#if you dont then your community and allyship needs work.

[fearforthestorm]

wow what a great day to support people who experience "love" in an atypical way and often feel left out when people talk about how love is what makes us human. this post goes out to all our aspec (especially aplatonic), loveless, low/no empathy folks, and everyone else who can relate here too. from one low-empathy aro to everyone else who feels ostracized because of the feelings they experience - or are expected to experience but don't - i see you, and you're wonderful, and there's nothing wrong with you, and our experiences are important and beautiful and in no way lesser than anyone else's. <2

[apocalypse-gang]

to be honest I don't understand why everyone feels so entitled or even assumes everyone needs to have the same sentiments. You have to deal with the fact not everyone wants to fights others' battles. There are people with their own problems and bigotry they're dealing with to care about a wizard's game.

It's not entitlement, it's an ask. It's begging. It's an ask to not financially support a multi-millionaire who uses her royalties to give money to organizations that are successfully trying to dehumanize and strip the rights of trans people. It is an ask not to support a game that entire premise depends dangerous and dehumanizing Jewish stereotyping, that was put into this fictional world by JKR herself.

My frustration is that people are actively claiming to be allies and even acting morally superior, for buying a game that trans and jewish communities have been begging people not to buy. You are not an ally if you buy this game. If you know what Joanne is doing is wrong, and you know how she uses her money, yet they are ignoring it for their own interests and nostalgia. You are not an ally. Allyship doesn't fluctuate when it's convenient for you, and you can't buy back your allyship or forgiveness if you donate to charities. It's selfish.

I constantly live with the fact that no one fights others' battles, and I'm still frustrated by it. We were put on this earth to protect our fellow man, and people just won't. I know we can't all constantly fight for ourselves and others' 24/7 while also living ori day to day life. Our world is too big for that. But this is not people choosing not the fight. It's people consciously choosing to give money to the ones harming people. I constantly live with the fact that people aren't fighting our battle for and with us because no one actually cares about trans people. Most of the world doesn't care about us, and people are trying to destroy us. And here we have "allies" who throw get frustrated they feel guilty and people dont like that they are knowingly put their money into a influential, multi-millionaire bigot's pockets. Those that are mad that people don't want them to play the Blood Libel slavery simulator game.

It's literally asking people to not buy a video game. That's all people are asking. It's an inaction. No one's asking people to vote, no one's asking people to wave flags or sign petition, people literally asking you not to spend money on a game. Its a gesture. The bare minimum. It was doing nothing and people couldn't do that. That was it. People couldn't do even do nothing for the Jewish and trans communities.

For the people with their own problems and bigotry they're dealing with, a video game isn't going to fix it. A video game isn't going to save them. And if they are someone who is maganalized, it is very, very likely JKR doesn't care about them either. Her work and her views are extremely racist, xenophobic, fatphobic, even things having misogyny and homophobia, and things she claims to dislike. Her and her posse are willing to align with whit supremacists in order to continue their cause. Her bigotry will only get worse with time. So why financially support someone who is only going to harm marganalized groups. You are knowingly putting your wants above real people who will be harmed. If you buy the game, you have to accept that fact. You can't work your away around it, or try to donate away your guilt.

No one needs a Harry Potter game. No one will die without getting the game. The game won't fix any of your problems.the game won't stop the bigotry you deal with personally.

All people asked for was literally nothing. Do nothing. It's not spending $70 dollar on a video game and not playing it. It's a symbol of support, showing you won't support someone so cruel. All people asked if people would do nothing when a game came out. Why is it so controversial to ask that of people? Why is it so controversial to be upset about when people don't do it?

Why should i not be frustrated with the injustices of the world? Why should I settle for apathy?

[intersexfairy]

i've decided based on your suggestions and another intersex person in the notes of the most recent response that it would be best not to associate myself with the intersex community aside from allyship & overlap, yeah? i'll keep looking for where i actually belong in a more specific sense than just "(reproductively?) disabled" (pmdd isn't the only reason i consider myself definitely physically disabled btw!) so that i'm not grouping myself in with people i don't meet the requirements to do so with.

on that note though, if "sex-nonconforming" is a plausible label, then what is the difference between that and intersex? i'm not sure if i should call myself that either if they're as similar as they sound, y'know? if some people in the community do consider my condition as intersex then that's great, but i'd imagine it's probably a minority, and if i don't have reason to believe that it involves a difference in actual sex hormones then i would be hesitant to even say it's even in the same realm, which SNC implies to me.

sorry to keep bothering you!

sex nonconformity is the counterpart to gender nonconformity - it really is up to our interpretations of sex & gender, and whether our experiences feels nonconformant to us. this is opposed to how being intersex is a sex variation, caused by congenital factors (or some acquired conditions, imo).

to go on a tangent, to me, intersex is a combination of a queer identity and a condition/bodily state of being. its similar to transness in how it defies the sex & gender binaries, and we experience dysphoria/euphoria. it's similar to fatness or short stature, in how our bodies just Are this way, and people think we need to be fixed - for aesthetic or (often bogus) health reasons. and sometimes its similar to chronic illness/disability, either due to being caused by a chronic illness/disability, or by having some negative effects on our health.

as such, we often face both queerphobia and ableism (even if we aren't Disabled, it's similar to how fatphobia is ableist, or some neurodivergent people arent Disabled but still face ableism - due to the fact their bodyminds just dont work like others do). so yeah. a lot of intersex people are nonconforming, but it isnt the same thing.

[feuilletoniste]

Right so I’m sure we all agree that saying, “If you’re a Muslim, you must denounce ISIS every time you interact with a queer person or woman or non-Muslim” is shitty, right? Or saying, “If you’re a Jew, understand that some people will be uncomfortable with you on the basis of your religious beliefs and/or upbringing” is shitty, right? So why is this sort of shit okay?

Original post: okay heres a genuine advice post for pagans who DO want to be allies to poc, jews, muslims, etc etc etc: grow comfortable with people not trusting you. make peace with it. dont get defensive, just let it be. Im gonna use norse paganism as an example for ease of typing but this applies to all pagan branches. yes even you hellenic polytheism. Its true! Not all norse pagan are neo nazis. There are DOZENS of good, wonderful norse pagans. Everyone knows that. However the issue is that there are just enough who are neo nazis. And its not just a small batch. Its more than you think. Its entire movements of facism. That is not your fault - no one is personally accusing you of contributing to that. But it is still a part of your religion that you are responsible for, and you do benefit from the supremacy it offers. Again, not your fault, its just the way it is. So because of that, you need to understand that minorities are justifed in not trusting the ENTIRE religion, which does indeed include you. Because mistrusting one person could be the last thing we do. Its not a slight against you, its an act of self preservation. So when a minority expresses that distrust, they ask norse pagans to not interact, or they say they are uncomfortable with those symbols, the correct response is to respect that boundary. Entirely. Don’t go onto the post talking about how you’re one of the good ones, dont talk about how much you hate nazis. If you TRUELY want to be a “good one” then your first step should be to respect boundaries. And that includes when minorities distrust you, personally. Then your second step should be to do MEANINGFUL efforts to combat the “bad ones” and that doesnt mean rbing a post that says “nazis arent welcome here”. That means critical engaging with traditions, with people, and doing a lot of self reflection to unlearn that shit. Because you also internalized more than you think, which isnt your fault exactly, but it is still your responsibility to unlearn it. And ultimately it comes down to acknowledging how the religion benefits you. Instead of using being rejected as an opportunity to sulk or get into a fight with said minority use it as a chance to improve yourself, your religion, and your allyship. If you truely are one of the good ones, then thats what you should want to do anyway. And minorities do notice who actually cares and who is performative, and we appreciate honest effort And if people have genuine questions about anything im in a mood to answer. education is far better than discourse. // also: understand that there is no inherent dichotomy between poc and paganism, that there are pagans of color and have been for the many decades in which neopaganism has been a thing and has grown like it’s all well and good to holler about punching nazis and signing pledges, but what have you done to make your co-religionists of color feel safe and welcome in the community? do you even grok that we are co-religionists and that this is a shared community, or do you perhaps view it as Yours and see poc as outsiders that need to be welcomed into it? (there is absolutely a difference between these things) do the recons among you value the work and scholarship of academics of color—particularly classicists of color, for hellenic recons? speaking out against obvious fash is critical but do you keep that same energy when anti-Blackness, antisemitism, etc is coming from people you actually consider yourself in community with? if you genuinely consider yourself an ally these are some hard questions you need to continually ask yourself and unpack. [sic]

[champsays]

“Adam” The Film And It’s Problematic Implications

Okay, so first of all — YES IM LATE TO THE PARTY! Apparently there’s a film called “Adam” that is coming out this summer based on a YA novel written by a white lesbian woman that is supposed to be super groundbreaking for the LGBT+ community. I’ve never heard of the book or the film until recently because of some backlash I saw on twitter. I didn’t wanna join the band wagon without being properly informed so I did my research and I must say that the backlash surrounding this film is completely just and warranted.

The novel written by Ariel Schrag is about a cis, white teenage boy who has bad luck with girls so when he goes to visit his lesbian sister in New York, who is at the moment dating a transman, he decides to pretend to be trans so he can bag himself a hot lesbian. He does this after being mistaken for trans and decides to run with it. He falls hard for the “hot lesbin girl” and in one scene they even have sex where he actually uses his real penis to penetrate her even though she thought it was a strap on. He goes to a Trans Camp where he eventually feels bad about his actions and confesses to the girl. But for some reason she’s not as mad and even says that ‘it’s okay because she imagined him as a real a boy anyway.’ A lot more happens but that’s the summarized version.

Despite the backlash, some movie executives thought that it would be groundbreaking to make this novel into a film and here’s why that’s a huge mistake. How many Hollywood movies have we seen where a White, Cis male has infiltrated the safe spaces of a marginalized community for personal/sexual gain and then eventually learns how these actions are problematic? We’ve seen this same story play out plenty of times on screen but now that LGBT allyship is trendy in Hollywood, the powers that be thought they were doing something groundbreaking and pushing the envelope by making this highly offensive film.

First of all, the fact that the original novel was written by a lesbian just goes to show how education on trans identity is very scarce even in the Queer community and we have to do better in that regard. But how many times do we need to see a white boy using real issues to get laid on screen? This could have easily been a story about an actual transman coming to terms with his identity in life and in romance. But instead lets create a story where trans is essentially a costume. Hell, a story about the main character’s sister would have been more interesting and more authentic to the author’s personal experience. It also proves that just because you identify as being apart of the LGBT+ community, it doesnt necessarily mean you are qualified to tell stories about all of our experiences.

Now besides the highly problematic narrative and offensive nuances, the writer literally tries to romanticize a rape scene. In the book, the main character tells his lesbian girlfriend that he is using a strap on to penetrate her but in fact he uses his real penis. The girlfriend didnt consent to that which is, by definition, RAPE. Make no mistake, when engaging in any sexual activity and one party decides to go a step further without the consent of their partner that is considered rape. Not to mention the horrible implication that trans men arent real men. Or the fact that lesbians can be “fixed” by having sex with a ‘real man’. That’s right! In the book, the girlfriend of the main character ends up getting a cis boyfriend. Does this make her bisexual or has she decided to be completely hetero? We really dont know but the implication is not okay, especially for this to be a YA novel. If you marry that idea with how impressionable young adults can be, smells like a recipe for disaster.

I can’t continue without saying that there are actually straight men who prowl gay bars hoping to connect with a “hot lesbian” to convert her back to liking “real men”. I’ve personally encountered men with this exact mindset so to fantasize this very problematic behavior into a book AND movie just perpetuates the notion that gayness/queerness/trans identity is curable.

I perused through youtube to find a few videos and interviews of the filmmakers talking about the movie amidst the backlash and the director Rhys Ernst is surprisingly one of the directors that works on the critically acclaimed show “Transparent”. As popular as that show is and as talented as Jeffrey Tambor is, the show is still riddled with its own issues by allowing a Cis White man to play a trans person eseentially taking a job away from an actual trans actor. An issue that even Jeffrey Tambor ironically shed light on during his acceptance speech after winning a Golden Globe Award for Best Actor for his performance in the role.

One would think that in an industry where LGBT+ stories have been scarce for so long that we should rejoice in the small triumphs. On the surface, this film is being paraded around as artistic genius amplifying the voices of the trans community and employing those who belong to the community in front AND BEHIND the camera. We should be applauding this right? WRONG. This story is essentially about the trans community through the lens of a selfish, insecure, sex crazed straight man and we are tired of seeing that portrayed on screen. I looked on IMDB and it says that this film comes out in August and I’m sure it will have a strong marketing campaign that will be wrapped in a beatiful bow of romance, inclusion, and acceptance but don’t be fooled.

We live in a climate where standing up for what’s right is frowned upon. Where people mistake using your voice as another cry for political correctness. You even have people saying this new generation is “too sensitive”. Well I beg to differ. We are not sensitive at all. We just choose to not be as passive as our parents and grandparents were. We have decided to not apologize when we tell you how we want to be treated. And if that’s an issue for you, take it up with God or whatever higher power you choose to believe in. I’d rather be politically correct than completely deaf and oblivious to the experiences of a marginalized people — and that’s what Champ says!

[illness]

sapphicpsychic replied to your post: @studfem replied to your post: ...

i mean to be fair it /is/ mostly kids and sometimes when ur closeted and live in rural hellscapes it makes you feel like youre doing something (even if youre not) when you literally cant do anything. like i know its frustrating from an outside experience and sure a lot of it could be just “im so woke” type allyship but like. i dont exactly expect 14 year olds to have a full understanding of like… discrimination and systems and shit. i sure as hell didnt. idk its just tumblr just unfollow/block if they bother you? im p neutral towards post like that. they might be a little stupid but id rather see that than certain other types of memes and shit

lemme rephrase. if kids wanna do it? cool. fun. i am p embarrassed of my lil weeb phase but i had fun so they can go buck wild. i did not have children in mind when talking about my post because i am very close to, legally, not being a child myself. the post was directed at adults.

i am not more privileged because i may be able to be more active in a way that benefits the LGBT community. i still deal with stigma from my friends (irl), family, and the goddamn world. i am not better because i can be more active. if you’re closeted, i feel like the first step would be to find acceptance in yourself, not another sexuality.

i do not feel more accepted, as a bisexual girl, by text on my screen from a rando who happens to exclusively love women/be trans/WHATEVER going “i ACCEPT you :)” .. as if i don’t deserve acceptance by default? pshaw!! is the fact that i like more than a single gender SO wild to some people that i need to be told i’m an okay human being?? is the fact that someone only likes their same gender worthy of unwanted assurance that you’re acceptable? what’s the implication, then? that you or i aren’t normal? we hear this from straight people, but to see those in the LGBT community adopt that hollow sentiment of “’Gay Rights!’ - Jennifer Lawrence” is disheartening.

if it works for someone? great. i’m glad you can garner something from it, just like how i was glad that people somehow took something from the validation posts.

but personally speaking – and yes, i’m speaking for myself, as this ultimately is a personal blog – it does nothing for me. i feel patronized.

[msbgumba]

A Student Body Call To Action

For many of us, the last month has been filled with immense pain and sadness. Ahmaud Arbery, Breonna Taylor, Christian Cooper, and George Floyd.  The racial injustices we've all been watching and reading are not unique, but have been a lived experience for Black Americans for centuries. As student representatives, we condemn the violent actions taken against black and brown bodies by the very same people who are charged to “serve and protect.” The stories of the last month have made it more evident than ever that in America, the value of your life is determined by the skin you live in. This is a truth that we here at Georgetown McDonough, and with many others across the country, refuse to let stand.

We recognize that our Black students are feeling the events of the past week more deeply and intensely. We as a Hoya community see you, stand by you, and are ready to support you. The constant news and traumatic images and videos of people who look like you being attacked, berated, and murdered can be incredibly taxing and mentally draining. Counseling and Psychiatric Services CAPS and Center for Multicultural Equity and Access CMEA are here to support your mental and emotional health.

We know that we have many allies in the community, many of whom are spurred with anger and frustration but may also be unsure of how to take action to make a tangible difference.

"It is not enough to be quietly non-racist, now is the time to be vocally anti-racist."

Below are some beginning resources on how to be an ally in the fight for racial equity and equality. While some actions are great for generating awareness, we challenge ourselves to think about what we can do on a daily basis to fight against racism.    

1. Educate yourself though listening, watching and reading. Remember: it's not the responsibility of marginalized people to educate you.  This link will be a repository for more resources as we add to them.

Anti Racism Resources: This document is intended to serve as a resource to white people and parents to deepen our anti-racism work. If you haven’t engaged in anti-racism work in the past, start now. Feel free to circulate this document on social media and with your friends, family, and colleagues. It contains Books, Movies, Podcasts, Articles, and more.

Learn Black History: These are just milestones, and thus high level, but even they are not taught in much detail in our schools growing up. Learn about the Tulsa Race Massacre: Race riots of 1921, where Greenwood, known as Black Wall-Street, was looted and burned by white rioters. For more history, check out the ‘1619’ podcast by the NYTimes

Learn the Facts about Police Brutality: Mapping Police Violence Research Shows: Of the 7666 times that a police officers killed people in the U.S. between 2013 and 2019, only 25 (0.3%) resulted in a conviction, 74 (1.0%) resulted in a charge, but no conviction, and 7,567 (98.7%) resulted in no charges whatsoever. Of those that were convicted, only 9 received 20 years+ in prison.

Trevor Noah Daily Show: Trevor shares his thoughts on the killing of George Floyd, the protests in Minneapolis, the dominos of racial injustice and police brutality, and how the contract between society and Black Americans has been broken time and time again

Your Black Colleagues May Look Like They’re Okay — Chances Are They’re Not: By Danielle Cadet

Why You Need to Stop Saying "All Lives Matter": By Rachel Elizabeth Cargyle

10 Steps to non-optical Allyship: by Mirielle Charper

26 ways to be in the struggle beyond the streets: Learn about some of the "socially acceptable" racist actions you may have unknowingly taken part in the past, and make a plan to change that behavior for the future. Check page 2 of this link for the graphic.

Obama Anguish and Action: even more ways to get informed, stay engaged, and take action.

Businesses must take action against Racism: An article that just came out in the last hour from our very own Professor Ella Washington.

2. Donate to organizations  

George Floyd Memorial Fund: official GoFundMe to support the Floyd family

Minnesota Freedom Fund: community-based non-profit that pays criminal bail and immigration bonds for individuals who have been arrested while protesting police brutality.

Black Visions Collective: a black, trans, and queer led organization that is committed to dismantling systems of oppression and violence and shifting the public narrative to create transformative long term change.

Reclaim the Block: coalition that advocates and invests in community-led safety initiatives in Minneapolis neighborhoods.

Campaign Zero: online platform that utilizes research-based policy solutions to end police brutality in America.

Unicorn Riot: non-profit that is dedicated to exposing root causes of dynamic social and environmental issues.

3. Call your Representatives; Sign Petitions

Civil rights group Color of Change launched a petition asking that all the officers involved in Floyd’s death are brought to justice. Find it here.

Or another petition: The “Justice for George Floyd” petition on Change.org already has 8.5 million supporters. That sends a big message. Find it here.

4. Check in on your black friends, family, partners, loved ones, and colleagues and demonstrate how you will be supporting them and ask what else you can do.

"While expressions of solidarity are appreciated, in some cases it can be taxing, necessitating reliving personal traumas or reciprocating consolation. Conversations with evidenced results of action go a much longer way to the recipients of your solidarity." - Donte McCrary-Mclain and Melissa Hughes

5. For those who are feeling overwhelmed with all of this and a bit of feed fatigue, definitely take care of yourself but resist disengaging. Activism takes shape in a variety of ways.

Sometimes it’s on the front lines of a protest

Sometimes it’s asking your internship employers how you can support the advancement of marginalized communities in your workplace

Sometimes it’s staying for and leaning into the difficult and uncomfortable conversations with your fellow students, colleagues, and friends.

Sometimes it’s providing “care, joy, and connection for those hurting around you. Don’t underestimate the power of an encouraging word or giving someone a reason to smile.⁣” - Ella Washington

Regardless, it always is choosing to care, to see, to listen, and to act.

Our Georgetown MSB community is only as strong as the commitment we have to our values, and the commitment to see and support our fellow students in times of difficulty. We stand as a united front and join in the work led by so many Black organizations and people of color to create a more equitable world.

Hoya Saxa,

Leena Jube, Simmer Grewal, Lydia Kickham-Dawes, Silas Humphries, and your student leaders of SGA- Full Time and Flex, VPs of Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion and Black MBA

[defendglobe]

today was really awful and im sorry to whine but i have no one else to tell so

alrighty so like. my school has this gay straight alliance group. or rather a group for gay students and a separate group for activism. its absolutely miniscule atm. like literally there are three of us gays in this hellhole.

since the older members left at the end of last year, myself and another guy got kinda forced into running it because there’s no one else and the school wants it to be student led. 

which i mean. yeah thats fair. its safer for the students if the profs and others dont know who is there and all that. but on the other hand like. they give us no support and no budget so when people graduate it falls apart and forces responsibility on kids who have far too much to deal with already. to me, it feels like a copout. like OHHH THIS IS STUDENT LED IT’S NOT US DOING THAT GAY SHIT you feel me?? 

anyway so today we had a planning meeting for the activism group thing and let me fucking tell you. it was. B A D. it was me and that one guy as well as four staff members who are helping us with the activism part. 

in one of the gay student group meetings the three of us talked about having our school’s gsa represented in the city pride parade next summer because apparently like every fucking university in the city does that. we were all super excited about that idea so we brought it up to the staff. 

IMMEDIATELY the one guy goes oh NO NO NO WE ARE NOT GONNA DO THAT NO WAY ABSOLUTELY NOT. his reasoning? the school isn’t ready for something like that. 

“not ready” my fucking ass hole!! its infuriating. the lgbt population of my school BADLY wants this to happen but we get shut down because the straight majority isn’t ready to handle it. why the fuck should the majority get to decide whether or not the community is ready to talk about minority issues?? they shouldn’t, obviously!!! it’s just further silencing us. 

on a similar note my boss (both his kids are lgbt so he really gets this shit), the other kid, and me came up with an idea to do like a chapel talk where the one kid could talk about his story (and i volunteered to talk as well posing as an “ally”). my boss was super into it. that one got shut down too and you know why?? the one guy was worried that the campus minister guy would get backlash.

THAT’S who you’re worried about???? one of your students is going to put his whole fucking life out in the open in front of a potentially hostile audience and you’re worried about the MINISTRY COORDINATOR GUY??? A STRAIGHT WHITE CIS MALE????? UGHHHHHH!!!!!!! 

another staff member in the meeting is working on an event for lgbt alumni at my school and he wants it to be “a story of hope” showing the progress my school has made. BULL FUCKING SHIT MORE LIKE A STORY OF JACKING OURSELVES OFF OVER THE MEDIOCRE FUCKING PROGRESS OUR SCHOOL HAS MADE SELF CONGRATULATORY FOR NO REASON. 

one thing was clear with this meeting. this piece of shit school cares more about their reputation among wealthy conservative families to do the fucking right thing. but they talk a lot of shit about being welcoming and inclusive but its all fucking bullshit. they do fuck all to help us. leave us to fend for ourselves and shut down any fucking ideas we have out of worry about the school’s image. its performative allyship in the extreme. they dont give a rats ass about the students who are suffering in this unending homophobic and transphobic hell. they just want to look good. 

to make matters worse??? one of the people in that group who shut us down like that?? hes like a super close family friend. basically surrogate family for us since our biological family is so far away and we can never visit them. even to someone like that who has known me since i was ten years old, im not fucking worth fighting for. i feel so goddamn betrayed lol!!!!!!! 

the one fucking staff member in that group who is actually legit gay hardly get to speak because of these cishet males waving their dicks around like OOH LOOK AT US WE’RE SO INCLUSIVE while doing nothing of substance. my boss hardly spoke either bc hes generally a quiet dude. just these two other guys taking over the conversation completely. 

but honestly the worst fucking thing of all of this?? my boss is leaving for a few months for some other library that had an urgent need for help or something. im so goddamn scared of this i dont even know what to do. hes the only fucking person with a godforsaken LGBT FRIENDLY SPACE!!! rainbow sticker on his door that would have any idea how to fucking deal with a gay kid in a crisis. i cant talk to anyone else because they all turn it into a fucking abstract academic circle jerk and forget that there are ACTUAL GAY STUDENTS AT THIS PLACE WHO ARE DESPERATELY LONELY AND WAITING FOR YOU TO DO SOMETHING TO HELP. he was the only one in that group actually PLANNING to do anything concrete so i can guarantee any movement is going to stop completely and i dont know if i can fucking endure it!!!

honestly?? i should not exist. all i am is a problem that other people have to fucking deal with. no one is willing to fucking help me. why should they??? im fucking useless. i dont do anything, i have no motivation, no talent, no friends, no future. i dont fucking belong in this world honestly!! im a fucking disgusting freak who fucking fell back into self harm again for the first time in a few months and im so fucking angry at myself. what the hell is wrong with me. why cant i be normal. haha! i dont deserve happiness! im fucking incapable of happiness! because i had to be  born as this USELESS UGLY GROSS PIECE OF SHIT WHO DOES NOTHING BUT WEIGH EVERYONE DOWN AND CAUSE PROBLEMS LOL. 

if there was a fail safe way for me to die instantly i can guarantee you i’d take it. fear of failure (the humilation of not even being able to fucking kill myself right lol) is the only thing holding me back. im at the end of my fucking rope. i have no one and nothing and nothing to lose. 

[knightofbalance-13]

Allies: Basically Meat Puppets

https://bluepulserjaime.tumblr.com/post/163547055676/so-just-because-jaune-was-in-a-dress-and-camp

From the dumbass that gave us “White Mediocrity”

 So, just because Jaune was in a dress, and camp camp had a kid dressed up in a bundle of sticks, its workers can't support transgender people?

Yes they can, anon. Especially since crossdressing and being trans are two different things and wordplay is not homophobic.

I mean, the so called ˜allies˜ could accept that transphobic and homophobic (and using racist stereotypes) jokes arent OK just because they are made in a show by their buddies. This dates waaaay back with RvB and all the ‘’sissy gay’‘ jokes that a certain red team member is the target of.

Again, crossdressing and being trans are two different things.

And wordplay is not homophobic: it was even acknowledged the word was bad hence why Max was forcibly shut up.

Third: Donut’s joke was never about being a “sissy” gay: it was because no one could tell what his sexuality was and it moved on into innocent and accidential innuendo as well as being just plain stupid. I should also point out that Donut is the only Red that is considered wholely good: Meaning the “sissy gay” is a better person than his straight counterparts. The only other person in the group that is considered to be his equal in morality is Caboose...who is also ambiguously gay.

Third: What racist stereotype? the only two people of color in RT productions I can think of is Tucker (the now-leader of the reds and blues) and Locus (the stronger and better person than his white co-worker.) if you are talkinga bout the Fanaus” A. They don’t exist in real life and B. That shit with the white fang happens in real life. Look at the Neo Black Panthers. And C. You’re not on to talk about racism, Mr. “White Mediocrity”

But they dont.

Because they aren’t being transphobic, homophobic or racist: you’re just being oversensitive.

]Putting Kdin in front a couple of times a month like some irl token represenation, posting some copypasta on twitterand calling it a day isnt ‘‘great allyship’‘, by the way.

Says the person who uses Kdin as a social pawn, devaluing her status as a human being, just to make a company look bigoted. Says the person who thinks that white people need to work harder to get the same recognition as black people. Says the guy who thinks that “white” is an objectively bad quality. Yeah, they're doing a better job than you.

Also no, the literal number 1 rule of any allyship is that, as an ally, you dont decide what is and what isnt homophobic.

So Allies, in essence, cannot make any descisions by themselves and are devalued constantly and their opinions don’t matter as much as “oppressed” people. Yeah, fuck off.

And BTW: Since RT has more than one LGBT employee: they are closer to the community than you. You are the ally in this situation. So by your own logic: your cries of homophobia and transphobia don’t matter. See how dehumanizing that is? Maybe you should be either kinder and give them more freedom. After all, it doesn’t take much for those rules to bind you.

[wocinsolidarity]

Many US Citizens take our citizenship for granted. It’s something most of us never worry about or think about, and the majority of us have never experienced life without it. As a consequence, we are incredibly out of touch with what privileges come with citizenship and what our impact as citizens can have on our undocumented friends and neighbors.

If we are serious about defending DACA (Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals) , organizing against ICE raids and detention centers, and exploring other ways to exercise allyship with undocumented folks, there are precautions we must take.

Organizing against deportations and the forces that carry them out is not like campaigning for a candidate, an initiative, or other causes we may all have experiences with- the risk is much higher. While organizing efforts may very well include politicians and initiatives, the nature of the work means that if we are not careful, we can literally get our colleagues, friends, and their families locked up or deported.

*You should not consider the following list legal advice nor an exhaustive list of precautions to take. If there are undocumented people in your lives or on your campaigns, someone should be reaching out to get familiar with their personal boundaries, risk levels, and safety plans.

[Bullet points from the list]:

1. Don’t “out” people who are undocumented. 

2. Don’t “out” areas where undocumented people live. 

3. Don’t prioritize appearing as though you are “centering those most affected” above not getting those “most affected” deported. 

4. Don’t list build if you don’t have to. 

5. Protect your lists as if your own deportation depended on it. 

6. Don’t put YOUR OWN name on lists. 

7. Some things you can do on your own, in secret- and you should. 

8. Understand that Homeland Security, ICE, and other federal agencies are not like your local police department. 

9. Stop fucking inviting your undocumented friends to the detention center. 

10. Do not communicate about sensitive issues around documentation, immigration, etc on phones or digital devices, let alone the internet. 

11. This includes your encrypted apps like Signal.

12. This includes your email servers like RiseUp.Net.

13. This includes Slack.

14. I DON’T CARE WHAT YOUR CODER OR ANARCHIST FRIENDS SAID. DON’T TALK ABOUT SENSITIVE SHIT ON THE INTERNET.

15. Do not spread information that you are not COMPLETELY SURE is accurate and verified.

16. Do not post media of undocumented people on social media. Only videotape what is necessary and destroy what isn’t needed. 

17. Take the time to understand all the risk undocumented people face and how they are treated differently in the legal system. 

18. Don’t ask undocumented people to take coordinated arrests.

[suchagiantnerd]

54 Books, 1 Year

2018 was my first full year back at work after my mat leave, and thanks to all the time I spend on the subway, my yearly reading total is back up to over 50 books!

2018 was a dark year, and I made a conscious effort to read more books from authors on the margins of society. The more those of us with privilege take the time to listen to and learn from these voices, the better we’ll be as friends, colleagues and citizens.

You’ll also notice a lot of books about witchcraft and witches in this year’s list. What can I say? Dark times call for resorting to ANYTHING that can help dig us out of our current reality, including putting a hex on Donald Trump.

Trigger Warning: Some of the books reviewed below are about mental illness, suicide, domestic violence, sexual assault, and violence against people of colour, Indigenous people and people in the LGBTQ community.

Here are this year’s mini reviews:

1.       The Lottery and Other Stories / Shirley Jackson

Jackson’s short stories were published in the late forties and fifties, but their slow-burning creep factor holds up today. The stories involve normal people doing normal things until something small gives, and we realize something is really wrong here. As you read through the collection, take note of the mysterious man in blue. He appears in about half of the stories, always in the margins of the action. Who is he? I read him as a bit of a trickster figure, bringing chaos and mayhem with him wherever he goes. Other people have read him as the devil himself. Let me know what you think!

2.       The Ship / Antonia Honeywell

I was excited to read this YA novel about a giant cruise ship-turned-ark, designed and captained by the protagonist Lalla’s father in a dystopic near future. The premise of the book is great and brings up lots of juicy questions – where is the ship going? How long can the passengers survive together in a confined space? How did Lalla’s father choose who got to board the ship? But the author’s execution was a disappointment and focused far too much on Lalla’s inner turmoil and immaturity.

3.       The Hot One: A Memoir of Friendship, Sex and Murder / Carolyn Murnick

My book club read this true crime memoir detailing the intense, adolescent friendship between Carolyn, the author, and Ashley, who was murdered in her home in her early 20s a few years after the girls’ friendship fizzled. Murnick is understandably destroyed by the murder and obsessed with the killer’s trial. The narrative loops back and forth between the trial and the girls’ paths, which diverged sharply after Ashley moved away in high school. Murnick (the self-proclaimed nerdy one) muses on the intricacies of female friendship, growing up under the microscope of the male gaze, and the last weekend she ever spent with Ashley (the hot one). This is an emotional, detailed account of a woman trying her best to bear witness to her friend’s horrific death and to honour who she was in life.

4.       The Break / Katherena Vermette

Somebody is brutally attacked on a cold winter night in Winnipeg, and Stella, a young Métis woman and tired new mother is the only witness – and even she isn’t sure what she saw. The police investigation into the attack puts a series of events in motion that make long-buried emotions bubble to the surface and ripple outwards to touch a number of people in the community, including an Indigenous teenager recently released from a youth detention center, one of the investigating officers (a Métis man walking a fine line between two worlds), and an artist. This is a tough read, especially in the era of #MMIW and #MeToo, but all the more important because of it.

5.       So You Want to Talk About Race / Ijeoma Oluo

Probably the most important book I read this year, I will never stop recommending this read to anyone and everyone. This is your Allyship 101 syllabus right here, folks. Do you really want to do better and be better as an ally? Then you need to read every chapter closely and start implementing the lessons learned right away. This book will teach you about tone policing, microaggressions and privilege, and how all of those things are harmful to people of colour and other marginalized communities.

6.       The Accusation / Bandi

This is a collection of short stories by a North Korean man (written under a pseudonym for his protection as he still lives there). The stories were actually smuggled out of the country for publication by a family friend. The characters in these stories are regular people living regular lives (as much as that is possible in North Korea). What really comes across is the fine line between laughter and tears while living under the scrutiny of a dangerous regime. There are several scenes where people laugh uncontrollably because they can’t cry, and where people start to cry because they can’t laugh. This book offers a rare perspective into a hidden world.

7.       Being Jazz: My Life as a (Transgender) Teen / Jazz Jennings

Some of you will be familiar with Jazz via the TLC show about her and her family, “I Am Jazz”. I’d never seen it but was inspired to read the book to gain a better understanding about what coming out as trans as a child is like. Jazz came out to her family at 5 years old (!) and her parents and siblings have had her back from the beginning. If you are still having a tough time understanding that trans women are women, full stop, this book will help get you there.

8.       A Field Guide to Getting Lost / Rebecca Solnit

When it comes to the books that gave me “all the feels”, this one tops the 2018 list. Solnit is everything - historian, writer, philosopher, culture lover, explorer. Her mind is always making connections and as you follow her through her labyrinthine thoughts you start to feel connected too. Her words on loss, nostalgia and missing a person/place/time actually made me cry, they were so true. For me, an agnostic leaning towards atheism, she illuminated the magic in the everyday that made me feel more spiritually rooted to life than I have in a long time.

9.       I Found You / Lisa Jewell

Lots of weird and bad things seem to happen in British seaside towns, don’t they? This is another psychological thriller, à la “The Girl on the Train” and “Gone Girl”. One woman finds a man sitting on the beach one morning. He has no idea who he is or how he got there. Miles away, another woman wakes up one morning to find her husband has vanished. Is the mystery man on the beach the missing husband? Dive into this page-turner and find out!

10.   The Midnight Sun / Cecilia Ekbäck

This novel is the sequel to a historical Swedish noir book I read a few years ago. Though it’s not so much a sequel, as it is a novel taking place in the same setting – Blackasen Mountain in Lapland. This story actually takes place about a hundred years after the first novel does, so it can be read on its own. Ekbäck’s stories dive into the effect of place on people – whether it’s the isolation of a harsh and long winter or the mental havoc caused by the midnight sun on sleep patterns, the people on Blackasen Mountain are always strained and ready to explode. (Oh, and there’s also a bit of the supernatural happening on this mountain too – but just a bit!)

11.   After the Bloom / Leslie Shimotakahara

Strained mother-daughter relationships. The PTSD caused by immigration and then being detained in camps in your new home. Fraught romances. Shimotakahara’s novel tackles all of this and more. Taking place in two times – 1980s Toronto and a WWII Japanese internment camp in the California desert – this story of loss, hardship, betrayal and family is both tragic and hopeful.

12.   Company Town / Madeline Ashby

In this Canadian dystopian tale, thousands of people live in little cities built on the oil rigs off the coast of Newfoundland. Hwa works as a bodyguard for the family that owns the rigs and is simultaneously trying to protect the family’s youngest child from threats, find out who is killing her sex-worker friends, mourn her brother (who died in a rig explosion), and work through her own self-esteem issues. Phew! If it sounds like too much, it is. I really did like this book, but I think it needed tighter editing and focus.

13.   The Power / Naomi Alderman

In the near-future, women and girls all over the world develop the ability to send electrical shocks out of their hands. With this newfound power, society’s gender power imbalance starts to flip. The U.S. military scrambles to try and work this to their advantage. A new religious movement starts to grow. And Tunde, a Nigerian photographer (and a dude!) travels the world, trying to document it all. This is an exciting novel that seriously asks, “what if?” in which many of the key characters cross paths.

14.   Milk and Honey / Rupi Kaur

Everyone’s reading it, so I had to too! Kaur’s poems are refreshing and healing, and definitely accessible. This is poetry for the people, for women, for daughters, mothers and sisters. These are poems about how women make themselves small and quiet, about our inner anger, about sacrifice, longing and love.

15.   Tell It to the Trees / Anita Rau Badami

In the dead of winter in small-town B.C., the body of big-city writer Anu is found outside of the Dharmas’ house, frozen to death. Anu had been renting their renovated shed, working on a novel in seclusion. As we get to know the Dharmas – angry and controlling Vikram, his quiet and frightened wife Suman, the two children, and the ghost of Vikram’s first wife, Helen, we feel more and more uneasy. Was Anu’s death just a tragic accident, or something else entirely? There is a touch of “The Good Son” in this novel…

16.   You Are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life / Jen Sincero

This book was huge last year and my curiosity got the better of me. But I can’t, I just can’t subscribe to this advice! All of this stuff about manifesting whatever you want reeks of privilege and is just “The Secret” repackaged for millennials and Gen-Z. Thank u, next!

17.   All the Things We Never Knew: Chasing the Chaos of Mental Illness / Sheila Hamilton

Shortly after a diagnosis of bipolar disorder, Hamilton’s husband, David, took his own life after years of little signs and indicators that something wasn’t right. Her memoir, in the aftermath of his death, is a reckoning, a tribute, and a warning to others. In it, she details the fairy tale beginning of their relationship (but even then, there were signs), the birth of their only child, and the rocky path that led to his final choice. Hamilton’s story doesn’t feel exploitative to me. It’s an important piece in the global conversation about mental health and includes lots of facts and statistics too.

18.   This Is How It Always Is / Laurie Frankel

This is a beautiful novel about loving your family members for who they are and about the tough choices parents have to make when it comes to protecting their children. Rosie and Penn have five boys (that this modern couple has five children is the most unbelievable part of the plot, frankly), but at five years old, their youngest, Claude, tells the family that he is a girl. Claude changes her name to Poppy, and Rosie and Penn decide to move the whole family to more inclusive Seattle to give Poppy a fresh start in life. Of course, the move has consequences on the other four children as well, and we follow everybody’s ups and downs over the years as they adjust and adapt to their new reality.

19.   Dumplin’ / Julie Murphy

While I didn’t love the writing or any of the characters, I do need to acknowledge the importance of this YA novel in showing a fat teenager as happy and confident in who she is. Willowdean Dickson has a job, a best friend and a passion for Dolly Parton. She also catches the attention of cute new kid, Bo, and a sweet summer romance develops between the two (with all of the miscommunications and misunderstandings you’d expect in a YA plot). This is an important book in the #RepresentationMatters movement, and is now a Netflix film if you want to skip the read!

20.   Kintu / Jennifer Nansubuga Makumbi

This was touted as “the great Ugandan novel” and it did not disappoint! The first part of the novel takes place in 1754, as Kintu Kidda, leader of a clan, travels to the capital of Buganda (modern day Kampala) with his entourage to pledge allegiance to the new Kabaka. During the journey, tragedy strikes, unleashing a curse on Kintu’s descendants. The rest of the novel follows five modern-day Ugandans who are descended from Kintu’s bloodline and find themselves invited to a massive family reunion. As their paths cross and family histories unfold, will the curse be broken?

21.   The Child Finder / Rene Denfeld

I bought this at the airport as a quick and thrilling travel read, and that’s exactly what it was. Naomi is a private investigator with a knack for finding missing and kidnapped children. This is because she was once a kidnapped child herself. The plot moves back and forth in time between Naomi’s current case and her own escape and recovery. There was nothing exceptional about this book, but it’s definitely a page-turner.

22.   Difficult Women / Roxane Gay

Are the women in Gay’s short stories actually difficult? Or has a sexist, racist world made things difficult for them? I think you know what my answer is. The stories are at times beautiful - like the fairy tale about a woman made of glass, and at times violent and visceral – like a number of stories about hunting and butchering. Women are everything and more.

23.   My Education / Susan Choi

I suggested this novel to my book club and I will always regret it. This was my least favourite read of the year. I thought it was going to be about a sexy and inappropriate threesome or love triangle between a student, her professor, and his wife. Instead it had a few very unsexy sex scenes and hundreds and hundreds of pages about the minutiae of academic life. I can’t see anyone enjoying this book except English professors and grad students.

24.   Hope in the Dark: Untold Histories, Wild Possibilities / Rebecca Solnit

This series of essays was a balm to my soul after Ford won the provincial election. It reminded me that history is full of steps forward and steps back, and though things look bleak right now, there are millions of us around the world trying to make positive changes in big and little ways as we speak.

25.   The Woman in Cabin 10 / Ruth Ware

Another novel in the vein of “The Woman on the Train”, that is, a book featuring a young, female, unreliable narrator. Lo knows what she saw – or does she? There was a woman in the now empty Cabin 10 – or was there? And also, Lo hasn’t been eating or sleeping. But she’s been drinking a lot and not taking her medication. I’m kind of done with this genre – anyone else?

26.   My Brilliant Friend / Elena Ferrante

After hearing many intelligent women praise this novel (the first in a four-part series), my book club decided to give it a try. I didn’t fall in love with it, but I was sufficiently intrigued by the intense and passionate friendship between Lila and Lenu, two young girls growing up in post-war Naples, that I will likely read the whole series. Many claim that no writer has managed to capture the intricacy of female friendship the way that Ferrante has.

27.   The Turquoise Table: Finding Community and Connection in Your Own Front Yard / Kristin Schell

This is Schell’s non-fiction account of how she started Austin’s turquoise table movement (which has now spread further into other communities). Schell was feeling disconnected from her immediate community, so she painted an old picnic table a bright turquoise, moved it into her front yard, and started sitting out there some mornings, evenings and weekends - sometimes alone, and sometimes with her family. Neighbours started to gather for chats, snacks, card games, and more. People got to know each other on a deeper level and friendships bloomed. This book is a nice reminder that small actions matter. A small warning though – Schell is an evangelical Christian, and I didn’t know this before diving in. There is a focus on Christianity in the book, and though it’s not quite preachy, it’s very in-your-face.

28.   Sing, Unburied, Sing / Jesmyn Ward

This was hands-down my favourite novel of the year. It’s a lingering and haunting look at the generational trauma carried by the descendants of those who were enslaved and lived during the Jim Crow era. One part road trip novel, one part ghost story, the plot follows a fractured, multi-racial family as they head into the broken heart of Mississippi to pick up the protagonist’s father, who has just been released from prison.

29.   Full Disclosure / Beverley McLachlin

This is the first novel by Canada’s former Chief Justice, Beverley McLachlin. As someone who works in the legal industry and has heard her speak, I couldn’t wait to get my hands on this. But, with all due respect to one of the queens, the book was very ‘meh’. The plot was a little over the top, the characters weren’t sufficiently fleshed out, and I felt that the backdrop of the Robert Pickton murders was somewhat exploitative and not done respectfully. Am I being more critical of this novel than I might otherwise be because the author is so intelligent? Likely yes, so you can take this review with a grain of salt.

30.   The Long Way Home / Louise Penny

This is the 10th novel in Penny’s Inspector Gamache mystery series. As ever, I fell in love with her descriptions of Quebec’s beauty, the small town of Three Pines, and the delicious food the characters are always eating. Penny’s books are the definition of cozy.

31.   In the Skin of a Lion / Michael Ondaatje

Ondaatje has the gift of writing novels that read like poetry, and this story is no exception. Taking place in Toronto during construction of the Don Valley bridge and the RC Harris water treatment plant, the plot follows a construction worker, a young nun, an explosives expert, a business magnate and an actress as they maneuver making a life for themselves in the big city and changing ideas about class and gender.

32.   The Story of a New Name / Elena Ferrante

This is the second novel in Ferrante’s four-part series about the complicated life-long friendship between Lila and Lenu. In this installment, the women navigate first love, marriage, post-secondary education, first jobs and new motherhood.

33.   The Happiness Project / Gretchen Rubin

In this memoir / self-help book, Rubin studies the concept of happiness and implements a new action or practice each month of the year that is designed to increase her happiness levels. Examples include practicing gratitude, going to bed earlier, making time for fun and learning something new. Her journey inspired me to make a few tweaks to my life during a difficult time, and I do think they’ve made me more appreciative of what I have (which I think is a form of happiness?)

34.   The Virgin Suicides / Jeffrey Eugenides

I loved the film adaptation of this novel when I was a teenager, but I’d never actually read it until my book club selected it. Eugenides paints a glimmering, ethereal portrait of the five teenaged Lisbon sisters living a suffocating half-life at the hands of their overly protective and religious parents. The story is told through the eyes of the neighbourhood boys who longed for them from a distance and learned about who they were through snatched telephone calls, passed notes and one tragic suburban basement party.

35.   Time’s Convert / Deborah Harkness

This is a supernatural fantasy novel that takes place in the same universe of witches, vampires and daemons as Harkness’ All Souls trilogy. The plot follows the romance between centuries-old vampire Marcus, who came of age during the American Civil War, and human Phoebe, who begins her own transformation into a vampire so that she and Marcus can be together forever.

36.   The Saturday Night Ghost Club / Craig Davidson

Were you a fan of the TV show “Are You Afraid of the Dark?” If yes, this novel is for you. Davidson explores the blurred line between real-life tragedy and ghost story over the course of one summer in 1980s Niagara Falls. A coming-of-age novel that’s somehow sweet, funny and sad all at once, this story delves into the aftershocks of trauma and the way we heal the cracks in families.

37.   Oh Crap! Potty Training: Everything Modern Parents Need to Know to Do It Once and Do It Right / Jamie Glowacki

I hoped this was the book for us, but I don’t think it was. Some of the tips were great, but others really didn’t work for us. The other issue is that the technique in this book is much better suited to kids staying at home with a caregiver, not kids in daycare.

38.   The Witch Doesn’t Burn in This One / Amanda Lovelace

This is a collection of poetry about women’s anger, women’s long memories and strength in sisterhood. It’s accessible, emotional and a bit of a feminist rallying cry. As someone who is obsessed with the Salem witch trials, I also loved the historical backdrop to the poems.

39.   The Rules of Magic / Alice Hoffman

I love to read seasonally, and this prequel to “Practical Magic” was a perfect October book. Remember Jet and Franny, the old, quirky aunts from the movie? This novel describes their upbringing, along with that of their brother Vincent, as the three siblings discover their powers and try to out-maneuver the Owens family curse.

40.   Witch: Unleased. Untamed. Unapologetic. / Lisa Lister

This book has a very sleek, appealing cover. Holding it made me feel magical. Reading it really disappointed me. From Lister’s almost outright transphobia to her unedited, repetitive style, this was a huge disappointment and I don’t recommend it.

41.   The Death of Mrs. Westaway / Ruth Ware

I liked this novel a lot more than Ware’s other novel, “The Woman in Cabin 10”. Crumbling English manor homes, long-buried family evils and people trapped together by snowstorms are my jam.

42.   Weirdo / Cathi Unsworth

Another British seaside town, another grisly murder. Jumping back and forth between a modern-day private investigation and the parental panic around cults and Satanism in the 1980s, Unsworth unpacks the darkness lurking within a small community and the way society’s outcasts are often used as scapegoats. The creep factor grows as the story unfolds.

43.   Mabon: Rituals, Recipes and Lore for the Autumn Equinox / Diana Rajchel

And so begins my witchy education. I have to admit, I really liked learning about the historical pagan celebrations and superstitions surrounding harvest time. I also liked reading about spells and incantations… ooooOOOOoooo!

44.   From Here to Eternity: Travelling the World to Find the Good Death / Caitlin Doughty

In North America, we are so removed from death that we are unequipped to process it when someone close to us dies. But this doesn’t have to be the case. In this non-fiction account, Doughty, a mortician based in L.A., travels the world learning about the business of death, the cultural customs around mortality, and the rituals of care and compassion for the deceased in ten different places. It seems that the closer we are to death, the less we’ll fear it, and the better-equipped we’ll be to process loss and grief in healthy ways.

45.   Samhain: Rituals, Recipes and Lore for Halloween / Diana Rajchel

Did you know that Samhain is actually pronounced “Sow-en”? I didn’t until I read this book, and felt very intelligent indeed, when later, while watching “The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina” on Netflix, the head witch pronounced the word as “Sam-hain”, destroying the writers’ credibility in one instant. I am a witch now.

46.   See What I Have Done / Sarah Schmidt

This novel is a retelling of the Lizzie Borden murders, illuminated through four characters – Lizzie herself, the Borden’s maid Bridget, Lizzie’s sister, and a mysterious man hired the day before the murders by Lizzie’s uncle to intimidate Mr. Borden (one of the murder victims). I knew very little about the murders before reading this book, but this version of the tale strongly suggests that Lizzie really is the murderer. Unhinged, childlike, selfish and manipulative, I hated her so much and felt awful for everyone that had to live in her orbit.

47.   The Nature of the Beast / Louise Penny

In the 11th installment of Penny’s Inspector Gamache mystery series, she sets the story up with a parallel to the boy who cried wolf and introduces us to her first killer without a soul. Crimes of passion and greed abound in Penny’s universe, but a crime of pure, cold evil? This is a first.

48.   How Are You Going to Save Yourself? / J.M. Holmes

This is a powerful collection of short stories about what it’s like to be a Black man in America right now. It’s about Black male friendship, fathers and sons, outright racism and dealing with a lifetime of microaggressions. Holmes makes some risky and bold decisions with his characters, even playing into some of the harmful stereotypes about Black men while subverting some of the others. This book really stayed with me. One disturbing story in particular I kept turning around and around in my mind for days afterward.

49.   Split Tooth / Tanya Tagaq

This is a beautiful story about a young Inuit girl growing up in Nunavut in the 1970s, combining gritty anecdotes about bullying, friendship, family and addiction with Inuit myth, legend, and the magic of the Arctic. The most evocative and otherworldly scenes in the novel took place under the Northern Lights and left me kind of mesmerized.

50.   Motherhood / Sheila Heti

Heti’s book is a work of fiction styled as a memoir, during which the protagonist, nearing her 40s, weighs the pros and cons of having a baby. I’ve maybe never felt so “seen” by an author before. I agonized over the decision about whether to have a baby for years before finally making a decision. The unsatisfying, but freeing conclusion that both the author and I came to is that for many of us there is no right choice (but no wrong choice either).

51.   The Mistletoe Murder and Other Stories / P.D. James

This is a short collection of James’ four “Christmas-y” mysteries published over the course of a number of years. It was a perfect cozy read to welcome the holiday season.

52.   The Christmas Sisters / Sarah Morgan

Morgan’s story is a Hallmark holiday movie in book form. A family experiencing emotional turmoil at Christmas? Check. Predictable romances, old and new? Check. A beautiful, festive setting? Check. (In this case, it’s a rustic inn nestled in the Scottish Highlands). This novel is fluff, but the most delightful kind.

53.   Jonny Appleseed / Joshua Whitehead

Jonny is a Two-Spirit Ojibway-Cree person who leaves the reservation in his early 20s to escape his community’s homophobia and make it in the city. Making ends meet as a cybersex worker, the action begins when he has to scrape together enough cash to make it home to the “rez” (and all the loose ends he left behind there) for a funeral. The emotional heart of the novel are Jonny’s relationships with his kokum (grandmother) and his best friend / part-time lover Tias.

54.   Yule: Rituals, Recipes and Lore for the Winter Solstice / Susan Pesznecker

Do you folks believe that I’m a witch now? I am, okay? I even spoke an incantation to Old Mother Winter while staring into the flame of a candle after reading this book.

55.   Half Spent Was the Night: A Witches’ Yuletide / Ami McKay

Old-timey witches? At Christmas time? At an elaborate New Year’s Eve masked ball? Be still my heart. This novella was just what I wanted to read in those lost days between Christmas and New Year’s. You’ll appreciate it even more if you’ve already read Ami McKay’s previous novel “The Witches of New York”, as it features the same characters.

[nchyinotes]

How to turn your activist goals into reality in 2018

February 6 2018

https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/how-to-turn-your-activist-goals-into-reality-in-2018-tickets-42197663347#

Thoughts: They were all so funny and real and genuine, and it was a pleasure to hear their honest accounts and journeys to where they are now. The Q&A was very helpful and rich with advice. Really motivating, felt a very encouraging “just do it!” push.

Carys Afoko (Levelup) - “Full time feminist”

4 stages:

1) Idea

Most ideas are simple, don’t be too obsessed with being new

Look for closest examples of your idea that exist + rip it off

For her: ultraviolet (US), ultra gender?? (aus), 38 degrees (UK)

Trying to think more broadly about other groups that inspire me

2) Team

Very important in early stages

People who share and believe in your vision - Co founders, or people who generally support you

Women of color in leadership positions was very important to her

3) Testing

Get it into the world ASAP

Pays off 100%

Hard if you’re a perfectionist

Just trick yourself into it by reframing it! Say it’s in beta mode or something

It’s how you learn + find other people + get more confident

4) Funding / resourcing

Don’t be embarrassed to say that you want to pay yourself! Plan this! Don’t martyr yourself!

Biggest lie people tell themselves: I can just do this stuff for free

Gendered stuff about people who can (afford to) work for free

She was glad to take the risk + bet on self

Fuck it, just do it

Paula Akpan (I’m Tired Project + gal dem writer)

Microaggressions photography project

Social media → real life: exhibitions + workshops in schools in NY and Nairobi

Way to bring this art to the real world!

Arts council funding (ask for tips!)

Nicole Crentsil (Unmasked Women)

Exhibition of mental health in black community

Safe space to openly talk about it with different artistic mediums

Spent a lot of time talking to people, hearing their stories

Got too immersed in research + stats?

Always mentally doing so many things

Expectation management → to follow how great it is, not just stop

Curation, art, cultural research, public speaker

Nicole & Paula - story of the first black girl festival

WOW @ southbank (angela davis, chimumandah)

So many black women! Electric energy

Exhilarating to feel that energy

“We should do a project” —> 2 hour phone call, do a festival, googlesheets

Left it, knew they were sitting on a gold mine

Got approached for a venue (unrelated)

Black history month = 7 months to plan this

With only a spreadsheet + venue

Approached friends at ICA, southbank, was told that name might be controversial & that black women dont want to come to the southbank, come back when its successful, etc

Had to fund it themselves

Took domain and social media handles just in case

Made the crowdfunder - 3 hours work, tips on website, so easy

Critical point: will people actually give money?

2 days and (30 pounds) later, crowdfunder website co founders wanted to meet because thought it was a great idea, envisioned 10k + success, gave them tips (ie. facebook is the way to make community), really gave them a mental boost

Both working full time jobs

Actually had to check in with each other, were only whatsapping each other about work

Ended up getting lots of support online, breaking goal, stretched it - to make sure to pay every black woman who helped out

Free, community festival for all ages. 350 capacity, 4000 tickets sold

Best thing they’ve ever done

Engaged with so many different organisations, sponsorships, so many people wanted to support in some way

Paula induced anxiety by downloading kickstarter / eventbrite apps (looool, so relatable)

Emotional, cried so much during day

Q&A

Getting over anxiety hurdle for putting idea into world?

Lowering stakes for self - doing a small version, iteration (lean startup) + improve

You need people who will tell you you’re great OR to do it as a team

Your tone + way you market need to come off as confident, so people believe in what you’re doing

Should come up with 1 strap line to not waffle (one mission / vision statement?)

How to get past people critical of what you’re doing?

Was asked: What would you do if it was called ‘white mans festival’ (actual reactions)

Mayor of paris, feminist festival? Something?

Assumption it’ll exclude other people, but is actually not? For anyone who celebrates black women. No racism, etc

Why are you not doing it for all women? Because i want this specific conversation.

But if someone is asking you questions like that, is not for them

Issues of inclusivity - role of white, middle class women?

The change needs to be in the way jobs are applied for and advertised (HR and directors)

In creative industries, an issue is that people don’t actually know what the roles mean

Creative mentor network

Access for young people to creative industry

Everyone experiences privilege and oppression

Most things are not in your experience

Intersectionality

Allyship should really be about ‘creating space’ - bringing someone else’s voice in

When should i be opening out the convo, rather than speaking for

When challenging someone on their power = defense mechanisms often go up

How to be valued + not exploited for my work, but to work with new people and organisations?

Morally align with ethics? Orgs that work alongside what you believe

Black pain is now cool to talk about / monetise

You should tell your own story, champion yourself, create that work

Think about how do people approach you - do they talk about fee / payment / budget, or just “exposure”?

You need to value yourself (time, craft, expertise)

Be smart about how much you’re giving to people (writing everything on a twitter thread vs a piece you can pitch)

You can’t keep giving out of an empty vessel - it’ll deplete yourself, you need to look after yourself!

Fundraising is a feminist issue?

Definitely had sexist / racist reactions

How people perceive your ask, steeling yourself for this

There is the expectation that we should just do for free

Lessons from fundraising

Facebook, videos = more money

Went to people in network with a high ask (100+ pounds)

Crowdfunding is tied to your social network

Have your people primed to share it - don’t be embarrassed of that!!

You have to be a good listener - why they’re giving, motivation for it, what will get us both excited

Personal relationships matter

Person most likely to give you money has already given to you → more sustainable model

Incentives

Project based vs idea based (different difficulties)

How the platform you’re using works + how people engage with it

Crowdfunder UK for the community aspect

The more it gets shared → bigger community

Keep engaging, re engaging, thank yous + pay attention to high donor

Doing things (imperfect testing) vs selling the idea

Nonny + Sophie: positive money = economic reform for fairer, youth network, dominant voices are white old male, we experience the brunt of the stupid decisions made  race/gender/class blind

[lettersforyoulettersforme]

When You Talk about Everything From Power Plays to Engagement...

Stephen and I were talking about marriage last night. Ha because I brought it up. It’s something we talk about sometimes and I had been with (old) Sophie earlier that day. She and I were discussing it in the context of our own respective relationships. She and Ben don’t talk about it very much- she doesn’t quite feel ready.

It’s interesting to accept that I do, in fact, feel ready. Not only that, but I want to get married to Stephen. I’m not jumping into anything too quickly, but I just feel ready. Does that mean I’m like a fully formed adult? I don’t know. I don’t really know anyone else my age in my position, so I feel like I don’t have anyone to really ask about this. So I’m just going with my gut.

When Stephen and I were talking about it last night, we both acknowledged how we were falling into semi stereotypical roles. Stephen, the “guy,” who was “not quite ready” with “things to accomplish first.” Me, the “girl,” who is “pushing him for answers ever so slightly” and who “feels that marriage isn’t a death sentence or the same thing as having a kid, meaning that it wouldn’t put your life on hold.”

But then it got me thinking about the technical aspects of marriage, aspects that are often glossed over and ones that I don’t really think about. Ever. Like WHERE would it be? And who would come? And who would pay for it? Or how would WE pay for it? And since our lives and our friends are so geographically distant, how could we get everyone in one place for one day? How many people would come?

I told Stephen that I would split the cost of the ring with him. Hmmmm maybe I just want a new piece of jewerly and a slew of parties. Maybe I just want to be more the center of everyone’s attention? That’s true, I will not for even more breath deny that. BUT (big but here), it’s much more than that. I do want to celebrate my relationship with my family and celebrate with my friends and be close and happy. But I would just be happy marrying him tomorrow. It wouldn’t be what I was picturing, but I do think that I would be happy. In a lot of ways, I already feel married to Stephen. I feel domesticated (though, let’s be honest, I was never THAT wild). I feel great about my relationship. I feel like my whole life, in fact, is in a good, strong place. I feel comfortable where my friendships are, where my school and then professional life will be/ currently are, and hey, I’m getting my driver’s license (hopefully) soon. So this whole life thing is coming somewhat full circle. I guess that I just feel happy and it’s not a new feeling and it’s a feeling that should be celebrated. Sure, sad and annoying things have happened to me, but I feel like I’ve been able to work past them. Which, on a slightly unrelated note, makes me think of Christiana. We are so similiar in so many ways (What’s up Saint James? Hi NYU). She’s even said “Our lives have been running parallel for so long.” And that WAS true, but it’s not true anymore. It just makes me think about nature versus nurture and other things of that ilk- like.. Why, despite all of the odds, is Christiana still depressed? She had the “right” upbringing, her parents give her so much (I’m just leaving Tess out of this equation because she’s another can of worms), she was cum laude-- which at the time, felt like everything, she graduated with Honors- which at the time, felt like everything (here’s looking at you, Snee), but she isn’t in a good place.  I don’t mean to compare, I feel like I’m coming from a place of concern. I hate that she isn’t more of where she thought she would be. She will say things like “I hate that I’m not where I thought I would be. But I’m working to accept that.” Its hard to not disagree with her. I dont want to whole heartedly agree, I want to support her and use that strengths based perspective we’re always talking about in school. But I wonder if the sugar coating is sheltering her further and kind of damaging her even more? Hoensty is important, but I don’t want to crush her by agreeing with the negative voice in her head. I think it just depends on the day/ hour with her and it’s been something that’s been tough over the later year of our friendship. It’s tough to know HOW to be there for someone who can’t pick themselves up. Shouldering her and her mania and her depression (not that I did it alone) was exhausting. Even that fraction that I shouldered felt unbearable  most of the time (Hayley knows from my complaining) but yeah… I feel like I just went on a tangent. I think that if I were to cut through the words that I just spewed, I would  note that the emotions behind that content were concern and perhaps guilt for being quote on quote “happy” when Christiana is quote on quote “not.” It feels weird to be talking about weddings and engagements with someone who I love, someone who christiana barely knows, when she’s locked herself away in Hagerstown. I feel bad that our lives were so parallel for so long and now she’s just slid back into a place and a person that I don’t recognize.

I know that I can seperate my happiness and her life, but I do need to find a way to stop feeling “bad” and “guilty” about things that I have no control over in my life. So that’s just a theme that I clarified for myself- I feel guilty about aspects of my life that are outside of my control. I knew that, but it never hurts to say it again. Once more, ladies!

Anyway, to back away from that for a minute, Isabella comes back tomorrow. I don’t quite know how I feel about her return. She’s been out of DC for a year and she’s back. Part of me wondered if I’d see the day. But here we fucking are, people. So much has changed for both of us and in a way, we’ve barely spoken over the course of her time abroad. Which is fine, no one is upset about that. But I’m supposed to see her tomorrow to return her stuff and catch up with her. But I’m just like not excited about it. Mainly because I feel like she’ll always be wanting to catch up and hang out and do things. I always complain about hanging out with her and then when I get there, it’s always great and incredible. But she is just so judgemental and I hate that about her. I feel like I can never truly and 100 percent be myself with her (unless there’s wine) and I don’t like that uneasy feeling. She was the first friend I made here and honestly, I feel like I outgrew her. How do you break up with friends? Especially in this day and age on social media and shit? Nothing is a fucking secret. Haley Jakobson acts like she’s the only one who spills all of her secrets, but the rest of us are not that far behind. Not to take anything away from her, and what she’s doing is important. But I feel like that could be me or you or anyone else at any point. We’re getting closer and closer to realness. Also, realness includes an Instgram that isn’t perfectly well lit and curated like hers is. Sorry, I’m stepping away, literally no need to tear her down. Truly no need.

San Diego is so soon, by the way! January is like almost half way done and then February and then we basically go. I have a lot of tests and stuff beforehand, but we’re almost there. Time is fucking flying and I’m just trying to loosen the purse strings and treat myself and have a little bit more fun. LIke if I see a dress in San Diego that I want, I should just BUY it. Me and money man. What a doozey there.

I’m going to wrap this up soon. I’m just rambling at this point and putting off reading my second article for my social work in communities power. OH the first article was so interesting though… Just about how as social workers, we have more power than our clients, especially if they are nonvoluntary. And how we need to learn to accept that power dynamic and how to truly advocate on the behalf of our clients. And how that isn’t as easily said or done because everyone’s reality is objective to their past experiences/ their lives and how it’s tough to TRULY advocate on behalf of a client because we’ll never know their experiences. It’s just endlessly fascinating to me because this whole social work field is so steeped in politics (like everything is and always has been) and how individual therapy can only go so far when the overarching policies that are dictating various clients’ lives keep them in chains (metaphorical or otherwise). Just makes me realize how badass social workers are and how it really is this clan of individuals fighting for the marginalized. But how as much as we can fight for them, even our occupation itself is reliant on a particular sector fo the population to remain marginalized in SOME sense. (READ the essay the positive functions of poverty.) It’s just important to remember that there is relief/ allyship/ advocacy but at the end of the day, when social workers go home, we have REST but our clients might never get that same rest or peace of mind. What a humbling position to be in, to constantly know that your client is  “on the job” 24/7 and you get to walk away and exist in your own life. It’s weird to keep those two ideas seperate, but also necessary in order to avoid emotional burnout. Something to consider now and later….