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fanfoolishness · 1 month

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Senescence

Clones have always lived on borrowed time. On a trip home from the Rebellion, Omega and her family reach a new understanding. Bittersweet soft family feels, ~2700 words. Written for the @summer-of-bad-batch prompts "Just when were you planning on telling us me that?" and "Yeah, kid, we're fine."

---

Don’t go in blasters blazing, Omega thought, despite the fact that she felt so furious she thought she might climb out of her skin. She thought of Mon Mothma, working in the Imperial Senate and keeping her face calm even when she was lying through her teeth. She could do it too. She keyed in the code and her brothers’ front door opened up.

Hunter was sitting on the couch, his bandaged leg propped up on a footstool. A new walker stood nearby. A guilty expression lodged immediately on his face, and he threw a blanket over his leg, trying to conceal it. “Hey, look who’s back!” he said warmly, though his eyes still looked furtive.

Batcher woofed slightly, creaking to her feet and shambling towards her. Omega sank to her knees in the entry area, patting Batcher furiously. She could feel the knobbiness of Batcher’s spine through her fur now, aged muscles having wasted, but Batcher was just as pleased to see her as ever. Omega closed her eyes, taking a deep breath and feeling heartened by Batcher’s excitement. “Thanks, girl,” she whispered.

She got to her feet, setting her things down.. She heard the bedroom door open and Wrecker came down the hall, calling to Hunter as he came, his cane stumping down the hall. “Hey, who’s that at the -- Omega!” He closed the distance to her, setting his cane against the wall and flinging his arms wide for a massive hug, teetering slightly as he did so. Some of her anger dissipated as she went to him and threw her arms around him, bracing herself to lend him a little extra support. She rested her head against his shoulder, sighing gratefully.

“Didn’t know you were comin’ home,” Wrecker said softly, his voice thick. He always got choked up when she came home. She hugged him extra tight. “I’d of baked a cake.”

Omega gave him one last squeeze, then pulled back. Stay calm. “Well,” she said carefully, “I wasn’t planning on it… until a little mynock told me about Hunter’s leg.”

“There’s nothing to worry about,” Hunter said in exasperation from the living room.

“Oh, really?” Omega came to stand in front of him, crossing her arms over her chest and frowning down at him. He gave her an uneasy smile, then winced. Scrapes and abrasions crisscrossed his chin and nose, along with a bruise along his untattooed cheekbone. He reached up to brush his gray and white hair back from his face, looking sheepish. “So who told you? Phee? Shep? Vik?”

“Phee,” Omega admitted. “She thought I already knew. Said she’d keep an eye on you for me after your accident.” She gave them both a tight smile. “You should’ve seen my face when she told me.”

“He’s fine,” Wrecker said quickly, sitting down beside Hunter. “Honest. AZI’s been takin’ care of him, and me and Crosshair, too.”

“It was just a little fall,” Hunter said, ducking his head defensively. “It could’ve happened to anyone. You know what the stairs are like when it rains --”

“And just when were you planning on telling me that this ‘little fall’ broke your leg?” she asked. She knew she was raising her voice, her attempt at a calm exterior starting to fail. She turned away from them, taking deep breaths.

She gazed down at the little alcove opposite the couch, where she had put Tech’s goggles when they first moved in. Now that her brother’s goggles had a place of honor in the Marauder II, the alcove held other things: holoscans of her family through the years, portraits that Crosshair had painted of Tech and Echo, a decorative weaving from Wrecker in Lula’s colors, jewelry Omega had made. And from Hunter, a wooden carving of a familiar skull emblem.

Seeing it all again, her composure broke, and she turned back to them, angrily wiping away tears.

“Look, kid, we didn’t want to worry you,” Hunter said. “I know you’re mad I didn’t tell you. But I’m gonna be fine. AZI’s got me taken care of, the villagers are helping out with some of our work, it’s not a big deal. Things happen,” he said, giving her one of those steady, calm looks she had so cherished when she was small.

For a moment, she almost believed him.

But she wasn’t small anymore. She was a grown woman blessed with normal aging, but her brothers weren’t, and it was catching up to them. She knew a year or two ago, Hunter could still have caught himself easily from a trip or a fall, could have bounced back with just a little stiffness and a tweaked ankle or wrist. Instead, looking at the scrapes on his face, she realized he’d not only fallen, but hadn’t been able to break the fall at all.

“Omega?” Wrecker asked. He patted the couch beside him, where there was an empty seat between himself and Hunter.

She reluctantly sat down between them, then flung her arms around Hunter, pulling him to her as hard as she could. She tried to fight back tears but they spilled out anyway, hot and damp into the collar of his shirt. He held her, whispering, “I’m sorry, kid. It’s okay. It’s gonna be okay.”

“Is it?” Omega asked, looking hard into his brown eyes, then into Wrecker’s. She laid a hand on Wrecker’s cheek against his scruffy white beard and gave him a watery smile. She turned back to Hunter, leaning forward to rest her forehead against his. “You’re getting older so fast,” she whispered. “All of you. And I’m… I’m scared.”

She and Hunter breathed in, breathed out, like they’d done a hundred times before. But that was different; that was back when she was a kid. She pulled away from him to rest her face in her hands. “We’re… losing a lot of people. Our base on Hoth was overrun, and it was a total mess. We’re doing our best but the Empire’s so massive. And when it gets hard I think of all of you. It’s like, at least there’s somewhere safe out there, somewhere the Empire can’t touch, where I know the people I love are going to be all right. Except I don’t know that now.”

Wrecker rested his hand on her shoulder, and Hunter reached out, resting one hand on her knee. “We take care of each other, kid,” Wrecker said. “An’ when we can’t… well, we’re figurin’ out how to ask for help. We’re not alone here, and we’re not the first people to ever get old.” He managed a chuckle, though his eyes were watery. “We’re just doin’ it a little faster than usual.”

“It isn’t fair,” Omega said, as much as she knew it made her sound like a kid. She shook her head at herself, laughing ruefully. “I know life isn’t fair. But this is hard. I wish I was here with you.”

“No you don’t,” Hunter said in a gruff voice, which he followed with a soft smile. “You thought Wrecker talked too much about bodily functions before, you should hear him get going now that he’s got actual ailments.”

“Hey,” Wrecker said, sticking out his tongue. “At least you know what mine are. Crosshair’s always moanin’ under his breath, but when you ask him why, he just goes ‘ohhh it’s nothing.’ That’s worse!”

“And I just get cranky when something’s bothering me. Like this leg,” Hunter admitted. He twitched aside the blanket covering his leg, revealing a cast that went almost to his knee.

Omega sighed, smiling at him. “You have been extra cranky the last call or two.” She nudged him in the shoulder. “I should have realized something was up, but I was a little distracted with the whole saving the galaxy thing.”

The front door opened, and they turned to see Crosshair come in, carrying a bag of fresh fruit and a well-worn leather satchel. He stopped immediately at seeing Omega. “Omega,” he said, a smile spreading over his deeply lined face. Then he scanned the couch and saw that Hunter’s cast and the walker were visible. His shoulders slumped. “So you know about Hunter’s little spill.”

“I know you didn’t tell me either,” Omega accused, though her anger had nearly faded away. She got to her feet, giving him a fierce look for a moment as he set down the fruit and his satchel of art supplies. She tried to look as stern as possible, though a smile kept threatening to break out on her face.

Crosshair held out both hands in supplication, one flesh, one metal. His metal hand seemed to be working smoothly; she’d check with him before she left in case it needed any tuning up. He sighed. “Truce? Hunter swore me to secrecy.”

“Me too,” Wrecker pointed out.

“So this is all Hunter’s fault?” Omega asked, looking around at all three of them.

“As usual,” said Crosshair.

Hunter shrugged. “Guilty.”

“Well, now that that’s settled,” said Crosshair, raising his eyebrows at Omega. “I believe you owe me a hug.”

“Oh, of course I do,” Omega said. She strode to the kitchen, pulling her youngest brother into an embrace. He lowered his head slightly, resting his cheek against hers, his white beard soft against her skin. “Love you, little brother,” she whispered.

“Love you, Omega,” he whispered, quietly enough that only she could hear him.

She pulled back, letting him go. “C’mon.”

“Come on, what?”

“House meeting,” she said. “Now. I know I don’t technically live here anymore --”

“Excuse me, you’ll always have a room here, kid!”

“But there’s some things we need to talk about.”

---

It was late, and they’d talked through Batcher’s afternoon walk, into dinnertime, well past moonrise. Through the large window in the living room Omega could see the stars spangling the night sky, a fraction of all that lay beyond them. The waning moon wheeled high. She turned to her brothers, stifling a yawn.

“Sure you can’t stay longer?” Hunter asked. “At least a few days.”

“I told you, Hunter, I’m expected back at 1200 tomorrow. I’ll have to leave first thing in the morning,” Omega said. “Hera’s working off some new intel and she’ll need backup. I can’t let her down.” She smiled tiredly. “But I didn’t want to let all of you down, either.”

“You couldn’t possibly,” said Crosshair. His glasses slipped down the bridge of his nose, and he nudged them up. Not for the first time she wondered how much he and Tech might have looked alike by this age, a bittersweet thought.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you myself, kid,” Hunter said. “But we’ll agree to your demands.”

“When’d you get so good at negotiating?” Wrecker asked, shaking his head.

“Just one of my many skills,” Omega laughed. “So you mean it? If one of you, including Batcher, gets seriously sick or injured, will you actually tell me next time?”

“As long as it’s worse than a sniffle,” Hunter amended. “You don’t need to worry about every little ache and pain. We’re going to get older. That’s just how it works.” He gave her a sad smile. “Clones have always lived on borrowed time. We’ve gotten more than most.”

She swallowed, her throat tight. As much as she wanted her brothers to slow everything down, to age slowly and gently like Shep and Phee, she knew that no one possessed the power to undo what the Kaminoans had created. She had to accept that someday, sooner than she could bear, all of them would follow Tech and Echo before them.

But her brothers were brave. They always had been. She would be, too.

Omega nodded. “I understand. I know this is what we’ve been dealt. And I know we’ve been so, so lucky to have had the time we did.” She wiped at her eyes, blinking back more tears. “So stupid. I told myself I wasn’t going to cry again.”

“We’re not dyin’ right now,” Wrecker laughed. He was crying again, too, fresh tears on his cheeks, but his laugh was as big and booming as ever. “So don’t worry too much about us just yet.”

“Yeah, kid,” said Hunter, giving her a kind smile, his eyes a little too bright. “We’re fine. Honest.”

Crosshair brought out a fresh toothpick, angling it between his teeth. He puffed up his chest. “Don’t worry, Omega. I’ll keep an eye on these old-timers.”

“You know you’re only the youngest by a standard week, right?” Omega said, giggling.

“With accelerated aging, it could be a few weeks,” said Crosshair loftily. “I’ll make the most of it.”

“Oh sure, laugh it up, whippersnapper,” Hunter snorted.

“Okay, okay, you grumpy old men, some of us have to get to bed and go fight a rebellion,” Omega laughed. “Come on. Let me give you all another hug.”

“Won’t say no to that,” said Wrecker. He went to foist himself up from the couch, then paused, holding up his hand. “Mind giving me a hand? Back’s been killing me.”

“Any time, Wrecker.” She braced herself, holding out her hand for him to grip. Together they got him to his feet, and she handed him his cane automatically. He leaned against it, holding out his other arm as wide as he could, engulfing her in a massive hug. Her ear was pressed against his chest, and she listened to his heartbeat, its rhythm strong and steady. “Love you, you know.”

“‘Course I know. Love you, too,” he murmured. “Keep takin’ good care of Lula for me.”

Crosshair was next. Even though Crosshair wasn’t as thin as he used to be, it was still always funny going from hugging Wrecker to hugging him. Her arms wrapped securely around him, and he held her close. He’d shrunk a little, and she’d grown, to the point there were only a few centimeters between their heights now. “Drawing anything new?” she murmured into his ear.

“Some of the birds from around the island,” he confessed. He still got shy sometimes about his work, even though he was always learning new things. “I can show you next time.”

“Of course. Looking forward to it, Crosshair.”

Hunter was last. She sat down on the couch beside him, resting her head on his shoulder as he put his arm around her. She slipped one arm behind his back and curled up beside him. “How does your leg feel?” she asked quietly.

“It hurts, but it’s manageable,” said Hunter. “I’ll follow all of AZI’s instructions. Promise.”

“You’d better. I’m sure Batcher misses her walks with you.”

“She’s adapting. But I miss them too,” he admitted. “So I’ll work hard to heal this. And we’ll let you know if there’s a problem.”

“Okay.”

She snuggled in closer to him, feeling safer than she had in a long time. “I love you, Hunter.”

“Love you so much, kid.”

---

She lay on her back in her bed in her childhood bedroom, watching the stars glow and twinkle across the ceiling. Batcher snored contentedly on the floor beside her, flopped peacefully on her side. Everything here was as Omega had left it, though she had told them they could use the space for other things if they needed. Clearly her brothers had their own idea.

It had been hard for them when she left, she knew that, but it was something she needed to do. It was going to be hard to leave this time, too, knowing that every time she came home, they’d be a little bit older, a little bit frailer.

Knowing that maybe someday she’d lose them, without getting to say goodbye.

Omega closed her eyes. She remembered the green smells of Kashyyyk, the sound of Pabu’s waves, Crosshair’s hand in hers, years ago. She took a deep breath, reminding herself that she was here, and so were her brothers. The future hadn’t arrived yet; there was only the present. And in the present she knew her brothers loved her, and they knew she loved them in return.

That would never change. She was more sure of it than anything.

Omega smiled, and she carried that thought in every breath, in every heartbeat, until at last she fell asleep.

#the bad batch #summerofbadbatch2024 #summer of bad batch #omega bad batch #hunter bad batch #wrecker bad batch #crosshair bad batch #pabu #my batcher fic #yes i teared up multiple times writing this what of it???#just me over here thinking about the batch getting older #crying forever #notes: yes there are birding and art references in here #yes our boys are all old #and it's okay because there's just so much love here #but i'm still crying forever

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lovesickeros · 10 months

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can.. can I ask for an affectionate reader with characters who aren’t normally like… used to the love? like, not just through words but physical affection like hand-holding, kisses, hugs, all that shebang. probably with a few people like yelan, ei, basically any character that is either cut-off from society or seems socially distant or isolated. 😞

☆ affectionate reader with yelan, ei, & furina

[ 4.2 Archon Quest spoilers ]

× yelan

Varies between how you display your affection, to be honest. Just like being affectionate with people? She's cool with it as long as you don't pop by while she's working (mostly because she'll end up dragging you into it for a bit of fun). I don't think she's all that touchy feely herself, but she'll absolutely get you gifts instead– like pretty knick nacks? She'll make sure to snag any she thinks you might like. Like a good meal? Sure, she'll take you out to one of the restaurants in the city, doesn't matter how expensive. Her treat. If you do prefer physical gifts rather then being taken out, you'll eventually get used to the random unmarked letters and packages showing up where your staying pretty often. It's obvious to know who it came from even if she never signs anything.

Flirty reader, though? Whole nother can of worms and now it's a challenge. The more confident you are the more interested she is. The other acolytes would absolutely seethe at the idea but she has no hesitation at just straight up flirting back– she's as charismatic as they come and she's got a poker face that's basically impenetrable. She'll probably also make a bet to see who cracks first (she always wins, unsurprisingly). Probably won't get dragged into any of her schemes this way but if you ask politely maybe she'll consider it, anyway.

The smell of freshly brewed tea and the clatter of dice across wood was a common sight at the Yanshang Teahouse– less common was the woman secluded in the far corner, her lips pulled into a grin that flashed fangs and a look that would scare off the most confident of men.

She'd normally try to scope out any new blood that'd made the mistake of stepping into her teahouse and was equally stupid enough to accept a gamble against her just for the thrill of it, but she was far too absorbed in the warm body at her side, one of her die clasped tightly in their hand as she guided them through the motions– they had a knack for it, she had to admit. The thought made her preen, the clatter of the die as it rolled across the table giving her that subtle, familiar rush.

Even if she knew exactly where it'd land.

"Six. Hm, maybe you're just lucky," She muses, plucking the die from the table and holding it up to her eye like a prized jewel, "Or maybe you're not as innocent as you'd have us believe." There's a sharp glint in her eyes at the prospect, but everyone else has the sense to keep their heads down and their words to themselves as she tosses the die herself.

"So why don't we find out and make a bet, just between you and me?"

× ei

Varies between Ei and the Shogun, because you'll probably be seeing either as much as the other. Sometimes you gotta really squint to tell who it is sometimes, but you get used to it. Both are fairly similar, though, in that their first instinct (especially in public) is to tense up like you're about to attack them or something. Difference is Ei eventually relaxes after a solid minute of trying to process your sudden affection and, if no one else is around, she might even reciprocate. Just don't tease her for being a little stiff and awkward about it, she's trying. That's what happens when your only company is a robot and uh. Nothing. For like 500 years. She's trying. Raiden, on the other hand, is just about as awkward as you can imagine. She's polite (blunt) about it because Ei is fond of you and also you are. The Creator. But she's not really built to deal with personal relationships and so she doesn't know how to deal with affection.

..Depending on what you do you may or may not blue screen Ei hard enough that she retreats back to PoE

Ei usually isn't fond of sitting still, unless it's to meditate. At least then she goes in with a purpose, something to achieve– but now, she's just focused on trying not to make a fool of herself. Her muscles are starting to ache from how hard she's tensing, though, in an effort to sit as straight and still as possible as their hands glide through her hair, weaving it into a single braid.

She can just barely hear the subtle lilt of their voice as they hum– and though it is soothing, it is also..very distracting. She can't focus long enough to try and meditate, too lost in the gentle rise and fall of their voice and the care they take to braid her hair. If she'd had a heart, she'd sure it'd be beating so wildly against her ribcage they could hear it.

But then it stops– their hands fall back to their sides and their humming falters. She freezes, too, racking her brain for any slights she must have committed. Instead, she is met with a calm, tender touch on the back of her neck, making her inhale sharply.

"Am I making you uncomfortable, Ei? You're so tense.." She has to grit her teeth to stop herself from bowing so low her head presses against the ground, her hands folded in her lap, clenching instinctively. "..No, Divine One." She answers simply, trying to contain the adoration swelling in her chest.

Yet as much as she tries to relax, to ease their worries, she finds that she cannot.

"Hm." That small murmur, a simple sound that nearly made her jump, was the only warning she got before they scooted closer, wrapping their arms around her stomach and resting their chin on her shoulder with a grin she would liken to Miko's, if she dared to make such a comparison. "Really?"

She swears she must've been feverish at the affection, lightheaded and dazed until she thought she might simply perish at the brush of their hands against her own.

Much to her embarrassment, however, she doesn't realize she's instinctively pulled back into Plane of Euthymia until she sees the familiar dull purples engulf her vision once again.

Though only a small solace, it seemed a little..brighter, this time.

× furina

Varies between pre 4.2 and post 4.2 archon quests to be honest.

Pre 4.2 she comes off as very vain– of course the most Divine would see fit to spoil her with affection! She deserves it, and is obviously their favorite! Just don't look too hard because she's terrible at hiding how flustered she actually is. Absolutely goes home right after and screams into her pillow for at least thirty minutes minimum.

Post 4.2 she's a lot more openly bashful and flustered. She's really not used to affection and even the smallest show of it has her folding immediately. Now that she doesn't need to worry about being found out she's a lot more receptive to affection. Cup her cheeks and compliment her and her knees are buckling. Like. Especially weak for compliments and praise (she deserves it. please spoil her).

She swears she must be hallucinating– she had been having trouble sleeping recently. But..no. The visage of the Creator was as real as the sweat beading on her brow as she stared at them for a long, awkward moment. Should..she let them in? But then they'd see the pathetic state she was in, and the last thing she wanted to do was make a fool of herself in front of them-!

Her choice was quickly made for her, anyway, as she let out an undignified squeak of surprise when they suddenly tugged her forward into their chest, enclosing her in a hug.

Her first reaction was to freeze– her second was becoming absolutely flustered, her cheeks flushing a soft pink and her mouth closing and opening as she tried to find her words.

"I– ah..um." She stumbled over her words instead, floundering like a fish out of water. Yet she felt a distinct sense of emptiness wash over her when they finally pulled back, looking a touch sheepish. "Sorry, sorry– you just looked like you needed a hug."

The silence spoke for itself, her shoulders tensing slightly. But the way the concern and affection bled through their voice made her waver, her hands trembling as she let out a shaky breath that almost sounded like a sigh.

"It's..It's fine! Fine, I'm fine." She repeated, trying desperately to ignored the way her voice cracked and how hot her face felt– though it was more an attempt to affirm herself that she was not thinking about how warm they felt, how much she..actually enjoyed the hug. She wasn't thinking about it all! Absolutely not!

..Maybe a little.

"Just warn me next time, please?"

#asks #sagau #genshin sagau #self aware genshin #genshin impact sagau #self aware genshin impact #fic tag #genshin cult au #genshin impact cult au #yelan #furina #ei #THIS DIDNT SHOW UP IN MY INBOX UNTIL LIKE #NOVEMBERBIM SORRY IM ANSERRING IT SO LATE??????#tumblr working right is a miracle that will never happen #anyway can u tell i have. biases. there r so many characters I wanted to write for this (shenhe.........) but I forced myself to limit it #to 4 for my own sanity and everyones elses #also didnt know if u wanted just yan or sagau so I went for my specialty 🧍‍♂️#was gonna include my beloved cryo archon but decided against it #ei the pathetic lesbian that u r....mwah #I'm sorry this took so long it took me 50 yrs to figure out yelan.. 😭#i am still not confident abt my characterization of her but shes so good at her job even im confused abt her #reading her lore crying and sobbing in the corner. shaking her like a can of soda #checks note idk uhh cocky doesnt let herself form personal relationships charismatic uhhhhhhhh #idk dont ask me i just started praying and hoping for the best here #i think she'd get a kick out of getting reader into like. fudging rolls and shit. create an absolute menace out of reader #set them loose and see what chaos happens #just kicks back and watches it all unfold internally laughing her ass off #i didnt know whether to just do headcanons in uh. bulleted list or like #full on drabbles

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lifeless-discodancer · 12 days

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I can't fix Kim but i what i can do is sit him down on his couch, wrap him in a blanket and make him watch an animated movie intended for kids, like Elysium's Winnie the Pooh or something, and let him experience something soft and sweet for once in his life. I feel like if he wasn't so repressed he would be the kind of person to get a teeny tiny bit teary-eyed when something sad happens to the characters, you know?? Like i feel he could the kind of person that cries a bit when a dog dies in a movie and i want to help him get there because his repressed ass won't be doing any of that on his own. He needs character development first

#note: this is different from harry because he would cry A LOT when a dog dies in a movie #his ass would not be able to watch A Dog's Purpose #he might even relate to the dog or something idk he's a freak like that (said with love)#anyway #both of them get very sad watching The Brave Little Toaster #i know what i'm saying i can feel it in my bones #kim🤝harry [too much empathy for objects]#i'm posting this because i'm a freak and a weirdo and i want to make kim feel emotions™#i'm trowing kim into the emotional ballpit and locking him in there until he comes out normal or at least more chill or something idk #emotions and feelings upon you #kim kitsuragi #disco elysium #lifeless-discothoughts

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felicitykings · 1 year

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endless list of pairings i love → charlie pace + claire littleton (lost)

You know, I’m not giving up on you either, Charlie. It’s gonna be okay. You’re gonna be okay. We’ll get through this together.

#lostedit #lost #charlie x claire #charlie pace #claire littleton #elosil #mine #mine: gifs #mine: lost #otp: spectacular consciousness altering love #tv: lost #they're so cute and pure i'm gonna combust #they deserved to both survive #i mean yay for afterlife reunions (that scene GOT ME i was CRYING - so beautiful)#but they deserved to both get off the island and be a family with aaron #but oh well at least we got the afterlife #(side note: that peanut butter scene is one of the cutest things i have ever witnessed)

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cartoonnerdygoat · 4 months

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I'm so sorry to anyone following my blog. I got into a youtube series about personified political ideologies and there will be nothing else I'm capable of thinking about for the next few days.

I'm shipping political ideologies now. Send help.

#centricide #this is as bad as my billford hyperfixation #i started of being into normal political theory and looking down on those simplifying it #i have become the one I disdained #i mean ok after ussr x usa this shouldn't be a surprise #ANYHOW DO YOU WANT TO HEAR ABOUT ANCOM'S AND TANKIE'S RELATIONSHIP??????????????!!!!!!#no but like the video “what happens after the communist revolution” genuinely made me ugly cry #like i knew this was what happened in reality but DAMN seeing the two characters do it in canon #and like and like and like :c #also i'm supposed to be studying for my junior cert. It's in like a week. (i was drawing the ideologies on my notes earlier)#alsooo i read a really good fanfic this morning and i gained a really big appreciation for repressed gay auth right #and i still haven't finished getting through centricide 7 #well at least i'm not rambling to my poor girlfriend anymore

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reynaruina · 2 months

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Why don’t you awnser any asks often?

Same reason I don't post art as often. At some point the engagement on my stuff started to drop off, and it became a disappointing prospect to post anything, like I already know people won't engage w it the same way they did in past years so even putting stuff out there hurts a little. Even worse w asks because the longer I leave them sitting the longer I know I'm making people wait for a response, the worse I feel, and the worse I feel the harder it is to respond.

#ask #even as I write this my face is red and I feel like crying #i fucking hate it living inside my brain.#it's like a carousel of inaction #i want off this ride man #i still draw a ton but it takes me forever to post #and whenever I post I don't even look if people interact w it or not cuz I'm almost always disappointed #and the rare times I'm not it just lights a bit of hope that gets squashed the next time I post a thing and gets little notes #i think having so many posts hit over 1k back when i started posting IZ art on Tumblr broke my perspective a little #and i dunno how to fix it #or enjoy posting art for it's own sake again #ain't that fun :)#rant

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a-very-sparkly-nerd · 3 months

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I know in the grand scheme of things that this is by no means a lot, but it doesn't stop me from being FLOORED by the reception of my Rayllum Month stuff?!?! Like these PROPORTIONS are NUTS to me and I'm just over here in my bedroom sobbing my eyes out that my stuff (apparently) resonates with people the way I really want it to.

(^ the proportions in question)

Like, out of 895 people, and SO FAST (6 days, as of my posting this), 15 subscribed and I've got 79 kudos?! And 16 bookmarks?! AND 17 PEOPLE CARED ENOUGH TO COMMENT WHAT THE HECK?!?!?! I'm an emotional mess you guys and ik it's not a lot but it means EVERYTHING to me that people like my writing and I just CAN'T-

#side note if you saw me post ch4 of it NO YOU DIDN'T #it was an accident but it'll be up in a few hours i pinky promise #the people i've met in this fandom are so genuinely amazing #like i actually can't think too long about interactions i've had otherwise i'll start crying (happy tears i swear)#so THANK YOU guys #i'm just a small town girl livin' in a lonely world and frantically making rayllum stuff to cope #like writing is so much to me and the fact that people like it always makes my heart explode #we do this for free! because we like it! and people care enough to get personal and interact and I LOVE FANDOM SO MUCH #brb crying in the tub #tdp #the dragon prince #rayllum #my fic #fic: i'm gonna marry him if he keeps all this up... i might just be in love #yk what?#FANDOM APPRECIATION POST #APPRECIATE PPL WHO WRITE AND PPL WHO MAKE ART AND PPL WHO COMMENT #AND EVEN JUST SHY PPL WHO DON'T COMMENT I SEE AND RESPECT AND LOVE YOU

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heytheredeann · 7 months

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Today on Very Serious Spy Scenarios, imagine Illya and Napoleon at the beginning of their partnership, with Napoleon happily pushing all of Illya's buttons every five seconds to try and see what will get him punched and what not. Illya is endlessly frustrated with him, especially because he CANNOT get a rise out of him, no matter how hard he tries.

And then one day, when they are arguing, again, Illya is getting desperate to Win This and so this conversation ensues:

Illya: "What's your problem, your parents never hugged you as a child?"

Napoleon, completely unfazed: "Actually no, my father barely spoke to me and my mother lowkey disliked me, so."

Illya:

Napoleon:

Illya:

Napoleon: "What?"

Illya: *getting teary-eyed*

Napoleon, now a little scared: "Peril?"

Illya: *bear hug attack*

#napollya #the man from uncle #tmfu #napoleon x illya #not spn #ely has shit to say #this is the end napoleon is getting hugged. forever #illya just can't help it #he instantly started picturing this tiny napoleon with his little curls and pointy teeth #making a sad little face because his parents don't love him #HOW COULD THEY NOT HUG HIM. HE WILL CRY.#meanwhile napoleon is just standing there rigid like a piece of wood with his face smashed against illya's shoulder #just quietly going '.....peril. what are you doing.'#'what does it LOOK like. i'm hugging you. because your parents are shitheads.'#'........uh'#in the upcoming weeks napoleon can SEE it on illya's face whenever he's thinking about this #illya just stares at him with his sad puppy eyes and napoleon throws his hands up like 'CHRIST peril i'm FINE'#meanwhile in illya's head there's a tiny cowboy being all sad and he can't handle it #what are his parents' name he needs to know. for science. on an unrelated note where is his rifle #gaby has no idea what happened but it's rather amusing and she's happy it doesn't involve her for once

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mintjeru · 3 months

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pov you are an anime fan in july 2024

#i am SO excited for natsume yuujinchou to return... it's been ten thousand years...#and magic knight rayearth!!! never in my wildest dreams would i have imagined it'd get a modern reboot #and it's their 30th anniversary already?? that manga was my childhood fr #i'll be keeping an eye out for the omniscient reader adaptation ofc #and rose of versailles could be interesting!! i didn't read or watch the og but the pv looks cool #i'm not particularly into witch hat atelier but i looked at the manga before and the art is beautiful #and i am waiting (not-so) patiently for some manga/manhwa series i'm following to get their sequels #tldr. shaking crying sobbing i cannot wait #made this bc i cannot draw atm (i wish i could draw)#edit: oh my god and how did i forget we are getting a hana kimi adaptation too #we are winning #note

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vulpinesaint · 2 months

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the difference that offering a child kindness and compassion can make... one of the kiddos was crying the other morning missing her mom. Sobbing crying. and i talked to her and she wasn't able to say very much from crying so hard but confirmed that she knew her mom was going to be back and it was going to be a good day and it was going to be alright but she was just inconsolable. and we did some good breaths together but she just couldn't get her breathing under control. so for like ten minutes i just had her drink some water and gave her a hug and sat with her while she cried until we were going off to the next activity and she had to go with different counselors. and by then she'd calmed down a little but was still sniffling and obviously upset but the important part is that even though i didn't even get her to stop crying anytime i saw that little girl the rest of that day and now throughout the rest of the Week after just sitting with her and offering some compassion i see her notice me as she goes by and she always looks right at me and smiles and gives me a little wave when i say hi. like we haven't had any other conversations since then but i can see the way that she recognizes me now. i'm not her favorite counselor i haven't spent more than twenty minutes with her tops but that little girl takes the time to seek out my acknowledgement cause i showed that i care about her.... y'know... cause i was gentle with her and that meant something to her... all to say. it doesn't matter if you have extended interactions with kids. it really doesn't. small things can make such a huge impact on children and i really sincerely think it's so important to show them kindness... help them up when they fall. give them a hug. sit with them while they cry. cause even if it doesn't Fix things even if you don't solve the problem or do anything really materially Helpful you will have shown that child that people care about them. and they notice... they remember... they do...

#man. mira won't even speak to me really but i can Tell it's significant to her when i say hi and call her by name #crazy... you have such power as a grownup to make an impression in a kid's life....#and in such small ways too. she's probably not going to remember me after a month or two.#but also one of my kiddos who i've known for a couple years now #his first week of summer camp he was just distraught every time he got dropped off. sobbing crying.#little incoming kindergartener and he was in water games camp and did not want to get wet. poor thing.#and i was the person there when he got dropped off that week and i sat with him and comforted him and got him calmer #and that kiddo is like My child at this point haha i adore him and he says all the time that i'm his favorite counselor #but huge point of it... two full years later... he will still tell Other people that i am his favorite counselor 'because i helped him'#when he was first starting camps. makes a specific point to say it. multiple other counselors have told me that he's said that to them.#so like... man... kids remember.... they really do...#ten thousand little reasons for my little guy to enjoy hanging out with me during summer camps/after school programs #but he specifically remembers that i was someone who took the time to care about him... heartwrenching. every time #anyway #valentine notes

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