#if there is no god then no god failed me or left me drowning in despair for a whole year | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

heartpascal · 1 year

Text

you’ll find the key

▹ — joel miller x platonic!f!reader

▹ — summary: part five of if the door wasn’t shut — after feeling hopeless, you decide it’s time to heal

▹ — a/n: guys, i apologise for the wait! usually it doesn’t take me so long to write but this was a bit of a struggle!! i hope it lives up to any expectations :( i love you guys sm <3 pls leave ur thoughts + feedback and if u would like to see anything else in this series !!!

▹ — warnings: bad mental health, arguments, like two much needed hugs, so many apologies (my brain is failing so please tell me if there’s anything i’m missing!!!)

▹ — general taglist: @auggiesolovey @just-kaylaa @evyiione @lemonlaides @fariylixie0915 @erensloveinterest @dazedshoon @faceache111 @randomhoex @canpillowscry @sleepygraves @pedropascalsrealgf @star-wars-lover @coolchick333 @soobsdior @ilybbg @rvjaa @oliest19xx @pedropepsi @sunflowersdrop @truthfuleeyours

masterlist

PART ONE | PART TWO | PART THREE | PART FOUR

check out howl’s song associations!

∘₊✧───── ───── ───── ─────✧₊∘

It was still storming outside.

Snow was coming down in heavy bouts, swirling all over the place with the force of the wind, and it was almost a goddamn blizzard. The ground was covered in it, and if it weren’t for the people already out in the streets, using shovels to dig away the snow in front of doorways, you were sure everyone would’ve gotten snowed in.

Not that you were going anywhere, anyway.

You hadn’t left Jesse’s side since you had gotten back to Jackson, after Tommy had a talk with you. They told you he was going to be absolutely fine, that all he needed was rest and to keep the wound clean. You still worried about him.

Part of you, despite knowing that what happened wasn’t your fault, still felt guilty. Out of the two of you, you were the more experienced one, and you should’ve known better, right? Should’ve caught wind that something wasn’t quite right sooner? You should’ve done something, protected him better, maybe?

You didn’t know exactly what you could’ve done differently, and you tried not to think of the possibilities, because the last thing you needed was to drown in guilt when you already felt bad enough.

Tommy’s chat with you hadn’t helped, either, and you know it was only because he cares, but it still hurt. The way he had looked at you, so angry, and scolded you for going back out there, for going after Joel when you and Jesse had barely made it out yourselves. He had called you irresponsible, which you would’ve argued against, if you hadn’t felt so guilty over the events of the day, if you hadn’t been worrying about Jesse.

You didn’t want to think about him being right, about how you could’ve gotten Jesse killed today, or yourself, god — Joel could’ve died, trying to save you. But was that really your fault? You wondered if everyone blamed you for Jesse getting hurt, as much as you blamed yourself.

“Are you really brooding, right now?” Jesse croaked, startling you from where you stood at the window beside his bed, staring out at the swirling snow. You turned to him, seeing his raised eyebrows, and felt almost thankful about the annoyance that arose when he looked smug, like he was right. “Unbelievable!”

“I’m not brooding, you asshole.” You murmured, unconvincingly. Jesse grinned, shaking his head at your denial.

“Oh, you so are.”

“I should’ve let them finish the job.” You responded flatly, breaking into a smile when Jesse laughed. The quiet lingered for a moment, both of your smiles slowly falling as the weight of everything that happened registered between you. “I’m sorry.”

Jesse’s eyebrows furrowed as he looked at you, his fingers picking at the edge of the blanket settled over him. “For what? Saving my life?”

“No, Jesse, I should’ve never put us in that situation. Especially after Pete left. I know better.” You replied, stepping towards the guy who had quickly become your best friend. You shook your head, eyes flickering around the room, until they settled on him. “Tommy took me off patrols, anyway, so.”

“What?” Jesse questioned, mouth hanging open. “Why?”

You stared at him, blinking in your confusion, and you tilted his head back to check his eyes were focused, that he wasn’t concussed, or something.

“Do you not remember what happened?”

“I remember just fine, thank you.” He responded, eyebrows creased as your hand left his forehead. Both of you wore incredibly confused expressions, neither knowing what the miscommunication between you could be. “Why would Tommy take you off patrols?”

“Jesse, you could’ve died.” You said, watching his face for the reaction, as if the information was new to him.

“Yeah, but that wasn’t your fault! You’re the one who saved me, who got me out. I don’t understand.” Jesse said, voice raising as he got slightly heated. He lowered his voice when he sat up, and pulled at his stitches, hissing in pain.

“No, I got us into it, and I was lucky to get us out.” You told him, as if it was a confession, and you frowned. You didn’t want to think about what could have happened to Joel, didn’t want to say that for once, the world had been on your side, letting you get him out, too. You didn’t voice it, but you don’t know what you would’ve done with yourself if he had died, trying to save you.

Jesse shifted, voicing your name, but you stopped him, smiling tightly in his direction. “It’s fine, Jesse. It’s for the better. Besides, means I’ve got more time to do my pottering.” You teased, though the words didn’t quite reach the way your teasing usually sounded. “Anyway, Dina showed up.”

“What? Why? Did she actually?” Jesse asked, his eyebrows raised as he looked to you with suspicion, like you were about to be making fun of him.

“‘Course she did. Whole town knows what happened, and she was worried about you.” You said with a grin that didn’t meet your eyes.

“The whole town?” He questioned, shutting his eyes and dropping his head back with a groan when you nodded your confirmation. “My family are so going to kill me, aren’t they?”

With a laugh, you reached forward to mess up his hair, “Oh, Jesse, you sweet thing. We’ve already devised a plan on how we’re going to do it.”

He slapped your hand away, glaring, but a smile pulled at his lips. He knew it wasn’t true, knew you were just entertaining his dramatics. What he didn’t know, was that his family had already been in, had already scolded you for getting their golden boy into trouble.

You moved back to the window, seeing a man across the road had given up on shovelling the heavy snow away from his door. Something heavy had settled on your chest, and you took a deep breath to try and get some oxygen past it. You didn’t blame Jesse’s family for what they had said to you — if you had been in their position, you probably would’ve been the same. They hadn’t quite approved of you, anyway, so you didn’t take it too personally. You were more than aware of everything you had done wrong.

Somebody cleared their throat in the doorway to the room, and you turned away from the window to see Joel stood there. He nodded his greeting to Jesse, a tight smile on his face.

“C’mon, kiddo, Tommy wants you to head back to the shop.” Joel said, repressing the sigh that wanted to leave his chest when you only nodded, stepping away from the window with a final glance outside.

“Well,” You said to Jesse, trying to muster up your best smile, “Duty calls, I guess. Feel better soon, okay?”

He called your name when you walked away, passing Joel as he stood beside the door, but you ignored it, feeling that weight grow heavier. Joel followed after you, a frown on his face.

You knew the route out already, and figured Joel was just the messenger, but he followed along, a few steps behind you as he limped on his injured leg. The wind was harsh when you opened the door, and you shivered when snow was immediately blown in your face. You lingered in the doorway, both hesitant to go out into the awful conditions, and feeling bad for leaving Joel hurrying on his bad leg.

Joel didn’t say it, but you knew he was here because Tommy didn’t want to see you. You couldn’t say you were surprised — not after just how angry Tommy had gotten. His face had been red, the steam pouring from his ears practically melting the snow around him, and it was the first time he had ever yelled at you.

“You doing okay?” Joel asked, hesitantly, as he paused in the doorway beside you, watching you as you wrapped your coat tighter around you. He knew that nothing was fixed, not even close, but there was something.

“I’m fine, Joel.” You replied, and he could hear the exhaustion in your voice, the way it pulled on your words. It was easier to hear than it was to see, but he just caught the slump to your shoulders, the way you held your eyes shut for a moment, before going to brave the snow.

He walked beside you as you headed towards the ceramics shop, your pace a touch slower than usual. You shoved your hands in your pockets, eyebrows creasing when you realised you must’ve taken your gloves off at some point. You tried not to sigh when you realised that they were probably lost, and just decided to chalk it up to another disappointment in an incredibly frustrating day.

When you arrived at the ceramics shop, it was a mission to get through all the snow that had started blocking the door. You would probably be snowed in, by nightfall. Joel helped you get rid of as much of it as possible, his gloved hands doing most of the work after your bare ones become too numb to continue.

You opened the door, feeling heavier than you had in months, and left the door open as you moved to the back of the shop, turning on the heater that sat there. You let your hands linger in front of it, just gritting your teeth at the sting that followed from warming them too quickly.

Joel lingered in the doorway, frowning at you, and furrowed his eyebrows as he called your name, watching your turn to face him. “I’m sorry.”

You gaped at him, stunned.

“You should have gotten a choice. It wasn’t my place to decide that for you, or to leave without havin’ a conversation.” He continued on, his words jumbling the slightest bit. “I still think you stayin’ was the best thing for you, the safest thing, but for whatever it might be worth, I am sorry.”

When your silence lingered, Joel nodded tersely, and stepped away, smiling tightly as he left the shop, shutting the door behind him. You blinked at the closed door, unsure what to do, unsure if you should have said something. But even if you should’ve, what would you have said?

It wasn’t okay, not in the slightest, and everything around you seemed to be crumbling. Tommy wasn’t speaking to you and Maria would be more than upset with you, too. Jesse was in the infirmary, and that was on you. And even as you looked around the ceramics shop, all you saw was cracked paint on the walls, and dust that settled no matter how many times you wiped it away.

Hell, even the misshapen plates and bowls on the shelves just made your chest hurt. You didn’t feel any sort of pride for this place, anymore, and it was painful. It stung at the deepest parts of you, and you just settled down on the dirty floor in front of the heater, holding your head in your hands as you blinked back tears.

Why did you think you could do this?

∘₊✧───── ───── ───── ─────✧₊∘

Initially, you didn’t intend on avoiding Jesse.

In fact, you had plans to go and visit him the day after everything went to shit. It was just that when you opened the shop door, the outside looked far too unfriendly, and you knew his family would be in his infirmary room.

Perhaps it was a cowardly move, staying at the shop, locking the door and pretending the outside world of Jackson didn’t exist. Really, you were going to go and see him the next day. Swore to yourself that you would. But when the next day came, you didn’t even attempt to unlock the door to leave, figuring that it would be best to just leave him and his family to it. Dina was probably with him, too, so your absence wouldn’t be felt all too much.

Each day you said you would go, started with you justifying your staying in the shop. It went the same way, waking up and thinking you should go and see him, but the moment you got into the front of the shop, you thought better of it.

You blamed it on everything but what it actually was. Whether that be the snow, the heater in the shop that broke, the concept of him having quality time with his family… you used it all to reassure yourself that he didn’t need you by his side.

Besides, you knew he wouldn’t be in the infirmary for long. And by the fifth day, there was a knock against the shop door, barely heard over the howling wind outside. You remained in the back room, telling yourself it was probably nothing important, and after the heater broke, you couldn’t afford to open the door, anyway.

Even with the door closed, your breath misted in front of your face, and you had to rub your hands together more than once to generate heat, especially considering you seemed to have misplaced your gloves.

On day six, you kept all the lights off, and didn’t bother to poke your head around the doorframe to see who was knocking at the front door. After a few moments of loud knocking, his voice called out your name, and you were sure he was likely squinting through the shop window, trying to catch sight of you.

You barely even noticed the way you held your breath so it wouldn’t cloud the air, and alert him to your presence. You pretended the harsh exhale after he left was just a sigh of exhaustion. In some ways, you guessed it was.

By day seven, he knew what you were doing.

“Open the door,” Jesse yelled, still knocking wildly against the wood, and you were sure he was peeking in the window, too. “I’ve been to Tommy’s, the dinner hall, the greenhouses, the stables, hell — I even went to Joel’s. I know you’re here, stop hiding.”

You stayed in the back room.

After a while — much longer than you expected, especially given the still-awful weather — Jesse gave up, leaving the door at last. You frowned at the empty can of food in front of you, chest aching from the cold and everything that had happened over the past few days.

You hadn’t left the shop in the past seven days, surviving off of the short supply of long-life food in the cupboards. But that was your last can of it. As much as you knew you would have to leave, have to go get some more food in order to survive, you still didn’t want to. You didn’t want to see anyone, didn’t want them to see the shame that was so visible in the curve of your frown, the dip of your brows.

It made it easier to hide, knowing Jesse was the only person looking for you. There had been no sign of Tommy or Maria, which pained you, but didn’t surprise you. Part of you wondered if they’d ever speak to you again, but you didn’t want to linger on the question, too afraid of the answer.

It was day eight that you had no other choice — the temperatures were dropping even further, and with no heater it was becoming too cold for you to take. The need for heat and food led you to the dinner hall, which was surprisingly empty, and you settled at your usual table with a plate of cooked food, feeling the chill that had begun to settle in your bones fade.

Most people would be staying inside their homes, the cold too much to bear, so you were surprised when Ellie waltzed into the hall, eyes scanning the room as she made her way over to grab herself some food. You dipped your head when she began looking in your direction, and clutched at the fork in your hand, holding your breath.

“So you are alive.” Ellie drawled, settling down in the seat opposite you with her plate in front of her. “You know your friend has been coming ‘round for the past few days, won’t leave us alone.”

You shrugged, not knowing how to respond.

She sighed, poking at the food on her plate. “Thanks for going back for Joel, by the way.” She pretended not to see the way your head snapped up, eyebrows furrowed as you looked at her.

“I wouldn’t leave him to die out there,” You said, after a moment, the words hesitant as they left you. “Especially when he went to try and help me.”

Ellie nodded, shoving food into her mouth, and you quickly followed her action. The silence between the two of you stretched uncomfortably, and you hated how everything had changed. Why couldn’t they have just let you come with them? Why did they have to push you so far away?

“He’s a good guy,” Ellie said, a frown on her face. “He makes stupid decisions, but only because he cares about us.”

You looked at her, wondering when the two of you had grown up. You remember the jokes you had shared during your travels, the way she had been able to make you smile even when doing so seemed impossible. She had made life in the apocalypse almost bearable, and now here you were, sat at the same table, but miles apart.

“Maybe, but you were right about one thing. I don’t know what happened, so if you ever want to talk about it, I’ll listen.” You told her, instead of acknowledging her words about Joel. You didn’t want to think about him. You didn’t want to think about any of it.

It would be painful, you were sure, to hear about everything they had experienced. You could guess that a lot of it wouldn’t be pleasant, and it would likely hurt to hear about all the things you had missed out on, all the things that maybe you could’ve protected them from. But you were willing. It wasn’t forgiveness, it wasn’t a ticket back to being in each other’s lives, but it was progress.

And progress was all that you could offer, so it would have to do.

“I’ll, uh, keep that in mind.” Ellie said, a tight smile on her face as she looked at you, her eyebrows slightly raised in surprise at your words.

You nodded, and the two of you ate in silence.

∘₊✧───── ───── ───── ─────✧₊∘

After stocking up on some more long-lasting cans of food, you were prepared to hunker down in the shop for a while longer. You hadn’t been able to trade for another blanket like you had hoped, but you weren’t all too surprised. With the stormy weather, everybody wanted more warming supplies.

You had survived worse conditions, though, in worse places. One harsh winter in Jackson wouldn’t kill you, even if your heater was broken, and you still hadn’t found your gloves.

The shop door was locked once again, and you had taped the bottom of it to try and stop the cold draft from seeping into the room. You considered bunkering down in the back room, taping the door shut and staying in there with all the blankets and layers you had, but you thought better of it. You wanted to be able to hear the front door with ease, still on edge after the ambush with Jesse, especially considering the raiding attacks that had slowly begun to ease off.

Despite whatever had gone wrong, however angry Tommy may be, you knew he’d rely on you if the time came. You were sure of it. Everything the two of you had built couldn’t have been toppled by this one event, right?

Your gun was still laid by the shop door, and your ammo never left the jacket you always wore. Just in case. If anything were to go wrong, you wanted to be ready.

The call of your name shook you from your racing thoughts, the contemplation of everything that could happen pausing as your head snapped up. Maria’s voice was loud, and she hadn’t knocked. You didn’t have a surname — didn’t know whoever came before you long enough for them to tell you, didn’t know everyone who came after long enough for them to share their own. So she settled on your first name, yelling it loudly.

“Open the door!” Maria demanded once again, kicking the bottom of it with her foot. “Come on, open it. You’re not fooling anybody, and it’s freezing out here, little Troy can’t stay out here too long.”

With a sigh, you stood. She knew how to get to you — bringing baby Miller was a harsh plan, especially because it gave you no choice but to let her in. Not that it was much warmer in the shop than it was outside, but she didn’t know that.

You unlocked the door, pulling it open just to fit yourself into the crack of it. Facing Maria was terrifying, because you didn’t know what to expect. Even as she held on to baby Troy Miller, who was bundled up in more layers than you could count, she was totally unpredictable. She could be in a motherly mood, or that merciless Jackson council member.

“Hi,” You said, nervously. “What’re you doing here?”

She raised her eyebrows, stepping forward until you’d opened the door for her to step inside of the shop. Maria’s stern expression immediately fell, and you could feel nerves building in your stomach.

“Is your heating out?” She asked, turning on you suddenly, harshly. When you nodded meekly, she handed Troy over to you, not faltering even when you opened your mouth to voice your confusion.

He babbled at you, a toothy grin on his face, and you held on to him tighter. It hit you then, how much you actually cared about these people. Your brain short-circuited when you thought about something bad happening to this family, and it made you feel sick. Suddenly, you were regretting the meal you had eaten with Ellie.

“Well, I think Jeremy should be able to fix it up.” Maria sighed, standing from where she had crouched down to inspect your broken heater. “But he’s way busy with other heater issues. Come on, you’ll stay with us.”

“Maria.” You urged, repeating her name another time when she didn’t answer you, too busy thinking about options and solutions, as always. “I’m fine. Go home.”

She sighed heavily, turning to you with that stern look she’d been wearing since the moment you were left behind in Jackson. “I know you and Tommy are going through a rough time, but he loves you, and if he knew you’d been living here with no heat?” Maria shook her head with scoffed laughter, not reaching for Troy even as you offered to hand him back, instead moving to pack some of your clothes into a bag. “Come on, let’s go home.”

“It’s not my home, Maria,” You said softly, perhaps the softest she had ever heard you.

It was disquieting, at the least, for you to behave in such a way. Throughout the whole time Maria had known you, you had been sharp edges and bitten words, even when you had grown to care for them, that hadn’t changed all that much. It was a constant, your stubborn attitude and harsh nature, always slamming doors shut too hard, always charring food when you were unsupervised, because you’d turn the heat up too high. You were impatient, practical, realistic. You weren’t soft.

Maria’s face curved into a frown, and she stopped her presumptive actions in packing up some of your things. She looked at you, looked at the lines that were beginning to dig into your expression, looked at the way your shoulders slumped as you held on to her son.

“Maybe not,” Maria offered, and looked around at the shop that was not as pristine as the last time she had seen it, before looking back to you. “It could be, though.”

You shook your head, sighing but not finding any relief from the action, only feeling the same tightness to your chest. “I’m not a Miller.” You said, and it was true, because the space behind your name remained as empty as ever, that absence something you had felt your whole life.

“You’re as much a Miller as I am, as he is.” Maria reasoned, gesturing towards her son in your arms as she looked at you. She didn’t want to say too much, didn’t want to overwhelm you, but you had practically been adopted by the two Miller brothers. Two men who were so far from perfect, who made so many mistakes that they almost lost you, who cared too much. Hell, even if you weren’t consciously aware of it, you had adopted their mannerisms and tendencies.

It showed in the way you held Troy, the same stance that Tommy used. It showed in the frown on your lips, that looked far too much like Joel’s to be a coincidence. The furrow between your brows reflected Joel and Tommy’s own, a crevice built from worrying and frustration and anger. You reminded Maria too much of how Tommy had been when they first found him — eyes glassy, lost, and without purpose.

She had seen the change in you since you had been left in Jackson, so many ups and downs, but you had been doing better. And now, here you were, looking more lost than you ever had.

“That’s not true, Maria.” You replied, tense. It wasn’t true — Troy was a Miller by blood, and Maria was a Miller by marriage. Both choices that Tommy had made. It wasn’t the same for you, it couldn’t be. Tommy had never chosen you — Joel had dropped you in his lap before running away, and didn’t that make you the furthest thing from a Miller?

“It is true.” Maria refuted, stepping forward to hold a hand firmly against your face. “You’re a Miller, no doubt about it. Now come on, we’d better get going. Got a lot to talk about.”

She was finishing shoving your things inside of the backpack at her feet in a few moments, and was swinging it over her shoulder before you could protest, making her way out of the door. Holding her son, what choice did you have but to follow?

The two of you were silent on your journey to Rancher Street, and you felt the nerves bubbling up from your stomach, leaving an unpleasant tingling in the back of your throat. It was tense, though that could have been all from you. You were still holding Troy, having him half buried in your jacket to make sure he wouldn’t be cold, despite the fact your jacket wasn’t the warmest.

When you arrived to her house, Tommy wasn’t there. She didn’t say anything, so you didn’t mention it, much preferring to ignore the issues that would likely arrive whenever he returned. Instead, you settled Troy down, removing some of his layers at the rush of warm air that came the moment you stepped through the door.

Your hands were tingling, in a strange state between feeling and numb after the sudden temperature change. You settled them under your legs when you sat down on the couch, Troy at your side as Maria clambered about the kitchen, having already dropped your bag down beside the sofa.

When she came back, it was with a steaming mug that you recognised — one of your very own design. It was a dark green, close to black, and had your poor recreation of a bear on it. You remembered thinking it was going to come out brown, remembered the shock when it was green.

She handed it over, and you used the hand with slightly more feeling to take it from her, holding it close to your chin to allow the steam to flow over your features, warming your nose. “So,” Maria said, drawing your attention from where you’d been keeping an eye on Troy, keeping the hot mug away from him. “First, you and Tommy fight, and then you ignore your best friend?”

You stared at her, teeth clenched in shock, and recalled the way Ellie had mentioned the boy. Clearly, he was pestering everybody who knew you. Maria’s eyebrows raised, looking expectantly at you.

“‘M not ignoring anybody.” You murmured, voice catching in your throat as you spoke, and you took a sip of boiling hot tea to get rid of the lump that had formed. The burn soothed you, in a strange way, warming your insides the slightest bit as you breathed steam.

“Mhm, is that why he’s been ‘round here, bugging us ever since he got out of the damn infirmary?” Maria asked, expression tightening slightly as you winced, and knew she had got you.

You shook your head, moving your other hand from underneath your leg to cradle the mug in both palms, breathing a relieved breath at the warmth finally reaching your fingers. “Doesn’t know how to stop, does he?” You said, moving your eyes to the swirling drink in the mug, not looking up even as Maria hummed. “I’ll tell him to leave you be.”

“Ah, but that would require talking to him, which you clearly haven’t been doing.” She told you, a slight teasing lilt to her voice, to make it seem less serious than it truly was.

Maria remembered the night you and Tommy had arrived home, with you shoving at his shoulder whilst he laughed loudly, a bright teasing smile on his expression. It was probably the lightest she had ever seen the two of you, with Tommy not feeling the weight of the world on his shoulders for just a moment, and you smiling like you hadn’t faced unspeakable things. She remembered the way you had scrambled to correct Tommy’s statements, whacking a hand against his forearm when he interrupted you.

She remembered Troy waking up from where she hadn’t long settled him down, and remembered the way you had immediately gone to calm him down after hissing a “Look what you’ve done now!” at Tommy, who had only laughed.

Maria remembered the way her head had settled against her husband’s shoulder, exhausted to her very bones, motherhood feeling much harder than she remembered. Especially with her aged bones, keeping up with a baby was more difficult than she remembered. She didn’t want to think about what it would be like when he could actually run around. Maria had just been grateful to have you there, to be able to rest with Tommy, trusting you to look after her son.

You challenged her motherly instincts, sure, but Troy was on another level — it was a lot more to deal with when your child wasn’t basically self-sufficient.

“I’m going to,” You said, though there was doubt in your voice. “I am.” You repeated, as if that would solidify your statement, as if it would make it any more truthful.

“Listen,” Maria sighed, saying your name, and waiting for you to look up from your mug before she continued. “I know what happened on that patrol. I know. And it wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t anybody’s fault, so why are you ignoring Jesse?”

You swallowed, scratching a fingernail over a small crumb of clay that hadn’t gotten smoothed down before being fired. “I just… I care about him, and he could’ve died, Maria. Tommy was right, I—I was irresponsible, and I could’ve gotten us both killed.”

Maria shook her head immediately, picking Troy up when he began to fuss, and she stopped you. “No, Tommy was speaking from a place of anger. Of fear. You did everything right.” She affirmed, staring intensely at you, as if daring you to argue against her. “Except, maybe, going after Joel, but I know why you did that. I get it. If I had been in your position, if it were my…— I would’ve done the same thing.”

“I just didn’t want him to die, because of me.” You said, voice quiet again, and Maria’s heart ached for you, something squeezing so tightly in her chest that it physically hurt. “I don’t want Tommy to hate me forever, either.” You added after a few quiet moments, eyes following a bubble around the edge of the mug.

“He doesn’t hate you, kid, not at all. He was scared, he didn’t want to lose you.” Maria reasoned, but you still didn’t feel better, not after just how angry he had gotten. Not after he had practically shoved you out of his sight, the moment he was done yelling, unable to even look at you. Not after he had sent Joel as a messenger, refusing to speak to you himself.

“Maybe,” You offered, because it was the best you could do. You couldn’t agree with her, couldn’t disagree, either. The only person who would actually be able to decide those things was Tommy — and he was nowhere to be found. “I’ll talk to Jesse.” You decided to say, in the end, hands gripping tighter on the mug. Just saying it aloud made it seem all the more real, and you regretted it a moment afterwards, thoughts stuck on what Jesse would say, what his family would say.

“Good.” Maria said, nodding at you, “He’s a good kid, he deserves to know his friend is still here.” She stood to her feet, heading to the kitchen with Troy in her arms, waiting for her to feed him.

Twenty minutes later, when Maria had gone upstairs to put Troy down for a nap, the front door banged open, a rush of cold air being let in.

“Maria!” Tommy yelled out, his voice panicked, and you could hear him shuffling through his bag in the still-open doorway. With furrowed brows, you placed the cold mug down on the floor beside the sofa, standing up and making your way to peek into the hallway. “Maria, you here?” He shouted again, more desperate this time, and when you finally saw him, you saw that he had snow still clinging to him, and he had brought clumps of it in on his boots, slowly melting puddles on their floor.

“Tommy?” You questioned quietly, both not wanting to speak to him, but also getting increasingly concerned by his behaviour. His head snapped up to you, and he blinked in surprise, his shoulders slumping and hands pausing in their rummaging.

“Oh, thank god.” Tommy said, approaching you quickly and wrapping his arms around you tightly before you could get a word in. You blinked, shocked, and slowly wrapped your own arms around the man, who just held your head closer to him in return. “You scared the shit outta me.” He admitted, a slight tremor to his voice. He breathed out a heavy sigh, arms squeezing, and you wanted to look at him to express your confusion.

“Is everything okay?” Maria asked, a slight panic to her own voice, but she relaxed at the image before her. Tommy’s eyes opened as he rested his head on your own, and he looked to his wife as he nodded gently.

He moved away from you slightly, hands moving to hold your shoulders tightly, finally able to see your confused face. He sighed, his shoulders dropping like they had been holding the weight of the world. “I went to the shop, wanted to apologise. Couldn’t find you or your things, and it was freezing.” Tommy told you, his head dropping until his chin rested against his chest for a moment. “Thought you left.”

His arms pulled you back to his chest, and you didn’t resist him, though your heart was racing in your chest, blood rushing in your ears.

Maria frowned, “I didn’t know you were going. The heater’s broken, so I told her to stay with us.”

Tommy nodded again, his breath held in his chest as he let his heart rate calm down. You let him hold on to you until he was ready to let go, just keeping your face hidden in his shoulder as your arms wrapped loosely around him, fingers numb from the cold once again.

When he finally released you, you took a small step back, cheeks warm with remaining shame from your last conversation with the man. The rest of you, however, was freezing, especially since you had removed your multitude of layers in the warm house. Tommy frowned as you shivered, cursing under his breath as he turned to shut his front door, his frown deepening when he saw the water covering the hallway in front of the door.

He waved Maria away when she gave him a stern look, and she nodded once she saw his expression, smiling tightly at you before heading back upstairs to settle Troy back down, after he had been fussing from his father’s shouting.

Tommy turned to where you stood, hands wrung together to try and generate some more warmth between your digits. He sighed again, a seemingly very common thing for him at the moment, and he stood up straighter to talk to you.

“I’m sorry,” He told you, his voice reflecting his words in its apologetic tone. “I should never have spoken to you the way I did. Wasn’t fair of me to blame you for things that weren’t your fault. Or for me to judge you for doin’ exactly what I would’ve. What I should’ve.”

You stared at him, at the way his hands clenched and unclenched into fists at his sides, a slightly nervous habit, you had noticed.

“Tommy, you were right,” You responded, continuing on even as he shook his head, “I messed up, and I could’ve gotten Jesse, or Joel, or even myself killed.”

“No.” He said firmly, reaching out and holding onto your shoulders once again, his grip tight as if you might slip away. “I was wrong. You hear me? I should have been proud, proud that you were so brave, that you saved your friend and your— and Joel. I should have been proud that you made your way back, that you did it without some old shithead tellin’ you what to do.” He rambled on, shutting his eyes and looking almost regretful.

You ducked your head, feeling far too emotional, a lump formed in your throat at his words. Just somebody who you looked up to, who you trusted, telling you that you hadn’t done anything wrong… it was almost too much.

As many mixed feelings as you may have had over the whole situation, the most prevalent one was guilt. It had been surrounding you, weighing so heavily on you, hell, you didn’t even realise how much it had been pulling you down until Tommy came in, lifting it all off of your shoulders.

“You did good, kid.” He told you, squeezing your shoulders, and you hated the way your lip started trembling.

“Stop, you’re gonna make me cry.”

Tommy laughed, the sound watery and almost broken off, “You can cry as much as you want.” He pulled you in, feeling your arms squeeze around his middle as he held on to you so tightly, he was almost sure he’d never let go again.

∘₊✧───── ───── ───── ─────✧₊∘

Your closed fist was raised up to the door, a hair’s width away from making contact with it, but you had frozen. And it wasn’t because of the cold.

There was something that had settled heavily in your stomach, making your whole body feel heavy and slow. You felt, distantly, like you might throw up with the way it was sitting, but tried not to think on it too much. You were aware of the way your chest was rising and falling, almost too aware, and you tried to put it out of your mind as you attempted to steel yourself.

“You gonna knock, or are you just gonna keep standing there, looking stupid?” A voice asked from behind you, making you spin on your heels, fist pulled away from the door. You held a hand against your chest, breathing a heavy sigh as you saw the culprit of the scare.

“You’re an asshole.” You murmured, eyes studying your beaten up boots that were covered in melting snow. You looked up to him, and felt some relief when you saw Jesse crack a slight smile at your reaction. It faded far too quickly for your liking.

“So?” He prompted, eyebrows raising at you.

You frowned, repressing the urge to grumble at him, but you knew that he should’ve been the one angry at you. Hell, he probably was. “I just came to say… I’m sorry.”

“For…?”

“Are you kidding?” You asked, annoyed. But when his expression didn’t budge, you sighed through your nose. “Okay. I’m sorry for ignoring you after the infirmary, and I’m sorry you got put into the infirmary at all.” You said, looking back down the where the melting snow was seeping into the hole at the side of your boots. You should probably get new ones.

Jesse didn’t say anything for a moment, and you picked at your fingernails while you stared at the ground, your nerves sending your pulse into a fluttery mess.

Finally, you heard him snickering, and your head snapped up. “Well, I just can’t believe this. You, apologising?” You glared as his smile slowly grew, though you knew that the whole thing wasn’t quite solved, at least it was good to know that Jesse was still acting his usual asshole self with you. “Come on, you little asshole.” He said, gesturing for you to follow him. You did.

He glanced at you every so often, shaking his head at your stoic expression.

The two of you arrived at the dining hall soon enough, standing in the queues silently whilst waiting to collect food, until Jesse nudged you and led you over to the table you so often shared.

“You do realise I would never blame you for something that happened on patrol, right?” He asked, eyebrow raised as he awaited your response, shovelling food into his mouth as if he was starving. He reminded you an awful lot of Ellie, in that way. You wondered if they had met.

With a roll of your eyes, “Well, now, yeah. Do we have to talk about this? I said sorry, didn’t I?” You murmured the last part, shovelling your own food into your mouth, refraining from rolling your eyes again when Jesse snickered at you.

“How could I forget? You prefer to brood rather than talk about your feelings.” He responded.

“Okay, I don’t brood—”

“Yes, you do—”

“And do you enjoy talking about… feelings?” You said, ignoring his interruption. He stared at your raised eyebrows, the expectant look on your face.

“Sometimes, I do.”

“Maybe when it comes to—”

“Dina!” Jesse said in a high pitched tone, cutting you off and looking at you with widened eyes. You looked behind you, seeing the girl of the hour approaching your table, an amused look in her eye. She nudged you with a grin as she walked past, sitting on your left and smiling widely at Jesse’s surprised expression.

After settling down, she looked back up to meet Jesse’s eyes. “What? Cat got your tongue?”

You snorted out a laugh, not expecting to hear such an old expression coming from her — it sounded like something Joel might say. Jesse glared at you, unamused by the grin you and Dina shared.

“Yeah, Jesse.” You goaded, smiling at his indignant huff. “Not want to talk about feelings, anymore?” You asked. You leaned backwards as he swiped his arm out, trying to knock the cutlery from your hand as it was heading towards your mouth. Dina laughed at his failed attempt.

“So you two are talking again, then?” Dina said when her laughing faded, and you glared at the way Jesse grinned, unhappy with the fact he was telling her such things. You supposed that you couldn’t blame him — after all, you had spoken to Maria about it. It just so happened that Jesse was your only friend your actual age.

“Unfortunately.” You grumbled, eyes narrowed at the man.

“Unfortunately,” Jesse mocked, making a face at you. “Somebody finally came to their senses!” He said, after he was done poking at his food as he frowned at you.

“Somebody is having regrets about it.” You responded in turn, smiling sarcastically at him.

“Back to normal, then.” Dina concluded, smiling when the two of you nodded. She didn’t know you all too well, but from the time she had spent with you in Jesse’s infirmary room, she was a fan. You clearly cared about Jesse, way more than you would admit, and she could admire that.

You looked at Jesse, “Back to normal.” He echoed, smiling at you.

You pretended that the sigh you let out wasn’t one of relief.

∘₊✧───── ───── ───── ─────✧₊∘

“You should really clean this place up, you know.” Jesse commented as you unlocked the door to the pottery shop, his eyes scanning around the room, the chill to the air making him shove his hands in his pockets. He looked at the dust covering the surfaces you usually cut clay on and raised his eyebrows.

“Well, I’ve been a bit busy.” You replied, moving to the newly fixed heater that Tommy had brought over when he walked you back to the shop that very morning.

“Oh, yeah, avoiding me.” Jesse said, grinning mischievously when you shot him an annoyed look over your shoulder, focusing on turning the heater on, placing your freezing hands in front of it when it finally started shooting out some warmth. You sighed at the sting, just glad to feel your hands once again.

You sat down on a dusty stool, turning to Jesse when he sat down beside you, relishing in the heater that was finally working. “Okay, so maybe I’m not the best with… feelings.”

“No kidding,” Jesse snorted, his smile fading when you stared at him, deadpan. “Sorry, go on.”

“But I can say that I do care about you. Sometimes. When you don’t piss me off.” You told him, drawing in a shaky breath that filled your lungs with cold air. “I just… relationships are complicated, you know? And painful, a lot of the time. I didn’t wanna go through that again, I guess, but you’re persistent.”

Jesse smiled as you spoke, somewhat amused by your words, but even you could see the softness to it. The absence of that teasing edge his grin usually held. It was reassuring.

“If this is about Joel—” Jesse attempted, shutting his mouth when you cut him off.

“—It’s not about him.” You interrupted, quickly, the back of your neck feeling hot despite the heater being quite far from you. “Or maybe it is, I don’t know.” You added on, after thinking about it for a second. You generally tried not to think of Joel, or the whole situation with him and Ellie, but could it really have effected you that much? It’s not like Joel was the first person you had lost.

He was the first to walk away without a fight, though.

A small part of you fought that fact, because he came back. Did that not mean anything?

“Can I speak yet?” Jesse asked, a slight teasing lilt to his voice. It brought you out of your thoughts, and you smiled despite the topic at hand. With a nod from you, Jesse went on, “Thanks. I’m just saying, maybe Joel isn’t all that bad. I’m not defending what he did, but the guy clearly cares about you.”

“So I should just— just forgive him? For leaving me?” You asked, looking at Jesse as if he had all the answers.

“I don’t know, that’s up to you,” He said. “Maybe you don’t need to forgive him. Maybe it’s time to just… move on with your life. Forget about what he did, and focus on what he can do. You miss him, don’t you?”

You frowned, looking away from the intensity of Jesse’s gaze. The two of you were friends, yes, and he was the closest friend you’d ever had, maybe besides Ellie. But being so open, it was strange. Likely the effect of the apocalyptic world you lived in, and perhaps it was another difference between that world and the little safe haven of Jackson, Wyoming.

“‘Course I do. He and Tess… they were everything I had.” You replied, your eyebrows creasing at the thought of the woman, at the memory of your life in Boston QZ. It made you realise that it had been a while since Maria had cut your hair, and Tess would’ve chastised you for not reminding her to cut it if you had let it gotten this long in Boston.

It all felt so far away.

When you thought of Tess, your heart ached. Though, it wasn’t quite the same as it had been on your journey with Joel and Ellie. You felt her absence, maybe more than ever, but it wasn’t all bitter. You felt… appreciative of her. She may be gone, but at least you got to have her for a time.

You really wished that she could’ve seen this place, though. You often wondered if she would’ve liked pottery.

Joel would probably know.

“Tess may be gone, but Joel isn’t. Not anymore.” Jesse reminded you, hesitant in his words. You realised that you had never really told him, or anyone, about Tess.

“Y’know, if Tess were here, she’d probably tell me to get over myself,” You laughed at the thought, a sad, watery laugh, but Jesse smiled with you despite not knowing the woman. “She’d kick Joel’s ass, though.”

“Is that even possible? Joel’s like… badass, man.”

“Nobody was more badass than Tess. She was awesome. Used to boss Joel around, all the time, she ran half of the smuggling underground at Boston.” You smiled when Jesse raised his eyebrows, surprised. “And she used to cut my hair. Always told me it was better to keep my hair short, even though she had long hair.”

“Bit hypocritical, isn’t it?” Jesse asked, humour in his words.

You shrugged, “Think she was just trying to keep me safe, in her own way. Tess didn’t want to keep me, to start with. Joel convinced her.”

The more you thought about it, the more you realised that it really was because of Joel that you were allowed to stay with the two of them. You remember hearing them argue on a few occasions, something about a great family that Tess knew nearby. But Joel had never let you go too far.

He’d told you about Tess’s family, though it wasn’t really his place to do so. He had done it in an attempt to comfort you one night when you were young, after you had gotten upset at Tess disregarding you yet again. Joel had explained that she didn’t like getting attached to anybody, especially kids, after she lost her own child. He had told you that it was what they had bonded over, at the start.

“Sounds like this Joel guy really wanted you around, huh?” Jesse said teasingly, only grinning when you narrowed your eyes at him.

“Shut up, you asshole, when the hell did you get all wise?” You asked, glaring at him as he feigned an innocent look. You cracked first, smiling at his expression, feeling a softness to the grin as he matched it with one of his own.

“Distance makes the heart grow wiser, I guess.”

“It’s fonder, Jesse. It makes the heart grow fonder.”

“Shut up, I’m the wise one here.”

You looked at Jesse then, as the two of you shared a laugh, and you wondered if this is how friendship felt before the apocalypse, or if that warm feeling in your chest was exclusive to post-apocalyptic relationships.

∘₊✧───── ───── ───── ─────✧₊∘

“Didn’t think you’d be coming back here.” Joel commented gruffly as he made his way to the kitchen with a nervous energy about him.

“Me neither,” You said idly, watching him fumble around the kitchen. You wondered if it was just a Miller thing, being terrible in the kitchen. It certainly seemed like something Joel and Tommy had in common, but you hadn’t really thought about it when Joel had asked if you wanted some tea, in a bit of a panic at your presence.

He didn’t say anything in response to that, seemingly mulling your words over. Joel didn’t really know what to make of your presence, certainly not expecting to see you at his front door when he opened it.

“Oh, wait,” You said suddenly, causing him to look over to you in the doorway from where he had been about to put tea in the two mugs in front of him. You pulled your backpack around on your shoulder, digging through it for a moment before pulling out a bag. Joel’s eyebrows furrowed as he looked between you and the bag, waiting for an explanation. “Look.” You said, handing it over to him.

He took the bag, opening it up and unable to help the grin that broke onto his face at the sight of coffee beans, the scent of them immediately soothing some of the man’s tension.

“Where’d you get these?” Joel asked you, his voice lighter than you had heard it since Boston. The sound of it made you grin, despite everything.

“Found ‘em on a patrol, a while ago. Been hiding them from Tommy, so don’t tell him.” You responded, realising that this was probably the lightest conversation you and Joel had held for a very long time. How long had it been?

“Wouldn’t dream of it. He’s a thief, always has been.” Joel said, smiling. “Right, the tea.” He said after a moment, placing the bag of coffee beans beside the mugs he’d set out.

You snickered as you noticed the mugs, grinning as Joel turned to you in question. “Seems like Tommy’s not the only thief in the family.” You said, gesturing toward the white and orange mug he’d placed down, recognising it from the batch you’d given Tommy and Maria.

Joel, at least, had the decency to look slightly embarrassed about stealing the orange coloured owl mug you had made and gifted to his brother. Either that, or embarrassed about getting caught. It had slipped his mind, really, more of a habit to grab it out of the cupboard, considering it was the one he used all the time.

He opened his mouth to try and craft some sort of defence, but felt any words he might’ve had die on his tongue as he turned to you. Seeing you smiling, well, it wasn’t exactly an unfamiliar sight. You often smiled at Tommy and Maria when he caught sight of you with the two of them, hell, you smiled a lot around that friend of yours, Jesse. Joel even remembers the times you would smile back in Boston, even though life in the QZ was much harder than life in Jackson.

But it had been a long time since Joel had seen you smile in his presence.

Each time you and Joel interacted after he had left you behind, your face had a way of falling, of crumpling in on itself before it hardened, staring at him with an expression of stone.

It had his heart aching in his chest, finally seeing you smile around him. He hadn’t realised quite how much he had missed it.

“What’s wrong?” You asked, after he stayed silent for a moment too long, the smile on your face fading into something of confusion. Joel shook himself out of his melancholy thoughts, clearing his throat and offering up his best smile in return.

“Nothin’,” Joel answered. “Nothin’ at all.”

You let his response linger in the air between the two of you for a few moments, and it seemed that the both of you were thinking of how life used to be. You were a long way from Boston.

“I could’ve made you your own, y’know.” You said, after a the silence stretched on, reaching out and picking up the mug he had stolen, looking at all the imperfections that had seemed invisible, all that time ago when you had made it. You’d like to believe you were much better in your craft, now.

“I like this one, just fine.” Joel responded, plucking it from your hands with a raised eyebrow. You snickered at his actions, moving to look around the kitchen, missing the soft grin stretched over the man’s face.

“God, you fixed that?” You asked suddenly, taking a wide step to look at the slight imperfection on the countertop, where you remember carving a deep gash in the material one night by shattering a particularly heavy plate upon the counter. You were almost sure it wasn’t fixable, that perhaps it could look better, but would always be extremely noticeable.

Joel nodded, back to his task of sorting out tea, but spoke when realising you were faced away from him. “Oh, yeah. Took me a couple tries, though.”

You hummed in response, going back to looking around the kitchen that you remembered so well. Most of the damage you had caused on the room had been fixed, which created a strange feeling in your chest, though you couldn’t tell quite what it was. Relief? Disappointment?

It wasn’t as hard to be in this house as you had expected it to be. You were awaiting that crushing feeling in your chest, that emptiness that left your ribs aching. Surprisingly, you felt… light, almost.

Joel didn’t know exactly what to expect.

On one hand, he wanted to feel hopeful, to belief that this would be the beginning of your relationship with him healing. But then on the other hand, he was reminded of just how much he had hurt you, of the tears that had spilled from your eyes when he had left you behind, the grit of your teeth when he had returned. He tried his best not to expect anything at all, to just remain… happy that you were here, in this moment.

Even if there were no other moments like this one.

He tried not to focus on how much that thought hurt.

“You and Ellie settled in, then?” You asked, trying to fill the silence in the room. There was also that part of you that wanted to know, that wanted to know everything.

Joel repressed the sigh that built in his chest. “Gettin’ there. She, uh, she’s had a tough time, but you know Ellie. She loves to be gettin’ into everybody’s business.” He refrained from looking in your direction when he asked you the same question. “You settled in alright here?” He wanted to add more on, but thought it best not to try his luck.

“I guess so.” You responded, thinking of how different your life was now, to how it was back in Boston, or even to how it was when you were on the road with Joel and Ellie. “It was… tough at first, but Tommy and Maria were good to me. And I got the shop, so.”

“And that boy?” Joel asked, trying to remain casual, though you heard the suspicion.

You smiled at his question, at the way he avoided looking at you. Back in Boston, when you had been much, much younger, Joel had tried to get the thought into your brain that boys were bad. He was protective of you, and distrustful towards the world. You couldn’t blame him.

“Jesse? He’s, uh, he’s my best friend.” You told the man, shaking your head at the way his shoulders relaxed the smallest bit. “He’s a good guy, you know. I care about him.”

As protective as Joel was, though he knew that he didnt really have any right to be, he couldn’t deny that it was nice that you had a friend your age. That you could count on someone, could trust someone, out of your immediate circle. He remembers that you had been lonely in the QZ, with only him and Tess for company, nobody your age that you could speak to or trust.

It had been a relief, almost, when you and Ellie had developed a friendship on the journey. Joel only hoped that the two of you could have that again.

“I’m happy for you, kiddo.” Joel responded, the nickname coming out almost like a reflex, like it was involuntary. It was what he had always called you, though, so you weren’t surprised.

“Jesse, uh— it was actually Jesse’s idea for me to come here.” You said, and Joel couldn’t deny the relief that spread through him when you didn’t immediately reject the nickname, or pull away at the sound of it.

Joel floundered for a moment, looking for something to say, eventually settling on uttering a quiet, “Sounds like a smart kid.”

You smiled, taking the mug off of Joel as he finally finished making the tea, avoiding your eyes. “I guess.” You replied, cradling the warm ceramic mug tightly in your hands. “Somehow, he seems to know what I need to hear, before even I know.” You said, humour coating your fond tone.

Joel smiled. “Sounds familiar. Tess was always like that, with me.”

It was one of the first times Joel had openly mentioned her name since she died. For some reason, it made your shoulders feel much lighter, like the burden of not being able to talk about her had been weighing you down.

“I miss her.” You confessed, looking for his reaction.

“I do, too, kiddo.” Joel admitted, his words softer than you had ever heard them. You thought about what it must’ve been like for him, to lose the companion he had held as close as he dared for close to two decades. You couldn’t imagine.

You hesitated, opening your mouth, before closing it again, only going ahead when Joel gave you a reassuring nod. “You knew her much better than I ever did.”

“I suppose.”

“Do you think you could… I don’t know, just— just tell me about her, one day?” You asked, the hope in your words making Joel’s heart ache.

“‘Course. I’ll tell you whatever you’d like to know.” Joel said, smiling gently at you, nodding his head towards the living room, a soft look on his face as he sat down beside you on the couch. “Ask away, kiddo.”

You were quiet for a moment, feeling lighter than you had possibly your whole life. “Do you think she’d like pottery?” You asked, sharing a knowing smile with Joel. He laughed at the concept, something so amusing about the idea of Tess Servopoulos, the renowned smuggling boss, sitting in your shop and making dinnerware.

“If it was with you, I reckon she’d have liked anything.” Joel responded, something truthful to his words.

You smiled, and asked more about her.

∘₊✧───── ───── ───── ─────✧₊∘

if the door wasn’t shut taglist: @sleepylunarwolf @am-i-shit-or-am-i-the-shit @mandowhatnow @aphrcdites @doodlebob-mp3 @rrickgrrimes8 @nikt-wazny-y @fallenoutofrose @wrathofcats @kakimakiloh @pinkpurplepuffs @ameagrice @optimisticprime3 @httpjiikook @hnslchw @ioonatv @ackermanbitch @jay1bird23 @martinsmomo @brilliantopposite187 @calumhoodssidehoe @truthfuleeyours @code-roevember @cappucinolia @wrappedinfiction @angelmenace @your-shifting-gurl @gimalo135 @xaimary @v-linelicker @imonmykneessir @kayler-23 @dilfdemolisher @pedropascalslilbaby @rh1nestonecowg1rl @randomstory56 @ipadkidsworld @kobababysblog @wren-ly @morganfullaaa @theyoutubedork

2K notes · View notes

milkteabinniechan · 9 days

Text

♡extra credit - seungmin

MINORS DNI 18+ ONLY ko-fi // m.list

pairing: college student! Seungmin x fem reader

warnings: angst, slight dom, oral (f. receiving)

a/n: I absolutely love angst, bratty seungmin and this was so fun to write. I'd love to do more with seungminnie in the future<33 thank you for reading!

Seungmin’s pencil rolled back and forth on the table in front of him. You watched his hands push it up and down, right and left. You cleared your throat loudly to get his attention.

“Shouldn’t we get started?” you huffed.

Seungmin shrugged his shoulders, eyes unbreaking from the table.

“I don’t care. You’re the nerd, can’t you just tell me the answers?”

“That’s not really how tutoring works.” you remarked sarcastically.

Seungmin had failed his last three exams in the literature class you shared. Since you had scored the highest with almost all of the exams, your professor had asked you to help tutor Seungmin for the semester final. You loved literature and the class was your favorite part of the day. But now literature was a chore, it was a headache. Shakespeare had become daunting, Jane Austen had been mocking and Ernest Hemingway felt like you were drowning. Seungmin had fought you at every turn, every moment of your study session.

Can we just follow the lesson plan I made for today? Please?” you pleaded. You softly slid your lesson plan across the table towards him.

Seungmin’s eyes broke from his pencil and lazily glanced over the paper.

“God, you are such a nerd.” his words spat out sharp as he pushed the paper back across the table to you.

You felt tears pricking the corners of your eyes. This arrogant bastard. You had reached your breaking point.

“Forget it! You’re hopeless! I don’t care if you fail!” Your words matched his in sharpness and cadence. You could feel the anger bubbling inside of you. There was no stopping it now. You stood up abruptly from the table, your palms flat on the table. “Have fun taking this class again and again and AGAIN. I may be a nerd but at least I am going to graduate on time.”

You let out a deep breath. A breath that felt like it had been trapped there for months. You could feel your knees beginning to buckle from the rush of adrenaline, but you held your ground. Seungmin stayed seated, his eyes wide and glaring. His jaw clenched in frustration while he slowly rose from his seat. Silence hung heavy in the air between you. Your knees were beginning to shake now, but you kept a stern face. You would never show any weakness, not now. Finally, Seungmin opened his mouth to speak. You clenched your muscles bracing yourself for impact.

“That was mean,” his face began to move closer to yours, “like, really mean.” Your eyes locked with his, then down to his lips. You could feel yourself inching closer to him. All of a sudden, his mouth had pressed hard into yours. Your eyes fluttered back as the intensity of his mouth made your knees completely give out from underneath you. You started to lose your balance and attempted to break the kiss to gain your footing, but Seungmin had swiftly wrapped his arm around your waist to steady you. The kiss stayed locked as he lifted you up onto the table. You sat with you legs dangling off while Seungmin eased his waist in between your thighs. A fire was filling your core that was setting out to spread through your entire body. Your hips were starting to move on their own as you pulled Seungmin into you for a deeper kiss. His tongue forced its way into your open mouth with agressive flicks and jerks. Your hands found his fingers and were desperately begging to penetrate the heat building inside of you.

Seungmin unzipped your pants and started to pull down. He licked his lips like an animal ready to devour. Like a starving man lost in the desert, praying for an oasis. He wanted to drown so deep inside of you and never come up for air.

“Wait, I-I…” your words trailed off as Seungmin traced his thumb up and down, left and right over your swelling clit. You arched your back in response, lightning sensations were pulsating through your thighs like a perverted heartbeat.

“I want to make you come,” he growled, his jaw clenching again. “I want to watch you come.”

You locked eyes with him again. You had your hand in your mouth, biting down hard to keep from moaning too loud. You felt so exposed, but it felt strangely exciting. Seungmin slipped a finger gingerly inside of you, eager to see how wet he had made you.

“F-fuck…” you squeaked.

“How does it feel?” Seungmin let his whole finger disappear inside of you now. He turned his hand upward and let his thumb continue to run small, intricate circles around your clit.

“G-good…” you breathed out. You could feel your skin heating up as Seungmin’s finger picked up speed.

“I could recite a poem if you want? I know you like Plath.” his finger continued a steady pace.

“Yeah like you know any poetry…” you snarkily remarked through heavy breaths.

“If you come for me, I’ll follow your lesson plan.” He smirked up at you, firey eyes between your thighs, his arm moving headily.

You chuckled lightly. You wanted to come. You wanted so much more than a finger inside of you. But Seungmin had a reputation at University. You knew who he was and more importantly, you knew who you were. You were not this type of girl. But at least for this moment, for right now, you wanted to be the kind of girl that Seungmin wanted.

Seungmin’s thumb moved more vigorously as he felt your cunt clench around his finger. You were pulling him in so deliciously and all he wanted in the world was to see your climax. A litany of curse words poured from your innocent lips as your orgasm overwhelmed you. Seungmin could hardly believe how hard he was, watching you writhe and squirm on top of the table. He slid out his soaked finger and placed it in his mouth to get a full taste of you.

“Huh, nerd tastes good.”

taglist: @sugawhaaa @trixiekaulitz @chrizzztopherbang @cassidymb121 @roanns-posts @staysinbloom @yaorzu-blog @bubblebisk @cotton-candycloudz @beautyinhypnosis @domicaru @doohnut @strawberry31 @slxtmeri @newhope8 @tinyelfperson @dandelions-143 @stayyyyyyyyyyyy21 @msauthor @fun-fanfics

274 notes · View notes

alexiapp · 3 months

Text

Make Time

Alexia Putellas x Reader

Warnings: Angst, light swearing words, talks of infidelity

summary: Your relationship has met an all time low.

no part 2.

side note: I kinda wrote this half asleep, so i wouldn’t doubt if this is shit and it might be a little corny but😭 I’ve been gone for a while i just needed a little mental health break but i’m back now !! i missed you all

————————————-

You were on edge, you have completely lost yourself. You were a drowning mess of emotions.

You were struggling, mentally mostly.

The hardest part to grasp was that you were doing this all alone.

It seemed like your relationship was straining, like it was on its last thread and it had finally snapped. Alexia never seemed to be there, You understood that she had such a consistent schedule, but there was only so much you could take.

It started off with her coming home late, it bugged you.. badly. You knew it was just Alexia being Alexia..pushing herself and others and going above and beyond. You wanted to see her thrive and succeed in her career but it was hard to contain your feelings when all you wanted was her.

All you ever wanted was a partner to be there for you, to guide you, and help you through times like this.

You felt like a burden in her eyes..

You wish Alexia was there at night to help you through tuff evenings like these, to hold you and tell you that it was going to be okay…that you two were going to be okay.

Things only got worse when Alexia started skipping out on important things you planned.

You planned a special dinner between the two of you, to celebrate your anniversary of 3 years of you to being together. This brewed up a storm between you guys relationship dynamic, which you doubted the older woman even recognized.

Your last straw was when You realized Alexia couldn’t pull through when you asked for support in a situation.

You were having a special dinner regarding your job, you begged and begged alexia to show up for support.

“Alexia, please i know i’ve spoke about it a bunch of times but i really need you to be there, this is very important to me” You said with high emotions.

“I know cariño you’ve spoke about this plenty of times i hear you” Alexia said with a tired expression.

“Thank you, love. I appreciate it” You said walking over to hug the taller woman.

“no hay problema, amor” She said bringing one hand to wrapping around your body embracing you and kissing your head, as a deep sigh left her mouth.

Later that night she ended up going out with her teammates.

———————————-

You briefly sat at the dinner table, dress tight around your body, hair up, with a full face of makeup.

You discreetly checked the time on your phone being respectful of the professional setting, wondering where the hell Ale could be.

30 minutes turned into 60 and that turned into a hour and so forth.

You now lost all hope in her showing up.

Alexia failed you for the last time tonight. She knew how disparately asked her to show up.

This is when you knew that you guys relationship had came to an end.

It takes two people to pull through, and it felt ike it was mainly you fighting for it, and you could feel it.

You’ve felt this way for a while, you even talked to your best friend about it.

—————————-

“I swear i’ve thought of everything Ashley, I don’t know what’s been going on between us” You said in a tired tone.

“This is going to sound harsh but, have you might’ve thought that Alexia is seeing someone else?” Your friend said in a suggestive tone.

You knew deep down that Alexia was not like that at all, she even hated the thought of cheating. it was insensible to her. You knew if Alexia really caught feelings for someone else she would simply end the relationship between the two of you no matter how painful it would be to the two of you.

“God no, Ashley” You said quickly

“Okay, okay i get it that’s a pretty wild accusation, but you need to talk to her” She said reassuringly.

“I know i do but, a part of me feels like the relationship between me and her isn’t there anymore” you said sadly.

————————————

3 years… down the drain. A relationship that lasted 3 years seemed like it meant nothing to Alexia.

You tried everything in you to fight for it, not knowing that it was already over, you just had to come to terms with it.

When you arrived home, you hastily undressed yourself from the uncomfortable clothing.

You walked into you guys shared closet and grabbed your suitcase. You quickly started packing all your belongings and little things you had laying around in the apartment.

You were closing a chapter, and you knew that it was your time to leave. You didn’t want to stay up and wait for her, knowing it would be no use.

You quickly wrote her a goodbye note and headed to your own flat.

You knew what you did was a cowardly move but you had no fight left in you.

You finally said goodbye to the apartment that had built memories between the two of you.

It was really over..

———————————-

Alexia soon arrived home from another night out with her teammates. She parked her car as she finally checked her phone and was met with multiple missed calls and texts from you

y/n ❤️: where are you ?

y/n ❤️: are you on your way it’s been 30 mins ?

y/n ❤️: I thought i could’ve counted on you…

The blonde quickly freaked out. She totally forgot herself and everything around her. How could she be so stupid ?… She forgot the one important thing you asked her to show up to and she failed you.

She knows she’s been busy..

She quickly opened the door and quickly raced into you guys shared flat.

She was met with silence, all the lights turned off. She called out for you and was met with no answer.

She quickly scrapped her feet to move upstairs to see if you were there but just asleep.

She was met with a nice made bed. She also saw you guys shared closet door open with the light left on.

All of the hangers with your clothes were gone…

You suitcase was gone…

Your shoes that were once nicely lined up with her’s were even gone…

You left… she started freaking out.. looking left and right for any signs of something you’ve left.

She went towards the bed and found a letter with her name written on the front folded up.

She opened the letter..

“ Dear Alexia, I know you may be reading this with confusion, wondering where i’ve gone. I’ve decided to leave…Our relationship has been on a strain. I’ve tried to fight for it, but it feels like i’ve been pulling the strings by myself. Tonight just showed me that I in-fact could not depend on you. It feels like our 3 years have been wasted. I wanted us to become more in the future and grow with each other, but i guess it just wasn’t meant to be between the two of us. I can’t stay somewhere i’m not wanted. I’ll always love you Alexia.

From: Your’s truly y/n”

The blonde frantically folded up the paper in a haste to find her phone and call you. she continuously called you, to no avail you didn’t answer. she was continuously being met with your voicemail. Anger struck her body and she threw her phone, cracking it.

“joder!”

Alexia sat on the bed with her head in her hands accepting her defeat. She lost the one good thing that she had…taking it for granted blinded by her selfish actions…

She lost the love of her life…her everything.

Alexia sobbed that night…alone in you guys used to be shared bed.

She was all alone…

#woso x reader #woso imagine #alexia putellas one shot #alexia putellas imagine #alexia putellas x reader #alexia putellas #angst #woso #woso fanfics #barca femeni

594 notes · View notes

saintgoo · 3 months

Text

Three ways to say "I love you" ☆

PAIRING: JJ Maybank x Fem!Reader

GENRE: Fluff, Hurt/Comfort

WARNINGS: None

A/N: it's literally so cold so all I can do is go under the blankets and write stuff😫 enjoy!!!

Summary: The three times JJ showed how much he loved you without needing to say it.

wc: 1.5k ★ ... masterlist ★ ... taglist

ONE:

The waves were choppy, the sea sounded like thunder bathed in the lunar light. The pogues had just returned from a party at a nearby beach, too drunk to go home alone, they all decided to sleep at John B's chateau.

Sarah and John B were playing tag when they arrived, going to the beachfront even though it was night. "What are they doing?" Pope questioned, leaving his backpack next to the residence stairs. Kiara shrugged and looked at them. “Too drunk and too in love by the way it looks.”

You left your bag next to Pope's, sitting on the stairs to take off your shoes that had been bothering you since the party. You looked around to locate your boyfriend, only to be met with nothing. “Yo, where’s JJ?” You furrowed your eyebrows.

"Over there, by the water's edge," Pope replied, nodding toward the shore. "He said somethin’ about skipping rocks in the moonlight."

“Oh god, he's going to end up hurting himself in the way he is” You laughed “I'll make sure he doesn't fall or anything.”

You strode down to the water's edge, feet sinking into the cool wet sand as the waves lapped at your ankles. Up ahead, JJ's silhouette swayed in the pale glow of the moon as he lifted rocks from the shoreline.

"Hey, any luck skipping those?" you called out.

"The stone glides smoothly acroszz the sssurface," JJ slurred, flinging another pebble haphazardly into the surf. "Not a sssingle bounce to be found."

"Maybe ease up on the liquor there, dude" you chuckled. "At this rate the only thing getting skipped is you if you keep pitching rocks into the tide."

JJ squinted at you through blue eyes, a crooked grin emerging. "You tryin' to steal my thunder, [Name]? Think you c'n do better?"

You rolled your eyes playfully, not wanting to provoke the drunk boy. “Oh no, honey. I'll never be better than you... don't you think it's better to go back to the chateau and do this tomorrow? It’s too late.”

“But it's still early!" JJ exclaimed dramatically, a pout on his lips like a child. You walked close to him, taking the rock from his hand and wrapping your arms around his neck. “It’s already 2 am, let’s go in, bae.”

You dropped the stone on the ground and grabbed his hand, trying to take him to the chateau, but he had another idea as he gently pulled you by the hand and collided you with him, grabbing you by the hips and throwing you onto his shoulders.

“JJ, put me down now!” You cried between laughs, feeling your clothes being soaked as they were impacted by the waves.

“Oh darling, don't be like that, the sea is callin’ uss…” he smiled, throwing you into the water without warning, holding your waist as he drowned in laughter.

You emerged from the water, your hair wet and your makeup smudged. You tried to look angry, but quickly failed to let your smile appear, pointing your finger at him accusingly. “You're so dead, Maybank!”

“You wouldn't lay a finger on me, doll” he said, suddenly sounding sober. He pulled you by the waist your bodies collided.

Your clothes clung heavily to your skin as JJ pulled you against his frame, the crashing waves swirling about your tummy.

"And just what do you think you're doing, Maybank?" you narrowed your eyes, though his proximity made your breath quicken.

JJ fixed you with a piercing blue stare, fingers tracing idle patterns along your waist. "Dunno, just feel like dancin' under the moonlight with my girl."

You sucked in a breath as his touch sent sparks through your dampened limbs. "Oh? And since when have I been 'your girl'?"

A low chuckle rumbled in JJ's chest. "Since the moment I laid eyes on you, darlin." His head dipped lower, hot breath ghosting your lips.

Heart pounding, you tangled your hands in his sodden shirt, desire and irritation warring within. "You insufferable ass, I fucking hate you."

Your words hovered between you, anticipation crackling in the narrow space that remained. Then, slowly, mercilessly, JJ's smiling mouth met your own in a searing kiss that made the bay's icy waters feel balmy by comparison.

When you broke apart, you were quick to hide your face in his neck. “I look like a mess…” your voice muffled by JJ’s wet clothes.

He removed your face from his neck, lifting your gaze as he placed his finger on your chin. “The prettiest mess.”

TWO:

Warmth enveloped you as consciousness slowly emerged from the fog of sleep. Blinking blearily, memories of the previous night came rushing back.

A smile crept onto your lips as you burrowed deeper into firm muscle and cotton sheets. JJ's steady breathing stirred your damp hair, his arms secure about your bare waist. You turned gently in his hold to glimpse his face, relaxed in slumber. He looked years younger sans smirk or swagger, boyish features softened in repose.

Trailing light fingers across his stubbled jaw, you pondered how you had arrived at this moment. JJ had always stirred something primal within - thrilling yet terrifying in equal measure. But beneath his rough exterior beat a heart of gold, a loyalty you couldn't help but crave.

As the morning sun crested over the horizon, JJ began to stir. Those fathomless blue eyes blinked open, drowsy and confused at first, then lighting with joy upon meeting your gaze.

"Mornin', beautiful," he rasped, sleep rough voice sending shivers down your spine.

"Morning," you smiled shyly, still half expecting this moment of intimacy to dissipate like a dream upon waking.

But JJ only held you closer, nuzzling his nose against your neck until you dissolved into giggles. "Sleep well?"

"Best I've had in ages," you admitted softly. Fingers trailing down his chest, you traced swirling patterns over tan skin and ropey muscle.

JJ shuddered almost imperceptibly at your touch, large hands tracing your own curves with featherlight reverence. "Last night...this morning...everything just feels right with you, like I'm exactly where I'm meant to be."

Your heart swelled almost painfully at the rare display of vulnerability in those crystalline eyes. "Oh JJ..."

Cupping your jaw, he locked your gazes with an intensity that stole your breath. "You're my everything, [Name].”

You hugged him that morning, feeling all the emotions flow through your body electrically. The rest, as they say, is history.

THREE:

You kicked off your shoes aggressively enough to leave a mark on your heel. Fresh tears spilled from your eyes and soaked your entire face.

You let small sobs escape as you made your way to your bed, letting your body slump and your face sink into the pillow pathetically.

You needed that job. All your sleepless nights working in that restaurant for nothing, the senseless scolding you heard from your boss for nothing. Your father was going to kill you when he found out that you had wiped out your only source of money, and you were slowly falling into despair knowing that that night he would come home and you would have to tell him the news.

Exhausted, you let the tears come out unhindered. At some point, your door opened revealing JJ, who already knew you had been fired when you told him via text. He had a bag of sweets in his hands, and when he saw your condition, he dropped it on the floor and walked towards you, climbing on top of you and placing his face in the crook of your neck.

JJ's body curled protectively around yours as you wept, soaking the collar of his shirt with tears. He gripped you tightly, as if willing his strength to seep into your bones through sheer force of will.

"Shhh, I've got you darlin', just let it out," he whispered into your hair. His hands traced soothing circles over your quaking form, lingering in all the places he knew could ease tension from your aching muscles.

Slowly, your sobs began to peter out, exhaustion leeching the will to despair from your pores. But where the anguish had seeped away, JJ's steady presence flooded in to fill the void - his sturdy warmth, the callouses of his palms, familiar scent of sea and motor oil wrapped around your senses like a security blanket.

As your breathing calmed, JJ leaned back just enough to cup your swollen face between his hands and press kisses to each damp eyelid. "Look at me, sweetheart. We're gonna fix this, you hear? Fuck that bastard boss of yours. I'm here with you, okay? Always."

His blue eyes shone with defiance, determination to lift you where you could not yourself. And in that gaze you found solace, an anchor when the world felt tipped. Clinging to his shirt, you nodded tiredly. He wiped away your remaining tears, smiling and kissing your forehead gently, hugging you in that moment.

Send me a request! ☆

#fanfic #outer banks fanfiction #black reader #rafe cameron x reader #fanfiction #rafe cameron x you #jj maybank fanfiction #jj maybank fluff #jj maybank x reader #outer banks fluff #jj maybank angst #jj maybank x you #jj maybank #outer banks fanfic #outer banks imagine #saintgoo #outer banks jj #jj mayback x reader

470 notes · View notes

bg-brainrot · 2 months

Note

Sorry to bring the horny but what are your spicy headcanons for Astarion? (Ascended and spawn version)

No need to apologize anon-- this is a safe space for horny 🫰🏽

And ooo I haven't done any spicy headcanons before! I've only done the rogue!Tav ones before, but let me take a crack at it since I definitely have thoughts 🧐

Let's see... Spicy Astarion Headcanons w/GN!Tav (18+ Explicit warning ⚠️ all are set post-personal quest ⚠️ TW: Astarion's trauma)

Spawn Astarion

While he's not wholly comfortable engaging in intimacy for a while, he does enjoy exploring, testing out new ways to touch each other, figuring out what he likes/dislikes. There are stumbles along the way, and his healing journey is naturally not linear, but when he finds a few things he does like, the two of you are all too eager to capitalize on them.

One of those things is how much he enjoys looking into your face as you come. Whether you're in his lap, standing in front of him, laying before him-- he's finds it so much easier to stay connected and in the moment when he's looking directly into your eyes, watching you come undone to his touch.

Always a playful man, he also relishes taking his time with foreplay. Long, lingering touches, deep, kneading massages, soft, brushing lips... it's almost painful how slowly he enjoys taking his time to work you up, enjoys the same in return. But, gods, is it just as lovely.

Once he realizes how much you enjoy the sound of his voice, whispered right into your ear-- he can't stop murmuring loving little things to you. At first, you worry it's an act. After all, so were his initial sweet, honeyed words. But when he's losing all control, moaning a stuttering 'I love you' into your ear as his movements falter, you know that none of this is an act.

Despite maintaining a lot of his composure with you initially-- again, an act-- once he feels safe, comfortable in your arms, his carefully crafted composure falls to something real and a lot more sloppy. His dexterity and control seems to plummet in the heat of the moment, his fingers stumble in his eagerness. More than a few times, the two of you are left laughing, breathless as he finishes quickly or your latest exploration fails.

While he's happy to pleasure you, it takes some experimentation before he's comfortable with you reciprocating. In part because it's what he was used to, seducing targets for Cazador, but also because he's just not sure what he likes. The first time he enjoys your pleasuring him, you do it over his clothing, slowly, grinding the full length of him as he directs your hand with his.

More than anything, he needs to feel you, warm and alive, pressed against him after the fact. Sweaty, hair askew, blood usually trickling from a bite wound, he loves you most post-climax. And whether or not you'll have another go is immaterial, because, in the moment, all he wants is to drown himself in your mortality.

He never says it, but many of his favorite things are things he was never able to do in the 200 years of cruelty under Cazador. Looking into your eyes, telling you he loves you genuinely, taking his time, messing up-- all of them are new for him, ways of reclaiming his body and his sexuality.

Since beginning to re-explore his boundaries, his favorite situation together is you seated in his lap, your foreheads pressed together, your hands clutching his shoulders for support while he rolls into you, his own hands gripping your ass. When he's close, he whispers onto your lips, "Gods, you feel so good. Love, I-I can never last with you like this, can I?" When he comes, his lips meet yours, his hands wrap around your back-- as if trying to meld you to him.

Ascended Astarion

After ascending, he is eager to try out all of the new things his power affords him-- this includes his new body heat. With your own new undead form, he feels all the more alive. The first time he realizes what a thrill it is to have your cold body pressed against his heat, he can't get enough. He spends an entire day directing you to touch him, shivering in the wake of your chill touches.

And now that he can taste, he also wants to taste you-- everywhere. Not just your blood, but your sweat, your tears as you come for him. He will lap at you like a man possessed, all the while telling you how good you taste, how he would tear the hells apart for a mere drop of your release. His mouth, already such a potent drug, is relentless in its exploration of your flavors.

When it comes to the other attributes of mortal men he's received, why, his sex drive is through the roof. Every time he sees you make someone grovel before you, witnesses you exert your power, he can feel himself growing hard at the sight. More than anything, he wants to take you right then and there -- but he stills his hand, waiting until the day you're both seated on his throne.

While he doesn't go so far (yet), he makes no move to hide how he feels about you, often demanding your attention afterward with no more than a look, a finger curl, and a lick of his lips. It's a silent claim as well, showing anyone brave enough to watch whose consort you are.

As his consort, he will do everything in his power to ensure that you're taken care of. This means that, even if you think you're satisfied, Astarion will continue to tend to you, bringing you to climax after climax. It's only when you're left an utter, blubbering mess that he knows he's done enough.

He loves feeling that control over your pleasure. Above all else, he loves knowing that you, a powerful adventurer, crumble before him like anyone else. That thought drives him-- it means he fucks you often, he fucks you hard, and hells does he fuck you at a pace the gods would balk at.

As far as his own satisfaction goes, he's quite vocal about it now. He tells you exactly what he wants and when he wants it. When you stray the course, try something new, his hand is at your head, your neck, your waist-- keeping you right where he wants you.

He's also quite liberal in his praise of you, always ready to tell his beautiful consort what a pretty little mess they are for him, how lovely they feel when they clench around him, how their body could bring the very world to ruin with its perfection.

Since ascending, his new favorite situation is you on your knees, cold mouth around his cock, eyes watering, hands desperately trying to pleasure yourself, all while he looks down at you with half-lidded eyes, holding your head in place, whispering down silky sweet words of encouragement, "That's it, my treasure. Yes, gods, you take me so well. More. More. Yes, just like that. Give me everything." After he spends himself into your mouth, he will always be quick to bend down for a kiss, eager to taste himself on your lips.

#anon #anon ask #astarion #astarion x tav #bg3 headcanons #astarion headcanons #spawn Astarion #ascended astarion #astarion x gn!tav #astarion x gn reader #i hope these make sense lol #i dont know how to write headcanons i think but they're fun!

281 notes · View notes

lady-lauren · 9 months

Text

Apotheosis

↬ Pairing: Erwin Smith x Fem!Reader

↬ Rating: Explicit, 18+ Only

↬ Word Count: 2.3k

↬ Warnings/Tags: breeding, talk of pregnancy, dacryphilia/tears, possessive actions, power dynamic/age gap, cum eating, excessive cum/creampie

↬ A/N: It’s been a while since I showed love to my favorite man 💕 Apotheosis: the highest point in the development of something; culmination or climax.

Tears are expected in Erwin’s world. Fat, emotional tears upon the loss of a comrade, tears of frustration at the end of a failed mission, cries of agony of a population ravaged by fear and unrest.

But he could drown in your tears, feast on them like waters from the heavens. You’re pretty when you cry, delicate and overwhelmed, all from him and him alone. His actions, his words, his pleasure and pain.

“Take it, darling, all of it.”

You’re barely undressed, tits spilling from the torn buttons of your uniform, leather straps of your gear pressing into the fat of your thighs as the fabric of your pants struggles at the spread of your legs.

“C-Commander, I, please, I—” nonsense, it’s all nonsense as he flattens you against his desk, cockhead spearing through the unprepared, yet dripping folds of your cunt.

It’s been weeks since he’s seen you. He has no patience left to spare.

Erwin breaches the first ring of muscle into your depths, hissing through his teeth as he feels your pussy suck around him.

He can’t even remember if he locked the door to his office before he pounced on you, his favorite little cadet.

“Good girl,” he coos, thumbs smoothing over your ass as he bullies his way inside of you. You choke below him, sucking in air at the intrusion.

It’s all too much, the burning spread of your cunt and the way he presses your aching breasts against the crumpled papers, fingertips mean and eager against your hips. But he adores when you get overwhelmed, gasping like you haven’t taken his cock countless times before.

“I’ve been thinking of you,” he grunts as he bottoms out inside of you, your ass slapping against his pelvic bone, belly quivering as his cockhead brushes against the most sensitive parts of you. “I’m going to cum inside of you, darling, fill you to the fucking brim with me.”

“Oh god,” you whine, wiggling against his hold as you come to terms with the full stretch of his length. His veins are throbbing inside of you, pulsing against your walls. He doesn’t give you the time you deserve to adjust, instead using your flesh like a toy and bouncing you back and forth on his cock.

“I–we–I-I can’t have…we shouldn’t…” you moan and writhe below him, asschecks bouncing with every sharp thrust.

The vision of you pledging your oath to the nation, to him, is crisp in his memory. Your fist over your chest, eyes gazing up at him from the second row of fresh cadets. He’d noticed your faith then, felt drawn to you like a moth racing toward a funeral pyre.

He’s let himself be consumed by your dark flames, let dreams of you belonging to him, only to him, fill waking thoughts.

“You don’t want my babies, darling? Is that it?”

The sound that drips from your throat is sinful, longing, like his words have speared through your heart and ripped tender emotions.

A heavy hand runs the length of your spine, stopping at the base of your neck to press you down harder, keeping you trapped below his strength.

“Y-yes, Erwin, I–fuck, but we can’t,” your tone lingers on your opposing declaration, brave but lost. You mean it, but you don’t.

Leaning forward, Erwin drops his lips to your ear, slowing his pace to a grind into your cunt.

“Your pussy is desperate for me, I can feel it—you want to milk my cock, want me to fill your insides with my cum.”

Your nails scrape at the wood in his desk, leaving lines in their wake. Your bodies are heady, sweat bleeding into cotton and leather straps catching against the press of his thighs to yours.

“Let me tell you what I think about, darling,” he whispers wickedly, hand slipping between the press of your stomach into the edge of his desk. He is brutal with the remainder of your shirt, ripping threads and snapping buttons as he claws his way to your skin.

“I think of you ripe with my child, my seed growing inside of this strong, perfect body. I imagine you glowing, flushed with hormones and proud at the mention that your child is mine. That I came in your body, took you, bred you.”

Perhaps he’s being purposely crass—he wants a reaction from you, wants to feel your emotions bubble over and spill at his feet.

“Oh fuck,” you squeak below him as he continues to press into you, his cock hot and angry, his weight heavy upon your back. “I want that, god fuck I want your babies, b-but it’s so…” your thoughts trail away as the mental image becomes too much to handle—you, pregnant and showing, growing the Commander’s child in your womb.

Erwin relents, pulling his aching cock from your cunt. He smooths his hands over your body, warm and affectionate, coddling you as he repositions to have you face him.

“It’s too much…” your voice is soft, eyes blinking away the treacherous emotions that have settled into your psyche.

“Look at me.”

He says your first name as he pets your cheek, the taste of the syllables like sin on his tongue.

“I want you,” he asserts, latching his lips to yours to prove his point, “more than you'll ever know, darling. You’re mine. You always have been.”

He plucked you away from the Military Police the moment he laid eyes on you; requested a direct transfer to have you working below him, for him. Then he got inside of you, felt every raw desire and built an unwavering trust. Every time he’s fucked you, he’s been discreet, kept you away from prying eyes. Now he wants all eyes on you, on him, on how he’s taken you.

Gently, he peels the tatters of your shirt from your breasts, placing hot, long licks along your nipples. You buck against him, brave hands tangling in his hair and pulling at the roots.

Taking his time with you almost feels foreign. Every fuck has been to satisfy the obession inside of him, a whirlwind of potent feelings and lust. Claiming you in the dark, a palm over your mouth, his fingers on your tongue and in your cunt.

Now he kneels before you, experienced hands unbuckling the worn scout leathers from your thighs, kissing at the grooves left behind in your tender skin.

You awaken the most primal of needs inside of him—to have, to claim, to breed.

The lines of his roman nose disappear between your legs, skimming along the folds of your pussy as he licks along your slit.

“Erwin, please…” Naked, you sigh with the utmost content, head tilting back as you fall prey to all the emotions swirling in your gut.

“Please what, darling? Use your words, tell me what you want.”

Gazing from between your thighs on his cheekbones, your slick on his tongue, his cock throbs against his pants as he watches the faintest of tears pool on the apples of your cheeks.

He loves ruining you, overloading you with so much passion that it becomes visible.

“Breed me. I want to feel you cum inside of me.”

“Are you sure you’re prepared for this?” He rises to loom over you, tugging your body against his, his clothes sticking to your soft, dewy skin. “I will fill you until you can take no more, fuck you as many times as it takes to breed you properly.”

Pupils dilated and dark, you nood, fisting your fingers around the leather strap that clings to his pectorals.

“Please…make me yours, all yours.”

Erwin slots between your plush thighs, golden hair falling against his brow as he shoves his cock back into your depths, groaning at the feel of you spreading for him.

His size is to his advantage as he consumes you, bucking hips and bouncing you along his shaft. The boldness inside of you is growing, he can feel it in the way you move against him—hungry, greedy, eager to take everything he can give.

A hand grips meanly into your thigh, while the other traces up your back, coming to rest on your jaw, keeping your gaze smoldering into his. He moves ruthlessly inside you, hips snapping against yours with every sharp, deep thrust. Little sounds leave your lips with every plunge, blissful tingles stemming from where your bodies were conjoined. He adores how he can feel the head of his fat cock dragging along your tight walls, thick veins throbbing under silken skin.

A coil of pleasure begins to tighten within his lower stomach, boiling in his balls, hot and mean, like it is ready to tear and erupt with a rush of ecstasy. You moan his name like a prayer, eyes closed tightly as you focus on the intensity of his cock thrusting inside you.

“Everyone will know,” he murmurs against your wet lips, stealing your breath, “your babies will look just like me.”

He knows how to play you, circling your clit so perfectly with his thumb that you’re already shaking. Your lower belly clenches, all the euphoria rushing to your head and making you feel drunk.

“God you get so fucking tight,” Erwin grunts at the feel, starting the kind of brutal pace that told you he was already aiming for the finish line, ready to fill you up and watch you drip just so he could do it all over again.

Everything is burning, like a warm, wet glow between your legs, filled to the brim with him. You gasp and moan, little sounds you just can’t help, too overwhelmed. He stretches you so wide that you feel breathless, tears leaking down from the corners of your eyes.

“Good girl, let it all out. I’ll take care of you, promise.”

“G-gonna cum, Erwin, fuck…”

“Me too.”

His hips still for a moment so you can both feel the way his cock pulses, forcing his seed deep into your womb. The heat breaks you along with his thumb on your clit, making you cry into his chest as you fall over the edge. Your pussy is a milking compression around him, squeezing every last drop of his cum. There’s too much to keep in, hot seed dribbles out over your pussy and around his cock to paint the inside of your thighs and make a mess against his desk.

But he doesn’t stop.

His cock is still hard and twitching inside of you, fat and heavy as he starts to push back deeper into you. Your head dips forward against his shoulder, one of his hands holding your neck while the other splays across your belly before moving lower. Two fingers slide along the folds of your cunt, spreading around his intrusive cock so he can feel his leaking cum.

“Feels so good,” you mumble, “your cum feels so fucking good.”

Erwin groans, lifting his messy fingers to your agape mouth. You take them in without question, sucking at the taste of cum and slick pooling against your tongue. He keeps your mouth stuffed with the digits, allowing you to scream around them as he picks up his pace.

He’s a man determined, sight sets on a goal. He promised to breed you, and he will. No matter how many batches of cum it takes for his seed to take hold.

The squish of his cum spurting with every thrust is mesmerizing, breathtaking, and he can’t help but marvel at the sight of his pretty little girl taking in his cum. You’re a mess, streaked with tears and cum, spit dripping down your chin as you choke around his cum stained fingers.

Erwin removes his fingers from between your lips, angling you back so he can watch your tits bounce with every plunge of his cock. Brushing wet knuckles over your breast, he tugs on your nipple until you mewl.

“C-Commander,” he’ll never tire of hearing his title in your mouth, “I want more.”

“More what, darling? Tell me.”

“More cum, god, fuck I want to drown in it.”

In the back of his mind, Erwin is distinctly aware of sounds outside of his office door, shuffling feet and whispers. But nothing could stop him, not even God Himself could bust into the room and remove Erwin from you. He has you where he’s always wanted you—panting, weeping, begging for him to breed you, to keep you.

He tugs you against him, using you like a little cocksleeve made to suck his cock dry.

“One more,” he groans, “give me one more, darling. Let me feel you cum for me.”

You nod like you have any choice, pulling your thighs up farther so you can lay flat against his desk and take his onslaught.

Long fingers circle back to your puffy clit, rolling the tender bud until you can no longer keep quiet. The feel of you is electric, spiraling, pussy spasming against him, slick gushing with every crest of pleasure that comes over your body. Your climax has you splitting apart, and also sucking him in so deeply that he can't help but to pour his load into you.

Erwin finally pulls his still throbbing cock from your cunt. You are ruined, the tightening of your belly in the aftershocks of your orgasm making cum continuously bubble out of your hole, drooling onto the edge of the desk and into his floor.

“You look so perfect covered in my cum.”

Erwin’s fingers are quickly back between your legs, making you whine as his fingertips glide over your swollen clit. He trails his fingers down your thighs, gathering what cum is still traveling down your legs. He pushes the lost cum back inside of you, making your back arch at the oversensitive feeling. Over and over again, he repeats the motion, taking his time to gather every viscous droplet and push it back into your quivering cunt.

“I expect you to meet me in my room tonight, understood?”

“Of course, sir.”

#erwin smut #erwin x reader #erwin smith #tw:breeding #aot erwin #erwin smith smut #aot x reader #aot smut #attack on titan #erwin smith x reader #erwin smith x you #erwin x y/n #erwin x you

1K notes · View notes

snoopyana · 4 months

Text

yale.

“ she can’t do nothing but yale. “

he had you pinned down, face squished into the pillows. the sound of muffled moans and skin slapping together filled the room. his phone propped up on the nightstand — recorded a video for his distant girlfriend. as a little hint that he wasn’t coming home tonight.

na jaemin. smut.

the whole ground under you shook as some drill song played, bass boosted to the max. gripping the red cup in your hand, it had been maybe.. 2 hours since you got here.

it wasn’t enjoyable.

looking around, you tried to make out your friends. you already knew that mark left, from his slurred text messages. but you had no idea where hyuck or johnny was. maneuvering your way through the crowd, you stumbled into the kitchen. reaching for the fridge, praying there was waterbottles — because you definitely weren’t sober enough for your liking.

fumbling through the fridge, you failed to realize the man standing next to you. watching you. grasping onto a small plastic bottle. you emerged from the fridge, satisfied with your find. looking to your left, that’s finally when you saw him.

startled, almost losing your already horrible footing, you stepped back. “oh my god…nana you scared me.” gripping onto your chest for dear life, you quickly compose yourself again. popping the bottle open, chugging it. mumbling under your breath, “god i needed that.”

“How you doing yn?” focusing back on jaemin, you realized this is your first time seeing him tonight. “good, could be better.” pausing for a moment “when did you get here?” he was leaning on the counter now, you standing in front of him. “not more than twenty minutes ago.” he yelled slightly, trying to drown out the music.

“ah, well are you enjoying it?” you asked him, shifting your weight, foot to foot. “not really, i was planning on leaving, then i saw you pushing through the crowd.” looking forward, you realized he was making direct eye contact. a smile creeping onto his face.

“i was actually gonna leave too, i just needed a little drink that wasn’t alcohol.” massaging your temple, there was a comfortable silence between you two. if you take out the music that is. “i can take you home.” jaemin spoke up, as he was still sober. you on the other hand, you couldn’t remember how many times you refilled your now discarded cup.

“yeah, i’d appreciate that, thanks nana.” and with that, he was leading you to the front door, holding onto your waist, keeping you from getting swept into the crowd. the cold air hit you like a storm, unsure what the time was. but it was dark. probably around midnight.

he didn’t let go of your waist until you were in his car. the gesture making you heat up. or maybe it was the alcohol that still lingered in your system. the ride was nice, it consisted of you telling him where to turn, and you guys laughing when he still ended up taking a wrong turn.

“gosh nana, you’d think you’re the drunk one with how you’re driving . “ a ten minute drive turned into a 40 minutes. but you weren’t complaining, he had a blanket in his car. which you used as you curled up in his passenger seat.

you weren’t necessarily tired, just a little out of it. Jaemin took notice of that, freeing one of his hands to snake under the blanket, rubbing your leg. you had been wearing green cargo pants, a gray fitted shirt and a black zipup. nothing too fancy, but he liked how it looked on you.

not minding his hand, as physical contact was something he did often, you stared out the window. seeing your apartment complex come into view. parking in the lot, he came around and opened the door for you. His hands find their way back to your waist as you lead him to the lobby. opting for the elevator, it was a quiet ride to the 7th floor. breathing and the rumble of the machine filling your ears.

a bing broke the silence, and you stepped out in unison. feeling around your pockets, searching for your keys. finding them in your back pocket, brushing against jaemins stomach as you pulled them out. unlocking your door, you both kicked your shoes off.

“finally. somewhere quiet.” (not for long, but i digress—) you mumbled, stumbling over jaemins feet as he was still attached to you. “oh my bad.” he spoke, moving with you to the living. he sat down first, and you followed. resting your head on his shoulder, you pulled out your phone. ‘1:27AM’ blared on your screen as you scrolled through your notification inbox. a few texts from hyuck asking where you were.

jaemin did the same, but his inbox was filled by one person. his girlfriend. he hadn’t told her he was leaving(and that he didn’t plan on coming back.) she had been on his ass all week, about useless shit. not calling her enough when he was at work. not being able to read her mind when she wanted something and expecting him to know. blah blah blah. he was tired, and needed a change of scenery.

that’s when he saw you, and decided he was gonna do just that, get a change of scenery. so here you are — laying on your couch. his arm gripping around your waist, which seemed to be his favorite spot. this felt like cheating, it was cheating. but he was too deep in to turn back.

“how you feeling, yn?” he questioned, looking down at you as you scrolled through your phone. “pretty good now, thanks for taking me home.” placing your phone down, you looked up to meet his gaze. then it happened. he leaned down, kissing you. you knew he had a girlfriend, he knew he had a girlfriend. but her existence quickly was pushed out of your mind.

the small kiss turning into a makeout session. your lipgloss smeared on yours and his face. lip outlines all over his neck — hickeys on yours. it was getting more and more intense by the minute. the alcohol that still floated in your system being a big help. pulling away from his lips, you maybe eye contact.

“are you sure this is..okay?” you whispered. being answered with a head nod and a smile. “i’m sure, i need to get away from her anyway.” his lips were back on yours, as you straddled his lap. the tent in his pants becoming painful obvious.

without warning, you were picked up — your body quickly meeting your bed. he knew your apartment like the back of his hand, occasionally crashing here when he needed a break from her but this was the first time you guys ever touched like this.

his lips were back on yours. biting on your lips, earning a whine from you. his hands made his way down to your waist, this time opting to pull whatever you had on, off. breaking away, he looked at you. “can i continue?” he questioned in a hushed tone. a small “mhm” was all he needed, and your pants were thrown onto the floor, leaving your underwear. he continued to undress you, slowly.

every time he pulled off an article of clothing, he would plant soft kisses onto your skin — making your whole body shudder. until you were left in just your bra and panties. and he was hovering over you, fully clothed. something about that made you even more hot and bothered.

as you looked at him, his fingers wasted no time. slipping underneath your underwear. his index and middle forcing their way inside of your hole. an embarrassingly loud moan coming from out of your mouth. a sly smile on his face, he was enjoying this. a lot.

his fingers pumped in and out at a painfully slow pace. occasionally curling his fingers to hit that gummy part just right. his thumb working slow circles over your clit in the process.

meanwhile, you were falling apart. moaning his name, swears slipping out of your mouth. he loved it. watching you lose yourself with just his fingers. then he felt his phone buzz in his back pocket. remembering the problem that was always poking at his neck. using his free hand, he pulled out his phone. his fingers never once stopping their mini assault on your insides.

he answered her call. “hello?” yelling could he heard from the other end, but he didn’t care for what she was saying. putting her on speaker, he threw his phone onto the bed. leaning down towards you ear. “be loud babe, i want to shut her up.” and with that, his fingers moved faster. your moans filling the room. repeatedly whining out “ah jaemin! please..” as he continued to pick up the speed.

she went silent. was she actually hearing this rn? his girlfriend started screaming even louder into the phone. jaemin reached over, and hung up. as he did, you gripped onto his shirt. a knot forming in your core. “ m’ gonna cum jaemin.” and you did. the male fucked you through your high.

she was calling again, before answering jaemin placed kisses on your forehead. “tell me when its too much.” he flipped you onto your stomach, face stuffed into your pillows. unbuckling his pants, he got onto the bed with you. his phone propped up against your lamp. he clicked record. sliding your panties off and unclicking your bra. he threw them to the side.

his brown hair fell over his face as he lined himself up with your hole. making sure both of your lower halves were in frame. with a swift motion, his hips were pressed against your ass. your moans being muffled by the abundance of pillows that decorated your bed.

“fuck..” letting out a groan as he bottomed out. taking a few moments before he began thrusting. your walls clenching around him as he stretched you out on his cock.

“ohh fuck. you never felt this good minyoung.” he groaned while speaking. his thrusts was a mix of long and slow, then fast and hard. making you go dumb underneath him. “fuck jaemin, ‘m gonna cum again..” was heard from beneath the pillows.

“go ahead, cum as many times as you please.” he whispered into your ear, helping you reach your climax once again.

the video was 50 minutes long. he laid with you in your bed. he was still fully dressed, while your naked body clung onto his. it was now 4:28AM. jaemin was cutting up the video into parts, sending them to his very angry girlfriend.

jaemin

‘hope you don’t mind, i had a little fun last night.’

he was left on open.

note- i wrote this in an hour. please cut me some slack if some parts don’t make sense. i had an idea and wanted to write it down as quick as possible!!

note #2- did some reformatting. same fic just more pleasing to look at. fic is now 100% proofread, if there’s still any mistakes, don’t be shy to tell me. 💗

#luvyujun #fanfic #kpop #nct #nct dream #jaemin #smut #kpop smut #renjun #mark lee #haechan #jeno #chenle #park jisung #nct 127 #nct smut #wayv

242 notes · View notes

lovelyjj · 2 months

Note

omfg so i have read a lot of jj fics and never once have i come across a fic where reader or oc is as unhinged as jj. like in s1 when jj finds the gun they’re all like omg that’s so bad put it down but what if reader was like that’s so dope!!! lemme see it bam bam and takes pics with jj and shit. idk and then when he’s holding the gun to toppers head she’s like WORK IT SMOOCHIE!!!! it just makes me giggle

No because I love this idea!! thank you for this!

The pogues would always be kept on their toes with you and JJ and your behavior. The two of you always getting into trouble and being adventurous. The rest of the pogues were pretty much used to it by now.

When John B found the motel key you were intrigued. You were convinced that it would lead to something exciting. When you tried to report the sunken boat and it failed, you and the pogues decided to check out where the key leads for yourselves.

It was a no brainer that you were going with John B and JJ into the room. JJ was your partner in crime. You weren’t gonna let JJ have all the fun without you.

The HMS Pogue landed on the shore by the motel. John B and JJ got out of the boat. You followed closely behind.

“Let’s go,” John B clapped JJ on the shoulder.

“Why are all these mattresses out?” John B pondered.

“After a hurricane, they ditch ‘em ‘cause they’re all moldy,” JJ answered.

You, JJ, and John B walked up to the room while JJ tried to convince John B that Kiara was into him.

“This is it.” John B announced.

“Okay.” JJ stated.

“Here we go,” you anticipated what was gonna be inside.

JJ knocked on the door and said in a high pitched voice, “housekeeping.”

John B unlocked the door and the three of you entered the room. You all started looking through things. John B was looking through a bag and JJ was looking at a jacket.

You went into the bathroom and scanned the area. JJ went over to the nightstand and found a map.

John B eventually got the safe open, “holy shit.”

“Uh… JJ, Y/N?”

“Hm?”

“You’re gonna want to see this.” John B insisted.

“Dude dude dude!” JJ excitedly said.

“Oh my god no way!” you exclaimed.

“You grabbed the gun,” John B was mad.

“This is a SIG Sauer.” JJ acknowledged.

“Put the gun back, JJ!” John B whispered yelled.

“This is a fucking spendy gatt, man.”

“Hey! Lemme see it please,” you voiced.

JJ gave you the gun and you felt powerful.

“Bam! Bam! Bam!” you held the gun out in front of you like you were gonna shoot it.

“Y/N, stop,” John B raised his voice.

“Take a pic of me.” you ordered.

“You wanna make our own incriminating evidence?” John B deadpanned.

“Fine I’ll do it myself, JJ get in here.”

You held up the gun in one hand and your phone in the other. You angled the camera so it could get you and JJ. You took some pictures. Then you set the phone on the nightstand and leaned it against the phone.

You put the phone on a timer and went back to back with JJ. You held the gun up near your face and took a couple photos like that.

“These are so sick!” you cheered as you looked at them.

All of a sudden you herd something from outside. John B looked out the window to see Kie and Pope. Then he looked out the window closest to the door. It was cops.

You hid outside the building on a ledge. When the cops left you all got out of there.

—————

Kiara’s idea for a kegger was a good one. You were excited to let loose and enjoy the party. JJ filled up a cup of beer for you which you gladly accepted.

The party was going well, you were dancing with JJ. When you wanted to take a break you went over to the keg. JJ got a drink for John B. But when he was going to give it to him Sarah and Topper walked by.

JJ offered the drink to Sarah, but then Topper said he’ll take it. That’s when a fight started to break out.

John B and Topper were getting into. Then it started to escalate. Topper was drowning him. You were scared because you knew John B could die at any moment.

JJ was getting worried as well. He knew he had to do something and do it fast. The only thing he could think of was the gun.

JJ pulled the gun on topper and pressed the gun to his temple.

“Yeah, you know what that is.”

“Get ‘em jayj!” you shouted.

“Give it to em good!” you yelled.

Everyone else was yelling at JJ to chill and to stop as well as to calm down. You however encouraged your boyfriend.

“You’re move, broski,” JJ warned.

Topper weakly said, “We’re good we’re good.”

Then JJ took matters into his own hands.

“Okay, everyone, listen up! Get the hell off our side of the island!” Then he fired the gun in the air two times.

“You tell em baby!” You raised your voice.

—————-

JJ had the brilliant idea to rob a drug dealer. Everyone gave him a lot of shit for it. They yelled at him and told him they were fed up with his bullshit.

You however encouraged him saying, “Barry deserves it.”

All in all, you and JJ together is a force to be reckon with. You’re both very brave and strong and truly unhinged.

186 notes · View notes

swallowtail-lotus · 2 months

Text

🔱Secret Lullaby {Poseidon x Goddess!Reader}🔱

Repost of my original post from my old blog.

God, just looking at him makes me want to kiss him 😍

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You sat in the middle of your greenhouse, patting a small bunny that hopped in your lap. You watched the past few rounds of ragnarok with sad eyes, feeling dread inside.

Being the God/Goddess of peace wasn't easy.

You love humans and everything on Earth, as it is your home. Before you went to Valhalla, you used to live in a forest where no human dared to set foot in unless If they wanted a death wish.

Of course, you never brought harm to humans but you eventually left after Zeus found you and offered you to live with the gods.

Being the secretive being you are, you agreed but only if no deity disturbs you when you wanted to be left alone and to never let them know of your secret place.

So far, no God or Goddess has ever found your greenhouse. Even if they bothered to try, they couldn't find it. This was due to one of your masking spells, which was more effective to deities compared to the humans.

Thinking back on how the gods have tried to get answers out of you, but failed due to your ability to slip away fast enough. Those thoughts escalated to your past, where you were once filled with joy.

With your mother, who had lost her life to another God.

"I miss you, mother. So very much."

You thought, wiping away tears that slowly trickled down your face. You looked down at the bunny, who looked up and sat up. It leaned against your chest, trying to lean its face towards yours. You lifted the small bunny up and felt its face nuzzle yours, an attempt to cheer you up.

"Ah, thank you. I feel better now."

You cooed softly, patting its head with a sad smile. You felt something nudge your leg, something hard. You leaned forward to see a small harp near your right foot and a grey bunny pushing it towards your foot.

You held your hand over the harp, watching it levitate towards your hand. The grey bunny hopped on your right leg, nuzzling your waist while the white bunny copied the grey bunny.

"Such cuties."

You mumbled softly, watching them get comfortable on your lap and stopped to lay down. Your fingers hovered over the strings of your harp, slightly shaking from the sadness building up.

"Hope you're hearing this, mother..."

You muttered under your breath, strumming your harp slowly. Closing your eyes, you let yourself drown in the melodic music from your strumming. You opened your lips to sing quietly.

Soon, the animals in your greenhouse started to gather around, watching and listening to your voice. Then, the plants started swaying slowly to the music. At the end of the lullaby, a voice brought you out of your thoughts.

"What are you doing?"

Your eyes shot open at the sudden voice, growing wider when you saw who it was.

It was none other than Poseidon, the Sea God himself.

You stared at the God before you, internally panicking, mainly about how he knew of your greenhouse. You placed the harp down nervously, fiddling with your fingers.

"I-I was just playing a lullaby. Umm, how did you find my greenhouse?"

You squeaked out, feeling yourself shrink smaller when the God took a few steps forward, not too close to you.

"... It wasn't hard to follow you. I've known for a long time."

He answered, his emotionless face along with his voice sending chills down your spine. You knew very well he never speaks much to any being, even to his brothers. So him speaking to you now of all times baffled you. Truth be told, he has spoke to you more times than anyone else. But hearing him ask about your main hobby was strange.

The reason behind that was most likely because you were a Ruler, the Ruler of Nature.

"So you have. Never expected less from you, of course."

You spoke, gripping your clothes so tightly. Poseidon raised his eyebrows slightly, his shoulders dropping.

"....."

He kept silent, staring down at you with his dull eyes. Your head was down, but you knew he was staring. The sound of his boots clicking away got your attention. You held the bunnies close to you, standing up from your seat.

"See you, Lord Poseidon."

You whispered. Poseidon stopped at the entrance of your greenhouse, giving you the side eye glance.

".... Goodbye."

Those was the last words he let out before leaving. You stood in silence, a confused look on your face.

"What just happened?"

#record of ragnarok x reader #record of ragnarok poseidon x reader #ror x reader #snv x reader #poseidon x reader

167 notes · View notes

auras-moonstone · 9 months

Text

hits different — ethan landry

word count: 1,464

pairing: ethan landry x fem!reader

summary: ethan starts to feel insecure in his relationship with y/n so he breaks up with her, leaving her a mess for the first time.

author’s note: i literally wrote this in ten minutes. i don’t know why i write faster when it’s not a request 😫 i hate myself. i promise i’m working on the requests but i’m having writer’s block with them 😬.

Y/N HAD A REPUTATION THAT PRECEDED HER. She only had had one boyfriend, and moved on pretty quickly with another guy. She hadn’t been in a serious relationship since, just mere casual Kens she would switch and then ghost after a couple of weeks of dating.

Hence why Chad was so hesitant when the girl told him her and Ethan were going on a date. “Y/N, why him? He’s the sweetest guy ever, I don’t want you to break his heart”

“Chad, he’s not a baby” Y/N laughed. “He knows how this works, and he was the one who asked me out. So, relax”

“Fine, just be nice” Chad warned her.

“I’ll be extra nice” she winked, making him do a face of disgust.

“Ready?” Ethan asked nervously as he walked down the stairs. He was wearing one of his adorable collared shirts, jeans and a jacket. “You look beautiful”

“Thanks, Eth” she blushed, and Chad looked at her in surprise. Y/N blushing? That was new. “You look very handsome, as always”.

“Okay. Bring him before curfew, okay?” Chad said jokingly.

“Of course, sir. I’ll bring him before midnight” she followed the act.

“Stop it you two. Let’s go, Y/N/N” Ethan grabbed his date’s hand and led her through the door.

Soon after their date, they started dating. Everyone noticed there was something different with Y/N this time, she actually seemed invested in the relationship. No one could deny that sparks flew around the couple every time they were together.

As it had always been before, people still flirted with Y/N—only she didn’t seem to be interested. She would always brush everyone off. Yet, Ethan couldn’t help but feel insecure. In his eyes, everyone was a better match than him and he was waiting for the time Y/N would walk towards him and tell him their time was over. So, instead of being brave and express his fear, he chose the cowardly route and broke things off before she could.

Gossip travelled fast, and no one could believe it until Y/N’s appearance pretty much gave it away. No one had ever seen her in such devastating demeanour after a break-up.

“It’s okay, Y/N. Love is a lie, anyways” one of her friend told her. “There’s a party tomorrow, why don’t you come? It could help you get your mind off… things”.

Y/N sighed “I’ll think about it”.

SHE DID END UP GOING TO THE PARTY, ONLY TO WASH HER HANDS OFF THE MEMORIES OF THE FAILED RELATIONSHIP. She planned on gluing herself to the drink table and drown in alcohol until she could forget about the tall boy with brunette curls that haunted her mind all day.

“Oh, okay. Holy shit” Chad said when he caught her drinking a can of beer in one sip “He really made a mess of you” he whispered.

“What?” Y/N shouted, not being able to hear because of the music. “Wait… Chad! What are you doing here? I didn’t know you were coming”

“Oh, you’re very drunk, jesus” he muttered. “Yeah, I came with E-“ Chad stopped himself, definitely not a good idea to say his name.

But Y/N wasn’t dumb, she knew exactly what he was going to say “With Ethan. Where is he? No! Actually, please don’t tell me. I don’t want to know if he’s with other girl… but is he? Oh god, I’m going to throw up”

Chad held her hair as she kneeled in front the nearest toilet. “I’ve never seen you like this… moving on was always easy for you”

Y/N started crying “Because they were not him, Chad. It hits different because it’s Ethan”

“Okay, okay. You’ll be fine” he hugged her as she sobbed. “Where are your other friends? The ones you came with?”

“They left me, said I was slurring his name too much”

“Do you want to go home?” Chad asked.

She was about to respond when the tune that started to sound caught her attention. It was Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! by Abba. The song she and Ethan always sang their lungs out to while they drove around the city. “They’re playing our song, Chad”

“Oh, god. We’re definitely going”

“Nothing has ever felt so wrong. Why did he break up with me? I though he would be the one” her glossy eyes and crest fallen expression made Chad feel sad.

“I don’t know, Y/N. I thought the same thing” Chad said in all honesty as he guided her to his car. He laid her on the backseats and closed the door.

“Chad? What are you doing?” Ethan looked at him confused. “You forced me to come to this party and now you’re leaving?”

“It’s an emergency”

“What’s wrong? Who is in the backseat?” Ethan asked confused.

“Um… it’s Y/N”

Ethan froze, the mention of her name made him vulnerable “Is she okay?”

“She’s just drunk… she threw up. I’m taking her home”

“I’m going with you” Ethan said, walking to the passenger seat.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea. I don’t know why you broke up with her, and is not the best time to discuss it, but she’s hurting a lot”

“She is?” his voice already unstable.

“Yeah. Look, if you are coming to fix things, then get in. If you plan on going just to leave again, please don’t” Chad said. “I’m just going to say this, pretty much everyone in college noticed it, but she loves you, Ethan”.

Ethan didn’t hesitate to open the door and get inside the car. He had been stupid, but he was going to explain himself and hope Y/N would take him back.

Y/N WAS SLEEPING ON HER ROOM, AND ETHAN WAITED ALONE IN THE LIVING ROOM, REHEARSING THE SPEECH HE HAD MENTALLY PREPARED. And then his attention was caught by an artifact laying on the furniture, next to the TV. It was the necklace he had gifted her on her birthday, it had a locket the shape of a heart and inside was a picture of them. He took it in his hands delicately and cried. He cursed the space he thought he needed—he missed her more than words could describe.

“I cried over your hat the other day” Y/N’s voice resonated in the room. Ethan brushed the tears off and looked at her, even with her mascara all smudged and her messy hair, she was still the most gorgeous girl he had set his eyes on. “I suppose you’re here to talk… and although a part of me is just in desperate need of kicking you out, I want to know what went wrong. Because I’ve been trying to make it make sense ever since you walked out from here that night, but I just can’t”.

“That’s because you did nothing wrong. It’s all me, in my head” Ethan finally said, putting his hand on the cushion next to him, signalling her to sit down.

“What do you mean?” she asked, sitting next to him. It had been so long since they were this close. She missed those eyes and hair she had only been seeing in her dreams.

“I got insecure… every popular, handsome guy would flirt with you and I just thought… that’s it. Y/N is going to realize she’s out of my league and leave me. And I couldn’t bare to listen to that…”

“So you broke up with me?” Y/N asked in disbelief.

Ethan nodded, absolutely embarassed “I know I basically put you in jail for something you didn’t do. But the voices in my head were so loud… I’m sorry about how I handled things”

“I understand” she said after a while.

“You do?”

Y/N nodded “I just wished you’ve talked to me, so I could tell you that you’re the one that I want. I would’ve fought your doubts and show you that I love you, only you”

“I’m sorry that I hurt you” his voice broke. “Will you forgive me?”

“Only if you promise me you’ll come to me when you have these thoughts” she said, grabbing his hand.

“I promise” Ethan intertwined their fingers “Are you still mine?”

“I’m still yours” Y/N smiled and climbed onto his lap to give him a hug. They both cried in each other’s arms. “I love you, Eth”.

“I love you too” he smiled against her chest. “Not that I don’t enjoy your hugs, but why aren’t you kissing me right now?”

“Because I threw up a couple of times” she laughed. “I’m going to take a shower”.

“Okay, I’ll make you something to eat” Ethan smiled, not getting the hint.

“Babe, I’m kind of inviting you to join me”

And then Ethan took her hand and dragged her upstairs so fast they almost tripped.

#ethan landry #ethanlandry #ethan landry fluff #ethan landry drabble #ethan landry fic #ethan landry oneshot #ethan landry x y/n #ethan landry x you #ethan landry x reader #scream iv #scream fanfic #scream 6 #scream movies

465 notes · View notes

ithinkitsleon · 4 months

Text

a/n: idk what this is, i think i got divine motivation from the holy trinity to write something, this is a little draft tho, i may write some more things later and i didnt use the translator so my apologies for incoherent sentences or grammar mistakes

obs: pure angst or anything similar, i decided to write this just bc i would take care and defend leon with all i have (a pair of headphones and a lip gloss), i love this man so much and the fact that i could gobble & savor him like a meal in seconds makes me [inaudible noises] + i go feral over men crying

you and Leon were arguing a few minutes ago about some stupid things he was doing around the house like letting wet towels sit soaked on the bed, all kinds of clothes thrown on the floor that went from shirts to socks and underwears.

you told Leon he looked like a little boy who still needed to be supervised by his mother. Leon shouted back saying you are so annoying that makes him want to rip his hair off his head and die, still he wasn't entirely lying, you could really be insufferable sometimes.

but that in some way hurt you. as a quick response you said you wished you had never met him, that made the poor guy go silent for a couple seconds and he didn't take much to burst into tears and run to his room to lock himself there and lay on his bed until he disappeared inside the mattress.

Leon's life was falling apart since his position as a rookie working on RPD was getting to his nerves, when he had to deal with stupid paperwork, sweeping and mopping the floor all the time, delivering cups of coffee and it got worse when he needed to listen to his boss screaming at him for nothing at all, just for the fun of humiliating young cops. and he thought having you by his side could help him go through hell and back.

but when Leon met you, the first thing that crossed his mind was that God decided to take pity on him and sent and angel to take care of him. you are his safe place, his font of energy when he feels down or tired, you are his light, that showed him the right way avoiding him to drown in his own obsessive and negative thoughts. Leon loved you. in the purest and genuine way you could ever imagine. he was willing to do anything for you. he would die for you, kill for you, lie for you, he would do and any possible and impossible thing to show you his value. even humiliate himself like he did when you found him drunk with his face soaked in tears, sitting on the floor of the garage at the police station begging you to give him a chance.

now Leon was laying on his bed, all curled up in his heavy white blanket, desperately crying his heart out wondering why you said that to him, was he such a terrible person after all ? maybe you were right. maybe he let his troubled life interfere on his attempts of building the relationship of his dreams with you. maybe. he'll never know.

from outside the room you could hear the loud and agonizing sobs that left his throat whenever he tried to recompose himself, failing on the next minute when he started crying again this time choking on his own saliva and coughing right away. seeing Leon like this made you feel awful, you loved him back too but the reason why you acted so bossy and with authority almost all the time was just because you wanted to take care of Leon like a mother, not in a creepy way obviously, you just wanted to see him doing well and being capable of dealing with his professional life at the same time he needed to hold his head in place doing simple house tasks. you decided to let Leon rest for the rest of the day leaving him unbothered.

it's not the first time that arguing like this happened with you two. you avoided at maximum to not argue with Leon, he hates serious discussions and you know that. the only thing that's left for you now is to come up with a excellent excuse to calm him down.

otherwise you'll never see Leon Kennedy in your life again, after completely shattering his little heart that took him lots of time to recollect some parts, now it would take him almost an eternity to stop himself to think and feel like a total loser.

(just saying that i decided to write leon mopping and sweeping floors bc i remembered that here in brazil the rookies that join the army most of the time paint sidewalks and trim trees 🚶‍♀️🚶‍♀️)

185 notes · View notes

soobnny · 11 months

Text

i hate that man — kim seungmin.

trope. enemies to lovers. college au. fluff. seungmin being a menace.

synopsis. the four times you think you hate seungmin, and the one time you think that might not have been true after all

word count. 5.5k words

warnings. a joke about jumping out the window, crying over a failed test exam, curse words

author’s note. inspired by that tiktok audio!! u know which one i’m talking about. credits to a dialogue i got from here (ur thoughts n feedbacks r always appreciated)

one.

Kim Seungmin is not your favorite person.

He is infuriating in the way he enjoys invading your personal space, always hovering around and blabbering his mouth nonstop every chance he gets. It doesn’t help his case (not that he wants to defend it in the first place) that he finds joy in hiding your things from you. You’d be damned if you left your notebook, even a pen, on your desk unattended. You already know the culprit is seated directly behind you, and the only thing you can do is ignore him in hopes that he returns it to you unscathed.

It’s much easier to not understand the reasons for why he annoys you. You would hate to find the truth behind his actions for the fear that he did it simply because he wanted to. This would only mean there was nothing to resolve to get him to stop.

Or worse, that he hates you. You admit with shame that you thought you’d actually get along quite well with Seungmin when you first met him. It felt like a scene straight out of a movie, playful banter and soft smiles directed to each other and the hopes of meeting each other again. It was honestly like a fairytale — until it wasn’t.

And you’ve tried before, to find out. You’ve made sufficient efforts in scouring for answers as to why he was that way with you, going as far as to asking Hwang Hyunjin (as embarrassing as that turned out to be). But, you had come out of all that empty-handed. So, you leave the unknown unknown and since then decided to just endure it. But it still has you wondering from time to time, had you burned down an orphanage in your past life to deserve this? Had you done something so sinister to be plagued by the presence of Kim Seungmin on a daily basis?

So, while you don’t necessarily hate the boy, you’d go as far as to say he was probably your least favorite person. And that notion weighs heavy considering you know resident menace Choi Beomgyu.

Still, Choi Beomgyu had nothing on Kim Seungmin so he’d have to accept being second to the last on your self-proclaimed list.

Speaking of the devil.

Seungmin parades into your classroom like he owns the place, laughing aloud side by side his friends. You simply drown out his obnoxiousness, the way you always do, though it never works considering it’s apparently his top priority to get on your nerves.

“Another Mcdonalds takeout?” He inquires, picking up the discarded paper bag on your desk to look inside. “You really should stop eating this junk so early in the morning.”

“Wow, keep saying things like that and I’ll start to believe you’re starting to care about me.” You abruptly grab the bag from his hands, moving to the back of your classroom to throw your trash properly before the professor walks in.

“Don’t be silly.” He simply laughs, taking his seat on your desk. “What do you even order?”

“Food, obviously.”

“No shit, Sherlock. What food specifically?”

“Why do you ask?”

“Can’t I ask a simple question?”

You know he won’t leave you alone if you don’t answer him. And you hate that you know that. So, with a begrudging sigh, you answer the boy. “Just nuggets and a Big Mac, now get off my desk.”

“Since you asked so nicely.” He’s being sarcastic, evident in how it’s obnoxiously dripping down his tone, but you can’t find it in you to care. As long as he’s out of your hair for a few minutes.

And you almost think the Gods have answered your prayers when you don’t come across him for the rest of the day. Something about that tells you there is a silver lining for the day, even if it is only ever a little line. You would hate to be blessed with his presence atop the Chemistry test you had at 7pm.

It’s one of the few advantages to signing up for night classes. The college halls were usually dead this hour, save for a few students on their way to the library after having their fifth cup of coffee for the day. And the lack of Kim Seungmin. It’s one sacrifice, giving up hours of your night, but honestly it really isn’t as bad as people make it out to be. Especially when your professor always ends early in consideration of those who still had to commute back home — they had to catch the last train somehow.

To replace Seungmin, you had Yang Jeongin in your class, but he usually kept to himself more. He was a lot more civilized than his friend, and you’ve been hoping this would’ve at least rubbed off on Seungmin.

“You ready for the test?” Jeongin asks after you had taken your seat next to him. The first thing you discern is the lack of textbooks and notes on his desk compared to everyone else’s pathetic attempt to review last minute. It seems he’s given up like you did.

“Absolutely the fuck not. I haven’t even eaten dinner yet so this is going to be a disaster.” You laugh, dropping your bag down on the ground just as your professor walks in. Jeongin is on his phone for the rest of the free time you have left before test papers and answer sheets were distributed.

It’s a horrible hour and a half, and the difficulty of the test makes you want to fall to your knees and weep. The lack of dinner in your stomach doesn’t exactly help your case as by the last few minutes of the test, you couldn’t care less about why you use ammonium oxalate to precipitate Calcium and Magnesium. The only thing in your head is a picture of your go-to Mcdonalds order as you pass your paper.

A jumpscare greets you on your way out in the form of Kim Seungmin who is holding a Mcdonalds paper bag in his hands, the same one you had just been daydreaming about.

“Jesus fucking Christ.” The sight of the boy spikes up your blood pressure, and you have to pause in your step to catch your breath after not having dinner, suffering through a long test, and seeing Seungmin all within the span of a few hours.

Though, what he does next surprises you.

“I ordered too much for Innie so you can have this, I guess.” He mumbles, shoving the brown paper bag in your direction. It scorches your fingers as you reached to grab it before it can fall to the ground.

It was a strange sight for Seungmin to be giving you something without asking. Strange and funny for it had occurred to you that if someone were to tell you Seungmin would be your stomach’s knight in shining armor, you wouldn’t have been able to believe yourself.

“Oh, thanks? You didn’t… poison this, did you?”

“How little do you think of me?” He simply walks away before you can reply to him again.

You scrunch your nose in confusion, leaning down to look into the contents of the Mcdonalds paper bag he had just given you.

Nuggets and a Big Mac.

Was this also Jeongin’s go-to order?

When you look back up, said boy greets you with french fries stuffed in his mouth. There’s a hint of a smirk that’s barely visible from his puffed out cheeks.

“You know, you can be really stupid.” Jeongin giggles to himself, patting down your head and messing with your hair a little before waving you goodbye. “Bye (name)!”

You simply stare at their retreating figures, head tilted as you try to drink in what Jeongin had just told you.

Stupid about what? The test?

two.

What is the connotation of a very thrilled Kim Seungmin walking into the campus library as you’re struggling with your part for your joint project?

You’re almost convinced something significant had happened for him to walk in with a shit-eating grin on his face, but you know better than that now. So, you simply ignore him, turning back to your laptop as Felix and Hyunjin greet the boy. He’s late, but knowing him, he’s probably finished his part of the project. You hate to acknowledge his competence, but you have to give credit where credit is due.

You could obviously ask for help, but you’d run through the streets naked first before ever asking the boy to help you. You refuse to be subjected to his taunting more than you already were. Besides, you don’t need help from someone like Seungmin. He’d probably be so arrogant about how you needed his help.

Rubbing your eyes for a split second, you go back to furiously typing at your laptop — so aggressively that Yeji has to pull you back for a bit in fear that you’d destroy your keyboard.

The five of you work on the project diligently, finishing the monstrosity of your synthesis paper for Life Science at almost one in the morning.

When everyone moves to leave, you stay behind, telling them you still had a few deadlines to catch up on, namely a Statistics paper and a book review for your English Literary class. While it wasn’t exactly due yet, it doesn’t hurt to start them when the pump of coffee is already in your system.

“See you guys tomorrow!” You say in a hushed tone, waving at the group before moving your attention back on your laptop.

And maybe it’s the sleep deprivation getting to you but you don’t notice Seungmin still situated at the opposite end of your table.

He doesn’t say anything either. He knows you’re running 50% coffee and 50% restlessness, so he simply sits back in his chair with a book in hand.

He could use the time to annotate anyway.

When Seungmin glances back at you thirty minutes later, he can only watch in amusement when he finds you close to passing out on the wooden table of the library. Your eyelids are starting to droop, and even though it seems you’re trying your hardest to fight it, you find that your sleeved arm is far too comfortable to refuse.

He immediately puts down his book, moving across the table to wake you up. It seems the appropriate time to tell you to go home and get some rest.

When you don’t respond to the gentle shake of your shoulder, he choose the next best thing to wake you up. With a text book in hand, he drops it on the space right beside your head, creating a loud enough sound to jolt you in your sleep.

“Come on. We’re going home. You’re a lost cause, anyway.”

“Fuck you.” You grumble sleepily, sitting up and squinting at your laptop before shutting it down so you can start packing up.

“I’m flattered, really, but no thanks.”

You scoff, and he simply smirks in response as he helps you put your things back in your bag.

“Why are you still here anyway?” It’s a question you’ve been meaning to ask him since you finally noticed him an hour back, but you chose to bite down on your tongue and stay silent instead.

He shrugs. “Had to annotate this book, and I’m already at the library so I might as well.”

“Okay, whatever.” You move to grab a pen that had fallen on the ground carelessly, and in the process, you feel your head collide with Seungmin’s hand instead of the harsher corner of the table.

You see red almost immediately. You hate to admit the small gesture has butterflies erupting in your stomach.

He doesn’t say anything as he pulls his hand back, so you don’t make a big deal out of it.

“What time is it?”

“Almost 4 in the morning.”

You hum, thinking of how you were gonna get back to your dorm. It was probably still dark outside, and you weren’t exactly willing to put yourself in danger over finishing up a few schoolworks at the library.

“You can go ahead. I’ll just text Ode to see if he’s still awake.”

“Why?” He quips, pausing to stand next to you outside the doors of the building when you stop walking.

“You’re gonna make fun of me.”

“There is a chance, yes. But I might not.” Seungmin smirks, and you roll your eyes.

“I don’t wanna walk alone in the dark.”

If Seungmin wants to laugh and poke fun, it seems he’s doing a good job at holding back. “Don’t disturb his sleep. I’ll walk you back instead.”

“Wow, you’re actually being nice to me for once.” You say jokingly.

“I won’t make a habit out of it. Besides, I was the last person seen with you and I don’t wanna be responsible if you go missing.”

There goes being nice.

This is how you end up walking home with Kim Seungmin. You don’t remember much about the walk home, just the proximity from where he’s walking next to you and the warmth radiating from him in contrast to the cold night. He has his hands in his pockets the whole way home, and it’s the little details like what seems to be the first genuine smile you see from him that you remember the most.

When you reach your dorm, he simply stares at you in a way you’re not used to before bowing and turning around his step to start walking back to his own dorm.

three.

A month later, Chan from your university’s basketball team decides to host a party at his house.

Being friends with half of his friends had its perks in that he enthusiastically invites you when you walk past him by your department’s hallways. And while you had every intent to decline his offer, Ryujin had already accepted for you and told him he’d be seeing you both there.

And by 8pm, you find yourselves inside his packed house, trying to navigate your way through drunken college kids. The entire first floor reeked of alcohol and sweat which wasn’t a great combination by all means.

The music is loud from Chan’s speakers, and you immediately want to go home and jump into the comforting sheets of your bed to sleep the night away. Ryujin doesn’t let you flee as she leads you to the kitchen where she tells you of where Chan hides his secret stash of snacks and ice cream. Another silver lining.

You spend an hour chatting and laughing on the kitchen counter with Ryujin, a spoonful of ice cream in your mouths as you make fun of multiple people’s dancing — not that any of you could do any better. Actually, scratch that, Ryujin could probably take them all on. You continuously ask if it was okay for you to be stealing these expensive tubs of ice cream and Ryujin just tells you she’s done it before, and that Bang Chan could most definitely afford some more if he wanted to. So, you continue to eat the ice cream without guilt.

Well, until Chan catches the pair of you, and you apologize profusely. He just laughs it off, looking at the two of you fondly before feigning a scolding. Turns out, he simply wanted you two to join him and his friends in a round of truth or dare upstairs.

Another thing to add and check off your non-existent bucket list. To be deemed sociable enough to be included in an exclusive circle of friend’s truth or dare despite only knowing around 4 people there. You think it might just be Ryujin’s doing, but you happily tag along to escape the mass of people downstairs.

When you make it upstairs, you’re surprised to see you know a lot more people than you thought you would. Yeji was there, seated beside who you think is Karina. Jeongin is with his friends, Seungmin included. Some of them you know, and some you just learned to be Jisung, Changbin, and Minho. The rest don’t really matter to you as you prop yourselves down in the circle.

And then a round of the game starts, and you start to question the things in this world that perplexed you. You used to think it were simple things — wet doorknobs, tuna fish, cramps, back pains. But after tonight, you might have to start modifying your own list. You can start with someone’s attempt to rap freestyle, the sight of a shirtless Han Jisung whom you’ve barely exchanged a word with but now have seen him half naked, the sudden knowledge of who was wearing a Spongebob themed underwear, someone (you believe was Minho?) roleplaying a scene from Zootopia. The list is endless.

Who knew a game of truth or dare could be this chaotic? Though, you probably should’ve known that especially being thrown into a group of such dynamic people.

Before you know it, the bottle lands on you and you’ve never wanted to wipe the smirk on Jeongin’s face so much than right now because you know he’s probably planning something that has to do with Kim Seungmin.

You think you can keep your anxiety at bay, that is until he starts whispering with Felix and Hyunjin and you swear that if someone opened the window right now, there’s a high chance you would make a run for it and jump and simply hope for the best.

“Don’t worry, it isn’t anything crazy! You can stop chewing on your nails.” You flush in embarrassment when the group laughs, and Ryujin runs a comforting hand down your back to make sure the attention isn’t too overwhelming for you.

“I dare you to hug Seungmin.”

“Excuse me?” You ask him to repeat his dare to you as if you hadn’t heard him. But you did. Loud and clear in fact.

The smirk on his face only grows. “I said, hug Seungmin.”

Okay, you know what, that should be simple. You sigh out in response before getting up from your seat to make your way towards where Seungmin’s situated, thankful he didn’t let you do anything as embarrassing as the others.

However, the closer you make towards where Seungmin is, wearing a top that accentuated his broad shoulders way too perfectly, and sporting a smug grin on his face, you start to think this might be the most difficult one of the night yet.

Seungmin stands in compliance to your dare, and you feel all eyes in the circle shift to the pair of you, as if anticipating it more than you.

His eyes survey you, as if to question if you were really gonna do it. And to egg you on further, he decides to open his arms wide which earns a few howls and whistles from the room. God, you hate him. You really really hate him.

And then you do it, just to get it over with, and Seungmin’s expression switches to a more taken back one. He didn’t expect you to actually push through with the dare. The longer the hug lasts, the more a ghost of a smile threatens to spill from his lips.

You have your arms wrapped around the entirety of his body, and his own resting just around your waist, and he’s crouched down a little so he can match your height better without you having to tiptoe so much.

When he presses you closer, the whole room erupts in cheers; vomiting air, nudging each other, and whistling.

Seungmin allows himself a quick glance at you, but there isn’t much to see when your face is pressed firmly against his chest. Perhaps to try and hide from the embarrassment of your friends shouting “get a room” even if you were just hugging.

He feels so warm in the air conditioned room, and it seems he didn’t have much to drink tonight when he smells more like fresh laundry and the perfume he always wears. This feels nice actually. But you would never tell him that. In fact, you have every intention of taking that observation to your grave.

When you finally notice the glances of friends and acquaintances alike around you, you pull back from the hug and immediately make your way back to your seat without another word.

You make a vow to yourself to get back at Jeongin for humiliating you like that — however, there’s a persistent voice in your head telling you that maybe you hadn’t minded that hug one bit the way you let on.

You ignore it.

four.

The sound of a shutter going off and a flash of light greets you immediately upon entering your classroom another month later.

It seems Seungmin’s found an upgraded way to annoy you (as if hiding your things wasn’t enough). With a new phone gifted to him on his birthday, he seems insistent on catching you when you’re unprepared. It makes you frustrated — as if he wasn’t enough of an irritant.

You should be used to Seungmin doing stupid things all the time, but even after months, you find that it really is a difficult task to endure. Why is he so intent on irritating you? You’re starting to seek for the answers you told yourself to stay unknown. How could you keep letting him be without knowing why he enjoys getting a rise out of you so much?

To add insult to injury, his loud voice greets you a good morning as he waves his phone around at you. You hope it falls and shatters.

Too far?

“What? Are you camera shy?” He smirks mischievously, turning to focus his camera back on you.

“At what point do you become mature?”

“Hm, not for a long time, I don’t think.” You have to remind yourself he’s provoking you for the sake of it, and you really shouldn’t be as affected as you feel right now. So, you breathe in sharply through your nose and just let him be.

When class ends, you’re quick to rant to Ryujin about Seungmin’s new discovery at getting a kick out of you.

“He won’t stop taking fucking pictures of me.” You mutter indignantly, putting all your frustration into your words.

“You know, they say you only take photos of things if you have love for the subject.”

“What are you trying to imply?”

“Just that there must be a reason why he’s so intent on having your face litter the memory of his new phone.” Ryujin smirks when your face starts to flush red at the realization of what she’s suggesting.

“Oh, shut up.” Your words don’t come out as intimidating as you want it to, and you spend the rest of the day thinking about it.

You confront Seungmin the next day, just so you can stop thinking about it. “Why are you taking so much photos of me?”

You’re already expecting that smirk on his face, and a feigned confusion. But, to your surprise, he looks genuinely surprised at your question. You’d go as far as saying he looked like a deer caught in headlights.

You’ve unknowingly caught his tongue, but he catches himself before you can catch on. With a half-assed smirk on his face, he says the best excuse that comes in his mind.

“Just so I have multiple material to use when I need to blackmail you.”

You’re appalled, and frustrated at yourself for thinking what Ryujin was hinting at might be true. You don’t even know why you were hoping in the first place. You don’t like the boy, right?

Your lips press into a straight line, and you swear your blood vessels might burst if you stare at him any longer so you storm back to your seat and ignore him for the rest of the day.

five.

There comes a point in the semester when all you’ll know is the quivering of your knees and the bloodshot red of your eyes from crying too much.

For you, it’s the result of a failed test score on a subject you studied really hard for.

You draw your knees up to press your face against them, finding solace in the quiet of the night outside. It’s early enough that you aren’t scared to walk home alone just yet.

You hear footsteps around you, but you simply drown them out in favor of focusing on washing out your frustration over yourself and that stupid test. Though, it proves a more difficult task when someone slides into the seat next to yours. When you look up, you see Seungmin staring at you. And he’s looking at you with an expression you don’t quite recognize, but equally don’t have the energy to try and deduce.

“Seungmin, I’m not really in the mood—“ He shuts you up with a handkerchief shoved in front of your face. “Why are you offering me a handkerchief?”

“Because you’re crying and seeing your stupid tears makes me upset. So wipe them away.” You stare at the handkerchief before studying his features for any hint of malice, but you see nothing but honest concern. You can’t help but feel a little touched at the uncharacteristic gesture.

“Thanks.” He hums, smiling gently down at you, and you think you’ve never seen him look this small before.

When you take the handkerchief from him, you make sure to return what looks like a trial of a smile amidst your scornful face and Seungmin is genuinely shocked you’d actually direct the closest thing to a smile at him — as if he had expected you to brush off his own and reject it.

When he shifts a little closer to where you’re seated, you surprisingly don’t feel repulsed at the distance and the way his shoulders brush against yours.

“Is it something you wanna talk about?”

The cold and quiet atmosphere of the night and the way Seungmin is looking down at you encourages you to speak, the way you never thought you would with the boy.

“Not really. Just… I’m so stupid for failing that test. And, and maybe if I studied harder than I would’ve at least gotten a more decent score.” You sigh, playing with the handkerchief as you look down in humiliation.

Seungmin scrunches his face. “It’s not your fault. We win some, we lose some. What matters is that we keep going despite the losses.”

He doesn’t snap back at you with a snarky remark like he usually would. Instead, he gives genuinely useful advice, and you think your ears could be deceiving you if he wasn’t seated directly next to you.

“Wow, I didn’t think you had it in you to say something like that.” You laugh a little, and you miss the way the tip of his ears heat in red at being able to solicit a laugh from you.

“You wound me.”

You don’t know what takes over you, but you find yourself leaning your head against his shoulder. For now, you’ll blame it on the exhaustion from crying so much earlier.

Your head against his body feels nice and comforting and warm against the biting air from the night, but you can feel him physically tense up at the contact and you almost pull your head back immediately if he hadn’t rested his head against yours.

The compromising position has Kim Seungmin in contemplation over something that’s been such a great concern in his life for the past few months, almost a year even. It had started when he met you, the first time he ever saw you and heard your voice, and the day he decided he’d spend every second thereafter trying to get your attention.

He mirrors the way you interact with your friends, and yet somewhere along the line, it had been misinterpreted into something it wasn’t and he had to live in pretense of irritating you when all he’s ever wanted was your attention. But, he thought, if this was the only way then he’d have to keep the facade up.

Besides, a little attention (even if it was with hatred) is better than none.

When Seungmin grows uncharacteristically quiet, you start to wonder what he could be thinking about and why there’s a small scrunch in his face as if he was deep in thought.

You never used to wonder what he could be thinking about. What’s changed?

“Seungmin?”

“Hm?”

“Why do you enjoy irritating me so much? Do you hate me?”

Seungmin peels his head from yours, staring down at you with a completely horrified look on his face.

“Hate you?” He feels nauseous that you could even think that, and he’s shaking his head quickly, compromising feelings he’s kept hidden for quite a while now. He’s so confounded by your statement that he gets up from his seat on the bench for a second to stare at you before calming down and returning back to his spot. “I don’t hate you. I— I could never hate you.”

You look at him, and you’re surprised to see that he’s genuinely astonished and a little upset at what you had just tried to imply.

“Then why?” You swallow down a lump in your throat, asking him in the smallest voice he’s ever heard from you. This was the perfect opportunity to ask him why, being handed to you straight on your lap, so you bite the bullet and ask.

“I actually thought we’d get along quite well when we met. And then you just started to… I don’t know.” His eyes are soft as he listens to you, lips slightly parted as if trying to think of the perfect explanation to clear your misinterpretations.

When you finish, Seungmin closes his eyes to recollect his thoughts. For a second, you think he might be coming up with an excuse to save himself but the earnest way in which he looks at you the moment he opens his eyes again quiets the voice in your head.

“I just wanted your attention.” His face visibly cringes at the sudden confession. Seungmin feels like he’s floating, looking down at his physical body that’s trying to explain himself without embarrassing himself further.

“You… what?” You blink.

He sighs out, wiping the sweat that’s gathered from his palms down his pants before tilting his head back as if trying to ask strengths from the Gods so he can admit to you whatever he’s been hiding. And then, he looks back at you and he finally confesses what he’s been keeping from you for months.

“I thought that maybe if I acted the way you did with your friends then there’d be a higher chance we’d get along. But then you misinterpreted it as hatred, and I’ve had to pretend I enjoy irritating you when all I really want to do is hold your hand.”

He squeezes his eyes shut as if afraid of your response, but all you can do is stare at him with your mouth parted.

This definitely wasn’t the response you were expecting.

“But… but it really felt like you hated me. Like— when you’d make fun of me for my food choices or that time in the library when you stayed behind to taunt me for being a lost cause.”

“You have me all wrong, (Name). When I asked you what you liked, it was an excuse so I could get it for you. Do you really think I’d accidentally buy too much dinner for Jeongin, and have the excess be exactly your favorites? And… and that night at the library. I stayed behind because I know you’re afraid to walk home late. So you would be less afraid if I walked you home.”

You meet his eyes, breath catching in your throat when you gauge the level of genuineness in his eyes.

“You— You hugged me as a dare in Chan’s party and sometimes that’s all I think about.” Seungmin falls silent after that, simply letting out a breath he feels he’s been holding for too long.

“Look, you don’t have to say anything right now. I know it’s a lot to take in.” He fiddles with the ends of the sweater he’s wearing, making sure to avoid eye contact.

“Seungmin.” The simple sound of his name from your lips has him looking at you despite trying his best not to. “I don’t know what to say.”

“That’s okay. It must be a lot to take in.”

“I thought you hated me for months and now, you’re telling me the exact opposite.” Your voice gradually quiets down, and Seungmin finds comfort when you scoot in your seat closer. “I really don’t know what to say.”

“Would it hurt to start over?” You’re greeted with his softening stare, and he bites his lips in anticipation for your response.

“I think… I think I’d like that.”

Seungmin immediately smiles, the kind of smile that’s difficult to hide even in the inky night, even if he tried.

You find yourself mirroring his own smile.

The thought of finding out the truth behind Seungmin’s actions has always scared you, but now you know you should’ve never been afraid.

Somehow, things are already starting to change, with an outstretched hand in your direction. You find yourself taking it in yours with ease.

“Hi, I’m Seungmin. It’s nice to meet you.”

#k-labels #seungmin x reader #stray kids x reader #stray kids x you #kim seungmin x reader #stray kids oneshot #stray kids fic #stray kids seungmin #skz x reader #skz x you #skz x reader fic #skz fanfic #skz seungmin #seungmin x you #seungmin x y/n #college au #kim seungmin #seungmin fanfic #seungmin fic

950 notes · View notes