#im just posting it now because i just cant make it perfect and its stupid of me to keep busting my ass over it when i could just post it

[minimujina]

ᴀᴍᴏᴜʀ ᴅ'ᴇɴfᴀɴᴄᴇ !

sᴛᴀʀʀɪɴɢ. chongyun <3

ᴄᴏɴᴛᴇɴᴛs. a long drabble of being chongyun’s childhood sweetheart :) lots of fluff and mutual pining, xingqiu being a wingman, hu tao is evil<3, the liyue girls bein teenage girls, more teenage shenanigans, the reader is 15 in a large chunk of the story (otherwise it’s a flashback to childhood)

ᴀᴜᴛʜᴏʀ’s ɴᴏᴛᴇ. originally i wanted to write this for xingqiu and bennett too, but i’m having too hard of a time writing to do all that right now. for now, i think i need to post this just for chongyun so i can get my morale up and start writing more often!

↪︎ as children, you were extremely close, always touching and playing like kids do, though even more so because your families had been affiliated for generations. every day was something new, but it was always with chongyun, and the two of you liked it that way. this seemed to build up a sort of immunity with chongyun’s excess yang energy–meaning you became the only person who was incapable of overwhelming him. in fact, the two of you began to figure out that not only did you not activate his condition, but you actually suppressed it, too. this lead to frequent hand-holding and clinging on his part, but you had never minded. his touch was a comfort to you, too, a reminder that you always had a friend you could count on. 

↪︎ even as a child chongyun was extremely protective of his loved ones, which was part of what first spurred on a majority of the hand-holding. when there were large crowds in the city, he was very afraid of losing you or letting something happen to you. always vigilant of his surroundings, the boy was the most serious friend you had, but it only made you admire him more and return his clinging.

↪︎ if anyone had ever been mean to you, chongyun’s eyes would darken. if it hadn’t been for your pleading, he would have returned their actions in full–how dare they? how dare they say such things to you? how dare they touch you and hurt you? something deep in his gut that had been slumbering since his existence began to rise to the surface, and it would have boiled over had you not clung to the boy with tears in your eyes, begging him to just take you home. he would falter, feeling as if something had just tied his heart up in ropes and left it hanging. it hurt so much to see you cry that he made a vow to always treat you with care–you would never have to cry again (well, that was his blind hope, however endearing the sentiment was). and from then on, he sought your comfort instead of letting his rage get the better of him. you had unintentionally taught him that revenge was not chivalrous.

↪︎ little chongyun didn’t have his popsicles back then, nor did he have much self control, so he got overwhelmed a lot. it wasn’t uncommon to see a little blue-haired boy sprinting around liyue at seemingly impossible velocities. as he grew older, he gained more wisdom in containing himself, but it would always be difficult for him. he often lost his cool in public because the crowd had just been too much stimulation–too much noise, too much visual clutter–but then the boy would feel a familiar warmth, one that did not scorch, and he would look down to find your delicate hand placed firmly in his own. and everything would feel okay again. 

↪︎ these slip-ups never bothered you or scared you away like chongyun so deeply feared–you were always right next to him, linking your arms around his shoulders and holding him so close. oddly enough, seeing these “episodes” was one of the things you always liked about him. you felt like you knew each and every side of him—not just his subdued side, but the “crazy” one too (which you didn’t think was even that crazy), and you liked it all. there was a constant desire to know everything about him that burned in your gut and subconsciously lay at the foreground of your mind. you didn’t really understand love as a child, and there was no reason to—but it’s certain that as you grew older, these feelings of admiration turned into something more.

↪︎ even though you two had made your debut into teenage years, holding hands was still a frequent and vital component of your friendship. strolling through liyue harbor? listening to one of xingqiu’s long spiels of fantasy? running away from hu tao? yes, yes, and yes. that girl loved to pester chongyun, finding it very amusing when his complexion was likened to that of a beet. unfortunately for hu tao, chongyun’s hand immediately found yours as soon as she showed her face—this often resulted in a wild chase through the winding streets of liyue. you had gotten used to it at some point.

↪︎ and funnily enough, nearly nothing has changed since you’ve grown older. hu tao and xingqiu still terrorize chongyun to no end. the only thing that’s different is that now, when chongyun grasps your hand and leads you through winding streets or the outskirts of the city, you find yourself growing warm in the face. you. the one who doesn’t have a special condition.

↪︎ when you look up at chongyun, he’s perfectly fine—maybe a bit pink in the cheeks, but that’s probably from being winded. but at least he’s smiling. and at least he’s your friend, right? you’ve always been friends without a question.

↪︎ but sometimes you couldn’t stop yourself from overthinking. what if… chongyun only liked you because you could calm him down? that didn’t sound so outrageous. what if that was all you were to him?

↪︎ but soon you realized that that line of reasoning undermined his character—and you knew chongyun. you knew each and every part of him better than you knew yourself. chongyun wouldn’t use someone, and it was unfair of you to assume that he would because of some silly fear of yours.

↪︎ “hey, hey—what’s wrong?” chongyun was whispering, bent in front of you with his brows knit in concern, eyes searching yours for any sign of distress. you hadn’t realized, but the two of you had stopped running, and your friendly pursuer was nowhere in sight.

↪︎ but coming to the conclusion you had, you felt free knowing that you didn’t have to worry about it anymore. the fear you had momentarily suffered was merely something your mind made up—nothing more.

↪︎ so you smiled at him, genuinely and happily. and you said, “sorry, i’m good. let’s go.”

↪︎ and when he smiled back, you swore his cheeks had taken that deeper shade of red that appeared when his condition took over. but that couldn’t be, right? he was just winded from the running.

↪︎ yeah, that’s it, you told yourself. but all the while, chongyun’s grip on your hand tightened as the two of you made your way through the ever thickening forest. his palm felt… sweaty? it’s not that you were grossed out—you were certain your hands were sweaty, too—it was just different.

↪︎ and.. the way he looked back at you to make sure no branches thwacked you in the face was different, too. his eyes—something swam in them that you couldn’t quite place.

↪︎ different. the word circled your mind endlessly. it was all just different.

↪︎ ever since that day, that one word haunted you. it seemed to be plastered on chongyun’s forehead, for every time you looked at him, your brain echoed, “diiiiiiifffferrrreeeeennnnt…”

↪︎ perhaps that’s a slight exaggeration, but the topic sure was on your mind a lot. you noticed chongyun would avert your gaze when you held hands now, or he started to scratch the back of his neck very often—almost as if he were nervous.

↪︎ all of these suspicions weighed on you like a boulder—what if you were being completely irrational? this was chongyun. your best friend since diapers. there’s no way he would ever think of you in any way but best friends.

↪︎ you were just about to convince yourself everything was fine, just about to be okay with the fact that chongyun would never like like you, when xingqiu came crashing into the both of your lives in the way that he so often did.

↪︎ his bluntness sent both yours and chongyun’s minds careening into an abyss of warm fuzz. “you’re more than friends,” he stated one day at lunch, gazing at the two of you with that shit-eating grin on his face. chongyun began spluttering excuses and questions, and you began yelling, “WHAT? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? HUH??” and it was just a whole mess.

↪︎ and fucking xingqiu just sat there the whole time, smiling.

↪︎ “i said what i said,” he said. he did say what he said, indeed, and there was no going back. once he left, you and chongyun had a great deal of awkwardness to push through.

↪︎ once the initial “um”’s and “ah”’s and “i—“‘s were over, you realized something. squinting at the boy’s feverish complexion, you murmured incredulously, “chongyun… are you blushing?”

↪︎ the idea was so far-fetched to you, just because all this time, the two of you were supposedly immune to that kind of thing. you were supposed to make him.. not excited, right?

↪︎ but his widened eyes and the deepening of the color on his cheeks said everything for you.

↪︎ chongyun was blushing. because of you.

↪︎ you felt like doing cartwheels or running a marathon or climbing the perilous mountains of jueyun karst—for the first time, it was conceivable that perhaps you and chongyun weren’t permanently stuck as friends. and it seemed like you weren’t the only one who thought so.

↪︎ chongyun glanced down at his lap with a subdued smile. “you know, it’s funny,” he began. “all this time, you’ve calmed me down and kept my yang energy at bay. but recently, i’ve felt inexplicably strange around you. i feel warm a lot, and, well…”

↪︎ he trailed off with a sheepish laugh. “especially when you touch me.” and he didn’t say it, but his words implied that just like you, he was confused at the sudden change.

↪︎ your heart melted at his honesty. “chongyun,” you whispered under your breath, almost as if testing his name on your lips for the first time—but in a different way. “i thought i was going crazy. so it’s not just me?”

↪︎ his grin was brilliant—you wanted to kiss him right then and there. “it’s not just you, no.”

↪︎ later, when chongyun hunted xingqiu down to beat him up for what he had said, the mischievous boy once again smiled. “well i wasn’t wrong, was i?”

↪︎ chongyun’s flustered silence prompted hearty laughter from the bookworm.

↪︎ xingqiu observed the pink flush on his friend’s cheeks, the fidgety hands, the quick breathing—but no wild behavior, as one would expect if it was chongyun’s yang energy acting up—and so he came to his final conclusion.

↪︎ “you, my dearest friend, are in love!” he sang jovially, making grand, flourishing gestures with his arms all the while. and chongyun just stood incredulous at this sudden realization—even though it came from xingqiu, he knew he couldn’t deny it.

↪︎ he surmised that you probably still suppressed his yang energy, but this didn’t mean he was immune to the effects of.. liking someone. he had never expected to feel a normal blush or a normal quick heartbeat (as normal as those things can be)—was this how everyone else felt when they got excited? and they didn’t have to worry about going off the rails?

↪︎ meanwhile, on your end of things, you were surrounded by a near flock of the liyue girls. xiangling, hu tao, xinyan and yunjin were all firing off questions at the same time as if interrogating you, but their faces were smothered with giddy, good-natured grins. 

↪︎ ..though hu tao’s smile always looks somewhat evil… but i digress.

↪︎ “did you kiss yet?” little 13-year-old xiangling asked imploringly, bouncing up and down and looking like she may explode at any present moment. warmth flooded your face for what seemed like the hundredth time that day, and you shook your head vigorously–it would have been the completely wrong moment, you wailed desperately. all the girls cried out in disappointment.

↪︎ hu tao was a year older than you—16, like xingqiu—but she seemed to find so much pleasure in teasing her juniors. “have you kissed someone yet, xiangling?” she inquired suspiciously, not expecting much of an answer. but the tiny chef actually perked up.

↪︎ “yes, i have, thank you very much,” she hummed proudly, crossing her arms.

↪︎ like a chorus, the girls all screamed, “WHO?”

↪︎ who, indeed? unfortunately, it would remain a mystery, as the little girl’s only answer was the smug grin she sported on her lips. perhaps she had never really kissed anyone at all, but it was more fun to believe otherwise.

[mydearesthrry]

i loveddd the musician reader blurb 🥹🥹 would loveee to see more

a/n: I LOVED WRITING IT THANK U FOR THIS ANON. enjoy my babies <3 i have an fc for musician!yn x har and its gonna be gracie abrams :p

warnings: nonesies, fluff!!

—

“hey, h?” Y/N called from her spot on the sofa, her laptop on her lap as she scrolled through the files for her next project, entitled five seconds flat.

“yeah, baby?” he shouted back, his footsteps soon following his words as he walked through their house, sitting next to Y/N when he arrived. “whats wrong?”

“um, to be honest, i- i don’t even really know. i just think something’s missing from here,” she sighed, running a hand through her hair. “like, i love it so far, but it’s missing something. i think it’s missing it’s ‘overarching love’ song. which is really stupid because this album has so many love songs.”

“not really.” he replied simply, shrugging and looking at her.

“what do you mean? there’s tons!”

“really? like what? go through the tracklist, baby.”

she rolled her eyes, mumbling a ‘fine!’, before pulling up the tracklist. “see! um, all my ghosts, what a shame? kinda?”

“exactly.” he stated, giggling at his wife.

“you’re so annoying. can you help me? please?”

he scoffs playfully, “as if i didn’t produce nearly the entire thing f’you, but sure.”

“okay, so i’m thinking of a poem that i wrote a long time ago called lame, and i wanna work on that. it was right before i told you i loved you.”

after cracking open y/n’s journal and flipping through the pages, they had finally had a song.

“fucking finally, holy shit!” she shouted, clapping as she collapsed on harry who laid sprawled on the couch.

“y’still gotta record it, m’precious wife,” he giggled. “and find a feature. since we decided that’s what we’re doing, f’some reason.”

“fuck my life,” she groaned, twisting in her spot to attach her cheek to his chest, hair fanning out around her and nearly tickling his nose. “why can’t you do it with me?”

“no.”

“harry,”

“no.”

“harry!”

“no, dude!”

“harry,” his wife stressed, holding the ‘y’. “pretty please? i’ll do that thing you like with my mouth?” she offered, knowing he wouldn’t refuse that.

“oh my god, fine! but this is the first and last collab im doing!” he grumbled exasperatedly.

“thank you, oh my god!” she squealed, running over to him and jumping, legs wrapping around his legs and her arms crossing around his neck.

“whatever. better hold up your end of the bargain.” he rolled his eyes, his hypocritical hands coming down to rest on her waist.

she grinned, jumping down from him and placing her hands on his chest. blinking up at him owlishly, she ran her hands down his torso and murmured, “i plan to, handsome. i’ll even start right now.”

———

liked by charles_leclerc, sabrinacarpenter, and 7,662,617 others

yourinstagram: took a tiny break and ended up at long pond with my beautiful producer husband <3. u have to wait to hear what we made there,,, butttt….. HATE TO BE LAME FT HARRY STYLES IS OUT NOWWWWW LOVE YOU LOVE YOU LOVE YOU

pinned yourinstagram: ps our faces when we cant figure out a chord progression 😭😭😭

comments on this post have been limited

charles_leclerc: Already streaming in the Ferrari garage!

> scuderiaferrari: charles_leclerc we can confirm 🫡

> yourinstagram: scuderiaferrari OMGGGGG MI FAMIGLIAAAAAA LOVE U

landonorris: party celebration for the surprise release when???

> yourinstagram: landonorris get podium this weekend and u can celebrate for us 🤗🤗🤗

billieeilish: crying again i love you guys

ynrrysweethearts: EEEEEK

niallhoran: Gnomeo and Juliet back and better than ever!

> harrystyles: Rude.

madisonbeer: ur literally perfect in every way goddd i miss u guys so much

> yourinstagram: madisonbeer we miss u our precious daughter

harrystyles: We’re so cute. I love us.

harrystyles: I love you times infinity. It makes sense that you’ll probably be my first and last feature. H Xxxx

> yourinstagram: first and last but a few more right 🥹🥹

daylightyn: our parents!!!!!

alexandrasaintmleux: my beautiful angel girlllll

> yourinstagram: alex my love i miss u to bits

francisca.cgomes: we miss u on the paddock sweet bby 💞

> yourinstagram: oh my god kika i miss u so much its a problem

——

liked by yourinstagram, niallhoran, and 9,266,166 others

harrystyles: HATE TO BE LAME. OUT NOW.

view all 78,189 comments

yourinstagram: 🤭🤭🤭

yourinstagram: love youuuuuuu so muchsies

> harrystyles: I love you moresies. Xx

yourinstagram: ok look at us being models

yourinstagram: am i hyping u up enough

> harrystyles: yourinstagram Yes. Fueling my ego.

yourinstagram: my precious baby angel sugar cookie muffin pie <3 <3

> harrystyles: You’re insane.

user1: MORESIES??????? WTF

user2: he just said moresies yn is influencing him too much 😭😭😭

> yourinstagram: user2 its my job!!!! 😁😁

user3: they’re both on the writing credits they prob wrote it together 😭😭😭

oscarpiastri: dad!!!!!!!!

> harrystyles: No. ❤️

user4: harry calling yn insane is so funny like hes def heard worse

user5: i love them so bad oh my god

user6: I DIDNT KNOW HARRY AND THE F1 BOYS WERE FRIENDS

> user7: yes!!! yn’s sister was a mechanic for ferrari and is now lando’s race engineer so they all get along really well!

yourinstagram: sorry im back here again WE R SO CUTEEEEEE

[wlntrsldler]

poisoned mercury is so good! it’s truly one of my fav aus i’ve read in a minute and the way you write the characters is absolutely phenomenal ! i saw that you wanted some song recs for future chapters/inspo so here i am

“waste the night”/“vapor” by 5sos

>wtn is STUPID cute for luke and yn. “smoke in your lungs” is so them kissing on her their bench

> vapor i can see chris and luke writing for clar and yn respectively. like luke and chris just giggling and writing a song for their girlfriends is so cute

“perfume”/“cigarettes and wine” by del water gap

>perfume i can see luke writing as his first song out of writers block, after yn beats him in another game of pool in her cabin and he’s so enamored with her and she’s cocky about beating him and its cute and still ‘will they won’t they’

>cigs&wine i see as them having a full blown camp rock moment and they sing a duet last day of camp (although yn isn’t musically inclined, i picture her still being able to carry a tune)

”girlfriends” by the academic

> ITS SO THEM I CANT EXPLAIN IT

“lover” by the hunna

> luke writes it for their 1yr and it’s cute

hope these help with some inspiration and what not! keep up the great work!! can’t wait to see where it goes :)

OH ANON MY HEART IS SO ?!!?!!!!

waste the night/ vapor by 5sos

i love how we all collectively agree that poisoned mercury is 5sos in an alternate universe (especially 5sos in their self titled and sgfg era lol)

im definitely thinking of doing small blurbs of luke x five star interactions in between the longer chapters now because waste the night is SO perfect for them 😭

thinking of luke realizing that he needs to let five star call the shots in their “relationship” because he has a track record of failing at relationships and the last thing he wants to do is mess things up with five star before it even begins.

and five star is waiting begging for him to make a move because she realizes no matter how hard she tries, she was falling for luke castellan. but bc of her past, she’s afraid of making the first move.

the lyrics fit both of them in very very different ways, but they’re both just love-struck and pining and ugh!

for vapor, i can see luke and chris (both equally whipped for their girls) thinking about what will happen to their respective relationships when they leave chb. long distance isn’t easy. being the gf of a guy in a band came with it’s own problems. they both know that five star and clarisse trust them that they won’t cheat or do anything to jeopardize their relationships but they still cant help but worry about it :(((( (my angst sleep paralysis demon is clawing at my brain)

perfume/ cigarettes and wine by del water gap

perfume is set after r u mine? in my head!!!! i won’t say too much about this one because this will probably be one of the extras i write in the future hehe

cigarettes and wine is post chb!!!!!!! when poisoned mercury is back on tour and luke is missing five star extra. they definitely wrote it together because even tho five star isn’t musically inclined, i like to think that she can write (or at least says things to luke in a poetic way that inspires a song)

girlfriends by the academic

luke writes this about five star!!!!!! this is their song!!!!!! this is literally them ur so right

lover by the hunna

ONE YEAR OF LUKE AND FIVE STAR WHO ELSE CHEERED??????

“they’re not used to our ways” is def the public causing a commotion that luke castellan is in a COMMITTED relationship like the whole world is shook

“that makes me a better me” YEAAAAAAA THIS GOES FOR BOTH OF THEM!!!!!! they’re always better when they’re with each other. soulmates if you must.

anon, you are god-sent. these songs will go into the poisoned mercury playlist i’m creating. thank u for these song recs!

[commander-gloryforge]

hm (kinda a rant/vent/i just wanna get things off my chest and actually TALK about whats been bothering me)

so. theres this person that has kind of been the cause of my recent mental lows/imposter syndrome getting worse/fear of connecting to people and general distance from literally every community i enter. i think ive ranted about them before. theyre a writer and in a community i used to be active in, and in the beginning i got along pretty well with them because we both enjoyed similar themes and metaphors in our writing but they ended up kind of dropping me, coincidentally at the same time they gave my actual writing/current wip a shot, and ever since then theyve been sub posting about me in really weird and elitist ways and it kind of had ruined my spirit, especially considering that i did really look up to them as a writer since theyre very into actual technicalities, writing theory, they speak about writing very academically. their odd vague posting ended up seriously knocking down my confidence and ive been spiraling into this strange mindset ever since that i’m incredibly stupid/can never improve/am not a real or proper writer by virtue of the things i write. they talk highly about writing techniques and concepts every writer needs to know, very subtly punch down at those who dont seem to know, yet dont care to make that knowledge easy to understand or accessible to obtain.

on top of that theyve been getting quite close with another new friend i made recently thats very dear to me and seeing them talk about things i cant seem to keep up with because i am too ‘stupid’ has just made me very anxious and brought up old feelings and fears that ive worked very hard on to let go off. this person is keeping me from interacting with a community i love because i cant seem to get ovr the fact that some people just dont like me, because im getting paranoid, because i think their every word is directed towards me, because theyre popular and well liked and everyone always agrees with them, even when what they say goes against what what i do and like.

it really sucks, its been bothering me so much, especially the fact that i cant just let it go. that i cant just ignore them and move on and do what i like without feeling like its wrong or cringe or weird. everytime i think im ready to go back i suddenly see them talking again with my friends that have offered me so much support whenever ive opened up about my struggles and now they suddenly agree and praise that person for having opinions that directly oppose me and the things they were so keen on supporting me on.

but recently i remembered something they said. they said that they dont want to be self indulgent in their writing, that ‘there’s nothing necessarily wrong with self indulgence but it reflects in the writings quality’, that you can ‘tell’ and they dont like that. when they first posted that i just read it and went. oh :( my writing is self indulgent :( does this reflect in my quality as well? is that why they dropped my writing and me, because i like being loud about self indulgence and cringe? and now i remembered that post, and suddenly it kind of clicked

this person very obviously does not write for the same reason as i do. they very obviously do not feel about writing thhe way i feel about it. they talk about it as though it is a science. like its something that needs to be perfected. now, it’s clear that they do love writing, that they have a passion for it, and their technical knowledge very much reflects on their art- and that impresses people. im not like that. i want to learn writing techniques and i want to improve my craft and i want to be taught, properly so, i obviously want to be a good writer, and im going to be a little self obsessed and say that i am a good writer, or at least not a bad one. but there is a difference in how each of us sees writing.

i want to be self indulgent. i want to write what i love. i fucking love writing and story telling and yes, the fact hat my writing is self indulgent does impact the quality of my work, because it makes it better. i am passionate about my worlds and stories and characters because its exactly what i want it to be and thats why is fucking good. because it makes me want to put effort in and learn how to get better. i dont write for a grade, i dont write to make something perfect and deep and meaningful and serious, i dont write to impress someone, i dont write to squeeze as many smart things and references to classic literature in as i can, i write because i want to fucking write what i like.

so im stupid. so im cringe and bad and insecure and a loser and i dont fit into the good writers club but at least what i write makes me happy. whatever. let some fucking whimsy into your life and stop treating me like im an idiot for having different motivations than you.

[morguemaw]

Important.

So. I wanted to make this post, and my brother, and girlfriend have supported me. My brother knows this entire situation, but i wanted to come out about it because it has dealt alot of mental toll on me, and im scared of this creator. No, i dont want to interact or start drama. No, dont mention me to him. No, i dont want his apology. No, i dont want any pity. I just want to tell my story because it happened before, happened to me, and just because he has a "soft gay boy nice boy" attitude does NOT mean it wont happen again. What ill go over in this post roughly/you will get the impression of is;

Why i hate comparison

Why im fast to jump at conclusions/be defensive

and Why i mention my trauma with the UTMV community, specially under posts regarding art, art style, characters or character design.

And no, im not even posting this to try and tell people im some snowflake who cant handle criticism or compression, this is targeted to the people who have ill intent with those and go as far as to label things others do as copying or ripping off.

Yes, im okay. Yes, im going to continue what i do. No, im not wanting to send anyone after him. Please, just read what i have and understand that the way i am is because of something i have kept to myself and only 2-4 other people for the past 5 years.

Introduction.

To get it started, ill be calling this creator, he/him, by his publicly known name. However, ill also possibly switch from his name, to part of his username/nickname.

This creator in question, is the content creator named Lizherubones, also known as TwistedBones, thebastardbutcher ( here on tumblr, too. ) , ButcherZone, and his oldest username, Zippy3006. He sounds familiar because he was one of the bigger creators in the UTMV, back in the dark ages of fontcest being the normal. However, i will call him William, as that is his name, and its public information. He also goes by Will, so im sorry if i call him any variation of those names/usernames.

Other things you may read about in this is an old discontinued app called DoodleClub, a OC of mine named Ezher who is the reason why im making this post, as i wanted to draw and post him again, but the timeline will be abit scattered as trauma and blocked out memories happened because of this, however another important person, despite being lightly mentioned is another victim who i will simply call Az as of right now.

Ill try to keep this as short as i can within reason, there will be time gaps, there will be references to previous things mentioned, and if it gets rough i may even stumble on how i type and mention things too soon or later on, im very sorry.

The Start.

During the time of 2015-2016, i had first found Undertale. During it, i joined a app called DoodleClub, its where i met my brother, Glitchy. During this time, i had also joined Tumblr. With the rise and popularity of Undertale, i had seen alot of artists, some other popular names you may recognize is NSFWshamecave, BlogTheGreatRouge, and a few others whom aren't important to the story other then to get the gist of it, Lizherubones was one of the artists i had encountered, and grew attached to. I adored his style. To me, it was a perfect mesh of cartoony and pleasing aesthetics and anatomy that i just.. Well i loved it. This is when i got stupid. On DoodleClub, i would post artwork of either 100% traced or partly traced artwork of his, along with my own where i weakly attempted to mimic his style. Soon tho, i got too comfortable. Sometimes i sent him asks on or off anon, i drew him fanart, and on DoodleClub i even changed my username to "Twisted Bones", because i really liked that name. However, sometime a user, who i will just call Nutty for right now since its what i remember them by, they found out. Slowly, a few others did, and Nutty ended up reporting me to William. Now during this i never got screenshots, one screenshot i remember Nutty posting was one of William saying i was a loser for tracing, or something similar but equally short.

This ended fast, as people were on my side. But it didnt end there. Same day Nutty reported me, and word got out, i decided to confront William myself. I explained that i was sorry, i wouldnt do it again, and i saw him as a idol and wanted forgiveness. I was terrified and at my grandmothers trying to hide me talking to a almost 30 year old man about traced work. The first trauma tick with him, was when he threatened legal action against me, saying and i quote, 'Your parents will have to pay alot of money'.

May i tell you a few things;

I was a CHILD at the time. 11-12 years old, not even classified as a Teen yet. I couldnt legally be sued.

He lives in Chile Brazil, i live in Michigan USA. After about a year, and also after a third situation that happened that caused me to do alot of at the time feeling smart teen research, he couldnt have even attempted a law suit because of the fact i wasnt making money off the traced work, and that the laws are different in both states and countries regarding copyrighted content. Not just that but.. He was too far, and would have to come to me. Which again, different locations = different laws, and so on.

As stated above, i made 0 money or even thought to off his traced content. In my mind at the time, i just traced to learn the style, and ill even say it that from what i remember, i didnt trace enough to have it be my main thing.

After this, he commanded me to delete all my work, and to never return to the internet. Which i did.

Return of the Deja Vu (Instagram Arch).

Skipping to 2017, my slow return to the internet. I had gotten Instagram and decided i still wanted to draw. However, like a cow being branded, his style still stayed in my mind. Though, this time it was just muscle memory.

During both this interaction and the previous, both times William had stated his art , characters, and even worse the colors used on them were copyrighted.

In the end of this, because the more important one comes next, is people kept tagging him in my work. Saying it was familiar, asking if it was his characters, ect. Which lead to him messaging me on my now forgotten account, once again threatening the law to me. This time, however, i just told him to leave me alone as i wasnt doing anything. He had also made comments and remarks on my artwork like, "This just looks like a human version i did", or "Looks like a draw i made." ect, ect. I had made a very old, possibly lost Reddit account talking about this, which was made just within the same week of him telling me these. This situation ended fast, mainly because i went inactive on this account. If the name Zure/Zhure sounds familiar, that was apart of my user at the time.

The Big Blowout (Twitter Arch).

This is where my links and pictures come in. All are screenshotted from Twitter. This is also where i can provide more proof of things. I will mostly gloss over everything, as its foggy for me. The timeline is roughly 2019. On twitter, i still was ignorant and blind to this all. Rose tinted glasses. I wanted to just be seen by someone i looked up to and just get a small sorry if he even felt any pity. On Twitter, i began posting. I began to also like his art, but never followed. Just to try and gain his attention. This ended badly, however. After i first not only made a suggestive Human Swap Sans, at the time not realizing at this point what i was doing was taking inspiration from him rather then trying to copy, but i had also made a OC named Ezher.

Ezher was the main breaking point.

This is Ezher;

As you can clearly see, yes, he looks alot like William's own OC, Rheiz. , However, i remember clearly the source of what i liked most about Rheiz was the marks in his hair and the dark to light hoodie he wore. Something extremely important, but when i made Ezher, William was a faint memory to me at the time. So when i say source pf his OC, it was a distant memory and i didnt think much when i created him. Off topic note, but turns out that while talking to someone William considers a close friend, all i did was make Ezher half red, half blue and that made Ezher original. Who knew a color tied his fate. Sound familiar? Thats because mentioned earlier, William told me previously that he had characters that were copyrighted. He also mentioned that using the same colors as his characters was wrong, too.

Ezher will be getting a update and will be coming back. When Will found out about this, is when shit hit the fan. I got many, many @'s like this;

^ Mind you in the last screenshot, i was trying. I really was. A user named SnoweyBones also made a message on their Twitter, telling people to report me. This got my acc taken down. This is only a small part of what i personally could find. I roughly remember screenshotting the DMs + others, but they are either lost to time or something else.

If you couldnt tell, the gist of it was, William had made a post about me somewhere which in return led to a mob.

This scared me off the internet for abit, and i went into hiding for awhile until my brother started to give me more confidence, and i realized that everything that happened,

was all because someone was egotistical about a artstyle and monochromatic color scheme.

^ That was my old account. Very easy to find however, so it is what it is.

Things i found, Things you should know.

To once again clarify, im not seeking pity nor revenge. Im wanting to shed light and say my story about this artist, because this isnt the first time he has done this, let alone something terrible.

William has attacked another creator, this same creator he is following on Twitter and acting like nothing happened.

There was a situation creepily similar to mine that occurred not too long before my own. Similar insults and similar situations.

v link

William has a history of attacking other creators. His reasoning is that his own trauma is the cause of his actions. I have trauma with him, and the furthest i ever went was when someone used my characters (in my eyes) unique name for themselves and created a sexual variant of my OC without my consent and proceeded to openly complain, insult, and suicide bait members around them because i rightfully called them out for doing something with something of mine i didnt like, didnt let them do, nor would have ever consented to.

To sum it up.

Im not doing this as revenge. Im not doing this as pity. Because again, a close friend of his helped me and made me feel better during his final attack on me and helped me still connect to a OC of mine.

Im doing this because its for me a traumatic experience and a reason why i tend to act the way i do. Im scared to post certain characters, art, or ect without the fear of him coming around or others comparing me to him.

Again, my OC Ezher was the starting point of this. I want to draw him and love him again, but im scared of William.

Even if i have a whole redesign in mind, even if he doesnt remember me or even bother with me, even if no one cares or even if the community now isnt so butthole tight about stupid things like similar color schemes or aesthetics, its still something that affects me and has affected how enjoy the fandom.

Repeating this, but im not even posting this to try and tell people im some snowflake who cant handle criticism or compression, this is targeted to the people who have ill intent with those and go as far as to label things others do as copying or ripping off.

[swiftfootedachilles]

Omg please spill the tea because I have the same strife !! Which mischaracterizations ?! 👀

girl i literally cant to that publicly i would get blackballed by the popular blogs. the fics and posts ive made have already flopped HARD and im rejection sensitive i actually dont know what i would do if popular blogs stopped interacting with me entirely 😭 im being so fr right now some of my opinions would have me sent to fandom prison 😭

but i will say that a lot of it is people like..... blatantly ignoring things that are canon. and if you know me you know i dont think canon is perfect! like i actively ignore the fact that writers made gallavich verse, i am not saying we have to conform to canon! but there are things we see characters say and do multiple times across many seasons, and a huge part of the fandom has just.... collectively decided to ignore it

i guess ill give one hot take as an example: "ian fell first but mickey fell harder" im sorry but i do believe this quote to be accurate because mickey had much more to lose by coming out. "fell harder" doesnt refer to him being more in love with ian, it refers to how much the realization of being in love effected his life. he nearly died, was brutally sexually assaulted, forced into an arranged marriage with his rapist (i use that term loosely when referring to svetlana, because it was moreso terry raping mickey by proxy), forced to raise a child and be reminded every second of every day that he was assaulted, had the shit beat out of him in public, just overall treated so inhumanely by terry. ian simply did not experience such homophobic abuse his from family. and - whether we like it or not - we cant ignore the vile shit ian said in mickeys absence in s6 onward. he laughed about mickey being raped. yes i think the writers completely missed the mark by doing that, but im not someone who can just ignore that he bad talked mickey several times. i think its a shame to ignore that this happened, because it does add so much complexity to his character. like i could write a whole essay on ian in the middle seasons and how his canon treatment of mickey (both when mickey was in prison and in s7e11+12) makes him more complex than the fandom wants to believe..... plus the whole 87% thing. like i love ian but he canonically does and says very bad and mean things, and thats part of WHY i love him. i love characters who are bad people. being a bad character and being a bad person are two completely different things and people dont wanna believe that bc they see ian as ~perfectly imperfect~

on a similar note...the way people mischaracterize debbie as evil is so fucking stupid - and i truly believe its ableism because they demonize her (imo) bpd symptoms

[mhaynoot]

[ joongdok - canon compliant - pure fluff ]

post epilogue, established couple joongdok having a vacation all to themselves for a week or two because they're the only two jobless adults who can get two weeks off in the middle of the year and the rest of the kim dokja's company nebulae can take a hint.

the hint is that they're hopeless and completely garbage at planing vacations. the two idiots are still "hmm"-ing and "mmm"-ing a week after yoo sangah had eagerly suggested they take a trip to relax.

"has either of them ever even had a vacation?" someone finally asks.

someone else asks, "do they, like, even know the concept of relaxing?"

not looking away from her console and executing a perfect combo, yoo mia says, "oppa never took a vacation, not even once."

"what about kim dokja?"

then they remember kim dokja and kim dokja's past and they sigh.

after arguing about romantic cliches and plans for a whole night before finally reaching a tentative accord, han sooyoung and yoo sangah intervene and slap down two tickets on the dining room table.

"you are going to jeju island," han sooyoung says.

"hmm, are we?" kim dokja says even as yoo joonghyuk swipes the tickets to examine the dates.

"yes," everyone replies and he only laughs.

lee hunsung becomes in charge of activities and he rounds all the kids to band up together into a brain storming session that rattles the roof with how loud and excited they become. they come up with a bunch of whacky romantic/fun/cool/badass ideas and activities to do. having come back from her recent trip and feeling extremely gleeful at having thats right up her expertise, jang hayoung compiles all their suggestions into a neat activity book and then makes the mistake of actually researching. hours and hours later, she's still trying to find all the best places and fun spots. she's interviewed four people already and they all give insane responses.

for example, jung heewon lists out all cool bars she went to during her college years but then strokes her chin and says, "they're probably all destroyed or gone now though. ah, just add it all anyways, im sure they'll find at least one of them or it'll give them a good goose chase."

by the end of it and the entire living room turned into a jeju guide collection dump. even han sooyoung reaches out to help format all the information into a giant printed travel guide. by the time its printed and bound, it's thick enough to break bone.

"would we even be able to do all of this?" kim dokja asks, tracing the list of activities and sights and vacation things to do. its a very long list.

"we can always go again," yoo joonghyuk points out.

kim dokja's eyes crinkles. they share a look over the word 'again'.

"oi," han sooyoung cuts in. "we're all going next time, you bastards. there's no way i would have helped make this stupid travel guide just for you two."

yoo joonghyuk and him share another look but he smiles when says, "if you say so, han sooyoung."

bumbling in with all the grace of a particularly snappy grand turtle, gong pildu huffs and finds them a lodge in the middle of nowhere so they don't destroy perfectly good land. even han myungoh comes by with his daughter to talk excitedly about all the places he'd visited and how they could totally hook them up with perfect deals. kim dokja's mothers come by as well, getting him travel bags and fancy dinner clothes.

uriel wails that she cant watch them on their honeymoon over video call. there's about a billion stage crew bustling and frantically speed walking around and behind her and kim dokja remembers she's on a world tour and probably about to head up on stage considering her pretty outfit. glancing over her shoulder on the screen, kim dokja can almost spy out abyssal black flame dragon and sun wukong fighting in the background using a thumb machine.

"how about you send me your schedule and we can go watch your next concert after my vacation," he says and she immediately lights up.

and, because he's pressed against his chest and tucked under his chin, kim dokja can feel it as yoo joonghyuk shakes his head. but he still writes it down in the little black journal he keeps on hand.

in the end, the only two who dont actually contribue to the vacation is kim dokja and yoo joonghyuk themselves who spend most of the week arguing over luggage and bickering over if bringing an entire spice rack is over kill (kdj: yes, yjh vehemently: i can bring the knives too, kim dokja give me the spices).

on the day of departure, they wake up predawn to the whole house bustling and three people already yelling, and loading up way more luggage than kim dokja remembers packing. making sure to fill up yoo mia's plate first, yoo joonghyuk eventually reveals a giant breakfast spread for the rest to eat and they all gobble up ten differently cooked eggs, kimchi yoo joonghyuk had been expertly fermenting like an elderly ahjumma, fluffy fried rice, kimchi, four pots of soup, perfectly cooked fish, more kimchi, and a whole table filled with a hundred different banchan.

as he closes his eyes around the heavenly flavour of yoo joonghyuk's hobakjuk, he quietly conceeds that bringing the spice rack wouldn't be too bad even if it ruined the authenticity of trying touristy food trap.

after inhaling the food and the grand procession of getting everyone into one vehicle, jung hewoon drives them to the airport in the gigantic wagon car they all loving call the company car. in kim dokja's opinion, its more bus than car.

the kids all cry as he rubs their head and kisses their forehead goodbye even though theyre all too old for that anymore but he does it anyway when they crowd around him like puppies about to be dropped off at puppycare. he can't begrudge them when even the adults are huddling around him too, holding onto him like he'd disappear. inside, he knows they're all acting like this why but only a soft tug pulls his heart into a gentle dance of indulgence.

kim dokja waves goodbye from the terminal, smiling widely. yoo joonghyuk gives a nod to the group, flipping through the Kim Dokja Company Approved Travel Guide for the sixth time since they got it. but even he smiles in the end when they all call out their last goodbye and rush into a giant hug.

"you better come back in one piece. yoo joonghyuk, look after him or else. you too kim dokja, you better not let this guy do anything stupid."

"dokja-ssi make sure not to get lost."

"ahjussi, have fun and remember us!"

"hyung! don't forget us! ugh, you sooty bastard, you better look after hyung."

"look after master, ahjussi, and get us souvenirs!"

holding onto his hand, yoo sangah says "make sure to have fun."

jung heewon pulls him close and says into his shoulder, "come home soon."

kim dokja clings onto them for a moment longer. just a little longer. indulges in each second that ticks by. but the announcer says its time to depart and, as he pulls back, he watches as they gather around him, like planetary orbits, never leaving his solar system. refusing to leave his previously lonely starry world. after all, they were forever intertwinned in the gravity of each other. forever, they'll be here for him, to pull him back, and he'll be there too, reaching back to meet their open arms. even if they separated just for a little bit. they'll rotate back together. always.

"i promise, I'll be back," he says, a little watery, and swings an arm around yoo joonghyuk. he holds him steadily.

kim dokja thinks for a long moment. "you know, i dont think ive ever been in a plane."

silently, yoo joonghyuk holds out his hand. after all that he has gone through, after using wings to fly, a carriage through space, a car that rides on cosmic roads and after having thrown himself through the cosmos, kim dokja thinks wearily that something as mundane as a plane ride should definitely not even stir up even a sliver of fear but he grips onto yoo joonghyuk's large, warm hand as tight as possible as the plane shakes and rattles and the white tube bleeds around the edges of his eyes.

then they get the kdrama special montage of jeju island.

there had been plenty of bizarre, otherworldly and breathtaking sights of skies and cosmos, of death and destruction, of the haunting beauty in yoo joonghyuk's features during the scenarios. devastating but beautiful. something as mundane as jeju island and the wind in yoo joonghyuk's hair and a casual black turtleneck shouldn't take his breath away but it does.

the first day, they had decided not to do much. first, check into their lodge. a tiny cabin that looks about ready to collapse in the middle of nowhere. but its surprisingly cosy and cleaned up on the inside when they step in. yoo joonghyuk sets up his spice rack and the whole kitchen to his liking and kim dokja lounges around with a book. after putting things away and the sun still high in the afternoon, they go sightseeing.

kim dokja oohs and ahhs and takes thousands of dumb photos to send to the kkt. most of it is landscapes, and bad selfies, and a picture perfect yoo joonghyuk looking handsomely over the distance.

"so unfair," he says and then makes the photo his lockscreen.

they go to a cute cafe jang hayoung had circled several times for the pretty floral aesthetic and view overlooking the ocean. kim dokja admits it does look pretty nice and sends photos of it to jang hayoung with a thumbs up.

"hi, what would you like to order? by the way, our chef's special today is fish and chips!"

initially, he had been only about to order an ice americano (decaf because he was old) but kim dokja can't ever resist and orders lunch there too. loves watching as yoo joonghyuk makes a grouchy face at all the 'low quality' food he tries. it is pretty tasteless but kim dokja savours each bite.

the sun lazily winds through the sky, not a cloud in sight and its too perfect beach weather to pass up. using the extremely detailed map in the travel guide, they find the beach although kim dokja was pretty sure they would have found it easily even without it. just follow the sea salt.

at the edge before the sand, yoo joonghyuk quickly crouches down to take off his shoes and, before kim dokja could follow suit, he reaches out and takes hold of kim dokja's foot. his fingers quickly unlaces the sneaker and then he slips the shoe and sock off. his hands now cradling the bare sole into a gentle squeeze and half massage.

kim dokja laughs and reaches out to card a hand through the thick hair. the silver strands are shining in the golden jeju sunlight. they flutter in the sea wind they can feel from here. something in his stomach was fluttering too.

look at them, 30-something and over hundreds and thousands of years old. a bunch of old men they are to still get butterflies.

"you're so cute today, joonhyuk-ah."

"shut up and give me your other foot."

kim dokja does and yoo joonghyuk sets their shoes to the side. he also rolls up their pants and then gets up with a smooth rise.

they walk along the beach, hand in hand. kim dokja playfully kicks wet sand into yoo joonghyuk's legs and, without hesitation, yoo joonghyuk throws him into the ocean. or, at least tries to. immediately, having had the foresight, kim dokja latches onto him tightly, he twists, and they both tumble down into the sand.

kim dokja laughs, a little breathless from the fall but mostly because of the sight of yoo joonghyuk hovering over him and the ocean breeze stuck up his throat. he had even slipped a hand beneath kim dokja's head before it hit the sand. a small fall like that wouldn't have even hurt at all.

"so unfair," he says again, reaching up to trace the ocean drop kissing down yoo joonghyuk's devastating cheeks.

they're still mostly on the sandy area so the warm water only reaches about a finger width high. it pulls back kim dokja's hair just the slightest bit and the sand is already getting everywhere on him. the sunlight plays along the water's glittering surface.

kim dokja smiles and yoo joonghyuk watches as his eyes curl up into little crescents. as the world sparkles around him.

'unfair you say,' yoo joonghyuk thinks and leans down to kiss him.

they're both smiling too much. the gentle waves washes them close, again and again. it's salty.

[iheartmisty]

“she has everything” is probably what people think when they look at me.

look at me. I have cute & perfect outfits. i wear short shorts and try hard, brushed hair, glasses, great manners, im kind, helpful, smart, and caring. I put others first. I’m shy. I’m quiet, but observant. i’m a deep thinker. I’m in all honors classes. I’m incredible at art. I write beautiful poetry. I’m a great singer. I play guitar and piano. some might even say im pretty. I have a roof over my head, food, and money to buy whatever I’d like.

does that diminish everything I’ve been through?

how about you see me instead. listen to my real story. when I was little, I had a friend group of five. we all loved the same music, the same colours, our parents were best friends. it was perfect. ooooh but I guess we all grew up now, cause I’m left here loving them and wanting them and they’re here giving excuses to not see me. then I moved. went to a new school, met some new people. thought everybody was my friend; and everybody loved me because I was nice to them. turns out, im just stupid and clueless and people aren’t what they seem to be. I got my heart broken, twice. and it hurt a lot more than it should’ve because they both were not very nice people. they were manipulators, and haters, and apparently bullies too. I thought I was brave for confessing. twice. after covid, none of my hundreds of friends even texted back. I guess we weren’t friends. my good friends never asked me to hang out, and were somehow always busy. I got framed, cyberbullied, harassed online, rumors spread. and this didn’t happen once, but at least like 10 times. my friends didn’t care. they just left. they left me there. they added fire to the flames. now im left with attachment issues and the fear of abandonment. [insert most preposterous thing I would never do that makes 0 sense]. then I get bullied for that? oh then I tried to ask my best friend to defend me, please, and she was like “ur making my mental health worse” “im suicidal now” and starts getting her friends to bully me more and curse at me for quote on quote, “ruining her life”. I’m sorry that I wasted my time trying to help her and her relationship. I’m sorry I spent so much time on her when she did that to me. its so unfair that she gets to be posting about it and gets people wishing her and supporting her when I never got support when I was doing the same. I was bullied more if someone ever found out. i hated myself more and more. I cut myself more and more. no one noticed. no one cared. my grades slipped.

I think that’s really funny cause first of all, she lied, second of all, I love how she gets all the support in the world for her fake story of a paper cut and I was out there bleeding to death from stab wounds that would never ever heal. but its whatever. then, another one of my best friends comes over, body shames me, calls me ugly and calls me out for every single thing and made me feel more insecure than ever, and then walks out after telling people that im the one who body shamed her. oh im oh so sorry for defending you while you were getting bullied, but this is my return gift, thank you? now I cant run away from my anxiety or anxiety attacks and I’m still alone. i wish I wasn’t. I wish someone understood. I’m really not who you think I am. my friend once told me that the way i dress would give off the impression that im a “popular girl”. that I’m materialistic. that I’m shallow, and cold-hearted. maybe thats the girl ive been trying to portray. im really not materialistic, or shallow, or cold-hearted. im the opposite. maybe ive been trying to hide away and blend in the shadows. maybe ive been trying to pretend like im a pretty girl. I havent ever told anybody that. maybe part of me wishes karma would get it over with already, because they all seem to be doing better than me. I think being a good person doesn’t have many rewards, unless you keep doing it, even through this. and I will, because thats just who I am.

now lets see more about me. things someone could maybe actually love. uhh, the way i always give others the bigger half. or the cup with more water. the way I’m always smiling or maybe my favourite songs. maybe a poem I wrote about someone I love. im my favorite quotes and the colour of my room and the movies I watch. and I found people who love me for all of the above. the first impressions. the dark parts. the beautiful ones. and I hope to never let them go. i hope to never let myself go.

[butch-bakugo]

Maybe im being defensive on a different blog or maybe im just tired of making excuses but it litterally pisses me off sometimes on how we as communties on this platform, refuse to even tap the glass surrounding the topic of a "dni" or "do not interact" as something that is, in truth, totally outlandish and entitled.

Its held up as everyone's special little perfect scroll that makes anyone a monster for not reading and completely adhereing to. Like its your fault for existing in the same space as someone who finds some innate thing about you triggering and its your fault their mental health is now in "utter shambles". How dare you exist in their space. How dare you not explore every aspect of them before mindlessly scrolling down after liking one of their posts. How dare you not read every piece of the fine print in their 20 paragraph 3 teir with 6 paths per teir caard before following them for 1 thing they post sometimes. How dare you step on their lawn. This blog is their property and they have every right to be upset when you step on it!!

Dude... Blogs are public property. Blogs are your little stall in a sea of a billion stalls at a festival held in a city park. Some people will stop and buy shit, other might spit at your feet. Others steal shit or yell at you and heres the reality...

You chose to put up the fucking stall.

You chose this public place. You picked it and decided to sit there and make things and wait. You cant check every customer and why would you? Why should they give you a pamplet of a billion facts of themselves before you could even consider allowing them to just merely stand infront of your stall? Why do i or anyone have to prove to you that we are "worthy" of your blog? Of your content? Why should we have to fit your mold to like a few pictures or pieces of art? Why do i have to sign in?

This is public property and yes, its my fault if i insult you or steal shit but you cant be a white karen and cry to the people crowded around your stall that i merely exist near yours. Thats why i utterly disregard them and will continue to because why?

Dnis are fucking stupid, it dosent stop the people you dont like and if your gonna beg for likes and reblogs, you cant pick who likes and reblogs it.

When i say this, people point out that i have a dni. But heres the thing. At the tippy top of mine, i state that i fully understand and expect it to be disregarded and not adhered to and thats honesty. I dont expect people to and why should i? Its merely a statement of me saying that these people are ones im going to advocate againest and thats it. What grinds my gears is the people who cry and scream and hurt themselves then beg for sympathy from their muturals because they "genuinely" expected it to be respected.

You genuinely expect people to care? When your blog is about cookie run character edits? When your blog is about winx club fanart? Why should they care? Its not my job to follow your rules on a public platform. Its not my job to check every blog i like or reblog from. Its not my job to make my existance something palatable to you and its not my job to respect something i dont have to.

The sickest part of all of it is that its so disconnected from reality. In reality, every person with more than 5 things on their dni has loved ones and close friends who would fit their dni and they don't cut them off like they try to cut at internet strangers. My own damn friends would meet my "dni", my mom would, my sister would. Dose that make them all horrible terrible bigots? Fuck no! It makes me realistic. Its this understanding that just because you dont know someone, one opinion of theirs that dosent align with yours on mundane shit, automatically makes that person a horrendous disguesting bigot who hurts everyone and should never be trusted again with no reason or ability to get better or become more educated or could educate you.

Ive had fully white people not touch important racial posts because im "panphobic". Ive had fully abled people ignore important disabled articles about our rights being taken away cause i support he/him lesbians. Like... The issues dont match each other and you need to be able to put the tumblrina bong down and hold hands aginest actual important issues when they arise instead of mundane fandom bullshit. I dont care if you like the dream smp when im trying to get you to spread more important info about sexism. I dont care if your a demipansexual pro-shipper when really fucking important info about climate change activists are dieing.

Like you gotta be able to step away for a moment and if you find yourself genuinely caring about stupid bullshit like "endogenic rights!!" in real life that dosent affect anything over any of the big 5 of oppression: mysogny, racism, lgbtphobia, ableism and classism... Then you need to step away and get a fucking grip. You need to breathe and leave. Stop like and a ride a bike. Delete and move feet. You get the point.

Get up and get out and get some perspective. None of it matters. Move on.

[orionsangel86]

Following the release of the pilot of that bloody Winchester prequel yesterday, a lot of people have been excitedly posting interviews and articles on it and starting up the meta and spec again. I thought I'd be able to avoid seeing it on here but this is the SPN website so clearly that was a bad assumption.

Thing is, I genuinely believed I was okay. This year has been SO GOOD for me for healing the wounds that SPN carved into me. With OFMD, WWDITS, The Sandman, IWTV, and now Good Omens 2 news I have been happily existing in a little joy filled bubble everytime I come on Tumblr.

I just scrolled past a post which had screenshots of an article from Robbie Thompson on the Winchesters. I thought I'd read it out of curiosity. I shouldn't have.

It brought everything back. Talk of the Winchester brothers and how "theres no Dean if there aint no Sam" and how they arent changing a damn thing about SPN canon, and how we will find out where Dean is, with the writer speculating he's telling the story from heaven...

I don't know why, but it hurt.

It was like something had decided to prod really hard at the old SPN scars, the ones that never really healed right to begin with, and are still jagged and tender even after 7 months of solid healing thanks to only consuming media that actually respects me as a person.

I haven't felt that kind of pain since Jared Padalecki last opened the hole in his face to spew bullshit about how the finale from Hell was so perfect and right for the brothers *gags*.

It wasnt even a bad article, but it acknowledged things I had tried to erase from my head. God. Im so fucked up. That horrible show fucked me up so much. I wanted to just shut down tumblr and mentally check myself out for a bit and put on the Dreamcast on spotify or something, but I had to get this off my chest, even if people read this and think im fucking moronic for caring so much and wasting energy on this stupid show and why do I care right?

7 fucking years I devoted to that horseshit show. 7 fucking years I held it in my heart and adored it even though the whole time it clawed and carved at me and hated me because I wasnt the audience it wanted.

One little article and I feel like ive been triggered even though that word should be far too strong for something as stupid as getting emotional over a TV show. Im having a minor breakdown in my living room at 10pm on a Wednesday night in 2022 over fucking SPN.

I dont even know why im openly admitting this on the spn website when I know its gonna subject me to hate and a whole mass loss of followers but I had to get this out. I had to write it down. Its so difficult to express how this show makes me feel. I dont wanna be the one you all roll your eyes at and call a negative anti but I also don't understand how everyone else seems to have slipped so easily back into old habits.

I wanna scream at everyone not to be fooled. But I dont wanna stamp on other peoples joy either. So I guess I gotta remove myself from the equation here. Fool me once etc etc.

Im gonna have to unfollow some long term mutuals, especially those that arent tagging content. If you correctly tag every winchester related post and reblog then at least my filters will block them, but if they slip through im gonna have to unfollow. I cant be having 10pm meltdowns over SPN at this point in my life. Not when there is so much good stuff out there to be focusing on instead.

[moss-sprouted]

deviantart and "lets make fun of teenagers art on tumblr" blogs fucked me up

i went from not caring too much of what my art looked like and having fun and Improving that way, to now i have a hard time drawing anything at all cause it has to look perfect and be original

i feel bad using references, i feel horrible when it trace to practice, hell i feel horrible even when a reference image is totally free use or a person who posts poses says i Can trace i still have this horrible icky feeling if i just do a like, stick figure over it to get the proportions and shape

when everything i read now as an adult says tracing and copying is not bad as long as you arent like, claiming things as your own and using stuff that you own or that allows you to do so

but i still feel this horrible feeling about it, when i used to use bases literally made from people tracing official monster high art and mlp art but i got accused of tracing Once when i didnt, because i used a base that someone else used to draw my own character and i also drew my character on that base

and i used to have my ocs put on tumblrs for being bad and even art my little sister made when she was just playing around and didnt have any art skill, and like i was 12-15 at the time, and got roasted constantly for no reason besides that i was learning and trying and even when id start to make art without bases that got shit on so i just, stopped trying

and the constructive criticism of "hey try png instead of jpeg" or "try to make the calves thicker" never bothered me but literally stuff like "this is awful and this idea is stupid" that i saw so much just totally ruined me and art feels so hard now, i feel like i cant do it and feel like i dont have ideas i can put on paper because i cant visualize in my head when i used to be able to draw whatever i wanted even without bases and i still couldnt visualize in my head i just

feel such a mental block,ive always found it easier to draw things for other people because then it was their design and no one could make fun of me for it,not because id let them make fun of my friends but because i still doubt my ability so much that i feel like nothing original i make is good enough and being able to bounce off of stuff that already exists is easier but i can only do that in like, a safe way that doesnt feel just

like a horrible bad thing, and fuck fanart actually exists but my brain still feels horrible at the idea of someone accusing me of tracing or copying or stealing because ive always been good at copying things and i wouldnt, be Trying to do that but i worry itd happen anyway so its bad to look at any references or anyone elses take on an art

im in like, art hell i think

[karatekid1]

hi guys it been a while. Well, everything right now feels like its going up and down all the time, like on monday, three days ago, my life felt so good, i was so happy, then everything went downhill again on tuesday. today is thursday and idek how im feeling, i dont got any apeitie, and my life just feel so depressing. i realized yesterday that heartstopper is like a core memory to me, like i havent watched it since season 2 came out bc people started calling it cringe and i actually started to think it were. i was just a kid back then it feels like, because every day i get older and i feel embarressed for my younger self, in like a few months i think that this me whos writing this is gonna be so cringe, why are we like that? or maybe thats just me. but what i mean is that yesterday i listened to some of the soundtrack songs, i just felt warm and happy inside, and it kept doing everytime i listeend to the songs, i stayed up til 3 am last night just rewatching the first season and it made me cry actually idk why but it just brings me so much comfort. anyway, uni going fine ig, some subjects are really terrible, but im surviving. me and benjamin (the nick to my charlie) are still together and idk tbh how hes feeling ab me atp, like im so fucking stupid and annoying i think hes getting tired of it. i feels like im slowly loosing my mind again bc of everything. i hate myself for the way i act towards people. most people i know would call me nice, they do, but then i literally argue with everyone over stupid shit just bc i am sensetive. and i dont know how to deal with myself, i just get so easily mad and jealous of everyone and its starting to spread out more over the people i love which is not meant to happen but i cant control it. how much i try to be nick, will continue to always be charlie. what was i made for? i dont even know myself anymore. people say they're proud of me but i will literally treat them like shit without even realizing it myself. all i really want is to be seen and heard, but i end up embarresing myself, overshare or just make people upset. im just a failure, im not supposed to be here, i dont fit in. i dont know whats right or wrong anymore i just want to live my life, but im literally just miserable. i try so hard everyday, to get people to like me, to make me like myself a little bit more and not hating myself, but when ive done something wrong i cant even realise my mistake until so long after ive done it, and i feel so stupid. i dont deserve to live the life that i do. i dont deserve any of this. i try to be like everyone else, i try to be interesting but if you try too hard no one is gonna like you. and if youre not interesting people wont wanna hang out with you bc youre boring. you should be funny but not mean, you should be perfect but not fake, you shoulld be thin but not starve, you should be smart not a tryhard, you should be yourself but not different, you should be happy but not annoying, you should be kind but not too kind because then people will use you for their own good. i hate humans, i hate what we've made this world into. sorry this became a whole vent post but im just so tired of living without having anything to live FOR.

[eeveekitti]

gngjngnjfkndnkdkd sorry to all my followers i just. i have literally fucking nowhere to put this and nobody to talk to about it since its really fucking late so.

really long vent warning below the cut sorry

ughhhh im fucking. im so mad at myself. i just. i cant keep doing this i cant keep fucking up and losing everyone i care about because i cant keep my stupid mouth shut

its always some misunderstanding or some shit where ive already apologized and i dont get why its still happening or why i had to be the center of negative attention all of a sudden

ive already lost every friend i had twice. i cant. i cant take this again. one small disagreement and i cant fucking take it i cant talk to anyone anymore theyre all gonna hate me because i had to walk away unnanounced and shut the fuck up so i could just calm down

i cant be less than perfect. i cant mess up. because when i do everyone leaves me. i dont feel safe anymore. i didnt respond when someone was mad because i was on the verge of a fucking breakdown and it just made everything worse

its a trauma response i know its trauma i know i have that and it fucks with my brain daily one disagreement over something as small as character designs shouldnt fuck me up so bad ive been holding in a full mental breakdown for hours now fucking hours

they all hate me now i know they do. i may as well just leave before it all comes crashing down for real. if im gonna lose absolutely everyone all over again for a third time in a row it might as well be on my own terms.

why cant i just be perfect why do i have to make mistakes why does nobody take sorry and leave it why does everyone have to make everything so much worse than it had to be why has this happened to me three times three fucking times right when i feel comfortable and safe and happy everything gets wrenched from my hands all over again

i can barely even see what im typing theres too many tears in my eyes i hate myself so much i hate that this happens to me why is this happening to me why does this have to happen to me why cant i just finally be happy for once

im sorry to anyone who sat through and read that. i know nobody did but. im sorry anyway. i dont want to burden anyone more than i have already. thats why i put this all in a fucking tumblr post. i just cant tell anyone any of this without being a horrible burden.

[arttrampbelle]

You know what if you like the new fire god liu kang. Just block me. Because i absolutely hate what they are doing to him. Just straight up block me.

Like liu kang what did they do to you fr?!

Like why?

And the fact we got the best iteration of shang tsung in mk11. Only to have him treated like dogshit here in the new game says to me that nrs is not only fake af and used tagawa for profit.

Its disrespectful to him as an actor. Its disrespectful the the character.

And its fucking insulting.

I smell some dirty bullshit with nrs fr.

Like it feels so damn fake and condescending of nrs to do that.

Yeah brings back shao n wants to "turn him good" oh but we cant do the same for shang. When shao is worse than shang. And way to go nrs for being racist to asian men unless they are pretty,have the "correct personality traits" or are money making cash grab bullshit to dance n sing for you. (Same for other poc characters but yeah its getting worse for asian men and asian and indigenous Pacific peoples and cultures. But thats for another post. Unfortunately people still stay being racist to black characters but what else is fucking new?! Ugh. I hate these fans and nrs for that and people being absolutely stupid af to that but you know they only care about aesthetics and consuming product. But thats besides the point. ) like im just sick of it.

Yeah liu bring back and keep shao kahn the mofo that legitimately kills everyone in armageddon,committing genocide on tge supposed woman you loves people. Oh wait you dont actually love her now?! You think you're too important now for love?! Oh well shit. Shows who you really are. Guess you dont really care so as long as you get to have your cake and eat it too. Mr chosen,perfect,goody good shit.

Are nrs trying to actively sabotage its own franchise? Its own characters?! Im seriously doubting that its genuine they wanna make this game. Because im serious,liu kang doesn't feel like liu kang. AT ALL! like wtaf. It feels so hammy,so fucking black n white American comicbook,mcu marvel brainrot type of writing. It makes me wanna puke.

Considering how things played out in 11. And how well the did shang. How decent some characters were(not the best but better than past things in a long time.) We got something that hinted at actual threats,consequences. But then....nothing. all thats taken back because plot armor. Or enough fanboys whined. Like fr.

Now it feels like a huge downgrade. Like so much. And thats not saying a lot since 11 had huge plotholes and bad shit in it too.

But god damn.

Liu kang sounds like such an asshole and nobody's calling him out?!

Like wow.

Oh but shang is the biggest problem for you? No mofo. He's trying to knock some sense into you. Because you think you're infallible. But like all "gods" you can die too. And i hope you do. Painfully. Slowly. Excruciatingly.

If not by shang tsung than i hope dark raiden comes back to fucking whoop that smarmy fucking face clean off!

The only liu kang i love is mk shaolin monks liu and 95 movie liu kang. Thats it. Thats the only valid ones. Other than that. Liu can suck my metaphorical ballsack!

Fire god my asscrack. More like douchebag of the century.

He's worse than shao kahn. Makes him seem humble.

Unless liu is evil. Until that is announced. Liu kang can kiss my ass n die. Fr.

Unless its mk:sm or 95 movie liu. They can stay like i said. But fire god liu? Nah go die chosen boob. You reek of fanboys wank stains.

Im not just saying this because i like shang. Im pissed how ALL THE CHARACTERS ARE BEING TREATED LIKE LITTLE PAWNS TO GOD LIU KANG NOW! Like wtf. How is he good?! How is he still loved?! Again unless this is a villain arch... i dont see how this will actually work well. Its already shit but how are you still making it worse?! I dont get it.

Like it's a travesty that shang feels like a threat but also slightly sympathetic in mk11. But here,now. Its a fucking mockery. And liu isn't being called out for his hypocrisy. Hives shao kahn forgiveness. But not shang. Thats should be your first clue.

Im thinking fire god liu kang has to be a vassel for onaga. Why else would shao kahn live? But shang knows the truth thats why he wants to get rid of him? Because shang is the only one other than raiden who can fucking stop fire god liu cuck i mean kang. From fucking over everything.

That is the only way this will be slightly redeemed. But barely. Still not enough to forgive nrs and their sins.

Fans can hate. Me idgaf. Ive been a mk fan for many many many fucking years. Longer than most of this hellsite. So yeah. I was willing to try to give them a chance. But no. If thats how they play. And its not a villain arch for liu.

Then its official.... YOU SUCK NRS!

[euphoricfilter]

I would never have guessed that you consider Smut as one of your weaker points, bc for me it was really good while I was reading it, means that once you are more confident about it, Babe you'll kill it.

YES blowjobs are better when you are reading them than seeing them, but for me it applies to majority of things in sex lol. The pegging HAHA sorry it's something I have seen its usual on pet play.

But after reading that I'm excited to see you experiment with those new themes you talk about. The request sounds interesting Lmao, take your time tho, wouldn't want you to stress because of it. Gonna be stalking your page until then.

Also the title is perfect haha <3

i’m gonna cry, thank you 😭

writing in itself is still relatively new for me so there are definitely areas i can improve on. i ‘started’ this blog at the end of january this year (i’d had it for a while i just never uploaded) with DTIK and i literally uploaded the first chapter like a week after i wrote it and that’s where it all started and my experience is like the last 10 months. i had written in the past when i was like 13-14 but it will never see the light of day, it was very much the unrealistic, mafia bangtan but i was convinced to write an empowered woman that didn’t need men, which they don’t, but my writing was so crusty i can’t read it now without giggling. i have 60 something drafts of wattpad 😭 of crusty old fics.

i think the first time i wrote smut was 4 months ago? maybe? it could be 5, i know i was still in china at the time because i remember i’d said i wanted to add smut to the last chapter of TBAH but then i was like yeah idk how to write this in part 9 and then an anon was like “i think it’s time they fucked” and i was like yeah you’re probably right. and i remember sitting there thinking what the hell am i supposed to say, this is kinda awkward and i was stupid and thought an ot7 fic would be a good place to start. writing smut for 8 people is so freaking hard so i had to split it up into subunits 😭 and then i started writing “smut” in DTIK but they haven’t actually had sex yet so it doesn’t really count and then helping hands came along + rope bunny and that basically all my experience so i’m happy i seem to be good at it 😭

my skin crawls when a bj post comes up on my twitter, i scroll past them so quick THE NOISE I ACTUALLY HATE IT 😭 it’s so much better when you read it 😭 i’ve read some out-there smut, and i think ‘wait that’s kinda hot’ and then i think logically in real life what that would be like and i want to cry because it would be foul

don’t be sorry about the pegging 😋, it’s actually not something i’ve thought about putting in a fic before but also it reminds me of that rumor that prince william is into pegging so i can’t take it seriously

IM SO CLOSE TO FINEIHINF THE REQUEST. i’ve edited to main part, and it’s like 50/50 it’ll come out tonight if i could just hurry up and write the sexy lil smut scene but also i have ptsd from wattpad smut so i always try to make sure it’s nothing like that and there’s a decent amount of detail to fuel the reader’s imagination 😋

i always think about, what if someone stalks my page because recently i went through a few of my old posts and it’s kinda crusty ngl, the other day someone liked a post i made months and months and months ago that literally only had the tag of the au so only people that followed me at the time could see it and i was like oh someone liked that but they would have had to have scrolled so far down, i don’t post a shit ton on here but they would have been so deep into my page i wanted to cry because i can’t remember half the stuff i post and there’s definitely some dark stuff crawling in the depths of this blog but that au was cute so i’m glad they liked it 😭

while we’re on the topic of my writing weaknesses, titles. i’m so shit at naming my fics it’s awful 😭 i changed “open” like 3 times before it became that name because i cant name my fics for shit it’s so bad 😭

[thebluespirit83]

debunking pro-snape/anti-james arguments and putting it on the internet because clearly i hate myself. buckle up. this is gonna be a VERY long post. im ready for the amount of hate i will get; im willing to take one for the team. 

1. james forced lily into dating/marrying/etc him 

this literally never happened? because its almost as if lily is her own person who is able to stand up for herself-

“I wouldn’t go out with you if it was a choice between you and the giant squid,” said Lily.

“LEAVE HIM ALONE!” Lily shouted. She had her own wand out now. James and Sirius eyed it warily.

She turned on her heel and hurried away [from james]. 

-and so she would not allow someone to walk all over her. its almost as if james (canonically) matured as a person, and she appreciated this, realised he was a good person and got feelings for him? because james’ only negative traits were that he was conceited and a show off. people are able to mature and grow from these things! james did this! he did not ‘force’ lily to go out with him!

2. james and the other marauders bullied snape

you know what, i cant even disagree with this one. you’re right - they did bully him. but lets look a little bit at the context. 

sirius and james were both upper class, naive white rich boys. they are idiots. they were both stupid smart teenagers!! they were popular! and while this does not excuse the gross bullying snape was subject to-

Pink soap bubbles streamed from Snape’s mouth at once; the froth was covering his lips, making him gag, choking him

Several people watching laughed; Snape was clearly unpopular ... Snape was trying to get up, but the jinx was still operating on him; he was struggling, as though bound by invisible ropes.

-it (unfortunately) makes sense with context. james and sirius also stopped bullying people, and even expressed discomfort/regret with the way they acted-

“I’m not proud of it,” said Sirius quickly.

“Of course he was a bit of an idiot!” said Sirius bracingly, “we were all idiots!

[sirius talking to remus] you made us feel ashamed of ourselves sometimes

A lot of people are idiots at the age of fifteen. He grew out of it.

-when they were younger! i’d also like to point out these little lines i noticed when i was finding quotes for my argument which snape stans like to ignore:

James and Snape hated each other from the moment they set eyes on each other

I mean, he [snape] never lost an opportunity to curse James

there was a flash of light and a gash appeared on the side of James’s face, spattering his robes with blood

wow, look at that. the hate they felt for each other was mutual! snape also jinxed james! but oh wait - james was the one who matured! snape was the one who bullied his son twenty years later because he looked like james! 

3. snape didnt abuse the kids at hogwarts 

here’s a real argument i saw when looking through some pro-snape posts: ‘snape wasn’t an abuser, because abusers don’t let their victims retaliate, but snape did let the kids talk back to him’

what. the. fuck?! 

this is the dictionary.com definition of abuse: ‘to treat in a harmful, injurious, or offensive way’ or ‘to speak insultingly, harshly, and unjustly to or about’. i’m pretty sure snape did both of these things-

“I don’t need help from filthy little Mudbloods like her!”

“So,” said Snape, gripping Harry’s arm so tightly Harry’s hand was starting to feel numb.

Snape threw Harry from him with all his might.

[hermione’s teeth]  "I see no difference."

‘Idiot boy!’ snarled Snape [at neville]

-on multiple occasions. i’d also like to remind you guys that neville’s worst fear is SNAPE?! his TEACHER, a figure that is supposed to be there for emotional and educational support is his worst fear in this entire world?! above the woman who drove his parents to insanity? over failure, over his abusive grandmother, over everything? his teacher? and for the pro-snaper that used this quote-

Nearly everyone laughed. Even Neville grinned apologetically.

-to claim that it was a joke, it isn’t a joke. because when snape came out of that cupboard, he was terrified. yes, it’s an embarrassing thing to have as your boggart, but the point is is that it is. he is terrified of that man. 

4. james only joined the order because his wife was a muggleborn and he ‘had to’

this is just factually incorrect. james had been sticking up for muggleborn rights since he was in school, far before he started dating or even became friends with lily: 

“Apologize to Evans!” James roared at Snape, his wand pointed threateningly at him.

“I’d NEVER call you a - you-know-what!”

so this is literally not true!! plus, at least he did join the order, whatever his reasons where (which were canonically good). snape didnt join the order. snape was friends with someone who suffered discrimination in society, and instead of using his privilege to help her and support her, he joined a group that was set on murdering people like her. when james had a friend who underwent oppression (remus/lycanthropy) you know what he did? he illegally became an animagus. 

5. snape had to be a death eater to survive at hogwarts as he roomed with blood supremacists

this is the shittiest excuse i have ever seen in my entire life. as a poc, this comment really reminds me of the argument ‘i was raised in a racist white household! i cant control my beliefs!’

you can always control your beliefs. i understand not going on big rants about blood inequality in front of a bunch of supremacists, and i understand wanting to blend and fit in (especially because he was unpopular and needed the support the slytherin boys provided), but i will never understand then becoming an active member of the group yourself. he got the dark mark. he helped voldemort. he was a death eater, and a proud one at that! no-one forced him to join. this argument literally makes my blood boil. 

6. snape had a lot of trauma from being raised in an abusive household

okay? so did sirius. so did neville. luna was bullied at school, just like snape. harry lived in an abusive household. did any of those people bully children? did any of those people join a blood supremacist group? and dont get me wrong, im not calling any of these people perfect - they all had a lot of flaws - but none of them hurt another people to the extreme that snape did. 

7. snape saved the trio’s lives many times

this is the absolute bare minimum. ‘oh wow, he didnt let harry die!! what a king! he should be respected and praised! we should excuse all of his other actions because he didnt let people die <3′ 

8. snape is not a perfect person, he also did good that many people overlook

you’re right, snape did do some good things in his life. but unfortunately, for me and many others, doing a couple of good things doesnt excuse all of the shitty, abusive things he did too. we’re not ignoring them - we just dont think they’re good enough reasons to forgive him. 

‘but james and sirius hurt others! you ignore all the bad things they did in favour of the good!’ you do the same thing with snape, first of all. second, they did a lot of good stuff. james’ and sirius’ only crimes were being annoying. for being a bit of a dick, conceited, knew they were hot and were a bit entitled. while these things are annoying as fuck, they were also stupid teens that eventually grew out of their behaviour and became better people. not perfect! better. while snape just stayed bitter at the marauders, long after their deaths, and even took his anger out on an innocent child. 

9. people only hate snape because he was poc and queer coded

as a poc and queer person, please stop. this is a very bad excuse. being poc and queer (which im pretty sure he isnt, but anyway) doesnt excuse you from your actions. plus, a huge amount of harry potter readers are poc and lgbtq. why would they hate snape for those reasons?! 

so thats all i got for today. im not gonna go into a deep snily/jily thing because i literally cannot be bothered. anyway im done. i need to go revise, i’ve already spent long enough on this.