#if that’s not profound idk wtf is

[greededling]

barbie was fun and a great spectacle but idk i guess i expected too much from it

[astrobydalia]

Vietnamese astrology observations

Some observations on the Vietnamese astrology signs to celebrate the lunar new year. Disclaimer: these are based on observations and experiences from my pov as a dragon lmao As always credits to @novy2sirius for the inspo and knowledge of these things.

astrobydalia

🎋I've rarely seen Tigers getting married or having a relationship that lasted more than 1-2 years💀​💀 But the few ones that I've seen with stable marriages had spouses who were incredibly independent, someone who they admire and acts like they don't need/want the tiger person all that much. When tigers have these kinds of parters, they seem to be the most devoted and engaged in their relationships

​​💮​Tigers are highly attracted to danger (e.g. Mr Beast), sometimes to very concerning extents

​​💮​Tigers 🤝 having the attention span of an ipad kid. They like to command attention to themselves but don't like it when others demand their attention

​​💮​Which speaking of, Tigers ooze main character energy I’ve noticed. They are the star of the show and they know it. It's hard to not notice them in a room and honestly they really do have that 'it' factor, have this ‘unique’ energy to them (I think Lady Gaga is very representative of this vibe)

​​💮​My honest opinion on Tigers tho is that they’re annoying af, tend to be very abrupt and the kind of people who don’t know when it’s time to stop and stfu. Tiger men in particular I’ve noticed tend to say and do very inappropriate things often.... However I've seen older/more mature tigers that are pretty chill and simply have BDE

🎋Cats/Rabbits have beautiful smiles and a very youthful look to them. I’ve noticed however that they tend to smirk a lot, often appear cunning and mischievous cause they looooove messing with people, a lot of teasing and provoking. Very witty.

​​💮​Also, cats/rabbits are pretty horny and slutty. Even when they don't talk about sex at all their energy is very sensual, they come off as "easy" iykwim

​​💮​I’ve also noticed cats/rabbits have like some glow to them idk they look like this ✨🎀🪄 to me

🎋Horses are talented and really good at their job and crafts but they are also kinda bland and uninteresting tbh. On a surface level, they are cool cause they are rather playful, social and very engaging, they also have an approachable and warm aura. However they feel a lil vapid and superficial to me after some time. They don't look deeper into things and don't consider long-term consequences. They're also pretty aloof and inexpressive a lot of times

​​💮​Horses are very agile tho both mentally and physically. They are quick to respond to immediate or short-term situations/problems and I've also seen they are prone to be on the go 24/7

​​💮​I’ve also noticed horses tend to look strong, fit, muscular or in shape even when they don’t go to the gym

🎋I don't initially gravitate towards snakes but I always end up vibing with them incredibly well. Very profound, intelligent and insightful people. They have a lot of knowledge and wisdom about life. If you are looking to have philosophical convos they will totally deliver, both street smart+book smart

​​💮​It's extremely hard to get close to them on a personal level tho. They have sus energy and seem to hide a shit ton of things about themselves.

​​💮​Snakes are also very good at easing themselves into leading positions, they sneakily take charge of situations.

​​💮​Snakes have a wild side when underdeveloped tho. A lot of snakes I know are into conspiracy theories and/or are all about this idea of going against the system or the stablished rules but like in a very unhinged way. Tend to also make apparently mindless decisions that make ppl go "wtf are you doing?". In many cases they can become controversial af (e.g. Kanye, JK Rowling)

​​💮​Something I’ve noticed a lot with Snakes is that they tend to randomly ghost people. They’re the kind of people who you never really know where you stand with them unless y’all are super duper close. Tend be secretly very judgmental and have a very all-or-nothing mindset in their relationships (obsessive AF). They play A LOT of mind games with ppl all the time

🎋Both Tigers and snakes have difficult love lives and are prone to getting in abusive relationships. What I’ve seen with snakes in particular is that they tend to be the toxic and manipulative ones most of the times (e.g. Chris Brown). With tigers I've seen it go both ways but what stands out with them is that they tend to get in relationships where there is a MAYOR power imbalance in some way such as huge age gap or things like that (e.g. Amber Heard or Marylin Monroe). Tigers are attracted to forbidden people and that's also why they are the most prone to cheat

🎋RoostersI've noticed have very neat features, sharp jawlines, high cheekbones, nice lips, etc. They always look really snatched af and their bodies seem to have perfect proportions regardless of their body type.

​​💮​And yeah I've seen they are indeed the most arrogant out of all the signs here

🎋Both Snakes and Roosters are rather funny and sarcastic, but roosters pull it off more naturally. They guenienly have an unbothered and unserious vibe to them so humor comes to them effortlessly even when they don't try at all. With snakes it feels like they are intentionally trying to be punny so it doesn't land the same a lot of times

​​💮​A lot of roosters have memorable moments that become iconic memes😭:

​​💮​A lot of Roosters ik actually do not think of themselves as being funny or charming at all. They usually describe themselves as serious and hardworking

🎋Dragons have a very large and in charge personality, they often appear chill and normal at first glance but I’ve noticed they tend to be known for being unapologetic and highly expressive (Rihanna, Ryan Raynolds, Emma Stone, Adele, Kenue Reeves)

​​💮​When developed dragons quite literally and genuinely don’t give a fuck what people think, say or do to them. “Im just doing me” energy

​​💮​Dragons tend to enhance their own self-importance as a defense mechanism when they’re insecure tho. They might or might not be the most confident but they’d rather die than let others see that

​​💮​Dragons very often lack self-accountability or self awareness and tend to not handle conflict well. They are prone to having one-sided beef with people who aren't even thinking about them, I’ve seen this so much!!!!💀💀😭 It's giving:

​​💮​On that same line, Dragons tend to be advocates against mean or bad ppl I've noticed but this often manifests as them getting in personal vendettas about things that have absolutely nothing to do with them. So a lot of times all they're doing is causing a chaos nobody asked for

🎋Goats I wanna protect tf out of them. It's so hard to stay mad at them fr, they have the most endearing energy and they're very popular from what I've observed.

​​💮​When underdeveloped goats have the worst emotional intelligence and tend to be very emotionally volatile. Tend to take things personally very easily and make other people pay for their own issues

​​💮​Goats are the definition of a simp when in love or in a relationship. They LOVE romance and tend to be really good at it as well

​​💮​Goats are very soft spoken too!! I always find myself LOVING their voice or the way they speak, it's really soothing and hypnotic

🎋I honestly don’t like monkeys all that much, I can vibe with them cause we’re friend signs or whatever but they tend to be pretty childish, emotionally immature and self-centered imo. They can be very deep and intelligent but also fail to be responsible and take things seriously a lot of times

​​💮​The good side of them is that they are very creative and they are the type of person that never gets old to have around, they have many hidden talents

​​💮​Something else I like about Monkeys is they are really good with kids and are very family oriented. They truly love children and will prioritize the younger people in their life whether it’s their own kids, their siblings, etc

​​💮​I've also noticed Monkeys can be big big liars. They lie a lot and for no reason at all.

🎋Pigs aren't really all that ambitious, what they mainly want out of life is to live with as much comfort, ease and financial stability as possible and that's it. The good thing about this is that this can make them rather genuine people, not the type to have a hidden agenda or anything like that

​​💮​Pigs tend to be lazy but they can be hardworking at the same time. They drag their feet to do anything but when they finally bring themselves to put in the work they actually deliver great results. They are VERY financially smart too, you can count on them to get high-value and high-quality stuff

​​💮​Honestly pigs actually have a lot of potential, they can be very disciplined but their main thing is that they expect everything to be handed to them on a silver platter

​​💮​I’ve noticed pigs are very likable but also tend to be socially awkward at the same time. They're like that one introverted person everyone loves and wants in the group

🎋I don't vibe with oxes for some reason. They appear calm, unassuming and grounded but my god they are strategic, calculating and ruthless affff. Very self-righteous too, have a very unapproachable energy😭

​​💮​Oxes have a very harsh and cold “you gotta do what you gotta do” mindset and which can be really good but I think that's what I find the most unsettling about them. If you try to appeal to their more emotive side once they’ve set their mind on something they’ll look at you like this:

​​💮​Oxes are very disciplined and resilient tho. If people try to tear them down those people will fail miserably. Truly a force to be reconned with

​​💮​Oxes are super duper loyal too in EVERY aspect of their life, similar to dogs

​​💮​A lot of oxes that I've seen were surprisingly into occult as well or were into holistic forms of self-improvement. They can be very "zen" people

🎋Oxes and pigs are the most materialistic signs from what I've seen.

🎋Snakes and dragons are the biggest gatekeepers. Not just with material things but with anything that is valuable to them and gives them sense of power (think of the legends of dragons always guarding a treasure and the sneaky and secretive nature of snakes)

🎋Rats are usually very playful and energetic I’ve seen but in a more graceful and charming way. Very good entertainers and cool people to have around to be honest, another sign that tends to be popular.

​​💮​Rats seem to be all-rounders, very adaptable, fast learners and open-minded which is the main reason why I've seen they find success in the matrix.

​​💮​The main negative I’ve seen with rats tho is that they can be rather opportunistic and hypocritical but they hide this very well. They’re really good at sweet talking others and staying in people’s good graces. Very manipulative and deceitful, they can easily hide any ulterior motives and appear genuine to others

​​💮​A lot of Rats I know are interested in health and wellness in some way, having good hygiene, eating good food, working out, meditating, etc. Cooking in particular is a big thing with them I've noticed

🎋Dogs feel very mid to me….. I recognize they are MUCH more creative, intelligent and clever than horses imo but their go with the flow energy can make them very unoriginal or predictable.

​​💮​Dogs are also the definition of “same old story”. Strong tendency to stay stuck in the past, going back to their old ways and never really reinventing themselves

​​💮​The good thing about this tho is that its true dogs are loyal and consistent af tho, the kind of loyalty and devotion most people would only wish to find in someone and they are also peaceful, compromising and charming

​​💮​Dogs are very pretty too, they clean up nicely but I've noticed they tend to be super insecure about their image

​​💮​Dogs appear kind and trustworthy regardless of what kind of person they are deep down. Either they're genuinely very lawful and righteous people or very fake and phony, the type to smile to your face while planning to murder you in their heads

That's all folks!

astrobydalia

[skrunksthatwunk]

let it be known that this started as what if i became a doll collector and the answer is still that im unemployed

what if i became a figure collector (<- unemployed)

[m1ckeyb3rry]

CHRYSOPEIA (OR, THE TURNING OF MERCURY TO GOLD)

“Stay here, thief of Okhema, and I will not give you riches, but something even more precious — knowledge,” he says. “If you can bear it, I will teach you something far beyond what your unimaginative mind can fathom at present: chrysopeia, the turning of mercury to gold.”

Synopsis: You try to steal from the wrong man, and he brings you to someone who promises you the impossible — a way to grow beyond your measly station as a petty thief, by taking something as common as mercury and turning it into gold.

HSR Masterlist

Divider: @/thecutestgrotto

Pairing: Anaxa x F!Reader

Word Count: 5.0k

Content Warnings: another nonsensical m1ckeyb3rry drop with 0 elaboration just vibes, idk anything about anaxa i was just making it up #allinmyhead, mentions of stealing and punishment and whatnot, castorice + mydei + phainon all make cameos to varying extents, this is like canon adjacent because idt it's fully compliant but whatever, reader is an unreliable narrator, formatted somewhat like a scientific paper but don't be fooled it's just aesthetic there's no correlation or anything i just felt silly, this is very like. wtf is going on yk, the biceps in his light cone overcame me sorry, i don't like him or anything, also i haven't played amphoreus yet LMFAOO I APOLOGIZE THIS IS MID <//3

A/N: WHEN I SAID I WAS GOING TO WRITE MORE OVER BREAK I MEANT IT...i lowkey shit this out in like a couple of hours though so it's very mid HELPME also it's like barely romantic icl but whatever #weup also thank you very much to my dear anaxaloving friends apollo @/hythlodayus and choki @/chokifandom for allowing me to bother them with my questions about their man for (seemingly) no reason...i am sorry for butchering your goat SDKJHLF i will do him better after i have played the game I SWEAR (maybe)

ABSTRACT

Background: Quick fingers are the hallmarks of an average thief; a quick mind is what is necessary for those who wish to last in this profession. Discernment and discretion are required — how many have gotten cocky and attempted to rob the Lady Aglaea, thinking her sightless eyes will render the task simple? As many as have lost their hands for it, you are sure. Yet amongst every crook in the fair city of Okhema, you alone have been brave enough to steal from the Prince Mydeimos, who, upon becoming aware of your wandering touch, only gave you a bewildered look and bade you to return his purse, after which he took out a fistful of coins and dropped them in your palm, his lips pressed together in pity as he told you you were worth more than this.

Methods: Your mother is the one who introduced you to this life, and she is also the one who tells you you must find some way to escape it. She insists you could be something better if you try, a temple maiden or a merchant’s wife or a royal attendant. You do not have the heart to tell her you are too dirty to be a priestess, too wicked to be a wife, and too shrewd to be an attendant, for in her eyes your every flaw is erased, your every virtue magnified. So you only smile when she brings it up, patting her on the cheek and telling her you will consider it well. She does her best to smile back, although you know it is difficult, for there is a knife ever-present in her mind, twisting and twisting with every breath she takes, every flash of light her feeble eyes are exposed to — still, she tries, which you are more grateful for than she can ever know.

Results: Even you are not infallible. Even you make errors in judgement. Less so than most, less so than any, but it is this perceived perfection which is your downfall, which drives you to pride and carelessness. It is a white haired man who catches you with your hand in his pocket, his eyes widening like he cannot believe it, and then he is frowning with a great, profound sadness. Your gaze flicks to the sword at his hip and you wonder if he will draw it; his trails after yours and his brow furrows, but he shakes his head as he takes your wrist, telling you that he will not be the one who decides your fate, that he does not trust himself to have that discernment, that discretion — traits, you suppose, that are as necessary for the judges as they are for the judged.

You are sure he is taking you to the Marmoreal Palace, where the Lady Aglaea will put you down for this great crime, this attempted pilfering of a golden Chrysos Heir, and you curse yourself with every step, wishing you had instead tried your luck with the prince of Kremnos again; for all his renowned barbarism, at least he would have to deal with you in his own way instead of bringing you to Lady Aglaea, for fear of his people losing what little faith they still had left in him. Yet to your surprise, the Chrysos Heir, who does not give you his name, takes you out of Okhema altogether, and so it is that you find yourself in the Grove of Epiphany, standing before a one-eyed madman.

Conclusion: “You attempted to steal from my pupil,” says the professor, his voice passionless and bland. He does not assign any moral value to the fact simply for stating it, and anyways, you have no grounds upon which you can deny it, not when your ring finger still itches and the white-haired Chrysos Heir’s face is still solemn. 

“I would’ve gotten away with it,” you say, quiet at first and then certain, sure. “Don’t think I wouldn’t have.”

“I don’t,” he says, and that is all. “So you are entirely consumed by the pursuit of wealth. How weak-minded.”

“It is not wealth but life I am interested in,” you correct him. He frowns; at your side, the white-haired Chrysos Heir clears his throat uncomfortably, though he does not move to interrupt the exchange.

“Well. And do you know what alchemy is?” the professor says.

“A fairytale for children,” you say promptly, for you have heard the stories of water turning to wine, of dirt to chocolate and death to life.

“I am only concerned with reality,” he says. “You are right — much of it is fantastical and wrong, or not worth pursuing. Who amongst us has any interest in mundane experiments that help no one? Yet even in fiction, there is truth to be found, and if it is wealth you want, then I will give you an endless amount.”

“You’re…rewarding me?” you say, and you cannot help but turn to the white-haired Chrysos Heir, thinking that he will surely be indignant. Yet he is placid and does not complain; when he notices you looking at him, he even smiles slightly, like he knows something you don’t.

“Make no mistake,” says the professor. “This is not a reward. It will destroy you, and you will fail, and this failure will destroy you further. You will become a shell of yourself, and you will do so willingly, for it is the price you must pay in order to ever attain success.”

“I don’t understand,” you say nervously, for you cannot tell yet if this is a better or worse fate than whatever Lady Aglaea would’ve sentenced you to. “What riches can possibly be worth that much?”

“Stay here, thief of Okhema, and I will not give you riches, but something even more precious — knowledge,” he says. “If you can bear it, I will teach you something far beyond what your unimaginative mind can fathom at present: chrysopeia, the turning of mercury to gold.”

1. Background

You report to Professor Anaxagoras’s lab five minutes after you are meant to, for you still cannot quite believe that it is real, that you have found yourself in the Grove of Epiphany, working alongside a Sage. He is hunched over a vial of some shimmering, flame-like liquid, his face pale as he scrutinizes it, and you stand in the doorway, wondering if you should introduce yourself. Before you can, however, he’s putting the vial away and pulling another out, rolling it between his fingers.

“Mercury,” he says. The liquid metal is runny and bright, a silvery egg-yolk that writhes in the glass he’s trapped it in. “Do you want to touch it?”

“No,” you say, because there’s something vile about it, about the trembling mass that almost has a life of its own. You think that he must be angry at you, for he stares at you, marveling at your hasty, blunt manner, but then he hums appreciatively.

“Good. It’s poisonous,” he says. 

“It is?” you say, and you wonder, then, how he can manage to handle it so casually. He shrugs.

“Not everyone agrees with the theory, but it’s an unavoidable truth that everything it touches is ruined, so how can it be anything but? That’s why I keep it contained whenever possible,” he says, setting the vial down on the table before you. “Shall we begin?”

“Yes,” you say, leaning forward in the anticipation of some showy form of magic or mystique. Yet all he does is look at you, and then he frowns, an expression which you are coming to find makes its home on his face more often than not.

“Do you not find my work noteworthy?” he says, motioning towards your empty hands. You don’t know what he means at first, but then, when you realize, you shake your head.

“I can’t write,” you say.

“If you are lacking in materials, I will tell Phainon to bring some for you,” he says.

“No,” you repeat. “I can’t write.”

What you want to say is that you are not a scholar, you are a thief, a girl his student brought from the streets for him to punish. Perhaps this is a part of that punishment, because you have never felt so humiliated as you do in that moment, the hot shame of it washing over you, and so you set your jaw and resolve not to defend yourself. You will not give him the satisfaction of it, of knowing that he has, with such a simple statement, already left you reeling, so you cross your arms and wait for him to continue.

“I see,” he says. “Very well, then. You can go.”

You return to your room, secure in the knowledge that you will be free to go home soon instead of keeping up this charade of intellectual pursuits. Indeed, that night, there is a knock on the door, and you are sure it is that white-haired Chrysos Heir, Phainon, come to take you to Okhema for your true reckoning.

And it is Phainon, but he is dressed casually, not in the way an official escort would be, with a scroll in one hand and a pen in the other. He is awkward when he enters the room, and when you do not greet him, this awkwardness only doubles.

“Professor Anaxa sent me,” he says, putting the scroll and the paper alike on the small, bare nightstand you have been provided with. “Castorice will come by tomorrow to help you.”

He bows in deference then, jauntily and unsure, before backing out of the room. You reach your hand out to stop him, and he does so at once, cocking his head at you, waiting for you to speak.

“Don’t you hold a grudge against me?” you say.

“For what?” he says. “Oh, my wallet? I don’t have anything in it, anyways. You would’ve been disappointed even if you were successful.”

“What?” you say, utterly taken aback. He rubs the bridge of his nose.

“Being a Chrysos Heir isn’t exactly a paying job,” he says. “I’m closer to being like you than being like, say, Aglaea.”

“Is that why you brought me here?” you say.

“I guess so,” he says. “Something about the look in your eyes seemed to remind me of the professor. I thought he would better know how to handle…all of it. I’m not so good with these things.”

“Do you still think he does?” you say. Phainon squints at you, and then, to your surprise, he nods.

“Yes, I do. Rest well,” he says. “I’m sure I’ll see you around.”

The next morning, a woman with mournful irises and gloves pulled up to her elbows comes to your room and introduces herself as Castorice, telling you she will help you learn how to read and write. You think of asking her why Anaxagoras himself will not, but you stop before you can. You’re not sure the answer is one you will like, anyways.

2. Methods

Castorice agrees to draft a letter to your mother, telling you Phainon himself will deliver it — he doesn’t have much better to do, she confesses, giggling shyly like the two of you are old friends poking fun at a third, Professor Anaxa will be glad to be rid of him for a while — and then she brings you to the laboratory, keeping you an arm’s length away from herself the entire time. You almost want to beg her to stay, for now that the veil of arrogance has lifted from your eyes, you are faced with the naked truth that Anaxagoras is a frightening man, perhaps as frightening as Lady Aglaea herself, but you have not lost that much of your dignity yet, so you keep your mouth shut, returning her farewell with one of your own and waiting until she rounds the corner before you enter the laboratory.

“Good morning,” Anaxagoras says, though as before, he does not look up from whatever he is absorbed in.

“It’s afternoon,” you say. He glances out of the window.

“And so it is,” he says.

“Is that gold made from mercury?” you say, pointing at the cup from which he is drawing little droplets and smearing them on blank parchment. It is sparkling and luxurious, but he only laughs at the question.

“In a sense,” he says. “This is what the principles of alchemy were founded on, some would argue. So, you can call it that if you’d like.”

“It’s beautiful,” you say.

“Is it?” he says. “I often wonder myself.”

“For you, I suppose it is meaningless, but to me…” Your words drift into a sigh. “How many cups of the like could I fill with medicine for my mother, just from the contents of that one?”

“Don’t presume things about people you don’t know,” he says. “And you’d be surprised to know the answer is very little. This isn’t the kind of gold that sells for very much.”

“What kind of gold doesn’t sell for very much?” you say incredulously, and now you are in the mood for fighting. “What sort of world are you living in, where such an amount of something so precious is meaningless? For I would like to pay a visit, I think!”

“The kind of gold that isn’t gold at all,” he says, and then the cup is in your hands and it’s warm at the bottom, you realize, warm unlike the clammy coolness of his palms. “This isn’t some metal. It’s infinitely more precious, and yet common despite that — ubiquitous, even. Blood, you insolent thief, this is blood.”

“Phainon’s?” you say, for he is the first you can think of, and you are immediately disgusted by the idea that you hold his life-force in your hands. Anaxagoras’s face mirrors your disgust, though the subject of his ire is you, like you have said something so horrible he cannot stand it.

“My own,” he says, curt, precise, cutting. “Put it down.”

You do so at once. You have known, as all do, that there is a Chrysos Heir in the Grove, but when you were so busy with the activities of daily survival, you had never had much interest in learning more than that basic knowledge. When the Grove was so far removed from you, when you had never believed you would see its fabled halls, why would you care? But now you are regretting your ignorance, for you have committed a grave sin and will surely be punished for it.

“Are you going to send me away?” you say.

“Do you want me to?” he says. You don’t even consider it before you’re nodding your head, perhaps a little too eagerly. “Then go.”

“Thank you,” you say, eager to escape the crushing atmosphere of the room.

“Wait,” he says before you can vanish entirely. “Did Castorice and Phainon bring you what I told them to?”

“Yes,” you say. 

“If you ever need anything, go to them,” he says. “I’m sure you’ll find them far more approachable than I am.”

He’s right, of course, but you don’t have enough mettle to tell him that in as many words, so you only mumble that you will before maintaining your composure for just long enough that the door can shut between you. Then you are running and thinking to yourself that no knowledge or riches are worth this, that maybe you should just seek out Lady Aglaea and submit to her yourself so that you can end whatever torment you have found yourself in.

3. Results

“What are you helping Professor Anaxa study, anyways?” Castorice says to you, pausing in the middle of tracing words on a page for you to copy. “He just said that you’re a trusted expert helping him make a scientific breakthrough, and that was that. I tried asking Phainon, but he said he had no idea either, or at least none that he could understand.”

“Trusted expert?” you repeat. She blinks when you drop your pen, bending to pick it up and setting it in front of you as you snicker. “What sort of a joke is he playing? What, do you think I’m some renowned scholar, too? When I can’t even read or write!”

“That doesn’t mean you’re not smart,” she says quietly. 

“I appreciate that,” you say. “But I’m just a petty thief from Okhema who tried to rob the wrong man.”

“You tried to rob Professor Anaxa?” she says, eyebrows raising.

“Phainon,” you say, shaking your head and taking the pen, tracing the letters of the name she wrote for you, C-A-S-T-O-R-I-C-E. “Actually, I would have gotten away with it if, at that moment, he hadn’t dropped the juice he was drinking and therefore noticed me…”

“So he brought you here instead of taking you to Lady Aglaea. I understand now,” she says. “You’ve got a lot of courage for even trying that with a Chrysos Heir.”

Her nonjudgmental tone heartens you, and you double down on your writing with a small grin. You’ve never told anyone of your exploits, not even your mother, who would likely only grow more ill if she knew the truth; of course, they’re not something to be proud of, necessarily, but they’re all you have, and you’re suddenly filled with the need to brag to someone.

“I even stole from Prince Mydeimos once,” you say.

“You were successful!” she says with a gasp. You think back to the day, the disappointment on the younger man’s face, the dinner you bought with the coins he gave you, and then you nod. 

“Indeed,” you say.

“Most impressive,” she says. “So you are teaching the professor of larceny and whatnot?”

“It would be better if I was,” you say. “But no. He just says vague, cryptic things while I stand there and think it’d be better if I just asked Lady Aglaea to kill me instead.”

“I think most people get that sense from him,” she says. “Why do you stick around, then? You’re not like Phainon and I, who are trying to study and graduate. You’re not a student at all, so naturally, you can leave whenever you want.”

She is right. There is nothing tying you to the Grove, except that it is warmer here, the blanket thick, not threadbare, the room lit with cheery candlelight, your meals coming with a punctual regularity even if you do nothing but lie around all day, as you sometimes are prone to doing. And, too, there is that promise which Anaxagoras made to you — chrysopeia, the turning of mercury to gold. If such a miracle is possible, you want to see it. Even if you never learn how to accomplish it yourself, you think that just witnessing it might be enough to push you forward, to keep you from giving up entirely.

“Why did you tell me you would teach me about chrysopeia?” you ask Anaxagoras one day, while he is furiously scribbling equations with a piece of chalk that grates on your nerves with its every scrape against the black board. “In all the time I have been here, you haven’t even shown me anything about it. You tell me other things, about pricks of fire in the sky and the way the world will end, but that’s not what I was promised.”

“You’re still interested in that?” he says without turning around, though his handwriting grows exponentially messier, to the point that you cannot even hope to decipher it, if you ever could. “I thought you didn’t care for it any longer.”

“Why wouldn’t I?” you say.

“You can read now, and you’re even beginning to write a little,” he says. “You know truths about our place in the universe that most can’t handle even beginning to consider, and you have taken them into consideration with a gameness that only someone with a uniquely open mind could. After all of that, how can you go back to living as a thief? How can you go back to who you used to be?”

Now that you have met him, how can you leave? It’s not what he’s saying, but it’s what you understand, or at least what you want to. You shake your head, because this is not something you should want, and then you draw your arms around yourself in an embrace.

“My mother needs me. I have spent so long here without checking on her, and I cannot in good conscience continue to leave her alone. As soon as you teach me, I will go from this place,” you say.

“Tomorrow, then,” he says calmly, blithely. “Be here punctually. I don’t have a moment to waste.”

“Right,” you say. “Yes, I’ll be here.”

Yet the next day, he says he does not have time, and the day after, he spends so long explaining the history of alchemy that he must sprint to his next lecture in order to avoid missing it — not that he does, of course, preferring to show up late than in a hurry — so on and so forth until you are sure he is doing it on purpose. 

“I’m serious,” you snap when you walk in on the day that you find yourself fed up with his dallying. “Whether you show me or not, I’m leaving after — hello?”

The laboratory is empty, eerie and haunting without Anaxagoras’s biting words slicing through the silence. You furrow your brow, and for a moment you are irritated to the point of leaving for Okhema then and there. Who is he, to make these arbitrary decisions about your own life? Phainon has long ago forgiven you, if he ever even held a grudge in the first place, and Castorice has never had any ill-will to you to begin with. It is only he who is stubbornly keeping you here, Anaxagoras, who keeps promising you something that he is determined to never follow through on, dangling it before you to tease you in the way one might tease a young Dromas with an overripe peach. 

Something stops you before you can, though, and then you’re tiptoeing further into the room with a thief’s well-trained footsteps, soundless like a whisper carried away by the wind, searching for the source of that urge, that odd sensation that you have never felt before.

You come across a small notebook, and before you can stop yourself, you tuck it into your pocket, close to your hipbone for safekeeping. It is not enough to calm the drumming of your heartbeat, but you feel as though it is important, so you keep it as you continue in your search.

Then you are gasping, for you see him on the other side of the desk, collapsed and pale, gold dripping onto the marble floor from a wound in his forearm. It’s mesmerizing, how the rivulets gleam in the dim light, how they still darken his sleeve the same as any normal person’s blood might. There is a deathly pallor cast over his slumbering form, his hair sticking to his brow, and it’s an opportune moment for you to take everything from him, to take the heavy ruby from his ear and the metal embossed onto his eyepatch and flee. They’ll never catch you, they’ll never even think to, but when your fingers reach for him, it is not to abscond with his adornments but to shake him by the shoulders and whisper wake up, wake up, over and over until he does.

“Are you alright?” you say when he clutches his head, sitting up with a groan.

“I’m fine,” he says. “What a waste. So much blood, and I didn’t even get to collect any of it.”

“This is how you gather your materials to experiment on,” you say rhetorically. “Doesn’t it hurt?”

“I’m fine,” he repeats. “I told you back then, didn’t I? You have to destroy yourself if you want to succeed. To obtain knowledge, you must first become a shell of your former self. Only when you have sacrificed enough will the truth reveal itself.”

“You’re telling me to sacrifice more, aren’t you?” you say, because you’ve learnt about more than just the universe in the time you’ve been here. “I have to be like you if I want what I truly desire. But what else can I give up?”

You help him stand and give him water; he sips on it pensively before telling you once again that he’s alright and you can leave for the day, if you’re so inclined. You’re about to hesitate, but then you remember it’s not your place, so you raise your hand in farewell and promise him you’ll come back the next day, your irritation forgotten in favor of something that you have only ever felt for another once in your life — your mother, who you worried over incessantly all through your youth and well into your adulthood. But this is different, because he is not your mother, he is no one in particular, and so you have no reason to worry for him at all.

Yet you do, and of the many things you have gained from the Grove, this is the one you abhor most and welcome least, although cruelly enough, it is also the one that you are sure you will forget last.

4. Conclusion

The journal you took from the laboratory taunts you, but you know you do not yet have the skill to read it, and you are reluctant to ask Castorice for help. It feels like something you should keep to yourself, so day in and day out, you shirk your duties at the laboratory, instead practicing your reading diligently, so that you may one day understand the sloping, elegant words.

This is a double victory, because you are then also able to avoid Anaxagoras, who you cannot imagine facing after you have stolen from him in this way. It occurs to you, a few days later, that this is your second victory over the Chrysos Heirs, and for some reason, the thought that you, a mere petty thief, have managed to steal from those destined to be gods, sends you into peals of laughter. You cannot tell Castorice about this, you cannot tell anyone, so you keep it next to the journal under your pillow, petting the triumph alongside the letters of the title page with your index finger, trying to sound it all out and getting further with every subsequent attempt, until at last you are able to read the entire account in one go.

5. Afterword

CHRYSOEPIA (OR, THE TURNING OF MERCURY TO GOLD):

Phainon has brought me a thief from Okhema. I would call him a fool for it, but between the two of us, the greater fool is me, for I have come up with this way to keep her here, although she clearly has the barest amounts of interest in it. But I cannot help myself — she is inquisitive, albeit mistrustful, and I do not think I can leave her to die, as she inevitably will if left to her own devices.

I had Castorice and Phainon inquire into the thief’s background under the guise of a class assignment. She is a slippery and elusive thing, but the two of them have access to that accursed Aglaea Okheman resources that are not available to me. Phainon found her mother, and so I have tasked him with the upkeep of the ailing woman; he is stupidly eager to be of assistance, which I find somewhat infuriating, so I have told Castorice that she is to teach the thief how to read and write. In the meantime, I have continued my experiments, although mercury is proving to be difficult to work with, and I must take breaks frequently enough that it bothers me to no end.

The thief is interested in my blood. I suppose to the unknowing, it does look like something precious, and I commend her for never being afraid to ask her questions. She is right in one sense, as well — it is golden, and after all, the study of alchemy was once nothing but the study of the Chrysos Heir’s mysterious origin, that inexplicable shine in their veins, so perhaps there is some merit to the line of inquiry?

It is true! Aside from simple heat, if the mercury comes into contact with a sufficient amount of that, it will indeed transmute into gold. I have always known there was something missing from the simplistic equations and theories presented in textbooks on the matter, but to think that that final piece was in front of me the entire time, a separate branch of study that, were it not for her, I would never have attempted to connect with the first…

To all those who did not believe, this diary is the proof that chrysopeia is real. If you mix the blood of a Chrysos Heir with mercury over an open flame, it will first blacken, as the impurities of the mercury die, and then it will turn white. If you stop here, you will be left with a silver that never tarnishes, but if you wait, it will turn to a fiery red, and that is when you can be assured that you have made gold. If you doubt me, then you may try it yourself, though it will be difficult to find anyone willing to give up so much of their blood in the pursuit of proving a mere blasphemer wrong. 

In order to create the amount of gold necessary to become wealthy, one would need an entire body’s worth of blood. I have attempted to adjust the ratios, but it seems to be an exact and set proportion that resists change. This discovery is ultimately a useless one. I will have to keep trying, but I am not optimistic, and I have other things I must attend to, so I may soon abandon this study.

I can never give her what I promised her, but I hope that, whether she knows it yet or not, I have given her what she wanted all along. 

[yingdu-lover]

I never knew I would be so passionate to say shit about link click ☠️🤣 I mean, it's so angst, life philosophy, metaphor, symbolism shit that I almost forgot to sit and enjoy but NOW when the ' meticulous construction of plot, intertwined parallel narratives and themes and intense philosophical symbolisms' are away, I CAN FINALLY BASH IT BWAHHAAAHAHAHAHA to my heart's content.

so, @whispersoflullaby and I decided to watch THAT godforsaken special episode and we have been inventing creative slurs in our mother tongue since then

Cheng Xiaoshi dives into the body of someone called Sanren laoshi who(via qiao ling) hands them a very...questionable photo.

I SWEAR TO GOD I AM NOT HOMOPHOBIC (maa kaalir dibbi) but that masked person/the very obvious sexual partner of the host is a...MAN?!

they do not seem to be an AFAB person. and also, for some reason that person's voice felt like lu guang's?????????? (I played it repeatedly but that 'look, look, look!' felt very much in lu guang's voice!)

idk is there any sober explanation to this or what the fuck 😭😭😭😭😭

the case is (head to toe) weird. it felt very weird and doesn't feel to have any significant connection to the main story. how is this canon?! I mean whatever special episode...Lan studio produced it, right? it has proper OP and ED... that made it look extra funny 🤣

I didn't question my life choices watching this episode! Not for one sec I felt the urge to cry, stupid things were happening in the most stupid and corny anime way possible. They failed their mission (100% cheng xiaoshi's fault) and the lines are so fucking hilarious

"during summer vacation people either

1. sleep to their heart's content

or

2. focus on their hobbies

or

3. post shoddy videos (a man taking pictures of a girl in blue underwear standing in a pool)

what should I do during summer?"

the host's request was to rectify the fuck up and say

"I really like games more than the sea!"

😭🤣🤣 so stupid everything was. And also the underwear thing...HUGE focus on hosts'....

'flexible' and 'cute'?

and ofc

" look, look, look, look, look! you have been staring at me for a while, what? falling in love?" ☠️ broski...sex is over now fuck off and pls kindly wear your trousers or somebody weird will pounce on you like this.

Cheng Xiaoshi's inner eiden was threatening to dominate when he said "oh? Sanren laoshi is not single then?" the zesty voice 🤣☠️ PLZZZ

☠️ why the episode was so weird, horny and hilarious lmao. don't mind grammer I just can't comprehend what I watched. hianime comment section 😭 some are saying wtf but others going like

"samajh nahi aya par link click hain to pura dekha aur accha laga" ☠️

"not quite sure what I watched but this show is peak and I watched it whole-"

noooo you should join us ☠️, link click has made me cry like a pathetic fox howling and all, now it's a slacking episode, I'm gonna call it names ☠️😭🤣 it feels SOOO good to not to intellectualise link click and cry with every fibre of your being

but a few serious things........

1. they wear those summer clothes...the happy visions/memories shown in 'The Eye' are the same

2. Lu Guang really feels...NON TRAUMATIZED? at least I got this feeling. he is just a chill guy, and extra silly, more expressive (I FELT THAT) can it be that it was...in the og timeline? IT FEELS LIKE ONE

this is the actual 'dumb time traveller photo faggots doing silly things together ' in a real sense (the misconception most of us had before we started watching link click???) it's silly through and through trust me

before watching this my brain was so hacked by profound depression (caused by nothing other than link click, surprise!) but I feel 🤣🤣🤣 so good now. had a good night's sleep. I passed out writing the half of the post and now I am writing at 4:30 am ☠️

anyways, I have never seen anyone discussing this episode before so I did it 😭 I am in love with the silly things actually! man I love this head emptu no thot vibe, and those questionable frames ☠️ and that masked man! hsjsjkkakekrisjznfkk why was all of these needed at all! but I loved that 🤣

[kakerutori]

Season 3 rewatch notes

Wait a minute, I just realized that Mike and Will are the only ones in The Party who’ve canonically been dungeon masters. Idk what that means for them, but, yeah. Another exclusive detail of theirs

Oh, lord. Mike’s arm being torn off in the D&D game better not be a prophecy. If those s5 notes are accurate about Mike being seriously injured… I’m scared.

GOD I’ve never noticed how hard Will breathes in the rain scene. Poor baby he was so stunned 😭😭😭😭

The thing that I love most about Jonathan and Nancy is that they’ve been through the real shit. Arguments and hardship through the supernatural and the struggles of discrimination and privilege.

I love how Max is usually the one who speaks after Will. It’s like she’s the only one brave enough to answer after he says something profound or important. I need more of Max and Will’s friendship and them having well-thought out arguments I swear

Omg I love Erica’s little green star on her cheek. It’s so cute 😭🩷

After watching The Princess Bride, I am fangirling so much over Cary Elwes - it’s so crazy to me that he got him to play such a character! I wonder if they thought of him because of all the physical stunts lmao

As much as Karen isn’t in the know of much of anything in the supernatural story, I love how she’s a picture of raw strength in the Wheeler family, the true head of the household. She takes charge. Stops at nothing to help. Not even in the face of temptation. Go Karen.

DAMN I forgot that Billy dropped an f bomb! I thought that the closest that the show got was when Max got cut off in the hospital, but nope. There it was

Shit, I’m tearing up at that scene when El collapses into Mike’s arms because I know that that was real exhaustion. Poor Millie 🩷🩷🩷. She did such a phenomenal job there.

I LOVE whenever Joyce is angry this season. Now that’s how you demand. Straight to the point, justified in her worry, and cutting past any unnecessary bs while still including the cherry on top “please” or “good day” of politeness out of basic decency. I want to be her when I’m upset.

I’m always so blown away by Maya’s performance when she comes out to Steve. Straight (haha) through the heart, so good. And I always, always smile at Steve’s reaction. So in character, so accepting. No questioning if she’s being honest, just immediately questioning her type and believing that she’s into girls. So, so important.

Oh, no. Holly saw the trees moving in the woods. Thus far, she’s noticed the demogorgon coming out of the wall, and now this. She’s definitely a target next season.

When El tells Billy the memory of his mom, I teared up a little! Something about the way that El says, “you were happy” breaks me, dude. Millie and Dacre did so well.

Also, thinking in foresight of s4, Max’s letter is so heartbreaking. The Mind Flayer made a huge show of killing Billy slowly and painfully. I don’t blame her for being too horrified to move. It really wasn’t her fault. That was traumatic. Sadie did amazing there, too. Ouch.

I’m never getting over the helicopter lights being blue, yellow, and red. Were starboard and port always blue and red? And isn’t starboard supposed to be green? It’s all intentional, I’m telling you

I love how Max and Lucas are supposed to be “butchering” Never Ending Story but those two theater kids actually sound amazing. I just wish they harmonized 😆

Oh my gosh Jonathan did the Byers hold to Nancy 😭😭😭😭 I am not okay 😭😭 I never noticed that

Okay wait. This is kinda horrible. I feel bad for saying this. But y’know how Mike has a Will voice? Well I just noticed that Mike definitely does not have a soft voice for El. I swear, he’s always so loud around her like nothing’s different about her 😂😭 Any time he’s sweet with her he’s just like YEAH. COOL. and it’s kinda hilarious.

Jancy is WRECKING me this season wtf. Charlie and Natalia are so cute 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Oh my gosh David’s voice kinda breaks at “doze off.” Fuck.

Erica has blue, yellow, and pink balloons plus a rainbow drawing on her door. I now headcanon Erica as pansexual/panromantic, thank you.

AHHHGHH I can’t wait for the original version of Heroes to play next season over Byler kissing when everyone thinks that they might be dead but they’re just surviving in the Upside Down, clinging to each other and having the highest moment of their lives!!!!!!!

This has been my s3 thoughts for the 6-8th time watching? I forget? And I missed a number of moments because I got too absorbed so, oops. Anyway, I love Jancy, I love Jopper, I love the Scoops Troop, I love Suzie, I miss Alexi, Byler is endgame, and this season was way more fun than I remembered and it always makes me laugh. My list of favorite seasons has been shaken expertly.

[silviakundera]

Snowfall watch comments ep 9-10

Ep 9

Screenwriter knows what the people want, now we're making Vamp Daddy her teacher so we can get hot for mentor vibes too (rubs hands together) yeeeesssssssssssss

Every time nepo baby girl appears, it makes me temporarily root for Loser Li to escape loserdom. god lady..; it is just possible that he could be talking to a female for work or crime reasons JUST MAYBE. (not that it's her damn business if he was on a date. but still. ugh.)

The way he still feels beholden to defend her honor smh. Escape the Jin family clutches, bro. They don't own you.

The Mu family are all dying at 30 and somehow Vamp Daddy is gonna help them pass on their legacy, but tbh I don't follow how.

So Vamp Daddy breaks into Mu Lihua's place to night prowl around, touches her magic artifact thingabob, and it burns him or something idk

Vamp Daddy: "She could hurt me even though she didn't appear before me. If what Mr Mo said was true, I'm sure she didn't come in peace."

...I mean, I also do not think she came in peace, but you did in fact break in and touch her shit without permission. That is an actual thing that just happened.

Fake public breakup trope ✔

lmao the Mu family stole the Profound Yang stone?

WTF does Doctor Bestie actually want with nepo baby ? I feel like there has to be a reason he keeps coming back there.

LOL normally I can't stand her but I gotta admit it was amusing when she tried to explain the idea of caring about people to our mildly evil doctor and he's just like ⁉🤔⁉ 1 ➕ 5 ➖ 2 ➗ 4 = 🎂

Loser Li vs Mi Lan: on one hand, he's no longer underestimating her and doesn't even have a sister complex about her anymore. On the other hand, totally unhinged dude who is fueled by insecurity, self-hatred, and resentment. Which he is making everyone else's problem.

Becoming a vampire and eating that obnoxious nepo baby and her Jin family could fix him.

Or make him worse. ?

Army of guys in Vamp Daddy's mansion to welcome him home. Plus his gf in a cage. Not nice!

Loser Li furthering the gay agenda, "I'm more than just obsessed with you. I've literally devoted myself to you."

Ep 10

Haifong Army HQ, BDSM gay capital of China atm

Flirting between bars, etc et al

I'll say this for the baddies, they all now consider Mi Lan smart and an actual threat.

Mu Lihua is smoking. Literally and figuratively.

Vamp Daddy just taking out a squadren with himself and a sword 👌👌👌👌👌

Yayyyyy murder \o/

Love the squishy sound effects of his rampage

lmaoooooooooooo the Mu magic yang ring has him spinning like a bad powerpoint animated transition

Hannibal Lector face mask is a go

"Since he can't be killed, I'm sure he can't feel pain" ...um... I am not sure that makes any kind of sense at all.

"He said he'll cooperate." Loser Li just visibly came in his pants 😂😭

[queenvhagar]

if they decide to make daeron a bastard imma scream... aside from the fact that it makes alicent even more of a hypocrite daeron being valyrian looking is actually pretty fucking important. in the books jace and daeron are only a few months apart in age and everyone was like "omg look at the queen giving birth to another targaryen looking baby while the princess had a baby that looks nothing like her or her husband!" also how the heck did daeron get a dragon if he's a bastard!?

first they give us no nettles now possibly this shit... I'm so over them adapting grrm's work into a version of whatever they think is cool.

also who the heck was princess aeriana. ik some folk are saying that it's possibly a made up character before aegon's conquest ... but the targaryen's weren't royalty at that point so wtf are the show makers high on, and i'm still mad at the stupid northern plot where they have jace talking about how aegon the conqueror went up north, plus cregan talking about how alyssane and jaehaerys visited winterfell during his dad's time which again makes zero fucking sense ... it was during alaric stark's time and he's probably cregan's grandpa or smth.

don't get me started on how they switched up addam and alyn's ages, plus didn't give us anything on marilda of hull ... oh and rhaenys apparently is totally cool with corlys having bastards and even thinks the boys mom must have been so pretty ...

this season is so boring and overall without context. daemon spends his time being high on harrenhal. alicent is going through major depressio arc. helaena is her usual mumbling self without any agency of her own. aemond is terrible. rhaenyra is ... idk what they're doing with her but i don't like it. aegon ii seems to be the only remotely interesting character but now he's gone.

so glad there's only one episode left of this disaster to get through ... can't believe they made us wait so long for this shit ... personally won't be waiting for season 3 because at this point it's probably going to be just as boring.

so disappointed we never got to see... jace negotiation with manderly's, sara snow, nettles, rhaenyra going mad with grief over luke, b&c going according to the books with helaena offering herself instead of her children, daeron in oldtown, book! accurate alyn and addam and daemon doing something instead of imagining how it'd be to fuck his mom...

sorry for the rant lol everything's just piled up for me since i waited until now to watch the shows and avoided spoilers to the best of my abilities. please do feel free to delete if you wish.

When people tell people that Game of Thrones was slow paced and technically very little happened and this season is just like that and to cope... nope.

As you mentioned in the second to last paragraph there were so many interesting things they could've done with this season to fill the time and expand on the story and characters... Instead there are 3 locations where morning scenes happen that don't grow the characters at all, nobody has any realistic motivations or emotions and reactions to events (and if they do they're framed as incorrect, like Jace or Aegon). It's oversimplified and redundant. No thoughts to be provoked. No depth to explore. No arcs for characters except maybe Daemon but it's been stretched way too far out and made irrelevant. No intrigue or politics. No scheming. Characters seem displaced from the setting...

I hope season 3 is the last season, and I won't be tuning into any other ASOIAF adaptations based on the crap fanfic quality of this one that they're trying to present as profound, deep, groundbreaking television.

[sanderssidesthehouse]

Remus is my favorite side and I am collecting people's opinions about him. For the bingo?

-Birch

Hiya, Birch! Consider my opinion collected!

Circle size represents how much I resonate with or feel confidently about an answer.

Going to address the not liking him as a person (vs adoring him as a character) before I go any further. Just like, if I knew a person who acted like him irl (which would probably be a neglected 13 y/o) I wouldn't really like them. Wouldn't necessarily hold it against them, but understanding someone and/or wanting to help someone is not the same as liking them. Sides aren't exactly comparable to people, though.

I think about Remus so frequently. My absolute favorite we've seen of him was WTIT. It definitely gave us more to work with, particularly with how much he hates being ignored. Bc like, yeah he's a side and he needs to be able to do his function, but his function and subsequently himself have been repressed which has warped everything and tbh I'd act like that too.

I NEED him and Roman to work together bc wtf. I need them both to be mad bc like we're going to have to address at some point why there are two sides that manage Creativity? Um? But skipping past that bc we are where we are, they should be able to work together. Also going to link a post I made about creativitwins bc it's too long to quote here which has more of my thoughts about Remus's job as part of Creativity.

Remus is literally an alarm. He shows up when things are bad... And makes them worse, but!!!!! He's a clue to get to the root problem. Also, as someone who suffers from disturbing and upsetting intrusive thoughts, I'd love to see dealing with Remus through creation, bc honestly him having a hold of Creativity is perfect. One way to get through intrusive thoughts is the mindful meditation technique, another is by ejecting them via art/writing. I think that would be fun.

Some people think Remus is annoying. And? As is his right? No, but seriously, he's been neglected up until we see him appear, suppressed except for where his influence slips out, honestly, he could be MORE annoying if he wanted. Get their asses.

One characterization I see people give him is that he doesn't care, but if nothing else, there is one thing he absolutely has to care about: c!Thomas. I mentioned this in my unreliable narrator post in relation to Janus, but it stands for all of them: “Sides of Thomas will always seek to perform their duties to help Thomas.” I don't believe the sides can purposely seek to hurt c!Thomas. They're not people, they're part of a person.

Speaking of that post, I'm just going to copy paste my Remus paragraph bc I can:

And last we have Remus. This guy. Beautiful boy. All about being brutally honest except he’s just not lying. Except for when he is. I swear he just says stuff recreationally and like, me too, but at least I admit it. He’s got that Brennan Lee Mulligan 'I will die on any hill’ vibe methinks. The problem is that he says the actual profound truths in the same tone he does the shitposts so no one takes it seriously. And I swear to you this is on purpose, I can’t prove it, but tell me honestly you don’t think that’s something he’d do. Rat bastard.

Idk if I've said everything I wanted to. I've probably said enough for this post, though. As always, feel free to tag on or ask questions or whatever else!

[diaperedfairyboi]

Tl;dr uhh, depression? Eh I'm just venting, honestly don't bother reading lol. Idk why I post this shit either

I'm frustrated with my presence here. Every else seems happy and normal. I'm so jealous of happy people. Idk what I'm even doing. People scare me. Idk how to interact like a normal person. I just want to be alone, but then I'm lonely. I don't want to be alone. There's no place for me. I'm a broken record. I know other people get tired of it, I've been told so. I try not to wear people out with it. At least I can limit the stream, like fucking Cyclops with his ruby shades. Fuck man, I can even hurt people with it if I'm careless. I've had this one thing I said a year ago on my mind, it hurt someone close to me and I can't ever believe I can be so cruel or heartless or selfish. Or just apathetic. The apathy is like a cancer on my soul.

I pray to God to let me be only sweet and gentle and loving, like an angel. Or a fairy. Like I had to be when I took care of mom. It's been six years since she died and I'm realizing my grief is as profound as ever. It would make sense that someone so sensitive and melancholy would develop pathological grief. I went to her grave today and cried.

It's fine. Im fine. I had a good day. I went to my dad's for his annual fish fry. I love everyone I talked with today. My sibling and housemates came too. But my mom should've been there too. At least I like my step mom. Could be worse.

Anyway. To bring it full circle, this is the kind of stuff I post here, right? Like wtf, get it together already. Just why. I can't promise anything. Unfollow me if you wish, I'm too worn out and depressed to post anything especially hot. Probably just more long insane text posts about my chronic depression/anxiety.

And other people just post their normal lives and so on, and I'm just crazy. I just wish I could be happy, and not afraid of everything, and not intimidated by all the happy people with happy lives.

Hey at least I don't beg for money. I buy my own diapers.

Alright I gotta go be crazy in my sleep. Well I hope I sleep anyway. That'd be nice.

[earlgreytea68]

Hi! I’m a big fan of your writing, basically everything you put out there, fanfics, tumblr posts long and short, everything. Any topic you choose to discuss you manage to present very well, and get me interested every single time. If it is about a tv program I’ve never watched, or a theme park I’ve never been in - it’s captivating, it’s clever, it’s just GOOD writing! Are you subscribed to any newsletters? It’s quite a popular thing now, and a lot of time a real journalists are writing them. But unfortunately, very often this pieces are written pretty badly, like for example, they over edit and break the fourth wall at the same time, try to seem so deep, and profound, but at the same sentence drop some edgy joke and address me directly, as if we’re chatting and are buddies or something… like.. idk. And I know we all are very grateful for the Kerrang p2 interview, but did you see that sentence “the bassist grins at one point”? It’s like the worst #badfanfic cliche you can ever imagine. And it’s a big well known magazine, wtf??? What’s next? “The long haired man”, the “older boy”?? I’m sorry for the rant, but sometimes it just seems, that the best written articles about this band and others too, I’ve read on this website. Do you remember all those great things people wrote in retrospect about the tour this past year? A lot of very talented people are here. I’m really glad I’m subscribed to some of them.

Okay, first of all, thank you so much for the lovely compliment and I appreciate it, thank you, I'm so glad you enjoy listening to me babble. :-)

Second of all, though, I totally agree with you that I routinely read on Tumblr excellently written pieces that I do not read in professional publications, and it is infuriating to me. For some reason, "professional writing" is just so often...not good. Is it the editing? Is it, like, some kind of marketing data saying this is the tone everything should have? IS IT AI???? Like, for real, what is it??? But it is so frustrating to me.

I don't subscribe to any newsletters, I confess, but I have been trying to read more books, and I know I've talked about this before, but I keep reading highly recommended books and I'm just like, ....these are all terrible????? I read better fanfiction on literally a daily basis????? What is happening????? I just finished a queer romance and if anything should have been like a fic to read, you would have thought it would be that, but I was so distracted by how inconsistent the characters and even the story was, like, I was just like, This was professionally written and edited and this is what we ended up with?????

Anyway, I agree with you, everyone on here writes excellent Fall Out Boy analyses and reflections, thanks so much for them, I'm sure Pete Wentz also enjoys them.

[farty-city]

watching the new doctor who special bc this is, first and foremost, a dw fan account. blogging my thoughts

Episode 1

i’m a bit weary of reboots and stuff and i know this will be self indulgent but i have hope bc rtd but we’ll see

i forgot they made donna part of a swirl relationship

omg angst

did rtd manage to make dw child friendly and also profound

well i’m sure they also had to tone it down bc disney

ong they killed her

wtf r the next two episodes gonna be about

omg they made rose like… woah

omg

wow

what if i got emotional

the non binary thing with donna’s rose was like.. lazy tho

i liked the maternal metacrisis solution tho

and they’re going back and rewriting the doctors sexuality but i will excuse it because it’s rtd and an openly gay doctor would have been a hard sell in 08, i guess. also he had that thing with rose

i do partly feel that they were relying on the past grandeur and lore of the show which obviously worked on me but like i generally think it’s lazy

Episode 2

THIS EPISODE IS CRAZY

rtd did not dissapoint

i liked the beginning with newton

the Creaturss r so good

that scene of ten screaming and yelling and hitting the grate me lmao

this is crazy wow

they made them look so fucked up ddujfgjjjfg

what is the mavity

THE FUCKING BREAK INTO THE GALLOP cjfjdjdjd

oh no oh fuckkkkk

oh my god

rtd will threaten to kill the main characters and it will work every time

yeah this one is probably the best out of the three

idk maybe i’m biased bc i liked the plot but the character building and the writing from an objective standpoint with the theme of the mini series binaries and what we hide away and what happens when we are reflected back to ourselves, and how it is distorted- representative of how we see our own self. u know

but mavity tho … was it just for laugh or at i’m i missing something

Episode 3

o fuck i forgot nph was in this ..:/

his fake german lsnjds

doctor who has ai wtf what is that robot

oh this is interesting…

oh god it’s about privacy in the digital age and screens

there’s an evil puppet hiding in our screens

what an interesting social critique..

All World Leaders Are Being Affected By The Giggle

the toy maker concept is actually pretty interesting and definitely reminds me of like the literary jester i just feel like they were relying too much on the toy makers mystique to impress us

women and gender studies majors would have massive words to say about the doctor birthing scene

the catch scene is actually pretty cool

the puppet as a symbol for the biblical christ , the toymaker, the all knowing Creator

and i did like what rtd was trying to say as far as rage and believing you are right

omg ten hugging 15(?)

our blobo finally got the hug he needed

the master callback yes down to the nail polish

good 2 know a twink will still be speed walking around the tardis

so ten got his family and his happy ending…

now ether are two tardis’s. they’re fucking with canon, but its not new.

[dreadanddespairdyke]

i was confused about what poem that post was referring to but then i eventually saw it and just wtf...

https://www.tumblr.com/parallaxia2/763643638090792960?source=share

sorry for 2 week late response </3 but yeah idk i think like

some amount of it resonates but otherwise weirds me tf out . i dont have anything profound to say abt it

[mayurisleftnut]

Love how getting an IUD put in has fucked me up so thoroughly, I've barely been able to have sex with my partner in the 4 or 5 months since getting it put in. Let alone having an orgasm with them - IUD has made it so I'm almost always bleeding, therefor super uncomfortable with having their face anywhere near my bits. So yah I went from having sex once or twice a week and umm actually cumming once in a while? to once or twice a month, if that, and zero orgasms this entire time.

Also we had sex last night - it only lasted a few min thanks to our combined health issues and wasn't intense whatsoever - but today I'm in this profound amount of pain??? Like that pain u get when yr dicked down too deep and it bruises yr cervix???? Except no deep dicking even occurred, it was very much just Regular dicking, and it's fucking absurd that I should be in any pain at all from it, let alone this intense, borderline immobilizing pain that prompted me to swallow three ibuprofen just now and if that doesn't work, idk wtf I'm even supposed to do with my day

[bisluthq]

The eyes are really the main appeal of Matty that’s what draws them into deluluville. I mean Taylor references it a million times, as do his fans, like he has very somber eyes like a sad puppy, and at the same time he eyefucks so intensely all the time in all sorts of situations like with random girls, in interviews, on stage looking at his fans or in the camera saying “this is about you” or whatever, etc. There was a popular tweet that said something like “he has the kind of deep profound sadness in his eyes you only see in Eastern European gay porn” and idk wtf that means but I kinda see the vision. They also are obsessed with his hair and tattoos (recently the hair not so much) and he’s pretty jacked now but was still as thirsted after when he was super skinny so idk

I mean everyone's entitled to thirst for whoever so fair enough.

[ssliveitup]

Chapter 1 - death of the ego in the workplace.

Note, this one’s going to be a little different than the last one, ‘the diagnosis’. While this one won’t be focused on the cancer journey, it will start to unpack how cancer has played a significant role in my transformation journey of healing the wounds that I honestly didn’t know I had, how I’ve learned to feel fulfilled in the present, and how I continue to see hope for an even more enriching future. This one’s about my journey back to my heart, in learning what love truly is.

Let’s go way back - back to 2015 when I embarked on a journey in a new job, a fresh start, a new adventure. I remember the moment like it was yesterday. On my third day of training, this man walked in- an average looking man, some one that wasn’t my ‘typical type’, but some one I knew almost instantly, was familiar (wtf, it was so weird, bc I’d never met him or anyone like him before, so it’s BIZARRE that he seemed so familiar…). Months, years went by as our paths kept crossing at work- our conversations were easy, each others presence was safety, and it just felt …. Easy. Of course we had the expected disagreements about work (god he’d really piss me off sometimes), but we got through them all eventually and it became clear even though often, I couldn’t see the bigger picture he saw immediately, he was often right in the end. So I started to follow his lead at work, I started to admire him in his structured and steady approach, and learned to let go a little of the stubbornness and control & pride I was holding onto to convince myself I was special and uniquely smart (lol), in favor of something bigger than myself- that would contribute to the success of the brand and the company. Surely enough when I trusted him, we succeeded… together. I’ll say though, it’s something about him, that allowed me to let my guard down and LISTEN. Maybe his gentle demeanor (but still stubborn haha) or just his approach that I admired and wish I had - a logical, smart, steady approach. I can assure you that if he had outward arrogance, or a ‘showy’ personality, my ego would’ve likely moved in the reverse way, as a mode of protection.

Ok fast forward years. I became less monstrous, we became actual friends, and the true journey began. He had a family of his own and his time was limited. We’d talk on the phone sometimes, hang out once a quarter at work events, get drinks to catch up when we had the time. I knew he had obligations, I could never overstep the unspoken boundary, but deep inside I knew this person was special, and he was unlocking something profound within me. Everytime I’d leave him, i wouldn’t feel jealous or mad he’d be leaving to be with his family he loved so much. That was his life and his choice. Instead I’d always feel this overwhelming feeling of euphoria, happiness, full of love. Being with him, irrespective of not having ‘a typical romantic relationship’ with him, made my soul happy. These moments made it clear our souls were connected- whatever that meant, idk but it was the right words for what I felt. This continued for years until, I realized it was time to move on and grow. What was next?