#im not built for this bullshit. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

stupidscav · 10 months

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really love how my school forces me to do a class that makes me want to off myself because I can't understand any of it and any time I tell them "hey this is really stressing me out I can't do any of this" they say "just ask for help" even though it literally NEVER GOT ME HELP

all of my math classes are like this. im going to get yelled at. I'm going to get grounded. I'm gonna get punished. I'm gonna get everything that keeps me sane taken away. because I can't do this fucking class. I just know it my family is going to be so disappointed that their "smart little child" is fucking breaking down from this bullshit class. I can't keep a C+ forever.

I love how my school treats students who need more support!! they just said "fucking deal with it not everyone is having the same problems" when they literally are. it does not help that I've always been used to one style of teaching: the teacher.. guess what

ACTUALLY TEACHING US!!! I love you last grade math teacher Mrs. N I love you so much Ms. I is a BITCH

I know I'm gonna end up in a ditch before I finish schooling.

#suicide #suicide mention #im not saying im going to do it btw im not. things have changed so much and j donr wanr to leave it behind #but jesus fucking christ i dread my math class all i want to do in it is die #im not built for this bullshit.#bro they look at me like “oh youre a smart kid you can do it” no i fucking can't how many times do i have to tell you #they just dont listen to anyone who needs anything #i donr know if its because how my brain works or if this class is just as bad for everyone #but clearly thw latter is proving more true and the autism is a nice little addon to rhat stress #vent #scav feels shitty #i hate my math teacher #rant

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alien-bluez · 1 month

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The twins keeps doing the switcheroo thing 30% because it's funny 70% because their laundry is always mixed together and they can't bother finding their own. They're the same height and build and sometimes Lark likes putting on Sparrow's flowy pants and skirts and crop tops when it's hot. Sparrow uses Lark's joggers and tanks and running shoes when he goes to the gym. At one point the guys enforced a name tag system because the twins kept playing into it.

#dndads #dungeons and daddies #kiddads #headcanon #sorry im currently sat bored out of my mind waiting for laundry so heres more headcanon stuff #sparrow oak garcia #lark oak garcia #season 1.5 #i also think the real solution to this was either giving them both some kind of bracelet to tell them apart #or the guys eventually got used to it and built an internal twins bullshit alarm #could be both #oak twins

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chickenoptyrx · 2 years

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This is goofy and I cannot stress enough that I have no gd idea what i was doing. But. Since I think iv abandoned this:

Turles and crew tryin to convince gohan to join them via musical number :]

(Song is 'professional pirate' from muppet treasure island)

#tim curry could absolutely play a monkey space pirate guy #turles #crusher corps #gohan #dbz #professional pirate #i love doin goofy ass bullshit #...i say. posting an unfinished thing that i apparently ran outta love for #man i didnt even get to do the bit that this whole thing was built around #uuuggghhh... im not workin on it more! im not doin it. im tired!

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bidoofdaily · 6 months

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i drew this on the clock so basically i got paid to do it

#pokémon #pokemon #bidoof #howre yall doin hows things #im not built for th 9 to 5 im ngl but i gotta pay off these student loans and make donations and buy frivolous bullshit somehow #i got a tattoo today. second one ever! a friend from college did it #things could be worse for me but all things considered theyre very ok right now. i hope they can be very okay for everyone someday #anyways stay safe i love you mwah

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todayisafridaynight · 6 months

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i miss ps2 daigo's gangly ass

#snap chats #i think its just cause we have access to pixels nowadays but as much as i do love daigo Period and his bod now #i liked how scrawny he looked on the ps2 ..... like please get my boy an actual meal thats not just dumpster food #looked like if you sneezed in his direction he'd collapse and thats how it oughta be i think #it just added to his emo boy energy yk. his emo boy energy at 30 💀💀💀💀#it's especially funny for me to think about cause of that one call he has with kiryu where he's all like #'listen im not built like a truck like you but i ain't a pushover' son yes you are ryuji proved that like three times and it was hilarious #NAWWW DAIGO ON THAT 'im about to get into a fight ill post a vid later/i got my ass beat im not posting that' BULLSHIT LVKEJ

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ink-asunder · 1 year

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Having demand avoidance in a medical setting is literally hell. Like, patient autonomy is already absolute ass. It's only made worse when doctors CONSISTENTLY tell you what to do and act like you HAVE to do it instead of consulting with you first like normal fucking people.

#also “”“”medical necessity“”“” is NOT an excuse here.#ive been to plenty of doctors that thoroughly discuss a range/timeline of treatment and explain it IN DETAIL before saying “thats what i-#-recommend“ instead of just going ”okay were gonna do this. im gonna explain the prep to you a mile a minute and if you have any follow up-#-questions im just gonna repeat part of my spiel with no clarification. and if i cant answer your questions too bad :)“#not to mention how many doctors just force you to do things that WILL NEVER WORK #like one therapist tried forcing me to do emdr when i was only IN HER TOWN for the summer and i had no internet access when i was at college #im pretty sure emdr takes several weeks to work and i did not have that kind of time available to me. i couldnt just drop out bc of ptsd.#also the number of times ive had to decline an ESI is stupid. I've already had 2! they didn't work! i had a bad reaction to the meds!#why am i being forced to do it again?#also back surgery. i cant do that because i am a white trash rural kid and our home (which we built ourselves) CANNOT be accessible enough #for spinal surgery recovery. but i went to the surgeon and he was like “thats valid! and also surgery literally wouldnt help you so idk why-#-they sent you here.“ : l It's cool to be right all the time lol #its like. no wonder i developed medical demand avoidance after so much traumatizing and malpracticy bullshit in my life #demand avoidance #medical demand avoidance #chronic illness burnout #chronic illness #chronic pain #medical tw #ptsd #disability #medical neglect #medical trauma #vent #this might be too personal. if i do delete it ill have it rb'd on my boar-deer-whitetrashbutterfly blog first #idk i just havent really been able to find anyone else talking about this specific effect of being chronically ill/disabled.

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br1ghtestlight · 11 months

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i can never take nickel and balloon's conflict fully seriously even if they make up and apologize to each other etc because the whole time im just imagining that comic of baseball and suitcase going back to hotel oj after season 2 and seeing that nickel and balloon are #besties now meanwhile suitcase had a psychotic break over their bullshit 😭😭

#regardless of what nickel did to balloon they NEED to apologize to suitcase for putting her through the Literal actual horrors #she's gonna come back to hotel oj see that they're friends now and start beating nickel's ass and i dont blame her even a little bit tbh!#i love nickel as a character but bro fucked up w/ suitcase #and bcuz she's stuck in season 2 purgatory there's no way for that arc to get closure right now so im just like #well we're all forgeting to apologizr to SOMEBODY arent we!!!#baseball too i wish i knew how to fix this. baseball you cant fix this it doesnt just go away but you're here you're listening so thanks :)#i mean im sure they've got their own bullshit going on in s2 right now not a doubt in my mind. nickel is not suitcase's most important issue #atm they're about to get killed by robots built for actual literal genocide FJDMDMDKSJS #txt #inanimate insanity

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opens-up-4-nobody · 6 months

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#it's an old frustration. an old pattern of thought.#i just feel that i have a brain that doesn't hold information. that lacks the discipline to gain knowledge. that is incapable of deeper #thought. and i cant teel you how maddening that is. to sit in a room and listen to other people discuss a paper you read in depth 5 times #like it's the 1st time you ever heard anything about it. how is that possible? how do i work with that? i read and nothing sticks.#nothing stays with me. how??? i was talking to a prof recently who ive heard is hard on her students with disability accommodation. and she #was saying how she doesnt see these things as a disability. how we're just different not disabled. ive heard the phrase differently abled #a lot of times. and i get what she's saying. i do. ad i get why she's hard on them. she wants to push them. but there comes a point where #you are quote unquote differently abled and you run into a wall that other people dont have. then what are you supposed to do? work harder?#but what if that doesn't help? what if that just compounds the hurt that's always been there? what if that leaches away all the wonder? what #then? at what point does a thing become too much of a barrier? i think there's a reason i dont run into many other dyslexic grad student.#everyone has adhd. it's a place where those with adhd prosper. but dyslexia not so much. at least not with the level of hanicap i have #and everyone's really nice. they want to help. but there's nothing anyone can do for me at this stage. it's up to me to compensate for my #leaky head. and i kno im not stupid. ive got a piece of paper stating my iq is above average after correcting for uneven intelligence. but #i dont feel very smart most of the time. i feel more like my uncorrected iq score that comes out at just below average even with me trying #my very best. iq is bullshit but there's something to be said for that gap. im smart if unconstrained by language and time. but were bound #by language and we're bound by time so what am i supposed to do? is there anything i can do? im stuck with this forever. theres no getting #better or making it easier. my brain is wired in a way that gives me the reading skills of a child. forever. and i just have to accept that #and im trying to swallow around that idea easier because the only other option is to choke on it. but maybe i chose the wrong career path.#one of my lab mates said she wants challenges all the time and ive chosen a path that's challenges all the time but im jsut trying to do #what everyone else can without a second thought. it's deeply demoralizing. yet here i am. trying to be easier abt it.#maybe im just nit cut out for this. doing a job im not built for.#unrelated

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sakebytheriver · 10 months

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#i wish my brain would stop fixating on this friendship breakup but its just so frustrating and annoying #the way she tells me shes 'done with second chances' as ive felt for months now that i had to be on edge and walk on eggshells around her #the way she always made me the bad guy and had me convinced i was the problem and that i just had to ignore the feeling in my gut that this #friendship was really one sided and broken in a way where i had to always be perfect or else i would be abandoned #the more i go over everything the more im realizing just how toxic she was to me and just how much she built the friendship in a way #that made me feel so unstable and uncomfortable and like i would always have to swallow her bullshit because shed never change for me #but she would constantly tell me how i needed to change for her #its frustrating to get dumped by someone who had you convinced you were the toxic one when in reality it was actually them

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jonny-b-meowborn · 1 year

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As time goes by I'm becoming more and more sure that I just can't survive on my own. I can take basic care of myself, but the second I have to go to a doctor or do some formal stuff I get paralyzed. I just can't. Fuck, I can barely even talk to strangers in general. Or even not strangers, I can't fucking text someone back if I'm not close to them, it's just so scary and exhausting. I'm becoming emotionally tired more easily and sometimes even talking with my mom about anything is too much for me and I love my mom. And I really need her, I can't do basic stuff without her pretty much holding my hand all the time. I can't get a normal job. We went to this blueberry plantation a few times but I just couldn't go there without her, and now the job is over and we can't go there at all. If I wasn't such a fucking baby I'd go there a few more times alone and get some money. I can't make calls, there's literally like two people I feel comfortable talking on the phone with. People used to say I was mature for my age when I was younger but I never grew up and now I'm almost 21 and can't do anything with my life. I'm scared of everything, I'm constantly exhausted physically and mentally. I'm like a fucking child. I'm scared that I'm gonna have to live with my mom my whole life. I can't see a future for myself, I'm just not able to survive without help and at some point I won't be able to get help, I don't want to be a parasite living off of my mom's money but I don't see anything else I could do. I hate my brain so much. I hate the way it refuses to work. I hate myself for being such a child.

#you know theres this weird idk. impostor syndrome about me and my autism #like on one hand i know that autism is a disability. but on the other i cant think of myself as disabled #cause im not 'autistic enough'. because i can keep myself fed and clean and healthy and alive as long as im provided with everything i need #but then i have a full on breakdown because my new laptop doesnt work and i have to go to the store to have it checked/replaced #i wanna throw up just thinking about it #i cant do anything without my moms help #i wanna throw up and cry and die when theres too much happening around me. i cant survive in the real world. i just can't #i cant get a job or a partner or go to college or move out or even just fucking. go to a store and ask for help with my laptop.#i feel like im destined to live w my mom forever and not achieve anything and die alone #i keep talking about wanting to make a living with my art but thats bullshit. i do want that but i know it's not possible for me #i cant even fucking finish the commissions i already have. im scared to get new ones. im scared to do anything.#my brain refuses to let me work on anything #and yeah i am burnt out after my diploma and exams and all that but at some point i just have to admit im not built for that. for anything.#im built to live like a parasite baby and die #my mom is too good of a person to kick me out but i wouldnt blame her. im useless. i cant make money. i cant take care of myself #i dont know what to do #bee buzz

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boomerang109 · 5 months

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#i really don’t mind that im the kind of aspec where idk if a relationship is in the cards for me #but it’s so hard trying to figure out my life and just knowing I’m no one’s first choice #and so much of that is just the societal bullshit around independence #but like. it would just be so much easier if i could just get in a relationship and then be like okay now you’re stuck with me #cause rn everything feels so much and so overwhelming and there’s absolutely no one there who has to deal with it other than me and that’s #so unfair. humans aren’t built to go through this life alone #but all I know is that im a burden and I can’t ask for more #I truly have yet to come up with a post graduation plan that doesn’t sound like it’ll make me wanna off myself and isn’t that just great #like oh yay the freedom of being out of school #so I can do anything I want except I don’t want to do anything I just want to disappear forever krjfjfjejsjeje #to delete

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tibli · 10 months

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this past week has just. not been very good to me tbh

#had a really scary health issue over the weekend #have classwork due every sunday #my bosses are usually rlly nice to me #but today they kind of like. dogpiled me for listening to music at work when i didnt realize it would be an issue #bc it helps me focus and work faster #and one of them said that was 'bullshit'#and kinda made me out to be inattentive and unfocused when they make more mistakes than i do #and i already felt kinda shitty today bc im having car trouble AGAIN so i was doing my damnedest not to cry at fucking work #then i came home and my parents kept hounding me abt sleeping in the living room since my bed isnt fully built yet #and bc of the health thing im not taking my adhd medicine anymore #which has made focusing THAT MUCH HARDER for me #i just feel like it cant ever be just one thing at a time #its always a bunch of shit at once #im gonna be honest i know all this shit sounds stupid as hell and none of it matters in anyway #but that sure isnt stopping the ideations lmao!!!!#tibtalks

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seilon · 4 months

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i know im not alone on this but i also know this statement is like waving a stick at a hornets nest. my overall memories and nostalgia related to hetalia are generally not bad and i think it may have saved a depression-riddled middle school aged me from being lured towards way darker and more mentally damaging content or online groups

#im dead serious like before that i was getting into creepypasta which. look im not one to say horror would make my little developing brain #disintegrate or anything BUT as an online community and a subculture of sorts i think it was far more of a slippery slope into #toxicity and extremism and most of all romanticizing/normalizing things like self harm and unhealthy eating habits and so on #despite what a lot of people say on this site it’s really not an evil and fascism-endorsing show or anything #it just has occasional jokes or concepts that are a bit distasteful– though from what I can tell alot of the ones people point out are #improvised bullshit lines made up by english dub cast members #anyway I won’t get into that whole rant but point is i am so so serious it could’ve been so much worse #the worst thing that came of being into hetalia as a kid was being more prone to finding stereotype humor funny #which im still like. I feel like was much more distasteful in 2012-13 youtube content. like WAY more distasteful #and rampant in general. so even in a show that’s built on stereotypes like hetalia it’s TAMER than the stereotype humor of the time in #a ton of mainstream media. big youtubers were still doing casual blackface back then man. 99% of hetalia’s stereotype humor is like.#canadians are quiet and nice. japanese politeness is to an extreme. germans are efficient. americans are loud and like burger #sorry I said I wasn’t gonna go into this rant so. I digress. I was just thinking about this cause I realized seeing hetalia fanart #generally makes me feel a good- or at least not bad- kind of nostalgia. which seems adverse to the show’s reputation especially on this sit #food for thought or whatever #kibumblabs #oh yeah I know why I started thinking about this- a drawing of seychelles came up on my dash and i can’t help but feel warm seeing her pop #up because she was the first real full cosplay I ever did for a big con. (with help) i hand-made the dress and everything. :*)

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caruliaa · 4 months

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rly fun and normal to almost casually think "oh ill make myself throw up" after eating pasta for dinner i love it so much

#and i still want to . even tho its not healthy i KNOW ITS NOT AGH !! but i still want to #i havent before but i cld look it up i cld google it rought now . i just did finger at the back of the throat baby !#i shld have already known that thats just basic logic #this is so STUPID i know all of this is bullshit i know it is like this isnt healthy and trying to lose weight in general is bullshit #and not ever rly healthy even in the more 'healthy' way than this but i dont care i just wanna lose weight #not even just bc of how i see my body but bc i dont want other people to see me as less than everyone else #and idk im TIRED im tired of being ugly by default to everyone esp since im joining uni i want people to actually like me #ik it wont work but trying to lose weight even if its pointless and harmful seems easier than trying to change everyones built in biases yk #idk. i dont like that im thinking like this but at the same time. idk ig i kinda do. whatever.#ykw rly funny abt this tho. if i did actually start not eating or making myself sick everyone irl would probably be glad #that im losing weight ! lol !#ed mention #vent #flappy rambles

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polyboros · 7 months

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been rolling around the idea for a few months of a fusion mechanic for interstitial that isnt amalgam-based (pure self-indulgence for when me and my friends do a campaign) which is not... too entirely far off from what about pacrim would be interesting to me as interstitial-based mechanics (read: the drift)

#kbitycus talks #similar principles to me but i want to poke at how links play into it #also i think. like a set of playbooks based off different roles at the shatterdome (pilot‚ mechanic‚ gay scientist‚ marshal) would be fun #inspired by writing workshop convos.. its been rotating in my brain for the past few hours nyeow #im terrible at writing playbook moves but between redoing the anchored for 2e & just practicing i think itd be fun #i dont care abt the crunch or mech maintenance or whatever that kind of mechanic doesnt hold appeal to me #''the jaeger has its own harm clock'' is probably the extent of what you will get from me on that front #you get a lot of the basic interstitial moves & then maybe a pool of Specialised moves based on how your jaeger is built?#so you pick like. two or three of Those from a list of like ten #'my jaeger has a chain sword' 'my jaeger runs on nuclear instead of digital and can blow itself up' et #basically building your jaeger a character sheet #i think the stats would be the combined stats of you & your co-pilot(s). your links are their links are the jaeger's links etc etc!!!#these tags got out of hand. whoops #i dont necessarily think you need the playbooks to be in a jaeger i like the idea of playing a pacrim expansion except youre still on #that kh bullshit. theres just also a jaeger or two there #but obviously you get the option. fight some kaijus.#if your links are locked with your co-pilots do you get to keep one of their individual playbook moves after the drift ends #so long as that link is locked? theyre in your head!!#these tags continue to get out of hand SEND POST

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fucktheroyals · 2 years

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K but DinLuke was/is such a hilariously delicious pairing. Like nothing will be more funny than the potential of force ghost Anakin meeting Din ''has civil conversation with Tusken Raiders regularly and has a fucking old ass, fucking ancient! Naboo ship FIVE YEARS AFTER THE END REIGN OF THE EMPIRE" Djarin.

#They wrote enormous Daddy issues ALL OVER DIN IN THAT BOBA FETT EPISODE. I can't believe everyone thought DinLuke was dead in the water #cause of that ep. Like girl it's a completely fictional ship. the boat was never metaphorically built babes!#honestly glad tho. good fictional ships should never become popular ships.#They literally just painted daddy issues across his forehead #you do have to wonder tho... why even have that storyline happen if Grogu's going right back to Din #fan service? I'm okay with that. what im not okay with is Boba not being in an episode of his own show.#Boba's entire storyline grants him his show being all about him. WHY spit in his face like that?#DinBoba HELLA good tho. it's superior but DinLuke is hilarious so.#I'm on my bullshit again

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