#if sfs finally shits itself one day

[m0ckest]

please rb for bigger sample size <3

[curiosity-killed]

hello! what are your top five (or more) hualian fics? I can't just keep rereading your fics so I desperately need some recs! c:

adsjhlk anonnn ;A; ah okay so some of my faves pulled from my top tier of bookmarks (which is wildly subjective and depends upon the day and mood but oh well. here we are):

(under cut bc this got real long)

you'll know, you'll fall by mme_anxious

Rating: E

Summary:

“We talked about it,” Xie Lian says, hearing the frustration in his voice. “I want to go to the next step.” “It's okay if you don't—” Hua Cheng started. “I do! God, I want it so much. I don't want you thinking that I don't. I—I think about it all the time, San Lang.” Hua Cheng looks pleased, the tops of his cheekbones flushing to match his red shirt, and his thumb strokes the back of Xie Lian's hand. “What do you think about, gege?” -- Xie Lian seeks a lesson in desire. And another. And another.

My notes (apologies for this one it’s drawn straight from my bookmark notes lmao):

INTIMACY IS WORTH THE VULNERABILITY! TRUST IS REAL! LOVE EXISTS! HOLY SHIT!!!

i might be tearing up a little bit bc of the abundance of love and care apparent both between hualian and in the writing of this fic. it's. A Lot.

Animal and Real by etymologyplayground (but also all of EP’s hualian fics because they’re the fics I most reread ^^’)

Rating: T

Summary:

Ling Wen and Shi Qing Xuan establish the communication array, and then Ling Wen leaps into the well and disappears. Shi Qing Xuan walks over and sits in front of Xie Lian and Hua Cheng. "So," she says. "Dianxia. Crimson Rain Seeks Flower. Fancy meeting you here."

--

Book 1 ended on a cliffhanger. I fell off.

Alternate summary: "Xie Lian's Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day" Slowly Animorphs Into "Xie Lian And Hua Cheng Have A Nice Day, Actually"

My notes:

I like...don’t...actually....have words for this LMAO but basically I love, love, love Xie Lian getting to be hurt and hurting and Hua Cheng finding different ways to comfort and help him and actually talking about things (like Xie Lian accidentally hurting Hua Cheng’s feelings and them actually TALKING ABOUT IT) and just hnnnn yeah. this is like my go-to fic haha but I heartily rec all of etymologyplayground’s fics for tgcf (also many mdzs/cql fics but i am apparently behind in reading those orz)

le renard apprivoisé by hilarions

Rating: G

Summary:

If you tame me, it will be as if the sun came to shine on my life. I shall know the sound of a step that will be different from all the others, and hearing it will call me like music out of my burrow. You will understand that the things that are yours are unique in all the world. You become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed.

My notes:

Ah gosh. Hua Cheng equating himself with a starving, injured wild thing that doesn’t deserve care or compassion, Xie Lian telling him he loves him the fox anyway, the nature of dessert and love hnnn it’s a good time

Panopticon by @pengiesama​

Rating: M

Summary:

Jun Wu has built a very splendid home for Xie Lian, with gifts and friends and wondrous sights just for him. He will be very happy there.

Xie Lian won't take this house arrest lying down.

(Inspired by the book/movie Coraline, by Neil Gaiman.)

My notes:

Just an absolutely delectable balance of suspense and mild horror and love and aaahhh sometimes I forget that parts of this aren’t canon bc this is basically accepted as my canon of Jun Wu. Also “I was taller than that” will never not be my favorite thing

Tame to Fortune's Blows + Something Foreknown by crowdedcafe

Rating: M and T, respectively

Summaries:

For eight hundred years, Ruoye is Xie Lian’s only companion. It tries its best to ease some of his hardships, to lessen the misery he feels. But Ruoye is only a length of silk, and sometimes its love simply isn’t enough in the face of Xie Lian’s suffering.

Or, Ruoye loves Xie Lian when others don’t know how.

(TFB)

E-ming is born with a hole in his heart and an emptiness in his soul. Through centuries of hearing stories about Hua Cheng's beloved, E-ming grows to love the man he was born missing.

(SF)

My notes:

Just really lovely character studies essentially of Xie Lian and Hua Cheng through the lens of their weapons. personally I think they’re best read together but they are each standalone, canon-compliant fics 

ALSO:

Innocence Died Screaming, Honey Ask Me I Should Know by @eponinemylove​

Rating: T

Summary:

Hua Cheng puts a finger to his temple thoughtfully. He asks, "Who wants to tell me what the deal is with all these damn petals?"

The communication array goes completely silent, a feat almost in itself. Hua Cheng muses silently that gods can, apparently, shut the fuck up—they just choose not to. How convenient.

It takes a moment before Ling Wen manages to speak up. "Your Highness," she says carefully, "what did you say just now?"

"These white petals? There's got to be a hundred of them. The man just—oh yeah, there was a man—exploded into them. What's up with that?"

There's a long stretch of silence where it feels like all of Heaven is holding its breath.

Finally, Ling Wen responds. Her voice is clipped as she asks, "What do you know about the Four Calamities? Specifically, White Flower Mourns Massacre?"

Alternatively: the one where Hua Cheng is a martial god, Xie Lian is a calamity, and nobody is at all what they seem.

My notes:

AAAAAAHHHHH. GOD. THIS FIC. it would be embarrassing to admit how many times I’ve reread it (also I don’t know. late night decisions are not meant to be recorded in the ledger of memory) but it’s so fucking good. The characterization, the threads pulled from canon along with the deviations and alterations and the suSPENSE i am McLosing It. pls god someone come yell abt this fic with me i love it sm

I have such low Fic Reading Energy but. this babe. i see an update email and start vibrating like a gd electron.

Some other authors I trust with my heart and soul: @xihe-jun, merthurlin, atomicmuffin, uhhh I’m definitely missing people orz

[classywritings]

Tuned

Description: usually perceptive, it seems as if your fiancé’s senses have dulled for once. A pity truly, considering how much you desire for Akira to notice your current mood.

Words: +1,100

Warning: n/sf/w content

You shift your position, trying to get comfortable. Though the movie that plays on the large tv screen in front of you is a film you’ve seen only once, you pay little mind to it, just like you’ve been doing for the past twenty minutes. It’s very difficult to focus since you decided to be more risky and up the setting on the vibrator a notch. Even despite doing so, your fiancé hasn’t noticed as he happily munches away on popcorn, his ruby eyes glued to the film. Normally his perception is on point, yet tonight it seems to have been switched off.

Inwardly, you huff. Of all the nights you’d like him to notice such a mood, he decides to switch it all off and focus on a movie. Typical.

Outwardly, you shift once again, biting your lip as you scoot closer to Akira. Absentmindedly his free arm drops from the couch to situate itself around your shoulders, allowing you to bury into the male. Your heart thrumming a little more, you bury your nose into him, inhaling his scent deeply. “You’re so warm,” you murmur.

Akira snorts. “Of course. I’m part dragon, after all.”

“Mh, it’s really nice…” Continuing to bite your lip, you wrap your arms around his body, then decide to straddle his lap. He stiffens, not moving once you do. There we go. Will you finally notice, my love?

“Is there something you need, treasure?”

You nose his neck, sighing deeply. You don’t answer him, just staying put and keeping your mouth shut. After a moment or two of silence between the both of you, you hear the tv go quiet, a gentle thunk signalling he put the popcorn bowl down on the end table next to the couch. Then, his hands settle on your hips, squeezing them gently.

“Hm?” He squeezes them once again, yet you don’t reply. Instead you lay a gentle kiss on his neck, resisting the urge to grind against him. The vibrations from the toy aren’t unbearable, per se, but as time dwindles on…

Akira sighs. One hand of his begins to rub distracting circles on your waist. Now it’s your turn to hum, enjoying the touch more than you let on.

“Come now, love.” Your eyes fly open, a gasp ripping from your throat as your heartbeat jumps then skyrockets. The vibrator has suddenly started shaking violently, clearly having been tuned up. “Tell me, is there something you need?”

Wide eyed, you pull back to look at Akira, breathing turning heavy all the while. It takes every ounce of your willpower to not start grinding on his thighs. Your willpower stutters when you see the smug smirk lighting up his face, however, your hips bouncing forward a little as the setting jumps a little higher for a moment. As you lock eyes, you see him relax back, clearly showing the remote to your vibrator in his other hand. He must’ve grabbed it from your back pocket with his free hand when he was distracting you with his touch.

You bite your lip again, whimpering as your hips start to move on their own accord. Your eyes close, unable to stand his smug stare. “You knew all along, didn’t you?” You ask him, somehow managing to keep your voice steady.

“Maybe I did, maybe I didn’t. That, I will leave for you to decide. For now,” he trails off and you can feel his eyes roaming your body. “You shall be punished for not receiving prior permission to this. I shall not touch you until you beg for it.”

“Akir—oh fuck!” The setting turns up all the way, making you squeeze your eyes shut as your head falls back. If your eyes were open, you’d be staring at the ceiling, instead you whimper sightlessly at it, grinding down hard against your fiancé’s thighs to try and get some much needed friction. It does little to help, however, only serving to further frustrate you.

As he keeps the setting so high, you can feel an orgasm fast approaching. Your voice gets louder as it comes closer and closer, but Akira stays silent, just watching you intently. When you feel as if you’re about to fall over the edge is when his lips twitch, his thumb rapidly turning down the setting on the remote. In return your eyes fly open, whimpering breathlessly as the vibrator slows its rapid assault to just barely there shakes. Your hips continue to undulate against Akira’s thighs, but your orgasm drops away with such little stimulation.

Looking at Akira pleadingly causes him to laugh harshly. “Let me reiterate myself, treasure, I shall not touch you until I hear that gorgeous voice of your’s begging.”

“But-but you didn’t say anything about”—

“Orgasming? Oh, that is a treat you are allowed when I allow it.” He grins, it positively shit-eating. You glare at him, and as petty revenge, you pull yourself closer to him and grind hard down on him. A small ounce of happiness is known as his expression stutters, a low growl rumbling in his chest. “How naughty of you. Now you’ll pay.”

He tunes up the vibrator again, watching with narrowed eyes as you moan shamelessly and begin to undulate your hips again. This time, you bury your head in the crook of his neck, then sink your teeth into the skin there, starting to leave a hickey. Akira growls again, yet doesn’t move his hands and touch you like her normally would. Instead, he bucks his hips up just as you grind down on him, grinning in satisfied retaliation as you stop your assault on his neck and moan again, this time louder.

Now he rocks his hips to your rhythm and you can feel his erection as clear as day. If the vibrator currently inside you didn’t feel so good, you’d be begging him to take you by now. All you can do is enjoy this, falling apart even faster this time due to him answering your hips with his own thrusts.

Akira watches greedily as you fall apart on his lap, letting your orgasm take you this time. You cry out his name, your hips stuttering and faltering in their movements, but he doesn’t let up, continuing his rhythm without pause. You swear you see stars, a white light, something, as you orgasm, it all coming back to you in fragments. Somewhat merciful, he slowly tunes down the vibrator as you settle, leaving it on the low setting once again as you try to catch your breath.

However, once you’ve nearly caught your breath, he turns it up again, not on the highest setting, but far up enough to make you whimper due to overstimulation.

“What did I tell you, treasure?” He hisses. “You’re going to be punished. I refuse to touch you until you’re soaking and begging for me, now.

[azems-familiar]

2, 4, 19, 39 for that pairing ask thing, for revan/alek/bastila of course

2) how’s their team work? do they share well?

so this Really depends on what era/verse of the gang but in 90% of them Alek and Bastila have this Silent Petty Rivalry going on for ages while Revan is utterly oblivious because holy shit Two Whole People. Revan is not smart. given that i write them as a V (haaard headcanon Bastila as a lesbian), Alek and Bastila utterly refuse to admit they’re friends for ages - oh my god the rivalry in the hp au is especially hilarious - but they Band Together the moment anyone threatens Revan. there are petty contests over who gets to get the closest seat next to Revan and many other things, it’s objectively hilarious, especially since they’re all completely awful at communication.

they do eventually get their shit together though and end up a good, solid team. there are a lot of things Revan shares with Alek that Bastila just can’t in the end understand, especially related to the war in my canon verse (i could give you a whole other set of paragraphs about them in the hp au ask me on discord if you really want that ramble), but post Star Forge there’s also a lot that Revan can only really talk to Bastila about - re the Council, the mind wipe, and Bastila understands the fall and return a lot better given that Revan post-Reveal went a little off the deep end into the Dark Side before realizing that oh, she doesn’t actually Want That. so they manage to find their footing and a good dynamic because Alek and Bastila both love Revan a lot and so are able to put aside their differences for her. (although there’s a whole lot to work through immediately post-SF re Bastila’s whole. imprisonment. which is a bit of a mess. but that’s another subject i’m rambling OOPS)

4. first impression of each other? was it love at first sight?

Revan and Alek met in the creche when Revan was five and Alek six. they Instantly Bonded. Alek’s realization of oh shit i’m in love happened the night they were knighted - Revan was nineteen and Alek twenty, and look he knew he’d had feelings but he’d been trying to avoid them, but then they went out and stole a speeder together and took it for a joyride and Revan was laughing into the wind and oh. oh no. then he spent four YEARS suffering in silence because she was too stupid and oblivious to pick up on it or realize her Own feelings until midway through the first war.

meanwhile, Revan’s first impression of Bastila was her fighting Brejik after the swoop race. Revan watched her and went oh no and Carth, who had previously been rebuffed because “i don’t do romance”, went “yeah i think i’m just not your type”. he was very right.

Bastila on the other hand has had a sort of hero worship crush on Revan since midway through the Mandalorian Wars, when she would hide bootleg holos of Revan’s fights under her mattress and even though she had no idea what Revan actually looked like it was a Whole Thing. meeting Revan as Shala did not help this crush in the slightest.

19) what do they fight about? what are their arguments like? how do they make up?

Actual Arguments are pretty rare; most of the times their fights are about incredibly small, stupid, petty things and they’re just bickering. all three of them bicker with each other as a form of affection. the Real Actual arguments tend to come over things like Revan deciding to abandon a planet to save Alek’s life during the war (because oh Yeah does that come out at some point post-amnesia) or about Revan’s sacrifices in general or about Revan running off to do something incredibly stupid alone because clearly that’s her best plan.

Revan and Alek get extremely sharp and cutting with each other if it’s bad, or they just get snappy in general because Revan is Determined and Alek is equally determined because he’s worried, damn it, Revan, and then Revan storms off and there are shields for like. a few hours. HOURS max. they’re too codependent to be apart longer than that especially with the bond. post SF it’s a bit different but i haven’t quite worked out all the details of their relationship there yet. they generally make up with a lot of silent apology and promises of affection across the bond and a lot of cuddling. Alek is almost always the one who gives in first.

Revan and Bastila’s arguments are a lot more explosive because Bastila also has a temper, they are vaguely less codependent, they tend to say things they’ll regret later and then Revan will go complain to Alek about it and he’ll get very annoyed. (on the Hawk it’s Jolee who plays relationship counselor. he is so tired. s o  t i r e d) eventually Revan finds a way to apologize without actually apologizing and generally attempts to like, do something thoughtful or bring Bastila something nice to help. Bastila, who is less ridiculously proud, can actually say the words “i’m sorry” without having an allergic reaction.

Alek and Bastila.... well. they can go for days on end without speaking to each other, while remaining perfectly unified on Revan’s Behalf. is this a healthy dynamic? perhaps not. but when has this triad ever been healthy.

39) who initiated the relationship? who kissed who first? when did they realize they were in love?

oh my god you’re hitting me with ALL the juicy questions today. SO.

i’ve already written a little of this and in the answers above, Alek realized he was in love with Revan on Coruscant when they were both knights, but he and Revan have a Force bond so clearly she Knew and thus if she Felt The Same she’d do something about it, and she never did, so clearly his feelings weren’t reciprocated, so it’s F i n e, clearly, he suffers in silence until a year into the war - i have written this scene! - at which point Revan kisses him while they’re back on Coruscant for her promotion to Supreme Commander. she’s going to figure out that she’s in love with him (as opposed to just loving him) either after Fett injures him on Lantillies or during the whole. Clefar shenanigans, i don’t know the specifics, i haven’t written it yet and i didn’t think they’d get together this early in the war so there’s that. they don’t actually Talk about being in a relationship like, at all, ever, they just don’t talk about this Thing between them, because there’s the war and then there’s Vitiate and then there’s the Sith and then there’s another war and then-

they do end up talking about it post-SF at Bastila’s encouragement because Revan finally gets most of her memories back and is Clearly Moping and Alek is Also Moping. god i’m going to have to write that aren’t i.

with Revan (should i say Shala?) and Bastila, hmm. i’m honestly not so sure on this one in my canon verse? it’ll make itself more clear as i write that fic, but i know that Shala has a hell of a lot of realizations post-Leviathan and i feel like this is one of them. i really want to say their first kiss is in the fucking, submarine thing on Manaan on the way back post-Star Map, because that was a Hellish experience, and then they do things Bastila regrets (except she doesn’t except she does except-) on the Hawk after, and then ofc the Leviathan happens. Bastila definitely kisses Revan first and i think she might realize she’s a little in love on Kashyyyk when Revan does the whole free the Wookiees thing? hmmm i’m going to have to poke at that more. 

anyway they have this whole scene at the temple of the ancients which is one of the few things from the kotor fic i have visualized in my head because it’s the moment Revan decides she’s going to choose the Light over the Dark and it’s massively important character-wise and i’m actually super super excited to finally get there so i can write it. post-SF they’re actually dating because they finally have a Sort Of Talk about it.

oh my god this got so long but i’m Not Sorry and i have approximately 30k more words to say on the subject especially related to the HP AU but i will shut up now lol. thank you for the questions!

[gayenerd]

Green Day Deals with the "Rock Star" Dookie 

by Tom Lanham 

(First appeared in BAM Magazine, March 10, 1995)

 Young, loud, and snotty equals beaucoup bucks? What pencil-pushing, graph-charting trend spotter could've predicted it? But the facts speak for themselves: As of late February, Dookie--the brattish, snap 'n' snarl Reprise salvo from Berkeley's sloppy punk trio, Green Day--has sold six million copies. Six million. Chances are, somebody on your block is jumping up and down in his living room at this very moment to the scrap-metal power chords and ardent apathy of "Longview," "Burnout," "Basket Case," or "When I Come Around" and getting lost in the teen abandon of these testy 22-year-olds--weasel-voiced, Montgomery-Clift-like charismatic singer/guitarist Billie Joe; tom-tom tribal percussionist Tre Cool (of the ever-morphing hair-color fame); and bassist Mike Dirnt (who survived Green Day's appearance at Woodstock '94, although several of his teeth did not). 

Yes, punk rock is a marketable phenomenon these days, leaving many involved with the music's initial late-'70s, early-'80s wave scratching their heads, wondering why it didn't take the first time around. Public reaction started as curiosity ("Hey, honey, c'mere and lookit these goofy, green-haired little whippersnappers in an insane asylum on MTV!"), but spiraled up to rock-diet necessity (Green Day just won Grammy and they're nominated for quite a few Bammies as well, including such categories as Outstanding Group, Outstanding Album, and Outstanding Song--"Longview" and "Basket Case"). The fact that they've been nominated at all probably sends a shiver up the old dinosaur backbones of Eddie Money, Huey Lewis, and Boz Scaggs, a time-creepy feeling of "Gee, what the hell do we do now?" Because this isn't just some flash-in-the-pan punk movement, folks--this is a youth movement; Green Day are, as they hiply term it, "bored in the 'burbs," and reaching out, through TV and radio, like some prodigal preachers to other American kids who sense the same slacker ennui. Obviously, we're talking truckloads of kids. 

Ironically, the more fame edges into the Green Day ruffians' lives, the more mature they seem to become. They've turned down all interview requests as of late, even People magazine, preferring to lay low until this tide of interest recedes. Billie Joe got married last autumn, and spent his honeymoon--not in any exotic, expensive locale--but in Berkeley's grand old Claremont Hotel. Cool recently became a father, and Billie Joe's child is due any day now. It's a responsibility they've both eagerly undertaken. Rob Cavallo, the boys' coproducer and A&R man at Reprise, swears they're "old souls, the smartest young kids I've ever met." It rings true. 

The first time I spoke with Green Day, in January of '94, Cool, Dirnt, and Billie Joe were lazing around their dingy basement apartment in Berkeley, sitting on chairs and couches with potentially painful springs poking through. Rock 'n' roll bubblegum cards were scattered across a coffee table, along with several bongs of various sizes, plus a four-and-a-half foot red plastic pipe dubbed "Bongzilla" leaned against a doorway. The only wall decoration, besides a Ren & Stimpy poster, was a Twister game mat nailed up in its entirety, presumably for high-schoolish humor's sake. 

When I'd met Billie Joe a few months earlier at a campus concert, his hair was dyed lime-green and featured squidlike tufts. Now it was dark brown, with only two tufts remaining, and both his ears and nose had piercings. Periodically during the interview, he'd ram a finger into that pierced nostril, rummage around, then stare idly at the resultant booger before flicking it on to the carpet. Cool wandered out of the rec room for several minutes, but returned, red-eyed, to proudly proclaim, "Lookit me! I'm stoned, dude!" Dirnt--when he wasn't strumming an acoustic guitar--kept watching their windowsill Sea Monkey tank, finally noting, "Hey, these Sea Monkeys look just like sperm!" 

Despite all these schoolboy, poo-poo wit trappings (dookie, after all, is kiddie slang for excrement), there was a sense of seasoned wisdom about them, a feeling that they were, as Cavallo postulated, truly old souls. Like the class clown who frustrates all of his teachers by also maintaining a 4.0 grade average, Green Day can afford to play because their work--brilliantly skewed three-minute pop songs, delivered with such vehemence and vitriol you don't dare doubt them--certainly speaks for itself. But, sooner or later, of course, the band has to speak for itself, too, so what follows is a set of excerpts from that first ratty-digs meeting, as well as a later chat with Billie Joe, sans sidekicks. How did Green Day take over the rock world in less than a year? That's the six-million-copy question, and hopefully we'll provide a few answers. 

* * * 

So punk is back, whether America likes it or not? 

BILLIE JOE: It's always been around, and everyone has their own interpretation of it. It's weird to actually call it "punk" again, when it's been there all the time. 

MIKE DIRNT: It's been springing up in little suburban areas, where people grab it and express themselves. 

TRE COOL: It's people who make a point of setting aside all responsibilities and just playing music. And doing fat joint after fat joint--you have to let go of things like paying rent, going to school, having a job. 

BJ: And, if you can't tell by my house, we don't have a very high standard of living. 

How does today's punk rock differ from its late-'70s cousin?

 BJ: I think it was all about art and fashion back then, really, because everyone who was a punk in England was in art school. I read an early interview with Dee Dee Ramone, where he said he wished the Ramones had more of a glamorous appeal, too, instead of playing in jeans and leather jackets. But it was definitely about fashion, until the Clash really brought out the political side. Our music came from being bored in the 'burbs. You get put in this high school situation, where you're learning someone else's rules in a room with 30 other people that you don't really like. There's nothing interesting about it whatsoever, so you pick up a guitar instead. 

But you all tried college, at least for awhile, right? 

MD: And then we started touring. Constantly. 

TC: So most of our reading now comes from highway signs. 

MD: It's the old grasshopper and the ant story. The thought of actually working is just so... 

TC: Sickening! 

MD: Yeah. So we put everything we had into not working. This is what I do best, and I was always told, "If you're gonna do something, do it the best you can." So why not do the best thing you can, too? 

You guys--at least Mike and Billie Joe--have known each other since you were 10? 

BJ: And the first conversation we ever had was about writing songs. And then we just started playing music. 

A lot of the stuff on your early Lookout! records shows what was on your mind at the time--namely, girls. 

BJ: That was pretty much the viewpoint of a 16-year-old kid. I don't write stuff like that anymore. The new songs are more about coming of age and being apathetic and neurotic.

 Where were your parents when you were touring [at age 16]? 

MD: At work, doing their own thing. 

BJ: My mom's worked a waitress job for like the past 40 years or something, and whatever I was doing was OK with her. 

MD: I moved out when I was 15, and I worked all the way through high school. 

BJ: And me, I've never held a job longer than two weeks. I tried to flip pizzas--it didn't work. I tried cleaning toilets in the Red Onion in El Sobrante. Me and TrŽ, we used to work for the SF Chronicle, selling papers. I sold three the first day, and the next day we just smoked pot, and we smoked pot the next day after that. So we had hella extra papers lying around. Our ultimate goal wasn't to get rich or famous or anything like that. It was to not have a regular job and not be miserable. 

MD: And I've lived in every city around here, except for Albany. Literally. And one thing we want to establish about ourselves is that we're just a bunch of geeks from the suburbs. 

Well, one of the first times I saw you, you guys were closing your set with Survivor's "Eye of the Tiger." That's pretty geeky. 

MD: I grew up on radio--that's all I had. When I was a little kid, I couldn't afford records. I'll tell you, I've been down to a dollar in my pocket a lot of times. I've even lived in my truck. I can remember shooting rats with a BB gun in the flat we used to live in, before they'd make it to our food. 

BJ: I've always been really good about saving. If I got some money, I'd put it away instead of spending it, and I'd buy ramen. 

Why name your disc Dookie? 

TC: Warner's said we could do anything we want, as long as we didn't say "Cop Killer." 

BJ: Somebody told our manager that the ad for it was the most tasteless thing they'd ever seen in Billboard magazine. 

What exactly do you mean on Dookie by "Welcome to Paradise"? 

BJ, MD, TC [in unison]: West Oakland! 

MD: Living in West Oakland, and going out to parties every night. 

So it cost, what, around $100,000 to make Dookie? 

MD: Yeah. We kept the advances low, because you gotta pay all that shit back. Everyone knows you can't become an instant millionaire just by signing, because there are so many people that want a piece of you. 

BJ: We hang out with mostly punks though, and they don't want anything we have. They could care less. And a lot of our friends don't even agree with us being on a major label. 

Is Green Day angry? 

BJ: No, I'm not angry, like, walking around all the time with a frown on my face. But the way my music is interpreted is very angry. 

MD: When you feel really strongly about something, you want to let it out in the most powerful way possible. 

Like the way you baited your old high school principal from the Warfield stage recently? 

MD: I think he was an asshole. He treated me with no respect. And for high school initiation, we got our heads shaved--that's the kind of small-town shit we had to deal with! Sometimes they made you push a penny up the street with your nose. But that's life, and anywhere you go, you're gonna hate a lot of shit in your life. You'll be handed

Dookie? 

MD: Yeah. Yeah, you'll be handed dookie through all parts of your life. And see, what you need to do is just deal with the dookie, build upon what you have, and make something out of the dookie, you know? Like an adobe dookie building! 

* * * 

Several months later, and Dookie is oozing its gooey way into the public consciousness big time. The fading summer heat sticks crackling to the Berkeley sidewalks as punks--many sporting monstrous green or fuchsia mohawks--zing by on skateboards by day, and huddle in Telegraph Avenue doorways by night, conserving feral body heat the whole time. It feels like another world here, a throwback to the Bay Area's DIY/hardcore scene of the early '80s, when squatters reigned supreme and burlesque Broadway--fueled by all-ages shows at the Mabuhay Gardens, On Broadway, and even an occasional GBH or UK Subs booking at the Stone--made weekend conversions to "Punk Playground, USA." It was the best of times; it was the worst of times--despite relentless touring, most of these bands sold bupkus in the way of records, and few, save Metallica, ever held pen in shaky hand over a major-label contract. 

Billie Joe saunters into the Berkeley coffeehouse in rumpled jeans and a grease-spattered flannel shirt; his once-green-and-tufty tresses have grown out into Wally Cleaver waves and been dyed a Rod Stewarty blond. He looks like one of those feisty punks of yore; like he could hold his own through sheer physical endurance in the wildest of thrash pits. There's a new authority about him, the way he strides confidently to the counter, orders a pint-size glass of coffee, then swims through a sea of late-lunching yuppies to grab a table. The singer doesn't seem to notice them at all. Or maybe he's just too tired from nonstop touring to really give a shit. He smiles a goofy grin, revealing a set of generally crooked or chipped choppers, with an entire half of one front tooth missing. But there's such charisma behind it, the same kind of "Who, me?" innocence that little kids use. Billie Joe, you might say, has quickly become the Bart Simpson of the alternative set. 

How else could you explain his uncensored performance at a certain outdoor arena where--in a hyperspeed set lasting only 30 minutes before management threatened to pull the plug--he a) unzipped his fly and paraded his privates around for all to see; b) handed a stunned fan his beat-up, sticker-plastered guitar and urged him to play it; c) destroyed a $600 microphone by smashing it into the stage, then destroyed a second mike he was handed as well; and d) encouraged half the venue to chant, "Rock 'n' roll!" and the other half to respond with, "Shut the fuck up!" He then closed the show with a proposition--"They'll be really angry with us, but what we could do is rip out the seats!" he told the audience, which promptly gave Green Day a standing ovation. Billie Joe not only shrugs off such shenanigans as artistic license, he gets away with them! He's even encouraged to continue by fans who empathize with his uppity "fuck authority" attitude. 

But the facts were all on the table as Billie Joe sipped his house blend that afternoon, and it didn't take a fortune teller to read 'em. Green Day was hitting big time. Fast. And the sheer enormity of the undertaking, the weight of all its accordant responsibility, was just beginning to hit him. He looked older, wiser, and spoke in more grownup tones about his future, which then included a pending marriage to longtime girlfriend Adrienne. You could practically feel this new maturity encircling him like some protective aura. 

* * * 

=Where do all these punks on Telegraph come from? They can't all be local and homeless. 

I think Telegraph has just become this cultural mecca for punk rockers, because most of 'em who are on the Avenue aren't even from here. They're from Arizona, Minneapolis, New York, Florida. They just come out and end up squatting in houses in Berkeley. Why here? It's the climate, and the scene itself--Gilman Street and Maximum Rock 'n' Roll are in this area, and have a link to each other. But at the same time, it's separated, because there are so many different factions of punk now. There are the squatters, the pop-cores, the mods, the crusties. And all these types of people come out just to check it out. Plus, there's the best coffee in Berkeley, and a lot of 'em are real super coffee-drinkers, just pounding cup after cup all the time. It's pretty rare to come across a punk who doesn't drink coffee. I can't drink too much coffee myself--it gives me the shakes at night, so I just have a little bit during the day. Then I can smoke dope and go to bed. 

=What's the attraction in squatting or homelessness for these kids? 

For a lot of 'em, it's the first sense of freedom that they've had. It's like, "You mean I don't have to be home by midnight?" They've pretty much told their families and schools to go fuck themselves, so they go off and do their own thing. When I was 17, I did the same thing. And I had this total sense of freedom, where no one's telling you what to do, you don't have a clock to punch in on, you don't have people breathing down your neck; you don't have any deadlines to meet. You have this endless schedule where you can stay up all night drinking with your friends, or do anything you want. 

=But isn't "Coming Clean" about leaving behind your wilder ways? 

It's also about coming to grips with your sexuality. There's one line, "Skeletons come to life in my closet." And it's like, "Am I homosexual or heterosexual?" You go through this adolescent stage in your life where you don't really know what you are, and one side is taboo because your parents brought you up to think being gay was wrong. And if you come to grips with yourself, that you happen to be gay or bi or whatever, well, that was one thing about punk that was so accepting--all creeds were welcome, all sexualities, everything. 

=Was this something you went through personally? 

Yeah, to a certain extent. But I don't want to go around waving a gay flag or anything. 

=Well, you had a beautiful girl on your arm backstage at the last Green Day show. 

That's Adrienne. She's cool. Actually, we're engaged. That's why it took me so long getting here today--I had to get this! [Rolls sleeve up on tattooed arm, points to a bandaged-on cotton swab] Blood test, dude! We're getting married next week! 

=Has anybody tried to tell you you're too young for such a serious move? 

Of course. There are a lot of people who've said stuff. My parents have been a little more understanding than her parents. I just called my mom yesterday and said, "Mom, I'm gettin' married," and she said, "That's fine, son. Have fun!" I can hardly surprise my mother nowadays. But [this relationship] has been a recurring thing for the past four years, and we just decided to get serious about it. She's coming out here, and we're moving in together, so it's like, "Why not?" I don't really have any wild oats to sow, or anything like that. I'm not into the "Gettin' chicks all the time" thing.

 =I know a lot of girls who'll be really bummed that you're gittin' hitched. They all seem to have developed a crush on you... 

Me?! It must be the teeth [grins again].

 =OK, so maybe you didn't brush often enough when you were young. But you were busy developing a direction... 

I wouldn't necessarily say I had a direction or anything. I just knew I wanted to write songs. It comes from...uh...I don't know. I have no idea. It wasn't any kind of cosmic force or anything like that; it was just a matter of having a guitar around and wanting to play it all the time. I've had the same guitar since I was 11--I bought it off this guy at a guitar store. And I still play it--you know, the blue one with stickers all over it? That's my blue guitar, and, for some reason, things come to life, and everyone calls it "Blue" now--"Where's Blue? Can I pick up Blue and play it?" 

=And you let just anybody touch it? 

Oh yeah! Blue's not prejudiced. 

=It's interesting to note that the general public seems to think Dookie is your debut. 

Yeah, but that's just the general public. There are people who've been with us since the beginning, who know how long we've been around, since our first 7-inch came out back in '89. 

=And now you can afford to trash pricey microphones. 

Actually, Warner Brothers paid for those. It was pretty nice of 'em. They looked really nice--I remember looking at 'em and thinking, "Nice microphones!" They gave me one mike and I took it and threw it down, and they gave me another, and at the end of the set I creamed it pretty hard, I guess. We toured Europe with this band Die Toten Hosen--we played nine dates with 'em--and we got charged for a microphone every night. I dunno, for some reason we just started smashing shit. We'd start throwing equipment around at the end of each set, and these kids would start grabbing Tre's drum set and throwing it, and then they started smashing the microphones too. And the bouncers just couldn't do anything about it. 

=And you actually yanked your dick out onstage too? 

I did. Totally. It was the real thing. I dunno. The bands that we were playing with were just boring. It was more like making a mockery of the whole thing. The big arena rock thing is just so dated now, like Journey or Queen. Which is why I think punk rock started to begin with--it was this reaction to all the dinosaur bands. So for me, that show was, "How can we make a complete mockery of this but at the same time have fun with it?" I like to leave people guessing, "Did he hate that or did he like that?" It's not that I don't care--it's more that I'm careless. I try to be as happy-go-lucky as I can, but you can become apathetic at the same time. 

=Do you feel like Green Day is a part of, or represents, the so-called "slacker generation"? 

There's one side of me that doesn't mind it, because it's a generational thing, and another side of me that says, "Fuck that!" The reason I wrote the songs is, I ended up going back to Rodeo, where I'm from, for a week. And then I said, "Fuck it," and left. But I managed to get several good songs out of it. A lot of my friends had just turned into complete burnouts. And these are kids I've known since kindergarten, because it's a small town and you know everybody. And it was all fixing cars, staying up all night on methamphetamines, smoking dope, and finding out all these rumors about people I haven't heard of in 10 years. Like, "Oh, did you hear about so-and-so, who got married, had three kids, and ended up shooting everybody in his family?" And it happened! It was a true story! You're there for one week, and you get caught up in it. You get so bored, all you wanna do is watch television. And there are no record stores, nothing around, so you end up hanging out with all these delinquents who aren't punkers at all, just cultural idiots. So I was watching all these people rot and rotting with them until I realized, "Shit! I gotta get the fuck outta here!" 

=As they say, you can never go home again. 

Oh yeah, definitely. Unless you get pregnant, like my sister did. Then you have to go. But I quit school my senior year--I just wasn't getting anything out of it. I was taking nine periods a day, plus night classes, which left me no time to smoke dope whatsoever. And my mom even suggested I drop out, because she was a dropout, too. I come from a long line of dropouts. I still have nightmares about being late with my homework assignments. When I finally went in to sign out of high school, the teacher went, "Now, who are you again?" 

=And if that teacher could see you now! 

A lot of people think you get this big connection with a corporate label, and you make millions of dollars, but they don't understand that you just don't make that much money. And when you do, it's easy to piss it away. I mean, every cent that I've made, I've pissed away. I'm not gonna say how I did it, but I don't have it But I don't think you necessarily have to be a punk to decide to say, "Fuck it." You don't even have to have a direction. It's just a matter of getting the fuck out and exploring things for yourself. 

=But didn't you feel abject terror when you first set out on your own? 

Nah, I didn't. Because, for some reason, I knew things were gonna be all right. You can create your own future as long as karma's on your side. And I'm a strong believer in karma. I think things can come back to you if you're just willing to give. 

* * * 

True enough. At least six million times over!

1995 Tom Lanham

[borisbubbles]

01. LITHUANIA

Ieva Zasimauskaite - “When we’re old” 12th place

After six, long arduous months, this ranking somehow outlived the entire Almaia relationship, and that alone should be reason enough to finish the ranking immediately, but the the upcoming ban of all nfsw stuff (/porn) from this website will also cause a homosexual exodus (homosexodus? 🤔), sooooo, definitely time to finish this ranking before I lose 85% of my current audience. 

Look, listen OKAY, just like how I naturally gravitate towards Lea Sirk’s sass and Elina’s pristineness and DoReDoS’s hilarious whateverthatwas, I was simply never *not* going to like a Lithuanian frumpy space princess and annointed HINDU with a voice more brittle than Theresa May’s position in the House of Commons, whose meditation rites include drinking a cup of boiling water (without the tea! just water) on a daily basis to *purify* her mind and soul. Okay the last MAY be an exaggeration on the behalf of the Flemish commentator (Peter Van de Veire is a known jokester), but then again, I can totally see Ieva telling this to random bystanders in her hotel lobby? Such oblivious, but well-meaning wackiness is just so Ieva SassyMouseKyte. 

Naturally, one MASSIVE part of my Ieva stanning is JUST her personality, which is both intensely kooky and disarmingly innocent, see above. Another example: Ieva serenly sliding off the stage during the semifinal, only to find the nearest camera and exclaim  ”I FELT THE PRESENCE OF *GODS* ON THE STAGE WHILE I WAS SINGING ^__^ I FEEL *ENLIGHTENED* 🤗🤗” llke she was Siddharta Gautama under the Bodhi tree <3 I am no a religious man but if Ieva said the stage was brightened with a non-descript Eastern Deity’s presence during the performance, who am I to refute it? 😁 

Gods or no gods, I will say that it took a *serious* amount of dharma to give us *the most unexpected gift* we’ve ever could’ve been granted, which is a COMPETENT EUROVISION ENTRY FOR LITHUANIA. In terms of Eurovision, Lithuania are amongst of the objective *worst* on a  terrifyingly consistent basis and here you have a fairly pleasant Ellie Goulding-inspired, frumpolicious Hindu cleric bringing a ballad about the inevitability of high medieval alliance pacts. Let’s Sing The Song That She Wrote:

Actually that’s selling the act a bit short, because for a brief moment, Ieva managed to transform her moment during the sheer INSANITY that was this year’s finale (well the sheer insanity streaked with horrifying, terrible, machinal dullness, not naming any names but *cough*austriaandaustralia*cough), into an oasis of *pure show-stopping sentiment* and that’s a powerful feat to accomplish for a Eurovision entry. Normally, you think such an entry would Blackbird itself into oblivion but as Ieva had prophetically declared, GOD WAS ON HER SIDE, AMEN, so nope, think again Christerifer Morningstar 😈

Speaking of, praise Hallellujah, Oh Glory and Mazzel-Motherfucking-Tov that Ieva qualified under the hilarity that is the current combined voting system (to those who still hate it, AISEL would’ve qualified under the old system despite being 12th in both jury and televote 🙃 Granted this would be funny if this had happened to Sennek or Ari or Eye Cue or basically anyone other than Aisel, but it didn’t so The Old System remains CANCELLED, s/n/s) because not only is Ieva an Elyon Goddess Moste High, and has the unique quality of being a Good Entry from Lithuania, “When We’re Old” is also... fucking awesome in itself?

 “When we’re old” is *not* your typical BorisBubbles fave on the surface (lol as if I can expect you to know what a typical Boris fave is after only two full rankings  on tumblr 😬), but it totally is? Ieva hits that personal sweet spot for me that I require from my faves: Quirky, but not overbearingly weird. Well-liked, but not liked *enough* to top every post-show list. Sentimental, but because her emotions are *real*, not because of some forced commercialized acting gig. (such as, um, fucking Rona Nishliu and her fake-as-fuck dry sobbing ugh die bitch! (k not literally, just musically, 5ever)). Also, this song makes me want to sing along like the soft ass fag that I am. “When Weeeeeeeeee’re OWLED Hooooooooooooooo!!!” All of this cements Ieva as a dark horse, an underdog and an eternal outsider and these are  the *specific*  type of entries that I started this blog for.   

I guess I should write a bit more, with more *sass and pizzazz*, but that’s basically my Ieva love in a nutshell! I think she’s an utter gem, both as a human and a Eurovision participant, “When We’re Old” *still* remains the only entry this year to give me *emotional attachment* in the form of shivers and near-tears and bad impromptu karaoke.  If you don’t think she’s all that, well that’s your loss, not sorry! She made the final through the good graces of Hare Krishna and did better than Jessi*can’t* and *No*lexander ! If I get a relationship, I want it be precisely like Ieva and her Hubbo’s. GET A LIFE!!

ALL HAIL THE QUEEN OF EUROVISION 2018

Thank you for reading this ranking, it’s been a blast! See you on the 1st of April 2019 for the #TelAviv2019 preshow ranking. God bless you and shalom! 

EUROVISION 2018 - POST SHOW

01. Lithuania (Ieva Zasimauskaite - “When we’re old”) 02. Moldova (DoReDoS - “My Lucky Day”)

03. Estonia (Elina Nechayeva - “La Forza”)

04. Slovenia (Lea Sirk - “Hvala, ne!”)

05. Switzerland (ZiBBZ - “Stones”)

06. Germany (Michael Schulte - “You let me walk alone”)

07. Albania (Eugent Bushpepa - “Mall”)

08. France (Madame Monsieur - “Mercy”)

09. Hungary (AWS - “Viszlát nyár”)

10. Finland (Saara Aalto - “Monsters”)

11. Bulgaria (EQUINOX - “Bones”)

12. Denmark (Rasmussen - “Higher ground”)

13. Malta (Christabelle - “Taboo”)

14. Cyprus (Eleni Foureira - “Fuego”)

15. United Kingdom (SuRie - “Storm”)

16. Serbia (Balkanika - “Nova Deca”)

17. Portugal (Cláudia Pascoal - “O jardim”)

18. The Netherlands (Waylon - “Outlaw in ‘em”)

19. Ukraine (MÉLOVIN - “Under the ladder”)

20. Macedonia (Eye Cue - “Lost and Found”)

21. San Marino (Jessika ft. Jenifer Brening - “Who We Are”)

22. Sweden (Benjamin Ingrosso - “Dance You Off”)

23. Austria (Cesár Sampson - “Nobody but you”)

24. Latvia (Laura Rizzotto - “Funny girl”)

25. Azerbaijan (AISEL - “X my heart”)

26. Israel (Netta - “Toy”)

27. Norway (Alexander Rybak  - “That’s how you write a song”)

28. Montenegro (Vanja Radovanovic - “Inje”)

29. Armenia (Sevak Khanagyan - “Qami”)

30. Poland (Gromee ft. Lukas Meijer - “Light me up”)

31. Greece (Yianna Terzi - “Oniro mou”)

32. Georgia (Iriao - “For you”)

33. Belgium (Sennek - “A matter of time”)

34. Italy (Ermal Meta & Fabrizio Moro - “Non mi avete fatto niente”)

35. Romania (The Humans - “Goodbye”)

36. Ireland (Ryan O'Shaughnessy - “Together”)

37. Croatia (Franka - “Crazy”)

38. Belarus (ALEKSEEV - “Forever”)

39. Russia (Julia Samoylova - “I Won’t Break”)

40. Spain (Amaia & Alfred - “Tu canción”)

41. Iceland (Ari Ólafsson - “Our choice”)

42. Australia (Jessica Mauboy - “We got love”)

43. Czech Republic (Mikolas Jozef - “Lie to me”)

HALL OF BORIS BUBBLES EUROVISION FAVES (1972-2018) 1972: the Netherlands (Sandra & Andres - “Als het om de liefde gaat”) 1973: United Kingdom (Cliff Richard - “Power to all our friends”) 1974: Sweden (ABBA - “Waterloo”) (ed: totally by default btw. Shit year.) 1975: Germany (Joy Fleming - “Ein Lied kann Eine Brücke Sein” )  1976: Luxembourg (Jürgen Marcus - “Chansons pour ceux qui s’aiment”) (😂) 1977: Belgium (Dream Express - “A million in 1-2-3″) (ed.: top five ESC year) 1978: Israel (Izhar Cohen & Alfabeta - “A Ba Ni Bi”) 1979: Germany (Dschinghis Khan - “Dschinghis Khan”) 1980: Luxembourg (Sofie & Magaly - “Papa Pingouïn”) 1981: Belgium - (Emly Starr - “Samson”) 1982: Germany - (Nicole - “Ein Bißchen Frieden”) 1983: Israel (Ofra Haza - “Hi”) 1984: Ireland (Linda Martin - “Terminal 3″) 1985: Turkey (MFÖ - “Didai, Didai, Dai”) 1986: Belgium (Sandra Kim - ”J’aime la vie”) (même si c’est une folie!) 1987: Belgium (Liliane St. Pierre - “Soldiers of Love”) (ed.: top Five esc entry) 1988: Switzerland (Céline Dion - “Ne Partez Pas Sans Moi”) 1989: Denmark ( Birthe Kjær -  "Vi maler byen rød") 1990: Yugoslavia/Croatia (Tajci - “Hajde, da ludujemo) 1991: Sweden (Carola -  “ Fångad av en stormvind”) (ed.: top five ESC entry) 1992: Denmark (Lotte Nilsson & Kenny Lübcke - “Allting som ingen ser”) 1993: the Netherlands (Ruth Jacott - “Vrede”) 1994: Germany (MeKaDo  - “Wir geben ‘ne Party”) 1995: Cyprus (Alexandros Panayi - “Sti fotia”) 1996:  Croatia (Maja Blagdan - “Sveta ljubav”) 1997: Poland (Anne-Marie Jopek - “Ale jestem”) (ed.: Top five ESC year) 1998: the Netherlands (Edsilia Rombley - “Hemel en aarde”) (I think???? lol 😬) 1999: Croatia (Doris Dragovic - “MARIJA MAGDALENAAAAAAA”) 2000: Latvia (Brainstorm - “My Star”) (ed.: top five ESC entry) 2001: France (Natasha St. Pier - “Je n’ai que mon âme”) (but also, nobody) 2002: Spain (Rosa - “Yooropz leebin a selebrayshun”) (ed.: this trashfest <3) 2003: Germany (Lou - “Let’s get happy”) (and let’s be GAY!) 2004: Albania (Anjeza Shahini - “Image of you”) 2005: Romania (Luminita Anghel and Sistem - “Let me try”) (Ed.: top five year) 2006: Iceland (Silvia Night - “Congratulations”) (ed.: 2006 SF > 2006 GF 😬)   2007: Georgia (Sopho - “Visionary Dream”) (ed.: i have about 9 absofaves from this year though lol) 2008: Iceland (Euroband - “This is my life) 2009: Iceland (Yohanna - “Is it true?”) (ed.: top five ESC entry) 2010: Albania (Juliana Pasha - “It’s all about you”) 2011: Germany (Lena - “Taken by a stranger) (ed.: top 5 entry, bottom 5 year >_<) 2012: Sweden (Loreen - “Euphoria”) (ed.: as with ABBA Loreen wins my ranking by default because this year is mostly rubbish.) 2013: Greece (Koza Mostra - “Alcohol is free”) (ed.: personal fave ESC year :)) 2014: Slovenia (Tinkara Kovac ft. Lea Sirk - “Round and round) (ed.: top five ESC year) 2015: Latvia (Aminata - “Love Injected”)  2016: Armenia (Iveta Mukuchyan - “LoveWave) 2017: Belgium (Blanche - “City Lights”) 2018: Lithuania (Ieva Zasimauskaite - “When we’re old”) (ooooohhhhhhhh)

[skeletorific]

Toxic Relationship Headcanons

Its time for aaaaaaangst

So I was spitballing this with @with-a-whisper a few days back and decided on a whim to publish them. Essentially I’ve decided to break down how a relationship with each of teh bros could end up being potentially toxic and harmful to both parties, as well as the steps that might be needed to help rebuild. Because we can’t always be happy damn it

Also please note, guys, if the relationships you are in have these qualities it may be time to have a serious talk with the other person. And while I believe that a lot of relationships can genuinely be salvaged if both partners are willing to put in the effort, if your partner is unwilling or nothing is changing you may need to get out.

UT!Sans: He definitely needs someone a little more comfortable with themselves and who's able to draw any kind of vulnerability or honesty out of him. Bonus points if they're particularly good at telling when he's faking being okay. So to prevent a break his partner would need to understand that even when he pushes it away he genuinely kind of wants someone to force him to articulate how he's actually feeling. In order for it to start devolving, his partner would either have to stop trying to reach out or make themselves the center of every emotional crisis. Either option is ignoring his feelings or assuming he doesn't have any. When he beings to feel like his emotions are unwelcome or unimportant he will more than happily begin to shut down, because after all, its easier than confronting the hot mess he is most of the time. His smiles are all faked these days and he will rarely, if ever be open with you

Patch: You need to listen  to him. This is harder than it sounds, getting Sans to be honest emotionally when he’s felt like he can’t be is like pulling teeth. ITs a slow process of rebuilding trust, of asking him questions about how he is every day no mattter how much he evades the question. If he feels like you really mean it, he can eventually warm back up to you

UT!Papyrus needs someone who won't overly-indulge him and provide some grounding but who is also quite generous with praise, especially for things that he desperately wants/needs to be praised for. He believes you entirely, but that has to go both ways at some point. Papyrus wants your validation, he wants to know that he’s important to you. This can be a little needy, and it only gets worse if he senses he’s starting to annoy you. It enourages him to ramp up his antics adn constantly strive for your approval, whih only annoys you further. If this keeps going he will be constanty on edge and in deep denial. He’ll insist that of ourse he’s happy but he’s so disappointed, trying to greet you with a smile but you never return it. He won’t break up with you, he’s convince that it has to be his fault somehow, and so he stays on. Feeling like more and more of a burden as time goes by

Patch: In order to patch up a break a good method is you have to try and match at least half of his compliments to you. He doesn’t honestly need that much, but strong signs of approval send him over the moon. He’s not as sensitive as you might think but he does need to know that deep down you really do enjoy him and his company. As you grow to a healthier place you can then begin to work on his compliment dependence.

UF!Sans needs a balance of someone who will call him out on his shit and someone who he can genuinely have a good time with and not be constantly on edge. On the one hand you need to be able to tell him no, to draw a line when his reckless behavior gets too unsafe. On the other you need a good sense of humor, as well oas a lot of patience for when he does fuck up. He’s good about apologizing, you just have to let him do it on his own terms. If you never reel him in he will trample over you and likely drag you both down with him. Drinking binges, trashing your house, forgetting dates, all that gross stuff. And He will apologize, but if you keep acting like its no big deal....it kind of starts to bug him. Why aren’t you bothered? Do you just not care that much about this relationship? Should he be treating this as casual too? Eventually he stops apologizing and does whatever the fuck he wants until you finally kick him out.On the other end, if you’re constantly snapping at him and he can’t do a thing right for you....in all likelihood he’ll break up with you. At the very least he’ll be on edge and likely tend to be hypercritical of your every move as well. Not so fun when its your fuck ups being pointed out, is it? Both of you get increasingly petty and its just bad to be around.

 Patch: it depends on which end of the spectrum is failing. If you're hitting him too hard to shape up you have to relax a little, let him live (this is also most likely to end the relationship before patching up even begins). If you're not calling him out enough in the end you just kind of need to toughen up and yell at him when he's really being a dick. He'll resist it and roll his eyes but he does take what you say into consideration if he thinks its reasonable.

UF!Papyrus just genuinely needs someone with a backbone. Someone who won’t talke all of his “Master of the Universe” bullshit lying down. Don’t get me wrong, Boss nags because he cares. He genuinely wants you to lead a healthy life. But don’t just coast and let him make all your choices for you, he’ll stop seeing you as a person and more as a puppet that he can move however he wants. So if the time ever comes that he makes a choice for you that genuinely bothers you, he’s going to be furious when you try and defy him. He’ll start punishing you for going against him. Don’t get excited sinners, not the fun kind. He’ll ignore your texts for days or start lecturing you in public. Like, trying to make you cry He tells himself its tough love, and if you ever remove yourself he won’t stalk you or hurt you. but its not good.  

 Patch: His breaks are the hardest to fix because if you've devolved into toxicity you've let him order you around for too long and its a lot of backtracking to where you can finally get him to listen to you again. You need to stand up to him whenever and wherever he's crossed the line, even if you don't want to make a fuss. If you keep it up he can eventually start to take it to heart. He wouldn’t be dating you if deep down he didn’t honestly respect  you

US!Sans (Despite not being an angel) is kind of hard to trigger an unhealthy relationship in because he  is really good at keeping up a bright and happy front but he, like Tale Sans, tends to suffer if his partner constantly needs to be the center of attention. His s/o will never likely be ignored but people with a tendency for drama tend to pull him into their spiral because he wants to help them overcome their problems but they don't seem to want to solve them. In an unhealthy relationship he'll be pulling away, emptying himself out and kind of going through the motions more than ever. 

Patch A patch up would just be focusing some attention on him. He doesn't even need that much, you just need to not need to be the Center of the Universe At All Times. 

 US!Papyrus needs someone who's willing to call him out too, but gently. He hates being ordered around and will just avoid you if he feels like you're trying to control him unnecessarily. However just quick reminders that "hey, that kind of makes me uncomfortable, just a heads up" are usually enough of to set him on the right track. An unhealthy relationship with Stretch is a matter of time. Its a lot of small errors that snowball on itself.  He will constantly be going behind your back to do whatever he wants and will likely be pushing your buttons as far as he can because it feels like its the only way he gets a reaction out of you anymore. He also has a tendency to gaslight his partners when he thinks he can get away with it

Patch: A patch usually involves a pretty intense confrontation that directly takes him to task on his lack of honesty. It'll be unpleasant but its what needs to be done. This, however, is easier said than done, since Stretch is a master at sidestepping conversations he doesn’t want to have. Tie him down if you have to. And if he is genuinely uninterested in changing....you may just have to break it off.

SF!Sans devolves in at least partial toxicity more often than not. Keeping him on the straight and narrow is a complex matter. It requires a lot of patience and a lot of stubbornness because he will take control wherever you let him and it Will Not End Well. That said, once you've made some progress you can usually get him to take the next steps entirely on his own. He has a tendency to be very derisive of his partners and struggle to make them genuinely feel loved This isn’t because he doesn’t feel strongly, but because expressing those kinds of emotions are life-threatening where he comes from and he has no idea how to do it anymore. 

 Patch: There is no single patch that works every single time, but you will have to separate for a while. He will be in a place where he cannot and should not be around you physically, and you may want to avoid calling him for a while. Your absence makes him realize that he still cares about you , not just for what you can do for him, but as a person. Where it goes from there is up to you.

SF!Papyrus: he's pretty easy to track. The worse place he's in a relationship the more his substance abuse kicks up. Alcohol, weed, jacking off, sleeping at all hours of the day, pretty much anything that lets him escape. He starts losing track of his responsibilities even to Sans and you've picked him up out of a puddle of his own piss and vomit more often than you've kissed him good night the past 4 months.  What Rus needs is someone who can give  him the space he needs but still lets him know that they need him. Worse than anything is the idea that he's failing you. This behavior tends to pop up more frequently when you've just been injured or have been having a rough patch of fights because he feels like he's tying you down, and so self-destructively is making himself more incapable of being a good boyfriend in the hopes that maybe you'll leave him 

Patch: Like his brother its usually a somewhat lengthy process but what he needs more than anything is just firm support. Don't be a doormat, keep him away from his substances as best you can and get Black to help with that, but let him know that you're here for him and you always will be. Keep asking him to do little things for you, it makes him feel needed and wanted around. Its a process of months depending on how long he's been spiralling but he's pulled himself out of it before, and with your help, he'll hopefully do it again. 

[tamiddyinyourcity]

I had a dream that I was dating Patrick #1 again.

It was dreamception. I woke up from a weird ass philosophical dream where a frog or something told me in this big ass cluttered museum full of orange and black paintings, dimly lit, "some people can say the exact same two words and have two entirely different meanings".

Then I woke up in Patrick's bed. Except, he wasn't living in his house, it was like a huge grimey garage of some sort with band posters and street signs and random shit all over it, as if it was some sort of..... funhouse dungeon. Like the Mr. Grinch house in the movie, if someone just added..... 10x the edgy clutter of band posters, random signs, and weird shit I cant describe.

But I woke up, and tried to decipher my dream to Patrick before I fully forgot it.

He looked at me like I was crazy, but still with that look of admiration he always did, since I had my fucked up Vegeta hair, and was talking like crazy, suuuuper half asleep.

And I forget the context, but I said hanging out with him was "fucking annoying", as a joke, (we joked like that,) but he had taken it seriously.

And then some weirder dreams kicked in, I saw five people, (me and Patrick were two of them, but it was bird eyes view and i couldnt control my actions.... but my hair was long, and i wore a halloween costume since i guess it was halloween,) murder eachother while covered in cocaine, poison, and pills..... and then saw a girl's pussy, then woke up.

......

Um, well. If it sounds as strange as it sounded typing it out, its because it was strange beyond wording......

My guess is the entire dream itself symbolized my life feeling chaotic, which is accurate.

The band posters everywhere probably reflect something to do with Kieran, since I was listening to a song by his band last night. And the street signs probably symbolize me feeling aimless in life, I guess?

Not sure what the Halloween murder and drug subplot was????? But I mean, coochie was spotted, so I guess I'll enjoy the subversive dream fanservice that reminds me that I do indeed find women sexy.

And me dreaming about Patrick was probably just based on that one bitch trying to shade me. Fuck her. (But admittedly, I did almost tear up waking up.... that boy was FINE as FUCK, man.)

I think I was reflecting on that In and Out date we had before I took my nap.... both of them. The first one, on our fourth date, where he walked the entire city spanning lake with me as the sun set near us, I showed him my favorite classy ass historic operahouse turned theater, and then when we went to In and Out, he scored us paper hats, somehow talked to a guy about the SF Giants (with his hypersocial ass) and the guy gave us free tickets to a Giants game later in the week!

That was so fucking epic, man. God, I loooved that day. Holy shit.

And then I'm sure yall know the rest, we went to look at the stars and city skyline, and surprisingly, instead of fucking, he just straight up confessed his feelings for me turning more serious, this and that, and escalated things....

Then the other time, we went there. I was having sensory overload from the sheer amount of teenagers yelling in there on a weekend, he helped escort me to the car and talk me through the hyperventilating and overall mindfuckery that had happened...

And then I think once we got comfortable, and he finally started being his usual self instead of so nervous, joking around and whatnot.... he leaned in a little too close, and....

Well, we kissed.

And all of the walls he had up melted away instantly, and he embraced me while trying to hold himself together.

It felt surreal to know a man really missed me that much.

The first time that happened.

He was a blessed dude.

God bless and amen. I hope hes still doing alright in life so far with everything. Peace out my friends.

[junker-town]

We took the worst college basketball program ever to the NCAA tournament in a simulated video game

Western Illinois’ quest for a college basketball national championship in ‘College Hoops 2K8’ turns up in Year 4 and Year 5.

Welcome back to Western Illinois’ chase for a national championship in College Hoops 2K8. We introduced the idea and simmed through the first season in the opening installment of this series, then played through Year 2 and Year 3 in the second chapter. Here’s a recap of everything that happened in the last post.

Year 2 was a disaster on the court — 10-18 overall and a dead-last finish in the Summit League. The saving grace was a terrific four-man recruiting class headlined by three-star shooting guards Wilbur Messy and Tracy Hehn.

Year 3 was incredible. Western Illinois finished 23-9 overall, won an absolute thriller in the Summit League tournament championship game, and reached the NCAA tournament for the first time in program history.

Took a No. 13 seed into the big dance against Florida, got blown out.

Signed two promising recruits when the season ended, 6’4 point guard Giovanni Nelke and center Deke Van, both coveted three-stars.

Let’s look at the roster again heading into Year 4:

This is the first incoming recruiting class I’ll have the luxury of redshirting because I finally have enough depth throughout the roster. Both Nelke (who has already grown an inch to 6’5) and Van are sitting the year, and look really promising long-term with C+ potential.

We’re going with a tight eight-man rotation this year (we had been playing nine before this season) and finally have a rotation with only players I recruited. Apologies to long-time holdover SG No. 23, who will be relegated to garbage time this season.

Western Illinois is ranked 83 overall. Next best team in the Summit League is Oral Roberts at 78. This season is conference-tournament-title-or-bust all the way.

I have two scholarships available heading into the season. Going to try to something new this year and recruit junior college players. This serves two purposes:

Getting players on the same timeline as Nelke and Van

Two of the goals I have to hit to get a coaching attribute point are “sign a four-star recruit” and “sign a five-star recruit.” It’s going to be easier to get guys rated that highly at the JUCO level.

I offer two five-star JUCOs on the first week. Point guard Damon Hendriks from Simi Valley, California, and power forward Dawud Byfield out of Los Angeles.

Hendricks’ top priority is reveals itself to be “playing at a big program,” which doesn’t bode well for Western Illinois. I’m still sticking with him. Byfield loves Stanford, but they haven’t offered yet.

I actually have a real non-conference schedule this year. My first game is against Colorado.

Big win, 73-69.

Sophomore shooting guard Tracy Hehn pops off for 18 points, while the starting front court of Bud Richards and Ferdinand Thompson each drop 16 points in the win. Great omen for the rest of this season. Let the rest of America know: the Leathernecks are ready.

Well, shit, maybe not: we lose to Sacramento State in the next game. My team shoots only 1-for-14 from three. Next up is a game with Washington — rated as a 93 overall. We take a 73-67 loss. Another terrible shooting night, 24-of-63 from the field and 5-of-23 from three.

Here’s a rundown of the next month or so:

Blow out a solid Troy team (82 overall), 84-57, with six players in double-figures. Next up: 16-point win over McNeese State.

Beat Montana State, 88-50. Bud Richards goes off for 26 points and six blocks on 7-of-10 shooting from the field and 2-for-2 from three. Then crush North Dakota State and South Dakota State.

Lose a heartbreaker to Creighton, 64-63, then get a win against Wichita State, 86-74. Richards hangs 21 points and three blocks on the Shockers. We lose by one to UW-Milwaukee the next game (Richards: 19 points, six rebounds, and five stocks), then beat UT-San Antonio by six (Richards: 24 points, 10 rebounds, and four blocks). My guy is having the breakout junior season we’ve been waiting for.

Next up is my first game vs. a ranked team: No. 24 Iowa State, a 92 overall. BUT THE CYCLONES ARE GOING DOWN.

That’s a big win. Ugly game offensively (28-of-63 from field, 5-of-19 from three, 8-of-18 from the foul line) but we gut it out. We lose to Oral Roberts in a conference game next, 79-76, to fall to 11-5 overall.

Next five games: four wins followed by a loss to IUPUI. Rematch against Oral Roberts is next: I get blown out, 101-76. Holy shit. That’s the low point of the season. They score 56 on us in the second half, which just isn’t going to cut it. We go 5-1 over the final six games, with our only loss is to Southern Utah.

At 21-8 overall and 14-4 in conference, we win the regular-season Summit League title and head into the conference tournament as the top seed. The in-season recruiting period is also over, with Hendriks looking like a safe bet to sign, and Byfield likely coming if his leading school — Stanford — is caught without an open roster spot in the spring. I’ve been recruiting a three-star small forward as a backup if I lose out on Byfield.

Before advancing to the conference tournament, I look at the roster again. I suddenly have three players (Richards, Hehn, and Messy) rated in the 80s now. That teaching boost is starting to pay off.

Summit League tournament

We’re opening the tournament with South Dakota State, the same team I needed an overtime thriller to beat in the title game last year. Things are easier this time: Leathernecks win, 83-56. Richards: 21 points. Wiedemann: 19 points.

Next up is Oral Roberts, who has already beaten me twice this year and smoked me by 25 last time I played them.

I really shouldn’t be so worried for this, but ....

Jesus. 89-77 loss. I really just allowed Oral Roberts to score 54 second half points in an elimination game.

We’re 22-9 overall, but it’s a disappointing season without a tournament berth. But just when I think the season is over .... Western Illinois gets chosen for the NIT, with a first-round matchup against Clemson.

NIT

Clemson is 19-12 overall, but they’re damn good: rated as a 93 overall. I don’t have a great feeling about this.

Lose, 86-81. Season over. We end the year 22-10. Maryland wins the title.

OH YEAH: Richards wins Summit League Player of the Year. That gets me a coaching attribute point.

I have three points to improve my coach. I give one each in offense, defense, and teaching. I get offered the Idaho job and turn it down. I also overhaul my assistant coaches and find a gem in Danny O’Sullivan, who is A- at teaching and C+ at scouting. He’s a C- in offense, but we’ll live with it.

Now, it’s time to lock up my recruits. Hendriks — a 6-foot point guard — signs after the second week, giving the program its first-ever five-star recruit as a JUCO player. When Stanford drops out for Byfield the next week, I land both of my targets.

With my first recruiting class set to be seniors in the upcoming season, I’m loading up the non-con schedule for Year 5. I’m opening the year with Illinois, and also schedule DePaul.

This is the last ride for Bud Richards, Marvin Cisse, Ferdinand Thompson, and Andre Wiedemann. I’m getting emotional just thinking about it.

Year 5

Here’s a first look at the roster.

Wow, new arrival Hendriks is a 77 overall. He’s my fifth-best player immediately, but I still decide to redshirt him given my depth at guard. He’s going to be ridiculously good after four years. Byfield also looks solid as a 72 overall with B- potential. I redshirt him, too.

Nelke has grown to 6’6 now. I’m changing him to shooting guard, where he goes up three points to 77 overall as a redshirt freshman. We’ll be going with a 10-man rotation this year, with Waller and Ward rounding out the bench.

Also, I just noticed I have five California guys on this roster, and still no local kids. Chicago Public League coaches are sarcastically calling me “Ricky California.”

We’re rated 87 overall heading into the year and are clearly the favorites in the Summit — Southern Utah is the next best team at 74. No excuses this year.

This is going to be a huge season for recruiting, too

In addition to this being the best team I’ve had yet at Western Illinois, I also have five scholarships to fill. My first thought for recruiting: I need to fill out my starting lineup of the immediate future with a JUCO forward. I already have two guards (Nelke, Hendricks) and two bigs (Byfield, Van) who will all be redshirt sophomores next year, just need one more guy on their timeline to finish out that starting five. The ideal haul for this season would be one five-star JUCO wing paired with four top-150-rated high school seniors.

This five-man class is going to seriously shape the future of the program, but it also won’t be easy given how few recruiting points I have at a school as small as WIU (I covered this in the introduction). Here are my offers on the first day you can do it:

Dane Janiszewski, small forward, five-star JUCO freshman

Burton Ballinger, center, No. 214 (No. 15 C)

Alberto Tangara, small forward, No. 165 (No. 35 SF)

Hugh Spong, point guard, No. 181 (No. 56 PG)

Darell Hicks, power forward, No. 136 (No. 26)

The stakes are at an all-time high in every possible way this year. I think that calls for a press conference.

Coach Rick press conference

Alright, it’s time to start this shit.

First game: @ Illinois.

There would be no better way to open the biggest season in program history than by beating the Illini in Champaign. We want to show the rest of the state that the Leathernecks are the new premier basketball program in Illinois.

Unfortunately that does not happen.

The offense just totally dried up, and we could not defend the perimeter. They had one guy hit 10 threes! I actually watched this game, but there are in-game highlights coming later in the season (spoiler alert), so I will spare Leatherneck Nation the pain of watching the Illini smoke me.

We play in a tournament the next week and go 2-1, but lose to Northern Illinois. Turns out we might not even be the premier directional basketball program in Illinois.

Then comes the recruiting bloodbath. Janiszewski is offered by FIU, Hicks is offered by Green Bay-Wisconsin, Tangara is offered by North Florida, Sprong gets a Robert Morris offer. I drop all over them and completely redo my board.

I do have a big lead for Ballinger, and convince him to sign at the end of the in-season recruiting period. This is the first fall recruit I’ve had Western Illinois — great grab as a top-15 center who averages a double-double and makes a serious impact defensively.

We beat Dayton the next game, 87-81, behind big games from Richards and Thompson. Here’s where I’m at with recruiting:

I have an offer out to Earnest Robertson, a four-star point guard from Los Angeles ranked No. 51 overall and No. 21 at his position. Obviously, this would be the biggest recruit in program history. UCLA and Oregon lead for Robertson, but his recruitment has a long way to go and I’m still his only offer.

I extend an offer to five-star shooting guard Arvydas Kavaliauskas out of Lithuania. I also offer Josiah Taybron, a 6’8 small forward ranked No. 109 overall (No. 21 at his position).

My final offer goes to Ira Willis, 6’7 power forward out of Queens, ranked No. 82 overall and No. 17 at his position.

I’m still chasing high upside guys over lower ranked prospects who I might have a better chance with. I’m hoping I can land one or two of these highly-ranked guys and still have some decent players left to choose from in the spring to fill out my class.

DePaul game is next. They’re an 89 overall, I’m an 88. This would be a huge win — and I get it, 63-47.

Like everyone says: Coach Rick, defensive mastermind. We beat UMBC, 87-54, with all five starters in double-figures the next game, then pound Saint Louis (Richards: 24 points and seven rebounds; Hehn: 17 points on 5-of-7 shooting from three).

My Leathernecks are 7-2 overall as the schedule full turns over to conference play. Is my team good enough to run the table in the Summit?

I win the first eight games by an average margin of about 15 points. We’re currently 15-2 overall and undefeated in conference on Jan. 23 when we drop 123 points on Oakland in a blowout win where Nelke — possibly my star of the future — scores 19 points off the bench on 5-of-5 shooting from the field and 4-of-4 shooting from three-point range. This is a demolition.

At the same time, It’s not going as well on the recruiting front. Each one of the four players I’ve offered is slow playing it. The good news is they’re slow playing it for everyone, not just me. It doesn’t make this any less nerve-wracking though considering I have so many scholarships to fill. Here’s what the board looks like right now — none of these guys are even close to committing.

I sim through the regular season and win out. Richards drops a career-high 35 points against UMKC in my last game. We end the regular season at 25-2 overall and 18-0 in conference.

No heartbreak in the Summit tournament this year, please.

Summit League tournament

Despite my sparkling record, I have no confidence I’ll get an at-large bid should we be upset in the conference tournament. First game is against Fort Wayne. I take home a 78-62 win with Richards leading the way with 21 points and 12 rebounds. Next up is South Dakota State in the semifinals. I win, 93-67, with Hehn dropping 26 points and Thompson finishing with 21 points and seven rebounds.

Now I have Southern Utah in the title game. Let’s go!

Oh, my God. My first conference loss of the year, and it happens in the title game, 84-80. I think I just felt my stomach fall out of my body. If this is Richards’ last game, at least he goes out with a new career-high of 37 points.

But wait! We get an at-large bid to the NCAA tournament

I can’t believe it. Is this the first at-large bid in Summit League history?

The Leathernecks are a No. 11 seed against Miami (Florida) in the first round. My team’s overall rating is up to a 90 now, with Richards at 87 overall as a senior, and Hehn and Messy at 84 and 83 overall, respectively, as true juniors. The Hurricanes are rated as a 94 overall.

No. 6 Miami (Florida) vs. No. 11 Western Illinois, NCAA tournament opening round

You know I watched the full game and cut up highlights — as a reminder, I’m not actually playing any of the games throughout this series, just watching the computer play it out.

Leatherneck Nation, let’s do this.

The soundtrack for this game is “The Better Parts of Space” from my bud Patrick Cosmos’ 2017 album Tonal Rotors. Support his music here.

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HELL YEAH.

What a win! Down eight with just over six minutes left, and we battle back. Messy was knocking down everything in the second half, and Wiedemann controlled the game from the opening tip. Love to see it. Also shouts to my center of the future, Deke Van, with the big 8-8-2 game without missing a shot.

WESTERN ILLINOIS IS STILL DANCING.

Next up: No. 3 seed Florida State in the Round of 32.

No. 11 Western Illinois vs. No. 3 Florida State, NCAA tournament Round of 32

This game features commentary from my bud, Zach (@ZM_Baseball), and I. It was incredibly intense from the opening tip to the final buzzer. Please enjoy more than seven minutes of Leathernecks basketball:

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One. Stop. Away. From the Sweet 16. And the refs bail out FSU with a whistle. UGH.

Incredible game, incredible season. Western Illinois will be back.

UCLA wins the national championship. My seniors — my first full recruiting class — have graduated:

Richards exits school with 1,614 points for his career — he somehow didn’t win back-to-back Summit League Player of the Year awards, which is a crime. Wiedemann, Cisse, Thompson ... all of them had great careers. And now the program moves forward.

Western Kentucky and UIC offer me a job. No thank you. Instead, I use my new coaching attribute points to boost my offensive and defensive ratings up to a B- and my teaching up to a B+.

Fall recruiting

I still have a ton of work to do in recruiting and I’m not optimistic.

Robertson — my four-star point guard ranked No. 51 overall — signs with UCLA after the second week. Damn.

One by one, everyone else also signs with another school, with one exception: power forward Ira Wells, who commits to WIU on the last week and becomes the first top-100 prospect in program history at No. 82 overall.

I just went 2-for-5 on open scholarships because I don’t have enough recruiting points at Western Illinois to make up ground late in the spring. This isn’t a death sentence for the program, but definitely a set back. I’m going to have to do major work on the recruiting front next year.

After setting my schedule, I sim forward to my sixth year.

Year 6

Here’s the first look at the roster:

To be continued.

If you want email updates on this series, fill out this form and get future articles sent straight to your inbox.

[brutefemme]

Well... here we are again.

Did you miss me? 

I guess I’ll always come back here. I’ll always be just a sad girl on the internet, and honestly, I’m here for her. (Although, I do use they/themme pronouns now.. wassaaaaap post-binaarrrryy!) I always come back here when I need to speak in a way that feels good; a way that I constantly ignore because I still think people don’t care (but here’s the secret: it doesn’t matter if no one cares. It only matters if I do.) Also, I haven’t had a working laptop in over a year because Apple really has all of us by the balls. I digress. I’m rambling to avoid as per usual. My mouth is always too fast while my fingers are painfully slow. My mind is a cosm traveling in no direction in particular. Well, maybe it is traveling in a direction... inward, toward itself. 

I have a lot to say. No one is surprised. 

It usually takes me a while, but I always find what I’m looking for by looking back. I would say it’s a cool little trick, but it’s not -- it’s kind of fucked up. 

Ehhh, I’m working through it. 

I did run into this post though and really fell into it. 

So... five years ago to my five years ago. Here we go. 

Hey Kirsten, 

You actually did change your name finally. You found it so beautifully too, like it was made for you. You’ve emerged into this new world you’ve built for yourself as kali diwa, and it fits in every possible way. It was right after a free POC Yoga class at the East Bay Meditation Center (Yes, you still do yoga, yes, you only do it with other brown folx around, and yes, seriously fuck yes, you live in Oakland. And bitch, you fucking love it.) where your teacher chose to honor Kali Ma, imploring her to burn all things that no longer serve you. It struck a chord, a strong vibration of both nostalgia and enlightenment, then you went home to watch Bourdain go to the Philippines again and that fool showed you exactly what you wanted to see: Kali - the ancient Filipino martial art that is intrinsically tied to the resistance of your homeland and your blood. How you could say no when revealed itself to you. And the best part? It’s yours, fully. 

You’re in Europe now, you as in 2015 you, and I know you feel so many things right now, but it’s okay. These are lessons you need to learn. You’re always exactly where you need to be at all times. You say that a lot now in 2020 and people kind of hate it, but they also love to hear it so... you’re gonna keep saying it. It’s a good reminder. This trip will be unpacked over and over and over again. So keep those eyes wide and that heart open - it will show you truth. 

After Europe, you come home with nowhere to go, but back to LA. You lived in a hostel again, which you didn’t want to do after living at that atrocious AirBnB situation, you know the one where there the host used a completely different name than what was given to you on the website, where you were told to tell people that you were “just a friend staying,” where there was no doorknob when you moved in, where the upstairs roommate had to walk through your room to get to theirs, where you only had a broken hot plate and lived off of sardines, and the windows had a privacy film on them that was made entirely of scotch tape, and that weird landlord that smelled homeless wouldn’t stop asking you if you were a lesbian (FYI, you kind of are so that fool clocked the shit out of you -- also never do that again). But after that, you lived with a slew of equally, if not more, horrible roommates that made you really question what the fuck you’re doing in LA, being unemployed, doing comedy, and generally just end up feeling like a loser. 

It’s okay. People find you and it's very kind. You end up dedicating a few years of your life to Philz, yes that Philz, New Manhattan Philz. It’s amazing until it’s not. They sell out hard. You didn’t even know what a Mint Mojito was before you started (which makes sense, there would be no reason for you to have ordered it before) but bitch bet you know what it is now. 

You finally dump stop talking to Colin, but then you tie yourself to some weird men. It’s gonna suck, but you do this a lot. You needed to, they were important to your growth and how you relate to your self worth. You’re also just horny as shit so, fuck it the fuck up. You really lean into being sexually liberated in a different way. It’s still really hard and confusing. 

In a year, you’re gonna spend Valentine's day realizing that you’re falling in love with yourself. Amidst the chaos of your love life, you find you. 

You find good homes that teach you so much care and kindness that it makes you want to scream. You and Yadira (one of the best roommates you’ve ever had) spend a wild summer together and then both end up living in the Bay - she inspires you to move back. She literally just texted you back right now so you can FaceTime tomorrow. It’s sick. 

You spend a year listening which doesn’t make sense now, but it will. It saves you, creates a new world for you that actually feels good and real. People hold you here, hold you how you needed it then. It’s as full as you can muster and it feels good until it doesn’t. So you do what you do best, you move.

I know right? Again? This is the part where you go back home. It’s the best decision you’ve made so far. 

Honestly? Honestly. 

You come home to go back to school. City College of all places. Wild, I know. But you know education has always been a pillar in your life. One of your favorite feelings of all time is actively feeling your brain take in new information. Learning is like magic and you want to experience it constantly. Also it’s free, which makes it socialist as fuck. You dive deep into social justice, a place you never thought you’d be, but honestly after Europe, after that last year in LA, it all makes so much sense. You are supposed to be here. The classroom is a fucking stage and you live for it. Nothing makes you hornier than a good debate and the sound of your own voice. Everything just feels better when you do it with your mouth. You join the sexual health educator program, end up being a healthy relationship counselor (I know - healthy relationships - this is where you do that learning thing), and working in sexual violence. It’s like Law and Order SVU, only not at all. It’s healing, it feels like good work as a survivor. You realize that comedy was never your girl, sex was. (Honestly, it’s both - it can be an “and” statement; you’re very complex. You also say that a lot now, again still annoying, but good reminders, so people can’t really get mad at you… right?) You also dive deep into gender stuff, racial stuff, all the good things. You start to become full. 

You feel yourself becoming a whole human being and then the world rewards you with a sweet lil queerbb. You’ll like them, they’re from Hawaii and came back to SF by way of Portland. It’s gay af and you’re into it. It’s kind, the healthiest relationship you could muster in puppy love. You feel how young it is, how it’s mostly about sex and suddenly, it doesn’t feel as good. It didn’t have the longevity to match you. You break it off kindly, and you’re thankful for it. A gentle experience for your first relationship ever, at 25. But then you spiral a little. The queer scene in Oakland is good but also a complete mess, but so are you. You go back to Spain, it feels like torture. You run into that pub crawl dude you fell in love with (read: made a fool of yourself in front of by getting ostentatiously drunk and throwing yourself onto him. Remember? It would have had happened like… last week) and it is sufficiently awkward. And you cry. You cry literally everywhere. 

26 is the year that you definitely just lean into tears… and it won’t stop. *insert thumbs up emoji*

You get a therapist, you lose a best friend, and you find yourself again and again and again. You only take what serves you. 

You realize that sex, your favorite girl, has deceived you for years. She has told you that this feeling is the one you crave, but it’s empty, housed in the desires of men and nothing for you. You have had enough. You have had a taste of what healthy sex can look like and nothing else is as sweet. It’s unfair. After 12 years of having sex, it’s only at 26 where you know that this is true. It’s so fucked up. So you stop. 

Really. 

It’s the most rewarding and devastating journey you’ve ever taken and it’s still. so. fucking. hard.

You create bonds with people who live close to your soul in a way that has never felt as real as it does now. You find connection everywhere and it’s electrifying. You feel powerful all the time. 

Once, you had a full moon ceremony in your backyard in Oakland (this is what you do now because you’re so annoyingly and unbelievably queer) and your friend Tiara, who you instantaneously knew you needed in your life, looked you in the eye and said “You’ve spent your entire life being fire, it’s time to become ocean.” It changed you. You listened. 

You have your dream job, working in the gayest place on earth, besides Disneyland, cause you already did that one. You work in a queer sexual health clinic, fully tied into the make up what makes San Francisco great, but also so fucking complicated and it feels good. Your job is driving a huge RV bus and  swabbing buttholes all over town. It’s brilliant. You’re on the precipice of change. You feel more alive than you ever have in your entire life. You feel in control. 

Everything has felt so special and complete, growing every day. And you’re just so goddamn thankful. You feel lucky, which I bet is super weird to hear considering you drunkenly just considered having sex with that short German guy in a suit who wants to be Barney Stintson. (Do you regret that? Yes. You do.) 

And in the face of all this gratitude, the world is still so unbelievably hard. 

We are in a bizarre time where you’re currently stuck in a pandemic quarantine with the funniest roommate and some kid who walked on to your bus one day to get his asshole swabbed. You just spend your 28th birthday in lock down. It was weird, and beautiful, and kind. You cried like you always do on your birthday, but it might be one of your favorites. It was complex, just like you. 

And you currently feel like your body is betraying you in ways that you did not at all foresee. And it fucking hurts.  

You’re reckoning right now. You’re doing a lot of reckoning with things you thought were done, things you thought you’ve laid to rest years ago. Things that felt fine, but they surfaced in spaces you didn’t expect. It’s unkind, but you don’t have to be. You are full like the moon. Just because you can’t see her wholly, does not mean that she isn’t always full. You are always full.

Authenticity is the key to being taken seriously. Remember that one, you’re gonna need it. 

Love you, boo boo

kali diwa 

P.S. You don’t bone as hard as you did before, but there’s more days to be had... it’ll find you.

[sanjayjain]

Their Looks & Courage far better than any filmy Hero...

They engaged 5 heavily armed Terrorists at Almost Point Blank ranges .

Only A Superhuman can do what #Paratrooper_Amit_Kumar🙏 did ..... He took 15 bullets head-on before he killed a terrorist. He was just in his twenties. As bullets whizzed & ripped through his body...He marched on like a LION charging at the terrorists with his friends , literally scaring the shit out of the terrorists who frantically try to jam their trigger ...He was like a raging LION...

The terrorists had infiltrated across the Line of Control last week. Movement had been noticed near the fence on April 1/Wednesday from Drone imagery. This was confirmed on the ground with footprints in the snow not far from the LoC. On Wednesday itself, search parties comprising troops from the #8Jat Regiment were launched. On Wednesday afternoon, there was a brief exchange of fire after which the terrorists fled their position abandoning some of their bags, containing ammunition. The area was quickly cordoned off.

At dawn on April 2/Thursday, troops from 41 and 57 #Rashtriya_Rifles joined the operation. Troops once again established contact with the terrorists at about 4.30pm. The terrorists returned heavy fire before slipping off one by one from a ledge. The chase continued, with contact established twice more on April 3 and 4.

On April 4/Saturday, two squads of the #4Para (Special Forces) were deployed for a forward staging to the nearest battalion headquarters, and from there to Rangdoori, Guguldara and Teen Behak areas of Jumgund. They needed to chopper it in as the battalion remains cut off by winter snow. The Dhruv helicopter dropped them off on a hill feature. The intention was to conduct a search operation from top down. The SF troops used quadcopter drones at this point to try and pinpoint precise locations of the 5-6 terrorists.

Over the day, intermittent exchanges of fire continued from 2 locations, and then narrowed down to just one location. Tracking movements across two days, it became clear that the terrorists had been cornered into a part of Kupwara’s dense Zurhama forest, not far from the Jumgund village. Final contact with the terrorists was established on Saturday evening.

Subedar_Sanjiv along with Paratroopers Amit and Chhatrpal tried to close in with the terrorist location. Tracking footsteps in the snow, the three men tragically realised too late that they were on a cornice — an overhanging mass of hardened snow at the edge of a mountain precipice. It broke under their weight and they fell into a nallah, a frozen mountain stream, right into where the terrorists were hiding. This led to a close quarter fight in the most literal sense. #Paratrooper_Amit sustained 15 bullet injuries while #Subedar_Sanjiv and #Paratrooper_Chhatarpal also took heavy fire. They managed to kill two of the 5 terrorists before succumbing to their injuries. The other two men, #Havildar_Davender and #Paratrooper_Balkishan rushed forward to extract their three comrades, charging into the exchange, quickly eliminating two more terrorists. A fifth terrorist who fled from the spot was killed by troops from 8 Jat.

In the words of an officer familiar with details, “As luck would have it, where they fell, the militants were sitting right there. This led to a firefight at virtually point blank range. I have to give it to the training standards of the SF guys. Inspite of the fall, all five terrorists were killed. The complete squad was lost.”

Two soldiers succumbed to their injuries on Sunday evening after being airlifted to Srinagar’s Army hospital. The remains of the other 3 commandos and the terrorists were found within just two meters of each other.

They fought well till their last breath, even after 3 of them had fractured bones after falling down from 150 feet. Made sure none of the tangos survived before breathing their last...

#Every_second_of_yesterdays_encounter_was #captured_with_the_accompanying_Quadrocopter #Drone... The entire 4 Para HQ saw it & they feel proud the squad didn't tarnish their dreaded reputation...

They will be posthumously awarded for their bravery and this Heroic Op will go down in the books as an inspiring lesson for future probies...

Yet I am proud that we are able to witness raw courage & bravery...We salute their family , especially their mothers for giving INDIA🇮🇳🇮🇳🇮🇳 ...LIONS!!

[rustbolt-answers-your-bullshit]

ACT 3

(Cover art by @snazzy-princess! Thank you so much! ITS ADORABLE!)

Rustbolt yawned and stretched his arms out, blinking rapidly as the sun shewn in his eyes.

Oh, right. He was a plant now, or something.

“Get up, shitsack!” Solar Flare screamed in his face.

Rustbolt flinched, 8.5 magnitude. “JESUS CHRIST!”

Solar flare smiled sweetly and batted her eyelashes.

“I swear, one second you’re crazy--”

“That’s the Kabloom~” She crooned.

“--And the next you’re sweet as sugar.”

“DAMN RIGHT! THAT”S THE SOLAR!” She shrieked. Rustbolt fell off the bed, and SF burst out laughing. “C’mon, Rustbucket, we’ve set up an initiation for ya.”

Rustbolt smiled, and followed the peppy little madness flower out of her house and they started making their way to LEAF HQ. “Thanks for letting me crash at your place, by the way.”

She beamed. “Of course! ‘Sides, I think I’m the only one that wouldn’t rip you apart.”

“What about Wall-Knight?”

SF’s smile faded. “He’s Solar and Guardian, but under that really…. REALLY thick shell is something you don’t wanna upset.”

Rustbolt nodded, not saying a word. He recalled when he and EB went to play mini-golf.

~FLASHBACK~

“What a sunny day!~” Said EB with a smile. Immediately his smile turned to a grimace as he said “I hate it!”

Rustbolt, caught completely off guard, doubled over in laughter. He was on his side, clutching his stomach, and couldn’t breathe. He felt something spark inside of him. Only now did he realize it was that feeling of being alive. Eventually, he went into a coughing fit, and stood up.

“Don’t they make inhalers for athsma?” EB asked.

“Hey, man. I’m hearty.” He slammed his fist to his chest with a clang. “I can handle it.”

EB smiled and handed Rustbolt a driver.

Rustbolt eyed the club. “You tryna slip by me, boy.”

EB narrowed his eyes. “Dammit.” He put it back in his bedazzled golf bag, and pulled out a putter for his best friend. “There.”

Rustbolt took the putter in his hands and beheld it. The grip handle was orange, the bar was purple and the club head was also orange. It had the zombie hero logo on the flat end of the handle, outlined in purple.

It matched his suit.

It matched his suit PERFECTLY.

Rustbolt shed a tear and looked up at his friend. “Thank you…” He bear hugged his boogie-ing buddy.

EB hugged Rustbolt, and chuckled. “I got you, man! You know I do stupid shit for you!”

“It’s the stupid shit like this that I love.” He held up the club.

“Wanna see stupider shit? Check out my driver.” He reached into the bag and pulled out a driver. The handle was light blue and purple, and the bar was yellow with black detailing. It was glossy, like rubber. The driver head was a little afro, and the flattened section had EB’s goggles painted on.

“HAHAHA!” Chuckling, Rustbolt playfully jabbed EB in the stomach with the handle of his putter, and they both started laughing.

“Alright,” said EB after the giggling had subsided. “Let’s start on hole one.”

The duo headed over to hole one, catching a few glares from some plants. But EB and Rustbolt had an unspoken rule: When you’re on the golf course, when you’re NEAR the golf course, you NEVER provoke a plant. It’s just common decency. Okay, uncommon. OKAY FINE. RARE.

SUPER-RARE.

L E G E N D A R Y D E C E N C Y

EB and Rustbolt both had taken their first stroke. EB got it in second shot, getting a par. Not like anyone was actually keeping track, though. Even though Rustbolt could’ve kept track via his suit, he didn’t. It was mini golf, for crying out loud, it’s for fun! So, Rustbolt went in for the kill and putted the unliving heck out of that dimpled orange ball.

It would’ve been par if a certain nut hadn’t blocked it.

“Zombies aren’t allowed,” Wall-Knight said with a solemn look on his face. “I’m gonna have to ask you to leave.”

Rustbolt and EB stood there. EB raised an eyebrow. “You gonna ask, or…?”

Wall-Knight chuckled. “Silly me,” he said. “Will you please...”

A three-headed chomped rose from the ground, behind Wall-Knight.

“...leave...”

A soul patch showed itself, next to the chomper.

“...the mini golf…”

A cornucopia popped up on the other side of the chomper.

“...course~” Wall-Knight’s armor went on and the spikes came out. With a few small booms and a rumble or two, the spikes on the bottom of the suit dug into the golf course.

EB yelped and jumped into Rustbolt’s arms, Scooby-Doo style. “I-Isn’t that astroturf on c-c-concrete?.....” EB pointed a trembling finger at the ground where Wall-Knight was.

All the nutcase did was smile. “Please leave.” He adopted a sad look and his voice became almost like he was pouting. “Otherwise I’ll have to use excessive force.”

Rustbolt gulped.

“VERY. Excessive.”

The running-away sound effect from Scooby-Doo would have been perfect. Rustbolt, still holding his friend, turned and tried to run, but had a hard time gripping the wet turf. When he finally got a decent foothold, him and EB were off.

That was the last time either of them EVER went to the golf course ever again.

~UNFLASHBACK~

Rustbolt shuddered. “Solar Flare?”

“Sup, nerd?” Asked Solar Flare, looking forward.

He reminisced. “Can EB visit me?”

The flower stopped dead in her tracks.

“I mean it. Please. H-He’s real chill, I swear--”

“Look, Rustbolt.” Solar Flare cut him off. “Let’s… Focus on the task at hand first. If you gain the trust of some others, then we’ll talk about it.”

“You’re like my mom,” Said Rustbolt angrily. He felt like he was being parented.

“The FUCK!?” She turned to him, head ablaze. He saw now why she would always put on her goggles before going flame. Her eyes were BLACK.

“OkayokayItakeitbackmorelikeafreakishlyscaryaunt.” He was protecting his pace with his hands, one eye closed and the other squinting, peering between his fingers.

“That’s better.” She extinguished and took him to the fountain outside LEAF HQ.

“Good god,” Rustbolt said to himself. “I’m just glad that only 4 of them are Kabloom.”

[dtk-imagines]

First just want to say you are awesome, love your imagines so damn much! :D so, about that pregnancy imagine... can you give me the reactions of the US and SF bro's realising that they themselves are pregnant with their S/O? like do any of them panic? do any of them figure out immediately that they are pregnant and not just sick? how do they tell their S/O about it? I have a mighty need for this, go nuts!

Aw man, THANK YOU! I’m really happy to hear that!! You are also awesome - I’ve been reading all of your tags, they’re seriously so sweet. (also your icon never fails to make me laugh, oh my god)

This was such a fun ask, thank you for sending it in! Also a note to add before this: With a monster/human situation, since the human has considerably less magic than average monsters, the monster parent’s load gets much heavier. The baby soul saps their magic reserves and it affects different monsters in different ways.

The pregnancy imagine referred to is here.

US!Sans/Plum:

– Plum feels the affects very soon after the soul is conceived, but he doesn’t think of it as anything out of the ordinary. It starts off as a mild headache and a cloudy, unfocused gaze - but he shakes it off and continues with whatever he’s doing. He gets these sort of off days every once in a while so he isn’t worried.

– But as the week wears on, the headaches don’t cease. In fact they get worse, making his skull pound and his normally alert eyelights dim. He does his best to last through his training, work, volunteering - but in the end, it’s too much. 

– He shares this with you after calling Alphys (or if you’re on the surface, his job there) to ask for a day off for the first time in… Well, for the first time ever, actually. That in itself makes the issue concerning enough, so you convince him to let you take him to a monster doctor.

– You’re in the same room when the doctor reveals the cause. At this point, Plum’s too out of it to realize what has been said. You have to repeat it to him a few times.

“I’M..” Plum’s eyelights flicker, but he’s trying so hard to process what you’ve said. You finally see the recognition in the way his entire face lights up, “I’M WITH A CHILD.. OUR CHILD! OH, STARS!” He jumps up from his seat, knocking his glasses askew as he picks you up with newfound energy. “I CAN’T BELIEVE IT! THIS IS - THIS IS SO INCREDIBLE!” He spins you once before setting you down. His hands grip your shoulders, and he looks like he’s about to speak -

but then his pupils vanish and he falls forward and on to you. With the pain in his head and the way he’s been pushing himself, the poor skeleton is completely spent. Not to worry though, he’ll be back to normal with proper rest.

– After recovering, he makes sure to slow down and take it easy for once. He doesn’t want to put any strain on the soul forming right next to his, so he lets you take care of a lot of the heavy lifting (as much as it bothers him).  Though you’ll have to reprimand him a few times - he’s going to get restless and find things to do, and he might take it a bit too far in an effort to feel more useful. Just remind him that he’s the one with a flippin’ child in him and you should be good.

US!Papyrus/Cherry:

– Unlike his brother, Cherry feels very little impact from the pregnancy. His magic reserves are quite high, so he’s not likely to feel much of anything until about a third through the process.

– He finds out by accident, really. He’s decided that this new honey stain renders his hoodie unusable, so he sheds it and starts rummaging through his drawers for a spare. Upon finding one, he goes to cross the room so he can throw the dirty one in the hamper and change.. Then something shines in his eye as he passes the mirror in his room. That’s weird. 

– He backtracks to spare a glance at his reflection and his sockets widen. The spot where his soul is shines bright - too bright - through his black tank top. He peeks in through the opening of the shirt and almost inhales the sucker in his mouth.

Glowing brilliantly next to his soul is another one. It’s small and only partially formed, but it’s unmistakable and holy shit holy shit holy shit

Cherry practically rips his shirt over his head and stumbles over to the mirror. He sits himself down there and stares at the soul for hours, his mind shooting out thoughts every second. What were you going to think?? Would you be happy?? Afraid? Would you freak out and leave him?? His thoughts spiral, wrestling with the idea of telling you about it. He eventually takes his phone out of his pocket to send you a text. 

“hey babe, got a minute today? i wanna show you something.”

Phalanges shaking, he taps send before he can stop himself. He’s a ball of nerves when you arrive, taking your hand to silently guide you to his room. You both sit in front of the mirror and he lifts his shirt to reveal the souls to you, bracing himself. When you react positively, throwing yourself at him in a hug, the tension seeps out of his bones and he lets himself feel the joy he’s been holding back.

– The rest of the pregnancy is, thankfully, smooth sailing. Papyrus only starts to feel drained towards the end, but luckily he can just deal with it by napping the whole day away.

SF!Sans/Hunter:

– The pregnancy affects Hunter the most. He’s rarely ever ill, he makes sure of that himself, so when he wakes up one day feeling sluggish and gross he already has his suspicions.

– Which are immediately confirmed when he begins his training session with Alphys. He barely dodges the swing of her axe when normally, he’s out of the way the moment she begins to make her move. His bone attacks form a fraction slower than they usually do, throwing off his groove. 

– He holds up his hand in the middle of their fight and shouts for Alphys to stop. Hunter would never do such a thing if it wasn’t urgent, so she does, and he tells her the situation. She lets him leave with the promise of a rematch and he makes a speedy exit to get to the doctor.

– Once it’s confirmed, he heads home with a scowl etched into his features. He’s warring with his thoughts and he doesn’t know what he’s feeling. Hunter never once thought about having children in the Underground; It was a nearly impossible task to have them, let alone raise them in that environment, and he’d experienced the latter first hand. All his life he’d known that having a child would be impractical, so to know that he is going to have one now makes him.. afraid. And that makes him angry.

– He enters the house, boots clicking loud on the floor as he goes to the stairs, where you’re descending to welcome him home. He meets you at the bottom and grabs your hands, glaring at you fiercely. “HUMAN, I –”

He stops; he’s suddenly aware that he hasn’t thought of what to say to you yet. Sans was so lost in his feelings that he’d somehow completely forgotten about your part in this. Yes, he was going to have a child - but he was going to have a child here on the surface, here with you. His soulmate. At this, his expression changes into something so, so vulnerable.

“WE’RE.. WE’RE HAVING A CHILD.”

– Hunter is a mix of extremely irritable and wonderfully cheerful throughout the pregnancy. He’s endlessly annoyed at the fact that the baby has drained him to the point where he can barely do anything without feeling faint, and he scolds the little soul on the regular. He already loves them to death though, make no mistake.

SF!Papyrus/Hound:

– Hound is only marginally affected by the new soul. It’s thanks to his magic reserves, yes, but the biggest reason he doesn’t feel much is because the baby is taking most of its energy from his gaster blasters.

– So while he doesn’t notice anything with himself, he starts to get worried when the blasters he’s summoned to linger around the house look constantly tired and lethargic. A few days of them just laying around is what makes him check himself one day, and he’s shocked when he sees more than one set of stats.

– Stunned and alarmed, he calls his brother and asks him to come over so that he can check him too. When it comes up the same for Sans, Hound sits down and holds his head in his hands. He’s pregnant with a child! Oh god, oh my god, he’s pregnant with your child!! Much like in this ask, he’s immediately doubtful that’d he’d be a good father. Does he really have what it takes?? Will you be happy to have a child with him?? Or will you leave and never come back??

– Hunter convinces him to just tell you (”OR I WILL TELL THEM MYSELF, SO HELP ME”) so he calls you and asks you to come over. And Hound never makes phone calls unless it’s important, so you’re over there in a flash.

– Sans lets you in and leaves you in the living room, where Hound is standing and looking incredibly uneasy. He sits you down on the couch, but it seems as though he’s lost in his thoughts. He sits there in silence until you prod at him and ask what’s wrong.

“nothing’s wrong, sugar.” He assures you, finally meeting your eyes. “i’m just.. i’m..” He sighs heavily, and gives up on his words, unzipping his vest and pulling down his shirt so you can see the two souls floating side by side. “we’re gonna have a kid.”

His doubts vanish when you express your glee with a kiss.

 – The pregnancy has its ups and downs - there will be times when the soul switches between eating away at his main magic reserves and the blasters, but all in all things aren’t too bad. You’ll find him whispering to the baby, telling them how excited he is to meet them and how he hopes that they’re more like you.

[the4elementals]

My teen movie worthy adventure

Aight so last Sunday night I was all snuggled up in my bed watching Disney movies and eating waffles, a pretty laxed evening. I was right in the middle of Tower of Terror when I got a call, I was expecting it to be mom since her and the rest of my family has been out of town, but it was my cousin who lives about 30 min from me. She calls and goes "hey Alicia wanna go see a free concert with me and my friend tonight? Camille couldn't make it so she sent me the tickets", automatically I said yea. Bc free concert, why not ya know? I got dressed hella fast, did my makeup, and called my mom as I was sprinting out of the house to tell her about my last minute escapade. I got my cousin, her friend, and we took off to San Francisco, since that's where the concert was. It took us like 45 min to get there, and once we were there the people scanned our tickets and give us floor wristbands. Nd we're thinking 'Oh okay cool, we probably won't be able to see much but at least we'll hear', but nah. We ended being right in front of the stage watching MØ (ya know Kamikaze, Final Song, Cold water w/ Justin Bieber, that chick) which was fucking awesome. She's was an amazing performer and put on a great show. The concert ended about an hour and a half later (we were late but eh we didn't care), so we talked and we're like "Well want can we do at 11 o'clock at night, on a Sunday, in San Francisco?". Well for starters, we tried to follow MØ from the concert venue back to her hotel. We just ended up waiting outside in the cold for an hour. But still we wanted to go do something, make the most of our drive to SF. So the next part of our adventure was to drive up to Twin Peaks, one of the most touristy spots in SF. On clear days it has an amazing view of SF and the surrounding Bay Area, and on clear nights the sight is gorgeous. So like most teen movies go, we blasted some alternative indie, rolled down the windows and stuck our heads out while driving around places in SF we've all never seen before. It felt like Perks of Being a Wallflower and Paper Towns mashed together. Think deserted city streets, old neon signs, and that hipster vibe you get from inner big cities, plus that one car that's full of teenagers laughing and messing around. That was us and it was awesome. The going to Twin Peaks was in my opinion a lot more fun that the place itself. Don't get me wrong the place was awesome, you could see all the way from the Golden Gate Bridge all the way to San Mateo bridge that goes over the most middle part of the bay. All the bridges were glowing, and you could see them shining clearly, you could see all the different districts, you could see the dimly lit alcatraz, AT&T park where the Giants play, and since we got there at around 12 you could see the fog start rolling in from the Pacific over the Bay. My phone camera doesn't do it justice, I tried. We stood for about a half hour just taking pictures and talking about school, work, and what it's be like if we just took off for a road trip up the Pacific Northwest, (personally I was 100% down). The drive home wasn't anything special, we just continued talking about our lives, I was still trying to convince them into going to Oregon; it didn't work btw. But yea the rest of the night/morning wasn't anything special. But everything else was. I dunno guys, you watch the movies and you think about how cliché it is and sometimes even wanting something similar to happen, but you don't get the whole vibe and experience until you're really out there being like those teenagers/young adults in the movies. If you haven't already, go out there and make some of these memories with your friends. Trust me on this. Anyway here are some of my favourite lines from that night were: -"hoes never get cold Sarah, hoes never get cold!"/"a hoe never gets cold" x 100 -"listen all I'm saying is, I got sleeping bags in my trunk, spare clothes, and a full tank of gas, we're set for anything" "No Alicia, we're not going to Oregon" "dammit you're no fun" -"Camille don't put your leg over the edge -Oh dammit Camille" -"guys, this neighborhood has bus stops with neon lights. Holy shit this is awesome" -"Idk what she's on, but I want what she's having!" -"Let's just go to SFO and buy the cheapest tickets to wherever and go"

[transcriptroopers]

Trope: Authority Equals Asskicking

It's been a while since I did an OP for a trope, and way back in the early days this was one of the first tropes requested of me, so I figured what better time to finally post it?

Authority Equals Asskicking is a trope that basically correlates rank to power. The higher ranking someone is, the more badass they're going to be. It basically acts as if real life were mimicking a video game in which the “final boss” is the biggest honcho.

The funny thing about this trope is that even though it's false, I feel like it has some basis in reality, and furthermore I don't think the trope page does a very good job of presenting reality. This is in the first paragraph of the trope page: “In the real world, soldiers are usually promoted for their leadership and management skills, not for their fighting prowess. If anything, senior ranking soldiers tend to be worse at fighting than the rank-and-file, because they are generally older, and they do not train as much because they are not expected to actually engage in combat. There are exceptions, but they usually don't put themselves In Harm's Way. In fact, in the US military, Special Forces officers rarely are promoted as high as General (or Admiral in the Navy) and tend not to rise any higher than Colonel (or Naval Captain). ”

And I'm like...mmmmyeeeeeeno? I can't believe I'm not only debunking the trope, but the trope page as well. My goodness.

As per usual this description treats the army like the only existing MOS in it is infantry, or at the least only combat MOSs.

But I digress.

It's true that on paper, what's most important is that a person has completed their leadership courses (you have to take courses and pass tests to rise through the NCO ranks) and usually has to make an impression as a leader. “Fighting prowess” isn't really a thing you're going to be looking for unless you're actually in a combat MOS, so that's not even relevant. But despite its masses upon masses of paperwork, the army rarely ever does anything strictly by what's on paper. NCOs get promoted because they're short on certain ranks and just pushed forward the best they had, because the higher-ups are favoring a particular soldier for personal reasons, and because some NCOs are just more hooah-hooah than others. This means you have some NCOs who are really badass at PT but who suck at their job, NCOs who have really good technical knowledge but who suck at PT, NCOs who are good at PT and their job but have no idea how to be a leader, and some NCOs that are just shit at everything and we have no idea how they even got there. It's a bit of a treat when you have an NCO who's Sergeant Fucking Goldilocks.

So right off the bat, that alone tells you that the trope is a bust. It's entirely possible to have a high ranking individual who got their job by kissing ass and it's entirely possible to have an NCO who's a beast at their job but who can't PT for shit.

I'd like to mention btw that while it's true lower enlisted are expected to bear the brunt of physical labor, our NCOs are often expected to be in there with us when we're training. If we're doing combatives or pugils or marksmanship, you can expect our NCOs to be there too. They may delegate tasks to us, but they absolutely jump in with us when needed. So this nonsense about not training as much...like yes maybe they aren't getting as much instruction or doing as many repeated drills but they're almost certainly still training. The good ones will be, at least. As we've established not all NCOs are necessarily good NCOs.

The “because they're older” part...again, not necessarily, since you can join up until you're 35, so you can have an E-1 who's 35 and an E-6 who's 24. Plus higher-ranked NCOs are less likely to physically excel not because they're old but because they've been in the army longer and they've had more opportunities to be wounded and/or develop a disability. Condensing it down to “because they're generally older” is kind of insulting tbqh.

But the grain of truth in the trope is that people with more physical prowess...ARE most likely to be promoted, and that's the last line debunked. I'm afraid I don't have any statistical evidence for it, so obviously you can take this with a grain of salt.

Maybe SF don't regularly rise to general, but I can assure you that other combat-oriented soldiers ARE more likely to rise to general, and other ranks as well. Like, by a fairly substantial rate. That's because above all else, the army tends to value its strongest. Soldiers who are good at PT are more respected than those who aren't. Soldiers who are able-bodied are more respected than those who aren't. The best damn NCO in the world, solid leader, reliable with paperwork, star performance at his job, might be overlooked if not ridiculed by his leadership because he sucks at PT. So in a way, the Authority Equals Asskicking trope is KINDA based on truth, since the army is generally more likely to promote soldiers who are strong physical performers. Plus if anything, I'd argue that a proper asskicking is more dependent on experience, skill, and knowledge rather than just someone who's pretty strong. A high-ranking soldier would have all three of those things handy compared to a fresh private, and if you add concepts like jadedness and battle-hardened into it I think the trope might actually really have something there.  However, as always, tropes can never be expected to carry a story on their own. There’s nothing wrong with using a trope as long as you stay creative and keep the story true to itself.

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