#if there's one awful thing its being a server manager and having to deal with a shitty server host

[dirtcube]

Minecraft Server Hosts (Java)

So, you want to run a minecraft server for you and your pals, but you don't know where to go to get a good host worth your price that won't suck ass.

How do you know what server hosts are good? What do all the specs mean? Are they lying to you?

Now, I'm not the single voice on this stuff by any means, and I'm sure there's much more info better than what I've got... But I have been running private minecraft servers since 2012 and I feel like I have at least a little bit of knowledge and experience to share.

More below.

I am going to discuss all possible server hosting methods through the following categories: Pricing, Performance, Trustworthiness, Accessibility

I will also emphasise something important: It does not matter how many cores the CPU of your host has, minecraft runs only on a single thread even for servers. Anything of minecraft that runs on multiple threads is very much just light stuff, but the main game runs on a single thread. There ARE mods that attempt to multithread minecraft, but they are all experimental and buggy as fuck. Worth trying, but not worth depending on.

You need to figure out what CPU they use and if it works for single threads. Multi-threaded server hosts are just bragging about the hardware. You can find a list of CPU's good at single-thread processing HERE

In addition, more RAM =/= Better Performance. In fact, too much RAM can be detrimental because your CPU can't keep up with collecting the garbage data and disposing of it. In an ideal setting of your-average-friend-group you will need maybe 8-10gb of RAM dedicated. Never dedicate the full possible amount of RAM you can have for your server, always do 1GB less so the server has breathing room if necessary. So i.e if you have 12GB available, you put the max to 11GB.

Now that that's out of the way, we can begin with the review.

Let's first start with the most obvious one that I 100% suggest if you have some semblance of tech saviness or a tech savvy relative you can ask the assistance of.

SELF HOSTED SERVER

Your BEST option is always to self-host. But NOT on your own device. If you choose to run a dedicated server on the same device you intend to play on, you will have a bad time unless your PC is a beast. On top of that, your server will not be able to run 24/7. I do not recommend doing this unless you have a dedicated serverroom or a robust PC dedicated to only doing these things.

But, with self-hosted I mean specifically: Purchasing a cloud server from a decent host and installing everything yourself.

Price: The prices tend to come quite cheap for what you get. My private server is ~2TB of storage, Pretty good hardware, and 16gb of RAM available. You can get something small and cheap for only 12$ but if you want to use it for more than just minecraft you can get more.

Performance: Performance is tricky. You have to do your research on what you'll need for your server to run well. In my case, we're asking a contract change soon to upgrade the hardware of our server to an i7 because our current hardware does not handle single-thread servers very well.

However, once you've gone past the trickiness, the performance of a self-hosted server can be great and will outmatch most dedicated minecraft server providers.

Self hosting is great for Vanilla or Modded.

Trustworthiness: Its as trustworthy as you can make it. PLEASE look properly into server security so your entire service doesn't get hacked- not just your minecraft server. I can't say much on this topic as my father handles this side of things more than me.

For your minecraft server specifically, the best way to keep it safe is always keep on a whitelist, even if you wont be sharing the IP publically. Ensure you run your server not on the default 25565 port. Server scrapers will try to break in- we've had it happen with mine literal MINUTES after launching it! Server scrapers are bot accounts that will try to identify any open, unwhitelisted servers on the 25565 port. These scrapers can have the possibility of identifying multiple things about any server such as: Server version, if it's modded, its MOTD, playercount, and if the whitelist is off. (Do note that that whole rumor of Jeb_'s server being found and griefed that FITmc spread is likely entirely false, video explanation here, but this does not negate the fact that people can scrape this info rather easily.)

Accessibility: It's not accessible to people who know fuckall about tech. A decent amount of tech literacy is required to understand how to run a server like this. It is, however, incredibly worthwhile to learn. It's not convenient to self-host unless you already happen to be running your own private cloud or whatever.

MINECRAFT REALMS

Pricing: 8$/month, 30-day Realm for 10$, 90-day Realm for 27$ If you don't want to be stuck in a subscription, you pay more! How scummy. Good job microsoft.

Performance: 4GB world size max, No Modding, Render & Simulation distance is locked to a max of 8 and can not be altered in any way. This means regardless of how big YOUR personal render distance is, it won't go beyond 8 because the server locks it. One realm can have up to 3 world "slots", but only one can be active at a time. There is no static info about how much GB RAM they have dedicated, based on what I found their RAM is dynamic? It's unclear as they probably don't want to 100% disclose their specs.

Trustworthiness: It's microsoft. If you trust em, good for you.

Accessibility: Incredibly accessible as there is basically zero setup on the user's end.

Verdict: Not worth it unless you really dont want to deal with alternate hosts.

BISECT HOSTING

To be up front, I have not USED this one, so i'm speaking from what I'm seeing. and able to research

Pricing: Has Premium & Budget. a 6GB server (recommended modpack minimum) is 30$ for Premium, and 18$ for budget. The difference between Premium and budget is automatic modpack installation, Adjustable player slots, dedicated IP, automated backups, and a few others that dont matter to the average player. It is not really worth the markup.

Performance: They use Intel Xeon processors, SSD's, in general their specs are *really* good and I would not be surprised if their servers run entirely smoothly. However, the claim that a server can have up to 12 players online with only 1GB of ram (their cheapest option at 3$) is giving people false hope. Even the original minecraft realms offers gave a minimum of 2GB and did not expect more than two players to be able to play at a time.

Trustworthiness: I can't speak for this, but based on their support offers and their money-back guarantee, on top of general reviews stating they're very reliable, I would say they're trustworthy.

Accessibility: All server hosting comes with what is basically a multicraft control panel, which is very accessible. Automatic server installation is also very accessible and friendly. In general, I would say it seems to be good for anyone looking for a good server that's easy to set up and has everything you need.

Verdict: Ridiculously pricy, but if you have the money and don't want to deal with hassle its worthwhile. On top of that, a lot of modders are sponsored by them, so you can often use a promo code to get 25% off of your server and support a modder that way. (Though frankly if you want to support a modder I'd just throw a few bucks to their dono page or smth)

MC PRO HOSTING

Pricing: 6GB ram (minimum for modpacks) is 34$/month, Their customisable package looks convenient and cheap, but honestly would likely result in "set up your server with worse features for more money". It's very tricksy.

Performance: They claim you can have 100 possible players on only 6GB of ram. Even the best servers struggle with 100 players and I can tell you they certainly have more than 6GB dedicated- it's boasting numbers to sound good and it is absolutely not accurate. They also boast Intel Xeon processors which are at least good for minecraft, and they seem to have stopped boasting that they got multiple cores which was misleading.

Trustworthiness: They have a history of actively lying about their service and how well it can do things, on top of boasting in the past that having multi-threaded CPU's was good for the server. They changed this, which is good, but I personally don't like it. They provide DDoS protection and last I used them their support team was active and quick, which is good. Daily backups with no extra costs is also very kind of them.

Accessibility: Quick to set up and access, back in the day their control panel was a mess, they probably fixed it now.

Verdict: Overpriced and lying about the capabilities of their service, but if you know the limits yourself and can manage the server with those limits in mind you would have a decent server host.

SPARKEDHOST

Pricing: Offers Budget, Enterprise, and Extreme options. Assuming the 6GB modpack minimum... Budget: 6$, Enterprise 13$, Extreme 24$. Pricing is very reasonable, especially for what it offers in performance.

Performance: Offers Intel Xeon Processors *or* the equivalent. Take note of that. What is fascinating to me, is that their Extreme offers do boast MUCH better single-thread performance. Meaning they are aware how important the single-thread performance is for minecraft servers.

Trustworthiness: They don't boast how many players a server can host, which is great. However, it does boast that it has multiple cores (aka threads) available in its services. which, as you know, is basically useless for minecraft. On the other hand, as mentioned above the service does boast that single thread performance is increased for its extreme packages, meaning that they are open about the importance of that for a minecraft server. Having used this service before, I also must say that they are reliable and quite responsive on the support team.

Accessibility: Their control panel is pleasant to use and easy to understand. It's a pretty good server host and the fact they do explain the importance of single thread makes it more accessible to people trying to figure out how to find a good server. Other than that, it is basically like any other server host. It does not boast automatic modpack setup, though.

Verdict: Frankly one of my favourite server hosts and the one I would utilise if I didn't have a self-hosted one. Cheap, reliable, and doesn't lie about the capabilities of the server to you.

NITRADO

This is the server host i'm using right now while my self-hosted server is down for maintenance for a while.

Pricing: It's default preset packages all boast 2GB of ram for at the lowest like 2$. Otherwise, it offers a customisable package. The service i'm using is a customised package, where I selected 4 slots, a 30 day runtime, and its maximum 7GB of ram for modpacks. It costed me 13$ or so.

Performance: I can not find any information on either their website or online about exactly what their specs are which... Isn't great. Supposedly its Intel Xeon too? But the performance is weak to say the least. In addition, the website control panel is slow as all hell and the server frequently has strange issues that at this rate I have attributed to the server launching incorrectly when doing its restarts. Because I have only a 30-day package I'm not bothering to contact support over this but... Keep it in mind.

Trustworthiness: Since they're not up front about their specs I can't say they're very trustworthy. They also separate their preset packages based on player slots and not server performance.

Accessibility: They have automatic modpack setup for a large amount of mods but are not up to date with the most recent curseforge available modpacks. Other than that their control panel is confusing and awkward to use and its more convenient to utilise their FTP file access rather than just the ease of uploading things to their website THROUGH their website.

Verdict: Not worth the money. I was trying it out to familiarise myself with their services for a potential ARK server but if a minecraft server is like this Im not gonna trust it for an ARK server.

NITROUS NETWORKS

Pricing: 6GB it asks 24$/month. It boasts its pricing based on amount of players it can handle and you all know the drill on that. Boasts support for all mods and has automatic mod setup included in the pricing which is nice.

Performance: It's information about the specs is a little wonky to find with how they just prattle on a line of info about specs instead of a nice list, but they provide Xeon processors too that are not on the single thread CPU benchmark list. make of that what you will. They also claim to offer 9900k servers which are at the very bottom of single thread performance. I frankly would not use this for modded, but I know it performed decently on vanilla. It did begin chugging once more than 4 players were online at a time, unfortunately, and we did have one of the higher packages too.

Trustworthiness: Their tech support is quick and you can request them to put you on their 9900k servers manually without extra cost afaik. However, they recommend the modpack minimum being the 3GB RAM package which is frankly just lying to your customers about the capability of your services.

Accessibility: Probably one of the most pleasant control panels i've had the joy of using. The website is sleek, responsive, and uploading files is easy.

Verdict: It's a good service, but gets outshined by cheaper, better, and more robust alternatives.

There is a slew of other server hosts out there too that I may not be aware of, but I hope that this review of some of the known ones can aid in helping you find your most preferred server host- or at least be educational to you in some form.

[screechingsandwichhologram]

asks about ur channah design/headcanons/lore :3

oooooh yippee!!! so i dont have too too much for her but i do have thoughts about her so <3

most of this will be basics of her design & past life & stuff ?

so first of all, shes a flower based fae. in my dsmp au there's different sublevels of fae - based on the type of magic they're attuned of the most. there's river fae, wild fae, moss fae, etc. hannah is a flower fae (of the spring court). this, appearance wise, gives her natural flowers growing out of her, pointed ears, cat-like pupils, and general unnaturalness (it is important to note that because of this, people had a much harder time telling when she was egged because she was already uncanny). she also has two pairs of wings!!! they are shaped like an orange oakleaf butterfly, but the pattern is a pink version of the chestnut tiger butterly !!! also the second, lower one is feathered. one special thing to note about her is her antlers!!! these antlers are due to her deal with the God of The Wild (nature in general !!!)

very quick sketch of hannah design !! ^

before the smp, (and, according to my own lore, around the end of The New Timeline) she lived in a small village with her grandmother. Her grandmother, of course, wasn't actually her grandmother, but rather an old lady who found her as a young toddler at the end of the woods. Her grandmother raised her, even knowing what she was, and taught her how to properly care for plants. When she was a teenager, after she had grown her wings, her grandmother brought her to the forest to meet her own kind. hannah was welcomed, of course, but kept coming back to the woman who raised her. at some point, the village found out what hannah was, and attacked her grandmother. hannah managed to stop them, and grabbed her grandmother and ran into the forest. the fae weren't too happy with the grandmother being in the forest, and Hannah was a much lower fae, so she didn't have much sway.

hannah ended up seeking out the god of the wild. she told it that she would do its bidding (be its champion!) as long as her grandmother was cared for. it agreed. as a token of her championship, she was granted antlers (well, technically horns but they are shaped like antlers). those hurt to grow in btw.

as the champion of the wild, she did. some stuff. its wasn't much, and was pretty tame. she enjoyed her work (it was basically large scale gardening), but she began to grow anxious and paranoid. she was sure that the god would ask her to do something awful and big soon.

but, then The Collision happened ! and the timeline & world rebooted. because she was the champion of the wild, she was able to survive and was saved, but because she was so closely tied to the now nearly dead god, she fell dormant. she was basically in deep sleep for thousands of years. during this time, nature grew around her, and she gained an almost stone-like texture.

one day, though, a traveler accidentally knocked into her. she was pushed just enough to crack her antlers. over time, the vines growing around her would further the crack, eventually breaking the antlers off. the pain (and the removal of the tie to the god) woke her, and she found herself with iffy memories, in an unfamiliar place, and no one she knew. the fae were few and far in between, so she could not find comfort in her species. she started wearing sweaters because she found she was always cold, and as a self-comforting weight.

she eventually figured out a way off the server, and went to hypixel, where she met purpled. she learnt to fight there, and learned what happened to her home. she also figured out what happened to her. the years of sleep had blurred her memories, loosing the details, but the basics were there.

after some time, she decided to go back to the dsmp. in some feeble hope to try to help the ancient gods (and some strange attachment to the one who gave her only worries.)

at arrival to the dsmp, though, her feathered wings were clipped, and almost stripped bare. they were useless. her butterfly wings were tattered just enough to render them useless as well.

okay thats all i have for her past. uhm now some things.

her colors (of her wings, her roses, etc) are very dependent on her mood. they have become duller over the years

before the dsmp, she had many more roses covering her.

shes sapphic !!! and also demigirl, but uses she/her prns exclusively. oh and also polyamorous !!!

the egg regularly would have her tear out her feathers (and replace them with vines)

she learned how to crochet after the egg

she can make pretty decent pastries !!! she really enjoys it, at least.

thats all i have for rn (its late so my brain is fried) but i hope u enjoy?

[adamwatchesmovies]

Hackers (1995)

Hackers is on the cusp of being a good film. Even if you don’t like it, you can understand its appeal. A product of its time (for the better I say) it may in no way reflects what computer hacking is actually like but the picture’s got plenty of style.

Dade "Zero Cool" Murphy (Jonny Lee Miller) is a prodigal hacker who has finally gotten off of his no-computer parole (as per a judge ruling). Now 18, he befriends a group of hackers at his high school and, while proving his computing skills, stumbles upon a corporation's extortion scheme.

In reality, hacking more often than not consists of guesswork. Is the password their birthdate? The name of their first pet? They seem to have a strange fascination for Deep Blue Sea, so perhaps you should try “shark”? Hackers dips its toe in this reality but if you can operate a computer in this film, you’re basically a wizard. Turn traffic lights on and off? Sure. Alter someone’s criminal record? Easy peasy. Why not go all the way and pronounce them dead? No problem. You'll either cringe at the inaccuracies or appreciate the 90’s-ness on display. Today, hackers are stealing your credit card information or locking you out of your computer unless you pay a ransom. Back when the internet was a new thing, being a hacker meant you were part of this elusive group that was “In the know”. It meant you knew how computers worked and that - if you were stealing from anyone - it was from a big corporation that was probably up to no good. You were a criminal, sure, but really, you were someone who had a cheat code to life, a person to be admired. That’s the headspace you have to put yourself in while watching this Iain Softley picture. If you can manage that, you'll have fun.

Even for the time, aspects of "Hackers" are flimsy. The characters are flat. Aside from liking computers and having a certain disregard for authority figures, you don’t know much about Dade. Similarly, his new friends Ramon “The Phantom Phreak” Sanchez (Renoly Santiago), Emmanuel “Cereal Killer” Goldstein (Matthew Lillard), Paul “Lord Nikon” Cook (Laurence Mason) and Joey Pardella (Jesse Bradford) are so thin they basically become generic hacker stand-ins. Angelina Jolie as Kate does a little bit better, mostly because she's the only female in the group and has more screen time than the rest, but even then, you wouldn’t know what to bring up in a conversation. At least they fare better than the picture’s villain, Eugene “The Plague” Belford (Fisher Stevens, looking an awful lot like Billy Mitchell). They all fit in this era of filmmaking, but there’s much more that could’ve been done with them.

One of the film’s most notable aspects has to be its visuals. “Wait, what? Isn’t this film about people typing on their keyboards?” Yes, but that’s not what you see. It’s not quite on the same level as Tron, which is really a fantasy film with a coat of “computer jargon” on top, but it’s getting there. When Dade and his friends hop online, the audience is treated to cool sights as city blocks turn into visual representations of what it would be like to navigate the web if websites where three-dimensional. We all know it’s nothing like that in real life, but it sure makes for some interesting images.

While Hackers does not reflect what breaking into a corporation’s server is really like, it does understand the mindspace of its people. It shows you that desire to stand out from the crowd, the need to create a new identity via handles, breaks down why someone would find it so exciting to spend hours (theoretically) pouring through code to find that one line that allows them access into a backdoor in a program. This is a wild exaggeration, but it has some distant ancestor that was the real deal. There are a few too many parts that’ll make you go “Come on, REALLY?” but I can still mildly recommend Hackers. (On DVD, May 4, 2018)

[cicaklah]

Who knew that hitman fandom was big enough for wank? But it turns out it is. It's Sunday morning and the birds are chirping and yeah vague blog at me, I will vague blog back.

Agent 47 is not real. He is a character in a video game who is a hyperviolent, ruthless killer. He frequently, canonically, kills people who are just in the way. People who have done bad things, sure, but we all do bad things.

47 is not asexual representation. He isn't representation of any kind. He is much more of a nuanced character than most of hitman fandom (the parts outside of Tumblr mostly) gives him credit for. He isn't a robot, he isn't emotionless. He is a bit of a trope inversion in many ways by not being James Bond. He has conflicts and crises that lead to him exploring salvation through the church (H2SA), through revenge (absolution), through outsourcing his choice of contract to someone who he believes has a strong moral code (Diana, implied all games but explicit as of H3). He doesn't trust himself to make the right decisions. He also is designed to be dichotomous. He's both devastatingly handsome and an everyman who can pass for anyone. He's a savant at every job who can blend in easily in any scenario and so stiff and robotic that even when lying down he looks like he's vibrating with rage. He's a charming conversationalist and yet everything he says is a clumsy dad joke about murder. Part of the character design is that to everyone he is this charming, handsome chameleon who can turn his hand to anything flawlessly, while to the player he's barely more than a stiff limbed ken doll we're marching around our bedrooms assassinating the other toys.

Agent 47 is not asexual representation not because you can't personally believe he is asexual. Most of the fandom does believe he is asexual. Go to hitman forum, go to Reddit, go to twitter, look at the ao3 back before 2015. But fanfic writing fandom is a place where people write romantic and sexual fanfiction about their faves, and here on tumblr is the part of fandom where we do that. You coming here and not just disagreeing with us, but telling us we are wrong to do so, and then vague blogging that we're just big meanies who don't understand how wrong, how morally wrong it is to write fic about a serial killer and his line manager because it violates YOUR sacred cow? Fuck off. Sincerely.

Because even if he was asexual representation, it still wouldn't be wrong to write fic about him being a world champion pussy eater. That's not how fandom works. That's not how the world works. Agent 47 isn't real. He isn't. I can write him fucking anyone I want. There is no law to stop me. I can do. What. I. Want. No one pays me to do this. The only reward I get is attention. If I didn't get attention, maybe I would stop doing it, but lbr I wrote steak back when the fandom was so tiny it took a week to get one comment on it, and I'm a fairly known writer in my circles. Writing the fic is its own reward if you care enough. In this case, it absolutely was. For two years every time it got a kudo I smiled to myself because it was something I was so proud of. I got a comment on it in September 2020 that was so nice it ranks as one of the best things that happened to me that year. Then H3 happened, and the fandom exploded with other people who see what I saw, and 2021 has been this glory period of camaraderie and fun with other women who believe agent 47 is a champion pussy eater and romantic lead for the ages.

Fandom has a lot of unofficial rules and one of the main ones that stops fandoms deteriorating into moralising morasses is this policy called don't like don't read. This kind of thing isnt new. Look up the ray wars from due south in the 90s...and know that there was a troll in that fandom in 2015 harassing people on Tumblr and the ao3 for shipping wrong in a fandom that by that point was so dead it was even smaller than the thirsty thirteen. When creators fought back and said fanfic was immoral, and rich and famous people like Anne rice sued fans for writing stories, we kept going. When moralists said that porn on LJ was child abuse, we made the ao3 so we owned the fucking servers. No one gets to tell fan writers what to do. This isn't our first rodeo.

I get that it feels awful that people are being wrong on the internet. How dare those uppity sex obsessed bitches write the fics that defile my poor woobie 47. But kid, he's not real. The fandom is real. Your headcanon is not gospel. There is nowhere in the holy book that says 47 doesnt fuck, but crucially, even if it did, I'm still going to write him as someone who fucks. I recommend you find a way to deal with it.

[erekiosuncreativeideas]

Being Human - Chapter 22

<= Chapter 21

Summary : Vanessa brings a scared little kid back to her manor. Also available on AO3 : https://archiveofourown.org/works/24826561/chapters/74145501

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HEEEEEEY NEW CHAPTER (sorry for the late update these days !) I hope you'll like this chapter !

The “Oh The Humanity” AU belongs to @doodledrawsthings​​ !

Uh if you’re interested, I post my progress on my chapters on Hatty Fan Time (the AHIT Discord server I’m moderating with two friends), so if you wanna join, go ahead !

Happy reading !

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Chapter 22 : “I n-need guidance.”    

The trek to the manor was something Snatcher could describe as anything but enjoyable. Being dragged by the one who had broken his heart and killed him, leaving him to rot in a cold cellar, all alone- no, the former shade was definitely not enjoying what was happening, far from it. He was terrified. Being dragged away by his murderer, not knowing what would happen to him, not knowing if he had even saved his friends earlier… His mind was a mess and his body was no better.

The now young Prince was being carried through the snow, his skin slowly getting blue from how cold the temperatures were. He could barely feel his feet anymore, just like his hands, his clothing certainly not made for such terrible weather. The more they walked, the more Snatcher had trouble keeping up, his legs shaking both from the fear and from the cold. No matter how much he tried to pull away, nothing he did actually managed to make Vanessa falter in any way.

He knew she would not hesitate to break his wrist should he keep resisting her. After a while, Snatcher stopped. All he could do while being dragged like this was to look at his surroundings- or what was left of his forest. The snow was covering everything up, a deep and thick white layer hiding the vegetation… And, to his great despair, most likely frozen statues of his minions, those who were too slow to flee.

The former ghost looked away and shut his eyes hard- he didn’t have the courage to witness any ice statue of someone he hadn’t been able to save. Again. He couldn’t help but feel like the same story was repeating itself, hundreds of years after it all started: Vanessa’s unstable thoughts acted up, she froze Subcon and all of its surrounding regions, and now she was going to lock him up again after killing everyone once more.

This was never going to stop, now, was it? Or, perhaps, it would… After one of them died, once and for all, putting an end to this never-ending story. However, at this particular moment… Snatcher wasn’t so confident about his own survival in the matter: with a frail and fragile body, completely powerless both figuratively and literally, the child had no way to get out of this without finding a good plan.

Would he find one, though…?

Soon, the silhouette of the old manor started to appear in front of them. Snatcher’s feet hurt and he could barely feel Vanessa’s strong grip on his wrist anymore. The sensations in his limbs were numb and so was the pain… But he knew this wasn’t a good thing, this only proved how much his body was suffering and was trying to survive. How long would it even last, given his situation…?

Snatcher’s eyes widened at the sight of the manor, ice visible on his lashes, the wet traces of the tears on his cheeks now completely frozen. It stung, it burnt- yet it was just the beginning of a new nightmare, the former ghost was more than aware of that.

The child’s stare fell on the two statues in front of the porch, unmoving but, he knew that, very much sentient and deadly. Snatcher felt chills running through him and a feeling of panic spread inside of him: as a ghost, he could deal with them, those had never been a big problem, to begin with… But as a human, no, as a kid… This changed quite a lot and, for a reason he couldn’t place yet, Snatcher felt like his emotions were even worse. Sure, becoming human again had felt awful in that regard, already- but now? He had the impression everything was just more… Intense, in some way. While, as an adult, he would have been just as scared from seeing the statues, now… Now, Snatcher had the urge to run away and cry, before curling up and hoping for something, someone to save him.

What… What was happening to him…?! The same thing had happened earlier while he had been facing Vanessa. Had his mind really become younger as his body had? Was this even possible? It didn’t seem right… He was still “him” after all!

So why did he feel so different?

Snatcher shut his eyes once more as they passed by the statues, a wave of intense fear hitting him- but nothing happened. Those things remained perfectly motionless, keeping the same pose as Vanessa dragged him up to the door.

-“There we are,” she cheerfully said, and for a brief second, she almost sounded like her old self. Almost.

With a swift gesture, the Queen opened the door and entered the manor, pulling him inside as she did so. The second Snatcher was in the entrance hall with her, she quickly closed the door behind him and… Locked it, finally letting go of the child’s wrist after that. The sound of the lock made Snatcher’s face pale up even more than it already was. Sure, this had to be expected… But, nonetheless, this just made him feel even more terrified. He could hear his own heartbeat in his ears, the organ pounding inside of his chest and his legs trembling at the terrible realization that he was now trapped with his murderer.

This simple thought seemed to put some order in his mess of a mind while his survival instincts took control of his body again. His life was on the line, and this place was dangerous, so very dangerous. Horrifying memories came back to him, only intensifying his urge to get out of here as soon as possible. Without thinking twice, his legs moved on their own and he dashed to the closest room- the kitchen.

He had to flee, now!

Unsurprisingly, the Queen hadn’t expected him to try to run away so soon after she let go of his wrist. A small gasp left her lips as she turned her head in his direction, a bit too slow to react. Snatcher’s little hands had now reached the door handle.

-“Stop right there!” Her voice echoed in his back, making chills run down his back, and the temperature dropped distinctly. Oh Gods, oh Gods…! Panic fuelling him, the child opened the door and dashed inside, closing the door as fast as he could. Oh, but he knew this would do nothing to hold her back… After all, she had frozen the entirety of Subcon, so a small wooden door was barely an obstacle to her. Still, fear and instincts were in control, telling him what to do without wasting any second.

And he was right to hurry: as soon as he closed the door and started to run away, the Queen opened the door again, entering the room. Her aura was now much darker and it was easy to see how annoyed she was. Ice was spreading around her from her feet, her shadow more prominent than ever, and her ghostly face even scarier than it previously was.

-“Come back here!” she yelled at him, but he kept running, turning to go to the other part of the room: the living room. He knew from memory that there was another door there, which he would be able to use to go back into the hallway, hopefully gaining enough time to disappear from her sight long enough to hide. She was quite hunchbacked after all, maybe he’d be able to distance her, even if just a little…!

However, his hopes were soon shattered as a loud, strident “enough!” resonated in the room, making it shake lightly. The temperature dropped considerably, to the point where Snatcher felt like he had been thrown back into the cold snow outside. This was a pretty good indicator of how irritated Vanessa was- he had learnt that the hard way in the cellar.

Before he was able to react, the Queen stomped her foot on the wooden floor. Instantly, a line of ice spread to his own feet, fast, trapping them and immobilizing him. It all happened in a blink, so much that Snatcher fell forward, still caught in his momentum. Yet, his ankles couldn’t move- and as his body hit the hard floor, a horrifying cracking sound echoed in the room, one he had heard oh so many times, one he had loved listening back when he was a sadistic ghost in charge of Subcon Forest- the sound of broken bones.

One of his ankles had twisted in an unnatural way as he fell down. The adrenaline and the cold allowed him not to understand what had just happened, temporarily blessing him with ignorance while all he could think about was to crawl away, in vain. His feet were stuck into the ice, preventing him from moving away from this very spot, no matter how much his nails were scratching at the floor in the hope this would help him to get away. It didn’t.

Panicked breaths left his lips, his heart pounding more and more into his chest. This was it, he was going to die, there was no way he’d survive this, absolutely no way-

-“You are quite the disrespectful child, aren’t you?” scolded a voice behind him, reminding him sharply of the dangerous monster standing in his back. Slowly, ever so slowly, the former ghost turned his head in Vanessa’s direction, his cheeks deadly pale and his heart stopping as his eyes met hers. Her red eyes were glaring at him and her shadow looked spikier than it usually did. The ice spreading off her feet was even more intense than before, slowly trapping the wood under its cold surface.

The Queen was livid.

-“I- I- I’m sorry,” he breathed out, unable to take his eyes off her, too terrified to do so. This was the end, this was how he was going to die- again: “I’m sorry, p-please, I didn’t-”

-“Quiet!” she shouted at him, her rage even more noticeable as the temperature dropped yet another time. The ice trap around Snatcher’s feet fortified, and it was only then that he noticed the strange position of his ankle. As if just seeing it was what Snatcher’s body needed to realize he had been injured, pain started to grow inside of him. The adrenaline wasn’t strong enough to contain it anymore. Tears welled up in his eyes as a silent scream escaped him, the pain becoming stronger and stronger as seconds passed.

It hurt so much!

Under so many intense emotions, the tears in his eyes finally fell, rolling down his cheeks as a few sobs left his lips. Oh, Gods…! He couldn’t move, no matter how much he wanted to- he knew it would just hurt even more should he try to crawl away again.

Quite surprisingly, Vanessa’s furious expression softened as she noticed his suffering and heard his cries. Had he not been in this situation, he would have found she looked like a mother staring at her injured child- but this was not the case, oh no, far from it.

She had been the one to hurt him, even indirectly. She was everything but a mother-figure, he knew that much. Still, contrary to what he had first thought, instead of hurting him even more, she crouched to his level. Her face had indeed softened, which… He wasn’t sure if he should see it as something positive, really.

At least, she didn’t look like she was going to kill him, so that was that, he supposed…

-“Aw, look at what you did,” she cooed with “compassion”, though he knew very well she wasn’t able to feel such an emotion. No, she was just a cold-hearted monster. Ha.

Then again, not the time for puns.

He glanced back at her, obvious fear visible in his eyes. What was she going to do to him…? More tears rolled down his cheeks, stinging his face with how low the temperature was in the room. Should they go lower, his tears would most likely freeze on his skin…

-“I told you to stop, didn’t I?” she continued with the same cooing tone, except this time it had a reproach side to it. Snatcher didn’t answer, too terrified to do so, only able to wait for his terrible fate. However, his silence didn’t seem to please Vanessa and she reached to his right ear, pinching it as a parent would do to a disobedient child, and pulling it up.

-“Didn’t I?” she urged him, irritated once more, and Snatcher just knew she was waiting for an answer.

-“Y-yes!” he gasped from the pain, sobbing more while his head tried to follow the movement for it not to hurt too much: “Yes, you… You did!”

As if this was enough, the Queen slowly let go of his ear… And instead, let her hand wander on his face, stroking it with affection. Her expression turned mother-like again and she tilted her head to the side, staring at him with tenderness.

What the Hell was going on…? Snatcher couldn’t move, paralyzed as he felt her sharp claws caressing his cheek, the only movements coming from him being shivers. That only reminded him of that time in the cellar… That time where she had frozen his right eye…

-“You look so much like him…” was her next sentence and the expression on her face turned to some sort of nostalgia, one that the previous ghost really, really didn’t like: “Is it why you’re trying to run away so bad?” she then asked with a lower tone, her hand suddenly tensing on his cheek.

Oh no. Oh no, Snatcher knew exactly this intonation, and this wasn’t good in the slightest. And just like he had thought…

-“Why do I bother?” added the Queen, her features hardening from what seemed to be both anger and frustration: “What if you’re just like him? Ready to leave for someone else, abandoning me and leaving me forever?”

Snatcher’s eyes widened as the gears in his mind turned and turned and turned- until he was starting to understand what was going on. Vanessa was in fact trying to-

-“Maybe you’re not worth my help,” she concluded, coldly, her eyes soon turning to daggers, just like they had been hundreds of years ago.

The Queen was seeing him as a kid who needed guidance, someone she could take care of in her own sick way, and the reason for that had probably to do with his appearance. She was mistaking him as a child who looked like her old lover, a child she could teach how to behave, a child she could control… A child who could fill the hole in her cold, dead heart.

And this was just terrifying- though this was nothing compared to what the former shade felt as he saw her lifting her clawed hand up, ready to end his life once and for all. Oh no. Oh no. No, no, no, no-!

-“W-wait!” he shouted with a loud, panicked voice, hoping the Queen would stop- even if just for a second. Snatcher had to say something, anything! His life depended on the words he would use, literally. Any mistake, any wrong sentence, and this would be over for him.

He had experienced it once, and this was more than enough.

To his greatest relief, the shadowy monster stopped, her motion interrupted as she watched him intently- he could tell she was waiting for what he had to say. This was his chance, his only chance.

-“I-I don’t know w-who you’re talking about,” he lied, his voice trembling and his chest heaving up and down from how scared he was: “I-I’m sorry for trying to leave, I was…” he gulped down, his eyes fixed on the hand that had been so close to killing him again: “I was scared. I’m… I don’t know better, I need…” he continued, trying to find what she wanted to hear. But would she believe him…? There was only one way to find out.

-“I n-need guidance,” he gulped down again, afraid of Vanessa’s reaction to his words. But then again, what other choice did he have in a situation like this ? “I… You know best, and I… I’m just a child. I… I know nothing.”

His lower lip was trembling as he stared at Vanessa, his body trembling. What was she going to do after that? Would she listen to him, or would she kill him just like she had years ago? The suspense was unbearable… If she didn’t end his life first, then his heart would do the job just fine by pounding more than what his body could handle. And after a few seconds, ones that had seemed like hours, days, no, centuries to Snatcher… Vanessa lowered her hand slowly, a tender and yet sick smile taking place on her features again. A few giggles left her mouth, but the child knew that they were nothing but poison.

No matter how human Vanessa seemed to behave sometimes… It was impossible for him to forget what she had done to Subcon, what she had done to the village, what she had done to its inhabitants and… What she had done to him.

-“Oooh…” she cooed affectionately, and while Snatcher hated that sound… He felt safer. Apparently… Apparently his words had worked enough to touch the Queen which, in his situation, was more than anything he could have asked for.

-“How cute,” she mused to herself, before focusing her attention on the former ghost once more: “Perhaps you’re not entirely like him… Maybe I could teach you how to be a suitable heir to the throne,” she told him, before adding in a lower voice, almost to herself: “And I’ll make sure to turn you into the perfect prince, unlike him.”

Each of her last words sounded like venom on her tongue, like she was sickened just by mentioning his old self. Now, her resentment was now fully apparent and Snatcher was more than relieved to know she hadn’t put two and two together about who he really was… Otherwise, he was certain that this icy, clawed hand would have ended his life without even giving him the chance to save himself.

His thoughts were interrupted as he saw her hand hovering above his trapped feet… And suddenly, the ice turned to snow, finally giving him the possibility to crawl away. However, the moment he tried to pull his feet away, an acute pain instantly stopped him, making him cry out: his ankle was still very much broken. The Queen seemed to notice this and she covered her mouth in a way that lacked sincerity.

She was just playing the role of the perfect Princess, reacting like the social rules used to dictate her behaviour in public- but now, whether it was out of habit or because she actually wanted to act this way, Snatcher just loathed her even more. Oh, how he wanted to put an end to her life, once and for all, to finish what he had never had the courage to do.

This needed to be done if he wanted Subcon to be safe someday, perfectly safe-

-“Don’t worry,” she told him softly, trying to reassure him like one would try with a scared animal. But the former ghost was anything but a scared pet, and this only terrified him even more. She extended her arms to him, as if she wanted to pick him up- the motion made Snatcher panic once more and he tried to crawl away again. However, despite what his survival instincts were urging him to do… All he could do was to stop, the pain preventing him from fleeing what seemed to be inevitable now. Not listening to his sobs, to his scared whimpers, the Queen lost no time in picking him up like one would do to a kid-

But that was what he had become, right? A useless, powerless kid, unable to save his friends, not even able to save himself! Rage fuelled him again, but not against Vanessa. This time, he was furious at himself, furious for being so weak, furious for not being capable of defending himself- he could do nothing, nothing but just wait for it to end.

What other choice did he have in his condition? He couldn’t run, couldn’t fight Vanessa, couldn’t wait for his friends to come and save him! From what had happened with the Time Piece, he had no idea if they had survived, and if the bow-wearing kid hadn’t found a way to escape the ice prison Vanessa had built around her, then… Then she was most likely dead.

This was the worst case scenario of this whole situation. More tears left his eyes, wetting his cheeks even more, stinging the places where his previous tears had frozen, had burnt his skin- all he could feel was fear and despair.

The joyful Queen readjusted her grip on him and held him like a toddler in her arms, ignoring his sobs and his trembling. No, on the contrary, she seemed like she was voluntarily not paying attention to them, only focusing in the beautiful and perfect reality she thought she was living in.

-“There we go, there we go,” she patted his back and, to Snatcher’s greatest horror, she started to walk towards the door leading to the hallway again.

Where was she taking him…?

As if she had guessed his thoughts, she merely smiled happily, laughing again with that awful giggle of hers:

-“Aw, don’t worry,” she tried to reassure him again: “A young prince like you could use some rest after hurting yourself like that,” she explained, before smiling again: “Luckily, I have a spare room for you!”

The former ghost’s mind was soon plagued by confusion. A spare room? He didn’t remember such a thing when he used to live in the mano- but then, it hit him. There was indeed a spare room in this cursed place.

The nursery they had commissioned for the child they eventually never had. And Vanessa was taking him there.

This was a pure nightmare… A nightmare Snatcher wouldn’t be able to escape that easily.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_- 

Well, someone is going to have a good nap in a perfectly not scary nursery :)

I hope you liked this chapter, thank you so much for your likes and reblogs (also I read your tag and aaaAAAH THANK YOU) !

=> Chapter 23

[be11atrixthestrange]

Waking Up In Vegas: Chapter 1

After a night of debauchery, Ron and Hermione wake up in Vegas... married.

Muggle!AU. Romcom!Romione. Slow burning, smutty, angst-fest.

Rated M for reasons.

Ao3 | FFN

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More Chapters

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Chapter 1

[Ron]

Ron wakes up to the strong desert sunlight assaulting his eyelids and turns onto his stomach to bury his face into his pillow. The bed is so warm and comfortable, the satin sheets enveloping him into a nourishing hug. The pillow has somehow maintained its shape and is just the right combination of cold and cozy. His back feels fine, which very much exceeds his expectations, based on how his back usually feels when he wakes up. Maybe an expensive mattress is just what he needs.

Soon enough, his real-life anxieties start to surface. How much does this mattress cost, anyway? What about these sheets? How much extra did this room charge for the scented pillows? Am I even paying for it?

He tentatively opens his eyes, zeroing in on a tray that lies on the floor by his bed. It's adorned with discarded chocolate-covered strawberries, two empty champagne flutes, and a bottle of whipped cream. He never eats whipped cream.

Did I have a girl over last night?

Ron sucks in a breath and freezes in his satin sheets. Gingerly, he turns his head to the other side of the bed, catching a whiff of the pillows he thought were scented before.

Perfume, you idiot.

He lifts his gaze over the mountain of fluffy blankets and high-thread-count sheets, half expecting to see wispy blonde hair glossing the pillow and a hot-pink nightgown that doesn't entirely cover her familiar set of curves. Maybe there would even be lipstick streaked across the pillows. Bloody hell, perhaps he was covered in lipstick, too. Do they charge extra to clean up shit like that? He wouldn't know; he doesn't stay in hotels often.

Honestly, he may have been relieved if Lavender was beside him. They dated for years, and he knows her well. Ever since they broke up, she's been not-so-subtly trying to get him back in bed. She likes having sex with him, and quite frankly, he likes it too. At this point, he knows her body well. She's difficult to disappoint.

On the other hand, she may have mistaken him sleeping with her for regret about ending things, and he has no desire to set the record straight again. Las Vegas is already far enough out of his comfort zone, so Ron will do what it takes to avoid any conflict on this trip.

However, he doesn't have to worry about that because when he peers over the blankets, the girl sleeping beside him is not Lavender Brown.

Instead of a hot-pink nightgown, she's wearing a black pair of mens' boxers and a bright orange Chudley Cannons T-Shirt, with the words "World's Best Coach" emblazoned across the back. He loves that shirt. It was a gift from the youth football team he's coached for years, and he never even let Lavender wear it. Not that she ever asked to, but that's beside the point.

Who the fuck is she?

Still, her head is buried under her pillows, effectively masking her identity. He reaches toward the pillows and gently lifts them to reveal her face, or more accurately, her hair. There's so much goddamn hair. It looks like someone has loaded a t-shirt cannon with curly brown hair and unleashed it onto the pillow beside him.

No. It can't be...

He wonders how he survived the night unstrangled when his companion's hair moves on its own accord like the limbs of a sentient and unpredictable willow tree. Is it as easy to anger as its owner? It begs the question — how the hell has he managed to wake up next to Hermione Jean Granger, his sister's nightmare of a Maid of Honor?

Swiftly but smoothly, he removes his blankets and rises to his feet, only to discover that he's completely starkers. He grabs the first thing he can find — a towel — and wraps it around his hips while he searches the floor for something to wear. Luckily, he's in his hotel room, and his suitcase is wide open on the floor. He exhales a sigh of relief and collapses next to it, pulling garments out one by one. He lands on a pair of inside-out khaki shorts and red short-sleeve button-down, one of his favorite shirts that Lavender would never let him wear. She always said it clashed with his hair.

When he turns the shorts right, a piece of paper floats to the ground. It must have been folded up into his pocket. Out of curiosity, he picks it up and unravels it. He has to read it twice before realization kicks in, and his jaw drops to the floor. His hand is suddenly shaky, but not enough to obscure the words 'Marriage Certificate' across the top.

It's even signed and dated. Ron B. Weasley. Hermione J. Granger. Fuck. This had to be some sort of a practical joke.

He looks back to the bed, and he can't ignore the dread pooling in the pit of his stomach. Hermione's head is still buried under the pillows, the Chudley Cannons Tee rising and falling rhythmically with her breath. Suddenly, he's extremely nervous. She'll wake up soon, and what will happen when she sees him?

She'll probably be pretty upset. Unlike Lavender, she seems easy to disappoint.

Bloody hell.

x

One week earlier…

"I'm Hermione Granger."

She extends a hand to Ron, who reluctantly shakes it. Firm handshake.

"And you are?"

"I'm Ron." She raises her eyebrows. "Ron Weasley? The bride's brother? The groom's best friend?" He tries not to be offended when she removes her hand and wipes it on her trousers. "You honestly don't know me?"

"I figured," she shrugs. "But most people introduce themselves without assuming others know who they are."

Her unfiltered judgment catches him off guard. It strikes a nerve, and he can't help but wonder why Ginny has selected her as her Maid of Honor.

His instinct is to snap right back, but he fights it. He is about to embark on a ten-day international trip to celebrate his sister's wedding, and as the Best Man, he'll be working closely with Hermione and the other bridesmaids, one of them being his ex-girlfriend. It is going to be rough already.

"Well, it's nice to meet you, Hermione Granger," he says as cheerfully as he can muster. He'll just have to get through this trip, and he'll never have to see her again.

Her reply is annoyingly curt. "Thanks." She takes a seat and motions for him to do the same. The gesture is subtle, but it keeps him on edge. He doesn't need permission to sit down. He's tempted to keep standing simply out of spite, but on the other hand, he would like to avoid a power struggle.

He shakes his head as if doing so would reset this terrible first impression. He wants to like her — she's one of Ginny's best friends — but he already feels himself building a wall.

She waves down a server, and Ron squirms at how impatient she seems. What's her rush? The server grumbles when he approaches, and Ron tries to send an apologetic glance his way. "I'll have an iced coffee."

The server nods, then glances expectantly at Ron. "Oh erm... same, I guess.".

"No straws," adds Hermione.

"Noted," quips the server.

"Actually," says Ron, "I would like a straw."

"Straws are awful for the environment," she says when the server's out of earshot. "You don't really need them."

Ron fights the urge to roll his eyes. He's determined to keep it cool, so he takes a steadying breath and changes the subject. "We should compare itineraries for the bride and groom."

"Yes, I agree. In fact, I have put together a tentative plan for the joint stag and hen party." She slides a piece of paper across the table to him. The level of detail is horrendous. It's also laminated. She's organized, that's for sure.

"Hold on," he says. "A joint stag and hen party?"

"Yes, it's more efficient this way. You can see on page four, I've already made reservations at a hotel on The Strip, and for pretty much everything, bigger parties mean bigger discounts."

Ron's heart sinks. He has been planning a surprise stag party for Harry, and he was pretty excited about it. Harry wouldn't go for this. There's no way.

"Hermione, I think the boys would prefer a separate party." Ron was also looking forward to a night out with just the boys — Harry, Neville, Dean, and Seamus. It would be a very different experience if the girls were there too. Well, Ginny, Luna, and Demelza would be fun. Lavender? Hermione? No thanks.

"I've already spoken to Harry, and he loves the idea."

Ron straightens up and stares back at her, for a moment forgetting to mask his hurt. "He… what?"

"Yeah, he already agreed to it."

Their conversation pauses as the waiter returns to deliver their iced coffee. Hermione scowls at Ron and rolls her eyes as he takes a long drag from his plastic straw. Maybe he should ask for a second one just to tick her off some more.

Keep it cool, Ron.

Hermione's expression softens. "I know it must be awkward for you to spend so much time with your ex-girlfriend. Ginny told me about the breakup. She wasn't expecting you two to split before the wedding,"

Unfortunately, the Lavender thing contributes to his resistance to a joint party, but he hates that she can sense that. He hates that Ginny told her about his breakup.

"Look," says Hermione, leaning closer.

He's skeptical of what she might say, but it seems like she's genuinely trying to be caring, so he leans in to listen.

"It'll be hard, but we can't let our personal issues affect this. This wedding is about Harry and Ginny. No one else."

Ron sinks dejectedly back into his chair, immediately regretting giving her the benefit of the doubt. Our personal issues. "What are you saying?"

"I'm asking that we don't bring any unnecessary drama along. Leave it here, and focus on the bride and groom."

"We?"

She nods. "Yes, we. I will also leave my issues at home." She really is infuriating. He's going to have a chat with his sister about her choice of best friend.

"So no drama at the wedding. None." He takes another swig of his drink, raising his eyebrows at her. She scowls again at the straw.

"No drama."

"Deal." He reaches out a hand, and she takes it. Another firm handshake.

Then, something on his face catches her eye. "You've got something on your nose."

He releases her hand and rubs his nose.

She shrugs. "Must have been dirt."

He forces his lips into a smile and wonders if it looks as fake as the one she returns.

What a nightmare.

x

He's pulled out of his reverie by an abrupt jerking of limbs from the bed. Hermione's rhythmic breathing turns into a groan when she tugs the pillow off of her head. She slaps a hand over her eyes when the sunlight hits them, and she groans again, angrily this time. Any illusions of peacefulness are a far distant memory.

When she finally opens her eyes, it's her look of horror that alerts Ron to the fact that he never put on his khaki shorts and a red shirt. He's still hovering next to her bed in a towel, staring at her. He's suddenly very aware of how pale and freckly he is.

"Why are you—?" Eyes wide, she rises to a seat in bed, her hair billowing in every possible direction. She looks down at her body and pinches his Cannons shirt with her fingers like it's a dirty napkin. "Why am I wearing this?" She glances back at Ron and scowls. "Why am I here?"

Ron opens his mouth to answer, but he is unprepared to fill her in. Like her, he has not yet processed this. Before he can explain, the towel starts to unravel from his hips. He motions to catch it, but his right hand is clutching his clothes, and his left hand is clutching a goddamn marriage certificate, so the towel unwinds and lands in a pile on the floor. When Hermione's eye line lowers, her cheeks blush. Ron can't tell if she's embarrassed, angry, or impressed, but he hopes for a combination of the three.

"Morning!" He grins goofily, emulating the falsely excited tone he's become so accustomed to using around her.

It brings her gaze back to his eyes. "Ronald Weasley. What the hell is going on?"

[jaywritessmut]

Weiß Chapter I- Business & Pleasure

*Weiß- White in German

Florian Munteanu x black female reader (All my fics are with black women in mind!)

Warnings: mentions of death & drug use, unprotected sex (wrap it up folks!)

Authors note: Sorry this took so long yall! I moved to a completely new state and that came with its own challenges and adjustments. Things have calmed down since but I’m about to start job hunting and house hunting which is exciting but also stressful AF! Pray for me! I apologize for any mistakes!

Word Count: 4.3K

Something about the smell of a hookah lounge drove her wild. The subtle sweetness in the air had always brought her peace, sometimes a bit of arousal. She found it much more tolerable than plain old cigarettes. But then again, cigarettes didn’t come in flavors like Blue Mist or Double Apple. She scanned the drink menu, impressed with the newer selections listed. Of course there were the outrageous names to contend with. Oil Spill? Typical Klaus she pondered. He’d always had an eye for the dramatic and it was one of the things she loved about him. How sad it was that she’d never hear one of his energetic, albeit coke fueled, rants again. She decided to pay homage to her eccentric companion and order one for old times sake. Her usual order of Jäger would have to wait.

The server took her order, fumbling over his pen as he scribbled it down. He was intimidated by her. She radiated authority and confidence. He had no idea who she was  but the level of service she was receiving let him know that she was definitely a VIP. Making a mistake could cost him his job.

He must be new. She smirked at the thought. How cute.

Most everyone here knew who she was. Her table had been closed off and ready for her with her usual selection. Sex on the beach with a deeper freezer hose. They even made sure to put it in a mango just how she liked it. As soon as she stepped her Manholo clad foot out of her pearl white BMW, she’d been escorted into the club. Tamir gave her a salacious grin while he watched her strut into the building. Yeah, he was still hoping for a piece of that. The line of impatient party goers stared on in envy as she was given preferential treatment. But she was the boss. And bosses waited for no one.

She thought about letting loose tonight. Lord knows she needed it. But tonight was all about business. She needed to think. And surprisingly she was able to do just that as the bass from the clubs stereos shook the room. They had a deal, she and Klaus. She provided the money and kept an eye on the financial and legal side of things while Klaus was the face. He managed the club events, payroll, employees, social media presence, you name it. He was good at being the center of attention while she worked behind the scenes. But he also handled the grittier parts of it all. He dealt with the foot soldiers, making sure they were moving product. And then with suppliers to make sure they weren’t getting screwed them over. Turf wars and partnerships were all handled by him. It was a messy arena that Klaus shielded her form. And it made sense.

She was a sheltered daughter of an American diplomat. Her experience growing up in Berlin was quite different from his. While he fought to escape the crime infested slum and shady gangs, she vacationed on glamorous yachts in Malta. As a kid, he’d learned about the proper price to charge for a kilo while she was taught French and art history. They came from two different worlds yet managed to build a successful enterprise together. And now with him gone, she had no idea what to do. Just why the fuck did he have to piss off the Russians?

From across the club, Florian studied her closely in amazement. Annalise Roper in the flesh. ‘Lise’ was what she went by with family and close friends. But to her secret associates, she was Snow, the cocaine queen of Deutschland. He was surprised to see her here tonight. He had had the pleasure of meeting her on only a few occasions but knew that it was rare for her to be at the club. And with the circumstances surrounding Klaus death, he would’ve thought she’d lay low and increase security. But her face was unknown in the underground circles. When rival gangs talked about taking out Snow they were expecting a blonde hair blue eyed type. Not the melanated beauty he was currently admiring. The whole thing was ingenious really.

He watched as she threw back a shot, the club lights reflecting off her deep mocha skin. Her all white ensemble gave her an ethereal appearance, as if she were floating above the crowd. The effect she had on him was evident from the noticeable bulge in his pants. Full luscious lips, sultry bedroom eyes, flawless skin. All of her features drove him wild. And that was just her face. The white midi dress she wore, clung to her curves sinfully almost like a second skin. He knew she worked out. A body like that had to be properly maintained and cared for. And he wanted to explore every inch of it.

Florian adjusted his pants before approaching her. She’d just finish placing another drink order, a Jäger with ginger beer. The already skittish server rushed from her table almost running straight into him. When he glared stoically at the poor kid, he took off faster than before, desperate to get away from the two of them. Her almond shaped eyes gazed at him curiously while she took a pull from the hose. She admired the way his clothes fit on his body. His tailored shirt accentuated his impressive biceps. and the first two buttons were undone, showcasing his signature gold chain. He had style, that was undeniable.

Florian fought the urge to look at her lips but they were too hard to resist. The image of them wrapped around the hose was enough to fuel his already wild imagination.

She let out the smoke she inhaled while maintaining eye contact

“Wusstest du nicht, dass es unhöflich ist zu starren?”

He couldn’t help the smirk that fell upon his lips. Sarcasm was her defense mechanism, but it only made him want her more.

“Ja. Ich bin nur überrascht dich hier zu sehen, Schnee”

Her eyes flashed in anger at his nickname for her. She hated the way it sounded in German. Schnee. It was nowhere near as sexy as Snow.

“Darf ich mich setzen?”

“Wirst du mich nerven?”

He took a seat next to her, ignoring her question. Asshole she thought to herself. But a very sexy asshole nonetheless. The jittery server returned with her drink and skittered off to help the next patron.

“Why do you hate me so much?” He leaned into her, pressing a muscular leg onto her. She’d always been in awe of his large frame, even daydreamed about being pinned underneath him while he did unspeakable things to her body. But she was his boss. And she didn’t fuck her employees.

“I don’t hate you. I’m irritated by you” she went to take a sip of her drink to take the edge off. Whichever bartender made it went heavy on the Jäger . She was grateful for it.

“Why? Because I turn you on?” She almost choked on her drink as he brought his mouth to her ear.

Composing herself, she turned to glare at him. But he remained unfazed by her anger.

“Who said you turn me on? And how do you even know what me being turned on looks like? You’ve never had me to know”

“We could change that tonight.”

She rolled her eyes in annoyance and turned away from him. He was a typical playboy, used to getting what he wanted with a few charming words. But she wasn’t falling for it.

"Don’t be like that. You know you want me”

“And what makes you say that?”

“Basic science. Your pupils dilate whenever I come around. And you think I don’t notice but you look me up and down while biting your lip. It’s really sexy by the way, makes me want to lean forward and nibble it myself”

She crossed her arms in indignation trying to prevent his words from having an affect on her. His eyes wandered low to admire the way her breasts were pushed together.

“You also clench your legs together when I speak to you. Just like you are right now. And if you let me, I can give you the friction you desperately need. All you have to do is say yes”

He softly strummed his finger against her thigh. The sensation made her dizzy and she struggled to compose herself. It had been a while. Her last relationship ended a year ago and the Tinder dates just weren’t cutting it anymore.

Florian leaned closer once more and brought his mouth to her ear.

“Want to bet on how many times I can make you come in one night?”

Her resolve weakened and she closed her eyes as she fought for control of her libido. This was not what she had in mind when she made her way to the club.

Fighting past her bodies screams for release, she sat up straight and scooted away from him.

“Flo, I’m here to think. I can’t be distracted. Not now”

He picked up on the solemn tone of her voice. Maybe he was coming in a little too strong. Her friend was just killed and now she was left with an illegal business that she felt ill equipped to run alone. His attempt at seducing her didn’t really help.

“He cared a lot about you, you know? And he respected the hell out of you”

She nodded as she took another pull from the hose, trying to fight back the tears that would undoubtedly come. Klaus truly was her friend. And because of some stupid deal that she didn’t even want him to take, he was dead. She’d never hear his infectious laugh or be on the receiving end of one of his bear hugs again. A chill ran through her as she blew out a plume of smoke.

“Snow, did you hear me?”

“What?”

“I said, let me take you home. This is the last place you need to be”

“I can’t. I need to be here”

“No you don’t. Elias has the club under control. We’ll figure out the rest ourselves, okay?”

Maybe now wasn’t the right time. She’d always prided herself on being rational and calculated. It was hard to be that way when so many emotions swirled through her heart and mind. Fear being the biggest one. What if this was all going to collapse? What if she was next?

She nodded, focusing on fighting back the unshed tears that blurred her vision. This was not how the night was supposed to go. But it was for the best. The business could wait. Right now she needed a distraction. She handed Florian her keys and let him guide her out the club, ignoring the curious stares that followed. Fuck them she thought. It was none of their business who she took home.

They rode in her car in silence. She was careful who she let drive her baby but she trusted Florian for some strange reason. Occasionally his eyes would wander over to her seat so that he could admire her toned legs. He imagined them wrapped around his waist while he drove into her. Or maybe over his shoulders while he pounded into her. Snow smirked to herself as she caught him staring in the mirror.

“Drei” she blurted out. He turned to her as best he could, a curious look on his face.

“You wanted to bet how many times you can make me come tonight. Die antwort ist drei”  

Surprise registered on his face as he took in what she was saying. She was giving him the green light, and he had no intention of passing up on the offer. Florian drove like a mad man, weaving through traffic with a fierce determination. The sounds of blaring car horns filled the air as he made his way to her apartment. When they finally pulled into the parking space outside, he turned the car off and turned to Snow. The tension in the air was thick and he fought to compose himself.

“Are you sure you want this?” he asked

“Since when did you become such a gentleman?”

“I just don’t want you to regret this. If you say yes, I won’t hold back. If you say yes, then I’m going to make it my mission to explore every inch of your luscious body. Willst du das??”

With an unmistakable nod, she gave him the answer he wanted. She gazed into his hazel eyes, and found that his eyes were slowly flickering down to her plump lips. Florian leaned forward to kiss her, relishing in the feel of her soft lip against his. Her brought up a hand to tenderly stroke her cheek, causing her to gasp. He took the opportunity to slip in his tongue, gently coaxing her to deepen the kiss.

Something came over Snow as she unbuckled her seat belt and climbed over to straddle his lap. Without breaking the kiss, he leaned his seat back to give them more space. His hands lowered down to her ass which he held a tight grip on.

He broke the kiss, bringing his lips to the tender spot underneath her ear and began to place open mouth kisses there. The feeling made her head fuzzy with need and she felt her wetness drip from her center.

“Flo” she moaned, rocking her hips against his. She felt the substantial bulge in his jeans and it made her even more desperate for release. He chuckled against her skin before bringing his lips to hers and planting a hot open mouth kiss.

His hands moved strategically over her body, as if he was studying every spot that drew a response. He committed it to memory, trusting that this wouldn’t be the last time he’d get to taste her. He took both her hands in his and pinned them above her head and he continued to kiss her which she returned with fierce determination. The inside of his car began to fill with the sounds of her moans as he slid his hands up her right thigh.

His talented fingers began to glide between her legs. Much to his delight he discovered there were no panties to remove and his fingers found the source of the wetness sliding down her shapely mocha legs.

"Enjoying yourself are we?" he teased as he circled her clit. She moaned and shook, unable to formulate a response.

"Gut" he said as he slipped a finger inside and massaged her g-spot. She shuddered and felt himself hardened as her walls clenched his thick fingers.

He kissed her and continued to massage her inner walls while stroking her clit. The sensation of his mouth devouring her while stroking her most sensitive spot, caused heat to spread through her body. She knew her orgasm was close and she didn’t even care that they hadn’t even made it inside her apartment.

“Fuck, Flo, I’m-”

He pumped his fingers into her, stroking the soft spongy part of her with a wicked speed while coaxing her to her release. With added pressure on her clit, she detonated around him, her warm center tightening around him with a vice grip. He placed soft kisses on her neck, which she exposed to him as she threw her head back in ecstasy.

“That was one” she purred, coming down from her orgasm. She saw the flash of persistence in his eye and immediately knew she was in for a wild night. The gauntlet had been thrown down and he was more than ready to pick it up.

“Let’s get you in the house, jetzt” he growled before crushing his lips to hers.

They stumbled into the foyer of her apartment, a tangled mess of hands and lips. The ride up to her floor was nothing but him pushing her up against the elevator wall and teasing her already sensitive flesh. And right now, with them finally having privacy, she felt a mixture of excitement and fear.

“Where’s your bedroom?” he grunted, pulling his lips from hers.

“Upstairs, second room on the right”

With no effort, Florian picked her up and made his way up the steps. She began teasing him, suckling and nibbling on the soft flesh of his earlobe. His skin broke out in goosebumps making her smile with satisfaction. He made his way to her bedroom and crushed his lips onto hers, slamming the door behind him with his foot. They remained locked in a deep kiss, her legs wrapped around him, grinding on the front of his jeans. He tossed her onto the bed and she fell with a squeal of delight. After giggling and catching her breath she looked up at him.

He couldn't remember wanting anything so badly. He watched as she crawled on her hands and knees to the front of the bed and started to unbuckle his belt. Taking off his shirt, he measured the gorgeousness of her feminine curves as they lay before him. The gentle arch in her back, the slight hourglass form that widened into the luscious, full heart shape of her butt.

He needed to devour her; to put her in the ecstatic trance that drew him like a magnet to her in the first place. He needed to taste this irresistible creature.

She had succeeded in the arduous task of loosening his belt and had her little hand down the front of his boxers grasped gently around his thick member. He saw her eyes widen and her tongue trace across her lips in anticipation. He pushed his jeans to the ground so she could get an easier grip but when she went to take him in his mouth, he stopped her, took her hand off his member and kissed it.

"You first..."

Florian shoved Snow back onto the bed. She tumbled over with a giggle and a sigh as he crawled over the top of her. He teased her swollen clit with the tip of his shaft for a second and felt her shiver at the contact.

He began at her neck kissing slowly and biting gently, savoring her smell and every inch of her flavor. He made his way to her toned belly and grazed his lips over her navel, watching her toned tummy rise and fall as her breathing became more erratic. He positioned his shoulders under her thighs and gazed at her glistening pussy, laid open for him. Kissing the inside of her right thigh, then suckling the inside of her left, he reveled in her scent. It reminded him of citrus and honey.

With a long, flat tongue he tasted her.He groaned in appreciation at how sweet and juicy she tasted. Craving more, he  wrapped his arms around her legs and pulled her closer to his face, burying his mouth in her delicious folds. He could feel her wetness soaking his lips but it only made him more excited. His tongue danced around the sensitive flesh as he responded to her gasps and moans.

“Don’t stop, please don’t stop” she begged.

His dick throbbed painfully, wanting in on the action. But this was for her. And he loved making her moan. It was such deep satisfaction to feel the power he had over her. She followed his lead, grinding her hips against the entirety of his mouth, using the friction to get closer and closer to her destination.

He flicked his tongue across her clit in a fluid motion and inserted two eager fingers into her slick center. Her moan rose into a pleasure-filled shriek, he heard her breath come in quicker and knew she was close to her release.

“Fuck!” she cried out, her walls tensing around his fingers as she released once more in a succulent explosion that left his mouth soaking to the bottom of his nose and his hand wet all the way to his wrist. His beard glistened with her juices and it drove him wild to be covered in her scent.

“That was two” he grunted, a sense of pride filling him. He had always been a competitive man and this was one game he was sure to win. She lay sprawled, unable to open her eyes, but with a contented smile on her lips as the waves of her body's aftershock shook her, gently bouncing her breasts. He knew she was more than ready for him.

He quickly stripped her of the rest of her clothing, the white midi dress discarded somewhere on her bedroom floor. He was surprised to discover that in addition to no panties, she’d forgone a bra as well.

“No underwear huh? Well aren’t we nasty” he taunted, as he stroked his dick along her already sensitive clit.

“Shut up and fuck me Florian” she growled, growing impatient. Two orgasms weren’t enough, she wanted more. She needed him to fill her.

He slid his body atop hers, looking deeply into her soulful brown eyes as he sank into her. Her nails dug into his skin as he pulled out before thrusting forward and bottoming out inside her.

He began long, slow, deep strokes wanting her to feel every ridge and vein of his thick cock. Her eyes were closed and she was moaning with every down stroke, perfectly in tune with his pace.

“So fucking wet” he gasped as her felt her soft folds took him in deeper and deeper. He had decided in that moment that this was his favorite place to be. He could spend the rest of his life between her thighs and die a happy man.

Her cheeks flushed as the walls of her pussy tightened around him. She knew he was big from the feel of his bulge in the car but she still gasped in surprise when he filled her up. The way he moved within her drove her wild and she was desperate for more. She hooked her leg around his waist, aching for him to be as close to him as she possibly could.

“Please baby, harder” she urged, wanting to feel him fully unleash on her.  Teasingly, he pulled all the way out until just the head was inside her and paused. She opened her eyes and looked at him pleadingly, biting her lower lip hard. He sank his cock back inside her and paused again, causing her to quiver.

“Fuck Flo, get to it!” she cried, causing something inside of him to snap. He picked up his pace, his hips thrusting in her with a feverish need. She was panting as he fucked her and leaned up to kiss him hungrily. His tongue entered her mouth even as his cock penetrated her, hitting that sweet spot. And with one sudden jerk of his hips, he felt her pussy grip him tightly before exploding all around him.

“Oh my fucking God!” she screamed as her entire body dissolved into the waves of pleasure flowing through her. Florian continued to move inside her, softly stroking her face and hair while whispering sweet words in her ear. She was completely shattered, but the hard cock pulsing inside of her told her that the night was far from over.

“And there’s three. Think you got one more for me baby?” he cooed. Her hooded gaze told him she was spent, but he was determined to win this bet. He knew he could push her past the brink of satisfaction one last time.

He pulled out of her and effortlessly flipped her over, leaving her chest pressed into the mattress. He then led her to the edge of the bed, pullingg her lower body up onto her knees. Standing behind her, Florian pushed her head down to the mattress and rubbed the head of my cock against her dripping wet slit.

With a quick thrust forward, he buried his cock inside her roughly, grabbing onto her hips for leverage.

“Fuck!” they both cried out simultaneously.

Snow arched her back, throwing her head back in ecstasy. He grabbed a handful of her hair and used it to pull her back against him as he slammed his cock into her hard and fast. She moaned wantonly, and he felt the familiar tremor of her walls.

“Are you going to come for me again baby?” he cooed into her ear.

She could barely respond but her body answered for him.

“Hold it liebling” he urged, as he pounded into her fiercely.

Her body shook with every thrust of his hips and she wondered just how she would fend off this impending orgasm. As if it wasn’t hard enough, he wrapped both hands around her neck and began fucking her harder.

Her body had no choice but to surrender to his brutal assault and she wailed into the mattress as she fought to stop herself from coming. His thick cock was buried deep inside of her, relentlessly filling her up and staking its claim over her. And just when she thought she couldn’t hold it any longer, he granted her release.

“Fuck, Snow, come! Come all over this dick!” he growled before emptying inside of her, coating her walls with thick ribbons of his cum. Her last orgasm ripped through her, leaving her a screaming mess underneath him. She had never been more thankful for her penthouse apartment that separated her from the rest of her neighbors.

Florian gently pulled out of her before laying next to her. They laid next to each other, both trying to calm their breathing and make sense of what had just transpired between them.

“So I guess I won the bet” he remarked smugly, while taking in her appearance. Her hair stuck to her forehead, dampened by the thin sheen of sweat that had broken out across her body.

“Shut up” she ragged, still struggling to catch her breath. He couldn’t help the chuckle that broke from his lips and pretty soon, they were both laughing hysterically, their arms and legs tangled together.

“What’s my prize. For exceeding your expectations?”

“The nut you got was enough of a prize” she retorted, her head now gently laid on his toned chest. She lazily drew circles around his pecs, relishing in the feel of his warm skin.

“Fair enough”

“But we do have a more serious issue on our hands now,” she continued. The problems she had at the club were still there and a few orgasms wouldn’t be enough to rid her of them. Florian looked down at her expectantly, waiting for her to explain what she meant.

“I need you to walk me through the business. I want to take over.”

Translations:

Wusstest du nicht, dass es unhöflich ist zu starren?- Didn’t you know that it’s rude to stare?

Ja. Ich bin nur überrascht, dich hier zu sehen, Schnee - Yeah, I’m just surprised to see you here Snow.

Darf ich mich setzen?”- May I sit?

“Wirst du mich nerven?- Are you going to annoy me?

Drei/Die antwort ist drei- Three/ The answer is three

Willst du das?- Do you want this?

Gu- Good

Jetzt-Now

Liebling- Darling

Let me know if you want to be added to a tag list for this story! I hope you like it because I’m so excited to continue writing this!

[aprxl-showers]

sneak peek from my klance frozen fic on ao3

(( after they meet in Coran’s store and Keith begrudgingly agrees to take Lance to the North Mountain ))

***

“Okay... Lance... hang on, Kosmo likes to go fast.” ‘Keith the ice guy’ adjusted his grip on the reins as Kosmo transported them up the snowy slope. Lance had immediately shut down the whole ‘your highness’ thing, insisting it was weird because it was. It was dark, Keith’s lantern the only source of light apart from the moon.

“That’s cool, I like fast,” Lance laughed, putting his feet up on the front of the sledge. Keith swatted them down immediately muttering something about it taking ages to polish. Lance pouted as he inspected it. Once Keith seemed satisfied that Lance hadn’t ruined his valuable polishing work he turned back to face him.

“So,” he began, “Care to explain what made your sister set all this off?”

“I honestly don’t know how it happened,” Lance began, “It was my fault really.”

“Oh?” Keith seemed to take joy in that fact. Lance scowled at him,

“See, I met this guy and we got engaged and it was honestly so romantic but then she ruined the mood because she wouldn’t bless the marriage. She was lamenting on and on about how it was weird since we’d only met that day-”

“Wait, hold up,” Keith looked from him to the track ahead, “You’re telling me that you got engaged to a man you just met that day?”

“Yeah, anyway, so I got really annoyed because this guy’s really cute and we seem to really go together? So I said that I didn’t get her deal so of course she also got mad. Then, she tried to storm out of the party, a party thrown for her by the way, so I grabbed her glove-”

“Hang on,” Keith interrupted him, again, “You got engaged to someone you just met that day?”

“Yes, pay attention,” Lance rolled his eyes. Was that really the thing he was taking away from this? “Anyway, she wore these gloves all the time so I thought maybe she just had mysophobia or something, y’know, fear of dirt?”

“I know what mysophobia is,” Keith muttered. “But seriously, back to the engagement thing, how do you know you want to spend the rest of your life with this guy? Didn’t anyone ever warn you about strangers?”

Lance paused, looking Keith up and down.

“Uh-huh,” he replied, edging away from Keith who rolled his eyes, “But Lotor is not a stranger!”

“Oh yeah?” Keith’s tone was challenging, “What’s his last name?”

“Of-Northern-Daibazaal,” Lance replied confidently. Honestly, who knew any royalties' real last names nowadays? Keith didn’t look convinced,

“That’s not a last name. How about… his favourite food?”

“Dark Chocolate.”

“Really? I’m guessing half the stuff at that party was chocolatey and he took a liking to it? That doesn’t prove anything.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” Lance spat out because that was exactly what happened however that didn’t give Keith the right to make assumptions.

“Sure. What’s his best friend’s name?”

“Probably a wonderfully respectable name, unlike Keith,” he jeered. Keith fixed with an exasperated look.

“Eye colour?”

“Silver. Super dreamy,” Lance chuckled, fake swooning, leaning into Keith’s personal space. Keith continued, undeterred, his eyes on the road.

“How about shoe size?”

“Shoe size doesn’t- Holy crow, Keith! That is inappropriate!” Lance hit him on the forearm.

“You haven’t had a meal with him, right?” Lance nodded. Keith faced him again, “What if you hate the way he eats? What if he’s super picky or is really rude to the servers? What if he has absolutely awful table manners?”

“Keith, buddy, my man, he is a prince,” Lance scoffed, as if that was enough of an explanation.

“Princes can be rude. I happen to know a very annoying one. Maybe you know him?”

“Excuse me. Anyway, I’m sure he eats very gracefully. And besides, does it matter? It’s true love.”

“It doesn’t sound like true love. You’ve known this man for less than twenty four hours and as soon as you get engaged your sister freaks out and freezes everything? Sorry to burst your lovely little love bubble but I think the universe might be trying to tell you something.” Keith shrugged. Lance’s defensiveness flared.

“I don’t see why you think you can butt into my affairs. What are you, some sort of love expert?”

“Well, no,” Keith seemed to deflate a little. Lance took this as a victory. Keith carried on, “But I have friends who are. They’re constantly talking about how ‘love is tough’ and marriage is ‘a whole lot of hard work but is worth it in the end’.”

Lance laughed, loud and unabashed. A confused expression crossed over Keith’s face.

“You? Friends? And what’s more, friends who are ‘love experts’? I don’t believe you.” Lance taunted, not realising they’d stopped until he heard the silence. “Wait, what-”

“Stop talking.”

“No, no, no, listen, I’d like to meet these love ex-urmph,” Lance’s sentence was cut off as he felt a gloved hand slap over his mouth.

“Shut up,” Keith whispered, tone more serious. Lance pushed his hand away from his face, about to complain when Keith shushed him, taking his lantern from the hanger and peering into the woods around them. Kosmo’s ears were up and they twitched every so often.

“What is it?” He whispered. Keith ignored him.

Lance observed as Keith leant further out the sledge. Suddenly, he retracted back with speed, tugging at Kosmo’s reins. Kosmo began to run, even faster than he had been going before.

“Shit! Shit, shit, shit,” Keith repeated over and over like a mantra. Lance tutted at him.

“Language, Keith, you are in the presence of royalty!”

“Lance, please,” Keith was fully serious now. Lance picked up on his genuine expression and quietened his voice. It was then he heard noises from behind the sledge. They were being chased!

“What are they?” He scanned the area behind them. He couldn’t see anything.

“Yuppers.” Keith’s voice was clipped, “C’mon Kosmo.”

And sure enough, Lance could hear the noises more clearly now.

“Yup, yup, yup, yup.”

“Yuppers? What are-”

Out from the shadows, a large beast with glowing yellow eyes and short horns leapt up at the side of the truck. Lance shrieked embarrassingly high (he would deny this later) and kicked it in the chest.

“That was a yupper,” Keith confirmed.

“Oh.”

Lance looked over to Keith who was hunched over the back of the seat, sorting through his cargo. Lance started to do the same. Keith glared at him,

“What do you think you’re doing?” He pushed Lance back. Lance sprung up,

“Helping! What does it look like? There are weird glowy-eyed creatures trying to eat us.”

“No!” Keith shoved him back once again, “Don’t fall off. Stay.”

“I’m not a dog, man, and why not?” Keith had managed to make a torch using the fire from the lantern and a piece of old material. He held it out to keep the creatures down.

“I just don’t trust your judgement.” Keith’s words were distracted and hurtful. Lance’s cheeks burned.

“Excuse me?”

“Who gets engaged to someone they just met?”

“I can’t believe you keep bringing that up, it is none of your business!” He grabbed the nearest thing from the pile of objects in the back and raised it in the air. Ice tongs. Of course. “And plus, it’s true love! Duck!”

With that he swung the tongs forward. Keith ducked, luckily, and Lance smacked an attacking yupper square in the face. Keith straightened up.

“What the hell, Lance? You could have knocked me out!” He yelled, taking the tongs from Lance with his free hand, inspecting them for damage. Lance shrugged. However, with Keith’s attention elsewhere and the fire away from the side of the sledge, a yupper took the opportunity and got a hold of Keith’s coat, pulling him from the sledge. Lance reached out to grab the torch in mid air before it fell, watching in horror as Keith was dragged down. He heaved a huge sigh of relief when he saw Keith grab onto a rope trailing behind the sledge. Kosmo kept running, despite it all, but it was clear he was distressed at Keith’s endangerment.

Thinking on his feet, something he was rather good at, Lance reached down to a pile of blankets, setting them alight. He then tossed the extinguished torch into the trees at their sides.

“Help is on the way. Look out!” With relatively accurate aim, the burning bunch of material soared right to where the yuppers were beginning to pull at Keith’s clothing, the man in question crying out in pain at a particularly hard bite. He saw the flaming mass just in time, having the instincts to lower his head and the yuppers immediately broke away from him. Lance let out a whoop of victory, reaching down to help Keith up the rope. His hat had fallen onto his seat during the fall, its absence revealing dark hair and…was that a mullet?

“I can’t believe you almost set me on fire.” Keith let out a puff of air when he was safely back in his seat.

“But I didn’t! You’re not even going to thank me?”

“You just got lucky, I bet that throw was just a fluke.”

“Screw you, mullet!” Lance growled, angry at Keith for not acknowledging the fact he basically saved his life! Bad judgement indeed. His aim was impeccable thank you very much.

“What? My name is Keith and I do not have a mullet or whatever!” Keith fumed, hand instinctively rising to his hair, reaching for his hat. Lance felt a little better for getting a rise out of him.

“That’s debatable but alright,” he smirked, turning back to the road, smile fading immediately. Now, Lance rarely swore but he agreed that this situation called for a very well deserved- “Fuck.”

“What was all that about language earlier?” Keith joked, chuckling until he followed Lance’s line of sight. “Oh. Fuck indeed.”

Ahead of them was a steep drop and a large canyon. They were going too fast to slow and stop without falling off the edge. Lance leant forward.

“Ready to jump Kosmo?”

Keith was next to him.

“You don’t get to tell him what to do,” he shouted.

Before Lance could register what was happening, Keith had thrust a bag into his hand and was wrapping an arm around his waist. Without a word of warning, Keith threw Lance - chucked him as if he were cargo - onto Kosmo’s back with surprising strength.

“Woah!” Lance squawked in shock as he flailed in the air for a moment before landing roughly on Kosmo’s back. The wolf kept running as if it were nothing. Keith called out behind him,

“Jump Kosmo!”

And they were flying.

READ THE ENTIRE THING - ‘The First Time In Forever’ - ON MY AO3!! LINK IN PINNED POST AT THE TOP OF MY BLOG

[whatwashernameagain]

Keep him safe - Chapter 34

You can read the previous Chapters here: Ch 1, Ch 5, Ch 10, Ch 15, Ch 20, Ch 25, Ch 30, previous chapter, Ao3 Link, Lo’s, Pat’s and Virgil’s aesthetics, You are Magical, I’m dying to be with you, The Dreamer

Pairings: Logan/Patton, Roman/Virgil

Words: 9.007

Warnings: Roman and Virgil’s horny thoughts (not explicit), slight mention of cross dressing, scratches, political criticism, cursing – let me know if I forgot one!                 

Summary: Detective  Logan Sanders and his best friend and dorky partner Roman Prince have  made a dear friend in the lovely pattisier Patton. Logan however, feels a  lot more than friendship for the sweet man, even though he knows he  cannot possibly have him. Their routine is broken abruptly when Logan  finds bruises on Patton’s fair skin and slender wrists he could hardly  have received from his costumary clumsiness.   Meanwhile his partner  Roman has his own demon to fight, which comes in the form of a little  delinquent who seemed to have been pulled into a street gang quite  against his will. Roman is determined to help the strange young man. It  would be so much easier though if he just stopped hissing at him!

Notes: Thanks to @sebthesnipe​ for proof reading even though she is the busiest person in the world and to @ultimate-queen-of-fandoms2​ for being amazing and running the KHS Discord server for two amazing years now.

Chapter 34

“Hey asshole, pick your shit up! What the fuck is wrong with you?!” Virgil screeched at the unsuspecting dog walker from his spot at the front door of their apartment building, already seething with anger. He’d just gotten back from his early morning training at Talyn’s place and had been looking forward to finishing it with Logan, who was currently on his run. And now this dirtbag was getting all up in this shit – or… Virgil was getting up in the dude’s shit. Well sue him!

The man startled, looking down at the cigarette butt he’d tossed to the ground carelessly.

“What’s wrong with me? You can’t just call me an asshole over nothing! Who do you think you are? Where I throw my fags is none of your business.”

Oh, that had been a mistake.

Virgil abandoned his attempt to unlock the door and got right into the man’s face, ignoring the bulldog happily yaping around his heels. He was so ready for this.

“Over NoThInG? Listen up, you hollow walnut!”

Before he could start ranting properly, a familiar tall man wearing a band tee with a ripped collar, no shoes and wild eyes materialized next to him.

“Oohh yay, are we throwing away our stuff???” He cheered, immediately emptying his pockets and throwing everything on the ground with glee. Bloody tissues, clothespins, a folding knife, crumbling dog treats (immediately slobbered away by enthusiastic dog) and a worn, tiny bible. Papers immediately started spilling out of it – some filled with scribbled thoughts or to do lists, others with faded printouts. In his back pockets he found a bunch of candy wrappers he immediately threw up to rain around himself, unintentionally tossing a pocket Quran along with it which he hastily fumbled with so not to drop it.

Virgil ducked out of the radius of his debris, as usual weirded out and awed in equal parts by professor Duke. The dog-walker looked at him like he’d just bitten off his own foot.

“The hell? Fags aren’t the same as your garbage, you crazy freak!” The man exclaimed, thoroughly disturbed.

“No, dude. They’re much worse!” Virgil growled, ignoring Remus trying to free his fingers from a distressed looking worm on a string he’d gotten tangled in. Quite a few people had stopped to watch them, yet with the professor cheerfully making a scene next to him, Virgil managed to keep his head high despite the heat and anxiety making his heart race.

“Cigarette butts contain over 4000 toxic substances and are virtually indestructible.” The young delinquent hissed. “The filters are made of a plastic called cellulose acetate and they take 10 years to decompose completely- just one of those fucks poisons one cubic meter of water and kills all the fucking fish in it.”

“You should pick it up, friend. Before I get ideas about where to put it out.” Remus cooed sweetly, before ruining the elegant subtly of his threat by becoming way too graphic.

“In your face!” He screeched, flailing grandly and wiggling his fingers, the bulldog distracting him by nosing at his pockets, hoping for more treats. Its owner used the chance to sullenly grab his cigarette stub and get away.

“You shouldn’t have a doggy-dog if you can’t handle being a clean boy!” Remus hollered after him, way too loud and shameless. “Do you not wipe your ass after you take a shit either? You naughty, dirty boy? Is it a sex thing? That is the one sex thing you keep in your bedroom!”

Virgil was blushing thoroughly, not enjoying the attention despite the righteous fire still fueling his anger. What the fuck was wrong with people throwing their garbage on the ground? What were they thinking? Not only did somebody else have to pick it up, it also fell apart to become microplastic and the nicotine, tar and heavy metals – all 4.5 trillion of them that were thrown away each year. Fuck smokers who did that! They were what was wrong with the word! Seriously, could you be any more of a useless human if they were not even able to throw their trash away properly? Full offense, Virgil wanted to kick them in the face.

People were staring and murmuring around them and though he didn’t feel bad about his reaction, his heart was still in his throat at all the attention.

“What? Are you not entertained enough, you mindless sheep?” Remus roared brightly, spreading his arms and bouncing up and down on his toes, placing himself in front of the younger man. “Would you like me to sing you a song about the misfortunes of little Jimmy who doesn’t pick up his litter? Spoilers – he gets eaten by an octoshaaaark!”

He struck a dramatic pose and drew a deep breath. People started fleeing.

“Aw dang.” Remus pouted.

Virgil chuckled, feeling surprising affection well up in him. Remus was scary, yeah, definitely, but he was also an ally to his cause, and that meant a lot to him.

Crouching down and using the opportunity to let his hair fall over his face, he started picking up the non-bloody articles Logan’s neighbor had scattered on the ground.

“Why do you have a bible and a copy of the constitution?” He asked, trying to shake the paper from his fingers and finding it disconcertingly sticky. Was that a cough drop? Ugh, he’d have to disinfect his whole body.

“For arguments with conservatives!” Remus answered happily. “I like slapping them in the face with the dick that is my arguments every time they go all bibly-christiany on me! They don’t love the fact that Jesus was a sandal wearing liberal that much – a lot like I am, actually! Not that facts work well with them – I found that barking and bending over backwards with your tongue lolling out works best. Makes an impression!”

He’d settled down next to Virgil cross-legged, bouncing his knees, and started munching on the dry little cookie thingies the bulldog had missed. “Dog treat?” He asked generously, holding one out.

“Why?” Virgil asked, completely bewildered. They were, indeed, little bone shaped dog treats.

“I like the way they crunch!”

“…okay.”  

Virgil still tried to make sense of the interaction he was currently having and found that using facts was indeed a lost cause with many republicans – which in this case was a generous euphemism for racists and Nazis, so one could just as well try what the crazy man did. Not everyone deserved to have a stage, after all.

Quietly, he examined the other. The ripped T-shirt made the wide collar slip down one of his skinny shoulders and the jeans he wore had definitely seen better days. His dark skin didn’t do much to hide the bluish shadows under his eyes. And also his naked, dirty feet were disgusting.

Dumping the stuff he’d picked up into the professor’s lap, he stood up. “Take a shower and come up at twelve, I’m making veggie burgers.”

There would be so much complaining once Roman found out he’d invited Remus.

***

Logan ran a hand through his sweaty hair, pulling the damp, raven locks out of his face. His muscles were burning pleasantly from his run and he was looking forward to his post workout stretch with Virgil. It would be illogical not to use the knowledge of an experienced gymnast for advice, after all. Though his little delinquent was still shy about it, the detective found he appeared to enjoy exercising together, as long as they were doing it in the safety of Virgil’s room where he could comfortably hide in his oversized sweaters.

His thoughts amusedly circled back to the way Virgil had to shake his hands free from his overly long sleeves whenever he reached for his feet while he fumbled his keys free from the little pocket sewn into his close-fitting trousers. As usual, Logan fetched the mail on his way up, sighing as a stack of colorful envelopes fell into his hands. Glitter rained down from one of them. With more gentleness than he felt inclined to, he beat the stack of bulging papers against the side of the building to loosen the shimmering plastic particles. Did this action constitute a case of littering, he wondered. He resolved to bring down his vacuum cleaner to deal with the mess after his shower.

On his way up, the detective separated the pile into his and Roman’s mail, ending up with sensibly sized, white envelopes in one hand, and a bunch of offensively colored, suspiciously rattling, sticker covered, perfumed fan mail his partner was greedily waiting for. He kicked the professor’s apartment door closed as he passed it, satisfied to hear him mumbling over the running shower in the also open bathroom.  

Roman was already lurking in the opened door to Logan’s own apartment like a silk-clad dragon looking to expand his hoard, bouncing excitedly on the balls of his feet. Logan rolled his eyes. Despite having received letters for a week already, he was still overly enthusiastic about them every day. And he still refused to get them himself, instead he let Logan hand them to him exasperatedly like some strange ceremony.

The young detective snatched the pile eagerly, pouting as Logan held back two of them, not liking the powdery, sandy sound they were making when he tilted them. It was likely more beads or glitter, yet they still went into the box by the door to be checked in the lab (as they all should). He had ordered the post office whose address the fan-mail was sent to, to be extra vigilant before delivering the mail to his apartment, but he would most certainly not put the safety of his family at risk. He wondered, once again, whether he ought to borrow a service dog to check the mail for – preferably the rest of their lives actually.

“Look, Patton fairest, what the wind has blown in!” Roman sang cheerfully, twirling around the baker gracefully and then taking him for a spin and dip.

Patton giggled, stumbling and holding on to the tall detective, getting his lovely curls all tangled up in the frame of his glasses.

Smiling contently, Logan slunk into Virgil’s room to engage in what he hoped to turn into a routine. The young man was already waiting for him – playing on his phone curled up on the dresser between the planet lights he had kept, hair curling slightly with dampness from his private routine in Talyn’s gym he was slowly taking up again.

Meanwhile, Roman flopped onto the couch and yanked Patton into his arms enthusiastically, wanting to share his happiness and also maybe trying to distract him a little bit from his preparations for his return to the café. He wanted to support his friend, he really did, but he couldn’t help trying to put off unpleasant tasks for as long as possible instead of facing them. It was an issue he’d always had – one that had driven Logan half-crazy before he’d started to deal with many of those tasks himself and handed over others to Roman instead. They were making it work.

Roman didn’t actually have to do anything for the café, but the plan to reopen it, no matter how much Patton needed it, still made him antsy. Trevor-the-villainous-fiend could be lurking there. Who knew what could happen? After all, they had neatly avoided any contact, despite how often he had secretly talked the little baker out of calling him in the night when he’d been frightened and guilty. Which had been a lot of times. Better not tell Logan about that.

Well, distracting himself until the problem went away or got horribly unavoidable was a strategy that had gotten him through life just fine (now that he had Logan to read his paperworky-mail which he had an almost insurmountable aversion against dealing with), so he cuddled the baker close and settled in for some pleasant distractions.

Patton probably knew what he was doing, considering the way he pushed their cheeks together and hummed sweetly. Ugh, Roman felt so loved, it was too much for words. He squeezed Patton’s little body at his side closer to himself, just needing to hold on so suddenly. He loved him so much his heart was pounding with it. Feeling giddy with it, Roman jiggled and rocked them happily, delighting in the laugh he elicited.

“Alrighty, my most precious Patton, shall we discover the adoration of my beloved fans together?” The young man cheered, bright with eagerness.

“Yes! Now that I’m enveloped in a hug letters begin!”

Pulling his legs close to curl comfortably into Roman’s hug, and lean against his warm, broad chest, Patton selected the first envelope – a loudly patterned lilac one. Roman ripped it open with childish pleasure.

“Ohhhhhhhh!” He cooed, the sound almost too high for a man this large. “Isn’t this the most delightful thing you have ever seen, my fairest friend?!”

He was unfolding a drawing of himself in full superhero regalia, cape and sash and all, clearly drawn by a little child. Picture Roman was holding hands with a little kid each – a dark skinned girl in a princess dress and a blonde child of indeterminable gender due to the quality of the drawing. They were wearing a knight’s armor with a lightsaber as much as he could tell. It was adorable and Patton was putting it on the fridge. His eyes were watering at how cute it was.

“Oh.my.god. Virgil, my starry night, come here and see this!” Roman howled, very close to Patton’s ear.

The grumbling from next door indicated the delinquent’s feeling about the nickname as well as the interruption.

Roman waved the letter around with so much enthusiasm it nearly dislodged Patton. With a squeak, the baker held on to the tall man’s neck, even though the strong arm around his waist held him safely where he was almost pulled into Roman’s lap entirely.

Virgil, dressed in a mix of his old gymnastics’ clothes and his newer, oversized hoodie that hid as much as possible and fell all the way over his hips, didn’t really feel like being seen by the attractive detective right now. He didn’t mind Logan seeing him in his pants that fit his toned, long legs like a second skin, but with Roman, he felt a little more self-conscious. Especially about the combination with the ratty, overly long hoodie.

He used to wear tight fitting shirts that he now knew could look quite enticing when they slipped up his middle as he stretched or exposed his shoulders, but he didn’t feel confident enough to pick them out himself anymore. He wanted to look pretty for Roman more with every day, but considering the way the man had seen him in the past, he didn’t know if he could pull it off. Maybe Roman would feel like he was dressing up like a whore again - wearing a costume to seduce him. He didn’t know what made him so reluctant to dress better, it was just – such a big step and he didn’t know how to go about it anymore. So he wrapped his arms around his middle and hoped not to look too annoyed and uncomfortable. Especially considering how happy Roman appeared. So bright and innocent.

He was radiant.

And he was reading fan mail.

Virgil didn’t love the fan mail. Not at all. Remy had been forced to listen about it for a long time. He just hated the thought of those dirty minded, thirsty bitches getting to tell his man about all of the horny things they came up with while they drooled over his pictures. The fuck was wrong with them, trying to steal his- his- argh Virgil hated them with a passion, okay?! Who knew what ideas they were putting into that beautiful idiot’s head?

Remy was still patient with him thought, however the fuck he managed to do it. Virgil had the feeling he was being indulgently laughed at when he raged about the letters over the phone. So what if he hadn’t actually read any of them?! Roman kept singing their praise to anyone who would listen, why would he need to look at them himself? He was sure they were every bit as awful as he imagined.

Roman looked too happy with them. Fuck that.

He really looked quite happy, actually.

Virgil slowed his steps suspiciously.

Giggling, Roman flattened the paper before his eyes to read to Virgil. He even tried to do the voice. A voice Virgil immediately recognized.

‘Tell my anxious doll to, like, not to be such a moody diva and come look at some cute fan mail with his eye-candy detective.’ Roman took a break to preen. ‘I promise you don’t have to be scared, babe. Y’all are just making tasks bigger and scarier by avoiding confrontation with unpleasant chores and then they, like, build up in your messy little minds and that is not cool cause it makes me work for my not-money. So have a letter written by my precious little baby girl angels as a treat, okay girlfriend?’

“Awwwww so sweet!” Patton sighed.

Roman looked thoughtful for a moment as he pulled out the third sheet of paper written with a rainbow pencil, probably by Emile since the girls were too little to write themselves. The words were all enthusiastic little girl, though.

“How would you feel about looking at just one or two letters with us before returning to my dearest partner?” Roman asked sweetly. “They truly are quite entertaining. Just yesterday I received one from the utterly ravishing miss Van der Beek. All her other friends promised to write as well. It turns out I am quite popular with distinguished ladies with more experience enjoying the finer things in life!”

“What he means to say, kiddo, is that old ladies just love our dashing prince. Most of those are sent by the cutest grannies from retirement homes.” Patton explained with a warm smile that was just a little mischievous. “That doesn’t mean they’re all innocent, though.” He added cheerfully. Truthfully, he was already itching to get his hands on the hilarious letters. Those ladies really weren’t shy and Patton secretly wanted to be just like them someday. Enjoying the good life and making the best puns about butts.

Roman didn’t mind the fact that most of his paper-mail was written by children and elderly women (and grandpas, sometimes). He received emails and even digital art from younger fans as well, and he adored them, so, so much, but since he couldn’t keep them in a box with the pictures and drawings and ribbons and whatnot he enjoyed the letters even more. He just loved how creative they were. They really made him feel special. He should have known they’d make his dearest raven anxious, though. He really hoped to put him at ease with this gentle introduction Remy had created for him. And it worked! Of course it did – Remy’s children were the most precious things in the world! He could barely wait for their play date next weekend!

He was a little relieved to find the other letters they opened to be just as fun and cute. They usually were. Patton had a talent for selecting the nice ones from looking at the envelope alone. Not all letters were super sweet of course, but that was why he rarely opened his fan-mail alone. Both Patton and Logan made the creepy ones disappear quite quickly. Virgil could handle those, Roman was sure, but there was one person whose letters would just upset his dear wildcat.

They’d come in fine, yellow envelopes with pressed yellow roses inside and were written in the most beautiful calligraphy he’d ever seen. Recognizing the handwriting on the outside, Roman had squirrelled them away quietly. He hadn’t been able to stop running his fingers over the gracefully curved ink and flowing, tender words for a long time. Guiltily, Roman kept them in a separate box. He didn’t know how to contact his nemesis/admirer and wanted to let them down gently, after all. Before he caught them to lock them away, of course. He just wasn’t entirely ready to give up this feeling. He’d never been courted this way before and it had softened him towards his nemesis.

Virgil returned to Logan more relieved than he had been before, especially since Miss Van der Beek’s friends had come through and had written the most outrageous fan-mail. Roman huddled up comfortably, opening one last letter with Patton before lunch. It was a square, heavy envelope made from cream colored thick, expensive paper. The card inside was heavy and decorated with ornate, delicate gold finishing on the curved corners. It opened in the middle and admitted a view of a beautifully printed card. It read

Invitation

to the Morgan’s annual charity ball 2020

at the Ritz Carlton

 All the air seemed to have left the room. The paper tilted in front of Roman’s eyes and slipped from his numb fingers.

*

“I just don’t understand – after all those years…” Roman stared at the invitation, almost vibrating with nervous energy. Whenever he closed his eyes, he saw his father’s face turn to stone as he refused to change his ways after nana’s burial. Even after such a long time, it was still crystal clear in his mind.

He wanted to jump up and pace frantically, yet he couldn’t bear to lose the grounding touch of the men gathered around him. Patton had pressed himself against his side as tightly as possible while Logan stood over him, tall and solid, keeping a firm hand on the back of his neck. Only Virgil was sitting with some distance between them since he was clearly too upset to soothe anyone. The golden embossed paper seemed to cause his fury to boil over almost entirely by itself. He looked pale and angry and… he snatched Roman’s sleeve with a thin hand, holding on tightly. His eyes were dark and so hurt on Roman’s behalf.

“They chased me away. Why would they want me there now?” He asked softy, looking at his family with a lost, helpless gaze.

The young detective agonized over the invitation for most of the day, carrying it around and reading it over and over again. Even the presence of Remus during lunch didn’t manage to get a rise out of him in this distraction, which clearly made the professor sulk. Especially since he had a few words to say about those republicans! Thankfully, Virgil and Logan made him some calming herbal tea after lunch (leaf piss, in his opinion but okay), and spent some time debating the advantages of actually murdering and eating the rich while nesting on Logan’s cozy balcony. Patton took Roman’s hand to go on a walk to help him clear his head. It helped.

“A Prince doesn’t shy away from a challenge. I owe it to my pride to go. I can and will do this with my head held high!” He proclaimed proudly at the dinner table the same night. Patton squeezed his hand in support, smiling at him warmly.

*

“I can’t do this! What was I thinking???” Roman wheezed, trying to calm his racing heart the next morning. “This is the height of hubris – I have fallen victim to the folly of man! There is no way I’m going!” He howled, pulling on his hair and staring at the letter like it would explode. What had he been thinking???

*

By midday, Roman proudly projected his voice through the entire flat from his perch on the coffee table. “I will be proud and gallant and dazzle everyone with my charming compliments and dashing appearance and my family shall be devastated to see what they missed when they threw away their most glittery offspring!”

His figure was bathed in the brightest sunlight. His fears forgotten, Roman was ready to take on anything!

*

“What if it was a mistake? Is this a mistake?” Roman wailed, flailing around with the mangled invitation in hand only an hour later. His eyes were wild. He’d been carrying the expensive paper everywhere with him, swinging erratically between nervous episodes of self-doubt and fear of his father and loud and boisterous assertions of confidence. His hair had become an utter mess from running his hands through it during dramatic monologues and moments of insecurity alike. The others were trying to allow him to come to a decision himself, but the lovely detective appeared to be coping poorly with the freedom.

Half an hour later, he was once again standing on the couch, posing heroically.

“Finally they shall see what a marvelous protector their son has become! A shining knight! A handsome hero dressed in blue!” He boasted, wide eyed and clearly trying to convince himself of his own worth – even as he was asserting his superiority, he was slipping into a pit of self-hate.

Virgil wanted to kill someone.

Seeing this beautiful, confident man spiral so deeply into mental instability because of a letter was ripping him open inside with nowhere for the blood and fear to go but the boiling maelstrom that was his protective fury.

That wasn’t what Roman needed now, though. Taking a deep breath, the barista reached for his man.

Virgil grabbed a hold of Roman’s surprisingly trim waist and pulled his heavy body down next to him. His mood swings between elation and terror were wearing the young man thin. Resigned and too tired to overthink, he yanked the already slightly worn invitation from the tan hands, chucked it on the coffee table, and folded his body onto the large detective’s lap in the wild, desperate hope to pin him down finally. He seemed to love when Patton did it.

The bold move made him sweat with anxiety, yet it was a much more comfortable form of comfort than talking about the issue and ending up insulting Roman’s family as he so desperately wanted. Physical contact had helped calm Roman down most so far, but Logan wasn’t here to grab his partner in a silent, firm hug that squished him against his chest until he grew quiet and Patton was on the phone with his staff, so no tangling his soft limbs with Roman’s now either.

Virgil had tried to keep his distance from the issue after Remy had explained that Roman needed to make his own decision. He probably hadn’t meant brooding in silent fury (while telling Patton what he was angry about and awkwardly reminding him that he loved him all the time).

He couldn’t help hating that republican trash that was Roman’s parents even more than before, though. He wasn’t confused about their motivations for a second. Those filthy pieces of shit were sensing an opportunity to improve their reputation with millennials who were rallying against billionaires who exploited the world – the environment as much as their workers – without even paying fucking taxes. Seriously, fuck Trump, fuck Jeff Bezos, fuck the Morgans! They would try to use Roman’s fame and honesty to claim him as a token to show off to liberals, to make themselves look tolerant and likeable with their beautiful, gay hero son. He was acceptable when it was useful to have a diversity card they could pull in debates, now that their homophobia and racism wasn’t as accepted as it used to be. Fuck them with a broken chair.

He couldn’t say all that, though. He’d just make Roman defensive in this terrible way that left Virgil nothing to work with. The taller man was never aggressive with him. Instead he grew quiet and sad and tried to make Virgil feel safe by being submissive and gentle and letting him have his way as he swallowed all of his pain and fear for everyone else’s sake. Roman didn’t need his anger. Logan had already gently told him about all of the fears he and Virgil shared and had offered his support, he didn’t need a reality check Virgil was desperately holding back. Roman knew they were using him – intellectually at least. Yet, his heart was probably hoping they were finally willing to love him.

So Virgil pulled himself together and silently leaned his lithe body against Roman’s broad chest and tried to gather the courage to say yes to the lovely man’s unspoken question.

The invitation contained a plus one.

Virgil had seen the way Roman’s gaze had sought him out hopefully. He wanted him there, which was astonishingly sweet, since Virgil was… well. Virgil. The fact that Roman, who was beautiful and elegant and charming to a dazzling degree wanted to show Virgil on his arm when he knew how judgmental this fucking crowd was, when he knew what they would think…

Yes, it was also completely and utterly terrifying.

Seriously. A charity ball. At the fucking Ritz? Even young and not so messed up Virgil would have hated the thought with the passion of any idealistic, liberal activist. Fucking corrupt money bags trying to look like they cared while they marinated in their arrogance and wealth while kids in America couldn’t pay for their school lunch and went hungry. While they supported putting fricking kids in actual fucking cages seriously what the fuck this really was the cursed time-line.

Also was there a person alive on this planet who fit the aesthetic of the fucking Ritz less than he did? He didn’t think so. Fuck he needed Remy now. He’d promised to help, thank Tesla. Virgil was clinging to that voice in his memory that had told him to ‘breathe, doll. Daddy has fixed lots of tiny girl hair and fashion disasters in his time. We’ve got this, okay, babe?’

Sure. Dressing a feral bat like Virgil for a FUCKING BALL was a piece of cake.

Well, first he needed to see if Roman actually wanted him to come or if that had all been in his head and Virgil was about to humiliate himself so badly, he would have to move out and change his name. Maybe Roman hadn’t asked yet because he wanted to avoid pressuring him with something he knew he was anxious about. OR he had recognized how badly Virgil would look on his arm.

Virgil felt like he couldn’t breathe for a terrifying moment. He used his position in Roman’s lap he’d chosen in a moment of courage to hide his face against the tan, smooth skin of the detective’s neck.

A deep breath left the taller man as Virgil curled close. He wrapped his arms around the thin body and sunk against him gratefully. The purple mane was so soft against his cheek. All thoughts drifted away – invitations as much as sunflower-yellow letters – leaving only the sensation of warm breaths against his skin and a gracefully curved back under his palms. Everything seemed to quiet, to slow down.

Virgil’s body moved slightly with every breath. He was so warm and alive, such a grounding weight in his lap. He arched against his chest willingly to press himself closer, letting Roman feel the way his ribs expanded on every inhale. The darkness behind the young detective’s closed eyes felt soft and safe. He gently moved his palm over the prominent spine, between wing-like shoulder blades. Stress flowed from his body like water. Slowly, their embrace lost its purpose and became lazy and comfortable, a hug for no other purpose than allowing them to exist so close to each other.  

After what felt like a long time of soft tenderness, Roman felt Virgil tense again, knowing he had to get it over with. He couldn’t keep hiding in a cute cop’s arms for the rest of his life because he was embarrassed.

“Listen, man…” He murmured quietly, pulling back slightly. Despite Roman’s hands still resting loosely on his hips, now that he wasn’t curled up and hidden anymore, he felt silly and out of place, suddenly. He really had just sat down in Roman’s lap, huh? What the fuck, Virgil? Heat rose to his cheeks and that just made things a lot worse. He pushed his head down and braced his palms on that hard chest and barreled on.

“Uhm, about- about that invitation. I know you’re anxious about it, and I’m really not good with that shit – I mean – that’s obvious, considering-” He gestured to – all of himself self consciously. “I really don’t know anything about your, eh, your social class and those fancy parties and shit. We’re from pretty, pretty extremely different backgrounds after all, and-”

Roman’s large hand rose to tip Virgil’s blushing face up in order to reassure him (and because it made him feel like a chivalrous knight). His fingers found the pale delinquent’s throat instead. Feeling the racing pulse, he curled his hand around the slender neck right under the jawbone with utter gentleness and brushed it upwards, pushing his chin up slowly.

Virgil’s breath hitched upon feeling the intimate hold he was captured in. It would be easy for the grip to turn punishing, yet he only brushed his thumb over the edge of his jaw and that felt very, very good. Vulnerable in all the right ways.

“What are you trying to say, dearest?” Roman rumbled softly, catching the younger man’s attention from where it had wandered to inappropriate places.

“Uh…” Virgil needed a moment. Roman’s eyes were so vividly green, like sunlight filtered through freshly grown, thin leaves. His mascara made his lashes so long and dramatic and so pretty.

I, uh…” He stuttered again. Roman was biting his lip in amusement, so pleased to have muddled Virgil’s brilliant mind and the barista felt like a useless, horny teenager for the first time in too many years.

A chuckle escaped the detective that was deep and rumbled under Virgil’s palms. He looked at the young man in his lap like he was the sweetest thing.

Feeling his blush flare up, Virgil ducked his head, allowing Roman’s palm to slip onto his cheek. He didn’t force his chin up as he was composing himself. Instead, the manicured hand moved across pale skin and scratched lightly across his scalp. A shiver broke out and raced over the delinquent’s entire back. His mouth fell open in a pleased sigh as he leaned into the caress.

Hell yeah, he could just keep doing that forever, please and thank you. His large palm rested on the pronounced bones of his hip, gripping gently, safely. Virgil could feel the detective’s intense gaze on him like a physical touch. He felt very warm as he leaned closer to that powerful hand in his hair that gave him so much pleasure.

His flush was still hot on his cheeks, yet the heat rising under his clothes wasn’t caused by embarrassment despite the intimacy of the moment. He’d never thought he would be able to let his guard down and be looked at this intimately when Roman made him feel this way. The detective’s other hand moved slowly, brushing up and down his back in the lightest of touches.

Virgil couldn’t help the breathy moan that escaped him. It was totally justified, okay? He felt those muscular thighs shift underneath him, adjusting their positions just a bit, so he was brought more securely into the hold of those strong arms and felt a warm breath on the side of his face.

Suddenly, Roman yanked his hand back as if Virgil had electrocuted him, yelping like a frightened dog. His whole body jumped, jostling Virgil.

“The fuck- Cat, what the actual fuck?” The younger man screeched at the ball of gray fur that had wedged itself between them and was furiously hissing and biting at Roman’s hand. The detective flailed and squirmed, unbucking Virgil in the process and dumping him on the cushions as he tried to escape over the back of the couch from the vicious raccoon. He landed face first with a ‘thump’ and an unmanly whimper.

Patton peeked in from the kitchen, phone between his cheek and shoulder, kitten purring in his big cardigan pocket and mixing bowl in hand. Finding Roman trying to twist into a sitting position while his legs were still sticking over the back of the couch and Virgil being slobbered over by an overly affectionate, possessive raccoon, he shrugged and closed the door behind himself. He and Nugget were not getting involved in that particular jealousy triangle. His kiddos would just need to make do.

“Oh shit, Roman, are you okay, dude?” Virgil asked and he knew, he knew he shouldn’t, but he couldn’t help the laugh bubbling up his chest.

Cat was squishing her fat butt all over his lap, pawing at his shirt and lovingly gnawing on his fingers, looking fucking pleased, fricking narcissistic levels of proud and awed at her prowess, like she’d owned the biggest, baddest villain of the kingdom, like she’d saved the princess and gotten the whole cake. While Roman – well…

The young detective/tragic victim heaved himself up on the backrest and was immediately hissed at fiercely. He snatched his hands to his chest to protect them from more scratches. Peeking over the couch just enough to look over it, his precious hair a mess and his lovely hands badly wounded, donning his best, hurt puppy dog eyes, he found no sympathy from his beautiful wildcat.

Virgil snorted helplessly.

“I’m sorry-” The barista gasped, really, seriously feeling sorry and knowing he shouldn’t be rewarding Cat, he was creating a monster here, but Roman looked so messed up. All of that magnificent hair that usually made him look like a prince falling over his face in messy, fluffy tufts – that betrayed, gorgeous, hilarious face-

He doubled over, snickering turning to wheezing laughter the more he tried to suppress it, and felt Cat purring up a storm from where she was throned on his lap, Queen of the couch, breaker of horny cuddle sessions, bane of Roman’s existence.

Since the purring somehow seamlessly turned to spitting, frothing hissing whenever Roman got too close, the poor, beaten hero had to settle into the armchair facing the love of his life (stolen by a villainous adversary), where he tried not to mope too much. He felt a very justifiable pout coming up.

However, tears were now streaming down Virgil’s face while he made himself lightheaded trying to scold Cat and repress his laughter. He only succeeded in making himself hiccup and devolve into a new peal of giggles.  

Roman melted into the armchair.

*

They were quietly folding blankets and putting away pillows, comfortable with each other even though Cat was still sitting in Virgil’s hoody, occasionally touching the back of his head and neck and gurgling threateningly.

It was alright.

Roman wasn’t a malicious man.

And he would get her back for this…

Glaring secretly at the bristly beast whenever Virgil wasn’t looking, the young detective finally remembered that they had started a conversation before their mutual attraction had overwhelmed them like swooning lovers in a romantic novel.

Giddy at the memory, he briefly amused himself with imagining them on a paperback cover – his own shirt open halfway over his gleaming, muscular chest, even longer hair flying in the breeze, Virgil fainting in his arms, pale and lovely in a Victorian dress – oh my lord. A flush rose hotly to his cheeks, especially as he imagined that trim waist encased in lace and possibly even a corset.

This time, he felt Cat was justified in hissing at him while she reached for him with sharp little paws, trying to take a swipe, craving destruction.

Thankfully, Virgil took his blush as a sigh of anger as he twisted around and saved the enthusiastically violent racoon from tumbling out of his hood in its quest for blood.

“Sorry, Dude. I’ll figure something out.” He promised.

Roman thought he didn’t look nearly alarmed enough. However… his little bird deserved all the valiant defenders he could get. The beast might make him feel safe while Roman wasn’t there to watch over him like the tireless defender he was. In principle, the young detective would not mind prospective rivals to be scared off. Just not himself, did this beast not have any taste?

Perhaps he’d just have to invest more effort in his quest to win over the scraggly protector of his dashing not-damsel’s honor! That he could surely do!

Filled with a new sense of determination, he maturely stuck his tongue out to the raccoon.

Virgil snorted. He was happy.

Roman liked that a lot.

“Before I forget…” He started casually, remembering how important the question had seemed to Virgil. “You wanted to ask me something before we were torn apart so viciously?”

The barista startled, his heart missing a beat with nervousness. Right. That.

“Um, yeah. Yeah, I was just- you don’t have to say yes – obviously! It’s just if you don’t want to go alone- though you probably have plenty of people to go with- I know you have friends and coworkers and… fans… and Logan could go too so you really don’t need me to be in the way but if you want, I – uh…”

“Virgil,” Roman interrupted him gently, hoping with a fluttering heart he wasn’t misinterpreting the stuttering proposition. “Are you offering to go to the ball with me?” He asked gently, quickly adding for his lovely raven’s nerves benefit, “Because while I don’t want to pressure you in any way, going with you on my arm would make me the bravest and happiest man in the world.”

His words were very, very honest. Having Virgil there, as his date, as his to hold in his arm and show off, showing that the gay failure of the family had captured the most beautiful, smartest and strongest creature in the whole word – he would feel like the king in his castle. Nothing could make him feel like he’d succeeded despite being ashamed of his sexuality for so long than to show Virgil as his beautiful prize. Having him would validate all his struggles and make all the suffering worth it.

So no pressure to say yes. Roman was cool with whatever.

Virgil flushed brightly, ducking his head in a familiar gesture to hide under his hair. His heart beat a mile a minute, filling him with awed elation.

And a little bit of terror.

Looks like he was going to the ball after all.

*************************************************

AAAAnd it looks like Virgil will finally need an outfit for the ball. I wonder who will help him???

As always, comments and reblogs are appreciated! If you want to support me, here is my Ko-fi page. Love you guys! Take care and treat yourself to something nice <3

Next Chapter

[johannesviii]

Top 10 Personal Favorite Hit Songs from 2020

You know, when I finished my latest list and realised every decade had the same pattern and that we were slowly going towards a series of great years for pop, I didn’t realise how good that year would be.

What’s at the top? Am I boringly predictable because I already said I loved that song all the way back in January 2020? Let’s find out.

Disclaimers:

Keep in mind I’m using both the year-end top 100 lists from the US and from France while making these top 10 things. There’s songs in English that charted in my country way higher than they did in their home countries, or even earlier or later, so that might get surprising at times.

Of course there will probably be stuff in French somewhere on this post. We suck. I know. It’s my list. Deal with it.

My musical tastes have always been terrible and I’m not a critic, just a listener and an idiot.

I have sound to color synesthesia which justifies nothing but might explain why I have trouble describing some songs in other terms than visual ones.

So. Uh. How was your 2020?

Mine was actually surprisingly good, considering. I’m lucky enough to have a job that I can partially do from home, and I was extremely paranoid from the get-go and nobody got sick under this roof so far. Turns out I’m even better at my job from home and I got permission to work from home one day per week even after the health crisis is over! My first name was also finally officially approved and I can’t tell you how happy I feel about that. I almost feel bad to have had such a good year considering the circumstances. I feel like an asshole just because I’m happy, haha.

The only frustrating part was that I was supposed to see Hatari in concert in Paris in early April which, as you can guess, was cancelled. I’m not too mad about it though, since their tour was called “Europe will crumble” and the message saying the tour was cancelled started with “since Europe is actually crumbling due to Covid-19″ and that’s hysterical.

Good or interesting albums that came out in 2020 now, let’s see.

Nightwish released Human/Nature, which was a huge letdown compared to their previous album, but I will relisten to it at some point to make sure I wasn’t just in a bad mood that day.

The Birthday Massacre released Diamonds, which might be their weakest album since their debut, but contained some real gems (I listened to The Last Goodbye on a loop, it floored me. Flashback and Enter are also very good).

The 1975 released Notes On A Conditional Form, and let’s be real, it’s a f█cking mess. You could cut half the tracks and end up with an excellent album, but as it is it’s like, yes, a collection of notes ; however there’s some truely excellent shit on it (see unelligible songs).

Thanks to a friend on a discord server I was exposed to Dorian Electra’s music and I haven’t been quite the same ever since. I’m so happy to be alive to see other enbies making such great music with an insanely good aesthetic surrounding it and asking so many interesting questions about gender. Also the arc the ‘gentleman’ character goes through over the course of the entire tracklist of the 2020 My Agenda album is absolutely hilarious, don’t @ me.

I also discovered 100 Gecs this year. Why are most of you guys saying it’s unlistenable garbage. It’s just as abrasive and over the top as industrial music is, but with none of the edginess or drama. I love it. What the hell. But yeah Tree of Clues was released this year. Good.

Speaking of industrial, in March 2020 Nine Inch Nails were like “hey remember when we released Ghosts I-IV a decade ago entirely for free and how amazing that was? Well we’re all in lockdown and bored as hell so here’s Ghosts V-VI and it’s also free. Enjoy” and I f█cking died instantly. And it’s even better than I-IV. What the hell was that year

Jonsi released Shiver. It’s strange and highly experimental. I’m pretty sure it’s a good thing I was into hyperpop this year, otherwise going from his previous material straight to this album would have been brutal.

Yadda yadda yadda After Hours by the Weeknd good yadda yadda.

I’ve joked about that already but if you had told me in 2019 that 2020 would have fires, a pandemic, riots, monoliths appearing and disappearing, and also a super good Machine Gun Kelly album, guess which part I would have found the most ridiculous. But yeah uh. Tickets to my Downfall good

So uh this year I tried to listen to some hyperpop and liked it a lot, and I also dipped my toes timidly into screamo and listened to Svalbard, who released When I Die this year, and the entire album was a very beautiful, very intricately decorated punch to the face. It sounds like God Is An Astronaut except with a shit ton of yelling. I love it. Open Wound is my favorite track on it.

But no, despite all of this, my album of the year was from a band I had never even heard about before that year, called Spanish Love Songs. The album is titled Brave Faces Everyone and it’s line after line after line of extremely relatable generational angst but yelled with complete sincerity and it’s so propulsive and energetic you can’t help but feel both exhausted and ready to fight the entire universe. I don’t know how it works, but it’s incredible. The entire album is wonderfully brutal, so it’s kind of difficult to pick my favorite songs on it, but Beachfront Property and the title track stand out.

Unelligible songs, now, and there’s, uh, quite a few of them too so I’m also gonna use bullet points. Good lord this post is gonna be long.

First, let me say I have literally no idea why Midnight Sky by Miley Cyrus wasn’t a bigger hit. It’s not on the year-end US top 100 and it feels extremely wrong. Would have made it to #4 on this list otherwise.

I still entertain the vague hope that stuff from Machine Gun Kelly will chart higher in 2021 but I doubt it will happen so I might as well tackle it now and say that Bloody Valentine and especially Forget Me Too are both excellent and that it’s a shame radios aren’t playing them more often.

Heaven by the late Avicii featuring Coldplay should have charted in 2019 and still didn’t chart in 2020 and that’s a real shame.

If the world was a bit less unfair, Lovesick Girls by Blackpink would have been a hit rather than the awful Ice Cream.

One day I will stop complaining about my bafflement concerning the lack of mainstream pop charts success of The 1975. Today is not that day. I just love how they keep making songs about extremely awkward relationships full of weird details, and I haven’t grown tired of that yet. So yeah If You’re Too Shy is about a guy who’s crush is asking him to get naked on Skype in his hotel room and he’s, uh, not too sure about that idea.

And Me & You Together is about a guy who never finds the right moment to tell his best friend he’s in love with her, and he manages to do so at the end and it’s cute as hell. My fave part is “I'm sorry that I'm kinda queer / It's not as weird as it appears / It's 'cause my body doesn't stop me (Stop me) / Oh, it's okay, lots of people think I'm gay / But we're friends, so it's cool, why would it not be?”. Relatable as f█ck.

And now for an international hit that should have been bigger in the US and/or in my country but wasn’t: Head & Heart by Joel Corry and MNEK.

I’ve heard Nos Célébrations by Indochine extremely often on French radio for months now so I was very surprised to see that it didn’t crack the local year-end list. What happened.

I can finally hear the appeal of Bring Me The Horizon. It took me ages. And also Death Stranding. The song Ludens isn’t in the game per say, but it’s among the ones you can pick to broadcast briefly when people drive by your constructions, and long story short it's been living rent-free in my head for months now.

Phew.

It’s time for a round of Honorable Mentions for elligible songs, containing a couple of guilty pleasures, which is saying something considering the kind of shit I put on some of my previous lists.

Ne Reviens Pas (Gradur et Heuss l’Enfoiré) - Heuss is a French artist that kept baffling me while making my lists for the previous years, and I was like “??? ok, that’s it then, I guess I’m getting too old to get what teenagers find funny”. This one worked for me, though. And the music video doesn’t hurt. Really dumb and really fun.

Adore You (Harry Styles) - Perfectly good little pop song, very pleasant to listen to, never outstayed its welcome for me.

Mood (24kGoldn) - This doesn’t sound like a very good relationship, my dude, but that’s still a super pleasant song.

WAP (Cardi B & Megan Thee Stallion) - This song is absolutely hilarious and I will hear no argument from any of you.

Control (Zoe Wees) - Was clearly a hit here. Should have been even bigger though. What a powerful but comfy voice. If I had better taste it would be on the list.

Hot Girl Bummer (Blackbear) - I. Uh. Listen. I keep saying I have bad taste and nobody believes me. Do you believe me now. But yeah. “F█ck you, and you, and you~, I hate your friends and they hate me too” is gonna pop in my head every single time someone is being a jerk anywhere near me now. It’s been happening all year already. Someone trashed my documents at work? Someone isn’t wearing a mask in public? That guy has filled his car with rolls of toilet paper? Brain goes “F█ck you, and you, and you~”. Every. Single. Time.

Come & Go (Juice WRLD & Marshmello ) - Damn, that’s a pretty good little song. I’ve seen plenty of people saying it’s ruined by the drop, but may I remind you I’m the person who loves Blue by Eiffel 65 with all my heart. If the song was ramping up consistently until the end instead of ending like that, it would have made the list, definitely.

And now, the actual list. This one actually feels pretty solid, I genuinely like everything on it, there’s no filler here for once.

10 - The Box (Roddy Rich)

US: #3 / FR: #23

Now this is a weird case, because for the longest time I couldn’t figure out why this song was so popular and I was completely neutral about it. Then, one morning in September, my mental jukebox (which always, always puts a song on a loop in my head when I wake up) decided to play it. And I was like oh wow?? I never noticed the atmosphere in that song before? It’s so great. And that hook too. Let’s listen to it.

So yeah, I don’t know what happened. It just clicked one day and everything fell into place, I guess.

9 - Alane (Wes & Robin Shulz)

US: Not on the list / FR: #93

Come on. You can’t do a remake of one of my previous #1 songs and let it chart in 2020. That’s cheating. Even with this subpar drop, I have to put it on the list, now.

I’ve already said my piece about the original, so I’m just going to send you back to my 1997 list.

8 - Kings and Queens (Ava Max)

US: Not on the list / FR: #76

[BBC documentary voice] After Lady Gaga decided to make piano balads and left her musical niche vacant, Ava Max quickly took her place as the top predator pop diva. Even after Lady Gaga was re-introduced to her natural habitat in 2020, she still hasn’t fully recovered in Europe, where Ava Max still reigns supreme on the charts -

(tldr I think it’s hilarious that this isn’t on the US Billboard while Lady Gaga isn’t on the French year-end top 100)

7 - Roses (Saint Jhn & Imanbek)

US: #19 / FR: #3

What an earworm. It doesn’t even bother trying to have an intro or an outro, so it loops almost perfectly. It’s like entering a party that started long before you arrived, and it will go on long after you leave it to go back home. Kind of hypnotic in a way.

And yes, my mental jukebox was very fond of using it to wake me up this year, so this is another song that’s here almost solely because of that.

6 - Physical (Dua Lipa)

US: Not on the list / FR: #69 (hehehe)

“Hey I’m not that old” says the guy who’s definitely a sucker for this kind of retro throwback that was so popular this year. Oh well.

I don’t have anything interesting to say about this one, though. Apart from the fact that everyone seems to have a different fave song on that album. Guess that’s quality for you.

5 - Rain on Me (Lady Gaga & Ariana Grande)

US: #48 / FR: Not on the list

That is far from being Lady Gaga’s best song, but it was a joy to listen to everytime it was on the radio anyway. Also Ariana Grande has surprisingly good chemistry with Gaga! This year was full of strange duets mostly made for commercial reasons, and this one isn’t an exception, but unlike a lot of them, it really, really works.

4 - Dynamite (BTS)

US: #38 / FR: Not on the list

I’m still not 100% sold on k-pop even if a ton of it sounds super good, but come on. Even if some bits of this song (especially the beginning of the second chorus) sound a bit like they were made on autopilot, it still sounds just as happy and fun several months after I first heard it and I never got tired of it. That’s quality. You hear it and you can’t help but tap your feet and smile.

Actually, I’m sure there’s people somewhere that don’t smile when they hear this song. And they must be avoided at all costs.

3 - Godzilla (Eminem ft Juice WRLD)

US: #62 / FR: Not on the list

What are you doing so high on this list, old man. Why are you still here in the year 2020. I thought we left you in the previous decade. Who gave you the right.

I’m gonna tell you who did, and it’s actually Juice WRLD. Because that chorus is incredible, and like a lot of people I’m pissed off because the guy died super young and this shit shouldn’t happen to anybody. No, his early material wasn’t great, but I’m sorry I’m gonna say it again: have you heard this damn chorus? It’s suspenseful and dark, it’s got this lowkey menacing quality, it’s an earworm and a half, and it’s more convincing in like six lines than Eminem’s own flexing is in the entire song.

The beat is extremely good as well, and the flow, obviously, impressive. The weakest link is Eminem’s writing, which is as usual full of puns and weird wordplay, except here a lot of it isn’t great, and that last ultra fast part at the end is technically impressive but it also drives the song up a cliff and stops it dead in its tracks once it’s over. But frankly the lines fly by so fast it’s difficult to be too annoyed by them.

Can I sincerely put this extremely flawed song so high on my list? A better question would be “did I spend hours trying to learn how to sing this shit without choking on my own spit?”. The answer is yes. To both.

2 - Heartless (The Weeknd)

US: #28 / FR: Not on the list

I’ve said it on my 2015 and 2016 lists already, but just for the record I’ll say it again: it took me ages to like The Weeknd, mostly because I found most of his songs fairly boring, or disliked the lyrics, or both. Also I never really liked the general vibe of his “sexy” songs like The Hills, they felt dark but in an unpleasant creepy way. Felt like miserable hedonism, if that makes sense.

So, because I’m a person with extremely consistent and logical tastes, here’s the exact same shit he was making before, except that this time I absolutely adore it.

What is he doing differently that makes the whole After Hours album click for me whereas almost all of his previous material failed to do so? Is it the energy? Is it the reverb? Is it the fact that the narrator sounds properly unhinged and, frankly, scared to be spiralling out of control? Why are the colors so beautiful yet full of anxiety? Why is that bridge so fantastic? How can you make your voice look like a glowstick in the dark?

I give up. I have no clue. At least I’m done talking about-

Oh.

1 - Blinding Lights (The Weeknd)

US: #1 / FR: #1 (listen sometimes something’s just that good, ok)

Surprise. Or not.

Wow, look at that, Johannes has put this year’s number one pop song at number one on their personal playlist. The audacity. The edge. What a hot take.

I discovered that song when it first came out at the end of 2019 and I adored it instantly. And I was so scared it wouldn’t be a hit. Which means I’m a f█cking dumbass considering it ended up breaking all sorts of records in 2020. But what can I say, overplay can be a blessing when you love a song that much.

Like every single song I put at number one on one of my lists, I will draw this one at some point and you will understand how incredibly satisfying it is to listen to a song called Blinding Lights, talking about city lights looking blurry when you’re driving at night, while looking itself like a bunch of blurry city lights passing by super fast. Perfect in every way.

Also it sounds exactly like A-ha, and that never hurts.

See you next year! Pretty sure it will be even better music-wise.

[sweet-nebulae]

♡ Comforting them when they’re crying ♡

✿ Zen ✿

He has to be strong for his prince/ss!

But sometimes he is just so fucking exhausted that laying in bed with the love of his life seems more appealing than getting out of bed to do anything else

Your head on his chest, his arms around your waist, and your legs intertwined - yes please

It may be a low energy, low motivation day, but that doesn’t mean it’s not enjoyable

He has a tendency to get too introspective when you’re both so silent, but his sudden tears will still shock you both

He’ll laugh it off, rubbing at his eyes and tightening his grip on you

“I’m fine jagi, really! I don’t know what happened”

Feel free to make a big deal out of it, propping yourself up on your elbows to shower his face in kisses to chase all those tears away!

He’ll find it absolutely adorable and won’t be able to stop himself from grinning or laughing some more

He won’t say it, but it’s actually really comforting to know that you’ll always be there for him, even in cases like this

It’s a really warm feeling that makes Zen flip the two of you and start showering your face in kisses instead

Revenge!

✿ Yoosung ✿

This sweet child

Cries when he’s drunk

Cries when he thinks you’re hurt

Probably cries when the LOLOL server goes under sudden maintenance in the middle of a raid

But if it’s serious crying, he’s the type to scrub at his face and tell you it’s nothing while still whimpering and sobbing

clutches chest

Gets red-faced when he cries, hot to the point that you can feel it even through your lips when you kiss his wet cheek

Doesn’t really see a problem with you seeing him cry?? Like yeah, it’s embarrassing, but you’re not making fun of him

You’re actually looking at him in worry, reaching out to brush his tears away, and fuck you’re so cute -

are you sad or in love yoosung

You are his safe place to cry - right in your arms, head against your chest

And he wants you to feel the same about him too

He wants to be able to make you feel as safe and protected and loved as you can make him feel

This isn’t even remotely angsty anymore it’s just cute wtf Yoosung

✿ Jaehee ✿

Baehee actually rarely cries

She’s so used to having her will to live absolutely destroyed on a daily basis by one Jumin Han that she’s like

Crying??? Why, I could be doing other things

I do have 56 things to do for Mr. Han at this moment after all

jumin ffs

She’s an incredibly cute crier, which is sort of unfair considering it’s crying

Why does anyone look attractive when crying

Her cheeks redden and she makes these soft little hiccupping sounds and listen

It may be cute but it’s fucking painful to see or hear

She’s such a strong woman, if she’s crying about something and it’s not tears of happiness/emotion because of a Zen musical then something has really gotten to her

Likes to be absolutely enveloped and close to you when she’s upset

Gently slide her glasses of her face and then take her to your bed and pull the covers up over the two of you

She’ll curl up and just cling to you

It’s a rare sign of vulnerability that she usually can’t show in her line of work, and she is so grateful you don’t judge her for it

when she peeks her head back up and her face is all red from crying and her hair is all messed up she’s so cute i just want to fdjhgjdhffh kiss her a lot, so you definitely should do that

✿ Jumin ✿

Mr. Trustfund Kid?? Crying???

Lol

Lololololololololol

He doesn’t cry

It’s a lie, you’ve seen him cry a lot

There’s a picture of him with tears in his lashes during your wedding that you value over your life

It’s actually really rare that Jumin cries anything other than surprised tears of happiness

Rare, but it does happen

You never know what triggered it though. Jumin, talking about his feelings? LOL

I mean, he tries, but in moments like these it’s more comfortable for him to just stay silent, and you give him that small comfort

A very silent crier, but will grip you so tightly

Buries his face in your shoulder or neck and just clings to you like you’re the only thing keeping him from crumbling you may be

Pressing soft kisses to his temple and placing your hand on the back of his head are probably his favorite ways that you try to soothe him

He’s not someone who needs to hear assertions that everything will be okay - he’s a logical person, he knows this

But in the moment nothing is okay

He takes the most solace from just having you, the person he loves most in the entire world safe in his arms, holding him back and showing you care through small physical acts of affection

God he fucking loves you

✿ Saeyoung ✿

Despite how larger than life his personality seems to be at times, he really makes an effort to make sure no one hears or sees him crying

Tensed shoulders, hands clenched into fists, fingernails digging into flesh, a dull and all-consuming pain in his throat and wrists as he tried sort of successfully to shove his anguish back down

Crying was just simply something he didn’t think he deserved the luxury of doing

When you entered the picture, things went slightly different

He still tried like hell to keep you from noticing, because what if you got the wrong idea? What if you thought he was anything less than incredibly happy you were in his life? What if you thought -

He can work himself into a panic pretty easily, especially when his brain works against him

When you wrap your arms around his shoulders from behind or reach for his hand in moments like these he just absolutely breaks down

Just turns into you and the comfort you provide no matter what position he’s in and sobs

Literal sobs, the kind that causes his entire body to shake and his throat to ache

It’s not an over-exaggeration to say that you are the only thing keeping him together in these moments

Will tell you what’s bothered him, but you have to press to get it out of him - usually his response is just a whispered and teary “I love you so much”

Because he does

He really does love you with every minuscule fiber of his being, and he cannot believe he ever got so lucky to have you in his life

✿ Jihyun ✿

This poor baby TT

Seeing him cry is just so fucking painful

His eyes are so bright and clear that when tears blur them they get all glassy and just lost looking

Will always try to apologize and wipe his tears away with the back of one of his fingers

His breath will hitch if you gently grasp his hand in your own and draw his fingers away from his face, pressing a soft kiss to the skin beneath his eyes instead

His eyes will widen for a split second at such a tender display of comfort and affection and then his expression will shift into one of such pure sadness and love that it will just break your heart even more

Kiss him

Kiss him lots

Please

He needs a lot of soft kisses TT

Honestly just needs a lot of soft treatment in general

He’ll always end up crying harder when you try to comfort him, but don’t misunderstand

He’s just always floored by what a wonderful person you are

Lots of gentle kisses will be pressed to the back of your hands in thanks and love, even if he’s still crying

Jihyun you dummy dry your tears first gjhdjh

✿ Saeran ✿

Does he like crying in front of you?

Fuck no

Does he?

Unfortunately for him, quite often

Now he knows that logically him crying isn’t a sign of weakness, or of how broken he is

And it’s not going to scare you off or give you second thoughts about staying with him

That doesn’t stop the sharp pang of fear whenever he feels tears burning at the backs of his eyes though

Comforting him isn’t always easy - sometimes he craves the safety of physical touch, sometimes he’s snarling at you to leave him the hell alone

If he pushes you away he just needs some space - he inevitably feels awful about it, which just upsets him more, and he ends up even more emotional than before

Will never ask for it but absolutely loves when your cup his face and tenderly brush away his tears with your thumbs, kissing his forehead and eyelids

The contrast of your cool fingers on his hot skin helps relax him

He doesn’t know how, but you always seem to know what to do to help him feel better

Whether it’s just sitting next to him with your fingers interlaced with his or cuddled together on the couch with some stupid show playing in the background, legs interlaced

No matter how shit he feels, just being near you makes him feel a tiny bit better

Like you’re helping to fill some empty part of him

He doesn’t like feeling so weak around you, but somehow, you make it more bearable than trying to deal with it alone

✿ Vanderwood ✿

He’s a fucking agent, he doesn’t have time to cry

If he feels like he’s about to he usually just roughly rubs at his eyes like oh fuck no

Has no idea how to react when you tell him it’s okay to cry

Like???

He wants to be the strong one and crying isn’t a sign of strength??

vanderwood shut the fuck up

He doesn’t mean to act so gruff and coarse about it all, but he’s just not used to allowing himself to be vulnerable like that, especially in front of anyone he cares about

Feels a bit uncomfortable when you show so much obvious worry and care towards him, but does manage to send you a small smile with the hint of a flush high up on his cheeks to assure you that everything was okay

He is unfairly attractive when he flushes, btw

Unless something really fucks with him, he never allows himself to cry for very long

And unless its one of those times, the most comfort he really needs is just your hand on his arm or the warmth of you at his side

Things in the world may fucking suck, but he feels like they may not suck as much so long as he has you

did he actually just think that?? djhdhdfdhs please ignore the suddenly flustered vanderwood who can’t control his own thoughts

[dylanxmin]

A Little Serendipity

Part.13

before / next

•masterlist•

———————

Hearing so much noise had opened my conscious and now I was able to hear voices more clear than before, voices were familiar to my ear so I didn’t mind it at first but the urge forced through my brain and I opened my eyes. Unlike, what I was expecting, sheets were different from mines and the whole room was different from my room actually. For a moment, I thought this was one of mine’s other weird dreams, but clearly it wasn’t. I looked around for some hints for understanding where I was, but then I saw some pictures, hanging from the wall to a rope, then relief take over my body, now I was able to breathe normally. The pictures include Hoseok and the guys, which now I can understand this place were Hoseok’s room. I tried to remember the other night but I could only manage to remember the sky and shining stars, which it was little irritating for me to not knowing what happened last night and how I managed to come here but my self-interrogation interrupted with sound of an opening door. I looked over the door, and saw Hoseok’s smiley face, he ask for my permission to come inside so I answered him with a rapid hand waving. He entered the room and then sit on the bed, in front of me.

“Do you have headache, or something honey?” he asked with a care, now I was more surprised than waking up to random bedroom, he was sweet like a cotton sugar, even sweeter. For a minute, I tried to distract myself from his cuteness to be sure about having or not having any aches, but I was okay. “Im okay, thank you for your concern.” I smiled at him, which I never had hangover because of the alcohol or the other things, so it wasn’t a big deal for me. He gave me a grin, and touched my shoulder, squeeze it little, “Happy to hear that, because I need to go to the studio for dance practice, Jimin been waiting for me in there, for a while now.” His hand kept track from my shoulder to my hand, and hold it with a little squeeze. “Are you going to be okay, in here?” I took my eyes from our hands and looked at him, tried to look at him actually, because now I was little dizzy from his action. I couldn’t remember if we had something, last night, which it made me weak on the knees. “Did we had something?” my question was nothing more than a whisper, but he heard me and respond to me quickly. “Oh no, lord no!” He giggled at me, but now I was relieved because I was known for being little flirty while using alcohol, so it was good to hear. “You were drunk, Soobin and Taehyung wanted to be alone for the first night as a couple, so we take you with us.” He used little strength to my hand to squeeze it more, “And, do I look like a person who could take advantage from a drunk girl.” now he was judging me with his eyes. “Actually, I wasn’t afraid from you. The one who could take advantage from her drunk self it would be me.” Shake my head with a huge breath, my heart was in a peace now, about me doing nothing, thank god. “Okay then,” he gave me confused look, “I wasn’t expecting this confession about yourself but okay, I guess.” We both laughed at our situation, after he hugged me and told me that I can act in here like my own house, now he was gone.

I stayed for a little bit on the bed, do some stretching and etc. I get up from the bed and headed to the bathroom, wondering how I look after last night. I thought that I didn’t drink that much but alcohol hit me with a delay, last night, that’s the reason why I couldn’t remember the last occasions. When I entered the bathroom, and facing the mirror, seeing how awful I look right know and I couldn’t stopped myself from thinking how Hoseok even looked at me. Aish, the reflection of myself was a disaster, maybe more than that. I brushed my face, purified the makeup, at least ruins of its, and washed my face with a lot of water. When I looked at the mirror, I saw really big shirt on me, which it didn’t belong to me, as well as the short that I was wearing, didn’t belong to me, either. I hoped that I could managed to change my clothes on my own, at least. While I was heading to the door I only think about that. It was a big house, I realized when I manage to go out from Hoseok’s room. I reached the saloon when I turned the corner of hall, after that I was in the kitchen, looking for something to eat. I don’t know why but I feel okay being in here, Hoseok’s house and mixing his refrigerator, but then a voice from the door made me not okay about being in here.

When I turned back to the voice, I spot a boy who was wearing a black mask, holding two coffee at one of his hand, and the other one was full with a bag. He look like he was annoyed from something but it could be his normal face expression as I always see that particular one. When he looked up, our eyes met with each other, and there is the tense feeling, which has a control over me, like all the time. “Oh, can I help?” I asked him but didn’t wait for any respond to rush over him and take the coffees from him. He thanked me with a head act, then walked right beside me to the kitchen. “I bought something for you to have breakfast,” He mentioned to me but didn’t look at me, while taking the things he bought from the bag. I followed him, and dropped the coffees at the kitchen counter, then thanked him, but he just nodded at me then walked away from me again. “Aren’t you going to eat breakfast?” I feel uncomfortable being in here now, because I think he didn’t want me to be here, at all. “I need to work.” I didn’t answer him and let him go, but I wasn’t going to give up yet, that’s for sure. I headed to the kitchen for making breakfast, and prepare the thing he buy to the server, take the coffees in it then headed to his room by following his little steps and grumbles. I knocked the door and entered, he was little surprised about this entering but I didn’t mind. “If you are not eating something then I won’t, either.” Without waiting for a permission, walked towards his table and put the server on it. “Choose it.” I said with a provocative look, while he was giving me a puzzled look I take a place on his chair, already. “We are having breakfast, then.” he mumbled on his mouth and take a place at my side, very slowly. We were eating and drinking in silence, but he broke it. “I apologize for the night,” with a surprise I looked at him, that was something particular thing I wasn’t expecting to hear from him. “I spoke without thinking about it, so Im sorry for what I said.” he tried to smile little but it was something different from a smile, “Oh, its okay. I didn’t even think about it that much.” I gave him a pat on his arm, which his warm body, caused a little shake in me. While drinking my coffee, I looked around, it was some kind of a home studio and it was simple decorated, for walking in here I get up and headed to little library that he had in here. It looked like a cool decoration, but what I see made me struggle to swallow my coffee so I coughed. He came to my side, immediately and patted my back with a little pressure, “Are you okay?” he asked with care, his soft and caring voice trembled in me. I nodded my head then thanked him, gave my coffee to him and took a book from the shelter. “Did you read my book?” my thrilled voice couldn’t be hide, which I didn’t work for it, either. I was so surprised about his reading my book, having it in his library, it made me weak in the knees. “Oh yeah, that one.” He took it from my hand and revised it little, while I was looking at him, at his cheeks and hold my eager to squeeze them. “I really enjoyed reading it actually, but I forgot that it was you for a while, Im sorry.” said while giving me a sincere look, and he added. “Your science fictions are the best, that’s for sure.” with his lovely comment, I blushed little because I felt hotness at my cheeks. “Oh thank you, I wouldn’t think you as a science fiction reader but I am happy to hear it.” I giggled little and his little mouth opened, and gave me a smile, which that turned my heart something weak and trembling body part. “What do you mean? Can’t I read book?” I laughed at him, which he was looking too cute to get over, “Im sorry, you are right.” I said with a imply, then added. “I can sign it, if you want?” I ask as a joke but his eyes were shining now, he nodded his head quickly and run the other side of the room to get me a pen. Okay, now I was more surprised than ever. This boy here, this beautiful piece was my fan or something? Oh boy, give me a break.

heyy new episode is here,:) i hope you guys will like it :) for taglist,,just let me know in the comment,,lots of love 💜✨

new part is going to be update on weekends:)

taglist: [ @mochiloverbts ]

[sebthesnipe]

Basic Bickering

First // Previously // Next

My Dearest Procyon

Masterpost

MDP Discord Server

Chapter 31

Original story based on this wonderful post by @underdog-arts

“Is he asleep?” Patton asked in a soft whisper, glancing over his shoulder. Logan shut the flap of the large backpack looped over the dragon’s shoulder carefully, as he straightened. 

“Yes. Hopefully, he remains that way,” the witch sighed, moving next to the smaller man as they walked. 

“You’re worried about him,” Patton stated, eyeing his partner. 

“He has been through a lot,” Logan replied. There was no use denying his feelings when Patton could sense them so acutely. 

“It’s more than that though,” Patton countered, peering up at him expectantly. “You’re terrified.”

Logan’s gaze shot to the shorter man. The empathic bond certainly had its inconveniences. Perhaps Logan would be able to find a way to block the flow of emotional traffic, given enough time. He only wished he had the ability presently.

“I would argue that it is a logical emotion, given the situation,” Logan sighed, trying to concentrate on his breathing. The fact that the dragon could read him so easily was disconcerting and almost invasive. 

“Sorry,” Patton mumbled, flushing as he glanced away. Guilt washed through the witch and there was no confusion as to whom it belonged. 

“It’s alright, Patton,” Logan huffed, reaching out for him. “You can’t help it. This is all still very new to us both.”

The dragon seemed to brighten at the touch, his own hand lifting to cover the one on his shoulder, enjoying the feel of Logan’s reassurance. 

“Your bond with Virgil wasn’t like this?” Patton asked curiously. 

“Not in the least,” Logan admitted. He gave the smaller man’s hand a gentle squeeze before allowing his hand to drop. “Virgil and I were bonded out of necessity and desperation. It was sloppy work, but we managed it. The bond was functional, nothing more.”

“That sounds awful,” Patton whispered in awe. “There had to be more to it. Otherwise… Well, otherwise you wouldn’t still be helping him.”

Logan blinked in surprise, his heart sinking as he realized what Patton meant. The dragon had obviously misunderstood him. 

“I care a great deal for Virgil,” Logan insisted. “He is the closest thing to a friend I have ever had. I would do almost anything for him. The bond he formed with me to save my life is more than I can ever repay.  Even if, as a witch, the magical bond we had formed to sustain us is gone, it more than served its purpose. As a person, my bond to him is still strong.” 

Patton took a moment to consider the words, feeling out Logan’s reaction.

“You feel-” Patton paused, brows furrowing at ugly emotion. “Hatred?” he asked, confused.

Logan tensed at the question. He wasn’t sure how to answer it.

“Logan,” Patton sighed, eyes wide as he moved closer, still mindful of the direction they were headed. “What is it? Is it Noname? Hating him won’t-”

“It’s not him,” Logan interrupted a bit more harshly than he intended. He scrubbed a hand down his face, trying to calm himself.

How was it that he could manage to stay so calm and collected in the worst situations, but when he was around Patton it seemed as if the metaphorical flood gates were forced open? It was so frustrating! Now, more than ever, he needed to control these feelings and he was failing miserably.

The hatred increased. 

“Is it me?” Patton practically squeaked, his hurt ebbing through to the witch.

“What?!” Logan asked, eyes wide as his gaze turned back to the dragon. “Patton, no!” He turned bending to take the smaller man’s hand in his, pulling them to a stop. “No, Patton. I could never feel that way towards you,” he reassured.

Patton peered up at him, eyes glossy with tears. “But you still don’t trust me,” he pointed out, “and I’ve kept the truth from you. You have every right to-” 

“Patton,” Logan repeated a bit more firmly. “It is not you. I can not deny the distrust I feel, but I  certainly do not hate you.”

“Then what else could it be? It’s not Virgil, I know that. But-” 

“It’s myself, Patton!” Logan snapped, causing the dragon to jump slightly in surprise. 

Logan pulled back, taking another moment to focus on his breathing. He needed to calm himself. 

“It’s me,” he stated more evenly. “I loathe my very existence.” 

The witch could feel Patton’s concern and empathy as he tried to work out why Logan would feel this way. 

“Virgil severed his bond with Noname to try to save me,” Logan explained. “He decided to help me instead of having a long and healthy life. He has been forced to live as a procyonidae for the majority of the time away from that, that… bastard!” Logan managed, feeling his face flush at the realization that he cursed in front of his partner. 

“Logan,” Patton sighed, obviously ignoring the profanity. “Virgil chose-”

“No, Pat. No he didn’t,” Logan interrupted again, not willing to be comforted. “Virgil knew that bonding with me would save me and sever his ties with Noname. He didn’t know it would slowly kill him!” 

“Neither did you!” Patton argued.

Logan fell silent, honey gaze shifting downward in shame, his anger rising once more. 

“L-Logan?” Patton asked a bit weakly. “You didn’t… Did you?” 

Logan couldn’t bring himself to answer, chest tightening. How was it suddenly so hard to breathe?

Patton lifted a hand, covering his mouth in horror. “H-how c-could you do that? How could you trade someone’s life-”

“It wasn’t like that!” Logan rushed, tears filling his eyes. “You weren’t there! You don’t know what it was like!” 

“Maybe, but I would never-”

“Can you really say that?!” Logan spat. “Can you really say that you would never? As long as you’ve been alive, the countless years that you have lived, can you really say that you haven’t done something so bad that you thought you would never do? No one knows what they are capable of until a situation presents itself for them to learn!” 

Patton was speechless for a moment as Logan glared at him. The shame, the anger, the pain, the disgust, all of it swirled through their bond making the smaller man’s body shake with the force of it all. 

“No,” Patton admitted softly, lifting his chin in defiance. “No, I can’t.”

Logan tensed at the words. Whatever argument he had prepared died on his lips. He let Patton’s pain wash through him with no resistance. The dragon mirrored Logan’s self-loathing with his own. 

What had Patton been through? How could Logan be so insensitive? For once, being right was not something Logan enjoyed. 

“Patton-”

“Don’t!” the smaller man ordered flatly. “ My choices were made and set long ago. Whatever the situation was, there is no excuse for you to choose your life over someone else’s. I know better than I hope you ever will. There is no equal trade for death!”

“You’re right,” Logan sighed. “I spent what felt like an eternity in those cells. I was forced to lay awake for weeks on end, and when I was finally allowed to rest, Virgil was sent to turn my dreams into nightmares. I was tortured, beaten down both mentaly and physically. The things that they did to me…” he paused, fists clenched at his sides, tears streaming down his cheeks. “I don’t have the words… But I survived and when an opportunity presented itself for me to escape, I took it! I didn’t care about the consequences… There is no excuse for what I’ve done.”

Patton set his jaw against Logan’s turmoil, his own tears threatening to spill. 

“But the consequences I chose to ignore are here now,” Logan pointed out, voice breaking slightly. “And Virgil is paying for my choices.”

Logan paused, finally managing to get a hold of himself as he started running through his mental list of alphabetized constellations. 

“It was different back then,” Logan whispered softly, “I didn’t- I didn’t know Virgil was so… I thought he-” Logan tried to explain, his own brain betraying him. 

“Logan,” Patton sighed, moving to press against him. The dragon would have given anything to be able to wrap his arms around the tall man, but knew it would be far too painful for him. Instead, he settled for squishing himself against Logan’s chest. 

“It shouldn’t have mattered whether Virgil was the man I thought he was or not,” Logan admitted, wrapping his arms around Patton’s small form.. He pressed his face into Patton’s auburn curls and breathed him in, searching for some form of comfort. “I have regretted my actions every second of every day since,” he admitted. “I had hope that in finding a new source we could both survive. However, if the opportunity presented itself for Virgil to gain a new bond without me then-”

“Then you would have chosen to die,” Patton supplied for him, burying his face in the man’s chest.

“Yes, knowing that my actions had been corrected,” Logan nodded. 

“But then I came along,” Patton’s muffled voice sniffled. “I’m so sorry, Lo.”

“Nonsense,” Logan said simply.  “I’m thankful you did. I am  a better person when I’m around you and I can’t bring myself to regret that or anything else when it comes to knowing you. Regardless,” he continued, “there is no use dwelling on the past. I can not change my previous actions, but I can change what I do in the future. I am the reason Virgil is in the state he is. I caused this and I should be the one to correct it.”

Patton shifted to press his ear against Logan’s chest, trying to calm himself with the rhythmic pounding of his heartbeat. 

He could feel Logan through the bond. 

He could feel his determination. 

He could feel his fear and loathing, his reservations; Logan would do whatever it took to save Virgil or he would die in the process. 

Patton steeled himself. There was no doubt in his mind...

Logan was determined to die along with Virgil if they failed. 

……………………………………………………………………………………..

Silence fell between the witch and the baku. Remy’s coffee had grown cold long ago as Virgil recited his tale. 

“I told you, you should have never trusted that seer,” Remy scoffed, folding their hands in their lap as they tried to make sense of it all. 

“Remy,” Virgil huffed, obviously not amused.

“Guuurrlll! You know I’m right!” they replied sassily. 

“I have no regrets,” Virgil countered simply. 

“Except that you're as good as dead. Puppet, you’re paler than I am,” Remy pointed out. 

“Yeah, well, what can I say?” Virgil mused. “It looks good on you. I had to try the look for myself,” he teased. “Listen, if we save Roman, then my death won’t be a problem.”

“We?” the baku asked with an arched brow. “As in you and the astrology nerd?”

“It’s astronomy, Remy,” Virgil sighed, hand lifting to rub at the back of his neck. 

“Whatever,” the baku dismissed.

“And not exactly. I need your help,” he admitted softly. 

“Obviously,” they groaned. “Listen, Doll, I want to help. I really do. I certainly don’t want you to kick the bucket, but I’m not like you. I don’t have a bond to severe. I’m stuck here.”

“I know,” Virgil hurried, leaning forward in his eagerness. “I know you have a deal with Noname and your deal can’t be broken, but if we succeed-”

“You won’t.”

“But if we do-”

“You won’t.” Remy added once more.

“Then you can strike up a new deal with Roman, a creature more powerful than Noname,” Virgil offered, making the baku pause. 

“That’s an awfully big if, Puppet,” Remy sighed softly, turning their gaze to the imaginary sky as they considered it. 

“That wasn’t a no,” Virgil pointed out with a grin. 

“You don’t even know what Prince Charming is,” they pointed out. 

“Does it matter? Whatever he is, he is stronger than Noname. Otherwise why would the guy want his power?” the witch countered. 

He had a point, Remy had to admit that. Still, Remy’s deal with Noname was a pretty sweet gig, even if he forgot to feed them once in a while. Was it worth risking? What if this new deal wasn’t as good? Technically there was nothing in their contract with Noname that kept them from forming new deals. It could work, at least hypothetically. It was a risk Remy wouldn’t usually be willing to take. But…

Virgil stared up at them, eyes shining with something Remy could only assume was hope. They hated hope. It was such a messy human emotion. Hope always failed, and when it did it was worse than if they hadn’t felt it in the first place.

“Come on, Remy!” Virgil pleaded playfully, “If I die then who are you going to get all the good tea from?” 

Remy pursed their lips, gaze narrowing. 

“Guuurrl, please! Your tea is mediocre at best!” they scoffed. 

“Maybe, but you’re gonna miss me and you know it!” Virgil chuckled. 

“Psh!” Remy scoffed, rolling their eyes. “What makes you think you're so special, Doll?” 

“Because I am,” Virgil counted, “Who else gets a cool pet name like ‘Puppet’?” Honestly, Virgil hated the nickname.

Remy tensed at that, shooting him another glare. 

“I call everyone that.”

“Liar!” 

“Fine!” they huffed in defeat. Virgil was right, they would be miserable if he died and misery did not look good on a diva of their caliber. “I’ll help, but just ‘cause I’m tired of this drab cell! I deserve better!” 

“Of course,” Virgil laughed. “I agree wholeheartedly.”

“So, what's the plan?” Remy pressed, giving another wave of their hand to conjure more of the dark liquid. They were going to need a lot more coffee if they were going to survive this…

To be continued. 

Taglist:

@hiddendreamer67 @nightashes @aequinoctiale @sumersnowlilly

[marjorieee125]

Best Amazon AWS Accounts 100% Verified

3 Just how do you make and trigger a brand-new AWS account?

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AWS provides a lot of Advantages in addition to other cloud services like Google, Microsoft, IBM, etc. That's the reason this platform is currently such a massive hit the business.

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Resolution

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[specindiablog]

Multicloud Strategy in Cloud Computing: An Overview

IDC's research indicates that “over 90% of enterprise-scale organizations plan to make use of multiple clouds in the next several years.” 

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From the above-mentioned statistics, it can be concluded that the enterprises are moving from single-cloud deployment strategy to the multi-cloud deployment strategy. It is because; they want to move their workloads to the multi-cloud for greater flexibility, agility, and efficiency. Moreover, when it comes to cost and capabilities, the enterprise does not want to tie their service with only one single cloud provider.

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If you are the one, this blog is for you!

The purpose of this blog is to solve all your basic doubts of multi-cloud deployment and provide an in-depth understanding of multiple cloud strategy.

What is Multicloud?

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While many might confuse Multi-cloud with hybrid cloud services, mind you that these two are completely different concepts with no comparison or common factors.

Hybrid Cloud vs. Multicloud:

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How Multi-cloud strategy did come into practice?

Initially, enterprises were dependent on a single cloud platform and mainly the market was covered by the Amazon Web Services (AWS). But, then there were different tech giants jumping into the sector, Google and Microsoft were two big competitors of Amazon. Also, the concept of Hybrid Cloud was gaining attention in the market. So, the enterprises were intrigued to get the best service and they were failing to get it on one cloud server.

As there were many options available, the enterprise started experimenting by combining various cloud technologies. Hence, the trend was set in the market where companies choose to use multiple public clouds as well as private servers and deployed different components on different servers based on the capability and benefits of the cloud server.

This was later termed as Multi-cloud Strategy and it spread like a wildfire across the development industry.

Why organizations must employ a multi-cloud strategy? Or why companies must move to multi cloud? (Question from Quora)

Well, just as it is said that one must diversify the sources of income to cut the risks and failures, in the same manner, organizations must deploy a multi-cloud strategy to cut the risk of dependency of a digital platform on a single cloud server.

Apart from dependency, the organizations can use multi-clouds on active-active or active-passive base. Active-active means the use of different cloud platforms whether it is public or private to store different components of the same architecture and then connecting them all.

While in active-passive multi-cloud strategy, the organization deploys the whole code on one cloud server and then keeps the backup on other as passive.

Thus, in the time of emergency, the passive server can be activated to ensure smooth functioning of the application.

Scenarios of choosing the specific cloud providers

As per the Gartner white paper on Cloud wars: Comparing major cloud platform providers

96% prefer AWS when the application is focused on features, scaling, ecosystem, and marketplace

87% prefer Microsoft Azure, when they want identity access management and financial incentives

67% prefer Google Cloud Platform, when they need better storage, technology, and network

46% prefer IBM for service suite, location and network and managed service

VMware a private cloud infrastructure is an option when the organization places an importance on resource pooling

How enterprise benefits from Multi cloud strategy?

Avoids vendor lock-in

In a multi-cloud approach, you can have greater control over your infrastructure! Being locked with the service from a single vendor, there’s a risk of limited flexibility, data loss or service downtime, etc. Using a multi-cloud approach, you can use the service from other cloud vendors to suit the changing capabilities or pricing needs.

For instance, in 2017, S3 was offline for more than five hours, which affected badly to the small and large organizations. In such a scenario, a multi-cloud approach enables you to have a backup and can ensure 99% uptime.

Greater flexibility

The biggest benefit of multi-cloud is its the flexibility of cost and agility. Different applications require different levels of compliance, security, workloads and customer experience; hence to satiate this need, multi-cloud infrastructure provides the ability to match the needs of different business units for the best outcomes.

Lower risk of DDoS attack

Using more than one provider creates a higher level of network resiliency, which means the right multiple cloud model refrain you from DDoS attacks. If in-case cloud provider is affected by the cyber incident, your team can easily move services to another secured cloud environment. It is difficult for hackers to attack the whole application that is deployed on multiple clouds.

Reduction in expenditure 

Using the service to match workloads from different cloud environments enable the organizations to optimize performance and reduces cost. When you use different cloud service providers, it creates room for different competitive prices which lessen up the burden of cost.

Geographic availability

Applications which are performance-sensitive requires server which is close to their geographical location. With Multi cloud approach, companies can look for cloud vendors with data centers in their geographic region.

Data governance and compliance – its challenge

Some countries follow strict data-handling regulations! They always want that private data shouldn’t be stored abroad. However, it is not necessary that all cloud vendors have a data center in a particular country or region. By using the service of different cloud vendors, companies can act in accordance with various rules such as ITAR or GDPR.

Challenges to be considered

Management and Functionality difficulties

Much of the time and resources are utilized in understanding the single cloud platform. Moreover, each cloud platform has complexities and managing all can result in a problematic situation. Hence, developers cannot concentrate on other tasks!  If a multicloud environment is not monitored properly, it leads to operational problems, creating obstacles in security and networking. If left unattended, it will impact enterprise agility and incurred unexpected costs.

Resources must have proficient skills

With Multi-cloud approach, organizations need proficient skilled resources in domains like cloud infrastructure management, applications and business process management, etc. The team must have varied skills in cloud computing to manage different cloud environments easily.

Security of data 

Security is a key problem when dealing with multi-cloud environments since the data keep traveling in different environments. It can lead to security drawbacks if the multi-cloud environment is not managed properly and security updates are not applied properly.

When your organizations should adopt a multi cloud strategy?

Considering the advantages and disadvantages of a multi-cloud environment, you may consider using for your next big project. But is it the right fit for your organization?

So, let’s see in what scenarios you should prefer a multi-cloud approach

When unexpected or unscheduled downtime drastically affects your business

When you find more operational advantages due to a wider choice of services

When you have enough skilled resources to take advantage of the opportunities

When you are developing a complex architecture

When you want the flexibility to migrate to either public cloud or a private infrastructure operation

Wrapping it up

Above mentioned are all the basic things, you needed to know about Multicloud strategy! This approach not only enables companies to better manage the disasters and have the freedom of choice when it comes to cloud selection, it also helps the enterprises in keeping the budget of the development and deployment in check while getting nothing but the best!

Based on the adoption and the openness of the market, it can be said that the Multi-cloud strategy is here to stay for a longer time in the market. So, are you looking to implement the right kind of cloud strategy for your business? We at SPEC INDIA can help you with the multi-cloud solution to get the best out of cloud computing. Want to learn more? Give us a call.

[theheavymetalmama]

Katie Reviews “Fallout 76″

Apocalyptic

I originally had no intention of playing this game. While I was wowed by the teaser trailer, the second it was confirmed that it would be an online massive multiplayer spinoff I immediately lost all interest. It’s a genre I couldn’t care less about, as MMO’s are all just endlessly killing random things across an open world that’s as big as an ocean but as shallow as a petri dish. Still, with WoW running on fumes and the battle royale genre being the new hotness in gaming developers and publishers are giving the MMO thing another shot, and in the case of Fallout 76 Bethesda asked “Can we have both?”

Clearly that answer is no.

Now full disclosure, yes, I played the original Fallout and Fallout 2, as well as Brotherhood of Steel, Fallout 3, New Vegas, and the very divisive Fallout 4. No, I’m not one of those fans who hold 1 and 2 aloft like She Ra’s magic sword nor do I think 3 or 4 are blights on the series. I also really dig New Vegas, but I’m one of the fans who likes the game and will admit its’ flaws other than the glitches.

So to answer your question. Is Fallout 76 the worst Fallout game ever? No, that would be Brotherhood of Steel, but 76 is right up there. I’m not kidding. Fallout 76 is a terrible game. When reviews and word of mouth came in I just had to try this game for myself, and luckily(?) for me a friend of mine got this game and let me give it a shot. I fired it up, created a character, watched the opening cutscene and jumped into the game, and oh my jumping Jesus. It wasn’t just bad, it was so much worse than I could have imagined. It’s exactly the kind of bog standard open world survival game with crafting and zombies shamelessly cashing in on the then success of games like Day Z and Rust that still flood Steam’s front page to this day.

First person shooting in Bethesda Fallout games were always a bit janky at best, but combat in this game feels like trying to play Fallout 3 where the VATS system doesn’t work and there’s an agitated cat constantly jumping on and off you while you play. Speaking of VATS, in this game, forget about it. I can’t tell you how often I shot at something at damn near point blank range and still managed to miss the target completely. Thought to be perfectly honest, even if I was landing direct hits it still wouldn’t matter all that much because pretty much every weapon in their vanilla form that isn’t a minigun or missile launcher has so little impact they may as well be BB guns.

The story is awful. Say what you will about the trite and lopsided main story of Fallout 4, but it was still a story. There a beginning, middle, and end with all sorts of different characters you meet along the way. In 76, all you do is talk to a bunch of random computer monitors and maybe a couple of robots that send you bouncing around all over the map like a Fallout themed pinball machine and you’re the ball. And to what end? I don’t know, because it was so soul crushingly boring that I outright abandoned the main story after like the fourth time speaking to a static screen with some dude’s mug on it.

While there is some impressive lighting in this game, on the whole the graphics and aesthetics look like a bland, washed out version of Fallout 4. There are a few decent visuals and some of the interior details paint a clear picture of what happened when the bombs fell, but unlike previous installments almost none of them are memorable. It’s been well over a year since I last played Fallout 3, and I still remember the locations, set pieces, and visuals like the wrecked Nuka Cola truck and the entrance to Rivet City. Meanwhile I dropped 76 not two days ago and I barely remember anything as far as location specific details go.

Now I don’t know if this part was just me, but the server I played on was barely populated. I ran into maybe three other people, one of which was a griefing little shithead. Not only did it feel empty for an online multiplayer game, but this made fights with certain enemies mind numbingly tedious. You can go it alone, but it’s painfully obvious the game was designed for you to pal around with at least five or six other players. Again, I don’t know if this is common or just me, but my playthrough was pretty damn barren. I know that sounds weird since Fallout games are supposed to feel dead, barren, and empty, but this felt less like wandering a post nuclear wasteland and more like exploring an abandoned shopping mall.

And speaking of tedium there’s the resource management and crafting. I only made it to about level 10 or so, but even then by that point I was spending about ten minutes every hour or so sorting and scraping through my loot so as to not overburden my character. See, the only place you can safely sleep and store items is your own personal, portable camping sight. It’s a good idea in theory, but in practice it only serves to add more arduous busywork as your storage box consists of a measly 400 pounds. Which wouldn’t be a big deal if it weren’t for the fact that after Fallout 4 I was wired to pick up every single useless piece of junk for every scrap of resources for building my settlements, so in Fallout 76 I was endlessly juggling my gear deciding what to keep, what to scrap, and what to leave behind. I don’t feel like I’m making use of what I have in order  to build a new world from the ashes of the old; I feel like Tim the Tool Man at a fucking garage sale.

Fallout 76 is to the Fallout series what Chinese Democracy was to Guns n’ Roses. It’s well and truly awful, a blight not just on the series and Bethesda, but on gaming as a whole. MMO’s in general rarely make any impact, and even the ones that succeed eventually get chewed up and spat out by World of Warcraft. And since WoW refuses to die, time and time again a publisher throws their hat into the MMO ring to test their mettle and very few of them are successful.

Bethesda is yet another notch on the holster of failed MMOs. They wanted World of Fallout, and instead they ended up with City of Zeroes.

2/10. Country roads, take me home. Please.