#if we could have lived alone i wouldnt have been so angry

[clits-and-clips]

Its annoying cause none of the work seems worth it without him like why get better anyway im not living my life with my best friend anymore so why bother

[holmsister]

Why I think Kabru was the first child Milsiril took in:

1) it coincided with the Utaya catastrophe and her leaving the Canaries. If she was already in the habit of taking kids in, Idk if she would have been able to still be in the Canaries.

2) it also makes more sense to me in terms of character motivation if leaving the Canaries and taking Kabru in is all one decision. Like. Young Milsiril doesn't seen particularly motherly. Think of how she treats Mithrun - she gives him motivation to live, yes, but she does so by inciting him towards revenge. (This happens BEFORE she takes Kabru in btw im pretty sure its explicitly stated somewhere. I say this because i saw some confusion on the matter). An older, less angry, more disillusioned Milsiril saw what the elves did in Utaya and decided to both stop being an accomplice and try to repair things how she could by helping a victim.

3) ...which also explains why she was so unprepared. Like there's no way around it - it's clear that she is incredibly unprepared to deal with a tallman child, let alone one who is as incredibly traumatised as Kabru was. She also seems to not have a clear idea about tallman growth and maturity rates etc. (She tries to spoonfeed an elementary age kid and thinks Kabru is going thru puberty at 22!) If she had previous experience with short-lived races she would have a clearer idea of such things, if nothing else, thru mere experience. Her lack of knowledge makes a lot more sense if taking Kabru in was an impulsive decision maturated in the context of Utaya, and only after she spent some years with him she was like. Oh actually I like taking care of children. I might want to keep doing it.

4) I know there's the Rin comic in which the other elves seem to imply Milsiril is the go-to for dealing with short-lived races children and also she says she doesn't have space to take anyone else in, but it's possible she started taking in more kids in after she felt like she got her footing with kabru (iirc kabru had already been living with her for a couple years at that point) or, what I'm tending towards, she meant that she couldn't take anyone else *besides Kabru*. Considering the other elves treat Rin as some sort of little wild animal l don't think it would take much for them to consider someone an expert in handling children.

5) there's never any mention of other kids besides Rin in Kabru's memory. It seems weird to me if he spent so much time in the house with those other kids he does not talk/remember them, especially considering how curious and sociable baby kabru was. It might be a facet of elven childcare we don't know, but we see elven families being reasonable sociable in canon at times, i don't see why Kabru wouldnt be allowed to befriend the other kids if they were there.

6) milsiril seemingly dedicates a lot of time to him and only him. This can be explained simply by noting that this is Kabru's memory tho. But still. She keeps track of him in adulthood, has him fully adopted into his family, dedicates personal time to his education and training, and even teaches him some coping mechanisms for his panic and anxiety attacks, like the whole "recite capitals of the world" thing.

I think that Kabru was the first kid she took in, he lived alone with her for a very long time, and only after he was with one foot out of the door (14-16) she started taking in other children, which would be at that point too young to be interesting as friends to a teenager Kabru looking forward to either becoming a Canary or moving out.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for not wanting my fiancé to hang out with my sister and I?

Okay so my fiancé (22f) offered to drive to Mexico with her aunt and stay a couple days. It was only three days notice and she hadn't discussed it with me(24f) at all. I do think she should go, she's been wanting a vacation lately and been really upset because I can't afford to go anywhere. It's a good opportunity to get vacation and family time. I was really happy for her. I just feel like it's basic politeness to at least let me know before she gave a definitive yes since we live together so I was slightly annoyed.

Fast forward two days and it seemed like that plan wasn't going to work out because her aunt wanted to postpone, so instead she decided to go out of town with her brother (18) since she had gotten her hopes up about a vacation, which again sounded like a good idea. In the meantime I'd set up a sleepover with my sister that same weekend.

Without even mentioning the situation to me, my fiancé posted on snapchat asking if a third person wanted to go with them to keep the costs down, which would be fine if she hadn't posted it to her story. Its okay if someone else goes but maybe asking in a groupchat or a few people individually but not absolutely everyone.

So of course her ex (who she has readily admitted shes left multiple people for) asked to go. It isn't her fault that her ex is the only one who offered but also that's part of the reason why I would have asked her to ask more directly than every single person she has on snapchat.

She asked me if I was comfortable with that which was nice, and I said not really because of the nature of their relationship. The only times we've hung out, my fiancé ended up being super cold and hostile to me and laughing her ass off at inside jokes with her. I get that they have a history and I don't expect her to pretend they dont, but it just makes me uncomfortable when we're all together because I feel like a third wheel to the person I'm engaged to and her ex girlfriend.

She got upset and said I was being unfair and ruining her weekend. I told her it was fine if she could find literally anyone else and that frankly it was inappropriate for her ex to even ask. She got argumentative about how she's been hanging out with her ex for years because they have mutual friends (which is fair except the mutual friends are not invited) and that her ex didnt even know I wouldnt be there. The argument lasted another two days. She kept saying that I am being too controlling, which I dont think is fair because if she didnt care about my feelings then why ask about them. I just gave up and said it was fine. I'd be having fun with my sister anyway so I wouldn't spend the whole time worrying, and I trust her not to cheat on me I just think it's a weird situation and it makes me uncomfortable, which is what she asked.

As soon as I said yes she told me it was too late to book an airbnb so she wasn't going to go, and that really upset me because she'd been so angry about me being uncomfortable that she wouldn't leave me alone for days and what was even the point of all that if she wasn't going to go anyway and she already decided that.

During the past 4 days until canceling suddenly like that, she was 100% supposed to be going out of town to somewhere, and I had gotten really excited about my sleepover with my sister. We were going to do things that my fiancé does not enjoy (arts and crafts, watching period movies) since it would be just us and also have some much needed sister time.

All of a sudden, the next day, my fiancé asked if she could come over too since she wasn't going anywhere. I said "I guess, but we were going to do stuff that you wouldn't like." And she got mad and told me I was being super rude and I could have been nice about it, which I thought I had been and I told her I feel like if she came either she wouldn't have fun or we wouldn't get to do the stuff that we were planning to. She was still angry all night and kept saying she obviously didn't want to come now since she wasn't welcome. I barely slept because she was so clearly upset with me and I didn't see any way to fix things without ruining my night with my sister.

The day before the sleepover she kept hinting that she wanted me to invite her and I really didn't want to. Maybe before all this stuff but I am really annoyed with all of this and I don't want he to butt in on my sisters night.

I think she's been inconsiderate and mean to me over this whole thing. I just don't get her thought process with any of it. But she seems really sad and that does make me think maybe I'm being the asshole here.

So AITA for not wanting my fiancé to hang out with my sister and I?

What are these acronyms?

[dailyblorboposting]

IM BACK GANG!! been working on this for a few days and didnt wanna post it during the strike

@ectobio made some sprites the other day of if jade and rose's god tier outfits matched their colors schemes, and then @gay-frog-search-history asked about the beta kids.... so voila! my personal designs for the characters in their Color-matched God Tiers

and their regular god tiers below the cut :3 (also I did switch Jade from Mind to Life, because the Mind colors fit Jane a bit better, hope that's ok)

im really happy with how these turned out

also june egbert wins forever

have some thoughts on these:

Jade as Witch of Life is pretty fine I think... No Space Player basically guarantees a failed game but we dont worry about the actual mechanics of the game this is just for funsies. besides, life should be able to find a frog anyways, frogs are living!

Rose Seer of Rage is actually so interesting to me. Light relates to her motifs a lot, but I can brute force some rage symbolism relatively easily. She is very angry inside, her whole "destroying her session" showed that... inch resting...

Jane Maid of Mind mightve kept a lot of the dramatic pre-retcon shit from happening- she'd be "meant" to keep her friends minds taken care of, she probably couldve prevented lots of relationship issues with this. But Brain Ghost Dirk likely wouldnt exist lol.

Dirk Prince of Light is very similar to Eridan Prince of Hope. And i got confused in the comments of the og post leave me alone theyre both yellow. But still, Light is basically Fortune. Lack of Fortune? Too Much Fortune? VERY fun to think about!!!

Roxy Rogue of Heart! That's Nepeta's! Her role in the group already fits a Heart player well (though maybe a Blood player better) but she would gain a lot more individuality and agency that I think she could benefit from as a character. Void players have it rough :pensive:

Jake Page of Doom is pretty based actually. Page is one of the most powerful classes iirc and Hope and Doom are opposites so, functionally he'd be very similar. Again, Brain Ghost Dirk wouldn't exist but maybe there'd be a doomed timeline Dirk to take his place...

Anyway that's all! Normal daily posting begins again btw!!

[sucker4sixx]

20 minutes in hell

Recycled from 2023!

Plot: halloween party fun!

Warnings: smut/closet sex/protection/public sex

The time was 8pm when you entered vinces halloween house party, the stink of men and cigarettes danced around the house like it had made its self quite comfortable. You open the front door to see many girls in mini skirts and crop tops strutting around probably trying to be sexy mince or something.

You where begged by a mutual friend ehren to come so he would have someone to talk to, you and ehren where best buddys and he always enjoyed having you around. You werent so close to vince and you definitely didnt like his friend, nikki sixx. Something about him annoyed you, low hygene, loud voice, a "im a sleaze" personality and many more could be the reason but even just seeing him boiled your blood.

You wore a black lacy dress and a cheap witch hat with a little bit of makeup.

You weaved yourself through the croud into the living room where vince the.. whatever he is and ehren the zombie where sitting, vince didnt look to intrested in the conversation, he was too busy looking down the girl who sat on the floors cleavage. "Hey ehren" you tap his sholder, the goofy looking boy turned around smiling brightly "hey your here finally!" You took a seat "hey vince!" He turned round fast at the mention of his name, not seeing you arrive "oh hey yn! Take a seat sure!" he said smiling at you, he turned round to check more girls out.

Ehren unwrapped a 8 pack of beer he had waiting in a bag at his legs and you shared them talking about any stuff you could. Soon enough "hey sixx! Come sit down. Where have you been?" You smelt his arrival before he had even walked in the door, ehren saw your face sour and sighed knowing it had killed your mood. Nikki dressed as satan glanced at you and turned to vince "what the fuck is the scottish prick doing here?" He tried to whisper but he said it loud enough for you to hear "fuck you maybe learn some basic hygiene then we can talk" he darted you a look and stuck the middle finger up "pathetic" you mouth at him. You both turn around and start talking to your friends again "what is it with you two?" Ehren said cracking another can of beer "he thinks hes better because he's famous well he can go suck a fat fucking cock im telling you man" ehren spits out his beer laughing "wouldnt be his first time" he adds making you laugh more.

After you guys finished your 4 cans each ehren headed to the toilet (meaning he will be away for while checking out the house) and you went to the kitchen to get more drink.

After 20 Scuse me's and sorry can i get buys you finally arrived in the kitchen, not too busy but definitely wasnt empty. You opened the fridge to look for more alcohol "whats the deal? You hate me so much that your following me around now?" You head shoots up and you turn round to see the tall black haired man looking down at you with a can of beer in his hand "what the fuck? No im getting drink?" He rolls his eyes "yeah sure. Ive heard that one before" your face went red from anger and embarrassment

"im not fucking following you the only thing following you is the trail of flys and stench" nikki scoffs "i dont smell that bad" you turn round to grab a can of beer from the fridge and notice him smelling himself when you turn back around "now arse whole get out my way and let me back into the living room" he gets visibly more angry "i dont fucking smell bad" his grip tightens on his beer can "whatever makes you sleep at night now let me past" he doesnt budge so you push him making him stumble backwards and head back to the living room.

You sit on the couch alone waiting for ehren to come back. 20 minutes. 30 minutes. 40 minutes where the fuck is he. You find vinces home phone and call him, he picks up after a few seconds

"Hello?"

"Ehren where the fuck are you?"

"I umm..."

you hear a girl giggle in the backround and snap your phone shut, prick. Oh well lets 'mingle'? You get up from your seat and walk around the rooms, none of the men catching your eyes since they all looked the same.

You open the basement door and hear tommys distinct laugh, you got exited and sprinted down the stairs "tommy!" He was resting on the couch dressed as a cowboy and sat up when he saw you, smiling wide "hey darlin!" He got up and gave you a hug

"howve you been?" He looked down at you walking over to the couch "pretty good, yourself?" The slinky man flopped down onto the couch "pretty good!" A fake cough sounded from the couch opposite, nikki. "As i was saying before i was very rudely interrupted" he gave you a harsh look and you found a seat next to tommy. Vince, nikki and a two of their stoner friends where sitting on the couch opposite from you and you sat on a couch with tommy and mick (dressed as a vampire). You forced yourself to listen to nikki talking about some girl that tried it on with him, picking at your nails in boredom.

The room went silent and the feeling of all the boys thinking of something to say filled the air "how about, we play spin the bottle?" Tommy said, all your heads turning go him "i mean we will need a few more ladys but sure!" Nikki said enthusiastically. "ill go get some" vince stood up, walking out to the party.

Nikki chugs the beer bottle he was holding since everyone else had cans, he put it down and you all sat round in a circle waiting for vince to return. "Man im so exited" tommy said breaking the silence, you looked up at nikki panicking at the thought you could get him, he caught your eye "stop drooling over me" this made the boys turn to you noticing your face go red

"was just looking at your fly buddies" mick laughs alot at this one, when mick laughs you know its good. Vince returned with the 4 sluttiest looking girls he could find, more beer and slash, he loved to party with the band "found this douche wandering around upstairs!" Slash waves at you all and heads over to nikki to sit "hey dude!" Nikki smiles at him. After we all settled round a circle you were sat next to slash and mick, nikki and vince sitting straight across from you and the other girls scattered inbetween the rest.

Round one- mick and vince, a quick peck and alot of laughter after

Round two- tommg and girl number 1, she blushed but he gave her a light hearted smile back

Round three- you and girl number 4, the boys got exited but you werent giving them what they wanted so you gave the girl a quick kiss.

"Ugh this is boring" vince complained and everyone nodded "how about seven minutes in heaven but heres the twist here me out ive been thinking of it for awhile you all looked at vince equally as contused, nothing that came out his mouth was predictable "so the men switch clothes like we throw them in a pile cover our eyes and just wear what we lift and the girls go shove on my clothes, i have a bunch of old halloween masks and we play the game in silence" you all went silent thinking of his stupid idea, not so stupid to be honest. "Im in" you say and everyone started agreeing "okay so the masks are down here ill get them out and leave four at the door, girls go get changed"

You trailed behind the rest of the girls up to vinces room noticing the party was dying at the absence of the boys. You walked into the room and the stink off aftershave lingered in the air, grabbing a pair of baggy black joggers and a baggy black shirt that was crumpled. You entered his bathroom that connected to his room to get changed and shoved on your outfit as quick as possible to get out of the akward situation, you put on the shirt and it read "i love vince neil" now you look like a slut for him. Great.

You left without the girls and headed to the basement door where you could hear fumbling but no words, looks like the boys where taking this seriously. You waited till the noise of clothes getting shoved on stopped and opened the door to see four rubber halloween masks, bunny, gorilla, bird and a cat. You grabbed the cat mask shoving it on fast, the faint smell of smoke from the inside combing through your nostrils, you walked down the stairs greeted by a dog, horse, another bird, another cat, mouse and a zombie. When the girls came down you all silently sat in a circle and one of the girls span the bottle fast, leaving it spinning for some time. It landed on the other cat and he span the bottle again just as fast, you watched the bottle go round and round and round almost becoming hypnotised. It slowed down and your breath caught your throat as it landed on you

"WHY ME" you screamed in your head standing up slowly with the cat who sat only two people away.

He took your hand gently and led you to the closet in the extension room in the basement. You entered the pich black closet and stumbled over a few shoes as your hands found the mans shoulders, he was tall and quite wide built. You both took off your masks still unable to see eachothers faces, the mystery man grabbed your face and started kissing you roughly it scared you at the beginning but you realised he really knew what he was doing so let him beat up your mouth with his own. As you started making out it became more clear who it was, tall, built and smells nice. Its slash. You didnt mind this, slash is hot so you continued, smiling lightly. He removed his shirt and started slipping off yours, you gasped softly not sure if this was the original plan but you never got bitches so once again let it happen. Slash started feeling your breasts through your lacy bra making you whimper softly and tangle your hand in his long hair, he slowly unclipped your bra and started licking your nipple and playing with the other in his hand. Your moans become louder as he speeds up, stopping to unzip his jeans and you sigh at the loss of contact. The tall man finds his way onto the ground, his jeans and pants removed. You take off your joggies and pants, not sure if you wanted to do it with slash since he might have multiple stds but before you could think of your next plan he got out a condom, you could only tell it was one from the small light that reflected off it. He whimpered softly as he slipped on the condom as you sat on his legs watching him, taking in this weird moment. Your about to have closet sex with slash hudson.

Slash gently moves you onto your back and taps your thigh for consent to eat you out, you hummed a permission and he went straight for it. His tongue darting between your folds and your clit, your back arching at the sudden movements. He pulled your legs closer to him and started going faster, sticking his tongue inside occasionally as you moaned loud grabbing his hair. He brought his finger in and started circling your clit while licking your entrance, his other hands holding your wrists together to get some sort of control. Your moans became uncontrollable and desperate as you met your high, he noticed and continued what he was doing with intent to let you finish first. A minute later you where a moaning mess, cumming into his mouth. Hes an expert at this shit. You sat up and he lifted you onto his lap, his hard dick resting against your stomach as he moved his hand over your forehead to clean it of sweat.

You moved your hand down and started feeling his covered tip and he rested his head against your sholder, his dick was really hard. You started pumping him slowly at the base before lifting yourself up, letting your pussy hover over his dick to tease him and to ask him for consent. He moved his dick to where your entrance is and grabbed your hips pushing you down harshly "oh fuck" you both moaned out, you paused hearing a voice that didnt belong to slash and he paused too clearly hearing your accent. "Y/n?" the voice said cowardly

"NIKKI?"

You shrieked, trying to get up. He held your hips down, his hard dick still inside you "cmon its only fair you finish me off since i made you such a riot" you stuttered and froze looking down at where the sleazy idiots voice sounded. He didnt sound so harsh and as much as you hated to admit it you where enjoying youself so you did as he asked, bouncing softly building up a pace. Feeling slightly turned on by the fact your fucking the guy you hate the most. He let out small whimpers and groans and you grinded against him moaning yourself "your so good when your mouths shut" he moaned out "shut up prick" you kissed his jaw line and continued grinding on him feeling yourself approaching your second orgasm.

He turned on the closet light that hung from a string next to him. You felt exposed but you where fascinated by him, his face red and stray hairs sticking to his forehead "fuck you look amazing" he said smiling and tilting his head back further. He grabbed your hips and started fucking into you relentlessly as you practically screamed in pleasure, resting your head on his sholder. "Nikki im so close" saying his name felt like needles in your mouth and he rested his head on your sholder slowing down "for someone who hates me so much you are really liking this huh?" Your face went somehow more red as he stopped still inside you, angry at him for ruining your orgasm "what the fuck are you doing!" you puzzled

"edging you? What does it look like?" You brows furrowed "fine let me go ill go finish myself off somewhere else with someone else" you tried to move your hips off him but he only held them tighter holding you down, the tip of his dick brushing your cervix "no. Im finishing" he sounded more angry but it just turned you on more, he slowly pulled out a little and thrusted back in, doing tiny fast thrusts staring right into your eyes.

Sweat rolled down his face and his green eyes became wider as you finished, your pussy throbbing around his dick. Before he could moan you attached your lips to his, kissing as he moaned into your mouth "fuck fuck im really close" he whimpered, still thrusting into you. He grabbed your hips and started fucking into you as hard as he could like you werent even there, you where his own little toy. He muttered stuff like "fuck you feel amazing" and "holy shit" as he came into the condom, his body softly pulsing as he rested on your sholder, panting for air.

After two minutes of resting against eachother naked you stood up slowly, in pain, seeing the white balloon that covered his dick. He rested his head back and you took the condom off him carefully being careful not to spill any cum on him, his head darted up at your sudden kindness. You just dumped the used condom in the bin that sat in the corner, you sat next to him, both of you still naked "so um, you got any tissues? Im dripping down here man" he laughed and picked up the 'i love vince neil' shirt, wiping you clean "thanks nikki" you said shyly "hey its alright, thanks too" you both looked down at your legs. Two minutes later you started shoving on clothes again, nikki giving you his clean shirt to wear and you just shoved back on the joggies leaving him shirtless.

You exited the closet to see a whole group of people sitting around. Shit. You both forgot it was seven minutes in heven not 20 minutes in hell. The croud went silent as they saw you "holy fucking shit" tommy said breaking the silence "that sounded hot, when is it my turn?"

[fairielux]

here is another one:

bad omens - Like a villain mirrors xie lian ( xl) and jun wu's (jw) relationship throughout the story perfectly

a lyrical character analysis

⚠️this is your obligatory SPOILER warning⚠️

Look into my face, then look again/ We are not the same, we're different/ To tell your tales and fables, you couldn't wait - when we learn jun wu's true identity as the crown prince of wuyoung, we also learn that he specifically took interest in xie lian because he thought xl is the same as him. so jw paid close attention to xl, ascended him extremely early and sort of took him under his wing after, (telling his experiences and personal ideations to the young martial god)

You need a new clean slate without the dents/ A place to put your pain, your consequence/ When you look into the mirror, are you even there? - jw wiped his identity as the crown prince of wuyoung from existence with the previous heavenly dynasty. he needed to make sure no one was left alive who knew him as the failed young martial god. this way he could have complete control over all of heavens without living in the fear of being exposed. he also proceeded to escape from the long term consequences of his actions this way.

*I don't wanna know all your secrets 'cause I'll tell/ It's hard enough being alone with myself/ I don't know how long I'll be holding on - white no face pursuit of xie lian. wnf chose to be xl's living breathing tormentor when he was at his most vulnerable, while jw posed as a safe haven for xl, someone who swore to understand the young martial god. in reality jw was just playing with xl, attempting to find a grip on him to reshape him in jw's own image. he knew this was necessary, because if xl knew his true identity and his past he would have told heavens and humans alike

I know you tried your hardest, I know that you meant well/ But you pushed me to the edge and I slipped, and then I fell/ I don't know how long I'll be holding on - this bit is xl talking to jw after the confrontation. because he always sees the best in everyone, he wholeheartedly believes jw wanted to help him at first but cannot and will not forgive his tormentor for what hes done to him, for basically making people look down on him in those 800 years, for forcing his hands every step. its also a reflection of jw's effort to save his own kingdom, that has gone extremely wrong*

So write a brand-new page, then write again/ I know your act is staged yet you pretend /All while you're turning tables with missing legs - it was easy to see through all the scheming jw has done throught the time he's been sitting on the throne, he didnt cover his tracks as well as he thought he did. there were people alive who knew who he was and what he's done in his past after all.

I think you've overstayed your welcome in/ So go the fuck away, don't come again/ I'll see your face in the fire and burn it out - his punishment has come, and i think this is the closest we get to xl being truly and really angry. though i feel like it has more to do with him grieving the person he thought jw was, the time he never got to have because of jw (and wnf) and the loss of his loved ones and people.

**

Like a villain, I couldn't be/ I didn't need it, it needed me/ Like a villain, I couldn't be/ I didn't need it, it needed me

I didn't need it, it needed me

- i think jw and xl are polar opposites. jw is the villain that xl never turned into, jw is the wrath and pain xl never allowed to act with, jw is the embodiment of grief for xl. because in the end, xl never truly needed jw, but jw needed xl so badly that he turned xl into the catalyst of his downfall.

**

I didn't need it, it needed me

i know a lot of ppl (including me) say, that if one character deserved the chance to be a villain, to have his revenge for all the pain and trauma he's been put through it's xie lian. the fact that he never went down that road and wouldnt let the pain inflicted on him change him at his core is truly admirable. i adore him as a person, as a god, and as a character because he is undoubtedly the hope of humanity in his own world, and an example to learn from in ours.

[hanafubukki]

hana, correct me if this is wrong but i just rewatch the final parts of the update and it seems that Lilias dream is still ongoing. ???

The memories played before Silver was due to the ring's magic rather than Lilia's dream itself. (Like It shone when he was swallowed by the darkness right???)(my memory is fuzzy on how this started so feel free to correct me 😂😂)

I'm thinking this because I held the assumption that "Lilia didn't change anything about his dreamworld" like "he wouldve like to meet Silver and embrace the change even if it led to the loss of his first family" but even after this update—which i had high hopes that'll reveal the purpose of Lilia's dream— we still didnt get it.

Malenoa sacrificed herself, thats what we know in reality. But we saw how Lilia was forced to flee before she could die, and the last moment of this update, we're still in that bridge where we got seperated from Lilia and Baul bcs we have to take care of the blot swallowing Silver---

SO We are still on the run and and---maybe that means that the theory that Lilia wishes Levan and Malenoa were alive thats why he's having this dream still stands???

Like When he finally reaches Black Scale Castle with the egg, Meleanor shouldve arrived later as well.

Im still holding onto this because man,,,, i want more pain 😂😂😂✊✊

also this "alternate reality" is also beneficial for Silver. We know that Lilia is aware that Silver gets hurt knowing hes causing Lilia pain or him realizing that Lilia "is not his family." So maybe if this human child shouldve grown up with his original family, he wouldnt have to be suffering under him whos "incapable of love."

Maybe in the case where Meleanor is alive, the Silver Owls retreat, (maybe their ill king got cured and they stop chasing after Princess Glow lol) the wars stopped between nations then Baby Silver wouldnt have been alone waiting for someone to take care of him if his parents were there, he couldve lived a normal and happy life as the crown prince. If you consider that his original life, "its much better than Lilia could offer", didnt he also say that he shouldnt hesitate to search for his original parents?? What if this is what he meant and wish for as well???

That if only there was a world where there is no war, then Meleanor couldve lived, Levan would be found, Malleus wouldnt be alone, and Silver wouldnt torment himself from the sins of his ancestors.

Hello Lian 🌺🌷💚

Yep, we are still in Lilia’s dream still and something about how Lilia and Baul are being chased so they are going to hurry after them. I feel like next update will have Lilia waking up now that Silver has accepted himself.

Yessss!! The ring shines and omg I have thoughts and feelings on it because some said that is silvers bio dad guiding him and I’m so soft abhhh

Honestly, I think Lilia’s dreams means that despite the sacrifices and everything he went through. He was happy to have the connections and what led him to his family. He ended up with malleus and eventually with silver because of these circumstances. He also saw what kind of man the knight of dawn was too.

I am curious though, why it’s not exactly as “happy” as we assumed it would be. So I definitely see your point!! It also seems that lilia is somewhat aware?? That it’s a dream?? Because silver heard lilia was calling out to him. So I wonder maybe if lilia is somehow controlling the dream

I imagine the queen had similar powers to malleus?? And maybe we will see her UM?? And that will give a clue??

Andkdkdjsbw Lian did you have to hurt me this way?? I wonder if lilia knowing that silver is there…maybe he also wants silver to know his birth parents loved him??

I feel like if lilia believes that he didn’t provide enough for silver…I feel like silver is going to finally break and angry yell at him for such thoughts. Because doesn’t father know?? How much he’s loved??

My worry is malleus not knowing any of this. And him watching and his reaction to it all. He loves his family so much so if this is the first time he heard…then I can’t imagine the chaos of emotions he has.

[selastheblue]

Case of the Curious Cobbler

Previous Masterpost [Next]Soon...

Case of the Curious Cobbler

"So this one ain't mine, its an oldie been passed 'round the colonies since long before me." Buckle began, as he took in the little faces looking up at him as he sat on a large red pincushion designed to look like a fat ripe tomato.

"But its an important one. One on why we don't get seen by beans. Long time ago there was a colony called Bootboard, was built into the floor of an old bean cobbler shop. Shoe makin'" he added after the word 'cobbler' got him some confused expressions from the youngsters.

"Bootboard borrowers were good folk, and like a borrower ought ta be, helpful to their fellows. They saw the ole bean cobbler had promised more then he could make, and took it upon themselves to lend a hand ya see. By mornin' they had a whole set up and finished for 'im."

"Bean was excited as a mouse ta cheese. Curious too, and set out another pair he knew he wouldnt get finished before they were promised. An' good kind as the Bootboard boys were they saw to that set too."

"This went on for a long while, until one night the bean managed to sneak a peek. He saw the borrowers at work an' like beans always are had a greedy, greasy thought. If he captured the borrowers, he could have em work for him all the time, day an' night. Make himself rich." Buckle scowled, "The bean managed to catch three of them, and popped em into jars where he kept em till it was workin' time."

Here the kids looked to their caretakers for reassurance, and ole Omelette narrowed her eyes at Buckle.

Buckle wanted them to know never to trust a bean, to know they were greedy selfish things. But he also didn't really want to give the litters nightmares, rearers had enough on their plates as it was.

"Had em there for a few days, workin, sleepin. All alone in jars. But one night while the bean slept did their colony come for them, freeing them before they all made a muck of his shop."

"Leather torn to unusable bits. Nails bent, threads tangled. Even the tools they either took apart or dulled and dented. Bean was devastated, angry and a thunderstorm went on a rampage ta try an' find em. Never did. But each night the place started fallin' apart. Boards loosened, siding falling off, even a part of tha roof flew off in a storm."

"Eventually he left an never came back. An' the colony lived in peace from the curious cobbler bean."

There was a silence before one hand he always expected to see rose up, "Why don't we do that here? Get the inn all to ourselves by breaking it until they don't want it anymore?"

Buckle shook his head, "We need em. Fresh food right handy, warm rooms for the winter. And beans don't always just go an' leave it all behind either. Sometimes they break things down instead. Or worse. They get curious an' start lookin' for us. Better to take just what we need, and keep out of their way."

Another hand shot up, "Are there no good beans?" It was quiet tiny Quill, always curious about the world beyond the colony. Not a healthy curiosity for a borrower.

"None I ever seen. Some are nice enough to each other. Most are greedy and selfish. But it only takes one bad one to lose a whole colony."

Previous Masterpost [Next]Soon...

[acewitch-writes]

i dont think remus can be solely blamed for not believing in sirius blindly tho. that doesnt mean that sirius cant be angry, but like, the entirety of the wizarding world was convinced sirius did it both because there were witnesses that heard peter scream how sirius was to blame for james and lily's death, then saw him sirius "kill him", and sirius was driven mad with grief and practically confessing when they arrested him. that doesnt mean it wouldnt be interesting to explore that while recognizing remus' flaws (there's a lot of fics doing that), but like. it's not so black and white. was remus supposed to suspect peter, his other bff and the new martyr? and given that sirius also suspected him, so we can probably infer there was even more going on that we dont know about. idk i think it's more interesting when both characters are both right and wrong at the same time (while holding both accountable AND giving them their rightful moments of anger, ofc, i hate one-sided shit lmao)

I agree! I will defend Remus to my dying breath. There's definitely a LOT more nuance than "Remus should have trusted Sirius."

Remus never had malicious intentions with anything he ever did. When he distanced himself from the Marauders during the war, he had orders from Dumbledore to stay quiet about his secret missions. And I know we all hate Dumbles around here, but Remus respected and revered him and was terrified of disappointing him. So obviously he went along with it.

So now Sirius is starting to suspect him because Remus can never explain his whereabouts. They're fresh out of school, living in a world that hates werewolves and Remus is already struggling enough that James has to support him financially. There's so much story to explore during this short period of time, themes of prejudice and class divisions and discrimination. It makes sense that Sirius would consider the possibility that Remus could be lead astray when the "bad guys" were promising to make life better for werewolves while Remus was fighting for the "good" side that made no such promises.

So no, we can't place all the blame on Remus. He was a kid, too, thrown into a war immediately after school. He knew that he was the only werewolf on the Order's side, and the weight of that must have been overwhelming for REMUS, the coward with a predisposition for running away from his problems (a trait of his that Sirius was probably well aware of, further cementing his belief that Remus could be the traitor).

Remus believing that Sirius could have betrayed James is one thing I really struggle to get my mind around. I like to imagine that some part of him doubted his guilt, but as a werewolf living alone in a society that hates werewolves, recently bereaved of every person he had ever loved, I don't think there was anything Remus could have done even if he was in the right state of mind to do it. Especially not when Dumbledore, the man Remus looked up to the most and the one he would be most likely to address these doubts with, also seemed convinced of Sirius' guilt.

The way the fandom tries to blame one or the other (these days, usually Sirius) for what happened to James and Lily is frustrating. They are both very flawed characters, and they both have things they need to answer for.

I hope this is coherent. I feel like I just rambled in circles.

[feral-cockroach]

MASSIVE TW FOR SELF HARM

ive been clean for almost a full year. maybe just over at this point, i dont know. but all (and i mean ALL) of my scars were fully healed and some were even fading into those little white lines that are barely visible on your skin.

and i relapsed tonight. ive been fighting it for weeks now but realistically i knew it was going to happen eventually. i feel so, so hopeless. nothing is working out and i cannot convince myself that things will improve. its a feat to just talk myself out of suicide every morning at this point.

im so fucking sick of everything. i mean honestly what is the point? im barely making rent, im going to lose my home in october of next year, ive got no car, no license, i can't afford groceries most of the time with absolutely no help from anyone around me. im scared. im tired and im alone.

i havent self harmed in a year or over and the worst of it was 3 years ago. except im getting back to that point i was at 3 years ago and i cant afford institutionalisation again. even if i could i dont want to go back. they held me for a week and then gave me a caretaker and then took away my caretaker when i turned 18 and then when i found myself a new therapist they completely cancelled my insurance with no warning and then denied me when i tried to reapply. ive been without insurance for a year in march.

im fucking terrified and i hate it here and i cannot do this shit much longer. i just cant. i dont know how much more fear and paranoia and justified upset one guy can fucking take !!!!

i just wish my father hadnt stalked and coerced my mom and i wish my moms mom wasnt such a pro life piece of shit and i wish my mom hadnt developed such an attachment to her abuser to convince herself that having a child was a good idea and i ESPECIALLY wish that my mom hadnt completely discarded me when we left my father and then immediately started dating new men every fucking week my whole life ive never known her to be single

and i love my mom !!!! but my mom does NOT love herself !!!!! and my mom HAS TO HAVE validation from men !!!!! and ive spent the past FOUR YEARS trying to have a relationship with her and she wants absolutely nothing to do with me and it SUCKS !!!!

it sucks so fuckinf much that EVERY SINFLE PERSON involved in bringing me into this SHITHOLE wants NOTHING TO DO WITH ME because i didnt end up how THEY WANTED ME because GOD FORBID I BE FUCKINF TRAUMATISED BY WHAT THEY ALL PUT ME THROUGH.

and im so , so angry. and scared. im so scared. im not sure when im going to kms but honestly, if i look to the future, thats all i see. thats all i have ever seen since i was 12 years old when i first self harmed. thats almost an entire decade of self harm. and i was convinced i wouldnt hit 16 or 18 or 21 and im about to hit 21 and every year it was "if i make it to [16/18/21] i wont make it to 30" and here i am at 21 and you know what

i wont. i dont think im going to make it to 30. by my own hand or my fathers or capitalisms i dojt fucking know but i will not live to see 30. i am certain

and it is the only thing i have ever been certain about my entire life.

[artemisbarnowl]

When you're not staying up past your bedtime tell us your thoughts about checking up on people via social media!

Thank you for indulging me this long weekend why would you do this

Warning I'm gonna be pathetic because i am still grieving a nine year relationship and grieving, especially in this context, feels so UNDIGNIFIED. Also its my grieving thoughts about the socials thing not like well srticulated thoughts about the socials with some grieving mixed in. I just have a lot of feelings and i need to get them out.

1. Like, ultimately don't. Its not helpful at all i think. Unless if literally is just idle curiosity about what happened to someone in your class from ten years ago and you actually dont care what you find.

2. I am experiencing the urge to check up on my ex CONSTANTLY. (They do not really use social media this doesnt amount to much btw). I understand why people be lurking on someones insta or whatever to see what theyve been up to. Sometimes you hope theyre failing and miserable because they did you wrong and you want to feel validated. In my particular case i am worried, and i miss them. There are no posts for me to see or wonder about so this is useless but i think i also want to see that my ex is sad (because i was important to him for such a long time) but also, not like, too sad. And I'm fantasising about him sort of DOing something about it. I want to see what he's up to. Is is dancing? Is he injured? Is he Making? Is he finding small joys in life like hanging out with friends or seeing a cute creature on a walk? Seeing posts about these things would not help me! Because i would likely assume he was not sad, then i would feel angry and bitter and disappointed in myself for wasting my time. We dont share when we are sad (or why) on socials. I am NEVER going to see a post that effectively says "my smart and beautiful and extraordinary girlfriend of 9 years left me, and I am sad i couldn't be what she needed. I miss her a lot and wish i could have showed her this garden i saw today, she would have loved it. I will never forget her and dont know how to be okay with this". No one is going to see that. But ultimately i think we check up on people because what we want to see is some variation of that, so we can feel validated and know that they UNDERSTAND how were feeling.

Because this is tumblr I have made stupid posts a bit like this! I miss him all the time, i made a facebook post about a doco that I watched in the hopes that he would see it and watch it, because i think he'd like all the adorable english woodland creatures. This is also stupid! As are posts showing how well youre doing in hopes ypur ex seems them and feels stupid. Devoting this much energy to a game in your head where you will never get an outcome that satisfies you cannot help you move on or heal. But i do think its weird that we look for any possible thread that tied us to people we are without, even the terrible online ones that can never retie us! We talk to gravestones like the dead can hear us. I am currently checking my mailbox every day for a letter that might not ever arrive, and even if it does it sure and shit wont contain any information that helps me live my new single life where no one thinks I'm special, and there's no one I'm 100% comfortable to be all of myself around and who I dont get tired of being with.

I will never know if he saw the fb post, let alone watched and had opinions on the doco I talked about. Knowing wont help. He knew i have a tumblr but i dont think he'd go through it as its a huge pile of memes and stuff he wouldnt understand to look for 3 things that say im sad. And again, knowing I'm sad won't help.

Normally im very good at being like "well this is unproductive/not the best course of action" and then, you know, STOPPING but unfortunately I will continue to wonder how he is and what hes up to and cling to actually unreasonable, unfounded fantasies of what happens IF he sees.

Anyway this is a long vent that basically says i think i get why people do it now but ultimately it will never bring the carthsis we hope for (:

He knew i had a tumblr but I dont think he's checking up on me coz. Whats the point. Its a lot of stupid memes for 3 im sad posts. Which accomplish nothing as discussed.

[creacherkeeper]

Spice for the autumnal asks, because I miss hearing about your haunted/cursed house experiences!

ohohoho thank you juliette <333

spice - have you ever encountered a house that you believed to be haunted?

(general spooky cw's apply here but i'll put more specific ones if needed)

so i lived in two haunted houses growing up. and when i say haunted houses i mean legit 100% definitely haunted to the degree of i would absolutely not believe in ghosts otherwise but i would be so stupid and willfully obtuse to not believe in ghosts after living in these houses. like other people have been ghost deniers and then i tell them all the stories of my extremely haunted family and they're like "i both believe in and am afraid of ghosts now"

so some background

my moms side of the family is Very haunted. lots of people in their family have had Experiences but the ones ive heard the most about have been from my mom and her siblings. my uncle very frequently saw a native american woman with long black hair walking around their house, most often sitting in his room and brushing her hair. the entire sibling squad and their cousins saw a person walking down the street and stop and fly over a ditch and then land and walk up to a house. my mom has had photographs talk to her. theyve all had prophetic dreams and frequently have family-oriented esp (like calling a family member they havent spoken to in four months at the exact moment that family member is calling them, or knowing when bad things have happened to family members. or even knowing i had a dream about a specific family member even though i hadnt told anyone)

the house that we lived in when i was a baby was so haunted that we had to move because no one would babysit me

the most common thing that happened was people hearing things that werent there. for example, my mom would be home with me, the garage door would open, the keys would jangle, the house door would open and shut, she would hear my dad whistling and then setting his keys down on the counter. then she would walk in and no one would be there because my dad was actually still at work. or if someone was babysitting me, they could hear my parents come home and talking as they walked in, but they weren't actually there, and when they would call my parents they would still be 30 minutes away. this exclusively happened when someone was alone with me so no one ever wanted to be alone with me anymore

also while living at this house, when i was about 1 1/2 or not quite 2, i told my mother i remembered when i used to be her mother. when she questioned me what i meant i got too angry and wouldnt respond to her anymore even though i was a very docile toddler usually

(pregnancy/miscarriage cw) at another house, my mom had her first of two very late term miscarriages. she woke up in the middle of the night but didn't know what had woken her up. she was lying on her back. then suddenly a cloudy black shape bubbled up out of her stomach, paused for a moment hovering over her, and then shot up through the ceiling. she had a miscarriage the next day

the house that i lived in from ages 8 to 18 was also extremely haunted. lots and lots of stuff happened at that house

very frequently there would be the unmistakable sound of feet running up the stairs. it was a brand new house and the stairs didn't make noise otherwise. just feet running up them every once in a while. the dogs would always go crazy barking and run to the stairs looking for who was there but no one ever was. this happened a lot when i was home alone

this also only happened on my bedroom door but i had one of the long handles not the round one, and very often the handle would push down, pause for a moment, the door would push open and stop halfway, pause, and then close again. i thought maybe it was just me but my parents were in my bedroom one time when it happened and were like jesus christ you were telling the truth

this only happened with me and my mom but we heard piano music in the house all the time

one time my mom was home alone and walked into the foyer and there was a girl sitting on the stairs. my mom freaked a little but thought she was from the neighborhood and came in through the backdoor (we didnt keep it locked) and said "hello?" and the girl looked at her and then vanished

also not totally sure this one counts bc sleeping, but once a woman in a tattered white wedding dress with long black hair woke me up in the middle of the night and told me to get out of my bed and go sleep in a different one. i didnt question it at the time but i woke up later like. wait wtf. found out the next day that this woman is a very common ghost to see

i think the one i've been personally present for that had the most participants was when me, my mom, and 5 of the baby cousins were playing in the backyard. they were all between ages 7 and 12, i was 16 or 17. i had to pee so i told them i was going inside and would be right back, and when i came back out they were all laughing. i asked what they were laughing about and my mom kind of rolled her eyes and was like they thought it was really funny you were waving to them from your bedroom window. i was like oh haha yeah just trying to be silly :) and then pulled my mom aside and was like i literally was not in my bedroom. she got very serious and was like dont lie to me we literally ALL saw you very clearly waving to us from the window. i was like i went in and peed and came right back and i never even went upstairs. we're the only ones home there's no one upstairs. she got very mad and told me to stop trying to scare her. when i was still speaking to her a few years ago she still didnt believe i hadnt gone upstairs and still believed i was lying because they "all saw me so clearly"

i do wonder if "ghosts" are just places where the multiverse overlaps with itself a little bit? all my supernatural encounters are just totally normal things that shouldn't be happening when they're happening. people who WOULD be there but arent right now. doors opening in the exact way i walk through them but im just not walking through them right then. people seeing me waving through a window when that IS something i would do, i just didnt do it

i've never had a "malicious" ghost encounter save for one incident that i never got an answer about. it was pretty simple. i woke up with the shape of a hand bruised around my knee. like someone had grabbed my leg while i was sleeping. my parents were the only ones home and neither of them had done it. their hands didnt even line up with the bruise. and no matter how much i contorted i couldnt twist my hand to fit onto it. but it was unmistakably four fingers and a thumb grabbing my knee. i dont remember if i had any dreams that night, but i never "heard from" that ghost again

so thats. why i believe in ghosts. lol. it would be dumb of me not too. i dont inherently think ghosts are dead people, like i said above. i think its just some spacetime fabric getting all ruffled up. but theres a lot about the universe we dont understand. why not some thats a little spooky?

now does that explain why my moms family is also definitely werewolves and just refused to tell me? maybe a little. but thats a whole other story

[theddude]

Im home alone,... i heard a sound,.. hoped it would be you sitting in my livingroom, i ran to the livingroom,.. only to not find you there,...

Maybe im pathetic, maybe im a fool, mybe im desperate, maybe i hope to much, maybe i care to much to,... but i am because of you,.. i miss you,.. never thought this would happen,.. i swore my devotion to you, and only you more than a year ago,.. and now i'm here,.. and you are not...

I hope when you talk with your parents about me, you also tell them that, that we had devoted our lives together,.. that we where in real love, and we are real best friends,... i hope you do, do give me that credit,..

You know i asked you if they where angry on me,... they where,... but if they knew it all, that it is real love, real devotion, real care, real commitment,.. how can they be angry about the thing that makes her daughter happy?,...

I remember the mondayevening when before you first broke,.. we snapchatted each other like we always did,.. i asked if everything was alright,.. you weren't,... i asked if i could do anything for you,... i couldnt, you had to do it yourself,.. i asked if you still loved me and wanted me,.. you said you did,.. i even asked if you still wanted be intimate with me and stuff, and you replied you did, happily,..i replied i would love that to, but was very worried about you,..

One day later im pucking down the road,.. because my world fell apart,.. you pushed me out,...

The second time, I specifically asked if we where still the same for each other,.. yes we where,.. you still want us do the same,.. yes you wanted,... you wanted to avoid difficult questions,.. so i did, i respected you,..you even helped me choosing presents for my niece(which she adores btw) ... and then all of a sudden another break,... it was so sudden, i almost think you got caught again or something and had to do this,...

Writing me makes me light headded, i never have been angry you know, wont be,.. and if your partner is angry and dissapointed in me i can imagine, but he should know how love works,... if its there its there, if there was no space and click where it could evolve in it wouldnt evolved in this we had,... and honestly he gave so much space it was uncanny, like he was okey with me pleasing and beeing there for you more than him,... you know he said to me a couple of times,.. i could better talk with you instead of him, because i know you better,.. i mean come on,..i've talked with people around you about it, and they even noticed,.. and they thinked you and me should have been a couple instead,... this was a time back already,..

I hope you are not bussy with a farewell tour with me, and still we find a way to circle back,..

I trust you, love you, adore you, miss you, and kiss you on the forehead in my mind right now,..

Your love,

[ghost-of-the-machine]

or.. ill be upset about something else. i feel angry

i make too many excuses for everyone in my life. you ask them to walk all over you if it makes them feel better. i let you

im allowed to be a little spiteful, im allowed to be bitter!!!

its just. id say? bpd gives me the most problems like. even the whole. brain not put together thing is less cumbersome than that shit. what a painful way of life, so extreme and tiring.. it rips me apart and then puts me back together so suddenly, im high off the buzz until its ripped away from me again. thats how everything feels, it makes me want to just... sleep. for a very very long time

like most if not all disorders, its not my fucking fault i have to live like this, its theirs. im glad i was born... because i wouldnt be where i am now and i dont want to think about that. but? you couldnt have spared me a little time? ive been so violently aware of myself and all my flaws since i was little, like. LITTLE little. between offhand comments that i overanalyzed religiously and based my sense of self on, to just. being ALONE. that was no place for a kid to grow up. dark and dingy and cold and there was bugs everywhere and. there wasnt always someone to make food for me, i got food poisoning so many times cuz you cant let a fucking 7 year old cook for himself with no supervision? 'cook' is a generous word, id literally just grab cold shit from the fridge and eat it. several times i drank alcohol on accident cuz there was just water bottles full of alcohol left around my house. and lord, was it dirty.. not to mention the blood. and the violence, and screaming.. and they wonder why im the way i am now? i feel... ruined. it makes me angry. couldnt you have saved me from all of that? couldnt you have made it better for me? i was just a child, what could i have done? i did the most, though. put myself in front of others, learned to protect and . it was really naive of me, obviously these grown men arent scared of a little girl. but i tried, because everyone seemed like they needed someone to take care of them. i mean.. thats why they didnt take care of me, right? they needed it more! surely 💀

i got taken away by cps when i was really little, its one of my earliest memories. it was like a dream, every memory is like a dream to me.. but i remember that apparently, the agent on our case was corrupt or something, said we didnt have food when we did, etc and got us taken away on purpose. i think thats true, shes mentioned a case in the newspaper about it, but. my mom didnt want to give me up again. it took till i was about 8-9 before she finally sent me to live with my grandma again. maybe i wasnt there for very long, but... i am permanently altered 🥳🥳 YIPPIEEEE!!!!!

honestly it sucks. my dad is in jail where he belongs, ive never missed him a single day in my life, but.. i remember after, the only times id see my mom was brief visits at like. a facility. and i thought it was fun because there was places for me to play. it makes me.. really sad thinking about it now. i was about 4-5 around this time. idk. im not really angry anymore, im just sad now. i mean ill always be angry, but that just means ill always be sad too

so much... disruption. moving all over and leaving my friends behind, struggling to make new ones cuz . oh no1!1 that boy is developing attachment issues, i wonder where this will lead!!!! i latch on like a parasite to anyone i fall in love with, because im scared to be disrupted again. im scared itll be taken from me because everyone LOVES taking things away from me. my stability, my happiness, my family. my everything, just ripped away over and over again. no wonder bro doesnt know who he is!!!!!!!! what a waste.

[deesims4]

a night out

another time that they choose to try destroy me and drug me. And somehow they almost destroyed me. Benzo this time. Im so use to it now that i have drugtests at home.

I just really wish this to end. I just want to live my life and in peace. Why are people so very mean?

Its like not even mean its like evil.

they somehow manage to take/steal my car "the black audi" and now they use it to make me jealous or something? But what? I bought it! its so wierd. I hate this situation and seems to never end.

They are so jealous of me that it seems that every chance they get to destroy me they do it. I just got a new job and then we were celebrating these two very very busy weeks. And it was a lot of champagne and so on. I had so much fun and this guy i have been dating for the last years was supposed to pick me up. But instead they just watch me waiting there. He just took the audi and tried make me jealous. Driving pass me and like being so angry so jealous i think. Cause the champagne cost so much money and it was so much of it.

I just really wanted to have fun. But he planned the whole time to destroy it for me and drugged me with benzo before i went there. How i dont know. I got drunk and i have blackout wich the benzo caused. He just watched me there waiting in the rain sitting alone. Outside my work. They took all my stuffs like phone and credit cards and so on. (the work found it) and i couldnt call anyone and so i went to the gasstation and there the police took me to sleep at the police for the night.

How can someone be so cruel and do this to me? So jealous that they dont care what happened to me. Everybody called my mom and even the boss of the whole hotel called my mom and wondered if i was missing cause they found my clothes from my bag and thought something happened to me.

I couldnt answer anyone cause my phone was there. And they have even been so mean so they putted my phone inside the toilet. .

I went to this guy today and i wondered why he did this. He just refuse to talk honest and try to make me look like i was with someone else. . Even though i know it was all his fault. I got so angry at him and we fighted a lot. He talkes to me about "pride" and so on, and then makes me look like i did someething wrong and suddenly he is mad at me? BUT I HAD BEEN SLEEPING AT THE POLICE and i know that he knew it. Yet he refuses to take any fault in it and says i deserved it. It makes me so sad and angry how someone you been with for so long time can be so mean and cruel to the one that actually loved him.

I just really have to stay focused now and not loose grip of what my goals are. Even though i really would want to hit him and destroy his things and make revenge. I wont cause i dont want to be as bad as he is.

the worst thing is when someone you really love do this really cruel and mean things to you. if it was a stranger or something. I wouldnt care. But i cared for him. But now i really have to move on. I cant accept this is my life anymore.

I cant be with someone who is this jealous.

if he had acted good from the beginning and be a good boyfriend and so on, he could have been there celebrating with me. But that is impossible.

I will use this all as a big lesson. Some people comes as blessings and some are lessons. This is a lesson. I dont want to be with someone who is jealous of me. And so cruel. Evil.

I really start to hate him. Them. But at the same time i pitty them. I feel sorry for them. Cause they r so like jealous of people. They should have focused on themself. But instead focus on destroying others.

I am going to buy a new car as soon as i can have money again and then i will move away from here. Somewhere where they dont know where i live. I am thinking of actually getting like secret identity to protect myself from people like this.

Yet i am glad i was there. At this event, it was a really fun party and i have drinked so much expensive champagne in my life. They came in with like big Magnum champagnes that was glowing and girls where dancing in gold when they brought it. It must have cost like around 30k or something.

I dont want to spend that much on champagne actually i think its a waste and just like for show but yes it was fun. Great experience.

We were at the VIP table also. It was so cool.

I can see if someone gets jealous. But like that ? I mean... hmmm... sending me to the police is a little bit extreme.

Tomorrow i will go and collect my things and apologize that they thought i was missing. And then i will be more careful going to those events. I wasnt prepared at all for it. I thought we would sit and drink cocktails and talk kind of. But it was super powerful nightclub. With champagne everywhere.

[kingas-poet]

Im sorry

Im sorry i still cant love you like you wish you were loved

im sorry i cant love you like i wish i could love you

but its hard

you bring me such sad memories

they make me care too much they make me worry and i know there is nothing that can be done about that

i look at you and i feel

anger

sadness

disgust

and nostalgic

i wish i would have had the knowledge i have now so as to advise you properly so you wouldn’t have done what you did

i wish i could have been able to help you seek help. i wish i wouldnt have ignored it and left you alone to deal with it at 3 am

i wish you wouldn’t feel the shame you felt for simply existing. i wish you would have realised that its okay and you deserve to be here just as much as everyone else.

i wish you would have enjoyed more. i wish you could remermber the past with the happy type of nostalgia instead of this sad angry depressing one.

i dont hate you because of the things you should have done.

i hate that i should have been there helping you and i wasnt

i hate that i didnt find any help

i hate that i internalised it

i hate that when i look in the mirror

you’d think that i hate what looks back

but i hate how i used to be how i used to look

everywhere in me i see her

that depressed kid no one realised was depressed

that kid no one really had time for

who lived in her own world away from everyone because she thought that if it looked like she was having fun others would join in and play with her

but no one ever did

now youre 19

oh how youve grown

tou changed

you are almost nothing like you were

yes

you still are her nonetheless

thats not a bad thing

you dont represent her anymore

I dont reprecent her anymore

yes we are the same person. and yes we still look something alike but

we are completely different

i dont love you yet

i dont think i can right now and for that im sorry

but i’ll get there

i’ll get to the day where i look in the mirror and the person who stares back feels the same as me and you in the best ways.