#im insane ik but like idk what type of insane i am. ha!

[neptunite-stars]

... tired. burnout.

[firstdivisiongirl]

OH MY GAH HIIII !! I SAW THAT YOU DO MATCHUPS SO I WAS WONDERING IF I COULD A REQ FOR THAT BUT W TOKREV CHARACTERS ??? :DDDD i dont mind anyone tbh so dw abt choosing :33

ok i'll just drop some background info abt myself here :33

i'm aromantic + nonbinary, i am an entp 7w6 and i'm a pisces !! i like to draw, listen to music (either metal or just mainstream music i listen to whatever atp) and dance in my freetime !! :3

based on my personality ::

my friends tend to tell me that i'm the embodiment of the quote "dont judge a book by its' cover" cuz on the outside i act like a full on metalhead and really passive aggressive but at home i sleep next to a whole tower of plushies 💀🙏 and i collect stickers of silly little cats and otters (not my fault that they're so cute oml) i'm usually the clown of the group !! i tend to be hyperactive but my emotions change a lot- one second talking to me is like trying to get a toddler to pay attention to your teacher and the other is like trying not to get bitten by a rabid dog (my friend's words not mine). i tend to be a loud mouth srry . . . i do try to be quiet if necessary but if i get excited when talking i am a walking speaker . . . i get rlly excited if my favorite things are mentioned ?! like i would get rlly happy, smiley and would talk about it until i forget to breathe !! i like to consume horror media ?? idk if i can say that without sounding like an edgelord sobsob im sorry . . . i just love consuming those types of media (as a former kid w unsupervised access to the internet-) and i tend to ramble abt them along w other philosophical topics !! i like to discuss abt meaning of life, whether there are other universes, abt the capabilities of the human mind, etc. they're just so interesting!!! :] i guess im proud to say that my best trait is my humor 😋 maybe im overconfident abt this one cuz i just have pretty dumb sense of humor if im being honest frfr i tend to say things out of context . . . i like terrorizing my friends by saying the most outrageous things and overexaggerating them for the fun of it :333 though sometimes i kinda mean what i say

for my ideal partner ::

i'd say i would like someone who's fun to be around but at the same time they gotta be interesting for me to find them fun . . . like they gonna have smth to them that makes me wanna observe them like they're a lab rat being experimented on and being put under observation :33 ppl like that make me wanna see whats inside them and how they see the world around them !! i just love those kinds of ppl aaaaa ik im overdramatic for this one but like . . . i need someone who can handle me- as in my emotions and sometimes my way of loving . . . cuz if i did love someone, i would obsess over them and would dream of dying w them out of euphoria cuz being w my partner is the only thing that keeps me alive and human 😞 i wanna feel genuine happiness and pure bliss w my partner so thats why after that i think we should die together, that way we both know that finally we lived our life to the fullest (in my pov, 'the fullest' means you finally reach the climax of ur happiness/u live to the moment where you're the happiest you've ever been) (idk if that makes sense but that has always been my fantasy LAWD IM RAMBLING) need someone whos as crazy as i am :333 if he aint insane i dont want him fr i need to make him worse /j

i think thats all abt me :333 pls take ur time and make sure to put urself first btw !! aside from that, its ok if you ignore this one cuz at the end of the day its up to u <333 have a wonderful day/night mwah you're super cool

Hello! Of course you can have a matchup. Thank you for the kindness. I would like to warn you that I picked a somewhat controversial character. I hope you like it!

You Got...

Tetta Kisaki!!!

If boy can handle the chaos the is Shuji Hanma, he can handle you!

You wanted crazy...

Would love to see you smile when you get super excited about something! His favorite thing is to see the person he loves happy.

He is really really smart. So you would have very intellectual and philosophical discussions.

Would love that you aren't all you seem. Because he is the same way. You two can be badasses when out, but totally different when it is just the two of you (and Hanma sometimes when he is being Hanma and not leaving you all alone.)

Movie date nights. He'd let you pick it. If you're happy, he's happy.

[borom1r]

1-25 choose violence ask game ❤️

ALL OF THEM?????? you’re so real for this ty snfnsnbfns. doing LotR bc of course I am

1. the character everyone gets wrong

PIPPIN I HATE TO SAY IT BUT PIPPIN. all those incorrect quote polls that have been posted where pippin keeps fucking winning YALL REALIZE HES AN ACTUAL CHARACTER RIGHT?? with like depth?? and bonds?? and a personality. yall realize that right?????? right??? ik we all love 2 joke but he would not say half of those things

2. a compelling argument for why your fave would never top or bottom

ok I personally enjoy both for Boromir BUT if he IS topping. he is a service top. I will die on this hill

3. screenshot or description of the worst take you've seen on tumblr

I block ppl for these takes so no screenshots but everyone who thinks Boromir is a villain. if you think Boromir is a villain I will key your car.

4. what was the last straw that made you finally block that annoying person?

there is one singular straw and it is bad Boromir takes in the Boromir tag

5. worst discord server and why

I don’t join fandom discord servers bc I love myself too much for that 💗

6. which ship fans are the most annoying?

ummm idk? most of my lotr mutuals have different ships from me and it’s all chill. but tbf I’m very selective abt who I interact with now lmao.

7. what character did you begin to hate not because of canon but because how how the fandom acts about them?

no one yet thank fuck.

8. common fandom opinion that everyone is wrong about

Aragorn/Arwen isn’t actually romantic sorry I think it’s fucked up actually. the vibes are off there for SURE

9. worst part of canon

FARAMIR’S “yeah I’m gonna take you from your home and tame you. haha wdym. you don’t need a blade during times of peace.” SHTICK WITH ÉOWYN IN THE BOOKS. UNPACK YOUR BIASES YOU LITTLE FREAK!!!!!!!!

10. worst part of fanon

HM. I will stick with “people who horrifically misinterpret Boromir’s character”

11. number of fandom-related words you've filtered

at the moment I only have rings of power blocked but I’ve had that blocked since it came out bc if I look at the armor in that show I will commit crimes.

12. the unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them

MOVIE!FARAMIR MY SPECIALEST LITTLE GUY OOOOOOOOOO MOVIE!FARAMIR I LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUU he’s so handsome and special and I love him and you WILL all look at him and clap and cheer. it makes me insane that his temptation by the ring mirror’s Boromir’s and he’s actually fucking normal abt the Rohirrim AND I just love him very much :)

13. worst blorboficiation

ummm idk… maybe Frodo

14. that one thing you see in fics all the time

HMMM exposing myself but I basically only read Aragorn/Boromir fics lmao + since we’re Choosing Violence the most annoying thing is Boromir just being A Brute. like damn I love the surface level reading of the text maybe try engaging with it above a 1st grade analysis next time 💗

15. that one thing you see in fanart all the time

hmmmmm idk cuz again I don’t interact w a lot of fanartists so there’s nothing like. annoying. all th ✨motifs✨ I do see r very fun + I like them :)

16. you can't understand why so many people like this thing (characterization, trope, headcanon, etc)

ummm for Serious, portraying Pippin as Stupid. for Silly, uhhhh Trans Faramir is so real to me I completely forgot cis people both 1) exist in the real world and 2) probably interpret Fara as cis too. i don’t get it :(

17. there should be more of this type of fic/art

trans Faramir 🩵💗🤍

18. it's absolutely criminal that the fandom has been sleeping on...

HM idk. trans Faramir again. also bc I love it, utilizing Old Norse culture for the Rohirrim teehee

19. you're mad/ashamed/horrified you actually kind of like...

OK IM MAD THAT FINNISH BOROMIR IS JUST ME. THATS ME. THATS AN OUTFIT I WEAR REGULARLY MINUS THE LONG HAIR. I DRESS LIKE THAT TO BUY GROCERIES. i love him for that tho. I’m also mad that MtG Boromir’s stupid pointy muttonchops have grown on me. freak behavior, keeping his facial hair trimmed in those stupid little points

20. part of canon you found tedious or boring

I’m fighting for my life reading the histories rn 😑 I find them very dry for the most part

21. part of canon you think is overhyped

idk? I think there is an appropriate level of hype. but idk if Rings of Power had a lot of hype. if it did, then Rings of Power is my answer

22. your favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores

idk if it’s IGNORED necessarily but the fact that Boromir carries a Rohirric shield in the films does actually genuinely make me insane 💞 I love that sm

23. ship you've unwillingly come around to

UNWILLINGLY?????? idk?? ummmm I think it’s all fine for the most part I’m just A Fag so I don’t write het ships. it’s like a moral thing. Éowyn/Faramir gets a pass conceptually bc they’re T4T to me tho

24. topic that brings up the most rancid discourse

idkkkkkkk I don’t engage w discourse bc I want this fandom to remain pleasanttttt

25. common fandom complaint that you're sick of hearing

again idk.. I block on sight if I see a Bad Take + then I erase it from my memory so I can continue to live in a beautiful blissful world where I. forgor abt cis people ☺️

[bombshelllblonde]

hiiihihii!! im backkkk to tell u abt my rdr playthough bc im bored asf haha

¡love this game omg!! the graphics, the story, the details UGH!!!!

hunting is actually so fun for no reason- i bought so many fancy ass guns too 😭

also my play type whenever i play ANY story game thats open world is to do every possible thing every except the actual story so i get a bunch of stuff and then its so muvh easier

in short i have 6000+ dollars 😋

bonus of exploring everything is i got thw white arabian and i love her sm ‼️‼️ i named her pearl and she is my baby

dress up is my seconf favorite hobby

my fav outfit rn is the red vest w the floral pattern on the front (i forget what its called) n the black french dress shirt underneath + the bison necklace talisman

(also arthur w medium-long length hair n short facial hair>>>)

this game is so detail oriented, its kind of insane- im doing a high honor run atm, and i came across the blind beggar for the third (?) time and the blind guy said and i quote

"that is which killing you will finally help you, friend- to hear and see."

is this foreshadowing this feels like foreshadowing

also ik arthurs dies (bc of tiktok edits and fics, they artists in this fandom is amazing!!!) and im not prepared at all 😭 im going to procrastinate so bad 

ALSO CHARLES DESERVES SO SO MUCH I LOVE HIM

yk the hole lil speech he has at the campfire yk "most human beings seem to know why they were born but, for me- its seems i was just mean ton hurt and suffer myself" that one

im bawling istg if he doesnt get a good ending im going to be writing a formal complaint to rockstar games

anyways

tw opinions (ik bro its crazy to have opinions in 2024 whattt no wayy)

ive gotten to the point in playing where im in ch 3, and the only way i can progress the actual story is to help micah rob a stagecoach or whatever

micah is a bastard and i dont like him

him as a character is rlly well written and awesome but,,,,,hes,,,slimy,,and i hate him,,,,so he can wait for a little longer ☺️

my favorite characters rn in no particular order is

arthur (obviously) , charles , sean , javier , tilly , marybeth , and kieran

my pookies ‼️‼️

moving on im so sorry this is so so long 😭 idk anyone who likes rdr irl lmao

anyway hope u have a nice day and no wolves attack you and spoke ur horse who bucks you off a cliff

(in rdr btw)

((true story also))

yo, having 6k in chapter 3 is amazing. good for you!

my first playthrough i got the white arabian and i named her Lemoyne Tree as a tribute to the state of Lemoyne and my favorite post malone song Lemon Tree. But she always got super dirty so i then went to the lake next to Strawberry and tamed the red chestnut arabian. I LOVE LOVE LOVE that one, she's gorgeous and arthur always gets that one when i play it. my beautiful baby girl Diablo <3

also yes. heckin FUCK MICAH BELL. even from the beginning he's been a slime ball. hate that man <3

i won't go too far, but just keep yourself high honor towards the end of the game. you need that to be your first ending. :')

Charles deserves the absolute world. just listening to him speak and hanging out with him at camp, and the missions you continue on to do with him throughout the game are so much fun. charles is someone i wish i could have in my real life because he seems like he would be the best person to speak to and hang out with. he is so lovely and down to earth. even arthur says it a couple times throughout the game. charles gets a good ending i promise.

my top blorbos are Arthur, Dutch, Charles, Hosea, and Josiah Trelawny my absolute beloved <33333 just wait until you go on the mission with Charles to find trelawny. one of my favorite missions ever ever ever ever!!

a lot of people dislike dutch, but i love him so much. he is my actual father. i love him.

i also hate john. let me know how you feel about that little greasy weasel of a man. :)))

i'm so so so glad you're having fun and i am very invested, so please continue to keep me updated on what ur doing because i need to live vicariously through you. if i could erase my entire mind and replay the game over and over again for the first time, i totally would

[csbnova]

My Personal Blue Lock Writing Habits and Drabbles

someone asked if i write with a specific mindset for each character but erm…idk what happened to the ask bc my phone hates my guts and wants me to die so im just gonna explain it here. (also an excuse for me to yap abt my pookie bears)

so obviously there are different character types and different personalities duh duh duh but to me i always have to immerse myself in the way they think. I read the bllk manga (haven’t caught up yet get off my case) but i do like to do character analysis based off of what we get in the anime/manga, the official art, and the little facts we get from the author/on bllk wiki.

i guess it wouldn’t be too far fetched to say i do indeed do my research on the guys that i write for and it doesn’t help that i actually enjoy it💀 but to me seeing chars getting mischaracterized CONSTANTLY is one of the most infuriating things EVER especially if it’s a character that i’ve been a die hard fan of. (partially why i decided to start posting my writing) like bachira’s mischaracterization is wild to experience. no, he’s not always yelling or goofing off but it is often. no, he’s not a freak(like at ALL) who constantly talks about his monster in every conversation he has. yes, he IS a sweet little guy who would probably ask to hold your hand in a romantic way even tho he wouldn’t be scared to hold it earlier in your friendship.

idk i just think it’s weird when people write the most insanely off putting personality for characters that they probably have only seen hc’s of or misinfo for.

when i wrote barou’s texts, i had to think rlly hard abt it bc i know he seems like an arrogant guy (which he is ngl) but i think that’s only when it comes to soccer. in both the anime and the manga barou could be seen multiple times having calm conversations about growth and how his abilities affect the way he plays. he’s also got two younger sisters which i personally believe could make anyone become more mature (said with experience). ive done the same with multiple characters, even with smaller details. like, in my rin fic that im writing, there’s a small detail about his favorite drink. i couldn’t just say a random beverage bc i got so upset that i couldn’t come up with a drink for him that i looked up what his favorite would be😭

yk another small thing i did was make the itobros texting styles similar to each other. sae’s includes both capitals and correct punctuation while rin’s doesn’t capitalize anything and just uses accurate punctuation (at least i hope it’s accurate). i did that to portray how similar the brothers are despite their respective differences. i also happened to know that rin would rather die than admit that and that knowledge has to be shared somehow.

idk i just hate seeing my favs being mistyped especially since it’s been happening even more recently (cough gojo fans cough) but im also a stupid nerd(yes ik those contrast each other) who’s very passionate about this so i don’t really care what anyone has to say i genuinely enjoy producing content abt characters that isn’t inaccurate or rage inducing and my one and only hope is that i get it right 🙏

anyways that’s it basically. shout out to anyone who actually read this bc i probably wouldn’t have 🔥

should i start a series? i have the urge to but idk💀

no! i am NOT posting this instead of finishing my writings… 🤥

[thisdreamplace]

ashamed to say the 3D reflects our true inner reality, yes? my ENTIRE family has turned against me, after some atrocious conflicts in which they all ganged up on me nd judged me, name-calling, very hurtful things too, provoked me. i been dealing with some serious mental uh 'issues' on my own nd when this happend i was already on the verge of a breakdown nd the good news is while the conflict happened i kept telling myself theyre only reflecting me u can get thru it etc. Later i looked at the hard facts nd realised some of the hurtful things they said were my deep secret feelings abt myself. BUT my question is why the HELL cant they talk to me like normal people? confronting one person vs whole family, why?! i felt so small nd like an object, nd not a single person defended me. am i not a part of the family?

Part 2 is simply its been a week and theyve still been cold towards me as if I yelled AT THEM ABT THEIR PAINFUL 'tRuThS' in front of EVERYONE LMAOOO. At first if i was around we'd have dinner together while they'd all talk to each other like best friends aka sickeningly overly friendly while completely IGNORING me while i sat there. i could tolerate it. I WAS PISSED AT THEM TOO Now its too painful. They're having dinner without telling me, yesterday didnt leave enough food for me knowing i hadnt eaten, serve tea/snacks without my portion. i honestly feel so unspeakably trigered nd sad. worst is these things r reminding me of deep school memories when id feel excluded like this by other kids at parties or class activities nd its like im back there. anyway im glad i controled myself a bit nd didnt counter with horrid things abt them to THEM yet they think they can say the same to me. im so hurt rn i cant even tell u lol i was okay the whole week but now its too much,, ive been crying the whole day

thing is, ik this seems like 'im a victim oh noooo they ganged up on meee'. Nope its more like how do i change myself to change them?! u could say why not talk to them how they made u feel, except whenever ive defended myself in the past regarding hurtful things they/anyone in family did, the siblings/parents would say irritating things like: "oh so YOU'RE the one hurt? Oh thats right, its because YOU'RE right! yes, yes, you're always right. Forgive me for saying anything against the perfect person u are." Or one of them says: "You?! I hurt YOU? What about me? You don't care about me! So you think what ur doing is okay?" or "no, who do YOU think u are to tell ME what to do?" it just goes in circles like this! i dont deserve to hurt myself or do smth to myself even if they dont give a damn, even if years of silent suffering of the 'mEntAL pRoBlEms' (which my lovely parents have already told me is my fault years ago, hence why I NEVER show it to them, unless im crying too much then lol they just mock me, but idc abt THAT bcoz now ik i hav a right to let out my emotions)). i mean this is worse rjan usual. its kinda insane nd when guests come they start talking to me as if nothing's wrong then when they leave, they ignore me!

this whole twisted dynamics, feelijf left out nd helpless is ig some crazy assumptin from childhood of being alone nd unable to defend myself. plus when they argye with anyone, they become overly self-righteous nd over the years its clear they can only scream, blame the scapegoat and never talk abt serious matter like normal ppl. And yes, in the past when i bring this up, they like to reply with stuff like: "no YOU'RE the one who doesnt talk to US bla bla" like, when i do u just shut me down? have belittled my mental 'issues', mocked me when im at my worst, stabbed me with cruel silent treatments nd thinking its alright "bcoz of self-righteousness blegh". Or maybe i think its okay for them to punish me? or whatev? Like law says u get what u r. if these ~~~ keep doing this to me, im doubly ashamed to say this means im the one at fault?! i let this monster assunptin grow nd now idk what to do. the worst thing imo is how i failed to tell them,even if they ignored me in the past, how i feel when anything like this or a conflict happens nd none of them stand up for me, or at least are neutral to me. bcoz now if i do, they say nope, u dont care what we do, YOUR the shameless one :! so yeah they hav the advantage of 'numbwrs' while im too afraid to stand up for myself lol. btw they never apologize nd i suspect they expect ME to apologize to TYEM bcoz everything's already ruined bcoz of 'me'..... i give up on them, i really do, but my heart hurts. Either i harden my heart, nd save up to move out, OR i try to change my self or whatev assumptins i have. But how do i do that? i try afirming: "my familys so nice to me, im respected by them" but it feels so fake tears literally enter my eyes lol

firstly i want to say, thank you for coming here to vent and being open about your feelings. it’s so important sometimes to just let it all out, without holding back. so that way you can move forward more bravely, to create the life you truly want to experience. that being said, i am going to be completely honest with you here in hopes that perhaps it may inspire you and you will be ready to do what is needed for the life you truly want to experience.

“BUT my question is why the HELL cant they talk to me like normal people?” -> “i felt so small nd like an object, nd not a single person defended me. am i not a part of the family?” here is your question, and here is your answer. i think that being completely honest when venting your feelings can actually be so helpful, because if you read back what you have said, you will be able to clearly find the patterns that are creating your personal hell. FEELING IS THE SECRET. ASSUMPTIONS HARDEN INTO FACT. the true way you feel, becomes your experience. Feelings/assumptions/beliefs come first, and the experiences come second to confirm them. That’s all that’s happening here.

i am glad that you were able to keep your reactions to a minimum! that's wonderful and as many of us know, it can sometimes be hard to do in such hurtful circumstances. but you managed to do it, this shows just a small glimpse of the power you truly hold within. although emotionally you may feel out of control, there is still the choice to choose better for yourself which you demonstrated through your reaction to them. good for you!

the truth is, you acknowledge the victim mindset to seem like you’re not engulfed in it, but no, you’re still very clearly engulfed in it. as i have said before, you can’t be a VICTOR and feel bad about it. feeling bad about taking responsibility, about everyone is you pushed out, about any of these types of concepts automatically shows a victim mindset. talking to them won’t do anything, because there are no second causes. you could talk to them nicely, you could be the nicest person in the world. but you can’t pretend your way out of your inner world. your inner world is the one and only cause of your experiences. until you change the story you tell yourself, they will stay the same. this is a hard pill to swallow sometimes. and it can feel heavily, because it’s ultimately only you’re choice. they can’t change until you do. the heaviness of the situation may make it seem impossible to turn around, but that’s just an illusion. your emotional attachment to the situation makes it seem so real and hard to change, but no. that’s just an illusion too. however, it’s ultimately your choice. Do you want to take responsibility for your life, or do you want to keep being tossed around like your lost at sea, victim to the merciless angry waves? Because we always have a choice. No one chooses your inner world, you do. No one can go into your mind and decide things for you, that’s only your job.

you can harden your heart, but who would be the one who suffers more? It won’t be your family, i can assure you. it’ll only be you. by doing that, you keep that old story alive and therefore you keep experiencing it. you keep those stories alive that are desperately showing themselves to you, saying “LET US GO.” but you remain identified with those painful stories, so you grip onto them tight. you keep on thinking of possible reasons for their behavior, but you could just read your entire ask back to yourself and you’ll see every reason. your reactions, your beliefs about them, your emotional pain. its your refusal to let those things go, and focus on what you truly want that keeps you in this state and keeps them in this state. sure it’s painful to face the responsibility at first, but it’s not a blame game. thinking its about blame is just a misunderstanding of the teachings. it’s not about they’re so perfect and you’re so not, so you have to change your ways. it’s about this is how life works here. this is about... you can ONLY ever experience self. whatever is going on within, will be reflected in your outer world. it’s about how they can’t change, UNTIL YOU DO. so instead of feeling sorry for yourself, you have to decide to give yourself the gift of a wonderful life because you have that power too. you stop deciding they can be in control of your experience, and you decide your experience yourself.

to change your assumptions, stop trying to affirm over them and actually face what’s keeping you from believing in your desires. yeah, it’s going to be painful and uncomfortable. but you need to face the pain that you’re running away from, so that it can finally be released. you have to realize, it only stayed true because you believed it to be true. and if you are to live a life free from that story, and experience a more desirable story, then you must let the pain go. give yourself love and grace as you work through it, and know that there is a more beautiful side of life that awaits for you to accept it in.

No One To Change But Self

There is Nothing to Forgive

How to Sit with Your Triggers

give yourself the time you need, it's not race. the love that you wish to experience exists, allow it in. 💖

[shoshie]

hi poosie 💞🌺💘 im going w 3 nights by dominic fike; emotional by okaywil; honest by the neighborhood; devil i know by allie x; sweet disposition by the temper trap; very nice by seventeen; moonlight by dhruv; rain by ben platt; home by phillip phillips; just friends by jordy; timebomb by walk the moon; cross my heart by marianas trench; shatter me by lindsey striling; paris is burning by st vincent; arrival of the birds by the cinematic orchestra; nyc girl by the orion experience; relay by fiona apple; dnd by glaive; sympathy by vampire weekend; december 1963 by frankie valli & the four seasons; and step with me by mika.

if ur thinking ‘h what the fuck’ you & i would b thinking the same thing. i kept adding songs bc im like ‘ah shit what if they hate the one i suggested?’ so i added 2 more. and then yk . i kept adding until my spotify app weirdly refreshed and i took it as a sign from god to stfu and finish the list so !!! that’s what i have !!! i hope ur having a lovely lovely day & that u like at Least one on this list 💓❣️💘🌺💞‼️

i’m gonna tell u what i think of each song BUT i’m putting it under a read more lkdhfbf

1. 3 nights: i realized i’ve actually heard this one BUT not the whole song so it’s ok! i like it it’s v chill v vibey it sounds like streetlights reflecting off a wet road <3 (i am incapable of describing songs with adjectives)

2. emotional: the instrument in the background of this is rly cool idk it’s like. it kinda sounds like hitting spoons on a glass but more musical & almost piano like? i rly like it tho, this song sounds like bright colors & peaches :D

3. honest: this one kinda sounds like one of those ones that makes ur brain go brrrr ‼️ its like. laced w something kfjbjsbfksnv musically it’s not rly my thing but i can appreciate it as a song <3

4. devil i know: i only know one allie x song (can’t stop now) so i wasn’t sure what this would sound like but it’s kinda insane??? the background vocals r so cool i love the humming :0 v sexie nd her voice is so beautiful omg

5. sweet disposition: this feels oddly familiar. i don’t think i’ve heard it tho. it kinda reminds me of say geronimo if u know that one? it sounds like adventure kind of, like it could be used in a travel vlog (complimentary)

6. very nice: aju NICE babababdadadabbabda!!!! i’ve heard this one but i don’t mind listening to it again <3 bop banger etc. good vocals amazing horns in the chorus also if u haven’t seen the choreo i would definitely recommend it it’s so fun

7. moonlight: this is so pretty omg 🥺 i got a mental image of like. sitting on top of a car w someone u love & watching a meteor shower on a clear night. very chill his voice is so lovely

8. rain: ben platt’s voice is gorgeous. this is not the type of music i would have expected from him though??? idk he doesn’t seem like the pop music type of person. i think i prefer some of his other music (cough grow as we go cough) but this is a solid song

9.. home: ive heard this but not since i was like 10 so the nostalgia i got from it,,,, :’) home also sounds like a travel vlog song a bit! i think its the oooohhhhhohohohs in the post chorus (?). this song just reminds me of my childhood i used to hear it all the time on the radio sitting in the backseat <3

10. just friends: I HAVE ALSO HEARD THIS BUT IDK WHERE the beginning played nd i was like wait a minute. OH!! its so nice i love how simple the instrumentals are & jordy has a rly pretty voice as well!! the melody is so addictive as well

halfway done! this is fun<3

11. timebomb: bop?? this could be used in the soundtrack to a romcom tv show directed at teenagers (once again. what are adjectives) it reminds me of when shut up and dance came out nd everyone was obsessed with it.. that was a better time i think

12. cross my heart: headbanging songs > the lyrics to this one r a little basic but thats ok not every song has to have deep profound lyrics that make u feel existential. this is certainly a banger yessir. the ending is cool too i love harmonies

13. shatter me: scawy... the imagery in this is insane "i pirouette in the dark" UM?? this sounds like a movie hello. imagine WAI HISNFVNKDNV THE DROP???? THE VIOLIN?????? i litrally just had to interrupt myself that was not an exaggerated reaction. ANYWAYS i was going to say: the movie scene im imagining is like. it keeps cutting between a girl doing ballet in dark, foggy lighting & a fight scene

14. paris is burning: dark alleyways & vintage movies!!! i enjoyed this more than i expected to? im picturing a girlboss character, maybe a spy? in all black & carrying a purse walking down the street. but she has to be wearing one of those black hats w a veil in the front & a flower on the brim, an ankle-length velvety black coat, & heels that go plonk on the cobblestone

15. arrival of the birds: THIS IS SO BEAUTIFUL!!!! OMG! blue skies & green grass at a state park!!! i love it so much actually this went in my healing playlist <333 the way it built up in the best way.. tears

16. nyc girl: ok the guitar in the intro??? this is fuckign music truly one of the most songs ive ever heard. the bass fucks as well i rly like this one :D its so catchy im already bopping nd ik later im gonna b going "im gonna make u ma ha hine"

17. relay: the lyrics are so good???? its not a song that id probably listen to very often just bc its musically not my type of thing BUT i respect it a lot. shes obviously a super talented artist like i looked up the lyrics nd apparently she wrote the repeated line when she was 15??? i love what the song is about!

18. dnd: the production on the vocals is a lil bit strange but i like the song itself if that makes sense. its like mitam where the songs r mixed weirdly but i enjoy the songs anyway? i did think for abt a minute that the title referred to dungeons & dragons tho,, also i just looked up the artist and he is ALSO 15 what the FUCK

19. sympathy: the GUITARRRRR omg omgogmomg!! i rly love the whole intro like the first 30 seconds r just *chefs kiss*. OOH bass solo sexyyyyy i love prominent bass :D the instrumentals r really nice too & it reminds me of like. a heist? like a found family of thieves. this song would play as they were breaking into a museum or smth

20. december 1963: GROOVY! simply a fkin tune idk dude like this IS fun nd makes me think of roadtrips during the summer & also of walking along a dock in a harbor under the moonlight. very much floaty yellow dress vibes this song is just a mood booster

21. step with me: domestic. domesticity. thats it. no but the chorus is rly nice omg i like the melody!!! its so cute too the lyrics r so wholesome.. this sounds like an old couple thats been married for 50 years dancing to the radio in their kitchen <333 life goals

[yubathegnome]

shakespearean au: sge concept

warning - this is long and contains otk spoilers (and macbeth spoilers lol). no i do not offer refunds for time wasted. but if u don’t read this, i will find u because my fatigue is fuelling me w anger :)

11:00 pm: ok so I was casually floating in a bowl of water (segue- what is the point of baths? you can literally do the same things in ur bed but dry...) thinking about how great a shakespearean au would be... yes, I hate Shakespeare’s pretentious ass and if I have to read Romeo and Juliet one more time, I might obliterate my existence. however, imagine the drama of a midsummer nights dream au- immaculate fairy hallucinogenic woods vibes w the magic of fairies that could be linked to sge, just everyone going insane bacchanal in the woods. sadly there are more characters in this play than unnecessary first years in TCY so I decided to try twelfth night instead. 

12:30 am: ok, I have tried every combination of characters possible for twelfth night (just imagine - agatha in the position of duke orsino and tedros in the position of viola, ah the angsty friends to lovers, the jealousy arc potential, misunderstood love ahh) but I always ended up w an agaphie... incident (sweet home alabama)

2:00 am: tried hamlet, taming of the shrew and king lear (plot is way to depressing)... becoming delusional

2:30 am: I WON’T GIVE UP UNTIL SHAKESPEARE IS AT MY KNEES, HERE I PRESENT U ... MACBETH

macbeth au

if u don’t know the plot... uncultured. jk i blame the british education system for my knowledge of this play but here’s a plot summary

let’s pretend scotland is camelot? yeah, just do it.

also: “Fair is foul, and foul is fair, hover through fog and filthy air.” (aka the only quote i can lowkey remember from year 9 for an absolute trash equivocation essay i waffled)

oh and also “what, you egg?” (he stabs him) - do i even have to explain the amazing significance of this quote? pls keep reading, i’m not insane.

character list:

macbeth - rhian

ok confession - i love rhian, 100% didn’t deserve to die so here he can be the tragic protagonist

outshone tedros in QFG (not that hard tbh) and gave us a glimpse of never!tedros’ potential character similarities - corrupted by evil, assuming that there r good intentions in evil people, kinda power hungry, thinks he deserves a position he really doesn’t, tricked by a prophecy

he’s a simp for sophie lets be honest (soz keian shippers) so the choice for lady macbeth should be...

lady macbeth - sophie 

ok, just imagine, no morals/manipulative sophie slowly going insane and having power over powerful men- my fave trope of her wanting to kill rafal/king duncan but unable to pull through last minute because of her daddy issues... yes <3

slowly going insane cus she can’t balance her evilness and her humanity

the hand washing scene... 

“Look like the innocent flower, But be the serpent under it.”

the guards that are killed by lady macbeth and macbeth - nicola and hort 

they were a cute duo when they investigate in QFG and that’s abt it, hence the short roles

the dagger - excalibur

cursed swords check

3 witches - mistral sisters

bruh this is perfect, i don’t have to explain, this is all slotting into place

king duncan - ... yoooo, does it really matter, just the previous king of Camelot. wait maybe that Uther guy. whatever.

banquo - chaddick 

im tired, ur just gonna have to pretend that tedros is king arthur’s grandson and yes, chaddick’s son

i shall allow chaddick to have an actual role where he is a humble, loyal knight who isn’t just conveniently used to fulfil some random prophecy... oh wait poor guy was wronged so bad in TCY- ok ik he dies in macbeth too but like he has a bigger role here than in the 6 sge books. chaddick/ banquo are good plot devices that only exist so the prophecy makes sense, bingo!

macduff - tedros 

c-section king

he just would be that character with the unique and coincidental part of his past that allows him to be king

young and underestimated check

daddy issues and family trauma

kinda doesn’t deserve to be king but uno what, ~prophecies~ 

(just forget abt malcolm’s existence, i have the power now)

the king of england - agatha

agatha as king... we love to see it yes this is my way of incorporating tagatha just pretend macduff falls in love with the king of england ok.  agatha breaks the news that tedros’ dad has just died- cute comforting scene

 scottish macduff realises the english are ok just like tedros realises agatha isn’t a witch... idk someone write a oneshot

3:30 am:

me: let’s fix all my mistakes w some aesthetic mood board ideas.

*types in “macbeth aesthetic” into pinterest* *chooses the first 3 images*

this is very much adequate

4:00 am; do what you will with this information, people of the internet. this doesn’t even make sense at this point. can’t wait for the black coffee overdose my body will endure tomorrow :) also i love how the sleep deprivation slowly makes my tone more aggressive. im a simp for tagatha but rhian being the main character makes me happy. how do y’all make ur theories and stuff all pretty. WAIT NO COVEN! wait no hester oml... ok maybe the 3 witches might have to be the coven, wow, i can’t believe i’ve done this.

ok imagine them all running around in a circle chanting “Double, double, toil and trouble; Fire burn, and cauldron bubble!” - iconic

 ok, they can be the king of england’s attendants.

4:15 am: haha just brushed my teeth... why is this so chaotic. i cant get myself to proof read this because then i have to acknowledge how much time i have acc wasted so pls be traumatised by this chronic brain puke. will i ever write this fic... probably not but miracles happen. good night girls and gays - sweet dreams :) probs will regret this in the morning... oh how i worship the anonymity of tumblr

ps - currently writing a hate essay on hort which i might never release on fear of assasination by 12 year olds... we love to see it

pps - if u made it this far, idk what to tell u, u have perseverance. or maybe u just can’t read. how do i end these things and why am i treating this like a dear diary blog. goodbye. oh yeah, can some sge accounts maybe like... idk... interact w me uwu. i will go insane if i have to play devil’s advocate w myself any longer... GOODNIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!

[dulharpa]

this is for hayley! @whistlingwillows a dear friend <3333

it’s meant to be a birthday present haha. i just want to shower you in love;;; so thought maybe i could go through as many of your fics and comment on them :^)))

(TO EVERYONE ELSE: please go to @whistlingwillows blog and read her fics!!! they are SO FCKIN GOOD AND AMAZING AND UGH HER MIND (it’s a lot of mcu and her bucky and steve fics are a*. i DEFINITELY RECOMMEND))

i wish you a VERY happy birthday and i hope we stay friends for many more years <3333333333 

i’m going through your masterlist heehee ;)))

ah first off, nice theme! i never could rlly see it before because i’m always on mobile heehee. also sorry for not reviewing them before??? i don’t usually read fics on tumblr as you’ve probably guessed;;

anyways, IM GON REVIEW THE SHIT OUT OF THESE >:DDDD

far from home -  bucky x stark sister!reader

firstly, i like how youre introducing the reader from buckys pov, like you can sort of already gather what shes like from them

‘Bucky can hear Tony’s soft inhale, feel the intensity of the man’s glare directed at Steve. He shouldn’t be eavesdropping, but a twitch of muscle would be enough to alert both men that he’s here. With the amount of tension crackling in the air, a brush against the wall would be equivalent to a thousand cymbals crashing in cacophony.’

IM CRYING ALREADY. the imagery in here is GLORIOUS. your tone here is so fitting! oo and the alliteration here is perfecto

ooooooo!! the backstory coming in  👀👀

‘despite what some people think that Steve and Captain America are two different personas, there will always be parts of Steve in the Avenger, and parts of the Avenger in Steve. They both want to believe in something good. They are, after all, one in the same.// Just as how Bucky and the Winter Soldier are the same man despite everything. HYDRA simply amplified the hate, fertilized the seeds of rage, curated the quiet thunder within his soul, within James Buchanan Barnes so that the Winter Soldier could thrive.’

yIKES! lol this is very character study like! nICE. it hurts tho, my poor children, i love you both 

oo ‘starlight eyes’ that is a very nice way of describing them

‘“Then what was London?” The protesters. “São Paulo?” The earthquake. “Vancouver?” Freezing cold water.//“Look, I care if Stark’s gonna run us over trying to find her. I care enough because she’s part of our team. Come off it, Steve. I know she can take care of herself. I’m gonna take a nap. Dr. Cho said no partying post-Singapore and what do you know, we throw the biggest party ever.’

ooo singapore uwu and london? (coincidence? haha jkjk) and the hints abt reader and buckys background are so good?? but so annoying??? like i just wanna KNOW yknow?? 

‘The water runs copper and the sting bites at his palm as he tries not to think. Tries to focus on the numbing cold that runs over his skin.’ 

your imagery is so vivid?? im actually in awe??? i am so regretful i havent kept reading your fics. like i know they are amazing, i just keep putting them off??? idk man. hopefully this makes up for it (gd tho, im still not done with commenting on one fic. this is what im doing with my motivation teehee ;)

‘ He feels weak. Tired. He wants to go back to bed but he also wants to stay out in the sun for a few hours more. The sun kisses his skin through the windows and he squints against the blue sky, wondering ‘

mood during this quarantine lol

‘“Oh, right.” Your voice is flat, uninterested, cold, as you stare at him. “You killed my parents.”Shit.‘

 OUCH LMAO THATS C O L D, O GOT +100 PHYSIC DAMAGE FROM JUST READING THAT

ooo robin as a nickname noice. very much gives me batman vibes lol

oh! and the way of doing the ‘flashback’ is neat! very original. it both tells us what happened AND buckys reaction to it again. he can re-analyse himself and reader. very cool

‘If you walk away now, don’t bother coming back!” Silence. Bucky can hear his own strained breathing, your soft sigh as you soaked in his ultimatum.’

👀👀 yikes that ultimatum. :// not good bucky. tbf theyre both trying to hurt each other but Yikes

eyy!!! readers pov!! finally! and the switch after we find out the outsiders pov? brilliant

oh no :(( more angst

‘When’s the last time you saw your therapist?”“Don’t have one. I’m perfectly capable of taking care of myself.”’ they BOTH need therapists;;;;

very good fic!!! :DD they rlly do hate each other! i definitely like how you went back and forth with the timeline! it gave me a v strong idea on what yn was like even before we rlly got introduced. i am now very curious on where reader is? i love your characterisations! 

i will read the 10k+ fics but heck the last one took me ages lolol (i will comment in the future tho!! i promise <3 ) (that took me over an hour jjhghgdjh)

slipping away- amnesiac modern bucky x reader

omg,,, AMNESIA! >:DDDDDD

‘ Put your fucking seatbelt on’

oh no, istg theyre going to have a car crash arent they (’ doesn’t put the seatbelt on to spite you.’ NO PLEASE PUT IT ON U DUMBASS)

ok,,,,, at LEAST he put it on before he got hit, thank heck. but still. youre so cruel to your poor characters lmaoo

oh gosh

‘You fall apart slowly, like pieces of you peeling away until you’re nothing more than your broken heart. The sobs that wrack your body are relentless and you shove your forearm into your mouth to muffle your cries. You want to bite into your skin. You want to distract yourself from the agony tearing you to shreds. You want to feel anything but the pain.///Tears sweep into your hair, cloud your vision and your whole face floods with heat as you try to breathe through the pain. You’re cleaved into pieces on that bed, eyes squeezed shut as the tears keep flowing, and your throat burns’

this hurts damn, it is so vivid?? i can really feel it 

i am so glad you got into writing yk?? so glad

NO PLS, TELL HIM. TELL HIM :((( ‘shes nice once you get to know her?? shes known nat for years now!! years!!

oh god ‘he looks younger without the burden of your time together’ this is so angsty omg

‘Well, he was stumbling through his apology and I just let him finish.” Your body fills with warmth as you remember his embarrassed smile, the way he shoved his baseball cap farther down his head, chin tucked to his chest, trying to hide that face. “When he was done, I opened my mouth to say something polite but what came out was ‘You look like someone I’d very much like to kiss’.”

this is so soft i stg im crying in the club

OH SHITTTTTTTTTTT , you left it off like that!!! thats so cruel!!!! i can’t!!! how dare you!!!! :””””””((( im typing this with tears in my eyes ill have u know!!

anyway!!! very good fic!! you could honestly make that into a longfic very easily lol. i felt too many emotions :(( 

i was just about to say where is the fluff!! where is it!! when i saw the next one and yay :))) pls i cant have more angsty stuff rn

.

cookies and rings and things bucky and reader

‘how much do you love me?’ ‘count the snowflakes, multiply by a million’

did you have to start the fic off with such a SOFT line? its so soft! so TENDER 

‘He wonders what kinda insane person wears socks without any clothes on, but then decides that it’s the kind of person who’s fallen in love with him.’  jesus, the soft moments filled with love are the greatest <3

you can write fluff so well, whyd you have to pain me with all that angst ;””””) (1/10 hurt, 9/10 comfort is the way to go lolol) (jkjk ill read the angsty ones too when i have the spoons) (gonna reread that hydra steve one and ik thatll fuck me UP)

‘ Then, he can feel the cold metal of the ring she slid onto her own finger less than twenty-four hours ago and realizes that he had thought a lot of things shouldn’t be possible, and yet they still are. ‘

you literally brought me to tears reading this softness, you have truly found my weakness

‘ She’s so damn gorgeous with flour on her face and eye bags beneath her eyes that he’s sure she will inevitably make his heart burst ‘

he already likes her so much! i can’t believe this is affecting me so much :’)

‘Bucky is quite sure Sam is in love with his girlfriend in the fact that he’s in love with the fact that his girlfriend is possibly in love with Bucky’

this is so soft??? sam loves reader bc reader loves bucky sm. pls my hear <3333

you do fluff SO WELL DAMN 

‘F.R.I.D.A.Y.’s voice echoes in his small little perch and he still thinks it’s weird without having the side effect of Stark in his suit chasing after him to hear the A.I. but he shoves that uncomfortable feeling of the dead man out of his head. That is too much regret to unpack right now on a mission. ‘

yike bringing back that reminder oof

but thats so soft??? (i am def overusing soft but,,,,, i love it and the vibe) she sent him cookies! god i can feel the love  

‘She expresses her feelings through cooking, which Bucky has learnt the hard way. One time, they got into an argument over something stupid—he can’t even remember what started it—and came to the kitchen at 2AM to see her sitting at the kitchen island crying her eyes out and surrounded by baskets of muffins.’

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 my hEART

you show how much they love each other in so many ways??? i am dying

“Alright, I like it.” Rolling his eyes, he pecks her forehead and she smiles victoriously. It’s so adorable that Bucky, with less than three hours of sleep, adds, “God, I want to marry you.//”“What?”//Oh.Shit.

oh my god! i am literally tearing up!!! AGAIN!!!!!!!!

oh shit o am literally crying

your fluff got me crying harder than your angst i hope youre happy

I really hope you enjoy reading this?? i keep forgetting to like text you but i wanted to do something for your birthday. especially in quarantine when everythings gone crazy. one year i swear ill do something REALLY good for you. not making promises bc i hate if i dont. but ill like, learn how to podfic because you D E S E R V E  I T 

ive spent like three hours doing this lolol 

thank you so much for everything hayley!

[stvrwar]

wait out the plastic weather

marauders social media au | 2k words | they’re youtubers bc why not and bc @frxddi is up this trope’s ass | ao3

james potter to tucci gang: you guys see the newest vid

sirius black: you mean the newest video that all of us are fucking in

sirius black: that cideo?

sirius black: *video

remus lupin: the video you uploaded and sent all of us the link to like…twelve minutes ago?

peter pettigrew: I think he might mean that video

james potter: fuck all of you not that video

james potter: and it has a name. it is out cHILD

remus lupin: pardon me, I didn’t realize “getting kicked out of Walmart #4” fit on the birth certificate

james potter: I have small handwriting

remus lupin: my mistake

james potter: ur mistake indeed but

james potter: not our fucking video morons

peter pettigrew: ur unnecessarily mean to us

james potter: lily evans video. The woman of my dreams. The greatest youtuber to ever fucking live

sirius black: now that’s just hurtful

remus lupin: and also why the fuck would we have watched her video?

james potter: now who’s hurtful?

-

remus lupin to so pete davidson and ariana grande are engaged and idk who I am anymore: sirius why is this our chat name now

sirius black: bc idk who I am anymore

peter pettigrew: is it bc ur in love with ariana grande

james potter: he loves ariana and he’s in love with pete

remus lupin: I can’t believe you’ve never told us

peter pettigrew: im touched

remus lupin: when’s the wedding?

sirius black: okay fuck all of u she is an icon and he is hilarious

james potter: ur face is hilarious

sirius black: im leaving you for him

james potter: babe no I didn’t mean it

sirius black: u’ve hurt me too many times

james potter: I promise I’ll change for you

remus lupin removed sirius black from the chat

remus lupin removed james potter from the chat

peter pettigrew: this happens like twice a fucking week

remus lupin: so how’ve you been pete?

peter pettigrew: pretty shook about that engagement tbh

remus lupin removed peter pettigrew from the chat

remus lupin: I am an island.

-

sirius black to the office season 2 episode 7: yo Walmart 4 is on trending wtf

james potter: !!!!!!!!!

peter pettigrew: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

remus lupin: im not gonna do that

sirius black: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

james potter: what number is it on trending??? Is this twitter or youtube btw

sirius black: youtube and #6

remus lupin: shit that’s our best yet

peter pettigrew: anyone check the subscriber count recently????

sirius black: the marauders are at 3.1 million what the FUCK IS UP YO

remus lupin: im so surprised u aren’t key smashing

sirius black: is it because im gay

remus lupin: no it’s because u have massive thumbs and can’t text to save your life

remus lupin: yes because you’re gay

sirius black: that’s homophobic. Im not gay bc I keysmash

peter pettigrew: ??? neither of you are straight. ????

remus lupin: no you keysmash bc you’re gay

james potter: WE ARE TRENDING WE CAN ARGUE ABOUT THIS LATER

james potter changed chat name to BRAINSTORMING SESSION ASAP

sirus black: porn

james potter removed sirius black from the chat

peter pettigrew: tasteful porn so we don’t get demonetized

james potter: keep talking

-

james potter to twinky winky is a great porn parody title why are you booing me: aquarium vid is a goooooooooooo

remus lupin: but the question is, can we live up to Walmart 4 hype

remus lupin: bc that shit is going insane online. People love it

remus lupin: we’re hoodlums, vandals

sirius lupin: loveable vandals and hoodlums

peter pettigrew: I feel like that’s debatable tbh

remus lupin: we as a collective whole have been kicked out of four separate walmarts

remus lupin: do you know how far I have to drive to get my fried chicken at 2 am

james potter: why the fuck are you getting fried chicken at 2 am

remus lupin: I don’t need this judgement

sirius black: so how’s the aquarium vid faring

peter pettigrew: u know what sirius is being the rational one for once and im too focused on the fried chicken to be amazed

remus lupin left twinky winky is a great porn parody title why are you booing me

peter pettigrew changed the chat name to colonel lupin’s fried chicken

sirius black: is it really that rare that im the rational one?

sirius black: jk ik im a messy bitch

-

peter pettigrew to three’s company: uh. Guys has james seen this yet

peter pettigrew sent an image

remus lupin: oh fuck

sirius black: well I haven’t heard any high pitched screeching yet so, no

peter pettigrew: she’s got more subscribers than we do, it would be good for the channel

sirius black: she’s a video game streamer what sorta collab are we supposed to do with that

remus lupin: idk, maybe a vid on her channel, a vid on ours? She’s in the same city so like, shouldn’t be too hard, right?

sirius black: welp he’s screaming so he definitely has seen the comment now.

-

james potter to chad and ryan were gay fuck you disney: “hey we should totally do a collab sometime! Message me :)”

sirius black: u have sent that TWELVE FUCKING TIMES NOW

sirius black: TWELVE

remus lupin: let the boy live

peter pettigrew: okay but the smiling is a little concerning tbh

remus lupin: @james potter have you even sent the fucked message yet? What did it say?

james potter: “hey! I’m so excited that you wanted to do a collab with us! I love your channel and doing something would be super great for both of us. Anything you had in mind?”

james potter: did I come off as a crazy person?

sirius black: in the best way possible

remus lupin: somehow that doesn’t feel like a compliment?

peter pettigrew: maybe you should use MORE exclamation points

james potter: stfu I am an expert at talking to the most beautiful woman in the world

sirius black: excuse me

james potter: I said woman

sirius black: tell me im pretty

-

james potter to little pig boy comes from the dirt: fuck gotta clean this shit up

james potter changed chat name to the marauders group chat

sirus black: ??????????????? wtf

remus lupin: has james been bodyswapped

peter pettigrew: like the movie face/off with nic cage?

remus lupin: I feel like there are better examples of body swapping

james potter added lily evans to the marauders group chat

sirius black: oh fuck now that makes sense

remus lupin changed chat name to little pig boy comes from the dirt

lily evans: from that SNL skit?

lily evans: I fucking love pete davidson tbh even though he breaks in like every skit

lily evans: did you guys hear that he and ariana got engaged? Idk who I’m more jealous of

sirius black removed james potter from the chat

sirius black: she’s our new james

-

peter pettigrew to owen wilson saying yeah for 2 hrs: drink every time someone comments about sirius’s appearance on a vid

james potter: “im a simple girl. I see sirius, I click.”

remus lupin: the words that will haunt my nightmare

james potter: the comments on the drag trying vid are…bonkers

peter pettigrew: who even says bonkers

lily evans: wow okay some of these commenters are…creative

james potter: by creative, do you mean terrifying?

lily evans: yes yes I do

remus lupin: I don’t even get it. He’s not that great looking?

sirius black: okay fuck you, u trick ass hoe

remus lupin: like, you cannot be everyone’s type

sirus black: trick ass hoe

remus lupin: im just being rational. You’re also like out. So who is thinking that saying they wanna have your babies is valid

lily evans: surrogacy?

peter pettigrew: sperm donation?

james potter: adoption?

remus lupin: fuck all of you individually and as a unit

sirius black: trick ass hoe

-

lily evans to shake shake shake senora: okay just posted my collab vid let’s see how this goes

james potter: what did u end up calling it?

lily evans: “i teach 4 idiots how to play overwatch”

sirius black: harsh but fair

remus lupin: we didn’t do that badly

peter pettigrew: remus die with dignity we did fucking awful

james potter: idk what it meant when lily kept calling me a hanzo main and laughing but it felt hurtful

lily evans: good. It was.

-

remus lupin to three rings to rule them all: so has james seen that people are shipping him and lily yet

remus lupin: because we should NOt let him know about that

peter pettigrew: he’d fucking cry

sirius black: theyd be called lames

sirius black: ha

-

sirius black to james potter: dude you gotta stop staring at lily when she comes over for pizza nights

sirius black: she’s gonna notice

sirius black: or like stop pretending that she isn’t noticing

james potter: wait you think she’s noticed

sirius black: christ you dumbass

-

lily evans to marlene mckinnon: you seen my newest collab with the marauders

marlene mckinnon: we’re roommates, obvi

marlene mckinnon: did u steal my lipstick

lily evans: okay but like. The comments

lily evans: …………………………………..what of it

marlene mckinnon: gonna kill u evans <3

marlene mckinnon: okay wow they really want u to get all up on glasses

lily evans: that one’s potter

marlene mckinnon: they want u to climb him like a tree

marlene mckinnon: do the horizontal tango

marlene mckinnon: netflix and chill

lily evans: these are getting less clever

marlene mckinnon: suck his dick

-

peter pettigrew to wwlbd (what would leonard bernstein do): uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh guys we are on tv

peter pettigrew: TV LIKE WE ARE ON FUCKIN TV

peter pettigrew: TELEVISION

sirius black: what

james potter: what

remus lupin: what

peter pettigrew: OKAY like not us but like. Our video. Walmart #4

remus lupin: great now everyone’s gonna know we’re fucking vandals

james potter: im fucking crying

sirius black: IM FUCKING CRYING

peter pettigrew: oh shit now it’s the video with @Lily Evans

peter pettigrew: we are being called charming and loveable with an “adoring” fanbase

lily evans: oh my god??????????? How’d you (we) even end up on tv

peter pettigrew: idfk! Some like...social media segment or something

-

sirius black to smonk wed: settle a bet for me

remus lupin: christ here we go

sirius black: I don’t appreciate the tone

remus lupin: christ! Here we go!

sirius black: whatver, acceptable, james wants to bone lily

remus lupin: uh

peter pettigrew: that be known

remus lupin: u know this isn’t the three man chat right

lily evans: uh

james potter removed sirius black from the chat

-

peter pettigrew to remus owes me like $20 and some triscuits: who ate all my freezy pops

sirius black: who the fuck calls them freezy pops

remus lupin: who let you back into any of the chats

sirius black: fuk u m8

james potter: he was crying so i let him back in

sirius black: and lily isn’t in this chat so i can say all the shit i want

james potter: i wish u wouldn’t

remus lupin: seconded

peter pettigrew removed sirius black from the chat

james potter: problem solved! peter pettigrew: okay but who ate my freezy pops

-

lily evan to james potter: so are we going to talk about it

james potter: about what precisely

lily evans: the revolution of the moon and the fact it’s made of cheese?

james potter: ah yes, it’s swiss btw

lily evans: the moon?

james potter: clearly

-

COMMENTS ON “THE MARAUDERS TRY DRAG FT. LILY EVANS (EVANSLY)

Chaitea7: oh my god why the fuck is sirius so pretty im jealous wtf

Janeyloo: okay but anybody else picking up on the tension between james and the redhead??

                  VIEW REPLIES

                            4marauderssssss: @Janeyloo that’s lily evans, she’s                                        another youtuber and she’s fucking great

                            dva-main3: they are definitely a thing, i agree

                            greektragdy: okay but does this make their ship name                                       lames? LIMES?

thomasthetrainbdsm: is wormtail ever gonna make another appearance? I love that funky little rat

dwightkshroooot: okay but why isn’t lily actually a like...try vlogger like these guys? she outdid sirius which is like. Unheard of.

                  VIEW REPLIES

                             dianaprinces234: like i never thought id see the day

                             yalldve: she looks so good wtf im shook

dhfakjshdgljdsl: i want lily evans to step on me and i would                              say thank you

                  VIEW REPLIES

                             honeynutcheetos: p sure james thinks the same thing lmao

                             011000110110000101110100: lmao right???? Im so gay

                            TheMarauders: I definitely think the same thing -James                                     Potter

[spicymcmi-archived]

🥝🥝🥝🥝🥝

This was like the hardest list i ever had to make. i want everyone to know they’re all my faves, but i was asked for five and I esp gave some love to peeps I notice y’all are sleeping on? So I’m bringing them to the light :D

@vancuxer​: lmfao i don’t even know where to start. how long as it been? 2?? 3 years??? damn we’re crazy. but that’s why i love you! lizzy is number one and y’all aren’t even listed in order. she’s just number one and the rest fall into the same category. the greatest writer and probably the closest friend i have ever made on here. i can’t even express how grateful i am in just the rp world? like my muses have grown so much and it is 60% due to writing opposite to you. guys, you have no idea how wonderful this bitch can write and like discover things about your muses you didn’t even know you have. i trust her so much, she can get away with god modding if she wanted bc ik that’s how much she loves and respects my muses. I could keep going on how much ily but just thank you for being in ma life, both online and irl. also i’d probably have had like six-hundred mental breakdowns with you, so the fact you haven’t run for the hills, also adds in a bonus. bc i am crazy. 

@ciphvr​: my teenie, tiny bby!! the little sister i never thought i’d gain on here, but somehow did! But boy can this wonderful little munchkin write! And give advice! And just listen and be such a great friend. Tiny has the biggest heart and I think that’s what I admire most. Past her phenomenal writing skills, once you’re enclosed in her arms, you’ll never want to let go. Plus our threads are some of the greatest I’ve ever written? Like you bring out a side of my muses I never thought possible and it is simply because of how engaging your muses are? And you write so eloquently but still in a fashion that is understandable and legible? It’s a wonderful skill to have. And for you to have it so young still boggles my mind. I still cannot believe you were ever nervous to message me because you are on my level! A Beyonce for a Meghan! You’re the peanut butter to my jelly; the Canada to my Mexico, the Lucy to my Peter. ALSO SHE LIVES FOR DIVERSITY Y’ALL!!! CAN’T FIND THAT EVERYDAY! And yes, my girl Tiny is white, so the point is no one has excuses. Because if this woke baby  can give me some diversity in religion, race, and sexuality?? All y’all can too. The point is Tiny is better in every conceivable way than like 60% of you and you should be ashamed because you’re all at least 5 years older. 

@simplyamplex​: Wonderful starters, dynamic muses, and interesting plots: I cannot believe you have blessed me with your presence time and time again. Also that you keep giving me muses to write with. I never feel overwhelmed when I am replying to you because I have so much love and appreciation for our threads? Plus A, you’re like awesome to talk to. Old as a dinosaur (she didn’t know what drag me meant) but I love her anyways. If you guys need some big sister guidance in your life, this bitch is the one to go to. Also it is so hard to find someone who gives the same amount of attention to my females as they do my males???? You’re amazing sweetie, keep going. 

@regiiium: when i say y’all are sleeping on peeps I MEAN YOU ARE SLEEPING ON MAH BITCH RIGHT. HERE! An entire blog filled with mainly woc and all of their bios intersect? As in the majority of your interactions could overlap and create a broader storyline than you could’ve imagined? Idk what more y’all want. I can HC with Esme for DAYSSSS!! Like we could have two replies out and yet here I am, gabbing with you about everything that can be done. She is also such a great writer? I know I’m saying that about everyone about this list, but her specialty is interacting with your muse. Like whether they’re enemies, friends or romantic - her muses somehow make you explore yours in ways you never thought?? like I am so grateful her blog exists and??? sometimes the shit gets supernatural??? LIKE?? SLEEPING FOR WHAT? FOR WHAT! GO APPRECIATE MY BAE AND GIVE HER THE LOVE I KNOW ESME DESERVES THANK YOU!

@sapphickwrites​: idk what else to say other than she drives me nuts! jk. No she does, but in the best possible way. What is wrong with us??? We keep picking up plots like we’re insane and yet somehow are able to keep up with the plots we have now? Ugh. Anyways!!!! Another bae y’all need to get to know. I just- your muses? Are so different? And it shows so well??? Like even mine overlap sometimes, but not yours. You also write so that everyone can interact with you and not feel intimidated which is so rare in the RPC. Like you do this for complete fun and you make it such a relaxing activity for everyone. Idk if anyone has said it recently, but people like you are vital for the RPC to continue or we’d all be bitter scrubs yelling at each other. AND!! DIVERSITY TO THE MAX AGAIN? I haven’t seen like anyone have a John mofo Boyega which just goes to show you!!! Clearly I have a type (*cough* u use more than white fc’s *cough*). So again, this RPC would crumble without your dedication, compassion, and willingness to accept everyone into your blog??? I just feel so at home with you, whether it’s writing our threads or messaging you through IM. Plus we’re both nasty ;) with our muses so that’s a win/win in my opinion. 

@xleialevinex: PHEWWWWW ANOTHER ONE Y’ALL KEEP SLEEPING ON!! HONESTLY Y’ALL NEED TO JUST WRITE WHO I WRITE WITH OR ELSE YOU’LL BE MISSING OUT ON SOME GREAT PEOPLE?? Like my girl Bri! With one muse, she’s able to make plots that are appealing and will absorb your soul? Dragan is soft with no one but... here we are??? How talented is that? I honestly will read her threads just to get some inspiration because how you are able to mold your muse to fit any dynamic without losing your muse to another person is beyond me. I can only hope to have as much skill as you do. If you’re not writing with her, you’re missing out!! I promise you!!

[yeonjuins]

hiii! It’s the goingtouniversitysoonforgfx anon again💀💀

call me june☺️! ngl that’s what I acc go by on my blog so if you ever find it, cool and hi :) (im just anon bc im shy lmao) - honestly i really love that name and it’s my birthday month, (I finish in June too!), also one of the first krnb artists I started listening to back in 2020 is called june and I was absolutely in love w his music, like he was all I had in rotation with gsoul and couple others

i haven’t acc tried using ae yet, your guide gave me a rough idea of where to start, I just haven’t gotten round to it . Truth is I’m so so so soooooo bad w time management and getting stuff done so I couldn’t make any extra passion projects for my portfolio (I ult txt and procrastinate like crazy so put that together with having to prepare for a 6hr exam) 😭

I had this really cool idea for an Ateez zine but all I’ve done is the cover roughly and nothing else - so I just quickly made a few things and compiled school and personal stuff together and sent it off, im really bummed out about the zine because it’s something I would’ve really put my all in and be so proud of but I didn’t wanna rush it and not be proud of it 🥲 if I ever make it I’ll be sure to show you!

On the bright side I made this fairy of shampoo poster that I love and a Polaroid love poster that I made on a whim-that oddly turned out really good that I sent off, but i wanted to animate it which I ended up not doing….. I’ll get round to it eventually…..

I have 2 offers tho! Just not from where I wanna go lmao, I should have the rest by the end of March so fingers crossed..

this could be the weirdest question you’ve ever gotten but like, how do u sort all your gfx stuff..? Like resources wise (colourings, pngs, elements) idk if I’m using the right terms but you get what I’m saying right?

I do have them in folders but most of the time I go on downloading sprees and then I end up leaving everything over the place - I may have just answered my own question but I’m just wondering what works for you or if you know anyone that has anything organised in a specific way where it’s easy to navigate, u know?

SORRY FOR THIS REALLY LONG ASK, I see you’re really swamped with asks already but….yeah. I also saw that you take music recs so I wanted to make a few! (That was the originally whole reason why i was sending an ask but i rambled alot replying to ur last answer to me…)

I have a million and one favourite songs rn, but these are my faves in rotation - lmk if you’ve already heard!

snowy night - billlie

sincerity - WONPIL

super rare - epik high, wonstein and ph-1

again - def, LEON

Cool to see other DVWN Fans and also it’s really cool to see how you’ve kinda created a space to talk about music, krnb and such, I always felt like I was the only one in this music bubble skhsjsj

Anyway, ENJOY :]

(putting under read more cause lengthy response (": )

please please !! never feel bad for having a long ask (": i'm honoured really people want to talk to me hehe <3 secretly typing up my response in class right now because this class is boring LMFAO

hello june !!! i acc have a friend with the same name on here so i'll call you 'june anon' if thats alright hehe (will go back to previous asks and change the tag as well so we can look back if we ever need to <3) and I CANNOT BELIEVE JUNE WAS ONE OF YOUR FIRST KRNB ARTISTS..... if we're talking about the same person- he's also apart of plt records right?? i am absolutely in love with anyone that is aware of plt....

oh my- please i feel like that wasn't even a proper guide ;; ik i already said this but i feel like i should've gave something more structured PAHHAHA hopefully it still helps you in some sort of way ;; and a 6 hour exam wtf that's acc insane imo ):< time management is super hard (<- literally micromanages everything to get stuff done <- horrible at micromanaging <- don't micromanage either, it's horrible for mental health if you don't condone time for it)

omg zines... i absolutely love making zines they're so fun... i think the first zine i made was an isometric house illustration based off of childhood photos of my friends ;0 i think i titled it the 'HOME' project or something but that was one of my first big projects that really pushed me towards wanting to do stuff with design in my fuutre (": i entirely know what you mean by 'wanting to give it your all'... it's really polarizing but as creators you feel the weight on your shoulder to make things good esp if the topic means a lot to you ;; please do show (if you feel comfortable and if you end up making it) !!!!

wHAHHAH edits on the whim are SOOO fun... i made my animal crossing edit / gyugle on a whim and they're truly one of my favourites hehe... i think i said this with humming anon but i feel like anything associated to fos is instnatly god tier... like nothing can go wrong with it ever and that is simply the truth !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AND YAYAYAY CONGRATS ON GETTING TWO OFFERS OMG ! that's acc amazing ;0 excuse me for prying but are you perhaps in canada...? it sounds like your school system is the same as mine ;; if you don't feel comfortable with sharing though feel free to ignore !! whatever college/uni you end up going to, i'm 90% sure it's all purely what you make out of the experience (the other 10% comes from me not even . being in university so i can't entirely vouch for this PAHAHAH) i believe in you my love <3

i’m going to answer your gfx organization question in a separate text post !! just in case someone else asks me so i can just redirect it easily ;; (you can find it here!) 

oh my god i wanted to get into billie for so long because i absolutely love their debut song + concept + THEIR ?? CHOEROS ARE SO COOL (lia kim <3 she never misses... <3) snowy night feels so christmasy it’s so cute... omg i acc never listened to wonpil’s solo stuff ;; i used to be obsessed with day6 in like 8th-9th grade but his voice is so angelic and soft ): my spotify acc broke listening to wonpil’s song SO I CAN’T . PAUSE IT NOW . (<- had to force restart my phone PAHAHHAH wonpil your power...) ASDHOIAKLMW AND OMG EPIK HIGH SOOOOO TRUE.... istg the more i answer asks the more anons bring out my krnb/khiphop days... absolutely love epik high’s ‘we’ve done something wonderful’ album... no skips on that album imo but i’m not sure if everyone would like it since it does have some of those ‘old school’ vibes to it (the song is lovely btw ph-1′s part is <3) ouu i feel like i’ve heard of leon before but this song is new to me ;0 it’s so chill wHAAHA it has like..... a hint of dpr vibes to it (<- thinks about dpr live’s jasmine obsessively... i also hate the fact that i use the word ‘vibes’ but idk what else i should say like ‘energy’ sounds equally as........... ‘gen z’ to me ASOHDIMKLWA)

thank you for the song recs my love (”: and thank you for dropping by my inbox hehe like i said all the way above, i don’t mind long asks !! let’s me talk about similar interests and i just think it’s wholesome overall <3 i hope your day has been going lovely as far my angel <3

[luvdsc]

i actually just signed up for classes today and i got pretty much all the courses i wanted 🥳 i am looking forward to econ and art the most!

i was so so sad i couldn’t catch dpr’s set 😔 god la traffic is always so bad for what and i was looking forward to keshi as well but idk i was just so underwhelmed by the songs he played?? like i still enjoyed it but i think i was just disappointed bc i was hoping he’d play a song from his skeletons ep . speaking of hitc was the second time i got to see keshi live which was so surreal. that being said i’m really happy he’s getting sm more recognition he’s representing and making us viets proud!!! how close were u to the stages? i was more in the back in the first day BUT that kinda made illenium more enjoyable and i was close enough 2nd day i didn’t need to zoom in as much for joji :’)

literally not even a week after hitc i went to another concert akskdkdkf ok but this one was just absolutely insane and a completely different experience from the other shows i have ever been to since it was for a super popular rapper KAKSKDKDF me and my best friend were a double miniority being asian and girls surrounded by a bunch of non asian boys with a ton of sweat and bo 😭😭 i still had lots of fun tho like after i got out of the pit barricade and moshed outside of it. but out of all the concerts i’ve ever gone to seeing keshi back in 2019 is still the best by far i got to meet him and the opening acts take a pic w them AND one of them signed vans hehe i still have them til this day

my birthday was yesterday omg hehe me and my friends celebrated by eating out and i finally satisfied by xiao long bao cravings 🤩 we also went and got piercings too and crazy but it also happened to be my piercer’s birthday that day too 😳idk i’m an adult now but i also dont feel it kakskdkdkff

i agree with you about the all too well mv being unsettling esp when dylan and sadie were making out i was like ummmm UMMMM LMAKSKSF but ik it was done on purpose to make us uncomfortable which honestly really worked. as basic (maybe??? i am not sure tbh) as it may sound my favorites songs on red have always been red and everything has changed 😸 and its still true to now. ok i am not a fan of ed or his music at all but that song he did with taylor was just too cute especially when you watch the mv and ofc we are adding message in a bottle to it now as well into my favorites 👍 which album are you excited for to be re-recorded next? personally i am looking forward to speak now because ik im going to cry to the new ver of last kiss and back to december 🥲 - 💐 anon

aaaa omg congrats on getting all the courses you wanted, honey bee !!!! 💘 which econ are you focusing on? :o macro, micro, international, or another type? and omg art !!! what art will you be doing, sweetpea? 💞

omg i missed half of dpr because my flight kept getting delayed and eventually canceled so i had to rebook a new flight right then and there and couldn't get there in time 😭 they were sooo good live tho and i hope they come back next year 🧎🏻‍♀️ also yes, keshi was a bit underwhelming plus with the whole mic issue /: but i am over the moon that i actually got to see him perform live !!!!!! i love love love his music so much, and it felt like a dream to see him 🤧 and YES omg i'm glad he's getting more recognition and heck yea for the fellow viet pride !!! 💛 i was in the middle ! like not in the back but not very close to the front either so i still had to zoom in with my cam rip but it was sooo much fun 💓

oooo omg who did you go to see? oh god, the BO and sweat in raves and mosh pits 💀💀 it's unbelievable and i'm so glad we wear masks at concerts now. i'm glad you had a good time though, lovebug !! 🌸 NO WAY OMG YOU MET HIM ?? WHO WERE THE OPENING ACTS? AND THEY SIGNED YOUR VANS asdfhalksjda you're living the true concert experience 🤩🤩🤩

aaaa i'm so sad i missed it, this is long overdue, but happy (belated) bday, honey bee 💖💖 xiao long bao sounds so good aaaa i really wanna get some now 🤧 and omg new piercings !!!! which piercing(s) did you get? congratulations on being an adult now, lovebug 🥳🥳💜

YES oh my god when they made out i was like .... this should be illegal 😬😬 but yes she definitely proved her point with the casting and their acting. red and everything has changed are both so good !!!!! omg yes the everything has changed mv 🥺🥺 the little versions of themselves are so cute and that mv makes me smile :') yessss omg i hear message in a bottle playing on the radio in the car nowadays too, and it makes me so happy 🥰 i'm also looking forward to speak now !!!! YES omg last kiss hits so hard, and i also really love ours 🥺💗💗 i'm also hoping crazier will be added to her rerecording for speak now 🤧 also enchanted and long live ✨✨

how have you been doing, sweetpea? are you celebrating the holidays? are you doing anything fun for nye? 💕

[thedrinkhunter]

You asked and the universe answered...

Just read Kittii please, i have so much to say. Just before you left you asked me “are you gonna be ok?” The answer was “No” but I couldn’t answer at the time bc I was so unsure. I wanted to try to be strong for me and also give you what you wanted for once. I tried to stay away bc I could tell you needed it… that you had sincerely reached the limit with me, but each day I waited for my phone to go off in hopes of seeing your name. I cant stop from feeling like im about to cry at a momments notice each day. This has to stop. But this is what happens when you make the choices I have. I’m not ok, not at all but what do my feelings matter now, who will they move, what can I change with what little power I possess?? You’ve done so much for me and just once I’d love to make you happy. I’m in awe over how quickly you’ve moved on, Ik it’s been over a year and all but you were ready to leave me, after a short time I would imagine, of course someone would come along and want your beautiful ass. I wasn’t ready to lose you, and trying to be ok after that phone call was next to impossible. But here you are all hugged up with someone new so soon, it’s too much for me. A whole ass new relationship tho!? Meanwhile I can barely form meaningful relationships with girls now bc they know I’m still hung up over you 😩💔 since I met you other girls have never stood a real chance no matter how much I made it seem like they did. I’m not typing all this to sound jealous or spiteful I just have A LOT of feelings inside about all this and I need to get them out but I’ll forget what I want to say if I don’t do this now. 😔 I still get nervous talking to you and seeing you makes my heart go insane so I’m tryna prepare this time and have what I want you to know already typed here. I need some kind of closure, my feelings aren’t your problem anymore Kittiimae ik but I wasn’t reeaaddyy 😭 I cracked like glass when you broke up with me but I’m shattered now knowing someone else is holding you and making you smile. It’s no wonder I’m no longer of concern if you already had the resolve to leave me why wouldn’t you have it to find someone new. And with how great you are I knew it couldn’t take long bc you constantly have admirers. And having someone new to put feelings into and vice versa always speeds up the healing process. So here you are just peachy without old Travis, while all i have left are these memories and hurt feelings, and as bad as some of those memories may be they can never compare to the good ones. I’m too emotional, too toxic, too broken, and too in love to be a part of your life now I don’t even feel like I deserve it after the way I screwed you over. I'm not moved by many things but the things I do care about i CARE about them deeply and passionately but I am so broken it's not even funny. Men are such trash, we develop slow af, and most of us grew up without a father or someone to show you how not to be a piece of shit. It shouldn't be women's responsibility to bear and I feel for you for putting up with me for so long. But seeing all the negative shit you saw in me all these years now hurts me so much I can't see. I can't even look at a pineapple now without thinking of you, being in love with you is an incredible sensation and I'm so endlessly apologetic that I didn't make the effort to show you. So the answer is No @kittii-ko I’m not going to be ok, I haven't been, and I’m not ok now. But I’m glad you are, your happiness means more to me than anything and you’ll have more of it once I’m gone I'm sure 😔 but I can’t leave without finally letting you see just how much I love you the best way I can show you now. I know how sturn and cold you can be when you want to so I hope I haven’t made you go cold on me cause after that day it was like you were done with me, like you no longer felt a thing for me. And now you feel things for someone else? I could just die rn. Idk how long it’ll be before I stop being depressed about you… or ever find someone new that I actually like, I’m jealous you already have. Jealous bc I want to be ok too, I want to stop pushing everyone away bc I’m a broken mess. If i ever do find love again I know now from this permanent emotional scar not to take it lightly. This is really it for me Kittii, after I see you for the last time I’ll be broken if I’m not already. I have to build a new Travis and I'm sure he'll be a true work of art but rn I'm lower than I've ever been. I’ve been trying to be strong for so long but I’m tired of pretending, I’m tired of hiding my real feelings, potential, and skills behind a wall of excuses. I love you soooo much I would do ANYTHING to have you back, my heart is in ruins, i fucked up, god i fucked up 😭 you were the best thing that’s ever happened to me and I took you for granted. I deserve to feel like this but I want to fuckin scream I’m so hurt and directionless. You know everything about me, I have no one to turn to at my lowest point in life and maybe I left you in yours but Jesus I wish you had asked me to stay, I shouldn’t have left you, I shouldn’t have left, I saw a way out and I took it thinking I could come back for you. I should’ve just looked into your eyes one good time and asked you what you needed, what you wanted, I’m positive whatever I saw or whatever you said would’ve made me stay. You may have finally turned the page on our chapter in this book of life and moved onto the next and God I admire how amazing you are for it, but I’m still lingering on the last page of our togetherness. I need you to help me move fwd, tell me I’m not a complete piece of shit human being, tell me you loved me, tell me you’ll always remember us, and tell me everything will be ok. I need to hear it from you, if that’s too difficult for you I understand and I won’t try to force anything out of you but please find it in your heart to grace me with your voice, beauty, and presence one more time before you never have to deal with me again. Please. 😧

[survivorcordillerablanca]

Episode 4 Confessionals

RTP is a monster. Anyway, we fucking crushed that immunity. I wanted Jordan pines voted out. I've only ever played one org with him and he was my nemesis and I just don't have the mental capacity to deal with a nemesis in this one. Why couldn't Willa have done better

we won the music video.. and my ass edited a full video plus a roast after never using adobe premiere before so im pretty shook!! our tribe definitiely seems more... "kumbaya" than the other tribe which... eh. i want the drama! but other than that our tribes good. i def feel like ive been getting complacent with talking to people so im gonna start trying to ramp back up my social game to how it was in the first round hopefully?? i need to start talking more and making bonds. (not much i can really do though, willow katie and chris are on the bottom) i just have to ensure theyre still on the bottom and hopefully keep katie safe for me to work with?? willow and chris can go i guess. also charlotte can go too tbh. like id prefer me/bryce/zach/katie over me/bryce/zach/charlotte but a returnees alliance is easier to put together, so ill work with charlotte!! idk why i dont wanna work with her i just dont get a good vibe from her?? sounds dumb but im trying to trust my gut. and ... yeah not much has happened and i dont wanna make major waves just yet.

Free rice is so fun and not having to do grammar? Amazing! Hope I can do well in this challenge to show I'm useful. I feel like their isn't a lot of socializing happening on our tribe but I'm gonna try to change that. katieare propane torches dangerous? I want to go get one at home depot today. katiehere is my second confessional: charlotte seems chill I wonder if she will work with me in this game?

WILLA IS FINALLY GONE. God I can't believe he didn't compete in a single challenge and managed to not get first boot. We did Emma so dirty, I can't believe it, bring her back. Anyway, going in this reward challenge I'm not too fussed about whether we win or not, it would be nice to see what the Wishing Well is all about but eh, I'm not too fussed. Immunity is what I really want because now that we got rid of the dead weight I think the fingers may start to pointed at the winners AKA me and Jay. We have enough votes to tie it since Jordan is with us. We could potentially swing Adam but he's very much linked with Ryan who is linked with Lexi so it's...a mess. No tribal pls @ immunity gods!

Wow we won another challenge. Is the other tribe even trying? I didn't want to submit too much in case I seemed like a threat so I'm happy that I didn't do the most and we still won. I never find anything in the wishing well tho. Wish I knew who was picking the right number. But focusing on the positive, we won again!! ryan matthewi literally don't know what to do if we go to tribal. i won't want the full jordan pines experience to be blindsided by him. obviously lexi and i are a duo so im hoping we have options if that happens....

So I was looking over my Malaysia confessionals for some reason. What started as me trying to find my FTC speech turned into me reliving horrible and painful memories of Mitchell Kalabang calling me an idiot in many creative ways. Anyways, the reason I mention this is because I noticed that I made a lot of good, detailed confessionals in that game and I want to make sure I can do the same here for Athena. Well as of now, I think I'm in an okay position. I make a bit of chit chat with everyone now and again. I'll need to step that up today though just in case we go to tribal. I admit I've been slacking in my relationships with anyone who's name doesn't rhyme with Pordan Jines. I did congratulate Ryan on winning Kvaløya and told Adam that I'm not gonna vote him out, so that's something. Lexi also came to me and was like "I promise I'll do better on the challenge next time." Like I'm some authority on effort. Ryan probably told her that I was a little annoyed that no one tried in the video challenge. To sum it up, Jordan Pines will always be targeted before me so I am perfectly content letting him take the reins for the time being. I have decent relationships with Ryan and Adam. Lexi is with Ryan for sure. And Luke sketches me out just like every other game I've played with him. I hope we win immunity. 

So we need to win this immunity or we fucked. Like it just doesn't make sense to me. On this tribe we have me jay luke ryan and adam. In theory we should never lose a challenge, but theory is dumb and we lose everything. Like we've managed to keep a cohesive group that i honestly think genuinly likes each other but like, if we lose its all over. If we win this immunity we can hopefully swap and go into it 6-6 and maybe bring katie over to our side. If we lose however everything is done. We go into what may be a divided tribal and lose any hope of keeping a tight 6. We can't lose. Dear god let us win immunity BryceCurrently I'm worried about Zach/Charlotte but I still trust them just something to look out for. Hoping we can win this immunity but if not I think I'd want chris or willow out probably but I'd fall back on my alliance with Zach/Charlotte/Carson

So of course our next immunity is a typing challenge. With this other tribe as insanely fast at typing as they are, I'm really not liking our chances at winning this immunity. I've been pretty busy the past couple of days so I feel like I may be in trouble if we lose.

wait i did that wrong; Katie Shoots Target # sorry i wasnt here on time

I love nothing more than a true underdog story. Zach and Bryce came in the fucking CLUTCH and pulled out that win for us. I can't believe it. In all my days of winning immunity challenges with a tribe, this is probably my favorite one. I'm so happy. I genuinely like everyone on my tribe and I'm so happy we aren't splitting up. Cue RTP laughing at this confessional because we're probably gonna have a swap next.

LOOK AT US WINNING IMMUNITY. SAFETY IS A GOOD COLOR ON ULTA!!!!!

Like ik im probs jinxing something but this game is boring nobody wants to talk game. also everyone just ends conversations after they respond to how are you, and i try and make  small talk... like?? whatevs. im focusing on this game and i rlly wanna make merge. (also zach + bryce killed it woo i love them) nothing is rlly happening in this game which sucks. i predict that therell be a swap next round which is.. eh?? idk how i feel about that but im hoping i wont be swapfucked. (also i think im acc becoming good friends with zach and im happy hes gr8!!)

Wow me and Zach scoring all the points is good. I don't want to be seen as a challenge threat tho in case we swap and I'm somehow not in numbers. It's odd how like everyone hounds Jordan Pines and I can't tell if its jokingly or if hes enemy number 1 FJSDFHSJDF. I'm glad to not go to tribal and to have a 7-5 advantage. Whenever I talk to Willow we talk about nothing for like 2 minutes and thats it. Hasn't eaten meatloaf wish I were her, but hasn't had enchiladas? suspicious... Maybe shes vegan but even still how can I trust someone who doesn't know the goodness of an enchilada. Really wish I had some idea what was happening with the other tribe. Not being in a one world situation is different and I wish I could talk to them more to get a better picture seeing as how I'm going in blind if we swap/merge. Anyways that's all for now

I am well and truly fucked. I slept through all of my alarms last night and ended up missing the immunity challenge which we LOST. Guess what the agenda for the last two people who were voted off was? They didn't compete in challenges. Guess what I just didn't do? COMPETE IN A FUCKING CHALLENGE. God I'm so screwed. My only hope right now is that Jordan and Jay don't hate me enough to vote with me and try and break up the duo of Ryan and Lexi. I'm going to have to pray that Adam will want to work with me too otherwise the vote will tie and I do NOT trust Jay enough to go to rocks for me. Jordan might do that but I don't trust Jay at all to risk his life like that for me. I have a lot of work to put into today so...pray for me. 

WE WON IMMUNITYT! I'm so happy, i need to make two confessionals so this is one: im so happy i pulled through. I tried so hard to focus and make sure we didn't go to tribal because genuinely I like everyone on our tribe andd i'd feel bad voting anyone tbh. im not best socially right now and i think i need to use this time critically. I PROMISE ILL MAKE BETTER ONES NEXT ROUND HEHE

tribe assessment: bryce-  iconic king. he's good at challenges, and i think him and i are semi close. i'm down for working w him and i think he's a good asset carson - my favourite i guess? im closest to him, him and i talk a LOT, and he's super fun and social. i'm a lil worried down the road ideally because of his social game, but for now he's an ally charlotte - her and i are in two games together, so it's risky. i trust her and like her, but our social game w/ one another isn't like phenomenal or anything. She is super sweet Chris - Like... him and I talk a fair amount, not a lot, but he's super cool. I love his puppy (or whoevers puppy that is) and i think he's super sweeet katie - similar as Chris. her and I dont talk a LOT but shes really cool and i think she's a good asset challenge-wise. willow- i love her she's so sweet but she never replies (or often, at least) so RIP! I do think ill end up working w her down the road though, she's a queen -- overall i do like everyone so going to tribal would be awful because i have to vote one out. BUT, theres been speculation on an upcoming swap too... so that's intense. but, nonetheless, im here for twists!

Nope. Thats all i got to say. Like we should have won that. and we didnt and now im mad. And we had a good group of 6 like it was the perfect group of people. But no. We now have to go down to 5 and fuck this up. So thanks RTP. Thanks a lot. Adam might go, he might now? i dont know. I dont care. Just give us a win please.

I'm trying to get the vote on Adam and I feel like even tho jay and Jordan agreed, just the way their talking to me making sure everything's alright with the plan and the fact Adam hasn't tried to PM me I feel like they're just lying

Ok so this is my immunity challenge confessional. We never win reward so i knew we were probably doomed and will never see the wishing well. but i didnt really care about reward. NOW FOR IMMUNITY. im alittle nervous because i feel like since we got rid of the non actives i'm the next in line. So i did my best for the immunity challenge. I mean i got 2 out of the 4 points we scored so i did half the work which in my opinion shows i care a bit. we were in the lead and then the other tribes whole fucking tribe comes out of nowhere and kicks our ass and im just like .....bye

Ok this is my before tribal council confessional. So after we lost ryan created an alliance with me,himself,jay, and jordan. which ok i dont trust jordan that much but i gotta take what i can get. They all want adam out even tho luke didnt do shit for the challenge. Which i like adam but not enough to try to switch the vote. So i prevoted adam but ryan and i feel like some shady shit may happen and one of us will go since people know were best friends. I'll raise hell if ryan goes and hopefully he'd do the same if i go. But i guess we'll see

Man this idol is gonna be so hard to find asdjkfadjsk wish their were hints to it AdamIt sucks that we lost the challenge. I didn't help much more than trying a few times in the beginning. I think I'll like it better when I can do individual challenges, cuz then I only have me to do the challenge so if I don't do it its just skin off my back. I have to make it there first, and that requires good relations with my tribemates, so I can't slack off anymore if I want to maintain that. I hope a swap comes soon, but not with the numbers stacked against Copa tribe members :/

I don't know what I'm going to do about tribal. I voted Luke but it really blows that we lost because I really liked all my teammates. I guess that's on me, maybe I shoulda done better and then we wouldn't be down a tribemate. Consequences and junk. I hope I'm not getting blindsided. I wouldn't put it past Jordan but it seems early in the game for that when we could be really good allies. Just depends if he trusts me I guess. I'm a loyal as fuck though, so I'm gonna make Jordan my main bitch this time. Only depends on if I'm his main bitch. Let's see if we go far together

Hahahahahahahahahahaha I found the idol. But its like one world style or w/e b/c I found the copa idol. And I had to give it to someone without knowing them and without them knowing i sent it. Thats unfortunate b/c I could bond with them but I guess if me and Luke are ever on the same tribe I can let him know and work with him. I was thinking Zach and Charlotte were really close but Charlotte didn't know about the idol map so maybe they aren't. But yaa I just asked my alliance to tell me who to give it to because I have no idea about any of those people having never played with them. Carson initially wanted me to give it to Jay O but then I decided to ask my whole alliance for input to try to make it seem like I'm close with them and want to stay together, which I did. And that's when they said lets give it to Luke. Also Anyone But Jordan Pines 2k17 which made me laugh

OKAY! I FORGOT TO DO ONE BUT ITS RIGHT AFTER TRIBAL SO HERE I AM! Adam is gone. Good. Me, Pines, Ryan, and Lexi are aligned. Meh, at best. If we lose, the original group of me Pines and Luke will split up their duo. Go us!

Did I do a confessional already? I have no idea. I'm in three games. Sue me. We won immunity this week so TBH I stopped paying attention after that happened. BUT HEY, APPARENTLY YOU CAN SEARCH FOR IDOLS AND I DIDN'T KNOW OOPS. Fuck, I'm the worst. How am I still here?