#im a celebrity B)

[chrliekclly]

charden is v important to me bcuz they recognize their traumas n each othr...

[m1d-45]

-Pari Anon

Pari!Reader gets sad when their leaf mask gets torn. Whether they were playing too rough or Wei (the cat in the inn lobby) tore it, they lost their mask. They have those sad anime eyes (the cutely exaggerated ones). They want to fix it, but no one else knew about that leaf mask.

They stay gloomy for the rest of the day until Xiao comes back.

The next day, they see a little replica of Xiao’s mask made from wood. It was sitting near their nest. When they tried it in, it was light but sturdy. Who could have gotten it for them? How was it so detailed? Who could have known? Oh well. Time to play, little Pari thinks.

Xiao didn’t have the heart to just leave them after he heard them crying when the leaf mask was ripped. He might have put a charm on this one so it wouldn’t break as easily.

[ previous post ]

xiao was better than this. the last yaksha, conqueror of demons, the bane of all evil himself.. searching the plains of liyue well into the night for a suitable piece of wood to carve. it wasn’t for an offering, it wouldn’t be turned into an incense bowl or statue, it was neither for a critical repair or somehow enchanted to be a danger. no, this wood would be used for a far more frivolous purpose: you.

you, who he’d been watching from the roof as you played on the balcony below. you with your mock spear and wei with his paws, uselessly batting at each other in a play fight. he thought it was ridiculous, really—your thin wings would surely bleed beneath any monster’s claws, better you learn to run away from danger—but had watched. it was harmless fun. you ducked behind the potted bonsai for protection, racing around the trunk and likely making the poor cat dizzy, when a harsh rip echoed into the night. you stopped, looking behind you as the two halves of your ‘mask’ fluttered to the floor, torn by one of the branches of the tree. his only thought was that you weren’t hurt, watching as wei tackled you off the pot and onto the floor, but you squirmed free quickly, floating over to the remains… sadly? wei followed, sniffing the leaves, but you didn’t seem interested in playing anymore. you sat by the leaves for far too long, not even moving when wei curled up beside you.

it was nothing. it was a leaf tied around your head with another’s stem, bound to rot and flake away anyway, but you were sulking the next day. he never thought he’d return to his makeshift room and have you not fly up to him with a cloud of chirps, and he quickly decided he didn’t like it. if you were sad you lost your mask, then he’d just have to get you a new one.

he kicked at the remains of a campfire, stomping out the remaining embers. an abandoned adventurer’s camp of some sort, the air free of any malicious warnings. besides the remains of the campfire were a few stray logs, likely spare firewood. he dug through the measly pile, pulling out a log. there was no rot, water damage, no sign of bugs or anything else that would ruin the wood. without another thought, he tucked it under his arm, turning and vanishing into the wind.

he had left when you were already asleep, so he could go straight to his room, but he made a stop first. yanxiao hardly jumped when he turned from the stove, though he did eye the log in his hands strangely.

“what can i get you?”

“i need to borrow a knife.”

“…” he laughed, propping his hands on the table in front of him, and xiao grit his teeth. an adepti, reduced to this… “what, did you lose your spear?”

“of course i didn’t,” he snapped, “but i’m not foolish enough to think i can use a spear to carve wood.”

yanxiao nodded in understanding, reaching into his pocket for a small flip knife. it was barely as long as one of his fingers, the handle a dark wood. “this should do, i think.” he threw the knife underhand, and xiao caught it with ease. the blade flicked out easily, sharp to the touch. “remember to cut away from you, yeah?”

his grip tightened on the knife, leaving without thanks.

safely in the shadow of his room, xiao finally relaxed. one by one, he removed his guards and charms, quietly setting them in their respective places. you were curled up in your bed as always, none the wiser as he stepped out onto the balcony. he sat facing the moon, setting his mask on the floor beside him. again drawing the small knife, he braced the wood in his lap and began to carve.

yanxiao was many things, but a fool he was not. he had heard from verr about your mask tearing yesterday, about how you sat quietly on xiao’s terrace for the rest of the day in a pout. you were a strange guest, certainly, but you were xiao’s. he kept very limited company, and those he lingered around felt his affections quietly.

when flowers had blown off their tables prior to the reception of an important guest, a mysterious bundle of qingxin had found it’s way onto the reception desk to replace them. when the eccentric xianyun had stopped by for a ‘surprise lunch,’ a small note in familiar writing on his table told him her tastes. when your small, flimsy mask tore in two… well, he couldn’t wait to find out.

he worked as usual, trading guesses with verr as he helped ferry plates back and forth. would he fetch you new leaves in perpetuity? fetch new ones from your home nation of sumeru? find a new toy to distract you? neither of them had ever met a pari before, didn’t know what you wanted or needed to thrive, but they entertained themselves with nonsense speculation nontheless.

xiao showing up in his kitchen without warning was nothing out of the ordinary. yanxiao had learned to pick out the shift in air pressure that signaled his arrival, wiping off his hands and putting the washed vegetables aside. the flat expression on his face was also routine, but the log he held most certainly wasn’t. handcarved offerings weren’t all too uncommon in liyue, especially from an adeptus, but he had a feeling it wasn’t for rex lapis or another adepti.

the next question, of course, was what he would carve. verr suggests a wooden mimic of the leaf mask and he can’t hide the way that makes him laugh, his smile wider than usual as he greets customers.

that night, if you stood just quietly enough beneath the upper balcony and the wind blew the right way, you would hear the quiet scrape of wood and metal. and the next morning, if you were anywhere near the inn, you would likely see a bright pari weaving through the levels, eager to show off their brand new mask carved by the hero of dihua marsh himself.

[dabislittlemouse]

I’m not sorry for this

To celebrate taking over the plf, the men from the league of villains decided to “reward” themselves, with you being their prize.

Which is how you found yourself in a orgy with five of the members.

Dabi is beneath you, his arms wrapped around your waist, licking and sucking your tits while you bounce your pussy on his cock. Behind you, Shigaraki pounds into your ass, both hands spanking and groping each cheek. In front of you, Compress fucks your mouth, one hand gently holding your head up by your hair while the other massages his sack for extra stimulation. On your right side, you hold Twice’s cock in your hand, rubbing his shaft until his head is thrown back, groaning in pleasure. On your left, you do the same with Spinner, and he whimpers when you stroke his tip with your thumb. After every orgasm, they all switch places and manhandle you in different positions. You’re covered in so much sweat and cum that you don’t know which is yours or theirs. You’ve lost count of how many rounds you’ve had.

You’re so stuffed and full that you can barely concentrate, too lost in the ecstasy of having all your holes filled. You love being used like this, being the league’s personal cocksleeve, being stretched out and overstimulated until you’re a fucked out, cum-drunk mess. You know you’ll be sore in the morning but when you’re this high on sex, the consequences don’t matter to you.

You belong to them, and your body is theirs to do with as they please ❤️

I can’t fucking breathe-

ANON WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME ON THESE LATE NIGHT HOURS BRO

Omg I need more of this, first threesome and now orgy? You guys are the WORSTT ASOAJSKANSKANSOAKS

[papirouge]

"Taylor swift porn deepfakes dropped and leftists are arguing it’s ok because she’s white and rich !! It doesn’t matter if she’s white and rich, because misogyny affects all of us uwu"

and yet, when brown Muslim Palestinian women struggling in their war torn country got displaced in camps and resorted to cut their tent because they didn't have menstrual products were PLEADING for help/attention, you remained quiet

...but yes, the discourse calling out the selective mobilization of western feminists who constantly cape for rich/White/Western celebrities while not displaying an ounce of this energy to speak up for women struggling & dying en masse in the biggest conflict in the world right now is just silly "leftism"

shut up. like, forever.

[loislaina]

I'm not strictly aromantic or asexual (I might be demi however; I'm *still* trying to figure that one out!), but I support and love every single one of you. Your identity is valid. Your queerness is valid. YOU are valid. You're deserving of all the happiness in the world.

(this includes cishet aroaces by the way)

[im-gonna-be-weird-about-it]

Me, a casual viewer of BFU: True Crime and Puppet History, clicking on the Making Watcher playlist: Oh, its so nice that the boys got to start their own company :)

Me, 40 minutes later, no longer a causal viewer after seeing Ryan Bergara talk about his anxiety and then almost cry on camera because he is so happy that his friend agreed to work at his new company: 

[orcelito]

Ok. Real question. How many people Actually have believed in Santa? Bc I never did, mostly bc my dad never bothered with the entire pretense, so the whole concept is just. Really fucking strange to me

Putting an actual poll bc I feel like I'm losing my mind a bit thinking about how apparently widespread it is. Like. It's just so... weird? Why is this the thing people have popularized? It makes no sense.

[jizzlords]

no matter how many years pass, i'll always fangirl over reuniting with long-term friends i've met through here and fangirl even harder at seeing their faces/hearing their voices. omg they're real, i knew i wasn't crazy. shit's a celebrity sighting.

[burglarpirate]

Happy Birthday Stede Bonnet, the fanciest of boys

July 29, 1688

[batbaffle]

it's interesting how bruce often goes out his way to avoid being associated with dick while investigating leads without a disguise.

i assume he just wants to ensure that bruce and dick aren't seen together in the same place as batman and robin?

there was a case in which someone made the connection between bruce wayne's appearances and batman's appearances, so it does makes sense for bruce to hide dick's presence in these situations.

[super-oddity]

“hooking up with a married man is a pretty shitty thing to do” “cheating on your wife and the mother of your child is a shitty thing to do”

“yes, and?” and nothing! the statement is complete and without any need of elaboration. hope this helps 😌

[xinyuehui]

Tied up 🪢

[man-monsters-and-aliens]

HEY DUDE IT’S JACK’S MONTH WHY NO JACKPOSTING

OMG YOU'RE RIGHT I FORGOR

they're 🎃🍍🍈 gonna eat all your candy 🍭🍬🍫

[feline-evil]

It feels like the day to say i love my fucking boyfriend so goddamn much. I'm going 2 attack him w a beam (lovingly)

[saltedcoffeee]

omg someone pointed out david's talent could b used for propaganda n my third and fourth eyes opened simultaneously

[gibbearish]

its been fun watching the hbomb subreddit try very very hard to stick to the "if anyone harasses james on my behalf they wont see the light of heaven" by imo overcorrecting to "any time anyone mentions somerton ever it's because you're obsessed with him and want to pick on him because he's the villain of the week" bc its like. yknow actually i dont think people keeping an eye on his various attempts to weasel back into the spotlight and keep doing his same old shit over the last /two months/ is the same as harassing him because it's hip and fun. i think maybe those are not the same thing