#if i have to be the smarter one here?? i don't know where we went wrong...

[fisheito]

When the exploration auto-select puts both my yakumos and both my morvays on one team and i have to manually break them up to distribute amongst other teams like freeze-dried rations

[majorlb]

Despite being a familiar, Monty is in fact just a bird. He's smarter, has a longer memory, and doesn't break under the reality of having been human, in love, died, and then become a bird again.

He remembers everything about being human, but the feelings are muted, he still likes Edwin, but only in the capacity of how a bird can like a human.

He still slightly resents Charles, but that's also been shifted into the way he would feel about another bird, a romantic rival winning the mating game. He wouldn't share his food with him, but he wouldn't peck his eyes out either.

Still, he knows he betrayed them, and moving one bag to enable their escape doesn't mean much. Especially not when Edwin got tortured, and Niko died. So he's not surprised when they leave him in the house with no way out. In fact, he'd argue that he deserves it.

A slow end of starvation, or dehydration, whichever comes first, seems fitting.

But then, a day and a half later, not even long enough for him to begin to feel thirst after he drank all his water, Charles phases through the front door and finds him where he's perched in the kitchen, carefully avoiding looking into the room where Esther's device, and the bloodstain on the floor still remains.

He doesn't say anything at first, and Monty begins to think that he, a bird, is hallucinating when the one corner of Charles mouth quirks slightly. Not a smile or a frown, just the smallest movement as if he's considering.

"You know, I think we all just kind of forgot you existed when everything went down."

It would hurt if Monty didn't actually think they left him on purpose. Being forgotten is somehow less bad in his mind, you don't circle back for lost flock when a predator strikes until after the danger is over, and you've counted how many are left, after all.

"Still, I'm sorry it took me so long to get here, you did help me out in the end, even if you are on the shitlist for lying and getting Edwin hurt in the first place." 'And Niko' but Charles doesn't seem like he's able to say her name. It's too soon.

Monty just caws softly at him. 'Sorry' doesn't really cover it, but the sentiment still remains.

"Ah well, I'm here to just you know, open a window or something. Can't have you dying in here as well. Not if I can help it anyway."

It's sweet, and Monty considers him as he walks through the kitchen to force the window open, Charles is.. sweet.

If Monty were to lose to a romantic rival such as Charles as a bird or a human, he thinks maybe it's not so bad. At least he knows that Charles mate will be provided for and taken care of, as well as the rest of the flock.

He caws at him again to tell him so, momentarily forgetting that the language barrier is quite big between human and bird.

Then again, Esther always understood him, but maybe that's the witch-familiar bond in place. At least he thinks so until Charles turns around, with a wide smile on his face.

"Cheers! I'll take good care of Edwin, don't worry."

'Oh! Good. Well then, good bye Charles, I have other birds to harass. And maybe a cat or two.'

Charles' laughter follows him as he takes flight out the window, and the 'Everyone likes me eventually' echoes somewhere in the back of his mind.

Seems he was right about that.

[ihatethecrowdsyouknowthat]

what a bland goodbye - spencer reid x fem!reader

reader goes to spencer's apartment for a needed breakup. no matter how much they love each other.

genre: angst wc: 935 warnings: breakup, reader wears heels, crying (duh), no happy ending, right person wrong time???, mentioned emotionally unavailable spencer

based off loml by ts!!! (im sorry), also this is much shorter than i intended!!!

The hallway is colder and your heels are louder than you remember. Snowflakes cover your head, your nose freezing from the cool, winter air. The familiar building somehow pains your heart with how much you'll miss it. You're not sure how long it'll take for the route here to be wiped from your body's autopilot. Even the door marked "23" is comforting. Something you'll have to get over soon.

His unsuspecting and far too joyful form when he opens the door makes you immediately want to rethink your intentions. Spencer's arms wrap around you as inviting as they've always been, the smell of coffee and laundry detergent unwelcome for the first time.

"You said you wanted to talk, what's going on?" he murmurs almost mindlessly into your shoulder.

Already, your eyes burn. You pull back and look up at him with an apologetic smile that hurts.

Chapped lips part as his eyebrows furrow. It's like he can feel how torn you are. But he doesn't get it. "Morgan says that when a girl says 'we need to talk,' it means that you're in trouble. I told him that's ridiculous but then I started to overthink and thought that maybe I did do something so I went through the last couple weeks but... I don't know what I did."

He nervously laughs, "he's ridiculous, right?"

Well, not exactly. It wasn't an easy decision to come to. It took a lot of convincing from your smarter side. You just couldn't put up with it anymore. The long hours were bad enough, but he'd never open up, despite eyebags showing just how much he needed to. Long hours were spent wondering if he'd be coming home unharmed or with an extra scar that's yet to be healed. As much as you want to, you can't stay. He's tortured. He needs someone with more to offer. More to give. You're not what he needs.

Glossy eyes find his hopeful ones and you feel despicable. "Spence..."

"What?" he whispers shakily.

It's now or never, you figure, inhaling an unsteady breath. No going back. Like a bandaid, right? If bandaids caused more tears, maybe.

"I want to break up." You attempt to sound firm, decisive, valiant but your voice wobbles and you sound nothing short of pathetic.

Beautiful, delicate features you've spent so long memorizing distort into a mixture of pain and confusion. The same features you've kissed and ran your fingers over every chance you got. You mourn those moments silently as he tries to understand. You know he won't. In only seconds, his eyes match yours in terms of despair, like he's already picturing the moment you walk out and leave him behind like a bad memory.

"Why? Is it... something I did?" he asks, voice so soft and breakable it makes everything ache.

"No. It's-it's me. I just can't... I can't." Tears gather on your lashes before spilling over onto cold cheeks.

"Can't?"

The way he's trying so hard to get it is what makes the moment last forever. What could you possibly say to explain yourself? It all feels so insignificant right now.

In his suit and tie, so pretty, he exhales sharply in frustration, a shot to your softened soul. He waits for your answer but you're not sure you have one to smooth the crease between his eyebrows.

You sigh and mutter, "I can't be in this. We don't work, Spencer. You don't talk to me, I-" you sniffle, sobbing hard, "I can't do a relationship where you're never here and, even when you are, you're- I don't know..."

He shakes his head and breathes out as his lip trembles. "You're the love of my life," he whispers, saline rolling down.

"I know." A particularly loud sob leaves you and you nod. "I just can't."

"Can't or won't?" he asks bitterly.

You shake your head, "don't do that."

Somber eyes you love look down at you, begging you wordlessly. In a simple glance, small moments that shaped how you saw and felt about him, it was truly legendary. But you couldn't deal with just those flickers of forever. They were momentary. They're not enough.

He pleads, "we can work it out. We can-"

"Stop. Please."

"So that's it? You're just leaving? I can't say anything?" he breathes desperately, crying in a way you've never seen.

You hate how your mind shows you only the things you wish you could unrecall. All the soft pants, gentle kisses, coffee dates, library trips, interlocked fingers and goodnight texts. Every memory that's only making this harder. "I'm sorry." Small sobs shake your body as each breath seems more difficult.

Spencer shakes his head, pretty curls falling in front of his face. "That's it?" he says in fear.

Sadly, you nod, wishing things could be different. Maybe they could be. One day.

"Goodbye," you whisper through a low sob.

He looks at you with a love that you know will never quite be buried. Not for years, at least. Part of you wants that love to come back to you. When he can be what you need and you can be what he needs.

He mutters, "bye," and you leave, for the first time with a heavy heart. You've never loved someone as much as you've loved Spencer. The breakup was needed but how long will the ache last? How long will you hide away in your room? How long will you dream of a reunion?

How long will it take for the thought of Spencer Reid to not leave you feeling homesick over something you're never sure you had?

tags: @1mnshw @sweetestthingonthissideofhell @punkndisorderrly

[locketsvault]

「 JEALOUSY WITH HSR MEN 」

pairing: varitas ratio x male reader ፥ bothill x male reader ፥ moze x male reader

tags: male reader, he/him pronouns used, no agab mentioned, pre relationship, get together, jealousy, big brother caelus (let��s be honest even dan heng and march are like siblings too)

warnings: light angst/comfort, the characters do get jealous, boothill cursing, (playfully bullying Caelus trashcan habits), flirting. not proof read.

request: If it's okay can I request jealous headcanons with Dr.Ratio, Moze and Boothill x male reader (before they started dating the reader)? they get jealous bc the reader and Caelus are always together, like, literally inseparable🥀 but they don't even know that Caelus and the reader are like brothers. (original request found here.)

a/n: I’m not the biggest fan of toxic portrayals of jealousy, so my versions tend to be a lot more tame, even if it’s a little ooc. Also I’m not the best at writing dialogue for boothill and ratio, so forgive me if it’s a bit off!! I do also know caelus is more than a silly little guy, but I love that version of him so silly it is.

//varitas ratio⌇˚.༄

⮑ Varitas met Caelus first through the canon events we see in the game. He meets you during it as well as you went to the space station to see what the hell was going on. You stuck by Caelus side for most of it, defending and protecting him while you could (and vice versa). Where one was, the other was too. He found it quite annoying, especially because he couldn’t help but fall into your gravitational pull smile.

⮑ He met you again in Penacony, during the rare times you weren’t with Caelus. Even then you talked about him. He found it suspicious. No matter how smart he was, he mistook your affections towards the trash diver as romantic. It made him a bit sad, and a bit envious. He was so much smarter? He didn’t literally dive into trash cans? And he could provide you so much. He hated it. Varitas wasn’t one to have affections for people easily. Yet you wooed him. Without even trying.

⮑ He’d treat you well, telling you about books he thinks you’d like, what planets were worth traveling to, and may even buy you gifts. He’d compliment you too, which was just, woah. But with Caelus? He ignored his existence… literally. He either used the bust around him or paid him no mind. And if he did, it would be one of his usual quips, but with more bite. It was out of character for the doctor, but you missed that info. Until Himeko called it out, and you realized. He wasn’t just behaving out of character, it was straight up abnormal. He liked you. And he was jealous of Caelus. Oh no.

You put time away in your schedule to visit him at a time you knew he’d be in his office. You were terrified, you never thought Varitas would like you back. It felt like you two belonged to two different worlds.

“Y/n, to what do I owe the pleasure?” Varitas asked, his eyebrow raising as he closed his book.

“I uh, I finished the book you lent me, I came to return it.” You stated as you sat down near his desk, holding the book out.

Varitas shook his head and waved his hand. “No need, it’s yours now. Keep it, I insist.”

“But it’s yours—“ “—And it’s because of that I’m giving it to you. Now, I can tell by the look on your face that you didn’t just come here to return me my book. What’s troubling you?”

You honestly should’ve realized sooner he liked you. Anyone else he’d tell to fuck off. But with you, your troubles were his. You couldn’t help the heat that kissed your cheeks. To say it out loud to the man himself…

“Well um, there is actually.” Your fingers picked softly at the spine of the book. You didn’t want to damage it, but you couldn’t help your nervous ticks. “It’s about us actually. Or well—me and Caelus.”

You noticed a twitch of displeasure in his eyes. “Go on.” His tone got a bit colder. He didn’t think you were rejecting him did he? Shit.

“Caelus and I joined the astral express at the same time. We both went down to Belobog together with Dan Heng, we understood each other and grew close because of it.” You quickly rushed out, turning to face him better. Your tone had a hint of plea in it. “I lost all my family, and then I gained a new one. Caelus is the closest thing I’ll ever have to a brother again. He’s… he’s like a brother to me.”

You could see the process of emotions in Varitas eyes, even if he kept his face straight. “Ahhh. Brother you say?”

You nodded and stood up, making your way to his desk. “Yes, brother. He’s only ever been a brother to me. He’s not the only who’s claimed my heart.”

Varitas walked around his desk, putting the pieces together. He leaned against it, arms crossed, standing a couple of feet away. “And who might that be?”

“You doctor… it’s you. It has been for a while.”

// boothill⌇˚.༄

⮑ You both met through a radio channel around the time he spoke to black swan. He was looking for Acheron, and then you peaked his curiosity. When he showed up to Penacony, he heard your voice in the distance and knew immediately it was you. He didn’t even hesitate to approach you. It was one of the new times he saw you without Caelus by your side, as you were with March 7th. After that, the rest of the Penacony journey was spent by Caelus side, especially after Firefly was taken. Your attention mostly on the quest or him, whenever you ran into Boothill, you always gave him a smile.

⮑ He found it quite curious how you interacted with him versus the others of the astral express. With Dan Heng and Welt you were polite, when Sunday joined the express you were kind to him, but with Caelus you were chaotic. He mistook it as romantic, especially when he witnessed you two asleep laying next to each other. He didn’t know you both tried to stay up all night after a battle as a challenge and failed. The more he became convinced, the more he felt his wires overheating. He didn’t like that he felt jealous over a clearly special bond.

⮑ Boothill tried to take you away from Caelus to spend time as much as possible. Two birds with one stone. Get him out of the way, and get his alone time with you. His cursing became worse the most jealous he was, but he tried to hide it. You also became convinced there was a slight whir in his voice too. Even thought you hadn’t caught on yet why. He’d treat you to things most people didn’t know about because it was illegal. He’d help train you to fight, knowing he couldn’t always protect you, he needed to make sure when he was gone you’d be safe. For his own sake. He’d also introduce you to new foods and cultures, he loved seeing you in awe. He’d also be your biggest encouragement and supporter.

It was out on one of your journeys that things came into ahead. You took a break while at your shared hotel room, checking your phone to make sure everything was okay. You opened a message from March, she had sent a selfie of her doing a peace sign, Dan heng looking fed up, and Caelus stuck in a trash can. You couldn’t help but laugh at the silliness, no matter how common it was.

“What’s so funny?” Boothill asked, propping his feet up on the desk he was sitting at. He was currently cleaning one of his guns.

“Caelus… as per usual.” You chuckled, putting your phone on the nightstand.

Boothill stopped cleaning his gun for a few seconds, and you could swear you heard his whirring get louder. There it was, the jealousy again. By this point you figured out what he was doing. You weren’t quite sure who he was jealous over, but now you knew. You stood up and made your way over to him. You gently guided him to put the gun down.

“You know… there’s nothing to be jealous over boothill.” You said softly.

“Jealous? Who’s jealous? Not me. Not over that mother fudger.” He turned his head away.

You couldn’t help but chuckle at the childish antics. You crossed your arms, raising an eyebrow at him. “You’ve been jealous over him for a while now. Don’t try to deny it.”

Boothill huffed and took his feet off of the desk, matching your demeanor, also crossing his arms. You could’ve sworn he was also pouting. He opened his mouth and you reached out, covering his mouth.

“Nuh uh, that’s enough out of your mouth. It’s cute seeing you jealous over someone who’s like a brother to me. But that’s all he is. Someone else has my heart.” Your voice held enough confidence for him to have a bit of hope. And that was all he needed to pick himself back up.

He removed your hand and stood up. He grabbed your chin, tilting your head to get better eye level. He didn’t let go after that. Your bodies close together.

“Who is the lucky soul who managed to steal the heart of the most handsome boy in all the galaxy.” He asked in a low tone, keeping his eyes on yours.

You smiled.

“A certain galaxy ranger who just so happens to be standing in front of me.”

// moze⌇˚.༄

⮑ Moze didn’t pay attention to you the first time you both met. It wasn’t anything personal, once he assessed you weren’t a threat, and could actually help him, his attention was more on stopping Hoolay and getting Jiaoqiu back. You couldn’t blame him really, and you admired his ability to stay on track. Once things slowed down a bit he began to notice you. At first you were noted in his brain as the boy who always followed around the silver haired nameless like you were attached at the hip. Then he started to notice you. And he was pleasantly surprised when you too noticed him. When no one else could.

⮑ After being tasked with making new friends, he noticed more and more just how much time you both spent with one another. See, he found himself becoming fond of you. He didn’t take to people easily. It wasn’t personal, it was just how he was. But you? He genuinely wanted to be around you. But he kept his distance, not wanting to disturb you. Convinced that you already found your soulmate.

⮑ That being said, he did show up around you. He’d accompany you from afar when on the Xianzhou Yaoqing, keeping you safe from unassuming threats. If you noticed him you’d ask him to share a meal with him, and he’d find himself agreeing before he realized. He’d never do that to anyone else, except Jiaoqiu and Feixiao. You’d find presents on your neatly made bed (courtesy of him), or a nice cooked meal at your desk.

You and the astral express took shelter on the Xianzhou Loufu after an incident away. Multiple members of the express got injured, including Caelus, who somehow got hurt the worst. While usually it didn’t affect him, this time it did. The lady healer was tending to them. And the Yaoxing general just so happened to be visiting at the same time.

Moze kept his distance as per usual. When he wasn’t assigned to tasks from Feixiao, he was with you. What he didn’t know was she purposely let him do as he wanted because she knew about his crush on you. He was worried about you. You were clearly disturbed by what had occurred.

One of those times he found you lingering was by the water. The sound of the waves crashing against the walkway soothed your nerves. You knew he’d be okay, that everyone would be okay, but you still hadn’t quite recovered from the shock of what had occurred. He stayed back, watching you for almost an hour straight, not saying a damn thing, not making his presence known.

“I know you’re there… Moze.” You eventually said, your voice quiet. But you knew he’d be able to hear you.

Suddenly, there was a presence behind you. You let out a sigh of relief, you always felt safe when it was around. Protected.

“He’ll be okay.” Moze said, staying a few steps behind you.

“I know that I just- it really scared me. I’ve never seen him like that before… for a second I thought… I thought he was dead.” You muttered. “I can’t lose him.”

“Your boyfriend is strong. I don’t doubt he’d come out alive.”

You stammered and looked back at him a bit shocked. “Wh- my boyfriend? No no no. No Caelus is family.” You let out a nervous laugh and looked back towards the water. “He’s like a brother.”

Moze didn’t say anything. At first he stayed still like a statue, before finally sitting next to you. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have assumed.”

You shook your head and gave a kind smile. “No I get it, we are practically inseparable. Looking in, I guess it’s not easy to tell. But no, he’s not the one I fancy.”

“So you do… fancy someone.” He hesitantly asked, looking ahead at the water.

Despite your sadness, you couldn’t help but softly laugh. For someone so perceptive, he was a little slow on the uptake. You always left him goodies, knowing when he’d be visiting or cleaning up after you. Things that reminded you of him, your own cooked meals, bandages so he can change his old ones out. You guess your reciprocation went unnoticed.

“You silly. All those times I left things for you in return, was me reciprocating your affection. You’re the one I fancy.”

main hub ✦ masterlist ✦ to do list

[i-dare-say]

I have a theory about Airplane's original outline, the one he lost which was supposed to be mature and deal with more complicated themes than what PIDW actually became. Some posts on here made me curious about what other people would think of it.

What if Shen Yuan didn't transmigrate into a copy of PIDW, but the actual original outline?

We know Airplane lost the file when his computer randomly died and that he had plans for Tianlang-jun to be the final boss and for Shen Jiu to be a direct parallel to Luo Binghe.

We're not told when he lost the file.

What part of PIDW was he writing at that moment? Was it when Luo Binghe was 14? But he lost the file, discarded the original outline and went for the stallion novel.

While a new universe was born, as Airplane decided to satisfy his readers more than follow his own ideas, the original universe was left unfinished, lost without an ending.

The system has worked in other universes before, so it knows how to deal with this. It takes a soul from another world to finish the story and bring it to its original ending instead of the one in PIDW.

Who better than the author? Airplane, who had to discard his art to make money for a living. He'd be the perfect one for the job.

But, as we know, Airplane doesn't actually change much. The role of Shang Qinghua proves to be too removed from Luo Binghe, and he's not given enough incentive or instructions to do it.

The system learns from this first mistake: next it takes someone who hates the ending of the PIDW universe, and puts them right where the original outline stops, in a role deeply tied to Luo Binghe, giving them clear objectives and punishments if they don't follow the instructions.

It works.

Shen Yuan is dropped into the original outline and actually manages to deliver on all its promises. That's why Shen Jiu's past is revealed, why we get to know the truth of Tianlang-jun's relationship with Su Xiyan and all that the Palace Master did, all plot points that never existed in PIDW.

(Why the characters are much smarter, why the female characters have a personality other than being their archetypes)

You could argue that they do exist in PIDW, hidden under all the monster fighting and maiden fucking. But PIDW is a stallion novel, with tropes and a narrative that follow a certain structure. I can't imagine the events of svsss ever happening in a story like that.

The original outline though? Yeah, 100%. It already had the potential of being complicated, with all those secrets and mysteries, so it's not that hard for it to add the relationship that is born between Luo Binghe and Shen Qingqiu to the mix.

And, this is the reason why we only got to meet Bingge but not his original outline counterpart.

Let's be honest: if a third universe existed other than svsss and PIDW, with a lonely Luo Binghe that never finds love, you bet your ass he would eventually find his way to svsss like Bingge did. But it never happened.

Because Bingmei is him.

[degloved]

i've threatened to post yet another sotr opinion, so here i go: lenore dove is a great and valuable character, but her romantic entanglement with haymitch felt completely unnecessary and tacked on. there was something about the two of them that kept bothering me as i read, but i think i was Feeling Everything Too Much to stop and pick things apart. having sat down and dissected my thoughts with bestie though, i've identified my four biggest gripes; their relationship is (a) repetitive, (b) useless, (c) clashes with the core themes of the story, and (d) undercooked.

(a) the main trilogy does "dystopia with a sprinkle of romance" perfectly (though i've certainly debated the inclusion of romance before, i'll pretend i don't hold those stances for the purposes of this post.) romance here is both useful in the sense of giving us a feel for who each character is wrt their view of it and, in general, is as good a vehicle for character development as any (especially given that we're dealing with teenagers here.) in tbosas, the romance takes a much darker and more twisted turn, though it plays a similar role—it illustrates the rottenness-to-the-core of president snow. neither the trilogy nor tbosas would be the same if the focal relationships were to be taken out, they're absolutely integral to both arcs. and yet... it gets to a point. is there not another means of accomplishing everything above? is there not another way to explore the characters' personalities, motives, values, etc.? can't they have a different driving force? wouldn't it have been perhaps smarter and, arguably, more fun to go beyond what's expected of a book within the ya genre?

(b) tying into what i've hinted at in the above paragraph—the four books that came before sotr all depended upon their focal romances to drive the story forward & hammer the point in. sure, we could've gotten a glimpse of snow's cycle path mind by other means—there was sejanus, there was dean highbottom, there were others who snow has fucked over in pursuit of his own ends. but nothing could've quite captured his rancidness, i think, that the way his obsession and attempted possession of lucy grey did. we're all familiar with villains who miraculously change around that one person, who dote on their specialest little boy/girl, yet that wasn't the case here. snow's [redacted] for lucy grey did not absolve him, did not change him, did not halt him in becoming who we know him to be at a rapid pace. as for the romance in thg, i don't think i can say anything that hasn't already been said before & much better besides. the girl on fire and the boy with the bread, we all know how that went. we all know what their love for one another made happen. & with that in mind, what did lenore dove and haymitch's romance accomplish? what did it do? did it alter the trajectory of either of their lives? ...no. did it change anything? ...no. would the story have been 100% the same if they'd only been friends? ...yes. would the story have been 100% the same if lenore dove had, god forbid, not even existed? ...yes. "oh but nico, why must a relationship be useful? why must it serve a purpose? can't we simply be in love?" why, yes! in real life! unfortunately, this is a story, and at that one where every single detail matters. every detail must serve a larger purpose, or else its value is automatically diminished (prime example.) and at times, i'd argue the value of the entire work may be diminished by the inclusion of an extraneous, frivolous plot point (though i wouldn't go that far here.)

(c) perhaps the most offensive aspect of the whole thing—its existence alone completely clashes with, in my view, one of the core themes of the book: friendship. sotr speaks of the biggest in-game alliance between the tributes thus far (and ever since.) again and again it emphasizes the "kad se male ruke slože" of it all (roughly, "many hands make light work.") unlike the tributes in katniss' time, they all approach each other. they talk. they make promises. haymitch isn't afraid to ally with louella on the train, and it doesn't take much at all for him to see loulou—a girl who is no one to him, nothing—as something precious to protect. not to mention ampert (no really, i won't, i'll get upset.) his and maysilee's entire arc is so, so beautiful and touching—his perception changing, the admission he had been wrong about her, the journey from refusing to ally, to doing so begrudgingly, to calling her a friend and a sister. even wyatt found his place in haymitch's heart. friends, friends, friends, it's all about friends. haymitch in the present timeline could've been that sad lonely drunk wreck just as believably after losing them. just as believably if lenore dove had been his friend (i hesitate to say only a friend—a friend can't ever be only.) haymitch has really lost so much, so many, and there is something about the pedestal lenore dove is put on—when it comes to these losses—that i can't get behind. would he have been any different, really, if she'd been spared? would all that misfortune not find him if she had been spared? no. no, i don't think so. therefore... two plus two.

(d) and finally, the total nail in the coffin—it wasn't even that good. we're thrown in medias res of their romance & we're meant to take suzanne's word for it. we're meant to do this from the get-go and throughout, because—in a book that can be summed up as So Much, All The Time—there was really not a moment to spare for haymitch and lenore dove. their romance was given no time to develop—and how could it have? how could it have, when the characters were hardly in physical proximity of each other for more than a page and a half total? he fed her the gumdrops and i felt nothing but a passing sadness, because all i could think about was ampert, was maysilee, was wyatt, was loulou, was anyone and everyone whose haymitch gave his all for & still couldn't save. we didn't need this romance subplot to begin with, and it wasn't even good.

[epiphainie]

can you please talk a little about buck's sexual health history (including fuckboy era and maybe a learning curve and eventual clipboard buck mentality) how he's long been practising safe sex and gets regularly tested etc etc before meeting tommy - but also his self care and awareness after commencing gay sex 👀👀👀

i love that you're asking me - i hate it when the characters put on condoms in fics me - this lol

okay, starting with teen buck, which is when i imagine he lost his virginity, i don't think he really grasped or cared about safe sex. more specifically, he was like 15 and the girl he slept with (if you can call a four minute encounter at a house party that) was a bit older and promised she was on the pill, and buck, being stupid and a horny teen and totally unprepared, was like good, because i don't have a condom. luckily nothing happened but it was just a very fortunate situation.

he obviously started carrying around condoms after that. as someone who was actively having sex. another headcanon but i think buck was the first guy for a lot of girls in high school because he was sweet and charming and safe. like he was a little fuckboy before he even legally made it to the legal age but girls didn't really mind that. obviously all he knew was to put on a condom and let the girls get comfortable but that was like 90% better than his age peers.

this obviously followed him to the one year of community college he actually managed but other than being safe and nice, buck's also incredibly peacocky and readily influenced if it means he can show off and feel some sense of pride that he innately lack so the occasional spontaneous sex stuff where he had to forgo the condom happened. like what was he supposed to do when his buddies dared him into chatting up the hottest girl in the room she went "itsfineitsfineitsfine" when he realized his condom was expired and also she was already naked? what was he supposed to do the insanest chick he ever met taunted him into fucking her at the edge of a roof and bare?

now this totally got worse during his intercontinental hobo-ing and fuckboy-ing. fucking the daughter of the owner of the dude ranch behind the stables? sure. letting a girl finger him with the hands she just put inside herself? well they're on the lima beach and it's romantic. barebacking her? her boyfriend asked!

i think the fire academy would be where he kinda gets a bit smarter about this. either because he's not dumb and he's here in los angeles now hoping to make something out of himself so he can start acting like an adult. or because he has an STI scare that freaks the fuck out of him and he decides right there and then that he's having safer sex eventho he's still having hookups. i don't think he'd get very clipboardy about it from the get go but he'd absolutely start getting tested more regularly and saying no to stuff. then a year and some change later ofc abby would happen and we know that totally makes him reconsider why he feels the need to have sex the way he does and while fixing his relationship with that, he'd change his relationship with how he has sex as well. actually it's nice to have a little checklist to track his sexual health! also turns out it's fun to be able to reassure people tho some find it unsexy when he recounts his test results during foreplay.

and i think gay sex would be just an extension of that. by the time he realizes he's bi and wants to have sex with men, i think buck has a pretty healthy approach to sex. still freaky but not unsafe! but also, buck's a true slut at heart, it's just there, so after they reach a point where sex doesn't feel like tommy leading him, buck would take them into the territory where they're being nasty. they're exclusive, they're both on prep, they're adults for fucks sake, tommy, can you please breed me now or else

[slaaverin]

I'm in my bed crying over jikook again.

The thing is, I don't even have the proper words to express what I'm feeling.

It's all so..God I don't know. Improbable? Crazy? It's crazy.

You have two humans that have the most pure souls, with impossible high-stakes lives, that somehow found each other and also found the most beautiful love I have ever witnessed in my 32 years of life.

The probability of this happening is almost zero. It shows there are really bigger and smarter things than little us at play in life.

They went through so much, and so much more than any of us will ever be able to imagine, yet they remained pure at heart, with their love growing ever stronger and more potent by the day.

They let us in on everything, and showed us the true depth of their feelings openly (but even so, it's written all over their faces).

They simply care, a lot. The little things, the trips, the quiet moments, all of it, they really do care. It's not for show. It's real.

It's like we're getting a glimpse of something that doesn't belong to us at all. Yet, they are generous enough to let us experience it vicariously through them. Isn't it an act of love on their part? They don't have to do it. It's not even smart or safe or reasonable for them to do it. But they do anyway. Maybe because they wouldn't be able to help it, even if they wanted to?

How weird it is that our love for them is that strong? We've never even met them. Yet we feel for them something more unconditional than what we feel for some people we've actually met. How strange, don't you think? So we cheer on and support and we feel it all. We care too.

And I can't explain how witnessing jikook's love has been wonderful, how it has filled my heart with an immense amount of joy and reverence and beauty. It is a mystery.

Somehow I feel it's not even about them, even if it is, obviously so. It's simply that love. Isn't something most of us miss? Long, crave for? Wish for everybody.

If all the people would be in love like Jimin & Jungkook are, there would be no wars in the world anymore. It would be completely different.

The lack of love produces incredible darkness, and it's only love that can fix everything.

So I think that's why I cherish their love so much. It is so very precious, so very important, in ways they might not even understand. The fact they have such an audience being exposed to their love, feeling all the feelings, it helps the world heal a tiny little.

It's not a small thing. It matters.

If we can all fill our little corner of the universe with that type of love, we would've won all the battles, done what we came here for, and call it a day.

They've gifted us the incredible gift of are you sure, where their love was quiet and peaceful and certain. They've given us the gcf. And Letter. And then there was Rosebowl, and MMA, and Black Swan. A thousand moments. Again and again they've showed us.

Now they are enlisted together, and I think that there's nothing more to add. Nothing to prove. Nothing to show. It is self-evident and we can only smile and be happy for them.

What an incredible journey it has been, full of laughs, of crying. So many tears (of joy).

When they will come out of military, we can say that a chapter of their life will close, and another one will open. Hopefully a even happier one than the one before.

So yeah I've decided to make a rather big edit about it, this first chapter, those 10 years of love.

(And you're not ready with some of the music I chose, it makes you feel ALL THE THINGS, prepare tissues)

Sorry for this post that is going nowhere.

Sometimes I simply need to scream my love for jikook. They truly deserve it.

Aren't they wonderful? Yes. Yes.

Take care lovely jikookers 💜

[bookns]

My top RTTE charachters (not including Berk characters like Gobber or Stoick) because I am on season 5 (!!):

(for reference I am on S5,E8 Wings of War Part 2)

1) chicken (yeah no i wil not budge): he will always be my favorite RTTE character and I do genuinely get so happy seeing him so I love him so much. He will always be my number 1. (yes I was so happy when he had his own side plot in Grim Retreat)

2) Hiccup: he is such a relatable character that I cry to him you don't understand - his story gave me another lifeline (I will admit I cry to his fanfics and edits way more than should be normal however "I just want to be one of you guys" the way my entire teenagehood could be summed up in one sentence. I JUST LOVE HIM SO MUCH)(although I always say this where are my Hiccup holding inferno in the rain from Blindsided - I NEED THEM FOR MY SOUL)- he is so funny too like trauma aside I just love him

3) Snotlout: I will admit that him being the far up is not that surprising if you been keeping track of my posts. I am a Snotlout girl till I die - he's so funny and so underrated and his heart is so beautiful - he loves his gang even if it is told by him telling them to shut up. (my favorite snotlout moment is in fact him telling Fishlegs that he ate everyone's breakfast or his weird one sided fight for Hiccup's leg)

4) Astrid: my favorite girl - you went through so much and you are so smart and you deserve a vacation where no one tries to kill you. I just care about you (my favorite Annabeth Chase variant I love her so much) (Hiccup and Astrid having runes of each other's name SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUP like as he should though I too would have a rune of her)(but also her scarastic overthinking ways and her being besties with Heather like I love her. and her and stormfly dynamic forever obvi)(like "that's my girl" she is so loved by me trust)

5) Heather: my green eyed warrior - I fear you are the coolest double player to ever exist. I just want the best for her - you deserve to be able to find your selves- and girl THANK YOU FOR SHIPPING HICCSTRID. and trust brothers are much better than sisters (I can say that as a middle kid to two brothers just like my girl)

5) Ruffnut: THE SCENE WHERE RUFFNUT, ASTRID AND HEATHER ARE BEST FRIENDS I NEEDED YOU - she is the smarter twin and so cool I love her so much (snotlout and ruffnut in another life please)

6) Mala: MY QUEEN - I need you to know I love Mala so much. She is so wise and clever. She is such a good queen and the way she trusts the dragon riders BUT ALSO WELCOMES THEM WITH OPEN ARMS EVERYTIME like my queen fr (throk is here too I guess I don't know where to put him)

6) Dagur: I know y'all hate me for putting him above literally two main characters however I JUST THINK HIS CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT IS SO GOOD. HE SHOWS GROWTH AND CHANGE AND HOW FAMILY ISNT BLOOD (calling Hiccup brother)

7) Fishlegs: my favorite little nerd - I too am obsessed with Meatlug

8) Tuffnut: I love him so much but if anyone was last it would be him I fear - though his jokes HIT DIFFERENT - Him, Ruffnut, Barf, Belch are such a good combo and honesty his advice and intelligence it throws a girl off at how amazing he is

(Viggo is 8 I guess? It's hard since he's a villain but he is such A GOOD villain so??) (I know he has some character development and trust I can't wait to see)

(spitelout is last simply because I PROTECT MY SON)

anyway...what do we think

[friday411]

My 🔍 Top 10 25 26 Sherlockian Limericks!

"Elementary my dear Watson" Is not in a story – not one "My dear Watson", yes "Elementary" much less But all in one go? It's not done!

-=< ⬇️ ⬇️ ⬇️ >=-

There once was a genius from London Whose cranium was really uncommon. When he learned something new For each factoid and clue He deleted an old, then moved on…

-=<+>=-

The police asked "Holmes, what should we do? He said "Look to the dog for your clue." "But he didn't do squat." "That's the curious part." And with that, Sherlock stumped the whole crew.

Bobby: Is there any other point to which you would wish to draw my attention? Holmes: To the curious incident of the dog in the night-time. Bobby: The dog did nothing in the night-time. Holmes: That was the curious incident.

-=<+>=-

At crime scenes, Holmes' in his element. Police he finds an impediment. He's far more effective Than their "great" detectives. So he's earned the right to be arrogant.

-=<+>=-

To Holmes, every case was solvable "Once you reject the impossible Sometimes - strange as it seems Logic dictates that means You must accept the improbable."

"When you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth." - SH

-=<+>=-

Holmes' methods are tested and true Wringing the facts out of each clue. "Don't jump to conclusions, They're often illusions." The truth will be known when he's through.

-=<+>=-

"Lestrade – why do you come to me last? I'd've gotten here sooner if you'd asked. Now the trail has gone cold." (He continued to scold.) "Compared to me, your men are outclassed." -=+=- "You don't understand my position Calling you up is an admission We've failed at our jobs!" (He practically sobs) "Crime-stopping is our only mission…"

-=<+>=-

Mrs Hudson, the Baker Street saint Is a model of poise and restraint Two-twenty-one B Is a horror to see So she often has cause for complaint!

-=<+>=-

The truth be told, poor Mrs Hudson Found herself endlessly cussin' It's not that her tenants were late with their rent, it's The shooting of walls and destruction.

-=<+>=-

The Hound of the Baskervilles

Why send Henry and I to the hall If you think he's in danger at all? We need you now Holmes, There are too many unknowns. You might Sir Henry's death then forestal! -=+=- Why Watson you are the only man Who I can trust to follow my plan. Keep our client alive For me till I arrive. If any can save him then you can! -=+=- The Baskerville curse is a hellhound And a terrible devil unbound But both dog and master Will suffer disaster One was shot on the moor, and one drowned.

-=<+>=-

Sir Arthur at Sherlock was peeved A plot to kill Holmes he conceived But then resurrected His brilliant detective Since too many fans were aggrieved!

-=<+>=-

"Holmes! Where have you been all this time? Were you just out fighting crime? I thought you were dead Though you'd only fled So why did you leave me behind?" -=+=- "Watson, I must apologize! I only left you to disguise I was tracking the men Who would kill you and then Made every one meet their demise."

-=<+>=-

“You know,” said Holmes, “I have a brother.” “But surely there can’t be another?” “I assure you there is, If you give him a quiz You’ll quickly find out that he’s smarter.”

-=<+>=-

The Irregulars don't get their due (Despite all the spying they do) Holmes' little laddies Track down the baddies And are loyal to him through and through.

-=<+>=-

The Solitary Cyclist

"My dear Watson, you've wasted your time. You've missed your opportunity prime. You don't know how to spy You weren't close to the guy. We must nab him, or there'll be a crime. -=+=- "Holmes, did I really do that bad? What strategy should I have had?" "Though you didn't need grub, You'd go down to the pub And bought all the secrets they had." -=+=- (Holmes goes down to the pub and comes back bloody) "Oh Holmes, what kind of fight did you start? Those cuts on your knuckles must smart." "They're proof of outfoxing Our foe with my boxing. The other man went home in a cart!" -=<+>=-

Irene Adler is ever so fetching To a man they all say she's bewitching Wit like a razor Nothing can faze her So pity the poor prince that she's ditching!

-=<+>=-

For Holmes there was one woman only But not for matrimony holy Irene, nee Adler, Dueled him with valor So is Holmes in love? Not remotely!

-=<+>=-

"Holmes how can you risk psychosis? The risks you run are enormous! Morphine and cocaine Will both rot your brain. The damage that's done is atrocious!" -=+=- "Dear Watson, have you not noticed? My eyes are bright and in focus My cravings' been erased Because I have a case. You've made the wrong diagnosis!"

-=<+>=-

Eventually there comes a time When retirement sounds so sublime There are many unknowns – Crime goes on without Holmes But – can Holmes go on without crime?

-=<🔎>=-

Read them all on Archive of Our Own...

[sexy-monster-fucker]

Consorts [Part 1]

The Ghoul|Cooper Howard x F!Bounty Hunter!Reader

Summary: Months back, the Reader and Cooper got in a huge mess after deciding to work together after finding out they were given the same bounty. Neither has seen each other since. Reader has been laying low in a far off settlement, working a common bar job just to make a living...

a/n: very excited to attempt another multi-part story for the first time in years!! for the record, I have only watched the show through once and I have never played one of the games sooooo sorry for any inaccuracies

~~~

You sat another glass in front of one of your bar dwellers.

It had been months since you even dared go outside this town. You hid your face anytime you were outside the walls of your dwelling. You were forced to lay low after your last bounty went south. Not only had you lost all credibility as a bounty hunter, but a giant target had been attached to your back by the group who you had wronged. There was no where safe for you.

Although your face had to be mostly covered, your job required a certain level of attracting customers. You would make sure to wear something rather revealing of your chest, along with skin tight pants. Making sure you flirted strongly with your eyes to attract more people to the bar.

A group of men who had been sat at a table for sometime all approached the bar at once. You could hear them mumbling something back and forth as glances were shot your way.

"Great," you thought, "Some moron got bet by his friend to hit on me." You rolled your eyes as you cleaned one of the glasses.

"Sweetheart," followed by a whistle.

Your skin crawled. Smug faces met yours when you turned around.

"What's a lady like you doing working in a place like this?" He cocks an eyebrow at you. You huff in response.

"Don't misunderstand now..." a click and suddenly all the men were pointing guns at you, "I want to know why you thought someone worth so much would be hiding in plain sight. We all swore you were smarter than that." You stared down the barrel of his gun.

You sucked your teeth, dropping your head to the side slightly, "Y'all're here for the money? I thought you were going to compliment a lady." Your gun is fired quicker than any of them can register. The man in front of you falls backwards, the others squatting down in fear. You take your opportunity and run out the back exit.

Your mind is playing every possibility of this ending. Gunfire dancing on the ground around you as the men chase you. You end up in the middle of town, firing your gun at them as they are hot on your tail. In a flash, the amount of people after you practically doubles. Your eyes widen as you attempt to find somewhere to hide. You grab a grenade off your belt, throwing it center at them.

While smoke surrounded them, you slid under and behind a large lean-to. You were on all fours, looking through the small crack in the wood. The men were scrambling, firing their guns in any and all directions. A fight was breaking out.

"FIND HER YOU IDIOTS!" One of the men shouted.

You heard more gunfire joining theirs. You knew it had to be some local fighting back. You scanned the area around you, seeing a small pathway that led to a more exposed part of the fort you had hidden in. You crawled, hoping it would lead you out.

"My, my," a familiar voice spoke above you. You looked up to see him staring down at you, his head cocked to the side. "Oh, sweet Jesus," one of your hands rubs down your face. "Longtime no see, doll," he grinned.

The infamous Ghoul. Few knew his name, fewer lived long enough to share it. The two of you had become more than acquainted in a prior mission gone wrong. The one that had left you both on the run.

He reached a hand out to you, pulling you up to your feet. "Didn't expect to see you here," he grumbled. You rolled your eyes, placing your back against his preparing to fireback together. You felt him turn his head slightly, "Y'know, I didn't take you for a brothel girl." Smugness was written on his tone. Your cheeks flooded with a slight embarrassment. He shifted positioning his lips directly next to your ear, "Took you for more of a cowgirl after last time." Heat radiated your body with his obvious innuendo. "People have to do things when they're on the run," you breathe out. He scoffed in your ear.

The Ghoul aimed his gun out, shooting and hitting one of the goons. "I'll get us out of this, but you've got to make a deal with me," he looked down at you. You crossed your arms, "What could you possibly want from me?"

"We're going to finish the mess you got me in," he pointed at you. "That I got you in? That isn't at all-" "I don't have time for this. You either take the deal or I leave you here."

You blew your breath out, "Deal." You gritted your teeth. His lip curved into a smirk, "That's a good girl. Now you stay here and on my signal come out." You nodded.

The Ghoul stepped out from behind the wooden building, whistling to get all the gunmen's attention. You watched as they all directed their attention towards him. Guns all pointed at him before realizing who stood before them.

"There's the other one!"

"That's the Ghoul they're promising a reward for too!"

"We could get double the money!"

The brim of his hat hid his eyes from them.

"Don't make this harder than it has to be, ghoul. If you just give us the girl we can be on with our way," one of them shouted.

"So you can come back and get me later? Not gonna happen," he pointed his gun at them, "I'm leaving here with the girl."

The man chuckled, "You're out numbered here."

The Ghoul shrugged his shoulders. He fires his gun at the giant water barrel suspended above the town. It tips over, soaking all the men in radioactive water. The Ghoul swiftly runs back to you, grabbing your hand and running off with you. You were quick on your feet following behind him.

You both run as fast as you can until the town is no longer in the distance. You slow down, attempting to catch your breath. Loud and obvious huffs leaving you.

"C'mon, Y/N. We've gotta keep going before they get smart." He gestured at you to follow him.

~~~

END//Part 1

[Thank you for reading!  If you are interested in being tagging in any of my writings don’t be afraid to message me!  All tag lists are open!  I have a master taglist and one for each character!]

Tags:

@mortuus-poet | @giggle-shade |

// Part 2 // Part 3 // Part 4 // Part 5 //

[soldierrcore]

Ghostbusters

𝐍𝐚𝐭𝐚𝐬𝐡𝐚 𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐟𝐟 𝐱 𝐌𝐚𝐥𝐞𝐎𝐂!𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫.

swearing, sexual innuendos.

Steve slammed Natasha against the wall. Vincent was leaning against the wall next to them, holding a pack of peanuts he got from the vending machine.

"Where is it?" Steve hissed, frustrated with the redhead.

"Safe." She replied.

"Do better!"

Natasha looked into his eyes, looking for an answer. "Where did you get it?"

Steve put more pressure on her arms. "Why would I tell you?"

"Fury gave it to you. Why?"

Damn! This is just like watching an episode of Real Housewives.

Steve got the idea that she had opened the file. "What's on it?"

"I don't know." She answered truthfully.

"Stop lying!" He gritted through his teeth.

Vincent could see the slight smile on her face. "I only act like I know everything, Rogers."

"I bet you knew Fury hired the pirates, didn't you?" Steve looked out the room's window to make sure nobody was about to come in, or nobody was watching them.

"Well, it makes sense. The ship was dirty. Fury needed a way in, so do you."

Steve lifted her a little by her jacket. "I'm not gonna ask you again."

"Steve, watch it now, will you!" Vincent spoke, lightning sparking at his fingertips again.

Natasha looked at Vincent, giving him a look that it was fine. "I know who killed Fury. Most of the intelligence community doesn't believe he exists. The ones who do call him the Winter Soldier. He's credited with over two dozen assassinations in the last fifty years."

"So he's a ghost story." Steve deadpanned.

Guess we got upgraded to ghostbusters...

"Five years ago, I was escorting a nuclear engineer out of Iran. Somebody shot out my tires near Odessa. We lost control and went straight over a cliff, I pulled us out, but the Winter Soldier was there. I was covering my engineer, so he shot him straight through me." She pulled up her shirt to show him the scar on the side of her stomach.

"Soviet slug, no rifling. Bye-bye, bikinis."

"Goddamn," Vincent mumbled to himself turned out it wasn't quite enough because Natasha looked at him with a smirk and winked.

"Yeah, I bet you look terrible in them now," Steve told her. Natasha slightly smiled.

"Going after him is a dead end. I know, I've tried."

Natasha held up the flash drive. "Like you said, he's a ghost story."

Steve took the flash drive from her. "Well, let's find out what the ghost wants."

Natasha nodded and looked at Vincent. "First, we need to stop at a store to get mr. pretty boy over here a shirt."

___

"First rule of going on the run is, don't run, walk," Natasha informed the two.

Steve looked down at his shoes. "If I run in these shoes, they're gonna fall off."

"Thank you, Nat for telling me. I thought it was to run and catch everybody's attention." Vincent sarcastically chuckled while trying not to trip on his untied shoelaces.

"Shut up." She hissed stepping on his left shoe.

Vincent hit her arm. "Natasha, we've been through this Do. Not. Step on my Nike Air Trainer III's."

"Don't step on my shoes." She mocked.

"Shut up." He huffed.

She smirked. "Make me." That made Vincent speechless till they made it to the Mac store.

"The drive has a Level Six homing program, so as soon as we boot up SHIELD will know exactly where we are." Natasha acquainted.

"How much time do we have?" Steve questioned.

"Uh...about nine minutes from..." She popped the flash drive into a MacBook Pro.

"Now."

"Fury was right about that ship, somebody's trying to hide something. This drive is protected by some sort of AI, it keeps rewriting itself to counter my commands."

Steve looked around the store looking for any Strike agents. "Can you override it?"

"The person who developed this is slightly smarter than me. Slightly."

"Fucking shit," Vincent whispered next to them.

Natasha and Steve both looked at him confused.

He shrugged. "I was so close to the high score on subway surfers." He pointed to the phone.

Natasha continued to try and find out what's on the flash drive. "I'm gonna try running a tracer. This is a program that SHIELD developed to track hostile malware, so if we can't read the file, maybe we can find out where it came from."

"Can I help you guys with anything?" An apple employee asked.

Natasha grabbed Steve's arm. "Oh, no. My fiancé was just helping me with some honeymoon destinations."

"Cool, where-"

"Umm Aaron, do you think you could help me with this?" Vincent asked pointing to a Mac book two down from Natasha and Steve.

"Sure." Aaron followed Vincent to the Mac.

"So I was thinking about buying this, now how would I set it up?"

"The first time your MacBook Air starts up, the Setup Assistant walks you through the simple steps needed to start using your new Mac. Choose a country or region to set the language and time zone for your Mac. You can respond to all the prompts, or skip some and choose "Set up later" when you see that option. For example, it might make sense to set up Apple Pay, which requires a verified credit card, and Screen Time, which you can set for different users, after initial setup. Read on for more information about setup tasks." Aaron explained to a 'trying not to fall asleep' Vincent.

"Thank you. Can I give you my card to pay for it?" He told the employee.

"Yes, you can." Aaron walked to the front of the store and swiped Vincent's card and went to the back and grabbed a bag with a Mac in it. He walked back over to Vincent handed him the bag.

Vincent shook his hand. "Thank you, sir."

"Anytime." Aaron nodded and walked away.

Vincent walked over to Natasha and Steve. "You said nine minutes, come on."

"Shh, relax. Got it."

Vincent scoffed. "Relax? You're telling me to relax are you serious."

The screen zooms in and the signal is coming from Wheaton, NJ. "You know it?" Natasha asked Steve.

"I used to. Let's go." Steve pulled the flash drive from the computer and they walked out of the store.

"Natasha, you own me fucking nine hundred seventy-nine dollars and eighty-six cents for keeping the employee busy."

"I didn't tell you to buy anything."

Vincent scoffed. "How else did expect me to distract him?"

"Standard tac-team. Two behind, to across, two coming straight at us. If they make us, I'll engage, you hit the south escalator to the metro." Steve told them as two agents are coming straight towards them.

"Shut up and put your arm around me, laugh at something I said," Natasha addressed confusing Steve

"What?"

"Do it!" Steve quickly put his arm around Natasha and laughed as Vincent looked down at his shoes making sure there were no smudges.

As they are going down the escalator Natasha spotted Rumlow on the escalator next to them going up, she turned to Vincent knowing if he saw Rumlow it would be it for them.

"Kiss me."

Vincent's eyes widened. "I'm sorry, what?"

"Public displays of affection make people very uncomfortable. Take this Steve." She handed Steve her phone.

"Yeah, I guess they do." She quickly pulled Vincent's jacket collars down to her level so she could reach him, his hands landed on her hips, he felt her arch into his hold.

Rumlow rolled his eyes and looked away as he goes past them on the escalator.

Natasha pulled out of the kiss and started walking off the escalator with the two men following her. "You still uncomfortable?"

"Wishing the escalator was longer." He replied putting his hood on.

Steve handed Natasha her phone back. "I'm glad it's over, those things make me sick."

Vincent chuckled putting an arm around Steve. "Let's go grampa.

____

"So we have to steal a car?" Vincent asked his two superheroes/super-spy best friends...only friends except for Milo.

Natasha pushed a strand of her straight red hair out of her eyes. "Yes."

"And none of you know how to do that?" Vincent snorted.

Steve and Natasha rolled their eyes. "Yes, Vince."

"This is going to be fun I haven't done this sinc-." Vincent cut himself off as he remembered why he stopped.

"Since what?" Natasha questioned.

Vincent shook his head. "Nothing."

____

He watched as a woman parked her Chevrolet Silverado 1500 LTZ. After the woman walked inside the Mall and nobody was around the truck he hotwired the truck, as soon as the truck started Natasha opened the door to the front and climbed in and Steve climbed in the backseat.

"Where did Vincent Lanez learn how to steal a car?" Natasha questioned him.

"My older brother Timothee." Vincent smiled making a right turn. "And we're borrowing. Take your feet off the dash."

Natasha glared at him and took her feet off the dash.

"Timothee?" Steve asked, the whole time he knew Vincent he's never seen or heard about an older brother.

"Uhh, he died a year ago."

Steve frowned. "I-I didn't know, I-I'm sorry."

"It's fine Steve."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Natasha asked frowning.

Vincent sighed. "Because I can barely speak about."

Natasha nodded. "Alright, I have a question for you, oh, which you do not have to answer. I feel like if you don't answer it though, you're kind of answering it, you know?"

"Natasha."

"Was that a bad kiss?" She asked him, taking a drink of a water bottle Vincent had got her from a gas station earlier in the trip.

"No, it was a really good kiss. Why did you think it was a bad kiss?"

"I didn't say it was a bad kiss I asked if it was a bad kiss." She giggled defended herself.

They stopped at a red light and Vincent unbuckled his seat belt, he reached over the armrest console and kissed her.

"Was that a bad kiss?" He asked as he buckled his seatbelt back.

"N-No...No it wasn't." She stammered blushing.

___

Two hours into the trip Steve fell asleep and Natasha was dosing off and on.

"Why don't you go to sleep we have about thirty-two minutes left. I'll wake you when we get there." Vincent told her.

She nodded and grabbed Vincent's right hand that rested the armrest console and held his hand in hers.

Natasha soon fell asleep softly snoring. Vincent would occasionally glance down at the sleeping redhead he adored.

Vincent hopped out of the truck and woke up Steve.

"Son of a gun," Steve mumbled as he was shaken awake, he grabbed his shield and got out of the truck.

Vincent opened the passenger door and pushed a strang of Natasha's hair out of her face. "Natasha, wake up." He spoke softly.

Her eyes slowly opened and she sat up and looked around at their surroundings and shivered. "Vinnie, can I have your jacket?"

"Yeah." He took off his jacket and handed it to her, he helped her out of the truck.

"Thank you." She shivered, putting the jacket over her hoodie.

"This is it," Vincent spoke as he went to shake the gate but Natasha grabbed his arm.

Natasha put her phone in her back pocket. "The file came from these coordinates."

Steve looked at the sign on the gate that read Camp Lehigh. "So did I."

Vincent looked at him bewildered. "You were born here?"

Steve sighed while Natasha smiled.

Later that night as they walked around the base trying to pinpoint where the signal came from. "This camp is where I was trained."

"Now you tell us, after we've been here for forty minutes," Vincent murmured picking up a rock chucking it at a wall.

He and Natasha were walking on a platform while Steve was down on the ground.

Natasha held up her phone looking for a signal. "Changed much?"

"A little." Steve glanced at a camera on a pole.

"I think Steve is in la-la land." Vincent chuckled.

Natasha turned around and glanced at Steve. "Wonder what he's thinking."

"Come on Vinnie boo let's continue looking." She dragged him along with her.

____

Natasha and Vincent walked back to Steve. "This is a dead-end. Zero heat signature, zero waves, not even radio. Whoever wrote the file must have used a router to throw people off." She addressed putting her phone in her back pocket.

Vincent noticed a building ahead of them, he jumped over the railing of the platform walking towards the building.

"What is it?" Natasha questioned as she and Steve walked over to the building.

"Army regulations forbid storing ammunition within five hundred yards of the barracks. This building is in the wrong place." Vincent sighed.

"How do you know that?" Steve asked.

"Army kid."

Vincent stood back and Steve opened the lock with his shield and they entered inside, when they turned on the lights they noticed it's a SHIELD office.

"This is SHIELD." Natasha breathed out.

"Maybe where it started," Steve commented.

Vincent opened a door that entered into a room where they found old framed portraits of Howard Stark, Peggy, Col. Chester Phillips, and Vincent great great great grand father General. Thomas Lanez.

Natasha pointed to an unbalanced picture. "There's Stark's father."

Steve acknowledged. "Howard."

Natasha glanced at Steve. "Who's the girl?" Steve doesn't respond, he turned away and followed Vincent who didn't take interest in the pictures.

Vincent walked further down the room and stopped by a massive bookshelf and noticed a cobweb swaying.

"Fuck this is heavy." He mumbled as he pushed the bookshelf and it slid open to reveal an elevator behind it.

"Elevator?" Steve asked.

Natasha pulled out her phone and scanned the keypad.

She typed the password in and pushed the button it opened to Vincent's surprise the old thing worked.

Steve and Natasha walked into the elevator while Vincent gulped. "Y-You know what I-I'll stay here."

Natasha sighed and grabbed his arm. "Come on scaredy-cat."

They go down the elevator which took them to a room with old looking computers.

The elevator doors opened to a dark room, they walked out of the elevator the doors closed behind them.

Vincent gulped, he turned around and looked at the closed doors. "Oh hell no."

Natasha grabbed his hand to calm him down.

She took a glance around the room. "This can't be the data-point, this technology is ancient."

They walked to what looked like the main console. The lights flickered on. Natasha noticed a small flash drive port, she placed the flash drive in it which then activated the ancient computer.

"Initiate system?" The computer spoke.

Natasha typed using the keyboard. "Y-E-S spells yes. "

Natasha smiled and turned to Steve as the old computer started to cranks up. "Shall we play a game?" It's from a movie that...

"Yeah, I saw it." Suddenly they hear an accented voice speaking.

"Rogers, Steven. Born, 1918. Romanoff, Natalia Alianovna. Born, 1984. Lanez, Vincent. Born, 1990."

They see an old camera moving above them as it analyzed them.

Natasha looked at the camera puzzled. "It's some kind of a recording."

"I am not a recording, Fräulein. I may not be the man I was when the Captain took me, prisoner, in 1945, but I am." The computer screen shows an old photo of Dr. Arnim Zola.

Natasha turned towards Steve. "Do you know this thing?"

"Steve buddy, we need to talk about your friends." Vincent sighed.

Steve walked off the platform looking behind the computer. "Arnim Zola was a German scientist who worked for the Red Skull. He's been dead for years."

"First correction, I am Swiss. Second, look around you. I have never been more alive. In 1972 I received a terminal diagnosis. Science could not save my body, my mind, however, that was worth saving on two hundred thousand feet of data banks. You are standing in my brain."

Vincent scoffed. "You weren't very popular as a child where you?"

Steve walked back up where Natasha and Vincent were. "How did you get here?"

"Invited."

"It was Operation Paperclip after World War II. SHIELD recruited German scientists with strategic value." Natasha informed.

"They thought I could help their cause. I also helped my own."

Steve scoffed. "HYDRA died with the Red Skull."

"Cut off one head, two more shall take its place." Vincent could hear the smirk in his voice.

"Prove it." Steve challenged.

"Accessing archive." The computer screen shows them old footage of Johann Schmidt/Red Skull, of how the original SHIELD founders.

"HYDRA was founded on the belief that humanity could not be trusted with its own freedom. What we did not realize, was that if you try to take that freedom, they resist. The war taught us much."

"Holy shit," Vincent mumbled.

"Humanity needed to surrender its freedom willingly. After the war, SHIELD was founded and I was recruited. The new HYDRA grew. A beautiful parasite inside SHIELD. For seventy years HYDRA has been secretly feeding crisis, reaping war. And when history did not cooperate, history was changed."

Natasha walked closer to the screen. "That's impossible, SHIELD would have stopped you."

"Accidents will happen." The computer screen showed them HYDRA had killed Howard and Maria Stark making it look like a car accident along with the recent death of Fury.

"HYDRA created a world so chaotic that humanity is finally ready to sacrifice its freedom to gain its security. Once the purification process is complete, HYDRA's new world order will arise. We won, Captain. Your death amounts to the same as your Life; a zero-sum."

In anger, Steve smashed the computer screen.

"As I was saying..." Zola spoke.

"What's on this drive?" Natasha questioned getting frustrated at the computer...or person.

"Project Insight requires insight. So I wrote an algorithm."

Natasha walked closer to the computer screen. "What kind of algorithm? What does it do?"

"The answer to your question is fascinating. Unfortunately, you shall be too dead to hear it."

Natasha looked at Vincent in slight fear of what it meant by 'Too dead to hear it.' As much as she hated to admit but she was scared.

Suddenly the doors started to close, Steve tried to stop it by throwing his shield in between them but he's too late. He ran over to the door and tried to pry it open with his hands but it didn't work it was sealed shut.

"Vince, Steve, we got a bogey. Short-range ballistic. 30 seconds tops." Natasha addressed with worry laced in her voice.

"Who fired it?" Vincent inquired as he looked around the room for an entrance.

"S.H.I.E.L.D."

"I am afraid I have been stalling, Captain. Admit it, it's better this way. We're both of us...out of time." Zola told the three of them.

Vincent noticed a small opening on the ground, he threw the metal door aside and grabbed Natasha, Steve jumped in just as the place exploded and protected them with his shield.

Steve and Vincent managed to get out from under the building rubble just as STRIKE agents arrived to roam the area for them.

"Fuck." Vincent groaned picking a piece of glass out of his leg. He leaned down and picked up Natasha who was out cold.

"Come on we need to hurry," Steve spoke moving rock out of the way.

____

"She's going to be alright. Right?" Vincent asked Steve who was driving, Vince had sat in the back with Natasha who had her head resting on his lap asleep.

Steve looked in the rearview mirror. "She will be fine, Vince."

Natasha groaned as she regained consciousness. "What happened?" She asked her voice rasper then usual.

"A building fell on us," Steve uttered to her. He looked away from the road just for a split second to look back at the redhead.

"Sure feels like it." She groaned.

She looked down at her waist to see Vincent's left arm resting on her, Natasha noticed something off about it.

She and noticed when he would move his arm a little his body would tense. "What happened to your arm?"

"Nothing." He responded quickly which was a red flag for Natasha.

She reached down and touched his arm, again his body tensed. "I think your arm is broken."

"It's not, It's just sore you landed right on it." Vincent chuckled.

She looked up at him. "Sorry."

"It's fine, I still want you to pay me back."

"I'm not paying you back so get over it," Natasha rolled her eye.

Vincent gave her a playful glare before turning to Steve. "Aye, grampa where are we going?"

"To see a friend."

[flownwrong]

chaotic ckr c6d squee propaganda (?) post

This, started half a year ago for @ds30below, was initially a general c6d short reviews post but kinda skewed majorly towards CKR's repertoire and wasn't too review-y. So I gave up on making sense and on including the non-CKR works. I don't know who the audience for this is, because I never give basic details for people who don't know about this stuff but say too much for those who do. I giffed what I could and tried to avoid what I know a lot about but haven't actually seen. Here goes.

Frank's Cock (1993)

Not much to say. It's only 8 minutes, it's beautiful and you should see it if you haven't. I won't spoil the subject, but you can likely guess. Watch it, cry a little. Then go watch some more of Mike Hoolboom's stuff, the vimeo link above is from his channel.

Two X-Files episodes (1994 – 1995)

Well, I haven't actually seen X-files since I was about fifteen and watched the like two seasons, and I remember none of it. I rewatched the two early episodes CKR appears in and they were fun. I did not watch the, the movie or whatever where he's doing the evil gay thing. But really, this one is on the list so I can show you this self-indulgent gif of him being Very Long:

Double Happiness (1994)

You shouldn't watch this one for CKR. I mean, you absolutely should see him here, looking like he's barely out of his teens and playing up the insecure act and having devastating chemistry with devastatingly beautiful Sandra Oh, but this is not why it's great. And it's really, really great. It's touching and funny and sincere. If you wanna have some feels about complicated family relationships and identity and growing up (at any point in life), you'll find them here.

Curtis's Charm (1995)

Don't regret watching it, can't recommend. Not gonna lie, I was emotionally affected. But I usually am by things as in-your-face bleak as this. Mostly, it's trying very hard to be smarter than it is, I think.

However: CKR's One Wild Curl is everything to me (see above, on the right. It was, like, actually curly. I was rendered speechless). And like two seconds of Hugh Dillon made me do a double-take, lol. Incredibly weird knowing this was shot like half a year before HCL began shooting. Feels like it must've been a decade earlier.

Hard Core Logo (1996)

I could make three separate posts about this one, so of course I have no idea what to say.

This one, you should watch for CKR, actually, he's something, but so is every single other aspect of this film. I wouldn't change a thing about it. It hits you like a 16 wheeler. Perfectly cast, unimaginably beautiful, hysterical and melancholy and disgusting and compelling.

Related recs:

A wonderfully fun article/retrospective/interview for its 20th anniversary a while back.

You should also absolutely read Hard Core Roadshow if you enjoyed the film. It's a book documenting the whole thing from conception to release. It touched me for its own sake, not just a backstage glance, full of love for the craft and the people and carrying this tangible bittersweetness about the heightened and fleeting nature of this kind of work.

(here, I feel compelled to include a quote from another c6d-related interview on Slings & Arrows, which I read after the book and went like man, it's really a universal experience isn't it.

Coyne: <...> But I also think, and this is my experience, what we were all experiencing, because we were all talking about our lives, our life in the arts — there’s something very melancholy about doing something you love, because it will never be good enough, it will always break your heart.

McKinney: Or it will be fleeting.

Coyne: It’ll be fleeting. You come together with people you feel passionately connected to and two weeks later they’re tearing down the sets.)

Quotes from the article and the book respectively include:

McDonald: So there was a kind of mutual dependency society with Hugh telling Callum, “Don’t worry, man, I got your back, I’ll tell you how high or low to wear your guitar, I’ll tell you how you should dress, I’ll tell you what you should drink…” and Callum was like, “I’ll tell you what hitting your mark is, I’ll tell you why they pull out fucking tape measures, I’ll tell you why you have to do it again, I’ll tell you about not overlapping dialogue..” and you know they clung to each other, like the other one was gonna fucking save them.

And:

A final gathering at the back of the tour bus with Bruce, Callum, Hugh, Bernie. We listen to the tape of HCL songs, all the way through, one last time. And we belt the words out. Bernie sings loudest, performing for Salerno's camera. Hugh and Callum sit back, looks of sadness. I get the sense that if they could do it, they'd chuck their lives and be Joe Dick and Billy Tallent forever. Callum leans to Bruce and says exactly what everyone else is thinking: "I don't want it to end."

There's much more to both texts than *gestures* the whatever those two had, but it certainly doesn't hurt.

And Xeriscape is the best HCL fic I've read. Granted, I read very few because it's not a source that creates in me a craving for fic. But this one perfectly matches the film's fucked up beauty with its language while also adding a quieter, more fraught layer of humanity that we only get glimpses of in canon and that perfectly fits John. 10/10, would recommend.

Anyway. Watch it. Read it. If you haven't. Otherwise, come scream with meeee! And go reblog my gifs or something. Idk.

Letters From Home (1996)

Mike Hoolboom strikes again, with another short. This goes into the "don't watch it for CKR, watch it because it's great" box. Yes, you will cry.

For Those Who Hunt The Wounded Down (1996)

Another bleak one! It sucked to watch, I mean, on purpose. There were a couple of very effective scenes. I really enjoyed the opening. They say the book is decent too, I haven't checked that out.

Actually, let's just switch back from coherent thought to undignified staring at his mouth with this one. What the fuck is that cigarette thing. I couldn't help myself.

Last Night (1998)

These gifs are not representative of the whole movie. There is more happening than CKR kissing or hugging people. He's also doing more than just kissing and hugging. It's all very... impressive.

Guess who's also here again? Sandra Oh! And say hi to Don McKellar, who is an absolute champion for writing/directing/starring. You'll be seeing more of him.

Another one for the "watch it for its own sake" box. Seriously, that late 90s indie stuff is banger after banger. It's so beautiful! Look at those colours! Look at those shots! It's very uneasy and charming and melanchioly and itself in the best way.

Twitch City (1998 – 2000)

Don McKellar is back to murder you with discomfort! Bruce McDonald lends a hand. Molly Parker is also here. And Daniel McIvor, who'd go on to direct, for example, Wilby Wonderful. It's a party. If you watched some stuff from above (or below) on this list, most faces and names will be familiar to you, tbh (another Hugh Dillon double-take happens).

If you liked Spaced, you'll love this. You might also love it because it commits to its weirdness with an admirable resolve and is genuinely hilarious. (Honestly, CKR's outfits alone warrant a watch.) The idiosyncrasy is definitely Don McKellar's doing 200%. It couldn't be more different from Last Night, but if you've seen one, you'll recognise the other.

Battlestar Galactica (2003 – 2009)

I don't think a person should be allowed to look this pretty in the sweaty-and-dying makeup in that light (this sentence probably looks very weird to those not under the CKR magic spell).

I don't know what to say about BSG because I really, really enjoyed early it initially, but by the middle of S2 it got... well, whatever that was. If you know you know, if you don't, still give it a go. You might get invested enough to suffer through it all, as I have been, slowly.

The unfortunate thing is that CKR got to be there mostly in the "what the fuck" years and not the "wow that's so cool" years. That, as you might be aware, is a pattern with him. But! When he was here, he was so genuinely, wonderfully creepy not in the typecast-baddy way, but in this slow, half-absent way, which really worked. You can also see him tortured a little, as a treat!! <3

Also, a wild John Pyper-Ferguson appears! If you're looking at him thinking you know him from somewhere but not immediately remembering, you'll figure it out, I believe in you. I was very happy to see him.

Wilby Wonderful (2004)

Another win for the put CKR in more good shit team!!! Guess who's here again? Sandra Oh! Also, Paul Gross. Don't watch it for him either though haha.

Another one for whoever wants to look at pushing against the weight of others' (or your own) expectations and growing into who you are or reconsidering who you are or finding meaningful connections with others even when you're kind of a mess and they are too.

Not nearly the first time CKR's gotten to play a queer character, but man, this one really is the heart of the in-universe community, and, through that, of the film. A rare chance to see him so far out of the prickly persona! He's just so solid and calm and there for others in this one and, and soft, ough. It's awesome.

By the way, if any of you have the commentary track or know someone who has, please drop me a line here or on discord (emotionalrisotto), I really wanna hear that.

Supernatural (2005)

I love Supernatural a lot. It was a formative experiences (albeit a very late one) and I owe a lot of my favourite stuff about fandom-ing to the buddies I met through it. I can't believe I'm telling you this (because who hasn't seen it, not because I'm reccing it), but you should really try it if you haven't. It's pretty rad.

I had no idea who this guy was when I saw that episode (the second ever one!), though. I simply cannot fathom what @nigeltde-fic felt when she first saw it. I think I personally got very lucky she didn't combust on the spot. It would've been unfortunate.

On a sillier note, CKR's character has weird tension with both Sam and Dean in this episode, which is par for the course. I personally think they should've... no, I shan't say it. You can probably imagine.

Californication (2008 – 2013)

I haven't actually seen it, lol (and I suspect I won't enjoy it, but I'm very curious and also CKR looks really really good).

The real reason for this one on the list is to share a fic rec. Really, it's a due South F/K fic featuring Lew Ashby. It's ridiculously hot and very satisfying in its romantic resolution, too (but then, I'm kind of big on selfcest. And consensual voyeurism. And pretend relationships when done like this. And sublimated yearning. Erm.)

Shattered (2010 – 2011)

I wish this never happened. I badly, badly wish this never happened. I can't turn back time, but I can warn those luckier than me: do not go there. Yes, even for this dude. You'll sleep better not knowing just what it is he was the EP on. And the only important part — the mascara — can be seen above (yes, the show does look that bad, it's not just the gifs).

Just kidding — I watched it, didn't I? You'll have fun hating it! Just prepare for industrial grade cringe, lower your expectations (No, lower. No, still lower than that. And just a bit more.) and you'll have a great time!

Star trek: Discovery (2024)

Or, as I call it, Star Trek: The Mediocre Show. Discovery S5 was... what it was, but it was a wonderful viewing experience — mostly thanks to the gang (@kittkatk and @feroxargentea especially!)

What a joy it is, to follow a show week by week, yelling and laughing and discussing the whole time. And giffing, too. I was very happy to contribute to the Disco fandom from my own little obsessive corner, and I was glad to see people adoring Rayner, haha.

He's a pretty neat character — very much a stereotype, yes, but with CKR's usual twist of odd vulnerability and weirdness. Also, I loved the ears. I miss the ears. The ears were great.

I even wrote a fic! Although it's not within my usual range to write for canons and universes I don't know well — and back then, I'd only seen S5 of Disco. It was a lot of suffering, and a lot of fun.

Closing thoughts

I'd really love the dude to get a better agent. And possibly better taste, but I realise that's a tougher ask. Seriously, it's been too long since he was in something majorly cool. I'm grateful to him, at least, for not making terrible music on the side. And I still have a lot of his back catalogue to get through, some of it even good, so there will be more insanity. Until then!

[thrown-away-opinions]

"OP thinks there's way of helping people we haven't discovered yet ... Just make everything free and invent new stuff." Something about this gave me a flash of the future; we're going to have at least five years but likely more of braindead communists making assertions like this. "I asked the Omnibrain and it said this could happen. Why do we not just do what the Omnibrain said??" Just a worse version of "but THEORY says..." from people who'd starve if uber eats went out of business.

Appeal to authority isn't new, but unlike ideological bias where people convince themselves that Marx was a genius and therefore anything he had to say on anything was true, AI has this reputation of being trained on the totality of human knowledge. It hasn't, of course, but people think that chatGPT (omnibrain lol) is like a giant magical supercomputer that is just constantly gobbling up all information, opinions, beliefs, books, posts, etc, and then processing it through an unbiased, enlightened superbrain which has determined total objective truth. Again, it doesn't actually do that, but it's like the ultimate appeal to authority.

I don't know if anyone remembers that one shitty atheist meme that's like "when you debate with me, you're actually debating with Dawkins and Hitchens and Sagan, etc" -- and it's kind of the same thing here. You can't deny someone their belief in Omnibrain's omniscience because you're arguing with what they think is the totality of all human knowledge (not really) and therefore you cannot be smarter than Omnibrain and Omnibrain can't be wrong.

And it would be bad enough if it were limited to politics, which is already divisive and full of idiotic ideas that should not be validated by AI telling someone what they want to hear, but I'm already seeing it extended to all kinds of retarded bullshit. Flat Earthers going and saying "I asked chatGPT and it said this proves the Earth is flat" kind of shit. If someone frames their question in the slightest way to imply that what they want to hear is an answer that confirms their beliefs, that's exactly what they'll get with very, very few exceptions.

[makingspiritualityreal]

would you say that you're happy with where you are in life? why or why not

Happiness is an elusive state in human life, and it depends on many factors. That’s why we study astrology, because we want to understand our fate. Dasha periods change and circumstances change. As much as we like to think we have control over everything, we are here to learn from all experiences. Everything around influences us, and limits our life to an extent, and a lot of things take time. I guess you can say that a person is happy when they have arrived at a place, where they can be at peace with certain things despite smaller inconveniences that life always brings to every one. Which means, that to be happy on a more permanent basis, you need to have a certain level of maturity, because everyone takes time to arrive at something in life, in one way or another.

I am happy with myself, because I proved to myself that I am capable of making difficult decisions in life, I know how to do the right thing even when it’s hard, I know how to let go of certain things. There is nothing in my life, that I wish I would have done differently. I am happy and proud to have solidified into certain lifestyle choices and beliefs, and to have found myself in my calling as a spiritual teacher, knowing there is so much I know that I contribute. I know it will be a part of my life in some way till my last day, and that it’s something very needed in this world. So many people go through life feeling lost, not understanding things that are obvious to me, and I can help with that. It makes me happy to know I have a place in the world like that, even if it’s not a big one. I am aware that not only is astrology niche to begin with, but the particular brand that I use is even more narrow. I don’t really care, because I know it works, so whoever is meant to, will find it.

I am unfulfilled in other ways, because I had a difficult personal life, which in a way gave me a gift of understanding things many other people don’t. But for me, personally, it was not fun to miss out on so much, and always lag behind despite working hard, while my peers enjoyed a better life, not because they were smarter, or better people, but because they had less problems and a better family. Of course, I am aware it also works the other way, and there are children in foster care that I can do nothing for but pray, because their odds are worse than what I experienced. But doesn’t anyone deserve to want something for themselves? I always feel like I need to excuse my very existence, and I'm so ready to help others I don't even notice they put me in a bad place, and my own needs get swept up in the corner. Sometimes you need someone else to also maybe look at you and wonder about what you really need. I always gave that to others if I could, but I didn't really meet with reciprocity. I had some relatives love me blindly and unconsciously, meaning I could wear rags and they wouldn't care but I didn't really feel seen either. Human selfishness disgusts me, and makes it hard to live in a way, and forces me to do many things by myself. And when I did, I got a lot of bullying for it. I used to be a very creative person, I sang, I danced and painted, and that completely vanished from my life, out of complete lack of opportunity and the flooding of negativity I had to deal with.

Still, Astrology teaches us that life is about cycles and they’re all different. I’ve been living in Dashas of malefics my whole life. I only went through Saturn, Malefic Mercury (conjunct Rahu) and I’m now in Ketu. I wonder if I will have something promising going on in a couple of years.

TLDR; No, because there are a lot of fundamental things in my life still missing, for reasons outside of my control. I need an opportunity for some serious healing of my own. Yes, because among the things I could control, I’ve achieved the maximum of what I could, and I’m at peace with myself.

[sunnyie-eve]

29 | Zoo

Series: Unexpected

Paring: (Matt Sturniolo x OFC Brock!) (Chris Sturniolo x OFC Brock!)

Word Count: 1.8k

Warnings: none

| MASTERLIST |

"Today we are doing something we've never done before." Nick starts.

"Something a little different." Chris adds.

"Something a little extra. A little pizzazz and flare." Nick adds more.

"Basically this video, me, Matt, and Nick splurged and spent a good amount of money." Chris explains making Nick hate the word choice, "And bought out the entire Roar and Snore Safari at the San Diego Zoo today."

"I have hidden cheez-its in here so I hope they don't find it." Chris shows his bag/

"Are we surprised though?" Dani laughs at him as he points of the fruity pebbles too.

"Dinner's like at ten and they serve till like 5 am." Nick tells the viewers.

"Like, we're not 80 years old." Chris adds.

"Hey, sometimes I get late night munchies." Dani tells them since she didn't find it odd.

"You catch me at 4 am in the elephant habitat." Chris jokes around.

"With a flashlight on." Nick jokes as well.

"With a flashlight on and fruity pebbles. Isn't it crazy like Elephants really like in the wild, they don't know what a flashlight is." Chris tells the group.

Dani looks over to him with a concerning look, "Chris, I love you but don't speak your thoughts."

"You shine a flashlight at it it's probably like what the heck." He laughs.

"I think that's with all animals." Matt says following the group.

"I'm so afraid actually..." Nick says as they walk to the Zip-line.

"Memo and Dani are going first." Chris lets viewers know, "We've never formally introduced Memo. He's just filming for us."

"Have fun guys." Nick shouts to the two.

"I hate heights but whatever." Dani looks over to them.

"She really does." Chris confirms.

"You talking shit over there?"

"She's such a pain." Chris mumbles.

"Chris, I can literally hear you over there still." She laughs at him.

"Sorry,"

After the zip line the group gets confused on which way they were supposed to go to get to their guide, "Ah it's so cold." Chris shakes, "This is the left." He points for the group.

"That the... this is the right." Nick tells him and the two start to debate which is the right way to go while Dani stood still with her arms crossed at them.

"You're going the wrong way." She speaks up to tell Chris.

"It's to the left, am I losing my mind?" He looks around so him and the other two walk off while Dani stayed behind before going in the right direction alone finding their guide.

"I think we should listen to Dani." Matt says slowing down as the three walk together.

"Then go back to her." Chris tells him.

"I think she was right about the other way."

"We did leave her alone back there." Nick tells the two then look at Memo recording them.

"I gotta use the restroom." Matt finds one leave the two so as they wait for him they talk about Dani.

"I bet she went to the camp alone." Nick tells Chris.

"But this the left so she's wrong."

"Dude, she's a girl so she's smarter than us three combined." Nick laughs.

"Don't give her too much credit."

Once Matt was done they walk back in the direction they just came from and saw Dani was no longer there, "Dani literally left us because we went the wrong way." Matt couldn't believe it.

"Because she went left unlike us." Nick points out.

Chris rolls his eyes, "We went left, you can't tell me I was wrong. I don't know how she somehow got it right." He says refusing to admit he went the wrong way.

"Because she went left!" Nick raises his voice a bit.

"If we were lost in the wild, we would get lost more and die." Matt points out to the two.

"And she would live." Chris agrees seeing where Matt was going. "I can't believe she didn't come get us before wondering off."

"For one, we wondered off first lost and confused." Nick corrects him.

"It's not wondering if she saw us walk away from her." Chris snaps back while Matt was busy trying to figure out what tents were around them.

"This tent, this tent according to my map... Is tent number..."

"Oh, Joseph and Dani!" Chris spots the two in the distance, "She's with our guide." He and Nick jog off ahead of Matt.

"That was tent 38 by the way." He still finishes.

When they get to Dani and their guide, Joseph, he talked to them a bit before asking if they have any questions and they tell him no.

"It has a step for Dani." Chris jokes about the telescope pointing it out.

She just gives him a look before going over to the other free one to look through it, "Nothing." She left go of it not knowing Chris had his hand in the way getting it crushed.

"Oh my god are you serious? You just let go and hurt my hand." He holds it with his other hand as Matt laughs at him.

"Don't put your hand there. Why would you, dummy." She tells him before reaching for his hand to look at it, "Doesn't even look hurt you big baby. Sorry but next time watch out."

-

"How tall is a baby giraffe?" Chris asks their guide as the come by them, "Like how tall is Elliot?"

"So at birth how tall would you guess?" Joseph asks the group and they all say their guesses and only Dani was close and right.

"Meanwhile Dani is the size of a baby monkey." Chris jokes looking back at his brothers while Dani stares at him sitting next to him.

"She's gonna punch you. Look at her face right now." Nick sees the death glare across her face so Chris looks at her sticking his tongue out at her shaking his head making her giggle.

"You're such a pain."

-

"Can I run to the bathroom quickly?" Nick asks as the head to dinner so they point it out where it is for him and Matt goes with him while Chris and Dani get their food.

"I feel odd." Dani laughs as she gets her food.

"Because it's just us here really."

When the other two join them to eat, Dani kind of just sits in silence while they all chat. She was just enjoying the food and the night.

"I can't believe... I'm super respectful that the lions are over there. But like, I can picture... other teens." Nick starts as they stand in their tent.

"Throwing rocks at them."

"Shining the flashlights at them." Nick  adds more.

"We're fully unsupervised and there's an African Elephant right there. Like we could do just about anything right now." Chris points out.

"I've never had this much easy access to an African Elephant ever before in my life." Nick says making Dani laughs at him.

"Of course you wouldn't in the past. Why would you?" She laughs more so Matt covers her mouth.

"They're right there." Nick points in the direction outside of the tent.

"I could probably hit them with this cup. I'm not gonna but I definitely could." Chris looks at his cup in his hand.

"It's just crazy that we're here and have Dani with us." Nick gives her a smile and the other two cheer.

While they look at the tigers and Joseph talks about them, Matt looks at Dani and leans towards her, " You radiate baby Tiger." He laughs.

"I hate you so much." She shoves him away, "How do I?"

"Small and thinks they're all that but they aren't yet till they're grown." He shoves her now.

"I'm gonna get you in your sleep one day." She glares at him.

-

"I think of Perry the Platypus from umm," Chris starts and the guys knew what he meant so they agree.

"Ooh look Matt!" Dani calls him over moving her hand to tell him to hurry up. They watch two lay next to each other compared with to all the others staying away from each other.

"Normally the males and females avoid each other except to mate. Those two are oddly don't follow that that and it's our first time seeing such a thing. As soon as we brought her in a couple of months ago he has been by her side. They are the closest two in there. Not even the siblings we have are close." Joseph explains to the group.

"So the platypus version of you two?" Chris laughs looking at the two.

"Shut up." They both tell him at the same time.

-

Before bed, they all have some s'mores, enjoying the night before getting ready for bed. Dani felt weird in the bathroom alone since the boys were all together in their bathroom. Not sure wanting to be alone for too long she hurry's then goes back to the tent.

For bed, Dani slept in the middle between Nick and Matt. It was the most comfortable she's even been since they were all squished.

"Good morning world. Good morning friends. We're gonna get ready for today." Nick holds the camera as they wake up for the day.

"We just got a wake up call at the zoo." Chris adds out of view.

"Literally, we woke up and she's like Good Morning. Sounds like me starting a podcast." Nick mocks the lady.

"Matt move over." Dani whines wanting to get out of the bed having trouble breathing a bit.

"Don't unzip it, I need to change my underwear." Matt tells Chris as he messes with the tent's window.

"I'll zip it back up."

"I want out of the bed but I'm stuck!" Dani gets annoyed and panicking deep down.

"Get out of her way Matt." Chris tells him.

"Yeah, we were sardines last night." Nick explains for the viewers, "This is a 4 person tent so Dani slept in the middle between Matt and I. Why did we think three 20 year old's would fit in a full size bed?"

Dani finally gets out of the bedroom going to the bathroom seeing a her neck and chest were in a rash. She knew she hadn't had any food with or near pineapple so she looks around the bathroom. Her eyes come across on of the bars of soap and it was Pineapple.

"Son of a bitch." She tries not to over react.

"Dani, you okay? You've been in there for a while." She hears Nick after some time.

She comes out scratching her neck to hide the rash from him, "I'm not feel good. I'm having an allergic reaction to something. I have a little rash and can't breathe so I'm just gonna stay in the tent." She lets him know.

"You don't want to join us for breakfast?"

"I'm good. Y'all continue with your day." She leaves him.

"Dani isn't feeling well this morning." Nick joins the boys at breakfast, "She said something is irritating her. She can't breathe and has a rash. She thinks it's an allergic reaction to something."

"Is it serious?" Matt asks worried.

"She said it's nothing serious."

As the guys continue with their visit, Dani starts to get worse so she tells someone. They were gonna take her to a hospital nearby but she told them not to tell the boys because they would worry. That if they were to ask says it was nothing too serious and they could go pick her up when they were done with the trip.