#if i ever made a video essay about anything it would be about this. so much material even in just the first 36 chapters

[kodirox]

this woman is making me SICK

[secretmellowblog]

People who try to analyze what happened on Tumblr on November 5th, 2020, often really overstate how much it was actually “about” Supernatural. As someone who has never been in the supernatural fandom ever but dID join in on the hysterical destielposting—it was really more about the stress of the pandemic and the 2020 presidential election.

The two biggest Youtubers I’ve seen try to dissect “what happened that November 5th” in video essays both weren’t American—- and I think that explains why they both tried to explain the hysteria primarily via analyzing the Supernatural fandom/the original show, rather than through the lens of the election. And while those videos are cool, valid, informational, and make lots of really well-considered interesting points— I can tell you that me and almost all my mutuals had literally no knowledge or interest in the fact that “oh supernatural had made nods at the ship in the past but the creators were adamant that I wouldn’t be canon” or etc etc etc etc. the first time I learned about any of that context was way later, watching videos where people claimed that fandom history context (that I did not know anything about) was the actual reason for the hysteria.

But the reality is that people latched on to the Destiel stuff because it was a piece of big useless inane zero-stakes fandom news in a time when we were desperately waiting for serious high stakes election news. We were latching onto a “positive “ piece of inane stupid fandom news in a time of great stress, with all the desperation of a drowning man who latches onto whatever piece of wood will keep him afloat.

The core of the hysteria was that Americans (who make up a huge chunk of tumblr’s userbase) were currently glued to their laptops watching the live presidential election vote counts come in. These vote counts were taking an extended amount of time due to the pandemic causing high numbers of mail-in ballots, resulting in a constant state of Election Day Stress for multiple days straight.

This was also during the height of the Pandemic. People had predicted Trump’s presidency would be bad; no one had predicted it would be this apocalyptically bad. No one had predicted pandemics and lockdowns and hospitals overflowing with bodybags. remember Trump spreading Covid lies and conspiracies?? There were so many Qanon conspiracies about democrats being Satanic child traffickers who had to be put to death, and coup threats were mounting from the right wing side. It seemed like this election was a choice between ‘centrist democrat’ and “apocalyptic right wing conspiracy theory authoritarianism,” in the midst of pandemic conditions that people feared would never ever improve— and it seemed like a close election.

Another major point was that Trump voters were more likely to be antimaskers/Covid deniers, while Biden voters were more likely to take the pandemic seriously— so Biden voters were more likely to send in mail-in ballots instead of risking the in-person voting crowds, which meant their ballots would take much longer to count. And so, in many state electoral vote counts, it would initially seem like Trump was very far in the lead— only for Biden to slooooowly build up an agonizingly small lead as the mail in ballots came in, and then defeat Trump at the very end.

So you’re just watching these news sites giving live election updates, refreshing the page every 2 minutes to see if you’re going to live under a spineless centrist democrat or a literal Qanon Dictatorship. And then you go on tumblr to distract yourself, and there’s more election posting, and more agonizing over the votes, and more stress and despair—-

And then it’s been days and we’re right at the crucial tipping point where it’s anyone’s game and the next few hours will determine whether Trump will win, so you need to keep your eye on the vote count, because the next hours will determine the future of the pandemic and your country and your plans for your entire life—

And then stupid Destiel becomes canon! And it becomes canon in the silliest way possible!

If Destiel had become canon at any other time, it would have been a big goofy tumblr celebration? But we wouldn’t have gotten the insane explosion of hysterical interaction.

The entire core of it was the contrast between the inane meaningless stupidity of fandom news vs the actual stressful election news you wanted to hear! It really is best conveyed in that meme where Castiel says “I love you” and Dean indifferently responds with a piece of important election news.

It’s about the contrast between the low-stakes inanity of fandom and the massive life-destroying stakes of a terrifying election. There really was no reason it had be Supernatural specifically, except that Supernatural was a thing everyone knew basic things about from dashboard osmosis— it could’ve been any other equally huge silly fandom ship news about a ship everyone *knew of* but might not necessarily be invested in (ex. Stucky becoming canon, Johnlock becoming canon, Kirk/Spock becoming more canon somehow, etc etc etc.)

I think it’s true that people who weren’t paying agonizingly close attention to the American election news got swept up in it, and that non American Supernatural fans also were extremely excited for purely fandom reasons — but the entire reason it blew up to an unprecedented degree was because of that core of stressed out terrified Americans glued to their computers watching election results and suddenly receiving stupid fandom news instead, and deciding to just hysterically parodically hyper-celebrate this absurd useless zero-stakes news.

I think it was also all elevated by the fact that, as I said before, this happened at the crucial “tipping point” of the election where the next few hours would determine the winner. The fact that Biden began to slowly develop a lead in the hours after made it feel, hysterically, as if the hours after Destiel became canon was somehow the turning point where he began to win; so celebrating Destiel felt like celebrating that slow turn towards victory.

The tl,dr is that it’s so important to Remember the Fifth of November …..in preparation the inevitable hysteria that will happen in the presidential election on November 5th of next year. XD. Personally I’m rooting for Johnlock or Frodo/Sam to somehow become canon in the eleventh hour right before the democrats win

[elexuscal]

So just over a year ago, I made a resolution to myself to get better at Fitness, since I was getting older and i knew if i didn't, the Consequences would begin to manifest. One problem? Historically i have always hated working out.

i knew there were two main reasons why: 1. lingering trauma from the usual Fat/Neurodivergent Kid Mistreated In PE Class Experience 2. oh my god it's so so so boring i would rather do anything more entertaining.

So. I'm not an expert, and i'm definitely not a professional fitness instructor, BUT i have genuinely come to not just tolerate but actually enjoy exercise this past year. So if these are any problems you personally have contended with, these strategies May Help.

One: Remove Barriers

a lot of flavours of neurodivergence struggle with switching between tasks and executive function generally, especially towards something you don't find fun. So first you gotta identify any barriers keeping you from exercising, and removing or mitigating them.

For me, a hurdle i recognised is that if I could not easily access the equipment, I was unlikely to use it. honestly if i couldn't see it i would probably forget it was there. So my first order of business was making a Work Out Zone. I unrolled my yoga mat and gave it a near-permanent place in my room. my weights came out of the closet and placed on a low shelf where i could easily access them, as did my resistance band. now they were always Right there.

I also realised something I detested was the general feeling of sweaty clothes, and in particular, having to change out of them. So Gross. so i started scheduling my work outs for in the the morning after breakfast or right before my nightly showers, aka: when I am changing in and out of my PJs. I'll do my routine (mostly) naked and not have to contend with the extra steps and laundry that sweaty clothes bring.

two: secondary entertainment

like i said: i found exercise very boring. and while i've gotten better over the past year, and can find it meditative, i still prefer having something else to catch my attention.

i used to like to put on video essays. but then i realised i was so often pausing my work outs because the particular video ended, or the pace got slow, or the topic turned to something dark and depressing out of nowhere and killed the vibe, so then i had to stop to find something else--

No. You need something that will keep you in the zone, and won't knock you out of it. I didn't used to listen to music much, but this year i took advantage of a Spotify subscription my sister gifted me (😔) and started just putting on upbeat rock, hip-hop, and pop mixes. it doesn't need to be my favouirte music ever it just needs to Keep Going.

i do find the loud, rhythmic music is really good for keeping my pace up, but if music doesn't do it for you, you might find audiobooks or autoplaying favourite old tv shows/sitcoms might scratch that itch.

Three: Find Other Motivators

Or, "if you can't make your own motivation, store bought is fine"

Gameification is really good here. You might be someone who'll benefit from a pedometer or step-counter app. I have a friend who swears by the Switch Ring-Fit, and I've also heard of folks who use games like Just Dance, Zombies, Run! and Beat Saber to rely on the sweet sweet endorphins generated by hitting a high score.

(BUT: do beware the dark side of gameification, which is the risk of demotivation if you don't hit your goals. For example, after doing GREAT on exceeding my step goal for a month, I got hit with COVID. For about a week and a half I was barely moving beyond the kitchen and back. My step counts plummeted, there was no way to edit the record out, and that made it harder to get back into the groove. Be mindful relying too much on gameification!)

Even outside of literal games, there are ways to scratch this itch. I used secondary objectives as a way to encourage me to keep up with my daily walks. Walking my roommate's dog when he was working long days is an obvious one, but we don't always have a furry friend at our disposal. Then I would rely on mini-challenges like, "pick up 10 cool rocks to paint", "fill this bag with wood for the fireplace", "take 10 pretty pictures", or "get to the corner store to get more milk".

And of course, consider team sports! Many folks I've talked to feel having set training/play times with a team that relies on them crucial to keep them on track!

Four: Don't Measure Success By Weight Loss

I know. I know. Easier said than done. It does not help that like 80% of workout resources online are going to mention this. but above all else, you must resist the beast. (and while not as dicey, measuring success by visible muscle gain can fall into a similar trap).

The biggest benefits to exercise are invisible. it improves cardiovascular health, brain function, tissue regeneration, immune system function, lung capacity, energy levels, literally our whole body. no matter what external changes your body does or doesn't go through, you're still going to be benefitting from exercise, and you do not want to get demotivated chasing unrealistic/irrelevant goals.

Instead, to track your progress, focus on questions like these:

How is exercise impacting my mood? Do I feel less stressed or anxious?

Am I sleeping better?

Is my balance improving?

Is my stamina increasing?

Am I becoming more flexible?

Can I lift/carry heavier weights?

Is my breath control improving?

Over the last year, I've seen marked improvements in all of these. My joints don't hurt as much; it's easier for me to to get up and move; I don't get winded as easily; I generally feel more relaxed and cheerful. Those are all amazing outcomes, and I hope that everyone on their own fitness journey can find the same joy there as I have.

[thatdeadaquarius]

Have some more language brainrot for your brainrot

Writer reader getting kind of insecure that even if they write something nobody will understand it, so when Al haithem askes you if he can keep a draft or two just for analyzing, there's hesitant agreement but ultimately you tell him to please burn the documents once he's done. They're too awkward to look at now...

Only he doesn't burn them, in fact he ends up recruiting several people close to the creator with knowledge of olden speak to analyze them. A funeral parlor consultant well known for his historical knowledge, a 500 year old shrine maiden who owns and runs her own publishing house, and a bard who somehow butted his way in on the project. None of them could resist the opportunity to witness the creator's sacred scriptures with their own eyes.

Needless to say, the papers ended up being fought over and have been making their rounds around your acolytes. It started with Ei, who insisted that as an archon she also should see the creator's work with her own eyes. Then once Ningguang found out, she ordered they be handed over to a team of literary analysts in order to be properly handled and deciphered. Things got really messy quick, but have luckily come to a halt as none of the acolytes want the creator to know their random writings are being fought over.

Especially when it comes to the creator's sullen additute. Their acolytes first have to convince their holiness that their inability to read and understand the creator's writing shouldn't prevent you from doing what you love. In fact... could they convince you to write some more?

WRITER OR READER WITH TALENTS HAS MY WHOLE HEART LIKE-

On one hand, same 💀 id be terrified for my all time fav skrunklies to see my bs

But at the same time i rlly wanna show them goddamit- THANK U FOR THE BRAIN FOOD IM RUNNING LAPS AROUND MY HOUSE THINKING ABT THIS-

Sun: Gender Neutral Reader (they/them), Writer!Reader

Planet: Language Shenanigans

Orbit: Scenario

Stars: Alhaitham mostly, some of Kaveh, mentions of other Sumeru characters

Comets & Meteors: Content Warnings: Insecure about craft/writing, anxious first pov (not serious),

& Trigger Warnings: Mild Negative self-talk, insecure perspective/reader “you”, possible anxiety depiction.

You were not a very confident writer.

This had been an avoidable feeling ever since you picked up a pen for the first time and were asked to write a story for school.

You were always anxious turning in essays, letting friends proofread them, anything that would expose your writing to more eyes, because you’d learned the hard way early on that as you get older and better at something, the stuff from the beginning… starts to look a lot different than you remember.

things you used to be proud of after having completed them in the moment, were something you struggled not to rip to shreds a year or two after you re-found it.

If it weren’t for other writers advising holding onto old work so you can see your progress over time, you’d have probably literally nothing older than one year on your ao3, wattpad, etc…

So when you had the fortunate luck (no it is not unfortunately, you are very happy to be here tbh) to fall headfirst into your video game you’ve been obsessed with lately,

You were not planning on showing them any of your writing.

Why would you, after all? You’ve got the weapons, the artifacts, everything they need to be more powerful. Why would you show them a silly little story you wrote? Fanfic or otherwise, not that theyll recognize any characters besides themselves, but still.

Alhaitham, bc ofc it was alhaitham, cocky, deviously aware bastard he is, caught you writing in your spare time first.

You’d gotten your hands on an old journal (if made you feel better than something completely new, a nice worn leather journal, sold at a secondhand shop from an old adventurer) and had started to write what you could remember about some of your ideas you’d had drafts for in your old world

After initially walking in on you writing in the House of Daena (it was the closest you could get to lofi girl, god u missed her lmao), you nearly jumped a foot in the air bc Haitham’s a nosy bitch and leaned over your shoulder and scared the absolute shit out of you, mans goes from asking politely, to begging you to let him read some of your writing over the course of 3 weeks (a month really)

Finally, after this 6 ft (about 180cm) man leans down one day (you’re sitting writing again), and gives you the most insanely good?? puppy dog eyes??? you’ve ever seen on a man???

you give in, revise a draft about 5 times in a row, lose sleep bc ur having a breakdown about alhaitham judging ur writing the night before you give him his copy-

and hand over a small short story for him to read. you specifically leave a little note not to judge you so hard for Haitham bc u werent used to people reading ur work/let alone someone as highly academic as him, ESPECIALLY since your speech is already so much more archaic than his/all of Teyvats-

His stupid green eyes with diamonds look into your soul (are they sparkling??) and he braces your shoulders after you give him his copy,

“Mine Greatest Guide, you hath deemed this one worthy of thy trust of your creations personally, I would be a fool to gaze upon it in jest. To take this work as anything less than a masterpiece in its infant stages.”

…you just leave him to it, and are nearly running out of there (u managed to be calm enough to just speedwalk),

and you make a point to not ask what he thought about it, or even bring it up at all

you’re kind of hoping he forgot tbh… and so nothing happens!

◇

Nothing happens… for 2 weeks after you gave Haitham a copy of your short story.

You still don’t know Alhaitham’s opinion when you see the advertisement, a sign saying something about, a new book? By YOU???

You nearly start a mob because the shopkeeper insisted you sign some copies, but you only signed a few before too many people overwhelmed you, and seeing it was that same draft- !! Oh god, you’d been agonizing over the spelling errors you’d missed when you gave it to Alhaitham, and now it’s just out there???

(luckily it seems the reviews are positive, but dammit you’ve been rereading ur story u gave him for days, and now ur positive it’s shit-)

You make a break for it, and are literally running (more like speed-walking after a while, since u got further away) thru Sumeru City:

you pass by the open patio of a restaurant, the scholars are heatedly discussing ur characterization-

you pass by Dehya, Candace, and Dunyazard, the merc is waving around a copy of ur book, the other two women look excited abt the conversation-

oh my god-

Nahida is relaxing in one of the many little gazebos thruout Sumeru, while Wanderer seems to be reading your story to her-

You fucking track down Alhaitham’s house like a bloodhound.

You are banging the infamous gay roommates’ front door, panting til ur throat burns raw.

“Yes, yes, alright, greetings to you too! I was simply visiting the Acting Grand Sage Alhaitham, tis why I’m here- Greatest Lord?!”

Kaveh is nearly jumps a foot in the air at the sight of you, but recovers, (you’re still not tho lmao)

and invites you in bc apparently, Alhaitham’s been meaning to talk to you about your draft you gave him!

Oh yeah, you’ve got some words to give Haitham after giving him that damn draft privately-

But when he sees you, the fucker just- smiles??

Like he’s done nothing wrong???

You’re about to tear into him when he speaks first to tell you the good news!

He grabs your hands at the table and gets down on one knee, ohhhh no.

Alhaitham is giving you those damn begging puppy dog eyes again.

“My Greatest Lord, Giver of Power, and Guide to All, your exquisite story has entranced all of Teyvat, might I please insist you write a sequel? It is an excellent literary piece to analyze… or perhaps, even better, share other stories you’ve written??”

…

….Motherfucker.

☆

Hello I’m alive! I just took a longer-than-usual break between posts from those last 2 mammoth pieces about gifts,

1: bc they were a lot to write in between writing other stuff like fanfics im already working on lol 2: I got busy with holidays and trying to apply to jobs!

Not that I’m still not doing that.. but you get what I mean!

Safe Travels Anon,

That being said, as you’ve probably noticed, I’ve made a kofi! so if you ever liked my writing (hot mess it is) and want to show me some love, feel free to leave a tip! :]

Iced coffee?? :0

💀♒

☆

♡the beloveds♡

@karmawonders / @0rah-s / @randomnatics / @glxssynarvi / @nexylaza / @genshin-impacts-me / @wholesomey-artist / @thedevioussmirk / @the-dumber-scaramouche

[sneezypeasy]

Why I Deliberately Avoided the "Colonizer" Argument in my Zutara Thesis - and Why I'll Continue to Avoid it Forever

This is a question that occasionally comes up under my Zutara video essay, because somehow in 2 hours worth of content I still didn't manage to address everything (lol.) But this argument specifically is one I made a point of avoiding entirely, and there are some slightly complicated reasons behind that. I figure I'll write them all out here.

From a surface-level perspective, Zuko's whole arc, his raison d'etre, is to be a de-colonizer. Zuko's redemption arc is kinda all about being a de-colonizer, and his redemption arc is probably like the most talked about plot point of ATLA, so from a basic media literacy standpoint, the whole argument is unsound in the first place, and on that basis alone I find it childish to even entertain as an argument worth engaging with, to be honest.

(At least one person in my comments pointed out that if any ship's "political implications" are problematic in some way, it really ought to be Maiko, as Mai herself is never shown or suggested to be a strong candidate for being a de-colonizing co-ruler alongside Zuko. If anything her attitudes towards lording over servants/underlings would make her… a less than suitable choice for this role, but I digress.)

But the reason I avoided rebutting this particular argument in my video goes deeper than that. From what I've observed of fandom discourse, I find that the colonizer argument is usually an attempt to smear the ship as "problematic" - i.e., this ship is an immoral dynamic, which would make it problematic to depict as canon (and by extension, if you ship it regardless, you're probably problematic yourself.)

And here is where I end up taking a stand that differentiates me from the more authoritarian sectors of fandom.

I'm not here to be the fandom morality police. When it comes to lit crit, I'm really just here to talk about good vs. bad writing. (And when I say "good", I mean structurally sound, thematically cohesive, etc; works that are well-written - I don't mean works that are morally virtuous. More on this in a minute.) So the whole colonizer angle isn't something I'm interested in discussing, for the same reason that I actually avoided discussing Katara "mothering" Aang or the "problematic" aspects of the Kataang ship (such as how he kissed her twice without her consent). My whole entire sections on "Kataang bad" or "Maiko bad" in my 2 hour video was specifically, "how are they written in a way that did a disservice to the story", and "how making them false leads would have created valuable meaning". I deliberately avoided making an argument that consisted purely of, "here's how Kataang/Maiko toxic and Zutara wholesome, hence Zutara superiority, the end".

Why am I not willing to be the fandom morality police? Two reasons:

I don't really have a refined take on these subjects anyway. Unless a piece of literature or art happens to touch on a particular issue that resonates with me personally, the moral value of art is something that doesn't usually spark my interest, so I rarely have much to say on it to begin with. On the whole "colonizer ship" subject specifically, other people who have more passion and knowledge than me on the topic can (and have) put their arguments into words far better than I ever could. I'm more than happy to defer to their take(s), because honestly, they can do these subjects justice in a way I can't. Passing the mic over to someone else is the most responsible thing I can do here, lol. But more importantly:

I reject the conflation of literary merit with moral virtue. It is my opinion that a good story well-told is not always, and does not have to be, a story free from moral vices/questionable themes. In my opinion, there are good problematic stories and bad "pure" stories and literally everything in between. To go one step further, I believe that there are ways that a romance can come off "icky", and then there are ways that it might actually be bad for the story, and meming/shitposting aside, the fact that these two things don't always neatly align is not only a truth I recognise about art but also one of those truths that makes art incredibly interesting to me! So on the one hand, I don't think it is either fair or accurate to conflate literary "goodness" with moral "goodness". On a more serious note, I not only find this type of conflation unfair/inaccurate, I also find it potentially dangerous - and this is why I am really critical of this mindset beyond just disagreeing with it factually. What I see is that people who espouse this rhetoric tend to encourage (or even personally engage in) wilful blindness one way or the other, because ultimately, viewing art through these lens ends up boxing all art into either "morally permissible" or "morally impermissible" categories, and shames anyone enjoying art in the "morally impermissible" box. Unfortunately, I see a lot of people responding to this by A) making excuses for art that they guiltily love despite its problematic elements and/or B) denying the value of any art that they are unable to defend as free from moral wickedness.

Now, I'm not saying that media shouldn't be critiqued on its moral virtue. I actually think morally critiquing art has its place, and assuming it's being done in good faith, it absolutely should be done, and probably even more often than it is now.

Because here's the truth: Sometimes, a story can be really good. Sometimes, you can have a genuinely amazing story with well developed characters and powerful themes that resonate deeply with anyone who reads it. Sometimes, a story can be all of these things - and still be problematic.*

(Or, sometimes a story can be all of those things, and still be written by a problematic author.)

That's why I say, when people conflate moral art with good art, they become blind to the possibility that the art they like being potentially immoral (or vice versa). If only "bad art" is immoral, how can the art that tells the story hitting all the right beats and with perfect rhythm and emotional depth, be ever problematic?

(And how can the art I love, be ever problematic?)

This is why I reject the idea that literary merit = moral virtue (or vice versa) - because I do care about holding art accountable. Even the art that is "good art". Actually, especially the art that is "good art". Especially the art that is well loved and respected and appreciated. The failure to distinguish literary critique from moral critique bothers me on a personal level because I think that conflating the two results in the detriment of both - the latter being the most concerning to me, actually.

So while I respect the inherent value of moral criticism, I'm really not a fan of any argument that presents moral criticism as equivalent to literary criticism, and I will call that out when I see it. And from what I've observed, a lot of the "but Zutara is a colonizer ship" tries to do exactly that, which is why I find it a dishonest and frankly harmful media analysis framework to begin with.

But even when it is done in good faith, moral criticism of art is also just something I personally am neither interested nor good at talking about, and I prefer to talk about the things that I am interested and good at talking about.

(And some people are genuinely good at tackling the moral side of things! I mean, I for one really enjoyed Lindsay Ellis's take on Rent contextualising it within the broader political landscape at the time to show how it's not the progressive queer story it might otherwise appear to be. Moral critique has value, and has its place, and there are definitely circumstances where it can lead to societal progress. Just because I'm not personally interested in addressing it doesn't mean nobody else can do it let alone that nobody else should do it, but also, just because it can and should be done, doesn't mean that it's the only "one true way" to approach lit crit by anyone ever. You know, sometimes... two things… can be true… at once?)

Anyway, if anyone reading this far has recognised that this is basically a variant of the proship vs. antiship debate, you're right, it is. And on that note, I'm just going to leave some links here. I've said about as much as I'm willing/able to say on this subject, but in case anyone is interested in delving deeper into the philosophy behind my convictions, including why I believe leftist authoritarian rhetoric is harmful, and why the whole "but it would be problematic in real life" is an anti-ship argument that doesn't always hold up to scrutiny, I highly recommend these posts/threads:

In general this blog is pretty solid; I agree with almost all of their takes - though they focus more specifically on fanfic/fanart than mainstream media, and I think quite a lot of their arguments are at least somewhat appropriate to extrapolate to mainstream media as well.

I also strongly recommend Bob Altemeyer's book "The Authoritarians" which the author, a verified giga chad, actually made free to download as a pdf, here. His work focuses primarily on right-wing authoritarians, but a lot of his research and conclusions are, you guessed it, applicable to left-wing authoritarians also.

And if you're an anti yourself, welp, you won't find support from me here. This is not an anti-ship safe space, sorrynotsorry 👆

In conclusion, honestly any "but Zutara is problematic" argument is one I'm likely to consider unsound to begin with, let alone the "Zutara is a colonizer ship" argument - but even if it wasn't, it's not something I'm interested in discussing, even if I recognise there are contexts where these discussions have value. I resent the idea that just because I have refined opinions on one aspect of a discussion means I must have (and be willing to preach) refined opinions on all aspects of said discussion. (I don't mean to sound reproachful here - actually the vast majority of the comments I get on my video/tumblr are really sweet and respectful, but I do get a handful of silly comments here and there and I'm at the point where I do feel like this is something worth saying.) Anyway, I'm quite happy to defer to other analysts who have the passion and knowledge to give complicated topics the justice they deserve. All I request is that care is taken not to conflate literary criticism with moral criticism to the detriment of both - and I think it's important to acknowledge when that is indeed happening. And respectfully, don't expect me to give my own take on the matter when other people are already willing and able to put their thoughts into words so much better than me. Peace ✌

*P.S. This works for real life too, by the way. There are people out there who are genuinely not only charming and likeable, but also generous, charitable and warm to the vast majority of the people they know. They may also be amazing at their work, and if they have a job that involves saving lives like firefighting or surgery or w.e, they may even be the reason dozens of people are still alive today. They may honestly do a lot of things you'd have to concede are "good" deeds.

They may be all of these things, and still be someone's abuser. 🙃

Two things can be true at once. It's important never to forget that.

[radiofreederry]

Dorothy's Top 5 Games of 2023

2023 was a remarkable year for gaming. The number of major, high-quality releases was truly astonishing, both in the AAA and indie scenes.

2023 was also the year I started leaning more into gaming as a hobby, beginning to do Twitch streams in April. Because of this, I thought I'd go through a few of the best games I played this year, and talk a bit about what made them so enjoyable. Consider this my "games of the year" list, like I know so many people are going to be doing this year.

My list is reflective of my own preferences and tastes; I tend to play a lot of RPGs, action-adventure games, and platformers, so you won't find a lot of fighting games or shooters in contention here. Feel free to comment or reblog with your own list - you don't have to write little essays about everything like I did, but it'd be fun if you did!

Honorable Mentions:

Pentiment (Obsidian Entertainment): Released in November 2022, but didn't play until this year. One of the most gripping and original RPGs I've ever played.

Persona 5 Royal (P-Studio): Released in October 2022 for Xbox, but I've been streaming it and having a lot of fun with @lakemojave and others.

Katamari Damacy Reroll (Namco): Released in 2018 for Switch, but played it for the first time this year and had a blast.

And now, the list proper.

Fifth Place: Hi-Fi Rush (Tango Gameworks)

There was a sort of game prevalent in the sixth generation of consoles which doesn't exist much anymore outside of the indie space. These were bold, bright, games which were unapologetically "video gamey," and wore their medium on their sleeve. Playing Hi-Fi Rush, I felt as if I was Anton Ego eating the titular dish in Ratatouille, and being transported back to that forgotten era of gaming. Hi-Fi Rush is stylish, hilarious, and deliriously fun, mixing the rhythm and action genres to create an experience unlike anything else currently on offer in gaming.

With addicting timing-based combat, a killer soundtrack featuring a suite of certified bangers (such as a cover of "Free Radicals" by the Flaming Lips, one of my favorite bands), and a delightful cast of colorful characters, Hi-Fi Rush carries the off-beat spirit of games like Jet Set Radio and Viewtiful Joe in its DNA, and had it been made 20 years ago, I do not doubt that it would have an animated adaptation airing on Kids WB.

By evoking the spirit of a bygone era while remaining utterly unique, and by virtue of its slick presentation and impossible-to-put-down gameplay, Hi-Fi Rush manages to punch far above its own weight and snag fifth place on my list.

Fourth Place: A Highland Song (Inkle)

A Highland Song came out of nowhere at the tail-end of the year and forced me to completely reevalute my game rankings. It is one of the most delightful and charming games I've ever had the chance to play, and has managed to do what I thought was impossible: create a roguelike experience that I actually want to see through to completion.

A Highland Song does this through its emotive embrace of the Scottish Highlands as a setting, with those ancient hills acting as both the main antagonist and a stalwart companion in main character Moira's journey to cross the mountains and reach her uncle's lighthouse by the First of May.

The Highlands are your dear friend. They will provide you food, shelter, and the tools you need to complete your journey. The Highlands are your worst enemy. They will deny you a safe haven when you're exhausted, out of energy, and being soaked through by torrential, bitterly-cold rain; they will give you tools long after you've passed the point where they would have been useful. The hills will preserve you. The hills will kill you.

It is in these contrasts that A Highland Song shines. It is a game about finding yourself, and pushing forward in the face of impossible adversity. There is an indescribable joy to spending days in-game exploring a section of the Highlands, trying to find the way forward, and finally running through one of the game's rhythm-based sections, triumphant Celtic folk music blaring in your ears as you finally find your way. All the while, Uncle Hamish's warm, fond recollections of Celtic folklore and Moira's descriptions of her family life make you want to push on, to learn more about this magical place and the people who inhabit it.

You will not make it to the sea in time in your first run through A Highland Song, nor likely your second or third. Yet each time Moira passes through the mountains, you learn more about them, become more familiar with the slopes and pathways that carve through these lands that are older than time. You will stumble, you will fall, and then, eventually, you will make it to the sea by Beltane.

Third Place: The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom (Nintendo EPD)

How do you follow up one of the most important and well-regarded games of the 2010s, improve almost everything about it, and even correct its flaws? Tears of the Kingdom manages that and then some. The direct sequel to 2017's Breath of the Wild, Tears of the Kingdom follows that game's version of series lead Link through a melancholy journey through a world ravaged by unnatural weather, blight, and time. Link is himself nearly torn apart by the corrupting influence of returning series antagonist Ganondorf (voiced in this installment in fine fashion by Matt Mercer), and the hastily replaced arm granted to him by the sage Rauru grants him new abilities, which replace and improve upon the ones he possessed in the last game.

With these new powers, the game becomes a truly open sandbox. Link is able to build almost anything with his Ultrahand ability, and the Fuse ability not only virtually eliminates the previous game's major flaw, its weapon durability system, by allowing the player to turn virtually any weapon top-tier by properly leveraging fusion materials, it also creates a resource management loop that discourages being stingy with strong resources - since they can be used to create very powerful weapons. Meanwhile, the Ascend and Recall abilities open new avenues in traversal and speed up exploration through Tear's of the Kingdom's massive map, which not only uses the previous game's world map as a base - with lots of altered and added locations to signify the passage of time, including a host of explorable caves - but more than doubles it by also adding floating islands in the sky and a dark, hostile undergound below.

The intense focus on exploration, not to mention some of the best dungeons and bosses in Zelda history, make this a game I had genuine trouble putting down at times as I sunk hundreds of hours into it, as I always felt like there was something new to find around the next corner, or some new treasure to find deep in the underground. Tears of the KIngdom is a masterclass in crafting an open world experience, and easily secures a spot in my top five. It only places so low on this list as a consequence of some blemishes on an otherwise extremely polished and technically impressive product - specifically its story and progression, which feels too much like retreading the structure of Breath of the Wild and not enough like it's blazing its own trail.

Second Place: Cyberpunk 2077 (CD Projekt Red)

Let's get this out of the way first: Cyberpunk 2077 originally released, infamously, in late 2020 in what was essenitally an unfinished state. However, with its 2.0 update that fundamentally restructures how the game is played, as well as the massive Phantom Liberty expansion dropping this year, I feel comfortable regarding this game as a 2023 release.

I didn't expect to have Cyberpunk 2077 on this list. I certainly didn't expect to see it so high on this list. And yet, here it is. I went in with almost no expectations, and came out with one of my favorite games of the year, and one of the most thoughtful RPGs of the decade. Cyberpunk 2077's great strengths lie in its richly detailed game world and its extremely strong writing, both of which impressed me beyond any preconceptions I may have had, especially given how the game originally launched as a broken, buggy mess.

Cyberpunk 2077's Night City is as fully realized a game world as I've ever seen, brimming with detail and things to both see and do. It is incredibly immersive, and I often found myself forgoing the game's fast travel system in order to simply cruise the moody, neon-soaked streets on my motorcycle as I sped from one gig to the next, taking in little details like the ethnic enclaves in different districts, or how infrastructure differed in poor areas compared to rich ones.

Cyberpunk 2077 tells a story about struggling against impossible odds, and finding hope and beauty in a hopeless and ugly world. In a future where capitalism's atomization and hyperindividualization rend the flesh of society at-large, the life of protagonist V is enriched through the human connections they are able to make as they race against time to save themselves from the biochip in their head eating away at their existence - a piece of technology stolen and then impulsively inserted during their first big job, a job taken in pursuit of the ephemeral and ambiguous glory that comes with being a legend of Night City. Their deteriorating condition throughout the game, and the ever-present acidic commentary of rockerboy Johnny Silverhand, serve as constant reminders of the folly of chasing such impermanent glory.

Whether it's Johnny's former bandmate Kerry, whose insecurities lead him to ostentatious acts of violence and destruction, or Judy, who has suffered loss after loss and desperately tries to find a situation she can control and someone who won't use or leave her, my journey as V centered around finding these connections, and using them not only to save V's life, but preserve her humanity. These themes carried through with the Phantom Liberty expansion, which explores such topics as freedom, survivor's guilt, and governmental corruption and exploitation, and features a delightful turn by Idris Elba as a weary government agent burdened by regret. There are plenty of bombastic setpieces, cleverly-written quests, and moments of intense action, but the things I think I'll always remember are quiet, intimate, human moments, from sitting with and comforting a girl whose girlfriend just killed herself, or meditating with a monk who has no ulterior motive but to bring V a rest in the midst of a grueling situation.

All that to say that while I had a lot of fun with the gameplay, the game world and the writing were what made me fall in love with Cyberpunk 2077, what will likely keep me coming back to the game on replay, and what landed it at number two on the list. The only reason it didn't end up at number one was because there's just one game I played this year which impressed me just that much more - and even then, it’s a thin margin.

First Place: Baldur's Gate 3 (Larian Studios)

Here I must confess not only have I never played the original Baldur's Gate games - early works by BioWare, a company whose work I generally respect - I had until this year never touched Dungeons and Dragons or any ancillary media. Total blind spot! Never even saw the movie this year! I'd played plenty of tabletop, but never any DnD.

What a treat, then, to be introduced to the world and mechanics of DnD through such a game as Baldur's Gate 3. This game glistens with careful and thoughtful design, and proves the vibrancy and potential that still remains in the classic CRPG style. Baldur's Gate 3's great strengths shine in two major areas, which I will go in more detail about now.

Firstly, the game offers a truly remarkable amount of freedom to the player in allowing them to resolve a situation in a myriad of ways, emulating the flexible nature of tabletop storytelling to an extent I've rarely seen in the video game medium. Want to defeat a boss that's giving you grief by running up to him and shoving him off a cliff? Sure, that works! Want to stealthily surround an enemy camp with explosive barrels and then cast fireball? Ok, go for it!

The other side of this coin is that the game permits a lot of flexibility in permitting the player to truly fuck up royally, while keeping the narrative going and not forcing them into a game over because they "played wrong." Took too long to save some gnomes from a cave-in? Too bad, they suffocated to death! Allowed an important NPC, whose spell was protecting a community from a curse, to be defeated in battle and captured? Tough luck, all those people have died a horrible, agonizing death! It's your fault! Now keep moving. In Baldur's Gate 3, all of your decisions, good or bad, have consequences, and you have to live with them.

Baldur's Gate 3's other great strength lies in its character writing. Every major character, and many minor characters, are written with such depth and nuance, with varied motivations, backstories, and moral alignments, which the player can both influence and be influenced by. Notable standouts include Astarion, the cynical vampire whose acid tongue is a defense mechanism to not let anyone get too close and who delights in thumbing his nose at others and seeking power for himself, but who can be guided towards a more empathetic and caring place; and Shadowheart, the cleric of the dark goddess Shar who finds herself torn between what she sees as her duty to her goddess and what she knows deep down to be the right thing to do.

Every character in Baldur's Gate 3 has a story to tell, and they're all good ones. That alone would land it on this list, but combined with the astonishing freedom it allows players and its infinite replayability rocket it to the top spot. Baldur's Gate 3 is my game of the year.

[davidtennantgenderenvy]

Things That Happened At Dallas Fan Expo Day One (P2)

I kept waving my bi flag at people when I liked their cosplays Lauren your autism is showing Jodie Whittaker called me darling oh my gosh she’s precious

I asked her what advice Thirteen and Beth would give each other! She said “never give up hope” and “cherish every moment you get” and I also complimented her on her singing which made her very happy

My first meeting with David was team photo op with Jodie and the second I saw him I kind of collapsed a bit a the next thing I knew he was kind of catching me and holding both my hands and looking me directly in the eyes just beaming down on me the kindest, crinkliest, most sincere smile I’ve seen in my entire life and for all of 20 seconds I felt like the specialest person on the face of the planet

at some point I said “hi I’m Merlin’s girlfriend!!!” And he’s like “oh that’s wonderful!” and then this absolute dork just says “WELL DONE TEAM” David Tennant the man shaped being you are

it was so fun after the photo was taken seeing other people who were doing and about to do the same thing and also going insane and being like “I KNOW RIGHT” like the effect he has on people is unparalleled

met a few tumblr mutuals and people who’ve seen the video essay which was just so cool, thank you so much to everyone i got to see!

things started to go a bit downhill around late afternoon, David’s stuff got incredibly behind which resulted in Jodie’s solo op being incredibly behind, luckily there were loads of lovely nerds to chat with like I’ve never been in a room where this many people are this insane about the same dude

when we FINALLY got in line for David’s autograph he took forever to show up and god bless his poor sweet heart I have no clue how he ever got through all of those people there had to be like a thousand, all of whom stayed after the con had technically closed just to see him. Unfortunately he really couldn’t take his time like he wanted to which meant the questions I had meticulously planned ended up being completely useless and when it was my turn I was a stammering bedraggled mess and the poor thing was too confused to say more than two words at a time and then before I could ask him anything else I was shooed away before I even could process it happened

obviously I was very sadwetpathetic afterwards and my feet were KILLING ME but it’s okay, I get another shot tomorrow! And of course I have to commend David for his incomparable generosity, he is a DIAMOND for staying so long even after the con closed to make sure everyone could get what they paid for.

oh and I kissed my boyfriend for the first time :))) @elsinore-and-inverness

[menlove]

Honestly, getting into the Beatles made me see how little we actually know about history in general. For most of time, you have like 1-2 sources and you take their word for granted. And then you have the Beatles, the band itself made out of unreliable narrators, you have Paul who decides in every interview what his current truth looks like, you have John who sometimes changed his mind after each sentence. We have so many sources, we actually should know what happened, but we honestly don't! It's making me crazy for sure

welcome to my worlddddd 😭

like genuinely and literally...... yeah. because like. compared to a lot of aspects of history, we really do have an insane amount of sources and lore on the beatles. two of them are still ALIVE and so are many many MANY primary sources on their history. and yet we Still don't know a lot and have conflicting accounts of soooo so so many things

history is a Lot less concrete than people would like. it's extremely, EXTREMELY subjective and always filtered through the historian's bias no matter how carefully we try and represent the objective truth (or not! many historians distinctly do Not even pretend to go for objectivity)

which is why I find it a Bit silly when anyone tries to pretend they're above subjectivity like.....oh baby NO ONE knows what happened with literally anything ever. even with things where we have video that show events exactly as they occurred, just as important is everything behind the scenes and the stories of each and every person involved...... which will inevitably be Riddled with contradiction and confusion and people misremembering

like genuinely I have more primary sources to support mclennon than I've had on academic essays and I STILL can't say with anywhere near certainty that they were in queer love. I mean, I believe that, but it's still just an interpretation

history is fun! but it's more art than science

[doublel27]

I’ve been thinking about Moo’s very publicly r video essay ever since @petrichoraline and I were talking about Moo’s very public declaration of his relationship here and the irony is if no one had said anything to Moo there’s a chance he wouldn’t have done anything.

In episode 8, Neth and Kang had already convinced him he might need to be quiet about their relationship. Kang and Moo agreed that “as long as we know” it doesn’t matter what other people do or don’t know.

And I think it was even worse for Moo because the dance video wasn’t a declaration of anything. That’s what he states before making the Kang fan edit. The video he was asked to delete was simply just boys dancing. And as an idol, he’s gonna be dancing on stage with a lot of boys. He’s probably already posted clips with Tae and Yos as well.

And sure it’s different because Kang isn’t also out here trying to be a dancer and he is Moo’s boyfriend. But a lot of what he was being asked to tone down were things that were what Moo considers normal. And I think that’s what made him so angry when everyone asked him to take the video down. Shone and Moo’s mom didn’t know they were boyfriends from that clip. To Moo’s point that wasn’t an announcement.

And as @luthienmpl points out here it’s not like Moo didn’t very publicly court Kang at school where everyone knows he’s written Kang a song and sang it over the intercom and gave away food for people who congratulated them on being boyfriends. There’s information out there.

Moo got mad at the idea he would have to lie. And everyone was insisting they weren’t asking him to lie, but to not share. To Moo, who if the thought is in his head it’s out of his mouth, omitting facts, deleting posts because of how someone might interpret it even if it’s not explicit what the video is of, to cut parts of himself off, well that’s a lie. After being pushed too far by the repeated requests by others to be less, he snapped with the very loud video of l not only do I have a boyfriend but let me tell you all about him and why he’s perfect.

With the preview showing that the contract is going to say expressly no relationships and Moo’s determination to not lie and Kang being the bluest boy (who tend to be martyrs….I am very curious where Only Boo is going with this story. As I am curious where Thame Po will take this story as they’re doing a similar line.

Another show with a similar storyline from GMM, Be My Favorite just dropped in 2023 and I adored it, but they took a particular stance on this conundrum. You should watch it, but spoilers…in one of the futures Kawi makes for himself, he ends up an idol and is at first delighted to find himself living what he thought was an impossible dream. But it’s quickly clear that he is miserable, drinking. He had gotten his dream girl Pear, but she left him because he wouldn’t marry her and start a family. As an idol, he couldn’t, or wouldn’t, give her the time, attention, and public commitment she was looking for. We also find out that Piesang disappeared around the same time. It’s heavily implied after Kawi chases Piesang and kisses him drunkenly, that Kawi probably did something similar after Pear left as Piesang says “You cannot keep doing this.” (They’d had a similar moment in episode six but this made it feel like we had a bigger pattern and explained his absence)

In the final future, Kawi is happily a songwriter, making songs for other people to sing. It’s the future Kawi chose knowing where the idol path sent him. Piesang even questions him on it. He asks Kawi if he gave up on those dreams because of Piesang and Piesang offers to hide if that’s what it takes. Kawi, thanks to the power of time travel, tells Piesang he’s absolutely certain he couldn’t be happier if he traveled that path. Only misery lies that way. Kawi’s whole lesson though is about making choices in the moment that spark joy rather than letting fear or jealousy lead your choices and living a life that makes you truly happy.

Only Boo, of course, is a very different show with a very different lead. Moo is 1000 times more confident and certain than Kawi ever could hope to be. He knows what he wants and while everyone sees them as two disparate pictures, Moo sees them fully integrated. He’s also a much younger character, just out of high school and has yet to face the reality of what it means to be an idol beyond getting to do the things he loves most and feels confident about.

Thame-Po will take us somewhere entirely different with an idol at the peak of their game who signed their right to a personal life away at a much younger age.

So when confronted with a contract that explicitly says you cannot date and Moo, who has no interest in lies of omission or hiding his boyfriend, and is in fact highly reactionary to people insisting he delete rather innocuous posts incase someone wants to speculate…I am very interested in the choices that will get written in here.

It is especially interesting considering the the litany of drama that has come out of highly entitled fan reactions to social media posts and in some cases leaked videos of Thai artists in their own home. Sure, everyone is trying to “protect” Moo in theory, but entitled fans will be entitled whether you hide your personal life entirely or not. These types of fans seem to exist across fandoms of many types and with a level of wild inappropriateness regardless of how open or closed a celebrity is to others. If they post too much with someone that’s a sign. If they avoid posting with someone that’s a sign. Like…there’s no winning.

And to that point, what is the takeaway going to be for Moo as he is faced with a moral dilemma and the two things he wants most in conflict? And what is the messaging going to be from Only Boo/GMM about young idols and talent (as the two leads of this show are) and their rights to their own lives? And are we gonna talk about the extra layer of homophobia of it all or because the fact that even straight relationships seem to be a PR nightmare for some talent, that GMM/Only Boo is content to leave it ambiguous for now?

[souryogurt64]

srry if the answer to this is just like "the fobbi hates women and anything remotely negative abt pete" but why do u think they took down the secondhand copies of Gray and the cover on amazon and sources u used after your essay? ur essay was so flattering to gray? its just so weird sorry im not good at critical thinking ngl

I DONT KNOW that’s why it’s so weird!!! It was such a weird and extreme and offputting thing to do. I cant even think of any specific thing I said that could trigger that reaction because it is SO bizarre. If I had to guess it would be because the subject matter is so terrible, even in ways I dont address in my essay, and I make a very compelling case it is fact based. Or just the emotional reaction to it was very visceral.

Also, its not just that the cover art and secondhand copies randomly disappeared right after my essay so I assume it must be because of me. There is other strong circumstantial evidence to indicate the stuff with the book occurred that I would prefer not to talk about.

Given the extremity of this incident, and how outrageous it is to remove the cover art and secondhand copies, I don’t think it’s unreasonable to suggest that other sources linked in my essays that got taken down around the same time were related to this. It’s not just that the occasional article or YouTube video disappears. It was a ton of stuff along with other bizarre and inexplicable coincidences in a short window of time.

Like yeah, some videos got taken down like the only interview where he talks about his book. But it was stuff way more involved than that too. Like someone filled out a 2 page form on the Vimeo website with a name address and phone number claiming they were the direct copyright holder to get a fancam of Goodnight Moon I made in 11th grade taken down after I linked to my Vimeo account in the bibliography of a video essay.

Someone in Chicago who did not frequently visit my blog with that device spent 3 days going through 1,270+ pages of my blog searching dozens of term combinations looking to see if I’ve ever posted about Pete’s mother. In addition to the suspect location, this is a massive anomaly both in terms of activity on my blog, as well as stuff the fandom cares about.

Brendon Urie’s dumb lawsuit was taken out of the LA court portal after I referenced it in my Brent Wilson essay. An article about Kenny Harris’ sexual misconduct allegations was removed after that essay too. Several different copies of screenshots of Tweets from Ian and Breezy complaining about Brendon were taken down after the publication of that essay. After Pete’s friend posted another essay I wrote on his Instagram story, scans I linked in it disappeared and the band started selling an edited copy with that quote removed a few months later. Etc. The MTV website was extremely broken so it’s possible these were coincidental, but a number of suspicious articles and videos were regularly disappearing too.

ALSO. I wrote a 50 page essay about SWMRS/Burger that was extremely negative towards many bands and reached way higher visibility, and absolutely nothing happened with that and no sources were taken down. Same with a 20 page MCR lyrical analysis essay. If these things happened randomly all the time, it would’ve happened with the sources linked in those essays too.

All of these things, in combination with the strong circumstantial evidence surrounding his book getting half-pulled off the market after of my essay, were not all a string of random unrelated coincidences and I secretly have undiagnosed schizophrenia or whatever.

When you consider the *objective facts* of this situation, such as Pete’s friend posting about my essay on social media around the time this stuff occurred, it is way more likely the essays made it onto his radar and like The FOB Surveillance State (jk) did not approve or whatever. Some of these things may be coincidences, but taking all of the evidence into account, it becomes unlikely that this is all random and I’m crazy.

Also, it’s not like him finding these just randomly happened. I made it happen. It’s really embarrassing to say this, it feels very childish now, and IDK what the point of this was, but starting when I was a literal teenager I put a lot of work and made a lot of purposeful decisions over a period of years to get the bandom essays noticed. This included interviewing several artists he and his friends signed or followed on social media, putting several people who are not famous in the essays, fostering cats for his friend and applying to work there, et cetera. All of this was genuine, but it was also intentional.

Other people (such as UNEMPLOYED Brand New fans) have been able to do the same thing and leverage amateur projects like this to interview the band or write a book or whatever.

And like whatever, if I’m a shitty talentless writer and am just not picked that’s fine. But also like, I don’t want to continue liking these bands when I have plenty of reason to believe their management or whatever are going through my essays to take down sources and also try to “takesies backsies” Pete’s stupid book about calling his ex a bitch and degrading all the women he’s slept with because of my very positive and respectful fanwork about it.

Especially when they’re also handing out book deals and interviews like candy to untalented unemployed dudes with insane passion projects that “just so happen” to talk about how Brand New are victims of cancel culture and Hayley Williams is a misandrist bitch and Pete Wentz threw the first brick at feminist Stonewall. Like it’s just not something that makes me happy anymore and I’m embarrassed and disgusted I ever thought it was cool.

TRIPLE ESPECIALLY when they are also aggressively pushing gross creepy daddy kink music and claiming it’s because they support women’s free speech. And going through Twitter indirects to call anyone who has a problem with it sexist because you should “let women say what they want.” But not me clearly!!! Not female fans who engage intelligently with the culture and history. Thats for the grown-up anti-cancel-culture dudes only. The only free speech for female fans is “daddy spit on my pussy!!”

Also everyone wants to like Destroy Me With Facts And Logic or whatever and tell me it’s okay and not wrong and I’m being irrational and crazy and argue if it is Morally Acceptable for an artist to do this. but like. If you were in my position. Even everything else aside, just the position of putting so much effort and care into a very positive and respectful fanwork and then you have reason to believe the creator somehow found your essay and attempted to remove the book from circulation afterwards. Like would you want to keep being a fan? Do you think they want you to be a fan? NO!!

Then if you tried to be like “Hey it really bothered me on a personal level I think this happened” and their insane fans started camping out in your inbox calling you “schizophrenic” “a bitch” “racist” “delusional” etc over it for months. Would you keep enjoying the band. NO!! Probably not. Especially when the band’s entourage encourages this type of behavior by putting individual fans who talk about misogyny on blast so they will get cyberbullied.

Like this entire thing started because I made a joke text post about “Dictator Wentz” 3 months ago and a specific clique of deranged FOB fans (coincidentally, right around when the bands entourage started encouraging fans to cyberbully people who discuss their history of misogyny) started camping out on my blog to complain and call me a pathetic schizo bitch every time I posted about ANYTHING. Like it’s really really embarrassing to live life knowing that PW reacted so badly to my essay specifically.

I didnt talk about how I felt or what I suspected happened for a long time because I was scared of someone specific seeing it or other fans getting mad and calling me crazy (WHICH HAPPENED). But like I dont like pretending either and these feelings didnt go away and eventually when the band stopped being as active I felt ready to post about it.

And I cant even joke harmlessly about it without gaggles of his weird fans being like “Ummmm you’re a bitch and targeting the only POC in music…. unless you have schizophrenia that seems sus!!!” like WHAT???? does that have to do with anything I said. And also literally WHOOOO CARES. Anyway I am trying to move on with my life now

[ghostflowerhotpotch]

Miguel's is wrong about how Canon works and here is why

I STILL can't get over how this guy says this entire thing, and SOMEHOW, doesn't realize of the glaring hole in his logic.

Now, if you are familiar with my blog, you had probably seen this post before; I had written about this in different essays, however I realized I don't have THE post dedicated exclusively to why Miguel is wrong about this, especially since a few arguments are different places, so I decided to do one for simplicity sake. I will include some small things that may be new, but really don't add much in the big scheme of things.

If you aren't familiar with my content and you think Miguel is right, I invite to read this post, and if by the end you still think he is right and I am in the wrong, please reblog with your arguments. I love discussing these things.

Let's go!

Did you catch the issue yet?

Here is the thing: How a canon event can happen if the person who caused it wasn't supposed to be there?

Miguel is blaming the hole on Miles, saying that it happened because it disrupted the canon event; yet what caused the canon event?

Spot. He did it.

However-

Spot isn't Pavitr's nemesis, he doesn't even give CARE about Pavitr.

And to top it all off-

The existence of Spot himself is supposed to be an anomaly, Miguel even says how none of this would had happened; including the canon incident that Miles allegedly interrupted.

This is why it doesn't make sense.

Spot is not the arch-nemesis of Pavitr, Spot didn't even want to talk to Pavitr and was mostly ignoring anyone who wasn't Miles. And again, MIGUEL SAYS HOW SPOT SHOULDN'T have EXISTED REGARDLESS.

How come Captain Singh was supposed to die in that bridge, if this wasn't the fight he is suppose to kick said event?

Because remember, Miguel says it needs to be a battle against an arch-nemesis too; meaning that if this needed to happen today, THE CANON EVENT WAS ALREADY DISRUPTED BECAUSE THE WRONG PERSON DID IT.

If anything, Miles should had been doing exactly what he did, because if Captain Singh needed to die while Pavitr was battling against and arch-nemesis, Captain Singh dying NOW means that can't happen.

"BUT THERE IS A BLACK HOLE BECAUSE MILES SAVED THE CAPTAIN!"

No, that thing literally happen before we ever saw the Captain.

Let's recapitulate what is going on in these images. The explosion created this black matter that is slowly growing and absorbing the building, and then on the spot where building fell, instead of the building, there is a black hole that is doing the exact thing as the dark matter was doing, absorbing the material it touches.

There is no way in hell I am not thinking these two things aren't the same thing; it wouldn't make sense to have that black matter absorbing the building, and then magically disappear, just to have the black hole from the "interrupted canon event."

"But Lyla said it detected a canon event!"

Oh this is the part I haven't made a comment about, I can't say is 100% a rebuttal but it makes me laugh.

"Markers are predicting a canon event."

What Lyla (or whatever system Miguel has) is detecting, is the fact that Captain Singh is in danger, that's what Lyla is picking up.

However, is only picking on the fact that Captain Singh is in danger, not on the fact that this isn't a fight between Pavitr and his Arch-Nemesis; or how arguably the fact this is happening when the battle is done could count as an anomaly too.

This thing is working EXACTLY like AI and is making me cackle so hard.

For those who don't know, computers are stupid, extremely stupid; every time you are surprised a computer picked on something, that's because a human was behind to program to detect those things.

If you ever fear the idea of "Computers taking over the world," take a few programming classes, or just try to code yourself from youtube videos. You tell a phrase to a human, and even if you miss a word or something, chances are the person can still understand what you are trying to say; you miss one letter while coding, and the computer has a meltdown.

Miguel most probably made the data with things that seems to align with "canon events", and have Lyla detect whatever seems to resemble any of those models.

So basically, this works as well as Youtube's algorithm, in which you could see a video talking about how a show is trash and fails in several points, and then in your recommendations appears videos of people praising the show; because the only thing it picked on was the show and that was it.

"But Miguel says how the universe he was got destroyed for defying canon!"

Here is my problem with that, none of the examples Miguel has about an "universe breaking for breaking canon" look the same.

Let's break it down.

Miguel's second universe: Things glitch briefly before they start crumbling and disappear entirely.

Pavtir's universe after the Spot: Hole starts sinking an entire building and it is led to believe more can be dragged.

Miles's universe in ITSV: Things glitch, that's it, in other instances is shown to have other things to take it's place, but that's about it.

None of these behave the same, which would be weird if these ones were all truly, all breaking apart because canon was broken; shouldn't it all behave the same is they broke for all of them defying it's canon?

Yet what a coincidence that none of this looks so weird once you put context behind it.

Pavitr's universe is being swallowed by a hole just after the guy who creates holes and wants to open some more became a multidimensional monster thanks to a big Collider who of course can magnify the Spot's effect.

And Miles universe ONLY glitches when someone is messing up with the Collider.

Watch ITSV again, tell me one, ONE instance when the universe seems to be falling apart that isn't explained by Kingpin activating the Collider. Or do me one better, show me one time the Universe seems to glitching when something that "isn't canon" is happening.

The only universe I don't have an explanation from, is the universe where we DON'T see what happened, and instead we are told by the same guy who is making this entire theory.

What a coincidence, huh?

There is technically more I could bring to the table (Miguel saying is Miles's fault this is happening being astronomically stupid; on the fact that Spot exists and has multiple spiders but Miles universe is still fine) but for now I think this is enough.

If anyone can think anything that I may have missed, please reblog with said comment; I had learned a lot of things by rebutting people before.

Don't get me wrong, I could be wrong! I am not above thinking I may be missing something or mess up, but so far the right person to do so hasn't appeared.

BONUS: Miguel is just doing his best!

I had repeated this a lot of times, but I am still fairly angry about it, so let me repeat it again.

Wanting to do your best, or being traumatized, doesn't excuse the harm you do to others. The more damage you do, the least you can excuse said actions.

Miguel is so focused on his martyr complex he cannot notice an incongruity as he is explaining the problem to Miles. The audience not catching onto this makes sense, but Miguel? You have an idea, how astronomically bad it is that you are letting the faith of the multi-verse at risk because you are so traumatized you cannot see what's in front of you?

Here is my take on all of this: Miguel's focuses more about his own pain than the multiverse, why? Because if that wasn't the case, he would had caught on the mistakes a while ago.

The fact that he is so hurt that he refuses to see things another way, or think another possibilities, is putting the multiverse in danger.

Is thinking that Pavitr's universe may fall apart because a guy didn't die instead of investigating how the dark matter works and how to stop it.

Is saying Miles is at fault for being bitten, despite the Spot being the one to bring the spiders, and still has multiple of them.

Is the fact that he is letting people suffer by making people live horrible tragedies, that if I am as right as I think am about this, could had been avoided.

I had seen people who were abused go out to abuse others, I had seen people excuse horrible behaviour because they had a bad childhood or were stress out; as if that means is okay to continue with the cycle.

And I don't tolerate that shit.

Sorry ending it with that, this is a topic that really drives me up the wall.

Thank you for anyone who came along in this ready! As always if you have the chance please support my ko-fi, and if you can’t, please share this post around!

[tavyliasin]

A gift, from Tavylia and the Dear Abdirak fans who made this happen, and of course the star of the show himself~

Hello darlings, dear ones, and sinners all~ This cameo is our gift, for all of us who know pain a little too intimately. Written and joint funded by Abdirak fans and Lia, to provide some measure of comfort. Please, enjoy, know you are heard, you are loved, and you are never alone when enduring the most intense of Loviatar's affections. (And all my gratitude to Declan for making this so very swiftly right before going offline for his holiday)

--- The script, including content there was no space for, and some more notes from Lia, will follow after the cut~ This one is clean, no NSFW content, so feel free to proceed at your leisure. For those new here, please be aware that the majority of my content is around NSFW writing with a few art shares and essays on fandom things. Welcome, and I hope you enjoy your stay even if you're only here for this one video.

About The Script

Even with the additional payment, the maximum character limit in a request is 650. My original draft? 1117. We got out the knives, we cut it up, we boiled it down to the most pertinent line, and still had to defenestrate some of the punctuation. Far be it from me to ever know the meaning of brevity, loves, simply not in my extensive vocabulary. I also cannot thank Declan enough for the stunning performance, both in the game and in the cameo, and for giving us a character who we can relate to and adore in so many unexpected ways.

The Script We Sent

[greeting] Loviatar Maiden of Pain felt the echo of your pain singing through infinite realities. In her mercy, she has allowed us to speak. Agony is a cloak that you wear, armour you cannot remove, it is as bound to you as the guilt you feel for its very presence. I might envy you, but you did not choose this path. Your penitence is unnecessary. Let go, dear one, do not punish yourself further. The ebb and flow of exquisite torment, the rise & fall of the tides, you need not try so hard to swim. Breathe. Whether it is of the flesh or mind, your devotions have been heard. [reminder to share burdens/rely on each other/not alone/anything else]

The Original Draft Script

Greetings, Dear Ones, beloved of Loviatar - perhaps too beloved, in your case… Your pain sang through the fabric of the planes of infinite realities, catching and pulling at the Weave like a loose thread. My Goddess, the Maiden of Pain, she felt your echo through her web. Through her mercy, she has allowed me to speak with you. Agony is a cloak that you wear, an armour you cannot remove, it is as bound to you as the guilt you feel for its very presence. I might envy you…but you did not choose this path. Your penitence is not necessary. Let it go, dear one, do not punish yourself further. The ebb and flow of exquisite torment, the rise and fall of the tides, you need not try so hard to swim through them all. Breathe, keep your head above the water. Whether it is of the flesh or of the mind, your devotions have been heard by our most beloved Maiden of Pain. You endure it well, and you are not alone. There are other voices that sing her melody, listen for them, share your burdens and know you are all very dearly loved by the most gracious Loviatar. Even if her affections are a little excessive…

Lia's Notes And Thanks

First of all, a HUGE thank you to the dear ones who helped this happen, with encouragement, editing advice, and throwing some pennies in the pot to cover the cost I couldn't do alone. I shan't name names but you are already well aware of the endless affection I hold for you all. For everyone else, I really do hope this brings you some measure of comfort. It's important to recognise how much we tend to give of ourselves even when we suffer most, and how harsh we can be towards ourselves too.

You are not a burden, having needs is normal and natural, the people who matter most should be there to support you just as you would wish to be there to support them were your roles reversed.

We can rely on each other to a degree, even if it is just to listen, to say "I understand, it's alright to feel all of the things you are feeling. You do not have to be strong, you do not have to wear that mask of endurance with me." So do let go of that guilt, dear one, it does not serve you. If you would like to read more of a discussion on chronic pain, Abdirak, fandom, please see the main essay on the topic (click here) though be aware there is discussion of the more spicy topic of how pleasure and pain can be entwined, even for those of us who feel too much pain in our every day.

Tavylia's Offer

I'm going to round this one off with a simple offer to you all. Should you wish for words of comfort from a beloved character (probably BG3 but if I know the character well enough I can try others), send them to my ask box, or on Discord/Twitter/Anything on my Carrd. This is what I have worked on before, mostly SFW (only some light suggestive moments) as the focus is on comfort to the reader.

Abdirak - Migraine Comfort Yurgir - Migraine Comfort Tav - General Comfort, with Audio Multi-Character Comfort Drabbles (Including Abdirak)

If my little words can bring you any measure of comfort or relief, you need only ask.

Farewell for now, Dear Ones, darlings, loves, Pain Pals, - all of you. Please take care of yourselves - hydrate, nourish, and for the sake of the gods please allow yourself some rest and be kind to yourself for a change. And I do mean all of you. No exceptions, now. Love yourself with grace and forgiveness, care for yourself as if you were the most precious friend you have ever made. I hope to see you all very soon~

May Loviatar's blessings be more merciful. ~ Lia

[mollyjames]

Sonny Boy is a really interesting to pick apart because it's one of those shows where you feel kinda dumb for not following what's happening, but everybody is saying things that sound confident and correct so you just kinda assume that you missed something, only to go back later and realize "oh, we're just bullshitting this, huh?" I think it's extra sneaky because the first few episodes are actually very good at setting up some weird sci-fi scenarios, and it's a fun puzzle to try and figure out what's happening, and all of the rules make a kind of cosmic sense in the same way that good Doctor Who is able to construct an episode around completely made up alien timey wimey nonsense but it all works because we can follow the explanation and it matches up with what we've watched. It's only about halfway through the show's plot folds into itself and collapses under the weight of its own silly nonsense- like bad Doctor Who.

I find this a lot more forgivable though because, for one, it's only 12 episodes, so the relative fallout really only impacts like... 3 and a half episodes. Maybe 4 total, if you add it all up. For another, at a certain point, Sonny Boy doesn't really care. It makes a token effort to continue the narrative, but it's really at its best when it gives up on explaining things and just... is. When it realizes that none of that really matters. And that lets it push its premise to its logical extreme and takes the show much much farther than you would expect for only 12 episodes.

It helps that I really like the ending. Sonny Boy is an isekai, of sorts, but I think it falls better into an older niche category called Portal Fiction. Classically, this is where you get stuff like The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe, Alice In Wonderland, The Wizard Of Oz, etc... I read a lot of Portal Fiction as a kid. It was my favorite genre, but my favorite part, the part that really got my brain bubbling, was the ending. See, one of the enduring qualities of Portal Fiction and isekai to an extent, is that it is transparent about the fact it is telling a story. We get engrossed in those stories in the same way the characters do, and at the end of the story the characters return to the Real World, and we are returned to real life. What the characters do at the end of the Portal Fiction informs what we were meant to take from it, but it's also the point where the characters feel the most real, the most complete. It never feels like it lasts long enough. It's what makes the last episode of Sonny Boy so brutal at first, and also so special. I finally got what I wanted.

There's more I want to talk about here... honestly if anything ever gets me to finally make the dreaded Video Essay (tm) it'll be this. I also think my own personal experience contributed a lot to my enjoyment. Confession time: I never vibed with FLCL. I've watched it through a few times; it just doesn't line up with my experience growing up, or what I was dealing with. Sonny Boy does. If there's one takeaway here, I guess it's go watch Sonny Boy. It's really shot up to being one of my favorite anime of all time. It's not gonna be for everyone, but I think the people who like it will really like it. And uh... don't feel like you have to understand it to get it.

[anarglitch]

Scott pilgrim takes off inhabits the same artistic space as the matrix 4, or even the final fantasy 7 remake. I mean this as a good thing. It has the distinct touch of an artist that made something that defined a generation revisiting the art that outgrew them a thousandfold with more maturity and different interests.

These interests usually skew meta, they're about what drives someone to revisit something made by a past version of oneself, about the experience of suddenly gaining more influence than anyone could reconcile, where criticisms of your work (which you also, no doubt, have many) become synonymous with criticisms of your culture. If you've been here a while, you probably know (and are tired of) what I'm talking about, manic pixie dream girls and aloof average male protagonists, toxic nostalgia, pick your theme and it's a video essay title.

Imagine having every read of your 2004 funny video game-coded coming of age comic reverberate infinitely toward every direction, people saying your main character taught a whole generation of men to be self-absorbed while the exact opposite type of people rant about how your secondary lead "ruined a whole generation of women" because of hair-dye or whatever. Imagine Edgar Wright makes a movie adaptation of your cute little comic that somehow launches the careers of half of the current celebrity pantheon simultaneously. How would that change you?

Well, for one, it makes you less relatable. The truth of an aloof nerdy guy dating in his early 20s is a lot more universal than the truth of an artist in his 40s forever defined by the event horizon of a thing he wrote half his life ago. The matrix 4 couldn't stop talking about how it feels to have created the matrix. The final fantasy 7 remake can't help but to constantly examine what it means to remake final fantasy 7. It's easy to see why someone would hate that indulgent meta trend, I'll probably never write a generation-defining story, why would I care about the first world problems of someone who did? It can feel distant, and at its worst it can feel insulting. Like it's pointing the finger at the fans, whispering 'you did this to me'. I get that.

I get that, but I love it.

It's the fundamental difference between wanting something that is like something you liked, and wanting someone that is from the same creator of something you liked. The difference between feeding the mona lisa into an AI and finding a new authentic da Vinci. You can't make something entirely new if you religiously stick to using the parts of something that's already there. The human behind the work will always have influences you didn't realize, thought patterns and aesthetic preferences that weren't entirely clear in their previous work, no matter how much you deconstruct it. More importantly, the human will also change, and this organic self-continuity will reflect on the art. I don't want the creator of something to hold their own creation with the same zeal as its fans, because someone who did that simply wouldn't have been capable of creating the original piece in the first place.

I don't want a product, I want art.

Scott pilgrim, the original, indulges the most earnest impulse we have-- that of self-mythologizing, of creating a narrative off of our own lives. To depict the mundane as fantastic, interpersonal relationships as adventures. It resonated with so many people because it was earnest, and it was also picked apart to hell and back because it was earnest. Its flaws were on display, and not just the ones it intended to show. But in my opinion, the opposite impulse, that of washing off everything that could be criticized and presenting the cleanest possible image of yourself through your art, is just... bad. it makes for bad art, or it just freezes you. The very first hurdle of creating anything is getting over that, then maybe the spotlight will fall on you. If it does, you'll get everything you ever wanted, but everyone gets to see through you.

So, how do you revisit something like that? You have two options. Either you take all the pieces and try to reassemble them exactly how everyone remembers it, signing your name as a formality, looking at a mirror in which you no longer see yourself, or you talk to it. You dialogue with your own work, with who you used to be. You travel in time and talk to yourself. You question them, acknowledge them but also teach them a thing or two. You don't respect the product, you respect the feeling. You find the same earnestness that made you put pen to paper for the first time, and you point it towards your new loves and fears. Maybe you make it less about the main guy, take the chance to develop your secondary characters, maybe you give the girl more agency. Maybe you summon the future and refuse its answers. Maybe you fight yourself.

That's the harder choice. It submits your new self to the scrutinizing eyes of a whole new generation, it risks alienating the people who identified with your previous piece. It's riskier, probably less profitable, and by any pragmatic lens probably a bad idea. But it's the only way you can make art. It's truth, the truth that got you there in the first place.

It's how you get it together.

[superlinguo]

Research Data Management. Or, How I made multiple backups and still almost lost my honours thesis.

This is a story I used to tell while teaching fieldworkers and other researchers about how to manage their data. It’s a moderately improbable story, but it happened to me and others have benefited from my misadventures. I haven't had reason to tell it much lately, and I thought it might be useful to put into writing. This is a story from before cloud storage was common - back when you could, and often would, run out of online email storage space. Content note: this story includes some unpleasant things that happened to me, including multiple stories of theft (cf. moderately improbable). Also, because it's stressful for most of the story, I want to reassure you that it does have a happy conclusion. It explains a lot of my enthusiasm for good research data management. In Australia, 'honours' is an optional fourth year for a three year degree. It's a chance to do some more advanced coursework and try your hand at research, with a small thesis project. Of course, it doesn't feel small when it's the first time you've done a project that takes a whole year and is five times bigger than anything you’ve ever written. I've written briefly about my honours story (here, and here in a longer post about my late honours supervisor Barb Kelly) . While I did finish my project, it all ended a bit weirdly when my supervisor Barb got ill and left during the analysis/writing crunch. The year after finishing honours I got an office job. I hoped to maybe do something more with my honours work, but I wasn't sure what, and figured I would wait until Barb was better. During that year, my sharehouse flat was broken into and the thief walked out with the laptop I'd used to do my honours project. The computer had all my university files on it, including my data and the Word version of my thesis. I lost interview video files, transcriptions, drafts, notes and everything except the PDF version I had uploaded to the University's online portal. Uploading was optional at the time, if I didn't do that I probably would have just been left with a single printed copy. I also lost all my jewellery and my brother’s base guitar, but I was most sad about the data (sorry bro). Thankfully, I made a backup of my data and files on a USB drive that I kept in my handbag. This was back when a 4GB thumb drive was an investment. That Friday, feeling sorry for myself after losing so many things I couldn't replace, I decided to go dancing to cheer myself up. While out with a group of friends, my bag was stolen. It was the first time I had a nice handbag, and I still miss it. Thankfully, I knew to make more than one back up. I had an older USB that I'd tucked down the back of the books on my shelf (a vintage 256MB drive my dad kindly got for me in undergrad after a very bad week when I lost an essay to a corrupted floppy disk). When I went to retrieve the files, the drive was (also) corrupted. This happens with hard drives sometimes. My three different copies in three different locations were now lost to me.

Thankfully, my computer had a CD/DVD burner. This was a very cool feature in the mid-tens, and I used to make a lot of mixed CDs for my friends. During my honours project I had burned backed up files on some discs and left them at my parents house. It was this third backup, kept off site, which became the only copy of my project. I very quickly made more copies. When Barb was back at work, and I rejoined her as a PhD student, it meant we could return to the data and all my notes. The thesis went through a complete rewrite and many years later was published as a journal article (Gawne & Kelly 2014). It would have probably never happened if I didn’t have those project files. I continued with the same cautious approach to my research data ever since, including sending home SD cards while on field trips, making use of online storage, and archiving data with institutional repositories while a project is ongoing.

I’m glad that I made enough copies that I learnt a good lesson from a terrible series of events. Hopefully this will prompt you, too, to think about how many copies you have, where they’re located, and what would happen if you lost access to your online storage.

[unreadpoppy]

bg3, infographics, mysogyny and you

Preface: this is a long ass post that I wrote some many weeks ago, and that because of some stuff I've seen, I'm compelled to finally post it. It's very like a spurn of the moment thing, not extremely well thoght out but I still think it's relevant.

.

Recently, a few people have posted some, in my opinion, really insightful infographics showing the difference in content to how many works (in AO3) there are to the female characters vs the male characters of BG3 and I've been thinking about how it relates to fandom in general, but also...everything.

As a quick rundown, what happens is: almost all of the female characters have a lot less content when compared to their male counterparts (at least writing wise). And I think this is a great moment to stop and think on why is that.

There's a lot of point to begin with but I want to begin with something larger and that is the society most of us are raised in. Obviously, I can't speak for everyone, but I think it's fair to say that most people grew up in places that had its fair share of sexism and give it or take, that does shape how we view the world.

I'll speak from my own experience. Even thought I had a mostly liberal upbriging, I went to a very conservative school and when I was growing up, I saw a lot of videos on youtube that anaylized media in what i can only describe as "god forbid women do anything". Video after video, I saw people commenting on how x female character was a mary sue, how she made no sense and ruined the plot, so many video essays on the """strong female character trope"""" that would end up just enforcing gender roles again. And I'll be honest, this DID affect how viewed female characters.

The best example I can give of this is with bg3 itself. There was one day that I stopped and realized that Minthara was the first time I ever obsessed over a fem character as much as any male character. And the second thought I had after this was 'oh my god why???'

Why did I always cater more to the male characters than I did to the female ones, when most of the times, I liked a lot as well?

I'd like to point out that I've seen the topic of "Most fic authors are cis straight women" being brought up a lot and frankly, I'm not the biggest fan of it. First, because I think it's overall a very...heteronormative way of seeing stuff and it's assuming a lot of stuff that puts a sour taste on my mouth (as a queer woman myself, I really don't like that implication but that's on me). Second, because saying that 'obviously women are going to write more about men' feels very...weird. Third, I just think that this argument fails to really question the why of it all and gives too simple an answer to something is anything but.

One can make the argument that these female characters are written differently than the men, and yes that is true and it's even historical (I wrote a whole project on the invisibility of women in theater through the ages and a lot of it has to do with how women were written, but that's a story for another time).

But I don't think that's true for all cases. It's easy to blame an imaginary writer's room than question that you might have internal biases.

Because at least it's what happened to me. I grew up hearing how female characters were inferior to the male characters and it affected how I viewed them. It's something I had to stop and reevalute and it led me to appreciate characters I once loathed.

And it sucks to realize that. It sucks to realize that even as a woman myself, I was not immune to commiting sexism, that I hadn't fully outgrown the shit I saw as a kid. Does that make me a bad person? No. You're not to blame for being raised in a way that leads you to have certain prejudices.

But it doesn't mean you can't do anything about it.

And no, the solution is not to suddenly go write a bunch of femslash. Because no one is saying that you should feel ashamed for writing more for men, or forcing you to like female characters. But, I ask you to do something much simpler.

Think on the why. Why, even when we love female characters, we don't show them as much love as we do to the male ones. Why we might feel more compelled to write for the men than for the women. Because sometimes it's questioning ourselves that we can find something about us we didn't know and change how we engage with media.

And you can brush this off as just fandom stuff, but I think it does, in some ways, also reflect a bit on how we act as whole as a society. Hell, writing this whole thing made me think of how the way I was raised still interferes with my own sexuality (which is a very personal topic for me to get on here but it was worth mentioning). What I'm trying to say is that sometimes something small is an easier way for us to understand the bigger, systemic issues around us.

I know that it sounds like there's nothing to be done cause fandoms have always been like this. But, personally, this sort of conformity to the norm causes more harm then good. Things won't change unless you decide to do something about it. And the good thing about fandom is that it's small enough that doing literally anything can create some impact than, I don't know, trying to solve big, real life societal issues.

This is getting long so I'm gonna try to wrap this up quickly. No one is shaming you if you write or obsesses more or even care more about male characters than you do female ones. I just ask you to think about it and be honest with yourself. Because then maybe, just maybe, next time you engage with another media, you might end up enjoying a female character much more and obsessing over them just as much.