#ill do it until i hit blood and then i will know i am alive

[vilz]

i'll bend myself out of shape for you. i'll become something new for you. i'll put myself in a little box, and you'll sing a song, and i'll pop back out again- surprise! a real boy at last... a real person, a real...

i'll really really really be me, the me you want me to be. and it won't hurt at all. what's your favourite shape? i'll be it. i can be it.

[matthewmurdockswife]

Hello!! Could you please do one where Tony Stark is the readers dad and he finds her SH?? Thank you!

Iron brusies x tony stark (platonic)

Tw: self harm, depictive description of cutting, anxiety attack, hitting,

a/n : guys im always here to talk feel free to talk to me about anything at anytime good or bad my messages are and will always be open you can even send me a anonymous message in the req box if thats what you need to do Talk to me or a friend theres always someone there for you if you look hard enough I promise

I never felt like enough, which is unexpected when you’re constantly put out into the media and are being portrayed as “the happiest person alive” everyone wants my life many envy my family and my life style but not very many people understand it, and I mean truly understand it. Underneath the media personality I had to put on as an avengers daughter and a future avenger hid many scars.

It started a few years ago on accident I was shaving my legs when I accidentally sliced myself. But my reaction wasnt the same as it used to be, instead of being upset I was relieved. It felt like an escape and from that moment foward it felt impossible to stop

“ hey kiddo” My dad walked over to me while I leant against the kitchen island “hey” I remained looking at my phone my voice was faltering and was sure to give me away I didnt need my dad knowing about how I felt. If I ever wanted to be an avenger I cant have problems like this I cant let anyone see me weak.

He had stopped his movements, looking at me he reached out to touch my shoulder in an attempt to comfort me he always seemed to know something was up. without looking I pushed off the island without a glance or a word. I couldnt let him see me break. No one can see me break.

Everything felt out of control, my world was spiralling and so I went to the one thing that put me in control. My razor blades. I took the elevator up to the secluded floor I knew what I was doing in order for me to not get caught I had to think smart. I had this memorized, never say where your going, never go to that floor with another avenger and never use your own room.

I told friday the floor number remaining as composed as possible the cracks in my voice a dead giveaway “ mrs stark are you alright your blood pressure and heart rate have dramatically increased” taking a deep breath I reply to the ai “im fine fri” using an irritated tone in an attempt to conceal how im crumbling apart “ are you sure mrs stark? I can contact your father if needed” fridays tone questioning and concerned “im fine friday im just not feeling well” And I darted out of the elevator the moment the doors where opened

I opened the drawer containg the one thing I needed my razor as I smashed it against the floor over and over again until the metal blades broke free and I grabbed one and pushed it into my leg letting the metal drag across my skin. The blood dripping down my leg.

my hands shook and my body trembled one more I told myself each time. one more and ill be okay one more I kept repeating it over and over again in my head like a melody, a mantra like a prayer for help

my hands shook I felt my mind scream a blood curdling scream when I heard the thing I dreaded most. a knock on the door “hey kiddo you alright friday said you felt sick do you need anything can I come in”

i was panicking i thought i had this covered i thought i could be smooth about this i thiught i coukd do this and no one would know the thought of my father finding out about me about what i am what i do what ive become is enough to start sending me into a anxiety attack “ im about to have a shower” my voice was faulty and a dead give away and i covered my mouth trying to stop the broken sobs from escaping my lips anymore then they already had .” dont lie to me friday said your heart reate was through the rough whats going on kiddo” I let a sob escape my mouth but quickly covered it I heard a sigh and then a click

the door had been opened it was my greatest nightmare my breathing quicked as I lunged full force at the door trying to keep my dad out but he had had the advantage he was standing I was flipped onto my stomach as he pushed open the door once again

“ why are you on the floor kiddo c’mon stand up” he reached under my bicep as attempt to help lift me up “ NO” I screamed ripping my arm from his grasp looking up face stained in tears my dad’s expression written of pure shock guilt washed over me my emotions reaching an all time new high

I felt that drowning feeling begin again in my chest and then in my stomach and the voices in my brain began chanting on how I had messed this up, how it was all over, how I was worthless.Any negative comment anyones made on me being thrown at me by my own mind I scrambled to sit up against the tub holding my legs to my chest gasling hard for air. I was having an anxiety attack in front kd my dad who sat there eyes wide motiomless and wearing a shocked expression he came to sit down next tk me stroking my back while I sobbed wildy he pulled me into his chest while I fought against him throwing weak haphazard punches and his shoulder screaming kicking and crying to be let go off but he knly held me tighter and stroked my hair gently shishing me quieting my cries as he had done when i was younger to console me .

only then did I relax into his embrace

only then did I allow myself to be vulnerable

only then did he notice the multitudeof faded and fresh marks on my legs including the ones I had just freshly reopened

only then was I honest and opened up about the past two years of hell I went through

only then did I begin to see my dad differently as someone who understood what I had gone through because he had gone through it himself. I gained a new appreciation for my father that day, I’ve never been better and I owe it all to him

A/n

girlie im so sorry i didnt even see this lol sorry It took me so long to get around to. anywho sorry if this wasnt what you meant also sorry if this is bad its like 1 am my eyes are burning 🤭 love you guys never be scared to reach out for help, and always drink your water <3 bye loves

[sunnyy3d]

Nightmare| Thomas Thorne x Reader

Warnings: death, implied suicide, angst

A/N: Please feel free to give me requests!!!

He is in the field. Oh God. What is he doing? I am running, but my legs aren’t carrying me fast enough. I will never get there in time. I am trying to scream, but nothing is coming out of my mouth. He does not need to do this. Whatever was said is not worth dying over. We have not even been able to get married yet; we are only newly betrothed. He cannot die! I am too late. I am at the field when I hear Byron’s gun go off. I was so close. Finally, I can get the words out of my mouth, “Thomas!” “My love,” he replies, holding his wound. “He shot early, we did not get to twenty paces.” “It is okay, Thomas. Someone, get a doctor!” I scream while clutching onto him. I am already sobbing when Francis walks up to us. I do not even notice until he puts his hand on my shoulder. “Get off of me and go get a doctor,” I command. Francis sighs, “There is nothing a doctor can do. The bullet hit too close to his organs.” “You do not know that. You are not a doctor, so go get one,” I yell at him. I hear Francis walk away. I hold tightly onto Thomas, “Thomas, you cannot die. I will not allow it. You cannot make me live without you, I simply will not.” Thomas raises his clean hand to my face, pulling me in for a sweet kiss. “I did this for you, my love. You shine brighter than the sun, and I could not let those charlatans get away with speaking ill of you. I would say I’m sorry, but that would mean that I have regrets, and I do not. It only saddens me that I will not get to spend more time with you. I love you, dear. Do not ever forget that.” “I love you, too, Thomas. Please do not go. We could have so much more time together,” I sob. I hug him, not caring if I get blood on my dress. Why has Francis not come back with the doctor? I pull away from the hug, hoping to get another good look at Thomas’ face. Maybe he can tell me something poetic, anything to prove he is not dying. But I get the opposite of that. Instead of a happy and alive Thomas, I see a pale and dead one. I start screaming and sobbing, gripping his shirt in my fists. After a little bit, Francis finally comes back. “Where were you? You let him die!” I yell, shoving him. Francis grabs my wrists and pulls me into a hug, but I quickly push him away.

I sprint back to the house, running into my room. What am I to do? I cannot live without Thomas. I pace in front of my bed, contemplating. I cannot live without him, so I shan’t, and I start devising a plan. I put on my best dress and fix my hair. I would look the prettiest I have ever been, if my face did not look so sullen. After ensuring everyone is asleep, I grab a candle and sneak out of my room. I head back into my room after grabbing the main step to my plan. Now, all I need to do is make sure that everything is in order. I place the letters down on my desk in a neat row. There is one for each member of my family that I am leaving. All I have to do now is go to bed. I lay down, trying not to think of my fate and the death of my love, but of the happy times I have spent with him and my family. Eventually, I drift off to sleep.

I wake up with a start, tears streaming down my face. I look around, spotting Thomas. Quickly, I hug him, sobbing into his chest. I hold him like I would die if I ever let go. He groans, waking up due to the sudden change. After realizing what is going on he sits up and grabs me, “What is wrong, my love? What has happened?” “I had a nightmare. It was of the day it occurred,” I explain, sniffling. Thomas pulls me in for a hug, shushing me and rubbing my back. “Oh, it is okay, dear. I am here now. It is all in the past. Nothing bad can happen to us anymore. Look, let us lie back down and sleep.” I let him bring me back down to the bed, not faltering on my grip. I lay my head on his chest, “Can you just talk to me?” He soothingly rubs my back. “Of course. Anything for you, my love.”

[xxleviathansimpxx]

LOTR x immortal fem reader

Please dont repost or like steal my writing because that not nice.

Also my first time writing a actual fanfix and it may or may not be horrible to read ad grammar mistakes are also my bad

Tw. Mentoins of death, Chronically ill, and memory loss

.

I can barely hold onto what little life i had left, my bones were brittle and my mind was foggy.

for I am near death. 

I'm weak and sick, my death will be one more chore check off a list

i'm scared and cold and restrained with cords that keep me barely alive

I look at the ceiling, I'm thinking.. recalling my life.

my life.. was worthless... i am worthless,

 i have not a single meaning but burden 

nothing is what i am 

I want more, more than what I am! so please…

I muster the strength to speak aloud

"I beg you lord ... give me one more chance... a healthy body, one that can run, jump, climb, and do things others can do even more if possible..." my voice is soft and frail

I feel my eyes slowly close as I lay on my death bed alone. 

I thought I was ready but I'm not. I'm afraid of death.

my heart beats faster than ever before "i- i don't want to die!... Please I don't want to feel my life slip away... someone please help, I want to live!" i say in almost a shout hoping someone would hear

i rip the cords that decorate my body and slowly and painfully move off my bed

I can feel blood dripping from my nose but I keep on walking slowly. one baby step at a time 

The scrawny weak legs i have are shaking profusely and i feel as if i'm going to pass out

i open two double doors to my balcony and feel the fresh air hit my body, i sigh in relief

i haven't felt the crisp cold night air in years

my baby steps become crawls as my knees have finally given up

I think I'm ready.. i crawl using my arms and slowly and painfully move to the railing and pull myself up, my hair has become undone and flows in the fast cool wind

my eyes regester the full moon that shines so bright 

i stare at the moon for what felt like hours it probably was

i can no longer hold my body up right i'm on the floor crying waiting the sun rise

"please" i no longer know what i'm pleading for but i know that it's my last few minutes 

"someone please..." I mutter. 

my eyes are now fully closed, only black i see now. After seeing the beautiful array of colors I now see the comforting black.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Wet grass 

I smell wet grass around me

“Wha-? Why am i wet” i sit up expecting pain but i move so fast i fall over on my face

I have to sit up wipe my face clean from earth that sits on my face

Once my eyes adjust to the light I see my hands… my hands? “OH MY GOD MY HANDS” i shout so loud birds flutter out of trees

My hands are full of life, not just some boney crusty appendage. “So pretty” I blurt aloud my mouth curls upward into a smile. 

I look around and am amazed by what I'm seeing. Not some tall metal glass buildings or loud car honks, just soft bird chirps and beautiful greenery 

My hands feel my entire body, one that's plump and squishy.

I slowly stood up and hoisted myself up on a tree so I'm not overwhelmed. I slowly walk forward and pick up pace and begin to run as fast as I can.

“Thank You!” i shout while running until i see a decently sized lake that i rush towards

My knees fall to the ground and tears are falling from my eyes

I look into the lake only to see a lively youthful  face 

“Wow, is that me?” i say so quiet i could barely hear myself

I hear soft gingles from afar and someone humming

I see a path that enters from the one side of a patch of trees to the opposite side of the lake. Very rustic i think and i stand up and walk to the rode and see a old man riding a very rickety wagon and wearing an odd looking hat

“Why hello there! Wonderful day we are having today isn't it?” the old man says 

I say nothing but look at him. He looks almost offended by my blanket stares 

“Oh sorry, hi..”

“Hi?” he looks at me with a cheerful smile 

“I'm sorry, do you know where I am right now?” i say nervously “i'm a bit lost” geez i haven't had a full conversation with someone in ages or at least someone who wasn't a doctor

“ It's quite alright, you’re in middle earth and right out the outskirts of hobbiton” he says and points to a direction down hill

“I'm heading to hobbiton right now, would you like to join me?” he says and shifts to the left to make space for me

“I've never heard of middle earth or uh hobbitson before actually” i say and begin to wonder if this is just some crazy homeless old man 

“It's pronounced hobbiton actually, are you not from around these parts?” he says questioningly

“No, I'm not from anywhere near here actually i've never seen such green grass!” I said awkwardly “hehe… okay, ill um join you to the hobbiton?” i quickly respond to his original question

“Alright hop on and stay still it's a very bumpy ride” the old man says almost laughing at my nervousness

And I'm getting on he says “Im Gandalf and you are?” 

“Oh uh i'm…” I struggle to say my own name. My name? What is my name again

My new ‘friend looks at me patently and has almost a pitiful look on his face as i struggle to remember 

“I'm sorry I don't really remember…” I said " almost ashamed “you don't remember? That alright i'll just call you Y/N” he says trying to make me feel better 

“Is that a good name for you? Or do you prefer something different?” he say as i finally hop on the waggon

“Yes i think it's a very nice name actually” i say smiling again

Gandals whips his lead and we begin to move slowly down the road. We talk about our lives although i have not much to say 

All I remember is how unhappy and miserable I was but maybe tomorrow  I'll remember who I am.

[amorgansgal]

Of Wailing Winds, And Naked Woods

Arthur has found a place to rest away from the difficulties of the world and the misery the gang is facing, but he finds his sleep is disturbed by an old friend.

Warnings: Depiction of illness (TB)

‘Hey. Hey! Pssst. Wake up!’

Arthur mumbles in his sleep and pushes the finger that is poking his cheek away. He rolls over onto his side and tries his best to fall back to sleep again, the welcoming lure of a deep, dreamless sleep is one way he can escape from everything that happens in his waking life.

‘Hey, don’t ignore me. Wake up!’ the woman’s voice whispers.

It takes him a moment to realise that this is strange. He is camping out in the forest, near Owanjila lake. There shouldn’t be anyone here to wake him. Tilly and Hosea aren’t here to wake him up with coffee, nor is the piercing yell of Grimshaw knocking pans over his head or Dutch yelling his name from across camp. If there is someone here, then perhaps he should be in for a ruder awakening. O’Driscolls shooting shit up and trying to rob him or a bear ripping through the canvas material! Not the soft, light teasing tone of a woman.

He cautiously peeps open his eyes, before rolling over onto his back. He is greeted by the dark grey material of his canvas tent and the only sounds he can hear is the heavy drip, drip, drip of fat rain drops hitting the tent from tree branches overhead. He can hear the rumble of the storm rolling over the hills and mountains, disappearing into the west.

Arthur sits up. He doesn’t feel tired anymore. He stretches and finds that the usual joints that would click and cry out in pain, are no longer hurting him. He inhales deeply and finds the air doesn’t irritate his lungs. He stops. Unable to believe it. Maybe its gone. Maybe the illness that has sent burning needles through his lungs, made his throat raw and made his mouth taste like nothing but blood has been cured. He cautiously coughs and isn’t overwhelmed by the furious, burning desire to cough and cough and cough until there is nothing left.

‘Psst!’

He jumps at the sound and stares at the tent flaps. A woman’s giggle echoes through the woods and a shiver runs down Arthur’s spine, as he hears nails run down the material. He swallows harshly and picks up his revolver.

‘Who’s there?’ he barks.

The tent flap shifts aside and Jenny pokes her head into the tent. Mousy brown hair, grey eyes and that irrepressible grin she always wore slides into view. ‘Me, silly. Why are you so grumpy?’

‘I’m always grumpy!’ he mutters. He frowns at her. How did she get here? He rode out alone. He camped alone. The gang are miles away. ‘What are you doing here?’

She frowns slightly as though the question has thrown her off. ‘I… I don’t know. Same as you, I suppose.’

‘Wha’s that suppose to mean? Same as me? You ain’t supposed to be here, you should be in camp, you’re meant to be-’ and the words get caught in his throat. Jenny is dead. Shot dead months ago. A bullet to her stomach. Making her cry and whimper at every jolt in the road while she was in the wagon, even though she was still trying to make jokes and laugh and pretend everything was fine.

‘Where am I meant to be? I think I’m where I’m meant to be. I think most of us are here though,’ she says.

‘What?’

Jenny gives him a teasing smile and then turns her head, as though calling to someone just outside the tent. ‘Hey, c’mere!’

‘Jenny?’ he asks partially confused and partially wary. How is this happening? Who is she speaking to? Where the hell are they? How can Jenny, flesh and blood, rosy cheeks, breathing and alive Jenny, be here? Talking to him, watching him, laughing at him?

Then right by his ear, he hears a small voice whisper as though confused and scared, ‘Papa?’

~~~

He jolts awake, the fierce, painful cough ripping open his throat, making him gasp for air and tears blind him as his body is wracked with coughs. The iron tang of blood seeps onto his tongue and he manages to sit up. He grabs his canteen and swallows the stale water therein. A few gasping breaths and he’s gained some semblance of control, though his body is still fighting him, still failing him.

He wipes a rough hand over his mouth and finds himself blinded by sunlight. He looks up at the opened tent flaps, the world beyond looks like a beautiful painting, the sway of emerald green trees, the grass moving like an ocean of soft greens and purple flowers, the bright bolt of blue sky, it all promises so much for those who get to live in it. He ignores the certainty that he closed the tent flaps last night and busies himself with packing away the camp, so he doesn’t remember hearing his son’s voice so close to him. Only fools believe in anything like that.

[8chels8]

film review #1: dont worry darling

dont worry darling is a film directed my oliva wilde, staring florence pugh (who i fell in love with after watching midsommar, such an amazing actor and beautiful woman), harry styles, chris pine that one guy who voices big mouth characters,

i watched this, what, thriller? movie tonight, in fact only just finished it so my mind is fresh. but, i would personally put it more as a psychological.

my mum, of course, who i watched it with, did not like it... psychological movies are certainly an acquired taste as majority of the movie becomes nonsense without analysing it. (which comes naturally to me)

its a slower movie, building plot as time goes on but most of the action takes place towards the end. i do like how at the start-ish, you get some random aspects that are confusing at first, but once the story builds it all makes sense

cinematography, ill give a good 8.5/10, i loved the scenes with food, it wasn't revolutionary, but was some great camera work !! although, one scene actually made me feel sick with the constant rotating of the camera for a good 5 minutes straight.

acting? 9.5/10, florence pugh is an amazing actor, and i was very pleased to see her iconic frown featured in this movie, all of the acting was pretty much super good !! i thought in some spots, harry could have improved, but this is what, his first big film? I'm not too sure, and margaret as well was a bit dodgy...

i interpreted this movie as somewhat of a george orwell 1984/truman show inspired film... the themes of not being allowed to think out of the 'norm', not allowed to question this 'perfect reality' they live in, as well as the whole 'victory meat', 'victory eggs', whole schtick reminded me heavily of the 'victory gin', 'victory cigarettes', from 1894. when it comes to the truman show aspects, the whole living in this perfect, colourful paradise with it all being fake without you knowing is obviously what made me think of that.

in my eyes, the film, as revealed in it actually, is this risky simulation, a second chance at life for when you hit rock bottom and feel as though you have nowhere to turn. its a last resort; a perfect last resort. their relationship was struggling, life crumbling, and so, jack did the only thing he thought he could. he thought he was saving alice, doing what was right, but it was involuntary on alice's part. the only condition to this perfect life, was to not let the wives find out, because otherwise, you will die. they sold their lives away, put them on the line. you built your dream self, lived a dream life, everything was perfect, until you see the reality behind it all. the men, slaving away to keep their unaware wives alive while the economy was dying. throughout the film, we constantly see the women dancing, the blue eye, the blood etc as small flicks, its a look into reality, the constant video; hypnotisation. the community, in a way, reminded me of a cult.

the men had the best interest at heart, thinking they were promised a safe life for them and their loved ones, but it was toxic, more dangerous than the real world.

well !! i rambled on a bit, but that's what my tumblr is for !! in no way am i actually a movie critic, just an avid movie enjoyer, who loves psychological films.

i'd recommend this movie to people who think like me, and enjoy the same kind of movies... people who arent big on looking for deeper meanings within things, probably don't watch this movie because you'll think its stupid.

but also, one last note, it really didn't need those two sexual scenes... they were quite graphic and genuinely added nothing to the plot, whatsoever, its almost like they were added in for the sake of adding in inappropriate scenes, you know, because apparently that's all the film community cares about? (it really isn't, please stop adding these weird scenes just for the sake of it) but also, you could interpret it as they arent genuinely able to 'do it' because of the simulation so that's what they do instead?? i suppose you can justify it... but still

[minimultiestfandoms]

Kim Jungwoo As A Wendigo!

Warnings: blood, cannibalism, family loss, slight depression

Authors note: this is for my nct 2020 Halloween collab series which didn’t really get finished, I decided to do how you met Wendigo Jungwoo- if you guys want to write any of the open slots please pm me!! And go read the other writers works too!! :) 💗

Requested: No *not proofread!*

We all already know Jungwoo loves to eat.

That’s his hobby bruh.

When Jungwoo and his family rented a private lodge up in the mountains, they had a lot of fun.

That is until a major snow storm hit the lodge and Jungwoo and his family were stuck in the cabin with no way out, for 2 weeks they were stuck in the cabin at the lodge.

Jungwoo’s parents made sure to feed Jungwoo and his older sister that they could while their food lasted.

Soon enough the generator for the lodge shut down, meaning their was no heat or utilities they could possibly use, the food that was once in the fridge now rotten from not getting the amount of cold it need.

Him and his family slowly counted down the days till they would meet their end, knowing they couldn’t get in contact with anyone outside of the lodge.

Jungwoo’s family started to get greedy and eat up the food for themselves, Jungwoo let as he already had lost hope.

A week later Jungwoo Ahmad gotten more skinny and started to become mentally ill, his brain started to speak to him.

“Why suffer when you have a whole meal in front you, you have suffer enough, hunger, pain, loneliness, you’re family only cares for their selves, yet you let them kill you slowly” the person in his head spoke to him.

“No shut up, my family cares about me, they are starving just like me” Jungwoo spoke.

“Are you sure they aren’t keeping secrets from you?, letting you starve on purpose, to kill off another waste of space in their life” it spoke.

“SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP?!” He yells, his family looking at him with disgust, like he was a psycho.

“What’s wrong with you psycho?!” His sister yelled back at him.

He frowned and went upstairs to his room locking the door and hiding under his blanket, shaking and crying.

Loud screams and noises invade his head, he cried more as he felt screams and hoot ivade all his once peaceful full thoughts.

But then silence was heard, he stoped his crying, and left his room.

His ear not hearing noises and his mouth not saying a word.

His brain took over control of his body, him no longer in control, all he knew was when he gained his Conscious back, his hands were bloody and his family was dead, ripped to shreds.

His Stomach felt sick and he thrower up crying and hitting himself, he cried in the mirror shouting at himself, he saw his own demon in the mirror taking back to him.

“You were starving and now you’re not, you gave in to my deal, now you deal with the consequences, I am apart of you now, you will feast on flesh and become one with me” it spoke.

Jungwoo started to change, the taste of flesh started to taste sweet and he started getting used to eating the prey at the lodge whenever visitors came, soon enough the lodge was shut down by the city for the many murders, nobody went near the lodge, leaving Jungwoo starving.

Until a group of men, broke in chasing a (insert gender), they looked extremely scared as they were chased.

The moment he saw them he felt his heart beat, something that has not happened in 2 years.

He knew something was wrong and slowly shifted to his Wendigo form.

Bones cracking and stretching, teeth growing long and sharp, his once human hands now had became claw.

He rushed out the cabin and followed the group of humans.

He watched over the rocks as the men cornered the H/C (insert pronoun), they looked at the men cornering them worried and starts to yell.

“LEAVE ME ALONE, PLEASE?!, I-I DONT WANT TO HURT YOU?!”

“Haha what are you going to do eat us alive, I mean you could give us head hahaha, why don’t you just except that you’re not going anywhere” one of the three men said

“Yeah, one blow wouldn’t hurt would it?” Another one of the men chuckles darkly

Jungwoo growled in his spot, his inner demon spoke to him into his brain.

“What are you doing go and eat them all we haven’t feasted in 2 years?!” It Spoke.

Jungwoo nodded and ran past the trees, branches cracking and spooking the 4 humans.

“What the fuck was that?” The third man said.

“I don’t know, let’s just take them and go?!” The first man said.

“N-no?!” The H/C (insert pronoun) screamed.

The three men grab onto the what seemed to be weak human.

As the human scream and fought back , surprising Jungwoo at how strong they were.

The what seemed weak human kicked tone of the men in the dick and ran, they then turned around and pulled out a pocket knife, trying to defend themselve.

Jungwoo sat amused at the humans will to survive, even his demon was shocked at the humans will.

The two men ran toward the S/C Human and tried to attack them.

Only for the S/C human to stab the man coming at them, the other man scared as he saw the human stab his friend relentlessly over and over again, the man go angry and pined the H/C human on the ground.

Jungwoo growled, his heart beating fast and hard that it started to hurt him, his stomach started to growl as well at the smell of the man who had been stabbed.

Jungwo came out of the rocks/trees? And jumped on the man attacking the S/C human, the man screams in pain and started to bleed like his friend, Jungwoo fought all of the three men and now they were laying their dead.

Jungwoo stared back at the stunning human that was staring at him with a shocked face, he started to feel insecure and turns about to run away, assuming that the human would probably run away and leave the lodge and that he could come back for his food.

Just as he turned, the human spoke “a-wait?!, please, l-look I don’t know what y-you are but thank you, p-please let me help you, you’re injured” the human pouted at him.

His heart speed up and he grabbed his heart at the feeling, he nodded slowly and carried the also injured human all the way back up to the cabin him and his family once owned.

It was only then that Jungwoo noticed how injured he actually was, just as the entered inside he had passed out blank cold.

The human worried and started to lift the creature over to the couch, struggling a bit but making it.

They go to look for a med kit and finds one in the bathroom, they fix themselves up quickly and come back down with the kit going to the couch, staring at the creature that had just saved them.

They noticed that it’s body was started to change form and started to freak out.

“Oh my god, oh my god, why is its body changing? what do I do?”

When they turned back to the look at the creature, their face switched from worry to confusion and shock.

The council where once a creature layer, now had a human laying in its place, his shirt and pants slightly rips, like it had been stretched, and scars and wounds on display.

Y/N started to freak out and started to aid the hurt man.

Once finished Y/N found a blanket and placed it on the man, they saw some fire wood outside and brought it inside and starting a fire in the fireplace that had been in front of the couch the man was lying in, Y/N began to feel like they were crazy or dreaming, desired to sit near the fire on the mini couch by the fireplace.

Eventually after he woke up he explained everything to you and that you should leave, but you somehow felt the need to pay this man back and to learn more about him, plus it wasn’t like you had a home to go back to.

You two talked for hours to each other and ended up learning about each other.

You promised him you would feed him if in return he let you stay with him and learn about him and try to break his curse.

Jungwoo felt his heart flutter when you told him you would help him and that’s when he knew he had to keep you near him, and so he did.

[thesimkingdoms]

FROM THE JOURNAL OF QUEEN FLEUR-FALL 1542

 Dear Diary,                                                                    

My cheek still strung with pain as I assured Akira that I was fine. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Baron Claude. Great. He had a front row seat to my attack and probably couldn’t wait to report back to Papa. In fact, I could hear my father’s voice inside my head as I ducked inside the palace. You think just because you’re a queen now that you’ll have their respect? Respect must be earned and you don’t have what it takes! In our guest bedroom, I barely had time to dry my tears before Edward  came in.

 Edward: Are you alright? They just told me what happened.

Fleur: We’ve fine.

E: Then why won’t you look at me?

Damn him!  Why can’t he let it be? F: You want the truth,  Edward? The baby’s fine, I however, am furious!

E: Don’t worry, the guards  escorted him out of the palace. I saw it myself.

F: That’s good, but I’m not furious with him. I’m furious are you!

E: Me? What did I do?

F: Do you know why I was hit?   I was hit because that man thought I  was Mary. He wouldn’t have thought  that   if Mary wasn’t still alive!

E:  You’re mad at me because I didn’t sentence Mary to  death?

F: (shrugs) Why not? It’s the law of every kingdom that when a queen comgmits treason, that queen is put to death!

E: But Mary didn’t commit treason. Treason would be plotting against me or plotting  to take my kingdom away from me. All Mary did was  fall in love with another man. It   wasn’t her fault that she couldn’t love me. Besides, any king who values his own pride over the needs of 3 helpless newborns is not a king I would like to meet!

 That took the anger right out of me. F: You’re right. I’m so sorry. I would  never wish anyone ill—will. It’s just  I always knew that I would marry but I thought I would marry a prince as we would ascend to the throne together. Or I  would at least the king’s 1st queen. But I’m not your 1st wife or your 1st queen.

 E:(softly)Why  do I get the feeling that this isn’t about Mary?

F: Because it’s  not. You know, ever since I can remember, I’ve wanted to do good in this world; to rule. This would have an impossible dream  if I was born a dairy maid or on a farm. But I’m not a farmer’s daughter, I’m a king’s daughter, and moreover, a king’s firstborn. But I was born into the kingdom. I have no rights; for the successions laws in Willow Creek are all Salic, that mean boys and boys only, as we both know. If anything, God forbid, should happen to my father and my brothers, the throne would go to  my next nearest male relative. A distant cousin of mine, who has never been to Willow Creek and possibly doesn’t even know he has royal blood, has more right to my father’s throne than I do.

E: And how does that made   you  feel?

I took a  step forward and looked Edward straight in the eye. F:  It makes me pretty damn angry. You know, I heard that the treasury of Willow Creek is pretty full compared to last year’s I have  no doubt that a good amount of that money comes from my dowry, but do I get so much as a thank you?  Of course not! When my  brothers get married, their wives will have to move to Willow Creek but I had to leave the only home I’ve ever known. My parents were no  help. You see, I was a very stubborn child. I asked them both many, many times why the boys were more important than me even though I was the oldest. My father called me unnatural for  even questioning it. My  mother called my behavior ‘unladylike’. They both made me feel like I was the only girl in the world who preferred books to needlework and  who didn’t love to debate who  had the shiniest hair ribbons. For a long time, I believed until I read your mother’s journals.

E: I’m so sorry, Fleur.

I needed a second to shallow my tears so I sat down. F: I always promised myself that I would never be just be an royal babymaker. Of course, now that I’m pregnant, you must think I’m a terrible person.

Edward sat beside me and took my hand. E: Not at all. If I’ve been in your shoes growing up, I would have felt that same way. Everyone needs a purpose in life. You just haven’t found yours yet, but you’re so young and bright, I know that you will, in addition to being a wonderful mother.

F: Thank you. I left to  take off my jewels and slip into  my nightgown. When I came back, Edward was on the bed, a stack of papers in his hand. F: What’s that? E: A speech I  have to make to parliament as soon as we get back. But no matter how much I rewrite this, it still not right. Would you mind taking a look? F: Edward, I don’t want pity. E: Good,   because  I don’t believe in pity. When I ask you for your opinion, it’s  because  I would like to   hear what you think. But I saw the red ink. F: Looks  like someone already helped you. E: Marianna  looked at it, but we  agree that the closing paragraph has the wrong tone. He encourage me to take paper so I did.

 Signed Fleur, Queen of Windenburg

[lunakatherina]

Real Life Mulan

And ofc before 2022 ends we gotta hit the ground running with a heart to heart conversation that gives both a bittersweet closure and a beginning. I’ve always been open about my mental health or unhealthiness at that. To remind myself in the future what I go through and how it will only be a mere memory if I pass through this as well. This generation without a doubt is the first generation to really start realizing how experiences in early life builds us to who we are in our adulthood. Unfortunately my parents are one of the asleep ones. Mother who I can’t stand anymore, but in the end still reserving the knowledge that she too, is prolly jus a product of her childhood as well. Father, as loving as he try to be, still don’t believe in mental illnesses and thinks “its just all in the head”, I will always be that black sheep in HighSchool to his eyes. Why my BPD developed is because of the uncertainty ive lived with during my teen years. Always feeling like people find it easy to leave me behind, even when told otherwise, even when they actually stick by my side I feel like eventually, they’ll leave too. Why im always quick to defend myself and fight for my boundaries and principles is because words were put in my mouth for so long that I get triggered when i feel it happening again. And then there’s the factor that I have managed to scratch off the first layer of spiritual healing, where theres SO MUCH more I have yet to learn but I am at the stage where I know ppl could only understand you in a level that they understand themselves. But it hurts. You wish to be in the same page but you can’t. I happen to be a fucken empath too so here I am protecting my innerchild and also trying to tiptoe around other peoples innerchild. Fuck its exhausting. Tonight I realized I just cant please everybody, that blood aint thicker than water, tonight I learned that I rlly cannot fulfill the expectations of the last parent I have. And i told him just that, along with an apology. Coz i cant keep thinking about everyone anymore. What do you do when you feel like you wanna die? Pretend you are until you feel alive again. 🌱 Don’t worry Luna, i’ll take it from here.

[system-of-a-feather]

I’m still thinking about Moon Knight Episode 5 cause it really hit home and like... really got me thinking on a few things that have just been circling in my head trying to be digested but really struggling since I don’t have much access to a lot of our actual childhood shit, but I think one of the things that really got my brain stuck is that I think I really really resonate with Steven (and by think, I obviously do, innocent fictive host and shit) and I think a large part of Episode 5 really had me hearing Marc and like... having that be shit I really never heard properly from my system and probably needed to hear but never got to because admitting a lot of that would put the whole “point” of me in jeopardy if I wasn’t so much ready to deal with the implications and meta knowledge.

With recent trauma processing and system work, we’ve - or rather I guess I since I’m sure a large number of other parts already knew this- realized we are not a system of functional parts with a few hurting, disordered, and messed up parts, but that we are a very disordered, very hurt, very fucked up and messed up parts, with like.... two functioning parts. And I don’t mean functioning as in “are actually worth anything” but as in “is relatively good at integrating into society, looking only moderately mentally ill, having a life, having goals, and being decent at living and having enough positive affect and vision to keep a healthy positive ending in mind.”

Save for me and Lucille - and maybe Eva and Ray but they’re on the fence - no one else in this system really has much room for positive affect and interactions with the real world. Everyone else is considerably jaded about the world, stuck in trauma-mindset, jaded about themselves, and/or has abandoned “reality / the world” to live internally because they have given up on existence. 

And you know “that’s the whole point of you” is really rough to think about until you really do kind of think about how literally, it is a very large and important purpose to have. Sure you aren’t killing monsters and dealing with the “hard reality” of the abuse, but you are sitting out there protecting a sense of hope, future, happiness and humanity so that when survival is over, you can actually have a chance of living again. Being able to remain “innocent” and unmarred by the trauma and reality of what has happened, has allowed us to maintain a drive to still be alive and to value ourselves and others in the world despite all that we have gone through.

I’m a dumb idiot that doesn’t know half of the reality of what we’ve been through, but I’m also one of the only ones here who can see the world without the blood-tainted lenses that trauma has given everyone else and actually give the system something to work for and an idealistic image of what could be. I am not rooted in “our reality” and “our truth” but I am rooted closer to what the world actually is and believing a lot more that things can and should be better for us because what happened to us was an unfortunate unlucky situation that we didn’t deserve, and that there is a chance that our luck could turn around and we could be like others.

Since Moon Knight started, I’ve been of the theory and idea that Steven exists and acts as the life Marc wishes he could have and could lead - having a normal job (even if its a shitty minimum wage) and to build relationships and to have the joy be coming home to a handicapped fish - and I still stand by it. That’s a life Marc can’t make for himself because of his PTSD symptoms and his self hate and his overall fear and hypervigilance, but Steven - Steven who managed to remain primarily unaware of the trauma that has happened is still capable to lead that life for them.

Steven could start and build a happier life that they always wanted because he isn’t aware of their bleeding and damage. He can get help, create something they need to get them somewhere better, by just not knowing how badly hurt they are.

There’s a massive strength, and a massive importance in being an “innocent fluff ball” and still having goodness and hope despite horrible things having happened. Steven’s not an uwu baby, he’s just a guy living as “a guy” when his life and history has dictated that he should be “broken”.

Anyways, I’m just rambling and arguably (probably) projecting, but this episode has lived rent free in my head on repeat for like 50-60 hours and I have thoughts.

[edenmemes]

horizon zero dawn starters

❝  you can sense it. you already know you’re going to lose.  ❞ ❝  did you want to be alone?  ❞ ❝  you wouldn’t be so eager to speak with me if you knew me.  ❞ ❝  that will draw attention. we won’t have this place to ourselves for long now.  ❞ ❝  it’s a world worth fighting for. not just here. everywhere.  ❞ ❝  trying to live up to glorious pasts has a way of getting people killed.  ❞ ❝  never celebrate a victory before it’s earned.  ❞ ❝  i crave vengeance. do you?  ❞ ❝  my comrades weren’t so lucky. i might shed a tear, if they weren’t all cutthroats and cheaters.  ❞ ❝  i’ll always have a minute for you. maybe even two.  ❞ ❝  you walk on the edge of life and death. i can tell.  ❞ ❝  what is a gift but an award you did not earn?  ❞ ❝  so many voices to listen to, it must make your head hurt. i promise my voice will be soft and soothing.  ❞ ❝  i wish i could borrow some of your courage now.  ❞ ❝  i’ve always wondered. are all your kind hunters and fighters, or just a few?  ❞ ❝  no one doubts your determination. but you need to rest.  ❞ ❝  a bold claim. i wonder if you’ll live up to it.  ❞ ❝  why would someone name a knife?  ❞ ❝  so you’re alive ! we should celebrate! drinks on me!  ❞ ❝  try not to forget me, while you’re out there saving the world.  ❞ ❝  when we spoke earlier, you winced, then looked like you were in pain - or frightened.  ❞ ❝  i’m really not one for crowds.  ❞ ❝  so - how are we gonna do that? oh, wait, i forgot. we won’t. i do all the dangerous stuff.  ❞ ❝  i knew there was something about you. hammered from the stuff they make leaders out of.  ❞ ❝  no matter what happens, i will not intervene. do you understand? you are on your own.  ❞ ❝  it’s always a pain in the neck when you show up, girl, one way or another.  ❞ ❝  you’re bleeding, let me have a look. here, hold still.  ❞ ❝  just don’t think this means i enjoy it.  ❞ ❝  i don’t want to jinx it, but we might be in the clear.  ❞ ❝  when i start a fuss, i like to finish it.  ❞ ❝  i promise to look solemn at your funeral before i hit the bar.  ❞ ❝  what could go wrong? turns out, a lot.  ❞ ❝  let me come with you! i won’t be a bother. i know how to stay out of sight.  ❞ ❝  now i’m supposed to fill ____’s shoes. and instead, here i am, stumbling around in them.  ❞ ❝  we need to talk - alone. and you need to pull it together.  ❞ ❝  i guess growing up means putting what you should do in front of what you want to do, right?  ❞ ❝  oh, are you going to shut your mouth now? because that would be a surprise.  ❞ ❝  i will come to you in secret. no one will see me, so i won’t get in trouble.  ❞ ❝  it looks like something chewed you up and spat you out.  ❞ ❝  these are the true wilds, with threats unlike any you have ever faced.  ❞ ❝  that moment the door opened and you were standing there, and the way you smiled... i had to look away or you were going to see. on my face. what had just... blossomed inside me, you know?  ❞ ❝  i’m not afraid of you - i’m not afraid of anything.  ❞ ❝  stop being evasive? you might as well tell me to stop being charming. it’s impossible.  ❞ ❝  what a waste. at least he died better than he lived.  ❞ ❝  i’ve been looking up at the stars a lot, and the only story i see written across them is that we are small and insignificant and will soon disappear with hardly a trace left behind. it’s a hard story, and i don’t like it much..  ❞ ❝  if i’m going to stand for something, it’ll have to be something i believe in.  ❞ ❝  the strength to stand alone, is the strength to make a stand.  ❞ ❝  soon it’ll all seem familiar. like home.  ❞ ❝  now i see that i was just lucky to get a minute of your time.  ❞ ❝  i know my duty to them - and to you. i’m here. and wherever you go...i will follow.  ❞ ❝  you're really good at making it impossible to like you.  ❞ ❝  i’ve missed our little talks.  ❞ ❝  will change happen at all, while men live in palaces?  ❞ ❝  confidence is quiet. you’re not.  ❞ ❝  you’re not a very convincing liar.  ❞ ❝  i already have all the friends i need. i don’t need the bother.  ❞ ❝  all right, cool your fire. i got nothing to hide.  ❞ ❝  i see you don’t recognize me. well, it was a long time ago.  ❞ ❝  you will turn back - or bleed. your choice.  ❞ ❝  when we met, i thought i was a big shot talking to a pretty girl hidden away in the middle of nowhere.  ❞ ❝  you would speak ill of the dead? truly you have no shame.  ❞ ❝  truth is, i get lonely once in awhile. there. i admitted it. don’t think less of me.  ❞ ❝  do you have any idea how dangerous it is out there?  ❞ ❝  but i don’t know anyone here.  ❞ ❝  come on, stop. you’re going to make me tear up.  ❞ ❝  i feel like i should drop to my knees and worship you.  ❞ ❝  think i’m done? think again. i’ve gotten out of worse scrapes.  ❞ ❝  it’s hard to imagine where we’d be without you - and i don’t want to try.  ❞ ❝  if we’re to fight together on the brink of life and death, i’d prefer to do so with your forgiveness.  ❞ ❝  trust is for fools. it shifts and crumbles like sand.  ❞ ❝  what will you do while i risk my life?  ❞ ❝  you can smile, can’t you? ...no, that’s a grimace.  ❞ ❝  you killed that demon...pulled its guts from the carcass!  ❞ ❝  the sooner you’re gone from here, the better.  ❞ ❝  for now, all you need to know is that i’m a whisper of reason in this howling pit of insanity.  ❞ ❝  i heard the rumors, but i didn’t know for sure until saw you just now. i’m glad to see you’re okay.  ❞ ❝  no barrier can now stay you from your sacred task.  ❞ ❝  i won’t deny i risked your life. but it was the only way.  ❞ ❝  they can’t shoot if they’re dead. keep them busy, i’ll find an angle.  ❞ ❝  comforts are weakness.  ❞ ❝  as for honor, sacrifice-- true sacrifice, the kind rulers know nothing of -- it’s all a fat joke.  ❞ ❝  i’ve been sharpening my blade, anticipating the scent of the fight.  ❞ ❝  you’re not just a traveler. that armor was fitted for you. and the way you hold your bow...  ❞ ❝  i’d expect to see some tomatoes fly, maybe rocks. hopefully not spears. in any case, be ready to duck.  ❞ ❝  i’m not here for the price on your head.  ❞ ❝  for a moment, i was a child again, rapt from stories told by hunters at the campfire.  ❞ ❝  this...attachment to me will only hold you back.  ❞ ❝  whatever you do, don’t let their shabby looks fool you! they’ll kill you as soon as look at you.  ❞ ❝  i’m doing what i love. and what could be wrong with that?  ❞ ❝  when the arrowhead passes between armor and skin - that’s the place i belong.  ❞ ❝  right. why would i expect an answer? it’s so much more exciting to keep it all a mystery...  ❞ ❝  oh, it’s a story all right, but it takes a while to tell. maybe another time, over a drink or three?  ❞ ❝  why are you talking like we’ll never see each other again?  ❞ ❝  i’ll wager you don’t scare easy - it’s a good quality.  ❞ ❝  there will be people celebrating, and feasting. more than you've ever see in one place.  ❞ ❝  i didn’t bring you here to answer questions. i brought you here to deal with that.  ❞ ❝  ...you’ve...put a lot of thought into this.  ❞ ❝  i do not want to hear this talk from you again. doubt is heavier than a week’s snow.  ❞ ❝  bandits are drawn to here like infection to a wound.  ❞ ❝  i guess you’re doing the right thing for the wrong reason.  ❞ ❝  i thought you and i were agreed: only enjoy the killing as much as the challenge.  ❞ ❝  rumors spread like blood.  ❞ ❝  they would steal from us, chase us through the night, laughing.  ❞ ❝  leave it too long, your fingers itch for the bowstring.  ❞ ❝  you’re strong, shrewd, capable... i could use someone like you on my side.  ❞ ❝  you defeated it? alone?  ❞ ❝  grasp your grief. and kill it.  ❞ ❝  at least i’ll have a fire to keep me company.  ❞ ❝  only survivors scar. after everything you’ve been through, you keep going.  ❞ ❝  just stop being evasive and tell me who you really are.  ❞ ❝  i don’t mind putting my worthless ass on the line. but not yours.  ❞ ❝  i’m not here to intrigue you.  ❞ ❝  how about you? who do you think i am? what will you remember of me? ❞ ❝  everything freezing. the ground, the air... me.  ❞ ❝  you lost someone you care about. that leaves a wound. the sort of wound a lot of people don’t recover from.  ❞ ❝  the only thing i know i’m still fighting for is...you.  ❞ ❝  i didn’t earn this mercy, but i will die to make myself worthy of it.  ❞ ❝  to say you have my gratitude feels woefully insufficient. you saved my life.  ❞ ❝  makes you wish you could kill them more than once, doesn’t it?  ❞ ❝  why did you act so strange when we spoke earlier?  ❞ ❝  being smart won’t count for nothing if you don’t make the world a better place.  ❞ ❝  to serve a purpose greater than yourself...that is the lesson you must learn.  ❞ ❝   if a big, meaningful talk is what you’re after, move along.  ❞ ❝  that carcass! what sort of beast was that?  ❞ ❝  what are you doing out here all alone? where are your men?  ❞ ❝  you’ve obviously heard of me. you know what i’m capable of. why do you think this will turn out well for you?  ❞ ❝  there’s so much to discover before the world ends.  ❞ ❝  i couldn’t wait to see you again. it’s like...i’m dead and only come alive when i’m here with you.  ❞ ❝  some even say you have a conscience. how extraordinary!  ❞ ❝  do you always accuse people you’ve just met of lying?  ❞ ❝  if you ever visit, look me up. i’ll show you around, make introductions. it’d be a whole new life, if you want it.  ❞ ❝  it had a name once, not that it matters now. i was born there.  ❞ ❝  i always knew you were different... i think you’re a blessing.  ❞ ❝  no one hears your prayers anyway.  ❞ ❝  this place is difficult even for the prepared.  ❞ ❝  i underestimated you. i won’t make that same mistake again.  ❞ ❝  oh. is that supposed to sound scary or something?  ❞ ❝  look, maybe i shouldn’t say this, but it’s obvious that you don’t belong in this... backwater.  ❞ ❝  were you kept hidden away? did you have overprotective parents or something?  ❞ ❝  hmph. don’t go soft on me.  ❞ ❝  i prefer the company of spirits. or my own.  ❞ ❝  blood spilled calls for blood spilled! if the ground is cursed, then let our vengeance sanctify it.  ❞ ❝  so many people here, all talking at once. how does anyone think?  ❞ ❝  why is it that every time something bad happens to you, someone else tells you something bad that happened to them, as if that makes it any better?  ❞ ❝  i’ve never seen armor like yours.  ❞ ❝  the wrongness here jags at me like an arrowhead.  ❞ ❝  when you found me, i was trying to eke out a glorious death. but now a glorious life seems more preferable.  ❞ ❝  tomorrow, may the sun rise on the world.  ❞ ❝  you saved my epitaph from being ‘a fine soldier but a fool of a man’.  ❞ ❝  i don’t think i know you at all. but i’d like to.  ❞ ❝  i don’t like this. it feels...wrong.  ❞ ❝  oh, i’m grateful for this wound. it’s a lesson i won’t forget.  ❞ ❝  you’re a clever one. but not so clever as to heed my warning, i see.  ❞ ❝  not everyone follows the law like you do.  ❞ ❝  how many times have i pulled you from danger by your neck? made excuses for your behavior?  ❞ ❝  for what it’s worth, i’m glad you’re coming with me.  ❞ ❝  what have i ever given you but struggle?  ❞ ❝  it’s starting to feel real, you know? that we might actually get out of this place.  ❞ ❝  i’ve never been part of anything. i serve my own interests. always.  ❞ ❝  i apologize for my...behavior. i thought i was dead.  ❞ ❝  look, i don’t even know your story. must be a good one. if you ever feel like telling it, look me up.  ❞ ❝  when my anger has thawed, i will feel nothing.  ❞ ❝  i can’t remember when i had this much fun! i should be thanking you!  ❞ ❝  you gave him a quicker death than he deserved.  ❞ ❝  that...could be the last creepy thing you’ve said to me.  ❞ ❝  something’s really bothering you. if you think i’m gonna abandon you, you’re wrong.  ❞ ❝  surprised you saw me, the way you keep looking every other direction to make sure no one’s watching. careful there, or you’ll sprain your neck.  ❞ ❝  remember how the blood pounded in your ears? they’ll ring later, in the calm. it’s a call to arms, from your inner desires.  ❞ ❝  ___’s dead. i was ready to go through anything to make that happen. and i did.  ❞ ❝  is there a reason why you’re acting so cranky today?  ❞ ❝  you hold your grief close, like a tailsman.  ❞ ❝  i hope you can find peace.  ❞ ❝  you don’t know who i am, do you?  ❞ ❝  you know there’s always been dirt on my hands. now there’s blood too.  ❞ ❝  i want to be strong like you. but...  ❞ ❝  i hadn’t given up on hope, but i’ve forgotten the taste of it.  ❞ ❝  just...don’t start singing again.  ❞ ❝  you’re sparing me? after all i’ve done?  ❞ ❝  i don’t intend to die today.  ❞ ❝  it will take many good deeds to make up for the crimes you’ve committed.  ❞ ❝  but why should you have justice, and not me?  ❞ ❝  such a voice... a cold, awful jangle that scrapes your bones and hollows your guts.  ❞ ❝  one more word, and i’ll throw you in jail myself.  ❞ ❝  only in the struggle against death do we find, even for a moment, the spark of life.  ❞ ❝  the war changed you. changed us both. we’re not kids anymore.  ❞ ❝  i can’t sleep, i can’t breathe knowing you could be out there...hurting...  ❞ ❝  now i’m left to wear my sins. for me, at least, they hang heavy.  ❞       ❝  but what does a girl like you know of loss?  ❞ ❝  it’s a good thing you’ve got brains. because your personality could use some work.  ❞ ❝  i was going to ask you to leave with me...to go somewhere out in the sun where no shadow could reach us.  ❞ ❝  they didn’t need to disgrace my name. i did it myself, serving a rotten throne. ❞ ❝  you don’t approve? well, i have a secret for you. neither do i.  ❞ ❝  perhaps you are not an evil man. just a weak one.  ❞ ❝  losses can feel... overwhelming. but they remind us of our connections to others.  ❞ ❝  i don’t exactly see anyone beating down the door to spend time with you.  ❞ ❝  if i had known, i would never have spoken to you.  ❞ ❝  forge a new life. one of better make.  ❞ ❝  impossible odds, fine company, killing without consequence --- how could i resist?  ❞ ❝  look at me. i can’t imagine how you’re feeling, but you don’t have to go through it alone.  ❞ ❝  i wish i had known, all this time, what you were going through.  ❞ ❝  i’m with you. until the end.  ❞ ❝  i thought you just wanted to have tea and conversation! is there a battle coming? i wasn’t informed!  ❞ ❝  we’ve only met a few times, and yet you know me so well.  ❞ ❝  are you going to drive me off, too? it’s okay. i’ve dealt with worse.  ❞ ❝  now i know the kind of person i want to be, watching you.  ❞ ❝  it’s so...bittersweet. like a smile through bloodied teeth.  ❞ ❝  i swear i saw my ancestors... they said: ‘we’re not surprised to see you here’.  ❞ ❝  more mercenaries? what kind of person sells their loyalty?  ❞ ❝  keep moving or you’ll die!  ❞ ❝  this is the kind of place you’d take someone if you want to lose them forever.  ❞ ❝  if that’s destiny, i wouldn’t wish it on anyone.  ❞ ❝  i’ve thought about what you said. every time, the wound you gave me caught on my ribs.  ❞ ❝  i’ve never seen such disregard for personal safety.  ❞ ❝  the most important thing is what you’re not like - your father.  ❞ ❝  i’m never lonely where there’s killing to be done.  ❞ ❝  my past - and my secrets - are my own. you’ll do well to remember that.  ❞ ❝  only to you do i extend the courtesy of a warning.  ❞ ❝  if the war’s not over, i’m not done.  ❞ ❝  a long kiss, the best kind... i can still remember the feel of your hand on the back of my neck.  ❞ ❝  it would be a worse fate to bow our heads to the challenge and say, ‘too much’.  ❞ ❝  let’s not say farewell. i’ve had enough of that to last me a dozen winters.  ❞ ❝  have your wounds even had time to heal?  ❞ ❝  you can stop worrying. the secret’s safe with me.  ❞ ❝  just to be clear, i have no plans to murder you, alright?  ❞ ❝  you’re an idiot. a dangerous idiot, but an idiot.  ❞ ❝  i’m kicking myself for not seeing your potential from the beginning.  ❞ ❝  for your sake, you must go where you will never find me. this is goodbye.   ❞ ❝  so that’s what this is? a tantrum? a cry for attention?  ❞ ❝  change won’t come in a single sunrise.  ❞ ❝  this place may not seem like much, but we’ll make the best of it.  ❞ ❝  no murderers here, if that’s what you’re asking.  ❞

[binxyu]

Struck with anxiety, you couldn’t bare the idea of losing Juyeon. You had already lost someone so dear to you before him and you continued to live that moment over and over again. So, when Juyeon got home late again you couldn’t help but feel a little pissed off.

>>Pairing: Lee Juyeon (dom) x fem!reader (sub) | idol!juyeon x mentally ill!reader

>>Word Count: 2.7k

>>Genre: Oneshot / Requested / Smut & Angst

>>Warnings/Kinks: Arguing, aftercare, breast play, cervix kisses, cockwarming, creampie, hair pulling, marking, mentions of death by car accident, oral (receiving), praise, seperation anxiety, shower foreplay, and unprotected sex

It had been an entire day since the man had left and all you could do was stare.

Stare at the door and hope he’d finally walk through it.

You had tried to text and call him to no avail. To no response.

“Come on Juyeon... please fucking answer me”, your hands shook as you gripped your phone tightly, flashbacks of the night a few months ago going through your horrified mind.

The car had hit your own so harshly that it caused the small car to go into a tree, instantly killing the person you had loved so dearly before Juyeon.

And, now, all you could do was imagine Juyeon in that same seat. Covered in the same blood. Laying on the same death bed.

Maybe I’m cursed. Maybe I shouldn’t be loved.

You knew deep down that was irrational. You deserved it just as much as anyone else.

You had simply been in the wrong place at the wrong time. You were not even the one driving your car at the time.

But, somehow, your brain always convinced you of the worst even if Juyeon had already reassured you that he sometimes got too busy to answer and his schedule was highly susceptible to change.

Dreariness took over and you gripped onto Juyeon’s hoodie that was over your body, hoping it would somehow calm you or reassure you he was okay. But, that wasn’t the case and all you could do was stare.

As tears started to go down your cheeks, you felt a wave of exhaustion come over you.

Was it from the lack of sleep or the crying? You weren’t sure.

Before you could sercum to that exhaustion, however, you heard the door open softly.

Your eyes immediately opened and you got off the counter you had been sitting on in the kitchen.

“Baby! I’m home finally”, you couldn’t tell if you were more relieved or pissed off, but Juyeon’s heart shattered a little when he saw you come out into the hallway. The sleeves of his hoodie were stained from your tears and your face was red from them as well.

“Hey hey, I’m okay baby”, he started to walk towards you after setting his bag down and closing the door. You shook your head at him, a gesture saying you didn’t want him any closer.

“And I’m glad about that but you know I’m like this. I’m broken. You have to let me know you’re okay! Juyeon, I thought you were dead!”, you hugged your own body, looking for any comfort as you cried harder. Your body shook from the intensity of it all.

Of course Juyeon knew that. He was your friend at the time and had been by your side in the hospital after the accident. After you found out you made it out alone.

“I know. I know ba-“, you cut him off with a harsh voice, one he had barely heard before.

“Then why didn’t you?! What was so important?”, something in Juyeon snapped before he could keep it together. He hated people yelling at him. It hurt his pride.

“Work! I was fucking working so you could just stay home and keep mourning! Y/n, do you ever think that maybe my entire life doesn’t revolve around you?!”, you flinched from the bitter words and how loud he was yelling. Never had Juyeon yelled at you.

“I-“, a defeated whimper came out of you as you fell to your knees, your body finally giving out just as your mind had, “I know... I’m so sorry” the red that Juyeon had seen before cleared up as he softened. You sounded so desperate and defeated.

“Baby, you need to realize that it wasn’t your fault. None of that was your fault”, Juyeon got down on his knees beside you and reached out his hand to touch you but you scooted away, causing a sigh to leave his mouth.

“I can’t... everytime you’re gone I always just think I’m cursed and you’ll leave or worse. Just... don’t leave me. Juyeon please”, your voice cracked as you saw the lights from the other car flash before your eyes, a scream erupting from your throat.

Flashbacks always happened when you were scared or stressed. It was worse than any nightmare you had ever experienced.

“Shhh shhh, I’m here. It won’t get you baby. I’ll make sure of it”, he finally managed to wrap you up in a hug and you buried your face into his chest, tears soaking through the thin fabric of his shirt.

“P-please”, your hands clutched his shirt desperately, as if he’d disappear at any moment. He was the only reason you remained sane and you couldn’t live without him.

“Look at me”, he gently cupped your cheeks and you looked up at him, making him frown at the sight of all the tears on the skin. He rubbed them away with his thumbs lightly and looked into your eyes.

“Breathe and then look again, okay baby?”, sniffles filled the room as you tried to breathe and calm down, taking the breaths with Juyeon as he showed you. Then, you slowly looked to where the lights had been to only see the door that you had previously been staring at.

“Thank you”, it was all you could force yourself to say and Juyeon simply nodded, stroking your hair. You turned your head towards him again and admired him as you always did.

“I’m so sorry for what I said before. You need time to mourn. I understand”, you smiled softly at him, the tears stopping at last.

“It’s okay. You’re right. I need to move on eventually”, the words were harder to say than you would’ve thought. You were still upset with him. That wouldn’t change for at least a few hours. He should’ve called you.

You needed to know your only light was still alive and well.

“We’ll do it together, okay? No rush”, Juyeon nodded and gently pecked your lips before he held your thighs and stood up, making you giggle. You wrapped your arms around his neck and gave him a quick nod, a sign that you trusted him to help you.

“Okay, we can work on things together. Just... promise me you’ll send me a text next time?”, you sighed and nuzzled your face into his neck, the strong scent of cologne filling your nose.

“Baby, I won’t promise it because I make mistakes but I’ll do my best”, somehow his response had made you a little upset, but you nodded with a simple “okay” and he let you down. You gripped onto his hoodie and decided to take a shower.

You knew Juyeon always took a shower when he got home and somehow you decided it would be fitting revenge to take that luxury from him.

The warm water hit your skin and it washed away any tears still remaining on your cheeks. While, you must admit, you were still upset with your boyfriend, you felt better. He always at least did his best for you and you knew that.

You honestly didn’t hear him even open the door to the bathroom before Juyeon’s arms were wrapped around your middle, causing your back to be pressed against his chest.

“I’m sorry. I really am. I wish I could do more for you”, your heart broke a little at how weak and desperate he sounded, his voice tickling against your ear.

You remained silent and that made Juyeon’s sigh impossibly louder, a sound of defeat that you thought meant he’d leave you alone until his hands were gripping your waist and turning you around. Your body became pressed against the wall of the shower, Juyeon’s hands pinning your wrists.

The wave of arousal that went through your body from the action was enough to make you forget all about your previous frustration with Juyeon.

“I knew that would get your attention”, you knew he had noticed the slick wetness going down your thighs because a playful smirk came across his face.

“Hey- no sex to make me forget about it!”, you finally snapped out of your little trace and wiggled against Juyeon’s grip to which he just chuckled.

“I would never-“, he dramatically gasped, faking that he had taken offense from the statement, “I’m going to have sex with you so you’re stuck with me and we have to talk it out” you blushed from the words and Juyeon smiled.

“You’re so cute. So, can I?”, he asked softly, not wanting to pressure you in any way if you were truly upset with him.

“Yes you can”, you quickly responded and Juyeon kissed you gently, removing his hands from your wrists so he could hold your thighs. He lifted you up with ease, settling you onto his shoulders with your back still pressed against the wall.

The feeling of his breath against your core made you whimper, his hands moved to your ass as your thighs closed around his head slightly. Juyeon looked up at you as he licked a strip up your folds, his tongue lapping at your clit.

“Oh fuck!”, you moaned out, gripping his hair as if he was going to stop at any moment. Juyeon chuckled against your clit at how desperate you are, sending vibrations through your body.

“You’re so beautiful baby. Such a good girl”, he hummed and the praise made your cheeks flush bright red as your hips grinded against his tongue. Juyeon kissed your clit and then moved his tongue down before he pushed it into your soaking cunt, curling the muscle against your walls.

Juyeon knew your body better than you even did and before long his tongue was thrusting up against your g-spot, his nose pressed against your clit. You moaned his name louder, your grip on his hair tightening as you felt the knot form in your stomach.

With a few more thrusts of his tongue, you came undone onto his tongue and he licked up the juices, humming delightfully at how good you tasted.

“You okay?”, Juyeon looked up at you as he took his tongue out of you, causing you to feel disappointingly empty. His smile grew, however, when he saw your pupils blown out, a clear sign you wanted more.

“I’m okay. J-just... I want you. I want you inside of me”, Juyeon nodded, his erection growing harder than he thought possible from your needy words. He started to leave kisses on your inner thighs and sucked small marks there, making your thighs look like an abstract painting of possession.

But, you knew Juyeon had done it to reassure you. So you would know that you were his and he wasn’t going to leave you.

“Let’s take this to the bed, okay?”, Juyeon slowly put you down, your legs wobbling from your previous orgasm. His hands held your waist to support you as he turned the shower off, deciding that you two would have to get clean later as he dried you off with a towel.

“Hey, Juyeon?”, he let out a quiet hum to let you know he was listening, “I love you” he paused and looked at you. Your eyes were elsewhere, staring at the floor nervously.

You had never said those words to Juyeon before and he never expected you to say them with such confidence and clarity.

He cupped your cheeks and you looked back at him, your eyes saying a million words to each other before his lips pressed against your’s passionately, a kiss that said all that needed to be said.

He loved you too. More than anything.

“I love you too. You know what?”, you were going to mumble a “what?” back but you didn’t get the chance too before Juyeon picked you up again, your legs wrapped around his waist, “fuck being dry”. You giggled as your wet body pressed against Juyeon’s.

He walked out of the bathroom and gently laid you down on the bed, moving to settle between your legs. You were about to say you were freezing as the air hit your wet skin but Juyeon had already noticed, getting a blanket and putting it over both of your bodies.

“Are you ready?”, Juyeon always asked, knowing you were more than just stretched when he went inside of you. It always felt like your first time together and he needed to make sure you were okay.

“I’m ready”, you nodded and bit your lip as Juyeon kissed your breasts, sucking on the skin softly to make more marks. He kept sucking as you moaned, a pleasant distraction as he lined his cock up with your throbbing hole.

His hands held your thighs and spread them wide, positioning them to be pressed against your chest as he slowly pushed himself inside of you.

The stretch burned as your walls wrapped around his cock, the pulse of your pussy matching the throbbing of his dick. The tip had finally made it to your cervix once he was all the way inside, as it always did.

Juyeon kissed your face all over to help calm you, knowing it may hurt. Eventually, the pain became pleasure, causing your thighs to shake.

“Y-you can move now”, he nodded, his wet hair falling into his face a little as he started to thrust in and out of you, slow motions allowing him to feel every part of you. To remember it. To treasure it. To treasure you.

“Baby, you feel so so good”, the praise caused you to arch your back, feeling his cock press against your cervix. The pain mixing with the overwhelming amount of pleasure he was giving you. It was perfect.

“You feel good too baby. Amazing!”, he smiled as you moaned out the praises. He pressed a soft kiss to your forehead as he started to move faster, his hips pressing against your thighs.

“I promise you’re all mine, okay? I won’t leave you. I love you so much”, Juyeon’s reassuring words filled your head, fighting off any negative thoughts you had had prior. You wrapped your arms around his neck and brought down his head to kiss him, a beautiful sign of gratitude as you moaned into his mouth. He kissed you back just as intensely as he moved your legs up onto his shoulders.

You pulled away as the new angle had your head thrown back, eyes rolling back in satisfaction as his cock hit the sweetest spots deep inside of you. You could already feel your second orgasm building up.

“Right there! Please keep going there!”, Juyeon groaned and nodded, holding your legs still as he pounded into that spot over and over again. Your vision went blurry as you tried to hold back your orgasm, clenching around Juyeon repeatedly.

“Cum princess. You can cum”, he whispered the words, trying hard to make them come out clear as his own orgasm approached. You both came together, your cum mixing within you and causing a warm sensation to build up in your belly.

Juyeon didn’t pull out. Instead, he simply laid beside you, moving your leg to be hooked around his waist where he could keep his cum inside of you with his dick. You felt pleasantly full and warm.

“I don’t think you’re allowed to leave me after that”, you laughed and Juyeon chuckled, shaking his head as you rested your head against his chest.

“Definitely not”, he kissed your head and you smiled, a smile that truly felt genuine for the first time in the past few days.

“But, really. I can’t live without you”, you whispered but Juyeon still heard it. His heartbeat was fast against his chest and you felt your own match it, a rhythm taking place between the both of you.

“I can’t live without you either. We’re in this together”, his hands ran through your hair in a soothing manner.

“No matter what?”.

“No matter what”.

[biderboy]

You Promised || J.P

a/n - i’m in a bad mood so u can be 2 !

-

it’s not that you couldn’t believe it, because you could. you saw it with your own two eyes, you felt it in the way you hands shook and it felt like all the air was sucked from around you.

you thought it would be okay, you thought things would be fine. you should have known better, the universe was never that kind to you.

you wanted to laugh, even if it made you crazy, you felt like you’d seen it coming for months, for years.

you should have know it would happen now, in the midst of a war, on some saturday afternoon where you weren’t even suppose to be.

it always works that way doesn’t it? when the universe gives you james potter, but never really gives him to you.

cruel joke.

it didn’t matter, maybe you were meant to be there. after months of being on a mission tracking a group of death eaters, it’s the first “get together” you could make it to.

in the middle of a war it is kind of hard to see the people you grew up with.

but you made it, beaten and bloody and mentally scared to a degree, with blood on your hands that you couldn’t tell was yours or your enemies.

you made it.

you couldn’t be sure what to expect. you were hoping everyone was still there, that everyone made it. it’d been a good 5 months, and so much could happen.

and so much did apparently happen.

you reckon it could be your fault, not keeping in touch. it’s not like you could, it probably would have gotten you killed, but you still figured maybe it would stop the sinking feeling in your chest now.

as you stood, hands shaking and tears in your eyes, not from happiness, but a mixture of relief and disbelief.

lily evans stood in front of you, a soft smile on her face was a hand rested on her stomach.

and james potter stood next to her, a smile he used to only reserve for you, spread widely on his face, his own arm wrapped around the obviously pregnant women.

oh. okay.

it took the group a total of 50 seconds to realize you were standing there, and sirius was the first to rush up to you, wild grin on his face.

“y/n! you’re back!!!!” and he engulfed you in a hug, you weakly returned, half to be back in familiar, safe arms.

“i’m back.” and yet you couldn’t stop the voice crack, or the tears that still threatened to fall out.

if sirius noticed, he didn’t say anything, but his arms wrapped around you a bit tighter. as if he was holding you together, and at that point, maybe he was.

remus was there next, small smile and warm hands and a soft whisper of “i’m sorry”

as if the werewolf knew, and it wouldn’t be surprising if he did. he’s the only one who knew about you and james in the first place, and you reckon he’s the only one who really knew how these “missions” went down.

peter was there too, wrapping his arms around you and hugging tightly in a way only peter seemed to do, as if he thought he’d lose you within the next minute.

and for a moment things felt okay, things felt normal. you were home, you were alive, you were loved.

until they came along.

“y/n! we’re so glad your safe!” lily smiled, that wonderfully beautiful smile, she was practically glowing and though you were upset, no bone in your body could ever be mad at her.

you smiled, hugging her gently, minding the bump, “thank you lils”

“hey y/n, glad you’re back okay.” and there he was. still bright eyes, still soft smile that radiated all the stars in the universe.

you felt yourself melt, when he looked at you it felt like it was the only thing that mattered.

but it couldn’t matter anymore, not if the ring on lily’s finger was anything to go by.

“so, what did i miss?” you turned around, not bothering to hug the man, fearing you’d break down in more ways then one.

sirius perked up, puppy like, eager to spew everything you missed, and you listened intently, leaning back against remus on the sofa you both sat on.

“and evans and prongs are having a baby !!!”

yeah, that’s what you figured.

but sirius looked so happy, a light in his eyes you hadn’t seen since the news from regulus hit, and lily’s eyes were so warm and they deserved this, if anything else.

and a baby, a baby! that’s great, despite the way your breath caught in your throat, all the memories and kisses and whispers of praise and plans came flooding in. but you were good at acting, been going on for 6 months and counting, it’s hot so hard to lie once more.

“oh my!! that’s so wonderful! i’m so happy for you guys!” and a wide smile that nobody but maybe remus and peter saw through, and they were sold. case closed.

but james held your gaze, pain in his eyes as if he was the one hurting.

no, it wasn’t fair.

you excused yourself, looking for any reason to escape for 2 minutes. not hearing remus follow you out.

“it’s okay to want to punch him.” you heard from behind you, a voice so solid and real that you almost gasped out a cry.

(5 months alone does things that can’t just be undone.)

“i can’t just punch him moony.” you sighed, looking out towards the sunset, picking at the still dry blood on your hands.

you felt a hand on your back, so familiar you leaned into the werewolf and let a single tear fall from your eye.

because you wanted to punch him, you wanted to scream and yell and make him bleed the way you did for months while he was here fucking around with a redhead.

you wanted to make him hurt, you wanted to make his lungs close up and tears strain in his eyes, you wanted him to desperately claw at his throat and arms in hopes the pain would seep through his fingertips.

you wanted him to feel the earth unravel beneath him, to feel time stop ticking and all the color slowly fade from his view.

you wanted him to feel how you felt right now.

“he promised moony, he swore on his heart.” you brokenly whispered,no longer feeling your own heart beat in your chest, you wondered if it was even still there.

“and he broke it.” he whispered back, you could feel the tension in his shoulders and you smiled, remus was mad. remus was angry. remus probably knew from the moment he first saw the two together, he’d probably been waiting to knock james’ teeth in, and you would gladly let him.

no you wouldn’t, a voice whispered, and you wanted to yank your own lungs from your chest.

the voice was right.

because no matter how much pain he could cause, you still loves james potter.

you still thought about how his eyes shone in the moonlight, and how his hands fit almost perfectly in yours. for months you held onto the whispers and traced the same paths his fingertips once did.

and you loved him so much that you didn’t think twice leaving for the mission, to know james would be safe if you did your part, to know james would wait for you, like he promised.

and he always promised.

in 4th year when you had to go back home for summer, he smiled and held your hand, “we’ll be here for you when you get back.”

in 6th year when you were in the hospital wing, being transported to saint mugos, “i’ll do anything you need.”

when you graduated with tears in your eyes and stuttering breaths, “i’ll be right by your side.”

and when you took that mission, behind closed doors, breaths colliding and souls conjoined, he whispered, “ill wait for you.”

that’s the first promise he broke. maybe, maybe he broke more, but you didn’t want to think about it, couldn’t think about it by the voice that interrupted you.

“moony? can i talk to them?” you felt remus shake his head, but you stopped him.

“what do you want james?”

and remus didn’t leave, no he wouldn’t. unlike some people, he never did.

but you insisted, telling him it was fine even if it wasn’t, that it would only take a few minutes, yet it would take years to mend whatever james broke.

“i just wanted to-“

“if you’re here to say sorry save it, it would be a lie.” you cut off, looking back at your hands.

“y/n i just want you to know i’m glad you’re okay.” he whispered, the same way he used to in the room of requirement, or the latte nights in muggle towns, or sneaking into his kitchen at 4 am.

“yeah.”

it didn’t matter anymore, he was with lily, it was fine. meant to be even. the way he looked at her, the way she looked at him. lily deserved this.

you sat in silence for a few minutes, but the tears were back and the wind was cold now. you couldn’t just sit and pretend you knew why he did it, you didn’t know. the way he looked at you before you left was everything you could ever hope for, like he was saying goodbye to his world. and maybe, he was.

“you promised james.” you whispered, dejected in every way, finally meeting his eyes, they were as beautiful as you remembered, but they weren’t yours to love anymore.

“and i broke it.” he looked out to the setting sun, it was gone now, leaving behind a darkness that wouldn’t fade until early morning.

the sun left, and soon, james turned away, and left too.

[xu-ren]

A Kinder End

Genre: Fluff and angst

Pairings: Diarmuid (Fate/Zero) x reader

Wordcount: 2000+

My requests and askbox are open, so pretty please don't be shy.

Masterpost

*~*~*

“Lancer, prepare yourself! I can’t hold this spell for long.” Lancer readied himself at [Name]’s words. “God of the North wind, Boreas, God of the East wind, Eurus, God of the South wind, Notus, God of the East wind, Zephyus, Your faithful servant besieged you to lend get your strength so that she may vanquish her mighty foe!”

The wind tore her hair away from her usual bun, letting it whip freely around her. Had it been any other time, Lancer would have appreciated the sight of her unbound black tress. As it was, the wind she summoned started to clear a path to Caster. Lancer tensed up as her wind went closer and closer to Caster. ‘Come on…Just a bit more…’ Just as Lancer caught a glimpse of Caster, her spell failed and she collapsed.

“My lady…!” Luckily, he managed to catch her just before she hit the ground and lowered her down gently. Saber and Rider, who had stopped their assault on Caster when [Name] started her spell, prepared to resume their assault on Caster. Rider offered to buy them time to think of another plan to defeat Caster as [Name]’s plan had failed. Lancer didn’t hesitate to break Gáe Buidhe so that Saber could defeat Caster. His number one priority was to get [Name] to safety now that she was unconscious and vulnerable. However, he had to ensure that Caster was defeated first so he stood at the water’s edge cradling [Name] carefully as he watched Saber defeat Caster.

~*~*~*~*~*~*

Lancer laid [Name] down as gently as possible at an abandoned building. It was unfortunately the best place that he could find for now.

“Lan…cer?”

“My lady!” *Her eyes narrowed for a brief moment before they relaxed again. It was a testament to her weariness that she didn’t even bother to correct him.

“Where are we?” “An abandoned building, my lady. I apologise, it was the best…” Lancer trailed off as [Name] raised a hand to silence him. They both kept silent as [Name]’s eyes darted around, absorbing every minute detail of their surroundings.

“Diarmuid, where’s Gáe Buidhe?”

“I…broke it so that Saber could defeat Caster. I apolo…” This time, [Name] pushed herself up and placed a finger upon Lender’s lips to silence him. They stayed as they were for what seemed to be an eternity until [Name] collapsed upon Lancer’s chest. What meagre strength she had accumulated from her brief rest had been spent.

“You are apologising a lot today, aren’t you, Diarmuid?” asked [Name], her tone mildly scolding.

“I apolo-“

“You are doing it again, Diarmuid. You have no reason to apologise to me, after all, you merely did what you thought was best at that moment. Besides, we are a team, not master and servant.”

By the end of her short speech, her voice was scarcely a whisper. If not for their proximity, he would have never heard it.

“My lady…”

Suddenly, Lancer tensed up and he tightened his hold on [Name].

“Diarmuid?”

“Someone’s here.”

“Go, Diarmuid.”

“My lady…”

“Go on, I await your return.”

“Yes, my lady.”

He hated to leave [Name] alone, especially when she was so vulnerable but he couldn’t disobey her either.He wasn’t very surprised when it was Saber who met him in the courtyard of the abandoned building. At the very least, they would finally be able to finish their battle.

~*~*~*~*~*~*

She watched from her spot as the two servants fought it out. Such honourable warriors, there were no one more deserving of the title ‘Heroic Spirits. She was glad to have met them despite her reluctance to enter this war in the first place.

Suddenly, a shadow was casted upon her and she looked up to see Kiritsugu pointing a gun at her. 

“Mr. Kiritsugu, how…expected,” she whispered quietly as her lips formed a small, wry smile. 

He put his finger to his lips in the universal gesture of silence. She cocked her head to the side. In response, Kiritsugu hands her a scroll.

‘A Self-Geas Scroll. A magical item used by Magi to form an unbreakable contract. Binding spell… Affected Party: Emiya Kiritsugu. The Emiya family crest orders the following. The pledge is to be observed by the affected party upon fulfilment of the conditions described herein. Pledge: Kiritsugu, son of Norikata and the fifth descendant of the House of Emiya, will be forever forbidden from harming or intending to harm, [Name] [Middle Name] [Last Name]. Condition…’

 After reading the scroll, she looked at Kiritsugu searchingly. She gathered the magick stored at the amulet around her neck before speaking into his mind. To his credit, he didn’t even flinch. In fact, the only outwardly respond he showed was the slight widening of his eyes.

‘I won’t do it.’

Kiritsugu responded by pulling the safety of his gun.

‘After all, it doesn’t matter, does it? You are going to kill me either way. A master without a servant can form a pact with another servant and you can ill afford that.’

For a moment, she thought that she saw a shadow of surprise pass through Kiritsugu’s face.

‘Kill me, Emiya Kiritsugu. Let me be but another life you sacrificed in your quest to save the world. However, will you listen to this girl’s final wish?’

He lowered his gun slightly and she took it as her cue to continue.

‘Ensure that my death isn’t instant.’

This time, she definitely saw the surprise on his face. She smirked. It was a highly unusual wish as most people hoped for the opposite.

‘I wish to say farewell to Lancer.’

He nodded and shot her in the aorta, ensuring that it gazed the aorta so that she would bleed out in 5 minutes.

‘Thank you.’

The gunshot rang across the abandoned building.

Lancer’s head whipped towards the direction where the gunshot came from so fast that he gave himself whip splash. He immediately abandoned his stalemate with Saber when he saw that the gunshot came from where he had left [Name].

“My lady!” 

He raced towards her, hoping against hope that she wasn’t shot. His heart had never been filled with such rage as when he saw her bleeding from where he left her with Emiya Kiritsugu standing over her holding a gun. He readied his lance to slay the miscreant who dared to harm his lady.

“Diarmuid!”

Her voice was authoritative and they had been together long enough to know that she wanted him to stand down. He tore his gaze from where he was glaring at Kiritsugu to look at her. He barely registered the shocked gasps of Saber behind him.

Her right hand on her chest was stained with blood while she used her left hand to gesture for him to come to her side. He approached her while keeping Kiritsugu in his line of sight. As he got closer, Kiritsugu backed away to give them some privacy.

He dropped down on his knees next to her as she smiled at him. Her face was paler than he had ever seen and that only makes the blood on her lips stand out even more starkly. He held her gently and lowered her carefully to not aggravate her wound so that her head rested on his knees in hopes of making her more comfortable.

***His clothes changed to the daily wear that [Name] had bought for him and he made to tear it apart to make some makeshift bandages.

“Lea…ve it.”

“My lady…”

“Leave. It.” 

“My lady, I can see the blood on your clothes.”

She opened her mouth to answer him but more blood merely dribbled out of the corner of her mouth. Instead, she spoke into his mind.

*‘Is that so? I will find even darker clothes next time then.’

She tilted her head to the scroll resting innocently at her side so he picked it up and read it. His eyes widened with understanding as he read it.

“My lady! You should have let me die.”

 ‘Do I seem like such a heartless person to you, Diarmuid? I would never even think of sacrificing another’s life for mine.’

“I don’t mean to insult you, my lady, but I have already died once.”

‘It doesn’t matter. Kiritsugu had no intentions of allowing me to live either way.’

“But…”

“My servant. By her Command Seal, [Name] [Middle Name] [Last Name] orders you, Lancer, to not take revenge upon…” she coughed, causing blood to bubble out of her mouth. “Emiya Kiritsugu or anyone else that you hold responsible for her death.”

“My lady!”

“By my Command Seal, I order you to return to the spirit world upon my death. And by my Command Seal, I order you to not form a pact with another master for the duration of the 4th Holy Grail War.”

More blood spilt from mouth and her face was bone white.

“My lady! How can you possibly expect me to do such things?”

‘You will do it, either because I commanded you or as a deathbed promise to me. And no more of that my lady nonsense, I have used up all three Command Seals and therefore am no longer your master. Call me [Name] at least once before I go, please?’

“My…[Name].”

A wide, genuine smile spread across her face and suddenly, she looked as if she was full of life despite the blood seeping out of her. Using the last of her strength, she spoke into the minds of Diarmuid and Kiritsugu respectively.

‘Don’t despair. Let’s meet again in another life, Diarmuid.’

‘The ends don’t justify the means, Emiya Kiritsugu.’

Lancer’s heart clenched as she raised her right hand to stroke his face, her eyes memorizing every feature of his face hungrily before her hand fell and her eyes closed for all eternity.

“[Name]…! [Name]…! Please…come back…!”

He rocked back and forth while holding her tightly to him, his lithe body wracked with sobs. He brushed her hair from her face and the memory of brilliant smile she had gifted him with when he called her by name only made him sob harder. If he knew how happy it would have made her, he would have called her by name more often, propriety be damned. If only he had disobeyed her and stayed with her, she would still be alive.

How could life be this cruel? She was a powerful magus with a bright future ahead of her and suddenly, it was gone. She was no more than another life lost during the Holy Grail War. 

How desperately he wanted to take revenge for her death and yet her words bound her. He couldn’t bear to disappoint her, even in death.

~*~*~*~*~*~*

*

“My lady, why are all your clothes black?” Diarmuid was curious, never had he seen a woman who wore nothing but black.

“Black is my favourite colour. Besides, doesn’t it look good on me?” she asked as she gave a little twirl.

Black did look good on her. It emphasised the paleness of her skin and made her eyes look bigger. Her lips, painted black as well stood out starkly against her pale skin. It also made her look slender and intimidating despite her diminutive height.

“Finally, you can’t really see blood on me if I’m wearing black, right?”

“My lady!”

“Kidding… Don’t be so uptight, Diarmuid,” said [Name] while giggling.

~*~*~*~*~*~*

**

“Diarmuid.”

“Yes, my lady?”

“Stop calling me ‘my lady’. I have already said it many times but we are a team and therefore equals. Call me [Name].”

“I’m afraid that I can’t do so, my lady. It would be highly improper to call you by your name.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*

***

“Diarmuid, do you have nothing else to wear?”

“I’m afraid that this is my only outfit, my lady.”

“Well, you certainly can’t go out like that. Let’s go shopping.”

“My lady, there’s …there’s no need to trouble yourself!”

“It’s no trouble at all. Besides, I have been wanting to explore the shops here anyways. How about this? You be my bag carrier for the day and I buy you an outfit as a thank you present?”

“Al…Alright, my lady.”

(Time skip)

“So, so? What do you think?”

“You have good taste, my lady.”

“Of course.”

Lancer couldn’t help but admire his outfit that consist of a dark green shirt, black pants and black shoes paired with a black vest in the mirror. 

“As a bonus, we match too,” said [Name] as she gave a twirl in her black dress with dark green embellishments.