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#im going to tutoring for at LEAST four hours a week
im just so fucking done
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hrt-shpd-systm · 1 year
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College Preparation Ritual
This spell is mainly to get me ready and motivated to start the summer semester. It will be my first semester. I will be taking an orientation course, English 101, and Psychology 101. Im really excited, English is a strong subject for me, and I'm sure I will enjoy the psychology class, as that is my major. It is also for me to know what to expect.
Needed
Rosemary
Lemon Balm
Tarot Cloth
Tarot Deck
Blue Candle
Candle Holder
Altar Oil
Plate
Offerings Bowl
Charcoal
Mugwort
Lavender
Catnip
Allspice
Intentions
I want to pass this first semester with an 80% or higher in all my classes. To do this I intend to spend at least 3 hours a day on each subject. Hopefully the orientation course is fairly easy and I don't need to spend much time on it but as for the reading and psychology course I must spend 3 hours a day. I will check my grades and ask for help when needed. If I can't get my work done alone, then I will ask for a tutor to help me out. I will be asking for extra time on tests if needed, and for a weekly schedule with everything that I will need to get done on a specific day.
How To
Wait until the full moon, do the ritual at night. In my case that is today, May 5th.
Lay out everything in front of me and neatly organize everything needed. Ground yourself.
Begin by cleansing the space around you and calling on the four element. Do this by lighting a charcoal tablet and placing it into the offering bowl. Drop some lavender into the bowl and say a cleansing incantation.
Drop some more lavender to call on the element of air. Drop allspice to call on fire. Drop some catnip to call on water. And finally, mugwort to call on earth
This will cause a build up of energy. Harness that energy by practicing mindfulness or by meditating.
Now get the plate and pour some altar oil onto it. Then roll the blue candle on the plate and coat it in altar oil. Next, sprinkle on rosemary and lemon balm on the candle.
Light the candle and place into the candle holder. Burn it to completion
As the candle is burning, I shall do a tarot reading to determine what to expect as I approach the start of the summer semester.
Reflection
So did the ritual at 8 pm. It took about 30 minutes to complete. I started with a meditation as the moon began to rise. Soon after I started I could see the moon in the sky. I followed the instructions to a T. I drew asked the deck what to expect going into the summer semester. I drew The Star, The Emperor, and The Ace of Pentacles. I took it as advice instead. It didn't really tell me what to expect just gave me advice. I think that is because I already knew what I would expect. I felt like it as trying to tell me to have hope and believe in myself. To set boundaries in the form of asking for accomodations for my autism. And most importantly, to be ready for hard work. be ready to stretch myself a bit.
The Star
So I feel pretty strongly that this card is telling me to have hope as the end of fucking around is upon me. And the beginning of college nears, i am beginning to realize actual hard work is in this situation in order to pass. It's time for me to take my future seriously, and take the risk that is going to college and majoring in psychology
The Emperor
Like I said before, now is the time to ask for accomodations. I feel bad because I would be asking my professors to essentially take time out of their busy weeks to make a calendar/schedule for me so I know what needs to get on on a day to day basis. but it might just be vital to my success. I find it difficult to map out what needs to get done everyday because it's overwhelming to look at a long list of tasks that need to be done. I need help breaking it down into smaller chunks. It's not like what I'm asking for is an unreasonable accommodation either.
The Ace of Pentacles
I feel like I get held back by being afraid of not being perfect. Like my mom used to hold me to a standard of passing all my classes with A's because I was able to manage that one year. I'm afraid of not being able to pass my classes. I'm scared I'm gonna move slower than everyone else because that how it felt in high school especially in my junior year. That combined with the fact that I just wasn't interested anymore lead to me dropping out of CRAS. I still had that perfection mindset but I was afraid. I was afraid of inconveniencing my teachers by asking them to slow down. I was scared to ask for tutoring because I was taking time off from busy students to help me.
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siriusblackloml · 1 year
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just for me - george weasley x reader (PART 2)
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𝙥𝙖𝙞𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜: george weasley x fem!reader
𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙙 𝙘𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙩: 8k
𝙖𝙣𝙤𝙣 𝙧𝙚𝙦𝙪𝙚𝙨𝙩: “i was wondering if you could maybe write anything abt virgin killer!george weasley?? like im sorry hes the finest mf around ik he gets MAD hoes so when he finally acknowledges this preppy, nice and innocent mc he jus knows he has to ruin her"
𝙨𝙪𝙢𝙢𝙖𝙧𝙮: george knows he has your attention now. he knew his plan was working, and that’s why he decides to strike in the most unexpected place.
𝙬𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨: virgin!reader, vaginal sex, unprotected sex, swearing, fingering, dirty talk, george weasley lowkey being an ass, PUBLIC SEX
𝙖𝙪𝙩𝙝𝙤𝙧'𝙨 𝙣𝙤𝙩𝙚: hope you all enjoy! part three coming out very very very soon :)
part one ┊ part two ┊part three ┊ part four (COMING SOON)
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Sitting alone in the library wasn’t an abnormal occurrence to you. From the multiple exams and essays that Professor Snape has set over the years, you’re used to being surrounded by maybe two or three piles of books. While this was the norm for you, and sitting alone in the library today shouldn’t have felt any different, it had you feeling like your heart was going to jump out of your body. 
Trying to not bite the rest of your nails out of anxiety, you start to twirl your hair that had been styled down today. You had a dark blue hair clip in your hair that you couldn’t quite seem to keep in one place for more than two or three minutes. Every now and then you were adjusting it repeatedly to try and look nice. At some point you had to stop because you could sense that your hair was starting to frizz at the roots from constantly pulling and straining it. You couldn’t risk looking bad for George today. Well, at least you were hoping you looked pretty decent today. It was only a tutoring session, that’s all, right? 
Even if it is just a study session that will probably last no more than an hour at most, you arrived at the library thirty minutes earlier than you and George had planned the previous day. Having to sit around and wait in your house common room was just a little too much for you to handle at the moment. No one else was really there, so it was just you in your thoughts. You assumed maybe the library would be better suiting, but you nearly forgot how quiet it would be due to lack of students. It was still very early in the year, barely into the third week of the term, so not many people were busying themselves with the books that the Hogwarts library held. Well, there were a few students…however, they were all first-years who seemed to just go to the library to prank the librarian by making loud noises over and over again. You eventually got frustrated enough to leave the table you had been previously sitting in, locating yourself at a desk in the far corner of the library away from everyone else.
Yes, this would mean that only you and George would be in this corner of the library, but maybe that would be best. Less distractions for him to try and focus on. You take a deep breath and try to focus more on the present rather than the future. 
You lean over the desk to retrieve all your books and parchment from your bag. You lay them out on the desk in an organized manner. Figuring you had time to kill, you start to dip your quill in some ink and open your book to a random chapter to start taking notes. Unfortunately, your focused frame of mind lasted no more than thirty seconds. You’ve lost focus almost immediately and start thinking about George. He always seemed to find a way to consume your mind. 
Uneasiness was coursing through your veins. You were anxious, to say the least. Restless, fidgety, tense, you had it all running through your body right now. Understandably so, too. 
However, another emotion began to consume your thoughts; you felt astonished. Taken back by the way that a boy you’d just recently met a few weeks ago had the ability to linger on your mind for hours on end. This feeling left you dumbfounded with how to cope with the anxiety and nervousness. You’re just so surprised about all this because it was over…a boy! You’d never been through this kind of thing before. 
George Weasley had some sort of spell on you, and whatever kind of spell it was, it was stronger than any kind of magic you’d come across at Hogwarts. 
Did George know he was doing this to you? No, he must only see you as a fellow peer is all. The fact that you were asking yourself this question raised a lot of flags in your head. It was hard to admit, but you were starting to truly believe that you were for sure developing feelings for the boy. Just that realization alone was hard to take in, let alone wondering whether or not George felt the same way. You felt that maybe it was going to be better to just assume he didn’t feel the same. Trying to convince yourself that he didn’t share similar feelings towards you gave you better reassurance that this tutoring lesson won’t be anything more than just that. If anything, you felt like you had a clearer vision of how things were going to go down. You would be sure to just keep your focus on studying and absolutely nothing else. 
Taking in another deep breath to relax, you look around the library to see if George had walked in. After only needing to glance around for a few seconds, you finally see him. His appearance is noticed as he starts to walk around the corner of a shelf towards the table. His little waltz falters as he notices you and he immediately breaks into a grin. You try your best to ignore the butterflies exploding in your chest. 
As the boy gets closer to the table, you smile back and say, “Hey! How are you?”
George sets his belongings on the desk and starts to pull out the chair to your left. He begins to swivel the chair to the side so that he can sit in it, answering your question with another one. “I’m doing great, how about yourself, Y/N?”
When George is in his chair and starts to scoot forward, you can’t help but notice how close he was to you. He had managed to push his chair so close to your own, there was barely any room between the two of you. Glancing at the way both your legs were merely brushing against each other, your eyes flutter to a quick glance at his crotch. Your cheeks blush red immediately as you try to ignore the dirty thoughts that crossed your mind. This was quite possibly the first time you’d ever purposely looked at a boy in that way.
You open your book to an earlier chapter and start to explain your plan to George in detail. You had a full outline planned for him where you would start teaching him material over the easier subjects and have it lead up towards the harder areas of the textbook. And surprisingly…the session went great!
George was eager to jump right into the first lesson you had to offer. He was memorizing more and more of the content and was grasping everything with ease. You couldn’t help but think less and less of the idea that George saw this as anything more than a tutoring lesson. You guys had little to no conversation outside the subject at hand. That way, it helped your mind stay at ease. 
The lesson went on for about an hour. It finally came to a halt when you quizzed George on his last question and he beamed with happiness as he got the correct answer. 
“Is it…used to thicken a potion?” George asks with a raised eyebrow. 
“Yes! Correct!” You say excitedly, watching as the boy breaks into a huge smile. You raise your hand in the air for a high five, which the boy reciprocates excitedly. The moment your hands touched, it felt like a million fireworks went off in your stomach. 
You tell him, “You know George, if I didn’t know any better, I would think you didn’t even need this tutoring lesson in the first place. You come to memorize this stuff very easily, it’s amazing.” 
You watch closely as George stares at your face with a sort of longing in his eyes, studying your features. It was as though he briefly went into auto-pilot mode as he carefully thought over his next response to your comment. The gears were turning in his head at full speed now. 
The boy finally starts to give you a response after sitting still for a few seconds. His body leans forward to further close the gap between you two, his hand reached forward and felt for the fabric of your skirt that covered your thigh. His hand rests atop your leg so naturally, as though he had been doing this for years. 
In an instant, your eyes widen and your stomach lurches forward. If anything, you felt like pure jelly. Every muscle in your body had felt tingly with excitement. You’re speechless as you stare at the hand on your thigh. Anxiously waiting for his next move, you slowly glance up towards George. The boy smirks and says in a sultry tone, “Well, of course I’m a natural at this stuff. I have the best tutor around to teach me.” 
At this comment, the red-haired student gave his peer a quick squeeze in the thigh. You let out a breath of air you hadn’t realized you’d been holding, gasping immediately. 
When you gasped in a soft breath, George couldn’t help but look at your lips. His linger stays there for what felt like a year. He couldn’t seem to stop staring, which only made you blush like mad. 
Feeling as though you had to be the one to break the ice, you ask him in a shaky voice, “G-George? Erm, what…what are you doing, e-exactly?” 
The boy just chuckles and gives you another squeeze and you could have sworn you felt a tingle go straight to your core. George says, “I’ll see you around, Y/N.”
He takes his hand away from your thigh and collects all his belongings, shoving them into the bag he had brought with. As he gets up from the chair and starts to walk away, he’s sure to turn around and give you a wink before fully walking out of the library. You’re left alone with the only thing you can hear is the beating of your own heart in your eardrums. It was consuming your entire being. That, and the constant thought of what had just happened. You weren’t imagining this, it was all real!
How the hell did he manage to leave you that baffled? That…discombobulated? You went into this tutoring session with a million questions running through your mind, and now you were leaving it with a million more. George Weasley was going to be the absolute death of you, there was no denying that. At least you were able to leave this tutoring session learning one new notion that you had not known before; George was interested in you.
»——•——«
One week later…
»——•——«
It felt mad seeing him in the hallway as if nothing had happened. Well, it wasn’t as though the both of you were acting the same old, same old again. There was something different in the air when you and George were together. Granted, you’d only had two class sessions together since the whole ordeal of last week. The tutoring session was merely a week ago, but the events that occurred at the end of the lesson were branded in your mind forever.
And now you’re just expected to go to classes like it was any other day. As if it was possible for you to go back to the same goody-two shoe student you were before George Weasley entered your life. How on earth were you just supposed to forget something like that had happened? It was quite literally life changing. Not that George was going to let you forget about the events of last week. Before you guys had taken your exam that following week, he thanked you again for tutoring him. His hand brushed against your leg under the desk and he gave you another wink.
You stuttered terribly with your words as your cheeks would turn red, and he just laughed at this, teasing you for being so cute. The next lesson you two had together, he was sitting extremely close and would sometimes allow his boot to brush up against your ankles under the desk. 
Meanwhile, if he ever saw you in the Great Hall, he made a big deal of coming over to say hello. This inevitably led up to the day he called you cute again for the way you had styled your hair. Cute? He thought you were cute? He said it twice in one week, of course he thought you were cute. Oh Godric, you were in so much more trouble with George Weasley than you ever thought you were going to be. You still couldn’t believe you had such strong feelings for a boy you’d just met, especially for one with such a bad reputation.
You sort of felt guilty for it at first. Even your girlfriends were a bit worried for you, warning that George was likely to just use you and get on with his life. But George Weasley was not one to just forget about. He was engraved in your very being. He was constantly consuming your thoughts. So much so, that you were starting to get a bit too distracted with your studying. That’s why you decided that maybe you needed to sneak off school grounds for a little while to have some alone time.
School always came first to you. The tests and exams were going to define your future, and your future was looking absolutely bright. Just the other day, Professor Snape was complimenting your abilities to “tutor even the most helpless”. While you knew you should have taken that compliment with a whole lot of pride, you couldn’t help but gulp hard knowing it was about George. He was quite literally everywhere you went now. This is why you had to get away from it all, even if it was just a couple hours.
One weekend morning, you’d woken up in a bright mood and ate a very filling breakfast. After chatting with your girlfriends in the common room, you’d decided to get ready for the day. You dressed yourself in a skirt and a school shirt, grabbing your robe to cover yourself just in case you got chilly. Not long after all this, you started to make your way outside to study. You’d brought a couple books outside to a nice shady spot under a tree far away from the school. It may or may not have been on school grounds, but that was absolutely fine by you. If anything, you needed a lot of space from the school. Inside was George Weasley, and he was like a drug consuming everything about your days.
You laid out your assignments in the grass, enjoying the cool autumn breeze caressing your face. You were trying your absolute best to stay focused to complete the massive list of homework you had to complete by the end of the week. However, your focus didn’t remain for long. Before you knew it, you could hear a long distance away from the school that a large group of people had exited from a courtyard to make their way down to Hagrid’s hut. 
Your heart sank as you realized exactly who it was. It was all three of the Weasley brothers with Harry Potter and Hermoine. You knew this from the three heads of fiery red hair and the smaller boy and girl. Thankfully, Hagrid’s hut was in the total opposite direction of you, so you decided to keep your nose in your books and keep on with the studying. There was no way they could have even seen you all the way out here, right? 
Well it might be possible, given you’d decided to wear your robe outside today…the black fabric against the bright green grass might stick out like a sore thumb. For the hell of it, you looked up from your book to see if the group had vanished. Instead, it seemed that everyone halted their movements as they were drawing further away from the school. 
It was too far to tell, but you could’ve sworn that the group of people were staring at you.
Oh Godric, of course they would notice you, why wouldn’t they? It’s just your freaking luck. You immediately looked down at the book in hand and tried to get your focus back as best you could. Maybe ten, twenty, thirty seconds had passed, you didn’t know, but you glanced up again at the group to see if they’d disappeared. 
Thankfully, they had…however there was a tall red-haired boy who was walking through a field of grass to make his way towards you. Even if it was hard to make out his face, you knew it was George. You tried to ignore the fact he was making a long trek all the way across fields of grass to find you in your study spot. You knew damn well that once George was here, it was no longer going to be spent studying. Not that you really knew what was going to happen…maybe you two were just going to talk…but what on earth about?
You didn’t have time to contemplate the ideas, you looked up and saw that George was less than ten feet away now, smiling like no tomorrow. Deciding to break the ice, you hold up a hand to your eyes to shade the sun from your face. You ask him, “Hi George, whatcha doing all the way out here?”
The boy nods his head to acknowledge your question, quickly telling you, “Well, just wondered if you mind I stuck around with you for a bit. Saw you all the way from the castle and thought it might have been you. Guess I was right!”
You chuckle nervously, picking up books to push them away. Making room for the boy to your right, you pat the soft grass and invite him to sit, “Yeah, I didn’t think anyone would see me to be completely honest with you. I felt so far away.”
George sits down with a look of confusion on his face. You raise an eyebrow as he asks, “Why on earth would you not want to be seen?” 
Within an instant, your cheeks are blushing red. This was typical now anytime you and George spoke to one another. 
If only it were easy to tell the boy that he was secretly the reason you had to get away from the castle. If only you could tell him that your heart beats so fast every time the two of you make eye contact that you feel like it’s going to explode. No, he didn’t need to know all this. Instead, you chose to shrug casually. “I guess…just to have some peace and quiet. I don’t know, I guess I liked being hidden from the rest of the world for a little bit.” 
Which isn’t really far from the truth. Since you’d dedicated so many years to studying your subjects at Hogwarts, it wasn’t hard for people to overlook you. George nodded his head and was busy licking his lips deep in thought. He mimics your shrug with a crooked grin, telling you, “Well, I don’t want you to stay hidden.”
You blush and smile, asking him, “Oh yeah? Why’s that?” 
He just smirks and scoots closer to you, opting to lean in close and ask you a personal question instead of answering your own. “Can I kiss you, Y/N?”
There was absolutely nothing that could have prepared you for that question, as though all the breath had been knocked out of you in an instant. That, or maybe your heart stopped beating for a second. Your smile is larger than life itself in that moment, and all that mattered was the sweet victory that George Weasley seemed to want you just as bad as you wanted him. You were a winner through and through.
You nod your head shyly, waiting for him to make the first move. George wastes no time, a soft hand coming up to cup your cheek while he swiftly moves in towards your face. 
Your lips connect and as cliche as it sounds, you could have sworn you felt some sort of fireworks go off. The moment you two connected it was as if the world around you went mute completely. You exhale loudly as George pushes his lips against yours so naturally. The way his lips brushed in time with your own would only result in little groans from your shaky breaths, still slightly nervous from the experience of it all. Not that you were scared, you were just in complete disbelief that this was happening. 
He takes total control of it all, moving his lips in a way that you could only try your best to mimic. This was truly the first time you’d ever kissed a boy and it made you feel like you were high on drugs. His lips were soft, plush, and as sweet as candy. The taste of his mouth on your own leaves you biting on his lip, begging for anything more than this.
George had been relatively silent up until this point, and after biting his lip you caught a tiny pout and whine that escaped from his mouth in a quick moment. It makes you feel utterly crazy. 
Before you expect it, George’s hand goes from cupping your face to the back of your head. His fingers intertwine in your locks and he pulls softly, earning a whine from you, a noise you hadn’t realized you would ever make in front of a boy. His hand keeps a tight grip on your hair, and you felt in an instant that you needed to lock yourself onto George in some way to anchor your bodies together. 
Your hands find their way up his forearms, slowly making their way around his shoulders to wrap around his neck. At this action, George starts to push you forward without missing a beat in the kiss. He carefully pushes you towards the ground and is sure that you lay softly on the grass before he resumes kissing you with vigor. You notice that he is starting to pick up the pace.
Inexperienced, you try your best to match him, but it feels nearly impossible. It felt as though he was trying to consume everything about you in a matter of seconds. Due to this, it was becoming hard to ignore the noticeable knot in your stomach tightening more and more as George makes out with you. Even worse, you could feel your underwear starting to soak easily in a matter of minutes. While you felt like maybe you should be embarrassed about this, you don’t really have much time to even think about it. George was starting to show an even more powerful side, dominance that left you exhilarated. 
The kiss intensifies as he starts to swirl his tongue at your bottom lip, silently begging you for permission to open up. You obeyed his order, whimpering into his mouth, “Oh, fuck me George…”
The boy murmurs something into your mouth, but it’s completely overwhelmed and ignored at the action of his tongue swirling around your own. It feels gross, distasteful, but beautiful all at once. It almost felt hard to breathe again.
You had waited for this to happen for so long now. No boy had ever made you feel this crazy before. You were absolutely head over heels for George Weasley. What gets your heart racing even faster is the fact that he was the one to initiate it all.
There was a sort of electricity between the two of you that neither could ignore. It was an undeniable sort of energy, but what was even more undeniable was the eagerness you had for more. Honestly, you were desperate for anything. You start to allow your legs to slowly open underneath George’s body, completely in disarray that you are even doing this for a boy in the first place, let alone someone you couldn’t even consider your boyfriend. 
George takes this invitation with a smirk on his face, pulling away from the kiss to whisper against your jawline, “You’re so damn cheeky, you know that?” 
He allows the lower half of his body to connect with your own by pushing down on top of you. Your eyes widen immediately as you feel…something.
Through the fabric of his school pants, you can feel George's manhood rubbing against your thigh. You quickly cast your eyes below to observe the area where your bodies meet. Your lips emit a little gasp as your gaze digests the scene. Just by appearances, George seemed to be enormous. When you first caught a glimpse of his crotch in the library, you never in a million years imagined he'd be so huge! George, noticing that you are no longer staring at him, looks down to meet your sight on his hardening member. He chews his lip and turns to face you, beaming, “You did this to me, love. I wonder if there’s something we could do to fix my…little problem.”
You gulp loudly, looking back at him with eyes as wide as the moon. In a shaky voice, you ask him, “Do you mean…do you mean, like, having…sex?”
George immediately laughs, brushing strands of hair away from your face. He didn’t answer right away, but he didn’t need to say anything verbal to give you the cue that this is exactly what he had been hoping for. 
Displeased by your own question, you cast your gaze away from George. Ever since he kissed you, you secretly had a gut feeling this was going to lead up towards something sexual eventually. If you hadn't known any better, you would say that George must have had this planned for some time. What else could one do but...let it happen? Were you prepared for such a significant leap? For you, this was absolutely uncharted ground. You wanted it so bad even though it was rumored to be unpleasant the first time. Just the thought alone made your ears ring. 
But in the end, you trusted him. Maybe it was just your crazy infatuation for the boy, but you needed this desperately. 
George smiles and whispers, “Only if you’re comfortable with it, Y/N. I don’t want to do anything you don’t want-”
“I want it.” You blurt out, cheeks reddening immediately. 
George’s eyes widen now, surprised and thrown off guard by the sheer impulse of your words. He questions you, “W-Wait, seriously? Are-Are you sure?”
You nod your head willingly, telling him, “Yes, I’m positive. I really need it, George.” 
His eyes darkened immediately realizing he has you all to himself. He chuckles deeply, clicking his tongue as his eyes scan your face, more importantly your lips. You hoped he wasn’t going to read the shame spread across your face because never in a million years had you expected you would be under a boy in the middle of a field practically begging to be fucked. 
Which only brought you back to reality. You glance at your surroundings and remember exactly where you were. Out in the open, outside. You understood this wasn't the best place to have your first time, but you were willing to make an exception. You were a little concerned that someone would see you, though. George did, after all, see you from what seemed like a million miles away. "George, won't someone see us?" you ask as you raise your worry to him. 
George rises to his knees in seconds. His perfectly defined bulge was only highlighted by this perspective, which made you weak in the knees. You remain still, as if you were anchored to the earth, while he glances around to find a solution. George casts an overview in your direction before turning to face you and focusing on your physique. More specifically, the robes you were wearing. 
“Give me your robes,” he says, “I’ll hang it from the tree.” 
He removed your robe and tied it clumsily to the tree's branches to serve as a temporary barricade. It was not perfect by any means, but you had nothing to complain about. It hid you away from the rest of wandering eyes at Hogwarts. Within seconds, George was unbuttoning his shirt. 
Trying your best to mimic his actions, you pull your tucked shirt out from the restraints of your skirt and start to unbutton at the same pace he was going. You exploded in excitement as you saw George's naked chest. Just seeing him on his knees in front of you and removing his shirt made your stomach erupt with butterflies. From the waist up, he was now completely nude. You couldn't help but cast a second glance in the direction of his crotch, marveling at the bulge that was furiously waiting for release from the confines of his pants. You carefully toss your own garment on the grass after casually shaking it off. As soon as you noticed the boy staring at your bralette, your heart began to beat quickly. It was a lovely shade of lavender, which complemented your skin tone admirably. 
“You look beautiful, Y/N.” He whispers, inching closer and closer to you. You take this as an invitation to lie down again and watch as he crawls on top of you again, leaning down to devour you in another kiss. He mumbles against your lips, “So beautiful.”
You eagerly kiss him back, head spinning from a rush of adrenaline. As George starts to leave small kisses against your jawline, you notice his hands start to touch random places on your body. At first it was your hips, your stomach, then your breasts. He gave them a tender squeeze through the fabric, making you softly moan. “Oh my gosh- please touch me more, please!” 
George doesn’t need to ask you to beg for more. He was as desperate as you were and complied with your request immediately. 
George’s hands slowly moved up and down your body; his fingers traced curves as his lips moved in time along your neck. You sigh softly at the sensation, thinking you were crazy for not having done this before. His hands found their way to the waistline of your skirt, where his fingers started to slip beneath the clothing. He could feel your warm skin against his fingertips and sighs contently. He mumbles against your neck, “Can I take these off for you, love?” 
The hot breath against your neck made you slightly gasp. All you could do was nod furiously, silently begging for him to get a move on. Your hands find their way to his shoulders, occasionally digging your nails into his skin from pure excitement. George kisses down your collarbone while his hands start to properly grip the skirt in a way that allows him to pull it down your body. You feel your heart start to race as he slowly peels off the article of clothing, exposing your legs to the cool air of the outside breeze.
His lips start to move further down your collarbone, kissing the dip in between your breasts as his fingers move behind your body to unclip the bra. With your help, your bralette comes off easily and he leaves it sitting atop your shirt. He stares at your chest, admiring your nipples and the roundness of your chest. You jokingly ask, “Do you like what you see?” 
He licks his bottom lip and nods his head, “Fuck, of course I do.” 
His mouth resumes kissing down your body, however he does not forget to leave soft kisses along your breasts in a way that makes your core tingle even more. There was no doubt in your mind you were soaking now, underwear wet against your privates. George was nearly there, too, which made the situation all more exciting. The boy’s tongue starts to explore every inch of you, getting closer and closer to the trim of your underwear, which matches the color of your bralette, of course. You let out a gasp as his fingers moved to your inner thighs, pushing them apart to expose you even more than before. You whisper to yourself, “Oh, fuck…”
George is fully laid on his stomach now, his face merely inches away from your bottom. He inhales greatly, taking in your intoxicating scent. He tells you, “I don’t think you understand how long I’ve been wanting to look at this pretty pussy.”
Your heart beats rapidly at his words. You tell him in a shy voice, “I really need you, George. Please, I need you inside me.”
He chuckles deeply, nipping at the skin of your inner thighs. He starts to move his hands towards the underwear that hugged your skin so tightly, the pads of his fingers making your skin jump with excitement. You were nervous beyond belief, but also anxious for him to start fucking you already. 
“I’ll need to prep you first, baby. I don’t want to hurt you.” He explains, coaxing you to lift your bottom so that he can pull off your underwear. You comply and raise your bottom off the ground, allowing him to swiftly pull off your clothing. 
You heard a gasp, thinking at first it had been you, but realized it was George moments later. It sounded as though he was in awe from the sight of your soft folds which were glistening with wetness. Your body shifts under his stare. If he hadn’t known you were a virgin before, he had to now. You positively dripping wet just from his kisses. 
Knees spread before George, you clear your throat to catch his attention. “Can you please be fast? I want to be careful, too…but I also really, really wanting your cock inside me.”
You couldn’t believe you were this desperate, but you wouldn’t have it any other way. George smiles before getting up from the ground and leaning forward, leaving a small kiss on your forehead. He asks you in a gentle coo, “Of course, baby. How do you want me to prep you? My mouth or fingers?” 
You smile at the kiss, secretly wishing he did it more often. Not wasting any time, you think over the situation once in your head and decide on an answer. “I think your fingers will be fine.”
“Me, too. I’m going to start with one, alright?” He says, sitting on his knees in between your thighs. Your body relaxes at the idea. This was the perfect way to start out. 
He shuffles closer to you, his hands rubbing up and down your thighs. Finally, after what felt like forever, his right hand starts to inch closer to your pussy, thumb touching your folds and smearing your leaking juices over your clit. Your entire body suddenly leaps at the sensation. You find yourself gently muttering, "Fuck, George!" 
He silently mumbles something to himself at the same time while gazing at your clit, which almost begs to be touched. His fingers repeatedly swoop down between your folds before being pulled up around your tender nub. You start to groan more and more as a result of the feeling, and before you know it, he has inserted his middle finger into your warmth. He feels like he's thrusting in and out of your hole, and you bite your lip. George grins and says, "You're so fucking wet, Y/N.," in a seductive tone, “what a cute little slut you are.” 
His words make your head spin in an instant. You feel his pace pick up after a few moments, and he glances up towards you for permission to add another digit. You nod your head, telling him, “Please, give it to me. I’ll take it like a good girl.” 
“Fuck.” George says to himself, immediately adding a second finger. 
Your clit twitches from the feeling and you moan again into the open air of the field. His fingers perfectly found ways to curl inside you and bring your entire body jolting with pleasure. Surprisingly, the feeling didn’t hurt as much as you anticipated. You definitely felt a stretch, but the pain felt…really, really good. You start to beg George, “Please, fuck me. I need it so bad. My pussy needs your cock!” 
“FUCK- okay, holy shit…hold on baby, I’ll fuck your tight pussy real good. Just give me one second.” George can’t get over how grave you were to have your hole filled. He pulls his fingers out of your pussy, watching the way you start to clench around nothing. He swears to himself, “Holy shit, Y/N. You are so fucking hot.” 
The compliment makes your stomach explode with butterflies. It wasn’t the prettiest compliment in the world, but it made you want him even more. George was careful to take a position behind the robe and stood up straight. You hardly have time to process his movements before he hurriedly begins to unzip his pants. The effortless removal of his underwear and pants makes the startling exposure of his cock all the more surprising. His member was very thick, or at least thicker than most, you would assume. His length had beads of precum dancing at the tip, and the head of his cock was writhing with desire to already be inside your little hole. 
You gulp loudly, telling him in an anxious voice, “Um, are you sure it’s going to fit?” 
George laughs and nods his head, telling you, “We’ll make it work, trust me. You think you’re ready?”
“I think so, yeah.” You tell him, trying to relax your body as he eases back in between your thighs. The comforting breeze and blades of grass were enough to keep your mind at ease, but your thoughts were quickly shaken from the sensation of George’s member rubbing against your wet clit. It makes you moan at the feeling, trying to rock your hips in time with his movements. He bites his lip as your wet folds smear all over his length, covering the tip just enough to try and push things forward. 
George, with one more reassuring look towards your eyes, takes this moment upon himself to start pushing inside you. Gradually, he started to thrust into your tight entrance, the feeling of your walls squeezing him making him want to release in an instant. George listens closely to your breathy groans of pain and joy as he struggles to go gradually. All you wanted to do was prop yourself on your elbows to observe as he disappeared inch by inch inside of you. However, all you could do instead was writhe in pain and whimper from the feeling of it all, opting to gaze at the clears out of the tree over you instead.
Soon enough, you're clenching around him. The discomfort doesn't seem to go away immediately, or at least not as quickly as you had hoped. When he was fingering you, the pain was barely even there. Now you felt like you were being stretched in the most horrible way. Why did he have to be so big?
While combing your hair out of your face, he takes in your small whimpers with an adoring smile on his face. He shushes you quietly, telling you in a soft and concerned voice, "You're doing great, love. Just tell me when you're ready."  
You nod your head while attempting to contain your emotions. You slouch against the grass and make an effort to hold your breath as you already feel exhausted from the pain alone. As you struggle to take George's cock, your drained thighs lean on his body frame. Then, out of nowhere, you feel a hand on your cheek. His thumb is moving in a calming back and forth motion. He handles your jaw and leans forward, leaving a swift kiss on your lips. You feel like jelly from the feeling, instantly smiling from such a sweet action. He mimics your smile and tells you, “There’s my girl, pretty as ever…fuck, Y/N, you feel like fucking heaven. You’re so fucking tight.” 
You give out a sultry giggle, batting your lashes as you say, “I love your cock inside me. Feels…so good. Wait, George, can you move a little bit? I think I can handle it…”
George nods his head, leaning back so that he can watch his member glide in and out of your small hole. While it did take a few thrusts to truly feel okay, you started to feel pleasure take over the pain. The tip of his cock was nuzzled against your walls in such a way that made you feel every single move. It was blissful, and only left you craving more. 
“Oh-oh, fuck, oh my gosh. George, please fuck me harder.” The words stumble out of your mouth in a hurry. That green light was all George needed to unleash his true power. For a split second, all the rumors you’d heard about him in the past flashed across your mind. Now you know why the girls talked about him….
George starts to slam his cock inside you with a force that leaves you teary-eyed. Your cunt was taking in every inch of the boy with glee, squelching with obscene noises that you had no idea you could ever produce in the first place. George’s hands were resting on your thighs and eventually found their way to the backs of your knees. He uses this opportunity to push your legs towards your chest. This only makes his cock disappear deeper and deeper inside your pussy, leaving both of you moaning in unison together. You both mutter words under your breath or to one another, such as, “Yes, yes, yes, right there, oh my gosh!” 
George looks down at you while thrusting inside at a brutal pace, licking his bottom lip. He soaks in your pathetic whines and the way your breasts keep jumping around from the force of his hips. He leans forward, his hot breath hitting your face as he asks, “You like this fat cock, baby? You like the way I stretch out your pretty pussy?” 
“Yes! Yes, oh my gosh, yes! I love it so much!” You yell, positively lost in pleasure at this point. Your body was melting from the impact of his thrusts. You could feel the way his cock would start to hit this certain part inside you that left you thrashing around.
George’s lips attach themselves to your neck, breathing in your scent and sucking harshly at the sweaty skin. Your head throws back and you let out a guttural moan instantly, clenching even harder around the boy’s member.
While still thrusting inside you, he mumbles against your collarbone, “Fuck, baby, I’m already close. You feel so good.”
“Oh, fuck, need you so bad.” You softly groan, your hands tangling in the fiery red hair on his head. You tug at the strands the harder he hits your soaked hole, stretching you beyond belief. While at one point you were crying from the pain, now you had tears streaking your face from how intense the satisfaction of having his cock deep inside your cunt. 
George was determined to give you a show if that was what you insisted. Watching the way you squirm around his cock, he starts to increase his pace to become even faster than before. You didn't know how it was even humanly possible, but it didn't matter to you. Your head was so high in the clouds, all you could do was give George a dopey smile and beg for more. "Give it to me, George. Need it so fucking bad, please!"
“Aw, well since you asked so nicely.” George says, digging his hands into your hips to drill into your pussy with such force that left you gasping for air. Your entire body jerked back and forth, the grass rubbing against you in a slightly uncomfortable way. You couldn’t bring yourself to even focus on that at this moment though. All that mattered was the way you could feel your core start to tighten. 
You start to moan louder, “Fuck! I’m so close!”
George watches the way your thighs ripple from the force of his hips. Your hole was dripping with wetness onto your legs and his own body, leaving a mark that he wouldn’t forget for the rest of the day. He starts to tell you, “Come for me, baby. Come on my cock.”
That’s all you needed to hear to come undone on the spot. His words were enough to send you over the edge, the coil in your stomach snapping. You arch your back and let out a wonton moan into the air, “Yes! Yes! FUCK!”
Your entire body feels weak, mind fucked out and completely blank. The way his dick continued to ram into your pussy was leaving you breathless, mumbling incoherent words. George admires this, telling you, “Fuck, you’re so hot when you come. What a pretty little slut. Gonna, fuck, you’re gonna make me come!”
Nothing from before can compare to the feeling of George’s cock throbbing inside you. It leaves you whining, begging for him to hurry so that you don’t feel overstimulated. Somehow, the boy knows exactly what you were wordlessly begging for and complies within seconds. George suddenly pulls his cock out of your weeping cunt, jerking himself until he finally releases his seed all over your stomach and breasts. 
The liquid is hot and strange to feel on your naked body, but you loved it anyway. The boy slows down after his load is dumped all over you. He smiles at the mess he has created. A pretty girl laying in the grass outside the school, her body left in ruins from the sheer force of his cock. You gasp for air after George finishes, trying to collect your thoughts in an orderly manner but can’t seem to do so right away.
Did that really just happen? Are you an idiot for letting it happen, too? You just lost your virginity to the school’s biggest player. How on earth were you supposed to move past today as if nothing happened?
George smiles, “You liked that, baby?” 
You sit up, grimacing at the uncomfortable feeling in your lower back. Laying on the grass may not have been such a good idea, after all. You nod your head, “Y-Yeah, actually…I really liked it.” 
“Good,” he tells you, brushing hair out of your face, “we’ll have to do it again sometime soon.” 
Your heart drops at these words. Is that all you were to him? A quick fuck? Damn it, now the regret really was getting to you. Had he been getting this close to you all this time just to have sex and leave? 
The boy starts to get up from his spot in the grass between your legs, throwing his clothes on together in a messy manner. You were beyond thankful you had some tissues in your bag for emergency purposes, quickly grabbing them in order to wipe off…George from your stomach. 
You hate how the two of you got cleaned up together in silence. You were hoping for something, anything to be said. But the boy seemed unusually…quiet. Was this how he was after every single girl he had been with? It was strange. You didn’t really know what to say and opted for silence until he finally said something. Once the both of you were in the proper clothing again, your robe discarded from the tree branch, he hands it to you with a smile. He says, “I’ll definitely be seeing you around, Y/N.”
Your stomach drops at his words. You just nod and sheepishly smile, “Um, yeah, alright. I’ll see you around.” 
George gives you a quick kiss on the cheek, then turns and walks towards the castle as if nothing happened. 
Maybe that’s how you had to view it, too. As if it were nothing. Because that’s all it was to him. 
Nothing more, nothing less. George Weasley used you. 
You didn’t realize tears were streaming down your face until it was too late. 
~
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hookingminor · 4 years
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three lessons - mat barzal
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a/n: new series idea I just had, spoiler there is filth and the next parts will be as well also im not the best at writing smut so you’ll have to bear with me here. anyway! let me know what you think! comments/thoughts are always appreciated! also, I know it briefly mentions being the younger sister of a teammate, but I know nothing about the isles so its literally just for plot purposes don’t expect much from that and this isn’t proofread sorry
word count: 4.2k
summary: you’re tired of being a virgin, so you hit up Mat to help you with your problem and strike a deal
warnings (18+): loss of virginity, smut
PART TWO
-
This was by far the worst idea you’ve ever had.
In your twenty-one years of life, you’ve never had a worse idea. Your initial plan was crazy in and of itself, but adding Mat to the mix? It’s like you were asking to get your ass kicked.
The original thought came to you a year ago when you were sitting on the couch of your friend’s apartment, four glasses of wine into the night. She was complaining about her latest hookup, raging over the fact that he didn’t know where the clit was.
This is how it usually went between you two.
She was the one who got all the guys, the one who could pick up anyone from the bar and spend the night in a stranger’s bed without a second thought. You, however, were the wingwoman, the person who was left behind when your friend eventually decided to leave with a man.
It didn’t bother you that much. It’s not like you felt like you needed a boyfriend, you were secure in almost all aspects of your life, but the nagging thought in the back of your mind kept saying that you needed to get fucked. And soon.
Maybe it was the alcohol coursing through your bloodstream or the fact that you hadn’t masturbated in nearly two weeks, but you rolled your eyes at your friend before you finally snapped.
“At least you’ve had someone to fuck the past few months! Be grateful you’re not me and still a virgin at twenty!” You shouted, fed up with hearing stories about how your friend’s sex life was so terrible. At least she had a sex life to begin with.
“Oh my god. I’m so sorry,” you apologized quickly, bringing your hand to cover your mouth in shock, “I didn’t mean that. I’m sorry, it’s just… it’s hard listening to you talk about this when I can’t contribute to the conversation.”
“No, you’re right. I’m sorry for always talking about it,” your friend said, eyes softening when she heard how regretful you sounded, “How about we change the subject?”
She didn’t wait for your response before launching into a monologue about how classes were going and her upcoming finals. You tried listening to her, but your mind was still stuck on the previous topic. Of course it was unfortunate that you happened to be twenty and with no sexual experience, but it didn’t bother you before like it was bothering you right now.
Ideas began racing through your head of how you could rectify this, and that’s when the seed was planted.
Now, almost a year later, your carefully thought out plan was almost complete; though, ‘carefully’ could be more loosely translated to ‘reckless.’
You paced outside of Mat’s door, walking back and forth as you fiddled with your hands, working up the courage to knock. This was such a bad idea. You brought your hand up to the door, pausing before your fist made contact before bringing it back down and resuming your pacing.
After another five minutes of deep contemplation, you made your decision. You knocked on the door before you could second guess yourself, now bringing your hands to tug at the strands of your hair.
The few seconds it took for Mat to answer the door felt like a lifetime, and when he opened the door, you were met with a confused look.
“Y/N? What are you doing here?” He asked, peeking his head out of the door to glance down the hallway.
“Hi, I know you weren’t expecting me and you have to leave for practice soon, but I needed to talk to you about something,” you explained quickly.
Mat’s brows stayed furrowed in confusion, but he opened the door further to let you inside.
“Firstly, I just wanted to say that Anders doesn’t know I’m here, and I’d really appreciate it if you never mentioned it to him,” you said as he closed the door behind you.
Mat ushered you into his living room, gesturing for you to take a seat on the couch as he crossed his arms and waited for you to continue.
“This is going to sound absolutely crazy and you’re probably going to reject me but just hear me out,” you said, taking a deep sigh. He was totally going to shut you down, but there was no turning back now.
“I wanted to ask you if you’d have sex with me. You’d be doing me a favor as my friend. I’m kind of… a virgin… and I really don’t want to be anymore,” you took a breath to watch his reaction which was unreadable, “You’re probably thinking it’s a terrible idea, being that I’m Anders’s sister and everything, but I promise I won’t say anything to him. I just want to get a little experience under my belt… it’s kind of embarrassing. Anyway, I just wanted to ask if you’d give me a few lessons or something.”
You raised your eyes to meet Mat’s as you finished your rant, worrying about what he was going to say. A long silence fell between you two as he processed what you said.
“Uh… I don’t really know what to say,” he started awkwardly, bringing his hand to rub at the back of his neck, “I’m honored, I guess? That you asked me to help, but I’m just a little confused since we don’t really know each other.”
Okay, you could give him that. It was true that you weren’t the closest of friends, but you’d met on a handful occasions. It’s not like you were complete strangers, but other than knowing what you were studying in school and that you were Anders’s much younger sister, he didn’t know much about you.
“That’s fair,” you said, “I asked you because, well, you’re obviously hot which I’m sure you know. Also, not knowing each other is what makes this perfect. I’m not attached to you in any way and vice versa. Honestly? You’re one of the few guys in town that I feel comfortable around, so it was either ask you or find a random Tinder hookup and have to do this speech all over again but ten times as awkward.”
Mat didn’t like the last part of that explanation: the whole ‘random Tinder hookup to take your virginity’ part. He may not have known you that well, but he knew you were a nice girl and deserved to be more than just a notch on the bedpost of someone who didn’t care about you.
“I know you’re probably thinking I’m insane, and I get it. I felt a little insane when I thought about this too. But I really feel like you’re the best option. I understand if you think it’s too weird, though,” you said when he hadn’t replied. Your eyes watched him as he sat still as a rock across from you.
“I… I have to leave for practice soon,” was the only thing he responded with.
You felt your heart drop at his statement. Of course he was going to say no, you were an idiot for even trying.
“Yeah, totally, I’ll get going,” you said quickly, gathering your stuff and making your way to the entrance.
When you reached the door, you turned back one last time to see him still in the same position.
“Can you not tell Anders, please? I know this was a crazy, stupid idea but… just don’t tell him, okay? He doesn’t need to know about my sex… well, lack of sex life,” you added before shutting the door behind you.
-
Mat had lost his mind.
Truly and honestly, he had lost his mind if he was even considering your proposition. Which he was. He was really considering your proposition, and he wanted to punch himself for it.
He couldn’t possibly agree to this, could he? You were the captain’s younger sister. Sure, you two weren’t the closest of siblings, but the code still applied. And the code clearly said he was not allowed to fraternize with relatives of his teammates in any way. He hadn’t broken this rule yet, and he couldn’t believe he was even thinking about breaking it now.
Inside his head, he weighed the pros and the cons of sleeping with you. Well, teaching you would be a better phrase. If Mat was being honest, he had blacked out after the terms ‘virgin’ and ‘have sex with me’ fell from your lips. He watched you from his spot on the couch, his eyes following your mouth but not processing the words you were saying. Truthfully, he ran over the conversation a million times in his head and he wasn’t sure he was actually processing them now.
You wanted him to take your virginity. You wanted him to give you experience. You called them lessons.
You were, quite literally, asking him to be your sex tutor.
When you left the apartment, he did what he did best. He compartmentalized. Instead of thinking about the awkward conversation he just had with you, he pushed all thoughts of you from his mind and went to practice. For a whole three hours he focused on hockey. He even had the courage to look at his captain despite the weird interaction he’d just had with his sister.
But then practice was over, and Mat was left with nothing to do but think about what you said. Thinking turned into contemplating, and contemplating eventually turned into pulling up your Instagram page.
Mat typed and retyped the message a million times, deleting it before he could accidentally pressed send. He went back and forth between wanting to say yes and throwing his phone as far away from him so he wouldn’t be tempted.
What could be the worst thing that happened? He thought.
A million bad things could happen. He knew this deep in his heart that it was, for all intents and purposes, the worst idea ever to teach his captain’s sister how to have sex, but his head and desire to get laid had other plans.
So, he picked up his phone one last time and composed the same message he’d written a hundred times.
to @yourusername: does your offer still stand? text me 212-203-3849
-
For the second time in a week, you were pacing outside of Mat’s apartment. You’d received his message almost six days ago, and now here you were.
Your chest nearly collapsed with relief when you’d seen he wanted to take you up on your offer. And then your stomach filled with butterflies, nerves wracking your body as you now had an official plan to lose your virginity.
You eagerly liked the message, dialing his number in your phone so you could hash out the details over text. He promised you two would go over some ground rules in person, saying it felt too weird to have a written contract or something over text. You agreed to his plans and set a date to go over to his apartment that following weekend.
Feeling more courageous than you did a week ago, you knocked on the door with confidence this time. If you were going to lose your virginity tonight, you weren’t going to look like a frightened kitten when you did.
Mat greeted you with a warm smile this time, his eyes lighting up when he saw you. Same as last time, he ushered you into his apartment and directed you towards his couch.
“Do you want anything to drink? I was about to open a bottle of wine,” Mat asked, already moving to the kitchen.
“Yeah, wine would be great. Thanks,” you replied, taking a seat on the edge of the couch.
Mat tinkered around in the kitchen for a couple minutes before he joined you, handing you a glass of red. You took a long sip as he settled down, hoping the wine would work fast to calm your nerves.
“So, what did you want to discuss first?” He asked after a moment.
“Well, we should probably have some ground rules. I was thinking that since you’re the expert and all, you should decide how these lessons go. Oh, and I think that we should keep this to a three-time thing. Anything more than that will probably get more complicated,” you answered with ease. Not to say you had spent the past week thinking about what you were going to say, but you definitely did.
Mat nodded in agreement at your suggestions before adding his own.
“Yeah, that sounds good. Also, we can’t tell anyone about this because, you know, your brother and the team and all,” he said. You hummed in response, that much was a given. No one could know about this.
“So, where do we start? Should I take off my clothes or?” You asked.
“No,” he said with a chuckle, “We’re going to watch a movie.”
“That’s it?”
“That’s it. For now at least.”
You hadn’t known what you were expecting, but it was not a cuddle session on his couch. You imagined that maybe he would’ve just ripped your clothes off the minute you walked in to get down to business, but he was being way more casual than you were feeling. Which was probably a good thing because your heart was beating a thousand beats a minute, so at least one of you had this situation under control.
Mat had told you to dress comfortably as he didn’t plan on leaving the apartment, and he was dressed in a similar fashion as you: gray sweatpants with a dark blue t-shirt. You had thrown on a pair of leggings and a shirt from your college before leaving, making sure to wear at least a nice bralette and pair of panties underneath.
He drank down the rest of his wine before adjusting himself on the couch, moving into a position where he was laying down. Grabbing the blanket folded on the back cushion, he spread it out over his body before patting the spot in front of him. Normally, you would’ve been intimidated by a bold move like this, but the wide smile on his face indicated that he was perfectly comfortable right now, and his ease surrounded you in waves.
Slamming back the rest of your wine, you lay down in front of him, tucking your body against his while his arms pulled your chest closer.
“Anything specific you want to watch?” He asked, using his free hand to grab the remote. You muttered a quiet ‘no,’ allowing him to go ahead and choose. Mat scrolled through the Netflix options before settling on a new action movie.
“So, how much experience do you have exactly?” Mat asked once the introduction credits had finished. It was a good thing he wasn’t looking at you because your face heated up in embarrassment.
“I’ve only ever got as far as making out,” you muttered.
“No one’s ever touched you then?” He prodded.
“No,” you replied, your cheeks on fire. You couldn’t see him, but Mat nodded in response against the back of your head, letting out a quiet ‘okay.’
It wasn’t the first time Mat had been with a virgin, but that hadn’t been since high school and when he also wasn’t that experienced himself. Mat decided to let the movie play for a little bit longer before making his first move.
That time came when there was a particularly slow scene on. Slowly, he lifted up the hem of your t-shirt and slid his hand underneath, tracing small circles on the skin of your stomach. You clenched your thighs together as a warm feeling started to spread throughout your body.
It was happening.
Mat kept his hands there for a few minutes, inching up so slowly you almost couldn’t tell he’d moved at all. When the initial shock of his touch settled, you tried to refocus your attention to the movie.
Another ten minutes passed before Mat made his next move. Almost imperceptibly, he used his elbow to push his torso up before he brushed the hair covering your neck to the side. You felt his fingertips brush your ear, a shiver running up your spine. He brought his lips to your neck a split second later, placing a soft kiss against it.
Your eyes briefly shut for a second, reveling in the fact that Mat’s lips were on your neck. He kissed around your jaw a couple times before the hand on his stomach was shifting you to rest on your back. Your body followed his lead and your eyes met his hazel ones before he was leaning in to kiss your lips.
A heat unfurled in your body the second your lips connected and you eagerly moved yours against his. One of Mat’s hands had moved to the back of your neck to tilt your head at a better angle, the other hand moving further up under your shirt to rest just below your bra clasp. Your body involuntarily arched up into his hands as his tongue slipped out to part your lips. You opened your mouth and his tongue entered immediately, tangling with yours. You and Mat lay on the couch for a good while, making out heavily before you eventually had to break it for air.
“At least you don’t have to worry about kissing. You’re a natural,” Mat commended with an airy chuckle, and you couldn’t help but laugh at his compliment.
Mat’s smile brightened at your laugh before he leaned back in, the heat building in your body at double speed. You knew you were attracted to him, but you didn’t think he would be able to wind you up this fast. Or maybe it was just because you’ve never had a man touch you like this before.
Breaking the kiss, Mat began to trail more kisses down your body, pausing near your collarbone when he heard a particular breathy gasp leave your mouth. Mat continued his path over your shirt until he reached your belly button.
“Can I take this off?” He asked, looking up at you.
“You can take mine off if you take yours off,” you replied with a seductive smirk. Mat pulled back from your body, matching your smirk with one of his own as he tore off his shirt. Less than a second later, he was tugging at the hem of yours, urging you to sit up so he could take it off.
Mat’s hands were back on your body right after he tossed your shirt on the floor. This time, he retraced his path down your torso with his mouth and tongue, leaving no patch of skin untouched. His fingers danced around the edge of your leggings, teasing you until you were lifting up your hips into his face.
“Please take them off, Mat,” you said through gasps, wanting nothing more than to be rid of your clothing. He chuckled lightly against your waistband, his nose tickling your abdomen before he began shimmying off your leggings.
Tilting your hips up, you helped him slide the pants down your legs along with your underwear. Though your cheeks flamed up at the thought of being exposed before Mat, you felt oddly calm (well, as calm as you can be given the circumstances) with him.
“Holy shit, baby. You’re soaked,” Mat noted with a deep groan. He shuffled his body further down the couch into a comfortable position, lifting one leg to hook over his shoulder.
You breathed in shaky breaths as Mat placed gentle kisses on your thighs, working upwards slowly until he reached your core. And when he used his tongue to lick a strip across your pussy, your back arched into the air as you let out a loud moan.
“You gotta stay still, Y/N,” Mat chuckled darkly, wrapping one hand to steady your middle.
“Sorry, never done this before,” you replied in gasps.
Now immobilized, Mat resumed his place between your legs, repeating the same series of licks before he closed his lips around your clit. He flicked his tongue across the sensitive area. God, you would have done this a long time ago if you knew it would feel this good. You weren’t sure if it was too early to feel the heat inside you build up this quickly or if Mat was just too good at this. You hoped it was the latter.
His tongue lapped at your folds, and your hands flew down to grasp his hair in need. You didn’t think you could moan any louder, but then he brought his thumb to your clit to rub in tight circles as his tongue teased your entrance.
“Holy fuck,” you whined out, canting your hips up as much as you could. You could feel his smirk against your pussy at your exclamation, bringing his hand down to slowly enter a finger into you.
You let out a surprised gasp as you felt the first finger penetrate you. Mat kept his attention on your clit, lips sucking harshly at it. You let yourself get lost in the pleasure, focusing on how good he was making you feel.
After a few thrusts of one finger, giving you plenty of time to adjust, he added a second, feeling your walls tighten around them. He moved both fingers in and out of you, alternating the pressure between your entrance and clit. Just when he hit the right spot inside you, your hand tugged on his hair tightly, and he took the hint to curl his fingers against that spot.
“I’m so close, Mat,” you moaned, tossing your head back into the pillow.
“What do you need, baby?” He asked, pulling back for a quick breath. You glanced down to meet his gaze, taking in the way his chin glistened from your pussy. The view made you moan lowly, and his eyes darkened at the sound.
“Your tongue, please,” you begged quietly.
Mat heard the words leave your mouth and nestled his face back between your legs, tongue sliding up your slit in response. In rhythm with stroking your g-spot, he sucked at your clit, and it was mere seconds before your body coiled tightly inside. He kept the same pace and before long, you felt yourself crest the peak and then fall.
Mat removed his fingers slowly from your entrance, his tongue licking softly at your folds until he felt your breathing return to normal. It took you a few seconds to regain your sense of self, stars still whirling in the corners of your vision. When you finally felt yourself grounded on Earth again, you opened your eyes to see a self-satisfied smirk on Mat’s face.
“You’re so hot when you come,” he said when you met his gaze, and had you not been riding high on cloud nine when he said this, you might have blushed in embarrassment. But you weren’t embarrassed right now. The only thing you felt was giddy. Giddy because you were one step closer to your end goal.
And while you were blissed out, you dropped your gaze to notice the extremely visible bulge tenting in his sweatpants. Focused on a new task, you sat up quickly before leaning over Mat’s body so you could return the favor. Your lips crashed against his in a frenzy, your hands clumsily reaching down to grasp his length. However, you only got to feel it for a second before Mat’s hand was tugging it away.
“Not tonight, babe. Tonight was about you,” Mat said with a strained voice, breaking the kiss to look at you.
“What do you mean? We’re not having sex tonight?” You asked in confusion, your head still a little hazy from the orgasm.
“No, we’re not,” he laughed, noticing the wantonness in your voice, “You said I’m in charge, right? This was already a lot for one night, so we’ll put off the sex until next time.”
You nodded your head, though you weren’t really understanding. It made sense. Tonight was a very big step for you, and he didn’t want to give you too much at once. But despite that, your pussy was begging for a repeat performance and you were so far gone you were willing to do just about anything Mat would say.
“What about you, though?” You asked, glancing down to the noticeable tent.
“I’ll be fine, I promise. We still have two more lessons. There’s plenty of time for that later,” he replied, though the bulge between you seemed to say otherwise.
“Promise you’re okay?” You insisted.
“I swear, Y/N,” he said with a chuckle.
A comfortable silence fell between you after that, and you couldn’t help the wide smile that spread across your face. Your eyes sparkled with renewed purpose, and you felt satisfied for the first time in a long time. A smile of Mat’s own slowly appeared on his face as he watched you light up before him. Before you could stop yourself, you threw yourself into him, wrapping your arms tightly around his neck.
“Thank you, Mat. Thank you, thank you, thank you,” You said happily, punctuating each ‘thank you’ with a loud smacking kiss on his cheek.
When you pulled back to give him that award-winning smile again, Mat had one thought.
He was totally fucked.
770 notes · View notes
tuanhood · 4 years
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theta
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pairing: frat!bambam x reader
genre: smut
warnings: 18+, language, cringey frat stuff, fingering
word count: 4,400+ 
summary: you haven’t been doing so well in stats, so your tutor - the last person you thought would be teaching you something - recommends giving you an incentive. 
a/n: hi guys! i’m a little late... but it’s kinda technically still the weekend? ngl this definitely isn’t my best work and I’m sorry for that because I feel like I’ve been lacking a little bit lately! but i promise that i have a few things in the works that will hopefully be better! but nonetheless enjoY! 
lambda | alpha | delta | gamma | kappa | sigma
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“Okay so in a college class, the average IQ is 115. Assuming that the distribution is normal and that the standard deviation is 15. What percentage of the class has an IQ between 105 and 130?” 
You felt like you were going to die. 
When you were a little girl, you’d fantasize about all the fun and cool things you’d be able to do in college. Stay up late, hang out with your friends all the time, eat whatever you wanted, and take the classes that would help you become the best-selling author you aspired to be. 
In all of those daydreams and fantasies, you never pictured yourself in practical agony studying for a statistics class that you never wanted to take in the first place. You were more of an English and critical analysis girl, definitely not a science and math girl. Especially not stats. 
You told yourself probably a hundred times throughout the quarter that you could make it through. That you could maybe actually do this, but sometime between weeks three and four you got completely lost and when you received your midterm grade back, you knew you had to ask for help. 
“I don’t fucking know,” you exhaled in frustration as you practically slammed your head down onto the table in front of you. 
There’s a pause before Bambam lets out a sigh of his own, “let’s come back to that one later then.” 
This was how most of your sessions with Bambam went. He’d read the questions out loud to you as if was going to help, hope that you’d be able to solve it – which you typically wouldn’t – and then you’d give up in frustration. Then you’d call it a day. 
That was another thing. Another thing that made this whole tutoring thing even worse – you were being tutored by Bambam. As in Bambam of Theta Chi.
As dumb as you felt saying it, but you felt even more pathetic for having to be so terrible at stats that you have to be tutored by a frat boy. Sure he came highly recommended by the people at your school that put together and pair people off for the tutoring sessions, but it didn’t get rid of the pain you felt when you had to tell your friends who exactly was helping you pass stats. Or… at least trying to help. 
“Okay, so what is the probability of rolling snake eyes using two fair dice?”
Maybe you were being shallow, but even his voice screamed frat guy and not the master of statistics who is now teaching his peers. You don’t know why but it aggravated you. Traditionally he wasn’t supposed to be good at these kinds of things, someone like you was. It didn’t make sense. 
You groaned, your head still on the table, muffled by the surface, “I don’t know? 1/36?” 
At your answer, you could feel Bambam straighten up beside you. You had to admit the boy was a trooper for being willing to meet you at your apartment today instead of your usual spot in the library or at Starbucks. You just couldn’t be bothered to make the trek to campus, if you were going to have another agonizing day of probability, deviation, and whatever – it was going to be from the comfort of your living room floor. 
“Correct! See Y/N you’re not a lost cause.”
Bringing your head up from the coffee table, you grimace at him, “I never said I was a lost cause.” 
His cheeks turned a shade of light pink, clearly embarrassed by his statement, but being the cool and easygoing frat guy, he is – he covers it up, “I know. Dude, I’m just saying, chill.” Leave it to Bambam to cover up any real emotions. 
Even though it was frustrating that you were being tutored by a guy in Theta Chi and you felt lame whenever you admitted to anyone, it didn’t necessarily mean that you had anything against Bambam. Before he had started tutoring you, the encounters you had with Bambam were fine – certainly not an “oh my god you are so freaking annoying” situation. They were minimal of course, just a hello or a how are you at various school events or parties. You didn’t hate him, which was why at the beginning between the studying you had tried to talk to him and get to know him. But he never said anything real or authentic – it always felt like he was putting on some kind of ultra-frat boy act for you. Whenever you asked questions about him, things he liked to do, what he was studying or his family he would simply shy away from it and talk about Theta Chi. You didn’t get it. 
“Bambam is so freaking deep. I had a two-hour drunk conversation with him at Theta Chi’s party last weekend and my mind has been opened.” Your friend had told you when you told her about him tutoring you. 
So what? Did he have to be drunk to want to talk to you about something other than probability? Or was it just that he didn’t want to talk to you? You couldn’t put your finger on it, but it bothered you a little too much for some unexplainable reason.
“I am chill,” you confirmed with him – a bit too bitterly. You couldn’t tell if your annoyance came from the ongoing frustration of not understanding stats regardless of how many times you’ve met with Bambam or the fact that he was constantly shying away from you two actually getting to know each other. 
“Well…” he began suddenly, swallowing almost nervously, “what if we work on a rewards-based system?” 
You scoffed at him, “what am I? A child?” 
“Do you want me to answer that? Listen… all I’m saying is that rewards or a prize can be a good motivator sometimes. It definitely can’t hurt the studying process.” 
There was a part of you that felt annoyed at Bambam for thinking that the only way that you were going to understand any of this was through some kind of incentive. An incentive that had nothing to do with your overall goal which was to not fail the class. However, you had to admit you were curious as to what Bambam could bring to the table when it came to “rewards,” so you decided to play along – for now.
“What kind of motivators are we talking about?” 
For a second you swear you see Bambam fidget nervously in his seat, but it happens so quickly, you’re sure it must be your brain playing a trick on you, “I don’t know… I’m literally the co-social chair of Theta Chi so I pretty much can get you whatever you want. Booze, drugs… sex.” 
At his last “category” for rewards, your interest is peeked, but not in a weird or perverted way – you swear, “what the social chair orchestrates and plans sexual encounters now?” 
He laughed and shakes his head, “definitely not. I’m just saying… If there was anyone you were interested in at Theta Chi… I could probably set it up for you. I mean you’re definitely not bad looking so I don’t think it would be difficult.” 
You were half pleased by Bambam’s compliment and intrigued that by the fact that it seemed like perhaps his “non-tutoring” personality was emerging from the surface. It caused you to push more regarding his “reward” if it meant that you could see more of it, “So what? I solve the next equation and I get to fuck Im Jaebeom? Is that how this works?” 
He clicked his tongue, “Jaebeom, huh? Wouldn’t have thought he would be your type.”
For some reason, you suddenly felt a wave of nervousness rush through your body and you feel defensive as though you have to explain yourself for some reason, “No- I mean it was just an example.” 
Bambam nodded his slowly and looked away from you for the first time since he brought up the incentive thing. His focus goes back to the textbook in front of both of you, “It’s okay if he is. Jaebeom’s a chill guy.” 
You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion, for a moment there you almost got a hint of something from him. You weren’t quite sure as to what, but it almost felt like he was… jealous? But then he has to cower away and go back to stats… That was technically why he was sitting in your living room, but right now this seemed like the least important thing going on.
“What is it with you and chill? Does everything need to be chill? Why can’t you just be… normal?” 
He laughed at your query, “What if being chill is normal for some people?”  
You grabbed the pencil in front of you and tapped it on the table rhythmically in thought, “Chill people aren’t masters at stats. That’s just a fact.” 
Bambam’s face goes into fake shock, “really? Damn well, I guess that’s why you haven’t learned anything the last month that we’ve been doing this.”
It’s obvious that it was meant as a playful dig, to tease you, but Bambam feels his heart race when you simply frown in response instead of laugh. It was clear that he had gone too far. This was the thing he had been most worried about this entire time he had been tutoring you. 
He had heard from one of his brothers in Theta who knew a friend of yours that you felt embarrassed by being tutored by a frat guy – by him. Hearing that certainly didn’t make him feel good, but he tried his best to help you the last month or so. He didn’t want to do or say anything that could allude to “frat guy” behavior – so most of the time he tried to keep conversations statistics related. Part of him felt like it was because he was offended by your embarrassment, but another part of him felt like it was maybe because he wanted to impress you. He wanted to prove that he wasn’t the typical frat guy because you probably didn’t like that. 
But he had to admit… in certain ways, he was the typical frat guy and restricting that part of himself meant restricting segments of his personality. The teasing – that was apart of it. 
“Shit – y/n I’m sorry I didn’t actually mean it. I meant it more like-”
At his quick and panicked response, you burst out into a fit of giggles, “dude I can be chill too. I was just fucking with you. Now come on… let’s keep working, I want my prize.” 
Bambam lets out a sigh in relief. Maybe he had misjudged you, “so you do want a reward?” 
“Of course, I want a reward.”
He licked his lips in thought and you have to admit it’s hard not to stare, “okay what should we start with?” 
You began to tap the pencil on your chin instead of the table, thinking about what exactly it was you wanted. When you finally have your grand prize in mind, you figure it’s better to start small. 
“I don’t want to be charged cover at any future Theta Chi parties.” 
He looked at you with surprise written on his face, “you go to our parties?” 
You rolled your eyes at him as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, he can’t help but admire how cute you look when you do it, “of course. They’re the biggest parties on campus… why wouldn’t I go?” 
Bambam shrugged, “I just didn’t think you liked frat stuff…” drifting off he looks to see the confusion written on your face and he doesn’t know why, but for some reason, he feels the need to keep talking, “Unless it’s for Jaebeom.” Immediately he wants to punch himself in the face for his continual teasing.
You thought it was funny how he was stuck on the Jaebeom thing. You had just said his name as an example – something you already explained to Bambam – but for some reason, it seemed to bother him. Bambam was more your type than Jaebeom, but it would have been weird if you had brought him up as an example.
“What was that?” 
His voice causes your body to jolt up in surprise. Had he heard you? No way.
“Y/N what did you just say?” Bambam asked once again.
The second question regarding what you had just said sends you into a frenzy, considering he was the last person who had just said something based on your recollection. Therefore… he fucking heard you. 
“Did I say that out loud?” You asked embarrassed and judging on the look on Bambam’s face – you have your answer. 
You felt your mouth go dry, “I- shit… Bam I didn’t mean- Well I mean I did, but- Fuck I-” you cut off your stuttering with nervous laughter and you feel more awkward than you’ve probably ever felt in your adult life. 
Rather than saying anything, Bambam looks at you curiously. A hint of a smile appears on his face but soon disappears as if he’s thought of an idea or just something. Hopefully, an idea to get me out of this, you think to yourself. Instead, he scoots closer next to you on the floor and for a moment you have to remind yourself to exhale. 
“Instead of the cover as your reward… What about…” he begins, placing his right hand onto your thigh, “this? Is this okay?” If you had to keep your breathing in check just when he moved closer to you, then you felt like you were going to need to be resuscitated now. 
Rather than verbally answering, you nodded your head, afraid to open your mouth in case the wrong thing came out.
Keeping his hand placed firmly on your thigh, he asked you the next question, “Suppose X and Y are independent random variables. The variance of X is equal to 16; and the variance of Y is equal to 9. Let Z = X – Y. What is the standard deviation of Z?” 
It’s becoming harder to concentrate. All you can focus on is the placement of his hand on your thigh and when you don’t answer right away, he begins to move it up and down your leg. 
“Come on, I know you can do this one,” he said softly. 
You couldn’t believe that your tutoring session was now taking a sharp turn – a turn that you had to admit you were now craving – but Bambam was still expecting you to be focused enough to answer questions. You weren’t able to typically do it even when you didn’t have his hand on you. 
It’s almost as though you’re on autopilot as you put your pencil to paper and work out the problem. The only thing on your mind is the curiosity of what his next move will be if you answer him correctly. 
“5?” 
He gives you your answer by drifting his hand up your thigh until it sits at the top of your thigh, dangerously close to your core. You wonder if he can tell how damp you’ve become, even with the sweatpants you’re wearing. It was probably evident just by looking at your face. 
“A coin is tossed three times. What’s the probability that it lands on heads exactly one time?” 
This was becoming frustrating. How the fuck were you getting turned on by him asking you stats questions? You felt like your brain was about to explode with how completely mixed up it felt. The cause of your stress for the entire quarter was now the cause of you being turned on? Your mind was currently rewiring itself.
For this question, it takes you some time to focus enough to work it out and calculate. Bambam who is usually patient with you when you struggle, has instead been replaced with a much more impatient version of himself as he slips his hand up to the waistband of your sweatpants, delicately playing with the top to tease you, you suddenly wished you would have worn better underwear for what’s about to happen. If you could answer the question that is. 
Just as you feel as though you’ve come to the end of the problem, you feel him dip a single finger underneath the top of the band, rubbing it softly against your stomach. It causes your hand to slip up on the paper, drawing a line right through your problem. 
“What’s wrong?” He asked innocently, completely aware of what he was doing to you, “do you need help?” 
You shook your head in response, unable to say anything. It was becoming more and more difficult to even get your hand to move fluidly on the paper. It was instead starting to get more jagged. Your fives were beginning to look more like threes. When you’ve finally solved the problem, you find yourself pointing at the paper for Bambam to look at your answer. He laughed. 
“Correct again. You’re doing so well,” he murmured as he finally dips his hand beneath the band of your sweatpants and down to your panties. You sucked a deep breath in, waiting in anticipation for his next actions, feeling him so much closer to where you need him the most, but instead, his hand just rests there, over the material. 
Letting a very out of character whine escape your lips causes him to chuckle. “Do you think you can have your reward that fast? No, no,” he tutted, “you have to finish answering all the questions like a good girl.” 
You try so hard to remember the next question he asks, but he soon begins gently rubbing you through your panties and it makes you want to kill him for playing so dirty. How were you able to solve any problems when it felt like an actual ocean was forming in your underwear? You knew Bambam could feel it too with the way his gaze on you got even darker, one of his fingers wandering to the side of your panties, playing with the hem but not daring to slip underneath. 
What the fuck was the question? 
“Having trouble angel?” 
He doesn’t give you time to answer – even if he did you weren’t sure you’d be able to provide him with one – instead, he slips his hand underneath your panties until his fingers find your entrance, slowly stroking up and down. You let out a moan when he’s left his index finger on your clit, rubbing small circles around the bundle of nerves. 
“It can’t be that hard to remember a simple question. Is something distracting you?”
Another sigh of pleasure is released from you when he presses down a bit to place more pressure on your clit, “I’ll ask you one more time. You have to remember this time or you lose your reward, okay? Are you listening?” 
Nodding your head, he smiled, “The standard normal curve is symmetric about 0 and the total area under it is 1. True or False?” 
Bambam himself was losing his patience, he so badly wanted to bring you to your release and see how tight you get around his fingers, how much you ask him for it. He had to admit that wasn’t the original question he had asked you, but at this rate, he just wanted to ask you the easier questions so both of you could get what you wanted. 
“T-True?” You managed to stutter out.
“Doing so well for me,” he whispered into your ear at your response. The teasing had been so achingly painful that when he finally fully inserts his pointer finger you feel like a kid on Christmas. You feel as though you can finally let out the breath you had been holding in since he started the taunting. 
The pace he starts with is clearly another method to get you worked up – which you certainly are – but you also felt thankful that at least it was something compared to the nothing you were getting from him previously. When he curls his finger, hitting you in the spot that drives you crazy, you felt your body instinctively jerk forward in surprise. He had found it so fast and with such ease, you wondered if the two of you had down this before in another life.  
“Bam, I-” you begin, but as his thumb draws circles over your clit, you ultimately lose your train of thought and fall even closer into him, until your head is resting on his shoulder.
“There’s one more question left… Do you think you can handle it?” 
The whimper you let out sounds borderline inhumane and in any other situation you would be frustrated with yourself for giving in so quickly, but right now you didn’t care. All you needed was him to keep going – to really give you your reward. The noise is enough for him to dive into the last question and you feel like you’re gonna pass out at the way he begins to rhythmically tap your clit, his finger now going stagnant.
His eyes drift down to the textbook on the table, gazing through which questions on the page are still viable to be asked. After a moment he locks eyes with you, the tapping still consistent. 
For a moment he looks shy and despite his previous teasing, you feel your heart leap out of your chest in deep want and longing. It’s a weird feeling you have to admit, but somehow it feels just right. 
“What’s the probability of you going out on a date with me after this?” Bambam blushed when he asked you his query and for some reason, he feels so small being in front of you – asking this – despite his current position with his hand in between your legs. 
You, on the other hand, have no trouble answering this final question. The question that’ll get you your reward and perhaps something else entirely. 
“Without a doubt, 100% chance.” 
The smile that emerged on his face is so big, you take a picture of it in your mind, wanting to keep it safe and bottle it up to view later, a hundred times over. 
He slipped in another finger, watching your face as it contorts into even more pleasure, “there we go.” 
You felt a groan arise in your throat as soon as he began to pick up the original pace of his sole finger. With both of them curling and pumping in and out of you, you felt even more overwhelmed than before. Bambam smirked, taking in your tightly shut eyes, “Good?” Opening your eyes, you felt your climax right around the corner, only able to moan his name in response to his question. “I’ll take that as a yes,” he murmured, leaning in to place his lips on your own.
Somehow, the pace of his fingers only increased, practically fucking into you over and over, hitting your g-spot each time. Even though you were sat on the floor, already mostly leaning onto Bambam for support, you still felt as though you could melt into the floor. With a final few pumps that hit your sweet spot and his thumb still massaging your clit, you feel your walls tighten around his fingers. “That’s it, good girl,” he said against your lips.  
Soon you fall apart, feeling as though there’s no breath left in your body, your body falling practically limp at your release around Bambam’s fingers. He takes a moment to slip his hand out from between your legs and you don’t ignore the feeling you get in your core again when he slowly places his fingers in his mouth. 
You groaned, feeling like you were practically in a sedative state at how relaxed your release made you feel, “do you have to do that?” 
Bambam narrowed his eyebrows in confusion, “what do you mean?” 
“Be so damn seductive.” 
The two of you look at each other before bursting into laughter at your very serious confession. After a moment when it’s silent you look down at your lap to realize that somewhere during your encounter with Bambam, your sweatpants managed to slip down to the bottom of your thighs. 
“I should probably go get cleaned up…” 
Bambam coughed awkwardly and turned to his things on the coffee table, “yeah… I guess I should probably just get my stuff together too and get out of your hair.” 
Get out of your hair? Who the fuck says that Bam? He asked himself. 
You looked at him with confusion, “I thought you were taking me out? Remember? 100% chance? I mean… unless you didn’t mean it…” 
His eyes went big, “No!” he exclaimed, “I definitely meant it! I just didn’t know if maybe you said it in the moment and- Or I don’t maybe you did mean it- but also if you didn’t that’s cool. Just so you know I would have still given you your- uh reward if you had said no- Sorry I’m rambling. I ramble when I get nervous.” 
When he stops talking, he instantly avoids your gaze. This was the Bambam you wanted to see. This display of authenticity made you feel as though the curtain had finally been drawn. 
“I said it because it was true. The likeliness was 100%. Give me like 15 minutes and I’ll be ready to go,” just as you’re about to head to the stairs, you stop yourself and remember why the two of you were even here in the first place, “shit stats…” 
Instantly, Bambam shakes his head, “if you think we’re going to go back to probability, standard deviation, and bullshit right now after what just happened you are very mistaken. We’ve done enough… work for today.” 
Smiling, you nodded your head in confirmation and begin to go up the stairs to your room. Considering something, you find yourself stopping on the third stop, turning towards the living room where Bambam looks up at you with his head cocked to the side. 
“You picked easier questions towards the end on purpose, didn’t you?” 
He let out a laugh and grinned – another smile that you decided to file away in your memories, something that you figured might soon become a regular part of your life. 
“Let’s just say that I wanted to give you your reward as much as you wanted to have it.”
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ready-to-obeyme · 4 years
Text
[OM!] (American) College!AU Demon Brothers
Scenario: Headcanons on the demon brothers as college students (specifically in the US because I don’t know how college works elsewhere), their possible majors, career goals, extracurriculars, ~GPA~ and whatever else I could think of + how meet you in college
Note: I’m hoping to do a Part 2 with the Undateables but honestly… we’ll see lol. This is based off something ~A~ and I thought of for our specific university but we’ve made it broad enough to share HAHA this turned out VERY long
Lucifer
Majoring in Political Sciences with a minor in Psychology
Pre-Law-- most likely immigration law or child custody (there’s definitely a backstory here)
Initially went to community college for the first two years to save up money to take care of his younger siblings
Rejected an offer to go to an Ivy League because it was too expensive; if his siblings ever found out they’d be furious that he’d give up on that chance, but he knows he can succeed wherever he goes (and besides, family is first) 
Transferred into a 4-year university his junior year 
Very high GPA-- VERY
In a professional fraternity with Diavolo and Barbatos 
He didn’t think he’d join one either but Diavolo was the vice chair when he transferred in and the president the year after so… ~nepotism?~ and also Lucifer is charming as heck so no surprise he’d get in
Also rooms with Diavolo and Barbatos
Goes to the gym regularly just to keep fit; gets goaded by Diavolo and Satan into joining an IM team with his frat brothers and actual brothers-- probably basketball or flag football
Probably meets you at a interclub council meeting and mutters under his breath how useless the board members are and you overhear 
“Never have I met more incompetent people.”
“Lmao mood”
“!!!”
Keeps sitting next to you at every interclub meeting then after because at least there’s someone that can keep his mind stimulated (thinks you’re hot if you’re competent btw)
If you somehow meet him on campus, he’s the type of guy to put his hand up and pretend he didn’t see you (just kidding, he always ends up saying hi anyways) 
Will Absolutely Lecture You if you are procrastinating on studying especially if your midterm is, like, TOMORROW
Always ends up studying with him because he’s actually focused on studying and glares at you if you get distracted (but hey you get good scores in the end)
Mammon
Majoring in Business Econ/Economics, Minoring in Statistics
(always ends up in the middle of the “is econ a humanities or a STEM major” debate that leaves him left for dead) 
Planning to work in Business as Finance -- probably has been treasurer or finance director for a club; can even see him being a banker if it suits his plans better
Goes to a four-year university
Decent GPA (or Lucifer would absolutely destroy him), and does REALLY well in mathematics classes
Would room with Lucifer and his posse if they all go to the same school 
Probably in a Business Frat as well because he’s pretty charismatic when it comes down to it but  was an RA for some of his years for the free rooming and dining hall privileges 
Is a very chill and understanding RA (as in he smokes weed with you when he’s off-duty) but is surprisingly well-versed in dealing with roommate issues
Works part-time (gasp) to buy stuff off of Amazon and go out to places 
Spends a lot of time exploring places with his friends, going hiking, rock-climbing, clubbing-- which is expensive, as it turns out, so he needed to be able to afford it somehow
Meets you when you’re eating your lunch outside somewhere and he asks you if you have a dollar he could borrow for a vending machine snack
You exchange numbers with him so he can pay it back (even though you honestly don’t really need it, but why not) and turns out he’s in your GE class
“Heyyy wassup! So glad I have a friend in this class” 
“Oh by the way, did you finish the homework? Haha, I forgot it.” 
Mammon always repays you for your help in food though so you aren’t complaining
Leviathan
Majoring in Computer Sciences
And honestly that’s too much for me already-- the man is doing computer programming, coding-- WHEW-- and they do NOT rest
Goes to a community college but honestly has no problems cinching internships. The computer is his domain-- online applications are EASY, doing projects NOT as easy, interviews? HARD-- REALLY HARD (someone help him)
Probably intends to work with a big company like Google if only to help supply his income so he can live his life going to AX and buying merch 
Most likely moved out of his house mid-college with his online friends (who are luckily compatible with him living-space wise) and visits home once a week 
There’s two potential sides you can meet first: 
Either you meet him at a convention and you both gush about the same character and anime and somehow find each other online (not college related) 
Or his favorite Ruri-chan keychain gets broken off in the computer lab, and you’re the one running after him to give it him
He may or may not owe you his life after that (and if you enjoy anime, well that’s a bonus)
Both of these meetings can happen if he doesn’t recognize you in class because you were in cosplay-- imagine the surprise
The two of you as friends are MASTER PROCRASTINATORS at every assignment the two of you have-- so low-key not a great influence-- but you have fun together watching animes, playing games, talking about life-- anything but actual work 
Always ends up scrambling to finish things-- but he keeps doing it because it’s been working for him so far
You help him prepare for interviews because he’s always nervous before each one regardless of how well his application looks
Satan
Majoring in Comparative Literature AND Anthropology (ya boy is doing the whole nine yards)
Planning to get his Master’s and then a PhD in one of his majors (whichever proves to be more engaging for him)-- visibly excited to become a Professor
College was meant for Satan-- like REALLY; the man is in LOVE with learning; most likely to go and be accepted to an Ivy-League after Lucifer but... truly believes you can get a good education anywhere so it depends on his financial standing (and how much scholarship he gets)
Does get a little disgruntled when his classes aren’t available but doesn’t mind learning something new-- if the professor bores him to death, he’ll read the book
Really good at tutoring people; someone suggests that he works as a peer-learning facilitator/writing tutor and he does-- might as well make bank doing something you always do anyways   
Joins a writing/journal club as an extracurricular and a club that provides tutoring services to the underserved community-- surprisingly good with kids!
He knows friends in high places, so if he wanted to, could get into any party without batting an eye and his favorite professors love him
Spends a lot of his time going out to the city and exploring places, similarly to Mammon, rock-climbing, hiking, paragliding-- anything
He is VERY well-rounded as you can see; competes with Lucifer to see whose GPA is better though
You probably meet him during office hours, and you can only stare in awe as he asks questions that you had in mind, but better; if you’re visibly confused about something, he’ll take his time to help you too (it’s habit at this point)
Ask him for his contact info and you’ll get it, and maybe repay him in coffee? (You always see him at the cafe on campus.) 
Most likely to have a specific spot in a cafe that he is always at that the workers actually save a spot for him or give him his usual order before he even arrives-- may or may not have helped them edit their essays or with their homework as a thank-you so you KNOW they’ll love him forever
The type of person to help you make flashcards and cram if you need it
Asmodeus
Majoring in Dance and Fine Arts (I HC going to NYU specifically)
Considering going for an Master of Fine Arts degree but he might just move to New York and go for being a Broadway Star
College is mainly just training for him and hoping to land gigs in local theater-- and the university theater if there is one-- and building his resume for his big break 
Has SO many extracurriculars, all pertaining to his career choice, but also because he enjoys what he does: drama, competitive dance team, acapella, fashion design
Makes an unbelievable amount of friends, incredibly good at networking
The first time you saw him was when he was performing for a local theater and you were in love with his performance, and the next time you saw him in the hallway of a classroom building, you told him how much you enjoyed it
Always accepts compliments about his looks with grace, but there’s something about truly being admired for his acting and singing that has him preening
Invites you to come out to his next performance, and if not his, then to another play-- and it can be a date, but up to you ;) 
The man is the KING of Multiple Talents and has big dreams to match 
Always finds a way to hang out with you and drag you to every club that he can use his fake-id for (and when he’s actually 21 and above, gets a little offended that he doesn’t get ID’d) 
A night in the town with you is always a good night! 
Sometimes when he has practical exams coming up, he asks you to watch him perform-- and he likes your compliments but actually takes getting all the moves seriously so you better pay attention!
Most likely to move far away to reach his dreams, but he would take you with him if he could-- his little star
Beelzebub
Majoring in Physiological Sciences
Pre-Nursing or Pre-Sports Medicine 
He’s a little undecided, but he’s definitely going to go into the health field because he likes the idea of being able to use his strength to help others
Gets a scholarship from the university because he’s part of the football team, which is actually pretty hard on him because Fall Semester/Quarter he has to keep skipping classes for games  
Always brings a snack to eat with him during lecture-- and is not afraid to bring his entire lunch and make it right in the front row, though he tends to stick to the back because they tend to have electrical plugs 
You most likely meet him during lecture: he offers you an entire sandwich (not a chip bag, not fruit snacks, an entire LUNCH) because he heard your stomach growl during class 
From then on, you collect notes for him when he’s gone from games and even go to games if you aren’t usually the type to just to see how he’s doing; it’s hard trying to find you among the huge bleachers, but he always asks you where you’re sitting anyways 
Really appreciate it if you help him study into late at night because it IS hard balancing sports and academics 
He most likely doesn’t really have any time for anything else so he usually makes up for it during the rest of the year when training is less to volunteer in the hospital or at the gym as a personal trainer 
If you ask him to teach you how to properly lift weights, he’ll definitely help out and the both of you can work out together-- though you feel bad when he has to add four extra weights to each side after you finish your reps
Belphegor
Majoring in Computer Graphics/Animation
Intending to go into making animation or game design-- is one of the brothers who doesn’t really know exactly what he wants to do yet because he’s afraid that doing what he loves as a job will ruin it for him
His family reassures him that they’ll support him whether or not he continues with his path in life, but he’s considering art school and then taking internships in places so he has a better idea on what he wants
Most likely to sell his own original work and become a full-time artist regardless
I think you already know how you meet him-- he’s sleeping in a lecture hall-- either against the wall or on the small piece of wood they call a desk when class ends and he’s still sleeping; and you wake him up 
Sleepily thanks you and continues to sleep through every class that you wake him up to; when you ask him why he doesn’t just go home and sleep, he tells you he’s too lazy to walk back and forth from his dorm/apartment to campus (mood) 
When you add each other on Snapchat or something, he sends you pics of ‘places to nap’ on campus
You always end up studying together because he’s actually pretty good at understanding lecture stuff despite not being awake for most of it-- apparently he’s used to teaching himself 
Will make you art for your birthday and will vehemently refuse payment so he just tells you to take him out for dinner instead 
If you talk about how you’re not sure on what you want to do in life too, he’ll probably say ‘mood’ but is most likely to encourage you to do whatever you want to do in life too 
234 notes · View notes
savoies · 4 years
Text
Cliches - Carter Hart.
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Carter Hart x Reader.
Summary: Carter is the popular guy while Y/N is just the girl who keeps to herself. She starts tutoring him and they rekindle a friendship that they used to have which leads to even more after learning to trust each other again.
Word Count: 2.5k
Warning: maybe a bad word or two and hints of a bad home life.
A/N: Before anyone comes at me, yes this is like a walk to remember but with my ideas and a different take on that. But it does have the aspect of two opposites attracting. I really hope you guys like it.
Carter Hart was the residential popular boy at Lakeview High. Everyone knew him and he tried to know everyone. Carter was big on meeting new people and starting conversations wherever he was. He wasn't popular for being rude, being the football captain, or dating the head cheerleader. Carter was actually popular for being nice. Yes he did have a spot on the football team but he didn't think he was better than anyone else and treated everyone the same.
Y/N was the residential shy girl. She kept to herself and her life motto was the less social interactions the better. Y/N didn't perceive to be rude she just didn't like to put her walls down for people that would just walk away. She felt as though keeping to herself was the best option. She did put her walls down for her best friend but he just walked away after they both went into highschool.
Carter and Y/N had their fair share of interactions throughout highschool. But during their entire childhood they were glued to the hip. Carter was the only person that had seen Y/N be herself yet when they went into highschool that all changed. Carter joined the football team saying that he would still have enough time for his best friend. But after the first week Y/N was by herself and Carter was mostly with his new friends that included football players and cheerleaders.
Carter tried talking to Y/N, ok maybe not having a full blown conversation but sending a simple hello her way. But every time he tried she would walk the other way. She didn't want to deal with him. If he had ignored her all of freshman year, she could ignore a simple hello. As she walked to her english class she took a seat towards the middle where she could blend in. There was about ten minutes before class started so she buried her head in a book to avoid conversation. What brought back her attention though was Carter walking in with his friends laughing loudly. Y/N looked up and they made eye contact for a second. She smiled at him shyly and put her book away as the teacher walked in. 
Carter was failing english badly. If he didn't show up to class everyday he probably would've had a better grade than now. He needed to raise it up to play football or his spot would be given to someone else who had better grades. If he let it go down one bit more, then his whole football journey was over. Now he didn't want that and his teacher had talked to him about getting a tutor. Now Carter knew that getting a tutor probably meant that he would get stuck with some dude that only cared about homework. That is why he groaned at the idea but if it was supposed to help him so he was supposed to say yes right.
As class ended Carter headed up to the teachers desk as you packed up your stuff. You noticed that they were talking so you decided to pack up a bit quicker to leave and give them privacy. But as soon as you were gonna walk out the door your teacher called you.
“Y/N could you come here for a second please.” you put a smile on your face and headed back inside. “Mr. Hart here is in desperate need of an english tutor and I would like you to help him.” Those were the last words both of you guys wanted your teacher to say. Both of you interrupted them with banter.
“Why me, there're so many people in the class.” you said.
“Yeah i don't think that is gonna work out.” Carter said. It was like he was reading your mind.
“Well that's the only solution and there will be no further discussion exchange numbers and start as soon as possible.” your teacher said and pushed you out of their classroom. Little did Carter know that you never had the guts to erase his number.
“Here plug in your phone and i'll text you when i'm free.” Carter said, handing you his phone. Glad to know that he didnt save your phone number. You were kind of hurt but it didn't really matter right. It's not like you were going to call him. 
“Look Y/N, i'm sorr--.” before he could end his sentence and go on giving an apology you stopped him because right now you didnt want Carter’s pity. “I'm just helping you pass, I'm not trying to reconcile.” you said as you headed to the last place you wanted to go, home.
Today was the day that you were going to have your first tutoring session with Carter. You weren't too thrilled to say the least. But anything to get you out of your house for a bit. It was after school and you headed to the library to wait for Carter. You sat down at the table and waited for Carter. You thought maybe he would arrive in twenty minutes but after forty minutes of waiting you were getting irritated. He didn't even have the audacity of sending you a text that he was gonna be late. After one hour of waiting you decided that he had wasted enough of your time and you decided to pack up. That's when Carter came rushing in.
“Oh gosh Y/N, i know i'm sorry for making you wait but Coach decided to have an emergency meeting, i'm so sorry. Im here now.” Carter said exasperated.
“You could've at least sent a text.” you suggested.
“Coach doesnt let us use our phones.” Carter said hopeful that maybe you would stay cause he really didn't want to mess this up on the first day. You decided that he seemed like he was being honest so you shrugged your backpack off and took out the textbooks. After the next two hours of him studying his butt off, you decided it was time to wrap it up.
“Same time tomorrow and don't be late.” you said walking out into the now dark sky.
The next day Carter asked you to meet him in a cafe. You weren't sure why but you decided that a nice warm drink didn't sound too bad. So you headed over there after school and set up everything. After everything was laid out you thought it was the perfect time to order a drink before Carter got there. You ordered your usual hot beverage and were about to pay when Carter came up from behind you and told the barista “Oh and one cappuccino, thanks” he said, handing her his card. “Thanks you didn't have to do that.” Y/N smiled shyly at Carter. Maybe tutoring him wasn't going to be too bad.
“No problem, now where did we leave off on yesterday?”Carter said, actually sounding like he was excited to learn. After both of you guys got your drinks, there was less studying involved and more talking. Carter started talking to you about football and you liked how his eyes lit up when he talked about the subject. About one hour of just talking you decided that it was time to get back to studying  before it got too late. Before leaving the cafe, Y/N pulled out her favorite book out of her backpack. “Here I thought you might enjoy this, it's one of my favorites.”
“Thanks, I'll let you know when I finish it. Carter said, grabbing the book from the girl and their hands slightly brushing. 
A few days later you were in bed ready to go to sleep when your phone started ringing. You thought it was probably a unknown number so you let it ring, but after four rings and no signs of hanging up you decided to pick up.
“Hello” you said, sleepiness evident in your voice.
“Did I wake you up, sorry, I just wanted to let you know that I finished the book.” Carter's giddy voice was heard on the other side of the phone. His voice though had no sleep evident in it whatsoever.
“Look Carter, I don't want to sound rude but why couldn't you just wait till tomorrow to tell me, it's 12am?’ you asked him questionaly. The truth one he couldn't sleep all night, thinking about how finally things with you guys could be fixed. And he just wanted to hear your voice. 
“It was a really good book and i had to tell you, i'll see you tomorrow then.” he said hanging up the phone knowing that it was a bad time to call you but glad that you picked up. He took it as a sign that maybe your friendship could be restored.
The next day you headed to school and stopped at your locker to drop some stuff off. When you were pulling stuff out of your backpack. Carter approached from behind you. “Heres your book back” Carter spoke up.
“Shit Carter, you scared me.” you said as your notebook fell to the ground. 
“Sorry, just wondering if we were gonna meet up later.” Carter cluelessly asked.
“Well yeah, that's basically the agreement.” Y/N stated, kind of annoyed because he knew that they were supposed to meet mostly everyday due to the teachers orders. 
She got to the cafe where she sat at the same table as last time. As she waited for Carter she took everything out . The bell above the door rang signaling the arrival of someone, and it was Carter. They exchanged their hellos and got to tutoring. After what seemed like forever of studying, Carter decided to bring up a question that seemed to be bothering him all day. “So do you have a problem tutoring me or what, cause let me just say i'm not the biggest fan of this either.”
“What do you think Carter, that I think this is a fun way to spend my time, tutoring you.” giving the word you a deeper meaning. Carter was confused on what she meant.
“You really don't remember, you pretended I didn't exist.” the girl said, feeling more vulnerable than ever. 
“ You are the one who's always mad at me, you stopped talking to me, freshman year.” Carter told her, saying it in a way saying it was her fault.
"Really, on the first day of school you didn't see me down the hallway and then turn the other way.”  Y/N said pleadingly. At this point it seemed that they were competing seeing who could say it in the most hurtful way possible. 
“I didn't know what to say.” Carter said looking down.
“ How about hey Y/N, how's it going?” she said spitting it out a bit more harshly than she meant to. She couldn't take this right now, so she packed up her bag and headed out the door. Carter didn't really process what was going on until the ding  above the door signaled that she really had left. 
When you got home you heard the sound of yelling, crying, and the shattering of glass. You decided that the best option right now was just to lock yourself in your room and with your thoughts. You went to sleep listening to music and the next day you got ready for school.
As you were at your locker Carter appeared again. He saw the way that you looked tired and drained and even though you weren't on the best terms decided to ask you how you felt. “Hey, you ok?” he asked concerned. 
“No offense but I really don't want to talk about my personal life with my ex best friend.” you looked at him and shrugged your shoulders. Carter understood so he wasn't mad about it. 
“No tutoring today right? I'll see you in a couple days then.” he said waving goodbye. Even though you didn't really appreciate tutoring Carter you didn't really want to go home so you were kind of bummed out that there wasn't tutoring today.
 Two days later there you were at the same table with the same stuff laid out in front of you. Again waiting for Carter. He walked in and took a seat. “Before we start I just wanted to make sure that you're ok.” he said, looking concerned.
A slight blush appeared on your cheeks because even though he asked you the same question two days ago he was still concerned. “Like I said before, I don't really want to talk to my ex best friend about this.”
“Well then don't think about me as your ex best friend, think about me as your therapist.” you laughed but when he didn't laugh back you knew that he was serious. “Oh you're being serious.
“Yeah I am, now tell me what's wrong.” he said, getting all serious but it didn't last long because both of you burst out laughing. You liked this, just being able to laugh with him again. Like everything was back to normal. But everything wasn’t back to normal and it probably wouldn't but in the end you were having a good time.
After that day you tutoring Carter had become less of a task and more of something that you enjoyed. It had become less stressful and you actually felt like you guys had a good chance of repairing your friendship. Maybe even having the possibility of bringing it back to how it was before. Now that's the way you felt, but you weren't sure how Carter felt. Maybe for him this was just tutoring.
Now Carter saw that maybe he was slowly breaking down your walls again. He was slowly seeing the person you were in middle school again. He liked that. But he thought that maybe you just thought that this was something you felt obligated to do and nothing else.
The next day at school Carter was talking to his friends against their lockers. You were walking towards your locker when you heard the topic of conversation. Now you weren't trying to be all up in their business and invade their privacy but it seemed like they were talking about you.
“Oh look it's your little girlfriend, you're not gonna say hi.” one of the cheerleaders said in a snarky voice. All his “friends”  around him laughed at the girl's comment. 
 Carter thought that maybe if he went along with it, they would stop. “She isn't my type anyways, you know that all she is to me is my tutor so I can pass English and still be on the football team.” 
After Carter said that you knew that you should've said no to tutoring him and just told the teacher that you were too busy. “Im so stupid, i should’ve let him fail so he could see what its like to lose something just how I lost my best friend” you told youself as you wiped a tear with your sweater sleeve.
Well now you could tell that it seemed Carter didn't feel the same about your friendship finally getting a bit better or becoming reconciled. But deep down Carter knew that everytime he saw you his face would light up and that he was slowly falling hard for you. Yet he couldn't let his friends know because he knew that if they did find out they would just tease you and he didn't want that because you didn't deserve it.
taglist: @hartsyhart (thanks for all the help kan), @patty-cake-nolan (thanks for helping me with the title), @mitch-slap (thanks for all the support always), @summerko8, @barrettshayton, @leafsxhockeywrxtes​, @segsation​, & @idkwhyimhere19​.
186 notes · View notes
rachxllovxly · 5 years
Text
crush (knj)
Pairing: knj x reader (f)
Genre: Fluff, eventual smut
Word count: 1.7k
Synopsis: You’ve been best friends with Namjoon for a long time now, and hiding your feelings for him keeps getting harder every day.
(author’s note: i am not sure how many parts will be in this, definitely more than two, thats for sure, but i will keep you guys updated!)
It was a very sunny day right after classes ended, almost the end of the semester (thank the lord), and you decided to go spend some time in a coffee shop right off campus with your best friend, Kim Namjoon. You both met in middle school, and through all the middle and high school drama, you all still stuck through it all. It was surprising actually, since you’ve had a crush on him since about the ninth grade. Keeping it hidden was getting harder and harder since you both spent almost every day together. 
“What are you going to order? The usual?” Namjoon asked. 
“Uh... yeah that’s fine. I was gonna change it up today, but nothing seems that appealing anymore.” You went into a haze and didn’t even notice that he was trying to get your attention until the barista called your name.
“Y/N! Hello? Anyone home?” He laughed at your dazed face.
“What? Did you say anything? I’m sorry, I’m just so tired.” You gave a tired smile back to him.
“I asked you if you wanted to start studying for Professor Kim’s final. You know how crazy he is about his tests, kinda don’t wanna fail.” He trailed off.
“Oh heaven forbid the Kim Namjoon fail a test. But yes, I do want to study. I don’t wanna fail either.” You joked. 
You all both grabbed your binders, highlighters, and pens and opened his textbook. The way Professor Kim’s tests were laid out, made no since, and would almost surely drive a crazy person crazy. It is completely unjust, that one person can make a test so possibly hard. At this rate, you’ll need a 115% to at least get a C for the semester (which is passing), and there is a very good chance that you would not get that 115%.
“This is impossible. I’m gonna bomb this test. I’m just gonna drop out already, it’s not like my parents aren’t disappointed in me already.” You laid your head down on your binder and pretended to sob. Your know parents were undoubtedly so proud of you, but just for dramatic affect, okay.
“You’re not gonna fail the test, Y/N, you just need to refocus. What are you confused on?” He was always your go to study-buddy and tutor, ever since middle school.
“All of it! How is this fair, Joon. Can we just wrap this up today, please? I’m so tired.” You pleaded. 
“Of course. Don't prematurely stress yourself out. We’ll work some more on it this tomorrow.” You both started to pack your things up, chatting while doing so. 
“Are you going to Jackson’s party this weekend?” Joon asked.
“I wasn’t planning on it. Why?”
“Well... I was hoping that maybe you’d want to go. The boys and I are going. Jimin wanted me to ask you to go. If I’m being honest, I think he has a crush on you.” He laughed.
“He probably does. But i don’t know, Joon. I need to study.” You whined. You all pushed your chairs in and walked out of the cafe and started walking towards your dorms. 
“We can study on Sunday. I need to destress, you need to destress, we all need a break Y/N. Please? We can stay for a few hours then we can leave and get like, Taco Bell, or something.” He had convinced you.
“Okay fine. Four hours tops, then Taco Bell.” You both chatted some more, talking about all the other finals that were coming up, what you both would wear, the latest Jackson drama, the usual topics.
-
You got back to your dorm and decided to take a shower (sitting in two hour lecture really can make you sweaty) and let the hot water run over your tense shoulder muscles. You never really realized how tense you had been until you finally try to relax and can’t. 
Changing into some shorts and an oversized tee, you climbed into your bed and fell asleep almost instantly. 
You woke up around two in the morning, your roommate, Jennie, sleeping across the room.
hey, are you awake? 2:05AM
yeah why? 2:06AM
can i come over? jennie is sleeping. 2:06AM
yep. door is unlocked 2:07AM
You made your way four doors down to Namjoon’s and Hobi’s room, hoping that Hobi wouldn’t be there. You opened the door to a studying Joon and Hobi. “What’s up, losers.” You yawned.
“Why are you awake this late? You’re usually asleep right now.” Hobi commented.
“I fell asleep like, right after I took a shower and just woke up like five minutes ago. What about you guys?” You took a seat on Joon’s bed.
“We’ve been studying. Too much.” Joon yawned. “Yeah, way too much. Please never take music theory, because I promise you, you’ll hate it.” Hobi added.
“Duly noted. Wasn't planning on it.” You laughed. 
“Do you wanna put on a movie? I really want popcorn...” Namjoon pouted. 
“It’s your room, that’s up to you fam. But popcorn sounds really good right now.” You agreed. Hobi got up to grab the Roku remote to start up Netflix and Hulu. Joon got up to put the popcorn in the microwave, and you got up farther in his bed to snuggle the blankets. 
“You like my blankets, do you?” He smiled. You just nodded and snuggled them even further. He got up next to you and got under the blankets. 
“Yo, turn the lights off.” You said towards Hobi, who was about to make his way to his bed. He groaned, but got up to turn them off.
where are you??? are you okay?? 2:25AM
i'm over at joon’s and hobi’s 2:25AM
ahhh okay 2:26AM
yeah im okay b 2:26AM
“Who was that?” Joon asked. “Jennie. She wanted to know where I was and if I was okay.” You smiled. Ever since you and her met at the beginning of the year, you and her had been best friends. You also made good friends with her friends, Rose, Lisa, and Jisoo. Lisa is dating Yoongi, and Rose is dating Jackson, and Jennie is dating Hobi. Your friend group was very close.
“What do you want to watch?” Just as soon as Hobi asked you and Joon, a knock was on the door. “It’s open!” He yelled.
Jennie walked in Hoseok’s sweatshirt and your shorts. “I’ve been looking for those! You took them!” You accused. “Yeah, I know. I’m sorry. I needed shorts on laundry day and forgot to give them back.”
“It’s okay. They look better on you anyways. Keep them.” You smiled. 
“What are we watching?” She asked. You all shrugged. “We just opened Netflix when you knocked.” Hoseok said. She got up on his bed and got close next to him.
“Ah. After is out, you know the movie based on that like, Harry Styles fic a while back!” “Yeah! I’ve been wanting to watch that. Can we watch it? Can we?” You asked excitedly.
“I don't care. I’m probably going to end up falling asleep shortly. I’m so tired.” Joon yawned again.
“Yeah, me too. But that’s fine with me.” Hoseok agreed. “Yay!” You and Jennie said in unison.
Thirty minutes in and Joon was snoring away in his own dreamland. You could feel yourself drifting off as well. “How many times has she fallen asleep in your all’s room this week? She’s like always here, babe.” Jennie laughed. 
“I don’t even know. Maybe like eight times, now nine. I think she’s just less stressed being near him. They’ve been friends for a very long time.” He explained.
-
You woke up around eleven in the morning with Namjoon’s arms around your torso, and Hoseok and Jennie not in the room. 
where are you? 11:05AM
i’m in our room. we didn’t wanna wake you all up :) 11:05AM
oh okay 11:05AM
You put your phone back down and try to attempt to get out of his arms. “Moveeee. I have to pee.” You pry his arm off of you and make your way to their shared bathroom. Hopefully no guy walks in on you peeing.
“Oh shit! You scared me,” Yoongi laughed, “Sorry. I’ll get out.” He left the bathroom and shut the door. You ducked your head down and laughed. You finished your business, washed your hands and grabbed a pen and paper to let Joon know that you went to get breakfast and you’ll get back soon.
Long story short, in the span of an hour of you being gone, he still hadn't gotten up yet. You made many useless attempts to wake him, finally resulting in putting his breakfast right in his face. He mumbled something under his breath and rolled towards you.
“Good morning, sleepyhead.” You lightly tapped him on his head, but nothing.
“5 more minutes... I don’t wanna get up just yet.” He rolled back towards his mountain of soft pillows and threw his head under the blankets.
“Joon, it’s like twelve in the afternoon, hun. Get up. We have to study, then go get ready for Jackson’s party.” You grabbed a pillow and threw it at his head.
“Ugh. Fine,” he rolled back over towards you and checked his phone, “Why did you text me so many times?” He asked groggily.
“I went to Taco Bell to get breakfast burritos, you didn't answer so I got you the same as me.” You explained.
He nodded and sat up in his bed and grabbed his food. “So are you sure you want to actually study today? We could always go- wait! Where’s Hobi and Jennie?” He said looking around the room. 
“They went to our room. They didn’t want to wake us up. But what were you saying?” You explained.
“We could always pre-party. Yoongi and Jimin are having a little get together in their room in like, three hours. That’s enough time to shower and change don’t you think?” It sounded fun, knowing Yoongi and Jimin, there would inevitably be alcohol and weed. 
“Yeah! That sounds fun. I’ll finish eating then I’ll go back to my room to shower and change. I’ll meet you over there later.” You finished eating and said your goodbyes, and then made your way back to your room.
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goodlucktai · 6 years
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the way you move ain’t fair, you know
final fantasy xv pairing: promnis word count: 1595 summary: Ignis and Prompto, and three times they danced. read on ao3
x
It doesn’t help that their audience is laughing. Ignis levers a stern look at them and tightens his grip on his dancing partner’s waist before the inevitable escape attempt can be made.
“Ignore them, Prompto,” he says. “Don’t go slinking off now, you’ve almost got the hang of it.”
“The hang of stomping on your feet?” Prompto says miserably. “Yeah, I’ve got that down.”
There’s a ball coming up, the first one that Prompto will attend as the prince’s royal guard rather than the prince’s personal guest. There’s a certain level of etiquette he was trained in already, along with the other recruits that were going into regular Crownsguard services, but with higher clearance comes additional requirements.
At least, that’s how Clarus pitched it. It was a kinder, more professional way of saying “your best friend threw you under the bus.” Because if Noctis had to dance, by Shiva, so did Prom.
He’s not the clumsy teenager he was in high school. He’s grown into his wide shoulders and long limbs, leanly muscled from training, lithe and flexible and strong. Ignis is certain he’ll be a beautiful dancer, if only he manages to learn the steps.
“You’re much better at this than Noctis,” Ignis says plainly, making no effort to lower his voice. It carries easily across the polished surfaces of the airy ballroom. “It took him weeks to learn a simple waltz, and that was with a handful of royal tutors. He may appear graceful now, but appearances are deceiving.”
It surprises Prompto into laughter, the first unselfconscious sound he’s made all evening. Noctis looks betrayed. Gladio looks as though he’s happy just to be alive in this moment. At least they’ve stopped making fun.
“Well,” Prompto says, “I guess I can think of worse ways to spend my time.”
His posture is relaxed, his body radiating warmth against Ignis’ hands where they’re holding him. He’s been sized for a formal tux for the event, and generally Ignis has a proclivity for the sharp and elegant lines of suits and gowns-- but Prompto looks good like this, in paint-stained sweats and one of Gladio’s T-shirts. Ignis almost prefers it to the tailcoat he’ll wear at the ball.
“As can I,” Ignis says, and he signals Noctis to start the music again, and away they whirl.
“Aw, come on, Iggy,” Prompto says, “I know you’ve gone clubbing before. Don’t lie to me.”
Twenty-four and ludicrously charming, Prompto leans languidly across Ignis’ desk like a cat that caught a canary. There’s a smile tugging at his mouth that is almost a smirk, knowing and self-satisfied.
Ignis shuffles paperwork around for something to do with his hands, well aware of their friends’ hawk-like eyes following the verbal volleys.
“It’s been several years,” he says stiffly. It’s the wrong thing to say when Prompto shoots upright, hands planted on the edge of Ignis’ desk, victory in every light and line of his body.
“So you have gone!”
Gladio is looking at Ignis like Ignis just did a backflip over his desk. Sometimes the prince and the Shield seem to forget that he does have a personal life outside of his professional one. It’s just that the lines between personal and professional are perpetually blurred, considering how much of his heart his comrades and his liege take up.
“Prompto, no.” Ignis uses the tone he usually uses to shut things down. It usually works. “I’m much too busy to take a weekend off for no other reason than you want an excuse to make me wear eyeliner.”
The silence that follows is weighted. Prompto blinks, and looks at Noctis, who gently palms his face as though he can’t bear to look at them. Gladio says, “You know your birthday is on Saturday, right, Specs?”
Ignis pauses. Glances down at his ever-present planner, open to the current month, and finds the unmarked date looming back at him.
“Ah,” he says.
“So, you realize you just rendered your entire argument obsolete now, and there's no way you're getting out of this?” Prompto asks gently.
“Yes, I realize that.”
Which is how Ignis finds himself at a club on Saturday, with Sunday off as well. Ignis has to wonder how in the hell his friends managed that, because he hasn’t had two consecutive days free in-- frankly, he doesn’t want to think how many years.
Prompto, at least, is in his element. He’s confident here the way he isn’t in most other places. The neon lights of the club wash over his pale skin and fair hair, turn him technicolor and violet-eyed, and he attracts more than one lingering look as he walks backwards toward the dance floor, fingers curled stubbornly in the belt loops of Ignis’ jeans to pull him along.
“Just one song,” Prompto shouts over the thumping bass, a beat Ignis can feel in the soles of his shoes. “No, two. Three.” He grins crookedly, at himself or at the two of them or at their friends drinking themselves stupid at the bar or at the ridiculousness of all of it combined.
He’s lovely, Ignis thinks, not for the first time. Vivid and wild when he forgets to box himself in. Built for movement, for action, a runner’s body and an artist’s core. His eyes are fixed points in the dark room, like a path for Ignis to follow through the gyrating crowd and dizzying music. His hands are a constant warmth, searing through the thin material of Ignis’ borrowed shirt.
And a strange shiver of delight shoots through Ignis’ stomach at their closeness, when Prompto presses in to say, “Dance with me, Iggy! It’s your birthday!”
“I’m here, aren’t I?” Ignis says, and holds Prompto where he is, where there’s barely inches between them. “I’ll follow your lead.”
By the end of the night, Ignis’ feet are sore and his eyes feel bruised from the strobing lights and there’s a headache forming at his temples; but none of these things stop him from following Prompto’s gentle tug on his collar, and leaning in to kiss him while they wait for the valet to bring around the car.
“Thank the Six you’re so persistent,” he says. “I’d hate to have missed this.”
“I’d’ve gotten you one way or another,” Prompto assures him, grinning. Ignis believes him.
Noctis and Prompto are spinning around in circles on the dance floor, both of them turning thirty this year and behaving like the children they were when they first met. They haven’t knocked anyone else over, by the grace of Shiva, but it probably has more to do with the wide berth other dancers are giving them than their own observational skills.
“It’s nice to see the two of them behaving with the due dignity and decorum of their offices,” Ignis remarks mildly, setting aside his champagne.
Gladio claims the chair beside him, since most of the organized seating has gone out the window at this point in the evening, looking a happy mix of amused and proud. He’s a little pink from the alcohol, and his eyes are still a little puffy from his emotional speech at dinner. The glance Ignis gives him is unrelentingly fond. He figures he can get away with that today, of all days.
“This is the rest of your life,” the Shield says. “Aren’t you glad you signed up for this?”
“I signed up for this when I was six,” Ignis replies dryly. “Had I had any idea then what my future would look like, that might have influenced my decision.”
Gladio huffs out a laugh, not buying it. They’ve been friends for too long. “Yeah, influenced you to sign up faster. You wouldn’t trade a second of this for all the Michelin stars in the world. And that’s not what I was talking about.”
Ignis lets his eyes wander across the rolling garden. The lanterns and string lights are a warm glow, rocked gently by the summer breeze, and the clinking of cutlery and glasses is a pleasant backdrop, and the live band was replaced by an energetic DJ hours ago, a friend of Prompto’s from his favorite nightclub. The music is energetic, and the people on the dancefloor are having a good time, and Ignis has suddenly had quite enough of his cake and champagne.
He stands, folding his napkin over his plate politely.
“If you’ll excuse me,” he says, with playful severity, and heads away from one of his closest friends and towards the two of them currently making a nuisance of themselves among people too polite to say so.
“Specs!” Noctis cries gladly, without the good grace to look apologetic. He and Prompto both are shining with joy, they have been all night. “Here to steal your husband back?”
The word sends a thrill through him, and he smiles inwardly. What he says is, “Here to stop the two of you from mowing down everyone within a five foot radius, yes. Now hand him over.”
Prompto’s hair is a mess, and his tie is undone, and his suit jacket is gone to parts unknown and probably won’t ever be recovered, and Ignis has never loved anyone more.
“How much longer do we have the DJ?” Ignis asks against his hair. Prompto hums, muffled in Ignis’ chest.
“Ace’ll stay all night if I ask ‘im to. Why?”
“That’s how long I want to dance with you,” Ignis says.
Prompto looks up at him, eyes shining. “Everyone else’ll probably get bored and go home.”
“All the better,” Ignis says, and Prompto laughs, and they dance.
63 notes · View notes
ywsilas · 6 years
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🤠 HOWDY 🤠  
i’m tea and i’m ur resident dumb butt bc i sent out a lot of plot IMs without first typing up my intro so it’s just..... excuse me who r u (’:   ANYWAY here’s my lil joja enthusiast silas kwan & his PROFILE / TIMELINE / WANTED PLOTS.  as always, if any of the plots perk ur interest esp the first one PLEASE im lowkey dying for that one, feel free to hmu on tumblr IMs, discord @ mcfurry#4966 ( preferred ), or twitter ( preferred ) !!
ok lets get it
BORING BACKGROUND TL;DR
born in yangwon to immigrant parents.  given names are both kwan siu kai and kwan soo-keun -- the latter being what yw residents used to call him.  he adopted “silas,” his preferred name, at age 12 bc all the cool kids were doing it oops
< tw: death >  in 2008, his dad had a stroke and unfortunately didn’t make it bc they couldn’t get him to the city’s hospital fast enough since y’know.... one hour away.  < / end tw >  after that, his mom moved back to her parents’ place in hong kong with him in tow.
a few years back, his mom got a job at joja.  she was actually someone who pushed for yangwon to be on the community outreach list, and when yw was selected, she moved back ( currently doing logistics or smth )
silas wanted to follow her but had to finish senior secondary school first.  he recently graduated and has now moved back -- so he’s been here for around three weeks !
THE MORE FUN INFO TO READ ABOUT
a joja enthusiast and isn’t afraid to voice it !  he supports his mom’s work & tbh he lived in hong kong for more than half of his life -- he’s used to the tech and malls and all, and thinks yw needs this change.
on that, he’s a walking tech / social media wikihow. he’ll also talk about hk & compare hk to yw a lot, it’ll prob get annoying )’:  catch him complaining abt the slow wifi speed every 10 mins too
a flirt?  yes!  especially with cute gals & guys and elderly ladies.  he’s also super touchy and will sling his arm around ur shoulder, no matter how old you are
fluent in cantonese and english.  understands korean ( both the yangwon and seoul dialects ) fairly well but has difficulties responding in it.  tends to mix the dialects bc he can’t distinguish between the two -- he’s very much out of practice !
lives on gukhwa street & studies digital communications and media at baeksu so hmu for connections on those (’:
has that city boy look aka piercings, tattoos, fake jewelry, etc. and loves to show them off, so yes catch him lifting up his shirt in public to show everyone and their dogs his belly button piercing
is loud.  like, so loud that the whole town can prob hear him talking about how great airpods and babymetal are
he’s ur guy if you wanna go to the city, prob knows the city better than yw locals do lbr & if ur his friend, he’s gonna drag u to jojamart at every opportune moment bc “that’s where all the life’s at !!” yoikes
< tw: death >  misses his dad very much and will visit his grave at least once a week with new flowers and food offerings.  also writes to his dad once a year to update him on all that has happened.  he sends these letters to a family friend back in yw, and that family friend delivers it to his dad’s grave.  < / tw: death >
WANTED PLOTS AKA PLS HMU ILY’ALL
everything on this plots page
especially this: the four of you were the bestestest friends ever back then. you did everything together and definitely made a name for yourself as the town’s resident troublemakers. unfortunately silas had to move in 2008, but he promised all of you that he would write—and so he did! every other month, you’d receive a letter from him talking about his life in hong kong. the three of you wrote back together, and this continued for years. only thing is, at one point, the three of you had a huge falling out, and no one told silas. to keep him happy but in the dark, one of you decided to continue writing letters back, except this time, you’re writing for the other two, too.
someone he can introduce social media / vlogging / etc to !  or someone he explores the city with !
an anti-joja he can bicker with !!!!
he kissed ur cheek and now u think there’s something b/w you but actually nope
CHILDHOOD CONNECTIONS, ALL OF THEM bc he was a rly active, chatty kid who prob had a lot of friends
“dude why is ur korean so shitty ( let me tutor you )”
“dude can you stop tripping over ur own feet and busting ur knee like ur 20, act like it”
“dude you can’t just buy my commodities and then sell it in the city for a higher price” ( he already sells yien’s melon bread don’t @ me )
“dude i love ur tattoo & i want one but there’s no tattoo parlor here” “it’s ok, i can do it for you” = two dumbasses
“dude stop scaring my cows” 
“dude stop chasing my goats” 
“i see my chickens are chasing you down but dude thats what you deserve”
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helena-studyblr · 6 years
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a post no one asked for!
hello so i reblogged a questionnaire a lil bit ago and i’m going to answer them now because...why not
1. how old are you?
im 18!
2.  are you in high school or college(university)?
college
3. what year or grade are you in high school or (university)? 
im a freshman in college
4. what is your school’s grading system look like? do you like it? what problems do you have with it, if any? 
so my university has a standard letter grade system for most classes and pass/fail for some courses that don’t really need a grade. i do like it because it’s what i’m used to, however, a lot of times having a letter grade system can be more stressful because it makes you feel like anything but some kind of A is mediocre and not good enough, when in reality, a 75% or above is better than average.
5. if you are in high school do you plan on going to university or college? if you are in college do you plan on finishing and if you do, do you plan on continuing on to other graduate or professional schools? 
i plan on going to veterinary school after i finish my undergraduate degree! if i end up changing my major to my second choice(music education is my second choice), then of course I won’t be going to vet school.
6. if you are high school what do you plan to study in college, if you plan to go. if not, what do you plan on doing after high school? if you are in college what is your major? do you plan on changing it? 
i am currently studying biochemistry and molecular biology and i have a minor in music! i dont plan on changing it at this point, but if i do, i’d change it to music education.
7. why are you picking or why did you pick what you are currently studying? 
i want to go to vet school, and biochemistry has almost all the requirements for vet school admissions. also, i find it interesting
8. do you go/plan to go to community college, technical college, or a four-year institution? how did you make your decision, or how do you plan to?
i am at a 4 year university, and i went here because it fits what i want to do
9. what factors did you consider when picking a college, or what factors do you plan on considering? 
the college I chose is in my hometown, which is probably one of the deciding factors(i really wanted to be close to home). the campus is very pretty and small as well, and i really wanted to go to a small college. i could have potentially gone to The Ohio State University because i’m about 20 minutes away, but the camous is so big and i know i would have hated it. the school also has a good music program, soi can continue playing even though it isn’t my major
10. what is your favorite pencil?
i love my muji mechanical pencil and also the papermate clearpoint!
11. what are your top three favorite pens?
pilot juice, muji gel pens, and sharpie pens
12. do you prefer wide-ruled paper, college-ruled, dot-grid, or graph paper? 
college ruled is my favorite for class notes, graph paper for revised/nice notes/math work, and blank for planning generally
13. do you use different types of paper for different courses or classes?
i use college ruled for almost everything except math homework(i use graph)
14. do you use a backpack/bag for school or college and what kind is it? why did you choose it? price, quality, function, design? 
i use a backpack, i have no idea what brand it is, but its the perfect size for everything i need to take to classes and its also really pretty(it has a black background with flowers on it)
15. what is your favorite outfit to go to class in and why? 
i generally wear leggings and a sweatshirt/sweater just because they’re comfy and also look cute! if its warm enough, i wear flip flops but if not, i wear my vans or converse.
16. what is something you always have to have in your backpack or bag?
usually my laptop and pencil case
17. what is your least favorite subject and why? 
math!!!!!!! will always hate. guarunteed. 
18. have you ever gone to tutoring, if so, how has it helped your academic endeavors? 
i have not
19. have you ever seeked academic counseling, if so has it helped you?
i haven’t
20. has your mental health ever suffered during high school or college, and what did you do to cope? 
holy shit yes. i suffer from depression and anxiety(depression for almost a year and anxiety for 4 years). i could make a whole post about this but in general, i make sure i give myself time to relax. it can be so so hard to take care of yourself when you suffer with things like this, so even if you can barely get out of bed, try to make time to do things that make you happy. for me, it’s drawing, netflix, and video games.
21. do you like to listen to music when studying? if so, what genre, if you have a playlist share it! 
i do listen to music! i just listen to music i like, which is rock/pop punk/alt rock/etc. (here’s one of my playlists!: https://open.spotify.com/user/helenakitten14/playlist/4R6ZGIlz8K5UDEk80cVfV5?si=cXK0z3HTRUKCQSKx9F8tNA )
22. do you prefer to study at a library or at home at your desk?
depends what i’m working on and how much i have to do. if i feel like i have to be totally focused, i go to the library, but if i have some time to take breaks and get distracted, i just stay in my room. I also hate going to the library on my own, so sometimes i stay in my room anyway if no one can come with.
23. what are your top three items you keep on your desk?
my lamp, my laptop, and whatever drink i’m drinking while working( i always have a drink so i avoid snacking lol)
24. do you feel as if you are more productive during the day or in the evenings? 
evenings for sure
25. if you exercise, do you feel as if it affects your productivity and if so how? 
i do marching band which is usually my exercise, but i don’t work out. working out just exhausts me and i don’t have energy to begin with(ye ye depression)
26. do you participate in any extracurriculars and if so how do you manage your time?
marching band and wind ensemble! i’m also joing KKPsi, which is an honorary fraternity for music service! i am not great at time management, however, i plan out everything to hold myself accountable
27. do you use a bullet journal, a planner, or to-do lists? do you use a combination of all three? 
i use a combo of all three! i’ve been bullet journalling a lot recently, but i also use a planner during busy weeks when i dont have time to make a spread and i make to do lists for weekends
28. do you have a note-taking style?
nothing specific
29. do you have a color-coding system?
i like to make every different topic/spread a different color. also, when i make notes, i like to highlight vocab words.
30. what do you believe is one of the most overrated studyblr trends? 
100 days of productivity. its impossible to be completely productive for 100 days straight. shit happens, and i understand the purpose of the 100 days challenge, but i think it also takes a toll on you mentally.
31. what are your career goals, how do you plan to reach them? 
i want to be a veterinarian or someone that works with animals somehow. i hope to go to vet school and then have my own practice or join another practice.
32. do you use a laptop? if so which model? how does it perform, would you reccomend it? if not, what model would you like?
i use a macbook air! it is nice because it is easy to transport, but occasionally the functionality can be questionable(storage space is always my issue). i do reccommend it, though. if i could get a new laptop, i’d probably get a macbook pro. 
33. do you use a tablet? if so which model? how does it perform, would you reccomend it? if not, what model are you interested in?
i don’t, but i think having an iPad would be nice!
34. if you post pictures to tumblr, do you use a camera or your phone, if so, what is the model? 
i use my iPhone 6s
35. 0.5, 0.7, or 0.9 pencil lead? 
usually .5 or .7
36. 0.5, 0.7, 0.9, or 1.0 pens? 
.5
37. how many hours a day do you spend studying? are your hours consistent daily or do they differ depending on assignments and exams? 
i tend to study for a majority of the day most days, but it always differs. i have no set timetable
38. how many courses do you take? what are they?
so i am in 8 courses right now. Biology, Gen Chem, Bio Lab, Gen Chem Lab, Calculus I, The History of rock n roll, Wind Ensemble, and Marching band.
39. how long until you graduate? in credit hours, semesters, or years?
i still have 3.5 years left of college, which is 7 semesters
40. how did you find the studyblr community?
honestly i dont remember, it was so long ago
41. how did the studyblr community impact you? 
i was in a big funk my sophomore year of high school. i had no motivation, i hated learning, i hated everything tbh. but them i found this community and it inspired me and showed me that studying can be fun and pretty while also being a learning experience!
42. do you go to school in the day or night?
day!
43. what is something you are too afraid to be involved in at school or college and why? 
 in high school, i was very afraid to get involved with a lot of things, such as theatre and some other clubs just because of anxiety.
44. do you type or write your notes? 
i write them mostly, but my biology professor talks really fast so i usually type notes for his class
45. what do you do on your breaks from studying? 
netflix, eat, play video games, probably other stuff i’m forgetting
46. how do you study for math exams?
honestly i just look through lecture notes and hope for the best. occasionally i do practice problems but not often
47. do you rewrite your notes at home after class, or do you just use the ones you have already? why? 
i rewrite them because it helps me memorize things
48. what are your least favorite courses and why?
math of any kind! i also hate biology right now just because my professor sucks
49. are you in a relationship while in school? if so, why? if not, why? 
i recently got out of a relationship, but im open to being in a relationship with someone
50. if you are in a relationship, how do you manage that along with your studies? 
it was very hard to manage it honestly, but i did what i could to make time, even if it was only just having a meal together. 
51. if you aren’t in a relationship, do you plan on entering one while still in school? explain. 
if i find the right person, yea! being in relationsips is great, especially because you have a companion to help you when you’re struggling
52. do you worry about GPA, if so why, if not why?
oh my god yes i do. i have to have a certain GPA to keep my scholarship money and to stay in the honors program, plus i just want to do well.
53. did you or do you plan to take the SAT or ACT, how did you feel about the exams? did you study for them? have you taken it more than once?
i did take both the SAT and ACT. i did well on each, but the SAT was a lot harder for me. I got a 1220(i think) on the SAT and a 31 on the ACT. i took the ACT twice
54. did you or do you plan to take the GRE, LSAT, PCAT, MCAT, DAT (or any other grad exam)? how did it go? how are you or how did you study for it? have you taken it more than once? 
i’m going to take the MCAT
55. do you or did you take AP classes is high school? how do you feel about how they prepared you for college? did your school require you to take the exam?
yes i did take AP classes! i took 9 total, and they overall did help me learn how to manage time better as well as how to study. we weren’t required to take the exams, but i always did
56. do you or did you do the IB program in high school? can you explain it more for those who are unfamiliar with it? 
i did not, however the IB program is basically an intensive high school honors program that is very writing intensive. its like AP on steroids
57. do your or did you take dual-enrollment classes? how did you feel about how they prepared you for college? 
i didnt but i wish i did!
58. how many colleges or universities did you apply to or not? and why?
i applied to 5 colleges. i already knew where i wanted to go, but i wanted to be safe just in case i didnt get in, so i applied to the 5 i was most interested in. I also wanted to see if any other schools would give me a lot more financial aid.
59. how did you make friends in college or high school?
through band! in both situations
60. has your friend group stayed the same throughout your time in school?
yes actually! i’m still very close to all my high school friends and a few of them go to my college as well. of course i’ve met new people but i. also still have the same friends
61. how does your friend group influence your goals?
we all have our own goals, we just encourage each other and act as an outlet for stress
62. what is your favorite thing to learn about in your free time?
music and current events
63. what is your favorite study snack?
i like to eat carrots/pretzels with hummus or oreos
64. what is one thing that can completely make you stop studying? 
being depressed or tired
65. are there days during the week that you keep completely free from studying? 
yes. wednesdays are my hell days class-wise, so i refrain from doing work on those days after my classes are over
66. what do you do when you have to hustle? where do you go? 
i dont know what this means
67. are your parents or family supportive of your goals? if so how does this affect you? 
they’re very supportive!
68. do you like to read? and do you ever have any free time to do so?
i really love reading but i never have time
69. do you wear a watch? why or why not? what kind? 
nope, they annoy me
70. do you like to drink coffee or tea when working? decaf? what do you add to it? why do you like to drink coffee or tea? 
coffee with full caffeine! i always add creamer, and i drink it because it wakes me up 
71. how do you organize your notes after your finish writing them? 
i have notebooks for every class and binders as well
72. what do you do with your notes after the year or semester is over?
i either recycle them if they won’t be necessary anymore or i keep them in my closet
73. what are your favorite studyblrs?
studyign, emmestudies, and a lot more that i can’t think of
74. what are your favorite studygrams?
same as above except add on focusign and revisign!
75. what is the biggest impact a teacher or a professor has had on you?
my band director was very impactful on my life just because he was my teacher for 5 years, so we had a good relationship
76. what is the biggest impact that a class has had on you?
my film and lit class had a massive impact on me. it made me think in very different ways
77. who is your inspiration and who do you look up to academic wise and career wise? 
my dad inspires me a lot because he worked so hard to find a career he loved and kept going until he got there. he’s also endlessly supportive of me
thats it! this took me so long hahaha anyway. thanks for reading!
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how to keep yourself together during uni semesters in australia:
im not gonna lie: over the past 3 years at uni, i have never kept myself together. so, im probably not the right type of person to give anyone advice on how to keep yourself “together” at uni lmao. but i felt like doing it, since im close to finishing so here you go, people:
class/subject and degree advice:
- if you’re not doing a double degree (which will probably give you four or five subjects to do each sem, and a full 4-5 days at uni each week, like some of my friends), stay home on your days off. take those days both to relax, and also fill yourself in to do some of your readings (although i’ll admit i only started the “doing my readings” thing this semester after two years of ignoring them, lol whoops.) this will help your stress levels a bit (hopefully) bc at least you know what the fuck you’re talking about in class and can actually say something during your tuts/lectures.
- if you’re doing a single degree or even a double degree (again i know some people who’ve done it with double degrees), and your full load of 4 or maybe 5 subjects is stressing you the fuck out, drop down to three units per a semester, if you want to actually keep a full load for certain things. yes, it will make your degree go slower in most cases, but not as slow as going part time. it will obvs make your load a tad lighter (if you’re a full-time student), and it’ll free up your days spent at uni. it will give you fewer deadlines to worry/stress about. 
on another note, go part time if you want to/have to. i met one person at a careers fair this year who’d been at uni for five years doing her commerce degree with just one subject a semester bc it gave her less stress and plenty of time to actually work at her job.
- go to your faculty’s/school’s help desk to find out whether your course progression is right. also book meetings with the head of your faculty whenever you can; according to the head of the students bookings are open or wherever possible in your timetable. doing this lets you know whether you’re progressing with your course in the right time-frame, or right time-frame for you. remember, these people are there to help you. this saved me hours of worrying throughout my degree. 
- TRANSFER DEGREES IF YOU HAVE TO: if you feel out of your depth, or completely disinterested in your degree, transfer from it. in some cases (mostly if you’re in the same faculty and the degree is a flexible/general one) you can easily get the first year subjects in transfer credit. this is what i did in first year, when i realised that i felt very out my depth, personality-wise and for other reasons, in the bachelor of communication and media studies in 2015. i knew, after one semester of it, that it was not what i wanted to study.
I realised that forcing myself through marketing and management subjects and studying blogging at uni just bc i had a tumblr- yes, that was my kind of ridiculous and super misguided reason for picking the course, believe it or not- would “kill” me, (like obvs not literally) but it would drain tf out of me if i continued w/ it. but  luckily, since it was in the same faculty, all i had to do was do an extra subject in spring sem in 2015 (bc degree changes required you to have 24 credit points in a semester to transfer at my uni for most courses), and that sem sucked, but i got a years worth of credit in my degree, so i finish one semester earlier.
- for classes in a single degree, try and find your ideal amount of days at uni. my ideal is three days. i almost had the opportunity to have a two day week at uni this sem, bc the timetable gods were almost good to me. but unfortunately, the timetable gods were assholes and managed to let a two hour tut for one class (editing) on tuesdays ran through my US literature lecture. but i also didn’t really want just 2 days at uni, bc i knew that i probably wouldn’t be fucking productive at all in the 3 remaining days i had off during the week.
- go part-time if you have to, no matter whether you’re on a single or a double degree. do your degree on your own terms.
- don’t listen to your parents spiel on your degree or what majors/minors to do. same goes for running your subject choices by your parents. 
- or if uni is really, really getting you down, you can defer for six months and go back later. (also, for mental health, see a councilor/psychologist either from your uni or outside of uni, i started doing this after a mental breakdown in second year). 
- on feedback from your professors/tutors: okay, so. i’ll admit here that i’ve become the asshole student that literally only gives a shit about the number grade, rather than the quality etc comments that the professor (usually) gives back to me after they’ve marked my assignment, bc i don’t really have the heart to read what they’ve written etc. but, like. actually read their feedback... or listen to it. 
if you have an odd professor that likes to give audio feedback (one of my philosophy profs did this, and no. i didn’t listen to it on either assignment, particularly bc it was my least fave subject that sem and bc i had a drama with the essay that lost me like 20% of my grade for that subject), listen back to it and see what they say on your (presumably, i have faith in y’all) well bullshitted essay. their feedback is valuable. also don’t be afraid to approach your tutors for feedback either.
- on asking for help/advice on your assignments or the subject in general from your profs/tutors: DO THIS. of course, it’ll just be general guidance in their consultation hours or via email, but, don’t be scared to ask them! it might boost your marks a bit or help you clarify your essay’s argument or something like that. i was too terrified for the better part of my degree, and then too stubborn to ask for help from my profs/tutors and i think that’s why my marks and my mental health got kinda shitty. idk how to ask for help. but then again, idk how many people actually do this in the courses i did. but y’all do it.
for the general side of this, they can help you by giving you extensions (if they’re not an asshole) or whatever to help you sort your shit out. this is something i never did. but do it when you need it.
- on the topic of marks, they don’t matter. but don’t try and settle in the “p’s get degrees” mindset... even though i say this whenever i get a final mark and it’s a pass. i aimed for a credit average tbh, marks wise. i’m dead average lmao. but then again, i’ve never been a straight-A student, born to graduate uni with like high class honours or the like.
general uni life and life advice:
- GET YOUR P’S OR BLACKS (i.e. GET YOUR DRIVER’S LICENCE Y’ALL), if your family circumstances permit it or if you’re motivated enough, before you get to uni. it’ll open up so many opportunities on campus (if you don’t live on the campus and you live far away from it). and also other ops outside of uni. (but then again you might not bother driving to uni everyday  bc like uni parking, depending how it is at your uni, will always be a fight for spots.
- although i said earlier to use your days off to do some study... also use them for self-care and like life admin meaning the following:
face masks
actually take a looooonnnnngggg fucking showers y’all. the shower is the one place you’ll actually fully relax while you’re at uni. also it’s a good place to mentally plan and map out your essays etc.
yes, netflix
BUY A KINDLE (if your budget permits ofc). although it was a big cost on the outset obvs (its like $200), it was the best investment for me. i saved a fuck ton of money for some subjects, bc the books were either free or like $20-$30 cheaper on my kindle and not anywhere between $20-$40 for some texts in the uni shop. like, textbooks for english lit/creative writing or even philosophy (sometimes) etc subjects, can amount in costing to $200 or more in total for buying separate texts, just like a single, average business/law/nursing/science textbook.
read books from outside of your prescribed texts, and get totally engrossed in them if you can. i did this in first year with the complete tomorrow, when the war began series and the ellie chronicles (it’s sequel trilogy) by john marsden. and yes, i completely ignored by readings for these books, bc i hated like 90% of my uni texts. but i’ll admit that it made uni a tad more bearable, though.
if you have free days, do not go into uni. use them to catch up on sleep. or do my next point.
apply for jobs. maybe you’ll be lucky to get one and learn how to balance study with work. also it can keep you sane, money wise. something i didn’t get to have during these last 3 and a 1/2 years. but you’ll also get to know how hiring works, in general.
make yourself a fucking study timetable. this will help you get an idea of when you’re set for study. and i know, i know. it’s so hypocritical of me to suggest this bc i never bothered to make one for myself anf instead went with “i’ll study when i feel like it”......... which, um, barely ever happened all throughout uni... until this sem. lol whoops. try and stick to your timetable.
if you can, delete you fucking tumblr. 
COFFEE! COFFEE! COFFEE! MAKE THIS BEVERAGE YOUR FRIEND.
if your uni has a bar, don’t avoid it. you might make friends there. i was alone at uni for a vast bulk of the time, so i avoided the bar and mostly stayed in the library.... which didn’t give me much time to make friends.
if you make good friends at uni, talk to them often, so that you can coordinate some of your classes/tuts with them and so you can exchange not w/ each other to save time come exams. it’ll also save your ass in some classes where the prof passes around the roll in the lecture and doesn’t really check the attendance
also try and pick subjects that have recorded lectures, those fuckers save your ass come essay writing time etc.
if you’re doing literature/creative writing etc subjects, read some of your prescribed texts in the uni break- in either the november-march break or the june/july break. yeah, it’ll drive you insane bc you’re reading for a class in the holidays, but, fuck. it’s saved my ass a couple of times with books that are anywhere between 200-400 pages long (e.g. wuthering heights, lady chatterly’s lover, the grapes of wrath, any of shakespeare’s plays etc etc) giving me either a lighter reading load bc I’d finished the book during break or I’d left a few pages near the end of the book, but had read the bulk saving me a fuck tonne of reading time during the heavy part of the sem.
AUDIOBOOKS BITCHES. i only started using audiobooks on youtube when doing shakespeare. but damn. they’re amazing if you don’t really want to be engaged in a physical book sometimes, and great for gauging the tone of whats being said/picturing the characters more clearly when doing literature/creative writing subs. i’ve heard several times that they’re particularly good for commuting to and from uni, if you live far away. but sometimes they can be a bit pricey.
buy secondhand textbooks y’all.
DO NOT BUY YOUR TEXTBOOKS IN ADVANCE, in some cases. i did this for a lot of my subjects, and some times one to two of the texts changed each year... or in one case, THE WHOLE FUCKING READING LIST CHANGED. LITERALLY, and i’d spent like $200 buying the books in advance. but also, i got to read some good books by accident. don’t waste your money. but if you can find them cheap (like old editions in other fields obvs, that students are selling, buy them if you hella need the book)
take lunch in to save money on expensive campus food. but on that same note, don’t forget to spoil yourself with some of the nice food on campus every once in while.
also for lit/creative writing subjects, go to your local op shop or thrift shop to find some of the older books and get them for like $2 or 90cents instead of the fucking $15-$30 that your uni will have you sell your soul for.
Feel free to add more!!! and defs for other fields! 
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pikapepikachuu · 5 years
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How Josh Wakely landed the Beatles, Dylan, Motown and more
Could I please have a knife and fork, he asks the waiter as we take our seats in Mr Wong, a bustling, upscale modern Chinese restaurant in a converted warehouse in Sydneys CBD. Even as the words are leaving his lips, he knows theres a good chance theyll end up in print. I knew the risk I was taking, he says. He pulled the same stunt on his first date with the woman who was to become his wife. Shes a human rights lawyer and I was a semi-employed screenwriter and I went for the knife and fork. And how did it turn out? I got a second date, but it still burns her, he says. At least it wasnt a spoon. Wakely is quite happy to tell stories against himself. Hes proud of what he has achieved that his success allows him to order the spectacularly good salt-and-pepper Balmain bugs at this restaurant whenever hes in town, for instance and he has ambitions to achieve a lot more. But as a boy from Newcastle, he also knows it doesnt do to get ideas too far above your station. His parents were, comparatively speaking, quite posh his mother was a social worker, his father a teacher but the town in which he was raised was dominated in every sense by the steel plant, at least until it closed in 2000. Everyone was employed in BHP and then everyone wasnt, he says. It was a very working-class world and thats still the world I feel most comfortable in. And yet the one thing I could do was write, though I didnt really know what to do with that.
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The salt and pepper Balmain bugs are a highlight.Credit:Louise Kennerley He lasted just five weeks in an arts-law degree at Newcastle Uni his brush with torts was cut short when he rocked up to class dripping from the surf, only to have his tutor tell him, I dont think youll be a lawyer before decamping to Sydney with dreams of making it as a writer. Some good reviews for his 2002 play Woomera in which he also starred as a young detention-centre guard helped earn him a place at the Western Australian Academy of Performing Arts, even though acting wasnt his primary interest. So I rang up the head of WAAPA and said, Ill come to your drama school, but I want to be a writer and director, he recalls, laughing at his own chutzpah. He says Im the only person whos ever rung up and negotiated. The tyro writer did all the acting and dancing expected of him even though he wasnt particularly good at it. Then he would go home and write for four or five hours, every night. By the time he left he had enough work under his belt to convince a series of producers to pay him to write screenplays none of which ever made it to production, he says, because they were just too ambitious for Australian budgets.
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Beat Bugs marries the songs of the Beatles with computer-animated critters.Credit:Netflix Thats why his credits pre-Netflix are, to put it mildly, rather thin. But if he was guilty of thinking too big back then, Wakely has zero regrets. There is great power in being wildly naive, he says. Unquestionably, though, his most pie-in-the-sky idea was to go after the rights to the Beatles catalogue with an eye to turning their songs into an animated childrens series.
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The bill, pleaseCredit:Karl Quinn Beat Bugs has recently produced its third season for Netflix, won him a screenwriting Emmy, and spawned three albums of Beatles covers by the likes of Sia, Pink, Rod Stewart and The Shins. Next year, a live version is set for an 80-city tour of the US and Canada. It's fair to say it's been a hit. But for a long time after Wakely and his wife moved to Los Angeles about a decade ago, it was just another wildly ambitious plan seemingly destined to go nowhere. One day, Wakelys worried father-in-law, visiting from Australia, tapped on the door of the garage where he wrote and asked what his back-up plan was if he didnt manage to land the Beatles rights. Ive got a good idea for Bob Dylan, came the reply. His father-in-law closed the door, shook his head in despair and walked away. Now I look back on it, he was the sane one, Wakely says. I was insane. When he finally got a chance to put his idea to Sony/ATV, which holds the publishing rights, Wakely rocked up with a demo recorded for $200 by his old mate Daniel Johns in one hand and a pitch document hed put together at a local printing shop in the other. The meeting didnt go well. For some reason, he was made to stand on a cushion, and its very hard to keep your status on a cushion. Then one of the executives fell asleep while Wakely was talking. Worst of all, when he hit play on the stereo it didnt work. And I just remember thinking, I am f---ed. It could have been a fatal blow, but as I left one of the guys there said, Hello, Goodbye would be a good song for children. That was enough. For Sony/ATV, the appeal of Beat Bugs lay in exposing the music to a generation that might otherwise never hear it. It refreshes their catalogues, it keeps them pertinent and present, Wakely says. If you refresh it, it stays in the culture. Presumably there was the small matter of a significant sum being handed over too? To be clear, I think the Beatles were fine without me, he says. I dont think it was ever about the cash. They made the cash long ago. Once he had the rights, everyone wanted to talk to Josh Wakely. In the weeks after, it was all expensive cars coming to take me to meetings at Disney and Dreamworks, he says. But while being feted was nice, he realised that if he signed with one of the majors hed get the bungalow and the credit but he wouldnt be making the show himself. So instead he went with Netflix and the Seven Network in Australia. I came back to Sydney to set up an animation company, which was its own epic journey. It was as hard, really, as securing the Beatles rights. Wakely is a restless spirit, though, and long before the first season was in the can he was onto the next thing. I kept saying to them, You know when I get the Beatles rights then Ill ask for Motown, because that will be electrifying for children. They just thought that was part of my stand-up act. And then Beat Bugs had success and I went back and reminded them. [embedded content] He landed the Dylan catalogue too he even spent a couple of hours in the presence of the great man, an experience he describes as sacred and Universal has given him access to its entire repertoire as he looks for ways to tell stories about the songs, or the stories behind the songs. Because that, really, is his thing. For now at least. When he got the go-ahead to do Beat Bugs, he says, Id never directed a frame of animation and Id only written one childrens script. But I get how music works with storytelling and I took a lot of confidence out of that. Now his slate also includes projects with Eddie Vedder of Pearl Jam, and a project called 27, based on the mythical age at which so many rock stars have died. What if one of them survived, and you get this alternative history, he says. You can watch it linear or you can watch it interactive.
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The dining room in this converted warehouse is buzzing.Credit:Louise Kennerley Despite his success with Beat Bugs and Motown Magic, Wakelys main interest is in adult-oriented drama and comedy. He wants his company, Grace, to develop into a fully fledged production house, ideally based in Australia. The creative talent is here, he says. Its just a question of whether the resources and infrastructure are here and if youd get the blessing [from the studios in LA] to do it here. Theres no knowing how much of this he will be able to bring to fruition, of course. But on the evidence to date, youd be mad to rule out the possibility that he might just pull it off. At any rate, all he can do is ask for the chance to try. The odd power I take into those rooms is a sense that I shouldnt be there anyway, the kid from Newcastle says. So what have I got to lose? Follow the author on Facebook at karlquinnjournalist and on twitter @karlkwin Karl is a senior entertainment writer at The Age and The Sydney Morning Herald. Most Viewed in Entertainment Loading https://www.smh.com.au/entertainment/tv-and-radio/how-josh-wakely-landed-the-beatles-dylan-motown-and-more-20190408-p51c3z.html?ref=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_source=rss_feed
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ZackXGarry: In Which Zack Gets Marriage Counseling Even Though Boi Ain't Married
(SO. I really dunno how this ship happened but it is now p much my favorite thing and I already miss writing about them. This features the pairing Zack from Angels of Death and Garry from Ib, except it mainly focuses in on Zack and how Garry is a sickeningly good influence on him. Who knew, right?
DISCLAIMER: Garry and Zack are owned by their creators (Kouri and Sanada Makoto, respectively). I only own Beatmore aka The One Friend Not Friend Zack Can Probably Get. Enjoy!)
(Alt title: Death Of A Bachelor)
(Double Alt Title: Happy Valentine’s Day you fucks <3 we are in the hell now)
Zack was crouched in the shadows. He had his target in his sights, unbeknownst that they were the serial killer’s next victim. He had his scythe ready, his bloodlust ruling him, screaming, “KILL! KILL! KILL!” until he felt burst to explode with the energy!
So why couldn’t he do it? Why couldn’t he just take one more step? Come in for the kill, slice him in half or quarters- or even smaller if Zack was feeling particularly disgusted/slice-happy/crazy for blood and death everywhere- and rob the corpse for all it used to be worth. This was how he made his living, after all; he survived his days by robbing others’ lives.
But right now, he just. Couldn’t. Do it. He tried so hard; he stepped from the shadows, he gave his scythe a few test-swings, he pictures happy faces turning to screams of horror and being stained with blood, gore, vomit, but nothing. Something inside him was holding him back, making his mind one huge contradiction.
Fed up with himself and his apparent indecision, Zack bolted to a nearby safe house; the residence of a new friend he’d made shortly after making it to the outside. A friend who was really more of a loose acquaintance who let him talk about his problems and gave advice on how normal life worked and who didn’t care if he crashed there after four in the morning and power-napped for two hours before bolting again, mainly because the genderqueer hardly ever slept. Something Zack could relate to.
And to no surprise, they were there, perched on the arm of an otherwise-empty couch, knitting- “crocheting”, they called it once when he asked, but Zack saw no difference- a blanket. Or maybe it was a scarf? Too early to tell. It shimmered purple and black and looked like the least-revoltingly-bright thing Zack had seen them knit or crochet or whatever.
Zack climbed in through the window and stumbled wearily to the couch, giving no fucks as he collapsed face-first onto the other end of the olive-green sofa with his feet sticking over the other arm.
“Rough night?” Beatmore asked without looking up. Zack remembered when they first told them their name- well, the name they preferred. The fuck kinda made-up name is “Beatmore”? Sounds like a bad typo ‘r somethin’, he has said. They merely flicked him off in response. In the present, he grumbled something unintelligible into the cushions of the couch.
“Rough night,” they confirmed, amusement edging their voice. “What happened?”
More grumbling. Zack was reluctant to admit he wimped the hell out on a job.
“That bad, huh?” Beatmore was unfazed; they knew what he did, and still they gave him refuge for some bizarre reason. They’d claimed to have seen some shit, so this didn’t bother them as it would have most people. Not that they encouraged it; they just didn’t care. It was also why Zack hadn’t killed them and instead used them as a safehouse. They were- surprisingly- cool and okay to be around.
Zack lifted his head enough to turn it to the side so that he could be heard. Staring blankly at the generic fake wooden paneling of the wall, he admitted quietly, “I… I didn’t go through with it.”
That was enough to make Beatmore put down their crochet project and look over at the serial killer. “Whoa, wait, seriously!?” they said incredulously. “You of all people pussied outuva kill?!”
“Obviously not my finest moment.” Zack put his face back in the cushions. Maybe if he was lucky, his shame and the strong lack of oxygen he was getting right now by smothering his face in cushion would kill him.
Beatmore went back to the crocheting. “Huh…,” they mused, ”wonder what changed…” There was a moment of silence as the owner of the flat unraveled and re-stitched a whole two rows while the serial killer still kept his face firmly shoved into the cushions.
“Ohh…,” Beatmore said suddenly after a few minutes of contemplation. Zack looked up just in time to see that knowing and mischievous grin spread across their face. The serial killer felt a sudden jump of anticipation and foreboding. That look was never good on Beatmore in the slightest. They giggled.
“He must be a real good influence on ya, boy.”
Zack’s only response was a long, drawn-out groan of agony. His face returned into the cushions. How long does it even take for someone to asphyxiate when they willingly let gravity pull their face into pleather?
“Totally true, then. Man, how long have you guys even been together?”
Zack held up his hand in a number.
“Four…”
He made an obscene gesture with his hands composed of the index finger of one hand going in and out of a circle made with the other.
“Fucking…”
He then traced four letters into the couch cushions. He didn’t know how to mime this one.
“Ever,” Beatmore interpreted. “For-fuckin’-ever.” They giggled. “At least your spelling lessons ain’t gone to waste. He been teachin’ ya?”
Zack mimed his hand into a puppet and had it nod for him. He didn’t want to look up and face the facts that he was going soft because of some stupid purple-haired genderfluid boy and his stupid revoltingly cute romantic endeavors and antics. Romandevantics. That wasn’t supposed to be a word, but it was now to Zack.
“Aww, how cute. Your boyfriend’s your tutor,” Beatmore teased.
Zack looked up again. “Shut the fuck up.”
“Nah, I’m fine with talking about how adorable you and he are together. Thank for the suggestion, though; I’ll hold onto it for future consideration.”
“I can and will end you.”
“Then who else will hide you from the cops when they go knockin’? Mo’fucka I am the police.”
“You are?”
“...Okay, no, but I am damn good at fakin’ them out when they ask ‘bout Isaac Foster.” Beatmore pouted out their lips, batted their eyelashes, and puffed out their chest. It was disgusting when they decided to play feminine, accentuating the stereotypical features of a woman, but they could pull it off well. “‘Why no, officer, I ain’t ever heard’a no ‘Isaac Foster’ on the news,” they said, faking an innocent Southern Belle accent. “Or ‘What would a maniac like him ever have ta do with li’l ol’ me?’”
They stopped. “Basically I am the sole reason why Garry’s still safe and unsuspected and you’re still on the outside. Treat me nicer, assface.”
“Fine.”
Zack decided to sit properly on the couch, the back of his head resting as far back as he could manage as a long sigh blew past the bandages over his lips. “The fuck’m I gonna do?” he asked, mostly to himself, but Beatmore was sure to have input.
“Get a normal job that doesn’t involve killin’ bitches and robbin’ the bodies,” Beatmore said as they unraveled a row and re-crocheted it. “Or, even better, get a job where you do have to kill bitches, and as a bonus, rob the bodies.”
Zack didn’t know why he even bothered. Beatmore hardly ever had a serious answer.
“Garry has a job sellin’ flowers, right?” Beatmore asked suddenly.
Zack blinked. “Uh, y-yeah. Bon-tany or flower-ist or some shit,” he answered. “Why?”
“Uh, duh? Ask him if you could get a job there?” Beatmore said with a roll of their dark eyes. “Kill two birds with one stone; you can earn a real living and be able to spend more time with him instead of… I dunno, when the hell d’ya even see him now?”
Zack bit his lip in thought. “...Actually, I don’t think I’ve seen him in a few d-”
“OH WHAT THE FUCK?!” the genderqueer suddenly shouted. Zack looked over at them as they violently slammed their knitting down into their lap. Did they mess up a stitch or something?
“What-?”
“A FEW DAYS?!”  Beatmore glared viciously at the killer. Oh shit, he thought. They were scary when mad. Zack’s ever seen them lose their temper over the little things, but holy shit he did not wanna know about what happened when they lost it over something big.
“Prob’ly ‘bout a week now,” he continued meekly, at his own risk.
“You dumb mothafucka, you been with him for how fuckin’ long and you ain’t ever fuckin’ home with ‘im?!”
Beatmore stopped yelling and let go of their hooks to hold the bridge of their nose. They inhaled deeply, then exhaled.
“Boy,” they proceeded slowly, as if struggling to keep their unruly temper in control, “I suggest you get the fuck off my couch, get the fuck outta my apartment, and get the fuck back to your boy’s side. Understand?” Before Zack could even respond, they added, “Do it before I chuck your scrawny slice-happy ass out my fuckin’ window.”
Zack had never been quicker to leave his friend’s place.
“If this happens again, I will handcuff you to his side, and it will not be the kinky kinda pleasant you want from a Saturday night!” they shouted after him.
Zack did not stick around long enough to question what they meant.
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aprito · 8 years
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SasoSaku Xmas Collab
notes modern college au bc im a sucker for cute couple holidays and cringy refs to social media. sasori and sakura have a 2 yr age difference. collab with the amazingly talented and super sweet friend YakumoDT!! you can find them on Pixiv and Twitter and they are definitely worth checking out!!!
AO3 || FFnet
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“Wait, keep the door open!” Sakura shouts from the other side of the subway entrance towards an elderly man planning to enter the transport, dragging a very, very out-of-breath Sasori behind her. She enters into a sprint, and successfully manages to close in on the door before it could close in on them.
Sakura quickly thanks the man before sitting down in the relatively empty wagon, and Sasori plops into the seat beside her, struggling to breathe properly through the stitches he must undoubtedly be suffering through right now. Looking around, Sasori concludes that no one of knowledge was around to see him in - what he loved to say - this despicable state, and he lays his head on her shoulder to continue his recovery from near death.
“We wouldn’t have to run if you had told me earlier you wanted to go to the park, y’kno.” Sakura crosses one of her legs over the other, taking out her smartphone in a course of habit.   The startup sound is loud, and she briefly flinches at the echo in the wagon. Damn, forgot the headphones, again. “It’s on the other side of the bridge, after all.”
Sasori doesn’t reply through his irregular breathing – but he probably would if he could.
Sakura was feeling less exhausted than she should, considering they’ve been walking around the city for hours now, stuffed to the brim with dinner and the cakes after, and she hasn’t visited the gym in a good while this season.
Sasori, well–
Let’s just say that Sasori wasn’t enthusiastic about any sport clubs at their University.
“I mean,” Sakura punches the password combination in with one hand while Sasori worms his hand around her other, his eyes glued to a poster about a famous drama stuck to the wall across from the duo. “I wouldn’t have guessed you to be so spontaneous twice in the span of-” A brief calculation of the time between the end of November and today. ”Three weeks.”
In fact, Sasori was the exact opposite of spontaneous, planning all of his projects and events so thoroughly in advance it even kind of helped Sakura improve on her procrastination habits; not that she was all that bad on waiting for deadlines, but she snuck in breaks more often than she likes to admit here and there. Needless to say, she was surprised when he brought up the idea of a date around Christmas, right after she informed him of such event.
The only sound cutting through the quiet was the intercom, informing them that they’re five stops away from their destination, and Sakura opts for silence for the rest of the ride. It wasn’t that she particularly enjoyed the peace  - especially when she was around friends; her need to fill empty spaces with new bits of conversation was an equally stubborn habit of hers -, but the streets of Tokyo just loved to blast whatever fits the mood in this season as loudly as they can over speakers – and on a long term, sometimes a free day at home alone was a needed luxury. The subway in comparison is almost like a liminal space, save for the occasional robotic announcements and opening of doors.  
Sasori doesn’t seem to mind either – but that was expected of his person, anyways.
He nudges her shoulder when their respective stop is announced, and the station is completely devoid of any living souls when they exit the Subway, no doubt that everyone was to be found on the other side of the bridge. Sakura takes the time to shoot a picture of the ghost scenery, and Sasori scoffs.
“Instagram?”
“Duh.”
The park isn’t any better in that regards, but the few streetlights and beautiful scenery of the city across from the river they were near at make up for it.
“Thank you for the dinner, by the way. That was really sweet of you.” Sakura says, scrolling through her social media feed not touched in approximately two days. Pictures of her friends amongst cakes and pets, some choosing to stay inside while others were spending time with their significant others. “Will you let me brag?”
“I don’t even look as presentable as you do in this state.” Sasori huffs beside her, puffs of air disappearing into the dark night, his face reddening from the biting frost. He’s always been more prone to colder temperatures than her, which was no surprise when you knew the south was currently sporting 20°C and above in December. “So, no.”
“Aw, you think I look good.” Sakura doesn’t look up from her phone, but she can clearly imagine the frown adorning her boyfriend’s face.
“Quiet.” His gloved hand around her tightens, and she smiles. Her humor is short lived, however, when Sasori grabs her pink beanie in a swift moment of distraction.
“Hey-” she cuts in, being surprised at all, but her complaint is muted when she sees how utterly ridiculous it looks poorly adjusted on his head, seeing as he was only using one hand to put it on.  She huffs, putting her phone away to help him put the beanie on, properly. They’re nearly the same height to begin with, so it poses less of a problem.
Sasori’s warm breath fans against her face, and she’s aware that protesting his theft is futile.  “Pink really suits you. You’re cute.”
“I’m cold.” Sasori corrects when she pats her hand on his head, beanie successfully covering those red ears of his. She can make out vague mutterings of ‘didn’t bring mine’ when they close their hands back together, and she rolls her eyes at his antics.
“You mean you keep forgetting to bring the ones you stole from me.”
“That is such a harsh wording.”  His lips twitch into what almost passes for a smile. “I borrowed them because pink looks good on me, obviously. I fail to understand your lack of empathy in that situation.”
“Uh-huh.” Her tone is laced with sarcasm, but his silly reply makes her smile all the same. “I can’t believe you’re already graduating in a few months with that attitude.”
“And I-” He nods towards a path that lead a bit astray from the riverside, and they continue their walk into that direction. “Cannot fathom how you still have two years ahead of you.”
Far more if she decided to specialise further, but for now becoming a surgeon was a pretty good plan to accomplish within six years. She squeezes his hand, and he turns his head to look at her.
“Well, if you hadn’t quit medical school.” And didn’t need the money to from tutoring freshmen, like me. “We probably wouldn’t have met in the first place.”
Sasori hums, but his expression doesn’t seem all that regretful. “It just wasn’t the thing for me.”
“I still remember the campus headline about the star student who poisoned cadavers and openly shit-talked my professor in front of everyone just to get kicked off the program. I still wonder who that was?”
Knowing Sasori for a good while now, the culprit didn’t seem to be that far off the mark. She laughs as he shoves her half-heartedly to the side, him being banned from her campus surely a fine reminder of his stint. That didn’t stop him from picking her up once in a while, of course.
“I have to admit, if my mother ever found out I quit medical school for art, she’d surely kick me out of the house. Remember how horrified she was when you admitted it to her?”
“She called me a low life and a freeloader.” His face turns grim at the memory, and she can’t blame him for it, the utter hostility her mother radiated at the dinner table a sight in itself.
“Mom barely missed you with the butter knife, too.”
Sasori shrugs, and Sakura wishes the memory of that humiliating evening would eventually escape her mind as quickly as possible. But hey, at least Dad likes him and his tragically bad puns.
They come to stop before a bench that seemed to not have been used at all, today, and Sasori uses his foot to kick the powdery snow off the surface. It remains as quiet as when they entered the park, streetlamps being the only source of light, and the absence of any curious glances feels vaguely foreign to her.
“To be fair” Sasori begins, their hands still clasped together, their bodies squished close for a tiny bit of shared warmth. “I didn’t expect us to work out either, at the beginning.”
His comment completely throws her out of the loop, and she’s ready to question his line of logic, when he cuts into her own thought before it can escape her mouth. “I’m not ungrateful, if that’s what you’re thinking.”
“I don’t think we didn’t turn out to be that different from each other, if that’s what you assumed.” She replies, her eyes focused on a streetlamp in front of her instead of the man beside her, but she can see the brief confusion crossing his face, out of the corner of her eye. “I mean, you rubbed off on me a lot, too. Take the sarcasm, for example.”
Sasori snorts. “Bad example.”
“You’re right, we’re also both prone to get cold feet whenever I suggest love hotels.”
“That is even worse.”
“You’re right, how about that one time Deidara nearly walked in on us and we-”
“How did I survive this for four years, again?”
She moves to tap his nose, and he sticks out the tip of his tongue in response. “You deserve four medals of honor, soldier.”
“I deserve a lifetime supply of medals.” He mimics her movements, but opts to pinch her cheek instead, and when he draws his hand back, there’s small chunks of highlighter on his dark gloves. So much for that wonder setting spray.
The past few months flash before her, and as if on cue, she feels oddly melancholic.
“It’s been nearly four years already, huh.” She rests her head on his shoulder, knowing that the mere thought of it shouldn’t be making her depressed, but here it is, crawling it’s way into her mind on restless nights. “I can’t believe you’re going to New York, after this. I always wanted to go there.”
“I’m sure you’ll be able to see it, someday.” Sasori is tracing her gloved knuckles with his fingers, but he doesn’t look at her.
She would love to punch herself for her moods, sometimes.
“Promise me you’ll call me at least once a day.” A beat. “Facetime. On Skype.”
“Is American Internet even good enough to sustain the distance?” Sasori’s tone is light, and she’s tempted to box him just for that horrible implication.
She’s glad that he isn’t able to see her from this angle, but she can feel the familiar sting of tears swelling her eyes. Shit.
“I’ll miss you.”
“Sakura, are you crying?” He’s probably heard the irregularity in her voice, damn it.
“I’m just” She separates their hands to wipe her eyes before they can expose her any further. “I’m just really happy for you, that’s all.”
“Ah, about that, actually.” Sasori’s blank expression is mostly in place, of course, but he avoids her gaze, and she’s rarely seen him nervous around her. “I contacted my manager the other day, and called the deal off.”
Sakura’s eyes widen, and she’s utterly dumbfounded at the statement.
“What?!” She has to get up just to process her thoughts, because she can’t believe what she just heard. “Why?!”
Sasori looks equally caught off by her reaction, and he buries his hand in the pockets of his outer coat, his body leaning against the bench, relaxed. “I didn’t want to do it.”
It’s not sadness that’s ruling the forefront of her mind right now, but indignation.
“What are you, 12?!” She says, her nails digging into her palms, her loud voice cutting sharp through the quiet, empty environment. “You can’t just call off your future!”
“The decisions mine to make, Sakura.” A beat. “I’m an adult as much as you are.”  
She’s not angry at his attitude – tries not to be – but it’s hard when Sasori looks so completely detached from it. He grabs her wrist, suddenly, and she’s back on the bench, fuming.
“I just turned 24.” He begins, brushing a strand of pink hair that’s hanging flat in front of her face to the side. “I have a good amount of sponsors and commissioners in Japan to begin with. Throwing that away would be just as pointless. Besides” He meets her gaze, and his eyes are devoid of any hesitance. “I wouldn’t want to go where you can’t follow.”
A sense of guilt washes over her anger, and she breaks the eye contact to watch the fresh fall of snow.
He can’t leave because I’m stuck here.
“But…didn’t you say yourself how hard these opportunities were to even come by?”
“They’ll come by again.” He huffs. “You’re more important than my paycheck.”
A drag. You’re a drag, Sakura.  
“Why don’t you just break up with me then?” She can’t believe she’s even blurted that out now, but her mouth has always it’s way of getting her into regretful decisions. “That way you don’t have to-” She’s getting teary again. “You don’t have to worry about me.”
Sasori doesn’t seem stunned by her suggestion, however, and the thing’s said faster than her ability to jump into worse confessions. “I believe a proposal would be the complete opposite intention, though.”
“You can call your manager and- wait-”
Did he just-
“What?”
Sasori’s answer is just as elegant as her’s. “Uh, yeah. I-” He seems to fumble for words, almost as if he was flustered. “I want to get married. To you.” He tacks on, like she required a clarification.
The snowflakes are uncaring to the deafening silence around them, and several catch in strands of red hair that poke out of his beanie. Sasori’s pretty brown eyes are glued to her, and she’s sure he’s actually waiting for some sort of response.
Sakura’s face feels warm, and she’s sure that she must be looking like a tomato. The tears she’s been holding back, however, flow freely, grazing her chin and ending in her scarf.
“I hate you so much, right now.” She sniffs, her vision blurring. That’s the last thing she expected to happen, god.
Sasori’s regarding her with worry, and his hands freeze in mid-air, unsure if he should grant her comfort or distance; but her tears weren’t rooted in anger, or sadness, not at all.
“I….I guess if you don’t want to-”
But before he knows it, Sakura buries her face into the crook of his neck and wraps her arms around his shoulders, her voice coming out muffled.
“Of course I want to.”
Arms rest around her torso, and she feels his breath tickling her ear. When she’s calmed her own breathing, he speaks. “Let’s do this properly, then.”
Sasori moves to stand before her while she blows her nose with a tissue, and when he feels that she’s fully  back on track, he coughs into his hand to get her attention. Her eyes are straining to keep themselves open in the biting cold, but something inside of her cracking and bleeding warmth is making her even more jittery.
Sakura hasn’t been this nervous since entering medical school.
Slowly, in all his grace, Sasori – the ever so bashful, arrogant, proud Sasori – lowers his legs until he’s kneeling  front of her, one foot propped on the ground to give him balance in the snow, resembling nothing less but a prince from a distant kingdom wishing to whisk her away in the dead of the night.
He takes her gloved hand with both of his, gently, and she blushes.
“Will you, Sakura Haruno, marry me?” he says, and the words are melodic to her ears – this was her fairytale story.
“A thousand times” She surely must look awful, her makeup smeared and her smile reaching from ear to ear, but there wasn’t anything in this world that would ruin her mood. “Yes.”
He gestures her not to move, fumbling for something in the pockets of his coat, and she patiently waits in anticipation, her hands propped on her knees. He narrows his eyes as he pats around his body impatiently, before realisation finally hits him. He swears quietly, and she’s already knowing what must have happened.
“I… left the ring in the wrong coat, in my Apartment. We have to go back right n-” Sasori is interrupted as Sakura tackles him into the snow, effectively knocking all air out of his lungs. Sakura doesn’t let him collect his bearings as she moves on her own accord, lowering her face until their lips touch.  He hugs her, and they embrace each other, there, in the snow, without a care in the world. It’s not until they run out of air that they part, and she speaks.
“I truly hate you so much, right now.”
There are no fireworks, no grande festival, no masses to share this moment with, but Sasori’s smiling at her, and she wouldn’t trade this view for anything else in this life.
“And I love you, you absolute mess.”
She laughs, teary, and sweeps in for another kiss.
When they’re back on the subway, having caught the last train, Sakura stares at the red string tied around her finger, Sasori’s temporary alternative, said hand intertwined back with Sasori’s and she’s longing to squish the last of her doubts.
“Is this really okay? Not going abroad, I mean.”
“Hey, I surely won’t starve if I were to marry the brilliant future doctor and show-off, Sakura Haruno.”
“Oh, shush you.”
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wayoutofwonderland · 6 years
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I figured before I start blogging I should probably do an about post just on the off chance I do get any followers, although I’m only really doing this for myself if my posts help someone else later on then that’s cool too.
I dunno if I want to put my name to this yet but I’m 29 and a mother to three gorgeous kids. I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) probably something like four years ago now after first being wrongly diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. I did a bit of therapy and DBT and trialled some medication but none of it changed my life. I’ve been unmedicated since I found out I was pregnant with my youngest, who has recently turned three. I can mostly hold it together, in public anyway. But at home I am overwhelmed and irritable ALL the time and my brain feels like someone has scrambled it, but this isn’t new. It has always been a struggle for me to think clearly, organise my thoughts, and remember anything. Most of my life is a big blank space, I remember very little about my own childhood, or my children being babies, or any other part of my life. If it’s not happening right now, it’s practically gone.
I’ve always said if I could just throw the contents of my mind onto a wall to see and arrange my thoughts neatly it would be so much easier, but I can’t file what’s in there. I’ve got stacks of papers shoved into boxes and stacked on top of other boxes and someone keeps shredding and incinerating stuff without my permission. Trying to think a situation out or follow a train of thought is like trying to hold onto water in my hands.
A lot of things about me are explained by my BPD diagnosis. It’s a diagnosis I fought for, after being diagnosed with Bipolar I spent hours upon hours researching and I just couldn’t relate. I did, in my researching, stumble upon info for BPD and the more I researched the more I realised that it fit me. I could not convince my doctor. One day she snapped at me, ‘well, we can’t meditate for that!’ as if that’s what I was after.
Shortly after, I got a new doctor. My first meeting with him, I took all my research, my old journals, my numerous ‘could you have BPD?’ quizzes, and screenshots of the criteria in the DSM that I fit perfectly at the time. I walked in prepared for a fight and I pitched to him that I did not have Bipolar but in fact Borderline Personality Disorder and after presenting my case I was not quite prepared for what he said: ‘I believe you’. To this day it’s probably the most validating thing anyone has ever said to me. So I started on the meds and the therapy and got referred to a short DBT course and then finished other sections with my therapist. I stopped seeing her because she was leaving, and I thought I could handle things by then.
Since then nothing has really got any better and my life is still a mess. I seem unable to pin down my interests or a career I can stick to and I haven’t worked full time in eight years now, I did pick up a bit of work this year but it’s very casual and I haven’t been called in a while. I can’t even get the motivation to clean my house, the idea of getting up every day and going to work where I will have to use this fried, scrambled brain of mine is utterly terrifying. Almost any interaction with my children, who I love more than anything in the world, leaves me stressed and irritable, I’m always overwhelmed. There is three of them and one of me, and the noise is too much all of the time. It’s always so loud that I can’t think.
I have been writing it off as anxiety, as I know I have terrible anxiety. It was another thing that showed up like a beacon on the tests I did at the mental health place but I told her I wanted to focus on the BPD and so I assume it’s been noted on my official diagnosis, but I really have no idea. I used to have such a hard time that I couldn’t even pay for things myself because I couldn’t interact with the cashier, and I started forcing myself to do it and now it’s okay. I still get anxiety about it, but I can do it. Same with phone calls and meeting new people.
Other things aren’t explained by the BPD diagnosis. I figured it’s just me, my head is screwed and that’s just how I am. Then the start of this year, my son was diagnosed with ADHD (combined type). It was a diagnosis that surprised no one since we all pretty much knew already. Yet I’d never really researched it. He started out on medication and we’ve done a bit of tinkering with that and his school work is really improving which is really the only thing he needs his meds for at the moment, as he was really behind in school. And I kept researching.
Someone I know posted something on Facebook that I could have written myself, about her ADHD. I said that sounds just like my whole life but I thought it was my BPD. She and another of her friends (they both have BPD and ADHD) explained that there’s a lot of overlap between the two. I know that there’s a strong genetic link with ADHD, and that parents of kids diagnosed with it often realise it sums up their own lives too. I also know that my own brother fits the criteria for ADHD perfectly and has since he was very young.
But although I knew that ADHD is not just hyperactive little boys, that’s what I was dealing with, with my son so that’s where my research had mostly been focusing. And I didn’t fit any of that. I don’t recall ever being overly hyperactive. Nowadays it’s all I can manage to get off the couch. In school I was a good student, I did my work and was quiet in class, but didn’t really understand the work. I was a voracious reader and loved writing about subjects I was interested in. I could not grasp even basic math. I had the same teacher for two years who encouraged my love for writing and reading but would not put in any time or effort to teach me math. I eventually learned to tell time and count money with a tutor, but I still can’t do math in my head without counting on my hands or imaginary dots for addition and subtraction and if it’s not a low number, forget it, I can’t do it at all. I can’t do most multiplication or division. I have no concept of weight, distance or measurement. I have no concept of time. It seems limitless until abruptly I’m about to be late for something, again.
Im always late. If I try really hard to get there on time, I’ll be too early and have to wait around. My brain doesn’t want to work. I don’t have the mental energy for anything at all.
I stumbled across something about inattentive type ADHD. Hey... that makes more sense. I can relate to that. And that, and this... the more I find, the more I refined my search to adults with ADHD, inattentive type ADHD and women with ADHD the more I saw my life, the parts of myself I can’t explain, the parts that I thought were just me being a failure.
My kid has a meds review coming up next week. I asked his doctor how I’d go about being evaluated myself. She’s going to talk to me about my next steps when I see her on Tuesday.
If I’m evaluated and it turns out that the answer to the chaos in my head is not ADHD, I’ll take this blog down. But if it is, this may well serve as some useful info for someone else down the road who might be wondering the same thing about themselves and how this stuff works and how it feels. And it’ll be good for me to have a record of this stuff. So in the meantime, I will be reblogging my BPD stuff here and also ADHD posts that I can relate to (which is a hell of a lot) or that I think will be useful in helping understand my son, and I do not mean to offend anyone by reblogging those without an official diagnosis so hopefully no one gets upset at me for that.
I also know that nobody with ADHD will read all of this, at least not in one go, and reading it back to check for typos was too boring even for me but the rambling blog posts at least explain everything I want to say and most stuff that is relevant to where I’m at right now. Maybe I’ll do a separate TL;DR post summary.
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