#im more devasted at this then the breakup honestly

[livelovecaliforniadreams]

#He Couldn't Have Been More Wrong

[wonuwrites]

Seventeen as Songs From “The Tortured Poet Department: The Anthology.”

A/N: this album is fucking amazing and has inspired me to write so much. So the way I’m doing this is giving a member a song + a lyric with a mini drabble. In future I might do Song Reactions for a few of these songs *cough* Down Bad and Fortnight *cough* but until then I’m doing it like this. If anyone wants more writing of said drabbles please request it 🫶

Also before I get to warnings let me just say: this is 100% fictional and not at all how I think any of the members are irl. This album doesn’t portray the make counterpart in good light that much (minus But Daddy I Love Him, The Alchemy, + So High School.) however I'm in a angsty af mood so I’m writing it. If you hate it, im sorry. I just have to write it to process my grief. ALSO: not all of them are going to be hella angsty but most will be because this album is unhinged

Warnings: angst (not everyone's though: 96 Line + Joshua is lowkey cute,), Jun's is NSFW so Minors DNI, mentions of alcohol, breakups, heartbreak, codependency, pledis, i also wrote some swear words so if you hate bad words: this album and my writing is not for you lmaoooooo

ღ S. Coups: The Bolter "With a quite bewitching face Splendidly selfish, charmingly helpless Excellent fun 'til you get to know her Then she runs like it's a race."

Seungcheol woke up to an empty bed and couldn't help but sigh before rubbing his face. He let you in again, even after swearing to Jeonghan and Jihoon he was done. However, there was something about you that just kept him wanting more and more. He knew that you were never one for commitment because "Where was the fun in that? Commitment just is a recipe for getting hurt." He knew that trying to pursue a "bolter" was a lost cause but he just couldn't help it. He was madly in love with you and every time you left he felt more devastated than the time before. Every 11:11 he wished that one day you would let him at least try to show you that commitment could be a beautiful thing.

ღ Jeonghan: The Albatross "Locked me up in towers But I'd visit in your dreams And they tried to warn you about me."

Jeonghan knew the risks of dating you. You were what some people called a temptress and a "nightmare dressed like a daydream." He knew that there was a chance you would ruin his life and honestly, at the time, he was all in for it. He was sure he could call your bullshit however time showed that his bullshit was called out. He found out that what everyone said was not as true as they thought. He found you to be the most amazing person in this world so when you left he was heartbroken. You told him you didn't want to be what everyone said but you had to leave and you knew he would find someone even better in the long run. However, he saw you in his dreams, he saw you in faces in the street, he saw you everywhere. He missed you and wished you would be able to let him in so you could prove all of them wrong.

ღ Joshua: Fresh Out The Slammer "And no matter what I've done, it wouldn't matter anyway Ain't no way I'm gonna screw up now that I know what's at stake here."

You looked around the crowd of people as you entered a familiar park. You knew this place all too well and your heart was racing. You just got out of six year relationship with someone you swore was supposed to be your forever person. However, you always unintentionally compared him to your first love, Hong Jisoo. For the past year, you were mentally checked out of your relationship because all you could think about was Jisoo. You took a deep breath before you sat down on an empty swing and waited. You waited for what seemed like five hours when the swing next to you was taken. You glanced over and saw Jisoo looking at you with a soft smile. Your heart started to race as you both made eye contact. It had been so long but he looked as beautiful as ever. Jisoo then leaned over and pressed a kiss against your lips while grabbing both of your hands. You smiled as familiar lips that felt like home brought back warm memories. You then put your foreheads together before awkward giggling. "Welcome home, (Y/N)."

ღ Jun: So High School "Your friends are around, so be quiet I'm trying to stifle my sighs 'Cause I feel so high school every time I look at you But look at you."

You are so head over heels for Moon Junhwi as was he over you. You both felt like it was a first love that you would have back in high school. All of the feelings you would feel back in High School came crashing back. One night when you were celebrating something with all of your friends and with his group members you both ran off into a closet and were just making out when it started to get more and more intense. You both were flushed and giggling as you both helped each other get undressed. He made sure the door was locked before attaching his lips back to you. "Try to stay quiet, baby girl," he would whisper as his fingers made their way to your nipples which caused you to softly moan into his lips. "Yes sir." A quickie would be good enough for now as you tried your best to stifle the moans and sighs that Jun was causing. If his friends knew what was going down, they kept it a secret from you but teased the hell out of him when you were gone.

ღ Hoshi: imgonnagetyouback "And I'll tell you one thing, honey, I can tell when somebody still wants me, come clean."

Soonyoung and you kept crossing paths and it was honestly frustrating you. You both didn't have a horrible breakup but it still was a breakup that hurt a lot. It took everything to get over him and you swore you were over him. However, every time you saw him, you couldn't help but second guess everything. At one of these "crossroad" moments, the "crazy" in you came out after you kept making eye contact with him one too many times. You made your way across the room despite your friends trying to stop you and pulled him to an empty storage room. Both of your breath was heavy before you glared into his eyes and whispered, "I know you still want me, please come clean." This caused him to scoff before pushing you up against the door and whispering, "you first, baby girl."

holy shit, 100 notes and I will write a one shot for this one

ღ Wonwoo: But Daddy I Love Him "Now I'm dancin' in my dress in the sun and Even my daddy just loves him I'm his lady And, oh my God, you should see your faces."

A video of one of you and Wonwoo's first dates ended up getting leaked and soon dating rumors started spreading like wildfire. There was both positive and negative thoughts from both of your fans as expected but to be honest it was just "white noise" for both of you because honestly who gave a fuck what anyone thought. When both of your CEO's sat with both of your managers and you, they informed you that dispatch was working on an article "exposing" the truth and that's when you both realized that you both wanted to be the ones to tell the fans. You decided to post on instagram a mini reel of moments between Wonwoo and you saying, "the rumors are true. wanted to let you know before dispatch told you all." Once you confirmed, there was still some negative press but mostly it was positive which Wonwoo and you were both thankful for.

omg i wanna write a one shot for this too bc what!?

ღ Woozi: The Alchemy "'Cause the sign on your heart Said it's still reserved for me Honestly, who are we to fight the alchemy?"

Honestly, you were shocked to see Lee Jihoon brace an event like this. Especially, after all this time. It was not his crowd or in his comfort zone. You could see how nervous he was as he fiddled with his arm cuffs and nervous laughing to whatever his friend was saying. Based on rough memories you believed his friends name was "Kwon Soonyoung" but that seemed like many life times ago. It felt like a car crash when you looked at him because you couldn't turn away or look away. Memories of you both kept replaying through your memory. You just stared at the man who you once loved exist on the other side of the room. After awhile, he realized a pair of once familiar eyes were staring at him. He looked back and his face softened. It felt like a movie as you stared at each other. Neither of you remember who walked to who first but soon you both were sitting side by side at the bar laughing and recalling old memories. The hole that was in both of your hearts seemed to be patched up as the conversation progressed. When the night was over, he asked if you would be comfortable seeing him again and you couldn't say 'yes' quick enough.

ღ DK: Peter "And sometimes it gets me When crossing your jet stream We both did the best we could do Underneath the same moon In different galaxies."

"It will always be you, maybe one day we can come back together when it's not so crazy." That was the last thing you ever heard Seokmin say after you both agreed it was time to call it quits. Who's fault was it? Honestly neither of your fault. Neither you or Seokmin could say that you did not try. Of course you both tried. You both tried to make everything work but things were just too different and well 'crazy.' With his career, he was everywhere and vise versa. You both were just never in the same time zone at the same time. It was like this for months when finally it just fizzled. Time moved on, as did both of you, but when you looked out the airplane window and noticed you were flying over Seoul your heart couldn't help but mourn. You wondered what could've been. You wondered if he still laughed while clapping like a seal and if he was still sunshine for everyone he met. It broke you a bit to remember. "It will always be you, Seokmin," you whispered before closing the curtain of the window.

ღ Mingyu: Down Bad "How dare you think it's romantic Leaving me safe and stranded 'Cause fuck it, I was in love So fuck you if I can't have us."

"Kim Mingyu, you are a fucking coward," you whispered as you tried to hide your angry heartbroken tears from him. "(Y/N), trust me this is the last thing I want to do," he whispered with tears threatening to fall. Dispatch had found out about both of your relationship three days ago and the hate toward you was heavy. Delusional fans thought their beloved idol was cheating on them and you deserved to die because it was obviously your fault the 'affair." You were down to fight and continue forward but he couldn't handle the hate you were receiving and knowing there was only so much he could do. Fuck, maybe he was a 'fucking coward' but he was doing it because it would be safe for you. Who knows what saesangs could do to you. If anything happened to you, he would never forgive himself. He rather have you hate his guts then have you killed.

ღ Minghao: I Can Do It With A Broken Heart "I can hold my breath I've been doin' it since he left I keep finding his things in drawers Crucial evidence I didn't imagine the whole thing."

It has been about two months since Minghao and you broke up and it honestly has felt like a fever dream since it happened. Some days were better than others. You honestly thought today was one of the 'better' days but that was before you found one of his cardigans in one of your drawers and you just couldn't help but put it on and lay on the floor. You couldn't help but remember all the memories of him and you with this cardigan. Whether he was wearing it or you were. It was warm just like the memories and it killed you. You wrapped the cardigan around you tighter around you and just sobbed. You knew one day it would stop hurting, but until then, you were just going to run with the punches and try your best to do it with a broken heart.

ღ Seungkwan: My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys "'Cause I knew too much, there was danger in the heat of my touch He saw forever, so he smashed it up.

Seungkwan knew he fucked up the moment he stepped foot into his house after breaking things off with you. Truth be told he was terrified of you. You knew him like the back of your hand and he knew you like the back of his hand. He saw a future with you. He saw you owning a dog, living in a house in Jeju, owning a dog, having one to two kids, everything. However, he wasn't mentally ready for that. At least at the time he thought he wasn't. Now that he was alone and realizing what he had done, guilt was eating him up. He lost everything because his own damn anxiety lied and said there was danger. There was nothing he could do to fix it now.

ღ Vernon: The Black Dog "I move through the world with the heartbroken My longings stay unspoken And I may never open up thе way I did for you."

Nobody understood you the way Hansol did. He had the manuscript on what made you tick. Like how you liked your coffee over exactly five ice cubes, how you would always whisper 'thank you' before eating any kind of meats because they once had a soul, and how you would blink twice before laughing at one of his jokes. So when he made the call to end things you wondered how on earth you would ever find someone who could handle your quirks and wouldn't find you strange. It made you feel abandoned and made you hate him so much for hurting you this way. When you expressed your feelings to your friends, they would tell you it would get better eventually. Eventually, whenever "Hansol" escaped your lips to them they would tell you to stop talking. That's why you just were silently heartbroken as you replayed everything over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again.

ღ Dino: So Long, London "You swore that you loved me, but where were the clues? I died on the altar waitin' for the proof."

Your phone light blinded you as you stared at Lee Chan's pointless apologies. You both had been struggling in your relationship for the last five months. You thought things were looking up until one of your best friends delivered the heartbreaking news that they saw him kissing a new stylist that started working for them ironically when things started to go shit. You felt many things. You felt betrayed, you felt hurt, you felt sick, you felt embarrassed. He swore he loved you, he pinkie swore he loved you not even three days ago. However, you trusted your best friend and you saw visual proof which was more proof or clues on how much he "loved" you. Even though it killed you, you texted back, "So Long, Iksan." before blocking his number and preparing yourself on officially getting over him.

[loserdiaz]

inspiration saturday! 💌🎸

tagged by @prince-buck-diaz @panbuckley @monsterrae1 and @honestlydarkprincess 💗 thanks lovelies

here's a snippet and a moodboard for my exes to lovers musician buck au (i can't remember if i shared this already bc it's been months but im pretty sure i haven't)

Buck and Eddie broke up on a Tuesday night, because of course they did. 

Buck had been on tour for six months at the time and turns out long distance relationships are way harder than they ever gave them credit for— not to mention the constant scrutiny and rumors they had to deal with. 

Honestly, Buck doesn't blame Eddie at all for finishing things off. Eddie was always too good to be true anyway, and he deserves better than whatever Buck could ever offer. Eddie deserves happiness and he deserves being worshiped and adored… and he deserves peace. Something Buck could never give him, no matter how much he wants to. 

Eddie called him after his last concert in London— it had been almost midnight for Buck but Eddie was just getting out of a shift and the sun was hitting his face in just the right way, making his skin look golden and tanned and so tempting. 

But Buck had immediately known something was wrong by the way Eddie's shoulders had been tense and his lips had been pursed in a fine line. 

"I can't do this anymore." Eddie had said and the wind had been knocked out of Buck in the worst way possible. "I'm sorry."

Eddie's voice had sounded controlled and the man had been avoiding eye contact like the plague. Buck had known right then and there it was over. 

Admittedly, the break up has been hard and he's been heartbroken since that video call— they couldn't even do it face to face, for God's sake— and he's been spiraling more than ever. 

Over a decade as a musician, doing this until he could perform an entire concert with his eyes closed, and he’d never once been as homesick as he was after that call. He'd never been nervous before a performance, but his stomach roiled now ominously. He’d been able to distract himself from the devastating blow, the memory of warm brown eyes and soft skin and a fond smile, for the last two days, pushing the tour crew and himself hard, pouring all of himself over his lyrics, writing heartbreaking songs after heart breaking songs, even booking some studio hours in whatever city he was at the time. If he stopped moving or thinking, there Eddie was, and Jesus, Buck'd fucking lost him. 

His jugular ached from supporting his heart. That’s where it sat after the breakup, every minute of the day; having Eddie in his life had been so painfully sweet. So much better than Buck knew life could be.

And it ended. 

Of course it did.

It always ends, Buck thinks bitterly. 

The fans and the magazines and gossip sites have been speculating about the reason like crazy for months, even from way before Eddie actually broke up with him. (Buck can't help but to resent them a little bit for that.) but nothing prepared him for this.

tagging: @buddierights @alyxmastershipper @prettyboybuckley @bigfootsmom @starlingbite @hippolotamus @the-likesofus @spotsandsocks @elvensorceress @ebdaydreamer @bekkachaos @messyhairdiaz @barbiediaz @dijkstraspath @911onabc @cowboy-buddie @cowboy-buck @spaceprincessem @transbuck @transboybuckley @thewolvesof1998 @diazblunt and whoever else wants to do it <33

[sohmiya]

do u think that maxine would be more compatible with e than seven or even griffin? i’m just so intrigued about anything to do with maxine, u did such a good job creating her

first of all i just want to say thank you for loving maxine 🥹🥹 she’s one of my ocs that make me so glad she’s my oc sbshajsjs

sigh. ok the question…. i’ve never felt so devastated by a pairing that i made but ok 🚶🏻‍♀️ (my answer got so longgggg shajak im sorry)

(also lmk if my characterization is off because sobs. the last if i played was merry crisis and that was back in june/july and i haven’t caught up to any if demo releases and updates because reality is distracting me from my playtime)

ok so. i’m gonna start with griffin. honestly i never really thought about how maxine’s relationship with him could play out bc it’s hard for me to imagine an opening for them to start a relationship. i mentioned in an earlier ask about max that griffin (and even vic) is off limits because despite her being reckless, cheating is just too messy for her. but if he wasn’t married and she did go out with him, i think they might work out until they couldn’t anymore. idk the extent of griffin as a rockstar but for maxine, part of it is business and a front to attract the media and direct the public’s attention to her music. no matter how wild she is, she still wants her downtime. being on rockstar mode can drain her so i think with the height of griffin’s fame and image, i don’t think they’d last. this hc might change tho sjsksks but yeah right now i see them better as industry friends and griffin being more like maxine’s mentor. he’s seen the dark side of the industry and maxine’s wild side so i can imagine him guiding her through the messy parts once her fame skyrockets

sighhh ok evren and seven. this is actually making me sad LMFAOOO anyway it’s hard to weigh which of the two is more compatible with maxine because the connection maxine found with evren is similar to the one she felt with seven. but also for different reasons if that makes sense?

maxine thought seven was the one. the connection she had with him felt rare because it was so she was really devastated after the breakup. they saw each other as equals. they had the same passion, same dreams, same drive, etc. they were always on the same wavelength. maxine and seven were almost one and the same

evren, on the other hand, knew exactly what it’s like to be painted by the media as someone you’re not. the only difference is he doesn’t have much say on his reputation while maxine has a way of manipulating the media to her favor. but evren became maxine’s company in all the times she just doesn’t feel like being a rockstar and maxine was the safe place for evren, not evren acevedo

so like. maxine’s relationship with seven was built on passion and intensity. like if maxine was standing in the eye of the storm, seven would be there next to her. while evren and max became each other’s calm after the storm. the still moments when the curtains close and there’s no one to put on a show for

sooooo you decide who’s more compatible for maxine because i really don’t know jsdnsksmsks

[shhisp]

1.I read your hc about Alpha Kids education and I wonder how much of Grandma English not telling Jake about HIC was because she thought she still had more time. Like he was still very little when she died. But at the same time for me it makes Jake look very sharp that he managed to survive on that island. Buuut yeah, he wouldn't survive normal school (mood).

2. Im really curious if you have hc about Jake relationship with Jade? I'm still sad that them being penpals and clearly friends for years was ignored in Homestuck. They build murderbunny together! Best bonding time ever. Plus I bet that Dirk was veeeeeery jealous that Jake build a ROBOT with SOMEONE ELSE for SOMEONE ELSE.

1. I do think she told him ENOUGH about HIC that, like, he got a helping of generational trauma from both Condy and LE which I love because angst. I do think she would've told him more, though, when he was... you know, older. But I can just as easily see her not going into true graphic detail about the stuff she used to experience. You have Jake remembering vividly about her mother killing her dog, but she told of a more "fantastical" tale despite that detail, curiously enough. Jade has so much she just builds up inside of her that I don't think she'd ever say enough to make Jake feel as truly devastated as she knew he probably would. I imagine she told him about Bec first and foremost, which had Jake spiraling, the poor boy. She tried to tell him what she could without breaking his heart ):

2. I could probably talk about Jade and Jake and their relationship together for fucking ages and all the different dynamics, because imo there's an infinite amount of ways I handle them in my head! In which case I'll probably go into my favorite platonic dynamic for them post-game, which I've done a LOT of thinking over since 2017.

Platonic route aside I love Dirk being jealous of Jade anyway. Jake clearly went to his grandma first and foremost as his main source of comfort after such a traumatizing game and a messy breakup with a hint of sexual assault to boot, and this is more or less Hussie-confirmed! In the epilogues, out of all the direct pairs (John and Jane, Dave and Dirk, Rose and Roxy), Jade and Jake seem to be the absolute closest with each other! And the umm. Well the whole Harlenglish annual orgy thing which is....... MOVING ON!

I think she always ends up seeing him as more of her grandson than she does her grandpa, especially since they know each other as kids and all! Jake, though, just naturally seems to fit into the role of soft submissive boy raised by an awesome woman trope. He greatly idolizes her, just like he canonically does John, who I imagine he saw as more of a "Poppop" than Jane did, seeing as everything Jade told him about dear old John! It's honestly so adorable I could cry! Jake loves his family to bits and pieces and it's so... SO very wholesome.

I have my own ideas about how John would see Dirkjake working out ("EB: how can a black eye be consensual??") but Jade I think definitely Gets It more than anyone. That being said she is so horribly hard on Dirk anyway. That's her baby boy her grandpa her grandson her BROTHER!!! and she will aim a gun at him if he does something fucking stupid (and he does that a lot, I think.) Dirk however respects her to hell and back and he's like. Alright. If my boyfriend's grandma tells me to kill myself I'm gonna respect her wishes, because she's right. A lot of mutual respect remains between them all the same, imo, especially when their main goal is to just see Jake happy. I love them getting closer and starting to talk about their shared interests more than life itself as the years go by.

The conversation when he calls Jade about wanting to get out of his relationship in the candy route is one of my favorite parts between them and says sooooooo much, even if we didn't get it in canon Homestuck proper. He trusts her more than even Roxy, at that point, and that personally says so much to me. Ugh I love them. Even when they're only cousins in some AUs I make, they're always two peas in a pod that almost always share the same bed when they can.

I have some other ideas of course that would be better suited for another post, and some particular details for Grandpa and Jade and Grandma and Jake (likewise, very specific circumstances) but this is how I like to write their relationship in almost every regard. Jane doesn't strike me as very protective at all, much as I love her, but Jade and Jake will defend each other to the ends of the Earth. Jake basically threatened Dave in candy for not giving her a child, imagine if he BROKE HER HEART!!!

Harlenglishes 4ever. I would do anything for more content of them together. 😭

[pinkadork]

I haven't really talked much but like.

Between being sexually harassed trying to get to work since my car erupted into flames and then paying that mf ( and ofc people i trust) to take me to work (when they do since its not like i havent been left either at the house or at work and had to either stay home, walk or beg people to pick me up, between my family hanging money over my head trying to get me motivated and help me get a car when i could really use it more to help with bills, the immense summer guilt thats just become the norm atp. I feel it. I've been tired for so long. I try to fake some kind of mojo on some fake it til ya ma it shit but i stg everyday is some other bs. I've had stuff get cut off temporarily in the past so it shouldnt be a big deal but idk. I just wish things couldve been different i guess.

I shouldve been fired ,which I'm glad im not but the anxiety knowing im well past the point limit and feel like at any moment im gonna either get a call that im fired or get dropped off just for my ID to not work and be stuck walkin back is constantly on my mind.

I always feel like im still messing up relationships with people i love and care about even though im trying and have been using the coping skills ive since ive been seeing a therapist again. Yeah i say im lonely but is more than that honestly, im just devastated everyday goes by like this, i had to address and try to figure out the situation of their stuff a few months ago because i felt immensely guilty over everything. I packed stuff up months ago im still washing and packing. Or i was. I feel like i dont get to so shit now but disappoint and upset people. I couldn't even explain that im upset because i feel like ive had to try and motivate myself so much just to live and that i feel like i dont go to work for anything. Hearing everyone talk about the good money we make at work knowing i havent been able to make it a full work week with out something happening irks my soul, even more so when its like im still trying and then either the response is try harder or give up and throw away the progress. I dont necessarily care about money but its obvious niggas need it. Ive been eating out of the convenience store or at work since August. Ive bought groceries twice in the last 3 months and groceries is being charitable because if im being honest i bought some breakfast food and have been esting on that to the point where i might be tired of it. I've always had to take care of myself against the stupidest of odds so sue me if im bitter that instead of chilling and relishing like everyone else about owning my house after being homeless and getting kicked out, thrown around, feeling like i have to mold into this nigga, that nigga to get through shit. I'm sorry that after every funeral, fight, breakup, sudden job change, shitty living environment, and overall fuckup ive done in my life wont mean a goddamn thing. Its always just gonna be something i couldve done more with, did better, tried harder. I dont want too anymore.

[sailorsally]

I have had kind of the same situation With a best friend and then a childhood friend. Who both times i was the one who ended it. The childhood friend was not giving me anything and in the end we where only friends beacuse we had know each other since we where kids. The other who was my best friend is a sore spot and still are. Its been 15 years since That friendship ended.. and i still think of them. But i can say im glad the childhood friend is no longer my friend, beacuse now she has like 5 kids and is part of a pyramid scheme and selling sand water With her husband…

Oh I am sorry you went thru this. For me it was the most painful breakup of my life. I was 22 at that time and had just moved back to my country after I dropped out of uni abroad and was severely depressed, it was summer and me and her literally spent the whole time planning our upcoming year and what we'd do and where we'd go, we were isneparable! and come september she tells me she's actually moving to study in the same country I had just left and that her flight leaves in 24 hours..... I have never felt more betrayed in my life. Obviously this wasn't a quick decision, so she had led me on for months. Let me plan and imagine our future together while she had plans to leave. It devastated me so badly, I cried for 3 days straight. Couldn't eat, couldn't sleep. It was a miserable time.

I was no contact with her for 3 years, spoke and saw her a couple of times since, once at her wedding. She was tereibky jealous and rude to my friends once, other times she messaged me offering to 'help me and set me up with a friend of her foreigner husband' (as if this was ever something I wanted lol) or countless advice on how to live my life in general. Mind you at this point we wouldn't even do much beyond exchanging pleasantries twice a year (usually on our birthdays). She didn't know me anymore and tbh from what she was saying she never knew me well at all. This realisation has given me a lot of peace. We had been pretty much inseparable for 12 years, but these were school years where we saw each other every day by default.

To be honest, I wouldn't even approach her to be my friend now as an adult. For a while she would randomly send me photos from our childhood saying how she misses "those times". Looking at those photos I don't get sad but I don't miss those times either. It happened and it was all good, I don't hate how things were. It's just I am not the same person anymore and that is how it's supposed to be. I am ok with being me.

This happened 13 years ago and you can see how well I'm handling it atm. It's just I know all these things on a rational level but on an emotional level it still makes me feel abandoned and that's why I don't wanna hear anything about her

I have ended one other relationship after this, it wasn't as painful as this but at some point you just get tired of always being the accommodating friend you know? Sometimes you wanna be accommodated for once as well. And it didn't happen so the sulky child in me that day stomped her foot down and says 'I am no longer friends with this person!' and honestly I think that was for the best.

My favourite way to end a friendship was this one time in middle school when I had a best friend and then we had summer break and when we came back the next year she was all girly and wanted to talk about boys and I was still a tomboy and wanted to play football and kick boys so we kinda naturally drifted apart in the comming weeks? There was nothing dramatic about it, we were very friendly towards each other before she moved to another school years later.

Generally I think you always gotta look forward, what happened brought you here and made you this person, what matters is what you will do next. People change. If you can be lifelong friends while also feeling like you can be yourself with them, that is great but sometimes people change in ways that aren't compatible anymore and you gotta move on. It hurts a lot to lose friends you grew up with because in comparison to adult friends, they feel more like a part of you, probably because you had a lot of first experiences together as kids which is a rarity in adult friendships. But eh, it is what it is. You will hurt someone, someone will hurt you, you will feel pain, or worse - won't feel any. That's life.

[ganggangscenarios]

An easy mistake pt. 2

Plot: it’s about time you got to know your new roommate.

“I thought your name was Joe! Your Instagram is ‘joejrocks98’!”

He exclaims, eyes wide.

“Joe J as in Joe Jonas? The frontman of the legendary band, the Jonas Brothers?” You counteract.

His eyebrows furrow. He shakes his head in confusion.

Your expression mirrors his own.

“You don’t know the Jonas Brothers?” You look at him in disbelief. When you were approximately 7 to the tender age of 13, the Jonas brothers were your be all end all. So how he didn’t know they existed was shocking to you.

“I honestly have no clue who they are… were?” His brows crease more.

You gasp.

“How dare you? They are legends.” You clutch your imaginary pearls.

“I’m sorry?” His eyes widen, resembling that of a puppy that has been caught ripping up the new sofa.

Your heart melts.

“No, no. I guess I should’ve switched up my username. I’ve been using the same one since 2004.”

He offers you a smile.

“So! What made you think I was a girl?” He settles back on his bed, crossing his legs at the ankles, adjusting his pillow behind his head.

I’m an effort not to invade his personal space, you perch on the edge of his bed.

“Your work is so delicate, the way you capture moments in pictures. Usually men are heavy handed and ruin everything they touch.” Your bitterness slips out.

“There’s a story here.” He leaves room for you to talk.

You shake your head.

“Plus, I saw like a snippet of your Instagram story, you had some cool earrings…” your voice trails off.

“It’s my bad to assume that you were a woman because of jewellery. F gender norms. Plus you’re the manliest man I’ve ever seen. “ you lightly laugh.

He truly was the manliest man you had ever seen. You didn’t even know that the human body had so many muscles and where they were on the body. His full sleeve screamed at you, the way each painting wrapped around his arm.

“What else made you think I was a dude?” You cross your legs.

“In almost all of your pictures, there’s a dudes leg? Like it’s taken from a man’s POV? And I thought you were a dude with a girlfriend. There’s this one where he’s taking a picture of his shadow with his girl.”

You sigh.

“Yeah, my boy- ex-boyfriend always took better pictures, so I used them for my Instagram. He always knew how to use a camera. So well, he had practice, cos you know, he uh, sent like 20 dick pics a day.” Your hands run over the bumps in his comforter.

“Oh! That’s a lot of photos to send in a day. You must’ve been sick of them.” He awkwardly tries to diffuse your souring mood.

“None of them were for me. That’s why I’m here. We lived together.” You throw yourself back on the bed.

Jungkook starts laughing.

You scoff.

“Well I’m glad my misfortune is bringing at least one person some joy.”

He immediately sits up, hands up in defence.

“No! Im laughing because this apartment is like a refuge for people who got cheated on. I got cheated on, that’s why I needed a roommate.” He looks at you, hoping you weren’t too offended.

“Ah you kicked her out?” You pry.

“No. She fucked my ex roommate. They had been messing around for a while. And one day I guess I came home ‘too early’ and I walked in on them.”

Your heart breaks for him, you knew how devastated you were when you saw a strange woman in your bed, sleeping soundly next to your ex. You couldn’t even imagine how you would’ve felt if you caught him in the act.

“We should get a sign that says the heartbreak hotel. Our doorbell should be Whitney Houston.”

He chuckles, laughter lines caress his eyes.

“I’m trying to get over it and no offence, I think branding my home as the heartbreak hotel, might work against that.”

You nod in understanding.

“So… do you have phases of a break up?” You question him. Wondering if he was like you, much like there are three stages of grief, there are stages of a breakup.

At first, you’re a sobbing mess, then you get angry at the world. Next, you accept the fact that you might be alone forever. Then your sexually liberated stage. You are currently in between the two last stages.

“Like grief ?” He falls back into his pillows.

“Exactly.”

“Not really. I either get over it or I don’t. Right now. I’m getting over it.” He runs his hands through his hair.

Before you could reply, he cuts you off with a question.

“What stage of your breakup are you in?” He asks, clearing his throat.

“My quote, unquote, ‘hoe’ stage. So I should warn you, my friends will probably come over often. “ you look at him as he nods.

“Are you loud?” He asks, closing his eyes.

You’re taken back by the question.

“I mean… I guess… but it depends on who I’m with. If they’re not doing a good job, then I’ll encourage them. A few ‘ oh yeahs’ here and there. But if it’s a really good job then hell yeah.”

He opens his eyes.

“I meant music or talking… with your friends.”

He awkwardly shifts in his place.

“Oh…” you stare straight ahead, hoping to avoid his eyes.

“That too.” You conclude.

Jungkook was now worried about how good of a roommate you’ll be. You’ve just told him that you were loud. In more ways than one. He knew that he was in for a wild ride.

An awkward silence covers the room.

“H have you had something to eat? I was thinking of ordering some food?” He adjusts his position, legs swinging around the bed. He begins searching for his phone.

“I haven’t. What are you thinking of ordering?”

*********

Dinner goes by smoothly. You realise that he’s a really nice guy. He is also very clean, you could see his eyes shake every time you nearly dropped food on the table.

He learns that you’re a very erratic eater. You will switch to dessert in the middle of your meal and then back to savoury. You also have evidently watched every episode of modern family more than once. You said every line of the 5 episodes you managed to watch. As he thinks to himself, these things sound like complaints, but they’re not. He finds you quite entertaining.

Two weeks later

You rush into his room without knocking. It was a matter of life or dick. And you choose dick. You finally have the first dick appointment of your hoe phase. A guy you met at on tinder, you FaceTimed a couple of times and it was finally time for you to meet.

Jungkook’s eyes grow wide as he chucks his phone aside and quickly pulls his blanket up to his neck. Your eyes move from his phone to him. An explicit video was playing on the screen. He rapidly scrambles to lock his phone. His faces turns bright red.

“Why didn’t you knock?” His voices breaks slightly.

“First of all, no need to be embarrassed. You’re a growing boy. It’s very normal, health-“ you start.

“Please stop.” He closes his eyes.

You move to sit down, but your eyes land on his boxer crumpled up on the floor.

“I have an appointment and he’s coming in like five minutes. I just wanted to ask you your opinion. Do I look okay?” You question.

He slowly opens his eyes. You looked great, hair styled, face; made up. You were wearing an oversized shirt, with a recognisable logo on the breast pocket. He liked that brand. He knew that brand.

“Wait, is that my shirt?”

You sigh.

“Yes, oversized clothes with no bottoms are alluring. That’s besides the point. Do I look like I’m trying too hard?” You run your hands through your curls to mess them up a bit.

He shakes his head.

“Okay good.” You turn on your heels.

Before exiting you turn back.

“You should try some essential oils. They’ll relax you. Try eucalyptus, it makes the or-“

“Please leave. “ he chokes.

You scurry out and shut the door softly behind you.

[ccelinewritess]

say love—draco malfoy

pairing - (hufflepuff! reader) draco malfoy x reader, cedric diggory x reader

word count- 4.3k

warnings- cheating? toxic relationships? curse words? my lack of diverse grammar? spelling? not heavily revised? yes this has it allll.

quick note: cho, the reader, and draco are all in the fifth year, cedric is two years older (cause idfc what villain i make this boy out to be he is not dead) anyways ilu and hope you are well. here we go.

-

y/n was sweet, kind, compassionate, gorgeous and smart, so when she caught the eye of cedric diggory a year earlier he made it his personal mission to get her to go out with him, even on one date.

when she finally caved in they went on one date. then a second, a second turned into a third. he asked her out officially, she met his parents, you know how the story goes. well perhaps not, and there was no happily ever after with cedric. certainly not as hot tears ran down her cheeks as she watched her boyfriend of a year, hand caressing her face, kissing cho chang like a moth to a flame, hungry for more. prefects duties my ass- she thought as her pure devastation dragged her away from the scene, her original presence going unnoticed. anger was boiling through her blood and she lost track of where she was going, until she ended up in the library somehow. y/n loved reading and spent countless hours in the room, and she certainly didn’t want to be in the common room when her not-so-loyal boyfriend would be returning shortly enough. so instead she shrunk down, back against a bookcase, knees tucked into arms, and let the sadness and confusion take over. she didn’t even hear the library doors open once again over her sobs.

the last thing draco malfoy expected to see that night in the library while grabbing a book was the friendly hufflepuff girl y/n. and especially not with tear stained cheeks and glossy eyes. draco would never tell her, but he was always captivated by her, she was to kind and trusting for her own good.

“er- im sorry for uh- interrupting” his voice startled her at first.

“no im sorry” she said wiping her tears. “i should be in my common room, not crying like a child in the library.”

when he sat down next to her it was nice, he wasn’t too close but the company was enjoyable, even if it was temporary. “well I know we aren’t friends, like at all, but if you’d like to talk about whatever is making you cry in the library at one in the morning, im not a bad listener”

she wasn’t even considering talking to draco. not in the slightest, but she didn’t have anyone else to talk to. she couldn’t talk to her parents, they would fly out to hogwarts and personally hex the boy. and she had spent so much time hanging out with cedric that she didn’t have any other close friends she could talk to. maybe talking to a stranger would be best. draco found it quite cute that she hadn’t noticed she had zoned out, but before he got to admire her more she looked back up at him “fine”

“you need to understand that i am still confused, completely.” that’s how it started. she told him about how cedric lied about where he was, and how she went to surprise him, and how when she turned the corner she saw him and cho, practically swallowing eachothers faces. at some point in her story draco opened his arms and she fell into them, tears still sliding down from her eyes. she did find this odd at first, of all the reputations draco held, hugger was not one.

by the times she cried all the tears she could, draco walked her back to the common room. as he pulled her back into another hug he whispered in her ear “meet me in the courtyard before breakfast?” she could only muffle a response into his sweater. as they released themselves from eachother a minute later, she watched him walk away down further into the dungeon. it took her mere seconds to fall asleep that night.

-

when she saw the blonde boy the next morning alone in the almost empty courtyard, she made her way over to him, as fast as her legs could carry her without running. he looked happy to see her, but she didn’t wait to get to the point.

“about last night, you haven’t told anyone yet have you? it’s just that id like to hear what happened from cedric before people find out.”

“ofcourse not love. im a slytherin, not an asshole. speaking of cedric you need to break up with him.” he was hesitant with both the nickname and the proposition, considering that before last night they had practically never spoken.

it was now her turn to be hesitant. “but what if she kissed him though, you know, maybe it’s all a big misunderstanding” y/n was always looking for the best in people, but maybe cheating was cedrics best, she hated to think it.

“y/n! you saw him kiss her back didn’t you? there was no denial from cedrics side right? i know you look for the positives but sometimes it’s not a shame to realize not everyone’s perfect. and you deserve someone who values you” it was harsh in a way, but true. he continued to encourage her until she realized if she didn’t now, cedric would continue to go on these midnight strolls, faking prefect duties and kissing other girls.

when she entered the great hall she immediately stormed over to cedric, who was in deep conversation with his friends. when she butted in to ask if she could speak to him the emotions of the night before threatened to arise within her again. dracos words floated in her head. maybe it wasn’t such a bad thing, even the hogwarts “it” boy had flaws. he was insecure which led to jealousy, he could sometimes be insensitive, and the newest to the collection, he was a cheater. and he sure as hell wasnt going to admit to it if she asked.

once he finally acknowledged her presence with a smile she began.

“cedric, may i speak to you, alone” she glanced at his friends at the last word.

“just say it aloud, im sure the boys don’t mind” he really didn’t know what was coming.

“im not sure you want me to talk about this with your friend around”

“come on darling”

well here goes nothing.

“if you say so. we’re over. don’t try to defend yourself and act all innocent cause I know a lot more than you think. just a tip in the future if you want to have a successful relationship do not go make out with other girls in the middle of the night in random corridors, or at least breakup with your girlfriend first. asshole” y/n was sweating and cedric was pale and speechless.

y/n’s rant had gathered many eyes from across the room. as she walked back towards draco who was waiting at the end of the aisle he couldn’t help but smile and whisper “you are a baddass, come eat at slytherin, then?” when they got across the room, people were confused but no one would ever say no to draco or his friends. blaise zabani seem unbothered at her presence but kind nonetheless, pansy on the other hand, jealous that dracos eyes were for once not on her.

-

over the next few weeks a friendship began to grow between y/n l/n and draco malfoy. they were sitting together in classes, studying together, eating meals at eachothers tables and all around enjoying eachothers company. little did y/n know that as the seasons changed, so did dracos feelings for her. she was so undeniably amazing in every way imaginable, something draco had never came across in his life.

on this particular evening they were walking around the black lake on the cool evening with the pink and orange sky on the horizon. deep conversations were common between the pair and tonight was no exception. “do you still love him?” the question shocked her at first, and she thought deeply about her answer before responding. “i don’t know honestly, a part of me probably still does. and it’s not like I’ve never had things not work before, but how people leave always stays. i hate to say it, but a part of me wants revenge. i just want him to feel some sort of pain, even just jealousy as dark and twisted as that is.” a comfortable silence fell once again before he broke it after a few minutes. “it’s not as dark as you might think, actually. and if you want him to feel jealous i have an idea that could benefit us both you just need to be open minded.”

draco malfoy wanted her to do what?

“what does fake dating even mean? how do you even do that” she questioned

“i mean just convince people we are dating, cedric will be jealous and it will get pansy of my back for two minutes. all you’d have to do is hold my hand, wear my scarf, come to my quidditch games and parties with me, anything else” he asked

“we could probably go to hogsmeade togther, cedric will be fuming, thank you draco” she said before kissing his cheek making his face go a brilliant red.

yet again draco had her doing things she wouldn’t do in a thousand years, but maybe she needed a change. plus he seemed to have this quite planned out and there was no harm in trying. “if you really think this could work, then fine, I’ll do it.”

draco would never admit it, but he was embarrassingly excited that she agreed.

-

the next morning their hopefully “master” plan would begin, but that night for the first time in a long time, draco couldn’t sleep whatsoever. he tried counting sheep, drinking tea, every sleeping position and yet he couldn’t get y/n out of his mind. she was so pretty, and smart, and kind. he had trouble even imagining what kind of delusional cedric was to let her go. if she was his- and not fake his, he would do everything to keep her happy and never see her like he did in the library only three weeks ago. in the end, she was just a rose in the hands who had no intention of keeping her. after even more attempts, he finally drifted off into a deep, and dreamless sleep.

-

once y/n finally got enough motivation to roll her self out of bed for the last day of classes before the weekend the conversation from the night before entered her brain. was this going to work? everything that could possibly go wrong played over and over again. what if cedric never got jealous? would they be forty and still fake dating? she thankfully got out of her head when she saw draco waiting for her outside the hufflepuff common room. “well good morning love” he said before placing a ginger kiss to her forehead, no one was around to watch, and she didn’t recall that being in the verbal agreement, but to be completely honest, it was nice.

they were both nervous and for different reasons. draco knew better than anyone that if word of this so called relationship to his parents, they would flip. everyone knew the malfoy’s had very strong morals and were extremely racist, and no matter how much he liked her, they would never approve of the halfblood hufflepuff. y/n knew pansy would be up her ass, and there was no guarantee that this would work, she also wasn’t huge on attention, and this was not exactly going to make her any less of a subject around the hogwarts grounds.

speaking of hogwarts, was the walk from hufflepuff to the great hall that long? was her hand sweating or was she imagining it? dracos long fingers were intertwined with hers and they talked about everything and nothing as they made there way to breakfast.

once they arrived, few heads turned, as many were still engaged in conversation, much to the satisfaction of y/n. dracos green eyes immediately made harsh contact with cedrics grey eyes and they made their way to the slytherin table, where pansy’ dirty glares would go unnoticed y/n.

the day trudged along slowly. in the classes with draco they sat together, he picked her up from the rest, walking her to her next. eating lunch and dinner at his table, showing pda at any given time, even when cedric wasn’t anywhere around.

when y/n were dismissed from herbology at the end of the day she wasted no time getting back the hufflepuff common room starting on her potions essay. in a wave of exhilaration the puffs already in the common room rushed out, she was confused but followed them out anyways, unopened books in arms.

-

y/n wasn’t tall, so she struggled to see passed the crowd. finally reaching the inner layer of the circle she saw what was likely destined to happen. cedric was buffing out his chest, trying to close in on draco, despite them not being far in height whatsoever. the boys muttering to eachother went unheard after the shrill voice of professor sprout broke out. “what do you boys think your doing, everyone return to your common rooms” she said before going into a small lecture with the boys more quietly. people filed out of the corridor behind her in every direction. and once the raft of sprout had finished, and cedric had stormed off to god knows where, draco engulfed the girl in a warm hug, almost knocking them over.

that night she did her homework in the slyerthin common room, on the lap of her boyfriend, fake boyfriend- she reminded herself, it was only the first day but it was so easy to be with him.

“he’s lucky sprout showed up, he kept acting as though he was superior to me, the dumbass couldn’t beat me in a duel in a million years, I’ll show him in the quidditch match tomorrow”

“is that tomorrow already?” she sighed before continuing “well I’ll be cheering for you, draco”

“id hope, love, also how do you feel about wearing green?”

-

the green scarf actually complimented her features nicely, much to her surprise. the match started in seven minutes, and if y/n wanted to make it on time she had to leave now.

the last few weeks were cold, yes, but this was the first snowfall of the year, fluffy snow was settling on the ground and castle, like a beautiful painting. the con? the snow was also making it difficult to see, almost guaranteeing a long match. right as she sat down next to some fellow fifth years the whistle blew. dracos green scarve made her stand out in the land of bagders, recieving some questioning.

“your dating him? but he’s a slytherin?”

“and an smart, handsome, kind one at that, so I’m going to get back to the game, if that’s okay with you.”

the game was the most eventful of the year due to the multiple dirty fakeouts between the seekers. this was less a slytherin vs hufflepuff thing to y/n and more of a draco vs cedric. ofcourse she loved her house, but there was no way she wanted cedric to win now, after the cheating and lying. that thought was mutual but unshared between her and draco. and the cold wasn’t making anyone want to stay out there for much longer, despite the excitement. while cedric was trying to trick draco once more draco saw the real snitch, where cedric was only moments before. rushing towards it, arm reached out, he could almost grab it. almost. almost. almost. yes. the small snitch was clutched tightly in his palm, cedric still clueless, zooming around, not noticing his attempts had failed him miserably.

ravenclaws and slyertherins alike were running onto the field, y/n somewhere amongst them. in no time draco was being held in the air, with those around him chanting. normally she would have been pissed that hufflepuff had lost, but the smile plastered on dracos face made it all worth it. after nemurous minutes he was put down, made his way to y/n and kissed her. he actually kissed her. in front of all those people. the chants were replaced with whistles and if anyone didn’t get the message of their “relationship” it was surely out now. his kiss was sweet and soft, and ended much before she was ready to. “honey you look dashing in green”

the party in slyerthin that night was like nothing she had ever been to before. music was blasting, house elves had made food and drinks of all sorts and y/n was cuddled into the arms of draco on the sofa, in his jumper and joggers. occasionally people would come congratulate him, and even pansy had the audacity to come try to flirt with him, that was until he shooed her off.

as the festivities continued into the night, y/n fell asleep right there, in her fake boyfriends arms- who, she would never admit, she was catching feelings for. she didn’t know much, but she did know that she was not ready to get hurt again anytime soon. they had spent the last hours together talking about random deep topics, their biggest fears and insecurities as those around them danced to the rhythm of the music. draco struggled to even think someone as perfect as y/n would have insecurities, but she did. eventually he picked her up bridal style and carried to his dormitory. he couldn’t exactly settle easy, the girl he liked was sleeping in his bed, so once he confirmed that she was infact asleep he let it off his chest.

“in case you didn’t know- im crazy about you, since i found you in the library that night.” he was whispering as soft as he could

“i haven’t told you any of this because i know your still healing but god im in love with you”

he too fell asleep that night, limbs tangled with hers.

the sun hit her face from his window that morning, bright as ever, highlighting her beautiful features and draco couldn’t help but admire her beauty. for numerous minutes he laid there, staring until she woke from her own dreams.

-

cedrics next attemp at payback for draco was just as low as the first. he followed draco towards the dungeons one afternoon when y/n wasn’t in his presenceand tried to fight him right there, outside the slyerthin common room.

“draco what do you even want with her?” he was practically grumbling

“you really don’t know what you had? did you? also she’s my girlfriend now, so what do you want with her?” draco spat back, emphasizing the you.

unlucky for cedric, right after he threw the first punch, which draco dodged successfully, snape came out and gave cedric two weeks detention.

“whatever, ill get her back” cedric said fast before heading towards the hufflepuff common room. draco wasn’t too sure of that, he had fallen desperately for the girl and would do whatever he could to keep her, and keep her away from cedric.

-

they were on there daily evening stroll around the grounds, much like the one that the original idea was pitched during only a handful of weeks ago, fingers intertwined. partially because it is cold, partially because they wanted to. draco could tell that y/n was deep in thought and originally wasn’t going to ask her, but he couldn’t help himself.

“what are you thinking about?” he said quietly but loud enough for her to hear

“im feeling kind of stupid honestly. i mean it was all there, the prefect patrols on days i could have sworn weren’t his. the glances across the hall to her, god even the tutoring in the classes he was doing amazing and needed no help in.”

he could tell this was making her upset and so he racked his brain for the right thing to say, but before he could find anything she started again.

“I’m also quite mad at myself, i mean i know all relationships are flawed but looking back ours was pretty fucked up. i started dating him in our third year, and i was still very insecure and didn’t exactly love myself. i spent a lot of time worrying about things I had no control over, and he wasn’t a help in the slightest. he’d flirt with other girls all the time but one boy would look at me for a second longer than he’d liked and he’d be confronting them. I don’t know if I really loved him, or if i was just in pain but whatever it was it was horrible.” tears were threatening her eyes but not yet approaching them.

“im sorry y/n. you are amazing and beautiful, smart and kind and your sure as hell don’t deserve that, if you want to talk about it ever please ask me” he would add on to that, if they were dating- and for real he wouldn’t treat her any less than the princess he considered her to be. he pulled her into a big hug before they walked back up into the beautiful castle.

-

they hadn’t heard from cedric in weeks, mission accomplished right? well no.

being completely honest, y/n didn’t know how much longer she would be able to participate without feelings boiling over. y/n didn’t even know where it came from, and there was no denying it, she was head over heels for the slytherin prince. she didn’t know when, maybe at the quidditch game? when he gave hugged her after sprout gave cedric punishment after draco stood up for her? she too wasn’t sure.

-

the morning of the hogsmeade trip, snow was falling once again, replacing the already existing layer on the ground. leaving hufflepuff, she couldn’t help but smile when she saw the blonde haired boy by the barrels waiting for her.

walking arm-in-arm to the small village, y/ns teeth almost chattering when draco lended his green scarf to the girl yet again.

“when i said you looked good in green at the match, i wasn’t joking, you should wear it more often”

draco loved the way she looked with her pink tinted nose and cheeks. and before he knew it they were in the three broomsticks drinking butterbeer, talking about god knows what.

that was until draco decided to come clean about his feelings.

“y/n youre probably not ready to hear this, and i will wait as long as you need me to. but i just can’t take it anymore. ive been crazy about you since we started being friends and- whatever this is, three and a half months ago. and if you’d like id love to go out with you- and not as a jealousy scheme”

the cold was no longer able to mask the blush on her cheeks and she told him everything she’d been hiding. thankfully. if she hadn’t he would have lost the best thing in his life. she knew his family wasn’t exactly the lovey dovey type, and his friends could be cold, they had eachother and they didn’t need much more than that.

once they had finished and left the warmth of the building, into the snow in the middle of the street he dragged her towards him ever so lightly using his scarf. cupping her cheeks in his hands, he kissed her as soft as ever. lasting much longer this time, there mouthes seemed to move in sync. he tasted sweet, just like the first time, and undescribable. they would kissed there in the middle of hogsmeade village for hours if their lungs didn’t need so much air. so instead they stood there forheads pressed together. eventually there hands found the others and they made their way back to the school, hearts and smiles as big as ever. 

-

draco saw her room for the first time that day, he had been in the hufflepuff common room twice, but never to her room. it was much brighter and got more sunlight. y/n had shelves full of books and many plants around the room. the wall around the window was lined with poloroids of her and her friends. he sat on her bed and wasted no time pulling her onto it with him. they fell asleep that night wrapped in eachothers arms, kissing the others face once in a while, complete with the fact that they had eachother, and for real.

the next morning they woke up at 10, thankfully they didn’t have classes, but they had still missed breakfast. fortunately y/n was not only friends with the house elves, but extraordinarily good cook. she was currently making pancakes, in dracos green jumper, his chin on her shoulder and hands on her hips.

“I cannot believe almost four months ago i started fake dating you and now your cooking breakfast in my sweater” he said practically mumbling into her cheek before kissing it, and dragging her away from the stove, to dance. right there in the middle of the kitchen, and he was suprisingly amazing at it.

-

the engines of the hogwarts express were rumbling and y/n had settled into the compartment with draco. she had owled her parents informing her she would be going to the malfoy manor for the first weeks of summer, and the nerves were filling her mind.

“what’s wrong darling” he said kindly as she leaned into his shoulder.

“im just nervous, what if they don’t like me?”

“they will, there is nothing about you that isn’t likeable. and even if they don’t like you immediately, it’s not like i could stop loving you, ever”

what? theyd never actually said the “L” word to the other- at least while they were awake. yes they had been dating for six months already but had draco ever said he loved them to anyone? it didn’t matter, she knew how she felt.

“y-you love me?”

he waited another second. “i mean, uh- er, i-i-“

“draco?” he hummed in response, still clearly embarrassed “i love you too”

————

a/n: ive never written anything, so i hope it’s okay. thank you for reading, i hope you enjoyed it! stay tuned for future writing.

[vegetalass]

If you come back to this, would you consider doing hcs for the rdr2 boys coping with bad breakups? 👀🙈💖👉👈😳

I love your stuff btw! Hope the hiatus is going well and you're having fun being absorbed into new fandom stuff <3

JSKajhdhajfskhjdkajsh AHHHHHHHHHHH YOU ARE TOO SWEET WTF🥺🥺So I just went ahead and wrote this request for you LOOOOOL😎💘😳🤠

even tho I would still say I’m on hiatus.... I was just thinking about Mister Arthur Morgan today and how much i want to sit on his lap and hug him and kiss his cheeks and hold his face against my chest.... So I figure this is as good a time as any to write some stuff for rdr2...

Plus... I really am happy about the fact that people like my work enough to still send me asks!!! I miss the rdr2 fandom a lot tbh because as I’m sure you all have been know... The bnha fandom is a little..... wack tbh..... But regardless, I am having as much fun as i possibly can under the circumstances!!! Theres a lot of good content there... 

and just in case u like bnha... you can actually find me at @ihatebnha if you want to read any of my current BNHA stuff (tho im sorta taking a break there too temporarily). Either way, even if you don’t, i appreciate u all for sticking with me and I MISS U GUYS so i hope this does u all some justice!

anyway... i hope this is what you were looking for because I LOVE UUUUUU!! ENJOY💚🧡❤️

-

Arthur

First of all………. If you break up with Arthur I personally will come beat you up

Secondly….

Honestly, he probably just goes completely numb

He doesn’t have the emotional stability or strength to handle unpacking how or why it’s happening

You ask to break up with him and his soul leaves his body and he’s just “Ok.🙂Whatever you think is best, baby.”

And that’s the end of it. Won’t even let you explain.

This means don’t prank him by pretending to break up with him either because you’ll accidentally kill him

Like he genuinely probably thinks that he deserves whatever it is that made you want to break up with him and that there’s really nothing he can do to feel better about it

Even if was just something like, long distance problems or needing a break

This also hurts so badly because I feel like… getting to the point where Arthur even wants to date you takes FOREVER… He really really needs to trust and love the person who he’s with…

And so to see them leave would just break his heart up into pieces and he wouldn’t be able to handle that all over again

He just… becomes a ghost

Anyone from the gang even mentions it or asks how he is and he just tells them he’s fine and doesn’t need to talk about it

Even if he really is aching deep down… He just can’t bring himself to talk about it because it still doesn’t make any sense to him

And honestly, he just doesn’t want things to hurt any more than they already do by acknowledging them or facing them head on

So he just submits to it all being his fault, it was the right thing to do, that you’re happier without him, etc. and permanently shuts himself off

If you left him, that would be the absolute final straw and he would just throw himself into his work and never look back

And honestly wouldn’t even notice if someone else was making moves on you, that’s how out of it he is.

You wouldn’t even notice something was wrong unless you TRULY knew Arthur

He’s a tough cookie

John

John is the guy who acts like he’s fine if anyone sees him but cries 24/7 when he’s alone

If anyone asks him about it he’s like “I don’t care, it’s fine and I respect their decision… I’m a man, not a baby.”

But the truth is…. Sir… You ARE baby

Honestly…. He’s just saying all that so people don’t really know how much he’s hurting or think he’s weak and try to help

And in a modern setting, Abigail, Arthur, Hosea, anyone really, can’t go to his apartment because he’s lost all motivation to take care of himself

Dishes piled up, laundry everywhere, he’s been wearing the same pajamas for a week, his trash is full of microwave meal packages… It’s just so fucking bad

Single Man Shit

Probably goes through bouts of rage too

Was he not good enough? Did you think you weren’t good enough? Was it the fact that he has Abigail and Jack? Is he too ugly for someone pretty like you?  

It’s in these moments that he starts throwing stuff around and kicking chairs and whatnot

I imagine it’s all pretty nonviolent but he still just wants to make a mess to release all that pent up frustration

But he always just ends up on the floor or in bed crying again because he really doesn’t understand what went wrong since he was trying so hard to be a good partner

He wanted to be good for you :(

At least to make up for what he did to Abigail

Probably a couple months after the breakup he starts feeling better…

Picks his laundry up and does the dishes and starts to open up to the gang again

He’s definitely still sad when he thinks about it all… But he knows he’ll get over it as long as you seem happy from afar

If any of the other boys from camp try to make a move on you, he does his best to ignore it… Knowing it’s not his place to speak for you anymore, even if seeing you with someone else does make him sad

And he probably takes some extra time to spend with Abigail and Jack, too

There’s really no one like your family (even if they’re chosen) to make you feel better in situations like this

(Especially since they went through the same thing as him BY him)

Karma’s a bitch, lol

Charles

Charles... My love….. My baby…….

He takes a while to fall apart because honestly, he’s just so confused

He definitely does not recover quickly, but of course, appears to function kind of normally

If anything, he just gets more quiet and distant than before, simply because he needs a lot of time and space to think about everything

And because looking at you hurts so badly

When you mention breaking up, he probably just stands up and walks away

And if you chase after him trying to explain, he’ll tell you that you don’t need to justify yourself, and that he just needs to be alone

However, deep down, he’s gutted and really just needs the space to process what you said and then calm down

He doesn’t want to face the gang, and possibly you, again, crying, hence why he doesn’t come back for a while, but he knows that he can’t just run away from everything

He never thought that you’d be capable of hurting him in the way that you did

And he wonders what the final straw that pushed you over the edge was

He definitely saw you staying together for a long time, and had a lot of ideas for your future, so the breakup was especially surprising and devastating for that reason alone

And he would probably never want to speak to you again

Not really because he hated you, but because it would be too emotional for him to be around you knowing you didn’t feel the same as him

And even though he’s okay with emotions, the gang just isn’t exactly the right space for him to deal with them

Though he probably eventually talks about it with Arthur after a couple months, once he finds another normal, and bonds with him over the shared experience

He would never be able to ask you this, but he wonders if the reason you left him was for the same reasons he’s shunned in society

I think that would hurt him the most… if you didn’t want to be seen with him in public

Even though he knows that it’s unlikely, since he didn’t want to hear your reasons for leaving, it’s something that he thinks about

Even if it would hurt him to see you with someone else, he wouldn’t do anything about it

And as always, he’d just stay quiet, watching

Micah

Micah blames you

Everything is your fault. Everything.

Oh, you want to break up with him? When he’s been so nice to you? So good? He’d literally do anything for you, and you’re not happy with that? You’re such an ungrateful bitch! Fuck you! He never even wanted to date you in the first place, so it’s your fault for making him love you. Sorry he tried soooo hard.  

Any semblance of sadness he feels about losing you turns to rage so quickly since he just really cannot fathom why you’d leave him

Genuinely thinks he’s the best boyfriend you’ve ever had and ever will

SIR…????

Despite his anger, he probably is sad deep down… He just doesn’t really recognize it as sadness in the first place

His chest aches when he thinks about you? His eyes sting and burn when he looks at you? His stomach hurts at any and every thought of you?

You’re just an ugly witch who wants him dead.

He has never felt any of these things before, and frankly, he hates feeling like this.

And absolutely refuses to admit to himself that maybe… MAYBE… he just misses you and wants you back…

Honestly though, you will never get word nor wind of this, and before long, he really just does start to hate you.

If you weren’t in the gang, and were ever in a situation where you saw him again, he’d try to make your life a hell.

He’d tease you in front of whoever you were with, talking about how he’s probably the best fuck you’d ever have and that “if you still wanted to fuck him,” he “wouldn’t blame you…” and might even think about it going at it on more time

In a modern setting, he’s definitely a hate fucking type of ex

And if he ever saw you with a new boy, he would probably try to lay some hands on them for even thinking about touching you

AND STILL doesn’t realize that this means he still loves you… But whatever

If you break up with him, guaranteed you’re probably never getting back together

Dutch

Dutch is a tough one… I feel like it really depends on how long you’ve been together, the reason why you want to breakup, and how much value he has for the you and relationship itself

I think he’d be more upset about a long term relationship ending than anything and he’d definitely try to argue with you about any of the problems you bring up

He definitely hits you with the, “you should’ve known what you were getting into,” which, honestly, is a pretty fair point

He doesn’t actually want you to leave him, though… He just doesn’t really want to change

Which is why the whole thing ends up being so T O X I C

But if he realizes that you are actually serious about breaking up, he isn’t above saying that he’ll put the work into fixing everything

Though that’s kind of a lie, since he’s mostly just saying it to get you to stay

If the argument gets too intense, he’ll let you walk away

But only because he’s going to brainstorm about how to get you back

I’m sure this is a given, but none of the other boys at camp are allowed to even think about getting close to you

It wasn’t so bad when you and Dutch were still together, but if he wants you back, everyone is a threat

Arthur and John are given direct orders to not even comfort you… And Dutch even tries to get Miss Grimshaw to be mean to you

At least so he can swoop in and save you… Thinking that you’ll run right back into his arms if no one except him is nice to you

Because that’s where you belong

If he doesn’t manage to succeed in winning you back, the moment he realizes that everything is over, he will 100% start ignoring you

And don’t put it past him to try show off the fact that he’s found someone new to fuck

Honestly, since he’s the leader, at this point, he’d probably just be looking for a good way to get rid of you

Nothing violent, just find a little brothel he can pop you in when the gang’s about to leave some random town

Seems like a good idea to him… Since if he’s not special, no one is.

Same reason why, if you cheat on him, you will never see the whites of his eyes again

Much less anyone from the gang

Kieran

To give Kieran some credit... He’s probably the most in touch with his emotions

He doesn’t respond very well to the breakup, just says okay and lets you walk away, but he’s not above accepting the truth and just crying about it for a while

First and foremost, you need to be happy, even if it means without him

Part of him wants to beg for you to stay so badly… Hold onto the bottom of your shirt and cry… But I know that he probably thinks he doesn’t deserve to and would be able to stop himself

Obviously, you know better than him about everything so why would you be wrong about breaking up?

His work definitely lags and he ends up spending more time with the animals than anyone else, but he’s okay at holding himself together

No one would even know he’s still suffering unless they talked to him about it

Which they don’t, really, and honestly he’s sort of glad, because it gives him a lot of time to think about everything

Which is why, even months after the breakup, if he hasn’t found someone new, he still thinks about what it would be like if you stayed

Daydreams about cuddling with you, about dancing with you, about brushing the horses with you, starting a family, everything…

He wishes it were his so badly

And so seeing you with another boy, especially if it were someone else at camp, would absolutely kill him

And yet, he’d still manage to keep it all to himself. Nothing but his greedy eyes left

Self esteem gone forever… He’d take you back in a heartbeat

Doesn’t help that the poor baby definitely gets clowned by Dutch and Micah about not being able to keep “a good fuck” around

It really hurts… But in the end, he knows they’re right  

Javier

Javier probably gets over everything the quickest out of all of the boys.

I just see him as having the most romantic experience out of all of them, so he understands how relationships (and breakups) work

His logic is, why would he want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with him?

Which makes getting over you faster than normal

Especially since, regardless of why you wanted to leave, he’s going to respect your wishes

Definitely a little peeved at first though because he thought things were fine between the two of you

He’s just not going to bother trying to get you to stay

Especially since he knows that he can be kind of flirty with people even when he’s with you

That being said, if he sees any of the other boys at camp trying to get with you, he’s going to be BIG MAD

First of all, he was there first, so they should know better than to touch someone else’s things

And second of all, it would just feels like they’re showing off the fact that you left him, rather than the other way around

But honestly, he probably wouldn’t care if you found a stranger to mess with. It’s not like they know your relationship history, and honestly, he knows it wouldn’t be fair if he were ever to find someone else he likes.

So he’s fine watching you run around

It’s only ever late at night, if it’s been a while since you’ve spoken to him, or he’s feeling lonely, that he thinks about what things would be like if you were still with him

He wonders what really made you leave, and if you were honest with him during the relationship

Overall, he’d be okay, but would definitely still be down to fuck if you ever wanted! You may not want to be with each other anymore, but it doesn’t change the fact you guys had some bomb ass sex

Sean

Sean is another boy who’s going to be a bit more angry than sad

That being said, he’s no where near as bad as Micah and knows that the anger comes from the sadness

He’s just extremely frustrated that things didn’t work out, and resents the fact that you didn’t even want to try and fix things with him

It’s not like he really blames you for that… But he wishes that he could

Especially since throughout it all, even now, he doesn’t actually hate you, and still wishes that you would come back

He’s knows his personality can be a little overwhelming, but he would’ve been willing to change if it made you happy!

But honestly, since he doesn’t need to anymore, everything about him just gets a bit… Worse

Constantly making a show of showing off for the other girls at camp, always trying to flirt with the girls at the saloon, talking the boys’ heads off about anything and everything…

Just to distract himself and prove that he’s doing fine… That you didn’t hurt him at all, and he doesn’t need you

But even he’s not all that convinced

If any of the other boys at camp start messing around with you, he’ll definitely start a fight with them, feeling like were just doing it to piss him off

He’d lose, though, and would end up just going to bed and crying.

If he saw you flirting with a stranger, he’d be equally as mad, but he probably wouldn’t do anything other than get super drunk in front of you to ruin the mood

Eventually he starts feeling more like himself, and it definitely helps if you don’t treat him weirdly, but he finds that he does still think of you when he sees cute married girls or children, wondering what he would’ve had if things didn’t go wrong.

Especially since he also gets teased by the gang for not being able to hold it down… Despite his constant talk

[officialleotolstoy]

Oh Natasha/Andrei brainrot we’re really in it now, aka Natasha/Andrei playlist annotations!

Honestly the age gap is so inherently uncomfortable it’s difficult for me to really ship this but I think in terms of the REALLY low bar of W&P marriages/almost-marriages, it’s one of the better ones because they at least mutually care about each other. It’s also just devastating on principle!

There are several distinct sections of song on here, this is one of the few I’ve actually put in a significant order, so I’m going to break it down into that.

Part 1: Initial Meeting/Falling In Love The First Time/General

Absolutely Smitten - dodie

“She wants to dance around the room, kiss you until her lips turn blue”

This song really reminds me of their first meeting when they’re both like 👀 at each other. I like how it captures the excitement but also nerves of the girl, which I feel like is an important feature of Natasha’s part of the relationship.

Helpless - Philippa Soo

“Tryin' to catch your eye from the side of the ballroom”

Sorry to all the ex-Hamilton stans I jumpscared with this, but it’s about the Philippa Soo Singing About Falling In Love vibe. Also the quoted lyric reminds me of their iconic dance scene, or at least the bits leading up to that.

To Noise Making (Sing) - Hozier

“Honey, the look of it was as sweet as the sound; Your head tilt back, your funny mouth to the clouds”

This reminds me of the scene where she sings for him and he’s like WAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH im in love! I paraphrase, but you get the idea.

Golden Years - David Bowie

“Look at that sky, life's begun”

This is objectively the stupidest song on here. It’s here because I think it’s funny to imagine the iconic Natasha/Andrei dance just being the Golden Years dance from A Knight’s Tale, HOWEVER the quoted lyric is in fact Andreicore.

Stop The World I Wanna Get Off With You - The Arctic Monkeys

“And I know we got places to go, we got people to see/Think we both oughta put 'em on hold”

‘Wren there are several songs that are on this playlist AND your Andrei/Pierre playlist’ Thank you for noticing it’s because if Tolstoy can recycle the same lines of dialogue for these relationships I can recycle the same songs! This song is just. I Hate Everyone Except You :) which is deeply Andrei @ both of them. But also like wanting life to stop so you can just hang out with Your People.

Strawberry Blond - Mitski

“I love everybody because I love you”

I’m pretty sure someone once pointed out how this lyric fit Andrei/Natasha once in a post and I cannot for the life of me remember who but that made an impression on me. Mystery person, thanks <3 Also I forgot this was a Mitski song??

The Anchor - Bastille

“Bring me some hope by wandering into my mind”

One of Thee things about their relationship that sticks out to me is how Natasha is so lifelike and her very existence gives Andrei hope for the world. It’s so. It’s so much!

Something After All - Starry

“You’ve turned my world around”

Like I said above, falling in love with Natasha really changes Andrei’s entire worldview! I also think “I've spent years building up walls” is very Andrei, and Natasha kind of brought them down, like what happens in the song.

Cosmic Love - Florence + The Machine

“A falling star fell from your heart and landed in my eyes”

IT’S ABOUT THE SPACE METAPHORS FOR LOVE. THIS IS NO ONE ELSE FROM GREAT COMET’S FAULT.

Cold Cold Man - Saint Motel

“I know I am a cold cold man: quite slow to pay you compliments or public displayed affections”

It’s about being generally not very emotional or expressive but being devoted to the person anyway...very Andrei-ish.

Ophelia - The Lumineers

“I don't feel nothing at all and you can't feel nothing small”

The quoted lyric just seems like a really good summary of their dynamic, but I also think “Heaven help a fool who falls in love” works well for bitter post-elopement vibes, so this song was difficult to place.

Part 2: Andrei Leaving For Abroad

Misbehavin’ - Pentatonix

For some reason this is on both the Nat/Andrei and Natasha playlists and I’m too lazy to change it. Just go look at those annotations.

No One Else - Great Comet

Duh

To a Poet - First Aid Kit

“I got on a plane and flew far away from you, though unwillingly I left”

This song makes me think of Andrei abroad missing Natasha :( Honey you’ve got a big storm coming

Part 3: Post-Elopement Breakup Songs

I Hope Your Husband Dies - Amigo The Devil

“All the distance that we've spent apart will never have to mean a thing”

This song is VERY much Andrei about Anatole. “Now you're with this asshole, you expect me to believe it's going to last” really works because her relationship with Anatole was never going to last, whether or not she knew that. And “I'm not so much afraid of being alone, just kind of feel I've had enough/And time and time again, time reminds me you'll never be my own/We'll never have a house to decorate, a place that we can call our home” as an Andrei thing makes me very sad!!!

Ruins - First Aid Kit

“Ruins, all the things we built assured that they would last”

I think you can safely say their relationship was in ruins after the elopement attempt. I also think “I lost you, didn't I? First I think I lost myself” is something Natasha would think about the whole scenario

Half of My Heart - John Mayer

“Half of my heart's got the right mind to tell you that I can't keep loving you with half of my heart”

I think this is supposed to be more of an “I don’t love you anymore and that’s on me” song, but I like to mentally frame it in the context of Andrei after the elopement refusing to take back Natasha. I also think all the bits about the singer’s love interest changing the singer’s outlook on life before really fits, like “Lonely was the song I sang 'til the day you came, showing me another way”

Love Like Ghosts - Lord Huron

“You don't want me baby please don't lie/Oh but if you're leaving, I gotta know why”

It’s all about the singer being haunted by a love that doesn’t necessarily reciprocate on the same level, and I think that really fits Andrei’s mindset. It breaks my heart to think about him trying to figure out what he did wrong, why he wasn’t enough for Natasha, and so that quoted lyric really makes me just. :(

Cold Day In Heaven - Delta Rae

“Keep thinking bout when we started, so innocent/Your heart was a mess and I was lost in it”

This whole song is so good for them, it’s essentially just a couple being disappointed that their relationship didn’t work out well. The quoted lyric is so. AAAAHHH. because both of their hearts were messes but for different reasons, Andrei was so hopeless and bleak but Natasha was so naive and not ready for it and it’s so. It’s so Much. Also “We watched, the stars fell, and oh you know we let them/We said it’ll never happen, we said it’ll never happen to us/But it’s a cold day in heaven my love” gets me because 1) star/sky references :( and 2) Natasha especially did say it’d never happen to them, she was adamant that she’d love Andrei forever and that uh. I think we all know how well that worked out!

2 Months. - Zach Adkins

Someone You Loved - Lewis Capaldi

“I let my guard down and then you pulled the rug”

This is kind of a generic betrayal/breakup/I-miss-you song, but I think it works. Especially with “I kinda liked the way you numbed all the pain” and the focus on the singer’s lover getting them through difficult times and then abandoning them.

The Night We Met - Lord Huron

“Take me back to the night we met”

I think people are legally obligated to have this song on any playlist for a couple that doesn’t end well. It’s generic but it’s good! The entire Strange Trails album my BELOVED!

Careless Whisper - George Michael

“I should have known better than to cheat a friend and waste a chance that I'd been given, so I'm never gonna dance again the way I danced with you”

UNIRONICALLY THIS SONG. I think it’s the focus on dancing as like a significant marker of the relationship for me, especially given how heavily adaptations focus on their dance at that ball. The quoted lyric reminds me of Natasha’s mindset after all of this. Also “We could have been so good together, we could have lived this dance forever, but now, who's gonna dance with me? Please stay” reminds me of Natasha asking him to forgive her. Not to actually get sad over Careless Whisper but. :,(

With Or Without You - U2

“And you give yourself away”

The quoted lyric is in reference to the elopement in my head, and “I can’t live with or without you” is like. Andrei can’t continue on and let her back into his life, he admits that he can’t forgive her, but he also has no real will to live after she betrays him and goes off to die in war.

Atlantis - Seafret

“We've built this town on shaky ground”

“This town” is in reference to their relationship, and I like the acknowledgment that there was never a great foundation to begin with. And “maybe I’m not built for love” as an Andrei lyric is a little heartbreaking! Other than that it’s just a Breakup Song.

I Don’t Wanna See You Cryin’ Anymore - Adam Melchor

“I don't wanna be the reason you can't trust me like before/My head's in my hands as I'm shaking on the bathroom floor”

This reminds me of Natasha’s deep guilt over her betrayal of Andrei. The implication that Andrei would ever let anyone see him cry is a bit much for me, just ignore that HFJAHDHSH

Part 4: Reconciling While Andrei ✨Dies✨

Fake It - Bastille

“We can never go back, we can only do our best to recreate”

This whole is song is about trying to move forward from bad things in the past with your lover which is the whole vibe! But I also think it shows some reluctance on the part of the singer to forget, and a bit of a desperation to be able to leave the mistakes in the past. “Help me turn a blind eye” really captures that. I like this as the early stages of them reconnecting, because I think it’s realistic to have Andrei especially be wary but wanting it to get better.

Bad Blood - Bastille

“All this bad blood here, won’t you let it dry?”

Letting go of a grudge and trying to move on vibes!

Let It All Go - Birdy, Alvaro Soler

“We’re strong enough to let it go”

All their hurt surrounding the elopement is the Thing they’re letting go of in this case.

Flaws - Bastille

“You have always worn your flaws upon your sleeve and I have always buried them deep beneath the ground”

The quoted lyric just feels like their general dynamic to me. Natasha is so open about everything and does indeed wear her heart on her sleeve whereas Andrei represses every emotion he’s ever felt. I think this is a post-elopement song because of “Dig them up; let’s finish what we started”. That feels like them reexamining their relationship and what went wrong and trying again.

Moscow - Autoheart

“All I need’s a fraction of your happy heart”

This song is so 🥺. “We both know what we’ve got to do: head back to where the magic grew” reminds me of them accepting their reconnection and moving on and trying to rekindle whatever was between them. And “Let’s get a dog, an Irish red setter, it’s all we need to get better” feels emblematic of them looking forward to domestic happiness as the solution. And the quoted lyric screams Andrei about Natasha.

The Heart Is A Muscle - Gang of Youths

“I will look at love as more than just an instrument of pain”

Not to be off topic but this whole album is so good every single song makes me feel SHRIMP EMOTIONS god. Also the whole thing is very Andreicore and I had to stop myself from adding every song to his playlist. But I digress. This song is all about having been hurt by love in the past (“I let bad love betray me once”) but deciding to open your heart again which is very them! “I haven't had enough and I wanna love someone” AAAAHHHH. “I am human now and terrified, but want it all the same” Mr. GangOfYouths im going INSANE! “I just ask you to be patient if you’ll have me still” HELLO? Not to quote the whole song but “I wanna be loved, I wanna be whole again, so tuck my hair behind my ears and touch my soul again” as an Andrei/Natasha lyric...I need to sit down. Can you all tell this song makes me go all kinds of crazy. And this isn’t even my favorite song off the album!

Shrike - Hozier

“I couldn’t utter my love when it counted, ah but I’m flying like a bird to you now”

This song feels very “we tried to have a relationship a while ago and it didn’t work out that well but I still love you we could try again” to me which fits this time very well!

Part 5: Andrei Goes Splat :( [And The Aftermath]

Work Song - Hozier

“No grave can hold my body down, I’ll crawl home to her”

I can’t say what it is exactly, but something about persistent love framed around the death motif works for me here.

Dancing After Death - Matt Maeson

“As the sun waits to eclipse and the taste teases my lips, I'm too tired to wrestle with it”

The quoted lyric reminds me of Andrei giving up and shutting down when he realizes he’s gonna die :( oh ALSO my brain always mentally fills in “and no one else” after the “you and I” that ends the chorus which does NOT help with my depression!

One Last Time - Jaymes Young

“Could I feel your skin on mine before I have to say goodbye?”

SCREAMS SO LOUDLY. The whole song is like. Someone dying and wanting to see their person one last time and AAAAAAAAAAA. I am a little incoherent maybe. “I'm leavin' this cold world of mine, no pleadin' is gonna turn back time” really Gets Me in the context of Andrei accepting his own death and withdrawing and it’s so. Anyway.

Oblivion - Bastille

“When oblivion is calling out your name, you always take it further than I ever can”

I don’t think this is exactly what the song is talking about, but the quoted lyric in the context of Andrei dying and Natasha watching him fade and withdraw...good Lord. I need emotional support.

Haunt - Bastille

“I’ll come back to haunt you/Memories will taunt you”

Natasha being haunted by the memory of Andrei!!! Help me!!!! Also “I will try to love you/It’s not like I’m above you” as a callback to Andrei’s feelings for Natasha when they start to reconnect is so mental illness inducing. OOOH and “Questioning why as you look to the sky that is cloudless up above our heads and thoughts come to mind that our short little lives haven't left the path that they will tread” any lyric ever about looking at the sky is Andrei’s now.

Without You - for KING & COUNTRY

“What do you do when you don't get better/Strong arms get too, get too weak to hold her”

:( :( :( :( :( Also “I’m not ready to live without you” I am so sad.

Good Grief - Bastille

“Every minute and every hour I miss you, I miss you, I miss you more”

Pain! Agony, even!

I made myself SO sad writing the entire last half of these annotations geez

[pipermcbadass]

Hey, same anon as last night asking what you love most about Jason (: Follow up question, if you’re comfortable: I’ve always preferred Jasper over Percabeth, and it’s hard to in this fandom. I don’t want to incorrectly guess that you do too, but if you do, can you give some reasons why? I love them so much and just think they’re very different. If you don’t want to answer because of potential hate, that’s okay too (:

wow anon you’re 2 for 2 now you wanna ask me about JASIPER how wild….looks like you enjoy reading essays, i’m gonna put a ‘keep reading’ cause i know this is going to be long !! ((also i’m gonna try and steer clear of comparing jasiper to percabeth, i love both couples for very different reasons so i don’t want to pit them against each other))

honestly there’s something about the jasiper dynamic that really gets me going. i think it’s the fact that these are two idiot losers who are so in love with one another, maybe it’s the fact that they’re both characters whom everyone expects so much from (jason ((as i’ve mentioned before)) is supposed to be the leader who knows exactly what to do in any given situation, and piper is supposed to be the beautiful lovely daughter of aphrodite who can control anyone and act calm and take the lead in any situation she’s presented) and the fact they are the total opposite of that, i stan. instead we are given two deeply flawed individuals (piper is so new to the whole demigod thing, she doesn’t know what to do and she looks to others a lot for the right answer or for the right thing to do and jason doesn’t know what he’s doing half the time in HoO you can see he’s always willing to give up the leadership position to annabeth because he thinks she knows more and he believes that she knows what’s she’s doing and she probably has the answer to everything, he’s so willing to let her take the lead because it means he won’t have to make the hard decisions. Neither of them wants to be in the spotlight they both just want to be…normal (as normal as a demigod can be that is) and i think i really love that about them. 

i also love the fact they are so open with one another, the communication between the two of them???? honestly we stan (maybe it’s unrealistic that two 16 year olds would ever be that open and that honest with one another…but it really shows how different they are compared to some other couples) that scene in BoO where jason goes to piper’s room and tells her that he’s sacred about the future, he’s scared he’s going to make the wrong decision, and he’s scared that he’ll end up like his mom, that scene really sold me on jasiper (as if i wasn’t sold before) that scene they’re so raw and open with each other, jason basically just told this girl that he’s not perfect (despite what everyone thinks) and he’s so scared about this upcoming fight with gaea he doesn’t know what to do. and the fact that piper accepts this from him whole heartedly and tells him with as much certainty as she can that he is a good guy, he’s as human and as flawed as any of the people on this ship, and when it comes down to it he knows right and wrong in the end. im sorry that was a lot but they’re just so real and so open with one another, he never tries to hide his feelings from her and she’s always willing and open to him and giving him her all. they don’t pretend or hide from one another (despite them being so new to the whole relationship thing) it’s nice to see and it makes me fall in love with them all over again. 

now…the break up….oh man THE BREAKUP. as any jasiper fan i was devastated to hear they broke up i honestly was. but when i actually sat down and read tbm and why piper broke up with him, man if it didn’t just make me fall in love with them more. piper needed space from him, from their relationship, from basically anything connecting her to being a demigod because she just needed..time to process everything she had just been through. she loves jason she really does but she needed to figure out who she was and what her purpose was (which she 100% had the right to) but the fact that jason was like totally fine with the whole thing, the fact that he let her step away from their relationship so she could figure out what she needed and who she was….honestly i love. jason knows better than anyone else what it means to feel lost and to feel like you don’t belong, always searching for the part of you that constantly feels missing. when he met piper she was able to help him find that part of himself, and at the end of the day he couldn’t do that for her. and that’s fine he understood that he was willing to be apart from her (although that must’ve killed him tbh) so that she could find herself and understand who she was, and if tbm ended different i’m sure these two would’ve gotten back together at some point. that was a lot but what i’m saying reiterates back to my original point, they understand each other so well, they know what the other needs even if said person doesn’t know what that exactly is. 

i’m sure i left some stuff out but this is what comes to mind when i think of jasiper! i think jasiper is just real and a captivating couple, i have been sold on them ever since the lost hero when we were first introduced to the pair. i’ve loved both characters separately and i love them both when they’re together. there’s just something about them that really gets me going. 

i’m sorry this was so much if you don’t read this i won’t be mad, thank you again anon for indulging me and asking me about my ultimate fave ship the only person i rlly talk to about this is tiff so you know what anon get off anon and message me!! let’s talk about jason and piper and why we love them both so much!! :-) 

[stvrwalker]

               ( female ) haven’t seen AMELIE “AMI” WALKER around in a while. the TAISSA FARMIGA lookalike has been known to be (+) HUMBLE & (+) INTELLIGENT, but SHE can also be (-) INSECURE & (-) SHY. The 21 year old is a SOPHOMORE majoring in ASTRONOMY. I believe they’re living in AUDAX but I popped by earlier and no one answered the door.

                         okay no joke this is probably my last character bc i don’t Think i can handle four but voila okay !! so this is ami. i love her. v good girl but as always , when ur done reading like to plot and i’ll def message u for it !! let’s get started.

Okay so to start - she’s a v old OC but normally I don’t write her in non-supernatural settings so this is the v first time I’m doin that and I’M RLY HAPPY W/ WHAT I CAME UP WITH she’s a telepath who can’t turn off her telepathy in my own lores but that’s not what we’re focusing on here

Bisexual bby who loves the stars and sea. As a child she grew rly fascinated w/ space and the like and her name . . . is not actually Amelie. No her first name is Amidala but she doesn’t tell ppl that bc she’s embarrassed about it. Her dad picked it out.

Grew up with both parents until she hit the age of thirteen and her dad passed away - and then she was taken in by her grandparents. Now they were very very religious and they sent Ami to church camp. That’s where she met Theo who’d be the love of her life for the next five years. And honestly she never rly liked church camp bc she was so shy but he absolutely brightened her experience there. He helped her get out of her shell.

Needles to say though , Ami is painfully sweet but even more so shy. She can easily come off as a recluse because she’s scared of rejection and scared of people not liking her for reasons she doesn’t really know. But when you talk to her , she’s awfully polite and will do her best to make u happy in any way she can !!!

Photograph memory and WICKED smart. She likes to people watch, studying people and just observing them especially when... she thinks they’re cool n’ can’t work up the courage to tlak to them. Not at all.

Once again as a child she was really into space and the ocean - both because they were both vastly unknown and discovery and learning... was her favorite thing. Yes she actually likes her classes bc new information is always welcome information.

And for that reason too she’s a major bookworm !! Reading is perhaps her favorite thing to do, immersing herself in woven words of a world that’s not her own. Fantasy, history, anything honestly she’ll take it. Prefers fiction over non-fiction , though. But again , she’ll read anything.

Probably spends most of her time in the library for this reason.

Also very into brainteasers, puzzles, and stuff ?? Like she’s the type of person who can do two rubiks cubes in ninety seconds. Probably has a backpack full of them. 

VERY GOOD AT BAKING AND MAKING TEA AND HOT CHOCOLATE AND STUFF LIKE TRUST ME YOU WILL WANT AMI TO BAKE FOR U SHE’S GOOD AT IT

Also for NO REASON AT ALL wants to learn how to draw maps and does that... in her free time. Mainly celestial maps, though.

OKAY OKAY OKAY so again she always wanted to travel and after her breakup with Theo ( which was bc she was so scared of changing into someone bad for him or that he didn’t like ) she took a gap year in college to see the world. She’s been to nearly every corner of Europe, and then Russia, Japan, China, and Korea - all with the money she saved up from working + her grandparents’ money since they spoiled her the best they could. And Ami never asked for anything. 

Knows how to fluently speak Italian too bc that was the language she took in high school and also just... likes learning languages.

AGAIN SHE LIKES TO LEARN STUFF.

When Tatiana died she was absolutely devastated and it was so soon after she came back to school she just. Didn’t know how to deal with it. She’d bought Tatiana shoes from Milan to gift to her and she didn’t even get a chance to wear them : ‘ (

So now she’s in Lockwood again to pursue a career in Astronomy. Whatever that may be. She also wants to study Marine Biology because she loves the creatures of the sea and wouldn’t mind working in an aquarium or something. Or a planetarium. Or a museum. The dream is to work in any of those fields tbh but Ami’s starting with Astronomy since she has a slight lean towards space.

WANTED CONNECTIONS okay okay so

sb she sorta met while traveling and befriended and DIDN’T KNOW they also attended Lockwood?? that would have been p cool

someone who also takes an interest in astronomy or oceanography just so they can geek out w/ Ami abt it bc omg SHE LOVES TO LEARN STUFF

someone more... outgoing who furthermore tries to grab Ami out of her shell but it’s.... in the more. Direct ways. Like taking her to parties and not telling her where they’re going. AMI WILL FREAK.

Someone Ami’s friends with who’s kind of a bad influence but instead of goin along with them Ami’s just there to take care of the damage when it’s done and over with.

Studying rivals ?? Maybe sb with the same dreams aspirations as Ami and also incredibly smart like her but they don’t see eye to eye and argue instead of working together and getting along

IDK MAN HIT ME W/ SOME SHIT IM DOWN FOR ANYTHING 

[sporecollection]

a small little ranty post

if you guys dont want to read this you dont have to, i just had some stuff i needed to get off my chest

one year ago today i was dumped by an ex boyfriend. i was in a toxic relationship with him, and neither of us were good for one another. im not going to be dropping his @ but im not afraid to talk about him with his name.

his name was jeremy. he and i met probably over five years ago, in a google plus roleplay server. we hit it off, and i even made a skype so we could talk outside of google plus. we got along really well, and id like to say he was one of my best friends. i guess that why i had the courage to ask him out nearly two years ago on july 9th. he said yes, and i was ecstatic.

now, at the time, i was questioning my gender identity, and was not in a good place mentally. since then ive gotten better, but then really wasn't a good time for me. because of this, i will admit i was not as good of a boyfriend as i hoped i would be. id send long venty messages about wanting to die, and and then freak out if i didnt delete them and he saw. i didnt entirely want him to have to deal with me while i was in a bad place.

sometimes id have to give in and vent to him, and i always felt worse after doing so because i didnt want him to feel bad because of me. but still, we managed on. that is, until sunny was welcomed into the relationship.

jeremy loved sunny. my only problem was that, though, jeremy loved sunny more than he loved me. i started to become what i call the backup boyfriend. hed only come to me when loney or something of the sort and it honestly hurt so bad. it hurt so bad i began to vent about how i was afraid jeremy was going to leave me for sunny.

and then he did. after a long 4/20 of train rides and being ignored, i sent him a message about how i was upset about how often i got ignored, set aside for sunny. and the next morning he broke up with me.

i know it doesn't sound that bad, but after the breakup is when things got worse. a friend of mine had this lgbt discord he was in and i learned from her that he was talking badly about me there a few months after our breakup. she told me about how they kicked her out, and how they (specifically jeremy and sunny) would talk about how i should die.

this was horrible. as someone who, admittedly, was still in love with him, its devastating to hear that person was saying that you should die, and his friends were adding to the conversation.

to all my friends in online relationships like how i was, please be careful. to anyone who knows jeremy, please be careful. you dont know how fast someone will turn on you until they reach their turning point

[lastthing-shesaid]

as a 17 y/o, you give me heedo vibes ;-; i hope you learned a lot from the show, even me being in my mid 20s did but god this show just made me feel some type of way, and sad that these two beautiful people who cared and love each other unconditionally somehow just disappeared from each other's lives for good... even when they came back to discuss things further, and they continued to take bits of each other into their lives. thats so.. *sigh* anyways i liked your thoughts on the end & agreed

aw, hello! funny bc my sister thought i was very similar to seungwan and yi jin, but im giving you hee do vibes! that made me smile, she's honestly one of the best female leads i have ever come across. i did learn a lot, considering the circumstances where im now dealing with quite terrible and confusing friendship breakups since the past year and i have never felt more lonely. this show gave me hope honestly, and i am very thankful it accompanied me as i am moving on for the better. it made me realize that time is the biggest villain in life, and all we can do is to live and do what we think is right and love those around us with no regrets. taking the risk is always worth a shot, bc like what yu rim said, we might eventually lose something or someone dear to us but what matters is that we had it and had them at one point.

i feel very heartbroken about yi jin and hee do, and i feel very embarrassed to say that i bawled my eyes out listening to taylor swift's "sad, beautiful, tragic", "come back be here" and "the last time". ( i recommend you listening to it even if youre not a fan or a casual listener! it's like she wrote these songs for them so accurately. i think i had finally let it all out and feel okay now )

ig breakups like that does happen irl to couples people thought will stay together, but in my mind, i feel as though they havent really gotten over each other, because first loves arent really something you can forget easily. it's hee do and yi jin we are talking abt that it's so impossible you know? also, it assumingly feels like the writer got carried away writing the most beautiful relationship that ever existed between fictional characters that she forgot her goal to make the sad ending bearable with reasonable and easy to understand reasons of a falling out, considering she had inspiration from jaurim's twenty-five, twenty-one. the ending was half-assed and really rushed, it felt so out of character, and felt like it was just a hasty excuse for a sad ending when we damn well know yi jin and hee do can fix and save their relationship if they tried hard enough as better people but well... the damage has been done.

kim tae ri even pleaded the writer to change the ending, can you believe? knowing she stars in quite grim films and a drama once, she saw how yi jin and hee do didn't quite deserve a very devastating ending for them but ig kwon do eun was hell bent to stay loyal to the inspiration she caught from jaurim. nam joo hyuk was quite sad filming the part where yi jin congratulates hee do for her wedding... and he hasnt posted any single thing about the finale in his ig acc. we can see how it affected the actors, because they worked hard for the drama for 7 months. all i could really do rn is hope they get recasted. just imagine the success producers would be having with them as leads in another series or a movie that suit them well, as they created such a buzz among knetz and the whole world >< ( better be something phenomenal since tae ri is meticulous abt her projects )

anyway this was quite a long answer, im so sorry, since im still trying to let go of this drama. hang in there anon! all we could do is accept that this drama did steer so many mixed emotions, but ig that's the beauty of it. if ever there is a real life hee do and yi jin, i hope they never part bc a love like that is so rare and otherworldly that they should make sure to provide great care for it. hehe take care! ^^

[aplaceforthesoul]

Anonymous submitted:

Hi 21/f (for tash pls)

I’ve messaged a few times and you guys have always been super helpful and I really appreciate all the help you have given me over the years.

Back in November of 2016 my gf and I broke up, we broke up because she had commitment issues and I was truly devastated. I cried for days and I’ve only just recently been able to get somewhat over her (I fully believe I was/am in love with her). When we broke up she had mentioned that we could always try to date again at some point in the future (as i write this i feel like i talked to you guys about this before so i apologize if you recall any of this and this is just a repeat, but i also have new stuff) and at some point last year i asked her out right if she ever saw us getting back together bc i didnt wanna hold out hope that we’d ever get back together if there wasnt a chance. She told me no she didnt see that happening and again i was truly devastated. Also when we broke up we said we’d still be friends bc we were really really close when we started dating, well thats not really the case? shes honestly been super distant and i know she has a life and it doesnt revolve around me but she tends to not answer me and give me one worded answers. I’ve tried talking to her about it before and voiced my concerns with her and she always just tells me shes super busy and she forgets to answer and i know that really does happen but sometimes it feels like its just all the time. I may just be overreacting to that part but its frustrating that i never seem to get any other answer out of her. Like there will be times that i feel super excited for something and shell just respond with something like “oh cool!” and then i feel dumb for trying to be so excited about it and then we dont talk for hours. the only other issue i have is she started dating someone just a few months after we broke up and didnt tell me which i can undertstand bc she knew how upset i was at our break up but just a month or so ago they broke up and now shes dating someone new again and she still didnt tell me and i dont understand why. i will admit im a little jealous at how shes dating someone new but im also really upset at the fact she didnt tell me about it again. I just miss her a lot and i wanna be her friend and be in her life but it seems like she doesnt want me in hers.

another issue im having is i really feel just alone, like i dont have anyone. i mean theres a couple people at work that i talk to a lot while im at work but we tend to not talk outside of work and ive tried innitiating conversations with them and they fall flat and they dont seem interested. i just feel like i dont have anyone who truly cares about me and ontop of both of these issues i feel like a complete failure. im not going to school and my mom has kinda been on my butt about it lately and ive been passed up 4 times for a promotion and everyone around me is trying to figure out why and even i cant figure out why. and my general manger wont tell me why he wont promote me and i just feel like a giant failure and that im not good enough for anything.

this was a fairly long submission and im sorry. thank u for taking the time to respond tho

it sounds a little like your ex girlfriend said to continue staying friend because she didn’t want to hurt you ): unfortunately though most break-ups aren’t mutual, and staying friends with an ex partner doesn’t work. 

all your feelings right now? they’re 100% valid!! like I’d feel shitty and upset if someone I thought wanted me in their life made me feel weird for getting excited over something, I’d feel upset if someone I thought wanted to be friends with me just wasn’t making any effort to show they cared. 

this isn’t going to be easy to read? but I feel like your ex said she wanted to be friends after the breakup because she didn’t want to hurt you (and not because she genuinely wanted to be friends), she’s now changed her mind and doesn’t know how to say that now. actions speak louder than words! ): and none of her actions show love or care or a desire to have you in her life. 

this isn’t a criticism at all, just an observation? but you talked about being lonely and feeling isolated and like a failure, it might be making you a little more sensitive to your ex girlfriend’s actions than you normally would be. like -- you feel lonely, you miss your ex, she acts in a way that makes you feel even more isolated and alone, it intensifies your desire to hang onto the ex and the negative cycle continues. 

my best advice? ditch the ex, let her go. I don’t think she’s deliberately trying to hurt you or be mean? but right now it’s not a healthy friendship to have. make it a goal to spread out your friendship groups a bit, make the most of opportunities to meet new people where you can. maybe use tinder to go on a few fun dates haha, download the hey!vina app if you want, maybe check out meetup.com and see if you can find a group of like-minded people? there’s an app that I use in london called fever that lets you know all about events and activities happening in your local area?! it works in a few other major international cities too -- if you don’t live in those cities then it might not be super helpful haha, but maybe your city has something similar? there’s also an app called ‘Wingit’ which operates in london, cities around europe and the US, it’s an app like fever but could be more useful if fever doesn’t work in your city? worth asking around! anything to get you mixing with new people while doing something fun at the same time (:

you’re not a complete failure, at all. promise <3 if you’ve directly asked your general manger about not being promoted and he won’t explain why? then maybe it’s time to look for a new job (: there’s not much point in staying in a workplace where you don’t feel valued or respected as a member of staff.

things aren’t going to magically improve overnight? but ditch the ex, work on branching out and meeting new people and making some new friends, make time for self care and looking after you. try to get straight direct answers from your manager about not being promoted, see what he says, ask what you can work on to improve, look at finding a new job if you just don’t feel valued or appreciated at work. good luck xxxx

- tash