing and you know for a fact that you don’t mean them. After the rush of jealousy that you felt earlier topped off with the breathtaking performance that he just put on with the boys’ you know that your body is more than ready for him.

“Let me show just how much I love you.” He plants a wet kiss right below your ear before whispering. “I want you to feel how much I want you, only you.” 

Hyunjin presses himself against you and you moan at the feeling of his hard dick straining against his pants. “Only you do that to me.”

“Hyunjin.” His name leaves your lips in a breathy moan, you can’t think of anything else to possibly say. He’s completely fogged your mind.

He starts leaving sloppy open mouth kisses on your neck, rough yet slow actions of affection. His hands trace up your sides, lightly scratching at the fabric of your Versace cocktail dress, dragging the fabric up your soft skin and exposing your plush thighs.You trail your free hand down his arm, moving to palm him through his pants but one of his hands swiftly grabs your wrist, pinning your arm to the wall behind you. 

“This is about you, baby. Only you.” He whispers against your skin before his lips make their way down to your chest, sucking and biting at your skin leaving red marks in his wake. His other hand grips at your waist, pulling you towards him and making you arch your back off of the wall.

 “I’m all yours baby.” He slides down onto his knees. Sitting in front of you, his large hands trailing down the soft skin of your legs. He looks up at you, his sparkling eyes surrendering to you. “I would never worship another woman like this in my life.” 

He leans forward, pressing soft kisses to the outside of your thigh and making his way to the sensitive skin leading to your core. You spread your legs a bit to give him better access and he groans at the gesture. His hands snake up under your dress, he hooks his thumbs into the thin straps of your thong and leads the garment down your legs. You step out of them, and Hyunjin wastes no time bringing them up to his nose and taking a deep inhale. 

“Fuck, I love the smell of you.” His words are breathy yet stable, he stuffs your thong into his pocket, a treasure for him to remember this moment by. He peers up into your attentive yet fucked out gaze, watching you as he sneaks the pad of his pointer finger up to caress your soaked folds. You jump at the contact, a deep moan leaving your throat, you hadn’t realized how much you needed his touch until now. You relax as he runs his finger up and down your heat, circling your clit and teasing your entrance a bit. Your hips buck against his hand, silently begging him to stretch you. Small whimpers fall from your parted lips as you keep your eyes on his.

“You sound so beautiful, angel. You’re so fucking perfect.” He pushes his finger into you slowly, curling it upward to caress your g-spot. You bring your hand up to your mouth in an attempt to drown out your moans. Hyunjin shakes his head, fucking his finger into you a bit faster. “Let them hear you, I don’t care who it is, Let them hear what I do to you.”

“Hyun- Fuck” He adds another finger, scissoring them inside of you to stretch you out. “Oh my god, that's so good.”

“Only the best for you, this is only for you.” He leans up on his knees, sticking his tongue out and licking up the wetness dripping down your inner thigh. His tongue works its way over to your cunt, flicking your clit at a delicious pace that makes your back arch off of the wall further. He hums against you as you buck your hips, fucking yourself on his fingers and tongue. You feel yourself getting closer and closer to the edge, your body trembling as you beg him to keep going. He keeps up the pace, his tongue never stopping until you're finally pushed over the edge. You cry out in bliss as you cum hard, your body trembling with pleasure. He laps up every bit of your arousal that he can catch, leaving light kisses on your swollen clit as he allows you to come down from your high just a bit. 

“You taste like heaven” Hyunjin groans as he pulls away from you, licking his lips to clean up the mess you made. Your mind is clouded with lust, the jealousy from earlier nearly forgotten. The only thing on your mind now is how badly you want the man in front of you. How badly you need him inside of you. 

“I can feel like heaven for you too.”

“This is about you, angel.”

“Then fuck me, please. If this is about me then make me forget about that stupid tweet. You’d do anything to please me right?” Hyunjin, stands from his position in front of you. Your eyes stay locked on his dark ones as he towers over you. 

“I’d do anything to please you.” His words are soft and strong, he leans into you, catching your lips in a sweet kiss. You can taste yourself on his tongue as the kiss deepens, the gentle nature that Hyunjin held seconds ago melting away into a frenzied lust. 

“You drive me insane.” He whispers against your lips and you moan into his mouth. Your hands run down his clothed chest, taking in his firm core and his shirt damp with sweat. You run your hand over his hard cock, palming and stroking him. A pornographic moan erupts from his throat, he breaks the kiss and his jaw hangs open in bliss. You look up at him, watching as he bites his lip with his eyes shut tight, concentrating on the way your fingers move against him. 

“I want you to fuck me like she’s watching.” Hyunjin groans deeply, furrowing his brows at your words. “Show her that you’re taken.”

Your words flipped a switch in Hyunjins head, he grabs your hip, turning you around and swiftly pulling your dress up to expose your bare ass. He lands a firm smack on both of your ass cheeks, the sound echoing throughout the room.

“I’ll show her.” He presses his clothed bulge against you and you can feel him unbuttoning his pants with one hand. “I’ll show her who I belong to.”

He runs his hands over your bare skin, his touch gentle yet possessive. He leans in and whispers in your ear “I’ll let everyone know I’m yours.”

You gasp as you feel his cock part your dripping folds, stretching you out deliciously. He pushes in slowly, allowing you a bit of time to adjust to him. Your moans fill the air as he slides into you, once he bottoms out he leans forward, pressing you into the wall so that you’re flush against him.

“I’m yours” He moans as he starts to move, his hips pushing against yours in a rhythm that intensifies with each thrust. The sound of skin slapping echoes through the hallway but is easily drowned out by your shared moans. Your head falls back against Hyunjin’s chest giving him the perfect view of your fucked out expression. He leans down, leaving soft kisses on your forehead, a sweet contrast to the rough thrust of his hips. 

“You’re mine.” Your words make Hyunjin’s hips stutter, pushing into you deeper, he bites his lip as he takes it all in. The way you’re clenching around him, your moans mixing with his, the way the head of his cock hits your sweet spot. It all drives him closer to the edge. 

“You were right.” His thrusts become faster and harder and you squeeze around him as you draw closer to your release, meeting his rhythm with pleasure. “You do feel like heaven.” 

His fingers dig into the soft flesh of your hips as he comes undone, his moans mingle with yours as he fills you. The feeling of his hot release throws you over the edge, you fall apart seconds after him, his name falls from your lips like a chant as your pleasure washes over you. You both still, his dick stays deep inside of you as you both try to catch your breath.

“Thank you.” Hyunjin hums in response, soft pants falling from his lips.

“For what?” 

“For showing me that you’re mine, this might’ve been the best type of reassurance ever.” You chuckle and he follows, a wide smile spreading across his face.

“I’m glad that you enjoyed yourself. But, please remember that I mean this, there’s never anyone on my mind but you. You’re all I think about.” His sweet words send a shiver down your spine and you can’t help but to clench around him. 

“Oh fuck.” Hyunjin groans with a chuckle and you can’t help but to smile. “I need to pull out, I don’t think I’ll be able to control myself if you do that again.”

He slides out of you slowly, whines escape both of you from the sensitivity of the action. He tucks himself back into his pants and you turn around to face him, still leaning on the wall for support. 

“How am I supposed to go back out there with your cum dripping out of me?” You look down at the mixed arousal running down your leg and Hyunjin smiles at you. 

“Here.” You watch him as he kneels before you, dipping his tongue out and licking the stream of cum running down your leg. A groan falls from your lips as you watch him taste your mixed arousals. He trails his tongue up your leg, collecting all of the juices that drip from you until he reaches your swollen cunt. He runs his tongue over the sensitive flesh and you shiver in response, your head falling back against the wall and a moan escaping you. 

“Baby, I’m so sensitive.” Hyunjin hums in response and the feeling of the sound vibrating through you makes you clench around nothing. He dips his tongue into your hole, lapping up most of your arousal and cleaning your cunt to perfection. Once he’s satisfied he pulls away and stands, wiping his chin clean and smiling at you. He gives you a moment to recover before taking your chin between his fingers and tilting your head up to meet his gaze. 

“Next time that you get jealous just remember that you and I are made for each other. We’re perfect together.” You smile up at him and he leans forward kissing you with wet lips. He parts your lips with his tongue and gently runs his over yours. The taste of your mixed arousals flood your mouth and you relish the flavor. He breaks the kiss just as you move to deepen it, a slight whine falling from your lips. He grins down at you before running his thumb over your swollen bottom lip

“See? Don’t we taste good together? I only want you to mix with me, no one else, okay?” You nod your head, a sweet fucked out smile pulling at your lips. “I love you, angel”

“I love you too, baby.”

[captainlexapro]

Tkachuky Derby & Hughesapalooza - 2024

*click for better detail- apologies for the lighting and general quality of the pics 😓!!*

acrylic on paper

please don't steal or repost 💚

inspired by this tweet specifically (plus credit to the earliest twitter mentions i could find):

Made these for my fellow brothers bowls enthusiasts!! Especially those who know it’s all about the intricate webs of familial narratives in athletics. and the concepts of destiny and talent. and brothers as both allies and adversaries. and the bonds between siblings. and…

links to inspo, reference images, and other thoughts below the cut!

THEY'RE DONEEEEEE!! 😭🙌 i spent probably 2-3 full days' worth of time from concept sketches to final products. so much paint. so much frustration. they're still not perfect - there's little issues on both (if you notice something, i promise i'm aware of it!!) but 'fixing' stuff in acrylic often leads down a rabbit hole and i just had to call it and be done.

there's intentional little details on both - let me know what you catch! hopefully you can see them okay 😅

*i know they play each other more than once per season but i only wanted to make these for their first '24-'25 meetings)*

Let's get some whimsy up in here now, boys!

Derby:

team colors - Panthers Senators

matthew reference

brady reference

Kentucky Derby posters inspo

I wanted to keep the derby poster more 'clean' graphically. lots of derby posters have sharp lines of color and lots of movement, so i knew i wanted large swaths of the team colors somehow (thanks to the ppl that voted on my poll for what the team color shaping should be! i did follow the winning choice lol) chose poses where they look like they are moving in the direction of the 'flow.' generally wanted to keep focus on the idea of matthew vs brady, so i have them 'looking' across the way. was originally going to put in outlines of skylines for cities relevant to them, but that proved to be way too big of an undertaking so i scrapped that idea and came up with some different references. put some detailing for each of them that i'm reallyyyyy hoping you can see when you like zoom into it, but here’s some closer pics:

their last name is ukrainian for weaver, so i wanted to put a little nod to that somehow. not sure it will translate/be clear to viewers, but i limited myself by making the poster so damn small...*I* know they're there and can see them lol if it's not clear to ppl i will come back here and explicitly say what they are lol

Palooza:

team colors - Devils Canucks

luke reference

jack reference

quinn reference

Music posters inspo

inspired by lolla/music posters. wanted a more 'fun' vibe overall. while the derby poster would be more for say like, putting on a wall or hypothetically used for marketing purposes, palooza was more marketing poster and maybe on a t-shirt, too. definitely wanted a calligraphy type font for the name - just felt it out and came up with that shaping. tried to reference lolla a bit. used the devils and canucks coloring - and combo of those (did you notice?) - for the palette. wanted it to be a bit more pop graphic-ish (and hopefully not too cartoony). used some hockey/venue shapes and references, as well as some little hugheses-specific easter eggs...fun fact: the reference pic i used for jack is the EXACT SAME as his nhl25 cover. they just edited it to have the devils' home jersey colors. (i was like wait a second....i know that pose. bc i've been staring at it trying to paint it for hours!!!)

some pics of the palettes and initial sketches:

If anyone has fun nicknames for other nhl brothers bowls, i’d be open to making more posters! Lmk!

If u read all this just know i love u and hope you have a good day 🫶

[ducktracy]

the first clip for "the day the earth blew up" was posted on twitter. can you spare us your thoughts?

@aadrawings: So uh how about that new Looney movie clip?

I MOST CERTAINLY CAN SPARE MY THOUGHTS! TWIST MY ARM! first, i'll link it here in case anyone hasn't seen it:

FIRST (and most obvious) THING'S FIRST: I'M SOOOOOOOOO EXCITED UUUUUUUUUUUUUGHHH!!! the film JUST started premiering in Annecy as we speak and my heart is literally pounding MY FINGERS LITERALLY SHAKING. so i apologize if this turns into a discombobulated mess i'm so so so excited and trying to keep an eagle eye out for any and all details. BUT ANYHOO

IT LOOKS GREAT!!! this is a fully rendered clip of the roughs that were uploaded back in September of 2022, so i'm already pretty familiar with this since i gushed over it to hell and back then, too. i had a few teeny tiny neurotic nitpicks that i would not take too seriously--honestly me nitpicking anything modern LT is a good sign because it means i'm ENGAGED and actively thinking and engaging with the material. there are a lot of modern LT adaptations i cannot say the same for. so it's all out of a labor of love and i also realize that most of these nitpicks are very.. you guys know my level of fanaticism. don't take it too seriously. my standards for this series AND THESE TWO KNUCKLEHEADS IN PARTICULAR who are my favorite characters of all time are so high that even the classics don't meet those expectations half the time. we all know i'm insane. BUT ENOUGH BLUFFING

my biggest critique is that it's going to take me quite a bit to get used to Eric Bauza's Porky. i LOVE Bauza, he is such a sweet guy (he sang me happy birthday as Daffy Duck and i almost exploded) and so talented and it's been really great seeing him rise up the ranks. i used to only know him as "the guy who voiced Stimpy in APC" and so i'm VERY glad to see he's gone on to greener pastures LOL.

but, with that said, the first time i saw these roughs i actually thought Porky's lines were scratch audio. there isn't enough stuttering--it's important for me to note that people give Porky's stutter WAY too much prevalence, in terms of how he sounds and just characterization as a whole. a stutter is not a personality. BUT, in the clips above, he doesn't really sound like Porky unless he's stuttering. it moreso sounds like Daffy talking to himself. Mel Blanc had Porky speak (and even sing!) in full sentences all the time, but it's never noticeable unless pointed out because Porky still sounded like Porky and Blanc knew how to make his personality come out in his voice beyond the vocal fluff of a stutter.

part of it is because i'm so used to Bob Bergen. and, even THEN, if i watch too much LTC or Duck Dodgers in one sitting, i need to "recalibrate" with the originals and hear Blanc. Bergen's Porky is much different than Mel's, more formal, the stutter more concrete in its formula (fun fact: Blanc's Porky has a southern twang in his voice if you listen for it depending on who's voice directing and i love it so much. biggest giveaway is how his "i"'s will often sound like an "ah" instead, not thinking of the stutter. I WARNED YOU we are getting into super pedantic territory here), but, much like how Joe Alaskey's Daffy is a much different interpretation than Blanc's Daffy, he was able to really make it his own. i think Bauza's Porky is still in a little bit of a limbo in finding its identity with that regard. but, also, keep in mind we've only heard him in this clip and Space Jam 2 and i have no plans of revisiting SJ2 to make a point here. sorry

THAT'S MY BIGGEST CRITIQUE i'd say! others are small, such as the design of the landlady is fun but reads like something out of the 2020 Animaniacs than anything based in the LT design philosophy, and you could argue that the fluidity is more Richard Williams-esque in its visual fluffiness and perhaps even excessiveness than, again, anything relating to LT. but i take less stock in that last one because the animation is STILL GORGEOOOOOOOOOOOOUS WHAT THE HECK!!!! so many fluid arcs and i really love that scene of Daffy talking to the landlady. the subtle twitching on Porky's cheek as a secondary action made me laugh.

other than that... you guys know that I. LOVE. LTC. i have been tracking it before it released, and there are posts on this blog (i think i saw one even dating back to its initial announcement in 2018, though it may have been a 2019 post of the 2018 upload. dunno.) dating back before i was even into LT at ALL. i've been keeping an eagle eye on every single development. the day they premiered i watched the entire batch 3 times in a row. i streamed it for you guys too! some people reading this may have been in that room.

ALL THIS TO SAY, i LOVE LTC SO MUCH and it's been the most excited i've been for anything in a very long time. i also have my fair share of nitpicks, but, as i've expressed above, they all come out of a place of love. some of the Porky and Daffy shorts in the LTCs i would have handled differently if i had my hands on them. Porky and Daffy are two characters who are deeply special to me, everyone knows me as The Porky And Daffy person including my coworkers and bosses, my friends who worked on the show and film have told me many times they're eager for my thoughts. the pig and duck are literally a part of my identity. so my critiques come more out of a place of fanaticism and love for the characters and wanting to do them justice and wanting people to see what i see in them, rather than an actual dig at the product

THAT ALL BEING SAID. there are some pitfalls and little traps the P+D (and a lot of LTC in general) shorts run into that i'm expecting to be in the movie as well. there's a little bit here with the screaming and some lines of dialogue that i probably would have shaved off (like "our roof?"). months ago i started typing up mini reviews of each LTC short that i may compile here someday--my Max subscription was about to run out and i wanted to watch all the LTCs one last time while i could. and then i renewed because i couldn't watch quickly enough and now need to return LOL--and it allowed me to lay out some of the nitpicks i have with the series more clearly, which i am fully expecting to also be in the movie. and that's okay!

ALLLL OF THIS RAMBLING IS TO SAY: I AM SO EXCITED. i've been tracking every single detail of this movie and this SERIES like a hawk since it was announced. i was even asked to work on the film back in 2021, but turned it down because i wasn't secure enough in my abilities and didn't know what job security would look like after i finished on the film. i'm glad i stuck with the decision as i did, because i figured i can draw those two any time i want, and the fact that i got asked meant that there are eyes on my work and i may get asked with other LT related offers (which turned out to be true!). needless to say, turning down the offer was genuinely one of the most excruciating things i've ever done and it seriously sent me into a pretty big funk for the next few days and weeks.

so, with all that said, it is ESPECIALLY important for me to see how this movie is and celebrate it and keep my fanatical obsessive eagle eye out. i'm so glad i get to live in a world where this is a movie that is happening and coming out. i've already got plans to see it with a best friend who i've shoved the agenda of the pig and duck down her throat many times. i am so excited to cheer on all my friends and colleagues who worked on this film. it's the most excited i think i have ever been for anything actively coming out in my life.

[cantcompetewhereudontcompare]

Louis - the Liam Gallagher cosplayer

I said my next project would be Louis as a homophobic bully - with proof. But the hard proof I have is in a hard drive I can't access right now, so I'll leave that for later (but it is coming as soon as I can).

I thought instead I'd tackle a huge thing that's been bothering me, especially in light of the Oasis reunion.

I'm personally a huge fan of Oasis, and everything about Louis regarding Oasis annoys me, but particularly these two things:

He's not an actual fan and never was. Just a casual listener who's marketing himself a certain way to appeal to a certain audience

He's attempting (rather embarrassingly) to be a copy-paste version of Liam Gallagher

I'll divide this into two parts, and this first post will be about point #1, because it'll be too long otherwise.

Anyone who was a fan of One Direction in their early days would know that Louis' Thing, the music he said he enjoyed, was Top 40 radio. He can act like he's an indie rock band enthusiast all he wants, but that's just simply not true. In fact, that was HARRY'S thing throughout his time in the band.

Fans called him a hipster (the whole Frat Harry thing came later, at the time, in 2013, fans said he was a hipster). And Louis LITERALLY mocked him for liking "obscure" bands.

Here, March 13 2013, One Direction's Take Me Home Tour in Dublin. They read Twitter questions and answered them on stage. The question was "What's the number one song played on your iPod?" and Louis introduces the question to Harry with "Harry, got any indie bands we haven't heard of?"

Here's the video. The question is at 2:06, first he talks to Zayn, then Niall, then at 2:36 to Harry.

This isn't a one-time incident, but it's one I distinctly remember (because I went to multiple shows of that tour and followed it closely!) and can physically point out. It happened multiple times. It was a Thing Louis mocked him about constantly. Keep in mind, Louis was 21 when this happened, a fully developed grown adult who had been in the industry for three years and was a professional musician.

Why do I say this? Does it bother me that he mocked Harry? No, that's just banter lmao. But what bothers me is that a few years later, he would rebrand as someone who enjoyed indie music, as an indie musician himself, who enjoyed and propped up unknown bands. And his fans would act like Harry was the popstar who made and enjoyed shallow music and Louis was a rock connoisseur all along.

At 21 Louis... distinctly wasn't that person - he also wasn't that person at 22, or 23, or 24, he started being that person in 2017, when he decided to craft his entire persona around being a Donny chav who gave you a two-finger salute and wore trackies to red carpet events.

Louis didn't even try to act like his musical style was indie rock back then. in the early 2010s there was a type of social media called Ping where you could log in songs that you liked. It was connected to your Twitter account and your iTunes account. Because in late 2012 (Louis was almost 21, might I add), it was about to shut down, a fan (a Larrie) documented the whole thing in screenshots. Here's the post. Of course they make everything about their conspiracy, but the account was legit (connected to his verified Twitter account) and the post made the rounds on normal Tumblr, so I remember seeing it at the time and saving it because it was interesting.

Some of the songs that he added to his Ping:

Thinking of You, Part of Me, Wide Awake, and the entire Teenage Dream album by Katy Perry

Talking to the Moon by Bruno Mars

Look After You by The Fray

Someone Like You by Adele

Far Away by Nickelback (he got this as a tattoo lol)

Who Knew by Pink

Bedshaped by Keane

I'm With You Avril Lavigne

Take Care by Drake

Yellow, Shiver, Talk, Fix You by Coldplay

Moves Like Jagger and Payphone by Maroon 5

It Girl by Jason Derulo

Without You by David Guetta & Usher

Love Story and We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together by Taylor Swift

Domino by Jessie J

Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol

Goodbye My Lover by James Blunt

Titanium by Sia and David Guetta

Somebody That I Used to Know by Gotye

Turn Up The Music by Chris Brown

Let's Go by Calvin Harris

Mr. Brightside and Somebody Told Me by The Killers

We Are Young by Fun.

Stop And Stare by OneRepublic

She Moves In Her Own Way by The Kooks

Basket Case and Wake Me Up When September Ends by Green Day

Call Me Maybe by Carly Rae Jepsen

I Miss You by Blink 182

Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous by Good Charlotte

Bright Lights (the album) by Ellie Goulding

Believe (the album) by Justin Bieber

Naive by Lily Allen

Imagine by John Lennon

How We Do (Party) by Rita Ora

All of these songs are heavy rotation radio hits. I'm not sure how many people will see this post, if any, but if it happens upon any young Gen Z or Gen Alpha eyes, who happen to not know some of these, they're literally just... the most played songs on the radio at the time, and Imagine by John Lennon (which was the only song older than 2000 in his entire Ping).

The only bands he has on this entire log, are Two Door Cinema Club, who you might say "oh wait, that's indie isn't it?" except they reached #2 in the UK albums chart in 2012, when this log happened. Literally following trends once again. Same thing goes for Owl City, it's a somewhat indie project, but they had a big hit (certified Diamond and hit #1 in the UK and the US), Louis logged in the project immediately after this song made it big. A bunch of John Mayer songs, who in 2012 was hyper-mainstream. Or the #1 album Coexist by The XX. And songs from the #1 album in the UK Contrast, by Conor Maynard. That plus the incredibly mainstream hits by some more rockish bands (I'm surprised he didn't log in American Idiot by Green Day) and pop. That's it.

What about Oasis? It's there.

Stop The Clocks - a greatest hits record.

Stop Crying Your Heart out - literally the #3 most popular song of theirs on Spotify

Little By Little - a huge hit off one of their latest albums (33 million YouTube Views, 85 million Spotify plays)

I'm sure he enjoyed himself some Oasis. He was a British boy growing up in the late 90s and early 2000s. It'd be weird if he didn't. But he never talked about going to see them growing up (he was 16 when they played in England for the last time). He logged in just one album, and it was a greatest hits. He logged in two songs, and they were both huge hits. He logged in a ton of songs by Coldplay, or Katy Perry. Hell, he has more songs logged in for DRAKE than Oasis.

It's obviously not definite proof, but he had that Ping account for two years, and all his iTunes purchases or likes showed up. I also don't remember him mentioning them in any particular way throughout his time in the band. Nor him mentioning going to see them. Or wearing their merch. Or...

Despite both Liam and Noel having a Twitter account as far back as 2009/2010, Louis didn't follow either of them until 2017

So that in and of itself is bizarre for someone who in 2017 would give a million different interviews specifically mentioning Oasis and Liam Gallagher, right?

But the most egregious part of his pretend act, is that he's just flat out wrong about Oasis in and of itself.

First of all, in every single interview he mentions Oasis, he singles out Liam Gallagher. You can look it up, because frankly, there's so many interviews where he does this that I could probably be here forever. He talks about Liam Gallagher so much it's almost obnoxious (and we'll get on to that in part 2), but he almost never talks about Noel. Who he mentions is Liam. Even though he says Oasis was a huge part of his inspiration as an artist, who he mentions is Liam. And this is in the context of Oasis, as a band who inspired him growing up, not Liam Gallagher as a solo artist. OASIS. Liam.

To the uninitiated on Oasis, Liam is my favorite because he's great. He's funny, he's charming, he has a distinct voice that makes Oasis stand out. He's a mean tambourine player. But to name Liam as your inspiration when you admire Oasis, as a musician, is akin to doing that with Ringo and The Beatles.

Just so we're clear, this is the writing credits for their debut album:

Their second album

Third album

Shall I go on?

Liam doesn't play instruments, except the maracas or the aforementioned tambourine. Noel:

Just:

You have to actively ignore everything about the band to pretend that your inspiration, musically, as a musician, is LIAM GALLAGHER if you actively like Oasis. What the hell are we talking about?

To be clear, Louis didn't say in these interviews that he admired Liam's vocals (which he could never in a million years imitate, and I beg him not to try), or attitude, or charisma, or fucking tambourine expertise. He talked about lyrics, and music, and songwriting. And yet, he never mentioned Noel Gallagher. IN THE CONTEXT OF TALKING ABOUT OASIS.

Listen, I fucking hate Noel Gallagher. He's a c*nt. But I happen to like Oasis, and I know, despite how much I despise him, that Oasis wouldn't exist without him.

So why did Louis mention Liam??? Well, two main reasons.

His fans don't give a fuck. They don't care about his musical opinions because they're not fans of his music or him as a musician. It's why they don't listen to it. They're fans of his status as a purported underdog or the conspiracy theories surrounding him, or rate him as a part of the band they once liked. Some of them pity follow him. He could say his musical inspiration is Miley Cyrus because of how well she plays banjo and it'd make absolutely no difference for them. Also, most of them are musically illiterate and would find a way to justify anything he says, despite being completely nonsensical, if they even listen to him in the first place.

Because of #1, Louis has been on a quest to capture a specific type of audience. He tried to capture the 1D audience with Just Hold On and Back To You (which are songs that are actually up his alley in terms of the music he consumed). But despite being his best commercially performing songs, they failed to actually and significantly move the needle. And he saw the writing on the wall even in the middle of promo for Back To You. Which is why he gave up trying to be commercially successful with that crowd and has been relentlessly trying to shift his audience.

It's why he wears sweatpants and sneakers everywhere, why he called himself a chav in 2017/2018, why the horrible haircuts, why the constant smoking and drinking in promo pics, why the pivot to "actually, I'm a die hard indie enthusiast" even though four years prior he mocked his bandmate for that exact musical taste. It's why he markets his own music as indie, rock, etc, even though it's decidedly not. It's why he does the photoshoots he does, hires the people he hires, and has the bands he has in his narcissistic "festival."

It's put-up on. I suspect it's partially borne out of deep insecurity and wanting to appeal to the type of guy he went to school with. I think his mates, despite enjoying the wealth of 1D's success, took the piss out of him for being in a boyband. This is pure speculation, but we're talking about the guys who openly retweet Andrew Tate (Nizam Kabir), or mocked his singing voice in his ex girlfriend's posts...

Let's actually expand on that, Hannah Walker, Louis' ex girlfriend, uploaded a video to her instagram account singing with a sore throat. It was captioned "sore throat singing" and this is what one of his "best friends" from childhood, Calvin Rodgers, commented on it:

This wasn't some gentle banter either, this was around a point in time where Calvin and Louis weren't hanging out (2013/2014). I actually saw Hannah's post and the comments a few years ago, but her account has gone private since.

"Calvin (unprompted) In theory, the singing wasn't AS flat as Louis" another friend (Dan Woollet) replies "Fair point" to which Calvin replies "Not only fair, but true." Hannah replies "controversial."

Louis cheated on Hannah with Eleanor (I can do a deep dive on that later), and at first Hannah didn't know, so she and Louis were on good terms, but she has been openly very negative about Louis ever since late 2011.

Calvin is also a musician, by the way. His comment was fair and true. Louis' singing IS flat. I doubt he'd say that to his face when he's on good terms with him, especially because he greatly benefits from Louis' money and status (his friends have mooched everything from access to events, to paid vacations on yachts by being with him, to outright jobs). But from things Louis has said in interviews, such as "I don't have a skincare routine because my friends would make fun of me" or "if I showed up wearing designer clothes my friends would never let me hear the end of it," it does seem like he has this need to fit in and seek approval from these idiots. I'll never understand it, and I'm not going to try and psychoanalyze him (and he doesn't wanna do therapy because he's too good for therapy anyway), but I think he wouldn't be seeking this audience otherwise.

His attempts have clearly failed. His music is consumed less and less. He's at 2.4 million monthly listeners on Spotify. Just so we're clear, Spotify has a chart of the most monthly listeners per artist, where they chart the first 500 artists from 1 to 500. #1 currently is The Weeknd with 107M. #2 is Billie Eilish. Harry is #53 without having released music in 2 and a half years (which is amazing).

The #500 is Lynyrd Skynyrd with 16,147,684 monthly listeners. Louis would have to gain 14 MILLION monthly listeners to be at the bottom of the list. That is SEVEN TIMES the total amount he has right now. That's how bad it is.

His fans don't listen to his music. They're just incredibly annoying online because their idea of stanning him or being his fan is Twitter, and TikTok, and some of them on Tumblr and never shutting up despite having zero actual arguments to back anything up (which is why I'm venting on this blog, and potentially giving Harries tools to shut these idiots up because I know how annoying they are).

I think he's still trying to market himself this way because deep down he still wants the acceptance of his high school buddies and other men like them, and his idea of cool is (deluding himself into believing to) have a career that his buddies would actually respect (as opposed to 1D).

To close off this part of the post, I'll leave with the worst part. How do I know he's not and was never a fan of Oasis? How do I know that he's lying when he says they were his inspiration as an artist?

Well, this:

He said variations of this multiple times in multiple interviews. He bashed metaphors a ton, for instance:

“[So how you classify your genre?] Oh, that’s a big question. Wow, that’s hard. In terms of what I’m looking for from a production point of view, I want things to sound organic and live. Not too many programmed instruments. I want it to feel authentic. From a lyric perspective, almost like indie-pop, very conversational. All these sexy metaphors people put in their music? I ain’t got time for that. I like it straight to the point. It’s hard to classify it as a particular genre.”

Source.

Here's another he gave for MTV:

Though "Back to You" is certifiably pop, Tomlinson grew up loving guitar-based rock bands, he said, and that when it came time to sit down and create solo music of his own, he found inspiration in the acts from his youth: mainly Oasis and Arctic Monkeys, both from Northern England (like Tomlinson). "The way that they write I've always found very interesting because, you know, if you look at a pop song fundamentally, lyrically it's very different to the conversational style that Arctic Monkeys or Oasis might use, and that's exciting to me," Tomlinson said.

All I can say is.. What the actual fuck is he talking about?

Obviously I have a lot more that I can say. But. WHAT?

Let's ignore Arctic Monkeys, because yes, I would absolutely call "honest and to the point" early Arctic Monkeys. Honest meh, because early AM was so conversational and so casual and about such mundane things that honesty wasn't really a factor, but whatever. It was incredibly to the point. BUT OASIS? OASIS??? Honest and to the point? OASIS?? OASIS??

Just so we're clear, the most mainstream song Oasis has ever released is Wonderwall. Everyone knows that song, correct? What the fuck is a wonderwall? That is not A WORD.

The word "wonderwall" came from a George Harrison album. And the lyrics have absolutely nothing to do with it. The song itself is a "Hollywood-esque song" that talks about "some unfathomable crazy love story."

The entire premise of wonderwall is that one person who's always there for you, but told in an abstract metaphorical way. That is by definition the opposite of what Louis said he wanted and liked.

In fact, Oasis FAMOUSLY worship the ground The Beatles walk on. Hell, Liam named his kid fucking LENNON. One of the most known facts about The Beatles was the amount of fucking NONSENSE they wrote in their lyrics. I Am The Walrus?! Like, this is music 101. Louis you are supposed to be a musician (yet play no instruments).

The second most mainstream song by Oasis is Champagne Supernova.

This is a verse from that song:

Wake up the dawn and ask her why A dreamer dreams she never dies Wipe that tear away now from your eye Slowly walking down the hall Faster than a cannonball Where were you while we were gettin' high?

Exactly what part of this is honest and to the point? I thought he hated metaphors?

Remember the songs he Pinged? Let's see those lyrics.

Little By Little

'Cause little by little We gave you everything you ever dreamed of Little by little The wheels of your life have slowly fallen off Little by little You have to give it all in all your life And all the time I just asked myself why, you really here?

I'm gonna go insane. What the fuck did he mean by "honest and to the point" immediately after saying the word "Oasis"? Is he OKAY? Is he having a stroke and smelling colors? How else can he describe this as "honest and to the point"?

The other song was Stop Crying Your Heart Out

Hold up Hold on Don't be scared You'll never change what's been and gone May your smile (May your smile) Shine on (Shine on) Don't be scared (Don't be scared) Your destiny may keep you warm

I'm swimming in directness and honesty here, you guys. I can't believe how to the point these lyrics are! Metaphors? Never knew 'em! Soooo conversational!

But maybe I'm cherry picking songs, and the rest of Oasis' discography actually fits what Louis said, right? RIGHT?!

Let's look at Stop The Clocks, the Greatest Hits album Louis pinged back in 2012. Literally the first verse of the songs in order. Just so we're very clear.

Rock 'N Roll Star

I live my life for the stars that shine People say, "It's just a waste of time" Then they said, "I should feed my head" That to me was just a day in bed I'll take my car and drive real far They're not concerned about the way we are In my mind my dreams are real Now you concerned about the way I feel Tonight I'm a rock 'n' roll star

Some Might Say

Some might say that sunshine follows thunder Go and tell it to the man who cannot shine Some might say that we should never ponder On our thoughts today' cause they hold sway over time

Talk Tonight

Sittin' on my own, chewin' on a bone A thousand million miles from home When something hit me Somewhere right between the eyes Sleepin' on a plane, you know you can't complain You took your last chance once again I landed, stranded Hardly even knew your name

Lyla

Calling all the stars to fall And catch the silver sunlight in your hands Come for me and set me free Lift me up and take me where I stand She believes in everything And everyone and you and yours and mine I waited for a thousand years For you to come and blow me out my mind

The Importance of Being Idle

I sold my soul for the second time 'Cause the man don't pay me I begged my landlord for some more time He said, "Son, the bills are waiting" My best friend called me the other night He said, "Man, are you crazy?" My girlfriend told me to get a life She said, "Boy, you lazy"

Seriously I wanna sit down and ask this man what the hell he was talking about. How can he, with a straight face, say that LIAM GALLAGHER was his musical inspiration growing up because of the lyrics of OASIS, and how straight and to the point, devoid of metaphors, they were. It's the most nonsensical talking point I've ever heard. If he was even remotely relevant the way people would've laughed their head off at him saying this would´ve been diabolical.

He said Oasis and Arctic Monkeys because they fit the persona he wanted to build (even geographically).

There are SO many actual indie bands from up north who write the type of lyrics he claims he likes, but he's too lazy to actually do research into this put-upon image he chose for himself (I hardly think a competent group of people was behind any of it).

He changed his hair, his facial hair, his clothing style, the way he talks, walks, the words he says, how he stands in front of a microphone, his facial expressions, the aesthetic surrounding him, even the people and teams he hired for his career, to cosplay Liam Gallagher. This isn't a case of inspiration. Inspiration is normal. It happens in art every single day. Everything we do is an amalgamation of stuff others have done before. Everything is invented. I want to make it very clear that I don't find any of that problematic in any way.

But Louis is an inch away from wearing the skin of Liam Gallagher as a winter coat. I'll actually dive deep into that in a second part of this post, because it really does go SO deep.

And I sincerely doubt he likes him or his music all that much. He just likes the idea of people viewing him like they view Liam and the "respect" he would get from men.

[weirdmageddon]

OK OK SO!!

First off!!! Hello fellow davejade enjoyer i see you. Second off—what sort of things do you wish you could’ve seen with these two in canon :0. Could be expansion on canon scene, arc direction, or just a new scene entirely. for me personally I would’ve loved to see some genuine fighting collaboration going on. I felt VERY teased with all the magic combo’s in collide.

Third! I know they do a lot of music collaboration in canon, and I’ve seen some things with them making a band together post canon. What sort of sound do you think they’d have/what artist do you think they’d sound like?

Thank you :))

okay god theres so much i wish was expanded on in canon with regard to dave and jade

this post is swan dive into homestuck meta and took me over a day to write. so i would appreciate feedback or discussion on this if you'd like, reblogs appreciated!

despite this question being posed as davejade related, my answers here are actually relevant for anyone interested in homestuck meta as well.

it’s just recently come to my attention that there are a a handful of people on twitter who are vocal davejade dislikers. i didnt know it was actually disliked until i looked it up on twitter, i honestly thought it was a joke blown out of proportion but no they exist! it surprised me a lot to see people think they "lack chemistry". not only because knowing what i know about them thats a ridiculous insinuation, but also i haven't seen the vitriol on tumblr. probably because we can actually poast about it on here in an unabridged manner which thus enables better, deeper critical analysis and engagement with the media. i think also people forget that dave strider is canonically bisexual and are too yaoipilled + facing the consequences of the epilogues to even give davejade a serious look/analysis. (dave dates terezi and karkat in separate timelines, thinks jane is hot, thinks roxy is a babe but shoves it down when he discovers she’s his ectomom lmfao. davesprite—an extension of dave himself—dated jade! but i'm going to cover that in more depth in this post since theres a lot of misunderstandings about the nature of that relationship in fanon.)

(as a side note according to what some people have told me in inbox and what ive seen lol i think that ive been inadvertently been getting people into davejade. it's all in my davejade tag here in chronological order if you'd like to get a Whiff. be sure to read the tags on posts in there too!)

even though theres a lot in this post as it is, it doesn't cover everything ive talked about wrt davejade, and i think it would benefit readers to have complementary posts alongside this for the full picture with stuff it doesn't cover. there's a ton about why theyre cute and why i think they work well together in that tag.

here's some highlight analysis posts, but be sure to check the tag because there's a more in there:

post a / post b / post c / post d / post e / post f (← one of my favorite ask responses ive ever gotten)

i think a huge chunk of the issue has to do with how the narrative handles dave and jade. one of the most damning things to me is how glossed over their canon interactions were in act 5 despite them collaborating on one of the most important things in the story. i haven't talked about this yet but i'm going to do so here. because they’re put on the backburner by the focus of the narrative during act 5, people who don’t read carefully will miss the implications that are there all along in canon but easily passed over.

under the cut ive separated it into multiple parts

1. Jade’s Quest: What Frog Breeding Entails

this is an analysis examining apart exactly what jade and dave did while frog breeding. i wrote it while high which was extremely enlightening and it allowed me to comprehend it and hopefully explain it in an understandable way. i also discuss how shitty the lack of on-screen communication between jade and dave was for this part and the next.

2. Jade & Dave vs. Jack Noir

ive discussed this one before on my blog so it's not as dense (see davejade tag). but i still sewed the gifs together and discuss how unfortunate this was to be be delegated to a banner at the top of mspa and the neglect of that whole arc despite the outcomes of it being reissued by characters thousands of pages later

3. Davesprite and Grimbark Jade

i get into davesprite's head here and try to make his motivations about the breakup clear to the extent that i can infer because jesus fuck i love these characters way too much ive known them for a decade i understand their core personality structures and why they think what they do and what is most likely to happen when extrapolating? i also talk about how grimbark jade changed the way the fandom perceives their relationship, leaving davejade on a low note instead of a high note. and then hs epilogues had even worse consequences for davejade but i wont get into it because it was character assassination all around and doesnt deserve my time or yours. but if you wanna know what i think, here

4. The music question

where actually answer this ask like it's an ask and not an essay

1. Jade’s Quest: What Frog Breeding Entails

i wish we could have seen what collecting frogs entailed for the two of them. what exactly were they doing? jade’s quest is one of the most interesting.

before i start i want to take a tangent and say the frog breeding reminds me of back in 2020-2021 when i would breed hybrid flowers in animal crossing new horizons to get a very specific gene sequence for these flowers to not only use to breed for hybrids, but to get known gene sequences that i could use to “check” the genes of other flowers. the goal is to get two parent flowers whose sequences when bred would make a specific phenotype 100% of the time.

this sounds complicated but here’s what i did for the lilies:

(“rare island” refers to one of the first acnh patches that removed a nook miles island from the pool that had hybrid versions of your native flower of very specific phenotypes for each color. i wrote out the breeding chains to get parents that would always breed that exact flower found on the rare hybrid nmt island that is no longer available.)

the cleanup ALL TO GET the white 2-2-2 lily looked like this. and after i got white 2-2-2 lily it was smooth sailing

after all that i could use the orange 2-2-0 lilies and white 2-2-2 lilies made in the black lily process and get rare island orange 2-2-1 lilies 100% of the time. in mendelian genetics these numbers (2-2-1) are quite literally RR-YY-Ww.

RR-YY-ww (orange) x RR-YY-WW (white) = RR-YY-Ww (orange: heterozygous Ww gene)

and all that effort into getting white 2-2-2 lilies enables me to get it over and over again now. i don’t have to repeat that process to get rare island pink lilies. all i need to do for the pink 2-0-2 lilies is breed two default bag red lilies (2-0-1) together. 50% will be red (2-0-1) lilies, 25% will be black 2-0-0 lilies, and the last 25% will be pink (2-0-2) lilies.

anyway sorry back to the main point. FROG BREEDING. it just reminded me of it. now that i think of it the frog breeding process also reminds me a lot of artbreeder back from when AI was only a fun little toy 4-5 years ago

ok so have a look at what kanaya says about what jade must do. this is the coolest quest imo because of how it progresses and how long it actually is

here’s how it works. remember back in act 2, when the wayward vagabond needed to tie a longer cable to descend down the ship (and refused to give up the ones that made up his mayoral sash)? he used the appearifier in the ship to appearify the extra cable across the gap to his location? that’s how the appearifier normally works when when it’s locked to the present. it’s very straightforward.

when jade appearifies a frozen frog, it shows us this exact thing. she appearified the actual frog itself (the same way WV appearified the actual cable across the gap) to her exact location. it can get the frog out of the ice in the way WV could untrap serenity from the amber. if something’s destiny wouldn’t otherwise be changed, it will not be paradoxified, it will just simply itself be warped to that location, with precise carving if it is somehow trapped inside of something else.

if you could appearify it to your location right now, you wouldnt be able to take it out the appearifier’s crosshairs in person later to alter its destiny because the object won’t be there at that time. it wouldve been with you the entire time. unless you decide to take the appearified item back to that location so that you could appearify it in the past, but that’s the most pointless time loop ever and doesn’t change its destiny.

for this icicle frog jade and dave weren’t capable of changing its destiny anyway, because it was completely encased in ice, and just didn’t bother to go after it. partially because it was with jade at the appearifier the entire time anyway and she can’t exactly put it back in there in the future. the point is, besides jade appearifying it to her location, the frog had no other possible routes of destiny. in that part of lofaf where she appearified the frozen frog from, the ice is too deep to get anything out of it (other than appearifying it) and i’m not sure the forge would have melted it in time before their reckoning ended anyway.

the goal of jade and dave is to target frogs on the appearifier screen and trust that their future selves follow through in altering the frog’s destiny. if so, then the frog’s paradox slime will appear instead and its genes would be collected in addition to creating offspring between multiple paradox clone frog genes. then, dave and jade would necessarily have to go out adventuring and find the frog so that they end up following through for their past selves.

if i understand correctly, jade is creating all the frogs on her planet that grow up with manually modified genes. these frogs must be genetically altered from their parents so that the frogs she creates don’t grow up to become one of their parents (as they’d be identical). the mutant offspring frogs “generation A” she ectobiologizes will eventually mature from tadpoles to frogs, assisted by dave’s time travel. then she will eventually target “generation A” with the appearifier to get their paradox slime to fuse with some other frogs’ paradox slime and create new slightly altered frogs “generation B” (and then follow through on altering the “generation A” frogs’ destiny so their slime and genes can be paradoxified by jade and dave’s past selves). repeat until the genes are fine tuned for the genesis frog.

this is why i compared it to my breeding in animal crossing. getting the genesis frog reminds me of the blue rose paths. i worked with the garden council back in the day and i used backwardsN’s “cesspool” method, except i honestly gotta say my white 2-2-2 lily thing was much more involved and carefully maneuvered in a way that i imagine frog breeding is more like. backwardsN’s “genepool method” was basically making a red-orange-black rose primordial soup and waiting for a blue rose to emerge out of it, just increasing the chances seeing a blue rose sprout the next day after watering with each generation of offspring. you KNOW my ass was using time travel, even if i happened to get lucky and got a blue rose without even finishing the big turtle plot. without time travel, most players (95%) will get their first blue rose before these # of days. (open up advanced tag)

there must be so many daves running around to help her going back in time all within the span of a few hours while still having their own linear, older timelines that are much longer than the “time stage” they’re actually functioning in. this sounds complicated but it’s not. think of this “time stage” as analogous to the 3 days until the moon falls in majoras mask. it’s the “time window” all the time travel takes place within, but link doesn’t become a day younger when he travels to a day ago. the timeline of his “self” is older but is kept within the confines of the 3-day timeframe. similarly, in tears of the kingdom, two master swords exist simultaneously for most of history, but the one on the light dragon’s head (who was above the cloud barrier before the upheaval btw) is further ahead on its own linear timeline: it starts as the other, pre-gloomed master sword → broken by gloom → sent to the past to be repaired → renewed over time, existing at the same time on the “time stage” as its own pre-gloomed past self but ahead on its own linear timeline

now imagine this but within the “time stage” of just a few hours within the same 24-hour period. kanaya says frog breeding ordinarily takes weeks. multiple daves can exist simultaneously because they’re operating in the same few-hour-timeframe but one can linearly be days ahead of another. it’s the exact same thing as breeding flowers in animal crossing for irl days but to your game it’s whatever date you have it set to. your irl progress isn’t lost if you go back a few days in settings. i’d often find a week in june to use as a “time stage” to loop through when it would rain at least one hour on each day of that week which would save me the hassle of watering my flowers every day before time traveling to the next.

it must’ve sucked for dave to hear jade say the same things over and over again. the novelty probably wore off pretty fast lol…… dave says he saw his future self fighting and dying to jack and knew that’s what he’d eventually have to do as well. every single dave at all points of his linear timeline understood that and it probably settled something horrible into his heart.

im imagining during the original run dave was thinking to himself: “im bored but cant alter anything about this without creating a doomed timeline. if i dont see my future self hugging jade then i cant hug her even though i really fuckin want to. note to future self: hug jade. aww shit look at me go guess i remembered. hell fucking yes cant wait for that to be me in a few hours” and gives a thumbs up

future dave pov, hugging jade and watching his past self give him a thumbs up from afar thinking to himself: “ahaha i remember exactly what i was thinking there” and gives a thumbs up

but anyway. goddamn. JADE AND DAVE. what did hussie do to you.

this is a goddamn atrocity.. what the hell man. i wish we could have at LEAST seen the text file jade sent to kanaya. we got to see ConversationWithAVeryStupidGirl.Txt but not daveisafunnyguy.txt?

i mean i GUESS the humor is delivered through this

and like, yeah that is pretty funny? but i feel like the single laugh this gives me is nothing compared to the joy i wouldve gotten out of seeing what dave has to say about the cloning apparatus for ants here and talking himself into circles about frog procreation enough to make not just gigglehouse jade laugh, but kanaya too

we spent so much time learning about the mechanics of the punch designix and hardly anything about creating the seed of the actual new universe. we learn about it through kanaya and karkat messaging jade, instead of dave and jade working that out through SHENANIGANS. even though this is JADE AND DAVE'S session. it’s fine that kanaya is helping them, as she should, but we’ve seen parallel pesterlog conversations before so i dont get why we didn’t get that here! jade and dave frog breeding is one of the most important events in homestuck, and yet it was terribly glossed over. everything in the story, their futures, are predicated on their success. not just in their unwinnable session, but the one they split up for 3 years and escape to.

at first i thought, maybe their lack of shown interaction has to do with hussie working out the intricacies of pesterlog/dialogue thing? as he once stated on tumblr:

shoshaumbay asked: In the intermission of act 6, it says that they get to talk. Does this mean that their guardians couldn’t talk to them before and that is why they left them notes all around their houses?  The achievement badge only upgraded their ability to speak to each other as presented through the comic. I.e. it permitted them to speak to each other… WHILE WE WATCH! Do you think all the trolls were hanging out together, not talking at all? Or Dave and Jade were doing all that frog hunting without a single peep?? That’s ridiculous. On the other hand, abstraction weaves itself through the Homestuck reality, and it can be hard to pin down where abstraction is to be taken literally. The truth is, there is not much distinction between the layers of abstraction and the reality they are meant to stand for. John was both literally named on his 13th birthday, and not quite, because that’s silly. The guardians are both literally silent automatons, and not really, as there is indication through allusion they function as normal people too. And the kids went through a huge adventure, achieved immortal god status, and even then had to gain a few more levels just to gain the achievement of simple dialogue as a literal upgrade, as well as not literally, because that makes no sense. The reality is inseparable from the way the story is presented and the way the “game” is played. But those abstractions are also a facade for a more life-like reality beneath it as well.

then i realized, this is not only an arbitrary cop out that affects my enjoyment of the comic in retrospect because they wind up being able to talk later anyway and that makes me feel cheated in these moments, but also still actually awful within these parameters because hussie breaks his own rule here, proving he could have shown us dave and jade talking in person at any time regardless of needing the gift of gab achievement for us to watch them as readers. recall this is also the first time john and rose met in person (at least when rose wasn't asleep):

2. Jade & Dave vs. Jack Noir

this is where i take out my frustration over this being delegated to a banner at the top to the point where readers forgot it occurred.

(also i want yall to take a moment to acknowledge this ^)

i wish their time on lofaf frog breeding and fighting with jack was front and center and wasnt just in the banner at the top of the page. it makes it seem not as important when it completely was, considering that characters brought up what had happened in that scene multiple times.

it is significant because it is at that point that jack noir has killed all of the kids at least once. the only one left being jade who he refuses to kill due to bec’s loyalty

THIS IS WHAT THE REFRANCE (foreshadowing)

jack noir killed john on his quest bed which allowed him to ascend to god tier. then he killed john AGAIN but it wasn’t a heroic or just death so john was revived

jack killed grimdark rose. john smooched rose’s corpse, allowing her to take over on derse.

jack killed dave by redirecting jade’s bullets into dave’s body instead. jade smooched dave’s corpse, allowing him to take over on derse.

after jade shoots him through jack, he’s down for the count. she kisses him and he wakes up on derse; all he and rose have left of “themselves” in an existential sense are their dreamselves. they didnt know they were going to ascend to god tier delivering the tumor. they assumed they were just going to die like for real and not come back which is why dave went with rose since he didnt want her to die alone.

it was also an important point since her time spent with dave on lofaf is the first in-person contact jade has had with another living human since she was probably 4 years old with her grandpa.

for jack noir, we got [s] seer: desend and [S] ==> (3696) which were hella impactful. seeing jade and dave essentially go through the same thing but with an extended battle sequence honestly kinda warrants a flash in my mind. (the sad thing is that unite synchronization was originally written with those pages in mind (the track was originally called redshift) but of course malcolm brown couldnt have known what was going to happen unless hussie commissioned him for a specific track for a specific story beat, probably like whatever he did to coordinate cascade’s music with toby ahead of the 10/25/11 release of the flash and publication of volume 8 on bandcamp)

i think one of the worst parts is that entire conversations were referenced, but cut or never written.

this is a real forgotten homestuck fact: jade was completely freaking out after filling dave with bullets until karkat had talked her through it. very easily forgotten since even though it being referenced twice we never actually saw the conversation. (i overrode the black scratch background so it's easier to read)

wow thats so crazy i as a member of the audience dont in fact remember! would it have killed to write it my guy

and we find out thousands of pages later dave was thinking more about how it wouldve made jade feel to watch him die than knowing he was about to fucking die. if you even care btw

i wrote more about this here

3. Davesprite and Grimbark Jade

davesprite—an extension of dave himself—dates jade but breaks up because he feels inadequate at being the dave that he thinks jade deserves. NOT because they fought or anything. they were still on good terms. davesprite just felt inherently unlovable. john seemed more upset about the breakup frankly.

what davesprite did was because he thought it was in jade's best interest. there is nothing to suggest it was a fight / clash break up. they still seemed to be on good terms, davesprite asking where she went and all. jade says the breakup “is complicated” and “hes going through a lot of stuff”. given the context i think it's reasonable to assume that davesprite's thought process was: “we're coming up to the new session soon and youre going to meet up with dave again and i dont want to make shit awkward with you dating knockoff dave. you deserve to be with real dave instead so im gonna cut what we have going here in advance and distance myself from your life”

jade probably protested about saying how he's just as real as “real dave”, but davesprite made his decision already. im sure it wasnt easy for davesprite to break up either. with emotions running high (sadness, not anger) he probably just left to be alone and distance himself from jade, and seems to harbor guilt about it as we see in the log. that's probably why he wasn't at john's movie party. this is just speculation on my part but it doesnt seem in character for the breakup to be explosive because jade seemed more understanding than john. sad, but understanding.

i feel like a lot of people forget this. grimbark jade made it seem like davesprite did it to hurt her, or for this to mean that dave and jade are not actually good for each other, which is a wild mischaracterization of what happened but the one that stuck with the fandom nonetheless.

not only that, but davesprite's existence tragic and he's understandably depressed. after spending about a year in sburb (accounting for time travel) without john or jade, only to go back and give up your personhood to advance the alpha timeline and become forgotten is fucking crushing, and i think the breakup is also about davesprite coming to terms with that trauma, being okay with his existence as a sprite instead of being a bootleg stand-in for the dave that jade knew.

basically what vintagegamebro says,

it was such a tragic way for them to part for 3 years with no communication, and it was only proceeded by more tragedy because jade then had no one but davesprite to turn to, and davesprite needed anything but romance at that point

grimbark jade isn’t a good reflection of jade’s actual self. she pushed the mayor into lava for fucks sake which normal jade would never dream of doing, grimbark jade is straight up unhinged. i’m sure jade was hurt because all breakups hurt, but it was blown out of proportion (see how calm she was above a few days after the breakup?) because of Evilness. but also as @vintagegamebro mentioned it also felt somewhat … “off”? or out of left field? especially seeing what the nature of the breakup was from both sides in the above screenshots.

when dave says “theres no way i would have done that to you” i genuinely believe him. i have no reason not to believe him. look at him above asking for questions and clarification. thinking about how what davesprite did, a version of himself beyond his control and how it reflects on himself, i think it's obvious dave cares a lot about how jade feels about him

even after this confrontation in the game over timeline, dave laid down his fucking life to defend her corpse from the becs in he hope she could be revived by jane

and to think that after all this he still chose to save her, like always, probably knowing he had little to no chance, just because he cares for her, her life and who she is beyond this moment, really meant a lot for them. i really, really was mad that this would be the last time they would truly ever be together in a way that to me mattered

4. The music question

i wrote this post regarding instruments with this song in the back of my head if its anything. takes about 12 seconds to start after you press play for some reason

this too, closer to the “style”. i like imagining dave going apeshit on drums

[shortnsnips]

twitter is really pissing me off with this. ( / wilbur soot , abuse )

love dream, hate dream, i don't care. you can think he's a terrible person, think he did terrible things WHILE ALSO acknowledging how well-spoken and important it was for him to say something. all of these stupid "he's doing it to save face!" or "this is an insane PR tactic" or even the "this is dangerous!!!" are actually so insensitive and to be quite honest makes you side with abusers!

dream is a victim of domestic violence and has been public about this for YEARS - it is so incredibly important that he spoke out in support of shelby while ALSO condemning wilbur's actions as a victim of domestic abuse to show solidarity, from one victim to another. to show that he KNOWS what it's like, he knows the behaviors and the tactics. he saw them in wilbur's bullshit "apology".

dream even says in his statement how encouraging it was to see, as a victim himself, that people were speaking out in support of shelby. how this was going to raise awareness to see the signs, to help encourage more people to speak out and not fear their abuser or just to be able to stand up for anyone who decides to speak out about it. to go on and completely diminish his words by saying "don't let this fool you!" is actually really gross. diminishing another victim's voice is gross. nobody said you had to like him for speaking up. did he have to? no. did anyone have to? also no! don't know why we're so upset and angry about having more uplifting voices, more support. we should be focusing on supporting shelby, not using another victim's message of support to shit on other people and bring external situations into this. it's gross and draws the attention away from the matter at hand, which is what the abuser tried to do in the first place.

since im here (probably won't be back to waffle until the tubbathon starts lol) i just wanted to point out the parts that really stuck out to me from his response because even though i don't really care for him anymore, i do think his support/condemnation has been the best worded so far.

"she had a reason to be afraid to say your name, but you shouldn't have been afraid to say hers"

i got actual chills from that one because FUCK it's so true. it bothered me so bad that wilbur was so vague about it almost as if he could AVOID it if he never attached her name to it. idk if theres really any legal stuff behind it or what not but other than that he had zero consequences for naming her directly. zero consequences for giving her a direct apology. his "apology" didn't even sound like it was TO HER. he isn't sorry, he obviously doesn't know what he has to be sorry for if he's too much of a pussy to address her directly.

"thank you for being brave"

it is so so important that he described her as such because not only does it continue to uplift her and encourage her to stay strong and continue to be brave, but it shows that speaking out against any form of abuse no matter what it is is BRAVE. it's admirable and hopefully sends encouragement to anyone else who reads it that speaking out against it is brave. point blank period. (and honestly everything in his apology to shelby was so incredibly well-worded - its really the fucking fact that dream who had no involvement whatsoever could apologize but wilbur didn't even know what he was supposed to apologize for lol.)

i've said this before, and i'll say it again. all of my love and support goes out to shelby. i am so incredibly inspired and proud of her for being able to stand up for herself, to speak out against someone even if they had a larger platform and raise awareness to the signs and pieces of shit within the community so we don't continue to support and platform dangerous people. i've watched shelby for such a long time, she was such an important part of my childhood and it actually breaks my heart that someone could even THINK of doing anything like that to her because she is such a fucking light and fuck ANYONE who would do anything to try and put that out. i wish her nothing but the best and all of the healing in the world because she deserves it so so much. my heart goes out to any and all other victims of wilbur, as well.

[madeofsweetness]

Book Talk Continuation @2pretty

I honestly loved reading your thoughts (the analogy to junk food was perfect!) and I agree with everything you said. The most beautiful thing you wrote was, "Our time should be spent in a way that makes us love life, not distracts from us living it." It’s the whole conclusion of the book really! I’ve noticed that many people in our generation are almost against the idea of this. They call everything cringe, make fun of people who are happy, disrespect anyone who doesn’t believe their nonsense, and try to drag others down. This is the problem of social media I guess and I’m sure you’ve talked about it before.

Also let me point out, the quote at page 202 is spot on! When I began to limit my sm usage and do No Social Media Sundays (thanks to you girl!), I felt anew. I now do not wanna spend no more than like 20 minutes on apps like twitter and tumblr cause it feels weird😭 Cultivating a life worth living is the ultimate freeing state to be in and a lot of these apps become extremely wasteful, once you start filling your schedule with higher quality activities. It’s just like Outkast said, you need to get up, get out and get something. Don’t let the days of your life pass by! 

I would love to hear about any habits you have or will do as well! But here are my habits I would like to implement after reading this book: 

Calling people instead of texting. Honestly, the only people I call are my family but when I make more friends, I want them to know, calling is my preferred method of communication. I want to be even more human again and only texting doesn’t allow for that. (Reference to page 145 about irl communication vs digital)

Printing or writing out directions instead of using google maps. I love google maps but I want to be able to have an internal compass, know which street will come after the other and be able to ask people around me for help like my parents do, without feeling so sure that “oh my phone will tell me”.

Only accessing social media on my laptop instead of through the apps. The apps are there to make the process convenient and addicting but I’m planning on using these apps for a sole purpose which means, I can’t keep caring about conveniency!

Only looking up words in my physical dictionary. As a kid, I loved reading my dictionary and encyclopedia but as technology progressed, it became easier to quickly open the next tab and search "what does [blank] mean?" without thinking. I honestly miss the feeling of cracking open a hardcover book and scanning through the words until I finally landed on what I was searching for. Plus I think dictionaries are good for truth/historical purpose, it’s not based in emotion ;) hehe

Buy photo albums again!! I still use disposable cameras so that’s not a problem, but instead of keeping my pics digital, I want to print them out from my phone and keep them safe in a beautiful family album like how my other memories are. I also was totally inspired by my mom bcs I seen her photo book from her teen years and it warmed my heart completely. Memories will always be cherished, even the silly ones. 

Praying 24/7. To talk, to reflect, to ask for guidance, etc. I’m realizing that praying isn’t to be done only when in a [blank] state of mind nor is it to be "perfect". (Direct reference to page 95)

Learning to not just whip out my headphones when I feel awkward. On page 100, I felt sooo called out when he said iPods created this way of living that now enables you to have a musical backdrop for your entire day lol. I love music too much to give it up whenever I’m outside especially since it helps with my emotions, but I do recognize that being plugged in constantly will not want to make people talk to me, and I want to look approachable and friendly!!

I eventually want to start taking 2 hour walks. That’s it.

Months ago, I wished badly to have love letters written about me from my future man haha, but I realized I could write myself love letters! I decided that every year I could write about what this year was about for me. I don’t know if I will still do that or if I’ll just write everything down in my journal and label that as my "love letter" but either way, I’m documenting off of my phone.

Just like when I was a kid, I now always carry a current book im reading, my word finder book and a notebook whenever I leave the house. Only problem is I need a bigger bag haha.

As a (Black) American, I think it’s crucial for me to learn the skills that my grandmother and great grandmother knew, things like sewing, quilting, and cooking without recipes lol, are what I want to know how to do as well. I think it’s a wonderful way to honor them and when I have my own family, I would love to teach my children too. These crafts should not be forgotten, it’s culture.

[dangerliesbeforeyou]

someone on twitter posted this chart that showed the average ratings for the inside no 9 episodes and i was FLABBERGASTED by the results of it... and like i didn't think my opinions on the eps were particularly Hot Takes but... now i'm not sure lol...

anyway prepare for a (very VERY long... i wrote over 4700 words what is WRONG with me lol?!?!) ranking list that no one asked for and no one wants lol

firstly check out the post i was talking about here (and potentially be equally as shocked at the results as i was lol)

ok so i will preface by saying i have seen most of the episodes twice, but some only the once atm... also, i kinda haphazardly put this list together so it's potentially subject to change lol

final thing is that i dont thing any of the episodes are BAD, even my least favourite are still good bits of telly, but ultimately i liked them less for whatever reason (which i'll go into because i love to ramble)...

i'll try not to do any spoilers in case anyone's reading this (lol) and hasn't seen the series (double lol)

also also we're going from my least to my most favourite because that builds suspense soooo.... here we go!

55) 1.4 Last Gasp

ok so i've not just put this one last because reece isn't in it lol (though that is part of the reason(ha) lmao). though i found the premise of this episode interesting, i think ultimately the characters and direction of the story felt a lot like something you would see in a sorta run-of-the-mill sitcom... which isn't necessarily a bad thing, just not really what i personally look for in an in9 ep lol...

54) 2.5 Nana's Party

another with a similar sorta vibe to the previous one, this is just slightly higher because i enjoyed the characters a bit more here lol... i think the 'twist' of this one was a little bit lame, though, if i'm being totally honest lol...

53) 5.3 Love's Great Adventure

i appreciated what this one was going for, and i think it built up the characters with each new day in a really believable way, but mostly i just found it Okay and not super memorable... i will say that i wish i could put this higher because the kid in this was genuinely adorable & his interactions with everyone were so sweet lol

52) 1.6 The Harrowing

a slightly disappointing episode for me, especially when the set up was SO good... and yes it was DEFINITELY let down by steve not being in it lol! i totally get why they wanted to try some eps without the both of them, but yeh it really felt like it was missing something for me...

the end was alright, but i kinda wish they'd gone further with it? i did enjoy the characters though and ofc helen mccrory is a goddamn LEDGE in it lol

51) 3.2 The Bill

this might be the first of my potentially Hot Takes(tm) lol... i thought it was just Fine lol... definitely some great interactions, and the premise is hilarious, but i wouldn't say it was one that stuck with me particularly? it kinda felt like a cut league of gentlemen gag which isn't a BAD thing, but because of that it didn't feel totally new/unique to in9... idk lol... great supporting cast, though, ofc!

50) 7.3 3 by 3

this one was definitely good fun, and lee mack is great in it, but it's not one i necessarily see myself watching again any time soon? i think part of this is because i didn't see this live, or witness all the Bus Episode(tm) fuckery so i think i am at a kinda disadvantage lol... but yeah mainly sad that neither steve nor reece are in it :(

49) 1.2 A Quiet Night In

another potentially Hot Take here lol... though i liked the whole idea of it being silent comedy, i think it was let down by a couple things. first, i kinda wish it had leaned more visually into the sorta slapstick/charlie chaplin era they were referencing (like i get they probably thought that it being in black and white would be a bit TOO on the nose, but idk... i kinda think it would've added to it? that might just be me though lol... i just like when things are in black and white lol)

honestly though? my main issue was the lame transphobic joke they made w/ oona chaplin's character lol... like even for 2014, the whole 'haha woman have penis = peak comedy' was a bit tired of a trope, coupled by what happens to her at the end of the episode? idk... rubbed me the wrong way and kinda stopped me from fully loving this episode lol

48) 5.1 The Referee's A Wanker (no i'm not censoring it like it does on the iplayer fuck that lol)

i'm kinda let down by being infinitely bored by anything football related with this one lol... like i liked some of the twists, and also the final twist (after my dad explained it to me because at first i was like huh what lol...), and the characters were fun, but yeh... not really much to say other than 'it was alright lol'

47) 4.5 And The Winner Is…

i actually did mostly enjoy this one lol! we're mostly getting to the ones now that i have minimal bad things to say about (which at number 47 out of 55 is p impressive lbr)

but yeh, the reveal of this was great, and i loved the individual characters (shout out to zoë wanamaker, she stole my heart lol <3) i suppose it's just kinda low because it wasn't that exciting lol? but yeh, a solid episode anyway lol

46) 8.5 Nine Lives Kat

i loved a lot about this one, the kinda russian doll style of reveals were really clever tbh! this is one that i've only seen once and i really do feel like i should watch this one again to get my full thoughts... so who knows, its ranking might change if i were to watch it again lol

also that kiss though 👀

45) 5.4 Misdirection

i loved the opening bit, plus the tension of this episode was fab! the twist was kinda predictable, which i don't consider a negative thing generally but it just means that it falls lower against episodes with more surprising twists lol... it's definitely one i wanna watch a few times since there's a lot of details you miss with just one!

44) 8.4 Love Is A Stranger

this one was probably the most black mirror-y feeling episode they've ever done (which is a compliment, btw, because i genuinely love black mirror lol) not just because of the technological elements, but also with the general tone and that twist! i actually kinda liked that steve and reece took more of a step back in this one, it let the other characters really shine imo!

43) 5.5 Thinking Out Loud

i feel kinda bad for putting this one so low since i think it's probably one of the most interesting both conceptually and stylistically, but... there are just so many good episodes what am i supposed to doooooooo?? (not much i can really say about this one without giving things away... i did really enjoy steve's american accent though lol!) 42) 7.4 Kid/Nap

i thought i was gonna kinda dislike this one when i started watching, the premise is pretty simple and i like the split screen stuff but was worried it was gonna come across as a bit gimmicky, but honestly? i had a lot of fun with it! some really brilliant twists and turns, and genuinely one of the funniest of the episodes imo! held together by the great performances and simple but effective story!

41) 8.6 The Last Weekend

this probably would have been higher if i had just based it on my first watch (which was before a certain other episode came out), but on second watch (and with the context of that other episode that has a similar sorta premise but, imo, done much better)

regardless, though, this is a pretty iconic and VERY memorable episode lol!

40) 1.5 The Understudy

ok so my very tiny complaint about this is i wish there were more of the surreal elements (kinda hard to describe but if you've seen the episode you know what i'm referring to lol)... anyway i generally really love things that are set around the theatre tbh and this one really highlights just how good they are as writers with a very limited setting and selection of characters!

but yeh... wish there were more of the surreal/strange moments if had dotted around!

39) 9.5 Curse Of The Ninth

i generally loved the spooky atmosphere of this one! another one that i feel i need to rewatch, i feel like the ending felt a bit abrupt on this one and i definitely kinda wish it had been slightly longer (just like an extra 5 minutes come ON lads) but overall i really liked it! it's my least favourite of series 9, which really shows how strong of a final series it was tbh lol!

38) 6.3 Lip Service

there's so much to like in this episode; great layers of comedy and tragedy, plus the twist really caught me off-guard lol! definitely one of the more complicated episodes (and yes, i also need to rewatch this one lol...) 37) 5.2 Death Be Not Proud

i first watched this one with literally no knowledge of psychoville, but even then i still enjoyed it (also jenna coleman!!! kinda wish we'd seen more of her since she kinda got overshadowed by the psychoville characters, but she's still great lol), though rewatching it once i had watched the other show definitely made a lot of the references make more sense lol

wish i could put it higher just because mr jelly!!!!! love that guy, but the overall story isn't the most interesting or unique compared to the others, but it's still great regardless lol

36) 9.4 Ctrl Alt Esc

another episode that has a similar concept to an episode i like more, which is sorta preventing this from being any higher, but regardless i adored the setting (i've never been to an escape room but i have a strong feeling i'd love them lol), and i think it did such a good job at making us understand the family dynamics really quickly and effectively! also one of steve's strongest performances, i gotta say! he plays these kinds of understated characters so well imo

35) 7.5 A Random Act Of Kindness

i really like the episodes of in9 that feel like almost love letters to a particular subject and how that relates to people and their relationships... curse of the ninth was about music and the act of creation, misdirection was magic and revenge, and this one is dedicated to science, regret and loss! i think i kinda wish it ended in a different way, but i don't think the ending took away any of the rest of my enjoyment of the episode lol

34) 6.6 Last Night Of The Proms

i was most shocked that based on the ratings this is apparently the least liked episode lol? it's arguably the most political of the in9 episodes so i don't know if that's why people are a bit torn about it? or the religious elements lol?

either way overall i really liked it! i think it did a good job of combining the absurd premise with the slight political commentary, plus i really enjoyed the characters (and loved the thick west country accents lol)

33) 2.6 Seance Time

there are so many great elements of this that i can't talk about cos i don't wanna give away any spoilers, but honestly this one has some great twists as well as some genuinely pretty intense moments! i can't explain it but i feel like this would be a really good episode for anyone who hasn't seen the show before to start with? i just feel like it has a perfect 'inside no 9' energy to it lol

32) 8.1 The Bones Of St Nicholas

this might be one of my favourite interpretations of a typical ghost story tbh! possibly genuinely one of the only episodes of the show that actually scared me a bit, ngl! the overall spooky atmosphere is just so great. plus simon callow!!!!!!!!

31) 6.1 Wuthering Heist

another of my potential Hot Takes since a lot of people didn't seem to like this one? i found it genuinely really funny, plus the whole commedia dell'arte + the breaking the fourth wall thing were such unique concepts to throw into one episode lol! i think maybe it's because there were so many slightly strange concepts that people felt it was a bit unfocused??? idk... the ending wasn't my favourite, but i just felt generally the episode felt like nothing i'd really seen before!

also gemma whelan (whose name i had to google oops... she's SUCH a familiar face to me but i don't think i ever learnt her name lol) was so good in this lol

30) 9.6 Plodding On

sorta hard to know where to put the finale tbh... i've only watched it the once through, so definitely need to watch it again at some point. at the same time it's basically a love letter to the rest of the show itself, so it's sorta difficult to judge based on its own merit lol...

that being said, i loved the drama and tension, plus all (well most, ahem) of the cameos from all the people who were in the show in the past were really lovely!

but yeh... definitely a weird one to try and rank... almost feel like i need to put it in it's own list pfft

29) 7.2 Mr King

one of the first truly Bat Shit episodes on my list so far lol! i love the setting and the kid actors in this were INCREDIBLE honestly! another one i don't wanna say much about it because it's kinda better to go in blind lol

only thing i'll say is: ok but whose dicks were those pictures of? they probably mentioned it in a behind the scenes episode or on twitter or smth but i've not seen anything and i'm kinda intrigued did they just.... find them online? did they ask staff? how does one find random pictures of penises(peni?) to use in your dark comedy show lol???

28) 9.1 Boo To A Goose

there's a lot to love about this episode, SO many absolutely incredible british actors (joel fry, susan wokoma, mark bonnar!!!!) plus drag queen steve!??! hELLO???? AND it's on a train!!!! the twist definitely felt reminiscent of a lot of other older horror media, but that didn't stop it being surprising or memorable!

27) 4.4 To Have And To Hold

1st thing: good for her.

2nd thing, this episode was SO good! i had no idea where it was gonna go with the story so the reveal was super shocking to me, plus nicola walker seriously KILLED with her performance ngl!

this is definitely a slow burn episode, so if at any point you're feeling like it's dragging i do implore you to stick with it!

26) 4.6 Tempting Fate

now, if we were ranking these on 'how cute reece looks' then this would be in the top 3 at least sorry not sorry... unfortunately we're NOT ranking them based on that criteria so it'll have to remain at 26th place lol

i really enjoyed the premise and characters of this one! i also especially liked how the hare from this episode is featured in every episode of the show which creates this really kinda insane idea that what if every single story is actually connected lol?!?!

25) 1.1 Sardines

i feel like i should put this one higher because it is pretty iconic first episode of the show, but there are just so many good episodes what am i supposed to DO?!!!!!!?!?

this is technically the episode i've seen the most, i believe, and i do still find so much to enjoy about it even though i've seen it like 3+ times at this point! so many great actors involved lol

side note, i had not actually heard of sardines as a game until i watched this and wasn't entirely sure if they'd just made it up pfft... anyway maybe it's just a northern thing or smth because i'm sure we didn't have this in the south pfft... just plain ol' hide and seek lol

24) 8.3 Paraskevidekatriaphobia

one of the most jarring twists (literally kinda feels like it comes out of nowhere, at least to me pfft), but i definitely still liked it! there was a nice bit of slapstick comedy in this which i appreciated! there were also a lot of superstitions in this that i wasn't familiar with (like the peacock feather one lol)

not really much else to say, it's just a really solid episode lol!

23) 7.1 Merrily Merrily

i did love that this one felt legit like a reunion between the (3) members of the league of gentlemen tbh they were obviously still playing characters, but their interactions just felt so natural and i really enjoyed it! plus diane motherfucking morgan is one of the funniest people alive i SWEAR to god lol! the pee scene made me cry with laughter ngl lol

i honestly think this one is kinda underrated? idk if it was because it was more emotional and character driven than some of the others? (which doesn't make sense since The most popular episode is an emotional, character driven one pfft... idk... people are strange)

22) 6.4 Hurry Up And Wait

so if we were ranking these based on 'how cute reece looks' then this would be RIGHT at the bottom because girl WHAT was that fucking wig?!?! thankfully we're NOT ranking it on that so this gets to be at 22nd lol

as said before, i really like films and shows that deal with theatre or actors, so it was really fun to see actors acting like complete divas lol i was a little worried that the mystery element was going to be another kinda lazy lame joke, but they actually went more of an interesting direction with it imo!

21) 2.3 The Trial Of Elizabeth Gadge

part of me kinda wished they'd done more historical episodes like this because I genuinely loved the setting! there's also a great load of humour in this one, which a pretty legendary couple of twists at the end that made me go like 'OHHHH!??!!' when i first watched it pfft

20) 3.4 Empty Orchestra

arguably the most wholesome episode of the entire show, and usually i wouldn't be a big fan of this kinda episode (like i said i didn't the bottom 2 eps because they felt too much like generic sitcoms lol), BUT there was something in the characters and the genuinely really uplifting and kinda sweet vibe of this one that i couldn't help but love lol!

it's also the closest we got to a musical episode which i'm STILL bummed we never got... like yeh i get logistically it's super hard to do but .... i wanted to hear them sing :((((((

19) 9.3 Mulberry Close

another case of 'there's another similar episode that i liked more' which is sorta why this isn't higher lol regardless, it's such a clever concept to be told entirely through the cctv footage, and the general story and collection of characters were super interesting! i haven't rewatched it yet so definitely need to give it another go lol!

18) 4.7 Dead Line

ok so i need y'all to know that i was watching this literally YEARS after the ep aired with me dad but we STILL got bamboozled by the show cutting out pfft... which might just be because we're dumb but i like to think it's also just because it's so well crafted! it is another one that you need to go in blind imo so please just check it out if you haven't!

recently watched a great video essay on yt where someone spoke about this episode (check it out here!)

17) 2.2 The 12 Days Of Christine

gasp 12 days of christine? not in the top 10???!?!

ok this is IS an amazing episode, and sheridan smith is honestly one of the most under-appreciated british actors imo

BUT idk i think on rewatch the impact of the twist had definitely lessened? like i remember coming up with all these theories on my first watch which were TOTALLY wrong lol... and yeh like there are definitely just other eps i like more... it's good! it's SO good! i still love it! i just... idk lol

16) 3.6 Private View

maybe it's the art nerd in me but i really did love this one lol! i liked the murder mystery vibe of this one with a group of people being invited to an mysterious location and as a viewer you spend the whole time desperately trying to figure out their connection lol!

i liked the small peter kay cameo, plus morgana robinson as a big brother celeb was so fucking funny lol! plus the twists were really mad and i loved them lol!

15) 2.1 La Couchette

very similar to the previous one, but i really did love the collection of kooky characters here lol plus as someone who has been in several hostels (not on a train, but hostels are hostels) i relate HEAVILY to being surrounded by just the strangest and loudest people you will ever meet pfft...

(shout out to the korean guy that came in at like 2am, showered (the shower was right next to the beds so we could hear everything) and he appeared to have everything he ever owned in paper bags which he rustled about for like 20 minutes... i really contemplated murder that night lemme tell you...)

uh anyway yeh this episode is great lol!

14) 6.2 Simon Says

we're onto my ultimate favourite episodes at this point btw lol

this episode is full of great twists and suspense, plus nick mohammed! i like the way they explored fandom culture in a way that didn't feel like it was being overtly mean to the idea of fandom itself (cough unlike sherlock cough and supernatural cough)!

also if we were ranking these episodes based on 'how cute steve looks' then this would be number 1 hands DOWN lol!

13) 1.3 Tom and Gerri

my highest rated series 1 epsiode! i'd actually forgotten about the twist of this one when i rewatched it recently, but i still really loved it tbh!

a great combination of horror with a really emotional through line, plus even at the end you're never really sure what is real or not lol...

12) 3.3 Riddle Of The Sphinx

this episode is SO fucked up and SO good lol!!! you never guess where the story is going next and it's just a wild experience lol! again, don't wanna say too much to give anything away but i will say i understand cryptic crosswords even LESS after watching this twice pfft...

11) 4.1 Zanzibar

if i had any skills i would write my review for this in imabic pentameter ... but alas i do not

this episode felt like such an amazing demonstration of reece and steve's writing prowess! it's funny, the story is absolutely mad with so many crazy twists, and a stellar cast! so worth a watch, especially if you like anything vaguely shakespearan and theatrical lol!

10) 6.5 How Do You Plead

another one where i had SO many theories of where the episode was going to go only to be completely wrong and the twist shook me and i LOVED it! there isn't really much to the story, but it's truly carried by the brilliant performances imo!

9) 3.1 The Devil Of Christmas

i've not really heard anyone talk about this episode much but i was so taken aback by how much i really loved it! jessica raine absolutely NAILS her performance as a 60s/70s actor, and the general film aesthetic and dialogue style is just perfect, and the reveals throughout the episode just add so SO much to the enjoyment of this!

i have a feeling this might actually go up in my rankings when i eventually rewatch it because there are just SO many interesting layers to it imo!

also i just realised i've included the two episodes derek jacobi was in back to back pfft.. wasn't on purpose but he is a legend lol!

8) 9.2 The Trolley Problem

highest rated 9th series episode woop woop!

i rewatched this one recently and realised it reminded me a lot of the story in Last Weekend, but just as i said in that review, i much preferred the way this story was handled to the other one!

(don't get me wrong, they're VERY different just... sorta similar vibes lol)

anyway this is a very dark episode, both physically (it's set at night and i can't see a THING) and conceptually, but the way this combined the psychology elements with comedy is truly masterful!

7) 5.6 The Stakeout

ok so Funny Story about this one

i'd been on a big binge of in9 episodes a few years back and i got to this one and was about half way through when i realised i needed to take a break lol it didn't help that the episode itself is pretty slow burn, especially after watching some of the others that are a lot more fast paced lol... so basically, i paused it with the intention of returning in a few days or so except... then several years go by and i STILL hadn't seen the end of it pfft

anyway, finally watched it this year and it instantly got transported into my top 10 because that twist was SO iconic lol! it's so simple of a concept (steve and reece spend the entire time yapping in a police car) but it's so cleverly written!

6) 8.2 Mother's Ruin

i was a little bit surprised that this one had a lower rating than the rest of series 8 tbh? anyway i LOVED this one lol! the incense line make me laugh every time i hear it, and in general i loved the relationship between the brothers and everything surrounding their mother!

also as someone who recently watched the film reece was in called 'the cottage' (which also starred andy serkis), i can't help but think it was at least somewhat of an inspiration for this episode lol (they may have talked about this already btw but idk)

5) 7.6 Wise Owl

oof... this episode made me go Oof about 500 times after i watched it

it's a good oof... but it is an oof lol

i haven't rewatched it yet and i'm kinda nervous about doing it cos it did sorta emotionally devastate me lol

4) 4.3 Once Removed

in terms of how this story is told, i'd honestly say it was my ultimate favourite inside no 9 format! it's not something i've ever really seen before and it felt so interesting and built the story in such a unique way! also shout out to monica dolan (whose name i forget EVERY time idk why) who is honestly one of the best british actors ever yes i know i've said that about everyone on this list but shhhhhhhhhhh lol

also absolutely loved all the andrew lloyd webber stuff (which isn't a spoiler btw lol...)

3) 2.4 Cold Comfort

another one where i mentioned before that in Mulberry Close there's another episode with the concept of the story being exclusively filmed through cctv footage (deadline also does it but shhh)! i love that concept, especially with the multiple screens where you're constantly aware of things happening in the other booths which just keeps you on edge!

the reveal is super chilling and though i haven't rewatched it yet, i am honestly really excited to because i feel there were SO many things i missed on my first watch!

2) 4.2 Bernie Clifton's Dressing Room

oof part TWO lol... another one i haven't rewatched because it made me cry and i need at least another few months to recover from the first watch pfft... it is still funny btw! i think a lot of people talk about episodes like this and how sad they are, but it has a lot of great comedy in it which is i think part of why the emotionality hits so hard!

side note, i keep accidentally calling this 'bernie CLIFFORD'S dressing room' and i have no idea why lol... i don't think there's anyone called bernie clifford lol??? help?????

1) 3.5 Diddle Diddle Dumpling

trying to figure out my favourite episode was kinda hard, and i think any one of my top 15 could ultimately take this place, but honestly? rewatching this one i just was so overwhelmed with how beautifully crafted this episode is!

it also features my favourite performance by reece... a amazing combination of subtle moments with the bigger explosions of emotion, you instantly feel so much for his character tbh!

the twist isn't necessarily as shocking or intense as others, but there's something so heartbreaking when you realise it that changes the entire feeling of the episode... also mathew baynton is briefly there which i enjoyed lol!

i'm so sorry this post was so long lmao i'm sure no one will have read this far but if you HAVE then THANK you <3 i really love this show can u tell? WHY did it take me so long to get into it smh smh smh smh

anyway if you have read this far then let me know what your favourites were or just if you have general thoughts on my general thoughts u know? idk basically my ask box is always open if anyone wants to ramble about this show or whatever else lol

[ryuichirou]

I saw the spice 🌶🌶🌶 stuff on Twitter and lemme just say I love your art style.

I was wondering if there is a place to read the AU's you have?

And also what kind of Twst AU have you created?

Ahhh thank you so much! Extremely happy to hear that!

I post everything there is to know about our AUs here and on twitter, but there isn’t much: these AUs aren’t as thought out as, for example, our shingeki AUs; this is why we don’t even tag them. It’s more like having concepts we play around with, with the stories still being vague and pliable in our heads, even though we do have rough directions for them. That’s why we don’t really write long posts and descriptions for our twst AUs. I guess, just dropping random scenes based on our discussions of these AUs with little to no context is too much fun lol

We’ll probably have more AUs, we really love creating them, but for now we’re too focused on consuming all the canon stuff (vignettes, events, etc). But still, these are the AUs that we have for now:

AzuIde Marriage AU. This is the one we post the most.

Azul and Idia get married for convenience, and this marriage is indeed very convenient for both of them: Azul gets all the legal perks + a personal genius inventor who can easily bring him lots of profit; Idia gets to play videogames all day and not to do much else. He also doesn’t have to socialize at all: Azul does all the socializing for him, making presentations, networking, getting investors and such.

They’re amazed by how perfect their marriage turned out to be: both of them are very happy. Idia’s life is stress-free for once; he has all the time in the world for himself and indulges in games heavily, not worrying about having to communicate with anyone other than Ortho and his gaming buddy. Azul is doing his own thing, spending all days working, talking to rich people, doing shady stuff, expanding, expanding and expanding his business franchises. But the thing is, by enabling each other to live in this self-indulgent comfort zone and giving each other “that one thing that he craves”, they make each other the worst version of themselves. Idia becomes even more of a hermit; Azul becomes even more obsessive and unhinged.  This is why it’s a perfect marriage, but also a horrible one. It kind of depends on how you look at it, thus they are very happy in the funny strips, but the bad ending is still a thing that could happen. Actually, there could be more than one bad ending, some of them involve these two staying together lol

2. Prison AU. Pretty self-explanatory: some characters are the inmates, some characters are the guards. This AU kind of has multiple universes inside of it at this point lol, just because swapping characters’ roles is fun. The main “route” is inmate!Floyd/guard!Riddle though.

3. Catherine AU? Kind of. The one in which Idia takes the role of the main character of the said game (Vincent); Azul is his long-term boyfriend (Katherine) who wants him to get his shit together, find a better job, marry him and live together already; and Lilia is a mysterious cute-looking guy who seemingly just wants to be with Idia and have fun with him (Catherine). Hilarity ensues. I would’ve drawn more stuff for this AU if we remembered the game better, but still.

[gravegrime]

Poll Game Lore Results

Alright gang here's the lore for the poll I did yesterday! It's going to be a long one so buckle up lol

I ran the same poll over on twitter too with different results so if you want to know even more lore you can check that out over there too

💕LILIUM💕

Lilium's hyper positivity and caring nature is a direct result of her strange upbringing. As a "child of the kingdom" Lilium was raised under the watchful gaze of the All-Mother. An otherworldly being in her world I call an Abstraction. As well as guided by the hands of the All-Mother's servants, fathers.

A core tenant of the ideology is a strict adherence to simply positivity and an over emphasis on love and care.

Speaking of the All-Mother... She is also responsible for Lilium's lack of any face. Scooped that shit right out of her head when she was born as is tradition for all children in the kingdom.

It doesn't particularily bother Lilium as she's never known a world where she's had a face. To her, the gaping maw in her head is just as good!

There is a level of redundancy when it comes to the concept of friendship within the kingdom. They're all seen as each other's family so having external relationships on top of that is seen as unnecessary.

However, Lilium is particularily close to one individual in her town. Rose from Elsewhere. A kindly older gentleman who took Lilium under his wing when he discovered that she enjoyed writing.

She is appreciative of everything he teaches her, even if she doesn't always understand it right away! The two make a point to visit each other at the end of every work week in a small park to discuss ideas and learn about the lovely world around them.

You did hear that right, Lilium is in fact a writer! on a hobbiest level at least.

Her writings are very rudementary self-insert fables about princesses saving kingdoms and getting helpful advice from old wizards. I think we can cut her a little slack though given she's never really read a novel before. That's just not something they have access to in the kingdom.

Besides, these are very personal stories to her. They help her compartmentalize and understand thoughts and feelings frowned upon by the kingdom. Lilium would have no interest in sharing these stories with others. The very thought would have her "face" flush and her knees weaken for some reason that's hard for her to understand!

Another unfortunate down side of being raised in the kingdom is a deep lack of experience with anything close to lying or deception. To the point that Lilium doesn't even understand them as things anyone can do but only as evil sins commited by individuals with hate in their heart.

This results in her being blatant, almost horrifically, honest. She would tell her killer where to find the knives level of honesty because she simply doesn't understand why anyone would say something untrue.

She would love to figure out why someone might though! That's one thing that seperates Lilium from a lot of the other children of the kingdom, she's very curious.

She sees the world as an infinite source of love and wonder. Absolutely everything has some aspect to it that is lovely and should be nurtured and acknowledged! To find out the lovely parts isn't easy however and requires a keen eye and lots of questions. This driving force of her curiousity leads her to being a very kind, if not a bit frustrating, amatuer slueth looking for the good in the world.

👻CORNY👻

Before taking on the role of Kaspar's apprentice Corny would develop his own methods of dealing with the ghosts and spirits he would encounter.

One being if Corny found a ghost that was capable of communication he have it follow him to an old abandoned residence and stay there until he found out how to help them. Essentially collecting coherent ghosts in one spot to cut down on travel and maybe give them some much needed company.

Ultimately he wanted to help these ghosts but in the meantime maybe they'd at least to find comfort in each other!

Corny is a massive horror fan! He loves himself a good spook be it by show, movie, or game. Going so far as to study some of the stories he feels might be applicable in his own paranormal pursuits. Obviously to varying results lol

Some of his favorites would be akin to Poltergiest, The Shining, Silent Hill, and Fatal Frame!

💀LYNETTE💀

Lynette absolutely hates relying on other people for anything. There is almost nothing more distasteful to her than asking for help. Near the point of rathering to die than even consider calling the ambulance lol

This completely bull-headed approach to aid is a huge flaw of hers and something that's going to be quite harshly punished throughout the story. Lass has a lot of learnin' to do

Exhibit A! Lynette has never summoned a spirit for a contract before. In Grimm Deeds magic is preformed through ritual trades with spirits that bind the witch/wizard and the spirit together in a sense. This exchange grants the witch/wizard power while giving the spirit form. Lynette has never done this!

There is a much more difficult route for a magic user to cast that utilizes the caster's own soul instead of relying on the power of a spirit. This practices is much more difficult and takes A LOT of training to achieve comperable results to normal magic. This is the method Lynette uses instead severly kneecapping her own potential to avoid having to rely on another entity for her own power.

There are also some advantages to using your own soul for magic but I won't detail these here unless you guys have a question about it lol

Most of the time she is completely alone on the Necropolis, outside of her caretaker, but she doesn't count them. Her father, Kaspar, is extremely busy with being... the grimm reaper and everything and is unable to spend much time with her.

This isolation has led to some pretty sever social stunting and having any complex social interaction will often stun her as she tries to navigate it. For this reason Lynette often retreats back into self isolation even more. She hates the loneliness of it but there's a comfort in the familiarity.

If there is a silver lining to her loneliness it's her academic and hobbiest pursuits have florished with nothing else to do on her own. Her magic is an obvious example of this, having a far greater grasp on her abilities than any normal witch/wizard in training would.

Of course having a hyper magical being as a father to teach you a few tricks probably helps too.

But she has other skills as well! Lynette actually has a small passion for music and is able to play a sort of fantasy themed piano/organ as well as a strange looking violin!

She actually writes her own songs as well. They act as a form of journaling her feelings in a more abstract sense, Lynette would die of embarassment if she were to actually log her feelings in a way people would easily be able to understand them, and are often without lyrics.

No lyrics also makes her feel better because she feels she doesn't have a very good singing voice either.

On the academic side of things I don't think I have to mention how much she likes to read. Take a stroll through any artwork with her in it and she probably has her face buried in some form of literature. She loves it so much that her father turned almost TWO full walls into bookshelves for her! It's the one thing she does the most out of anything.

She mostly reads nonfiction as well. Biographies, textbooks, essays you name it she probably has read something similar. Many pertain to magic and the practice of it but a good amount are also about the various worlds in the Cosmos. She respects her father's wishes to not go exploring without him there to keep her safe and therefore lives an explorer's life vicariously through written world.

Unfortunately all this knowledge can't translate to real world experience. All her knowledge of how things work is almost completely theoretical.

She loves her fucking dad so goddamn much. Everything she does is for him. EVERYTHING IS FOR THAT BIG BEAUTIFUL MAN. She just wishes he could be here...

Lynette is very cold and holds herself very strongly but man is she fragile. A huge emphasis on strength and self sufficency acts as a bit of a complex for her to avoid having to deal with the fact that she's scared and that she's hurt.

There are a lot of reasons for this but I'll leave it at that for now >:)

🖤SHADE🖤

Shade has a pretty big family all things considered! A grandmother, two parents, and four other brother's and sisters that he's smack dab in the middle of. He loves them all dearly and makes sure to take breaks from his wanderlust to come back home and visit.

His family are actually quite supportive of his lifestyle, especially given his father's background, and always want to hear the stories of his magical adventures across the Cosmos!

Shade is not a bright boy. You could honestly say he's very much of an idiot, but he's an idiot in what I feel is the most charming way possible.

His head is never empty. Shade's mind is bursting with a million questions and observations. The quality of them is questionable is all! their either an insanely solid observation or the equivalent of a yahoo answers question and there is very little inbetween. He has no idea what a good or bad question is so he just asks them all! Making Shade one of the most interesting people to talk to possible lol

On top of already being very likeable with his laid back and open personality Shade is also insanely charismatic! He is an absolute accidental people pleaser able to make a lemon smile.

Full of worldly charm and experience Shade often wins people over with his adventerous stories, of which he has plenty, and good nature. He's one of those people you'd just want to sit down and listen to, no matter what he's saying.

[4th-make-quail]

Hello!

This is the anon who came to you about reading rpf and being embarrassed about it in general a few weeks ago.

I wanted to say a couple things. (All positive!)

Thank you for answering my ask, it meant a lot. You brought up a couple of points I hadn't considered but now do.

As per usual I am obsessed with your writing and eat it up pretty much every time you drop a new update

I love that we can all collectively agree what Eric and Assad have going on is pretty entertaining to watch, but I wanted to bring something up.

I can 100% see it if in some way, Eric is kinda like his mentor. Yes, they are besties, AND YES they are definitely feeding into the fandom, but I bet you Assad is learning so much from someone who's been doing what they do for a long long time. Have you SEEN the hype that Eric has been giving him on insta and Twitter? It just makes my chest hurt because Assad 100% deserves all the hype he gets. And I think Eric is the person to lead the charge. Im hoping that with everything going on, he gets the ego boost he soo deserves.

Anyways, thanks for reading my ramblings if you made it all the way to the bottom. Hope your feeling better!!

AW nonny, I'm so glad it helped you! It came shortly after I'd actually been thinking about some of your points actually, so it was a very well-timed ask! And thank you so much!! I'm definitely feeling better than I was haha 💚💚💚

Big agree with you here, I love to think about their mentor/mentee relationship too - especially since they're both super into theatre! Knowing that even Rolin said he was fanboyish about Eric's casting makes me feel like he's probably really respected as an actor and source of all these stories and knowledge of his craft, you know?

I absolutely love the hype Eric's been giving him too, it's just so SWEET!!! I'm unsure if it's as a response to that thread on twitter where one person was talking about the humility of UK POC actors, but even if it was it's still just too fucking cute.

All of this makes me think about a small scene where they're talking about acting techniques, maybe directing techniques too since I know Assad was doing that thing The Fox and the Grapes. I can always picture them super clearly getting into real intense discussions about their craft (I'm showing my lack of research/knowledge about acting stuff here I feel lol) and about different ways of approaching roles, learning lines etc etc. I just like to think about them hanging out and interacting and having so much fun together (in Prague!!!)!

Thank you for the ramblings nonny, it made my day that my answer before helped you! I love to receive any and all ramblings, so please do feel welcome to drop in my inbox any time (and that goes for anyone!)! 💚

[vitamango]

Oh! Hello there! Here's something different! A rare text post! I realize I interact very rarely here (and tbh interact very rarely on social media at all, in recent years) but I'm trying to figure out a nicer balance than just dead radio silence.

I guess, hi hello. I'm King -- I'm a nonbinary artist. I draw. I love video games and cute things. And I am trying to beat my anxiety over using social media back with a stick. I dunno how many of my followers are still active here, but regardless of whether you have found me recently or stuck with me for years, you guys really mean a lot to me. It's a really quiet little corner of the internet, but it's mine, and I find comfort in knowing that there's someone out there who was kind enough to take a moment out of their life to see my work.

I want to challenge myself to start posting a little more so I'm slowly posting some of my old art backlog, but maybe also just chattering mindlessly and finding comfort in blogging again.

Man, it's really been a while since I last posted a text post, huh. To be honest, somewhere in the last 2-5 years, I've developed some kind of crippling fear of being perceived and just kind of drop my art on social media like a cat dropping a dead mouse on someone's pillow for praise and just disappear back into the ether. I miss it, though! I miss interaction even if I'm not a particularly chatty person in blog form but, hell, it's a blog and it's silly to be worried about blogging... on a blog.

So here I am. I think part of the anxiety has stemmed from trying to slowly make the switch to twitter and there being so many unspoken rules of engagement on twitter that at some point it all just got all twisted up into a big ball of "well idk how to interact so I guess I won't!" and somehow that just kind of extended to pretty much every social media thing I have. It's kind of wild how hostile social media feels nowadays -- is it just me? I know I have a lot of anxiety but I hope someone out there relates!

Tumblr is a strange blogging platform, isn't it? It makes interacting with people kind of hoop-jumpy and difficult, and yet it still feels a lot more approachable than something like twitter in my opinion (my beloathed).

I've been considering making the jump to Cara seeing so many other artists do the same (and I have made an account), but to be honest, the idea of maintaining yet another social media account fills me with so much bone-deep exhaustion.

I've been really struggling with artblock recently and finding it difficult to find enjoyment in the hobby that I loved so much and has been so formative to me. It feels strangely alienating finding myself incapable of producing artwork the way I used to, but it's been a slow work in progress. Reviving my social media accounts is a step in some direction, honestly! Or at least, I'm hoping it will be.

Tangentially related, I don't draw a lot of fanart -- not because I'm not a fan of things but more because if I spend the energy on drawing, I often want to spend it on original creations (as the #1 and singular fan in that fandom LOL), but I always feel like I should do it more often -- mostly because it's such a delight to see other fans trickle in out of the woodwork. I think this every time in the rare occasions I do post fanwork, haha!

Anyways, I'm not actually expecting anyone to read this but if you did, hello! I hope you, specifically, (yes, you!!!) have the bestest of days! ;)

469th post on this blog, too. Nice.

[stanleyl]

noooo why are so many in the fandom so delulu like he did give a great performance and it's good to have some hope but we...

Is it delulu to be hopeful for Tom???? Even if you are right and let's say he has no chance, why are you so mad??? This industry is about connections, so him campaigning for an emmy allows him to talk to people he hasnt spoken to before. The best episode was 8, and if Tom is proud of his work on that episode and wants to campaign, let him be. Alit of ppl loved Barbie, whereas I thought it was boring, but it didn't stop Margot robbie campaigning it a whole yr despite it not winning any awards outside its box office.

the worst is in the scenario where he doesn't get a nom and fans make a big deal on twt further embarassing him/us...

I'm sorry, Anon, but maybe you are chronically online because how does him not get a nom a direct perception of you a fan? How are you feeling, secondhand embarrassment because of a few tweets from losers. Unless you are in the comparison wars that only exist on Twitter, that's the dumbest, main character opinion I've read in a while. Tom is doing what any actor does for their project. He's not the first actor to promote his show with low critical reviews, and trust me, he won't be the last. His performance as Danny was deeply grounded and amazing, and you are entitled to your opinion, but to call fans delulu for acknowledging his work is crazy I'm sorry.

Also Twitter is not real fucking life!!!! I'm sick of you fans that are on that app and then come here to cope becaue you saw a tweet that offended you from strangers online. I rarely have that experience because I pick and choose to care, and trust me, he's not the only actor to have projects that don't pan well. Paul Mescal had Foe come out last it was panned critically, but I didn't think his fandom online felt embarrassed because of it. They didn't internalised and then project . Paul also had all of us strangers and was filming gladiators next. He literally got that role because a casting director saw him on stage in A Streetcar named Desire. Filmtwitter loves him and yet he hasn't even achieved any boxoffice success yet...

Also, I don't think anyone cares unless you search for tweets about it. Maybe you are frustrated with Tom's pace of work and I can understand the frustration but at the end of the day, he's gonna do with his career what he wants to do, without any input from you, unless you have his number lol😭😭😭😭

Nobody is mad but you, sorry lol. The other person literally just said it's good to have some hope, but in this case we need to be more realistic, he was only nominated for a critics choice, he was snubbed twice after that. You're the one writing a whole essay for no reason. The "embarrassing" part is when fans keep crying and yelling how he was robbed, when it was never that deep.

And since you mentioned Paul...

He is an Academy Award nominee and has been recognized for being an indie darling in acclaimed projects. Why would his fans care about one single project with terrible reviews when their favorite isn't constantly being the target of comments about his career choices, how his agents are bad, people (including so-called journalists & 'critics') diminishing him to uplift others, and downplaying/trying to erase any career accomplishments he has achieved. Yeah, if I was a Paul fan, and I was chronically online, I wouldn't give two shits about Foe RT scores either 🤷🏽‍♀️. That was terrible example if you ask me.

[pluckysidekick]

OMG. We went 180 degrees from last week’s desert to this week’s paradise of riches in CW’s Nancy Drew land! We knew Larry Teng and the whole crew wouldn’t abandon us with the BTS content. After the seemingly epic filming of episode 6 when it was all quiet on the set last week, we’ve gotten hints from Kennedy and onset photos for Ep. 6, we’ve heard from exciting new ND writers, and saw some glimpses for Ep. 7 that’s filming right now. Let’s get into it!

I have to start with this incredible “team meeting” cast photo Kennedy posted in non-wardrobe from the Icarus Hall set. So happy to see them together, masks and all! Note Leah with her tablet, Maddison with her phone, Alex going old school with his yellow lined pad and pen, while Tunji and Kennedy are both like “I don’t need to write it down, I remember everything” 😂.

Larry shared twin pics from (presumably) the Ep. 6 set of the women and men of the Drew Crew, and they are perfection.

Nancy, Bess, and George having a heart to heart at the Claw is everything to me. I love these three together whether they are talking ghosts, relationships, career, family, or anything else. Also note the wardrobe, loving George’s yellow blazer and Docs especially. And of course, the Claw is closed, no customers as per usual!

Seeing Ace and Nick together in action is just…no words. Love their looks, love the intensity, just the best two characters together. Of course we’re wondering what’s going on - are they dumpster diving? We saw George and Bess in front of a burned out van back in Ep. 3 - is there a junkyard theme this season 😂?

Ace’s shirt looks a lot like the one he wears in 2x15 (Tom Swift episode), and it’s also a very similar (but slightly different) to two earlier looks, the cast photo from Ep. 2 and the early morning pickups photo from Ep. 3? 4? (some kind of blue/green button down and white T-shirt combo). Coincidence, or is there something else timey wimey going on with Ace? BTW if anyone from production is reading, we’d love to see a nice colorful old man shirt for Ace in one of the eps (also thank you for reading lol).

Speaking of Ace, Kennedy gave us another heart attack on Twitter this week when she gave an emoji hint for Ep. 6 that amounted to someone dying “a little.”

Since we know from Larry that Ep. 6 epic and special effects heavy, I wondered in an earlier post if the crew tries to break the curse in this one. Could things have gone wrong, with Ace being “mostly dead” (shout out to Carly for the perfect Princess Bride reference)? Did they trigger the curse instead, or deliberately try to flatline him like Nancy once thought about doing to George? Or can they somehow use the shroud to flatline Ace and George, revive them - and possibly switch bodies? The possibilities are endless.

Alex did show up for the Ep. 7 team meeting pictured above, so here’s hoping Ace recovers to be with his soulmate (and all that entails) for him and for us, e.g. we’re expecting great things that top that S3 finale dreamscape scene of Nancy and Ace!

So excited to see new writers working on ND this season! Lauren Andrea and Tiffany Irene both posted pics from the set and talked about how great the experience was. So important to see diverse representation in the writers’ room, and also love to hear about how awesome the whole cast and crew are on ND - it really shines through in every episode IMO. So happy for them, and can’t wait to see their words come to life in S4!

Onto a few early hints on Ep. 7. Maddison posted an IG story that Ep. 7 started this week (confirming Larry has a break while he preps Ep. 8, which we know he’s directing). Check out her cute white top from wardrobe hanging up in the closet. DP Nick Thomas posted some gorgeous, spooky photos to his stories from the Historical Society exterior. Are those Riley and Maddison’s stand-ins? Ace and George? Or some combo? Can’t wait to find out.

I may have broken Tumblr’s long post rules, but really hope you enjoyed the pics and speculation. I am almost done with Chapter 9 of The Space Between (S4 spec. fic), it will most likely go up next week. If you haven’t tried it already, I can promise lots of action, angst, and wackiness with the whole crew including meetings at the Claw, Ace and Nick bonding, Ace’s earring, and much more to help tide us over. See you soon, my guess is we get tons more content!

[lilyfreshwater]

I think. That what drives me the most crazy about all the assorted CCs that throw shade at Dream, or just in general have distanced either publicly or not… they don’t say anything. Which they aren’t obligated to, But really, with the numbers growing, it shouldn’t be that scary at this point? Just stand your ground on why you don’t like him. Charlie Slime especially just… after the CMC situation I just thought he’d have the balls for it. (I know it was different in terms of evidence and direct link, but still, snide grooming jokes don’t make anyone look good). It really for a lot of them looks like they don’t care about (alleged) victims at all and only did it because they knew they’d be crucified by their fans if they didn’t. I don’t know how to explain it. I guess it’s the lawyer in Quackity (he’s already proved how well he can say so much and nothing at all) that keeps him away from the public slander, but throw a dog a bone- damn. It’ll hit someone in the head and wake them up.

Anyway. Just found this side of tumblr today, was an infrequent KF lurker (MT situation drug me there, led to knowing too much disease early on, as much as I wish I didn’t know a lot of that personal stuff) and twitter makes my brain melt so I happily only see mostly studio Ghibli over there now with doses of Foolish and Tina (some Hannah and Sylvee). Maybe you have better perspective on this deeper in the trenches, or at least got a good laugh at me. Xxxx.

ok before i get into discussion i just want to say your phrasing throughout this is very witty and i enjoyed reading it lol.

but seriously charlie went fucking insane when the carson situation came out and i appreciated him soooooo much for that. i didnt expect much from the lunch club crowd with the amanda situation bc they probably figured it was someone else's responsibility (it was), but i definitely expected something from SOMEONE. there aren't even moderately sized ccs who have said something about the situation, much less dream's peers. that's why i'm personally fond of the NDA conspiracy theory, but ive hashed that out before and it's not really worth getting into again. either way, youre right that it just doesn't make sense that no one has ever said anything. i think our only hope at this point is to wait 5 years for someone to make an expose video

also, i hope you enjoy youre stay here! you seem to have pretty good takes and a good sense of humor so youre welcome in my inbox anytime. also i love studio ghibli movies so if you ever want to chat about that im so down