#if you dig deep enough you can link pretty much everything to the world wars lmao-

[0mega-x]

saw your france + hre banner and nearly screamed!! thank you for being on that same east/west francia brainwave :D

Holy shit I was just looking at your tumblr after seeing your post on frank/france when I see this 😭

Of course! I love that whole east/west francia, and I hope the fandom (because I doubt the canon will) expand on it. There is just SO much that could be talked about on the two's dynamic all the way hre's death

[newvegascowboy]

i think deacon’s idle voice lines reveal a lot more about him as a person than anything he says during affinity conversations, and here’s why

get ready for a long meta post about deacon that nobody asked for, because we’re deep diving today.

okay. so Deacon’s a liar, everybody knows this. He tells you straight up that he does and WILL lie to you, and will praise you if you call him out, but i think his idle voice lines are more honest about himself than he would have you believe. 

Personal Life

i first noticed stuff he says in idle conversations when we were taking rad damage and he said, “Great. I didn’t need to have more children.” (0:58 for anyone interested) and “Guess there won’t be any little Deacons scurrying around in the future.” The above video doesn’t include it, but I have heard him say it in game. Unfortunately, I can’t go digging around in the game files to find it, so you might have to take that one at my word! 

I always take his affinity conversations with a grain of salt because, well, it’s Deacon, but given how angry and upset with a dismissive Sole Survivor he becomes, I’m willing to give him a little bit of leeway and believe that Barbara either was or is real, and she’s no longer in his life. Plus, given what he says about them “trying for kids”? It’s not unreasonable to think that he has or had children. If he ever did, they’re not in his life anymore either. 

(the reproductive ability of synths is debated. i couldn’t actually find any information on the fallout wiki, but there were a few forums discussing the topic where the general consensus seemed to be “no”, but if synths are 100% biologically human, then i don’t see why they technically couldn’t. it’s kind of a YMMV thing.) 

Plus, it’s pretty consistent that he gets freaked out when up in high places. (:44) here to listen to his voice lines about being up in the quarry, and here to listen to his dialogue during the Railroad aligned quest Red Glare. Safe to say this man is honestly afraid of heights. 

"Alright. You got me up here... let's go down. Now?"

At the top of Trinity Tower. 

The Railroad

Not going to spend a lot of time on this, since his voice lines about it are minimal, but it is of note. 

Game files and terminal entries hint at Desdemona believing that Deacon is “John D”, the sole survivor of an attack on the Railroad back in 2266. Post 2273, there is no more mention about “John D”. Admittedly, this is pretty weak evidence considering it’s in-game conjecture, but Deacon mentions knowing Desdemona as a green recruit, finding it hard to take her seriously at times.

Even if his claim about being the real leader of the Railroad is bullshit, he’s obviously one of the eldest members of the Railroad, confirmed membership going back at least 12 years to 2275. He could very well be the oldest surviving member of the Railroad. 

Hidden Depths

this one is pretty well known, so I’m not going to say too much on it either. 

the man knows a lot of stuff about the pre war world! Don’t know why! He never offers any reason for why he’s so familiar with the pre war world. It’s very clear that he either had a much, much more thorough education than most Wastelanders, or he was around people who did. University Point was a pretty major settlement until the Institute wiped it out, so I suppose it’s possible that he could’ve been schooled there, but I find it unlikely. He never makes any mention of his childhood other than an obvious joke where he says, “I grew up just over there. Lot of fond memories by that...thing.”  (this link is a compilation of voice lines, so it may take a moment to get there.) 

Obviously there’s the famous Proust line, indicating he’s pretty well read, though, oddly enough, he doesn’t have anything to say about Henry David Thoreau’s cabin! You’d think he would. In addition to Proust, he has the combat voice line, “Insert something Shakespearean about your death and inevitable doom here,” indicating he’s familiar with Shakespeare. 

He also mentions knowing and wanting a talk radio show. I mean, the Charles River Trio exists, but it’s a stretch to call that a talk radio show. He also mentions having read “a few textbooks” and asks if we were planning on an invasion of mathletes. This hints at nothing, but i do think it’s funny that he knows the word mathlete, but refers to pre-war objects as gizmos. 

Involvement in other games

It’s canon that Deacon has been to the Capital Wasteland, and based on his dialogue, may have been VERY involved in the goings on there. 

The events of Fallout 3 take place in 2277. The wiki tells us that sometime in 2275, Deacon was kicked out of the railroad by then-leader Pinky Thompson because Pinky was "sick of the lying, face-changing son of a bitch." So maybe unlikely, but very possible for Deacon to have been in the Capital Wasteland during the entirety of the events of Fallout 3. Though this pretty much kills the idea that Deacon was the Lone Wanderer, that’s a headcanon i love and probably one that I want to do something with in the future. 

He also seems to have quite a history with the Brotherhood of Steel and seems familiar with them and their actions in the Capital Wasteland, going to far as to say that they did good work in the Capital. Not only that, but he mentions “Code Violet”, part of Harkness’ override code from Fallout 3. It’s possible that Deacon could’ve been a runner for escaped synths heading for the Capital Wasteland sometime around 2277, which could be why he’s so knowledgeable about Capital-era Brotherhood and President Eden. 

Deacon talks about winning something from Robert House in a poker game while chatting with Deezer in Covenant. (1:26) Also interesting to note - he mentions “Being a soldier in the west” (17:43) at one point, hinting to possible involvement with the NCR (or possibly with the Western chapter of the Brotherhood). 

of course it’s possible that Deacon is bullshitting. He’s a liar. even if he doesn’t have a “reason” to lie, that doesn’t make every random word that comes out of his mouth the truth. simply - this man knows a lot. Knows things that, arguably, he shouldn’t or would be very hard for him to learn without some dedicated poking around. 

in conclusion? 

is there more? most definitely. what does this mean? well...not really anything. part of why i believe that his idle voice lines are more truthful than anything he says during his affinity conversations is because during those conversations, a lot of the time, he’s lying to try and prove a point. 

"But I had a point here. A lesson, if you will. There're other organizations out there. And, in time, I'm sure they're going to spoon-feed you their own patented form of bullshit. Ignore the verbage and look at what they're doing. What they're asking you to do. What sort of world they'd have you build and how they're going to pay for it."

I believe a lot of Deacon’s lies are meant for himself. To run from himself, to comfort himself, or simply because he doesn’t want to be affiliated with the man he was when he was younger. To me, his idle lines are him “thinking out loud”. Grumbling because the Sole Survivor dragged him into an irradiated hell hole, or freaked out because they’re standing on top of Trinity Tower and by god, he can feel the building swaying. 

Maybe his honesty is completely on accident. Maybe he’s just hinting at a personal life with a max affinity Sole Survivor because this person is his best friend and despite everything he’s ever tried to teach himself, he trusts this person. Or maybe it isn’t honesty at all, and he’s just bullshitting to bullshit. It’s impossible to know for sure. 

Either way, we’ll never truly know the real Deacon. 

[falcor-thee-luck-dragon]

Love Cuts Deep

Chapter 1- She Ran With Wolves

Bucky Barnes x powered (f)reader Series Re-write (Civil War, Infinity War/Endgame, TFATWS)

Summary: You’re a survivor, always have been and always will be. After narrowly escaping the clutches of Hydra years ago, you’ve been keeping to the shadows for as long as time allows. With Hydra suddenly exposed and your secrets in the open, you’re on the hunt for the last part of your past, but is he ready to see you again?

Warning: angst, talk of violence, some fluff mixed in (a little); way more to come

Masterlist

Side note- This is a TFATWS Series Re-write!!! Obviously lol, anyways. Readers powers are heavily inspired by a certain Marvel badass and I just thought her powers would work so well for this. Also they’re cool as fuck.

September, 15th 2013

Location: S.H.I.E.L.D Headquarters, Washington D.C.

This recent project Fury had sent her on was beginning to make itself quit the annoyance for Natasha this past of couple weeks, granted he always gave her the toughest assignments, understanding that no one else can dig up as much dirt as the Black Widow can.

But this? This was different, the target in question was practically a ghost, a legend among the ones lucky, or possibly unlucky enough to have been made aware of this dangerous individual. But no matter how much she asked around from her various secretive resources on the problem in question, this mystery person was simply just rumor to them. Or perhaps too much of a sour subject to seek into any further. Although one thing was always prevalent, people were scared.

But why?

The assassin leans back in her chair, a thoughtful expression crossing over her features as she stares bitterly down at the top secret file gifted to her by Fury himself. Suddenly a door closes, she shuts the file in an instant, only to be greeted with the apologetic face of Steve as he walks past her.

“Sorry. Fury told me you would be in here.” Begins Steve as he takes the nearby couch, something small and metal in his right hand, “Said you were assigned some impossible case. How’s it going so far?”

Letting out a jaded sigh, she shifts her gaze over to the window, “The absolute vagueness of this person is....frustrating to say the least. All I’ve been able to gather is that they’ve been part of some top secret experimentation on pregnant women. Somehow they’re involved with it....I just, gotta figure out how.” She adds with a conflicted expression dancing across her features.

Steve hums in thought, “Sounds complicated.”

“You have no idea.” Mutters Natasha unenthusiastically as her green irises shift back down to the annoying little file.

Steve palms the object in his hand before gaining his friends attention once again, “Here. Fury told me to give this to you.” Her brows furrow in thought as she reaches over and quickly accepts the strange hard drive looking object, “I think this will help. It has the location of the target and who they are. That’s it.....Well, the last reported location.”

“How did he?” She wonders aloud, face suddenly breaking out into an irked grin, “Fury you son of a bitch, about time I found a legitimate lead.”

——

Sitting on her comfortable apartment couch, Natasha sifts through the various encrypted files from the hard drive that’s currently plugged into her laptop. So far she’s spent about two hours breaking through the various encrypted file blockers and now at long last has finally made some real progress.

Studying the brightly glowing screen, she moves her finger, clicking another coded link that reads -V13X11- she’s immediately greeted with a black screen and the slightly blurred picture of a woman’s face who’s looking rather stoic and fearless against the camera flash. Her eyes are set and hard as stone, dark and almost angry behind lips that show the ghost of a forced smile. She’s noticeably an overall attractive woman, in kind of a terrifying and intimidating sort of way, like looking at a fierce lioness standing valiantly against a foe; nonetheless she stares defiantly at the person behind the camera. 

Her eye color, weight, date of birth, and presumably patient number, that's printed in big bold letters 00X13 on the glowing screen, right below her squared portrait. Furrowing her brows, Natasha scrolls down to see about a paragraph long of personal information given about the woman. Including, to the red heads tremendous surprise, a birth name, Y/N Valerious.

Oddly enough, the name indeed sounds a tad bit familiar, though she can’t quit place from where.

The file states that she was raised in a facility on the outskirts of Surinda, Russia; someplace in Siberia, close to the heart of the mammoth country. Trained by the organization Hydra and summitted into inhuman experimentation by the specific facility that held her, however the rest is all encrypted and impossible to translate into something comprehensible much to Natasha’s utter disappointment. 

Huffing in frustration, she slips out the hard drive before shutting down her laptop and slamming it shut. The room is darker by now with the sun gone, and tomorrow it appears that Natasha will be off to Sweden to confront this woman, Y/N, in hopes of gathering valuable intel into the people who created her, and any important information regarding her troubled past. 

If she’s willing to comply.

——

Closing your laptop, you stand and wander over to the opened window to stretch before taking a deep breath of freshly brisk winter air. The land here in Uppsala, Sweden is more beautiful and peaceful then you could have ever imagined since renting an apartment two months ago. In fact, this is probably the longest you’ve ever stayed in one spot since abandoning the life of an assassin many years ago.

Though you know it won’t be much longer until you leave again, but you can’t just yet, there happens to be a certain agent on her way to find you. Fury unknowingly received your encrypted hard drive with opened arms, foolishly under the impression it was sent from an old friend when he reached out for answers into your complicated history. Then when the Black Widow eventually clicked open your link, bam, you could see everything she was nosily sifting through. Everything you wanted her to see. You honestly wouldn’t be surprised if something dramatic happened to the people over in D.C. at this point, idiots, all of them.

For the past couple years S.H.I.E.L.D has become sort of a troubling snooping nuisance for you, constantly delving their way into your relatively uneventful lifestyle every couple of months, meddling around to figure out if you’re still currently active for Hydra and if not, are you willing to pay for your crimes or to join them like she did. Definitely not on your to do list any time soon.

Watching as a small black bird zips by, you quickly shut your window and close the dark colored curtains to block yourself from the rest of the chaotic world. Hastily making your usual rounds about the apartment to be absolutely certain all the possible openings are locked. Soon after you head for bed, ready to face the ex-assassin whenever she arrives in the following days ahead.

-

Seated at your kitchen table, you casually sip at your steaming hot tea while watching security footage from downstairs from when you hacked into their system, the same night you began renting the place. As expected, the notorious red head slips her way into the building and up the four flights of stairs until finally a light knock is heard at your old wooden door.

So she wants to do this cleanly.

Switching off the device, you stuff it in a nearby drawer before calmly walking down the tiny hallway over to the frontdoor and opening it, lock off and all. Her green eyes blink in curious surprise as you show her no indications of aggression; she’s about your height if not maybe slightly smaller, thick scarf and a winters coat about her person as she holds a normal sized black bag in her right hand. No doubt a gun concealed somewhere close, a light precaution in case things go south from here.

Trailing your wary gaze from her travel bag to her pale face, you raise an intrigued brow, “I assume you’re here for me?” You ask with the tinge of a confident Eastern European accent as she slowly nods, eyes calculated and calm as she studies your mellow yet slightly defensive stance.

Pursing plush lips together, she casually shrugs with a light hearted smile, “I only realized you must have sent that hard drive when I arrived in London...”

“Well I’ve gotten rather bored running away from your persistent bastards over in America.” You interrupt before opening up your door even wider, gifting her an open invitation instead of a fight, “Come in. I assume we have much to discuss.”

Following you to the table, she sets her bag on the closest chair as you take another sip from your tea. Cautious eyes trained on her every move as she shifts a bit uncomfortably in her chair, “So, I assume you’re not here to sell me that pretty bag of yours. Not that I’d want it.”

She smirks at your blunt sarcasm, pleased to know you’ve at least got a sense of humor after all you’ve endured, “No. I’m here to learn about who created you and if there are any more. Y/N, I’m well aware of how dangerous you truly are...but given the fact that you’ve had time to adjust, and let me into your home willingly. I came seeking answers. Nothing more, nothing less.”

Folding your hands together, you tilt your head at her thoughtfully, “Well that’s good. I didn’t really want killing the Black Widow on my conscience, though I’d speculate a few would be relieved.” You quip with a playful smirk before your face turns serious again, “I’ll tell you about the fuckers who made me. Then you leave and never bother me again. Understood?” You add in almost a growl.

Handing you a polite smile, she nods in agreement, “Of course. You have my word.” You take another sip of your tea as she reaches into her bag, a beige file suddenly plants itself atop your kitchen table. “This is the only surviving file on you. It’s enough, but there’s too many cracks that need to be filled. I need to know how they conducted the experiments and who else survived them. This is important for the safety of S.H.I.E.L.D and the rest of the world. Y/N, we’re trying to make sure something like this can never happen again. And well, any secrets on Hydra always helps.”

Setting your cup down, you smirk, “This should be filled with liquor if I’m going to be spilling some top secret Hydra business of this velocity.” You muse, setting aside your mug, your face quickly shifts to a more serious expression. “For starters this isn’t a very heartwarming story.”

“Neither is mine.” Begrudgingly admits the ex-assassin.

“Well, at least we have something in common then, Black Widow.” You assert with a pointed look before leaning back against the barred wood of your chair, thinking of where to start first. Your eyes trail over to the window as you begin your story, “This place, where they kept us. The scientists working for Hydra wanted to test out special DNA altering serums on the embryos of willing participants. Well, we weren’t willing....but they targeted the poor, feigning a program that would pay these mothers-to-be thousands if they participated. Plus a comfortable place to stay for awhile.” You reveal before taking another sip of your tea, “You see, I’m not originally from Russia, my home was some nameless village in Eastern Europe that I’ve forgotten the name of by now, it was so long ago. But anyways, I guess fate has a funny way of administering it’s business to the ones seeking safety in times of struggle. So my mother...” You take another sip of your tea to help clear your throat and head a little bit, God you hate talking about this.

Setting it down again, you continue, “Mine accepted. They took her and twenty-two others to this facility deep in the woods. This place was practically a paradise for them...” You chuckle miserably, “soon enough the scientists pumped them full of drugs and began their altering of the embryos DNA, genetic codes, and whatever else they saw fit to mess with. Nine months later we came into this world kicking and screaming.”

“Shit.” Mutters Natasha in astonishment, fully engrossed in your story as she starts to realize maybe her upbringing wasn’t as fucked as yours.

“They monitored us for the first few months, waiting to see if anyone acted strange....nothing, to their utter disappointment. Soon they drew blood samples and as it turned out, we all had altered DNA from the serum. Just as they’d planned.”

Her brows furrow in puzzlement before she asks, “How’d you get your powers then? I don’t think I missed anything.” Insists your guest questionably as you shake your head.

“You didn’t. But you have to understand that as we grew older, all of us basically became tiny super soldiers as fucked as that is, not only did they change our genetic code for meddling with later on when we got older. But this serum was so well developed that it completely fused with the fetuses genetic code, only causing us to grow stronger as we aged from toddlers to three-year-old's and up. Testing even revealed that it slowed down our ageing process just like with Captain America. But it wouldn’t be effective till we reached our mid to late twenties.”

Natasha takes a moment to process your words before she nods in acknowledgment, “Y/N. It’s my understanding that this is a buried secret from the organization for good reason, it’s just....what year did this all take place? It’s not in any of the records I was able to dig up, not even in yours, nothing except for your date of birth.” States Natasha curiously, stopping you before you speak of anything else.

Nodding you lean your arms against the wooden table, leaning in a bit closer now, “1953, after World War ll when people where still recovering from the heavy aftermath while the Cold War was still raging on when well, you know.” Giving her a lopsided shrug, you glance from an old faded picture on the wall then back to her, “Lets just say Russia wasn’t exactly having a stellar time, nor was my mother for that matter.” You Conclude before aimlessly pursuing your lips together, “Which yes, makes me at around 60 years old. Don’t I look pretty.” You add, voice dripping in sarcasm.

Natasha’s eyes concede silent astonishment as she blinks back surprise, “Even after all these years doing what I do, meeting the people that I have. I’m still left speechless every once in awhile. Y/N I can’t even imagine what you’ve seen.” Reveals the red head honestly as her green irises flicker from your file then back up to you, a conflicted expression dancing across her features, “How did they...how did you gain your powers, aside from what the serum gave you in the process?”

An apprehensive sigh escapes freely from your lips while you lean back into the creaky old chair, a troubled look darkening your features as you avoid her intrigued gaze, “They waited until we were twelve before testing us....in the meantime we lived as normal children; learning, playing, and training to survive. You know, the typical stuff.” You add with a small breathy laugh, though no humor finds your eyes, “We had our mothers until a year before they began the experiments. But it wasn’t that terrible of a loss since they trained us to adapt to our environment and never fully depend on anyone but ourselves.....it’s sick. And I’m not even sure what they did to them, I guess I never will.”

She nods as you make a disgusted face, an acidic hatred rising in your chest at the thought of your childhood, “I’m sorry, I can’t even imagine how traumatic that must have been.”

“Oh believe me, it gets better.” You joke bitterly, “In pairs of two they tested us, putting us into rooms where two doctors would strap us down and stick a needle into our skin. After that, they waited until something dramatic happened. Oh, and it sure as fuck did.” You conclude with a sneer.

Biting her lip anxiously, Natasha asks anyway, “How many survivors?”

Scoffing, you shake your head in revulsion for what those doctors did to everyone, an angry expression soon crossing your features, “One.” You sourly mutter, “All my other friends died of the new serum they gave us, either right then and there on the table, or in the following days. You see, it was supposed to blend with our altered DNA to create something powerful out of it, something beyond humans normal capabilities. It just ended up horribly mutating everyone except for me.” You whisper, clear sadness and hatred coating your very words.

Your eyes stare sharply at the peeling table top paint, a frown on your lips as you take in a deep breath before continuing, “What they did to me....no one should have to go through something so goddamn agonizing, I was only a child, just a little girl in a terrible place whether I knew it or not....and you know how it affected me?” She slowly shakes her head no as you smile miserably, your brows furrowed in pain, “I was gifted with bone claws that retracted out of my knuckles and one from each of my feet.” You confirm, eyes suddenly darkening in fury, “And you know what those goddamn bastards did to me afterwards? Like I hadn’t suffered enough from the pain of it all, they pumped me full of liquid Adamantium. Turning my claws to solid metal, the fucking strongest material on earth. Right in the body of an eleven year old child!” You shout furiously as she flinches back at your outburst, blinking hard, you let out a heavy breath before leaning back into your chair in defeat.

Calm down, Y/N. It’s just a memory now.

Strong brows dent her clear skin in thought as you await a response, after a few long moments does she soon gather her racing mind, lacing her fingers together she raises a brow at you, “That doesn’t explain how you’ve survived so long. The years working for Hydra, they turned you into a weapon....yet you’ve escaped and haven’t been killed yet. Not even a scratch to be found.....well, at least that I can see.”

Turning to face the puzzled assassin, you give her a lopsided grin, your chill composure coming back to you quickly enough, “I didn’t just get claws from the enhanced serum that fucked with my genetic make-up, it completely heightened my humanly abilities. Suddenly I was stronger, faster, and all my senses felt like they were on overload. Best of it all, I came to realize I had accelerated healing capabilities. Who would have thought that their shitty inhuman experiments would have gone so horrendously, yet with the one miracle of an exception. Me.”

“I had figured that branch of Hydra was meddling on dangerous ground, I hadn’t realized the extent of what they were doing. Did they try making any more like you?” She wonders.

“I was the last. Since I was the only compatible vessel, they didn’t want to waste anymore time or money on others who could possibly fail.” You explain with a shrug, “I became one of their most treasured assets.”

Pursing her lips together, she gives a slight nod before revealing a different file from her bag, you watch as she pauses for a moment before opening it up, you quickly take notice of the many white papers pinned together. Some with encrypted symbols and words while others are in plain English. Your brows furrow as she flips the first page to reveal...

“I know I came asking for answers about classified information, but this won’t be a complete mission if I don’t ask you about your time with Hydra.” Proposes the red head cautiously while she studies your face for any hostile reactions, not getting anything but skepticism, she continues, “I understand you were very important to them. It’s recorded you’ve completed about three dozen kills over an active period of about thirty-seven years.”

You scoff before muttering, “So it would seem. They gave me my first mission in 1971...when I was 17.”

“Right, but that’s not exactly what I’m seeking.” Her eyes immediately trail down to the files, “I assume you must have seen this man at least once...” She flips another page over and pulls out a playing card sized photograph, she turns it around and slides it closer to you. Instantly you recognize who he is, but how did she?..

“I haven’t seen him in years, nor heard of him for that matter.” You mutter, though your tone shifts to a more aggravated one.

Noticing this difference, Natasha continues, “That’s the look of someone who has met him for less then friendly reasons. What happened to the Winter Soldier?” You take a long moment to study his stoic face of icy blue and white, and black; its when he was in the Cryostacis chamber, the place where they would freeze him to keep their Winter Soldier locked away until he was needed for a new mission. All that you can fully witness is his sleeping face, though you know exactly what he looks like up close and with no ice crystals in his dark hair.

Letting out a heavy sigh, you slide the photograph back over to her folder, “I met him when I was 25 in 1979, Hydra needed us for a duel mission somewhere in South Africa, they needed their best. We were tasked with locating and stealing some precious metal which we later learned was Vibranium, because apparently they had used the last of the Adamantium on me.” You reveal with a casual shrug, “It went relatively well as expected...and well, we worked with each other many times after that, until I escaped and he was sent to kill me in 2009.”

“You knew him for almost twenty-nine years. Do you know where he might be now?”

Scoffing, you almost laugh, “Even if I did, you’d never get him. But if I’d have to assume, he’s probably frozen in some cryo tank somewhere in the middle of Russia. Waiting to be let loose again so he can take out a new enemy of the state.”

“Right.” Nods the Black Widow as she closes up her files, her green irises quickly on you again, “Thank you for your time, and for the heavy material you spoke of.”

“It was a long time ago, someone else should remember what those fuckers did to innocent mothers and their children. No one in this entire world knows except for me, you, and the doctors I haven’t killed yet.” You growl with venom lacing your every word.

Soon you watch as she swiftly rises to her feet, as you do the same, “I wish you well then.” Affirms the Black Widow as you follow her lead to the door, she stands on the other side for a moment before asking, “Is there any way I could find you again?”

Leaning against the door frame, you break out into a knowing smirk as she stands waiting expectantly, “If you’re lucky, you’ll never see me again. Goodbye agent Romanoff.” And with that do you gently close the door, leaving her in the hallway with a plethora of useful information, but still nothing significantly useful on the Winter Soldier, now only time will tell if he ever happens to show up on her radar again. Hopefully not, she thinks doubtfully before turning on her heels and sauntering off down the hallway.

——

Almost two whole years had passed since last you’ve spoken to the assassin, in that time you’ve watched her speak on live television when Hydra had finally been exposed to the world and all their secrets let loose for the prying hungry eyes of the public.

Even some of your own information had been leaked, the world knew who you were now, what atrocities you’ve committed for the organization during your time with them and that you’ve been M.I.A since 2009. Now you’re on an international watchlist. Fantastic. Apparently some very important leaders of the world and other prestige family members alike aren’t very fond of yourself for murdering their adversaries or filthy rich husbands. 

But it’s not like you had a choice, Hydra would always alter your memories when they shocked you into forgetting who you even were; thus you’d complete a mission and a couple days or so later would your mind stitch itself back together again the best it could from the electrical trauma. Only the killing part would be a dark and fuzzy memory, thus revealing itself to you in bits and pieces at a time. Soon everything blurred together and you just complied or face getting electrocuted multiple times a session, until your eyes remained empty and dangerous.

Considering you’ve been on the run since that information was released, in this time, you’ve tracked down past agents and doctors alike who had wronged you, considering you now had full access to their recent history. Hence increasing your body count as you went from one country to the next, making the world a tad bit lighter with their darkness whipped from existence.

Although soon enough you became unsettled with the loads of information expunged from Hydra, your mind inevitably making a one eighty back to a certain broody super soldier from your complicated past. He must be in the world somewhere, living as a secret civilian or whatnot. He has to be. And you’ve decided to find him before someone else does.

Maybe it was curiosity, or the fact that he was like you and shared a bloody history with Hydra, but your instinctual drive to find the Winter Soldier eventually drew you the beautiful city of Bucharest, Romania. Although he didn’t make finding him effortless in the slightest, after endless days hacking into network databases looking for even a snippet of information. You found a lead.

Turns out airport security footage is very useful, even more so, footage from around the city’s grant center; and from there you were able to track him to Romania. Eventually after a couple of days in the city, you were able to catch a glimpse of him at the local market place and thus followed him to his little shitty apartment without him as so much as noticing.

Once he left again, you slipped inside and began your wait for his eventual return. But will he even want to speak with you? Does he even remember you? Your memories hadn’t been continuously whipped like his were, granted you were forced into cryo more then once and electroshocked into forgetting your memories. It eventfully stopped once they realized your mind would just heal itself into remembering again, so instead they threatened you with a tracking device deep into your skin tissue that would blow up if you tried to run.

Clearly you eventually found a way around this, as terrible of a memory it gave you.

——

Looking out the window, your ears suddenly pick up the sound of boots stealthily walking down the hallway, they’re incredibly light against the tiles outside, perhaps he somehow knows you’ve been following him. A moment later the scent of a man fills your nostrils and you know he’s inside the apartment. You could barely hear the door.

He’s silent as a mouse, nothing indicating he’s even there except for his rapidly thudding heartbeat that pounds anxiously against his strong chest; you slowly turn to face him. His hat from earlier is gone, dark blue eyes stare warily on you while soft breaths emit from his slightly parted lips. He’s not afraid, but he is nervous.

Folding your arms over your chest, you take a glance around the room, “Nice place.” You confirm casually, eyes back on the Winter Soldier in a second as the corner of your lips pull into a humored half grin, “I’m not here to complete some personal Vendetta against you, if that’s what you’re thinking.”

“Then why are you here?” His voice is more curious then cold, maybe he can be reasoned with after all.

Taking a step forward, you shrug, “Wanted to make sure you aren’t still on their side.”

He keeps silent for a moment as you watch him watch you, “I’m done with them.” Mutters Bucky, disgust dripping off his words. That’s exactly what you wanted to hear. Progress.

“Good.” You add with the tiniest of smiles before motioning towards his little kitchen table, “Mind if we sit and talk? As, well...I guess civilians now.”

Studying your face for any indication of falseness and hostility, he’s pleasantly surprised when he finds none. Bucky takes off both of his gloves and sits, metal hand shinning in the low lighting. A threat or a precaution? Maybe he just wants it off?

You follow his example, and soon the two of you sit not even three feet away from each other. Both yourself and Bucky hold an awkward silence for a long moment as the tension in the room rises, shifting your gaze from the counter behind him, you don’t really notice as he trails his eyes over your face, “I remember you.” Reveals Bucky to your great surprise, your eyes falling onto him in an instant, “They sent us on missions together, until you left and they woke me up to kill you for it.”

Smiling, you let out a humored breath of air, “Turns out you didn’t miss me after all. I gave you a nice scar for your troubles though, you still have it?”

Bucky purses his lips into the tiniest of shadowy grins, although no real joy is shown, “It’s a thin little line across my left rib cage. Just barely reached my bone.” Yeah, and I would have if you didn’t punch me in the eye socket first, you think to yourself from when the Winter Soldier had tracked you down. But that’s a long story.

“Glad it’s healed and they didn’t have you come after me a second time. I don’t think I would have let you live again.”

He thinks hard for a second as he processes your words, “You let me live? The first time?”

“Well,” You serenely admit, “I couldn’t exactly kill you...I guess, well....I don’t really know why I didn’t kill you when I had the chance. Guess I’m not as ruthless as Hydra wanted.” You mumble with a conflicted frown, the two of you keep silent before you break the odd tension, “Doesn’t matter now. I heard about what happened in D.C. just like the rest of the world. Gotta say, I was wondering what everyone over there had been getting themselves into.”

“They leaked everything.” Mumbles Bucky with a knowing flash of insight within his dark restless eyes.

“I know.” You add with a slow nod, “I’ve been traveling more cautiously for the past year and a half now. You’d think they’d let us live in peace, of course not. But I guess it means the world knows what a piece of shit organization Hydra is. So that’s something.”

“Yes.” Agrees Bucky, eyes trailing from your fingerless gloves to your face, of course he remembers what hides beneath, “What happened to you since you left?

Fumbling with your fingers as they lay against his table, you turn you head to the window, the ghost of a smile dancing across your lips, “Surviving. You?”

He shifts his gaze back down to his metal hand as you turn to face him, “About the same I’d say.”

Leaning back against your creaky wooden chair, you hand him a small yet friendly smile, “Well then. What of us now? Two ex-assassins alone in the world. With nothing but our wit and fists to keep us afloat.” You add with a low chuckle, he doesn’t crack.

Losing your smile, the two of you keep silent as ghosts for a long moment before Bucky shifts uncomfortably in his seat, “I got some tea.” Replies the admittedly handsome man now since you have a moment to really look; the briefest hint of a grin revealing itself against his lips for only but a flash of a second. But you still see it.

Fumbling with your fingers you give him a pursed lip grin, “I like tea.”

[veliseraptor]

Hi! With the Black Widow movie coming out, I just re-watched some old MUC movies and remembered how much I love Natasha. What are the main, must-read, Natasha-centric comics that you would recommend to a comics newbie? (You once made a similar post for Loki comics that I used and found extremely helpful.) Thanks for everything you share! I've found a lot of content that I enjoy through your blog!

Thanks, anon! I'm always happy when I can be rewarded for my loud yelling about things that I love. :D

I was sure I'd made a Natasha reading list a while back but apparently not?? what the fuck self. (well, other than my overall MCU starter kit recs post from forever ago that was for all of the O6 and is also very old.)

okay well then I guess it's time to do that now, no time like the present! going to link to trades where they exist but I'll include issue numbers as well

heads up: you probably will run into references you don't understand in some of these. that's comics for you. my advice: either let those things float by you, or just Google them - you can enjoy comics without knowing/having read all the lore!

anyway, the recs.

the easiest suggestion I have right off the bat though is the Black Widow Epic Collection editions that have been published recently (Black Widow: Beware the Black Widow, and Black Widow: The Coldest War) which include some of her major appearances, including in a bunch of old single issues that would otherwise be hard to find. HOWEVER, those won't take you up into her more contemporary appearances (the latest publish date in there is 1996).

THE TOP OF THE LINE

The Marjorie Liu run collected as Black Widow: The Name of the Rose (Black Widow vol. 4 #1-5). If you read no other Black Widow comics, read this one. It's so good, easily one of my top five comics runs of all time. Cannot recommend it enough.

Black Widow: The Itsy Bitsy Spider which includes two different short runs (Black Widow vol. 1, #1-3 & Black Widow vol. 2, #1-3). This is probably my other favorite Black Widow collection of issues (and they very much lead into each other); here's where Yelena gets introduced and also where you can find some very gay panels. If you can't find this one, you can find the same issues republished with the added Pale Little Spider miniseries in a trade called Marvel Knights Black Widow by Grayson and Rucka: The Complete Collection.

The Nathan Edmondson/Phil Noto run collected in three trades The Finely Woven Thread, The Tightly Tangled Web, and Last Days (Black Widow vol. 5, #1-20). This one follows on thematically in some ways from the Marjorie Liu run but primarily the appeal here, in my opinion, is Phil Noto's art, which is gorgeous.

The Mark Waid/Chris Samnee run collected as Black Widow: SHIELD's Most Wanted and Black Widow: No More Secrets (as well as in a Complete Collection edition) (Black Widow vol. 6, #1-12). This was a series not long enough for this world but a delight while it lasted - again, particularly the art, but Waid and Samnee also just work together very, very well.

Black Widow: Web of Intrigue which includes Marvel Fanfare #10-13, Bizarre Adventures #25, and Black Widow: The Coldest War, some older stories featuring Natasha.

THE DEEPER CUTS

I'd put down first Hawkeye & Mockingbird / Black Widow: Widowmaker as a recent series worth reading; the trade also collects Solo Avengers #16-18 in addition to Widowmaker #1-4. I don't think it really gets referenced in other places, but it's a fun collection of issues and I love the dynamic of these three together.

If you want to dig into the background of the character and her true comics origins, check out the old comics collected in Black Widow: The Sting of the Widow which include her first appearances, the introduction of her iconic costume (in Spider-man, actually), and her short run in Amazing Adventures (Tales of Suspense #52, Amazing Spider-Man #86, Amazing Adventures vol. 2 #1-8, Daredevil #81).

This is...kind of a weird one and also a mixed recommendation, but I will throw out there the semi-extracanonical Black Widow: Homecoming (Black Widow vol. 3, #1-6) and Black Widow: The Things They Say About Her (Black Widow 2 vol. 3, #1-6), apparently also now collected as Black Widow: Welcome to the Game, written by Richard K. Morgan (yes, the author of the book that inspired the Netflix show Altered Carbon) because while they are...not good in all ways they do hit some very specific notes for me in places.

Captain America & Black Widow is a short team-up run with Steve and Natasha that's enjoyable if a bit wacky (Captain America & Black Widow #636-640) from a period of time where there was just a series of Captain America team-ups as part of the Captain America run.

This is going to be a hard one because it's not collected anywhere as far as I can tell, but Marvel Knights #1-15 which was published in 2000-2001 as part of Marvel's street level gritty initiative thing (that actually produced some quite good comics). I tracked it down in single issues back in college and actually really loved it. Team book but Natasha is prominent.

If you can find Black Widow & the Marvel Girls (Black Widow & the Marvel Girls #1-4) it is a treasure of a miniseries but unfortunately very difficult, in my experience, to track down.

The Black Widow: Widowmaker collection pulls together an assortment of sort of random oneshots/short runs with some good stuff in there (mostly the thing that I like that is in this one and not in other collections on this list are Fear Itself: Black Widow #1, but it does also include with other material some of the other runs on this list - Black Widow vol. 4 #1-8, Black Widow: Deadly Origin #1-4, and Widowmaker #1-4).

Finally: there's The Champions, the short-lived team Natasha actually led back in the day which is pretty Silver Age but sometimes in an endearing way, and the arc collected in Daredevil: The Widow which is Natasha-centric (Daredevil #61-66) and good enough that I bought it even though I'm not a particular fan of Daredevil. But that might partly be because I really like Alex Maleev's art.

People recommend Black Widow: Deadly Origin but I am not personally a big fan. I'm putting it on here mostly so you have it and also so other people know I'm aware of it.

I'm not yet caught up on the most recent currently running series so I can't speak to recommending it or not.

if you really, really want more deep cuts, anon, I have some, uh, team runs and single issue appearances I'm very fond of personally, but that starts going way down the rabbit hole in a way that perhaps you do not want to.

[cuefog]

tog/khunbam fic rec

this is for @cannottranslate​ because you asked for it and i am grateful for the excuse to make a fic rec post

i expect this will be a long post so i’ll put it under read ↓ 

i’ll be leaving my own thoughts and comments under each fic (im sorry in advance for rambling too much)!! if you want the full summary and other info please click on the link provided lol

!!webtoon spoilers beware!!

♡ = one of my favourites

canon timeline

(these will be the ones that are set in the canon world and follow major plot events, even if there some changes in the details and relationships)

♡ deep sea blue by Feyren ♡

please read everything written by feyren!!!! lovely prose, wonderfully written khunbam emotional tension. khun braiding his beautiful hair accompanied by symbolism and perfectly crafted metaphor. bonus earrings.

♡ hollow moons by NoteInABottle ♡

please also read everything by noteinabottle!! equally lovely prose, wonderfully written khunbam emotional tension. khun wearing earrings and giving them to bam, accompanied by lots of symbolism and perfectly crafted metaphor. you could probably consider this a companion fic to feyren’s deep sea blue. both of these fics gave me a Thing for khun’s earrings (>_<;)``

take my hand (take my whole life too) by RadiantAshe

our dear ashe has written lots of great stuff but i think this is my favourite!! so much khunbam softness, very classic s3 vibes <33

Chestnuts at Nighttime by khunfounded (ongoing)

khun with a cat who loves him very much, and vice versa. that’s all the explanation you need. this fic overloads my heart with cute soft fluffy feelings!!! (bonus khun and bam dolls with little hands made of velcro so they can hold each other’s hands (ʘ‿ʘ✿) please i can’t take any more of this, somebody help my heart is gonna explode)

a thousand paths to you by LiannaAila

set during the time of khun’s coma. bam travels to a parallel universe and meets an alive and awake khun. this fic is exactly what it says it is and it’s so lovely <3

oh no he’s hot (and other earth-shattering revelations) by Bird_of_Dreams

tldr; bam being thirsty over khun

khun aguero agnis and his growing competency kink by chuuyaya

tldr; khun being thirsty over bam

motion by smokeandwaves (rated Explicit)

set during hell train, khunbam focused. this one is really popular in the fandom!! it’s well written, and if you consider smut a genre i would say this is the best one in the tog tag. lots of emotions, and a wonderful flow of feeling!! also it has a few sequel fics in the series, ‘obedience’ in particular being all about sub!khun,, which is,, (*ﾉωﾉ)

sometimes when i look into your eyes i pretend you're mine by agueros (minamis)

residents of the tower ship jue viole grace and khun aguero agnis and write fanfiction about them (i love these types of fics lmao)

From: Khun by AngrySheepProject  and To you who lies with my heart under the sea by Strawbellie666 (ongoing)

khun messaging bam’s pocket when he thought he was dead in s2

canon divergence + future canonverse

(future fics means it’s set in the future of the current canon, which at the nest arc rn)

♡ A World Without You by Breaking_Formation ♡

this one might be my favourite out of all of them. i know it says major character death but it happens in the beginning and there’s a promised happy ending so don’t worry!!! this one is a beautiful 20k word masterpiece.... seriously..... this fic is set after the nest arc, it has lots of Plot and plays around with the world and the lore of the Tower, so it’s already fascinating that way, but the real heart of the story is in the emotions!! if you love witnessing khun’s endless devotion to bam, this is the fic that shows you that devotion reflected right back at khun. it might bring you to tears :’)

♡ Our Hearts Are Made of Stars by Ruinous ♡ (ongoing)

out of the 5 or so other time travel au fics in the tog fandom, this one is definitely my favourite!! time travel aus are all super fun to read, but this one stood out to me especially because it hits all the right spots!! it’s written well and i love the level of foresight, and the emotions detailed into this, it really feels like the friendships and bonds are at the heart of this story and all the fighting stuff will turn out just fine, and everything will be ok :)

♡ enough by Feyren ♡

future fic, set in a cocktail party on the 87th floor. this is so well written!!!!! again, please just read everything written by feyren. the prose is wonderful and everything going on in this fic feels so well-crafted and carefully executed with just the right amount of subtlety in all the emotions. i think it’s gorgeous.

fire and ice by soundscape (ongoing)

set vaguely in the future. still ongoing, and the story feels like it’s just started, but very intriguing plot!! premise is people trying to separate khun from bam + the team trying to deal with shady fug plots

dig down deep by milkywxy (ongoing)

this one is a plotty one!! diverges from canon at the hidden floor arc. bam decides not to let rachel go with them. im super interested to see where this story goes!!

where the current leaves us by macrauchenia (ongoing)

this one is a Plotty one, still in the early stages of plot development but the premise is super interesting!! basically khun takes bam’s place in the bubble with rachel, during the administrator’s test on the 2nd floor. i’m excited to see where this story goes :D

special mentions for “bam climbs the tower” remix concept fics that you might like to check out (this is for you dango, since you said you like togverse canon divergence :D)

Moonlight by Shadow_to_rant (ongoing, khun meets bam in cave instead of rachel)

Timeless Existence by Jazebeth (Barrattiel) (ongoing, time travel au series)

Second Chance by Shadow_to_rant (ongoing, time travel au)

Never Let You Go by eternus (ongoing, time travel au)

Il Principe by euludey (ongoing, bam with different backstory/origins)

Night Never Falls by TripleTurtles (ongoing, au where rachel doesn’t succeed at pushing bam off the bubble on the 2nd floor)

Child of Arlene by MoodleNoodle (ongoing, bam is adopted by jahad before canon timeline)

au

♡ the king and his lionheart by chuuyaya ♡

khunbam royalty au with bam as king, khun as a genius war strategist. bonus pda in front of a whole courtroom. what more could you want?? this was soooo satisfying to read, i enjoyed it a lot :D (please also check out chuuyaya’s other fics if you like khunbam aus!!)

if there's anything in this life ive been waiting for (its you) by trueaguero (ongoing)

fascinating au where everyone is outside the tower and the tower is part of history. perhaps you could call this a “post-tower au” ?

if my heart was a house by The_Winged_Warrior

very cute magical fantasy au!! khun runs a potion shop and bam is an adventurer

aus are pretty self explanatory so i’ll put the rest in a list:

you are the magic in me by silverinerivers (ongoing, hogwarts au)

hope and legacy by chuuyaya (figure skating au)

♡ jump then fall (i'll catch you) by agueros (minamis) ♡ (figure skating au, consider it a prequel to ‘hope and legacy’, this is a beautiful 13k-word love letter to figure skating <3)

of social media and turtles by chuuyaya (celeb au with social media bits)

i am the last olympian by argenteas (percy jackson au)

who else is there to love but you? by khuns (college au, very soft pining!!)

Lucky coin by bothersomepotato (ongoing, college business majors au)

Greedy Turtles by Alien_ships (ongoing, on the surface it seems like just a pet shop au but there’s a lot of care and attention paid to the characters and relationship dynamics :D)

and i will come to you at every first snow by aguerobaam (khun is a magical doll in a toy store)

the heart heist by paused (ongoing, cyberpunk au)

khun special category

(it’s all about khun here)

♡ all the blue in the world won’t do, without you by NoteInABottle ♡ (ongoing)

multichapter fic set on khun eduan’s 111th floor!! if you’re too impatient to wait for the khun family arc, you should just read this fic. it’s still ongoing as of the time i made this post but it’s already looking to have all the elements i want out of a khun family arc. it’s written so so well too!! noteinabottle is one of my favourite tog authors :D

Brothers and sisters, I'm an atomic bomb by gleek_runner (ongoing series)

a wonderfully well written series of fics focusing on interactions between members of the khun family!!!! im just a sucker for the khun kids and im always starving for khun family content

He Wonders if He Still Breathes by Chocolatesandblood

khun and ran interactions!!

putting his resolve to the test. by soundscape

khun and hachuling interactions!!

Autumn Angel by XprincessxofxspadesX

khunbam meets maria and a series of complicated and fascinating interactions occurs. this was very nice to read ;w;

[burningdarkfire]

tagged by @saturdaysky​, thank you! always very happy to talk about writing 🤠

1) How many works do you have on AO3?

36 on ao3, with many others left in the past on livejournal or ffnet

2) What’s your total AO3 word count?

162k. it’s kind of a shame it doesn’t have the majority of my pre-2011 output as i never ported over my top four or five longest fics. i would’ve loved to see some genuine lifetime totals!

3) How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

9 on ao3 (critrole, nier, hetalia, overwatch, trc, voltron, no. 6, star wars, tiger & bunny). if you expand trc to include anything clamp and throw in code geass then that covers everything i’ve ever published, though homestuck is by far the fandom i have the most WIPs for despite never finishing a single one and deserves a shoutout

4) What are your top five fics by kudos?

take my hand / take my whole life too: critrole, 9k, how essek and caleb’s relationship evolves through touch

blue sky, warm sun: critrole, 3.5k, six mornings caleb wakes with essek

dark night, bright stars: critrole, 3k, six nights caleb spends with essek

kitty love: star wars, 1.5k, kylo ren forms a bond with hux’s cat millicent

the walls kept tumbling down: critrole, 2k, caleb spontaneously visits essek after a hard day

commentary and further answers are below the cut!

spots 1-3 on the list are gladly accepted, given that i also think they’re some of my best and most broadly-appealing shadowgast. kitty love gets its spot despite being pure, pointless crack because it’s for a huge fandom, which is fine and fun but i don’t have a lot of personal attachment to it

the walls kept tumbling down is a surprise! it was a self-indulgent “i want a fic exactly like this to fix my mood and instead of digging through the internet for one i’ll just make one up” that i only worked on for a couple of days. i’m glad it clicked for other people!

5) Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

i always try to respond to comments, although sometimes a week or two pass by before i can find the energy to sit down and do it

admittedly comments have gone unanswered during months or years when i’m not writing fic and then it feels too awkward to a) go back and respond, and b) respond to any further comments on the fic even if they come in when i’m active. so instead those comments haunt my ao3 inbox forever (oops)

i do appreciate every single one though, and there are some comments that i go back to read if i need a pick-me-up just because they were so nice 😊

6) What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

i’ll link my no. 6 fic forgive me because it still dominates my top fics in terms of hits despite being 387 words long. i wrote it in 2011 in less than half an hour, if i’m remembering correctly, and there are a few clever bits in it that i’m still quite proud of

7) Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

i don’t usually write or read “pure” crossovers but i do like fusion AUs where characters from one work are imported into the setting of another work

but it’s fandom-dependent. critrole has been an outlier in that i can count on one hand the number of AU fics i’ve read and liked enough to remember. some of my favourite canon-adjacent fics veer off wildly, but they’ve still got their roots in the universe

i’ve published 17 critrole fics myself and they’re all canon-adjacent. i’m only now working on my first fusion-type AU 🤷‍♂️

8) Have you ever received hate on a fic?

i have one distinct memory of receiving criticism on a fic. in hindsight, it was constructive and pretty fair, but i was a young teen and so it still haunts me

9) Do you write smut? If so what kind?

i do!! and i’m excited about it because it’s fairly new to me!

i write to the characters, and what kind of relationship i think they’d have, but it’s probably true that my interests tend towards certain relationship dynamics

10) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i’m aware of!

11) Have you ever had a fic translated?

yes, actually! this was about about a decade ago so sadly the details have been lost in the haziness of memory and the inaccessibility of ffnet. i tried to dig it up last night but couldn’t find it again 😔

12) Have you ever co-written a fic before?

i don’t ... think so? my current roommate and i tried co-writing when we were teenagers but none of that got published. it’s possible i’m forgetting something from my livejournal/early tumblr days because i remember doing a lot of ask games and challenges with other writers and fandom friends

now i’m just an introvert who avoids invites to discords because i feel like i simply Do Not Have Time so 🤡 not sure it’s anywhere on the horizon

13) What’s your all time favourite ship?

i used to have shipping walls and pairing lists until 2015 or so but i have since accepted that i am changeable like the wind. my interests come and go!

i am a multi-shipper though as a general rule. i’ve never had such a loyalty to a pairing that it would bother me to pair one half with someone else, and i also don’t care at all whether or not a ship is canon. it’s just about what’s interesting!

14) What’s a WIP you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

i’ve had remarkably sequential focus for my critrole fics and finished nearly every idea i’ve had so far. however, this ACME AU is testing me lol and i’ve spent so much time on it that my list of other ideas to write is only getting longer and longer. nothing is abandoned yet, because not much else has even been started, but i am starting to sweat a little

15) What are your writing strengths?

i love my writing style! i value simplicity and clarity: no flowery descriptions, easy words, few similes, little variance in sentence structures, etc. it can vary, based on my mood or the characters i’m writing, but i like doing more with less

i’ve spent years working at my own style and it is so satisfying to read something i wrote in 2011 and feel how familiar it still is while being able to pick out what i would change

16) What are your writing weaknesses?

recently, it’s been plot. if it can’t be conveyed by 2-4 characters talking to each other then i don’t know how to do it anymore 😭 i’m most invested in emotional resolutions, but it’s probably a good idea to have things happen sometimes!

17) What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

i really do not enjoy this when it’s used as a “character quirk”. this includes nicknames, common phrases even if they are spoken that way in canon, and .. everything, really, that’s in a different language

i’ve spent a lot of time in spaces where it seemed widely agreed that doing so was not welcome, and i’ve had considerable fandom “culture shock” reading critrole fics. there are plenty of reasons to have caleb speaking “zemnian” or to emphasize his accent, and those reasons don’t need to be lofty or deep, but i do think there should be a reason beyond “haha this guy says ja instead of yeah”

i promise, absolutely pinky swear, that i don’t judge anyone on an individual basis for doing this. it seems to be a deep-seated fandom trend in this case and i just wish it wasn’t

18) What was the first fandom you wrote for?

tsubasa reservoir chronicle (trc) all the way back in 2010. tsubasa, my beloved, how you changed my life 💕

19) What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

i like different ones for different reasons, but the top contender might be such is the endlessness for nier automata. it’s a vampire/werewolf enemies-to-lovers fusion AU where i put 2b and 9s in an original universe of mine that i wrote about a lot when i was a teenager

i feel like i did a spectacular job of adapting the universe for nier and i thought i conveyed a lot about the world in a relatively short number of words (the entire fic is just under 5k). i’ve considered more than once that i should use this version of the universe going forward because i enjoy it so much!

-

thanks again for the tag, sky, and i’ll leave this open to anyone else who wants to try as i think most of my mutuals have already been included. don’t be shy about tagging me in your answer if you take my open invite as i love reading these! 💖

[always-and-forever-a-killjoy]

Coming Home Chapter 2

Hello fuckers I know I promised this chapter yesterday but then I fell asleep because I was incredibly exhausted. So I'm posting it today because I deserve it Also, the song for the last chapter was Revolution Radio by Green Day, which no one guessed! I'll give you a hint for this chapter- it's very far off from Green Day or My Chemical Romance.

Title: Coming, Coming Home

Chapter Title: Cause I’m with you this time

Chapter Wordcount: 3333

Chapter Summary:

Cherri Cola settles into living with Dr. Death Defying and White Lily, figures out that someone actually cares about him, and makes some reckless decisions.

Warnings: implied/referenced past abuse, referenced past misgendering, light panic/anxiety attack, non-graphic/canon-typical violence and injury, uhhh i *think* that's it? (If you want to know what parts to skip, go to the end notes on AO3- I also put a brief summary of any important info in those parts. Stay safe!)

Taglist: @wishiwasthemoon-tonight @sleevesareforlosers @stressed-depressed-emo-mess @tasteofamnesia @dagger-queen​ @no-braincells-here @piratecherricola (message me, send an ask, or reblog/reply to one of my posts if you want to be added or removed)

AO3 Link

Chapter 1 AO3 Link

Chapter 1 Tumblr Post

(Actual fic under the cut)

It took a few months for Cherri to really settle in to living with the other two. He was younger than them, and lacked the shared experience of fighting in the Helium Wars. But all three of them had the shared understanding of having grown up too fast, the pain and weariness in the other’s eyes mirroring his exactly. Not to mention that running a pirate radio station and attempting to spark a rebellion did tend to bond people. Having each others’ backs in firefights, fixing the radio equipment together, and eating their meals as a group only aided that process.

So 109 WKIL slowly got off the ground, heading into the sky just as promised. Their transmitter was fairly decent, and so their range was large even if few listeners were tuning in right now. But the rebellion grew daily, neutrals and Battery City folk abandoning a more peaceful life under the hand of Better Living Industries for the wild world of a killjoy. White Lily spoke over the radio at least weekly, encouraging them to fight, to not let themselves be squashed under bli’s heel. 

“Power is not given, but taken. If you hate oppression, you better be ready to fight against the oppressor and give it everything you’ve got.” 

Cherri was sitting in his usual spot under the broadcast desk, making sure that all the equipment was running smoothly as White Lily spoke above him. Her voice didn’t have the deep, gravelly weight of D’s, but the fire in it was inspiring. There had always been something about White Lily that made people want to follow her, D had told him. Some spark in her spirit that kindled fires in others, bringing them together under her leadership. 

“Better Living may have bombs, and gas, and more ray guns than we can dream of getting our grubby little killjoy paws on. But we have something they can never replace: spirit. You can’t make a fiery heart with pills and white walls. They can take our bodies, shoot us full of plasma and throw us to the wolves. But they can never touch our spirit. Never. We will rise again, as many times as they try to throw us down.

"The spirit of the desert is something they can’t kill with any amount of laser beams. Any size of bomb, any number of exterminators. None of it will squash our spirit, and that’s what makes us invincible. As long as a single killjoy rises to fight, Better Living Industries cannot win. So get out there, crash queens! Get your vehicles, motorbabies. Angel kissers, grab your med kits, and kerosene saints, your matches. We’ve got a corporation to overthrow, and we’re not stopping at just nipping at their heels. Killjoys, it’s time to make some noise!”

She clicked off the radio. “How was that?”

“Good,” Cherri told her. “Inspiring. Makes you want to fistfight an exterminator.” 

“Oh good, that’s what I was hoping for.” Lily paused. “No fistfighting exterminators though, that’s a bad idea.”

“You can’t stop me.”

“Oh yes I can,” Lily laughed. She was still grinning as she reached to help Cherri out from under the desk, a grin both achingly close and achingly far to one he remembered. There were days when she looked so much like his sister it hurt, not in her features but in the way she laughed and her teasing grin as she and D bantered back and forth. 

Cherri tried not to think about it as he pulled himself to his feet. “And how do you plan on stopping me?”

“Hmm…I think I shall tackle you.”

“Then what?”

“Make D lecture you nonstop until you fall asleep.”

Cherri laughed as they headed back into the house. "Good luck with that."

So far, they hadn’t had to move the van from its position in front of their home in Zone Four, but all of them knew it was only a matter of time before bli would be breathing down their necks.

“We have some time,” D said that evening. “Our signal will be hard to track, and we don’t have a wide enough reach to be a threat to Better Living Industries yet.”

“We’re getting there, though,” Lily commented, digging around for the last bit of power pup in her can. 

“True, we’ve got a lot more listeners now than we did before.” Cherri was already finished with his, playing with his dented spoon and reflecting the sunlight across the room idly. “It’s going to be hard to stay hidden for long, not when the other killjoys whisper about our station and spread the word between themselves.”

“The more people who know, the easier it is for Better Living to find us,” D agreed. “Of course, we need people to know so they’ll tune in, but we’ll have to be careful as we get larger.”

“Careful, careful, you’re always careful.” Lily leaned back in her chair, setting down her spoon. “I’m not saying we abandon all caution, but there’s going to be risks running a rebellion. A lot of the time, we’ll just have to decide if they’re worth taking.”

Cherri nodded, still examining the spoon. “And a lot of the time they will be.”

“Didn’t know you were such a daredevil, Cher.” He made to glare at Lily, but she went on. “You’re right though. Everything’s a risk, and we’re going to have to take a lot of them.”

“I don’t like that,” D put in.

“None of us do, except maybe Cherri the daredevil over here. But we’re doing it.”

“We’re doing it,” D agreed tiredly. 

“I’m not a fucking daredevil,” Cherri muttered. That was….mostly true. Risk for the sake of risk wasn’t exactly his thing, but risk for any other sake was. As long as only his life was at risk, it was a risk worth taking. He figured, at least.

“You’re pretty fucking daring, Cher.”

“Only risks that are worth it, though.” He pretended not to see the two older ‘joys exchange glances. 

-

True to their predictions, the rebellion grew. Their radio was a contributing factor, Cherri hoped. It certainly seemed to have grown in popularity as more killjoys entered the desert and more neutrals lay down their peaceful ways and took up arms alongside the killjoys. WKIL was something whispered about in killjoy circles, told to the newbies, the undergrads of the desert.

Cherri knew because he was the one who went and talked with them, the lesser-known face. Everyone recognized at very least the voices of D and Lily by now, the two radio speakers who rallied the rebels, but Cherri Cola was not a name whispered in legend yet. He was just a sixteen year old with a shitty ray gun and a bad haircut, which had advantages and disadvantages. 

One of the advantages was the ability to go talk to random people and be seen as relatively harmless, just a teen with a bright pink mask. There was nothing about him to suggest that he was an incredible shot with a ray gun or a dangerous fighter, not in the slightest. He wore oversized clothes and perpetually looked disheveled, so he had been told. And if you didn’t look too closely at his eyes, you wouldn’t even see the fire in them. 

So Cherri used that hidden advantage, appearing perfectly harmless to anyone who didn’t know him well. It was helpful for White Lily and Dr. Death Defying, since neither of them could go anywhere where there were a lot of rebels without being recognized.

And the rebellion grew and grew. Their voices were growing louder, their colors brighter even as Better Living Industries tried to squash them down. The spirit of the desert truly was rising, and a faint sense of hope had started to permeate the air. White Lily never promised that they would win. But she promised that Better Living Industries wouldn’t, so long as a single killjoy stood, and that was enough for most of the desert. 

They were teenagers, mainly. The bulk of the force that was forming the current rebellion was either teenagers, running from their pasts in Battery City, or twenty-something former soldiers of the Helium Wars, running from what they had done or trying to put it right. They were young and invincible, so it seemed. The reality that they could easily die doing this hadn’t sunk in for most of the younger population of the desert, intoxicated on freedom and the thrill of the desert.

D and Lily knew that reality all too well, Cherri knew. He knew they knew what all of them were up against, had watched death in their own right in the Helium Wars, had wrought it with their own hands. 

He knew what the consequences were too, a memory of bli employees in clean white suits coming to respectfully ‘recruit’ the person he loved most hovering behind a door in his mind. That door would remain closed, Cherri had decided. The past was the past- but he fought because of it anyways, knowing the horrors Better Living Industries had done.

Cherri might have been young, but he was no fool. He knew quite well that he could die, and he couldn’t be bothered to give a fuck, as Lily would put it. There were things more important than living to some grand old age, and this rebellion was one of them.

He would be lying to himself if he said that some part of him wasn’t in this for revenge, maybe a larger part than he was willing to admit. 

“If you take away someone’s world, they might just burn yours down,” Cherri muttered to himself, aiming his shitty old ray gun at the empty cans Lily had set up that day. Despite how long he had already been out here, they still hadn’t managed to locate him a better weapon. That was fine, he thought, he was deadly enough even without one, but D and Lily both insisted that it would be a lot easier for him with something that wasn’t outdated by at least three years. 

“What?” Cherri jumped as D came to stand next to him, aiming his own black and blue ray gun at the cans. “Did you say something, Cherri?”

“Oh, uh. Nothing.”

D shrugged, tilting his head to take aim. “You don’t have to tell me, I just figured I’d ask in case you were trying to tell me something.”

Cherri lowered his ray gun, glancing down. “I said if you take away someone’s world, they might just burn yours down.”

“Ah. True, and insightful.” Cherri didn’t have to glance over at D to know his face would be gently concerned. “Somewhat dark though, you could say.”

“Guess so.”

They were silent for a moment, apart from the zap of ray guns.

“Pasts are something to be forgotten here,” D said finally. “But if you need someone to talk to about yours, Lily and I will support you.”

“Thanks.”

“I mean it, you know.”

Cherri fiddled with his ray gun. “Yeah.”

“Just putting that out there.” D turned back to their target practice.

- 

Despite D’s words, there was a silent agreement amongst the three of them that pasts were not to be spoken of or asked about. Occasionally, D or Lily would tell a few stories, mainly from their childhood. They rarely talked about the Helium Wars, only occasionally with each other. And Cherri said nothing about his past. Instead, he pretended not to notice the days when the other two flinched at any loud sound, and they pretended not to hear him cry out in the night, when everything was silent and there was no buffer against the memories. It was a courtesy more than anything, a way to keep each other from having to speak about their darkest times. Usually, Cherri appreciated that, finding it easier to deal with any hurt alone than worry about burdening the others.

Tonight, however, was different. No matter how much he tried to calm himself down, his breath kept coming too quickly and he couldn’t drown out the voices of his past. Worthless, never going to amount to anything…should be more like Samantha…your grades are slipping again…never going to be a boy…

Cherri shivered violently, even though the blanket was tucked safely over him, and climbed off the window seat he had been using as a sort of bed, picking up said blanket. It was cold in the desert at night, no use leaving it behind. 

It took him more rests of leaning against the wall and trying frantically to draw a single breath than he wanted to admit before he was down the hall to the room D and Lily had claimed. Their door was cracked open, but Cherri pushed it open a little bit further to see both of them seemingly sleeping peacefully as he stood in the doorway.

“Cher?” That was White Lily, lifting her head a bit from the mattress. “Everything okay?”

He managed to shake his head, and she gestured for him to come sit. 

“What’s going on, friendo?”

“Bad dream,” Cherri whispered.

“Ah. Those are no fun. Wanna talk about it?”

“Not really.”

Lily nodded as if to say that didn’t surprise her, and she looked dreadfully like someone he used to know in that moment. “Come on then, lay on down. D won’t mind if you elbow him, he gets up at ass o’clock in the morning anyways.”

Cherri was quite certain D would, in fact, mind, but he did as she asked anyways, settling down on the creaky mattress. Lily put her arm out in what was clearly an offer, but didn’t touch him until he rolled over towards her. When he did, she wrapped her arm around him fully, pulling him closer, and Cherri felt like he could breathe for the first time since waking up. 

Lily didn’t say ‘I love you’ or anything of the sort, but she did ruffle his hair and give him a quiet “Goodnight, Cher.”

And Cherri didn’t say ‘I love you’ either, but he leaned into her embrace. “Goodnight, Lily.”

-

True to Lily’s words, it was, in fact, what Cherri would qualify as ‘ass o’clock in the morning’ when D woke up and proceeded to wake the other two up while getting out of bed.

“Is it even light out?” Cherri questioned as Lily gave a massive yawn.

“No, which is why D’s being an asshole.”

“I didn’t mean to wake you up, Lil. Or you, Cherri.” He didn’t question why Cherri was there, much to Cherri’s relief.

“You did anyways,” Lily grumbled, but she released Cherri and sat up. “I guess it would be time to get up soon anyways.”

“Exactly,” D huffed.

Lily just yawn-laughed as she got up, and Cherri reluctantly followed the others downstairs. They had quick breakfast in the predawn light, followed by a bit of fussing around as they got ready for D’s morning broadcast, organizing all the news and things that had come in yesterday. Killjoys had started to send them news of the desert, to the point where they got almost as much from what people sent in/dropped off/radioed to them as what Cherri found out on his almost daily runs. It was starting to pass what he could find out on daily runs, really. But he went anyways because they still needed his info, and they needed to eat.

“Bye, Lily, D!” 

“See you, Cherri,” Lily hollered back. “Be careful!”

“I will!”

The three of them split the tasks that living in the desert and running a radio station required. Today, D and Lily were taking the radio station van to drive around and talk to people, encourage them to join the cause. Cherri was taking the motorcycle to get any news and see if he couldn’t grab some power pup from a supply truck.

He sped down the road, getting in position to raid the supply truck. A one-killjoy raid was a dumb idea, for sure, but Better Living Industries hadn’t started to arm their trucks very heavily yet, and Cherri was confident enough in his ability to think he could pull it off. This was a small one, anyways. The initial raid went off without a hitch- the driver and few accompanying dracs were dead before they had time to see the teenage killjoy who hurried down from the dune to pull out as much of the contents of the truck as would fit in the sidecar of the motorbike. It was afterwards that became the problem, as a full two cars of bli employees came rushing towards the site.

“Fuck,” Cherri hissed under his breath. He quickly assessed his odds. One teenager with a shitty ray gun and a motorcycle against what must be at least one scarecrow and probably at least eight dracs was not good odds, but he doubted running away would be any better. They would chase him down, and then he wouldn’t even have the advantage of his higher vantage point. Hiding wasn’t an option either, given that dracs would search the entire area, so Cherri crouched behind the motorcycle and got ready to fire.

When the first person hopped out of the car, Cherri almost swore out loud. Not a scarecrow. An exterminator. He was so fucked. 

Cherri’s hands shook slightly as he lifted the ray gun and aimed. He had to take down that exterminator as soon as possible, or he was dead. The shakiness proved his undoing, as the shot whistled past the exterminator, missing by barely half an inch and causing the Better Living operative to turn.

Fuck it. Cherri got out from behind the motorcycle and ran directly towards them, firing off shots indiscriminately. His best shot now was to overwhelm and confuse them. It seemed to be working, given that one thing they did not expect was a teenager in a bright pink mask to come running directly at them. In fact, most of the dracs froze, enough that he was able to get in a few good shots before they realized what was happening. One shot even hit the exterminator in the shoulder, but unfortunately not their shooting arm, leaving them perfectly capable of raising their gun to retaliate. 

Retaliate they did, and Cherri screamed as a shot hit him in the side. “Fuck! Fuck you!” He was shaking too hard to shoot back as the exterminator held up a hand, quite calmly.

All the dracs stopped, and the exterminator strolled casually towards Cherri. “Greetings, rebel.”

Cherri spit at their feet. 

“Rather rude of you, wasn’t that? I’m tempted to kill you here, you ill-mannered rebel scum.” They reached out and tilted Cherri’s chin up to look them in the eye, letting him see the cold fire that lingered there. 

“Get fucked,” Cherri spat out as they took his ray gun from a shaking hand and tossed it over their shoulder. 

“I do appreciate the suggestion, but I suggest you keep your mouth shut if you want to live.”

Their ray gun was positioned at his neck, and Cherri knew he had a low chance of surviving even a stun shot to that spot at such a close distance.

“I would kill you now, ill-mannered rebel, but I think I’ll let you live for one reason and one reason only- I want you to go to that ‘Doctor D’ and his friend White Lily, and tell them they will not win. We will find the radio station you killjoys speak of, we know your precious leader is hiding out in Zone Four. So go, tell them. And pray you survive that shot.”

They shoved Cherri, and he stumbled away, ignoring the pain in his side as he climbed onto the motorcycle. He revved the engine, throwing it into action and barely caring if some of the supplies fell out of the sidecar. 

The exterminator watched him go with a cruel smile.

[dungeondivebar]

Dungeon Dive Bar Crawl - Heck Knights In Space!

As we announced last week, we’ll be running a 24 hour stream for Extra Life on November 6 and 7! Check out that link for some more information on the stream and how to tune in.

Each Friday until the event itself, we’ll be publishing an interview with the GM of one of the adventures along with other material to get everybody super jazzed for the stream.

This week we’re talking to Megan, though you may know me better as Retha ;)

How long have you played TTRPGs in general? About five years now. I'd heard a lot about them beforehand, but could never find a group because no one in my tiny hometown was a nerd like me. Finally, in my freshman year of college, I found a group of nerd friends, including Alex, and started a D&D game. 5e was pretty brand-new at that point, so we started in 4e and then changed over not long after.

What is your favorite thing about TTRPGs overall? I love the character design. I'll usually start with a build and work out the concept as I go, but as I build further I usually find the character's personality solidifying in my head, and it's only a matter of time before they have a specific appearance, too. I'm an artist, after all. 

How long have you played Pathfinder and Starfinder in particular? I've been playing Starfinder basically since it was released. I was barely familiar with Pathfinder at the time; I'd played a game with some friends that fell apart after about four sessions, and at the time I wasn't a fan of all the rules and options. Starfinder seemed a bit more reasonable on the options side of things, though, since it was brand new.

I came over to Pathfinder via the lore. I've always been interested in divine casters, and I took an interest in the gods of Pathfinder as they were represented in Starfinder. It's a long story, but I started writing a Starfinder fanfic that had me digging deep into Pathfinder lore, and eventually I got interested enough to actually try to play the game, theorycraft some builds, and get involved in the community of a certain other Pathfinder podcast.

Have you ever been the GM of a campaign or module before? I'm not quite a "forever GM," but I have GM'd a lot. My GMing resumé includes a D&D 4e homebrew that turned into a 5e homebrew, a 2-year Starfinder homebrew, a running play-by-post of the Runelords trilogy, Against the Aeon Throne twice (plus a follow-up homebrew adventure one of those times), an attempt at Hell's Vengeance, a rewrite of Tyrant's Grasp for an all-divine party, the Pathfinder 2e adventure Agents of Edgewatch, and countless one-offs. (Notable one-offs included an all-Shelynite party braving Nidal and a tournament of universes where characters from the Forgotten Realms, Eberron, and Golarion came together to fight Tiamat.)

What is your favorite part of being a GM? Getting to make up my own stories or add my own elements to prewritten ones, and ultimately, getting to decide what system we're playing, though if we're doing a long-term campaign the players get some say in this too. I love setting up opportunities for roleplay. I also like seeing what characters people bring to the table, especially when they have a lot of backstory I can work into the campaign.

What will you be running for the Dungeon Dive Bar Crawl? Can you tell us a bit about it? I'm running a homebrew scenario I've temporarily called "Heck Knights In Space." As the name might suggest, I required all the other players to be Hellknights for this game, which mostly just translates to lawful-aligned in Starfinder, since there's only one archetype for it and I didn't want to force everyone to take it. I don't want to spoil anything for the players if they happen to be reading this, but the module's premise is centered around exploring an abandoned Hellknight Citadel that's been broken into and involves both starship and ground combat.

What are you most excited about when it comes to Heck Knights in Space? Getting the chance to combine two of my favorite things-- Starfinder and Hellknights. As far as the module's content goes, there are some enemies that I've been wanting to use for a while now, as well as some I built myself.

Why do you like Hellknights so much? 

...In all seriousness, though, I'm a very lawful person IRL, and also an edgelord. I first read about Hellknights in the Starfinder Pact Worlds book, and basically instantly fell in love. On a deeper level, I'm intrigued by the different Orders and their different philosophies-- I definitely don't like all of them. You've got everything ranging from a group of detectives whose specific objective is to take out bad-faith actors, to a group of bounty hunters that operate across multiple star systems while using their codes as protection from those systems' own enforcement organizations, to a group whose main "thing" is finding new and improved ways to summon devils and work infernal magic. And they all operate under the same overarching codes, the Measure and the Chain, with what I can only imagine are vastly different interpretations.

What do you like the most about the Starfinder system? The lore! The flavor! Watching people try to come up with a balanced party for starship combat (or not try, and then just utterly fail in starship combat... I’ve had that happen in a few Society games, oof) is always a good show. Building my own enemies to fit the campaign is always fun too, especially boss enemies.

Can you explain how starship combat works for the viewers? Screams internally well here goes nothing. PCs operate from within a starship and choose a role on the ship. The only part of their character build that's really relevant to what they're doing is the skill modifier they're using for that role. It usually becomes a team effort, though, because it's a collaborative game.

There's different phases in which different roles operate, though the captain and chief mate can operate in any phase they need to.

Engineering phase is first, and gives ships' engineers and magic officers a chance to repair any damaged systems or boost operational ones to give a bonus to anyone using them this turn.

Next is the helm phase, where pilots roll off for initiative. It's a bit like Star Wars X-Wings in how it handles initiative: the lower roll actually goes first, because whoever acts second has the positioning advantage. (I think at one point Paizo admitted that X-Wings inspired them). Also in the helm phase, the science officer can scan the enemy ship to gain info about it, or can move your shields around to defend the firing arc the enemy ship is facing.

Finally, there's the gunnery phase, where ships attack each other. Obviously, the gunners act during this phase.

It sounds really complicated, but it's easy enough to understand once you get going, as long as you understand what your role can do!

What do you think players are the most excited about? Depends on the player. I know David is super excited about the starship combat system. Alex is more interested in ground combat; he has a technomancer build he's been theorycrafting for a while. Sam is excited about the huge variety of race options; last I heard he was trying to make fetch shakalta happen. Though if that doesn't work, we might see a familiar face…

What do you think our viewers will enjoy the most? If my brother-in-law is any indication, the callbacks to a specific group of Hellknights in Pathfinder will be pretty fun. ;) 

And that’s it for this week’s interview! Tune in starting at 9PM Central on Friday November 6 for the stream and in the meantime, join us at the bar for new Dungeon Dive Bar episodes every Monday at midnight Central!

[plays-the-thing]

Netflix’s Witcher: What Makes a Good Adaptation? – A companion piece

If you’ve somehow found this without seeing the video first, here’s a link:

In this video I analyze the screen adaptations of Lord of the Rings, A Song of Ice and Fire, and the Witcher series. I use the comparisons of the three to discuss what makes adaptations in general work and to explain why I feel the Witcher is heading down the road to mediocrity.

However, this is a hugely complicated subject, and the works themselves are also complex, especially Martin’s work. I make plenty of claims in the video that a reasonable person could disagree with without any explanation for why I think they are true. Unfortunately, if I were to go down every rabbit hole that I touch on the video would be hours long, so I have to gloss over some potentially confusing or controversial statements.

Enter this post. Here I will be attempting to pre-empt any questions that I think people may have, and go through my thought process on certain claims. I don’t recommend that you read the whole thing. Each explanation will be followed by a timestamp and relevant quote from the video that I am expanding upon so that you can quickly search the page and find what you are looking for.

 I’m sure there will be things I don’t think to cover, or things that are poorly reasoned both here and in the video, so feel free to ask additional questions. Just please check to make sure you aren’t asking something that I already covered here.

 I will also be attempting to give as much credit as possible to all the wonderful writers and creators who have influenced my thinking with regards to these works. I’ll be linking as much as possible to my sources, as well as to additional content that expands on ideas I mention. Also I’ve included some personal tidbits and commentary, just for fun.

 Under a cut for length.

INTRODUCTION:

Huge props to the people who put together the behind-the-scenes footage of LOTR. I’ve watched all the bonus footage numerous times in my life. If you have any interest in the nitty-gritty of how movies get made, I can’t recommend it enough. It really shows all the work and complexity that goes into making movies. That they even get made at all is honestly incredible, especially massive undertakings like LOTR.

[3:30] And if you've ever wondered what the hell happened to The Hobbit, to me it seemed like they were indulging all of these worst impulses instead of catching themselves and editing them out like they did in LOTR.

As soon as I saw that they were making three Hobbit movies my hopes plummeted. It just reeked of executive meddling, and of trying to make the story into something it just isn’t. Lo and behold, that’s what we got: sticking in loads of unnecessary and thematically incoherent material to stretch out the runtime and make it more “epic.” I couldn’t bring myself to watch past the first one, but Lindsay Ellis has an excellent video series exploring in detail what went wrong with the trilogy.

PART ONE: LORD OF THE RINGS

[8:40] If you followed the events and the chronology of the book they would just hang out with Faramir for a little bit and then the movie would end

Technically it’s more complicated than this because that’s already following the revised movie timeline. In reality, Frodo would have just left the Black Gate. They *are* moving the events around to some extent, usually by a few of days here and there, but they can’t move stuff together that takes place weeks apart or the whole timeline would crumble.

[9:55] You can call it the theme, the soul, the spirit, the point, or whatever else you want, but the great works of fiction have something at their core that pulls everything together and elevates it into art. It’s a difficult thing to describe, but I think this scene perfectly tapped into the soul of Tolkien’s work.

Huge shout out to Bob Case and his video “Blame of Thrones” for first introducing me to this concept and the language of the “spirit” of a work to describe this phenomenon. In many ways the first two parts of this video are merely building on the LOTR-GOT comparison that he makes in that video, digging a little deeper and looking at more specific and concrete (and spoileriffic) examples of what he’s talking about so that we can apply these ideas to the Witcher…and beyond. Like all his work, it’s excellent. His YouTube is pretty much inactive these days, but he also occasionally writes content for Shamus Young’s blog if you want more of his work.

PART TWO: GAME OF THRONES

Alright, here it is: the section that really caused me to want to make this companion piece. Earlier I mentioned that I have sympathy for the GoT showrunners, and I really do. Martin’s work is incredibly complex, and so this section dominates the blogpost because there is so much to explain and no way that I could explain it all in the video without incredible bloat.

First I should mention that I, and all the writers I am going to credit here, share a very specific interpretation of Martin’s work. This isn’t the only interpretation. I doubt it’s the interpretation of the majority of readers. Obviously, I fully believe it is the correct interpretation, but the showrunners clearly had a wildly different one.

People who have this interpretation express it in different ways. Joannalannister collects hers in her tag #the-meaning-of-asoiaf. PoorQuentyn expresses it here, and in his analysis of Davos, Quentyn, and Tyrion. Other writers express it in their own ways.

With my lit degree hanging over my head, I can’t help but see it as a problem of competing artistic movements. To me, HBO’s Game of Thrones is part of the art movement of the past few decades, namely postmodernism. Art movements are complex, but basically postmodernism is the cynical reaction to the sincerity of modernism which came before it. Cynicism is, I think, the defining trait of Game of Thrones.

But it is NOT the defining trait of the books. In my view, Martin’s ASOIAF is part of the art movement that we are moving towards, which is starting to become known as metamodernism. Metamodernism is a reaction to the nihilistic pessimism and cynicism of postmodernism, and replaces it not with the unbridled sincerity of modernism, but rather oscillation between the two modes. It can be both ironic and sincere, deconstructionist and constructionist, apathetic and affectual. Once you have peeled back all the layers however, it is ultimately hopeful and optimistic. It embraces a sense of radical optimism. In metamodernist works optimism is often radical because the world the characters live in can be so dark. But that darkness serves only to highlight those characters that can hold fast to virtue amidst such darkness.

So, be warned. If you believe that Martin’s work is all about controlling the Iron Throne, and believe that cynicism is for the wise and honor is for fools, we just aren’t going to see eye to eye.

[12:45] Ned is a competent northern politician who has some trouble adapting to southern culture. Through a combination of bad luck, some understandable mistakes, and a misconception about his position, he fails in his goals.

The show didn’t invent the idea of Stupid Honorable Ned. Plenty of people believed this, even before the show. Obviously I believe they are wrong. If you would like to read more about it I would suggest Steven Attewell’s analysis of Ned’s chapters that he does on his blog, particularly Eddard XI and Eddard XIII. Steven does a much better job of analyzing Ned as a political actor than I ever could.

[13:00] Most of these changes are subtle…the best example is the council debate about whether or not to assassinate Daenerys.

Many of the ideas in this section are pulled from two essays by turtle-paced: Poor Doomed Ned and The Argument to Assassinate Daenerys. Turtle goes deep into the details of the differences between the Ned Stark of the books and the show, and I skimmed some of their comparisons for my argument. Steven Attewell’s analysis of this chapter is also worth reading.

[14:09] It’s a good argument, and I think in the books we are expected to mostly agree with Ned, both morally and politically.

When I say “expected” I mean from the authors point of view, which of course relies on me being correct about my interpretation of Martin’s work. Obviously I think I’m right, but if you don’t agree with my interpretation you may not agree with this statement.

[14:16] Notice also that the supporters of the assassination: Littlefinger, Varys, Renly, and Pycelle are all villains (all except Pycelle are trying to destabilize the kingdom), and the people who oppose it, Ned and Barristan, are heroes.

Each of them represents a different sort of evil. Littlefinger is a scheming sociopathic villain. Varys is a well-intentioned extremist whose willingness to commit utterly heinous acts in the pursuit of his goals makes him a villain. This is because, as Huxley puts it, “The end cannot justify the means, for the simple and obvious reason that the means employed determine the nature of the ends produced.”  Renly is narcissistic ambitious evil, willing to throw a realm into war to satisfy his own ego, and is totally uncaring about the lives of other people. It isn’t precisely correct to say that Pycelle is a villain because he represents the banality of evil. He thinks he’s just doing his job, but he’s morally bankrupt and politically corrupt.

[16:40] It would take too long to list all the ways that Tywin is awful, and everyone knows it.

To clarify, I mean that everyone in-universe knows it. For some god-forsaken reason, some readers seem to think that Tywin was just being effective after he unleashed the Mountain on the Riverlands and violated every military and political norm in Westeros.

If you are going to say that he is “Machiavellian” I would encourage you to actually read The Prince, where Machiavelli says “Nevertheless a prince ought to inspire fear in such a way that, if he does not win love, he avoids hatred” and goes into the reasons why.

[17:17] Tywin on the other hand accomplished a lot of short-term gains by being as treacherous and dishonorable as possible. But this has a cost: by proving themselves fair-weather allies they surround themselves with the same. Nobody trusts them, and so their allies scheme and betray them.

Oberyn and Doran are both scheming in their own way to revenge themselves on the Lannisters for the deaths of Elia and her children. The Tyrells poison Joffrey and scheme to spirit Sansa away to Highgarden.

[17:36] Ned failed due to a couple of minor mistakes, some bad luck, and treachery.

I mention a few times that Ned, and more broadly the Starks, get “unlucky.” Again, Steven Attewell does an excellent job of documenting this with his keen eye for how GRRM cheats political realities, but I’ll note a few of the many ways George has to bend over backward to screw the Starks.

In AGoT Catelyn leaves King’s Landing roughly around the same time that Tyrion leaves the wall, and both are on horseback. In order for them to meet at the Inn at the Crossroads Tyrion has to travel roughly 2,000 miles in the same time that Catelyn travels 400 miles. This is basically impossible, but necessary for the plot so that Catelyn can lose Tyrion at the Eyrie. If she had caught him somewhere further north she could have simply chucked him into her own dungeons and managed his trial herself.

Cersei has been trying to kill Robert for goodness knows how long with just as unreliable methods as “get him drunk on a hunt.” In order for Ned to get screwed she has to succeed in killing Robert at precisely that moment. If it had failed like every one of her other attempts she is most likely dead, because Ned would tell Robert the truth about her children as soon as he got back.

In order for Theon to take Winterfell, veteran military man and castellan Ser Rodrik Cassell has to stupidly empty the Winterfell garrison while he knows that Ironborn raiders are running loose in the North, not even leaving behind a mere twenty-five to fifty men that would have completely thrashed Theon’s assault. If Theon can’t take Winterfell, the Red Wedding doesn’t happen (as Martin has told us that the real inciting incident of the Red Wedding was the fall of Winterfell).

[17:41] However, killing him was a terrible idea, and backfired on the Lannisters instantly.

Continuing this theme, the Lannisters were in an absolutely horrible position at the beginning of the War of the Five Kings. They pretty much just have their bannerman in the Westerlands. Stannis seems to have the support of most of the Crownlands, and he and Renly are splitting the lords of the Reach and the Stormlands (with Renly having the larger chunk). The Starks have all the support of the North and the Riverlands combined. The Lannisters are surrounded by enemies who outnumber them on all sides. Killing Ned immediately jumpstarts a war that will almost certainly crush the Lannisters. That it didn’t took some very thin plotting and improbable developments at times, but overall George made it work. For more analysis of this, again check out Steven Attewell Blog: Race for the Iron Throne.

[17:48] Tywin was killed by both a guest whom he considered his ally, and his son.

I firmly believe Oberyn poisoned Tywin. Here’s a good rundown of the evidence. Beyond simple means, motive, and opportunity it also provides neat answers to lingering odd questions like why Tywin rotted so oddly and aggressively, why Tyrion knew he would find him in the privy, why Oberyn was willing to chuck his life away for a confession before seeming to have secured revenge against Tywin.

It’s also thematically juicy. I love the idea that Tywin, who so egregiously violated Westerosi norms culminating in the total breach of the social contract at the Red Wedding, was a victim of contrapasso. He can’t be protected by social norms, so he gets poisoned by his guest and ally. Did Tyrion know he was dying? Had he put it all together? Was that bolt really an act of mercy? Perhaps it was one final service to the Lannisters, to keep the dream of their alliance with the Martells alive. Who knows, but boy is it interesting to consider.

[18:13] his alliances fall to pieces, and his children are abandoned by even their own family.

I’m referring here to the infighting between the Tyrells and Lannisters (and Martells, though they never had any intent of staying true to the alliance) after Tywin’s death (though there was some before as well, just intensified after Cersei takes over from Tywin). Kevan forces Cersei to take the walk of shame, and Jaime and the rest of the Lannisters abandon her to that fate.

[19:41] Just like Lord of the Rings, and the Witcher, ASOIAF is clearly dedicated to anti-violence. Not pacifism: all three works have heroes dealing out retributive violence in order to try and restore justice.

I understand it might be odd to suggest that three works which feature so much violence can be dedicated to anti-violence, but depicting something is not the same as endorsing it. I would argue in the case of Martin’s work in particular that his depiction of violence, so un-romantically brutal and direct, is intentionally revolting, and therefore is designed to be anti-violence. Martin purposefully makes you want revenge on certain characters, gives it to you, and then forces you to stare at the inhumanity of this thing you thought you wanted. Yeah I wanted Theon to pay, but not like that. Yeah, I wanted Cersei to pay, but not like that. Yeah, I want the Freys to pay, but I don’t think I’m going to like what Stoneheart is going to do to them.

There is a certain amount of this in the Witcher as well. I can specifically think of one scene in The Blood of Elves, but I promised no Witcher spoilers.

The violence in LOTR is much more romanticized, but as Faramir says: “I do not love the bright sword for its sharpness, nor the arrow for its swiftness, nor the warrior for his glory. I love only that which they defend.” The hero is still Frodo, who doesn’t fight anyone or anything in the whole story. Frodo is a pacifist, but his pacifism is enabled by others who are willing to fight.

[20:07] In a Dance with Dragons Daenerys allows the old slave-holding class to maintain too much power and so they immediately attempt to continue the old violence of slavery. Daenerys did not commit enough violence against the slave-owners, so they were allowed to continue existing, and as long as they existed they were always going to abuse and oppress the ex-slaves.

A couple years after the release of ADWD, an obnoxiously wrong and poisonous idea began to creep into the ASOIAF fandom: Daenerys’ violence against the slaveowners in Slaver’s Bay is dangerous and immoral, and peace is the better option. This idea was most persuasively argued in the Meereenese Blot’s series of essays.

I’ll quote some of the conclusion here:

“They are supposed to feel this generic distrust for everyone, and to fail to grasp that their peaces were actually quite successful. Dany is supposed to conclude — wrongly — that her behavior through most of the book was silly and foolish. And if you came away with those impressions too, it’s perfectly understandable…The whole plotline is designed to maneuver Dany into a mental place where she’ll decide to sideline her concerns for innocent life, and take what she wants with fire and blood.”

This idea, much like the idea that Daenerys is some sort of unhinged fascist just waiting for the right trigger, makes me unbelievably angry. This idea that I am supposed to value the life of the slaveowner and the slave equally, and that maintaining a “peaceful” slave-owning society is an acceptable alternative to violent revolution is so fundamentally revolting to me, that it turns my stomach even to write that sentence.

Some fans went even as far as to suggest that Daenerys’ occupation of Meereen was a parallel to the US occupation of Iraq, and that she was engaged in erasing an authentic slave-owning culture that she despised. If you read the above series of essays, you can see that they are, at the least, enabling that kind of thinking.

To be clear, I do not consider any slave society to be worth a damn thing. Anything that continues it is evil and all that attempts to destroy it is good. That being said, once again Steven Attewell does a better job than I ever could of rebutting the ideas of the Meereneese Blot, and explaining how the correct parallel of Daenerys’ actions in Meereen is the American mistake of abandoning radical reconstruction. He describes her actions in Meereen as abandoning a revolution half complete. I highly recommend reading it, especially if you are American. 

Martin is not a pacifist. He has said he would have fought in WWII. He demonstrated against Vietnam. As far as I know, the first time George ever used the words “Fire and Blood” was in a book released in 1982 called Fevre Dream:

“I never held much with slavery […]. You can’t just go… usin’ another kind of people, like they wasn’t people at all. Know what I mean? Got to end, sooner or later. Better if it ends peaceful, but it’s got to end even if it has to be with fire and blood, you see? Maybe that’s what them abolitionists been sayin’ all along. You try to be reasonable, that’s only right, but if it don’t work, you got to be ready. Some things is just wrong. They got to be ended.”

Daenerys is a slave-freeing, slave-owner-killing Hero with a capital H. She has made mistakes. I weep for the lives of the slaves that she has thrown away by abandoning her revolution, by failing to give the people of Astapor the strength to defend themselves, by maintaining a false peace that allows the Meereneese KKK to kill ex-slaves in the night.  I shed no tears for the slaveowners that she has killed. When you treat other human beings as property you forfeit your right to Prosperity, Freedom, and Life. Preferably in that order—I would prefer that a slave society could peacefully transition, that those who attempted to continue it could be locked up, and that bloodshed could be avoided. But sometimes violence is necessary.

Daenerys will make more mistakes, I am sure. I believe that she will swing too far in the other direction, temporarily. But that’s a topic for another time.

[20:57] She comforts the hound even as he threatens her and helps him on his path from violence to peace.

Sandor did not die, despite what the Elder Brother told Brienne. He uses his words very carefully, to suggest that the Hound is dead, but that Sandor Clegane the man is simply “at rest.” He has become a brother of the isle.

“On the upper slopes they saw three boys driving sheep, and higher still they passed a lichyard where a brother bigger than Brienne was struggling to dig a grave. From the way he moved, it was plain to see that he was lame.” - Brienne VI, AFFC

[21:40] If they don’t understand why Tywin is a villain then of course they won’t understand why the Others are the main villains of the series, and will probably replace them with some blonde queen. And if you don’t understand that the cold of the human heart is the real enemy than of course you’ll think you can stop winter by just stabbing it. Like Tywin would.

In the books the Others are the villains. They are what the whole story is building towards, much like in LOTR the story builds towards Frodo casting the ring into the Fire. Martin has said that he thinks that the finishing chapters of LOTR, like the Scouring of the Shire, were important, so we may see something like that, but the clear emphasis will be on the existential evil, and cleaning up Cersei or Aegon “Targaryen’s” mess will be a clear step down in importance. It’s something that the heroes have grown beyond, but still need to handle, just like Saruman in the Shire.

[22:04] There’s nothing wrong with liking Game of Thrones, or disliking Lord of the Rings, or anything else.

I really do mean this. I am going to be critical of things you like, and am going to praise things you love. People are different, that’s to be expected. I am not here to pretend that people should only like the things I like. I’m interested in what makes these stories work. I said much the same thing in my last video about some of the new Star Wars properties. People tend to get really attached to the media they like (I’m no exception) and that can color our perception of criticism. Do try to keep in mind that if you like something I criticize it isn’t an attack on you. You have a sacred and personal relationship to the things you enjoy that no one can take from you. I like all kinds of stuff that other people might consider bad, and that’s okay. Actually it’s great, because it gives us something to talk about.

I may genuinely hate Game of Thrones because it butchers something I came to love, but that doesn’t mean I have anything against the people who do like it for their own reasons. We’re all just out here enjoying what we like.

PART THREE: THE WITCHER

There is less in this section for two reasons. First, I promised not to spoil anything past the material covered in the show and I’ll stick to that here. Second—full disclosure here—I haven’t read all of the books because after Blood of Elves I got pretty bored and from what I had heard they did not improve in quality, and if anything got worse. Having already felt that going from the anthologies to Blood I was happy to end my reading there.

If something I say is contradicted by a later book that I didn’t read feel free to let me know.

[23:31] First I should mention that Sapkowski’s works are not on the same level as Tolkien’s and Martin’s, who are the best and second-best fantasy authors of all time. I have enjoyed the Witcher books that I have read, but they are not anywhere near as complex or beautifully written.

This is just my opinion, see above paragraph. I really do think that it’s a pretty common opinion though. I’ve read it before, and you often see people recommend the first two Witcher anthologies in a “if you like it maybe see if you like the rest of them?” sort of way. Book sales numbers also support this, though by all accounts they are exploding in the wake of the show.

But, one potential issue is that I’m reading a translation so I have no idea how good Sapkowski’s prose actually is. You get a lot of sentences in the US edition like: “it must be both bothersome and irritating.” Translation is art, not science, and passages like these make me worry that the translator is just translating each phrase without worrying about all the subtlety that makes language beautiful. These are minor examples of course, but they worry me about what else might be changed. So take my criticism of his writing with a giant, translated, grain of salt, in that I don’t read Polish.

[23:58] Despite this, Geralt the Witcher has been worming his way into popular culture for years, interestingly on the back of a series of video games

Google trends clearly show that the video games are what primarily generated interest in the character before the show. There were no English editions until around the time the games started coming out, and the US editions all feature concept art from the games on the covers. The release of the subsequently translated books after the games received very little attention in comparison to the games.

[24:15] In my opinion, that decline of focus on Geralt was the greatest weakness in the books, and the focus on Geralt is the greatest strength of the games. Because Geralt is at the core of what made Sapkowski’s story and world engaging in the first place. He is a fascinating character in a way that Ciri, who is a fairly standard fantasy “chosen child,” could never be.

This is just my opinion, and I explain why I think Geralt is so great in the subsequent paragraphs. Reasonable people can disagree on this, but I’ve come across more than a couple fantasy characters who could be generically described as “royal orphans with special powers.” It’s not exactly novel. Geralt is pretty novel, at least in terms of what I have read.

[24:49] He suffers many of the same psychological problems that characters like Tyrion and Brienne suffer from in Martin’s work

The technical name for these kinds of issues is “internalized bigotry.” This happens when you get treated consistently horribly by the society you live in due to some fundamental fact about yourself that you didn’t choose, and eventually you begin to believe and “internalize” their opinion of you. For example, people expect Tyrion to be unlovable, conniving, lecherous, and debauched. Eventually he simply leans into these characteristics, because in a way it’s almost easier to be what people expect you to be.

[25:48] To top it off, he hides all this inside a cynical and nihilistic exterior, he pretends he doesn’t care when in fact, he cares more than anyone.

The shot that accompanies this, of Geralt looking intently at what’s happening in the room while others tend to be watching with a sort of mild curiosity like you might at an unexpected circus performance, did an awesome job of conveying this idea.

[26:36] This was kind of a cool idea, but predictably their scenes ended up being generally less interesting and engaging then Geralt’s. Yennefer’s were sometimes fantastic but Ciri’s rarely were.

This was the opinion of fans that I most commonly observed. I don’t have any empirical evidence of this. If you have any that either supports or contradicts this please let me know, I would be fascinated to see it. I could see someone really loving Yennefer’s scenes, and I personally enjoyed a lot of them, but I don’t understand how someone could walk away from the first season with Ciri as their favorite character of the three. I’ll come back to this in a later section.

[27:40] In many ways the first two books, and the games, have more in common with Sherlock Holmes than they do most other fantasy stories.

Really a more accurate comparison would be Philip Marlowe since Geralt is definitely more of an American Pulp detective than a British one. I do love the similarity between Geralt’s Witcher Senses in The Witcher 3 and Sherlock’s detective vision in Crimes and Punishment. I can’t make the same comparison to a Philip Marlowe game, because no one’s made one yet.

Actually that’s not strictly true. There was one game that came out in 1996.

[28:12] But Netflix’s Witcher has barely a whiff of detective fiction anywhere. I think this has caused a lot of fans to feel alienated by the show, even if they can’t explain exactly why.

It’s not reasonable to expect people to know why they like or don’t like something. It’s a feeling, and unless they have experience with writing, narratology, literature, film studies, or just read a lot of tvtropes.org, they are not likely to be able to put their finger on what it is. This causes people to disproportionally blame the things that are most obviously wrong. The premiere example of this is Jar Jar Binks in The Phantom Menace. Jar Jar was obviously bad, but he doesn’t even come close to the top ten biggest problems with the movie. It was much worse that there was no main character or understandable plot and drama. Check out Red Letter Media’s legendary review for more on that.

I think a similar thing happened with Ciri, in that her story was sort of obviously underwhelming and so received a lot of flak, but there are deeper problems with the show.

[32:04] The third change is more subtle, but I’m worried that this Geralt genuinely believes in neutrality.

Just like Ned, the showrunners would not be the first to espouse this view. This quote in particular about “evil is evil” is obnoxiously peddled about as a justification for fence-sitting despite the fact that Geralt’s actual behavior doesn’t support it at all.

I don’t know for sure if the showrunners genuinely think Geralt tries to be neutral. There’s some evidence for yes in the first episode, the Borch episode, the Striga episode, and a couple of others. There’s strong evidence for no in the Duny/Pavetta episode. We’ll just have to see.

To be clear, when I mean “neutral” I mean in the face of immediate violence or injustice. Geralt often doesn’t care who is king, as he explains to Ostrit. But he won’t let a Striga continue to kill people just for coin.

[37:20]  When the writers took away Ned’s best arguments for his actions, when they took his story of existential triumph, of not compromising his morals, and turned it into a simple tragedy, they showed they clearly did not understand his heroism.

See PoorQuentyn’s explanation of existential heroism, and how it applies to ASOIAF.

[37:58] In the books, Ciri and Yennefer are included in the story through their connection to Geralt, because he is our hero and the foundation of our connection to the world. In the show they are included before ever having met Geralt, and they take up time that could have been spent focusing on those devilish detective details that make Geralt’s stories and character work.

Originally this video had a lot of discussion about how well these two other characters worked, but it ended up being kind of useless because it comes down to personal opinion, and the writers failure to properly use Geralt massively overshadows whether or not someone liked or didn’t like either of the other two leads. Again, I get why someone could like Yennefer’s scenes. I get why someone could maybe even like her scenes more than Geralt’s. Anya Chalotra did great. I thought the writing was a little weak at times, but on balance pretty decent. Geralt gets the benefit of all his stories being straight adaptations, and she didn’t, so it was a pretty decent job.

On the other hand, I thought Ciri’s storyline was a giant waste of space. When I think of all the best moments in the show, Ciri doesn’t show up in any of them. She spends the entire season running away from and interacting with fairly minor and forgettable characters that did not need to be introduced in this season. Calanthe, Eist, and Mousesack were great characters and the actors gave great performances, but that did not make up for the fact that her storyline went nowhere and did nothing to justify its inclusion. If someone loved Ciri’s storyline I would genuinely be interested to know why.

[39:10] I do have some sympathy for the writers of the Witcher.

Many times in this video I mention sympathy for various writers. Moviemaking is a massively complex undertaking. If you know anything about the difficulty of getting these things together you’ll know that it’s an absolute miracle any movie gets made and takes herculean effort from everyone involved. Television series are arguably even worse because they are longer, more complex, and often have a lower budget despite that. The people involved are honestly doing their best, and I recognize that, even if I criticize the product.

[39:47] They are in this unfortunate position where they can’t really pull the majority of their writing straight from the books because the material isn’t really strong enough by itself.

The books are very dialogue heavy. As I allude to, the one scene that was very close to the book is that scene with Filavandrel and it’s just obnoxious because the two characters just dialogue at each other. It goes on even longer in the book. How well that works in a book is up for debate but it wasn’t going to work on the screen, and it didn’t.

These problems are not insurmountable though. You can put other footage over these monologues. You could have included some footage of Elves fighting in their war. You could have footage of the “cursed” daughters of Lilit being locked in towers or autopsied while Stregobor explains it. I get this is more budget, but that budget went other places.

On the other hand some great scenes that I think would have translated excellently shot-for-shot from the book with little additional budget, like Renfri and Geralt in the Alderman’s attic, are entirely cut. Ah well.

[40:25] Well, I have my theories, but it in the end it doesn’t really matter.

I have a sneaking suspicion that somebody thought it needed to be more “epic” than the first two books are, so we got all this princess and political stuff in early. If there’s any merit to the idea that this series “copied” GoT, it’s somewhere in here, just like how the Hobbit got poisoned with all of the “epicness” of LOTR.

[44:54] Lastly, I’m gonna do my best to put out more regular content going forward. I’m aiming for at least one video a month.

I place no limitation on topics. It’ll probably be mostly media analysis, but if I’m honest I’m just going to write about whatever interests me. That’s the best way to keep myself interested.

That being said, if you have something you think I should analyze let me know. If I’m interested, I might do it.

[thelightofthingshopedfor]

Dear Yuletide writer,

I’m 100indecisions on AO3. just based on numbers of requests/offers in the signup summary, it seems fairly likely that you matched with me on Avengers Academy, but it’s also slightly possible it was Silent Hill 3 or The Bifrost Incident. numbers also indicate nobody else requested or offered my other two fandoms, but I’m including them here anyway in case you or anyone else wants to take a stab at them. (there’s also this post if you want a little more info about why these fandoms are cool and where to find them.)

regardless! the important thing as always is that you have fun writing the fic, and for the most part everything that follows is just a suggestion. whatever you come up with, I’m sure I’ll love it.

I feel like…most of the fandoms I requested aren’t too likely to lead to fics with my major DNWs, probably. I wouldn’t want to see dubcon or significant manipulation in a relationship that’s supposed to be positive and healthy, for instance. I’m not opposed to explicit sex scenes of any kind, although I often end up skimming them because I’m the type of ace person who is just Not Interested in most of the physical aspects, so…you’re welcome to write sex scenes if it’s relevant but you absolutely don’t have to feel like you need to.

in general, my biggest DNW is unhappy endings. I’m thrilled to see my favorite characters go through all kinds of hell to get there, so for most of these I would be very happy to get something tagged Crueltide, but I also like things to be okay or at least hopeful by the end. if canon is the unhappy part in one way or another, I’m always happy to read fix-it fics. Between post-canon fix-its that could reasonably happen in the future and canon-divergence AUs where things are okay now because of some mid-canon change, I have a slight preference for the former, but both are good.

as for stuff I like, well, the other thing implied by my main DNW is that I do often enjoy fairly dark fics, as long as they end okay. I also like Loki a lot, as you can probably guess from my requests. if you ended up matching me on Avengers Academy Loki or Bifrost Incident Loki, and/or you want to take a stab at one of the other Loki-centric requests, the Loki fics I’ve actually written are pretty representative of stuff I like in my Loki fics, which basically boils down to “sympathetic interpretations always, with loads of angst and/or whump on the way to a reasonably happy ending”. I tend to take a somewhat lighter tone in general with my Avengers Academy fics (I’ve written several of those and only one of them doesn’t involve Loki at all, so…yeah I have a one-track mind where Loki is concerned), although I did also write a pretty damn whumpy fic for AvAc Loki. I’m very invested in the relationship between Thor and Loki as brothers, although Thorki is usually a personal squick. for things that aren’t necessarily Loki-related, I like found families and deep friendships, sibling bonds, stories about characters reclaiming their own agency from some outside force and/or figuring out how to take control of their own narratives, and probably plenty of other things that aren’t coming to mind at the moment. I’m equally good with plotty fics and little slice-of-life or introspective pieces. I will always always always be happy to see queer characters, especially asexual ones.

more detail about my specific requests, basically just expanded versions of what I wrote in my sign-up:

Silent Hill 3 (Heather Mason). I love this game and that’s mostly because of Heather–she’s resourceful, brave, and incredibly tough, and the game is essentially all about her reclaiming her agency (in a very literal, physical way) from people who used her for their own ends. Anything that gets into Heather’s head would be great, whether it’s a missing scene of some kind during the game or something afterward that explores what she does next, how she recovers from a frankly massive amount of trauma, and how she reconciles the various layers of her identity. The ways in which Heather, Cheryl the child, and Alessa both are and are not the same person are endlessly fascinating to me, and it seems like she probably has a lot of weird memories bouncing around in her head at this point--and possibly some extra trauma from Alessa’s memories of things Heather never physically experienced, as if she doesn’t have enough to deal with already. I would also really love to see something involving Angela and/or Maria from Silent Hill 2; I’m not sure how the timelines would line up (although realistically, considering the setting, that part would be trivial to handwave) but the way Heather basically said “fuck you, you don’t own me” to the cult makes me want to see other female characters find their own agency as well, and it would be really awesome if Heather found a way to help them do that, either by helping them directly or just by influencing the way the town operates. in general, I love these games for their atmosphere and symbolism, so anything you can do along those lines would be great.

Avengers Academy (Loki, Thor). I still miss this game. I especially miss Loki, who was a snarky little bastard but really not a bad dude. Mostly I’d be thrilled to see anything that focuses on him (or her, I super loved Loki’s canonical genderfluidity) developing actual friendships at the academy, with any characters who might be relevant (Steve, Natasha, America Chavez, Nebula, Union Jack, Angela, Jane Thor, really anybody). Working things out with Thor and/or the rest of his family is always good too; Loki’s Frost Giant storyline didn’t involve Thor at all, for instance, probably because it was written long before Thor was added to the game, so I’d be interested to see how things went when he found out his brother was a Frost Giant. I’m also always happy to see crossovers of some kind with other Marvel universes, especially considering AvAc was an interesting patchwork of film and comics canon; meta stuff where characters are aware of their multiverse counterparts is always fun (again, my own AvAc fics are pretty representative of what I like…and if you wanted to build off anything in those, I’d be thrilled). and hey, if you want to pick up or expand on any of the plot threads the game never really got around to, like more about the Academy’s supposed mole, the actual nature and origin of the timefog, or other worldbuilding-related stuff, that would be awesome. random slice-of-life stuff is also fun; so is expanding on any of the event plotlines or digging into in-world reasons for various gameplay decisions (way back during the Civil War event, for instance, Loki was one of the characters who could do stuff to earn points for Team Cap even though this didn’t come up in dialogue--it was almost certainly because they needed another non-event character to round out the rosters, but it would also make a fun premise for a fic). I’d also be happy to see something post-canon, showing what characters are up to now or doing some kind of reunion. I’m realizing somewhat belatedly that last year I only requested Loki because that’s the character I wanted most, and this year I requested both Loki and Thor even though my actual wishes haven’t changed, which...I’m not sure if that’s a potential matching problem or not. But just to be clear, the only character I require is Loki, and everything else is basically a suggestion. If there’s a character I haven’t listed but Loki had an interesting interaction with them, or they never spoke but you think they’d play off each other in fun ways, go for it.

The Bifrost Incident - The Mechanisms (Loki, Thor, Sigyn). I...need a fix-it. Like, for these characters specifically, but also for the universe in general, because the premise of this album is absolutely fascinating but I can't deal with tragedy, so--I need somebody to fix it. Somehow. I mean, I would also be very interested in pretty much anything about Loki and Sigyn, backstory or otherwise (especially if there’s Loki whump due to cosmic horror in general or Odin being a dick specifically, because...I am who I am), or Loki’s relationship with Thor, or...yeah, pretty much anything Loki-centric? But also I am a baby who cannot deal with tragedy so I gotta have like...at least a hint that things are going to end up differently than in canon. Or if you really don’t want to do that, speculate on this universe’s version of Valhalla or something, I don’t know. And yes, even though this isn’t a Marvel universe, I would also be very happy with some type of crossover/fusion with the MCU or another Marvel universe.

Loki: Where Mischief Lies - Mackenzi Lee (Loki). I had a lot of issues with this book and I’m not sure how much of that is just me not appreciating what the author was doing with an unreliable narrator (in part because I’m already pretty attached to certain interpretations of Loki) and how much is the author not quite doing it right, but I’d love to see something that would…make it make sense internally in terms of Loki’s motivations and actions. It doesn’t necessarily have to be a fix-it, although I’d love one of those too, with Loki reuniting with Theo and/or actually reconciling with his family. A giant crossover that includes this Loki with other major versions of Loki could be fun too. I’ve been planning for a while to write up some kind of actual review to articulate what about this book didn’t work for me, and I’ll update this post with a link when I do that, although…again, I know nobody else offered or requested this one. (if you think it sounds fun or you just want to read this book in general, my library actually has the ebook on Hoopla, so it’s worth checking to see if your library does too.)

What If... Thor Was Raised by the Frost Giants? (Loki, Thor). This is such a great little AU and I need MORE. Slice-of-life stuff with Thor and Loki growing up (and Laufey being an abusive bastard to Loki)? Fix-it where Freyja survives or somehow gets brought back? Post-canon fic picking up immediately after the end of the comic? Far-future speculation about what the present-day Marvel universe might look like with this change in its history? Literally anything post-canon about Thor and Loki tentatively reconciling? YES PLEASE. As always, biggest DNW is unhappy endings.

[spiritmaiden23]

THE POSITIVE & NEGATIVE; Mun & Muse - Meme.

fill out & repost ♥ This meme definitely favors canons more, but I hope OC’s still can make it somehow work with their own lore, and lil’ fandom of friends & mutuals. Multi-Muses pick the muse you are the most invested in atm.

My muse is:   canon / oc / au / canon-divergent / fandomless /

Is your character popular in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK. For sure, for being the cutest of cutes!! All Zeldas are cute though but she was the blueprint ;v; 

Is your character considered hot™ in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK. I’m a devout christian virgin I would never ever look at those kind of topics the only hot I see is the flames of hell for even considering this smh smh bUT NO FOR REAL THO I’M NOT REALLY SURE???? I mostly see people gushing over how cute she is rather than hot. 

Is your character considered strong in the fandom?  YES / NO / In some aspects. We don’t really see Skyward Sword Zelda’s abilities in the games as we did in, say, BOTW where she goes full goddess mode. Aside from blessing the master sword, sealing herself away, and the implications that the game gives us with Zelda being not only a student at the knight school but also a badass warrior goddess in her past life; I’d say she’s pretty up there in terms of strength. 

Are they underrated?  YES / NO. GONNA GO WITH YES AND NO ON THIS. As a character, Zelda is far from underrated she’s actually cliche blonde character we all love and stan but in this incarnation.... also yes and no because while I see a lot of people like SS Zelda keep in mind that SS is the black sheep of the series so not a lot of people have good opinions on it. I’ve seen some say she’s annoying, too shoujo or even Mary Sue at some points and hweoh we all know that the last one ain’t even close to true since she’s far from bland and OP written. But it’s all a matter of perspective!  

Were they relevant for the main story?  YES / NO.

Were they relevant for the main character? YES / NO /

Are they widely known in their world?  YES / NO.

How’s their reputation?  GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL / FOR THE MOST PART, if we were talking verses like say witch verse she’d have more of a neutral reputation considering witches aren’t really well-liked ;-; 

How strictly do you follow canon?  

I try to do the best that I can do given with what we’re working with here all while adding my own spin to her characterization because we all have different perspective when it comes to art! How I see Zelda is someone who’s bubbly, playful (big ol bully hweoh), a bit of a busybody if she feels she needs to step in due to worrywart tendencies yet highly responsible and carries a wisdom that’s beyond her age, she doesn’t like seeing people bullying others and isn’t afraid to put her foot down to speak her mind if something is up. While kindness is sorta her strong suit I wanted to go beyond “nice girl” and just showcase other sides of her too, hence why main verse is typically set during the events of SS because here we see her growth into the girl we see at the end of the game where she’s melancholic of her past but is looking forward to seeing what the future holds and wants to build a brighter tomorrow with Link by her side along with friends and loved ones. I’m not at all confident in playing as her, despite playing as Zelda since 2017 haha!! So I can’t really say that I’m super strict in following canon considering that’s how I view the character through the actions and dialogue throughout the game, perhaps the creators had something different in mind than how I see Sky Zelda.   

SELL YOUR MUSE! Aka try to list everything, which makes your muse interesting in your opinion to make them spicy for your mutuals.  

DO YOU LIKE WHOLESOME GIRLS?! Wait no, hold on, that’s a little too vague, so let’s try that again. Do you like wholesome genki girls who were once a god who fought in a war in their past life? How about pastel girls who may seem sweet but are deep down bullies towards loved ones? Are you at a point in your life where you find yourself wondering: where on earth can I find someone who’s ray of sunshine can brighten up my day. Will do I have good news for you buddy! Introducing your very own friend: Zelda from hit series Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword. This Zelda is more extreme than the others due to the fact that she’s not a princess, that’s right no princess titles clogging up that beautiful name. Just a knight who somehow finds out she’s actually a goddess reborn as human, no biggie! 

Now the OPPOSITE, list everything why your muse could not be so interesting (even if you may not agree, what does the fandom perhaps think?)

SHOUJO PROTAG WHO’S TOO FREAKING CUTE!! So.... if that’s not your cup of tea ;v; but nah I can see people not liking Zelda because not everyone like the nice girl who’s your childhood friend characrter, I totally get it but if you dig a little deeper you see that there’s more to it than that.

What inspired you to rp your muse?  

My close friend was FINALLY getting into the LOZ series back when BOTW was first coming out, her playthrough of SS made me remember how much I loved each characters and honestly Zelda’s design in that game was always my fav right next to Tetra and ALTTP/ALBW! At the time I mostly played more introverted muses or straight up villains and I wanted to try my hand at playing more wholesome characters like Sky Zel and ALTTP Zel ;v; now look at me, the CEO of wholesome cute girls ;v; 

What keeps your inspiration going?  

Motivation and time at this point, I’m not the young starry-eyed rper who used to have playlists and replay things to keep up with canon. I just pray to god I’m doing ok, let jesus take the wheel and just sorta do my own thing. I think having fun threads or a friendship with partners or just good vibes from them def helps a whole lot. 

Some more personal questions for the mun.

Give your mutuals some insight about the way you are in some matters, which could lead them to get more comfortable with you or perhaps not.

Do you think you give your character justice?  YES / NO.

Do you frequently write headcanons?  YES / NO. SORTA KINDA NOT AS MUCH AS I DO WITH ALTTP ZEL BECAUSE I’M ALWAYS NERVOUS THAT I MIGHT LIKE BREAK THE CANON OR ZEL’S CHARACTER!! 

Do you sometimes write drabbles?  YES / NO.  

Do you think a lot about your Muse during the day?  YES / NO.

Are you confident in your portrayal?   YES / NO.

Are you confident in your writing?  YES / NO / Most of the time!

Are you a sensitive person?  YES / NO. I mean, that’s a trick question because I can be sensitive in picking up tones and reading between the lines but like if you mean if someone says something mean than no not anymore at least, I’m too old to care about what people say about me or think about me. 

Do you accept criticism well about your portrayal?  

YE! I do! I mean we’re all improving and junk so I see no issues with criticisms uvub I always worry about whether or not you can hear different voices within the characters I rp as among writing issues I have that comes with learning disability and ADD, I try my hardest but I know at the end of the day there will always be grammar mistakes and even spelling! 

Do you like questions, which help you explore your character?

YES YES YES!! OMG YES!! I TAKE WHATEVER QUESTIONS YOU MAY HAVE AND JUST... WORD VOMIT BACK SEVEN PAGE ESSAY SOMETIMES ;V; 

If someone disagrees to a headcanon of yours, do you want to know why?

Eh, well yeah it’d be nice honestly to hear feedbacks and thoughts. Just saying ‘I don’t like this or I don’t agree with this’ doesn’t really help anyone who wants to improve but I’m not gonna like press them for it either because again I’m at the stage in my life where I’m just like ‘it is what it is’. 

If someone disagrees with your portrayal, how would you take it?

Shrug emoji, and then move on! Again it’d be nice if they can tell me though but I won’t press them for it if they don’t feel like it. We’re allowed to have our opinions after all yo!

If someone really hates your character, how do you take it?

It is illegal to hate sky zel or any Zel really... NAH JK I DON’T REALLY CARE I’ve liked characters who aren’t popular among the fandom, I’m more or less used to seeing character bashing for faves so like it doesn’t really affect me at all I’m just like “lol” and move on. 

Are you okay with people pointing out your grammatical errors?

YES! Though keep in mind, despite me using Grey instead of Gray, I use US English ;v; so keep that in mind when spotting out certain words other parts of the world may spell differently because us US Americans just..... gotta be extra like that. 

Do you think you are easy going as a mun?  

I TRY!!! IDK IF I COME ACROSS AS THAT but I’m very much someone who goes with the flow anyway, I’ve been told that much IRL and I’m just hweoh not really someone who’s a stick in the mud or has a stick up their ass, you know? I’m pretty laid back and not much bothers me, I can get petty if I have to come across rude people that’s the one thing that kills it for me but aside from that, I just wanna try to get along with people. We don’t have to be friends if you’re not feeling the vibes but friendly terms is good enough for me!

That’s about it, congrats for filling out!

[sholiofic]

I'd really love any alternate-POV snippets for Black Water Rising? The tension and character interactions and just everything about that one is /amazing/.

Link to the original story: Can be read here, for context.

Since the entire fic is in Peggy's POV, we never got to see the Jack or Daniel scenes when they're not with her. So this is their side of the scene after Peggy leaves them alone, before Jack swims to the hangar, when he tells Daniel the Okinawa story.

(And thank you!!)

---

"So, Daniel," Jack said, floating just below him. "I'm basically a shit."

"Gee, really?" Daniel glanced up; Peggy was walking away briskly, the bobbing light of her flashlight reflecting across the wet floor until it vanished into the nearest hallway. "I hadn't noticed."

"Ha ha. You're a riot."

Daniel tried to rearrange himself on the floor so he could see through the bars more easily. He couldn't crouch; he had to sit flat on the floor, while water drained around him into Jack's crypt. A ticking clock, counting down.

It occurred to him that just now might be the first time Jack had ever called him by his first name.

"You know, whatever you want to say to me, I dunno if it's worth the time you're wasting here," Daniel said. "Peggy's idea is only going to work if you get moving."

"I know," Jack said through chattering teeth. Floating on his back in the water, he looked like a drowned man already, ghost-pale in the beam of Daniel's flashlight. "But there's something I need to tell you. In case ... you know."

Daniel didn't bother with reassurances or platitudes. They'd both seen combat; they'd both been the recipient of deathbed confessions before. He'd never noticed Jack being especially reticent in front of Peggy, but clearly whatever he had to say was something he didn't want her to know about. Daniel had a feeling he probably didn't want to hear it either -- He got some girl in the family way and he has a kid in England? He's not really Jack Thompson, just a guy in the service who took the real Thompson's credentials -- Okay, the cold was making him loopy now.

But whatever it was that was weighing on Jack's mind, there was really only one thing a guy could do when confronted with that sort of confession. And Daniel's discomfort -- flat on his ass in ice-cold water, muscles cramping with cold, hands chewed to bruised dog meat from the digging he'd been doing -- paled in comparison to his need to bear witness in what might be Jack's final minutes of life.

"I'm listening," he said, when Jack went silent. "Go on."

Jack sucked in a breath. "So, the Navy Cross. The war hero thing. All of that. You know?"

"There's no way I could not know, Jack," Daniel said, and he couldn't stop a short laugh. "You talk about it all the time." Though, come to think of it, it hadn't come up since Dooley died and Jack got the promotion. Maybe all that talk had been less ego than bluster, trying to cement a place for himself among the men in the bullpen. Not that it made it any less annoying --

"It's a lie," Jack said. "It never happened."

The words fell into a sudden silence, broken only by the thousand subtle variations on water splashing, dripping, falling around them, filling up the world, flooding Jack's grave.

"How so?" Daniel said. There was no time to -- react, really; he had to get whatever Jack needed to say out of him, before all their time was gone. "You made it up, never got the award, or what?" He'd met people like that, of course. There were always people who lied about things like that. Flatfeet who served out the war in a Jersey shipyard and then made up a big story about how they ran across two miles of enemy fire, took out a Jerry machine gun and saved their whole squad.

But usually they were pretty easy to spot. Jack was a braggart, but he'd never struck Daniel as that particular type of fraud. And Daniel had seen the Navy Cross; Jack used to show it around.

"The award is real," Jack said. "They pinned it on me and all. It's just that I didn't do what they think I did." He took another deep breath and kicked himself around in the water, maybe trying to see Daniel more clearly, but there was no way he could see him, not from down there. "It was for ... conspicuous heroism in battle. Saved the lives of every man on my team. Except I didn't. What I did was ..."

He paused again. They didn't have time. But Daniel didn't have the heart to do more except carefully prod him along. "What'd you do, Jack?"

"It was on Tsuken Island," Jack said. He was looking at nothing, staring into the dark. Maybe seeing it all over again, the way people did. "In Okinawa. At night. Six enemy soldiers, walking into my camp. I was on night watch, fell asleep, woke up just in time to shoot 'em before they got us. Just one problem. White flag. They were surrendering. I just didn't know it 'til it was too late." He let out a sharp sort of laugh, cracking in the middle from cold, and maybe something else. "Buried the flag. Took the medal. Took the honors. You got anything to say to that, Sousa?"

"I don't know," Daniel said carefully. His mind was blank, his view of Jack tilting, reassessing. "It was ... chaos over there. Things happen."

"That's all you got to say about it? I brought that up in your face all the time. So now you know. The big war hero's a coward. Nothing to say to that? C'mon." Jack's voice had that sharp fighting edge. "You're the expert, right? There's one war hero in here, and it ain't me." His voice cracked. "You're the real deal."

That was what got the anger started, a slow building burn. "For God's sake, Jack, you think getting shot makes me a hero? You were there same as I was. You know what it's like."

The laugh that came out was a shade softer, a little more genuine. Jack swam closer, holding on the bars with a white-knuckled grip. The air space below the grate was nearly gone. "Carter knows," he said quietly, and there was another sideways tilt to the solid floor under Daniel, another surprise. "Didn't mean for her to, but, you know. Carter."

That startled a laugh out of him, too. "Yeah," Daniel said. He didn't know how he felt about this. Didn't know what it meant. "You tell anyone else?" he asked, but he already knew the answer.

"Just you and Carter."

All Daniel said to that, all he really could say, was, "You gotta get going, Jack."

"I know," Jack said through clenched teeth. He turned, kicking himself around in the water. Daniel moved his flashlight beam without really thinking about it to illuminate the water around Jack, picking out the place where the ceiling dipped to meet the water. Maybe there was an inch or two to spare yet. It looked impossible for any man to fit through there.

Jack hung there in the water, visibly bracing himself. Daniel couldn't help wondering how much of his deathbed confession was just stalling. Swimming through those flooded hallways in the dark -- he couldn't even imagine it.

There were a thousand kinds of courage and a thousand kinds of cowardice, and one thing about war was that it made you look into the face of all of them.

"Hey," Daniel said. Before he could come to his senses, he passed the flashlight down through the bars, butt first, the beam skipping off the ceiling. "Take this. I don't know if it'll work for long underwater, but it's gotta be better than nothing."

Jack took the other end of the flashlight automatically, and looked up at him, his face an odd mix of guarded and open. He made a sort of tokenistic shove, trying to push the flashlight back up toward Daniel. "You're wasting it on me."

"Jack, damn it, you know we don't have time to argue about it." Daniel passed the radio down after it. "Take this too. You get trapped somewhere, call us and see if we can guide you."

"It's not going to work," Jack said, looking up at him, three fingers curled around the flashlight and one resting on the radio. "None of this. You know that, right?"

"Not if you don't get moving right now, it won't."

Jack started to say something, shook his head, and jammed the radio into a pocket, under the surface of the water. "Here goes nothing," he murmured, took a deep breath, and dived.

The flashlight's beam was instantly watery and splintered, illuminating, for a moment, the concrete floor under eight or nine feet of water. Jack's legs and feet flashed, and then he was gone under the overhanging ceiling below, and Daniel was sitting alone in darkness growing ever more dense and oppressive as the light faded.

He sat there until the inevitable plunge into absolute darkness -- though whether it was because the waterlogged flashlight had stopped working, or because Jack had turned a corner, he had no way of knowing. Then he felt around for his crutch, braced it on the floor, and levered himself to his feet.

The darkness was very, very ... dark. He had a mental vision of turning the wrong way, putting his leg through the bars of the grate in the floor, and plunging up to his crotch between the bars. Losing the artificial leg, losing the crutch, breaking the other leg ...

Knock it off, Sousa. We've got more than enough trouble without borrowing some.

He felt his way carefully, feeling out with his good foot and sliding the other forward, but he didn't start breathing easier until he felt a wall in front of his groping left hand and knew he was well away from the grate.

He very deliberately didn't think about Jack, except to send a silent hope or maybe a prayer that way. Get out of this, you lying son of a bitch. We'll talk about the rest of it later. Just get out of it so I can chew you out as you so richly deserve.

Just get out of it.

[hopehunted]

“ 𝐔𝐆𝐋𝐘 𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐋𝐒 𝐒𝐏𝐎𝐊𝐄 𝐓𝐎 𝐌𝐄. 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐁𝐋𝐀𝐌𝐄, 𝐈 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐃 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐌 𝐒𝐀𝐘, 𝐖𝐀𝐒 𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐄. ” is that SHELLEY HENNIG? oh no, that’s 𝐉𝐎𝐑𝐃𝐀𝐍 𝐓𝐎𝐔𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐑𝐃, born on the 27th of JULY, 2011. i heard SHE (CIS FEMALE) is a 𝐒𝐎𝐋𝐃𝐈𝐄𝐑 in the 𝐖𝐘𝐎𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐌𝐈𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐀. apparently, they can be PERSEVERING and BOLD but also known to be MERCILESS and GUARDED. spends most of their free time battling a bone-deep desire to flee, probably smells like METAL. is that a bite mark i see?

character inspirations: laurie strode (halloween 2018), murder coat!rick grimes (the walking dead), din djarin (the mandalorian), bigby wolf (the wolf among us), kelly bailey (misfits), frank castle (punisher), spot (the good dinosaur), trilla suduri (star wars), stitch (lilo & stitch).

you can find jordan’s stats right here, where i’ve also put all her links. there’s a good bit of info there, so i’ll just be fluffing her out a bit more here! 

— 𝐈 𝐀𝐌 𝐋𝐎𝐎𝐊𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐊 𝐓𝐎 𝐖𝐇𝐄𝐍 𝐈 𝐖𝐀𝐒 𝐀 𝐆𝐈𝐑𝐋 ; 𝐍𝐎𝐖 𝐌𝐘 𝐁𝐎𝐃𝐘'𝐒 𝐀 𝐅𝐋𝐀𝐒𝐇 𝐎𝐅 𝐏𝐎𝐈𝐒𝐎𝐍 𝐎𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐅𝐋𝐎𝐎𝐑. CONTENT WARNING: the second-to-last bullet point of this section mentions pregnancy, postpartum depression, and infant death. it’ll be marked with ***.

jordan was born and raised in rural country, far beyond fedra’s reach. their community was overlooked by the government and denied entry to quarantined zones. they were left to fend for themselves — nothing but them, the land, and a dread so thick it filled the air like smog. 

her parents died quickly - no match for the changing tides - and their farm was overtaken by insurgents. suddenly, she became communal property. no, schrodinger's orphan: simultaneously everyone's and no one's ward. soon enough, a young couple would come to adopt her. it was good while it lasted, but jordan's luck is pure shit. family is quickly associated with the ephemeral: each caretaker having taught her something different before they pass or abandon her somewhere — all of them having made a promise they can’t or don’t intend to keep. some of them offer her their compassion's warmth, while others cut like a knife. she's a sponge: soaking up their essences until there was no more room for her, or who she may have been otherwise. 

above all, jordan learned how to make herself useful. she grew older and tougher in more ways than one. in a world intent on eating her alive, jordan fought to prove her worth, earn her place in groups, and for what bit of food and supplies they could scrap together. it was a life of grit, blood, and sweat: each moment clouded by the intrinsic need to survive, pushing out the fantasy of ever letting her defenses down. there is no order in the bush. jordan doesn’t know anything else — her life revolving around a fight, always. what moments of light she has are flickers in the dark ; moments she struggles still to claim are real. it’s easier to accept a grim fate than it is to hope for a brighter one. see, around these parts, hope kills quicker than a clicker.

time passed and jordan was a woman grown, just settling in to her twenties. for once, things we’re actually going well. their camp was protected, safe. it felt odd, she thought, this moment of peace. hope crawled into her brain through her ears and settled there, colonizing her consciousness. a tender friendship and string of bad decisions blossomed into something more; something that felt.. permanent. one thing led to another and suddenly they were expecting. jordan had never had a family before, not in a true sense, but she was excited to try. the idea of creating something greater than her was an exhilarating one, as though a string of good deeds could somehow right what was otherwise wrong in the world. she was excited to assume the role of a teacher, a leader, a caretaker. never before had she wanted anything more than that.

*** the storm passed and jordan realized she’d only been in the eye of it, momentarily untouched. the unimaginable unfolded before their eyes and jordan ventured elsewhere to a place formerly unbeknownst to her. it was a place for which there were no words, no understanding to be formed of a wound of that magnitude. jordan couldn’t bear to be present. memory had no mercy. her body, aching and sore and still producing sustenance, had no mercy. people would attempt to console her and it only made her want to bite. her partner was kinder than she deserved and it only made her want to scream her throat raw. she felt as though she’d shattered into a million pieces, the shards of her embedded in her very flesh, digging deeper with every step she took. at that point, there was only one truths to be told: jordan couldn’t stay.

it ends with this: jordan walks into the bush and doesn’t come back. she leaves nothing behind — not even a note or a whispered goodbye. she's just gone.

— 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐄’𝐒 𝐀𝐍 𝐎𝐖𝐍𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐏 𝐓𝐎 𝐃𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐔𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍, 𝐀𝐍 𝐈𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐌𝐀𝐂𝐘, 𝐀𝐍 𝐀𝐏𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐏𝐑𝐈𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍.

she’s twenty-six when the grizzlies find her: a trail of mutilated bodies leading them to a woman worn. misery has made a fiend of her: she’s harsher now, her hurt branded into the scarred skin of her body.

unsurprisingly, jordan fits right in with them. theirs is the only world she knows — she doesn’t notice the barbarism. if life is one long act of violence; what makes this any different? she takes to the work easily, proving her worth and earning the mark of the bear with ease. fremont lake is home, but jordan doesn’t trust it. she finds solace elsewhere, back in the woods. she’s happiest when scavenging or on a hunt, all too eager to keep herself occupied somehow. 

despite her efforts to be otherwise, jordan is a known figure in the wyoming militia. she’s a gun aimed wherever yen wants her: she’s brutal, decisive. jordan doesn’t flinch and she doesn’t hesitate. when there’s a move to be made, she’s typically one of the ones at the front of it. frankly, she’s no stranger to extreme violence. she bites and she scratches and she’ll use whatever is in her reach to win a fight. she’s not trained by any official means, but she has heart and will go for your knees every single time. it’s dirty, desperate, and merciless. you won’t leave a fight with her without a mark.

jordan doesn’t know how to deal with people being genuinely kind to her. she thinks there has to be a catch somewhere, that everything is a transaction of some sort. she’ll get nervous, flustered even. like, ‘what are you doing? is this a joke? stop looking at me like that.’ and if she does something kind, she’d rather die than be recognized for it. being tender? being acknowledged as a human being capable of contributing something of worth? gross. ew. too revealing for her, thanks.

she has a lot of survival skills knowledge. knows how to make do with minimal supplies and resources, and i mean that in the bear grylls doing nasty shit just to make it through the night type of way. she’s also an excellent huntsman. she can sniff out tracks easily and leaves no nook or cranny untouched when scavenging. she’ll climb and crawl through questionable buildings if there’s a chance for loot inside. you might want to watch your belongings around her, too.

her living quarters are bare, and you can’t tell much about her just by looking through it. having moved from camp to camp for a majority of her life, coupled with an innate sense of instability has pretty much dissolved any real sense of ownership she feels over things. she does like little trinkets, though. typically small animal figurines. she thinks they’re charming.

she can be a great friend, if you manage to get close enough. she's brazen, a surprisingly good listener, and always more than willing to lighten the mood. she may not laugh at your jokes, but she'll have your back, even if it costs her own. as it turns out, jordan can be very generous sometimes: she’ll shower you in attention and walk in your shadow, chasing the light you emit. deep down, jordan has a strong desire to please, and shows her love through acts of service. she wants to be needed, and needs to be useful to those she loves.

had coffee once and she hated it. too needy of a drunk to feel comfortable drinking. avoids the fighting pits. freezes up when someone touches her. can and will steal your flannel shirts.

— 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐂𝐀𝐍 𝐔𝐒𝐄 𝐀 𝐒𝐏𝐄𝐀𝐑 𝐀𝐒 𝐀 𝐖𝐀𝐋𝐊𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐂𝐊, 𝐁𝐔𝐓 𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐖𝐈𝐋𝐋 𝐍𝐎𝐓 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄 𝐈𝐓𝐒 𝐍𝐀𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐄.

first of all, when i say i’m genuinely down to do any and all plots i mean that. i don’t say no to anything lol and want to do all the things, whether it’s mega death angst or something that’s so sweet it’ll make my teeth hurt. gimme everything, pls n thanks!

i’ve purposely left some gaps in her history in order to leave room for anything we cook up. people she was once in a group with / traveled with way back when could be cool. little acts of fate are my favorite - imagine the reunions! whether they hated each other, were familiar, or were thick as thieves is all good with me. 

if anyone wants to pick up the ex she wanted to start a family with, then i’d be willing to discuss that! they could be from any faction [except for the purged, logistically]. doesn’t have to be the actual person that got her pregnant either. jordan checked out after everything that happened and ultimately left without any warning, goodbye, or anything. surely that’s gotta rouse some intense feelings, especially if they just so happen to come across her again.. as fate and its shit sense of humor would have it. 

jordan can have some friends.. as a treat. hehe. seriously, give her someone to shoot the shit with and to annoy the hell out of!

friends with benefits / one night stands could be interesting, especially since jordan doesn’t really let very many people that close to her. keep in mind though, she’s the type to fuck someone and then never speak of it again which is very well-adjusted of her. 

jordan gets bit pretty early on in game, and by that i mean literally in january of 2044, lol. so, having someone help her with her wound could be interesting. i was thinking it could be some quid pro quo type of deal where she asks them for supplies in exchange for whatever they want, but i’m down to discuss any differing ideas / alter it to fit our characters. jordan wouldn’t want them to know what the supplies was for, but the opportunity for them to find out anyhow could still arise because who doesn’t love some good ole drama? 

someone that does not vibe with her / she doesn’t vibe with could be cool, too! not everything is peachy keen, you know?

exes / almost exes are one of my weaknesses. getting so close to someone that you end up on the other side of them is so bittersweet. i need it. jordan is a difficult individual, so maybe this was a will-they-won’t-they type of situation that never went anywhere, or it was silent pining, or whatever else we think of is all good with me. can have been unrequited or not, too. could be a relationship neither of them can leave well enough alone, or one that makes it difficult for them to ever go back to being friends - maybe there’s too much bitterness to see past. i just wanna paint some angsty little trees, man. 

[dsmroleplay]

#ComingHome #DSM #RoswellNM #RP Part 2

Written by: @RoswellAlec @RoswellBadboy @TridentsPen

Jesse: -Jesse had his suspicions about Michael Guerin, Max, and Isobel Evans just because it's not every day three children are found wandering around not knowing any type of language. But with Guerin, Jesse wanted something to be horribly wrong with him so he could show his son once and for all that he was no good. He'd kept tabs on Alex and was furious to get feedback that he was spending time with Guerin. So Jesse called in five of his guys leaving his other son out of this for now. He ordered the guys to pretend to kidnap Alex to draw out Guerin, he'd have them contact Guerin and have him meet up out in the desert away from everyone and Jesse would be surveilling the scene. Yes, he was using his son for bait but he had a job to do and he wanted his son free of that guy forever. Killing two birds with one stone. Sending them out with orders to just rough up Alex a little but not hurt him they left to go track down their commanders son.-

::::::::::::::

Alex - Alex always covered his tracks when he going over to see @RoswellBadboy at his trailer. He wanted to spend as much time as he could with Michael but he wasn't ever going to put Michael in danger In case his father being who he was watching. My father never liked Michael when he found us together the first time in the boat shed. Never knowing what was his real problem was over the years with Michael. Was that he hated that his son was being Gay. Or was it the real issue was Michael. No matter what is issues he had with Michael. I was going to protect him, Isobel and Max especially now that I know what I know because of what Michael that showed me recently. With this, my precautions were through the roof now. 

When I was going to Michael's when Alex was driving over to Michael. His cellphone was ringing when he pulled his his truck over to stop. When he looks at the caller I.D. Seeing his father name coming up. He wasn't going to answer this call because he knew he could be trace exactly where he was. Or possible the direction he was heading. He declines the call and switching off his cellphone. Looking around to see where exactly he was. He stopped off in the distance around five miles away from Michael place. He knew he needed to stop himself from being traced. To stop him being tracked. Knowing he could be traced with being in Roswell there where many places you could hide a cellphone with the land here. When he got outhis truck. Knowing he had some tools in the trunk. 

Opening up his trunk to pick up a shovel. Walking over the nearby ditch carrying the shovel. He knew then he was going to making himself a hiding place for his cellphone. Then he started to dig. Using the shovelling to remove some of the soft sands. Just big enough to hide his cellphone from time to time. Wrapping his cellphone in a clear bag to protected before dropping out his cellphone into the dirt. Covering the cellphone with the soft sand he had already removed. Levelling it out. There were a few Rocks he placed to show him when his cellphone was buried. Knowing this was going to be a temporary hideout. Until he could work something out later. Picking up the shovel to walk back over the truck. Throwing the shovel back in the truck. 

To get in the truck himself to drive over to Michael. This wasn't a date or anything. He just wanted to talk Michael over a few things running through his head. Plus getting to see him was a good excuse too. Alex stopped at the nearby coffee shop picking up two coffees and some bacon butty. When he made some small talk with the waitress. When he waited for the food and drinks to be prepared. He grins and paid for the foods and that. Before heading out to get back in his truck to may his way over to Michael. Wasn't too long until he pulled at Michael’s, hoping he would be in. He stopped his truck getting out carrying breakfast and coffees. Banging on his trailer door. ”Guerin are you in”

:::::::::::::::::::::

Michael - -Michael had worked all day on an old chevy that was brought in. It needed a new transmission, he'd been honest with the guy a new transmission would cost more than the old car he was driving but they'd talked and he was passionate about the car so Michael had told him to give a bit see if he could track a used transmission somewhere or possibly rebuild this one. So he'd finally gotten it out and secured with the hoist then wheeled it over to a workbench so he could tear it down. 

Losing track of time because fixing things calmed him down made the world more bearable. He'd just got it all taken a part and was drinking a beer when he heard the vehicle pull up. Thinking it was Max he went over to the workshops frig and pulled another beer out and then walked out to go meet him. But it wasn't Max it was Alex and he couldn't help but smile. He didn't say anything yet he just watched him called out for him. He never got tired of watching Alex, he did this thing with his mouth when he got agitated. Clears his throat loudly, breaking into a huge smile. Holding the beers he just stared, covered in grease and sweat in an old shirt and blue jeans he laughed.- Sound like you miss me.

::::::::::::::::::::::: Jesse - -Jesse knew that Alex was smart, he was his son after all but he doubted that Alex knew the links he’d go too. Satellite imaging now days pretty much took the battle to another level and the tracker on his vehicle just confirmed what he already knew. It made him sick to his stomach knowing Guerin had his hands on his son. He was going to dissect his ass piece by piece while he was still breathing. The five guys he’d put on this hung back till the right time came along.-

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Alex: Alex wanted to just jump into his arms and kiss him. Because he was right. I had been missing him. This isn't the time for being all emotion wreck even when he was standings all there in his blue shirt covered in grease. Geeez this guy knows how to play on my heartstrings with him. ” What makes you think that? Maybe I was in the neighborhood and needed to talk to about something. With a playful smirk came over his face. Shall we go inside? Come on Guerin what are you waiting for. Your breakfast is getting cold?

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Michael: -Grins.- Neighborhood huh? Like are you going to visit the rattlesnakes or maybe the coyotes? -Closing the distance, taking a chance he leans in to kiss him. There was nobody around for miles so hopefully he wouldn't bulk.-

:::::::::::::::::::::::::

Alex: - He gives him a Playful grin- yeah, I heard there a hot mechanic that lives around here. I'm not exactly sure where he stay so I was passing by. So I thought if you weren't busy. You might want a bite to eat. I hear coyotes are supposed to taste like Chicken. If you want to go to Hunting sometime. -he grins- are we seriously going to taste each other like this? -Stepping towards him. *Kissing him out in the opening forgetting at that moment where he was*

:::::::::::::::::::::::::

Michael: In the neighborhood huh? Isn't anything in miles around here but if that's your story. Closing the distance he leaned in and kissed his lips before opening the trailer door for Alex. He could just be content to look at him for hours, he'd missed him so damn much when he'd taken off for war.- :::::::::::::::::: Alex: He couldn't wipe the grin from his face when he saw him. Being all rough and ready.

Yeah, I was in the neighbourhood when I was driving this way.

He laughed.

What can I say you're very memorable Guerin? You have me running all the way out here to see you and maybe get a kiss or two. Come on breakfast is getting cold I hope you are hungry?

-He wiggled his eyebrows at you. Walking straight into his trailer. He looked back watching you coming in with him. -

Remember to close the close Guerin. :::::::::::::::: Mchael: Bossy airman. Give you a little power and you become the supreme leader. :::::::::: Jesse: -Manes thugs sat back with a telescopic lenses watching the scene play out. They'd wait till Alec left Michael's to grab him so they could control the location and events that were able to go down. They also needed to make sure they were away from any prying eyes because who knew what capabilities he had and even if Jesse hated Michael he'd never put innocent civilians at risk if at all possible.- ::::::::::::::: Alex: -Alex laughed at Michael coming into the trailer. Closing the door behind him. - Sorry baby just old habits, I knew it that my uniform turns you on. - Putting their breakfast down on the table. Alex went to Michael to embrace Him with a passionately kiss. Because he wanted to be with him again since he hadn't seen him in a few days. His heart in his chest was beating so fast against his body. This guy meant everything to him. He was his world and deep down he wanted to make a real commitment to him. Build a life with him no hidden agendas. No running away just them in there love nest. Breaking his kiss. - Babe, I want to ask you something. -He felt nervous with his hands and face beginning to sweat. Wiping down his hands on his trousers to dry them. - ::::::::::::: Michael: -Kissed senseless he stood dazed and glazed over look at Alex. Blinks with a smile.- Umm sure ask away. :::::::::: Alex: Taking his hands in one of mine. Looking into his eyes.

You know you mean the world to me Michael. I want you to know how much I’m in love with you. As I'm standing here. When I think about you, I know that no one else will ever hold my heart the way you do.

When I look your eyes, I can see a reflection of the two of us and the life I hope we'll share.

I know my life will never be complete without you beside me to share it.

-Taking out a small box from his pocket. Opening it and present it to you. -

Will, you wear this ring as I promise you, no one will work harder to make you happy or cherish you more than me. I love you, Michael. *Alex bites his bottom lip wondering what he was going to say* ::::::::::::: Michael: -Michael watched Alex, looked down at his hands holding his own. They'd went back and forth a lot, hell Alex hadn't even wanted to be his boyfriend not long ago. Michael got it, Alex had a family that even though may not approve meant everything to Alex. Not really having much of a family, sure Max and Isobel loved him but they were out in their own family of two which he didn't quite fit into. So when he heard the words he was stunned a minute, eyes widened. He loved and he wanted this but Alex had a hard time with his father's disapproval.- I want to say yes but I'm worried when your Dad finds out he's going to go from seething to nuts. Alex I worry about what he'd do to you. I don't want you hurt. ::::::::::::::: Alex: Alex nodded at Michael, closing the box between his fingers with Michael words registered in his brain. He knew deep down Michael had questions over his actions. This may have been just out the blue for him. This was his way he had finally grown up, wanted him and was going to put Michael first in his life for once. He didn't care for once what his father might do. Even if he had his own doubts over his father actions over their relationship. This was huge for Alex. He mumbled ” I understand. You know he will need to accept you in my life on this day Or the next because I'm not going to give up on us. I'll even just match out of here. Being the Perfect soldier and go and have it out with him. Please don't worry. :::::::::::::: Michael: -Michael covered Alex's hand container the wedding band in its box.- I love you, yes I want to marry you Alex. Just want to make sure you're really ready for this and won't take off if Jesse turns up the heat. I don't blame you and I'm not doubting you. I just want you to know that I love you regardless. And I got your best interests at heart. :::::::::::::::::::: Alex: -Rubbing his thumb over Michael's hand. Looking up to Michael. - you really do? How many times do I need to repeat myself to you. I'm done running away. I'm staying this time. I'm ready to stand up to my father for once, you, me and us. Everything I want is in this trailer right now. I've hurted us too many times in the past and I won't hurt us anymore. [cupping his hand putting the box into Michael's hand] How about I leave this box with you. And I'll come back and out this ring on you. When I've talked with my father? :::::::::::::::::: Michael: If that's what you feel you need to do then alright. But if he get's stupid he's going to jail you get me? I will call Max and that will be the end of his violence towards you. Okay? ::::::::::::::: Alex: Yes, I do. I don't want any more secrets from you. You know who I am. I'm going to put all my cards on the table about the man I want to marry. My lips will never repeat about your true identity. Dad will have to listen and accept us because I love you, Michael Guerin. Yes, I Understand what you are saying. Finger crossed you won't need to do anything or call Max. When I can return to celebrate our news later. :::::::::::::::: Michael: Alright but if you don't call I'm coming to look for you. -Not convinced Alex's father is just going to let this ride.- ::::::::::: Alex: Yes, baby, I understand just give me a good few hours. Because I know this won't be a plain sailing conversation. We both know what my dad is like. Thank you for letting me do this my way. *Alex knew deep down this wasn't going to easy but didn't want Michael to worry.* :::::::::::::::: Michael: -Michael pulled him in for a heartfelt hug, he wanted to go with him but that would just make things worse. True Alex was grown but still Jesse Manes was a vindictive asshole with one dangerous temper.- :::::::::::::::: Alex: *Alex gripped him tightly around his body. Embracing him with a kiss. Not wanting to let go. The quicker he went the quicker he can return to him* ::::::::::::::: Michael: -Michael kisses his forehead, hands cupping his face.- I'll be here when you get back. I love you. ::::::::::::::: Alex: *His lips against his forehead made him weak at the knees. This was his man. Who he was falling more in love with every single day* Try and relax babe. I'll call you when I'm on my way back. Maybe we can do something to celebrate. ::::::::::::: Michael: Absolutely. Be safe baby. ::::::::::::::::::: Alex: [Alex kisses him passionately before breaking off] I’ll see you soon Baby. Try to have some fun without me, baby. [ Alex grins with a smile on his face. Leaving his trailer to walk to his truck to get in and drive off to where he planted his phone] ::::::::::::::::: Jesse: -Jesse's men watched Alex walk out and get into his vehicle. They gathered up their gear and left their coverage spot to intercept Alex once away from Michael's place.- ::::::::::: Michael: -As Alex left, Michael sat down at the small table in the airstream and looked at the black velvet box sitting there. Opening it he studied the ring there, still stunned he wondered it things would really go this way.- :::::::::::::: Alex: Alex stops his truck a few miles away from Michael place. Getting out to go and dig up his phone. This was the last time he was going to be Digging. His life was turning around for the better with his question to Michael early. He can’t stop smiling thinking about him. He reached into the hole to collect his phone. Taking it out the bag. Wiping some the sand from it. Wanting to send Michael a text. Putting his phone in his jacket pocket while he waits until it power itself up.

He turns when he jumped from behind when he was throwing onto the sand. Being hit over the head with a heavy item a gun a few time and someone hands over his throat. - who the hell are you? -Alex was trying to fight back with his hands being held. Whoever these five men were. They knew who he was taking my leg from me. Being punch in the stomach a few times and some into the face. Spitting some blood in his attacker's face. Siting on him laying into him. Alex's eyes were getting heaven with the restricting of air. When he was out cold. His hands were bonded and blindfolded. Picked up and throwing into the back Of a black truck. One of his attackers reported in - The package is secure Sir.

[fadefromthelight]

No. 23 - Exhaustion

Summary:  Julian’s taken a life with his own hands and he doesn’t know what to do with himself. He finds himself wandering through the capital, alone.

Read on: Ao3

Julian storms through the crowded streets of Cervyne, his hands shoved into his pockets and his head trained on the rough ground before him. Guilt and frustration and a bitter emotion he doesn’t want to address pools in his stomach. He’s disgusted with himself.

He’s disgusted with what he forced Blaze to do.

Blaze may not have shown it, but he didn’t enjoy killing any more than Julian did. He gritted through it to clean up from Julian mess but would’ve rather not been there in the first place. Julian can see the exasperation and frustration in Blaze’s gaze no matter how much he tries to hide it.

And it isn’t only due to Julian killing someone, Julian had to go and kill some of the most important people in the kingdom. The waters between the Thieves Guilds were murky and choppy at best, now they’re a sea full of harsh waves. They barely tolerated Golden Dawn’s presence, not acting only because of Blaze’s influence and lack of reasoning. Now Julian’s handed them one of a silver platter.

Blaze could solve this whole problem if he just offered Julian up, as much as the thought sickened him. But Blaze wouldn’t do something like that. His family comes before everything, even Golden Dawn.

If it was with any other circumstances, Julian would appreciate the gesture. But right now it just feels like Julian’s dragging the whole Guild down with him.

Julian stumbles, nearly falling to the ground if it weren’t for a steady hand on his shoulder. “Hey kid, are you alright?” A vaguely familiar voice says from above him, the concern palpable.

“I’m not a kid.” Julian makes a move to shove off the hand, but the grip tightens and he’s unsuccessful. He looks up to meet the deep red eyes of Dorian Revere.

Dorian’s drawn his bright red hair back against the base of his head, in no way taming it. He’s dressed in the Revere dark black and reds. The hand against Julian’s shoulder is gloved but it does nothing to hide the spark of magic in his grasp.

Dorian frowns, eyes narrowing and expression softening. He loosens his grip but doesn't remove his hand. “I’m Dorian Revere and you are?”

Julian swallows, fighting every instinct to shove his hand off his shoulder. A nobility looking closer at him could spell trouble, from both his family and his affiliations with Golden Dawn. “Julian.” He eventually forces out, doubting his ability to keep up with an alias.

“Well Julian, do you want to come with and sit down for a bit? You look a little unsteady on your feet.” Dorian glances up, eyes darting across the street to the nearby store fronts. “My store’s close.”

Julian would rather continue to wander the city alone, but he doesn’t think Dorian would drop this. The concern in his eyes is a bit too real for him to leave it at this. “Fine.”

Dorian removes his hand but keeps a watchful eye on Julian as he leads him through the streets. He stops a few blocks down, before an elegant building labelled Mariana Winery across the top in elaborate script. Julian frowns, his posture stiffening. The idea of being offered any alcohol sickens him.

Dorian unlocks the door and pushes it open. Light cuts into the empty bar, table scattered throughout the room and a sturdy-looking bar counter pressed against the far wall. Dorian steps inside and flicks on the lights. Julian follows him in, sitting in the chair Dorian gestures to.

“So this is yours?” Julian starts, tentative and hesitant. He glances around the room and taking in the refined nature. He didn’t think anyone other than the Oligarchy could own a place like this.

Dorian reaches from beneath the bar and pulls out a bottle. He pours the scarlet liquid into a crystalline glass. “It’s been in my family for generations.” He slides the glass over to Julian.

Julian grabs the glass, holding it gingerly in his grasp. It’s surprisingly cold against his skin. Dorian sighs and leans against the counter behind him. “It’s not alcoholic.”

Something must’ve shown in Julian’s expression. He brings the glass to his lips and takes a sip. It’s sweet with a thin, tart edge. He didn’t expect a bar to have grape juice. “Thank you.”

Something flickers across Dorian’s expression, too quick for Julian to decipher. “It’s no trouble.” Dorian glances to the door, the frown not leaving his face. But he turns back to Julian and continues to speak. “Now, can you—”

“Dorian! I didn’t know you were opening…” Another person charges into the bar, the crisp Cervyne military uniform over his shoulders and his hair a chilled shade of blue. His voice tapers off, quieting as his gaze lands on Julian. He stops a few paces in front of him. “Hey squirt, are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” Julian bites out, not meeting the man’s eyes. He instead takes another sip of his drink.

The man narrows his eyes, glancing between Julian and the drink in his hand. “Did you give him alcohol?”

Dorian glares at the wall, brows pressed together and drawing lines on his face. “It’s grape juice. The stuff that I always give you.” He sighs and shakes his head before returning his gaze to the man. “Keiran, why are you here?”

“I think the better question is: why do you have a kid in your bar?” Keiran walks over to the bar, leaning against it on Julian’s left.

“He almost fell over when I ran into him.” Dorian shifts against the table, fiddling with his gloves.

Keiran frowns, the concern covering the serious, cold expression previously on his face. He reaches out and his fingers brush against Julian’s shoulder. “Do you have anyone we can call?”

Julian shrugs. He has people he can call. He just doesn’t want to call them. “I guess. My brother might pick up.”

“And who's your brother?” Dorian asks, his expression oddly guarded.

Julian doesn’t want to give them his brother’s name. It’ll eventually be linked back to his family, Dorian out of anyone should know his connection to Blaze. “Blaze Galloway.”

Dorian looks over to Keiran, making eye contact with the man for the first time today. Something is conveyed between the two but Julian couldn’t pick up on it. Keiran turns back to him, a gentleness to his expression. “Do you want me to call this Blaze?”

Julian shakes his head. He places the glass down on the counter, the sound of it clattering against the wood echoing through the building. “I can do it myself.”

“Hey wait.” Dorian pushes off the table he’s been leaning against, reaching out to grab Julian’s arm. Julian twists away. “Don’t leave just yet.”

“Thank you again but I best be off.” Julian slides the chair back and tries to stand.

His legs crumple beneath him, the world tilting and swirling. A hand wraps around his arm, digging into the fabric of his jacket. Moments later his vision darkens and he blacks out.

——

Keiran grabs Julian’s arms before Dorian can even react, holding the kid upright and stopping him from collapsing to the floor. Keiran can’t school the surprise out of his face before Dorian catches it. “That wasn’t good.” Keiran provides unhelpfully, carefully maneuvering Julian back into his chair. “Do you think he’ll need to go to the hospital?”

Dorian wishes that he could say that Julian didn’t, but the state of the kid’s magic couldn’t be ignored. “His magic level’s low. At the very least he has minor lynatheo, if not worse.”

Keiran pulls off his glove and presses two fingers to Julian’s neck. His expression only darkens. “It’s pretty serious but not life threatening. A hospital should be able to fix him up.” He removes his finger, pulling his glove back on.

Dorian grabs the glass, dragging it further down the counter. He had hoped the sugar would be enough to give Julian a little more energy. He couldn’t exactly give him any alcohol. “We’ll have to contact Blaze.”

Keiran nods, humming in agreeance. “Did you get his name?”

“Julian.” Dorian pauses. He didn’t want to make any assumptions, but the magic was too similar to be a coincidence. “The Levine, if I’m not mistaken.”

“We’ll have to add Lucien to that call list.” Keiran glances over to Dorian, a question in his gaze.

Dorian shakes his head. “Let’s get him to the hospital and then we’ll make some calls. I’ll handle Blaze, do you have Lucien?”

Keiran frowns, reluctance heavy in it. “I can do that.” He reaches over and pulls Julian into his arms. The frown only grows deeper.

“What’s wrong?” Dorian’s voice is sharper and more stilted that he would’ve liked. He walks around the counter, trying not to hover awkwardly beside them.

“He’s light.” Keiran adjusts his grip, holding Julian by his shoulders and under his knees. The ‘too light’ was left unspoken.

“Let’s just get him to the hospital. We can deal with the rest afterwards.” Dorian strides over to the door, opening it for Keiran. (It wasn’t for Keiran. It was for Julian, Keiran just happened to be holding him.) He levels Keiran with a pointed look just before he crosses through the door. “And you’re not going to get out of telling me why you’re here.”

Keiran huffs as he steps through the door. “I wouldn’t dream of it.” He activates his wings, the blue gleaming in the sun. It’s a little tacky that he dyed his hair to match the color of his wings.

Dorian locks the door behind him, activating his own wings. Keiran glances over to him, something unreadable in his expression, before he takes off into the sky. A moment later, Dorian follows him.

——

Dorian leans against the outer wall of the hospital, the night air biting into the exposed skin on his face. He crosses his arms over his chest, his jaw aching. The second Blaze saw him standing in Julian’s room, he pounced. It was only a single punch, but Blaze knew exactly where to swing and how much magic to lace it with.

He has to say he was lucky to make off with only a bruised jaw and a barely veiled threat. It’s only been a week since Blaze took out Matteo and Michelle after all. Not Golden Dawn’s smartest move, they practically declared war with it, but Dorian can understand the sentiment.

This is a game where everything goes to climb to the top. He can attest to that. It wasn’t easy to drag the fractured remains of Nightfall into some semblance of control.

But he did what he had to do and that’s all that matters in the end. And if he��s the only one who knows the true story, then it isn’t anyone else’s place to tell, now is it?

The hospital doors slide open with a click and Dorian glances over. Keiran walks out, straightening his jacket and adjusting his gloves. He glances over and spots Dorian, much to Dorian’s dismay. Keiran’s gaze darts down to Dorian’s jaw and a thin, mocking grin rests on his face. “Blaze got you good, didn’t he?” If Dorian didn’t know better, he’d say there was concern in Keiran’s voice.

“Does that even matter?” Dorian doesn’t look Keiran in the eyes, instead watching the hospital doors over his right shoulder.

“Only if you should be in a bed too.” Keiran gestures to the hospital with a flicker of his head, his voice light.

“It’s not that bad.” Dorian brings a hand up to his face, brushing his fingers against his jaw. He hasn’t seen it in a few hours, not since he’s stepped outside of the hospital. Who knows what it could look like now.

Dorian can feel Keiran’s gaze heavy on his face. Keiran glances around the empty parking lot, his magic sparking his grasp. Small shards of ice form in his hand, gleaming yellow from the lamp light. He pulls out a small cloth from his pocket and wraps the ice. He holds it out to Dorian, oddly hesitant. “Here.”

Dorian stares at it, confusion pressing into his expression. “Why?”

Keiran narrows his eyes, exasperation and frustration cutting through his voice. “For your face, idiot.”

“Oh.” Dorian drops his hand from his face and grabs the cloth. It’s cold, bitingly so, but it's soothing against his jaw. “You didn’t have to do that.”

Something broken settles in Keiran’s gaze, fractured concern or something like it. But his grin doesn’t waver. “I didn’t want to ruin your reputation with your face messed up.”

Dorian grimaces. “Why are you really here, Keiran? It’s not just to mock me, is it?”

The grin falls from Keiran’s face, his expression sobering. “It’s about why I came to Mariana today.”

Dorian finally drags his gaze up to meet Keiran’s eyes, the icy blue set with a dark edge. “What is it?” Dorian forces out.

Keiran crosses his arms over his chest, leaning up against the wall. His posture is too stiff to feign nonchalance. “They’ve closed our father’s case.”

Dorian stiffens, the familiar grip of anxiety washing over him. He doesn’t let any of this show on his face, except for a carefully crafted veil of shock. “They’ve finally caught my father’s killer?”

Dorian already knows the answer, but he has to ask the question anyway.

Keiran frowns, eyes narrowed and vaguely suspicious. And maybe a touch hurt. “We haven’t. But Jane decided that they’re no use keeping it open. It’s grown cold and no more evidence has surfaced.”

He didn’t think any would’ve. “Nothing came out of the magic they found at the scene? Weren’t they saying that it was fire magic of all things?”

Keiran’s gaze flickers between Dorian and something over his shoulder. It returns to Dorian, sharper than before. “It was inconclusive. The signature was too damaged to make out anything relevant.”

Dorian hums. “Unfortunate, isn’t it?” His voice is a little too tight for comfort.

Keiran relaxes, the easy grin returning to his face. “It is.”

Keiran may know too much, but at the very least he’s not going to say anything, Dorian can count on that. Keiran enjoys the chaotic entertainment it brings too much to let the whole thing topple by saying the truth.

And if it requires the exploitation of the bonds Keiran foolishly believes they have, well Dorian’s done much worse without a shred of guilt.

[rainforestgeek]

If you lose your strength to stand (I”m gonna reach for your hand) pt. 12 “Enemies, and their Power”

Part 11

AO3 link

Being American, I reserve the right to make digs at the U.S.

--

Pidge took a deep gulp from her caffeinated fruit-tea (God bless Hunk, honestly). The hangar where Hunk, Lotor, and Allura worked on the quintessence ships was huge and had catwalks all along the walls. Pidge had hit dead end after dead end with tracking Haggar through the clone until she was absolutely ready to scream. Once she realized she was just staring at the wall instead of working, Pidge took her equipment from the Green hangar to perch on one of the catwalks.

Allura had just walked out to go to the bridge. She passed by Pidge’s perch close enough that Pidge overheard her conversation with Lance – those comm earrings were pretty loud.

Keith was such a fucking hypocrite.

Pidge had never quite forgotten the day that, over a year ago, Keith yelled at her for trying to leave Voltron and find her family. He’d hurled accusations at her like a firing squad. He’d called her selfish. That’d hit too close to home. She remembered his voice echoing in her head alongside the voices of school kids who’d said she was cold or weird or didn’t care about anyone but her robots. She didn’t get that expectation that she had to feel for strangers; it’s not like she had the time or energy to prioritize everyone in the world.

Of course Pidge had learned a lot since then. There was such a thing as caring without that visceral wrench in her stomach. She could understand and prioritize the good for people she didn’t know and love. There was such a thing as empathy without instinct.

But it wasn’t fair that Keith thought he could run away from the war he used to dive headfirst into. He’d been all invested when Shiro had been here, when he’d had his family. He shouldn’t talk about selfish.

Pidge hoped Lance would snap him out of whatever weird-ass funk this was. If she had to work despite her grief then so did Keith.

Meanwhile, the Shiro-clone was still in stasis. Presumably, if he was being monitored, manipulated, and controlled by Haggar, it would be through the mechanical arm. It’s probably not as efficient as having it hooked up directly to the brain, but Hunk was certain that access through the shoulder into the central nervous system was sufficient. Even with the change of scenery (which often helped her think) Pidge was about ready to throw her laptop at the wall, though, because no matter what she tried the arm software was a fucking dead end.

Actually, no, never the laptop no matter how angry or frustrated she got. That computer was her baby. She’d built it back on Earth and added a ton of Altean modifications to the hardware – including some incredibly impressive RAM that allowed her to multitask like a crazy person and put the computer’s original 64 GB to shame.

Pidge pulled up the clone’s medical records. The cryo-pod did a full body scan twice a varga and she’d linked the data to continuously upload to her laptop (thank you, alien random access memory), focusing on the CNS. And –

Okay, that was different. The original clone scans showed no distinction between those of the real Shiro, allowing for expected discrepancies on the cellular and molecular levels due to time passing. One of the things the pods monitored closely was an individual’s quintessence. She was no biologist, but Pidge did grasp the basic concepts of thermodynamics and the quintessence seemed to be deteriorating. She didn’t know what it meant, though.

A hefty creaking noise distracted her. Hunk pulled his way onto the catwalk and settled in beside her. “Pidge. Can I chew your ear for a minute?”

“Aren’t you busy?”

“Lotor went to make some, uh, conference calls, I think.”

Pidge glared at the computer screen and decided to fuck it, she’s not getting anywhere with this anyway. “Yeah, why not. Shoot.”

Hunk blew out a puff of air. “We’ve made a lot of progress on the technology. Allura’s been working on adapting the ships to travel between universes and I’m really close to finding the most efficient ways to collect and contain the energy. It’s just, um…what if we aren’t doing the right thing here, Pidge?”

She eyed him. “If we can end the war without more war, I’m all for it. I know I wasn’t on board at first, and I’m no economist, but this seems like a good way to stabilize the universe.”

“I’m just thinking. Humans and galra have one big thing in common: exhausting resources. Sure, the quintessence field seems endless now, but the same can be said for every single resource humans overexploited in history. We don’t know how this could affect the universe.” He was getting worked up.

“Hunk.” Pidge placed a hand on his wrist, knowing he takes comfort from even small touches. “You’re a huge part of this project. You and Allura can find a way to make this harvesting sustainable.”

He hummed. His bushy eyebrows drew together.

Pidge continued, “Is this really the only thing bugging you?”

“I’m not…convinced doing this harvesting will lead to peace. Like, I get why Lotor thinks this will solve things,” Hunk said in a low voice. “Increase supply, satisfy demand, spare bad harvesting practices etc. But what do the galra need all this quintessence for?”

“I don’t know, space ships? Power grids? Fuel?…Weapons?”

“Exactly. These guys have been conquering for thousands of years. How can we be sure they won’t just keep conquering when we hand over the power?”

Pidge massaged her temples. “I hear you Hunk, but I’m way out of my depth here. I’d rather trust that Allura and Lotor know way more about alien politics and economics than I do, you know, being born rulers and everything.”

“Since when did you trust Lotor?”

Pidge finally tore her eyes away from the screen and leaned in close to Hunk. “I trust Allura. Do you, do you think Lotor can pull the wool over her eyes?”

“Yeah, well, the man has only been a military strategist for several millennia, I think it’s probable.”

Pidge pulled up another window. “If it makes you feel any better, I’ve been keeping up with the news. Lotor is on the manhunt for any and all galra factions who don’t pledge loyalty to him. And most of the ones who have are extracting their control over recently conquered sectors. It’s a start.”

“How do you completely reform a culture that’s built on war and conquest?”

“Rome and America became republics, didn’t they?”

Hunk groaned and rubbed his eyes. “It’s so complicated. I wish I could just fix up these ships and that would automatically make everything okay.”

She patted his shoulder. “I know the feeling. I’m confused here, too. Look.”

“Aren’t those scans of the fake Shiro? Why…man I can’t read these, why’s the blue glowing in the middle getting dimmer in each picture?”

“It’s his quintessence. It’s deteriorating. But look, it didn’t start until after we put him in stasis, see? The readings are exactly the same between the scan of Shiro and the very first scan of the clone.”

Understanding lit up Hunk’s face. Good, good, thermodynamics were safe, comprehensible ground. “And that’s when the energy started wasting away. Nothing’s regenerating the quintessence. Pidge, Haggar’s magic!”

She banged her fist on the catwalk. The echoing clang make Hunk flinch. “Of course! I should’ve figured that out. If it doesn’t make sense, then magic.” She huffed a sigh. “But if there’s no magic connected to the clone then that means I can’t trace it. It’s another dead end.”

Hunk was quiet for a few minutes, while Pidge stewed in her failure.

"Although," Hunk said, "Zarkon was obsessed with quintessence for his own personal use. He's gone now and if we get rid of Haggar too, then the demand should go down significantly. She's our biggest threat right now and with so much of the military devoted to Lotor he should be able to keep the rogues in check, right?"

Pidge shut her laptop. "See, you figured it out. What do you need me for."

---

“So let me get this straight.”

It was first thing in the morning, and they were in the Blade-equivalent of a conference room with Krolia and Kolivan. Lance pressed his fingertips to his temple like he was trying to organize something in his head (except in Keith’s experience, that usually happened out loud).

Lance gestured to Krolia. “You were undercover at Ranveig’s base, where he intercepted mega-powerful quintessence and accidentally used it to create a terrifying robeast but without the robot parts. Which you both then sic-ed onto a different general attacking the base so you could escape and presumably that thing is still on the planet.

“And you’ve tracked the quintessence to its source but it’s guarded by impenetrable space-time anomalies and we don’t know who was shipping it.”

Keith said, “It does fit Haggar’s M.O.”

Lance sighed. “We should call the Castle of Lions and get them in on this meeting.”

--

Pidge just about leapt out of her skin (and did leap out of her bed) at the loud, insistent banging on her door. She tripped over something on her floor and narrowly avoided face-planting in a pile of dirty socks.

“Pidge! Pidge, wake up!”

Vision still kinda fuzzy from sleep, she scrambled to her feet to slam her hand against the door panel. It hissed open as Hunk prepared to pound on it again. Had he been any shorter he would have punched Pidge in the head, but as it was his fist met thin air and he had to windmill his arms to not fall on her.

“Hunk! What is it? What’s happening?” Pidge demanded.

“Whoa, hey chill out. There’s no emergency.”

She glared at him. “Did you just scare me awake for shits and giggles? Do you have any idea how loud it is when you bang on a metal surface?!”

Because he was the worst, Hunk flat-out ignored her tirade. “Your brother, Lance, and Keith want everyone on a conference call. We’ve been trying to wake you up for half an hour.”

Pidge took a deep breath in through her nose. Then let it out. “If you value our continued friendship, you will get me the largest canteen you can find and fill it to the brim with the not-coffee. And it better fucking be hot.”

It was hot, and she and everyone else were soon in front of multiple huge screens showing her brother, her missing teammates, Kolivan, and another galra she didn’t recognize. The first thing that happened was Keith held up a placating hand before Allura could lay into him.

“I know what you’re going to say, and I’m sorry for leaving without telling you guys why. I got overwhelmed and needed to do something. But it won’t happen again.”

Allura drummed her fingers irritably. “It better not.”

“And by something,” Lance interjected, “Keith here means he had to have some face time with his LONG LOST MOTHER. Guys, meet Krolia, Keith’s galra mom!”

Pidge choked mid-drink and spewed liquid all over Hunk. Fucking what????

“Pidge, did you just do an actual spit take?” Lance demanded, blatantly ignoring the irritated glare Keith was shooting him.

“Did you deliberately wait until I was taking a sip to say that?”

“Depends.”

“Okay, you two can flirt later,” Matt said. Lance’s entire face and neck flushed. “We have important news.”

They proceeded to explain the quintessence the super-powerful quintessence, the spacetime equivalent of a minefield they’d tracked it to, and their suspicions that Haggar was somehow mining it to fuel her military and her magic.

Pidge downed the rest of her “caffeine” in two gulps.

“We believe the source is behind the quantum abyss, rather than the abyss itself,” Kolivan was explaining. “If we can cut Haggar off from her major quintessence supply then we stand a far greater chance at permanently vanquishing her forces.”

Krolia spoke, “The tricky part is navigating the abyss. It requires precise calculations and the consequences of being trapped inside would be dire.”

“Hunk, Pidge, think you can work through those calculations?” Keith asked.

They responded with a synchronous “probably.” Pidge thanked God she now had a new project to work on. One more day with the stupid clone arm and she was gonna lose her hair.

“I believe I know where that quintessence is coming from.” Lotor’s cool voice silenced the entire room. Pidge noticed with shock that his face had gone paper-white. He looked like the ghost of a general rather than a living emperor.

“It is a place I have not been to in some time."

Part 13