#im literally so dumb lol. said with affection

[prozach27]

.

[tethered-heartstrings]

Something i could never understand is...why do people want Jack to die???

Jack is an obstacle plenty of times and is sort of flippant about Will's state of mind in the beginning, but in all fairness he was trying to stop a MURDERER and I could see how he would value saving lives over Will's health. (Not saying it was right of him, but I get it. And Alana does rightfully chew him out to a point.)

Its clear he just assumes that Will not wanting to be involved im the mass murders is a natrual response to seeing all of that stuff, Jack has no idea that Will and Hannibal are having murder husband fantasy dates until the later seasons. Which in all fairness, he has a right to be concerned about lol

People villainize Jack for a lot of reasons, and only want to see the bad in him. People hate him because he's a cop (okay, so is Will, and everyone else on the team for that matter but only seems to apply to Jack?), because he didn't take care of Will's mental instability/deterioration (as if Will isn't a grown man who should/could stand up for himself and admit to Jack when he isn't doing well), because he was "too dumb to see Will was Very Obviously Ill" (as if we the audience don't get special privileges on what happens behind closed doors and Jack is just supposed to read minds), because he was a criminal investigator "too dumb to not see it was Hannibal all along" (as if Hannibal didn't manipulate literally everyone in his vicinity to make himself look normal and stable and safe and trustworthy), because he "doesn't care about Will" (as if this wasn't literal manipulation Hannibal whispered to Will during his mental breakdown to drive a wedge between him and Jack), because he isn't perfect and he isn't allowed to be flawed, and tbh a big factor of it is racism. and many more reasons.

Of course Jack has flaws, that's what being a human being is. Everyone on the show has faults, but people focus and amplify only the characters they don't like. Hannibal, and to be honest Will also, are literally right there in the same frame and are horrible people, who have done so much worse than Jack. But people don't want to be critical of their faves. Hannibal fans often also have like, main character specific lens so only their favorites are talked about highly and everyone else is dragged through the mud (Jack, Alana, even Abigail) and are not allowed to be seen as a multifaceted character. (admittedly, the women on the show are very poorly written which can contribute to this for the female characters of the show but I digress)

Jack genuinely wants to do something good, he wants to save lives, and he wants to so badly he can get horseblinders on and focus too much on the end goal and not on the path itself. That isn't evil though. He does care about Will, and in a very dad-like way he wants what is best for him but it isn't entirely through Will's lens ir his best interest. He trusted that Will would talk to him, and Will didn't. Like sure he hinted the job wasn't good for him and it was affecting him but that isn't specifically saying "hey Jack, I have headaches that won't go away, I can't sleep, I am sleepwalking, I am losing time, I am scared. Help me." Yeah, looking at horribly mutilated bodies all day isn't good for anyone. He tried to get Will genuine help, by setting him up with a well-renowned psychiatrist per someone else's recommendation. He tried, but Hannibal didn't do his job. He lied to Jack saying Will was fine, rubberstamped him sane. What is Jack supposed to do? Call him a liar? A well respected professional in the field? Be real. And to your point, again, Will never said how bad he actually was, so it makes sense Jack is doing his job and prioritizing saving lives.

Jack also didn't want to believe Will was guilty. The evidence was piled so high against him they eclipsed the sun. Jack is smart, his entire job is finding evidence to lead to a conclusion. He can't just suddenly turn a blind eye because it's Will. Jack was willing to risk his career to help him, a career that took decades and immense hard work to achieve. He then trusted Will and Will betrayed him. He wanted to trust in him until the very end. People get mad at Jack for not trusting Will but then call him dumb for trusting him later like lol what the fuck do you want?

Jack also knows when he messed up. He lives with the guilt of Miriam going missing forever, he knows he fucked up and makes it a point not to make that mistake again. He isn't careless. He cares for the people he works with. You could see it in his face how devastated he was when Beverly died, when Will was arrested. Even thinking about Miriam. There is a tenderness in him being the one to take off Will's mask and straight jacket, as an act of humanizing Will and saying "I trust you".

Jack is also a good husband who loved his wife. Yes, his job kept him away from home a lot, but Bella isn't dumb and she knew what his job entailed. He took care of her as best as he could. He wanted to do anything to support her after her cancer diagnosis, he was always in her corner. Of course he wanted her to do chemotherapy, of course he didn't want her to die. He didn't want to lose the love of his life and traverse the world alone, his most trusted and longtime support system gone. He broke the law to smoke weed with her and join her, and be a part of her care and comfort. And in the end, he did the hardest thing by letting her go so she wasn't in pain anymore. It wasn't passive, it wasn't that she died and he just watched. He pushed the plunger to give her peace. He is a human being capable of compassion and love and care.

People forget we have the audience view, so we see Hannibal being manipulative and murdering, and we see Will wake up from nightmares covered in sweat and sleepwalking. But the characters in the show aren't us! They only see what is in front of them or told to them. And they act like if they weren't in the same shoes they wouldn't do the exact same stuff.

To put it shortly, Jack is a complex and flawed character, as is literally everyone on the show and people in real life. He genuinely tries his best and wants to do good things in the world. He is sooo far from the worst character on the show (I argue he might be the most morally stable and centered) but is made out to be the worst person ever, when he isn't. He doesn't deserve to die, and he doesn't deserve to be murdered. He deserves a nice, peaceful, retirement (or vacation, not sure he could stay away tbh especially now that Bella has died) and to be left the fuck alone.

[conceptofjoy]

SHIT I loVee your real boy seb. hes like if autism and adhd had a child. him having selective mutism and hiding behind someone close im crying. ive been feeling down/tired lately and seeing him made me genuinely giggle and smile. AND AHHH his interactions with other kids i love how you do the relationships in your posts not only <333 in your art style he and his expressions look so familiar and close.. hes my baby. my head aches its so good. seeing seb doing his bunny deals warms my heart like chocolate cheesecake in the microwave in fact. HELL FUCKING YEAH DESTA GO ON!!!

btw thats offtopic as hell but im that anon who originally said dorkhell LMFAO i saw you made the word? a whole hashtag uhoh! i opened my jaw like a smol bird opening its beak 180 degrees so that its mother bird would feed it WHEN i noticed. its actually so funny to me because i didnt even think about that too long. just a sudden thought i decided to add. but yes... this is your inheritance now joy (>_0)

well back to seb im about to disintegrate into sand. i really like how everyone uh... treats him in some sense? though he, i admit, may be a little disaster here and there but they love him <3 so, the way people treats seb with some kind of understanding (im not sure if thats the right word b i cant find anything better than this) is frankly comforting. i just go all "god damn it" as a person who was that neurodivergent child growing up. i may repeat, but i just adore your relationships between all the characters and I DARE to wander into another field BUT the vriska polycule,,... damn yes thats the thing anyone needs to see to make their earth spinning like its should. and they all care deeply about each other despite their ways of showing it is different. i see now!!!!

i literally cant form sentences anymore but they all are so dear. tyyy for making&sharing your art w random people on the internet again!! puts a turtle in your hand and frogblinks at you

AAAA THANK U puts turtle in a well maintained tank. everyone loves little seb n even though no one rlly has experience talking with kids, all of them are nd + have sibling energy/experience. his mischievousness matches a lot of the others lol.

hes a smart kid and knows how to use his cuteness/ how to play dumb to get out of situations (youngest child behavior) but is also incredibly silly. he takes after hal a lot in his smugness and dirk in his explosive displays of affection.

guh thank u so much for ur kind words. im glad i could make u feel better :) also dorkhell was just so good lol its so fitting. i should def elaborate on the vriska polycule l8r but it would take SEVERAL posts lmfao

[bright-and-burning]

A driver placing 12th over 14th in a single race can mean millions of dollars difference to smaller teams like Williams. I think its worth it

to be clear here i am relatively new to f1 and also still in the emotional react zone lol. ALSO ALL OF THIS IS SAID WITH LOVE! i do really like both of them so much

first off why didn’t they have a spare chassis. is that normal. that feels… dumb. i’ve never worked in logistics but that feels Really Really dumb.

SECOND OFF I JUST REMEMBERED TEAM TORQUE. OH THE VIBES ARE GONNA BE HORRENDOUS

anyways. this is gonna sound stupid of me but i kind of forgot how it works in terms of tie breakers so i wasn’t… super thinking abt non-points positions (AGAIN! thinking emotionally!!)

this is long and rambling. please don’t destroy me for not knowing what i’m talking about bc i really really don’t. also i don’t necessarily have a conclusion of “is it worth it or not” i am just . side eyeing. very unsure about whether it will be or not in the end. it kinda boils down to “i think this is complicated math bc trying to quantify some of the effects of this is literally impossible and im worried about those unquantifiable effects”

my thinking here is kind of. is 12th instead of 14th worth it if it means you’ve wildly undermined a driver’s … idk trust? confidence in the team? and i don’t mean this in a vague “think abt the emotional impact!” way i mean this as. how is this going to affect how the rest of the season goes?

i mean, even just this race lol. birthday curse aside, alex has just got a whole lot more pressure on him, on a course he’s got a not-fantastic history with, as far as i can tell. it’s his job to handle pressure, obviously, but it’s certainly an… interesting position to put someone in

in terms of the rest of the season… for me mentality was/is such a massive part of success in sports. i deeply dislike the “didn’t want it enough” narratives in other sports (whole other story) but. you do have to believe in yourself. and if thats true for a sport where you’re running around in circles, or where you’re kicking a ball around, i imagine it’s doubly so for driving around tight corners at nearly 300kph or whatever. it’s not williams’/james vowles’ job, i guess, to foster an environment where that self-belief is maintained or built, but in that case, what was the point of all that talk?

you spend all this time being like we have confidence in you and your improvement, and then bam. i would be desolate lol. like circling back to 12th vs 14th… idk a part of me is like. if we could quantify the impacts of this on logan over the season, what if that bit of confidence is the difference between 15th and 17th. but like, in every race. obviously we don’t know how this season would go without this happening so this is like wild speculation. and i am PRAYING for spite to kick in and become a massive motivator here. like i get that williams isn’t responsible for logan’s headspace but. they do want to maximize their drivers’ performance, right? i personally am unsure that this is the way to do that

tldr a) why no spare chassis. that fuckin spreadsheet bruh. b) why talk all that talk to do this. like i can follow the logic of the decision! i really and truly can (especially remembering how non-points positions matter. whoops) but i don’t respect the going from oh we have full confidence to a blatant demonstration that they… don’t. c) i am sad

[wyldblunt]

hi personal post just under a cut, it's not even serious or negative or anything i just feel like blabbering and it's embarrassing to have it out in the open lol

i NEED......... to get over how shy i am abt playing w ppl in game... it's not even just Running Content, i mean i get anxious/shy about even just. goofing around aimlessly/map completing with anyone i haven't known for literally years. or who i am not literally married to.

idk what it is!!! my brain immediately kicks into overdrive and gets completely clogged up with "am i not talking enough. are they getting bored. am i moving too fast/slow. i don't know what to do. this is stressing me out" and i have zero idea how to stop myself from getting like that. literally yesterday (SORRY IF THIS WAS YOU??? I THOUGHT YOU WERE NICE FWIW) someone came up to me and marina in game and said hi nicely and asked what we were up to and i like. Answered Once, and then did not talk again the whole time, and we sort of ran around together for a bit until i kind of lost track of them but the ENTIRE TIME i was agonizing over "am i being totally unfriendly and weird by not chatting. am i coming off like i want them to go away or just generally like an asshole" and as you can see i am also still agonizing about it now. even though objectively it was probably completely fine.

and EVEN WITH very good friends i've known for a long time i clam up like that... when i was trying to get into ffxiv some very good friends stopped by to give me stuff/say hi to my character etc and i got the exact same way!!! ppl i literally talk to all the time on twitter etc but then the second we're behind in game avatars i just get stressed out and start feeling super awkward and aside from like. jumping in place a few times suddenly forget literally every single thing i have ever known about human socialization

but it's dumb!!! and i'm so over it!!!! i wanna run dungeons and fractals and stuff, i even wanna scrape a group together to kind of activate my old guild again and claim a guild hall, stuff like that... and i KNOW the tumblr community is a great way to do that bc u guys are all so friendly and chill and it's way better than trying to throw myself into pugs or whatever. but oh my god. my fucking BRAIN, man

as i type this all out i do wonder if maybe a solution would be getting on voice chat w ppl while trying to play stuff together bc i truly feel like 90% of my anxiety comes from "i cannot type in chat and play at the same time, therefore i get super overwhelmed and confused about how to communicate naturally" and i feel like vc would solve that. but uh. if anyone does not mind sometimes running content with a guy who will probably be mostly silent and weird the whole time (the real glyndwr experience!!!!) please feel free to hit me up and i will get back to u between three and six billion business days

EDIT adding on more bc im still thinking lol. i just have a huge huge fear of coming off like a dick or like im unfriendly or something. ppl have constantly told me im intimidating for ages and it hurts my feelings and i get really antsy about it (this is why i never play reblog games abt like "rate how intimidating the person u reblogged from is" etc bc if anyone actually said they were scared of me i would get sad for real lol!!!). i naturally usually have a kind of flat/dry affect online and i make friends slowly, and i don't feel like changing how i express myself bc it's natural to me but. agh!!!! agh!!!! my wittle feelings!!!!!!

[thebunniesgrim]

small rants and questions I've accumulated over time  

these are old rants and questions I've had stored, and I can't be bothered to Laborte or really put forth effort to really sit down and think about these lol

and most of these are very dumb lol

this is about helluva boss these are mostly lighthearted and im sorta joking kind of  

Only slight malice  

Im talking about Stolas when him and Biltzo had they’re little meet cute  

Homeboy (Blitzo) broke into your place, and you just took him somewhere private with no guards. He could have killed you. You are in Hell my guy have some self-preservation. We know that in loo loo land he "needed" security because he had hits after him. Don't try to say "oh he trusted him because he recognized him from childhood" because like and? He still could have killed him had ample time to do so as well. Stolas was even worried when Blitzo said he kills people. OH? Now you are scared?

how?

Hey, wait how did Blitzo find out where Stolas lived? Unless Stolas is still in his childhood home, which I highly doubt, then how in the world did he find him after all those years?  

Talking about rehab   

Why is there a rehab place in Hell? I guess for hell born, sure can't exploit imps and succubus to work if they're too high to function. But why have drugs in the first place? if imps and other hell born can move through rings then they can go to the ring where all the sinners are and get drugs. Unless the sinners get human drugs and hell born aren't affected by human drugs the same way. do they have their own hell made drugs? Or do they only get drugs from earth? Like I'm assuming Barbies job was smuggling earth drugs into hell.  

So, do sinners also have a rehab center? If so, why? The sloth ring is where I'm assuming most of the medical stuff is, but sinners can't travel through rings. are there small sloth hospitals in the other rings like emergency rooms and the big hospitals are in sloth? Why is there only one ring for medical things? sounds... “practical” lol. Could you imagine certain parts of the country having hospitals and everywhere it's just emergency rooms?   

Talking about blizto and Stolas being dads  

Like let's be honest Biltzo will drop anything to be with Loona when she needs it, but Stolas wouldn’t do that for Octivia. He would try to do both or tell Via to wait and he’ll “be right back” stolas is a bad dad. He flirts and lollygags with blizto when Via is missing. He'll flirt with Blitzo and bring him along to daddy daughter time at Loo Loo Land instead of giving his daughter his full attention for 5 minutes like he promised her. Stolas literally got kidnapped and tortured by an egotistical cowboy and Biltzo literarily sent his two lackeys to save Stolas because Loona needed a widdle shot. Arguably what's more important, saving literal royalty or getting your adult daughter a flu shot? Via is a child, she's like 16 or 17 and Loona is 23 or so and Blitzo has been shown to be a more capable father to his adoptive adult than Stolas’ literal own blood egg daughter. Stella may not care about or ignore her, but she doesn't carry out empty promise to her daughter (I think I'm shooting in the dark here) Stolas may be trying but he has a long way to go. In spring broken Loona left Blitzo’s sight for like 5 minutes to talk to Vortex and Blitzo freaked out. Octivia when missing for who knows how long and Stolas didn’t notice till Blitzo called him. In the time it took Via to pack a bag, leave the castle, leave whatever ring they live in, go to pride, find IMP, find the right floor, sneak past the shenanigans, find the book, find the spell, open the portal and wonder L.A in the time it took for blizto freak out and to get the courage to call Stolas in the first place. If Moxxie didn’t see the light from the spell she would have been missing for even longer because Loona was definitely not going to tell anyone Octivia was there to begin with. ALSO! Stolas wasn’t even the one to find her in the end Loona brought her to him. I understand it was for Loona and Octivia to bond or whatever but like I wouldn’t take parent and child relationship advice from Loona she abuses Blitzo, undermines his feeling about adopting her, isn't the least bit appreciative of Bliztos care. My guy gave you a place better than the pound to live, a phone, a job, and the only room in his apartment while he sleeps on the couch. I'm not saying Loona has to worship the ground Blizto walks on. Just because someone helps you out of a bad situation you don’t have to hand your ass to them but what you shouldn’t do is beat the shit out of them when they hand you slight criticism. That is all I'm saying. 

Live  

Where does Stolas live? In fact, where andrealphus live? Do all the Ars Goetia live on the same ring?  

Owl dick  

Do owls have dicks? Does stolas have a dick? 

7 deadly sins  

Can the 7 deadly sins date each other?  

[gentlenotes-moved]

So glad to hear that you finally have answers! I'm sure it's gonna make everything at least a bit easier to deal with! I hope that whichever plan of action your doctors now decide to take works quickly and without any problems for you. Beautiful souls like yours don't deserve to be in agony 😓😣

And don't you even dare feel guilty for not coming on Tumblr much now. Your health, physical and mental, is the most important thing!!!

(Me? I've been... existing 😅)

(also, I didn't realise we were mutuals until like a minute ago lol)

first of all, so sorry for the late response! and even if you are just existing, i hope that this existence is treating you gently and lovingly 💗 (and yeah! we're moots now yay!! <3)

but yeah, a definitive answer is really nice. a few days ago they actually sent in a letter saying: "visceral hypersensitivity/overactive nerves sending inappropriate signals to the brain. There is actually no acid reflux." he said it's best treated with low dosages of antidepressants. he also recommended me to get testing done for gastroparesis, and if that comes back "unremarkable", we'll focus treatments on functional dyspepsia.

i have noticed lately that i have had really bad brain fog, esp since this has all started. i've been having a really hard time concentrating, almost constantly fatigued, zone out a fuck ton more than i usually do, and am asking people to repeat themselves quite literally every time they speak, because it all sounds like absolute gibberish. also, (tmi warning), in the past 4 months, i have only had one (1) period that lasted one (1) day. one day. it wasn't even a heavy flow either. my last regular period was when the day this whole situation started, in late november. and i'm currently exactly 3 weeks late for one. like i get the cramps and everything that you get with a period, except the blood.

so... i think this whole brain and nerve thing is going a LOT deeper than just my dyspepsia like systems. i haven't brought any of this up to my doctor, but the next time i see her, i'm gonna. but i have no damn clue what i'm gonna do at this point tbh. (personal/family rant incoming)

my dad is one of those extremely die-hard conservative trumpers, and a MASSIVE conspiracy theorist (just search up qanon; it'll explain everything i'm about to tell you). he was extremely against me getting the endoscopy, saying that my mom and i didn't mention me getting anesthesia (i did mention multiple times throughout the week before I got it done bc he was so damn worried), and him and my mom fought the morning I got the endoscopy done, just before we left.

when we got back, it was absolute hell for about a week, for my mom and i both. he told me that we betrayed him and that someone 'gave me permission' to not follow his instruction (I am 18 when he tells me this btw). then he said that if my mom and i ever question his rules or instruction again, he'll leave us or, worse, [a threat that i don't feel comfortable sharing here] for a week, he accused me of working for my mom's past sexual abuser, and of things i also don't feel comfortable sharing here. and then a week later, everything is perfectly fine. just like that. i'm used to extremely sudden mood and emotion changes in this family; i've been dealing with it for about a decade now (verbal abuse followed by lots of affection through words and gifts over and over). but this isn't my problem at the moment.

throughout the week, i also told him that i considered surgery for my gerd. he then proceeded to tell me that if i even considered doing that, or whatever the doctors say, i'm a retard, and that i clearly don't need him anymore (bc im not following his instruction) and he'll just leave us. and that we don't need him, we just have to "say the words" and he'll be out. so.

when we got this letter, he kept on saying how dumb and uneducated my doctors are (my dad's a high school drop out btw). i don't exactly remember what he said, but it was something to the effect of me needing to drink more water and eat healthier food, but I told him that's what we started with when i found out I had gerd and IBS 5 years ago, and it did nothing. he stood there, silent, for a solid 10 seconds before saying "......you know antidepressants can change your change you and fuck you up forever, right?". and at that point i just kind of gave up.

also my mom was attempting to explain the letter to my dad in the car ride home from picking her up from work, but she said he kept yelling and interrupting her, and just not listening to any explanationa she had to give; i wasn't there for that part.

but in conclusion: i know i'm 18 and can make my own decisions. i know he can't legally stop me from anything now. but for some stupid, insanely stupid reason, i just subconsciously hold my dad's validation more important than my lifelong health.

i even told my mom about all of this, that i'm stuck between my dad's acceptance and my lifelong health, but i also can't seem to say anything either way that will make him happy. And she just said "we'll you're fucked (with making my dad happy), either way, right? why don't you pick the one that comes with you being healthy?" and that actually straightened it out a bit for me.

but like. i still feel IMMENSE guilt whenever i do something that displeases or angers him even in the slightest. i don't know why im hanging my entire self worth one person, him, and i know just how fucked up it is. but it's like i can't stop. i just... i don't know. the situation just seems to be 'do i take care of myself, and him be angered towards me/leave me, or do i neglect my better judgement for the acceptance of my father?'

so that's what i'm currently dealing with at the moment lmfao. thank you so, so much for the ask, and i'm sorry the response was a college final essay. i sincerely hope with all my heart that today/tonight treats you well. 💞

[sylkana]

could u tell us more about how u two met? only if u are comfortable sharing it of course, if not i just wanted to say im very invested in your posts about him and im glad u found someone like that, its nice seeing u happy ♥ wishing u all the best!!!

i'm very flattered that you've taken in interest in this lol. fair warning, this might be a tad long. ok so! we met on this app, it wasn't a dating app or anything like that. it was something more anonymous than that, i used it to try and meet new people and talk to someone when i needed a distraction from my own head, you know?? literally neither of us were really looking for something like that. in fact, he told me that he was just on there bc he was bored one night and he figured that i'd be nothing more than a 30 minute conversation. well.... long story short, we talked for like 4 hours straight lmao

he was so..... refreshing. as i briefly mentioned before, i have a dumb sense of humor. it's very teasing and dramatic and things like that. when i first joked with him he went along with it and that was so rare for me, it made me very happy

so! we met, talked for a few days and then he told me he was going to switch to his old phone bc the one he had at the time was broken and hard to use. so on this app, as i said it's all about anonymity so if you delete it or switch phones like he was going to, it doesn't save your conversations, you have to start over from scratch. unfortunately this did happen with ours and get this... he spent HOURS searching for me again like..... NO ONE has ever done anything like that for me before. thinking about it still makes me feel all tingly

he just gets me in a way most people don't. like with my overthinking, he's very kind and considerate to let me know when he can't talk to me or when it might be awhile bc he understands. i've told him things that i haven't even told my irl best friend and i've known her for years. he's like my very best friend but one i want to kiss and shower in affection and be with forever and ever

i feel bad bc idk when i'll be ready to actually meet and date and all that bc i have so much shit wrong with my life and it's embarrassing but.... maybe one day, if i'm lucky and don't fuck things up

[imnotreal-png]

>:) -- Entry 1

OK i just smoked a joint after i wrote the date and now im kinda chillin but imma still yap on dis hoe.

I am a loser. Like a huge loser, okay? Like im not dumb or wtv, i may have reached a weird and insane level of self awareness, but im just as much of a loser as anyone else.

I keep catching myself trying to people please and overstepping my boundaries and justifying it with "oh everyone else does it, so what, its normal" like ok dumb bitch that doesn't make it okay, get a grip.

But i will be yapping away abt alot of stupid bullshit i deal with and stupid things make me sad. I am very well aware that I am irrational, but these are things i feel in those moments that i always hold in because i don't want people 2 see that weak side of me. It's embarrassing and it's not me.

In truth, i have nooo idea what i'm doing. I have 0 clue on where i'll be in the future. I didn't think i'd make it this far and not on some suicidal shit (idk if u can say that word here, oops.), i just genuinely thought that i'd somehow perish?? Like i wasn't really real in some weird way. I just didn't exist. Even though i was always the center of drama or the cause of all things chaotic, i was always misunderstood. god that's so fucking cringe but hear me out.

I always said shit that i believed was clear enough to be understood and yet it wasn't. Even my tone apparently has been rude this entire time. But no one would actually tell me how i come off, they just ate it up in silence and then spaz on me. Even now i don't really understand because i truly believe i am very clear on what im saying. Yet it's still...not seen the way im trying to show it? Idk if im making any sense bruh but whatever. Maybe im narcissistic but no one understands my brain the way i attempt to express it...or i guess how i see it. Idk i guess im just frustrated that no one understands me or gets my brain.

Also it's super cringe when people tell me im mature for my age. Literally eat my shit. actual ick. get away from me.

I hate my mom. She hates me too but she hates me bc I'm not the pussy she wishes she was when she was my age. She's the most childish person i know. I genuinely do not care what she thinks of me whatsoever. She's just power hungry and immature. Actually, I don't even hate her, i just hate that she gets to have all this power over me. I just want my freedom, thats it. She can hate my lifestyle or whatever the fuck, as long as im not living with her. At the end of the day, im truly content with who i am as a person and my moral compass etc, she cant affect that. I just need to have my own space and leave her household to finally be free and actually experience life in a comfortable and more peaceful way. I guess that's all i can say rn. I just wish she would respect my boundaries and stop treating me like im her competition and she'll always be superior. She won't and i cannot wait for the day she finally see's that lol.

!! super irrational moment alert !!

LMAO this is super cringe but like when i started music i put "listen 2 my moozik" in my bio bc we say muzik in albanian but americans wud have 2 read it as moozik to get it right + its funny? Ever since i started rlly getting exposure and performing out there, all these NON SLAVS/BALKANS have started putting it in their bio's 🙄 like be fr, its sooo obvious (at least to me). And now some of these mfs i've interacted w startes stealing my lingo and the way i type [this isn't how i type when i txt friends. its worse and i shorten everything in a miserable way cuz its funny] and it's cute at first but now mfs on social media posting the way i do and talking the way i do. [insert side eye bc yeah] and it's kinda cringe cuz they're actually rlly shallow and mainstream people, they just look like they trying 2 hard to be quirky. lol.

im probably tweakin tho idk.

i wish i grew up with art. i wish my parents had that and were able to introduce it to me. I feel like a fraud when i try to be creative and do things. Even with making music. As much as i enjoy it and love it and it really does make me happy, it feels fake. I can't play any instruments, i can't sing, im far from a good writer, fuck if know anything abt music theory...i literally just click buttons and make sounds on my computer lol. I didn't grow up indulging in art and creativity, i was actually always super bad at it. I wish i had a deeper connection with it. I wish i understood it better. I wish i expressed it better. I wish my ideas were my own. I want to be able to create something that is truly mine without feeling like im a fake.

UHHHH so imma just come on here and vent whenever i feel like i have something i need 2 say. This is intended for the void, if u come across it...cringe.

[the1975attheirverybest]

I hate that swifties just turned against Joe without any actual evidence and when the pictures of him looking rough came out, they were celebrating and going after his looks (like they are doing with Matty) and it made me want to punch them (not literally) and I'm not part of the fandom at all, it simply was trending on twitter and checked what happened. And now recently they've been putting Matty against Joe and while the majority is hyping Joe up again simply because they hate Matty, the ones who prefer Matty instead also get on my nerves because they are like "he's problematic but at least he displays affection publicly" and the reason why that upsets me so much is because everyone likes really shy introverts when they need someone they can trust but then suddenly we're "cold" and "too reserved" and "should change" the minute we're no longer useful and seeing those tweets just makes me so fucking sad because I am so quiet in public and I really don't do the whole PDA thing but my heart is feeling with love for the people I'm close with and I sympathize with how Joe must be feeling. There was a video going around of Joe at her show and you can see the heart eyes filled with emotion but you can also see that he's so shy and anxious about being in public.

And people being like "she deserves more" has broken my heart. it just triggered something in me. Everyone who's just a little bit like Joe knows the feeling of dating an extrovert or simply someone with a lot of friends and trying so hard to overcome our limitations and still seeing our efforts being ignored. And then people acting like Taylor did him a huge favor for dating him because in their heads "no way she'd be truly happy with someone like that"... We're not all bad, we've got our flaws but we deserve love too and we've got a lot of love to give... (sorry this is more like a personal rant)

As the self-appointed queen of introverts, I completely agree with you. In fact, now you're making me wonder if that's the reason I like joe? haha. I had never psychoanalyzed my soft spot for him, but, when you mentioned the videos of Joe standing in the audience and watching Taylor, you reminded me of a moment from my teens when we were at some big family party and...well, I get anxious asking the Barista for a straw at starbucks, I'm not a dancer. So, I was just kind of in the corner, clapping. much like Joe is in that clip, still having a good time in my own lil way, and my mom came up to me and gave me this whole ass speech about how I don't know how to have fun, lol.

BUT, whatever the swifties or Joe haters say, the facts speak for themselves. Fact: This has been Taylor's longest ever relationship. Fact: she literally wrote him a song that says "people think loves for show but i would die for you in secret." Is that not the best response to these idiots? Fact: she said she'd give him a child if he wanted. Does that sound like someone who isn't truly happy? Fact: one of her songs promises to marry him with paper rings even though she "likes shiny things." If the literary scholars who analyze every single word she writes and its meanings are ignoring these facts, it's because they're looking for someone to hate. Doesn't matter. Taylor and Joe know the love that they shared.

In fact, I'm feeling kind of the opposite haha. people are hating on joe's introverted nature now that he's left Taylor, but im enjoying Matty's weird nervousness around her friends now that he's enter her space. Sure he's sweet when he dances and wears her merch, but what's more important is that he's unsure and out of his element but trying his best anyway. which is how I feel in all social situations hahahaha.

everyone is just trying to get through this miserable life giving love and hoping to receive it in return. why would we make things extra hard on each other by comparing partners or deciding what Taylor should value or whatever? its dumb and pointless and breeds misery.

[iivyhearts]

jimmy and gary (separate) with an airheaded gf

(im doing a fem! reader for this one but u can read it as gn!)

warning: gary's is kinda toxic just a heads up

✥﹤┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈﹥✥

jimmy

very protective

very very protective

doesn't let gary near you at all bc he knows that he will string you into stuff

lets you doodle on his hand just so you concentrate

he looks like a damn colouring book

helps you with homework but he doesn't want to do it for you

however if you're stressed beyond tears he'll do it for u bc he loves you

is literally that meme where theres the guard dog bf and his sweet gf

will threaten to beat up anyone who tries to be mean to you then turns to you all lovey-dovey eyed and pamper you with love

hugging you from behind is a must for him he loves it

with anyone else he wouldn't let them be so mushy with him like cupping his face, kissing everywhere, holding onto his arm.. but-

since its you he allows it; and he has no idea why he's so soft for you

lets you stay over in the boys dorm bc the girls can be mean to u, and he will definitely keep u safe against any gross boys so its 80% safe

the only risk is a prefect finding you out and busting the two of you lol

if you two aren't in his dorm room, you're in the lighthouse together

cuddles in private are a must; jimmy's been through a lot of neglect so he craves all the affection but he likes keeping direct love private so he isn't seen as 'soft'

all in all he adores you <3

gary

he adores you,,, but in a very different way

at first, he loves you bc you're so easy to manipulate and bc he's off his meds,,, he does it a lot

gets you to spread 'he said she said' rumours for him bc you believe it all

also convinces you into being his right hand bc you go along with everything he says

gary loves how his insults go over your head unless they're direct (i.e "you're stupid", "i can't believe you're this dumb")

his sarcasm also sometimes go over your head and he thinks its funny

after a while, he grows kind of protective of you, he doesn't want anyone else to treat you how he treats you, you're like his little pet

if you find out he's not taking his meds, and you probably will through jimmy or pete, you start bugging him to take it

he hates it at first but amidst all his overthinking he realises that you care about him, you want him to perform optimally; so he starts to take them again

now.. on meds gary is more mellow, as we know, so he definitely becomes more soft for you, but not too much

before he took his meds your relationship was in the air, it wasn't concrete and people just assumed the two of you were dating

but now he's taking meds he asks you out directly, and he'll never admit he's over the moon when you say yes

he'll help you with classwork and homework, not always completely but he normally just does it for you bc he gets a little frustrated when you don't get it right

he does make you watch so you learn something whilst he does it for you

practically becomes your private tutor or something

he only cuddles in private, he has a reputation to uphold as a crazy, detached sociopath; he can't be all mushy with you in public

he kinda hates it, but he's dug himself into a hole

he wants to show you off, and sometimes he does in a petty way when people flirt with you

literally just walks over and kisses you until they leave out of awkwardness

unfortunately bc of his reputation, no one believes you when you say he's loving and kind to you (and you alone) in private

gary might eventually redeem himself, but until then he adores you in private

[sugakuns]

[ʜᴄ] 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐲 𝐛𝐨𝐲𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝 = 𝐢𝐧𝐬𝐞𝐜𝐮𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐢𝐞𝐬

sʏɴᴏᴘsɪs: kuroo and oikawa with a s/o who is jealous of their fan girls and is insecure that they’re not enough for them

ᴀ/ɴ: gender neutral pronouns

— 𝐨𝐢𝐤𝐚𝐰𝐚 𝐭.

baby i am so sorry JSHEHO

his fangirls are downright ruthless it’s scary

his last gf didn’t have much of a problem cuz she somehow made amends w the fanclub but they are literally so downright rude to you

even oikawa said something 😐

oikawa is your number one hype man, he’s always calling you his “cutie” and “pretty baby” but after hearing it for a while

it doesn’t cheer you up as much

and oikawa notices that when you pull away from taking pictures with him and stress over your outfits to go out for something dumb at night

oikawa is genuinely such a sweet guy who he doesn’t have to put on some dumb persona at school

literally such a nerd he chills w u in his glasses and an ugly green alien top with shorts that have spaceships printed on them

tbh he probably brings it up when he’s trying to take a photo w you for his private story

“[y/nnnn] why don’t you let me take photos with you anymore?”

“cuz im ugly”

oikawa almost let’s his dramatic side unleash 💀

oikawa is the type to pull out a full PowerPoint presentation on how you’re the most beautiful being on the planet earth

he even pulls away from interacting with his fangirls too, leaving to excuses and allowing iwa to pull him away more than usual

— 𝐤𝐮𝐫𝐨𝐨 𝐭.

canon kuroo is the opposite of a girl magnet

he is eye candy,, yes

but every girl he’s spoke to had almost immediately left the chat cuz he’s such a dork lol

but he bewitches a few..

he has a lot of followers on Instagram cuz,, yk

so you’re quite insecure when he posts a picture with you and the likes go down and a lot of the comments are backhanded compliments aimed towards you

he confronts you when he realises you’ve removed your tag from the post

when you begrudgingly tell him it’s because you’ve received a few dms and the comments have affected you,, he ends up almost crying

he’s so sensitive - I feel it

he hates when people close to him feel down and he’s such an empathetic person

he ends up blocking all of those people who were making rude remarks and proudly displays you on his social medias (he’s already doing it irl 😌)

kuroo makes you feel special in so many ways, leave it down to this man to brighten your mood

[hoonloveclub]

holding hands with enha:

bf!enhypen x gn!reader, fluff!

a/n: very extremely soft hehehe <33 i really hope u guys enjoy it i had a really fun time writing it!

heeseung:

HAND SQUEEZES AND HAND RUBS

BUT ESPECIALLY HAND SQUEEZES

you guys are just watching a movie together

obviously to all the boys bc rom coms keep u alive

a funny part comes up that triggers a memory of you two so u share it with him

“do u remember when i asked u to do the iconic pocket spin so u did and i tripped and fell on my face sdkjdjklsf BYE THAT WAS EMBARASSING”

*he tries so hard not to laugh to comfort you but he fails miserably*

“YES I REMEMBER AND U WERE SO EXCITED TOO SJKDFSLKJDF”

you guys turn to each other, lock eyes and start laughing so hard

after yall tone down a bit he takes your hand, squeezes it comfortingly, and pats it with his other hand saying 

“it’s okay u tried, not your best, but you tried”

“thanks for the good words of encouragement hee” 

he smiles brightly at u

and your heart melts right then and there

jay:

the pocket hand hold yall know what im talking abt

VERY nonchalantly grabs your hand while walking and tucks it into his pocket

*you’re kinda surprised so u look over to him and he’s not meeting your eyes as u walk LOL*

*his eyes are everywhere but yours until he meets them* “why are you looking at me with those eyes”

your eyes are literally glistening with affection

“PLS JAY STOP BEING SO PRIDEFUL IK ALL YOUR SECRETS” 

u continue to whisper “ik you’re a simp for me inside” followed by a sly smirk

“PSH yea sure y/n” he stares at u with a straight face but he can’t hold back his happiness bc, like u said, he’s a simp for u 

“HAH WHAT DID I SAY” u point at his face

“AGH THIS IS EMBARASSING ITS NOT MY FAULT U LOOK SO CUTE” he facepalms himself

“STOP U ARENT ALLOWED TO SAY THAT” u shove your face into his arm

*he looks at u then away to hide his reemerging smile that he knows u would make fun of for eternity*

jake: 

he is ALWAYS holding your hand

doesn’t even realize it (but you do) so u decide to see how he’d react if u kept pushing his hand off yours

yall are sitting next to each other on your phones and he’s mindlessly playing with your fingers

u slowly push his fingers off and he eventually reaches for your hand instinctively again (which u expected) so u do it a couple more times

until the fourth time u push his hand off he looks up at you with a really sad face 

“why do you keep pushing my hand away :((( do you not like it?”

HES LEGIT SO SAD U START FEELING SO GUILTY

“IM SORRY DONT BE SAD IT WAS A SMALL PRANK IM SORRY DONT BE SAD” 

*you grab his hand, entwine it with yours and shower him with affection bc he’s sulky*

“i really thought u didnt like it for seconddd” he shyly laughs and does that thingy where he holds his chest playfully

sunghoon:

yk i dont think he’s a man of physical affection BUT hes the type to hold your hand to drag u places or do something out of the ordinary

*slams the door open*

“Y/N”

“wassup”

*stands there for 10 seconds then approaches u and aggressively grabs your hand and pulls u off the chair*

“okay??!! what’s the rushhh”

*he doesn’t reply he just grabs your other hand, smiles so happily YK THE ONE WHERE HE SCRUNCHES HIS NOSE  then proceeds to dance with u randomly*

*starts singing very badly on purpose too*

u cant help but smile and sing along too

a whole jam sesh 

jungwon walks in then immediately out bc who are these crazies

sunoo:

HOLDING PINKIES OH MY WORD

when u guys are shopping at an outdoor mall walking side by side he suddenly stops

“sunoo? u good??”

“Y/N! HOW COULD WE FORGET!!” 

*you’re looking back at him in distress*

“WHAT??? DID WE LEAVE SOMETHING AT THE BENCH??” you pat your pockets

“noooo” *he holds up his pinky finger*

“oh my god sunoo u scared meee”

u run over and connect pinkies w/him with a wide smile and he reciprocates with giggles

YALL THE ARE THE CUTEST ISTG

jungwon:

he really likes fidgeting with your hand jewelry so rings or even bracelets

rolling your rings around your finger

pulling at the strings of your bracelets

*is fidgeting with your rings and realizing that it was the matching mood ring u got with him*

*gasps with wide eyes*

“Y/N I DIDNT KNOW U ACTUALLY WEAR THE RING”

“YOU DONT??? jungwon... i think we should break up”

*he stands up abruptly runs away and comes back in with the ring on*

“hehe what do u mean i was wearing it the whole time it was just a prank~~~” (it wasnt lol)

he runs over to you and clinks the rings together and entwines your fingers with a pretty smile u couldn’t resist 

niki:

intertwined fingers and lots of aggressive swinging 

*grabs your hand and slowly starts swinging but it escalates very quickly*

“RIKI MY ARM IS ABOUT TO FALL OFF”

*literally doesn’t realize he’s swinging so aggressively*

*looks over to u cutely*

“OH SORRY- did i hurt you??”

*doesnt even wait for you to answer, goes straight in for hug and head pat* “ah! sorryyyyyyyyy”

all u do is laugh bc the situation is so dumb LMFAO

u guys connect hands again and start aggressively swinging your hands and skipping too 

VERY WHOLESOME

[mammonprotectionsquad]

tis true... i shall get some shut-eye after this then

OMG ugh srsly?! are people dumb like wha.... like u seriously have to have never played the game or like never read any of this dialogue to think that. or just be oblivious and dumb COS IT IS SO OBVIOUS that he cares about saeyoung and that he's a good person at heart.

literally, in every route where he affects the plot, that shines through

ya honestly? im ready to throw hands to like omg

[417]

Very good! I wish you a good night then and the sweetest of strawberry sweet dreams 💕

Exactly! Like??? Did they even pay attention to anything at all? Because it doesn't seem like it!

And omg that reminds me of a fanfic I started because it was supposedly a Vandy route one. First of all, I didn't have a clue what was going on from the start lol. Nothing made sense. Mc was a mess and Vandy? They made him take advantage of injured and kind of out of it mc to... Yk 😶 get down and dirty in the strangest moment possible. And that's where I said "nope, not on my watch. Not gonna read this any further. It's all big bs" xD

No shade to the author at all! But... It just felt wrong on so many levels 😩

[kraniumverse]

sad vent boohoo:(

i think the reason i like season 6 so much is that I relate to the trauma of it

not in the literal kidnapping and tortured way lol

but like. in the way that i'm going through Stuff™ alone. its hard for me to open up and actually say what's bothering me. everyone says "i'm here for you" and I know. but will you understand. will i be able to make you understand. i went to a therapist for the first time yesterday. and i vented about what bothered me. its always easier to do it to a stranger. but I found out that when I said anything... every time I finished a sentence... i had doubt. is this really it? isnt this dumb? it seems so stupid to worry over this. on one hand I know my feelings are valid because they are bothering me for a reason. on the other... I just feel really fucking dumb

the events of season 6 never happened, they were erased. and everyone's memories were too, except those who were directly affected by them: jay and nya

so why wont jay and nya talk about them? tell them what actually happened and talk about their trauma?

it's just. it just feels better if you don't acknowledge it. youve gone through all of that, why tell them and relive those moments? to have their reactions on it? you dont want pity. you dont want to find out how pathetic you are for thinking those events are traumatic enough. it happened and you dont wanna acknowledge it. leave it to die in the past

but you were hurt. you are still hurt. it carries over unto everything. you find someone different in your place

and maybe thats why I love reading fics where the rest of the ninja find out. where they understand and they care and they dont diminish what they felt and still feel. where they still love them and they show it and they say it. where they tell them it happened it was real and their feelings are also real

that what they feel isnt dumb

I dont know

im just

im so sad

[kinnie-moment]

SoKi hcs because they are criminally underrated idc

These mfs have so much trauma LOL

Kids always paranoid about becoming a kishin like Asura

Also has nightmares about being kidnapped…… that could not have been a fun experience. I’m sure he wakes up practically trembling. 

And Soul is of course still torn up over the black blood and the little demon

#bestievibesonly 😍😍

Soul feels. So inferior to Kid. LIKE HES A MF DEATH GOD HE DID SERIOUS DAMAGE ON THE KISHIN and Soul thinks he’s just some guy

But Kid always notices and knows exactly what to say to Soul. He has a very proper and elegant way of speaking, and that translates into compliments

But when it comes to them getting together!! Its a funny story i will pretend its cannon

It was a school dance. Soul found himself on the balcony as usual, but this time it was Kid who came out to greet him and ask if he was okay

He figured Soul would be dancing with Maka since they came to the dance together, but after speaking to Soul for a minute or to he suddenly realized it wasn’t like that

Eventually, he got Soul to spill that he wanted to dance with someone, he just didn’t think they’d say yes

“I think you should ask them, Soul. Surely they’ll accept it if you approach it properly.”

“Okay pretty boy, wanna dance with me?”

Yeah Kid nearly fell backwards of the balcony 

So much?? Just happened???? Being asked to dance??? BEING CALLED PRETTY BOY??????????

He suddenly realizes he forgot to respond so he quickly mutters a small “y-yes.” and Soul thinks it's hilarious.

Kid gets flustered very easily but we’ll come back to that later

Anyways they dance and!!!!! Turns out Liz set the whole thing up and basically told soul that kid liked him LMFAOSKB

As for general relationship hcs:

Kid calls Soul the sweet and tender pet names like “love” and “dear”

But also stuff like fruitcake and dumbass. Lovingly, of course

Oh my god they probably call each other the f slur bye

Soul calls him stuff like “pretty boy” and “kiddo” and Kid rolls his eyes and pretends like he hates it

One time Soul called him some dumb shit like “alive the offspring” and got slapped in the face. He doesn't regret it tho because Kid’s small giggle was the sweetest sound he’d ever heard. He’s down bad yall.

Kid gets flustered. So incredibly easily. And it's super obvious bc mf is so PALE

Soul could whisper something slightly outta pocket and Kid is bright red in a second

Its very funny everyone teases him for it <33333

Tfw ur literally a death god but can't handle holding ur bfs hand

However, Soul can get just as flustered. He's only slightly better at hiding it

Kid has definitely shot Soul in the balls before. Just bc he was being obnoxious 

“If you damage anything down there it’s a loss on your part, remember that.”

Soul gets an extra shot in the face for that one

Very chill relationship. They really don't need to constantly drown each other in affection, sometimes just sitting in silence together is enough

Just stuff they'd do even if they weren't together, like sneaking out to the basketball court late at night

“If I win I get to move all the furniture off center” “If I win you shut the fuck up”

I know i said they don't have an incredibly over the top relationship, but there is a lot of reassurance needed with these two

Soul has like,,, the insecure jealousy. He knows his bf is like the hottest guy ever. He knows his bf possesses an immense power and a high status. It seems ridiculous that he’d settle for a guy like soul

But he did. And Kid doesn’t regret it, no matter what Soul thinks

God im just jumping around w these but… onto pda and physical affection!

At first, Kid isn’t big on physical affection. He’s never really gotten it before so he’s like ????? what even is that

He discovers how nice it can be one day when he’s beginning to spiral. Instead of trying to talk to Kid, Soul just gently pulled him closer and rubbed small circles into his back until he had calmed down and Kid was like. oh. oh okay.

So needless to say, he’s very big on affection now. When Soul hugs him he doesn't feel like a god anymore. He doesn’t feel the stress of living up to his father. He can just sink into the feeling of security. 

Soul loves to give Kid hugs from behind. Just to flex that he’s taller. Even tho its only by 1 inch

He talks mad shit for a mf that's literally 5’3

LMAO ANYWAYS

They both give me the vibes of….. clingy when sleepy. Kid practically clings to Soul when he’s asleep, and if Soul attempts to get up Kid will just whine and pull him back while he’s in this half asleep state

He’ll never admit to it though.

Soul loves to watch Kid fight. He's just so graceful with each move and it's incredibly badass.

Kid loves to wear Soul’s hoodies around the house. Again, he’s only 1 inch shorter but Soul wears looser clothes so it definitely fits a bit big on him

Soul loves when Kid plays with his hair

Kid loves it to, but at the same time he’s so insecure about his hair he usually prefers to forget about it completely 

But if he's had a hard day is he really gonna say no when Soul offers to hold him and rub his hair????? No absolutely not

Who the fuck would say no to that

Ugh i love them

Pov homosexuality 

Oooo u wanna be my friend and talk to me about them so bad ooooooo kid kinnies wanna give me validation so bad ooo

Also im only doing self promo bc there’s no SoKi content out there but!!! I have tons of SoKi content on my ao3 (kinnie_moment) and i’m slowly uploading them to my wattpad (kinnie_moment_asf) so feel free to check those out if u want more content!! I love these two sm i doubt i’ll stop writing them anytime soon